#or like just if I'm being paranoid that someone will ''correct me'' on a joke

[thekimspoblog]

Demon trying to feed on my insecurities: "You're a bad driver"

Me: "Of course I am. I hate driving. Going 80 mph surrounded by tons of metal is nerve-wrecking. I try to do it as little as possible. Of course I'm bad at it"

Demon: "You're a bad writer"

Me: "Well that part's simply not true. I never claimed I was the greatest author of my generation, but when I put pen to paper I know what I want to communicate and I usually do it well. If someone isn't impressed with my work, that's unfortunate but they're entitled to their opinion"

Demon: "You're a bad leader"

Me: "Well I don't know about that! I mean there was that one time when... Ok look just because people don't see me as an authority figure doesn't mean... 😠 You know you can be a real asshole, demon!"

[teojira]

[Dance with The Devil] [movie!Shadow x reader headcanons]

Summary: a collection of random headcanons/small scenarios based on my "Click Click Boom" post for Shadow!

Word count: 1.5k

Disclaimer (1): Harkness scale people, he is of age and can consent and is sentient. I'm allowed to want to kiss the hedgehog.

Disclaimer (2): This can be read as Romantic or Platonic! Though I did write it to be implied romance.

A/N: Yall asked for more, who am I to deny the people (I imagine kissing him every second of the day). I tried to hit a lot of asks all in one to give eveyrone what they asked for! I hope y'all enjoy! Reblogs and comments are super appreciated and motivate me to write more <3

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Shadow is so extremely overprotective of you, borderline to an unhealthy agree but is it really when you're welcoming to it??

You, by all means, shouldn't encourage him. He's one of the strongest beings on the planet. He can't just make threats, God knows if he'll act out on them.

You can't help but let it happen though, a warm fuzzy feeling deep in your chest clouds your judgment for a few moments. Knowing that Shadow sees you as someone worth protecting, of caring for.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Shadow baring his fangs at Sonic and fucking growling is new though.

"Shadow did you just- did you just fucking growl?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sonic was just trying to hug me dude, relax.'

"He'll get his scent all over you. No."

Shadow turns his back on you, so he misses the blush that overtakes your entire face.

He has an inkling though, if the strangled cry from your throat is any indication.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Riding ! With ! Him !!! He takes you on drives all the time, it helps him clear his head and it's his way of asking for physical contact without giving you idea, feeling you against his back and your body pressed up against his does wonder for his mental health, he'll purposefully take longer routes and side roads at night to keep you close.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

If you fall asleep on the couch, Shadow isn't gonna curl up with you, but he's next to the couch, head propped up against the arm rest as he watches over you. He's well aware he could just teleport you both to your room, but you look too peaceful :( and he knows he takes up all your time and energy, so he rather let you rest.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Shadow always walks behind you. It's a nervous habit. If he wanders behind, he has the perfect view to scan for threats.

You go to tell him he's being paranoid, but stop yourself. The last person he cared for died, the girl who gave him a purpose. You shut your joke down fast, shaking your head when Shadow raises an eye bridge at your expression.

"Do you want to hold my hand?" You go with that instead.

"Absolutely not."

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Please god can you imagine shopping for him, getting his leather jackets and what not bc he fucking deserves it, especially when you nervously claim that he needs the correct gear for riding his motorcycle and he hits you with:

"That's useless, I can easily chaos control if need be."

BUT HE DOESN'T RIDE WITHOUT IT EVER !!!! You even got it monogrammed, and he runs his thumb across it often, scoffing at himself when he realizes, snatching his hand away.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Shadow likes to be useful, even though you tell him again and again that he doesn't owe you anything, he doesn't listen.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

If you wear makeup and ever fall asleep in it, you can't ever seem to remember if it was you who took it off, your memories jumbling up together to the point you're not sure.

It was Shadow, he knows you don't like showing others your bare face, which he thinks is ridiculous as shit, he likes you as you are, whether with makeup or bare, you're you.

Please I could cry imagining him so gently taking a makeup wipe and rubbing small circles to get that waterproof eyeliner off of you, eyes laser focused into his task. I'm gonna throw up.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

In the colder months, he's susceptible to being more mellow and relaxed. Despite being the ultimate life form and having fur, he still gets cold and hates the feeling.

This brings me to the fact that bro steals your blankets, he has no remorse and will walk right into your room to take your heated blanket. He's an asshole.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Fully believes that nicknames are stupid and that they don't matter, the best he's gonna do for you is call you by your first Intial (ex: Teddy = T) It's rare that he'll do call you by it regardless, but beggers cannot be choosers.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Getting matching bangles to match his inhibitor rings!! Makes him go stupid for a second, brain computing that oh??? You want to match him?? He's gonna tease you, but when you threaten to just take them off, he immediately goes quiet.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

The subject of being sick came up often in asks, and he struggles really hard with it. It's not obvious, but if you look closely, his quills are pin straight, and he's easily more agitated.

He's not mad at you, it's not your fault, it's just that seeing you curl up into bed brings back so many bad memories of when Maria has flare ups and couldn't leave her bed.

It made him feel useless. His whole reason for being was to help cure illness, maybe not the common cold. He's aware of that, but the point remains.

Shadow gets more docile, even going to ask Maddie what to do. The woman offers to come over and take care of you instead, but Shadow shuts her down quickly. He's more than capable, and he's a little overprotective.

"Are you sure? I don't mind, I don't have anything going on."

"That isn't necessary."

"But it might be better if it's m-"

"I can take care of them."

It's hard to argue with a 5ft hedgehog that can easily snap your neck, so she regents and hands him over some cold and flu medicine along with painkillers and vaporub and instructions. He looks so silly with all of it in his arms, Gatorade, water, the medicine, some food, but it warms your heart. You haven't had anyone really look after you when you were sick, always left to fend for yourself, so it's nice.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

For my period havers, I am on mine, so this made it in:

Shadow using his hands as personal heating pads for your stomach or the small of your back, you can't seem to remember where you put your heating pad so he sits there with you and just, shoves his hand onto your skin, it's added comfort due to his fur.

"Oh my god, that feels good."

You groan into your pillow, curling up into a ball, your back facing the ultimate lifeform.

"Is it really that bad?"

Shadow hums, moving to ever so slightly knead the skin, smirking to himself when you damn near moan at the feeling.

"You know damn fucking well it's that bad."

Shadow snorts.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Once you're both closer, he allows you to touch him alot more, so long as you ask him first if you can run your fingers over his quills, he finds it soothing, it's common to find you both on the couch, fast asleep together with the TV set to come true crime YouTube video.

Sonic takes a million pictures, to which he sends to Shadow later. The black hedgehog doesn't say anything, but he secretly saves each one.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Speaking of the others, you try and force him to spend time with team Sonic to varying degrees of success. Mainly the success being if you will also be there and be by his side. The team likes you well enough, always playfully telling you that they can handle Shadow if he ever hurts you.

Which gets them Shadow staring them down, his eyes lighting up as a warning.

You'd think they'd learn that this man doesn't play when it comes to you, but they're a bit stupid.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

When it comes to any insecurities you may have, he shuts that shit down IMMEDIATELY, you think it's because he genuinely doesn't give a fuck, but no, it's because he cares about you and will logically tell you facts. Does it help? It's varying, but he still tries.

Issue with your weight. He doesn't care. Are you healthy? That's all that matters. He's strong enough to lift you up, and he'll demonstrate it on you if need be. He doesn't know who put it into your head that there's any issue with it, but he'll fix it.

"Shadow, can I ask you something?"

"Go on."

"Does my weight ever bother you?"

"I am not like human men."

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

You're insecure about talking about your interests/hyperfixations? He actively will sit down and listen, eyes intense as he takes in every single word you're saying. He'll nod and hum, but his ears are flicked towards you, and Shadow will ask questions pertaining about the characters.

The motherfucker is healing you slowly but surely, mentally and sometimes physically.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

No one thinks that Shadow would be a good companion and will make jokes offhandily that they're sorry that YOU'RE stuck with him, and you don't correct them. They don't deserve to know him.

They don't get to know how the lifeform curls up next to you on his bad days, seeking your affection.

The hedgehog who helps you dry the dishes after every meal with a way too focused look on his face.

The Shadow that always cracks dry ass jokes in hopes to make you smile after a long day.

It's your little secret, and it's one you gladly keep to yourself.

"Oh, he's stuck with me." You wave them off with a smug smirk on your face.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

[phxntomhives]

I'm resurrecting from the dead

Did you get the joke? No? Ok

Small analysis of this pic

But I'd like to remind you I am no expert on the topic, it's just my 2 cent lol

End of S4 spoilers + manga spoilers under the cut

I am quite confident this is dedicated to the midnight tea party of the anime right now. His identity has been revealed so what better way to celebrate than such a wonderful art?

The first thing I personally noted is the pose. Our dear yandere pose (I got Yuno war fleshbacks ngl) The smile, the hands, that eye. He has the full pack. We can all agree he goes a little insane when we talk about the Phantomhive... but yandere? I wouldn't say so (at least not yet, tho he may be on the correct road to become it). I guess he is dancing on the line between sanity and insanity and this is just the result of it.

Someone already said the liquid that is falling is tea. But I am also very much reminded of blood when looking at that color (and knowing his story, it also fits). Thought it may be just me. I would also like to point out how the tea is not just spilling over from the teapots, they are breaking. And Undertaker is just staring at the scene with insanity.

I am also going insane about all the hands: there is a right hand holding the sugar bowl. Then there is another right hand, holding a teacup which is also crumbling down. But that teacup is being "filled" of tea, that is dropping from above. Then there is also a left hand on the top, holding the teapot's handle (that is now detached from the main body). And there is a fourth hand, holding the dessert. So, here is my idea: the three hands that are holding the tea set represent 3 of the prefects: if I were to take a guess from here I would say that the broken teapot could be Herman Greenhill (the most broken one since he likely feels worst about the situation since he technically started everything). Then the sugar bowl could be Lawrence Bluewer: it is just being destroyed and has no power in the situation. The broken teacup is Edgar Redmond: he tried to hold it together but in the end he still lost control over the situation. Let me first go to the dessert now, I'll go to the other hand in a second.

The dessert. Listen, I am no expert in those but I know a strawberry when I see one. And I believe that is very much R!Ciel's favourite snack a strawberry cake. So listen, if we can discuss that the hand holding the teacup could be X or Y, here I am quite confident it is just R!Ciel. Not to mention that Undertaker is technically staring at him with the yandere look so it would make sense: he would be staring a Phantomhive AND an almost perfect Bizzare Doll he has created. I would go yandere too ngl. The dessert is being "watered" by the tea, which if I am correct and it does also symbolize blood, it could represent the idea/the begin of the blood transfution to keep R!Ciel alive. AND the dessert is being held by the last hand. Who were we missing of the P4 again? Violet. And who has casually the same blood type of R!Ciel? Violet. So I think this is him.

One last thing I noticed of the hands is that three of them are "in the dark" (both at the top and left one at the bottom: Lawrence, Greenhill and Redmond), while the one in the bottom right (Violet) is a little more illuminated than the others. Does this confirm/imply that Violet does already know a little more than the others? I'll let you make a decision I feel it may be just the light and I am becoming paranoid.

I absolutely LOVE how the background is the midnight flower glowing. It gives such a nice contrast in the picture. It also helps in making undertaker look even more ominous lolol. It's so bright and maybe it stands for everything pure you can think of. But Undertaker has turned his back to that light and is just enjoying the chaos. I am trying to find more stuff about the flower and its meaning let's see if I find something eheh

That is all thanks for bearing with me lol.

On a side note: did he always had that ring "tattoo" on his pinky? I am blind ✨✨

(I may check later for grammar mistaker I am tired now)

[sunset-synthetica]

tell us ya oppinon pls

Probably going to struggle to formulate this but here you go:

I really dislike the way Tumblr users at large treat being needlessly mean as funny. And I'm not talking about telling TERFs or Nazis to kys, that's valid.

I mean, when someone makes a post, another person politely corrects them or talks about the given topic because they're passionate about it, or literally just asks a question, and the OP hits them back with a pointless insult that helps nobody.

I think there's ways to do that without being genuinely mean, you can poke fun and all that, but this specific thing makes me very upset and is triggering for me due to past experiences that I don't really want to get into.

It feels very weird and like just another edgy 13 year old trying to be cool, except that's something you'd expect from a 13 year old. Young kids are dumb, they don't have the experience and critical thinking adults do and they're gonna do and say stupid shit.

But here, you have fully grown people acting like telling someone to kys over completely harmless stuff is funny.

Like, I've seen posts that joke about a topic, be it a movie or an animal or literally anything, where the joke was based on a misunderstanding, but when I tried to politely explain it, the OP would tell me to kys or fuck off and like. It's not necessarily the words I'm upset about, I've heard worse and was fine, but moreso the fact that I don't know why they told me that? Did I do something wrong? Did I misunderstand??

