#or at the very least lead a life that is less negatively impacted by it

[screeblees]

Yandere Manipulating Boyfriend x Kidnapped Reader Headcannons

Yandere Manipulating Boyfriend is Male and Kidnapped Reader is Gender Neutral

Been a bit since I've posted! I was in a bit of a slump and got hit with creative juices - definitely wrote way more than usual!

I hope this isn't too long, I kinda love this idea if you can't tell :3

Find my Masterlist here !

Please enjoy!!<33

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who pretends to be in a normal relationship.

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who stalked you for months after his attention was captured, taking photos and videos all for blackmail (among other things…)

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who broke in and drugged you with some sleeping pills, he knew you hadn’t been sleeping well after all! 

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who took most of your belongings with him once he kidnapped you, mixing everything with his home’s own décor to make it look like you’d lived there for months, ensuring details such as two toothbrushes, your hygiene products being in a similar place to where they were in your own home, two sets of dishes in the sink, any work documents or notes being scattered about the desk, any little detail he could think of to make it look like you had went about your day just the night prior.

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who knew you wouldn’t believe it, but at the very least you would doubt your own mind, which was exactly what he wanted.

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who assured he removed all sharp (or potential escape) objects from your shared bedroom, the windows are locked and tinted and you are laid in your bed while he cuddles you, waiting on you waking up.

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who acted confused and worried from the moment you woke up, he really had no idea why you didn’t remember your loving boyfriend, you had been living with him for months! 

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who would restrain you if you fight him, explaining it away by him being scared of you in your “amnesic” state and not wanting you to hurt yourself or go outside and get lost since you seemingly don’t remember anything about the largest part of your life.

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who has written an entire book’s worth of stories to fully flesh out your relationship; how you met, how you kept bumping into one another, your first, second, third and-so-on dates, moving in together, the list goes on!

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who tells quite detailed (made up) stories of your time together, all taken from his previous writings which proving immensely helpful in avoiding contradicting himself and explaining why he knows everything about you!

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who crushes any pesky stray thoughts that may lead you to doubt him swiftly and completely. (“The lack of pictures? Oh, well, I’m pretty self conscious so I prefer taking pictures of you! My favourites are the candid ones, you just look so peaceful!”) You end the conversation glad that you asked, not realising that he had technically completely avoided the question and he later returns with a few pictures of important anniversaries which he commissioned from a very talented photoshopper.

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who confiscates your phone, citing that you shouldn’t be on social media while recovering, all that negativity may impact your health! He may message your friends, family and workplace, just to let them know you’ll be unreachable for the time being, that’s all! (and then if you have a few people less in your contacts and a few more in your blocked list then who’s to say what happened?)

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who spoon-feeds you, refusing to let you do more than sit in bed, rest, and talk to him. For the time being he’s keeping you to soft foods; soup, porridge, mashed potatoes, pasta, scrambled eggs, applesauce, yoghurt and pudding for a treat! (It’s nobody’s business if he’s adding some medicine to make you hazy and docile to make you feel better and make you weaker since you seem to be getting sick).

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who slowly allows you to get better you to do more for yourself, although he still encourages you to stay in bed and enjoys feeding you himself, he’s allowed to be a little selfish - after all, he’s still worried for you!

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who begins the heavy guilt-tripping (as if he hadn’t already) once you start insisting on getting out of bed and doing things on your own; “I just want the best for you, why won’t you let me help you?” “Are you trying to hurt yourself? Straining yourself will only put you back, I know you don’t know me but can’t you see that I only want what’s best for you?” “I know you don’t remember me but I love you, can’t you at least appreciate my love for you if you can’t love me back?” 

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who is always cheerful and sweet (sickeningly so) and suffocatingly affectionate, no matter how you resist his efforts the most upset he’ll get is a pitying or disappointed look. Anything he really doesn’t like is simply ignored, you didn’t mean to say that - obviously - so he just won’t hear it in the first place!

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who’s reactions grow twitchier the more you insist and fight against him, he’s extremely good at keeping his charming smile from slipping but he must admit it grows more and more difficult every day as you barrage him with your range of pleads and reasoning to demands and yelling - the former only causing him to say “Oh, honey…” in a pitiful manner and take you in his arms, rocking and shushing you like a parent would for a crying child - and the latter only receives a disappointed yet strict “I’ll leave you to calm down.” and a firmly shut door.

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who’s patience has grown thin and his tolerance is reached as they are exhausted by the same song and dance every day, the same ungrateful tone, never thanking, only asking for more. 

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who finally snaps.

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who screams at you “WHY CAN’T YOU JUST BE HAPPY?! WHY CAN’T YOU JUST APPRECIATE ME?!” 

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who’s eyes are wide and bloodshot, his usually put-together appearance has been thrown to the wind, dishevelled clothes and messy hair taking its place. One hand grips the side of the bed frame above your bed as he leans over you. The silence is searing in the seconds after, you both stay frozen still, neither of you expected the outburst and neither know how to react or proceed.

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who clears his throat and takes several steps back, unable to make eye contact as mutters an apology for his outburst and leaves with the excuse of making dinner, no matter your reaction. He’ll feel guilt in his throat for days to come but will never address what happened - and will shut you down with a loud and obvious change in subject if you ever try to - instead bringing you gifts such as stuffed toys, blankets, soothing drinks and a little more sugary food than he had previously given you (it doesn’t matter if you don’t like them, although he’ll adapt to your tastes, the nature of the gifts will remain the same).

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who restrains again you if you start being physical with him, clearly your amnesia has seriously affected you to make you act like this. 

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who allows you to work from home if your (previous) job accommodates it, of course you don’t need to work (really, he’d be able to support you without you lifting a finger) but he thinks it’ll give you something to do and keep your mind from wandering into dangerous territory (with limits, naturally).

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who still dotes like the day you woke up, still spoon-feeding and even carrying you from room to room (especially when you are not yet trusted, instead you are placed in your chair to have dinner together and are expected not to get up until you are carried back to your room afterwards) and even just having you sit on his lap as he plays with your hair. 

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who sometimes uses a baby-voice when talking to you, especially when you’re trying to have a serious conversation. (“Aww is someone’s feelings acting up? I think someone needs a cuddle and a nap, huh?”)

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who takes a very, very long time to really trust you (or rather, trust his manipulation and gaslighting have taken effect, maybe with a touch of stockholm syndrome) and when he does, expect to not have a moment without supervision. Once he lets you out of your room into the rest of your apartment, naturally there’s cameras covering every corner, sensors on all the doors and windows and a ring doorbell so you don’t interact with anyone when he’s not there. And maybe, if you’re really moved by his tactics, taking up the role of a loving partner, then you may be rewarded with rare dates - outside of your shared home - to places like the aquarium or zoo, an activity to keep your mind occupied.

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who claims to only want what's best for you, to help you in your recovery and to settle into your new normal.

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who spoils you, although dates outside the apartment are few and far between - even once you earn his trust - he tries to have a romantic evening at least once a week. Of course, he cooks almost every night - your boyfriend should be able to tend every need - but he puts in special effort on these date nights, maybe a more expensive meat (if that’s your preference, he’ll adapt for whatever your dietary habits are) the dish will be made with spices and oils to enhance the rich flavours of the dish to a mouth-watering extent - and naturally candles will surround where you eat and several vases of a mix of flowers all relating to the love he has for you, most of which in shades of red such as roses, chrysanthemums, carnations with the rare white alyssum or bergenia mixed into the array of bouquets around your home.

❥ Yandere Boyfriend who loves you unlike anyone else ever could…

[toutvatoujoursbien]

midnight thoughts (i hope i don't regret this)

Let me preface this by saying that these are just (very, very long) ramblings I’ve had in my head over the past few days and are MY opinions. I never post to Tumblr, but my level of emotional unhinged-ness right now needs an outlet so that I can process everything and feel, well, less unhinged.

I have never been this enamored with any celebrity or promo for a show like I have for this season of Bridgerton. Admittedly, I am a fan of the books and Penelope & Colin are my favorite couple. I’m going to age myself by saying that I read the series almost 20-ish years ago; past me could have never imagined I would actually get to see a Regency romance on my screen. Romances are for the girlies, and what the girlies like tends to be mocked, ridiculed, and not taken seriously - I’ve seen this time and time again across many different fandoms. I also really enjoy the tv series for being its own creative adaptation. I’ve liked many (though not all) of the changes they’ve made to the show; and I’ve liked all the little nods to the books that have been sprinkled in. Are the books or show perfect? Of course not, but that doesn’t mean I can’t love them for bringing me some entertainment and joy and escapism. I think that’s the beauty of it, I get to have the best of both worlds, so to speak. And for me personally, it’s been so fun to watch the press coverage over the past six or so months. As a fandom, I think we’ve been EXTREMELY well fed. 

