#or i get called insane for being creative and making a skirt out of old jeans for funsies or analysing shows and media

[aggressiveguitarnoises]

born to be vulnerable and serious and expressive, forced to be silly

[tommeraas-cc]

A warning about high polycount custom content - for downloaders and creators

I don't claim to be an expert on custom content, but I've been making CC for nearly 4 years now and I think I've learned a thing or two about how to spot custom content that might not be best for your computer/game. I only recently got a computer that can handle some of the CC out there, so I wanted to make a guide on how to spot CC that might not be right for you if you want fast loading times, minimal overheating, or your computer isn't as powerful. This guide will mostly be about clothing, but I'm sure most of these things can be applied to other types of CC.

Disclaimer: Absolutely no hate to anyone who makes CC that is high polycount -- I am guilty of doing this without disclosing it earlier in my CC making journey. We are all learning and improving every day and we all have different preferences for our own CC making which is the fun part of this community :) If you are a CC creator who needs help avoiding high polycount please message me and I would 100% be willing to you help you 

High polycounts 

3D content is made up of vertices that connect to each other to create a 3D model that can be molded into different shapes (the small segments that make up these larger shapes are called polygons). The more little dots you have, the more detailed the item can be. However, there are ways to include detail without using a high number of these vertices and polygons, it just takes time and practice.

Why should I be wary of downloading CC with a high polycount? 

There is a reason that clothing made by EA/Maxis has a limit to the number of polygons they can use in their meshes. If an item of CC has too high of a polycount, it could drastically slow down your game, overheat your computer, cause your game to crash, or even permanently damage the hardware of your computer. Of course, there are different tolerances for high polycounts based on the specs of your computer, so be aware of this before downloading. If your computer cannot run smoothly on the ultra graphics setting without CC installed, you should probably be proactive about the kind of CC you download to avoid these issues. 

However, even those with high end computers can run into issues when trying to play with a lot of this kind of CC, so it is up to the individual player to decide what they want for their game. I permanently damaged my last computer by busting a fan due to graphics rendering in the Sims 4. Please do not make the same (very expensive) mistakes I have.

The case for high polycounts:

There are certain clothing items that would not be possible to model in the sims without a high polycount. The creators who make these very detailed meshes are super talented and have my utmost respect, but my old computer just couldn’t handle them! My rule of thumb for my own personal game is that if I’m going to download something with a crazy high poly count, it better be something special. In my opinion, there’s no reason a simple tank top should be 3x the polycount of an average EA mesh. A handful of high polycount items aren’t going to crash your game (probably-- know your own computer’s limits), but considering most people will download many items from the same creator, the collection of all of those items may cause issues.

CC creators make their meshes for fun and creativity, and many don’t create for the express purpose of having many people use a bunch of their meshes in their games at once. It’s totally fine to make high polycount custom content, but if you’re a CC creator it would be respectful to people who download your items and support you to be warned of these possible issues (especially if they are paying for them!!!). Most CC creators have high-end computers, but downloaders might not, which is something to keep in mind :)

How high is too high?

This is honestly a personal preference. For me, anything with more than double the average polycount is “unacceptable without disclosing” and must include a disclaimer when I post it. For toddler full body outfits, which is what I normally make, I would consider this to be around 10-12K as the max acceptable polycount to post without a disclaimer. This number varies based on the type of CC, with adult polycounts being higher usually (given that items are quite literally larger than toddler items). For adult full-body outfits, I try to stay under 15K, and anything over 20k I would consider needing a disclaimer. But, again, this is up for personal debate, and there are a lot of factors that go into this. I am just basing this information on EA’s limits and my personal experience from playing this game on lower end computers.

How to spot high poly-count CC 

So, you’ve decided that for your personal game, you want to avoid high polycount CC. Unfortunately, many creators do not disclose when their CC has an high polycount, so it’s up to you to figure out which is which.

Before you download the item: for clothing, the easiest way to spot high polycount CC from preview photos is to look for folding in the fabrics. I don't have a high polycount CC of my own that is completed to show you, and I don’t want to put another creators CC here out of respect, so here is an example of an unfinished mesh that can get the point across. 

As you can see, the folds in the sleeves look like they are mostly physically present, and that the folds aren't a result of the texture. This often results in sort of a "bumpy" look to the CC. If you're seeing clothing that has this tell-tale bumpy look with many folds that you can tell are 3-dimensional, you should probably avoid this CC (if you have decided to avoid high polycount CC). A small amount of bumps is normal but as you can tell by this skirt it's a little more extreme. 

Below you can see the low polycount version of this cc item where the folds look much smoother and are not as 3 dimensional. I added details like the folds in the sweater and at the top of the skirt with textures and mapping rather than a high polycounts as you might be able to tell by the fact that there are smooth edges rather than 3D folds. I have a small section of ruffles on the sleeves that have maintained a higher polycount which you can see by the physical ruffles. Details like this are impossible to do with just textures.

There are many CC creators much more talented than I that are very good at using texture images to give off the illusion of detail without high polycounts. Look at the edges of the item where folds appear and if there’s a smooth line there, the creator might be using textures and mapping to give the illusion of folding!

After you download the item: Of course, you can always download Sims4Studio, the program CC creators use to import their meshes into the sims format, to check polycounts. If you open CC in this program and click the meshes tab, the polycount will be displayed here. I only do this for items that I think might be insane polycounts (like 100k+ or something ridiculous for clothing, which is about ten times higher than I would recommend) that might crash my game, otherwise, I usually just go by how the item looks in the previews with the tips I just told you.

There are some CC items that are pretty much guaranteed to have high polycounts. The vast majority of alpha hair will have high polycounts -- this is unavoidable and does not mean the CC is not high quality, it is just a necessity for that kind of CC. Just be aware that having many alpha CC hairs in your game might cause slowdown/overheating. 

I am a CC creator who wants to start making lower polycount stuff that still has detail. How do I get started?

I started figuring out how to do detail via textures and normal mapping about two years ago. The main resource that helped me was this fantastic tutorial by SLYD. The main thing you need for this method is a lowpoly AND highpoly version of your mesh. It takes more time to do this versus making a highpoly mesh but I think the payoff is worth it to make good quality cc that everyone can enjoy :) (Also, another benefit is you won’t have to spend so long waiting for sims4studio to import your mesh) If you would like some tips on how to do this or have questions from that tutorial feel free to message me anytime! I also have a discord server where you can get help with CC making. Again, I am not the best expert around but I might know enough to help you.

Here is another discussion on this topic that I think is a really good read if you are interested :)

TL;DR if you’re a creator who makes high polycount stuff, please put a disclaimer on your downloads. If you’re a downloader, be aware of what your own personal game and computer can handle.

[miusejournal]

LONDON FASHION WEEK (fall 2022)

- MIUSE VIEW COLUMN

Diesel by Glenn Martens

Glenn Martens, the man that can do it all. From his latest collection for Y-project this Paris fashion week to his debut couture collection for Jean Paul Gaultier and now his absolutely stunning fall ready to wear show for Diesel which includes 70 looks total. Glenn Martens has proven you can be a creative director of many fashion houses and execute it beautifully and tastefully. This entire season Martens has been eating up the runways with spectacular looks. It's almost unreal. If there is anything I take from these past seasons, it’s that Glenn Martens is an overachiever and has proven you can in fact be a creative director for other houses and still pull off each show you produce without sacrificing one brena soft the other. Diesel’s latest Fall/ Winter 2022 collection is the comeback of wildly fun and creative. Miu Miu has the micro mini skirts down pace but Diese prefers the extra large belted skirt which is chef's kiss. With the return of the Y2K movement and the actual looks themselves being pop, edgy and youthful, Martens is reclaiming that momentum with Diesel once had which in turn I believe will make the brands revival even more special. The upcycled layered binding and the distressing of deadstick Diesel T-shirt jerseys into the fraying and fragmenting of the ling skirts and oversized jeans and pants was also something more within this collection. I also loved the extraterrestrial aspect of the looks. As each of the models walked down they were covers entirely in body paint that belted seamlessly into the clothes which I thought was absolutely insane but creative. It felt very refreshing to see Martens work and his vision come alive within Diesel. Even down to the set design and having massive inflatable dolls posed in provocative ways. It felt like a call back to the early 2000s and how alternative that era was, even down to the first look of the show which was a tiny denim bra top with distressed faded jeans. Martens can do denim like no other and I especially loved the different experimentations that was done with it and how it is somewhat of a full circle moment as Diesel has always been synonymous with denim. Another thing that I especially loved was the use of the Diesel logo. From the duffle bag and logo embroidered belted skirts and pants, the comeback of Diesel is going to be strong this time around. And I honestly am trying to get my hands on anything Diesel as I know it will be the IT brand this year.

Simone Rocha

Through the lore of the dark loom that always seems to filter through Simone Rocha’s clothes this latest fall 2022 collection is just that. This collection takes inspiration from an old Irish fable called the “Children of Lir”. In this tale the children become swans for nine hundred years, across three different lakes. And when they come back to human form, they pass away. This particular tale is from the pst Christianisation period that mixes elements of magic and messaging of Christian faith bringing freedom from suffering. Ultimately this tale was translated beautifully throughout the collection. From the embroidery of the two paired swans on the semi sheer tabard, the buoyancy of the skirts and the balaclavas embellished in crystals making the models almost lol like birds, this collection was a tale of tales that was cutely odd in a Simone Rocha type of way. I love that as Simone Rocha is telling this old Irish tale she is still sticking to her own tale with her biker jackets, voluminous coats, big skirts, transparent voile lace-trimmed dresses layered over other dresses and the chunky platform shoes that were spotted with many of the looks. This collection was absolutely stunning and something out of the ordinary which I loved. It was satisfyingly strange but astounding.

16 Arlington

16.Arlington I had just discovered the brand just last year and with the news back in November of the passing of one half of 16.arlington, Federica “Kikka” Cavenati, it was very sad to hear the news and I myself thought that the brand would take some time and step back during this fashion season. However, with the gracious and admirable Marco Capaldo, he has proven that he is determined to keep 16.arlignton life alive and well lit. In honor of Federica “Kikka” Cavenati, this fall 2022 collection is the momentum that kept Capaldo determined as he maintained an unbreakable bond with creativity. With 16.arlignton’s brand being known for its exuberance and dance floor ready sequins dresses I was looking forward to see what Capaldo would present for this new collection just after the passing of Cavenati. Capaldo took his morning process and turned it into something so beautiful and magical. With Swarovski crystals appearing on the edges of blazers and floor length gowns, to the subtle shimmering of skirts, the crystals almost acted as tears marked by Capaldo. I also loved how the feathers, which are familiar with the brand, were dampened to mimic the wet look effect which I think was beautifully crafted and showcased Capaldo’s emotions when creating this collection. This collection was very light toned and has hints of 90s minimalism, even down to the makeup which was very light and frost like. This collection as a whole was very beautiful and Capaldo executed it beautifully. It served as a testament to Capaldo and Cavenati’s love for fashion and their special dynamic that will forever live on. This Fall 2022 collection was an absolutely stunning tribute that couldn’t be done any other way.

Nensi Dojaka

Since late 2019 early 2020, up until now I have always been a fan of Nensi Dojaka’s work and what she creates. So when she won the LVMH prize I was not surprised. Her work has always spoken for itself, she is radiant with a hint of subtle eroticism that I think really makes her and her brand more discerning than likely others. She has a way of taking the female body and capturing it in such a beautiful, well crafted way. So when this collection appeared on the runway I was very pleased to see her extend this in such a prolific way. This collection, like her others, is the capturing of a woman's body in many different forms and shapes. From curvy to standard model types, Dojaka once again proved that she is an amazing designer. What I loved the most with this collection was her mix of her lingerie aesthetics with tailored suit pants and jackets, in addition to a combination of knits and cut out bras and array of straps. It is very reminiscent of Dojaka's distinctive look of complex stay of sheer, straps and cut out bras. It was nice to see her conquer anew. There were leather pieces which I absolutely loved. The leather skirt in look six worn by model Mila Van Der Horst, with the side cutouts and straps was absolutely gorgeous and I would love it for myself. In addition, I liked that Dojaka incorporated puffer jackets as it is something material wise that she has never presented so it was nice to see take on padded fabrics, as well as knits. I love knitwear and I especially love it when it’s made by Nensi Dojaka. I think her incorporating these new styles and materials speaks into her longevity as a brand itself. Dojaka is in demand and I think being able to show different facets of your creativity is something that simply makes me believe she will be here for a long time to come.

(Mar. 2, 2022)

[dreaming-of-assclass]

Group 4 Adult hc’s please 😭 they’re all precious! Thank you for loving Group 4

YES OMG! I love this! And you’re so right 😭 They are so precious and I adore them 💜

WAIT. I wasn’t sure if you meant individual hc’s or ones of them all together 😭 If I messed this up, lmk and I’ll do new hc’s!!

Karma Akabane

He’s a distinguished bureaucrat by day, a compete fucking disaster by night

No who am I kidding

He brings chaos no matter what time

Lives to drive his co-workers insane, even if he gets along with them. It’s just a habit of him being around anyone lmao

His apartment is really expensive and nice...except it’s also a fucking mess.

See when he was a kid and lived alone, there was still a maid around. He didn’t live like a slob.

But as an adult with no supervision whatsoever....well, he kinda lets loose. A lot.

Drops his $500 suits right onto his floor, has piles of clothing around, his official government papers are laying everywhere, like Karma, isn’t that illegal??? Lmao

Invites his co-workers out for drinks, or he happily goes along if someone else invites him. Actually makes more of an effort to be social as an adult, surprisingly.

Irritates Terasaka whenever he gets to see him...which is fairly often hehe

Also likes to barge into Group 4’s lives...literally. Like he’ll randomly show up to Nagisa’s classroom, sneak onto Kayano’s film set, invite himself into the nursing home Kanzaki is at and befriend elderly people, etc.

No matter what though, you can’t change Karma lmao. He will go to ridiculous and edgy methods in his job, even snoop on government officials outside of work

You DO NOT want him as an enemy. If any politician crosses him, Terasaka tears up on their behalf. “Just try to survive, man.” “Uh, what?” “You’ll see.”

Competent adult rating: 5/10

Manami Okuda

It’s not surprising of course, but she’s totally dedicated to her work and research. Her loved ones have to remind her to take breaks often.

Her apartment is generally tidy because she’s barely there.

Her work desk space on the other hand...is hella messy lol. She tends to throw papers around in the middle of stuff, and there are a few old food containers or takeout boxes from late night work.

She likes to tie her hair up in a braided bun often, to keep it out of the way. That’s mandatory for lab work anyways.

Dresses in a lot of casual but comfy attire, like blouses, jeans, skirts and boots, etc.

Gets along well with her colleagues, but she still has that habit of being a little reserved. Like she won’t jump right into hanging out with them, only if she’s invited to.

Her communication skills have improved so much omg, let’s all be proud of her <3

She has a pet chameleon!! It’s name is Rutherford, after the chemist lol

Tomohito Sugino

He actually lives by the strictest guidelines out of all of them

Since he’s a professional athlete, he really has to take care of his body and maintain his physique.

So like...a diet focusing on proteins, vitamins, nutrients, lean meats, vegetables, etc. All that good stuff.

And he works out twice a day. Once in the morning, he goes out for a jog as cardio. Then in the evening, he’ll do a more strength-based workout for his core and biceps.

As usual, he is very social and makes friends super easily UwU. When he’s not focusing on work (this is rare) he likes to make plans with people often.

Can’t handle being alone for too long

Gets confused/annoyed by finance matters a lot lmao. Hates filing taxes and doing paperwork, treats it like a chore rather a necessity for adulting

He has a really popular Instagram page actually, given that he’s a well-known baseball player. He posts mostly selfies, pics with friends, workout mirror selfie’s lmao, and of course pics of his dog

She’s a golden Labrador named Kimi, and he adores her so much. She’s a puppy still but she’s very active and loving.

He becomes a really popular meme for his very tired facial expression during a particularly rough game. Sugino takes great pride in this lmao

Credit to @assclass-dump for this amazing idea: Sugino being like Tony Hawke, and literally no one recognizes him outside of his baseball uniform lmaooooo. I love that.

Kaede Kayano

She has her shit together...for the most part

Kayano’s fame as an actress only grows more and more as she gets older. She has a ton of awesome big roles, even internationally.

This is canon: she does her own stunts and she always amazes the entire crew, especially if her co-star is new to meeting her and had no idea.

Kayano tends to not always take care of herself that well though. She exercises and maintains a strong physique daily, but her meals tend to consist of like...a flimsy salad and a pudding cup and that’s it.

Her apartment is pretty taken care of for the most part, especially when she’s filming and only comes back for sleep.

On her off-months though, best believe this girl tries to chill at home for as much as she can lol. She needs that well-deserved rest.

Kayano visits Aguri’s grave once every month. She brings her favorite flowers and gives kind of a life update on everything. She cries every time.

During her lowest moments, she’ll open up the yearbook that Korosensei left for her. She’ll read all his encouraging notes, laugh at the goofy memories they made...

She stays in contact with Kanzaki and Sugino the most. It’s harder with Karma and Okuda who have very demanding jobs too...and Nagisa who is hyper-focused on teaching

Gets involved in a couple dating scandals and such because the media is bored and nosy. But she shuts that shit down so fast and ruthlessly.

Yukiko Kanzaki

Adulting definitely comes the easiest for her, out of all of them

At the residence care facility she works at, she’s known for being the chillest and prettiest nurse

Bonds with most of her patients very easily. She especially has a sweet spot for elderly women, since they remind her of her beloved grandmother

She also had learned to be more open and comfortable with expressing herself. Unlike her junior high self, she isn’t envied or disliked or treated as an idol.

She actively communicates with her co-workers and has become better at making connections.

In true Kanzaki fashion, she absolutely will speak out if an injustice happens near her, and this sadly can be common in elderly care homes.

She doesn’t tolerate mistreatment at all. She voices her concerns and objections in her usual classy way, but if nothing changes, she’ll be persistent and more aggressive.

Kanzaki lives in a fairly modest apartment not too far from work. She walks every morning to get fresh air and enjoy being outside. She also stops by a cafe for breakfast and brings something for a co-worker she’s especially close to.

Even though her family could afford to get something way nicer and more expensive, Kanzaki insisted they don’t. She wants to work hard and achieve things through effort.

Besides she’s always been curious about a more humble lifestyle. She finds that she actually enjoys it immensely.

Nagisa Shiota

Hey hey hey, it’s our favorite new teacher <3

Seriously Nagisa is super dedicated to his job. He spends a good portion of his free time making more plans and ideas for future lessons.

He’s also just...such a spectacular teacher.

No matter how difficult his students may be, he never treats them like they’re problems. He always gives them a lot of kindness and respect, which sadly they don’t get a lot from others.

Disciplines in a really good way, like he’ll correct them but won’t sound condescending. He doesn’t sugarcoat, he’ll be honest but absolutely will give new chances.

Also can be totally fun and goofy if the time calls for it. Doesn’t want his students to ever fear him or feel like he’s unapproachable.

Makes learning to be fun and creative, also connects with each student one-on-one for sure.

He lives in a super tiny apartment. That teacher salary bro 😔

Takes a train everyday for a short commute to get to work.

His apartment also is prone to being littered around with a bunch of teaching stuff until he gets to organizing it.

Is generally very liked by his colleagues! Some of them don’t really agree with his teaching style and think he’s too lenient, Nagisa doesn’t pay them mind.

Can cook really well but is prone to buying convenience store meals often, because of his schedule.

Keeps a photo of 3-E on his nightstand.

[artificialqueens]

Galactica, Chapter 40 (Group Fic) - TheDane/Veronica

A/N: Happy Halloween, and welcome to Chapter 40! Only 82802291 to go! (JK…kind of.) Click here if you’re looking for previous chapters (or here if you’d rather read on AO3). 💫

Last Chapter: Violet and Sutan made things official.

This Chapter: All of New York’s fashion elite shows up to Heidi’s Klum’s annual Halloween party. (Seriously. Everyone is in this chapter.)

***

“Go a little higher-” Katya was cut off as the door to Pearl’s room opened.

“Urgh!” Pearl looked up, a mess of grey spiderweb in her long blonde hair and on her hands where she had raised them to protect her face when she had left her room. “What the fuck!”

“Whoops.” Trixie grinned, the cobweb shooter he had been using to decorate in hand.

“Hi Pearl.” Max smiled, waving his hand from where he was standing next to Katya, holding up the string of lights they were attempting to mount on the wall.

“Sorry!” Katya laughed. “I didn’t know you were in there.”

“How does that make this better?” Pearl groaned, peeling the sticky web off of her hands. “I was just taking a nap.”

“We’re very sorry Pearlie girl.” Trixie smiled, reaching out to gently get the web in her hair.

“What are you even doing?”

“It’s a haunted house!” Katya gestured, Halloween decorations covering almost every visible surface. Katya loved Halloween, being allowed to scare her first graders something she looked forward to every year. Over the weekend, Trixie had been working on his own costume when they had started talking about making a miniature haunted house, and it had quickly snowballed into a giant craft project taking over the entire apartment.

There weren’t a lot of kids around them, but the few that had all figured out that Katya and Trixie gave out full sized candy bars for Halloween. And while Katya loved seeing all the little faces light up in delight as she dumped candy into their buckets, the idea of scaring the bejesus out of them first was extremely exciting.

“You’re not planning to use my bedroom for this extravaganza, are you?” Pearl asked skeptically.

“No, don’t worry! We were thinking that we’d cover your doorway in spiders and spiderwebs and have freaky lights and spooky sounds coming from inside.”

“It felt fitting,” Trixie added with a laugh.

“Do you want to help?” Max smiled. He had originally only come over to borrow a bowler hat for his Charlie Chaplin costume, Katya telling him with a grin that he had to remember to keep the hat on unless he wanted to end up looking like Hitler.

“No thanks.”

“Really?” Trixie looked confused for a moment, picking the last piece of web out of her hair. “But you love Halloween!”

“I have to go meet up with Adore.” Pearl shrugged, reaching behind Max to grab her jacket. “She wanted to look at costumes together so we can coordinate.”

“Awh,” Katya grinned, Pearl shooting her a sharp look. “That’s adorable.”

“Okay mom.” Pearl almost seemed like she was annoyed, but Katya could see in her eyes that she took the tease for what it was.

“I think it’s nice.” Trixie loaded the cobweb shooter. “It’s cute that you like someone.”

“Yeah, well…” Pearl mumbled something unintelligible as she slung a bag over her shoulder.

“What was that?”

“I said she’s the cute one!” Pearl exclaimed, and when all three of them began ‘aww’ing again, she immediately left, giving them exaggerated eye rolls.

“A couple’s costume?” Trixie said, pressing a hand to his heart as he sank down onto the sofa, eyes shining. “You think it’s getting serious?”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. It’s still Pearl,” Katya told him, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

***

“Fame?” Patrick called out, closing the door behind him. He wasn’t sure if his wife was home yet, but the light was on, a Birkin on their entrance table.

“Up here!”

Patrick smiled to himself, Fame’s voice traveling down from upstairs. If he knew her right, she was probably sitting at her desk, going through whatever creative she hadn’t had time to look at at the office.

“I’ll be right down! Our costumes finally came!”

Patrick grinned, the sound of a computer closing and Charles perking up coming from upstairs. In reality, Patrick would have been fine with something from a boutique, or even no costume at all, but Fame had never been able to resist going all out, least of all for Halloween, and he found it charming enough to play along happily. Patrick loved his wife, had since he saw her for the first time, but she was also wonderfully, insanely extra.

Patrick watched as his wife came down the stairs in a flurry of white, a cape draped over her shoulders, her hair still in the delicate updo she had twisted it into that morning, their dog right behind her.

“I’m so glad they arrived in time!” Fame smiled as she opened the hallway closet, pulling out two garment bags.

“Hey boy.” Patrick smiled, scratching Charles' head, the dog nudging against his hand once before walking away when he realized that Patrick didn’t have any treats and that there was no promise of a walk on the horisont.

“You’re going to love them this year.” Fame grinned, unzipping one of the bags.

“Let me guess,” Patrick took a step forward, the dress a stunning golden piece with feathers. “Are you-”

“It’s Cleopatra!” Fame pulled the dress out. “1963.” Fame smiled brightly, the detail of the gown beyond decadent for a Halloween party, even if it was Heidi Klum’s.

“Ah.” Patrick smiled. “Of course, and who will I be then?”

It wasn’t that Patrick didn’t care, but he hadn’t actually been aware that he was going to that specific party until he had checked his shared calendar, Fame more often than not completely in charge of their social life.

It was how Patrick liked it, and since all of their friends would be there, he had found no reason to complain.

“How can you even ask?” Fame chuckled, opening the second bag. “You’ll be my adored consort, Mark Antony.”

“Of course,” Patrick chuckled, pressing a kiss to her temple.

