#or if anyone else knows this person I’m describing and is in touch with them since they just disappeared off tumblr one day but probably

[r0semultiverse]

To the transmasc guy/gender-fluid person in my DMs back in like 2016-2019 time range who was fixated on the Narnia series, Irish, a child actor (in the past doing a commercial with Santa Claus), and trying to get away from their abusive wealthy parents & family... I’m still here for you if you ever want to reach out. You deactivated your account randomly one day and I know it was a secret social media for you, but I hope you’re in a safer place now and away from those shitheads. I would still be down to hang out over voice call sometime too! Please reach out if this specific description fits you, I would love to catch up on how our lives have changed since then! 💜

[jinxs-gf]

songs explain what I can’t.

best friend!jinx x musician!reader

summary: you’re writing a song to confess your feelings to your best friend. only it does the opposite and your best friend believes her feelings for you are unrequited.

content, warnings: pics have nothing to do w readers appearance. modern au, reader is in a band, slight misunderstanding

word count: 1.1k

a.n. another request!! thank you <3

Jinx watches as you announce a newly written song. You seem more nervous and jittery than you'd usually be when performing a new project for the first time. It makes Jinx anxious for you, wishing she could soothe away your clear distress. Only you wouldn't let her.

For the past few months you'd been trying to make the perfect song. At least that's what it felt like to her. You shut her down every time she asked about it.

Her best friend subtly pushed her away. And it was tearing her apart.

You were—are everything to her. She’s never loved someone as strongly as she loves you. Never been loved as strongly as you love her. Though you two feel different types of love. Yours more platonic compared to hers…

You two shared everything with each other. Secrets that hadn’t been uttered to anyone else, delicate touches and words of intimacy.

Jinx wasn’t sure where the line was between platonic and romantic. A friend and a partner.

She’s never truly had anyone that filled both those categories. So how was she supposed to know how to distinguish the two?

She came to the conclusion that your actions were merely platonic, convincing herself that no one could ever really like—love her enough to want something more.

And she was okay with that (not really).

The song you’re presenting a sound she hasn't heard before, at least not from you. It was softer and sweeter than your usual punk-rockish sound. And in another life she'd love it. But in this one?

Jinx hears the song and gets...sad. Because there's a name in there and it isn't hers. you're singing about being in love with a woman that isn't jinx. And now she isn't sure what to feel. What to think. Because-

She convinced herself that she was just fine with you thinking of her as a friend. But the song was about falling in love with a close friend. It seemed like a clear homage to your friendship. It sounded like it was a song written about her. Blue hair described and all. And it references moments only the two of you have shared. Yet you sing another name.

Why would you hide this from her? Why wouldn’t you let her in on this person? Why why why…

Jinx would praise you and claim to love the song once it was over. Your routine after a performance was to run to her and engulf her in a big hug. Pouring all your adrenaline into the arms of your best friend. A hug that was oh so welcomed.

Her tattooed arms would squeeze you, while she hung onto the cloud of your affection and scent. A scent she’d admit she was probably weirdly obsessed with…

While you talked her ear off about how amazing the audience made you feel. Jinx loved listening to your post-performance talk sessions.

Every damn time without fail.

She’s not sure she can handle you going into detail about this new song though. It would surely break her. It’s okay, she reassures herself. Just try. Try to be supportive about this. Like you always do.

She holds her breath the moment the set is over. And as expected, you run down the stage and straight to her.

Except your hug feels less excited…

Was it because of the person you wrote about in your song? Have you been pulling away because of them?

“So…what did you think?”

Jinx responds, overly enthusiastic, “amazing! Just like always. You sure have a way with words.” And the last bit sounded bitter.

It left a bad taste in your mouth.

You wince, “really? Was it that bad?” You feel the need to explain yourself, “listen, I’m sorry I’ve been pulling away. But I needed the song to be good. I needed to get my point across and I didn’t want you to find out because it would ruin-”

Jinx is aware that the last thing you need right now is attitude, but finds herself rolling her eyes anyways. Your words make her feel like you know how she feels towards you, and that makes her feel exposed.

She grows defensive.

“Didn’t want me to find out because what? Any excuse you try to give me won’t be a good enough answer. You should’ve just told me about this girl you’re so infatuated with instead of keeping secrets.”

You gape at her, your band mates had awkwardly ushered the crowd away, sensing the tension before the argument even started.

“I- what girl? Jinx, the song is about you.”

“…What?”

“I know the song doesn’t explicitly name you, but I thought it was…obvious. I don’t know.”

The song was about falling in love with a close friend. That close friend being her. You were singing about her. You’re in love with her.

Well at least that’s been cleared up but…Jinx still feels defensive. If not a little offended.

"Why not? You don't want people to know you love me?"

"Of course I want people to! But I didn't want you to know. Up until now I thought we were just friends and that...that's all you wanted from me. I thought that y’know, this would be a cool confession. If you hated it I could just be like ‘hey no worries, the song isn’t about you anyways’.” You shrug helplessly.

"Silly goose. Of course I want you as more than a friend! What about the endless gifts I handmade? And how touchy-feely I am? That's all reserved specifically for you."

"Well I don't know how you are around your other friends!"

"I don't have other friends."

"Oh...how was I-"

She gives you no time to formulate a sentence. Usually you'd be annoyed at your best friend for interrupting you, but when she does it like this? By kissing you? Yeah you could get around to liking it.

And Jinx would normally be annoyed at your rambling only because she couldn't shut you up with a kiss. Yes she loved listening to you talk but sometimes you needed to slow down a bit.

And she could finally do that.

It was hungry, she refused to pull away. Allowing herself to practically eat you alive after all the pining she’s had to endure, thinking it was all one sided. It left your breathless, she seemed pretty keen on not letting you go.

You reluctantly pull away, trying to give yourself time to process everything. So much has happened in so little time.

She chases your lips, clearly not satisfied with the time she’s had with her lips on yours.

You give yourself about 5 seconds to cool off from the very dizzying kiss before you're rambling again.

"I don't exactly feel special anymore. I thought you chose to hang out with me because you loved me more than your other friends. Now-"

"Shut up," and she's kissing you again.

hey jinx lovers :P it’s good to be back

[general-dweebous]

I love the idea of meeting the infamous Halsin your friends boast about, and he’s just smitten with you

Everyone always described him as such a flirt- charming, handsome, the whole package so to speak. Granted you underestimated what they meant when describing how giant he truly is. But most of all, you didn’t expect him to be so.. wonderful.

You knew your friends keep good company, so you expected you’d get along, but you didn’t expect to be sitting next to the giant bear of a man enthralled in conversation for hours. Had it truly been hours? It’s easy to make friends, but more of a challenge to find others you truly connect with, and Halsin was checking off all of those boxes.

And of course, his looks and overall stature combined with this personality make it difficult not to swoon over, but at the moment, you’re too elated simply connecting so well with someone else again. Who else would let you ramble about cute critters for 45 minutes straight?

What you weren’t catching on to, however, was that Halsin was absolutely taken with you. His eyes would drink in your features when it was your turn to speak, a smile stuck on his face as he listened to your nonstop train of thought, rambling on about another fascination of yours. Others tend to find these conversations a bit goofy, laughing them off, but you were invested. Even about the silly little things. And he loves it. He truly feels that he could watch and listen to you for hours and he wouldn’t get tired of your company.

The way his cheeks would flush a warm pink when you laugh at a silly nature joke of his.

How he would feel his chest warm as you seem to unknowingly lean in closer to him, letting your knees touch his without moving away.

Let alone the way his heart would beat faster as you take his hand in both of yours, turning his palm to face upwards as you trace lines on his hands, “I’m serious- you have earth hands”

“earth hands?” he’d repeat with a slight chuckle

“well don’t laugh at me!” you’d reply with a taunting smile, “it’s all in the shape; broad, large, square hands. It’s positive, don’t worry. It means you have strong values, or something.”

“Does it? What else does it mean?”

You’d pause, holding his one (large..) hand in both of yours, “Responsible, practical.” you’d say, your thumb almost massaging his palm. “comfortable working with your hands,”

Halsin’s face would flush again, subtly. He’d notice the way yours does, too, which doesn’t help his ever growing infatuation. His eyes are locked on yours, he’d be happy if you held onto his hand forever. He is almost instinctively flirty, following up with “to put it lightly, I suppose.”

There would be a moment of shy silence. You, trying to hide your embarrassed smirk by staring at his palm longer.

Halsin would be the type to forget anyone else is in the room, lifting the palm from your hand to hook a finger under your chin to get you to look up at him. Even sitting down he’s still double your size. His thumb would graze your lower lip as his eyes gaze into yours.

Unfortunately, there are other people in the room, and they ruin the moment.

“Halsin, have you seen- of course.” your mutual friend would say, rolling their eyes with a laugh. “Stop flirting with my ride home!” They’d tease as they grab your arm and pull you away. You know he’d be wanting to chase after you like some silly romantic novel. Another mutual friend from the group would plop down next to him, smacking him on the back with a laugh. “Careful, your eyes are practically turning into hearts.” They’d taunt. “They’re great, right?”

“An understatement.” He’d say with a warm smile, watching you leave, already hoping for the next encounter.

[iguessweallcrazyithinktho]

𝐒𝐨𝐮𝐥 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐞 • 𝐉𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐁𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐚𝐦

Summary: English is not my first language so sorry for the mistakes… I was thinking about something fuffly + smut. Like the reader being innocent and a shy person. She and jude got into their relationship recently and they have had no sex yet bc jude don’t wants to pressure her to do anything (but ofc he wants have sex w her), especially when he starts to realize how innocent she is… he thinks she’s too cute and at the same time he wants to ruin her, he feel the need to protect her. But when y/n is in a convo w her girlies friends and one of them asks about her sex life w jude and she don’t know what to say, she would be curious about it but would be too shy to talk w jude about it he would find it weird that she was quiet and looking bothered by something and would talk w her. After insists a lot, she finally says about all the stuffs that she heard about her friends and she would be “idk how react” and jude gets fully turned on by her innocent but makes he’s best to not show ithe tries to find a way to explain for her without destroy her innocent but she wants to know about everything and she wants him to do everything w her bc she wants to be his.

Genre: smut, fluff

Warning: MATURE CONTENT, virgin reader, sex talk, innercourse unprotected sex, cursing, innocent reader(?)

Pairing: Jude Bellingham x f reader

Word count: 1.6k

Jude Masterlist

Enjoy

You wonder what it’s like to have sex.

While driving over to your boyfriends place after a day of hanging out with your friends, that thought popped into your head. What was it like to have sex? Was it the worst thing in the world or was it the best thing in the world?

The way your friends described it, it was the best thing ever. It was as if your souls were intertwined together. A step in your relationship that was huge as they said.

You’ve never got to experience that. Nah You were a virgin, innocent as can be. Sure you touched yourself, but you never had anyone else touch you.

You wondered if your boyfriend Jude thought about having sex with you? You wondered if he ever wanted to do those special things your friends talked about, with you. You’ve only been together for 2 months and he has never pressured you into having sex with you and you love him for that. But you wondered if he wanted you as much as you imagined.

-

You turned your car off once you reached Jude’s apartment.

You walked up to the front door and knocked. A few seconds went by before the door opened revealing your smiley boyfriend.

“Hi, baby.”

“Hi.” You smiled back.

Jude pulled you into the door and hugged you right before he kissed you.

“how are you?” Jude shut the door and you began pulling off your shoes and coat off.

“I’m good. Just got done hanging out with my girlfriends.”

“ok well that’s nice. I’m about to order some food and maybe we can watch a show or something. How does that sound?”

“Sounds pretty good.” You smiled at him. Jude kissed you one more time before he went off to order dinner and you went to the couch.

-

An hour passed by your food arrived. You put on a show and you both sat on the couch to watch it while eating.

Throughout the whole show you were very antsy. You couldn’t sit still. Every few seconds you would change your position on the couch. Jude took notice. He tried to ignore it, but after a bit he couldn’t.

“Love, what’s wrong?” Jude picked up the remote pausing the TV. His hands found your waist under his hoodie you had borrowed for the cold temperatures.

Judes hands on your waist wasn’t something you were unfamiliar with, but today it made chills run down your spine.

“What’s wrong pretty girl?”

“um…” You avoided jude’s eyes “its really fucking silly.”

“No it’s not. Tell me what’s going on in your head?”

You looked up into jude’s brown eyes. “um so when I was with my friends today, we were- well they went talking about sex and of course I uh.. I didn’t understand.”

You laughed looking down at your lap in embarrassment, but Jude put his finger under your chin making you look at him.

“What didn’t you understand?”

“I didn’t understand the sex positions they were referring to. Like missionary, doggy. Also they said when you have sex with someone it’s like your souls intertwine with each and the moment is very special and important. It made me wonder if you can explain it to me.”

You swallowed, happy to finally get that off your chest.

Jude loves how innocent you are. You were clueless, it made him feel things he hoped you didn’t notice.

“Baby, all those things they talked about are really interesting. Missionary is when the man is top and the woman is on the bottom. You’re face to face with each. Doggy isn’t the way. The woman’s non all four and the man’s behind.”

You nodded. “that’s interesting. So what about your souls intertwine? Is that true?”

Jude hesitated for a second before nodding. “yeah, but it’s only with someone special you know?” Jude ran his hand over his stubble chin then locking eyes with you.

“can you show me?”

Jude eyes widen. “you want me to show you?”

“Yes. Show me what it’s like to be fucked in missionary. Show me what doggy is. Show me what it’s like for our souls to be intertwine Jude.”

The abrupt wave of confidence came as a shock but you didn’t care. You needed this badly.

Jude looked at you, his bottom lip pulled in between his teeth. He grabbed your face. “ok . Lemme show you.”

Jude kissed you. A shiver ran down your spine as he pulled you onto of his lap in seconds.

You moaned into his lips. Jude hand ran up your spine till he found your bra. He unhooked it with one hand.

“lets take my shirt off.” You said once you pulled away from Jude. You tugged the hoodie off of you and your bra. From the waist up you were nude. You just realized you were completely nude in front of Jude for the first time. You couldn’t help but get shy when you notice him staring down at your body.

“you’re fucking stunning.” Jude found your lips again. His hand left your back and found your breast. He rolled your nipple between his finger making you groan into his lips.