Having Nicola and Luke as the leads has been a true blessing; I think/hope folks can tell how much they clearly love and understand their characters/roles. I know everyone has been talking nonstop about their chemistry and their close friendship, which I think is beautiful, truly unique and special. How can you not enjoy watching two people, who seem to genuinely like one other, talk endlessly about a project that they love and have poured so much into? And the way they have supported one another, not only during promo, but during their years of friendship? Astonishing, really. So while I am old enough to know better than to ship real people, I would’t blame anyone (myself included) if they got caught up in the whirlwind excitement and couldn’t help but wonder a sincere “What if?” (At least that was the case for me.) Isn’t that the beauty of hope and possibility and potential? Like, I knew rationally and intellectually that the likelihood of them being together was low, but damn if I didn’t feel giddy seeing their interviews, reading articles, and watching video after video.

“Oh, but it’s all PR!” they cry. Maybe, but like most of life, I don’t think it’s so simple or clear. I think there’s been a lot of nuance and perhaps some blurring of the lines during this promo tour. As long as we are respectful about it and realize that at the end of the day, the only opinions that matter in regards to their relationship are N & L’s, I don’t think some lighthearted dreaming is unheard of. We have to remember, though, that what we’re shown is only a fraction of their true selves, carefully and deliberately curated to accommodate their status as actors/celebrities/those in the public eye. 

(And yes, I know this is the internet and therefore everyone has an opinion - again, myself included. But I struggle to understand why some people think that their opinions should be deemed THE most important to the discussion or would have an impact on any type of outcome, especially in this particular scenario… I hope it’s obvious I’m referring to the very vocal people that chose to expend their energy in hateful, negative ways. Aren’t you exhausted?

However, as a longtime lurker, I have to admit it’s been absolutely fascinating reading all the different perspectives and takes on this too. I think reading other POVs and seeing people articulate points that challenge me and make me think is a good thing - again, as long as it’s all in a respectful manner. 

Also I have spent literal years curating and cultivating a social media bubble that doesn’t make me want to cry or give up on life. I don’t seek out negativity and hate - constructive criticism for a thing is a different matter. It may be “putting blinders up,” but honestly, real life can be a shitty enough place that I would like to spend my limited time online looking at cute things and learning or reading about stuff that makes me feel less alone in the world.)

Last week, I stayed off social media to avoid Bridgerton spoilers until I could watch Part 2. I did open Twitter on Thursday to check on something that was entirely unrelated, saw the absolute meltdown of a shitstorm brewing and quickly NOPED out of it. (I was also reminded of why Twitter scares me at times. And I'm not calling it X because that is stupid.) When I finally caught up over the weekend (both with Bridgerton and… all the other stuff 😅), I felt like I was experiencing mental and emotional whiplash.

Look, ultimately, I don’t know them personally and know even less about their private lives. As an outside observer (even though, yes, I have a vested interest in them), Nicola is fucking amazing and Luke seems to be a nice, sweet guy. I think they are each others support, and it has been mentioned many times that she has helped him deal with the intensity/anxiety of being in the spotlight this season. So here are some potentially hot takes: I just think, when they’re together, it’s like he’s a different, better person. When he soaks up even a little bit of her light (sorry, I had to), I can see all the qualities in him that she is constantly gushing about. But, and again this is my take on it, I also think he has a lot of growing up to do. I don’t know much about his supposed “hot/fuck boy summer,” but it seems to me that he’s perhaps going through his own Colin phase, which he can totally do. I genuinely want to see him and Nic succeed. However, I do think he’s got to get a better handling on his media image now (this whole thing reeks of a PR nightmare, but I need to take off my comms professional hat). The way this has all played out has been, imo, a clusterfuck. There are other issues that I’m also not going to get into at the moment. 

The thing that frustrated me the most is the timing of those “leaked” photos. You’re telling me that N&L went through SIX months of a - literal - worldwide promo tour, building up hype, doing countless interviews and appearances, etc., only to have these pap pictures “captured” on the night of the Pt. 2 London premiere??? And yes, while I’m aware there were rumblings of a gf being at various events/locations, I didn’t pay much attention to it (read: my curated social media bubble, lol). And I think the lack of confirmation up to that point from Luke and his team just mades things even more tricky/messy. So when the inevitable backlash played out online, piled on top of the hate Polin seems to get from many corners of the internet (Is it ship wars? Regular trolls just trolling? Polin and/or Lukola antis? People who, for whatever reason, don’t like the actors themselves or, worse, don’t like the creative choices/decisions made by the higher-ups and therefore deem it okay to spread hate online? All of the above, most likely.), I know I felt like I had been hit by a train.

Here’s my point: I think what should have been a moment of triumph and a joyous occasion for Nic, Luke, and Bridgerton season 3, was sadly overshadowed by the aforementioned shitstorm. And that’s a damn shame. Too many cast and crew put in a lot of time, effort, and blood sweat and tears, to pull this all together. I was happy with Season 3, which perhaps I will deep dive about in another post because this one has already spiraled out of control. Were there things I wished they had included or, rather, things that could have been left out? Yes, of course. But at the end of the day, I think we got a beautiful story led by two actors who love Polin as much as we do. And I cannot wait to see them back for Season 4. Plus, seriously, those viewing numbers alone should have been mostly what people are talking about. I hope all this doesn’t take away from the overall impact of the show and season.

I think it’s okay to be disappointed by all the stuff that has come out over the last few days. I think it’s perfectly human to want/need to process your thoughts and emotions. What is NOT OKAY is sending hate to anyone, period. And I hope you don’t let all that has happened sour your enjoyment of Season 3 and/or Polin.

Lastly, if you take anything away from this long ass post, it’s that Nicola is a GODDAMN QUEEN. Anyone who says otherwise is speaking slander and we do not stand for that in this house. She has carried herself during this time with grace, charm, and poise, consistently and constantly. And she is always ready for a mega fashion moment. She must be exhausted - already on to her next film/job but also perpetually online, and even stepping up to defend her costar. I may have to do a whole separate post just gushing about her and add to all the people already singing her praises. (And as a big fuck you to all the haters.)

Geez Louise, I clearly have a lot of feelings (more than I allowed myself to believe I did…). But I would love to hear what others think! Please, I need friends with whom I can have rational (okay, maybe slightly unhinged), spirited, deep analyses and discussion of this whole thing, or anything else we might have in common!

[howtofightwrite]

What happens if you combine parkour, marksmanship, and martial arts?

A mediocre Jason Bourne knockoff?

As a sport, parkour looks really good on screen, but is extremely demanding of your time, and inflicts a high physical toll on the practitioner. At least, that's true of free-running parkour, parkour in contained environments can be considerably safer, but will still put a lot of strain on the body. Either way, this is a sport that will really come back and bite you in your 40s.

Practical martial arts will require a significant time commitment, and actually using it inflicts a high physical toll on the practitioner. Recreational martial arts will have less of a physical impact, but you can't win fights on four Jujitsu classes a month. Stop me if you've heard this one before, but for a serious martial artist, you're going to really feel the consequences of that in your 30s and 40s.

Stacking serious martial arts with serious parkour means your character wouldn't have a personal life of any kind, and might not be getting enough sleep on a regular basis, which further stacks against their ability to function. On a long enough timescale, that lack of sleep might even lead into cognitive impairment, and impaired healing. You really do not want to be running on a sleep debt for any significant amount of time, (even if it is an incredibly common behavior.)

So, you have physical strain and microdamage from parkour, you add the physical strain and microdamage from martial arts, clearly the best solution is to add something that requires delicate precision. Marksmanship requires a very steady hand, and while training in parkour or martial arts doesn't mean your character couldn't use a gun, it would negatively impact their precision marksmanship. In most cases, this would be pretty negligible, but if you're talking about long range precision, this a bad situation. For, basically, the same reasons you don't want your surgeon to participate in a fight club on the weekends. The almost imperceptible damage incurred from parkour and martial arts would start showing up in their long range precision well before they'd become consciously aware of it themselves.

So, what do you get? Budget Jason Statham.

To be clear, the entire action hero genre is just as unrealistic as superheroes. This is pretty solidly in the realm of, “unpowered,” superheroes, like Batman, The Punisher, or Doc Savage. No, they're not realistic, but that's not the point. If you want to use them, adjust your expectations and tone accordingly, and you should be fine.

Otherwise, you basically get the vast majority of modern action heroes, and more than half of Jackie Chan's filmography.

-Starke

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[saffricatrice]

What r ur oc stories about?