***

“I’m so so sorry-”

“There’s no need to be embarrassed. I’m only your boss when we’re at work, cutie.” Raven grinned as she heard Raja’s silky smooth voice, a clear hint of delight in the deep tone, Sutan chiming in from the front seat.

“Don’t call her that.”

They had just picked up Violet on their way to Heidi Klum’s Halloween party, Raja and herself in the back, while Sutan had taken a seat in the front with their driver, which was why they were even in this situation.

Violet had opened the door to the car, saying hi as she slipped in and placed a quick kiss on the cheek of the tall, mustached, suit-clad person in the middle seat. What Violet hadn’t noticed, until her lips had been pressed against skin, was the fact that it was not actually Sutan, but instead Raja, dressed up as Groucho Max.

“I swear I didn’t mean-” There was a hint of panic in Violet’s voice, the woman dressed up as Audrey Hepburn from Breakfast at Tiffany’s, the jewels on her neck clearly fake,  but Raven guessed that it was only Halloween once a year, and Violet didn’t seem like the diamond type.

“Don’t worry,” Raja grinned, leaning back in her seat. “I rather liked it.”

“Raj-” Sutan turned his head, looking back at them. “Please.”

Raven had to bite her lip not to snicker, her corset digging into her hips. She knew Raja was only doing this to mess with Sutan, and it worked perfectly, the normally so cool, calm and collected man looking genuinely distressed.

“Scared I’ll steal your girlfriend?” Raja wiggled her brows, her fake mustache moving as she put an arm around the back of Violet’s seat, the other woman sitting completely straight, her hands in her lap.

“Hey!” Raven turned her head, a flash of jealousy washing over her, causing Sutan to laugh. “Don’t even think about it.”

“Awh,” Raja smiled, letting go of Violet. It was one of the weirdest things about Raja. Somehow, she seemed to genuinely like whenever Raven acted possessive, and if Raven had decked a girl here and there, or torn out an earring or two, that was no one's business but theirs.

“Princess.” Raja put a hand on her dress, the red sequined fabric probably scratchy to the touch. “You know,” Raja leaned in, “You’re the only one for me.”

“Oh god.” Sutan groaned. “Here we go again.”

The mustache felt weird as Raja kissed her, but Raven still put an arm around her neck, holding her close.

“Please tell me we’re almost there.”

Raven flipped Sutan off, making him laugh, her engagement ring almost getting tangled up in Raja’s wig.

***

“Ugh, I feel like such a basic bitch,” Courtney whined.

“That’s cause you are!” Morgan said, making Tyra laugh.

Courtney whimpered, looking around at the crowd outside Heidi Klum’s party. They were waiting for Adore to let them in, and she was rapidly losing confidence. She’d gone all-out on a Marilyn Monroe costume to fit the party’s “Old Hollywood Glamor” theme, even getting advice from her drag queen brother in Sydney (who did Marilyn regularly as part of his act), and of course, she’d already seen about 4 other girls with the same idea.

“Okay, but come on, you’re definitely gonna be the best Marilyn here,” Tati assured her.

“Easy for you to say,” Courtney said. “You actually had an original idea.”

Tati was dressed as Jeannie from the classic TV show, in a costume that showed off her gorgeous body to perfection. Courtney couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous, wishing that her own costume was more creative. If there was one thing she couldn’t stand, it was being just another generic blonde--especially at a chic event like this. She also probably needed to admit to herself that a big part of her nerves came from being in this kind of crowd again, possibly running into her boss.

“Happy Halloween, bitches!” came Adore’s voice, and they all turned around to see her sauntering down the sidewalk in a tailored pinstripe suit, Pearl on her arm in a pencil skirt and beret.

They were the hottest Bonnie and Clyde that Courtney had ever seen. Ugh, everyone was killing it and it made her feel even less worthy of being at the party in the first place.  

“You guys look amazing!” Tyra exclaimed, and Adore grinned.

“Thanks, we know.” Adore gave them a sassy wink, a hand on Pearl’s lower back guiding her forward to the bouncer, where she waved her invite and then grandly beckoned the whole group inside.

***

“Ivy!” Jinkx’ face lit up with delight. She wasn’t expecting to see her beautiful crush tonight, but it was a wonderful surprise. Her costume was as adorable as she was, a cute and fashionable nod to Judy Garland in The Pirate when she sang “Be a Clown,” something that Jinkx knew very well that not many people would appreciate. “Hi! You look absolutely incredible!”

“Hi Ms. Mon-sorry, Jinkx,” Ivy giggled, tucking a lock of red hair behind her ear. “You don’t look so bad yourself. I guess you’re my daughter tonight, eh?”

Jinkx laughed as Ivy gestured to her Liza costume, shrugging and saying, “I guess so, Mama...wait no, that’s weird. You must be at least 5 years younger than me. Forget I said that. Please.”

“Consider it forgotten,” Ivy grinned again, asking, “So how have you been?”

“I’m good, I’m good. I’m so glad to see you, I didn’t know you’d be here,” Jinkx took Ivy’s offered hug, squeezing her tightly but being sure to release her quickly, lest it get awkward.

“Oh yeah, well, my boyfriend works at Vogue and his boss couldn’t make it, so he gave us the tickets.”

Jinkx felt her world shatter at the words that had just left Ivy’s mouth. Boyfriend? What was going on?

“Boyfriend? You have a boyfriend?”

“Yes, his name is Keith. We’ve been together for years, he’s over there by the bar.” Ivy waved happily to what Jinkx was sure was a lovely man in a coordinating costume.

“Right,” Jinkx nodded, because what else was she supposed to do? She only hoped that her face didn’t show how absolutely crestfallen she was.

“Actually, I was trying to remember that book you recommended because he’s super into local food too, but I couldn’t remember the title.”

“Oh, um…” Jinkx swallowed, suddenly wishing she was anywhere but here. “Animal, Vegetable, Miracle.”

“Right! Thank you. Sorry, I’m such an airhead when I don’t write things down.”

Jinkx could see Keith approaching them now, two glasses of beer in his hands.  

“It was so great to see you, but I really have to run. I was on my way to the bathroom, so-”

“Oh gosh, sorry!” Ivy smiled again, that beautiful smile, and gave her one more quick hug. “Find us later and we can talk some more!”

“Of course, sure! Bye, Ivy!” Jinkx turned towards the restrooms, hoping she could make it into a stall before her stupid tears started to fall.

***

Courtney peeked around a column, the butterflies her stomach going crazy when she spotted Bianca walking away from the bar with a couple of drinks, looking exactly as glamorous as expected in a deep blue silk wrap dress. She bit her lip, trying to gather the nerve to go say hello, when she realized that Bianca wasn’t alone, handing one of the drinks to a tall, absolutely stunning young woman--obviously a model.

To add insult to injury, the girl was also dressed as Marilyn, but her costume was a perfectly tailored version of the low-cut, high-slitted red sequined dress from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. It fit her lithe, willowy frame like a glove, and made Courtney all too aware of how out of place she was, in a cheap polyester version of Marilyn’s infamous white dress, the fake tits and hip pads that her brother had insisted she wear now feeling totally ridiculous and clownish.

As Bianca and her lady friend strolled forward, laughing and chatting, Courtney made sure to stay out of sight behind the column, heart sinking, squeezing her eyes shut, feeling like a creepy little stalker.

“There you are.”

The voice behind her nearly made her jump out of her skin, and she whirled around to face Tyra with a guilty flush rising to her cheeks.

“What are you doing skulking over here all by yourself?” asked Tyra, a hand on her hip, lips pursed in judgment.

“Nothing. Why?”

“I need another drink,” Tyra said. “Come on.”

She grabbed Courtney’s hand and pulled her towards the bar. Courtney followed, sighing, wishing she wasn’t such a chicken-shit baby.

***

“Hey.” Alaska nudged Jinkx with her shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

They were perched on a couple of bar stools, Alaska looking cute as anything in classic Katharine Hepburn menswear, a look of concern on her face. Jinkx shook her head, feeling like an idiot for going so far down the hopeless crush rabbit hole with Ivy without even knowing whether she was single.

“Nothing, I’m just stupid.”

“Well, you’re definitely not that.” Alaska took a sip of her sparkling water.

“You give me too much credit,” Jinkx said with a sigh. “I’m sorry. I’m being so lame. Let’s go dance.”

She began to slide off the stool, but Alaska stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.

“We can dance, but first tell me what’s going on. Please,” Alaska smiled. “Maybe I can help.”

“I don’t deserve a friend like you, Lasky,” Jinkx said, lowering her head pitifully to the table. She had spent so much time going on and on about Ivy for over a month. It was shocking, actually, that Alaska still wanted to spend time with her at all. She must have been insufferable.

“Jinkx.”

Her voice was so soft and warm, it almost made Jinkx feel like crying again. She thought she’d gotten it all out in the bathroom earlier, but apparently not.

“I saw Ivy tonight,” Jinkx admitted, blinking fast to try and get rid of her tears. “Did you know she has a boyfriend? A serious boyfriend? I feel so fucking dumb for never-”

Alaska’s eyes had widened in surprise. This was clearly news to her too, which made Jinkx feel a tiny bit better.

“Jinkx, I’m so-” Alaska took her hand, grasping it tightly. “I’m so sorry. I know I was supposed to ask around about her, and things have been busy and I just-”

“It’s not your fault! Omigod, please don’t apologize.” Jinkx squeezed Alaska’s hand.

“But I promised you, and I never-”

“I’m glad you didn’t!” Jinkx shook her head. “Look, it’s a bummer, I guess, and I’ll probably be a mopey asshole for awhile, but I’m glad I found out before I totally embarrassed myself.”

“Anything I can do?” Alaska asked, eyes still soft and sympathetic.

“You can dance with me,” Jinkx said.

“You got it.”

Jinkx giggled, a mischievous smile spreading across her face as Alaska offered her arm and led her towards the dance floor.

***

“Come on!” Juju pulled on her husband's hand, trying to get him to walk faster through the crowd. It had taken forever to get the twins to bed after they had gone trick or treating, Julia and Owen beyond high on the sugar rush after Detox had allowed them to go ham in their Halloween buckets.

“But I want a drink-” Detox whined, and Juju almost rolled her eyes.

“You promised.” Juju looked over her shoulder, “Remember?”

“Right.” Detox smiled, pulling her in to press a kiss against her cheek.

“Ew!” Juju laughed, pushing him away, not willing to risk his orange makeup rubbing off on her face.

At first, when Detox had presented the ideas for their Halloween costumes, Juju had refused to dye his hair Oompa Loompa green, but once her husband made up his mind, it was nearly impossible to change it.

“Ah! Fame!” Juju waved as she spotted her friend, Fame’s hair covered by a stunning golden headdress.

“Juju!” Fame smiled, holding her arms out. “You made it!”

“Sorry we’re late.” Juju grinned. She had given her oldest a wad of cash before they left, Juju making sure that Kelly put it in her bra as a just in case, before she left for whatever high school students did these days.

As always, Juju’s friends had gathered in a corner, Fame almost allergic to open areas at parties. She spotted someone had to be Raja on the couch, making out with Raven, Detox already off to talk with Patrick.

“Juju!” Sutan smiled brightly, his new girlfriend sitting besides him. Juju had almost not believed it when she had read Raven’s text, her best friend swearing up and down that they were officially official. “It’s so good to see you.”

“Same,” Juju grinned, leaning into his hug Sutan got up to give her. “And who are you supposed to be?” Juju looked up and down, Sutan wearing a gray suit with a gray tie and a white shirt. “You decided to come as yourself? That’s real creative.”

“No!” Sutan huffed, sounding almost offended. “Look!” He reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a pair of sunglasses and putting them on before he threw his arms out. “See!”

“Oh wow.” Juju drawled. “You’re yourself on a sunny day?”

“Please,” Sutan tipped the glasses down, “I’m Cary Grant. From North by Northwest.”

“Sure.” Juju smiled. She still didn’t believe that Sutan was actually dressed up, but it wasn’t his fault that Raja had gotten all the creativity. “Whatever you say, peaches.”

Sutan laughed, taking the sunglasses off again. “At least I’m not dressed as whatever the fuck-” Sutan pointed with the glasses, before putting them back in his pocket. “Your husband is supposed to be.”

“He’s an Oompah Loompah.” It sounded stupid even now, but it was what Juju had promised him when they’d gotten married, support in both good times and bad. “Duh.”

“Cheers bro!” Detox grinned, raising a glass. Juju had no idea where he had gotten it, the brown liquid unmistakably alcohol. That damn liar.

“Listen, does it surprise you that these two have the weirdest costumes?” Bianca slid up next to them, putting her arm around Juju’s shoulders. “It’s very on brand for them,” Bianca smiled, taking a sip of her drink. “Don’t you think?”

“Thanks, Daddy,” Juju chuckled, tugging on the white Peter Pan collar of her Veruca Salt costume and fluffing her pigtails.

“Hey,” Detox appeared at her side, Juju’s annoyance dying down immediately when she saw the glass of ginger ale that Detox was holding for her. “We just like to have fun.”

Juju took the drink, taking a sip of it, nose wrinkling. She was nearly halfway through this latest surprise pregnancy, and she was already sick of it. Her only consolation was the fact that Detox had finally agreed to a vasectomy, so there would be no more precious little accidents in the Sanderson household. Juju absolutely adored her children, but with a full-time job, a precocious teenager and 3 year old twins, she had her hands full and then some.

On the other hand...she was looking forward to that new baby smell. She rubbed her slightly swollen bump thoughtfully, and considered the fact that since this would be her last pregnancy, she may as well enjoy it. Even if a shot of tequila would be amazing on a night like tonight.

“Juju!”

Juju turned her head to see that Raven had finally pulled herself away from her makeout session with Raja, her still red lipstick annoyingly pristine.

“Look at you!” Juju threw out her arms. Raven was dressed like the only Jessica Rabbit, waist cinched tighter than Juju had ever seen, and of course her tits looking beyond amazing.

“Holy shit!” Juju reached out, grabbing the left tit. “How did you do this?”

“Custom made breastplate.” Raven grinned, pushing her red wig over her shoulder. “Doesn’t it look fan-fucking-tastic? I almost want to get a boob job.”

“As long as they look like this!” Juju laughed.

“Did you hear that Raj?” Raven yelled over her shoulder. “Juju thinks I should get a boob job!”

“Not the one against it!” Raja raised her drink, a smile on her face. “Ask the warden.”

Raven turned quickly to Sutan with a pointed look.

“How am I the villain here?” Sutan looked around.

“The people want boobs.” Juju snickered, leaning her face against Raven’s fake breasts. “You should give us the boobs.”

“I’ll make sure to inform the houses that porn star tits are in high fashion style.” Sutan rolled his eyes, but he was still smiling.

***

Kissing Pearl made Adore feel high.

Well, she was high, but kissing Pearl made it even better. Especially tonight, her girlfriend looking all luscious and feminine with her demure little skirt and glossy, cherry-red lips. All Adore wanted was to eat her up. They danced close together, and Adore couldn’t help hold her close, couldn’t stop her hands from roaming all over her.

She knew that people were watching them, could feel their eyes, and it made things even better. She moved her mouth to Pearl’s neck, letting her perfume wash over her as she sucked at her pulse point, hands squeezing her ass roughly.

Why not give ‘em a show?

***

“Raven!” Violet bit back a giggle as she made sure Raven didn’t fall, their fingers tightly clasped together. “Watch out!” They had gone to the bathroom together, Raven whining that she needed someone to help her with her dress. “You’re like a baby giraffe.”

“As if,” Raven snorted, her cheeks pink, a light in her eyes. “I’m a model.”

“Okay.” Violet smiled, shaking her head as they made their way across the floor. Violet was pleasantly tipsy, her body light and tingly with the alcohol in her blood. The party was a lot more fun than she had ever expected it would be, all the different costumes a joy to look at.

Violet was just looking around, taking in a man who had chosen to arrive on stilts for some reason, when she spotted an incredibly familiar face, the green eyes ones she had sat across from for months.

“Courtney!” Violet exclaimed, suddenly realizing that she actually almost missed the blonde.

“Violet! Hi!” Courtney smiled brightly, her entire energy like an overexcited puppy.  Violet felt Raven let go of her hand, the other woman throwing herself at Adore who caught her with a laugh.

“You look-” Violet glanced down at Courtney’s costume. “... Did you get a boob job?”

“What?” Courtney looked down at herself. “No!” Courtney laughed, grabbing her own chest. “No, no these are fake.”

“Huh.” Violet bit her lip, the padded bra looking almost disturbingly real to her tipsy mind. “Good. You’re pretty with your own breasts.”

Courtney grinned, lashes fluttering as she said, “Well, thanks for noticing, Violet.”

Violet smiled back, shaking her head. It was like she had never found Courtney annoying at all, the blonde just a beacon of good vibes. She tried to remember the last time she’d even seen her at work, when something popped into her head.

“Wait. Wait wait wait.” Violet reached out, grabbing Courtney’s wrist. “What happened with that dress?”

Courtney looked puzzled, her head tilted in confusion. “What dress?”

“The dress for Fame?” Violet still remembered vividly how stressed Courtney had looked. “With the golden pockets?”

“Ohh, that.” Courtney waved her hand. “She looked at it for a few seconds and then demanded eight more unrelated things. The usual.”

A giggle bubbled up from Violet’s chest. Now that she wasn’t working in Miss Fame’s office anymore, she was allowed to find Courtney’s irreverence a little bit amusing.

“Courtneyyyyy come get shots with us!”

The most beautiful girl Violet had ever seen in her life suddenly appeared, tugging on Courtney’s arm. Violet’s eyes barely knew where to land, taking in her wide brown eyes and full lips, the pink and gold of her costume making her tan skin glow.

“Violet, have you ever met my friend Tati?” Courtney asked, and Violet blinked, reaching out her hand.

“Wow. You’re…” Violet swallowed. “Beautiful.” She instantly felt her cheeks heat up, a terrible blush no doubt blooming on her cheeks. Violet wanted to throw herself out the window, the whole thing terribly embarrassing, but thankfully, the angel just laughed.

“Hi,” Tati smiled. “You should come get shots with us!”

“Um. I have to…” Violet tried to force her brain, tried to remember how to be a human being. “I have to…” Violet turned around, leaving without another word in a desperate attempt not to make more of a fool of herself.

This.

This was exactly why she didn’t have friends.

[justjessame]

Put Me In Coach 2

“He’s watching you,” Mary whispered, as I looked at her in confusion. “Coach Negan has been eye fucking you ever since he walked into the cafeteria.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re fucking insane.” I let my eyes fall back to the book in my hand. “He’s not looking at me, and if he is, then it’s probably because the random thought of ‘oh shit, have I done inventory lately’ popped into his head.” Eric snickered from beside me. I took a drink from my bottle of water and pretended I was reading. He was staring at me. I could feel it across the crowded room. I just couldn’t acknowledge it. Even though I’m eighteen and technically an adult, he’s still a fucking teacher. And married. A flash of guilt gnawed in my stomach. I couldn’t think of her, his wife.

“If this is insanity, than fuck if I don’t want a dose of what you’re having.” Eric muttered, and then I felt him. Behind me, the musky scent of him, his heat. Fuck.

“Miss Kendall.” That fucking voice of his. It didn’t help that I knew exactly how deep it could get, and just how hot he could sound moaning my name. I licked my lips and felt his hand touch my shoulder.

“Yeah, Coach.” I was happy to hear my voice both steady and not breathless. I looked up at him over my shoulder and smiled. “Is there a problem?”

His eyes were dark. A darkness I was learning very well. “Not a problem, Miss Kendall, a reminder.” I swallowed as he pulled his hand back. “You promised to give me a hand,” I heard Eric snicker again and closed my eyes. “With grading.” I nodded and bit my lip.

“Of course,” I took a deep breath. “I have a free period after lunch.” It was the second semester and I didn’t have his class anymore. The free period was actually an independent study that I was doing, but what’s the point of it if I couldn’t be independent?

Negan smiled down at me. “See you then.” He nodded a parting to my now silent best friends and walked away. I turned back to my book.

“Tell me he’s bent you over his desk and spanked you until you couldn’t sit down comfortably.” Eric practically moaned. “Please throw me that one fucking bone, bitch.”

I shook my head and ignored him. “Come on, Eric,” Mary said, her eye roll evident in her tone. “We’re talking about PERFECT Amara Kendall here. What would Coach Negan have to spank her over?”

“Mary, Mary, Mary,” Eric sounded completely bored with that line. “Remember that Amara fucking Kendall had to retake PE because of her fucking mouth. Wait, has he fucked your mouth?” Damn it. The insatiable curiosity of these two assholes would kill me.

I shook my head and continued to ignore them. “She’s not talking, Eric. Quiet as a fucking tomb.” Mary sounded so put out that I nearly giggled. Nearly. “Unlike us, her BEST FRIENDS, she doesn’t share. Shouldn’t surprise us, I guess, she never shared in kindergarten either.”

That did it. I laughed. “You are such thirsty fucking whores.” I shook my head and sat down my book. “Kindergarten? Really?” I rolled my eyes. “You’re never gonna forgive me for that fucking Barbie doll are you?”

 “It was Ken, bitch, and you wouldn’t share him so I could reenact all my debased ideas.” She was glaring at me and Eric as we laughed. “I had such creativity and it was STARVED because you wouldn’t share.”

 “I saved you from being forced into therapy, you twisted asshole.” I was shaking with laughter. “Seriously, what five year old acts out that kind of shit in kindergarten?”

“A creative one,” Eric snickered. “Creative and had too much access to Skinamax.”

We were all laughing now. Fuck, I loved the two idiots. But I couldn’t share what Negan and I were doing. They knew something happened, but he was STILL a fucking teacher. And I wasn’t going to lose him his job. “You know I want to share, but-” I sighed. “The less you know, the less you could be asked.”

“Do you honestly think that anyone would question us?” Eric scoffed. “You’re an adult, Amara. No one cares.”

“Well, the board might,” Mary shrugged. “What?” Eric had shot her a look. “It’s true. She has a point. He’s a teacher, not HER teacher, but he’s still a teacher.” She took my hand. “Sorry, we’ve been pushing for info, Amara. I think I get it now.” I squeezed her hand. “Doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop giving you shit, but I won’t ask for details.” I rolled my eyes.

“Fine, yeah, me too.” Eric begrudgingly agreed. “But the SECOND we get our fucking diplomas, I want GRAPHIC fucking details. Videos if you have them.”

 I walked to the gym after lunch and grinned as I watched Negan bark out orders to the class. “I’m leaving you all to your own devices, but I swear to Christ if I hear a Lord of the Flies situation going down, I will shut that shit down immediately. Understood?” A round of agreement and he motioned for them to grab the equipment of their choosing.

“Miss Kendall.” He greeted me as I made my way through his students. “Let’s go into my office and we’ll get started with that stack of papers to grade.” The door had barely shut behind him when I turned and met his arms and mouth. Groaning into one another’s searching hands and ravenous mouths, I felt his hands sliding down my back to pull up my skirt over my hips. His fingers met lace and his teeth nipped at my lip. And then the panties met the same fate that each and every pair before them had, luckily I found a place to buy in bulk.

My hands were tugging down the elastic of his shorts, and then as though Eric had wished it, I was bent over the desk. But instead of a spanking, I was getting something better. He slid inside of me fully and then his hand was wrapped around my throat and pulling me back into his chest. Fuck. As we moved together, my head turning to search for his mouth and him anticipating my want and meeting me, I felt that build. The one that had become as natural as breathing to me. The climb toward an orgasm with Negan pounding into me with an expertise that only he had.

Roaring through both of us, I fell forward on the desk with a quiet chuckle as he followed me, his body over top of my own, always so hesitant to pull away. Pull out before he had to, he was completely against that. He wanted to feel me, for as long as we could stay joined, and I loved it. His weight against me, front or back, the feeling of him slowly leaving me. Hell even the mess that he left behind, until both of us could stand and our breaths weren’t pants any longer. Then he’d wipe me clean, kissing my knees or my thigh and smile up at me.

“I’m getting used to this, Amara.” He said, once I was clean and my skirt was down, panties replaced with a spare pair I kept in my bag. “You, this.” He had replaced his own clothes and was sitting in his desk chair. “Fuck if I’m not gonna miss you next year.”

I sighed, and sat on his lap. Letting my head find the crook of his shoulder, I played with the buttons on his polo shirt. “I’m not going far, Negan.” I offered, we’d been having this conversation a lot lately. “Besides,” I swallowed, not wanting to remind him or me of HER. “Maybe it’s for the best.” I offered instead. “I leave, your life gets back to normal.”

He chuckled into my hair. “Normal?” I felt him inhale deeply. “What the fuck is Normal, princess?” I didn’t actually think he was asking me, so I didn’t answer. “Still gonna fucking miss you.”

 I smiled, and tilted my head up so I could look into his face. “I’ll miss you too, Coach.” I winked and he grinned. “Now, are there actual tests to grade, or was this an elaborate farce to get me alone and at your mercy?”

