#or feel so attached to this community that i feel like i have to say something yknow

[morlock-holmes]

So, people explaining that AI isn't "real art" bother me, not so much because of the answer they reach but because most of the people saying it isn't seem to romanticize not just commercial art production, but also bizarrely to romanticize AI as well, in ways that bother me for subtle reasons I want to try to articulate.

So, first of all, I personally don't think fine art will be changed much by AI.

"What if the artist isn't directly producing the art but instead letting some process create it?"

Convergence by Jackson Pollock, 1952

"What if the so called "artist" is merely rearranging and recontextualizing something that already exists?"

"What if the artist outsources a tremendous amount of work?"

Cambell's Soup Can, Andy Warhol, 1968

The fine art world already confronted these questions and answered between 1912 and, what, 1980 at the latest maybe?

My point here is not to assert the artistic worth of these paintings but to assert their undeniable importance to 20th century art history.

Nobody paying thousands of dollars for a traditional painting on canvas is going to buy an AI version because it's cheaper; such people are already paying a premium for artistic technique and cultivated human talent.

Or, alternatively, I have absolutely no doubt that people would pay a lot for an AI project with, I don't know, Banksy's name on it, even if it was made with freely available, open source tools, because in other cases people are paying for, essentially, a name.

The fine art community already confronted the questions raised by AI art and we're already on the other side of that confrontation. Statistically, the large battles being waged over these issues already finished before you were born.

The actually (potentially) endangered part of the art world is the commercial art world.

Not fine art, but art produced as part of an essentially commercial process in large part under the direction of other people. Fan Art, scripts for films, stock footage, key art used for commercial campaigns, pulp fiction cover illustrations, etc.

And, first of all, the reason that you can be so romantically attached to low-brow, heavily commercial art in the way that you are without feeling utterly absurd about it is Marcel Duchamp's Fountain and the works of Andy Warhol, so maybe have a bit more respect for them and their place in history if you are going to romanticize commercial art production.

Second, because it is those things that are threatened, defenses of human art against AI tend to have this kind of implicit view that the things which characterize commercial pop art are the most important characteristics of art. There is something about this that kind of bothers me for reasons I have trouble bringing up.

Okay, like, one I just watched a YouTube video where the creator said, more or less, "Can you imagine a world where people are so alienated from the production of art that instead of learning to produce it themselves, they type 'woman painting a picture' into a box on a computer and something just pops out?"

The video background was stock footage of a woman painting.

You have this really obnoxious trend of people who make monetized YouTube videos out of other people's copyrighted clips (Claiming "Fair use") talking about how awful it is for AI to "steal" other people's works, and people who fill their videos with stock footage and library tracks talking about how crazy it is that anybody would want to outsource this stuff instead of learning to do it themselves.

But also, beneath that, there is a kind of picture of "What's important about art" that is being built purely out of commercial concerns but masquerading as belief in something higher, and that really bugs me. Stock footage is elevated to the highest of human endeavors purely because it is commercially threatened by AI production.

[doodler16]

LONGGG ask ahead.

I feel like Viv just doesn’t understand sex outside of funny haha bdsm ‘daddy’ jokes.

Especially the Helluva short where Blitzo says he’s a top and therefore is bad at oral. What?????? That’s not how it works???? I wish I had more examples but I think the general vibe of sex only being used for power dynamics is present in both HH and HB. Blitzo’s sa threat to moxie (and millie) in an early episode, the way Stolas cheating with a lower class imp is first used to show that he’s a bad guy and that blitzo is desperate BUT this is later almost retconned to make it into a cutesy toxic yaoi love story and cheating is suddenly okay. Fizz and Ozzie’s relationship I just can’t take seriously when it’s reduced Fizz into a sub gay twink stereotype (‘pwease big daddy?’ Ughhh stfu). Side tangent but I was so happy to see representation of a disabled person with agency and success, until he started being babied by the narrative and acts totally different especially in the Mammon episode. They make Mammon look bad for sexualising Fizz and bodyshaming, which is a good message about toxic bosses, until you remember that Blitzo has done that and much worse to his employees.

This is just as bad in HH, the Angel and Val thing is just disturbing. Like I can forgive slightly bad writing but hiring a known proshipper with an SA kink to storyboard the scenes of a SA VICTIM BEING ABUSED is fucking insane. Viv doesn’t care about representation, kink isn’t just about being edgy and dangerous during sex and it feels like she just doesn’t understand the history behind it. Making the sin of lust himself say he cares about consent just to make your character look good (because she suddenly decided she wanted him to be a dom sugar daddy instead of an actual bad guy), but then you also approve of showing SA in your shows as a joke, especially when it’s used against characters that are seen as more pathetic (moxxie and sir pentious). Vivz gets off to negative power dynamics and seems to fetishise abuse of power. Pretty obvious considering the disturbing SA scene playlist she had on her old YouTube channel.

Also Stolas is like a textbook r*pist imo, the self pitying and ‘well I WANTED it to be consensual!’ And whatever. When you’re in that position of power you have a responsibility to not abuse that. At the start of the show it was fine because they weren’t trying to make a moral message or paint him as a good guy, but clearly they had to retcon so much just to make it work when they wanted him to be a innocent twink. The retcon to make Stolas and Blitzo childhood friends, making Stolas a desperate poor baby who doesn’t know how to communicate and he actually ALWAYS totally loved Blitzo. Sure. But really if you just watch the show without any background knowledge, Stolas looks like a creep. And Viv had to justify everything Stolas did while making Blitzo, the victim in this dynamic, into the bad guy who totally also loves Stolas (despite clearly not being into him until they wanted to change things in the end of s1) and he’s in the wrong for disliking the upper class demons who mistreat them.

Viv seems to see kink as consensual abuse in a way. She doesn’t understand how sexual dynamics work. And she fetishises toxic relationships without thinking critically of what she’s really saying. Double standards between SA jokes and SA storylines. I’d even say that making Val a character people can get attached to and buy merch of is kinda icky, because yes irl r*pists can be charming to others, but clearly Viv wasn’t saying anything interesting with his character’s portrayal. She just wanted someone to abuse her favourite OC and make sure her close proship friends can get off to it while disregarding how victims may respond to it.

It’s a sort of conservative way of seeing kink culture and queer culture in general imo. The p*rn industry has already normalised fetishising abusive power dynamics but against women much more often. Viv is just doing that but between two male characters instead. Also did Chaggie get any sort of sexual stuff idk. I don’t think so, I can hardly remember any f/f relationships in her work.

Sorry for the long rant I just have so many thoughts on it ahh and I wanna see if people agree and have more in depth talk on it. Viv stop letting your p*rn addiction ruin your show 💔

Vivziepop shouldn’t be surprised when people meme on her when it comes to her lame sex and swearing jokes 😭 There is a lot of it that you can make a complication video of it.

Short 2 “Mission Antarctica” was so dumb especially with Blitzø and the crystal. “I’ve never been good at this shit.” That such a lie, when has Blitzø sucked at lust? Especially when the show goes out of its way to establish that Blitzø not only scored a literally pop star, a goetia prince, and hundreds of hellborn who were at Verosika’s party complaining about him.

Yeah, you are right Anon. Thats not how it works, just because you are a top doesn’t mean you are automatically bad at oral sex and doesn’t help how they establish Blitzø to be this attractive person who is able to get most people or use his charms as an advantage in a tough situation. I know this scene is a joke but Blitzø easily could’ve accessed the crystal.

The fact that Blitzø gets away with sexual assaulting and threatening Moxxie and by extension Millie is insane. He never actually apologizes to them and proceeds to call out Mammon for doing similar things he did to Moxxie and Millie. And it never crosses Blitzø’s mind or forces him to realize that he’s a hypocrite too.

Don’t get me wrong that scene where Blitzø defends Fizzarolli from Mammon multiple times is sweet but at the same time why should I take it seriously when it used as a punchline for a character like Moxxie. It’s the same issue with Angel Dust and Sir Pentious.

Vivziepop wants us, the audience to emphasize and sympathize with Angel Dust getting raped and abused by Valentino. But in the same breath makes a joke about Sir Pentious getting raped off screen and some fans making excuses that “it’s Hell.” At this point, why should I care about Angel Dust’s situation if some people are willing to let a scene like this slide.

I mean Vivziepop was arguing with a bunch of SA survivors on Instagram Threads about episode 4 of Hazbin Hotel (before the full episode got out). 😂

Fizzarolli and Ozzie are something to say the least. Their relationship can be summed up by “Sugar daddy Ozzie dominates wittle Fizzarolli.” They had a joke at the end of Mammon special episode that Ozzie tops Fizzarolli, that’s how un-subtle they are about their dynamic.

I like Fizzarolli and somewhat latch on to him and relate to him regarding his disability but the man (who is in his 30s) is babied and coddled especially by Ozzie that I unironically miss his edge and fierceness from season 1. That Stoliz childhood plot was so useless, then meeting as a children made the Stoliz ship unironically look worse and was useless. You aren’t slick Vivziepop, I see you with the children Stoliz merch, trying to make it look like they were friends when in reality they aren’t. 😂

No Anon, Chaggie didn’t have any sexual content in season 1 compared to ships like Ozzie/Fizz and Stoliz. Even Millie/Moxxie and Valentino/Vox had more “spicy” content than Chaggie. The closest thing Chaggie did was have a soft kiss on the lips in episode 8. Apparently, in season 2 something “fun” and “spicy” will happen between Chaggie.

[tf2heritageposts]

So, there’s been a big buzz about Team Fortress 2 after the prodigal son of Comic 7 came to us, and ya wanna know what the buzz is about, hm? this post will be a guide to the basics of getting into tf2, and becoming more familiar with the fandom, from a dude who's been in it for bout fourish years

INTRO

Well, to start things off, TF2 is a game created by Valve in 2007, aka the creators of the video game marketplace Steam and the extremely popular video games Half-life and Portal. There are also some theories that they all exist in the same universe, but this only is canon to HL and Portal some people will say it also contains tf2 but ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

The video game is free on Steam, that is with a massive asterisk as it does contain in-game purchases with real money,for  which you have to purchase a pass at 2 dollars to be able to talk in game or use voice commands. Valve says this is to protect against bots but the bot problem has been over for months and it still hasn’t been solved so what are ya gonna do? For much cheaper, you can go into the mann co store in game and purchase a vitasaw for .22 cents and viola you can talk now!

Something to note is that you do not need to play the game to engage with the fandom. I’ve been running a semi-popular TF2 gimmick blog for almost three years now and I’ve noted that maybe 20-30% of the fandom has never touched the game or even has steam. All of the fancy lore is purely supplemental material found outside of the game through comics, and you could easily just watch videos containing all of the voice lines if you truly wanted to know what the men you were drawing and writing sounded like. 

THE ACTUAL GAME

Regardless, TF2 itself is a first-person shooter with game modes such as payload, king of the hill/control points, and capture the flag if you’re feeling spicy. If you’ve played overwatch, this is that but it won’t trigger epilepsy by playing it. There's also alterate gamemodes such as payload race where both teams are trying to get a payload to the other side, medieval mode where basically any guns are banned and you are slapping people with swords and fish, as well as pass time which nobody plays but has an extremely obscure and complicated achievement attached to it.