Idk it's just... a personal thing, because I have a hard time understanding social cues and communicating, so things like this make me paranoid. It's difficult for me to deal with unexpected reactions from people, because I want to understand what went wrong, if it was something I did, and since I usually can't just ask, it's gonna sit on my mind for literal years.

This isn't supposed to be a call for a change or anything like that, but more just me voicing my thoughts on the topic.

[temporalreverie]

Im bored & i saw an ask game so I just answered them all for fun~

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

No

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

I don't have an ex

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

No

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

Eh, it's complicated

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

Yes :3

6. What are you excited for?

Just having fun

7. What happened tonight?

???? It's morning. Hi.

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

I support women <3 be safe with alcohol though

9. Is confidence cute?

Yes!

10. What is the last beverage you had?

Coffeee

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

Im paranoid but like mostly my dad & brother. But Aidan for sure.

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

Yes but my jeans phase died when my thighs came in

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

Idk hopefully play katamari and talk to friends

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

IDK.

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

I kiss my parents goodnight so no.

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

Im always changjng

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

Either my marefriend or Aidan depending on the subject

18. The last time you felt broken?

Hmm sometime in the past few days I think i had a tiny moment but not seriously for at least a month.

19. Have you had sex today?

Im still drinking my coffee calm down..

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

Just spam out job applications low care style and make it their problem. Waste the companies time not ur own

21. Are you in a good mood?

Kind of but I'm soooo sleepy

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

My parent have swam with whale sharks once that would be nice

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

Yes! Mine are maybe a little more colorful but we both have gray with a ring of hazel orange

24. What do you want right this second?

To hug my girlfriend & fall asleep

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

Im in a unique situation for this question where my GF is poly and already is with a few other ppl before we started dating and I'm the most comfortable talking through being BPD triggered with her so like we could talk through it if I got bothered

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

I haven't dyed my hair for a few years. going pink could be fun

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

I laugh at a lot of things rlly easily so probably no. All sorts of jokes even bad puns, and just like cute or charming behavior

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

I don't remember laugh out loud. Probably something my girlfriend said last night

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

Long distance is hard but I don't feel like that's exactly the same as missing someone. I was thinking about my late childhood dog the other day and how I can still image the feel of petting her in various places, the shape of her body and the texture of her hair on like her back and in front of her ears and her neck.

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

Ya

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

My dad is nice

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

We are marefriends!!

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

Yes. I had a pespi for the first time in ages a couple days ago and it knocked me the fuck out

34. Listening to?

Just noises rn but I've been playing We <3 Katamari so various variations of the main theme keep playing in my head.

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

I go through phases of using a little note book for organization but not recently.

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

I kiss my parents goodnight so yeah

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Not rlly, it's like infatuation & good first impressions. Love of everything is like built up over time.

38. Who did you last call?

My marefriend <3

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

I don't remember, but Im always dancing alone with myself

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

Saying goodnight to my parents

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

My mom bought cupcakes and a scone a month ago and we all agreed the cupcakes were pretty bland #sconesweep

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

Not this morning no

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

Maybe years in the past? Not rlly recently.

44. Do you tan in the nude?

I don't want skin cancer </3 or a tan

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

No

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

Close to. Very sleepy

47. Who was the last person to call you?

My dad

48. Do you sing in the shower?

Always!!

49. Do you dance in the car?

Yea

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

Probably in some boy scouts thing years ago

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

Maybe graduation?

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

I love music

53. Is Christmas stressful?

A little but mostly fun

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

Yes they r my best friend

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

Cherry

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

Engineer, artist

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

Nop

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

Too much

59. Take a vitamin daily?

Probably should

60. Wear slippers?

In this season

61. Wear a bath robe?

No

62. What do you wear to bed?

Soft pants + white t shirt

63. First concert?

Green Day probably

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

Target

65. Nike or Adidas?

Esos son Reebok o son Nike?

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

Cheeto

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

Im ageric to peanuts & i love sunflower.

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

My fortnite parody of Romeo & Juliet I wrote this January.

69. Ever take dance lessons?

Hmmmm probably not

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

No

71. Can you curl your tongue?

Ya

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

Never been in one but i probably could've done well

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

Yes, i cry easily

74. What is your favorite book?

Idk reading is for losers. Sorry that's a lie

75. Do you study better with or without music?

With

76. Regularly burn incense?

No, I'm a good cook so i don't burn stuff <3

77. Ever been in love?

💞

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

Vylet Pony i guess

79. What was the last concert you saw?

Ummmm idk. I feel like it was something eh with my parents we just passed by. Like third eye blind

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

Not rlly a tea person. Cold?

81. Tea or coffee?

Coffeeee

82. Favorite type of cookie?

Smirking dog

83. Can you swim well?

Decent. I love water

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

Yes

85. Are you patient?

Very

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

Idk. I guess DJ has more powers so DJ

87. Ever won a contest?

A few. I won a jellybean guessing one like 15+ years ago

88. Ever have plastic surgery?

Noooo

89. Which are better black or green olives?

Green but all 'lives are beautiful

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

Im gay..

91. Best room for a fireplace?

Under chimnie

92. Do you want to get married

Down the line

Link to original

[surveysand]

forty-six.

Do you have an alarm clock? What time is it set to wake you up? yes, it's set to 8 am. i have to take a medicine that time everyday.

Do you like knock-knock jokes? they've definitely lost their appeal over the years, lol.

Are you currently more hungry or thirsty? thirsty.

Are you waiting on anything right now? my groceries to be delivered.

Do you prefer your singing voice or your talking voice more? talking voice.

The last person you met for the first time: What do you think of them? they were very nice.

Have you ever been described as shy? Is it true? yes, i used to be incredibly shy when i was younger. it wasn't until high school that i really began to come out of my shell. now, i think some people would describe me as one of the most comfortable people when in public, lol.

Name the last awkward moment you encountered: when i was on the phone with someone reaching out about a job i applied to. the call's connection wasn't the best and i was having trouble understanding him because of it, so i had to keep asking him to repeat stuff. i also have bad hearing to begin with.

If I could make you anything to eat right now, what would you want? i had lunch not too long ago, so i'd just want some cookies or something as a small dessert.

Do you prefer earphones or the ear-muff style headphones? earphones.

What colour are your jeans / trousers? (pants) black.

Do you type pretty quickly? yes.

Do you remember when you first went on the internet? yes, i was really young and i was watching music videos on youtube.

What do you smell of currently? my perfume.

What was the last gift you received? i'm not sure.

Are you religious? Is this something you were raised with or developed? no. i was raised catholic, but left the church officially in high school. i stopped believing in middle school.

When was the last time you saw rain? a few days ago, but it looks like it might rain today.

How often do you forget important things? not often. i'm too paranoid.

What is one way someone could completely put you off on a first date? being discriminatory.

What about a way someone could make you like them more on a first date? ask about my interests and what they would like to try with me.

Do you enjoy going to gigs / festivals? yes, it's one of my favorite things to do.

What was the last music video you watched? Did you like it? i rewatched "wildest dreams" by taylor swift.

Times tables: Which one did you learn first? probably just ones, lol. they're the simplest.

Do you ever buy people random gifts? (When it’s not their birthday, etc) yes.

Are you more prone to blackheads or spots / pimples? i rarely get acne, but when i do, i get pimples.

Do you fiddle with the phone cord when you talk on the phone? i've never had a phone with a phone cord.

Do you refuse to use public toilets? i try my best not to, but i will if i really need to go.

Do you save your online browsing history? yeah, i don't have a reason to delete it and it automatically saves.

How many books have you read this year? two.

Are you good at guessing things and being correct? sometimes.

If you could have any colour as your natural hair, which would you choose? the one i have now. i think it suits me best.

Does your voice change when you talk to certain people? when i'm talking on the phone with people i don't know, my voice goes higher in pitch, lol. same for when i'm ordering at restaurants, checking out at stores, etc.

How often does your computer freeze up? never.

What do you do when you’re nervous? bite my lips.

[whumpmatsus]

also sorry to y’all if I ever... get any info wrong?

I try to research while seriously writing, but if it’s just something funny for the sake of an ask or joke I just go with whatever I think is funniest rather than researching because it’s not serious writing

feel free to unfollow if you don’t like that tbh

(mini vent in tags idk cuz I’ve been feeling weird lately)

[merakiui]

welcome to the day a duck ruins your perception of items in genshin impact. i uh. made some items in genshin impact as yandere boys and what they're like sort of?? you could try and burn your eyes now. ;) adepti seekers stove- he's going to be a tsundere no buts or uhts. he's the type of yandere that's trying to be protective and failing miserably everytime. so being impatient and angsty. so, he resorts in kidnapping you instead. but hey look on the bright side! even when you're kidnapped you can have delicious meals and snacks! secretly likes to cook for you a lot, but he won't admit it even in death. just don't question why there's a lingering scent of sleeping potions in your meal and you'll be good as jolly jee! probably wants you to help him in the kitchen, since he once heard that couples do that. would probably give you self esteem issues down the line. "didn't i tell you to not get hurt? are you that much of an idiot?? here. have this it'll lessen the pain just a bit so we can walk back home. just drink it already." windsong lyre- smug bastard, smug shit. he's probably a player or just overly dramatic with everything. maybe he's righteous or something.. likes to show off his music skills a lot. he sucks at it tho. gaslights you probably in public places to add more pressure, because people are staring like you're having a performance or something. calls you love even if he's pissed at you for not listening to him, or accusing him of being toxic or suspecting him of being your stalker that always watches you from your window at 2am! would make you paranoid a lot. loves kissing your cheek and tickling you. he's a closeted pervert. you're gonna have to move in an isolated place too, he will spread rumours of you being his lover. "love, I'm sure that you're just overreacting. plus even if i was the stalker that you're talking about I wouldn't be oh so casually talking to you in public when I could've been hiding! jeez it's like your going crazy." wind-blessed harpastrum- such sweety! just so wholesome bakes you a pie in tuesday sweet. seems patient too but beware he will break your legs when you get a little bit too bratty for his tastes. touch starved too and it shows, that's why he loves to cuddle you lots! really obsessed with what you think of him. if you say you hate him he'll tear up and try to convince you that he's good, but if you pretend that you like him he'll shower you with uncomfortable affection and confessions. really great at making bombs and torture weapons too. probably sewed in a bomb inside your body threatened that he will kill you with it if you leave. bad at darts and archery. if you say that to him he'll laugh and take out his diploma saying that he's too smart for those childish games. he's impulsive in decision making. "haha. you know. you almost escaped from me back there. but hey! now you won't do anything stupid like that ever again if you can't walk." windblume balloon: listen man. im going to be killed but he's an airhead, pun intended right there. probably lowkey manipulative and doesn't even know it yet or chooses to ignore it. protective of you a lot. really delusional to the point that he rationalizes your escape as someone kidnapping you. so say goodbye to whoever poor stranger who was trying to help you escape they'll be greeted by an arrow through their head once he finds you. has a habit of holding your hand because he's afraid you might disappear from his line of sight and leave him all alone. if you let go tho he'll gorilla grip your hand, might crush it too. just very overprotective. he also doesn't know that he's an airhead. yeah."hm? why do i like holding you hand..? i just like it.. your hand makes me feel... uh. safe..? is that the word for it? ah. it was the word loved." wind catcher- he's a full on sadist. throw all of your escape plans out the window, this guy will climb a mountain and ride any wind current available to catch and torture you. persistently trying to make you like him atleast a bit. yeah, he's that kind of delusional. would teasingly push you

