#its all a joke but cant help but take it to heart sometimes

[aggressiveguitarnoises]

born to be vulnerable and serious and expressive, forced to be silly

[dollyluvss]

[[ “ where are you..? “ ]]

♱ a lovely friendship. started out playing at the park as children, your best friend leaves you while he pursues his soccer career. but when he returns..? { mean!kunigami rensuke x afab!reader! }

warnings. . .

angst angst and more angst, hate fucking, mouthy/bratty reader (sorta self indulgent-) choking, mentions of self harm - substance abuse/pure pressure - and bullying - reader over thinks.

biting, pussy slapping, just filth.. throat fucking, dom/sub dynamics, slut shaming, LOADSSSS OF DIRTY TALK, creampie(s), throat fingering(? idk why to call it..), hair pulling, headlocks,impact play/spanking/slapping, kunigami and reader have potty mouths :p, superrrrr mean!kunigami :<, slight dub-con at the begining of the smut scene, size kink if you can see, arguing, manhandling..brr.. you have been warned!

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it had been almost a year since you last saw your best friend. he was always with you before he left, you, his family, and soccer is all he cares about really. you two were close, very close. always joking around, teasing each other and backing each other up when it comes to anyone who disagrees. you always were sassy as a kid, that sass turned into a full blown attitude as you reached your teen years, cussing out anyone who pissed you off or even looked at you sideways. kunigami, being fairly level headed, was always there to, quite literally, hold you back from pouncing on the next sorry person to face your anger.

you and kunigami bickered from time to time, becoming full on arguments as you grew older. they never lasted long really, you barking at him into backing down. he never liked to argue with you, neither did you, but sometimes you two pushed one another’s buttons a bit to much.

————————————————————————

“oh shut up, ren!” i groan, growing more irritated as seconds passed. a stupid, very petty, argument over how loud his music was, it woke you up. and not in a good mood at that.

“im allowed to play music, ___.its my house, i can do what i like!” he argued back, voice raised but not as much as yours.

“shut it the fuck off! use headphones you dickhead!” i growled, lip turned up in a nasty scowl. rensuke sighs, rubbing a hand down his face. stress marks on his forehead. “alright fine, m’sorry kid..” he mummbles, ruffling you head and bringing you to his chest in a soft hug, a genuine apology.

“whatever..” i grumble into his chest, hugging his waist. “just had a long week, wanted to have a good nap ya’know?” i mumble in his chest. he laughs, patting my head.

————————————————————————

god you miss him, miss the bickering, cuddles during movie nights, sneaking out of his parents house to the beach to have fun in the water.

sigh..come back soon ren.. i think to myself, chin resting in my hands as i stare tiredly at my laptop.

buzz buzz!

i glance at my phone, i gasp, jumping back in my chair as i grab my phone, bag and put on my shoes. rushing out the door to my car as i make my way out to kunigami’s house.

ren’s momma:3 : rensuke came home a few days ago! he’s home watching the house while im on vacation, go stop by and say hi sweetie!

i smile at he text, she was such a lovely woman. always helping you when your own mother couldnt.

i speed over to his house, pulling into the driveway as i race out of my car and run up to the door. i unlock it with my spare key, removing my shoes as i head downstairs to the basement. i walk down the stairs, a familiar living room, small work out coroner to the left, a kitchen, bathroom and washroom, his room in the far back of the basement. i take quiet careful steps towards his room, i push past the curtain to his room, his sent filling my nose as i lock my eyes on him.

“..hi- ren..” i say, i cant believe hes back, its been so, so long. i walk over to his side as he looks up at me.

budump. badump.

my heart beat rings in my ears as he looks up at me. his eyes are, cold. his stare is harsh, shooting daggers at you even.

what the fuck happened? did he join the military and quit soccer? i think to myself.

“so much for a warnin’..” he grumbles, voice almost hoars. a far cry from his calm, sweet voice that almost dripped with honey when he spoke soft enough.

“i-i..” i stutter, shocked at his change in demeanor and appearance. my mouth agape, mind flooded with questions.

“you just gonna stand there..” he says, more of a annoyed response than a question. he stands up, towering over you. fuck..was he always this big? i shake away the thought, looking up at him as i place my bag down next to him doorframe. i whisper “how are you..?” im feeling, uneasy..his whole vibe is just— off.

“fine.” he grumbles, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. he looks almost unsure, like your a complete stranger.

“u-um..can i have a hug?” i stutter, the tension in the air is almost suffocating me. he glances down at me and my heart drops.

disgust, like a dirty dog jumping all over him.

“ive got better things to do, no.” he says stern and cold lacing his voice, hes looking at me like a pest.

“oh- uh. okay? damn..” i grumble back, a pout forming on my lips at his harsh rejection. “what crawled up your ass?” i reply, pout turning into a almost scowl now as i eye him up and down when he walks past me. stopping after those words leave my lips.

“buzz off, ____. im busy, cant bother with your bitchy attitude today..” he almost growls, like you mean nothing to him.

“excuse me?” it comes out before i realize it, mh words laced with venom. my scowl now a nasty snarl as i turn to face him.

he turns his head to look at me, glaring at me like i just said something extremely disrespectful.

“whats your fuckin’ problem?” i growl, stepping closer to him, getting in his space much to his disliking.

“watch yer mouth.” he says sternly, turning to face me, he looks down at me with hate in his eyes. i cant stop the shiver it sent up my spine. i swallow the lump forming in my throat and glare back.

“or what? whats your fuckin’ issue? i dont see or hear from you in a year and you come back all tight and shit? fuck happened to “hi ___! i missed you how are you?” huh?” i throw my hands up, voice getting louder as the seconds past. my emotions taking full control at the sight of whats now left of my best friend.

“so damn mouthy..cant say anythin’ to you without you gettin’ bitchy can you?” he barks back, voice still low and deep but the bass almost shakes me off my feet.

“oh! look who finally grew some fuckin’ balls! guess they kicked your ass around in there huh?” i say, a sly, almost devilish, grin appearing on my face. basically poking a angry bear with a stick.

he growls, “watch yourself..im not fuckin’ around ____..” vemon starts lacing his words just as much, if not more, than you.

“i just want to see my best friend, is that so bad? you couldnt have even TRIED to call me? you call your mother and sisters but not me? i though i was special to you?” i scoff, i understand he worked hard at blue lock. i mean, its quite literally all over his face— but he couldnt even relay a message back to me? not once for the 11 months he was there? my eyes feel sore as they gloss over. fuck..no relax, keep it together ____ . i think to myself.

“well? what happened to all those promises? that youd call me if it ended up being something long term, if you could get your hands on a phone?” i day, voice cracking slowly as my resolve to ‘keep it together’ .

“i dont have time to listen to your bitchin’..so fuckin noisy..didnt wanna hear you bitch ‘n moan over the phone or in person.” he spat back. that does it. the frog jumping from my throat as i double over myself in a sob. unable to stop once i start, i rub my eyes as i start breathing harder, hiccuping every so often.

had he always felt like this? did all i really do is ‘bitch ‘n moan’ to him? what about my other friends? my family, teachers? his mom, or sisters? you always did have quite the talent for annoying people ever since you were small. being left out or subtly teased in ‘friend’ groups, being dared to leave at sleep overs and partys. you tried cigs, weed and alcohol to try and seem cool to your peers. trying to push the thoughts of self harming in any way you could think of as you down two more shots, head feeling like cotton as your ‘friends’ all pack into their car and drive off. leaving you absolutely stranded and alone a hour from home.

you dont know when you feel to the ground but your on your knees, right hand on the carpet of his floor while your left grips your shirt on your chest as you breath faster and faster. mind racing fast at how to calm down, trying to focus on anything but the loud negative thoughts clouding your head. ears ringing loud starts dying back, your eyes are focused back in, breathing jagged but stable as you start counting up. soon you let out a shakey breath before looking up at kunigami. your eyes widen in shock when you see him looking down at you with such hatred.

“your so pathetic. get the fuck up.” he barks, not a single ounce of remorse for his so called ‘best friend.’

i get up, knees shakey as i stumble. i look up at him and glare. “your bein’ a fuckin’ cunt right now kunigami.” his family name spilling from my lips like hot lava.

his face scrunches slightly at the sound of his family name coming from you mouth, something you never called him. “watch yer mouth, brat.” he growls.

“bite me, ren!” i snap back, my minds blank of how we ended up back to arguing but i continue to curse at him, ‘bitch’ and ‘pussy’ leave my mouth multiple times as i grill into him, walking closer to him, my hands shoving him backwards towards the wall….is what you swore just happened. your back and head are pounding as you feel the wall behind you and big strong hands holding yours next to your head in a painful grip, sharp, mean eyes staring at you like prey..

“shut up.” he spits, literally. he spit in your face. you flitch back at this, yelling as i trash in his grip. “let me go..! ren let me go!” i bark , trying to wiggle out of his grip.

“shut..up!” he yells back, pulling me forward before slamming me back against the wall. i yelp and stare at him wide eyed. a pathetic whimper leaving my throat as he moves closer to my face.

“watch that smart mouth of yours..or i teach you how to shut the fuck up..” he growls against my ear, body now flush against my chest. i can feel his heart beat..

“g-get the— fuck off me..!” i groan, once again squirming as his grip on my wrist tighten. he presses his body harder against mine, preventing me from moving as i squeak in surprise.

“do it again, watch what i fuckin’ do to you..” he whispers, for some reason its scarier than when his voice is raised. ‘he wont do shit..’ i think.

wrong. ooh sooo wrong you were.

his hands maneuver my hands above my hands, his left hand holding them firm against the wall. his right hand you ask? shoving his two longest fingers down your throat, harshly.

i gag hard on his thick fingers, trashing around as much as i could as he starts fucking my throat with his fingers, not pulling the out more than two inches before plunging the back down my throat. i gag and choke on his fingers as i try to pull my head away. i feel my eyes start to flutter into rhe back of my head at the lack of oxygen.

“fuckin’ slut..always bitchin’ ‘bout somethin’ dumb…fuckin’— take it..” he groan in my ear, it sends a shiver down my spine as my heads pushed back more as he pushes his digests deeper.. my body starts slowly sliding down the wall, he lets go of my wrist as he pulls me fully to my knees. my hands fly to his wrist and grip it weakly, trying to pull his hand out of my throat. tears begin to fall from my eyes as he tug my head back by my hair. a loud moan coming my sore throat.

“ gag, r- gag, en— gag” i sputter out, his fingers moving faster. my eyes fully rolling back now as i feel myself going limp.

“shut it, fuckin’ whore..you wanna talk back? this is what happens when you dont fuckin’ listen..” he growled into my ear. soon he removes his fingers, i lean against his thick thigh as i gasp and cough for air. his hand lands on my head, he grips my hair and pulls my neck back to look up at him. my eyes wide at the sight of his cock, gulp, hes huge..to big— way to fuckin’ big..

“open yer mouth..” he demands, i gasp as hip tip hits my lips. he takes this as a invitation to slam himself down my throat. i gag, hard, on his cock. his hand in my hair using it as a handle to pull my head up and down his length. using my mouth to his desires.

“shit— thats right..t-take this dick..fuuuck..” he groans lowly, rolling his head back as his tip hits the back of my throat. hips bucking up in my mouth.

a lewd, gul gul gul, comes from my throat as i open my mouth to gag and cough on his cock. my hands gripping his thighs harshly. nails leaving marks in there wake as i claw his legs. i fall on my ass as he pushing my back flush against the wall as he snaps his hips in my mouth over and over. calloused hands slammed against the wall and he uses my mouth like some fleshlight.