OMG HIHI I NEVER HAD SOMEONE OUTSIDE OF MY CURRENT FRIENDS ACTUALLY ASK BEFORE UMMMM OKAY SO. i have 3! main oc stories that i Really care about at the moment but im Deeply fixated on mainly 1 of them but im gonna start with the one ive been liek "promoting" the most in a sense!! under read more cuz im gonna try to exlain all three of them bless. sorry if i seem overly passionate oops i was TRYING to summarise im sorry its so long u rlly dont Have to read All of it

Forgotten Man's Symphony

his (louis manoir) character is basically a spin off from a character mentioned in the novel frankensetin exactly (1) time by name in elizabeth's letter and by far he is the most organised oc of mine cuz we do actually have a clean, understandable summary doc (thought it is a tad bit outdated but its okay). shes like the most Normal narrative-wise i suppose so i'm not exactly sure on how to explain the plot of forgotten man's symphony it's just like??? him ruining his life in front of the reader and then #Healing?? i guess?? the story is an epistolary that starts with louis' Suicide Letter. so like. yeah. BUT!! i suppose i would say his story very much concerns the concept of like identity (including gender and such she would be considred either transfemme/bigender by the modern world but also idfk cuz i made her complicated and confusing on purpose) and also the lack thereof + the negative impact that comes with trying so hard to fit into the societal norms and what people Want you to be but you just Can't be, cutting away bits of yourself to fit through some sort of hole representing the perfect version of you until theres nothing left of Who You Are expect a palatable and small version yk?? and the the endless pursuit of wanting to be loved that leads yourself to changing and changing for people who just wont care or love you for realsies + @rosaniruby 's words "making it even like that so its not YOU who is loving and being loved but the dim visage of a version of you that fits the picture of what society loves; that it's not a love between individuals, it's the love for a society that cannot ever love anything because it was made to hate. and who believes that portrayal of love will not find it and forever be stuck. smth like society loves what it deems as perfect and hates the imperfect, since perfect doesn't exist it can only do the second one. and louis wanted to love perfect victor, hated his own imperfect self. but the perfect victor doesnt exists, and neither does any version of louis."

i like her he's great. sorry if that was less telling u WHAT his story is and more like Explaining the "themes" as theyre called of the story but idrk how to describe nromal stuff so TAKE WHAT U CAN GET!!! anyways,

Domus Carnis: The Transmutation of Guinevere Manor

idk if you're aware but i have a hyperfix on architectural horror and i DON'T MEAN SCARY GHOSTS AND SERIAL ILLERS IN AN ABANDONED HOUSE I MEAN HAUNTED HOUSES THAT ARE ALIVE THAT IS A METAPHOR FOR PTSD FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA ETC ETC!! this story By making it started my whole obsession with the House it's crazy... scary even.. (i recommend you watch jacob geller's video essay about houses) i really do like domus carnis but it's. Messy to say the least. i do feel as if i ought to change the time period it's set in to avoid talking about the wars going on in the time period i accidentally set it in without realising but im procrastinating on that rn. it was Suppose to be late 1800s to early 1900s..

in a few simple words: flesh-and-bone made lesbian sex house. does that get your attention yet. bless

domus carnis (which literally means flesh house in latin or something) will be written in the POV of a 40ish year old widowed woman by the name of harriet wren's diary entries, occasionally switching to the POV of her 20-something year old godson percival who is like old timey jake paul and hes like either a journalistt or a radio host depending if i choose to change the time period or not. we follow them after harriet's husband dies of whatever and they find out he has a large property in a foreign country of which they had not known of prior

somewhere in germany there is a house of ex-aristocrats that no longer live there that is Alive. the House becomes alive because it is in a sense "possesed" (not haunted) the ghost of kathryna von guinevere who was the last one to die in the house, who, in life, was incredibly obsessed with The House for reasons that i fear are too long to explain without boring you and going into info pre-story?? anyways, when she "posseses" the house, the materials of the house shift to flesh, blood and bone because it Materially becomes her body. now, it would be hard to accurately label what represents what body part, because it's all strangely jumbled up and isn't like really human anatomy either cuz kathryna Can in fact see inside herself?? anyways whatever. now, the house is now both her body AND her mind. i have taken the phrase "haunted by memories/trauma" and turned it literal. the house IS haunted, but most of the ghosts aren't ghosts, theyre mostly all manifestation of Memory from her life because she actively is replaying the speech and actions of other people IN her mind to process the (typically traumatic) events of which she's seen or experienced. the ghosts CANNOT do as they please because they only exist at all Due to kathryna remembering them in these specific scenes. the hauntings include scenes of people, sounds, and shadows. unless the "scene" has a mirror, you cannot see kathy directly because you are witnessin things through HER eyes, which makes memories from wee childhood interesting because im wondering if i should make the "people" seem wayy bigger than the viewer if stuff is replayed from childhood..

i really like the fact that a lot of this is based on memory because it opens a lot of doors to me when it comes to the appearance of hauntings. my friend showed me this video depicting neurons forgetting how a face looks like, and i feel as if i could use that in the story because well, realistically kathy isnt going to have a Pristine memory cuz she Was just a human before, not to mention the fact shes already suppose to have issues on facial recognition/rememberance (my friend with these sisues suggetsed htis). the alteration of the ghosts' bodies could be fucked with even more if i try to make use and research into the way that people (mostly children) can in fact like.... change the image of something traumatic in their brain and make it less scary bc the brain is trying to protect them? yeah. AND ALSO the fact that a lot of people forgets certain aspects of their trauma due to their brain trying to protect them as well but still have this feeling of Unease when it comes o specific things that they cant explain, i could incorporate this feeling in certain areas of the House, the strange uneasiness. i experience that myself so i hope ill portray it right!!

i Think that's it?? at least that should be the bare bones of the story... i have a pin board tho if u want to check it out!!

The Epinicium

THIS is the stupid fucking thnag thats ruining my entire life rn. i love it i hate it whagever man. THIS ONE ill keep short and simple because im too fucking mentally ill about it to explain in depth without being asked questions

so basically its fantasy world but not like. Completely new high fantasy i very loosely based the countries off of like real countries and stuff bc lazy as shite so its like mid fantasy maybe HOWEVER

basically its set in this world where theres a shit ton of religions and gods and shit and theres three categories of religions (the world is veyr uhnm. Categorical idk): earth, science and the arts. basically the arts religions are the majority and the gods of those religions are called the muses so thats what i'll be calling them from now on. the basic plot of epinicium is about the muses of the music religion declaring that humanity doesnt treat music as "holy enough" anymore and taking it away as a whole (songbirds go extinct as well which is importnat) which also fucks up the other arts religionsdue to the fact that artforms are very connected but they still exist yk and centuries later our main cast attempts to bring it back!!! we have this server with a channel that has the "summary" but its not a real summary its just an already outdated infodump but we are Trying to fill this doc but we're failing really hard but friendship is magic idk.

fin.

anyways thats. pretty much it i think im sorry its too long once again 😭😭 feel free to ask question esp on the epinicium!! id love to hear abt ur ocs btw ive yapped so much oops

[ome-magical-ramblings]

My Review of The Greatness of Saturn

A Therapeutic Myth

The frequency of my writing have been decreasing as I have had my focus on my life, deepening my practice and so on. I hope that this review serve as a initial summary and representation of everything I got out of this myth without spoilering it...because why would I? it would ruin the story for you! In Any case I wanted to start this on a good start. The whole book is surrounding the Sade Sati Period or 7 and a half years where Saturn goes the sign before, in, and after the moon's natal placement, that means it spend 2.5 years in each sign. Saturn is slow and he makes it very apparent when he goes into it. For reference this is focused on the jyotish/sidereal astrological period and not on the usual less gloomy Saturn's return.

I am honestly surprised by how powerful myths can mesh and seep into our life that they become these forces that's almost a channel or a gateway for the deities and spirits to reach us through, it honestly make me think of the stories of prophets, and other mythological stories which moves us and where we really need to throw ourselves head first into them to really feel what they mean, their sorrows, happiness, and all the emotions of the stories to really be there. Anyway back to the book itself, I was mind blown by it's effect on me and my life as I started to get into the myth itself I was genuinely HOOKED during my travel and in the airplane I felt like I was seized/possessed by it and couldn't put it down almost like the spirit within the whole myth was carrying me with it. It definitely had a lot of impact considering the personal situations I was going during the time of reading it. The invocation of delay, slowness, and wanting to move but not being able to move was apparent to say the least, Saturn really makes time slow down to a halt and whatever seemed like a small time start expanding to feel like an eternity, but enough of that. The stories of the planets from Sun to the lunar nodes was quite a thriller from first chapter until the ninth then it took a very sudden turn. The Begging of the universe were Bali the asura(and future Indra) gave the land back to the devas it felt like it was setting up the scene for the theme of Time, the theme of inevitability but not of fatalism. The whole story took a very dark turn for the protagonist of the story (King Vikrama) and everything about it was about accepting the conditions, working with them, and so on. Again it is this consciously aware of the situation and the wavering faith that made King Vikrama fall into that situation even though he did the proper astrological remedies he regretted and felt uncertain of what he was doing, he really accepted his fate and fell into fatalism that threw him into that.

