#or if this is jim being super dramatic about Literally Nothing

[queen-thinky-thoughts]

Freddie said once or twice that he actually liked to be alone sometimes. I think maybe that's what worked with Mary - he could be alone and quiet with her because she was quiet too, and her presence was peaceful and calming (my speculations of course), so he could rest from his crazy stage life and alllow her to take care of him and just be there. But i also think that she could be open with him more than with anyone else, and he could give her comfort and care too.

Yes, I think you're on to something. I know Freddie had an urge to sometimes retreat, but at the same time he was really very bad at being alone for any length of time. (He wanted someone by his side, whether that was a girlfriend who mothered him, flatmates early on, a boyfriend who loved him or even a personal assistant who was at his disposal almost every minute of the day.) So I think what he actually wanted was to be was alone, together. And you may well be right that he found it easy to be at peace/quiet with Mary.

You know, I think there's actually a parallel here between his relationship with Jim and his relationship with Mary. Those two or wildly different people, of course, but the one thing they have in common, is that I think they both - in their own ways - "de-escalated" Freddie.

Jim just did not engage in his dramatic antics and I speculate that neither did Mary, really. I think here are two people who grounded him, and that was why those relationships worked, why he needed them.

Sometimes uneventful can be 'peaceful', sometimes people stay in relationships for a long time, not because they are happily in love, but because everything is on a base level of 'okay'. It's fine. Things work, you are safe, you appreciate your partner and it's easier not to question whether either of you is actually happy. This is complete conjecture, but I see something of that vein in Mary's and Freddie's relationship.

I will go further and say that I have a theory (again, based on nothing but speculation) that some of the 'red flag - there's something wrong here' aspects of their relationship worked for Mary. I've often wondered about the sex, which I assume they had in the beginning, and I don't think they really had anymore after a while (although we don't really know this). I am, again, thinking of a 15-year-old entering what was literally an adult woman's life. I think of the implications of that, and I cannot for the life of me imagine that whatever Mary's experiences were, before Freddie - and she was only 19 when they started going out - I can't imagine that her experiences with men were super positive. They might have been. But given the circumstances, I think it's highly unlikely. I'm trying to say that the lack of a sex life may have been kind of a relief to both of them.

Anyway, all that aside, I definitely do think that they were able to be comfortable with each other - to some degree. And they did open up to each other - to some degree. I think that degree was the exact degree to which Mary could allow herself to be emotionally close to somebody. It was a fair bit less than Freddie had opened up previously, to Rosemary, so it isn't as if he wasn't capable of it. But with Mary, he kept such a big part of himself completely secret for such a long time. I don't know, it just really makes me think, because at all times in his life it's like Freddie was desperate to tell anyone who would listen, anyone who asked, that he was gay. I think she never asked, and I think there's equally much she probably never told.

[mego42]

I know it’s the writers fault, and I feel like this season rio is a different person than seasons 1,2 and even 3. But if I ignore my opinions on the writers and the odd choices they’ve made for him, and just watch the show as a normal viewer, rio is fucking pissing me off. Like all he had to do was tell Beth she was being followed. He made the mess. And he’s such a dick. Like at this point kill her or don’t. But this whole “Rio can’t hurt Beth/rio has love for her/brio love triangle” thing? Like nah I’m not seeing it. He’s being literally stupid for no reason.

i'm v sorry he's pissing you off and you’re super entitled to feel that way! but tbh, personally i don't totally agree that he's different or that he's being stupid for no reason (though, if you're not buying into the idea that he's genuinely into beth than yeah, i can v much see why you would feel that way, i think that's a p significant puzzle piece). 

imo, the primary difference between the rio of s4 and the rio of previous seasons isn't in the character, but how much more context/insight/backstory we're getting for him. we’ve seen bits and pieces before, but they’ve been very sporadic (something that’s been a p consistent complaint since i joined the fandom) and i think s4 has really dug into shading rio’s character and backstory in with much more detail and depth than we’ve seen so far. i also think the show's p steadily developed the idea that he has some degree of genuine feeling for beth (and that they make him act rashly and stupidly) along the same pace.

putting the rest of this below the cut bc it got long and should you continue, do so with the caveat that i’m not here to change anyone’s mind, i’m just breaking down why i disagree.

in s1, rio was a p one-dimensional character (like, on paper he's basically a walking first page google search result for "mexican gang banger stereotypes") and it's a testament to how much manny brought to his performance and the way he sparks with his scene partners (particularly christina and jim) that he came across so engagingly and elevated the character far enough that people so easily overlook that. over the course of s2, they peeled back the curtain a little bit and rounded him out more in ways that (imo and ymmv) really efficiently counteracted that stereotypical portrayal like introducing marcus, being softer with beth, and the different faceted glimpses of him we saw through his personal and business spaces (the club, his loft and bar). in terms of his feelings, while a lot of the softness with beth was him working an angle, we still caught glimpses that hinted at something real developing in his reactions to her that either served no purpose for keeping her in line (the way the camera lingered on his face falling in 209 after beth had turned away and couldn't see him) or, most significantly imo, doing things for her that actively undermined his authority (retrieving!!!!!!!! the!!!!!!!!!! dubby!!!!!!!!!!!!).

and speaking of 209, we also saw him react in increasingly more irrational and outlandish ways (ignoring her calls/texts about the fbi closing in on a business he’s somewhat tied up in, sending her body parts in the mail, kidnapping her) in reaction to beth quitting him, underscoring both the idea that 209 (and beth) meant something to him and that he gets real dramatic and questionably intelligent when he’s in his feelings. 

there's nothing to really say any of this was a swerve from s1 bc s1 left p much everything on the table. s3 built that out a bit more both in terms of what we know about him (thinking specifically of fitz's rundown of what he gets up to when beth's not around) and his feelings for beth (how he handled the wake of 213 was, uh, illuminating and it’s been made even more illuminating with the context s4 added with nick’s involvement in rio’s business and the fact that nick knew nothing about lucy).

s4, to me, is building on all of that (see the above comment about the new layer of context to lucy and repeat, for one). we’ve met his family (who they’ve already hinted he’s very close to through the photos in his loft), we’ve found out how he got involved in crime in the first place (and i've seen criticism of the tragedy aspect of it and how that disproportionately applies to characters of color and that’s super valid, though i do think there’d also be a lot of valid criticism if they’d gone the opposite route and written rio as knowingly and gleefully deciding to be a criminal. the show kind of put itself in an impossible position there, but that’s something that goes back to s1 and the entire concept of his character. i’m not saying there isn’t a nuanced way to tell this story but, i don’t think anyone in the fandom would argue the gg team doesn’t often do so well with narrowly threaded needles, hahaha), and we’ve also seen that rio’s got some kind of big, complicated feelings for beth that result in him making moves and choices that both are and aren’t in his best interest/at her expense and the dichotomy is sloppy bc, as established, those kinds of feelings make rio sloppy. 

honestly, i think one of the biggest reasons rio’s deepening characterization is so controversial is bc by holding off for so long (a choice that i admire conceptually from a storytelling angle—keeping him shrouded in mystery keeps the audience firmly rooted in the girls’ POVs which is where they want us to be—but v understand how it hasn’t worked for a lot of people and do think they’ve fumbled it at a couple of key steps), it allowed people to sort of choose their own rio and now that the show’s committing to their vision, it’s demolishing a lot of people’s personal versions and that sucks! if the show ever canonically says rio and mick haven’t been friends since they were kids, i, for one, am going to elect to ignore it bc FALSE!!!!!! but this phenomenon is also, you know, part of watching tv. someone else writes it, you ultimately have no say in it, you can really only decide for yourself when it no longer sparks joy enough that it’s a dealbreaker and you walk. 

BUT yeah, i guess to wrap it all up, i do think s4 rio tracks with and has been directly built on the rios that have come before, but also think that accepting that he has big messy feelings for beth is a crucial part in understanding the choices he’s making, and if that’s not working for you, i don’t see this trajectory ultimately being v satisfying bc uh, yeah, i think it’s only going to get exponentially messier as we go. 

[grumpydevilfellow]

Major Movie Spoilers

So I just finished the movie that ends the Trollhunters series aka Trollhunters: Rise of the Titans. Holy moly wow this movie. The only good thing it had going for it was animation and getting to see the favs I’d grown emotionally attached to. Writing however? Bruh... So the original Tales of Arcadia series is good, but it has this problem of just being PLOT PLOT PLOT, that barely anything else gets squeezed in. You feel like you’re on a rollercoaster ride of exposition because everything hits hard, hits fast, and the moment you think “wow we can finally settle down a bit and idk... introduce some CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT” the latest fucking problem launches into you like a bowling ball shot through a window and then you’re back to the PLOT PLOT PLOT routine.

Rise of the Titans takes that formula of PLOT PLOT PLOT, multiplies it x20, and THEN fills said plot with SEVERAL MAJOR inconsistencies. And no I’m not talking angry, over-dramatic, nerd rant inconsistencies like Argh’s fur accidentally being red instead of green for one scene. (note this doesn’t actually happen) I’m talking inconsistencies that break the entire fucking movie.

Why did Jim burn his hand with the horngazel when Toby is standing right there with gloves on to pick up the hot thing? Why did Claire need a horngazel to leave when Jim is literally in the outside world as an emotional anchor? Why did Dragon Cat and Dragon Dad assume they’re trapped in Asian Trollmarket forever when Claire can literally use them as an emotional anchor for her shadow magic? 

And before yall say “But you need a horngazel to leave/get in Trollmarket” no you don’t. Claire literally portal’d her friends and a shiton of trolls out of Trollmarket and into the human world. Again, that was a literal major plot point that the movie ignores. All you needed was an anchor; and speaking of Claire anchors, what happened to Notenrique!? Where are all the liberated babies??? Why did Toby claim he never climbed a rope for gym class as some kind of major movie plot point when he’s literally done that in previous episodes of Trollhunters? Why did Jim ask Stuart, a guy I haven’t seen Jim interact with once, to fix the amulet when Krel is the one who BUILT IT and is the alien super genius of the team?? Like what did they need him there or something? He didn’t do shit. What could he have done??? AND IF THEY HAD A FUCKING MAGIC TURN OFF MACHINE WHY THE ABSOLUTE FUCK DID THEY JUST ATTEMPT IT ONCE AND THEN LIKE NEVER AGAIN UNTIL THE VERY END OF THE MOVIE!?

Literally all of this for nothing. I don’t even KNOW what Nomura was attempting to accomplish besides dying pointlessly, Strickler as well if I’m being real. Like the Titan wasn’t even attacking the castle, it still had several thousand miles to go before reaching it’s destination. It was literally just slowly fucking walking away and Strickler is like, welp time to suicide bomb. Clearly didn’t have to time to think about or do something better.

Bruh, and Toby, oh my god poor Toby. After all the shit he has done, this movie made him a joke. The railcar brake scene? That shit hurt it was so bad how lame they made Toby from the very beginning of the movie to the point of being excited over finding a dirty penny on the fucking ground. I hate this shit man. And the dying pointlessly thing? A 3rd pointless death but this time it’s because “Toby did something right for once in an explosion of bravery and valor” or some bullshit like that. He could’ve literally just asked his friends to help with his plan of DUH USE THE FUCKING MAGIC TURN OFF MACHINE and like no one would’ve died.

And like I’ve shat on Tales of Arcadia/Trollhunters writing for this entire post, but I REALLY NEED TO POINT OUT, that I KNEW BEFORE EVEN WIZARDS HIT THE RELEASE DATE back in 2019, that time travel was gonna be the end all solution that fixed everything. I fucking knew that shit was gonna happen. I went into this movie COMPLETELY BLIND outside the first trailer knowing that shit was gonna happen. I’m not even disappointed because I didn’t care. What? You think I’m expecting to be surprised by good writing at this point? No. I was BANKING on them doing something so predictable for one and ONLY one reason. Because that means MY BOY DRAAL CAN COME BACK! And when they’re going over the time travel plans and Blinky goes “Yeah you can go back in time and bring back all of our friends”, while he lists all the loved ones that died, he doesn’t even fucking MENTION Draal. I’m so done with this movie bro.

The only saving grace this movie has is the ending of what if better writing, you get to see your favs again that died, oh and Toby ( a chubby character) is no longer the butt of fatphobic jokes, but actually the protagonist of the series and Trollhunter now. I mean we’re not actually going to do any of that because the series is ending forever, but what if right? Maybe if you really hype this series and give us more money/ratings we will. (we won’t)

The way this movie comes off is as if the writers wanted to make it a certain way, but the producers were like “No do it THIS way” even though their way made no fucking sense and the writers were like “Fine!” and then they slapped this shit together and barely bothered even trying to fix the inconsistencies the producers had created with their poor decisions cuz they knew everyone was closing shop anyways and the series was ending. Ultimately the writing for this movie felt rushed, choppy, and just plain bad and no amount of absolute steller animation can fix that surprisingly even when the ENTIRE MOVIE is stellar animation. So thanks Rise of the Titans for proving that point.

[percontaion-points]

Raven King chapter 6

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions.

Chapter 6

Nicky was bringing Jim from his improv class...

I thought Nicky had a long-term boyfriend?

Well, if he did, he probably doesn't anymore. Not with all of Nicky's jokes about cheating and him taking some rando to the big dinner.

Blackwell was slow to appear in the distance, but it didn't take long to spot the two stadiums. The football and Exy stadium were on opposite sides of the campus like massive bookends.

I'm still having a really difficult time swallowing that society completely shifted because of a sport invented some 30 years earlier.

Like I'm willing to overlook a lot for the sake of a story. But for society to just go completely and utterly apeshit over a 30 year old sport makes zero sense. AND I READ THE STORY WHERE THE LADY HAD SEX WITH THE LITERAL BULL.

Wymack pulled a bottle of vodka out of the bag and put it down beside Kevin. "You have ten seconds to inhale as much of this as you can. I'm timing you. Go."

It was alarming how much a man could drink when he needed an emotional crutch.

WOW THAT'S SUPER FUCKING HEALTHY.

Like I get that his foster-father and brother abused the shit out of him. But therapy is much better than alcoholism.

Madison was using the home locker room to change right now, so the Foxes had to go all the way around to the away side.

I really love how there's this big fancy banquet dinner where they invite all of the college exy teams, and they literally have to change in the locker room.

My high school did this band banquet, too. But we didn't have to fucking eat dinner out on the football field with our parents... We had the school cafeteria for the evening.

Out of touch author can't even think of a world where these idiots would want to rent a banquet hall. Oh no... it's got to be at the fucking stadium, for some unholy reason.

Judging by Neil's quick headcount, the Ravens hadn't brought dates. They hadn't brought any color along, either. All twenty-two of them were dressed head-to-toe in black. The twenty men wore the same shirts and slacks, and the two women wore identical dresses. They even sat the exact same way, all with their right elbows on the table, all of them with their chins in their hands. Another team might look foolish going so far, but somehow the Ravens looked imposing.

I joke about the fox characters outside of Neil, Kevin, and Andrew being cardboard cut-outs... but this ain't got nothing on those cardboard cutouts.

"I know who you are," Riko said. "Who here doesn't? You're the woman who captains a Class I team. You've done admittedly well despite your disadvantages."

CASUAL SEXISM.

The man to Riko's right stood up as soon as the Foxes were settled and walked behind the Ravens until he was across from Neil. Two fingers to the woman's shoulder got her out of her chair and she moved to the newly-emptied seat. The stranger sat across from Neil. As he did the Ravens fell out of their frozen poses, but they did so only to lean back as one in their chairs.

Did they practice this ahead of time?

The black three tattooed on his left cheekbone meant he could be no one but Jean Moreau.

Imagine getting a tattoo of a college sports number. Of which you would only get to play for a few years before being forced out.

It took him only a few seconds to realize the Ravens were coming. The entire team was crossing the court toward Kevin, walking in V formation like a flock of birds going south.

I can't with her descriptions of the Ravens. Like one team's colors are orange and white, and the other is black and red. ONE OF THEM IS GUD AND THE OTHER IS EBUL. THE RAVENS ARE EBUL, AND THEY'RE ALL HENCHMEN ROBOTS.

"We're sure it is," the Raven striker said, "seeing how you're dating a prostitute."

"Stripper," Dan corrected...

[…]

Neil tried not to stare at her. He would have dismissed the Raven's insult as an outright lie if not for Dan's easy response. Too late he remembered her telling him she'd worked an overnight job during high school to make ends meet.

THE AUTHOR DOES REALIZE THAT YOU HAVE TO BE 18 TO WORK JOBS LIKE THAT... RIGHT?! Like please tell me that the author didn't write about a 15 year old getting a job as a stripper.

This series is bad enough without needing to drag child strippers into the mix.

The others fell asleep within a few miles, but Neil spent the entire ride thinking about Riko and his father.

Chapter 6 summary: So it's time for the banquet. They do a random lottery draw where they decide which school will host the banquet this year. The school picked is only about four hours away. The banquet itself lasts for two days, in order to justify some of the travel time for those further away. However, the foxes are of the opinion “fuck that; we're not staying the entire two days”.

As they get closer to the school, Kevin starts to have a panic attack. As the others leave the bus, David gives Kevin some alcohol, and tells him to chug it. Which... yeah, that sounds fucking healthy. They have to change out in the locker room, which is fucking weird if you ask me. And then they go into the stadium, which has been turned into a banquet hall. The sight makes Neil angry, and mood. Rent a fucking banquet hall for this, assholes.

They're upset to see that the foxes are randomly supposed to be sitting across from the ravens. And the ravens are all dressed like evil henchmen, and are even randomly acting in unison. Talk about zero personality. David warned the others not to pick a fight, but obviously wasn't counting on Riko bringing his planet-sized ego with him. A rando Raven player named Jean-- who is the embodiment of every French stereotype you can think of-- starts to antagonize Neil, and calls him by a bunch of Neil's former names. He then moves on and starts insulting everybody else.

Their little pissing match goes on for a long while. But hey, it's not like anything else is going on, so this might as well happen, I guess. Finally, Riko antagonizes Neil into speaking, and Neil calls Riko out on his shit, saying that he's a whiny, entitled little brat who doesn't have anything going for him. Then, Jean and Riko start to act like they “own” Neil, which has fucking creepy slavery undertones to what they're saying.

David finally shows up to say that they're trying to move the foxes to another table. As they get up to leave, Jean can't help but name-drop Neil's father. The others rally around Kevin and Neil once they're away. Kevin is sent back to the bus to drink some more liquor, and Neil thinks about following. Not only that, but just fucking leaving. But he doesn't, because then this series would be put out of its misery.

After dinner, then they put all of the tables away and everybody starts socializing and networking. The ravens come over, act like they've never met the foxes before, but then continue to insult them. I'm really fucking over this. Riko's uncle and the raven coach comes over. The two teams awkwardly stare at one another, and the only thing this scene needs is some dramatic finger snapping. Tetsuji says that he ran fingerprint test off of a glass Neil drank out of back during that dumb morning talk show, and knows who he is. He yells at Neil about crimes that Neil's dad committed against The Family©, as if Neil himself personally did all of that. However, Neil stands his ground and refuses to be bullied by these assholes.

Matt finally drags Neil away, and threatens to tell the exy board about Riko's shit behavior and have him benched for the rest of the season. They all go back to the bus finally, and start to head home.

[youremyonlyhope]

Starship Rewatch

10 years ago today (well, yesterday since I’m posting it a day later), 15 year old Hope curled up on her couch to watch a new StarKid show called Starship right as it dropped. This was the first time I got to watch a show when it was posted since I didn’t become a StarKid fan until a months earlier. I was so excited.

And now, I’m rewatching Starship for the first time in full in at least 5 years I think. I listened to the soundtrack twice earlier today, singing along at my desk at work (thank god no one else was here tonight to judge me). I still know so many of the lyrics. And so many little jokes and stuff were flooding back. Starship was my favorite StarKid show for a long time, so I’m so excited to watch this again to see if it’s still my fave.

This post ended up being really long, so you’ve been warned. But it also includes pictures of the crocheted Roach and Bugette plushies that I made as a teen.

OH. THE OLD LOGO. AHHH. I already have so many feels. The future is now! I can’t handle this. The nostalgia! The Galactic League of Extraterrestrial Exploration. My facebook account to this day says I am a Starship Ranger at the G.L.E.E. because I’ve never bothered to change it. Also, shoutout to anyone from the StarKidPotter FB and EFST days if you’re reading this. AHHH IT’S CHRIS AND ERIC. Ok I might have to pause 20 thousand times during this Starship Ranger ad to acknowledge all the StarKid cameos. Tyler! “We come to conquer... in peace!” Tyler I love you. Brian and Richard! I forgot they painted Richard BLUE. Britney and Ariel! Nicholas Joseph Stauss-Matathia! I see that StarKid’s website has shortened his name to just Nicholas Strauss but remember the days when we’d purposefully say his full name? Anyway, I literally just screamed “NICK” when I saw him because he was always one of my faves. The Old Snatch was and still is iconic. Devin and Lily! The Wizard God himself, AJ Holmes. God... remember those AJ Holmes appreciation days where we’d make Chuck Norris-like memes about AJ? So much is rushing back from the depths of my mind oh my god... It’s been so long yet it feels like yesterday... “Someone really *static* F- *static* -ucked up big time” Love it.

2 minutes and 22 seconds in. I’ve written so much. I had to pause before Joey started singing to take a moment. I love this show so much. I love these goofballs so much. And they’re all so young. Most of them are younger than I am now. This is insane.