“fuckfuckfuck— take it- take this dick- f-fuck, g-gonna cum down that f-fuckin’ nasty throat baby..” he looks down, hips snapping at a slower speed but deeper this time small ‘take it.’ ‘s leave his mouth as he reaches his high. pressing my head against his pelvis with his right hands while he leans his forehead on his left forearm. groaning- no— growling as he cums down my throat. i cough and gag as he fills my mouth, he pulls away harshly as i gasp and take big gulps as i swallow his cum. my face is covered in spit ‘n cum.

“w-what..cough, gulp, is wrong- with you..?!” i shout hoarsly, throat sore from his assault with his cock.

he dosent reply, grabing my neck as he grips it harshly. walking me backwards and turning me around before pushing me on the bed. he pulls down my shorts and underwear quickly, he spits on my cunt. rubbing two fingers up from my clit to my entrance, pushing past my walls as he starts fingering me and hard.

i put my right hand out behind me, left gripping the blankets on his bed and i try to push his hand away. but, my attemps are in vain as he pins my hands behind my back as keeps fingering me, pushing a third finger in as he speeds up. he leans his chest against me from behind, his mouth biting down on my nape. leaving a harsh teeth back as he starts biting my neck.

“fuckin’ mouthy bitch..take my fuckin’ fingers slut..fuuck..pussy fuckin’ loves it huh..” he growls against my neck. my face falling against his bed as i moan loudly. hips grinding up to match his pace as a knot forms in my stomach.

“dont you dare fuckin’ cum..beg me for it..” he groans against my ear, licking and kissing down and up my neck. im a babbling mess but i manage to say one thing.

“f-fuuuck— you..!” i squeal as i feel myself on the brink of cumming. he pulls his hand from my cunt and pulls my leg up by my knee. resting it on his bed before he starts slapping my cunt and ass over and over.

“you never learn huh? fuckin’ spoiled brat.” he growls, slapping my wet cunt one last time as hard as he could. drawing a loud moan from my throat as my body loses the tenseness it had from his spanking. he pulls away, pulling my hips flush against his cock, he pulls my hips up and down along his length a few times before slipping into my pussy with a slow, deep thrust. his left hand pulling my head back by the hair, again…sigh… “fuckin’ loud mouth bitch..ill make you fuckin’ learn to hold that ditry tongue of yours next time..” he moans, hips slamming against mine as he using my hair as a handle to push himself deeper..

“r-reennnn-suukeee!” i gasp in a high pitches moan, taking my bottom lip between my teeth as i try to hold myself up with his harsh thrust pushing me forward over and over. fuck hes strong.. i think to myself, eyes crossing as he hits my g-spot dead on. i let out a loud, high pitches moan as he hits it repeatedly.

kunigami lets out a nasally laugh before he speaks. “that yer spot slut? s-shit..tightened around me- gotta be it hm?” he leans forward, harsh grip on your hair moving to you shoulder before wrapping his muscular arm around your neck. a headlock.

he hold his wrist with his left hand to hold your neck firmly. “f-fuuuck..thats it you dirty whore..cum on my cock- t-there ya go..shit..” he growls against my ear, pulling me into a messy and rough kiss as he hips pump his cock deeper into me.

i moan in his mouth as he tightens the headlock, i pull back as he hits my spot one last time before i cum hard on his cock. but of course, his pace quickens. chasing his own high.

he lets go of my neck, letting my chest and head fall against his bed and he pulls my hips higher. practically slamming my hips against his. its to much for your poor cunt.

“g-gonna cum..fuck— such a good pussy, fuuck..!” he growls once more before pulling me flush against him as he cums deep inside me. he leans against my back as he pumps his hips slowly as he drags out his orgasam.

“..not done with you yet..still havent learned your lesson properly have you?” he snarls in my ear.

its gonna be a long night..

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end!

hello hi yes its been a while (almost a year—) i hope you enjoyed!! i sure as hell did!! please feel free to reblog as it is greatly appreciated! :3

- dolly..

*do not copy, translate or steal my work.*

[nmakii]

maki i beg you to write rin and s/o that also has sibling issues.. like not the "oh my sibling also left me lolol" issues like.. they're always gonna be in their sibling's shadow no matter what they do.. and their sibling absolutely hates their guts.. please..

I THINK I’VE SEEN THIS FILM BEFORE

— rin itoshi x reader with sibling issues

on behalf of older siblings, i side with sae :x

— rin itoshi

rins having one of those moments where he’s rethinking everything,,, like, he starts rethinking all about the times he’s been harsh to you. lowk start feeling bad :x

he’d try to be nicer. keyword: try. if you’re doing something braindead stupid, hes still gonna call you out hahaha

he’ll be more encouraging—ish… whenever you’re half-assing something (like example studies…), he wont be as harsh as he is with like bachira and the top 3… he’d go like “cmon… you know how to solve this. …do you need a hint..?”

and if on the very un-rare occasion, you do something that pisses him off, he would… do nothing! i know, shocking. he lobs u after all <3

this is only like… 1/4 because he feels bad for you and how your family’s treated you, and 3/4 because he wants to become the person he wanted sae to be.

hehe its actually pretty healing for the both of you. sometimes if the atmosphere is light and kind enough, you might even get him to smile a little bit :x <3

12:45. and you and rin were still up, studying for your math exam tomorrow.

“ugh..! i cant do it, rin. i don’t get it! y’know what? ill just fail..!” you frown, head in your hands. rin sighs. he really wanted to go to sleep, but he promised you that he’d help you prepare, and he has to follow through.

“d—ugh… dont be negative. i know you’ll be able to pass.” he pats you on the head. “do you wanna… review the concepts one more time, and solve one more problem before bed? i can help you study one more time in the library, okay?” he offered.

“mm… i need a breakkk..!” you groan. a break would mean having to stay up later… “i… fine… i need a break too…” rin groans. “..! what the hell does that mean..?!” you lash out at him, face pouty with a frown.

“…im joking. but, i am getting tired…” he says. he takes note of your guilty face. “i… sorry for keeping you up, rin… after this, you can sleep…”

fuck.

that face was making him feel guilty. “i didn’t mean it like that. im just saying its late, and you need to sleep early if you want your brain functioning.” he rested his hand on your shoulder. “cmon, let’s take a five-minute break and get back to this. okay?”

you nodded.

1:36. you were finally done, and much more confident than you were an hour ago. “yes, i got it!” you cheered. rin’s lips curled up at your enthusiasm. “it’s late now. get plenty of rest, okay? don’t panic, and just do your best.” he says.

you look at him like a child at their new pet; full of adoration and affection. you quickly ambush him with a tight hug, causing rin to wheeze out, the air in his lungs being kicked out in an instant. “ack..! ghh..! l..let me go…” rin heaves.

eventually, you do let go, choosing to move to a looser hug around his neck. “thank you, rin…” you smile. something in your gratitude stirs rin’s heart. as if the past was gone, and all that was left was the future.

“i..it’s no problem, okay? just go rest already, you need sleep…” his words and body language conflicting; his words pushing you away, and his hands pulling you closer as his lips find the crown of your head. he reluctantly lets you go sooner or later and helps you to clean up the various papers and textbooks.

as rin puts away his belongings, you cuddle up with him. “my favorite private tutor…” you snicker. rin rolls his eyes. “private tutor? that implies im getting paid to do this for you…” he frowns. “what?! my payment is my love for you..! isn’t that enough..?!” you argue back.

rin tried to hide the laugh that comes from his throat, but it’s quite obvious from the smile on his face. “…fine, i guess so. but, a little more loving wouldn’t hurt either.”

[thelovelylolly]

Hi! Another request you can take as long as you want to do write this!:) a billy hargrove x yn based on the song heather by Conan grey! Fluffy ending please!:))

Heather

Summary: You wish you were Heather... Warnings: hurt/comfort, self-doubt, reader is described as shorter than billy, fem reader, not proofread bc im a bit lazy at the moment lol Word Count: 826 Notes: i cant believe its been like 4 years since conan gray dropped kid krow im going CRAZY AHH

Having a crush on Billy wasn't rare at Hawkins High. Only a few girls were able to win him over, but those were flings to Billy. You were one his best friends, so you saw these girls fawning over him first hand. You saw all the girls laughing just a bit to loud at his jokes and trying to get their hands on him. But you couldn't blame them, he was handsome and charismatic.

It was no surprise that you caught feelings for him, too. You were better at hiding them since you figured you weren't his type.

That's when Heather came into the picture.

She was, at first, like the other girls trying to get Billy's attention. Then, things changed into something else. It wasn't a fling like all those other times, Billy seemed to actually be interested in her. He took her on a nice dates, walked her to her classes, helped her study.

Of course, Billy still hung out with you, but it felt like he was slipping away. It frustrated you, yet you said nothing. He was happy and that was enough for you.

Heather was everything you wanted to be. She was smart, funny, talented, pretty. She was the kind girl next door, the girl everyone would want. You quickly came to terms that she was the girl for Billy, because that's how it always worked. The popular, perfect girl always ended up with the popular guy.

You were fine just standing to the side and letting your best friend be happy. Did it hurt watching your crush be with another girl? Sure, but it would pass.

It had to pass, right?

You tried to make it pass, but Billy started to hang out with Heather more often and spent less time with you. You knew they hadn't made anything official, but things could've changed since Billy didn't have time to tell you.

One day, you even saw her with his jean jacket around her shoulders as she walked to her next class.

That's when you started to distance yourself from Billy. You were still there for him if he needed you, but you didn't want it to look like you were trying to steal him away from Heather.

Sometimes, they would catch your eyes as they walked past you at lunch and it made your heart ache.

You really wished you were Heather.

----

You were lounging around your living room on a Friday night, your parents having gone out with friends. You caught up on some magazines you followed and watched some shows, but you were bored. You'd usually spent your Friday nights with Billy doing dumb teenager stuff.

Now, you opted to stay in for the night.

You were flipping through one of your magazines when your doorbell rang. You sighed and tossed your magazine down onto the coffee table. You grabbed a nearby hoodie, not really paying attention to it, and pulled it over your tank top and sleep shorts.

You quickly went to your front door, sparing a quick glance out of the side windows before opening it.

Billy stood there, his hands in his pockets. You saw his eyes look you over before meeting yours.

"That's my hoodie," he said softly.

"What?"

"You're wearing my hoodie," he repeated, stepping inside.

You glanced down, noticing that he was right. He must've left it the last time he was over. You looked back up and saw a smile on his face along with blush on his cheeks.

"What are you doing here, Billy?" You asked.

"I..."

"You...?"

He sighed before pulling his hands out of his pockets and cupping your face with them. He quickly closed the space between you, giving you a short yet passionate kiss. When he pulled away, he kept your face in his hands.

"I really like you."

"R-really?" You asked, still processing if that kiss was real or not. "But what about Heather?"

"She didn't want anything serious," he answered, his hands slowly drifting down to your waist. "And she made me realize that I really just wanted you, she even told me to tell you that I like you."

A smile pulled at your lips as you felt your face heat up. "You got a taste of your own medicine, huh?"

He chuckled. "Guess so."

"Can I be honest?"

He nodded.

"I've liked you for a long time."

You reached up and cupped his cheeked, pulling him into another kiss.

