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ourtearsofrain · 3 months ago

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The Barbarians (D.R.W/S.FK) - Chapter 2

Pairings: Danny Wagner x Sam Kiszka

Genre: angst, hint of hurt/comfort and familial/platonic fluff

Word Count: just under 3.2k

Warnings: AU typical events/threats/violence (later in the series), family issues, borderline alcoholism? (we may have another Haymitch situation), goodbyes to families

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Who Is the Wiser to Help Us Steer?

Sam

Electra leads both Sam and Hazel back into the Hall of Justice before they’re broken apart into separate rooms by Peacekeepers, who say nothing as they close the door behind him. Sam waits for five minutes until he hears movement behind the door, opening only seconds later as his parents and sister file in, a Peacekeeper at their heels. “You have three minutes.”

Sam’s mother is the first to walk up to him, hugging him tight as she grins up at him. “I’m so proud of you, honey. You’ve made your father and I so proud, and I’m sure the twins will feel the same when you see them. They’d be here right now, but you know you’ll see them soon.”

His father steps towards him next, offering a light hug before slapping him on the back. “Go out there and win, kid. Can’t wait to introduce myself as father of three victors, that’ll be something! Now, hate to break this off so fast, but your mother and I want to go see the twins one last time before they leave for The Garden.”

“Oh.” Sam’s smile falters, his heart dropping. He knew it wouldn’t be the last time he saw them, they all knew he would win. But their dismissal still hurt. “Yeah, ok, I understand. See you guys in a few weeks.”

“See you soon, Samuel. We love you.”

“Yeah, love you too.” And just like that, they’re gone. Off to see their victor sons. Sam stands in silence with his sister for a moment, not knowing what to say to her.

Finally, she breaks it. “You know even if you do win, you’ll always be overshadowed by them, right?”

“Excuse me?”

“You’ll always be the Great Kiszka Twins’ little brother. People will always see them before they see you. Don’t think I don’t know why you volunteered, little Sammy wants a slice of the spotlight, right?”

Her words cut him deep, slicing through his confidence easily. “No- You’re wrong, I’ll make a name for myself, you’ll see.”

“I guess we will. See you in a few weeks, Sam.” She gives him a brief hug before leaving the room, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

She’s wrong, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She’s just jealous. When I win, she’ll be the one cast to the shadows, the only non-victor sibling. Sam repeats these words in his head as if he were trying to convince himself of them, slowly regaining his confidence. He finally pulls himself together, back to the mentality and the excitement he had had before his temporary goodbyes as he’s retrieved from the room by Peacekeepers, joined by Hazel again.

As they’re led to a car that he knew would take them to the train station, he avoids her eyes, feeling her staring directly at him as he focuses his attention on whatever Electra was saying. He couldn’t care less about her words, he knew they were only meant to impress the tributes, her voice bright and animated as she rambled on about what they would experience at The Garden. Sam didn’t care right now, he needed to see it with his own eyes. He wasn’t some nobody from a lower district, he was a Kiszka, a Career; it would take more than words to impress him.

He tunes back into her words when he catches “mentors” as the train car doors close behind them, excitement coursing through him at seeing his older brothers. Not just seeing them, he didn’t especially care about that, he had lived with them his entire life. He wanted to see them as a tribute, he wanted to hear their praise, see them proud of him for once. He knew he could win, he knew he would win, but he needed to know that they knew these things too.

Electra disappears into another car as the train shifts beneath them, slowly beginning to gain speed until the landscape beyond the windows becomes nothing more than a blur. As he feels Hazel hovering over his shoulder, he moves to sit down on one of the many comfortable chairs scattered around the car, praying she wouldn’t follow. Unfortunately for him, she does, nearly toppling over the chair in her haste to take a seat. Finally, Sam can’t take it anymore, fixing his annoyed gaze on her, his tone short and frustrated. “What the fuck do you want?”

“What? I- I don’t want anything, Samuel.”

“Yeah, alright. Is that why you volunteered? Is that why you’re following me around like a lost puppy, waiting for me to throw you a bone?”

“I’ll have you know that I didn’t volunteer for you.” Sam doesn’t believe it for a second, only cocking his eyebrow, his message clear. “I didn’t! The tribute I took place for, Serena, was just a kid. She wouldn’t have stood a chance in the arena.”

“You mean Seraphina. And what makes you think you have a chance, huh?”

Her face reddens as she’s caught in her lie, scrambling to recover. “I uh- well, first of all, I’m 18, and a Career, we've only been training for this for years. Plus, it hasn’t been a secret that your brothers are mentoring us; The Garden loves them, we’re bound to get loads of sponsors from that alone. And I have you at my side.”

“And what makes you think I want you as an ally in the arena?” If anyone’s gonna get in my way, it’ll be her. The question is, do I play along for as long as she’s useful or kill her as soon as I can?

“I- what? Why wouldn’t you? We’re from the same district, Samuel. And I’m fantastic at throwing knives, you’ve seen it. Never missed a target.”

“Fine. I’ll consider it.” Despite his unamused expression and clipped tone, her face lights up, satisfied with the bare minimum from him. Before she can say anything more, they hear the car doors open behind them, three pairs of footsteps making their way towards them.

“Well, well, well. Fancy seeing you here, Sammy.” Sam nearly breaks his neck whipping his head towards the voice, seeing Joshua approaching him with a grin, his arms open for a hug. He shoots out of his seat, practically sprinting over to his brother to embrace him. “Knew you couldn’t keep yourself outta the games, how you feeling?”

Sam pulls back, still smiling as he looks down at the man. “Fantastic. How are you feeling, Joshua? Ready to mentor the best tribute you’ve ever got the pleasure of knowing?” As Joshua barks out a laugh, Sam searches for his other brother, his heart dropping when Jacob completely passes him, making his way towards the glass decanters filled with different colored liquids without so much as a glance at him. “Hey Jacob, how are you?”

“Oh, you know.” He raises the bottle in emphasis, pouring the liquid into a crystal glass. I wish he wouldn’t wear those goddamn glasses all the time, can never tell what that man is thinking or feeling. It’s all those years in the spotlight getting to his head, thinks he’s better than us or something.

“So, what advice do you have for us?” Hazel inserts herself into the conversation, feeling left out amongst the brothers. The twins exchange an unreadable glance before sitting down across from her, Sam following suit and returning to his seat.

“I mean, you guys have been trained for this, you know Careers pretty much always win. Use that training, charm the crowd to get sponsors, and don’t ever hesitate when you see a chance to kill in the arena. Confidence is key.”

Jacob scoffs at his twin’s words, taking a long drink from his glass before focusing his attention on Hazel and Sam. “Sure, you may win, but remember that only one of you can win. Accept the fact that one or both of you will die, and even if you do make it out, you’ll have to live with everything you do in that fucking arena for the rest of your life. Every goddamn minute of every day.”

“Seriously?” Sam could tell that Hazel shared his sentiments, choosing to voice them for them both since they were his brothers. “That’s all the advice either of you have?”

“Yup, cheers, mate.” Jacob raises his glass as if he were toasting Sam, downing the rest of its contents quickly. Joshua only shoots him a pointed glare before plastering a smile back onto his face.

“Ignore him, he woke up on the wrong side of the bed. And I mean, yeah. What I said is pretty much the advice we got, and we won. You guys will do great if you just use your training, and like I said, charm the citizens and sponsors. Oh, that reminds me, Samuel, you’re gonna love The Garden. I’ve wanted to take you for years, I can’t wait to show you around.”

As Joshua begins to ramble on about how amazing The Garden was, all the sights he wanted to show him, Sam zones him out. He keeps a pleasant smile on his face, hoping he wouldn’t realize it wasn’t reaching his eyes as they became distant, his mind circling the disappointment seeping into his bones. Is that seriously all they have to say, all they have to offer? No ‘Congrats, I’m proud of you. Here’s how we’re gonna get you through this’? Nothing? And what the fuck is up with Jacob? Isn’t he happy for me? He’s acting like I just signed my own death sentence. Does he have no faith in me?

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Were Your Young So Spry When They Left to Die?

Danny

Danny ignores everything around him as the escort leads him and Daphne back into the Hall of Justice, completely numb as Peacekeepers take him into a separate room, closing the door firmly behind him. He doesn’t snap out of his daze until Josie enters the room with David behind her as she runs towards him, once again tackling him in a hug. “You have three minutes.”

Fuck. Only three? How do I say everything I want to say to them both in only three minutes? Josie tries to speak, only choking on her sobs as she clings to Danny. Just as he had done in the square, he bends slightly to look her straight in the eye, his hands holding her face as he tries to hold himself together. “It’s gonna be ok, Josie. I promise. David and his family are gonna look after you while I’m gone, ok? They’ll keep you safe and fed. David can teach you how to hunt, you’re old enough to learn. Now, I need you to find the place I grow our crops at, ok? It’s just past that tree we found about a 20-minute walk from our house, the one with a twisted trunk, remember? Don’t tell anyone else about it and don’t let anyone see you go there. Ever.”

“Ok, I remember.” She takes a deep breath to compose herself, tears streaming down her cheeks as she looks up at him. “You have to win, Danny. You have to come back, ok? Please. You have to.”

“I will, Josie. I’ll be back before you even have a chance to miss me, promise.” Danny knew he was lying, he knew he had no chance against the Careers. He didn’t believe a word he said, he only prayed that his sister did. He turns his attention to David next, embracing him as both men fight tears. Dropping his voice low so that Josie wouldn’t hear, he leans in next to his ear, his words barely above a whisper. “Thank you for taking care of her. And don’t let her watch the games, I don’t want her to see me- I don’t want her to see if anything happens to me, alright?”

“Ok, yeah, I won’t. I’ll keep her safe for you, Dan. I promise.”

Danny leans back, David’s hand still holding the back of his neck. “Thank you.” As he hears what he knew must have been Peacekeepers outside the door again, he moves back to Josie, wrapping his arms around her for one final time as he holds back his tears. “I love you so much, Josie. Don’t ever forget it.”

“I won’t. I love you too. And Danny, thanks for taking care of me all these years. I know I don’t say it enough, but you’re the best big brother I could have asked for.”

Danny’s tears finally escape his eyes, rolling down his cheeks as he held on to her for as long as he could. “Of course, you’re my sister.” His stomach drops when he hears the door open again. His time was up. This was the last time he would see his little sister and best friend again, and he hoped they wouldn’t remember him like this.

As the Peacekeepers file in and begin pulling them from the room, Danny calls out to them one final time. “I’ll see you guys soon, ok?” The door is slammed behind them, leaving Danny alone once again. He brings his hand to his mouth to muffle his sobs, not wanting to risk Josie or David still being close enough to hear him through the walls. He didn’t want them to hear or see him like this, he didn’t want them to know how terrified he was, especially Josie. He wanted her to hold onto the hope that he would come back to her for as long as possible, right up to the moment that David would have to tell her that she’d never see her big brother again.

Think about something else, anything else. Danny rips his mind away from his previous spiral of thoughts, afraid that if he let himself think of how she would react to the news, how she’d have to live on with her entire family dead, he wouldn’t stop sobbing until he took his final breath. He’s given the perfect distraction when the door opens again, a Peacekeeper silently standing there, clearly waiting for him. He moves across the room without a word, joined by Daphne, tears still staining her cheeks as they’re led to an awaiting car.

I’ve never been in a car before, do people in The Garden actually have these? They just drive where they want to go, they don’t walk? Seems lazy. Danny tries to pay attention to the escort, who introduces herself as Sable Timber, his dread overshadowing all “excitement” she claimed awaited them in The Garden. He glances over at Daphne, her eyes wide and locked on the seat in front of her as she sits unmoving. Wondering if she had gone into shock, his question is finally answered as the car stops in front of the train he guessed would take them to The Garden, Daphne scrambling out of the seat next to him as if she wanted nothing to do with him.

“Now you two make yourselves at home, I’ll go find your mentor.” Sable leaves them, disappearing behind doors that automatically open and close for her, leaving the two tributes alone. Danny’s eyes nearly pop out of his head as he takes in the train car, his attention darting around it. There was too much to focus on, too many expensive things for just one train car. He doesn’t notice Daphne scurry away from him and into a large, comfortable chair as anger wells in the pit of his stomach. All this food could feed David’s family for weeks. I bet that fucking set of silverware costed as much as I make in a year. Are they trying to rub their wealth in our face? They must be, even though we’re tributes, they need to remind us that they’re still better.

To prevent him from further enraging himself, Danny moves across the car as it begins to move, sitting down next to Daphne. Confusion flashes across his mind as she flinches, her eyes trained on the ground. “Hey, you’re Daphne, right?” She looks up at him with wide eyes, terror written across her face as she nods slightly. “Nice to meet you, Daphne. I’m Daniel, but my friends call me Danny or Dan.”

She says nothing, that terrified expression still stuck on her face, her tears catching on the light. Danny thinks for a moment, trying to figure out what to say to comfort her, to make her less scared. “It’s ok, I’m a friend, if you want. I’m not going to hurt you.”

“You’re not?” Her voice is small, quiet as she slightly relaxes.

“No, I’m not.” Danny offers her a warm smile, trying everything he can to convince her. It broke his heart that she was already terrified of him because he was another tribute, possibly the only one that wouldn’t try to kill her. “I know I look big and scary, but I promise I’m nice. Can I tell you a secret?”

“Mhm.”

He leans towards her slightly, looking around their surroundings as if he was making sure no one else would hear. “I’ve never left District 7, so I’m a little nervous. I’m leaving my friends behind, so it would be nice to have a new one in The Garden and in the Arena.”

“You can be my friend.” Her words are still cautious, but Danny can see that she was slowly warming up to him, her fear gradually leaving her body.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I’d like a friend in there too.”

“Thanks, Daphne. I feel better already, I’ll bet no one will want to mess with us, what with how strong you must be.”

As she laughs, Danny can see her fully relax; well, as relaxed as she could be in the given circumstances, and his heart soars to know that she would at least have one person in her corner. “You’re funny, I like it. You remind me of my brother.”

“And you remind me of my sister.” He keeps his tears at bay, not wanting to cry in front of her. He needed to be strong for the both of them now, she needed to see that he would be able to take care of them both. “Which is why I’m gonna do everything I can to keep you safe in the arena, alright? If you want, we can be allies. I’ll make sure none of the other tributes do anything to you, if you do the same for me. Deal?”

“Deal.” She grins at him, his broken heart slowly mending. He meant it when he said he was going to keep her safe. If any of the other tributes wanted to get to her, they’d have to get through him first. He knew he was already a dead man, so when he died, he wanted to go out protecting someone he cared about. Danny only hoped and prayed that if something happened to him, she’d have enough time to get to safety. If either of them was going to be a victor, he knew he would ensure that it was her.

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Taglist: @jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka @milojames16 @gretnavannfleet @aioba1503-sdm @sanguinebats @cheersdannyx2 @musicislove3389 @holdingup-fallingsky @Maddie-Rae

#greta van fleet #greta van fleet fan fiction #gvf fic #daniel gvf #sam gvf #sanny gvf #greta van angst #sam kiszka x danny wagner #sam kiszka #danny wagner #hunger games au

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xiuxxvisims · 3 years ago

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so your PTs are missing from your sims’ family trees? how to fix with simPE!

DISCLAIMER: i figured this out myself messing around with simPE and i’ve only been playing around with this programme for a few months so i’m not fantastic with it... but this is how i fixed my PTs and alien sims when i accidentally opened my hood with no cc.and therefore no multiPT mod...

first. backup your hood!! back ! that! shit ! up!!!! we will call this backup 1. i backup my hood by right clicking and selecting the winrar option ‘add to N006.rar′ and rename to the date usually but this time. fixPTtutorial. no excuses for not backing up!

now that you’ve backed up let’s get into it!

things you need: sims 2 (duh), hood checker, simPE, a bit of patience!

!! you need to run hood checker first and allow it to delete the broken family ties otherwise simPE will get an error when you try to open your alien sims’ family ties !!

when i broke my PTs i ‘fixed’ it in a way where i just removed the borked relationship using hood checker and then manually removed a broken memory from the two sims who had been abducted.. they basically had a memory like ‘met unknown sim’ and it kept showing up in hood checker like ‘sim does not exist’ but hood checker couldn’t/wouldn’t delete it. so probably do that first.. it should be somewhere close to the abduction memory. just open the sim’s description, select more>open memories, and slowly scroll through until you find the broken memory and remove it. commit the change.

my original process for this was a little more fiddly because i didn’t know of this trick pointed out to me by curiousb and found by mootilda here that makes it so simPE should show the multiPT’s names and portraits. if you follow this then you can skip to ‘part 2′

Part 0

find your multiPT files in your downloads and COPY them (not move) from downloads into your hood’s ‘characters’ folder. for me that’s sims 2>N006>Characters. this will make it so that simPE can show the names of the PTs and if portraits are generated it can also display portraits

look at my guys all hanging out.. you do want to leave them in the downloads folder so that they’ll be added as PTs to any new hoods created but you’ll also have to copy and paste them into all your hoods’ characters folders if you want to see their info in simPE... now you can skip forward to Part 2 because you don’t need to do the step where you identify each PT (unless their portraits don’t show in simPE) it could still be beneficial to read through Part 1 because i don’t go into as much detail in Part 2 on how to add the family ties but you won’t have to do the STEPS in Part 1

Part 1

the multiPT mod PTs are listed in simPE as ‘unknown’ which makes it hard to figure out which is which. for me apollo (born after the cc-less game disaster) had the same PT as ujin and arina so i could easily just add them to this PT’s family tree. for my other alien sim i just guessed and added her to a random PT because i don’t even remember who her PT is lmao.

if you don’t have any sims born since the family tree break/you don’t want to just add them to random PTs like i did with eunji you’re gonna have to do a trial run. (please backup your hood before u start, ive already warned u!!!!) by simply adding one sim to each of the PT’s family trees, opening your game and checking the family tree to see the portrait and noting down which PT you linked to which sim. this will probably be quicker if the test sims are all from the same household. i also think it is best to choose non alien sims as test sims just so they can stay on the family tree until you’re fully finished fixing your aliens!

NOW adding a family tie is relatively simple. open the PT’s family ties. from the dropdown menu at the top make sure its set to ‘[all households]’ and scroll down until you find the party of unknowns hanging out with toddler new year (if they’re located in the same place as mine...)

next locate your test sims on the left (i think this will be easier if you DONT use your aliens because that way when you’re adding the correct family ties you won’t have to remove the test sims until you’re sure you’ve got all the right PTs) right click on them and click on ‘add [sims name]’ (my simPE cuts this pop up off but i assume the end is like to family or something..) the default relationship will be sibling

for the sake of the test sims it doesn’t really matter what the relationship is set to because we just want them to show up on the family tree. hit commit in the bottom right and repeat for all your PTs (i’m just doing 3 here because my other PTs already have their family ties fixed.) commit any changes and close simPE make sure you save the hood before you close/as you close

!! now backup your hood AGAIN (this is backup 2) !! with the PT family ties edited but don’t replace backup 1. this secondary backup is just so you can safely open your game with no cc so it’ll load quicker. we’ll be restoring this backup immediately after we check the family trees in game.

you can now remove most of your cc from your downloads but make sure your multiPT mods are still in there! all of them! i have a few folders i always leave in my downloads and my multiPT mod is in one of these. i learnt my lesson! they might look something like this:

launch your game and see how quickly it loads w/ no cc and wonder why you subject yourself to a 45 minute load time when things could be so much quicker... and now we can see which PT is which! and also that hilariously one of my PTs is called ‘Pollination Last Name’ lmao??? and we can laugh at how silly my sims look without cc. ALSO i was confused why there were 5 ‘unknown’ sims in my hood but the unknown sim i added to frankie’s family tree didn’t show anything in game so i’m still non the wiser for what that unknown file is (also it’s gone from the family ties menu now and crashes frankie’s family tree so i’m ASSUMING it’s a remote control car cc that i’ve since deleted.. luckily i backed up my game so it doesn’t matter). but moving on

!! RESTORE back up 2 !! so the cc-less hell you just created is gone but you still have the family ties we just created

Part 2

open simPE and you can start adding your actual alien sims to the right PT’s family tree the same way you added the test sims. (select the PTs family ties, locate the alien sim on the left, right click and add to family tree) but this time choosing child ! this will add PT as the alien sim’s Parent B.. which since i don’t have any alien sims that need fixing right now just gives my test sims two parent bs

once you’ve added all your alien sims to the correct family trees you can remove the test sims. you’ll need to do this on both the PT’s family tree AND the test sim’s family tree to properly remove the relationship!

commit all changes and save your hood! the last step is just a little bit of garnish if u like. i don’t think it’s necessary and what we’ve done up until now should fix the family tree with no issues. so this can be Optional.

Part 3

when an alien sim is born the game by default sets the PT to ‘know’ the parent sim and has the child sim set to ‘family’ like this (ALSO when i was looking at an old backup of my hood before i borked my PTs.. the PTs get memories of their child too like my PT had a memory of ujin being an over achiever in school......... it’s so sweet...... i’m not fixing that shit tho i don’t have the patience)

to do this correctly for each PT select their family ties so you can see which parents and children you need to add relation to. then right click on the PT on the left and choose ‘open sim description’ i assume it’s description,, again,, simPE is cutting off this menu

choose ‘relations’ select the family of the sims you want to add and make sure ‘not related’ is ticked to have the sims show up. for this test we need to add saeed as ‘known’ since he’s the parent and georgia as ‘family’ since she’s the child

this is super easy! just right click on the sim and choose ‘add relation to’

the default relation settings need to be changed however. for the child i had to change spouses to parent. untick known and only tick family on both boxes and change not defined to child. i’m not sure why it said spouses.. idk if i accidentally changed that from the default before i took the screenshot or if simPE was just weird because they have family ties...

for the parent the default settings should be absolutely fine

when you’ve finished this for one PT go back to the family ties, locate the next PT and open their sim description by right clicking and selecting ‘open sim description’. it’s a bit of a convoluted way to open the sim description but it’s the only way i’ve found to ensure you’re opening the CORRECT PT’s sim description.

commit your changes and save! close simPE and your PT and alien childrens’ family ties should be fixed! if all goes to shit for whatever reason restore backup 1 and start again...

as i said at the start i’m new to using simPE but if you have any questions about this i will try my best to help! so don’t hesitate to ask. i hope this is helpful and you can fix your family trees with confidence!