“take off your clothes. I can’t be the only one.”

Jude laughed. You slid off of him to let him remove his clothes. While he did that you pulled off your jeans. Leaving you in your black lace panties.

Jude was completely nude now. “I’m going to show you what missionary is.”

Jude climbed onto of you. His fingers found our panties. He looked up at you for confirmation to take them off. To which you gave.

“Jude pulled them off of you. He leaned down, his lips found your stomach and he trailed kisses up it. Your breathing grow heavy at each touch of his.

When he reached your cleavage of your boobs, he looked up at you. “are you sure you want to do this?”

You ran your hand over the nap of Jude’s neck. “of course. I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else.”

Jude hummed an ok. you watched as he stroked himself a few times before placing himself between your fold, slipping in you slowly with ease from how wet you were.

Your heart slammed against your chest. You squeezed your eyes shut while he went further and further into you.

“You’re doing so good baby.” Jude said lowly. His lips finding your cheek.

“Are you ready for me to move?”

“yes.” You barely squeak out. Jude moved in you. A hiss fell from your lips from not being used to the feeling but it felt amazing nonetheless.

Jude started out slow but gradually grew faster. Both Your moans filled the room like a symphony playing the most beautiful music.

“omg Jude yes.” You grabbed ahold of his biceps as he thrust into you with everything he could give. The sounds you were making were music to jude’s ears. “You fuck me so good.”

You look up and smile slightly at him. Then your eyes rolled into the back of your head.

“yeah?” jude smirks. He closed the gap between you both. You lips lazily moved against each other.

You tighten around him. You were close, the familiar burn in your lower stomach making you squirm beneath your boyfriend.

“you’re going to cum?” Jude pressed his hand on your lower stomach making you groan. All he could do was laugh at how he was make you feel.

Jude kept up his rapid thrust. He pressed his hand deep into that your tummy and that was enough to make you cum.

Your back arched off the couch and you moaned into Jude’s neck. Jude kept going to ride you through your orgasm, but also to help him reach his own.

“Fuck in going to cum.” He said through breathy grunts. He pulls out you then coming on your stomach.

The both of you sat there catching your breaths. When Jude finally was calm he got up and went to the bathroom right off the living room. He came back with a towel in his hand to wipe your stomach.

“so was that everything you dreamed about for a first time?”

Looking over at him you nod. “best thing ever. Thank you.” You kissed him before reaching down on the floor and picking up your hoodie and panties.

“but you haven’t showed me everything I’m looking forward to showing me the other stuff.”

You watched as Jude laughed softly. “don’t worry darling. I’ll show you everything.”

[wayfayrr]

I've been on a little bit of a first kick recently - so here's a first meeting of reader and him based on this piece of the dolls au by @ovegakart (this amazing comic piece in particular) and on the topic of tagging people I've got some new friends on discord who have a love of first so consider this a gift <3 @fanfic-fairy-fountain @dreaming-of-lu @angry-trashcan @neverchecking <333 enjoy!

[masterlist]

“Hello..? Time… Sky… Link? Is anyone there?”

As if being forced into Hyrule wasn’t bad enough when I was with the chain, now that cursed shadow decides to push it even further by separating me from them? Why not just kill me outright… Is it to try to give the heroes hope? Wouldn’t it be worse for them for it to kill me outright than string them along with false hope?

“IS ANYONE HERE? HELLO??”

Where even am I? It looks like… Oh. Alone in catacombs, yeah if there’s anywhere to be killed by a malicious shadowy entity it would be in catacombs. Are there going to be redeads here?  If the rest of the monsters are anything to go off of it’s going to be much worse dealing with them now. They can’t handle sunlight though, can they? 

Then that means the pile of rubble in the centre here should be the safest place for me to think through the best way to handle all of this. If the shadow really wants to get to me then of course that won’t stop it but I have to try something right? Is sitting on top of what looks like a grave a little disrespectful? Yes. Do I have many options at the minute? No.

“-Wait-!”

WHY IS THE GRAVE SLIDING OPEN - WHAT WAS THAT!? WHY DOES IT SOUND LIKE SOMEONE IS YELLING?? 

“What… happened? Where is this place?”

I think without a doubt the sound I’ve just made is the most blood-curdling scream I’ve ever let out and - WHY IS HE COVERING MY MOUTH!?

“I’m sorry I know you’re confus- ACK.”

Was biting him the right option? Probably not! But it’s the only thing I could think of to do seeing as well, I'm not exactly calm at this moment in time. Despite the fact that this man has known me for, what, the span of less than a minute, he seems to have at the very least noticed my panic. Backing off like you would with a scared animal - do I really look that petrified? It’s taking everything in me now to not give into my racing heart. 

“I’m sorry, I must’ve overstepped your boundaries. But please can you not be so loud?”

“....”

“... yeah. Yeah I can be a bit quieter”

“So you uhhh-”

Where do I even start - this man just - He just crawled out of a grave. What do you even respond to that with??? 

“...You come round here often?”

[name]. [name] what the heck was that. That's how you flirt with someone at a bar not speak to a living corpse.

“No, I don’t really?”

“Yeah, I figured. I -”

“Are you alright?”

“Look I’m just a bit overwhelmed, I was separated from my group and dropped here then you- You crawled out of a grave and now I’m just?? I’m just stressed and this is only things that have happened today. Now I know that you’re probably more stressed for obvious reasons, but I’m just - I’m sorry for screaming.”

He took a step closer to me at that, not trying to be intimidating, but more cautious. Asking for permission to touch me with an invitingly open outstretched arm, one that seemed to promise some sort of salvation from all the stress I’ve been feeling. One that I was embarrassingly quick to accept. His touch - His hold, is so warm for someone who should really be so cold, there’s definite comfort in feeling his heart beating as well something that proves he’s alive. It didn’t last for long though, as he pulled himself away, reluctantly if I were being bold in how I was to describe it. His fingers lingered, resting on my arm in such a teasingly wanting way. He’s definitely a link thats for sure, that helps me to be more comfortable around him than I would have been with anyone else. He looks like he’s about to start crying.

I - oh god I’m the first person he’s seen since he came back to life. 

“Are you alright link?”

Was that the wrong thing to say? He hasn’t introduced himself to me,  I shouldn’t have said that. It seems like now it’s his turn to look confused - more so than he already was. 

“you how do you know my name?”

“I just guessed, the group I was with before they - well they all looked similar and went by the same name ‘link’ so I just assumed it was the same with you. I hope that doesn’t bother you.”

“No it doesn’t.” Why is he reaching for my face? He’s got such a soft look on his face, do I remind him of someone? He’s been dead so it could be possible I guess, but it feels like there’s more to how he said it than just something that simple. 

“Oh my dearest love...”

His hands are so soft… it’s hard not to just lean into his touch and stay there, but there are more important things to be dealing with right now. As much as I’d prefer to not have these questions answered. 

“What do you mean by that link? I don’t - I don’t think I’ve met you before.”

He’s so warm, I hate the fact that he’s most likely going to stop holding me when he realises I’m not the person he’s really ever going to want in a relationship. 

“You haven’t but, I can already tell that you’ll be my beloved soon enough.”

“I’m sorry? We’ve only just met how can you tell s- ACK”

This has to just be a link thing. What is it that makes them fall so quickly? But to hold someone so tightly when you've only just met them - when you’ve only just come back from death?  That doesn’t seem like a healthy thing for him, not in the slightest. 

Is my shoulder wet?

Why would it be wet - he was tearing up earlier and - no there it is he’s sniffling as if he’s trying his hardest not to cry. Even if he’s mildly delusional how cruel would you have to be to not help someone go through something as tough as this clearly is. It’s not hard to gently rub his back as he cries onto me, it’s not hard to hum to him as he clutches me like a lifeline, it’s not hard to be here for him when I have to do so little for him. 

“Link? Would you like to talk about it? I don’t know you but - but I’ll be here to listen to you.”

“Thank you. It’s simply that I - I don’t know why or how I got here, It’s simply that I woke up in there after everything then I saw you -”

“[name]”

“[name] and well you know what has happened since. I have to thank you for being here though, there’s something about you, some kind of energy that just feels like a part of myself that I lost. You feel like home to me [name]”

With that last sentence, he burrows his head even further into my neck seeking what I can only guess is comfort. He’s probably just desperate for another person's touch right now, rather than him having fallen in love with me from the briefest interaction that didn’t even go that well.   There’s no harm in waiting here with him for a moment though. What could go wrong in this amount of time?

[not-poignant]

Hello, I was wondering if you have any tips for how to start getting into writing?? I’ve always wanted to write the stories in my head down but I struggle with writing and am not very good in general haha. When I read your books I get so filled with inspiration but feel like it’s too late for me to start ( even though logically I know I’m still quite young, but being in my final year of university feels like I’m running on quicksand ).

When reading Falling Falling Stars for the first time, it was like being shown a new type of love, being shown that has changed me as a person, which is why I’m reaching out.

Thank you for your time and for sharing your wonderful stories.

Hi anon!

People can learn how to write - especially for themselves - at any age. In fact sometimes it's easier to start when you're a bit older, when you've read and experienced a lot more stories and have an idea of the kind of things you enjoy reading.

It's important mostly to just be patient and gentle with yourself. You don't have to sit down and write a contained story, free yourself from the idea that you have to write a chronological/sequential complete story when you get started.

Start with the things you want to see most. Say there's a show where you just want two characters to hook up. Write a page of that. Not even the reason why, just...start with what you're imagining.

At first it might not be exactly what you're hoping for. There will be lines you like, and dialogue you think 'oh yeah this is kind of what I wanted' etc. that's okay. Think of it like...when people start out in art, it's not what they imagined yet, but that doesn't mean it's bad! It's a 'sketch.' It's good to do lots of writing sketches too.

If you find you enjoy writing things that you've always imagined and wish you could read, practice other things too! You can look around your environment and write 'how would I describe where I'm sitting if I loved this place more than anywhere else in the world' and then write 'how would I describe where I'm sitting to an alien' or 'how would I describe how this place smells, or looks, or sounds (practice listening for the sounds outside too, it can be meditative!), or feels to the touch.'

You can do those 'sketches' anywhere - in cafes, in restaurants, on public transport, on your notes app at a friend's place, at a family dinner after everyone's eaten and you're just chilling.

And then often without thinking about it, you will use those skills to breathe more life into the things you want to see most in your writing. Instead of just a one page hook up, you might write four pages where you describe the bedroom, how things feel, what the 'mood' is etc.

All you need is an urge to see certain things in the world and wanting to write them down. Put down random lines of dialogue. If you imagine two characters arguing, or hugging, or making up, write down somewhere quickly: 'These two characters hugging' to inspire you later. Maybe something specific about it makes you happy. 'They're hugging but this one is grabbing the other one's jumper/sweater really tightly.'

Writing for me is a sequence of moments, and while I write chronologically / sequentially now, I didn't used to! I gave myself permission to write scenes because I found it freeing, because if nothing else, then I have a scene of something I always wanted to see in the world. Maybe I do nothing more than just read and enjoy it sometimes, well, that's what I wanted - to write something I wanted to see in the world!

Anyone can do that, anon, and age is seriously no barrier to that. Writing creatively is one of those things that, like wine, tends to age/get better with time, whether you're practicing it or not. Learning more about the world, other people, ourselves, and the things in it, reading more, watching more film and TV, that actually enriches our imaginative landscape, and that's what fuels writing (even if you don't have an 'imagination' in the classic sense).

Writing creatively isn't about writing 'books' - anyone can sit down and write a moment, and you can too. And if you don't like looking at a blank page, just put down a sentence. Even a sentence from another story that inspires you.

My favourite writing advice to defeat a blank page because it always makes me laugh is:

Write the worst sentence you possibly can. Like, go out of your way and make it bad and silly.

'What a dumb brown rug.'

There, you no longer have a blank page! And you can definitely write a better sentence than that!

'He hated that rug, the colour reminded him of mud, and it didn't suit the room at all.'

'He rubbed his shoes on the brown rug, locking his hands together, twisting his fingers and hoping no one noticed him.'

But you know, 'what a dumb brown rug' is fun too. :D

And ultimately, you just have to try and have some fun with it <333

[httpiastri]

my little race winner – cn21

clement is there to cheer you on after your first f3 win.

genre: fluff

pairing: gender neutral f3 driver!reader x boyfriend!clement novalak

warnings: none

requested: yes!

author’s note: clement makes me weak in my knees… anyways let’s pretend there isn’t only like 40 minutes between the f3 and f2 feature on sunday hehe. and also, the use of “little” doesn’t necessarily have to describe the reader being small. i would cry (happy tears) if clement called me little even though i’m almost his height 🤭

f2/f3 masterlist

few feelings beat the feeling of winning a race.

especially when the race has been long, competitive, and more strategic than usual. especially when it's your first ever win in formula 3, in your first year of competing in the series.

today in silverstone, where formula 1 first started some 70 years ago, you've taken the win in the feature race of the weekend. starting from p8, you didn't have any big expectations, but you hoped for a good race and some points for the championship. despite losing positions in the first few laps, you worked your way up and – with some help from perfectly timed safety cars – you were able to overtake the leader with just a few laps to go.

and the feelings exploding in your chest as you went past the finish line before anyone else were unlike anything you’d witnessed before.

standing up on the front of your car, you raise your arms in the air as the cheers grow louder. your teammate gabriel bortoleto finished just behind you in second place, and he comes up right next to you and helps you down before patting your back. "great race, congrats!" he says, his smile visible even through the open visor of his helmet.

"you too!" you tell him, returning the smile before you both make your way over to your team members waiting for you at the fence.

you pull off your helmet as you watch gabriel go along the crowd first. he is lucky to have kept his helmet on, because not only does he get hugs and back rubs; several of the mechanics insist on slapping the top of his helmet as he passes. you hoped they would go easier on you, but being the winner of the race, they all celebrate you even louder and harder. you hug them all tightly, thanking them for their great work, before stopping a few seconds extra with your trainer who has a full-on speech prepared for you.

you assumed your trained would be the last person in line to congratulate you, but just as you part from hugging him again, you feel a new hand on your shoulder. there is something about the touch, something that feels familiar – you'd felt this hand on you thousands of times. you know instantly who it belongs to.

your mouth drops in surprise once you turn your head to the side, watching as your boyfriend flashes you the biggest smile you’ve ever seen. you throw yourself onto him, your arms draping around his neck. "hey," he starts, pulling away just a little bit to look into your eyes. "great race!"