There are also community servers where there are extensively more options for playing, such as casual+ servers where the goal is creating a “better” version of the casual servers. This usually means no crits, changes to bullet spread, aka stuff most non comp players Within these community servers, there's many different gamemodes you can play, such as 10x servers where the damage weapons do gets increased 10x 100x 10000000000x etc etc. There are also “fun” servers where the server owner has put about 100 different plugins and you are just having fun non-serious times. It’s fun. 

There are way more community game modes out there for you to enjoy; such as vs Saxton Hale/freak fortress, dodgeball, prop hunt, and plenty more. Explore that community tab to your heart's desire :]

Also! TF2 has a game known as Mann vs Machine(usually called MVM) where you and six other people all kill thousands of robots who are trying to get a bomb to the other side of the map throughout multiple rounds. It’s good fucking fun man. If you want the chance for loot/an extremely rare form of a weapon if you play a map enough, it’s 72 cents per ticket…….but if you don’t care and just want mindless fun, go boot camp and play for free. Boot camp also has way more maps, and often has charity drives hosted by the community where you can earn a neat little badge.

The game also has an extensive player player-driven economy, but unless anyone asks for a post with the basics since I know more about the economy than I’d like, I’ll just say you don’t need to worry about it. lollichop stocks

THE VIDEOS

Now, for the part, most people know about TF2, aka the Meet the Team series of videos. These are a series of 1-3 minute videos on the Valve YouTube channel that introduce the mercs through a consistently inconsistent format. A few of the videos are formatted like an actual interview with the mercs, while others are formatted more like mini TV shows. They’re all wonderfully entertaining and the source of multiple extremely popular memes, meaning even if you don’t know it you’ve been exposed to the videos before. Most famously, it’s the source of the “professionals have standards” image as well as “he could be any one of us”.  It’ll take you around 15 minutes to binge all of the videos. Even if you aren’t interested in getting TF2, I’d heavily recommend watching the videos due to how funny they are, plus genuinely good-looking 3d animation. The link is right here

There’s also Expiration Date, aka the pilot of the canned TF2 adult swim show. It’s also up on the valve’s channel and is around 15 minutes. It is probably one of the best things Valve has made for TF2, as well as being probably one of the most quoted shit on this godforsaken internet. It’s where the “dear god, there’s more” meme is from. Watch it. Right now. it's only like 15 minutes, what else are you doing with your time?

THE COMICS

This is where all that juicy lore is. Over the last 17 years, the valve has released free comics to go along with the major updates of TF2, as well as a main series of comics called “mann co no More”. The last comic in this series, which only took about 7 years to come out, aka the length of time someone could have a child and then have that child be in elementary school, was released a few weeks ago as of writing out. 

Something to note is that while the update comics are all mostly goofy and do contain some *very important lore*, they’re not serialized and can be from anywhere within the TF2 timeline. Meanwhile, Mann Co No More is a serialized comic and is trying to be a consistent story. It’s an extremely goofy story with about 40% serious and genuinely interesting plot and 60% whatever the fuck soldier is doing at any given moment

It’s all very good fun. Fair warning though if you try to become a TF2 loremaster you will go insane. I sure as hell did. 

And now that you have all of the official stuff out of the way, it’s time for

TF2 YOUTUBERS

For your beginner in the fandom, there are three main YouTubers I would personally recommend 

Lazypurple, my personal favorite TF2 YouTuber, is most famous for his series of videos “How it FEELS to play __” where he goes over what it's like to play any given class. Except medic. He’s still working on that one. Give him time. https://www.youtube.com/@LazyPurple

Another I’d recommend is Soundsmith, most well known for his guide series on playing the soldier subclass(aka alternate game style) of troldier. And also his cosmetic stereotypes series but he doesn’t like that one these days. He also has a series of videos called “A mann’s guide to the __” where he goes over a more obscure or not very used weapon in TF2. Don’t let the title fool you, it is in no way an actual guide. As a quick warning, Soundsmith sometimes uses the R slur in his older videos. He no longer uses it but just as a warning. https://www.youtube.com/@SoundSmithTF2/videos

Finally, there’s Uncle Dane, most famous for his guides on playing Engineer in the most optimal way possible. If you want to main Engie or even have a passing thought about playing him ever, watch him. https://www.youtube.com/@UncleDane

For some other picks on favorite tf2tubers of mine:

jontohil2: https://youtube.com/c/Jontohil2 most famous for his spy psychology series and guides on playing spy

solar light: https://youtube.com/@SolarLight?feature=sharea most famous for his guides on playing the subclass demoknight and also being the best demoknight player par noneelmaxo https://youtube.com/c/elmaxoTF2 most famous for trying to manipulate the steam marketplace that one time and for his playing 100 hours series. He’s retired nowadays but his videos are still good.

and now

TF2 FAN CONTENT

Sfms: 

Source Filmmaker, AKA SFM, is a free animation software developed by Valve originally developed for use in the Meet the Team series of videos that is available for public use. The main draw to the software is the ability to make (easier) 3D animation using premade models that are either built into the software or added in through the steam workshop. Due to TF2 and various other valve properties being built into the software, TF2 is often used as placeholder models for SFM videos. But a good chunk of the SFM community are TF2 fans using it to make fancontent(the most famous ones I will get into later)

Some personal favorite SFM makers mine are:

The winglet https://youtube.com/c/tf2thewinglet most famous for winning every saxxy ever

kostamoinen https://youtube.com/@Kostamoinen?feature=sharea most famous for nothing in particular but just generally being a very good sfm maker

https://www.youtube.com/@SilentManJoe/videos most famous for animating for lythero and not being someone you should watch if you’re under 18 generally

And for some underrated picks:

Misan - https://www.youtube.com/@Misantropico

Hotpockette- https://www.youtube.com/@hotpockette/videos 

Colonel fantzipanzen- https://www.youtube.com/@ColonelFanzipantzen/videos

GMOD:

Garry’s Mod,, AKA Gmod, is a sandbox game made as a mod of half life 2. It’s not meant to be an animation software, but dude to some extensions you can download off the workshop, it can be used as a stop motion software with the ragdolls in the game. This is how people animated before SFM was a thing by the way.

GMOD is most famous for being the source of the most batshit tf2 shit you’ll ever see that also doubles as humorus body horror. TF2’s early fandom humor was based off of gmod. And before you ask, skibidi toilet is an SFM series, not gmod despite the similar humor. 

The most famous GMOD maker is stblackst, who makes some of the highest quality shit you can make in GMOD. However, he often uses the r slur and some of his videos contain some extremely uncomfortable jokes, but unfortunately that’s how it is sometimes. 

Another famous and classic gmod creator is thatgraycartoonpony, most famous for his video “Pyro Paints” that showed everyone that you CAN make pyro funny and expressive. Some of the best. 

Finally in our most famous gmod creator trinity, there’s eltorro64rus, most famous for his absolutely insane gmod videos even for gmod. He’s a classic https://youtube.com/c/Eltorro64Rus

For my personal favorite picks:

Dasmashidx- https://www.youtube.com/@DamashiDX

Crazyscoutfin- https://www.youtube.com/@CrazyScoutFIN

Alxium- https://www.youtube.com/@Alxium

Gooserious- https://www.youtube.com/@GooSerious

FAN GAMES:

Something that’s not talked about a lot for some reason!

The two main fan games I’ll discuss here are both by germanpeter on gamejolt

Overtime- https://gamejolt.com/games/overtime/255028

This one of germanpeter’s two crossover tf2 games. Here it’s a crossover of TF2 and Undertale. A legitemtnly fun experience and a good undertale fangame. Fair warning, the sprites are vaguely terrifying.

Midnight Mercenaries- https://gamejolt.com/games/midnightmercenaries/375928

Another crossover game, this one being a crossover of TF2 and Hotline Miami. One of the most fun fan games ive ever played period. Fair warning, if you know what hotline miami is like tone wise, it’s carried over here. Ending may be a bit too angsty and depressing for some people.  

Capture the Intelligence- https://gamejolt.com/games/gmod-capture-the-intelligence/850383

This one is not made by germanpeter! It’s a short horror game with heavy early 2010s gmod inspiration and is pretty goofy. I haven’t personally played it due to time, but I’ve  heard it’s good.

and now

FANDOM ESSENTIALS

Emesis Blue (and Spy’s disguise)

Emesis blue is a horror film created by the studio Fortress films that came out in 2023. It is one of the most popular sfms in the TF2 fandom ever, and is a full length movie. Seriously, it’s two hours long. I don’t wanna spoil it but I promise it’s good.

However, it’s technically a sequel to another Fortress Film SFM called spy’s disguise. This one is only 20 minutes, and much more humorous than Emesis blue. It is full of body horror though whoops! I would recommend watching it beforehand though. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MiJWNkmWfs - spy’s disguise https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0ODG8bFme0&t=4s - Emesis blue

Pootis Engage 

A sfm two part series by the wonderful ceno0 that completely changed the SFM landscape. It is so fucking well animated I can’t stress this enough. It is also extremely horny so I’d only watch if you’re of age. 

Pootis engage - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jl6lee2wyPQ&list=PLvgjnNWlcA0x_WMVzuZquKYwTFVbiBekn&index=1&t=144s&pp=iAQBPootis engage// extreme - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGJBUauU-CE&list=PLvgjnNWlcA0x_WMVzuZquKYwTFVbiBekn&index=2&t=134s&pp=iAQB

The Heavy is Dead

Aka that video we as a fandom are annoying about. A video by the wonderful gmod creator Delak, who doesn’t really do TF2 nowadays, you need to watch it. Not optional sorry

Freak Fortress:

Have you been wondering what the hell is up with those weird edgy looking versions of Tf2 characters? And why some of them consider communion to be literally eating Jesus’s flesh? 

Well, Freak Fortress is a  community of people who make videos using GMOD with community created characters called “Freaks”. You know how SPC is a community/fandom of people who make SPCS and then everyone uses SPCS in their own stories and whatnot? It’s like that. The freaks are usually mercs with specific cosmetics or alterations to their models that act as their own chracters rather than being the mercs.

The most famous ones being

Painis Cupcake - https://tf2freakshow.fandom.com/wiki/Painis_Cupcake

Christian Brutal Sniper- https://tf2freakshow.fandom.com/wiki/Christian_Brutal_Sniper

And Christian Pure Spy- https://tf2freakshow.fandom.com/wiki/Christian_Pure_Spy 

You may notice I linked wiki pages and not videos or playlists. This is due to a few reasons

CPS’s videos are all taken down and you have to watch them through archived channels now, which are pretty hard to find with youtube’s shitty search engine

So many people make different videos with just these three characters, it’s better just to look at the video section of the wiki pages and go through there

If you wanted to get into Freak Fortress, I’d reccomend finding a freak you like on the wiki and then binging all of the videos linked on their page. 

My two personal favorites: 

Soldine -  https://tf2freakshow.fandom.com/wiki/Soldine

Polish Soldier- https://tf2freakshow.fandom.com/wiki/Polish_Soldier

Lil Pootis:

A cute little kind of extremely dark at some points 2d animated series of tf2 videos by the wonderful Quazies. The series is going to be completed for good soon, but as of right now there are nine videos 

and that should be about it. if you have any questions, feel free to ask me. or if you want any gmod reccomendations. i fucking love gmod woo

[mikilolz2]

How can I stop self sabotaging myself when I come close to shifting?

