#or if you’re trying to correct someone in your community for something they’ve done that hurts others

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

Hi I would like to talk about something as a Catholic

A lot of times, I see posts on here talking about purity culture, and how a lot of purity culture comes from Evangelical Christianity. I see a good few posts about the presence of purity culture in Catholic circles, and how ex-Catholics (specifically Catholic, although this is also true of other Christian denominations) still struggle with the effects of purity culture years or decades after they’ve left. And I see a lot of response posts, talking about how purity culture isn’t theologically correct from a Catholic standpoint, and how no true Catholic would actually believe in purity culture, and clearly the problem was that their parents and/or church were uniquely bad at teaching theology.

I would like to (cautiously) posit that purity culture has not, in fact, been avoided by the Catholic Church at large, at least here in America.

Rant under the cut

Yes, if you’re only directly looking at the Catechism and the Bible, you know that God always extends us mercy and forgiveness. You know that the Sacrament of Confession is a direct testament against purity culture; that no matter what, your sins will be forgiven entirely, that God puts them out of His mind as though they never happened. You know that God delights in you, that God loves you wholly and completely and entirely. But the Catholic Church does not exist in a vacuum; if we’re going to have a cogent discussion about purity culture in the Catholic Church, we are going to have to acknowledge that the people within a religious community are going to have a large influence on the theological beliefs of that community, even if those beliefs go unsaid, even if they contradict the Bible and the Catechism. And when it comes to Catholic communities? Catholic churches? Catholic social media groups? Purity culture very much exists there.

How? What do I mean when I say purity culture exists in these communities?

Purity culture, as a quick definition, is the idea that we cannot be redeemed from the sins of our past, and so we must only accept those medias and individuals who have been morally pure and just from the beginning to the present. It is a rejection of anything and anyone that does not morally and completely align with the standards set by the group it is contained in, and a conditional acceptance only of that which is deemed pure and good. In other words, to be loved and liked, one must always be pure and perfect.

So when I hear fellow Catholics saying “well, yeah, he had a great sermon, but his brother is… gay”, or “well, they can’t be a real Catholic; they’re a Muslim convert” or “Sure, you go to Confession, but that’s really just a bandaid because you haven’t stopped your ingrained habitual sins”, I am hearing the evidence of purity culture. When otherwise loving Catholics say “the death penalty is necessary, because prison is full of bad people who’ve committed heinous crimes, and they deserve to be punished and die”, or “the Pope said something that I personally disagree with, or got rid of TLM, so he isn’t really the Pope”, they are participating in purity culture. These statements do not align with our theological beliefs, and they represent a deeper sin; being unwilling to accept something as having theological value, or accepting a person as having inherent worth and dignity, unless they meet our perfect standards. That is purity culture.

(Does the sign of the cross as I realize I’ve swung bats at many hornets nests)

“But Liza”, you might say, “those people are just bad Catholics”. And maybe so! Every single one of these people are fundamentally misunderstanding what Catholic teachings say about forgiveness and love. But the fact remains that purity culture is present and alive in many Catholic communities, across different locations and platforms, in multiple contexts, for both groups and individual beliefs. That doesn’t read to me as everyone being badly taught by their parents or “just a bad Catholic”. That reads to me like an endemic problem.

I think the worn joke about Catholic guilt betrays something insidious; we have taken our personal scrupulosity and called it a conscience. We have taken our hatred of sin and thrown it in sinner’s faces and called it loving correction. If we look at a callout post about someone’s past and think “this will fix the problem because now the person will see how bad and evil they are”, we are falling into this trap. I have fallen into this trap time and time again, and I am sick of letting myself do it, and I am sick of seeing it happen around me.

It is not normal to be afraid, constantly, that you will be “found out” for being an imposter of a Catholic. It is not healthy to show up to Confession primarily because you are afraid of dying sinful. It is not spiritually good for you to feel shame and disgust towards yourself because you have sinned.

Let me repeat: it is not normal to find yourself or other people shameful, embarrassing, disgusting, or less of a Catholic because you, or they, have sinned. As my priest has told me time and again in Confession, shame keeps you silent, and it keeps you from seeking forgiveness. Shame is not of God. God delights in you, even when you are sinning, and He is overjoyed every time you show up in Mass. Even if you can’t receive the Eucharist, even if you don’t participate in the Mass, even if you are there in the skimpiest clothing known to man and a phone that keeps dinging, God is delighted to have you there. Should one be wearing a bikini to Mass, or leaving their phone on, or sitting there ignoring the Mass? No. But God is still delighted to know you and love you and have you there. Do not mistake the shame you might feel in your gut about your sins as holy reproach, or your conscience protecting you.

Yes, we should absolutely call people to reform their behavior when they sin, but by golly, shaming them into holiness does less than nothing. If a person you did not know angrily told you how bad and sinful you were, then displayed everything bad you’d done and shared it to everyone they knew, would you listen to that person? Anger makes us dig in our heels and entrench our own convictions, especially anger at a common enemy. In dredging up everything someone we dislike has done before, with no relevance to their actions today, we are not calling them to justice, we are shaming them to make a point. That is not justice, that is not love, that is not Christlike. That is scrupulosity reflected outward. That is taking the scrutiny and vitriol that eats one alive from the inside and holding that lens up to our fellow man until it eats them. We have taken disgust and anxiety and hated and called it love, because by critiquing the past actions and situations of those around us, we are showing others “I know what’s moral, I know what’s right, and you’re not up to snuff”. It makes us look like we care deeply about our faith, like we’re deeply aware of sin and how it affects the world. But it is not love, and so it is like a clanging gong or crashing cymbal. And it will not earn us any grace.

So yes. I think the Catholic Church I have grown up in and remain in has an issue with purity culture. It’s why I’ve had to spend years trying to unravel my own scrupulosity, because I grew up thinking I had a strict conscience. It’s why I skipped Mass and confession for many months, convinced God hated me and that I would just disgust him if I showed up. And my dad went to seminary! I went to Catholic school for multiple years! I went to VBS every year, helped my dad run events for the religious education program, even sat through RCIA classes for teenagers that my dad was helping with. My education in theology was far more thorough than the average American Catholic, and I still wound up anxious and terrified and willing to tear people down if I thought they didn’t measure up, because that’s the behavior that was modeled in my community. It’s why it took me years to acknowledge that I wasn’t straight, because I was caught up in critiquing queer people for not trying hard enough. It’s why I flagrantly burned out in high school, because I treated my disability symptoms like signs of personal sinfulness until junior year. That’s not a strict conscience. That’s scrupulosity. That’s purity culture.

And no this is not about covering up abuse. Just so we’re clear. We should absolutely call out signs of abuse that happened in the past, especially because those cycles of abuse will continue unchecked if we don’t. Don’t clown in my notes saying I want priests to remain in charge of churches after abusing people or being complicit in that abuse, that’s not even close to the same thing.

[rpmemesbyarat]

A Less Obvious Toxic RPer: The Overaplogizer

I see a lot of RP resource blogs that talk about toxic RP partners in the cases of people who are overtly controlling, aggressive, demanding, and/or cruel, but rarely if ever do I see posts about a different sort of toxicity: The over-apologizer. These RPers don’t get defensive or aggressive, they get so submissive and self-hating and apologetic over the SLIGHTEST criticism or even suggestion. It’s not a problem of “not saying sorry” it’s a problem of TOO MUCH sorry. Here are some examples: Sally: “Hey there, I know we planned for our muses to end up together eventually, but some of your recent asks seem to suggest they’re already a close  couple. I was hoping for a longer slow-burn sort of thing, moving in too fast will definitely scare my muse off. Could we dial it back a bit?” Bill: “I’m so sorry, I completely fucked up! Please don’t hate me ! I should never have started RPing! Let’s just drop the whole thing I’m sorry I wasted your time!” Sally: “Hey, so in your last reply, you had a whole bunch of spiders come out of the walls. I probably should have mentioned this before, but spiders are kind of a trigger of mine. Could we change that to something else?” Bill: “OMG I’m so sorry I’m such an asshole! I should delete my blog, I’m so terrible at this! This is why nobody likes me!” Sally: “Hey, I really love our threads, but our last three have all focused on my muse saving and comforting yours, and the new plot you just suggested seems the same. I like writing with you, but I was wondering if this time around, your muse could help mine instead?” Bill: “I hate myself, I’m such a selfish prick. I push everyone off, why did I think this would be different?” Sally: “I love talking to you OOC, but could you stop messaging me about New Show? I’m just not really interested in that.” Bill: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to annoy you, I’ll just shut up now. I’m sorry I’m such a loser.” So, why is this bad? Well, for one thing, insulting yourself isn’t what someone’s aim is when they ask you to change something or cease a behavior. It makes the Sally in this situation feel bad, like they’ve just bullied you, when all they’ve done is politely communicate a reasonable request. It changes the topic of the conversation from Sally communicating a need about RP, to Sally having to personally reassure Bill that she doesn’t hate him, he isn’t a terrible RPer, etc. This is really, really uncomfortable for the Sally, and usually, in my experience as a Sally, ends up taking a lot of time and emotional labor all focused on Sally comforting Bill and apologizing a lot herself simply for speaking up about something bothering her. All of this combines to making Sally more and more unlikely to voice any further concerns or requests to Bill, because she doesn’t want to go through this again and again. Which means Sally either suffers through threads that bother her in some way and aren’t fun for her. . .or she gets tired of that and just ghosts. This sucks for both Sally and Bill. Now, I don’t think most people are trying to be deliberately manipulative when they act like Bill. Some certainly are and I hate them, but it can also be that they’re genuinely extremely insecure, anxious people who think they have to over-correct due to either mental issues, trauma/abuse in the past, or both. So I genuinely try to be patient and kind, but I won’t lie, it is still manipulative and it gets my hackles up. It leaves me conflicted between wanting to comfort the person and reassure them, and at the same time being pissed at them. It’s definitely a frustrating experience. And honestly? I still don’t actually know how to handle this when I’m in the Sally position. So I tried to do the next best thing, and write this for the Bills out there, who might not REALIZE this is toxic behavior or why. Bills, you’re not a bad person, and I know this behavior can be hard to rein in, especially when it’s a trauma response, but please do what you can to try! I wish I had advice for how, but I don’t. All I can do is point out that this behavior, while it may have helped you survive a bad situation in the past, is actually really shitty to others now. And if someone WANTS this behavior from you? If someone WANTS you to scrape and grovel and insult yourself when they point out the slightest thing wrong? Get the hell away from them, because that’s toxic as hell too.

[lilithsslut]

What is happening in your connection right now??? The TRUTH

🖤🌙request a reading here🌙🖤

Pick a crystal !!!

Serpentine (green) pile one

Carnelian (red) pile two

PILE 1:

Someone’s ego is getting in the way of this connection, and someone isn’t willing to sacrifice something to put all of their focus on you, they may even be selfish with their time and you’re wondering why they’re not fully committed to you. Your person is feeling like this connection isn’t gonna make it, new things are coming into fruition & they want to be able to focus on that. They’ve been inconsistent and they’ve probably even lied & kept secrets from you, overall someone is very immature when it comes to their emotional side and isn’t very good at communicating effectively with you. They are waiting for results of desire, and I believe tht they do in fact desire you, but this just isn’t the right time for them yet, they want to have their goals completed and feel content in their personal life before they can think about a relationship or a marriage or anything of the sort, though they do love the idea of it. This situation will not move forward anytime soon unfortunately, where you are right now is where you need to be and all you can have for this connection is hope for the far future, both of you are going through spiritual awakenings, and you both need to avoid harsh relationships. Though you may feel like you’ve known each other in a past life, maybe you or your person experience deja vu often when you’re together! they do have feelings for you but they’re more focused on themselves right now. I think you should also focus on yourself

Oracle messages from your person:

“Free yourself”

“Forgive me”

“I’m working on my self”

“I’m trusting that divine timing will bring us back together”

“I’ve never met anyone like you”

“You make me nervous”

“In due time”

“I fell in love with your soul.”

