#or even telling me its my fault for having the trauma in the first place

[echo-and-dust]

now that my brain has somewhat unscrambled itself i have gotten most of my thoughts in order about season 3.

and the first thing i will say is: i loved it.

while it was gutwrenching and polarizing in some ways and i feel that i am entitled to financial compensation for what its done to my mental health, i loved this season for pretty much almost everything it did.

i cannot fault people for having issues with much of the characterization and plot choices made—that’s been the trend during the entire run of the show after all, and imo it’s a testament to the phenomenal way it generates nuance—but i wanted to share my feelings on the recurring opinions i’ve seen about some of these things.

first, i do not blame simon at all for the things he said in the final scene. he’s a child who has been receiving endless verbal and physical harassment on top of all the trauma he is still trying to heal from. he just watched his boyfriend lash out in anger and hurt—while not at him, but it must’ve been a close resemblance of how he might’ve seen micke act. at least, that's what i thought, though i've seen others say otherwise.

and yes, wille is not micke, but just because wille’s source of outbursts is different from micke’s doesn’t mean simon is wrong in drawing similarities. at least he's finally getting a true glimpse into what wille has had to deal with. i've honestly grown to like that they didn't have simon immediately comfort him though; wille's mental illness is not his fault, but it is his responsibility, and instead of pushing a message of unhealthy co-dependence, the show has simon be honest: "but i see that everything hurts you and that hurts me too." and to me, that's so important.

plus, it doesn't make their love any less genuine. wille is a victim of the circumstances; he is not evil, and he is not undeserving of simon. he just has a lot of growing and healing to do, a lot of unlearning and exposure therapy because he's still blinded by privilege even when he tries not to be.

speaking of, i have so many thoughts about wille that i feel like i need to save for its own separate post, but to sum them up: i'll still defend him with my life, and he needs to get the fuck away from that institution.

also, the fact that the responsibility of controlling simon's media decisions was placed solely on wille confused me at first like—why wouldn't they get a professional to give him proper media training?

then i realized, this could be the royal court's way of sabotaging their relationship. they knew that making wille the one to tell simon what he can and cannot say or post would create distance and animosity between them. despite the ramifications of simon's behavior on social media, it seems they still thought it best to have his boyfriend be the one to try to mold him into the system. because they knew that's how they could get rid of him. in conclusion, fuck the royal court (we been knew but still).

one of the standouts this season was their transparency regarding the show's politics. it not only works well with the show's arc (wilmon is public, everything's out in the open now and there's nothing to hide), but also it felt necessary at a time where censorship has been rapidly gaining momentum. it felt so refreshing for these characters to talk so openly about racial discrimination and queerphobia and class disparities, forcing both character and viewer to acknowledge that they exist and you should feel uncomfortable about it.

i don't think i can add much more to what was already said about it—most of the fandom is more eloquent and observant than i am anyway—i just wanted to reinforce how important this season is to myself and the story even with how controversial it is to fans right now. a lot of people may disagree with me and that's fine.

[bird-inacage]

Love in the Air: Sky’s Truth Scene

So the other scene I MUST absolutely do a deep dive on is Sky’s truth scene. This occurs immediately after the ambush aftermath. Before Sky had even stepped into the condo, he made a promise to himself that he would tell Prapai the truth. Because not sharing his past with Prapai was slowly eating him up inside. In this episode, it’s revealed that Sky was living in fear of what Prapai would think of him, of how he would react once he found out.

So Sky decides to tell Prapai that Gun abused him and essentially shares a short re-telling of what we saw in the flashbacks. This is Sky finally telling Prapai his truth, and the cause for this trauma. As painful as it is for Sky to share that incident with Prapai, its the final piece of the puzzle that allows Sky to impart why he is the way he is, to the man that he loves.

As Sky is telling his story, Prapai is incredibly gentle and quiet throughout. He constantly strokes the back of Sky’s head - provides his warm, steadfast presence and allows Sky to say what he needs to say. This stroking action is a gesture of comfort first and foremost. We see Prapai do this a lot with Sky, but it also acts as a coaxing action. ‘It’s okay, you tell me in your own time, take it easy, I’m listening.’

Then Sky says the part that upsets Prapai the most.

“I’m trash. I’m damaged goods. When I returned home, I was like a broken doll. I didn’t speak. Didn’t listen. I spaced out so much that my dad got worried.”

For Sky, these are his inner demons. These are the poisonous type of inner thoughts that have plagued him ever since the abuse. Thoughts that have been deeply ingrained on Sky’s psyche. This isn’t just about how he felt back then, its how he still feels now. And Prapai has seen facets of that first-hand. The fact that Sky says this with a self-deprecating smile, speaks volumes. It’s not conjecture in Sky’s mind, it’s a matter of fact. Like he’s admitting a shameful part of his own character.

As Prapai listens to Sky say these things about himself, it deeply, deeply hurts him. One, because it insinuates a degree of self-loathing that derives from thinking this was brought on by one’s self. That Sky still believes he was at fault for causing this to happen. Sky doesn’t say, ‘He’s trash, He’s damaged, He’s an absolute lowlife for doing this to me’, it’s ‘I’m the worst, I’m nothing, I’m worthless’. And Prapai cannot bear hearing Sky say that about himself. Two, that Prapai (who loves Sky so dearly), knows and sees that Sky is everything but those things.

Sky is sweet, he’s considerate, he’s loving. The Sky backstory really cemented my take on that Sky has always been an ardent child who wants desperately to be loved and to love. He just has so much love to give. And we saw evidence of this at the start of the episode. Sky is adorably clingy, he’s affectionate, he’s wanting. When he’s finally opened up to another human being, he showers them with his undiluted love and attention. And that earnest love is so distinctly palpable and wholesome. Sky truly gives his everything to someone he loves. Every ounce and every drop of himself he can muster.

Prapai remains silent, shaking his head in disbelief and seemingly taking this all in, but his eyes are screaming out. You can literally hear the thoughts in his head blaring, ‘No, that’s not true. None of what you’re saying is true. You’re the most incredible person I know. I love you so much. Please, please don’t say that about yourself.’ When you love someone else, you see all the amazing qualities they possess, the qualities that made you fall in love with them in the first place. To have your significant other say such awful things about themselves, knowing that there’s no easy way or quick fix to erase the cumulative years of self-hatred, is just unbearable. Loving someone isn’t enough to convince them to love themselves. Healing is very much a process that has to take place within oneself. Prapai knows this, and so he doesn’t deny what Sky’s saying. Because denying those things won’t dilute the impact they have on Sky. So all he can do is be heartbroken on Sky’s behalf. To mourn the Sky that could have been if none of this had happened.

When you hear stories in retrospect, aware that you cannot change the course of history, it can cause anyone to feel immensely helpless. Knowing that there’s nothing you can do to repair the past. This may also be a real point of fear for Prapai. It could have so easily gone a different way. For Sky to bear the brunt of that trauma and come out the other side - to be how he is and where he is today is nothing short of a miracle. There was always another possible trajectory in which Prapai never meets Sky. A version of events where Prapai doesn’t ever get to prove to Sky that he deserves to be loved and cherished. Where Prapai doesn’t get to do his darned best to heal and protect Sky. Prapai can now vividly envision how much could have been at stake, and how much could be have been lost. This wonderful love he may have never even known.

Then Sky asks, “Can I love you? Can I?” And this is such an fitting piece of dialogue that encompasses Sky so completely. He desperately loves Prapai, and wants to love him freely, fully. But he feels he has to ask permission. That little additional “Can I?” sounds like the child in Sky speaking. ‘Please let me love you. Please don’t turn me away.’ It almost sounds like Sky is additionally implying, ‘I know my love may be a burden, but I promise I’ll be good and I won’t overstep.’ This links back to what Sky said last episode about Gun trying to programme Sky to be obedient. The fact that Sky even feels he has to ask just destroys Prapai, who has wanted nothing but Sky’s love. Who treasures Sky’s love above all else.

Sky asking if he can love Prapai can also be interpreted as - do I deserve to love again? Do I deserve to burden you with my baggage, with myself? Am I even capable of loving again (like a normal, undamaged person)? Akin to how Sky’s nightmares still plague him, Sky feels a huge sense of hopelessness over the shadow this has cast over him and his future. He has no idea when he will be free of this, if ever.

Every step of this conversation peels back another layer of Sky’s withered sense of his own self-worth. A chasm that Gun intentionally created. So Prapai is understandably tearful and devastated 

And yet Sky, despite all this, is still the caring and considerate soul that he always has been. He asks Prapai why he’s crying and carefully wipes away his tears. Through all his insecurities and anxieties, Sky is still able to believe in Prapai’s good and Prapai’s devotion. He doesn’t want Prapai to cry out of guilt over something he could have in no way prevented. Because Sky is thankful. He’s immensely grateful. For everything Prapai has done for him. For everything Prapai wishes he could have done for him. It certainly doesn’t eradicate the past, but its a colossal comfort to Sky. It’s gives him strength to keep fighting.

Prapai goes on to emphasise that this isn’t about Sky asking whether he deserves to love Prapai, but Prapai can’t bear the thought of Sky loving anyone but him. Because Prapai loves him so much, he’s possessive and fiercely protective. He knows what a beautiful human being Sky is, and just how lucky he is to have Sky’s affection. So he also wants Sky affections to belong only to him, and to him alone.

I do believe that Sky finally sharing this with Prapai was clearly a huge weight off his chest. Yes, this conversation by no means ‘fixes’ the issues and trauma that Sky is still working through. But Sky and Prapai are taking those healthy first steps to allow Sky to begin healing properly, thoroughly. And that begins with acknowledgement, transparency, and letting go.

[isekaithatplease]

You know what's even ironic,the fact that Kaufman is still in love with navier even though she's now pregnant with heinreys children. And the fact that kosair,naviers brother is a violent man that caused him to be outside the borders and how he even goes tok far as to feed rashta abortion drugs is so scummy. How the hell didn't navier even stop or at least call them out for their shit?

Because Navier doesn’t care. Slavery is a huge problem in her empire but she barely bats an eye at that when we’re supposed to believe she’s this ‘fantastic empress.’ Honey- where??? ((Stop congratulating people for doing the bare minimum lol)) It’s really just a bunch of telling but no showing especially for a story that should be a bit more politically involved?? Plus We really don’t see her interact with the lower class save for that magical orphan who- as we see has to be magical in order to get said attention in the first place! (Fantastic philanthropy really)

How ironic would it have been if she’d been originally pushing to end slavery before Sovidiot brought in Rashta?

Ngl Id actually be more sympathetic to Navier as a whole as despite her cold exterior it showed that you know she was actually pushing for reform for the lower class citizens! But nah she can’t be bothered to deal with peasants.

But back to your point- Can someone please tell me what the whole point of the Kaufman/Navier plotline was? Because honest to goodness it sounds like pointless drama to extend the story length at this point. Either that or just show how irresistible goddess Navier is.

Someone once reblogged/replied to my last post and said that no one in this series is a morally good person. That’s fair. I agree they’re all pretty terrible people in their own ways. Honestly I’ve said it time and time again. I don’t have a problem that they’re terrible people.

Good characters =/= good people

What irks me is when the novel disrespectfully handles heavy topics like slavery and trauma to build up its Mary Sue fl. The whole story markets itself as being some pro feminism revenge story but it’s really not? It doesn’t feel like at least half of the cast gets their proper comeuppance? No seriously- Sovieshu should’ve kicked the bucket. Heinrey and his creepy friend should’ve been held more accountable to a higher degree as well.

Navier isn’t a girl’s girl at all. To both the character and story’s fault Everyone must either worship her or hate her. No one who disagrees with her is allowed any sort of meaningful empathy that Navier in my opinion is sort of undeserving of. (Anyone is free to argue this- but she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth and everything magically works out for her. I’m supposed to feel more sorry for her than the girl who was sold by her abusive father into slavery?) hahaha no.

At this point I’d advise people who actually want to see a pro feminism story with political intrigue to read ‘I’ll Saved this damn family!’ Now that’s a story that can treat other women who aren’t the fl well and promotes pretty good relationships between them too.

[malaierba]

once again the white, privileged fans that live in the global north fail to see the problem with a fictional guy's behaviour

Was gonna write this in tags but whatever, here it is:

Stolas. listen i love the guy. let me repeat: i LOVE the guy. he's fucked up and imperfect. thats EXACTLY what i want from a victim of childhood neglect & marital abuse thats been soooo repressed all his life.

i feel bad for him but he's in his own way sheltered and his perception of whats normal is ABNORMAL. both from a class/status pov (absurdly privileged materially + socially) and from how he believes he should act in his interpersonal relationships.

so WHY are his fans pretending he doesn't have problems too?

his communication is ABYSMAL and is both by grace of being sheltered and disconnected from how the power dynamics feel to those below him and also just. man doesnt really have any references when it comes to assertive communication in general.

That's why him and Blitzo keep clashing, they lack the other's context. they can feel its there but they cant actually see truly from the other's pov.