#shit.txt #sims 2 #the sims 2 #simPE #tutorial

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the-enamorando-deity · 4 years ago

Note

Switch of dynamic because I think you are getting bored of my Ziva requests 😂 Sara Lance x Reader in which Reader takes Sara with to family dinner and they think they gonna meet her new boyfriend (they don't know she is a lesbian, she didn't came out) and when Reader tells them at dinner that Sara is her girlfriend and she is really in love, her father don't respect it and they get into a non physical fight? Reader runs away and Sara learns her father some respect (not physical) ❄

hi hi hi again hope ur well and this is ok

sara lance x reader, warning/tw for homophobic parent

The Difference Between Love and Respect

You sat between Sara’s legs facing away from her, her fingers moving expertly through your hair as she braided it for you. She playfully tugged it once she’d tied it, earning a smack to the leg but a laugh nonetheless. That was what she had been hoping for, the tension about your upcoming dinner making you feel a little more down than your usual round of emotions.

‘Thank you for doing this with me, babe,’ you mumbled, leaning your head back against her shoulder, ‘you have no idea how much I need you there by my side.’

She kissed your cheek and wrapped her arms around you, holding you for just a moment to give you some extra strength to hold onto for the night ahead. It was time to go, she helped you stand before you turned to extend a hand. You seemed to pull her a little too hard, since she came crashing into your chest, but the smile on her face said otherwise.

‘You look...’ you started, but she leaned in to kiss you, silencing whatever comments you had been thinking of for the past few minutes. ‘Mmhmm, that’s the word.’

‘Shut it, you,’ she grinned against your lips, tugging you after her.

You appeared in the streets of your hometown, holding Sara’s hand like it was the only thing stopping you from descending down a dark never-ending hole. In some ways, she was, but all those thoughts vanished as you watched her staring up at the sky with the biggest grin on her face, watching the stars vanish between leaves as you moved.

‘We’ve lived here since I was seven,’ you noted, holding her hand and pulling her close as you neared your childhood home. ‘They don’t know... about me, about us.’

‘I know, babe, you prepared me for everything. It’s going to be okay,’ she reassured you, but you gave her a look that said you weren’t so sure yourself. ‘No, really, if they do anything dumb, I have my knives.’

You turned to her and tried not to laugh, only half sure she was serious. ‘Sara, seriously?’

She only grinned back, wrapping her arm around yours and dragging you through the streets. You both stopped outside the door, panic starting to set in. She reminded you softly of all the things you’d done since joining the Legends, how strong you were, and that you could handle it all.

Your mother opened the door, beaming at you as she dragged you into her arms. ‘Y/N! I see you made it safely-’

She stopped upon seeing your girlfriend on the stoop, offering a wave and a smile. ‘Hi, Mrs Y/L/N, I’m Sara.’

‘Sara... Oh, of course, I think Y/N mentioned you,’ your mother fumbled, studying her quickly before looking behind. ‘Your father said you were bringing someone special?’

Before you or Sara could say anything, your siblings appeared from all sides to surround you, followed by your father. His face was stern, unchanging as Sara stepped inside and took off her coat.

‘Hi, Dad,’ you managed, standing stiffly as you backed up and stood beside Sara.

‘Who is this? I thought you were bringing a man home,’ he asked, his words as stiff as your posture.

Sara stepped forward and extended her hand. ‘Aw, Y/N, did you forget to tell them?’

You panicked as your parents exchanged glances, your siblings none the wiser as they ran off down the hall. ‘I... um...’

‘I’m afraid I’m the only company your daughter brought along tonight, but I’m sure her partner wanted nothing more than to be here and meet you,’ she smiled, somehow managing to turn your parents on her side, assuaging their concerns about the real reason Sara was there.

‘Dinner is on in five, Y/N will show you around, Sara,’ your mother assured her, nodding politely towards you.

Sara grabbed your arm and tugged you behind her, and you hid the smile on your face from your watchful parents. Your father still wasn’t fully believing your story, but if you weren’t going to address it, the problem was to be ignored.

It was ignored, of course, until after you’d finished dinner. Sara’s hand had stayed on your thigh almost the entire meal, rubbing calming circles on your thigh and offering smiles and anecdotes that both revealed less dangerous things about your job, while also concealing the more secretive things that were only for you to know.

‘Sara, might I ask, have you met Y/N’s boyfriend?’ your father prodded, poking at the remainders of his meal.

You swallowed, and grabbed Sara’s hand beneath the table.

‘I have met her partner. They’re wonderful,’ she grinned, ‘very funny, talented, all around well-liked person.’

Trying hard not to smack her leg for the concealed bragging, you watched gears turn in your father’s head. Your mother was a little less suspicious, but your father’s views were the ones you were scared of.

‘What’s his name?’

Sara stopped, this was something she didn’t exactly have the tact to slip around. She wasn’t exactly the best liar, but this just stumped her.

‘Her name is Sara,’ you blurted, grabbing Sara’s hand tight. ‘Sara is my girlfriend.’ ‘Excuse me, young lady?’

Shaking, you stood and looked him dead in the eyes. ‘I love her, Dad. You don’t know Sara like I do, she’s amazing. She’s everything you ever wanted for me-’

Your siblings vanished from the table, sensing the rising anger in your father. If his silence was terrifying for Sara, then the yelling was going to break her heart. Your mother only sat there poking at her food, eyes squeezing shut as your father screamed and hurled horrid words and insults at you, things you’d heard him say to others, but never to you.

‘She’s a woman! You should know better than to be tempted by the same sex, you were taught since birth that it was wrong. You bring this into my home, under my roof, and try to tell me that I wanted this? I never wanted this, and I don’t want to see you here again!’

He didn’t stop, no matter how many times you tried. You couldn’t hear anymore, grabbing your things and racing for the door. You were down the street in a flash, but Sara didn’t chase after you, not yet. She instead stood from her seat and leaned across the table, locking eyes with him.

The fierce cold that you’d only seen once or twice seemed to shake him for a moment, and you only wished you’d seen it. ‘You have the most wonderful daughter. You were blessed to have her in your life, and you have no idea what you’re missing. She is the kindest, most beautiful person I have ever met, and you cannot dictate the love that she shares, because it isn’t yours to give.’

He was silent, but he went to speak again, and she held out a finger.

‘Don’t you dare contact her again, unless it is with love in your heart, if you have any left at all,’ she threatened, the knives hidden in her outfit forgotten, her words cutting as she told a truth he needed to hear. ‘I love your daughter very much, and I’m only sorry you will never get to see how happy she is without you.’

She disappeared out the door, only popping her head back in for a moment. ‘Thank you for having me in your home, Mrs Y/L/N, you’re a great cook. Your husband is as lucky to have you as he is the rest of your children.’

With that, the door shut, and she chased you down the street. You were silent as the pair of you returned to the WaveRider, hand tangled in hers as she led you to the bed. Laying in her arms, your tears were frozen behind your eyes, until she coaxed them out with a kiss to your temple, her understanding and compassion enough to make you feel safe.

‘You’re okay, love,’ she whispered, undoing your braid and running her fingers through your hair until you fell asleep in her arms.

taglist: @marvelfansince08love @mymarvelwomen @imnotasuperhero @natasha-danvers @veteranwerewolf95 @monihaswritersblock @natasharomanoffswife @xxxtwilightaxelxxx

#asks #anon #❄️ anon #answered #fanfiction #sara lance x reader #white canary #sara lance #dc #legends of tomorrow #writing #aaaaaaaaaaaa #lmao i hope my writing doesnt do that thing where it comes true for me #but also #i hope it does

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bielbraganca · 3 years ago

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#HSHQTASK048 ––– ROLE MODELS

"SON, when you GROW UP Would you be the savior of the broken The beaten and the damned?"

He said, "Will you defeat them? Your demons, and all the non-believers The plans that they have made?"

Vanity and ego prevent Gabriel to have idols –– it’s foolish, as he would say. He does have people he admires, athletes, people he works with and even friends. But, when it comes to have role models and people he looks up to, those are the ones he fears the most, but not in a threatening capacity. It’s only because he is terrified of disappointing them. He knows respect is earned, loyalty is laid upon people you trust and those people are your family. He is part of a dynasty and there is nothing more dignified than that. Gods among men.

KING HENRIQUE II

“There's nothing as important as family, son. Always remember that.”

Invisible ink penetrated his skin as the words fell past his father’s lips on that afternoon. He was only ten years old, but the weight of that conversation as King Henrique kneeled in front of him to teach the boy how to tie a tie, stayed with him till this day. The only time his father kneeled in front of him as equal, protected by the walls of his office where no one could see. Always remember that.

Gabriel is the first to admit that he has not always remained true to that, self-guilt for wanting to vanish and remain away from his parents and siblings, confined in a world where royalty did not exist and it was only him, to answer and to act upon his wishes. While most look for the fairytale, he wishes upon the (somehow) ordinary. Although he did not have all the obligations his older sister had, he still felt trap into a life he did not want, but love and loyalty are something you cannot run from and God, he does love his parents and siblings more than anything else, an all-consuming feeling that is capable to turn even the good ones into doing things he does not wish to; he would die and kill for them.

“There's nothing as important as my family sir, there will never be.” He replies, his soft features now turn into a straight and serious expression. “Sometimes, I go blind into my emotions and as someone once told me, they will be my rescue and lifeline. The only people I can trust.”

He never felt alone or unloved, he grew to be who he is because of the love and the values his father has envelop him from very young. Gabriel has never been jealous of the close bond between Henrique and Barbara, he had no reason to be when his father has made sure to give him everything he needed, including the freedom to be and to make his own decision. He never admired someone as much, respected someone as much. It’s earned, it’s a mutual exchange. Henrique took him to his first kart racing, to watch F1 for the first time, taught him fencing and playing whatever game together became their own language. Even when time are unease, when things aren’t exactly as they imagine, there’s no one Gabriel looks up to most.

CLICK HERE.

BARBARA DI SAVOIA DE BRAGANÇA

"Henrique in heels and meaner words” BRAGANÇA, gabriel.

His eyes flicker as Gabriel sneaks over his shoulders, suddenly mesmerized by the power that emanates through such a younger figure as she chases him down the hall of their home. The five year old knew better than to provoke her like that, but it was ineluctable, to get a reaction from his older sister –– it was to his own amusement. Yet, he knew no harm could come his way if he stood next to her and he swore to never leave her side, he was going to grow up one day, and become strong, wiser and to be more like Barbara. Until the end of the line, he would remain stand there and be one of her biggest fans.

He is not good with words, expressing his feelings verbally to another or declaring it out loud in big gestures. And, if you are Barbara, the language spoken is very unique because they have their own way of understanding each other. They fight and five minutes later laugh at something stupid the other did and it’s all forgotten, their text exchanges consists of pictures sent without a single word sometimes. They are more likely to have dirt and embarrassed exposed of the other than anyone else. From a very young age, Biel has put Barbie into a pedestal, but he will never dare to say it out loud, ever. He is allowed to have the tough conversation, to annoy the life out of her and loves to pick a fight from time to time just cause he can. However, don’t you dare try do her any harm, you won’t live to see the next day. There is a very good reason why he is also so protective of Dani since birth, he feared and hated the possible backlash the entire thing could take. He never once blamed Barbie. And it may not appear as so, but he values her opinion a lot.

CATARINA DI SAVOIA DE BRAGANÇA

"against authority. except for my mom."

One of the first memories he has is more of a feeling than a clear image. It’s the warm sensation of being in his mother’s arms while a song is played in the back and her thick accent mumbles along with it. ‘Keep on smilin' 'Cause when you're smilin' the whole world smiles with you.’ To this day, sometimes he does lay his head on his mother's shoulder, close his eyes, and allow himself to be transferred to that moment, in her safety, he can allow being vulnerable.

Catarina di Savoia is a fierce and powerful source in their household. While with Henrique he took the funniest and layback side of him, the hidden side of Gabriel is a work of Catarina and maybe the reason why they get along so well even in their disagreements. She didn’t make it easier, but she loved him even when he didn’t feel like he deserved or felt worth of it and that was most of his youth. But he knows, it’s within him, he puts the hours, he does the work and he stays focused to achieve what is necessary, but that doesn’t mean he needs to display it –– it’s easier to hide that facade. Yet, if she knows, if she is proud then it’s enough for him. He grew surrounded by those powerful women, all badasses and he isn't afraid of being in their presence of one or being diminished by them. His mother is the base of everything. There’s no other like her, no one that deserves to be worshiped as much.

CLICK HERE.

#hshqtask048 #had to get to my old talks with evy and my app for this but is finally out there #this is base for the psyche task

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narniadynasty · 4 years ago

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Susan Pevensie + Tropes

The Conscience - The Conscience describes a character type whose purpose is to act as the hero's (or other characters') conscience and moral touchstone, the person they consult to check that they're doing the right thing. Common when The Hero doesn't trust his own moral judgment.

Martial Pacifist - A martial artist that is peaceful, disciplined, kind, personable, and probably good with children.

Disapproving Look - Sometimes, when you need to show your disapproval, you don't need to speak. All you need to display your disapproval is that look. It's not quite an angry or tense look; it's more of a look that says "really?"

Team Mom - The Team Mom basically acts as the mother figure for everyone else in the group, regardless of age or family relations. Although the role itself is traditionally female, the Overprotective Dad or older brother can qualify for Team Mom, and the same goes for a Cool Big Sis who grows Older and Wiser. In many cases, she actually is a parent or older sibling to at least one other character.

Xenafication - The polar opposite of Chickification and a subtrope of Adaptational Badass. We all know girls will need role models, so what do you do when you're adapting or sequelizing a work from a "less enlightened" time? Make your female lead into an Action Girl! The title comes from Xena: Warrior Princess, who is not an example but rather the inspiration, being something of a Trope Codifier for Action Girl. Xenafication thus can be defined as "becoming like Xena".

Adaptational Badass - There are characters in the media who are known, simply put, for being less-than-dangerous. They might simply be the last competent fighter. They might be a Non-Action Guy/Damsel in Distress. Worst case scenario, they're The Load. When danger rears its head, the character generally beats feet and lets their tougher friends deal with the problem. But then, when the work is being adapted or rebooted, the character is made a bona fide badass. The reasons for this are myriad. One possibility is that characters who were reasonably competent and skilled in their original incarnations had their capabilities and accomplishments elevated in their next depiction, sometimes to an Invincible Hero or Invincible Villain level. This is related to the Big Budget Beef-Up or Serial Escalation, the character is changed to match the intensity of the action.

Icy Blue Eyes - Piercing, pale blue eyes, and sometimes gray eyes, that seem to look right through you. As a reflection of character, this variety of blue eyes indicates the coolness (as in Rule of Cool) or even coldness (as in cold and calculating) of the person who has them.

Aloof Dark-Haired Girl - The Aloof Dark-Haired Girl is a fairly common character type combining both appearance and personality. They will generally be taller than their peers, more physically developed, and their hair will be very long and dark. Frequently, their skin will in contrast be very pale. They look older and more beautiful and meet a certain classic ideal of feminine beauty combining maturity, a quiet attitude and a combination of long hair and very pale skin. The Aloof Dark-haired Girl will not merely look older than her peers, however. Frequently, she will also act more reserved and aloof and thus seem more mature, which may earn her some younger female admirers.

#narniaedit #tconedit #The Chronicles of Narnia #narnia #narnianetwork #mohgif #t. gif #c. susan pevensie

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thebluelemontree · 4 years ago

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Hiya blue lemon it's me again. Do you have any criticism in the way GRRM wrote Sansa in book1/2? EX:.Sansa and Jeyne are BFF but we amolst never see the girls talking to eachother, and when JP is sex traffikced sansa just forget about her(we could have a scene where sansa try to find what happened to JP or at least grieve for her). Every time sansa appears as a non-POV in AGOT she's been mean and whe we have her POV she's mean for no good reason(SANSA III AGOT). >PART 1<

And the worst is why GRRM wrote sansa goin to Cercei to tell her the "Ned Plans", it's just bad writing, Cercei kill lady so Sansa going to her was OOC GRRM just wrote that to we hate Sansa And in the book it's not explained what "the Ned plans" was(And it was nothing imortant at all, and would make no difference at Ned's fate) so ordinary readers blame Sansa for Ned's death and GRRM does that too in book 2 Cercei put all the blame for Ned death in sansa nd "the Ned Plans" Your thoughts?PART 2

There’s a lot to unpack here.

I get a sense that in the early books, George was not as comfortable writing female relationships as he was writing male relationships or even male-female ones. I mean, Catelyn has no female friends, no companions like Margaery Tyrell’s cousins, no fostering wards of her own, no correspondences with other ladies except that one letter from Lysa for plot reasons. This is just weird for the lady of two major houses. It is neglectful on George’s part to give most of the important social connections to men. This doesn’t mean he was totally inept at writing female relationships, though, and it does seem like he’s tried to improve upon highlighting the positive in later books.

By comparison, the positive side of the brotherly relationships are presented so strongly that it tends to smooth over the conflicts with many readers. Jon can feel envious and resentful of Robb, but the love and loyalty is always in the foreground. The conflict between Arya, Jeyne, and Sansa does have legitimate character arc and plot purposes, so this isn’t bad writing. It’s unfortunate that GRRM presses down so hard on the constant bickering and occasional nastiness, but he did write some positives (albeit they tended to be revealed in later books) and there are understandable reasons for the dynamics. It was not done in a totally unrealistic way. What’s depicted is a typical and relatable rocky period for that age group, and there was negative adult influence at play. It’s not a permanent feature of the sisterhood. It’s all there if you pay attention and you’re inclined to be charitable toward the mistakes of young girls.

If a reader is already predisposed to see the bonds between male characters as more pure and more able to overcome the negative aspects, then they probably also view the bonds between female characters as inherently weaker and more fraught with conflict. Fandom misogyny is not GRRM’s fault. That sector of the fandom will always have contempt for girls for being girls, especially preteen girls. They will always hone in on their faults and belittle their virtues.

I don’t think that is true that we hardly ever see Jeyne and Sansa talking. They are nearly always in each other’s company. There was real friendship between Sansa and Jeyne, because what George does do well with them, is realistically write the way girls cement their bonds. Young girls strengthen their relationship by communicating and confiding in each other. Sharing secrets, crushes, hopes, fears, and pieces of gossip builds trust and intimacy. Jeyne and Sansa do this all the time, even though they can have different opinions and disagree about a lot. Yes, there is some one-sidedness in that Sansa socially outranks Jeyne and believes that makes her more mature and wiser than her friend. Jeyne is dependent on her closeness to Sansa as a highborn lady and future queen to rise successfully, so she’s not going to push back on Sansa’s dominance. This is also a reason Jeyne sometimes bullies Arya to supplant her as Sansa’s “sister.” When Sansa has something to share, she goes to Jeyne to talk about it. I think it’s hilarious that the girls have a debate over which castle Gregor Clegane’s head will get spiked. Sansa wants Jeyne at her side for these new and exciting events like the tourney. When things get serious and dangerous, they comfort each other. Again, this is not all George’s fault if some readers don’t recognize or value the way girls do friendships.

It’s stated quite clearly why Sansa tries to not think about Jeyne or her deceased family members very often. It’s fucking traumatic and her survival while among her captors depends on mentally holding herself together.

If only she had someone to tell her what to do. She missed Septa Mordane, and even more Jeyne Poole, her truest friend. The septa had lost her head with the rest, for the crime of serving House Stark. Sansa did not know what had happened to Jeyne, who had disappeared from her rooms afterward, never to be mentioned again. She tried not to think of them too often, yet sometimes the memories came unbidden, and then it was hard to hold back the tears. Once in a while, Sansa even missed her sister. By now Arya was safe back in Winterfell, dancing and sewing, playing with Bran and baby Rickon, even riding through the winter town if she liked. Sansa was allowed to go riding too, but only in the bailey, and it got boring going round in a circle all day. -- Sansa II, ACOK.

Following her father’s beheading, Sansa was in a suicidal depression for days. She wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t bathe, welcomed drug-induced sleep, and contemplated killing herself. If she thinks too much on those she lost, she falls to pieces. She can’t openly weep and mourn for “traitors” if her life depends on appearing to be loyal to Joffrey. Most of her grief is suppressed inside. This also includes asking too many questions she doesn’t feel psychologically prepared to hear the answer to. She was there when the decision was made to shuttle Jeyne off to Littlefinger; however, she has no idea this is going to result in Jeyne being sent to a brothel and worse. I would also keep in mind that even if she did ask, it’s not like Cersei or Littlefinger would ever tell her the truth. Why would they? Does she really want to hear lies and have to think about what the horrible truth might be when she can’t do anything about it? When it comes to Arya, Sansa believes her sister escaped on the ship bound for home. She comforts herself with imagining that Arya is safe and free, and that’s enough to keep her going.

And she prays and sings for Jeyne, wherever she is.

She sang for mercy, for the living and the dead alike, for Bran and Rickon and Robb, for her sister Arya and her bastard brother Jon Snow, away off on the Wall. She sang for her mother and her father, for her grandfather Lord Hoster and her uncle Edmure Tully, for her friend Jeyne Poole, for old drunken King Robert, for Septa Mordane and Ser Dontos and Jory Cassel and Maester Luwin... -- Sansa V, ACOK.

It’s only until later in the books that Sansa feels emotionally at peace enough to start remembering the good times with Arya and Jeyne without breaking down into tears. We can also see the conflicts weren’t always a thing, and the love was strong with all three.

Sansa began to make snowballs, shaping and smoothing them until they were round and white and perfect. She remembered a summer's snow in Winterfell when Arya and Bran had ambushed her as she emerged from the keep one morning. They'd each had a dozen snowballs to hand, and she'd had none. Bran had been perched on the roof of the covered bridge, out of reach, but Sansa had chased Arya through the stables and around the kitchen until both of them were breathless. She might even have caught her, but she'd slipped on some ice. Her sister came back to see if she was hurt. When she said she wasn't, Arya hit her in the face with another snowball, but Sansa grabbed her leg and pulled her down and was rubbing snow in her hair when Jory came along and pulled them apart, laughing. -- Sansa VII, ASOS.

It was most unladylike, but Alayne sound found herself laughing. For just a little while, as she ran, she forget who she was, and where, and found herself remembering bright cold days at Winterfell, when she would race through Winterfell with her friend Jeyne Poole, with Arya running after them trying to keep up. -- Alayne I, TWOW.