Ok I have to promise myself not to pause as much now. *Spoiler, I failed*

“I’ll fight off this gamma radiation if it’s the last thing I ever do!... We’re going down! This is the last thing I’ll ever do!” Oh my god. Look at baby Joey. He hasn’t even graduated from college yet. And that Bug puppet! Someone remind me to dig up the pictures of my crocheted plushies of Starship puppets since I made Roach and Bugette and gave them to the StarKids at SPACE and Apocalyptour. (I also did Rumbleroar, but the bugs were my own pattern I made so I was more proud) The camera is focused in on Bug instead of Joey’s face. I love it. So much. Brannnttttttt. My god. Am I gonna freak out over every single entrance? Roach pretending to die, he’s the best friend ever. “The needs of the many bugs outweigh the needs of the few bugs.” “Or the one bug, I know.” Oh man, when that line comes back... “Dirt eater” “Exoskeleton polisher” “I wanna build honeycombs” “The bug that ruins your picnic” “A fly on the wall!” That line came back to me earlier today and I died. Remembering that line was like 50% of the reason I listened to the soundtrack today.

Nick Lang! Julia! LAUREN LOPEZ. THERE SHE IS. Lovebugs, I can’t. *Sentimental music* “You could come over to my nest and I could... tear off your head and let my larva devour your body?” How did I forget that line? The way Lauren has to kick Bugette’s larva sack to walk. But the way that it also works so well with the character. I can’t. The Mosquito Brothers!! I forgot they show up so early. “This is our sister, Sweetheart” “...YO.” I CANNOT HANDLE JIM POVOLO. The “zzzz”s like buzzing as backing vocals instead of the usual “ahs” and “oohs.” The things you don’t appreciate until years later. Darren, you genius. That is such a good detail. For a second I couldn’t remember who the Overqueen is played by. 99% sure it’s Jim (It is). Also. Overqueen like ovary... and it looks like a giant vagina. That had to be pointed out to me later. “FLATTERY WILL GET YOU... everywhere.” Why did I forget that line too? “I’m a starship ranger” “Quiet you, you’re drunk” “No I’m drunk!” I remembered that line probably like... 2 minutes earlier when I noticed Joe huddling in the background and realized that line was coming up. The way Joey lets go of the puppet so both he and the puppet walk away with their arms limp... so cute.

Before even pressing play on part 3, I can hear February saying “Let the record show I am super ahead of schedule.” and I’m dying. I forgot about Brian as the escape pod. Denise Donovan! That Star Trek prop. I’m dumb so I can’t remember if it’s a communicator or what. But I know my Uhura Barbie had a mini one that I lost within a month probably. “OxyGen” “Schience” I can’t. “Mission Log... I think I just heard a spooky noise.” How am I forgetting all of these amazing lines? “Pika-pi!” AHHH I JUST SCREAMED. “My stars, I seemed to have landed in a field of these aMiNals!” I can’t. “Can I tell you guys something?” *port de bras and falls gently to the ground* “Hello!” “TOTORO!” I’m dead. The balloon mechanism on the mosquitos! I forgot about that! “HOLY SHIT IT’S A BUUUUGGGGG” Ok something I noticed but didn’t mention earlier. The bug puppet that Joe uses when he says “I had my heart set on nourishment” is the same one red and pink one that Julia used when talking about wanting to be nourishment. When Julia actually gets eaten, she’s using a different bug puppet, the green and pink one, but the same character voice. So, I can’t tell if they intentionally had her play 2 bugs so Joe could be one of them later, or if it was a mistake. I might also just be overthinking things. “ME THINKS IT WENT THAT-A-WAY” I cannot handle Jim Povolo. That scream Joe does as he slimes her. Woah I originally wrote “There seems to be no signs of intelligent lifeforms anywhere” earlier and then deleted it since I don’t know why I found it remarkable. And then looking at the comments of this part I see someone mentioned a Toy Story reference. So that’s why that line stuck out to me. Aww StarKid. There are so many Disney references in this show.

THERE SHE IS. THERE’S MY GIRL TAZ. The pew pew effects how could I forget that!  “Hey Taz. You’re pretty tough for a chick.” “I was just going to say the same thing about you.” “Woahhhhhhhh” JoMo oh my god. “My spectrometer readings are off the wazooooooo” That line kills me. Why am I JUST NOW noticing, 10 years later, that Tootsie enters this scene with his gun facing the wrong way. Oh my god. “I saw the empirical proof that science killed god. It’s comforting to know he was once alive though. I like to think that when he died, he went to heaven.” Oh Tootsie Noodles. “...What the hell kind of name is that?” “He’s got bear hands??” Why do I forget all of these lines??!? That record scratch and freeze frame to go “BOOOOOO” oh my god I forgot that. “Like the other day, he was in the cafeteria, just cah-rying in front of everybody.” BOOOOOOO. Here we go, Taz’s amazing Up monologue. “And when Up, cuts an onion, the ONION is the one who cry.” HELP. Also 99% sure I used that joke for AJ appreciation at least one year. “Now take a walk off my knife” What a line. So awesome. I remember having a profile pic on FB that was the text of that monologue and the image of Lauren screaming “WALK IT OFF” I’m still convinced that first “WOO” from the audience that we hear when Up enters is Darren. “I do not peepee sitting down” “Huh??” JoMo’s face as if he’s trying his hardest not to laugh and I can’t tell if that’s him breaking character or if Krayonder is actually trying not to laugh. “I peepee like big boy, deadgoddamnit. So stop making fun of me because it hurts my feelings” I’m dying. Also, deadgoddamnit is amazing. “if you don’t go out there and die for something, then I will kill you for nothing.” I remembered the mirror scene, just seconds before it started and already started laughing. “You’re not a failure, overall.” “Allow me to introduce you to the final member of your team. MegaGirl!” I forgot how DRAMATIC that was. I also forgot that’s how MegaGirl comes into the story.

I need to stop pausing every 5 seconds oh my god I’ll never finish this tonight if I don’t.

“All hail AstroBoy” That was the funniest line. “MegaGirl, can you kill humans?” “No. But I’d like to.” I can’t handle it. “A horse ate my cousin! Me and horses got a feud.” #1 MegaGirl doing the “I’m watching you” hand sign. I can’t. “Hey. Miráme. *Slaps* NOW ESCHUCHAME” amazing. “Or that time. You taught me calculus... CALCULUS WAS TOUGH.” I never went past pre-calc. Nope. Ah. Get Back Up. One of my fave songs. “And now we dance.” Dylan’s “OW” as they lean back. “Ok Idiotas. Say something nice. Or I will kill you.” It’s all so iconic.

“So you still think being an egg planter is lame?” “...Yes.”  The larva oh my god. I forgot we see one before the end. That’s Jaime playing the larva I think. Life is definitely one of my all-time favorite StarKid songs to this day. I wish it was longer. I love it so much. And I love that its instrumental is scattered as a motif throughout the show. “It’s a short, small thing we lead. With so much potential, pointless or essential, which one can I be?” Wow. Near Pippin levels of giving me an existential crisis. Also wow Joey improved his singing so much between AVPS and Starship. “My name’s Bug” “*Gasp!* Like a bug??” “Uh... no.” “Good. I’m February, like the month, but a person.” I should start saying that honestly. “I’m Hope, like the concept, but a person.” “You boldly go where every man -hey- woman -bark woof- or data dog has ever gone before! Sorry K9DX” Adorable. Joey’s subtle little double nod he makes the Bug puppet do when he’s shocked she thinks he’s a Starship Ranger. Amazing. Ah he said goddamn not deadgoddamn! February should have known right then he wasn’t human! “Take my claw” that too. "The only thing that needs to rest are your jokes, because they are so tired.” “Woahhhhhh” No but like... why don’t I use that line in everyday life... “Now I am slightly less weak.” “Ok. I’m going to shoot this metal bitch!” I’m dying. How did I forget the Taz/MegaGirl rivalry?? “That thing is a R-O-B-O-T man” “Can’t fool me with numbers, Krayonder.” I’m dead. “The stack of hay was my cousin!” #2 The way Meredith says “barometric pressure” is great. And Tootsie saying “Well you must take real good care of it, because I never would have guessed.” He’s such a sweetheart. “Nobody shoot dammit, nobody shoot.” “KILL KILL KILL” I never really liked Hideous Creatures but it’s so cute to see MegaGirl do the choreo robotically. I love that the Gap hasn’t changed. “Cool it skank, you do not know me.” Another line that I forgot until a split second before it was said. I’m so glad whoever edited this added some pews going in the wrong way for Tootsie’s gun. I know I definitely noticed Tootsie’s gun was backwards during this part, but I don’t know if I noticed it was backwards in that very first scene too. I forgot about MegaGirl tossing out Specs. That “MEGAGIRL!!!” scream from Joe though.

“Never in my 6 long days of life.” Underappreciated joke. Also, I think this is the 4th unique upright bug puppet. We got red/pink, green/blue, green/pink, and now red/blue. Also, Nick Lang is a great puppeteer. “Yes, I helped her escape. But I swear, never in a million years, did I think I’d be caught and yelled at for it!”  Oh I forgot Bugette is the witness. Jaime’s angry face behind Joey is killing me. “He didn’t know the humans were evil.” “Oh, they’re not.” “Shut up!” Humoons and hoomans. “And no more singing or dancing” *gasps of horror* “The Overqueen has overspoken.” “Well, that’s not gonna help your chances with Bugette” Oh Roach. “PERHAPS.” Jim destroys me.

God the 4-person Pincer puppet. Amazing. Dylan’s arms being strong enough to be above his head for 10 minutes straight. Amazing. Also, Nick Lang is so emotive as a claw. It took me a sec but yeah JoMo is the tail. “There were? Where are they?” Joey’s face. “Tell me all about her” The claws under the chin I can’t. Hey StarKid, I see you throwing in an ad mid-video before Kick It Up a Notch. You’re lucky I love and support you guys. “Put ‘em together and what have you got?” bibbity boppity boo. More Disney references! This scene is full of them. Man, remember when we were all blown away by Dylan’s voice in this song the first time? Like we could tell he could sing in AVPM/S, but his songs were just so jokey and only his long “Welcooooooooooome” showed us his talent. But then Kick It Up a Notch happened. And we FINALLY appreciated Dylan’s beautiful voice. “I pushed it to the limit.” and “To coin a phrase, be a man.” more Disney. I might be overthinking this and will have to rewatch Life to confirm, but I think the camera zooming out as Pincer reprises Life is just like the camerawork when Bug sang it originally. If so, then wow even when filming their shows StarKid really thinks it all through. (Update: It totally is referencing the original zooms for Life and that’s amazing. Except it’s zooming out instead of in. I LOVE the attention to detail even in filming the show. I’m gonna guess that’s Liam’s doing.) All I can see when I hear Bug’s chorus of this song is Jaime and her SPACE tour dancing, which they incorporated in Apocalyptour as actual choreography. Because they’re goofballs. The kick line. Love it. God. Even though it’s not my favorite song from Starship (just because I love Life and Beauty more), Kick It Up A Notch is one of the best StarKid has ever done. I really has everything. Dylan’s gorgeous voice. Not one but two reprises of earlier songs to throw Bug’s own words back at him. Jim’s bass line. Awesome puppets. Disney references. It’s so amazing. I love how all the comments are either about Dylan’s voice or Dylan’s ability to hold his arms up for a 10+ minute scene or both.

"Gameover man, gameover!” “I feel like cutting open your belly, and filling it with jelly” *Gasps* Oh my god, I put on the captions for a second, and  the caption said *Sad spayed puppy noises* “I am in charge of this mission now.” How did I forget about the mustache until 2 seconds before it happened? “She’s got the mustache now. *Kisses head* I love you” Oh my god Tootsie. I FORGOT ABOUT THE SECOND STACHE. There’s an ad right when we see Bug’s human form and I can’t even care because look at him! Ahhh. And the blue headband! Ahhhhh. Joey you’re so adorableeeee. “Bug? Well that’s a fine name.” His concerned face then the relief. Adorable. “Thank you sir. I am a tough bitch.” “Getting nothing but bug muff?!?” I love the slight delay the audience has before laughing as they realize what was just said. “Bug. You hard, ese. You flame.” I die. “Up there. In Space!” *dramatic pointing* No I totally didn’t just do the dramatic pointing with them... no that’s not in my muscle memory from 10 years ago... why would you think that. I’ll rave about Status Quo after it’s done. “But, what if I miss you?” Awwwwwwwww. And that “Just look up.” screenshot was used for “This.” memes in the fandom for years.

Oh Joey. Status Quo is such a good song too. And he really did improve as a singer to sing it. Earlier this week I remembered that this week is also the 10th anniversary of that time Darren was hopping from city to city every single day to promote the Warblers album. And at one point in that week he did a livestream that I remember rushing home to watch. In that livestream, I am 99% sure he sang Status Quo as a little sneak preview for Starship being released later that week. (Just checked, yep he sang it in a livestream on April 20 2011) God I love this song. Then the version the boys all sang for SPACE Tour was beyond beautiful too. Ahhh I love this musical.

Ok. It’s almost midnight. I started this 3 hours ago. I’m probably not finishing the show until 2am at the rate that I’m pausing and stopping to comment. But OH WELL.

“Dr. Spaceclaw” wow. “Leaving them behind was of little consequence, but a pleasure.” Oh Megagirl. “You did a very good job today too, son.” “*Gasp* Thanks dad.” That Star Wars fake-out though. Speaking of Star Wars, I really need to rewatch Ani now that I’m actively a Star Wars fan unlike last time when I still wasn’t invested in the movies I just watched them. How did I forget about Jaime playing Junior’s new mom?? ...Does Junior get an alien incubating in his chest... is that foreshadowing... I can’t remember. (This was like... half a foreshadow) This scene is funnier now that Breredith is married. The way Junior says “Phew” I’m dead. I remembered how they restrain MegaGirl once again 2 seconds before it happened oh my god. “We deserve bubbles on our skin.” An iconic line. “Well thank the long dead god you made it, Bug!”  The crunching of the handshake, I can’t. Oh someone in the comments pointed out that Bug and February are doing the Tarzan hand thing while Up’s asking Taz to see a movie. Adorable.

Get yourself a man like Tootsie who won’t stand for you talking down about yourself. “Maybe this was all part of God’s plan. He made before he died.” I love the dead god jokes. I remember years ago some kid on facebook was like “The dead god jokes are offensive” and I was like “It’s a sci-fi musical about a bug in a human body but sure worry about god being dead.” but probably in an even more immature answer. I’m just mesmerized by Tootsie and MegaGirl’s verses. God. The first Dylan and Meredith duet. Amazing. And MegaGirl’s confused face is great. “Don’t press that button, or we’ll all be sucked into space.” So... Can anyone tell me what foreshadowing is? Oh shoot... ok wait no I’ll comment on that when we get there. God that is such a cute love song. I wrote barely anything just because I love that song so much. Would love to know where Tootsie’s taking her though.

Oh my god this scene! I forgot about this. How could I forget this. “Well the world always looks a little bit brighter, from on top of a lap.” I had remembered Bug sitting on Up’s lap, but not Specs. This is the part I forgot. Adorable. Ahhhh so cute. The Specs/Krayonder relationship was apparently cut from the filmed version, but was present if you saw it live. These moments are adorable. And I love how this is the second person JoMo’s had to carry in this show since he also carried Denise earlier. “Why if it isn’t Bug, my oldest friend.” and “Don’t say that, my dear.” are adorable. Oh wait. Up sat on Bug’s lap. Not the other way around. Ok. I didn’t remember this scene as well as I thought I did. I’m dying. I didn’t want to write anything during this, but oh my god “That son of a bitch Optimus Prime” I forgot that. I love the audience’s reaction to “The entire right side of my body, it’s a robot” because they all gasp, and then laugh at themselves for gasping. I knew there was something he couldn’t do without crying. I didn’t remember it being “Sir I Wanna Buy These Shoes” Christmas Song. It’s ok Up, I haven’t listened to that song in full in years. I can’t handle it. But Christmas songs in general make me cry too. Oh Up said goddamn instead of deadgoddamn too. Hmm... Aww the mother spider story. “I think the old you was just killing out of hate.” “Oh I was.” I’m dying. Awwww the nose kiss. I definitely remembered that. “Deadgodspeed soldier!” The way Joey misses catching the keys and also Darren’s “Woo!” in the audience again. So great. That 12 minute scene is just adorable and the Up story is so dramatic and hilarious.

Hmm finishing before 2am might be ambitious... “Hahaha. Then I’ll shoot him!” “Taking care of my business down on the planet is that cool with you?” Brian’s delivery of that line has always intrigued me. “How much I care about my MegaGirl unit’s survival is also a percent equivalent to zero” Rude. “You are nothing like my boyfriend, Tootsie Noodles.” “Yes, well - wait WHAAA” This scene is so different now that they’re married. “Ha. Ha. It was cute.” “You’re... a toaster.” *Slaps* Ok 1) I used to use that insult all the time and only half ironically. I was a strange teenager. 2) She just hurt a human... isn’t that against programming, or can she just not kill humans? Evil angry Brolden is something we need more of. I love Brian as a villain. More please. “You stupid goddamn robot” So I guess they say goddamn and deadgoddamnit. I’m overthinking the evolution of language in this universe. Also Brian’s screams while being choked are amazing. I’ve never forgotten those, if anything they’re better now.

AHHHH I REFRESHED AND DELETED ALL OF MY STUFF FOR BEAUTY. Kill me. I’m so mad. Let me try to recreate it but I hate myself. I was saving this draft after every part but OF COURSE I don’t save after my favorite song and then refresh.

Oh poor Meredith. Her white wig doesn’t let her blend in as much when she’s in the hoodies playing a bug. “Oh hey Bugette, we’re just trying to get Bug laid!” That bug had to know about Bugette’s crush though? That’s just cruel. “The ending is killer” ruuuuuuddddddddddeee. I know I had at least one more point, but that’s lost to the ether. Beauty is probably my fave, if not tied with Life. When I was listening to it earlier, I was overcome with emotion because it’s just such a joyful song. These days I cry over happy stuff almost as much as I cry over the sad. And these lines just hit so hard... I love it. I love this song so much and this scene so much. “Bug. She excreted her filth for you. WE DID IT!!!!!!!!” Brant Cox is so good. It really is a shame he’s not in anything else besides AVPSY and the 10th Anniversary with everyone else. “I do accept you for who you really are. A genius.” Well February, you’ll be glad to know that you thought of that, so you’re the genius. Wow. Junior’s 25, Brian was 25, and now I’m 25. This really was perfect timing for the 10th anniversary. Also I do not feel 25. “Suck off!” amazing.

I’M SAVING THIS TIME.

Ok next part. Luckily I was only 1 minute into the next part when I refreshed. Still so mad at myself... “Someone really firetrucked up big time” (Dead)God I love that line. I also used firetruck unironically. Once again, I was a strange teenager and I didn’t like cursing and I still don’t. “This is so weird, I’m so used to the scrambly version.” (It was while writing this line the first time that I refreshed and lost Beauty....) Ok as I watch AJ, it’s hitting me that he almost definitely came to the set during rehearsals and filmed his part since it’s not a green screen like the rest of them. “The hunters have become the hunted, and it’s wabbit season.” “That was a good video, until the end when it got sad.” Thanks Bug. “I think, I just had a think” See February’s smart. “I’m in a weird situation” Love that line. “Bug is a BUG!? I DON’T BELIEVE IT” Oh Junior. Dylan’s insulted face at “I am not... a dumbass.”  So I can’t tell if Brian forgets he’s trapped when he moves his arms into a more relaxed position to lean on the column and then puts them back, or if it’s purposefully staged that way. Brian’s acting while he pretends to be shy and embarrassed about his evil plan is amazing and adorable. Brian has a good evil laugh, why don’t we get him as a villain more often? Also I was gonna make some sort of joke about Nick as Pincer’s left claw vs. Robert as Snarl’s left paw, but I’ll leave it be.

I FORGOT ABOUT THAT WEIGHT TAZ WAS LIFTING JUST FLOATING UP TO THE SKY WHEN SHE LETS GO. I just laughed out loud. “Damn that G.L.E.E. They’re always making twisted abominations of everything!!” I cannot handle it. And the wink. Poor Darren but also not poor Darren at all. I was just now WRACKING my mind for who could possibly be playing Pincer’s tail if JoMo was being devoured by mosquitos. It’s Brant. Literally the entire cast is currently onstage. Ok Krayonder’s been getting his blood drained for 3 minutes, why is he alive? OH I FORGOT KRAYONDER GETS UP AND SHOOTS THE BUGS. Ok and he gets chopped by Pincer’s claws too so HOW does he survive? StarKid answer!!! I forgot how dramatic this musical gets when you got both the bugs and MegaGirl coming after the humans. Aww the Vulcan salute from Specs. “I changed my name. To Tootsie... MegaGirl.” I love the reactions of the people in the audience who immediately realize what that means. I hear at least one “oh my god” that sounds like sobbing. Awwwww Tootsie’s “that’s real” speech and “I’d love you if you was the horse that ate my cousin.” (#3) just... get yourself a man like Tootsie MegaGirl. He is perfection. God the downloading love scene is so cute. I can’t handle it.

