#or as I've been calling it the past few months
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I Love You Deerly
Harry Potter x Reader
summary: after a DA meeting, you and your boyfriend harry take a second to be alone together.
y/n: your name
author's note: basically no plot, just so much fluff! fluff here, fluff there, fluff everywhere!!
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"Fantastic job tonight everyone! See you all next Tuesday, 8 pm sharp!" Harry claps his hands and grins at the DA.
The group disperses, happily chatting amongst themselves. Tonight's meeting was pretty successful, so the group is in a cheery mood. We'd been working on Expecto patronum for the past two weeks, and today, a few more students, including myself, had been able to conjure our patronuses. I weave my way through the crowd towards Harry, who's standing in the far corner of the room with Neville, who looks dejected. Poor Neville. I can't blame him, he's been trying really hard for the last two meetings with only a few wisps of his patronus to show for it.
"See ya later y/n!" Hermione smiles and waves at me as she passes.
Ron on the other hand salutes me and says, "Remember you promised to lend me your potions notes tonight y/n!" I call after him, "I did no such thing Ronald!" I laugh and shake my head before turning back around.
"... such a hard thing to achieve, most people our age can't even get what you got consistently. Trust me, by next month you'll be an expert. It takes time." I walk up to Harry and Neville and chime in, "Yeah, and look at Zacharius, I thought the vein in his forehead would pop today and he came nowhere near what you did." Neville jumps but then smiles sheepishly when he realizes it's me, even laughing under his breath. Harry also turns at my voice and his gaze softens when he meets my eyes. With a big grin on his face, he rubs Neville's shoulder one more time before patting his arm.
"Don't lose it just yet, mate. You're really, truly doing great."
"Thanks guys." Neville wipes his nose and smiles at the both of us, "I'll see you around!" In much better spirits, Neville grabs his sweater and heads out.
Once we're alone, Harry steps towards me and wraps me in a tight embrace, and my face ends up smushed in his chest
"Mmmph - hey, mm, can't breathe here!" Harry laughs and kisses the top of my head before loosening his grip.
"Sorry love, I'm sorry, I've just been waiting to do that since you walked into the room. It's hard to focus on everyone else here when you're right there, you know?"
I smile up at him before wrapping my arms around his neck to pull him down for a kiss.
"Maybe... I should... stop... coming... so you... can focus!" I peck his lips between every word and he snakes his arms around my waist.
"Little... do you know... that's... useless... because... you're... always... on... my... mind!" Harry plants big kisses on the top of my head, my forehead, my cheeks, each ear, and the rest on my lips, making me giggle like a little girl.
"By the way... a doe?" He's talking about my patronus that revealed itself today, a graceful doe. As soon as I had conjured it, it had pranced in a circle around Harry and his stag before returning to me. Everyone had paused in their own efforts to stare, jaws dropped. Hermione had gasped and grabbed onto Ron's arm and she gazed up at it with wide eyes and a huge smile.
"Mmm what a surprise, huh?" I look up at Harry and he looks back at me fondly, grinning so wide I think his face might crack in two.
"Maybe we can make our patronuses kiss in front of everyone."
I laugh before wriggling out of his grasp to retrieve my things. "You are ridiculous Mr. Potter, utterly ridiculous."
I don't make it far before Harry pounces and wraps himself around me from behind, "Where do you think you're going!"
"Hey!" I lose my balance and we both fall to the ground onto one of the mats, giggling. I roll onto my back so he's on top of me, our limbs entangled and our noses touching. He rubs our noses together before kissing me and I can't but melt into the it. Almost two years of dating and his kisses still never fail to make me all fluttery inside.
He pulls away, suddenly serious, and leans his forehead against mine.
"You know I couldn't have done this without you, you know?"
"Yes you absolutely could have, and you know it."
"Actually, I know that I wouldn't have been able to. You're my strength, my love. You were the one who encouraged me to take the risk. You were the one who believed that I could do it when I didn't."
I cup his cheek and he leans into it before continuing, "Even during meetings when I don't think I can, all I have to do is look for you and your smile tells me I can keep going. I have to keep going. For you. For us."
My heart swells with his words and all I can think about is how in love I am with this boy, with the Boy Who Lived And Captured My Heart. "Merlin, I love you so much, Harry." He lets his head rest on my chest and I snuggle into him.
"I love you, y/n."
I close my eyes and lean into my boyfriend while I mindlessly run my fingers through his hair. We lay in comfortable silence.
"Y/n?"
"Hmm?"
"Can we stay here for a second?"
"Of course, my love. Let's stay here forever."