So it’s not even that the girls only bond through confiding. They run, play, and roughhouse with each other. It’s interesting that AGOT!Sansa tried to be so mature and proper, but now that she’s older, she’s remembering how good and freeing it was just to be a kid. But let’s not act like this part of the story is over. Jeyne is still very much alive and seems likely to run into Arya in Braavos. We can almost be 100% certain that Sansa will find out the truth about what happened to Jeyne and what Littlefinger did to her (and her parents), then watch out. Sansa will turn all that buried pain into a righteous fury at Littlefinger.

Now as for Sansa being mean for “no reason.” Um... yeah, LOL. Sometimes she’s just a total unwarranted bitch to her sister, and it’s not meant to be a good look. Sometimes she’s superficial, insufferably immature and annoying, judgmental and prejudiced AND THAT’S OKAY. I mean, she sounds no better or worse than your average middle-schooler if they were of the privileged nobility. Guess what? Sometimes preteens are really like that. Sometimes siblings have ugly, knockdown drag out fights where they say horrible things to each other. Most will grow past those phases and still wind up just as loving and close. It’s realistic and believable. Sansa has flaws, but they aren’t deep moral flaws. She does an amazing job at growing, learning, and overcoming those flaws over the course of the books. In TWOW, she’s warm and affectionate with people, easy-going, nonjudgmental, and genuinely more mature than ever. She took the stick out of her ass and became a happier person for it. What’s the problem? What did you want her to be? Perfect? Unfailingly kind and loved by everyone all the time? She’d be a saint, not a multifaceted human being. Even with her occasional ugly side, Sansa is still a strong, smart, compassionate badass. I don’t care if some people don’t like her as she is written or if they vilify her with their misinterpretations or ignore her strengths. What bearing does that have on GRRM’s vision for her character? He never set out to write any character that the whole fandom would either unanimously love or hate.

This is not bad writing. This NOT bad writing. This is GOOD writing.

*Sigh* Listen... this whole nonsense about Sansa being to blame for Ned’s demise has been going on since ASOIAF was written on clay tablets. You don’t have to listen to every stupid thing the fandom says about anything. It’s just factually wrong. End of story. This misinterpretation and reader inattentiveness is not GRRM’s fault, because he lays out all the details of everything that went down between Arya, Ned, and Sansa’s POV as it was happening. It’s totally understandable why an upset and frustrated Sansa would go to Cersei, the mother figure she implicitly trusts and admires. She didn’t go to Cersei to betray her father’s plans. She went to the queen to intercede in what she thought had to be some big misunderstanding, having no idea what was really going on or at stake.

This is not OOC for her to go to Cersei after Lady’s death. The hand that killed Lady was her own father’s, a undeniable breach of trust that wounded their relationship. Ned just doesn’t really do a lot to deal with the emotional aftermath either. Ned and Sansa are very similar in turning a blind eye when confronted with unpleasantness from someone they love. Ned is also at that moment disillusioned with Robert’s failure to do the right thing after the Trident incident. He begs Robert in the name of their brotherly love and the love he bore Lyanna, and Robert turns his back on Ned anyway. Yet Ned immediately goes right back to believing in the best of Robert’s nature, despite all evidence to the contrary. Every sign points to this being a one-sided friendship with Robert being lazy, irresponsible, and completely selfish. Like father, like daughter. Sansa has a very hard time accepting that Joffrey and Cersei are not the people she thought they were, even when she’s seen some cracks. And since she can’t understand her father’s actions and the communication has been shot to hell between them, of course she runs to Cersei with her problems. Cersei can flip a switch and pretend to be kind, loving, and understanding.

This is so typical of a teenage thought process: “Dad just doesn’t understand and he’s making a big mistake. I don’t understand why he’s doing this. He doesn’t get how important this is to me. This will all work out if a sympathetic adult steps in and fixes it. Everything will turn out great and we’ll all be happy.” While Sansa is pouring her heart out about how it isn’t fair she can’t say goodbye to Joffrey, Cersei pretends to be that sympathetic mother figure that really understands her. How hard would it be then to pump Sansa for information? Like “Oh my sweet little dove. I know how much you love my son. Don’t worry. I’ll help you straighten this out. You said your father wants to send you away? How? When? What’s the name of that ship again?”

And that line from Cersei’s POV is horseshit. Cersei is a liar and regularly lies in her POV to absolve herself of responsibility and force the blame entirely on others. In this case, Cersei is acting like she didn’t totally manipulate a trusting child to betray her. We also know this is a lie because Ned was the one that told her himself of his plans to reveal the invest and remove her as queen. Sansa had nothing to do with that. All Sansa did was give Cersei information that allowed Cersei the opportunity to take her hostage before the girls could leave by ship. Cersei’s plans against Ned were already well underway. Sansa never came to her with the intent of knowingly betraying anyone, but she did have selfish reasons for going to the queen to complain in the first place. GRRM said himself that Sansa wasn’t to blame for Ned’s capture or death, but she did play a role in the events that transpired. That’s fair. All that makes her is a kid who made a not entirely innocent mistake, but a mistake nonetheless, which she immediately learned from. Does she trust Cersei or Joffrey again? Hell no.

Relax, anon. It’s fine for her to not be nice all the time. It’s fine for her to have some realistic, garden variety flaws. It’s one of the most universal human mistakes to fall too hard and fast for the wrong person, act the fool over them despite all the red flags, only to realize you only saw what you wanted to see in them. And Sansa learned this lesson at eleven when some adults haven’t learned it at all. Relax. She’s a great, well-written, relatable character who has overcome most of these issues successfully.

#Sansa stark meta #sansa stark #sansa stark characterization #asoiaf characterization #arya stark #jeyne poole #ned stark #asoiaf commentary #fandom nonsense #Anonymous #my meta

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santonosoy · 4 years ago

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❝ CIERRO LOS OJOS Y EL ALMA PARA NO SER VULNERABLE ❞

huh, who’s ALEJANDRO SPEITZER? no, you’re mistaken, that’s actually SANTOS DEJESÚS. he is a TWENTY TWO year old HALFBLOOD wizard who is a BARTENDER / WADA STUDENT. he is a GRYFFINDOR alum and the child of OSCAR DANE AND MARISOL DEJESÚS. he is known for being CHOLERIC, SELF-DESTRUCTIVE, RESENTFUL, FOOLHARDY, and RECALCITRANT but also ARTISTIC, HARD WORKING, ALLURING, DAUNTLESS, and CLEVER, so that must be why he always reminds me of the song VULNERABLE BY JUANES and PAINT STAINED DENIM AND FRAYING BRUSHES, BEAT UP CONVERSE SNEAKERS, REHEARSAL SCHEDULES AND UNFINISHED SONGS CRAMMED INTO SKETCHBOOKS, BRUISED KNUCKLES AND BUSTED LIPS HIDDEN BY STAGE MAKEUP, ASH TRAY OVERFLOWING WITH CIGARETTE BUTTS, BAR COASTERS AND EMPTY BEER BOTTLES SCATTERED ON THE FLOOR, SCOWLS AND TOUGH TALK ALL TO HIDE YOUR BROKEN HEART, UNWRITTEN LETTERS ADDRESSED HOME WEIGHING HEAVY ON YOUR MIND, WANTING DESPERATELY TO BELONG SOMEWHERE / TO SOMEONE, BLOODY NOSES AND SKINNED KNEES PEAKING OUT THROUGH RIPPED JEANS. i hear he is aligned with THE DEATH EATERS, so be sure to keep an eye on him.

GENERAL

FULL NAME: Lorenzo Santos Dane DeJesús NICKNAME(S): He goes exclusively by Santos (second given name, not a middle name) AGE/DATE OF BIRTH: 22, 08/09/2007 OCCUPATION: Bartender (alternating nights at the Armati’s London Hotel and Leaky Cauldron), WADA student GENDER: Cis Man PRONOUNS: He/Him/His HOMETOWN: Ciudad de México, México CURRENT RESIDENCE: London, England ALMA MATTER: Hogwarts, Gryffindor BLOOD STATUS: Halfblood

BIOGRAPHY

DEATH TW. CHILD NEGLECT TW. DEPRESSION TW. ABANDONMENT TW. idk please be aware that this sad boy has some messed up dynamics in his life which are detailed. if i miss anything, please just send me a message and i’ll try to tag accordingly.

London was supposed to be just a quick stop. A single blip on a map of a poorly planned European tour during a break from university. Marisol did not have intentions to be there for more than two evenings, but sometimes plans changed. A staunch believer in destiny having a heavy hand in things, she supposed it was necessary to end up in London for a full week. If she’d had it her way, the detour would have been longer, but no matter its length it has resulted in perhaps the only precious thing she’d ever have in her short and tragic life.

Santos doesn’t know a lot of details of that week in England. Unfortunately the woman who lived it wasn’t around to give him much, and his abuelita was even less forth giving with details. He would have asked Oscar when given a moment with him, but it hadn’t taken long for him to harden himself to the man that, in simplistic terms, was his father. The only thing he knows are from scattered notes in a journal. Marisol DeJesús and a group of fellow graduates from El Internado Mágico en CDMX had saved up every last penny to go backpacking across Europe. It was supposed to be a couple weeks visiting various countries, exploring diverse cities, and meeting up with pen pals from international magical schools. None of them had connections to London, or the English academy in the Scottish Highlands, but they figured it would be a good starting point before they headed eastward. A rest stop. Not even all the girls had gone to the pub that night, most complaining of exhaustion from the trip. But Marisol wanted a fun night. A few drinks in and she ended up in the arms of a stranger. Oscar. Her journal didn’t detail much more about him, aside from a otherworldly charm and his first name. A week long tumultuous romance and then she was meeting her disgruntled friends in Spain, unaware of the repercussions of her little sabbatical. It wouldn’t be until she was home in México a couple weeks later that she would get any idea of the mistake that was made.

Among the trinkets and colorful souvenirs from her European getaway, Marisol had not expected one to end up being a child.

Lorenzo Santos Dane DeJesús was born on an excruciatingly hot early August day. His muggle grandmother, Milagros, would never forget the moment she heard the first shrill of a baby’s cry. It signaled more than just the birth of her first grandchild. Like the cursed wail of a banshee, Santos’s first cries heralded a grim tragedy. As he swallowed his first breath of life, Marisol exhaled her final. It’s something she would always hold against him. It hadn’t mattered that it wasn’t his fault; Marisol was always a bit weak and frail, and complications had arisen throughout her pregnancy that meant a choice: either him or her. It was no question for her; the most important impact she could leave behind would be a son that she hoped could become something great and do something good for the world. She’d lived life, she couldn’t stop him from living his own. Milagros wouldn’t agree, and she would hold her pain and turmoil agains the boy for the few years she would house him.

Milagros didn’t like brujerias. When she’d met Lorenzo DeJesús Álvarez, she was none the wiser to the magic that coursed in his blood. He was just a charismatic young man from Sinaloa who would sweep her off her feet over the course of three weeks. It appeared to be an ailment that passed down from DeJesús woman to DeJesús woman -- The ability to be so easily swooned by deceitful men. Lorenzo would not reveal his magical parentage until they had three children -- a toddler Marisol and her infant brothers -- and one began to display abilities inherited from his line. Instantly growing cold to her cursed spawns, she would only love them out of a necessity and crave the day they would be taken away from her and into the secret magical world which Lorenzo eventually abandoned the family for. She hadn’t planned on falling in love with Marisol and her quick wits and charm, but despite herself she loved her impish children, even with their maleficio. She hated the boarding schools which took them away from her for the majority of their youth, and she would come to hate the other parts of it that would take them away permanently. Like dueling accidents that ended her youngest son’s life, or the wholly magical family that her other son would marry into that just couldn’t accept he grew up without a magical parent. But more than anything, she could not accept the wailing magical infant she had been left with in the wake of Marisol’s untimely death.

For six years Santos was looked after by Milagros, in the most simplistic of terms. She clothed him and she fed him, but she had not loved him, and she made her disapproval of him apparent. Growing up craving affection that was withheld from him, he was prone to bouts of depression and wildly aggressive tantrums. As his emotions grew more unstable, so did the magic he possessed. Catastrophic damage caused by a single wail, or even bodily harm resulting in the stomping of a foot, and Milagros was reaching her wit’s end. She could not love the creature that stole away her daughter’s life, and she could no longer tolerate the danger it posed. At six years old Santos was becoming a ticking bomb and there was only one way to solve the issue. Send him away, to the father who was unaware of him and his destructive existence.

Going off the limited information that Marisol’s friends and her letters home from that fateful holiday had given her, Milagros used the last bit of funds she had saved to send the heathen across the Atlantic to the city that sealed his mother’s fate, and into the hands of the Ministry. It wasn’t long before the Oscar from the journals was located and brought in to take the boy. The memory of their first meeting is hazy, but Santos remembers scattered fragments. He remembers the atrium of the ministry, the dark stone of the floor. He remembers the tall man who he hoped resembled him but was a complete stranger. He remembers hugging his leg, seeking some kind of comfort, but he doesn’t remember receiving anything back. Soon enough he was being taken to a place that was supposed to be “home” but he would come to think of it as anything but. A home no, but a prison maybe.

The transition was hard. Santos hated London -- the gray skies, the rain and fog. He missed the warmth of Mexico, running in the street with the local boys. He even missed the cold stare of Milagros. Sure she wasn’t that maternal towards him, but she had at least taken care of him like families do. The family he’d meet in London wasn’t much of a family at all. He had a handful of older half-siblings but none of them seemed to care much about his existence. Or maybe that’s what he thought. They would converse with him just fine, but then they would land on English and he would feel completely out of sorts. The most exciting moment was in realizing that one of his elder brothers was some sort of child star -- a talented musician brimming with charisma. He wanted to cleave into Manny, to be accepted by his far more interesting older brother. It was one thing he always wished he had; a sibling who could serve as a confidant, friend and role model. His hopes were quickly dashed. Where Milagros looked down on Santos for being half magical, his family in London had looked down on him for being half something else. Non magical. Muggle. Sangre sucia. He wasn’t a muggleborn but he might as well have been. His magical relatives in México had abandoned him before he was even born, and he was raised in a household that abhorred that part of him. What he had hoped would be a change of pace, a chance to be part of an actual family filled with love and adoration for each other, was quickly torn down. He wasn’t one of them, and no matter how hard he tried he could never be one of them. And the dream older brother he hoped Manny would be would remain just that, a fleeting dream.

To add to his family woes, Santos had another giant hurdle to pass: He didn’t speak English. For a while he thought that maybe if he hadn’t attempted to learn any of the language then he would be sent back to México. If not back to Milagros, then maybe he could end up in some orphanage up until El Internado accepted him. He would have rather just been on his own, but things didn’t go as planned. The longer he was there, the more apparent it would be that London was his new home and if he wanted to find a place to fit in then he needed to make some changes. So he adapted. He learned the language, though not fast enough to attend Hogwarts at age eleven. He didn’t want to -- he still held onto some silly hope he could go anywhere but Hogwarts School, where Manny was a star and he would be the bastard half-brother coasting in his opaque shadow. Despite his protestations, he did end up at Hogwarts when he was twelve years old, a year behind. Refusing to take on his father’s name, Santos DeJesús ended up in Gryffindor and thought for a moment he would be able to get by without anyone knowing he was Manny Luna’s little brother. Of course that wouldn’t be.

The wizarding world of London was small, smaller than those few blocks in Ciudad de México he had called home. People talked, word spread, and soon enough he was being compared to the media darling that came before him. Only Santos was nothing like Manny. He was ill-tempered, melancholic, easily pushed, and aggressive. By third year he’d gained a reputation for causing fights. There was hardly a skirmish that he wasn’t the center of. And he’d never smiled, a permanent scowl etched over his face. He wore bruises and scrapes like badges of honor. He fell behind in school work, trailing behind his peers academically. He didn’t care. He thought the more of a fuss he could make, the better. Maybe it was a cry for help, he doesn’t know. That’s how some professors saw it. In a desperate attempt to help keep the wild Gryffindor under control, they tried to push him in directions that would allow him to use his rage in a healthy way. He was a natural choice for Quidditch Beater, but he caused far more issues on the pitch than anything and sooner or later the team opted to drop him -- for everyone’s safety. Dueling club seemed a smart choice, but then nobody wanted to face the erratic boy even in practice duels. Sure he fumbled with his wand, but he was an ace with his fists.

He was becoming more and more of a hopeless case, until one professor saw a better solution. Clearly the boy was crying out for attention -- maybe he needed a platform where he could be seen and heard. Drama seemed an odd choice, but something about it eventually clicked with Santos. A soliloquy from Hamlet was enough to capture the youth’s frantic mind. He had a weird knack for it, for reciting and acting. And he was a ball of emotions and rage that he didn’t know how to portray, but when monologues came to him with even an ounce of the turmoil rolling within him, he’d felt free and seen. When he’d been told about WADA, about the opportunities he could find studying there, he’d had a full one eighty. He studied hard, he pushed himself to do better in class, and soon enough he was graduating Hogwarts with the marks to gain entry to WADA and start working towards a future in theater. Much like his brother, he had a bit of musical talent but he wanted to be a revered thespian. He wanted to be something different than Manny. He wanted to be something better than Manny.

Free from the stuffy dorms of Hogwarts, Santos decided to break away from the Danes as well. He left the second he could, took up a job busting tables at the Leaky Cauldron and was even given a room there since he’d had nowhere else to go and couldn’t yet afford anything on his own. He remains there, living in a single room with a bed, a dresser, and a beat up guitar he bought at a muggle pawn shop. The only piece of furniture he takes care of is an easel he keeps in a corner, a new unfinished landscape painting adorning it every week, the previous one piled up in a corner forgotten. He spends his days at WADA, studying and practicing and auditioning for every lead role he thinks he’s suitable for. His nights he alternates between bar tending at the Leaky Cauldron, another bar gig at a new swanky magical hotel, and courting someone new. Ever desperate for some kind of attention and affection, Santos seeks it in beautiful strangers he can charm into his bed. He’s noncommittal, but not because commitment scares him exactly. He realizes it’s easier to sleep around than find someone willing to stay. He’s still aggressive, prone to outbursts, and he feels so damaged and abandoned that he doubts anyone could love a reckless mess like him. Not for more than one night, anyway. It’s easy to pick up people when you’re a handsome bartender with a dark charm to you, and he wears the reputation proudly.

It’s somewhat of a surprise that he had chosen to join the ranks of the Death Eaters. His pureblood relatives had looked down on him for being “less than them” of course. Why would he want to join a cause which exalted them and abhorred the part of him that wasn’t “magical enough”? In truth, it has nothing to do with what the Death Eaters stand for. Santos is so desperate to have a place to fit in, to be loved by his family -- by someone -- he was willing to support a cause that he doesn’t believe in. He’s more impressionable or easily manipulated than he wants to believe, and it was easy for him to be seduced by the power that being a Death Eater promised. As time as gone by, it does feel like the better choice. They’re the winning side right now, and he figures if he continues to help them succeed then it’s more than guaranteed he will be appreciated for his hard work. But as time goes by, and the murders pile up and the crimes go unpunished, Santos can feel a small part of him wanting out. He knows it isn’t the right path, but he’s not brave enough to walk away from it. Not when he’s already in their ranks, when he figures it will get harder and harder to turn away. For now he continues to do his part for the Death Eaters, carefully tiptoeing the line between loyalist and betrayer. If the opportunity presents itself, he hopes he’ll go running the other way, but he doubts he’s not sure if he’ll be able to walk away.

TL;DR - santos is the halfblood son of oscar dane / manny’s half-brother who grew up in a muggle household in mexico with a muggle grandmother who hated him so much she eventually sent him away because she couldn’t handle his violent outbursts of magic or the fact he was the one that caused DEATH TW her daugther’s death END OF TW. he’s always struggled to find a place or a family to belong to and this is a chip on his shoulder he carries through his adulthood. a former gryffindor who just caused a lot of issues until he was introduced to theater. he know works as a bartender while attending WADA with dreams to become a renown thespian. Is in the DE but mostly because he just wants to belong somewhere and was convinced into believing that was the right path to go (more on that below in the wanted connections section!). desperate for some attention and affection, whether it is genuine or not. Is literally a big ol’ heaux due to it. will flirt with anyone out of some hope they’ll give him some temporary attention in return. Idk he’s just a sad complicated aggressive boy ahfeapfhe OH is an artist. paints and draws and all that jam. is also a bit musical, but doesn’t flaunt it bc he’s already got a musical relative he doesn’t wanna be compared to. is maybe a bit of a self insert in that respect ahfieahfpea don’t @ me.

MISC

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Biromantic LANGUAGES: Spanish (primary), English (fluent) FAMILY: Oscar Dane (father), Marisol DeJesús (mother), Manny Luna (half-brother) PETS: None FACE CLAIM: Alejandro Speitzer ASTROLOGICAL SIGN: Leo MBTI: TBD PINTEREST: ( x ) HOGWARTS YEARS: 2019-2025 (started a year late due to not being confidently fluent in english by eleven)

WANTED CONNECTIONS

ONE NIGHT STANDS / PAST HOOKUPS - as detailed above, santos is just kind of lacking in the affection department and so he seeks it wherever he can. since he’s like a hottie or whatever, he knows he can easily get physical stuff and he kinda just... exploits that because he just wants some gd attention ok. since his final few years at hogwarts up to now he was definitely a massive manwhore so have at it. this is not a limited connection so hmu however many times you want lol STATUS: always open

UNCLE IROH TO HIS PRINCE ZUKO - ok so maybe my hopes is to pull off some prince zuko level redemption arc for this boy. it’s a tough climb, but one thing that every good prince zuko redemption arc needs is an uncle iroh. this is someone who believes in santos, genuinely cares about him, and wants to guide him to a path that would bring him peace and help him make healthy decisions. it doesn’t exactly have to mean joining the order, but it certainly means walking away from the DE and the toxic family dynamics he’s involved in. someone who can see that he is a good person beneath it all and who just wants to help him out of a sticky and bad situation. can be a peer or an older character, doesn’t need to be related to him. (could be combined with professor connection below) STATUS: taken by neville longbottom

PROFESSOR WHO HELPED HIM FIND HIS WAY - this is obviously limited to hogwarts professors / people who were hogwarts professors during the years listed above. this is the professor who saw santos’s destructive behavior and tried to work with him to channel it in a healthy way. they were the person who eventually introduced him to shakespeare (who i am convinced is a wix ok) and theater. they may have supported him becoming a better student so he could get into WADA and perhaps are still someone that supports his growth. perhaps the first person in their corner. (can be combined with the uncle iron connection above). STATUS: taken by neville longbottom

THE BAD INFLUENCE - MANIPULATION TW / TOXIC DYNAMIC TW (just to be on the safer side; this is a toxic connection for sure) in contrast to the previous connections, this is the person who has helped lead santos down the wrong path. they should be DE affiliated, and they should be someone who sees that part of santos that begs for attention and is desperate to belong somewhere and would have manipulated that very fragile part of him in order to get him to join the rankings of DE. he’s not a pureblood, and therefore perhaps not the most ideal person to be in the ranks, but they see the potential he has for exploitation. he could be a dispensable soldier for them, someone they genuinely don’t give a shit about but they can use him. this can be a peer or older DE member, and they can be family. END OF TW. STATUS: open

FOUND FAMILY - i guess this would be something we work up towards, but this boy is kind of desperate for people who genuinely care about him and needs a healthy family dynamic. so if you wanna be part of the found family that can take him in, awesome :^) STATUS: open, may become limited

as always, feel free to message me if you have any inspiration for wanted connections ^^

#potterintro #Death tw #child neglect tw #abandonment tw #manipulation tw #i've had artist block so no cool drawin #for now

17 notes · View notes

be-dazzled · 5 years ago

Note

How about some royalty au or some Jane Austen vibes, because I can totally see Gray as Mr Darcy character-wise 🙈 also I had this Juvia feels with the song Daughter of the sea from Warbringers: Jaina (World of Warcraft franchise) you should totally listen to this with Phantom Juviaesque backstory in mind 💙

Writer’s Corner: This took so loooong. I’m so sorry. I planned to watch Pride and Prejudice since 2005 but always kept forgetting it. But thanks to this request I was finally able to do so. Also, when I went to write this request, it kept getting longer. Hehehe. So this is going to be divided into parts, as usual.

