#or after the events of ep 4 we may see the anger on her

[tessarionbestgirl]

Alicent: Coping with the loss of a loved one.

So I was reluctant to talk about the scene Helaena and Alicent had in the last episode because there's a lot to unpack. But there is something that made me realize about Alicent and Heleana and Aegon. And that they are all going through stages of grief. In episode 2 we see, Aegon going though all the stages besides acceptance, he went through anger, and denial, bargaining, and depression. And Heleana was depressed but it was acceptance.

Meanwhile, Alicent has been in denial all this time. When talking about with Heleana, she ask Alicent about her mourning she gives a long pause and changes the subject to Heleana's grief.

So she have been avoiding the topic in conversation, and there is a sense of emotional numbness. And I talk about this before how she left Aegon crying alone because she comforting him in such a emotional state would be having to deal with her own grief, because her connection with Aegon is different than Heleana or Aemond.

We saw in season how many things she done for him, and the coronation is such a example of that where she stand in front of him from all her kids. His pain is her pain. And that is easier to her to talk with Helena that is already in acceptation mode, than Aegon that is full depressed and she is still in denial.

[dulcewrites]

Fool Me Once (part 4)

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x reader (wc: 4.5k)

Summary: Your paranoia spikes as the safety of your children is put into question. Familiar faces come to King’s Landing as the fight for power continues to grow.

A/N: When I posted the first part, I had no idea this would be the response i get, let alone that I would be making multiple parts. I’m so grateful for all the support I have gotten, and I hope to keep writing hotd stuff y’all enjoy. This part will span events that happened in ep 8 of the show. Ep 9 and 10 will be part 5 🫶🏽🫶🏽. Hope y’all like it, and PLEASE come talk to me. Love chatting about fmo

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You tried to make it to your chambers without disturbing the party. Your father seemed confused by you sudden departure after Jayne pulled you away from him.

Ser Quinton insisted going into the chambers before you. There was a sick part of you that hoped she was in there. Waiting for Aemond; or better yet, waiting for you. At least if you saw her, you would feel less… mad. The descent to insanity may be held off by finally putting a face to worst time of your life. You think about the knife trick Quinton had taught you, and if he was right when he said it led to a slow death.

Your bottom lip wobbles when you walk into the room and see red. Alaric’s cot is smeared with blood. Whoever did this did not go to his nursery, they came here knowing you also have a place for him when he is extra restless in the night.

Quinton gives you a look. He can tell you are about to panic and reaches out for your arm. Lord Larys stands there, a dubious look on his face.

“You know it is quite rude to leave you own party. Mother told me to come get you,” Aegon strolls in casually with a lazy smile, and goblet in his hand. His smile falters when he sees the blood and the look on your face. “Seven Hells.”

“We need to tell the Queen,” Quinton pipes up after a beat of silence.

Your mind strays to what Alicent could have said to her son. What Aemond could have said to Alys. The woman that have haunted your thoughts for moon now being in Red Keep… in the room where you rest your head.

You look down at the bloody box, your hands stained red. Time seems to slow down and speed up as you think of what to do.

“This is your house sigil,” you turn to Larys ignoring Quinton’s request. “She was here. That bastard witch was here. She touched my child’s things.”

There’s a vibrating anger that courses through your body. It was not good enough to have your husband, or carry his child. Now she must resort to messing your child, to trying to goad you into a something.

Well, if that is was she wants…

Lord Larys raises a single brow, looking at the box quizzically. A normally self assured and smarmy man just as put out as you. “Maybe we should follow Ser Quinton’s idea by telling Queen Alicent.”

“Tell me what? The feast is about to start.”

Alicent’s rich tone cut through the room, and the four of you turn towards the chamber doors.

“What is all of this,” she gets a familiar furrow in her brow when she sees the blood stained box in your hands. Her doe eyes going from you, to her son, to Quinton, then to Larys before landing on the bloodied cot near the bed.

Alicent rushes into the room, and over to you. You watch as her face falls when she sees Strong sigil edtched in the box and Alaric’s blanket.

“This does not make any sense,” she mutters, shaking her head.

Your eyes flicker quickly over to Aegon, who has an I told you so look on his face. It sets in that any possible reprimand that Alicent gave Aemond was also met with giving him a chance to repair the situation. He had a chance to make a choice, and still chose wrongs. Your imbecile husband.

It is almost a joke at this point. He must really enjoy making you look foolish. That is the only explanation. Before you ask Alicent what she said to him during their talk, a flash of silvery hair at the door catches your eye.

There had been times you thought about killing Aemond. A slip of poison in the goblet, or smothering him with a pillow. Even more lately since you two share a room again. Not ideas you were ever proud of, especially when you thought about your children not having their father in their lives. Living with the grief of a dead father the rest of their lives.

But there’s something about this moment that makes you think you and your kids would be just fine without him. Just fine away from all these people.

“What is going on,” Aemond cautiously walks in, clearly apprehensive of the collection of people in the room. “Your parents are asking for us.”

“Aemond, you should go ba-,” Alicent starts. She is using the voice you have heard her put on when speaking to members of court. Collected and stern.

“This is your fault,” your voice trounces out hers. You move past Alicent and throw the box at his feet. “Your whore left us a gift.”

Aemond leans down to look at Alaric’s blanket. His shoulders stiffening instantly when he sees the box. He looks over at his mother. You have learned that they have their own little language through looks. A connection that can only be expected through mother and child. It only infuriates you more.

“She would not do this.”

Aemond shakes his head in disbelief, and you throw your hands up in frustration. The blood from them now starting to stain your dress. Your favorite purple dress tainted.

“Is her cunt so magical that it is making you blind in both eyes,” you hiss. “She came into this room, and soaked your son’s blanket in blood. Gods know whose blood.”

“My wife-“

You hold a hand up to stop him.

“You have already shown you have no respect for me, but if you think I am going to let your love affair with her effect my children, you are more foolish than I thought.”

Your eyes drifts down the small dagger around his waist. One slit to the throat is all you need. There’s a strange sense of adrenaline that runs through you.

A blood lust.

“We need to all keep our composure, fighting will do no good,” Alicent steps in between you two. “…. And we must remember our stations.”

She eyes you when she says the last part of the sentence.

“Before we jump to any other conclusions, let’s get one of the maidservants to clean this room up, and I’ll see to it that extra guards are sent to all the living quarters. We will discuss how to go forward after the feast.”

Alicent grabs Aemond’s arm in an attempt to pull him out of the room. Your vision blurs with anger. Jump to conclusions? Playing coy and hurt has gotten you nowhere. Your mother was wrong all those years ago; keeping your head is not the always answer.

“That is not going to work my Queen,” Alicent turns back around with a frustrated look in her eyes. “This a threat towards Alaric. And your son’s disrespect of his marriage is directly responsible; what other conclusion is there?”

She sighs before walking back over to you. Alicent takes your hand softly and lays the other over yours.

“Sweetling, do not let jealousy cloud your judgment,” the sweet tone of her voice makes your throat tight. “Anger will not change what happened.”

There is something about the way she is looking at you that reminds of when you used to go hunting with your father. A hobby you hated, but were forced to do when you were younger. You are the doe or wild sheep being toyed with before being slaughtered. Made submissive once the chase is too much to bear.

She hopes you will eventually grow tired of running. That you will take each blow gracefully… Just like she has, just like is expected of a dutiful wife. Is that not what sacrifice is; to become a cold carcass for the dragons to feed on.

Even with people on your side in the room, you have never felt so alone.

“He’s your grandson,” there’s a desperation in your voice that makes you feel so small. Your eyes move past her to Aemond. “He is your blood.”

Your husband is the one that set this all into motion, and you still have to be the one the beg for sympathy. Sympathy for you, and for your children.

“You know I would not want anything to happen to him,” Aemond addressed you with a low voice. Alicent nods in agreement. You bite your tongue that you taste blood.

“Fine, if you both want to make this right, we can do this my way,” you return the farcical sweet voice.

Alicent’s brown eyes darken a bit. As if she knows where you are going with this. You let go of her hand to turn towards Ser Quinton and Lord Larys.

“I want her gone… permanently.”

Quinton’s eyes widen a bit. There had been hushed whispers in the past. Funnily enough, your chivalric knight had the same idea Aegon did. Kill her before it gets too far.

“Sweet daughter, you are not thinking clearly,” the desperation that was once in your voice has now transferred to Alicent’s.

“She made a threat against the son of a Prince of the Realm. That is treason, and calls for punishment.”

“That is enough,” Aemond raises his voice. An unwavering glare pointed on your direction. “This discussion is over.”

You stare in disbelief as he walks out the room. Alicent looks as if she wants to say something, but just sighs and follows her son out. Lord Larys does not even give you a glance as we walks by, trying to catch up to Alicent. Silence permeates in the room, as you stare at the door. Foolishly expecting one of them to turn back around.

“We can figure something out,” Aegon finally speaks up.

A lump grows in your throat. You look down at the dried blood on your hands and dress.

“Give me the room please,” you mutter to him and Quinton. Neither of them move. “I need to change. Just please go.”

Your voice cracks at the end. They both have seen you cry before, more times than you are proud of. But there is something different about this time. More painful; more humiliating. You do not want to be seen this way.

“I will be outside if you need me,” Quinton says softly.

When the door finally shuts, your legs give out from under you. A sob caught in your throat as you take in the room. Your watery eye land on the chest full of dresses. Some a deep red, others vivid green. Pristine and pressed.

Your life sullied… just like your favorite purple dress.

The feast goes as expected. People dote on Daella and Alaric. Aemond and Alicent keep their distance; Alicent spares you sympathetic glances when she thinks you are not looking. Your mother does not seem to pick up on your discomfort. Your father, on the other hand, continues to give you puzzled looks throughout. Especially when you came back in a different dress.

There was a rush of relief that follows when your father suggest the children visiting your home. Anything that gets you away from King’s Landing is welcomed. Even if it is for a short time.

Your worries seems to get push to the side when news of Lord Corlys Velaryons declining health hits the Red Keep. The Queen, who already spends her days caring for a sick king, must now concern herself with the issues that arise from a sick lord.

Daella and Alaric have not left you sight. Much to her surprise and enjoyment, you even joined Daella in the Dragonpit and in the library for her lessons. The constant vigilance extends to them coming with you to the Grand Sept.

Jayne keeping them company, and Quinton watching on as you kneel in front of the candles.

There is so much for you to pray for, you do not know where to begin. Before you eyes can flutter shut, a voice interrupts you.

“I was hoping to find you here,” the familiar deep timber of Lord Hightower’s voice.

He kneels beside you with a gruff groan. Otto Hightower is not a man you speak with often, and by choice. An intimating man through and through.

“I am glad to see you are well,” he starts blowing out one of the incense sticks. “Especially after what happened at the feast.”

As Hand of the King, and now acting in place of Viserys as his health declines, it should not surprise you he knows. It is his job to know everything, but mentions of your behavior still makes you shift nervously.

“It is a shamed. What bullishness can bring; Aemond has always been too proud for his own good, even when wrong.”

You furrow your eyes, and turn to look at him as he continues.

“You and your children are very important to this family, especially now,” he says softly.

He means your money is important to him. He means the fleet that sits on the outside west of Westeros is important to him.

“So, if you still want that problem taken care of permanently. There are those that would be happy to find her and do that.”

Talk of murder in the sept… the irony is not lost on you. Killing Alys means possibly murdering a child. It was one the reasons why you felt so guilty about what happened at the feast. Larys had told you sick rumors, one about what she does to her children. Though your expectation of her are low, you can not imagine even her doing such heinous things. Her state leaves you utterly confused.

Your silence seems to give him all the answers he needs.

“I will leave you to your prayers,” Otto starts to get up.

Alaric’s babbling grows as Daella rubs his head while Jayne holds him. Your babies.

You grab Otto’s hand before he can fully get up.

“After the deed is done, bury her near Harrenhal. Let her be on her ancestral home,” you say lowly, eyes trained on your children before flittering over to his.

Otto gives you a head and a smile before getting up.

Targaryens take care of their own. It is time you do the same. The Mother will understand.

Aemond is tense, even more than usual. At first you thought he knew. That maybe he could smell the anguish on you. The suspicions of him knowing about you giving his grandsire the go ahead diminished when you learned that Rhaenyra and her family were coming back to the Red Keep.

With the Driftmark claim up in the air, the castle is expecting many visitors.

A part of you can not blame Aemond for being on guard. The history between the other side of his family is bad for obvious reasons. There will also be a divide and uneasy feeling now.

It is the anxious feeling that washes over when you see Prince Daemon walking towards you. Instinctively clutch Alaric closer to you, bouncing him as he begins to fuss. With all the self-assurance in the world, there is something eye catching about the bravado Daemon Targaryen has. His confidence would be a trait you admired if it did not often go hand in hand with his arrogance.

The last time you saw the Prince was at your wedding. A surprise to everyone, especially Alicent and Viserys. The joy Viserys showed when seeing his brother dimmed when Daemon made it clear he was not staying afterwards. Lady Baela and Lady Rhaena, his daughters, sending well wishes and gorgeous jewelry. Pearls from the Driftmark Seas and rubies earrings that you are sure from Pentos. Your family frequented Pentos during the summers when you were younger, the three of you crossing paths briefly during that time.

