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justalitlecreacher · 4 years ago

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Ok as much as I hate the events of the Rako Hardeen arc in Clone Wars and deeply wish that the council/Obi-Wan had at the very least told Anakin and Ahsoka what they were planning, I feel like the arc represents a very important turning point in Anakin’s fall and actually shows an important bit of character growth from Attack of the Clones.

Tl;Dr: The Rako Hardeen arc is my favorite and least favorite arc in all of Clone Wars because while it puts Anakin through unnecessary pain it also gives a lot of insight into why he may have fallen in Revenge of the Sith and shows some important character growth

Ok; the most important part of this post/analysis (I think) is to remember how close Anakin and Obi-Wan are. Anakin was placed in Obi-Wan’s care at the age of 9 and from then on Obi-Wan practically raised him. In Attack of the Clones we see Anakin refer to Obi-Wan as the closest thing he has to a father not once, but twice, and one of those two times was directly to Obi-Wan.”OBI-WAN: Why do I think you are going to be the death of me?! ANAKIN: Don't say that Master... You're the closest thing I have to a father... I love you. I don't want to cause you pain.”(Attack of the Clones) and later to Padmé “...He's [Obi-Wan] like my father,...”. This is especially important because when Anakin leaves his mother to become a Jedi in The Phantom Menace, Obi-Wan is literally the only friendly/familiar face in the Temple. Plus in the comics (disclaimer: I have not read all the comics just bits and pieces) we get a glimpse of Anakin training with the other padawans and it’s made clear that at least some of them don’t like Anakin at all. One padawan even refers to him as “just a slave” when shit talking him during training.(which like super fucked up; they def should’ve gotten in trouble cause that don’t seem very Jedi of them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

Anyway; we’ve established Anakin and Obi-Wan’s bond. So let’s turn our attention towards someone who deserved so much better; Shmi Skywalker. Her death in Attack of the Clones was the first major turning point in Anakin’s fall to the Dark Side. There is really no excuse for Anakin’s actions after Shmi’s death; he goes to a very dark place, and likely taps into the dark side of the force during the massacre of the Tusken Raiders. But that’s not what we’re talking about rn so back on track.

I bring Shmi’s death up to say that while Anakin was tracking down Obi-Wan’s “murderer” I didn’t fully realize that Obi-Wan had disguised himself as Hardeen and I was genuinely worried that Anakin was about to unalive an innocent man. I really believe that the only thing that stopped Anakin from trying (and maybe succeeding) to kill Obi/Rako was like he said: he knew that Obi-Wan wouldn’t have wanted him to. This is important because the last time Anakin lost a family member he brutally murdered an entire village of Tusken Raiders, children included, and I think it’s safe to say that Shmi “the biggest problem in the universe is nobody helps each other” Skywalker would not have wanted that. I’ve finally arrived at one of my main points; this arc shows a crucial bit of character growth by showing an Anakin that is capable of thinking his actions through and not just reacting out of anger even after the loss of one of the most important people in his life; something he was previously shown incapable of when his anger and grief blind him. This turns this arc into an sort of midway point on Anakin’s fall; he’s clearly tempted to give into his anger and pain again, but he is able to resist this time. A younger Anakin may have killed “Hardeen” then and there.

This scene really contrasts with Anakin’s actions in Revenge of the Sith in a way im not sure how i feel about yet. On one hand it has potential to make Anakin’s actions in Revenge of the Sith feel too out of character. We just saw Anakin able to see past his own emotions in the wake of the death of a loved one so what makes this different? On the other hand this arc can be used to show just how desperate Anakin is to not have to feel that way ever again. It’s also good for showing how much influence Palpatine has had on Anakin in the space between this arc and Revenge of the Sith. As for why Anakin may be unable to think past his own feelings in Revenge of the Sith when he appeared perfectly capable in the arc, a likely reason is that there really wasn't anything Anakin thought he could do for Obi-Wan anymore because he believed him to be dead, but with Padmé, Anakin knew she could be saved if he could just get her the proper care. But his fear of being exiled from the Jedi Order, and his increasing lack of faith in the council led him to believe that he had no choice other than to trust in Palpatine. And no hate to Yoda but im sure when Anakin did try to reach out (even as vaguely as he did) Yoda’s response of “Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.” didn't appear to be very helpful (especially considering that he is well aware that listening to Ahsoka’s visions and responding appropriately saved Padmé’s life (not sure if Anakin knows about that though)). These three episodes show pretty well how/why Anakin may have felt that he had nowhere to turn but Palpatine.

These groups of episodes actually show negative character growth (is that the right term?) in Anakin. He goes from commiting mass murder rated E for everyone to understanding that his loved ones would not want him to seek revenge in this way, but then he backslides into this lightsaber is rated E for everyone by Revenge of the Sith. Logically he should know that Padmé would never have wanted him to do what he did; he has to know what he’s doing is wrong, but he’s incapable of seeing another way out because he cannot handle even the thought of losing Padmé. He’s too desperate to not lose her, and so sure that there’s no other option that he manages to convince himself that he needs to do this for her. I find this entire arc really interesting but unless i want to be here all day the most i can do here is point out that it exists and that it peaks in the Rako Hardeen arc. Surprisingly i do have a life outside of writing long posts, and i lack the time and energy to analyze all of Clone Wars and write about every event that led to Darth Vader (there are so many). On top of that i actually haven’t seen all of Clone Wars; just the episodes most important to understanding Anakin’s fall.

Onto my next point, we just talked about the growth Anakin showed in this episode; now onto why i believe that this arc was instrumental in Anakin’s fall. (Disclaimer: I do not think that removing this arc alone could have saved Anakin, but i do believe it would have helped a good bit). I’ve already touched on Anakin and Obi-Wan’s bond so im not gonna do that again.

Ive said it before and i will say it again; it was super fucked up of Obi-Wan and everyone else on the Council to use Anakin’s (and Ahsoka’s) reactions Obi-Wan’s “death” for their own gain. It was super manipulative and they absolutely knew what they were doing. Obi-Wan even explicitly says, “Keeping Anakin on the outside was critical. Everyone knows how close we are. It was his reaction that sold the sniper. I'm sure of it.”(Deception season 2 episode 15). He knows just how devastated Anakin would be by his death, and he uses like Anakin and his mental and emotional well-being mean nothing to him (I know this isn’t true but its probably not hard to believe that someone doesn't care about your feelings when they’ve just tricked you into thinking they’ve died for their own gain). The Council really proves time and time again that they do not care about Anakin’s (or maybe anyone’s; Anakin was far from the only one close to Obi-Wan left unaware of his deception) mental or emotional wellbeing, but tbh i think this is the worst example of how callous the Council can be. And on top of all of that it was Obi-Wan who decided to keep Anakin in the dark Obi-Wan who should have known better; if we assume that Anakin is at least 20 in Clone Wars; Obi-Wan has known Anakin for at least 10 years, and has practically raised him from the age of 9, and yet somehow, somehow he had this idea and didn't see a single thing wrong with it. (And they really picked the worst possible person for this; like yea let’s trick the most unstable Jedi we have into thinking his closest friend/ father figure was murdered)

This arc’s main purpose (IMO) is to really show the beginnings of Anakin losing faith in the Jedi and putting more and more faith in Palpatine. Anakin trusted Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan betrayed that trust. Beyond that Palpatine is able to make Anakin begin to doubt how much the Council is telling him if they didnt tell him something as crucial as this. We even see Anakin parroting Palpatine’s “concerns” of the council not telling Anakin the full truth the Obi-Wan and the end of the arc. This arc is instrumental is establishing Anakin’s loss of faith in the council and shows how much he trusts Palpatine and sees him as a real friend.

Anyway I’m sure I had more I wanted to touch onand if I remember I will definitely edit this post but for the now I just wanna say. A) I love Obi-Wan a lot; this arc just really was not it. I do not understand how he thought this was in any way acceptable but I do still really like him. B) i fully understand that Anakin’s actions are his own and he does take a share of the blame for his own fall.

#what am i doing?#anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #rako hardeen #star wars #clone wars #deception arc #clone wars deception #long post #ramble #im so sorry except im not #i hesitate to use the word hyperfixation but not a day has gone by that i havent thougt of Anakin Skywalker at least once #in so long #i have a problem

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miastideclock · 4 years ago

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Yang Jeongin Drabble, “Inside Beauty.”

@jhopesdimples hello! im a new skz and bts blog and i found yours and have been reading all ur skz stuff at the moment. can i request a jeongin drabble where the reader is insecure about being older and slightly bigger than him? preferably filled with angst but a happy ending? it’s okay if not! keep writing it’s so good! 💖

Word Count: 1790 Warnings: Eating disorder, but not really??? I don’t know, but just in case it might be triggering, sorry

It had been a long day, and you were happy that you could spend the rest of the day hanging out with your boyfriend and your friends. More often than not you found yourself at the Stray Kids dorm, hanging out with the boys and having fun. That was how you ended up falling for Jeongin, and luckily- he returned the favor.

After months of begging to management, they finally lifted the dating ban for the group, making all of them go over the moon. That included you, as that meant you could go public with Jeongin, the love of your life.

You knew you weren’t perfect, but Jeongin loved you despite that, and that made you fall for him even more.

It was no secret that you were on the heavier side, and it probably didn’t help that you were also taller than him. But when you were with Jeongin, you instantly forgot all of that. Or at least until Jeongin’s leader, Chan, got a girlfriend for himself.

She was two years younger than him, about five inches shorter than him, and easing in on the skinny side. She was super nice, and never did you any harm, but she made you think.

“Would Jeongin prefer it if I was like her? Younger, shorter and all around smaller?” But everytime the thought crossed your mind, you forced it out. He loved you like you were, and nothing could change that. But still, you found yourself thinking whenever you were at the dorm.

“Come sit on my lap.” “Let me give you a piggyback ride!” “You’re so tiny and cute!”

Things you heard on a daily basis, but they were never to you. It was Chan talking to his girlfriend, Lacey. They were super cute together, you had to admit- but it got a bit frustrating at times, always comparing yourself to her.

After a while, you found yourself skipping meals, and walking the long way to work. You would suggest going for walks rather than watching movies like you always did. Jeongin didn’t notice it at first, and much like a puppy-dog was just excited to spend time with you, whether it was on the couch or going for a walk. He did however, notice when your mood had dropped over the last few weeks. At first he connected it to stress at work, and figured you would talk to him if you needed to- that much he trusted you on. But when you never spoke about it, and you never got any happier, he got concerned.

You were on a walk the first time Jeongin asked.

“Y/N, are you okay?”

It had caught you off guard as he had cut himself off to ask you. You had originally talked about his upcoming schedule, but he figured work talk could wait until later.

“Yeah, I’m good! Why’re you asking?” You lied through your teeth. You weren’t okay, but you couldn’t tell him. He wouldn’t understand. He had hundred of thousands of girl confessing their undying love for him every single day. They praised him like a god, kept telling him he was perfect just the way he was and that he should never change. He could never understand the feeling of not being good enough.

“Just wondering. Maybe my Spidey-senses are off.” He chuckled and continued to swing your hand back and forth as you walked through the park.

Another week passed before the topic came up again. You were sleeping over at the dorm as they had nothing scheduled for the next morning, however, you found yourself wide awake at two am. You had tried to force your eyes shut for the past three hours, but to no avail. You eventually gave up and made your way to the kitchen, careful not to wake up your boyfriend, who was sleeping soundly next to you.

You wanted to make yourself a cup of hot tea to maybe soothe you into sleep, but you forgot where they kept the kettle. After looking through about seventy-five percent of the cupboards, you heard footsteps creep up behind you. You turned around and met the face of a might confused and sleepy Lacey. Chan’s girlfriend.

“Hey, sorry. Did I wake you?” You asked in a whisper, her quickly shaking her head.

“Oh don’t worry! I was looking to make myself some tea. I assume that’s what you’re doing as well?” She spoke, a smile prominent on her lips.

Lacey was one of the sweetest girls you had ever met, which made the situation even more annoying- because god knows you wanted to dislike her. Dislike her for making you doubt yourself, and even worse- making you doubt Jeongin.

“Yeah, but I forgot where they keep the kettle.” You smiled sheepishly. Lacey chuckled and opened one of the cupboards you had already looked through. “I don’t know why they feel the need to hide it, like if they’re getting robbed, I hardly think this will be the first thing they’d steal.” She snickered and pulled the kettle out from the very back.

Silence overcame you as she filled it with water and plugged it into the wall. The soft sound of silence blended well with the heating water, it eventually coming to a boil.

“Would you like milk or sugar?” You asked as you prepared two cups, each with a teabag. You had silently assigned each task, as Lacey watched the kettle and you grabbed the tea.

“I actually have it with a teaspoon of honey! You have to try it, it’s so yummy.” She beamed, grabbing the honey that was sat on the counter. You nodded and let her put the honey in each of the cups before pouring in the boiling water.

After you had cleared away the equipment and the things you had used, you both grabbed your respected cups and headed to the living room, sitting down on the couch before kick-starting another conversation.

“I know we don’t know each other all that well, but maybe it even helps that we’re borderline strangers. Are you alright these days? I’m so sorry if I come off as intrusive, it’s just that the boys have talked about you acting a bit off lately, and they don’t really know how to go about it.” Lacey spoke in her soft voice, a bit of an accent shining though, but you couldn’t place it.

Her words hit you harder than you had originally anticipated, making tears burn at the brim of your eyes.

“I don’t know, Lacey.” Your voice broke and you quickly shifted your gaze from her down to your cup of steaming tea. You weren’t okay, and you knew that. You hadn’t been okay for a while. At first, you thought your insecurities had just been an inconvenience, and nothing more. But as time went by, you found it eating you up from the inside. No matter what it was, you always thought about how you looked, especially compared to Jeongin, and how you were scared to talk to him about it.

So that was exactly what you told Lacey. And before you knew it, you were crying, as was she when she confessed her own insecurities and issues. It ended up with both of you having to put down your cups on the table, because you were both crying and shaking.

“I know exactly what you’re feeling, babe. Every single day, we have to look at all of those beautiful fans and its only natural for us to compare ourselves! But I do know one thing. Jeongin loves you just as much as you love him, maybe even more. And yes those fans are beautiful- but as are you. So talk to him, maybe he’ll understand.” Lacey finally spoke after you both had controlled your breathing.

You gave her a hug, and decided it was better to do it now, despite the fact that it was almost four am. If you didn’t do it now, who knows when you’d muster up the courage to do it.

Sneaking back into his room, you closed the door carefully behind you, then made your way over to the bed. Sitting down on the edge you carefully shook his body. “Babe, Jeongin? I need to talk to you.”

He quickly stirred awake, confused and tired. “What’s going on? Y/N, are you okay?” He suddenly came to it, scared for your wellbeing.

“Actually, I’m not, and that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I know you asked me a few times last week if I was doing okay, and I lied. I haven’t been doing good for a while. It was like everything hit me all at once, and I don’t know what to say. It’s no secret I’m bigger than you, and that’s never bothered me until recently. I keep seeing all of your beautiful fans, and I keep thinking ‘wow, he has a lot of options. I wonder how long it’ll take before he find someone prettier and better than me. I feel like just a detail in your picture, you know?” You were crying again at this point, and Jeongin looked at you with all the sorrow in the world as he held your hand and listened to you.

He would never have guessed that was why you had been upset. You always carried yourself with such grace and confidence, it made him swoon.

“Y/N, baby. Why didn’t you tell me earlier? You know something like that will never happen. Sure, we have pretty fans, but they are nothing compared to you. You are my everything, and even though you are the most breathtaking person I have ever seen, it’s not that that made me fall in love with you. It’s your inside beauty. Your inside beauty shines through your whole self, making you stand out. Not like the flower-crown in a boy’s hair, or the diamonds around a woman’s neck. You are stunning, and so much more than just a detail, you are the picture. You are the view. You can easily be compared to a sunset, or the starry sky a late night, but you are so much more than that too. Both outside and inside beauty like yours is so much rarer than that. You are the northern lights people travel long and far to see. You Y/N, you are unique in the best possible way.”

You were sobbing, to say the least. Jeongin had even shed a few tears, heartbroken that his baby was hurting. He then quickly pulled you into a hug, holding you tight as you both cried, no longer sad tears, but happy ones.

You couldn’t believe how insanely lucky you were to have someone like him in your life, and that you could call him yours.

“I love you.”

I really hope you like it!

Feel free to request more!!

-bentley

#kpop #kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #kpop one shot #kpop requests #kpop drabble #stray kids #stray kids reactions #stray kids requests #stray kids scenarios #stray kids one shots #stray kids drabbles #stray kids i.n #yang jeongin #stray kids jeongin #skz #skz player

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faithfulwarrior-og · 4 years ago

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Welp. Here’s a preview of a fic I’m working on because it’s 3am and I accidentally hit publish and I’m on my phone so I can’t just select the whole thing to make a new draft and delete this soooo... lol It is not going to make full sense im literally in the middle of working on it and am stupid and hit the wrong button lol

To anyone who reads this nonsense and would like to give me feedback for when I finish it, feel free♥️

Namaari started at the aggressive knocking that sounded at her door. The party had long ended. She snatched her dagger off her desk and hastened to the door.

Her brain stuttered upon opening it. “Raya? What’s wrong?”

The warrior of Heart looked terrible, and her emotions were very unguarded. Namaari watched as she seemed relieved to see her and yet afraid. She tried not to dwell on the awkward way Raya averted her gaze upon noticing that Namaari was wearing only her bindings and cotton trousers.

“I-I just... nothing. It’s nothing.” She shook her head and turned to go. “This is stupid, I...”