GRUVIA OLD WORLD VIBES...

THE ART OF FALLING

All Chapters: Click here

Chapter I A CURIOUS BEGINNING

Gray let out a sigh. He left his apartment in a hurry this morning upon receiving his mother’s letter. Gray’s father, Lord Silver Fullbuster, has fallen ill and he, as the lone heir to the Fullbuster estate, was requested to return to Magnolia immediately. He knew this was the future that awaited him. He had no objections to it even if his heart wasn’t set on having to inherit and take full responsibility of his father’s entire estate. For Grayden Fullbuster was a man of intellect. His interest lied on acquiring knowledge. He read all sorts of non-fictional books ranging from Anatomy to Zymography. Since young, Gray, as his mother fondly called him, had always been a curious child. Leather-bounds, first editions and original works were part of his book collection. He continued adding rare and limited publications from the moment he set foot into University of the Kingdom of Fiore, the center of knowledge in all Fiore. He was quite proud to have in his possession these printed and bounded sources of knowledge – books. Now, however, upon the news of his father’s illness, Gray was expecting to come into some good fortune. It only meant one thing, that he was to be in need of a wife.

Little did he know, his mother has known his needs before he even thought of it. If there was one universal truth that survived over the years it was that mothers know best. Hence, a mother of three daughters rushed home to bring her daughters the good news – Lord Silver Fullbuster was looking for a wife for his only son.

She arrived at her family about to enjoy a table-full of breakfast.

“Darling, darling!” She evened her breath as soon as she arrived at the table. “Lady Mika has invited us for tonight’s gathering at the Manor!”

“Mother, can we not be so loud this early in the morning?” The second daughter just came down from the second floor of the house, hair sticking out all over the place, night dress still a mess from all her tossing and turning in bed. A far cry from her sisters who were up and ready right before the break of dawn.

“Juvia Lockser, a lady doesn’t–”

“–Yes, Mother.” She has heard this lecture for far too many times that Juvia committed them to memory, albeit non-intentionally. “A lady doesn’t dilly-dally in bed when there is housework awaiting her.” Juvia claimed her rightful seat at the round table, next to the youngest Lockser, Wendy.

“Might as well. As I was saying, darling…”

Juvia quickly drowned her mother’s news out. There was only one thing in that woman’s mind, to marry off her daughters to wealthy men. From a very young age, Juvia and her sisters were groomed to become women who gentlemen would seek to marry. As they were growing, however, Juvia stopped trying altogether. She found the notion ridiculous; that women were born and raised only to be wedded. With this thinking, Juvia has always been considered the black sheep of the family; who would rather go with her father hunting than learn about the best fabric and the shiniest jewelries. Those fitted her other sisters more – Eliana the eldest and Wendy the youngest, whom Juvia always considered more beautiful and so, befitting to marry the son of Lord Fullbuster.

Juvia caught tails of the news her mother shared. As she took bacon and eggs into her plate, the second daughter promised herself to be stern about her decision not to come to the gathering. She had better plans for tonight – better than parading herself to men who wouldn’t even cast a glance. Next to Eliana, all others paled in her sister’s beauty.

___

Juvia expelled an exasperated breath.

“Would you stop that?” Eliana scolded, straightening her back and fixing her posture on the seat.

“What? Breathing?”

The eldest Lockser daughter narrowed her lighter blue eyes at Juvia, much like the way her mother’s darker ones disapproved the second’s attitude. If she wasn’t as stuck-up as their mother, Juvia was sure her elder sister would have found humor in her response. Eliana, however, was a close second to Elmara Lockser, who was now busy rubbing elbows with a few of the wealthiest families in whole Magnolia. Juvia scoffed at her direction. Her mother might be acting all friendly on the outside but she loathed them on the inside. Those couples she was with in their gossip circle were all rivals because they too had daughters they wanted to marry off to the wealthy Fullbuster family.

“Juvia, sit up straight. That isn’t how a lady should carry herself.”

That pulled Juvia’s attention from her parents who pretentiously laughed their ways into their own conversation.

“Eli,” Juvia addressed her older sister by her nickname, “it wouldn’t make much difference. So, why bother?”

“Eli is right, Juvia.” The youngest Lockser chimed in, imitating the way the eldest Lockser poised herself as they waited for any gentleman to ask for a dance. “How will you demand these gentlemen’s attention when you act like that?”

“Easy for you to say.” Juvia huffed dejectedly. “You’re the charming one and Eli’s the pretty one.”

Both sisters were now staring at the middle Lockser who just propped her hand under her chin. “And I’m… well, I’m the Juvia.” Her statement need not be explained. Juvia, somehow, acquired a reputation of coming second best to either sibling. Eliana and Wendy shared a pitiful look, scrambling for words to correct Juvia’s assumption about herself. When the eldest was about to share some words of comfort, a gentleman has offered his hand towards Eliana. He was the son of an Undersecretary, one of the highest positions in the Magnolian government. Their mother made sure the girls were well aware of such vital information. The eldest out of the three sisters plastered a trained smile across her lips and placed her hand into his. Juvia was sure Wendy was next to being asked, just like always. She wasn’t wrong. Not a minute went by when another son of a prominent figure in Magnolia asked the youngest Lockser for a dance, leaving Juvia alone, just like always. But not because she was used to it, didn’t mean it stopped hurting. One by one, the beautiful girls were asked into the dance floor. Once again, Juvia was left behind in the array of vacant seats. As much as she wanted to deny it, not being picked or offered a hand was a blow to her self-confidence and only supported what she assumed about herself. But she was older and much wiser now. She wasn’t going to let that embarrassment get into her head.

“So, what? Like I’d even like to dance with those scrawny morons.” Juvia suddenly stood right up, ignoring the weird looks thrown at her. Juvia made her way out of the ballroom. Her steps were purposeful. Her strides were hurried. She couldn’t wait to get out of that suffocating obnoxious community. When Juvia was finally out of sight and outside those giant front doors, Juvia ran. She ran without looking back. There was a place where she mattered, where she wasn’t passed upon. The woods. Gajeel would be there hunting for his next meal. She’d rather join him than be surrounded by those rich snobs who valued people by fleeting standards.

Juvia stopped at the hallway and glanced to her left then her right where she placed four uniformed men on either side. When one of the guards walked pass her, Juvia straightened her back and pretended that the clay sculpture piqued her interest. As soon as the uniformed staff was out of earshot, the second Lockser daughter raced to the balcony to weigh her options: ran free or get stuck with the snobs in that hellhole. She chose the former; a far better choice.

Juvia looked down and calculated the height of the jump required. It was possible but might leave her crippled forever. She wasn’t planning on it. She moved to the left side of the balcony where she found a ledge which would allow her to land on two feet. However, it wasn’t going to be easy as Juvia’s greatest obstacle was her dress that reached her ankles. Not to mention her tall heels weren’t going to be much help either. Juvia removed the strap sandals her mother painstakingly chosen for tonight. Clutching on their straps and keeping them in one hand as cautiously she leaped over the other side of the railing and landed on the thin ledge. Her heart jumped to her throat as she looked down at the ground, which might be her cause of death if ever she missed a step. So, she heaved out a deep breath, creating a visible cloud of air, and glued herself against the wall. Step by step, ever so slowly, ever so cautiously, Juvia moved to her left, to a spot closest towards a branch of tree. All the while, her feet moved within the bounds of safety. Juvia figured the branch was sturdy enough to hold her weight and that she could use the same as some lever to lower herself down on the ground. She’d done it a couple of times but the she still felt nervous about what she was to do. Juvia extended her arm and swung them to catch the branch, only to gather leaves in her fist. As Juvia ordered herself not to look down, quite conscious of the ledge’s edge, she peeled her back off the exterior wall and reached out for the branch one more time. She tiptoed thinking it would give her an extra length to capture the branch, which seemed to have a business of evading Juvia’s grasp.

The young woman was resolute; evident with the way her brows furrowed and her lips folded, Juvia Lockser was determined to escape that hell. Her third attempt was more successful than the previous ones; albeit by a slim chance, as the branch jerked back into its original position, having one stunned bluenette hanging by it. Her weight dragged the branch down but not enough to cause it to snap. Juvia released her grasp from the end of the branch, jumped off on the ground and landed on both feet in one piece. Gajeel had taught her well. She rose from her crouch and quickly took shade under the giant tree. It served another purpose for the young lady as she hid behind its large trunk to avoid the roving guards. The Fullbuster Family took security quite seriously and they had every reason to as their fortune was ten fold more than any family in town or even all of them combined. When the coast was clear, Juvia made her way towards the iron fence for her final escape whilst avoiding any watchful eyes. Just as quickly as she calculated the jump from the balcony, Juvia prepared herself to climb over the fence. She wrapped the ends of her long skirt into a ball, pulling the length just an inch above her knees and exposing fair skin of legs. Neither the height of the fence nor the sharpness of its point fazed the second daughter. The only thing it did was fuel the fire she had in her heart.

Juvia loved adventure and climbing over the manor fence presented itself as one. She was sure no other lady in that dreadful town of Magnolia had even thought of it. She tied the straps of her sandals together and placed them around her neck to free both her hands, Juvia wrapped her fingers around the iron pickets to gain momentum, using both feet to propel herself to another height until she gripped at the link that connected all the iron pickets. Careful not to get plunged into the sharp end of the spikes, Juvia brought her leg over the fence and then the other. Just one jump and she’d find herself over at the other side of that iron fence. Hungry for her freedom, Juvia jumped. But as she was about to land both feet on the ground, Juvia heard a sound of garment ripping and found her skirt caught at the spikes, pulling the rest of her skirt up to her waist.

If there was one universal truth that all had agreed upon it’s that not everything went according to plan.

___

When Gray decided that night to take a walk and catch some very much needed break from the crowd of his parents, he wasn’t planning on finding a lady stuck at their security fence with her skirt up her waist, practically half-naked. He was rooted to his spot as he watched the strange woman struggle to free herself from such compromising position. But as she tried to wriggle out of it, her dress kept pulling up. Gray ordered himself to look away; it was unbecoming of a gentleman to look at a woman’s body with nothing but her undergarment. Strangely, his body refused to listen. When their eyes met, hers panicking and his stunned, Gray visibly gulped.

“Good sir, will you please lend me some help?”

Her words knocked some senses into him as it was only then that Gray was able to avert his sinful eyes. Still then, he had not any idea how to be of help. Blindly, he walked towards her, stealing glances at the woman’s direction.

“Have you any idea how to be of aid if you refuse to look at me?” Her voice was already missing patience.

The strange lady was right. However, how could Gray bring himself to boldly meet her eyes in her condition? For such a shameless display was allowed only between married men and women.

“Y-your…” Gray cleared his throat. He could feel the heat on his ears and cheeks despite the cold weather and the thick coat he wore. “My lady, your… underpants… they are showing.” He now stood in a safe distance beside her dangling legs.

“I am aware, sir. However, as you can see, I am clearly not in a position to turn away any help despite such circumstance.”

She spoke well, he noted, and she didn’t seem too bothered about a man’s presence around her current state of affair.

“Then, how do you propose I offer my aid?” He tried his earnest to keep his composure as he fought the wave of embarrassment about to swallow him whole.

“If you’ll be so kind as to lend me your shoulders, Sir.”

“M-my shoulders?”

For Grayden Fullbuster, a nobleman, it certainly was an odd request. Being approximately near a half-naked woman was already a struggle to bear, making it quite difficult to process what this woman was asking of him.

“Yes, Sir.”

Her voice was tamed but Gray could hear a hint of restraint and displeasure in it.

“Now, if you may please move closer so I could,” He heard a rustle in her direction. As his attention was courteously averted away from the half-naked woman hanging by the iron fence, Gray has not noticed her attempts to swing closer to him, “use your shoulders to step down from my unfortunate position.”

Really unfortunate but also not quite, thought Gray. He started to move, inching towards her and placec himself under her legs so that he may be of assistance. The garment skewed through the spikes, however, could not hold her weight and the little movements she made, causing it to rip further and further until her full weight gradually succumbed to gravity.

Until all Gray could remember was the loud sound of the garment holding her against the iron picket giving in. By instinct, Gray turned around, readying himself for any other assistance she would be requiring only to find himself breaking her fall and serving as human cushion between the strange lady and the rather cold pavement.

Yet, his body has maintained some heat as Gray finally realized that the strange lady had landed on his lap quite literally. But she wasn’t like any woman Gray has grown accustomed to. Her blue waves were pulled in a poorly made bun with every bit of short hair sticking out to all sides. Her beauty wasn’t extraordinary – pale lips and paler skin – that if she’d been in a pool of people, Gray would have never spared her a glance. But what piqued his interest towards her were her round blue orbs that looked straight into his. No woman had ever stared him straight in the eyes as tradition taught them at an early age of the opposite – that eye contact between a man and a woman who was not married must be avoided. This lady’s deep blue eyes, however, defiantly stared into his, sucking him in with the depth of her round orbs. But her stern look alone screamed trouble – something Gray was never fond of. He watched her blue eyes widen in surprise as the scandal of their current position finally dawned upon the strange lady – with her straddling the poor gentleman between her thighs. He observed as embarrassment colored her pale skin rose and watched her expression graduate from surprise, fluster and now anger.

“Where do you think your hands are touching?” was her accusation.

It was only then that Gray realized where his hands were – boldly resting on the soft skin of her upper thighs. He withdrew them immediately, sharing the embarrassment the strange woman had earlier; his was more of disdain for himself. For a man who freely touched a woman not his wife was frowned upon in their community. He wanted to apologize, to clarify that however it appeared wasn’t his intention. As soon as he opened his mouth, the strange woman planted both palms on his chest, pushing herself up whilst shoving the man against the cold, hard pavement. He did not take offense from the woman’s harsh actions against him. His indecent action was the greater of the two evils tonight. As soon as he heard her footsteps dulling into the distance, Gray stood from his position and quickly followed after her. He could not stomach letting the woman disappear without properly apologizing for his action, notwithstanding it being unintentional. He was raised better than that – a true gentleman.

“Hey, lady!” He called after her but the woman seemed to have made it her business to ignore him. As she had her back on him, Gray quickly noticed, although it wasn’t that hard to miss, the extent of the rip on her skirt – exposing her backside a plenty. Gray momentarily stopped, coughing into his fist as he tried to regain composure. The reason for his desperate act of going after her was quickly replaced. The strange woman, who he had now adjudged as a foreigner for her unconventional behavior, picked up her steps, glancing back at him with a wary expression. Gray removed his coat as he tried to catch up to her, but she ran faster than the gentleman.

“I have no ill intentions toward you!” He shouted after, his strides now more determined. Gray had his coat openly hanging before him, ready to drape the thick material over the woman’s shoulders. He gained on her and his mission was accomplished, wrapping his frock coat around the lady. She stilled, giving Gray a moment to even his breathing. However, she quickly turned around him, dagger eyes burning in rage because Gray had blatantly fastened his arms around her figure too. How bold and shameless of him! He was no different from a man who forces himself upon a woman, regardless of his true intention.

The gentleman found himself in a worse predicament. Quickly, he pulled his hands back, raising them in a universal act of surrender, taking a step back and away from the enraged and offended lady.

“This isn’t what you perceive it to be.” He started. “If you would let me–”

He wasn’t able to finish his sentence as Gray saw her fist flying towards him. Then, all he saw was endless darkness.

#gray x juvia #gruvia #be-dazzled #gray fullbuster #juvia lockser #request granted #fairy tail #jane austen vibes #gruvia fanfic #gruvia request

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oofcori · 5 years ago

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CORI ACCOLA. anyone who knew her was aware of what she was like; she didn’t hide it. she was energetic, talkative, enthusiastic — maybe often too much of each. she was persistent, supportive, she liked to immerse herself with people at all times and she liked being liked so it was no surprise that she had a perfectly cultivated personality for every single person she met. they didn’t stray too far from one another, mostly sticking true to who she was, but her mannerisms, her tone of voice, the way she’d hold conversations or drop them in an instant — it all depended on who she was talking to.

on days like her birthday she found herself talking to everyone. even people she barely spoke to aside from the occasional check up or glance in the hallway were celebrating with her, and she knew it was down to the party as a whole, but still ! she’d accept any kind of attention, no matter what.

it was strange how birthdays were both mutually the best and worst days of her life, no matter the year. they always started positive, like she’d just been birthed the very second she awoke and she was bursting with immense energy. she thrived from the birthday celebrations, the attention, all the gifts !

eventually things would calm down as does she and she’s left with a desire to get back to that happy place — she’s been familiar with all kinds of things in her years, often just getting trashed with whatever alcohol she can find but it’s not like she’s a stranger to narcotics. she doesn’t remember several birthdays because of this and she genuinely prefers it this way. she doesn’t know what exactly happened but she knows her twelve, fifteenth and sixteenth were her worst ones.

it wasn’t that she was a bad kid, she was just a handful. and when she wasn’t even related to the people who had taken the role of her parents it was easy to decide she didn’t have to listen to them. so there were multiple times police had to be called, several times she’d end up needing her stomach pumped in hospital and eventually thousands of dollars were spent on therapy she refused to take seriously.

there were obvious whispers from her godparents’ friends and family, always discussing how they didn’t NEED to take her in, how they didn’t owe carla and tobias anything even after their murders — corrine was too much to handle and not what they signed up for ! except her godparents were GOOD people, they were her parents best and closest friends, most trusted contacts and they knew corrine deserved some stability in her life, despite her being anything but.

when her parents died she was seven and she only remembers one or two birthdays with them but even that’s enough to know how much they loved her and how much she loved them. she remembers opening up her princess annika barbie doll, her first nintendo ds ( then another a week later when she dropped it from the balcony ), and she remembers how they’d wake her up with a candle in a cupcake softly singing ‘ happy birthday ’ while she twiddled her feet and swayed along, trying her best to be patient and not blow out the candle too quick.

and then she remembers her eighth birthday. the first one without them, how she dreamt of them the night before and how they weren’t there when she opened her eyes in the morning. she kept falling back asleep, maybe if she tried again they would be. she didn’t cry once, she didn’t eat any of her cake, didn’t open any presents, didn’t talk to anyone.

her ninth was a bit better, she actually had some cake. tenth she had a party, though it ended up with everyone being sent home after she decided to see if she could set georgina wood on fire with one of the candles. turns out she could.

once she got to fourteen cori was well aware of how to seem normal. no setting people on fire, no fires in general ( twelfth birthday was a disaster, she’d now claim it was lit ), no replacing her own cake’s sugar with salt, making sure she was actually contributing to conversations. it was a long list. so she was starting to act HAPPIER which was good, she was getting friends at school which was good — it was only really on her birthdays that she’d let go of that control and fall into old routines.

so with her twenty-first it was no different.

perhaps it was the perfect night. she almost feels bad for stealing part of the attention away from it being the end of year party considering she got her own surprise mini-performance with faith jumping out from the cake. she was with all her friends. milena, sage, grey, jas, raina, claire, scott, lou, levi, maia, cyrus, maddox... honestly she had too many friends. she loved seeing them all dressed up, loved dancing with them and drinking far too much together. she remembers how she was sad about the whole date situation, she’d told ella to ask grey and regretted it immediately, found out milena asked maddox and felt completely lost with who to ask herself, so many of her friends were DATING so they were automatically out... everyone was taken up quickly and the people she was depending on to go with were suddenly unavailable. faith had been a literal life saver because if she had to turn up alone on her BIRTHDAY she would rather have died. but the night was everything she could have wanted and she wouldn’t have changed it for anything.

but as it gets later she’s feeling more and more drained, she’s stumbling around from the alcohol and she’s already ingested a bit more than advised of the edible cookie cyrus gave her. she’s fine, she just can’t stop thinking about things she definitely doesn’t want to think about. she keeps getting urges to do SOMETHING... but she doesn’t know what, she knows it’ll probably be bad, though — and it’s fine when you’re thirteen and your biggest issue is why henry malkovich would rather sit next to yasmin greene than you in english class but here, at gallagher, when you’re friends with EVERYONE... they can’t see you like that.

she’s already losing her breath, feeling like her hearts going to burst from her chest if it doesn’t slow down and she’s making her way outside as subtly as possible because there’s nothing worse than someone coming to check on you when you’re freaking out and you don’t want them to know.

she’s outside, trying to figure out where she can go to think and just be anywhere but around other people. her heels are quickly discarded and then she’s running. she hadn’t decided where she was off to but she ends up somewhere in the forest, surrounded by the trees and it’s so DARK but the moon looks beautiful from what she can see through the branches above — there’s a comfort in how still everything is, especially when her body feels like it’s involuntarily spinning round and round. so she decides to sit. her hands playing with anything that’s on the ground beside her — twirling grass around her fingers, digging little holes then burying them back up with a solid pat, peeling off little chunks of bark from the tree and trying to engrave her name into it. anything to occupy herself with, a distraction while her mind calms down, something to DO.

she’d been messaging some friends, all none the wiser except grey — only because she’d told him she was feeling sad, though it was something she regretted as soon as she did. she shouldn’t have told him she was outside, alone, and clearly too intoxicated to make wise decisions. he was always looking after her even when she didn’t want it, and tonight she REALLY didn’t want it and she hoped he was joking when he said he was coming to find her. it only frustrates her and makes her anxious, which just sends her thoughts spiralling.

there’s no warning before she’s sobbing, a split second vision of her dad rushing for a hug — his laugh echoing in her head. she can hear her mother singing to her, cradled together in bed while there’s thunderstorms outside. and once she starts she can’t stop. she was emotional, sensitive, weak and it was something she didn’t like people knowing. but it’s never just about her parents deaths. it’s how she’ll never see them again, how she won’t have her father walking her down the aisle or that they never got to see her grow up and know just how much she looks like both of them. how she literally can’t look in the mirror ( which is something she loves doing ) without being reminded of them one way or another. she wished she had a sibling just so she could TALK about it — someone who could understand her and tell her that she’s not crazy for having a breakdown after she notices herself humming lullabies her mother would sing or how when she really laughs she has a squeak in her throat like her dad and that breaks her heart.

it’s about how she will never know if she’s good enough or if she turned out okay, how she despises herself for not making every day count and that she KNOWS they’d be disappointed in her today. how she’s sick to her stomach with the thought that they were better off without her, even though she felt non-existent without them.

so she just stayed against the tree, determined tears refusing to stop as she wipes them away again and again and again. and she’s sure she looks a whole MESS right now but there’s not a single care in her being as her palms swipe at her eyes, leaving her mascara all over her hands. she bites down on the side of her palm, just below her thumb, in hopes to calm her breathing, to stop panicking quite so much and just relax.

after a while of forcing herself silent, she’s struggling to keep her eyes open, fluttering slowly but often as she lets her body sink and she’s drifting to sleep.