His appearance at your wedding was a confusing to both Aemond and you, especially since he came alone. No Rhaenyra in sight. A crude choice on the princess’ part your mother remarked.

“Ah there is my niece and my grandnephew,” his smile is bright. Brighter than you expected considering why he is here, and the state his brother is in.

You were expecting a cold reception, one to the match the treatment they received. You exchanged a knowing look with Aegon when all of you were told not to greet them on their arrival.

A fake smile fights to replace the furrowed look on your face.

“Prince Daemon, I hope your trip from Dragonstone was well,” you catch how his eyes instantly go to Alaric in your arms. The Godswood is quiet except for you two, and the sound of chirping birds.

“Would have been smoother on dragon back,” he shrugs. “I am glad to see all is well.”

He holds his arms out expectedly. You blink at him, and his blinks back; realizing he is not one to back down, you gently hand over Alaric. Alaric tiny hand reaches out to touch the shiny material of Daemon’s coat.

Daemon resolves brightens even more when Alaric is placed in his arms. You know him and Rhaenyra have had children, with one on the way. You wonder if that positive disposition has been shown to Baela and Rhaena. Or even to Rhaenyra’s other children.

“He looks like his father,” he gives you a sly smile. This time you can not try to muster up a fake smile. “How is he, your husband?”

He is goading you. Even from the handful of times you have been around Daemon, you know he likes playing these games. Riddles and leg pulling; he likes knocking people on their asses. It is the warrior in him.

“He is doing well,” short and sweet, the best way to go you think. Daemon gives you smirk in return. As if in his head, he is laughing at a joke that you are clearly not in on. You tilt your head in confusion.

“That is good to hear,” he does nothing to squash the curious look on your face. The uneasiness comes back. Thankfully before it can go any further, Helaena calls your name from across the garden, stating that Daella wanted to show you something. You can tell by the smile she gives you, it is a lie. You are once again reminded of why you are eternally grateful to call her sister.

“Duty calls.”

His tone is light but his eyes say something more. What they say is something you are still unsure of. He hands Alaric back to you. As you walk away, you can feel his eyes on your back.

The fleeting happiness you got from seeing Baela and Rhaena came to a screeching halt once the petitions are heard the Great Hall.

Who held the throne of Driftmark after Lord Corlys eventually passes was of no consequences. Everyone knew this was for something bigger. To call Lucerys Velaryon’s claim into question meant calling his mother’s as well. There was a sense of disappoint that tugs at you when the doors swept open to show a hunched, and rotting Viserys. His ability to prioritize Rhaenyra over his other children should not surprise you, but as a mother it still makes you upset. You can’t imagine not fiercely defending both of your kids equally. You see the looks on Aegon, Aemond, and Helaena’s faces; it tells you everything, more than the look on Rhaenyra’s.

You raise a brow at Rhaena from across the room when her grandmother announces her and her sister’s betrothals. She shrugs back at you. You want to let out a sardonic laugh. Another generation of girls bound by what good for their parents, bound by what will be good for others.

Thoughts are broken by Lord Vaemond Velaryon’s angry words ringing out. His actions may not be what you have done, but you understand his ire. There is a irony to House Targaryen, one that fiercely protects its own blood to the point of incest, snuffing out another house.

Daemon has a look in his eye. Much like the one he gave you when he asked about Aemond. He is itching for a reason to say or do something. Vaemond gives the perfect opportunity.

Loud gasp fall over the Great Hall when Vaemond body and head hit the ground… separate from each other. Both Helaena and you instinctively turn away in shock. You do not consider yourself a squeamish person, but there is something about it that makes your stomach churn. Aemond’s hand goes to yours, and he squeezes it. You can’t remember the last time you two have held hands.

It could be the obviously grotesque nature of it all. Or how inconsequential lives seem to those who get in the way of this family. It makes you think of Alys. Are you like that now? Years of being in this family making it easy for you to digest moving pieces on a board?

Vaemond’s body gets carried out, with Rhaenys following closely behind. The Queen Who Never Was; life riddled with loss, and now her good brother can be added to the list. You wait for Aemond to let go of your hand, but once Rhaenyra and Alicent finish watching Viserys leave the Great Hall, she sets her eyes on you.

“I was hoping we could have tea,” she eyes Aemond who makes no effort to move from semi in front of you.

Rhaenyra is a hard person to say no to, and she clearly knows it. So, when you simply nod, she gives you smile. She holds out her arm for you to take it. As you two walk out of the Great Hall, you look back. You expect to see Aemond or Aegon looking at you, but instead your eyes catch Alicent’s.

A sad look of longing etched into her pretty face.

“They are darling,” Rhaenyra remarks in a hushed tone as you two watch Daella interact with little Aegon and Viserys. Alaric resting near the two of you.

Jayne had made sure tea and mini tarts had been brought to the Princess’ chambers.

“I am secretly hoping this one is a girl.”

She smiles softly at you, rubbing her swollen belly. You know she must crave that bond between mother and daughter, especially after the untimely death of her own.

“I was surprised you wanted to have tea,” the small talk was sweet, but you knew it was leading to something else. Your walls up even more after your conversation with her husband.

“I was worried that you might have took me not coming to your wedding as… a slight on you,” she starts. “That was never the case. I just felt that it would be best for me and my children to stay away.”

Outside of the snide comment made my your mother and Alicent, her absence did not concern you. You keep that you think Aemond was happy she was not there to yourself. It had been years, and you could count on one hand how many times you thought about it.

“Jacaerys was quite upset with me,” she laughs a bit. “I think he wanted to see if it was actually happening. Uncle Aemond getting married to pretty girl from court.”

You did not return the laugh. You knew little of her oldest boys, the only things you have heard came from Aemond and Aegon. Not positive representations you are sure.

“As we move past that, I want to say that if you need anything, I am here. If you need any help… any advice or a place to stay. You are welcome at Dragonstone.”

The words make your wandering eyes snap to hers. Rhaenyra gives you a look. The Realm’s Delight sitting across from you in all her glory. Her form of intimidation is different from her husband or her half brothers. A presence that is hard to come by, and even more difficult to replicate.

They know.

You don’t know how, but they do. They are dangling it in front of your face. Taunting you, and your crumbling marriage. Showing weakness at this point will do you no good, not until you have proof or an explanation.

“Thank you Princess,” you lean over to pick up Alaric gently. You need to get out of here. “If I need any advice on fickle men, I will come to you. I know have your fair share of experience with that.”

Rhaenyra’s confident look flatters a bit. She hums softly.

“Daella love, let us go see how grandmother is doing,” you pick an excuse to leave. The mention of Alicent makes Rhaenyra frown. Her light eyes darkening with sadness.

As you leave the the Princess’ chambers, it comes to you. How the hell did Aemond and Alys even meet?

You have seen first hand that being around her grandchildren is the only time Alicent happy. Unabashedly sweet and warm; dimples on full display. The two of you had not had a real conversation since the feast, but you knew better than to keep your kids away from their grandmother. It was the quickest way to anger her.

“Rhaenyra would not do that,” her tone reminds you so much of her son. So certain, as if it was an insult to question the virtue of the people they… love. “Maybe she actually wants to help.”

“They both know. I cannot explain it, but they know about Alys or they at least know she was here.”

Her shoulder slump as Alaric reaches out to touch the large seven pointed star dangling from her neck. Alicent’s ability to defend Rhaenyra will always leave you a bit speechless. If one of the boys ever said something disparaging about their half-sister, Alicent was the first to give them a warning look. She was allowed to be upset, they were not. A fractured relationship being held together by longing.

“I understand it…. How hard it is,” you shuffle closer to her. “Having your mind consumed by someone who does not extend that same grace for your feelings.”

“I did not think she would go after the children,” Alicent whispers. “I get why you would want her…”

She trails off. Her big eyes get glassy, and she swallows thickly. She does not say anything as she looks into fire. She reminds you of a painted tapestry. Beautiful and tragic.

“Princess Rhaenyra may not have orchestrated anything. But do we put it past Prince Daemon?”

“We will figure it out,” Alicent says after a bit of silence. “You are right, something is off.”

A thought comes to your mind. “Do you know what Prince Daemon for Aemond as wedding gift?”

Daemon never got you a gift, simply giving you the ones Baela and Rhaena sent. But you vividly remember him getting Aemond something. Alicent thinks for a second for her brows raise in realization.

“A book of stories about warriors from the across the Realm,” how was he putting that to good use, “Oh, a map of the red keep. I silly wedding gift if you ask me.”

She shrugs. Your eyes go to fire to. A map seems inconsequential enough, but as your growing paranoia seeps into everything it becomes clear.

You must find this map.

Tag list (sorry to anyone I miss): @callsign-blue @hydrationqueensworld @flowerpotmage @giulia2372 @lol-im-done @dc-marvel-girl96 @iwanttohitmyself @crazylokonugget @xkennobi @tiddieshakeshownu @lwqfhp @lyra689 @ietss @enbywan @rialikesbts @lyannesworld @mendes-bae @123forgottherest @yentroucnagol @cecespizza01 @mihrimahsultan03 @hotd-fic @the-time-is-a-thief @kaicyl @ly17 @bbylime @stella-cadente @bellameshipper @happinessinthebeing @shamelessblazecrown @whodis-26 @queenofshinigamis @minthermie @aloneatpeace @psychadelichues @oh-thats-cute @vgucciking @leah-also-known-as-creatoronwp @zondereleutheromania @liathelioness @msmarvel-19 @archikina @lady-stark-winter-rose @dcfamily5807

[chorusfm]

Natalie Shay – “The Edge” (Video Premiere)

Today indie-pop singer Natalie Shay has returned with a new single and lyric video for “The Edge.” The song is about a painful situation between herself and her friendship with her best friend dissolving quickly. Shay mentioned, “This is one of my favorite songs I’ve ever released, and as the feelings are still very raw, I’m hoping to find closure in this.” If you’re ready to cry along with Natalie Shay, you’ve come to the right place. I was also able to catch up with Natalie for a brief interview below. Your new single “The Edge” speaks on the turbulent end of a meaningful relationship – was writing about this experience and being so openly vulnerable difficult for you in any way? I think the release of the song is more difficult in terms of vulnerability than the writing. Writing is my therapy, if I can get an emotion or feeling represented perfectly by a song, it helps me process and attempt to move on. However this is the first song I have released whilst I am still in the middle of the emotion / event that it’s about. It’s quite a different feeling. A lot of people will know the friendship that the song is about, I guess part of me is excited for those people to hear the song in context. And for anyone new, I hope the lyrics can be relatable and get someone else through a similar experience. Friend breakups are so common, and can often hurt as much if not more than a romantic break up. Sonically, where do you derive inspiration from? How would you best describe your sound for people who are just being introduced to you? Indie pop! But stemming from a traditional singer / songwriter base. I’m super into indie pop and 80s inspired indie pop production and guitars. So, I guess my sound is essentially acoustic guitar written songs produced up in a fresh indie pop style designed to be played live with enough ear candy to keep you interested for the full 3-4 minutes (hopefully). How would you say “The Edge” and B-side “Everything’s Been Happening” play off of each other? How do they collectively relate to your previous releases and hint at what is to come? Both songs are about the same event. Written around the same time. “The Edge” is about the raw emotion, and the B-side came slightly after the anger and pain had dimmed. It’s a reflective track about the attempt at understanding the route of the breakdown and how the events affected my life in the months following it. I see this release as a pretty standalone piece, but directionally progressive. Do you have any other release plans for this year? What can you tell me about that? Definitely! I may have the next release already planned.  But I want to take this year one theme at a time. I’ve also started working on my next EP! --- Please consider becoming a member so we can keep bringing you stories like this one. ◎ https://chorus.fm/features/natalie-shay-the-edge-video-premiere/

[mindmeltonabun-blog]

Tale of the Nine Tailed: Explanation of Lee Rang’s Death and Lee Yeon’s Ending Scene

Well folks...here we are once again. I did say that I would not write another TOTNT post unless there was anything worth discussing in the finale. I know many of you may feel utterly devastated or somewhat confused by how TOTNT ended, but I hope my post will be able to comfort you somehow. Anyways, let’s put on our thinking caps one last time for TOTNT!

Lee Rang’s Death

One of the biggest complaints many have had is the death of Lee Rang. Many said that the writer did him dirty while others wished that Lee Yeon and Ji Ah would’ve died instead. However, when we looked at his character arc’s as a whole, his death was justified. We mustn’t forget that he murdered hundreds possibly thousands in wake of his anger. 

Yes, he did do some good towards the end of his life such as taking in Yuri and Kim Soo, but that shouldn’t discredit all the atrocious acts he had committed in the past. Saving the life of two people doesn’t make up for all of the lives he had taken. Additionally, it is noted that Lee Rang did also assist the Imoogi’s group to bring the Imoogi back to life which caused for a slew of horrible events to occur in the first place. 

In the end, it was Lee Rang’s turn to sacrifice for the one he loved. Everything in TOTNT is cyclic if you think about it. First Ah Eum died to save Lee Yeon then Lee Yeon died to save Ji Ah. Therefore, it was only logical that it was Lee Rang’s turn to die for the one he loved which was Lee Yeon. 