The Up saving Taz scene is so dramatic. Then Brian and Jim just calmly walk offstage. It kills me. Also why did Jaime just continue to lie there? “I just needed to learn how to kill with my heart.” Not exactly what Bug meant, but it works. God Taz climbing onto Up’s back is still the most hilarious thing ever. Whoever thought of her climbing that way was a genius. So funny. I always wanted to try it. Holding the gun up to her head like a blowdryer always gave me anxiety. Making the door out of a scrim that can be backlit was genius. Oof and bringing back “The needs of the many bugs outweigh the needs of the few bugs. Or the one bug.” just hurts. Poor Bug. My heart. This is probably the line that sticks with me to this day and I do think about sometimes.

Ok it’s now 2am and I still have 2 more parts.

I sorta love that Joey didn’t have the time to change into his blacks so he’s still in the Starship Ranger suit while playing the Bug puppet. “Save the Overqueen. I love her.” Awww. “Roach, I’m gonna get the job done if it’s the second last thing I do.” Love it. That Kick It Up A Notch Reprise though. Brian, you should play villains more often. Also remember all of us being like “LUPIN CAN SING?!?!?!??!!” “Lucky for me, God is dead. When you see him in hell, tell him Junior sent you.” Deadgod I love that line. This whole deadgod thing was just leading up to that amazing line. Oh no Bugette! Bug saying “maestro” oh my god. “DFSDSJFDSJKFDS... I’m dead.” I forgot that part! Oh my god the way Brian flicks the glasses back down on his face. Ok so I saw Lauren wiggle her way behind the mucus sac, but I didn’t see Nick come onstage. I rewinded, and I guess the zoom in shots on Brian and Joey were timed so we can’t see Nick join Lauren to be the first larva to come out. Oh well. And I love the crowd cheering as Junior dies. “And bingo was his name-o” That callback though. I forgot that the Overqueen eats Bugette’s body while crying. “Or Bugette! Oh...” Also god Roach is adorable.

Last part. 2:21am. Here we go. Krayonder got his blood sucked out by giant mosquitos and was cut up by a giant scorpion, but all he needs is a bandage around his head. Awwww the soft “I Wanna Be” playing the background as Bug begs the team to accept his bug form. Bug being so mad “It’s that bastard Pincer isn’t it?” and then being so happy that Joey does the little nose scrunch thing. So cute. JOEY’S FACE WHEN DENISE KISSES THE BUG PUPPET. Cannot believe I forgot that until 2 seconds before it happened too. “I now pronounce you man vs. machine. Fight!” WOAH. Why in the WORLD did “eep op ork ahah” come back to me. I was able to say it WITH Joey. That was straight from the DEPTHS of my teenage brain oh my god. I forgot about that oh my GOD. THAT’S INSANE. I FORGOT SO MUCH STUFF BUT I REMEMBERED HOW TO SAY “I LOVE YOU” IN BUG.

And the Beauty reprise.

God I love this musical. It’s still my fave StarKid show I think. And I’m horrified to see that it has only 500K views for the last part, so only 500K people have watched it all the way through after 10 years. That’s disgraceful. It’s amazing. Watch Starship.

It is 2:32am. I started at 8:50pm. Got sidetracked when I had to rewatch the Beauty part of Act 2 again to make sure I got my notes back in the post. Took a few bathroom breaks. But this is mostly because I paused every like 10 seconds to make a comment, so it took 5 and a half hours to watch a 3 hour musical. This why I take forever to watch things while liveblogging. I take too long to writing notes.

I’ll probably just post this in the morning. Gotta proofread for mistakes before posting.

Ok it’s the next afternoon. This post is literally 5,000+ words and takes 20 minutes to read according to a online word counter. I’m sorry to whoever read this entire thing. Your reward is the pictures of the Starship plushies I crocheted when I was 15 and 16.

(Ignore the bad lighting and my horribly chipped paint. That’s the only picture I have of the Bugette one since I gave it to Lauren Lopez a day later. I started making another for myself shortly after but never finished. Maybe I should finally finish the second one... hmm...)

[kinetic-elaboration]

June 25: 2x24 The Ultimate Computer

Belated notes on my watch of The Ultimate Computer yesterday.

Kirk’s definitely in Captain Mode today. You can tell when he’s on edge and suspicious and serious.

Yet another old Kirk friend. Does he know everyone in Starfleet?

War games lol. But it’s “not the military.”

Spock is super into this computer.

A-7 Computer Expert Certification.

The crew’s not needed? Wow, okay, this is going to end badly.

“This gadget.” How do you really feel, Kirk?

And there’s Spock literally making faces behind the Commodore’s back. He is soooo that type. He’s like “Jim, are you hearing this? Can you believe this guy?”

I’m insulted on Kirk’s behalf right now. Replacing people with machines so blithely is offensive.

Of course Bones doesn’t like it.

Oh yeah triumvirate walking scene. I love them. it takes so little for me to think ‘what badasses.’ S2 is really stepping up this dynamic in particular.

And Spock is comfortable enough around Bones to be sassy around him

Oh no, the computer is already glitching, and there is no backup and no plan B.... Bones is completely right in his assessment. This is essentially a Titanic situation: way too much hubris involved. Nothing can go wrong so nothing will go wrong so we’ve planned for nothing going wrong!

McCoy has BFF Clearance. He can go wherever he wants.

“It’s the M-5? What happened to Ms 1-4?” Channel #5.

Ahhhh little gratuitous touch to Spock’s arm. They’re In Love.

“There are certain things men must do to remain men.”

“The right computer finally came along.” Damn Bones.

Jim’s suspicions about the computer coming right after that line make it look like he’s jealous that Spock likes it so much.

He’s getting a “red alert right here.” Computers don’t have that kind of intuition.

Jim’s so thoughtful and self-aware. He really cares both about his instincts and about interrogating those instincts for bias and unreasonableness. This is giving me real S1 vibes: the quiet, intelligent, idealized hero Captain at the fore.

This whole scene is perfect, eminently quotable, and sounds exactly like something that could have been written about automation in 2021. You’re okay with it when it’s happening to someone else but then the computer comes for YOUR job....

Uh-h, M-5 is turning off all the lights...

Space merchant marines... good to know.

HOW are the Captain and CMO “non-essential personnel”? The first sign that M-5 is illogical. They should bring some doctor on the landing party mission given that uh humans are going on it and might get injured.

Anyway I can’t wait for Kirk to destroy this bitch and save the day.

Lol it turned off the lights on Bones in sickbay.

Damn, now it’s trying to take Uhura’s job too!

Chekov is so bored.

Spock wants to serve under one man and one man ONLY. Loyalty to one man... sounds like a wedding vow... and Kirk looks so soft...

So, if Spock has to describe to McCoy what that (unnecessary bitchy and catty) “Captain Dunsel” remark means, by saying that it’s a phrase that “midshipmen use at Starfleet Academy,” is this to imply Bones didn’t go to Starfleet Academy?

He’s never felt so at odds with the ship.... a lover’s quarrel...she’s cheating on him with another man...

Jim Kirk, certified Poetry Nerd. He’s such a romantic.

So glad Bones got him a drink so he can return to the bridge and a possible emergency with just a little bit of a buzz going.

Spock in the chair...

Huh, an automated ship with no crew. Interesting concept.

Oh no M-5! She’s got control of the ship and she won’t let go!

Kirk’s face when Enterprise attacks.. the betrayal... his beautiful lady used for mindless destruction.

“Only a robot” ship--! Bones is insulted.

Kirk orders the computer turned off but we’re only halfway through the ep so...

....And the computer is sentient now.

That was the shortest Captain’s Log ever. “The computer has taken over the ship the end.”

Scotty’s like, “...Well what if we just unplug it?”

Okay so now they only have 19 crew.

Spock and Bones are on point today. “Don’t say it’s fascinating.” / “I won’t. But it is... interesting.” This bitch knows exactly what he’s doing.

The computer isn’t a child, guys!

We need powerful computers “so men don’t have to die in space”--like uh that man your computer literally just killed?

I don’t get Daystrom’s logic at all. He talks as if people, like, needed to do work in space, to survive or something. We don’t need to. We want to! We want to go out and meet cool aliens! This guy is no fun.

What is the thing “greater” than fact finding in space that the robots are going to free us to do? Like what is more impressive than SPACE? I don’t even get that.

Time to mix up fake sci fi world-building references with real references! The Nobel and Zee-Magnee Prizes. Sitar of Vulcan.

A theory emerges... the computer acts illogically...Daystrom won’t let Spock near it... I know this isn’t where this is going, but it kind of sounds like they’re implying it’s a scam, lol. He sold an idea he didn’t have so it’s like.. not a real computer.

Spock’s little protege, Chekov.

“We have been pursuing a wild goose.” Aw, bb’s trying so hard to be colloquial. (Also he 100% learned that phrase from McCoy in The Gamesters of Triskellion and now he’s trying it out on Kirk...when McCoy isn’t around.)

“Not to offend you by using the h-word, but... could it be... human?”

Kirk’s really mad at Daystrom now.

The Commodore really set up that dramatic turn to camera there.

Poor Kirk. His ship is being used for evil.

“They can’t destroy the ship, what would happen to the computer?!” Yes, the computer. And the other 19 people and himself but mostly the computer. Daystrom really has lost it.

I love the actor who plays him, though.

“You are great. I am great.” Nothing weird happening here.

Spirk attack! (Spork it out.)

Spock’s way too sure Commodore Wesley is about to die. “He was decent, it’s a shame the ship I’m on is gonna kill him.”

And now another round of Kirk versus the computer and Kirk’s logic wins.

M-5 should argue that it did not commit murder, it committed homicide in self-defense. But then Daystrom didn’t program it with a lawyer’s brain.

It’s uh just gonna leave? Not turn the lights back on?

Kirk is so smart! I know I say this all the time, but it’s true! He knew what to do to save the ship because he knew Bob Wesley. He had formed connections, he had experience and knowledge that doesn’t come from logic. He is not replaceable!

McCoy’s like “Spock, fight me. Debate me Spock. Fight me. I’ll be fun.”

Spock HAS answered the computers versus humans question--he likes humans. He wants to be surrounded by humans.

That was really good! One of the better S2 episodes. Great Kirk, great triumvirate--as a trio and all three sides of the triangle--great sci fi concept, great guest star, great social commentary--still 100% relevant today.

i definitely have to think more about the ‘human computer’ concept. I liked that they specifically went out of their way to explain why the computer was human, how that was part of its design, and then tied that into its creator, his background, his belief system, and his insecurities. I feel like most ‘sentient computer’ or ‘advanced AI’ narratives just assume a computer that’s powerful enough will eventually be alive, which is not something I believe. The scariness of advanced AI to me is the incredible power it has to act quickly, but in a complete black-box way: you can’t literally see the logic string of its thought processes, and nor can you figure them out easily or completely using the creators’ intentions or logic because the machine has ‘learned’ since its inception, and its learning processes are not human. There is a real alienness to them that I find scary. And I do think this ep captured that nuance in M-5: it has the speed and abilities of a super computer, the “human” qualities of its creator for well-explained reasons, and the unpredictability of a mechanism that is NEITHER human nor human-controlled tool. And of course the ep’s ultimate thesis--that humans cannot be completely automated or replaced, and that we should not want to automate or replace humans--is comforting and of a morality I can and want to agree with.

This was also one of those eps that made me curious about the differences in AOS and TOS Kirk--in other words, an ep that relied on his history with Starfleet and his experience, on the reality that he’s a 34 year old man with 15+years of experience in the Fleet. Time, experience, connections, these aren’t things you can replace no matter how smart you are, and I feel like it would have been interesting to see AOS!Kirk deal with some situation that is trickier for him because he’s a Captain with a startlingly small amount of institutional experience. It’s not just about being young or generally inexperienced, in other words--it’s about NOT knowing every Captain, Admiral, and Commodore in the service, it’s about NOT having friends across the galaxy because he just hasn’t had time to make them. Even in deep space, that matters. And I think it’s something that I appreciate more as an adult myself, with actual real world experience of the importance of connections and experience and time, especially in sort of insular or smaller work communities.

Anyway, next is Bread and Circuses! Another great ep for the triumvirate. I can’t believe we’re almost through S2!!

[itzagothamcitysiren]

Welcome to the Family

hey everybody, how are we all doing? I’m sorry that it’s been a few days since I’ve posted but with everything going on in the world I haven’t been feeling up to anything lately. Everything going on in this country right now is just making me sad, disappointed and angry but I’m not here to talk politics or whatever you want to call it anymore. My personal accounts I have spoken out but this isn’t what this account is for so I won’t keep going. I’ll end it on that note and just say that I hope we’re all doing okay, being safe, doing the right thing, looking out for one another and speaking up.

You’re Taking Up a Fraction of My Mind pt.4

           It had been a while since Nightwing had taken to swinging throughout the rooftops of Gotham.  There was a part of him that missed it, but there was the part of him that didn’t. There was just something about being back in his home town that just made feel slightly off of his game. He didn’t want to admit it but he was out of shape, or more so out of step.

           Truthfully, he was in the best shape of his life but he didn’t take to the streets of Jump City every night like he did during his formative years in Gotham.  Jump City was relatively safe compared to Gotham. Of course they had their fair share of dangers with the random super villain here and there who was trying some end of the world or some get rich quick scheme, and also you had the occasional off world or inter-dimensional mission which was always fun. But, for the most part he’d be in bed by now or watching a movie in the common room with his teammates.

           “Having trouble keeping up?” Jason, Gotham’s new Robin, taunted, landing on the rooftop of the G.C.P.D. a few minutes before Nightwing had. He had noted how Nightwing was a few paces behind the new Dynamic Duo and couldn’t help but feel smug. “Maybe you should hang up the tights again.”

           “Look kid-,” Nightwing growled, pointing a finger at him.

           “Enough.” Batman cut them off, not giving them a chance to further start their bickering.

           He gave them a sharp glare through his cowl, daring them to make him regret allowing them to accompany him tonight. He knew the pair didn’t hit it off right away when they first met three years ago when Dick officially hung up the Robin costume and joined the Titans full time as Nightwing. Dick hadn’t taken too kindly to being replaced so quickly and especially by some street kid who had the audacity to try and steal the tires of the batmobile; Dick was always known for being, as Alfred put it, a ‘tad bit dramatic’.

           He shared a few choice words with Bruce upon hearing about Jason through Alfred. Bruce couldn’t even face Dick himself to tell him about it, Dick still scoffed about it. After all the years of servitude and comradery, it meant nothing to Bruce. Dick couldn’t help but feel bitter about it, seeing him being teamed up with someone else in a new Robin costume. Yes, he gave up the mantle of Robin, wanting to grow out of Batman’s shadow and make a name for himself. But regardless of if he gave it up or not Dick Grayson was Robin, not Jason Todd.

           Without another word coming from the two boys, Batman let out a low grumbled hum. His demeanor changed back from slightly agitated dad to the cold bat that lurked around Gotham City as night. Satisfied with their compliance, he made his way over to where Jim Gordon stood, next to the Batsignal that had been lit moment ago while the batfamily had been patrolling over Gotham.

           “I see you have a guest tonight,” Gordon nodded from his spot next to the spotlight, nodding towards Nightwing. He hadn’t seen the kid in a couple of months now and sort of missed him; his bright attitude was a good balance to the Dark Knight’s more stoic one.

           Batman let out another ‘hmm’ as response, sounding almost like a tired father with a pair of fighting toddlers.  He nodded towards the signal, “What do you have?”

           “Mail,” Gordon said reaching into his coat pocket pulling out an envelope addressed to the G.C.P.D. but the name above the address was addressed to Batman. He handed off the envelope, having already opened it and knew what was inside. “It wasn’t sealed, I took the liberty of having a peek.”

           Batman took the envelope from Gordon, pulling out the contents carefully. Inside he found five playing cards; two kings, two jokers and a 2 of spades. He inspected the cards closely, his mind already going off into full work mode to figure out their purpose. Nightwing stood to Batman’s right, eying the playing cards over his shoulder. He felt like a kid again, catching himself saying the first that came to mind, as if trying to impress the older man.

           “Joker?” Nightwing offered, causing the Batman to look at him as the he still pondered to himself.  

           Even though Nightwing hadn’t been in Gotham for a while but he still remembered how the Joker and a few of Gotham’s citizen’s gave him the title of the Clown Prince of Crime. It was pretty safe to assume with the whole two Joker card thing that it would belong to the clown, Nightwing thought. And since there was no prince card in a deck of cards, a king would suffice. It was obvious that the Joker had sent the envelope.

           “Joker’s locked up in Arkham.” Gordon said with a hint of malice, knowing that he deserved the chair but for whatever reason the justice system in Gotham wouldn’t let that day come.

           “So?” Robin cut in, with a roll of his eyes. He let out a disgruntled laugh, crossing his arms against him chest, a look of disbelief overlapped with amusement appearing on his face.  “That means jack in this city. What just happened with Zsasz?”

           “Robin.” Batman warned, his voice stern and sharp.

           He turned back to look at Nightwing after Robin gave him an apologetic look. He flipped the cards over, looking at the backside of them. The king’s had the same address written on them, same as the joker’s. Batman recognized the addresses of those belonging to two different banks.  Looking at his former protégé, he thought about his idea. It was a possibility. Joker did tend to make his stays at Arkham short in the past years.

           But simple bank robberies weren’t something he just did anymore. He’d always been unstable but the clown had seemed to be turning more volatile in his deeds in recent years. Bruce still shook when thinking about it, somewhat still in disbelief that the Joker could stoop so low. It took everything in him to not break his one rule; he’d never been that close in breaking it until that day. It’d been almost a year since then and it still haunted Bruce that he was unable to stop him. The Joker had blown up a middle school in the Narrows and it was all just for a punchline.

           “I’m just saying.” Robin raised his hands up in surrender, knocking Bruce out of his train of thought. He let a hand fall, there other than pointing to the cards Bruce held. “I don’t think it’s him.”

           “Oh yeah? And please share with the class who you think sent it then?” Nightwing quipped, rolling his own eyes now even though his masks whited out his eyes. He ignored the side glance his former mentor gave him, still looking at Robin, who apparently knew better than him.

           “I’d love to share actually,” Jason smirked, mimicking Nightwing’s stance. He didn’t like this guy one bit and didn’t appreciate how he was being talked down too. He deserved to be Robin just as much as he had. He was just as good as he was. “I think this looks like someone who we know has a thing for pairs. Not only are there two of the same type of cards, one’s literally a two. And I don’t know if you guys know anything about poker but it’s also a two-pair hand. It’s pretty obvious,”

           Dick widened his eyes, gapping to himself as Jason spoke, looking back at the cards. He saw Batman bring his hand to rest on his chin, cogs clicking and turning in his head. Nightwing bit his tongue as Batman gave Robin a ‘good work’ nod. It was pretty obvious and Nightwing hated it. He’d just been shown up by some kid. He wanted to smack the smug look right off Robin’s face as Batman told Gordon that he’d keep him updated.

           That had been their cue to head out, as Batman then put the cards in one of his utility belt pouches and reached for his grappling hook. Gordon watched as the batfamily turned to leave, grappling off into the city. Batman had landed them a few buildings away already dealing out a game plan. They’d split into two teams in order to stake out both addresses, unsure which one Two-Face would strike first. Dent had been laying low for the last couple of years and it was a little off putting that he’d want his comeback advertised to the Dark Knight before he could really pull it off.

           Dick had wished Halley was here for he started to tune Bruce out the moment he revealed that Nightwing and Robin would be paired up together. He wanted to protest, he wanted to insist that Robin belonged with Batman and Nightwing would handle himself for a night alone in Gotham. But he didn’t do any of that, instead just kept clenching his jaw tightly and grinding his teeth together as Batman turned his back to them and took off towards the direction of the bank he assigned himself too.

           Once they were alone, Nightwing looked at Robin who also had looked displeased with this arrangement. With a grunt, Nightwing leaped off the building, heading to the next rooftop, wanting to get this night over with.  When they eventually reached their location, they set up shop on the office building across the street from one of the Gotham National Bank’s branches in the Bowery. They staked out the area, looking for signs to Two-Face.

           Jason took it personally as they sat in complete silence. Halley had told him how talkative Grayson was and how doing missions with him was annoying sometimes, as the man just talked the entire time. Even with the couple of times they had hung out, like during the few times he’d come to visit and take Halley out for burgers, always giving Jason a pity invite, he noted how Dick Grayson just didn’t know how to stop talking.

           He huffed, leaning against an air conditioning unit atop the roof, pulling out his cell phone from its hiding place within his suit. He checked the time and huffed again, the boredom fully setting in now. He took his attention away from the bank again, now scrolling through his phone, debating which game to play. Deciding to play draw something, he clicked on the app. He lazily drew a lion and sent it to Halley, the only person he ever played with. He downloaded the app on her phone a while ago and occasionally the two would play during commercial breaks when they watched TV.

           He looked up from his phone as he waited for her to reply, checking to see if Dick caught him on his phone yet. He would never pull his phone out when he was with Bruce; hell, if Bruce knew he even brought his phone out on patrols he’d most likely be benched again but he just couldn’t stand here in silence with dickweed. He looked back down at his phone and away from the man he had been scorning when it vibrated. It wasn’t a notification for the game, instead, it was a text message from Halley.

           Aren’t you on patrol?

           Yea, he replied back, smirking as he continued to type. Bored and paired up with Dick. Who by the way is really living up to his name.

           He tapped his fingers against the back of his phone as he saw that she was typing. He stole another quick glance up, making sure he wasn’t caught yet. He wouldn’t put it past Dick to go ratting on him to Bruce if he did.

           Is everything okay?

           What’s he doing?        