#a lil something no one asked for !!!#realised i suck at self paras n then was like oh that's just writing :)#also long af ????? also high key not important at all but it goes into her life a lil and then into the party so #whatever #it's basically abio #this is genuinely ? like it started out with a clear goal and then idk what happened #but its 7am #and i feel terrible even subjecting y'all to the option of reading it but #it's long af so i dont wanna just delete #but know i would if it wasn't so long jsbjhs #i said no replies today just trash self paras!!#♥ — study #idk what triggers may be here ??#tw death #tw parental death #?

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hopewritcs · 5 years ago

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the prodigal sister. eight.

pairing: familial byers fam x reader, romantic paring tbd

word count: 4.7k

summary: y/n is the middle sibling of the byers brothers. she’s just ten months younger than jonathan, making the pair “irish twins”. except when her father and mother got divorced, lonnie got custody of y/n and took her away from the rest of the family.

notes: welcome to chapter eight, where we get a the reader’s birthday. originally i was gonna include the party in here too, but it got to a point where i figured the party would work better as it’s own chapter. this chapter if filled with it’s own events such as a fun dinner, cute friendship, midnight meetings, and an surprise guest.

warning: vague mentions and allusions to emotional abuse.

other chapters: masterlist

tps tag list: @irreleventmoonchild, @rockyrocket15, @the-fae-child, @bucky4cap45, @pinklyrium,@girlycakepops, @qtmeryr, @noodlebread303,@virtualsheepeat,@acidrain707, @trashblackrainbow, @sadhwstudent, @unprofessional-inhumanbeing, @laneygthememequeen, @wanna-be-idle, @smh-writings, @httpakasha, @jdogjdyke, @potter-thinking, @svelby-g, @a-dorky-book-keeper, @and-drew-101, @random-girl-2131, @rendenten, @ggclarissa, @strangerliaa, ( if you wanna be added to the tag list send me a message !! )

The morning of Y/N’s birthday was filled with the kind of feeling she’d always wanted. She woke up to her door being opened and her family coming into her room, singing happy birthday to you at the top of their lungs with breakfast and a wrapped present in their arms. It was so simple and such a family thing that her heart burst with joy. She was too happy to be annoyed that they’d woken her up twenty minutes sooner than she normally would have been awake on a normal school morning.

Joyce and her brothers all sat down as best they could fit together all four of them on Y/N’s bed, all smiles and laughter as they all shared in the breakfast on the tray. The wrapped box contained a new dress in her favorite color that she’d pointed out when they’d gone shopping in downtown Hawkins the other week. It was “for a special occasion”, Joyce had said.

Which Y/N knew meant dinner on Saturday night since Joyce wasn’t working, and it was the cover for the surprise party they were throwing her.

Thankfully, Y/N acted none the wiser to the party, which Jonathan was grateful for. He and Joyce had worked hard on the party, and even though he knew that Y/N knew, he didn’t want Joyce to figure out the surprise wasn’t actually going to be a surprise.

The rest of the day was a normal day at school. It was Friday, and most people were either talking about their Valentine’s dates, the dance that night, or the party Tina was throwing Saturday night. Of course, a couple of people noticed Y/N that day, as thanks to her locker being decorated with streamers and a note that said happy birthday as she’d been greeted that morning with a waiting friend group by her locker, and a surprise batch of cupcakes which she was told would be for lunch.

It really was, without a doubt, the best birthday Y/N had had in years.

At the end of the school day, the whole group of teens had piled into the Wheeler car for Nancy to take them back to the Byers house. With Steve, Y/N, and Robin in the backseat, picking up Mike and Will from the middle school meant the younger teens were going to be sitting in the trunk on the way back. They were all planning on hanging out that night to celebrate Y/N’s birthday, everyone planned on spending the night. Y/N knew that if Steve hadn’t been invited over for the last minute slumber party that Nancy would have snuck out of her room in the middle of the night to go spend time with Jonathan, even if she hadn’t made that kind of a comment out loud. She figured the pair would still sneak off at some point during the night.

They listened the latest tunes on the radio loudly, everyone either singing along or shouting over the music to hold up a conversation. The two kids in the back were in their own world, as were Jonathan and Nancy in the front of the car. It was a chaotic feeling, with the blasting music and all the voices, it should have been too much. But, even though it was loud, and Y/N could barely even hear her own thoughts, let alone the conversation she was trying to have with Robin about their drama class, it was filled with happy energy that was comforting. It wasn’t like the dormitory where the music would blast and all Y/N wanted to do was escape to the quiet. It was just the right amount of chaotic.

“Hey who’s car is that in your drive?”

Y/N, Will, and Jonathan’s heads all shot up and looked up at the car parked in the driveway. It wasn’t their mother’s car, that much was obvious.

“Are we expecting someone?” Will asked, leaning his head over the seat to look at his siblings with raised eyebrows. He didn’t recognize the car at all, and he couldn’t think of anyone who would be over at the house without anyone else home.

Nancy pulled the car into the driveway, off to one side, and then the other car’s door opened.

“Dad?!” the Byers kids all gasped together, looking between themselves with a confused glance. It didn’t help that the rest of the car was looking at the siblings confused as well.

Y/N shook her head, this was not happening. She shooed Steve, nudging him to push him out of the car quicker than he was. He got out of the car, and held the door open for Y/N to get out as well.

“Are you okay?” he asked her quietly, so that no one else heard him ask, when she was pulling her bag out of the car.

Y/N slightly shook her head. It was a subtle motion and didn’t look like she was shaking her head to anyone else, but the way her eyes spoke to Steve he knew something was wrong.

And there wasn’t anything he could do about it.

Y/N gave Steve a tight lipped smile as she hiked her backpack up onto one of her shoulders and walked around the car. By this point everyone else had gotten out of the car as well, and they were all looking at the man leaning on the door of his car. No one was saying anything, and the non siblings all took a step back and waited awkwardly.

What the hell were any of them supposed to do?

It wasn’t like Lonnie Byers was some sort of demon, he wasn’t any of the creatures ( or people ) the group had faced before. But there was something that they all felt in the atmosphere, and it had the group of four looking worriedly at each other and back at the other four.

Y/N and Will stood next to each other, Jonathan a step or two in front of them and blocking them from their father protectively. Lonnie had yet to move or say anything, which only made the three siblings worry more about it all. Y/N had a hand on Will’s shoulder, half stepping in front of him and closer to Jonathan as she looked at her father.

“What are you doing here?”

Either Y/N’s voice sounded much more confident than she thought it did, or the street was quieter than expected and her voice just carried.

Lonnie moved slowly, kicking himself off of his car and looking at his daughter, decidedly ignoring the two boys at her side ( and definitely paying no mind to the group of other kids standing at the end of the driveway ). “Can’t a loving father just drop by to wish his daughter a happy birthday?” He shrugged his shoulders and looked at Y/N pointedly, raising his eyebrows at her.

“You couldn’t even be bothered to send me a card for my last birthday.” She replied, shaking her head.

“I told you, it was just lost in the mail.”

“You never remembered my birthday, don’t bullshit me dad.”

Lonnie took a step forward and pointed at her chest as he glared, “That is no way to speak to your father!”

Jonathan took a step in front of Y/N specifically, looking at his father. Everything fell silent as the threatening tone Lonnie used hung in the air.

It wasn’t like it was a secret that Lonnie Byers was a shitty parent. He didn’t care much about anything other than himself. The only thing he’d seemed to care about, for the longest time, was his high school sweetheart Joyce. But even that wasn’t enough to change his ways. Lonnie was rude and controlling and always took things too far ( see: having his eldest son go hunting and kill a rabbit at the age of ten even though Jonathan had no interest in that ).

Y/N probably got everything the worst, since she’d been with him since the divorce. While she always knew that Lonnie’s behavior was wrong it was hard to find anything good in her father. She spent years wanting to go home to Hawkins, years wanting to be with her siblings and her mother. She spent years wishing that her father was a different man. She knew now that the only reason Lonnie had fought hard to get custody of her had been as a screw you to Joyce.

But she wasn’t ready to talk about any of that, and just being around him still--knowing what she knew now and having been away from him both at boarding school and now being home with her family and people who were genuine--it made her jaw clench and she bit the inside of her cheek tightly.

Y/N wanted to run off from the spot, but her feet kept her grounded to the driveway as she stared down her father.

“Just go.” Y/N said softly, nudging Jonathan to the side to step forward as she looked at her father. “Just go. Go home. We--I don’t want you here.” her voice was quiet, and her hands down at her sides were shaking. She’d never stood up to her father like this before, never outright told him to leave. But it was the only way, since she knew that he wouldn’t listen to anything her brothers said. It had to be her. “Go.” Y/N was losing her nerve, her voice cracking as she added in, “Please.”

Lonnie wasn’t the kind of person to back down from an argument, even if the person he was arguing with was no more than a teenager ( and his own child on top of that ), but he could tell that he was outnumbered. He glanced over at his son Jonathan who he always thought was a soft kid, who was now glaring daggers at Lonnie with his fists clenched and ready for a fight. He looked behind his kids and saw the group of other teens looking on, and he could tell it wasn’t the right time.

“This conversation isn’t over.” he said, rubbing his chin. “I have more to say, kid.” Lonnie turned around and got back in his car, speeding out of the driveway without another word.

It took Y/N no longer hearing the screeching of tires on asphalt to breathe again, the taste of copper in her mouth--she must have bit too hard on her cheek. She closed her eyes and took in a couple of deep breaths as she relaxed her posture once more. Her brothers came from either side of her and pulled her in for a hug, rubbing her back with soothing motions.

And the siblings just stood there in the driveway for a couple of moments, each needing to calm down. Jonathan was trying to work himself down from the anger that he’d felt for his sister, all he’d felt was the urge to protect her from their father. Will wasn’t sure if he was more curious or angry, since he didn’t have many memories of his father at all because the divorce had happened when he was young.

Their friends looked at the sight, keeping themselves back as to not interrupt the moment.

No one spoke.

You could hear the rustling of the wind in the trees from behind their house and the echoing of the cars driving down the street farther down the road.

Then, Jonathan pulled back and took Y/N’s hand, nodding his head at her and she took in another breath and nodded back at him. Jonathan led his siblings to the house, unlocking the front door and letting them in first before calling for the rest of the group to follow behind them.

And, even if none of their friends had been talking, it had been collectively decided they wouldn’t bring up the arrival of Lonnie Byers and instead focus on making the Byers siblings forget that ever happened.

The siblings also decided their own thing: they would not be telling Joyce about their dad showing up, at least until after the party on Saturday. They didn’t want to ruin the celebration any more than it had already felt tainted.

A couple of hours later the group was sitting down on the floor in the Byers living room playing a board game and the stereo was on behind them. No one had even thought of the person who showed up and almost ruined Y/N’s birthday.

Joyce was still at work at Melvald’s, so she’d left the kids money to order pizza for dinner. Which had been the plan, until Robin said they should go out and celebrate the day. Everyone agreed, because it was a good way to end the night. They all decided to go to the retro diner downtown where everything felt like they were on the set of Happy Days with the big juke box in the corner and the servers ran around in fifties era uniforms. It was a little farther, kind of on the other edge of town, but it had the best pies you could imagine.

The group piled into a corner booth with Y/N in the middle. They even made a big deal of telling everyone that it was Y/N’s birthday, which led to a rendition of Happy Birthday sung by the waitstaff to the juke box playing Elvis Presley’s Hound Dog. They’d placed a piece of Y/N’s favorite cake in front of her, candle in it and all, which she blew out happily to the cheers of the rest of the people in the diner who’s attention had been brought over by the birthday celebration.

As everyone dug into their own slices of pie, Y/N looked around at the table and smiled. She stuck her fork into the pie and took a slice, “You know,” she paused to take her bite before nodding and continuing, “I know this isn’t the party we’re having tomorrow night, but this is really the best birthday I’ve had in a long time. You guys are the best.” She couldn’t look anyone in the eyes when she said it, the flush of heat from her own admission covered her cheeks.

"We’re glad you’re here to celebrate with us, Y/N.” Nancy said, reaching her hand across the table to take Y/N’s with a kind smile.

“Yeah, all of us are.” Jonathan nodded, smiling at his sister.

“I’m really glad I’ve got you guys.” Y/N said, looking up and looking at everyone she was at the table with. It wasn’t everyone she was grateful for ( for which they’d need a much bigger table ) but it was a lot of them. Her siblings, new friends.

“Okay, before this gets all sappy.” Robin clapped from Y/N’s side and nudged her friend’s arm with her elbow as she leaned up and she held up the milkshake she’d been sipping on. “I’d like to cheers to my new best friend. She’s only been here a couple of weeks but we’re already like this,” she held up her other hand with crossed fingers and laughed when Y/N did the same thing. “See? We’re in sync. So as her very best friend, I’d like to say thank you for being you and letting us celebrate your birthday today and at the surprise party tomorrow night. Which, by the way, you will totally rock acting surprised because of our drama class.” The way Robin looked at Y/N as she said that made her laugh hard, and so did the rest of the table.

“Let’s hope she I sell it.” Y/N commented as she laughed.

“I know it.” Robin winked at Y/N before turning her attention elsewhere. “Anyway, cheers to Y/N.”

“Hear hear!”

Later everyone was getting ready for bed, even if no one was planning on going to bed right then ( except maybe Joyce, she was exhausted after her shift ). Joyce sat in the kitchen with a cup of tea as she listened to the kids running around the house and talking to each other with a smile. She loved having everyone in her house, even if she somewhat worried about something happening she could put those thoughts to the side for a couple of hours as she listened to her kids chatting with their friends. She was just grateful that all of her kids were under one roof and that everything was okay.

Everyone was okay.

“I’m going to bed, don’t make a mess of the house kids.” Joyce called out, washing her mug in the sink before making her way to each kids door to individually tell them all goodnight, tell them she loved them, and to tell them “not to stay up too late” even if she knew they would ignore that bit. It was one of the things that Y/N really found comforting about being home.

Y/N left her room and went to Jonathan’s knocking on the door before opening it a peak. She knew their mother had just been in, but she still called out, “I’m coming in!” before she actually stepped into the room just in case. Jonathan and Steve had been sitting on the floor looking at something, but both of them pushed what it was away before Y/N could get a look at whatever it was. “Okay weirdos.” she chuckled, shaking her head.

“What’s up, Y/N/N?” Jonathan asked, crossing his arms and acting casual ( which was weird, since he wasn’t really a too casual person ). But he and Steve had just been working on looking at pictures from when he and Y/N both were kids and a couple from now to put up for the party tomorrow, and he didn’t want to have to ruin that like the party had been ruined.

“Okay, so my,” Y/N paused and closed the door before lowering her voice once more to make sure that if her mother was still walking around she wouldn’t hear her talking, “party is tomorrow. I may have forgotten to mention something to you guys.” Y/N shrugged her shoulders, making a face as she looked at her brother shyly and almost worried.

“What?” Jonathan asked, relaxing.

“I kind of invited Billy.” Before either of the boys could react ( even if they did both immediately go to speak ) she held out her arms and looked at them. “He’s still my friend, and he didn’t say if he’d show, but I figured I’d let you guys know and then you can spread the word to everyone else. Make sure that everyone knows he might show up?” Y/N rocked back and forth on her heels and licked her lips. “I’m sorry, I know you guys don’t really like him. But it is my party, and he’s my friend.”

Jonathan had wanted to argue with that, but he knew that Y/N was right. Billy was her friend, even if no one could quite understand how that happened, and they should have thought to invite him. So her brother nodded his head, “We’ll let them know. You’re right.”

“Thank you.” Y/N relaxed, stopping her motions and smiled at her brother. “Night dork, Steve.”

“Night dork.” Jonathan called back to her as she left the room.

“Night Y/N.”

Y/N went back into her room and settled into her bed as she looked at her friends. It had been decided that the three of them could not fit onto her bed together, without one of them being knocked to the floor in the middle of the night ( though it had been fun when they got into the bed and tried to squeeze the three of them into it ). And since they only had one sleeping bag, it was decided that Nancy would take the floor in the sleeping bag.

Robin had put it best when she said, “You think once we’re asleep you’re not sneaking out to see Jonathan. So take the sleeping bag and give me the comfy bed.”

Nancy had rolled her eyes, but when Y/N burst out laughing alongside Robin and called out a, “You know it’s true.” Nancy had eventually given up, agreed, and laughed with them.

In the middle of the night Y/N got out of bed, even if she had to do so quietly and sneakily as to attempt not to wake up Robin beside her. She stood up and stretched from sleeping, her eyes adjusting to the darkness of the room and realized that Nancy was most definitely not in the sleeping bag on the floor.

Y/N left her room in search of a glass of water, hoping that Nancy and Jonathan hadn’t gone for a walk or something. It was too late, and even if nothing had happened in the town since November according to everyone, since she had only just heard about it all she was nervous about what could happen.

Y/N had filled up a glass of water in the sink and gone into the living room, sitting down on the edge of the couch without really looking only to be greeted by something moving under her as she sat down causing her to jump up back to her feet, spilling water all over herself and whatever was on the couch to flip up at the motion, groaning and turning to flip on the light on the couch.

“Steve?!” Y/N whispered loudly, keeping her voice down because she didn’t want to wake anybody else up in the house.

“Y/N? What’s going on? Why am I wet?” Steve mumbled, looking down at his water covered shirt and shaking it out.

“Sorry, I didn’t see you. Why are you sleeping on the couch?” Y/N asked, putting the now empty glass down on the coffee table before taking a seat in the now cleared space on the couch as she looked at him.

“Nancy.” Steve mumbled, still holding the shirt away from his body as it was not only wet but also cold too and he didn’t know what to do about it.

Y/N nodded her head and pressed her lips into a line, “Explains why she wasn’t in my room when I woke up just now.” she hummed, shaking her head. “Sorry you have to sleep on the couch. But it is pretty comfortable, take it from someone who slept on it for a week and a half.”

Steve raised his eyebrows at Y/N, “You slept on the couch for that long?”

“Yeah, my father didn’t ship any of my stuff for a while and then we had to wait for a mattress too.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that.”

Y/N waved her hand, “It’s not a big deal, anyway.”

Steve turned to look at her and thought for a moment, letting the silence fill the space between them. He didn’t know if it was the right thing to say, or the right moment to say it, but it had been on his mind since the afternoon and now that they were alone he just felt like he should get it out there, “I’m sorry about your dad.”

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows at him, shifting on the couch to face him. “Why? It’s not your fault he’s a shitbag. That’s his own fault.”

Steve nodded his head. While his dad wasn’t the best guy, at least he spent most of his time away and at work so Steve only had his mother at home most days and he happened to like his mother. He couldn’t imagine having to deal with the man he’d seen that afternoon for longer than what he’d seen--and he hadn’t even been the one to talk to him. “It’s still not right.”

Y/N snorted quietly as she shook her head, “Yeah, well, life isn’t always right. My kid brother and you guys have fought literal monsters. Like out of another dimension or something beings, I think I could handle Lonnie Byers.”

Steve nodded his head, leaning back on the couch and relaxing into the seat as he spoke, “Yeah, the monsters are unreal. You know, Dustin kept one of them after El killed it? We had to give it back to the, uh, government scientist guy when everything was over. I think Dustin was bummed because he wanted to see what the fuck that thing actually was. If you ask me, I’m glad it’s not sitting in the freezer anymore.”

Sometimes it shocked Y/N how easily they could all bring up these kinds of moments without thinking of it more than oh it’s just what happened to us because she hadn’t even been there and she felt the full weight of it all on her shoulders as if she had dealt with it first hand.

Steve was surprised when she didn’t say anything and he put a hand on her shoulder, prompting Y/N to look at him. Seeing she looked upset, Steve worried and whispered, “Did I say something wrong?”

Y/N shook her head, putting her hand on the arm that he’d reached over to her as she leaned back on the couch. “No, I just, it sounds stupid.”

“I’m sure it’s not stupid, Y/N.”

“No, it is.” Y/N nodded, sighing as she looked at Steve before finishing her thought, “I didn’t even live through it but when you guys mention everything it just scares me and I can’t believe you all went through that. I wasn’t there for Will or Jonathan. I should have been here.” She sniffed, blinking her eyes hard as she didn’t want to cry. “But you’re the one who lived through it and you’re talking about it and I’m having nightmares because if something happens, I don’t think there’s anything I’d be able to do to help.”