#harry potter#harry potter imagine#harry potter imagines#hp imagine#harry x reader#harry x yn#harry potter fanfic#harry potter fanfiction#harry potter oneshot#harry potter x reader#harry potter x y/n
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honestly analysing mdzs is such a minefield because you cannot actually take anything you read at face value. for every claim, you have to look at who's saying/doing it, what their motivations are, what their perspective is (for example, what information they do or don't have, and their specific view of the world), what the context they are acting in, because it all matters - and that might be par for the course for any well written intrigue, but that's not the only thing to think about, because you also have to take into account MXTX's own biases, the message she is trying to convey with a line or a scene, and critically evaluate the effect that is having - and be careful because in this fandom we're all so emotionally charged you also have to reflect on your biases and how your life experiences influence the way you interpret characters and events, and try not to project too much, and oh- oh!!!! what's this with a steel chair???? it's six fucking different adaptations and dubiously canonical social media posts from the author!!!!
like, good fucking luck.
#and everyone thinks their interpretation is unquestionably the right one#sorry omg#i have been more focused on scum villain for the past few months and honestly it's so much more straight forward#like yes there are competing narratives but it is very easy to work out who believes what and why#also the fandom is more chill so it doesn't feel as grave if you slightly misinterpret something or stretch the truth in a post#at least on tumblr#i think of twt liking sj's character can still get you called a child abuser but#it's calmer here#but like this past week i've been more engaged with mdzs again and see the thing is i love when it's messy like this i find it so much fun#but like i feel a lot more stress going to post anything about mdzs than i do shitpost about svsss#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#fandom culture
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Literally can't pay my rent until I get paid for September, which hasn't happened yet. Today is Friday, and Monday is the last day of the month. I'm so tired of being poor.
#i still cringe to call myself 'poor' bc i have my own apartment and can afford groceries#and even fun stuff like museums and cafe visits and public transport sometimes#but the reality of the matter is that after i pay off my student loans every month#i do not have enough money left to pay the following month's rent#and that's the way it's been my whole life#all my groceries and museum visits and coffee come from those few hundred euros left over#my whole life i've been choosing between 'having savings' and 'having even the smallest most humble life' and obviously i choose the latter#i never go to the movies#i buy all my clothes second hand (got some this past month after not having bought any new clothing in almost two years)#i have visited a museum TWICE this year#i go to restaurants like... once a month max#i am living the most frugal life that i possibly can without denying myself all pleasures#i don't even have netflix or anything like that! i only very rarely order delivery! i cook my own damn meals!#you get the picture#and yet still: one single missed paycheck is enough to potentially fuck up my life seriously#i've never missed a rent payment in my life but i'm scared it may happen this time#just wrote to HR of my former employer (who is supposed to still be paying me through october) to politely ask where my paycheck is#it's probably coming today (i sure as hell hope so) but if it doesn't... i legit don't know how i'm going to pay my rent#my rent is 673 euros and i only have 400 in my bank account#i probably have enough food in my pantry to survive for a month if i had to#but i've never missed rent in germany before (or ever) and i have no idea how long they'd wait before evicting me for non-payment#i'm scared. and i'm tired of being apparently the only fucking person in my social groups who is this poor#i am an over-educated 37-year-old professional who typically gets classed with the 'expats'#but one missed salary payment has me thinking about eviction and affording groceries#this is what i mean when i say i'm an immigrant. not an expat.#those people with their apple watches and co-working spaces and spontaneous trips to thailand or brazil are... a world apart from me#how come everyone i meet is so damn rich? where do i find fellow poor friends?#anyway i'm stressed. and i'm so so tired of spending my mental energy worrying about money#cosmo gyres#personal
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I wanna thank my irl friends who follow me here and also my beloved mutuals as well as followers who still send me kind messages and try to interact with me and my stuff even if I'm bad at doing it myself.