He laughed and opened a drawer filled with paper. “There’s always shit to grade, Amara, you know that.” And then he let me up, and left the office so I could grade his papers while he went back to teaching. I wondered, pulling a red pen out of his drawer, would he really miss me? Or was I just the latest in a long line of students that he’d done this with before?

 “Amara!” I heard a loud male voice yell as I was leaving the school at the end of the day. Looking around I found the source. Joe Malberry. Captain of the wrestling team. I’d gone out on two dates with Joe, he’d asked me to Homecoming and I turned him down. I waited until he caught up with me, wondering what he could possibly want now.

“Hey, Joe.” I smiled up at him. He was broad. In his shoulders and everywhere else. Trust me, I knew. “What’s up?”

He was smiling down at me. His huge body blocked the sun effectively. ‘Hey, Amara, I was wondering, do you have a date yet for the Spring formal?” Ugh, this again. But I stopped myself from a fast no. Why shouldn’t I go to at least a few dances my final year?

“When is it again?” I hadn’t paid any attention to the notices.

“Two weeks from Friday.” He offered, his smile deepening at my interest.

“Sure.” I answered, nodding. “Why not?”

He hugged me and twirled me around making me laugh. “Fucking awesome.” He set me back on my feet and grinned. “Just tell me the color of your dress and I’ll pick out your corsage and make sure we don’t clash.” Shit, he was excited.

“Absolutely, Joe.” I smiled and walked away after promising him to give him details he needed and plans to call him to hash out the plans. I was almost in my car when I felt it. Someone’s eyes on me, and looking up I saw Negan staring a hole into me from outside the gym. Shit.

 Maybe I wasn’t such an adult. If I was, then I probably would have gone over to Negan and discussed what he must have witnessed between Joe and me. I would have just admitted that going to the dance sounded mildly fun. That Joe was a good guy and maybe, if I was feeling particularly brave, I’d admit that Joe and I had, once upon a time, screwed like rabbits.

Or, I could drive the fuck home and pretend he hadn’t seen or had that look on his face. I could force down dinner. I could fake my way through homework. I could take a LONG hot bath and then open up my laptop to look at formal dresses to get an idea of what I wanted to wear. And hairstyles. And shoes. Anything other than looking at my cell phone that had been dinging text message alerts since I drove away.

I knew it was him. It had to be. We’d promised the cell phone was an emergency only thing, but how many times had we broken that rule? And to Negan, this might actually constitute an emergency. Maybe. But I wasn’t nearly ready to look and see what he might be saying or texting. Not yet. I was a coward.

I was printing off a few hairstyle ideas when my phone rang. OK that wasn’t him. He NEVER called. He couldn’t. Not from home. Not where she was.

I tapped the answer button without looking down. “Hello?” I was still clicking through websites and came up short when I heard his voice. Shit.

“Miss Kendall?” Fuck. “I think we’re gonna have to discuss your performance today, privately.”

Fuck, shit, fuck. “Coach, I can explain.” I tried, but he stopped me from continuing.

“Which may have worked if you came to me today, Miss Kendall.” And hadn’t ignored my texts, I heard the unspoken irritation. “I expect you in my office first thing in the morning. Be prepared for-” I waited, swallowing hard. “Just be prepared, Miss Kendall.”

Damn it. He hung up before I could say another word. Which forced me to look at his texts.

Amara, what the fuck?

Young lady, answer me.

Amara, you need to explain what I fucking witnessed earlier.

Damn it, answer me, Amara.

If I don’t get an answer in the next ten fucking minutes, you’re gonna wish you had.

That was the last one. Shit. I should have fucking answered. I should have BRBd him or TTYLd. Something, anything, cause I had a fucking feeling that Eric would be getting a very clear graphic of his fantasy when I couldn’t sit down all day tomorrow.

 I had trouble sleeping. I had trouble waking up. I had a shit ton of trouble getting out of bed and facing the day ahead. I was screwed. And not in any of the most enjoyable ways. I bit my lip and considered how to divert him from the very clear aggravation that he was feeling. First, armor.

I got up, reluctantly, but determined. Pulling a pair of the tightest jeans I owned from a drawer, a pair of boy silky boy short panties, and a strappy sports bra, I had a flash of brilliance. Stepping out of my bedroom, I yelled down the hallway for my dad.

Mom’s head popped out of their bedroom, half her face made up the other still a work in progress. “He’s already left for the day, Mara.” She offered, taking in my unusual outfit. “What did you need?”

 “A sports jersey.” I said, walking toward her. “It’s dress up day at school, you know senior shenanigans.” She was giving me a look of wonder. Shit, why didn’t I play nice at school more with the stupidity. “Doesn’t Dad have a few from when he goes out with the guys?” My dad liked to pretend now and then that he liked silly things like sports.

She nodded, still looking at me like I’d been a victim of a body snatching. “Yeah, come in and go to the far back of his closet.” She sat down at her vanity and glanced at me as I made my way to his closet. “Those jeans, honey, are they-”

“Decent?” I asked, with a snicker. “Sure. If you squint past the painted on fabric and strategic tears.” I was flicking through Dad’s clothes until I spotted it. Baseball jersey for the win. And since it buttoned, I could, once I left the house, unbutton it and show off the very nice and very fetching sports bra I was wearing. “Thanks, Mom.” I offered, dropping a quick kiss on her cheek as I bounced out of her room.

“Amara, do take a change of clothes, just in case.” I rolled my eyes. And my friends wondered why I was the way I was.

“Absolutely, Mom.” I agreed, and went back to my room to finish getting ready.

Hair up in a high ponytail. A pair of blinding white chucks on my feet. Baseball cap I found in the hall closet tucked in my bag. An extra outfit on a hanger, just so my mom wouldn’t lose her shit. And then I was out the door. Early, way earlier than anyone should ever willingly show up at their school, but I was there.

I parked my car and pulled my bag out. Pulling the cap on my head and pulling my ponytail through the hole, I took a deep breath to prepare myself. If nothing else, the fact that I was wearing jeans and a jersey should throw him off his game. And if Negan was off his game, then maybe I could explain myself before I had anything to really worry about. Right? Sure, I promised myself. Negan could be reasonable. He WAS reasonable.

I walked through the empty hallways, the quiet feeling far more surreal and foreboding than any other time before. The silence stretched out before me, my shoes’ soles too soft to even give me the comfort of my own footfalls. I reached the gym before I was ready. Truthfully would I ever be ready to reach him? Nope.

His office door was closed and I almost thought I beat him to the school, but I saw the sliver of light peeking out and nearly groaned. Fuck. I took a moment to give myself a pep talk. Negan was an adult. He just didn’t know how to categorize what he’d seen between me and Joe. Once I explained, leaving out that we’d had sex, he’d be fine. He expected me to do normal senior things. Hadn’t he asked me about Homecoming and Prom? He understood that this was normal. He just didn’t like that I hadn’t told him about it. Calmer, I knocked and heard him tell me to come in.

“Miss Kendall.” He greeted me and my stomach did a flip. Shit he was really truly pissed. “Close the door.” Damn it.

I complied, and when I turned around I felt another flip in my stomach and thanked God I hadn’t had breakfast. Lying in the middle of his desk was the paddle that our principal always referred to as “Spanky” and lovingly reminded us of the day when it was used to hand out the real punishment. Fuck.

“Interesting outfit, Miss Kendall.” Good he’d noticed. “You don’t usually wear jeans. Especially jeans that look like they’ve been painted on.” Fuck. He didn’t sound diverted. He sounded irritated. Shit. “Gonna make the next few minutes take longer than they should, but trust me, they’re gonna happen.” Shit, fuck, shit.

“Negan.” His eyes flashed to mine. OK, nope. “Coach Negan.” I corrected and when he didn’t move I felt comfortable to go on. “Look, I know what you saw yesterday could be interpreted a few ways, but it’s not what you think.” I don’t think, anyway, I added in my head. “Joe was just asking-”

He stood up and I squeaked. Like a mouse. Shit. “What, Miss Kendall, did good ol Joe ask?” Fuck.

I swallowed down another squeak. “He asked me to the spring formal.” I rushed out, he was studying me. “I accepted.” That came out more or less as a breath.

“The spring formal?” Why did he sound so fucking dangerous repeating me? I nodded. “And you said yes?” Another nod. “But you couldn’t take five fucking seconds out of your day to pick up the fucking phone and tell me that?” Shit. Fuck. Shit.

“I just-” What? I tried to ask myself. What didn’t I just? “I didn’t want to-”

Negan had come closer as I was struggling to find words to explain something I didn’t quite understand myself. “You didn’t want to what, Amara?” He was so close I could feel his body heat. “Tell me you were ready to play high school senior? To tell me that you wanted to play in the kiddie pool after telling me that you didn’t want a ‘boy’?” All my words, all coming back to haunt me. Shit.

“It’s not like that, Negan.” I offered, looking up at him. “I just thought, maybe, one fucking dance-”

“You wanted to go to a dance?” He sounded like a broken record, spitting back my words with various levels of disbelief. “With the captain of the wrestling team?” Damn it, I knew he’d get to that part. “Didn’t you turn down good ol Joe at Homecoming?”

“Yes,” I answered, waiting for the next onslaught.

He nodded, and bit his lip. “Why would good ol Joe be willing to risk another possible rejection?” He was studying me again, and I know he saw the faint blush that hit me. “Ah, so good ol Joe was rejected for the dance, but NOT for the DANCE.”

 I fought rolling my eyes. Wasn’t he supposed to be the fucking adult here? “Does that matter?”

“Yes, Miss Kendall, it fucking matters.” His eyes were blazing on mine. “It matters because you’re gonna go to a fucking dance with a guy who WILL expect a repeat of that early performance. It matters because NOW I’m gonna have to fucking go to a fucking high school dance and chaperone it. It matters because I’m gonna fucking brain his stupid ass if he fucking puts his hand lower than your upper back.”

“Negan,” I felt my eyes widening. “You can’t.” He was glaring down at me. “You can’t do any of that. You’ll lose your fucking job.”

“And whose fault is that, princess?” Shit, the heart of the matter. “Take off that ball cap.” I tugged it off and tossed it onto the chair. “Now, unbutton those ridiculous fucking jeans and bend over that desk.” Damn it, fucking Eric’s wet dream for the win. I unsnapped the button and unzipped the zipper.

“Should I-” I started but he shook his head. OK. I leaned over the desktop.

“Face down,” the coolness of the metal touched my cheek. I felt his hands on my waist, and then his fingers on the waistband of my jeans. He began tugging them down, muttering at how tight they were as he worked. “If you fucking thought wearing these fucking pants was going to somehow fucking deter your punishment, sweetheart, I think you’re gonna be fucking upset. Cause it’s increasing the fucking shit, right now.” Fuck. “What the fuck are these?” Oh, the boy shorts. “Princess, where the fuck did you get these fucking things?” His fingers snapped the elastic silk of the panties.

“I don’t know, some store.” I truly had no fucking clue. They were basically toss away period pants if I had to be honest.

“They’re ridiculous too.” He was irritated and only getting more so as he tugged and pulled the jeans down. “These fucking things should be in the goddamn trash. If I didn’t want to murder anyone who might see your naked ass, I’d rip the fuckers off and toss them myself.” Don’t tell him you have a spare set of clothes, don’t tell him, even if that sounded hot as fuck.

I bit my lip when his hands and my jeans and panties met my ankles. The light air against my naked bottom half felt weird, and weirder still when he tossed my dad’s jersey out of his way. “Where the fuck did you get this?” Shit, wasn’t he just fucking curious all over this morning.

“It’s my dad’s.” I answered, and he grunted. “Should I chuck it in the fire, too?”

“Sir.” He corrected. Shit. He was serious.

“Sir?” I asked, hoping that he wasn’t going to go full on Eric’s greatest wet dream ever on me.

“That’s right, Amara. Sir.” I nodded my understanding. “You understand that you asked for this, don’t you, princess?” I nodded again. “Words, Amara.”

“Yes, sir.” I answered, and felt myself get a bit damper. Shit. “I asked for this because I didn’t answer you yesterday, sir.” Fuck if this wasn’t the best fucking bad thing I’d ever done.

“Good girl.” Shit, my stomach clenched at the praise. “Now, since it’s your first infraction, I’m not gonna go too hard on you, but remember this, princess, so you don’t have to experience it again.” Yeah, right.

Spanky the paddle was right beside me, but he didn’t pick it up. Instead, I felt his hand smooth down the skin of my ass and bit my lip. Guess old Spanky was just a fucking prop, I thought, right as Negan brought his hand down full force on my ass. Fuck. I nearly jumped off the desk from the sting. Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Count, princess, you’re getting fifteen.” Fuck was that his favorite fucking number?

“One, sir.” Fuck fuck fuck. And then another smack. And I counted. Each and every fucking one, from one to fifteen. Shit. I could feel the sting and burn. I knew that those fucking jeans were going to constitute as more fucking torture. I was also so wet that all I could possibly wish to take my mind off the literal flames of my burning skin was for Negan to bury himself deep inside of me and take care of my other pain.

“Pull up your pants, Amara.” WHAT? I shot him a look of disbelief over my shoulder. “It’s a punishment, princess.”

No fucking shit. Fuck. I stood carefully and bent over to grab my panties. Shit, this was gonna suck. I took my sweet time tugging the thin silky fabric over my burning ass. OUCH. I let them settle on my no doubt flaming red skin, then reached down for the jeans. This took far more time. More time than it took him to get them down my legs. More time that it took to put them on earlier at my house. I bit my lip and closed my eyes as the denim brushed my ass, even with the slight barrier of those fucking boy short panties. OUCH. Damn it. Once they were up, I buttoned them and zipped up.

When I turned to face Negan, I realized I wasn’t the only one who had enjoyed at least part of my punishment. Without waiting for instruction, I carefully got to my knees. What the hell, why not go full throttle submission? Looking up at him, I tugged his track pants down his hips and careful of his obvious need, I settled them on top of his shoes around his ankles. I watched his face as I rose up higher onto my knees and licked his hard shaft from tip to bottom. Nothing, just watched me. No words, no touch. Just his eyes on me. Well shit. Opening my mouth, I took him inside, using my tongue and then adding my hand for good measure.

Finally after the fourth bob of my head, I felt it. His hips thrusting ever so slightly forward. I worked harder and was rewarded by his hands sliding under my ponytail. And as he finally got into the swing of things, so to speak, his fucking mouth kicked into gear.

“That’s right, princess, take my cock, just fucking like that.” He pushed a bit too far and I gagged, again thankful that I’d had no breakfast. “Take it, sweetheart, take it.” And I swallowed my saliva and him, by fucking accident. Shit. “Oh fuck,” he moaned, and then, like I wasn’t entirely prepared for, he came. Down my fucking throat. That he was down because of a fucking accident.

It was swallow or choke so swallow I did. He started to go limp, but I waited, just as I always did when we finished having sex. And, just like during our normal fuckings, he helped me up and cleaned me up. My face this time. Tugging on my ponytail, he smiled down at me.

“Do you still want to go to the fucking dance?” He asked, but the heat of his anger was almost gone from his voice.

“Yeah, I do.” I answered, leaning against the desk and then hissing at the feeling of burning pain. Shit. “Damn it.” He grinned at me. Oh, sure, you can sit down, fucker.

His fingers brushed my errant bangs away. “Fine.” Was that permission? “I’ll go let Turtle Jones know I’m in for fucking chaperone duty.” Shit was he serious?

“Negan,” I began, but he brushed his lips against mine.

He shook his head when he pulled away. “This is non-negotiable, Amara. You go, I go.” Shit, fuck, shit. “Now get going, class is starting in ten minutes.” Shit. I grabbed my bag and the cap, and as I moved to pass him, he swatted me on my ass. FUCK. “Have a good day, princess.” OUCH.

[lastsonlost]

Or even better get a divorce.

You notice how men are supposed to stay monogamous and faithful?

THE STORY:...

When I told my husband I was interviewing a writer who thinks men should give their wives a ‘cheat pass’ this Christmas, he understandably had some questions. “How would the wife find someone suitable for the occasion?” he wondered. (We were talking in the abstract, of course, and I deemed it safer to treat this as rhetorical.) I assured him that yes, it was all very unfeasible, and concluded he’ll more likely gift me jewellery.

But Wednesday Martin, whose latest book Untrue explores “why nearly everything we believe about women and lust and infidelity” is wrong, is not being flippant. “We now know long-term relationships are harder on female desire than they are on male desire,” she says. “Many experts now believe monogamy is a tighter fit for women than for men. This Christmas give your wife something she really wants. Something truly exciting. A hall pass.”

This, for the uninitiated, is an agreement between partners in a romantic relationship that one or both may sleep with other people. You’d have one if, say, you were into polyamory, which involves having “intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved.” 

Confused yet? Or just wondering how all the logistics would work, never mind how on earth to broach the topic with your significant other? Martin, when we meet at a boutique hotel in South Kensington during her visit to London from the US, has plenty of answers. Starting from the premise that we’re only now beginning to understand women’s sexuality properly, she explains that contrary to popular opinion, women tire of their sexual partners faster than men, and need just as much sexual adventure and novelty as their male counterparts – if not more. To support this theory, she draws on a range of relatively recent scientific and social scientific studies, as well as interviews with experts on female infidelity in a range of fields and plenty of “untrue” women themselves.

“In one study [men’s desire] tapered off slowly over seven years, whereas female desire plunged in the first one to four years,” she says. “We might have said before ‘oh well, that’s because women like sex less than men do, but now the new data are helping us understand it’s not that women like sex less than men do, it’s that men are better at wanting what they already have and women struggle more with the same old familiar partner over and over.”

Martin, whose 2015 book Primates of Park Avenue: A Memoir became a New York Times bestseller, is not alone in her espousal of such ideas. This year has seen, if not an explosion, then at least a creeping insinuation into our culture of the idea that monogamy might not be the only approach to long-term relationships. Two of the most talked about BBC dramas of the autumn, Wanderlust and Killing Eve, had at their heart characters who rejected traditional relationships. In the former, a married couple who try out consensual non-monogamy to reignite their dull sex lives; in the latter, an attractive female assassin whose potent bisexuality and rotating cast of bed partners is almost incidental to the action. And that was just the BBC. Meanwhile we’ve had an MP, Labour’s Jess Phillips, recommending that schoolgirls should be taught about orgasms.

Martin believes the MeToo movement has also been behind the shifting sands. “Female sexuality used to be women being sexy for men,” she says. “That was how it was in Hollywood; that was how it was wherever men had power. It was very heteronormative and male-focused. Now, thanks to MeToo – and activists and journalists – we‘re seeing female sexuality is its own thing, not an extension of male desire.”

MeToo has given women a louder voice in the arena of sexual politics. And since female sexual autonomy is, argues Martin, a feminist issue, closely interlinked with the power and autonomy women have in the workforce and in politics, the significance of this online movement should not be overlooked.

But Martin, a married mother-of-two and stepmother-of-two originally from Michigan, whose background is in anthropology, conceived of the idea for the book before MeToo became a hashtag. She struggled with monogamy herself in her 20s; more recently, she realised there were data indicating that she was not alone.

“What’s so exciting is there’s relatively new science and social science that flies in the face of the holy triumvirate of beliefs about male versus female sexuality: the first being that the male libido is stronger than the female libido; the second being that women are more naturally monogamous; and the third being that women are the enforcers of monogamy and are more cosy and domestic than men,” she says.

“All this exciting research had come out over the last years, picking apart every one of those supposed truths, but a lot of it hasn’t really crossed over. So I saw it as an opportunity to make the science and social science kind of relevant and fun.”

To this end, her chapter “Bonobos in Paradise” begins with a look at the work of primatologists regarding the sexual behaviour of female simians. We learn that “our primate sisters are sexual adventuresses, driven by the thrill of the unknown and unfamiliar. And not a few of them like to get busy with other females.” 

A few pages later, Martin has segued into reportage from the front line of female sexual exploration: women-only sex parties, known as Skirt Club, and attended by women who identify as largely heterosexual, many of whom are married to men.

What she witnessed there didn’t only show female sexual fluidity in action in humans; it also busted another myth, she says – that women cheat for emotional connection.

“These women are going there to have one-off, more or less anonymous encounters with women,” she says. “There could be no more vivid illustration of the data about female sexuality than Skirt Club.”

Attending such an event won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. But, Martin believes, there is a universal lesson to be learnt. “I think people have to get creative if they want to stay with each other in the long term, and admit monogamy is hard,” she says. “I think when we admit that, it will provide such a wonderful relief to a lot of people.”

Admitting it is one thing; deciding what to do about it is quite another. And so we return to her idea of a hall pass. Is she really serious? And how would it even work? 

“Ok,” she laughs. “So here’s the deal: consensual non-monogamy, I don’t think people in the mainstream know enough about it... but that suggestion stems from a YouGov study that shows one in five British adults said they had had an affair

“That’s an awful lot of people struggling with monogamy and believing their only option is to remain monogamous and unfulfilled or have an affair and pray it doesn’t blow up your marriage. What if,” she posits, “we looked at struggling with exclusivity after a number of years as simply the baseline, and gave people a whole range of solutions?”

She acknowledges consensual non-monogamy would not be the way forward for everyone. “[For] some people that would drive them absolutely insane and it would be a terrible idea,” she says. For those people, she suggests alternatives, such as trying to inject the spark back into the sex life you already have. 

“The real gift would be to give your spouse permission to have the conversation,” she says. “Why is it better to get a divorce and move on when you simply decide ‘I don’t fancy him any more’, or the spark is gone... What a trail of destruction you might save yourself from creating if you said instead: is there something we can do here?”

Marriages, by this reasoning, could be saved. And something even bigger could occur: a societal shift in power relations between the sexes.

“If we have a pleasure revolution and start to put female sexual pleasure at the centre of our sexual universe, there’s a case to be made that that could change relationships outside the bedroom as well,” says Martin. “I hope so. We’ll have to see.”

Untrue : why nearly everything we believe about women and lust and infidelity is untrue by Wednesday Martin published by Scribe Publications RRP £14.99. Buy now for £12.99 at books.telegraph.co.uk or call 0844 871 1514

Non paywall source

[gloster]

Favorite Fanfics of 2018

So after seeing so many booktubers and book people make a list of their favorite books of 2018, I figured why not do one for fanfics. After all, they are stories done by insanely-talented, creative people who deserve more love. Why not make a list of the favorites that really blew you away this away-along with hyping the people up who need more love? 

I implore you all to try, especially: @kila09, @scarlet47, @awjiminie, @profoundfelicity, @dreamydrarry, @sebbies, @goldentruth813, @sasuhinas-fan, @l0vegl0wsinthedark, @oh-my-fancan, @eyelashesandentropy. Show some love to your fics, share the recs. 

My favorite fanfics of 2018: 

1). The Changing Lights by @lazywonderlnds (drarry, featuring fem-Draco)

Summary:  Harry returns for an eighth year following the end of the war and soon realizes that although he's put his own animosity towards Malfoy aside, no one else seems to have done the same. When a hex leaves his oldest rival in the body of a female and ridicule doubles, Harry discovers that his hero complex is a difficult thing to fight.

THIS. FUCKING. STORY. OMG. OMG. First off, I have to thank @scarlet47. It is because of her and the insanely amazing fanart she did that I discovered this hidden gem. And I thank her for it since this has to be the best drarry fanfic I’ve read in the longest time.

It has been too damn long since a drarry fanfic had me hooked the way this one did. First chapter in, halfway through, I was hooked. I blew through the chapters, and am anxiously, eagerly waiting for more because it was so good. 

I also love it since I’ve been wanting to read a fem-Draco story. I know some drarry lovers don’t love genderbent drarry but I love it. I’ve read plenty of fem-Harry but sadly hadn’t come across fem-Draco. And the ones I managed to find were just okay.  This one though...set and fucking broke the bar. It makes me CRAVE and want more (feel free to send any recs featuring it). And I loved it so much that I wanna reread but I have to resist since I have a mountain of fanfics to go through. 

2). Oh Darling, Stand by Me by @beatitudinembty (BTS, taekook)

Summary: Kim Taehyung had never coped well when there was an angry alpha around, no matter that he wasn't the object of their fury. Wisely choosing to keep his mouth shut, he had ignored the flaring annoyance building up inside of his chest at being treated like a frail and delicate porcelain doll who did not know any better, once again.

He was not frail.

He was not delicate.

And he was also not anywhere near ignorant.

"And how do you suggest we do that?" Alpha Jeon asked eventually, tiredly taking a seat when he realised that Alpha Kim was not about to open his mouth any time soon.

"How else, Alpha Jeon," Alpha Park said easily, an eerie smile taking over her lips as she regarded both the Kings levelly, "Just like we have sealed our alliances with one another, of course."

