#or even unsupportive
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i have so many conflicting emotions rn and itās honestly making it hard for me to want to stay on here anymore. i know iāve left and come back before, like thatās not new for me, but i feel like iām losing myself.
thereās so much pressure (mostly self-inflicted) to post as often as possible and to make these giant powerhouse fics like other writers do, and i just canāt do either of those things. thatās not where my ātalentā lies. i donāt have fics where the characters are fully fleshed out people with personalities and lives and shit. iām a one-and-done writer and i never used to think that was a bad thing until recently.
and on top of that, there are certain fics iām not sure iām comfortable reading anymore and that makes me feel like absolute shit bc i want to show support to my fellow writers, but there are some fics with particular content within them that can be slightly (or fully) triggering for me. iāve tried to just soldier through them in the name of support, but itās really taking a toll on me, mentally and emotionally.
all of this along with real life (as in, outside of this app) stresses and anxieties iām having to deal with and coddle until things get back to normal for me.
it feels like nothing is going well in every aspect of my life right now and iām really fighting the impulse to disappear off of social media for the umpteenth time. iāve made too many amazing friends for me to just dip like that again. literally, yāall (friends and followers) are the one reason i havenāt already left this time.
idk what the purpose of this post was tbh. an update??? i guess? and also maybe a little bit of insight or something. i donāt fuckin know. but i do wanna say that i love each and every one of you so much and i wish i was better at being a person.
#i havenāt really spoken to anyone about all of this either bc i donāt wanna be a burden#or sound whiny or like a cry baby#or even unsupportive#idk#everything is so much#i really have no clue how to navigate social media and my mental health#at the same time#or even how to navigate / nurture these new friendships without feeling like iām being fucking annoying#IDK IDK IDK IDK!!!!!#poppy speaks
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āSam is so observant and emotionally intelligent!ā is such an insane take I cannot understand how it became fanon.
The Sam who told Dean at the end of Nightmare that all things considered they got lucky with John (and didnāt even notice Deanās reaction)? The Sam who had no clue Dean got sent to a boys home for stealing food to feed him? The Sam who tried to treat Deanās widower grief with breakfast beer and strippers? The Sam who wonāt open up about his own issues but immediately gets frustrated and pushy when Dean wants to keep his feelings to himself?
Thatās the super observant, emotionally intelligent genius whoās going to guide everyone else to emotional enlightenment in like 90% of fanfics? Write whatever you want, obviously, but also wtf Supernatural were you all watching????
#one of my least favorite fanon tropes and itās everywhere!#sam is not going to explain deanās own feelings to him gtfo of here!#sam doesnāt have a clue what deanās feelings are!#iām not anti sam but iām definitely anti that version of sam#this doesnāt even scratch the surface of how unsupported this take is#supernatural
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dont do this to me. im so fucking glad this didnt actually happen
#he was a shitty unsupportive husband#a scene of him explaining to her how he was good all along wouldve made me kill ppl.#i dont think its satisfying to have mon in this relationship she clearly did Not want for herself woth someone we are shown she has#no reason to trust. and juust have him be like. š„ŗ okayy but you Couldve trusted me#maybe you shouldn't have let your wife become completely alienated from you BC OF UR SHITTY POLITICIAN FRIENDS LIKE I REALLY DK WHY SHE#should have trusted perrin.#and like yes u can argue this is interesting writing . but . i argue that its not. thank you#mon mothma#I EVEN DID . THINK IT WAS INTERESTING THE WAY THEY SEEMED CLOSER OVER THE LAST COUPLE YEARS SINCE THE WEDDING BUT LIKE#idk it just feels like patting mon on the head like shhhhut up ur marriage wasnt even bad. see. your husband didnt rat you out to the isb.#if they wanted perrin redemption that conversation shouldve been him apologizing for not being trustworthy. not just . saying.#you know you couldve trusted me. IM RAMBLING BUT ONCE AGAIN NO SHE DIDNT KNOW THAT.#she shouldve been like . okay perrin you did the bare minimum. im still leaving you
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No canon ships means post-canon is anyoneās game
#and as far as canon content goes bkdk has feasted the entire last half of the story#and especially in the war#so I am happy to fill in the blanks myself#I think thatās worlds better than a ship sailing that is underdeveloped and a little bit unsupported in canon#but to be quite frank#even if izu*cha did sail#bkdk would still have room to end up end game#bkdk#bakudeku
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None of you understands my plight, how will Soren and Terry interact?