And you need to understand, please please please white gringo reading this, you need to understand how uniquely awkward and awful this is for Blitzo. Take off your horny googles and listen to me. The privileged guy is calling the guy at the bottom of society his PET, his SEXY LITTLE IMP in front of other IMPS. do you understand how objectivying, demeaning, fetishistic that is? Even if he's doing it in a "oh he's my dom" way, that's not how its READING IN THE SOCIAL CONTEXT WHERE ITS BEING SAID.

Like if you don't get it then youre a lost cause, goodbye. But honestly, no matter how sweet Stolas is, how much he believes he doesnt look down on Blitzo, he IS condescending in his flirting (especially in the first episodes, let's acknowledge that he does better. not that anyone would be able to know if it was because something clicked for him, or if he just got bored with that), and just. the fact that he's unaware of how his actions around Blitzo get read by the rest of society.

He's been so historically bad at addressing this that Blitzo fully believes that he has a species/status kink. And fine, okay, let's say its Blitzo's fault for not being clearer when telling him not to speak down to him in that way, at least not in public. Still a flaw that Stolas has.

A sweet ignorant partner is still an ignorant partner, and that places a burden on Blitzo.

And I'm not excusing Blitzo, he does bring a lot of rotten baggage and terribly immature, petty communication skills, a lot of his own trauma to the dynamic. But, this post is about Stolas. The emphasis on his lack of social literacy is essential to his character and the conflict it drives, so lets not pretend he's an uwu baby.

[pixlpxie]

Heeeyyy. I have a question. (SA trigger warning)

Do you think the desire for cnc stems from previous sexual trauma? I've seen an anon here say that she wanted to be full on tortured and held down by, was it Yunho or Hwa, I don't remember. I didn't even sense the consent in her ask. And I was like, I'd be down, and then I was like huhhh???? I would?????

I was almost sexually assaulted by an agemate when I was 14. Back then, I felt horrible. Like, I really went through it. Asking myself why I was even there in the first place yk? Blaming myself, and so on. I was also sooo against any form of non-consent, even if it was consensual. But now that I look back, I'm like, ugh I was over reacting and if I went back in time to that moment I would just tell my young self to shut up like it wasn't even that bad. (My morals do prevail and I know that any kind of SA is not acceptable. If it were anyone else, I would NEVER say this.)

But now I am so very willing to participate in cnc, 100%. Even take part in various kinks. I think I just grew up and became more self aware and honest with myself, but I would like to know if you think my previous experience contributed to this.

Also, you don't have to answer this if it makes you uncomfortable. I love love love your page, like it constantly reminds me that I'm not odd for liking the things I do😭🫶🫶. Thank you so much. You're a blessing to many of us, and some hATERS (cue annoying people) cannot even seem to understand that. Talking about lists and all that. Ew

Such topics do not make me uncomfortable, don't worry🤭its literally my job atp (im a psychologist now so I mean it)

First of all before I get into it, I want you to know that you were never the blame. Its not your fault that you had to go through something like that. I'm so sorry for what happened and I hope you are better now. And you feeling bad about non consensual plays for some time is totally normal, don't think that you had to enjoy this kink right away.

Honestly I had to research quite a lot on this topic before because even though I knew it was a perfectly normal kink, the reality of r*pe makes you doubt yourself. So I wanted to find out if there was something wrong with me or not because no one around me irl likes cnc. They think its extremely weird. It turns out nothing's wrong.

There are many reasons why a person can be into cnc, involving extreme versions of it. You can already guess some of them, which is that it's a really strong roleplay for power dynamics. Whether you are the agressor or the victim, you give in to the most extreme level of domination or submission. It's also primal. It can easily bring out your animalistic sides. Many people enjoy this. So for example if you like being the victim it can simply mean that you like not having control. Its a good way to relieve stress and release adrenalin too.

The other reason is that CNC can actually work as a coping mechanism. In fact, kinks and role plays are important for human psychology. They can help you resolve or at least deal with unresolved issues in two main ways. The first is that you might have experienced something related to the said kink/rp. In this example, you might have actually experienced SA. It's not easy to accept a reality like this and it can easily damage a person's identity and self-perception. It can take so long to get better. So you need to find a way to cope with this and resolve it. So over time you can start enjoying CNC as it would give you a sense of control that you couldn't have during the bad experience. You can control, change and alter the way the role play can go. This can help you to accept what's happened in a less damaging way, assuring that you are in control. It can also help you relive the experience over again, although this can sound bad, you can become insensitized to the situation.

The second way is that these unresolved issues don't have to be anything related to the roleplay. Meaning you don't have to experience SA to enjoy CNC. Such symbolic roleplays can help you deal with repressed emotions and help your subconscious to process the material there. As such roleplays also have clear cut archetypal figures, they can help you deal with deep-seated symbols, personas or narratives. Do you know why they say people with daddy kinks don't have a healthy relationship with their dad? Its not true all the time obviously (bc its so common now) but it's a good way to show you what I mean.

So no, not all people who enjoy CNC experience SA or similar events. But if you had, it can help you cope too. But kinks and fetishes are way too deeply rooted in your subconscious and they are madly complicated. Most of the time you will end up feeling so lost when you try to find out why you have a certain kink/fetish. So you're not really supposed to know why you like the things you like. You should let your psyche and subconscious deal with them. As long as theres constent and they dont hurt other people, you can enjoy anything. Its ok. Don't let people make you feel bad for enjoying CNC. Trust me, people who like this kink are actually really nice and care so much about their partner's well being. Meaning the agressor roleplayer don't actually want to r*pe anyone irl. That's what I've seen.

Overall, in your case, it might have contributed. And it's ok. Keep enjoying your roleplay and let it help you resolve your trauma.

And thank you so much I hope youll keep enjoying my blog and i was able to help 🥺🥹💖💖

[dickarchivist]

Hello!

I am obsessed with your OC Clone squad. Thanks for sharing them with us!

You said you’re taking requests so I’m sliding in with one 👀

I’m taking from the same delicious NSFW prompt list @dystopicjumpsuit used!

The prompt is “Keep your eyes open, look at me, baby.” with Ghost. He seems so sweet and deeply caring. With his cybernetic eyes perhaps eye contact is important to him/his partner???

Do with this as you please, no pressure! 💕

Thanks @starrylothcat for the fic request!! I'm so excited to deliver, and for my sweet boy Ghost too 😭

I Will Know You Forever, Even In Darkness

Clone OC Ghost × fem!Reader (civilian mechanic) (new relationship)

Word count: 2860

🔞Minors DNI🔞

Prompt: “Keep your eyes open, look at me, baby.”

Summary: After a scare on a mission, your new sweetheart's in recovery at the hospital. When you're finally allowed in to see him, you make up for lost time.

Contents and Warnings: fluff and smut the ultimate combo, bit of angst at the beginning, PiV sex, mentions of eye trauma (nothing graphic), yearning good lord the yearning this man does for you. Happy ending, pinky promise.

Author Notes: This fic takes place directly after the mission that causes Ghost to lose his eyes and get his prosthetics. No actual eye trauma is described in detail, it's only stated that he lost them from acid splash, and he's given cybernetics as a replacement.

Small cameo of others in Grave Squad, the jedi of the 404th, and even smaller cameo/mention of two other sw OCs I've made over the years.

Sorry this one's so long, but also not sorry at all because I think it's really good.

When The Crypt lands in the hanger, you're absolutely thrilled. Ghost and his brothers were home at last. You set down your tools and twll your assistant you'd be back in a second, to which they roll their eyes with a smile, "Boyfriend's back huh?"

"Shush," you giggle, and start toward the ship with glee. But the closer you gwt, the more your smile fades

Wraith is out first, Specter and Banshee carrying a stretcher after him, "Careful! He's fragile, don't jostle him, I just got his vitals stable again!"

Guilt bubbles in your stomach as you hope and hope that the clone on the stretch was Phantom. You wouldn't wish for any of them to be hurt, but please. Please, anyone but--

"Ghost's gonna be fine," Phantom stretcha as he gets out of the ship, play wrestling with Wraith in a bad attempt to lighten the worried media's mood, "You saved his face, I'm sure he'll thank you for that when he wakes up."

"If he wakes up, Tommy!" Wraith spits at his brother, poking his finger hard into his chest, "Like I said, he's fragile, we can't be too cautious! I don't know the extent, he could die for all-"

"Wraith." Specter's voice cuts like a knife. He had noticed you when you'd arrived, and knew all the talk wasn't helping your anxiety.

"He's... he's not going to die, right?" There's a tremble in your voice, your hands are gripping the front of your jump suit so tight its almost hard to breathe, "He can't, he's- please..."

Phantom pushes his brothers along, the stretcher jostling just enough that Ghost's arm falls limp from it, and the cry that comes from you is mournful enough to make the hanger fall silent.

Wraith tries to comfort you, but his anxious yammering only proves to make things worse. Phantom catches your shoulders, then pulls you into a hug, "Hey, hey Mesh'la, it's fine. It's fine, Cap's been in worse spots than this. His name is Ghost, not Dead Guy, right? Afterlife can't get him, he's stuck here with us. Take a breath, okay, it'll be fine. He'll be fine."

His brothers keep you up to date while you aren't allowed in to see Ghost. He's lost both his eyes. They tell you he was heroic, only thinking about the lives of the people he was protecting during the battle. Wraith later confides in you that he believes it was his fault, that if he hadn't forgotten his helmet, Ghost wouldn't have given him his. Ghost's eyes wouldn't have been lost. You want to be angry, but you know them too well at this point.

"Rai, you didn't take his helmet off him. You didn't throw the acid. You didn't do anything malicious... Specter said you kept him alive, it was your quick actions that saved him. Stop calling yourself Ghost's attacker, he'd hate to hear that..."

Wraith nods, but doesn't say anything else, just goes back to Ghost's hospital room to do his best in helping his brother. You get the feeling that Wraith isn't going to belive it's not his fault until Ghost tells him that himself.

On the fifth day, you hear a voice you don't recognize.

"I don't care, no one is going to replace Captain Ghost." There's a few garbled words, then the voice came back, more forceful, "Ghost, not CT-1313." There's another pause before you hear a snarl, "HIS NAME IS GHOST!"

There's hushed murmers, then the voice speaks again, "Good, now that we're clear that this is a man and not a number: you'll give him new eyes. Yes, I do mean that. I do not care what it costs you, he's an irreplaceable asset to the 404th, and I will not have him decommissioned when the best course of action is to replace what he's lost."

You don't realize how close you've gotten to the door until it a little girl grabs your hand, "It's not polite to easedrop... it's fun to do though."

You'd seen her once before, Ghost called her "Vod'ika", and you aren't sure if that's her name or not. She's got her ear pressed to the door, and she giggles, "Oooh, Master Dax is angry, he's using his little voice."

"Master-" when the door opens, a yellow zebrak in jedi robes stands before you. His bright blue eyes catch you, then the little girl behind you.

His glare turns to a funny face immediately. Hands beside his head flaired out, tongue sticking out, eyes crossed. It makes you laugh for the first time in days. "Good!" The zebrak booms, holding your shoulders, "We like happy. Happy means hope, and what's wrong with a little hope right? You must be this "Cyare" Ghostie has been muttering about in his sleep, I know all his brothers, and none of them have that moniker, Athena there is "Cyar'ika", so Cyare must be you!"

You know that word, you heard it often when you were a mandalorian foundling as a child. Beloved. Your face blooms with blush, and you look down at the kid behind you, then back to the man, "uh... y-yeah, I guess so."

"Good, good good good, excellent, good!" He puts his arm around your shoulders, leading you away from the door you'd been camped in front of since Ghost was admitted, "Listen Cyare, Ghost's gonna be fine, Wraith and another clone, I don't know if you know him, Repeat, they'll be preforming Ghost's surgery. Why you ask? Because I don't trust those smug asses with my boys!" His laugh booms again, and you can't help your giggle either, "Now, Re is from my previous Padawan, now a master, so proud. Re is from Annika's battalion, the 418th, let me tell you..."

Master Dax talks your ear off for hours. But it takes your mind off of the situation, and before you know it, Specter is collecting you from the enthusiastic jedi, "Buir, shut it. C'mon, Ghost's up, he wants to see you."

You wave to Dax and Athena, thanking them for spending the day with you. As you walk the now familiar path to Ghost's room, you find that your pace moves quicker the closer you get. Specter chuckles at your side, "Just run, we told the staff to let you in."

"Thanks," you manage before sprinting away. You're running so fast the doors don't part for you at one point and you slam directly into them, eliciting uproarious laughter from a few of the clones lucky enough to see the disaster. It takes a lot of patience to slow down enough for the automatic doors, but eventually you're where you need to be.

Wraith is waiting inside Ghost's room for you. He's fidgeting more than normal, and when he sees you, his speech goes into over drive, "Okay keep in mind I'm not perfect I did my best and he's my brother so of course I did my very very best for him and Repeat was a huge help please don't be mad at-"

"Wraith," Ghost's voice sends your heartbeat further into overdrive, "Shut up before she thinks you killed me." There's humor... stars you're so happy to hear that light chuckle, "C'mere Cyare, I want the first thing I see to be you."