PILE 2:

Your person is currently in a feminine energy, and I believe they’ve been unfaithful. and the feminine energy is coming from all feminine parties. somebody is in their heads and thinking about you a lot & the pain they’ve put you through, they feel alone, and probably can’t stop messaging you or thinking about messaging you, they’ve disrupted your positive energy and accused YOU of false situations. This energy may also be coming from you & could’ve possibly been the disloyal one & caused this tower moment. A huge tower moment. I mean I pulled 2 tower cards, 2 Queen of swords & 3 knight of swords for this pile so this entire connection is FULLL of conflict. The outcome of this situation is not very good, you wanna be alone, you’ll remain defensive and suspicious and questioning as you should. And they will try their best to have you back, but with your walls up I don’t see it happening. you’re done, and you’ve made up your mind, all the things you’re “questioning” and being suspicious about are true, and intuition is strong and correct. your indecision to take them or forgive them is not likely and it’s killing them. they want to take you somewhere and make it up to you. But honestly don’t even bother, go take some time for yourself & connect with your spiritual practice, take a bath in the ocean and cleanse your soul.

Messages for your person:

“Let go of control issues”

“Forgiving and learning”

“There’s someone else”

“We can make this work”

“I told my friends”

“I’m trusting that divine timing will bring us back together”

“I’m angry”

Relationship

Thanks for reading guys, message me for a free reading!!! 🌙

[lacewise]

Hey, you! Yes: you! Random person on the internet! I need to talk to you about something.

Nearly everything on social media (yes, that thing too) (yup, so is that) (yes, especially me) is marketing. That’s a morally neutral statement. It’s not “good” or “bad” or even “morally grey”. It is the way we have organized the internet, especially platforms on the internet.

If people are fighting for attention, eyeballs, interest… you’re going to get marketing. In this truth, people have different goals: entertainment, education, money, etc. That’s all still morally neutral.

Where it gets morally bad is when you buy into the marketing without any research. Where it gets even worse is when people tell you if you fact check the information you see on social media, *you* are morally bad. Why don’t you just buy into the marketing? Why don’t you just accept the buzzwords? And a lot of it seems to be an updated redux of “tolerate my intolerance!” (Which evolved to, “Hey, I’m just asking questions” then to “What if it’s really true? What if [blank innocuous thing] is the root of all evil?” And now it’s, “We have to do something!!! There’s no time to fact check!!! If this is really happening, there’s no time!!!”) Which I should not have to explain… is bad.

Let me explain anyway though: the increase in urgency and making it time sensitive is meant to send you into a panic. That fear/anger/anxiety response tells you you need to do something, right now! But it’s so difficult to know what… don’t worry, don’t freeze, don’t think, they have the answer! Do this right now! You have to! There’s only a few seconds left! You NEED TO DO THIS YOU—oh you’ve done it. Phew, crisis averted! You’re our hero! Now make sure to tell all your friends or nothing you did matters and you will be d—ned for all eternit—thanks for sharing! We need more people like you!

The difference between this and something actually time sensitive is something that is legitimate will 1) often not work you into a panic, because they’re just trying to make you more informed/legitimately interested, 2) they will give you actionable steps and 3) the tone is completely different. Here’s another example:

Hey, everyone. I’m sorry to say this but [politician] has betrayed our [community]. We met with [politician] and they promised us they would fight for our [very specific purpose, usually with its own specialized vocabulary]. Today they voted against that. But we’re not giving up! Please, pressure [government body] to change their minds about [issue] and vote again in our favor! This would [specific impact]. We are also working on this [alternative solution]. Please donate here! We’ll keep you all updated and together, we will will achieve [favorable result]. We won’t back down! Thank for your support!

Even if the legitimate advocacy is angry, devastated, resigned, or scared, you will still see the elements of specific information and solutions pertaining to a specific situation, especially using jargon pertaining to the specific situation, urging you to learn more or ally with them without 1) centering yourself, 2) accidentally spreading bad information, or 3) accidentally harming other communities in solidarity with theirs. Learning more and supporting movements is supposed to be an *ongoing process* not a “winner-takes-all” sporting tournament, with you as the star and hero.

If people are telling you not to get a second opinion about something that isn’t easily verifiable (especially if there are no primary sources to consult), that’s morally bad marketing.

You may be wondering why I’m framing this as “morally bad marketing” instead of “propaganda” (which is literally correct). That’s *also* marketing. I’ve found that propaganda is a loaded word in most contexts, and if you tell someone they’ve fallen for it, they’ll get defensive. However, if I frame it as a scam and focus my attention on the people manufacturing the scam (whether that’s outrage, bigotry, etc) sometimes it jolts people into realizing how flimsy the premise actually is. Which is very!

If people aren’t using their own activism and infrastructure to gain acceptance and solidarity. If people are using other movements’ platforms to get attention to their own (like stealing hashtags), especially if they use *different phrases and jargon* to gain acceptance in different communities, and keep coming up with new rhetoric every time their ideas don’t penetrate the demographic they’re targeting—these are all red flags of a size that could blanket Texas. Discarding one marketing strategy for another takes time, especially with decentralized communications. If multiple strategies are being employed at once on a large scale: I highly doubt that’s decentralized at all. If it looks like a sales funnel, talks like a sales funnel, etc…

Further, if you see a sudden proliferation of accounts that don’t seem organic, or someone is selling One Weird Little Trick to complete your life, cure your ails, bring about World Peace! [Blank] hates it!

You need to flee. I need you to understand my *very* clearly on this—you need to *flee* immediately. The *best case* scenario is you are being tricked out of currency.

No one doing this is *ever* selling solutions. They are feeding you fear and self-loathing, then selling you the feeling of control. “You can do it! You can change the world! We can do it! We can do it together!” But never, ever once telling you what “it” is. At least not at first. It’s always a lifestyle, a thing, a movement. “Sure the world has gone to pieces [true] but you’re better than the last people who messed up [source?] you can fix it! Just let us tell you how [no, this is a cult, RUN]”

And, again, this can apply to anything, including: companies selling you ‘lifestyles’, companies selling you that one super niche product that will fix your life forever, up to and including literal propaganda campaigns.

The thing is: it’s not about you. It’s about what they can take from you, while you smile happily, feeling privileged (so, so proud) they took it. They let you market for them while they took your money, time, humanity, etc! And it’s all because you’re so wonderful! And brave! And subversive! And whatever else you want to see yourself as!

[palms-upturned]

Sorry for the wall of text in your inbox but your last DE post got me thinking and like. We don’t get an absolute ton of info about what Kim was like before the events of the game but it feels to me that by the start of it he’s tried to mask any and all of his actual opinions and feelings behind a veneer of indifference/objectivity. (How successful he is is up for debate) and I definitely think that at the start of the game the only reason he tolerates Harry is because he’s expected to work with him. He brushes off your self-deprecation and ignores your faults because he wants to get the case done. If you’re doing a run where you’re an asshole he’ll still begrudgingly stick by you until the very end unless he’s physically taken out of the picture because he feels like that’s his job. However if you take the time to befriend him I think it does change. He starts to open up a bit more, it becomes less of “I have your back because this case and wider cop culture obligate me to” and more “I’ll stick by your side because I want to, because I care about you.” and for both of them it can become the most genuine connection to another person they’ve felt in a long time. Like don’t get me wrong I think you’re absolutely correct that the only reason this could happen in the first place, the reason you’re given that chance at all, is because at the start Kim feels like he has to tolerate you. But I do think (or at least like to think) that if you do go the route of having Harry start trying to be a better person, the city and its community impart itself and it’s love on both of them. There’s something there about how the friendship they foster is founded on and expanded through the genuine humanity they see in Martinaise over the course of the game. That the only reason they are able to have a genuine connection (that’s not just a sense of obligation) is because Martinaise is a city that’s been all but abandoned by the police state and doesn’t adhere to the status-quo they’re familiar with. It’s true that the post-game outcome is most likely tragic. That despite this being the case, they’re never able to recognize it and never break free of being cops. But I also think it’s interesting to explore other, more hopeful routes. I think this game can be extremely pessimistic, but there’s a fragile optimism it has woven in it’s core. And I like the idea that this relationship, only started out of a sense of obligation and adherence to the status quo, is also the very thing that drags them out of it. (I apologize if this reads as word salad I have a lot of thoughts and don’t know how accurately I’ve conveyed them here)

UR GOOD SJSHDJDH when it comes to DE all I have is word salad… but yeah, I agree w all this, that’s kind of what I was getting at abt how their friendship would never happen if Harry wasn’t a cop bc Kim wouldn’t be able to turn a blind eye to some of his… antics… whereas within the force it’s customary to do so, esp for someone like Harry who’s considered a “good cop.” If he weren’t a cop, he’d be considered as much of a public nuisance as Leslie and Burke, if not even worse than them 💀 And then there’s that moment of Kim admitting to Harry genuinely that he’s considering doing speed to improve his job performance like… jdxgsjcb man. Idk. Cops. 😔

I do think it’s good to explore hopeful routes for them to change, ig for me the thought that interests me more is less whether it’s possible and more what would it take for them to get there. The fact that the player doesn’t have an option to quit being a cop does not bode well (neither does the fact that one of the endings involves recruiting Cuno… eugh) but who knows, as someone else pointed out it’s implied that there’s massive upheaval just on the horizon and they’re not gonna be able to sit on the fence anymore for long.

The thing I keep thinking about is the quote from the mural, “TRUE LOVE IS POSSIBLE ONLY IN THE NEXT WORLD — FOR NEW PEOPLE, IT’S TOO LATE FOR US.” There is no true love in a police state bc all of our interactions with each other are warped by the need to cling to what little individual power we have to survive. (I think that’s exactly what Kim, for instance, is doing by being a police officer. He openly admits to being disenchanted by moralism and that it’s pure sentimentality to think that the RCM serves the people of Revachol and not the coalition, but still chooses to “believe in the RCM” because it’s all he’s got. It gives him a sense of power and control in a world that increasingly feels doomed and pointless to live in.) And that doesn’t change no matter who’s doing the policing.

Kim’s love for Harry/the player is still warped in a way by the fact that they’re both cops, and that that’s the only reason he was able to look past your drug habits and neurotype and genuinely connect with you as a person. The fact that his takeaway from being a juvie cop for 15 years was that kids like Cuno aren’t worth trying to deal with is just… damn. Doesn’t bode well. But I think that if Kim lets his experiences w Harry and the people of Martinaise expand his worldview and start to be able to conceptualize a “new world,” he could also choose to be a “new person,” same as how you can reinvent Harry and his politics (to an extent). The question ig is whether they would be able to accept that it truly is, to an extent, too late for them, and that they’re going to have to be okay with laying the groundwork for change that they probably won’t live to see. Kim has that line that’s like “The moralintern is a fact. I try not to have opinions on facts. Unless they change. But… I don’t think they will in our lifetime.” If he wants to be able to be a new person and experience the true love he glimpsed in Martinaise, he’s gonna have to stop resigning himself to the “facts” of life. I don’t think it’s impossible, esp with what’s implied to be right on the horizon, but I do think that the fact that the game tells you that the week in Martinaise wasn’t enough by itself is just… sadly real. 20 years, 6 kills, and a dead(?) partner is a whole lot of sunken cost.

But that’s kind of what I like about DE’s particular brand of fragile optimism tbh. The fact that it openly is saying “we are destroying the world and the ending feels like it’s right on the horizon, and that we’re never going to make it to the new world in our lifetime, if we ever make it at all. But we’ve still got something to fuel our infernal engines and push us to try anyway. Even when it’s too late, it’s never really too late. The new world starts in our imaginations, and imagination starts as hope, and hope starts as love.”

[myrabbitistryingtokillme]

This should be the last of my neurotypical/neurodivergent semi-venting? posts.

I think neurotypical is the term that bothers me sometimes even more than neurodivergent.

I’ll see posts shitting on or complaint about or being baffled by “neurotypicals” for certain behaviors. But like it’s never actually about neurotypicals. Bc neurotypical isn’t actually??? Defined?? A neurotypical would by definition be someone with an absence of any neurodivergencies but the term nd has broadened so much that it encompasses tons of people?

Where nd has become super broad, nt has become “anyone I don’t like or doesn’t think and do like me ” or otherwise “ anyone who doesn’t have this specific symptom(s) or disorder ”

I’ve seen people complaining about neurotypicals enforcing or wanting eye contact. And it’s like. The word you’re looking for is very much not neurotypical. idk if it would be allistic in this case but I know it wouldn’t be neurotypical. tons of neurodivergencies have 0 effect on how you feel about eye contact. And it’s nothing against anyone bc I’m going to be honest I’ve probably done this too. But it’s still it the correct word ya know.