Hi,

It’s kind of ironic that I’m coming here, considering where my problem started, but I really don’t know what to do. Lately, I’ve been feeling different, thanks to Nero Knowledge on YouTube. Yesterday, with a newfound boost of confidence, I came incredibly close to my DR. Honestly, it was one of the best attempts I’ve had in at least eight months—maybe even longer.

I experienced a ton of shifting symptoms. I know people say symptoms aren’t really a thing, but for me, they always show up when I’m close, so I take them as a good sign (since I felt that type of spinning everytime I had “minishifted”). My body started feeling like it was moving, and my bed felt like it was going through turbulence, which was exciting since I’m supposed to wake up on a plane in my DR. It felt amazing—maybe too amazing. I kept telling myself, It’s done. I’ve done everything. All I need to do is fall asleep, and I’ll wake up in my DR. I reminded myself that my frequencies had shifted, and my DR was right there waiting for me. I know the idea of frequencies isn’t super popular in the shifting community, but it helps me stay confident, and it’s something I learned from Nero Knowledge’s videos.

But here’s where it got frustrating. Instead of focusing on my DR, my thoughts started getting more excited about telling my friends that I was making progress and almost there. It’s so stupid because I want to shift more than anything—it’s obviously better than just saying I got close—but after five years of trying, I think I’ve grown too used to daydreaming about shifting instead of actually doing it.

Honestly, it feels like I’ve become almost addicted to daydreaming. Shifting has been my dream for so long that it’s practically my personality now. So why is it that, when I get close, I end up getting more excited about sharing progress with others than actually shifting? It’s like I don’t fully believe I’ll succeed, and I settle for almost shifting instead.

This isn’t the first time it’s happened, and it’s starting to really annoy me. I’ve also developed this habit of comparing my attempts to every story I’ve read. If my attempt doesn’t seem similar, I start doubting its validity or whether it makes sense. It’s so dumb because I know everyone’s journey is different. I’ve even discovered things that work for me but don’t seem to work for most people in the community.

I think I’ve grown too attached to the journey itself—and to the community. It feels like a way I’ve coped. But I hate that I got more excited to say “I almost shifted” than to actually shift. I don’t even like this reality. I’m in the worst depressive episode of my life, and shifting feels like my only way out. Yet, when I finally get close, I somehow sabotage myself.

As for how I got so close this time, it was really simple: I set my intention. That worked, probably because of the mindset shift I gained from NeuroKnowledge. Once I started experiencing symptoms, I intentionally stressed about small details my DR self would care about—like remembering not to leave a sandwich in my backpack so it wouldn’t go bad. I’m starting to understand what works for me after five exhausting years of trying every single day. I just want to stop this pattern of settling for “almost shifting” and actually shift. I want to be excited about living in my DR instead of about telling people I’m making progress. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone talk about this specific issue in the community, though I might’ve missed it.

————————————————————

Please help me, this seems like such a stupid problem to have. Any advice would mean the world to me. Thank you so much for reading.

p. s. It’s my first time posting on reddit so sorry if it looks confusing

[erasinglines]

at the end of this, it’s hard not to feel gutted; hollowed out and empty, as if he’s been turned from the inside out, raw and waiting for all to see. can’t deny that the verity they’ve been relaying has been draining, but it’s been a long time coming, he thinks— no longer speaking in codes around each other, each communicating in a language the other didn’t speak. they’ve always been on the same page, able to understand that most intricate parts of each other, pieces of him that’s gathered cobwebs, locked away in the deepest corners of his mind. from so early on, he’d found such a comfort in her, as easy as breathing. even easier, he thinks, like she was essential to his very being, the reason that his body functioned on a day-to-day basis. it hadn’t taken much, for that to string them together, souls entangled from the moment their eyes met at that party, all those years ago, hands intertwined while they seeking solace elsewhere. he hadn’t known it then, in that moment, but that sanctuary has always come from her— her, as a person. no matter how much distance is between them, or where they are, how much time has passed. it’s always been her, for him, no matter the circumstances. that hasn’t changed now, even with all they’ve gone through, deliberate actions or not. his gaze softens, as he looks at her now, wanting nothing more than to take back all that’s occurred tonight, to be whoever she needs him to be, to be what she wants. he’s had doubts that he hasn’t been for some time now, that clearly she’s found something better in fletcher— that whatever they'd once shared was long gone, only remnants, crumbles of a structure, that once stood so tall left in its place. now, he can see that maybe neither one of them have been fully honest about the natures of their relationship; that much he knew, if tonight's conversations were anything to go by, if their night a few weeks prior had anything to say, too. has never been great at remaining angry at her, anyway, as if his body is physically incapable of doing do for very long. so, as she takes a step closer, he does too, as if to tell her that, to remind her that this is how he's always preferred them, with her right within his reach. and his hand aches to reach out to her further, as if a single touch could make up for all of his wrongdoings, but he holds back, that hand clenched at his side. " it's okay, " he assures her, that gentle glint back in his eye, colour returning to his face. " this is all... pretty fucked up, i guess. guess it always has been. " and the chuckle that rumbles from his throat, this time around, is genuine. clipped around the edges, sure, as he paints the obvious, but that bitterness is no longer attached to his words. " i'd like that, though. starting over, i mean. if you still want me around, that is— know i haven't been very fair on you, that i've only been making things harder than they need to be, " a gulp, then, as if it encapsulates the regret, the guilt, that's been festering inside him, dating back to the moment he'd left. " it's just... you're always going to be someone that i want, and i don't know how to get rid of that, " doesn't know if he wants to. " and if that complicates things too much, i get it, you know? my goal in this has never been to hurt you.

it was cruel, what she said to him that fateful day over coffee. there was something wrong with her, she thinks, to ever say those words out loud to him, to lie about something she knew would hurt just to get a reaction. she wasn’t thinking of the consequences then, and that’s why she knows she deserves to face his frustration and his ire, now, to hear just how deeply her actions affected him. “ no, that was so fucked up, i know, i just… i was so jealous and scared that you found something better than what we had, so i lashed out, and it was fucking awful of me. i should’ve just told you the truth, instead, ” that no one else compares, in the slightest. there’s contrition written all over her countenance, shame and regret permeating every single syllable that leaves her lips. “ and i know that doesn’t fix it, and it’s okay if you hate me for it because i think i hate myself for it, too, i just… i’m so fucking sorry for ever putting that in your head. ” now having the same experience herself, she would do anything to wipe it from his memory entirely, just like she wished someone would do for her, right now. she understands now that this is why exes generally weren’t advised to talk after a break up— there was so much miscommunication and jealousy and hurt swirling around them, threatening to swallow them whole. and she’s afraid it might, until she witnesses his sigh, listening to his confession, feeling guilt well up inside of her as she allows for more honesty to spill past her lips, shaking her head slightly. “ hey, no, that night was… it was exactly what i wanted. you always... i mean, it always was, with us. " she pauses, wanting to offer additional reassurance. " it was perfect, miller, honestly— it meant everything to me. ” her voice shakes, slightly, on those last few words, but she means it all the same. she means it so much, actually, and she wants him to know that, to understand just how it’s affected her, how much she hates that he second guessed himself because of her previous actions. and she can’t help but hold her breath at his next admission, feeling herself soften entirely at his explanation, all her anxiety and fear melting away, disappearing into the cold night air. so that’s what all this was about— fuck, did she feel ridiculous now for worrying, for assuming the absolute worst. the relief that accompanies it is palpable, apparent in the nervous chuckle that spills past her lips. “ god, she’s really missing out. it’s not a bad sight, looking up at you. ” her gaze holds on him a little too long after saying that, but she breaks eye contact with him soon after, turning her head to hide her embarrassment at letting those words slip out as fingers rub across her face, her lips, as if to force them back inside. “ sorry, i shouldn’t have said that, but… that’s not fucked up, though. or well, it probably would be to anyone else, but i… i mean, i don’t even let him see me fully naked, because i just… don’t feel good about myself with him, and i always turn off the lights because i can’t bear to look up and see someone that isn’t you, either. ” it’s followed with a sigh, yet she feels emboldened enough to take a few steps closer to him; still respectful of his space, but close enough to satisfy that constant urge inside her to be near him. “ can we just… start over, you think ? because i really hate fighting with you. ” a pause. “ but i get it, if i’ve fucked things up too much. i only want you to be happy, you know ? ”

[lynaferns]

Haven't looked at any DCA tag in... months now

I don't like the current fanon Sun with the sassyness people give him. It brings me into a depressive state lmao.

(not shaming, I'm just sad that I can't go in the tags anymore without finding most of the art being mean/threatening sun. And all I can do is not go in there anymore)

Well, idk if it toned down by now or if that's the norm now. I don't feel like finding out.

[cowboy-robooty]

imma be so fr rn i think its homophobic when people are fine with yuri but go up in arms about yaoi. like seriously. because its so fucking stupid to act as though yuri is somehow less fetishistic than yaoi when legit the entire fetish appeal of lesbianism in yuri is the fact that its "so pure and untainted by men". Straight men who consume yuri love it because they have a thing for purity in a similar vein as straight women love yaoi for being guys "sinning" and shit. I think both of these sentiments are foul in their own respective ways and its plain ignorant to act as though the "purity" of yuri is made out of a respect for lesbians instead of fetishistic appeal. And dont get it twisted rn and think im saying yaoi and yuri both suck; you know i love both of these genres, but i can criticize it without saying the genre as a whole is some evil demon shit. Straight erotica also houses a plethora of problematic themes and sentiments because every genre is going to have issues, especially when its lewd content. Lewd content is made TO BE fetishistic because well... its lewd; the problems that arise are not black or white matters and I think that if people are willing to enjoy straight erotic manga critically but unwilling to give the same grace to yaoi or yuri then thats plain homophobic. Because when people act as though yaoi and yuri having these problems means that the genres as a whole are unsalvagable while straight erotica can still be excused, it implies that homosexuals are obligated to be BETTER than heterosexual content to be accepted. It creates this idea that homosexual content is somehow inherently more dirty and needs to make up for this fact by being morally superior in other ways. 50 shades of gray and twilight can exist with a littany of foul tropes and problematic themes that are completely put into a fetishistic light, and yes it recieves mockery and is called cringe (because it is), but how come thats all it gets while some yaoi has the same shit going on and is treated like the entire genre as a whole needs to be exterminated??????? nobody has ever said that all shitty novels made for lonely women need to be demolished because of twilight and 50 shades of gray, and anyone who has gets called out for their misogyny because its fucking stupid to act like an entire genre of content should be killed for some cringe loser shit being mixed in with it. All porn has problematic tropes, and its so homophobic to act like specifically the genre of gay men having sex is the most egregious offender of these tropes while passing off yuri as fine because the problematic tropes it houses feed into the idea of purity.