"did you see it all?" you ask, followed by a squeal when he nods. you pull him back into your embrace. "i'm so happy! so so so so so happy!"

as he holds you close, clement starts to place chaste kisses on your cheek and down your neck, the combination of his lips and the feeling of his stubble against your skin making you squirm in his hold. "you should be, you’re amazing." you lean back a little, taking his face into your hands. "i mean, i'm not sure what you did in turn fifteen in the first lap, you could've just taken the inside and- ouch!"

you pinch his cheeks jokingly when he starts tormenting you, wanting to stop the strings of critique flowing from his mouth. "you suck," you tease, sticking your tongue out at him.

"oh, please, you love me."

his eyes twinkle with his smile, the white long-sleeve trident shirt hugs his muscles in just the right places while his racing suit hangs at his hips, and he looks far too good for someone who's just about to go sweat down an entire car for the next hour or so. how could you possibly stay upset with him?

you nod, reaching forward to place a quick kiss to his lips. "i do. and you love me too, i hope? despite my failures in lap one?"

a laugh bubbles from his chest. "most definitely." he gives you one more kiss before he looks at something right behind you. "i think they're calling for you. the podium awaits, and so on..."

you look back to see a worker waving for you to hurry up, so you turn back to your boyfriend. "oh. i'll see you after your race, then?"

he pulls you in for one last hug, pressing yet another kiss to your cheek. "my little race winner. i'm so proud," he whispers, and a slight blush spreads across your face at his words. once you part, he playfully pushes your shoulders towards the worker, not wanting you to hold up the ceremony anymore.

even more people congratulate you as you make your way through the building and towards the podium, but your mind is still stuck on something, and someone, else. you’ve managed to win your first ever race in f3, and to have clement by your side as you did it? how did you ever get so lucky?

few feelings beat the feeling of winning a race. but the feeling of standing on the podium, looking down at the crowd and making eye contact with clement, who's smiling like an idiot and cheering loudest of them all? that feeling's got to be in the top 3, at the very least.

[retroellie]

Sorry I Can’t Take Your Touch

Summary: Daryl finds out you're asexual :)

A/N: I have recently just found out that Daryl being asexual is cannon?!? Bitch who was gonna tell me because period asf. As an asexual (I know shocking right?) I wanted to write how Daryl finds out that you’re asexual and maybe finding out along the way that maybe he is too?? This is kind of a vent on my part too, I kinda like let loose on my frustrations on being asexual. Also I want to say there is nothing wrong with being a very sexual person or being a virgin period, I just wanted to say that first thing so y’all weren’t thinking I’m shaming y’all… BUT ENJOYYYY <3

Warnings: NSFW situations 

Word count: 2.2K

“I’m sorry Daryl… I didn’t want to lead you on but I can’t.” You said, watching as the man slid his pants back onto his legs.

Daryl and you were laying in bed, one thing led to another… his lips were on you and then his hands were on you, your moans only adding onto the fuel that laid deep in his stomach. You were completely melting underneath his touch, you were feeling so safe and taken care of, Daryl made sure of that.

But it was you, you could never feel safe with anyone like this. The sudden fear that washed over you, the anxiety that took the place of lust and the feeling of sinking into the bed held you in place. You couldn’t help the feeling, it happened every time you let anyone try to make you feel good. It was something you hated, something you despised because when everyone else was out fucking in college you were stuck in your own little shell.

You were labeled as a tease and a joke to mostly everyone, being told that your virginity was a burden to them. You never knew why you felt like this, maybe it could have been a trauma response to something you can’t remember or maybe it’s the way people talk about sex to you. It was like you were unable to feel what they were describing, it made you cringe and it didn’t sound very appealing to you. In movies you felt sick when love scenes came up, you would wince when you saw a couple going at it at parties and you would tense up when anyone ever hinted at getting into your pants.

You would get into moods obviously but those feelings you liked to be alone with, you would take care of it in your own way… in other words you would much rather make love to yourself. Those moods sent you to this moment right now, Daryl touching you in ways you have never been before… mostly because you would never get this far with others.

You freaked though, as soon as his pants came off you knew it was going to happen. You jumped up, pushing him away from you so fast it almost hurt him. You didn’t mean to hurt him or frustrate him, you just never liked things like that and you couldn’t go through with it. Daryl made you feel safe and he made you feel things you have never felt, but unfortunately the feelings you had of this kind of intimacy stuck.

“Daryl please…” you said, reaching up to stop him from getting completely dressed and leaving you there.

He pulled away from your touch, yanking himself away to turn around to see your face covered in horror. He felt terrible, he felt like he had made you feel you had to do this or he did something wrong or even you were not loving him the way he loves you because you wouldn’t let him touch you. He didn’t understand you mostly because you never explained it to him. He breathed heavy, his anger being visible from miles away.

“What’s yer problem woman?? If you didn’t want me, that's all you had to say.” He yelled.

Daryl was so frustrated when it came to you, you were never jumping his bones every chance you got or clawing at him to take his clothes off. No, You were sweet and caring to him, but the biggest thing was that you didn’t want sex from him. That irritated him because Daryl only knew girls who wanted sex so he adapted to that, he adapted to the fact that if a woman doesn’t fuck you she doesn’t love you.

“Daryl that’s not it..” you started but you couldn’t finish

“Then what is it!! Is there another man or you got teeth down er or somethin’” he asked, watching as your eyes softened at him from his shitty attempt at a joke.

You didn’t quite know what your problem was, you were as lost as him. You would always much rather watch movies and cuddle than fuck someone, not that you wouldn’t find that enjoyable if you were normal. Even that word irked you, “normal” what does that even mean? Is what you are feeling normal? Or is your brain not working properly? Bottom line is you didn’t like the intimacy of sex and you envied people that could.

“Look Daryl… I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I really don’t. For as long as I can remember I have never liked to be touched like that, like ever. I’ve never done the deed I guess because I don’t have any desire to do it.” You explained, playing with the small string on your shirt. “I do like you Daryl, I just can’t give you that and if you don’t want to see me anymore… I understand, I understand that not everyone can just throw sex away like that.”

Daryl suddenly felt fucking terrible for making you feel like you had to apologize for it, he felt bad for yelling. Daryl wanted you more than you could ever know, if he could just lay you down and fuck you silly… he would in a heartbeat. Not being able to love you in the only way he knew would be challenging for Daryl simply because he’s never felt like that towards anyone before, it was a rarity to have feelings for anyone at all.

He let your words linger in the air for a bit, the silence bouncing off the walls as you sat on your knees atop the soft sheets. You felt the way Daryl felt, completely terrible. You had similar conversations to people in the past, telling them you just didn’t want to have sex… you just couldn’t. They always left after, which honestly showed their true colors but in the end you were still alone with the hurt. This time it was different though because it was Daryl, you hadn’t felt this way in years and if he left… you wouldn’t just be heart broken, no your entire world would be shattered.

Daryl just sighed, pulling his pants up and then sitting down on the bed next to you. The bed dipped below you, causing you to slightly fall into him. He stretched his legs out, looking down at his feet.

“I want you y/n… and I want you badly.” He started, your heart was already starting to drop… waiting for his speech about how he’s going to leave you. “But if that’s not what you want then…. I’ll just have to deal with it.”

You were shocked, you assumed nothing good can come out of this conversation and you would be left heart broken once again. But Daryl Dixon was actually going to try to understand you, that was something the old Daryl wouldn’t even begin to think. Daryl really didn’t understand it, he truly didn’t because that’s unheard of from where he’s from but a lot of anything else hadn’t been heard of to him.

“Really?” You asked, puppy eyes staring up at him.

Daryl nodded, lifting his head away from his feet to make eye contact with you. Daryl liked sex but something about not having sex with a person he loved… he kind of admired. It makes the relationship feel real, like the thing in between your legs wasn’t holding your relationship all together. Besides Daryl wasn’t the biggest fan of sex, he liked it but it felt like too much work just for 20 seconds of Ecstasy.

“Sure, I mean ya gonna have to teach me…. Like how to not have sex and be like celibate and shit.” He started causing you to giggle.

It was funny to you how he still didn't understand still but he was trying. You weren’t celibate, you just simply decided not too. You would love for Daryl to be able to touch you and touch him but something about it just gave you a ick deep down inside you.

“Daryl!” You chuckled, slightly pushing him jokingly just to ease up the awkwardness. “Hun I’m not asking you to be celibate, I don’t mind if you give into some of your urges… I wouldn't mind you touching yourself when I’m around or maybe down the road you could touch me…”

Daryl blushed at that thought, the thought of being able to touch you or even hell… touching himself while you’re in the room with him as you watch him pleasure himself with a puppy dog look on your face. Daryl would kill for it so of course he’d wait for you, even if you never wanted to and you decided never to do anything ever… the thought alone would allow Daryl to die a happy man.

“I don’t know what I’m willing to do yet, I have no idea Daryl… maybe one day I’ll be ready or maybe I never will be, like I said, if you aren’t down with this, I mean if you think this will get in the way of our relationship. Just please tell me because if you leave now it’ll hurt less.” You paused, giving Daryl time to think about it. “I’m just sorry I can’t give you what you want, I should’ve told you sooner…”

“Jesus Christ woman!” Daryl raised his voice, cutting your sentence off. “Stop apologizing’!”

Daryl tried to come off as laid back, almost like he didn’t care but his voice was soaked with frustration. His frustration wasn’t because you wouldn’t have sex with him but because you don’t understand that he understood your boundaries. He didn’t want you to apologize for what you feel, you said once before that you would want him if you could… something inside of you just wouldn’t allow it though. Daryl wasn’t mad though, he wasn’t upset that he couldn’t get his dick wet or because he couldn’t see you on your knees below him. Would he want those things? Yes, but Daryl loved you… deep down inside he did so leaving you was not even a thing that crossed his mind.

“I ain’t leavin ya’ because you won’t let me fuck… don’t be stupid.” He started, attempting to look anywhere but your eyes but they pulled him in… staring into his soul, not allowing any secret to be untold. “You just have to teach me, I mean look at me, I’m a redneck that grew up on sex and drugs. So it ain’t normal for a girl to say she doesn’t want me for sex.”

Sex and drugs flowed deep down in Daryl’s redneck blood, but the other part of him just wanted someone to love. His love language is touch and kind words but he would never tell anyone that… ever. He relished in you cuddling him at night or telling him he did a great job hunting that day, every time you did something like that for him he would fall more in love with you. Daryl could live without sex, sex was just his way of being in a relationship with someone… it was his own way to feel closer to the person he was dating.

“ ‘sides sex is overrated, I mean it’s great when it’s done right but mostly… it ain’t done right.” He tried to joke, but the feelings of the conversation made him slightly uncomfortable.

You giggled at him, sitting down on the side of the bed so you were as close as you could be to Daryl. You grabbed his arm, wrapping yourself around him to give him a half ass cuddle. Daryl felt warm inside when you did this, he had never felt so close to you mentally or physically. Feelings icked him out but he realized how important they were for you.

“Thank you Daryl… I mean it, I know it’s weird how I am but it is how I am. You trying to understand it means a lot to me… I just don’t want you to feel like you can’t come to me with things like that though, I’m still open to trying things or making you feel good…” you stated, resting your head on his shoulder. “Just need time..”

Daryl would wait, forever if he had too because honestly he was just happy you allowed him into your life. He felt you just being around him was a blessing and he couldn’t ask for anything better in life. Before you all he knew was how to fight and survive, the living part got blurred between the lines at some point. You brought back the reason as to why Daryl was still on this planet, you gave him the hope he needed throughout his entire life.

You looked up at him, rubbing his bicep in small circles. He sighed, watching you with content in his eyes. He looked down at your lips and then back at your eyes, watching you slowly get lost in his blue ones.

“You know… I still am always up for a makeout session, maybe you could do that thing with your tongue on my ear again?? I liked that…” you chuckled, watching as Daryl’s mouth curved into a smirk.

“Anything for you bunny…”

[liliansun]

pairing: jeno x reader (ft.yanghyuck)

synopsis: nothings worse than having a crush on the same person since you were kids—actually having your roommate sleeping with him kinda tops the cake. let’s just hope you can get your feelings to him before he gets something else.

warnings: swearing, mentions of sex but not explicitly described—just like talked about if that makes sense (no actual smut), jeno is kinda a player and an asshole, mentions of mark from nct & winter from aespa

word count: 9.5k

genre: childhood school friends 2 potential lovers, angst, fluff, humor bc I think I’m funny

a/n: this was put off for so long so please be nice w the criticism 🧎‍♀️

Rolling over in bed, you look at the clock for what felt like the millionth time within the last few hours. The time read 3:49am, making you groan as you turn back over and pull the blanket over your head. Most people would be asleep by now, unless they were studying for a major exam that was right around the corner, but that didn’t apply to you. Instead of getting the well needed rest you were so desperate for, you were forced to hear the sounds of your roommate getting railed by your middle school crush in the next room. Other than keeping you up, knowing what was going on between the two on the other side of the wall made your heart ache.

You tried to drown them out, pressing your palm against your ear in hopes that the noise would fade, but it never does. Grabbing the pair of headphones on your spare pillow, you opt for sticking them in your ear and putting your playlist on shuffle. You weren’t sure when you finally dozed off, but you were awakening by the sound of your favorite song playing on blast. Jolting up on your bed, you rip your blanket from your body and start patting around the bed, looking for the little buds that seemed to have fallen out while you slept. After searching for a few minutes, you put them back into their case and turned the music off on your phone before getting out of bed.

When walking down the hallway, you stretched your arms out along with a big yawn. “Didn’t get much sleep I see.” You heard a husky voice call out behind you. You jump, gasping as you turned around to see Jeno standing in your hallway. He was shirtless, shorts loosely hugging his waist as he ruffled the towel around his neck into the back of his hair. “Oh shit, you scared me.”