#tdp#tdp soren#tdp terry#tdp claudia#tdp s7#Will Terry judge Soren because of his derision of dark magic?#will they bond over their refusal to acknowledge negative emotions????#will they bond over their concern and love of Claudia?#will they vive because theyāre kindred spirits who have undergone trauma and persevered because of their positive attitudes!?!?#*vibe#so many ways it could go#or maybe Terry will see Soren as unsupportive#or!!!!#Soren will see Terry as a horrid enabler that only encourages Claudia further down a dark path#ougghh#it could be so supportive or toxic#also lmaaoo does Soren even know Terry is Claudiaās boyfriend?#I canāt remember#hilarious either way
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sitting here scheming (and by that, i mean developing anya's mother as an OC)
#ooc.#my ideas about anyas parents have evolved a lot over the past half year because i used to have her parents as unsupportive#but like now i think i definitely need to give her a sweet mom. even if she's not 100% modern. she'd still Care!#dad's still an asshole though. <3
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don't let an art ed major watch Carmen sandiego 2019 I've been stewing on how they used stylized images of Vermeer's work & discussing the technical strength of the light rendering in them YET they never show real images of the paintings to demonstrate the point. BOOOOOO L L L š
#nobody in discord cares about my carmen sandiego live watch so you guys get to hear it instead whether u like it or not#its just i cant get it out of my mind how you cant discuss an artwork and like. not show the real thing !!!!#im fine with the sylized version being used in more animated segments to keep everything feeling in the same universe style#but i think for moments like. when they zoom in or that segment where they talk about regional facts shouldve had the real images#theyre like. public domain arent they. why not use them. cmon#i love the look of the show sm but its supposed to also be educational & its a problem if the go all style no function#i kinda even think for the regional facts segments they should use real images & footage#to help viewers connect the information taught in the show to real life#but honestly ive been fine with the stylized little icons and stuff they used for those moments . up until now#and maybe i only noticed this issue in the educational format when it started crossing into what im literally studying for a degree in#rando thoughtz#i forgot to mention i think that when youre literally discussing a visual aspect of an artwork#not showing the real artwork just leaves the point unsupported and thus why i think its a poor art teaching moment in the show
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Btw, since at least 2017, Iāve been a firm believer in Gerson x Gaster old man yaoi, but yāall arenāt ready for that take.
#Undertale#deltarune#w d gaster#gerson boom#Iām certain Iām not the first person to come up with this#Iām not even 100% sure how this first occurred to me?#I think it was when I was thinking about an Underswap rewrite#and I was like#what if the old Royal Guard mentor and the last Royal Scientist were switched?#and maybe they both mentored different skeleton bros#and maybe thatās because they were the pairās kids#it was a very dumb and very unsupported theory#and now itās like#a lot more supportable
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What does Mallard think of Spencer? I just wanna see more of your Mallard <3<3
as taken from this post:
"mallard is a special case. he doesnāt care about what hatedom spencer is doing or what he does because mallard believes he deserves better than to pay attention to any of the gresley drama. oftentimes mallardās the provocator that pushes spencerās buttons juuust enough to start the hating reaction out of him and then back out to say āsee I told you spencerās a nutjobā to anyone nearby (usually ryan)"
in addition, mallard thinks lowly of spencer. sure, he's the duke and duchess of boxford's special chauffeur who looks untouchable, but mallard knows exactly what to say or do to make spencer's posh, collected persona crumble and paint him as some violent, brash ticking time bomb in front of his peers. why? he's tired of spencer getting everything handed to him on a silver platter and believes he is delivering some kind of retribution to spencer for everything he's said and done (not that mallard cares about how gordon and scott have been hurt by him. it's mostly to satisfy his own boredom)
trying to tell your brother to stop being a huge jerk which always fails again and again isn't fun! however annoying and humiliating him in front of the people he's trying to impress, is.
spencer's heartbeat quickens whenever he spots mallard in a 50 yard range
#asks#b1anketplask#ttte mallard#ttte spencer#senjart#casa tidmouth#SODOR'S WORST HATER AND HIS BROTHER MAL ODENKIRK GO TOE TO TOE#seriously spencer's side of the gresley family is extremely horrible and unsupportive. like horrendous even
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The whole discourse about the privacy/secrecy/support thing has been sitting with me for a few days (I mean other than it always does to a certain degree) thanks to all the excellent discussion happening and I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said a million times before, but I think what we're seeing and what we're going to learn (e.g. from TTPD) is that it wasn't just the support issue, but how it was shown/handled.