Everything in life isn’t all rainbows and sunshine, what matters is what you do despite being dealt a bad fate. Both Lee Yeon and Ah Eum/Ji Ah weren’t dealt with a particularly good fate, but yet they still remained good people. Unfortunately, the same couldn’t be said for Lee Rang. Yes, he was dealt with a bad fate with having been born with a mother who didn’t want him, but he was also lucky because he had been taken in by a brother who greatly cherished him. Instead of appreciating the time he shared with Lee Yeon and remaining a good person even after the events of Lee Yeon leaving for the Samcheon River, Lee Rang still decided to take a turn for the worst. 

Over and over again, Lee Rang had escaped the punishment he so rightly deserved. For example, even after killing those villagers, Lee Yeon spared his life. Lee Rang had been basically living off on borrowed time. In a way, Lee Rang was lucky that during that borrowed time he was able to resolve the misunderstanding he had with Lee Yeon as well as have a small family of his own. Finally, if there’s anything TOTNT has taught us, it’s that if something is the will of the afterlife judges, it will be carried out eventually. One can’t escape their punishment.

In my opinion, things could have gone a lot worse for Lee Rang in the end. Meaning he could have been reborn as a shrimp. Instead, the afterlife judges granted him reincarnation as a boy who had a mother who cared for him and granted him his last wish which was to meet his brother again. He got all of wishes fulfilled. Thus, it was a satisfying ending for Lee Rang. 

Update 12/07/2020: Does Lee Yeon Meeting Reincarnated Lee Rang Indicate Many Years Have Passed?

No, it doesn’t. The team probably wanted to use the same child actor (Joo Won Lee; DOB: 05/03/2011) as to imply that Lee Rang had been successfully reincarnated. Sure, they could’ve used someone who was a few months old, but how then would Lee Yeon recognize Lee Rang ? Remember that Lee Yeon only met Lee Rang when he was around 9 years old. There would be no way for Lee Yeon to recognize what a few months old Lee Rang could’ve looked like. Get it ? Again, Lee Yeon meeting reincarnated Lee Rang happened in 2021!

Why Does Lee Yeon Still Have His Gumiho Powers?           

Initially, when I first watched this I was beyond shocked, left confused, and was rethinking my opinion of Lee Yeon as a good person. However, once I watched it with subs and then did a little research into how Gumihos can become human, the ending scene made sense. Again, everyone should’ve taken Jo Bo Ah’s advice of looking up myths and see to how they pertain to whatever happened in TOTNT.

Anyways, in legends, Gumihos can become human in the following ways:

1)    Refrain from killing and eating humans for 1000 days

2)    The human who found out a Gumiho’s true nature, must tell no one of its secret for 10 years

3)    Over a period of 100 days (other versions say 1000 days or ~3 years), Kumiho must not be detected by the human they are married to.  If the Gumiho fails on this quest, they will lose any chance of becoming human and will be a Gumiho for 1000 years

4)    Gumiho must consume the livers of 1000 humans over 1000 years. If they do not do this by the end of 1000 years, the Gumiho will dissolve in foam/bubbles

In particular, the ending scenes was in reference to #3. When Lee Yeon had came back to life, he was still technically a Gumiho hence why he could enter the Office of the Afterlife. I know you might ask well why didn’t Taluipa or Shin Ju sense he was still a fox? Because at the same time Lee Yeon was human, but only during the day or nights when there wasn’t a full moon (read further below for an explanation). Additionally, Lee Yeon probably didn’t tell Shin Ju because he didn’t want there to be any possibility that information would get leaked to Ji Ah. Better safe than sorry was Lee Yeon’s personal philosophy!  

Although, Lee Yeon did come pretty close to being discovered as a Gumiho when he let it slip that he knew that their child would be a daughter. This all goes back to the intro in Ep 1 where it is said that Gumihos have the “ability to see miles ahead”. Luckily for Lee Yeon, he convincingly tricked Ji Ah and played it off as he was just saying weird things.

Until his 100 days were up, Lee Yeon had to keep his Gumiho nature hidden from the only person who mattered which was Ji Ah. Let’s be honest here, it’s really hard to trick Ji Ah so Lee Yeon had to be super careful around her. Usually in legends, Gumihos fall short of reaching the 100 days because they are discovered by their betrothed. During Lee Yeon’s 3 months transitional phase of becoming human, a situation arose that could’ve have caused Ji Ah to discover that Lee Yeon was still a Gumiho aka Mr Samjae entering into Ji Ah’s life. 

This caused a problem because whatever misfortune befell on Ji Ah it would also inadvertently affect Lee Yeon too. Meaning that if Lee Yeon didn’t get rid of the Samjae, it could cause Ji Ah the misfortune of finding out Lee Yeon still was a Gumiho, thus ruining his plan of ever becoming human. 

The only way anyone could tell Lee Yeon was still a Gumiho was to have seen him during a full moon. This was in reference to how in legends, werewolves (also in the same canine family as a fox) can only undergo transformation into a wolf when there was a full moon (symbolistic of metamorphosis). So while in the transitional state of Gumiho and human, Lee Yeon was able to take advantage of there being a full moon to be able to transform into a Gumiho. Subsequently, Lee Yeon then used his Gumiho abilities to rid of Mr. Samjae Spirit. Thus, Lee Yeon eliminated a potential threat that could have caused Ji Ah to find out his Gumiho nature before the 3 months of remaining undetected was completed.

Flash forward approximately 3-4 years later after Lee Yeon’s face off with the Samjae, Lee Yeon is now seen as having been successful at becoming a full human as well as having daughter with Ji Ah as seen here in the following pictures (family picnic). My only complaint is that the production/editing team ended up deciding to not include the following scene. I do not know whether it was their decision or the writer’s to not include this. There could be numerous reasons why such as they had wanted to leave the possibility of there being a season 2 or there was limited time allotted for the length of ep 16 or the writer had wanted to leave an open ending. Whatever the reason, I do hope we will eventually show this to us. In doing so, they would give so many of us the proper closure we needed for TOTNT!

Side note, it looks like Lee Yeon and Ji Ah did end up introducing their daughter to her adoptive grandparents. Awww!

Updated 12/07/2020: Timeline of Samjae + Lee Yeon’s Transitional Period

There were also a bunch of questions concerning when exactly the whole scenes with Ji Ah and Lee Yeon had occurred. This occurred in 2021.

Samjae is believed to occur over a three-year period, and follows calculations based on the twelve zodiac signs. The first of the three years is known as deulsamjae (Kor. 들삼재, lit. entering the three calamities), the second, nuulsamjae (Kor. 누울삼재, lit. middle of calamities), and the third, nalsamjae (Kor. 날삼재, exiting the three calamities). The first year in this three-year cycle is supposed to be the most unfortunate. 

Source: https://folkency.nfm.go.kr/en/topic/detail/4151

So doing a little math, one will be able to see what years the Samjae entered (deulsamjae), remained (nuulsamjae), and then exited (nalsamjae). So the Samjae entered into Ji Ah’s life in 1994, 2003, 2012, and 2021. The cycle of every 9 years refers to the time period from one Deulsamjae year to the next (not every 9 years from her year of birth). For example, 1994 + 9 = 2003, 2003 + 9 = 2012, and 2012 + 9 = 2021.

What the show was trying to convey is that when Mr. Samjae came into Ji Ah’s life, it also coincided at the same time as Lee Yeon’s 3 months transitional period. Additionally, there were some who asked, “Aren't we to assume that many years have passed because Lee Yeon did say first root canal, first picnic, first snowfall, etc ?”. No, I took that scene as him mentioning things he either already did or will eventually experience.

Anyways, I really didn’t think I needed to point all of this out because I had assumed you all would’ve put on your thinking caps by now!

Last Remarks.

I hope that this post was able to resolve any confusion many of you may have had about the last episode. The writer did truly keep us on our toes until the very end. But with a little research into myths as well as analyzing everything as a whole, one should’ve been able to understand where the writer was coming from. Again, I want to give a big thanks to the cast, crew, and writer for all their hard work to give us TOTNT!

[whenimgoodandready]

🚨GUYS! I THINK I JUST CAME TO A SUSPICIOUS THEORY ABOUT ZOE! A.K.A. THE NEW QUEEN BEE!🚨

Ever since we were (partially) introduced to Zoe (a.k.a. New Queen Bee) we’ve all had these theories about her from her blurry pics to her face reveal and it ranged from “Chloe in disguise” to “secret sibling” (before we found out she was legit her own person). But I’ve had this theory about her from a couple of years ago and I think she’s a sentimonster sent out for Marinette! My friend @wild-mare-of-prosecution thought so too! From Chloe’s negative feelings! Like what happened with “Sentibug” in “Ladybug”, we believe she was created by Hawk Shadow Moth to befriend Ladybug, gain her trust, make her the new Queen Bee (Vesperia in her case) and then steal it for him! You may be wondering what this has to do with Marinette since he doesn’t know she’s Ladybug? Well, I’ll explain! Ahem:

From one of the trailers for Season 4, Marinette is having a breakdown over a full plate of responsibilities now that she’s the guardian of the miracle box and is forced to distance herself from her loved ones such as her boyfriend, friends and family in order to keep it a secret which gets the girl squad upset and akumatized in a soon-to-be episode cuz of it. I don’t know if this will eventually be resolved in the end like most eps or they’ll see each other less and less as the season (or show) goes on, but here’s where Zoe comes in.

Meet Zoe! (Not sure if it’s pronounced Zoe or Zoey, but we’ll find out later). She’s gonna be the new Queen Bee (Vesperia) and befriend Marinette and is “very sweet”.......that’s it, that’s all we know of her! I’m sure we’ll get more intel when the season comes out and get to know her a lot better. As mentioned from above, some fans assumed she was a long lost or “secret sibling”, like a twin, of Chloe or Chloe herself in disguise, but no! It’s genuinely Zoe as her own person and everything. A lot of fans have pointed out that her outfit vaguely resembles Marinettes only with the color yellow and how it was suspicious. A funny thing is when fans thought it was Chloe in (paper thin) disguise (or trying and failing to be a better person to earn back her miraculous) from the blurry pics, they believed this is how Chloe thought “poor” people dressed and tried to be nice to Marinette hoping Ladybug would notice and give her back her miraculous! Lol! Any who, my friend pointed out how she also looked kinda like Alix , and then Juleka, and then it hit her! (ding)💡She looks like a mix of the whole girl squad!

She has Marinettes clothes!

They wear a white T-shirt w/ a pink flower(s) on it under a black jacket and signature color coded pants! Marinette (pink) and Zoe (yellow).

Alix’s funky shoes!

Alix wears those colored checkerboard patterns and Zoe’s are a rainbow abstract graffiti art type that Alix does in art class!

Julekas streak!

Both have it on their bangs! Juleka (purple) and Zoe (pink).

Roses sweetness!

Rose is the most sensitive, innocent and sweetest girl in school and the only personality trait we got from Zoe is that she’s “very sweet” (note the quotation marks in that. It means something suspicious).

Possibly a replacement best friend and #1 Fan to Marinette and Ladybug from Alya!

Because of the stress of superhero life combined with her new guardianship along with her school/social/love life, Marinette has no time for hang outs with Alya (and the squad) and we know how annoyed she (Alya) is with her constant weird excuses to “disappear”. Zoe might fill in that spot since she she’s the newest girl in the show and might instantly bond with Marinette and won’t mind her weird excuses and disappearances. She could also be a huge fan of Ladybug after Ladybug saves her from a sentimonster on a motorbike and there was one scene where Ladybug was giving the Fox miraculous to someone off-screen and it might be Zoe! (before the bee miraculous that is) cuz she can’t give it to Alya anymore sadly due to last seasons events.

And (not a member of the girl squad, but it’s too obvious to not lampshade) Chloe’s looks!

Blonde✅Blue Eyed✅Wear Yellow✅Have (Had) Bee Miraculous✅Nice Personality Chloe(❌) and Zoe (✅). Yeah that’s the only major difference. Could they be polar opposites to each other? Are they related? Who the f**k knows! But I’m saying she’s (Zoe) a sentimonster and my friend says she’s Chloe’s sentimonster from her anger/jealousy that Zoe will be taking her place as the new Queen Bee.

As for Mylene, well uh.............uhhhhhhh

.........they both wear headwear? (crickets chirp). Okay, so it’s a stupid reason! But I had to include Mylene in here with something! :P.

Now that I’ve explained how my friend found out Zoe is a Frankenstein’s (senti)monster mash up of the girl squad to possibly replace them all, you’re probably still wondering where all this all fits in with Marinette. Weeeeeeell, Remember “Ladybug”? Well, in that ep., Lila had done the impossible......get Marinette akumatized! She had her framed for cheating, violence and theft which got her expelled and make her and everyone else feel miserable. With all those negative feelings, it nearly got her and everyone else akumatized as a repeat of the “Heroes Day” special cuz everyone loves Marinette so much and it kills them inside that she won’t be around much like how they thought Ladybug had turned evil and killed Cat Noir (actually an illusion by Volpina) which upset everyone to get akumatized. Fortunately, Catalyst felt faint so the repeat backfired.