As she spoke, Steve had pulled her into his arms as she began to sniffle and he felt like she was going to cry. She rested her head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her and she around him. He shook his head, “I have nightmares.” he didn’t wait for her to speak and ask about them, but he did feel her gaze turn back to look at him as he continued speaking softly. “The first couple of nights after everything happened I was a mess and wasn’t sleeping because I’d see one of those things every time I closed my eyes. And I worry about something coming back all the time, I think we all do, but I think that it’s better for us to talk about it like that because it’s some fucked up shit.” Y/N snorted at his phrasing. “No, seriously. It’s seriously fucked up. Like we had real life monsters trying to kill us, and all of us were hurt. But if we avoid talking about it, or only talk about it as if it’s going to happen again, I think we’d all be freaking out constantly.”

Y/N looked up at Steve when he was speaking and she blinked when he finished. “Really, I feel like I should be comforting you now.” she giggled softly, mostly into the sleeve of his shirt.

“No one’s comforting anybody. I’m just hugging the birthday girl.”

“My birthday ended a couple of hours ago, Steve.”

“Are we throwing you a party tonight or not?”

“You are.”

“Then it’s still your birthday by default.”

They spent a while talking back and forth, both of them distracting each other from what they had dealt with and getting their minds ready for the party that day. Neither of them expected to fall asleep on the couch, tangled in each other’s arms.

Thankfully Nancy had seen this and come out to get Y/N to go back into her room before Joyce woke up too, but not before she stole Jonathan’s polaroid camera and snapped a picture of the pair of them, leaving it to develop on Jonathan’s desk.

Steve woke up a few minutes after Y/N and Nancy were back in Y/N’s room, mostly from missing the warmth that he’d had before, but he shrugged and just rolled over and curled back to sleep on the couch.

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #stranger things imagine #stranger things fanfiction #byers!reader #the prodigal sister #abuse tw #abuse mention tw #emotional abuse tw

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jq37 · 5 years ago

Note

May we have a recap, please? :)

**spoilers for panic at the art show and home for the holidays**

OK people. I actually don’t have a ton of commentary on these two so I’m gonna try and keep it (relatively) short and sweet [Edit from Future Me: Failed Step 1].

Also, iirc, this is the week Dropout starts streaming new Fantasy High eps on Wednesdays which is very dope and I am very excited for. I probably won’t do full on recaps like I do for normal eps because, lbr, I don’t strictly have the time to be recapping these eps at all and it’s pure stubbornness that keeps me from making wiser time management decisions. But, rest assured, if I have an Opinion, you will hear it whether you want to or not.

Anyway, on with the show.

Last recap, I mentioned that this ep was giving me Aelwen house party vibes and now it reminds me of that ep in another way: Everyone rolled like TRASH almost the entire ep. It was so frustrating! They barely got any hits in until like halfway through the ep.

(Aw man, I just realized I’m gonna have to remember which spelling of Aelwen is correct again now that FH is coming back.)

I love how Murph is immediately like, “I need to make sure my wife doesn’t die during this fight avenging her fictional husband.”

Isabella also has Aelwen’s trick of poofing around the battlefield which is annoying as hell (ha) for the group.

Siobhan hilariously casts fear on Priya just to be spiteful. I thought she was doing it to help the evac process but no. It was a purely spiteful action. Bless.

When Kug turns into an ape he, of course, turns into *the* NY ape, King Kong.

“I roll a nat 20 on an epic shit.”

When Brennan was describing Kingston’s spectral New Yorker Guardians I was already thinking about that one part of Spiderman 2 (the OG Toby Mac version) and then he straight up said, “You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us,” and I lost it.

“Deny the stairs the pleasure of my feet.” Emily is a poet.

I want to know what makes a pigeon spicy more than anything.

The fact that Brennan killed Ox AGAIN and then immediately looked into the camera and let the audience know the dog was fine because he clearly Oracle stared into the future between eps and saw the entire internet sharpening their pitchforks was so funny.

About midway through the ep, Pete tries and fails to send Isabella back to hell and Isabella starts monologing about her plans and connection with Robert Moses (she stole the list from Santa and is/was gonna marry Moses apparently). I wonder if Brennan was like, “These players are for sure gonna murder her without getting any useful info out of her unless she goes full Bond Villain right now.”

And, proving my point, Emily immediately does 56 points of damage, royally f-ing Isabella up.

This is a really civilian heavy fight which feels weird in a way the FH fights never did. Like, these aren’t even civilians who live in an adventuring town in a fantasy world. These are just normal ass civilians in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Pete fails a wild magic roll after failing to teleport into the building and then gets a choice of getting really strong (which prob would have let him bust down the door) or to teleport in (which is what he does and exactly what he wanted). Very clutch when the dice rolls play into the story like that.

Kingston lightning bolts Isabella’s hair off which is just malicious but also totally called for.

On her next turn, Sophie gets hurt on purpose to get low enough to activate her ring, lets her hair burn for long enough to shorten it to a cute bob, insults Isabella, then knocks her tf out.

I love that Emily took one of her teeth (a seemingly crazy move) and when called out by Lou was like, “It’s a link to Robert Moses” (a completely reasonable answer). That’s the Axford one-two punch.

I didn’t mention it before but, Willie the golem is here, first immobile but then brought back by Misty. Post fight, he says he was somehow brought here by one of the evil factions of the city and says they’ll talk about it later. Also, Misty makes out with him (DON’T KINKSHAME HER).

With a high insight roll, Kingston is able to deduce that the group was ambushed (though not by Priya) and that their victory was a really important one for the fate of the city.

(Sidenote: The amount that Pete is Over Priya in this ep is so funny.)

Back at Wally’s (which is where Kug is now staying) Wally has gotten Kug a dog bed to sleep in and fancy charcuterie cheese because he and Ricky are the only pure-hearted people in NYC.

At the same time, Pete and Kingston have a very sweet heart to heart and then settle down at Kingston’s place to chill and listen to jazz. Idk how else we expected this to resolve, considering this is a Brennan Lee Mulligan DM’d show where the sacred pillars are Teamwork, Friendship, Communication, and Making up an NPC on the Fly Because One of Your PC’s Decided to do an Insane Thing.

Next up is the Christmas ep and Brennan, Emily, and Zac are in sweaters for the occasion.

Well,actually it’s the 21st and Emily immediately clocks that that’s the solstice.

Are cookies the good carb?/Absolutely not. But have fun with your life. (I love Ricky’s soft jock energy.)

“I run deliveries,” Pete says to Kingston’s parents, not technically lying but also not being completely truthful. Misty would be proud.

Going over to Misty, it seems pretty clear at this point (and it’s confirmed in the promo for next ep) that Misty’s fairy business is some kind of de-aging/reincarnation for herself. I wonder how many of these she’s done so far. She said she’s been around for, what? 200, 300 years? Assuming she’s been doing then reincarnations at about 65-70 years old and she reincarnates to around 25? Maybe 6 times? Idk. Just spitballing.

Saucer of milk to keep the faeries from stealing her (non-existing) children. Faerie lore is wild y'all.

Did you take another level of warlock?/Yeah bitch.

The fact that since Sophie has joined a monastery, she’s only taken Warlock levels and no Monk levels is very funny from a story perspective. It’s like, she finally comes to this sacred place to be trained to her full potential and she’s just spending what should be her sparring time playing with her cat in exchange for spells. Wild.

Emily’s cat-like, self-satisfied grin when Brennan is like, “So you just jerry-rigged yourself clairvoyance powers, huh?” is so good.

And she did it on the fly because Emily Axford is winning D&D. There are no points but she’s winning.

So, uh, Emily does, two things, very in character right after the other:

Thing number one: She send her unseen servant to spy on her family. Her dad seems hardline, “F, Dale. Whatever. Family first. She needs to get over it.” On the other side of the spectrum is her mom who is very upset about the whole affair with her siblings falling in the middle.

The second thing she does, very casually I might add, is have her unseen servant BURN DOWN HER HOUSE SO SHE CAN COMMIT INSURANCE FRAUD.

EMILY

Everyone loses their minds and rightfully so. What a wild-ass swing that no one could have seen coming. I love it.

“I look in my backpack which is now my home[…]"

I almost forgot that Ricky was a fire fighter who would not abide that nonsense until Brennan decided to cut to him.

Ricky just dolphin swims across the Hudson in 2.5 mins to go put out the fire that Sophie set. Amazing.

Ally mocking Emily/Sophie: Truthfully, I don’t know what happened.

"I love John McClane, because he loves his wife.” WALLY

Wally: Oh we’re gonna tell a lie on Christmas.

“This is what winning looks like.”

I would really like to know what trace stuff what on the drugs Pete got from 7 but Ally rolled too low to figure it out.

“I disassociate fully."

Well it took him a long ass time but glad to have Pete on the selling drugs to kids is bad train. Choo-choo, dude.

7 saying you can hack in real life in reference to his AK-47 has the same energy as Hardison using the word hack in literally any semi-weird episode of Leverage.

SOCIAL MEDIA IS VOLUNTARY PANOPTICON

So Kug goes with Wally to David’s house disguised as a dog and, despite that, blurts out that he’s his dad immediately. Well, he tries to. The Umbral Arcana stops him, unfortunately.

"I lick my son’s face.” KUUUUG.

Sophie showing up with a raw goose and hellish rebuking it is so metal and it’s a shame no one got to appreciate it.

Me when Sophie’s Mom changes into black top in solidarity for Sophie’s mourning: F EVERY OTHER NON-SOPHIE BICICLETA. I RESPECT YOU.

Kingston is hustling very hard to get his man Pete a job which is a very Kingston move. That’s how guys like that show affection.

Didn’t mention it before but Kingston’s parents and Mom specifically adopting Pete is very cute.

Sidenote: Idk what 7 was talking about Pete trying to stay low profile. He wears a cowboy hat (now a ZEBRA STRIPED one, courtesy of Kingston). I think the subtlety train has sailed my guy.

Esther shows up at the firehouse, carrying presents for her mom and grandma and looking for Ricky. The says that she’s kinda dealing with something and it feels good to be around him (beat) magically speaking. Sure. I’m gonna keep my Hercules soundtrack on hand just in case anyway.

I think Ricky is the only person who, with no pretense, could give his crush a sexy calendar featuring him.

Anyway, turns out Esther’s mom and grandma are the furies of Tompkins Square and she’s fated to join them or something.

Esther causally: I defy you, I defy the prophecy.

The fury thing would explain why Esther’s mom would have cursed Kug. They are famously magical punishers.

Ricky is a magically certified Good Boy but we been knew.

Zac’s restraint to respect Esther’s personal boundaries in lieu of getting a lore drop to stay true to Ricky’s character is amazing. Mad props.

So we slide over to Misty’s Christmas party which Stephen Sondhein is attending and him having a character card kinda killed me.

There’s a post on tumblr somewhere about playing faerie incapability for impoliteness against a vampires need to be invited in and that’s what I thought about when Moses and his vamp friends showed up at Misty’s house.

Robert tries to talk Misty into striking a deal with him for protection from Titania. She’s very much not having it.

“You know Robert, I love a comedy and I love a farce. I’d like to remind you of who it is that started this and it’s not me and it’s not my friends but I can assure you Robert Moses that we will be the ones to end it if you do not. Do you understand me?” Damn. That’s a mic drop from Misty.

[As I’m editing this, I’m realizing I somehow lost a BIG chunk of text. I’m not gonna write it all up again but the Cliffnotes are as follows:

Between the Solstice and Christmas, the gang goes Grand Central Station to see the clockwork gnomes that live there because trouble is apparently afoot. Some size changing nonsense happens and Pete shoots a dog (with mini bullets, the dog is fine). Lou is enchanted even though Kingston is not (a common theme with him). Ally and Emily are on the same nonsense wavelength (as usual).

There are dope magical dragon trains under Grand Central Station that go to the shadow realm which is a place I’d like to know about. Kingston has never seen these trains before even though you’d really think he would have.

Murph says Gnome Rights which is wild if you know what Naddpod is like.

Anyway, the high priestess of the gnomes passed out the other day and they figure out it was due to pixie magic which is suspicious. They also know they pixies have access to a “time stone” which leads me to believe that it’s Brennan and not Aguefort who thinks that Chronomancy is the most powerful magic of all.

Sophie and Jackson go to Dale’s grave on Christmas. Jackson explains that the Order of the Concrete Fist is basically a literal school of hard knocks. A counterbalance to all the reach for the stars dreaminess that comes with NYC.

Dale was their chosen one who was supposed to stop the monastery from falling when some unspecified badness crossed over to this side, but when he went to the place where he was supposed to get guidance, there was no one there (clearly tying in to what Dale said to Sophie last time they talked. I wonder what she needs to get to the top of? Empire State maybe?).

Watching Murph watching Emily, his real life spouse, play at grief for her fictional husband and do some truly insane things is so funny because you can clearly see him thinking, “I am married to this woman,” which, in fairness, is probably the main thing he’s thinking when he’s playing D&D with Emily.

I’m probably missing something but that’s all I remember. Back to post-Christmas!]

So it’s opening night at Misty’s show and, somehow, Ricky’s first show ever.

I love that Don Confetti is there because of Siobhan’s offhanded comment for a handful of eps ago about him being a supporter of the arts.

Anyway, everything is going great until the second act when Titania busts in through the mirror which is *not* is storage as Misty requested but on stage. It’s a theater fight, y'all! And not the West Side Story kind although if that doesn’t come up I will be very surprised.

“Let’s kill Titania!” –Misty in the promo

Just going straight to 11, huh Misty?

See y'all then!

#dimension 20 #the unsleeping city #d20 #asks #kickmuncher3

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lelouche · 6 years ago

Text

Orphans of the Storm: Attachment, Trauma and the Developmental Trajectories of Lelouch and Nunnally in Code Geass

Alternatively titled, Matt Has a Lot of Thoughts About the Lamperouges. 7000+ words of thoughts, to be exact. Some of them might even be semi-intelligent. Admittedly, much of this was written from a hospital office while procrastinating writing patient journals for actual patients who are real humans and not fictional characters. Thank you to my supervisor for not supervising me very much.

I. Introduction

First, let us first briefly set the stage. The story of Code Geass is set in an alternate universe where the social-darwinist, imperialist superpower The Holy Britannian Empire is ruling large parts of the world. Lelouch and Nunnally vi Britannia are born into the royal family as children of 98th Emperor Charles zi Britannia and one of his consorts, Marianne. After their mother is assassinated in a terrorist attack at the Imperial Palace, an incident which leaves Nunnally blind and paralysed from the waist down, the two are sent to Japan as political hostages. The Britannian Empire then invades Japan shortly after they arrive, and they must seek refuge with the Ashfords, a wealthy family with ties to their mother Marianne. Presumed dead by the rest of the royal family, they take on the surname Lamperouge and begin to live in hiding in the now-colonised Japan, renamed Area 11.

These events constitute what is to become Lelouch’s raison d’être through the entire series - finding out who assassinated his mother, and creating a safer, kinder environment for his sister to grow up in. Nunnally is an extremely, and I cannot stress this enough, extremely important figure for Lelouch through the entire series (to the point where it’s kind of a joke in most spin-off material). He’s her main caregiver along with their maid Sayako, and protecting her is his primary goal - often at the expense of his own safety, his friends’ safety, and/or massive collateral damage. In this essay, I will analyse their relationship with their parents and each other through the lens of attachment theory, and discuss how these dynamics shape their developmental trajectories as they grow up. I will focus on two domains of development in particular: (1) emotional regulation and (2) identity. Based on this analysis, I’ll make the argument that Nunnally, despite being the one experiencing the most trauma, ended up more well-adjusted than Lelouch. Furthermore, although the series places much emphasis on how Lelouch is the one protecting Nunnally, he is actually more dependent on his sister than she is on him. I will also discuss how these central themes tie into Lelouch’s goals and political ideology.

II. Ode to My Family: The Fundamentals of Attachment Theory

Attachment theory is a psychological theory originating from the work of John Bowlby, concerning the bond between caregivers and their children. Put simply, Bowlby proposed that children are biologically predisposed to form deep, lasting bonds with their caregivers, and this bond has an important influence on subsequent development. In the attachment relationship, the caregiver functions as both a secure base from which to explore (for example, a child feeling safe when playing knowing a parent is nearby), and safe haven to turn to for emotional support (if they get scared or hurt when playing). Caregivers, on their end, facilitate secure attachment through moderate and appropriate stimulation of the child, warmth, mutually responsive interactions, and other behaviours that promote ‘connectedness’. Especially interesting is a trait called mind-mindedness, which can be described as a caregivers ability to conceptualise their child as an independent person, understand their mental/emotional state and respond appropriately. Important to note about attachment bonds is that they’re not “horizontal” - the caregiver and child aren’t on the same “level” as mutual attachment figures to each other, but the caregiver (as the older, wiser, and more experienced person who is able to provide care) will be a figure that the child can rely on.

A healthy attachment bond has a variety of important functions. It promotes the growth of self-reliance (which promotes independency), increases capacity for emotion regulation, promotes later social competence (such as empathy and mutual relationships), and is important for later identity development. This happens through the acquisition of so-called internal working models, that the child employs through their life. To simplify a bit, think of attachment as the mechanism by which caregivers, through their behaviour, teach children what to expect from the world around them, and what strategies to employ to best cope with it. At its core, it is about seeking security and safety - a form of healthy and adaptive dependence that provides a solid foundation and sense of security from which independence can grow

There are three main classifications of attachment bonds - secure, insecure and disorganised. Securely attached children will develop positive internal working models, where world is a fundamentally safe place, they are loved and worthy of that love. Interactions with the caregivers are frequent, mutual and predictable. For insecure attachment, there are two subcategories: avoidant and ambivalent. Insecure-ambivalent attachment is associated with unpredictable interaction styles, where some interactions between caregiver and child may be warm and mutually responsive, while others are more detached or unpredictable. This leads to frustration and confusion, and an ambivalent relationship. Insecure-avoidant attachment, on the other hand, is typically associated with a non-responsive and uninvolved form of care, or an absent caregiver. In this case, the child may feel rejected and like they cannot rely on anyone. Disorganised attachment simply means there is a lack of any organised form of attachment, but that’s not going to be relevant here so let’s ignore that one.

In summary:

Did you really think you were getting through this one without at least ONE chart? (Note: ambivalent and resistant attachment is the same thing)

Also, important note before moving on from this bit: (1) Attachment is not the be-all end-all for positive/negative developmental outcomes, and (2) I’ll obviously be a bit quicker to assume correlation and draw conclusions than I would in real life, because in my mind applying this stuff to literary analysis vs. applying it to real people are two completely different things. Fiction consists of a series of deliberate choices of storytelling and elements you can easily pick apart and draw lines between (preferably with red string on a corkboard wall, while looking slightly manic), whereas people are, like, more complicated and stuff - nature and nurture and all that.

Now, with attachment theory in mind, let’s have a look at the evil Britannian disaster parents.

III. The Mother We Share: (In)Secure Attachment in the Imperial Palace

Before taking a deep dive into Lelouch and Nunnally’s relationship with one another, it’s essential to discuss their relationships with their parents. Unfortunately for me, there really isn’t much canon material regarding their lives prior to Marianne’s death and the subsequent exile in Japan. However, even with the limited information available, I think it’s fairly safe to say neither Charles nor Marianne deserve a parent-of-the-year award - a point cleverly foreshadowed by me when I referred to them as evil disasters just a few sentences ago.

As for Charles, I hardly need to even make a case that he probably wasn’t a great father. It’s never outright stated in the series, but I’m going to assume they had minimal or no contact with Charles. The main reason behind this is: why would they? He had 108 (!) consorts with whom he had many children, and was busy ruling the largest empire in the world. And as if that wasn’t enough, Lelouch and Nunnally weren’t even particularly high up in in the line of succession and would have been unlikely to ever rule in their lifetime (if it hadn’t been for, er, circumstances). Furthermore, because of his grand plan to fuse humanity into one collective unconscious through the Ragnarök Connection, none of this would matter to him anyway. Additionally, I think his lack of contact with his children is very apparent through the way Lelouch interacts with his father when confronting him about Marianne’s death, which I’ll get back to.

So, we can reasonably conclude Charles was an uninvolved/absent caregiver. However, things get a little more interesting with Marianne.

This isn’t relevant to the topic or anything, I just think it’s neat how they made Lelouch so visually similar to his mother. In addition to physical traits, Marianne’s dress here has a really similar structure to what would later become her sons rebellion outfit of choice. She even has a chess-piece-esque hat to go with. Then again, I suppose the alternative was making him visually similar to Charles, and that wouldn’t make for a lot of good fanservice now would it. Anyway, this image description is too long.

As mentioned, avenging his mother’s death is one of the most significant driving forces for Lelouch throughout the series. Her assassination impacted him greatly, both in and of itself and through the harm it caused Nunnally. Whenever she’s brought up, they both seem to get visibly downhearted, and there’s never any indication they remember her anything but fondly. In picture drama 22.25 (from their time as children in the Imperial Palace), the Britannian siblings find a commemorative plate that belongs to her in Euphie’s room. They start to bicker over it, because Nunnally wants to have it herself, while Lelouch thinks Euphie should keep it because it belongs to her. This all indicates that the royal children admired Marianne, and she was obviously an important figure to them both. Through this idolisation, as well as Lelouch’s obsession with what happened at the Imperial Palace, the narrative seems to want us to assume she was a good parent.

However, there are a few things that call into question how reliable of a narrator Lelouch actually is concerning Marianne. Towards the end of the series, it’s revealed that she is actually very much alive, and completely on board with Charles’ Ragnarök plan - making her one of the series’ main antagonists. During Lelouch’s final confrontation with his parents in C’s World in S2 E21, she is unable (or unwilling) to see how faking her death, traumatising her children, shipping them off to a country the Empire promptly invaded without ever making sure they’re still alive, and then trying to convince them to get on board with her human instrumentality plan is wrong. As her wiki bluntly states: “She only superficially loves her children and will not hesitate to kill them if they get in her way.” Taking this information about her character into account, I consider it more likely that the reason Lelouch and Nunnally idolised Marianne was either (1) because they based their impression largely on her reputation, rather than because she genuinely was a loving mother, or (2) she was a very good actor.

At least she provided some strategies to prepare her children for having to cope with the emotional trauma she was about to inflict on them.