Namaari had never seen her like this. “Wait. Obviously something’s wrong.”

Raya sighed pointedly. She seemed to be debating with herself. “I had a dream... it’s—” her voice cracked, “you... I hurt you, and I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Namaari blinked.

Raya, the woman whose trust had been broken by Namaari over and over again, was checking on her?

Raya sniffed and shrugged her head toward the hallway. “I’ll go now, I just... wanted to make sure.” Her confident air faltered. “It... wasn’t a good dream.”

Namaari finally forced herself to do something other than spiral about why in the world Raya would give a second thought to her wellbeing.

Maybe it was for the same reason Namaari was worried about hers.

“Wait. Raya.” Namaari scratched the back of her head. Raya’s tired gaze followed her arm’s path, before returning to Namaari’s eyes. “Do you... want to come in? I’d feel better. You just don’t look too good, dep la.”

Raya scoffed in amusement, although her signature smirk didn’t reach her eyes. “Thanks a lot, binturi.”

Namaari smiled back, but it looked more like a grimace.

Raya took a step toward her, then hesitated. Namaari followed Raya’s gaze and realized she was still holding the dagger.

Namaari shook her head. “I’m sorry. Don’t,” she tossed the knife toward the small closet to the left, “mind that.”

“What was that for exactly?” Raya’s halfhearted smirk was back.

Namaari scowled. “You can’t expect me to answer the door at this hour without a weapon. And I’m sure you have one on you, so I don’t want to hear it.”

Raya smirked again, and this time it looked like she thought of something that she actually found funny. “You’re right. But if you want it, it’s in my pants.”

Namaari rolled her eyes as Raya walked past her into the room, ignoring as always the way that look from Raya made her feel. “Besides, I thought you were going to beat the door down,” she said, shutting the door, terrified all of a sudden to be alone with the Princess of Heart. She snatched her robe from her closet and put it on; she wasn’t sure where her belt was to keep it closed but, it was something.

Raya looked as sheepish as Namaari had ever seen her. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Namaari shrugged a shoulder. “You didn’t. I was just,” she hesitated for a split second. “working.”

Raya glanced at the desk to see an old dragon legend unrolled on the desk. “You don’t have to hide that you’re a nerd. I already know.”

Namaari hated herself for blushing. “Okay, fine. I was reading dragon lore. Bite me.”

Raya was wearing that half-hearted smirk again. “Don’t have to tell me twice.”

Namaari felt a smirk of her own tug at the corner of her lips as she shook her head at Raya’s typical teasing.

“Although,” Raya added, “you are the one with the fangs.”

She leaned against the desk as she said it. Namaari saw the way her features twitched into a grimace, barely noticeable. Namaari noticed.

“If I’m being honest,” Namaari said. “I couldn’t sleep either.”

Raya nodded somberly. Namaari could see her better now that she was facing the candle alight on the desk. Sweat beads dotted her brow and a bruise on her jaw peaked out from behind her hair. She was trembling just slightly and Namaari’s chest constricted at the sight.

“You’re staring.”

Namaari looked down, clearing her throat and tucking her hair behind her ear. “Sorry, it’s just—”

A noticeable tremor rocked Raya’s frame.

Namaari stepped toward her, arms hesitantly outstretched. “Raya. What’s wrong.”

“N-nothing... I’m fine...” Raya trailed off and Namaari quickly scooped her up as her feet seemed to give out beneath her. The Fang princess carried Raya to the bed and laid her gently down, careful to support her neck.

Namaari placed the back of her hand on Raya’s forehead to feel that it was definitely warm. Warmer than it should be. Thankfully not to a concerning point.

But it was enough to set a sinking feeling in Namaari’s stomach. She wasn’t used to seeing Raya this way.

“Raya, you have a fever. I’m going to get your Ba.”

“No. No, I don’t..want to worry him.” She began to sit up. “I just need to sleep. I’ll be fine.”

Namaari’s hand on her collarbone had her frozen. She gently, but firmly, pushed her back down. “Oh no. You’re staying right here.” Namaari grimaced as she gently pushed her hair aside to reveal the nasty bruise on her left cheek.

Raya pulled away. “Quit it. I’m going back to my room.”

“Not alone you’re not. Raya, your Ba would want to know.”

“My Ba is still recovering himself,” Raya replied. “I don’t want him to worry. It isn’t as if I have never been sick before. This will pass.”

Namaari frowned. “I could get Sisudatu.”

Raya frowned. “Dragons, no. She’d freak out.”

Namaari sighed. “Then I guess I’m staying with you.”

Raya seemed to be sinking further into Namaari’s sheets as time went by, her eyelids bobbing from exhaustion. “Don’t be silly,” she murmured.

Namaari scoffed. “I’m not. I know I’m the last person you want looking after you, but if you won’t accept anyone else, I’ll have to do.”

Raya’s lips curled into her mischievous smirk. “You misunderstand, Princess. Why wouldn’t I want a strong, beautiful woman such as yourself looking after me? And in a robe, no less...” She made to coolly put her arms behind her head to complete her teasing, but winced and clutched her side instead.

Namaari shook her head and made to tend to Raya’s wound, willing herself not to tuck her hair behind her ear at Raya calling her beautiful. “You’re insufferable. What happened?”

Raya swatted her hand away as she made to expose Raya’s waist. “Excuse me! At least buy my a drink first...”

Namaari huffed. “Would you knock it off? I’m trying to help you!”

Raya sighed shakily. “I know you are. I appreciate it, really. I just—”

“That’s from me, isn’t it?” Namaari nodded toward her cheek.

Raya was silent for a moment, then nodded.

Namaari sighed deeply. “Please let me help, dep la. It’s the least I can do.”

Raya huffed a laugh, then seemed to regret it. “I don’t want your pity, Namaari. We’ve both given each other plenty of shiners over the years.”

#draft

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uwuowotf2waslife · 4 years ago

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Hey could maybe do the mercs reacting to a surprisingly strong SO like they're small but can easily carry and move around furniture? Like even accidentally moving the table they're eating at

Relatable af

Scout

★mom come pic me up im scared

★he thought you were smol and a weakling, perfect for his fragile ego& masculinity

★seeing you lifting up the 3-person couch on the common room with one arm took him by suprise

★lowkey turned on- this boy has conflicted feelings about it, one side hes afraid that you are manlier than him but at the other side something inside him likes that,like really likes that

Soldier

★yap, thats his cupcake

★ you two are the biggest american power couple since Superman & Lois

★he will insist you two train together

★you will be a force to be reckoned with, lowkey you are wife material for him. He wants a partner who can hold their own in both life as a emotional turmoil but also in the more practical and labor taxing part of it

Pyro

★ when they see you moving a level 3 sentry to the side on your own they are big concerned

★how something so smol have so much power? they are confusion

★will clap everytime they see you proving your strengh

★will be extremely concerned tho and alwyas insist at least they lend a hand even if you aren’t visibly struggling

Engie

★the first time he sees you lifting his toolbox likes its a feather he mnay or may not have a small heart attack

★he is extremely worried one day you will heart yourself - big dad insticts have been activated

★ with some time he will calm down and accept that you are something else

★might challenge you sometimes in all good fun and ask for help with his creations, congratulation Y/N you have been upgraded to his lil helper. Dont worry about payment, hell pay you in gold with love and affection every moment you guys are alone

Demo

★ first time he sees you lifting a whole crate of Engies beers with one hand he might thing he has sliped into a alcoholic stupor, again

★he needs to see you proving yourself sober in order to believe it

★oh boy, he likes that more than he should, way more than he should

★ must and will play-fight with you, since now he knows you aren’t as fragile as you look and you can handle a bit of rough play. He will never hurt you tho, and even if his drunk as a skunk he will demand he helps you.

Heavy

★he is beyond relieved

★he knows he has the strenght of a professional strongman and at he begining he was beyond scared he might one day accidentaly hurt you

★seeing you attemting and succeeding moving Natasha to the side its a weird mixture of reliefand a huge concern

★you two may or may not fight over him being overprotective , he knows you are strong but in his head he can’t accept that. He was raised and crafted to be strong as steel, he is worried and he wants to be the man of the house, but once you insist and prove to him that you aren’t this smol weak cub he sees you as, he will soften. He will insist tho to help, even ifyou are prefectly capable of.

Medic

★ he will ask you if he can experiment on you

★how can someone so smol and with so little visible muscle mass be so stronk?

★bravo, you are promotedto his official helper/nurse

★he will smooch you from time to time as a “good job” or “dankenshone liebling”

“Aw thanks liebling for lifting up the box with the new and improved babboon hearts *smooch*”

‘E! Doc Im dying here! like litteraly my leg is hanged by the bone”

“RUHE SWEINHUND”

SniperViperPiper

★ his masculinity is threatened- growing up in the testorone chernobyl of Australia he needs to be the stronger one in the relationship

★will try to help you, ends up pulling some muscle on his arm or his back

★ will act like a hurt child, please massage this poor man and let him melt in the safe haven on his van

★he is begging you to act a bit weaker, for the sake of his masculinity but ngl, this man will swoon like a schoolgirl if you pick him up and swirl him around (in his van or his sniper nest)

Spy

★ this monsier isnt that suprised, being a spy so many years has seen pretty much every hidden talent a person may have

★deep in his gut he is at ease with that knowledge , his work takes the majorityof his time and he wants to be sure you can protect yourself if trouble knocks on your door when he isnt there to protect you

★he won’t insist to help you around but will take no nos if he sees you clearly struggling with something, he is a weakling but he cares and he might get hurt and whine, but he needs to make it known and clear to you he cares about your wellbeing

★being the smug flirt he is, he might propose you use your strenght in the bedroom *wink intensifies*

#tf2 self insert #tf2 fandom #tf2 spy #tf2 solly #tf2 heavy #tf2 engineer #tf2 demo #tf2 scout #tf2 pyro #tf2 sniper #tf2 medic #so #all #smol yet powerful #relationships dynamic #tf2 headcanons #tf2 imagines

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set-phasers-to-whump · 4 years ago

Text

insomnia

prompt: insomnia

whumpee: eddie diaz

fandom: 911

hi!!! i hope that u like this fic :) it’s set after eddie begins and deals a little w the events of that. (also if u look for this on ao3 it has a different title but im gonna keep everything on here titled with the prompt for consistency lol)

In the wake of it, Eddie hasn’t been able to sleep. He’s tried and tried, but the second he falls asleep he’s back underground choking on mud and fighting for his life and that on its own is more exhausting than simply not sleeping, so he doesn’t. He doesn’t sleep if he can help it, and he feels like shit because of it, but it’s better than the nightmares, it’s better than dying every night.

He hasn’t slept more than an hour in days. Weeks, maybe. He’s been doing his best to appear normal, but it’s exhausting. He’s tried to hide it in front of Chris, especially, not wanting him to worry about it, but he can tell the façade is slipping. He catches Chris looking quizzically at him when he jerks himself awake from half-falling asleep on the couch, when he sits and watches Chris and Buck play in the park rather than joining in. He’s slipping.

Pretty soon Buck is going to start noticing it, too, with as much time as they spend together. Then the team will notice. He imagines there will be an uncomfortable combination of irritation and pity thrown his way when it happens. So he does his best to avoid it, acting as normal as he possibly can.

Today, it’s harder. He’d dropped Chris off at school and had nearly gotten into an accident on the way to work - he’d yawned, closing his eyes, and had almost slammed into the back of the truck in front of him. So he wasn’t in the best mood to begin with.

Then, everyone at the station was getting on his nerves. He knew they weren’t doing it on purpose, but every spoon dropped in the kitchen, every shout of laughter from people playing videogames, every squeak of a shoe on the floor, made him feel like punching something. But he was too tired to work out, so he kept the irritation inside of him.

“Hey, Eds, you want a turn?” Buck calls to him from across the room. He’s sitting in front of the TV with Chim, who is doing a victory dance as the screen proclaims him the winner. “Fair warning, Chim cheats.”

“I do not!”

He shakes his head.

Evidently, Buck doesn’t see. “Eddie? You wanna play?”

“I said no,” he snaps, wincing when Buck’s face falls. He might go over to apologize, but just then the alarm rings, far too loudly for his liking.

He trudges down the stairs, too tired to completely pick up his feet, and slumps into his seat in the truck. He catches Buck giving him a look from his spot in the driver’s seat, but then he turns around to pull the truck out of the station, leaving Eddie to stare out the window and ignore everything else going on around him.

When they arrive at the scene, Eddie’s the last out of the truck. As the team makes its way towards their victim (a man with his entire arm stuck inside a vending machine), Buck bumps Eddie’s shoulder in a way Eddie knows is meant to be friendly. He flinches away anyway.

“What’s up?” he asks, and he sounds so genuinely concerned for Eddie’s wellbeing that Eddie half wants to punch him. “You’re acting weird.”

He shrugs, stepping away from Buck, kneeling down next to the victim. “Didn’t sleep well last night,” he says, which isn’t exactly a lie.

They manage to get the guy out after a few minutes of careful maneuvering, and he emerges relatively unscathed, hand wrapped around the candy bar he’d been in the middle of grabbing. He thanks them for their assistance and asks whether the vending machine will be okay, and then ambles off, unwrapping his candy.

The team heads back to their vehicles, Bobby and Buck leading the pack, Buck talking animatedly about something, gesturing with his hands. Chim and Hen walk behind them, and Eddie hears Hen laugh, sees Chimney shake his head at something. He himself walks behind the group, forcing his feet to keep moving. His head pounds - he’s had a headache all week, but in the last half-hour it’s intensified, and every time he moves it feels like something is being slammed into his skull. He briefly considers sitting down right there, in the middle of a parking lot, just to catch his breath. He decides against this because he is genuinely worried that he wouldn’t be able to get back up.

“Eddie,” he hears Bobby call, and he looks up to see that everyone else is back in their spots in the truck and ambulance, save for him.

“Coming,” he says, though it sounds so quiet to his own ears that there’s no way that Bobby had heard him.

He takes a step - and then he’s falling. He feels his palms scrape against asphalt, feels his cheek press into the rough surface. He thinks about standing up, but that’s all the action he’s able to take on the matter.

He hears footsteps run up to him. Someone rolls him over so he’s on his back. Hands press to his neck, checking his pulse. His eyes are opened, and a light shines into them. He flinches away from it, turning his head.

“Eddie? You awake?”

“Always,” he slurs out, moving to push himself up. A hand rests on his arm, pushes him down.

“Hold on there,” Hen says. “You just collapsed. You’re not going anywhere.”

He doesn’t say anything.

“Your breathing’s a little shallow, but otherwise your vitals are normal,” Chim says. “Nothing that would have caused you to collapse.”

“I’m fine,” he snaps. “Let me get up.”

A hand is placed on his shoulder - Buck’s hand. “He said he didn’t sleep too good last night,” Buck offers, as Chim dabs his hands with something that makes them sting.

“One night of bad sleep wouldn’t do this,” Hen says, as Chimney moves on to bandaging his hands.

“Eddie,” says Bobby, “when was the last time you slept?”

He doesn’t know. He shrugs.

“Eddie,” Hen’s voice leaves no room for argument.

“I don’t know,” he mutters. “Can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?” Chim asks, putting a hand to his forehead.

“‘M not sick.”

“Well, something’s the matter,” Buck says. “You’ve been off all day - actually, all week. Quiet. Kinda snappy.”

“What’s going on?” asks Bobby.

“I can’t -” He can’t do this here, can’t admit that he’s terrified to sleep, in a way he hasn’t been since he first returned from Afghanistan. He can’t be weak. Not like this.

Nobody says anything for a long minute. Eddie’s eyes are closed, but he imagines his teammates exchanging glances over his body.

After a bit, he feels Bobby gently grab his freshly-bandaged hand, and then he’s being pulled to his feet. Bobby all but carries him to the truck, and Eddie breathes a mental sigh of relief to feel the leather seat underneath him, instead of the gurney in the back of the ambulance, which he’d feared they’d force him into.

Someone reaches across him and buckles his seatbelt, and he leans his head back against the seat as the truck starts moving.

When they arrive back at the station, Eddie fumbles with his seatbelt and manages to get it off, then forces himself to his feet, where he wavers for a second before carefully stepping out of the truck.

Immediately, Hen is next to him, letting him grab onto her arm when he stumbles. “Easy there,” she tells him, and carefully leads him upstairs, Chim walking very closely behind them like he thinks Eddie’s going to fall backwards at any minute.

Once they are safely upstairs, Hen guides Eddie to the couch and eases him down. She leaves, and a second later she’s pressing a cool bottle of water into his hands. He looks at it. Chim takes it from his hands and opens it, handing it back. “Drink it,” he says sternly, in a voice Eddie just knows he’s gonna get a lot of mileage out of when his new kid comes.

He drinks some of the water with shaking hands. If Chim and Hen notice this, they don’t say anything, a fact he’s grateful for. Hen takes the bottle from him when he’s finished, and Chim pats him on the leg, and then they both get up as someone else approaches. He very slowly turns his head to look.

Buck stands at the end of the couch, smiling softly at him, not a trace of irritation or pity on his face. He walks over to Eddie, extending a hand. Eddie grabs it, letting Buck pull him to his feet and slip an arm around his waist.

“Let’s get you some sleep, okay?” Buck asks.

Eddie shakes his head. He can’t, no matter how much his body might want to.

“Okay,” Buck says, not arguing. “You don’t have to sleep. But you are going to lay down.”

Eddie agrees to that, and they enter the bunkroom, which is empty, seeing as how it’s the middle of the day. Buck pulls Eddie along to his usual bed and gently guides him down.