Before you go to his side, you stop at Wraith, kissing his cheek lightly, "Thanks for brining him back to me..."

"Y-yep." As Wraith stumbles out of the room holding his cheek, you cross to Ghost.

Your hand finds his, and immediately his head turns to you with a smile, "There she is, my heart. Rai said the bandages could come off a few hours after surgery. Told him I wanted you to be there for it, hope that's alright."

You don't say anything. You climb into the bed with him, your arms wrapping around him, tangling your legs together as best you can with the blanket over him. Ghost kisses the top of your head as you settle in, rubbing your back, "I'm alright..."

"I know."

"If I'm not handsome anymore, you can always date Phantom, he hits on you enough to where I think he might be serious." He chuckles, but when you don't, he stops. Ghost's hand finds your cheek, and brings you to look at him, even though he can't see you yet, "Hey. I'm not going anywhere, alright? I'm alive, and I want to see you... please Cyare, let me see you."

You move on him, straddling his hips, thankful for his eyes being the only injury this time. You hold his face gently, and he steals a kiss to your palm, making you blush. "Ghost..?"

"Hm?"

"It's not just your looks, you know that, right? It's you. Even if you're still blind, or your face is weird, I'd still want to be with you... Phantom's gross anyway, not made of boyfriend material like you." When he laughs this time, so do you. Hope, you think, a little hope is good.

Careful, so much so you're holding your breath, you begin to take off Ghost's bandages. His eyes are closed underneath, and you cover your mouth for a moment. It's like a mask of scars tissue, still gently pink from the acid. When he flutters his eyes open, white irises meet yours, and you can help but cry. Tears stream down your face, and Ghost looks almost dejected before you croak, "You're okay..."

Ghost lets out a breath of relief, his new eyes focusing on you, "I was hoping to see you smile, but I'll take happy tears too. They are happy, right?"

"Yes!" You burst, bouncing in his lap a little with the laugh, reaching for him again as you go to kiss him.

Ghost gives an appreciative "mmm~" as your lips find his. He puts his hands on your hips, one leaving its post rather quickly and rubbing across the small of your back and side. He's surprised when you deepen the kiss, and you feel his length move under you as your tongue slides over his. He chuckles when you part, and looks up at you with new eyes, "Careful there Cyare, I'm getting excited."

"Is... is that a bad thing?" You bite your bottom lip a little and deliberately roll your hips on him this time, "I... I missed you, and these last few days, I couldn't stop thinking about... a-about how I don't want to be without you."

Ghost throbs against you, but you get the feeling it wasn't because of your movements on him, rather your words. You keep rolling your hips on him, wanting to feel him yourself, "For a moment I thought you were gone, and I realized I didn't get to tell you how I feel-"

"Stop," he holds you still, his hands finding yours, "Don't say it. N-not unless you mean it, got that? Don't say it because you feel like you have to."

You recognize the look of fear in his eyes, of rejection, pain from a love once spurned. You're not each others firsts, but you do know one thing, you want him to be your last firsts. You put your hands on Ghost's and guide them to your heart. It beats fast against his palms, much as his does on yours when you reach out to him. You mirror each other's moves, one hand each going to hold your cheeks. His thumb rubs your cheekbone, eyes locked with yours, "Cyare..."

"Kar'taylir darasuum." The mandalorians who found you, became your family, they had taught you this phrase when you left them. With how Ghost's eyes soften at you, you know he understands them too. You repeat them to him all the same, beginning to rock on him again, "I will know you forever, Ghost."

Ghost repeats them back to you, his hand guiding your face to his for another kiss. It's slow and lingering, when you pull back, he's smiling so warmly, lips gently parted with soft breath, "I will know you forever, even in darkness."

Ghost's eyes roam down between you, and blush finally shows on his face, "Cyare, if we don't do something about these clothes, I might throw a fit."

You're both giggling as you fumble with your clothes. Soft stolen kisses, small gasps of appreciation, little stories of "What's this scar from?" And kissed freckles. When you're standing beside Ghost's hospital bed fully bare to him, he looks at you with so much adoration. His hand reaches for yours, and you're guided back to his lap. He's bigger than you thought, his length hard in your hand. "Wow..."

"I could say the same," Ghost chuckles and puts his hands on your hips, eyes on your slick folds before slowly working up to your eyes again, "Never seen such a beautiful body before."

You bite your lip as you move against him, running his length through your folds to slick him. The groan he makes joins yours as you toy his tip against your clit. Ghost smiles up at you, hands holding your breasts, circling your nipples with his thumbs, "Stars you feel great already... Cyare, mmm~"

Your eyes flutter closed as you take him into your waiting walls, "Ghost..."

“Keep your eyes open, look at me, baby," when he speaks, it's so soft, so breathy and light, you're not sure if you heard it or thought it. You look down at him, and he already looks love drunk. Eyes half lidded, his hands move down to your hips again and pull you further onto him. You moan, bracing on his chest, and he groans with delight, "That's right baby, eyes on me... I want to see you."

"Ghost... kriff, s-so full," your eyes stay on his as you start to move on his lap, taking him fully each time you lower back down. You start slow, easing yourself through the burn of the initial stretch, but soon you're at an even pace. The sticky wet sound of his length moving in and out of you fills the room with your tandem breathing.

His hands hold you tight, hips bucking up into you as you bounce on his length. His eyes flicker between yours, your breasts bouncing, and the way he glides in and out of you with such easy. You whine for him, hands balling in his chest hair, clenching around his length, "Feels so good, Ghost, s-stars." When his fingers slide to your clit, you cry out for him with an arch of your back, "Ghost! Ah!"

"D-dont look away," his other hand holds your face, thumb running over your bottom lip before you take it in your mouth and suck. Ghost's eyes widen a little, his hips stuttering before the pace quickens, "Oh kriff..."

You release his thumb and lock eyes with him again, "I'm close, do-don't stop, don't stop, Ghost, oh-" a whine releases from your lips as he rubs your clit faster, eyelashes flutter but you keep your eyes open, closer and closer to the edge, "Ghost, oh, oh baby, oh Ghost!"

"S-stay with me baby, come on, s-so close, so--" he grunts, his hips snap up into your walls in an intense build of pressure before he sits up off the bed with a cry of your name, spending himself inside you without restraint.

His wild bucks and intense attention to your clit were enough to get you to the edge, but feeling him fill you with his spend, it sends you over into ecstasy. You collect his lips in a kiss as you orgasm, body clenching around his length and shuttering with aftershocks of pleasure. Tears prick the corners of your eyes as you come down, and as Ghost holds you close, kissing your neck and shoulder, you feel so warm and safe.

Small drops of warmth hit your shoulder, and for a moment concern holds your body still. Was he hurt? You pull away to see Ghost's face, and to your surprise, tears are filling his new eyes, falling down his cheeks. You hold his face gently, wiping the tears from his unmarked skin, Careful of the sensitive scarring, "Ghost... what's wrong baby?"

"Nothing," he laughs a soft cry, kissing your lips just once, "I'm... overwhelmed. Spent the last month thinking of this, the last week needing to see you, just one more time, and..." He chuckles, feeling silly, kissing you again, "I can't believe this is real."

Your heart flutters, how is he this sweet? You press a delicate kiss to his forehead as you ease the both of you down. You nestle under his chin, still full of him, not willing to let that feeling end yet, "It's real, I promise."

After a few minutes of silence, Ghost rubbing your back in soothing circles, you're nearly asleep when you hear him again, "Did you mean it...?"

"Hm...?"

"You love me?"

You press a sleepy kiss to his jaw, "I love you, Ghost."

His heart picks up, you can feel it against your own, and it has you smiling. Ghost gives you a little squeeze, going back to rubbing your warm skin, "I love you too, Cyare."

[dailypositivequotes]

personal and long life update

I feel comfortable to say this now. This is going to start sad but get better.

TW: miscarriage

Two years ago was the worst summer of my life. I was excited and happy as school ended because my spouse and I found out we were expecting a child right before the end of the year. We initially didn't tell anyone, was going to wait. But then I started to have issues and I talked to my mom about it and my fears that something was wrong. My mom ended up letting me know she was having health issues and they found a mass. And on the same day my mom was diagnosed with cancer I miscarried. I will never forget crying and telling her on the phone and her sighing sadly and saying she had hoped one of us would have good news. I was traumatized. I felt betrayed by my body. I felt betrayed by the universe. I felt like a failure. I felt like it was my fault while knowing it wasn't. I lost a lot of faith in things. I was angry and grieving. I was terrified I was going to lose my mom like I lost my child. And then one of my siblings was in a major car accident (they're fine now but it was really scary and I thought I'd lose them too) and our beloved bearded dragon died. Loss was all around me. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even say the word miscarriage for a whole year. Therapy was extensive on it among other traumas. And one thing that also sticks out from that summer is "Running Up that Hill" was popular cause Stranger things aired its new season. I broke down any time that song came down because of the line "I'd make a deal with God and I'd get him to swap our places" made me thing about my mom and my lost child. I told family members. We previously were having pressure from family members on children and the LAST thing I needed was someone asking me for the millionth time when I was going to have kids. Fortunately family was understanding and backed off on the topic. My one sister was pregnant at the time too and we bonded over the fact this was her rainbow child, something she had not shared with any family member and I was able to go to her for support that other family couldn't provide as they never experienced this. Another thing from that summer is disassociating because I love my sister, I was excited for her and her baby, but the topic was very raw for me. I know I attended her baby shower but all of it was blur. And the final thing from that summer / year was I was also obsessed with trying again and "getting it right this time" because I didn't want to face reality or the grief I was having, and honestly...every failed month was also extremely triggering (for reasons I hope are obvious enough for me not to say) so I'd spiral again. It's taken a lot for me to be where I am now.

Since that summer, we got a second dog. Trained our first dog so she is officially a therapy dog. We both were in therapy - individual and couples. We strengthened our marriage. My mom beat chemo and radiation. Currently, she does not have cancer. Discovered I have a medical anomaly, and learned it doesn't stop me from successfully having kids but I could have a trickier time getting there as there were other complications it brought into my life. (Which honestly discovering this, and that it was something I was born with, answered SO MANY questions). We worked out together and made healthy meals together. We stopped obsessively TTC and just focused on us, loving our life as is, and healing. We discussed in January of this year about seeing a specialist and possibly starting fertility treatments in the summer if we felt we were in a good enough place for that. It was a very good, chill and no pressure conservation. In Feb. was the anniversary of would have been due date and therapy, coping skills from therapy, and planned activities helped a lot of with my mental health that day. And then in March, after my dogs were acting weird about me and I was feeling off as well, I discovered I am pregnant. Sure some anxiety immediately spiked but I am doing okay. I think if this would have happened sooner I'd have not been okay mentally due to the anxiety of the past repeating, but I've worked on a lot of trauma from that awful summer and I decided I would celebrate every second of this and if its a shorter journey than I hoped, so be it. I did have an emergency session in therapy during the week of pregnancy that was the one I miscarried at previously since I couldn't quite shake the nerves then. However, this time and last are night and day. All tests and appointments have come back healthy. Symptoms are what they should be. Everything is looking good and I am thankful. I am filled with gratitude. I have a good feeling. My family and my spouse's family are excited, who we told in April as I learned I'd rather lean on people for support if I needed it than grieve or celebrate in silence. My students and co-workers just before the end of the year realized I was pregnant and both set of people were very excited for me. My students created a lot of cards for me. We are excited. I am halfway through the pregnancy. I have seen him (through ultrasounds). I've heard his heartbeat, and am so thankful that it is so strong. And I've felt him kick just now. I am at peace.

[jackie0502]

Random rant

Ok so, basically I think that after Jason dies at some point Leo should find Hera or Hera find Leo and Leo confront Hera about Jason dying. Like Leo is obviously confused about why Jason is dead as he died already so Jason should still be fine and I want Hera to tell him Jason was never meant to live. Jason was an insurance policy to make sure Leo did. Hera goes on to explain that out of everyone in the Seven she has interfered the most with Leos life shaping him the way he was supposed to yet, he still fought he defied every single path that he was given, to forge his own. Hera thinks this makes him so very human. Adding on to this point Hera also makes him suffer in cruel and particularly mortal ways. Hera see’s Leo as a connection to the mortal world which we know she really wants as in the HoO series she states that she is often jealous of the other gods because they have mortal children that connect them to the mortal world unlike Hera. Initially I think that Hera would actually want Jason to be the one who lives but overtime she realizes that Jason doesn’t seem all that human you know. He has been involved with the godly world since he was like two. He followed every path that was given to him and believed in destiny. Qualities that made him too godly. Hera decides that she doesn’t want Leo to die anymore so she decides Jason had to. I also think that Hera would start talking about how she thinks that despite Jason being her "mortal hero". She thinks that he was never her connection to the mortal world, he never would be. Because she realized this and also gave Jason to Lupa she set her eyes on a different target Leo. Whom’s life was always interfered with by Gaia and Hera but still seemed so mortal. We can connect that to the how Leo always thinks that he is worthless by making Leo go, “Wait but why would you focus on my, out of all of the seven? I’m not that special,” Hera laughs at that. She says child if you weren’t special I wouldn’t have focused so much on you neither would have Gaia. Leo you are so special because of the way things affect you. For example when Jason was exposed to the godly world (A lot more than Leo albeit) he followed his path. But you, you didn’t. Even though you knew that you had a destiny to follow you did things your own way it made you different from the rest. More defiant. More human. You my Leo, you are my true hero. 