I’m guessing Shadow Moth is using Zoe being a sentimonster made up by him to earn her trust as much as Ladybugs to steal the bee miraculous and hand it over to him, but with Marinette, he really wants to target her since he’s failed to due so a few times and believes making her “Princess Justice” will do the trick in finally defeating Ladybug and Cat Noir to get their miraculouses. He senses how miserable and frustrated Marinette is with practically no friends, so he created Zoe to befriend her and then later when it’s revealed she’s a sentimonster, it crushes Marinette so much, that she’s still friendless, alone, betrayed and lied to, that she’ll be akumatized fully and Shadow Moth will win cuz now there’s no Ladybug to stop him and she’ll probably hand over the Ladybug miraculous to him herself! Don! Don! Don!

That’s my theory along with my friends. And now, we wait for the truth😑.

[vaguely-gestures-to-the-void]

Hindsight: My thoughts on Loki (2021)

Welcome back folks. Read the innocence dying inside me as I accept that this show eats my expectations for lunch and leaves me like it's going to buy milk.

As a side note from what I said in my first review, here’s an interesting article. Apparently I was clowning because the Gobi desert scene was filmed (probably? idk) with the tech from the Mandalorian. I think the studios were the same. Oh well. https://www.atlasofwonders.com/2021/06/loki-filming-locations.html

Episode 4: THE NEXUS EVENT

Pre-title scene

The new perspective of Asgard is incredible.

Oh baby Sylvie, what did they do to you. Also, RAVONNA??

The TVA through a child’s eyes is heartbreaking. The mixed use of shots that were familiar (the feet walking into the TVA) and new (the TVA logo on the floor) convey how though routine, this is an alien experience for Sylvie.

She too wants to help the man being dragged in. Maybe Sylvie was a better person than Loki, the TVA taking her away was what changed it.

We don’t see Casey, but iIt’s the same ‘sign here’ guy. The changing perspective and music really alters the mood created, contrasting the whimsical procedure we followed in episode one.

She hadn’t even said much in her life. They knew how to influence the audience’s emotions, that's for sure. Props to the actress, I felt genuine concern for her before I remembered that she’s acting.

TVA

Ravonna probably underestimated Sylvie as a Loki, a mistake that cost her greatly.

The golden doors.

Ravonna looks tense and a bit fearful.

Scattered throughout the episode are eyes watching. George Orwell’s 1984, anyone?

Big Brother is watching.

Mobius! He’s a good friend to Ravonna, but there’s a power imbalance.

Ravonna is shaken. Her past failure is haunting her.

Someone edit the “What? How?” into “Wow.” It’ll be a service.

Lamentis - 1

Loki’s apology and Sylvie reflecting on her childhood are the conclusion to the previous episode. Faced with death, Loki realises that her goals were hindered by his actions. His apology is the first time he acknowledges he had something to do with it. Sylvie’s offering her emotional vulnerability in the form of memories. Her mind and experiences are her most prized possession because they’re all she has of the person who she was as Loki, her childhood and what she was supposed to be. Her glorious purpose, what really makes a Loki a ‘Loki’ was her life.

THEY TRUST EACH OTHER. THIS WAS WHAT CAUSED THE NEXUS EVENT.

C H A R A C T E R D E V E L O P M E N T.

Ravonna pointed out that Loki will always be a “lying scourge” but they went against this. In any timeline, this could cause a nexus event. They found a middle ground.

“That should be setting off alarms if someone steps on the wrong leaf.” I had a whole idea about entropy and the timeline being an isolated system but I struggled to define an isolated system, and thus I couldn’t use the whole irreversible process causing entropy to grow causing a br- if you have a clue of what I’m going on about, or want to know more, I’ll explain my thoughts. I can understand why this isn’t scientifically accurate and I’m no physicist.

The unbranched timeline means all the things that were speculated - Wanda’s kids, what happened on Saakar, all of it - is gone.

“Any news on C - 20?”I called it! B-15 is having doubts! Her subtle unease building up throughout the ep is perfect!

Most settlements have a street design that can be from space. Sharru doesn’t.

“No. We may lose... ...you’re amazing!” Damn it literally took the end of a world for Loki to change as a person.

“Their smiles. If that isn’t people accepting their deaths I don’t know what is. Man, I just want both of them to be happy.

Please don’t let that be the love theme, it’s so pretty.

The music fading into the TVA theme as they get separated is so sad.

Time Theater 25

Back to square one in terms of trust with these two, but now they have history and hurt feelings too!

Oh Mobius.

Cycles are a part of who Loki is within Norse mythology (from what I know, correct me if I’m wrong). This scene is conflict.

Loki needs both Mobius and Sylvie to incite change. One can empathise whilst the other believes in him.

Mobius believes in Loki like no one else in the TVA. He treats him like an individual, they developed a bond in episode 2, so his disappointment and anger were genuine. This is reflected in their dialogue.

Even when Loki was going through all the Feels in ep 1, he didn’t shout at Mobius. It makes it more heartbreaking when Mobius laughs and dismisses him after the “TVA is lying to you” thing. His laugh was so bitter, it’s like his belief that Loki would be the variant to prove that variants were individuals had been shattered. What Mobius doesn’t realise is that Loki was genuinely trying to warn him. The trust between them was fragile but Mobius needed to come to his own conclusions before he could see that Loki had broken out of the mold the Time Keepers set for him.

“Just kind of an asshole and a bad friend.” Y’all, Mobius doesn’t rise to Loki’s baits. He’s so hurt.

I can’t be the only one that thought Loki was going to be brainwashed when they saw the red door. Turns out it’s just a time cell.

I love Mobius but he makes me feel so conflicted. Oh shit, he’s my problematic fave.

Watching Loki get his ass handed to him by Lady Sif shouldn’t be this funny.

This particular memory reflects what Mobius will talk about later, Loki being abandon by the people around him.

Putting Loki through a memory that was physically and emotionally painful was nasty. If you hear something horrible, over and over especially from a friend it would take a toll on your self-perception. Mobius was hurt by Loki leaving him, he’s getting revenge whilst doing his job and getting into Loki’s head.

Ravonna’s office

Ravonna has hang ups from failing with Sylvie. Who she is and what she knows is going to be interesting.

Heck I just realised are Mobius’ lapels not real? They look fake.

I wonder whether the “mastermind” thing was foreshadowing the next ep.

Am I the only one who thinks this isn’t the first Loki Mobius has dealt with? Could that mean there’s a reunion next ep?!

“Variant pet.” There’s a culture of dehumanising variants within the TVA.

The cuts showing both B-15 and Mobius’ faces reminds me of ep 1, but now there’s a new angle to things. B-15 certainly sees things differently.

Time Theatre 25

Lady Sif would kill with short hair. Or long hair. It’s Lady Sif, she’s a badass.

Loki’s exhale reminds me of how he tenses before a fight.

Notable things about this scene:

Heavy use of metaphors to trade jabs.

The lights are shifting in a consistent pattern, scanning the room almost.

Shots are constantly moving and cutting.

Loki’s speech pattern changes when he’s lying. Nice touch there.

When they start arguing in earnest, the shots are close ups of their faces, not circling around each other.

Loki was at first willing to talk to Mobius if he was treated with respect, the way they engaged in episode 2. He also wants to trust that Mobius won’t kill him. Mobius dismisses him (rightly so, his trust is gone) and Loki’s pride about ‘not working for anyone’ gets in the way rather than listening to each other. Loki’s behaviour is cyclic and his lying about Sylvie affirms Mobius’s understanding that Loki won’t (or maybe can’t) change. I wouldn’t be too surprised if Mobius is a Loki, the man’s uncannily good at reading him. He deduces that Loki and Sylvie have a bond and unsettles Loki to get answers out of him, because he knows that’s the only way he can force Loki to reveal his cards. He definitely wasn’t expecting Loki’s earlier admission to be the truth. What Mobius did was not right, but it sure was effective.

“No. Not partners.” I believe this. They had an understanding, but their goals differ. Maybe just give Sylvie her own show.

“Guess you don’t do partners.” MOBIUS WHY ARE YOU SO BUTT-HURT? Probably to make Loki feel bad ik, but it’s still funny to think Lightning McQueen is salty.

That memory really hurt Loki. He stuttered.

Loki fixates on Sylvie rather than his own freedom. This was the cue to Mobius to start interrogating.

Bruh, the feeling they were experiencing better be friendship.

This made me uncomfortable because I was so sure we weren’t gonna get a romantic subplot that I related the characters to my actual family relationships. Marvel. Why?

The music combined with Mobius’ subtle shift in demeanor from irritated to mockery was very unsettling to me. I never realised how good an actor Owen Wilson was.

“Our interests are aligned.” Once Mobius tells him the truth, Loki does the same. I really hope this is the extent of their relationship. Just let them recognise one another as equals. Please Marvel.

Mobius’ hands twitching, the slight swallow. Yeesh, he certainly doesn’t think Loki’s lying, but he’s not about to accept it.

Loki’s head shake is sad. He knows he can’t convince Mobius.

“That I can respect. I mean the lies you tell yourself.” This was the best writing imo. Loki doesn’t make any final attempts to connive his way out of the situation because telling the truth to someone he’d trusted had failed. He willingly walks into the Time Cell.

Time Theater 47

B-15 being unable to support herself, having to rely on the structures around her to stay upright. This woman deserves so much y’all.

WE NEED HER NAME MARVEL.

You better appreciate her beyond shipping her with Sylvie or istg.

The music is so mournful. It just emphasises how much everything changing is going to hurt not only the main characters. Lives change because of the TVA and the events of this episode, it’s not overlooked by the writing or music.

The poster and the 1984 parallels. Exquisite!

Sylvie not sitting straight made me snort.

Ravonna Renslayer’s office

More Theremin music! This time I’m pretty sure it’s Carnival of the Animals, XIII. Le Cygne (the Swan) : Le carnaval des animaux: No. 12, Le cygne (arr. For theremin and piano) by Clara Rockmore.

Fun fact! Clara Rockmore influenced theremin music and the instrument and was a virtuoso of the instrument. Give her a google, it’s worth it. Also look up Leon Theremin, he was (among other things) a Soviet spy. There’s a great Wiki spiral for anyone there.

Mobius was probably being lined up for a high position in the TVA. Damn.

TemPads are personal, or have different levels of clearance.

Mobius didn’t stop interrogating Ravonna throughout that scene. He knew that she wasn’t telling him the whole truth.

Sleight of hand wasn’t shown how Loki and Sylvie do it, they didn’t use misdirection.

Ravonna knows something is up with Mobius. Maybe he hasn’t been around for long if this is his ‘career case’.

The pacing becomes really fast like in the end of episode 2 as conflicts get resolved. Buckle up comrades.

2050 Roxxcart Disaster

I don’t have much to add, it’s a powerful scene.

They use close ups whenever a truth bombshell is dropped.

The music varies considerably between these scenes, each one has a different tone.

“We’re the same.” With what she knows of B-15, Sylvie knew not to be smug when delivering the news about B-15’s life.

B-15 crying in the rain hurts.

“I looked happy.”

TVA archives, Time Cell, Time Theater 25

The floor opposite Mobius is FE3, above it is 3FG.

Oh Mobius.

C-20 deserved better, I'd love to see her later in the series.

The music goes from mournful to harsh and we’re left in silence when it cuts to the Time Cell.

“You told me to shut up.” Loki can be salty sometimes.

“Do you really think you deserve to be alone?” Mobius is rattled, he wants to unsettle Loki.

The music starts to build somewhere between “...your connection... “ and Loki saying “‘WE?’”

The faint tinkling reminds me of the Avatar (blue people) score.

“How about the word of a friend?” This is Loki’s olive branch. When he admits Loki was right, their trust is tentatively reinstated.

The music is finally back to that chaotic theme we know. I think it’s the TVA’s theme.

“You can be whoever, whatever you wanna be, even someone good. I mean just in case anyone ever told you different.” Mobius corrects what he says in the first ep.

They are friends y’all I’m so sad.

Mobius can lie through his teeth like it’s nobody’s business.

Pruning hurts, Mobius’ face is in agony.

Loki’s tears. GIVE THEM ALL JETSKIS.

Ravonna takes a moment to compose herself.

Time Keepers (the final smackdown)

Why are the last 10 minutes always so insane?

Loki’s eyes only show hurt. I’ll leave.

Ravonna’s so sharp, she instantly catches Sylvie’s wet hair.

All of our expectations from the trailers always get yeeted out of a window because the scenes are never really what we think they are. I get that that should be expected but it’s refreshing that the writing is never what we think it is.

Did anyone else notice the egg timer/infinity sign murals on one of the hallways to the left of Sylvie?

Ravonna is so cold (and yet I’d simp for her).

The M.C. Escher staircases I see you set designers/CGI folks.

B-15 just gets knocked out. They better not kill her for no reason or I riot.

I’m pretty sure that Sylvie ripped off one of Ravonna’s TVA badges (or buttons) when she fought her.

Sylvie’s the better fighter, she’s had to use it more often though.

The elevator doors stay open.

It would be so funny if we get an elevator scene where Sylvie is just dragging Ravonna somewhere.

They really led us on with the Time Keepers, particularly the middle one. I was somewhat convinced there’d be something more to it. I’m interested to see where it goes.