           Where’s Bruce?

           I can talk to Dick for you…

           He rolled his eyes as she rapidly texted him back, knowing that she was probably in a frenzy on her bed wondering what happened between them. He quickly typed back, not wanting her to stress as he started to regret saying anything to her about it in the first place.  It’s cool, not a big deal. He’s just butthurt that I outsmarted him on a case we’re working on now.

            “B know you have that on you?” Jason should’ve known he’d be caught but something in him didn’t seem to care as Dick’s voice rang out. “You lose that thing or get captured and someone gets their hands on it, you’re screwed. That’s incredibly ire-,”

           “Irresponsible, yeah yeah,” Jason cut him off, waving him off with his hand before going back to read Halley’s response.  He clicked his phone off, sliding it into his hidden pocket after finishing reading over her text. It was nothing important, just telling him to stay off his phone. He rolled his eyes, pushing off the ac unit and walked towards the edge of the building where Dick stood.  

           “I get this part of the job can be boring, but you need to stay on your toes. You need to-,” Dick slacked his shoulders, over the kid’s attitude as he was cut off once again.

           “Yeah, yeah,” Jason snorted. “This isn’t my first rodeo, I’ve been doing this long enough.”

           “Clearly not.” Dick shot back, kicking the foot he had resting on the ledge to stand facing Jason face to face. He towered over the boy, having a good couple of inches on him. He peered down at him almost threateningly.

           “You made a good guess at the station, but you’re still sloppy. B’s told me about how you rush into things without thinking. You’re brash and dangerous. You’re going to get yourself hurt one of these day or worse; get someone else hurt.” Dick said, narrowing his eyes as he continued to lay it out onto the younger boy.

           Dick eyed the boy take in his words. He reacted how Dick expected, immaturely, by rolling his eyes and letting out an over exaggerated groan. Dick stood firm though, not knowing what either Halley or even Bruce saw in this kid. “You’re also disrespectful. If I talked to B the way I’ve heard you talk to him, I’d have my suit permanently taken away from me quicker than Flash can put his on. You still have a lot to learn kid.”

           “You know,” Jason started, scoffing and trying to bury Dick’s words deep. He didn’t want to show that Dick’s word’s had an impact on him but the former sidekick basically just laid out all of his insecurities right in front of him.  

           He knew Bruce wasn’t always pleased with him and his performance, but he thought he was getting better; Bruce told him in training today he was getting better.  Jason was still thrown off by the compliment and only slightly gushing over it, and he was sure as hell not going to let Nightwing bring him back down. Taking a step forward, trying to assert himself, Jason jabbed a finger into Dick’s chest continuing, “I didn’t know what you’re problem with me was until the police station and now.” Jason pulled his finger back, letting his hands fall to fists at his sides.  “You’re just jealous.”

           “You think I’m jealous?” Nightwing almost laughed, loosening his stance wanting to get comfortable as the boy nodded in confirmation.

           “No, I don’t think, I know you are.” Jason chuckled, knowing he could lay everything out just as neatly as Dick did for him. “You’re gone for months at a time; sure you come peek your head in every now and then to say hi but then you leave again. I think you realize you’re not needed here anymore and it eats you up inside.” Jason said with venom. “Gotham doesn’t need Nightwing and Batman doesn’t either. Batman and Gotham have me, Robin, not you. Hell, even Halley doesn’t need you anymore because she’s got me. You’re not needed anymore.”

           “You don’t know anything about me or her, or Bruce. You think you do, but you don’t.” Dick spat, feeling heat begin to rise in his cheeks. This kid didn’t know a goddamned thing.

           “Nah,” he smiled, taunting him now, feeling a nerve being struck in the older man as he mention Halley. “That’s where you’re wrong. You dumped her off here and have done the bare minimum to keep in contact with her. I’ve been there for her since you’ve left and it shows who she likes more and you can see that and it’s driving you crazy.”

           “Look kid,” Dick said, letting the anger get to him. He reached out grabbing Robin by the neckline of his suit, lifting him up off the ground as he pulled him closer, almost until their faces were inches apart.

           He was about to really drive it into him when the sound of tires squealing from below dragged his attention away. Still holding onto Robin, Nightwing craned his neck to look behind him and down to the street below. A van parked outside of the bank, the back door opening as a handful of guys filed out. The last one was their guy: Two-face. He jumped out of the back of the van as another pulled up next to him. He flipped his coin, Nightwing unsure as to why but assumed it wasn’t good as Two-face signaled for his now close to twenty guys to head to the doors of the bank.

           “Two-Face is at our location,” Nightwing let go of Robin, calling in Batman on his comms. He waited for Bruce to reply, preparing to grapple across to the bank.

           “Copy.” Batman’s voice cut through his ear piece. “I also have some of his men here. I’ll take care of them and head your way. Get Two-Face.”

           “Got it,” Nightwing replied, turning to face Robin to quickly try and make a plan of attack together but snarled when he saw the boy already swinging across to the next building.  This kid was going to get himself killed one day.

[i-d0nt-even-kn0w]

SPN Season 14 (and a little bit of 12 and 13) Critiques

Listen, I dislike when people hate new seasons of a show just because “the old ones were better” with no actual excuse, so I hope this post does not get perceived that way, but Supernatural’s writing and directing has decayed over the last few years, and season 14 episode 1 really just did it for me. I tried to ignore season 12′s mess of a storyline because the new characters were well done (in my opinion, of course--and Mary is excluded from this because although the actress is wonderful, I cannot get into her being back in the story for over a season. I’ll go more into that later), and season 13 had Gabriel and Rowena to pull me through the alternate universe plot and Jack who--as I’ll go into later--was another big punch in SPN’s writing integrity, but this one episode from 14 literally had me in shock.

So, with no more introduction, the list of critiques I have based of season 14′s ONE episode. I may pull in a bit of 12 and 13 too because they are where a lot of the issues started. There will be some things I liked about the episode too! But very little lol.

Spoilers ahead! Also opinions ahead--feel free to disagree with me, and I actually would really like to see what other people think! 

1. Filmography

That fight scene in the bar says it all. There have been some god awful editing of the footage since 13 (that Michael blue eyes zoom in at the end of 13? Unless they were trying to make a thriller joke, it was wack), but this one episode, like I said before, sent me into shock. The zoom ins, the shaky camera filming like we’re in the Office, the out of place music that does not really fit the Supernatural theme--I could go on. That fight scene had flashing lights, zoom ins, and more jump-cuts than a youtube video to the point we’re I had no idea what was going on. My brother watching with me literally was speechless for the entire fight, which felt like an eternity.

It felt dramatized in a Riverdale way. No shade to Riverdale, obviously, because that works for that show. But in Supernatural? It’s the Teen Titans Go effect--popular shows on a network influence older shows and, in my opinion, make those shows worse as a result. This leaks into my number 2...

2. Theme

It’s the 100. The theme is the 100. The show is the 100. (This is a joke I have never watched the 100, but when did Supernatural adopt a dystopia mood for their show?)

3. Wait a minute....... Who ARE you?

The centric theme of Supernatural is family and freewill. Sam and Dean are supposed to constantly be the centers of the show, but exceptions are made, and often have been really well done. I thought Bitten was a great episode, and episodes where Sam and Dean are separated are also a great way to look at the brothers from a different viewpoint. Even if you didn’t like Bitten or those type of episodes, however, that was okay. Why? Because they were one off episodes, if not maybe two or three. Dean being gone is fresh, and could be done well, but when the centric theme of family, aka people Sam and Dean trust and love like Cas, Bobby, Jo, Ellen, etc, is suddenly ruptured by extras (that are usually super fun in a one-off hunting episode, maybe a reoccurrence now and then) becoming apart of the brother’s daily life and the viewer’s weekly watching, it’s uncomfortable. Not because I or others hate change, but because it goes against a major theme of supernatural. Dean, Sam, and Cas are suddenly extremely close to people they don’t necessarily consider family, and that is very odd for the show.

In case you cannot tell, I care a lot about Supernatural’s themes. I don’t care if they shake things up, but the show’s values are important. They need to stick to them for it to be, well, Supernatural.

4. Not-Bobby and Mary

If they become canon, I’ll actually sink into the pit. You can pair together whoever you want--this one is very much so just an opinion. But in terms of writing, this just comes off as so wrong for many reasons. Maybe it’s because neither of them should be on earth in the first place.

Mary was such a wonderful and powerful character. Then they brought her back to life, which drained meaning out of her. She could have had a realization she does not belong on earth and go back to heaven at the end of 12, which would give Sam and Dean closure and actually be kinda nice. But nope. She’s still here. And what’s the point if the only available female character isn’t dating someone????? (she said, sarcastically)

Not-Bobby is just a way to keep Jim Beaver around, which yeah I get it i love him too, but why not just have some episodes like where Bobby helped the boys from heaven. That was fun. That was also real Bobby. If we were going to have Not-Bobby, I would at least like him to establish what Not-Charlie established (I liked her so much more)--they are not who the Winchesters knew in their universe. Not-Bobby gives off too much of an actual Bobby feel, and God knows I don’t want actual Bobby and Mary together... eeeee...

5. The alternate universe plot-line sucks in the context of Supernatural as a show

Speaks for itself.

6. Jack

Fellas. I’ll get hate for this (if anyone reads this, lol), but he’s a bad character.

He’s fan-service. Fan-service isn’t always bad, mind you, but it is when that is the bases for the character. A cute, younger boy (back to the Riverdale/the 100 teen drama throw in a more adult-centered show) who is reminiscent of all the things fans loved about quirky Castiel back in seasons 4 and 5. Jack was super over powered too, which made me struggle all throughout season 13 to not hate his character for what was just a writing death sentence. Now that he doesn’t have powers they’re finally trying to give him... depth? Pro tip: If it takes a whole season to give a character depth, it’s bad writing.

I’ll admit, though--I do love the dad Sam scenes. Not too much the dad Cas scenes because they’re often poorly written and unlike Cas imo. But eh.

Jack is like an OC. Sounds fun until put into practice.

Why couldn’t they have just... not killed Kevin and had him be the son-character he already was to the boys? Or not kill Charlie and let her be the little-sibling character she was to the boys? Why couldn’t either of those two very important characters become titular main characters instantly after being introduced, like Jack was? Maybe because they’re not white or a dude, respectively? Or because the show didn’t need to fill in the hole Mark Sheppard left for a main character until now? Hmm... 

In all realness, Jack is just too poorly written in my eyes to like, but I know people totally love him so please know that’s valid and I get it. I do love the actor, so there’s that.

7. Maggie

WHY DID SHE COME ALONG ON THE TRIP?? SHE COULDN’T USE A BLADE, BUT THEY PICKED HER TO COME ALONG?

I get the quirky humor, but SURELY there were other capable people they could have asked. Maggie is cute, but a throwaway for humor. I was trying to like her because, again, the actress was great and I love some comedy, but not at the expense of reason.

Also, again, no offense but I cannot deal with the parallel universe people and the storyline in general.

Now for some positives mixed with negatives!

8. Nick

Ohhhh boy. Nick could be the one good thing about this season IF they do not make it a “it was me, Lucifer all along!” cheap shot (which I know they will do, hence the negative). I think it would be a bigger plot twist if Nick WASN’T Lucifer. Sam could bond with a guy who went exactly through what he went through, we could have an established character back instead of these random new ones (like the vampire Michael brought in at the end with no context... like, I put Supernatural higher above other drama shows because it actually establishes a character and who they are before making them apart of the plot, like Gabriel being the janitor before he was the trickster, and the trickster before he was Gabriel. Cheap introductions with dramatic music in the background? Pass). 

I wanted Missouri back, she died. I wanted Gabriel back, he died. Nick will either be Lucifer or die, but I will cling onto every good old character there is until there are none left. There are good new characters too, sometimes, but they keep dying too (Eileen) so miss me with that argument.

Also there’s no way Nick could have survived. Jimmy died, why wouldn’t he? It’s Lucifer, but if it wasn’t? It’d be better. And also this totally is another cheap shot to keep Mark in the show, like with Jim. I love Mark, but we all know it.

9. Kip

I was SO pissed for most of the episode, because I thought that the show was actually trying to replace Crowley (you know the writing is bad when you expect SPN to pull something like that). I actually LOVED it when that show was self-aware and Kip was actually putting on a show--TRYING to be Crowley but miserably failing and being a pathetic knock-off. It was good, it was interesting, I was ready for the plot-line of Crowley’s irreplaceableness and how demons would deal with it.

But Kip died. Why wasn’t Asmodeus’ death that quick? He was an actual poorly written villain with nothing interesting to him.

In conclusion, this is why I nearly died watching the first episode of season 14. Will I stop watching? Not yet. SPN is a show I have loved since I was little--I watched it with my big sister, and now my little brother watches it with me. Does that mean the show is still good? In my opinion... no. 

I think the writers should stop pandering to the audience so much. I watched “Live Free Or Twi-Hard” after 14x01 to wash my eyes out with old SPN, and I remembered how much the show used to laugh at over-done trends. SPN was different and fun because it didn’t care, it did what the creators wanted, and it worked. It doesn’t feel like that any more. The show made fun of Twilight in that episode, yet “Wayward Sisters” had total Vampire Diaries narration (no offense to the pilot, but I have to admit... I didn’t like it. It could definitely be a good stand-alone show, and I did want it to be picked up, but it was completely out of place in Supernatural as a show. Again, because of the themes and shameless pandering to the teen audience).

Supernatural fans fell in love with Supernatural, not a teen CW drama. That does not mean fans can’t love those too--love all the TV teen dramas you want, I like those shows too--but the tropes for those type of shows fits in those type of shows. I can admit Supernatural is not a masterpiece, and it is a drama, but it’s not what they show has become now. And 14x01 makes that perfectly clear.

But that’s just my opinion, a Supernatural opinion! Thanks for reading!

[myassbrokethefall]

ghouli THOUGHTS as messily typed out while watching for the second time by: me

skip if you wish, there is nothing of substance here

this is one SWEETASS LOCATION and if they built the whole episode and the VA setting around it, fine by me

was William raised by those people who got arrested after making youtube videos of themselves doing shitty “pranks” to their children? because WHAT KIND OF “PRANK” IS THIS PAL

Remember when Gillian said she wouldn't come back to the show if they changed the themesong? What a weird fucking hill to die on

Scully: hypna-gogg-ia

I mean I get what Jim Wong is saying about how terrifying sleep paralysis is, but she was only frozen for like one second and then she gets up and it’s a regular dream

“dark figures are usually meant to be avoided” mulder kindly do not MANSPLAIN the RULES OF DARK FIGURES to me THANX

i wish i could see the apps on scully's ipad better. you know she plays a lot of neko atsume, and just purposely does not leave any food out but still checks it all the time to see that she has no cats visiting her and then leaves satisfied

Mulder: hypna-godge-ic. Is this a gif/jif situation?

oh my fucking jod we just got product-placed with a closeup of scully hooking into the ford's wifi i feel DIRTY I'M GOING TO TAKE A SHOWER BE RIGHT BACK

“followed since the airport”

Rental agent at airport: did you guys need to rent a car? 

Scully and Mulder: no thanks we'll just take ours, it's in the parking lot out back, we literally live 8 miles from here haha

seriously though THIS!!!! LOCATION!!!!!! 

mulder's jaded assessment of the monster gives me lyfe

sure, Frankenstein was afraid of fire in an early season 1 episode but then it was never fucking mentioned ever again. also I can’t believe MULDER OF ALL PEOPLE isn’t going to get nitpicky about Frankenstein being the DOCTOR

FRECKLES. btw can I just say, this 25-year-old show is now in super hi def here in the future and you can see every pore on Gillian and David’s faces, every thread on their clothes, and yet, they are still pancaking futilely over that mole. She should have just wiped it off before they rolled one day a la David deciding not to take off his wedding ring. Would they CGI it out?

“There's a lot of money to be made in scaring people” oh yes i'm sure jackson’s angelfire-looking emo blog is really raking in the ad dollarz

Mulder: why did you chase the dark figure?? don't you KNOW what the ACCEPTED PROTOCOL is with dark figures jesus christ SARAH

ok here is where I feel like it wouldn’t have hurt to hear more about how Van de Kamp is William's last name. alternatively, about it being that fishsticks empire

“oh my god mulder...i thought it when I heard the name but didn’t want to say it aloud...is it a coincidence or is this...that company that makes those fishsticks and had that super annoying commercial in the 90s”

plot twist: an FBI agent named Stan lives across the street from William and has ALMOST caught him shapeshifting 29,000 times but never actually quite has

aaaaand the van de kamps are dead oh well, no one will speak of them again in this episode or of the fishstick-making legacy they left behind

Mulder's hair looks boss in this episode

Mulder's look w/ emotional lip bite as they're zipping jackson into the bag is everything

hey DOD assholes does your crappy rental car have IN-CAR WIFI? LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY FORD WHERE ARE YOU GOING

don't you need the root of the hair to do DNA? scully don't you watch SVU

idk if this is chris carter derangement syndrome or what but it gives me a thrill when Scully says get a chance to know me “or your father” 😍😭

they just left the body bag open. guys please

also the body bag extreme closeup of the zipper slowly going down unfortunately reads as SEXY

mulder's protective skeptical face at the escaping body theory...so good

Endurance Drink

cut to: DOD agents frantically dumping Uncle Ben’s on the keyboard

i like how mulder starts pretending he can't hear skinner the moment his coffee is ready

csm 😑 why

why DID mulder want to meet out here, because skinner wouldn't come to his office for a dramatic slideshow? “this is where it all started...” “ACTUALLY this is where it ENDED” you could have done this inside a building you guys

i like...want to have sex with this gorgeously decrepit boat location, I love it so much

this psychiatrist doesn't seem all that concerned about the double murder that just happened

oh gillian please have a lozenge

“hey bob” mulder: *points to self* smooth

m&s just hanging all day in the coffee shop like on friends. remember the days when local law enforcement would give them an office to work out of? that gravy train is over apparently

“Fox doesn't exist in coffee shops” one day reading ghouli.net fanfic and scully is aaaaaall into coffee shop au

since when is muldo an expert on spatter patterns? are the cops just incompetent? PROFILING WONDERBOY

"oh babe...these look sick" doesn't that mean good? jackson get with the slang of today buddy

I can't believe he literally used the “it was a social experiment!” defense

“it started when I had my seizures” so does that mean he's only had the powers for a few months? and he got them and like...instantly decided to make an elaborate website to prank his two girlfriends that I guess he already had and had nothing to do with his powers, he was just into being a pickup artist before that? this is what comes of having youtube-obsessed parents who spend all their non-child-pranking time running their fishstick empire

he's good at kicking as well as mind pushing and picking up chicks

”Hey asian guy I saw at the gas station...are you Dr. Masao Matsumoto?” scully that is!!! racist

where did jackson get that SWEET RIDE...also couldn’t they put out an APB on a bright orange old-timey sedan?

love the american flags in the gas station “we are all definitely in america right now, otherwise WHY would we have these flags *nervous laughter*”

HEY SIR HEY WE NEED TO WATCH A VIDEO OF OURSELVES THAT WE JUST MADE THIS IS AN EMERGENCY FBI FBI

usually isn't there no sound on a security cam video? i don't care i'm glad there was 😭

perfect ending is perfect

[wineanddinosaur]

VinePair Podcast: How Craft Beer Can Thrive in the Pandemic

Covid-19 has presented real challenges for all segments of the alcohol industry, but perhaps the area most dramatically affected has been craft beer. Breweries that largely sold their beer through their own taprooms and other on-premise locations have had to pivot quickly — bottling and canning their beers and attempting to find space on crowded store shelves — while certain styles of beer that rely on extreme freshness have required a bit of rethinking.

That’s the topic for this week’s VinePair Podcast, as Adam Teeter, Erica Duecy, and Zach Geballe take a look at the state of the craft beer industry, discussing how breweries can continue to create communities even with limitations on in-person consumption, as well as other strategies for long-term survival.

Listen online

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Or check out our conversation here

Adam: From VinePair’s New York City headquarters, I mean my apartment in Brooklyn, New York. I’m Adam Teeter.

Erica: From Jersey City, I’m Erica Duecy.

Zach: And from the satellite campus in Seattle, Washington, I’m Zach Geballe.

A: And this is the VinePair podcast. I really did want to say VinePair’s New York City Headquarters, even though they’re still closed.

Z: I mean, it might as well be the headquarters at this point.

A: No, because that would also be Keith’s apartment, and Josh’s, and Danielle’s, and Erica’s. It would be everybody’s, it’s crazy. There’s one room I’m sitting in in my house that really does feel like it just has been taken over by VinePair, and I think Naomi’s getting really sick of that. I’m really excited about today’s topic but first, as always, we have to shout out to the sponsors. This week’s podcast is brought to you by Wild Turkey 101. Wild Turkey 101 is the high-proof bourbon ideal for enjoying classic cocktails how they were intended to be when they were invented. Aged longer for more character and using the same recipe since 1942, Wild Turkey 101 adds flavor and body to the Old Fashioned, the number one consumer cocktail. Never compromise, drink responsibly. Wild Turkey Kentucky Straight Bourbon whiskey, 50.5-percent ABV, 101 proof, copyright 2020 Campari America, New York, New York. Have to love that legal language at the end. I think Wild Turkey is a pretty delicious bourbon.

E: Yeah, it is good. I agree.