Some added points this would be super interesting in my opinion because this makes Leo realize he is more special than he thinks. Also what I mean by making Leo suffer in particularly cruel and mortal ways I mean that out of all of the seven Leos trauma and issues are the most mortal, for example Frank suffered from the stick gifted by Hera (also the death of his mom and grandma but he didn’t think that was his fault and accepted it) by constantly being afraid of fire and loosing his lifeline, Hazel suffered from her gift (her moms selfishness plays a role in it but it wouldn’t be the same without Hazel’s gift) by causing misfortune and eventually dying as of such, Percy suffers from all the responsibility, expectations and quests given by the gods (I think that one speaks for itself), Piper suffers from her charm speak a gift from her mother Aphrodite (albeit her dad is also neglectful but its not the same) by getting in massive trouble with the law and being sent away from her dad (the reason she was causing trouble), Idk if Jason actually suffers but I think it may have been the expectations of camp Jupiter (which is obviously the godly part) idk don’t came at me, and Annabeth suffers by always trying please her mother and prove herself to get attention (also very obvious in my opinion). But Leo, Leo thought that his mother died as a fault on his part. I’m pretty sure he either thought he set the place on fire idk and also the foster care system. The first one you could argue that was caused by Gaia, but Leo didn’t know that. He completely thought it was entirely his fault which is actually something that happens to people irl and about the foster care system we know it was super toxic because he literally ran away so many times and that’s how he ends up in the wilderness survival school. Also toxic foster parents are something that exists in real life. Also would like to mention most of this stuff the Seven (minus Piper and maybe Hazel but that doesn’t have big impact) already know about gods and stuff but like I pointed out previously Leo knew nothing! He literally lived his life thinking he killed his mother!!

Thank you for listening to my ted talk. 

P.S sorry for the spelling mistakes.

P.P.S would like to give credit to @liekasrt on Tumblr whom I got inspired by to take this route (a lot of Inspo comes from her pls go check her out I luv her stuff) 

Would also like to give credit to this fanfic on Ao3 (I’ll drop the link right after this) which liekarst took inspo from. I read it and it is absolutely amazing! 

You should go check these people out and thanks for reading my rant!

(If you’re reading this, this is just to make sure you check these people out) 

Always give credit where its due!

[akascow]

tua4 spoilers as i rant about it like everyone else bc wtf was that

its like the writers got knocked in the head and forgor everything that had to do with the comics and former seasons and instead of trying to relearn it all they just looked at a picture of the characters and a vague description of their powers and wrote a script around it held together by a used bandage and a dried out elmers glue stick

dude i havent even finished watching it yet but no fucking way they all die at the end (if i read that correctly)

ur telling me after fighting to save the world on 3 separate occasions they dont even get a happy ending ?? what

not even mentioning the whole victim blaming line of "your trauma is your own fault because you shouldve never existed in the first place" aYO?????? wHAT ?!? that makes me so mad like highkey what

i havent gotten to it yet but i know theres a whole thing with lila and five now too which fucking sucks because ew? huh

they literally ruined everyones relationship because why did ray walk out on allison and claire?? the fuck ? ray from s2 would punch side mention s4 ray in the dick

jennifer was a stupid plot point okay why the fuck was she in a squid howd she get there whered it come from and why does she have such a visceral reaction to it years later

as an AVID no1 klaus lover they really nerfed the best character in the show he literally only got shot so allison could get peer pressured into resuscitating a dnr patient basically bc they couldnt find another way to write in how he got his powers back,, and they completely threw away the part from last season that he can choose to stay in purgatory(?) if he wanted to so thats that i guess :/

also lila w laser eyes? lmao girl where did that come from (NOT how her powers work)

and last thing everyones already saying this i was so happy luther finally got his normal human body back (i cannot stand looking at that ape body ive hated it since s1 lmao) and he gets his SUPER STRENGTH back and suddenly hes hairy again ?? WHYYYY??? THATS NOT HOW HIS POWERS WORK

i will admit tho that one scene with diego flipping into gunfire and redirecting the bullets back at them was sick as fuck i smiled hard at that

anyway i wasnt expecting viktor to be my fave character this season but elliot page was like so good this season (also his voice is so yummy) i mean he was great in every other season but he stuck out to me the most this time lol. i like that he has more teasing and jokes and hes a lot more confident,, not that it matters now but whatever it was nice while it lasted

[the-shadowsingers-whore]

a court of wards and shadow

chapter ten

series overview

summary: aelis and azriel continue their mission to retrieve the book of wards from helion's private office but run into some unexpected obstacles

length: 3.5k

warnings: (18+ mdni) angst, violence, attempted assault, mentions of trauma, once again no actual smut but they continue to be low key horny for each other

disclaimer: this fic in no way represents any of sarah j. maas' work or ideas, it is for purely fictional/personal entertainment purposes

masterlist /// next chapter >>

author's note: omfg i'm so sorry it took me literally 6 months to post another part of this. i promise i haven't forgotten about it, i've just been really struggling with motivation (plus i know that i'm the only one who cares about this fic so i keep procrastinating). anywho, i hope you like this chapter!

the day begins much like the one prior, with only a grunt or short sentence every now and again the only proof that azriel knows i’m here. it feels like deja vu and after only an hour, i’m already too frustrated to stay quiet.

“really? this again? how many times are we going to do this?”

i watch as azriel stops, his shoulders tensing before he turns to address me. “what do you mean?”

“this. you being upset or moody about something but refusing to say anything about it so you just stay silent and keep to yourself until i call you out and we inevitably have some big, deep conversation about it.”

“i have no idea what you are talking about.” he responds dryly, his face one of practiced neutrality. 

“oh? really? well you did it before we left and then again after we left and i thought we had sorted everything out yesterday afternoon when we talked and then we……but then you did it again last night. everything was fine but then you got weird all of a sudden! you refused to look at me and then you barely spoke for the rest of the evening! i brushed it off after the long day we had but you are doing the same gods damned thing again today. so just tell me already before i lose my mind imagining things all day!”

“those stupid fucking thugs.” azriel grumbles, before turning back to continue down the path.

“what?” i say in confusion as i follow him.

“i said, those stupid fucking thugs,” he replies, raising his voice while picking up the pace.

“no, i heard you, but i’m confused as to how they are even remotely relevant to anything i just said.” i’m almost jogging to keep up with him at this point and he doesn’t show any signs of slowing down or giving me a straight answer for his behavior.

“it’s their fault.”

“you can’t honestly expect me to believe that. what they did has absolutely nothing to do with you ignoring me for hours for no reason!” my frustration is growing and i’m starting to run out of breath as i try and keep up with him.

“it has everything to do with it!” his voice booms through the forest when he stops abruptly and whirls around to face me. he moves so quickly i have to catch myself from slamming into his chest.

“they are the ones who dumped your bag out, soaking all of your things.” his voice is back to its regular volume, but i can still sense the anger simmering underneath the surface. i can practically see the frustration pouring off of him.

“if your clothing wasn’t ruined, you wouldn’t have had to borrow my shirt.” he’s upset i wore his shirt?! he’s the one who suggested it in the first place. and, i can imagine, was not going to let me refuse. 

“i’m sor--”

“i thought it would have been fine,” he cuts me off before i can get more than a single word out. “but then i saw you in that shirt. my fucking shirt…..” he trails off for a second, shaking his head. “it took me a moment, yes, but i was able to reign myself back in. i’m not a total animal.” 

oh. oh. 

warmth builds in my stomach as i realize what he’s saying. he liked what i looked like in his shirt. azriel, spymaster of the night court, one of the most powerful people i have ever met, liked what i, a little nobody faerie looked like while wearing his shirt. i fight the urge to smile at the thought.             

“i figured if i just made sure i only looked at your face, if i never looked at those damnable legs of yours, i would be fine. but, then you had to hang your clothes up to dry. all your clothes.” my eyebrows scrunch in confusion for a moment at the emphasis he placed, but when it hits me my eyes widen and my cheeks flush with embarrassment. “the thoughts that crossed my mind when i realized that you were wearing my shirt, and only my shirt….the mother damn me. 

“and so i tried to ignore you as best as i could. if i didn’t look at you, then i wouldn’t think about what you were, or were not wearing and i wouldn’t think of all the terrible, filthy things i wanted to do to you.” the warmth in my belly grows as i realize how desperately i want to know what those things were.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

“but then we had to sleep in the same bed. i barely slept, knowing you were right there all night, wearing only that shirt. cauldron, i was no better than those men who attacked you in the forest. no, i was worse. i know what you’ve been through, i know how much, you have endured. yet, here i was, mind spinning endlessly with vile thoughts. if you only knew what was going through my head when i woke up next to you this morning and was ---” he pauses, scoffing at himself.                                                                                                                                                                                    

“so that’s why i’ve been quiet all morning. and i’m sorry for ignoring you, but i will not apologize for trying to be decent to you after everything you have been through.” the firmness in his voice shows me how terribly he feels about his thoughts. 

i am secretly pleased that someone like me could have such an effect on someone like him. however, i simply nod slightly in response, understanding his desire to be honorable.

i want to say so many things, ask him so many questions, but one look at his face tells me he is drowning in guilt and shame. so instead i simply say, “well regardless of whether or not you will believe me, i forgive you even though there is nothing that needs to be forgiven. so from now on you should at least speak to me every once in a while. walking for hours in absolute silence is so painfully boring.” 

and mother curse me, i can’t help myself as i step closer and place a hand against his chest as i add, 

“and there’s a big difference between those bastards from yesterday and you. i never wanted to know any of the wicked thoughts running through their heads.” with that i throw him a wry smirk before stepping around his body to continue down the path, in shock at my own actions and words.

* * *

the rest of our journey passed quickly in a comfortable silence. there was still so much i wanted to say to azriel, so many things to confess, but now was certainly not the time.

as we drew closer to the day court a knot of nerves started to build in my stomach. and not just due to the impending task ahead we are about to face.

“are you okay?” azriel asks, somehow picking up on the anxiety i have tried so hard to hide over the last few miles.

“mmmhmmm,” i hum, trying my best to imbue confidence in the sound.

i can tell by the look on az’s face that he’s not convinced, but he continues on, somehow knowing i won’t reveal anything else even if he pushes further.

when we reach the base of the palace itself, everything passes in a blur: me leading azriel through a hidden servants entrance, him letting his shadows snake up and down the hallways to check for fae, us winding our way through the labyrinth of halls i know like the back of my hand. eventually we reach the servants’ door right outside helion’s private office.

“i guess this is where i head off alone,” i say, trying to keep my tone light and playful even though anxiety is wracking my every nerve.

“i guess so,” azriel responds, his face a picture of statute resolve. “i wish it was me rather than you who had to go in there,” he murmurs, his mask of indifference slipping for a moment to show a hint of fear and concern.

“it’s okay. i’ll be okay.” i push as much confidence in my voice as i can muster, offering him a half smile before slipping out the servants’ door and through the one into helion’s office, a wisp of a shadow trailing me.

the moment i enter the room i start scanning the bookshelves for the book that amren described to us before we left. my nerves grow as i pass shelf after shelf without finding the book we need, my fear of being caught growing with every second i spend here.

when i reach the last shelf in the library, i move to helion’s desk, rifling through the drawers as fast as i can. the third drawer catches as i try to slam it shut in my haste and i stop to study it for a moment, noticing that a section of the woodwork seems to gleam slightly. i lean closer and notice that the glowing scrollwork seems to be just slightly out of place from the ones around it. i reach forward and grasp it gently, twisting it ever so slightly. much to my surprise the carving slips then clicks into place and a fourth drawer not previously there pops out beneath the one i was investigating.

i quickly pull out the drawer and find a book that matches amren’s description perfectly. this has to be it. i gently remove the tome before sliding the drawer back in.

carefully tucking the book into my bag, i quickly scan the room to ensure i left no trace before slipping back out of the room and down the hall. i breathe a sigh of relief when i make it through the entrance to the servants' halls, but it gets stuck in my throat when i round the first corner and immediately slam into someone. 

the fae shoves me back, cursing under their breath. "watch where you’re going you little...... wait….. aelis?" my heart stops, ice shooting through my veins at the familiar voice. i try and duck my head, but i know it's too late. 

"it is you." camden chuckles darkly. he steps closer and i try to retreat, but my feet are frozen in place. fear begins to pound in my head like a drum, drowning out all rational thoughts as he closes the remaining distance between us. 