And some “neurotypical behavior” is so genuinely just asshole behavior. My dads nd as hell. Shockingly he is in fact still an asshole. I can compare him to some posts about “neurotypicals”. Especially ones about “nts “ not understanding “nd” executive dysfunction limits or sensory issues and trying to force them to do things. He’s literally most likely autistic. Autism can in fact present as rigidly following social rules and productivity expectations and trying to force others to also do so. Especially for an autistic man who doesn’t experience executive dysfunction or many other problems the way other autistics might bc they’ve had the same routine for the last 16 years of their life and the same job for 20.

My dad literally used to force me to eat foods that I hated bc of sensory reasons. That he ALSO hated for the same sensory reasons. (Tomatoes r the worst) And it was literally just bc that’s how he was raised.

The word your looking for is “asshole”. Or oftentimes it’s also “allistic” which is a perfectly good term I wish more people would use even if it doesn’t always fit perfectly. You can also literally just use “other people” or “people who don’t have (specific thing you are referencing ). Mentally well is also sometimes a term you can use depending on the context!

Literally anyone can be neurodivergent so please stop calling any behavior that you don’t like or can’t relate to neurotypical. It’s literally just othering other neurodivergent people.

Okay I think this should be my last rant on the topic unless I suddenly come up with some good names for neurodivergent sub communities or something idk man. Feel free to add on to this in any way but I doubt anyone else will actually see this.

[borderlinereminders]

You’ve mentioned the “not now, later” approach for ignoring the urge to lash out at people. What do you do when the harmful urge you’re trying to ignore is the urge to ignore somebody and give them the silent treatment? Would the way to ignore that urge be to actively talk to them? Because I feel like I’d just say something hurtful if I did (sorry if this doesn’t make much sense, it’s 4am and I haven’t slept)

Hi anon,

I think everyone is different, but for me personally, forcing myself to talk to someone that I don’t want to talk to for whatever reason is likely to make it worse.

I think it might be worth figuring out why you’re having the urge. Are you upset by something they’ve done? If so, I think when you’re ready, it’s good to talk to them about your feelings. Even if they haven’t done anything wrong and the feelings aren’t necessarily rational (they are still valid even if this is the case) , talking about feelings can help (though I encourage you to reassure them they haven’t done anything wrong if that’s the case).

Sometimes when I feel irrationally upset at something my partner has said/done, I still tell him that. One recent example is I got a fact wrong and he corrected me. And then kept explaining why it was wrong. Rationally, I knew that he just got excited and liked to talk about stuff he knows about. But emotionally, I felt crushed like he was just poking at how I was wrong and rubbing it in. I tried coping myself but my anger/upset just kept growing and I wanted to lash out and/or not talk to him. Eventually I communicated to him that “Hey. I know it wasn’t your intent and you didn’t do anything wrong but I’m feeling insecure. I know you didn’t mean it to come off this way but my brain is being rude and I feel upset you keep pointing out how I was wrong.”

Even though I knew he didn’t mean it like that, I still felt reassured when he told me he didn’t. And he hugged me and I was able to “let go” of the feelings and carry on our conversation.

It’s also valid to take space from people. While giving someone the silent treatment to punish them isn’t great, I think it’s valid to communicate that you need space or that you’re just not in the headspace to talk right now. Also, you don’t owe your energy and it’s okay to stop and figure things out. When my partner and I have argued in the past, I usually end up telling him I need space and that it’s not to punish him, but I need to get my thoughts in order and have a calm discussion when we’re both ready.

If it’s someone you really value in your life, I encourage you to save screenshots of messages from them that made you feel good that you can look back to when you need to.

I think not talking to them when you’re thinking you might lash out if you do is better in this case. If you’re up to it, I recommend the wise mind skill. I wrote a post on it here.

[coutelier]

Irongate: Lana Sane, Part One

This a little novella I’ve been working on while doing the next draft of my main project (it’s set after, so a few spoilers). I will post over the coming weeks it junks like this of about 2,000 words.

SYNOPSIS: Pint-sized anti-hero Tenley Tych leads some residents from a care home on a quest to fulfil one of their numbers dying wish, while she learns the value of history and connecting with the past. Then she fights a statue.

Millenia ago a family sheltered in a cave. On the tundra they faced many dangers. So many relatives lost to ice or sickness or predators. The world outside was one they could not control; even praying to the Gods did little to mitigate the harsh realities of nature. But perhaps to survive as a human means looking past what is cruel to what is magnificent. The icy plains, the herds of mighty beasts, the sun, moon, sky. With infinite patience the family sparked a fire, ground charcoal and other things into paste, all to celebrate the splendor of their world. They began to paint.

Twenty thousand years later twelve-year-old Tenley Tych tilted her head and squinted at a holographic projection of their work, concluding, “it’s rubbish.”

Seated next to her in the van, Jennifer Airhart gaped like she’d been punched in the gut, “rubbish!?”

“What’s it even supposed to be?”

“Well, it’s a Mammoth. I think. The trunk’s just a little faded.”

Tenley folded her arms to huff, “I could draw a better Mammoth than that and I have never even seen a real one.”

“Okay, well, I’ve seen your drawings so-“ Jenn swallowed, revising what she said next as Tenley’s eyes bore into her like lasers. “Anyway, it’s not about whether you’re a better artist than a caveman. They were the first animals to create like this. To make tools not for survival but to appreciate the beauty of their world. Don’t you feel any awe seeing something one of your own distant ancestors might have done?”

“Can’t have been my ancestor,” Tenley shrugged, “whoever did that had no talent.”

“You know,” Jennifer sighed, hanging her head as she shut down the projector leaving them in the back of the van surrounded by blinking lights and gadgets, “this is reminding me too much of school trips to museums. Everyone just wanted to fool around, except me. I guess it’s my fault - I’m not really a good communicator.”

Tenley peered sympathetically at her adopted elder all sagging and defeated. “You’re fine,” she assured her. “What I don’t understand is you always talk how amazing humans are and the incredible things they’ve done, but you don’t really like people at all. You’re always trying to avoid them.”

“It’s not that I dislike people,” Jennifer sighed, “it’s like Tangerines; I like them a lot, but too many at once will make me poop.”

“So that’s why we’ve been parked outside this care home for twenty minutes?”  Tenley nodded, the old mansion - Dashwood - clearly visible through the van’s windscreen. “And it’s not just because you’re avoiding your uncle?”

“Great Uncle Quinn,” Jenn corrected, shoulders bunching as her hands slid beneath her. “He stayed with us a for a few years after my parents left, until he moved here. To be honest we never really got along.”

“What’s he like?”

“Oh; grumpy, grouchy, racist, misogynist - like all seven dwarfs stood on each other’s shoulders and wearing the skin of an old man.”

“So why is it you checking on him and not your cousins?”

“Said they were busy,” Jennifer said with all the conviction of someone totally unconvinced but too tired to argue about it.

“Well they’re going to start wondering why a van is out here, so you better decide whether we’re going in or not. If I have to knock-out another cop there’ll be more problems later.”

“It’s just I’ve never been here before. Not really sure where to go.”

“Maybe to the door marked reception?”

“Right,” Jenn bit her lip. It was obvious of course, but, “what then?”

“Then ask whoever’s there where your uncle is.”

“Right,” that was the problem; having to go inside and talk to a complete stranger before getting to her uncle. Jennifer took a breath, balancing herself. She could do this; just walk in there, say hello, sign-in. Easy, right? What if the person inside didn’t see her, like they were reading a magazine, watching videos, or perhaps just ignoring her? How would she get their attention? Would there be a bell? How annoyed would they be if she rung it? It was nonsense, all this thoughts rushing through her head. Intellectually Jennifer understood that, and yet her heart quickened regardless. Somewhere toward the back of the van, almost as if she’d planned it, a little blue light started blinking. “Oh! Actually, I have to quickly calibrate the thingemmydonk.”

Tenley’s eyebrow raised to form a question-mark on her face. “The thingemmydonk?”

“Right. So, could you talk to them while I…?”

“Yeah,” Tenley’s eyes rolled, “I figured that’s where this was going,” she grumbled as she slid out the side door onto the gravel, “you know I could have been watching the new season of Big Dino Brawl. You better be right behind me.”

Tenley stomped her little feet all the way to the reception desk but despite that the young man behind it failed to notice her approach, so engrossed was he in an issue of Colin the Barbarian. She waited a few seconds for him to acknowledge her - which to a child was basically days - before bashing the bell repeatedly. The pernicious ringing and dinging got him up to peer over the desk at the small girl.

“Stop that!” He groaned, “it’s not a toy.”

“If you use your imagination it could be,” Tenley encouraged, “like one of those clicking games people have on their phones.”

“It gives me a headache,” he was obviously unused to children or he would not have given away a weakness like that. “So what do you want? You checking in?”

“Funny,” Tenley acknowledged, “I’m looking for Quinn Alto.”

 “You got a grown-up with you?”

“Sure. She’s,” Tenley gestured back to the door only to find Jenn had already slipped inside. “Well she’s hiding behind those plants now. You see? She’s waving - yes, hello. She’s shy. She’ll come out of there eventually.”

The desk man looked between the blonde haired, pale skinned Jennifer, and the black haired, tan skinned Tenley, astutely observing, “you don’t look related.”

Tenley’s dark eyes flared as she huffily answered, “do I look like someone who wants to tell you her life story?” She raised her arm, threatening to ring the bell again. “Just tell us where the old man is.”

Soon they were stood in a hall outside a wooden door, Jennifer taking several breaths before tentatively knocking. After a moment with no response she suggested, “maybe he’s not in there.”

“He’s in there,” Tenley said, tapping her foot impatiently. “He’s just being really slow.”

“How do you know?”

Tenley looked up, her eye whites swallowed by velvety black as a brief reminder of what she was. “I could just smash it open,” she suggested.

“N0 - no smashing anything. We’ll just wait.”

“Guess he’s up now anyway,” Tenley continued tapping her foot for another minute. “Did I mention I’m missing my show?”

“Well, it’s not really your show, is it? You weren’t involved in making it.”

“I bought a Lego set so I have invested.”

“And when everyone hates the finale you’ll disown and not take any responsibility. That’s very Meridiem.”

“Is it normal to have quite long conversations waiting for your uncle to cross a small room?”

The door finally clicked open, Jennifer gasping, “Uncle Quinn!”

He was of course an old man, thin wisps of white hair clinging to a liver-spotted scalp, one arm in a sling, loose cheeks pulling his lips down into what seemed a perpetual frown. Perhaps it more than just seemed as the first words he said were “what the hell do you want?”

Tenley had grown used to seeing frequent changes in Jennifer. At home or in her van she was relaxed. She told jokes. She often grew anxious at the prospect of meeting anyone new, but could relax again once she had a clear purpose. This time however was different; after Uncle Quinn opened the door Jennifer bowed her head, clasped her hands, standing there like an old maid. “I heard about your accident. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“You wanted nothing - you were told to come here and were too spineless to say no,” he hobbled into an armchair while turning up the volume of the TV to hear the news.  “And I’ve nothing I need or want from you so just crawl back and tell them I’m fine.”

Tenley had said a similar thing after Jenn had got the call. The difference was that when she’d said it she was trying to look out for Jennifer and convince her to be less of a pushover, whereas when Quinn said it he was just trying to hurt her. Tenley had known him five seconds and didn’t want to waste any more time on him, and there were TV’s in each of these rooms. “Well, you heard him - he doesn’t want any help,” she shrugged, “we can still catch the second episode before Burplr is overrun with spoilers.”  But Jennifer was biting her lip in the way that meant she was torn - she didn’t want to stay, but felt she had to do more before she left.

Quinn briefly looked over with mild curiosity but mostly disdain. “Who’s the brat?”

“This is Tenley,” Jennifer explained, “she’s living with me now. Long story.”

He shook and snorted disapprovingly, “taking in strays? You should be thinking about starting your own family. A real family.”