Z: Yeah. We’ve been running some cool “top lists” of whiskeys and Wild Turkey’s one of those, it’s not that expensive, it makes a great cocktail. It’s not, maybe, the thing that I would turn to absolutely first to just sip on its own, but in a cocktail and Old Fashioned — definitely delicious.

A: Wild Turkey 101 makes awesome cocktails. Speaking of drinks, let’s talk about what you guys are drinking this week.

Z: Tied into today’s theme, to some extent, I’ve been drinking a lot of craft beer, but a specific brewery because it fits my inactive lifestyle very well. I interviewed Bill Shufelt, who’s the founder of Athletic Brewing, which has focused on non-alcoholic beers and I’ve been drinking a lot of Free Wave, it’s a double hop IPA. I have tried a lot of non-alc beers running beverage programs, you end up buying and tasting them because at least I took that part of my job seriously, but it’s actually pretty convincingly beer. I find their hoppier styles are more beer, I guess it’s just that delivery of bitterness and aromatics that I appreciate. I’ve been drinking that, it fits that “I need something that’s more interesting to drink than water at 3:30, but I still have to deal with my son when he wakes up from his nap” part of my life.

A: I’m so interested. I have to say you’re now the second person who told me you actually think it’s good. Athletic Brewing, if you’re listening, you can send it to myself and Erica, because I’m super suspect. I’ve listened to their ads on tons of other podcasts, I think, and what I’ve always thought was really interesting is they’ve never really advertised alcohol. I hear them a lot on tech podcasts, “Do you want to get up in the morning and be able to do your presentation? If so, drink Athletic.” And I’ve always wondered if it’s any good. Cat also says it’s very good. I actually feel I need to try it now because you are now the second person who said, “Yeah, it’s not beer, but for a beer replacement it’s very good.”

Z: I would say it’s beer. What’s interesting, I think to me, is where I noticed that it doesn’t have the alcohol is halfway through the beer when I don’t feel any of the buzz. If I’m drinking a double IPA normally, it’s seven, eight, nine-percent alcohol, a lot of times. And by the time I’m halfway through a can or something, I can kind of feel it. It’s sort of weird, I don’t necessarily mind, it’s kind of nice too, to have the beer and not have the effect. But it is true that, as we talk about on this podcast, we do drink alcohol for the effect. And so I’m not saying I’ve given up alcohol, but it is nice. It gives me something more interesting to drink than water or something along those lines, if I’m not ready for it yet, more coffee. It’s a nice kind of alternative in the afternoon. I don’t drink it all day, every day but it’s a nice alternative.

E: Nice. I was really excited yesterday to be on the phone with Heather Green, who is the CEO and master blender of Milam & Greene Whiskey. She is based out of Texas, but they are now working, with a master distiller on their team at Marlene Holmes, who was at Jim Beam for her entire career. Man this whiskey, they just nationally released last night, it’s the Milam & Greene Triple Cask Strength bourbon whiskey, it’s fantastic. I was totally blown away and it’s so cool to see a woman owned and led whiskey company doing such great work. They’re a young company, so they are sourcing some of their juice but they’re also distilling in Texas and Kentucky, as well as finishing other whiskeys. I tried this, it was so smooth and a 94 proof spirit, it had such a kind of presence and depth to the character. I was totally floored.

A: There’s nothing specific that I’m super excited about this week like I was with the Negronis. I will say that over the past week, I’ve drunk a few things. One is, I did go back to Heaven Hill Bourbon, the Seven Year Old, which is a pretty delicious overproof. And I had that last night while watching the debate and cheering on the fly.

Z: Did you drink the whole bottle?

A: No. I think this debate was basically what they’re supposed to be, which is normal. Except that, one of the candidates lied a lot and evaded questions, but besides that, it was a pretty standard debate. There wasn’t as much of a desire for me to feel I needed to just down an entire bottle of bourbon. Also, I think I would not feel great afterwards. And then last weekend — gosh, it’s so weird that with corona it all blends together — I will say I actually had a terrible bottle of wine. I’m not going to name the producer, but I want to talk about what happened. And I want to get your opinion. We were at one of my favorite restaurants. I don’t want to talk about them because I think the food is amazing, I think this was the server’s fault. But it was Naomi’s birthday, and we haven’t been going out, but it was her birthday. We’re going to go out for dinner. We had outdoor seats, all this stuff. And I knew that this restaurant had lost their wine person a long time ago, and that basically it’s a hodgepodge of people buying the wines: The chef, manager, et cetera. And I know because of where we are in Brooklyn, it’s been leaning very dirty, natural — not just natural, but dirty natural. And so there were two wines we were looking at and Naomi said she really wanted a red. Not a bigger red, but something that had some nice acidity that would go really well with all the food, and it was Mediterranean. There was this Pinot Noir from Baden. And so I asked them about that bottle and they were like, “Oh, it’s really funky, totally grungy dirt.” And we say no and ask about this Nero d’Avola and she was like, “Oh, this is perfect. It’s classic Nero d’Avola and is one of our bestselling bottles. It pairs perfectly with all the food.” And I’m like cool. So she basically described the wine as being classic. So the bottle comes out and she pours me a taste. And I literally looked at Naomi and, if I didn’t know that this was natural, I would say that there was something wrong with it. Because it, of course, was natural and it was the dirtiest, just riddled with faults, and it was totally unpleasant to drink. But at this point we were just like whatever, screw it, I don’t know what else to do. And so we drank it. And it was not fun. The faults were so clear, and it was so off-putting that it kind of ruined that part of the meal. There were other parts that were great, we had a really nice glass prior that was delicious, as a way to toast her birthday. But whose misunderstanding was it here? And I didn’t want to get into it with her and say, “Hey, basically you made this sound like this was a totally conventional bottle of wine, but this is actually very dirty and natty and not a good wine, because there are natural wines that I do like but this is definitely not one of them.” And so that’s why we just drank it, because we didn’t know how to handle this situation. And we were just going to take one for the team and drink the wine. And of course when we looked at the import on the back, it was some importer we’d never heard of before based in Bushwick.

E: That’s a challenge. I mean, Zach, from the professional perspective of someone who’s worked on the floor a lot, what would you have recommended?

Z: Oh my God. This whole story made me almost break out in hives. I understand your general approach of “take one for the team,” but as a wine director, nothing can make me sadder than hearing customers talk that way. Especially when you’re out celebrating your wife’s birthday. Obviously these times, most people are not going out all the time. I would have loved for you to have said, “This is not what we’re looking for,” and again, restaurants are different and there are different approaches to this. From a restaurant side, I would just, graciously as I could, take that bottle back and say, “Hey, we get it. We’re saying sorry. Let’s try and find you something else. ”It’s hard for me, because I never ran a program where a lot of the wines we were selling were faulted. So I’m not really familiar with how you convince someone that a wine that’s flawed is good. I just tried to sell good wine. And that’s still a subjective thing, and different people have different tastes, but if a wine had an obvious fault and we opened it, it was of course going back. I was sending it back to the distributor and trying to walk a line there. What I would say is that, yeah maybe the server’s not super knowledgeable, but in the end, if they’re recommending food to you and it sucks — “Oh, we don’t have anything spicy,” and they bring out something that’s loaded with spice — that’s not your fault, you don’t take that one for the team. You don’t have an incrementally unpleasant dining experience because they did a s***** job. No, you tell them, “Look, this is super spicy. We don’t want it. We want something mild.” If you want something super spicy and they bring out something bland as hell that’s not your fault, that’s the server’s fault and the restaurant’s fault. They should be able to communicate to you the basics about the wine program. And if you say, “Hey, we don’t want funky, dirty wine,” either they can say, “Well, unfortunately, we don’t have anything that meets your needs.” You can decide what you want to do then. Or they can bring you a wine that isn’t funky and dirty. I would just say they failed. And I totally understand not wanting to be the person who says “excuse me,” but, all of you listening out there, be the person who says “excuse me.” Restaurants want you to leave happy, not to go on your podcast the next week.

A: True. I mean, there was so much there. We’ve talked about this before, about us realizing what a privilege it is to be dining out, and I was also thinking about the server and how she may not want to be there, but she is. And I’m not going to be the person that does this right now, but it sucked. I get that there is that movement. And now there also is this weird thing where it’s “what can you trust?” Because if it says Nero d’Avola, and it’s from the area where I know it’s going to usually be very good in Sicily, I was going to assume it was what I thought we would want. And when she said it was typical. Do you know what typical narrow Nero d’Avola tastes like? Or have you only tasted very natty ones at this restaurant? Which also then becomes hard, because then you have the issue of what is the word typical? I would say the word typical is what the majority of people would agree is what the grape tastes like. Not what a few people at some super hipster places think the grape tastes like. It was a bummer because even Naomi — she’s the one in the relationship that loves the natural wines more than I do — even she tasted something bad.

Z: And in the end, that’s the problem. That should not be your experience walking away from a drink or a meal, being like, “This was bad.” That’s hopefully not what anyone’s aiming for.

E: That sucks.

A: Let’s talk about the state of craft beer, because it’s craft beer month at VinePair and we’ve devoted a large amount of our content for the month of October to the world of American craft beer — which has been a very exciting world of beverage for quite a long time. Within the last decade, prior to 2020, it was really a massive boom time. Every year, hundreds if not thousands of new craft breweries were opening across the country. But now, it seems that of all three of the areas of alcohol, the one that’s being the most impacted by Covid is craft beer. It also seems, all of a sudden, maybe there’s a little bit less interest in craft beer than they’re used to. So we thought it’d be fun if we chatted about this area, and what we think is really happening in craft beer right now. What’s exciting, and what needs a little bit of a jolt to become more exciting.

E: From my perspective, I will be the first to say that craft beer, or any beer, is not my area of expertise, so where I can help is providing some statistics. According to the IWS, craft beer is down 12 to 15 percent overall for the first half of this year. That is largely because of the many on-premise closures and capacity restrictions. When you think about the different categories, craft beer, especially, is focused on-premise. Bart Watson, the chief economist for the Brewers Association, says on-premise sales account for about 45 percent of craft beer volume before Covid-19, about half. Without that channel, we are seeing the off-premise sales up between 11 and 16 percent, according to Nielsen data, during the Covid affected period. But that doesn’t cancel out the widespread losses from sales at bars and restaurants. That’s kind of the bigger picture that we’re looking at here.And there’s been a lot of challenges for craft brewers who are looking to pivot into canning from what they’ve previously been doing — kegs for example — which is tough, operationally. If you’re not set up for a high volume of canning, you may have to rely on mobile canning lines that may only be available in higher-density areas. Not as much in rural areas. There’s been this ongoing aluminum can shortage. And that existed before the pandemic. But Covid has exacerbated that because of the growing demand for aluminum cans, not just in beer, but also in wine cans, seltzer, et cetera. So those are some of the challenges that craft beer brewers are facing right now.

Z: I think the other thing that goes along with what you’re saying, Erica, is for a lot of craft breweries, especially ones on the very, very small nanoscale, all the way up to the medium-sized craft breweries, much of their profit — not necessarily gross revenue, but profit — comes from a taproom. And in most of the places in the country, the best you’re able to offer is limited capacity, or your taproom was closed for some amount of time, or it’s still closed. You can have some limited outdoor seating, but maybe not nearly as much as what you had before. And every brewer and brewery-owner that I’ve talked to in this period points to this very real fact that the smaller you are, the more dependent you are on that often one location where you’re generating a whole lot of your revenue. And if it’s closed or even limited (and again, maybe people have been okay through the warmer months and as most of the country heads into fall and winter and outdoor seating is a lot more complicated, if it’s even an option), a lot of them are looking at real challenges to the central piece of their model. Along with that, I think is this other real central conceit to craft brewing, which is that for so long, the selling point for craft beer, along with of course the quality of the product, was the convivial nature of beer. We think of beer as this hyper-social beverage, even maybe more so than wine or spirits. And whether it’s in a brewery, at a beer bar, at a tailgate, all these ways of getting together and enjoying beer are greatly curtailed for most of us, if not completely off-limits. And beer may just have a harder time fitting into the existing models for consumption that we have, especially if it’s smaller scale and not readily available at the grocery store or online. You guys can listen to some of the interviews we’ve had and have coming up on the Next Round part of this feed, but there’s lots of interesting things going on where brewers are experimenting with ways to continue to keep that connection with their customers alive. But it’s more challenging, I think, for beer than anyone else.

A: I think this is interesting. Some of the points you’re raising, Zach, reinforce this theory that I have that’s a hot take. I think the biggest trend in craft beer of the past four to five years is the reason craft beer is suffering now. And that trend is the hazy, because for those beers, which are so amazing, freshness is key and limited supply is key. And so when you build a brewery that initially is all built not on distribution to grocery stores — which is where all of us wound up in the pandemic — we reencountered Lagunitas, which some of us hadn’t drunk in decades. Or we reencountered bear Bear Republic, or some of these other OG craft breweries. And if you relied on line culture — people who would be willing on a Saturday or Sunday morning to come and line up at the brewery and wait for the beer and then have that community that we talked about, and you relied on really being very, very vigilant when it came to shelf control (and that’s why a lot of retailers never wanted to stock some of these beers, because a lot of the breweries were actually really hard on the distributor who was really hard on the retail) it means that when a pandemic happens, people aren’t willing to wait in line and you’re not set up to know how to do delivery, because you haven’t had to do that in the past. I think a lot of breweries fell behind because they became known for this style of beer that is absolutely delicious. Cat jokes and says that I’m a “haze bro.” I love hazy beers. I think they’re delicious. But they’re harder to find. At least in the first two to three months, the grocery store that I went to had none of them besides Threes, and Threes is one of the exceptions. Shout out to them, their infrastructure, and the way that they do their business in New York City. A lot of people could learn from them. I think the way that they handle getting the beer still into all the larger retailers is pretty unique. But I think, for the most part, all those other breweries had a very hard time, and now the opposite has happened. Now they all flooded retail. We talked about the beers that we’ve all enjoyed during the pandemic, and Josh was saying he’s gotten to drink beers that he never would have gotten to be able to just walk down to the corner bodega and buy, because he would have had to go to the brewery to get it. And now they’re so desperate to get it into retail, and a lot of them are also being a little bit less vigilant about those “buy on” dates. They’re not as worried anymore that the beer has to be consumed within a week of canning, which is what a lot of people used to think. That was the whole allure of the fresh, hazy IPA. If it wasn’t fresh, that haze diminished — it kind of fell out of the beer. It didn’t have the pillowy mouthfeel everyone was obsessed with. And the fruitiness. All that stuff that made that beer so mind-altering to so many people who had drunk crappier beer for so long. That’s my first hot take. My other hot take is: I think the other thing that happened at craft breweries is a lot of them got into seltzer, and White Claw and Truly kicked their a**. That, again, is a supply issue. And a lot of craft breweries started making seltzer when the breweries were packed to have something else on tap that they could serve to people who didn’t want a ton of these massively high-alcohol beers we talked about at the beginning. How many IPAs can you drink? But now that we’re in a pandemic, White Claw and Truly are everywhere. and this obscure hard seltzer that probably wasn’t that much of a focus for the brewery but helped pay the bills when they were open is not going to be the thing that people reach for. So I think that those things align with everything else you’re saying, it’s just harder for them than for almost anyone else. And no one has figured out how to create this beer that took the beer world by storm as a shelf-stable product yet. Hazy Little Thing really isn’t that. Sierra Nevada says it is, it’s not. The question is this new Dogfish beer that just got announced, which is going to have oat milk in it. It’s the oats that are actually going to make it hazy. Is that going to be it? Because that’s the only way you’re going to recreate these beers without relying on freshness. There’s going to have to be something else chemically that happens that makes them hazy and pillowy and what I refer to as what eggs look like when you add milk to them and you scramble them. I don’t know. It’s going to be interesting. I think it’s going to be tough because that style of beer is what made Other Half famous. It’s what made Grimm famous. I remember, Erica, when we had the staff picnic and I was talking to Jonno, your husband, and he mentioned one of the OGs of that movement, I can’t remember which one it was, but it was one of the beers everyone was excited about.

E: The thing I see more than anything is fruited sours and just fruit beer everywhere. I don’t know how fresh those have to be, though. I’m thinking of the Dogfish Head SeaQuench and all those sorts of beers that have really pronounced fruitiness to them. Do those beers have to be as fresh? What’s the situation there?

A: Not that I know of, but I’m curious what Zach thinks here. I think that sours are polarizing, and I think what was so interesting about the hazys was that they’re incredibly welcoming to almost anyone, it tastes like f***ing orange juice, and that’s why I’ve always been a big IPA fan. I used to think of Racer 5 as one of my top beers. I love that IPA. That beer is amazing. Also Bell’s Two Hearted is an amazing beer but that was a style of IPA that was for people who like bitterness. I could never get Naomi to drink IPAs, but she loves hazys. I think that sours are the same. Naomi loves sours. I’m going to give you guys a little TMI, but I have massive acid reflux. That’s also why I don’t like natural wine. I can’t do it. The Brett inside those beers, I can have one but I could never think that I’d go and invest in a six pack, but I don’t know exactly. What do you think?

Z: I think that it’s really interesting that we’re talking about the freshness of beers because I think, in general, that’s something that even outside of hazys and beers where, especially in the Pacific Northwest, we’re in the midst of fresh hop season and those beers are, again, another thing where you want that beer fresh from the tank, if possible. And if not that then in the can for as little time as possible. But all beer, with the exception of maybe some darker beers that are designed to age, almost all beer benefits from being consumed pretty fresh. One thing that we’re just seeing is that breweries of all scales, but especially on the craft side, are really trying to figure out how to get product in people’s hands. For the most part, you’re not going to go buy a 24 pack of your favorite craft beer. You probably don’t want to drink the same one of those every day or two of them a day for 12 days or whatever. But also the beer just isn’t as good, as enjoyable, at the end of that. One of the challenges that I think that craft brewing has had is the compulsion that people had, especially earlier in the pandemic, to get as much of everything as they can. “I got to pack my house, my apartment, whatever, with everything that I could possibly need.” And I think people have come out of that a little bit, but still there’s that challenge of — if you’re only going to the store once a week, or you’re going to go to a brewery to stock up but you’re not going to go every week, you’re going to go once a month or every two months — you kind of have to find this balance of what is going to be shelf-stable enough to last through that period. I also think with the sours, the other problem for beers is that we are seeing a shift (and again, this is where I come back to the closures or limitations on taprooms, where the current contexts for drinking these beverages is different)m and so one of the reasons why I think the hazy has become so popular. Not just because of what Adam said, or maybe in conjunction with what Adam said about how welcoming it is, it’s also a great beer to just drink by itself. That’s a complete thing unto itself. Whereas, to me, a sour, whether it’s fruited or otherwise, that’s a beer I need to eat something with. The same way that a high-acid wine — I don’t really want to drink those things. I don’t have the same issues with the reflux, but still I don’t want to drink a really high-acid anything without something to go along with it. And so those higher-acid beverages, I think, are more shelf-stable. I would bet just chemically that it has to be part of the problem for a hazy. You don’t have that acid balance to keep the thing fresh. Milk is going to go bad faster than lemonade, just the reality of it. But it’s something that people could revisit, if they haven’t done it in a while, because for those of us who are consuming at home, maybe thinking about having beer with food, that’s where those drinks shine. They’re their brightest in that context, where you can use a meal or snack or something to balance them out. Whereas, I think a hazy or something, you can just crush that, watch Netflix, it doesn’t need anything else to make it enjoyable. I don’t know that it’s something I would say that, necessarily, I’m going to go back to some of the beers that I used to drink as much. But that is where I think really bitter IPAs and sours, those more extreme ends could perhaps come back and do a little bit of prominence. Because I think they’re both more shelf-stable and they’re also more enjoyable in the setting that most of us are consuming things: At home, with a meal or snacks.

A: I think that there’s the same craft beers kind of really influx right now because I really feel even two or three years ago, maybe even a year ago, it was the area of alcohol that a lot people would have said was the most exciting. It was working on becoming more open — it still was predominantly beer bros, but it was working on becoming more open. There was an accessibility, at least when it came to people who were drinking, that it felt people would get into it more easily than other areas of the drinks world. The branding was always really interesting. A lot of people I’ve talked to think that now a lot of those natural wine labels were influenced by craft beer. And a lot of wine people want to have their cool craft beer area of the wine world. I think everything we’ve said here is true. The business model, that’s the gray, it’s just suffering more than any other area of alcohol I can’t think of. I love craft cocktail bars. But those aren’t, to me, a third space. I can’t sit at a craft cocktail bar and pay $15 a drink for very long. Whereas you can sit at a brewery all day and have $6 to $8 pints and have a great time. And usually there’s a food truck. And the same for wine bars. I know there’s a lot of them, but are they really a place that you’re going to just hang out with your buddies and catch up in the same way? Probably not. And wine, to me, has always been much more of a restaurant thing or an at-home thing, which is what I drink most often. I think that’s what it is. And it’s sad, because I think it’s going to take longer for it to come back than the others. It’s just not going to be as quick as everything else.

E: I agree. I’ll just put in one little fact here, which I found interesting, as of June 30th there were 8,217 active craft breweries in the U.S. That was up 100 percent from a year ago. It takes a lot of time to open a brewery, several years, People are still opening. But what I found interesting was that between Q2 and Q3 of this year, there were still 219 new brewery permit applications. It’s the slowest amount of growth in 11 quarters, but it’s still growing. So I think people still see craft beer as a possible area where they can make money, or maybe it’s all the people in finance who’ve said, “Screw it, I’m done here and I’m just going to go open a brewery.”