Without a word, Buck takes off Eddie’s shoes, and then his own. Eddie stretches out along the bed, turning his body to face the wall. He feels Buck sit down beside him, feels the bed move as Buck gets himself comfortable. Neither of them says anything. Eddie tries desperately to keep his eyes open.

“You can sleep, Eddie,” Buck says quietly.

“I can’t,” Eddie whispers. “I’m afraid.”

The admission slips from him a good deal easier than he’d thought it would. “I’m afraid,” he repeats. “Every time I close my eyes, I’m back underground…” he trails off, not wanting to elaborate. “I can’t, Buck. What kind of coward can’t even fall asleep?” he asks, half to himself.

“Eddie,” Buck says, sounding stern for the first time all day. “Eddie,” he repeats, putting a hand to his back. “You are the furthest thing from a coward. You went through something traumatizing, and your brain knows that. It keeps reminding you every time you fall asleep. But your body doesn’t know that. It just knows it’s exhausted. You have to sleep.”

“But-”

Buck doesn’t let him protest. “And I know that’s scary, and I know there’s not a lot I can do to help, but I can say this. When I said I had your back, I meant it. I am always gonna be here for you, Eds, whether that means working together on a call or this right here. Anything. I promise I won’t leave you.”

Eddie takes a deep breath, letting his eyes close at last.

“That’s it,” says Buck, and Eddie feels his hand brush through his hair, a repetitive, calming motion. “Let yourself sleep.”

It’s not a magic fix by any means, but when the alarm rings three hours later, Eddie wakes up from a nightmare-less sleep feeling a good deal more alive, with Buck still pressed to his back, just as he’d promised.

#febuwhump2021 #febuwhumpday6 #insomnia #911 #eddie diaz #exhaustion #collapse #cared for #my writing #i say things

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ggreactionsandscenarios · 4 years ago

Text

Yeojin x Reader

I'm here for you, I got your back and I always will

Requested by : anon 🐱🐉🐽

When Yeojin told you she wanted to enter the company known as BlockBerry Creative, as her big sister, you felt proud but also worried about her choice. Worried that she'll be sad if she wasn't accepted.

Sadly it happened and Yeojin was disappointed of course, she started crying as soon as she got the news. You've been there in every difficulties of her life as a caring and loving big sister so obviously you were there for her this time too.

"Hey, stop crying baby, it was your first try it doesn't mean your not talented, you're super talented. Let's just try an other company."

"No I don't want to."

You sat next to her, enveloping her in your arms even if she had her head on her knees.

"What do you want to do then ?"

Yeojin always liked the fact that you were never forcing her to do anything, you were there for her but she was still the one choosing.

"I want to try again. I want to train more and go back to BBC to audition again and show them that I'm worth it."

You smiled, she'll always surprise you by how she was getting more motivated after every defeat.

"Should I call the dance teacher immediately ?"

You knew Yeojin would pick up at those words, she got her head off her knees and looked at you with loving eyes, your favourite ones.

"I love you so much Y/N !"

Yeojin's body crashed on yours, hugging you tightly and crying even more but from happiness this time.

"Come on stop crying big baby, I'm here for you, I got your back and I always will."

After training with her for a month, you knew she was ready to go audition for BBC again.

"You're ready ?"

"I can't wait to show them unnie."

You smiled, kissed her forehead and got to the audition room with her. There was no way you would let her audition without being there. As you entered the room a lot of people looked at you wondering what was doing someone like you here, but you didn't even spare them a glance. Your only concern was Yeojin and her wellbeing as usual.

"Name."

The pompous man was everything but nice, he was talking harshly without even giving a look at your sister. Yeojin didn't seem phased at all and you were proud of her for that but you had the urge to punch him in the face for talking like that to your sweet Yeojinnie.

"Im Yeojin."

"Go sit with the others."

Your jaw clenched at his lack of kindness and consideration, this time. Seeing you were about to speak your mind and not in a nice way, Yeojin grabbed your hand and pulled you to the bench before you could say things you'll regret.

Once sat, she played with your fingers, at first you thought it was only because she was trying to calm you but you finished by suspecting it might also be due to her own stress. She was rapidly called, so you gave her a kiss on the temple and a reassuring nood.

"Come on little sister, show them what talent is. And don't worry I'm here for you, I got your back.."

You didn't have to wait a long time for her to finish your anthem, she was used to it."

".. You always will."

"That's it, now go."

Yeojin looked so good while dancing and singing, her performance was as perfect as always. The judges were dumbfounded, the girl they saw a month ago was now at an all new level of dancing.

After a moment of debate between the three judges, one of them stood up.

"We won't take any more auditions in, we have the one we need, thank you."

Yeojin jumped in your arms. She did it, she was now part of BBC.

"Thanks Y/N, without you I couldn't have done it. I love you so much."

"I love you too."

Before you knew, Yeojin had become an idol, and debuted in the girl group Loona with eleven fellow members. All of them becoming her unnies, which was, you had to admit really weird for you and sometimes even upsetting.

At first you had some sort of jealousy rising up when Yeojin would turn to someone else than you for advices. But now, you understood that it was nothing but beneficial for Yeojin, she now had twelve people as mental and physical supports.

So even though it took some time, you got close to the others girls, some more than others. You were actually pretty much a big family.

That's why today you were on an interview for the celebration of Family day, an interview that would be diffused on this year AAA concert's website. Yeojin invited you because she claimed it was Family Day so there was no way she won't spend this day with you, her family.

You didn't have to do much, you were off camera just being Yeojin's guest that came watch her and cheer her up when she'll get nervous.

You were proud of how she talked about your family, you knew your parents would be proud while watching this at home.

"So Yeojin, I believe you also have a sister, is that right ?"

When the interviewer asked this question Yeojin's couldn't restrain a glance in your direction, giving you a big smile.

"Yes I do have a big sister. We actually don't have the same dad but it doesn't matter, she is my everything. I love her with all my heart, she is actually here right now, keeping an eye on me as always."

Before you knew it, you were asked to be interviewed too with an other camera. Your face and silver hair were shown on a big screen in front of the girls.

Yeojin gave you a questioning look from her sit but you only answered with a shrug. You didn't know either what was happening, you just brushed it off and dusted off your leather jacket before someone asked you to introduce yourself to the camera.

"Hi, I'm Yeojin big sister Y/N."

"Nice to meet you Y/N, can we ask you what are your origins since you don't really look Korean ?"

"Oh I'm half Korean, our mom is Korean but my father is a foreigner."

"So what do you think about your sister being an idol ?"

"I'm really proud of her, I always knew she would do big things. As soon as she was born she was already an idol to me that's why I fell in love with her. She's my soulmate, we were meant to be sisters."

You looked right into Yeojin's eyes as you said that, already able to see tears coming. You chuckled at how cute she was. The girls were all very touched by what you were saying about your sister, they all could once again feel how much you cared for her.

You gave a wink to your secret girlfriend, telling her you weren't forgetting about her before getting ready to answer the next question. But before asking anymore question the interview said they had some footage of your childhood memories.

On the big screen was now projected the videos from Yeojin's birth, a video of you feeding her milk from a feeding bottle, her small figure in your arms and your eyes as connected as today. The next showed your first dance lessons together, followed by a few recent ones from your month of practice before she debuted.

You heard Yeojin's sobs, she couldn't restrain herself anymore, it was too much memories in one go for her. You wanted to go comfort and hug her but you saw the girls were already on it, most of them crying too.

"You seem to care a lot for your sister, would you say you'll die for her ?"

"I would do anything for her and for her well-being."

You didn't even had to think before answering this question, it was logical for you.

"Do you remember the video BBC asked you to make when Yeojin debuted that was filmed on Family Day ?"

"Yes, they asked me to give a cheerful message for Yeojin to watch when she would feel down and I said exactly the same thing. I said that I would do anything for her."

Yeojin looked at you confused, you never told her anything about this video neither did her company.

"It was supposed to be a surprise for later in her carrier." You explained.

"That's exact, but especially for Family Day BBC allowed us to show her. So Yeojin, do you want to know what your sister said in that video ?"

Of course Yeojin was eager to find out what you said to her company. The video started and we could see you on your motorcycle with your gloves on, you saw your girlfriend gasped at the sight of your badass look.

In the video you explained that you were actually part of a biker gang, involved in women and children protection against domestic violence and harassment.

BBC asked you if they could meet the bikers leader at the time and being like a foster dad for you he accepted to say few words.

"If something were to happen to her group or Yeojin herself, we will come and protect them with all our might. Y/N tells us all the ups and down of the group, we learned to treat them as her family, we love Loona, care about them and also support them."

You were proud to be able to show the girls that they had backups in any circumstances.

"Hey, Yeojin and Loona. I love you all, don't give up, keep working hard. You are now Yeojin's family, girls, so you're my family too. Happy family day, fighting!".

After the final message of the video, the screen turned off, letting you hear them cry even more.

"Come on girls no crying on Family Day."

You opened your arms for them, ending the interview because none of them could still answer any more question. They rushed to your arms, forming a giant group hug.

After some time, most of the girls went to the van, letting you with Yeojin still in your arms.

"Are you going to stay here all day baby ?"

"I should with all the things you said."

As she spoke you noticed how her breathing wasn't as stable as it should be.

"Yeojin are you alright ? Did you take your vitamins this morning ?"

Yeojin didn't answer, she only shook her head, her state getting even worse.

"Okay we're going to the hospital."

You lifted her up from the floor and held her in bridal style. You got to your bike rapidly.

"You need to hold me tight now Yeojinnie, you're going to be fine just hold me."

You rushed to the hospital, in few minutes you were already asking for a cardiologist. You were used to her heart attacks but it wasn't one of her usual one, and it scared you even more.

Since birth Yeojin had troubles with her weak heart but until now some pills did the trick, maybe the overdose of emotions of today exhausted her too much. You couldn't help but feel guilty.

The doctor came back announcing you that Yeojin fell asleep for exhaustion but that after the first exams her heart seemed to had became too weak to keep her alive for more than a few years, starting from now.

You realised that all that idol lifestyle with it's unstoppable rhythm was too much for Yeojin's physical state. She would die in a few years if she doesn't get an heart transplantation.

You weren't ready to lose your sister yet.

You enjoyed your time alone with her before the girls and your parents arrived, called by the doctor. Once they arrived you eclipsed just long enough to ask the cardiologist to do a test in order to know if you were a compatible donor.

Few weeks after you learned that you were the perfect donor thank's to an letter sent by the hospital.

"I can't believe you're going to do that."

Your head turned towards your girlfriend and her crossed arms on her chest.

"Vivi please not again.."

"How can you just say that like it's nothing ?! You're going to die Y/N !"

You sighed, since you told Kahei about your decision, she kept getting angry at you.

"I know that, thanks."

"So what ?! Are you not scared !?"

"Of course I'm scared !"

"Than what ? You just prefer dying rather than waiting for an actual heart donor ? You prefer abandoning me rather than live ?"

"Of course not. I care about you Kahei, I love you. But it's my sister, I'll do anything if it means she'll be safe and yes it includes dying if it's what it takes for her to live an happy and long life."

Vivi got silent.

"Please don't hate me Vivi, I wouldn't be able to live with that."

"I'm sorry.. I'm acting selfishly. I shouldn't be asking you to let your sister die for me."

You took a step forward to embrace her, letting your chin on the top of her head.

"I'm sorry that I'll let you alone, but we still have some time we should be enjoying our time together rather than arguing, don't you think ?"

She smiled weakly at you before kissing your cheek.

"You're right."

"So are you going to help me with the video ?"

"Sit on the couch, I'll go get the camera."

That day you filmed a video message for Yeojin, for when she'll wake up after the heart transplantation. You explained her why you were doing that, reminding her about that interview and what you said about sacrificing your own life for hers if you had to.

"Don't think that I left you, my heart is beating in your chest, and when you're going to be rehabilitated you will dance again and receive amazing awards for it as always.

The bikers will protect you and your sisters the way I used to, they gave me their words.

But remember I am still and always with you, I will dance next to you, and as long as my heart beats in your chest, I am alive and always there, looking through your eyes.

I'm not saying goodbye, this is a new beginning, our new beginning. I'm here for you, I got your back and I always will, remember ? I love you my dear and beloved Yeojin. "

Vivi stopped the recording and crashed in your arms, sitting on your lap. She was crying.

"Hey baby don't cry, let's go get food, I'm not dying today, it's only if Yeojin need me one day."

Hey, here is your request hope you'll like it. It's the longest scenario I wrote so far. As I told you I changed a few things hope you don't mind. I couldn't kill Y/N it was too hard 😐. Anyway give me feedback or else I'll come roast your last brain cells 😅😂😘 -Ael

#kpop girls #girl group #girlfriend #loona yeojin #loonaverse #loona icons #loona scenarios #yeojin #maknae #yeojin scenario #yeojin imagine #im yeojin

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lokishornns · 5 years ago

Text

Make a Wish [3]

—

masterlist

—

— send requests!!

pairing: loki x reader (fem)

type: series, some humor?

rating: pg13

word count: 2,774

warnings: cursing most likely. mentions of nyc attack and deaths. mention of trafficking if you squint.

summary: You’re a new employee for the Make a Wish foundation, struggling to make a living in the ever expensive New York City. When your boss - who, for the record, hates your guts - assigns an impossible task as a way to get you fired, you do everything in your power to make a kid happy. Even if that does include getting face to face with the most hated man in the city.

notes: im so so so sorry this took so long, but summer started so i should be pumping out fics soon. also,,,,, this is the worst thing ive ever written

taglist is open!! (check bio)

—

“Do you have a way to get home?” his voice cuts through the storm swiftly, causing a shiver to tread down your back. You turn to the villain, watching as he peers out of his front doors to where you stand. Is he actually concerned?

You realize he may be right questioning if you have a ride or not. You check your phone, staring at the time. The train back to your side of town would probably not be at the station for another half hour, and you weren’t too keen on sitting in a subway at the devil’s hour. You shrug, looking back to the downpour.

“If the subway counts, yes,” you say, mentally preparing yourself of having to traverse in the downpour once again. Loki’s mouth drops into a frown and you swear for a second you see a look of worry being directed your way before you blink it away. Loki’s face looks to be contemplating something as he skims your figure with his eyes.

Oh my god, this man needs to stop looking at me like that, you think, your face feeling hot all of a sudden.

“Is anyone able to pick you up?” Loki asks, and you’re stunned into silence for a split second, shocked that he’s actually looking out for your wellbeing. You shake yourself from those thoughts, instead, shooting a glance to your phone before shaking your head.

“My roommate doesn’t have a car,” you respond, the awkwardness of the conversation seeping into your skin, your nerves standing on end. You watch as Loki’s face contorts into a look of frustration before waving at you to follow him back inside. You don’t move.

“Come on, love; you’re going to get hypothermia out there,” Loki grumbles, his eyes rolling. You only stare at the villain, watching cautiously at his next actions.

He could kill me. Or sell me. Maybe he wants to enslave me.

“I swear that no harm will be done to you, now please come inside. You’re messing up my doormat.” Loki raises his hands up, palms facing outwards as if to show you that he’s not holding anything that can do any harm. You glance him over again warily before taking a small step back inside the enormous house. How does someone even get a house this big in New York?

The chill inside of the house does little to soothe your shiver and your skin seems to ripple at the feeling of his eyes over you. He turns away abruptly, walking quickly to a hallway, forcing you to jog to catch up to his long legs. The darkness creeps over your legs and up your spine as you disappear into the hallway, your only savior being the occasional moonlight that pierces through the windows, warped and distorted by water droplets.

Loki pushes open a door, the black wood gliding silently across the marble floors. He rummages around in a dimly lit room before peeking around the doorframe to peer at you.

“These should fit,” Loki says, his arm outstretched, offering you what seems to be a folded pair of sweats. You only stare at his hand before he sighs, rolling his eyes. “Killed by sweatpants, what a dramatic way to go.” You grumble lightly before taking the clothing from his hands. “Bathroom’s right there. Once you’ve changed, walk down this hallway. You’ll see the garage.” Loki’s tone gives you the obvious sign that whatever he says is final before he whips back around, stalking down the hallway.

You peer after the man for a moment, watching his features blend and contrast the darkness surrounding him.

Nice ass.

You sigh as you pull on the sweats, the fabric being surprisingly warm and soft. They’re quite a bit larger than your frame, and you have the slight suspicion that these might belong to Loki, but you don’t really care. You inhale deeply, catching a whiff of something rather desirable before looking at yourself in the mirror. You almost scream at the sight. The makeup you’d put on at the beginning of your day was running down your cheeks, your nose bright red. Your hair is in wet columns, almost plastered to your head. To cut things short, you look like a wet dog.

You can’t seem to muster up the capability to care about your appearance, instead just using a spare towel to run through your hair. The least you could do for Loki was give these sweats back after you’re done using them. Maybe; he’s still a villain.

You pull the bathroom door open, surprised to find the hallways being lit with warm lighting, an orange glow cast on the marble floor. You almost feel comfort at the change.

Your eyes bulge out of their sockets at the sight of the garage; cars are lined up, all sleek and polished and black. The variety of luxury cars oozes wealth and a small feeling of envy aches in your stomach as you scan through the vehicles.

“Liking the view?” a voice asks from behind you, and you yelp, turning on your heels to face whoever decided it would be a good idea to sneak up on you. Loki’s amused grin meets your eyes and you practically sigh in relief.

I need to stop feeling so comfortable around him; he’s literally the worst person in New York right now, you think. But, he’s been good to me so far.