How to make sense of their relationship with Marianne from an attachment perspective? I think this is largely up to interpretation due to lack of pre-series material. Lelouch and Nunnally both seem to like and look up to her, but that does not necessarily indicate secure attachment. I would argue they had an insecure relationship with Marianne, and that argument is based on two things. First, her personality traits and actions (rather than Lelouch and Nunnally’s accounts of her): she blatantly uses her children as pawns for her plan, and doesn’t care all that much that they were suffering as a result. Even though she does argue all her planning was well-intentioned, this act quickly fall apart when Lelouch challenges her. As C.C. tells her, “the only people you love are yourselves”. Calling this sort of behaviour “poor mind-mindedness” or “lack of parental warmth” is an understatement - I simply don’t see a scenario where Marianne would genuinely care.

Secondly, I’d argue you can infer it from Lelouch’s patterns of behaviour as he grows older. Many of his actions, and the themes surrounding him as a character, could be seen as a manifestation of insecure attachment - his attitude towards Nunnally, attitude towards his friends in the student council, his emotionality, and the general theme of a fragmented identity, to mention some. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Point is, there is good reason to believe Lelouch or Nunnally had any form of secure attachment bond to either of their parents, and this has some implications for their development as the series goes on.

IV. Abandoned by the Empire: Trauma and Parentification

In addition to not having the best relationships with their parents to begin with, Lelouch and Nunnally were then burdened with more baggage after their mother’s death. In Nunnally’s case, her trauma from the incident was primarily physical (blindness and paralysation of her legs), due to her being literally in Marianne’s arms as she was shot. Lelouch was a witness, and escaped without physical injury. Afterwards, while his sister is still in hospital, he takes it upon himself to confront his father about what happened, and accuses him of having allowed, even facilitated, the assassination through purposefully neglecting security measures that day.

While Nunnally was by all means most harmed by the attack, it is here in the aftermath I’d argue Lelouch takes his “main blow” in the parental trauma department. When confronted, Charles gets angry and tells Lelouch that everything in his life has been handed to him by virtue of being a child of the royal family, and thus he’s never truly accomplished anything - he might as well be dead, and therefore has no right to doubt or disobey him. This is an especially cruel statement in the context of the social-darwinist Britannia, where the strength to survive by your own measures is seen as highly important, maybe even the only thing that truly is important. Lelouch then visibly flinches and falls back when Charles stands up, in a manner that seems outright terrified. Keep in mind, all this is happening in front of the Royal Court.

This scene in particular is the main reason I cannot imagine Lelouch or Nunnally having any kind of relationship with Charles prior to the incident, much less a secure and healthy one. You’d think the threshold for a young child to turn and publicly accuse his father of premeditated murder in front of the Britannian Royal Court would be astronomically high, especially if he actually liked and trusted him. Additionally, as I mentioned earlier, one of the most important functions of the caregiver is being a secure base in difficult and unsafe situations, which means that children typically tend to turn towards their parents during situations where they feel scared. Flinching away (so severely he even falls back, with a horrified expression on his face), rather than seeking closure, is highly indicative of insecure attachment/parental neglect.

As if all this wasn’t enough, Lelouch and Nunnally are then separated from all their siblings to be relocated to Japan as political hostages. Again, the pre-series material is pretty thin, but throughout the series there are indications that they had good relationships with some of their siblings. For example, Lelouch recalls playing chess with Schneizel, and possibly had some kind of relationship with Clovis judging by their conversation before Lelouch kills him. Both Lelouch and Nunnally also seem to have been very close with Euphie - in Stage 22.25, they’re playing in her room and don’t want to go to sleep because they’re having so much fun. Lelouch even refers to Euphie as the first girl he ever loved (let’s just... not unpack this one). Point is, not only do they get traumatised by and separated from their parents (whom they already had an insecure relationship with), but they’re also ripped away from their entire network of social support, except for each other.

This image is so fucking sad. Fuck.

So, when Lelouch and Nunnally arrive in Japan, they’re on their own. And because he is older, and because of Nunnally’s disability, Lelouch ends up taking on most of the responsibility. He carries her up the stairs when they arrive at the shrine, washes their clothing, buys their food, and so on. In addition to these practical tasks, he also tries to comfort his sister emotionally and seems to also feel responsible for her well-being - for example, when discovering their lodgings were small and quite sad-looking, he tries to shield Nunnally from it by lying and telling her it looks like Euphie’s room. When Suzaku first meets Nunnally, Lelouch instantly runs into the room because he heard a noise, and freaks out at Suzaku because he thinks he’s going to harm her. For all intents and purposes, he steps into a caregiver role for his sister - an attachment figure, one might even say. This shift in their dynamic becomes very apparent when comparing their relationship in Japan and onwards, to the aforementioned bickering-over-a-plate incident in Euphie’s room, where they were fighting and playing like siblings.

This phenomenon is sometimes called parentification, in which the absence of adult figures providing sufficient care causes one child to bear more responsibility than is normal for the age, and step into the role of “parent”. Parentification can be adaptive and healthy with concrete/practical tasks, in small periods of time and with plenty support, for example pre-teens babysitting their younger cousins. Suffice to say, Lelouch had none of those things. He is Nunnally’s sole contact, made worse by himself by being stubborn and not wanting to let anyone else in to help. Additionally, plenty of other risk factors for destructive parentification is present - the tasks are diffuse, all-consuming and way above the level appropriate for his age, he gets no sort of recognition, reward, or help, it lasts a long period of time (permanently), generational lines become somewhat blurred, and his own needs end up taking second priority to him. And, as you’ll remember from the attachment theory section, this kind of relationship is not horizontal in nature - Lelouch and Nunnally don’t provide each other mutual support of this nature, but rather Lelouch is the one providing a function for Nunnally.

In the beginning of this section, I mentioned that Nunnally’s trauma as a result of Marianne’s death was primarily physical. However, she evidently went through a great deal of psychological trauma as well. A novel detailing their childhoods in Japan states that Nunnally privately had a terrible time coping with the changes in her life and would throw tantrums when left to her own at Kururugi residence, destroying nearly anything she could get her hands on. However, unless she secretly throws tantrums whenever her brother is off screen, this doesn’t seem to be an issue during the span of the series. I’d argue this could be attributed to Lelouch functioning as a caregiver for her - she had someone there to help her, calm her down and provide external emotional regulation, which in turn helped her learn to better regulate her emotional states on her own. Lelouch provides safety and warmth, and, in doing so, becomes a buffer for his sister.

Lelouch, however, has no such buffers. Because of this, it’s easy to draw a line between his parental problems and trauma, and his subsequent maladjusted pattern behaviour when the siblings arrive in Japan. At the Kururugi residence, both him and Nunnally are offered both food and clothing, but he is insistent on providing everything himself - he washes all their clothes, and buys their food with coupons in town, despite being beat up by the other boys there for being Britannian. He’s distrustful towards everyone there (before later warming up to Suzaku) and hypersensitive for any possible threat to Nunnally’s safety. In my opinion, it’s evident Charles’ words had an impact on him. When Suzaku asks why he is so hellbent on refusing help, he responds with: “I’ll live by my own strength, and I won’t be dead any longer!” Through caregivers, children learn what to expect from the world and their own place in it - in Lelouch’s case, he clearly sees the world as an unsafe place with few people to truly trust, and considers himself only worth something if he is entirely independent. Although independence is often seen as a “mature” trait in children and therefore indicative of “good” development, healthy dependence and attachment in childhood is crucial for the facilitation of later healthy independence. And unlike Nunnally (who has him), he doesn’t have anyone to rely on and turn to for his security.

Diverting slightly from the topic at hand, I think this highlights the interesting narrative role of C.C. as the closest thing Lelouch has to a caregiver proxy. I am in no way trying to imply she is outright maternal towards him, but she’s of help and offers practical and sometimes emotional support - a role no other person in Lelouch’s life really fills. I already explained why Nunnally isn’t a possible candidate, and Suzaku, while an important figure in Lelouch’s life, has his own essay-worthy plate of parental problems to deal with. Additionally, their whole enemy situation doesn’t make him someone Lelouch can reliably turn to for comfort and support. C.C however, is older, wiser, more “stable”, and seems to know how to offer emotional support in a way that somewhat calms Lelouch down. In turn, he occasionally tries to reach out to her in difficult situations (or at least he gives into having breakdowns in front of her), which he doesn’t seem to do with anyone else. If only she’d intervened when he was a child instead of just standing there dramatically in the background. But alas.

V. Some Things Just Stick in Your Mind: Differential Susceptibility

Earlier, I briefly mentioned Nunnally being the one most harmed by Marianne’s death. She was younger when it happened, more directly involved, and experienced a greater loss of function as a result which altered her lifestyle significantly. Based on this, I could easily argue that the incident would have far more damaging implications for her long-term psychological well-being compared to her older brother. I could, but I won’t, because it didn’t. Despite all these risk factors present in Nunnally’s case, their mother’s death seems to have made far more of a long-term impact on Lelouch. We’ve already discussed the most important reason why: Lelouch providing Nunnally with protective care associated with a secure parent, thus functioning as a buffer for her trauma. In this section, I’d like to discuss another important factor, interacting with attachment security: namely, differential susceptibility (also sometimes called responsiveness for care).

When we meet Lelouch in the beginning of Code Geass, he feels stuck and utterly powerless in his situation. He gambles on chess to pass time, but feels otherwise bored, restless and detached from his environment. When he receives the power of Geass from C.C., it gives him what he claims he wanted all along - a tool to take control of his life, get revenge on those who wronged him and actually do something. Thus, a plan to overthrow the Britannian Empire is formed and set into motion. The main targets seem to be the royal family as he struggles to systematically take down the empire and search for information - once he meets his brother Clovis, he shoots him (seemingly) without much hesitation. As time goes on, he sacrifices more and more time and energy to his obsessive goal, while his web of lies and various interpersonal becomes increasingly difficult to manage. There is a reason his character is often compared to the likes of Light Yagami (despite them having completely opposing ideologies, but that’s an essay topic for another day) - his arc follows the same downward spiral pattern, where one thing leads to another and suddenly you’re up to your ears in civilian casualties. It’s obvious Lelouch hasn’t accepted, gotten over, or forgiven his family in the slightest, and takes this anger out on those he perceives wronged him in search of an answer.

Meanwhile, Nunnally doesn’t exhibit anything close to this kind of grudge. She seems upset whenever it is brought up, but otherwise seems to have made peace with what happened and ready to forgive her family. One might argue this comes down to a difference of opportunity - Nunnally doesn’t exactly have the power of Geass, or even functioning eyes of the non-mind control variety, so it might be a bit more difficult to get certain things done. Such as killing off most of the Britannian royal family. However, even before Lelouch got the power of Geass, he expressed a wish to destroy Britannia for what they did to him and his sister. So, unless Nunnally has some secret desire to kill that was just never mentioned (in which case this whole essay is null and void, I suppose), Lelouch seems to be coping with his trauma in a much more maladaptive way than his sister, turning his sadness and feelings of rejection into anger and resentment, which ended up staying with him pretty much until the day he died.

Reach your arm out and grab the stars or whatever that quote from LoGH is.

Based on this, I’d argue Lelouch is what one might call a flexible strategist. This doesn’t refer to his military tactics (although he seems pretty flexible with those as well) but simply means that, for better and for worse, he’s relatively sensitive to factors and people in his external environment. On one hand, he seems to flourish in environments where he gets support. During his childhood in the Imperial Palace, he seemed to mostly get along with and care about his siblings (as mentioned earlier). He was also by all accounts a very bright child - he did say he never managed to beat Schneizel at chess, but to give Lelouch some credit here, Schneizel at the time would have been an adult man in his early 20s, while Lelouch was, like, 7. The fact he even stood a chance is fairly impressive. I do not want to argue chess ability is the ultimate measurement of childhood functioning, but my point here is this: he seemed to be on a decent developmental path, both cognitively and socially, all things considered. On the other hand, he tends to react poorly whenever something goes wrong. I’ll talk about this in more depth in the emotional development section, but tl;dr: Lelouch is a very volatile character, who tends to have very high highs and low lows.

While Lelouch seems to be more “formable” by both positive and negative environmental influences, Nunnally is more of a so-called fixed strategist. She, like Lelouch, seemed to be in a decent place before the incident, had a period of acting out after her trauma (throwing tantrums etc.), but got “back on track” through Lelouch fairly quickly. She seems more forgiving of her family, for example when she is instantly supportive of Euphie’s special administrative zone (which Lelouch has a very ambivalent relationship with). Towards the endgame in S2, she even aligns herself with Schneizel. As her arc goes on, she shows herself more and more capable of functioning without Lelouch’s help, and make decisions of her own, based on her own opinions. Her outlook on the world seems to be much more down-to-earth and less black and white. Even when her own brother (the only person she’s been able to rely on for most of her life) geasses her and literally leaves her lying on the floor, she tries to reason with him. This is obviously just speculation, but I think had something similar happened to Lelouch he would have, psychologically speaking, completely lost it (in fact, he does lose it multiple times, which I’ll also get back to). Additionally, from the glimpse we see of Nunnally with Suzaku after Zero Requiem, it seems like she’s been able to cope relatively well with her brother’s death. In general, she seems to find her feet much easier than Lelouch and is more stable across situations.

To summarise everything so far: I’d argue neither Charles nor Marianne were secure caregivers for Lelouch and Nunnally. This is implied not only by their traits and actions, but can be inferred from Lelouch’s maladaptive developmental path. The reason we see this pattern develop in Lelouch but not Nunnally is that he, through parentification, functioned as a buffer for her. Furthermore, this difference in trajectories is amplified by their different underlying susceptibilities - Lelouch more sensitive/formable by negative events and loss in general, while Nunnally is more resilient. From this point on I’ll focus mainly on Lelouch, and discuss how this magnificent cocktail of risk factors explain his developmental outcomes as an older teenager - in particular, how it shines through when it comes to his emotionality, identity, and goals/motivations.

VI. Thunder in Our Hearts: Emotional Development and Interpersonal Relationships

Lelouch frequently throughout the series, for lack of a better term, loses his absolute shit. For example, in the scene where he plays chess with Mao in S1 E16, he screams and dramatically falls backwards when the last piece is thrown onto the scale. He’s completely devoid of expression, and is well and truly out of it until Suzaku arrives. He ends up in a similar state of mind when he thinks Nunnally is killed in S2, where it seems like he’s completely detached from his surroundings - just repeating that he wants to speak with her. In addition to these dissociative-esque states in response to extreme stress, he has lesser breakdown and outbursts as well, such as: after Shirley’s father dies, after the incident with Euphie, when he’s flipping out at Rolo upon seeing his phone locket, etc. Additionally, he’s been shown to take stress and anger out on other people in the (kinda hilarious) scene where he goes to an abandoned street to use his Geass on random people, making them dance as he stands there being angsty. These bursts of emotion don’t exclusively concern negative situations either, as evidenced by his multiple periods of manic laughter and monologues during battle.

I once read this Geass analysis claiming Lelouch is an unemotional character. As evidenced by these screenshots, that was a correct take and not inaccurate at all. Emotions? Where?

In addition to being fairly emotional, Lelouch’s character is also very centered around the people in his life. His mother and sister are the primary motivation through the series. He uses Nunnally’s well-being to justify his actions. He let’s C.C. comfort him. He cares greatly about Shirley, and is devastated at her father’s death (though one can only assume he feels a bit better after punching a wall in the shower), to the point where he erases her memory to spare her the suffering he’s bringing by getting her involved. He obviously deeply cares about Suzaku (again - essay for another day), and orders him to keep on living no matter what, despite him being the number one obstacle for Zero’s plans. If he expresses this affection in a reasonable way is another question entirely - his main way of expressing his love for Nunnally seems to be killing thousands of people for her sake, Shirley by erasing her memory, and Suzaku by forcing him to live on at any cost, which is the exact opposite of what he wanted.

He also has a recurring pattern of requiring a lot of external emotional regulation through other people. Nunnally is the most obvious example of this (obviously) - whenever something goes slightly wrong, he usually defaults to screaming about her, and becomes absolutely devastated whenever she’s unsafe. If Lelouch functions as her buffer, I’d say she’s her crutch. He heavily leans on her for justification and a purpose in life. But, these maladaptive ways of leaning on people also occurs with other characters, such as in the scene with Kallen in the warehouse where he’s about to inject himself with refrain. Kallen takes the needle from him and throws it on the ground, and he reacts by walking towards her asking her to console him - saying “there are things a woman can do for that, right?”. Kallen promptly (rightfully) slaps him, and he seems to regain his senses.

The most frequently repressed scene by all Lelouch fans.

In summary, I’d argue Lelouch is the complete opposite of an unemotional or uncaring character. He often seems to struggle with controlling his (plethora of) emotions in healthy ways, and copes with them either through completely shutting things out, having frequent breakdowns, lashing out on others, or using people as emotional crutches. He’s also very centered around other people, but tends to express it in less-than-appropriate ways, and goes on about things in an almost childish way, at times. This, I think, is indicative of his insecure attachment and lack of sensitive caregivers. In contrast to Nunnally, who had him, he didn’t have anyone to provide safety and externally regulate his emotions, meaning he was never able to internalise such strategies. Thus, there is a pattern of unhealthy (lack of) regulation of emotional states, leading to these stark contrasts between high and low points, and the quite bad ways he deals with them. Years of stress, repressed restlessness and unhealthy coping mechanisms for trauma certainly didn’t help either. Put simply - he’s a bit emotionally immature, and this is a significant aspect of his character.

VII. Reflektor: Identity and Projection

One of the most prevalent motifs in Lelouch’s arc, save for the chess symbolism, is the theme of masks and a fragmented identity. Throughout the series, he uses different identities to fill different roles in his life: Lelouch vi Britannia the prince, Lelouch Lamperouge the student, Zero the terrorist/freedom fighter and eventually Lelouch vi Britannia again, the tyrannical 99th Emperor of the Holy Britannian Empire. This switch is the most obvious display of the fragmented identity theme, as he is quite literally changing his name and masquerading as different people. With his Zero persona he even puts on a literal mask to conceal his face, but he also uses subtler, figurative masks for his other personas in order to achieve various goals. Additionally, there are also subtler role shifts at play within these identities: Lelouch Lamperouge exists as Nunnally’s caregiver, a student council member, Suzaku’s childhood friend, etc. (as with all people, fictional or not).

It is here his main ideological conflict with his parents arises. Charles and Marianne wants, through their Ragnarök plan, to abolish all “masks” and fuse mankind into one collective unconscious. Their reasoning is that if everyone were honest and there were no separation between people, the world would be a better place. Lelouch, however, finds the concept of identity masks useful and even defines himself by them. This is clearly shaped by his own experience - in order to survive in Area 11 and protect his sister, he had to change his name and lie. In order to gain real power and influence to overthrow Britannia, he had to change his name and lie. This modus operandi goes straight to the heart of his identity, because it is the reason he is able to exert his will over the world in any meaningful way - which, as we discussed earlier, is the reason he is “not dead any longer”. His core idea is that those who are privileged enough to be able to tell the truth about themselves, have no right to deny others the right to lie for their own survival or to achieve their goals.

Carl Jung arguably had a much more significant impact on anime than he did psychology. Actually, this isn’t even arguable.

Another, subtler way the series conveys the theme of fractured identity is Lelouch’s projection of desires and wishes onto others. This is shown quite literally through how the Geass gives him the power to command anyone to do anything. But not only does he impose his will onto others through verbal command, he also projects his more abstract goals and desires into the people in his life. Again, Nunnally is the most obvious example of this: Everything he does, he claims is for the sake of Nunnally. It’s interesting he never outright says that he wanted to do any of this for any personal reason - it’s all about a kinder world for Nunnally, Nunnally’s smile, and how their parents abandoned them. In the final confrontation with Charles and Marianne, Suzaku asks him if he used Nunnally as an excuse to justify his actions. Lelouch confirms this, and then says he fought to protect everything he wanted to protect. Still, he never mentions he feels rejected, or that he would want to grow older in a kinder world, even though it’s obviously more his own wish than hers (as Nunnally mentions during Zero Requiem, she would have been happy just being with her brother). In a way, he considers himself two steps removed from his desires - only working against Britannia on the basis of what he imagines the people in his life would want him to do.

Lelouch also has a tendency to view his own identity(-ies) through abstract symbols, rather than as a concrete human being with a backstory, grudges and motivations. In exile he expresses frustration at being a pawn of Britannia, as Zero he functions as a faceless symbol of Japanese liberation and a rebellion against the establishment, and as Emperor he aims to become a symbol of people’s hatred towards their oppressors. Even the orchestration of his life’s ending is primarily a symbolic act to him; with the world’s hatred focused on a tyrannical Emperor, the world can be peaceful when that symbol disappears. Lelouch seems very aware of this himself: that he is past the point of no return, and destined to become someone who will bear the burden of sacrificing his own identity, morals and character to play a part. He, in a way, seems more comfortable in this realm of abstraction - in being more of a symbol. However, if we try to strip away his rather grand narrative for a second, we’re left with a person committing suicide at 19 because he thinks the world will be a better place for it.

Black king captures e1, checkmate.

VIII. Pity the Child: Politics and Spite

Lastly, I want to make the argument that the parental abandonment Lelouch and Nunnally experienced, and the subsequent cascade of issues is the most important aspect of the series. Even more so than the central ideological conflict of working against versus within systems of oppression. As I’ve already touched on a fair bit, I think Lelouch’s circumstances growing up and the experiences arising from that was the very foundation for his later ideology and hatred for Britannia, rather than his ideology in and of itself being the reason he hates his parents and the system they represent. This is best represented by the climax of the scene with Charles and Marianne in C’s world, where Lelouch speaks not of systems of power, racism, oppression, politics, etc. - he speaks of abandonment and hurt.

In my opinion, there’s reason to question whether he would have gone to the same lengths to destroy Britannia if he’d not been exiled from the system himself. In one of the picture dramas from his summer in Japan as a child, he lectures Suzaku on Britannian and Japanese foreign trade policy, making the argument they’re both unethical. This indicates he already knew of and disagreed with the actions of Britannia, but it’s only after he’s exiled and war is declared on Japan he begins talking about enacting revenge. Additionally, he has some truly magnificent displays of hypocrisy throughout the series that (in my unpopular (?) opinion) puts Suzaku to shame. Even the very act of him using Geass is contradictory to his fundamental belief: that opposing a well-intentioned act upon others is no different from an evil act. During their confrontation, he is very concerned with expressing this ideology to his parents, before promptly turning around and making his brother a geassed slave forever, two episodes later.