Z: I will say my one bit of silver lining for this whole conversation is that statistics say that homebrewing has taken off again in a big way during the pandemic. I do think that one cool possibility coming out of this is that you will have had a lot of people who either had more time to do homebrewing or took it up for the first time. And I mean, again, homebrewing is where the craft beer movement was born. It’s still how it mostly gets its start. Many people who start breweries start out by brewing at home. It’s relatively easy to do that. Adam, you have personal experience, and I think in general it’s certainly possible that when we’re talking to brewers five or 10 years from now and how they got started, a lot of them probably will say, “During Covid, I decided to take the plunge: I’m going to try homebrewing. I’m going to give it a shot.” And from this opportunity, maybe some of the great breweries of the 2020s will be born.

A: That’s actually really true. I’m not going to open a sourdough bakery, but I could. And seriously, Erica, I’ll let you plug it. We got a great homebrewing column, guys.

E: It’s a really wonderful column. If you haven’t checked it out it’s called BIY: Brew It Yourself, and Mandy Naglich, she is a pro home brewer. It’s a really highly read column so people seem to be engaged. It’s been growing during the pandemic. So I think there’s a lot of interest in people saying “I’ve graduated from sourdough. Let me try homebrewing.”

A: Yeah. And she even has a column where she writes about how to make a hazy, which I thought was really interesting because it’s actually going to teach you how to do that. I never, when I was brewing, thought I could have attempted that. But I think it shows people are willing to try these things. I think you’re very much going to be right there, Zach. I think we’re going to have a lot of breweries that open up, and when you ask why, they’re going to say, “We left whatever city we lived in, we moved to this place, we got more space, we started homebrewing, and we realized ‘Oh, this will be a nice life.’” And they opened. I can totally see that.

E: Yeah. Me, too.

A: Well, guys, this has been another amazing conversation, as always. I think every time we talk this stuff out, we go into it thinking, “Okay, is this going to be something that should be all doom and gloom?” And then I come out and I feel really positive about everything. Thank you guys very much.

Z: Just here to brighten your day.

A: Thanks, guys. Well for everyone listening, we’re here to brighten your day as well, which is why we’d love you to leave us a review, tell your friends, rate us on iTunes, Spotify, wherever you get your podcasts. It definitely helps other people discover the show. Erica, Zach, I’ll see you right back here next week.

E: Talk to you then.

Z: Sounds great.

A: Before we officially go, a word from the sponsor of this week’s podcast, Wild Turkey 101. Wild Turkey 101 is the high-proof bourbon ideal for enjoying classic cocktails how they were intended to be when they were invented. Aged longer for more character and using the same recipe since 1942, Wild Turkey 101 adds flavor and body to the Old Fashioned, the number one consumer cocktail. Never compromise, drink responsibly. Wild Turkey Kentucky Straight Bourbon whiskey, 50.5-percent ABV, 101 proof, copyright 2020 Campari America, New York, New York.

Thanks so much for listening to the VinePair Podcast. If you enjoy listening to us every week, please leave us a review or rating on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, or wherever it is that you get your podcasts. It really helps everyone else discover the show. Now, for the credits. VinePair is produced and hosted by Zach Geballe, Erica Duecy and me: Adam Teeter. Our engineer is Nick Patri and Keith Beavers. I’d also like to give a special shout out to my VinePair co-founder Josh Malin and the rest of the VinePair team for their support. Thanks so much for listening and we’ll see you again right here next week.

Ed. note: This episode has been edited for length and clarity.

The article VinePair Podcast: How Craft Beer Can Thrive in the Pandemic appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/podcast-craft-beer-pandemic/

[johnboothus]

VinePair Podcast: How Craft Beer Can Thrive in the Pandemic

Covid-19 has presented real challenges for all segments of the alcohol industry, but perhaps the area most dramatically affected has been craft beer. Breweries that largely sold their beer through their own taprooms and other on-premise locations have had to pivot quickly — bottling and canning their beers and attempting to find space on crowded store shelves — while certain styles of beer that rely on extreme freshness have required a bit of rethinking.

That’s the topic for this week’s VinePair Podcast, as Adam Teeter, Erica Duecy, and Zach Geballe take a look at the state of the craft beer industry, discussing how breweries can continue to create communities even with limitations on in-person consumption, as well as other strategies for long-term survival.

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Adam: From VinePair’s New York City headquarters, I mean my apartment in Brooklyn, New York. I’m Adam Teeter.

Erica: From Jersey City, I’m Erica Duecy.

Zach: And from the satellite campus in Seattle, Washington, I’m Zach Geballe.

A: And this is the VinePair podcast. I really did want to say VinePair’s New York City Headquarters, even though they’re still closed.

Z: I mean, it might as well be the headquarters at this point.

A: No, because that would also be Keith’s apartment, and Josh’s, and Danielle’s, and Erica’s. It would be everybody’s, it’s crazy. There’s one room I’m sitting in in my house that really does feel like it just has been taken over by VinePair, and I think Naomi’s getting really sick of that. I’m really excited about today’s topic but first, as always, we have to shout out to the sponsors. This week’s podcast is brought to you by Wild Turkey 101. Wild Turkey 101 is the high-proof bourbon ideal for enjoying classic cocktails how they were intended to be when they were invented. Aged longer for more character and using the same recipe since 1942, Wild Turkey 101 adds flavor and body to the Old Fashioned, the number one consumer cocktail. Never compromise, drink responsibly. Wild Turkey Kentucky Straight Bourbon whiskey, 50.5-percent ABV, 101 proof, copyright 2020 Campari America, New York, New York. Have to love that legal language at the end. I think Wild Turkey is a pretty delicious bourbon.

E: Yeah, it is good. I agree.

Z: Yeah. We’ve been running some cool “top lists” of whiskeys and Wild Turkey’s one of those, it’s not that expensive, it makes a great cocktail. It’s not, maybe, the thing that I would turn to absolutely first to just sip on its own, but in a cocktail and Old Fashioned — definitely delicious.

A: Wild Turkey 101 makes awesome cocktails. Speaking of drinks, let’s talk about what you guys are drinking this week.

Z: Tied into today’s theme, to some extent, I’ve been drinking a lot of craft beer, but a specific brewery because it fits my inactive lifestyle very well. I interviewed Bill Shufelt, who’s the founder of Athletic Brewing, which has focused on non-alcoholic beers and I’ve been drinking a lot of Free Wave, it’s a double hop IPA. I have tried a lot of non-alc beers running beverage programs, you end up buying and tasting them because at least I took that part of my job seriously, but it’s actually pretty convincingly beer. I find their hoppier styles are more beer, I guess it’s just that delivery of bitterness and aromatics that I appreciate. I’ve been drinking that, it fits that “I need something that’s more interesting to drink than water at 3:30, but I still have to deal with my son when he wakes up from his nap” part of my life.

A: I’m so interested. I have to say you’re now the second person who told me you actually think it’s good. Athletic Brewing, if you’re listening, you can send it to myself and Erica, because I’m super suspect. I’ve listened to their ads on tons of other podcasts, I think, and what I’ve always thought was really interesting is they’ve never really advertised alcohol. I hear them a lot on tech podcasts, “Do you want to get up in the morning and be able to do your presentation? If so, drink Athletic.” And I’ve always wondered if it’s any good. Cat also says it’s very good. I actually feel I need to try it now because you are now the second person who said, “Yeah, it’s not beer, but for a beer replacement it’s very good.”

Z: I would say it’s beer. What’s interesting, I think to me, is where I noticed that it doesn’t have the alcohol is halfway through the beer when I don’t feel any of the buzz. If I’m drinking a double IPA normally, it’s seven, eight, nine-percent alcohol, a lot of times. And by the time I’m halfway through a can or something, I can kind of feel it. It’s sort of weird, I don’t necessarily mind, it’s kind of nice too, to have the beer and not have the effect. But it is true that, as we talk about on this podcast, we do drink alcohol for the effect. And so I’m not saying I’ve given up alcohol, but it is nice. It gives me something more interesting to drink than water or something along those lines, if I’m not ready for it yet, more coffee. It’s a nice kind of alternative in the afternoon. I don’t drink it all day, every day but it’s a nice alternative.

E: Nice. I was really excited yesterday to be on the phone with Heather Green, who is the CEO and master blender of Milam & Greene Whiskey. She is based out of Texas, but they are now working, with a master distiller on their team at Marlene Holmes, who was at Jim Beam for her entire career. Man this whiskey, they just nationally released last night, it’s the Milam & Greene Triple Cask Strength bourbon whiskey, it’s fantastic. I was totally blown away and it’s so cool to see a woman owned and led whiskey company doing such great work. They’re a young company, so they are sourcing some of their juice but they’re also distilling in Texas and Kentucky, as well as finishing other whiskeys. I tried this, it was so smooth and a 94 proof spirit, it had such a kind of presence and depth to the character. I was totally floored.

A: There’s nothing specific that I’m super excited about this week like I was with the Negronis. I will say that over the past week, I’ve drunk a few things. One is, I did go back to Heaven Hill Bourbon, the Seven Year Old, which is a pretty delicious overproof. And I had that last night while watching the debate and cheering on the fly.

Z: Did you drink the whole bottle?

A: No. I think this debate was basically what they’re supposed to be, which is normal. Except that, one of the candidates lied a lot and evaded questions, but besides that, it was a pretty standard debate. There wasn’t as much of a desire for me to feel I needed to just down an entire bottle of bourbon. Also, I think I would not feel great afterwards. And then last weekend — gosh, it’s so weird that with corona it all blends together — I will say I actually had a terrible bottle of wine. I’m not going to name the producer, but I want to talk about what happened. And I want to get your opinion. We were at one of my favorite restaurants. I don’t want to talk about them because I think the food is amazing, I think this was the server’s fault. But it was Naomi’s birthday, and we haven’t been going out, but it was her birthday. We’re going to go out for dinner. We had outdoor seats, all this stuff. And I knew that this restaurant had lost their wine person a long time ago, and that basically it’s a hodgepodge of people buying the wines: The chef, manager, et cetera. And I know because of where we are in Brooklyn, it’s been leaning very dirty, natural — not just natural, but dirty natural. And so there were two wines we were looking at and Naomi said she really wanted a red. Not a bigger red, but something that had some nice acidity that would go really well with all the food, and it was Mediterranean. There was this Pinot Noir from Baden. And so I asked them about that bottle and they were like, “Oh, it’s really funky, totally grungy dirt.” And we say no and ask about this Nero d’Avola and she was like, “Oh, this is perfect. It’s classic Nero d’Avola and is one of our bestselling bottles. It pairs perfectly with all the food.” And I’m like cool. So she basically described the wine as being classic. So the bottle comes out and she pours me a taste. And I literally looked at Naomi and, if I didn’t know that this was natural, I would say that there was something wrong with it. Because it, of course, was natural and it was the dirtiest, just riddled with faults, and it was totally unpleasant to drink. But at this point we were just like whatever, screw it, I don’t know what else to do. And so we drank it. And it was not fun. The faults were so clear, and it was so off-putting that it kind of ruined that part of the meal. There were other parts that were great, we had a really nice glass prior that was delicious, as a way to toast her birthday. But whose misunderstanding was it here? And I didn’t want to get into it with her and say, “Hey, basically you made this sound like this was a totally conventional bottle of wine, but this is actually very dirty and natty and not a good wine, because there are natural wines that I do like but this is definitely not one of them.” And so that’s why we just drank it, because we didn’t know how to handle this situation. And we were just going to take one for the team and drink the wine. And of course when we looked at the import on the back, it was some importer we’d never heard of before based in Bushwick.

E: That’s a challenge. I mean, Zach, from the professional perspective of someone who’s worked on the floor a lot, what would you have recommended?

Z: Oh my God. This whole story made me almost break out in hives. I understand your general approach of “take one for the team,” but as a wine director, nothing can make me sadder than hearing customers talk that way. Especially when you’re out celebrating your wife’s birthday. Obviously these times, most people are not going out all the time. I would have loved for you to have said, “This is not what we’re looking for,” and again, restaurants are different and there are different approaches to this. From a restaurant side, I would just, graciously as I could, take that bottle back and say, “Hey, we get it. We’re saying sorry. Let’s try and find you something else. ”It’s hard for me, because I never ran a program where a lot of the wines we were selling were faulted. So I’m not really familiar with how you convince someone that a wine that’s flawed is good. I just tried to sell good wine. And that’s still a subjective thing, and different people have different tastes, but if a wine had an obvious fault and we opened it, it was of course going back. I was sending it back to the distributor and trying to walk a line there. What I would say is that, yeah maybe the server’s not super knowledgeable, but in the end, if they’re recommending food to you and it sucks — “Oh, we don’t have anything spicy,” and they bring out something that’s loaded with spice — that’s not your fault, you don’t take that one for the team. You don’t have an incrementally unpleasant dining experience because they did a s***** job. No, you tell them, “Look, this is super spicy. We don’t want it. We want something mild.” If you want something super spicy and they bring out something bland as hell that’s not your fault, that’s the server’s fault and the restaurant’s fault. They should be able to communicate to you the basics about the wine program. And if you say, “Hey, we don’t want funky, dirty wine,” either they can say, “Well, unfortunately, we don’t have anything that meets your needs.” You can decide what you want to do then. Or they can bring you a wine that isn’t funky and dirty. I would just say they failed. And I totally understand not wanting to be the person who says “excuse me,” but, all of you listening out there, be the person who says “excuse me.” Restaurants want you to leave happy, not to go on your podcast the next week.

A: True. I mean, there was so much there. We’ve talked about this before, about us realizing what a privilege it is to be dining out, and I was also thinking about the server and how she may not want to be there, but she is. And I’m not going to be the person that does this right now, but it sucked. I get that there is that movement. And now there also is this weird thing where it’s “what can you trust?” Because if it says Nero d’Avola, and it’s from the area where I know it’s going to usually be very good in Sicily, I was going to assume it was what I thought we would want. And when she said it was typical. Do you know what typical narrow Nero d’Avola tastes like? Or have you only tasted very natty ones at this restaurant? Which also then becomes hard, because then you have the issue of what is the word typical? I would say the word typical is what the majority of people would agree is what the grape tastes like. Not what a few people at some super hipster places think the grape tastes like. It was a bummer because even Naomi — she’s the one in the relationship that loves the natural wines more than I do — even she tasted something bad.

Z: And in the end, that’s the problem. That should not be your experience walking away from a drink or a meal, being like, “This was bad.” That’s hopefully not what anyone’s aiming for.

E: That sucks.

A: Let’s talk about the state of craft beer, because it’s craft beer month at VinePair and we’ve devoted a large amount of our content for the month of October to the world of American craft beer — which has been a very exciting world of beverage for quite a long time. Within the last decade, prior to 2020, it was really a massive boom time. Every year, hundreds if not thousands of new craft breweries were opening across the country. But now, it seems that of all three of the areas of alcohol, the one that’s being the most impacted by Covid is craft beer. It also seems, all of a sudden, maybe there’s a little bit less interest in craft beer than they’re used to. So we thought it’d be fun if we chatted about this area, and what we think is really happening in craft beer right now. What’s exciting, and what needs a little bit of a jolt to become more exciting.

E: From my perspective, I will be the first to say that craft beer, or any beer, is not my area of expertise, so where I can help is providing some statistics. According to the IWS, craft beer is down 12 to 15 percent overall for the first half of this year. That is largely because of the many on-premise closures and capacity restrictions. When you think about the different categories, craft beer, especially, is focused on-premise. Bart Watson, the chief economist for the Brewers Association, says on-premise sales account for about 45 percent of craft beer volume before Covid-19, about half. Without that channel, we are seeing the off-premise sales up between 11 and 16 percent, according to Nielsen data, during the Covid affected period. But that doesn’t cancel out the widespread losses from sales at bars and restaurants. That’s kind of the bigger picture that we’re looking at here.And there’s been a lot of challenges for craft brewers who are looking to pivot into canning from what they’ve previously been doing — kegs for example — which is tough, operationally. If you’re not set up for a high volume of canning, you may have to rely on mobile canning lines that may only be available in higher-density areas. Not as much in rural areas. There’s been this ongoing aluminum can shortage. And that existed before the pandemic. But Covid has exacerbated that because of the growing demand for aluminum cans, not just in beer, but also in wine cans, seltzer, et cetera. So those are some of the challenges that craft beer brewers are facing right now.

Z: I think the other thing that goes along with what you’re saying, Erica, is for a lot of craft breweries, especially ones on the very, very small nanoscale, all the way up to the medium-sized craft breweries, much of their profit — not necessarily gross revenue, but profit — comes from a taproom. And in most of the places in the country, the best you’re able to offer is limited capacity, or your taproom was closed for some amount of time, or it’s still closed. You can have some limited outdoor seating, but maybe not nearly as much as what you had before. And every brewer and brewery-owner that I’ve talked to in this period points to this very real fact that the smaller you are, the more dependent you are on that often one location where you’re generating a whole lot of your revenue. And if it’s closed or even limited (and again, maybe people have been okay through the warmer months and as most of the country heads into fall and winter and outdoor seating is a lot more complicated, if it’s even an option), a lot of them are looking at real challenges to the central piece of their model. Along with that, I think is this other real central conceit to craft brewing, which is that for so long, the selling point for craft beer, along with of course the quality of the product, was the convivial nature of beer. We think of beer as this hyper-social beverage, even maybe more so than wine or spirits. And whether it’s in a brewery, at a beer bar, at a tailgate, all these ways of getting together and enjoying beer are greatly curtailed for most of us, if not completely off-limits. And beer may just have a harder time fitting into the existing models for consumption that we have, especially if it’s smaller scale and not readily available at the grocery store or online. You guys can listen to some of the interviews we’ve had and have coming up on the Next Round part of this feed, but there’s lots of interesting things going on where brewers are experimenting with ways to continue to keep that connection with their customers alive. But it’s more challenging, I think, for beer than anyone else.

A: I think this is interesting. Some of the points you’re raising, Zach, reinforce this theory that I have that’s a hot take. I think the biggest trend in craft beer of the past four to five years is the reason craft beer is suffering now. And that trend is the hazy, because for those beers, which are so amazing, freshness is key and limited supply is key. And so when you build a brewery that initially is all built not on distribution to grocery stores — which is where all of us wound up in the pandemic — we reencountered Lagunitas, which some of us hadn’t drunk in decades. Or we reencountered bear Bear Republic, or some of these other OG craft breweries. And if you relied on line culture — people who would be willing on a Saturday or Sunday morning to come and line up at the brewery and wait for the beer and then have that community that we talked about, and you relied on really being very, very vigilant when it came to shelf control (and that’s why a lot of retailers never wanted to stock some of these beers, because a lot of the breweries were actually really hard on the distributor who was really hard on the retail) it means that when a pandemic happens, people aren’t willing to wait in line and you’re not set up to know how to do delivery, because you haven’t had to do that in the past. I think a lot of breweries fell behind because they became known for this style of beer that is absolutely delicious. Cat jokes and says that I’m a “haze bro.” I love hazy beers. I think they’re delicious. But they’re harder to find. At least in the first two to three months, the grocery store that I went to had none of them besides Threes, and Threes is one of the exceptions. Shout out to them, their infrastructure, and the way that they do their business in New York City. A lot of people could learn from them. I think the way that they handle getting the beer still into all the larger retailers is pretty unique. But I think, for the most part, all those other breweries had a very hard time, and now the opposite has happened. Now they all flooded retail. We talked about the beers that we’ve all enjoyed during the pandemic, and Josh was saying he’s gotten to drink beers that he never would have gotten to be able to just walk down to the corner bodega and buy, because he would have had to go to the brewery to get it. And now they’re so desperate to get it into retail, and a lot of them are also being a little bit less vigilant about those “buy on” dates. They’re not as worried anymore that the beer has to be consumed within a week of canning, which is what a lot of people used to think. That was the whole allure of the fresh, hazy IPA. If it wasn’t fresh, that haze diminished — it kind of fell out of the beer. It didn’t have the pillowy mouthfeel everyone was obsessed with. And the fruitiness. All that stuff that made that beer so mind-altering to so many people who had drunk crappier beer for so long. That’s my first hot take. My other hot take is: I think the other thing that happened at craft breweries is a lot of them got into seltzer, and White Claw and Truly kicked their a**. That, again, is a supply issue. And a lot of craft breweries started making seltzer when the breweries were packed to have something else on tap that they could serve to people who didn’t want a ton of these massively high-alcohol beers we talked about at the beginning. How many IPAs can you drink? But now that we’re in a pandemic, White Claw and Truly are everywhere. and this obscure hard seltzer that probably wasn’t that much of a focus for the brewery but helped pay the bills when they were open is not going to be the thing that people reach for. So I think that those things align with everything else you’re saying, it’s just harder for them than for almost anyone else. And no one has figured out how to create this beer that took the beer world by storm as a shelf-stable product yet. Hazy Little Thing really isn’t that. Sierra Nevada says it is, it’s not. The question is this new Dogfish beer that just got announced, which is going to have oat milk in it. It’s the oats that are actually going to make it hazy. Is that going to be it? Because that’s the only way you’re going to recreate these beers without relying on freshness. There’s going to have to be something else chemically that happens that makes them hazy and pillowy and what I refer to as what eggs look like when you add milk to them and you scramble them. I don’t know. It’s going to be interesting. I think it’s going to be tough because that style of beer is what made Other Half famous. It’s what made Grimm famous. I remember, Erica, when we had the staff picnic and I was talking to Jonno, your husband, and he mentioned one of the OGs of that movement, I can’t remember which one it was, but it was one of the beers everyone was excited about.