“So, take your pick,” Loki says, and your eyes widen, looking back to the vast array of cars.

“You must have a very miserable life,” you mumble, half hoping Loki can hear you. If he does, he doesn’t make any snarky comment in response. You walk cautiously through the cars, refraining from reaching out and touching the shiny and gorgeous vehicles. One near the end of the line catches your eye and your brows furrow. “You have a third-generation impala,” you say dumbly.

“Yes; is that a surprise?” Loki asks, cocking an eyebrow of his own up. You turn back to the car, shaking your head softly.

“I guess not. Just doesn’t seem your style.” You shrug.

“How do you know the model?” Loki’s voice holds curiosity and your lips pick up into a slight smile, no animosity or harshness directed in your gaze to Loki. He wants to shiver at the sight.

“My dad used to have one, just like this, except it was an ugly blue. It was a pretty car, but a beast to work on. There’s not a lot of black ones around.” Loki senses a small bit of sensitivity in your tone and studies you, watching and picking apart your movements carefully as you walk around the car. You let out a low whistle. “Not a single scratch or dent. I’m impressed; she’s gorgeous. Can we do this one?” you ask, and the hope that sparks in your eyes gives Loki an odd feeling. He rolls his eyes.

“Your wish is my command, princess,” he mocks, and you stick out a tongue. If he was going to act childish, then so were you.

Loki and you sat in comfortable silence, music playing softly in the background to alleviate tension. Your window was rolled down, your hands curling around the wind and rain as Loki blew past streets, the impala screeching and grumbling with life.

“Why are you not like a villain?” you question absentmindedly, not even realizing the words had slipped from your mouth until the damage is done. Loki gives you a side glance, probably confused on what you meant. You go to open your mouth again before Loki cuts you off.

“What do you define as a villain, fierce one?” Loki asks, and you pause. Your eyes sweep over the curve of Loki’s nose and facial structure, thinking about the question.

He seemed to have a point with the question. Your classic definition of a villain is the one you see in every new blockbuster playing on the big screen. A creepy person, usually rich, but with little to no morals and respect for others. Someone who’s constantly creating chaos and a trail of destruction. But as you glance in the side-view mirror, you only see headlights staring back at you, no trail of destruction in sight.

“Someone who takes advantage of others for their own personal intentions on a large scale. Someone who does the opposite of good.”

“And what do you define as good?” Loki’s voice is smooth and calm, knowing he has you ensnared in a trap of thorns, snagging on your being. Your aura flickers.

“Honesty, patience, selflessness. Lawful,” you murmur, watching as Loki’s eyes flicker with a brighter shade of green, something swirling in his irises. His hand on the wheel grips the black steering wheel a little tighter.

“If you define a villain as one who takes advantage of others in a selfish manner, you’re describing all individuals who live on your pathetic planet. If you describe good as being lawful, then being a villain and being good is not mutually exclusive,” Loki mentions, and your mouth falls open, your throat drying up. “Do you know what I did to earn my position as New York’s most feared man?”

The question makes you hesitate, your mind swirling as you try to remember. You remember the invasion and the panic that shot through your nerves whenever you felt the ground tremble and moan beneath your feet. You can recall the smoke and dust that had filtered into your lungs, making you cough and gag.

“The invasion,” you whisper. The wince on Loki’s face as the words filter from your mouth makes you frown. “It killed seventy-four people.”

“Do you know why I did such a thing?” You only look at the god. His jaw is clenched tighter than it was a few moments ago, his knuckles whiter than before. “Do you know what my selfish intentions were?” Loki turns his head, his icy eyes bleeding into your soul. Your stomach lurches.

“No,” you mumble, a mix of fear and intrigue gripping your heart. Your voice is barely louder than the rumble of the car, but Loki hears it.

“Well, it would serve you best to figure that out,” Loki says with a sense of finality. You hadn’t even noticed the car had stopped outside of your apartment building, rain drizzling down the windows. You clear your throat, gathering your belongings in your arms.

“Thank you; for the ride and the clothes,” you say, giving the villain a smile as you stumble from the vehicle, the door still propped open. A small one, but genuine. Loki returns the gesture with an amused smirk of his own.

“Anything for a fan,” Loki teases, his eyes dancing with amusement. You scoff, slamming the door behind you. You stalk towards the apartment, ignoring the sound of the Impala screeching off into the night of New York City, the streetlamps flickering. The time on your phone makes you groan, reflecting the night you had endured.

The key jiggles in the lock, your door creaking as you push it open. The stuffy smell of candles burn your nostrils and you cough, the smell reaching the back of your throat. You wave your hand in front of your nose, swatting away the overbearing scent.

“B?” you call out, blowing out candles as you walk through the apartment. Your roommate makes no move to respond, prompting you to peer into her room. You sigh, B asleep and draped over her bed, snoring softly as papers surround her. You figured B had a rough night at her nursing residency based on the empty wine glass sitting on her bedside. You tread through her piles of clothes that are scattered throughout the room, blowing out candles and flicking off a few lamps. You grab a blanket and drape it over her sleeping form.

You throw your phone onto your bed, following it soon after. You couldn’t call in sick to work, your boss would assume you had failed and try to figure out any way to get rid of you. You grumble at the thought of having to wake up in a few short hours just to stumble into your boss’ evil lair and be ridiculed.

Your hope of drifting off into a short yet peaceful slumber is interrupted by thoughts of the one thing – or person – you shouldn’t be thinking about. Loki’s words ring throughout your body, thrumming with something you couldn’t decipher yet. Although you had just met and mingled with the most dangerous person in New York City, you felt oddly successful. You had managed to contact Danny’s wish and had somehow convinced him to actually meet Danny, even if minimal plans were made. Although, you had gotten the video out of it.

Your thoughts were ripped back to the file back at the Avenger’s tower. It had all of Loki’s information, transcripts of interviews and interrogations, a mugshot that was far too attractive, and his address. The Avengers has his address. Your stomach churned. You had always believed that the Avengers and Loki were playing a game of tiptoe, just waiting for Loki to strike at the Avengers or vice versa. News stations and the media portrayed Loki as the most dangerous man in New York City, so why did the Avengers allow him to live smack dab in the middle of it with a luxurious mansion that didn’t necessarily scream “hey, a terrifying villain lives here!”? It wasn’t like the Avengers were incapable of taking down Loki.

Thoughts of the Avengers and Loki were still swirling in your head as you stumbled into your boss’ office, entangled with worries and stress about Danny. You plaster on a tight smile for your boss, Greg, as he swivels around in his too-creaky rolling chair. You cringe at the sight of his office for a moment, a smell that oddly resembled rotten Chinese takeout making your eyes water. Papers are stacked everywhere. For a charity organization, you’d think that they’d have higher standards for places of work - or employees at that matter.

“Ah,” Greg’s eyes light up in recognition or annoyance, you can’t really tell. “New employee, finally gave up on that one project?” A more genuine smile of satisfaction pulls on the corner of your lips.

“No, I actually happened to get in contact with Loki last night,” you say, watching as your boss’ eyebrows draw together in confusion.

“That’s impossible. You’re lying,” Greg sneers, a pepper flake becoming apparent on his front tooth. You dig your phone out, unlocking the device to pull up a video.

“I thought you may say that,” you hum, handing him your phone. Your smile grows wider as he plays the video, his eyes widening.

“Why do I have to do this?” Loki’s disgusted voice sounds through the speaker.

“Because, I need proof,” you hissed, knowing at that moment, Loki had rolled his eyes to the camera.

“That’s stupid.”

“Put yourself in my shoes-”

“Tragic.”

“-If you walked into my work and said that you had met the most feared person in New York City, would people believe you?”

“No, I’m the god of lies.”

“Ugh, whatever, just say it,” you grumbled.

“Fine, you really are a stubborn one, aren’t you? Anyways, evening Greg, I am here with your annoying employee to confirm that I will be working with her for the duration of this Wish. There, am I done?”

Greg’s face falls, his eyes wide and jaw slack. A hint of pink dusts your cheeks at the embarrassment of watching you and the most dangerous person in New York City interact with each other, but a smile covers it up. His eyes flick from you to the phone that’s being held with an iron grip. You almost missed the tremble in his hand.

“This is fake.” You hear the hesitation in Greg’s voice, hinting that he doesn’t entirely believe himself.

“No, it’s not. If you would like to call him, I can just grab his number right now-”

“No, no! That won’t be necessary,” Greg yelps, panic alight in his eyes. He practically tosses your phone back to you, nervous laughter bubbling past his lips. For the slightest moment, you think Loki may have found this rather funny.

What the fuck? I need to stop acting like I’m buddies with Loki, dear god.

“That’s all, go do,” Greg trails off, seemingly stumped on what to tell you to do next. You hum a quick thanks before you’re out of the door, slipping your phone away as you make your way to the subway.

—

permanent // @wewon-mrstark @timesarehardformarvellovers

loki // @quenilla @darkprincessloki92 @jessiejunebug @agentcoulsonlivesinallofus @lokixme @themusingsofmany @iamverity @smhavengers

make a wish // @freakygirlforeve7-blog-blog @neaswift @sm0kingcrack @megasimpleplan4ever @barikawhobarikawho @padmeisgay @wolfsmom1 @themusingsofmany @iamverity @smhavengers

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i-am-out-of-my-vulcan-mind · 6 years ago

Text

You’re Still Here

This is my first installment of my @badthingshappenbingo card. What started out as a small oneshot, became quite a long installment.

This is set sometime in S2, before Shepherd and Roman learned Jane’s loyalties lay with the FBI.

Thanks @lurkingwhump for always being there to bounce around ideas with me and for convincing me to start a card. Feel free to leave requests on my card :)

I hope you enjoy :)

It was late, the rest of the team had long gone home. Jane sat in the office by herself meticulously filling out paperwork from today's events.

Roman had pulled her away on yet another Sandstorm mission, where they had had an altercation with some armed guards. No one had been killed and thankfully she seemed to be the only one who had walked away with minor injuries. The rest of the mission had gone as planned, but like all of the others, seemed completely random and pointless to her.

She signed the last of her paperwork, standing to put it on Weller's desk. A sharp pain radiated through her side, causing her to drop her stack of paperwork. Caught by surprise at the intensity of the pain, she stopped in her tracks, bringing her hand up to clutch her abdomen. She prodded the area softly, clenching her teeth when she hit a particularly painful spot.

She must have taken a hit to the abdomen when they were fighting those guards. She thought back, trying to gauge when the injury must have occurred. Coming up short, she shrugged.

She groaned when she realised all of her freshly filled reports were scattered all over the floor. She bent down slowly, not wanting to aggravate her side further, and picked everything up. Sitting back at her desk, she started the painstaking process of putting everything back in order.

By the time she was done, it was well past midnight. Her eyes hurt and she had a pounding headache. The pain in her side had settled to a dull burning sensation, so long as she didn't move too fast.

Resigned to the fact that this was the best she was going to be able to do tonight, she stood slowly, before collecting her paperwork and heading for Kurt's office. She left her reports in a neat pile on his desk, before retreating to the breakroom.

Her stomach growled loudly - when was the last time she had eaten? Jane frowned when she realised she couldn't remember. She shrugged, fatigue pulling at her senses. She sat down exhausted on the couch, deciding she would rest for just a moment before she made her way back to her safehouse.

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When Kurt entered the NYO, he was already in a bad mood. His morning had already started out with burnt toast, a coffee stained shirt, a flat tyre and a New York cabbie who was only interested in taking the longest route to get the biggest fare out of him. Even through all of that, he had still managed to get to work first.

He stopped by his office first to discard his jacket. He raised an eyebrow at the stack of completed paperwork on his desk.

When had she had time to do this?

She had arrived back at the NYO late evening, a little worse for wear. She had sat through another gruelling session from Nas, who insisted she know every detail of each mission. It had been after ten by the time they were finished, and everyone else had gone home to their beds. He had only assumed Jane had as well.

He sighed. She had been pushing herself incredibly hard since her return from the CIA, but not once had he taken the time to ask if she was ok. He had been far too angry, not even wanting to be in the same room as her. He scrubbed a hand over his face. The anger was still there, though it had lessened a little. Deep down he knew she had truly believed she had been protecting them by not saying anything about Oscar….

But she had still lied!

She had still been a part of Mayfair’s death. She had still lied about having memories about being Taylor.

He felt his face twitch, the anger building again. He just wanted this all to be over so he could be rid of her once and for all… so he could finally move on with his life.

Deciding that her stack of paperwork could wait, he made his way to the breakroom, in search of a coffee fix that hopefully wouldn’t end up on his shirt this time.

The sight that greeted him when he entered the breakroom had his feelings conflicted.

Jane was curled up on the loveseat, her face scrunched in pain even in sleep. She was pale and sweaty, her cheeks tinged with red. He frowned, feeling his anger lesson again.

��Jane.” he said gruffly, not wanting to give into the satisfaction of touching her.

She startled awake, her eyes glazed, until recognition cleared her features.

“Kurt?’ she asked, scrambling to a sitting position. She winced, the uncontrolled movements sending daggers into her damaged side. She brought her hand to her abdomen again, not able to completely suppress the pained groan that escaped her lips.

Kurt frowned.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked, but his voice came out harsher than intended.

Jane forced her face to become impassive, standing stiffly.

“I’m fine.” she ground out, before she limped out of the breakroom, using the wall for support as a wave of dizziness clouded her vision.

Kurt watched her leave, again unable to identify his emotions. He busied his hands, making a pot of coffee. He watched through the glass as Jane all but limped back to her desk, clearly in some kind of distress. It hurt him, though didn’t surprise him that she could no longer confide in him. He hadn’t exactly given her any reason to since she got back.

He decided it would probably be more damaging to her if he suddenly started showing care towards her. She would just try and find an ulterior motive. No, it was probably best if he just left her alone to lick her wounds, though he would be keeping a closer eye on her from now on.

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By the time the rest of the team had arrived, Weller seemed to have thankfully forgotten about their little altercation in the break room.

Jane had been worried that he would reprimand her for sleeping in the office, or that she didn’t seem to be in top physical condition. She knew her place. The only reason she was even still here was because she could help them take down Sandstorm. Once that happened, she had no idea where she would end up. Would they send her straight back to the CIA?

The thought made her feel sick, and she had to swallow against the nausea churning in her gut.

Her phone beeped - Patterson was calling them to a meeting.

Jane took a careful breath, as not to aggravate the pain radiating from her side. She schooled her features. Show no weakness. Pain is a dream. Business as usual.

She stood slowly, making her way to Patterson’s lab. She stood in the corner, as per usual, trying to keep as much distance from the rest of the team as she could. She just didn’t think she could handle their harsh words or expressions today.

Truth be told, she was starting to suspect something was terribly wrong. What had started out feeling like a bruised muscle, had turned into a sharp pain that radiated down her right side. That, accompanied with the nausea and the fact she thought she had a fever… she was starting to get concerned for her own wellbeing. And that was saying something... maybe she had been hurt worse than she had been willing to admit.

Not wanting to draw any attention to herself, she crossed her arms so she didn’t have to clutch her side. Patterson’s voice had faded into the background without her realising it, her body suddenly only interested in focusing on the pain in her side and the nausea bubbling up her throat.

She swallowed convulsively, her eyes darting around the room for the nearest exit.

She was so wrapped up in trying to control her suddenly extremely upset stomach, that she hadn’t noticed Kurt side-eying her. He was watching her distress with growing concern. Deciding enough was enough, he turned to her, saying her name questioningly.

“Jane?”

He knew there was something really wrong when she didn’t respond.

Jane didn’t even hear him say her name, her mind too wrapped up in the turmoil within. The pain and nausea intensified, sending her hurtling towards the nearest wastebin, sinking to her knees and vomiting up the meager contents of her stomach. Nothing but bile and acid came up, burning her throat. She squeezed her eyes shut, not able to suppress the pained whimpers that escaped between heaves.She pressed her hand to her burning side, tears leaking out of the corner of her eyes.

She hadn’t noticed that everyone in the room was looking at her, that Kurt was hovering over her, unsure on whether to touch her or not.

Her stomach spasmed again, sending a shockwave of pain coursing through her entire body. She gagged once more, panting heavily into the waste bin. Slowly she became more aware of her surroundings.

Completely mortified, she accepted the tissue Patterson was holding out for her, with a strangled “Thanks.”

She looked up at the rest of the team, a mixture of concern and disgust tainted their faces.

“Excuse me.” She hissed through another wave of agony, pulling herself to her feet. She grabbed the wastebin and limped painfully towards the door.

“Jane-”

“Im fine.” she ground out, her voice hoarse from vomiting.

Kurt and the rest of the team were left staring after her, feeling completely dumbstruck.

Jane discarded the contents of the bin, before making her way to the bathroom. She took a drink out of the tap, rinsing her mouth out, before she cupped cold water in her hands, splashing her fevered cheeks.

She pulled up the hem of her shirt, slightly shocked to see a bloated bulge where her usually flat stomach was. She fingered the bulge gently, biting her lower lip to contain the cry that had tried to escape.

She heard someone enter the bathroom, and quickly yanked her shirt back down.

“What's going on Jane?” she heard Weller ask. She turned around slowly, wishing she didn't have to meet his eye.

“I'm-”

“Don't just say you're fine!” he cut her off, exasperated. “Because clearly you're not.”

Jane sighed. There was no way she was going to get out of this.

“It's nothing. Just an upset stomach.” She said matter of factly.

Kurt cocked his eyebrow.

“Maybe you should go home.” he replied, and Jane could have sworn there was a hint of concern in his voice.

She shook her head.

“I just want to do my job.”