If you would have told me that I would fall in love so hard, so quick with a royal-AU, I would either look at you like you are crazy or say...”That would have be one of hell of a story to get me hooked.” Most love royal-AUs, but I typically get too bored with them. Most take forever with the romance, others become too UNNECESSARILY angsty. The political aspect gets so tiring. This one though was the fucking JACK-POT. 

We have a royal-AU with both parties wanting to make the most of the marriage and go from friends to more, which I love and adore so much. Set in an Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamic world done so well. We have feisty, independent Taehyung who may be an Omega but sure as hell doesn’t let people’s narrow mind-sets get him down. We have Jungkook who’s the sweetest in the most softest of ways-and possessive in the most delicious of ways. READ. IT. If you love reading BTS stories, READ IT. If you love royal au with taekook, READ. IT. if you’re in need of a new BTS story, FUCKING. READ. IT. 

3). Love Yourself Series by @profoundfelicity (BTS: namjin, taekook, sope, yoonmin)

Summary: Linear stories revolving around themes of love, self-acceptance, and understanding.

This is a 3-story series following various couples: 

Pretty In Pink follows namjin

My Lovely Lilac follows taekook

Under Pressure follows Yoongi, JHOPE, and Jimin 

This series, this goddamn holy grail of a series-I could not just pick one story of them. Had to say the entire series since it’s THAT GOOD. All stories connect to each other, so even though one story focuses on one couple, the side pairings and characters still play a massive part in them. All stories tackle sexuality, gender norms, trauma, parental abuse and neglect, self-discovery, self-understanding, self-love.  ALL. ARE. FUCKING. AMAZING. ABSOLUTELY, RIDICULOUSLY, UNBELIEVABLY amazing. AND NEEDS TO BE READ BY ALL. 

I feel like this series is painfully underrated, since not too many BTS-fans I talk to know of it. And it’s so good. I honestly learned so much about sexuality, the different branches of it, and the harms of gender norms, rethinking the gender norms through these 3 stories than all the years I’ve been in school. It’s amazing. And is so important during the turmoil we’re currently in. Also the writer is a fucking, perfect, precious cinnamon roll who deserves all the nicer things in life. 

4). It’s The Most Wonderful Time (Of The Year) by @awjiminie (BTS, yoonmin)

Summary: Park Jimin is only three years old when he meets cooler, older, and smarter Min Yoongi for the first time, and is immediately enamoured.

For the first time in his entire life, Jimin feels an emotion he never thought he would feel: infatuation.

Not that he even understands what that feeling means.

All he knows is that there’s a small, pale boy at the front door of his home, right under the hanging mistletoe, firmly gripping his father’s hand and his mother’s skirt as he stares unabashedly into Jimin’s eyes, rendering him absolutely speechless.

Or

childhood best friends yoonmin growing up together and experiencing the complexities of love & relationships, as well as, the harsh realities of growing older over the years, on Christmas day

OH. MY. FRIGGERING. GOD. Warning to all: you will most definitely need a cavity filling from the vast amount of sweetness in this story. It is that fucking cute and so damn good. 

This, to me, is the epitome of sweet holiday goodness every person needs in their lives both during and even after the holiday season. Along with a nice mug of hot chocolate. Or something insanely delicious to go with it. We have yoonmin meeting as kids during the holidays and instantly falling for each other, we have side-taekook that comes along, we have the sweetest, most perfectly-done vmin friendship that just proves they are the definition of platonic soulmates (you will die reading chapter 3).

This story also holds a special place in my heart since I read it during a difficult time and needed some sweetness. Also got to know the author @awjiminie who is the sweetest, purest human being alive and needs love. 

5). Fate Worse than Death by @awjiminie (BTS, taekook)

Summary: For an immortal, five hundred and sixty-six years passed by in the blink of an eye, as time was endless and life was infinite. Yet, for Kim Taehyung, five hundred and sixty-six years of a meaningless existence passed agonisingly slow with each second dragging on to the next as he waited for the day that he would finally see his beloved once more. His beloved who had been ripped from him just as they were on the cusp of freedom. Freedom to finally live and love together without any barriers.

Kim Taehyung lived every day feeling as lonely as he did when he lost him, even when he had his coven to call family, his maker, Min Yoongi, and his lavish lifestyle in one of Seoul's richest districts where he studied at one of the most influential universities.

But nothing was the same. Not without him. Never without him.His lover, his life, and his everything. 

His Jeon Jungkook.

If I could sum up this story in two words, it would be this: HOLY. FUCK. If I could sum up the writer with the plots and twists and fucking cliff-hangers she throws my way, one word in my best Josh Peck’s voice: EVIL. Pure, goddamn evil. And I know for a fact @scarlet47 can agree with me on that one. But it is so damn good. 

Once upon a time, middle school me, along with high school me, was the BIGGEST, die-hard vampire fan. You can thank Twilight for that. And also Vampire Diaries, before season 4 ruined it all. However, like most vampire fantatics, my love for vampires died. Even though I have read the occasional vampire-trope in fanfics with my OTPS, it was just okay. 

This fucking story came out of nowhere and snatched me by my hair and didn’t let me until I got to the recent chapter. It reminded me why I fell in love with vampires in the beginning. Along with that, it also carries so many things I love, so many beloved tropes: reincarnation (which I need more of), enemies-to-lovers, a slow-burn that is so excruciating and so well-done with so many possibilities attached to it, the sweetest taegi platonic relationship that melted my heart. It definitely gave me Buffy the Vampire Slayer vibes, and those good, non-annoying alluring feelings Twilight brought to us when we first read it. 

Basically if you love vampires/in need of a vampire story/love angsty enemies-to-lovers story, you will love this. 

6). EPOCH by Sharleena (BTS, Yoongi, Jimin x Hoseok) 

Summary: “It's kind of fucked up that we feel like this, don't you think?” Yoongi asks.

“Yeah.” Hoseok says, Jimin shrugs.

“Maybe we should take this as a sign.” he says.

“A sign for what?” Yoongi looks at the boy and his thumb is rubbing circles on the soft of Hoseok's stomach.

“That maybe we should stick together.” Jimin whispers.

Yoongi doesn't speak for a long time after that, eyes staring at the ceiling where the red lights keep flickering.

“Yeah.” he finally murmurs, words almost getting lost in the echoes of the music “Yeah, we should.”

Or, they are different, but they were lost and their paths still crossed.

Before the end of 2017, if you had told me that I would be into poly-relationships...there’s a good chance I will give you a look questioning your sanity. I could never get into them. To me, it always felt like one person was being the shared toy between two people. That all changed thanks to several stories, including House of Cards (SO FUCKING GOOD) and Guns, Knives, and Lace that were discovered by chance, were read, and completely changed my mind on them. 

This story made me fall deeper in love with poly-relationships. So well-done, so-addicting, and you can feel the love equally shared between the 3 main characters who are all so different but fit each other so perfectly. 

It’s the kind of story that’s so good, you’re stunned by the number of chapters. 

7). Hear the Harmony Only When It’s Harming Me by @horsegirlharry (drarry, fem-slash)

Summary: Before the war, Draco was so certain of her looks, her breeding, knew exactly how to dress to accentuate her curves without ever looking cheap or tawdry. Now, her body feels strange and extra, like something that she’s forced to carry around with her, a lump of scar tissue that only fires a nerve impulse if it’s brushing knees with Harriet Potter over tea and stolen scones.

---

Or, Harriet and Draco finding themselves (and each other) after the war.

*lets out a low whistle* You know one of those stories you happen to find at random? The story you see on someone’s else’s favorite lists or their collection of favorite stories and become curious? Or, in my case, see a story with an intriguing summary and beautiful edit and you think, I’ll give it a try? And as soon as you finish the last line of the story, you are so grateful to past you for deciding to read it since the story ended up being one of the best perfect stories ever? 

Well this is that story. 

I know a lot of people aren’t the biggest fan of genderbent, especially with drarry. Even I who loves reading about fem-Harry or Fem-Draco get picky since most time you read a story with them, but they don’t feel like them. That wasn’t the case here. Despite the obvious genital changes and names, they felt like drarry. Personalities were right on point, their relationship development was perfect. It was seriously amazing. 

I suggest you give it a try. 

8). Pas De Deux by @julietsemophase

Summary: Harry has a show to put on and the last thing he needs is prima ballerina Draco Malfoy messing things up. But when Draco is injured, the two end up spending more time together and Harry wonders if maybe there's something between them after all?

Muggle AU. Smut.

Really, do I need to say anymore? Given how popular this drarry fanfic writer is? Given how insanely sweet and brilliant her drarry stories are? Do I need to say anymore more? 

I will say this: Ballet-Draco + Stage-hands Harry= one very, very, very happy reader. 

9). Say the Words (Say Them Out Loud) by @goldentruth813 (drarry)

Summary:  When Draco gets assigned as the Auror to guard Harry Potter day and night, he is sure nothing good will come of it. But as the days go on Draco is forced to evaluate himself and things he thought to be true about Potter and relationships. Sometimes it's not love at first sight. Sometimes, first, it's miscommunication and misunderstanding. A story in which Harry and Draco learn to accept the things they want from themselves and from each other.

Again, we see the name. We know the name. We love the name. We love the stories. Do I need to say anything more? Maybe not, since again, we all know and love this person and her amazing stories, but I will make this. 

One of the major things I loved about this story is the fact consent was a big part of the story, of the relationship. Safe to say, we learned, given the BS in the news, that sadly not too many people know the meaning of the word. Don’t seem to grasp the meaning. And this story definitely enforces it and I love it. 

Also LOVE how she did this story. How she wrote their relationship, which was snarky and witty but not tiresome or too annoying. Also, slight spoiler, but the career Janel had Harry be made me so happy. 

This whole story had me so happy, and I loved it so much. 

10). This Isn’t A Dream (Let Me Love You) by...surprise, surprise (NOT) @awjiminie (BTS, yoonmin)

Summary: As captain of his high school’s basketball team, Min Yoongi dedicated all of his attention to his team and their games. His focus on the game never waned, not once for anything or anyone.

Well, until head cheerleader Park Jimin flashed his abs during a solo cheer and made him fuck up his shot.

As we can tell, I clearly gained a new favorite fanfic writer. Seems fitting since I did join a new fandom, aka the phenomena that is BTS. 

What on earth can I say about this story? I feel like it’s one of those that you have to read for yourself to understand why it’s so good. Let’s face it, whenever we try to describe something and hype it up, it’s usually a fail and can never match the goodness of the story. But I will attempt. 

First off, if the summary doesn’t make you the least bit curious, I don’t know what will. Does it sound like a typical high-school AU? Yes, I mean we have basketball player Yoongi and cheerleader Jimin. It is a typical AU? Nope, definitely not. There is so much humor, so much angst, so much slow-burn that drives you nuts and makes you wanna kill the author for the way she ends her chapters but at the same time makes you 10x more thristy for the next chapter.

Also for reasons I cannot explain, but because an inside joke between me and @awjiminie, this story seriously unleashed the High School Musical fangirl in me. I don't know why. It's hardly anything like HSM but every time I read it, the songs play in my head. Especially Troyella.

This is definitely a story I cannot recommend enough. Cannot gush enough over. Please please read

And thus concludes my top 10 favorite fanfics of the year. To the writers who created them, thank you so much for your wonderful stories. I honestly you guys share the fanfics you absolutely loved this year. Doesn’t have to be 10. It can be more than 10. Less than 10. Whatever and how many you love

[sprnklersplashes]

burning the memories

AO3

On a trip to visit her grandparents and Aunt Veronica in Ohio, Janis comes across her Aunt's high school memories and learns more about her than she thought she could. Veronica's past comes back to haunt her and she realises she can't outrun it unless she lets it go.

Words: 7k

(Set in a universe where Veronica is Janis’ aunt)

Janis is convinced her Aunt Veronica is the coolest person on the planet. From living on her own with her two cats in her New York apartment to being a kick ass social worker to somehow always knowing exactly what Janis wants every birthday and Christmas, there is no one like her. Her style still seems stuck in the 1980s; she’s almost always wearing a blue blazer and a skirt but she makes it work. She still turns heads and despite a few flings with men and women here and there, she doesn’t seem to want to commit to anyone. She just flies above it all, not caring about what anyone else has to say, stating simply that she ran out of fucks to give in 1989.

So of course, when her mom proposes that they go to his childhood home in Ohio during the summer to meet up with her and her grandparents, Janis has her suitcase half-packed. Aunt Veronica is the one thing that can make these reunion trips worth it. It’s worth the four hour drive in her dad’s car and people asking if she has a boyfriend yet and having that awkward conversation (how many times can people “forget” that she’s a lesbian?), casting eyes at the tips of her hair and her clothes and fake nails and heavy make-up, the rolling eyes and fake smiles when Janis tells them about her plans to study art. She has to fight the urge to flip them off until she can get home and vent everything to Veronica in private over coffee.

They get into her grandparents’ place first, with her grandma remarking how much she’s grown and asking about school and giving her cookies and her grandpa handing her a ten dollar bill and asking if she’s keeping her hair like that and mentioning how her outfit (graphic tee shirt, ripped black shorts, fishnet tights and an oversized blue shirt) is very creative.

“Creative is one word for it,” a voice says from behind the stairs. She turns and sees a thin, dark haired woman in a blue blazer and grey skinny jeans leaning on the banister, smirking.

“Aunt Veronica!” Janis laughs, running up for a hug.

“You got tall,” she remarks, throwing her arms around her and squeezing her tightly. “Though that might the boots.”

Within half an hour they’re all sitting around the kitchen table. It’s more cramped now than it probably was when her mom and Aunt Veronica were living there, but her grandpa insists on sitting on the armchair in the corner to make room.

“So Janis how’s school?” her grandma asks, pushing her pasta bake around on her plate.

“Fine,” she says. “I won a prize at this art expo.”

“Oh my god, Janis, that’s awesome!” Veronica says, nudging her with her elbow. “What was it?”

“It was this portrait I did of me and Damian and Cady,” she explains. “Cady’s new, she just joined this year.”

“She moved there from Kenya, right Jan?” her dad adds, refilling his glass of Coke. “Janis stepped in to help show her the ropes.”

“Well that was sweet of you,” her grandpa remarks from the chair.

“What brought her from Kenya to Illinois?” Veronica asks, snickering slightly.

“She said her parents were researcher zoologists until they lost their funding,” she explains. “But yeah, Cady’s pretty cool. I mean, she’s a little weird, but she’s awesome.”

“And… how is Damian?” her grandma asks, twirling her fork around, and Janis suppresses the urge to groan.

“Damian’s great, Grandma,” she says patiently. “He just started dating this boy from his drama club, so that’s great.” Beside her, she swears Veronica laughs before disguising it with a drink.

“And what about you, Janis? Any girls making your head turn?” she asks, looking over at her grandma.

Coolest. Woman. Alive.

“Not really,” she says, looking down at her plate. No girls had really caught her eye-except for the girl Damian took to calling ‘Danny DeVito girl’ after that one episode in the bathroom, but she knew her name was Gianna. Still, she barely sees her outside of history class.

“Oh, Ronnie, before I forget,” her grandma said. “We found a bunch of your old high school stuff in your old room. It was all boxed up, we didn’t know what you want done with it. It must have been left here when you moved out.”

“Oh, thanks,” Veronica says. “I’ll take a look at it tomorrow.” She stays quiet for the rest of the meal, making small, three word comments on whatever comes up in conversation, even about her own job, which is weird, as well as supremely disappointing. There’s few things Janis loves more than hearing about how she took another kid off shithole parents, and Veronica loves talking about it. Still, she shakes off whatever was bothering her when the apple pie is rolled out, sliding second helpings onto Janis’ plate when no-one’s looking.

“You know,” Veronica says in a low voice while the rest of the adults are stuck in conversation about the traffic on the way up. “If you don’t have any plans this summer… maybe you could come up to New York for a bit?”

“Are you serious?” Janis asks, feeling her heart begin to pound.

“Sure,” she says. “I know there’s art galleries around where I live that you’d love, and I’d get some quality time with my favourite niece.”

“Your only niece,” she reminds her, but she can’t supress the smile on her face. If she were Cady, she’d probably start squealing. “Thank you, Aunt Veronica!”

“Let me talk it over with your parents first,” she reminds her, placing her hand over hers and draining her glass.

“You’re the coolest person here,” Janis says, and Veronica blushes, laughing. “When and how did you get to be so cool?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” she says, her voice quiet.

Janis leans on the doorframe of her Aunt Veronica’s old room, having snuck away from the brunch discussions of what their neighbours were growing in their garden. She knocks on the wood, holding a plate of French toast, fried eggs and bacon in one hand. Veronica looks up from the box sitting on her bed. The bed is covered with all sorts; photos, books, clothes, all from her aunt’s high school years.

“I come with gifts,” Janis says, waving the plate in front of her. “You wouldn’t want to miss Grandma’s French toast, would you?”

“Of course not,” she says, taking the plate from her with a grateful smile.

“Is it cool if I hang here?” Janis asks, sitting on the bed like the question was already answered. “I’ll go insane if I spend any more time down there.”

“Sure, kid,” she says, placing the plate on her nightstand and taking a piece of bacon in her hand. There’s something in her face, how her smile doesn’t quite meet her eyes, how her eyes look kind of… well, scared. “Feel free to check out the Westerburg High memorabilia.”

Janis picks up a pile of polaroids and starts looking through them.

“You know these are back in fashion now,” she remarks, waving the photos. “This girl… my friend Karen, she loves them.” It’s odd, referring to the Plastics as “friends” now that they’ve disbanded. She’ll never in her life refer to Regina as one, but Gretchen’s not too bad and Karen is actually kind of fun, in a lost kitten kind of way that makes Janis want to protect her for the rest of her life. “Is this you?” The girl in the photo has to be Veronica, same cheekbones and wild dark hair and brown eyes and cheesy, wide smile (Janis kind of feels like she’s looking in a mirror), but she looks way different. She’s wearing a long red dress and denim jacket, a far cry from what she wears now. She looks like she didn’t even look in the mirror before leaving the house.

“Yeah, that’s me. March 1989,” she reads. “I was a junior.” She chuckles under her breath. “God you’re the spitting image of me at that age. I think that was my best friend Martha’s 17th birthday.” She points at the other girl in the photo, dark haired with glasses and a pink sweatshirt. “Yeah, she was my best friend from diapers.”

“What’s she doing now?”

“Kindergarten teacher up here,” she says with a soft smile. “Martha loves Sherwood so much she couldn’t leave if she tried. We’re still close though.” Janis hums and continues looking through them, finding more photos of Veronica and her friend Martha, sitting at school, in the park, in what she guesses is Martha’s room, all while Veronica keeps looking through the other stuff.

Suddenly, she finds one in which her aunt seems to have done a complete metamorphosis. Gone is the frumpy, slightly too big clothes of the ones before, in this one she’s in a fitted blue blazer and grey miniskirt, her eyelids blue and lips red, standing in someone’s backyard with a croquet mallet on her shoulder with three other girls; a tall, blonde girl in a red blazer and shoulder pads, a bright red scrunchie in her hair and a smirk that echoes Regina George on her face, a smaller blonde girl in yellow whose hair is in curls and an Asian girl in green with her hair pinned back. They’re all wearing the same style of all-American preppy blazers and miniskirts, and all have croquet mallets matching the colour of their clothes. While they all stand in a cluster, Veronica distances herself slightly from them, but still leaning in and still smiling at the camera. Along the bottom, someone wrote ‘Heather, Heather, Heather and Veronica-September 12th, 1989’.

“Woah, Aunt V,” she remarks. “What happened in September 1989?”

“What?” Veronica asks hastily. She comes over and looks at the photo in Janis’ hands and her face turns red.

“Aunt V?”

“It’s fine,” she says, not clarifying what ‘it’ is. “For a while… I was friends with some popular girls.”

“You were a plastic?” she asks in disbelief. No way. She refuses to believe that Veronica was ever a Regina George.

“Plastic?” she repeats, wrinkling her nose.

“It’s what we called this trio of megabitches in my school,” Janis explains. “Gretchen, Karen, and Regina George at the centre of it all.”

“Oh, that bitch Regina,” Veronica says. When her life fell apart after the “space dyke” incident, it was Veronica who had sped like crazy down the freeway to Illinois and took her out for ice cream and movies until she could smile again. She had even offered to pay for her to go to a private school in New York when her parents pulled her out. She could never be a Regina George. “We called them the Heathers. There was Heather Duke…” She points at the green one. “Heather MacNamara…” The yellow one. “And… Heather Chandler.” Her finger lands on the red one. She takes in a deep breath.

“I take it Chandler was your Regina,” she says. “Why were they all called Heather?”

“Universe is weird like that,” she answers off handedly. She’s staring at the photo so intensely she might burn a hole through it.

“Aunt V… you okay?” she asks.

“Fine,” she says, shaking her head. “We weren’t friends for that long anyway. We were at this homecoming party and they wanted to do this really bitchy thing to my friend. So….” She twirls a lock of hair around her finger. “I puked on Chandler and told her to lick it up.”

“Oh my God!” Janis laughs. “You’re such a badass, Aunt V!” Veronica chuckles and shakes her head. She looks around at the stuff around her, two cardboard boxes worth of high school memories.

“I’m going to get some trash bags. At least half of this stuff I want to throw out.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s just junk now,” she says. “Be right back.” She runs out the door, her footsteps fading as she went down the hall. Janis keeps flicking through the photos, mainly ones of her and the Heathers.

The she finds another one. Veronica, still in the “popular girl” look, sitting on a wall, staring up at the sky, laughing. Then the next one, a dark-haired, brown-eyed boy is on the wall with her. The camera is so close that he must be holding it. The old school selfie. His arm is around her and the other holds the camera. She rests her chin on his shoulder, her smile easy and open, her eyes sparkling. The boy is smiling too. The writing on the bottom reads “September 30th, 1989, Our Love Is God”. The next one is them cuddling, him standing behind her with his arms wrapped around her, kissing the back of her head while she laughs. Someone else must have taken it for them or they set it on a timer. “October 3rd, 1989, You’re in my heart like a Madonna on a pedestal.” And another one of Veronica standing against a brick wall, her hands flat against the wall and one foot leaning against it “October 10th, 1989, We love the things we love for what they are”. And another of the boy, who clearly doesn’t know he’s having his photo taken, drinking a red slushie. “October 15th, 1989, JD doesn’t know I’m taking a picture and still looks good”.

“Holy shit, Aunt V,” Janis mutters. Who knew she had a thing for bad boys? She flicks through more photos, all of her and Mysterious Trench Coat Kid (JD, she assumes), until she finds herself back at the start. She puts the pile down and keeps sorting through stuff, finding a yearbook and older class notebooks and a small, black book with 1989 written on the spine in gold lettering.

Holy shit. Her diary.

She looks over at the door and back at the book. She knows it’s wrong. She knows she shouldn’t look through her aunt’s private stuff. But then again, it’s from 1989, what could she have done as a teenager that she’s so scared of people finding out? And… Okay, she really just wants to know who the mysterious JD was.

“September 1st, 1989, Dear Diary,

I believe I’m a good person, you know I think that there’s good in everyone, but here we are, first day of senior year. And I look around at these kids I’ve known all my life and ask myself…. What happened?....”

“September 22nd, 1989, Dear Diary

It’s been three weeks since I became friends with the Heathers. Well, friends isn’t exactly the right word. It’s like the Heathers are people who I work with and our job is being popular and shit.”

“Still September 22nd, 1989, Dear Diary,

Why when you see boys fight does it look so horrible, but feel so right? I shouldn’t watch this crap, that’s not who I am, but with Mr No Name Kid here… damn.”

“October 2nd, 1989, Dear Diary,

JD’s dad will not be speaking at our wedding.”

Holy shit, she thinks. Wedding? She was planning a wedding already? Calm down there, Aunt Veronica. So JD. It had to have been a nickname. It suits the boy she sees in the photo-the rebellious bad boy apparently sweeping her off her feet. She imagines some sort of Bonnie and Clyde style love affair, or a Romeo and Juliet whirlwind where Veronica’s dad had been desperate to keep his squeaky clean girl away from the troublemaker?

She hears her footsteps in the hall and quickly closes the book, dropping it back in the box. Aunt Veronica comes back in with two trash bags in one hand and a coffee mug in the other.

“Sorry, got sidetracked by coffee, although I did bring you a cookie,” she says, handing her over one.

“Thanks,” she says, taking a bite out of it while Veronica starts tossing bits and pieces into one of the bags. “So… who’s JD?”

Something changes in her. Janis expected her to blush or laugh off the bad boy she seemingly had a little affair with as a teenager; instead the bag falls from her hand, her eyes look up at her, wide and fearful, her breathing gets faster, her face paler. She looks so much younger now, like the seventeen year old she saw in the photos.

“JD?” she repeats weakly. “Where… how did you hear about JD?”