Like oh my god, the majority of yuri is not made for lesbians. Even though it is made by women, these women are not fucking queer women. They're straight women who are feeding into the misogynistic ideals of pure, feminine women remaining pure and feminine by keeping untainted by men while exploring eachothers bodies. thats why yaoi and yuris problems mirror eachother in that you see an abundance of heteronormativity in yaoi (big semes, small ukes; with the smaller feminine one being lured into a tainted world of sin by being gay or whatever) while yuri has the opposite problem with a lack of body diversity because it focuses on ideal feminine ladies remaining untouched by "sin" by only touching eachother. Why do you think that around the same time yaoi was full of shit like junjou romantica bullshit yuri was also notorious for being boring as hell with two girls thats have no personalities making out together? Because BOTH of these genres had these issues much more severely in the 2000s-2010s. Yaoi was too crazy with that sinning fetish while Yuri was too boring with that purity fetish. Its also so stupid when people keep using examples from that era of yaoi as evidence that western mlm work is sooooo much better and superior compared to the entire fucking genre because its comparing shit from ten years ago to shit made now. Idk if you remember but literally ten years ago pedo bear was a normal thing that was goddamn EVERYWHERE online. Culture changes and i can assure you western gay media was not so squeaky clean during that time either; but this is a whole 'nother enchilada to be devoured another time.

Anyways in short; its homophobic as hell if you embrace yuri but shun yaoi. All you're doing is showing you have a fundamental lack of understanding concerning the roots of yuri and who yuri is actually made for. You're acting like gay men having sex is inherently "dirtier" than straight people having sex and that they need to compensate by being more morally righteous. I'm not saying that the different problematic tropes found in each type of erotica is good and shouldn't be changed, but its homophobic to excuse straight porn while refusing that same grace to yaoi. And it disgusts me seeing people continue to perpetuate the sentiment of gay men being seen as sin and lesbian women being seen as pure (in an almost baby-fying way) only wrapped up in a new convoluted form of packaging while acting like theyre protecting homosexuals.

[florelia12]

So I’ve been thinking a lot about avoidant attachment styles since I’ve discovered I fall under that category like our beloved Helia hence an essay on his avoidant attachment style:

Its no secret that i love the comics and the Helia arc in The Trial comics. I think what I love about that comic is how florelia’s relationship is developed and depicted.

So, one of the characteristic of an avoidant is deciding to end a relationship without really communicating why. Helia did that to Flora after deciding that she deserved better than how he treated her, and that he wasn’t good enough for her or for red fountain. He decided for the both of them that this wasn’t going to work out because he’s not good enough. Flora didn’t get to have a say or to even confirm whether that was true because he just waltzed right out of there and cut contact.

So, he leaves and like decides to not contact anyone. After a few days of crying, Flora managed to contact him…He starts by saying that he doesn’t want to talk but she cuts him off and says I get it if you don’t want to be around me right now. “I accept that even if i don’t understand.”

When she offers her help to find him a place to stay, it was her offering the help without any strings. Which was why he took it (he was also kinda desperate). After he says yes, she even says okay thats it you can hang up if you want without forcing him to talk about whats wrong.

Then its Helia who speaks up and says hey this is kind of why im behaving this way. She senses an opening and tries asking if they can fix things. He’s not ready yet and so he says no, which she respects and hangs up the phone.

Flora then finds him once he’s settled down. Now, this could have been a manipulative move. Her taking advantage of the fact that he had no choice but to take up the rental room that she found for him so that she can force him out of his self-imposed exile and force a conversation.

However, when Helia tries to apologise because its the decent thing to do, Flora stops him and says he doesn’t have to talk about it if he doesn’t want to. She recognises his need for space right but also knows that he needs a friend right now. So, she offers exactly that and Helia accepts it.

This may seem contradictory since why is he accepting help when he’s an avoidant who’s hyper independent and wants to be able to meet his own needs. But, the reason people become avoidant is because at some crucial point in their life, their emotional needs weren’t met and the only way they could receive that was by seeking it out themselves, something that requires a lot of energy that unfortunately ends up with them not having any energy left to help meet someone else’s needs.

But, what Flora did was meet his needs while letting him know she didn’t expect anything in return. This takes a weight off his shoulders, and he feels secure enough with her promises to accept her help. Because right now, there is no expectation on him that he needs to meet which is the exact thing he ‘ran’ away (expectations he’s worried he can’t fulfil).

Then they’re okay for a while, and they can go on dealing with the matters at hand which is fixing up his apartment.

After a while, when things are going okay and he feels safe and secure. Helia opens up to her. They communicate. She understands.

Then comes the moment that didn’t really sit well with me at first but now I kind of understand.

At first I felt like why is she asking him about their relationship when he’s clearly going through hell about something else, isn’t that a little selfish when she said she’s okay if they don’t talk about it?

But, then I realised that Helia’s needs were met when Flora gave him the space he needed and accepted and understood him.

Right now…She’s asking for reassurance. She feels secure enough with him to ask for reassurance because she needs it right now.

This expectation, its a normal reaction. Its not her asking for something unreasonable. Even the way she phrases it is, do you want to end things? Is this what you need?

Not, oh lets get back together or why did you do that to me. Not blaming him for his actions. ( She even said she forgave him ). Not victimising herself.

Since Helia’s needs were met and he feels secure enough right now, he was able to meet her needs and so he offers her the reassurance she needed.

Which was this iconic moment…

I almost forgot the important part but when conflict strikes again…

Helia receives sus information about Flora and is struggling to figure out whether to believe it or not. Because he’s been tricked once, and now its happening again? Is he gullible? Is he the problem? He’s not good enough is he? A good specialist won’t fall for tricks so easily, right?

Flora senses the struggles and approaches, she’s panicky so she kind of starts seeking reassurance like what’s wrong? What’s going on? Talk to me!

This time he doesn’t walk away, he doesn’t avoid. He feels safe. He knows he can trust her because she’s proven that he is safe with her. He can trust his own instincts. Even if he was gullible, he made a mistake and trusted the wrong thing again, he knows he can communicate it with Flora because he feels safe enough to do it.

He reassures her that he trusts her. Then, they solve the problem. Together.

I just absolutely love this entire arc because its a realistic and somewhat healthy way of being in a relationship with someone who has an avoidant attachment style.

I’ve been seeing alot about this avoidant/attachment style and majority of it just straight up villainises the avoidant. I even saw someone say that “anxious people are expected to accommodate avoidants but avoidants aren’t really expected to accommodate for the anxious partner.” Which will always be true in some cases but is not what the general avoidant or anxious attachment style actually needs.

Its not exactly space that the avoidant needs (thats the coping mechanism), its safety and security. Just like someone with an anxious attachment style. Seeking reassurance is their coping mechanism, the solution is the safety and security that is offered. Accommodating someone’s coping mechanism is never a long-term solution, only healing can give you the peace you need.

Now, i did use to think that Flora had an anxious attachment style but I think she’s more secure. Like she needs reassurance, she struggles with her insecurities. But, you don’t really see her actively seeking it out very often. She understands most of the time when people want to be left alone. While she might struggle to give herself the reassurance she needs, she understands when someone else can’t give it to her at that moment.

Is she avoidant, on the other hand…i might have to sit on that a little but I’d love to know if anyone has any thoughts on that:)

This whole thing is so hard to navigate but people can sure learn a thing or two from fictional characters.

[byakuyasdarling]

One of my former classmates is really funny, and I’m not at all degrading them: but today they asked if I drew or had any r//34 of Byakuya and I was like “how am I going to say I dislike NSFW content and I’m asexual???”

[femmeroll]

thinking about getting caught hooking up with abby on the WLF base >_<

abby anderson x fem reader

cw: smut and silliness, strap usage, getting caught, lowkey humiliation if you squint

it’s hard to find alone time with abby. since she lives with manny, he’s pretty much always in their room. you have your own roommate as well, so yours inner available.

and you don’t want to kick him out, even if manny does that to abby all the time.

so quickies become pretty common. she fingers you when your on patrol, separate from the group. she’ll eat you out in the communal showers when everyone else is sleeping.

but tonight, manny is gone. abby doesn’t question his whereabouts, she’s just glad that you can come over and she can take her time fucking you the way you deserve.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★

abby’s been fucking you for hours, desperately thrusting into you like she’ll die if she stops. each slap of her hips against your ass sends shockwaves through her entire body.

“you love this, don’t you baby? love when i bend you over and fuck you stupid. keep takin’ my dick baby, just like that.”

and you do. you take every inch of abby’s cock, drooling onto her pillow and babbling mindlessly about how good it feels. she’s so deep, so rough and yet so loving.

“good girl, takin’ me so well. you gonna cum on my dick? gonna milk me fuckin’ dry?”

just as your about to cum, the door unlocks with a click.

“abs, i’m back- oh shit. hey, amiga.”

abby grabs the blanket and pulls it over you, covering your naked body as best as she can.

“oh my god, manny. ever heard of knocking?”

manny just laughs, walking over to his own bed and sitting down, completely unphased by his roommate with a strap attached to her boxer-clad hips. and very naked roommate’s girlfriend.

“you know, if you wanted me out so you could get laid, you could’ve just asked me.”

abby groans, picking your clothes up off the floor so you can get decent, and taking her harness off. she covers you as you put your clothes on.

“sorry you had to see that, manny.” you say with a giggle.

“it’s no problem, amiga” he responds. “i’m just glad that abs here is getting some.

[werecreature-addicted]

Have you ever written about an amnesiac werewolf? Like the reader finds a poor lost soul in the forest and takes them in, unknowingly dooming herself to becoming a breeding pet when the moon strikes and his instincts take over? He doesn't know what's come over him. He really doesn't. :'(

TW: car accidents. dubcon. do i know anything about hospitals? no. shhh. enjoy the werewolf porn.

You've grown quite attached to John Doe. He came in three days ago, he'd been "found" naked wandering a forest road at night and gotten cleaned out by a driver in a pickup truck. The driver said he thought he hit a dog or a deer that had wandered onto the road and was horrified to see a man there instead lying bloody on the asphalt.

Despite how bad John Doe looked when he was wheeled into your clinic, he'd been recovering quite nicely. He was even conscious now although he didn't seem to remember anything from before the accident. That coupled with the fact that he was found naked in the woods, it was proving difficult to contact any friends or family who might be able to give a concrete identity.

You weren't too worried though. It was a small community, and you were sure someone who knew him would turn up eventually. As for you, this was a slow time of year for a humble trauma center doctor, you were able to spend lots of time with your favorite amnesiac. It was a little miraculous really how well he was recovering everything but his memory. If you didn't know any better you'd say it was supernatural.

You found yourself spending more and more time with your John Doe, he was sweet and funny, Not to mention he was very attractive, even bloody and bruised. Although the budding warmth you felt for him was tainted slightly both by the fact that he was your patient and the nagging worry in the back of your head that this wasn't the real him. This could all be a false personality that he would lose once he got his memories back.

You'd already started toying with a daydream where once recovered John Doe would still come by to visit you. You shake your head and try to dispel those fantasies from your mind. You mentally chided yourself, you weren't a teenager with a crush you should be handling yourself more professionally than this. Still, your heart raced when he smiled at you.

In the end, it wasn't a friend or family member who revealed who John Doe really was, but it was the summer rain. You were just about to leave for the night when you started getting phone calls. A bad storm was coming in and soon it wouldn't be safe to drive on the largely dirt roads in this town, no one would be coming up to fill in the night shift. You could make it home safe if you left now. But that would mean abandoning your patient and you couldn't do that. So instead you just sighed and hunkered down preparing to wait out the storm inside the hospital.