Ep 4 review

I really don’t have much to add with these last two episodes. I’ve definitely come to appreciate that no matter whether you liked the writing of the show or not, it’s never what you expect. Is that a good thing? I guess that that remains to be seen. Nonetheless, I appreciate how much effort went into this series. It’s been a fun romp, I’ll be back with my reviews of the final episodes. I’ll also stop posting Loki content to my blog because the Gods know that my followers don’t read this lol.

I’m just going to survive until the season is over and then hopefully keep my sanity together until the next Marvel content or at least Dr. Strange.

Here's the link to my episode 3 review.

Thank you all for being here, you're wonderful my loves.

[the-final-sif]

Just read you recent think on Mitsuki, and while I agree with some things, you're forgetting a lot. Like how Mitsuki is so ready to trust UA cuz Aizawa seems to understand Katsuki. Or how, in the first ep flashback, Katsuki just got praise for his 'stupid awesome quirk' without deserving that praise. Or, you know, how Katsuki got to the point in middle school where he was telling Izuku to jump off a building? And the sports festival? Katsuki probably would have laughed if it hadn't been him.

I’m not forgetting any of that, they’re all things that have been taken into consideration and either aren’t important to the situation, or are part of what I’m talking about.

To break this down,

1)

I don’t care if she thinks that UA “understands” Katsuki, her child was kidnapped and held hostage for 2 days, and forced to fight for his life multiple times against several adult villains. The only thing that stopped the villians from murdering/torturing/turning Katsuki into a nomu/etc, was that they decided not to during that 2 day period. Even if she’s willing to forgive UA/Aizawa and understands that the situation was bad by all accounts, she could still show at least a little concern for her child’s physical and mental safety after he was kidnapped. The idea that she really believes a school “understanding” Katsuki and not praising him too much is more important then the fact he got kidnapped for and was held by villains for 2 days, speaks volumes on it’s own.

Also, it’s worth noting that Aizawa and UA do not understand Katsuki. They fail him multiple times, and call out in canon that they did so. Including; The Sports Festival, The kidnapping, & the aftermath of the kidnapping. Even going so far as to say that they neglected his mental health, in canon. They’ve messed up with him multiple times, and while it’s good that Aizawa doesn’t let him get away with bullshit, that doesn’t mean that they’ve done much to help him either.

2)

Yes, Katsuki got a lot of praise as a child. I could talk for ages about gifted child syndrome and how that built up unrealistic expectations on him such that he believes he’s not allowed to make mistakes and takes responsibility for way to much as a result. However, this isn’t something I forgot in my original post. In my original post, the point was that Mitsuki acts/talks about it in such a way that implies that just sort of happened, when in reality that is on her and Marasu for not parenting Katsuki correctly. If they had raised him better, taught him to be kinder to others, put him into anger management/therapy, taught him how to handle his emotions in a health way, etc, he would be a much different person. But they didn’t, yet she still talks about it like she had no hand in it.

Also, again, as I said in my original post, a big part of this is timing. If this was just a PTA meeting or something, I’d have a very different opinion on this entire thing. But that’s not what this is. This is a meeting right after he got kidnapped, at a point where he likely still very shaken from the experience, and where he’s likely being dealing with a lot of negative media attention online. If there is any point in his life where he needs support from his parents, this is that time. I don’t care if he’s been a shitty kid in his life, right after he just got kidnapped is a time when he needs love and support from his parents. Not them talking about how shitty he is to his teachers while he’s still trying to recover from that.

3)

That really has no baring on the conversation, at all. Was Katsuki telling Izuku to jump off a building unacceptable? Yes. However, neither Katsuki’s parents, nor Aizawa/All-Might have any idea that that event transpired. It’s called out in canon that what happened that day was unusual for Katsuki, that was not a normal interaction between him and Izuku. It was also something that happened when Katsuki was 14, ~2 ish years prior to the conversation I’m talking about.

Katsuki was an asshole, particularly to Izuku, when he was a kid. He still has a lot of those tendencies. That in no way negates the fact that after he was kidnapped is a wildly inappropriate time to start ragging on his flaws, alongside blaming him for getting kidnapped in the first place. Instead, that’s the sort of thing to be worked on through therapy and teaching over time. Or just, to be talked about at any other time besides right after he got kidnapped. 

Also, it might be worth reflecting on why he was an asshole, where he learned to behave that way, and why he considers his own words/actions acceptable. Because as it turns out, kids don’t develop those habits out of thin air.

4)

Here’s the thing, you can say that Katsuki would be laughing if it was anyone but him chained up at the sports festival, but I’d argue that he wouldn’t, because nobody else would ever be chained up at the sports festival. Neither the school, nor the author, could ever get away with that for any other student in class 1-A. If Shouto had refused to use his fire on Izuku, causing Izuku to win the fight and Izuku to follow him out of bounds in frustration and reject the first place medal, we all know damn well that he would’ve been allowed to walk away from it. Hell, we actually see Ojiro resigning after round 2 because he felt like he hadn’t earned his win, and he was allowed to do that without any issue. The only one who isn’t given the right to say no, and the only one who would ever be chained up to that podium is Katsuki.

And that comes down to the fact that because Katsuki refuses a lot of things, both on a character and reader level, people stop caring about whether or not he consents to things. They get used to forcing him to do things, and so that becomes normal and acceptable. He’s seen and portrayed as inheritable violent, uncontrollable, and “bad” which means they treat him in ways that would never be acceptable for other characters, and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy as he sees himself that way. This happens on every level, be it touch, the sports festival, izuku following him around, etc. Katsuki is basically never respected when he tries to say no to something unless he steadfastly enforces that boundary through physical force.

That’s why Aizawa calls out what happened at the sports festival as a failure on UA’s part. Because that’s what it was.

That’s also why we see Tomura with the photo of Katsuki at the sports festival, and why Tomura thought Katsuki would join him. Tomura understands what it’s like to be seen and treated as monstrous, to be seen and treated as fundamentally destructive and dangerous, and he assumed that Katsuki would want to join him to be free of that.

When Tomura has restraints taken off Katsuki when asking him to make his choice, it’s because he understands how Katsuki’s been treated, and he’s playing to that. He explicitly says that they need to treat Katsuki as an equal, and to prove that he means that, the restraints have to come off. He also calls out that he’s not worried about Katsuki fighting back, because he believes Katsuki is smarter then that (which was a miscalculation on his part, not because Katsuki isn’t smart enough to know not to fight back, but because he underestimated Katsuki’s convictions and personal morals).

What Tomura is doing there is a very significant and important demonstration. He’s showing Katsuki through actions, that he is willing to treat him like a human being, even if the heroes aren’t. Tomura is showing basic respect for Katsuki, however undermined by the kidnapping it may be, moreso then his teachers/the heroes did, by allowing him his freedom when making a choice. Perhaps even more important, he’s showing that he sees Katsuki as capable of restraining himself, and of being non-destructive. What he’s really offering Katsuki there is proof that he is willing to treat him better then the heroes did, and that’s why he believes Katsuki will join him.

Anyways, the long and the short of it is that no, I did not forget any of that when I was making my prior post. I did consider all of those things on some level, and they don’t change my opinion that how Mitsuki behaved after the kidnapping is indicative of her being a bad parent, and that were this another character or if the gender roles of the situation were reversed, then I feel strongly that this wouldn’t even be a debate in the fandom.

That being said, who knows what direction canon will takes this. I’m hopeful that the issue will be explored more thoroughly, but we may very well never see Mitsuki in canon again. I’m also not saying that anyone else has to agree with me. My own opinions are not universal truth, and we really have very little canon interactions with Mitsuki and know so little about Katsuki’s childhood in general that nearly anything is possible. I can definitely appreciate Good Parent Mitsuki headcanons, and I’ve read some great fics with those sorts of takes. But my opinion on the matter is the above.

[ayankun]

Agents of SHIELD Season 1 Rewatch Update

Ok so I’m having a difficult time remembering what it was that made me hate this show so much (aside from the unforgivable Minecraft reference) and stop watching in Season 1.

Just got through ep 14 and holy cow, I’m honestly not sure whether the storylines for seasons 2, 3, and 4 were planned this far in advance, but if they were then these folks did such an overwhelmingly good job of keeping their eye on the ball.

Best I can figure, I’m having a good time on this attempt thanks to prequel-goggles.  I already know where this story is going, who these people will become and what’s going to make them into what they will be, and I can appreciate this older storyline in light of the circumstances it precedes -- rather than for what it is without that context. 

(It certainly helps that some of the dumber stuff is already starting to be replaced by the better stuff, like it’s ep 15 and the “night-night gun” was just replaced by the much more palatable “icer,” and they haven’t tried to call the individual dwarves by name for ages now)

Also there’s some pretty good cinematography, the graphics are really respectable, watching this found family slowly realize how much they love each other is sooo charming, and the affectations required of a MCU-spin-off-sci-fi-spy-show are really well balanced with the character drama which is its true heart.

I know ep 1x08 (”The Well”) is six and a half years old so maybe spoiler warnings are not necessarily required but here we go

Remember when Thor 2 came out and then this show had to earn its stripes as co-existing in the MCU so they had to address the fact that aliens ripped up London and the whole world knows about it?

Not being able to afford the likes of Chris Hemsworth was something they obviously had to work around, and plopping in that rando dweeby Asgardian as a twist was definitely one way to do it. 

But the real showstopper is that the through-line of the episode is the examination of the similarities and differences of Ward and May, especially once they both come in contact with the Asgardian rage-stick.

Seeing Ward nearly incapacitated by his traumatic childhood memories serves two important purposes.  First, it makes some good strides towards humanizing the man, who until now has been that hot-and-cocky kind of character that just expects to appeal to an audience but hasn’t yet earned any appeal whatsoever.  By now, we’ve had a reference to his toxic dynamic with his older/younger brothers, and seeing him reliving his experience with the well suddenly opens him up and gives some dimension to that tall-dark-handsome cardboard cutout.

Second, those experiences are a really good twist!!  When it’s revealed that he’s not remembering being tortured in a well by his brother, he’s remembering allowing his brother to torture his other brother down a well and not having the guts to do anything about it.  It’s a good one-two punch because you weren’t expecting to pity the guy, and now that you’ve spent twenty minutes pitying him for being victimized, you get to grapple with the much more complex emotion of the kid!Ward not knowing how to get out of this lose-lose situation and understanding that his current character must be in some way informed by this regret and guilt.

THIRD, after seeing Ward go through all this and barely hold it together, we get to see how May handles this level of relive-your-worst-trauma-and-incinerate-yourself-with-unbridled-rage when she has to pick up the rage-stick and .... instead of it leaving her on the ground like it’s just done to Ward, she somehow experiences 0.00000% change in personality or capability WhatSoEver.

She not only isn’t affected, she summons all the broken pieces of rage-stick and effortlessly wields the fully formed berzerker staff to defeat the rest of the baddies single-handed.  It says so much about her character, about the depths of the trauma that sent her to the place we met her in in the pilot.  We still don’t know what happened, but this her “my secret is I’m always angry” moment, and it’s a  level of anger has been repeatedly and thoroughly cataloged throughout the episode so far.

It also gives these fools something to bond over.  And while I’m seriously disinterested in their weird little Thing that didn’t go anywhere and didn’t really impact much, it was a nice way to avoid progress in the “Skye’s falling for her SO” storyline that I don’t care for either.

But Skye makes her move in this episode!  She and Ward dance around the possibility that maybe they’re into each other and they could possibly move from antagonistic strangers to folks who are a little into each other.  But he does the gentle thing and turns her down! (without closing the door entirely, I must add)  And then he wanders off on his own and ... May’s wandering off on her own ... and they share some micro expressions and then, seriously you guys this sequence is so tasteful and understated, just look:

Ward leaves Skye at the bar with a parting “I’m beat, another time, maybe,” and off her wistful look we cut directly to this chiaroscuro hallway.

Ward enters the frame, starts unlocking his hotel room. He's just another monochrome shape in this monochrome place.

But then there’s May entering the shot at the far end of the hallway, and her motion and his turning to look at her frames her monochrome shape in this nice little white triangle between him and her door.

And there’s a tasty little rack focus that pulls the instant she passes in front of the door, making sure our attention is on her and the little white label of her bottle that really pops in the sea of black.

By this point in time, we’ve been shown, graphically, intimately, a dark shadow in his past, and we’ve been shown the physical and emotional toll its taken on him (an insight provided by the magic alien macguffin, btw).  We haven’t been told anything, we experienced his experiences with him via the power of cinema.  Her specific trauma is still a mystery at this point, but we’ve been given enough information to understand and appreciate its effects on her character.  So not only can we sympathize with Ward now, we can sympathize with his empathy for May in this moment.  

She catches him looking.

I mentioned micro expressions and screenshots do not do these performances justice.  How does one catch in a single frame the millisecond that an eyebrow ticks in asking a silent question?

Typical for her, May’s answer is also communicated through body language.

From that canted, inviting look, we pan down as she unlocks her door and enters.  She passes through the frame and disappears inside, after giving us a reminder that her plans are to apply alcohol to her issues.  (Remember that Ward turned down Skye’s invitation at a bar of all places)

Oh, and what has our framing left us to contemplate?  Is that a bed I see in there?  (Remember that Ward turned down Skye’s invitation)  Let me point out that this shot of just the bed after May walks by is on screen by itself for maybe a fraction of a second.  Just a suggestion of a thing, really.

