#or are lesbians constantly questioning their lesbianness because they cant tell if they want to be him or if they are attracted to him

[kindoflikeliving]

the lesbian gaze? what does this circle mean

[locklylemybeloved]

i actually think we need to talk about how sexuality is fluid. people change, and they change constantly. part of that change is ur identity

i was aroace for years of my life. i never felt any attraction to people, i couldnt understand attraction, i didnt ever want to be with anyone. and i was comfortable with that.

but then one day (i cant really explain it or pinpoint it) i realized that oh i could be in a romantic relationship now. in this current moment, im biromantic (something i spent a while debating) and asexual.

but the problem was, i was so paranoid people wouldn’t believe me, or people would assume the period of my life that i was aroace was immaturity or a “mistake” that i didnt come out for a WHILE. i didnt want all of those people who told me “its just a phase” and “i hadnt found the right person yet” to be right

but heres the thing: even though i am no longer aroace, those people werent right. it wasnt “a phase.” that time i was aro wasnt a “phase.” i genuinely was aro, but because all things tend to be fluid, that changed. and another funny thing? i didnt “find the right person.” i didnt have an “awakening.” one day, i just knew. and thats totally okay.

it’s exhausting to constantly justify your sexuality to others. it’s exhausting to feel invalidated in your own identity. and i know for a fact that its not just me that experiences this.

i know someone who was a lesbian their entire life, and then they realized no they were actually a man. now they identify as a straight guy

anyways i guess this point of this is to tell people to accept fluidity and change in identity, and to let people who’ve gone through the same thing as I have know:

you aren’t alone, i’ve been there too. and i’m so sorry if you relate to the tiring state of mind of constant questioning. stay strong and remember that the way you see yourself is entirely for you. your identity is yours, and you get to define it.

[sannasruins]

blue haired girl

hado nejire x reader

warnings: growing apart, unrequited feelings, abandonment, non-descriptive self-harm, lesbians (the horror!)

a/n: there's a bit of time skipping in this, so i’ve labeled things as their verses in the songs and the years (1, 2, and 3A) + semesters of high school they took place in. is nejire adhd/autistic coded? i cant tell, maybe its because i see the way she is as my normal (adhd) that i cant tell. i'm basing her personality strongly off the wiki bc she really hasn't had that much air time.

word count: 2.9k

inspired by and based on tv girl's- blue hair

Verse 1 - First Semester 1A

You and Nejire met on your first day of high school, class 1A. Both of you had quirks that were more powerful than the rest of the girls in your class, assuming that the two of you thought that you were superior to them and were already looking down on them, they took initiative and distanced themselves from you at the start. This left the two of you with only two options, have no friends, be a lonely outcast for the foreseeable future, or become friends. Obviously, it was an easy choice, and it was nice that the two of you got along well, and probably would have become friends even if you weren’t put in that unfortunate social situation. 

She was a blunt girl, not really knowing when it was the appropriate time, if at all, to say something that she wanted to say. She often ended up saying things that were accidentally hurtful, though if you let her know, she would instantly feel remorseful and apologize incessantly. She wasn’t always sure how to make a joke, often her attempts falling flat, but she was bright, and cheery, and had so much knowledge that she longed to share. You couldn’t help but find yourself smiling at her as you listened to her ramble about the newest thing, she learned that week on national geographic. 

One day, in the middle of your first year, she asked you how to be funny. You were taken aback, and asked her back, “you think I’m funny?” She nodded with a small smile.

You contemplated on how you should respond to her difficultly abstract question, “I don’t think that’s something you can teach.” 

She looked down, her smile falling off her face sent a pang of guilt to your heart. You quickly tried to backtrack, “I think you’re funny though Hado! You’re constantly making me smile and laugh!”. Her eyes met yours, a furrow forming on her brow, you stammered on, “Maybe not everyone thinks you’re funny, but I think that’s true for everyone! You just got to find the people that do think you’re funny and like being around you… like me.” You held eye contact with her despite the bright flush that made its way to your cheeks, ask if you were trying to transfer your conviction over to her.  She brushed off your almost confession with a giggle and a change of topic.

Chorus 1- Second Semester 2A

As you both aged, Nejire started to get more notice than you. Not that you were jealous, you being too enamored with her to care, no, you were just happy that she was getting the recognition you thought she so obviously deserved. It did sting though, when she would turn down your invitations for afterschool dates poorly vailed by you as hangouts. She needed to train though, she would say, and dismiss you with a “next time, okay y/n?”

Sometimes as you left the school building on your way home you would take the long way, past the training fields to watch her for a little bit, training with two boys from your class. You wondered why she didn’t ask you to train with her, to help her. You would never ask though, far too afraid of the answer that seemed to be pulling at the hem of your shirt, demanding your attention. She’s just focusing on training, it’s not like she suddenly stopped liking you. It’s not like she wanted to stop being your friend. It’s not like she was purposely ignoring you. Right?

Verse 2- Third Semester 1A 

The two of you were sitting in a cafe after school, one that Nejire had shown you a picture of on Pinterest and said the two of you had to go for their cute specialty foods. You had gotten a parfait, the cream on top having been manipulated into the shape of a cat, Nejire got a jasmine tea latte, the art in the foam had her swooning and whipping out her phone to snap pictures of it in multiple angles as she told you about her Pinterest page’s aesthetic, you listened along, slightly confused at the idea of people posting on Pinterest like it was a social media but not questioning it. After she had taken enough pictures of both her and your orders, the two of you started on your treats, she took a long sip from her latte and when she placed it back down on the table, she had suddenly grown a distinguished mustache made of foam. It made you smile so hard your cheeks hurt, trying to keep your laugher a courteous volume to the other patrons was exceedingly difficult as she didn’t seem to notice her new facial accessory and was looking at you very confused. In spite of your shakes of laughter you managed to raise a shaky hand to point at your upper lip, signaling to her what you had found so funny. She raised a finger to her top lip, touching the foam and then pulled it back to see what was on her face. Realizing what she had done, her face blushed a warm pink as she quickly grabbed her napkin to wipe it away. You had finally calmed down and noticed that she had missed a little bit on the far edge.

“Nejire, you still have some,” you told her and pointed on yourself where it was on her, picked the napkin back up and scrubbed at her face, but on the wrong side.

“No, other side,” you specified. She again rubbed at her face with the now crumpled napkin but somehow still managed to miss the small smudge of foamed milk.

Not thinking, you rose and leaned across the table, before wiping the white away with your thumb. You sat back down, and without a thought in your head, licked it off of your thumb. 

You noticed her face flush, even more than before, now a hot red; you realized the suggestiveness of what you had just done, and at the same time, felt an explosion of butterflies manifest themselves into your gut. 

She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, looking down with a slight smile on her face, and you reddened. 

The two of you sat in silence for a while before she broke it.

“Do you think I’m pretty?”

You didn’t think before you responded.

“Yes.” You hesitated and then added on, “I think you’re really beautiful.”

The two of you fell back into silence.

The purgatory of not knowing how the two of you felt about each other was horrible, but the fear of rejection, not just of a confession but of you as a person, rejecting your identity, kept you in your place. 

There really was no winning.

Chorus 2- First Semester 3A

It hurt, seeing her every day, but not being able to talk to her about anything and everything in the way that you had grown used to. She was part of the big 3 now, she was revered by everyone now, she was strong and kind and smart and now they were all seeing what you had from the start. It was selfish of you, you knew, but you wish they hadn't noticed. 

She wasn’t being purposefully cruel in her withdrawal from you, she wasn’t doing it to be mean, she had just forgotten, she had just been stretched too thin and something had to go. It was still mean though, and it was still cruel.

You felt the loneliest now, so much so it was almost incomparable. Your days now spent in silence, and slowly falling into the motions. School, train, sleep, school, train, sleep, school, train, sleep. With nothing to break the monotony, life became dull, and you were sinking into a different kind of blue, not the blue of an eye like you did when you first saw Hado Nejire, but into the blue of the mind, getting darker, muddier, harder to see what’s in front of you. 

You became more reckless, not in retaliation but due to a slow building and concerning lack of self-preservation. Often throwing yourself into dangerous positions with villains, jumping solo into fights, you had no probability of winning alone, asking for more and more hours at your internship. It kept it at bay for a little while, the numbness, but as with most things, it did not last. You feared you were slowly but surely becoming a shell of your former self.

You needed something more, you needed to keep yourself feeling, needed to keep yourself human, needed to keep yourself. So, you resorted to means you probably shouldn’t have. Flame, blade, burns, blood. You knew it wasn’t healthy, but it was something. 

On an especially hot September day it was odd to see students wearing their long-sleeved winter uniforms, but not enough to raise many questions. One girl asked, “Aren’t you hot?”, but you brushed it off, explaining that you just ran cold. A bold-faced lie to anyone who knew you, but none of them did. 

As you were working on your lesson book, Hado Nejire walked past your desk on her way to the front of the room, glancing down at you, maybe out of habit, she got a glance of lines of damaged skin, some already faded, but many varying degrees of red. She faltered in her step, double taking, confused as to what she was seeing. Not wanting to cause a scene in class or be caught staring, she almost seamlessly continued walking, and if one hadn’t been watching her, they wouldn’t have noticed her split second reel.

She stopped you by the door after class, and when you tried to scoot by her, thinking she wasn’t aware she was in the doorway, she blocked its entirety with her body, staring you down. She grabbed you by the hand and led you to an unused stairwell as you stumbled behind her hastened pace. You didn’t notice it at the time, but she was especially careful when grabbing you, fearing that she would take hold somewhere that would cause you pain, fearing to reopen possible wounds.

 There was a furrow in your brow as you looked at her, wordlessly questioned why she had dragged you there. She turned your arm over, her hand still holding yours, and gently raised your crisp white sleeve, a gasp of dismay escaping her lips as her eyes raked over your battered arm. She dropped your hand only to quickly grab your other one, pulling the sleeve of that arm up too. You were watching her face as she grit her teeth at the sight, her eyebrows pushed into an expression you didn’t know, one you had never seen before even after all the years you had known her. Her head turned and her eyes met yours, weirdly, you thought, they were filled with tears. 

“Why?”

This pushed some button you did not know you had, and an unexpected, hot rage filled you. 

“What do you mean, Hado?” you did not spit her name, but she flinched as if it was filled with venom.

“Y/n…” she trailed off. You remained silent, seething. 

“This isn’t like you, why would you do this?” 

You didn’t answer her for a long time before sighing, “You wouldn’t know Hado, you haven’t spoke to me in well over 5 months.”

“I’m sorry, I-” her words almost a whimper, but you interrupted her. 

“Please, don’t. I don’t think I can stomach it Hado, I think, whatever you’re going to say next, will only make things worse.”

She clamped her mouth shut, her lips in a pale line, and nodded tearfully, before choking out an “okay”. 

Things didn’t change much after that, though she was more watchful of you, you could, at times, feel her eyes boring into you from across the classroom or training halls and fields, and you started feeling a little different, slowing down in your efforts to drive away the numbness, as the numbness seemed to seep away from you. Less and less, you found yourself feeling as if there was nowhere else to go with a knife in your grasp. 

You also no longer prayed that she would make time for you, disillusioning yourself, and realizing that she was not perfect, though feelings as strong as yours don’t just simply disappear due to disillusionment. 

Verse 3- Third Semester 3A

Her hair had been burnt off, now in a blunt bob, and what once had been marred and blistered skin was now just slightly tinged pink. It still hurt you to see though, quietly observing. She was different now, bolder, more self-assured, Maybe, you mused, something had been burnt off along with her hair. You were different now too though, you were better. You had sought counseling, speaking to the trusted hero you were interning under, and they helped you find and utilize resources to mitigate your mental health. You felt lighter, you were still lonely, but you were now a little bit more at peace with your solitude, and less afraid to put yourself out there, slowly becoming friends with the sidekicks at your internship who were just a couple years your senior. 