“Sorry y/n, I thought you heard the door shut.” He replied, as he stopped drying his hair. Trying to catch your breath, the sight alone is enough to keep you awake, but he didn’t exactly need to know that. “Are you alright? Your face is looking a little red.” He asked, bringing one hand up to touch your cheek. The back of his fingers brushed against your skin, sending your brain and heart into a frenzy.

“Y-yeah I’m okay! That’s just how I look when I wake up.” You reply quickly, stepping back to create more distance between you two. Taking a few more steps, you trying to calm your heart as you walked towards the kitchen. Jeno followed, drying the other side of his head. “You never did say if you got enough sleep, you still look pretty tired.” Opening the fridge, you grabbed the milk and a container of fruit. “How could anyone sleep with the noise you two were making?” Guilt immediately washed over you after realizing how badly it sounded out loud. When you looked up, you saw Jeno sitting at the table, lowering his head a bit. “I’m sorry, I told her to be quiet, but she said you were already asleep.”

Shrugging, you setting the milk on the counter and opening the cabinet for the bowls. “It’s fine, it happens ya know? Nature and all.” It all sounded pretty stupid in your head, but it was better than talking about how he rearranges your roommates insides three times a week. Grabbing the protein powder he keeps stashed in your pantry as well as your favorite cereal, you move to the table and set set everything down. “You making a shake?” You almost want to laugh, shaking your head as you take your cereal, bowl and milk to the table. “No, but I know that you will, muscle pig.”

“At least I don’t eat straight sugar for breakfast, wait are those unicorn marshmallows?” He squints as he leans over the table, pointing at your now half full bowl. You gasp, covering your bowl with your hands. “How dare you insult this magical bowl of goodness?” You’re amused at the way he laughs at your seriousness. “Nothing princess, just enjoy the cereal.” Part of you knows he didn’t mean anything by it and that he was joking with you because of your choice of cereal, but that didn’t mean the other part of you wished he always called you that. Just as you were deciding on crying into your bowl in the comfort of your bed, the vibration of your phone saved you from explaining that later on.

Pulling it from your pocket, you mentally roll your eyes at the caller ID. “There she is!” Yangyang sang as he smiled when you answered his video call. “Do you know what time it is?” You ask, propping your phone against your bowl so you can pour the milk in. “Yes I’m very aware of what time it is, why do you- ooh I see you have company.” He wiggles his eyebrows up when noticing Jeno in the back assembling his shake. “Eyes on me liu.” He smirks, looking over to whoever was beside him. “We’ll talk about this later or actually in fifteen if you’re not dressed in ten.” You nearly choke on your cereal, wiping your mouth with your sleeve. “Did I miss when I agreed to go out with you?”

“Oh so you wanna go out with me.”

“I’m literally gonna castrate you.” Yangyang laughs, handing his phone over to Haechan who seemed way too happy to see your hair sticking up on the side. “Beautiful baby, even when you’re a mess.” Contemplating on hanging up, you let out an annoyed sigh. “Yang is too busy getting no bitches to tell you, but we’re going down to that new place near the library and you’re coming, right?” Chewing on your breakfast, you contemplate the options. If you go, there’s free food and a chance to get a new book or even just hide in the library where neither Haechan or Yangyang will find you. If you don’t go, you’d be home alone on a Saturday and as tempting as that sounds, you’re not sure how much more of shirtless Jeno you can handle.

“Say please and I’ll go.” Haechan smiles, the kind of smile that’s so sickening sweet that it makes your insides flip. Just as you’re about to question him and his weird grin, you hear a knock at the door. Both you and Jeno turn to look at each other, shrugging as you get up from the table and go answer. When you open the door, Haechan is standing in front of you, clicking end on your call as he opens his arms. “Pretty please, mommy?” You scoff, staring at him in amusement. “Never call me mommy again and I’ll go.” Satisfied, he pulls you forward by your sleeve and engulfs you into a hug. “Yes, mommy.”

“You’re pushing it hyuck.” You mumbled against his jacket. “I just love it when you talk dirty to me.” He practically whispers, laughing as you look up at him in utter disgust.

When Yangyang finally gets to the top of the stairs, he overlooks the two of you and immediately points out Jeno at the table. “So who’s the naked guy and why haven’t you introduced me yet?” Practically prying Haechan’s arms from around you, you walk back inside while the two boys follow. “This is Jeno, he’s currently fucking my roommate. Jeno, this is Yangyang and Donghyuck, but his ‘friends’ call him Haechan.”

“Why’d you put friends in quotations?” Haechan pouts, staring at you as if you just broke his heart. “Because you don’t have any hyuck.” You smile, instantly regretting ever letting him in when his pout morphs back into a grin. “But you call me hyuck, baby, so what’s that gotta say about us.”

“I’d call you by your government name if I had you on a kill list too.” Yangyang intervened, making Haechan jump on his back. You walk away from the two that somehow ended up on your couch in the middle of wrestling, completely forgetting about your cereal. Jeno followed behind you, standing against your doorframe as you went through the clothes of your closet. “So I take it you’re heading out?”

“Yeah, I mean if I don’t then they’d end up staying here and distributing the peace so I’ll take the win and get free food.” He only hums, watching as you silently try to decide on two different cardigans. “The one on the left is your color.” You smile, pulling it off the hanger.

“Since when did you get so good at picking out girls' clothes?” Jeno smiles, stepping a little further in your room and taking a look around. “Dunno, I guess when you’ve taken enough of them off girls you kinda get a feel on what looks good or not.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s one way.” He settles on your bed as you look in the back for your most comfortable pair of jeans. “So what’s up with you and Haechan?”

“What do you mean?” Slipping the cardigan over your head, you figured it would cover the white shirt underneath and thank god you were right. “He seems, what’s the word, touchy?” You laugh, a bit too loud if you’re honest. “That’s because he is, he’s always been that way pretty much since we met. It’s kinda weird, but he knows his boundaries even if he likes to push them a little.”

“So he’s your boyfriend?” You shake your head, signaling for him to turn around and which he does. “So you’re fucking him?”

“Ew no, that boy has too many people going on that thing for me, I’ll be surprised if it’s still attached to be honest.” Jeno seemed almost confused, turning back around when he felt you were dressed. He looks you up and down, smiling just a little, but not enough for you to notice. “I’m not fucking Yangyang either, if you’re wondering.”

“Then who is getting into your pants?” Smiling, you pull your hair up and secure it with a clip. “No one, honestly, I don’t really care to have dirty hands down the front of my pants.”

“And if my hands were clean?” You smile at him, turning around once you’ve got your shoes on. “They’re not, you’re fucking my roommate, remember? I’ve seen the guys who come in before and after you’re gone.” Jeno nods, watching as you give yourself one final check in your mirror. “Lock up if you’re gone before I come back please.”

“I was actually gonna just hang around a bit, Jaemin texted me that he has a friend over and I really don’t wanna hear him bust a hole in the wall.” You give him a look through the mirror, making him laugh as he mumbles sorry. “I get it though, feel free to hang and text Jaemin he better not be recording anything weird on my camera.” Jeno gives you a puzzled look, “You know Jaemin? As in Na Jaemin?”

“Jeno, we all went to school together. Of course, I know who Jaemin is.” Slightly embarrassed, Jeno rubs the back of his neck as he averts his eyes down to your bed. “Yeah, right I don’t know how I forgot that, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, plus it’s not like you and I talked a lot so it’s okay.” The look in his eyes was something you weren’t entirely familiar with. Sure, you knew Jeno was just more than someone who’s good in bed, but this was something you had never seen from him and that alone made your stomach flutter. “I hate to break up this moment,” Yangyang moves his hands in a circular motion between you and Jeno, “But y/n, Haechan said and I quote ‘tell my baby momma that if she doesn’t get out here I will mark my territory on her couch and scream her name’ end quote.”

Jeno looked utterly mortified while Yangyang shrugged. You smile, waving goodbye and walking out of your room just in time to see Haechan facing away with his hands pulling at his pants. “Lee Donghyuck, if I see any one of your kids on my couch God so help me, I’m going to bust your balls.” He turns his head, smiling at you from over his shoulder. “Honey, you’re back!”

Once Haechan ensured you that his zipper was up and was staying up, the three of you left the house. The air outside has dropped a little since you woke up, making you feel a little more cold than you’re comfortable with. The three of you walked from your apartment down to the cafe that Yangyang and Haechan mentioned earlier. “So who’s gonna tell him that you’ve got heart eyes?” Yangyang smiled, watching as you squinted at him as if you didn’t know what he was talking about. “Don’t play dumb, baby cakes, we all saw how you were about to jump that man’s bones if we didn’t come in time.” Haechan looked over at you only to receive the finger you wish you could stick up his ass. Scratch that, he’d enjoy that too much.

“No one is telling anyone anything, besides, it’s not like it’ll matter because who wants to date the guy who creams your roommate?” Yangyang nods, opening the door to the cafe for you to enter. If you’re honest, you didn’t even realize you arrived and probably would’ve kept walking on. “Yeah well, it’s not like they’re a thing at least.” Haechan holds the front of the door open, following behind you. “Actually, he has the hots for her in a lovey dovey kinda way.”

“And how are you so sure about that?” Yangyang questions you as he looks over at the menu plastered on the wall. “His best friend spilled it when we made small talk so he can borrow my camera.” Both Haechan and Yangyang gasped dramatically, looking at one another in disbelief. “The film major? I didn’t think he spoke to anyone other than Jeno and his daily booty call.”

“Is that really what shocks you?” Yangyang nodded, waving over a barista to get his order taken. Haechan tells out his order and since you didn’t have a chance to look, you just get whatever he got. “Don’t let it stress you, you’re out of his league anyway.” Haechan gave you a genuine smile and it always reminds you that no matter how insanely unhinged he may be, he always finds a way to make you smile. “Thanks hyuck.” You say, giving him a side hug as the three of you walk over to a table and wait for your order. “So what’s he like in bed, is he a grunter or is he more of a daddy?” You stare at Yangyang with a confused expression, leaning in to take a sip of your drink. “From what I’ve heard, he’s more like a ‘I want to hear you’ kinda guy.”

“Ew, c’mon y/n, you can do better than that.” Yangyang points his pastry at you in disappointment, earning a snicker from the boy beside you. “But can I? I mean no guy goes after me, not that I’m complaining honestly.” Haechan stood up from his seat, the sound of the chair dragging against the floor caught everyone’s attention. Slightly uncomfortable by all the eyes that were now directed at your table, you awkwardly tug on his sleeve. “What are you doing?” Haechan grunts, climbing on top of the table and stares around the room.

After the whole mess that Haechan made in the cafe, the three of you were kicked out and put on ban for the rest of the year. Both Haechan and Yangyang got an earful from you as they walked you back to your apartment, muttering little apologies and full hearted sorrys. By the time they had bid you goodbye, you tiredly unlocked your apartment and threw your bag on the couch upon entering. You were surprised to see your roommate walking in from the hallway, stopping as she saw you. “They’re not with you, are they?” When you shake your head no, she lets out a sigh of relief before continuing her way to the kitchen.

“Jeno told me he met them this morning.” You plop yourself onto the couch, letting out the breath you didn’t know you were holding. “He looked terrified by the experience.”

“Mortified is the word he used, but he wouldn’t be the first.” You laugh, sitting up to see her coming back from the kitchen with two cups. “He’s convinced hyuck and you are a thing.” You shrug, taking the cup from her hand thankfully. “When are y’all gonna make it official, it’s been what, three years?” You fake gag, shaking your head at the idea of you and Haechan dating. “I mean don’t get me wrong, he’s pretty damn good looking, but if he was really serious about me like he said then why is his dick used more than Amazon?” This made your roommate laugh, easing you to join in on the laugh. “Please, we all know that boy would cut it off if you gave him a chance.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think I see him like that.” Your roommate turns on the tv, getting comfortable with your bag when your phone starts vibrating repeatedly. You pull it from your pocket, scrolling down to see the messages you were missing.

bitchless bitches groupchat:

[12:02pm] sunshine 🐻: baby please 😭 don’t leave me hanging

[12:02pm] liu bitch: bro she is mad maD let her breathe 🤨

[12:03pm] sunshine 🐻: but I didn’t get a kiss goodbye 🤕

[12:04pm] liu bitch: bro nobody wants those concrete lips 😵‍💫

[12:04pm] sunshine 🐻: I’ll tell y/n what you did with her hamster freshman year

[12:05pm] liu bitch: ahaha you’re so funny haha look at those plump peaches you got 😍🥰🥹

[12:05pm] sunshine 🐻: BABY COME BACK

[12:05pm] sunshine 🐻: YOU CAN BLAME IT ALL ON HIM

[12:05pm] liu bitch: BITCH YOU WERE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO GRAB UR MEAT?!?!

[12:06pm] sunshine 🐻: I thought y/n was hungry 😞😞

[12:07pm] liu bitch: bro..get some help..more therapy and less weed..🔞

After scrolling through the group chat, you realize an unknown number messaged you an hour ago.

[10:59am] unknown: hey, my roommate gave me your number

[11:00am] unknown: this is Jeno btw Lee Jeno

Your roommate looks over at you, giving you a questioned look at your sudden cheeky smile. “Who’s got you kicking your feet like a playground crush.” You snicker, typing away at your phone to save his contact. “Huh?” Snapping out of your own thoughts, you realize she had leaned over your shoulder to get a better view of your sudden overload of happiness. “Jeno, huh, is there something I need to know.” She smirks at you, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. You groan, getting up from the couch and making your way to your room. The last thing you want is your roommate finding out about your not-so secret crush on her fuck buddy.

As you’re walking into your room, you feel your phone vibrating, lifting it up to see the caller ID. You answer the call, shutting your door behind you and when the call connects you brings the phone to your ear. “Can I help you, mister Lee?” He chuckles, shifting around on the other line while thinking of a logical reason he called. “I just wanted to make sure I got the right number, you left me on read so I thought Jaemin gave me a fake.”

“Since when did Jaemin get my number?”

“He said he has his ways, personally I think he got it from your friends.” You hum, figuring that he probably got access to your friends and they handed your number over for some exchange of other numbers or food. “Well now that you know it’s me, what’s up?” The last part comes out a little high pitched, not sure on what to say that makes this a less awkward conversation. “Nothing much, honestly.” You nod silently, sitting on your bed while looking around your room. The conversation died as quickly as it started up and it was starting to get awkward. “Well it was nice knowing you.” Jeno’s laugh made your heart swell as it rang through the phone, bringing a smile to your lips. “Really, that’s it?” You now join in on the laughter, shrugging to yourself. “I guess, I don’t know, this isn’t really a thing we do.”