Ducunt volentem fota, nolentem trahunt

The fates lead him who will; him who won't they drag.

Had he accepted Saturn in the beginning, the king would never have had any problems (or at least they would have been fewer), for once he accepts, all is well. It was necessary though that someone be dragged through the depths of Saturn's "play," that the rest of us who can learn from his example might be exempted from the worse of it. Like Jesus, who was crucified that we might be saved, King Vikrama asks that others be spared his Misery.

I know, I haven't really said anything about the story or what not because I really want you to read it and go through it yourself. Other than that the aspect of the Graha/planetary forces become more of this apparent and conscious relation with the planets, we start to become more aware of it and thus more receptive to positive possession instead of being negatively possessed by it. In the end we are all getting possessed by all the forces and a thousand thing in a way, and just like that maybe we want to get possessed by positive forces instead of letting whatever come through pass through us. In a way I want to finish this review that this book have pulled forces in my life I wouldn't have been able to pull with my own ritualistically consecrated hands nor would I conceive of a way that would let me wrangle and subjugate the forces myself, the great supreme power of the myth was shown to me in action, in real life, and in words.

Salutation to Lord Saturn, I bow to him who's great Kona (the Angle), Antaka (the Terminator), Raudra (the Fierce), Yama (Death), Babhru (the Tawny), Krishna (the Black), Shani (the Slow), Pingala (the Tawny). Manda (the Slow), Sauri (the Sun's Son); reverence to that Son of the Sun who, when thus constantly remembered (by these names), removes all Afflictions. May Lord Saturn have mercy on us.

[redcr9ssnine]

i do think kankris definition of "trigger" is pretty deeply distorted, i don't think he realizes it's a PTSD/mental health term. considering how anti-negativity beforus is, and also that highbloods are expected to constantly coddle anyone below them both in a systematic sense and in a social coddling silly sense while also being forced to repress any actual anger they may be feeling, i can see "trigger" meaning two different things on beforus (that parallel how they're seen in real life, which is the purpose of beforus in the first place)

Something that deeply deeply upsets a lowerblood troll and sends them into a tantrum that needs to be coddled, typically used in a sense of "oh don't trigger him, i don't want to deal with it." and seen as a sort of ridiculous oversensitivity towards something in lowbloods.

Something that sends a highblood into an improper explosion or negative mindset that can make them more probable to lash out or less likely to coddle those below them and do something violent instead. This is typically seen with more importance because the highbloods can actually do something about it beyond having a "Fit" but it also drastically effects their social credit; it is embarrassing and taboo to have a tantrum as a highblood.

I believe this is why Kankri brings up the slur discourse in regards to Mituna calling Meenah a wader despite it being a class based insult specifically punching upwards. In my interpretation at least, Kankri isn't so much telling Mituna off for hurting the feelings of Meenah, but is telling him off for not being MINDFUL of Meenahs feelings, which could have lead to an undesirable situation if she were triggered. It's his way of warning Mituna to watch his tongue around someone of power, and also why he gets so frustrated when Mituna absolutely refuses to listen.

I think he puts stake into both definitions. He cares for lowbloods who have triggers because he is constantly constantly being categorized as overly sensitive, whiney, and unpleasant for trying to communicate his needs. But due to the fact that he's a red blood and EVERYONES higher than him, he still sees them that way, and has a hard time relating to any of them or wanting to give them his sympathies. Again, Mituna for example, he cares a lot less about triggering Mituna because... Mituna is Mituna. He literally has no power to do anything about it TOWARDS Kankri, but also, Kankri still views him as higher and more privileged than he is, and gets deeply frustrated at Mitunas lack of social graces to keep himself safe, as well as Mitunas refusal to HIDE how disabled he is. He thinks it's pretty insulting that Mituna is implying that anyone cullable or disabled should be THAT incapable of taking care of themselves. (masked autism vs unmasked autism)

But I also think he cares a LOT about triggering highbloods specifically because it can directly impact his safety, and even if he himself has never experienced intense violence due to this (or at least if he has, it was very infrequent) he has constant visions of it through the signless and it fucking terrifies him. He cares a lot about not triggering anyone he thinks could drastically hurt him or impact his life in any way because he thinks if they're triggered they have the full right to do anything to him back in their emotional state. Which I believe is also a mindset encouraged on Beforus.

this is all just high edible ramblings. my point is i think beforus believes that highbloods should have their asses pat so they don't explode and kill everyone, and lowbloods should be placid and have everything done for them because theyre sooooo cute and sooooo helpless and soooooooo stupid. and while kankri doesnt agree with these mindsets he definitely interacts with the world through the lense of beforan politics, assuming everybody else does too. he thinks everybody has the same context that he does, and he doesn't understand that he actaully lacks a signifigant amount of knowledge and perspective

[sgiandubh]

Do you think he does different types of promo to attract all the different crowds?

Dear Promo Anon,

Not only I think he does that, I also happen to think he (or anyone seriously hoping to sell anything other than snake oil) should do exactly that.

The problem is not the logical correlation between what you want to sell and the people to whom you want to sell it. The first problem is the lack of balance between your way of interacting with your different target groups, which could lead to a very fuzzy brand image. Both of your products and of yourself, who are their creator and main promoter.

Promoting a brand without a clear set of main ideas and values is very likely to have a negative impact on your sales. Show them biceps, sea, sex (?) and sun galore is all fine and dandy for the younger crowd (and the LGBT+ one, btw). But showing at the same time that you can be a gentleman (please, for the love of Saruman, get rid of those rings! that woman doesn't know what she's talking about!) should be at least on par with the Lustfest promise you ventilate to your other segment. Possible message being: working hard and playing hard - you can have the best of both worlds (or at least try).

The second problem is that S's brand is.. ehrm... way too personal. Too approachable (I already mentioned the Costco Hugfest) for a rabid fandom. That goes both ways, btw, because many (on both sides of the Great Divide) honestly feel they own a bit of S. At the same time, he is also JAMMF to many people in here, who imagine he has almost superhuman qualities (most probably not the case). That is exhilarating and empowering, until it's not. One or three or twenty faux-pas later, people will feel the savage urge to spit on the idol. A simple matter of collective instinct, but a very tricky situation for S.

The third problem are the side players. I am not talking about AN or CB or TMcG or the Fitness Harem. I am talking about the Trolls, who really don't do him any favor. Nothing worse for his brand potential than lascivious comments - let's suppose you are a major distributor's marketing expert and you land on That Blog, where the owner shares publicly her dream of licking her way from (how was it?) LHR to GLA to the Highlands to the ends of the known Universe, for a chance of God knows what. What would you write in that memo to the CEO? 'Yes, please: immediately place ALL his booze upfront near the cashier, because the man is an idol to a bunch of fifty-something women who dream the impossible dream?' You think I am exaggerating? Try googling for SRH tumblr and see the first results (😱). These people are visible and that visibility directly informs the interaction between SS and its potential business partners. Especially when your Partner Everyday thought blasting a sizeable chunk of OL's Tumblr fandom in Vanity Fair was a clever strategy for The Win - things like this invite (unwanted) attention.

I pleaded for diversification of the marketing strategy and for a more sophisticated approach and I welcome the change, Anon. The only thing I would like you to take home from this very long answer is simple:

Social Media is just Social Media. The glitz, the glam, the superficial stardust, the Truman Show where it never rains.

Real Life is Real Life. We only see glimpses, speculate on it, have a more or less educated guess and if we are lucky enough, some tidbits to chew on.

Progressively, the very unprofessional (bantering) Social Media strategy has been replaced with an account strategy based on product promotion. Convenient, when you do not (for reasons X, Y and Z) want to discuss what you feel is private and likely to remain so, for a while.