“I found some pictures of you and him.” She slides her hands into her back pockets, regret pounding in her chest. Veronica picks up the photos and Janis can see them shaking in her hands. She feels like she opened up Pandora’s Box, unleashing all the terrors inside. Another terror sits heavily in her chest, fighting its way up her throat and out of her mouth almost against her will. She could never keep stuff from Veronica. “And… I may have peaked in your old diary.”

“My diary?” she asks sharply. “My 1989 diary? You looked in there?” Her voice gets more frantic and Janis gets more scared and even more guilty. She can feel her ‘favourite niece’ status slipping away.

“I know, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have looked in there!” she apologises. “I’m sorry, Aunt V.”

“What did you read in it?” she asks. If Janis didn’t know better, she’d have sworn she was scared. No, she is beyond scared. Terrified is a more accurate term. Veronica looks like she’s struggling to catch her breath, her fists curling and uncurling. “Janis I need to know; what did you read in it?”

“Nothing important,” she says. “Just… like the stuff about the people in your senior year and the Heathers were people you worked with and how JD’s dad wasn’t going to be speaking at your wedding!” She feels her lip begin to tremble and she swears to herself she won’t cry. “I’m sorry, Aunt Veronica, I know I shouldn’t have look in it.”

Veronica sighs and lowers herself on to the bed, burying her face in her hands.

“It’s okay,” she says. “It’s okay, Janis. I’m sorry I got so worked up.” She pulls Janis’ hand and gets to her sit down next to her. She lets out a breath and laughs slightly, running a hand through her hair. “JD was my boyfriend in senior year.”

“That much I gathered,” she jokes. “I mean…Our Love Is God isn’t something you’d say to your friends.”

“He said all kinds of stuff like that,” she tells her. She pulls her jacket tighter around herself, her eyes filling with tears. Janis puts an arm around her.

“It ended badly?” she asks softly. Veronica stays quiet, looking at her hands.

“He killed himself,” she whispers after a while.

“Shit,” Janis says. “Aunt Veronica, I’m so sorry.” Veronica threads her fingers in Janis’.

“Kid, it was nearly 30 years ago,” she says. “I’m not… I’m not over it but, I guess I moved on.” She reaches over with her free hand and takes the pile of photos, looking at the one of him and her at the 7/11. “And yeah… it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows when he was alive. His dad was an ass, for starters. He messed JD up pretty bad. And that’s…” She wipes tears away from her eyes and Janis’ heart breaks. She wishes she’d never looked at the damn photos. “I guess that’s why I try so hard now. Try to take kids off bad dads like that. Stop future JDs in their tracks.”

“Aunt V,” Janis protests. “You know it’s not your job to stop people, right? If people are bad, then they’re bad.”

“I know,” she says. “I just never stopped thinking what if his dad had been good? Or if someone had looked out for him.” Janis wants to shake her head and tell her that his problems don’t matter if he hurt her (and she can tell that he did) but she keeps her mouth shut. “I’m sorry for getting mad, Jan. And for unloading all of this on you.”

“It’s fine,” she says. “I’m sorry I read your diary.” Veronica shakes her head and pulls her into a hug.

“You know, you’re the only one in this family who knows he was my boyfriend?” she asks. “My mom and dad thought that we were just friends and your mom was away at college while it was all going down.” Janis smiles, feeling small sense of pride amongst all her guilt. Sharing a secret with her aunt, even if it’s about her bad boy former flame. Though she does wonder how her grandparents missed the fact that they were more than friends.

She knows there’s more she’s not telling, and she’s more than okay with that. First things first, she knows she doesn’t want to know exactly what went down between them. She’s not sure she can stomach the details. And she knows that it’s probably better if Aunt Veronica keeps them to herself.

By Veronica’s count, it’s been twenty one years since her last JD related nightmare. Her and her partner Anna had just started getting serious, and Anna was staying over at her house. That night, while curled up next to her, Veronica had dreamed about Anna pounding on her closet door while she barricaded herself inside, telling her about after and destiny and how they were meant to be together, the words “meant to be yours” being repeated over and over again until the voice turned into something different. Into him.

She had woken up screaming and she broke up with Anna the next week.

Still, after that episode, she went twenty one years nightmare free.

Until she bolted up in bed at 2:30 am, muffling her scream with her hands, an old trick she learned in college, feeling her heart in a frantic rhythm against her ribs.

She had dreamed about him blowing himself up again up again, except this time he was taking her down with him. She still feels her arms wrapped around him, the bomb digging into her chest, her fingers fisting in his coat as he tells her again “I worship you” and she just numbly nods, Heather Chandler pressing against her, whispering “see you in Hell, biotch” just before the bomb goes off and rips her to pieces.

After senior year, she had stashed everything into a box and hid it under a pile of other stuff in her room, hoping to never have to look at it again. She had almost forgotten about everything that was in there. It’s everything she wishes she could erase from her memory about her time in high school. Everything she regrets and misses the most.

She kicks the blankets off her, feeling suffocated by them, and looks at the bags of trash filled with all her high school memories. She had just wanted to get rid of all of it, clean the slate, to use JD’s turn of phrase, act like those months had never existed, but now she’s not so sure.

She gets up and opens one, looking at its contents from the lamp on her bedside table. She still can’t sleep in the dark, even now. Inside there’s her old notebooks and clothes that haven’t fit since she was a teenager and her old yearbook. She pulls out the yearbook, running her finger down the spine. She somehow opens it to the last page she wants to see; “In Memory Of Heather Chandler”. Heather’s photo beams out from the middle of the double page, all red lipstick and blonde curls. Words from students crowd around it “Always In Our Hearts”, “Rest In Power Heather”, “Drinking Rum and Coke With The Angels” (because there’s plenty of that in Heaven), “I’m Sorry I Didn’t Know” “You Deserved Better” (well maybe that’s not an unfair statement). And pride of place, close as possible to her picture “Best Friends Forever-Heather M” and “Miss You Forever-Heather D”.

She turns the page and finds Kurt and Ram’s memorial page, adorned with rainbows. She bites her lip as tears well in her eyes. More messages from the students are scattered around the page, promises to make the world a better place, to stamp out bigotry and prejudice. Apparently their dads did that until the day they died.

When she turns the page, there’s one more memorial page; Jason Dean. It’s blindingly different from the other two. One picture of him in the middle, God knows where they got it because it wasn’t taken at school. A little blurb explaining how he came into the school in September and died in November during the pep rally. The official explanation was that he had killed himself during the rally by blowing himself up in the football field.

Veronica had forged a pretty great note for it.

Hardly anyone had any words to say about him, though a couple of well-intentioned kids on the yearbook committee added some. “I Wish I’d Known Him” (trust me, she had thought when she first read it, you don’t), “Rest In Peace, Jason”, “Your Time With Us Was Short But Wonderful”. In the corner, there’s her handwriting, “I wish you’d stayed around a little longer”, then scribbled out so violently the page tore. She wishes a lot of things, but not that he had stayed around. Not in the way he was anyway.

She puts the yearbook aside and keeps looking through it, finding an old videotape. No title, except a white label with “Halloween, 1989” written in her handwriting. She wracks her brain for what happened then, and she draws a blank. Thankfully, her old TV and video player are still in her room, so she pulls them both onto the floor with her and slides it in, turning the volume low enough so that only she can hear it.

The picture comes into view and it’s her, wearing a long sleeved black minidress and tights and a pair of cat ears, raising her eyebrows and laughing, putting candy into a large orange bowl decorated with black cats and spiderwebs.

“Are you filming this right now?” the 1989 version of her asks.

“Yeah of course,” JD replies, taking a step closer. “Look at this folks, pure Halloween commitment right here.” The camera zooms in on her dress, on her cat ears, the whiskers drawn onto her unimpressed face with eyeliner.

Her heart stops at the sound of his voice. He sounds so different to what she remembers. His voice is higher, softer. He doesn’t sound like he does in her nightmares. He doesn’t sound like the kind of person who would storm into her room, tell her he wanted to kill her, tell her he was blowing up the school. He doesn’t sound broken or damaged. He sounds normal, happy, relaxed and it cuts her deep.

“Oh, okay,” the younger version of her says. “Now, look at this.” The picture shakes as the past version of her tries to take the camera off him while he makes tiny noises of protest. “No, give it, give me the camera.” Her voice is high pitched and nearly whiny, but she’s laughing, the same loud, dumb laugh she always used as a teenager. She used to complain to him about it and he assured her he loved the sound of her laugh.

“Or what?” he replies.

“Or you don’t get candy,” she teases.

A different fight plays out in the back of her mind, when they fought over something much more sinister. The two teenagers in the video didn’t deserve that. They didn’t know how it would all play out. The girl didn’t know the monster she was creating. The boy didn’t know just how broken he really was.

The younger Veronica wrestles the camera off JD with a triumphant laugh and turns it on him, snickering.

Her breath catches at the sight of him. He’s just like he is in the photos, except he’s moving. He’s more alive, laughing and twirling to show off his full costume. He’s even discarded his trench coat, she can see it sitting on the couch behind him, instead wearing a puffy white shirt and leather pants and an eye patch of all things.

“He’s a sexy pirate,” past her sings, zooming in on him. He leans against the wall dramatically and pouts at her, making her laugh.

“I’m a regular pirate,” he corrects her. “I just happen to always be sexy.” She laughs again, the camera tilting slightly like she’s leaning back.

“Yeah you are,” she agrees. The camera is place on the counter and she goes over to him, wrapping her arms around him and kissing him. He wraps his arms around her, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. She moans as he pulls her closer, getting rid of whatever space there was between them. Her hands get caught up in his hair while his trail on her legs, but never lifting her skirt.

It always got heated between them. Simple goodbye kisses turning into him letting her push him up against the wall and tongues and teeth clashing while hands were running along waistlines and through hair. He always let her take the lead, set her pace, be in control. It used to make her feel empowered. Having him underneath her, being willing to do anything she wanted, to obey her wishes. She never took it too far, asked if he was okay with it too, and he always was, looking at her with wide eyes and nodding enthusiastically.

She wonders now how much of it was real and how much was just him letting her get comfortable with him. Comfortable enough to be clay in his hands. It’s all so confusing to her know, love or infatuation, how much of her memories are viewed through the rose coloured lens she uses to make it hurt less, was he broken and damaged or just bad?

“Okay,” the younger Veronica breaks away, sounding breathless. “Movie time.” JD joins their hands as she lifts the bowl from the counter. Her eyes fall on the camera and realisation dawns on her. “Shit!”

“What?”

“We left the camera on,” she laughs, burying her face in the crook of his neck. “Oh we filmed that!”

“Oh my God,” he replies, laughing too. “Oh my God we filmed that. We filmed us making out.”

“Do not even talk about that,” she laughs.

“It’s your camera, right?” he asks as he wraps his arms around her. “So your parents will never see it?”

“They might!” she squeaks, wriggling out of his arms. “Okay, go get the popcorn started, I’m going to turn this off.”

Her face fills the camera as she lifts it, still laughing. Still young. Not too many scars.

“Sex tape!” JD whispers in the background, and she laughs harder.

“JD I swear to God-”

The picture changes and they’re in her living room. JD holds the camera, tilted at an angle so a sleeping Veronica is visible, curled up and using JD as a pillow. He’s smiling, open, earnest. His arm is around her and he kissed her forehead gently. She murmurs and snuggles closer to him. The way he looks at her can only really be described as reverence. Like she’s the Virgin Mary and he’s the most devout follower there is.

“Hello, person who is watching this tape,” he whispers. “Probably in the year 2127, when we’re all dead. You might notice this, but Veronica Sawyer is currently asleep on top of me. It is 1am here in Sherwood, Ohio and she fell asleep on my shoulder.” He runs his fingertips up and down her back, losing himself in thought for a moment. “If you’re in the future you probably never got to know her. Which is sad for you, really, because she’s the best damn thing humanity has to offer. And nothing that comes after her will really compare. And I am in love with her. I will love her until I die and even after that, I’m going to keep loving her.” Veronica shifts in her sleep and JD looks worried for a moment, but she just stretches her arm across his chest and settles down again. His face breaks out into a smile once more. “She’s the only thing that’s good in this world. I’m going to turn the camera off now so I don’t wake her up.”

The picture turns to black and he’s gone.

Veronica presses her hands to her mouth to muffle the sound of her crying.

This shouldn’t be happening. This was nearly 30 years ago. While she couldn’t get help with everything, she got counselling after JD’s death. She shouldn’t be sitting on the floor of her childhood bedroom, trying not to cry over a 29 year old video. She shouldn’t be falling back in love with a dead man, let alone a dead man who made her life hell for years and is the reason she flinches away from love even now, a man who was terrible and wanted to kill people and she shouldn’t even be thinking about because he’s been dead for nearly 30 years.

She’s reopened all her old wounds. All it took was one look from him and she’s back where she began.

Stupid heart. Holding onto someone who shouldn’t be allowed in there anymore. She used to think it would be better if she could just rip it out and stop herself from feeling anything again. But then she met people and made friends and reconnected with old ones and then Janis was born and took her heart in her tiny little baby hands. She would never stop herself from feeling all that. Even if it means she has to feel all of this too, the ugly and painful side of loving someone.

She keeps crying as she looks through the rest of the bag, Her fingers brush against something hard and she tenses. Her diary.

She kicks herself for keeping it. Putting aside every painful thing she put in here, it’s evidence. When Janis said that she’d gone through it, her heart had stopped and she had felt the world around her crumble. She only got as far as her first meeting with JD’s dad. But just one page later she wrote “Dear Diary…. Technically I didn’t kill Heather Chandler, I know that, but I still feel bad. But not as bad as I should. And that makes me feel even worse.”  And then just two pages after that is the amazing line “Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit has a body count”.

The most incriminating lines she could have written.

Janis thinks she’s the coolest person alive. Wonder how she’d feel about her after knowing that she’d murdered three people.

“Not you,” JD had told her. She supposes he’s right. But she doesn’t like saying that she was just an unwilling accomplice. She handed Heather Chandler the mug of drain cleaner, she shot at Kurt, she let JD shoot Ram. She fell for the “Ich Luge bullets” lie. Their blood is on her hands just as much as it was his. She doesn’t know if she believes in Heaven or Hell any more, but she knows that if there is a Hell, then she’ll burn for that.

And besides, in the mortal world, accomplices still do jail time.

She knows what she has to do. She’s just far too scared to do it.

It’s still pitch black outside when she sneaks out of the house, key in the pocket of the coat she wears over her pyjamas. She keeps the diary clutched to her chest as she makes her way down her old street to the one place she’s sure no one will suspect her of going.

Westerburg High stands just as imposing as it ever did before her, locked behind an iron fence. She started her senior year desperate to leave it then two months later she was risking everything to save it.

And where was her damn gratitude?

After the news broke about JD, things changed for her. People gave her sad eyes as they passed in the hallway, whispers of “I’m so sorry” and “if you need anything, I’m here” and teachers offering support and then the newspaper offering her an interview.

Still, she finally saw the hierarchy fall. Heather Mac started eating lunch with her and Martha and, seeing that she can’t exactly lead a clique of one person, so did Heather Duke, eventually. Heathers and Marthas sitting at a table together. Heaven on Earth. Checkmate, JD.  MacNamara and Martha even dated until their second year of college. People stopped hating each other and it became beautiful.

Janis says that the same thing happened in her school. Her little jungle friend Cady broke the dance queen’s crown and shared it and told everyone they were beautiful. Now she’s braiding the former popular girl’s hair like it’s nothing. Everyone sits where they want and there’s no cliques or rumours or stupid bitchy girl fights. No one is afraid, all because one cute little mathlete made a speech. And yet for her school to get to that same kind of peace, she had to steal a scrunchie and four people had to die.

Outside the school fence, she finds an empty trash can, just like she hoped she would. She takes a look around the deserted street. No one’s around to see her. She’s completely alone and yet she still feels like all eyes are on her. Street lights glare down on her like an interrogation and she feels eyes on her back, even though she doesn’t see anyone when she turns around. She flips up the hood of her jacket, pulling it over her face.

She pulls the diary out of her pocket and drops it in the empty trash can, flinching at the sound it makes. It must be louder in her mind. Her shaking hand lifts out the matches. It takes longer than she would have liked to get them to light; her hands are trembling so badly she drops a few before she can get them to the matchbook, and others she can’t seem to strike hard enough.

The ground is littered with matches rolling in the light breeze when she finally gets one to work properly. The flame dances in front of her eyes, bright against the darkness of everything that surrounds her. She looks down at the diary, lying dead, almost invisible at the bottom of the trash can. It has every good memory of her time with JD, every time he made her laugh, every time he made her smile, details about what she felt when he kissed her. But it also has evidence and that’s a risk she can’t afford to take.

She lets the match fall from her hand and set the book ablaze.

“No!” she yells immediately after watching it start to burn. She presses her hands to her mouth because she knows that if she doesn’t do something she’ll reach in and try to grab it out.

She feels like she’s burning him. Like she’s seventeen again and back on the football field watching him explode, feeling her heart get torn apart while her soul and conscience are knitted back together. Simultaneously finding it hard to breathe and being able to for the first time in weeks. Saying goodbye to the worst and best thing to happen to her. She's burning every good memory she had of him and wonders if she'll forget if she doesn't have it to look back on. Does she even want to remember it now? Maybe she shouldn't, but she does. She wants to remember the good but also the bad. The bad reminds her why she keeps going and keeps fighting now.

She stays watching it, silently sobbing until the fire burns out and it’s nothing more but a pile of ash at the bottom.

Her clock reads 3:45am when she gets back into her room, climbing in through her window, nearly falling over the empty trash bag. As quietly as she can, she moves her TV back to where it was and takes the video out of it. She kneels next to the trashbag and fishes out the pack of photos. She had wanted to get rid of them, act like that year never happened. But she’s never going to forget him, no matter what she does. He’s burned into her mind whether she likes it or not.

She places the photos and videotape on her shelf and reties the bag. Maybe if that’s all she has of him, she can pretend he was something else.

After waking up at 11 the next morning and missing breakfast, Veronica decides to take Janis out for pancakes and coffee in town.

“Late night, Aunt V?” she asks, watching Veronica down another coffee.

“Yeah,” she admits, pushing her hair out of her eyes. She predicts she’ll crash out at 9pm at the latest tonight. “Just… looking through some old stuff. Kept me up.”

“Some old high school stuff?” Janis asks quietly, her shoulders hunching. She looks small and it doesn’t suit her. Ever since Janis could walk she’s been unapologetic about how loud she is and how much space she takes up. Even though the Regina incident knocked her down, all she did the next year was come back louder and bigger. She doesn’t look at Veronica, keeping her eyes on her half-constructed pancake house.

“Yeah,” she says. “I found some more stuff of when I was with JD.”

“Aunt Veronica, I’m really sorry,” she says. “That I brought him up. I know he can’t be easy to talk about.”

“Jan, it’s okay,” she assures her. “I’m actually, weirdly kind of glad you did. I just sort of needed that kind of release, I guess. I needed to remember him.” Janis nods, but the confusion is visible on her face. “It’s complicated.”

“Are you going to be okay?” she asks. Veronica smiles and takes her hand.

“I’ve been okay for the past 29 years, Jan,” she explains. “And besides, you don’t need to worry about me. It’s my job to worry about you. You’re the kid here.”

“I’m seventeen,” Janis corrects her. Veronica nods. Seventeen’s a fun age. She felt so grown up when it started and then everything happened and all she needed was someone to hold her.

“That’s not as old as you think it is,” she tells her. “Go be seventeen. Go do dumb stuff and don’t worry about me. Trust me, you’ll have plenty of time for all that later.”

“How do you know all that stuff?” she asks. “How do you know what to say?”

“Easy,” she answers, taking another sip of her coffee. “I just say what I wish adults had said to me at that age.”

[tealsnapdragonfics]

Hallows Eve Engadement pt 4

Ania POV

With a snap of my fingers, the haunt cleaned itself up. The minute the room turned normal, I was face to face with my grandfather, who, mind you, was looking rather concerned. Tears slowly fell from my eyes as I looked down in shame. His long fingers lifted my chin up, removing my tears with his thumb, and he pulled me into a warm but firm hug.

“I broke my promise. I said I’d never lose control but failed. I let you down, I let Klaus down, I-I... ” As I whimpered into his chest, he slowly stroked my back before speaking.

“Karma, look at me.” His voice had an authoritative tone, so I figured it best not to argue. Peeking up, I met with a familiar smile, the same gaze I saw the day I lost my parents. “You never broke your promise. You entrusted Tiva with the safe word I taught you just in case you lost control. Any other demon would have given into the urge and their pride and not told anyone their safe word.” With a smile, he ruffled my hair. Giggling, I tried to push his hand away.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I just feel bad because I’m afraid of what could happen with Klaus. What if he doesn't think the same? What if he leaves me for a mortal girl he can grow old with? What if-” Firmly, he placed his finger to my lips.

“Sweetheart, those are only what if’s, not realities. Soon enough, you'll understand that sometimes, you stress yourself out too much. Now, go enjoy the rest of your birthday.” Hades faded away into the dark shadow of the wall, leaving me in the room alone.  

Out of the corner of my eyes, I noticed a faint shadow pass by. Rolling  my eyes I face the shadow and say. “Nice try, Undertaker. What are you doing here anyways?” Letting out his signature laugh, he replied.  “Can't a grandfather check up on his only granddaughter and wish her a frightful birthday?”

“Right…” I knew that the Undertaker’s motivations were almost always for pleasure and business combined. “Who are you taking away tonight?”

Silence. The shadow appeared to wince in pain as if I had pushed on a pressure point. It was clear to me that whoever he had to take away, the Undertaker would be doing so at his own dismay. Who could he possibly not want to take away? It disturbed me that for once, he was not happy about doing his duty to Death. If it wasn’t me, then… “So help me, if you're here for Klaus…”

The Undertaker laughed hysterically. “If it was him, I'd let you do it yourself. No, some random student is about to die of disease, and I was gonna make your cousin do the deed.”

Who’s my cousin again?” Silence. It took me a few seconds to realize who he meant. “Right… I forgot about that.” He kind of has a duty when it comes to teaching ‘new’ reapers. (You may be wondering how I’m related to a Reaper, but that’s a story best left alone... Maybe another night.) “Well, I'll let you go ahead and bug the cousin,” I said just as the shadow faded into my shadow.

Snapping my fingers, my armor faded away, replaced with a orange corset lined with black weaves that appeared to represent the thorns normally wound around my silver crown. A black skirt hiked up in front, cascading from my hips down to the floor. My shoes heightened, putting me in sleek black combat boots that zip up the sides. Being left alone in the room, I walked myself out the throne room doors.

    The demonic melody filled the ballroom as Elias began playing classical Halloween medley Moon Trance. It was a catchy song, so it wasn’t a surprise the dance floor was soon crawling with people. On the other hand, no one wanted the center of the room, which resulted in awkward dancing. A familiar arm circled my waist slowly pulling me towards where everyone was dancing.

As Klaus dragged me towards the center, I remembered that I had the honor of announcing the Hallow’s Eve king and queen. Without even counting I knew who it would be. No demonic meddling involved... besides getting Zach’s help to pick the crown for the unlucky gal.  Zach was silently snickering while watching Tiva trying to get her boyfriend Luca Orlem to dance with her. They were both mysterious in their own right and Tiva loves his sadistic creativity, so it’s a win-win situation. Luca’s pranks ceased to hurt anyone, and Tiva FINALLY accepted Luca’s feelings even though it took him 7 months to succeed (But that’s only because Tiva’s a hard ass).

Resting my head on Klaus’s shoulder, we contently danced, ignoring the spotlight we were in. After all, demons don’t give a shit about anything unless it’s condemned souls for feeding or our closest friends. Being crowned Prince and Princess of the dance definitely wasn’t on that list (Damn you, Zach). Zach’s creepy yet familiar cackle filled the room. I couldn’t help sending Tiva a look that said, what the hell is he up to? The students stopped dancing and Elias made the music faint away, so Zach could continue his spheil. “It’s the time all you pathetic wizards have been waiting for. Your King, Queen, Prince, and Princess shall soon be announced!” Shooting my gaze to Tiva, I mouthed to her. DID YOU PUT HIM UP TO THIS? Tiva mouthed back, You’re the one in charge of this, not me!

Zach continued the greatly anticipated announcement, “On this Hallow’s Eve Night, the Prince and Princess is none other than our Emperor Klaus Goldstein and his lovely Empress Anyia Michaelis!” I smirked.

I knew exactly what was gonna happen next.

Nodding my head towards Zach, he continued. “Now for the main event. Your Hallow’s Eve King and Mysteriously lovely Queen are none other than our Favorite Prankster Luciano Orudeus Gedonelune (Luca Orlem) and the sneaky, insane, half-Reaper Tiva Nasia Nightshade!” (SPOILER ALERT) The look on their faces was the best thing ever.