"I could tell," he murmured against your lips.

You pulled away, playfully hitting him as he laughed. "You jerk!"

"I had a good reason why I didn't say anything!" He quickly said. "I promise."

You closed the door behind him then took his hand in yours, leading him to the living room. Then, you smiled and replied, "looks like we have time for you to explain."

He smiled, getting butterflies from knowing that he was the reason you were smiling. "Gladly, sweetheart."

[skelebellie]

LOVE AND PEACE

SFW

vash [98/stampede] x reader

how you two show each other love [drabbles]

—————

vash is very aware of his scars, almost to a fault. he’s constantly covering up parts of himself to stave off any wandering eyes. it took a lot for him to open up to you about them. the best way though was showing your own. bullet wounds littered across your body from not being fast enough, or slashes of tender flesh from stopping a bar fight. but every time you talk about them you don’t have a glimmer of sadness. he giggles when you tell him “if you connect them they kind of look like a sand-worm”. it helps him with his own confidence

and confidence you give considering every moment you find a visible scar your jumping on him, tracing the raised flesh with your finger. “your absolutely beautiful” you keep muttering under your breath as you trace them before bed. it becomes harder for vash to think down on himself when every time he sees his scars he can only hear your voice.

you spend a lot of time holding his prosthetic arm, each time you turn his hand over you cant help but stare at the intricacies of it. “vash, you must have been blessed by an angle because your one amazing peace of art”, you say as a joke. but your corny compliments always make him red in the face. your favorite is to give him kisses on his hand and tell him your hear to save a prince.

at night in the hotel vash can’t help but keep his head in your chest. your going to have to become a back sleeper because that man cannot go to bed without your heartbeat. too hot to cuddle? don’t worry he’s slipping a hand under your shirt to at-least feel it through the night. don’t get mad at him when your wake up in a sweat since he always tends to climb back and hang on like a koala.

vash loves trying new foods with you and sharing his snacks. he sees a food stall? you can bet he’s running back with some for you and him. if he sees food you’ve had before, don’t worry he remembered your preference and order. if he gets a pack of donuts he always gets at least one in your favorite flavor.

vash does the worst corny hand signs. sometimes he will just look at you and just draw a heart in the air. you always react dramatically, saying you’ve been shot by cupid. however, when you do it back he turns red in the face and cant reply.

sometimes vash wakes up in the middle of the night. he knows he’s tired and needs to get back to bed, but he stares at your face as your sleep away the night, content with being next to him.

sometimes he will nuzzle his head against yours. its a habit from being a plant, but you don’t mind. when you have really serious conversations or are taking a moment to check in with each other, you’ll sometimes find yourself butting heads (litterally). it seems to calm him down.

vash is downright the most handsy man that has every existed. not in a sexual way, but this man has to have a point of contact with you. walking next to you? his arm is around your waist. he needs a nap? wow look at those thighs, he’s all of a sudden found a pillow! the night is the worst, its like his arms have a mind of their own as they snake around your waist and his leg nestles between yours.

if your having a particularly bad day, he will lay down with you, humming rem’s lullaby into your crook of your neck. the calm beat allows you to calm your own racing heart.

[pumpkinsy0]

can you make headcanons of the gang learning creole from the shepards??

anon,,,r u,,,,🇭🇹🇭🇹🇭🇹🇭🇹???🤨🤨 /lh

BUT OF COURSE!!!! the gateway to get me to answer any ask is to make it about the shepards and them being haitian i swear

•ponys already ahead of most of em bc he hangs out w curly a lot, hes picked up a few words and phrases

•i already hc that darry knows french bc he learned it in school so hes like the one having the least amount of problems w learing kreyòl

•if u didnt know, kreyòl has some words from spanish and african languages and i hc johnny to be half mexican and steve is african so sometimes they recognize it and theyre like that one wojack of that guy pointing

•im gonna be so fr its rlly only tim taking it seriously and teaching em, angelas only teaching them bad words and curlys flirting w pony, stupid ik but its happening much to the dismay of literally everyone

•when it comes to kreyòl, how u say it is how its spelled and two bit swore he would get this shit the first try and then he didnt, he barely getting it on his tenth bc he had to be explained that its said how its spelled using the HAITIAN alphabet, he was just using the regular ass alphabet the whole time

•then it opened up an argument of “then its not rlly said how its spelled” w two bit and literally everyone else but we’ll ignore that

•darry learned french in high school and he was barely grasping that fuck ass gendered language bc why is a table a girl, and he was so mentally prepared to have to do the same w kreyòl but when tim told him kreyòl isnt gendered and its rlly only context based so to say “he, she, it” is “li” and to say “they” in plural is “yo” , ik he jumped for joy, he was so tired

•back to kreyòl being spelled how u say it, when pony learned that curlys heart jumped to his ass cause ponyb started writing down what curly said and asking tim to translate, everytime he gets caught tim just gives him a look and curly pretends hes smug about it but he is not, hes shitting his pants as we speak

•i hc dallas to be russian and he already has a BIT of an accent when speaking english but when it comes to him actually talking in kreyòl its even more obvious cause ur not rlly supposed to pronounce the r’s but he literally keeps on doing it over and over somewhat in a russian accent on accident, and now tim just chuckles a bit when dally speaks kreyòl

•also i JUST remembered i also hc sylvia as haitian, so dallys also getting some help from her but also hes learning kreyòl bc he wants to know wtf she says under her breath when theyre in arguments

•i would say also bc he wants to know what tim says in arguments, but tim will gladly translate for him, however also some insult r just,meant for kreyòl, it literally only hits hard in kreyòl so he doesnt rlly translate those ones, but when he tells sylvia she laughs at dally and tells him what it means

•she also giggles at dally speaking kreyòl hes getting bullied at every angle

•i say this w sm love but dally and soda cant rlly read all that well, they were those kids that took a bit of time reading during popcorn reading and yknow what, no hate about that here, still love em the same, but sometimes tim lets them read something in kreyòl and theyre stuttering SO bad

•i joke about pony not knowing shit in kreyòl, but pony and curly speaking in kreyòl to each other guys,,,pls,,listen to me here,,,,i need it</333

•angela taught them some songs in kreyòl ill hold onto this hc till i die

okok im stopping myself here before this gets any longer but pls know i will be going insane about this later

[dolphingirl1234]

ok I'm back its peso this time

here is our tiny medic

the crown was the closest I could get to his goofy medic hat lmao we can use our imaginations

headcanons yaaaay:

16, joined the octonauts at 14

gender fluid

he/she/they depending on the day (usually its he but it changes occasionally) (I'm just gonna use he/him for this post)

either bi or aromantic I haven't decided yet

bro literally has purple eyes and they're completely natural. no contacts or anything he's just built different like that

his hair is a bit above shoulder length and sometimes he lets dashi play with it but mostly just has it in a really short ponytail

when he first joined the octonauts he was really intimidated by the captain and literally couldn't speak to him without trembling, but after a particularly hard mission barnacles told peso he was proud of him and he immediatly became peso's #1 Role Model

the gup e was made specifically for him, the dashboard is lower to the ground so it's easier for him to reach

he's from Chile, but specifically the part that is part of Antarctica

his whole family lived in Britain most of their lives and even though he grew up in Chile peso kind of adopted their accents

speaks fluent spanish

his massive family group chat which so much spam its crazy

has a whole collection of nice rocks he finds (penguins make nests out of rocks) even though he doesn't need to make a nest its just a habit lol

has severe anxiety but has learned how to manage it after it took over his entire life in med school

he is the youngest of the crew (not counting the vegimals) and he often compares himself to the others

kwazii is basically his older brother and he actually considers barnacles to be his dad. like no joke peso's real dad is dead and peso legitimately thinks of barnacles as his father

thinks barnacles' analogy "to be brave you have to be afraid first" is bullshit but he sees his point and it makes him feel better

he has a passion for mental health studies and he randomly starts spitting facts whenever someone does something than reminds him of a symptom of an illness

he's a great listener

he preens sometimes and kwazii cant get used to it he always thinks peso is stabbing himself

he flaps his wings when he's happy or excited

will stay up late studying medical textbooks to know more even though he literally graduated med school as a child prodigy at the age of 14

he is banned from watching medical dramas because he gets scared he's gonna have to deal with something like that but he watches them anyway and literally analyses everything they do in case he ever does have to do it

bro can swim SUPER fast if he wants to (he doesn't want to)

he likes board games and card games

he's completely obsessed with puzzles. the crew have to physically restrain him from buying them every time they go shopping

has like 23938 family members and at all together they have birthdays every single day of the year so Peso's mornings usually consist of checking his calender and calling like 4 relatives to wish them happy birthday

he wears a scarf most of the time bc its a comfort item and then he overheats and has to take it off and then he cries because he physically needs his scarf to survive but if he wears it he will overheat. its a whole thing

he likes existing. he just has fun yk.

after helping sharks many times in missions he realised how cool and not scary they are and asked shellington to teach him more about them and bro brought out a whole ass series of textbooks

he cries at least 4 times a day (pathetic in the best way possible 💪💪💪)

this man has called barnacles dad "accidentally" so many times

one time barnacles refused to sleep so Peso wrappe his eyes with bandages and tied him to his bed so he would sleep and barnacles had a heart attack in the morning when he woke up and couldn't see or move

he likes lemonade very much. he drinks it religiously its basically the same as water to him

has beef with the diet versions of anything bc he always used to get them bc they have less sugar but then sometimes told him instead of sugar they use other random chemicals and now he's pissed at the companies for lying to him

none of the other crew members ever remember to take their meds so peso asked tweak to make alarms on only the watches of the ones who take meds so they remember to do it

keeps everyones meds and any other medications in a locked cabinet in the sick bay bc the others sometimes joke about k!ll!ing themselves and he's paranoid

he will stand on 14 chairs, 3 boxes and 8 cups stacked on top of each other to reach something on the highest shelf instead of just asking the captain to get it for him (this has happened more than once)

I need to sleep I think my brain is forgetting how to form woords goodnight yallkdnf

[muffinbeliever]

Glimpse of Us

It's the 45th anniversary of Star Wars, and Stiles can’t help but think of you. Based on Glimpse of Us by Joji.

Pairing: Stiles Stilinski x Reader (past relationship), Stiles Stilinski x Malia Tate

Word Count: 540

Warnings: hurt/no comfort, angst, mentions of death, sad stiles :(

A/N: hi. i know it's been so long. im so sorry i just cant write on a consistent schedule idk why i like to think its my depression lol but here is a little angsty drabble that ive been working on for a while but i just never got around to finishing it until now. the pacing might be a little bit of... it honestly feels kinda rushed to me, but i hope y'all like it nonetheless <3

Masterlist

Stiles knew it was unfair of him to feel this way. Malia was a wonderful girlfriend— she grounded Stiles when he was being erratic and she was a master at cuddling. Despite her indifference for Star Wars, she always watched it with Stiles because she knew how much it meant to him. 

He knew he shouldn’t feel like this, but he simply could not help it.

“Stiles!” Came his girlfriend’s voice. “Come look at this!” He walked over to where she stood and looked at the magazine she held out to him.

“Happy 45 years of Star Wars, babe,” Malia said with a smile. It was a Star Wars-themed magazine with exclusive behind-the-scenes photos from the original trilogy. Stiles had already browsed the magazine online, but he didn’t say anything to his girlfriend. It was the thought that counted, right?