Jennifer muttered her response, loud enough to be heard but quiet enough to be plausibly misheard, “Well what I know is real is that she helps me more than you’ve ever helped anyone, so…”

Quinn scoffed, “I just don’t get it. Pretty blonde like you should have boys lining up to propose marriage.”

“Okay that felt all kinds of wrong and creepy,” Jennifer sighed, “I suppose now you’re going to ask if I’m lesbian?”

“Are you one of them lesbians or something?”

If she was, this would hardly be the time nor the person she would choose to come out to.  The truth was relationships just weren’t something she thought much about at all, but that seemed to strike everyone as the least human of persuasions, although incidentally she wasn’t exactly human either - there was no need to burden anyone with that or the very long explanation it would entail. “I just have my mind on other things. Besides I’m only twenty-two.”

“Yeah, you always think you’ve got all the time in the world, and then,” he shrugged with his one good shoulder before turning up the volume again. The coverage was of evacuations around Abominable Zones. Not long ago a synthetic mutagen had been released into the atmosphere spreading far around the globe. There was a vaccine and it wasn’t as potent as the version Tenley had been exposed to, but now it was out it was free to mutate and evolve. Places where it fell most heavily had been sealed off by various militaries, guns trained on the dark in case anything emerged.

“Look,” Jenn exhaled, “I just need to make sure you’re been taken care of and looking after yourself. Everyone is worried about you.”

“Um,” Tenley raised a hand, “I’m not.”

“Of course I didn’t mean literally everyone.”

“I just want it clear that I don’t care at all. I’m only here because it’s too dangerous to leave me unsupervised. And for Jenn, I guess.”

“Thank you, Ten,” Jenn gently placed a hand on her ward’s shoulder, “it’s okay - I think I can handle things from here. Go watch your show.”

“You sure?” Tenley narrowed her eyes at the old man. Jenn was sure - there wasn’t much Tenley could do here; if he yelled or got abusive she could punch his head off and shove it up the other end, but that was exactly the kind of thing Jennifer tried to discourage.  Besides, back in familiar territory with her uncle and all his annoying questions Jenn no longer needed the forceful twelve year old to get through. “Well, holler if you need me.”

As Tenley exited the news report was interviewing refugees. “You know whose fault this all is?”

“Actually, yes  - I was there when it happened,” Jenn mumbled, “but I’m guessing you’ll make it out it’s somehow the fault of anyone who isn’t straight, white, and capitalist?”

“It’s those damn Australians!”

“Okay, well, that I wasn’t expecting. I’ve got to ask how and why exactly?”

“Cui bono - most of these people want to head south to countries least affected. The economy down there is booming like never before while we spend billions trying to contain this thing.”

“Ergo, Thor created a virus to force more tourism down under? I’d say that’s a fine example of abductive reasoning leading to entirely the wrong conclusion.”

“So what’s your explanation for all this?”

“Meridiem and Stag Corp being reckless, irresponsible, and stupid. That’s it. That’s all it was. And because of it the world is changed forever.”

“Bah! That’s fake news.”

“No - you mean it’s news you don’t like because it suggests that other things need to change. You think every report should just be ‘once again, Uncle Quinn was right about everything’.”

Quinn curled his upper lip, nostrils flaring like a terrible smell had entered the room. “You Airharts always thought you were so damn smart. Where’d that get your mom and dad, hm? Not here, are they?”

Jennifer’s cheeks sunk as she squished her lips. It was good that she had sent Tenley away or the girl might have reacted far more violently to such a low blow. She just had to remind herself that he was just a confused bitter old man and it wasn’t worth lowering herself to his level. Besides, she didn’t think she would last long in a women’s prison - catfights and bullying really weren’t her fortes.

“I’ve never said you were stupid,” Jennifer said. She had admittedly thought it many times just because he said so many patently stupid things.

“Don’t patronize me, girl - I managed a business for forty years! I don’t even know what you do, up there in that lighthouse all the time, adopting strange children.”

“Like I said - it’s a long story,” and honestly, Jenn sighed to herself, she didn’t think he was really interested. She slowly sat down on the bed.  What he wanted, she thought, was someone to just listen to him complain for a while, which she could do while pondering math problems and the news report spoke to some of the refugees fleeing south.

Quinn snorted, shaking his head at them, “damn emigrants.”

[celebrpanonymous]

Hi there. Admin KJ of cityofdreams here, as well as a creator/admin at an old group called hollywoodland-hqs and a member of so-so-scandalous (I went by Katie then). In other words, I’ve been in this community for a very long time now, and I’ve watched toxic and problematic behavior firsthand. It’s the reason so many of us banded together to get scandalous closed down, and in turn opened hollywoodland. Now, I don’t claim to be perfect, nor would I ever. I’ve made mistakes countless times over the years as a member and as an admin. In our time of running cityofdreams, and previously when we took over theglamorouslist, we always admitted our faults openly for everyone to see whenever we were approached with them. Anyone removed from our groups has always been for being a danger to other members of the group or for repeated rule violations where we gave them chance after chance to correct. We don’t remove anyone without proof or valid reason. There are even people that some of us don’t get along with that are in the group, because we separate ourselves as admins from ourselves as members and allow a space for everyone so long as they are active, welcoming, inclusive, and kind. We never use our power as admins to remove anyone or do anything to people we don’t like. There are six of us on the admin team, everything is done by a majority vote and no one person has more say than anyone else. And even with doing so, we are still not without our faults and we still make mistakes that we always try to own up to and correct. We’re always just trying to do the best we can to make our group a safe haven in the Hollywood rpc, somewhere that anyone can go and feel welcome and included. By no means are we perfect, but our intentions are always good and we strive to hold ourselves accountable and to the same standards that we ask our members to.

Now, as far as Harley is concerned, I can’t speak on anything except for what I’ve gotten to personally see and experience for over a year now. They are dedicated admin, who works countless and most times thankless hours to make sure this group is always active, whether that’s being on the main as much as possible or their character blogs. Over the course of the last year+, I’ve also shipped with them, written countless platonic relationships with them, and even chosen to go with a different ship that wasn’t them. And throughout all of those things, our friendship has maintained and they’ve never once treated me poorly for not choosing them or anything else they did or didn’t like. I can’t say what did or didn’t happen in the past, however, people should be allowed the space to grow, mature, and change. Which is something that the rpc seems to never allow anyone the chance to do and always hold mistakes they made in the past against them. The Harley I know today is nothing like what is being described, they are a caring and loyal. And have grown to be such a good friend of mine. If someone had issues with them in the past, then maybe that's a situation they should handle privately and with Harley directly like a grown adult. Instead of hiding behind a computer screen and the anonymous button to spread hate that no one can confirm or deny the truth of.

The problem I have with this account and all of the others like it is that you say your goal is to call out the toxic/problematic behavior of groups or people even though that is exactly what you and all of the people sending in anons are doing. All you’re doing is displaying the behavior that you’re trying so hard to fight against. If you really want to make a change and call people out, do it as yourself and don’t take the cowards way out. Anyone can submit anything to these accounts about anyone, whether it be true or false, and it’s automatically believed without a shadow of a doubt. It’s incredibly harmful and dangerous. If you have a problem with myself or my group, come to me directly because I’m more than happy to have open and honest conversations with anyone who feels they were wronged or hurt by something we may have done.

As stated above, I’m not without faults and neither is my group, mistakes happen and all we can do is learn and grow from them. None of that will happen with accusations being thrown left and right while hiding behind anonymous. If you want to make a change within the Hollywood rpc, then go about it the right way. There are a lot of things and people who should be called out, but only when done so properly and with proof. Hiding behind anonymous takes away the power and validity of any claims people make about anyone. I can assure you that my group is always willing to learn and grow, but we refuse to do anything when people attack us on anonymous either through our own ask or through these types of accounts.

@cityofdreamsrp responds again to other accusations sent in to this blog. As far as "hiding behind anon" and the point of "blogs like these" I've already stated we have different views on that subject matter. Thanks for your input, as I've stated it's important to get multiple sides.

[grabyourluck-blog]

27 Tips To Strengthen Your Online Influence

New Post has been published on https://www.referral-master.com/27-tips-to-strengthen-your-online-influence/

27 Tips To Strengthen Your Online Influence

How do you influence others over the Internet? Whether you want to change a mind or make a sale, the better you are at influencing, the more you’ll get what it is that you want.

With that in mind here are 27 tips in no particular order to strengthen your own online influence and get more of what you seek.

Pick one niche and become the master of that niche. The thinner you spread yourself, the less influence you have. That’s why you want to thoroughly cover one niche rather than haphazardly trying to cover several of them.

Get out of your own online world and into new communities. We tend to get stuck in a rut of our own making, and we view the world from that one perspective that we’ve chosen. But if you’re going to influence others, you need to hang out with them, experience their world and see what makes them tick.

Build long term relationships. The longer and better you know someone, the more influence you have in that relationship. Work on making your customers stick to you for years, until they’re sure you’re a friend and there’s no hesitation on their part when you recommend something. The oldest customers are almost always the least skeptical and most trusting because you’ve taken the time to really get to know them.

Be authentic and consistent. If you are being your true authentic self, it will show. And in being authentic, you never have to worry about being consistent. You know how a liar has trouble keeping his stories straight? As the real, honest authentic you, you’ll only have one story – yours.

Know who your target prospects are and then find other people who already have your prospects on their lists. Now co-create products with those people to put yourself in front of your prospects. Instant influence!

Speak for those who are afraid to speak. Sometimes it takes guts to say what needs to be said. Become the person in the theater who asks the noisy patron to be silent, and the rest of the theater will love you. It works the same way online – be the one to speak up for others and you will have influence over those you speak for.

Give. Lots. Often. Too often we are focused on our goals, our business, and on ourselves. Try giving as much as you can and as often as you can without thought of what you might get in return.

Be passionate. No one follows a mediocre, middle of the road person. People follow others who are passionate in their beliefs. An ounce of passion will out sway and out influence a pound of reasoning and logic nearly every time.

Share the internal stuff. Having a nightmare moving your website? Confounded by the speaker in the conference you’re sitting in? Thrilled that you just got a great big order? We’re taught to always keep it professional, but it’s through sharing both the good and bad that people feel they know you and your business.

Create video content for your niche. In your videos, be bold, be passionate, be exciting. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, just correct them and keep going. Be human. Be fun. And distribute your videos like crazy.

Share good content today. Tomorrow. Every day.

Tell stories. Who doesn’t love stories? And who can’t be influenced by the right story? Learn to become a master at storytelling and you can persuade even the most ardent enemy into joining your side.

Focus on a smaller niche. It’s hard to exert influence when you are one of 10,000 bloggers writing about weight loss – it’s easy to be influential when you are writing about weight loss for new moms in the Phoenix area.

Choose 5 to 10 people you admire in your niche and gradually get to know them. Share their stuff with your readers, ‘like’ their posts, ask them questions and pull them into your circle of influence. And don’t forget to thank them for what they have done for you, how they have influenced you, for the insights they’ve given you along the way.

Share yourself. Share your ideas, your thoughts, your ambitions – share what you’re doing today or what you did today. Not the, “I ate oatmeal” stuff, but rather the, “I thought about my grandad today and wondered what he would do if faced with this decision.” People listen when you share what’s close to your heart.

Align yourself with the best people in your niche. Not necessarily those who are making the most money, but rather those who are doing the best work and helping the most people. Those are the people you want as partners.

Don’t worry about how you’re going to get attention. Instead, make or do something worthwhile, something worth talking about.

Be different. Defy convention and do what others aren’t doing and say what others aren’t saying. People notice those who dare to be different.

Do interviews. Even if you have to get a friend to interview you, just do it. Get it online and make sure it’s seen by your people.

Become an advocate. Identify people on their way up in your niche and help them to succeed. By becoming their advocate, they in turn become yours.

Get people talking. People want to express themselves and they want to be heard. But start simple. Ask if they prefer smooth or crunchy peanut butter, or what their favorite food is. Work up to the bigger stuff. There may be no greater source of influence than simply listening – REALLY listening – to your people.

Choose who to influence by micro-targeting to find just the right people for your blog – product – niche – service. Only want women in their 30’s who work in Albuquerque New Mexico? Use Facebook advertising to find those people.