Chorus 3- After Graduation

Sometimes you would see her on TVs in coffee shops, or in ads in magazines, though if you looked you could find yourself too, maybe not as often, but still there. Both of you were making a name for yourselves in the hero world. 

You had started dating a pretty sidekick from your agency, she was one of the first people you had befriended when you started putting in the effort to get better, she had been there for you through many bad nights, and many more good ones. You really, truly loved her. And yes, sometimes you would miss your first love, but not in a way of current longing, but for a past. You would never leave your girlfriend though, even if you got the chance to go back, even if they told you everything would turn out the way you had begged and hoped and dreamt. Those were no longer your dreams. 

It was in line at a coffee shop that you ran into her. She looked nice, more mature, gracefully slipping into her early 20’s, face less youthful, but still bright with a smile. 

The two of you chatted as you waited for your orders to be taken, and continued afterwards, as you waited for them to be made. 

She was direct in her flirting, touching your arm, complementing you, laughing a little too much at things that weren’t that funny. You did not reciprocate. 5 years ago, if she had been doing what she was doing now, you would have been over the moon, indescribably happy, but now, you didn’t feel much of anything at all. You were flattered, maybe a bit annoyed, but the feelings were so watered down, so muted that you could barely describe them as anything. You were happy to talk to an old friend though. 

“We should hang out some time,” she told you after your orders had been picked up from the counter and the two of you started towards the front doors, “go on a little afterschool date like we used to.” She smiled and winked.

You politely smiled back at her and opened your mouth to reply, when your phone started going off, the ring tone you had affectionately assigned to your girlfriend, playing. 

“Oh, sorry it’s my girlfriend, let me answer real quick,” not waiting for a response from Nejire, you picked up the phone.

“Hey love, what’s up?” You inquired through the phone.

“Are you almost home yet?”

“Yeah, I just picked up your coffee from the coffee place two blocks down.”

“Oh yay! Thank you baby, see you soon, I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

You ended the call and turned towards Nejire apologetically, “Sorry about that!”

You exited the shop, Nejire holding the door open for you, and stood next to her on the sidewalk, close to the building and out of the way. 

“Oh!” you realized you hadn’t answered her question yet, “yeah, it would be nice to hang out and catch up.” This time, hangout had no hidden meanings or crossed fingers. It was purely platonic. “I miss you,” she confessed. Your eyebrows shot up in surprise, you were really never expecting her to say that. 

“I guess things ended up differently, not the way I wanted I mean.” she clarified. “It’s hard seeing you in the news, or in my fashion magazines, but not being able to see you in person anymore. I just… miss you a lot y/n, even though you’ve not gone anywhere.”

You hmm and nod, “you’re right, I haven’t gone anywhere. That was you, Hado Nejire. I’m proud of you, you're becoming a great hero.” You smiled at her softly. She stood, unmoving, looking at you, maybe waiting for something more, but you were no longer the person who would be able to provide that.

“Well, I need to get going before all this ice melts,” you shook the iced coffee in your hands, “or my girlfriend will have my head.”

“Oh, uh, okay” she stammered. 

“Message me! My numbers still the same, if you still have it. You could meet my girlfriend too, I think you’d like her, she’s amazing.”

Nejire nodded, watching your figure as you walked away, bitter jealousy and remorse making their home in her sour stomach.

Hi! I know it may seem like I am romanticizing self-harm in this but I promise I am not. As it is something I have struggled with for many years I am just reflecting my own struggles and thoughts, and trying to represent a mental illness as what it is. That doesn't mean it is something you should do, and if you struggle with it and are tempted after reading, here are some healthier alternatives. Please do not hurt yourselves, lovelies.

[seven-stars-in-his-palm]

okay but hold me like you scared to sounds so good already (they all sound so good tbh but this one piqued my interest lol) what's it about? and for the fanfic questions 32, 50 and J :))

@frappe-the-peppermint WE GOT ONE 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 ahem oh wow who said that. anyway ill do the questions first then get into fic discussion…

32) Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band or genre of music does it for you?

i listen to SO MUCH MUSIC!!!!! it depends on what im wrting tbh but i just queue up a bunch of songs in my liked playlist and write and write until it ends or im no longer on that flow. and well my music taste is an absolute mess so there isnt any one definitive band or genre that does it for me (i only pay attention Sometimes) but i suppose artists like mitski and queen would be a decent summary of my taste 😅

50) How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction?

gravity falls, no stop. the first one that ever piqued my interest was versability (originally on ff.net me thinks) and god damn it HOOKED ME!!!! gravity falls was already getting me up but wow that just got me SO MUCH HIGHER. i have a few authors i started binge reading like thesnadger and pinesinthewoods, i started extracting fics from reccs from tumblr artists, soon discovered ao3, and never looked back. and as for writing fic,,,,, well frankly it was the search for the cure’s original form that got me GOING!!!! it originally had crappy ocs as the forefronters but i soon changed that lmao (im definitely not saying theyre bad in general, just those… no) and i wrote So Much For It on my notes app. i didnt realize i culd actually show people until way later, in which i did, and realized that it could actually be better. thats why i reversed back to part one, made the story a part two, scapped the ocs, and…now we’re here. i still love it and gravity falls, i dont really show it here anymore. i really should, man. i need to write for them again!!!! it still excites me!!!! and the prose that im weaving now,,,, id DEMOLISH THE GAME!!!!!!! :)

J) what your favorite fanfic trope? have you written it?

honestly i think just showing you my favorted ao3 tags will paint a very detailed picture. here:

though i suppose if i had to pick one here…god its between time loop and presumed dead (and grief/moruning but idk if thats a trope so much as it is a theme). MMMMMMMM. mmmmm. just YES. the psychological affects of both being a time loop and thinking someone you love is dead but they arent actually are DELICIOUS!!!!!!!!!! they are a MUST HAVE. i daydream constantly, but i havent written time loop yet because while i love it, i havent hadthe motive to write such a thing myself. reading is chill ✊ and presumed dead well i try to throw it is as much as i can, the most recent ive used being a west end town and my favorite being that one kid from jersey ! i need to do more of these fr. its just so GOOD!!!!!!

okay. its finally time for the brainwashing discussing of the fic ! i can tell you alllll about that story and it will be my pleasure sonny 🫡 its a very long story. but short verison in case you dont want to go on: its a Titanic epic . april 1912. iceberg. ive read a few that are AMAZING, but i wanted to write one that catered it allll to Me. it has lesbians, heaven sucking ass, flood parallels, and a king of the world AND draw me like one of your french girls scene. very nice 🔥

okay now its time for the long story. so a super super long time ago for a post i cant even remember (i really wanna find it 😭😭) i for someone reason went on a tangent about the titanic. i had just read this fic called sinking into the sea which was tbh VERY GOOD (and i would read it again fr fr ) but at the time, i was kinda bummed that aziraphale and crowley never actually Interacted when i had expected. aziraphale didnt even know crowley was there!!! it left me feeling melancholy, and realizing that all of the titanic fics ive ate up to that point didnt HIT hit the spot (i didnt find this after this realization, but again, theyre not even on the boat 🤧) so i was feeling a bit incomplete. i started ranting and ranting it was a wholeee wall of a text of what I would do with a titanic story and i realized oh wait i can Do Something with this because i haev free will and actual (somewhat) coherent skill. pepper jumped on the wagon, REALLY REALLY encouraged which i cant thank enough for, and….we’re here. its brewing. i had a very large interest in the titanic for a long time before this tbh, so being able to insert it into The Interest just JUMPSTARTED my brain and it still does to this day. now for the plot….

its 2020, a year after the apocalypse (no pandemic). anathema, newt, brian, crowley, and aziraphale have been assigned to plan adam’s 12th birthday party—they shenanigan, as you do. on the day of the party (adam’s birthday) anathema and newt find a chest in jasmine cottage’s attic full of titanic relics, including a pack of polaroid photos (handheld cameras did indeed exist in 1912, i checked !) which kinda might sort of have a photo of aziraphale and crowley!?!?! it was sent to them about six months before. but after the whole Second Volume fiasco, anathema just sort of wrote it off in that way and Hid It. but newt was curious, he found it, and god it was writtent his way wasnt it. (well, not by the nutter they were thinking of actually). anathema confronts them about itsoon after, and they all sit down to hear the story of the titanic in a sort of rose dawson beat. then its 1912—50ish years since the holy water incident and almost a century since the resurrectionists disaster. aziraphale has been assigned to take this trip to new york for Some Reason (we found out why later) and happened to invite crowley to come along to attempt to make amends after Allat (he really does feel bad, but he will NOT do the holy water thing yet </3) shit occurs, but history atlarge will not be rewritten. it does change their story, though. adding a sprinkle of interest in the device family line. agnes prophec(y)(ies), dancing on deck under the stars, playing cards with humans and winning by a Lot, aziraphale’s artistic skills are put to use at one point—ughghgufhits just so DEAR TO ME!!!!! and of course the conflict will come later, especially considering the religious connections to the titanic sinking—“not even God can sink this ship” type conversation 🥰 aziraphale can and will be made uncomfortable. its for the character development dont worry about it. i even have a playlist for this fic (it sorted by the way the tone shifts thru the story, some songs are silly but they had to stay). pep has also made some song covers to some of the songs that ive heavily connected to the fic and I REALLY FUCKING LIKED. LIKE A LOT. THEYRE AMAZING YOU SHOULD LISTEN IF YOU WANT TO!!!!

the point of all this is that i like titanic fics and im trying to throw my hat in the ring even if its just for me and my friend 🔥🔥 because while others have fed me, i havent seen ones that have documented like Every Single Day on the titanic that aziraphale and crowley would theoretically have as well as developing aziraphale and crowley’s relationship while taking into account whats happened before (insert the story into a part of the timeline seamlessly i think thats how i’d describe) AS WELL AS connecting the reason why the titanic was such a freak tragedy and how the world is not fucking fair instead of just “oh whoops the thing sank 😞” i want NITTY GRITTY DETAIL!!!!!! I WANT GUILT!!!!!!! I WANT CHAOS!!!!!!!! I WANT TALKING ABOUT GOD!!!!!!! I WANT AZIRAPHALE IN A MENTAL CRISIS!!!!! I WANT CROWLEY JUST WANTING TO FUCKING LIVE FUCKING PEACEFULLY!!!!!!! I WANT LESBIANS!!!!!! i need to get on this,,,, so much to do. i love it all and TY FOR THE ASK!!!!

[kanmom51]

Hello! i know this is old but just wanted to talk about hickey gate. I know this has been discussed already multiple times, but I still can't understand one thing..

What was the thought process of BH ??? what did they hope to achieve by releasing that video??? What was the reason???

They knew the impact it would have, they knew people would talk about it, they knew how risky it was..i mean it made a lot of noise on the k-side.. yet they still released it?

Just why? were they testing waters? is this way for them to kinda prepare the audience by constantly releasing more and more sus moments? And if it continues like this, if we get more extremely suspicious moments, just how long until media really start questioning the nature of their relationship?

See this kind of thing is the reason why I don't believe they want to stay hidden? I personally don't expect anything from them, it's their private life after all, but i don't really agree with some of you thinking they'll stay in their glass closet forever (but i totally respect your opinions!!) it's just that for me, it's kind of contradicting? If they wanted to, they would never be as loud as they are. And the fact that it intensifies each year.. I mean we tend to think they are doing a great job at hiding behind skinship/fanservice and so on but honestly... look at the number of times they have slipped up already.. moments that have absolutely no reasonable explainations. More and more people are noticing, even antis. The mere fact that they go out of their ways to justify jikook's actions just proves they obviously know something fishy is going on. They just choose to not believe it because they're afraid.

Plus, realistically speaking, even in the far future, BTS will always be in the spotlight. People will speculate about their private life forever. There's no escaping. I don't think they will want to hide forever, it's way too much hassle. It entails too much sacrifices. I'm saying this not only for jikook but also for the other boys if ever they have partners. And the boys' recent behavior has shown me that they are starting to get more and more comfortable with their actions. it's giving me "idgaf anymore about what people will think"

what do you think?