“Why don’t we make it a thing we do?” You fall silent, trying to stop yourself from smiling any wider than you already were. “We’ll see when we get there.”

“See you when we get there, y/n.” When the line ended, you threw your phone down and started rubbing your cheeks to soothe the sore muscles from smiling too hard. Weeks passed after that call between you and Jeno, but not much has changed. He would come over on his usual routine to slip between your roommates legs, but now he would text you before to give you a heads up about the noise. It still stung every time he’d text you to slip in your headphones, but at least he would occasionally send you random texts throughout the day which was a plus in your book.

“What are you so smitten about?” Renjun, your classmate who you got partnered up with for a project, sends you a glare for spending so much time on your phone. “The bitches you don’t have.” Renjun, unbothered, rolls his eyes at you before returning his attention back to his laptop. Putting down the device in your hand, you glance down at your textbook that was propped up against the table and in your lap, sticking random colored sticky notes on paragraph’s that you’d need to revisit later. You’re almost halfway done with your project and you’re honestly hoping to finish it soon to regain some of your life (read: sleep) back.

“Are you okay, you look kind of..dead.” You glance up, eyes meeting with Renjun’s as you shake your head slowly. The two of you had been spending day and night working on this since it’ll cost you most of your final grade and the effect of it has really taken a toll on you both. Renjun just happens to be better at hiding it than you are, probably because he deals with worse things than stressing over the essay portion. “Go get some coffee to bring you back a bit.” Your eyes soften, slowly shutting your book with a smile.

“You’re godsend huang.” He snickers, waving you off as you get up from your seat and practically tackle him in his own. “Get off me before I blow the whistle.” He groans, trying to pry your arms from around him. Blowing a kiss, you grab your wallet and scurry away from the table and out of the library. The temperature outside warmed up a little compared to what was predicted, but it still was pretty chilly to be walking a far distance without a jacket. Despite the wind blowing against your exposed arms, you pushed through and made your way to the nearest cafe on campus.

As soon as you push the door open, you’re thankful it’s not crowded and that they had the heat on for all the poor frostbitten souls who made the walk here. You walk up to the counter, ordering two hot chocolates to go before standing off to the side waiting for your order. You get a weird sense that you’re being watched, but the fear of turning around and embarrassing yourself prevents you from looking over your shoulder. Just as you’re about to convince yourself you’re paranoid, you hear a voice from behind you say your name.

“Y/n.” Turning around, you nearly throat punch the last person you expected to creep up on you like he did. Jaemin ducks, smiling at you with an unreadable expression. “Easily scared I see, I thought you would’ve noticed I was looking at you by now.” You take a step back, one hand on your chest to assure your racing heart that violence is not always the answer. “You can’t just come up behind people like that.” Jaemin shrugs, throwing his arm around your shoulder. “Whatcha waiting on?”

“Drinks for me and Renjun.”

“Oh so you’re on a date?” He wiggles his eyebrows at you, making you nearly gag by his suggestive expression. “With Renjun, god no. Don’t get me wrong, he’s attractive, but he’s just a friend.” Jaemin nods, tapping his chin as if he was in deep thought. “So if you’re not seeing anyone, why haven’t you made a move on my muscle pig yet.” Taken aback, you miss the barista calling your name. Jaemin nudges you, bringing you somewhat back to your senses to get your order. You grab both drinks, contemplating throwing one in your face to see if you’re actually dreaming or not.

“Are we gonna stare at the lids or are we gonna go back to lover boy who’s waiting.” You give him a sour look, letting him lead you out the cafe with his arm still around your shoulder. As you two walk back to the library, Jaemin doesn’t let up on his teasing about you and his best friend, to which you ignore. “C’mon y/n, everybody knows it by now, I mean it’s kinda obvious.”

“You’ve literally only seen him around me a handful of times, how are you so sure I have feelings for him?”

“My spidy senses told me.” Shoving him with your arm, you finally manage to create some distance between the two of you as you re-enter the library. When you got back to Renjun, the boy who you were just talking about was sitting beside your empty chair, resting his head against your bag. “Oh thank god, I was about to call campus security if I had to listen to him ask where you were one more time.” Renjun, who looked way too thankful you returned, shut his laptop and reached out for his cup. After handing his over, you sit down beside Jeno who is eyeing you and Jaemin.

“What did I miss?” He asks, gesturing his finger between you and the boy who chose to sit on the other side of you. “Y/n just confessed her undying love for me at the cafe so I walked her back.” Jeno gave you a questioning look to which you shook your head and waved off. Somewhat satisfied, he silently watched you reopen your textbook while sipping slowly on the hot beverage.

You could feel his stare, making you loose focus as you try to go over in your head what exactly you need to remember and how to reword for your professor’s satisfaction. “What are you studying.” Jeno’s voice snaps you back into reality, not realizing how lost you had gotten in your own thoughts. Lifting the side of the book, you show him the cover to which he gives you an empathetic look. “It’s a required class for my major, trust me this was totally against my will.” His eyes crinkle up, forming into little crescents that bright a smile to your face. Unbeknownst to the both of you, Renjun and Jaemin were staring at you two, both utterly disgusted by the sight in front of them. “If it helps, depending on what professor you have, I can help you get some easy extra credit in case you bomb the project.”

“And what makes you think we’re gonna bomb it?” You turn more towards him, pushing your book onto the table. “The nauseating sight I just had to endure might be one reason.” Rolling your eyes, you ignore Renjun’s comment and prop your elbow onto the table. “Dunno, just food for thought.” You give his shoulder a slight shove, earning a laugh from him in return. “How can you even get me extra credit in a class you’re not taking?” Now sitting up, Jeno stretches his arms out which quite literally takes your breath away when you get a glance of his slightly exposed abdomen. “I used to be a TA for a couple of them.”

“Back when he wasn’t such a man whore, he used to actually be a model student.” You whip around in your chair, hitting Jaemin on his arm like a disappointed aunt. “Jaemin, that’s rude to call people whores.”

“But he was, ask the g-“ Jeno cleared his throat, exchanging looks with Jaemin to which you thought was kinda weird—kinda sus. Deciding that you’ve spent too much time wasting away in the library, you grab your things and start to pack them into your bag. “Where do you think you’re going?” Renjun, who was concentrating on whatever that was on his screen, looked up for a brief moment to see you about to leave. “Home, I’m gonna fall apart if I sit here any longer.”

“But you literally just got back from getting drinks.” You sling your bag over your shoulder, gripping it as you pout at Renjun. “But I’m so tired, I’ll work on it tonight I promise, I just can’t sit here any longer.” He sighs, knowing all too well not to argue with you. “Fine, but if you don’t have some work done by tonight, I know where you sleep.” You blow a kiss to him, waving goodbye to Jaemin as well when Jeno gets up and follows along your side.

“Where to?” You look up at him, exiting the library. “You’re coming with me?” He nods, pulling his keys out from the pocket of his jacket. “I don’t have anything else to do, besides it’s not like I’ve never been to your place before.” You nod, trying to push down the unsettling feeling that gave you when thinking about the exact reason he has been over to your place.

By the time the two of you made it back to your apartment, you got a total of eight minutes alone together for you to unload your bag before rapid knocking came from the other side of your door. Jeno, being the gentleman he is, answered the door for you while you laid on your floor in defeat already knowing who it was. “There she is, I told you she wasn’t hiding from me.” Haechan pointed down at you, smiling as he held a bag in his free hand. Yangyang groaned, pulling what seemed to be money from his pocket and slapping into Haechan’s hand. “Why can’t you hideout when Haechan is awake like normal people?” Yangyang maneuvered his way through Haechan and Jeno, who were standing in the space by your door and in the middle of your living room, and plopped down beside you.

“Let’s be honest, he’d still find me.” Yangyang nodded in agreement, propping himself up on his hands as he relaxed back. “Babygirl, why must you do me so wrong.” You threw up the middle finger at Haechan who was now man-spread on your couch. He blew you a kiss, followed with a wink before glancing over at Jeno who was still standing by the door. “What’s he doing here with you, alone at that.” Jeno looked between the three of you before laughing softly to himself and sitting down beside you on the floor. “We just got here actually, so there wasn’t much time for us to get anywhere you might be thinking.” Instantly, you felt your cheeks flood with warmth.

Haechan gasped, sitting up on your couch while staring at you. Yangyang snickered as you covered your face in embarrassment. “I’m sorry, you said what, you said you’re trying to slip your slippery and infested snake into my best friend?” Jeno’s face showed how disgusting he was with the description Haechan gave to his lower extremities, brushing it off when you sat up and caught his attention. “That’s it, out, both of you.” Yangyang looked at you, mouth agape as he scrambled to get off the floor and followed behind you as you went around to retrieve Haechan. “But baby, I was just being honest.” You shook your head at him, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and started to guide( drag) him to your door.

“Why do I have to go when he’s the one who’s making things weird?”

“Because you live with him and are associated by default.” Much to Haechan’s protest, Yangyang pouted, but understood where you were coming from and took his friend and left after you shut the door. Jeno, who was still on the floor, was laughing so hard that his eyes crinkled up into little crescents. Your heart soared at the sight of his face when he laughs and you try to push down that bubbling feeling in your chest and make your way down your hall. “Where are you going?” He called out, getting up from where he was sitting and followed behind you. “I need a nap after that, my battery is now drained.” You entered your room, plopping down on your bed and immediately slipped underneath your blanket.

Jeno stood at the entrance of your room, looking around before settling his eyes on you. “No invitation?” Your half-closed eyes flutter over to him, mirroring his smile. “Didn’t know you needed an invitation to my bed.” After the words left you, you immediately realized how dirty it sounded. Jeno had this knowingly grin on his face as he slipped his hoodie off and tossed it somewhere on the floor before climbing into your bed and getting comfortable in the spot behind you. You mentally fought with yourself to not let the close proximity affect you, but you were loosing your own battle. Thankfully, your back was facing him and that helped you collect your self while your cheeks still felt the heat from your unfiltered comment.

You can’t exactly remember when you fell asleep, but by the time that you woke up, you felt a lot warmer than you did before your eyes closed. Jeno’s arm had found its way around your waist and rested against your stomach which closed in the space between you two. Staring over at your phone which was dinging repeatedly, you contemplated risking waking him up or letting your friends think you’ve fallen off the face of the earth due to your lack of reply. Trying to move discreetly, you lean over and grab your phone from your side table. Jeno started to stir behind you, gripping your waist a little bit which catches you by surprise. Trying to contain your composure, you lean a little further and finally grab the phone from and gasping when it nearly slips out of your grip.

Slipping back into the position you were in when you woke up, you unlock your phone to see a bunch of unread messages from your friends.

bitchless bitches groupchat:

[07:59pm] sunshine 🐻: baby don’t tell me you let that man put his bumpy butt near you..I can do so much better 🤕

[08:00pm] liu bitch: this is exactly why she kicked us out,, get some help bro fr

[08:00pm] sunshine 🐻: y/n loves me for who I am

[08:01pm] sunshine 🐻: right y/n?

[08:02pm] sunshine 🐻: y/n???

[08:06pm] liu bitch: bro what happened to y/n?

[08:07pm] sunshine 🐻: bro what if that bald eagle looking bitch seduced our girl..who else will deal w us 😭💔

[08:07pm] liu bitch: Y/N. DO NOT LEAVE ME ALONE WITH HIM

[08:08pm] sunshine 🐻: YEAH HES CRAZY

[08:11pm] sunshine 🐻: oh you meant me.. 💔

You seriously were reconsidering your friendship with those two after reading over the group chat. Scrolling through other missed notifications, you see your roommate texted you and for some reason you felt sick to your stomach.

[08:05pm] roomie <3: hey I’m omw home

[08:13pm] roomie <3: passed yanghyuck on my way in and they were crying..are they okay?

[08:21pm] roomie <3: checked in on you bc you’re quiet, saw you snuggling up to jeno??

[08:22pm] roomie <3: we def need to talk about this later, I’m heading out for now.

Swallowing thickly, you take a deep breath and let it out slowly while your mind ponders over what the talk with your roommate would be like later. “You’re tense, what’s wrong?” Hearing Jeno’s post-nap voice probably would’ve scared you if it wasn’t for the fear you already felt for facing your roommate later. “Good morning to you too.” He laughs, moving his arm from around you and stretching out as you roll onto your back. “Anything you wanna talk about?” Shaking your head, you rest your phone on your chest and try to calm the thoughts that were buzzing around in your head. Jeno noticed your change in demeanor, opting not to push you any further and instead look out your window and noticing how dark it had gotten.

“How long were we out for?”

“A couple hours, I think.”

Jeno pushes the blanket down as he climbs his way out of your bed, taking a moment to stretch once he was fully standing. Your mind is telling you to see if he’s looking at you, wanting and waiting for him to want you the way he wants her, but your heart has already had enough and doesn’t wanna push things any further than today. “I can’t believe we were out that long.” After fishing his phone out from his pocket, he checks the time and sucks air in through his teeth. “I’m gonna head out, probably won’t sleep tonight.” Your lack of response had him a little worried, looking over at you who was still laid still on your bed.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Deciding to sit up, your phone falls from your chest and lands backside on your bed. Just as you’re about to get out of bed, an incoming call comes through. Jeno looks down at your phone before looking back up at you, almost disappointed to see the caller id. “I’m gonna go.” He mouthed at you as you pick up your phone and answer the call. You give him a nod before he leaves your room and you carry on your call. “Oh hey, didn’t know you were here.” Just as he was leaving, your roommate came in the door. “Yeah, just was hanging with y/n.” She nods, setting down her coat and walks toward him. “Leaving?”

He nods, watching as her hands fiddle with the edge of his shirt. “Bummer, wished you’d stay for some extra company.” He knows all too well what she wants and he almost wants to say no, but isn’t exactly sure why. “Are you inviting me in for another night?” Her hands fall to her side, looking up at him with the most well acted pout. “Unfortunately, no, Yuta is coming over tonight and I just wanted to get you in before he came.” For some reason, he was hurt. Jeno already knew when he first started this with your roommate that it wasn’t a relationship and it didn’t have any rules to who you can and cannot mess around with. That didn’t ever stop the pain that he felt each time she blew him off for another one of her other nightly options.