Not to completely undermine his ideological streak; I do genuinely believe he is anti-Britannia, and I do genuinely believe he values personal freedom highly. However, based on everything discussed so far, I’d argue he would perhaps not have cared as much, or at least been more open to a more Suzaku-esque approach, had he not had deep personal trauma connected to the whole situation as well. So, his main motivation isn’t to “bash the fash”, as it were, but rather bash these few specific fash who traumatised him and his sister before shipping them off to a foreign country they then immediately declared war on. Revenge, spite, and pure, childish anger towards a family that wronged him is a much more useful lens through which to view the series, rather than an ideological conflict per se.

IX. The Conclusion Bit, Finally

To summarise this entirely too long essay, Lelouch and Nunnally both suffered from insecure attachment and later trauma and parental abandonment. Nunnally’s main protective factor/buffer for this trauma was Lelouch, which gets her “back on track” towards becoming an emotionally stable and independent girl. Her brother, however, doesn’t have anyone to fill this role, and this cascades into dysfunctional behaviour and strategies across different domains: his trust issues as a child, obsession with revenge, immature emotionality, poor handling of stress, projecting onto others, and a fragmented concept of his own identity. Lastly, I think these personal issues constitute the crux of his motivation throughout the series - Lelouch’s arc is about trauma, parental neglect and spite more than it ever was about politics.

#code geass #lelouch vi britannia #lelouch lamperouge #nunnally vi britannia #@ everyone who's ever wanted to read a Long essay on code geass and developmental psychology: you're welcome #I hope some of it is understandable or even interesting #my essays #.........that's a VERY optimistic tag but I feel like I have to tag it with Something #analysis

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trb-reacts · 7 years ago

Text

The Raven Boys, Chapter 14

“When is Mom’s birthday?” Helen asked. Gansey was simultaneously pleased to hear her voice and annoyed to be bothered by something so trivial. For the most part, he and his sister got along well; Gansey siblings were a rare and complicated species, and they didn’t have to pretend to be something they weren’t around each other.

Umm, excuse you, Gansey. How dare you call your mom’s birthday trivial?? Also, I’m a little amused but glad to see that not all of my rich people stereotypes are coming up here. I expected all the siblings to be very cold with them *eyes at the Lynch brothers*, but that’s not the case and Gansey’s family seems pretty close with each other for most part?

(Except for the dad, of course, who threatened to remove Gansey from inheriting anything if he gets below a B)

But, yeah, I’m just glad that there’s at least some healthy sibling relationships around here.

“You’re the wedding planner,” Gansey said as a dog ripped out of nowhere. It barked furiously, trying to bite the Camaro’s tires.

Lol, I don’t know why with the way this is written, I’m beginning to think that Gansey’s car tires is made of rich people leather and that’s why the dog all of sudden just raised its head, went idk STEAK! and just ripped outta nowhere towards Gansey’s car tires. Also I’m amused because I just recall Gansey’s car is named the Pig, I think, which… makes sense why the dog is going after it?

Helen did not need to be anything. She didn’t have careers, she had hobbies that involved other people’s lives.

Oh, now that definitely sounds more like a rich person thing. She didn’t have careers, she had a fortune of old money to live off of. Oh wait, that’s not what it said? I think that’s just my bitterness towards these rich families coming out. Gee, how does Adam ever stand them?

Also, She didn’t have careers, she had hobbies that involved other people’s live, sounds like such a bored married housewife would nothing to do thing, like, uh, I have nothing to do ever since I don’t work, so let’s just gossip and try to backseat drive your life.

In all honesty, I like Helen so far. The first thing she really called about is to ask about her mother’s birthday, which while shows that she does not remember, she at least cares?? And Gansey likes her, which is a nice vote of confidence in my book *just eyes at Ronan, my nonsecret fav in the book, and Adam, the sweetheart*. Yeah, so I don’t know why I’m kinda lowkey roasting her. I think I just don’t like too many hints of Old Money and Rich People, since I’m poor.

A lab mix tied in front of the first house bayed dolorously as he passed. The other dog continued to worry at his tires, a snarl ascending with the engine note.

Why does it seem like there’s so many dogs in this neighborhood, though I do very much love dogs.

Three kids in sleeveless shirts stood in one of the yards shooting milk jugs with BB guns; they shouted Hey, Hollywood! and affably aimed guns at the Pig’s tires. They pretended to hold phones by their ears. Gansey felt a peculiar stab at the three of them, their camaraderie, their belonging, products of their surroundings. He wasn’t sure if it was pity or envy. Everywhere was dust.

Oh, there was something about this scene. Three again, after the reading with Blue and Whelk last time, three kids. Gansey felt a peculiar stab at the three of them, their camaraderie, their belonging, products of their surroundings. Like, it sounds very much like envy, except Gansey does have kinda these things among the raven boys. The only issue is that, well, life is never as simple for Gansey or the raven boys as it could be for these three random kids, since life is always complicated when old money and a circle of influential family is involved.

Also, just the ending of this paragraph. Everywhere was dust. Gansey couldn’t see clearly, just which one is which, envy and pity swirling together? Or was it a matter of showing how low these kids are compared to Gansey and his background, little specks that means nothing in the end, even if they have more - their camaraderie, their belonging, products of their surroundings - than Gansey thinks he can ever have.

“I’m going to see a friend.” “The mean one, or the white trash one?” “Helen.” She replied, “Sorry. I meant Captain Frigid or Trailer-Park Boy.”

I would say that I’m not sure if I should be amused or offended, but that would be a lie. I’m offended. Is this prejudice against people who’s not born into the same rich background as them? I’m very happy that my mind knew what was up and was roasting her even before this line came up.

Also, I think it’s kinda obvious by now, but Noah really isn’t actually part of the group. People refer to the boys as Gansey&Ronan&Adam. Noah is making very few appearances.

“Dad calls them worse things,” Helen said.

I’m sorry, darling, but that’s really no excuse. You can think for yourself, can’t you, instead of pointing fingers and saying, Well, as least I’m not as mean as him!

Somehow seeing his parents always reminded him of how little he’d accomplished, how similar he and Helen were, how many red ties he owned, how he was slowly growing up to be everything Ronan was afraid of becoming.

Oh, intriguing. How little he has accomplished. Low self-esteem or just the idea that his value depends on how much he has accomplished, though I understand that in this case, it probably came from his upbringing. How much red ties, I’m not sure what that means. I think I’m mostly intrigued by how he was slowly growing up to be everything Ronan was afraid of becoming, mostly because I’m wondering if Gansey is also afraid of becoming that rich white guy as well. And just, also, the idea that Ronan is afraid instead of hate, as though Ronan thinks his potential to be what he doesn’t want to be is very much there to turn potential to reality.

Fat, shiny carpenter bees swooped at his head, distracted from their work of destroying the stairs.

Bees… destroys stairs????

The idea that you had to pay for the beauty in Henrietta should have occurred to him before then, but it hadn’t. No matter how many times Adam told him he was foolish about money, he couldn’t seem to get any wiser about it.

Oh, Gansey, everything is paid in money, but you use it as easily as breathing. For some people, money is paid in breaths, in time, in huffs of breaths of toil and hours worked to accumulate for so little.

There is no spring here, Gansey realized, and the thought was unexpectedly grim.

This is a profound line, but I’m mostly thinking about how it’s April and still it feels like fucking winter. No spring indeed for me, this year. Metaphorically applies too, since this year sucks for me so far.

Adam’s knees bent as if he were going to scoot himself out from under the car, but then he didn’t.

Gansey knew what this meant, this failure to immediately come out from beneath the car, and anger and guilt drew his chest tight. The most frustrating thing about the Adam situation was that Gansey couldn’t control it. Not a single piece of it.

Oh, Adam. I don’t know if I want Adam to not come out because he doesn’t want Gansey to see that he is beat up for being caught after trying to sneak out, or because Adam is angry at Gansey. The former because Adam being so considerate just breaks my heart and the latter because I think Adam is the type to, in a very non-hyperbolic way, kill himself trying to help those he care about and I really want Adam to be able to… not exactly stand up for himself because Gansey doesn’t really bully Adam so much as ask him for stuff despite knowing it would be difficult for Adam, but at least be able to say no and be able to put himself before others on some occasions.

A bruise spread over his cheekbone, red and swelling as a galaxy. A darker one snaked over the bridge of his nose.

</3 oh, Adam.

“And what about when Glendower takes you away from Henrietta?” Gansey couldn’t say it wouldn’t happen. “You come with.”

Oh, and Adam says his faith in Gansey’s dream is incomplete. When he says, though I supposed it is incomplete, at least in Gansey. Adam didn’t think Gansey would take him with him.

Rags to riches isn’t a story anyone wants to hear until after it’s done.

Too true, too heartbreaking. Everyone wants to hear a ‘I preserve, worked hard and I succeeded, it paid off’. Who wants to hear a ‘and I’m still trying, with no success in sight’?

But it was a story that was hard to finish when Adam had missed school yet again. There was no happy ending without passing grades.

Don’t be so real, guys. Reality is setting in and this is not what I signed up for when I started reading this book.

And this was an uneasy place to be, because Gansey knew it took a lot for Adam to accept his reasons for chasing Glendower. Adam had plenty of reasons to be indifferent about Gansey’s nebulous anxiety, his questioning of why the universe had chosen him to be born to affluent parents, wondering if there was some greater purpose that he was alive.

The poor are sad they’re poor, Adam had once mused, and turns out the rich are sad they’re rich.

Sigh, the grass is always greener on the other side and I can imagine how much it sucks for Adam to see everything he ever wanted be in every other person’s hand, not because they earned it but because they were born with it. They have everything Adam ever wanted and still, they want more.

And Ronan had said, Hey, I’m rich, and it doesn’t bother me.

Except ‘growing up to be everything Ronan was afraid of becoming’, yeah, being rich doesn’t bother Ronan.

Success meant nothing to Adam if he hadn’t done it for himself.

I’m so proud of my son rn but also like, goddamnit Adam, let them help you a little. You don’t have to use connections for everything, but use the connection to get an opportunity to prove yourself, would you?

“You’ve watched too many cop shows.” “I’ve watched the evening news, Adam,”

Nice comeback, Gansey, mostly because i agree with him. This is one sad reality.

“Why don’t you let Ronan teach you to fight? He’s offered twice now. He means it.”

I did not expect to hear this, but now I’m just so happy and proud. Ronan, wanting Adam to be able to defend himself, and offers to teach him. Ronan, offering twice. I’m so happy.

“Because then he will kill me.” “I don’t follow.” Adam said, “He has a gun.”

Well, there goes my happiness out the door. Adam’s father sucks the life and happiness outta me and we haven’t actually even met him yet. Jesus.

Not at the double-wides in the foreground, but past them, to the flat, endless field with its tufts of dry grass. So many things survived here without really living.

But… can I say ‘but they survive.’ Not living, but still, they survive. And if they survive long enough, they can transfer to a better environment where they can thrive.

“It means I never get to be my own person. If I let you cover for me, then I’m yours. I’m his now, and then I’ll be yours.”

Yes and no. Yes, because I can see where Adam is coming, I really can, but… there’s a difference between receiving some help and owing someone so much that you owe them everything. But at the same time, I don’t think it’s ever about the degree of help Gansey exert, more like the more helpful the help was to Adam, the more Adam feels like he will owe, even if Gansey’s help might really involve an effortless phone call that would get Adam an interview for a job.

Some days, all that grounded him was the knowledge that his and Adam’s friendship existed in a place that money couldn’t influence.

Gansey, I don’t think you could ever say this so long as you and Adam’s social and monetary status is so different. You can probably say this about you and Ronan, but you’re naive if you thought so between you and Adam.

“You don’t know how it makes people look at me and at you. It’s all they need to know about us. They’ll think I’m your monkey.“

Ouch. Just.. ouch.

I am only my money. It is all anyone sees, even Adam.

You’re not only your money, Gansey, but that is a huge part of you. Adam is admittedly bothered by the glaring money part of you that stares him in the face all the time.

“You’re as bad as her. You think you deserve it.”

Who’s her? Adam’s mom?

“Don’t pretend you know,” he said. “Don’t come here and pretend you know anything.” Gansey told himself to walk away. To say nothing else. Then he said, “Don’t pretend you have anything to be proud of, then.”

Oh Gansey, have you ever thought that it is exactly because Adam has nothing to be proud of that he clings onto his pride, the fact that everything he has is because he earned it, because there is nothing else. He is building from bottom up, and it is true, people only want to hear stories of rag to riches. Would you have said the same, would you have been able to say those words, Gansey, if Adam already became rich?

As soon as he said it, he knew that it wasn’t fair, or even if it had been fair, it wasn’t right. But he wasn’t sorry he’d said it.

I would like to condemn Gansey, but… he is just awfully human, contradictory and acting on emotions and all. I can’t blame him, even if he shouldn’t have said it. The rich have their rich problem, the poor has theirs.

He imagined coming here one day and finding that Adam wasn’t here, but in the hospital, or worse, that Adam was here, but that something important had been beaten out of him.

His pride or his life, Gansey, because I think you just tried to beat Adam’s pride out of him to save his life. And I’m not sure if that was for the better.

… okay, I guess I’m not that forgiving towards Gansey. I can relate to Adam better, from one poor person to the other.

Gansey could see his irises moving underneath the thin skin of his eyelids, a dreamer awake.

a dreamer awake, it said. Oh, this is so heartbreaking. Just… an optimist that had life lessons beaten into it one time too many for him to not turn into a realistic. And real life is that it is hard, it sucks, it’s not fair and not everyone would get what they deserve, even if they try.

Now Adam looked at Gansey. There was something fierce and chilling in his eyes, an unnamable something that Gansey was always afraid would eventually take over completely. This, he knew, was a compromise, a risky gift that he could choose to reject.

In which Gansey asks for too much and when he learned to stop asking because he realize it costs Adam too much, Adam offers because… he’s Adam and Gansey is his friend.

Adam’s breath stopped audibly. Through the windshield, Gansey met the eyes of Adam’s father.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckafkaslfdjgfkldfj. The price is high, so high. Adam, I know you said you need to return by 10, but please don’t. Please. Move in with Gansey, Ronan and Noah, finish up your college degree, get a good job, be successful, be happy. Don’t go back.

Aaaand, we’ve come to the end of this chapter. What can I say besides too much had happened and emotions and risks run high. Next stop, back to Blue.

#the raven boys #the raven cycle #chapter 14 #trb #trc

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lalast0ne · 4 years ago

Text

A Blacksoul Tale

A story written by Layla & Wilder

On a snowy night, the train left the station.....destination Canada. The steady rock and roll motion on the tracks had the passengers fast asleep through the night. The conductor dozed, waking to a sea of fog and the realization he was off course, on another set of tracks heading straight into the middle of nowhere.

At the far back of the train, in the very last car, a couple in distress were currently non the wiser that the train was off course. Sleep eludes them; the man paces within the confines of the narrow aisle while the woman concentrates on her breathing, panting as she’d been taught. Her water had broken a little over an hour ago but they currently can’t go anywhere. The train was holding them hostage, unknowingly.

Each mile passed by at a painstakingly slow speed. Each rock on the tracks had her rolling in pain. She looked out the window and did a double take, panic taking hold on her as her surroundings finally registered. She’d made this trip enough times to know that the train was not on its usual route.....that this train was not going to Canada.

Feeling helpless and unable to stand seeing his wife in so much pain, the husband steps away to find help of any kind. Making his way through the cars, he passes two or maybe three people, who somehow manage to remain asleep, with the sole goal of making his way to the conductor. He needed the train to stop and he needed help; they needed help.

One way or another his wife needed to get off this train because, three weeks ahead of schedule, the baby was coming. He growled as he heard her screams of pain and looked back over his shoulder to see her rise from her seat and begin pacing the aisle that he himself had been walking only moments ago.

At 21 years of age, this was not how Margot Carson envisioned she’d welcome her first, and definitely only, child into the world. The notion of a quick and painless birth were well and truly out of the window. Her fingers turned white as she held onto the head rest of the seats either side of her for support, she gritted her teeth and groaned as another intense pain gripped her stomach. No one had warned her that the pain would be this unbearable and in this moment she couldn’t imagine why any woman would do this more than once.

Taking a deep breath she peeled her eyes opened and watched as her husband approached; no conductor in tow and no miracle doctor traipsing behind him who’d be able to help. His shoulders were up around his ears and panic written all over his face. He had no clue how to help her, why should he? He’d never experienced this before either, but he’s continued asking her what he could do to help was becoming frustrating.

He reached her with an apologetic look, unable to offer any words of comfort or reassurance that help was on the way. Help wasn’t coming. Instead he brushed her hair from her face and cupped her cheek affectionately. They’d get thru this together, like any team of husband and wife should. Taking her hand as another contraction began to build, he rubbed the base of her back whispering words of encouragement and love.

The train began to pick up speed once more, which surely was a good thing, the thick cloud of fog giving way to snow. It wasn’t uncommon this time of year for snow to be falling, it was winter after all.

Margot looked out the carriage window then turned to smile at her husband. A moments peace settled between them. She’d always loved the snow and how beautiful it had the ability to make the ugliest landscape look ... and just as she was about to remind Dwayne of that, chaos ensued.

The howling screech of the brakes along the snowy rails broke the calm that had momentarily descended between the young married couple. Their worlds were turned on their sides, quite literally, along with the train, finally bringing their journey to a stop. Safety now came in surviving outside the confines of the car. In the snow. On this winter night.

Dwayne scrambled to help Margot, the blood dripping down the side of his face from the gash above his eyebrow. Margot in even more pain and not just from the baby, began to crawl towards her husband, crying out every time she put pressure on her right knee. Once reconnected, both began to crawl towards the freezing air to freedom. Unconcerned with anyone other than themselves right now and their baby.

The cold air entered their lungs and froze Dwight and Margot bone deep. Adrenaline couldn’t even stop their bodies from shaking. No one else exited the train. They were alone.....two soon to become three. The snow their blanket. Cold the enemy. Water moved beside them, slow like molasses. Almost frozen.

Margot’s contractions were rolling fast. Heart rates escalating. In the distance, the sky was coming to life. Black standing back as shades of yellow and pink took center stage. The realization they were in the middle of nowhere hit as hard as the train crashed. Fast and without warning.

Like a storm passing overhead, winds picked up, snow blurring their vision. Margot gripping Dwight, her lifeline in this battle. Metal gleams in the air, a slice through the air. Again and again. The bleak color of winter, glows red like Christmas.

The only noise that breaks free is a babies cry. A baby born, a new life beginning as two were cut short. Life flowing through the babies heart. Alone on the rivers edge.

She turns the pages of the photo album, her fingers tracing the faces of those people in the pictures that are protected by the clear plastic. Her family. Not her blood family; she’d never met those, but the family who had taken her into their home when she was a baby, who’d raised her like their other children and who loved her like she was one of their own.

As the years had passed, her sisters and brothers had moved away. Each one creating their own families, while she remained in the family home. Her adoptive parents had long since passed away and without them there, visits from her siblings became few and far between until they’d become non existent.

The end of the year always had her looking at pictures, reminiscing and reflecting on her life; life back then when she’d been young and life now. Reflecting on how much had changed in her lifetime .. how much the town had changed in her lifetime.

The what if’s dance around in her head until she turns the page and comes face to face with her biggest regret. Even though the picture is close to 50 years old, he still has the ability to cause the butterflies in her stomach to take flight. The love of her life who she let walk away. All because she was too stubborn to leave the only place she’d ever known. She’d had ambitions and dreams, all of which revolved around this town. He’d had bigger dreams that had taken him to the city. He’d asked her repeatedly, actually begged her, to go with him. To marry her, to start the family they’d talked about so often, but she couldn’t do it and he’d gone anyway. He’d written to her a few times, given his address and asked her to visit. Only when the letters had dried up did she made the decision to go. She’d packed an overnight back, pocketed her savings and went to him, to her love, to see what all the fuss of the big city was about, to maybe even see if she could life there.

The journey had been quicker than she expected. The hustle and bustle had been unlike anything she’d ever experienced and after asking a few people for directions she found her destination. She’d waited in the coffee shop across from his apartment, waiting for him to come home so she could surprise him. Watching all the glamorous city woman tottering down the street in their high heels had passed the time and suddenly she wanted to be those women. She wanted to be a part of this life. Of his life. As her thoughts turned to him, as if by magic, he appeared. Stood on the bottom step of his given address, a huge smile on his face. She quickly began to gather her belongings then stopped as he waved at someone. Turning he head in the direction he waved she saw some waving back. Someone glamorous, in a pristine white skirt suit who threw her arms around him excitedly. Frozen to the spot, she could only watch as her one and only disappeared inside with his new love.

She closed the album and her eyes all at once, a tear sliding down her cheek. Her heart had shattered that day in to a thousand pieces and she’d never let anyone close enough to put the pieces back together.

Solitude. Loss. Heartbreak.

Happiness. Love. Laughter.

A town that fell in love with her equally as she fell in love with it. Through her eyes, she had seen changes and things that remained the same. The town falling and thriving. There was no shuffling through this town. You either stayed or left. It infiltrated your soul as it did hers. She may walk the streets alone but she knew its secrets. She’d seen the town change hands through her life, from grandfather to father, then finally a changing of the guard occurred several years ago, to son. A man in black walked her same streets, learning the secrets she alone held. Two old souls, lives years apart but one goal between them.....BlackSoul.

No sides were ever taken, just a mutual understanding silently formed. She knew his secrets just like he knew hers. He knew she was the mistress of the town. Adopted as a baby and brought in as one of their own. Hidden in plain view.

The dark of night had Delores up and pacing her living room. Something was wrong and she felt it all the way to her bones. Her thoughts pulled her to leave the safety of her house. To once again walk the familiar streets. But this time, she veered left. Away from her streets.

Winter had not be cruel and shown her wrath yet. The river calm and tranquil as the dark faded into evil shades of red. A warning sign.

Delores turned her back to the town she called home. Arms stretched out, summoning the unknown. A familiar blade slices the air. Only one cry breaks the silence. Red coating his hand.

77 years passed from birth to death. A circle closed along the banks of the river, her life ending. Emerging from the shadows, I check for her pulse and slide the blade into my boot. Leaving the river and woods to cover my tracks and death. A mistresses lost breath extinguished.

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