Your ask anon, it is old news, and something I have talked about in the past.

BUT...

I've just been watching the cutest show ever, called Heartstopper on Netflix, based on a webtoon story.

A love story in the making between two teenage boys in an all boy school in England.

The reason I bring this up is because in episode 3 Nick, one of the two boys, the one that is struggling with his sexuality, talks to a girl at a party, someone he's pushed at by his friends, someone he kissed when he was 13, and she tells him she is in a relationship with another girl, that she is a lesbian. She tells him they are mostly keeping it quiet. Nick asks her "so why are you telling me?", and her answer, that hit me, because that was Jikook in an essence over the past 4 years, more so in the past couple of years.

THAT !!!

Just that.

Feels to me like a word to word conversation JM and JK had.

I have written about this push and pull over the years many times, and here are a couple of past posts (you can find more in my masterlist):

As for wanting to stay in their glass closet or not, well, I don't think that wanting to be able to be themselves and not hide contradicts with not wanting to make the formal announcement. What we've seen over the past couple or even 3 years is that no matter how obvious they are, including an ear sucking and a confirmed hickey, people just don't want to see it. They don't want to see what's obviously there. And at the moment that is the best course of action for them. They keep pushing the line further and further, allowing them to be themselves with each other (almost totally), all while not spelling it out (something that would have clear repercussions on them, their careers, the band and their friends and family).

You are right that people are seeing, but they are so blinded by their homophobia that they find every single illogical reason why it's not what it actually looks like, lol.

As for what the future holds, who knows.

Will they officially 'come out'? That would be huge, not only for the LGBTQ+ community in SK, but also worldwide. But it will also effect them, and I don't know if they are ready to pay the price. They could live their lives and whoever will know or speculate will do just that. They most probably wouldn't be outed in SK, because that's something that just isn't done there. It's when they are overseas that they will have to be more careful. And the more they stretch the boundaries and continue to fly under the radar, well they can continue to act the way they are at the moment and no one will be the wiser (well, except for those that love and support them anyway).

[novelvoid]

Okay so....

I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I have finally realized why I don’t like Cal. I always thought it was because he was very traditionally masculine and as someone who is very feminine and is a lesbian I never understood that but I realized today while explaining Cal’s story to my friends its because he never *once* chooses to do the right thing. The right and moral choice is constantly shoved in his face and he just has to accept it.

He doesn’t side with the scarlet guard. He turned in Mare and Maven knowing that at least Mare would be executed and we never get to see if he would fight back against his father if it meant saving (at least) Maven’s life. Elara interjects and forces Cal to instead kill his father. Taking away his autonomy in the situation. We never get to know if he would have let Maven who was guilty of only a little murder (instead of the lot of murder and betrayal later on)

When he stays with the scarlet guard at the end of red queen it is out of necessity because he has nowhere else to go. He is a fugitive and has no one on his side. He isn’t given the option of siding with the guard at first, and honestly it isn't hinted that he would have taken it. He is locked up and must escape later.

When given the choice between the throne of Norta and siding with the scarlet guard he chooses the throne. Even though he promised Mare he wouldn't, even though these people saved him multiple times and became his comrades, even though he “believes in their cause” he just cant say no to his grandmother and let down his father. He has to take the throne because he while he believes red bloods are people and deserve rights he doesn’t believe the Scarlet Guard is capable enough to handle any challenges that come with running a country. He doesn’t believe in Montfort’s support either.

When he finally does chose to give up the throne it is because the war is already over. It had been won. Maven is no longer in power and soon to be dead. The fight isn’t in his favor and he can’t disappoint his mother.

When he and Mare split at the end of kings cage its on her terms. She says they cant be together because of what Maven did, he doesn’t get to decide that either. He doesn’t fight to keep her (in that book) or decide for himself that he needs a break. Mare needs a break and she decides he does too. and while I cant 100% remember he tells her he will wait for her to be ready? Instead of working on himself and handling the traumafest that had been the last year for him.

When he chose to have Maven executed its not because its whats best, its not him making a hard decision of knowingly giving up the brother he loves and cares for. Its because MAVEN decides for him. Maven decides that Cal cant afford not to kill him and so he makes it as easy as possible. Cal doesn’t get to know that at the end Maven wanted him to be happy with his decision. Cal doesn't get to know Maven was still there somewhere and he doesn’t get to go against the scarlet guard and Montfort and everyone. THAT IMPORTANT GAME ENDING MOMENT IS DECIDED BY MAVEN.

I haven’t read any part of Broken Throne except the Farewell so i cant say if that changes in that book. but if it did it was about 4 books too late. Cal has no autonomy and the only choice I can think of that he made all by himself was kissing Mare in that first book. And that was a questionable choice at best given we were lead to believe that Maven was a good person who cared for both of their best interests. I just... don't understand.... why he’s written like this. if you’re a Cal fan feel free to let me know why and i will try to take that into account but i just don't get it.

(If this shows up in the Cal tag I’m so sorry i promise i didn't intentionally shove Cal hate in your face but i am not censoring his name. I didn't even add his last name anywhere just in case)

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

That repost on blind obedience is offence. It was never child abuse to me. I grew up on blind obedience and it did me good, parents always have the best interest. And I was never called stupid for not knowing something. But of course I cant say anything like that because that post is specifically for those who have endured child abuse. That's BS. I am sure there are many more like me that have preferred parental guidance than doing shit on their own

i'm sorry, hon, but i do not agree. parents are not infallible, and their job is not to raise someone who blindly obeys, their job is to raise a whole, healthy human being, and part of doing that is teaching a child to think for themselves.

that doesn't mean children should be allowed to disobey anytime they feel like it, but the reason that children are meant to obey their parents is because children are too young to understand why certain things are important, or why certain things are dangerous. when parents instruct their children to eat their vegetables and not to touch a hot stove, it's not for the sake of obedience but for the sake of keeping them healthy.

when i was a kid, i constantly asked my mom questions, and i'm extremely grateful that she always answered me to the best of her ability. she never told me "because i said so" and i think i'm a smarter, better adult for not being taught to follow authority no matter what. she understood that i was a small person, not a thing to be ordered around.

maybe your parents really did always have your best interests, but no parents are perfect. and even parents who are loving and supportive often don't KNOW your best interests. parents might genuinely believe that it's in their daughter's best interests to marry a good man, but that daughter is a lesbian and becomes miserable as her parents try to set her up with men and won't listen when she tells them what she really needs. parents might believe that "being normal" is in their autistic child's best interests, so they send them to abusive therapy that traumatizes the child so severely they're never the same.

you can respect your parents without blindly obeying them in all things. as you grow up, you have to learn how to balance respecting your parents with thinking for yourself and realizing that your parents are just humans, and even when they're doing their best sometimes they fuck it up. you can love them and still choose to disobey.

i'm going to say it again: raising children is not about instilling obedience. it is about taking care of small humans and teaching them how to be humans until they're big enough to take care of themselves.

you should be explaining to children how and why the world works, not forcing them to do whatever you want. you should say, "don't touch the stove because it will hurt you" and "eat your vegetables because your body needs their nutrients". you teach them why. you teach them to ask questions, and you answer their questions. and as they grow up, you give them the freedom to disagree with you and make their own choices.

i have no idea whether or not i would say your parents abused you without more information, but i do think they did the wrong thing in teaching you blind obedience. i don't think that that was what's best for you as a human. but that doesn't mean they didn't love you or that you shouldn't love them. i just believe that society needs to change how it views and treats children, because the goal should not be "obedient children" but rather "functional adults".

if you disagree with me, that's fine. but i do think that you should teach yourself to question authority, especially authority that demands blind obedience.

[tomatograter]

Could I ask for your thoughts on Rose and her connections to the other kids? I think that Rose is one character that many people just boil down to "goth alcoholic lesbian" and it bugs me a lot, so I would like to see a different and nuanced analysis on her.

I've gone back and forth in answering this (or rather HOW to answer this) for a long while. I think Rose is one of the most crucial characters for Homestuck as a narrative, and she's incidentally always been one of my favorites. What i mean by this is that explaining rose is hard, in the way that 'summarizing every other HS subplot' is hard. Objectively, I can’t tell you why rose is good, much in the same way i can’t force you to like pineapple on pizza, but i can try to explain why *i* like rose.

So I'll try to start with a statement: Rose is a difficult little girl. She’s not sweet or compliant or naturally inclined to be motherly or comforting or even KIND, broadly speaking. She’s a cynic, a hater, and a proto-intellectual who wants to feel like she has already figured out everything that has to be ‘figured’ about the world. (Spoiler alert, the conclusion is “it sucks. Blow it to bits.”)

The things that upset her the most are the things she doesn’t know or cannot make sense of. Why does her mother act in such erratic ways? Why does she constantly debase herself in shameful displays of negligent rationality and responsibility? Is it all a game to her? Is this how all adults are, messy and unkempt and deranged? (According to Freud, whose’s name is certainly mentioned enough by Fellow Online TruthSeekers Of The Human Psyche to be considered the utmost authority in just about everything there is to know, no questions asked, the response is “i guess?”) What the fuck even happened to her cat, anyway? Anybody got a baseline 101 on mortality? Does anyone know what the fuck is going on, ever? Is humanity fated to an automated cycle of dull incompetence??????

Rose hoards and utilizes even the most esoteric forms of knowledge as her shield, sword, and building blocks against the fog of uncertainty most people describe as ‘reality’. To truly know something is to rob it of its power and make it your own, ensuring you are not only safe, but impervious to any harm it could possibly cause. Her ambition and defiance set her apart even from the other betas, who wanted to follow the rules and invest in teamwork. Where jade is whimsical and vaguely helpful in a informative tutorial pixie-like way, rose’s advice is delivered via sarcastic remarks and looking for cheats by conversing with the devil. She antagonizes the patronizing questline she's been given in favor of ripping SBURB a new one. Rose is firstly concerned with improving herself, and then maybe sort of (kind of, nothing is settled on stone, what happens, happens) pass it onto her own if they REALLY cant figure it out. There’s a sense that she would sacrifice just about anything to granted the ultimate form of knowledge, the appropriate response and middle-finger to anything, and she hungers for it, which proves to be a little self-destructive. 

Except as much as she wants to put up a veneer of detached, individualistic intellectualism, she still cares far too much for the simplest human accomplishments. She cares for her friends. She envies the lives they've led, and they sound so intriguing when compared to her sterile routine. Her pet cat was once her biggest companion and source of comfort, and finding him dead crushes her. She legitimately would've liked to have a good relationship with her mom, which as we all know ends up more or less the same way. (I tend to disagree with most people who treat rose's living situation as 'pretty good/dramaticized', having a guardian who's almost never sober isn't a comedic or easy experience.) Her quest is borne out of insecurity, uncertainty, and stubbornly trying to prove herself right. Because somebody has to be.

Her faults are just as interesting to me as her qualities, for all the 'mean goth lesbian' talk the way she misses her mother and tries to reverse-engineer a connection with her beyond the grave by dabbling with the same poisons is incredibly compelling, and speaks to a side of rose's many people take for granted: she doesn't have all the answers. She's improvising. She's, like, 15 years old and trying so hard to come off as a badass but she can barely contain her wondering babble long enough to show up for an important date in time. Even in her self-sabotage rose is earnest.