Make connections online, and then every chance you get, meet them in the real world. This might be at a conference, or it might be locally. Nothing beats meeting face to face.

Put your business ahead of your own fame. Sure you can become the top dog on a forum, but is it enhancing your business? If not, why are you doing it – for the fame? Keep your eye on your business goals, and if what you’re doing doesn’t further those goals, you probably shouldn’t be doing it.

Stop talking about your products and services and start talking about your customer. No matter what you write or say, always keep in mind, “Is this what the customer wants to know? Am I communicating with them, or just tooting my own horn?” They don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care is as true today as it was before the Internet.

Be the go-to person of your niche for content. Filter and aggregate your niche content so that your website is a one-stop-shop for the latest news.

Have a point of view. Sure, not everyone will share it – but that’s a good thing. Those who do share it will follow you anywhere.

Leverage some or all of these tips, and you’ll become a better influencer in all you do.

[icinch]

27 Tips To Strengthen Your Online Influence

New Post has been published on https://www.cinchhomebiz.com/27-tips-to-strengthen-your-online-influence/

27 Tips To Strengthen Your Online Influence

How do you influence others over the Internet? Whether you want to change a mind or make a sale, the better you are at influencing, the more you’ll get what it is that you want.

With that in mind here are 27 tips in no particular order to strengthen your own online influence and get more of what you seek.

Pick one niche and become the master of that niche. The thinner you spread yourself, the less influence you have. That’s why you want to thoroughly cover one niche rather than haphazardly trying to cover several of them.

Get out of your own online world and into new communities. We tend to get stuck in a rut of our own making, and we view the world from that one perspective that we’ve chosen. But if you’re going to influence others, you need to hang out with them, experience their world and see what makes them tick.

Build long term relationships. The longer and better you know someone, the more influence you have in that relationship. Work on making your customers stick to you for years, until they’re sure you’re a friend and there’s no hesitation on their part when you recommend something. The oldest customers are almost always the least skeptical and most trusting because you’ve taken the time to really get to know them.

Be authentic and consistent. If you are being your true authentic self, it will show. And in being authentic, you never have to worry about being consistent. You know how a liar has trouble keeping his stories straight? As the real, honest authentic you, you’ll only have one story – yours.

Know who your target prospects are and then find other people who already have your prospects on their lists. Now co-create products with those people to put yourself in front of your prospects. Instant influence!

Speak for those who are afraid to speak. Sometimes it takes guts to say what needs to be said. Become the person in the theater who asks the noisy patron to be silent, and the rest of the theater will love you. It works the same way online – be the one to speak up for others and you will have influence over those you speak for.

Give. Lots. Often. Too often we are focused on our goals, our business, and on ourselves. Try giving as much as you can and as often as you can without thought of what you might get in return.

Be passionate. No one follows a mediocre, middle of the road person. People follow others who are passionate in their beliefs. An ounce of passion will out sway and out influence a pound of reasoning and logic nearly every time.

Share the internal stuff. Having a nightmare moving your website? Confounded by the speaker in the conference you’re sitting in? Thrilled that you just got a great big order? We’re taught to always keep it professional, but it’s through sharing both the good and bad that people feel they know you and your business.

Create video content for your niche. In your videos, be bold, be passionate, be exciting. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, just correct them and keep going. Be human. Be fun. And distribute your videos like crazy.

Share good content today. Tomorrow. Every day.

Tell stories. Who doesn’t love stories? And who can’t be influenced by the right story? Learn to become a master at storytelling and you can persuade even the most ardent enemy into joining your side.

Focus on a smaller niche. It’s hard to exert influence when you are one of 10,000 bloggers writing about weight loss – it’s easy to be influential when you are writing about weight loss for new moms in the Phoenix area.

Choose 5 to 10 people you admire in your niche and gradually get to know them. Share their stuff with your readers, ‘like’ their posts, ask them questions and pull them into your circle of influence. And don’t forget to thank them for what they have done for you, how they have influenced you, for the insights they’ve given you along the way.

Share yourself. Share your ideas, your thoughts, your ambitions – share what you’re doing today or what you did today. Not the, “I ate oatmeal” stuff, but rather the, “I thought about my grandad today and wondered what he would do if faced with this decision.” People listen when you share what’s close to your heart.

Align yourself with the best people in your niche. Not necessarily those who are making the most money, but rather those who are doing the best work and helping the most people. Those are the people you want as partners.

Don’t worry about how you’re going to get attention. Instead, make or do something worthwhile, something worth talking about.

Be different. Defy convention and do what others aren’t doing and say what others aren’t saying. People notice those who dare to be different.

Do interviews. Even if you have to get a friend to interview you, just do it. Get it online and make sure it’s seen by your people.

Become an advocate. Identify people on their way up in your niche and help them to succeed. By becoming their advocate, they in turn become yours.

Get people talking. People want to express themselves and they want to be heard. But start simple. Ask if they prefer smooth or crunchy peanut butter, or what their favorite food is. Work up to the bigger stuff. There may be no greater source of influence than simply listening – REALLY listening – to your people.

Choose who to influence by micro-targeting to find just the right people for your blog – product – niche – service. Only want women in their 30’s who work in Albuquerque New Mexico? Use Facebook advertising to find those people.

Make connections online, and then every chance you get, meet them in the real world. This might be at a conference, or it might be locally. Nothing beats meeting face to face.

Put your business ahead of your own fame. Sure you can become the top dog on a forum, but is it enhancing your business? If not, why are you doing it – for the fame? Keep your eye on your business goals, and if what you’re doing doesn’t further those goals, you probably shouldn’t be doing it.

Stop talking about your products and services and start talking about your customer. No matter what you write or say, always keep in mind, “Is this what the customer wants to know? Am I communicating with them, or just tooting my own horn?” They don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care is as true today as it was before the Internet.

Be the go-to person of your niche for content. Filter and aggregate your niche content so that your website is a one-stop-shop for the latest news.

Have a point of view. Sure, not everyone will share it – but that’s a good thing. Those who do share it will follow you anywhere.

Leverage some or all of these tips, and you’ll become a better influencer in all you do.

[omegasmileyface]

Bound by the Food Chain

"man what if there was something incorporating both the Ghost King and Ghost Hunger aus" i say, not prepared to spend weeks writing up an entire ecosystem structure for the ghost zone,

thanks @attackradish and @ectolemonades for help figuring out the science and writing!

summary: The ghostly Staff who've taken up residence in Phantom's Keep notice Danny doesn't eat any ectoplasmic food. That can't be good for him.

warnings: detailed description of ghost hunger, which is vaguely like cannibalism

words: 2830

AO3 link

===

“King Phantom, when do you feed?”

“Huh?” Danny looked up at the Keep’s Librarian, Vellum. It felt like an odd question, seeing as he was currently actively eating a sandwich he had packed up with him into the Zone. He was spending a few hours in the Keep that day since it was nice and quiet for getting work — from both realms — done, and he had brought some earth food over. Ghost plants just didn’t taste very good.

Vellum looked a little shocked, like she hadn’t realized she’d asked her question aloud. “I mean, clearly you eat human food quite a bit,” she gestured to his sandwich, “but I’ve never seen you take in any sort of ectoplasmic substance.”

Danny wasn’t an expert on the (strangely psychological) ecology of the Infinite Realms, but he was familiar with the fact that all ghosts had to take in some sort of ectoplasm if they wanted to be anything more than an inert impression of emotion. Since he had never gotten any enjoyment or significant energy from eating ghost plants or breathing in the stuff ambient in the air, he pretty much just stuck with eating human food and converting the chemical energy between his forms. He was lucky that he could do that, being part human. He knew he automatically gained some energy from the human emotions around him (including his own, another benefit of being liminal) but it was negligible. He got drained pretty easily, and he knew there were things he wasn’t trying, but… he was tired, not desperate. He’d be tired anyway, with his lack of sleep.

“That’s because I don’t. I can still use the chemical energy I get from human food in my ghost form, so…” he shrugged. “This is pretty much it.”

Vellum’s brows furrowed in concern. “Are you not a—” She pursed her lips. “Are you not tired?”

“What do you mean? I definitely eat more than a regular human, and as far as I’m aware I don’t lose any of my energy in conversion. I’m getting by.”

“I think we should talk to Dr. Marchs. I don’t know if it’s… ok, that you’re not feeding ectoplasmically.”

With some exasperation, Danny let himself be brought back to the Throne room, the preferred place for anything that could constitute a “meeting”. Apparently, talking to the Keep’s Doctor, Chef, and some other Staff members about his diet counted.

The various adult ghosts looked at Danny with shared expressions of confusion and concern from where they stood around him. He was sitting on the arm of the Throne, not the most comfortable but it still felt wrong to be properly seated in it unless necessary.

Dr. Marchs finally spoke their piece. “Forgive me for asking, Your Majesty, but… are you not a hunting-ghost?”

Danny was already out of his league culturally. He had a lot to learn. “As in… like, a predator?”

“Exactly! Your core best processes ectoplasm directly from other ghosts, correct?”

Danny paled. “I don’t… know? I tend to avoid going around, just… eating other sentient creatures.” He tried to say it in a humorous way. It didn’t work.

“So you’ve never tried! I had thought… Well, I think you must be a hunting-ghost. You put out a radiant power that is only associated with that core type.”

“None of us have seen you feeding,” added Vellum, “so we weren’t sure you didn’t just defy that association. I don’t think anyone really understands all the complications of half-human physiology.”

Dr. Marchs jumped back in easily. “It’s still just speculation. You have said that you don’t enjoy eating plants from this realm, yes?” Danny nodded. “And you don’t seem to get significant relief from human emotion. Well, we’re just going to have to have you try feeding on some ghosts.”

Danny jumped to his feet. “What?! I don’t… need that, I get by fine on human food!”

“But aren’t you tired?” pointed out the Chef. Her eyes widened. “That’s why you get so drained after using big attacks! Your energy reserves aren’t being nearly refilled.”

“I believe she’s right, Your Majesty. There’s only so much energy you can take from human food, which isn’t even alive… I think you’re always tired because your core is designed to have a level of energy that you can’t provide it without processing Vital ectoplasm.”

Danny didn’t want to admit that he was consistently pretty damn tired. Instead he tried to change the subject. Ghosts were passionate beings, and as much as he hated to take advantage of that, having one of the Keep Staff gush about one of their passions to him was much better than talking about his relationship with what was essentially cannibalism. “Vital?”

Dr. Marchs’ eyes sparkled a little. “Vital as in living, not as in essential. Ectoplasm comes in three major forms. Ambient plasm makes up most of the Realms, in environments and atmospheres and auras. All ghosts are made up of Vital plasm, and those with cores have their Obsession or Purpose imprinted into the crystal structure of their own ectoplasm, which can be turned into Charged ectoplasm. The Charged form can take up an elemental type according to the ability of its source, and it has the most capacity to hold or be converted into ectoenergy. The Charged form is used to transmit intention onto a target, so it’s generally created by Cored ghosts, who are creatures of intention, in attacks or construction. Regardless of type or state, ectoplasm processing depends on its form — Uncored ghosts can process strong human emotions or Ambient ectoplasm into the Vital type. Among Cored ghosts, hunter-ghosts can best process Vital ectoplasm, gatherer-ghosts the high-activity type of Ambient plasm found in ghost plants, and scavenger-ghosts human emotion. Additionally, Charged plasm no longer linked to the source of its intention will eventually disperse into Ambient, as its most inert form.”

Danny, sitting down, had already known part of that, but the Doctor was properly smiling at this point. Dr. Marchs blushed as they realized they had just been talking, but none of the other ghosts in the room appeared to mind.

“…Regardless, King Phantom, we should really find some blobs for you to try eating. I cannot in good conscience leave you persisting off such low energy.”

He wanted to argue, he really did, but all the Keep Staff present were looking at Danny with this pleading expression. They looked genuinely concerned, and he remembered a comment he’d heard before about some of the Staff latching onto the King with their Obsessions. Some unfortunate result of the connection they’d formed with the Keep, Danny certainly didn’t deserve it, but he did know how it felt to Obsess over taking care of someone and have them turn down that care. With the same concerned look directed back their way, he got up and was led to the Garden out back.