of a cliff as a 'light' punishment. dark humour and likes to joke about killing you from time to time. note: he can kill you. and he would also do it by ripping you in half with the wind current so just stay in his house and be a good lover that'll shower him in kisses, okay? okay. he mostly sees you as a tool of interest, but not just any tool- you're his favourite tool. "pfft! hey stop crying now! you're making me feel bad! hm? oh? why am i doing this? well i mean maybe I'm angry that someone was trying to escape. again." warming bottle- he will absolutely leave you in the cold if you were being a brat towards him. lives in dragonspine to spite you, also because he can just turn take away your blankets and anything that can give warmth so you gotta ask him to cuddle you to survive. he usually does this when he's feeling a little petty. which is so frequent. that you can almost give it a schedule. but don't tell him that. kind of a tsundere but only when it comes to physical affection since he's shy. that's why he has to take away your blankets so it looks like he's just mocking you but not because he's touch starved. he's not at home that much too but don't worry, he will make it up to you by uh.. physical activities.. "what? you're freezing? no shit we're in dragonspine. oh? you want me to hug you..? hm. fine. I'll indulge you for a bit. I am quite merciful." parametric transformer- businessman that scams you a lot lol. he's going to be a masochist because i said so, yeah i know the electric stone thing gag that's why i made him a masochist. really likes to collect useless stuff and spoiling you, so expect your room to be filled with a lot of random things from jewelry to mushrooms and crabs. has a you should be grateful i even give stuff mindset. thinks that giving someone something of vaue would make them fall in love with him instantly. also probably loves it when you fight back especially when you successfully land a hit on him, he will enjoy it. but be careful he has different responses whenever you hit him. pick your poison. spends a ton of resources on everything to keep you in line. that rope costed him 700 pinecones. "why do you even wanna escape? i give you a ton of stuff so you won't get bored! hah. maybe if i had picked up someone else they would've been grateful." portable waypoint- throw out your escape plans the season sequel. he's very quiet but has a small temper that won't last that much. maybe he's like that since he tries so hard to repress it. listen he's trying okay? escape always fails so quickly. one minute you're in springvale shouting, crying, begging for anyone to help you and then back to his house to see him sipping some tea. his punishments are cruel too- he makes sure to leave you in a den of monsters and ruin guards, waits until your in the brink of death and teleports you back to him. has a superiority complex over everyone too. probably likes to make you feel weak when you have to rely on him. loves to crush your self esteem. wants to be affectionate but thinks that you, as an inferior being, should be affectionate with him instead. so tsun. "see? this is what i was trying to tell you. you're too weak to actually survive out there. you even had to rely on me to save you. pathetic." memento lens- mysterious and elegant. he's quite cryptic to say the least. likes to watch you from a far if he's feeling a bit angsty. you try to make sense of what he says and it just leads to you being confused even more. and he likes that about you. you actually try to understand him, even if what you guess is wrong. you're going to have a tough time with this guy if you wanna escape. just avoid any fox statues and you'll be good. the problem is the shrine maidens. they basically want the two of you to end up together so they don't have to deal with him. he's actually very gentle with you punishments still suck but atleast he doesn't do it physically, he just makes you write that you're sorry over and over until your wrist are tired. loves poetry and solving puzzles, riddles, scriptures. he's

smart but soft. "spring blossoms even in the darkest depths of uncertainty, is that why you have the courage to try and escape me..?" kamera- perfectionist stalker. wants to make sure that the photos he takes of you are perfect to every extent. colour, lighting, and expressions. even if it means going inside your room and having the possibility of waking you up from your sleep. likes to take pictures of everything too. kind of like this; both of you are walking somewhere and he stops to take a picture of a sunset. he takes twenty minutes trying to find the correct angle. but the sun is already gone so he sulks. maybe- you can cheer him up by volunteering to be his model? you'll do that? right? also worships you like a god so if someone dared to even say something breath near you or celestia forbid insult you, best to say they'll be quickly disposed of by blackmail and fake shit. would not steal any of your belongings, he would just take pictures of it. so he's not that bad. "i consider everything in this world is beautiful, but you have surpassed that. so that is why im keeping you here. no one deserves even a glimpse of you!" waverider toolbox- he's such a gentlemen and a sweetheart. always there to help you with repairs, sometimes he'd add some updates to it too. just ignore the stuff going missing inside your boat thing. he probably guilt-gaslight you into staying with him in his waverider then bam your in an island stranded. ahaha, now both of you just have to survive by working together ya know? like a loving couple likes hugs and physical affection a lot! bonus points if it's given when he's tired from doing his job. as i said tired guy so appreciates all the things you do for him whether it's paying for his meal or giving him a gift. next time, he'll make sure that you won't leave the island permanently. thinks that stranded island equals date smh. " ahh? oh! is this for me? really? thank you.. i don't usually receive gifts but that just makes this even more special! say, do you wanna go on a trip? i just fixed the waverider from last time." red feather fan- mischievous little shit. likes to scare you a lot by appearing on trees and just jumping on you. knows that you're trying to escape but pretends not to since he likes to try and guess which direction you would run to. hugs you a lot even before he kidnaps you really touchy even if you say no he'll use the good ol puppy eyes! doesn't work? okay he'll just smell your clothes when you're sleeping as compensation. he likes to flirt with you a lot. some pickup are cheesy.. but others are a little- personal? acts cool by making a dramatic entrance everytime even. you know those radical superhero landing stuff? that's him. he would build a nest as your house even being a dick and placing it on top of a mountain, goodluck on trying to get down. "caught you! going to the shore was so predictable by the way. maybe you should try a different place next time, dear? hm? maybe a restaurant so we can have date? sounds great right?" serenitea pot- unhinged malewife that wants to make a the perfect living space for you- ehem. probably a perfectionist if you squint hard enough. he's delusional but just a little lucid about the stuff he does to you. likes to make a ton of furniture too! personalized the room you're trapped in with a ton of valuable and expensive materials. just don't try to escape he'll cut your limbs off just like a damn tree shawtie. owns a shit ton of pets ranging from boars to cats. all of them are like bodyguards to you during your stay. dreams about having a peaceful life with you in the realm someday, sigh. he sometimes has burnouts where he just places a bunch of furniture on a single room and call it a day. "and here is your room! do.. do you like it? i made it just for you! i didn't know what wood you would prefer so i just settled on whatever i can find! ahaha. we're kind of like a married couple living together now... right?" nre menu- he's probably going to be from the adventurers guild. really awkward and shy. takes for him a long time to

open up to you. when going on quests he's the one in charge of carrying the food and healing shit you need. really patient and nice! slightly uh mean with other people trying to talk to you but other than that everything is normal. everything is normal the long loving gaze he gives you every now and then and some food being left on your doorstep. yeah let's not question it i mean he's just so shy! he would never do anything wrong? right?? he's a closeted pervert, cliche i know but he's a pervert with a line to not cross. he just checks you out. good for him. would cry if given any ounce of affection. sweet baby. "t-that was a tough commission.. oh u-uh.. do you need some food to replenish your energy? we need to do the other commissions you know.. hm? why aren't you eating it.. something wrong with the food..?" seelies- spoiled. that's the word to describe him. really straight forward with his courting kind of dumb? but he's so damn lucky for some unknown reason that your plans to avoid him always fail. yeah the high quality rope you just bought for 1000 mora? it broke and you fell into his arms. he's probably rich by sheer dumb luck too. finds a ton treasure chests even in the places you didn't expect. people pressure you into spending time with him. since he's just so cute! how could say no to such a face? it really feels like the gods are on his side ya know? he throws a lot of very very aggressive tantrums if you're not with him. thinks he's doing a good job at courting you, with rationalize rejection as a playing hard to get. "tada! look i got you this crystal i found while i was walking! it looks like a diamond and it has a ton of colours too?? is it valuable?? would you kiss me if i give it to you??" endora- majestic, regal, and likes to explore a lot. he uh. probably trapped you in a bubble once or twice too. really curious about his surroundings, also has no personal space since it's first time going out. he would cuddle you when he feels like it homie. kidnapped you and made you his tour guide. don't try to fool him he learns quickly about stuff. fast swimmer, so no joining any expeditions in water if you don't want their ship to be wrecked by a mysterious being of the teyvat seas. he likes to see you cry. it's not a kink he just feels connected to you when you cry. doesn't have a house so you just live in a run down boat. he's doesn't know when you're lying to him sometimes. god complex bastard. "this world. at first i wasn't sure if i was going to like it or not, but ever since I've met you... I've grown to tolerate some parts.. so you should be thankful, you've convinced me. mortal." intertwined fate/older twin- listen. he's just so smug about everything he does. and he knows you love him. probably invites you out on dinner only for him to not show up. so basically he's an asshole without a doubt. toxic boyfriend that gives you false hope and has a ton of admirers. you probably think he won't settle for you right? ah, he's not that cruel. so picks you as his lover out of all the billions of people. you should be grateful! he even kidnapped you! do you know how hard it was for him to go all the way from his home to yours? anyways yeah. asshole. he likes to do the open the door for darling trick where he just gives you a small crack on the door and watch you make a decision. it's an act of your loyalty. if you escape he'll make you feel pain. if you don't then he'll reward your patience. god complex bastard 2."sigh. did you try to escape? again? patience is the key to everything you know. maybe you should learn that. i expected more smart from you." acquaint fate/younger twin- cinnamonroll he's such a sweet guy. he's always there for you when you need him. okay- he has a nice guy complex, fucking damn it. probably uses the but I've been there for you since the start trick unintentionally a lot. he just doesn't know he wants some action, so be thankful that he didn't just jump on you like a barbarian. he's kind of contradicting himself too. one hand he wants you to love him, on the other hand he doesn't

believe he deserves you. loves to give you the same things, remember that one painting you liked from two years ago? he got you that. quantity beats quality. surprisingly, he's really patient but would have bursts of anger every now and then. has a self value issues?? yeah, but did i tell you he's a touch starved guy. punshments are just him softly lecturing you about what's good and what's wrong."i always viewed myself as inferior, that i didn't deserve anything.. but this time. i want to be greedy just once." that's it- :'D i haven't proofread this but here you go mer! ill probably continue with more humanisations of items in genshin later.. if you ask why i ruined your day with this crazy idea i was watching that one video of a person humanising social media and got this idea. also i discovered how to bold out texts... i have power..ejwjdhshaj

so yeah have a great day! -🦆anon

I AM IN AWE?!?! WHOA OMG!!!!! 🦆, THIS IS FANTASTIC!! AAAAAA (≧∀≦)

All of the various characterizations… *chef’s kiss* It’s literally so good! With each one I read I kept thinking okay this guy is my favorite and then I would read the next description and my heart was stolen again. I can’t pick a favorite now. T_T

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hello!

Trigger warnings for hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, stuff like that.

So, I experience frequent hallucinations, mainly gustatory (taste) and visual, with the occasional auditory ones. I experience delusions (if I've understood the definition correctly, but that may be my anxiety) - mostly ones that people can read my thoughts, everyone wants to betray me, there's a camera in my head people are tracking me through, and, more recently, my family is trying to trap me and hurt me. That last one can sometimes be to the point where I have trouble realizing it isn't real and someone else needs to either guide me enough until it's over, or at least snap me out of a more intense moment where I'm physically doing something (yet to happen around said family). I also hear voices, particularly one that tells me everyone is out to get me and is overall very paranoid.

I have yet to bring any of this up with my therapist, particularly due to my physical reactions around the last delusion, and the fear that she may put me in a psych ward ("a danger to yourself or others" is extremely unclear when other people seem to make leaps to cliffs you could never even see based on a tiny thing you said), and my psychiatrist doesn't seem interested in telling me what's exactly going on, just in treating it (even though for me, having a name to it is much more helpful, mentally, than treatment - my brain is weird alright).

I was going to look into possible disorders, but I feel like I'm jumping too quickly, and maybe it's just something that's not connected to a disorder, you know? And even if it is, I don't have the first clue what to look at besides schizophrenia. So...I guess I'm asking for a little bit of support, validation, and a sprinkle of help if you can offer it? Sorry for the rambling ask with no clear goal, I'm tired and just thought I'd take the shot in the dark. Thank you for anything you can give, and I am so sorry if this is insensitive, rude, or confusing in any way.

Hi anon,

Please don't apologize! You do seem to have a clear goal, and this was not insensitive, rude, or confusing whatsoever!

So it sounds like you're experiencing a lot of hallucinations, paranoia, and even some level of delusions. It's causing you a lot of distress for a multitude of reasons, and you want to bring it up with your therapist but you're worried that your therapist will send you to a psych ward.

I think it's worth exploring the fact that you said your psychiatrist "doesn't seem interested in telling me what's exactly going on, just in treating it." I think it's important for your psychiatrist to be pretty much completely transparent with you regarding what they believe you may be dealing with or their thoughts for how to manage it. It sounds like your psychiatrist doesn't make you feel listened to or cared about - only on a surface level. That's not necessarily uncommon with psychiatrists, to mainly keep sessions to any medication changes etc. - but they should at least be transparent with you.

It's not apparent to me that you are a danger to yourself or others, so I don't believe you would be put in a psych ward even if you did disclose what you're experiencing (correct me if I'm wrong). That being said, I do understand how scary the idea of psych wards and being put in one can be, but consider that psych wards are ultimately there to ensure your sanity and safety. Also remember that if you are admitted, it won't be forever - my psychiatrist said that the stays are typically only for a few weeks. My sister was once put in a psych ward and she said it turned out to be actually quite fun, because she met a ton of friends who she bonded with over similar experiences and they'd often crack jokes about the whole thing. I think the fearmongering and antagonization around psych wards are unfortunately common, and while they have some merit (not all psych wards are perfect, some of them are bad) I don't believe that those anecdotes or attitudes should scare you out of getting the help you may need.

I think it would only benefit you to talk to your therapist about what's been going on lately. Please remember that part of a therapist's job is to be impartial, empathetic, honest, and nonjudgmental. I think being able to talk to your therapist about this will not only help you jump over the hurdle of confessing something rather vulnerable, but your therapist will only better help you find ways to cope with this, as well as getting a clearer understanding of your world.

We are not professionals so it's not really my place to tell you what disorder you might have, and so I do recommend that you perhaps ask your therapist about what they think it might be.

Please know that you're not alone, not only in your experiences but in your fears surrounding being honest with your psychiatrist or therapist. It's a big step to make so just be patient with yourself. You are valid. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[dutifullysecretgentlemen]

Would you believe this is my first time being tagged in something like this! Thank you!