Ward contemplates.

I love returning to this shot because it’s literally the same set up, and my instant reaction is that it’s another insert, a POV shot, and I fully expect to return to the single shot on Ward to discover his decision the second he makes it.

INSTEAD.  Ward walks immediately into THIS FRAME, too, black-shape-on-white-shape in the same way May was introduced to this scene.  And we stay here as he closes the door behind him ...

Letting us know everything we need to know without a single word needing to be spoken.

Another fraction of a frame dwelling on that shot and then immediately fade to black.  Credits.  Show’s over, folks.

And not that there’s any particular meaning in it, but they were super careful to minimize what colors were allowed to appear in this sequence?  Like there’s a particular sort of green in that weird armchair, which sort of matches the green-glass of her bottle.  And there’s the red of the fire alarm fixtures which more or less matches the red of his, y’know, fresh facial wounds.  EVERYTHING else (other than, I guess, their skin tones) falls somewhere along the white-black spectrum.  NICE.  BEAUTIFUL.  I LIKE IT A LOT.

And the Netflix synopsis for this episode is “In the aftermath of the events chronicled in the feature film Thor: the Dark World, Coulson and the S.H.I.E.L.D. team try to pick up the pieces.”  1) I’m realizing that they literally go around picking up pieces of the rage-stick and that’s hilarious but mostly I mean to say 2) this MCU-tie-in episode could have met the brief being as vapid and non-impactful as that blurb makes it sound.  But it took the opportunity to open up its characters for us to see their gooey insides, and hell they picked two of the best characters to dig into for this one, considering Ward’s tragic backstory plays as both a misdirect and actual inciting incident for his betrayal of SHIELD, and May’s tragic backstory feeds a couple of B-plots this season as well as being the major catalyst for a lot what happens in season FOUR.  SEASON FOUR, PEOPLE.  THE SEEDS ARE WAY BACK HERE IN SEASON ONE.

REMEMBER HOW THESE CHARACTERS WERE INTRODUCED THOUGH??  I DO, I JUST WATCHED THE PILOT LIKE YESTERDAY.  WE MEET WARD FULLY ENSCONCED IN HIS GUISE OF SHIELD BADASS SUPERSTAR; HE IS LITERALLY ASKED TO EXPLAIN WHAT SHIELD MEANS TO HIM, AND WE GET TO HEAR THE FIRST OF HIS MANY LIES.  WE MEET MAY IN HER OWN PERSONALLY-DESIGNED WHITE-COLLAR HELL, TURNING COULSON’S OFFER DOWN THE SECOND SHE HEARS HIS VOICE BECAUSE SHE’D RATHER STAPLE DOCUMENTS FOR ETERNITY THAN BE OUT IN THE FIELD WHERE SHE CAN MAKE ANOTHER MISTAKE LIKE THE ONE SHE CAN’T FORGIVE HERSELF FOR.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  This show knows how to weave a character-driven story, and it’s done it for six seasons straight, juggling constantly evolving -- grounded, nuanced, impactful -- character arcs with the external factors (Thor: The Dark World, for one) that force certain narrative decisions.

(until they decide to ignore those factors altogether, lol, I’m looking at you, season 5, you wacky maverick you)

[curiosity-killed]

a bow for the bad decisions

canon-divergent AU from ep. 24 (on ao3)

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10 | part 11 | part 12 | part 13 | part 14 | part 15 | part 16 | part 17 | part 18

He’s going to smack his head against a tree. He’s going to swear off ever attending another godsdamned conference or sect event no matter how Jiang Cheng tells him its inappropriate for the Head Disciple to skip them. Taking a breath, he turns to address the Jin group politely. “I don’t mean to disrespect Jin-furen. But your cousin has said harsh words to my sister yet again,” he says, forcing his voice to stay even. “If Yunmeng Jiang can endure that again, we no longer deserve the name of a gentry clan. How can you say that I am too proud?” “You are too proud to know yourself,” the junior peacock retorts. “Today is a big day for the night hunt and here you have made yourself the center of attention yet again. A third of the prey has been captured by you. Aren’t you proud of yourself?” Swallowing, he lifts his chin and gaze away from the other man. He really should remember his name. If he calls him ‘junior peacock’ to his face, there will surely be the mess Jiang Cheng feared. Not, really, that this is shaping up to be anything but a mess. Guilt squeezes around his spine.

“A third?”

He lifts his eyes at Lan Zhan’s voice to find him already looking at Wei Wuxian. He can’t make out his expression, can’t tell whether it’s surprise or condemnation in his light eyes. He looks away. “Hanguang-jun, you may not know yet, but we have seen that there is no prey in the hunting grounds,” the Jin cousin continues. “Lianfang-zun was watching from the stands and told us that within a dian, the sound of a flute drew almost all the prey into the nets set by the Jiang Clan.” His jaw tightens and he stares at the trees without seeing their bark. “Wei Wuxian, you are so selfish, and you never think of others,” the cousin spits, too close. “Aren’t you too proud?” Pulling back, Wei Wuxian steps away from them. How far away that earlier thought of meditation now seems. He holds himself square and tall, draws on the puppet-strings of his composure. “You people have said that in the hunt, capability talks. Why do you betray your own words?” he asks evenly. The cousin shoves forward, knocking their shoulders together to push in front of him. “What you showed is just dirty malign tricks, not capability,” he spits as Wei Wuxian turns to face him. “You just play the flute. How can that be called capability?” “I didn’t play any dirty tricks,” he retorts. “Why can’t it be my own capability? Or can you play the flute?” He lifts Chenqing, lets her lie on his palm like an invitation, like a snake stretched waiting in the tall grass. “Let’s see if anything will follow your sound,” he says with a smile. The cousin pulls back, nearly hissing. “You broke the rules!” he shouts, like a child. “It isn’t any better than playing dirty tricks.” Flicking Chenqing back behind his hips, he tilts his head in consideration. “Fine,” he says. “If I don’t know what capability is, then please demonstrate for. Astonish me. Please.” “You…” The cousin starts before turning away. His chin’s lifted so high Wei Wuxian wonders that he doesn’t trip over his own nose. “It’s understandable you don’t know you’re wrong. It’s not the first time you’ve shown such insolence. Last time, at the Floral Banquet, and now in the night hunt, you still won’t carry your sword. Such solemn occasions and you know nothing of manners. Where do you place us, those who participate with you?” He’s stepped too close again, nearly brushing his chest against Wei Wuxian’s. It would be funny, probably, if Wei Wuxian were in the audience. He thinks he’d laugh to see a man falling to such petty attempts at intimidation. He can’t summon up any laughter now, as anger smolders in low embers along his veins. He wants to shove him away, wants to call forward a spirit with nothing but his own breath, wants to remind everyone here what his capability looks like. They were so eager to embrace it in the war, so drunk with the victories he won them. Have they so quickly forgotten the battlefields he leveled? The armies he destroyed? Where was their capability then? “Young Master Jin Zixun,” shijie interjects, stepping forward half a pace from Jin-furen. “Yunmeng Jiang has no better discipline than this,” the cousin – Zixun, evidently — crows. “They even produced a demonic cultivator.” “Zixun!” Jin-furen’s reprimand is too late. Wei Wuxian can feel his nails biting crescents into his skin, cutting against the tendons of his palms. “Family discipline? Dirty malign tricks?” he echoes, anger thrumming up through his voice. “Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan warns. Turning to them, Wei Wuxian looks out over this noble assembly. All these fine gentry folk with their silks and their swords. What do they know of sacrifice? What do they know of duty? These Jin cultivators would sit behind silk screens while the world killed itself, and they would still have the gall to complain of blood splatter on their hems. “Don’t you want to know why I refuse to carry my sword?” he asks, voice lifting as he steps away from them. “It doesn’t matter even if I tell you. I don’t need to carry my sword. I, Wei Wuxian, can beat all of you with only my dirty, malign tricks.” It would take so little to kill them. A few short notes — he wouldn’t even need to lift Chenqing if he didn’t want to. He could summon a whole host of spirits to snap their necks, ravage their minds until they clawed their own eyes from their faces. They know so little of capability, of discipline. “Wei Wuxian, you are no more than the son of a servant. Don’t be insane!” Jin Zixun scoffs. Resentment purrs through Chenqing, rubbing against the surface of his bones. His hand shakes as he grapples with it, forces it down. He can’t — he can’t lose control. He promised Jiang Cheng. He promised. “Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says, suddenly close. His hand is warm around Wei Wuxian’s wrist, a golden brand. He hears steps, too loud, the rustle of silk as if it’s being rubbed between fingers right by his ears. Everything is too bright, too close, prickling needles running through his skin. Resentment scrapes jagged teeth along the inside of his skin. “A-Xian,” shijie says, her hands gentle on his other arm. “A-Xian, stand behind me.” Her voice is a quiet command, brooking no argument, and he lets himself be pressed behind her. How weak, he thinks, scathing, that he can’t even hold himself together for this, that he is pressing this burden onto shijie’s shoulders. Lan Zhan hovers at his side, fingers still loose in the fabric of Wei Wuxian’s sleeve, as if he’s forgotten he’s holding on. “Young Master Jin Zixun,” shijie says, clear and even. “You’ve just said that it is Wuxian who has taken a third of the prey in Baifeng Mountain. You said he broke the rules and was too proud. I…I don’t know much about this. It may really cause some trouble for you. I will apologize to you all for him.” Horror jolts through Wei Wuxian, worse than the anger, the guilt, as she bows. They should be the ones apologizing to her — for Jin Zixuan’s poor treatment and the lack of discipline shown by the rest. They have shamed themselves, not shijie. “Shijie!” he yelps. Her head turns slightly, as if to catch his eye, and she turns back. He swallows, his throat suddenly thick. Jin Zixun eyes the two of them, lips curling in a smirk. Perhaps a peacock was too generous a comparison. He looks like a cat gorged on cream, all undeserved smugness. Wei Wuxian’s hands shake. “Lady Jiang is really polite and decent and can tell what’s right from wrong,” he says, stepping around shijie without even addressing her. “What your little brother has done is indeed wrong and has caused us some trouble.” His swaying steps bring him directly before Wei Wuxian, where he leans in slightly as if to be sure his smirk is seen. Wei Wuxian grits his teeth till he can hear them grind. Turning on his heel, Jin Zixun strolls back toward the others. “But there’s no need to apologize for your and Sect Leader Jiang’s sake,” he says. “After all, Lanling Jin and Yunmeng Jiang are as dear to each other as hands are to feet.” Shijie turns now, straight-backed and chin lifted. Even as he wrestles down the resentment climbing vine-like through his chest, Wei Wuxian recognizes this look. It’s not one he’s ever seen on shijie’s face, though; she wears her mother’s cold anger. “However,” she says, sharp, “although I haven’t participated in the hunt before, I do understand that since ancient times until today, there is no rule that forbids one participant from having too much prey. You just said that Wuxian broke he rules. I would like to know which rule he has broken.” Something splinters in his heart then, some calving fracture. He doesn’t deserve this. He’s been lying to her and Jiang Cheng all this time, he’s poisoned himself with this thick venom, and she still steps forward, still protects him. There’s a chorus of protests around them, Sect Leader Yao leading them as if he has any right to speak. Yanli lifts her gaze just enough to meet Wei Wuxian’s, and he swallows, dipping his head. “It’s not his fault that you can’t hunt the prey!” Silence settles startled around them. Shijie lifts her chin, stepping forward to close the gap between her and Jin Zixun. “Capability talks in the hunt,” she quotes. “Although Wuxian took a different method, he studied it with effort. You can’t call his work dirty tricks just because you can’t hunt enough prey.” In his periphery, Wei Wuxian catches Lan Zhan lifting his gaze, studying the side of his face. Wei Wuxian refuses to look over, can’t bear to look him in the eye. “Besides, let’s focus on the hunt, not our family education,” shijie continues. “A-Xian is one of our disciples of Yunmeng Jiang. He grew up with the two of us, dearer than flesh and bone. You called him the son of a servant. I cannot tolerate this. Hence, I hope you, Young Master Jin Zixun, can apologize to Wei Wuxian of our Yunmeng Jiang Clan.” He can feel the tears slipping down his cheeks, his shoulders shaking. He wants to hug her. He wants to be ten years old and laying with his head in her lap as she reads poetry on the docks. “A-Li, don’t take it seriously. Relax,” Jin-furen soothes, taking hold of shijie’s sleeve. “Jin-furen, a-Xian is my little brother,” shijie says. “If he is humiliated, that is no trivial matter to me.” As much as he hates being the cause of this, Wei Wuxian can’t help the absurd swell of pride in his chest. She sounds like the madam of a great sect. She looks like the lady of Lotus Pier. She is so much stronger than anyone seems to realize. “Zixun, didn’t you hear her?” Jin-furen scolds furiously. He makes no noise to apologize, and then they are joined by Lan XIchen and Jin Guangyao and Jin Zixun makes his blustering escape. With Lan Zhan returned to his brother, there is a sudden absence at Wei Wuxian’s side, but shijie reaches out to clasp his arm and he manages a thin smile. He is, suddenly, exhausted. He could sleep for a thousand years, he thinks, if someone was only kind enough to shovel a blanket of dirt over him. He keeps silent as they walk back toward the stands, carefully removed from the party itself. He’s not far enough away to miss Jin-furen’s comments about his evil nature or how inappropriate it is for he and shijie to walk together. He swallows them down, too tired to fight. It’s nothing he hasn’t heard before. “Please, Madam Jin, don’t force him,” shijie says with a soft smile before she turns with Wei Wuxian to leave. “Wait! Jiang-guniang, you misunderstood me.” Shijie stops abruptly, pulling Wei Wuxian to a halt as well. “It wasn’t my mother who want you to come. It was — I – the invitation was from me.” Wei Wuxian can do nothing but stare, just shy of gaping, as Jin Zixuan, sect heir and notorious ass, bolts into the woods on the heels of his confession. “A-Li, come with me,” Jin-furen says, and shijie’s eyes flicker up toward Wei Wuxian’s with something almost like hope in them. He won’t keep her. It would be cruel, even if he can’t understand how any of this will make her happy. She gives his wrist a gentle squeeze before turning to accept Jin-furen’s arm instead. He tries to swallow down the bitterness. Jiang Cheng arrives as they leave, twisting his gaze back and forth between the departing party and Wei Wuxian. Watching him, Wei Wuxian summons up a smile. He can’t do much more of this. “Jiang Cheng, you just missed an interesting drama,” he teases. “What is it?” Jiang Cheng demands, stepping close. Their juniors follow after him, a gaggle of blue, and Wei Wuxian realizes abruptly he doesn’t have the energy to lay it all out again. He can’t bring himself to remind everyone what a shame he is to Yunmeng Jiang, what a mess he causes wherever he goes. He shakes his head slightly. “Forget it,” he says, reaching out to punch Jiang Cheng’s arm lightly. “I’ll leave now.” “Wei Wuxian, where are you going?” Jiang Cheng demands, grabbing his wrist. “There’s a Floral Banquest after the hunt. Come with me.” He should. He knows he should. It’s his duty, as Jiang Cheng’s brother if not as Head Disciple. He can’t. The thought alone makes his hands curl back into fists, as if control is a muscle he has overworked today. He doesn’t know what might happen if he attends the banquet, but he can’t say that he will be able to rein in his own anger and with it, the resentment humming through his meridians. That alone is enough to prevent him from going. He won’t lose control. He won’t be the parable they’re all trying to write around him. “I want to walk around Lanling City,” he says instead. “I might not be able to accompany you.” He presses his fingertips into the tendons of Jiang Cheng’s wrist, just firm enough to disengage his grip, and gives an apologetic smile. He can’t explain this without telling too much, and so he cannot explain it at all. Jiang Cheng will forgive him. He tips Chenqing in farewell and turns to walk alone away from his disciples and brother and Lan Zhan.