John Doe was more than happy to have your company- he liked you better than any of the overnight team anyway, and over the past day he'd begun to feel strange. Not in pain just energized in a usual way. there was a tingling sensation just below his skin, he felt hungry but not for food. He couldn't really put a name to the strange pressure in his body, he only knew that it was growing and it made him want to keep you close.

You were in the break room when it happened. You were trying to figure something out for dinner which was hard with only vending machine options available when lightning strikes and the lights die. you hesitate, waiting for backup generators but only the red EXIT lights stay on, casting an eerie red glow to the room. You were just starting to pull open cabinets looking for a flashlight when you heard a loud crash and what sounded like an animal growl. Your heart stops and before you can think you're running toward the sound relying on muscle memory to navigate the darkened halls.

You freeze seeing the hulking form of a wolf over the tipped-over bed of John Doe. How the hell did a wolf get in here? And alone. Even panicked you know something isn't right. Wolves don't come this close to humans, they don't attack humans and they never ever do it alone. Then the wolf looks at you and stands on its hind legs and you realize it's not a wolf but a monster.

Your hands tremble, you should run- call the sheriff- search the lost and found for a gun and shoot the damn thing. But you can't bring yourself to run. The creature in front of you is awe-inspiring despite your fear, you're curious. Then the monster moves and the interest vanishes. Again your body moves before your brain can think you turn and run. You don't look behind as you run but you can hear the beast howl and the solid thud thud thud as it chases after you.

It's a small emergency room, you know there's nowhere to hide unless the werewolf can read and respect "staff only" signs. You feel a large clawed hand wrap around your waist your legs are still kicking trying to run as you're lifted in the air by the monster.

"You took such good care of me...now let me take care of you, sweet mate," the werewolf growls in your ear, turning you to face him, forcing you to look at his hulking monstrous form. You struggle futilely in his grasp he's strong and you can see his muscles bulge under his dark black fur. Lightning strikes again illuminating his sharp white teeth and his bright hungry eyes.

It takes you a moment to catch up to the fact that 1. The werewolf had spoken and 2. That he had promised to "take care of you". Before you can catch your breath let alone ask what that meant he's shoving you down onto the cold linoleum floor, shredding your pants with one clawed hand and the other he presses down hard on your back in between your shoulder blades keeping you pinned to the floor. You can feel his warm breath on your exposed skin as he huffs your scent. you can't see him but you know he's drooling. The attention makes you tremble, and then he pushes his thick rough tongue against your body and you moan. His tongue is thick and wet against your trembling cunt. He can't keep his hands to himself, his clawed hand wraps around your breast squeezing as he pulls you back against his hungry lapping mouth.

You can't keep your moans to yourself. The little cries of pleasure slip from your mouth only making the beast more aggressive as he eats you out. Eventually, you give up trying to even hold back the sounds or pretend that you aren't enjoying the ravishment.

It doesn't take much longer for you to cum, he doesn't pull away when you reach your peak. He pushes his tongue deep inside of you savoring the flavor of your cum and the fact that he had successfully pulled an orgasm from you just like he'd promised. His tail wags as he cleans you up, then you start getting wet again and he's not cleaning you up as much as he is eating you out again. His cock hangs heavy between his legs too big and thick for his erection to lift so it just throbs with need and drips thick beads of precum onto the clean floor.

He can't quite decide what he needs more, to jerk himself off or to keep both his hands on you. Eventually, his own ache can't be ignored and he starts to jerk himself off. it doesn't take long for him to cum the sweet flood of your cum just drives him insane. his knot swells pitifully as his semen splatters against your legs and ass dripping down to your pussy. two of his clawed fingers scoop up some of his spilled seed and push it inside of you.

"Next time I cum tonight it's going to be inside of you." It sounds like a threat, you can't wait.

[paperclipninja]

I'm gonna sound very old person yells at cloud but I don't care, I feel like I need to say this. We all (well most of us) know that messaging Neil with any headcanons/theories/wishes/hopes/dreams to do with the show is a no-go because it could potentially compromise the story he wants to tell or ends up telling. And yes, he is a grown up who chooses what to respond to etc and I think it's wonderful he engages with fans and answers a lot of lovely and interesting questions about his process, writing and journey etc.

However, there is another reason not to send theories and ideas about how the show should go to the show creator in the hope of a response: it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter whether a theory is correct, or a speculation may or may not play out. That is why fandom exists.

Online fandom is where we all come together to yell and cry and throw around weird-ass ideas and theories and look at art and read fanfic and unite in our love of characters and a show. A huge part of being in fandom, is the way fandom theories become like an understood little bit of fanon lore that some people attach to, others disregard. But it doesn't matter. And part of the fun of fandom, is when a new season or a new episode of the show comes out, you have this collective catalogue of ideas and theories and headcanons and you get to yell and scream, "omg it happened1" or "lol that that thing was ever talked about" or "thank god that theory didn't come to pass".

Wanting to know now (not that we ever will) and not wanting to wait until the next season to find out the answers diminishes the fandom experience. I cannot stress enough how much we are in the absolute peak of the fandom experience right now. The between seasons time is the ultimate time to be a part of a fandom (as I'm sure many people are well aware), knowing there's another season coming energises everyone to create and connect and speculate and it's glorious! I know it feels like it'll be like this forever, but it won't. Next season is the last and yes, there will be a flurry and uptick of all the energy and excitement once again, and I absolutely believe Good Omens fandom will live on and remain active and thrumming. But there won't be theories and what ifs and hunting for clues for the next season, and over time it will dwindle a little and plateau and some people will fall into other fandoms, and while it will probably bubble away, there won't be the anticipation that sits with us now.

My point is, fandom is where we get to throw around ideas and flail and be ridiculous and also serious sometimes, but it's all for us. For the fans. Showing Neil theories or getting in a flap about a particular speculation and asking if x, y, or z might happen isn't just about putting the creator in an awkward spot, it takes away what fandom is about. Just let this time be ours. If you haven't been in fandom before, enjoy it! Don't be in a hurry to seek definitive answers or know things either way.

It doesn't matter if any or none or all of the things that float around end up being correct or incorrect. Fandom isn't about being right. It's about being a part of a community and being able to share ideas and it's about it being FUN.

So TL;DR Stop sending Neil fan ideas because that is for fandom, not for the creator.

[harmoonix]

💃🏼 𝐕 𝐄 𝐆 𝐀 𝐒 💃🏼

Astrology Observations

💃🏼 If you have Capricorn or Aquarius Placements and you suddenly start to feel like your life turns more chaotic than ever is probably Saturn telling you that you need to change something, maybe your routine, maybe your sleep schedule, maybe your self - worth etc (Capricorn/Aqua Sun/Moon/Rising)

💃🏼 Sagittarius Sun/Moon//Rising/Venus/Lilith people easily get attached by them for their outgoing nature and spontaneous energy

💃🏼 Leo Lilith/Leo Placements they are very attractive at the first sight, they are remarkable at making good first impressions

💃🏼 Aries Sun/Venus/Rising/Mars > People always make good boundings with them, they are these main characters who always unite people

💃🏼 Pluto aspecting Mercury > These natives are always so intuitive, they can tell when someone lies to them or when they're being fooled by someone

💃🏼South Node aspecting Sun natives probably didn't focused much on themselves in a past life, you have the chance now! Same for Leo South Node

💃🏼 Mars in fire signs feels so excited, their energy grows over night, extremely passionate, everything they do is with passion and love

💃🏼 Jupiter/Sagittarius in your 11H helps you to manifest things fast, if you actually use methods of manifestation...it can be very helpful

💃🏼 Libra Mars/Mars in the 7H. These natives have one hard challenge and that is to find peace among their relationships, sometimes you tend to argue with your partners and chaos comes rapidly after

💃🏼 Aquarius Placements/11H Stellium creates beautiful friendships, their communities are so unique from a person to another

💃🏼 Moon/Sun or Mercury in the 8H are those people who stay in the shadow yet they know everything about anyone like their some detectives or spies

💃🏼 Lilith aspecting Sun, people can dislike/hate you for who you are, they secretly envy the person you are inside and cannot help it but to hate it instead

💃🏼 Lilith aspecting Mars natives can find themselves around with misogynistic/selfish/arrogant people quite too often, cut these people off from your life

💃🏼 Chiron aspecting Venus natives, people don't understand what they are going through romantically, they usually don't like to talk about their love lives if they're not feeling comfortable

💃🏼 Capricorn Chiron natives, that person who is hurt but doesn't wanna talk about it, they can get exhausted way faster than other people, pretends everything is fine when is not

💃🏼 Scorpio Lilith/Venus/Moon easily attract people who want to use them for their power or for their own benefits, your intuition can tell you the most of it

💃🏼 Venus/Lilith/Juno/Mars in the 12H can dream about their future spouses/future partners, you can aslo have a feeling of "deja-vu" when you'll met them

💃🏼 Gemini Venus/Venus in the 3rd house, their voices are so catchy!! Venus rules over your voice here and it gives you beautiful artistical talents

💃🏼 Moon in the 9th house can indicate your spouse's family can get along with you quite easily. Like not a very attached relationship but you have common respect for eachother

💃🏼 Lilith aspecting the Midheaven can be very liked by people but disliked in the same time because in way people wish to be like you

💃🏼 Lilith in Gemini/Lilith in the 3rd house gets crazyyyy, Lilith here is more communicative than ever if she doesn't like something she'll say it right

💃🏼 Jupiter aspecting Sun natives can easily be liked for their personality and aura, they have a sense of generosity in them

💃🏼 Aries Saturn and lesson with needing to have patience for the things you really want is very real, things may come for you but you need patience for that

💃🏼 I start to realize that Cancer Saturn's natives karma is not always about their family but about creating their own type of karma as well, about nurturing the family you gonna have (when you grow and have kids or a spouse)

💃🏼 Pluto in the 7H natives are literally those type of people who go through a major changing in a relationship, but be careful because a relationship can change into a good thing but also in a bad thing (If is a toxic relationship is time to say byebye)

💃🏼 I adore 10th and 11th house Venuses for standing their ground when they're in a toxic relationship. They won't stay with someone who drains their life and they know their own standards

💃🏼 If Mercury is in a fire sign or fire house the native can be brutally honest when they're talking. Like that type of honesty is rare

💃🏼 Mercury Retrograde is actually a hidden blessing because is represent "Find your voice" at the right moment you'll need it (Ofc Mercury Retrograde in a natal chart not a transitioning one)

💃🏼 Pluto aspecting Juno can get into really toxic/posesive relationships if they don't take care, actually you can be approached by people who share those traits

💃🏼 The ruler of your 9H can help you to embrace your faith way easier:

Sun - You can embrace your faith by being yourself

Venus - You can embrace your faith by loving yourself

Jupiter - You can embrace your faith by believing in yourself

Mars - You can embrace your faith if you follow your ideas/desires

Saturn - You can embrace your faith by using teaching technics

Moon - You can embrace your faith by trusting your guts and intuition

💃🏼 1st house ruler in the 11th can make you to focus more on your friends/friendships more than anything else something like "Friends over anything"

💃🏼 11th house ruler in the 10th house can indicate most of your friends working in the same job/career as you, also you can influence your friends about work and jobs

💃🏼 2 jewelry tips about your Venus!!