Are you named after anyone? Currently yes after my late aunt, I'm actually the third of my name in the family. But I am currently working on finding a name for myself

When was the last time you cried? Yesterday, too many sad puppy videos.

Do you have kids? No, and I would like to keep it that way.

Do you use sarcasm? Yes, mostly in a joking way and I'm scared that someone might take it seriously cause I naturally sound sarcastic. I will always correct myself.

What is the first thing you notice about people? I vibe check everyone. In person I look at the way people stand or approach me to get a feel before we even exchange words. Online that first message is heavily thought over to make sure it's safe to interact. I feel like it's because I'm very paranoid as a person or due to all the trauma.

What is your eye color? A light blue.

Scary movie or happy ending? I love scary movies. A friend and I have kept a list of every scary movie we watched together and we just crossed 300 a few days ago.

Any special talent? I can whistle with my hands. You know the one where you cup your hands together and it makes almost a bird call.

Where were you born? Too close to where I live.

What are your hobbies? Does obsessing over certain media and reading fanfiction count?

Any pets? Yes, I have a 2year old pitbull mix. She is insane and just as paranoid as me.

What sports do you/have you played? I will continue to believe marching band is a sport. There is nothing you can do to convince me otherwise. When I was younger I also did gymnastics and karate.

How tall are you? Last checked 5'5"

Favorite subject in school? Science

Dream job? Honestly this has changed over the years. But the job I am in now is where I'm happy. If I could just make a living wage I would never leave. I work at an amusement park as a ride operator and supervisor. I have fun and yet am super serious when It comes to safety. I have plenty of stories that I have to keep plenty vague. But all around a good time.

(no pressure) tags: with a twist call I don't have 15 mutuals but I do follow more than 15 people: @blackfashion @c @dear-ao3 @e @firefox-official @heritageposts @itsapmseymour @just--space @k @love-personal @medewerkers @neil-gaiman @one-time-i-dreamt @osha-official-the-sequel @pukicho

15 tags 15 mutuals

*tips hat* @athemarina

1. Are you named after anyone?: No but there is this thing on my father's side of my family where give a name starting with the letter A to their child.

2. When was the last time you cried?: About a month ago.

3. Do you have kids?: Noh

4. Do you use sarcasm?: Why would I ever?

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?: The way they talk and I try to notice hand gestures a lot.

6. What’s your eye colour?: Dark brown

7. Scary movies or happy endings?: Either one or both

8. Any special talents?: Eh....I can do this thing with my arms, it's a bit hard to explain but one friend called it a 'bone breaker' and my other friend told me I was temporarily popping it out of it's socket.

9. Where were you born?: Earth. I assure you that I am not an alien.

10. What are your hobbies?: Writing, drawing, reading, day dreaming, plotting ways to rebel against my school.

11. Have you any pets?: Fishes.

12. What sports do you play/have played?: Speed skating, swimming

13. How tall are you?: 5'4'' (yes I am very short)

14. Favourite subject in school?: Art (I am a computer science student)

15. Dream job?: Honestly I am trying to survive through school. My dream job was crushed in 8th grade.

Tagging: @late-to-the-fandom @master-of-the-pigeon-religion @on-noon @caligraphyzev @calloumii @idreamofhamandcheese @rxd-bxttrflxss @isabellebissonrouthier @midnight-and-his-melodiverse@subuthetitan @i-eat-books-and-nutella @timetravellingkitty @avocado-frog @usernamewastaken @aohendo

[multifandomwhore-003]

Stalker

Pairing: JJ Maybank x female! OC

Summary: An acquaintance the Pogues run into needs urgent help.

Genre(s): Angst, kinda fluffy.

Warnings: Mentions of stalkery,k*dnapping, k*lling, and r*pe.

𓆉︎𝙹𝙹 𝙼𝚊𝚢𝚋𝚊𝚗𝚔 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚁𝚞𝚍𝚢 𝙿𝚊𝚗𝚔𝚘𝚠 𝚒𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝𓆉︎ REQUESTS OPEN, REQUEST HERE THIS IS NOT FREE USE, YOU CANNOT USE MY WORK Reblog if you like

They laughed at JJ's joke as they continued to walk out of the restaurant, unconsciously, John turned around not even trying to look at something, until he spotted you; he stopped his gaze while you walked as quickly as you could, he frowned at first but then noticed the man you've been running from for four blocks.

"Hey, guys," he wanted to make sure if he's theory was correct or maybe he was just being paranoid, "Is it just me, or is-"

"Wait, is that- that's Elle, right?" JJ finally figured who you were, "Why is she walking so fast?"

"She's- She's being followed," Pope confirmed John's theory.

"We gotta help her," Kiara suggested.

"I mean, do we? This is Armelle we're talking about, if she can punch Topper and knock him out, she can take care of herself," Pope saw Kie.

"Dude, she can literally go missing or get raped or killed! We need to help her!"

"Oop, we're losing her," JJ said while he began to run towards you.

The others followed. You heard rushed steps which made your heart hammer worst than it did before, you weren't sure if to run, or stop, you were terrified. As the steps became closer, you surrendered yourself to the idea of a sad reality that happens every day to thousands of women around the world. You felt a hand on your shoulder and before you eve thought about it, you turned around and punched someone's face. JJ's face.

You covered your mouth with your hands, "Oh, my god. I'm so sorry, I- I didn't mean- I thought you-"

"No, it's okay, it's okay," The blonde boy cleaned the small amount of blood coming out of his nose.

"See? I told you she could take care of herself," Pope muttered to Kiara.

"What- what are you guys doing here?" you asked.

"We, uh-" John cleared his throat, " We just wanted to make sure you were ok,"

You smiled in the most sincere and relieving way, "Um, not really," you discretely pointed at the guy who continued to follow you, "I don't know what to do, I don't wanna show him where I live," you whispered.

The group looked at each other, the original plan before they helped you was going each one to their house since it was almost midnight.

"You can come to the chateau for a while if you want to," John suggested.

"Are you sure? Because the last time I tried to hide somewhere he never left until I left," you played with your fingers.

"Wait, this isn't the first time he's followed you?" Pope widened his eyes.

"No," you scratched your neck.

"Since when has he been following you?" the blonde boy questioned.

"Four days," you gulped.

"Oh, my god and how do you get rid of him?" Kiara placed her hand on your shoulder.

"I hide in the marsh until it's almost 1 am and he just leaves," you remembered the hour you left the water last night, "If I stay in a public place he doesn't leave, but these days he disappeared when I was alone there,"

"Why haven't you told the police?" Pope looked concerned.

"I already tried, but they said that I didn't have enough proof for them to do something," your eyes started to water, "I a- I appreciate the help guys but unfortunately there's nothing you can do. I don't wanna risk your integrity,"

"No, there must be something we can do," Pope tried to convince you.

"There isn't I-" you sobbed quietly.

Kira hugged you, and as much as you wanted to continue to cry on her shoulder, you knew that you had to leave before it was too late. You opened your eyes, there he was, "checking out a store", he was waiting for you to leave the group.

"I- I have an idea," JJ stated and everyone looked at him, "You can stay at my house, and we can pretend is yours,"

Confusion flashed across your face, "Ok..." you trailed off not really understanding.

"Ok, so we go to my house but we pretend like it's yours and you can sleep there today, if he wants to know where you live he's probably gonna try to do something to you while we're there," JJ explained, "If he tries to go in or somethin', you won't be alone and maybe we can even take him to the police."

"But what if we don't and he comes back, he will realize I don't actually live there, besides, that means putting you and whoever you live with, in danger,"

"Then you can stay there until he does something, one of these days he's not gonna leave when you're at the marsh and try to do something there," Pope agreed with JJ.

"Besides, my dad and I leave the house during the day, so if he tries to visit or somethin', he won't find anyone at home," JJ raised his shoulders.

"And you're sure that your dad won't mind me staying there?"

"He'll be out for a week so, I think that's enough time to put this asshole in jail,"

"JJ, you don't have o do this, really," you were willing to put yourself in danger before involving them.

"I know, but I will," he said with simplicity.

"For once, JJ said something coherent, " Pope seed surprised.

JJ looked at him offended.

"Ok, then," John clapped his hands, "We should get going, we have parents whose sleep we're taking away because we keep worrying them,"

The teenagers smiled at the irony of the sentence, truth is, most nights they stayed at the chateau not caring about what their parents thought.

You kissed them on the cheek as a goodbye and whispered a little thank you to everyone. You looked at JJ and nodded and so began your way to his house.

˙˚˙༓࿇༓˙˚˙

"So, here's the bathroom," he pointed at the little door, "And that's it, I know it's not super impressive but, it's something," he smirked awkwardly.

"It's better than my house, trust me," you smirked back.

"Ok, so you'll sleep in my room and I'll sleep in my dad's room," he pointed at them.

"Oh, no it's okay I can sleep on the couch," You shook your head.

"No, it's fine, you can sleep on my bed. You're most likely to stay here for more than one day, so..."

You never knew this side of JJ or even imagined he had one, sure you agreed on the fact that he was a good person, but you never knew he was such a soft guy. You decided to hug him, out of fear and gratitude. He hugged you back with a smile across his face.

"Thank you," you whispered in his chest and at the edge of crying.

"You have nothing to thank me for," he mumbled.

You continued to sob in his chest feeling a little embarrassed.

"It's okay," he placed a small kiss on your hair.

These past few days you've questioned yourself so many times, why me? Couldn't it be someone else that could handle it? Sure, you were known as the prettiest girl on the island, but you never imagined this would come as the consequence of something you can't control. Also, having to wait for the man to leave with soaking wet clothes, worst experience to live, but feeling so frightened of someone to the point of almost having a panic attack? Yeah, that sucks too. You needed to cry, you've been holding it because of the idea of not wanting to show only your stalker weakness.

Once you were able to calm yourself down you separated from the blonde boy noticing that his shirt was now wet.

"Oh, sorry," you pointed at the little humid area.

"You don't have to apologize," he smirked, "Besides, hugging the most beautiful girl on the island and for her to cry on your shirt," he scoffed, "The money I could make out of it with every kook that wants to even talk to you, man, I could make myself rich," he joked.

You giggled in response.

"Do you have any clothes to change?" he questioned.

You shook your head.

"Well, you can grab a shirt and a pair of shorts from my drawer," he pointed at his room.

You nodded and began to walk towards where you were staying for the night.

[makeste]

this is pretty random and you don't need to answer it, haha, but could you share your personal hcs regarding platonic todobaku with me??? 🥺🥺🥺 i'm in need, LOL, and your takes on characterization and relationships on bnha are always so spot on, so... i hope you're having a good day/night!!!!!!!💖💖💖

thank you so much! sorry it took a while to gather all of these; my TodoBaku headcanons weren’t as immediately forthcoming as my general Baku headcanons were. but here goes. the first half of these ended up being more just my general thoughts about their relationship than actual headcanons, but I eventually steered myself back on track.

first of all, this is important to note: when Katsuki says in ch. 241 that “there’s no correlation between time spent [together] and friendship”, it’s not purely out of denial. this is something he genuinely believes, having learned it the hard way growing up. for someone who seemingly led a pretty charmed life for most of his childhood, Katsuki hasn’t actually had a particularly sunshiny experience when it comes to his friendships. all of his closest childhood friends eventually left him (Tsubasa), turned on him (Deku -- from his perspective lol. obviously this wasn’t actually the case at all, but it’s how he interpreted it, and it definitely had a big impact on him emotionally), or abandoned him (that long-fingered kid, who notably fled and never looked back when the sludge monster tried to eat Katsuki back in chapter one. like, thanks for nothing, my dude).

so it’s not surprising that all of these experiences would have a profound impact on Katsuki’s ability to trust other people and accept them as real, genuine friends. in its own way his childhood was almost as isolating as Deku and Shouto’s. it’s only since coming to U.A. that he’s started to make real friends again for the first time since kindergarten. and even then, in the case of Kirishima and Kaminari and Sero, even though I think he does consider them friends, he still isn’t very open with them. because he’s learned the hard way that that can lead to hurt, and I think he’s very hesitant to ever let himself be vulnerable to that again.

but having said all that, Shouto is still absolutely correct when he says that they’re friends. and the thing is Katsuki knows it too, but he’s just reluctant to admit it. partly because the part of his brain that processes everything as rivalry isn’t sure whether Being Friends With Shouto = Losing To Shouto (IS THIS A TRAP??), and partly because of everything else I just explained above. even though by this point he knows Shouto pretty well, well enough to be reasonably sure he’s not just gonna be another fakeass groupie who turns tail at the first sign of trouble, there’s still a part of him that’s hesitant to admit that connection is there, because doing so opens him up to potentially being hurt again at some point. goddammit. why is this shit so complicated.

meanwhile on Shouto’s side of things, this poor lil bubba never had any friends growing up to begin with, so he’s not nearly as paranoid or prickly as Katsuki is. instead, he’s still discovering for himself just what friendship is all about. the interesting thing about Shouto is that since he never had any childhood friendships, in a way, the friendships that he’s making now at U.A. are his childhood friendships. and so they tend to be straightforward and uncomplicated in much the same way that very young children’s friendships are uncomplicated. “I like this person; I am going to make them my friend.” boom. done. friendship is mad easy yo.