This isn't the sort of narrative you usually see applied to women in fiction, or even when it IS applied, it is only to admonish their efforts and promptly slot them into a love-interest shaped hole. (Because yeah, rose being a lesbian and not falling for any of the assumed important guys does matter very much actually.) Even her turn to grimdarkness pulls from tropes reserved to epic gritty brooding male heroes- avenging her family, wrecking anything and everything in her path, Frank Castle Punisher style. I like rose because she's like matilda, if matilda went wretched sick at age 11 and took the first chance she saw to pierce an ogre through the eyes and ride its corpulent cadaver down a waterfall. She's an unrepentant monstress, cloaking herself in mythos that justify the existence of the unknowable and unjustifiable when rationality predictably falls short of truth, and a snooty little know-it-all who wants to create something so raw and important people will have no choice but know her name, and most importantly, she gets away with it. 

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

Hi, same anon from before (i would have replied in the og post but i dont want people insulting me on my blog, sorry). I have been reflecting for a long time actually and i know that my thoughts are wrong. The sad thing is that I didn’t use to think this way. Ironically this started after i started questioning my own gender identity and im mad because if i was not going to be 100% cis then *at least* i could be a trans man. I hate this stupid middle ground that im stuck with (which funny enough, is similar to my experience with bisexuality since i’m “mostly straight” or heteroflexible).

I dont think by any means that trans men are “confused lesbians” or anything of the sort. I didn’t want you or anyone else reading this think that I believe that bullshit. Trans men are men and im jealous of them for being men, as in that way they’re able to escape misogyny and lots of other benefits. Im angry because they were born with the same genetic configuration as i was and yet they get some of the benefits that cis men are born with. And yes, i resent men in general but I don’t believe they’re evil and I DEFINITELY know that women are not saints. I have tried to get away from these sort of posts, but yeah on twitter women i know (former highschool classmates) are constantly sharing stories of rape, murder and abuse perpetuated by men against women. They don’t directly say “men are evil” but they do perpetruate fear of men and in this pandemic that has really affected me (it didnt use to before)

Whenever i bring this to my therapist she tells me to think of something else which is a temporal solution but it doesnt help my problem. I don’t think she understands but also i cant change therapist.

I hope i could have made myself more clear in this :( i dont wanto be a bad person

And no, unfortunately im not transmasc. Im comfortable in my body as it is (whenever i dont think that because for what i look like im more likely to get r*ped)

Honey, I don't know how to say this without sounding like I am telling you what your gender is. Of course that's up to you. But you have just found so many ways of saying that ~unfortunately you are not transmasc~ that I can't help but get the feeling that... maybe... you are?! You know... me as a cis woman, I don't feel sad about not being a man. I don't envy men for their gender, I don't envy trans men for """escaping womanhood and misogyny""". Which, as Tiger pointed out in their reblog, isn't even true - transmascs are also often subjected and targeted to misogyny because transphobes are misgendering them as they please.

I also think you are soaking up way too many things about sexual assault, if that's so present on your mind. That's not healthy. Yes, rape is something that happens in this world and we should talk about it and try to prevent it. But a) rape is never the victim's fault and no matter what someone's identity is that doesn't make it any better or worse. and b) if this topic upsets you so much that you are literally worrying about it all the time then maybe take some time off. Log off twitter for a while, use a blacklist to filter out the topics that upset you so much. It is not healthy for anyone to constantly worry about how "likely" it is that you will get raped. I don't know if you have experiences any sexual trauma but whether you did or not - if this makes you so anxious then maybe that's also something you need to deal with. And if your therapist isn't helping you then maybe you need to find a new one (one who is also specialised in queer and gender things, if this one isn't?)

It's another aspect of radical feminism to paint a """universal female experience""" that consists of suffering and inherent victimhood and I feel like you are somehow paddling in that stream as well. The thing is that for many woman, myself included, this is totally unrelatable. Yes, misogyny is a thing that exists and it affects different people in different ways. But it's not on my mind 24/7. The fear of being raped isn't on my radar at all, unless I find myself in a situation where someone is actually harrassing me. I don't feel shackled by my existence as a woman when I just live my life and I certainly don't experience my statistical likelyhood of being sexually assaulted as an inherent part of my gender. That is all to say that: what you are experiencing and what you are attributing to your (apparent) connection to womanhood is NOT a universal experience and you can break out of that. You are not doomed to view womanhood that way because this is a narrative - one of many - and you can choose to rewrite it to your own liking.

Whether you come out of that as a non-binary person who may or may not be woman-aligned. Whether you realise you actually are transmasc or maybe """just""" a gnc cis woman.... that doesn't really matter at this point in my opinion. Because you have so much negativity associated to literally any gender option that I think you gotta try to clean the slate and rebuild a more positive or at least neutral look on things.

"yes, i resent men in general but I don’t believe they’re evil" is not a healthy or even at all reasonable way to think. Why resent men in general? What justifies that? If you on principle despise half of the human population then this has got to take a toll on your mental health so please try to figure out a way to dismantle what makes you think like that and learn to think more critically about blanket-statements that are being made about men (or any gender).

Maddie

[save-the-spiral]

PLS PLS LIST THE SWAPS!! TELL ME ABOUT THE SIBLINGS AND ALSO HIFUMI BECAUSE I LOVE HIM (IF YOU WANT!) I will also send more questions in the morning too, excited to see what you’ve been working on!!

OK OK OK !!!!! AHH! So, before assigning talents, I swapped the pools, so for the first game, I use the talents from the second game, and vis versa! For some i listed gender, sexuality, or neurodivergencies, though this isn’t all of them, and I haven’t developed them all to the same level!

This is SO long. I didn’t even bother mentioning things like my plans for the killing games. (I have DR1 planned out in full, but only parts of DR2 and the v3 anime)

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK MY HEART SKIPPED A BEAT IN HAPPINESS WHEN I SAW I HAD NEW ASK NOTIFS!!

LIST:

Trigger Happy Havoc (first game)

Kyoko Kirigiri- Ultimate Luckster- Mastermind (: Sometimes lesbians can be evil okay! was trained as a detective like everyone in her family and didn’t get the ultimate :) she’s definitely not mad about that :) her luck cycle depends on how far she plans things ahead. her good luck is when she’s spontaneous! She hates when ‘normal’ people are accepted by ultimates.

Makoto Naegi- Photographer (Mostly wildlife and nature photography, with Sayaka helping him for some animal photography (: trans and bi <3 One of sayaka’s birds nests in his hair like all the time)

Kiyotaka Ishimaru- Ultimate Swordsman (AUTISTIC ICON, has trained in kendo since he was a kid, then was essentially given away to the Fujisaki clan by his very stressed dad. Semiverbal, rarely speaks.)

Chihiro Fujisaki- Ultimate Yakuza (Taka is her bodyguard! His family is in debt to hers, the Fujisaki clan is the most powerful in Japan. trans icon, of course, dates Sayaka! Very direct, though she’s far more delicate and polite when talking to taka, her best friend)

Sakura Oogami- Ultimate Nurse (Works as an EMT- her clan still is in martial arts, so she’s still very buff, she assists in injuries at the family dojo. Autistic Icon)

Asahina Aoi- Ultimate Gamer (ULTIMATE ADHD. streams and has a ton of fun, will ramble while breaking records, demigirl who loves her girlfriend sakura :)

Mukuro Ikusaba- Ultimate Chef (Works best with ‘cheap’ food, and making them taste good. a byproduct of growing up on the streets with junko, and junko being bored of the same old food they dug out of the trash. now works closely with junko for her teams’ nutritional needs! autistic and sapphic.)

Junko Enoshima- Ultimate Team Manager (there are SO many sports she can never get bored, and the professional scene is always changing! prefers coaching womens’ teams, because being an ultimate brings them more publicity and usually higher pay :)

Mondo Oowada- Ultimate Prince (OH MY BOY. trans adhd icon. now the crown prince of Novoselic, with a reagent in his place until he comes of age. His service dog Chuck is a maltese and an absolute sweetheart. Chihiro takes him under her wing to teach leadership. also dates taka later OF COURSE, though they’re poly and I may add more ppl to their relationship later.)

Celestia Ludenburg- Ultimate Musician (specializes in violin, most strings, though she can play any instrument. grew up poor, dedicated herself to an instrument and persona to cope)

Byakuya Togami- Ultimate Musician (Yep. two musicians. two catty trans gay icons about to throw down. they HATE each other and grew up as rivals. specialize in classical, they literally tore a professional orchestra full of grown adults apart trying to make them side with who was the best musician. they’re so good that they’re matched, and Hope’s Peak accepts them as one student and combined ultimate. they room together. they fight. Literally if one of them gets expelled, the other does too, so they’re STUCK. eventually they become literally inseparable and insufferable together like the WORST siblings. I love them.)

Sayaka Maizono- Breeder (animal handler) (Specializes in birds!!!!!! has songbirds on her shoulders all the time. will give unsettling animal facts without realizing they’re unsettling. sends her songbirds to serenade chihiro when they start dating <3)

Yasuhiro Hagakure- Gymnast (you see this tall goof who acts like an older brother to everyone and wonder HOW he’s a gymnast. he’s completely different in competitions, though still lighthearted. becomes a big brother figure to mukuro and junko especially <3 also trans bc i say so.)

Leon Kuwata- Traditional Dancer (he just. kinda hates it. it takes SO much work and effort but he takes to it naturally. his cousin kanon is NOT like in canon, instead she’s helpful. he’d literally rather be doing anything else. doesn’t know how to do anything like... basic either. can’t cook. cant do his own laundry. everything was dedicated to traditional japanese dancing before he attended HPA.)

Toko Fukawa- Engineer (writes schematics and is very good at it. gets VERY upset when her plans go wrong. her notes are orderly and perfect. host for their system!)

Syo- Mechanic (a factive of genocider syo, NOT an actual killer. she’s a protector mainly, and also is more adept at hands on skills when it comes to fixing things, her hands are less shaky. Her notes are a disaster and she does it to spite Toko.)

Hifumi Yamada- (???) (reserve course) Protagonist! My BOY. HIFUMI IS GOOD OKAY. He’s autistic and loves anime and gaming! he’s not particularly ultimate-leveled at them, or anything else! Attending Hope’s Peak as a reserve course student! At one point he joins the student council as a reserve course representative even if he’s only a freshman :) He’s also a moderator in Hina’s livestream chat, under the username of JusticeHammer, fastest ban hammer this side of the internet. He's internet friends with hina and sakura, and doesn’t realize Oh We Go To the same SCHOOL until he bumps into them. and realizes hina doesnt know what he looks like. but sakura does. its hilarious. he’s aroace, and during the year they’re locked in HPA, is in a queer platonic partnership with Hina and Sakura, while they’re dating each other. it’s great.)

Goodbye Despair! (second game)

Peko Pekoyama- Lucky student (ohohoh. her luck relies on her conviction. if she has doubts her bad luck strikes HARD. trans!, was taken in by Fuyuhiko’s family when she was a baby, grew up as just another kid in the family. They all expected Fuyu to go off to HPA on his own and then BOOM acceptance letter)

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu- Programmer (He. gets so angry while coding. He has an array of rubber ducks to talk to and work through his coding issues with. trans of course. Very protective of Peko when people say she doesn’t have a ‘real’ ultimate. ADHD and Autistic)

Sonia Nevermind- Writer (Literary Girl) (Her family immigrated to Japan when she was young! She writes a lot of serial killer novels, murder mysteries and horror and all that! Trans and bi :)

Gundham Tanaka- Detective (YEAH my guy is a detective. still talks Like That. Trans and bi and he and Sonia were kinda-dating (t4t autistic power couple in the making) when things started happening. He spends some time with his cool older sister who he looks up to a LOT. He and Sonia talk through things together a lot, they both have those red string walls, one for murder cases, another for a fictional plot lmao.)

Mahiru Koizumi- Moral Compass (my GIRL. autistic. Her morals rely a lot on people taking responsibility and being reliable, and she ends up having to work through some biases she didn’t realize she had when she arrived at HPA. Is still protective of Hiyoko, though that protectiveness is spread a bit thinner to extend to the rest of the class.)