We've all gone out of our way to show that introversion =/= lack of support. Someone can be shy, reserved, etc. and still show up for their partner, whether in public or at home. To chalk any of the differences up to the clash between introversion and extroversion is unfair to folks who count themselves among either tbh.
@thisisctrying said something the other day that hit the nail on the head about how if that support had been offered in private, there very well may not have been a Joever to begin with, or at least not at this point in time. (Sorry for loosely paraphrasing, and for namedropping you! Long time listener, first time poster.)
If this were a case where the "shy" partner said, "I am really uncomfortable with the spotlight personally and do not want to court it, but I will support you in your ambitions and offer you whatever you need to make them happen and make the glare bearable," I suspect that would have gone a long way to making Taylor feel seen and comfortable in pursuing her goals in the way that she now has. Again, that might have been more akin to the balance that seemed to have been struck around 2019 from what we can see, but even speaking in a general sense, there are lots of couples out there, celebrity or not, that have similar approaches where there are highly driven people and busy careers involved.
(A famous example being Dolly Parton's marriage. Tbh I know next to nothing about her and Carl, but she's always heralded as an example in this regard, because her husband is famously uncomfortable with the spotlight and hasn't accompanied her to public events in decades, but she's said that she never minded that because that was always work to her, and what was important was that he supported her in pursuing all her career goals and basically ensured she had a place to call home to return to at the end of the day.)
We're kind of in a brave new world with her current relationship because it felt like, at least at the start, we were maybe watching her figure out her boundaries in real time as to what she was comfortable with or not and adjust accordingly. Like so many have said, I fully believe the extreme privacy thing was initially driven by herself and her experiences in 2016, and she needed that quiet time to recover from all of the things and figure out how to exist in the world again.
Stating the obvious, it seemed like eventually privacy was equated with secrecy, turning the relationship and the celebrity into the elephant in the room and something to never be spoken of to the outside world. People are free to choose whatever works best for themselves and their relationships, and for some the separate public lives might work, but the ākept me like a secret but I kept you like an oathā theme is all over her work and itās clear that itās a sore spot for her, because sheās been made to feel shame just for the life she leads so many times in the past.
What Iām trying to say is that itās pretty obvious something Not Great was happening behind the scenes, which didnāt just amount to āshe wanted to be a public celebrity and he wanted to be a private hermit.ā (Also, in case anyone forgot, this is a person who also chose a public-facing career who also has to engage in press for it, but I digress.) As her career reached new heights post-folklore, if she had the support at home to do all the things without judgment and with encouragement, and in turn offer the same support to her partner, she may have very well lived just fine with that, not unlike Dolly Partonās case.
By reading between the lines in all the press since, as well as comments on tour and general ~vibes~ with TTPD teasers, it seems like one of the issues was that that was likely not the case. There was all the stuff that we saw ā the reticence to acknowledge each other in the media (particularly on one side), the lack of public support even at events at which they were both in attendance for their respective jobs, the great lengths they went to not to be photographed together at events they attended yet no problem taking pictures with other friends and coworkers, the jobs that separated them, the withdrawing from the public even for work accomplishments, etc. Which could all be manageable if a couple chooses to do so together and are not inherently a sign of trouble in themselves.
But what weāre seeing now I think is a reflection of the things we werenāt seeing then, and it seems to indicate some very deep hurt. (I know, call me Captain Obvious.) And like so many have been saying, it feels likely that that part of that hurt is rooted in that very lack of private support where a person would expect it from their partner. Obviously as a Taylor fan blog Iām going to be more inclined to understand her side of a story, but tbh, itās also because⦠this is sooooooo common, and something Iāve experienced in my friend group. (@taylortruther is right when she says most breakups are the same one way or another lol.)
One partner is resentful of the otherās success, or resentful that the otherās priorities begin to evolve as new experiences unlock new goals, or feels the otherās ambitions are not worthy of pursuit, and coupled with perhaps their own struggles in the same domain, itās easy to see where that can chip away at the other partnerās morale and faith in the relationship. I know Iām just speculating here, but I also donāt think itās totally unfounded. (Again, because a) Iām picking up what sheās putting down and b) it happens to sooooooo many women even among us dull normals.)