*Time skip brought to you by hours of dancing and a lifetime supply of endless punishment for Zach*

Having taken many pictures and danced for hours, Klaus began to lead me somewhere alone in the light of the full moon. The music soon faded away, the endless woods remained semi-dark with an elegant shimmer from the moon, and Klaus’s figure continued to lead me along. Granted, I could see where I was going, but his sudden adventure still had me curious. The further we walked, the more aura shadows I noticed out of the corner of my eye. I wanted to know where he was taking me, so I gave in to the urge. “Nascha, where are you taking me?”

It’s been awhile since I last called him that, so I figured now was the best time. After all, we were ‘alone.’ Persistent in his guiding, he simply turned his head, smiled, and kept leading me deeper into the trees. Soon, we found ourselves in a open and wide field, with noticeable tombstones left and right. Once I spotted an ancient royalty headstone, I knew exactly which cemetery we were standing in.

“How did you even...” I was at a loss for words. There’s no way he could have found the forbidden Michaelis cemetery by himself, right? Before I could react, I began to hear a mysteriously familiar violin song playing from the distance (Song of a Caged Bird - Lindsey Stirling). I hadn’t heard Lindsey’s Song of a Caged Bird since... not since I last picked up my father’s violin and played it for his birthday, then his funeral. My eyes widened as unfamiliar tears began to fall from my demonic eyes. Shimmering dancing lights began to dance around alongside the music, replaying the days that my parents were still alive. It was a lie to say I didn’t desperately want them back.

Turning to Klaus, I could tell that this was his birthday present to me, an opportunity to see my parents one last time. Without saying a word, I walked up to him and buried myself in his arms. Holding me tightly, he whispered in my ear, “Koko, turn around and open your eyes.” Doing as he said, I turned around and was face to face with none other than my raven-haired father and blonde-haired mother. Covering my mouth, I couldn’t help letting out a quiet sob.

Naturally, my parents heard it.

My dad walked towards me and pulled me into his chest for an unusually heart-warming hug. Holding me closely, my mother came next to my dad and stroked my hair, speaking, “My little crow have grown into such a beautiful and powerful young lady.” My father scoffed, knowing full well that I would not accept such a title, and spoke in the soothing voice I’d so longed to hear, “Kitten, we’re sorry we weren’t able to be there for you like real parents, but we never left your side, not once.”

Gripping them both harder, I whispered, “If you were here the whole time, why couldn’t I see you all the time? I alway needed you both, even if I am a Demon-Reaper Wizardess.”

Smiling down at me, my father replied, “Silly kitten. You know full well that the dead resides on a different plane, with the exception of those who cannot or chooses not to move on. It doesn't mean that we aren't with you all the time. Especially not with part of ourselves inside of you.”

“I missed you so much. Do you have to leave again?”

“Who says we ever did? Happy birthday, little kitten,” my father lovingly said as he and my mother hugged me tightly. I closed my eyes to take in as much of them as I could. The tightness of the hug faded away, but the warmth never did. When I finally opened my eyes, they were gone, replaced by dancing lights that soon became faint as the song came to a close. Turning to Klaus, the rude brainiac who could be very sweet at times, I was met with a warm smile and kind eyes. Unable to hold myself back, I punched him in the arm before giving him a hug. “What was that for?”

“You made me cry. I don't like crying,” I replied with a smirk on my face. Rolling his eyes, he took his arms and wrapped them securely around my waist. Pulling me closer, he whispered sweet nothings into my ear before finally speaking in a nervous voice, “Ania, I want to ask you something. I’ve been meaning to ask for a while, but now, I cannot delay any longer.”

Klaus is NERVOUS? That’s unusual. He’s normally calm and composed, even in dire situations. He’s starting to worry me... What question could he possibly have that he’s been waiting to ask? I stared at him, waiting for him to keep talking. After a moment of awkward silence, he finally got the hint that I was waiting for him to ask whatever was on his mind. “Well…”

“Well?” I was starting to get impatient. And then, out of nowhere, Klaus kneeled on one knee only for him to pull out a small black box. Huh? He opened it, revealing an amethyst gold ring, and asked the last question I expected to come out of his mouth, “Anyia Kai Lainey Michaelis, will you marry me?” Wait a minute… WHAT?!?!

I was completely thrown off track. He’s not that good at keeping secrets from me! How could I have been so oblivious to this? Unless.... Looking out of the corner of my eye, I noticed two shadows, one fairly shorter than the other, standing in the trees. The tall shadow appeared to be snickering, whereas the other calmly walked up to the tall shadow and smacked him on the back of the head, only for said figure to kiss the shadow. Oh, Tiva. Of course Klaus asked for your help. At least she finally manned up enough to kiss Luca. Once I realized Klaus was still in front of me, I quickly looked back at him, nervously awaiting my answer.

I finally answered, “Yes.”

Sighing in relief, Klaus stood slipped the ring on my finger and pulled me to him with a smile. Peeking from the ring to his god-like features, I asked, “Are you sure you can handle me? I mean, I am a sadistic demon after all, Oh, and I forgot to mention that I'm also part Reaper.” Letting out a soft chuckle, Klaus replied, “Love, if I didn't think I could, I wouldn't have considered proposing in the first place.” Smiling widely, Klaus pulled me against his chest and laid a playful kiss to my neck, then to my lips.

This was One Hell of an Engagement on this Hallow’s Eve night.

[dawncleyne-blog]

Hallow's Eve Engagement Part 4

You all know what this is a Picture of!

This is Klaus crown for when he wins the title of prince. I took inspiration from the color of Ania’s crown and the fact that Bronze is more Prince and Princess

This is the crown for Ania when she wins title of Princess. 

Tiva and Ania share the skirt both are wearing a skirt similar to the one in this picture. (And can I just say I WANT THOSE BOOTS I’D WEAR THOSE!)

Luca’s crown was inspired by the fact he’s pre-Royalty and since the symbol for the country is a dragon. THe green is to represent his hair eyes and the stone from his mothers earring 

This is the crown Tiva wins for becoming Queen.

WARNING: SPOILER ALERT!

Ania POV

With a snap of my fingers, the haunt cleaned itself up. The minute the room turned normal, I was face to face with my grandfather, who, mind you, was looking rather concerned. Tears slowly fell from my eyes as I looked down in shame. His long fingers lifted my chin up, removing my tears with his thumb, and he pulled me into a warm but firm hug.

“I broke my promise. I said I’d never lose control but failed. I let you down, I let Klaus down, I-I... ” As I whimpered into his chest, he slowly stroked my back before speaking.

“Karma, look at me.” His voice had an authoritative tone, so I figured it best not to argue. Peeking up, I met with a familiar smile, the same gaze I saw the day I lost my parents. “You never broke your promise. You entrusted Tiva with the safe word I taught you just in case you lost control. Any other demon would have given into the urge and their pride and not told anyone their safe word.” With a smile, he ruffled my hair. Giggling, I tried to push his hand away.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I just feel bad because I’m afraid of what could happen with Klaus. What if he doesn't think the same? What if he leaves me for a mortal girl he can grow old with? What if-” Firmly, he placed his finger to my lips.

“Sweetheart, those are only what if’s, not realities. Soon enough, you'll understand that sometimes, you stress yourself out too much. Now, go enjoy the rest of your birthday.” Hades faded away into the dark shadow of the wall, leaving me in the room alone.  

Out of the corner of my eyes, I noticed a faint shadow pass by. Rolling  my eyes I face the shadow and say.  “Nice try, Undertaker. What are you doing here anyways?” Letting out his signature laugh, he replied.  “Can't a grandfather check up on his only granddaughter and wish her a frightful birthday?”

“Right…” I knew that the Undertaker’s motivations were almost always for pleasure and business combined. “Who are you taking away tonight?”

Silence. The shadow appeared to wince in pain as if I had pushed on a pressure point. It was clear to me that whoever he had to take away, the Undertaker would be doing so at his own dismay. Who could he possibly not want to take away? It disturbed me that for once, he was not happy about doing his duty to Death. If it wasn’t me, then… “So help me, if you're here for Klaus…”

The Undertaker laughed hysterically. “If it was him, I'd let you do it yourself. No, some random student is about to die of disease, and I was gonna make your cousin do the deed.”

Who’s my cousin again?” Silence. It took me a few seconds to realize who he meant. “Right… I forgot about that.” He kind of has a duty when it comes to teaching ‘new’ reapers. (You may be wondering how I’m related to a Reaper, but that’s a story best left alone... Maybe another night.) “Well, I'll let you go ahead and bug the cousin,” I said just as the shadow faded into my shadow.

Snapping my fingers, my armor faded away, replaced with a orange corset lined with black weaves that appeared to represent the thorns normally wound around my silver crown. A black skirt hiked up in front, cascading from my hips down to the floor. My shoes heightened, putting me in sleek black combat boots that zip up the sides. Being left alone in the room, I walked myself out the throne room doors.

    The demonic melody filled the ballroom as Elias began playing classical Halloween medley Moon Trance. It was a catchy song, so it wasn’t a surprise the dance floor was soon crawling with people. On the other hand, no one wanted the center of the room, which resulted in awkward dancing. A familiar arm circled my waist slowly pulling me towards where everyone was dancing.

As Klaus dragged me towards the center, I remembered that I had the honor of announcing the Hallow’s Eve king and queen. Without even counting I knew who it would be. No demonic meddling involved... besides getting Zach’s help to pick the crown for the unlucky gal.  Zach was silently snickering while watching Tiva trying to get her boyfriend Luca Orlem to dance with her. They were both mysterious in their own right and Tiva loves his sadistic creativity, so it’s a win-win situation. Luca’s pranks ceased to hurt anyone, and Tiva FINALLY accepted Luca’s feelings even though it took him 7 months to succeed (But that’s only because Tiva’s a hard ass).

Resting my head on Klaus’s shoulder, we contently danced, ignoring the spotlight we were in. After all, demons don’t give a shit about anything unless it’s condemned souls for feeding or our closest friends. Being crowned Prince and Princess of the dance definitely wasn’t on that list (Damn you, Zach). Zach’s creepy yet familiar cackle filled the room. I couldn’t help sending Tiva a look that said, what the hell is he up to? The students stopped dancing and Elias made the music faint away, so Zach could continue his spheil. “It’s the time all you pathetic wizards have been waiting for. Your King, Queen, Prince, and Princess shall soon be announced!” Shooting my gaze to Tiva, I mouthed to her. DID YOU PUT HIM UP TO THIS? Tiva mouthed back, You’re the one in charge of this, not me!

Zach continued the greatly anticipated announcement, “On this Hallow’s Eve Night, the Prince and Princess is none other than our Emperor Klaus Goldstein and his lovely Empress Anyia Michaelis!” I smirked.

I knew exactly what was gonna happen next.

Nodding my head towards Zach, he continued. “Now for the main event. Your Hallow’s Eve King and Mysteriously lovely Queen are none other than our Favorite Prankster Luciano Orudeus Gedonelune (Luca Orlem) and the sneaky, insane, half-Reaper Tiva Nasia Nightshade!” (SPOILER ALERT) The look on their faces was the best thing ever.

*Time skip brought to you by hours of dancing and a lifetime supply of endless punishment for Zach*

Having taken many pictures and danced for hours, Klaus began to lead me somewhere alone in the light of the full moon. The music soon faded away, the endless woods remained semi-dark with an elegant shimmer from the moon, and Klaus’s figure continued to lead me along. Granted, I could see where I was going, but his sudden adventure still had me curious. The further we walked, the more aura shadows I noticed out of the corner of my eye. I wanted to know where he was taking me, so I gave in to the urge. “Nascha, where are you taking me?”

It’s been awhile since I last called him that, so I figured now was the best time. After all, we were ‘alone.’ Persistent in his guiding, he simply turned his head, smiled, and kept leading me deeper into the trees. Soon, we found ourselves in a open and wide field, with noticeable tombstones left and right. Once I spotted an ancient royalty headstone, I knew exactly which cemetery we were standing in.

“How did you even...” I was at a loss for words. There’s no way he could have found the forbidden Michaelis cemetery by himself, right? Before I could react, I began to hear a mysteriously familiar violin song playing from the distance (Song of a Caged Bird - Lindsey Stirling). I hadn’t heard Lindsey’s Song of a Caged Bird since... not since I last picked up my father’s violin and played it for his birthday, then his funeral. My eyes widened as unfamiliar tears began to fall from my demonic eyes. Shimmering dancing lights began to dance around alongside the music, replaying the days that my parents were still alive. It was a lie to say I didn’t desperately want them back.

Turning to Klaus, I could tell that this was his birthday present to me, an opportunity to see my parents one last time. Without saying a word, I walked up to him and buried myself in his arms. Holding me tightly, he whispered in my ear, “Koko, turn around and open your eyes.” Doing as he said, I turned around and was face to face with none other than my raven-haired father and blonde-haired mother. Covering my mouth, I couldn’t help letting out a quiet sob.

Naturally, my parents heard it.

My dad walked towards me and pulled me into his chest for an unusually heart-warming hug. Holding me closely, my mother came next to my dad and stroked my hair, speaking, “My little crow have grown into such a beautiful and powerful young lady.” My father scoffed, knowing full well that I would not accept such a title, and spoke in the soothing voice I’d so longed to hear, “Kitten, we’re sorry we weren’t able to be there for you like real parents, but we never left your side, not once.”

Gripping them both harder, I whispered, “If you were here the whole time, why couldn’t I see you all the time? I alway needed you both, even if I am a Demon-Reaper Wizardess.”

Smiling down at me, my father replied, “Silly kitten. You know full well that the dead resides on a different plane, with the exception of those who cannot or chooses not to move on. It doesn't mean that we aren't with you all the time. Especially not with part of ourselves inside of you.”

“I missed you so much. Do you have to leave again?”

“Who says we ever did? Happy birthday, little kitten,” my father lovingly said as he and my mother hugged me tightly. I closed my eyes to take in as much of them as I could. The tightness of the hug faded away, but the warmth never did. When I finally opened my eyes, they were gone, replaced by dancing lights that soon became faint as the song came to a close. Turning to Klaus, the rude brainiac who could be very sweet at times, I was met with a warm smile and kind eyes. Unable to hold myself back, I punched him in the arm before giving him a hug. “What was that for?”

“You made me cry. I don't like crying,” I replied with a smirk on my face. Rolling his eyes, he took his arms and wrapped them securely around my waist. Pulling me closer, he whispered sweet nothings into my ear before finally speaking in a nervous voice, “Ania, I want to ask you something. I’ve been meaning to ask for a while, but now, I cannot delay any longer.”

Klaus is NERVOUS? That’s unusual. He’s normally calm and composed, even in dire situations. He’s starting to worry me... What question could he possibly have that he’s been waiting to ask? I stared at him, waiting for him to keep talking. After a moment of awkward silence, he finally got the hint that I was waiting for him to ask whatever was on his mind. “Well…”

“Well?” I was starting to get impatient. And then, out of nowhere, Klaus kneeled on one knee only for him to pull out a small black box. Huh? He opened it, revealing an amethyst gold ring, and asked the last question I expected to come out of his mouth, “Anyia Kai Lainey Michaelis, will you marry me?” Wait a minute… WHAT?!?!

I was completely thrown off track. He’s not that good at keeping secrets from me! How could I have been so oblivious to this? Unless.... Looking out of the corner of my eye, I noticed two shadows, one fairly shorter than the other, standing in the trees. The tall shadow appeared to be snickering, whereas the other calmly walked up to the tall shadow and smacked him on the back of the head, only for said figure to kiss the shadow. Oh, Tiva. Of course Klaus asked for your help. At least she finally manned up enough to kiss Luca. Once I realized Klaus was still in front of me, I quickly looked back at him, nervously awaiting my answer.

I finally answered, “Yes.”

Sighing in relief, Klaus stood slipped the ring on my finger and pulled me to him with a smile. Peeking from the ring to his god-like features, I asked, “Are you sure you can handle me? I mean, I am a sadistic demon after all, Oh, and I forgot to mention that I'm also part Reaper.” Letting out a soft chuckle, Klaus replied, “Love, if I didn't think I could, I wouldn't have considered proposing in the first place.” Smiling widely, Klaus pulled me against his chest and laid a playful kiss to my neck, then to my lips.

This was One Hell of an Engagement on this Hallow’s Eve night.

[maevworldny]

Mornings Around Here: With our cover stars Shelby and Lyria

Welcome back to our series on morning routines where we highlight women around the city and talk to them about what their morning routines look like with their dog. No two mornings are alike and they shouldn’t be! A lot of people hope that dogs will help to bring routine and structure into our lives, to bring joy into mornings, to get up early, to lounge a little longer - whatever it is, it’s your sacred ritual. It’s designed to fit your life and your dogs’s. We’re just here to show how many different faces it can take on.

This week, we chatted with our cover girl Shelby about life in New York with her amazingly calm and confident rescue Lyria. When we met them on set, it quicky became clear their relationship is pure magic. Honestly honored to have them in our shoot and to know them as poeple in our lives. Let’s get into it.

Shelby and Lyria

“Lyria compliments my interior aesthetic, funny enough. My whole apartment is white and pink and so is she.”

How long have you been in New York?

I’ve been living in New York City for almost ten years, which kind of feels like forever.

You’re an interior designer here in the city. Can you tell us a bit about how you got into that and what the day to day is like?

I moved to the city to attend interior design school at the fashion institute. It was a very rigorous but rewarding program which prepared me for the “real world” of design. When I graduated, I worked at a small hospitality design firm of five and traveled abroad a lot designing hotels in Paris and Berlin. I stayed at the firm for less than a year because the hours were insane. Since then I’ve been on the in-house interiors team at a large coworking firm. The firm I’m at is incredible with some of the most innovative minds I’ve come across in New York. It’s been wonderful and because of the fast pace of projects I’ve been able to see twelve projects that I designed come to life in the last three and a half years.

What do you love most about what you do?

I love watching people’s reactions to my designs. When people move into the spaces I created, hearing them express awe and wonder over my work is the most rewarding. Being able to play a part in how people live and work, and making a difference in people’s day to day lives is the best.

Interior design requires a pretty creative mind - where do you go when you’re looking for inspiration in both your professional and personal life? 

When I’m craving a dose of creativity I usually end up at a used book store. Vintage books on architecture and interiors are so cool. Right now I’m really into 80s interiors. Truly, everything comes back into style after enough time has passed - kind of like fashion.

You told us on set that you love monochromatic looks and looser fitting clothing. What’s your style inspiration and how has your style evolved over time?

My style has gone through so many weird phases. In college I was a bit of a hippie and only wore massive grandma sweaters and floor length skirts. That eventually transformed into the typical all black New York ensemble. From that I really dove into menswear, inspired by an ex of mine who owned a skate shop and was constantly giving me old clothes. Lately I’m super into monochromatic looks, it’s easy to create a daily uniform that way. Currently really digging the all brown carhartt vibes. I stick to shopping in the men’s section, I think that habit is with me for life now.

We were lucky enough to meet Lyria on set and she is honestly the chillest, calmest dog. So chill in fact, that she was willing to sit in a tote bag on the subway on the way to the shoot despite not being a compact size whatsoever. When did you first decide to get a dog and how did you go about that process?

I’ve grown up with dogs in my family my whole life. I’ve always known I wanted to get a dog someday but knew I had to have enough space and enough money to care for a living creature. Let’s be real, having a dog in New York is basically like having a small child. I am fortunate enough to have found an amazing apartment in Brooklyn that I can afford on my own. Once I settled into my spot and saved up money for a while, I went to an adoption event for Pupstarz rescue in Union Square. I had sent in my information and was preapproved to adopt. I had my eye on a tiny chihuahua until I got there and saw Lyria. And that was it! I knew she was going to be mine.

I called Lyria the chillest dog ever. Is that accurate or was that all for show that day? How would you describe her personality?

Lyria has so much personality. She’s super chill around new people, every time I have friends over they’re always shocked by how mellow and zen she is. However, whenever we are alone she’s her true self. She follows me everywhere and has a case or two of the zoomies every day - especially if I give her a bone. She won’t chew it for at least a half hour because she spends that time running around it like a maniac. When she gets really excited it’s my favorite thing to watch.

Lyria is a really unique name. What was the inspiration behind it?

Lyria was given a name by the rescue, Leria. Her foster mom was calling her Elinor, which I didn’t think suited her. I researched into the name Leria, apparently it’s the name of a minor character in Star Wars. I liked the name a lot but not the spelling, so I changed the E to a Y. It really suits her but is tricky to enunciate to new people.

I have to say, you guys are a perfect fit - you just make sense together. In what ways do you think the two of you complement one another?

Lyria best compliments my interior aesthetic, funny enough. My whole apartment is white and pink and so is she. It was meant to be!! On a more serious note, I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety since I was a teenager. Lyria has been instrumental in my mental health journey. She is always by my side, ready to walk or play or just take a nap. She’s always thrilled when I come home, she’s a loyal companion. She compliments me in every way, I couldn’t ask for a better match.

Lyria’s not a tote bag dog by any measure. What’s been the hardest part of having her with you in New York City? 

The hardest part of having her in the city is the inability to just walk into stores and shop or go into a restaurant and eat. Mobility is a huge issue, and people are still hesitant of her breed. We spend so much time wandering around, and I wish I could take her more places and expose her to more things. Unfortunately, New York isn’t very dog friendly. Taking her on the train is a whole process, and there are very few places she can attend with me that aren’t completely dog centered.

What are some of your favorite activities to do together on weekends or when you have a bit more time on your hands?

I love getting her together with her best friend, Ruby. Ruby is also a pit mix rescue and the two of them run around the apartment like wild banshees. I also like bringing her to the Brooklyn Cider House or Sage because she can meet new people and be exposed to new things. We also participate in a neighborhood “pack walk” called the Bushwick Dog Pack. There are a lot of rescues who need socialization and doing a pack walk exposes them to other dogs in a safe environment. We also spend a lot of time at a local park in the summer. I bring a big blanket and a book and Lyria immediately knows it’s time to chill and enjoy the sunshine. We spend hours in that park just chilling.

What time do the two of you wake up every morning?

We wake up between 7am and 10am. Usually more around the 7am mark.

Are you guys early birds or night owls?

We are night owls, mostly because I’m not a morning person. But the best thing is she doesn’t ask me to have long conversations in the morning - makes being a morning person easier.

Does she sleep in your bed?

Yes! She sleeps in my bed. It’s the best. I think she thinks my bed is actually her bed.

What's the first thing you do every day? 

The first thing I do every day is rub her belly. She likes to be woken up that way and it’s such a calm, happy start to a day. 

And what's the first thing you two do together every day?

The first thing we do together everyday is eat breakfast and take a walk. We have a good routine down, it helps her to understand if it’s a work day and I’m leaving for a while, or if it’s a weekend and we are gonna have more time to hang together.

What's for breakfast?

I usually have a coffee and that’s it.. not a huge breakfast person. She eats dog food and I drizzle salmon oil on it if I’m feeling lazy. If not she gets chicken too.

Walk before or after breakfast?

We walk after breakfast. If she doesn’t eat prior, she is more keen on the Brooklyn street snacks people leave around

What do you listen to while getting ready for the day?

I usually listen to podcasts while I’m getting ready. It’s a chill way to get my mind started before work.

Healthiest morning habit: 

Healthiest morning routine would probably be the walking aspect. I like to have a quick coffee and be out the door.

Worst morning habit: 

Worst morning habit is the no breakfast part, I’m sure

One word to describe your mornings:

 My mornings are quick and routine. Not much changes during the weekday. On a weekend it’s better because we go on extensive walks and stop at a local coffee shop, Brooklyn Kava, and take our sweet time doing nothing in particular.

I never leave home without…

If I’m with her I never leave home without training treats. They’re an integral part of her perfect behavior ;). If it’s just me I never leave home without headphones. Nothing like a sunny walk listening to good music.

If you had one extra hour in the morning, how would you use it?

If I had an extra hour in the morning I’d sleep in.

The best part of mornings with my dog is: 

The best part of my morning with Lyri is first waking up, being warm and cozy under the covers and snuggling. She’s the best snuggler.

Our morning routine series is designed to showcase the diversity of experiences that come with having a dog in the city in all the ups and all the downs.

If you and your dog would like to be featured, text ‘ritual’ to 29071

[whatthepasthasmade]

What the Past Has Made- Chapter 3

The tunnel they were running through was devoid of light, the walls made of purple muck that was seemingly alive. Uryu glanced behind them, alarmed to see the walls closing in.

“Don’t look now but the section we just came through is collapsing on us. I’m running as fast as I can, but I don’t think we’re going to make it through.”

“We’ll make it,” Chiharu pressed, running, almost literally, on Yoruichi’s tail.

The cat didn’t turn around as he snapped, “Quit looking behind you, and concentrate your efforts on running. If the restrictive current swallows you up, then it’s all over!”

Uryu gave a grunt as the restrictive current grabbed the back of his cape, hauling him backwards. Chiharu turned and caught the Quincy’s hands. She pulled with all her strength, but couldn’t free him.