Hiyoko Saionji- Clairvoyant!!! (HI YES I COULD TALK ABOUT HER FOR DAYS. Has actual visions in dreams and when she suddenly faints, but doesn’t really realize they’re uhh Real Visions for a WHILE. uses her status as an ultimate clairvoyant to trick and bully kids when in school for a LONG time, though her homelife wasn’t great with her grandmother trying to find ways to make her visions more consistent. SHES ALSO 12 WHEN SHE JOINS THE 77TH CLASS. she’s just so advanced in academics and her ultimate is so interesting hope’s peak cant HELP but scout her early. she has SO many issues guys no one appreciates hiyoko enough, autistic gifted kid hiyoko my beloved.)

Akane Owari- Gambler (started gambling to help out her family and Got Good at it. is very very conscious of money and food like all the time. Runs the hope’s peak betting pools once she arrives. these ultimates bet on a lot of things. she ALWAYS wins. until she doesnt!!!)

Mikan Tsumiki- Martial Artist (ohhhh Mikan. Still anxious and clumsy (though not like THAT in canon) and literally no one looks at her and thinks Oh The ULTIMATE martial artist?? it isn’t until you see her in the ring that you understand. She started learning self defense as a kid because her (bad) parents essentially said she had to rely on and protect herself and no one else would help.)

Kazuichi Souda- Pop Idol (OH TRANS ICON? he’s nervous and paranoid about Everything still, though now it’s like. oh the entire world is always watching my every move this is Okay (: has the brightest neon album eras. he literally keeps up a like. weird chad persona when interacting with people because he’s masking how hard he’s constantly just internally screaming.)

Nagito Komaeda- Soldier (AHAHAH my mans got issues problems disorder he’s a messssss, this trans guy, this absolute gay. this boy leveled a city of thousands of people with his own hands and some bombs. Still has medical issues, but most of his like. treatments and medicine is hold hostage as long as he stays in line. believes the ends justify the means and anyone who dies to him is obviously weak, because look at him! he’s weak, but that doesn’t matter because he doesn’t have to be the strongest, he just has to be stronger than the weakest scum.)

Chiaki Nanami- Heir (OOF. Agender, uses any pronouns. Doesn’t really. enjoy being the heir. grew up with Byakuya in the same circles. she treats the economy and stock market and stuff like games. enjoys gaming but isn’t good at them. collects so many things. has halls full of collections. Her parents stopped controlling her once she was able to prove she had more money than them and could literally bankrupt them if she wanted.)

Hajime Hinata- Baseball Star (Chiaki’s best friend, his family was upper middle class until he hit it BIG as a baseball star. wants to do BIG things and wants to attend hope’s peak more than anything!! Doesn’t really think of baseball as his THING, just a means to an end! trans :)

Teruteru Hanamura- Biker Gang Leader (started with shaking down some jerks who didn’t pay their food and drink tabs at his mama’s restaurant. now he RUNS their tiny town. His siblings are essentially gang mascots, he works hard to keep them out of trouble (while bringing them to like. meetings where he ends up beating a dude almost to death. its fine). most of what he does it to get more money to keep the restaurant afloat and care for his mama with her health conditions.)

Nekomaru Nidai- Fashionista (the drama. the CHAOS. most people are like ohhh we can never understand this artistic genius when he’s literally just. vibing and has ADHD and a love for coffee. Works a lot on accessible clothing lines for disabled people! Also he and Kazuichi work together sometimes, Nekomaru is good at calming Kaz down and seeing like, the root of whatever problem and making it better. ALSO A TRANS ICON and just flaunts it.)

Imposter- In the hope’s peak days they are impersonating Ryota Mitarai, as a part of the 77th class. In the Killing Game they impersonate Mondo Oowada as the Ultimate Prince. They’re doin’ their best.

Ibuki Mioda- (???) (Izuru Kamakura) Protagonist! Gundham Tanaka’s older sister (though they’re in the same school year). Nonbinary and using just. an array of pronouns alongside she/her, and jokingly fights with gundham for neopronouns like MOM said it’s MY TURN on the rawrself pronouns. She attends the reserve course to stay at her brother’s side. She dresses loudly and acts even louder because !!! she wants to stand out!! in the middle of this drab reserve course hell!!  but when things go down, she wants to be someone, to be worthy of being her amazing brother’s big sister. so she accepts some offers.

NON-KILLING GAME:

Ryota Mitarai- Ultimate Analyst (stays in his room. He’s terrified of the outside world but fascinated by it. watches hope’s peak academy through security feeds, picking up on little details. he just wants to understand things but never looks at the big picture.)

Chisa Yukizome- Ultimate Boxer (Homeroom teacher!! She’s working really hard and believes in everyone! Some are intimidated by talent, but she’s never hurt anyone outside of the ring! Dating Kyosuke)

Juzo Sakakura- Ultimate Student Council President (Has anger issues, though his work at reigning them in assisted in becoming an Ultimate. Was responsible for security and the Hope’s Peak student council. Dating Kyosuke)

Kyosuke Munakata- Ultimate Housekeeper (Meticulous, works himself to the BONE even if he’s good enough to not have to do that. Is working on establishing another Hope’s Peak! Dating Chisa and Jozu!!!)

Seiko Kimura- Ultimate Blacksmith (GIVE MY GIRL KNIVES!! She’s an anxious gal, always wearing a facemask that filters the air in her forge because she has some respiratory problems. she prefers making more decorative pieces like an artist, but sometimes can create utilitarian pieces or tools to fit specific needs. Still a doormat)

Ruruka Ando- Ultimate Pharmacist (She constantly asks Seiko for new tools for her developments in medicine, saying its all for the advancement of humanity, so Seiko denying any request is SELFISH, though she never thinks to make anything for seiko’s health issues. Dating Izayoi. Specializes in medicine for mental health. Not Doing Great :)

Sonosuke Izayoi- Ultimate Confectioner (He loves sweets. LOVES them. Creates things that look plain, ordinary. but taste so GOOD you CRY and maybe ascend for a little bit. sometimes Ando makes cool new drugs to put in the sweets, who knows! It’s a mystery! He always has like. a huge refrigerated case of fresh cakes, and constantly has a lollipop in his own specialty recipe in his mouth.)

[thxngam]

hey! i was wondering if u have any hcs u see tww cast, sexuality wise?

i mean i think they’re all gay but ill go into details lol if that’s what ur asking!

i think sam is queer, I just cant decide if I think he’s gay or bi or pan 

I get a gay vibe 

also literally it’s always him when they’re talking about LGBTQ+ issues; DADT, when charlie is getting interviewed by josh, he gets called a fairy by those dudebros in the ep with zoey’s panic button

he might be bi bc of lisa, and the chemistry he had with ainsley was NOT platonic 

but I do get gay vibes from him so I can’t decide

also I think josh is pan?

i think when he was figuring out his sexuality in college he’d just experiment and try things and decide that gender doesn’t actually matter that much to him? 

like

he just likes pretty people, period - literally all the people he dated were gorgeous; donna? gorgeous. amy? i love her. sam? he’s a pretty man (did they date in canon? no. do i care? not at all)

cj!! my love!!

i think she’s bi (I feel like I'm saying all these people are bi but that might be me projecting) 

it might literally bc I think she’s gorgeous but cmon cj/toby is not platonic, at least not totally, and I kinda think cj and donna hooked up once? is that weird?

also @claudiasjeancregg has a great series about cj/toby/andy that’s gotten me on the bi train

cj doesn’t hide hide it but she’s not gonna make it obvious

(it’s the early 2000s and she’s in a male-dominated field, she’s already kinda the only woman in the room. I don’t think she’d want to be cast as the gay woman in the room, even though she says it doesn’t matter in that ep where ppl think she’s gay) 

toby is...i can’t decide

I honestly can’t see him as queer

idk why

I guess he’s straight? he’s straight

I still love him

if you disagree pls let me know why 

leo and bartlet!!! they’re queer

they never named it specifically but they know they like more than one gender

cmon leo and bartlet had a thing that is totally why they stayed friends - their paths would not have crossed that much, why the hell would they be bffs? bartlet was a congressman and a governor ig but he in academia for a while too and leo was in the military and the private sector before he was chairman of the dnc and labor sec’y so. other than the personal aspect, they wouldn’t really work that closely together, so they must’ve had a hell of a first impression 

abbey knows it happened and she constantly makes jokes about leo stealing her husband

leo has an on and off again thing with marbury

it’s scratching an itch more than it is anything with feelings but 

yeah

abbey is pan

I love her

she tells jed on their first date and tells him if he has a problem he can go screw himself

jed stammers and comes out too

and they’re both like ‘oh. ok. cool’

they go to pride parades with liz, ellie, and zoey when the girls were kids 

someone uses a picture of them at a parade to ask if he’s gay and bartlet’s just like ‘im showing my support to the gay community and I'm not gonna raise my children to be homophobic bigots. next question.’

neither leo, abbey, nor bartlet ever come out

but they’re happy

I'm considering if they ever had a poly thing but idk

lemme know what yall think?

donna!! my lovely lady!!

i think she’s a lesbian (@tunennbee and i have talked about it!)

freeride is still a man

after that disastrous relationship she decides to try women bc she was like ‘maybe the reason that sucked wasn’t just because he was an asshole. let’s try something different’ and she was curious even before that 

she decides that even though that whole relationship with dr. freeride sucked, the thing that was missing wasn’t just the fact that he was a dickhead. it was also the fact that men didn’t really appeal to her. 

she tries men one more time with cliff and she tells him at the beginning and he’s like ‘cool. if nothing else i’ll get a meal and some companionship  instead of crashing on my couch at one am with cspan’. 

she’s like ‘i get that!’

literally no tww character has a healthy work-life balance

after that date with cliff she decides ‘nope, not for me’

i also think she tells ainsley when ainsley tries to set donna up with cliff

‘ainsley, I'm not exactly straight. ill go, because i want to be sure, but you should know.’ 

ainsley’s cool with it

i maintain that ainsley and donna had a stronger relationship that was offscreen bc people don’t set up someone who’s only sort of a friend with  old friends on dates 

so i think ainsley knew that donna was questioning, or at least would be open to going on a date

and i think they slept together once and was no ‘yeah not going anywhere else’ but i think they enjoyed themselves 

hope you enjoyed anon! lemme know what you think :) 

[rottingcompost]

Rambling (very long, tw suicidal thoughts, self harm, toxic friendships, and general shitty behaviour)

The moment i realized i can not and am not obligated to "fix" people, especially when they dont want to change in the first place and I learned to just cut off those people and leave then out of my life I have been doing much better, and have become a lot less toxic and have been doing better overall as a person. I still am a doormat and cant stop people from walking all over me sometimes, but I have definitely improved and learned to just let go if someone is not healthy for me.

Case in point, one of my old friends I used to hang out with. I will call him Redacted.

Redacted and I were inseparable for a while, we met in school in around 2015, and he was two or three years older than me. I was a teen who was struggling with my mental health, and I was still unsure of my identity. He was a Christian, homophobic, transphobic, racist, and generally a horrible person, but I thought that I could change his mind in some way. All my other friends were lgbtq as well, and we were all innthe same friend group. He would seemingly respect their identities, and used one of my friends' correct name and pronouns, but another trans person in our class was not respected in the same way. I would correct him several times, but he never correct his behaviour, and when I questioned why he accepted only one of my friends, who was a mutual friend (me and that friend had been friends for 7 or so years at that point, and we are still friends) but not anyone else, he never gave a good response.

I kept trying to fix him somehow, even when he would downplay my experiences with my mental health, my feelings for girls, my thoughts about my own gender identity, and when he would speak over me about reproductive rights (Redacted was also anti-choice) i would eventually be too exhausted to even keep talking about it since he was being so draining when talking about those issues. He also at more than one point flat out told me to my face that I would go to hell for not believing in god.

My other friends started to notice that I was seeing more irritable and almost defensive whenever I had been hanging out with Redacted a lot, since I felt like I was on edge a lot. I cant blame them, because I definitely was an asshole at thst point because I was struggling and I was being overall defensive.