With all the pointed mentions about how much Taylor feels supported in her current relationship and how she in turn loves to offer the same show of support to not only her partner but other loved ones, how sheās stepped out more in the last year to a whole host of events, how sheās mentioned feeling like she locked herself away for years and sheās just proud of her partner and happy she can show up for him even if the chaos around it is unsettling, it paints a picture of what perhaps was happening before last year.
To feel like youāre all alone in carrying the weight of the relationship (or burden of it), of twisting yourself into knots to accommodate the other personās boundaries (or insecurities) but not feeling reciprocity for your own has to be so painful. (The idea that it may have been even darker and to have a partner not only be unreceptive to your own needs but even perhaps resentful/dismissive/belittling of them is even more painful to think of. I guess weāll find out when TTPD comes out if that was the case, too.)
At a certain point, that lack of acknowledgement will force your hand to be able to reclaim yourself. And it feels like the further removed Taylor in particular is from it, the more she moves from being sad about the life she felt she gave up by leaving, to angry at the life she felt she was giving up by staying. Especially being in a relationship now where it seems like everything comes much easier, where she can be open about the person sheās with and show up for them, all the stuff that seemed as challenging as climbing Mount Everest in her past is nothing more than a molehill at best in her current life.
TL;DR: I donāt think itās privacy that inherently spells doom for a celebrity relationship like this; itās the mutual support and respect that does. If Taylor had felt that in the later years of her previous relationship, I think we could be seeing a different, though not necessarily unfulfilled, person right now in 2024, whoād be happy on tour but whose personal life would look a little different. But it seems like by losing that support she lost parts of herself, and weāve seen her reclaim that in spades in the last year, and perhaps to degrees she didnāt even realize she could from before all the Bad Stuff started happening in her young adulthood.
I know this was extremely long-winded and unnecessary, especially about total strangers we only know through scraps fed through the media, but I just always bristle at this idea that issues like these boil down to āpersonality differences,ā as though one person wants to live in a city and the other on a remote island, or some shit like that. The whole support (and gender tbh) issue is one thatās just very close to my heart because again, I have seen it play out with so many of my friends in long term relationships and marriages and I just think people in relationships (and women in particular in some circles) deserve better than to feel like theyāre being, well, tolerated.
#thisisctrying and taylortruther sorry for tagging you two!#can remove if needed!#but you guys made me think a lot#this was inspired by a conversation i had with a friend the other day#where she relayed an argument she had with her partner#who basically felt slighted that he wasnāt getting acknowledgement for all the housework he does ā which is. just. the dishes#and she was like āwow congrats youāve done the dishes ā i do every other fucking thing to keep this household afloat in ways you see#and donāt see and i never ask for praise because itās just stuff that needs to get done because thatās how you support your familyā#and it just reminded me that some partners (and a certain kind of man in particular) just⦠think their struggles take precedence#when their partners drown in them everyday but keep things afloat out of necessity and are never recognized or supported for it#(my friends have shitty husbands/boyfriends can you tell lol)#long post#again the way i just feel like i know the vibes of ttpd in my bones are šµāš«#i feel like i have a lot more thoughts but Iām trying to be more gracious and less parasocial so#also just want to again defend the introverts of the world by reiterating that being introverted does not mean unsupportive#being a shitty partner does though!#writing letters addressed to the fire#itās also just like⦠i feel like if Taylor had had even a modicum of the support in private and even public she needed#sheād probably still be with you know who and wouldnāt have considered leaving let alone doing it#because it would have felt like enough and like it was what was needed for both of them#whereas weāre seeing a completely new side of her open up now because this is the first time sheās ever had that support from a partner#in her adult life at least#and itās like itās opening up things she didnāt know she needed or wanted#muses acquired like bruises
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some highlights of me yelling at ludinus (and cheering for imogen) from last nightās livetweeting:
ludinus youāre still on this āfeedingā narrative? literally what are you talking about
okay so he just didnāt listen to silaha at all
YES IMOGEN SASS HIM
ludinus: watch this it will convince you for sure 100% imogen: it didnāt convince me ludinus: okay but if you think about it with MY framing for a few days, thenā¦?
oh piss offffffff
IMOGEN JUST LAUGHED IN HIS FACE I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO STAN
ludinus: most people in power are the worst. yes I am working against the people who are fighting to root out corruption in the government I helped establish. I have to be the one to do it, but not when itās miiiiine :(
I love you imogen temult read him to filth. tear him to shreds.