and he does like Katsuki! sure, his personality is a bit unconventional, but there’s a lot to admire about him even so, and they actually have a lot in common! they’re both rather introverted. they’re both very serious, and I think this is something that Shouto particularly appreciates, because jokes and idioms and playful insincerity sometimes fly over his head just because he doesn’t have a lot of experience dealing with other people. but Katsuki NEVER jokes around, and he is never insincere. he says what he means, with the exception of insults, which are 90% more bark than bite. and so once Shouto figured that out, it became very easy to figure out how to interact with him. aside from that, they’re both close with Shouto’s Other Best Friend Midoriya, they both have incendiary quirks, and they both tend towards the quiet side (yes, even Katsuki) with the occasional burst of hotheadedness (maybe a bit more than “occasional” when it comes to Katsuki’s end).

and like I said, there’s a lot that Shouto admires about Katsuki as well. he really respects how determined Katsuki is, because he himself lacked any sort of clear goals for quite a while growing up. all he knew was that he didn’t want to end up being like his dad. but Katsuki is someone who has always known what he wants, and he goes after it with a singlemindedness that Shouto is almost envious of. he’s also very intelligent and quick-thinking, and Shouto knows he can rely on him in a tight spot. he’s also honest, and surprisingly principled, and while he’s definitely not the nicest guy around, I think Shouto can recognize to some degree those same types of walls that he once spent so much time building up around himself. and so he knows that to a certain extent, Katsuki’s hostility is just a front. and I think he’s both intrigued by that, and drawn to it. because every so often when Katsuki’s guard does drop and his better self briefly shines through, Shouto can see that he’s someone worth getting to know.

anyways, but enough of my rambling about their relationship, and on to the actual headcanons. first of all, I firmly believe in my heart of hearts that at some point during all of those mentally and physically taxing weekends spent training for their provisional exam, they have each fallen asleep on the other’s shoulder during the ride home. Katsuki was actually the first to do it, and it was only for a couple of minutes, but when he woke up he was absolutely mortified. but much to his relief, Shouto never said another word about it. (and if Shouto still remembers the warm, cozy feeling in his chest during those few brief minutes when Katsuki was dead to the world, with his face smoothed out and completely trusting and his breathing strangely in rhythm with the movement of the car, and if doing so brings him a sense of calm that’s hard to describe, well then, that’s no one’s business but his own.)

anyway, so because life is Just Like That, eventually of course the reverse happened. and with anyone else, Katsuki would have violently shoved them aside without a second thought, and he was almost gonna do the same here, but then he remembered he owed him (because he really did keep his mouth shut about the earlier incident, thank fuck), and so he didn’t. for almost two whole minutes, anyway. whatever. that’s more than generous, really. meanwhile no one else knows about this except for Aizawa, who was chaperoning them that day, and took mild notice at first on account of it being unusual behavior on Katsuki’s part, but then immediately forgot about it afterwards. he was proud of them both for upping their napping game, though. he respects naps.

both Shouto and Katsuki were actually scared shitless during the test of courage at the forest training camp, and if Katsuki hadn’t been kidnapped and everything had instead gone on as normal, they would have both had trouble getting to sleep that night. Katsuki actually can’t stand scary movies or ghost stories (fyi this is canon according to the third light novel, and EXCUSE HIM FOR HAVING A HEALTHY RESPECT FOR THE SUPERNATURAL. you wanna go and get your own dumb ass cursed or dragged to hell or whatever, BE HIS GUEST). whereas Shouto has next to no experience with them and doesn’t really see what’s so scary about ghosts because GHOSTS AREN’T REAL DUH, but even he feels a little unsettled when an undead swamp girl suddenly rises from the depths and crabwalks towards them in the middle of the woods.

Katsuki has on rare occasions been so drained by provisional lessons that he goes into autopilot and forgets to pretend not to be friends with Shouto, which can result in them having completely normal conversations for minutes at a time before he eventually regains enough of his senses to realize he’s fraternizing with the enemy. this is how Shouto learned about things like Katsuki’s favorite foods, and his love of hiking. the latter is actually one subject that Katsuki can go on and on about if you get him started, and Shouto very much enjoys hearing about it and never tries to stop him.

by contrast, Katsuki never intentionally seeks to gain any new knowledge about Shouto because he feels like he already knows way more than he ever wanted to. however, this doesn’t stop him from absorbing knowledge against his will by simple osmosis, and then discovering to his dismay that he’s retained the information afterward. this is why he also knows Shouto’s favorite food in return (although to be fair, I think everyone in Japan knows Shouto’s favorite food), as well as other tidbits like the fact that he likes strawberry-flavored things (because he always gets the same brand of strawberry milk from the vending machine during their lunch breaks). he hates himself a little for both noticing and remembering these stupid little details, and would rather be kidnapped again than ever admit to Shouto that he does.

Katsuki thinks of Shouto as “Todoroki” in his head rather than “IcyHot” or “Half n’ Half”, and has to make a conscious effort to use the nicknames whenever he addresses him out loud. more and more often he finds himself forgetting to do so nowadays, much to his dismay. Shouto was pleasantly surprised the first few times it happened, but quickly stopped taking notice of it, as he’s come to realize that the way Katsuki addresses people carries very little meaning regardless, since something like 75% of his actual feelings are conveyed through his actions rather than his words.

Katsuki does wish that Shouto had had the decency to choose his surname as his hero alias rather than his given name, though. he lives in fear that one of these days he’ll be required to call him “Shouto” while on duty. number one hero or not, there’s a good chance he would resign from his internship at the Endeavor Hero Agency before he ever willingly agreed to that.

and last but not least, the number one thing that Katsuki would rather jump in a freezing lake than admit to Shouto or even himself is that he actually cares about him too. and has even mostly forgiven him for wussing out at the last minute during the sports festival. he still doesn’t fully understand why he did it, but he gets that Shouto was Going Through Some Stuff, and okay yeah, he can admit that his family situation is pretty fucked up, so whatever. there’s an uncomfortable feeling he gets whenever he’s reminded of this; sort of a weird, squirmy feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever the subject of Endeavor comes up, or whenever he sees Shouto talking to the man himself. it makes him feel restless and on edge, and he never knows what to say or do afterwards, especially if Shouto goes all quiet and sullen and reflective. he wants to scream at him, or slap him on the back of the head, or grab him by the shoulders and shake him; whatever it takes to snap him out of it and ease the tension. but he knows that’s not the right way to handle it. and more to the point, he knows that he’s not the right person to handle it. and sometimes, if he’s not quick enough to squash the feeling when he senses it coming, he wonders how Shouto would react if he ever found out what Katsuki used to be like back in elementary and middle school. and he wonders whether Shouto would still be so dead-set insistent on calling them friends. and then he does squash out the thought, as viciously as he possibly can.

anyway so that turned weirdly angsty towards the end whoops. not even sure what happened there, since this is supposed to be my cute and funny ship, while BakuDeku greedily hogs all the angst for itself! lol my bad. but don’t worry, they still love each other, and Shouto is still fond and soft and equipped with bullshit-radar, and Katsuki is still rabid and in denial and a dumbass.

[supermarvelgirl15]

Home- Chapter 4 (The Prisoner)

Summary: Din and Jesla join a crew of mercenaries on a dangerous mission to spring a convict from a prison ship. Jesla sees someone from her past.

Pairing: Eventual Din Djarin (The Mandalorian) × OC!Jesla Gavdo

Word Count: 3,725

Warnings: Violence, gun TW, Mayfeld being insensitive

A/N: Din Djarin in red lighting. That's all I'm gonna say

Series Masterlist // Main Masterlist

××××××

   Jesla paces behind Din as he lands the Razor Crest in a space station hangar bay, muttering to herself. He told her that he had contacted a man he once knew, and that he would pay them for a job that he needed done. She was reluctant about taking this job, but then again, she almost died on the last one.

   “You don't need to be moving around so much. You're not exactly completely healed,” Mando reminds her as he stands up from his seat. 

   “I gotta bad feeling about this, Mando,” Jesla tells him, tapping the side of her leg. Something didn't feel right to her about this at all.

    Din rolls his eyes from beneath his helmet as he starts down the ladder. “You're being paranoid,” he replies. Jesla scoffs as she follows him down. He had the audacity to tell her she was being paranoid?

   “If I recall- correct me if I'm wrong- the last time I said that, we had to emergency land on Tatooine,” she retorts, placing her hand on her hip. Mando grumbles incoherently, making Jesla smirk slightly. She knew that she had a point. 

   He doesn't say anything as he lowers the ramp and walks out into the hangar, Jesla shaking her head before following him. Lately, she found herself following him a lot. Maybe it was because she always followed somebody her entire life, that she was use to it. You could say she was trained to follow somebody.

   She watches as a bearded man walks up to them. “Mando, is that you under that bucket?” The man questions, offering his hand to the Mandalorian.

   “Ran,” Mando says as he shakes his hand. Jesla could tell that they were just merely acquaintances just by Mando's tone of voice. He seemed to have a different tone when talking to people that he liked more.

   “Didn't really know if I'd ever see you in these parts again. Good to see you. You know, to be honest, I was a little surprised when you reached out to me. You know, ’cause I... I hear things. Like, maybe things between you and the Guild aren't working out,” Ran says, giving Mando a look.

   “I'll be fine,” Din replies shortly. That was Mando for you.

   “Hmm okay. Well, you know the policy. No questions. And you, you're welcome back here anytime,” Ran informs him. He turns to Jesla, giving her a once over. “I don't believe we've met. The name's Ran,” he offers his hand to her.

   Jesla looks at his hand briefly before looking back at him. “Jesla Gavdo,” she offers her name, but doesn't take his hand as she continues to walk across the catwalk.

   Ran drops his hand as he leans over to Din. “Some woman you got there,” he mutters to him. Din hums in response, watching after her.

   “So what's the job?” Din asks as they continue to walk across the catwalk as well.

   “Yeah, one of our associates ran afoul of some competitors and got himself caught. So I'm putting together a crew to spring him. It's a five person job, I got four- the extra help is fine. All I need is the ride, and you brought it,” Ran explains, gesturing to the Razor Crest.

   Mando and Jesla share a quick look with one another. “The ship wasn't part of the deal.”

   “Well, the Crest is the only reason I let you back in here,” Ran admits. Din slowly turns to him. “What's the look? Is that gratitude? Uh-huh, I think it is,” Ran laughs as he walks off. Jesla and Din share another look before following him.

   They all walk into a different area of the hangar. Jesla sees a bald-headed man, her eyes widening as she realizes who he is. This was just her luck.

   “Mayfeld?”

   The man turns around with his brow furrowed, his eyes scanning for who called his name. When his eyes land on Jesla, they widen slightly. Din looks between the two, his confusion hidden behind his helmet.

   “Gavdo? I thought you were dead,” Mayfeld remarks as he walks up to her, crossing his arms.

   “I'm surprised you're not,” Jesla comments, looking him up and down. He still looked the same since the last time she saw him. 

   Back then, Mayfeld and Jesla always seemed to compete with each other. They were the top two sharpshooters in their division. The two always tried to one up each other in the field. So basically, they didn't get along much. 

    “I take it you two already know each other,” Ran says, making Jesla and Mayfeld finally break their eye contact with one another. “This is Mando. The guy I was telling you about. We used to do jobs way back when,” he tells Mayfeld.

   Mayfeld then turns to face Mando. “This is the guy?” He queries, also giving him a once over.

   “Yeah, we were all young, trying to make a name for ourselves. Yeah, but running with a Mandalorian, that was... that brought us some reputation,” Ran reminisces.

   “Oh ya? What did he get out of it?” Mayfeld questions, raising his eyebrows.

   “I asked him that one time. You remember what you said, Mando? Target practice. Man, we did some crazy stuff, didn't we?” Ran laughs, patting Mando on the back.

   “That was a long time ago,” Din replies gruffly. 

   “Well... Well I don't go out anymore. You understand? So uh... Mayfeld, he's gonna run point on this job. If he says it, it's like it's coming from me. You good with that?” Ran asks Mando, quirking up an eyebrow at him.

   Din glances over at Jesla, who scoffs. “You tell me.”

   Ran shakes his head as he laughs. “You haven't changed one bit,” he says amusingly.

   “Ya, well, things have changed around here,” Mayfeld grumbles as he turns and walks away. Jesla rolls her eyes as she goes to stand beside Mando. 

    Mando leans his head closer to Jesla. “So who's he?” He quietly asks her.

   “Migs Mayfeld. He's also a former Imperial sharpshooter. We were in the same division,” Jesla answers as they all walk up to the Razor Crest.

   “Razor Crest? I can't believe that thing can fly. Looks like a Canto Bight slot machine,” Mayfeld comments as he observes it. They walk up to a group of people that's standing near the Crest. “Alright, the good looking fella there with the horns, that's Burg,” Mayfeld introduces the red creature that drops a crate he was carrying. “This may surprise you, but he's our muscle,” he adds.