As I started to drop hints that I like girls, he said I was making my attraction up for attention, and to be "politically correct". I kept hanging out with him because I thought he would change, which he never did. I would defend anyone else against his bullshit, like if he said something shitty about any of my firends or any of our classmates I would call him out on it, but I never really had the same energy when he was being shitty to me.

He at some point apparently asked one of my friends what I liked in guys, since he had a crush on me (he was really not my type, even back when I thought I liked guys) and he kept trying to get with me, even after I told everyone innthe friend group I was a lesbian. When I ended up telling my partner that I liked them, and we ended up getting into a relationship, I posted that in the group chat me and the friend group had, and Redacted seemed to be disappointed that I wasnt confessing my feelings to a guy. Whenever I would talk about my partner, he would go quiet or try to change the subject, even if he would constantly talk about girls he had dated (he dated several girls while we were friends) and he had been fine with me talking about my partner before me and them ended up becoming a couple, but after we got together, Redacted just instantly changed. Several times when me and one of my friends would be at the pride parade, he would be a dick about it. Last pride parade I went to with one of my friends, we met up with Redacted, and we went to his place, and I was about to forget my pride flag on the bus, and Redacted straight up said that he would be glad if I had forgotten it.

My mental health has been doing pretty bad for years and years, my first thought about taking my own life was back when I was 9 or 10. I didnt think it was serious back then, but as time went on I would end up feeling worse mentally, got into a nasty habit of self harming, had suicidal thoughts, andbwas really depressed overall. I wasnt sure how to get help for it and I was scared to really ask for help from family, and I had bad experiences with school counselours, so I refused to talk to them, and at many points school was really the only thing keeping me going because thst was where my friends were.

Whenever I would try to talk about my mental health with Redacted, he downplayed it and would say that I was not really depressed, since i got out of bed and went to school, basically because my experience wasnt entirely like his, and even when I brought up my self harm and my suicidal thoughts he would still downplay it, and barely seemed like he cared, yet he would ask me to be nice to him because of his mental health.

Two years ago I realized that the friendship we had were toxic, and that i was really not happy in that friendship, so I ended up breaking contact off entirely. I stopped hanging out with him entirely, I stopped trying to fix people, and I realized that even if I dont let people like that berate my friends, I should not let them berate me just because I want to keep being friends with them. Instead I should just let go and move on.

I dont even look at his posts, any of his social media, or anything. I occasionally see him in my city since he still lives here, and I have heard stuff from friends, which apparently one of my best friends heard about Redacted talking about me not having contact with me, at a party, while being overly dramatic (he was a theater student) and it was pretty creepy even hearing about it, since it was at a party, with people that really have no business knowing anything about me (since they dont even know me, we havent even met except for like one or two people at that party).

I am not the best person, I can barely really say im a good person because I feel shit about letting my friends down so bad back in the day. I am still improving as a person, im trying to handle my mental health issues, and I am trying to work on not letting myself be a doormat as much anymore. I cant let myself get stepped on and berated if I wont ever accept thst going towards any of my friends. If I fuck up I want people to call me out, but I also dont want people to see me as an asshole or an idiot for sticking to a shitty person for years because I thought I could fix him, I just hope people can call me out on anything I do now, and I want you all to know that trying to stick to a shitty person to fix them is going to be detrimental, and that you really should just let go at some point, before it takes its toll on you and your mental health.

Idk what this rant was, I guess just some self reflection and some words of wisdom from an idiot doormat.

[what-kinda-fuckery]

Hey so, I was one of the star struck falsettos stans that spent the forty dollars for the webinar, and I took notes (like a weirdo). So I decided I would share my funny moments and updates from the cast here!

- Host: Everyone should be keeping their audio off.

Christian: Oh alright!

Host: nO Christian not you

- Christians in Manhattan and his hair is back and he’s wearing a Superman t-shirt.

- Brandon is with his parents in NJ

- Stephanie and Brandon still love each other

- Brandon: Meat should be cooked just right

- Betsy: Stephanie are you in maple wood?

Stephanie: Well thank you for telling everyone where I am (she’s in NJ)

- Stephanie: Are you fucking kidding meee!!!

- Tracie is in LA, she looks like she’s in Costa Rica and I love her dog.

- Anthony’s VOICE IS LOW EVERYONES FREAKING OUT

they’re all talking about Anthony’s clear skin

- Andy Randy is in LA with a fresh haircut his boyfriend did it and he’s watching too much TV

Andrew: I’m watching this is America

Stephanie: SO GOOD

Andrew: SO GOOD

- Everyone’s having hard days

- Christian is acting out tracies dog’s pathetic bark and everyone’s like WHAT are you doing bc it looks like he’s about to throw up

- BETSY IS A WEEK AWAY FROM HAVINGA WHOLE CHILD

Betsy: What else do you do during a pandemic? Have a baby!

Andrew: Can I toss out another baby name? Celery.

Literally everyone: Goodnight Andrew goodbye!

- Christian is living with a girl (?) and playing board games instead of watching television

HE COOKS NOW EVERYONES PROUD OF HIM

Christian: yesterday I made pork filet en croute

Stephanie: I MADE PORK WITH SAGE AND APPLES ON WEDNESDAY

Stephanie: In mean girls they wear pink on wednesdays. In falsettos they make pork.

- I can’t get over Anthony’s voice

Again everyone returning to his literally perfect skin

- Stephanie: When watching four jews in a room in the beginning who’s in China?? I know the answer I just want to hear someone say it.

Andrew, with a thick accent: It was Bryna, in China, with a torn miniscus

- Christian: Did anything interesting make it on to the telecast between me and you? Andrew? Actually I dont remember I need to do my research.

Andrew: There’s been some strange comments about Christian and I- (AT THIS POINT IM WHEEZING)

HE MENTIONED THE TONY BONY

HE SAID IT WASNT A THING

HE DIDNT HAVE ONE

Andrew: No that’s not a thing that happened

Brandon: Andrew i want you to know that it’s okay if it was. It’s a safe space just the seven of us. (Lol)

- Bill Finn would take two steps into the room: “WROONG”

Stephanie: he wanted me to sing the end of I’m breaking down up the octave and I said #notmytrina

Brandon: #NOTMYTRINA

- Tracie what did you do during act 1

Tracie: Betsy and I sat in that dressing room for like an hour and a half

Andrew: You SANG the WHOLE SHOW TRACIE

- Betsy watched parts of the first act to feel like she was there

- Betsy sprained both her ankles at one point during the run and was a trooper anyways

Brandon reenacting Betsy limping during look look look look

Everyone dies laughing

Christians LAUGH makes me SO HAPPY

- Betsys screen is frozen like this: 🤨

Andrew: What if she went into labor??? (This is a common thread throughout the zoom)

- Anthony: I’m getting a lot of glitching so Stephanie is just like “HUH UH UH UH”

- Betsy comes back and everyone is like

YOU GUYS ITS COMING!!!

- They bought Andrew an ice cream for his birthday from the vending machine at rehearsal

- Andrew: The Hawaii crop top

Betsy: I would give anything to have that

- Tracie: it was very hard. Very precise bringing the blocks together

Brandon: Trying to be like oh my god we’re going to a funeral

Andrew: MY DEATH IT WAS MY DEATH

- fan question: What did the blocks weigh?

Stephanie: They were like thick yoga blocks. Not heavy but awkward shaped

Andrew: Significantly heavier when Anthony sat on them

Anthony: I just realized how much I got thrown around

Stephanie: Anthony were you proud of yourself? #proudofyou

Anthony: The one moment I was cringing was father and son

Christian: HERE WE GO *SLAPS TABLE*

Betsy: Anthony’s like BLAH BLAH BLAH blah my line BLAH BLAH BLAH my line BLAH BLAH

Christian: I LEAVE THE PAUSE IF YOU CANT GET IN THATS ON YOU

Anthony: I was blinking in that number like constantly

Christian: THE WHOLE THING LIKE A SALAMANDER

Oh Anthony.

- Andrew: I HAVE A STORY ABOUT CHRISTIAN BORLE. Tech for what more can i say. He was laying on me. We were shirtless in underpants under the blankets.

Christian: SLOWER

Andrew: he leaned over; He sniffed his armpit and said “I hope you like France”

EVERYONE DIES LAUGHING INCLUDING ME

Christian: i haven’t worn deodorant in 10 years true story

- Christian: i seem to remember holding our pillows and blankets pretending like we were partying on fyre island and Andrew said:

Andrew: WHATS YOUR NAME???

Christian: No no it was something like:

WHAT HOUSE ARE YOU STAYING IN??

Andrew: WHAT HOUSE ARE YOU STAYING IN???

Betsy: James lupine I feel like we’re ruining this show

- Andrew: The shenanigans were real but so was the sadness

Stephanie: We’re real and we’re funny what you gonna do

- Andrew talking about how hard the show was to do: Finding some liberty, It’s a hard world to live in all the time. It was a hard time especially for Christian. I would sometimes go home and cry for no reason

Brandon: Building up emotion with nowhere to put it

Betsy: then Lesbians come in and provide all the levity

Stephanie: Although Dr. Charlotte brings in horrible news

Tracie: Everything’s beautiful at what more can i say and I’m like not so fast

- Tracie always had a funny thing to say

- Who broke character the most on stage?

Anthony Stephanie and Christian

Anthony: it was when I said “I don’t want a bar mitzvah” and I spit in your face a lot and you went like *puts arms up* and someone at stage door was like very condescending like it’s not professional

Christian: Oh my bad we’re people sorry

- Stephanie wrote a line in the show “YOU HAVE PAINTINGS OF DICKS”

- James wanted her to cut off her finger during I’m breaking down

And turn around with a bandaged bloody finger

- Betsy’s nose bleeding during something bad is happening

And Tracie was like something BAD IS HAPPENING

Tracie: Christians throwing up right now

Betsy: Bloody Kleenex up the nose THE SHOW MUST GO ON

- Fan question: Stephanie how do you belt with a banana in your mouth

Christian: Practice practice practice

Stephanie: just shove it in your cheek. But Really that wasn’t supposed to happen

Anthony’s nickname in the rehearsal room was little bananas because he had to gather up all the pieces of stuff after Stephanie shoved the table over with her rear. Sometimes he didn’t have enough time to put it somewhere so he would just put the pieces of banana in his mouth and that’s where it came from

That’s why

- Andrew: Stephanie your glasses are very chic

Stephanie: Oh my gosh thank you *shocked*

- Betsy: Bill was like I’d rather DIE than change lyrics for the pbs special

FLaT aS a LaKe

- Cue everyone accidentally talking over each other and saying what at each other for 30 seconds

Christian: what? what? what?

Who is it?

What’s going on?

- If you could play anyone else in the show who would it be

Anthony said Mendel

Tracie said Mendel

Brandon said Trina

Andrew said marvin

Betsy said whizzer

Stephanie said Mendel

And I honestly couldn’t hear if Christian said anything whoops

- Brandon: If someone could at some point explain to me the Mendel eats dirt meme? People have been Asking me if Mendel eats dirt? I don’t think it’s about Trina Trina is not the dirt. I was overwhelmed. Can someone in the Q&A explain this? *A few seconds later* oh It was from a meme generator?

Christian: Greaat.

Brandon: It’s a fan fiction about Mendel eating dirt and getting aroused by it

Everyone: WHAT

- They still get fan art

Someone recreated the whole soundtrack 8bit and also with KAZOOS

- Brandon: CONGRATS CHRISTIAN ON LULOS WIN FOR LITTLE SHOP. If you haven’t seen Christian in little shop it’s revelatory I’m not just blowing smoke up your ass I have not laughed that hard in a while at the theatre

- Christian talking about little shop

Christian has a 12 inch Batman toy in his dressing room and he misses it

- Ticket prices were getting out of control before corona everyones hoping this will make a difference

Brandon and everyone think it should get more accessible

- Brandon: Hear hear I need a refill

- Stephanie: Your hair looks incredible Brandon (it did)

Christian: She’s been waiting to talk about it for 53 minutes

- Andrew: Well Betsy what I’m wondering is have you crowned yet??