That's about it, Anon. If you still have questions, you can always pop in here. I promise I won't charge a retainer, out of my good heart.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I have a really hard time on Tumblr sometimes and I have this issue with a lot of people and places so it's hardly tumblr specific, but it's also really hard to describe/convey to others. Let me try to scaffold it out

I spent my entire childhood being called an anxious person, and being forced to keep my anxiety internal, and this is overall really bad for me

The one useful tool I was ever given for BOTH reducing externally visible distress AND total distress is to pair anxious/distressing and "strengths based" thoughts. Whenever I say or think something related to distress, I take a moment to reframe the thought into a pair of thoughts - one non-judgemental observation of the need speaking through my distress/how I might meet it, and one non-judgemental acknowledgement of my feelings. It's energy intensive, and it takes a while to learn how to do it in a way that is clarifying rather than erasive. But it genuinely always makes me feel like I have a better handle on things, like I'm less inclined to spiral or end up with a disrupted mood or function, and also now consistently get **the opposite** commentary about being a very positive person who's good at conveying and opening up that positivity for others (at least in my professional life)

There are some people who take my doing this as an invitation to argue with me about why, actually, the distressing stuff IS VALID AND RIGHT AS A FRAMEWORK rather than understanding why I might be shifting away from it. You'd think this would happen most when I talk to other people and "reframe" something they've said, but actually this happens the most often after I have just finished expressing my own thoughts about a thing and someone seems to decide that "framed in a functional way" is equivalent to "hasn't thought enough about the problem areas" and start going off about all the "bad" or "hard" or whatever parts of a thing.

I cannot argue BACK with these people when they do this, because arguing back is dragging me back into a headspace that directly contributes to my suicidality, however side-stepping the issue by CONTINUING to insist on framing things the way I do often leads to them REPEATING their points in different ways in an attempt to "convince" me or "correct my misunderstanding" and I kinda have to be like. Not a misunderstanding. I know what you said and am simply not sharing that space with you. Why is it so uncomfortable for you that we are on different pages about this thing that you feel the need to force me into a distressing place for me rather than move on now that we've both shared our thoughts on the matter?

I can only spend so much of my time around a person rigidly reinforcing my own protective cognitions before I just. I can't talk to them anymore. I need to leave and do other things in other spaces with people who can talk to me about things from the same strengths-based perspective for a while

A lot of people use this to accuse me of spending time in echo chambers because they LITERALLY CANNOT FATHOM a space in which one can be critical of a thing without explicitly being "negative" about it, and assume that if everyone in a space is coming from a strengths based perspective that they're all uncritical fans or at least don't criticise in that space. This is just an objectively untrue assumption and I actually vastly prefer the constructive criticism of things within those strengths-based spaces

You can't ask people to stop doing this, or make them believe (if they don't already) the impact this might be having on your mental health, and if you try, people take it VERY personally and will start being MORE "negative" about EVERYTHING they say without even realizing it (saying "positive" things about one thing directly by "pulling down" something else, using satirical praise language like "fuck you" or "i can't stand it I'm going to die" or etc to refer to things they are happy with/enjoying/liking/etc, pivoting off your "positives" with immediate "negatives", etc) which makes the dynamic more intensive to cope with for me. Even when I try to convey this stuff to someone or point out examples, it quickly worsens the issue to the point that it's literally better for me to stop doing so and go back to quietly exiting when I'm overwhelmed.

A lot of people, when all this is discussed for them, will say something to the effect of "this is how I enjoy things I love!" And I get that. I do. But why? Why is the only way you are able to enjoy a thing by putting it or something else down? If it were ONE OF THE WAYS you enjoyed things, I'd 100% get that, and have no issue with it! I do wish that it was more common for groups of people to just enjoy things "unironically" tho, because it's a space I have a much easier time existing comfortably in, and those spaces being hard to find and maintain is part of why I struggle to socialize much. It's hard for me (literally, in terms of asking more effort of me, and emotionally in terms of the impact it has on my mood) to be around people whose only access to enjoyment is to insult, belittle, or point out the problems in something. It makes me sad not to spend as much time as I'd like to with people I like because of this incompatibility, and it makes me frustrated that I have never found a way of sharing with others what is happening in this dynamic in a way that has any concrete impact on the outcome. I have sort of learned to just NOT share it with others and instead do all the heavy listing of navigating the issue on other people's behalf and taking breaks when I can no longer do that so that I can keep relationships or spaces or conversations that are important to me.

Tumblr is, to put it mildly, almost nothing but this dynamic. So despite being a system I am most suited to in terms of posting options, conversation topics, access formats, etc, Tumblr is a space I feel best taking regular breaks from.

Tumblr is far from the epitome of this in my life. But it's a space where I see the most. I want to say etiquette? Social "respect" indicators? Built around this kind of behavior/framework. Like. Tumblr is a space of differing social contexts, but a lot of the connected ones across subcultures on the platform are informed by this framework because it is non-ideological and so gets conveyed as a more universalizably etiquette system I think. So there's a lot of like. Expectations of how you interact with others here that default this framework (for very functional reasons I think lol, i just don't know that it was done on purpose rather than sort of stumbled into?) are really normalized in a way that is especially risky for me given how much work I have to put into resisting this framework on a personal level

I often feel very lonely, because I have found a degree of distance that gets built into my dynamics with people. Throughout my life, there have been people who put me up on a pedastal, and people who set me far below them in capacity and cannot fathom my functionality, and of course people who manage both at once in different areas. But it's been hard to build and maintain relationships where I trust I am seen specifically as a peer and where this anxiety/complaint oriented framework is not one of the dominant cultural forces in play socially.

There are gaps in all this still in my brain, but. I dunno, I get tired sometimes. I wish I had a space in my life where I felt fully seen and where I could just sort of sit and build something up with someone for a while.

[system-of-a-feather]

Honestly, a thing I've kind of started to realize within both our proper involvement within trauma / mental health care spaces and within our own healing, a large issue (not bad or derogatory, but rather a "flaw" and an obstacle that gets in the way from the most effective condition) is that a lot of DID / OSDD / CDD spaces are heavily built with a large atmosphere and focus on trauma, trauma labels, terms, the nuances of what is and isn't possible, and just largely a lot of the talk and engagement is about sharing one another's trauma stories and explaining How The Trauma Happens and the details of how Trauma Has Affected / Impact / Forever Changed You and that is COMPLETELY expected and understandable

Trauma is an incredibly harmful, incredibly hurtful, incredibly impactful thing to go through and it can very very easily make you feel EXTREMELY stuck in the place you are. It's not something that can easily swallow your existence - especially if you have DID and even more so if you are specifically a part that got the misfortune of having the role of holding trauma or being explicitly stuck in flashbacks. There is nothing *wrong* with the community being like that, it's completely expected and there is nothing *bad* about it. I think it is incredibly more helpful and better than everyone being isolated, uninformed, unsupported, and having *nothing* to help them through what is often an unsafe environment or the challenges of early recovery.

That said, both of those values / beliefs / mindsets are incredibly trauma-driven focuses that - in the process of helping meet needs, a sense of community, and safety (things individuals with a trauma history have a lot of a need for), reinforce the building of one's sense of self and identity AROUND and on top of the trauma and thus also kind of reinforces the idea that someone is defined, forever stuck, and distanced from other people based on their trauma.

And I think that is a key thing thats a difference between peer survivor groups processing things together and proper professionally guided group therapy of survivors. I'm not saying that professionals and group therapy is "good", because I have had a number of really negative experiences with it myself and as a person with a trauma background myself (even if I talk like this, I'm not immune) I both distrust "officials" and instictually would very much prefer if people who have not experienced extensive trauma stayed out of my trauma spaces.

What I am kind of trying to say is that in the former, there is an issue of the blind leading the blind as everyone involved is more or less stuck in that trauma space / mindplace that makes it hard to see the avenues of healing that go BEYOND trauma and are not something that individuals who are still deep in the trauma sauce are not going to really be the most open to. In the latter, in theory, there is a heavy trauma-responsive and trauma-informed professional who is both able to understand, empathize, be attuned to, and respond positively to traumatized individuals and the frequent challenges; and that not "In the Trauma" view provides a lot of essential and helpful opportunities to challenge (positively) some of the largest generalized trauma views / values and help in developing and builiding a sense of self and a life that is not as heavily built upon the basis of "Trauma being Defining" to who you are.

And as someone who was there before, its totally fine if you have a problem with me saying that "Trauma does not have to define your entire existence and doesn't make up everything of who you are" because 1) I don't know your story and 2) You don't have to trust me, you have no reason to trust me on that; but as someone who went through a shit ton of trauma and recovery myself, I hope that its something you would at least humor that I strongly believe that and have seen it multiple times - both in human and nonhuman experiences.

I just really say that because in my experience, the most important belief and self concept to challenge that REALLY changed how I felt about myself, my disorder, and my symptoms was the development of the belief that "I went through a lot of trauma and it greatly impacted me, but trauma isn't all of who I am and with every day I live outside of it, trauma becomes a smaller and smaller portion of who I am"

I think its important to hold discussions on how healing doing things and engaging in conversation AWAY from trauma can actually greatly help develop a sense of self apart from trauma and paradoxically greatly help in recovering from it. It sounds very anti-intuitive and against what might feel right / productive in the moment, but it's honestly really just such a powerful thing in my experience.

[faresong]

reference page for one of his casual outfits.