E: The thing I see more than anything is fruited sours and just fruit beer everywhere. I don’t know how fresh those have to be, though. I’m thinking of the Dogfish Head SeaQuench and all those sorts of beers that have really pronounced fruitiness to them. Do those beers have to be as fresh? What’s the situation there?

A: Not that I know of, but I’m curious what Zach thinks here. I think that sours are polarizing, and I think what was so interesting about the hazys was that they’re incredibly welcoming to almost anyone, it tastes like f***ing orange juice, and that’s why I’ve always been a big IPA fan. I used to think of Racer 5 as one of my top beers. I love that IPA. That beer is amazing. Also Bell’s Two Hearted is an amazing beer but that was a style of IPA that was for people who like bitterness. I could never get Naomi to drink IPAs, but she loves hazys. I think that sours are the same. Naomi loves sours. I’m going to give you guys a little TMI, but I have massive acid reflux. That’s also why I don’t like natural wine. I can’t do it. The Brett inside those beers, I can have one but I could never think that I’d go and invest in a six pack, but I don’t know exactly. What do you think?

Z: I think that it’s really interesting that we’re talking about the freshness of beers because I think, in general, that’s something that even outside of hazys and beers where, especially in the Pacific Northwest, we’re in the midst of fresh hop season and those beers are, again, another thing where you want that beer fresh from the tank, if possible. And if not that then in the can for as little time as possible. But all beer, with the exception of maybe some darker beers that are designed to age, almost all beer benefits from being consumed pretty fresh. One thing that we’re just seeing is that breweries of all scales, but especially on the craft side, are really trying to figure out how to get product in people’s hands. For the most part, you’re not going to go buy a 24 pack of your favorite craft beer. You probably don’t want to drink the same one of those every day or two of them a day for 12 days or whatever. But also the beer just isn’t as good, as enjoyable, at the end of that. One of the challenges that I think that craft brewing has had is the compulsion that people had, especially earlier in the pandemic, to get as much of everything as they can. “I got to pack my house, my apartment, whatever, with everything that I could possibly need.” And I think people have come out of that a little bit, but still there’s that challenge of — if you’re only going to the store once a week, or you’re going to go to a brewery to stock up but you’re not going to go every week, you’re going to go once a month or every two months — you kind of have to find this balance of what is going to be shelf-stable enough to last through that period. I also think with the sours, the other problem for beers is that we are seeing a shift (and again, this is where I come back to the closures or limitations on taprooms, where the current contexts for drinking these beverages is different)m and so one of the reasons why I think the hazy has become so popular. Not just because of what Adam said, or maybe in conjunction with what Adam said about how welcoming it is, it’s also a great beer to just drink by itself. That’s a complete thing unto itself. Whereas, to me, a sour, whether it’s fruited or otherwise, that’s a beer I need to eat something with. The same way that a high-acid wine — I don’t really want to drink those things. I don’t have the same issues with the reflux, but still I don’t want to drink a really high-acid anything without something to go along with it. And so those higher-acid beverages, I think, are more shelf-stable. I would bet just chemically that it has to be part of the problem for a hazy. You don’t have that acid balance to keep the thing fresh. Milk is going to go bad faster than lemonade, just the reality of it. But it’s something that people could revisit, if they haven’t done it in a while, because for those of us who are consuming at home, maybe thinking about having beer with food, that’s where those drinks shine. They’re their brightest in that context, where you can use a meal or snack or something to balance them out. Whereas, I think a hazy or something, you can just crush that, watch Netflix, it doesn’t need anything else to make it enjoyable. I don’t know that it’s something I would say that, necessarily, I’m going to go back to some of the beers that I used to drink as much. But that is where I think really bitter IPAs and sours, those more extreme ends could perhaps come back and do a little bit of prominence. Because I think they’re both more shelf-stable and they’re also more enjoyable in the setting that most of us are consuming things: At home, with a meal or snacks.

A: I think that there’s the same craft beers kind of really influx right now because I really feel even two or three years ago, maybe even a year ago, it was the area of alcohol that a lot people would have said was the most exciting. It was working on becoming more open — it still was predominantly beer bros, but it was working on becoming more open. There was an accessibility, at least when it came to people who were drinking, that it felt people would get into it more easily than other areas of the drinks world. The branding was always really interesting. A lot of people I’ve talked to think that now a lot of those natural wine labels were influenced by craft beer. And a lot of wine people want to have their cool craft beer area of the wine world. I think everything we’ve said here is true. The business model, that’s the gray, it’s just suffering more than any other area of alcohol I can’t think of. I love craft cocktail bars. But those aren’t, to me, a third space. I can’t sit at a craft cocktail bar and pay $15 a drink for very long. Whereas you can sit at a brewery all day and have $6 to $8 pints and have a great time. And usually there’s a food truck. And the same for wine bars. I know there’s a lot of them, but are they really a place that you’re going to just hang out with your buddies and catch up in the same way? Probably not. And wine, to me, has always been much more of a restaurant thing or an at-home thing, which is what I drink most often. I think that’s what it is. And it’s sad, because I think it’s going to take longer for it to come back than the others. It’s just not going to be as quick as everything else.

E: I agree. I’ll just put in one little fact here, which I found interesting, as of June 30th there were 8,217 active craft breweries in the U.S. That was up 100 percent from a year ago. It takes a lot of time to open a brewery, several years, People are still opening. But what I found interesting was that between Q2 and Q3 of this year, there were still 219 new brewery permit applications. It’s the slowest amount of growth in 11 quarters, but it’s still growing. So I think people still see craft beer as a possible area where they can make money, or maybe it’s all the people in finance who’ve said, “Screw it, I’m done here and I’m just going to go open a brewery.”

Z: I will say my one bit of silver lining for this whole conversation is that statistics say that homebrewing has taken off again in a big way during the pandemic. I do think that one cool possibility coming out of this is that you will have had a lot of people who either had more time to do homebrewing or took it up for the first time. And I mean, again, homebrewing is where the craft beer movement was born. It’s still how it mostly gets its start. Many people who start breweries start out by brewing at home. It’s relatively easy to do that. Adam, you have personal experience, and I think in general it’s certainly possible that when we’re talking to brewers five or 10 years from now and how they got started, a lot of them probably will say, “During Covid, I decided to take the plunge: I’m going to try homebrewing. I’m going to give it a shot.” And from this opportunity, maybe some of the great breweries of the 2020s will be born.

A: That’s actually really true. I’m not going to open a sourdough bakery, but I could. And seriously, Erica, I’ll let you plug it. We got a great homebrewing column, guys.

E: It’s a really wonderful column. If you haven’t checked it out it’s called BIY: Brew It Yourself, and Mandy Naglich, she is a pro home brewer. It’s a really highly read column so people seem to be engaged. It’s been growing during the pandemic. So I think there’s a lot of interest in people saying “I’ve graduated from sourdough. Let me try homebrewing.”

A: Yeah. And she even has a column where she writes about how to make a hazy, which I thought was really interesting because it’s actually going to teach you how to do that. I never, when I was brewing, thought I could have attempted that. But I think it shows people are willing to try these things. I think you’re very much going to be right there, Zach. I think we’re going to have a lot of breweries that open up, and when you ask why, they’re going to say, “We left whatever city we lived in, we moved to this place, we got more space, we started homebrewing, and we realized ‘Oh, this will be a nice life.’” And they opened. I can totally see that.

E: Yeah. Me, too.

A: Well, guys, this has been another amazing conversation, as always. I think every time we talk this stuff out, we go into it thinking, “Okay, is this going to be something that should be all doom and gloom?” And then I come out and I feel really positive about everything. Thank you guys very much.

Z: Just here to brighten your day.

A: Thanks, guys. Well for everyone listening, we’re here to brighten your day as well, which is why we’d love you to leave us a review, tell your friends, rate us on iTunes, Spotify, wherever you get your podcasts. It definitely helps other people discover the show. Erica, Zach, I’ll see you right back here next week.

E: Talk to you then.

Z: Sounds great.

A: Before we officially go, a word from the sponsor of this week’s podcast, Wild Turkey 101. Wild Turkey 101 is the high-proof bourbon ideal for enjoying classic cocktails how they were intended to be when they were invented. Aged longer for more character and using the same recipe since 1942, Wild Turkey 101 adds flavor and body to the Old Fashioned, the number one consumer cocktail. Never compromise, drink responsibly. Wild Turkey Kentucky Straight Bourbon whiskey, 50.5-percent ABV, 101 proof, copyright 2020 Campari America, New York, New York.

Thanks so much for listening to the VinePair Podcast. If you enjoy listening to us every week, please leave us a review or rating on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, or wherever it is that you get your podcasts. It really helps everyone else discover the show. Now, for the credits. VinePair is produced and hosted by Zach Geballe, Erica Duecy and me: Adam Teeter. Our engineer is Nick Patri and Keith Beavers. I’d also like to give a special shout out to my VinePair co-founder Josh Malin and the rest of the VinePair team for their support. Thanks so much for listening and we’ll see you again right here next week.

Ed. note: This episode has been edited for length and clarity.

The article VinePair Podcast: How Craft Beer Can Thrive in the Pandemic appeared first on VinePair.

Via https://vinepair.com/articles/podcast-craft-beer-pandemic/

source https://vinology1.weebly.com/blog/vinepair-podcast-how-craft-beer-can-thrive-in-the-pandemic

[so-bad-its-good]

Fateful Findings (2007)

NEIL BREEN

      Watching a Neil Breen movie is like helplessly watching a train crash and then burst into flames, and then hearing a bunch of people unconvincingly scream in agony. Neil Breen is a former real-estate agent and architect, who is now a filmmaker. He is known for editing, writing, directing and starring in his self-produced films, notable ones being I am Here …. Now, Double Down and the film in question: Fateful Findings. Fateful Findings is considered a cult film and, like all of Neil Breen’s films, is infamous for being completely terrible. I don’t mean just plain bad, I mean so spectacularly and hilariously bad that people are reluctant to believe that he is serious. Bad movies gain mass followings because they are both amusing and extremely sincere. It is somehow charming when a film tries so hard, yet still fails in every way, and Neil Breen’s third movie Fateful Findings is a perfect example of this.

BRIEF SUMMARY

      Potential viewer be warned: 7 people commit suicide and 2 are murdered in this film. It all begins when Dylan and Leah, two nine year olds who are best friends, discover a magical mushroom that turns into a magical box containing a magical black stone. When Leah’s family moves away, Dylan vows to always carry the stone as a reminder of their “magical day”. Flash forward and Dylan (Neil Breen) is in his 40s, a successful author, and unhappily married to Emily (Klara Landrat). When Dylan is hit by a car and comatose, he is mysteriously saved by his magic stone - which he seriously still carries after 32 years. Dylan’s recovery from his coma is miraculously quick, but he begins experiencing pain and strange dreams as a result of his head injury. This prompts his decision to no longer work on his second book, but to instead hack the government in an attempt to expose their secrets and lies to the public - because that’s the obvious thing for a man with no apparent computer knowledge to do. Throughout the film, Dylan talks to therapists, throws some get togethers and ceaselessly abuses his five laptops during fits of pain and rage. And then there are Dylan and Emily’s friends: another unhappily married couple consisting of Amy (Victoria Viveiros) and Jim (David Silva). Jim is an alcoholic who loves his sports car, and Amy is a banker with fake breasts who no longer wants to be intimate with her husband. Jim’s teenage daughter Aly (Danielle Andrade) just won’t stop propositioning Dylan, despite his being more than twice her age and distinctly unattractive. Later, Aly witnesses Amy accidentally shooting Jim directly in the chest, though she was only trying to shoot his car, which was at least a meter away from him, but this doesn’t really matter since Jim’s death in no way affects the following events in the film. The story moves somewhere completely different when Dylan reconnects with his childhood love, Leah (Jennifer Autry). They both admit to thinking about each other every day since they were nine - which is quite odd - and fall back in love. This would be a problem seeing as Dylan is married and Leah is engaged, but no need to worry, Emily promptly overdoses on painkillers and Leah leaves her fiance. Dylan and Leah reminisce about their childhood - something they are clearly unhealthily longing for -  and revisit the magical box. Next, because clearly there isn’t enough happening, Leah gets kidnapped and Dylan saves her by using his magical ability of dematerializing. The film comes to a close with Dylan exposing the government and corporations, and all of the people he exposes subsequently killing themselves in a variety of brutal ways. The audience is left with a feeling of what-the-hell-did-I-just-watch and the command to: “Act now. It’s our only hope for the future.”

PLOT

      It would be a stretch to say that this movie has one clear plot. It is half scenes from a  low-budget 90s porno and half scenes from a twelve year old’s sci-fi fan fiction. The beginning leads us to expect that this will be some children’s film about a magical box. Once we flash forward to present day, we realize that this is a sci-fi disaster that we are about to observe. Honestly, the running plot of Dylan’s magical stone and powers is unnecessary and confusing. Other than being a feeble attempt to make this film interesting, this plot line might serve the purpose of making Dylan super-human, or perhaps it exists to ensure that Dylan and Leah shared something unique that would help them reconnect later in the film. No matter the reasoning, this plot has absolutely nothing to do with the message of the film. As the movie progresses there are aspects of this plotline that we expect to be explained later on, but of course they never are.

      Also, there’s the seemingly unnecessary plot line involving family friends Jim and Amy. It is emphasized that Jim is an alcoholic and his way-too-attractive-for-him wife is fed up with him, resulting in her throwing various things at him throughout the film (a pillow, a roll of paper towel, a drink, and a glass). Oh yeah, and she eventually shoots him. When Jim dies, it seems like the audience is supposed to feel sad, but none of Dylan and Jim’s supposed meaningful friendship has been shown to us and Neil Breen’s acting certainly doesn’t help to evoke sadness. I don’t think this plot contributes to the overall message of the film, unless of course I’m overthinking this and the central theme is death - there is a plethora of that.

      Dylan and Emily also have a failing marriage, and she is addicted to drugs. She eventually kills herself while Dylan is off reminiscing with Leah and awkwardly closed-mouth kissing her. When Dylan discovers his wife has committed suicide, he is only briefly fazed, then replaces her with Leah. This begs the question of whether Emily’s character was necessary to the plot whatsoever since she’s just thrown aside in a matter of minutes. This part also made the protagonist come off as a pretty terrible person, which is odd since he’s otherwise portrayed as very heroic and in-the-right. Perhaps this was done intentionally to highlight that the protagonist has flaws, or maybe it was because Neil Breen wanted to be naked with and/or closed mouth kissing as many women as possible - who can know?

      The plot line that is highlighted the least is the only one relevant to the message. I’m referring to the plot following Dylan’s hacking into the government. This plot is mentioned maybe five times throughout the entire film, yet it is the only thing imperative to the climax and the message. Dylan mentions periodically that he is hacking the government, despite having no explanation for his hacking abilities, to expose “national and international corruption”. This plot leads to the climax of the film, when corporate and government officials kill themselves after Dylan exposes their “lying”, “corruption” and “greed”. This part of the film seemed gruesome and had absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the film, but it is made extremely clear what the message of the film is because Dylan flat out tells us in this scene. This plot line seemed meaningful and the message seemed very important to Neil Breen, but it really stuck out among the sea of irrelevant and unnecessary storylines. Having four plots definitely ensures that you never get bored because there’s so much happening, but when a story is this all over the place nothing is really happening.

ACTING

      This is a film that not only tests your ability to suspend disbelief because of a convoluted sci-fi plot, but because it seems like the actors are actually actively trying to make you not believe them. This is best demonstrated by Neil Breen, who plays the protagonist, Dylan. At the beginning of the film, you may notice that the actor playing young Dylan is decidedly unimpressive, but to the audience’s dismay, the man playing him all grown up makes that child actor look like an Oscar winner. Neil Breen is so incapable of conveying any emotion, that it’s lucky the script has characters clearly state how they are feeling so they don’t have to be inconvenienced with actually having to act. The only thing that is harder to believe than his terrible acting is that it’s not intentional. Neil Breen showed me that there is something hilarious and disheartening about an actor eating a salad unconvincingly.

      As for the supporting cast, I can only think that Neil Breen must cast friends or friends of friends. While I know the script was in no way conducive to good performances, the supporting cast only fed the fire of this trainwreck. Jennifer Autry, who plays Dylan’s love interest Leah gave an underwhelming performance, with unsure deliveries and ill-fitting facial expressions. Not to mention her being cast makes no sense, as she is supposed to be in her mid-40’s and looks like she’s 30. The arguments between Victoria Viveiros and David Silva as Amy and Jim were entirely overacted. Meanwhile, Klara Landrat performed every scene like she was a bored Urban Outfitters employee. Additionally, as Jim and Amy’s daughter, Danielle Andrade’s attempts at being a flirtatious and distressed teen were forced and, quite frankly, embarrassing. The storyline is extremely dramatic, but these actors performances managed to evoke nothing but amusement and disbelief on every level.

CREATIVE ELEMENTS

     There were many choices made during the production of this movie that contributed to making this film so ridiculously awful. The music and most of the sets were adequate - that’s the only positive thing I have to say on the subject. The editing was completely disorienting. The cuts at the dinner party, and literally every other time there were multiple people in a scene, made me physically uncomfortable and entirely unable to follow the scene. Then there were the camera angles. We saw everything from shots from the chest down - at least we were spared the actors’ facial expressions - to unironic crash zooms. It all seemed without reason.

      Another notable element was the special effects. The sound effects were either too loud or made no sense with the scene, for example when the background noise made it sound like there were twice as many people at Dylan and Emily’s barbecue. The visual effects were even worse. I laughed out loud every time I saw that cartoonish smoke effect blow across the screen, telling us that something magical was about to happen. Another appallingly hilarious moment was when objects were supposed to be mysteriously moving, but we could see the string!

      The attempts at symbolism throughout this film are either above the audience’s head or very unclear - I expect the majority of viewers side with the latter. There are the dramatic dream cutaways to Neil Breen naked with Aly, Jim’s teenage daughter,  in front of a wall covered in garbage bags, which in no way relates to the plot, but is extremely off-putting to watch. And the most obvious symbolism of Dylan’s two therapists, one of whom he sits across a long table from and one of whom he sits in a small broom closet with. I understand that the first therapist offered him medication and was distant, while the second one knew his secrets and offered him encouragement, but then the second therapist disappears into thin air at the end of the film, and I don’t see the relevance of any of this to the plot. I will give dishonourable mentions to the outdated props and costumes that really reinforced that 90s porno vibe. I don’t know why these decisions were made, but they sure were awful and they sure were funny.

CONCLUSION

      I must say that I have the utmost respect for anyone who pursues a creative project. I think that what makes this film almost lovable is that you can feel Neil Breen’s passion throughout the whole thing. While I admire him for his passion, I also blame him for this absolute trainwreck of a film - he is the one to blame because he did almost everything: from casting to special effects makeup, to craft services. I do think that the writing was the downfall of the film, but it was more than bad lines and a lack of clear plot. It was the atrocious acting, the confusing symbolism, and the ineffective editing and directing. Everything from the first second to the six thousandth added up to a truly horrendous film. Fateful Findings failed on almost every level and in no way achieved its purpose of motivating audiences to act against governments and corporations. It was so bad I almost couldn’t believe it: I was cringing and cry laughing at the absurdity of every aspect of this film. Fateful Findings possesses every attribute of a film so laughable that it’s laughable. Is it the poorest excuse for a film I’ve ever seen? Yes, it is. Have I watched it four times in the past month? Yes, I have. To quote the film, “I feel like something’s inside me” and it’s the bad movie bug.

[mdwatchestv]

Game of Thrones 7x01: Shall We Begin?

Yooooo it's Thrones time baby! I know a ton of people are going to write about this season and I originally wasn't going to, but then I wasn't writing about anything else and the gaping pit of self doubt and shame that lives just beneath the surface of all my thoughts was beginning to open up again so I thought fuck it I'll write about it because you only live once. Unless you're Jon Snow.

Game of Thrones is one of the only shows I continue to watch live, and there is truly no greater television joy than hearing that theme song swell. Game of Thrones has led the vanguard of must see TV for the past six years and facing a world without it is a dark prospect indeed. But winter is here friends, and we are facing a cold eternal darkness without Westeros. So let us return, together, for the second to the last time, to our favorite blood-spurting, boob-baring, dragon-wrangling, power-plotting, Stark-slaughtering show. 

Shall we begin? 

Season seven begins with a cold open, and it is the COLDEST of opens. Mysteriously we are back with Walder Frey (as unwelcome as he may be, a scenery chewing performance from David Bradley is always extremely welcome) who we witnessed Arya kill in the most delicious way possible at the end of season six. The clearly still living Walder has gathered his miserable brood in celebration, even treating them to fancy wine. However his speech of celebration becomes increasingly pointed, accusing the gathered of celebrating the death of an unborn child as well as a hardworking mother of five. That's because twist- Walder is really Arya Motherfucking Stark and she has come to MURDER EVERYONE. THE NORTH REMEMBERS SMASH TO-

Doo doo do do doo doo do do doooooo. 

Not only is Arya cold as ice, she can now literally be any character at any time. I am super cool with this. We are all Arya. Arya is me. Anyway moving on we get treated to a sweeping dramatic shot of the the army of the Night King, it is big as hell and includes many giants. Winter is coming indeed. Also Meera Reed has hauled Bran all the way to the Wall in a sled.  What a metaphor for life. 