Proceed everyone dying

Brandon, taking a picture of the screen: This moment will go down in history as When Betsy was asked if she was crowning

- Everyone mimicking zoom freezing by starting a sentence and freezing halfway through

- Christian: What new Steven sondheim musical are you excited about Anthony *devilish grin*

Anthony having no idea what Christian is talking about

Christian: Come on Anthony you know the answer. Ugh. The minds of the young. You’re smoking pot now aren’t you??

Christian: We have a lot of fun

- Andrew: I’m trying to get people to pay attention to me

- Christians pretending to be frozen

Cue a lot of yelling: Stephanie BRANDON STEPHANIE

NO CHRISTIAN

Everyone accusing each other of being frozen

NO YOURE FROZEN

- Andrew: Let’s all act like we’re frozen

Steph: I see Andrew acting like hes frozen

Betsy: Watching you do that is killing me

- Listening to the cast recording for the first time together

Stephanie: Why was I the a-hole that couldn’t be there???

Christian: That’s a question only you can answer

- Betsys husband came in everyones like BETSY LOOK OUT

Christian: that scared the shit out of me

- What is marvins last name and what was his line of work

Christian: we definitely said it at some point right? (They didnt) but he was in advertising. What was the last name? Gardens? O’Malley?

- Andrew: Betsys gone oh no

Betsy: I’m right here!!!

Andrew: She’s giving birth (again)

Stephanie: Betsy Wolfe is a ceiling

- Brandon: Welcome back Anthony. You’re here now.

Anthony singing merrily we roll along over Betsy trying to tell a story

Christian: STOP SMOKING POT IN YOUR BEDROOM ANTHONY

- Betsy: Steve (Steven Sondheim) comes to the door I call him steve

Into the woods is the reason Betsy is in theatre

- Betsy: Andrew was nervous singing at the tonys for Book of Mormon and he got dry mouth he sang like 😬I BELIEVE and he licked his lips so much during the song.

Brandon: Did you have a boner then too?

Andrew: GUYS DONT BE DICKS

Stephanie: It’ll be like dry mouth, boner

Andrew: BETSY YOU FUCKIN BITCH ITS ACTUALLY NOT THAT BAD

Stephanie: Bets maybe we should wrap it up

- Brandon sings MARRIAGE PROPOSAL

EVERYONE TELLING HIM TO STOP SINGING I took a video it was beautiful might post that later

- “Tracie Thomas from Lent!”

Tracie having stage fright

Tracie: Billy porter said “oh child we all forget the words” and walked away

- Anthony said WHO SHAT THE BED in four jews once

Anthony: That’s my contribution. Steph got her line, I got who shat the bed

- Steph: We lost andrew oh no

Christian: Um, we lost andrew ten minutes ago. Yeah when Brandon started singing

- Then Betsy sang a song by Bill Finn beautiful

- Steph: Wear your masks and eat pork on wednesdays

That was it!! I hope you enjoyed and people who were there if I got anything wrong that’s my human error it was hard to note everything I wanted to. Smooches! Byee

[iconsumeheadcanons]

persona characters autism headcanons!

hi im autistic and i started my day with sun so now im !!!!!!!!! some of these headcanons are from elsewhere on tumbr, but i dont know where :(((  so i am hoping someone out there knows that n that everybody knows that i love them <3

(also go check out mollypaup and i think hypeswap if you havent already! they post some good stuff autism+adhd hc too!!! i think.. oh! and thieves-in-the-palace!!!)

P5

Joker

there was some artwork from someone on tublr..where they pointed out that he doesnt really talk outside the metaverse so--hes hyperverbal as joker and just near nonverbal as akiren

he stims ALL THE TIME. that phone thing, the pencil thing, the little tappy tap of his foot, pulling at his bangs when hes embarrassed/smug. someone get him a fidget spinner. he’ll prob learn to do tricks with it

he probably sucks at focusing in class, like i know its just the game design but hes always surprised out of his daily “star out the window at the nearby office building” when his teachers ask him questions

mona mentions when the pt is at Wilton for the first time (after they run into shido) that joker eats like shit, and that could have multiple causes at the start of the story of course, but when i first played i thought that joker was a picky eater and that the variety (and amount of food) at the buffet would be an Ordeal...

tho mona makes that comment bc joker looked pale after having a little ptsd moment from shidos voice, but i didnt know that the first time i played

maybe when joker makes a face at ryuji putting so much ginger in his gyudon? joker probably does not like pickled ginger lol

his favortive foods are all spicy, which is why the curry he makes for his friends is always ‘overly spicy’, and why kasumi makes him a curry bento and joker kept going “...?” .... “....?!”

overly reflective glasses have been a great plus for him bc now he never has to make real eye contact every again!

mona Soft. play with Ann hair. maybe Braid. nice

puns (Gorou the Goroumet)

he has so many options to be straight up rude sometimes in game. he probably no clue on his own, which is why he defaults to Not Talking. people probably mention his constant scary face, which is just him being nonexpressive, squinting at all the fucking bright lights, and Tired

executive function who? we do everything last minute folks

high pain tolerance, which is why he was the kid that was always climbing trees in elementary school to get basketballs unstuck from the branches

his sixth sense lets him see treasure and possible places to climb/crawl bc 1. Shiny? Steal it. Steal it Now. and 2. Could i fit in that? Time to Find Out

probalby a bit of a klepto too oops. he’ll return it tho!! but he has to do it dramatically or he’ll die

cant sit properly to save his life

smells and touch are Great, they can keep him grounded when his brain goes off to police or dead rivals or guilt or

if a friend hung out with him and gave him total reigns of the agenda, he would choose to nap on the floor while his friend does something off to the side quietly

hyperfocuses on handy tasks (i.e. lockpicks, coffee brewing, cleaning, his part time jobs) and some things like movies and books. everything else is a tossup

his (normal) navigation app is his most used app bc he still doesnt know where hes going, even though he only goes to the same few places in the city

hates being sweaty, literally cannot stand it. probably double exhausted during the summer

but Needs Compression so hes often Struggling

Futaba

paraphrase from p5d “i have no motor skills so i cant play rhythm games :(” need i say more? (i will regardless)

echolalia all the time, from anime, memes, the PT

those headphones she wears all the time? noise cancelling ear protectors babey

only talks about her interests, “normal” talking is Not Easy, but she is still communicative w others despite her worries. shes not “hard to understand” at all but she feels the anxiety nonetheless

only talks informally, cannot talk ‘politely’ with out imitating someone around her

shes had meltdowns and anxiety attacks in game :( i relate so hard

Technology. thats it

def had an egypt phase that pops up every few months. probably came from yu-gi-oh

has Immune to Bright Lights buff.  joker is very jealous

“Time to make like a tree and leave!” and 30 other iterations

video game metaphors are the only ones that makes sense to her

probably relates hard to robot characters in anime for their general androgyny and confusion about human emotions and connections

probably gets told that shes “too smart to be on the spectrum” by teachers >:( she fails their classes on purpose

wakaba’s autistic too that just how it is

the Connection that she establishes with Joker is so Warm. my life goals include adopting an older brother like futaba has lsdkfjslkfj

also eater of 5 foods only, i mean, she brings cup ramen to the beach. i just really admire her...

hides in small spaces for comfort

doesnt she have like uhhhhh hyperthymesia or something like that?

Yusuke

art

his entire social link is learning how humans work, which i relate

talks seriously all the time

“sarcasm? who is that? are you saying I was sarcastic?...how?”

cant remember to take care of his body, and madarame did not help with that either

lot of uncomfortable staring, hes overdoing the eye contact thingy

infodumps all the time, doesnt know hes doing it

needs a lot of support even if he doesnt think he deserves it. no one ever complains about helping him out tho

visual stims my friends

he didnt know that you could look up pictures on the internet but he does know you can stream live videos of waterfalls and fluffy animales!!

I am certainly in the mood

for something salty today.

he and joker are scared of math. numbers do not interact

Yusuke, futaba, and akiren are a trio and i know this bc their first day of non-thievery interacts is Akiren clearing Futabas room w/o permission, futaba hyperfocusing on destroying medjed, and yusuke rearranging futabas figurines so they are more visually appealing

morgana is a support friend for all of them bc igor knows they need it

P4

Souji/Yu

yes, he mostly wears gray semi formal clothes bc parents tell him to, no, he will not changes this

Schedule or Death

“sorry, could you repeat that?” “huh? oh yeah, i was saying that--” “yeah that’d be cool.”

cats, fishing, he just likes to be quiet. you can literally spend a day at the beach just to think if you want, and that is what yu want

has a lot of scripts for things (of which he shares with nanako!) but if he runs out he just stops talking..

inaba is a godsend bc its so fucking quiet and warm

he Yearns to hold his friends hands, but he shies away from a lot of touch (excepting yosuke, teddie, and nanako)

Cooking and Cleaning makes the world better. he and joker vibe together with this

unlike akiren, he strong arms any executive dysfunction into Be Productive or Else. his punishment is feeling the pure anxiety of having to make up for ‘lost time’. (another symptom of his workaholic parents)

writes everything down, notes are very neat, has pages dedicated for bad doodles when hes not feeling his usual Super Classroom Focus

Cannot handle secondhand embarrassment (most often caused by yosuke) and will quietly slip away to random cats or origami folding

hungry, crunch crunch folks. probably needs chewelry bc he used to chew on his shirt collars when he was younger.

cleans up after everyone in the food court, constantly worries about them accidently hurting themselves. likely spends half of group conversations watching peoples hands

he canonically eats expired food, nanako plz help your brother

really clumsy, but people only notice after they decide that he is a cool person

video games are too chaotic for him

exhausted every night from the pure amount of masking he does, if a friend spends the night (or is like yosuke) they will know his more comfortable weirdo self (tho everyone knows hes a weirdo eventually)

hyperempathetic, sometimes just understands animals and children better than peeople his age or older

Yukiko

her jokes

she and souji get in ‘trouble’ together, she and joker commit crimes together

she and chie have to coordinate outfits, its important

actually understands metaphors, but does not understand people

like me, had no clue that creepy kid was flirting with her

she is very angry when she has meltdowns that might involve slamming doors and shouting. her parents call these ‘tantrums’ and ‘unfitting for a polite daughter’ but really thats because her meltdowns tend to be caused by arguments w her family after a long day of school and TV world traipsing

the metronome meme, except hers goes between Loudest Person in the Room to Quietest Pin Drop in the Planet. she is completely unaware of this

her atmosphere brightens when chie appears. that is not only the lesbian energy within her, but also because chie is like her Favorite Person

Cannot wear Pants. No (tho she wants to try it! but she puts them on and her soul instantly squashes)

happy flappy lesbian! watch out!