"now this is quite the surprise, i thought you were gone for good." he starts to slowly circle, taunting me with every step. "i must say, i was very disappointed to learn you had left. and without so much as a goodbye." he drags a finger along the side of my neck and i shudder at the contact, my skin crawling beneath his touch.

"and yet here you are. back for more." his finger slides down my shoulder, hooking into the collar of my tunic and dragging it down to expose more of my skin. “and looking better than ever. you just couldn't stay away, could you?" he mouth just barely brushes my flesh before my instincts finally catch up and i drive my elbow back into his gut. 

i stumble forward as he releases me, cursing loudly through gritted teeth. "now that's not a very nice way to greet me," he spits before lunging forward to grab my arm again. i try to remember my training, but panic overrides all rational thought. before i can counter he swings my body around and i stifle a cry as my shoulder slams into the wall with a sickening thud. 

"i was going to be nice and show you just how much i missed you, but it seems that i may have to teach you a lesson instead." 

he pins me against the wall, my newly injured shoulder screaming from the pressure. despite the pain,  i try to struggle against his hold, but he slaps me across the face so hard my head whips to the side and smacks into the wall.

the pain from the strike is hot and blinding and all consuming. i stop fighting, my body shutting down on instinct, knowing any fight will only bring more pain. one of his hands starts tugging at my belt and i screw my eyes shut, trying to numb all my senses, to put myself as far away mentally as i can. i feel the buckle come loose and the belt slides free of my pants.

and then all of a sudden his weight is no longer pressed against me. 

my eyes fly open to find azriel suddenly standing next to me, his fiery glare focused on camden who is now on the floor down the hall. 

camden pushes himself to standing, slowly brushing off his clothing. his gaze darts from azriel to me and then back to azriel as his mouth starts to draw up in a taunting smirk. 

"well now isn't this an interesting development? you ran away and found yourself some night court scum to play with. i guess it's lucky for you those brutes don’t mind damaged goods."

i look at the floor and shrink further into myself, shame flushing my cheeks at his words. 

"i suggest you don’t say another word." azriel’s low voice comes out calm and even, but even a fool would hear the warning lacing his tone. 

but camden doesn’t seem to care. he just continues on with that stupid, cocky grin pasted on his face. "i suppose i can't blame you for keeping her around though, you are a bastard after all. and she does have one of the best cunts i've ever been in."

before i can even blink camden is against the wall, azriels forearm pressing into his upper chest and his dagger poised an inch away from his throat. 

"since you can't seem to take a suggestion, let me make something very clear. you will not speak about aelis that way. in fact, you will not speak about her in any way." azriel’s voice is that of death itself and goosebumps break out along my skin as he speaks. "the only reason you will be leaving here alive is because i don’t have the time to scrub your blood from the walls.

“so instead, i want you to listen very closely. if you ever touch her, or tell anyone you saw either of us here, or so much as think about her existence ever again, i will personally hunt you down and separate you from your favorite plaything. permanently." he leans in closer, sliding his dagger down from camden’s neck to between his legs, digging his blade in ever so slightly. i remain frozen, staring at the stark fear that washes over camden’s face.

"and i will make sure to take my time." the last words come out in a threatening whisper and i watch as camden’s body shudders when the dagger presses further into his sensitive flesh. 

"understood?" camden nods quickly in response, eyes wide with terror. 

azriel releases him, taking a step back and allowing camden to take a breath before using the hilt of his dagger to smack him in the temple, knocking him unconscious. his body has barely crumpled to the floor before azriel is spinning around towards me, eyes flooded with worry as he quickly assesses me. 

"are you alright, did he hurt you?"

my hand instinctively moves to the scar on my abdomen and i shake my head lightly, my breath coming out ragged and my body starting to tremble as the adrenaline works its way through my system. 

azriel steps closer and reaches towards me, stopping himself just before he touches me when he notices me flinch slightly. i know he would never do me harm, but my body betrays me, shrinking into itself in the wake of what just happened. 

"aelis," he murmurs softly. "everything's okay. you're safe now. i would never let him hurt you. i--" his back straightens, head whipping towards the entrance to the servants' halls as the shadows around him start to flit about more frantically. 

he turns back to me, his expression revealing nothing. "aelis, i know you're probably still scared. and overwhelmed. but we need to go now. okay?" his voice is calm and reassuring, not holding an ounce of panic or urgency even though i know that whatever he just heard can't be good. 

i force myself to nod, pushing all thoughts and emotions deep down and focusing only on getting out of here. i extend my hand to him and he grasps it gently, the warmth of his palm steadying me. he starts leading me quickly through the winding halls, his shadows wrapping thickly around us, shielding us slightly from view. 

i follow azriel like a child, thinking of nothing but putting one foot in front of the other. before i know it we are slipping through a hidden side door and azriel is winnowing us away, his shadows squeezing me tightly. 

after a moment, they clear and i find us standing in the woods just outside of what looks like a small village. 

i immediately whip around to face him, fear racing through me for an entirely new reason. “you winnowed!” 

“we needed to get out of there quickly and you looked in no shape to do that. i didn’t want to risk you getting hurt further.” i nod tightly in response, embarrassed and angry at myself for jeopardizing our entire mission because i couldn’t get my panic under control.

“hey, it’s okay,” he says gently, reading my expression. “it’s not your fault. i should have known better than to bring you back there, i should have found another way to--”

“no, it’s my fault. i said i was ready, that i could do this. i thought i was ready…..” i murmur, my eyes trained on the floor as shame threatens to consume me. 

“aelis-” 

“all that training.” i cut him off before he can offer up whatever weak excuse he crafted to make me feel better. “all that training for months and months and for what? for me to immediately panic and shut down instead of using it to fight back? i’m sorry you all have been wasting your time on me, i should have known better than to think i could be like any of you.” i laugh bitterly.

“aelis, stop.” his words are soft, but commanding and when i chance a look up at him i find nothing but compassion written across his face. no disappointment. no pity. just a gentleness that makes my heart ache in a way i didn’t know it could.

“stop apologizing, stop blaming yourself, stop saying you aren’t good enough. just stop.” he reaches forward and gently grasps my hands with his. “the only reason we are here and have the one thing that might help us protect our court is because of you. so quit worrying about what happened back there and just think about that.” 

“but--”

“but nothing. it’s okay. it’s more than okay actually, it’s normal. you just have to keep training. and training. and training. and then one day if you happen to find yourself in a situation like that again and your brain shuts down--which it probably will because no amount of practice can make your mind unlearn years of abuse--then your body will take over. it will just be muscle memory. and you will be fighting back without even realizing. it just takes time.” 

“i just feel bad that you’re constantly having to rescue me,” i chide, trying to lighten the tone after taking a moment to absorb his words, knowing he’s right. 

“oh, don’t feel bad, you make such a dashing damsel in distress.” he gives me a shy smile and a wink. i feel heat rise to my cheeks at the compliment and my mind scrambles to form a response, but he quickly changes the subject, saving me from myself. “now how about a warm meal and a night’s rest in a bed of your own before we start the trek back tomorrow? i didn’t winnow us very far from the palace, hoping that such a small use of power wouldn’t alert helion to anything he needed to investigate. which means we have quite the ways to go before we get beyond the extent of his wards.”

i smile softly in response and he leads me through the small village to a cozy inn where we wash off the dirt from the last few days and enjoy a hot meal before parting ways to rest in our own private rooms.

taglist: @lennaleen @mis-lil-red

©️ the-shadowsingers-whore - plagiarizing, reposting, and translating is not permitted

[sunshine-in-a-bottle]

Everything to do with Edelgard's route is incredibly frustrating to me.

She has no agency. She's not starting this war for herself, she's being held at gunpoint by TWSITD and the best she can do is try to put literally any of the conflict on her own terms. It puts her in this constant in-between of "its her fault" and "its not her fault". You can never say how many things she's done have been her own choice.

Her most prominent captors are male, and it feels incredibly sexist to have this compelling female character who's influence is actually not hers, but The Men Behind Her, but also allow her to take the fall for all these decisions as if she had been to one to make them. She's villainized for what she can't control. She doesn't even get to take responsibility. She goes "oh my fake uncle did that. Sad." They couldn't commit to her making morally grey choices, but they sure can have her be disdainful of the people who suffered from those choices, as if they want to have their cake and eat it too. pick one.

And Yet More Possible Sexism. Hubert waits for Edelgard to make decisions, and if he doesn't like them, he'll secretly do what he wanted to do instead and claim its for her own good. As her most loyal friend, he should know how little agency she already has, how valuable it must be to her to be allowed to make her own decisions, and yet he still makes these choices for her.

Edelgard claims that the Truth of Fodlan is passed down from Emperor to Emperor, but we have no way of knowing if that evidence was doctored, edited, or biased when the earliest part of her life was dedicated to surviving a coup and then enduring torture from the people who have every reason to lie to her. When did she learn this info? She wasn't emperor when it was given to her. Is it an oral telling or is it written down? If its recorded, how safe is that location, and who was its original writer?

The Abyss DLC makes a good point about the way information can be edited and altered depending on who's in power and what propaganda you want to push through its library. To take a historical account at face value without examining these possible biases is a good way to spread misinformation, and Edelgard, under TWSITD's thumb, is hardly in a good place to recover info that hasn't been influenced by her captors.

I think the fact that Edelgard doesn't have all the information is probably the worst part of her route. Her endgame narrative is not one of true freedom. She's plugging in the narrative she has, coloring it with her trauma and her deepest wishes beyond all else. This route is not triumphant. You do not win a better future.

Her end card also is deeply disconcerting.

Just. The other routes don't have all these peasants looking distressed or unsettled. The destruction of two countries who fought to be allowed to be independent now being forced to abandon their culture in favor of once again joining the empire they had left in the first place. The emphasis on Hubert being the one drawing your in the background, having control, in a way that literally none of the other (male) lords have. Edelgard doesn't even get to be the true focus in her own goddamn mural. What is this.

What is the point of having this amazing, morally grey female character who takes up the focus of the entire game if you're going to constantly undermine literally everything she does by waving your hands and saying "well TWSITD did that actually. Hubert did that actually. She didn't actually want to do any of this, and if she did it wasn't that bad, and all of her info is dubiously sourced. She'll sound vaguely bitchy though if you want to feel like hating her."

Just. Stop doing this.

[nomsfaultau]

Daily ask №23!

Random/cursed edition!

What if I were to try and tell Fault!Wilbur where babies come from?

So. Phil has said that Tubbo's problem is not having blood in that one famous shitpost which got me into Fault in the first place. So. What if they did have blood though? Like what if some of the wax cells were filled with blood? Just spontaneously. For blood-letting purposes, yk.

I think I saw you mention somewhere that Fault!Tubbo either has or could potentially have memories from different alternative versions of themselves. Explain please?? Also does that mean that they potentially have memories from my personal au where most of my ocs and headcanons live? Btw my first reaction at that thought was "AAHH FUCK NONONONONO BITCH CHEESUS CRUST". It's not that bad though I promise I'd just be embarrassed either way.

What if. What if the Fault crew + the scp researchers got spontaneously teleported into a gacha reaction videos where they had to react to your shitposts, animations and drawings. Also throw a couple of 2018 style gacha vids in there for good measure. (While writing this I checked the lyrics of Devils don't fly and realised that it's actually a pretty serious song. Which like- damn.)

What role would the Fault crew characters get in the soldier poet king test? I do love that test a little too much maybe- here's the link to the quiz! https://uquiz.com/quiz/MYLbZ3/are-you-a-soldier-a-poet-or-a-king

This one has heavy spoilers!

1. Probably depends on how you do it, but I think he’d just take basic notes on sex-ed. Doesn’t have much puritan context of taboo or embarrassment on the subject. Fairly indifferent on the whole sex thing because he doesn’t think it’ll ever come up in his lifestyle of avoiding humans and knowing only 4 people. Probably a little irritated that its theories were so wildly off base, grumble a bit about how its own ideas about making Faustian bargains with dark entities and trading organ: [womb] for power make far more sense but whatever. He thinks pregnancy is stupid because how are you supposed to run like that? And your food is SIPHONED off by the fetus? Why can’t they get their own? And at the end you get a human. Terrible process all around. 3/10 Tommy has less ammunition to tease it now and that’s IT. 

2. Probably smell bad. Maybe they could do things like blush? Mosquitoes would go crazy for them. If this is ‘a previously weren’t a blood fruit gusher’ situation, Tubbo would be freaking out about 1. Who the muffin’s blood is this and 2. Starving 2 death babyy. Cause they really need that honey to operate. A bunch of baby larva are going to die even if all the workers can go into overdrive to feed the Hive. I think it would be very funny if Tubbo tried to break into a blood bank to donate it all. Shhh don’t worry about where this blood came from. Or what happened to the security cameras. It’s for a good cause trust trust. 