“Jane.” he said, stepping forward, hands up in a placating gesture. “Clearly you're not well. It would be irresponsible of me to allow you to continue working.”

Jane's heart sank. Didn't he realise nothing but emptiness and nightmares waited for her at home?

Resigned to her fate, she nodded, moving to shrug past him, when another round of pain hit her, causing her to double over. She whimpered, clutching at her side again, not able to hide her agony.

She felt a hand on her shoulder… could hear the concern in his voice as he called out to her.

The pain, if possible, intensified, the edges of her vision graying.

She let out an anguished cry, before her world turned black, and she collapsed in a heap into Kurt's arms.

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Kurt watched in horror as Jane was overcome with pain, doubling over. Her face turned three shades paler, before her eyes rolled into the back of her head. He reached out, grabbing her before she fell into a heap on the floor.

He lowered her gently into the recovery position, brushing her hair off of her face. He was shocked at the heat radiating off of her face.

“Jane? Jane?” he called, trying to rouse her. When he got no response, he turned and called out the door. “I need some help in here!”

A few moments later, Zapata and Patterson came rushing into the room, stopping in their tracks at the scene that greeted them.

“What the hell happened?” Tasha asked, kneeling beside them on the floor.

“I don’t know.” Kurt replied gruffly. “She just collapsed.”

“I’ll call an ambulance.” Patterson said, pulling out her cell phone, her eyes wide in concern. She stepped out of the bathroom, leaving the other two to tend to Jane.

“Help me get her out of these clothes.” Kurt ordered. “We need to try and cool her down.”

Tasha nodded, helping Kurt sit her up and pulling her jacket and hoodie off. Jane was limp, and still hadn't shown any signs of waking. They pulled her shirt and pants off, leaving her lying in nothing but her underwear.

Tasha could help the gasp that escaped her mouth when she saw the state of the woman she once thought of as a friend. She was incredibly emaciated, her ribs and hip bones jutting out under her tattooed skin. She was muscle, and little else. There were scars zig zagging and warping through her tattoos, giving an indication as to what she went through in the grips of the CIA.

Tasha nodded down towards Jane's stomach.

“That's not right.” she said, helping Kurt roll her back into the recovery position. Kurt raised an eyebrow at Tasha. “She's so thin.” she started.

“I can see that Tasha.” he ground out.

“No… Kurt… she's so thin, but her stomach looks really bloated. Something's not right.”

Kurt followed her gaze, looking at Jane's stomach properly.

“You're right.” he agreed. He cupped the part of her stomach that was the most swollen, pushing down softly. Even in unconsciousness, Jane reacted to the pain.

“Did she get hurt yesterday?” Tasha asked.

Kurt shook his head. “Not that I know of… but I don't think she would tell us if she did.”

They both stared down at her guiltily. Neither of them had been very civil towards Jane these last few months. They had both forgotten what it was like to have her as part of their team. It was easier to have someone to blame, and Jane seemed to be more than happy to cop it.

“There's no bruising.” Kurt commented, inspecting her side again. “I don't think this is an injury.”

“What is she pregnant?” Tasha spat out, the usual viciousness returning to her voice.

Kurt frowned up at her.

“I certainly hope not.” he whispered quietly.

“Paramedics will be here in a minute.” Patterson said, returning to the bathroom. “Oh God.” she whispered, taking in Jane's frail form.

Zapata and Weller looked up at her, their expressions both angry and guilty.

“How did we let things get this bad?” she asked, clearly upset.

“This isn't our fault.” Tasha exclaimed, her voice hard.

“Maybe not, but we didn't exactly do anything to stop it either.” Kurt replied softly, placing the back of his hand on her forehead. She was still hot to the touch.

He felt her stir under his hand.

“Jane? Can you hear me?” he asked, leaning over her.

She squeezed her eyes shut, blinking heavily.

“Weller?” she asked weakly.

“Yeah it's me.” he replied, giving into the temptation and brushing her hair off her face gently. “You passed out. The paramedics are on their way.”

Jane frowned, trying to remember. Her eyes suddenly grew wide when she realised her state of undress.

“Why am I in my underwear?” she ground out, struggling to sit up.

Tasha reached out with surprisingly gentle hands, urging her to lie back down.

“Just relax.” she said, her tone the kindest it had been in months. “You have a high fever, we were just trying to cool you down.”

Jane seemed to accept that, though she still felt incredible uncomfortable and exposed. She knew how her body looked. How ugly she was. And now she was on display for the whole world to see.

“How's the pain?” Kurt asked.

Jane took a moment to assess herself. She felt awful, nauseous and sore, but the pain in her side had seemed to have dulled.

“Better actually.” she replied and Kurt could see she was telling the truth. “I don't think the paramedics are necessary.”

“I think we would all feel better if you went and got checked out.” Kurt replied, still worried about the swelling in her stomach and her fever.

“What about how I feel?” Jane ground out. “Or do I not get a say in the matter?”

“Jane…”

They were interrupted by the arrival of the paramedics. Kurt and Tasha moved out of the way, giving them room to work. Kurt turned away, unable to look her in the eye. He knew this was yet another right he was taking away from her. But his gut was telling him she really needed to be checked over. He could vaguely hear the EMT's asking her questions, and talking to each other as they took her vitals. Before he knew it they had loaded her onto the gurney, a light sheet covering her to give her at least a little privacy.

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Jane felt completely mortified as she was wheel through the middle of the office, nothing but a light sheet covering her. The paramedics had inserted an IV and administered some pain relief. She had tried to convince them that she didn't need to go to the hospital, but her 103 degree fever and her cry of pain when they palpated her abdomen, hadn't been very persuasive.

She curled in on herself, trying to hide her face from as many onlookers as possible. She could hear them murmuring amongst themselves, and wished that she would just pass out again.

Thankfully they made it down to the waiting ambulance fairly quickly and without incident. They loaded her into the back of the ambulance, and Jane nearly choked when Kurt hopped in beside her.

She stared at him questioningly. Hadn't he already wasted enough time today at her expense?

“You don't have to go through this alone.” he said matter of factly, taking the seat opposite her.

Jane chose to stay quiet. She wasn't sure if he was here because he cared and was genuinely worried, or if he wanted to keep an eye on her... to make sure she actually made it to the hospital without causing a fuss.

Jane suspected it was the latter. Why would he suddenly choose to start caring about her now? She had been hurt plenty of times in the field, and he had barely batted an eyelid. So why now?

Maybe it was because he had seen the result of the damage inflicted by the CIA. Maybe he suddenly felt sorry for her because he had seen how wasted away her body had become. How the grueling workouts she pushed herself through each day, had turned her body into muscle and not much more, and the missed meals had melted any remaining fat reserves.

Because there was no way she would let herself believe for a second, that maybe he actually cared.

She was starting to lose the battle with her stomach again. The motion of riding backwards and winding through traffic was making her feel queasy.

She placed her hand on her belly, breathing through her nose and swallowing convulsively.

“Feeling a bit sick there, are we?” one of the paramedics asked.

Jane nodded, not willing to trust opening her mouth.

“Here.” the paramedic said kindly, giving her an emesis bag. “I'll get you something for the nausea.”

Jane stared down at the bag, willing her stomach to settle. There was no way she was going to vomit in front of Weller for a second time today… especially when she had already passed out into his arms, like some kind of damsel, and then been stripped down to her underwear.

She groaned as they swung through another line of traffic, leaning over the bag panting heavily. She felt a light hand on her back, and was surprised to see Kurt had moved closer to her.

“Just breathe Jane.” he murmured. He moved away when the paramedic had the right medication, injecting the anti emetic into her IV.

Moments later, she felt confident enough to sit back up, tucking the bag down the side of the bed for safe keeping.

She stared at Kurt through wide eyes.

“What?” he asked, smiling slightly.

Jane hesitated for a moment, then asked “Why are you being so nice to me?” in a small voice.

Kurt frowned at that. He sighed.

“I'm worried about you Jane.” he said finally.

Jane's eyes searched his, and found only truth.

“Why? What has suddenly changed?” she asked, her voice confused.

He thought for a moment, staring into her fevered eyes.

“Something happened today that reminded me of a few things.” he said quietly.

Jane just stared at him, not knowing how to respond to that. At her silence he continued.

“I'm not saying I forgive you, but I'm saying that I could… in time.”

Jane took a breath and blew it out slowly.

“We've both done some terrible things Jane, but I'm beginning to see that neither of us intended for those things to happen.”

Jane's head was spinning. Never did she think she would be having this conversation with Kurt Weller.

“I know you would never deliberately hurt this team… or me… but you still did, and that pain isn't going to just go away… but Jane… I am sorry for the way we have been treating you since you got back… and from the looks of thing, you haven't been treating yourself very well either.”

Jane felt her cheeks flush, and knew it had nothing to do with her fever.

“Thank you.” she whispered quietly. She could see how sincere he was being and knew he wasn't playing some kind of trick on her. She looked up at him, her chin wobbling. “You have to know I never wanted any of this.” she exclaimed.

He frowned again, but nodded.

“Just don't lie to me again Jane.”

“I won't lie to you, if you promise not to arrest me again.” she quipped.

The corner of his mouth lifted.

“Deal.”

Jane sighed, feeling herself relax for the first time in months.

“So what’s actually going on?” Kurt asked, his eyes looking down at her stomach.

Jane shrugged her shoulder.

“I’m not sure.” she whispered quietly. “I thought that maybe I got hurt during yesterday’s mission.”

“But you’re not sure?” he asked knowingly.

She shook her head.

“I don’t remember taking a hit that would have caused this much damage.”

Kurt frowned again.

“We’ll get to the bottom of this, Jane.”

Jane nodded.

“That’s just it though… the pain feels better.”

“That could just be the painkillers talking.” he replied smiling.

“I don’t think so. When I woke up in the bathroom, I almost felt relief.”

The paramedic caught her eye, staring at her with concern.

“We’re here.” he said.

They wheeled Jane into a cubicle, Kurt not leaving her side. She saw the paramedic whisper something to the doctor, that seemed to concern him. He nodded and strode straight into the cubicle.

“Miss Doe? I’m Doctor Connors. I understand you’ve been having some pain in your tummy.”

Jane nodded, incredibly embarrassed. She was thankful her and Kurt seemed to have made amends in the back of the ambulance.

“Do you mind if I take a look?” Doctor Connors asked kindly.

Jane shook her head. The doctor lay the bed flat, lifting the sheet to expose her stomach. She looked at Kurt, and could see the guilt plastered over his face at the sight of her body. She was distracted by the sudden onslaught of pain, when the doctor started palpating her swollen belly. He was gentle, working his way around the rest of her stomach, until he reached the bottom right side of her stomach. He pressed lightly, and Jane couldn’t help but cry out. Kurt grabbed her hand, squeezing tightly.

The doctor put his stethoscope in his ears, listening to Jane’s belly.

“Ok Miss Doe.” the doctor said, removing his stethoscope and lowering her blanket back down. “I’m going to get a nurse to come in and run some more tests.” He lifted the head of the bed back into a sitting position

Jane couldn’t reply, too focused on breathing through the pain that seemed to have resurfaced.

“I’ll get you some painkillers.” he said, before leaving the cubicle.

Kurt sat down on the side of the bed, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand.

“Shh Jane… just breathe.” he murmured gently.

A nurse entered sometime later, holding a kidney dish filled with different needles. She administered some pain relief, and another anti emetic, before getting to work changing Jane’s IV and taking bloods. She took her heart rate, blood pressure and temperature, jotting it down on her chart.

“We’re going to set you up on some saline.” the nurse said, hanging the bag above her head. “You’re quite dehydrated.”

Jane nodded, enjoying the blissful relief the painkillers were giving her. When the nurse had left the room, Jane looked over at Kurt and smiled.

He grinned back. “You’re so high.” he laughed.

Jane rolled her eyes, trying to keep her face serious, but completely failing.

“This is some good stuff.” she murmured. She was starting to have trouble keeping her eyes open.

Kurt chuckled.

“Get some rest.” he said, making himself comfortable on the seat beside her. “They will have your test results soon.”

Jane let herself relax back into the pillow, riding the waves of euphoria from the morphine. She had never taken strong painkillers as long as she had been Jane. She was starting to see why there were drug addicts in the world.

Some time later, Doctor Connors came back into the cubicle, Jane’s chart in his hand. Kurt leant over waking Jane.

“Miss Doe.” Doctor Connors said, opening her chart. “Your white count is incredibly high, that with the fever, vomiting and the localised position of your pain, we are suspecting you have a hot appendix.”

“Ok?” Jane asked.

“When you were being brought in in the ambulance, the paramedic said that you felt relief when you woke up from unconsciousness.’

“Yeah… the pain was better when I woke.” Jane confirmed.

“Sometimes, when a patient experiences debilitating stomach pain, that then disappears, it can indicate that the appendix may have ruptured.”

Jane raised an eyebrow, eyes eyes widening.

“That can be life threatening can’t it?” she questioned.

The doctor nodded.

“It can be… yes.”

Jane blew out a lungful of air, catching Kurt’s eye. He looked upset.

“We’re going to prep you for an emergency Appendectomy. We’ll take you up for an ultrasound first to see what we are working with.”

Jane didn’t really know what to say. She hadn’t expected to hear that news. If her appendix had ruptured, there was a chance she could die. She was prepared to die, but at the hands of Sandstorm, or taking down a perp, not form something that should have been a routine medical procedure.

“We will be transferring you up to surgical shortly. From there an Orderly will take you up to Radiology. Once we have the images, we’ll get you into surgery pretty quickly after that.”

“Thank you Doctor.” Kurt said, shaking the man’s hand. Doctor Connors nodded.

“You’ll have a chance to talk to a surgeon before the procedure, so any questions you may have will be able to be answered by them.”

With that the doctor left them alone again.

Jane couldn’t bring herself to look at Kurt. Just this morning they were barely talking, and now he was her only support in a potentially life threatening medical situation. There was a part of her that wished she could call Roman and tell him what was going on. But there was no way she could do that without blowing her cover.The FBI weren’t even meant to know he existed.

“You’re going to be ok Jane.” Kurt said.

She just nodded. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t scared. Why was nothing about her life was normal? She couldn’t even get appendicitis without it becoming a life threatening situation.

“Kurt…” she said quietly, deciding she would risk him getting mad at her.

“Yes Jane?”

“I want to text Roman… I think he has a right to know what’s going on.”

Kurt pursed his lips, thinking for a minute.

“Is that wise?” he asked finally. “You could blow your cover.”

“That’s why I want to text him.” Jane replied. “I’ll tell him you’re here so he can’t come… but he’s my brother… and if…”

“You’re not going to die Jane.” Kurt said adamantly. “But if it makes you feel better texting him, then I don’t see why you can’t. Besides it will probably look more suspicious if you didn’t.”

Jane nodded. “That’s what it thought.”

Kurt pulled her phone out of his pocket. He had put it in there for safe keeping with they had undressed her.

She nodded her thanks and opened her phone, sending her brother a text.

‘I’m in hospital with a suspected ruptured appendix. Just thought I would let you know in case anything comes up.’

A moment later, Roman replied.

‘Do you want me to come?”

“No. Weller is here.’

‘I can make him leave.’

Jane smiled at that.

‘I’ll be ok. I’ll keep you updated.’

She switched her phone off, passing it back to Kurt.

“Thank you.” she said sincerely. He nodded. Roman was still her brother, even if her was a bloodthirsty terrorist.

The next hour blurred by in a flurry of activity. The orderly wheeled her up to surgical, before she was taken to radiology for her ultrasound. The technician confirmed her appendix had indeed ruptured. They sent her back to her room where Kurt was waiting.

“Well?” he asked.

“It’s ruptured.” was all she said in reply.

They sat there quietly until the Surgeon came to visit. The nurse had already been in the prep her for surgery.

“Miss Doe I’m Doctor Michaels.” she introduced herself. “I’ll be performing your Appendectomy today.”

Jane nodded, not willing to trust her voice.

“Now as you know, your appendix has ruptured., which can make this surgery a little trickier than a normal Appendectomy. I will still try and go in Laparoscopically, but there is a chance I will need to open you up. It all depends on how much damage has been done to your bowel.”

“What happens after the surgery?” Kurt asked from beside Jane.

“We’ll put you on some pretty strong antibiotics. You’ll need to receive them intravenously so you’ll be in hospital for a few days.”

At Jane’s silence the doctor asked. “Do you understand everything?”

Jane nodded.

“Yes… I’m just a little scared.” she admitted.

The doctor smiled kindly, taking her hand.

“You’re in good hands Miss Doe, if i do say so myself.”

Jane allowed a small smile.

“Do you have any questions?” Doctor Michaels asked.

Jane shook her head.

“No, thank you.”

“Ok, then. Someone will be around to collect you for theatre shortly.”

The doctor left the room and Jane shifted uncomfortably under Kurt’s stare.

“You’re going to be ok Jane.” Kurt said, and Jane wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince.

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Not five minutes later, a nurse arrived with a wheelchair to take Jane to theatre. She looked worriedly back at Kurt.

“I’ll be waiting for you when you get out.” he said. She tried to smile, but turned away. Then she was gone.

Kurt sighed. It had been a very emotionally taxing day. He had gone from dispising her, to being concerned for her life. It was sad, yet not surprising that it had taking a situation like this, to make him realise how much he still cared for her.

He pulled his phone out, deciding he should probably fill the team in with what was going on. He dialled Patterson’s number.

She picked up on the third ring.

“Weller? How’s Jane?” she asked straight away. Patterson had been the only one who had still been amicable towards Jane since her return. “You’re on speaker.”