   Burg walks up to the Mandalorian and inspects him closely, ignoring Jesla's presence. “So this is a Mandalorian. I thought they'd be bigger,” he sneers.

   “Droid's name is Zero,” Mayfeld gestures to a droid that walks up to them. Oh, Mando was going to love that.

   Jesla looks around the group with a furrowed brow. “I thought you said you had four,” she points out.

   “He does.”

   Both the Mandalorian and Jesla turn slowly to find a purple skinned female Twi'lek walking up to them, playing with a knife. “Hello, Mando,” she greets Din.

   “Xi'an,” Din nods in acknowledgement. Jesla could feel Mando tense due to the Twi'lek that seemed to ignore her, much like everyone else did.

   “Tell me why I shouldn't cut you down where you stand?” Xi'an hisses before she suddenly attacks, placing her knife on Mando's throat, who doesn't flinch at all. Jesla's fingers itch towards her blaster as she watches the Twi'leck closely.

   “Nice to see you too,” Mando responds nonchalantly.

   “I missed you,” she laughs. “This is shiny. You wear it well,” she comments as she clinks her knife against his beskar. She looks over towards Jesla, her eyes narrowing on her.

   “Do we need to leave the room or something?” Mayfeld jokes as he watches the exchange between Xi'an and Din.

    Ran chuckles slightly before answering. “Well, Xi'an's been a little heartbroken since Mando left our group,” he says.

   “Awww... You gonna be okay, sweetheart?” Mayfeld teases, Burg laughing from beside him.

   Xi'an pushes herself away from Mando. “I'm all business now. Learned from the best,” she points her knife at him.

   “All right, lovebirds. Break it up till you get on the ship. Right now, we don't have much time,” Ran tells them.

  They all walk toward the Razor Crest, Xi'an turning back and winking at Mando. Jesla decides that she doesn't like her at all. Then again, she didn't like most people.

                                              ∞∞∞

   Jesla's watches Mayfeld as he explains the job to them from beside Mando, shifting her weight to one foot as she listens. Her wound was starting to feel sore from her walking around so much. Maybe she should've listened to Mando, but she was never going to admit that to him.

   “So, package is being moved on a fortified transport ship. Now, we got a limited window to board, find our friend, get ’em outta there before they make their jump,” Mayfeld informs all of them as he shows them a hologram. 

   “That's a New Republic prison ship. Your man wasn't taken by a rival syndicate, he was arrested,” Jesla points out as she shifts her weight to her other foot. She wasn't about to be on the New Republic's radar.

   Mayfeld looks up at her from the hologram. “So what?”

   “That's a max security transport, and we're not looking for that kind of heat,” Mando cuts in, crossing his arms. 

   “Well, neither are we. So just don't mess up,” Ran tells them. Jesla and Din share a brief look, something they seemed to do quite a lot.

   “The good news for you is the ship is manned by droids. Still hate the machines, Mando?” Xi'an jeers at Din, making Jesla shoot her a glare. Who knows, by the end of this, Jesla may kill her like she did with Toro.

  ��They all continue to go over the plan. Jesla knew Mando wasn't thrilled with the droid, Zero, flying his ship. However, they both knew that Zero was the best choice to scramble their signal as they boarded the New Republic ship.

   Jesla didn't like nor trust anyone that they were working with. None of them knew the value of loyalty. They only kept each other alive so the job could be done efficiently. She despised people like that.

   “Some friends you got there,” Jesla says sarcastically to the Mandalorian as they walk up the ramp into the Crest. 

   Din chuckles dryly. “I don't think ‘friends’ is what I'd call them,” he mutters. Jesla nods in agreement as they walk up into the cockpit as the ship takes off.

   In the cockpit, both Jesla and Mando linger in the back as Zero sits at the controls. “Calculations complete. Jumping to hyperspace...now. Feel free to join the others. I will handle it from here,” it informs them. 

   Mando walks down the ladder to the hangar first, helping Jesla as she climbs down after him. He knew that she needed to rest before they got to the prison ship. She wouldn't be at her best if she was in pain. Jesla seemed to also know this as well as she sat down on a crate, taking a deep breath as she ignored the glare she was receiving from Xi'an. 

   “That's a pretty thing you got there, Mando. How'd you end up with it?” Xi'an asks him as she plays with her knife. Jesla ignores her as she lays her head against the wall. 

   When Mando doesn't answer her, she continues. “C'mon. There's gotta be a reason why you keep her around,” she says innocently. 

   “She's good at what she does,” Din answers her, handing Jesla a ration bar. She realizes she hadn't eaten anything all day as she takes a bite out of it. 

   Xi'an eyes their interaction as she sits up a bit straighter. “Oh? I'm sure she pleasures you greatly,” she smirks, making Burg laugh. 

   Neither Din nor Jesla reacts to her, Jesla taking the last bite of her ration bar. She knew Xi'an was trying to get under her skin, but she wasn't going to give her the satisfaction. Jesla found it amusing though.

   Mayfeld chuckles as he stands beside Xi'an. “Hey, if you wanna get to her, just mention Burnin Konn.”

   Jesla's head snaps up at that, Din watching her carefully. He really didn't want to deal with this right now. 

    “What's Burnin Konn?” Burg humors him with a sly smile, Xi'an laughing at Jesla's sudden reaction. 

   “It was a great loss for the Empire. Everyone in our division died, about 5-10,000 people,” Mayfeld replies as he watches Jesla closely. 

   Din watches as Jesla's eyes harden, her hand subconsciously grabbing her tatted wrist. “Watch it, Mayfeld,” she warns him.

   “Don't tell me you're still not over that. Is it because of those stupid clones you were attached to?”

    Abruptly, Jesla stands up and pulls out her blaster as she makes her way to Mayfeld, pointing it at his head. Before she could pull the trigger, Mando swiftly grabs the gun out of her hand. They stare at each other for a few seconds before she shoots Mayfeld a glare and walks away from him.

   Everyone, except for Din and Jesla, starts laughing. Oh, how Jesla couldn't wait until this job was finished so she could kill them all. 

   “Hey, Xi'an, you flew with Mando. Is he as good as they say?” Mayfeld questions the Twi'leck.

   “Ask him about the job on Alzoc III,” Xi'an answers him, turning her attention to the Mandalorian.

   It's Jesla's turn to watch Mando carefully as she turns to face him. “I did what I had to,” he simply responds. That was a phrase Jesla found herself living by.

   “Oh, but you liked it. See, unlike some people, I know who you really are,” Xi'an says, looking at Jesla as she says the last part. Jesla rolls her eyes as she takes her blaster back from Mando and puts it back in its holster.

   “He never takes off the helmet?” Mayfeld queries, crossing his arms over his chest. 

   Xi'an shakes her head with a chuckle. “This is the Way,” she mocks. Jesla wonders how Mando was even capable of putting up with the stupid Twi'leck. She can't even last an hour.

   “You ever seen his face?”

   “A lady... never tells.”

   Din tenses slightly at the new subject, Jesla not missing him doing so. He acted the same way back on Sorgan when her and Cara brought it up.

   “Aw, come on, Mando. We all gotta trust each other here. You gotta show us something. Come on, just lift the helmet up. Come on. Let's all see your eyes,” Mayfeld taunts. When Mando doesn't make a move to take it off, Mayfeld nods at Burg who then closes in on Din.

   As Burg's hand reaches to take off Din's helmet, Jesla grabs it and twists his arm back behind him. Burg tries to fight back, but Jesla kicks him back. Burg grapples for something to hold onto, hitting the release button to the cot, the hatch opening and revealing the Child. 

   “Whoa! What is that?” Mayfeld exclaims, examining the Child closely. “Wait a minute,” he gestures between Mando and Xi'an, “did you two make that? Huh? What is it? Like...a pet or something?”

   “Yeah. Something like that,” Mando says calmly.

   “Didn't take you for the type. Maybe that code of yours has made you soft,” Xi'an teases him.

   “Me, I was never really into pets. Yeah, didn't have the temperament. Patience, you know. I mean, I tried but... never worked out. What I'm thinking... maybe,” Mayfeld picks up the Child, “I'll try again with this little fella. Huh?”

   Mayfeld pretends to drop the Child, making both Din and Jesla flinch in response. Xi'an and Mayfeld laugh at them. Then the ship starts shaking, everyone fighting for balance. The ship rolls and everyone is thrown around in the hangar. Mayfeld drops the Child and Din immediately dives after him. Jesla tightly grabs onto the wall, balancing herself. 

   The Razor Crest finally docks to the transport. Mando places the Child back in the cot as Jesla curses the droid under her breath. Burg angrily tosses some crates around. 

   Once everyone settles, they start executing the plan. The Mandalorian hacks the opening mechanism of the prison ship's hatch. Jesla is the first one to quietly drop down into the halls of ship, everyone else following after her. 

   They all start moving down the corridors, looking into the prison cells. Everything was going well until Burg decided to blast a mouse droid, which alerted security droids of their presence. Luckily, Mando sneaks up behind the droids and takes them out in a melee fight by himself. Jesla had to admit, he had some skills.

   Upon reaching the control room, Mayfeld commands Zero to open the door. When it opens, it reveals a human guard inside, brandishing a blaster. There wasn't supposed to be any living things on board.

   “There were only supposed to be droids on this ship,” Mando voices Jesla's concerns.

   Mayfeld walks around the guard to observe the control panel. “Hang on, hang on. See here uh...cell two-two-one. All right, now for our well dressed friend...” He trails off once the guard pulls out a tracking beacon.

   Everyone draws out their blasters and trains it on the guard, except for Jesla who trains hers on Mayfeld. She wasn't about to kill an innocent man; she didn't do that anymore.

   Din tried his best talking everyone down. He calmly addressed the guard, whose name was Davan. When Mayfeld wouldn't lower his blaster on the guard, Mando joins Jesla on training their blasters on him. Mayfeld trains his second blaster on Din and his third blaster that was on a droid arm on Jesla. Burg takes out his weapon and trains it on Mando as well, making Mando aim his vambrace weapon at him. 

   An argument breaks out between all of them; Mayfeld wanting to kill the guard, Din and Jesla wanting to let him live. It suddenly stops when Davan is struck down by Xi'an's throwing knife. 

   “Would you all just shut up,” Xi'an complains. 

   Suddenly, Xi'an starts coughing as she starts to choke. Everyone starts freaking out as Xi'an grabs onto her throat. Din looks at Jesla, whose cold eyes is staring daggers at Xi'an's choking form. He moves over to her, grabbing her forearm. “Jes, don't. You can kill her later,” he whispers to her. 

   Jesla looks at him, not missing the new nickname, as Xi'an finally gets her breath back. “What the hell was that?!” Xi'an shouts as she rubs her throat. Mayfeld and Burg exchange a look of what could only be described as fear. 

   “We have twenty minutes before backup gets here,” Jesla states, gesturing to the now blinking beacon. “I suggest we move now,” she mutters as she steps over Xi'an and heads towards cell 221. Din doesn't say anything as he starts following her, Xi'an looking after them with a glare.

   They reach cell 221 with fifteen minutes remaining. Mayfeld orders Zero to open the cell door. Once it opens, it reveals another Twi'leck. 

   “Qin,” Mando mumbles to himself. 

   “Funny. The man who left me behind is now my savour. Mando,” Qin greets as he walks out his cell, side-eyeing Jesla.

   Then, Burg punches Mando in the gut, catching him off guard, and throws him into the cell. Before Jesla could react, Xi'an roughly pushes her into the cell as well, which is locked before either Din or Jesla can get up. Mando fires his blaster at the door, but the shot just ricochets around the cell, Jesla ducking so it wouldn’t accidentally hit her.

   Jesla bangs the door in frustration, the group outside laughing as they walk away. “You've got to be kriffing kidding me!” She shouts in anger. “I can't catch a kriffing break! You should have just let me kill her. No, you should've listened to me when I said I had a bad feeling about this job!”

   Mando grabs Jesla's biceps roughly, making her look into his helmet's visor. “Hey! If you don't get a level head, we're not going to get out of here,” he tells her, his voice like stone. Jesla stays quiet for a couple moments before taking a deep breath. He was right.

   She looks back out the cell, seeing a security droid pass by. “I have a plan.”

                                              ∞∞∞

   Jesla and Mando end up getting out of the cell, and one by one put the others in it. Jesla got the satisfaction of being the one that locked Xi'an up. She salutes to Mayfeld as her and Mando walk off to find Qin. The two find him trying to climb up the ladder into the ship. They decide to keep him alive at the promise of more money. Jesla thought they definitely deserved it after all this mess. 

   They make their way into the ship, finding Zero pointing its rifle at the Child. Mando immediately shoots it and Zero falls to the ground. The Child coos when he sees the Mandalorian and Jesla.

   Later, Din lands the Razor Crest in Ran's hangar bay. Jesla and Din walk Qin down the ramp, Ran meeting Qin in an embrace. 