3.Heavy spoilers. The plan was that Tubbo and Wilbur get dunked through the near apocalypse via dissolving of the narrative due to SOMEONE being so depressed it fails to keep the void in check/potentially interpretable as being suicidal, thus exposing the two to pure void madness and realizing everything is a story. Which would entail having some familiarity/confusion about the source material of the dsmp, some vlogs, etc. but not necessarily AUs. But then SOMEONE turned out to be an abusive ass, and that plot point got very icky to me. I’ve been debating it for months, but realized I’m sexy and do what I want so am going to limit it to pure awareness of being a story, but not necessarily a fanfic. Still has the existential crisis of it and the philosophical implications that are going to so beautifully deal with themes of attachments, the purpose of narratives, and parallel whatever the hell trauma Tommy is dealing with during that section. But won’t actually deal with having any true awareness of stuff outside of Fault. Except maybe for realizing “Lawrence killed our muffining husband?!” because that scene was funny as hell to write. I dunno plans change. I’ve tried not to let outside events change my artistic vision, but it’s inevitable. 

4.Oh goodness they absolutely despise me for all the jokes about the horrors they’re going through. Probably think they’re being drawn ‘cute’ given they’re probably a lot freakier looking irl, and slightly distressed about being chibis. I think most would even consider it ‘out of character’ given their self perceptions don’t tend to be the most accurate. Current Wilbur is hissing and vehement about being constantly called an it because his character development is very far off from when that happens. Philza is a little disappointed that his bloodthirsty moments gets so much emphasis since he’s so chill 97% of the time. Tommy is absolutely chuffed to bits to realize he’s the main character, though trying to do damage control cause haha I’m fine guys this crazy internet person just made me seem edgy and depressed. 

Webb is going to strangle me for the Philza/Webb post tho. And the haha poor alcoholic divorcee doormat jokes. Dr. Blake assumes the blog is an anomaly and starts trying to torture it…?

5. I took the quiz sitting in the heads of all of them. 

Tommy: The Poet. “So I wait for you like a lonely house till you will see me again and live in me, till then my windows ache.” “The one who hurt you haunts you. In your nightmares, they say I am disappointed in you” literally happens in Fault. With Philza. “What is a sin? Inevitable” is pretty much something he tells Tubbo word for word. “What is hell anyway? Barren” "how can you love me with all that I've done ?"

The Blade: The Soldier. “if you were to wear a crown it would be covered in blood. The one of the guilty.” “The sword is at your side. It bore your name long before you did.” is rather literal both for his name and The Blood God. “but how can I sleep with the world in my head?" “What is hell anyway? Doubt”

Wilbur: The King. “Despite all your attempts, you have never been a healer. You hurt people and they leave and you are alone in a room full of silence. You sing to try and forget, but it does not work” everything about this. Trying to heal but being made of destruction, his fears of devouring his family, singing, memory loss, everything everything it’s so Wilbur. "come and be human with me" “The one who hurt you haunts you. In your nightmares, they say I love you." <literally Phil’s last words when Wilbur killed him in the Whumptober au. "but how can I sleep with the world in my head?" why it has insomnia.

Philza: The Poet. “There are rules. How many? One, and you will follow it.” For his Collected. “Fear: You did your best and it wasn't enough. You tried and failed and kept trying and it wasn't enough. You had the power to change things and it wasn't enough.” For all his dead children. "you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist" it's him reaching out. I love the reverse imagery with Phil, a god worshiping his mortals “anger is a strength in a world of apathy.” He feels no shame or burden for his anger, knowing well the good it can do. “Who taught you about guilt? The silence” 

Tubbo: The King. Absolutely perfect as a foil to The Blade btw. “What is duty? Undeniable” “The throne looks golden, and covered in flowers” “Fear: You did your best and it wasn't enough. You tried and failed and kept trying and it wasn't enough.” Saving people from Philza. “The one who hurt you haunts you. In your nightmares, they say I forgive you” Rosaliiiiiind. “Who taught you about guilt? God”

[unabashednightmarepizza]

𝑊𝑒 𝐶𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝐺𝑒𝑡 𝐴𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔

A/N: If anyone's wondering the requests are open for tlou and THANK YOU FOR THE LOVE YOU SHOWED TO THE FIRST CHAPTER!

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

The late night breeze that used to calm you now was a distant memory, its wind only causing painful memories to resurface. That night, after your talk with Ellie, where you told her about your life before and Joel heard every single one of it, sleep didn’t find you for many nights. Many possible ends of how the man would think of you now, how he would act with you, occupied your mind so much that you sat up with an agitated groan and kick your boots away in the end.

Your head was throbbing because of how much thinking you did since that day, after shoving Joel away from you and begging Maria to go on a patrol outside the city which she reluctantly said okay and made you swear to be careful. Tommy saw how you talked hurriedly with shaky eyes, thinking that Joel did something more and getting ready to give him a piece of his mind when you stopped him with a soft smile, telling him that he now knew everything and that you needed some time before facing the gruff man.

“Oh...I’m sorry, Y/N.” He uttered softly with understanding eyes, knowing... witnessing what you had to do while rubbing your arms softly while you shrugged him off and went out with the Gear. “It’s fine, Tommy. Don’t strain your relationship with your brother just because of me... He didn’t do anything wrong.”

The moonlight that creeked inside your room that was once a peaceful place to rest, was now a place covered in broken glasses that showed your memories. And amidst the shower of sudden memories of the time when you saw Joel right in front of you, shock, guilt, and care being on the face of the grumpy man who tried to kill you, who insulted you non-stop, you cursed and threw your body on the creaking bed with a heave.

Cursing of the way you were thinking of the man.

The sudden thoughts you suddenly started to have about the man, after seeing him, had terrified you. Surely, he was a good looking man, strong enough and even if he acted all rough and harsh, he had a good heart. I can’t believe I’m getting worked up over a man after so many years, you thought, disbelief evident even in your inner voice. Maybe it wasn’t your fault entirely, after all you didn’t have a normal teenagehood where people like you experienced crushes and falling in love, in a normal safe place.

In here, there was no such thing.

Though you refused to admit to yourself that the man slowly grew in you, even taking a liking to his sassy answers, it was wrong... You were in an apocalyptic world, where people killed to survive... Thinking of a man...

But... it didn’t hurt to imagine, right?

“Nope, that can’t go like this... I need to clear my head and focus on my task.” You said, giving up on the sweet sleep and got up to wear the boots you kicked earlier, taking your blade and gun just in case. Making your way down the ladders of your home and out the house you had, there was still the thoughts of Joel and how... shocked and crestfallen he looked, in his own way, when he heard your story.

“Nice, now that I’m starting to have thoughts about a man I just met who heard all of my trauma... I also need to apologize to him.” You groaned tiredly, angry, but not at Joel or anyone.

To yourself.

It wasn’t your place to question who he had lost, how much pain he saw, and clearly somewhat, reminding him of his daughter by that sentence you said to him before getting to the car to escort them here.

At least I got to save people, when you couldn’t save any...

In your defence, you totally didn’t have any idea of him having a child. Had Tommy not come to you before throwing your gear on the backside of the car and explaining what happened to Joel hurriedly begore you said something more, your heart broke in your chest and froze on the driver’s seat, not expecting that. Had it been anyone else, you wouldn’t show your sympathy and how much it affected you but to learn that she was barely 12 and the he lost her right in front of his eyes just because of a policeman...

A scoff left your mouth, the bitter taste of what some of them who were unmerciful did to the people. That’s what you meant when you told Ellie that the world was even cruel to people when there were “laws”, and when it also went down, it trully showed the true nature of humans. You weren’t a stranger to their animosity, experiencing first-hsnd how it was...

Both in the modern world, and the one you had now.

“As someone careful, you are not really aware of your surroundings huh?”

At the deep, raspy vouce behind you, you didn’t hesitate to bring your gun up and point at whoever was behind you, only to see Joel in some pajamas and a shirt with messy hair, obviously tousled because of either he turned around on his bed or couldn’t sleep just like you. “Hey, hey, it's me! Calm down a bit, will ya?”

“In a shithole like this? Not a chance, Miller...” you said with a thundering heart that slowly calmed down, and put the gun to its original place. Joel’s eyes watched you with a steadiness you only saw on killer’s face, a face you once wore, but then unexpectedly, he gave a small smile to you.

You, who tried to kill him and basically threatened him.

“You’re right, Y/L/N but I can see that you still have some enthusiasm to live.” He said, pointing to the gun between your hand and you shrugged before putting it away.

“I’m a soldier now, I have a duty. And it’s to protect and save as many people as possible... If you call this enthusiasm, I wonder yours.”

The familiar words he remembered Tess saying before she sacrificed herself resurfaced and for a second, that same hard look came back. At that time, he swore he would change and never let something like that happen to anyone, leaving them to kill their own souls just for the sake of others. Her death was something unexpected, something he just... didn’t see coming. The face she did when she said that she didn’t expect him to return the feelings she had and how she screamed at him to go and take Ellie to safety...

It left a deep, painful scar on him.

But of course, you didn’t know any of these.

You wondered what you did this time when his eyes bore into yours and he walked up to you. You slightly panicked when he started to get closer to you, mind running all over the place to find something to say.

Should I apologize now? Or offer something to drink? No, am I pervert to do that? It never ended well in all the movies I watched, oh shit he is coming closer! Come on think some-

“You, uh... You couldn’t sleep too?” your hesitant voice and awkward smile stopped him right before you and he couldn’t help the amused smile creeping up on his face at seeing the ruthless woman he had first seen became an unsettled teen, and his mind played the time when you exploded and killed all the Clickers and the humans which made impression awake in him, he hummed to your question and went along with your game where you tried to avoid the topic at hand and awkwardly scratched his neck, feeling like a teenager all so suddenly with being close to you.

“Yeah, it’s the bed I guess... And the house.”

“Is something wrong? I thought Maria and Tommy gave you one with the greatest-“

“It’s not that... It’s more about me not being used to have a constant place to live for so long.” You hummed in approval, understanding where he was coming since you lived like that for a long time. It surely took a ling time for you to actually accept having a home, and even then, you still barely stayed there, thinking that it couldn’t belong to you.

But Maria was a scary woman.

Eyeing the bar at the end of that alley, which was still open for some reasons, you pinted there with your hand while your hands stayed inside your pockets. “Then, may I offer you a beer? As a token, you know?”

“I don’t know, kid-“

“Stop calling me that and besides, I was going there anyways. It’s good whenever I can’t sleep...” and besides maybe, we can talk some more, especially after that eavesdropping, you wanted to add but held your tongue back and waited for his answer.

And now, here you two were, in the same bar that would always stay open with beers in hand, casually talking as if you two had been friends for a long time. He looks much lovely like this, you thought while surpassing a smile at one of his stories. Laughing suits him more than that grumpy scowl-

“Cat got your tongue? You got quiet suddenly.” He said after gulping down the last dip and turned to you. You smiled and shook your head, hands starting to get sweaty.

“No, of course not... I was just thinking, about the past, you know? It all reminds me of the days I sued to hang out with my friends.”

“And here you are stuck with an old-man like me.” Joel chuckled under his breath, not disturbed in the slightest but still a small part of him was pouting at how the years passed so fast. All those cruel years, alone, scared and harsh...

And without...Sarah.

Your heart rate picked up at the sound and how attractive it sounded, mentally kicking yourself and blaming the alcohol when you spoke. “I wasn’t going to say that Joel but rather how I never imagined myself doing it with another one years later, in an apocalypse.”

If Joel had the littlest of mind to stop himself from blushing and getting shy, he would have done that when your teasing eyes found his and he realized just how teasing and funny you were, how warm you were...

How pretty you were.

But of course, he hid his inner thoughts behind an awkward cough, eyes darting away from yours which made him seem... Cute.

“ Didn’t know you considered us friends...” he pointed the glass to you accusingly, slighty tipsy but not enough to stop his brain function, shoxked that after what he said and did, you considered him to be of the town.

Friends, he thought bitterly. Even before all this shit, I didn’t have one...

To be honest, you were surprised of yourself too. Never in a million years would you have thought that you would be considering someone, a man, as your friend and even get confortable enough to drink with him. The world before outbreak was shit, the most trusted one could turn their back to you-and they still did- There was no guarantee that they wouldn’t drug you, lie to you, ruin you...

But still, humans always found something in another one to get close to. Humans are social creatures, darling. We can’t do much without the support of another...

You shrugged you shoulders, the tension slowly pouring down and away from your shoulders. “ Well, surprise then because I did... I know I have been an ass to you but you can’t really blame me after... you know...” you mumbled the last part, unsure if it was a good thing to....

And just like that, the awkwardness you two threw out the window came back, which answered your worries. Joel was reminded of his previous actions, and though there was guilt, there was also the sight of you all angry, marching up to him with your sword pointing to him.

A sight that enamored him, trully.

Now, he could feel the way his blush actually reached down to his neck and he cursed at his intrusive thoughts while you raised a brow at him, placing your glass down. You knew, after Tommy cornering you, that his daughter was killed by a police, shot through her abdomen and died between her father’s arms. You, never even if you tried, could understand the pain he went through. A father watching his child die before him was so much to bear and you knew that there was a high chance of him blowing on you if you said anything about it.