“Her appendix ruptured.” he replied, getting straight to the point. “They’ve just taken her through for emergency surgery.”

“Is she going to be ok?” he heard Tasha ask. He suspected she was feeling very similarly to how he was.

“The doctor seems to be fairly confident.” he replied. “She’ll be in hospital for a few days.”

“Has she contacted Roman?” Nas asked.

Kurt couldn’t help but feel a stab of annoyance toward the NSA agent. All she cared about was the damn mission. Then again, up until a few hours ago, so had he been.

“She sent him a text.” he replied shortly.

“A text? What did she say?” she asked incredulously.

“She told him she was in hospital with a ruptured appendix, but not to come because I’m here.”

He heard Nas breathe a sigh of relief.

“Ok good. That should appease them for a while.”

“Keep us updated on her condition.” Patterson said, cutting off any chance Nas had at continuing.

“Will do.” he said, before disconnecting the call.

He sat down on the chair beside Jane’s empty bed. He was going to do better. To be better. She had been his friend before all of this… she had been more than a friend… and he had just thrown her to the dogs. They had all made mistakes, but he knew she was doing everything she could to try and fix hers. He hadn’t done anything. Had just treated her like dirt.

He had been blind to the mistreatment she had been giving her own body, but today’s events had his eyes wide open. He was going to help her get through this.

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Jane’s surgery took just over an hour. After she had been taken to recovery, her surgeon came to speak to Kurt.

“Everything went really well.” she informed him. “I managed to get the affected tissue out and repair the damage. There was a small split at the bottom of her bowel, but I’m confident that I’ve fixed everything.”

Kurt nodded, relief flooding his senses. He hadn’t realised how much tension he was holding, until those words allowed him to breathe again.

“Thank you doctor.” he said sincerely. “When can I see her?”

“She’ll be in recovery for a wee bit. I did end up having to open her up. We will see how she reacts when the anesthetic wears off. A lot of patients can feel quite sick after a surgery like that.”

Kurt nodded. He knew Jane was going to be upset at having yet another scar added to her already battered body.

“Now there is something I need to discuss with you.” The doctor said, choosing to sit on the bed in front of Kurt.”

“Ok?” he asked, though he knew where this was going.

“Jane is incredibly underweight.” the doctor said matter of factly. “We are going to have to start her on a treatment for malnutrition along with the antibiotics.She will have to meet with a dietician once a week.”

Kurt hung his head, knowing he had been a part of her emaciated state. He still couldn’t believe that no one had picked up on it sooner. Though she did wear baggy clothes all of the time, and he must admit, no one was exactly looking for it.

“I’ll make sure she cooperates.” he said sincerely.

“I would suggest also that maybe she sees a councillor. She’s clearly been through… a lot.” the doctor said, choosing her words carefully.

“That she has.” Kurt agreed.

Seeing that he wasn’t going to divulge any more information, the doctor stood.

“Thank you for your help with this.” she said. “Someone will bring her back to her room once she is strong enough to leave recovery.”

“Thank you.” Kurt said again, shaking her hand.

The doctor nodded.

“Just make sure she takes care of herself.” she said before leaving the room.

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It was a couple of hours before Jane was wheel back into her room. She had had a bit of trouble coming out of the anesthetic. She had woken to a vortex of dizziness and nausea. It had taken the medical staff a little while to get her vomiting under control. They of course had been worried about the violent heaving, having just had emergency surgery.

Finally the anti emetics had started working, and Jane had managed to get her stomach under control, the dizziness fading as the drug left her system.

She was mildly surprised to find Kurt still waiting in her room. She had thought that surely he had gotten bored by now and left. And yet… here he was. She couldn’t help the surge of happiness that filled her chest when she saw he was waiting for her.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, once they had her settled back in her bed.

She blew out a lungful of air.

“Better.” she said, smiling tiredly. They had informed Kurt of her struggle coming out of the anesthetic.

“Good.” he said, returning her smile. “What’s that look for?” he asked, noticing she still hadn’t stopped smiling at him.

“You’re still here.” she whispered softly. There had been a small part of her thinking that his actions today hadn’t been sincere, but the fact that he was still here had squashed that seed of doubt.

“I told you I would be.”

She nodded, staring down at her hands.

“And I’ll be there to help with your recovery too Jane.”

She looked up at him, knowing he wasn’t just talking about the surgery. The doctor had informed her that she would need to be put on a special diet to start gaining some weight and getting healthy again.

“Thank you Kurt.” she said softly.

“Of course.” he replied sincerely.

They had a long road ahead, both in her physical recovery, but also in the recovery of their friendship. The first steps had been taken, and that was more than either of them had thought would ever happen again.

I decided to put the card at to bottom, to not ruin the diagnoses. Thank you for reading! and please feel free to make requests.

#blindspot #blindspot fanfic #season 2 #jane doe #kurt weller #badthingshappenbingo #jeller

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chrobinrickhen · 5 years ago

Text

shit that happened

tw for child abuse, beating, physical assault, minor transphobia etc ///

my parents have been abusive to me my whole life. from things starting small with my mom treating me as her spouse and talking to be about things a parent shouldnt talk about with their as young as 3 year old child during times she was in fights with my dad, to while i was younger primarily beating me for simply crying at things (mainly in public places), the total and complete gaslighting of my abusive 5th grade teacher (which was somehow far worse than them lol) etc. however, they never seriously beat me before, as in, all out beating me up with continuous punches kicks and thrashing.

my mom would frequently slap me in the face or punch me once in the back at times as of recent during my years in high school where i struggled to my near (literal) hospitalization and death from mere over exhaustion and stress (i averaged less than 4-5 hours of sleep for all 4 years and my senior year i nearly didnt sleep At All) during my senior year my dad even threatened to kill me during one of my parents outbursts against me simply trying to reason (more like beg! lol!) for them to help me drop out of school because it was destroying me and was more and more traumatizing literally every day and they thought they were justified because “i was so close!” “youve already suffered for so long may as well stick it through!” despite my therapist and psychologist doing the best they can to tyr and get me out. my parents have punched a whole in the wall, thrown and broke things, (thankfully not at me) and simply just been physically threatening with destroying things important to me and my belongings.

however, after i graduated. and after i was diagnosed with ptsd. and after they seemed to become more understanding and learning from their mistakes i thought they were genuinely open to becoming better people and challenging themselves to listen to me and others.

this incidence proved that wrong.

itd been 2 years give or take i genuinely dont even remember what year i graduated lol since he threatened to kill me. i thought they changed and genuinely had formed trust with them that was slowly growing. and then somehow or another the topic of asylum seekers, ice, and the current concentration camps came up, to which my parents responded with some of the genuinely most vile words ive ever heard people say to my face. i dont even want to try and repeat it here bc im pretty sure you can get the idea. i calmly tried to talk to them, they started to scream, i went up stairs. they continued to shout horrible things to me, that again, im skipping over for my own wellbeing bc it isnt exactly fun to recount. something something “you havent sufferred through shit” she said to me at one point. yes, your child who has been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder, depression, panic disorder, ptsd, ocd, eating disorder general symptoms, a survivor of school abuse spanning my whole life for not being neurotypical and cishet, and a pending diagnosis for adhd, TOTALLY has not suffered.

anyway, i wanted to die. what they said to me, was so horrific i really just, wanted to die, i kind of lied about it on twitter saying im not actually suicidal dont worry but i highkey was and i dont wanna try and cover that up again. i just didnt want anyone to worry (IM OKAY NOW AND NOT SUICIDAL DONT WORRY this if anything was a good lesson for me to learn) anyway, i told them this. i knew it was kind of shitty and guilty but all i asked of them. is that even if they cannot agree with me, if they would at least care to listen to why this is wrong and accept that they dont know everything like they are convinced they do and yet accuse me of claiming i myself am.

i texted them, that long thing, telling them how i would stay in bed and not eat or drink (for context my sleep schedule was fucked the two days prior and i barely had eaten or drinken) my memory is fucked and i would have to check with my therapist if im confusing this with another instance bc im pretty sure the beating happened the day the argument did but i also remember staying in bed for mulitple days? but anyway thats not important fhdiujng so. they came to me and started screaming shit at me. again. horrible shit. their response to their child saying “im suicidal and would rather die than you be my parents any longer if you refuse to listen to why these people deserve to not be put in cages and die” and their reaction was not concern but screaming, insults, calling me a monster, a puppetmaster (the irony) and I DID NOT. SAY. A WORD. TO THEM. I DID NOT MOVE> i was. completely. still. the entire time. i was weak. i was sick. Literally from dehydration and starvation. and because i did not answer them back they jumped ontop of me and my mom beat the shit out of me and chokeheld me, my dad then also did the same even though he did not hit me, he came close to strangling me before leaving the room. i was swollen and bruised all over including my face it was super visible for whatever reason but my body hurt like a motherfucker for over a week since that happened. i just cried when they left

then an hour later after htey beat me they came up and starting their baby uwu act of “i dont want to fight just go shower and come down and eat your dinner blablabla you know we love you rihgt?” and forcing me to apologize to them whenmy mom literally beat me, my dad screamed in my face with his nose to mine to and they helf my neck in their hands with the intent to cause physical harm to me.

proceeding this the aftershock of trying to process what hat happened was just. a lot as you can imagine. i was so paranoid and uncomfortable the week preceeding this just being aorund them hearing their voices literally everything about my house and them living in it was horrifying to me. my therapist helped me a lot and im ok now but like. they proved to me that they really just cannot be helped. theyre a lost cause. at this point to me, the only thing they are are a financial source to cover my transition and im left with no choice but to force myself to play the puppet. i tried to do a mix of both working with and against them before and it blew up in my face. it sucks but thats what it is and as long as obey their shitty asses ill be fine. i dont know where my future will go but i know and pray that it cannot and will not be with them. the moment i am away from them and my belongings are not in their possession they no longer exist to me unless they genuinely will accept the fact theyre the 2nd reason my ptsd exists.

tl;dr my parents suck and im forced to play their child puppet in order to literally survive their love of me is toxic and based on a false perception of what a child is supposed to be and i regret not calling child protective services on them whe n i had the chance

#child abuse #abuse #tw child abuse #tw abuse #tw violence

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bi-dazai · 6 years ago

Note

Could you talk more abt double black’s romance coding if you don’t mind?

it’s just kind of a fun thing!! but anyway the fact is that there’s a lot of double entendre in all of their interactions, history, etc, to the point that as an author myself and also with the knowledge of particularly how the real life dazai osamu deconstructed heterosexual relationships…the character dazai’s relationship with the character chuuya also having such a…homoerotic edge in their dynamic, particularly in the way every fucking scene, line of dialogue, and visual imagery theyre portrayed in is very, VERY easy to pull a romantic double meaning out of…it’s just that to me as an author and by the way skk is written…like thats exactly how i would write a complex broken romantic relationship.

the way i always put it is try to imagine if one of them was a girl - particularly chuuya, because chuuya absolutely fills in the “jilted lover” to the “cool anime husbando” stereotype. there would be absolutely no doubt that the two have canon sexual tension if one of them was a girl. like it would be known and talked about p openly that, yeah, they used to date/there is a romantic/sexual aspect to their partnership, if one of them was a girl!

to me also there are two types of ships - ships that are just fun dynamics and pairings (shinsou/kaminari, atsushi/akuutagawa, mori/the firey pits of hell where paedophilies burn); and ships that have plenty of canon romantic potential, double entendre, and/or romantic dynamic that i could actually see happening in canon (think kirishima/bakugou, korra/asami, lance/keith from voltron before s7). dazai and chuuya absolutely fall very easily into that second category. to me, dazai/chuuya is more than just “oh wouldnt it be cute if they dated”, it’s more “every time these two characters interact every single thing they say and do is a double entendre”.

the scene where they first interact is literally one of the most sexually tense things in anime ive seen in ages. the way they talk about each other and worry about each other in the double black episode is much more complex and heartfelt than the way kunikida and dazai are written to talk about/to and worry about each other. kunikida and dazai have been shown to be friends and also put trust in one another, yet still hate each other. but kunikida and dazai don’t interact with the sexual tension and romantic double entendre that dazai and chuuya have. for me as an author, that would be a perfect comparative technique to highlight dazai and chuuya’s nature as something more than just a running joke of “every partner dazai has hates him”. in fact, if that even were a running joke you would know, because bsd loves to play up running jokes. but both of dazai’s partners hating him isnt meant as a joke, it’s meant as a point. literally dazai and kunikida and dazai and chuuya could have had a much more similar dynamic, with minimal differences but not so many/so dramatic in order to create a strong, bsd-style running gag and also a platonic dynamic between them. but by having kunikida hate dazai it literally stands as a comparative point against how chuuya hates him - because chuuya doesnt hate dazai in the same way kunikida does.

kunikida’s frustration with dazai is definitely more of a gag on the comparison between kunikida’s and dazai’s work ethic and personalities. chuuya’s frustration is constantly played down with the numerous times chuuya actually seeks out dazai’s affection AND is concerned for his wellbeing:

like idk if u know abt the whole sheep backstory with chuuya…but it would be perfectly reasonable to write chuuya as absolutely despising dazai. chuuya’s forced partnership with dazai is a representation of everything the port mafia did to him and his friends with sheep. yet chuuya is written as seeking out dazai’s positive attention and checking he’s okay? and this scene isnt about the port mafia and the agency - it’s about chuuya and dazai. oh, and again, some more comparison - akutagawa seeks out dazai’s positive attention, but it’s pointedly different from the way chuuya seeks it out. with chuuya it seems more about a comment on the complexity of how he feels not about dazai (as akutagawa does) but how he feels towards dazai (if you get what i mean??). akutagawa’s need for dazai to validate him is a primary motivator in the plot and in his character. compared to this, plus comparing the way kunikida and dazai interact in battle, slipping in the way chuuya and dazai express concern for each other when they interact in battle is….interesting. the warmest port mafia executive to dazai other than chuuya is kouyou, and that’s only because she is entrusting him with her surrogate daughter’s life - another primary plot point. compared to all this, it seems…somewhat domestic and pointless to have these little moments.

my final main argument for canon skk underlying romance coding is some of the visual “double entendre”. while dazai and chuuya havent exactly ever said or done anything explicitly romantic (such as kiss, admit explicit romantic feelings for each other, etc), a lot of the visual coding and the dialogue (particularly in the anime) is…pretty easy to interpret as romantic and sexual. i mean:

(dont mind the subtitles for this first one, what matters is the imagery)

(double entendre - how often do you use this in fiction outside of lovers quiffs?)

(like it isnt every day you see two anime dudes between each others legs lol)

(double entendre in this line) (also dazai doesn’t “reunite” with any other port mafioso. except maybe akutagawa, who has a dynamic just as complex but much less…”angry lover” dynamic and reunion with dazai. oh yeah. another comparison.)

like im just putting this entire scene from dead apple because it was so heavily visually romantically and sexually double entendre…like again. if one of them was a girl. dead apple is…a lot.

(also sorry for shitty quality on some of the images)

anyway some of this i know sounds like a reach but it’s honestly me just theorising from my own perspective as an author! this show is v complex and well-written, and so far there havent rly been any bits that are just…on accident?? everything is very purposeful. and a lot of the ways that kafka asagiri writes dazai and chuuya’s dynamic, dialogue, interactions, etc, are very much real writing techniques that i would use to write in a romantic pairing, especially a same-sex romantic pairing that i might not be able to be too explicit about and have to find ways to get around that. like im obvsly not saying that this is all canon and real and ive found a way into asagiri’s head, but ive just…noticed a lot of things and i think they arent rly…discussed too much in the bsd fandom?? which is disappointing cos soukoku is a rly well written and complex relationship and pairing that needs more meta!

#long post #double black #bsd #Anonymous

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mayaparker · 6 years ago

Photo

Wild and Bittersweet Honey;

@aedanthewitch, Maya and @rydenbolt all do their best to help @scarlettxruby though a painful Blood Moon.

Ruby had decided awhile ago that this was probably not the best idea she'd ever had. Her moonlight charm was a good one, strong and well-made, but the pull of the blood moon - a lunar eclipse no less - was not making this easy. It had started as Ruby feeling the usual crawling anxiousness that came with the moon's call. That she was used to. But then when the magic of the charm said 'haha nope' to her body's want to shift, that's when Ruby had started to feel ill. She'd never resisted the moon before. But she couldn't do it this time. Not the Blood Moon. She'd told Ryden she'd be riding it out at home, Maya too. Just in case. Because the feeling of wrongness, of fear, where this type of moon was concerned, was too much. She would resist, no matter what. No matter how much it hurt, no matter how much her body screamed at her to give in. She wouldn't. Not this time. By the time someone knocked on her door, she was shaking with fever, her body on fire as the magic did it's job and kept the wolf contained.

Aedan was spending the blood moon alone rattling about his house. With its new windows in and tarp on the roof, it was so much easier to deal with the inside too. But he was so damned bored. After so long working on the place all alone, it got lonely. And what with the moon the way it was, he couldn't help but think of Ruby. Especially after the Spirit ritual. [Text From Aedan to Ruby] *Image Delivered* The image contained in the text was of the red moon set upon a clear night sky from Aedan's overgrown courtyard. [Text From Aedan to Ruby] Look at that moon! Made me think of you =D

Maya knew that Ruby was trying to ride out the moon without shifting. She personally thought it wasn't a good idea, but Ruby was an adult. Of course that didn't stop her from doing research into what kind of magic might help ease the unavoidable discomfort Ruby would feel. And after several texts went unanswered Maya showed up on Ruby's doorstep, magical chocolates in hand.