Honestly, things haven't been that great with me lately, so... it means a lot to me. Honestly. <3
#personal#i had to make the tough decision to drop out of school last week#i didn't exactly want it if i'm being completely honest here#but certain stuff was preventing me from getting further so i knew the teachers are gonna ask me to quit over at our teams meeting#i instantly contacted my nurse about my situation. and she got me a doctor's appointment which was yesterday#where i kind of broke down a little. not because she didn't grant me the sick leave i thought i was going to get#after feeling down and sleeping terribly for weeks#but because she actually *got me*. like. she actually listened to me and figured out some stuff and told me that#what i'm going through and what i've been going through for years would make anyone depressed#so i couldn't help but cry a little because yeah. i'm so tired of never being enough no matter how hard i try#because my brain's wired a certain way and it makes me slow and kinda clumsy and inattentive at times#which. you might guess is not ideal at today's work environment. or studying-wise even#so instead of granting me sick leave (she did say we can change that at anytime though) she told me to wait for that phone call#from the unemployment office. which i should be getting tomorrow. or well. later today#and talk to them about this. to see if they can offer some solutions. or if we can figure something out#'cause i'm getting closer to my 40s and not getting anywhere and it's wearing me out and tiring me out#because i clearly can't help myself or change my ways on my own#i managed to get some work last week though. at the local youth house. one shift though but money still#but i haven't been getting those offers a lot during the past few months so it's not enough to support me obviously#so i definitely need something else. and i hope i can get help. that someone could help me#i should finally get tested for adhd next month too. i don't know if i even have it or if it's gonna change anything but#at least i'd know#anyway i needed to get this off my chest. cause i'm kinda crying a little bit even now just thinking about this whole thing#sorry
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someone please free me from the shackles of my ableist job so I can read my books, draw and write my silly little fics in PEACE
#i told my boss about people disrespecting me and calling me ableist slurs and she was straight up like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#i haven't been paid yet (nearly a month now) and they still pressure me into sending my work weeks before the deadline#i can't sleep I can't have fun without thinking about whether i'm falling behind on work or not#i haven't been able to write these past week because of my work#i'm tired all the time. everyone is worried about me#if they gave me a raise maybe i could help my family w/ bills & start my hormonal therapy but they don't even pay me in the right day#i've been waiting almost 10 years to finally start hormonal therapy and at this point i'm just living for my little family and out of spite#cw: rant#vent#they say they are inclusive and love autistic people and then treat me like shit and get pissed off when I make a mistake#and then when a neurotypical person does the SAME mistake they say “oh it's fina haha” and don't yell at them like they do with me#i already quit but I have a few more weeks. I'm scared to be unemployed and embarassed. I want to help my family#but it's hard when it feels like the whole world hates people like me
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#sorry been away a bit but been busy with actual good things#i've spent the last couple months crocheting winter items to donate to local homeless / dv shelters#and overall to date... i've donated over a hundred items#hats. scarves. gloves / wrist warmers#been throwing all my spare energy at that. working on another batch too#in the past 2 days alone i've made 2 scarves and 12 hats#and gonna go drop 'em off tomorrow since we're having a bad cold snap here and i want people to be warm and safe#just wanted to share bc i'm proud of myself for it and idk i think the world needs more happy things right now#will be here more tho 'cause i gotta slow down my wrist hurts so bad but no regrets. so gonna work on replies and refilling the queue for#the next few days. and probs posting a lotta meme calls bc i've been in the meme spamming mood pretty consistently#(( ooc. ))
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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Speaking of Megaman, someone just left a comment on one of my very old Megaman fics from 2018 saying they printed it out years ago, and when their anxiety doesn't let them sleep, they reread that story and it helps drain the tension out of them.
; ____ ;
#i talk#gay robot hell#I went ''AWWW???'' out loud when I read that#Definitely gonna be one of those comments that sticks with me forever I think#I need to respond to Ao3 messaged I've just been getting my butt kicked by the triple threat called anxiety / depression / adhd#for the past few years#I reread a lot of Ao3 comments when I'm feeling down. My Megaman fic readers always left such nice commenrs#* comments#I miss the community#I miss drawing I miss not being burnt out I miss being able to do more#I miss being happy#But that comment did make me smile a lot#I just got home so I'll have to reply later but I'm gonna be thinking about it all night#all month probably
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Ok so but fr does anyone have depression coping tools other than the basic "go outside" "talk to your friends" that don't seem to be working anymore
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#had a a decent couple years but these last few months I've been going through it#and when I was younger I used to only get depressed like this for a couple days or weeks at a time#and now it's like ... always#past couple months have been not good . I blame the sun and the living alone#neither of which I apparently have a say in#so I need tips tricks etc plsss#can't go on antidepressants bc I'm sure I don't qualify#and I'm still on my parents insurance and idk how to bring that up to them#and like I work outside and I try to see friend and talk to people#but even the normal distractions aren't being strong enough . grr#fucking suuuuuucks#kestrel calls#chitter chatter#undescribed
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progress: it only took me 4 phone calls to find a pharmacy with my adhd meds in stock this month
#kaylee.txt#mostly because i've been taking notes on the 30+ other phone calls ive made in the past few months#so i know which pharmacies are gonna be rude to me and which ones will actually try to help lmao
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FINALLY managed to make some progress on my wip thank GOD and all the saints in heaven for this christmas miracle
#it's kind of a funny story btw. life has been so hectic since the end of october i haven't really had time to write as such#only editing stuff that was already written and ready (the first two chapters of my fic that i posted)#but over the past few days i've gone back to reread the next parts and i've made some interesting discoveries#one of them being that i miscalculated and i don't in fact just have the 3rd chapter ready. i also have the 4th lmao#so that was a nice surprise#anyway. the other day after rereading the whole thing and making a couple of edits here and there i closed the doc and called it a day#that's what we call progress 🥰🥰🥰#(was procrastinating as a result of being irrationally afraid of writing again after two months)#but yeah long story short. i FINALLY got back to actually writing tonight#made some actual progress on the 5th chapter and i'm so proud of myself for that you have no idea lmao#we're SO back baby#writing stuff
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Am I just more insecure or more considerate or are people not at all ashamed anymore to draw attention to your physical attributes for no reason?