His lips quivered in their forced upturn as he took the magazine from her outreached hand and thanked her, but as he casually flipped through the book, his heart couldn’t help but clench in pain. Star Wars had always been his and your thing— the two of you spending your movie nights watching anything Star Wars related, which often turned into heated debates and nerdy inside jokes.

His eyes caught on a screen cap of the iconic Episode V scene where Han and Leia finally confess their love for each other, and his jaw clenched as the familiar burning of tears tingled behind his eyes. He will never forget you lying in his arms, the visible pain in your eyes as you bled out. He will never get over the fact that you had died by his hand, regardless of the fact that it was actually the Nogitsune that stabbed you, not him. It was still his hand, still his body. 

The Nogistune was especially cruel, hearing Stiles’ internal pleading as he begged the Nogitsune to spare you. He heard Stiles’ scream as the blade entered your body and left it with a swift tug. He allowed Stiles to take over for a brief moment, just to see the life fade from your eyes. 

I love you, he had said, tears flowing steadily from his eyes. 

I know, you whispered, your soft smile quickly turning into a grimace from the pain. 

He had wanted to say something, say anything to keep you alive, but for the first time in his life, his mind was empty, all of the thoughts scattered away. And he was helpless, as he clutched you in his grasp as you took your last breath.

He rapidly blinked away the building tears and took a deep breath before closing the magazine.

Star Wars was always your thing, but he couldn’t tell his girlfriend that. Instead, he flashed Malia a thankful smile, and wrapped his arms around her, inhaling her scent that was just a little too sweet and a little too fruity. 

Cause sometimes I look in her eyes and that’s where I find a glimpse of us And I try to fall for her touch, but I’m thinking of the way it was Said I’m fine and said I moved on  I’m only here passing time in her arms 

Hoping I’ll find a glimpse of us.

[rouge-the-bat]

kurama always tries to keep his friends from using his demon name around others in his life, but most of his friends are... not the best at keeping their words in check, to say the least. and i cant help but imagine theyd defintely let a few "kurama"s slip around his mom. when asked by her, kurama just laughs and says its a silly nickname his friends gave him is all.

but shiori knows her son well by now, how hes always been a bit secretive and mischevious (especially in his younger years, when he didnt really open up, and new things seemed to show up in his room on a regular basis that she most certainly didnt get for him). to try to get to the bottom of as many things as she can, she needs to be observant to fit pieces together.

and so she listens. not trying to eavesdrop on her sons conversations, of course, but its hard not to overhear conversations thatre in the same room as you, you know? and its hard to stay far away, when she can finally see her dear shuichi, whos always been so distant with his peers, now laughing and joking around with close friends!

there are times they speak in hushed tones that she cant pick up, and as curious as she is, she wont pry or invade to listen. kids do need privacy, after all, and she wont push her sons boundaries.

on the occasion though... these hushed words take the form of her son whispering into his best friend's ear- the one that is around the most, hiei- and followed by what looks to be a blush forming on said friend's cheeks. a very curious devlopment, for sure.

shes noticed this happening some time after theyve started being much physically closer when they spend time with each other- quite a notable change, considering his little friend seemed uncomfortable, or maybe even replused by such closeness before. she still remembers when she first gave him a hug, and hiei stiffened up like she froze him solid. it hurt her heart to think what could have made the boy react like that to affection... it makes her happy to see hes opening up with her son now though.

sometimes she overhears their friends- yusuke in particular- teasing the two about dating. (she has her suspicions of the same, certainly, but figures shell let her son come to her about it when hes ready- if her assumptions are correct, that is) when hiei gets annoyed and wants their friends to leave, they playfully accuse him of "wanting alone time with his boyfriend," causing hiei to fluster and tell them to shut up. shes even spotted her dear shuichi blushing a few times at the insinuation of dating hiei- and shiori cant help but think how adorable those two are together!

then finally, one day yusuke and kuwabara join up for another round of teasing, starting to sing "kurama and hiei sitting in a tree!" and finally, shiori makes a connection hearing her son's "nickname" right beside his best friend's name- those are also the names of two mountains relatively close to each other! unaware that kurama is not actually a nickname of his, she figures she must have found the right conclusion- and she melts at how cute it is, starting to go by a nickname that matches his probably-boyfriend!

[the-s1lly-corner]

could I um.. request the whole alphabet with gangle.. take your time :))

The fluff alphabet w/ Gangle (Full!)

so sorry it took me so long to get to this! i got back to my computer just now and decided to whip up a masterlist/begin one before working on requests again! i must admit gangle is a hard character for me to write, so if some letters seem lackluster, sound repetitive, or whatever, i apologize in advance </3

ABSTRACT- if you ever abstract gangle will be absolutely beside herself, overcome with grief. i dont think she would abstract, though. she keeps to her room, her comedy mask long forgotten. broken or not, she cant bring herself to put it on. she feels bad, why didnt you reach out to her? did you feel like you were a burden? did you think she wouldnt be enough to save you? thoughts like that eat her alive

BONDING- you two draw together, sometimes even making comics with each other! i saw a few posts where gangle loves to draw, and draws in an early 2000-2010s anime art style and i absolutely love that. you guys just do that, when you have the free time

CUDDLING- neither little nor big spoon, gangle is simply. ribbon. its like cuddling ribbon, there isnt much to be said in that regard. kinda cold but thats because ribbon doesnt really carry heat. wraps her body around you

DATES- drawing dates! similar to the bonding segment, but you guys make it a point to draw things for each other. you even get to bust out some paints. yipee! ends up in you two drawing each other. so many painted hearts

EMOTION- gangle is definitely the more emotional one between the two of you, especially if shes wearing her tragedy mask. not much to be said, gangle is a cry baby and i dont mean that in a bad way

FAMILY- should the two of you ever escape the digital world and find each other, you two would definitely get married! as for children, i honestly dont see gangle as the type to have kids, but thats just a me thing

GIFT- really nailing the art stuff deep, gangle draws things for you all the time. but i can also see them being into origami! they make you paper hearts and little critters, bows and crowns, things like that! gangle loves receiving gifts as well, unsure of what she would like, though

IN HOUSE ADVENTURE- the only reason she wouldnt spend all of her time with you on an adventure is if she gets paired up with someone in a group (ex. her sticking with kinger after jax put them together), since i feel she would be too scared to speak up about it, even if shes starting to gain more of a voice thanks to your influence

JEALOUSY- gangle doesnt really. get jealous. at least not in the "traditional" way, to be more accurate, she gets sad. i mean, she knows shes a crybaby, she knows shes frail, but she wouldnt want to make you feel bad that she feels bad. please give her a lot of reassurance :(

KISS- lets play my favorite game! admins favorite hc for characters with no normal mouth/lips! she gently doinks her mask against your face; careful not to hurt you and to not accidentally knock off her mask! loves giving you cheek kisses, loves receiving forehead kisses

LOVE LANGUAGE- gangle feels loves when you reassure her that you love her just as she is, as well as when you spend time with her. gangle shows her love by making you gifts and fawning over you

MENDED- should you ever come back from being abstracted some how, all those thoughts that plagued her mind are now voiced. she cant help it, she feels so bad for dumping her grief onto you the second you're retrieved from the cellar. but she cant stop herself. poor girl is going to wrapped around you, literally..

NO- please dont be mean or rude to her she will feel very bad, even if you're just teasing her or joking. she already has to put up with everyone else (well, mostly jax)

ODDITY- when the comedy mask is on, she can light up a room, well, kinda. we dont get to see her with her comedy mask but i think shes loads more cheerful with it on, and perhaps even a smidge more confident in herself, when the mask is broken she can take a quick nose dive. its not so much thats it weird, more so that its a bit jarring at how big the change is

PDA- very shy about PDA, but i think ultimately if you want to hold her hand she wont object!

QUIET TIME- one word, drawing. but also i can see the two of you just being able to lie in bed with each other in comfortable silence

ROSES- PAPER ROSES PAPER ROSES! i may have a soft spot because i myself used to make origami flowers, but i think she would give you a bouquet of paper flowers. she would be over the moon if you gave her some, she looks like a dandelion enjoyer (like the yellow ones, but i think she would also like the white fuzzy ones)

SHH- loads of secrets, a lot of them tying into the jealousy segment. gangle probably also doesnt speak up about when someone is mean to her, opting to stay quiet in order to not cause issues or drama. please help her break that habit

TUNES- it might be because ive been listening to jack on loop, but this is the first one that comes to mind:

UPSET- when she gets upset she just wants to be comforted and held; when you're upset shes ready to do everything it takes to help you, just say the word and she'll do it... the image of gangle confronting someone for your sake has just flashed through my mind, though i think that may be the one thing she wont do... would love to see it though

VALENTINE- paper hearts. you two decide to go to the digital carnival together and experience some of the themed attractions... namely, the ferris wheel.... should i bring up everyones favorite ferris wheel trope...

WANT- she wants someone who wont think shes some. weirdo. and who thinks shes worthwhile

XOXO- little love notes, similar to my idea for ragatha! though gangle is more... eh, about it, since she fears you might be turned off by it

YEARN- id say in the middle, since she can respect your space and whatever it is you need to do, and she has to admit herself there are times where she wants to hang out with someone else or be alone; and thats perfectly okay!

ZZZ- likes wrapping her entire body around you, head to your chest. she doesnt really move when she sleeps, too entangled around you to do that. probably snores very softly

[may-bee-its-just-me]

✨Trauma dump sesh;

but make it classy because effort was put into the wordage and I cant count how many takes i did for the recording

"I’ve a naturally hyper personality; I dance while I work, sing while I clean and I try to brighten everyone’s day. I get asked why I am the way I am. “Oh it must be the coffee, that’s why she’s so quirky again after her lunch break”. Truth is, I push myself to my limits daily and crash by the afternoon. Any spare physical energy is immediately used up; taken advantage of. I’m a one woman circus act walking the line of energetic and productive, over a hundred ft. drop into despair, with nothing but the safety net that is God’s grace to protect me. I go through swings like nobody’s business, taking the highs as they come; Until I swing too high and fall out the back of my seat. In rough waters, I take every moment above water breathing heaps of fresh air up until the millisecond the next wave engulfs me; Breathing salt water with it. I’m Icarus, taking my temporary wings for a joyride; Flying too close to the sun. Sometimes this worries people. They ask if I’m okay, seeing me hunched over the kitchen table praying for another ounce of strength. They want to help but, seeing as how it’s daily, I tell them “same ol’” and let them move on with their day. And, when they ask me why I haven't seen a doctor after a year, I haven’t much to say. I can’t explain it, I don’t have the energy and they won’t understand.  People look at me like I’m crazy. My knee jerk reaction is to deny. I’m not crazy, I’m just struggling, I’m trying really hard, I’m. Not. Crazy. But the truth is, who wouldn’t be? No one understands how hard it is to live every single day in pain, until they experience it themselves. To have every motion of your hand matter. To have every action, reaction, tone of voice matter. To be ever conscious of every maneuver your body makes -  trying to limit mistakes and dropping things but still go fast enough to keep up with your job. To be hyper-aware of every micro-adjustment to your posture; In hopes that one of them makes the pain lessen and allow your mind to focus on something else for a moment. And, when needing to lift heavier objects, be careful not to lift too long or to speed-walk with them too fast, lest you cause your arms to flare up again. And, when the flare up inevitably happens, how much of the muscle spasm in your shaking hands do you allow others to see in hopes of being cut a break, but not enough that it makes your work sloppy? What do you do when your mind is fuzzy, and the room is spinning - Your heart is beating harder and you’re losing your balance - Your ear keeps ringing intermittently, and your chest feels heavy - You think you’re going to pass out, but your body isn't ready - and you don’t want to, but your heart rate still unsteady - you’re catching yourself from falling, and you’re just trying to get through the work day - So you’re stuck in limbo, between conscious and fainted - Until eventually it tapers off and you begin to question; Am I somehow faking it? Did it ever even happen in the first place? You make mention of everything hurting, all the time, just for older family and coworkers to joke about “becoming an adult - Not understanding just how deep that cuts, or what they’re really joking about. . I’m exhausted. I’m broken. I’m weak. I’m frustrated. I’m burnt out. I’m beat. I want to rest, but even after a long day of hard work and minimal issues - The pain creeps up when I lay my head down for sleep. I don’t want to be a miserable person, I don’t want to be consumed by my struggle. I want to keep hold of faith for healing, stay hopeful for better days. I want to spread joy. So I break my body to keep up in the day, deal with the consequences by night, and repeat in the morning. I’ve a hyper personality, tied down by my body. A personified contradiction, walking a tightrope, swinging forward and back, halfway underwater, too close to the sun."