   Ran looks around them, noticing no one else exiting the Crest. “Where are the others?” Ran asks, furrowing his brow.

   “No questions asked. That's the policy, right?” Mando nonchalantly replies.

   Ran nods, eyeing both him and Jesla. “Yeah. That is the policy.”

   “We did the job.”

   “Yeah, you did.”

   Ran reluctantly tosses the Mandalorian a coin purse. “Just like the good old days,” Din says before turning to reenter the Razor Crest. Jesla winks at Ran and Qin before she follows Mando inside.

   As they start to fly away from the space station, three X-wings drop out of hyperspace. Jesla watches as they fly pass them, heading towards the station and opening fire on it.

   “You planted the tracking beacon on Qin... I'm impressed,” Jesla comments as she turns to face Mando, gently hitting his shoulder. She watches as he unscrews a knob from the lever and drops it into the Child's hands.

   Din glances over at her, getting ready to jump into hyperspace. “I told you that was a bad idea.”

××××××

@living-that-best-life

Tags are open!

[levs-mindspace]

Chapter two!!!

Paranoia available on Wattpad now!!

That night has been stuck in my head ever since. I slept the night in the store straight into the opening of the next day after I was too scared to go home.

Yes, this story was strange to someone from the outside, but for a witch in New York? It was a death sentence. Think of this: Teen Found dead with Crosses covering her body after she posts runes reading ad online. Even: 19y/o crucified while burnt with own sage in central park.

Living as a witch lately has been more dangerous than ever. These people never knew what was coming since they were some of the first victims, but there have been over 10 killings in the past six months from what the police think is the same man. They have close to no leads to who it is, but I would pay actual money to say it was the man that came here last night.

Who knows maybe he even is a witch come to exterminate the rest of us and his bad tarot skills were just him playing dumb. He sure as hell knew what card to pull out to make me paranoid about him, that's for sure. After some thinking, I left a complaint with the police about a man in my shop. Hopefully, they can find this guy before he finds me again.

I slowly made my way out of the back of the store and into the actual shop portion. I sell everything from deity sculptures, to blank notebooks, to runes and more. If you need anything spiritual, you will find it at The Inner Light.

When I approach the door to turn on the open sign, I notice someone out front. Actually, they are leaned across the bench, almost waiting it seems. After last night, I wasn't taking any chances with strange visitors. I took one of the heavy glass wands off the shelf and armed myself with it before I checked who it was. I slowly reach the handle and open the door... just to find Sarah, my employee, laying outside, presumably waiting for the shop to open so her shift will start.

As quick as I can, I wake her up, bring her in from the cold, wrap her in a blanket, and sit her down in the back. She is in no shape to work right this minute. Especially since it was my anxiety over this man that caused me to oversleep here and forget to open anyways.

"So," Sarah started off with," you haven't been late opening in months, what caused you to now?" I recanted everything of the last night's events to her in extreme detail, yet I left out which card it was and just told her I forgot to check.

As if just to prove my earlier point Sarah muttered, while trying to warm herself even more with the blanket, "It would be kinda scary if he actually pulled the death card out wouldn't it?" So I felt the need to correct her.

"No actually, most of the time the death card actually stands for breaking off old habits and relationships. It's mostly good, but of course, it depends on the circumstances, like always,"

"Oh. well whatever he pulled, I don't even care if its the seven of hearts..."

"Sarah that's not a tarot card"

" I DON'T CARE, whatever he pulled, you deserve a day off from what that man put you through. You go home and I can handle the store today, look!" she said while pulling off her blanket, "I'm not even cold anymore."

Sarah was a nice girl and all, but was she truly capable of handling the store? I mean I live just upstairs anyway. I practically am home.

"I don't know, what if he comes back?" I questioned. if he came back, especially with a knife again, she would be defenseless. She is only new to our coven as well, she knows close to no defensive spells.

"I may not be as magically inclined as you, but I'm a big 6'1 woman, I think I can handle a little man," she joked and laughed. "Seriously though, I'll be fine."

"I'm really trusting you with this one, and thank you," I told her. It will be a relief at least. Hopefully, that relief will overtake my anxiety.

Eh, hope is overrated anyway.

-

After packing up from the shop, I decided to do a little 'window shopping.' There are multiple mystic shops in New York, but I've always dreamed of being the one that people would go to first. Right now people only come to me for my fortune telling, not the shop itself. So everyone and a while I go to some different shops, posing as a customer, and see what they have that I don't. It's close to always effective.

I decided that my first shop of the day would be Lucky Lucy's. She specializes in crystals, which I do not. I love studying them and have a few of my own, just I don't sell as much of them.

As I walk in, the strong smell of sage hits my nose right away. I thought I burned strong stuff, I was wrong, so wrong.

The walls were lined with every crystal imaginable: Amethyst, citrine, bismuth. Heck, she even had refrigerated gallium at one point, and that's not even a rock.

I had to say, it was impressive. But no matter how good it was, I wouldn't be able to take any tips from it since I don't sell crystals, so I bought some obsidian for my personal collection and left.

I began walking down the street when I had the sinking feeling I was being followed. Luckily from being a woman in New York, I had previous experience with this feeling so I pulled out my safe button. Basically, if I lift my finger off the button it notifies police and ambulances.

I tried to take a longer route, hoping to lead whoever was following me off track. Yet the feeling stayed with me.

I couldn't sense this person's aura though, which threw me off, was I imagining that there was someone?

CRASH

I jumped so hard I slammed my head into the side of the brick wall next to me.

After I fell, I believe I blacked out for a second, because I felt a small tongue licking my face when I came to. It turns out I was being followed by a small black cat. This would explain why I couldn't sense an aura as well; I was never good at telling Animals.

I know it is stereotypical for a witch to find a black cat, but I feel connected to it somehow. Maybe I finally got myself a familiar? But who knows. It's random chance to actually get a familiar that wasn't passed down through your family. Ever since the Satin Puikus Ragana scandals, familiars have been in hiding, maybe it's far time for them to come out.

The puikus Ragana is the highest form of witch possible, but you only become one after you are chosen by the gods. It's said that they have to bathe in the moon, which causes them to shimmer blue in their hair and eyes. After they bathe, they become immortal and fit to raise a coven. In the '70s though, the gods chose a man who was crazed, Satin Browning. He led up a coven that tried to overtake communities and killed all that did not join him. It was a mess within the witch community. Satin disguised himself as a familiar to gain entry into the covens. He listened to learn their secrets and then killed them. Afterward, most people abandoned or cursed their familiars.

This cat though, I assume is just a stray. Anyways, it deserves a good home, it looks starving. Its ribs are almost popping out of its skin at this point. I pick it up and surprisingly, it lets me. It meows at me softly and purrs the entire way back to my shop. Maybe if I keep her in there, her owner will find her? It's a shot in the dark but if it works?

As I approach my shop, she jumps out of my arms, and for a second I thought she was gone forever. Gone to see her owner somewhere. But she sat at the door waiting for me, Almost as if she knew that's where I was already going.

Maybe I have a familiar after all...

[asbigastheskybook]

The one where Tak and Emory go to a party in their kigurimi

Spring break had come and gone and on a foggy night in early April, the Shark and the Hedgehog sauntered up the dark streets of Berkeley, walking from Shattuck BART to Haste, up to College Avenue. They held hands as they walked in shadows, enjoying the quiet spring night once they were above Telegraph. They were headed to a place near the Julia Morgan building for a party put on by the Pan-Asian student union. It was to be an Animal Onesie themed party to raise money for a member of the union who was battling leukemia while trying to finish her masters degree. They wore the onesies Emory’s aspiring fashion designer little sister had sewn them. Emory hadn't wanted to go at all but Tak pointed out that nearly everyone there was going to be an Asian nerd which made Emory feel a little less out of place than he did at other college parties full of red cup woo-bros.

Neither of them wanted to be sober, and neither of them wanted to try to find parking in Elmwood, and neither of them wanted to shell out for a driver so they walked, choosing to wear the onesies instead of carrying a backpack and trying to keep track of it all night. They had just reached College Avenue and were nearly there when some asshole in a yellow hummer screeched to a stop where they were crossing the street, revved his engine, rolled down the window and screamed,

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY YOU FUCKIN CHING CHONG FAGGOTS!” And as soon as their toes touched the sidewalk on the other side of the intersection he peeled out, fishtailing over the narrow suburban streets.

“Jesus what the fuck?” Tak glared at the tail lights.

“Well he does drive a hummer.” Emory shrugged and looked at his shoes.

“I hope he chokes on a bag of sweaty dicks,” Tak grumbled.

“Hey,” Emory stopped and looked at Tak “Don't let that shitbag ruin your night. He means nothing.”

“I am trying not to. I was a little scared, Em. I forget that not everyone, even in Berkeley, is cool with gay dudes or Asians. Or gay Asians.” Tak kicked at some leaves on the sidewalk.

“Gaysians,” Emory corrected.

Tak laughed so hard he snorted. “Emory, I don't know what I would do without your smart ass.” He draped his long shark fins over the stout hedgehog.”We’re almost there, lets get baked.” He brought out his vape. Tak had brought an Indica, super stupid and stoney, not meant for anyone who had anything important to do today or probably tomorrow either. The plan was to get as high as possible in order to tolerate the crowds of other Asian students in fuzzy animal suits dancing to K-Pop. Tak had originally planned not to go, despite being regularly involved with the organization, but then someone had made a comment about him not really being that Asian and he wasn't about to take any shit from some third gen kid who didnt even speak his own language fluently when Tak, despite mostly appearing black, spoke nearly fluent Japanese.

They strolled another block to the party, several animals outside chatting over loud music emanating from inside. There was a gaggle of Japanese girls in matching unicorn onesies, a kangaroo, a corgi, a giraffe, two Pikachus, and a Totoro.

“I didn't know we could wear character onesies.” Tak pouted.

“Yeah that's bullshit, they said animals. I wanted to be Cthulhu.” Emory scowled, but not seriously. The Indica was taking over, and shuffling into the building was taking concentration. They shouldered their way inside and headed straight to the makeshift bar where they got juices, Ramune for Tak and grass jelly for Emory. Nearby tables held all sorts of snacks from the Asian market. There was dried squid, onigiri, rice crackers, wasabi peas, dumplings, etc. Not even the worse case of the munchies could convince Emory to eat party food that other people had touched and then put their hands to their mouths, and then back to the bowl. Gross.

The plan was to make a loop to say hello, then make another loop to say goodbye and then get the fuck out. Tak knew most people here and Emory knew a fair bit as well, but this was the first time they had gone to a college party as a couple and Emory gave no fucks what people thought, but he could tell Tak wasn't completely there yet, and considering the incident with the hummer bro, he tread carefully.

So it was a bit of a jolt when Emory introduced Tak to two vietnamese guys, Tu (Husky dog) and Rithi (racoon), as his boyfriend. Tak froze up when Tu offered out a fist to bump, and Emory caught a glimpse of Tak’s hesitation. He wasn't sure how he felt about it, but he was a little indignant. He tried to remember that Tak and he were both super high and not to trip out and what-if the hell out of a little hesitation for a handshake. It wasn't until after they had finished chatting with Tu and Rithi and Tak still wouldn't meet his eyes that he started to get pissed.

Emory spotted a back hallway leading to a door and without a word grabbed Tak’s fin in his paw and dragged him to it. He lugged the shark into the hall, glowering, before opening the door and yanking Tak inside.

It was not a back door to the outside as Emory had hoped, it was a closet. There was a mop and bucket, some big box size packages of toilet paper and paper towels, and other relevant miscellany. A bare bulb glowed from the ceiling. Emory, flustered at this development, quickly reached to lock the door behind them.

“Tak, what the fuck. I can't tell people you're my boyfriend here?” Emory asked, hurt and accusatory.

“I'm sorry I did that. I really am. I don't know why I did that.” Tak said, clearly grappling with being just a little too high for the conversation.

“If you don't want to be out at a party, you have to tell me before we get there. I don’t have a problem keeping it under wraps, especially if you don't feel safe, but you have to let me know, Tak,” Emory breathed hard through his nose when he finished speaking.

“ I do. I did. I do.” Tak stammered. It was unlike him to drop his eyes and struggle. “I,.. Emory, that was the first time anyone ever called me a faggot. I'm not joking when I say that Hummer dude scared me. I don't want to get beat up and murdered just for being in love with you. I started spacing out on the walk over here thinking about what I would do if someone tried to fuck with us. I thought about what I’d do if someone hurt you. I started just spiraling into worst case scenarios and thinking about how I take our safety for granted here. I was buggin’ out and I shut down. I'm a little too high, Im sorry,” he heaved a heavy sigh.

“For being in love with you” played on a loop in Emory’s mind as his eyes traced over Tak’s countenance, his slumped shoulders, tucked chin, arms hanging at his sides. He’d never get used to the way those words made him feel.