+ misc. clarification on his 'ranking' below

KAI SATOU (27) — he/hir — Japanese & Wa Chinese ASU-NARO: Technical division (special operation unit) — Level 3 Clearance Ex-patriarch and consultant of the Satou Family. Asunaro Alliance (Chidouin Clan) subsidary.

{ Technical Division } — Double-meaning in both medical developments/research, but additionally important in the technological aspect of weaponry (which inevitably leads into trade.) The Satou Family specializes in this division and, due to the Family's high status, any acting within this department will ultimately defer to Gashu. However, even among valued researchers (ie. those who work with repairing/building obstructors), there are very few new recruits into the Family through this department as the candidate requirements for its trust are extremely strict under his ruling. Rarely anyone is involved in the AI development; with those who breach confidentiality being met with death.

{ Special Operation Unit } — Subtly referring to its 'less savory' practices; though managed by the Hiyori House, there are units within other Families. In recent years, Kai has been referred to reconnaissance work rather than assassination targets once his inability to kill was revealed. Despite punishment and expected execution, they instead elected to utilize him for gathering information on the Chidouins (at least, that is what the order claims). Everyone within these units are aware of the Death Game in some capacity.

As seen in { Level 3 Clearance } ... Kai is only given very limited information on this project after his disobedience. He was once permitted Level 4—alongside those such as HIyori, Emiri, Michiru, & various old guard—but Kai has completely broken Asunaro's trust and shown himself to be a willing, dangerous traitor if he deems it necessary. The only details he holds were through his father and what little was revealed in the Death Game's beginnings, as well as Gashu's interest in replacing Kai with Michiru and Emiri (now his superiors, despite his seniority); as development continued, other candidates have been completely omitted from report requests. The bulk of this work is instead entrusted to those working under the Hiyoris at Levels 3/4.

In more distinct detail, as applied to its medical field:

— Level 1: Simply citizens with which Asunaro holds no further interest. Unaware of the scope of Asunaro; follows typical confidentiality required by government. — Level 2: Involved in upcoming projects to varying degrees, with signed confidentiality for all patented projects. Primarily excused as typical medical research and development; no peek into AI, obstructor work, etc. Coincides with security detail (at least, those who weren't raised in Asunaro), who are the only few who interact with Level 3 agents to convey orders & information. — Level 3: Reserved for those who have caught Asunaro's interest or were born in Asunaro but haven't yet completed their training... or, simply, those they cannot fully trust. Prior to Gashu's induction, he was placed here—as was Emiri and Michiru. Those in this level are slightly more aware of the depths of Asunaro in terms of the eerie amount of information they gather on each volunteer/patient's personal lives alongside medical records... these extensive profiles, which will make their assignments easier to complete, but will nonetheless leave people on-edge. At this point, the only 'out' is either death or dismissal (with lasting negative impact on one's future work.) Many working here are involved in finding human candidates for trial tests, engineering obstructors, etc. and will defer to Gashu Satou. Their yakuza roots begin to seep into daily life; as Megumi and Hayasaka particularly bear the brunt of, though Hayasaka's been given Level 4 for divulging technical information. They are under heavy surveillance and scrutiny. — Level 4: Trusted agents who know of the Death Game in detail and are actively contributing to it; involved in artificial intelligence, organizing (re)construction of the DG grounds, managing the specific candidates involved, so on and so forth. As stated above, those under the Hiyori name are sent to gather basic information—however, it is Sou Hiyori (Midori) himself who gathers most of the details beneath for AI purposes. The Chidouins are an exception, given to Kai as per the Godfather's request... Everyone on this level is aware of the Chairman, but have rarely spoken to him personally; only a select few know his family name, and perhaps that is the extent of it. Many others only refer to Asunaro as the clan they work for, rather than a particular Family name (successor of the Hades Incident) ...Kai is included, left unaware of the true nature of the family he now loves so dearly. — Level 5: Those who know the Godfather/Chairman Chidouin personally. The Floormasters belong here.

{ Ex-patriarch } — As Kai was intended to bear the mantle of leading the Satou Family established upon being the victor of the Assassin's Trial; the Godfather's strong right hand. However... Kai never proved himself past the Trial and was thereby never given the opportunity, once of-age, to succeed Gashu for the title's claim & responsibility. Gashu simultaneously acts as a supervisor of Asunaro's medical branch and manages its yakuza involvement as { Chidouin Clan subsidaries } beneath this front. Kai has been all but expelled from his own Family.

{ Consultant } is simply meant to clarify Kai's role as an assassin beneath flowery language. As all assassins loyal to Asunaro, they are allowed a certain level of freedom; 'do as you please, so long as you hit the mark' ... Kai managed to abuse this to keep himself alive for so long, using lies and certain manipulative tactics (not only in adjusting records on these victims, but at times... electing them for any other punishment beside death. to give them time) to keep his targets alive & fuel the hope that Asunaro would find some use in him despite initial reluctance to kill.

Assassins are given the general rundown and then left to use their own discretion. Naturally, there are suggestions Asunaro may offer for when and where to kill, a deadline by which this person can no longer interfere, but they are given permission to scout on their own rather than rely on informants. The only word of caution is to not get caught; despite the teachings to withstand torture, any rescue mission is less than ideal and will certainly leave questions on one's performance. Ultimately, Asunaro's only request of their assassins is to kill or retrieve these targets. Anything more raises undue suspicion, and Kai was forced to balance this for much of his life and work as a yakuza agent.

[ouroboros-hideout]

6-18-20 for Knife Queen! Please and thank you!!!! :*

Thank you for the asks! :* Here comes the suffering!

6. How far would they go to save someone they love? Would they sacrifice themselves? Others?

Sacrifice herself? Yes, 100%. She is very focused on “everyone else first” (therefore especially her loved ones) that she would go through fire without hesitation. Whether she would sacrifice others depends on the situation and the people involved and could lead to moral dilemmas. For example, would she sacrifice Anna or Greg for Kurt? Or the other way around? Probably back to sacrificing herself in that case. Any people she doesn't care about? Yes. Protective Lynx mom.

18. If they could go back in time for 5/10/15 minutes and change something, what would it be?

I think the only thing she regretted so much for a while that she wished she could turn back time was that she ran away when she had the chance to finish off her stepfather. But that realization came later so even 15 minutes wouldn't have had an impact and she doesn't know if it would have been good or if it would have made things even worse. She tries to accept all other decisions that didn't lead to the result she had hoped for, or that burdened her with regret or other negative feelings afterwards. She is a too realistic/pragmatic person for that and often too hard on herself. It happened, learn to live with it and try to make the best of it. Works more or less well in some cases.

20. Are they codependent? Do they have abandonment issues?

After her first relationship, from which she had really hoped for a lot (stupid teenagers in love), went to shit within the blink of an eye and everything that happened that left her with nothing, she pretty much isolated herself for many years and tried not to make herself dependent on anyone again, at least not willingly or in the sense of a relationship. So yes, abandonment issues are strong in the sense of: if I don't get attached to anything, I can't be abandoned. That's why everything in the time between her escape from Moscow and until the feels for Kurt became too strong everything was superficial. How much she depends on Colonel Bark Bark in the end, or how much it means to her, can be seen from the fact that she is willing to forgive him for all his “faux pas” no matter how much it has hurt her.

(I swear she has fun and good times too in her life. Don´t call the welfare department to take her away from me lmao)

[datastate]

kai in his mother's old blouse :]

+ misc. details on his 'ranking' below

KAI SATOU (27) — he/hir — Japanese & Wa Chinese ASU-NARO: Technical division (special operation unit) — Level 3 Clearance Ex-patriarch and consultant of the Satou Family. Chidouin Clan subsidary.

{ Technical Division } — Double-meaning in both medical developments/research, but additionally important in the technological aspect of weaponry (which inevitably leads into trade.) The Satou Family specializes in this division and, due to the Family's high status, any acting within this department will ultimately defer to Gashu. However, even among valued researchers (ie. those who work with repairing/building obstructors), there are very few new recruits into the Family through this department as the candidate requirements for its trust are extremely strict under his ruling. Rarely anyone is involved in the AI development; with those who breach confidentiality being met with death.

{ Special Operation Unit } — Subtly referring to its 'less savory' practices; though managed by the Hiyori House, there are units within other Families. In recent years, Kai has been referred to reconnaissance work rather than assassination targets once his inability to kill was revealed. Despite punishment and expected execution, they instead elected to utilize him for gathering information on the Chidouins (at least, that is what the order claims). Everyone within these units are aware of the Death Game in some capacity.