~ Bee, 11/20/2024 [Wannabee poet and rich person]

[cas-skz]

Captivated

Kang Yeo Sang x Female Partner (Yeo Sang POV)

Summary: People always say guys and girls can't be "just friends". For 16 years you've been "just friends" with her. One afternoon, you decide to change that

Word Count: ~3k

Tags: Mature Content, Fluff, Smut, Angst (for one whole second) Childhood Friends, Male POV, Public Sex, Unprotected Sex

Written By: @littleforeignaffairs

You look down at your watch, the seconds hand ticking in circles so many times you’ve lost count. You sigh softly, leaning your head back against the wall. It’s been over an hour in this store alone, you knew that she had other stores in mind too.

“How many more?” You ask impatiently.

She showed up at your dorm early this morning. All it took was one sad look and her cooing “Yeeeoooo” for you to give in to her. The plan was for her to go shopping with one of her girlfriends for a blind date this evening. Last minute, her friend cancelled and she came to you. Being best friends is really getting problematic, at least for you. You absolutely can never say ‘no’ to her. She doesn’t even have to act cutesy, or beg you; though it gives you a spark of pleasure when she gives you that special attention.

She pulls open the dressing room door, her face cringing. She looks down at the dress, smoothing it over her body. You look her over, but when you make eye contact, you both burst into laughter.

“Next!”

“Yeah yeah, I know. Just thought I would try it” She returns to her cave, shuffling through clothing items. You lean back on the wall once again, letting your eyes close slowly.

“Yeo?” She murmurs softly

“Hm?” “Thank you”

Your lips pull, curling up into a smile.

“For what? Letting you bore me to death with your insufferable shopping habits?”

You can hear her laugh quietly.

“You always put up with me” “Well you decided at 7 years old that I was your friend. I didn’t have a choice” “And you still don’t” She laughs again

It was always jokes about how you “put up” with her shenanigans and attitude. But the truth is, there’s nothing you love more than having her in your life. You always felt it was so cliché, the whole in love with your best friend/girl next door story. But you could never deny that that ridiculous RomCom idea became your life.

You have no idea when it happened. Sometime through middle school your feelings of friendship began to feel more intense. Things she did slowly started to have new effects on you. Silly things. Like seeing her keel over in a hearty laugh, or seeing her cry when her first middle school boyfriend broke her heart after one week. As many times as you tried to deny the thoughts and suppress the feelings, you were always unsuccessful.

Just like those cheesey RomComs, you never wanted to risk your friendship with her. She means too much. So you settle for unrequited love. Which is exactly how you end up in situations like your current one; helping her pick out a dress for another man.

“Ready?”

You nod, knowing she cant see you. You stay still, hearing the click of the lock and creak of the door opening. She doesn’t say anything. You open one eye slowly, the silhouette of her body coming into view. Your stomach clenches inside you when your eyes finally focus. You straighten up, hands dropping to your side.

“So?”

This is a girl you’ve seen in a variety of outfits. Halloween costumes. Pajamas. Prom dress. Bar outfits. This dress though, stopped you in your tracks. You don’t know if its how the greenish blue looks against her milky skin. The deep v neck line, that allows her clavicles and sternum to be shown off. Or how the fit of the dress suddenly makes every dip and curve or her body more prominent. You breathe in deeply, taking in the woman in front of you as long as possible.

Your heart beat echoes loudly in your ears, it took you a moment to realize that she was talking to you. You blink a few times, refocusing yourself. You notice the concern on her face

“Is it that bad?” She turns, looking at her reflection in the mirror.

“No.” You croak. You run your tongue over your lips and through your mouth, trying to moisten it. “You look..” You half laugh, struggling for words. You can feel the heat flushing your cheeks, a sudden rush of embarrassment.

Her gaze catches you in the mirror. She smiles a little, looking over her shoulder to you.

“Are you blushing!?” She turns to fully face you, coming in closer. “Do I look hot? Sexy?”

You rub the back of your neck awkwardly while she teases you. Though her words are playful, her smile as she looks at you is nothing but adoration. She’s always teased you, it makes her happy. And you couldn’t stand in the way of what makes her happy.

“You think he’ll like it then?”

With that, the feeling is gone. The excitement is replaced with jealousy and pain. You take a deep breath, holding it in your lungs for a moment. You nod, exhaling

“Yeah. I think so…” Your words are quiet, but you do your best to save face. She’s happy, so you should be too.

She lets out an excited squeal, drumming your chest with her hands before heading back to the changing room. You exhale a small laugh, forcing a smile. For a moment, you really lost sight of what was happening here. She brought you along to find an outfit for another man, and you let you feelings cloud your view. You hit your head, gently, against the wall. You pinch the bridge of your nose, cursing yourself in your mind.

Fucking idiot.

A tiny frustrated groan travels out of the dressing room.

“Yeo? Can you help me?”

Without thinking, you push yourself off the wall, over to her door. You open it, walking right into the room. Her hands struggle behind her back, attempting to unzip her dress.

“It's jammed. I can’t move it”

You nod a little, swatting her hands away before taking the zipper in your fingers. You stare at your hands, fidgeting at the zipper. You’re painfully aware of how cold your fingers feel grazing against the warmth of her back. After a moment of tugging, the zipper slides down, releasing her bare back. The colour rushes back into your cheeks.

You raise your eyes to look at her in the mirror hanging in front of you. Your eyes scan her body again, then stop at her face. She still wears the same smile.

“Beautiful” You whisper

Her brows knit together, a gentle laugh leaving her lips

“Huh?” “You asked me, do you look sexy. Do you look hot” You purse your lips slightly, shaking your head. “You look beautiful”

Her smile dissipates. She turns slowly to face you. Her eyes shine of something you’ve never seen before. Curiosity and concern.

“Yeosa-“ “Can you not go?”

You feel selfish, greedy, dumping this onto her out of nowhere. But the feeling of jealousy started to overwhelm you once she mentioned him.

She stares at you blankly, stunned that you had requested such a thing. Your eyes look over her expression, and slowly down her body. A feeling of vulnerability must have filled her,as her hands clench the dress against her body. Your eyes halt on her somewhat bare shoulder. You raise your hand, the tips of your fingers touching against her shoulder, shifting the strap of the dress to the side.

You take a step in closer to her, seeing goosebumps rising on her shoulder, up her neck. You meet her eyes once again. Her pupils dilating, darken her once bright eyes. Her lips part slightly, her breathing becoming audible. You watch as her eyes shift between yours and your lips. You feel a haziness cloaking the dressing room. An uncertainty about the next step taken by either of you.

The silence is unsettling, and you can no longer resist. You cup her cheek with one hand, bringing your face down closer to her. She doesn’t move. Part of you had hoped that she would pull back, because there is no turning back now. Your nerves eat at your stomach while milliseconds feel like minutes. Your lips finally meet hers. You don’t kiss her, no, not yet. You let your lips linger over hers, grazing over them.

You feel her lips shift under yours. She’s cautious, just like you. You feel her hand touch against your stomach, curling into your shirt. Her touch has always been comforting to you, but in this moment you only feel yearning. You raise your other hand, cradling her face completely now. You finally press your lips to hers, exhaling through your nose harshly. It feels like a punch to the stomach, but a pain filled with so much desire.

You feel the weight of her body sink into yours. Her lips feel so supple, gently working with yours. You don’t want to stop. If you stop, she has time to regret this kiss. You feel her lips carefully moving from yours. She moves slowly, your lips partially sticking together as she tries to separate from you.

You lick your lips, looking over her face to find her expression. She keeps her head low, her eyes closed to avoid your stare.

“…. Can you not go” You whisper again.

You chew at your bottom lip, lifting her face gently to look at you. And that’s when you see it. She opens her eyes finally; they’re welling up with tears. You breathe in sharply, the sight of her twisting a pain of guilt in your chest.

I fucked up.

“I’m sorry” You start, stammering over your words “I crossed the line. One I knew I shouldn’t have tested. I shouldn’t ha-“

She wraps her arms around your neck, harshly pulling you down back to her lips. She kisses you, hungrily now. Your senses feel like they’re going haywire, with her lips so needy and her body pushing up against you. It’s as though electric currents are shooting under your skin.

Your kisses are messy and uncoordinated, but somehow its working for you. Maybe its because of the sudden desperation that had erupted in the small cubicle of space. Pent up tension and emotion finally being set free. You feel your pants becoming restricting, the sounds of heavy breathing and sucking sounds echoing in your ears.

Her hands slip underneath your shirt, finger tips sliding over your bare skin. Your stomach twitches under her touch, a burning sensation tickling you. You try to stay focused. Trying your best to not let your brain become blank. You struggle more and more, feeling her hand fall. Over your skin, your belly button, hip bones and waist of your jeans.

Your heart is ready to explode from anticipation, and she’s barely touched you. You want to look at her, see her expression as she touches you. But you don’t want to stop. You rest your forehead against hers, breaking the kiss. You open your eyes slowly, she’s already looking at you. Her face is beautifully flushed; lips swollen and eyes glistening. You watch her as her lips part slowly. Her eyes look over your face, attempting to read your expression as her hand finally lowers over your crotch. Your cock twitches under her touch.

Applying pressure carefully, she curls her fingers, grabbing hold of your still hardening cock.  You bite down on your lip, not wanting to make a sound. Not just because you’re pressed together in a department store changing room. But also, not wanting her to know how easily you turn to puddy with her touch. How easily you give in to her.

She tests you, her fingers moving up to the top of your jeans. She tilts her head a little when you feel the sensation of her tugging at the button of your jeans. You clench your fists by your side; so badly you want you rip that dress off her. You already knew how much of a brat she could be, but adding the sexual aspect to her regular attitude gives you thoughts that make you want to go absolutely feral.

Her hand slips into your pants, straight for skin. Her fingers are warm, wrapping around your girth to pull you free. You press your lips together tightly, both of you looking down at your throbbing hard on. A rush of heat fills you when she starts rubbing the tip of your cock. Your pre cum had already dampened the fabric of your underwear, and her teasing is only making you leak more.