“Damn it, Uryu, it’s got your fucking cape!”

Ichigo reached for his Zanpakuto, “I knew that stupid outfit of his was going to get him caught!”

“Hold it!” Yoruichi ordered, halting Ichigo’s movement, “The restrictive current entangles the spiritual body. If you reveal yourself using your Zanpakuto, it’ll swallow you too. Chiharu, let him go and run!”

“No way!” Chiharu grunted. She felt large hands pick her up and she found herself deposited behind Chad, who literally ripped Uryu’s cape from his back.

“Thanks for that, Chad.”

“Let’s go,” Chad hoisted Uryu over one shoulder, pushing Chiharu to make her start running again.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Uryu shouted, doing his best not to flail around so he didn’t fall, “Hey, put me down, will you, I can run on my own!” He froze, seeing the sides of the tunnel converging. “I don’t mean to bother you while you’re running, but,” a light began to shine through the muck, “Something else is coming.” A large, train shaped form emerged, and Uryu yelped, “Yoruichi, what is that?!”

“The Cleaner, it comes through the passage every seven days to clear it. It’s just our bad luck that today’s the day.” Seeing Ichigo about to glance back, he snapped, “Don’t look at it, it’ll only slow you down! Just keep running or it will crush you to powder! Go! Go! We’re almost to the exit!”

“We’re not going to make it!” Uryu warned. The Cleaner was almost touching his face.

“We’ll make it, we’ll make it!” Chiharu chanted, putting on a final burst of speed. Orihime looked at her friends and frowned, turning to face the Cleaner, hands at her hair-pins.

“Hinagiku, Baigon, Lily! Santen Kesshun, I reject!” The pins shined, and three beams of light turned into small beings, which formed a triangular shield. The Cleaner hit the shield, and the force of it pushed all of them out through the opening of the gate.

They landed hard in the center of a dirt road. Orihime blinked, seeing that only Chad had landed semi-correctly. Yoruichi was flat on his back, sprawled out. Uryu was face down, ass up, Chiharu had landed upside-down against a wall like she was doing a headstand, and Ichigo had landed on his back with his feet over his head.

“Is everyone alright?” Orihime asked, watching Chiharu flip herself right side up, brushing her skirt down with a dark blush on her pale face. “Sorry, Chiharu.”

“Huh?” She blinked her blue eyes and waved the apology away, “It’s no big deal, Orihime!”

“I’m glad we made it through the gate, but I had no idea it would take such a toll on my equipment,” Uryu groaned, sitting up. He pulled a new cape out from inside his rather pompous white and blue jacket. “I wasn’t expecting to have to use my spare cape so soon.”

“Don’t tell me he brought a change of clothes!” Ichigo sighed.

“Guys, isn’t this great? We made it through the gate and everyone’s okay!” Orihime spoke up again. Yoruichi was quick to headbutt the poor girl right in the face. “My eye!”

“I told you not to use your spiritual powers in there. We’re fortunate the Cleaner only made contact with the shield area. If it had even touched any part of the six flowers themselves, we’d all be dead, now.”

“Lighten up, Yoruichi,” Chiharu suggested, helping Orihime onto her feet. “It’s only because of her that we even made it through the gate.”

“I don’t think any of you appreciate just how serious the situation is!” The cat snapped.

“Listen,” Uryu said suddenly, cutting off Chiharu’s response, “Doesn’t it seem too quiet?”

“Yeah,” Ichigo agreed, narrowing his eyes at the old-style buildings and the empty dirt streets. “Is this really the Soul Society?”

“Yes,” Yoruichi confirmed, “And the specific area we’re in is called the Rukon District. It’s where souls come to stay when they first arrive, and it’s right on the perimeter of the Seireitei where the Soul Reapers live. It’s got the biggest population of souls in Soul Society.”

“Hey, look at those buildings over there.” Ichigo pointed to the cleaner, more expensive looking buildings in the distance. “Why do they look so different?”

“Forget about that,” Yoruichi ordered.

“I bet that’s where all the Soul Reapers are!” Ichigo realized, and began running off towards the gates. “Alright, you Soul Reapers, here I come!”

“Ichigo!” Chiharu protested, running after him, “We can’t just run up there!”

There was a rumble, and then a series of loud crashing noises as walls seemed to appear from nowhere and separate the Rukon from the Seireitei. Ichigo grunted as debris rained down on him. He coughed to dispel the dust from his lungs, feeling Chiharu crash into his back. His arm came back to grab her waist to keep her from toppling over.

“Well, well,” a loud, deep voice mused, “it’s been a long time since anyone tried to pass through the Spirit Gates without a travel permit.” Ichigo felt Chiharu grab his Shihakusho, and turned to look at her over his shoulder. Her head was tilted almost all the way back, mouth dropped open in shock, eyes wide. He turned back around and gasped. The speaker was huge. Like a literal, massive giant, and he was looking right at them with narrowed eyes and a smirk. “And I don’t get many guests these days. So welcome to you, tiny children.”

At their horror struck faces, the giant let out a booming laugh. Ichigo’s shock quickly turned to annoyance.

“What the hell are you laughing at?” He took one step forward, and the giant let out a yell and pulled out an ax made to his size and slammed the end of the handle into the ground, sending more debris and dust flying. Ichigo was forced to retreat and cover Chiharu, despite knowing she could handle herself. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” Chiharu nodded, gripping the hilt of her Zanpakuto tight. “How do you want to go about this, Ichigo?”

His answer was instantaneous, “I’ll take care of it, but stay close.”

“Right,” she loosened her grip on her weapon. “Well, good luck.”

“Yeah.”

“Whenever you’re ready, give it all you got, little man,” the giant said, pointing his ax at Ichigo, seeing that the pair had decided the order in which they would take him on.

Behind the pair of Soul Reapers, the rest of their group was watching with worry.

“He’s a leviathan,” Uryu observed, “What sort of creature do you suppose he is, anyway? He’s too big to be a human.”

“He is known simply as Jidanbo. He was chosen from among the very best warriors the Soul Society has. His task is to guard the Hakuto Gate, one of four entrances that make up the Spirit Gate.”

“He’s the guard?” Uryu repeated, “If we intend to get through this gate it looks like we have no choice but to beat him.”

“That won’t be an easy task. In the 300 years Jidanbo has served at this post, countless invaders have tried, but not a single one has ever broken through the Hakuto Gate. Jidanbo has become a legend of power and strength.”

“How in the world are we meant to defeat someone like that?”

“That’s where your intelligence and creativity come in. The first thing we need to do is have a meeting to decide on a strategy. Ichigo, Chiharu, let’s start with-” The cat let out a yelp, seeing Chad and Orihime running in the direction of Chiharu and Ichigo. “No! Come back here! Have you lost your minds?”

“Hmm,” Jidanbo noticed the two running, and brought down his ax. He dragged it along the ground, causing a large wall of stone to crop up, separating the group.

“He’s not only huge,” Uryu breathed, “he’s insane!”

“You two need to work on your manners,” Jidanbo scolded, “What are you, country bumpkins, or something? We’re civilized in this city. Here are the rules; Rule number one, always wash your hands before you sit down to eat. Rule number two, don’t eat food that’s fallen on the floor. Rule three, battles in the city are always fought one-on-one. Now, there were two that came up to challenge me, but the kid with the spiky orange hair was the one who decided to continue, so he shall be my first opponent.” He jerked his head down to look at Chiharu, still on his side of the wall. “I trust you won’t break rule number three, little girl.”

Chad turned to Orihime, holding up his fist. “Orihime, I’m going to wait for the right opportunity, and then punch a big hole through this wall. As soon as it’s open, you aim Tsubaki at the big guy through the opening.”

“What was that?” Jidanbo turned around to glare at Chad, “Don’t tell me you two are still plotting schemes over there.”

“Even his ears are powerful,” Orihime muttered, and Chad’s shoulders slumped in defeat.

“Orihime!” Ichigo’s voice called from his side of the wall, “Chat! Are you there?”

“Ichigo!” Orihime moved closer to the wall, eyes lighting up at the sound of Ichigo’s voice. “Yes, we’re here! Is Chiharu alright?”

“Yeah! We’re still alive and kicking!”

“We’re coming to help you! Just stay right there!”

“Well, here’s the thing,” It was Chiharu speaking this time. “You guys should just stay put and let Ichigo handle this.”

“What? But this is too big a job-”

“Relax!” Chiharu leaned back against the stone, turning her head slightly to face it. “Just wait there, it’ll be just fine.”

“I refuse to do that!” Uryu snapped, as he joined Chad and Orihime.

“You tell ‘em, Uryu!” Orihime cheered.

“Ichigo, we can’t afford to wait around. Instead of wasting time battling Jidanbo individually, we’ve gotta attack together and get past this gate.”

Ichigo frowned in confusion, coming to stand next to Chiharu. “You’re here too, Uryu?”

Chiharu covered her mouth to hide her snickering. “He’s been here this whole time, moron.”

“It’s just like you to waste time and energy on stupid comments, Ichigo!”

“Oh, shut up, you’re giving me a headache.”

“Can you defeat him, Ichigo?” Chad wondered, his voice lower than normal.

“Probably,” Ichigo replied, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Probably?!” Uryu screeched, pounding on the stone hard enough to send vibrations up Chiharu’s back. “What’s wrong with you? Don’t you understand this is a life or death situation we’re in, here?!”

“Look, don’t worry about it, alright!” Ichigo snapped.

“How can I not worry, Ichigo?!”

“I’ll tell you an interesting little story. Remember when I was training with Mr. Hat and Clogs? He said it was going to take ten days for my Soul Reaper powers to be completely restored. But as it turned out, it only took me five days. What do you think I did with my extra five days?”

“Knowing you, probably goofing off.”

Ichigo chose to ignore the comment. “Me, Chiharu and Urahara fought the whole time, for so long, nonstop for five days and nights. It was an all out war between the three of us.”

“I see,” Uryu realized, “So you learned a bunch of new fighting techniques, right?”

“Wrong again, Uryu!” Chiharu chimed, as Ichigo walked away from her, towards Jidanbo. “We weren’t trying to teach him anything about fighting. What we wanted was for Ichigo to have tremendous strength and stamina.”

Ichigo grabbed Zangetsu’s hilt and the bandages around it’s blade unraveled. Jidanbo looked down upon him with a sneer.

“You done with your speeches, now, boy?”

“Look, pal, I never asked you to wait,” Ichigo grumbled. “So you could have attacked at any time, right?”

“So you’re a country bumpkin after all, eh? Didn’t your folks teach you any manners? When someone is polite enough to wait for you,” he began to raise his ax in the air, “you should say thank you!” He brought the ax down on Ichigo with enough force to send yet more dust and debris flying through the air, making Chiharu cover her face with her arms. Even over the wall, Chad, Orihime and Uryu needed to protect their faces from the shockwave.

“This can’t be good!” Uryu grunted.

“Huh?!” Jidanbo was shocked to see that Ichigo had blocked his strike, holding off the ax with Zangetsu as though both massive blades weighed nothing. “Who are you, spiky head?”

“I’m no expert, but isn’t it also bad manners to attack before your opponent is ready?” Ichigo asked, eyes narrowed.

Jidanbo grumbled, then shut his eyes, before throwing back his head with a booming laugh that sent shivers down Chiharu’s spine. The air leaving the giants lungs produced a gust of wind that made Ichigo step back, his shihakusho and Chiharu’s clothes ruffled.

“He’s...laughing...” Chad observed, face pinched in worry.

“You’re gutsy, I’ll give you that, spiky head!” Jidanbo said, still grinning. “I can’t remember the last time someone was able to stop the thrust of my ax.” Chuckling, he stood to his full height, and Ichigo’s head tipped back, realizing the giant had been sitting this whole time.

“I- You- what the fuck?!” Chiharu’s voice was shrill as she, too, stared up at the monster of a man.

“This is going to be fun! For once I’ll be able to give it everything I have.” He looked down on Ichigo with a certain amount of respect, “Of all the intruders who have tried to get through this gate, there have only been two who were able to stop my first thrust. But that is where the story ends, because neither they nor you could ever hope to fend off my second thrust!”

The ax slammed down once more, and again, Ichigo blocked it. Jidanbo’s smile just grew wider as he pulled back for another attack. “Jidan Ten-Strike Festival! One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Seven!” With each number, he brought his ax down on Ichigo, but nothing seemed to touch the orange haired Soul Reaper. “Uh...Seven! Eight! Twelve! Nine! Wait, I’ve never had to count this high before, but I must be at Ten by now! So, it’s time to finish this! Hyah!” He brought his ax towards Ichigo with one long sweeping motion that sliced away the top of the rock wall.

“Got him, I think. ” Jidanbo looked to see that the place Chiharu had been standing had been decimated by his swing. “Oops, I got the little girl too.”

His ears perked up as feminine giggling drifted up from within the dust cloud. As it cleared, his eyes widened upon seeing Ichigo standing there, blocking the ax, with Chiharu doubled over in laughter beside him, having flashstepped to Ichigo’s side in the brief pause between Jidanbo’s last count and final swing.

“What? How can you still be standing after that attack spikey head?!” Jidanbo wailed.

“I agree, it doesn’t seem possible,” Uryu murmured. Beside him, Orihime was overjoyed.

“But they’re still alright!”

“Chiharu,” Ichigo spoke, voice soft and low. She smiled at him.

“Fine, fine.” She flashstepped away, vanishing from Ichigo’s side and reappearing again at Chad’s. “Good luck!”

“Now I understand,” Chad murmured. “What Ichigo gained from his training wasn’t fighting skills, and it wasn’t strength and stamina, either.”

“Hmm?” Chiharu looked up at him, squinting her eyes to see him through the blazing of the sun above. “Yeah, that’s right. Before, with Captain Kuchiki and his Lieutenant, Ichigo was lacking experience, so he lost. Now that he’s gained that...Well...”

“Are you finished, Gatekeeper?” Ichigo called out to Jidanbo, determination written all over his face.

“He’s going to be unstoppable...” Chad breathed. Chiharu grinned proudly.

“Cuz if you are, it’s my turn, now!”

“....So powerful, it’s scary.”

“I’m not done!” Jidanbo cried, reaching into his shihakusho and pulling out another ax. “I’m not done, I just need to get more weaponry!”

“He’s got another ax!” Uryu gasped. Chiharu’s blue eyes widened and she took a step back towards Ichigo.

“My ultimate attack!” Jidanbo flexed, his entire face turning red with exertion. “Jidan Banzai Strike Festival!” He started to bring his weapons down on Ichigo, but the teens expression never changed.

“Sorry, pal, but I’m going to destroy those axes!” Ichigo turned Zangetsu so the blade was facing Jidanbo, and with a flare of his Spiritual Pressure and a grunt, Ichigo slashed. The axes shattered on impact and Jidanbo fell back onto his behind, sliding back towards the gated. Rubble and dust once more went flying through the air. Orihime activated her shield just in time to stop them from getting hit.

After finally skidding to a stop, Jidanbo sat up with a groan. His already wide eyes had widened even more, shock written all over his features..

“W-What?”

“Wow! If I hadn’t seen it, I wouldn’t have believed it! Ichigo just sent that giant flying!”

“Of course he did, Uryu,” Chiharu had relaxed the instant the axes shattered, “Ichigo’s improvement rate is even higher than mine. He’s only been officially training for a week and he’s already at my level. I’ve been at it for eleven years.” The now familiar shock that went through her when she realized this wasn’t true made her shake her head. “Or...All my life, apparently.

Uryu’s brows furrowed and he opened his mouth to question that, but Jidanbo took that moment to jump to his feet. The giant was grinning, obviously having the time of his life.

“Wow, you almost got me that time. I can’t believe I slipped and fell on my behind. It’s been a long time since that happened.” Jidanbo opened his eyes and noticed Ichigo’s face contorted in a confusion and disbelief. “What’s that look on your face for? You didn’t think you were the one who sent me flying backwards, did you?” He chuckled. “You should really know better than that, but it’s typical of a country bumpkin like you to believe that a Gatekeeper like me could be blown away so easily.” He brought the handles of his broken axes up, as though preparing to attack. “All I have to do is make one more swing with my mighty ax, and-”

And finally, Jidanbo noticed his weapons were broken. He groaned, hands shaking. Yoruichi smirked, leaping up to sit on one of the broken blades, which was imbedded into the ground. “It appears Jidanbo’s mighty axes have been modified, somewhat.”

Chiharu giggled, walking to Ichigo’s side, taking care to avoid the rubble around her.

“Well?” Ichigo threw Zangetsu over his shoulder carefully, and wrapped one arm around Chiharu’s shoulders when she reached him. “Are you going to say something, or just stand there?”

Jidanbo whimpered, “My axes,” huge tears appeared in his eyes. “My axes, ruined!” He sat down and began hitting the ground, wailing, “Why did you have to do it! Why did you have to...why did you-” with each impact of his fists on the ground, Chiharu and Ichigo were knocked off balance. “Why did you have to destroy my beautiful babies?! Why?!”

Chiharu and Ichigo shared a look, having a silent debate. Ichigo’s eyes narrowed and Chiharu’s head dropped as she sighed. She took a careful step forward when Jidanbo stopped pounding on the ground, and patted him on his huge head.

“It’s okay, Jidanbo,” she soothed the crying giant. “I’m sure we can get your axes fixed!”

He sniffled, fat tears still falling from his eyes as he looked to the ground.“You think so?”

“Yeah!” She gave him a grin, continuing to pat his head.

“Hey,” Ichigo rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, “Sorry about your axes and everything, but I couldn’t let you keep swinging them at me, could I? Although I guess I could have just destroyed one of them, and let you keep the other one...My bad...”

“No, you’re not bad,” Jidanbo finally looked up, “Even though you’re my enemy, you care. Instead of thinking of only your quest, and getting through the gate, you’re actually concerned for your opponent and his axes! You even let your girlfriend within striking range just so she can comfort me! What a good person you are, my spikey headed enemy.”

“I’m not his-”

“Girlfriend?” Ichigo snorted, looking away, face mildly disgusted. “As if.”

“Ex...cuse me?” Chiharu asked, shooting him a look. Ichigo noticed her aura darken considerably, and tensed. With a nervous laugh, he waved a hand in front of his face.

“As if I could ever be good enough for someone like Chiharu.”

Chiharu rolled her eyes, then turned back to Jidanbo. “You alright, now, big guy?”

“I’m a total loser,” Jidanbo sighed. “Not only has your spikey headed leader defeated me as Gatekeeper, he’s defeated me as a man, as well. It’s been 300 years since I became the keeper of the Hakudo Gate. And in all those years, never have I lost a challenge, or allowed anyone to pass this way. I thought this day would never come, but I have been defeated.” He rubbed his tears away and sniffled one last time, before straightening himself out. “Therefore I, Jidanbo, hereby grant you passage through the Hakudo Gate.”

“Huh?” Ichigo blinked, then grinned. “Whoa, cool!”

“You’re allowing all of us to pass?” Uryu clarified, as the rest of the group joined them.

“That’s right. I was decisively defeated in battle by your leader. As a result, I have no right to stop anyone in your group.”

“What?! Who ever said anything about Ichigo being our leader! Absolutely not!”

“It’s no big deal, but why are you so upset, Uryu?”

“Give it a rest, guys, will ‘ya?” Chiharu sighed, putting a hand to her head.

“So your name is Ichigo, huh, spikey head?” Jidanbo grinned, looking down on the group.

“That’s right. I’m Ichigo Kurosaki.”

“That’s a pretty cute name for someone who seems to take himself so seriously, don’t you think?” At Jidanbo’s words, Chiharu snorted and laughed out loud, unable to hold it in.

Instantly, Ichigo was enraged. “My name is not cute! ‘Ichi’ means number one, and ‘Go’ stands for guardian and that’s what I am!”

“Yeah whatever. You take care, now.” Jidanbo turned and placed a hand on the Gate, a contemplative look on his face. “I don’t know why you’re so determined to pass into the Seireitei, but those on the other side are all very strong.”

“We’re aware of that,” Chiharu informed. Ichigo nodded, smirking. Jidanbo looked between them, then at the rest of the group, and he nodded as well.

“As long as you think you know what you’re getting into.” He crouched and dug his fingers under the gate. “This won’t be easy, of course. It’s been closed a long time.” With much grunting, Jidanbo slowly pushed the Gate up, all the way above his head.

“Amazing!” Ichigo breathed.

“How can someone lift something so heavy?” Orihime agreed.

“Something’s wrong,” Chiharu stated, realizing Jidanbo had completely frozen. She moved to stand next to him, and when she saw the silver haired man standing on the other side, she froze too. The smile on that man’s face, paired with the barely open, slitted eyes, reminded her of a snake, or a fox, and his aura was almost bloodthirsty, but this wasn’t the reason she couldn’t move. The feeling in her chest and gut told her she knew this man.

“Hey, what’s wrong, you two? Why are you frozen like that?” He saw the man too, and narrowed his eyes. “Hm. Who is that?”

“That is none other than the Captain of Squad Three, Gin Ichimaru.”

Upon hearing the name, Chiharu recoiled as though struck, eyes rolling back into her head, and she dropped like a stone as her world went black.

[maychorian]

Weekly Voltron Fic Recs #25

Rules: You can find past weekly rec lists here, and non-list recs in my general fic rec tag. This is stuff I like, and I have a huge bias toward Lance, hurt/comfort, and general fluff, in that order. Gen unless otherwise noted. Please comment on the fics if you read and enjoy them!

Happy quarter life to this ridiculous feature. I need to stop procastinating on these.

The Lion at the End of the Tunnel by Outworld Words: 3,488 Author’s Summary: Pidge bites off more than she can chew in an act of grand space piracy gone wrong. Aboard a dying starship with few options, she's starting to think this might be her last mistake until she discovers a certain idiot has done something very stupid. My Comments: Tagged Lance/Pidge but reads platonic. This is a great action fic with perfect character voices. I love these two together so very, very much.

Truce by kyanve Words: 42,709 (WIP 7/?) Author’s Summary: "EVERYONE SHOULD BE ABLE TO SEE IN EVERYONE ELSE'S HEADHOLES!" - because that feels like one of a few things that needs exploring.The new team can be a perfectly good one, but the odds of finding any five people who don't know each other THAT well who'll be thrilled with being mentally linked to giant sapient mechanical god-beasts and each other is basically nonexistent. It's a recipe for whacking heads into it, avoiding it, trying to pretend it's not there, and generally making an already awkward train wreck of a situation more awkward and confusing.Keith as main PoV because I would go insane doing this from more than one PoV and it would turn into more of a novel than it's already looking like it'll be, and who better to explore "sudden unasked for mental links to other beings" than someone with abandonment issues and trust issues everywhere *and* a few good big secrets?This starts around beginning of canon and I have parts to clean up and post going all the way through Season 2; it's weaving through almost entirely off-camera things and side events. Spoilers bloody everywhere. My Comments: REALLY fun missing scene-type fic with a great Keith perspective. It’s FUN and it does a great job of fleshing everyone out, and there are some truly fantastic ideas. I’m really enjoying this one.

Little Lions by MidnightCreator Words: 5,111 (WIP 3/6) Author’s Summary: Lance has a very bad day and his only upside is the comfort from the Blue Lion. The Blue Lion knows her Pilot needs her so she takes steps to be as close as she can be to him. Her actions set off a chain reaction amongst the other Lions as they all step up to be there for their Pilots. My Comments: SO CUTE. I love lions-as-actual-lions, and this is especially good because the lions just want to make their pilots feel better. So it’s tiny lion shenanigans and oodles of H/C. MY FAVE COMBO.

Masks by TiedyedTrickster Words: 9,588 Author’s Summary: Everyone has a mask, one that tells the world what character you're destined to play in life, that tells people who you are. Except Lance's mask doesn't match him at all, and it's driving Keith nuts. My Comments: This is SUCH a creative and original concept. I’ve never seen anything like it, and it’s so, so cool. Starts out Lance-centric, but there’s lots of other stuff in there too, like fantastic Shiro and Keith and also REBEL MATT. Check it out!

An Unexpected Hero by nerdiekatie Words: 2,102 Author’s Summary: “You tapped my knife to a Roomba? Where did you even get a Roomba?” Keith starts to peel his knife from the Roomba while Pidge is speaking. “She’s an old cleaning droid I found- Keith, no!” Pidge lunges forward to stop him. Keith just lifts the Roomba above his head, watching Pidge try to jump high enough to get her. “She needs to be able to defend herself!” My Comments: This fandom has only the HIGHEST quality crack.

our native land draws all of us by SerenePanic Words: 1,037 Author’s Summary: Coran is many things: advisor, mechanic, historian.Once, he was a father. My Comments: My heart hurts. I love Coran so much.

De-Stressing by The_Sickfic_Sideblog for pinstripedJackalope Words: 1,642 Author’s Summary: Keith is very stressed out. Pidge knows how to handle this. Set relatively close after The Blade of Marmora. My Comments: This is really sweet, and I love how cool and competent Pidge is while Keith is falling apart. She really knows how to get past his defenses, and it’s lovely to see.