“I’m just gonna go back to my dorm then, have fun.” Your roommate could tell he didn’t seem too into it, watching him leave before making her way to your room. You were on a FaceTime call with your old neighbor from your hometown. He and you remained pretty close friends throughout the years and every so often call one another to check in when it’s been too long. “I don’t get how you’re still failing to make the bread I taught you years ago, Mark it’s not even that hard to do.” As he defended his lack of baking skills, your roommate knocked on your doorframe to get your attention.

“Hey, I gotta go, but tell your mom to stop letting you bake alone because I’m not going to be responsible for you burning down your house.” After bidding goodbyes, you end the call while she makes her way onto your bed. “Mark still trying to cook?”

“Yeah and from what I’ve heard, it’s not going well.” She nods, leaning against your wall as she watched you fiddle with your phone. “Jeno just left.” Nodding, you set the device down in your lap and look over at her. “He seemed kinda upset, did something happen today?” Shaking your head, you can’t pinpoint the tone in her voice, but she didn’t look very pleased with whatever she was looking for. “Is there anything going on with you and him, you can tell me if there is.”

“Not that I know of, why does it matter though?” She hums, pushing up the polish off her nail with her fingers. “Seems like you two are just close, is all.” Letting out a deep breath, you watch as she flickers her eyes over to you. “We’ve been friends for a while now, I’ve been telling you this for weeks.” Snickering, she gets up from your bed while flicking her fingers to rid the excess chipped paint. “You can have him if you want him that bad y/n, no need to sneak around.” Getting up from your bed, you follow behind her. “I mean, I don’t blame you, he’s quite the treat between she sheets.” Her tone was one you were familiar with, but using it to bring Jeno down lit a flame within you that you didn’t know you had.

“Where’s this coming from exactly?” She dodges the question as the two of you leave the hallway and make your way out to the living room. “Why don’t you tell me, y/n?” With crossed arms, you lean against the wall as she picks up the purse she tossed on the couch you assume when she came in. “All I’m saying is if you came home and saw me tangled up with a guy you’re messing around with, you wouldn’t be too happy either.” Frustration was evident in the way she was huffing as she gathered her things from around the living room. “What the hell is that supposed to mean, last time I checked, you’re too busy chasing after Yuta to even care how he feels.”

“At least I know what I want and I go for it instead of harboring one-sided feelings for someone for years on end while it takes them years to even notice I exist.” Her words cut through you all at once, each anger fueled jab hitting a different part of you that was more sensitive than the last. Pressing your lips together, the stinging sensation in your eyes was starting to become too much to control as you fight away the tears. She can tell how badly it hurt and she almost feels sorry, but she too has her reasons to be upset and her pride protects her from letting herself feel hurt by hurting you. The two of you stood in place, silent filling the air mixed with tension and unsaid apologies.

A knock at the door caught both of your attentions and as much as you hoped she’d say something before she left, you were only left with disappointment as she turned the knob and slung the door open. Yuta stood on the other side, hands in his front pockets as he waited for her to greet him. He’s not much of a talkative person, so you’re not surprised when he steps aside for her to come out before she slams the door behind her shut. Your body starts to feel the weight of the argument and even though you’re not much of a confrontational person, it felt like all that was said needed to be said—maybe even more should’ve been added.

That night, you crawled back into your bed that still smelled like Jeno. His cologne lingering on the side where he slept and his pillow was still somehow warm. Your phone was going off repeatedly, guessing that it’s your friends blowing up the group chat that you’ve neglected since earlier. Wanting to check it and hope Haechan sent some dumb meme to bring a smile to your lips and somehow make you forget how guilty you feel for the situation you found yourself in, you opt out and turned your notifications off.

When the sunlight peaked through your blinds, you had no other choice but to get up. It’s your fault for not closing them last night, but in your defense—the headache from the sequence of events put too much on your mind to remember something as unimportant as closing your blinds. Now that they’re letting in the light that feels like it’s about damn near burning holes through your eyelids, maybe it was important after all. After getting out of bed and going to the bathroom, you realized midway through brushing your teeth that your phone had been oddly silent—that Haechan and Yangyang had been oddly silent.

Maybe it’s the universes way of treating you after being so rude with your waking up. Maybe you’ll finally get a day off from the two hooligans that you call friends. Maybe, just maybe you’ll be able to spend the day alone in your room avoiding everyone else in the world. After finishing up in the bathroom, you make your way down the hallway and into the kitchen. Starting on your breakfast, you see the sink is empty, signs that your roommate never came home. She usually leaves cups in the sink from the night before because she tends to get lazy and wait till the last minute to put things away.

With a heavy sigh, you make a mental note to text her after you’re done eating and grab the bowl in front of you. Plopping down at the table, you’re just about to pick up the spoon when you hear a knocking at your door. Dropping the spoon, you push back the chair and make your way towards the door. Something tells you that it’s probably Haechan and honestly you wouldn’t be surprised if Yangyang tagged along to drag you into whatever they came to mind. Opening the door to reveal a very standoffish Jeno was not what you were expecting—he was the last person you were expecting.

“Jeno? Did you forg-“

“She called it quits.”

The confusion was evident on your face, fueling whatever was stirring inside of him. Once it set in on who he was taking about, your mouth hung open a little as you take it all in. Jeno stepped in, running his fingers through his hair as he huffed through his nose. “Can you believe that? She texted me last night actually saying she didn’t wanna see me anymore and you’ll never guess why.” Turning towards him, you could feel in your chest where this was going and you weren’t quite sure on how well you’d take it. “She texted me that you and I had a thing that she didn’t want to mess up—that you and I—that she and I wouldn’t—no, couldn’t be whatever we were.” Signaling his finger between the two of you, he starts to pace around your living room.

“Jeno, I’m so so—“

“What did you say to her?”

With his hands on his hips, he continues to pace, only slowing down enough to try and calm himself down. You’d never seen him act this way before, his entire behavior from the moment he came to your door was making your head spin. “I didn’t say anything to her, we had an argument because she saw us cuddling in my bed, but that was it. Why do you assume this is my fault?” You were trying to protect yourself from getting anymore blows from his words, but each time he dared to look your way, you could see the rage in his eyes mixed with sadness and layers of emotions you had yet to recognize.

“I knew this was a bad idea, I just knew it.” You probably weren’t meant to hear that, seeing how he mumbled it to himself while stopping in the middle of the space he was taking up throughout his fall apart. “I loved her, despite the times she ditched me for other guys and despite me knowing I’d never be him, I still loved her and I wasn’t ready to let that go yet.” You could feel the emotions in the air choking you up, all the words you wish you’d say to him in this moment being shoved down to prevent his mess becoming even messier. “And you, god fucking hell, you came along and all it took was one nap to fuck that all up?”

Maybe it was the tears falling down his face that convinced your own to follow, maybe it was the pain in your chest that took the blow from his hurtful words—maybe it was a combination of it all along with the unspoken feelings you’ve had for him since forever; whatever it was, it hurt. “Are you even gonna say anything?” His state of mind wasn’t ready for what you were about to say, but you knew if you didn’t do it now then you’d probably never get the chance to do it again. Regardless of how sorry you are and how badly you wish you could go back and tell yourself to keep the distance you maintained with him from the beginning, nothing would change how differently he looks at you now.

“I love you, I’m sorry for the hurt I’ve caused you and I’m sorry I’m saying this just now.” First they were a couple drops at a time, rolling down your cheeks like the softness of a breeze, now cascading down your face as if they were in a race—your tears were the only escape for the emotions you were harboring all this time. Jeno was quiet, body going stiff at your sudden confession. Without a word, he passed you by as he left your apartment.

Many months pass since the day Jeno left your apartment, a concession from you and a rejection from your roommate. In the amount of time that’s gone by, you and your roommate decided to go your separate ways—finding it the best option since the tension between you two had gotten too much to bare. Haechan had found you crying on your kitchen floor hours after you had confessed to Jeno, he immediately called backup—Yangyang—and the two of them kept you company for what felt like weeks. Seeing how they didn’t leave your side for a second, not even to go to the bathroom, it probably was a couple weeks. You moved in with Yangyang and Haechan till you could find your own place and instead of that option coming up first, Yangyang actually moved out instead with his now girlfriend. Seems like he can pull bitches after all.

With you and hyuck now occupying the apartment, not much really changed between you. Actually—that’s a fucking lie. A couple weeks after Yangyang moved out, the two of you started to get oddly closer than you were expecting and Haechan confessed his feelings for you. You weren’t expecting it nor were you sure how to take it—but he was more than understanding and told you not to give up on him while you heal. And you didn’t, you let yourself finally feel free as you moved on from the one guy you liked for so long and in the process, Haechan’s relentless flirting finally won you over and you two went on a couple dates before sealing the relationship.

The four of you—Haechan, Yangyang, Yangyang’s girlfriend Winter and you were all sitting together in the campus cafeteria while the boys worked on a project together. “I’m telling you that it’s wrong and when we get a shit grade you’re gonna be mad.” Haechan was trying to reason with Yangyang, but Yangyang was sure he was right about whatever they were working on. You’re too busy laughing with Winter to pay attention to them until you spot a pair of familiar faces across the room. Jaemin was walking with Jeno, both boys holding different snacks in each hand.

You and Jaemin had seen each other around campus after the fight happened and judging by his sympathetic looks he gave you, he knew what all went down. After you began to heal and ended up with Haechan, he was one of the first people to congratulate you and wish you the best. Since, you two occasionally pass by each other and make room for small talk in between classes. Jeno on the other hand, you hadn’t talked to him sense and even though you still saw him around, he never looked your way—even if he knew you were nearby. Now your eyes are locked with his and there’s a longing look from him that makes you frown a little.

“I think you should go talk to him.” You’re snapped out of your thoughts by Haechan’s voice and the feeling of his warm hand on your thigh. “Get the closure you need baby, I’ll be here when you’re ready.” A smile instantly spreads across your lips and you can’t thank the universe enough for bringing him into your life. Getting up from your seat, you move through the crowd and see Jaemin say something to Jeno before walking off. “Hey.” You practically breathe out the sentence as you approach him. “Hey.”

“How’ve you been?” You can tell this is just an awkward for him as it is for you, but you’re determined to persevere and try and make do with the little small talk you have. “Good, not too bad, you?” Shrugging, you quickly think back to the previous months and try to get an honest answer. “Honestly, I’ve been pretty good myself.” He only nods, fidgeting with the bags in his hands as he avoids your eyes. “I heard about you and Haechan, congratulations by the way.” A small smile spreads across your face, bringing one to his own as well. “Thank you Jeno, that means a lot to me.”

“It’s the least I can do for what I said to you, I’m sorry about that by the way. I never should’ve said that to you or did anything the way I did that day.” You can practically the weight being lifted off his shoulders, his posture becoming more relaxed as he takes in a breath. “Me too, I know I shouldn’t have put myself between the two of you, but I was being selfish in the attention I got from you—even if it was short lived.”

The conversation falls silent between you two and you’re stuck wondering what it would’ve been like if you two carried on—became more, but knowing what you have now, you wouldn’t go back. “I’ll see you around y/n.” Waving him off, you turn around and head back to the table where the rest are sitting. As you sit back in the spot next to Haechan, he instantly wraps his arm around you and pulls you close. With a soft kiss to your forehead, he assures you all will be well. Melting into his embrace, you feel your phone go off and pull it from your pocket. Seeing that Jeno messaged you, you weren’t exactly sure what he would’ve needed seeing how he was just with you seconds ago. Opening up the message, you see a picture of you and him back when you were still young. The two of you were at a field trip that the school had taken you on and you remember specifically scolding him for wearing a long sleeved shirt when it was hot. Even at a young age, he wasn’t the chattiest kid and told you to leave him be and let him enjoy his ice cream.

Needless to say, the ice cream got all over his shirt and underneath the sleeves due to his messiness and from there, your love for him bloomed. Something about young Jeno with a pouty face and ice cream all over him really got your butterflies kicking—not exactly sure why, but seeing how you ended up with Haechan, you don’t question much anymore. Sometimes, you wish you could tell yourself what to expect when things get hard and how to brace yourself for it, but maybe that’s the element of surprise. Maybe we’re not meant to know where this journey will take us and maybe that’s the thrill of it all, going down a pathway and hoping for the best. That’s all you can do, hope for the best each time you pass him and remember the day he got his ice cream all over the sleeves of shirt. . Regardless of how long it’s been and how far your love for him has gone—that moment will always linger in the heart of the girl you were back in middle school.

©︎𝐋𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐍., 2023

[albondiguilla007]

Wanted to share this Golden trio fluff:

Who was Harry Potter anyways? The Chosen One? The Boy-who-lived? The Saviour and Golden Boy of the Wizarding World?

Did the press actually got it right when they wrote pieces about him? Could they know what kind of person he was by amounting together the major events on his life?

Could he?

Did Hermione and Ron knew who his best friend was? During those nights filled with dread when the dead became living and the living bled to death, did they know?

When they took his hand and slept right there besides him, whispering sweet nothings until he fell asleep again—could they describe who he was with the same certainty one would talk about the lush and green hills in Scotland?

Mione watched him with that look of hers; one of unwavering faith. Her eyes softening as she lulled him to sleep.

The moonlight filtered through the tiny gap between the curtains back in his room in Grimmauld Place, illuminating the seven freckles scattered in her nose and cheeks. A hundred years could pass and he’d still be able to trace those freckles to memory, like one traces the starts and constellations in the nightsky. She’d stay there for hours, stroking his hair and drawing silly patterns in his skin. Like a mother would. Soft fingertips and soothing lullabies.

With the tenderness of a mother, the devotion of a lover and the undying loyalty of a friend.

In those moments he could be sure of one thing: Hermione Granger knew exactly who Harry Potter was: His best friend, the person looking back at her with grief and open adoration.

And Ron. Ron held him while Mione grounded him and brought him back to Earth. Soft breath tickling his neck. He was too tall for the bed, so most times his feet stayed dangling from the edge.