You look at her, watching her eyes glow in awe. Your cock begins to twitch from her teasing touch. You’re sensitive, and eagerly waiting for her hand to fully wrap around you. She taps at slit of your head, stringing your precum. A little smirk pulls her mouth. She raises her head to meet your gaze. You watch as her hand meets her lips. She parts them slowly, and pushes her finger past them to suck her finger.

An unintentional groan rumbles in your chest and you furrow your brows with pleasure and desperation. You grab her waist, effortlessly scooping her up onto your body. You hold her against the wall, wrapping her legs around your waist. She holds your face with two hands, pulling you to her lips. She wastes no time in letting her tongue play against yours.

You slide your hands under her ass, squeezing gently. Your hands fit perfectly over each cheek. She moans softly against your lips, pushing her hips over yours. The heat radiating from her dampens your pelvis, all you can think about in this moment is how she’s going to feel.

You spread your fingers from one hand, letting them explore closer to her pussy. You reach the warmth of her panties, and slip one finger under the silky fabric. Your finger glides easily over her opening. Her body suddenly jerks, pressing into yours. She gasps a moan, head falling back. Your cock bounces from her response, hitting her clothed opening.

Your second finger, slipping past her panties, teases her entrance. Her face flushes and she bites at her lip. Slowly, you slide your nimble fingers inside her. She whimpers, and fuck, if it wasn’t the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard.

She turns her head, burying her face into your neck. It’s not like her to be shy, definitely not with you. But with your fingers inside her, so easily dripping down your hand, there is vulnerability. Her body trembles against you as you slowly move your fingers.

Her breath is hot against your skin, but it gives you goosebumps. You keep your fingers at a slow pace. Her soft walls clench with each pull out, a quiet whimper emitting her lips. You can feel her hips start to grind down on your hand.

Your cock throbs underneath her. Desperately, you want to feel her wet, tightening walls around you. You can’t help but hesitate though, you already risked a lot.

Cautiously, you take your fingers from inside her, giving your cock a few pumps with her self made lube. She raises her head to look at you. Her eyes look desperate. You lock your gaze with hers, guiding your head against her opening.

“Yeosang” Her voice is breathless and uneven “Don’t..”

You stop immediately, moving your cock away from her. She shakes her head violently.

“No” Her arms tighten around your body. Her hips move to find you again. “No. Don’t tease me”

She touches her forehead to yours, grazing her lips over yours before kissing you deeply. A gentle moan travels from your lips to hers. You hold your cock, lining your head with her opening once again. This time, she doesn’t wait for you. She shifts her hips, pushing you into her.

You wince with pleasure, her tightness pulling you in. She breaks her lips away from yours, head hitting back against the wall. You breathe in through sharply through your teeth, trying to calm your entire being.

“Shit” You groan.

Your cock pulses inside her, the euphoric feeling being incomparable to any other thing. You grab the back of her neck, pulling her face back to yours. Slowly, you roll your hips. The dressing room, once silent, is now filled with heavy uneven breathing.

She tightens her legs around your waist, keeping her body as close as possible. Her hips work in unison with yours, clit rubbing against your pelvis. You cup her face with one hand, and run your thumb over her parted lips. They feel dry, but still so soft.

You watch as her face becomes more and more flush, a shimmer of sweat building over her skin. She purses her lips, giving your thumb a gentle kiss and biting it in turn. A short, guttural groan vibrates your chest. She takes this as a sign, knowing her next step.

She nudges your head to the side, leaving your neck open and bare. She buries her face into your skin as she did before; this time you feel the sting of her teeth sinking into you. Your knees buckle beneath you. You slap your hand against the wall to provide support.

Unconsciously your eyes close, matching with an almost whimpering moan. Her lips drop to rest on your skin, you can feel them curling. She’s smiling. Proud of herself, you assume, that she was able to render such a response from you.

She sucks at your neck, guaranteed she’s going to leave her mark. You rest your forehead on her shoulder, the knot in your stomach tightening with each swirl of her tongue. She feels wetter, your cock slipping against her so much easier than when you first pushed into her. She tightens her walls around you, and you gasp a moan. It’s your turn to bury your face into her neck. You breathe her in deeply, another moan falling from your lips when she refuses to release you.

“Don’t” You murmur into her skin “You’ll make me cum already”

Her fingers knot in the back of your hair. Simultaneously she pulls your head back, and nudges your head with hers. Her eyes look heavy as they meet with yours.

“I want you to cum for me” She whispers

You almost stop your movements. You swallow hard, searching for more in her expression.

“You’re sure..”

She tucks your hair behind your ear, running her fingers over the rosy markings by your eye. Carefully she cradles your face, placing a gentle kiss on your lips.

“You’ve always been so oblivious” Her breath is hot on your lips “Please, Yeo. Make me cum with you”

She kisses you again, this time deeper. Not eager as you both were in the beginning. There is more emotion in how she feels against you now. Your body grinds against hers, and hers into the wall. You’re sure that any other person in the store can hear the rocking and stumbling of you two.

You couldn’t care any less.

With her lips working with yours, and your arms clinging onto each other tightly; the building could be on fire, and you wouldn’t care.

You feel her reaching her peak before you. Her breathing becomes more rigid, her kisses becoming less fluid. The noises she makes, you’re doing that to her. They’re sexual. Sensual. She moans your name softly.

“Look at me” You murmur back.

She pulls her head back slightly. She looks as though she’s ready to pass out. Her face is flushed, hairs sticking to her skin. Her body begins to tense, squeezing you close to her. Her moans raise in octaves and volume. Your cock thickens inside her, your own groans mixing with hers.

“Yeosang”

She gasps. Her body shakes against you. Her walls convulsing feel amazing, suctioning, pulling you deeper. She whimpers when you thrust into her harder. Your own body seizes, your cock finally releasing inside her. You groan deeply, your thrusts turning quick and hard with each pulse.

She relaxes in your hold. You slowly start to lower her to the ground, your body heavy and vibrating. The sounds of your breathing echoes through the dressing room. That’s all you could hear; your breathing, hers and the pounding of your heart.

She leans into you. You slip your fingers underneath her chin, lifting her face to look at you. Your other hand brushes back her damp hair. She looks over your face, then let’s out an airy laugh. You grin down at her, placing a soft kiss on her forehead.

Her smile suddenly becomes shy and she slaps you on the chest.

“Hey” You half laugh, placing your hand over where she hit “What was that for..” “You’re stupid”

You scrunch your nose, laughing again. She pushes you back a little to give herself some room.

"Now get out so I can get dressed"

You smirk, looking down to fix your own clothing. You peek out the dressing room door before slipping out. She grabs your wrist quickly before you’re fully out.

“And take me home. Stay with me”

You press your lips together tightly. You nod slightly, feeling your cheeks flush. She smiles wide, letting her fingers graze through yours when she let’s go. You resume your spot outside her dressing room, leaning against the wall, waiting as you have never left that spot.

[kichikichiko]

For you, and you only

A/N: I hope you guys enjoy!

This is my first time writing for cyno so his is a bit shorter 😭

Heizou,Kazuha,Kabukimono and Cyno (seperate) x gen neut!reader

Headcanon,fluff,not proofread, Kabukimono is Scaramouche 😭

♡♡♡♡

HEIZOU ▪︎ analytical harmony

He loved solving puzzles and mysteries and you knew that when you started dating him

He'd take you to events that was specifically made for nerds who loved using their brains

You ended up just following him around though as he did all the puzzle solving 😭

Every once in a while though, you would solve a simple puzzle/crack the code/find a clue and he'd praise you like youre the smartest person ever

Proud bf coming through

But when events like that are not available, he'd make puzzle boxes and give it to you

Inside that said box, would be a little paper filled with sweet little nothings, or just a simple "have a good day today love :))"

Must admit, you look forward to getting those puzzles from him

Its that little thing which makes your relationship all the more sweeter

KAZUHA ▪︎ Scarlet Leaves Pursue Wild Waves

Gentle, poetic, a gentleman and handsome, he is truly the package

What more could you ask for anyways?

That man wants to let you know every waking moment that you are deserving of his love

And what other way would be more romantic than giving you weekly haiku's

He's settled on making one every week so he doesnt overwhelm you too much (which isnt true you love how he expresses his love)

And he wants to make a Haiku that truly resonates how he feels towards you

Kazuha only wants the best haiku's given to you

Alwaya puts his all into it

Because you deserve the world <33 (thats him he is world)

Sometimes, when he reads his haiku to you he'd give you a maple leave, or something he saw that gave inspiration for his latest haiku

You kept them all, youve got a shelf full of the trinkets he gave you as he recited his haiku

And placed his haikus in a special box

His goal for writing haiku's was not only to remind you of his love

But to also comfort you when he isnt around

Kazuha is a wanderer, a ronin, his home is in mother nature and he wants to travel

You understood of course, you would join him in some of his journeys when fate calls for it

But if you cant, reading the haikus he gave helps a lot as if he was truly there with you

His love is with you all the time no matter how far apart you both are

CYNO ▪︎ Judicator of Secrets

When you both first started dating and youre upset, Cyno usually freezes up and stares at you

Dont blame him though, he was afraid anything he did would make you even more upset

He never wanted to make you upset ever

You were his lovely partner he only wanted to make you smile and happy

It was really hard, especially with his serious personality

After a few months though, he finally found a way to comfort you

He'd sit down next to you in silence

Then crack up the most downright horrid joke ever with a blank face, looking straight at you

It never fails to make you laugh

He knew you were laughing at the fact that the joke was bad

But to him it didnt matter because he ends up seeing you smile

You were the only one who actually liked his stupid jokes, and listened to him as he explained it in great detail

You made him happy

It was time for him to return the favour

KABUKIMONO ▪︎ Puppet without a heart

He is a puppet, barely understanding human emotions but always trying his best to be just like them

When you both started dating, he felt more human than he ever did

He adores and appreciates you so much

He wants to be able to pay back all you have done for him

He doesnt know how to though, human emotions are complex and beautiful

Just like Kazuha, he wants to give his all when it comes to appreciating you and expressing his love for you

Sometimes, he'd walk by the shore of the beach

And if by some chance he's lucky, he'd find a seashell that reminds him of you

He doesnt pick a random seashell no, he'd collect all he sees as he walked around

And when he thinks he's found enough, he'll pick the prettiest one that reminded him of you

When he gave you a seashell for the first time and explaining in full detail why it reminded him of you

You almost cried, you appreciated it so much you made it as an accessory

He loved that you brought it around

That man started going out more finding more small things that reminded you of him

Half of the time he has his eyes stuck to the ground finding things to give to you

Everyone teases him for it, but Niwa would always defend him

Kuni just wants to see your eyes sparkle and see you smile when he gives you stuff

He wants to be the reason you smile

He'd spend his whole life time finding ways to make you happier than ever

♡♡♡♡

[ohtobearandomftblog]

can i ask some hcs about sting with a m! s/o who’s also a wizard but refuses to join sabertooth because he doesn’t like guilds?

hed poke fun at you every single time you do or say something where itd be easier if you were in a guild

cant find a good quest for rent? well if you had a job board nearby youd find plenty

gotta figure out how to cook/find a place for dinner? well if you had a bar nearby youd get some good filling food

you wanna see sting every single day? well if you joined the guild he could make you and rogue share a position

dont wanna hear about guilds ever again? well if you joined the guild--

makes sure every time he does mention the guild its either just to vent about the latest bout of property damage charges or its a goofy silly mood and tone

you ever say youre sick of hearing of the guild and he wont mention it for at least three months unless there was an emergency

otherwise talks about wanting to murder all his guildmates and you cant tell if hes joking.