But unknowingly, you also ridiculed her death, and owed an apology to the man next to you.

And Joel, too, owed an apology after calling you a brat who was good for nothing and thought of herself highly who killed people unmercilessly.

“I’m sorry...” you both apologized at the same time, hearts almost feeling the way the other felt  and you couldn’t help the snort that left you while he chuckled genuinely. The sides of his eyes crinkled and you stared at them for so long and admired his smile that suited him, he did the same to you. He realized you didn’t show much emotion, but you were strong.

Not just mentally but physically.

He admired how you stood your ground. Sure and authoritative, making even someone like him listen to your commands and words. But a part of him envied you for moving on from what happened without not getting yourself into any of the things he did.

Or maybe you did, but didn’t say it to anyone.... Which was apparently the case, now that he heard your story.

He wondered how your life had been before this. You must be around 40 something according to your story and still, you looked as young as any other young adult, probably a result of always running and training. The amount of dedication you had, in your life and goal, amazed him and made guilt reappear at the words he had spitted in fit of rage.

He never liked people acting like they knew him the best, and in exchange, he had done the exact same to you, someone who saved them even when you didn’t have to.

He remembered his talk with Tommy, after watching you clean one of the terrain vehicles with a hard glare and tight lips after getting them back here safely,he asked Tommy what was your deal.

Why you looked so stern but always helped people when you didn’t like them so much.

“She may not like people, arrogant ones, especially,” he said, scoffing at his obvious interest and regret for assuming things and continued while he helped around one of the residents in the community. “But just so you know, she has the biggest heart in here. And the brains too. If Maria is the political kinda smart, she is the military-kinda-smart. If all these people are alive and well, living here, it’s thanks to her. Including you, Joel.”

Joel raised a brow at his brother’s protective side for you, curious what was the reason, his curiousity peaked even more at his brother’s last words before disappearing. “And Joel? A suggestion from me, she doesn’t like to be told what to do either. Liars too, so if you want to reconsile and apologize... Be genuine, or else she would cut your dick off.”

He probably wouldn’t do that, had he not started to look for Ellie and hear you tell her your story. Hearing you went through almost the same shit as him, and lost more than him and still, you found a way to keep going, made him angry at himself.

Angry because he couldn’t do that for the longest time, and still wasn’t able to, and because he saw his own pain worse than the others’.

He is not the only one who lost someone dear, your voice rang inside his mind and his hands clenched nervously around his glass. He never had to do that, any of it...

Apologizing.

His mind told him that he had to, for he already mistreated you enough. His heart stubbornly believed that he didn’t do anything wrong and behaved just like anyone who had seen another human after such a long time would have.

It has been days, you fucker, you know you have to!

He groaned at the inner voice screaming at him and rubbed his eyes harshly, mind and heart in a dilemna. His hand lingered there, and you watched the internal battle he had with curious and keen eyes. The moonlight that shone on half of his face was able to make you see what he was feeling. A war of mind and heart, indeed...

Lips almost up in a scowl, worry lines decorated his forehead and the veins on his arms bulged as if he was squeezing something really hard made you gulp and a feeling you weren’t used to feeling erupted in you.

Fear and... something more human...

Liking.

It was no lie that Joel was a good-looking man, skillful enough to survive for so long and though he had a shit way of showing his care behind that rough exterior, his eyes still betrayed him. You were no blind to the obvious care Ellie and Joel had for each other, the man protecting the girl as if his life depended on it made you smile,a sign of the ghost of the woman you were, and it made you trust him, take a liking towards him.

Trust was so hard to find these days, you thought while rubbing your arm nervously, contemplating whether to leave or take a step to him. For so long, you never trusted anyone. You survived on your own and you were fine, and when you did, that person had to betray you with one secret you had and gave you to the Fireflies.

You were lucky that Tommy was there and saw how shitty the humans had become, saved you and brought you here or else, you would have been dead as well.

Ever since then, he tried to get you out of your shell little by little, alongside with Maria. They always told you to never put yourself in danger for others, that you were more than a weapon and had to rest and though it was hard to do so, you slowly did. But never forgot what trusting someone brought you...

The darker side of your story that you didn’t tell Ellie.

But...

Joel opened his eye at feeling your smaller hands touch his arm that held the bridge of his nose and his breath got caught, heart beated a little bit faster at the look you gave him. It was two things that he hadn’t had the luxury of having for fifty years: Understanding and sympathy.

“It’s okay, Joel... These days have been hard for you, I understand. I need to go to my patrol anyways, so if you wish, you and Ellie can come and sleep in my house until we fix everything with yours tomorrow with Tommy.”

She never offers her help so outly, Tommy words again rang in his mind and for a second he thought Tommy lied to him because here you were, standing before the sinner of a man he was, looking like an angel even with the tired eyes you had, offering him your help. He was no amateur, he was aware that many people held their distance their own walls to protect themselves and neither he nor you were an exception. He saw how you reacted when someone clashed your walls, how you protected it like a soldier protecting his country.

So you can imagine how it was to see you slowly lower your walls around him, though hesitantly. Had you not done that, you wouldn’t be standing close to him here, in the middle of the road when no one was around, you skin touching his, and invite him for a drink. And for some reasons, that brought a happiness to him. One that made him open his eyes trully and that was when his thoughts started to linger on you, rather than your personality.

You were... beautiful.

That single thought was enough to make him completely stop, and slowly look down to your innocent eyes and the smile you wore whenever you saw something you liked. Fuck, he couldn’t help but curse. First he did the unimaginable and apologized to someone and now just days later, he was fancying that someone. He felt like a pervert, with you being at least 15 years younger than him but...

It was just pure attraction... right?

Not because he admired you...

While he was deep in his thoughts, of course he didn’t realize you were getting restless and worried that you did something wrong by touching him. You remembered how it used to bring comfort to your sisters and friends and thought it would help.

The awkwardness between you two killed each other. Joel didn’t know what to say after saying something he never saw himself actually uttering, and you never expected to get close to the man so suddenly. It had been like a week since they came and you didn’t want to be seen desperate for a man so much so that you tried to seduce one you saw on the road after denying everyone’s advances to you.

And besides... None of you spoke again after apologizing at the same time. It was expected from him, he was bad with words and mostly grunted in answer, fortunately, it was you who spoke first.

“Why the heck are you apologizing? I’m the one who has been a dick to you when you were about be sadwiched between fuckers who can’t even throw a decent fist.” You said, slowly retreating your hand back from his arm, which he already missed having from the warmth it gave, and chuckled to your answer. It was true that they were shit at fighting but the way you said it oh-so-knowingly reminded him of how Tommy and Sarah would roast him.

No wonder you and Ellie get along well...

“We both have been dicks to each other, no? And I know you don’t have a patrol to do... If I made you uncomfortable just say-“

“You didn’t, Joel and God, stop analyzing me... How are you so good at this?”

He chuckled and leaned back on his chair, feeling at ease after a long time and relaxed with a nice stretch. “I think it’s a dad thing... And why did you apologize to me? I was the one who insulted you.”

Yep, here we go...

You took a deep breath, preparing yourself for the storm to come and spat out what has been bugging you. “I apologized because I didn’t know you also lost someone dear... that you lost your daughter.”

Joel’s eyes hardened, jaw clenched at the mere mention of Sarah. He never expected you to know about her, probably a result of Tommy telling about him to you, and even bring the mention of her so suddenly. He felt the nauseous feeling, hus mouth completely drying and suddenly he slammed a hand and tried to move past your sitting form, wanting to get away, all thoughts about being nice temporarily leaving his mind. “I don’t need an apology and don’t act and look at me like you understand-“

“I can never understand loosing a child, Joel... I have never been a mother, or anything close to that title. But I know how it feels like to watch blood of your blood die before you, unable to help because you are just so terrified to see the death close to you when you always thought that you would be the first one to go.”

Joel was startled at your weak voice, so much so that he stopped right before getting out, his anger leaving his body and making him turn back to you, eyeing you for a while. Now that he, once again, set his anger aside, he just remembered everything he worked hard for.

How hard he worked for Sarah...

How he worked hard to survive...

How he worked hard to save Tess...

How he worked hard to find the courage to apologize...

And he didn’t achieve any of it.

“I... fuck, I’m sorry Y/N. It wasn’t my intention-“ he exclaimed, ashamed and sad at how his anger took over him and made him forget about your own fair shair of trauma.

“It’s fine... I understand.” You mumbled and finished the rest of your beer, sitting there contemplating whether you shoul go or not. You lied to yourself that it didn’t affect you, that it was just as hard for you to talk about your family as it was hard for him, but Joel was a good observant and he saw you biting down on your lip hard, drawing blood. He grunted angrily at himself, brushing his hair back and walked back to sit next to you defeatedly.

You watched how the stern man slowly crumbled, how his eyes slowly had tears and how he brought his left hand in front of him to look at his watch. You supposed it was a gift from his daughter, and felt like throwing up at reminding him of the pain.

But, if there was one thing you remembered from your previous life in modern world, it was to keep going talking about the pain.

He already reminisced about her and the pain had already resurfaced, it was best to let him grieve openly.

“Was that a gift from her?” you pointed to the watch with your head, wanting to learn who he was before this ans seeing if you trully were alike. He chuckled under his breath, amused that it was obvious that the watch was picked by a female and he was sure that Sarah would have made fun of him.

“Yeah... Feels stupid how even after years, I can’t let go of her.”

“You don’t have to, Joel. I’m sure that she is very proud of you...” you comforted him, rubbing his shoulder and he turned his head at you with a broken look. It had been so long that he felt the comfort of another one, since he talked about that night and he welcomed your warm hands and soft look with a longing.

Even if he didn’t deserve it.

“You don’t know the things I did, kid...” The only answer you gave was a knowing smile. “ Trust me, Joel, you weren’t the only one who did unethical things to survive. And you are also not the only one who couldn’t let go of the past.”

He watched you take out a little box from your pocket hesitantly and set in on the table, opening it to reveal different kinds of stones and necklaces inside. He tilted his head curiously at you, not understanding why you were opening up to him when you spoke with a far-away look. “My sisters were a bunch of little monsters, always jumping around and finding extraordinary things. Their hyper fixations were necklaces and stones and... they used to collect them to put in here. It’s the one thing I can’t let go...”

“Seems like they had a good eye catching shiny things.” He hoped his attempt at joking wouldn’t end up bad, and he sighed in relief when a snort left you and you turned your eyes to look at him. The moonlight now shone on his face, contrasting with the warm hues of the lightning inside the bar, and the way he looked at you as if you two were the center of the world made butterflies erupt in you, eyes shyly looking down on the box while a flustered smile broke out on your face.

“It seems your daughter also has a sense of fashion, seems like she was a daddy’s girl...” he chuckled at your flustered face and looked down on the wrist watch, remembering his last moments with Sarah and feeling touched at you referring to her “in the present tense” as if she was still there.

And maybe she was. She always talked about how people’s soul would accompany their loved ones to comfort them and he desperately hoped that it was true, even though he always made fun of her always watching dramatic movies.

Because God knew, he needed it.

He couldn’t help but think that she would have liked you, and always hang around you much like Ellie. He wished she was there, he wished your sisters were there too...

He wished none of this happened.

But now, in the middle of a dying world, in a bar, he thought that maybe, that was God’s way of giving him a kind of peace.

A second chance...

A way to redeem himself and finally make amends. He looked at you, with his eyes filled with a new determination. Though it was fast, trusting you with all of his being, he saw how good of a heart you had. How much you sacrificed to be here.

I swear, you will not be one of those I lost...

“If that’s okay... What's her name?”

And now, looking at the way you carefully chose your words while talking to him, bringing him something else to drink, he knew that maybe, he could get along with you...

Friends, as Ellie called it.

“It was Sarah, here.”

And while you two spent the rest of the night drinking and telling each other of your pasts, you supposed that even in the most dire terms, humans would always be able to live, as long as they held hope and what made them humans.

Love and care.

Trust...

Hope...

You two’s story didn’t start good maybe, both of you trying to kill the other, but looking at the gruff man trusting you with his most important secret and talking fondly of Sarah and even including your sisters, you realized that you both were just two broken souls trying to heal themselves.

He, with Ellie, and you, with Adelaine.

And who knew maybe, by some chance, you could get along with him too. Here, in Jackson, was peaceful and quiet and it was time to build a safe place amongst all the chaos going on outside...

In rememberance for those who you both lost on the way.

But Jackson was a quiet place in an apocalyptic world, where there were eyes that watched you and waited for a chance to attack.

Not that you would know...

[starlightshore]

Thanks for the Measured Response™. Unfortunately the character limit doesn't allow for much nuance in asks. My issue isn't so much with the character's actions as the way their conflict is framed. It always feels like we're supposed to judge Asriel way harsher - for ghosting the person responsible for their trauma - than Chara, who is actively trying to hurt them. I know you don't want to trivialize abuse, but the story still botches the subject pretty badly. Still, good luck with the rewrite.