#I realized sadly like 'damn I really like this friend it's so nice how they never point out things about my body I'm sensitive about'#And then I realized that is so fucked up#Maybe it's just because I've been living with family and not at school#Like my mom knows my exact weight and the amount I lost due to the past few months of suffering at her hands#And I'm pretty sure you just had the thought oh well he LOST weight he doesn't have anything to complain about at all what a douche#But she keeps parroting the exact numbers randomly for no reason and to family and strangers#'he was at school for months not eating for some reason yeah he lost xxx.xx look he weighs xxx.xx now' talking to like. an ex teacher.#what is wrong with you#Also people just randomly like 'wow you have a lot of acne' or 'wow has your face always been that broke out??'#People I trust saying why do you have so much shoulder acne is that because of t that's weird lol#or like ew bro why do you have a thigh gap now I don't know bro probably the eating disorder you make fun of me#for and say is too stupid for anyone to have#You fucking jackass.#Why do you have a mole there is that a boy rhingt. ?? what??#Stop calling me a twink I have a FUCKING DISORDER.
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im back. and rusty. but im back, bitches`
#GOING TO TRY TO PUMP OUT RESPONSES TODAY. I'VE KEPT U ALL WAITING LONG ENOUGH#oh boy i've been THROUGH it these past months but i have a few days to myself and i'm trying to self care.#and barok van zieks... for me and despite himself being... himself... is self care#thank you runo. very cool! >> ooc.#the gods called. they told me to stop hornyposting >> tbd.
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me when i suddenly remember I can draw whatever i want and it is allowed to look imperfect !!!! and I'm allowed to use pose bases esp if I'm just drawing for fun !!!
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im trying to figure out a specific cartoony style I did in one drawing from a few months back, and then I've been wanting to do one of those heart hands poses for a long time so I found a pose base to try a quick sketch tonight just for funsies hehe
#i missed just drawing whatever fbfjdkl#its been so long since i just... let myself draw whatever fjdkdl#I've had a goal or some kind of rules in my head for every drawing session for the past month-ish#no wonder I've been feeling less and less inclined to draw fnfkdl goodness gracious I've been restricting myself too much#it'd be like telling someone to go have fun colouring a picture but theyre only allowed to use yellow or smth fjfkdl#like. okay. that can still be fun but it'd be MORE fun to be freeform and have all the colours !!!#drawing monochrome is fun for a challenge or exercise every now and then but not just to let off steam !!!#bwaahhh i re-learn this every few months and then end up forgetting it again sbdjskl silly silly smh#SIDE NOTE. DO Y'ALL RLY NOT SAY PENCIL CRAYONS IN THE USA ??#IS IT ONLY ''COLOURED PENCILS''??? or... i should say... colored pencils LMAO american spelling /lh#coloured pencils sounds so Proper and Fancy LOL#i wonder if canada got pencil crayons from french 🤔 bc in french pencils are called crayons!#i feel like some of the US probably says pencil crayons but everyone I've talked to says they either havent heard of it or nobody says it#VERY WEIRD LOL i had no idea until a friend asked me wtf i meant by pencil crayons fhfkdl#dandy.cmd#💜so good at being in trouble#doodlebug.png
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#financial cw#parent mention cw#not really a negativity post more like a funny post#so my parents have told me that i should always have six months' worth of savings at any time#and i've begun amassing an emergency fund#i created a new savings account for it#and every pay cycle i aotomatically transfer a set amount of $$ from my direct deposit checking account to my savings account#and my parents have been bullying me RELENTLESSLY (affectionate) about this for the past few months#not the emergency savings part#but the opening up a new account part and putting the $$ there#they say i should just keep it in my usual checking acct and not touch that $$$#they say that making a separate account is 'white people shit'#even though i like having my savings and my spending separate#they also make fun of me for calling it a 'rainy day fund'#which is also apparently white people stuff
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#damn today was weird#it was like 70 degrees#a friend had to put their cat i loved to sleep#our delivery man fell out of his truck in front of our store and we had to call an ambulance#but at least i got some writing done for one of my original short stories#i've been in such a funk for the past few months. i'd forgotten how fun it is#been thinking about starting to submit some stuff to literary journals tbh#if y'all know any good literary journals that pay for dark fiction and weird horror stories do let me know
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