every time he talks to you the first thing he says is a stupid pickup line. something about shining brightly from halfway across fiore or something about hearing your heart beat without the hearing lacrima from his apartment

rogue always makes fun of him for saying that shit

depending on what your magic is depends on what he'll say and give for gifts

holder type like lucy (celestial spirit magic) or cana (magic card)? he'll buy you more of the items you need and/or pouches and clothes with big pockets to store em all in

holder type like levy (letter magic) or macbeth (personification magic)? he'll buy you whatever could help you use it easier and maybe some books to help you get ideas

lost type like rustyrose (arc of embodiment) or ultear (arc of time)? probably only get you a lot of books for ideas on what to make or what NOT to do like last ages. do NOT use that or hes gonna drag you to the infirmary and lightly beat on what hurts the least

lost type like a slayer magic? congrats youre basically only gonna get food. either the type that everyone can eat or just your element. if its a type he hasnt tried yet he'll probably take a bit for himself

caster type like the strauss siblings (soul transformations)? he'll help you find things to absorb/take over and then get you gifts based off his favorite ones

caster type like happy (aera) or hibiki (archive)? many books and many potions to help with nausea, migraines, etc. and things that could be useful to increase distance or help offensively/defensively

sometimes will just drag you out on a quest and give you half the reward

never invites you over to his apartment but will let you in if you show up. he doesnt want you to see the mess he and rogue and frosch and lector make

lector sometimes goes out to find you alone and just chills with you the rest of the day

if you ever visit sabertooth sting will be ECSTATIC

he'll also try to make the area around you two very bright. sure rogue cant really see him that well through the shadows but sometimes he doesnt want rogue to see you

finds it hilarious whenever you cover your eyes cause its too bright. he wont ever make it bright enough that it could hurt you but he does make it near unbearable sometimes

sometimes he'll show up and just. grab your legs. if you can get one free then he'll make sure you cant get the other free. good luck dragging him around town he doesnt care if his clothes get dirty

you had to go through Initiation. first through all the dragon slayers, then through rogue alone. since you passed, rogue's taken to staring at you suspiciously every now and then to see if you do something weird. if he finds nothing he'll give you some candy (its typically peppermints)

[sannasruins]

blue haired girl

hado nejire x reader

warnings: growing apart, unrequited feelings, abandonment, non-descriptive self-harm, lesbians (the horror!)

a/n: there's a bit of time skipping in this, so i’ve labeled things as their verses in the songs and the years (1, 2, and 3A) + semesters of high school they took place in. is nejire adhd/autistic coded? i cant tell, maybe its because i see the way she is as my normal (adhd) that i cant tell. i'm basing her personality strongly off the wiki bc she really hasn't had that much air time.

word count: 2.9k

inspired by and based on tv girl's- blue hair

Verse 1 - First Semester 1A

You and Nejire met on your first day of high school, class 1A. Both of you had quirks that were more powerful than the rest of the girls in your class, assuming that the two of you thought that you were superior to them and were already looking down on them, they took initiative and distanced themselves from you at the start. This left the two of you with only two options, have no friends, be a lonely outcast for the foreseeable future, or become friends. Obviously, it was an easy choice, and it was nice that the two of you got along well, and probably would have become friends even if you weren’t put in that unfortunate social situation. 

She was a blunt girl, not really knowing when it was the appropriate time, if at all, to say something that she wanted to say. She often ended up saying things that were accidentally hurtful, though if you let her know, she would instantly feel remorseful and apologize incessantly. She wasn’t always sure how to make a joke, often her attempts falling flat, but she was bright, and cheery, and had so much knowledge that she longed to share. You couldn’t help but find yourself smiling at her as you listened to her ramble about the newest thing, she learned that week on national geographic. 

One day, in the middle of your first year, she asked you how to be funny. You were taken aback, and asked her back, “you think I’m funny?” She nodded with a small smile.

You contemplated on how you should respond to her difficultly abstract question, “I don’t think that’s something you can teach.” 

She looked down, her smile falling off her face sent a pang of guilt to your heart. You quickly tried to backtrack, “I think you’re funny though Hado! You’re constantly making me smile and laugh!”. Her eyes met yours, a furrow forming on her brow, you stammered on, “Maybe not everyone thinks you’re funny, but I think that’s true for everyone! You just got to find the people that do think you’re funny and like being around you… like me.” You held eye contact with her despite the bright flush that made its way to your cheeks, ask if you were trying to transfer your conviction over to her.  She brushed off your almost confession with a giggle and a change of topic.

Chorus 1- Second Semester 2A

As you both aged, Nejire started to get more notice than you. Not that you were jealous, you being too enamored with her to care, no, you were just happy that she was getting the recognition you thought she so obviously deserved. It did sting though, when she would turn down your invitations for afterschool dates poorly vailed by you as hangouts. She needed to train though, she would say, and dismiss you with a “next time, okay y/n?”

Sometimes as you left the school building on your way home you would take the long way, past the training fields to watch her for a little bit, training with two boys from your class. You wondered why she didn’t ask you to train with her, to help her. You would never ask though, far too afraid of the answer that seemed to be pulling at the hem of your shirt, demanding your attention. She’s just focusing on training, it’s not like she suddenly stopped liking you. It’s not like she wanted to stop being your friend. It’s not like she was purposely ignoring you. Right?

Verse 2- Third Semester 1A 

The two of you were sitting in a cafe after school, one that Nejire had shown you a picture of on Pinterest and said the two of you had to go for their cute specialty foods. You had gotten a parfait, the cream on top having been manipulated into the shape of a cat, Nejire got a jasmine tea latte, the art in the foam had her swooning and whipping out her phone to snap pictures of it in multiple angles as she told you about her Pinterest page’s aesthetic, you listened along, slightly confused at the idea of people posting on Pinterest like it was a social media but not questioning it. After she had taken enough pictures of both her and your orders, the two of you started on your treats, she took a long sip from her latte and when she placed it back down on the table, she had suddenly grown a distinguished mustache made of foam. It made you smile so hard your cheeks hurt, trying to keep your laugher a courteous volume to the other patrons was exceedingly difficult as she didn’t seem to notice her new facial accessory and was looking at you very confused. In spite of your shakes of laughter you managed to raise a shaky hand to point at your upper lip, signaling to her what you had found so funny. She raised a finger to her top lip, touching the foam and then pulled it back to see what was on her face. Realizing what she had done, her face blushed a warm pink as she quickly grabbed her napkin to wipe it away. You had finally calmed down and noticed that she had missed a little bit on the far edge.

“Nejire, you still have some,” you told her and pointed on yourself where it was on her, picked the napkin back up and scrubbed at her face, but on the wrong side.

“No, other side,” you specified. She again rubbed at her face with the now crumpled napkin but somehow still managed to miss the small smudge of foamed milk.

Not thinking, you rose and leaned across the table, before wiping the white away with your thumb. You sat back down, and without a thought in your head, licked it off of your thumb. 

You noticed her face flush, even more than before, now a hot red; you realized the suggestiveness of what you had just done, and at the same time, felt an explosion of butterflies manifest themselves into your gut. 

She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, looking down with a slight smile on her face, and you reddened. 

The two of you sat in silence for a while before she broke it.

“Do you think I’m pretty?”

You didn’t think before you responded.

“Yes.” You hesitated and then added on, “I think you’re really beautiful.”

The two of you fell back into silence.

The purgatory of not knowing how the two of you felt about each other was horrible, but the fear of rejection, not just of a confession but of you as a person, rejecting your identity, kept you in your place. 

There really was no winning.

Chorus 2- First Semester 3A

It hurt, seeing her every day, but not being able to talk to her about anything and everything in the way that you had grown used to. She was part of the big 3 now, she was revered by everyone now, she was strong and kind and smart and now they were all seeing what you had from the start. It was selfish of you, you knew, but you wish they hadn't noticed. 

She wasn’t being purposefully cruel in her withdrawal from you, she wasn’t doing it to be mean, she had just forgotten, she had just been stretched too thin and something had to go. It was still mean though, and it was still cruel.

You felt the loneliest now, so much so it was almost incomparable. Your days now spent in silence, and slowly falling into the motions. School, train, sleep, school, train, sleep, school, train, sleep. With nothing to break the monotony, life became dull, and you were sinking into a different kind of blue, not the blue of an eye like you did when you first saw Hado Nejire, but into the blue of the mind, getting darker, muddier, harder to see what’s in front of you. 

You became more reckless, not in retaliation but due to a slow building and concerning lack of self-preservation. Often throwing yourself into dangerous positions with villains, jumping solo into fights, you had no probability of winning alone, asking for more and more hours at your internship. It kept it at bay for a little while, the numbness, but as with most things, it did not last. You feared you were slowly but surely becoming a shell of your former self.

You needed something more, you needed to keep yourself feeling, needed to keep yourself human, needed to keep yourself. So, you resorted to means you probably shouldn’t have. Flame, blade, burns, blood. You knew it wasn’t healthy, but it was something. 

On an especially hot September day it was odd to see students wearing their long-sleeved winter uniforms, but not enough to raise many questions. One girl asked, “Aren’t you hot?”, but you brushed it off, explaining that you just ran cold. A bold-faced lie to anyone who knew you, but none of them did. 

As you were working on your lesson book, Hado Nejire walked past your desk on her way to the front of the room, glancing down at you, maybe out of habit, she got a glance of lines of damaged skin, some already faded, but many varying degrees of red. She faltered in her step, double taking, confused as to what she was seeing. Not wanting to cause a scene in class or be caught staring, she almost seamlessly continued walking, and if one hadn’t been watching her, they wouldn’t have noticed her split second reel.

She stopped you by the door after class, and when you tried to scoot by her, thinking she wasn’t aware she was in the doorway, she blocked its entirety with her body, staring you down. She grabbed you by the hand and led you to an unused stairwell as you stumbled behind her hastened pace. You didn’t notice it at the time, but she was especially careful when grabbing you, fearing that she would take hold somewhere that would cause you pain, fearing to reopen possible wounds.

 There was a furrow in your brow as you looked at her, wordlessly questioned why she had dragged you there. She turned your arm over, her hand still holding yours, and gently raised your crisp white sleeve, a gasp of dismay escaping her lips as her eyes raked over your battered arm. She dropped your hand only to quickly grab your other one, pulling the sleeve of that arm up too. You were watching her face as she grit her teeth at the sight, her eyebrows pushed into an expression you didn’t know, one you had never seen before even after all the years you had known her. Her head turned and her eyes met yours, weirdly, you thought, they were filled with tears. 

“Why?”

This pushed some button you did not know you had, and an unexpected, hot rage filled you. 

“What do you mean, Hado?” you did not spit her name, but she flinched as if it was filled with venom.

“Y/n…” she trailed off. You remained silent, seething. 

“This isn’t like you, why would you do this?” 

You didn’t answer her for a long time before sighing, “You wouldn’t know Hado, you haven’t spoke to me in well over 5 months.”

“I’m sorry, I-” her words almost a whimper, but you interrupted her. 

“Please, don’t. I don’t think I can stomach it Hado, I think, whatever you’re going to say next, will only make things worse.”

She clamped her mouth shut, her lips in a pale line, and nodded tearfully, before choking out an “okay”. 

