#or atleast closer to it
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only thing keeping me from killing myself oh so violently right now is strong sense of justice autism. yeah.
#“can't wear the ribbon if you're dead” or whatever the fuck it said#just let me go#i dont care all that much#theres nothing you can do to fix all that. i tried my thing and it just got trashed. there truly is nothing for us because no one even sees#it or cares#stay alive so i can buy narloxone one day and you can't put that on no safety plan#stay alive so i can do someone elses wound care#stay alive to kick a cop#its all shit#because ill never be able to do it#got my insides ripped out#i dont know where they went#i don't know who this is#its like they never wore off#half life of an eternity#because i was A person#or atleast closer to it#and I grasp onto the straws of before#cuttings never been the same after#my bodies never felt the same after#my bedroom is gone#and i was never here before#i dont know who this us#i don't know what they did to me#i must have forgotten something or those labels are all bullshit#lists of side effects and no one lists splitting into three and the third in a locker box to be drowned#i thought it was my dad#if he went back to being my dad itd be fixed but no#they did something to ME aswell as everyone else and my home
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I refound my oil pastels recently, and ended up drawing this.
I then decided the background was looking a little plain, and I had my markers nearby as well
@katkat030 Here’s a tag since you asked for one! :D
#my art#oil pastels#brush markers#I was going for sunrise/sunset vibes but I think it ended up more of a day/night thing XD#when I showed of my family members they thought it was a fire/ice theme XD#which is understandable since the point I first showed my family was before I had added the sun and moon#that was supposed to say “showed it to my family members” not “showed of my family members”#I’m not sure if that happened because I mistyped or if it was my autocorrect being annoying again#I haven’t been able to draw anything in a while so the fact that it took me around 4 hours for this (it was probably closer to 3 and a half#hours) since I started another oil pastel thingy within that 4 hours#it probably would’ve been even less time if I didn’t mess up the sun (it became brown at one point) so I had to fix it#atleast it’s not still brown#I should’ve just not added the red then I would’ve avoided having to fix it#I’m surprised I actually managed to fix it XD
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chat should I quit my job cold turkey :3
#txt#nah I’d atleast put in a two week#I rlly wanna focus on school and find something closer / less stressful#and these ppl are killing me#love them but they are a lot
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oh yeah btw I put a buuunch of my solisverse guys onto my toyhouse :) theres no explicit rule against projected personalities onto otherwise blank slate characters so I am taking it as I am allowed to do that.
#solis.txt#no red though because he does actually have a canon personality so its closer to a rule break than not. sad!#its just their designs and art Ive done of them for now I'll get around to writing profiles for them... uh... eventually?#<- guy who has said that probably atleast 10 times by now#REGARDLESS.
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Maybe im not a true media liker but i could never truly be really into something unless i make something for it. Not fanart, But a whole reimagining or explorative extension of that media.... Truly it cannot get better than this. Its a great mind workout
#i talk#ive been putting off saying this bc i feel people would misinterpret it as me admitting i only participate in something to get attention for#-my ocs ← unbelievably delusional sounding on paper but ive heard people say this but i know that is not true#FOR ME ATLEAST..... once again.#in all honesty. its more of i like it so much that i wouldnt want to touch or tarnish it lest im wrong in my interpretation#so thats why i focus on expanding on whats there but never eleborated on. its just something i like to do always#despite all that though. i dont actually enjoy au content i was always on the fence trying to figure if what im doing IS categorized as such#bc well. none of the original guys are BARELY in it. i think its closer to a fan creation set in the same universe#but what do i know im just a guy. im not that particularly in on the works of what people do... smh#also something something if somebodys already doing it why should i interject. probably the reason why i gravitate to this way of creation
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Photo of me trying to decipher which angels are actually archangels and which are mistranslated seraphim
#paradise lost is slowly becoming the bane of my existence#ARCHANGELS ARE A CLASS OF ANGEL BUT CHIEF ANGEL IS ALSO TRANSLATED TO ARCHANGEL IM IN HELL#i have come to conclusion that michael is a seraph or atleast was one and got a job closer to earth but that seems to raise more questions#like are the other 7 archangels also seraph?? since theyre supposed to be around gods throne??#if so than what the fuck are the 3rd sphere archangels doing?????#i meant other 6 archangels#im very tired#archangel michael#seraphim#archangels#angelology#im so confused#i have about 3 thousand years of lore to cover so can you blame me#ffs man#abrahamic mythology#how many christians are gonna get in my asks and bitch at me for this#honestly i welcome it
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hi art comparison time from this week and all the way back last year in march because i want to see how much i've improved in a year in a half
i wanted to do this with my enst fanart since honestly its helped me tremendously with improving in art. a lot of things i notice with my older stuff is the fact that it is. incredibly stiff. but tbf a lot of my stuff is still like that BUT i've advanced from doing only the upper chest to doing a lot more half bodies which is great! there's also a very large improvement of anatomy and i'm finding it easier drawing poses now than i had then. i think i've also improved at understanding how to shade clothes (but honestly it's only slightly i'm still confused by it ^^;) along with overall shading & coloring i used to use a darker shade of the color i was shading which was fine but it did make my stuff look duller along with the fact i didn't try to ease the blending with it like how i do now. if that makes sense. i have a headache and dont want to continue typing now
#i highly enjoy looking at older stuff and comparing it to now to see what i might have improved on and what i might need to work on#i'll still do this every once in awhile but honestly i might have a time once a year where i look at atleast one of my drawings from the#beginning of the year before that one when it gets closer to the end of the year. or maybe start of year to end of year comparison....idk#anyways i might lay back down i feel bad
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show! rhaenyra is kind of a prissy compared to book! rhaenyra. i said what i said like i cannot even consider show! rhaenyra as rhaenyra anymore 😭😭
#this is not hatred towards emma okay their acting was phenomenal#but rhaenyra’s characterisation in the show is SO DUMB#and uneccesarily just making her look bad like she’s so#some daemon obsessed girl? no she wasn’t 😭#atleast milly’s rhaenyra was somewhat a lit bit closer to canon rhae rhae but the bar’s down to hell#rhaenyra kuntenserven targaryen i’m sorry they did this to you#medu rambles#anti hotd#anti show rhaenyra#rhaenyra was westeros’s barbie#and they ruined her like this
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Guys my birthdays tomorrow😁
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Lionel Messi!! 💙
Enjoy him while you still can. We're getting closer to the finish line.