Venus in Air/Water Signs can wear more silver/white gemstones

Fire and Earth Signs can wear more gold/red or yellow gemstones

💃🏼 Heavy Sagittarius in your chart can indicate you have a very spontaneous personality, good jokes, good charm and catchy appearance

💃🏼 Cancer/Libra/Pisces/Virgo Moons can have watery eyes in general, their eyes play a big role in their appearance

💃🏼 Heavy Aries or Taurus in someone's chart can indicate someone who is more grounded with a leader spirit, they can just be everyone's type

💃🏼 Talking about types, men with earth Venus or Mars make sure to treat their partners with respect and love, I love that common respect they have

💃🏼 Sun in your 7H makes you to attract partners who have the same hobbies/passions as you, same goes for if you have Leo in the 7H

💃🏼 Uranus in your 5th/7th house can have unexpected relationships, like you met someone new, then someone between you 2 starts to fall in love and y'all end up in a marriage overnight

🏜️ Is Friday today so we have to party 🏜️

H a r m o o n i x

[pumpkinbxtch]

hi!!! I was wondering if you could do hcs for what arguing would be like with the HOO boys

Don't talk me like that! | headcanons

— arguing with the hoO boys

warnings: angst, language, boys being...boys

who's here: jason grace, leo valdez, frank zhang ands percy jackson.

a/n: ohh ohh ohhh, yes. I can. I love drama.

— jason grace:

To get into a real fight with him, you must have come a long way because he's so peaceful and always tries to negotiate calmly, making sure both of you communicate effectively. But at the end of the day, you're like any other couple and sometimes end up having real fights.

The big issue is Jason's nature. He goes silent when he's really upset, his emotions hard to show.

When he’s that mad, you can see it on his face. It’s scary, let’s not lie.

When the ice breaks, he tries to take charge to explain what's wrong, which often makes things worse.

He keeps his distance when you argue, tense and rigid. He’s like a handsome, angry log.

Sometimes he says things reluctantly, like "don't act childish," which is so him.

Yes, he raises his voice and gets frustrated, "no, I said NO, THAT’S NOT HOW IT IS, gods…"

If you're wondering if his powers show, the answer is NEVER, or at least not against you. His mouth might taste like metal or his fingers might spark, but that's just him being really stressed.

His eyes get cloudy and grey.

He takes off his glasses and rubs his temples while muttering.

When things finally start to work out, he breathes better and starts talking more because he knows nothing will work if he doesn’t.

He’s practical, coming up with solutions to problems.

When the fight's over, he hugs you and kisses your forehead, relieved to be out of that situation.

Can he stay mad for days? Depends on the problem, but he’d prefer it doesn't last more than a day.

— leo valdez;

Leo and you usually argue over small things because you have that kind of relationship where you bicker and tease for fun, but when things get serious, the arguments can get heated (get it? heated? laugh, please).

That’s when things get tough. He may seem easy-going, but Leo has a strong temper and is very stubborn when he's mad. Whatever made you really fight doesn't matter because he’ll be stuck on his point.

"No, that's not how it happened." You could be contradicting each other all day until you both turn away and stop talking.

"Well, screw you!" you say, and he growls back, "Yeah, you too," swearing in Spanish. "vale ma-" "me lleva la ch-"

Yes, he switches languages mid-sentence.

"I already told you no! CUANTAS VECES TENGO QUE DECIRLO, carajo!-"

If you know Spanish, you can reply; if not...

"I don’t understand you, idiot. Say it in English or fuck yourself ." (just in case because you’re not sure what he said)

Swearing is common if he's really mad, but it's more his way of dealing with it than being mad at you.

That or sharp sarcasm.

Yes, he might cry if the argument is really bad.

His rigid feelings and insecurity can come up.

Leo is attached, so he’s constantly thinking of ways to fix it because he can’t stand being away from you for too long.

He keeps his distance, terrified of hurting you with his powers, which makes him nervous. "No, DON’T COME NEAR ME." It's for your safety, but it hurts him to see the look in your eyes when he says it.

Can he stay mad for days? Absolutely, but he misses you a lot, though his pride might keep him from showing it.

Don’t worry, he’ll eventually sit down to talk it out, and you’ll both calm down and fix things.

Then he'll give you a big hug and kiss your cheeks.

— frank zhang:

it’s hard to imagine: WHAT DID YOU DO TO FIGHT?

Yes, Frank is Mars’s son, but he’d never choose the battlefield for his lover. He’s very careful and always considerate, but yeah he can be severe when things get bad, and when isn't enough just have a serious talk.

You end up fighting in not-so-quiet whispers, with your faces and gestures being the most expressive.

"Of course not, I already told you, hey!" He raises his hands, and his body tenses up threateningly.

Frank tries to understand your point and make himself heard, always mindful of both your feelings. He knows how to set boundaries.

Sometimes, he just can’t take it anymore and signals a pause. "You know what? This is getting too much, and neither of us is in the best shape. Let’s talk tomorrow or later, please."

Does he raise his voice? Hardly, only when he really needs to make a point.

His eyes are bright, tinged with sadness and anger. The deadliest is his calm face or the way he slightly curls his lip, almost growling.

His eyebrows always seem to be touching, even if he doesn’t want them to.

He keeps a cool head to solve things.

Can he stay mad for days? Yes, while clearing his mind and thinking. He’ll come up to you, and you’ll talk it out, making things work in the end.

He’ll take your hand. You might feel guilty for pushing a guy like Frank to his limit, but he doesn’t mind having relationship problems with you:

"I hope we fight many more times, but about totally different things because it means we’ve really solved the previous issues."

— percy jackson:

wtf did you both do to get into a fight?

Percy won't waste a second, trying to resolve it immediately by asking and reflecting on his own actions. "What did I do wrong?" if it was his fault. "Can you listen to me for a second?" if it was you.

He hates being mad at you, just can’t stand it. But if the fight starts, he wants to start or finish it (or both).

Yes, he might cry.

Yes, he might raise his voice. "No, I didn't do anything. LISTEN TO ME."

Then he apologizes for it because he lost it.

He tries to hold your hands and says, "Babe, babe…"

He makes you both breathe and talk calmly.

He argues, of course, but differently. He’ll stop the conversation. "You know what? I'll think about it." He leaves or makes you leave.

Consequently, he might stay mad for days, or both of you might be mad at each other, but he’s thinking of what to say rather than just calming down. (Nothing wrong with that, everyone handles feelings differently and that's valid.)

Yes, he asks his mom.

Yes, he asks Paul.

You both end up fixing things, and he hugs you tight, giving you kisses all over your face while pouting.

"I missed you, babe."

[sashi-ya]

𝑪𝑼𝑻𝑺 𝑶𝑭 𝑭𝑹𝑬𝑬𝑫𝑶𝑴 「 part 1 」 soshiro hoshina x f! officer! reader

a/n: yes! first Kaiju no. 8 fic ever! idk how many of you would like to read from Kaiju but I've been obsessed with it lately, and especially with Soshiro. it's pretty short and wrote it cause I needed to think of other things after studying. So yeah, enjoy! tw: there aren't "sex" scenes, however mdni as it has suggestive language, nudity and mature content. (thank god for this manga having almost every character above 25!). Pretty much inspired on Soshi's backstory from Kaiju no 8 side B, so expect fluff too. what happened on the following days? more Soshiro smut, here. masterlist

“I can’t take the suit off” you murmur, trying to lower the front zipper. The mission took much more than what you expected, and the kaiju stench is making you nauseous.

For the time being, most of your squad members have already jumped into the showers. But you, still trying to get out of the suit, haven’t.

“I… this shit… why is it not working?” you protest, forcing the zipper more and more, but it hasn’t been able to go down past the beginning of your chest.

You try to look for the intercom; pressing it to call the Operations leader Konomi, will surely help you out with the captive suit. But, you can’t find it. Did you lose the little intercom before coming back to the base? Or did it fell around there?

Everything seems to be flaunting tonight. It’s late, you are tired. You’ve been hit several times by different Kaiju, but none of them -luckily- was able to injure you.

However, you begin to feel an incredible -and uncontrollable- heat coming from the suit itself and reaching the inner layers of your skin and organs.

You don’t panic. At first.

You definitely panic two minutes later, when the heat is unbearable and the pain in such restrictive jail is almost deadly.

“Help…” you whine, not loud enough to be heard by anyone else. Or at least, definitely not enough to be listened over the lively chattering coming from the showers.

But it hurts, as much as the acid of those despicable monsters when their core explode. And it really begins to interfere with your breathing, and thus, with your consciousness.

“Help me… I’m burning…” you scream louder this time. But no one comes, and your knees hit the ground in pain.

Tears flood up your eyes, your nails aren’t enough to tear the thick skin of Izumo Techs’ innovative suit. No guns are enough, probably, even if you had the chance to go grab yours… it wouldn’t be useful.

You pray, you wish for someone to cut that trap into pieces.

“H- help… me…” “WHAT IS IT?!”

In between blurred eyes and painful frown, you device an angel of slanted eyes and deep purple hair.

“I… the suit… it’s boiling… it’s overheating… I can’t take it off” you grasp a little bit of air and try to communicate -effectively- the reason of your suffering.

“Stay quiet” he commands, and you comply. There is nothing you wouldn’t do to go against his orders.

An immediate relief comes with enough cuts that you couldn’t even see. Completely naked, completely soaked in sweat. There you lay, panting, with still stings of pain reverberating all over your skin.

“Come here” he says, ripping the remaining pieces off the suit still ferally attached to your burning skin. And as feral as the suit is, the feral his hands are when ripping its pieces away.

“Vice-captain Hoshina… th-thank you…” you cry, completely unaware of your impure show off.

His eyes open widely, and for the first time you see the beautiful bloody irises he usually keeps hidden away. But his expression is not jovial, nor even neutral. He is by far worried.

Probably for the first time in ages, the blades have fallen to the ground and with those same hands he saved your life he hurries to carry you to the men’s showers.

At the speed of light, cold water begins to gush from the showerheads. Your body feels instant relief; so much there is even some vapor coming from your skin.

As it bathes you, it also bathes him.  Completely dressed, Soshiro gets drenched in the same water as you. And, as his hair becomes wet, one of his hands moves it out of his face, revealing his façade completely.

Your arms hang from his shoulders into his back. Your knees, fight to keep you standing up even if the one actually holding you up is no other than him.

Soshiro is completely mute, and so do you. There is, maybe, no need to speak.

He lets his jacket slide through his shoulders to finally fall into the shower’s floor. The compressive shirt underneath gets also wet, becoming something like a second skin of him. Showing off the hours of training, and why he is the vice-captain of your division.

Immorally, you that were on the brink of death a couple of minutes ago, now feel in heaven because of your saviour. Because of your blades wielding hero.

Once again, he was able to save a life with those thinly cut masses of iron.

His hand, with soft but still steady pace, clean something off your back. And for that your breasts are pressed against his chest. You can see his neck from the side, as he tries to take a deeper look at your shoulder blades. You inhale the scent of his skin, a mix of sweat from the last battle and manly hints of fresh perfume.

“You got them almost engraved on your skin. What the fuck? The suits aren’t supposed to hurt you this way” he whispers, close to your ear. “We should go to the medical pavilion, now” he adds.