“UGH I can't be mad. There isn't anything to be mad about. I just want you to tell me if you don't feel safe or it there is something you need from me before we go places. I don't want to push you to be out everywhere we go but you do need to give me the heads up. I feel like an asshole for assuming without asking if we were out here,” Emory folded his arms across his chest but his eyes were soft.”I cant fight with you while you’re wearing a shark suit.”

“I want to be out here. There’s no reason to hide here. We aren’t even the only queers here. I want to show you off to people and make them hella jealous...I think being super stoned just made me paranoid. One toke over the line, man,” Tak shrugged.

Emory covered his mouth and his shoulders shook.

“What?” Tak crowded his eyebrows together.

Emory started to laugh behind his hand. “Its just that Im locked in closet with a giant in a shark suit, having a serious conversation about my relationship while Im dressed as a hedgehog, and Im super high.” He started to laugh harder, “You can’t make this shit up.”

Tak took a moment to view the situation from outside himself and yes, it was very, very hilarious. He began to giggle, then laugh, then gasp between bouts of belly laughs.

Emory watched Tak laughing and felt all warm and gooey in his chest. He want to kiss him, right now. He stepped closer, grabbing a fistful of shark suit in each hand and yanked Tak close. Tak’s laugh stopped but his smile went on for eons. Emory had the look. That look. Tak knew that he was going to do anything Emory asked when he saw that look. He leaned in to kiss Emory, one hand keeping his balance, which was intermittent right now, on a shelf. The other hand slipped into Emory’s hedgehog hood, and held the back of his neck. He could feel the heat coming off of Emory through their fuzzy suits as he pressed his body into Emory. Emory was avoiding his kiss, teasing him, making Tak chase his lips, snapping his teeth at him and smirking.

“Give me that!” Tak growled, pulling on Emory’s neck harder until his lips crashed into Emory’s. He felt Emory’s smirk fade under his own lips and his posture softened as he kissed Tak back with sensual and deep open mouth kisses, making Tak want to pitch himself into the abyss of Emory’s touch. After many moments, as kisses turned into lips on necks and ears and throats, Emory whispered into Tak’s ear,

“I really can’t wait to get you alone.”

Tak grinned. Emory knew all the buttons to push and Tak wondered how soon they could ditch this party. Tak’s hands wandered into his hood and into his hair. Emory could play cool, but not when Tak played with his hair, that was when he lost all thought being stealthy or tame. Emory’s eyes simmered and he flashed a grin before claiming Tak’s mouth again. Tak rested one long hand on Emory’s shoulder, the other in his hair, tugging close to the scalp, eliciting a rumble from Emory’s throat.

“More.” Emory demanded, digging his thumbs into Tak’s hip bones in an almost painful and insistent way. Tak pulled harder at his hair and Emory bit down viciously at his neck. Tak moaned and his head tipped back, making a loud noise when it landed on the shelf behind him. He heard someone tapping on the door, jiggling the handle. He didn't care.

“Fuck off!” he managed to shout to whomever was on the other side. The knocking stopped. “Goddamn Emory your mouth is going to kill me,” Tak murmured. Emory nipped again and pulled back to see the mark he had left on Tak’s neck, which was not discrete or small. He laughed louder than he expected to and jumped when another banging knock came from the door.

[strawberry-milktea]

9-18-17 pt1: Hi. I'm feeling really empty right now. I came to my faith at 11 and I grew up in church rather than in a relationship with God. I remember just jumping into this whole life style of trying to do "the basics" (church, bible, praying,) without realizing I didn't even know the "basics" about the basics if that makes sense. I definitely didn't know what I didn't know and struggled for so long as a result of thinking I knew everything I needed to. I thought faith was like superpowers...

9-18-17 pt: I thought a relationship was instant when you do in fact have to pursue that with God. I thought all the spiritual maturity, depth, strength and intimacy was instant too. I didn’t realize it’s the *opportunity* to start and build a relationship that’s instant. It’s the *potential* to grow and become spiritually mature that’s instant. I have struggled so much to take my faith into my own hands and learn for myself what my parents or church didn’t teach me. I’m grateful but this is…            9-18-17 pt3: this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. The holy spirit still kinda scares me. I grew up seeing people fall out involuntarily because of Him. When I got saved and baptized, both times I was terrified because I thought I was gonna fall out too. I STILL don’t really understand what God sounds like and it kills me. Because I hate doubt and long to be obedient and recognize His voice. No joke, I always want to think he sounds like Mufasa from the Lion king. LOL But..      9-18-17 pt4: I honestly am so confused about the spiritual nature of God. I was prophesied to awhile back and was told to lie prostrate. God told me to visualize laying before Him and he would take me to his throne room where I would taste & see that he was real. Everything in my mind was so hazy and I worried I was making it all up, recalling what others said God/His throne rm looked like. I never really saw much of anything & I’m so scared. I have no idea what went wrong that it didn’t work…     9-18-17 pt5: I honestly came on here to talk abt something totally different but ended up pouring out something else entirely. What I wanted to ask about was how to feel when believers are either living their lives unshaken by fear over the world nearly ending, or they’re so aware that they’re frantic that others aren’t frantic too. I’ve seen too many rapture debates & endtime prophesies. I just turned 23 on 9/15 & feel like I don’t even have time to get my godly life together before time is out     9-18-17 pt6: I honestly feel really nervous.  Between the sept 21st stuff with the feast of trumpets for united nations, the predictions for sept 23 with the constellations, Christians debating if the rapture is even biblical, if the mark of the beast is here or not, if its an rfid chip or not…I don’t know how to sleep at night. I took down my little collage of how I thought my life would go, trying to literally surrender to the fact that I don’t know God’s plan for me and I’m cool with that.      9-18-17 pt7: I’m still learning how to do this. I’ve been planning to go back into college in January and I’m applying to Christian colleges and looking at faith focused majors so I can be sure that I’ll  learn how to be more active for God. I’m doing everything on my own now and I’m still struggling fighting distractions and relying on discipline because I am really shy and feel like I’ve done nothing for God’s kingdom, which is embarrassing considering I have been a believer since I was a kid.    9-18-17 pt8/8: I know this was a lot, please forgive me but i am seriously freaking out. I’ve been crying & feeling hopeless over this. I’m just trying to do the right things. Get right with God. I want Him all over my life. I deleted all of my kpop & worldly music today. My flesh was screaming. I don’t know what to want anymore. God just blessed me w/ a new job & turning another year older. I still want things like marriage & a family. Still pure til marriage. Yet I’m so paranoid abt my future?  —Hi there,I want to apologize for such a late response, since you sent this so long ago.. I hope that you still follow/check back and happen to see this response.It’s definitely not uncommon to experience what you are describing about being raised in Christianity but coming to realize there is more to having a relationship with Him than simply being raised a Christian. Speaking personally, I was raised a Catholic from infancy - I made all the sacraments, went to Sunday school, and attended mass with my mom frequently. But in reality, I was just going with the motions. Once I was born again, I realized I had been spiritually dead as a Catholic. As a Catholic, I didn’t read the Bible and sinned in various ways without a second thought. I blindly followed Catholic doctrine that isn’t in agreement with Biblical scripture and I didn’t know any better because I didn’t read the Bible. Once I was born again and truly started my relationship with Christ, I left Catholicism, started studying the Word, and found a church that accurately follows what the Bible teaches. Our circumstances aren’t identical, but they are similar in the sense that we both came to a point of realizing our faith in Him is more than being raised a Christian and that the vital basics of faith/a relationship with Christ are overlooked when one mistakenly thinks being raised with the Christian label is what it means to be a Christian. But this realization isn’t something to fear. Rather, it is something to be thankful for! What I’m seeing here is you realizing that having a relationship with Christ and developing spiritual maturity is something that of course requires His intervention/drawing of us, but also requires our dedication and refusing to give up, even when we find ourselves in rough patches in life. The reason you are able to realize this is because He is helping you to realize and has opened your eyes. And this is great news!You are going to heap a substantial amount of stress on yourself if you believe that you are solely responsible for your spiritual growth. It’s great that you are taking responsibility and trying to learn things that your parents/your church didn’t teach you. And like I mentioned above, it’s definitely true that we won’t grow if we sit stagnant and don’t make effort to know Him better (e.g.: we won’t be able to learn the Word and therefore learn about Who He is if we don’t make the active effort to read it). But at the same time, please always realize you aren’t alone in this. The Lord is with you and He is responsible for our sanctification and our learning/understanding of the Word: “However, as it is written: ‘What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived’—the things God has prepared for those who love him—these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words. The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit.” - 1 Corinthians 2:9-14“But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” - John 14:26When you realize that you aren’t in this alone and trust that He will guide/teach/strengthen your faith if you rely on Him, it takes a lot of the burden off of yourself.There is absolutely no reason to fear the Holy Spirit! I have heard of people saying they fall down/collapse in the presence of the Holy Spirit like you have described. However, not everyone experiences the Holy Spirit in this way. Personally speaking, that hasn’t happened to me but I do know what it is to experience His presence. And I think the best way to describe it is how the Word puts it - a peace that surpasses all understanding. The first time I experienced the Holy Spirit was during an extremely painful and frightening time in my life. It was also when I was being drawn to a true faith in and relationship with Christ/when I was newly born again. In the midst of that turmoil, I experienced an overwhelming sense of peace that made no “logical” sense. I had no reason to feel peace given the circumstances. I just felt at peace and had a general sense of “everything is going to be okay”. I didn’t understand what it was until I talked to a more mature Christian who pointed me to scripture that explained this. The point I want to drive home is, the Holy Spirit is not Someone to be fearful of. He is our Helper (also referred to as Comforter or Advocate, depending on the translation) Who brings us peace and provides us with the conviction we need to correct our behavior when we sin. Don’t allow the thought of collapsing in His presence cause you to fear or shy away from Him. That may not even be how you experience Him and say if it were, it wouldn’t be a frightening experience if it’s His presence you are experiencing.Regarding hearing God’s voice, it’s not always experienced as hearing a literal voice. I explained my experience with this in bit more detail in these asks if you want to take a look.Regarding what you mentioned about visions of the throne room, I have heard accounts of this and while I am wary/don’t automatically believe every claim of this, I don’t dismiss the idea that the Lord could allow visits to heaven/the throne room if it is His will and He has a purpose for it. But you don’t need to have one of these experiences to taste and see that He is real. I’m kind of getting the impression from your words that you feel something is wrong if you didn’t have this experience. Faith in Him and developing a relationship with Him allows us to taste and see He is real. We should never base our belief in Him on having a vision to prove it to us.. so please don’t let yourself fall into that incorrect mindset. You don’t need a vision of the throne room to have deep faith in Christ. When it comes to the end times stuff, my advice is to not allow yourself to get wrapped up in it - meaning don’t become obsessed or fixated on it. Many Christians have an unhealthy fixation on end times to the point that they ignore what scripture tells us about it (e.g.: setting dates when scripture tells we will not know the day or hour) and living in a state of panic. Instead of focusing on the amount of time left and what day it could be, what we should do is be aware of the signs taking place in this world that point to His return and be spiritually ready as if His return could be at any given moment (like Jesus instructed us to do using The Parable of the Ten Virgins). I have an end times tag that you may be interested in looking at. I also highly recommend listening to Pastor J.D. Farag if you want accurate, Bible based commentary on end times (he does weekly prophecy updates).When we fix our eyes on Christ, focus on strengthening our relationship with Him, and have our goal be for Him to sanctify us so that we become more and more like Him, there will be no reason to fear His return. Whether it’s His return or the moment of our last breath, we have no way of knowing precisely when either of those will be or which one will come first for any of us. There is no good that comes from living in a state of panic about either. If the panic comes from fearing you aren’t right with Him, then that’s when you use the time you have in the present to make yourself right with Him.. and from what you are saying, it sounds like you are taking these steps. So keep doing that! Keep desiring Him to be all over your life and to convict/guide you to remove things that don’t belong in your life. Don’t feel embarrassed over wishing you had done more work for Him at this point. I was far from a kid when I was born again. Rather, I was an adult woman. And before that point, I wasn’t doing work for His kingdom because I didn’t know Him.. has that stopped Him from using me once my eyes were opened? No! He made a way for me to do work in various ways, including this blog. I’m a shy/reserved type of person, too. But when He is guiding you to do the work, He will allow you to do work in ways that suit your personality (for me, He has allowed me to work through social media) and He will bring you into situations that force you to break out of your comfort zone and simultaneously grow spiritually while helping others (which He has also done for me). When He gives you the words and guidance, He fills you with courage to accomplish things you normally would feel are impossible for your personality type. It will happen, just trust Him and don’t give up!Regarding the future, I understand all too well the desire to want to control the way your future unfolds or to at least have some idea of what it will be like. But part of faith includes laying our future in His hands and trusting Him to unfold it according to His will, according to His timing. It’s much easier not to be paranoid and frightened when we do this. And this is something I am still learning to get stronger at myself.I hope you found this helpful and once again I apologize for taking so long to respond to this.. I hope you see this and if you have any other questions or want to continue discussing this, please let me know!