In Winterfell we pick up with King of the North Jon Snow and Sansa talking Night Army strategy. Lyanna Mormont of Bear Island is also there smashing the patriarchy and repping Bear Island. Truly my all time favorite character on any show. Westeros could burn to the ground, or freeze into a block of ice, and Bear Island will still be an impenetrable fortress filled with men, women and children all armed to the teeth and ready to fuck you up. Long live Lyanna.

Anyway the idealogical rift between Jon and Sansa is only getting wider coming to a head when Sansa calls Jon out for choosing not to punish the Karstark and Umber families for fighting alongside the Boltons. Sansa believes the keeps of these traitor families should be given to knights loyal to the Starks, while in Jon's view the offending family members have already paid with their lives on the field of battle. Jon gets his way and has the surviving member of each house (who are literal children) swear an oath of fealty. Sansa is pissed and rightly so. Yes Jon's choice may seem like the magnanimous one, but it is not necessarily the wisest. Rewarding the fortresses of the Karstarks and Umbers to loyal families seemed to be the popular choice among the Stark banner men, a group whose loyalty he will need to retain when things start getting cold and scary. Whats more the two fortresses in question are in critical tactical positions north of Winterfell and he has handed them over to inexperienced children. Sansa is on point when she tells Jon he needs to be smarter than Ned and Rob, especially when Jon himself has already been betrayed to his death (once again by a child). Sansa is also correct that while Cersei may be a distant threat, she doesn't need to march an army to Winterfell to cut down the Starks. Jon is wary of Cersei's influence on Sansa, but he should be putting the lessons of King's Landing to use! Yes there was political maneuvering at the Wall, but none of those crows has ANYTHING on the Lannisters and in this arena Jon truly knows nothing (sorry).

 One of the many (many) beautiful aspects of Game of Thrones is the storytelling work done in costuming. in this episode Sansa is rendered in a black dress with severe, chain-like metal detailing. The costume suggests the threat of war, the confines of duty, the acquisition of power and resolve. it also mirrors....

The new Queen of the Seven (more like three) Kingdoms Cersei Lannister! While she may be queen, Cersei has now lost all her children, leaving her only with  the warm embrace of the iron throne and Jamie's semi-terrified love to prop up what remains of her humanity. But despite looming threats from every cardinal direction, Cersei is still on her game and looking to get into bed (perhaps literally) with Westeros' hottest new family to ally with - the Greyjoys! More specifically Euron Greyjoy who has a new look and party attitude! I don't remember him being this much fun last season, but I welcome it. 

Meanwhile Arya is walking through the woods and comes upon a wild Ed Sheeran, as one does. The success of Game of Thrones means that they can integrate higher profile names into the show (see Jim Broadbent) without breaking the ~*~*~illusion~*~*~ of the world. Personally, I felt like Ed was a little too extra... I couldn't stop thinking "That's Ed Sheeran sitting next to Arya. Do the Lannisters know that Ed Sheeran is in their army? What does ‘Shape of You’ sound like on a lute?" I was assuaged by the knowledge that he was hired as a treat for Maisie Williams, who deserves treats, so I will let it slide. Other than the presence of the Ginger One, this was a nice counterpoint to Arya's brutal opener. While she may be a hardened killer, she is still a young girl, just as most of the cannon fodder in the Lannister army are young boys (and Ed Sheeran), and this scene offered a poignant contextualization for the cost of war in Westeros.

Phew, I forgot how many things happen on Game of Thrones. The Hound comes across the man and child he doomed seasons earlier and feels remorse (character growth!) He also has a chilling fire-vision of the Army of the Dead marching away by a mountain (or maybe THE Mountain? Never let the dream of Clegane Bowl die). 

Sweet Samwell is essentially a house elf at Maester HQ, and instead of learning about how to kill White Walkers, he is carrying poop and organs around. We also find out that poor greyscale infected Jorah is locked up there likely in hopes of being cured. While his outside may be peely and gross, his profile remains as rugged as ever. All that out of the way, we did learn some important plot stuff here too. Sam steals a book from the Restricted Section filled with tips and tricks to slicing and dicing White Walkers. White Walker kryptonite is dragonglass, which we kind of knew from Jon Snow and company's misadventures north of the Wall. But what is more interesting is that we learn the Targaryen built fortress of Dragonstone (hey that's the name of the episode) is built on a giant pile of dragonglass (convenient!). If you cast your mind back to previous seasons, or even just the previously on at the beginning of the episode, that castle is where Stannis (lol remember him) had his base. In my experience Previously Ons are often the Rosetta Stone of television and the premiere's held additional clues as well.  Not only did the Previously On remind us that Dragonstone was where Stannis hung out, it also made sure to show us that the ill-fated Shireen spent quite a bit of time there too. Shireen who miraculously recovered from her greyscale after living on a giant pile of dragonglass, suggesting perhaps that dragonglass could be the solution to more than one problem...

And speaking of Dragonstone, we finally come to the titular location. Seemingly completely abandoned since Stannis bounced, Khaleesi and her crew roll up as their first landing in Westeros. In a beautiful silent sequence Dany mounts the stairs of the throne  but eschews the seat of power for the strategic promise of the war room. And she might as well be addressing the audience itself with her final cool query.

Oh my god that was so much writing. I'm going to bold keywords so you skimmers can anchor on to the topics you want to read about.

MVP: Arya Sheeran-Stark

XO MD

Bonus:

[psicygni]

It's 2022 in the Another Shot universe. What are McCoy, and Harold (ok, fine, Spock) and Jim and Nyota up to? :)

OH GOSH are you truly ready, my friend??

(for you kids in the back who want to follow along, read it here!)

Post that phone call at the end (spoiler alert, they talked for 2 hours up until the flight attendant was leaning over McCoy telling him to shut his damn phone off, sir, thank you (whatever, the fact he and spock were still talking helped him forget he was about to fly in the air) (spock was freezing in that park and both wanted to die and also to never hang up)), they had a very tenuous and sassy relationship of snark-filled texts that came in waves of either a bunch in the course of a single day or nothing for a week… a week they each spent convinced the other one had grown bored, moved on, met someone, etc etc, with lots of checking their phone even though they knew nothing was there, and forlornly scrolling back through previous texts and attempting to figure out a suitably casual message to send that properly conveyed: I want to spend my entire day talking to you but I don’t actually want you to know that.

McCoy is utterly sure Spock is banging several dozen dudes (he’s not).  Spock is utterly sure McCoy has found someone - anyone - better than him and as is only reasonable, has moved on to fairer pastures (he hasn’t).  Both of them are entirely frustrated they can’t even begin to forget about the handful of hours they spent together over the course of two days and torture themselves by continuing to keep in contact instead of cutting ties like they tell themselves they should.  Do they talk on the phone?  Maybe.  If they do, do their conversations last for hours? Definitely.  Is it more intensely personal than most conversations they have with anyone else in their life? You bet your butt it is.  Does it happen often?  Not nearly as often as either of them would be down for.  Is the entire conversation 90% sarcasm? 99% would be more accurate.

Queue: McCoy moving to SF, as we all knew he would.  Things that happen include:

Waiting until awkwardly the last minute to let Spock know he’s heading out there

Interviewing for jobs during which Spock attempts (and fails) to not ogle McCoy in a suit

They have no idea where they stand with each other and solve their feelings of discomfort by both being enormous assholes who throw lingering stares across the room

McCoy finds a job.  Then, he finds a place to live (let’s have him staying with Jim for the interim because he’s not quite able to ask Spock if he can bang his brains out crash with him).  He’s convinced himself that Spock is definitely getting some on the reg. and doesn’t want McCoy in the picture.  Spock’s sure that if McCoy wanted anything with him, he’d have said literally anything to indicate that.

(In the meantime while they are busy getting in their own way, things that occur are 1) Spock finds out McCoy is not just a doctor but he’s a Doctor and kind of a Big Deal in the medicine world (which I know nothing about so just nod along with me here) and hospitals are falling over themselves to have him which makes everything so much worse for Spock because um, can you say hot single doctor?? 2) McCoy finds out that everyone joking about Spock being a genius is not a joke at all and is uncomfortable in the pants region every time Spock starts talking, 3) they spend an Unfortunate Amount of Time together because both are determined to be absolutely and utterly casual and are both winning their private game of caring less and what better way to do that than be absolutely blasé that the other one is hanging around).

And then, of course, their carefully constructed ~thing~ crashes and burns and if it’s weird I have so many head canons for my own story I don’t want to know it, because the thing that happens is: innocuous hang out of the entire gang at McCoy’s (are they helping him move? New couch? Something like that? Maybe.), Jim orders pizza, filches Spock’s wallet to pay for it, and of course doesn’t hand it back, so several hours later, the scene is: mccoy finding spocko’s wallet, Spock elsewhere in the city patting his pockets and very logically cursing Jim Kirk, and McCoy texting him to come back and get it ONLY TO REALIZE that he could have just dropped it at the cafe in the morning, and Spock literally jetting back across the city slowly realizing the same thing. Spock protests he didn’t mean to leave it behind. McCoy is too busy trying to be super casual about the fact that they’re actually alone. together. in private. 

They talk. They snark. They flirt. They bang. The end. 

Just kidding, defo not the end. They have a several month adventure in poor communication but excellent sex, in which they spend copious amounts of time together but never quite manage to talk about what they’re really doing even though clearly, to anyone except these two dumb butts, they’re in love and dating. There are late night talks, early morning talks, half living out of each other’s apartments, shared food in fridges, fights about who gets the left over take out food, Spock making coffee for mccoy at all hour of the night and day due to his complicated work schedule at the hospital, mccoy bumming around the cafe waiting for Spock to get off work finally, cooking together, stealing each other’s socks, and mccoy declaring Spock had better get a bigger couch because seriously Spock, find somewhere for your knee to be that isn’t jabbing into my knee. 

And then at some point they get over themselves.  How?  Unclear.  Possibilities include

A discussion about condom use, STIs, and if you’re not bumping uglies with anyone else, and if I’m not… then we could get tested… and stop using condoms… and if we continued to not take any rolls in the hay with anyone other than each other we could continue to not use condoms… and then it’d be like we’re exclusive… and committed… right. k. logical, probably.

Spock gets hit by a car.  I don’t know why I have to be so dramatic about everything.  But, still.  McCoy working in the ER.  Spock biking around the city to his heart’s content.  It’s such prime fodder for someone bursting in (chapel, let’s be real, it’s chapel) and yelling ‘mccoy your boyfriend’s here!’ and he’s all ‘hahah i don’t have a boyfriend! that guy? who i kind of love? he’s not, gosh, he’s not my boyfriend, we only are practically living together hahaha what no, no no no’ and then 180s it when he realizes it’s actual Spock and there’s obviously an entire hurt/comfort fic in here and McCoy is Distraught at the thought of losing Spock and Spock is like oh my god I’m fine ok sure let’s hug oh ok this is nice

Then, they finally really date.  

They have one terrible fight in which McCoy is on Spock’s case to get a Real Job because he could do literally anything with that brain of his and pouring coffee? Really? Which sounds an unfortunate amount like Sarek and Spock is like wow, you’re a huge asshole which only confirms mccoy’s greatest fear that anything good in his life he’ll end up ruining, while meanwhile Spock managed to not hear McCoy wishing the best for him and all he can get out of his life, but that McCoy doesn’t think he’s good enough.  There’s an awful spell of time in which they are on the outs and are sure the other is about to break up with them - or worse, they should be the one to end it because the other can do so much better - only to have a sassy and tearful reunion.

And then they move in together and it’s the first place that’s felt like home for either of them in approximately forever and they buy a fantastic mattress after spending three weeks arguing about which one to get, the actual end, goodbye.

Jim and Nyota are in love.  Except Jim is the only one who can admit it to himself.  Nyota is still trying to sort out that stomach thing she gets around him and is Horrified that it might be what she thinks it is.  They spend entirely too much time together cause their best friends are constantly making out with each other’s faces.  Nyota knows Jim is into her and is slowly realizing that maybe, just maybe, if she doesn’t come around to the idea of him and her, he’s not going to stick around forever waiting, so her life is edging precipitously closer to a reality in which she actually does something about Jim Kirk and she’s terrified and exasperated at the fact that of literally anyone she could be with, her dumb boss is the only one she could possibly see herself with and both hates that fact and is learning to be ok with it.

Demora works at the cafe all through high school.  She’s constantly mortified by the antics of the grownups around her.

The actual end.  

[kinetic-elaboration]

September 13: 1x14 Balance of Terror

A little late this week because Friday didn’t work out but here I am with my liveblog (ish) of Balance of Terror.

This is the one that starts off with Kirk officiating a wedding, which is adorable. He loves this part of his job. He loves love so much!

Also they’re going to broadcast this important event through the whole ship. And Scotty is walking the bride down the aisle, which is so on point for him.

Sulu, shut up. Kirk’s busy officiating here. He broke out the romantic lighting on his eyes and everything.

The Earth-Romulan War, over a century ago. That’s a long time. Interesting that it wasn’t a Federation war, although Spock mentions allies. Either that was pre-Federation within canon, or pre-Federation in the writing of Star Trek, or if it really was just an Earth war. Were Vulcans allies?

I’m just....... eternally fascinated by Romulans. It fascinates me too that this whole history is ALSO the background to the Kelvin attack in AOS, which is 35ish years before this. So at the time, the Romulan war had happened, but Earth didn’t know what Romulans looked like, and then one shows up on this big-ass ship and just destroys a Federation vessel for no reason. It’s not even clear if they knew Nero was a Romulan if I remember correctly. Basically my point is that AOS should have done way more with this.

Also outposts on asteroids.

This engaged couple is adorable.

A space vessel attacked your outpost? A space vessel? In space? How could it be??

Spock’s make up on point as usual.

Time to screen share.

“Their invisibility screen must work both ways.”

Kirk is so smart and has such a great command presence. I love him.

Today’s one allotted use of Kirk’s first name by Spock: “The exact heading a Romulan vessel would take JIM.”

I mean it was obviously a Romulan attack lol. I know from the last ep Kirk really likes to be sure of stuff but who else could it possibly be??

Stiles suggests there could be Romulan spies on the Enterprise, for reasons I missed because I was busy thinking about how he was dumb. I respect Kirk for listening to his men when they’re being smart but on further reflection... how the heck would Romulan spies get on a Federation ship?? Also nothing ever came of this so...

Dun dun dun, big reveal! Everyone’s so shocked and Spock is like initially surprised and then faintly resigned. “I know how this is gonna go... brace for racism.”

Alternately: “...Dad?”

Yeah, Kirk, shoot down that bigotry on the bridge. “I said I’m sure you’re complimenting my husband on his decoding abilities, RIGHT?”

Spock probably could decode the message though.

...Thinking about it now, did they ever decode the message? Or was it just important for like figuring out where the ship was or that it still existed even though invisible or whatever?

Cry me a river about wanting to go home, Romulan Commander, you were the one who crossed into Federation territory and attacked outposts for no reason lol. “I can’t believe our acts of war are going to lead to war.”

He’s like Romulan Pike. So world weary and dramatic. “Danger and I are old companions.”

Stiles is all like “well Spock’s an expert on Romulans” but he’s not an expert? He’s just making up what he knows about them based on very old Vulcan history.

I know later “canon” killed this theory but I took Spock’s reference to Vulcan’s colonizing past as him guessing that perhaps Vulcan colonized a planet and then forgot about it, and those colonists missed out on the Surakian revolution. And I find this pretty hilarious so I’m just gonna stick to it.

Romulan Commander would not get along well with Nero. Here he is waxing all poetic and stuff. Bet he’s never met a miner in his life.

Kirk’s profile when he’s looking down... you can see why CPine was a good choice to reboot him.

Lol random Janice Rand. Just here to hug Kirk since Spock is too busy being on the floor.

What the heck was that with Spock and Stiles? He just shows up at the navigator’s station like “Hey. I dare you to be racist right now.”

People who don’t like Kirk need to watch this ep, along with the Corbomite Maneuver. His gravitas, his sense of command.

RIP Centurion.

The Romulan Commander is so “oh woe is me, I am so far from home, I only wish to see my familiar stars again” but BITCH you left home! You attacked people for no reason!

Enterprise after dark.

Kirk just lying around, looking handsome. Resting handsomely.

Taking out Chris Pine’s tiny violin while Kirk whines about command.

When McCoy started in on his speech, my mom was like “McCoy has been drinking” and honestly......lol and she’s probably not wrong. He’s still being sweet though.

Spock what the hell man. Stop being so awkward and clumsy, bitch.

“He reads the thoughts in my brain.”

Woah forgot the part of this where they blow up a literal nuclear warhead.

Sulu’s into this Navigator Uhura thing. Real step up from Stiles.

Commander’s so fed up with this Decius bitch.

Spock runs like a dork, too. Still there to save the day and Stiles’s ass though!

Firing the phasers isn’t very pacifist of him.

“In a different reality, I could have called you a friend.” They should have rebooted him, and had him meet CPine’s Kirk.

No, not Tomlinson!!

The irony of the groom dying is the part I remember from this ep, that Kirk did a good job, destroyed his enemy, avoided the neutral zone, and got away with only one casualty--but that casualty was the man who was about to get married--but the actual literal ending is bizarre. “There there, crewman... okay time to get back to work.”

Then striding through the halls alone.

I love this episode and it holds up, although I sometimes missed the finer points of their maneuvering. I think this is partly because there’s a lot of technical stuff going on along with a lot of other stuff in the span of less than an hour and partly because this is SUPER space Navy, like one of the straight up Naviest episodes they ever did, and Naval battle narratives is not a genre I’m super familiar with.

There is way more to unpack here than I am really up for lol. First, while I love Kirk and Kirk-centric eps and the whole ‘he and the Commander are so similar they basically have a telepathic connection’ stuff... there’s a lot of barely touched upon Spock stuff here. My mom and I are disagreeing about how much he knew. She thinks he did know what Romulans look like, or that at the very least some Vulcans, like important Vulcans (and we know Spock is important) would have to know, because the whole concept of katras makes it impossible for them as a people to really forget anything. But I think it’s more interesting, and more in keeping with what this episode implies, if Spock specifically did not know. So this is a big reveal for him. And then in addition to dealing with Stiles’s shit, he has to assimilate that an Earth/Federation enemy is a relative of his people. And it’s a glimpse into the pre-Reform era, which you know even Vulcans have gotta be fascinated by. AND his positions in this episode are just... not super pacifist. Like the stuff he has to advocate, and actively do, like in firing the phasers and so on, is exactly what his dad warned him about when he was like ‘hey I’m gonna join the military, peace out.’ Then there’s the added wrinkle that the Romulans probably also don’t know what the Vulcans look like and Spock is conveniently never around for the Romulan Commander to see him. Not that he could take the info back with him, but they never have any confrontation even between them. So that’s a lot right there.

If this were a S2 or S3 ep, it would have been Spock-centric.

Literally can’t believe there were only 2 Romulan centric eps in the whole of TOS lol. Major missed opportunity there.

Next ep (hopefully this Friday!) is Shore Leave. In which McCoy has 3 ladies and Kirk has a homoerotic wrestle in the dirt with a man and somehow everyone still thinks he’s the space slut.

[a-queer-in-the-life]

I just...honestly don’t understand how anyone can ship CS seriously? I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a boring romance in the history of television. And man, I’ve seen some shit. I stuck it through HIMYM until Ted finally met the frigging mother. I’ve watched numerous vapid teen shows from Pretty Little Liars to Gossip Girl to Degrassi. I even watched Masters of Sex, god help me. And to top it all off, I watched Moonlighting, and I wasn’t even born until the 90s. I HAVE SEEN IT ALL. And there is nothing on television as boring as Captain Swan. I mean Jesus, even married Jim and Pam were more interesting than this shit. When did they even get together? I remember they kissed in neverland...but since then it’s been a blur and I cannot remember one detail of their “courtship”. And ok, yes, fair, I haven’t been watching this show for detail in a long time since continuity went out the window a loooong time ago, but I feel like this relationship went from 0 to 100 in 2 seconds flat. Like sure Emma and HOok had their “playful banter” thing going on (i think?), but damn when did it go from that to turning him into the dark one against his will and springing him from the underworld? Was there a build up? Was there that rising romantic interest? I just remember Emma switching from one day being mostly neutral/mildly passive aggressive to Hook to LITERALLY sacrificing herself and her family for him. When the fuck did that happen? And shit, I’m saying all this stuff like it’s super dramatic, but it’s not! That’s what ultimately kills me. Their relationship is so boring. There’re no real feelings. There’re no real stakes. Every time Killian lies he gets forgiven immediately. Every time he does something shady he also gets forgiven immediately. EVEN WHEN HE DIES he gets brought back to life, immediately. Their relationship is just getting pounded into us without really being explained. What’s actually keeping these two together? Do they have common interests? What do they talk about when they’re alone? Why are they together besides the fact that Hook is the only single, straight, white male around Emma’s age available atm? Maybe I need to rewatch the last couple of seasons to figure it out, but I’m not doing that to myself. There are so many better thing to do with my time. Once Upon a Time, you are my garbage show and I love you for what you’ve been, but honest to God I’m not sure if I can keep watching if you keep promoting this boring ass romance. I thought one day I’d maybe stop watching because your plot was too insane or your continuity holes were too deep. I’m sad to say the reason might actually be because of a boring romance that sucked all the life out of you.