Ron was home, Ron was family.

Ron was the first person to ever say I love you, chubby cheeks bouncing as he smiled. Honest in his love like only kids are.

There wasn’t much of that Ron in the 6’2 ft tall man that layed besides him. Except maybe his eyes. They were blue, blueblueblue, round and big and completely sincere. Every emotion Ron felt reflecting back on them.

Violent but oh so soft. Harry had never seen the ocean, but he reckoned that’s how it looked like.

His presence was enough to make the world stop spinning, so he stayed with them: A hand in his arm or a leg tangled between Mione’s.

Always touching.

His silence saying more than a million words could.

I’m not going anywhere Harry. Not today, not tomorrow. Not ever again.

But so they knew? Did they even care?

You’re every Harry love, the ones you like and the ones you don’t

Harry Potter was the guy that passed the Auror official test in record time. The one that spent a year hiding the clues of his slow descent into insanity under red leather robes and tightly wrapped bandages.

Harry Potter was the man who stayed alone in New Year’s Eve changing napies and falling asleep besides his godson as he burnt in fever.

It was the five year old boy that one day came home from school with a carefully written card he’d dedicated to his aunt on Mother’s Day.

It was the boy who loved to fly. That felt more free in the air than any place on Earth. The one that enjoyed the breeze against his hair and the feeling of wood under his fingers.

It was the man that spent half a year in muggle parties with his best friend’s sister fucking his way through London. High with the thrill of anonymity and pissed out of his mind.

The man more scared of his own shadows than he was of any threat out there.

The one that stood in front of Voldemort when he was 17 and killed him like he was born to do so.

Harry Potter was the man scared of dark and cramped spaces. The man that fell apart in his best friends’ arms and sobbed for hours like he couldn’t do with anyone else.

It was the little boy who looked just like his father, that had his mother’s eyes.

It was the man who loved with every fiber of his being, that loved and loved like it was a race. That burned and consumed and desperately wanted to be loved back. It was the man that remembered Molly’s favorite way of taking her tea, that visited Goerge on the weekends at the shop—the one that discussed muggle phones with Arthur. It was the man Andy could always remember his daughter with.

Harry Potter was the boy that walked to his death on a cool May evening because he loved. Because he pictured a future where his friends could laugh and breath freely again, even if he wasn’t a part of it.

And so Hermione stroked his hair, and Ron hid his face in the crook of his neck, and so they’d remind him.

I love all of them Harry, each and one of them

You’ve carried enough burdens mate, leave some of them to us alright? We’ll carry them too

Harry Potter was Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley’s best friend. And sometimes, that was enough.

[thewritingmagician2022]

Midnights - Taylor Swift - Brothers and Dateables

Lucifer: Maroon

The mark they saw on my collarbone

The rust that grew between telephones

The lips I used to call home

So scarlet, it was maroon

This sound is very Lucifer and, despite the navy color the game assigns to him, I will always associate red with Lucifer - especially a deep, dark red. This song is about a relationship ending and it makes me think of MC returning back to the human world and while they keep in touch with everyone at first, the contact between them and Lucifer fades quickly as they both return to v their normal lives. Especially now with the lyric video released and we know it says “it’s a real fucking legacy, to leave”. MC leaving is what really lingers and Lucifer is the one who is stuck with that. 

Mammon: Sweet Nothing

And the voices that implore, "You should be doing more"

To you, I can admit that I’m just too soft for all of it

-

They said the end is comin'

Everyone's up to somethin'

I find myself runnin' home to your sweet nothings

Mammon, my sweet man, who wants everything that the worlds have to offer but he can never find anything better than MC. There is nothing sweeter to him than the praise they give him or their declarations of love. Mammon deals with a lot of criticism and pressure, not just from his brothers but from the Devildom in general. He’s a very high ranking demon and that comes with certain expectations; if he’s being honest, Mammon thinks he may be a little too soft for all of it but the only person he’s willing to be so honest and vulnerable around is MC - the one person who doesn’t expect anything from him but his love. 

Levi:  Glitch

We were supposed to be just friends

- 

I think there’s been a glitch

Five seconds later, I'm fastening myself to you with a stitch

And I'm not even sorry, nights are so starry

This song is so Levi. He goes into this thing with MC thinking he’s just found a new friend and he’s sure this little crush of his will just pass by. The more time he spends with them, the faster he’ll realize that there’s nothing special about them, right? Wrong. The more time they spend together, the more attached Levi grows and the more he wants to see them. Something has shifted in their dynamic and Levi is forced to realize how much he cares about them and in exactly what way. 

Satan: Snow on the Beach

Flying in a dream

Stars by the pocketful

You wanting me tonight, feels impossible

But it's comin' down, no sound, it's all around

Like snow on the beach

Snow on the Beach is very ethereal sounding and I always associate that with Satan. I’m the very beginning of the game Satan is described as looking like a regular Prince Charming and we quickly learn that’s not quite true. Satan is pretty reticent, especially in the beginning, and MC doesn’t seem very interested in him. But, over time, they get closer and closer and MC is shocked to realize that Satan cares about them. Satan is just as surprised that MC feels the same way. Together they navigate a romance that’s very fairytale-esque and unexpected but wonderful. 

Asmo: Question

'Cause I don't remember who I was

Before you painted all my nights

A color I've searched for since

-

Does it feel like everything's just like

Second best after that meteor strike?

I think this is the way everyone would feel after a break up with Asmo. How are you supposed to find another lover, another partner, after they’ve been with the Avatar of Lust? The crown jewel of the three realms? You don’t. Nothing else will ever compare to that kind of love. But what MC doesn’t realize is that Asmo feels the same way. He’s been with so many people he could never try to keep track but he’s never had anyone quite like you again and, as he’s realizing, he can’t find anyone else who colored his world quite like MC did. So they’re both left wondering ‘does the other person feel the same way? Do they regret this like I do?’. 

Belphie: Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve

And if you never saved me from boredom

I could've gone on as I was

But, lord, you made me feel important

And then you tried to erase us

Oh, you're a crisis of my faith

Would've, could've, should've

If I'd only played it safe

I was so tempted to use The Great War instead because things end up okay with Belphie but I just can’t because MC wasn’t imagining wrongdoings that never happened. Belphie literally killed them after spending weeks befriending/seducing them, making them feel so important because of the role they were going to play in freeing him and bringing the family back together even though they knew Belphie was supposedly a risk. Everything was going well and MC was on the “right” path until they met Belphie, the Devil in disguise, and that meeting changed everything.

Beel: Paris

Privacy sign on the door

And on my page and on the whole world

Romance is not dead if you keep it just yours

I think Beel would be very private in a relationship and it’s not because he doesn’t love MC or is ashamed of them but because he’s so fiercely protective. All he wants is to keep MC safe and keep them to himself seems like the best way to do that. And that’s just fine with MC because in a realm where they are constantly being scrutinized it’s so nice to have something that’s just theirs. No one can touch that love with their judgment or opinions or jealousy. It’s a perfect little bubble around them and they wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Diavolo: Lavendar Haze

Talk your talk and go viral

I just need this love spiral

Get it off your chest

Get it off my desk

-

I feel the lavender haze creeping up on me

Surreal

I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say

Diavolo is 100% Taylor in this song. He is always in the spotlight of the Devildom, obviously, and that means everyone there has an opinion on everything he does. That applies to his relationships; in fact, it’s even worse for romantic connections. It drives him crazy sometimes, especially when it affects MC. But MC is always there to comfort him and reminds him that people can say whatever they want - the only thing that matters is how they feel about each other. It because Diavolo’s mantra whenever he gets frustrated and he knows that he can deal with whatever people have to say as long as he has MC. 

Barbatos: Mastermind

What if I told you none of it was accidental?

And the first night that you saw me

Nothing was gonna stop me

I laid the groundwork, and then

Just like clockwork

The dominoes cascaded in a line

The demon who can see through time and all of its possibilities using his powers to gather information on MC? It’s more likely than you think. Barbatos is efficient, thorough, and dedicated. There is no chance that he would stumble along blindly while trying to win MC over. He knows the exact role he needs to play, knows how to interest them and make them like him, make them trust him. To anyone looking at their relationship from the outside, it would seem like a cute little love story where the MC just happens to fall for the butler that’s always there behind the scenes and that’s how Barbatos likes it. Little does he know that MC is not nearly as oblivious as he thinks he is and, luckily, they find it endearing. 

Simeon: Hits Different

Dreams of your hair and your

Stare and sense of belief

In the good in the world, you once

Believed in me

And I felt you and I held you

For a while

Taylor, can you please release this as a single? I am so tired of finding bootleg versions to listen to. Back to the point, I absolutely hate the idea of MC and Simeon being separated but I fully believe that MC would be an absolute wreck without their angel around to love them and encourage them to make good choices. So MC is back home in the human realm and they’re heartbroken and their friends don’t understand the name they’re slurring at the bar and crying over. All MC wants is to be back with Simeon - the one person (angel) who loved them so fully. The one person who always believed in them and encouraged them and made them feel like they could truly be as good as he thinks they are. MC has known heartbreak before but nothing could ever compare to the pain of losing someone so perfect; it just hits different. 

Solomon: Labyrinth

Uh-oh, I'm fallin' in love

Oh no, I'm fallin' in love again

Oh, I'm fallin' in love

I thought the plane was goin' down

How'd you turn it right around?

If you don’t think that this song is Solomon’s, you’re absolutely wrong. We don’t know much about this shady sorcerers past but we do know that he’s been married before and we can assume that he’s been in love multiple times over the thousands of years. Based on his typically guarded or nonchalant behavior, I have to assume that his heart has been broken enough times to make him very wary of love. Then along comes MC and slowly, so slowly he almost doesn’t realize it’s happening, Solomon falls in love. It’s terrifying at first and he’s angry with himself for letting it happen but MC makes him so happy and once they admit their feelings, Solomon can’t help but give into his own and he finds he doesn’t mind quite as much as he thought he did.

[hufflepuffwritingstuff2]

Hi again, my love!

Can I request something with mermaids?

offers ice cream as well <33

Hi thelazywitchphotographer! Of course! Thanks for requesting this, here you go!

Whumper pushed open the door to their quarters. They were greeted by the quiet cries of Whumpee.

“My darling,” Whumper said, approaching them, “what’s wrong? I would think you would be acclimated to your new life by now…”

Whumpee turned to look at Whumper with tear-filled eyes. Whumper’s own eyes widened at what they saw. Their darling mermaid’s body was littered with deep cuts and angry, purple bruises. Blood trickled down from a nasty gash in their tail, staining the water of their tub with crimson. When Whumper spoke, it was with a fragile, practiced calm.

“Who did this to you?” they asked.

Whumpee sniffled.

“I-I don’t know their name,” they said.

“Describe them to me,” Whumper said gently, “you’re not in any trouble, little fish.”

Whumpee took a deep, shuddering breath, and described their assailant as best they could.

“Crewmate,” Whumper cursed.

Whumper’s hand settled on the handle of their cutlass, they turned to leave when Whumpee’s sniffles brought their attention back.

“Oh,” they said, “forgive me, little Whumpee. Let me treat your wounds first.”

Whumper lifted Whumpee out of the tub in a bridal carry. They deposited them on their bed, then went to a nearby cabinet, fetching medicine and bandages from it. Whumper poured the medicine onto a cloth.

“This might sting, but it’ll help, I promise.”

With that, Whumper dabbed the cloth into the gash in Whumpee’s tail. Their screams made Whumper flinch, but they continued to work anyway. When everything was medicated, Whumper dressed the wounds in soft, white bandages. Whumpee’s screams had died down to pitiful, intermittent sobs by then. Whumper held their mermaid close and ran a hand through their hair.

“Shh, shhh,” they soothed, “you did so wonderful, my little fish. I promise, I won’t let this happen again.”

Whumper grabbed a bottle filled with a strange liquid. They lifted Whumpee’s chin and held the bottle to their lips.

“Drink,” they said, “you need rest. This will help.”

Whumpee knew better than to disobey, so they drank. Whumper smiled softly and helped them into a laying position, covering them with a blanket.

…

Whumpee slept for many hours. When they did wake, it was to the sound of the door opening once again.

“Whumpee,” Whumper said, “come on deck. I need you for something.”

Whumper picked Whumpee up and carried them out on deck. Whumpee shielded their eyes from the bright sun with a bandaged hand. Whumper sat Whumpee down in another tub that had been prepared for them.

“First Mate,” Whumper called.

“Aye, captain?” First Mate asked.

“Bring forward the scum that thought they could touch what’s mine.”

“Very good, captain.”

First Mate dragged Crewmate forward.

“On your knees, filth,” First Mate growled.

Crewmate shakily obliged.

“Whumpee,” Whumper said, “is this the person who hurt you?”

“I-”

“Tell the truth,” Whumper warned, “I will know if you lie.”

“…Yes,” Whumpee said quietly, “it was them.”

Whumper kissed Whumpee on the crown of their head.

“Thank you,” they said, “because you were honest, I’m going to let you choose their punishment.”

Whumpee stared at Crewmate. Even though the pirate had hurt them, they didn’t want anyone else to suffer.

“Um, maybe, put them in the brig?” WHumpee asked uncertainly.

Whumper smiled and nodded.

“A fitting punishment,” they said, “First Mate, throw Crewmate in the brig.”

Whumpee breathed a sigh of relief.

“-After their twenty lashes. Two for each wound I had to treat.”

Whumpee blinked. Not that!

“No! Captain, please!” Crewmate begged.

“Spare me your mewling before I decide to cut your tongue out,” Whumper said coldly.

“Whumper-” Whumpee started.

“They deserve it, my darling,” Whumper interjected, “you’ll understand one day.”

Whumper picked up Whumpee once again.

“I leave them in your capable hands, First Mate,” Whumper said, “my treasure doesn’t need to watch this.”

Whumper turned and carried their darling back to their quarters, just when Crewmate began to scream.

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Tags: @mythixmagic @infinityshadows @fishtale88 @thelazywitchphotographer @the-beasts-have-arrived @princessofonwardsworld @surplus-of-sarcasm

[some-pers0n]

Op what’s the ship you’re obsessed with? I’m curious now

These two idiots

Why? Short answer: their personalities reflect each other well and are really fun to watch interact

Long answer? Well... I guess you can read on

Engiemedic is something I still honestly struggle to describe. Funny considering the staggering amount of writing I've done in their name, but I suppose it's only natural to find it hard to define what you love.