Danny was having second thoughts again once he found himself surrounded by blobs that had been enjoying the intricate plants and high Ambient ecto levels of the Keep Garden. They were squishy but soft, like mochi coated in a good layer of starch, each a bit smaller than his head, and they all looked at him with these big vibrant eyes. Their postures were energetic, like they expected to play a game.

Once he sat down with the rest of the small group — why did he have to have an audience? — the blobs swarmed around him, resting on the sky blue grass and on his shoulders and in the others’ laps. They looked almost as expectant as the Staff in front of him.

“I…“ he bit his lip. “I can’t justify eating a living creature when I can choose not to. I know lots of ghosts have to eat others to persist, but I have the privilege that I can eat human food instead. Since I have that option, I can’t just… end another creature so I can feel a bit better.” Hey, Sam would be proud of him.

The present Staff donned looks of confusion. An Advisor who used the Keep as a home spoke up, eyes wide with realization. “Ah! Living creatures all share a survival instinct — that’s a natural result of evolution, yes? Things that do their best to live have their genes passed on? That’s not necessary for Uncored ghosts, since they do not reproduce and therefore don’t evolve. The only instincts experienced by the Uncored are instincts to better the Realms. Unless they’ve developed a strong individual personality, the Uncored are much more interested in contributing than in persisting.”

Danny’s head tilted in curiosity. Dr. Marchs took the reins on the rest of the explanation.

“The Realms are built socially where the living realm is built physically. Our homes and well-being are made from emotion, belief, and community. So for Uncored ghosts, spawned of the dimension itself, they want their ectoplasm and energy to be where it supports those communities the most, and that means ensuring the health of the ghosts in charge. Generally speaking, the more powerful a ghost is, the more likely they are to have some importance to the Realms. The Uncored — and many Cored — can sense a ghost’s power due to how much excess ectoplasm they let off. In fact, that excess is almost immediately put off as Ambient ectoplasm, meaning that there is simply more Ambient plasm around a powerful ghost, and the Uncored are often attracted since that provides sustenance for them . It’s a mutualistic relationship where one entity feeds off another, and in the end the resources of the weaker ghosts are given to the stronger, supporting the Realms. In fact, there are some cultures who believe that converting ectoplasm into a form the Cored can process is the entire reason for the existence of the Uncored.”

Vellum smiled slightly as she added on, “It’s not an entirely accurate strategy, as the most powerful ghost around is not always going to be a hunter type. They usually are, seeing as that’s the most efficient form of feeding, but it’s not impossible to be otherwise. The result in these cases is Uncored ghosts following around said Cored ghost, and as the same aspect of community comes into play, that ghost soon ends up hanging around a hunter type, who feeds on the prey that was collected.”

Danny cringed a little at the use of the word “prey”.

He looked around at the blobs nuzzled up against him. Those who didn’t look to be something resembling unconscious were peering up at him. They certainly looked expectant, as much as something without even a permanent mouth can.

After he was silent for a few moments, another Staff member spoke up, likely wanting to lighten his mood. “They really do like you! I’m not surprised, even aside from your natural power, the role you play as High King causes ectoplasm to be magnetized to you. I’m sure they’re having a little feast themselves!”

It did not lighten his mood. Danny felt genuinely guilty. Even if he wasn’t doing it on purpose, wasn’t he effectively manipulating these creatures into offering themselves up to be eaten? It wasn’t right, to make them feel as if they want to be ended, just because he had some sort of aura.

But the gathered Staff were still concerned, and anticipatory, and, somehow, hopeful . He couldn’t turn them down at this point. He’d just have to bite into one of the little ghosts surrounding him, just once. He’d throw up, disgusted with himself, and the Staff would realize it wasn’t better for him, and the remaining blobs would remember that they don’t want to die, and they’d flee, and everybody would just leave the subject alone . He only had to try.

(The human dread he was emitting at this point must have been feeding everyone else.)

“…Okay,” he said simply, and gently picked up a blob that had been sitting on his leg.

Before he could rethink himself again, he brought it to his lips. He opened his jaw slightly wider than a human’s would likely go and, fangs instinctually extended, bit down.

Danny was familiar with the scent of ectoplasm. Copper and citrus and battery acid and salt. But when he broke the surface of the small ghost and the viscous fluid burst into his mouth, the salty and bitter aspects were lost on his tongue, replaced by a thick sweetness and the cold tingle of energy. Where his fangs pierced an inch down into the substance of the ghost, he tasted this fulfillment in its emotional ectoplasm. He’s not sure he would have been able to taste it if he weren’t part human. Still, the feeling was something distinctly ghostly, a similar satisfaction to fulfilling an Obsession or a Purpose. It was hard to feel bad, sympathizing automatically with that simple rightness. The way the emotion pressed at his brain, the way the semisolid edges of the ghost slicked against his tongue, his own self-revulsion melted to the back of his mind. The ectoplasmic flesh met his teeth with a thick resistance, but it was nothing to break past it and open up to the deeper substance. It was vibrant, a pure cool energy that pulsed against his fangs. (His core sucked it up greedily.) His mouth met the energy with a pulsing of its own, a harmonizing signal sent from his core throughout his body like a heartbeat. It came out as a low purr that vibrated deep through the charged air around him. He couldn’t help but rush to swallow, though his body absorbed it just as easily without.

The blob ghost had been the size of his foot, and now it was part of the energy making up his own form. Compared to the power his core was passively putting out, to the amount it longed to have refilled, it wasn’t all that much. Unconsciously, his core put out an ectoenergetic signal that he was ready to feed. The blobs around him nuzzled closer yet, making themselves available. Danny could feel a few other Uncored ghosts who were drifting nearby come into the garden and join them.

He looked up from his ectoplasm-stained hands at the Keep Staff. They were looking at him, relieved, pleased (even though they just watched him tear into a living thing and then absorb it into his being like it didn’t even matter, said a part in the back of his consciousness. It was hard to focus on, though. It was coming from his brain, not his hungry core, after all). With his core this active, he could feel the presences of all the other ghosts around. The blobs flocking around him had auras that were weaker than the Cored Staff, but sturdy. There was a balance to them that signaled the ectoplasmic types they were taking in and storing. He sensed the Uncored pulling in the Ambient ectoplasm that sloughed off of him, barely connected to him anymore if not for the weight of the space surrounding him. And he could feel all of their stores of energy-dense Vital plasm.

He could also feel, just as an aspect of his being, his own energy stores. The metaphysical space in his center that his form and all his strength drew from. He could remember, abstractly, the moment he died and that reservoir came to be and was instantly flooded with energy. The way the portal had searched the air until it found his body and his little human soul and used him as a conduit, and all that electricity punched a hole between planes right where his ghost was trying to form, and something tore outward from that starting place just on top of his being, and the vacuum that formed on earth and in the Zone and everything in between pulled until the Infinite Realms rushed his body and in one instantaneous moment his forming core was flooded with enough ectoplasmic energy to become entirely corporeal (if it hadn’t, his ghost wouldn’t have manifested nearly quickly enough to keep him alive), and his being was stretched beyond its limits containing everything. For one moment, he had been filled with more energy than he had thought possible, and his ghost had formed itself to accommodate. Since then he’d felt so… empty. His body took what it could from human food and environmental energy, but it was made for more than that. He had blocked out the awareness of his reserves and gotten used to trying to power all his defenses on so little. He was always so tired.

He still felt low, running on just enough to operate something humanish. But his core had latched on to the ectoplasm provided by the blob, the kind it was designed to process, and finally felt a little relieved. Most ghosts that stayed within the Realms were almost always full. Danny wasn’t nearly there yet.

He reached down and grabbed another blob.

[a-dragons-journal]

i dont "kin for fun" but through tiktok i found out about the whole kin for fun vs actual otherkin... situation ig? im having a really hard time taking it seriously... maybe im just burnt out and bitter from dealing with the worlds current events, and maybe its because on tiktok the only people i saw mad about it were white people, but you're the most reasonable person ive seen talking about it (a lot of other posts have this odd tone that 12 year olds on tiktok saying kin is the worlds greatest opression and it weirds me out) so ig my question is just... why exactly does this matter? why does it matter enough to post about and care about and not just ignore? /gen

Hey! I don’t blame you for being a bit weirded out by it, we’re a weird subculture and we’re well aware of it! xD I appreciate you taking the time to actually look into it past your first knee-jerk reaction, especially considering burnout and the state of things.

I’m not totally sure if you’re asking why otherkinity matters or why the “kin for fun” being wrong matters, so I’ll answer both - they’re pretty well tied together anyway.

The short version:

Otherkinity is an identity. It’s who we are, we can’t choose to pick it up or put it down, and it comes with struggles - though no, ‘kin are not systematically oppressed (though we are pretty badly bullied and, at this point, pushed out of our own words and spaces).

What people calling roleplay/relating to/projecting onto characters “kinning for fun” does is steal our words, make them meaningless, and in doing so, make it difficult or impossible for us to find each other. If someone says “I kin [x],” I no longer know whether they mean “I am [x] on an intrinsic level” or “haha I relate to this character a lot”. I no longer know whether they actually share my experiences or if they’re going to turn on me and call me “crazy” as soon as they realize I’m not exaggerating or joking or roleplaying. It’s done massive harm to the community as a whole because it’s become difficult to tell whether someone is actually ‘kin or if they’ve misunderstood the whole thing - and because antikin rhetoric, which I’m seeing more and more in KFF spaces, hurts far more when it’s coming from inside what you thought was a community space than when it’s coming from self-labeled “antikin.”

There are other words for roleplaying and relating to and projecting onto characters. Hell, there are words for strongly identifying with-but-not-as characters/things, though usually KFF people don’t even seem serious enough for those to fit in my experience. I’m really not sure why these people are so determined to steal and misuse our words, words that were specifically created to mean something else, when they already have their own and are just refusing to use them. (Or, hell, if you don’t feel like those fit, make your own. We did. It’s your turn to put in the work. (General you, not you-the-anon, of course.))

An analogy, if that still doesn’t quite land for you:

Consider, for a moment, the transgender community. I am aware this is a dangerous thing to say, but bear with me. Obvious CW for hypothetical transphobia up ahead is obvious.

Consider if you were part of the trans community (I don’t know if you are or not), having finally found a word to explain why you feel the way you do about yourself, why your experiences don’t seem to match up with those of everyone else around you. Having found a community, a home, full of other people like you, people you never would have met if not for words like “transgender” and “gender dysphoria/euphoria” that were created specifically to describe your experiences.

Now consider if people suddenly stumbled across your community for the first time who were not trans themselves. They see community jokes and lighthearted posts out of context, because Tumblr and Twitter aren’t exactly conducive to making sure people find the Transgender 101 information posts first. They don’t bother to do further research, assuming they understand: ah, these people like to crossdress! They like to pretend they’re a different gender! This seems like a fun hobby, I want in!

They begin to post things like this. They post photos of them crossdressing and caption them “hi, I’m [name], and I trans men!” and things of the like. Suddenly the concept of “transing for fun” seems to be everywhere - and it’s not at all what being trans actually is, but these people either don’t know or don’t care. When actual trans people try to politely correct them, they’re accused of “gatekeeping” - and to be clear, this is not “nonbinary people aren’t real,” it’s “transgender means you identify as a gender other than the one you were assigned at birth, and you’re self-identifying as the gender you were assigned at birth 100% and telling us this is just a fun hobby for you, therefore you’re not trans, you’re crossdressing or doing drag or being GNC. That’s fine, but it’s not being trans - you have other words to describe that, use those.”

(Yes, I am aware these things have a history with the trans community - please just ignore that for the sake of the analogy and bear with me on the slightly simplified version of this. “Kinning for fun” does not have that same history with the otherkin community.)

...And then the response to those attempted corrections, in some corners, turns into “wait, you ACTUALLY think you’re another gender? idk that sounds pretty unhealthy, maybe you should see a psychologist or something :\” and “you’re taking this too seriously.”

I imagine, in this hypothetical scenario, you’d also be pretty fuckin peeved.

(Obviously, in this hypothetical scenario, systematic transphobia would be an issue as well, which isn’t the case for otherkin - again, you’re gonna have to bear with me on the simplification for sake of analogy there.)