As seen in { Level 3 Clearance } ... Kai is only given very limited information on this project after his disobedience. He was once permitted Level 4—alongside those such as HIyori, Emiri, Michiru, & various old guard—but Kai has completely broken Asunaro's trust and shown himself to be a willing, dangerous traitor if he deems it necessary. The only details he holds were through his father and what little was revealed in the Death Game's beginnings, as well as Gashu's interest in replacing Kai with Michiru and Emiri (now his superiors, despite his seniority); as development continued, other candidates have been completely omitted from report requests. The bulk of this work is instead entrusted to those working under the Hiyoris at Levels 3/4.

In more distinct detail, as applied to its medical field:

— Level 1: Simply citizens with which Asunaro holds no further interest. Unaware of the scope of Asunaro; follows typical confidentiality required by government. — Level 2: Involved in upcoming projects to varying degrees, with signed confidentiality for all patented projects. Primarily excused as typical medical research and development; no peek into AI, obstructor work, etc. Coincides with security detail (at least, those who weren't raised in Asunaro), who are the only few who interact with Level 3 agents to convey orders & information. — Level 3: Reserved for those who have caught Asunaro's interest or were born in Asunaro but haven't yet completed their training... or, simply, those they cannot fully trust. Prior to Gashu's induction, he was placed here—as was Emiri and Michiru. Those in this level are slightly more aware of the depths of Asunaro in terms of the eerie amount of information they gather on each volunteer/patient's personal lives alongside medical records... these extensive profiles, which will make their assignments easier to complete, but will nonetheless leave people on-edge. At this point, the only 'out' is either death or dismissal (with lasting negative impact on one's future work.) Many working here are involved in finding human candidates for trial tests, engineering obstructors, etc. and will defer to Gashu Satou. Their yakuza roots begin to seep into daily life; as Megumi and Hayasaka particularly bear the brunt of, though Hayasaka's been given Level 4 for divulging technical information. They are under heavy surveillance and scrutiny. — Level 4: Trusted agents who know of the Death Game in detail and are actively contributing to it; involved in artificial intelligence, organizing (re)construction of the DG grounds, managing the specific candidates involved, so on and so forth. As stated above, those under the Hiyori name are sent to gather basic information—however, it is Sou Hiyori (Midori) himself who gathers most of the details beneath for AI purposes. The Chidouins are an exception, given to Kai as per the Godfather's request... Everyone on this level is aware of the Chairman, but have rarely spoken to him personally; only a select few know his family name, and perhaps that is the extent of it. Many others only refer to Asunaro as the clan they work for, rather than a particular Family name (successor of the Hades Incident) ...Kai is included, left unaware of the true nature of the family he now loves so dearly. — Level 5: Those who know the Godfather/Chairman Chidouin personally. The Floormasters belong here.

{ Ex-patriarch } — As Kai was intended to bear the mantle of leading the Satou Family established upon being the victor of the Assassin's Trial; the Godfather's strong right hand. However... Kai never proved himself past the Trial and was thereby never given the opportunity, once of-age, to succeed Gashu for the title's claim & responsibility. Gashu simultaneously acts as a supervisor of Asunaro's medical branch and manages its yakuza involvement as { Chidouin Clan subsidaries } beneath this front. Kai has been all but expelled from his own Family.

{ Consultant } is simply meant to clarify Kai's role as an assassin beneath flowery language. As all assassins loyal to Asunaro, they are allowed a certain level of freedom; 'do as you please, so long as you hit the mark' ... Kai managed to abuse this to keep himself alive for so long, using lies and certain manipulative tactics (not only in adjusting records on these victims, but at times... electing them for any other punishment beside death. to give them time) to keep his targets alive & fuel the hope that Asunaro would find some use in him despite initial reluctance to kill.

Assassins are given the general rundown and then left to use their own discretion. Naturally, there are suggestions Asunaro may offer for when and where to kill, a deadline by which this person can no longer interfere, but they are given permission to scout on their own rather than rely on informants. The only word of caution is to not get caught; despite the teachings to withstand torture, any rescue mission is less than ideal and will certainly leave questions on one's performance. Ultimately, Asunaro's only request of their assassins is to kill or retrieve these targets. Anything more raises undue suspicion, and Kai was forced to balance this for much of his life and work as a yakuza agent.

[czolgosz]

vivian i have to ask: as a czolgosz enjoyer what do you think of this whole situation?

(this was sent shortly after the trump assassination attempt. i slacked severely... btw i am rambling in the below post; i don't feel like editing it. & maybe not everything i say about the more recent assassination is true idk)

my official opinion on the mckinley assassination is "well that (like all assassinations without an actual movement behind them) was pointless and therefore leon czolgosz shouldn't have done that However how can i be expected to sympathise with william mckinley." same sentiments toward this. except the motives of this recent assassin are unclear so maybe just the last part.

well another difference is that some anarchists at the time of the mckinley assassination said that it caused some people to look into anarchy seriously. i don't know if that's even true and if it is i don't think that outweighs the other negative (for anarchism in the usa) consequences. the circumstances here are quite different considering that both the perpetrator and victim are of the same political party, but there seems to have been almost no effects, not even a noticeable change in polls. the only thing i've really seen is that many people thought that an upcoming trump presidency was more likely.

so i guess the main conclusion to be made in regards to the two assassinations when set side by side is that the mckinley one had a larger impact, but that's unsurprising considering that that one was actually successful; the attempted assassination of theodore roosevelt didn't even get him a third term, after all, while he too tried to make a big moment out of it...

anyway now i'm just comparing because i don't really have any other opinions. in both cases the security was strongly criticised for not preventing it. and the reason why the guards at least initially ignored the assassin are similar. in the mckinley assassination the guards were basing their concerns on the "general appearance and looks" of the people in the line and therefore didn't pay attention to leon czolgosz because he was white and otherwise inoffensive-looking to them; in this assassination the guards didn't initially see the assassin as a significant threat because of his appearance (from what i've heard at least). the difference here is that the police apparently knew he was there and was considered suspicious, unlike with leon czolgosz; the few people who said that they noticed the handkerchief simply thought it was a bandage. also after that assassination the secret service, while it did already exist and was present at the event, was given more responsibility and basically became what it is today. obviously that didn't happen again...

another similarity: post- mckinley assassination, william randolph hearst was censured for publishing a poem the previous year that had called for the assassination; however, this poem was actually anti-assassination, and it was no coincidence that the leading decriers were from political & business rivals of hearst. and some time before the attempted trump assassination, joe biden said "it's time to put trump in a bullseye" which was very obviously not advocating for assassination, but some republicans said it was, though i honestly doubt they all believed that. however this is also different because the backlash against hearst was far worse & had relatively substantial consequences for him. <-also emma goldman &c. got a lot of backlash as well that was far far worse, but the comparison is less direct as they weren't having quotes misinterpreted. and i didn't think of them at first tbh.

i guess another similarity is widespread ardent condemnation of political violence, including by people you wouldn't expect it from, but that's pretty typical...

one last small thing because i can't think of any more: george w bush called the assassination attempt a "cowardly attack on [trump's] life" which i still do not understand. why is everyone always calling assassinations cowardly?.. how are they?!

now another thing that's off-topic so it doesn't count: apparently the trump assassin (can you tell i don't remember his name?) didn't seem to initially care between assassinating trump or biden which reminds me of giuseppe zangara and his ambivalence toward whether he should assassinate herbet hoover or franklin d roosevelt... maybe they had similar motives then...

[gretavangroupie]

I would like to share something extremely and truly deep... emotional and devoid of any exaggeration.

Vigilance saved my life. and that's it.

I've been a Grestie since 2016 if I remember correctly, Greta Van Fleet played a very important role in my life, their love, their dreams and achievements, seeing them blossom, their music often pulled me back from the voids that always chased me.

At the beginning of the year I found myself again in a pure and cruel void where nothing made sense, recently diagnosed with bipolar depression, I faced the words "Sometimes you'll be fine, sometimes you won't. This is for life." and despite it being something treatable, I was still told that there is no cure, so not even GVF's songs were helping me anymore, simply my hope of being "normal and happy" was ripped away from me.

So I found myself simply looking for something that would make me at least stop thinking about the negative side, something that would distract me, so I thought "What do I love most after music? Stories. And who knows, maybe I can mix the two worlds and experience 'fanfics' and 'one shots'?" So I started reading about them and guess what I found? Vigilance.

And it was just at the beginning of the story, but I was intrigued by the writing, the description of scenarios, the feelings... And it brought to the surface feelings that I hadn't felt in a long time, sometimes the voids lead me to become "numb" from any emotion so when I came across the way Vigilance brought these feelings to the surface with such ease, I was surprised, intrigued, enraptured, it gave me strength to look for what else could bring me "back to life", the little things, words, moments and people.

So, it's been 8 months, is that correct? that I have been reading Vigilance and this has helped a lot in the healing of my heart, mind and soul. Less and less I face the voids and, when I do, the duration is shorter than the last time and so I continue.