Things didn’t change much after that, though she was more watchful of you, you could, at times, feel her eyes boring into you from across the classroom or training halls and fields, and you started feeling a little different, slowing down in your efforts to drive away the numbness, as the numbness seemed to seep away from you. Less and less, you found yourself feeling as if there was nowhere else to go with a knife in your grasp. 

You also no longer prayed that she would make time for you, disillusioning yourself, and realizing that she was not perfect, though feelings as strong as yours don’t just simply disappear due to disillusionment. 

Verse 3- Third Semester 3A

Her hair had been burnt off, now in a blunt bob, and what once had been marred and blistered skin was now just slightly tinged pink. It still hurt you to see though, quietly observing. She was different now, bolder, more self-assured, Maybe, you mused, something had been burnt off along with her hair. You were different now too though, you were better. You had sought counseling, speaking to the trusted hero you were interning under, and they helped you find and utilize resources to mitigate your mental health. You felt lighter, you were still lonely, but you were now a little bit more at peace with your solitude, and less afraid to put yourself out there, slowly becoming friends with the sidekicks at your internship who were just a couple years your senior. 

Chorus 3- After Graduation

Sometimes you would see her on TVs in coffee shops, or in ads in magazines, though if you looked you could find yourself too, maybe not as often, but still there. Both of you were making a name for yourselves in the hero world. 

You had started dating a pretty sidekick from your agency, she was one of the first people you had befriended when you started putting in the effort to get better, she had been there for you through many bad nights, and many more good ones. You really, truly loved her. And yes, sometimes you would miss your first love, but not in a way of current longing, but for a past. You would never leave your girlfriend though, even if you got the chance to go back, even if they told you everything would turn out the way you had begged and hoped and dreamt. Those were no longer your dreams. 

It was in line at a coffee shop that you ran into her. She looked nice, more mature, gracefully slipping into her early 20’s, face less youthful, but still bright with a smile. 

The two of you chatted as you waited for your orders to be taken, and continued afterwards, as you waited for them to be made. 

She was direct in her flirting, touching your arm, complementing you, laughing a little too much at things that weren’t that funny. You did not reciprocate. 5 years ago, if she had been doing what she was doing now, you would have been over the moon, indescribably happy, but now, you didn’t feel much of anything at all. You were flattered, maybe a bit annoyed, but the feelings were so watered down, so muted that you could barely describe them as anything. You were happy to talk to an old friend though. 

“We should hang out some time,” she told you after your orders had been picked up from the counter and the two of you started towards the front doors, “go on a little afterschool date like we used to.” She smiled and winked.

You politely smiled back at her and opened your mouth to reply, when your phone started going off, the ring tone you had affectionately assigned to your girlfriend, playing. 

“Oh, sorry it’s my girlfriend, let me answer real quick,” not waiting for a response from Nejire, you picked up the phone.

“Hey love, what’s up?” You inquired through the phone.

“Are you almost home yet?”

“Yeah, I just picked up your coffee from the coffee place two blocks down.”

“Oh yay! Thank you baby, see you soon, I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

You ended the call and turned towards Nejire apologetically, “Sorry about that!”

You exited the shop, Nejire holding the door open for you, and stood next to her on the sidewalk, close to the building and out of the way. 

“Oh!” you realized you hadn’t answered her question yet, “yeah, it would be nice to hang out and catch up.” This time, hangout had no hidden meanings or crossed fingers. It was purely platonic. “I miss you,” she confessed. Your eyebrows shot up in surprise, you were really never expecting her to say that. 

“I guess things ended up differently, not the way I wanted I mean.” she clarified. “It’s hard seeing you in the news, or in my fashion magazines, but not being able to see you in person anymore. I just… miss you a lot y/n, even though you’ve not gone anywhere.”

You hmm and nod, “you’re right, I haven’t gone anywhere. That was you, Hado Nejire. I’m proud of you, you're becoming a great hero.” You smiled at her softly. She stood, unmoving, looking at you, maybe waiting for something more, but you were no longer the person who would be able to provide that.

“Well, I need to get going before all this ice melts,” you shook the iced coffee in your hands, “or my girlfriend will have my head.”

“Oh, uh, okay” she stammered. 

“Message me! My numbers still the same, if you still have it. You could meet my girlfriend too, I think you’d like her, she’s amazing.”

Nejire nodded, watching your figure as you walked away, bitter jealousy and remorse making their home in her sour stomach.

Hi! I know it may seem like I am romanticizing self-harm in this but I promise I am not. As it is something I have struggled with for many years I am just reflecting my own struggles and thoughts, and trying to represent a mental illness as what it is. That doesn't mean it is something you should do, and if you struggle with it and are tempted after reading, here are some healthier alternatives. Please do not hurt yourselves, lovelies.

[mcytshippystuff]

(/rp, not irl!) OKAY SO! What i think about q!Phil, q!Missa, and q!Forever's relationships in the QSMP;

In my head, q!Philza and q!Missa started out as just co-parents when they were assigned each other to take care of Chayanne. Then they became more like, platonic husbands but I wouldn't say queerplatonic? Like, they felt getting married was just easier but didn't really have the relationship or level of commitment/care a Queerplatonic or romantic relationship would have. Then they started caring for each other, spending time together and having fun, and entered a weird in-between state of tbh they could go either way ya know?

Then Missa started catching feelings. He didn't mean to, honest! But just, the way Phil would worry and cared for him and their son, the time they spent together, how could he not fall for the Death touched Angel? But he wasn't ever sure how to broach it, sometimes he felt as if Phil felt the same but other times it was obvious Phil didn't so it was just a mess, and he wasn't willing to ruin what they had.

(More about Phil's feelings and Forever's part in all this under the cut, its long sorry not sorry lol)

Meanwhile Phil is both Oblivious and very in denial about any feelings, or people trying to point out there may be feelings at all. I'm unsure if id stick q!Phil on the Ace Spectrum or romance just isn't a priority (or if he's just resistant to the idea of it for whatever reason), but either way he cant fathom the idea that people have actual feelings for him, nor that he might have them himself, so he doesn't really look too deep on his feelings and often brushes them away if he's presented with the idea that it may be real.

So what if being with Missa feels like they were the only people in the world? If the way Missa takes care of their son gives Phil light fuzzy feelings in his chest? If having to say goodbye for who knows how long felt like a hole was punched in his chest, and when he came back Phil suddenly felt like the weight of the world was lifted? He cares about his friend, his platonic husband, that's it! Its def not anything romantic pssh that would be ridiculous...

Meanwhile q!Forever, oh poor Forever.

Admittedly in the beginning it was mostly a joke. The resemblance to Brunim, while at first glance, may be strong but to Forever they didn't look alike at all once you got close, in all the small ways that mattered most really. It was funny to tease and poke and get attached to the lookalike but then oh, oh how it stopped being a joke. (Forever refuses to think about there's a good reason why him and Brunim are apart, for both their own sakes)

And maybe, just maybe, for a while it was becuase how much Forever missed Brunim that he got attached to q!Phil, that he started to feel feelings for the man, but if you look close you can see those feelings started to become real, he honestly and genuinely started to fall for Philza. No more mirror images to chase, no, now Phil felt like standing in the heavy rain, every drop stinging but it was so so cleansing, healing, refreshing. Every time Forever got him to laugh felt like a personal victory he'd ride the high of for days, and every sharp, hurtful word was taken with a forced laugh or fake smile and it would linger and haunt his mind.

Forever tried, he really did, but it felt like nothing he could say or do would convince Phil of his real feelings, often slipping up or saying the wrong things and it was Forever's own damn fault, nobody to blame but himself. And maybe he didn't handle this all the best, maybe got to obsessive or said things that went to far but to be honest Forever didn't really know love any other way and was trying to unlearn the worst parts of himself the best he could. It didn't help Forever is really prone to self-destructive behavior when things are going good. And he tried to leave it be, he promises he tried to give up, to let go but the blond Angel had rooted himself, utterly and entirely into Forever's heart and he couldn't bring himself to cut his love for Phil out.

And q!Phil? Well, it was complicated becuase he did genuinely like the man. Forever was funny and for the most part the "crush", if he could call it that, was amusing at best and just annoying at worst times, and even if Forever was annoying or often went too far, Phil knew there was a good man there. He saw it when Forever gave it a rest and they'd have conversations that would last forever. He saw it when Forever would make him laugh until he couldn't breathe or when Forever took care of the eggs as fiercely as Philza did and when the man cried becuase he was so upset at even the idea of loosing any of the kids, and every lose hurt personally. And though he didn't often think to hard on it, sometimes when the other blond would smile or laugh, Phil felt like he was being shone on by the sun, warm, bright, burning, piercing, overwhelming. The quiet moments when Forever would drop all pretenses and masks and just let himself be, in happy, soft, or sad moments made Phi's chest sing.

But Philza couldn't ignore how the fact he was just a stand in hurt in ways Phil wasn't able to explain and to be honest didn't understand why it bothered him so much, it was never a big deal until it suddenly was. Every time Forever assumed something about him or didn't bother to figure out just was another stab in the heart and Phil just got so angry at the fact that Forever tried to say otherwise, but ultimately his affection wasn't real, and he didn't like being played with. Sure he didn't think Forever was doing it maliciously but he just wanted Forever to just stop! Stop how it hurt, how confused it made Phil. He just wanted it to stop being so confusing, to stop questioning these feelings buried deep within his chest. Plus even if wasn't so complicated, some part of him recognizes he also cares deeply about Missa and since they're married, even if its just platonically, its a commitment Phil is committed too so it feels like a betrayal.

Someone tell this man about the wonders of Polyamory!

Meanwhile Forever and Missa are mostly cautious but also a bit hostile towards each other at first, becuase that's competition in their eyes, a threat of their loves, but in the end they chill becuase they realize its neither of their choices and also the other isnt... bad per say. Maybe they even have a understanding becuase they recognize they both love and care for Phil. Maybe they even come to like and even care about the other in the future, who knows.

So, tldr;

Phil has feelings for both Missa and Forever, some more complicated then others, but he both refuses to admit it to even himself or even fathom he could like someone, let alone two people, and his view on Forever still only liking him becuase of his ex made it a lot more complicated becuase he feels hurt. But he has two hands, that's important to remember!

Missa is very in love with Philza but is both too hesitant to say anything, lest he ruin their relationship they have now, and becuase he's been away so much. He really didn't like Forever, both becuase of the "he just likes me becuase I look like his ex" becuase it clearly hurt phil, but he chilled a bit when he realized Forever wasn't a bad person, just complicated and did really love and care for Phil as well, and being hostile towards each other just made Phil more upset. Now they're cool, if not a bit sure about each other, and maybe even come to like or care for each other too later but who knows.

Forever originally liked Philza becuase he looked like Brunim as a joke, and maybe even some of his infatuation started becuase of it too, but he really did come to see Philza as his own person and come to care and even fall in love with Phil for real. However Forever recognizes he's messed up a lot and often still does, but he's trying so hard to both be better and give Philza space but he cant stop loving Phil no matter how hard he tries. Same as above for him and Missa, its complicated but Forever has chilled and is trying hard to work on his jealousy issues. He thinks Missa isnt that bad and might even come to like or care for each other too later but who knows.

Later on, once they all work out their issues and Phil both stops being a oblivious fuck and realizes that Forever really does honestly and truly love him for him, they end up in a polyamory. Its Philza dating them both but maybe end game has Missa and Forever dating too idk lol.