[musicmixtapes]

September 26, 2018 Mix

This week as I was curating the playlist, I got to thinking a lot about the way that our mood at a particular moment affects the music we choose to listen to. Some people say that they pick music the opposite of their mood to counteract a bad day, some choose to delve into that feeling and get in touch with it. I, being the latter, am having a memory ridden, reflective sort of week, so I chose songs that talk about the past a little bit and how they can influence the present/future. I hope you enjoy and find something that suits your mood. 

Spotify Playlist 1. Planet Hunter by Wolf Alice - This song is all about trying to recreate memories of something or with someone that happened awhile back, events which were really positive, but they cannot be rehabilitated. The artist reminds me of if Taylor Swift had not become a pop music sellout and instead taken a dark moody indie music route, and well, the results are stunning because she creates a depth of feeling to the music that most pop cannot do, in my opinion. The part I relate to the most that struck me was the repeated phrase of "I left my mind behind in 2015" which reaches a point where we, as listeners, realize that there are peaks in our lives that we wish to return to, especially at some of our valleys. I love this because it is an upbeat song about feeling out of place in the present, which is really fascinating. 2. St. Paul by Ritchy Mitch & The Coal Miners - Honestly, the piano that tinkles into a wonderful melody/rift in the beginning has to be the most alluring part of this song, which eventually becomes a much bigger feeling as it continues on. There aren't many striking piano-driven songs these days, so I was impressed with that along with the fact that this song clearly disses a saint, yet doesn't seem offensive in the slightest because it is so personal and not an attack on anything but oneself's feelings. The instrumentals and their uncertainty directly correlate with the restlessness of the lyrics and the crunchy sound of the singer's vocals; we love to see a parallel of the sound of the music to the actual meaning behind the song. All the literary techniques used to write a song is the reason why our ears are so attuned to it. 3. Window by Nana Grizol - Going along with the recurring theme of memories and the past, this song is literally a metaphor for a window looking into the past of what something once was. The defining line of this song comes when the singer refers to the window of the past and saying that "we can lift them/and focus on the moments that we lift in" which is a beautiful shift in tone from a reminiscent tune to one that look towards changing for the better and leaving the memories (whether good, bad or ugly) behind for someone else to revolve around. The artist, Nana Grizol, often covers really broad topics, such as negative feelings, the passing of time, moving on in a really succinct way that reaches an audience who needs to hear mantras in a refreshing way. I like to think of this song as a meditative yoga for the ears, please practice daily. 4. Solitary Daughter by Bedouine - I found this song in the most interesting way, so here it is: I was in the Mcnally Jackson bookstore on Prince Street in the city, rifling through the poetry section (as one does) and stumbled upon a book that transcribed songs into poems and included commentary from other writers and from the artists themselves, in a lot of cases. Reading these lyrics as a poem in a book was so thrilling because I often talk a lot about how some songs are really just poetry set to music, and in this case, other people must have thought so too. This piece is incredible in its way of speaking about a woman not needing someone to rely on or anything to sustain her, except for her own self, her home is herself, which is so liberating to both hear and read. I highly recommend reading the lyrics alongside listening. 5. Chemicals by Gregory Alan Isokov - Off of his brand new EP "Dark, Dark, Dark" which was released not but six days ago, is this peaceful and meaningful acoustic folky ballad by a personal favorite of mine. This piece is especially interesting because it plays off of the notion of the different ways in which chemicals can affect a person's body, kind of like the way a person who is really important in one's life can do the same. An image that I love to see showing up in art is the trope of hands trying to reach one another, whether it be in the "Creation of Adam" or an old film. This song plays with this lost hands imagery, in the line "how my hands can't seem to find your hands in the dark", which if I wasn't already in love with the song, sealed the deal for me 100%. Definitely check out the other two tracks off of the EP, they are wonderful as well. 6. Slipped by The National - This week's mix all began with this one sad ballad by my current favorite group and it just built off of this. I cannot express with words, on paper or in person, how much I am tethered to the lyrics of this song. Something about the raw and honest way that this was strung together speaks to a person who is done with being vulnerable to someone who has no intention in showing hidden parts of themselves back. In this narrative song, the speaker is talking to a girl who left the city to go to a more rural area in the South, thus separating the two, and telling how tragic it is to break away from something when he could not be what she wanted him to be. This is a solemn and intense vow to oneself that they will not break down and fall apart because of a love ending, this is another mantra. 7. We're So Lost by Voom - Upon first instinct, I would like to classify this song under tracks I would listen to whilst laying under the stars and thinking about our existence in such a big place or while slow dancing with someone and contemplating what is going on. But now, even in a good mood this song makes sense because no matter how you feel in terms of being in this world, everyone can agree that we have no idea what we're doing most of the times and are mere beings that are floating through time and space, trying to determine why we were placed here in the first place. In some ways, this can be thought of as a slow rock philosophical crisis song, or you can just love it because of the waltz like beauty of it. Your choice. 8. Fuck Love by Lalić - I definitely expected a cynical, bitter, anger driven song when looking at the title, but if I can say any cliché here, it's don't judge a song (book) based on its title (cover). If anything, it's more of a love song, explaining that the speaker has no real reason to be saying things like "fuck love". I think this is interesting because oftentimes, people don't like to be honest with themselves about their emotions, so instead they put up their walls immediately and turn to sarcastic, defensive comments like "i hate everyone" "love suck" or.... "fuck love". Being one of these people, this song opens up that term and exposes us hate poseurs who are very sensitive and truly love to love. The low fi rock sounds with a strong guitar line is nice to hear as well. 9. Blood Bank by Bon Iver - He is so detailed in his description of bags of blood, I have to believe that he actually had a conversation with someone he loved at a blood bank, discussing the differences between people's blood... which is... interesting. It is also vital to this song to understand that the two separate memories he tells about are very closely related because he is explaining the variability of relationships and how to decide whether it is prudent to enter into an affair or to be your own person and indulge in lonely behavior. Of course, it never hurts to be told really emotional things like this with Bon Iver's delicate crooning and layered harmonies that build throughout with such simple complexity, unmatched by other singers in his genre. 10. How It Gets In by Frightened Rabbit ft. Julien Baker - Your first question after listening may very well be "how what gets in?" as my first question was this exact thing. Maybe what gets in is this undeniably wonderful call and response song along with angelic harmonies. But maybe, what gets in, at least in terms of this song, is the literal healing of an open wound and how to properly dress it and make sure it doesn't get infected, or at least that was what was accounted by the singers in question. I interpreted the song to be a recounting and lesson on how love can come into one's life in unexpected places, and how just because there was hurt and pain in the heart for a long time, does not mean it has to stay that way forever. 11. NFWMB by Hozier - This acronym is probably the smartest thing I have experienced in a song's title in a long time: NFWMB is really Nothing Fucks With My Baby, expressed in a classy way, courtesy of the forest prince and love of my life, Andrew Hozier-Byrne. As always, there are several biblical references and apocalyptic death metaphors, which always leaves me feeling very confused and inspired at the same time. The very jazz and blues influenced low key rock song is so different from other love songs that it kind of creates its own category in that sense. It is described by others as "the love song for the end of the world" therefore going back to my feelings of apocalypse, decay and biblical tellings. 12. One In A Million by Hudson Taylor - "You gotta be cruel if you wanna be kind" ok this just hit me way too hard and true. The only way I even discovered this artist is actually because they are opening up for the Hozier concert I am attending tonight and now I am super excited to see them perform as the opening act as well. They remind me of a toned down version of The Kooks in a lot of shared vocals and chord progressions and upbeat instrumentals, except they are a duo hailing from Ireland and they classify themselves a folk band, though the punk/alternative rock influences found in this song are undeniably present. Also present is the message of knowing someone doesn't care about you the way you care about them and needing to be released from that sort of madness... cool. 13. Into The Mystic by Van Morrison - I'm probably not introducing anybody to this song for the first time right now and certainly not the last, but something about the changing of the seasons and the shift of weather from summer to autumn calls out to the mystical and slow dance vibe that this classic and iconic folky rock song inspires. There is absolutely nothing better than the buildup from quiet lull to the horn heavy chorus and interlude that just makes you want to stop and dance wherever you are in your day. Another musical aspect that is highly appreciated by yours truly is the intricate acoustic guitar rift that is taken and shifted into a lot of newer acoustic based songs that we hear all the time these days. The past influences the present and the present is heard in the past all the time, especially in music. 14. Size Of The Moon by Pinegrove - Shifting into a more heavy punk, angst themed style of music is this memory driven song which tells us about a time where the speaker is thinking on the communication issues that occurred in a relationship and how they could have easily been remedied, but there was no effort on the other half's side. From an interpretation of the song, one person smartly said, "It’s really easy to indulge in nostalgia when you’re at a rocky part of a relationship. Suddenly everything appears better than the present, no matter how imperfect those times were." I have to concur with this notion because our perception of the past changes over time and when we miss someone, at times, we look at bad memories and they even start to seem better than being alone... but they are not. 15. Kathleen by Catfish and the Bottlemen - Another song geared towards a relationship not working out the way it's supposed to is from a band that is one of my all time favorites. Their comical British style of lyrics is so appealing to my American way of thinking of things and the heartfelt honesty heard in their songs play along quite nicely with the super power rock style in which they are written. This tune in specifics, is not about the past, but the present and trying to reflect on what is going on in the "now" which is a really complicated thing to try and do, when you are infatuated with someone. The instability is heard not just in the lyrics, but also in the interchanging chords of the electric guitar and the fast paced anxiety ridden drumbeat, which is awesome.. 16. Holland, 1945 by Neutral Milk Hotel - This band is one of the weirdest, coolest ones that only the people who love grating vocals and intense lyrics can truly appreciate to the desired capacity. The whole album, from the 90s, "In The Aeroplane Over The Sea" depicts the story of Anne Frank and the tragedies behind what happened to such an innocent person, along with her youthful romance and how it all devolved in such a short time. A lot of fans of this album have also speculated that there is a second layer of meaning between the World War II references, being that is expresses the kind of tension and tragedy that occurs when you lose some so important in your life, and how the mourning of this loss can only be remedied through appreciating this person afterwards. 17. I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You by Black Kids - Okay, so I'm pretty sure that we can all understand the meaning of the song strictly through the title of this song, negating my opinion before on how you should not judge a song based on its title... well in this case, you can absolutely do that. Not only does it have the best dance tune in the world, but it is also so adorable that the singer's only common connection with the girl he is speaking about is their affinity and adeptness with dancing. Although I definitely have "two left feet" as the singer describes the boyfriend having in this song, I relate to this in terms of music. If there is a person who I really care about, the connection I automatically have is usually in a musical sense, and I am greedy about this relation. We all have something we won't teach someone else's boyfriend/girlfriend if we care about them. 18. 123 by Girlpool - I love this so much. It depicts a relationship where the speaker is asking the partner/SO to tell them everything that is wrong with them in a really sarcastic and aggressive way. It's comical and honest and vulnerable all at once which I have to give a hand for because mixing comedy with painful relationships is something that I always attempt in my writing. The song deals with an interpersonal relationship that is simultaneously “toxic and loving" as described from a contributor on Genius Lyrics, which is a website I often refer to on advice and other commentaries on music I really enjoy. The girl rock power that is disseminated with this track is so strong and empowering, for any gender, so please don't hesitate to sing this when you're feeling angsty about someone. 19. Million Years Ago by Adele - I don't think I ever really talk about my deep appreciation for Adele on here, because I try to branch out from popular artists and focus on more under-appreciated and undiscovered types; but I'm making an exception because although she is one of the most iconic voices of the modern generation, this specific song is so underrated in terms of her best songs. It sounds so french/spanish acoustic ballad inspired and makes me feel like I am transported to a black and white film from the 50s with the sadness and depth that it gives me in such a simple way. It ALSO follows along with my theme of the week, which is looking back in order to look forward, because she sings about the troubles of missing things from the past and dealing with the issues of transforming into a different person. 20. Apocalypse by Cigarettes After Sex - Finally, one of the best mixes of every song I have spoken about previously, is this moody sad love tune by the moodiest, saddest, love bands of the modern generation. There is an unspoken cheesiness of Cigs After Sex songs that for some reason, I am completely enamoured with because I feel like the notion of expressing things in a hyperbolic way has been tossed by the wayside. This group brings back the feeling of needing to tell someone how much they care and not caring about what anyone else thinks, which is important in a world that so often ridicules the ridiculous emotions that love brings about. In particular this song speaks to the feelings of needing to get someone out of a feeling they are trapped in, so to be with them fully, and telling the person they will be there in their lowest and darkest times. 