Ruby heard her phone ping from where it was somewhere under the covers nearby. Blearily, she pulled it out and saw the text from Aedan. She smiled despite herself, and sent off a couple of texts in return, though it took her a minute. [Text From Ruby to Aedan] hey u. [Text from Ruby to Aedan] did it?

Ruby also saw the texts from Maya, and scrolled over, squinting at her phone. [Text from Ruby to Maya] not dead. [Text from Ruby to Maya] 💗

[Text From Aedan to Ruby] Yeah. [Text From Aedan to Ruby] You're the only person I would think of. Especially after telling you that story with the Spirit and the Celt.

Maya's phone went off as she raised her hand to knock on Ruby's front door. She pulled it out to see that Ruby had finally texted her back. Rolling her eyes, but glad that her friend was okay, Maya shouted, "Too bad I'm already here."

Ruby smiled, though she had to set the phone down for a second as she felt ill again. But it passed about the time she heard Maya's voice from downstairs. Ruby groaned. "M'fine..." she said, not that Maya could hear her. She blinked at her phone again, the words blurring slightly as she replied to Aedan. {txt} I like that story.

[Text From Aedan to Ruby] I'm glad. I got a present for you when we next hang. Aedan stepped back into his house and idly ran his fingers over the half-bound leather book that he was still working on.

Ruby hummed, smiling still despite how bad she felt.

[Text from Ruby to Aedan] prestne? rly? [Text from Ruby to Aedan] bday's not til may. [Text from Ruby to Aedan] beltane.

Maya waited for a moment, but heard no noise from inside the house. She rolled her eyes again. If Ruby hadn't already texted her back she would've been more worried, but since Ruby had Maya knew that the woman was inside and probably just sick as a dog. A pun intended. Maya tried the door and found it open. "I know you're like the Big Bag Wolf now, but you can't leave your door unlocked," she said as she walked in, closing and locking the door behind her. Not seeing Ruby in the living room she made her way up to Ruby's bedroom. Standing in the doorway, and seeing Ruby in her nest of blankets, she put a hand on her hip, "So this idea looks like its going super well for you?"

Ruby growled (quite literally) at Maya's voice. "'S'fine." She buried herself a bit further under the covers.

[Text From Aedan to Ruby] A present indeed. But it's not for your bday! Just a wee silly thing to make your day. Aedan settled on his dust-sheet covered Rococo armchair (which he didn't think would suit the rest of the place once it was all done), and turned his focus to finishing the bind of the book.

Maya shook her head although Ruby couldn't see it. She heard the growl too and knew that her own tone was probably playing with fire. "I come bearing gifts if that helps," she said, not yet moving into the room.

Ruby's growl turned into a groan as her head throbbed madly. "A sledgehammer? To bash my head in?" In the sudden wave of pain that rippled through her, Ruby forgot to send a text back to Aedan, and ended up knocking her phone underneath the bed.

Maya laughed. "Well, how about you try this chocolate first and then we'll see if I need to go pick up a sledgehammer," she said and finally crossed over to sit on corner of the bed

Aedan knew people had better things to do than text every five minutes, so he simply thought she'd gotten herself distracted by something. He used the time to continue his work on her present.

"How 'bout you get the hammer first... got one out back..." Ruby's voice was muffled from beneath the covers, and she barely moved when Maya sat down.

Maya tugged at Ruby's blankets. "How about you sit up like a big girl, try this and while we see if it works I'll pop down and grab the hammer?" she asked. In the back of her mind she knew the tone was probably a bad idea. Not as bad as Ruby deciding a blood moon was the best time to try her first attempt at not shifting, but still a bad one.

Ruby would've snatched back on the blankets, but she couldn't muster the strength. She also might've used her feet to shove Maya off her bed in a fit of pique, but she also couldn't find the energy. "You're such a bitch..." Ruby murmured to herself (not really meaning it, of course), but stuck her hand out from under the blanket for the chocolate."'S'my phone?" she asked suddenly, realizing it wasn't there.

"You think that's news to me?" Maya asked with playfulness in her voice. She put one of the chocolates in Ruby's hand. "Not sure," she replied, "Probably dropped it." As she said it she got up to search and found it easily under the bed. "So need to text someone else back that you're not dead or is it something more?" she teased even as she dropped the phone back beside Ruby's head.

A noise scraped against the shingles of the roof right above Ruby's bedroom window. At first, it was a heavy thud landing above their heads, a dull bang against the ceiling and then a dragging sound of something heavy walking, or rather, creeping carefully over the slanted rooftop until it became a shadow outlined against the windowpane behind Ruby's bedroom curtains. A large, looming shadow now looking for an ajar window to go through.

Ruby just snorted again and took the chocolate. It started to melt in her hand as hot as she currently was, so she ate it without much hesitation, grimacing at how dry her throat was. She had to uncover herself a bit to get to her phone, not answering Maya's question.

[Text From Ruby to Aedan] ty. [Text From Ruby to Aedan] im not ded btw. Ruby was about to send another text off to Aedan, when the sound of something on her roof took her attention. The text got cutoff midway-- [Text from Ruby to Aedan]I'm ju- - --as Ruby pushed to her elbow. A moment later, she groaned a fell back on the bed. "Use the door!"

[Text from Aedan to Ruby] You're not dead? Why? What's wrong? [Text from Aedan to Ruby] Do you need a charm or tea or something? [Text from Aedan to Ruby] Ruby? Is this a mark thing?

Maya snorted, "I'll take that as something more." She was distracted by whatever other teasing she might've done, by a loud thud above her head. Looking up she frowned, trying at first to write it off. But the dragging sound was hard to write off. She turned just in time to see a shadow appear outside Ruby's window. In contrast to Ruby's nonchalance Maya's heart skipped several beats before going into overdrive. At least until she recognized Ryden. Opening the window for him she said, "For fuck's sake, dude, have you heard of knocking?" as she tried to get her heartbeat under control.

When she realized it was just Ryden, Ruby wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or what. This had been a dumb idea she knew. To try this for the first time during such a powerful moon. But it scared her too much to lose control again. Or whatever had happened last time. She'd glanced at her phone again, seeing that she'd made Aedan worry, but before she could reply something twisted in her gut, doubling her over and whiting out her vision as she cried out. Her phone fell to the floor, forgotten.

With the panic setting in about Ruby's wellbeing, Aedan had to force himself to wait for a reply for more than five minutes. It just so happened that while he was waiting, he was also packing some things into a rucksack. If she didn't reply within the hour, he'd find her house to check on her.

Slipping into the room through the window as nimbly and stealthily as only a supernatural creature could, Ryden seemed a bit... odd. Though that was a major understatement. His eyes had adopted that otherworldly quicksilver glow and every source of light reflected around his pupils like moonlight against still water. He was brimming with some kind of electric energy and a witch would be able to feel it right to the bone. There was also something off with his posture as well. Usually slouching, now he had a sort of straight-spine dexterous elegance to him. It was a full moon after all and although his body wasn't shifting, his mind wasn't entirely his own. A wolf in a human body was a strangely mysterious, fascinating presence and Ryden, although not born a wolf, wore it like his favorite sweater. It almost fit him better than being himself. Glancing at Maya, he reached back and knocked on the windowpane, just to make up for not knocking before. Passing her by, he stood at the foot of Ruby’s bed just as she shrunk in on herself in writhing pain. A low growl bubbled out of Ryden’s lungs as he crawled onto the bed. He still didn’t know how, but he’d felt Ruby was in pain, even from a distance away. He didn’t question it – instincts weren’t there to be questioned. So when it became too intense to ignore, he came to her as if on a call and a locked front door obviously couldn’t stop him.

Maya got about halfway through rolling her eyes at Ryden for his belated knock when Ruby screamed from behind them. It registered with her, faintly, that there was something different about Ryden, but her mind dismissed that information for now. Her heart rate kicked back up as she whirled around. "Fuck," she said and moved around to crouch beside Ruby's head. "I think you gotta shift dude," she said softly, "I can't imagine this is better."

It had been five minutes or thereabout so Aedan sent another text, desperate to know if she was okay. [Text From Aedan to Ruby] Ruby? Seriously, is there anything I can do? [Text From Aedan to Ruby] Please reply asap. Or I'm coming over.

Ruby didn't know what was wrong, but it felt like someone had shoved a white-hot blade through her guts and out through her spine. The ring on her right hand flared white-hot, and the smell of burning flesh rose in the air as the magic of the charm pushed back against the magic of Maya's remedy. Ruby's scream turned to an almost animal-like wail, and her nails ripped into her mattress just as Ryden crawled towards her. The pain was like nothing she'd ever felt, and Ruby had lived through some hellish nightmare situations. She grabbed for Ryden as he came close, fingers twisting against whatever fabric they could find as she panted through the wave of anguish. She registered Maya, but shook her head, a buzzing sound rising in her ears.

Ryden’d immediately reached out to her, taking her into his arms and gathering her up against him even as her fingers dug into the fabric of his short-sleeved shirt, which was the only top he had on despite the cold night outside. He left Rein’s place in a rush, on an instinctive whim, and forgot to put his jacket and shoes on. But cold never bothered a werewolf anyway. He held her tight, pulling her onto his lap, as if wrapping his arms around her would protect her from whatever was hurting her inside.

After another long time of no replies, Aedan swore to himself and hopped his motorcycle. If she was in danger, he had to check. He sped to her address and felt his heart race when he heard screams carry through the night.

Maya froze as Ryden pulled Ruby onto his lap. She took a second to assess how likely she was to get her head bitten off if she tried to do anything. What she had noticed about Ryden earlier was sinking in. But her own protective instinct was stronger than her self preservation. Carefully she sat on the edge of the bed and brushed Ruby's hair off her forehead, a small electric jolt passing between them as she did so. "Tell me you got some kind of potion or something downstairs?" she asked, an undercurrent of hopelessness in her voice. Obviously her attempt at helping had either done nothing or, she worried, it had made things worse.

Ruby clung to Ryden, her cries muffled as she turned her face into his neck. Her nails cut into him, digging in as tightly as the fire twisting deep in her gut. Her body writhed, like an animal in a trap, but Ryden held her fast. The pain rolled on, over and over again until Ruby felt like she'd surely die. She might have begged Ryden to kill her at one point, when she felt the fire rise to her chest and squeeze her heart like a vice. Squeezing the breath out of her for a long moment before it released her with a suddenness that had her sagging agaisnt him. "Make it stop..." she sobbed weakly, but whether she was speaking to Ryden or Maya was beyond her.

When Aedan got to the house, there was no mistaking who it was that was screaming. He tried knocking but there was no way it could be heard over Ruby's voice. And he didn't want to leave anymore time, so his patience was obliterated. Without invitation, Aedan entered through the unlocked back door and ran upstairs. “Ruby?” He opened the bedroom door to see a mess of a scene. He almost didn't notice Ruby, concealed in a mass of muscle and tattoo.

Ruby smelled him before she heard him. Peppermint and old stone. No... no, not like this... she didn't want him to see this. "Maya..." Ruby pleaded as Aedan's scent grew stronger. She couldn't let him get hurt because of her…

“Shhh…” Ryden hushed her when she begged, her nails into his skin not even registering. Practically the moment they’d rip a tear into his skin, it would heal, so this hindrance wasn’t worth his attention. “Breathe.” He spoke calmly into her ear, voice unusually flat and composed even as his arms squeezed her tighter. As almost everything Ryden did since he was bitten, he had no clue why he did it or how exactly it worked. But his instincts were almost always completely right and accurate. He never meditated in his life – he didn’t believe in energies, chakras, whatever – couldn’t keep still to save his life. But something told him to breathe with her, open up a hidden door inside him and let her pain pass through it, take some of it from her to make it easier. And it… seemed to work. He started feeling what she was feeling and it was horrible. He wouldn’t be able to take it all away – not now, when he was still unsure how this peculiar skill he had worked, but he could share some of the burden, provide comfort and warmth, security of a pack member being there to lick another’s wounds clean. It wouldn’t heal the wound, but it would numb it, maybe stop the bleeding. “Breathe.” He repeated, gently rocking her now. Aedan entering the room was yet another thing that didn’t register.

It was hard to tell what was happening, but what Aedan could see was a woman he cared for being restrained after tonnes of screaming. “Let go of her,” he said, not noticing Maya on the bed.

Maya didn't know what she should do. "It's going to be okay, alright?" she said softly. Gently, she brushed Ruby's damp hair off her forehead again, hoping that at the very least her touch might be comforting. As she did so she felt something akin to a low electricity pass between them, but didn't pay it much mind. Instead Maya's expression broke into guilt and sorrow at Ruby's pleading of her name. It was an expression quickly replaced by confusion as she turned at the sound of someone's voice behind her. She stood immediately, putting herself between the wolves on the bed and Aedan at the door. "Aedan, it's fine. They're pack buddies," she said.

“So what was that screaming? What's wrong with her?” Aedan set his rucksack down to try find something to help her.

Later, Ruby would look back and wonder why she had ever been so afraid of the red moon. Surely this was worse than anything that could happen to her. It wasn't like she remembered it anyway. But no other moon had ever frightened her before, other than her first one. But gods above, this was like death. This was worse than death... death was cold. Death was nothingness. This was pain and agony and magic rebelling against magic holding back even stronger magic. And removing her charm would either make it better, or make it 1000 times worse. So she tried to focus on Ryden's voice, the deep rumble of it in her ear. The smell of the Other he carried with him, inside him and around him and over his skin. "I... can't..." she stuttered, coughing and shuddering against him. But he kept up his mantra ,and eventually, after feeling like she'd been flayed to the bone, Ruby felt her breath catch in her throat. She moaned again, but her eyes fluttered shut as Ryden started to rock rock, and as Maya's cool fingers touched her forehead.. The pain was there, very present and white hot as ever, but bearable now. "'M sorry..." she murmured between breathes. ""m'so sorry..."

Maya shrugged, shaking her head helplessly. "I don't know," she replied, "She's trying not to shift and I brought over some shit I thought would help. But..." She trailed off shaking her head again. "But point remains, I wasn't completely convinced Ryden wasn't going to bite my hand off for getting too close and he sleeps in my bed sometimes, so I'll take any suggestions on how to help with you over there," Maya said, not moving from where she stood in between Aedan and the bed.

With Ruby calming down even for a little, Ryden gathered her up, hooking an arm under her knees, the other against her back. He was carefully picking her up from the bed.

Aedan felt lost. He'd never seen Ruby like this. Vulnerable and terrified. “I- A painkiller maybe?” He didn't know why he felt a pang when he saw how Ryden was treating her. How close they were... It wasn't Aedan's place to be jealous.

Ruby’s skin burned. Like she was on fire. The magic raging inside her was exacting a price, and that price was pain. Hers and that of the people she cared for. She would be mortified and ashamed once she recovered.

"Right because none of us thought of that," Maya replied in a sharp tone that Aedan didn't deserve. Hearing movement from behind her she turned again to see Ryden picking Ruby up. "And where are you going?" she asked, tone still sharp, but concerned as well.

Carrying Ruby bridal style and slipping off the bed, Ryden looked very much like a beast turned human with his sleeveless shirt and bare feet, come to take the troubled maiden away. At Maya's voice, he gave her a cold, indifferent stare of an animal who didn't care much for explaining itself to humans. "Out. To shift. Night calls." His eyes reflected light like a predator in the dark as his gaze slipped to Aedan, finally noticing a stranger in the room.

Aedan held his hands up with the look of annoyed resignation. Even with Maya's obvious denial of the painkiller, he continued digging for something to help Ruby. He found a jar of honey filled with herbs and flowers, “Here. This- this might help.” Aedan didn't notice Ryden's gaze.

"No..." Ruby tried to protest as Ryden picked her up. Even if it was probably the best idea, and she trusted him, she didn't trust herself. Not like this…

"Not yet," Maya said, moving to stand in Ryden's way. She hoped that Aedan would have an idea. Ruby had said she didn't want to shift, which meant that Maya would do what she could to help her. Even if it meant having to see Ruby in pain. She nodded in Aedan's direction, still looking at Ryden, "Let's try what he's got first okay? It's what she wants. Dumb as it might be."

Aedan straightened up and approached with the jar. “It's a druid recipe,” he said, as if that might convince a terrifying tattooed man to leave Ruby to her wishes.

Ryden paused when Ruby protested, studying her face for a moment before he pressed his forehead against hers in a gentle attempt to wordlessly persuade her. He looked back up at Maya as she stood in his way - which was not a smart thing to do when the blood moon was full. "Who?" He asked, tilting his head in Aedan's direction - a very inhuman gesture but it screamed distrust.

Aedan was a self-proclaimed idiot and didn't notice how Ryden looked at him. All he could think of was how Ruby was in pain. And what this man was trying to do was completely against her will.

The ring on Ruby's hand burned, starting to glow as it worked to resist the ever-encroaching pull of the moon, and the animal that scratched and clawed beneath Ruby's skin, wanting out. She opened her eyes when Ryden paused, the blue gone and only crimson remaining. "Please..." she asked. "Try..." The tone of her voice was such that it told Ryden that if this didn't work then he could take the ring from her hand and let the moon have her.

Maya could see Aedan coming closer with the jar out of the corner of her eye. She couldn't help the way her heart rate picked up. While she knew that it wasn't a smart move to put herself in Ryden's way at this moment she trusted that he wouldn't hurt her. Whether or not that was rational was its own whole question. She didn't trust him not to hurt Aedan if his instincts told him he had to. "I know," she said with a tight throat, watching Ryden press his forehead to Ruby's. She hated to see her friend in pain. "He's a friend," she answered and reached out to take the jar from Aedan without looking away from the wolf in front of her. She was sure it was the wolf in front of her.