I can only thank you and @gretavanmoon for this and I have a feeling others out there might say the same, we'll never know.

I finish by saying that with the last chapter of Vigilance, I begin another in my life, a chapter that was only possible thanks to you.

Thank you for giving me life. With love - V

Anon,

Thank you so much for sending this in, as I know it was probably not easy for you to talk about. I said from the beginning that if this story could help even just one person, it would all be worth to me. So thank you for taking the time to share this with us and giving us the gift of knowing we made an impact.

We received tons of love on this last chapter and we appreciate each and every message, like, comment, reblog etc. But THIS, by far, is the best thing we could have hoped for with the completion of this story. Helping someone feel empowered to make a change.

I am so happy to hear that we helped you, even in this tiny insignificant way, and that you're on the path to happiness, but as Glinda told Dorothy, "You've always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself."

[hyper-vigilante]

I struggle to talk about my issues with people for a lot of reasons.

Often times me trying has lead to people not understanding or not really knowing how to respond, or even upsetting people. Which isn’t their fault, it is upsetting stuff, it just sucks that I can’t express my hurt without hurting others.

When I choose not to talk about certain issues with others, there have been times I’ve been told that I’m ignoring my problems. That I’m repressing them and refusing to face them. That when I act happy despite all the stuff I deal with that I must be putting on an act. That’s not true. I am happy. I can be happy. My struggles are hard yes but I’m not just wholly suffering 24/7

And I’m not ignoring my problems. Far from it. I think about them constantly. I write about them constantly. I privately work through them constantly. But I don’t always want to talk about it, or at the very least with how I’ve learned people tend to respond, I don’t really feel like I can.

I’m not ignoring my problems when I refuse to talk about them. I have coping mechanisms, I understand my issues for the most part, I’m doing ok. Talking about them hurts though. How people respond to them hurts.

Cause again it’s always either people don’t understand/don’t know how to respond so it’s just awkward, or people get upset in one way or another. To some extent, that’s validating. It’s validating to know my issues are real enough and “bad enough” that people are left upset or lost when they hear about them.

But that’s also the issue. When I talk about it, I’m fine. I’m detached enough that I can talk about it just like facts and not get too upset majority of the time. But when I have to deal with how other people feel about it, it forces me to face the reality of how bad everything is.

For me it’s just another Tuesday of all these things I already know about my life and do what I can to handle, for other people, it’s this dark hurt filled history that they didn’t previously know about and are rightfully upset happened/happens to me.

I’m the host of my system. I believe I have been, in the state that I am, for at least a few years. I am frontlocked. I cannot leave front. I cannot take a break. I most likely directly split off from any previous hosts we’ve had based on the memories and traits I have and how I know they line up with how we were when we were younger.

Part of my job is that I can’t face how bad things are. I’m always looking at the bright side, the silver lining, I’m always downplaying, I’m always detached. I know things, and logically I can understand that they’re things that negatively impact me, but emotionally, I can’t really grasp it.

I can’t grasp how abusive my mother has actually been because all I can do is try and understand her perspective and look at the things she does right. When I’m upset with her it hardly lasts more than a day.

I can’t grasp how unhealthy and unstable all of my father figures have been and how that has permanently impacted me in ways that make me feel disgusting.

I can’t grasp how unfair it has been being the eldest child in my family and all the responsibility that has been put on me since I was a very young child.

I can’t grasp how dealing with how the world treats queer/trans/neurodivergent is actively adding loads and loads of stress onto me. Makes me fear for my life. Makes me angry. Makes me feel stuck. Makes me feel less than and ostracized.

I can’t grasp the fact that despite what I’ve thought my whole life, I may have in fact been sexually abused/harassed/assaulted in my life.

I can’t grasp just how bad and unfair everything is, because if I did, I would break. I would lose hope and I would give up. It would be too much.

Talking to other people makes me have to face those things more and with the lack of support I end up receiving, I cannot handle that.

So I keep everything to myself. To my own mind, my own journals, my own artwork, and now, my own secret/private vent account.

That way I don’t have to face other people facing my trauma.

[financialninja]

How To Stop Procrastination

Procrastination has been a source of frustration  impeding our goals and causing anxiety, stress, and self-loathing. However procrastination can be controlled with right techniques.you can eliminate this bad habit with a few techniques and methods.After you finish watching my video I want you to apply all techniques and methods  and practice it for at least 21days.

Procrastination is the habit of delaying urgent goals or tasks and instead doing less important ones first. When you put off your study sessions or important tasks to mindlessly scroll through Snapchat, Meta,YouTube or Instagram, you end up pushing them closer to the deadline. This habit doesn’t always affect difficult tasks. It becomes habituated into your life. So you become an intense procrastinator and regular tasks seem more difficult than they are.

If you find that you thrive on last-minute work and tend to avoid making decisions due to fear of failure or success, struggle with time management, lack commitment and concenration, set unrealistic goals, seek approval constantly, and make excuses, then it’s important to adopt the methods and techniques that I will discuss later  Practicing these methods diligently will help you avoid future regrets. Let’s discuss methods & techniques in detail

1.Plan Time and Task mangement

If you’ve procrastinated your way to this video, after watching it, take a moment to do a time audit of the rest of your day. Consider using the Eisenhower matrix to prioritize your tasks and focus on completing the most important ones. Then complete the rest of the tasks. Don’t touch your laptop or phone until you do this.

Eisenhower matrix for time management

If you find yourself addicted to your phone, try to avoid using apps to manage or schedule tasks. Instead, use the diary to organize tasks and a timer to focus on one task completely. Having time constraints can help you stay more focused on the task at hand, reducing procrastination. If your task is big, try breaking it into smaller, more manageable tasks. 

2.Forget perfectionism

Perfectionism often leads to procrastination. A perfectionist is less efficient than someone who is willing to do things imperfectly. It’s better to complete a task with some imperfections than to not do it at all. Perfectionists hold themselves to very high standards and are often never satisfied with their work. While you can’t completely eliminate your perfectionist nature, you can learn to control it. Remind yourself that it’s okay to do things imperfectly. Redirect your focus away from perfectionism, take a deep breath, and start the task without overthinking it.Don’t disregard the strategies, or you’ll end up with regrets. Time flies, and you’ll realize a month or year has passed. Remember you are responsible for your success & failure. Everything is in your hand.

Focus on goals

Your life doesn’t just happen,you make it happen. Take proactive action to set your goals. Your goals won’t become a reality until you take proactive action towards them.We procrastinators often don’t know how to set goals. So adopt SMART strategy.

SMART means S=Specific, M=Measurable, A=Achievable, R=Realistic, T=Time bound. Help yourself with this strategy.

Be specific

Measure and track your goals to reduce procrastination. You’ll get positive feelings as it will help you to continue further ahead.

Make your goals attainable. Don’t make goals too high to achieve otherwise you won’t be able to achieve them. Think about your goals.

Remember to keep your goals realistic in order to avoid negative feelings. Unrealistic goals can have a negative impact on your mind. A goal that is challenging but achievable is good for preventing procrastination. If a goal is unmeasurable, then it’s unrealistic. Keep this in mind when setting your goals.

Putting timeframe on your goals would help you to procrastinate less. Whether your goal is big or small you are bound to procrastinate more or less. So timeframe on goals offers a sense of urgency.

Improve organization and productivity with Pareto principle

The Pareto principle, also known as the 80/20 rule, states that roughly 80% of consequences come from 20% of causes (the “vital few”). By focusing on this principle, you can gain a clear view of what is producing the best results. If you focus on the most productive 20% of activities, you can ensure that the most important goals are dealt with effectively, leading to successful goal achievement.

4. Avoid distractions and excuses

You are spending time browsing youtube, Snapchat, Instagram, instead of studying for an upcoming exam to find moments of pleasure. However, this behavior won’t benefit you in the long run. At the end of the day, you will feel regret for wasting your time. So Focus and stop daydreaming. Go to a quiet spot & turn off your mobile laptop and all electronic gadgets. Just do your work. Also, create a to-do list of all possible distractions. Use it at the start of your work.

5.Forgive yourself and your past

It’s common for us to compare our current situation to where we think we should be, but doing so often leads to negative feelings and guilt. Procrastination is a normal part of human behavior, and it’s important to forgive yourself for any time lost due to procrastination in the past. Instead of dwelling on the past, focus on your future goals and the rewards that come with working towards them. When you catch yourself overthinking, try counting to five and then start taking action towards your goal immediately. To manage distracting thoughts while studying, jot them down on a sheet of paper and address them after your study session.

Practice all the above methods & techniques for at least 21 days regularly.

Without this having a positive nature, putting less pressure on yourself and knowing your limits can be helpful.

Thanks for reading