MOLAESMYR WAS THE FIRST ATTEMPT TO COMMUNE WITH PREDATHOS AND YOU WANT TO DO IT AGAIN??? TO THE WHOLE WORLD???????
I hate him I hate him sooo much vile vile man
heās here to be SO HURTFUL TO ORYM??? BITCH????
#heās so whiny and intellectually dishonest and mean!! >:(#any sympathy points he may gain from the thalamus mean nothing when heās the wooorrrst while heās trying to make his rather flimsy points#ludinus: the gods destroying aeor traumatized me#okay yeah makes sense but Iām not entirely sure ifā#ludinus: and if you were traumatized by my plans? well it wasnāt really my fault. these things happen you see. youāll get over it.#heās just so. flippant when it comes to the harm heās done or let happen!! while claiming heās not!!! which is somehow worse!!!!!#itās not even that his broader thesis is wholly unsupported by the visions but that heās somehow using it to make the flimsiest points!#ludinus da'leth#imogen temult#critical role#cr spoilers#eve talks
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i kinda always found jeremy from aftg similar to gansey, like their appearance and vibe overlapped somewhat in my mind
i'm very vindicated about this after reading tsc >:)
#is this a universal experience#they're both golden boys#it turns out jeremy is also a sad golden boy#who ignores his issues though idk if it's because he doesn't see his problems worth of attention like gansey#though very possibly#and#tsc spoilers#slightly#even despite their unsupportive and image-oriented families that they have to put up a front to appease#they're still so genuine and kind to others#trc#aftg#does tsc duology have a name#tsc#my posts
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read too many reddit comments and I'm becoming increasingly convinced that my profs are going to boo and attack me with music stands for singing a samson et dalila aria on my final at 22 years of age
#despite my voice teacher specifically assigning me that aria to learn + saying my voice suits it#and another voice prof after I performed it in class saying that he wouldn't normally suggest learning it to students but that I was-#an exception and also that it suited my voice#idk I keep listening back to the recordings today and waffling on whether I think I sound horrible#my high notes sound so unsupported+throaty (although that may be partially bc my voice has been Going Through It wrt allergies)#my vibrato is way less even than I want it to be#and my chest/mixed break is still so rough like there's an audible hitch sometimes#even just like. my cutoffs when I'm ending on a vowel sound awful bc something I'm doing is messing with the sound#instead of having the notes just end cleanly#and I don't know what it is!!!#I know my phone mic is shitty and I probably sound much better in person but. still#rambling
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re leaks i know i just complained about being annoyed However it's genuinely funny to me that as soon as we get any, and i mean any new set or shot of the actors there's at least 3 "so Byler kiss is happening there?" posts on my dash, like yeah you're having fun sure, that's the kind of engagement with leaks i can ignore and be slightly confused by. i think we should all say more random words
#no i am Slightly annoyed by it#i'm assuming most people that are saying it are kidding tho#and don't genuinely think Mike and Will will kiss in the UD and at McCorkle farm and in a field and at Lovers Lake and and and#asjfhajhahah#people seeing unsupported leaks and immediately integrating them into their core beliefs about the show? boooo#people seeing a leak and go 'so byler is happening here?' is like a giant bit to me and i can live with it#sure byler kiss at the haunted light flickering hospital. good for them#(the fandoms insane focus on byler does get grating because even things that are Definitely not about byler get put#through the byler lens wringer. but it's so absurd it's like a bit to me)
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i think for a birthday present to myself⦠new laptop
#macbook even#i have my pc and i love her but my laptop is like#nine years old atp LOL#she runs but hasnāt updated her software in years bc her model is unsupported#lore loops
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not to over analyze a show thats meant to be silly and fun, but sometimes i think about this clip and think that it explains a lot about lacey as a person, in my opinion. that's why she wants everyone to like her.
#i just love herrrr#i'm into corner gas bc my dad was into it first and he hates lacey#i defend her tooth and nail!!! that's my girl#corner gas#lacey#emma#lacey and emma#s4e7#i witness#bridge#the three people from her life outside of dog river that we see are#an unsupportive mom and a bitch friend and a pushover ex fiance#i know no one in the world but me thinks about these things š#anyone else got thoughts like this about the silly gas show?#share them with my ask box#even better if u got thoughts on ruby??? she was a whole person they all knew who died#i mean you see how wrapped up they all are in each others lives. there used to be someone else there. u ever think about that?
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