(EDIT: this is not an anti-MOGAI/exclusionist argument, this is “you’re literally telling me you don’t fit the definition,” explanation on that here)

The long version, which is probably still worth reading if you have the time and energy:

Otherkinity is... pretty core to who I am, who we as a group of individuals are. We live with being otherkin on a daily basis. Many of us spent a long time feeling different and disconnected and not understanding why until we found the otherkin community. Even people like me, who don’t share that experience and still had social connection - I’ve still had to live with weird differences that I had to learn to mask when necessary; instincts that don’t line up with human society well, feeling body parts that weren’t there and that no one else ever seemed to have, things that other kids grew out of because it was just make-believe for them and I... didn’t, because it was never make-believe for me to begin with. Oh, sure, I played make-believe too - I played warrior cats and house and all those things with the other kids, but there were things that weren’t play-pretend for me too. I didn’t have an explanation for it for a long time - it was just how I was, I was weird, and fortunately for me personally I was okay with that (many of those with species dysphoria or more trouble connecting with humans have more problems from that than I did).

And then I found the word “otherkin.” And suddenly everything fell into place, and I had an explanation for the things I’d been experiencing, and there were other people like me. Something I’d assumed didn’t exist. I found others who shared my unique experiences, who were talking about how to cope with the instinct to growl or snap jaws at people instead of expressing annoyance in a human way instead of just saying “that’s weird, don’t do that”, who were talking about dealing with phantom wings and tails, who understood me. I wasn’t weird, I wasn’t broken, I was exactly what one would expect from a dragon living in human skin. I found an explanation for myself. I found a home.

That is why otherkinity matters - it is who we are, it’s not something we can walk away from (certainly not most of us, anyway), and it’s something many of us need the support of the community to help deal with on a daily basis. Being a nonhuman in human society isn’t always easy, but it’s not something we can just magically stop being - it’s core to who we are, we (generally) didn’t choose to be this way, and we (generally) can’t choose to stop. Which is fine - the vast majority of us can cope with it just fine, with a little advice and help and space to be our authentic selves in. We found each other, we built this community from the ground up to make a space and words to make finding each other easier - or possible at all.

Thus we come to the second half of our story.

It was only a couple of years ago that the “kin for fun” trend started getting big. It had existed before that, of course, but it only started going mainstream two, maybe three years ago, from what I can tell. Suddenly people were treating “kin” like it meant relating to, projecting onto, roleplaying as, or just really really liking a character or thing - not being that thing, which is what it actually means. Not long after that, it became hard to tell whether someone saying “I kin this” meant they were that thing, that they were actually part of our community - or that they really really liked that thing and either didn’t know or couldn’t be bothered to learn that that wasn’t the case for us.

Not long after that, it became relatively commonplace to hear phrases like “otherkin are ruining kinning!!” and “you’re taking this too seriously” and “idk, if it’s that serious for you that sounds unhealthy. maybe you should get some help :\” (all directly quoted, or as exactly quoted as I can remember, from things KFF people have said to me or people I know).

It is a special kind of hell, I think, to be told “you’re taking this too seriously, that’s unhealthy” by people who are taking words created to describe your experiences, not theirs, and misusing them to mean something that you do for fun on a weekend instead of something that’s intrinsic to your being.

Perhaps more importantly, like I’ve said, it’s making it almost impossible to know whether someone who says “I kin [x]” is actually ‘kin or if they’re misusing our words to mean something else entirely. The entire point of words is to communicate ideas, and once you start misusing words to mean something totally different than what they actually mean, that communication falls apart and suddenly we might as well not have those words at all. Especially when the community is small enough and obscure enough that we’re starting to be outnumbered by the misinformation. We’re being run out of our own words, words we created to describe our experiences specifically - because we’re a small community that the wider internet can easily drown out by sheer numbers of people who either don’t know any better or don’t care to learn.

That’s the harm it does - the harm it is doing, right now. That’s why it’s important enough to post about. That’s why it matters - because we’re fighting desperately to hang onto our own words so that others like us can actually find us. Because we’re seeing young nonhumans go “this isn’t a kin, I actually am this” and screaming “No, I’m so sorry that this is what the misinformation has done to you, that’s exactly what otherkin means, you have a place here, please don’t let these non-’kin misusing our words drive you away from the very community you’re looking for and that you belong in.” Because we can’t even communicate effectively about our own experiences anymore except in semi-closed spaces like Discord servers and forums (and the number of Discord servers overrun with KFF people is absurd).

......This got very long. Hopefully it at least explained why it matters so much to me and others a bit better ^^; Thanks for hearing me out, and thank you again for looking into this beyond your initial knee-jerk reaction - I really do appreciate it.

(For further reading, if that text wall didn’t blow you out of the water completely, I recommend my “kin for fun” tag, which has more posts like this in both short and long form.)

[panharmonium]

in-progress naruto thoughts: volcanic edition

in other words: i’m watching again!

it’s been awhile since I did one of these, but we’re back in it now and this time we’re going all the way to the end, so!

spoiler disclaimer as always: i literally have like 40 episodes of this 750-episode show left to go, and i’ve still managed to stay miraculously unspoiled for everything, so at this point, i’m just asking that people don’t comment on this post (unless you’re @dreamersscape, in which case you can go for it, because i trust you XD).  for everyone else, i’d like to finish my watch on my own, and then we can talk about this show all day once i’m done!  thank you! :D

anyway, here’s a brief summary of how it’s going:

lava: *appears*

kakashi, literally and metaphorically hanging on by a thread:

- anyway.  that’s where we’re at.

- my primary reaction to what i’ve seen so far is just uhhhhhhhhhhhh.  what is going on lmao.  like literally WHAT.  is HAPPENING.    

- what i mean is that it is bonkers writing to introduce a brand new villain and ten metric tons of new backstory two seconds before the end of your 750 episode show

- (by “bonkers” i mean Not Super Good, in case that wasn’t clear)

- but whatever, okay, this is naruto; i’m rolling with it.  it’s fine.  this is what we’re doing now.  let’s do it.

mutterings:

- madara canNOT have gone out like that!!!!!  tell me that wasn’t it!!!!!  (don’t tell me; i don’t want to know, but - )  THAT WAS NOT ENOUGH OF AN ENDING FOR SOMEONE WITH THAT MUCH PRESENCE!  fingers crossed that we see him again.

- i’ve said this pretty much every time i’ve written one of these things ever since we made it past like S3 of shippuden (and with the exception of S10), but this show really couldn’t care less about sakura.  they really just don’t give a good goddamn about her.  how could they start off SO STRONG with her at the beginning of shippuden and then just let it degenerate into this?  they keep giving her these isolated moments where they're like “she’s not gonna be left behind anymore!  she’s on equal footing with the boys; they’re a team and all of them are equally competent and important!”, but it’s all just lip service, because right after they give her those scenes, they shove her onto the sidelines to sit helplessly by and watch while naruto and sasuke Do Things.  i should be used to it by now, but it still makes me want to scream.

- ^ just in general, i’m waiting to see whether the show ever fully sorts out its messaging on this front, because one second they’re having naruto say things like “we’re a team and we need to act like it!  team 7 needs to work together if we want to take madara down!” aka, “ALL OF US TOGETHER are integral in order for us to succeed,” which is the message the show has been trying to communicate since the beginning and precisely the thing that itachi said to naruto a little while back (however powerful you are, don’t try to take on everything by yourself, because if you do, you will surely fail) - but then it also turns around and knocks kakashi and sakura out of commission in order to frame naruto and sasuke as the only ones who can do anything significantly useful.  i’m not gonna really complain about this until after i see how everything shakes out in the end, because i know this trend has bugged me before and they’ve course-corrected in the past, but it’s just something that’s on my mind.

- naruto can fly.  because apparently what he needed was yet another superpower *sigh*

other thoughts:

- we started our watch with the itachi flashback episodes, and while they kind of devolved into filler stuff at the end, the first four or so were SO GOOD.  that scene where itachi is sitting out on the engawa and crying because a friend of his died, and little sasuke, who’s too young to understand, is just crawling around on his lap and giving him a hug DESTROYED ME.

- i already wrote up a whole separate thing about kakashi putting team 7 under sasuke’s command, because i could not have kept my mouth shut about that under any circumstances, so i won’t go into it too much here, but suffice to say that every time kakashi has opened his mouth to talk to sasuke today he’s knocked it out of the park.  sasuke tells kakashi to shut up and kakashi never rises to the bait; he stays so centered and calm and so full of - i don’t know, some kind of acceptance, i think, and he never blinks at sasuke’s pushing and he just says “you’re right.  there’s nothing i can do right now” and he gives sasuke command of the team, not just because it is in fact the right strategic move but also because he’s trying to say something to sasuke about who he believes sasuke to be.  ‘i trust you (still).  i believe in you (still).’  the man is batting a thousand under the most unfavorable circumstances imaginable, and i don’t know how he manages it.  talking to sasuke is like navigating a minefield and yet somehow kakashi keeps carefully setting his feet down in all the right places and i just can’t wait to see the point where he finally steps out onto the opposite side and is like “all right, here we are.  what next?”

- honestly kudos to naruto in this scene too actually because even though he pitches a fit when kakashi says sasuke should lead the team (“WHAT?  do you seriously think he’s any better at strategizing than you or sakura?  i REALLY doubt it’), he actually then immediately follows it up with “although...he might be better than me,” and that was just hilarious.  that is the most self-aware thing naruto has ever said.  i’m proud of him XD

- i did not expect to laugh this close to the end but kiba’s tsukuyomi vision of becoming hokage and declaring national dog day and ordering everybody to get a dog was so fucking funny.  i love him.

- shikamaru and sai’s visions, however, stomped on my heart.  my sister and i both started groaning in pain the minute shikamaru saw his dad and his mom and asuma and kurenai and the baby...god almighty.  

- i felt a similar degree of emotional distress over kakashi’s reaction when an unconscious, zetsu-less obito falls off madara’s transforming body and hits the ground...and the way kakashi is still worriedly looking over his shoulder to check on obito even when a brand new antagonist has appeared....and how kakashi saves obito from being incinerated even though he’s already scrambling to save sakura and himself, and even though obito is going to die anyway (and even though he might already be dead - as far as kakashi knows he might be rescuing a corpse)...sorry to be so rough with you, obito...i’m done, folks.  i cannot take it.

- i don’t think obito’s dead yet, though, and i’m waiting to see what happens when he wakes up.  obito has kept one eye closed ever since reappearing from timespace, but i remain pretty convinced that he actually has both of his sharingan right now, because after madara took obito’s rinnegan away, obito reappeared with his sharingan on the wrong side, aka the side where the rinnegan gap should have been.  i can’t imagine madara would just move obito’s remaining sharingan to the opposite side of his head for kicks, so unless the animators forgot which side obito’s rinnegan was on, i suspect madara may have discarded kakashi’s eye by sticking it back where it belonged.  

...i’ve honestly been wondering from the moment when madara stole kakashi’s sharingan whether we might see one more ocular transfer before this is over, and given the configuration of things right now, this is definitely still on my mind.

- we left off in the middle of all the ponderous kaguya backstory...again, i’m not going to spend time griping about it; i don’t have a problem with the story in and of itself so much as the fact that it doesn’t feel particularly effective to introduce it so late in the game, but it’s no big deal; i’m rolling with it.

- i WILL say that i sure didn’t love seeing her magical tree suck the life out of people!!!  sure didn’t appreciate that one bit!  sure don’t like thinking about everybody who’s hooked up to it now, or certain people who’ve been hooked up to it longer than others!

parting shot:

- i wish this show hadn’t killed neji.  if they hadn’t done that, i would still believe that they knew what they were doing, and i would never even be considering the possibility that they might make some kind of narratively wrong, thematically inappropriate mistake.  it literally would never have occurred to me, based on the natural progression of the story we’ve been shown.  but now i don’t trust them, so.  i live in a perpetual state of fear.

re-inserting spoiler disclaimer for anyone who got to this point and forgot that i asked people not to comment on this: i literally have like 40 episodes of this 750-episode show left to go, and i’ve still managed to stay miraculously unspoiled for everything, so at this point, i’m just asking that people don’t comment on this post.  i’d like to finish my watch on my own, and then we can talk about this show all day once i’m done!  thank you! :D

[whileyoureinschoolidothisallday]

okay so idk if y’all have heard but somebody has gotten the hidden lyrics in Big Shot the clearest they’ve ever been and after listening, I have thoughts.