#It's getting closer and closer#but can he atleast not mention it everytime#football will never be the same#leo messi#messi
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araneri canonically has a friend now by the way. One friend. for the first time in ten years. hes happy. ish
#rambles#theyre closer in good ending atleast#its the rock human. when your friend hibernates for a few months and comes back bearing gifts
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The death!buck au has officially hit 10k words
#10k was supposed to be the max amount of words now im thinking its gonna be closer to 20k#atleast the first draft bc idk if all these scenes are gonna make the final cut jskdjd#death!buck au#lincoln.txt
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How Luzy as the most headstrong stubborn character from the girls had the most fairytale Bs story to begin a relationship:
First she receives anonymous love letters. For some reasons she believes it's Kaya and she starts creating weird romantic fantasies about him. While her true admirer, admirers her from afar. Charlotte quickly finds out it's Max and helps him. Luzy has an idea to find out who her True Love is. She will be doing a Kissing Competition with her eyes folded. That way she will find out if Kaya is her true love. Charlotte tells Max about the plan she is sure when Luzy kisses Max she will know that he is her true love. Then during the Kissing Competition all are trash, expect for one Max! Luzy feels something when he kisses her. But lord be hold Kaya wins because Max got in between and couldn't take a picture of himself. But Luzy feels something is wrong. Only after she went on a date with Kaya she realises Kaya can't be her true love. She starts having romantic dreams about Max. When Max reveals his true identity to her, she is pissed and doesn't want him to be a part of the school news paper anymore. Max is heartbroken and wants to leave the country. Before he leaves Luzy asks him to stay here and that he can stay in the school news paper. This isn't enough for Max. At the last minute Luzy can make him stay because she might be in love with him too.
Luzy and Max never really hung out one by one before she had those dreams. So how does she even know he is the one?
She only likes him because he wrote her those letters.
Her dreaming about Max after the kiss makes no sense bc we never saw her developed feelings for him or a reason why.
And Max leaving bc she doesn't want him. Dude. tf you aren't even that close yet. She just knows you as the guy who works with her in the school news paper. I doubt you have like talked to eachother one by one.
#das haus anubis#luzy shoppa#max ludwig#patricia and robbie atleast hung out and got closer during these moments luzy and max didn't she was just gushing about kaya
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There is a little bit of ground next to the parking lot that the balcony I'm gonna be moving into overlooks that's right next to a big garage building with an overhang and I'm wondering if I'm sneaky/nice enough they would not notice/allow me if i put a birdhouse freestanding next to the building like, would I get any takers in it
#I do plan on sprinkling native wildflower seeds outside in atleast that area#They might get rid of them but I do plan on trying#It's a nice walk outside after that parking lot tbh. Nice tall trees. Nice winding path#I like walking that way to get my mail cause it's a nice walk#And I like picking up trashes where I go through there cause there's a can at the end of my walk#I really do love where I live now. I love my community here honestly. It's nice to live here#I wish I could show me 10 years ago what my life would be like now. I guess I'm doing that by living it#When I pull in I can tell which balcony is gonna be mine from the outside ... I keep imagining myself standing on it#I'm so excited to move in ... every day a little closer
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i tend to recognize people by the general shape and colours of their icon in my peripheral vision as i read or scroll past, and the trend of putting an lgbtq+ flag in the background of your icon has amusingly confused me the past few years
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Just remembered that one time I cosplayed fem Sunny and one of my friends cosplayed Mari for Halloween.... we entered our schools costume contest (and we lost lmao)
The experience was embarrassing but we...got candy!!!!
#what was crazy is that ppl mistaked us for yanderes#and the another thing is my personality is closer to maris#and my friends was closer to sunnys#so it was rlly hard to act as the characters#atleast for my friend lmao#i was just screaming “PRETEND THAT YOU LOVE ME” at her...#sunny omori#mari omori#cosplay#idk if i should tag those but eh
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