Ryden growled lowly at Ruby's plea. He wasn't trusting the stranger. But then again, there were few who Ryden trusted. And he tried to connect to Ruby, to speak to her without words, as they would when they would shift. But her wishes were shutting him out and it unnerved him. Ryden the human was a friendly, chatty, loud sort of creature. His wolf was a complete opposite - reclusive, careful, solitary. And it didn't like more than one person around him. The energy the full moon filled him with crackled with annoyance about him. He bared his canines at the jar being passed around.

Ruby would have to explain later, if Aedan still wanted to speak to her after tonight, that Ryden was only doing what instinct told him to do. That he wasn't trying to force her or make her do something against her will. Ryden would never do that. It was the wolf. The wolf knew what needed to happen, just like Ruby's wolf did. Even if the human side of her was too idiotic to let it.

"Yeah, I'd stay back by the door," Maya said, finally turning to face Aedan for a moment. She then turned back to Ryden. Slowly she opened the jar and held it out for him to sniff. "You can try it first if you want, but it's what Ruby wants. You know it's what she wants, even if it's wrong," she said.

Ryden's growl tugged at something inside Ruby. The wolf lurched against the magic holding it back, and she growled in return as she felt his unease, and the urge to protect him rose from out of nowhere.

Aedan relented his jar to Maya but refused to completely leave Ruby's side. He wanted more than anything to see if he had helped her with it. And given the nature of her mark and new spiritual discoveries in the past weeks, he didn't know how that would affect this. Though, he did step back from Ryden to keep from being gutted.

Maya turned to Aedan again when he didn't go far. She did it slowly, without any sudden movements. "Could one person in this room please listen to me?" she asked, "I know you want to help, but I need you to do it from over there."

“And if she's allergic to the honey? I know how to treat it but I can't from the corner of the room,” Aedan asked.

Ruby had never done this before: been around others when she and Ryden were shifted. Or in the process. She'd been around Maya before as a wolf but never during the moon. This was perhaps why. Ryden was pack. He was Other. Alpha. Whether his human side wanted to be or not. And Ruby's wolf would listen to him. But Maya was pack too. At least to Ruby. And Aedan was... he was so much more than that.

Ryden tilted his head curiously at the offered jar, but he was more curious about the person holding it rather than the jar itself. Maya he did trust and she was very wise to not make any sudden moves. He didn't sniff at the offered item and instead, carefully crouched down so he could lay Ruby down onto the floor. Whatever they were planning to give Ruby, best do it quickly, before Ryden changed his mind. He was as tense as a bowstring, ready to shoot at the slightest sound. He remained kneeling, hovering over Ruby's weak, pained form, answering her growl with fussy sniffs against the top of her head.

Ruby groaned as Ryden lay her down, unwilling to let go of him just yet. Her fingertips were bloodied from where they'd dug into his skin over and over even as he'd healed, and her skin flamed. The ring glowed, and Ruby fought the urge to claw it off her finger. Ryden's fussiness was met with a low sound that wasn't a growl,but something different. A sound that meant she was alright. She hurt, but she was alright.

Maya let out a breath, "That I also know how to help with. We had to deal with allergy attacks all the time at the group home." She turned back at the sound of Ryden moving. Ignoring Aedan for a moment she knelt carefully beside Ruby. "Alright," she said, "I'm going to need you to sit up for me for a minute." As gently as she could she propped Ruby up enough to take a sip from the jar. She spoke softly too the whole time, nonsense about how it was all going to be okay.

Aedan felt powerless. Useless. He ran his hands through his hair and back down his face with a grumble. He wanted to help Ruby so much. That's how they'd met in the first place. She had needed him. And now she needed something he couldn't give her.

Ruby drank from the jar as it was lifted to her lips. The honey was sweet, and after a few seconds Ruby reached a hand up to grip the jar over Maya's. There was a slow feeling of euphoria that washed over her, and whether the draught negated whatever magic was at war with the magic of the charm, or just numbed things alltogether, Ruby couldn't say. She drank greedily, perhaps too much, and when she finally released the jar her mouth was stained with honey, as where her chin and neck where it had run down her skin.

Hovering over her, Ryden watched her drink, expression calm but anxious to see her reaction and confirm if this helped.

The fire in her belly started to ease, drawing to a point on her hip that flared brightly: her mark. But that was a feeling she was used to. A feeling Ruby knew wasn't meant to be pain. But something else. When she opened her eyes this time the red had started to recede. Her hand raised Ryden's face, and she tilted her forehead against him, making a small sound that said she was alright. Her other hand she held out towards Aedan, towards the silhouette she could see against a backdrop of stars. "'s'alright... won't hurt you..." she beckoned, unsure if he would come close or not.

Maya heaved a sigh of relief. Her shoulders slumped. "Oh thank God," she breathed. She made no move to stand or go anywhere. Instead her eyes closed as her brain processed what had happened. When she opened them again a moment later they were watery. It didn't take a genius to realize that the chocolate she'd brought, now abandoned on the bed, had made Ruby's pain worse. Maya blinked a few times, hoping that every in the room would still be too focused on Ruby to notice her momentary almost tears.

Aedan felt a wave of relief and approached, not needing Ruby's assurance she'd not hurt him. He didn't care about his own safety when he'd heard those screams and saw her pain. “Ruby…”

"No..." Ruby said to Maya, still leaned back against her. "Not you, hm? 's'good magic... yours." Her words were a bit disjointed, but Ruby hoped she got her point across that it hadn't been Maya's chocolate's, but the ring itself, that had caused the pain.

Ryden closed his eyes briefly at Ruby's touch, her reassurance enough to put him at ease. Without much joy or reaction at all, because he wasn't quite human enough for human reactions and expressions, he retreated, standing up to pad on bare, dirty feet over to a sofa in the room, which he'd climbed to perch on its headrest, one leg folded under him. He sat there, overlooking the room, a quiet, vigilant spectator now that the danger was over.

The moment Ryden was less terrifying and less 'on Ruby', Aedan finally knelt beside her and took her hand, “Ruby, oh God.”

"Shhhh," Maya replied, running her fingers through Ruby's hair, "You don't have to talk. It's okay." She swallowed thickly and tried to discreetly wipe an escaped tear from the corner of her eye. After another blink she moved out of Aedan's way. She moved to sit on the bed, knowing that Aedan would need to check Ruby himself and wanting to give them both space for that. Maya looked over at Ryden and nodded, saying without words that she appreciated his letting them help.

Ruby let Ryden go, feeling his ease now that the Druid's magic had calmed her. It wasn't the same a witch magic, she'd learned. So perhaps that was what had made the difference. Maybe they would never know. But Ruby was certain that none of this was Maya's fault. It was hers, and no one else's. She could only tip her head against Maya's cheek, much as she had done Ryden, as Maya moved away. "I’m sorry...." was all she could say as Aedan knelt beside her. "I'm so sorry..."

When Maya's and Ryden's eyes met, there was definitely recognition in his silver orbs. He was gone enough to be a different person, yes, but not too gone to not have kept at least a part of himself. Another different thing Maya would notice were army tags hanging around his neck like a necklace - something he never wore before. The item most definitely exuded magic, the kind that would keep him from shifting fully - his own personalized moon charm.

“Why are you apologising, Ruby?” Aedan ran his thumbs over her knuckles, “You should never apologise for something like this.” He held her hand close to his chest, “God, are you feeling better, now?” He could see she was, but he needed it in words.

Maya might've done a fair number of stupid things tonight, but she wasn't an idiot. Ryden wasn't Ryden at the moment. At least not the one she was used to, which was why she had sat on the bed and not next to him. Her eyes caught the chain around his neck and she frowned. Without the pressing concern of Ruby's pain to worry about it was easy for her to put two and two together. "Are you doing okay?" she asked him, watching carefully as she waited for Ryden to answer. He didn't seem to be in as much pain as Ruby had been, but she also knew him well enough to know he probably wouldn't show it unless he had to.

It was times like these that Ruby felt like she was cursed. That no matter what happened, no matter how much she grew or learned or recognized about herself, that she would always always hurt the people she cared about. If not physically, then... well. Like this. She blinked past the sting in her eyes, wondering why he wasn't hightailing it the hell outta Dodge. "I'm... because I hurt people. It's what I do." She swallowed. "But... yeah. It's better." She smiled at him, squeezing his hand.

“You're acting as if you hurt someone tonight. You didn't! Not at all,” Aedan reached over to run his fingers through her hair to soothe her, “I was just scared you were in pain.”

Ruby wanted so badly to protest. It was habit. Or had been. Taking the blame on herself for anything that went unexpectedly. But she couldn't bring herself to dispute him. So she just nodded. But as far as the pain went. "I was," she told him truthfully. "It felt like... I can't even say." She would have to shift now, she knew. Or else the pain could come back. She glanced at Ryden, at quietly on his perch, and wordlessly tried to tell him that she would go with him now if he wished it. Even if she wanted to stay here.

Eerie, reflective eyes directed themselves at Maya when she spoke and for a moment, half immersed into the shadow of the corner he scooted over to, it seemed like Ryden would jump out like a monster from the dark to eat everyone's faces off. But instead, he grinned widely at Maya, showing full rows of unnaturally white, straight teeth. There were too many of them though and they practically glowed with how white and perfect they were. The sharp canines poked against his bottom lip. "Hey cupcake girl." He purred, finally showing some real recognition of Maya. Then he glanced over at the other pair, hunching over to rest his elbows on his knees. "Bullshit, drama queen." That one was directed at Ruby and her whining. "Wanna know who hurts people? Look back here." His sharp grin was directed at Aedan with those words.

Aedan was soothing Ruby when he heard Ryden speak. Why did those words send a shiver down his spine? He didn't dare look behind him, instead he focused on petting Ruby's hair. “I'm sorry I didn't know, Ruby. I'd have helped sooner.”

Maya knew enough of werewolves to not be scared of Ryden, to not think him a monster. She got the strangest feeling that he wasn't exactly like Carson or Ruby or even Officer Baer. But she couldn't put a finger on why. She smiled though, taking his words and smile as a yes that he was doing okay. She too looked over at Ruby when the woman tried to claim that she hurt people. "Wolf man over here didn't even bite anyone. We're all fine, no one hurt," she said, half serious, half teasing. Shaking her head at Ryden she added, "Hey, play nice with the guy who actually fixed the problem."

Ruby growled at Ryden over Aedan's shoulder, but only to let him know she didn't agree with what he said what he said about himself. "There's nothin' you could've done," Ruby told Aedan. "I should've just shifted and been done with it." She didn't say anything to alleviate any fear the Druid had towards Ryden, her wolf unable to challenge him over mere words.

"I'd give 'um a medal for it but I ran out." Ryden's baritone rumbled sarcastically, settling more comfortably on the sofa's headrest. It was pretty amazing how he balanced on it.

Aedan continued to try and ignore the threat of Ryden's rudeness, focusing on Ruby, “Well, maybe. But the honey could've helped sooner. Is there- there anything else I can do to prevent it? I have to admit, I've only done a wee bit of reading on werewolves.”

Ruby shook her head. "No. Any normal moon wouldn't have done this. A blood moon..." Ruby frowned. "It's too strong. He's been a wolf longer than me." She tilted her head towards Ryden. "So it don't affect him the same way when he wears a charm."

“Right because your whole YA fantasy cover was so helpful," Maya almost snapped. With the relief ebbing away, she felt on edge again. For the last couple of days she'd felt herself creeping towards it and knew it was probably only going to get worse. Not that she planned on admitted that. Instead she closed her eyes again and shook her head. A voice that sounded suspiciously like Ryden's in her head reminded her not to get worked up about things that hadn't even happened yet.

Ryden gave Maya a raised eyebrow look then dismissed her moment of almost snapping. He shrugged casually when Ruby explained he wasn't affected the same because he'd been a wolf for a longer time. Because who knew and whatever. He wasn't about to question it. He was just glad his own charm worked, well, like a charm.

Ruby wasn't going to tell Aedan that Ryden didn't trust witches much, other than Maya. Or much of anything related to the other wolf. It wasn't her story to tell is all. She flexed the hand that she wore her charm on. "I'm gonna find this witch and punch her in the fuckin' face though..." she said, tryin' to lighten the mood.

Aedan gave an uncomfortable chuckle, “Never punch a witch. You should know that by now.”

Ryden chuckled at that, "Yeah, don't punch. Slit their throat. Can't cast a spell if they can't talk, yeah."

Part of Maya wanted to go and sit next to Ryden, but she didn't. Not tonight at least. Thoughts a little more clear she turned to pay better attention to Ruby, which she was what she should've been doing. "Yeah, not unless I get to her first," she muttered more to herself.

"Never punch a witch that don't deserve it," Ruby countered. "He's kiddin'... mostly," she said, glancing at Ryden and then back to Aedan.

Ryden’s toothy grin said that he was everything but kidding.

Aedan bristled, suddenly feeling a pang of unease, “I meant that if you upset a witch... It was just supposed to be a stereotype. don't worry.”

"Good thing you're not a witch, hm?" Ruby whispered, leaning close, still holding onto his hand. "I know what you meant..." she reassured him quietly.

Maya sighed. She had been worried about the physical damage that Ryden might cause Aedan while they both tried to help Ruby. She hadn't even thought of the potential emotional damage. This time she did get up, cross the room and sit on the same couch as Ryden "At least pretend like you're trying to play nice," she said giving him a very light swat on the arm.

“Problem is, most people can't tell the difference,” Aedan replied.

"I can," Ruby told him. "And now they know too," she said of Maya and Ryden. What the others would do with that information, Ruby couldn't say.

"But I ain't nice." Ryden said flatly, catching Maya's wrist before the swat landed. But he didn't grip hard and he was grinning. He let her wrist go the next second. "So, where'd ya get that junk charm?" he asked Ruby, glowing eyes glancing down to their joined hands. He put two and two together instantly.

"Witch in Grisielle," Ruby said, glancing at Ryden. "I should've gone to someone I knew. Like Faye or Damek or... somebody..."

"Bullshit," Maya replied as if it were as much a fact as how many eggs needed to go into a cake. She turned her attention though to Ruby and Aedan while putting her hand back in her lap. "You still can," she said to Ruby, "If you ever think this is the route you want to go again after tonight."

"Yeah. Ya should've." Ryden didn't sugarcoat it, as usual, but he also knew that saying I told you so wasn't exactly productive. So that was where he left it and he wouldn't say it twice. Everyone had the right to learn things the hard way once. He settled back, bulky tattooed arms crossing over broad chest. He snapped his teeth playfully at Maya at her comment.

"I know..." Ruby said to the both of them. She'd definitely be getting a better charm. But as for not shifting again, she wasn't sure. This had been... a singular experience. "Are you alright?" she said to Aedan, realizing that she hadn't asked him that yet.

Maya spared a glance over at Ryden on the other side of the sofa. "Should've said I like it when you're not nice. Wouldn't have been able to argue on that one," she teased. She turned back to Ruby and Aedan though, wanting to make sure they were both okay. Even if he wasn't she doubted Ryden would admit it, especially not in mixed company.

Like Maya, Ruby knew better than to ask Ryden outright if he was alright. He was... better... than he had been when he first arrived - she could tell that just by the scent he put off - but there were still things that flittered about under his skin. Running and crawling this way and that. She felt the same way. Though whatever was in the honey she'd drank still had her feeling a bit high as well.

Ryden barked out a loud laugh at what Maya had to say but otherwise didn't comment further. Instead, he interrupted the other couple again. "You tell me when you ready." He put that thought out there for Ruby because he was pretty sure that the healthiest thing she could do right now is get out there and actually shift.

Maya nodded, "He's right. You should probably go before we're back where we started. I'll make sure Aedan gets home."

Ruby nodded at Ryden and Maya, grateful to the both of them for different reasons, before turning back to Aedan. "You can stay here if you want... both of you." Maya too. "It's late and... well... I've got plenty of booze."

'”'m fine, Ruby,” Aedan stood, “'I'll call you in the morning, okay?” He turned to Maya, “I came by bike. I'm fine.”

Ruby watched him leave, unsure what she felt other than... the sudden urge to run and run and run. "I'm ready..." she told Ryden, standing and brushing herself off.

"Please do," Maya said to Aedan. She gave Ruby smile, "Oh don't worry I know how to help myself to your booze. But I'll probably head home too."

Ruby nodded. "Be careful, okay?" She didn't wait for Ryden, making her way downstairs and out the front door after she heard Aedan's bike drive away. The moon was dark and red and looming, and Ruby looked up at at, hating it for the first time in a long time.

"Hell yeah." Ryden readily jumped off the sofa but before he walked away, eager to just go and finally shift, he gave a lick to Maya's cheek. "Bye cupcake." Walking over to the same window he came through, he pulled his shirt off, leaving it on the floor. And with that, he was gone through the window, nimbly maneuvering down Ruby's roof.

Ruby pulled off her useless ring, held it in her hand briefly before tossing it into the bushes. By the time she pulled off her clothes, she could already feel the pull of the moon. It hurt when she shifted, but Ruby was glad for it. At least until she could no longer remember who she was, other than the White Wolf. She stood in her front yard and waited for the Other.

Maya nodded to Ruby, "I will. See you later." As for Ryden's goodbye she wiped her cheek, laughing. "See you later, werido," she called after him as she shut the window. After giving the two wolves enough time to wander off she made her way downstairs and out the front door, locking it behind her.

#wild and bittersweet honey #ryden bolt #aedan o'ruaidh #ruby devereaux

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