These are lyrics I can make out to make it easier for y’all:

“I think he's/it's coming for me, answer the phone I can't explain until you're all alone It pulls the strings and makes them ring Until your heart (turns red?) I think he's/it's coming for me, answer the phone I can't explain until you're all alone Pull the strings and Pull the strings and TELL ME WHAT YOU -----”

I know a lot of people have thoughts about what the missing lines are, but I still can’t make it out or match what they suggest, so I’m leaving them blank for now. Everything else I think is pretty clear though.

Based on the implications of these lyrics, I personally think this is talking about the Player. Or at the very least, whoever hijacked our communications with Gaster in the beginning. The reason I think this is because of the purposeful lack of pronouns. ‘It pulls the strings and makes them ring’. ‘It’s coming for me.’ As far as we know, Gaster uses he pronouns. Kris for sure uses they. We’re avoiding a gender marker for a reason, and we’re using a type of pronoun that typically brings to mind something non-human or otherworldly/beyond human comprehension. Whatever Spamton is talking about, he’s perceiving it as some kind of entity, which would make sense with the religious imagery surrounding him heavily at the end. Who else fits in a God like role or literally ‘pulls the strings’ but us and the thing that ripped our control away at the start? The other reason is because of the line, ‘I can’t explain until you’re all alone’. There are multiple instances where not only Spamton insists on meeting him alone, but Ralsei also has now done something twice that separated our perception from Kris’s. And when we came back, he seemed to be explaining something to Kris.

Here’s what I think.....

I think Spamton is trying to send a message to Kris through these lyrics, using bits and pieces of an old conversation he had with someone else (maybe Mike???)

I think he’s trying to warn them about something 

I think the lyrics were so deep fried so that WE couldn’t understand it, but Kris (and potentially the rest of the party) could

I think what people have been saying about Spamton’s “deal” with Kris is correct, and how we don’t ever get to hear what it is specifically because it’s to do with getting freedom in exchange for freedom

This is getting a little out there, but I don’t think Spamton does his glitch speak accidentally. I think it’s to encrypt what he’s saying so the Entity can’t understand him. Especially when it comes to [hyperlink blocked]. It’d be pretty sick if Spamton was aware we can only learn info from text, and speaks what this word is to Kris but blocks it from the Player’s perception. We already know Kris does things (besides rip out their soul) to project their true will over the Player’s decisions, so if Spamton is truly in the same boat, perhaps this is his way of doing the same thing

In theory, he’d stop if Kris ever got the chance to truly be alone with him. ‘I can’t explain until you’re all alone’

Unfortunately, I don’t think Kris completely understands the glitch speak either, as they seem pretty unsettled by Spamton’s behavior the whole time

If this is correct, it means the Entity can perceive the world through Spamton like we can with Kris, to the point where he doesn’t feel comfortable talking openly with anyone until they can guarantee the Other presence is gone. Or, at the very least, it means the Entity is omnipresent, but that would make me think it’s Gaster again, since it’s already been canonically established that he’s always listening (’It’s rude to talk about someone who’s listening’)

This would also explain why, when he started talking out of turn about the Knight, Spamton seemed to get punished by Something and then immediately switched to an ad

I think it’s clear Spamton is terrified of the Entity and believes it will seriously harm him, if it hasn’t already 

Side Note: Is this why Spamton is afraid of Jevil?????????? Was he originally siding more with the Entity and perhaps acting like an assassin or hitman for the Entity against the followers that tried to back out and he was threatening him on behalf of their boss????????? And that’s perhaps why Jevil thinks locking himself away is true freedom, cause the Entity can’t get him where he is? (Even more so now that he’s an item for us to use?)

I don’t think Kris is so afraid at the end of the fight because they’re afraid that they’ll die without the Player. I think they were afraid because, assuming all of this is correct, Spamton is a literal example of what’s gonna happen to them if they can’t find a way to break the Player’s control. Spamton and Kris are in the same situation. He was the only one who truly understood, and Kris honestly thought this could be the way out. Once Spamton was free, they would be free. But that didn’t happen, so they’re right back where they started.

I think this is why Kris rips out their soul. One of two things is happening: One, the Dual-Possession theory is true and Kris is being controlled by us and Something Else. The Something Else is ripping out the soul, because if we can’t ACT or perceive, then neither can Kris, and it’s completely free to do whatever it wants. Or Two, Kris is aware that the Entity is using the Player to gain information and manipulate the world, and rips out their soul when they want to do something without the Entity’s interference, similar to Spamton’s glitch speak.

I do not think Kris is the Knight now. Whoever they are, they are much, much more callous than Kris if this is what they’re doing to Spamton.

I think this is all why Kris tries to avoid the Player learning anything about Asriel, like covering their eyes when looking at his room. They’re trying to protect him from the Entity.

Finally, I do not think we the Player are the Big Bad. But I do think we’re unwittingly helping the Big Bad, and all the self-aware characters are aware of it and avoid us accordingly.

---------------------------------------------

Okay so humor me a bit and let me paint a picture for you to further justify this theory:

You have an Addison Spamton, extremely down on his luck. He is somehow perceived and gets a phone call from Someone With Determination. They offer help. They’ll use Spamton’s body and tell him what choices to make, and he gets to make off with the benefits. And no, of course not, there’s no extra charge, they really just wanna help out a new friend =)

So Spamton agrees. Gets rich and famous because the voice in his head knows all the good choices somehow. But then they fight. Maybe Spamton wants to make his own way for once. He doesn’t want to be a puppet anymore. Or maybe it’s even more cocky like ‘What do I need YOU for? I’m a big shot now!”. So, the hubris made the Entity take him down a couple pegs. It goes completely silent. And without their guidance...all the gains go to shit. Spamton couldn’t do shit by himself. He loses everything. No matter how much he begged and prayed, the Entity ignored him. Maybe a hitman gets sent to collect debts one way or another. But either way, the fact remained that he would be the Entity’s bitch forever, per the contract. He just needed to find a way out...before they started talking again.

.....

..........

.................

Sorry this got so long but let me know what you think!!!!!! I might add more later cause I’m tired and keep forgetting things I wanna say!!!!!!!

[fahshionable]

Astro Notes pt. 3

For libra the scales are hardly EVER balanced. Achieving a sense of stability within themselves and their relationship with others is incredibly difficult because often times those with libra placements feel like they need to go outside themselves to get what they need when they really need to go within. For example, happiness. A libra will go outside themselves and look for happiness through connection with others which in turn is where the stigma of codependency comes from. However, this dynamic usually fosters people pleasing behaviors which in turn leaves them feeling not only drained but codependent. They are usually unaware of their codependent behaviors and at times will ignore anyone’s attempts to point it out because they don’t want to see this reality. Because libras search for peace and balance outside of themselves, they continuously put themselves in a position to never get it because this is unstable. Relationships fluctuate and come and go so while a sense of balance may be felt within connection it is almost always temporary and the libra is forever reeling from this. Occasionally the scale will tip the opposite way and the libra will move to the other side, choosing to forgo connection as they believe that is how they will maintain their inner peace and harmony (which usually comes about from experiencing failed connections instead of positive ones or more likely the realization that a connection will never keep them happy in the long term anyway). They ultimately go blind to the true positive and necessary course of action (yet again) and do everything other than go within which leads to a whole other series of consequences within itself.

Geminis talk very fast because often they have experiences of no one listening. The underdeveloped ones often feel the need to validate their intelligence through conversation because growing up they never felt like their mind was of much benefit anyway. There is always a sense of inner defiency there even if the Gemini is not aware of it. Most Gemini’s are also quick to fall into the trap of debate especially when it comes to things such as politics etc because they feel the need to prove their knowledge when the offer is handed to them. They will rarely decline.

I find that Leo’s, especially Leo suns often suffer from social anxiety especially in childhood. (This actually correlated to the phenomena that you grow into your sun sign as well). While Leos do like attention they often feel like they are undeserving of it due to insecurities. They will fantasize and get upset about not having it and then will shrivel when the opportunity is given. Of course, this is not always true and everyone is different but is very widely seen that confidence comes with age and many young Leos often look like wounded lions in their younger ages.

Although Capricorn’s don’t typically have luck in regards to home and family, they often have much success in the public and with work especially. I’ve noticed that many Cap suns/risings don’t have a hard time establishing a reliable, well liked presence among others. It is usually easy for them to gain a positive opinion from the public and I would even go as far to say that Capricorn is the earth version of a Pisces in regards to their capability to establish a chameleon like behavior. They are very good at reading the room and adjusting themselves and they excel in networking because they see their image as being very important. They like to succeed.

Pisces/libra placements can make someone codependent

Sun/stellium in the 7th house can also make someone codependent

Undevloped Pisces moons/venus/dominants often lose their power through unhealthy relationships. May enter relationships where they know the other person isn’t good for them but love them so much that they want to “fix” them. Should avoid people who display red flags and instead try to find someone who is actually HEALTHY for them/their equal and can inspire them to become a better person.

This is arguable but I honestly feel like Capricorn moons are just as emotional as Pisces moons they just don’t express it. Often times they get so lost in their emotions especially when they are by themselves and an underveloped Capricorn is almost always on the brink of losing their mind.

Capricorn moons HATE crying in public. They are the type to lie and say they’re not crying.

Those with Virgo midheavens (sag risings) often go through a lot when figuring out what they want to do. It’s very easy for them to feel lost in the world and for them to switch jobs/majors/ideas constantly until they feel like they’ve found something their passionate about. If they’re unsure of what they’re doing they will feel very uneasy.

Sag risings have a touch of wanderlust to them. Much like Pluto in Sagittarius, having this placement kind of gives you a feeling of always wanting to explore, but it somehow always being out of reach. Sag risings never quite feel like they’ve seen enough or have done enough and it can eat them up inside.

Virgo moons always have this consistent nagging feeling that they need to get their life together. Listen. You don’t need to constantly think about your life. I promise you’re fine. Sit down and drink some juice. Let yourself relax and have fun. Contrary to popular belief, letting yourself relax and unwind is productive.

Aries moons usually exercise to release negative energy/emotions

I’ve found that people with a lot of gemini placements also like to workout/do weightlifting a lot as well. Not sure if there’s a correlation but just something I’ve noticed.

You usually attract people that have the same element as your rising sign.

For example, if you are a Gemini rising you will attract and be attracted to other air risings because at first glance they will remind you of yourself.

From what I’ve noticed, Scorpio risings like to focus on the eyes/wear heavy eye makeup when they do their makeup and usually the most prominent/interesting part of their face is their nose. A lot of Scorpio risings have an interesting nose that stands out for some reason.

TW!! Drugs!!

Sags like to do drugs💊

A Pisces favorite drug of choice is usually alcohol

Taurus/Pisces can often feel VERY dumb throughout life. Sometimes it’s harder for them to process things as fast as others and some things just don’t “click” as quickly.

You either hate or love Leo moons.

Gemini dominant people LOVE people that catch their eye. If you can keep their attention and can always be interesting/make them laugh......they will love you forever.

Virgos are so smart I love you guys sm!🥺Everyone always says you guys are know at alls but you’re not you guys REALLY just know everything. I know so many Virgos where their main goal is to absorb information and literally become as knowledgeable/informed on things as they can. You all are the first to correct someone when they’re wrong because you truly always know what you’re talking about and want people to have their facts straight.

Strangely.......many Aquarius suns are attracted to/find themselves in positions within the military.....

If you have a planet in the 10th house it can give more insight in to what type of job you’d want/need

For example: Someone with their moon in the 10th might NEED for their job to emotionally fulfilling.

If you’re unhappy with your day to day routines/overall daily structure in life, look to your 6H to what you should aspire to as this is what the 6H rules.

From what I’ve noticed, cancer Mars men really the need the green light that you like them to really be able to move forward and flirt confidently. (Of course this can be altered with other placements)

Pisces Mars women are usually submissive in bed and they usually attract dominant lovers

For transits, look at whatever house you have that planet in and it will give you more insight into how that transit will be affecting you personally.

For example: 1st house (self, identity) 2nd house (money, possessions) 3rd house (communication) etc