I think one of the reasons they click well for me is that they're one in the same in many regards. I wouldn't say that they're "two halves of a whole", as both can exist and do fine without the other, but they flourish when together. They can properly be themselves.

They're two sides of the same coin in terms of presentation. Engie is more reserved and subtle about his nature and tries to keep up a good face. Medic doesn't care. Medic is brash and says exactly what he thinks, while Engie will oftentimes hide his emotions to try and win favour in a scenario. They're also obviously both scientists who study in fields that, while different, are very much similar. Something something...the flesh and the machine are not enemies but rather one in the same.

The enable each other, albeit in small ways at first. Medic influences Engie to get more in touch with his creative (i.e. maniacal mad scientist) side. He encourages him to indulge in every stray thought, whether it may be good or bad. Meanwhile, Engie gets Medic to lean more in-touch with his human side.

I don't think Medic has ever really been with another person, romantically or otherwise. Maybe that's just headcanons conflating with my thoughts (I like writing him as being a romance/sex-repulsed aroace)(cause projection ftw), but I never saw him as the type to get with anyone before Engie. Why would he? None of them understand him. Because he often comes off as rude, cold, and is generally pretty reclusive most people kept their distance. Good! He never cared for them either.

In Engie's case, I think he dated, but they never lasted long. Engie can't really keep up the facade of normalcy for too long. He's had boyfriends and girlfriends before, and while they were sweet, he never clicked with them. There was something fundamentally different about him that made them incompatible, despite being a pretty good boyfriend all things given. He never found a person who got him. Understood him, god complex and all.

It's why I think Medic and Engie work so well. I think them being together, doing experiments and whatnot, is what they love most. It's something they've craved. To be understood. To be seen, heard, and accepted. To be loved for who they are down to their very core.

I also just think they're fun lol. It's fun to watch these two pair up and do experiments. I love seeing them work on weird and wild projects, gossiping and chatting the entire time. I've mentioned before that I think they'd do parallel play sometimes, where they just work on separate projects.

I dunno. They click for me a lot more than, say, Heavymedic or Helmet Party. I think it's mainly due to how well they work with each other. They compliment one another perfectly. They're one in the same in many cases. They see each other as gods. Together, they create miracles. They defy the will of nature and physics. This spark, this feeling of innovation and creation, it is there when they work. When they share ideas. When they hole up in Medic's lab or Engie's shop for days, sustaining themselves on snacks, coffee, and beer, all to create some affront to mankind.

They make me think love is real. I don't know how else to describe it. I think of them and I think that, whatever they have, it is potent and strong. It's why I like the QPR angle a lot as well. It's something different. Something hard to define and unfathomable to a lot of people. Most look at them and see them as one thing or the other, but they themselves know the truth: they're partners, and by god do they love each other.

I dunno. I think every interpretation of them is valid and good, whether they be friends, romantic partners, or in a QPR. I just find myself gravitating towards the QPR one 'cause I think it's fun and, as previously mentioned, projection.

I just think they're great and perfectly flexible. You can make fluff, angst, humour, hurt/comfort, whump, etc and etc out of them so incredibly easily. I just also think they're cute and sweet and them holding hands makes me think that everything is going to be alright with the world.

There's a lot of nuances I could go on and on about, but honestly I think it's better to just glance over my silly goofy fics of them to get a better understanding of my perception of them. Speaking of which, man I need to get back to that...

[doberbutts]

Thank you for talking about the “able to get to the door but unable to stay inside” thing re:stimulation. My issues are less severe than yours were (creates chronic fatigue instead of severe meltdowns) but it’s kinda the first time I’ve heard anyone discuss them as a legitimate disabling barrier. I still have this “if I just try hard enough” mentality that I’m trying to overcome, and it helps to have someone else go “no, this is a real problem.”

Honestly the brain injury really opened my eyes because I do have ADD and had childhood epilepsy (been seizure-free since I was 8 tho) so we were somewhat conscious about sensory stuff but a lot of it was like. Okay every once in a while you will touch something that is Bad Texture and you will scrub your skin raw about it for the next couple of hours. Annoying repeating sounds fade into the background for you but God Forbid anyone talks while you're concentrating because now they've ruined everything. You'd rather starve than put Tastes Bad into your mouth and have gone to bed with hunger pains many times as a result. etc etc etc for me it wasn't so disabling but largely that was due to my mom knowing how to manage my symptoms and teaching me from a very young age how to cope.

And then with the seizures my major warning sign was a colossal headache that refused to go away which was a sign to go lay down somewhere quiet and dark for a few hours until it passed or else a lightning storm would happen in my skull :D

But the brain injury... that really upset everything. Which is commonly reported, when I was finally able to speak I told my neurologist that I felt like a completely different person and not in a good way and he said that most TBI survivors have said this.

Honestly the best way I can describe it is that. Hmm. Imagine... your TV is too loud. When I say too loud I mean like. It hurts to be in the same room as the TV, it's bordering on the edge of so loud that it makes you physically take a step back. When the TBI first happened, that was any and every stimulus to my senses. My clothes touching my skin was Too Loud. Tasting my food was Too Loud. The ambient light coming from my window was Too Loud. And so on and so forth. Because there was an actual damaged piece of my brain, it was really struggling to parse any more information than "oh, no, ow, make that stop".

I wore blacked out glasses inside because I couldn't stand to keep my eyes open otherwise. I would ask my roommates to whisper several rooms down if they were going to talk to each other or on the phone because even just hearing their footsteps was like someone was taking a hammer to my forehead. I was usually naked because the feel of my shirt against my back would set me off. There's a lot I can't remember from that time but I remember being so frustrated as I hid under my covers from the light and the ambient noise of living with a bunch of people and their pets that "trying harder" and "pushing through" honestly just made everything worse.

It's a lot better now. It'll be 5 years in July. But every once in a while something will still set me off and I will be back in that place, frustrated with myself as I feel my brain hurtling towards a Very Loud Meltdown that I cannot get to stop.

I just don't appreciate being told that it's somehow lesser because my legs work. Especially considering TBIs are so common, and they happen so fast. All it takes is one good knock on the head and then you'll be just like me.

[csuitebitches]

Hello~

I hope you're doing well!

May I ask you a few pieces of advice, please? Reading through your blog, I've discovered that you're Asian with Asian ancestry, and after some thoughts I've come to the conclusion you're the best person to ask. I'm Slavic woman (Eastern European) married to an Asian man (Chinese), exactly how you described, in Asia it's more a marriage between two families, meanwhile me and my husband married for love. In fact, his parents "consented" to our union, only because 1) I'm a good-looking woman 2) he was so stubborn in his feelings and argued whenever someone had something bad to say 3) I'm respectful, accommodating, and listen to my husband 4) good at cleaning, it's important to his father since he's traditional.

But sometimes, drama happens, mostly from his mother-in-law (his father's second wife), always manipulating and saying stuff as, it was better if he married a wealthy Chinese woman, someone who's good at running a business etc.

How can I stand up for myself or just manage these kinds of situations? The only solution seems to be to just take the risk, and do business, so they could finally stop finding faults. Furthermore they don't know, but I come from a wealthy family, but got disinherited by my mother for saying no to an arranged marriage.

Thank you in advance for your time, help and insight, I'm really grateful. Have a wonderful day and take care of yourself!

Hi there love. I’m sorry to read this. Asian families can truly be both a boon and a curse.

the reality is that your in laws will have an issue regardless of what you do. You could start a business, they could still have 10 horrible things to say to you. You could choose to look after your husband and your home, and they’ll still say awful things to you.

here’s what you should do in my opinion. And this advice comes straight from my mother.

my mother came from a middle class family. My father is a self made man, who made a fortune. They had an arranged marriage. My grandmother (my father’s mother) was really awful to my mother. She wouldn’t even let her touch the cutlery in the house. She had a problem with everything my mother did - with the way she raised her kids, what her career was, everything. She would bitch about my mother in front of us kids, she would say nasty things to my extended family. She told my maternal grandmother (my mum’s mum) that she was sure that if she was on her deathbed, my mother would never care for her. Maternal grandmother was SHOCKED and snapped and told her that her daughter was raised with better values.

my grandfather on the other hand, loves loves loves my mother, as though she was his own daughter. Praises her everywhere he goes. But that’s beside the point.

here’s what my mother learned.

She cannot control her mother in law. MIL is stubborn, ruthless, cunning. It all boils down to one thing - insecurity. Insecurity of never being good enough, smart enough, never was able to control my father (he left home because issues with her), and my father gave my mother the attention she deserved.

MIL was very possessive of my father. Asian Mums 90% of the time have a weird incest relationship with their sons. They cannot let their sons be happy with anyone. Your husband seems like a great guy, standing up for his wife. The support may not heal your hurt, but I’m sure it does a lot of good by having him on your side.

regardless of what she did, she knew she would be criticised anyway. So she did what she liked. She was a stay at home mom till I went to school, then she got two masters degrees, got herself involved in a business, has her own clients, has her own name. Even when she became successful, MIL still bitched about her. But you know what else happened? People began coming up to my grandparents and telling them what a wonderful person my mother is. MIL obviously couldn’t bear the criticism but FIL loved it and cherished her even more. She won her FIL’s respect. To this day he sings her praises even to me.

some fights are not worth it. MIL would sometimes antagonise her over small things, just to provoke her. My mother would simply stay calm. Eventually even the extended family realised that my mother had gone through a lot.

she remained emotionally detached with MIL, but she took care of her when she had cancer. She looked after her, proving MIL’s words (“she’ll never take care of me on my deathbed) absolutely wrong. And she did that out of kindness. She did that because SHE was a nice person, not because MIL deserved it.

do what your heart wants to do. The more you live life to gain approval from someone else - someone who may never give it to you - your life will be miserable. The only way to fight these horrible MILs is by standing up straight, being decisive, being able to say no and hold your ground. She has to respect you as her DIL, regardless of what you do. You will not earn her respect by trying to be someone you’re not.

If your FIL is more accepting towards than her - Build a relationship with the FIL. Forget about the MIL, she’s going to be jealous and awful, and I highly doubt such women ever change. Half the time, they behave in this way because that’s how THEIR MIL’s treated them. MIL’s MIL treated her awfully as well - the former was scared shitless of the latter. She repeated the same pattern with my mother, but my mum was too strong to let MIL bring her down.

If you want to be on good terms with your in laws, focus on the father. Be the daughter he never had (even if he has daughters). But do it because you WANT to, not because you HAVE to.

Such women are simply insecure. Insecure to a point where they must hurt other women because it genuinely gives them joy. Do not let her words affect you whatsoever. And do not live your life by her terms. Focus on being a good person to yourself and your husband.

[etherealspacejelly]

Neopronouns are not even real pronouns. A pronoun is a noun used to describe a living being. They/Them is fine, they are real pronouns used in the English language. And yes, while I think there is no possible way for someone who has boy or girl genes to actually be non-binary, I will respect them as a person. But, neopronouns, however, are way over the top. I’ve seen people online who identify as like, xe/xem. That’s ridiculous, they’re not even a part of the English language. I’ve seen one person who identified as shark/sharkself. That is so annoying. I’m not gonna call you “shark” bro. Nobody is gonna call you that, except for maybe people as delusional as you. So, I’m conclusion, yes, neopronouns are ridiculous and stupid and unnecessary. Whoever uses them certainly needs mental help, but instead we are celebrating and giving them parades and telling them it’s fine and not stupid at all to identify as a fucking shark.

That being said, if we Normalize these outrageous neopronouns, I don't think I'll be able to handle meeting another three or more person with unique neopronouns, I don’t think I'll care about memorizing them if we don’t get along. I can only imagine that inside their head they are going like “Why can’t everyone understand me? why can’t anyone respect me? why can’t anyone get along with me? me… me…me…”. This is just starting to become a narcissistic play.  It’s just sad that you yourself are intentionally creating a situation that excludes you from other people. You are making yourself too different, you eventually get depressed, commit die and well, will anybody care about you in the end?

Pronouns replace nouns and they are a part of a language. Not something we just make up because we think we are more special than anyone else.

Also, this stuff only appeals to children, or adults with some sort of arrested development. No mature human being would want to go by “cupcakeself”.

We all have names. If you want to rebel against pronouns why can’t you just use your name? Be “Johnself” or “Sallyself” or something people can remember. We aren’t going to trouble ourselves to memorize some made up nounself words.

You’re lucky if we can remember your name let alone some made up ridiculousness.

I hope everyone with neopronouns die.

hey anon. anon. just a question for you. does that Actually Genuinely affect you? like at all? do you know anyone in real life who uses neopronouns? or is it just people online who are literally just minding their business. hmm?

also. all words are made up dingus it came free with your fucking language. we make up words all the time. selfie is in the dictionary now. it wasnt 50 years ago. does that make it not a real word? no. it does not. because language is a tool used by human beings to describe ourselves and the world around us, and to communicate ideas and knowledge. do you think we just. found a dictionary under a rock one day?

if neopronouns bother you that much, just block people who use them. block the neopronoun tag. or perhaps just get off tumblr. touch some grass. focus on a real problem instead of people online using words you dont like. there are people dying right now anon. the planet is on fire. sharkself pronouns arent hurting you.

also. you said that neopronouns only appeal to children, then said that all neopronoun users should die. so... you think children should die? you want children to kill themselves anon? is that what you want? you seem like a lovely person /s

and seeing as you mentioned nonbinary people. you know that there are more sexes than just male and female right? like biologically. they taught you male and female in school to simplify things for your developing brain, like how they tell you that electrons are particles and you cant square root -1. but once you start studying these things at a more in depth level, you realise that they arent that simple at all. biological sex exists on a spectrum. it is a collection of attributes that can behave any number of ways. including hormones, genitalia, chromosomes, secondary sex characteristics, and more.

furthermore, gender and sex are not the same thing. but i cant be bothered to explain that to you because you will refuse to understand it anyway, and ive wasted enough time talking to you as it is.

if you send me anything like this again im just going to delete it, but i wanted to at least try and talk some sense into you first.