Naoto

the pouty face. all the time lskdfjlasdkf

hes really snappy sometimes and i love that for him. he and akechi should fight just to see what would happen (please read Bang Bang Shoot Shoot on AO3)

“do not touch me or my hat, thank you”

no one has ever seen him shutdown and no one ever will (except for his grandpa)(and kanji)(and rise)

probably likes certain food textures and will stand for nothing less, probably feels embarrassed about his preferences with friends

constantly jumps between ‘everybody hates me so i should act like them so they dont hate me’ to ‘i refuse to be anything but very comfortable as myself, and i dont care that im making you upset sir’

he and souji are the king and queen of subtle stims, but for unhappy reasons :(

does not make jokes. cannot joke around. understand? yes, do? no.

loose clothes are the only good clothes, but all tags and obtrusive seams will be obliterated by kanji tatsumi

not very empathetic so he probably comes off as an asshole to strangers (like when he throws away his classmates confession letters without reading them) but he tries so hard to sound comforting when his buds are struggling.

his understanding of others emotions/reactions come from his learning as a detective, which seems cold+clinical to others, especially compared to souji, whos completely unexpressive but very introverted people person

P3

Hamuko/Minako/Kotone

big personality!! very people-oriented!! koromaru and her are buddies!! when shes having a real bad time, shes very quiet and expressions turn off

interrupts herself in the middle of conversations all the time. no one knows where shes coming from. her brains is thousands of km ahead of her body

bouncey legs, swingin arms, twirlly skirt, little somersaults! when will she stop? never!

very obvious music stims with her hands and arms! people are like “oh there she goes! happy as usual!” shes listening to minatos heavy metal playlist

switches from exhausted to excited within milliseconds. no one can predict, not even her

SEES has to ask her for context all the time cuz she’ll just continue shit from 2 weeks ago without warning

professionals will assume shes very childish bc of how chipper she is, but she is beyond mature for her age and only feels comfortable enough to have serious conversations if a person has proved themself able to handle it

collects every little thing. her room is a mess and she has to get rid of most of it every time she moves :(

hates cleaning! smells bad, feels bad hhhhhgggg

dont let mitsuru-senpai see her bedroom

gets lost in the middle of conversations with others bc shes thinking about a story connected to one(1) word that was said earlier

 no sense of time and place, she just sees her friends and goes “ah, this is the right place, then” but junpei and akihiko are also lost so now theyre all screwed

Minato/Makoto/Sakuya

no talkies, no walkies

his story in the movies is him literally learning how to function around people he cares for

doesnt get jokes, expressions, body language, empathy, subtlety, metaphors, physical contact, or eye contact. aigis is probably the only person he truly understands right away

he is still nice to people because he doesnt see a reason not to be, but also he has very limited energy so only his senpai and old people get his most polite-kindnesses

cannot describe feelings for the life of him. the team wont know hes injured or sick until hes passed out

everything is too loud, time to drown it out with my loud ass music

rocking and chewing stims, ryoji is the first person to point him out for these subtle stims (not accusingly of course, just general pure curiosity and love for the uniqueness of humanity)

likes to cover his face with whatever is available, lives like a bat in a dark dry cave

will wear anything that has pockets and his blue/gray/black palette

sleepy at all times bc he never has much energy

when he was younger he probably needed a lot of support, especially after his parents died, because he wouldnt communicate like a neurotypical and would shutdown for hours in the middle of school without warning. probably missed a lot of lessons and field trips out of pure overstimulation

eating at all times. no preference, just whatevers closest

his meltdowns probalby include humming whining noises and curling up in a ball, which makes people want to touch him, but that is the LAST thing he wants. put a blanket on him! play some music! do not talk and do not expect him to speak

aigis is the only person who can touch him normally bc her hands are cold and he likes cold

never nude, feels mmmmmmmmm without clothes and probalby wears a full robe in the hotsprings

will not do things that take more than one step w/o someone else walking him thru it, which Same

[hobiiwan]

could I request headcanons on young reader (who is mando's friend and helps him on missions) coming out to him as a lesbian? I rlly need some support rn😔 your blog is amazing btw!!

hey anon, i hope you know that you’re not alone out there!! sending you all the love and kindness xx don’t hesitate to dm me if you ever wanna chat or smth, hope you like this!!

you’re young, but not that young

sure, maybE you’ve got less years under your belt than the common bounty hunter but hey, work is work

you’ve got to get that coin somehow

you’ve been in this line of work for a little while now, but on one particular hunt, shit hits the fan

things don’t always go as plan, and perhaps you got a little sidetracked

you may or may not have tried to slip an extra ration pack and started a kerfuffle

BUT U DIDNT HEAR IT FROM ME

anyway,,,

you’re cornered and there are a bUNCH of stormtroopers closing in on you

so you make a wild run for it

dodging heavy (albeit inaccurate) blaster fire, you leap behind a corner, only to find yourself crashing into a heaVILY armoured man

like seriously do noT run head first into that beskar

that shit hurtED

and that’s the story of how you met the mandalorian

it took a quick moment of pleading and diving behind him as the stormtroopers caught up to you

he takes them out with ease obviousLy

but now it’s just you and him,,,, yikeS

he’s got that blaster still smoking but now it’s pointed straight at you

“heY now!!! that won’t be necessary,” you chuckle nervously, hands raised in surrender

“it was all just a misunderstandinG, i swear!!!”

the mandalorian lets out a scoff, to which you take offence

“i’m sure it was.”

he takes another look and deems you harmless, before turning to leave the situation you’d dragged him into before reinforcements arrive

he did not expect you to tail him like a lost puppy

and he definiteLY did not expect you to still be here months later

when you caught sight of the Child, you instantly light up, offering to babysit him when the man’s away

so here you are, courtesy of your shameless begging

when the mandalorian warms up to you, yall develop a sibling bond

he’s like a big brother; always making sure you eat, don’t stay up too late and keeps you out of trouble

whereas you take up the role of annoying little sister

you talk incessantly, even when no one’s around to listen and you constantLy find yourself getting into trouble

but at least u pull ur own weight

something mando is slightly impressed by

MOVING ON

at this point, you can probably trust him with your life

but even so, there are some things that you haven’t been able to tell him

sometimes you can’t bear to even think about it because the weight it leaves on your chest is just too heavy

you know that the galaxy is vast, and there are pleNTY of inter-species relationships; people are open, to say the least

and yet you still can’t shake the thought that this is wrong; you shouldn’t be feeling this

it takes a long, long time for you to come to terms with your romantic preference

you’re not ashamed, but it just isn’t something that you’re comfortable airing out to the world, u feel

so when you decide to sit mando down one day, you want to jump out of your own skin

you’re mostly scared he’ll treat you differently; you don’t want things to change

he’s slightly confused and a little concerned

you’re fidgeting a lot and it’s making hiM antsy

did something happen? did you get in a fight? are you preg-DEAR GOD ARE YOU PREGANT

protective brother mode activated

“whaT? no, mando, I’m noT pregnant.” you splutter at the onslaught of accusationS

“in fact, you literally never have to worry about that,” you mumble under your breath

“gooD, because I’d find whoever- wait, what did you say?”

you squint your eyes and breathe in deeply

it’s okay, you think, you’ll be fine. this is who you are, and if he doesn’t agree, then you don’t need him in your life

but u kinda do

so you bite the bulleT

and you blurt it out

“i like girls, mando.”

you wait with a baited breath, gauging his reaction

to your surprise, he nods nonchalantly, “okay. what else?”

you blink

“um,,,,,”

the words have left you

they’re gone

“well,,, i-uH, i just wanted you to know,,, and that i’m still me,,,?”

goDS WHY DID YOU MAKE THAT SOUND LIKE A QUESTION

your heart is pounding out of your chest

noPE YOU CANT DO THIS RIGHT NOW

fight or flight mode activated, in this house we fly

you stand to leave, but he catches your wrist before you can bolt out

you don’t know what to expect but you really hope it ends well

“thank you for telling me, kid. it probably wasn’t easy,” he speaks, and it’s soft, softer than you’ve ever heard it

softness is exactly what you need in this moment; you’re vulnerable

“you are who you are. don’t let anyone make you think differently, okay?”

wow when did u start crying

honestly me toO tf

you don’t want him to see your tears, so you bury your head in his chest as you hug him tight

you’re so relieved

you feel ten pounds lighter, like you can finally breathe again

it feels nice

after that, it’s like you and mando are actual siblings

he likes to tease you when he catches you staring at pretty girls in the market

girls are pretty, suE ME

sometimes he tries to be your wingman but he just ends up embarrassing the craP out of u

and earns a sharp jab to the arm

he lets you rant to him about your crushes and relationship problems, should you have any

he definitely notices when you practically have heart-eyes looking at cara

don’t we all

what a womaN amirite

you and mando mutually fangirl over cara dune this is a facT

you could watch her knock out stormtroopers all day

you’d pay to be one of those stormtroopers ngl

me too, reader, mE fuckiNG too

you’re so glad you decided to tell mando, because you’ve never been happier

he sees you for who you are, and if you love yourself, then so does he

you don’t have to hide yourself anymore, and that’s a blessing in itself

you’re proud to be who you are

anyone who has a problem with that,,,,,

honey you got a storm coming

aka mando, protector of lesbians

and y/n, lesbian

has a nice ring to it, if i may say so meself

[uh-velkommen]

In my head, I sometimes use they/them pronouns when referring to myself.

I think I've just distanced myself so much from what it means to be a woman in American culture, to the point where I don't want to be seen as such.

For a short while I thought I might have been Transgender and I would say things like, I feel like I should've been a boy. It was never meant as, I was born in the wrong body or I've been given the wrong sets, though. It was more in line with the definition of being a boy in contrast with being a girl. I saw how my brother got more freedom and was treated differently by family and friends and I wanted that.

I used to go through his clothes and try them on without him knowing because I thought presentation equated treatment. My whole perception of Gender got so messed up when I started questioning my sexuality. I thought, it'd make more sense, me liking girls, if I've actually been a boy this whole time. Because I'd rather be a straight dude than a lesbian. It never crossed my mind that I could have just been a butch lesbian because the idea of butch lesbians being predatory was so fresh in my mind that I had become scared of them. Then when I thought I might have been bi, i figured maybe I was just a gay man because at that point I had accepted that I was gay but I refused to be stereotyped as a man-leaning bisexual woman. I didn't want to have to come out as Bisexual only to have my mother tell me I was lying because I liked guys. In that case it was easier to go all the way and just be Trans and Gay.

Finally I had accepted that I just wasn't a dude. But I still fought the idea of femininity and womanhood. I started refering to myself as a d*ke, full malice intended. I figured I was a gross masculine lesbian and there was nothing I could do about it.

This was when I was 12, 13, and 14. It took a lot of soul searching and queer history research before I became comfortable with the idea of Bisexuality. That along with constantly beating myself up over the demonization of Masculine lesbians of which I had become way too comfortable with.

But whilst all of that was happening, Pansexuality started to surface. I started identifying with that term because it took out the gender factor that I continued to struggle with. I figured I didn't like a specific gender, I liked whoever I liked. But that word didn't help with my own gender related issues. I still thought about being seen as the woman if I dated a cis man, and being seen as a d*ke if I dated a cis woman. Until I found the word Queer. Now, Queer could be applied to Gender and Sexuality which at the time was great because I couldn't bring myself to identify with any sexual orientation that implied some set gender identity.

I stuck with that because if anybody asked me, I could say that I was queer and feel as though I was announcing that I was also Gender Queer. That was important to me because I'm still female presenting. It's been hard to find clothes that I feel comfortable in. I have always felt pretty androgynous but I could never figure out how to look it. So I felt that if I had told people I was nonbinary (even though I don't like that term because even that puts me in a box) but I didn't look the part, I'd be lying.

Lying because I didnt think of gender, or the lack thereof, as something that I just had. I never thought of or talked about gender the way that Trans people had in the many testimonials I'd watched and read. Transgender people always described gender as an internal feeling. I defined gender by the way society imposed it upon me. Perhaps if I grew up in a world that didn't force me to behave a certain way because of my genitalia, I'd be comfortable in my femininity.

I told myself that I'm not really any gender because I don't want people treating me as a stereotypical male or female. Even though I still present female on the outside and I may follow some societal rules set for women because I've been conditioned to, inside I don't like being a woman but I always wont identify as a man. My uncle sometimes jokes by switching everyones pronouns and I'd get so bothered when he calls me a boy. Because after all that I've been through it feels like he's mocking me. It just makes me uncomfortable. But I cant bring myself to impose my issues on others. Its too complicated to get into with my simpleminded mother.

So my gender identity will stay personal to myself. I've been wanting to try using she/they pronouns but you know when you tell people that, they usually go with what they see and that's not going to help with the dysphoria. Knowing that everyone still sees me as a woman so they're going to treat me as such...