You nod, feeling how everything has started to spin around you and your stamina decreases more and more.

“Thank you, Soshi- Hoshina fuku Taichou…” you babble, realizing your faces are closer that what they should ever be and your arms and his are interlocked pretty strongly to the other’s body.

He takes a deep breath through his tiny nose, looking at you with lazy eyes. Just a tiny line of red is visible, as tiny as the opening of his lips that let prominent fangs barely flash.

Soshiro’s chest goes up and down, harder every time. His muscles tense more and more, especially the ones on his neck. His hug gets even tighter, pulling you so closer that ever before.

“It’s… ok…” he barely words; something is affecting that man… and it’s probably all your body, all your still warm skin being his for at least a couple of minutes, the way your lips have become red and pouty, your sloppy eyes and the warmth of your breath closer to his mouth.

“What happened!!??” “Vice-captain?!” “are you two allr-“ the girls scream in terror. Probably, once they were out of the showers they faced the dantesque scenery of blades lying on the ground and a anti kaiju suit completely destroyed and fuming scattered all over the floor.

Within seconds, not only the officers of squad 3 have reached the place but also the men. Some of them, thinking not the worst… but probably that Hoshina fuku Taichou and you have finally caved in for lust.

With a fast reaction, Soshiro grabs the coat of his own uniform to cover you up. And with a much more severe tone ever heard, he orders Kikoru to call Mina and Okomi and let them know he is taking a badly injured officer to the medical pavilion. As for the rest, a scary deadly look over his shoulder was enough to make them run away from the place allowing him to pass.

You, however, couldn’t quite experience such happenings, as your consciousness had fade away right before your comrades arrived.

A soft white light shines in between your shut eyes; the sound of unknown solitude reaches your ears as well as the synchronic beep of your heart reflected on a machine.

“What-“ you mumble, regaining consciousness. Your body feels cold, and you are thankful for that. Your limbs are heavy, but you can move them. Your lips and mouth are dry, but you smile as you remember vague flashes of Soshiro and you under the shower.

You finally open your eyes to discover you are indeed at some kind of medical facility, soon remembering this is the place you all come when you are severely injured after battle.

Everything on your body seems to be on its place, and for that you breathe alleviated. Thankful to your hero, you wonder how to thank him when you are out of here… or maybe, you just plan to leave the squad as he has seen you completely naked.

“I didn’t know you were awake already” a well-known voice scares you away. You try to stand up, but his hand stops you from doing so.  “I couldn’t sleep, I was worried for you” he says, with that sweet funny tone he often uses to communicate.

There is, as far as you could see, anyone around but you and him. Soshiro, who apparently couldn’t sleep, has come to see you.

Your cheeks burn, and it’s not because of a defective suit now. It is because, you are deeply embarrassed, and still, something inside you is jumping with genuine happiness to see him here.

“I’m ok, Sir. But.. you didn’t have to come! I’m deeply thankful for you saving my life, and I promise you I will replace the uniform you got all wet” you say, trying to look away from him who has came closer to your bed.

Soshiro bursts out laughing, the way he only knows how to. He grabs his stomach, and soon flashes of the way those abs looked with wet fabric sticked to them, makes you shiver.

“You- you should worry for your own suit! Not mine!” he continues laughing while, little by little, he ends up sitting right on the bed. “By the way, you know why your suit almost killed you?” he asks.

You swallow. What- why is he sitting next to you?

 You shake your head in denial, out of words, because you couldn’t think of a reason for such big flaw on that impressive technological miracle.

Soshiro, who is well known for being at least a little bit irreverent -and that’s exactly what you love the most about him-, gets himself comfortable next to you. He lies back, as you move to the side to make him some space.

Now, the scent of his skin is clean and delicious -even more than earlier-. And you can smell it, because there isn’t much room to be separated on a single bed.

“Well… you had a piece of Kaiju tooth stuck on your lower back. Therefore, the suit either processed it as a threat or… it reacted with the pieces of kaiju within it. In any case, you will be given a new one in a couple of days” he tells you, with his right arm stuck underneath the back of his head.

His bicep, perfectly moulded to be strong, but still lightweight to be as agile as possible, protrudes with the hem of the compression shirt around it. Does he really know how sexy he looks? Or he is absolutely unaware of the effects he has?

“Oh…” you sigh. You take it as a personal failure; how were you not able to see it? “Don’t worry, this incident helped them to investigate further security measures… however, isn’t your back hurting?” he asks, this time turning to you.

You deny, again, without any words coming from your mouth. But there isn’t much you could do, when Soshiro turns you around so that your back faces him.

“You do, in fact, have a big bruise. I should report this, too” he comments, as his soft index travels down your spine, to the small of your back.

Your eyes, opened big enough to look like moons, have stopped seeing all around and all you can think of is the proximity of that man to you.

“You good?” he murmurs, ignorant of everything happening to your body. “Ye-yes, vice-captain. I wanna thank you for taking care of us the way you do; hadn’t been for you, I’d be dead by now…” you pull those words from who knows where, even if your muscles seem paralyzed from his touch. Your speech sounds like those you give when you follow commands during battle.

He laughs; this time softer and sweeter. You can feel his body coming closer, enough to feel the tip of his nose grazing your neck.

“We should have each other’s backs in here, or else… but most importantly, being told my blades will not be useful to fight and protect, you remind me once again that they indeed can” he whispers, making your skin shiver.

It’s clear that he wants you. And you want him, too.  And you always knew, and he always knew. And all of them, too.  Why, just now, on a place where you should be monitored, there were nobody around if not?

“Can I rest here for a minute?” he asks, as his forehead lands on your nape. “All the time you want, Vice-captain” you answer back, smiling softly.

You slowly relax, as his hand slides in the most delicate way towards your belly to hug you. Your hand, also delicate, fall on top of his, confirming how much you would love for him to touch you like this forever.

“Call me Soshiro when we are like this, ok?” he murmurs, planting the first kiss right on your shoulder.

You turn around, slowly. Even if you would love to stay the way you were, you can’t stop yourself from wanting to see his face.

“Soshiro…” you whisper, coming closer to his lips. “That’s better…” he smiles, kindly.

And one kiss, and then another came by… and thankfully, that night, there were no more Kaiju around.

[nsharks]

bleeding blue | apocalypse au

part twenty-one —other parts

pairing: Simon “Ghost” Riley x fem!reader words: 3.5k tags: death. blood. cannibalism mention. zombies of course. AFAB reader. single dad ghost. there will be sex but it isn’t here yet. slow burn!!! enemies to lovers. summary: After losing your companions, you run into a skull-masked man and his daughter. They are your last hope for survival. a/n: I'm sorry lmaooo nine months... hopefully we can finish this thing!

The last bed you laid in smelled like lemon mint detergent. It was the full bed in your sister's guest room. Everything was crisp and white. They rarely had guests besides you. Some of your clothes stayed in that closet, one of your toothbrushes stayed in the connected bathroom, waiting for your visits. You'd awaken that last morning not thinking you'd never sleep in bed for another five years. You left it unmade.

This bed smells like pine and warmth.

Ghost's room is small and dimly lit. The ceiling slants so that one end is not tall enough for him to fully stand. There's a dresser and a nightstand, leaving only a sliver of floorspace.

After the metal latch on the door clicks shut, Ghost lays the blanket down and grabs a pillow for himself. That leaves the bed to you. Springs creak beneath your weight as you silently slip under a heavy, rustic quilt. The years-embedded scent of him wraps around you like a drug-induced fog. You hesitate to move, frozen as he flicks off the light. You wonder if he always locks the door or did it for you, to make you feel safer.

Only when his moving about ceases do you allow yourself to get comfortable. You cocoon your body under the quilt and turn to your side, closing your eyes.

A thought reopens them minutes later. You roll onto your back and speak into the darkness. "Have you known about this Switzerland place?"

For a moment, you think he's already asleep. Then, from below the bed by your feet, he says, "Heard of it."

"That is what you guys talked about, isn't it?" you ask absentmindedly.

"Among other things."

You sit up so you can see him, but all that you can make out is a dark shadow. "Care to share?"

"Some things are on a need-to-know basis," is all he gives.

"And I don't need to know?"

"Precisely."

It stings; you don't know why. "Some team we make, huh? Or I guess we're only a team when you need me to do something for you."

You quickly realize how petulant you must sound. The shadow sits upright. "They asked me to go with them. I said no. Too far. Too many variables that are hard to predict, and she's not ready for them. Happy?"

Happy—no, but relief replaces the slight uncertainty in your gut since your conversation with Nereida. Joining them was shut down. You wouldn't tell her, but their idea sounds asinine, whether or not that commune exists. The trip will be risky at best, fatal at worst. You're tempted to ask him how many days he thinks they'll recoup here before continuing their journey, but opt for sleep instead. He seems done with the conversation, too, lying back down. Then, you have the best sleep you've had in years in his bed.

When the sun turns pink, you awaken to a room void of Ghost. He's gone. It should be expected, but you'd thought he might wake you up to train like normal. Though, the past twenty-four hours haven't been normal. You look around, the details of his room more visible now. On the nightstand, there is a stack of books and you scan the titled spines. Mostly classics. One Hemingway. All tattered and read frequently. Beside them lays a silver chain attached to a dog tag. You gently finger the engraved metal so as not to move it out of place: Simon Riley. 

Snooping through his things is more tempting than you're willing to admit. You slip out of bed, socked feet padding over to the dresser. There are mostly papers. His map with the marked circle around what you now realize is Switzerland, a notepad with scribbled half-cursive on it, and then a faded photo beneath it. You freeze, breath hitching, as if you've done something dangerous just by stumbling upon it. Curiosity is thick in your chest, difficult to ignore. Gentle fingers reach to shift it out, revealing a picture that you know right away is of Blue and her mom. Blue is a baby. Maybe one year old. A woman with light brown hair holds her up, sitting on a bench in front of a playground. She's pretty and young. There is a sadness when you wonder if this is the only picture he has of them—before her death. Then, there is another feeling. You swallow it. 

You quickly slip the photo back just the way you found it and leave the room. The living room is quiet, people still sleeping. Price and Kyle's blankets are empty, but Kyle is the only one you spot outside. He sits on a tree stump, using a knife and some soap to shave his beard. He looks at you the moment you step outside.

"Good morning." He splashes a scoop of water on his smoothed jaw. 

You tuck your hands in your pockets. "Morning."

Without the facial hair, he looks even younger. Maybe in his early thirties. He pushes to his feet and you are reminded of his above-average height, though he is not as monstrous as Ghost. His form is lean, all muscle, with much less ink on his exposed skin. It is now you notice a scar across his jaw. Thick but faded. It trails halfway down his neck.

"Do you know where Ghost went?" you ask.

"Working on that truck of his. With Price."

A glance over your shoulder confirms it; you spot some movement behind the cabin where you know his truck sits. Guess that means no training. You nod. "So, um, you were in the military together, right?"

He takes a moment to look at you before answering. "Yeah. Same unit. Price was our captain."

"I kind of figured. He is... captain-y."

"'Captain-y.' Good way of putting it."

You're ready to turn away when he asks, "I hate to pry, but I admit I'm curious how you ended up here with him."

You force a smile. "It's not a very interesting story, sorry."

"I'm not looking for entertainment."