(sighs) please anon, while I do appreciate the effort to acknowledge the lack of nuance in the previous ask, I would much rather you approach me more reasonably. I don't appreciate you coming to me, a complete stranger to both of us, with this attitude of already guilty. can you please learn to talk to people more reasonably? like, I'm living my life out here and you come and accuse me in a really rude way of promoting abuse or whatever the far-fetched conclusion that ask could come across as.

I am more than happy to accept fault over my writing and do my best to improve, but I want to do so on friendly, acceptable terms. please withhold condemnation and explain how and why you feel the story was mishandled. You do so really nicely in the second ask and I appreciate that.

Ultimately, regardless of my intent, my story didn't convey the message and that's, at the very least, mostly my fault. I can try to explain why I'd argue I didn't fuck up as badly as you paint me as, but I will accept that the story I wrote was not emotionally paced well made it weigh more towards cruelty without the hope and understanding I wanted the story to be read as.

I want to stress that I take abuse deadly seriously. I'm a victim of emotional abuse myself and this is something I am desperate to portray in all of its ugly, dirty detail and I want to do it without hurting people. I obviously failed when I first wrote this and I want to say thank you for coming to me about it, even if I feel there is still some friction here I want to express that gratitude. But also please be aware of how you approach people. (referring to the OG ask here).

Anyway

i wanna defend myself here a little and say I think you're missing the bigger picture of the framing of that scene. I feel you forgot the context of that scene and where it's placed in the story. It's this post.

Previously, that entire chapter had Chara idolizing the Asriel they knew as a child. Their timetravel ability being removed meant they longed for that power to control the narrative and live in the past. its like, metaphorical shit for how when growing up its hard to move on from the past and accept that you're aging.

That scene was the point where Chara realized that Asriel wasn't perfect -and has never been. The story is framed by Chara's POV exclusively and navigates Chara's feelings about their separation from Asriel. The "abuse" of that scene is the feeling of an older sibling telling them to "fuck off" and "stop acting like a victim" which are like... like devoid of the context of Asriel's perspective (which we didn't have at this point in the story) is a very hurtful and emotionally damaging thing to say to someone. I can see how someone reading that, who could have been through a similar situation, would react very badly to seeing that in the comic. Thus the content warning. I honestly don't know if "abuse" is the right word here, but what is someone going to have blacklisted for this? Like I said, my goal is to avoid hurting so I'm not going to not tag it. It's an issue of vocabulary vs. accessibility. I still wouldn't know what to tag this tbh.

the overall narrative of the comic is that Chara's perspective of Asriel was holding themself back. they were wallowing over a perfect picture that never existed -which reflected how they hate themselves for not living up to the perfect angelic ideal that they obviously could never have lived up to.

Chara condemning Asriel for being Flowey and being a jerk is the first step towards chara acknowledging their own blame in the equation. pretending the problem doesn't exist and that you're inherently awful doesn't fix things. Immediately after tossing out Flowey, they realize they are a flower as well. (literally becoming the thing they just condemned Asriel)

Once The two reconcile with the help of Actual Adults in the situation, the story changes POV to Asriel. It's then we're given context to Asriel's perspective and to show, that yeah, both of them Suck as people. That both are capable of majorly fucking up. And that's because the tools they're given a life of trauma and being reborn into a world that doesn't understand your damage is in itself traumatizing.

so idk man. the framework here serves a purpose and while I plan on showing a more nuanced and balanced pace -I really need to show the characters having more things going on than their larger conflict + be happier with each other. (the problem with writing for an askblog is that its very reactive and its easier to lean into tension and relationship drama than focus on the lighter but necessary moments. I know for sure the redraw will be better at this)

But yeah the framework, as it stands, feels good to me. Maybe in the details of how it's shown I'll be able to handle the nuances more gracefully but with the larger goal in mind, I'm not sure how I can change that? I would really love to hear your thoughts on that.

[fanfictiononeshotsareinthevoid]

Work In Progress #3

Four Pieces of the Same Overused Mask

CW/TW: Implied Drugging, Implied Rape, A shit ton of Angst

{I'm so sorry.}

Disco Kid had finally joined WVBA after about a year. He was ecstatic to finally talk to the people who got him there in the first place. On his way to speak to them, he ran into Don Flamenco. Disco has seen some of his fights, however he doesn't have much of an opinion on him. He knew that some boxers play things up for the crowd, so Don's arrogance didn't bother him the way that someone else's arrogance would. He greeted Don and asked where Don was going. Don said that he was going to talk someone named Piston Hondo. Disco Kid wasn't familiar with that name and asked who he was "Piston is one of the newer boxers. I only met him a few days ago, so I don't know much besides that." Don spoke very nonchalantly, which would be a shock if Disco took Don's act to heart.

Disco Kid walked into the minor circuit building and saw Glass Joe sitting on a bench off to the side. Joe was just staring at his phone. Disco blinked for a second. He didn't want to believe what his brain was telling him. 'He looks dead and empty. Why? No! He isn't like this! I'm seeing things! He-... That isn't Glass Joe! I'm hallucinating!' Disco Kid thought. He still saw Glass Joe and Von Kaiser through rose tinted glasses. He still saw them the way he used to. He was like a starry eyed kid who believed anyone they were a fan of was a god, a being that could do no wrong, that is always as they present. He saw them as something that he was bound to see them as. The last person that he was a fan of gave him trauma that he's stuck with. He can't even think about that time in his life without hating what happened. He knows that none of it was his fault. He was a child. He was just as easy to damage, traumatize, break, and ruin as any other kid. He can't help but think that he was to blame. He's still wearing those cracked rose tinted glasses. He wished that he understood why he was still wearing them. Those glasses are stuck to his face with super glue. He was a broken child and he's a broken man still picking the shards with tears in his eyes and blood covering his fingers. The endless blood from cuts that he got from shattering that would be bound to leave scars. He is still wearing rose tinted glasses whenever he thinks of his parents. One lense of those glasses is still intact, while the other is cracked to the point where its unusable. He is still a stupid child. He wished that those rose tinted glasses would disappear. He needed to see the world clearly.

Disco Kid sat next Glass Joe. "Joe, what's bothering you? If you don't mind me asking." Glass Joe looked at Disco Kid and smiled "I'm just getting death threats again."

Disco Kid was shocked. There was nothing online that would cause Joe to get death threats. The Internet should be better than that... Why did that seem like false hope? It's not better, is it?

"Why?" Glass Joe laughed "I used to date this guy. He was pretty popular online and he had fans that seemed to composed of obsessive maniacs, starry eyed children, and regular internet psychos that will murder someone for him. Honestly, dating someone like him was basically death sentence... I wish I knew who he was before I accepted his confession." Joe paused and sighed "He... He had almost killed me more than once. He was also my first relationship which made the way he treated me hit harder and leave a bigger scar. He told his fans about me... He made himself the victim and they all believed him." his smile faded. Disco Kid hated hearing that someone he adored was treated like this. The screen showed hundreds maybe even thousands of tweets with death threats and disbelief. Disco has seen this many times, which is the sad part about growing up with the internet in your lap. This wasn't the same. He cares about Glass Joe, unlike the other people that he's seen this happen to. He scrolled as memories of his trauma flooded back. Disco mentally shook his head and looked at Joe. Joe sighed and continued, his voice saddened with each word. "I shouldn't have expected them not to." Joe paused again. He grabbed his phone typed something and showed it to Disco Kid. He faked another smile "They all went after me. A few of his fans actually lived in my city, which he made public. I didn't leave my house for weeks. I honestly wanted to end things." He laughed weakly "That's one of the reasons why I'm never going to Paris again."

Disco Kid held back tears. The rose tinted glasses were cracking and leaving tiny remnants in his eyes. He knows that Joe is human. He knows that anyone can be manipulated. He knows that Joe faces the same if not more pain and suffering than he does... He doesn't want to believe what he knows. He was too attached to those rose tinted glasses. He was too attached to a false reality.

Don Flamenco opened the major circuit locker room door. It creaked as the room's light bled into the darker hallway. The silence made everything seem so empty and hollow. He walked into the room. His footsteps seemed so loud against the smooth gray floors. Piston Hondo was staring at the silver lockers with a blank expression. Don stared at him. The silence was even worse. The empty atmosphere made Don want to disappear. Piston shook his head and sighed. He looked at Don. The room fell into unbearable silence again.

Great Tiger slammed the door open. Piston and Don jumped at the sudden noise. He sat down next to Piston. "Do you know [REDACTED]?" Piston's eyes widened "Yeah... Why?". Don was confused and horrified. He did recognize that name. He has heard it a few times. He felt sick every time he heard it. "I think I saw him! I don't know entirely though." Don felt a little dizzy.

Don doesn't remember what happened entirely. He just knows that a strange man had picked him up when was around seven years old.

He was sitting on a sidewalk waiting for his mom to pick him up. A black car pulled up in front of him. He squinted and a man stepped out. He walked up to Don and whispered something in his ear. He gasped excitedly. He got the car. He swung his feet in passengers seat. The man stopped at a place that seemed like a bar. He just stared the bright sign above the small bar. The guy walked in and came back with a small glass. It had a cloudy white liquid that was fulled to the top of it. He handed him the glass. He happily drank it.

That's all that he remembers. He was told that this happened a few times. He also was super sick for few months after all of that happened.

Tiger continued to talk. He just tuned them out. He just thought about what happened during his childhood. He remembers getting bullied for a twitter post that [REDACTED] made about getting a child pregnant. The post is mostly just bragging and it included a picture of the kid. When Don was shown the tweet, he froze. Don was a senior in highschool when the post got huge traction despite its age. He joked that it kinda looked like him and then he was bullied severely the next day. The day after his graduation, he went to a party. He was invited by someone who had been behind most the physical bullying that he experienced. He declined and he almost died while walking home. He wanted to kill himself so badly. His sister was the only thing that he was living for. That girl had convinced someone to come by and shot up a house that she broke into. That house was where the party was held. He had seen someone walk in and load a gun. He ran into one of the bedrooms and opened one of the windows. He slid out of it and locked it from the outside. He ran for his life.

"Hello? Don? You okay?" Tiger said while poking Don's nose bridge. Don moved Tiger's hand off of his face.

Tiger's story is a bit different when it comes to [REDACTED]. Tiger had met him at a party.

[vennyvenadito]

I would say it

What they did to Chloe is not justice or karma

What the writers did to her is cruel and disgusting

Sure, she is a bully and a spoiled brat, what she did need to face consequences for that

But this…is just…I don’t have the words to say it

The fact that Andre don’t face any consequences for his actions and also as a reward he now has a new kid to raise its piss me off

That man is not innocent, he did not deserve this pathetic excuse of redemption arc

It also make me sick how people are celebrating this, even saying she deserves this and how they were right all this time about her been an “irredimible monster” and even saying Andre was a caring father to her

Caring father my ass, he is pathetic, an hypocrite, a man child and an coward

Are you telling me the man who raised that child to be an spoiled and mean person is now the victim???

“B-But his dreams to be a movie director where crushed because he become a mayor to impress Audrey and then Chloe came and and-“

Please….SHUT UP!!!

This is NOT Chloe’s fault, no child should be blamed for the parents decisions and actions

And despide her attitude and her actions, you liked or not, she is still an abused child

I’m sick of this “if you are an abused child but you behavior is awful then your as bad and even worst than your abusers”

What is this “perfect victim” thing going on in this show???

“But Mylene was abandoned by her mom and she is not-“

Shut up

“But Zoe-“

I said shut up

No every person reacts to trauma the same way, everyone reacts different

So please, stop doin that

Stop blaming the kid for being abused and not behave as the “poor and perfect victim 🥺”

And also

Can you guys stop blaming Adrien for not telling Mari that he was gonna live Paris??!!

May I remind you he is son of Gabriel Friking Agreste!!!!???

And also stop blaming him for not standing up, this is not his fault, he is a kid under his father’s control

And sadly I really can’t see any moment he would do it because the show want him to be just a trophy for Mari

Just a damsel in distress for our protagonist because this show forget the title of the series “Miraculous Tales of Ladybug and CHAT NOIR”

And Miss Bustier, Damocles and every fucking adult of this show….all you guys sucks!

How the heck you let a child to be the mayor in the first place!!??You guys should know better!

No one did shit to help Chloe, all you did is just “am Chloe please don’t be mean, you have to be nice uwu”

You really tough this was gonna work??

No even you Marinette, you just told her to vibe with her shitty mom because they are both “mean”, no shit why didn’t she change for the better

But you know what, I’m not goin to blame Mari on this, because this is not her job, she is a kid as well, is the grow ass adults job

What this show built up in season 2 was pointless, because why give us a redemption arc for Chloe, why give her deep, why make her sympathetic, why make her the Bee holder if this wasn’t going anywhere??

I hate season 5, I take it back what I say about season 3 and 4, this is by far the worst season of the series in my opinion

That’s all folks

Deer out 🦌