Qualifications by The_Sickfic_Sideblog Words: 1,340 Author’s Summary: Pidge gets dehydrated, and the effects bring up sour memories. My Comments: I would say “protect her,” but I think her team has that well in hand.

Ice Ice (Baby) by shishiswordsman Words: 12,707 (WIP 2/?) Author’s Summary: The Blue Pilot's shoes become too big for Lance to fill. Literally. (Yes, it's a kidfic. Sue me.) My Comments: LOVE. De-aged Lance is quite realistic, and there’s beautiful, amazing art for every chapter, too! I am STOKED for more.

Skirt, Dirt, Worth by ardett Words: 6,354 Author’s Summary: Lance wants to see Pidge wear skirts and makeup. (But really he doesn’t.) My Comments: This made me ache, but there’s a lot of loveliness and courage in here, too. Lance needs love and acceptance so much, and it takes some work, but his team is able to give him that.

It Takes a Village by Zemmiphobia Words: 18,010 Author’s Summary: One decision by an injured soldier changes not only the fate of the universe, but the fate of her young son. My Comments: Thace/Ulaz. I adore this characterization of the Blade, especially Ulaz as a scientist who is very smart and methodical, but also has almost too much heart and compassion. Baby Keith is perfect, and I was very satisfied with the ending, though I’m happy there are more stories in the series, too.

Lost in the Stars by WingedChickadee Words: 3,440 (WIP 3/?) Author’s Summary: They didn't see him. They didn't see the lion falling quickly towards the planet's surface through the debris of broken Galra ships. They heard his shout of pain and shock, but not what happened. Six people all assumed he made it back to the castle, they didn't notice the missing paladin. No one noticed. Not a batted eye or turn of a head.When the paladin wakes up, he is injured and alone. Now, he has to try and survive until he can find a way home. My Comments: Oh no, LANCE. This is very well-written and scary, and I really need more.

lost & found by luoup (ravenic) Words: 7,006 Author’s Summary: The wormhole has been rent apart by Haggar’s magic, and the Paladins are lost. My Comments: Really lovely little fic. A well-done take on the post-season 1 scenario, with an excellent conclusion that made me happy-sigh.

Under Pressure, I Break by Emerald_Ashes Words: 2,728 Author’s Summary: Lance was more hurt than he let on after their visit to the water planet where the wormhole spat them out. His injuries are aggravated further during their fight with Ulaz, and then the Robeast. When it finally becomes apparent just how injured he is, Hunk can only blame himself. My Comments: Hance. I love love LOVE the focus on Hunk in this fic. Though Lance is the one physically hurt, Hunk is the one who needs to be loved and reassured. Lovely little fic.

Go the Fuck to Sleep by nerdiekatie Words: 1,745 Author’s Summary: He’s glad the paladins only have a low-level telepathic connection. Shiro is one hundred percent sure that if he could everything Pidge is feeling, he would be on his ass. As it is, Shiro has the distinction impression that Pidge can see time and taste shapes right now. My Comments: I take back what I said earlier. They really REALLY need to protect her. Mostly from herself.

You're Our Sharpshooter by safety_dancer for spacekidwrites Words: 1,302 Author’s Summary: My take on how Shiro reacts to hearing Lance call himself Voltron's seventh wheel. My Comments: Very sweet little fic. I want something like this to happen so bad.

Out of Phase by LittleWhiteTie Words: 6,571 (WIP 2/4) Author’s Summary: Shiro is lost, only able to contact the paladins during their dreams. He helps them through their nightmares when they need him the most, but it's getting harder and harder to find them as he starts to lose track of what's real and what's imagined. He's losing his grip on this reality, and his sense of self is beginning to fall apart. He's going to need their help to get back before he disappears entirely. My Comments: FANTASTIC Post-S2 concept, just amazing. GAH, it makes me hurt, but it’s so lovely. Really, really want some more.

Audio/Visual Quest by Dynared21 Words: 15,298 Author’s Summary: Pidge and Lance have journeyed to a mysterious planet in order to find the technical details to Zarkon's fortress...as well as a TV that they can hook up their Gamestation to! But who owns the mysterious collection they run across, and will the pair be able to escape with their gains? Or will they end up the newest exhibits of this collector? My Comments: Really fun, action-packed, episode-like fic. I’m super happy that S2 has seemed to encourage more fics with Pidge and Lance interacting. They’re such a fantastic combo.

Feeling Blue by spitfire00 Words: 2,962 Author’s Summary: Lance is feeling worthless. Pidge reminds him just how important he is. My Comments: Have I mentioned lately how much I love Lance and Pidge? Anyway, I love the way she just shoves her way in there and refuses to leave. Lance needs a stubborn little sister to love him.

The Long Walk Home by nerdiekatie Words: 5,488 Author’s Summary: What happens when you get your unexpected and unwanted period in space? What happens when your armor doesn't have pockets for your inhaler? On a stealth mission, Pidge and Hunk are stranded and forced to walk to the Green Lion. They're racing against time and their own bodies. Will they make it back? My Comments: This fic is GRUELING, but I love seeing the two geniuses of Team Voltron being badass and strong despite their unique difficulties.

Weekend Guests by TheBeckster Words: 6,906 (WIP 1/?) Author’s Summary: Voltron had been too late. They hadn't been able to stop the Galra this time. As the Paladins pick their way through a leveled city, they come across a group of survivors and find themselves way out of their element. Everyone except Lance, that is. My Comments: Fantastic start! I love Lance with kids, and he’s particularly competent and wise and adorable here. The kids all feel like kids with their own personalities, which can be tricky. Waiting patiently for more. (Not that patiently.)

Big Stick Diplomacy by windscryer Words: 3,496 Author’s Summary: Keith is bad at diplomacy, but he is trying. Pidge... not so much. My Comments: Protective Pidge! Savage on Keith’s behalf! Everyone is extremely protective, too, but Pidge takes the cake. She will take you down if you even THINK about looking at her family funny, and Keith is her boy.

Previously Recced Fics That Updated:

Hold Up Half the Sky by BossToaster (ChaoticReactions) This Is New by TheHomestuckWhovian bombs and bullets by ashinan Bromances in Space by ptw30 Handbook of Demonology by squirenonny for Pechat Blue and Bruised by DizzyBunnies Playing Catch-Up by 5557 Altar of Storms by VelkynKarma  (now complete, and incredibly satisfying) Prison Bonds by GriffinRose (complete) Someplace Like Home by squirenonny Burning by CranberryBat Here Stands a Man by awkwardCerberus Love and Other Questions by squirenonny Stardust, Silk and Steel by CalicoTomcat So Here's what You're Not Going to Do by BreakTheDawn (now complete) Stronger Than They Know (The Caretaker) by unfortunatelynormal A Dream Away by BossToaster (ChaoticReactions) Chrono Story by Crowoxy (now complete)

[vampyrslutton]

My Sides

What?! I was tagged? By @ts-anxiety-angst of all people?! I do not deserve this honor! Ive kind of wanted to do this! And i actually made a video with 3 of my sides as my final project for my video class so I already know my sides, but dont have them named. I alos kind of have like 6 because I can’t quite figure out how to combine some of them into one side.

Anxiety-Genderfluid-They/Them I myself am Genderfluid, and so is my Anxiety. They’re honestly a dick. They basically sit there, and make sure I that I feel like shit about myself even if I was feeling good. Basically the only positive thing they do is make me hang out with friends and go to stuff for fear we’ll miss something and be abandoned again. On the other hand though, they also make me over think going to things until I’m scared to go. They’re a jerk. Anyway, I picture them in black Harley Davidson boots, black pleather pants, black pleather biker vest with an androgynous hair style with a small ponytail, and the bags under their eyes from making sure I’m freaking out at 3 in the morning on a school night. They get along best with Schemes, and kind of hate Fandoms.

Fantasy-Male-He/Him Fantasy sits over on my more male identifying side and has been with me the second longest. I was obsessed with vampires and all things supernatural when I was 4 and I still am. As a result, he represents that love of myths, legends, and fantasy in all his vampiric glory. He literally has black dress shoes, black socks, black dress pants, a blood red dress shirt, red eyes, fangs, short black hair (dyed because mine is brown), and will sometimes wear a cape with a horribly cringy fake accent. He also harbors my creativity so is where my daydreams, fanfictions, and art come from as well as my love of acting. His personality is of refinement, sophistication, and gentlemanlyness. He likes Fandoms best despite how much she makes him cringe, and likes Perversion the least for their crudeness.

Fandoms-Female-She/Her She is the definition of that one cringey weeb scrolling through tumblr at all hours, openly going “OmG LOL sO RndM!!1!111!!!!!” that we all cringe about but secretly know we all have a small amount of. She wears black combat boots that kind of look like Maka Albarns, black and red school girl skirt, some sort of fandom shirt, black leather jacket with loads of buttons and pins, and hair died pink, purple, and red with a head band. She has the phandom catwhiskers, and is always speaking in refernces, old memes, and tumblr quotes without a care in the world. I guess she would harbour my Morality? She is incredibly bubbly with a screechy fangirl voice ,and just wants to have fun. She is where my inspiration for some creativity comes from which is why her and Fantasy get along so well. She’s also where my want to be a Voice Actor is. She gets along best with Fantasy, Schemes, and Perversion, but is basically Anxiety’s counter so doesn’t sit well with them.

Schemes-Genderfluid-They/Them I guess they could be considered my logic? They’re where most of my intellegenceis stored, basically where my evil plots come from and are my drama consultant when writing. They’re also the reason some have said I sould be an info broker. They’ve always been mischievious since we were little and were the first one as I’ve always liked to impress and or disturb adults with my knowledge. In the knowledge department, they have a fascination of loving to learn random facts that know one would take the time to learn or that they know sould disturb someone to know. They actually have an appreciation for zoology and biology while my other sides tend to focus on art and creativity. In terms of actual schemes, they’re always plotting how to mess with people, and if some one hurts me, you know they have the information to bring them down while making sure they never hurt anyone again. They like to be the big evil mastermind, but they still don’t want to hurt anyone unless they hurt us. They can easily manipulate and talk their way through anything. Schemes can be seen wearing gender neautral business casual in monochromes and dark reds and blues. While my other sides wear contacts, they wear business looking glasses. They say because the glare looks more evil, but its literally because we’re blind as a fucking bat without them. They’re best friends with Perversion, but due to some betrayals over the years, has become more cynical and is now close to Anxiety as well, working close with and manipulating them to avoid further betrayal. They don’t dislike anyone really as they recognize they’re all part of a whole so don’t see a point in disliking anybody.

Perversion-Female-She/Her “You and you’re search history are the reason we’re going to hell!” “*Smirks* Well you can’t spell Perversion without S.I.N.” Perversion or Sin, whichever you want to call her, she’s a tomboy and a major flirt. She is where my love of dirty jokes and fart humor comes from, and she isn’t afraid to make one whatever the situation. She loves working with Schemes to disturb people with a dirty joke or lewd info, just to see peoples recation. If she can slip an innuendo in somewhere, its already done. Now I said she’s a flirt and she is, but only if we’re dating someone and only towards that person otherwise its “Error 404: Witty comment not found. Insert dirty joke that will get us put in the brozone. Oh we’re at work? Stare and stutter like an idiot.” So basically she thinks, she’s a flirt, but she can’t for the life of her unless in costume. She doesn’t mind the BroZone. She’s comfortable there, and loves it there, but hates being there when she didn’t intend to be. Otherwise, she doesn’t mind and loves being one of the guys, and loves new guys’ reactions when she makes a dirty joke. She can be found wearing very tomboy attire, but in the most provacative way possible while still being perfectly decent cause, hey, we ain’t a hoe. She is best friends with Schemes, and loves meeting up with Fantasy and Fandoms to write fanfiction. She hates Anxiety because she blames them for our inability to flirt properly.

Lastly,

Adrenaline-Genderfluid-They/Them This crazy side is why people call me insane. They love ziplining while doing tricks, parasailing, skydiving, four-wheeling, dirt biking, and surfing. They’re also my love and skill or wrestling, weightlifting, martial arts, and boxing come from. They are my ability to take an extreme sport and in twenty minutes do it like I’ve been doing it all my life. They’re my determination, and passion, and my drive to keep up with the guys in a biologically female body. They are the reason I have a freakishly high pain tolerance and no fear. Basically if people think I’d be insane to try it, as long as it’s legal, Adrenaline’s motto will be “Hold my beer and watch this.” They’re the one that will make me put myself out there and talk to people every now and again. They also hold my minor obsession with piercing. They’re also the reason I’m thinking of learning pole dancing from watching Yuri!! on Ice, knife throwing from reading a fanfiction wear Thomas’s Anxiety knew how to throw knives, and I am voodoo after watching Buzzfeed Unsolved Supernatural despite Fantasy telling us not to fuck with that shit without proper training. Adrenaline will probably get me killed one day haha! They can be found in cargo shorts, hiking boots (despite not hiking), a tank top, sunglasses, and some sort of head gear depending on what they’re doing with a grin that says “This is gonna be awesome!” They’ll also have a knife hidden at all times so they can kick someone’s ass if hand to hand won’t work, but can otherwise take someone down that way. Adrenaline loves all the sides except for Anxiety. They blame them for our lack of friends, and know they aren’t wrong.

Did i do this right? I hope I did. Um, I don’t really have any tumblr friends yet so no one to tag so I guess tag yourself if you haven’t done this yet?

[welcometoerinsworld]

Wow. Several things are wow. 1. I can’t believe it’s been almost 5 months since I last wrote. 2. So many insane things have happened since I last posted a blog, but I’m not going to get into that right now. 3. I feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel soooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooold!!!!!! lol.

So, today I officially turned 35. Seriously. 35. Can you believe it??????? Troy called today to wish me happy birthday and when I told him I’m officially old, he said I’ve been old since mid-20s. Thanks, Troy. I’d smack you if you were on the same land mass.

Here’s an obligatory photo of me as little tiny nugget versus what I looked like today. It’s so weird thinking I was once that tiny. I don’t know my exact stats, but man, I think I was pretty darn cute. lol

As for the day, today started well. Got up, finished prepping my lesson for Sunday School, and headed off to church. It made me giggle when my friend, Tamara, turned around during Sacrament Meeting to wave and mouth ‘Happy Birthday’ to me. She got to be the first person to wish me happy birthday in person.

During Sunday School, Tamara’s daughter, Kizi, wished me happy birthday and a bunch of the other kids started wishing me happy birthday. A boy started to sing and nobody joined in, so he stopped. He tried to get other people to sing with him, but there were so many other conversations going on and people arriving that it was a bit too chaotic. I appreciated the effort and thought, though. I really love these kids. I call them kids, but they’re all 15-16 years old. Great people. I’m going to miss them in January when they move up to the next class. They’ve been really wonderful to hang out with every Sunday.

Class was pretty fun. We played Jeopardy, which I thought they all loved because everyone laughs and goofs off and they all seem to be having fun, but I found out that for a couple kids it’s too chaotic and stressful, so I promised not to play it as often. We had soooo many people there today, which kinda added to how chaotic it was. We normally have 6-7 people in class, but there were 12-13 today. Instead of doing boys vs girls, we did four teams of three. I think if it had been a smaller group it wouldn’t have been as hectic, but that wouldn’t have helped with the kids being stressed out from it. I’m glad they told me so that I can come up with other ideas for less stressful learning games. I get tired of formal lessons all the time, so I try to change things up to be a bit more exciting once in a while. I guess now I’ve got to be a bit more creative.

After Sunday School, I went to Relief Society. That was fun. They announced it was my birthday and aside from the awkward everyone staring at me and everyone wishing me happy birthday at once, it was really nice. I had a mini panic where I didn’t know who to look at and who to thank because they were all saying it at once, so I think I just made a weird face and then sank in my chair. lol. Being socially awkward is so much fun. But I did get a lot of hugs from people, which was really nice. I love hugs. Several people told me happy birthday in the halls, which was nice, too. It felt good to have people acknowledge it was my birthday. Most of the time hardly anyone ever knows it’s my birthday and it just feels like a normal day. Today I felt special. There was no party or cake or celebration, just that people noticed me and took the time to say something nice to me. It meant a lot.

During the Relief Society lesson, the teacher passed out chocolate and when the bowl got to us, Christy, the lady sitting next to me, asked me which kind I liked. I picked out a Dove chocolate and she picked on up, told me happy birthday, and then gave it to me. When the lady on her other side asked if I got to candies because it was my birthday, Christy told her the second piece was her birthday present to me. That lady then said if she hadn’t already bitten her chocolate, she would have given it to me, too. lol. That cracked me up. I love the ladies in my ward. Later, during a multi-group discussion, my group got to talking about travel and they teased me for never having been to Canada, even though it’s less than 6 hours away. Sheesh. I do need to go there.

After church, I called Troy back. He’d called me during Relief Society, so I couldn’t talk to him then. We chatted about life, what’s been going on this week, how things are going at my job, what I have left with school, and what my plans are after I graduate. I’d been thinking about staying with CARD and applying for OM at the center they’re going to open here next summer, but with the way things are going lately, I’m not sure that’s going to happen. I’ve also considered getting on with Fast, the company Troy works for, to do project management or be a systems trainer (I think that’s what they’re called), but I don’t know. They’re work is super technical and I don’t fully understand all of it, but some people I’ve talked to there don’t have IT training and they’re doing just fine, so I think that could still be an option. It’s a good company, from what I’ve seen.

So, yeah, Troy and I talked for about 10 minutes and then he was off to video game with his brothers. We don’t talk much anymore, but I always like hearing from him. He’s a good guy with a solid perspective. I’m glad we’ve been able to remain friends.

After talking with Troy I was going to finish up some homework that was due today, but my professor finally got back to me and told me I could have an extension. Wish some of the stuff that has been going on this week, I was in a really bad mental space and asked for extensions for all my classes. This one professor didn’t write back until today, so I’d been trying to do the work, but it just wasn’t happening. When I saw the email granting the extension, I emailed him back to thank him and told him I’d turn it in tomorrow. I needed today to just have no responsibility, no stress, no worrying about anything. I popped in Persuasion and watched that while working on my quilling. The candle holder I’m making for Jeffry, my brother’s boyfriend, is coming along nicely and the snowflake I’m designing is making progress, too. I think I might be done with the snowflake. Well, after I glue it together. I’ve got all the pieces made and it’s laid out on a board, I just need to glue it all in place now.

My home teachers came over for a bit after that and then I booked it over to Holly’s house. She invited me over for dinner and games and we had a wonderful time. Her kids are seriously my favorites. Even when they’re cranky, I adore them. Holly taped my name to Emma’s shirt, so instead of saying ‘Yay! It’s my birthday!’ it said ‘Yay! It’s Erin’s birthday!’ It was so cute!

Jackson and Isaac gave me cute drawings as soon as I walked in. Well, Isaac kinda threw his at me and then bolted down the hall. I was like, “uh, okay, what was that?” He was all miffed I didn’t open it right away. lol. He asked me if I knew what it was and I guessed a car. Oops. It is a heart. He was super excited to find out that the colors he used are my three favorites, so that made up for my lack of artistic interpretation. Jackson’s is also a heart, but he didn’t make me guess. He just told me. lol. He probably heard my wrong guess with Isaac’s and wanted to spare me the embarrassment. haha.

The evening at Holly’s house was nice. We talked, watched Relative Race, had homemade pizza (thanks, Spencer!) and played games. It was so fun. At one point the boys were hiding under blankets on the floor and I went and laid on them. I love listening to them giggle. Couldn’t play too hard because I was in a skirt and Isaac still has a decent cough, so we just goofed off a little.

I wish I’d played with them more, but part of me is still struggling to get back into the rhythm of life. A lot of emotions I thought I’d dealt with six months ago are resurfacing and I just feel overwhelmed and…..stuck. It’s been hard to function this week and I’ve spent a lot of time laying on the floor, watching tv, and trying to sleep, but just laying there for hours on end replaying things in my mind. Being sick for three days kinda helped, which sounds weird, but it did. Today did, too. It felt good to take a break from all that to laugh and have a good time, there were just moments when all those feelings would creep back.

One of the funny moments at Holly’s was when Isaac decided to try and block me from walking past. He was on the table leaning over to the counter using his body as a ‘bridge.’ I just slid my arms under him, picked him up, and tried to put him on top of the fridge. Listening to his little laughs was hilarious. I was actually surprised I could do an overhead press with a 30lb kid, but I did it! I was so surprised, I did it again to be sure I’d actually done it the first time. lol. It was pretty hilarious. When Isaac tried to block me the same way again, he squirmed too much for me to lift the same way, the little turkey.

Another funny moment was when we were eating cookies. Holly let me pick from her big stash of oreos to try a flavor I liked. She’s doing another blind tasting party soon and this time it’s going to be oreos. Last time she did pringles and the time before she did chocolate. She’s done other things, but those are the only two I’ve been able to attend. Hopefully she does the oreo blind tasting party at a time when I can go cuz there were a ton of flavors that sounded tasty. I ended up choosing the coconut oreos cuz I do love my coconut. I’ve had them before, but that’s okay. It’s my birthday, so I can choose flavors I like instead of new ones if I want to. lol. The boys and I had fun eating them and goofing off.

Sadly, Holly didn’t eat any oreos with us. She is doing 30 days of no sugar and I am soooooo incredibly proud of her for making it 21 days! This is the longest she has ever gone and it is amazing! That’s why we didn’t have cake or ice cream. We’re going to do that after she gets off her no-sugar kick. I’ve got a free birthday dessert from Olive Garden, so we’re going to go there and get the cannoli trio. She wanted that for her birthday, but they were out, so we’re going to try it for my birthday. If they don’t have it this time, they’re going to get a stink eye. Maybe I should call ahead and make sure they have it. It would be sad if she gets denied twice. I was also going to go get ice cream with Ashley and Melody yesterday, but I was too sick and exhausted to do anything after work and completely spaced it. I’ll have to reschedule with them cuz I really want to hang out with them.

After oreos we played Yahtzee and Apples to Apples. Isaac was on my team for Yahtzee and Jackson was with Holly. Isaac and I won. By a long shot. Cuz we’re awesome and amazing. haha.

Holly ended up winning Apples to Apples, though. We had to be sure Isaac didn’t see which cards she and I put down because if he knew which one was mine, he’d pick that one. lol. The goof. So Holly won even on a rigged game. That takes some skill.

I didn’t get to hold Emma tonight, but that’s okay. She’s getting over croup and just wanted to be with Holly or standing on her own near Holly, so I mostly left her alone. Got a few fun photos with her and made a lot of faces at her. She’s such a sweet little baby.

We all had some sour icebreaker mints at one point and, dang, were they sour!

Oh! Totally off topic. Holly decided to do some ‘magic’ tricks with the boys. She and I laughed way harder than they did. There’s this video going around facebook of this dad who tells his daughter to stab his hand with a fork before he can wipe up a puddle of water she’s sitting in front of. He then throws the rag at her and drags her across the water. Holly did that with the boys and aside from some silly faces, they didn’t react much. Holly, though, man, she was hilarious. She was cracking up so hard. It was awesome.

When I got home from Holly’s, Andrea had left me a brownie and a card at my door. It was really nice of her to do that and such a nice thing to come home to. I really appreciated that. I will eat it tomorrow with my lunch cuz it’s too late to eat anything right now.

All in all, this was a really great birthday. I guess it technically started yesterday because my dad wished me a happy birthday yesterday afternoon. haha. He texted later to say he knew yesterday wasn’t my birthday, he just wanted to be sure I couldn’t accuse him of forgetting. Mmmmmhmmmmm, suuuuure, dad. lol. My parents and my sister also sent me videos of them singing me happy birthday, so that didn’t get neglected, either. And then there were all the obligatory social media birthday wishes and text messages, which I absolutely love. All the good things happened today and I feel very blessed and fortunate to have such good people in my life.

Mom & Dad

Patty

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Oh, can’t forget gifts. A couple people asked me what I got for my birthday, so might as well include that here, too. My mom sent me some stuff from Bath & Body Works. I love their aromatherapy line, so I was super excited to get that. A friend from Ireland sent me a card, Holly gave me oreos, her boys drew me pictures (Isaac’s is the red, blue, and purple; Jackson’s is the green), Andrea gave me a brownie, Christy gave me a chocolate, and my parents helped me buy a painting I fell in love with a few weeks ago. I ordered it yesterday, so I don’t have it yet. It should be here in a week or two and I’m super excited for it to arrive. It’s small, but it’s so beautiful.

So, yes, I had a wonderful birthday. I feel happy and blessed and so much lighter. I have wonderful people in my life and I am so thankful for all the people who went out of their way to acknowledge me today. I have really felt special today.

Happy Birthday To Me! Wow. Several things are wow. 1. I can't believe it's been almost 5 months since I last wrote.