"What are you looking for, then?" You sound more defensive than you mean to. 

He shrugs. "Just curious, is all. You're a bit young."

"I'm not fucking him if that's what you're getting at." His brows lift to his hairline, and you're almost embarrassed for assuming that is what he was thinking, but before he can speak you add, "And you're young, too. I can handle myself just as you can."

"Of course." He shakes his head, moving his hand over his chest in earnest. "I apologize if I insinuated otherwise. Though, I am older than you."

"How old?"

"Let's see. Thirty-one last November. Or maybe it's just thirty. Hard to keep track, innit?" His smile is more genuine than yours, flashing white teeth. Then, his face turns more serious and he sighs through his nose, head tilting. "Look, I understand."

"Understand what?"

"I don't know your story, but I'm sure it is a gruesome one, and you have every right to feel uncomfortable. We'll be out of your hair soon enough. I appreciate you having us, though."

You want to tell him it's not like you have a choice; you're not the host here. But he already knows that. He's trying to be nice. "Thank you," you tell him honestly. 

Kyle bends to pick up his knife, wiping it off on his shirt. "So what did you need Ghost for?"

"Oh, nothing really."

"Care to accompany me for some breakfast, then?"

You consider saying no, but you need to hunt, anyway. Besides, you don't think he'd try anything in broad daylight. In another life, you may have looked at him with a more appreciative eye. But as you wade in silence through the woods, bow cinched to your back, you study him like an opponent. He's more agile than Ghost, likely quicker. When he crests the hill, it's hard to match his strides. 

Small conversation picks up by the pond and you find yourself easing up. You learn he's from London, too.

"What part?"

"Islington. I shared an apartment with my girlfriend. The rent was shit but it was worth it. Top floor loft with a good view and this insane Turkish bakery just below us." His tone is so casual you forget where you are for a second, until he suddenly throws his knife. It pins a squirrel to one of the trees. He bends to dislodge it and carries the dead animal, blood on his fingers. 

You keep walking. "What happened to her?"

"I had to make a choice. Go to London and find her, or go with Price and get my nephew, niece, and sister-in-law."

The understanding hits with the force of a fallen tree, and you pale. 

He notices your expression and continues. "I don't regret my decision. I've come to terms with it. There was no chance of me finding her in London, not with how quickly the infection spread there and the phone lines went out. I didn't even know where to look for her. At work? Home? Up north, things weren't as bad yet. I got in contact with my sister-in-law, Ameena, and told her to meet us at the small college up there where Nereida worked."

You recall what Nereida said, about Ari's mom and sister dying, so you don't pry about them. "What about your brother? Ari's dad?"

"He died before shit happened. He was in the military, too. Different unit. Multiple gun wounds while in Afghanistan a few years back."

"I think your story is more gruesome than mine," you admit.

His lips twitch ruefully. "Not a competition. Gruesome world, gruesome stories."

A more comfortable quiet settles. He is not so different than you, you realize. Only difference is he still has his nephew to look after.

The sun is already high, enough to make a collar of sweat appear on your shirt. There is a small dirt ridge you have to climb and the effort reminds you of the still-healing bruises on your body. A skirt of movement catches your eye and this time, you act quick. You use your bow to kill a squirrel up on a branch. It falls to the ground.

"Damn." Kyle whistles, low and long, as you wriggle the arrow free. "Hell of an aim you got."

"I'm... alright."

"No need to be modest."

You straighten and wipe your bloodied hand on your shirt. The movement lifts it, and you hear him suck in a breath behind you. A hand touches your shoulder, gentle than firm, as he spins you around. You're confused, then follow his gaze to the sliver of exposed skin on your hip. It's a gross yellow. 

"Twix." His voice lowers, and his friendly eyes are confused. 

Shit. "It's not whatever you're thinking."

"I'm thinking someone has put their hands on you." He frowns and shifts closer. "I know you have no reason to tell me things, but I can tell you I am not okay with that shit, no matter who it is."

You inwardly cringe. "Ghost is not... hitting me. Well, he is—"

"Fucking hell—"

"No, no. I asked him to." The bewildered look on his face makes you palm your forehead. "Not like that. Jesus. We train together, okay?"

"Train together," he repeats, shoulders loosening. 

"Yeah, like to help me get stronger." The embarrassment remains on your cheeks. "It's silly, really."

Kyle shakes his head and grins, clearly amused now that he knows you're not being abused against your will. "Not silly. Thought you two were into some kinky shit for a second there." He continues walking over a patch of dryer land, stepping onto a small rock and chuffing a breath under his nose. "Wouldn't have been surprised."

Your fingers absentmindedly tighten around the squirrel's limp neck. Your feet are frozen for a moment as you shake off a deep blush, then call out behind him. "Did you miss the part where I said I'm not fucking him!"

He simply laughs. 

The rest of the day passes in languid warmth. 

It's weird having so many people here, but you try to continue your day like usual, skinning the kill and washing your clothes. You learn more about Nereida as you eat together. You haven't had a female friend in... a long time. Save Blue. She used to be an arts professor at a private school. Sculpting, mainly. That is how she came to meet John Price, when he attended one of her galleries, buying a piece from her for far more than the listing price. He was just looking for a way to take me out to dinner. The way she speaks of him is that of a doting wife, despite everything they've been through. She tells you they were engaged before the infection. A makeshift ceremony at their old camp was the best they could do. 

"No wedding ring, but we do both have this." She pulls up her sleeve to show you a small scar carved on her shoulder—a faint letter 'J'. Price has the 'N'.

You're not sure what Ghost needed to fix on his truck that morning, or why it was important to do it with Price, but when you returned with Kyle, something felt off. Ghost's tension was palpable. He usually seems in thought, but even more-so. When Ari takes Blue for a quick ride on the horse—apparently Cherry used to be owned by his parents on their family ranch in Newcastle—he watches for only a minute before disappearing somewhere with Price. You pretend to need something from the cabin. You sneak around the back way, finding them again by his truck, muttering in low voices. Only pieces reach your ears.

"...through the rural parts. Not a straight path..."

"...could take months..."

"Got quite a bit of those."

Then, he's showing Price something under the tuck bed's tarp where you catch sight of that kayak once again. 

"Find it?"

A low voice in your ear. You startle and turn around.

"Huh?"

Kyle raises a brow. "You said you needed something."

Your hand flattens against the side of the cabin. "Right. Um, I just—"

Boots scuffle behind you. You don't need to turn to know Ghost and Price have detected your presence, making their way over. Kyle's gaze flicks to them and you feel like a child who's been caught by her parents—embarrassment laced over your irritation. You wouldn't have been eavesdropping if they weren't so secretive.

"Everything alright?" Price's timbre is calm. Your neck prickles where you feel Ghost's stare.

You find yourself nodding. "Yes. Just fine. Sorry."

It gets cooler by nightfall. Your knee bounces slightly under the table during dinner. You listen to Blue explain the rules of battleship to Ari. You don't eat much more of the meat you caught with Kyle. With a mostly empty stomach, you enter Ghost's room after everyone else has gone to bed. His broad form hovers over his dresser. For a moment, you fear he's somehow noticed that you looked at his things earlier. But then you realize his eyes are glued to the map, and he's penciling some things on the margins.

He looks up when you close the door behind you. His brows are deeply knotted. 

"Figured you would be sleeping out there for tonight."

"What?"

"Seems like you feel just fine around them now." 

He looks away from you as if you're not even there. He places the map down and opens the top drawer. Without warning, he pulls out a clean shirt and changes, revealing his bare chest. His shoulders flex as he slips it over his head by the collar. Then, he moves toward you, eyes dully expectant.

"Being asleep near them is different than hanging out during the day," you finally respond. Mouth feeling dry, you swallow. "What's going on? I can tell that you... you've been thinking about something."

"You mean you've been listening." His brow lifts. He shakes his head before you can defend yourself. "I am always thinking about something."

"Would it kill you to not be cryptic for once? I thought that we were..."

"That we were what?"

"Being honest with each other now."

A dark, slightly amused breath leaves his nose. He contemplates your words for a moment. "It is my plan to go there," he then says. "I'm not stupid. I know she needs more than what I can offer her here. It has always been my plan. Just not now."

"Because she's not ready," you breathe.

"Because she's not ready," he repeats, chin tilting. His eyes darken, veering to the left. "Price seems to disagree."

Your nails curl in your palms. "And?"

He looks back at you. "And I am thinking of your camp. What happened to you. I can't grow complacent."

The mention unsettles your stomach. Of course, he needn't elaborate, not when the memory is more fresh than you'd like. "But going to Switzerland would take days, weeks. And they have no idea what they might run into out there. It's not like we have inside info on the state of France and—and wherever the hell else we'd have to cross through to get there. They could be worse than London."

"I'm aware."

"So what, then? You're considering it now? I thought you told them no," your hushed voice edges a bit harsher, and the pulse in your neck quickens.

You hate what you think he's saying, even if you understand it. He has his daughter's future to think of. Even if he were to try finding some safe community when she's older, the opportunity of traveling with two other military-experienced men would be gone, along with whatever weapons and supplies they bring to the table.

The contemplation is vivid in his eyes as you study them. Ghost's head lowers, dipping down at the same time that he emits a harsh breath, and you realize how close the two of you have become in this quiet exchange, keeping your voices safe from any awakened ears. So close, in fact, that his exhalation hits the space between your neck and collarbones, where a small patch of skin tingles with alertness. 

His voice emerges low and thoughtful after a drawn moment. "I haven't fully decided."

You nod with deep breath to steady yourself, taking in his answer. "Will you tell me when you do?" 

"I can do that."

And that's all he offers—four words that give a minuscule amount of comfort, because now bitter uncertainty has snuck upon you once again. Your fate lays in his decision. You can't survive on your own, not even here, so if he leaves you have to go with him. The impending doom fogs your brain. You fail to notice his hand has moved, pinching the hem of your shirt between thumb and forefinger, and beginning to carefully lift it up. A breath hitches at the top of your throat and your eyes unfurl, only to find that he is pensively looking down at your exposed stomach.

"What the fuck are you—"

You're cut off when his bent knuckles gently brush over your mottled abdomen, sweeping down the sore midline, leaving you frozen. It's a thoughtful, slow touch—calloused skin against smooth softness. His thumb traces a particularly bad one by your hip, causing your muscles to flutter as a pleasant heat blossoms. For the second time today, your bruises are under scrutiny, and you curse yourself for not applying more of that paste on them.

"They're healing well," he murmurs, more to himself than to you, and lowers the shirt back down. He steps back. Eyes find yours. "Don't get too comfortable."

You blink dazedly, then stiffen. "Um, what?"

"Sleeping in my bed. My room isn't a hotel."

The change of topic gives you whiplash. "You're the one who made me sleep here," you remind him pointedly. "I'll just take the floor tonight, and you have the bed."

"You're a woman. Take it."

"As if you give a fuck about being a gentleman."

"You're right, I don't." A dismissive shoulder shrugs, then his back turns to you. He lays in the bed before you have the chance to even move, which leaves the blanket on the floor for you.

You should've just accepted the bed.

Once the room is shrouded in darkness, you bury your head in the pillow. 

"Comfortable?" he says sarcastically above you.

"Fuck off."

Then it's silent. You don't sleep nearly as well.