Hope you enjoyed listening with me, see you next week!

[quintisiscanon]

This was a post that was supposed to be up 2 months ago during the hiatus. But school work and procrastination. So here it is.

My views on Scorpion S3 as a whole. Or basically after like months of hiatus and how I viewed that hell of a season. And some theories for S4B. 

Warning: this will be me talking about how I feel, so I will not mince my words. Especially since I haven’t felt that positive about this season. If you don’t want to see a negative view on this season, please don’t read this post. That is also the reason behind why I am not tagging this in the main show tag. But I do kinda hope that you can read this post with an open mind (should you choose to) and understand why myself and some other people in the fandom feel this way about this season. 

Most of this post was done in the hiatus, but the portion after the false positive point was done after S4 premiere. 

#1 Nobody is perfect (except for Ralph)

This was a point that is being shown in this season over and over again. Just think about how people were supporting Toby or Happy, Walter or Paige in the various situations. It may seem like they are perfect, and are faultless in the situations. But I honestly don’t think so. The different situations (Tim, fake marriage, false positive, loss of memory, etc) helped to show us how they would react in such situations. Sure. It is messy. I or you may not agree with what they/he/she have done. But it showed that they are not perfect, and that is an important concept to get. Because if a character is viewed as perfect, that is really dangerous.

Do remember that it is fine to think that there are things that your fav has done is problematic! You don’t have to agree fully with what has been done.

#2 So… much… drama…

This point is really ironic. What made me love about the fandom is how free from drama it was back in S2. Sure, there were small fights and issues. But there weren’t anything major. It was really peaceful as compared to the previous shows that I loved. But S3 was… eventful. Honestly speaking, I don’t think that we will get back to that level in early S2. There were so many fans defending either Toby or Happy, Walter or Paige in the various arguments. I do think that it is good to have fans that are being vocal about who they support. But I just wished that it could have been like less volatile-ish? Idk how to put this across but I wished that there were lesser chances where fans had to pick a side. But I guess that this will increase as the show has more seasons.

#3 More team scenes please?

God. This was definitely something that I hated about this season. Like there were so many situations that made it seem like the team members were on different teams. This resulted in lesser scenes of the team just being happy and enjoying stuff. Like there were really little scenes of them enjoying themselves just because they can? Sure, you can say that it is due to the situations and how there were more pressing issues to handle. But I hated how it greatly reduces the chances to see them having fun just because they want to have fun. So I just really want to see more scenes of them having fun.

#4 Fake marriage

Pretty sure I have said my piece about this scam like 2 million times but here is my final thoughts on this issue. Sure, I am a lot better about this as of right now. But it does not mean that I am okay with the idea of Walter and Happy being secretly married for like 3 seasons. I can totally understand why it had to be kept a secret. But it would have been nice for Happy to try and subtly hint Toby that it could have been better if he doesn’t propose at that point in time. Then again, she could have thought that he wouldn’t have gone through with it. (I have like a lot to talk on this matter but I am gonna cut it short.) But my main question about this even up till now is that was Happy going to cut the marriage short if Toby didn’t propose? Like say if Toby doesn’t propose in the short future, will Happy just stayed technically married to Walter while dating Toby? 

Also, I am kinda upset with how this storyline was executed. This could have been done beautifully and had so much potential. But alas, it wasn’t really executed to the best. (I will expand on this last part in point #5) As a result of this fake marriage, I was super uncomfortable with Plight At the Museum, and most of the Walter and Happy scenes later on. At least up till the S4 winter hiatus. (I don’t do the whole forgive and forget thing easily. So yeah…)

#5 False positive

I was super excited about a Quintis baby. Still am but I am very sceptical now. (which I will touch on in the S4A part later on.) Like I loved the idea of them preparing to be parents. Like they were so afraid and unsure of this whole thing and I was sure that they will definitely get through it. Then came along the reveal which was a sucker punch to my gut.

At that point in time, I didn’t feel that the false positive arc was used to divert the attention away from the fake marriage. But looking back at it now, it really felt that way. Like we were so occupied. Let’s take a look back at that period of time shall we? At that time, we had Tim and Paige dating (I think???), the fake marriage shit, false positive, Toby being an overprotective dad, Happy being worried about being a mum, and some other stuff that I cannot remember. Like they just threw this arc in front of us and pushed the fake marriage to the back. I did love the arc back then and I would have loved it even more if it wasn’t used as a distraction.

#6 The lack of repercussion and …stuff

This is mainly in relation to the fake marriage part. I hate how it has been swept under the rug immediately after the reveal of the false positive, and how Toby was just suddenly okay with Happy being married with Walter in the next ep. The small mentions of the fake marriage is nice. On the other hand, it feels like a slap that felt like just a device to create shock throughout the fandom. Like it didn’t have any lasting impact? Or even take the center stage on how it was being resolved? “But Happy was pregnant then! That surely is more important! We also got the whole lying-to-INS thing!” Dude, I get it. But the pregnancy could have happened later on at a timing where it could be fleshed out properly. It should have been done with the same level of details (or perhaps more) as Cabe’s case in S4. Imo, that was really the ideal scenario for the fake marriage. There were certain timeline issues that came with the first few eps of the season. It was really jarring and didn’t make much sense. Should Happy be pregnant by the end of S4, I hope that if there isn’t a time jump, it will make sense in S5.

Some other smaller points that doesn’t fit in other parts

I get that Happy and Toby is the side couple. We only get to see them in the garage or when it relates to Walter. I truly get it. That’s why we don’t get to see them do a lot of stuff. But I am getting really sick and tired of missing so much on them. Especially when the main couple is finally canon and we get so much details on them. (Don’t get me wrong. I am happy that they are together and for the shippers too. The shippers deserve the happiness and details. But it’s just really jarring to have so much from one couple and hardly any from the other.) Like can you believe that we only saw them hold hands once up till S3 and two times up till S4? *I might be wrong but that’s what I remembered. 

The ep that they did in remembrance of Megan was really beautiful. I still miss her lots and wished that they continued the Megan Dodd Paediatric ward but… *shrug*

Cabe stepping up and being a dad to Happy was really nice and heartwarming. Even though I still doubt that the… timing of Patrick’s jail time was innocent (I feel like it’s setting up for Cabe to be her surrogate dad), but to see Cabe there for Happy was really nice. 

The S3 Christmas episode was a god damn mess and I wished that I have the ability to erase that episode from my memory. 

If it wasn’t for the Toby and Paige convos and Sly being an adorable human being, I would have burnt Plight at the museum from my memory. Because that’s how much I hate it. (Namely the scenes in the museum.) 

Dirty Seeds Done Cheap is an amazing ep. Like I have no words that can explain how much I love that episode. 

Essentially my view on this season is that you could have taken out S3 and just have Cabe meeting and falling in love with Allie, Sly running for Alderman, Happy and Toby getting married, Walter and Paige getting together over the hiatus and start with S4. Because that’s how much S3 lack an impact on S4 and the characters were. 

I guess that’s my opinion on S3. Being a bitter person that throws shade here and there (and still do when I watch the eps now tbh.) Also, just in case you are wondering how and why I am still watching this show despite so much anger and complains, I am just kinda taking a step back from this fandom and drama. I am not as involved as before because I got kind of tired of how things are going and some personal stuff. I am just turning my brain off a lot more when I am watching this drama. At certain times, I am just viewing this season/ep/parts as if it’s an AU. I was seriously intending to stop watching after S3 concluded but I ended up missing Toby and Happy way too much so…

I didn’t manage to finish the S4 recap before hiatus ended (because way too much bitter shit that I have to delve into) so I am just going to end this post with some theories on how S4B may pan out. I am not updated on any spoilers other than the ones from BTS and official spoilers so I might totally off.

Valentines’ ep should be interesting. I am still kinda suspicious of that Mr Grey line that Happy threw out. 50 Shades is coming out on V Day this year and I heard that this is the one that the female lead gets pregnant? Probably a stretch but a pregnancy thingy may be coming this way. Or maybe more mentions of that storyline. And this is the first Valentines’ that Walter and Paige are gonna have as an official couple! So that’s gonna be fun. 

Amy is said to be a recurring character so I suppose she is gonna appear again? Or it could be a typo in the ep 13 character list. I am just really excited to see how her appearance could have an impact on Toby and Happy.

I still feel that Collins is going to have an appearance in the S4 finale. Maybe he could have gotten one of the characters again? The last two eps should be tied together as per usual so that will be interesting. (But I think Joshua Leonard is in NYC now so I am not really sure about this theory.)

No. I don’t think for a second that Flo is here to be the third wheel in the Walter and Paige relationship. I know what the Nicks said and I think it was just to stir up something in the fandom. I do think that she might become Sly’s love interest though. 

I have another crazy theory that is based on some BTS but I am not sure. Like I feel that there are conflicting information in that BTS that makes it tough for me to come to a conclusion. So I am going to keep it to myself for now. 

[lovvedaggers]

The Dynamic between Kylo & Rey and where it can go: A parallel analysis with the Shatter Me trilogy

This meta is a collaboration between my friend @sillylovesongs17 and me. We decided to do this after I told her to read the books because I didn’t want to scream alone about this series. We think this is a wonderful example of what a relationship between Kylo and Rey should look like in the next movies and we hope you have fun reading this meta.

WARNING: There will be spoilers about Shatter Me and Star Wars.

Shatter Me is a book series written by Tahereh Mafi. Followed by Unravel Me and Ignite Me, Shatter Me tells the story of Juliette Ferrars, a girl that can kill with a single touch. After being locked up for 264 days, she gains a cellmate, a boy she thought she would never see again as the Reestablishment (the new government in power) has plans for her, Juliette must make a choice: be a weapon or be a warrior.

In this meta we will discuss the possibilities for Kylo and Rey’s relationship and where they might end up at the end of the sequel trilogy comparing them to the very similar relationship of Juliette and Warner in the Shatter Me trilogy.

We are aware that these stories are not the same but both dynamics are similar, sharing a lot of common traits so we’ll only analyze these characters and their dynamic only.

In the surface, Rey and Juliette share little in common. Rey starts of as a very capable scavenger, she can hold her own against enemies because she had a lot of time to learn how to defend herself in Jakku. In contrast, Juliette starts as a fragile girl, she’s locked in a cell for quite some time because of her lethal abilities and is on the verge of losing her mind.

But they do share similarities. Both girls were born with powerful gifts: Rey is force sensitive and Juliette has a lethal touch. She was abandoned by her parents because of her abilities and if the leaks about Ep. VIII are correct Rey’s parents did the same to her making both wish for belonging.

Rey and Juliette are destined for great things and one more thing they share is their uncommon relationship with the antagonist.

Kylo Ren and Warner share very similar traits, both in personality and their actions. Aaron Warner is the leader of Sector 45, viewed as a cruel sociopath by his soldiers and enemies he hides behind this mask not allowing anyone to see the real him until he meets Juliette.

With Kylo we have the same pattern, his descent into darkness is only stopped when he meets Rey. He senses that she’s special and their connection only grows after their first interaction.

Both Kylo and Warner are trying to please their leaders who abused them mentally and, in Warner’s case, also physically. In Star Wars, the Leader is Snoke, someone that according to the book “Aftermath: Empire’s End” has been watching and manipulating Kylo since before he was even born.

In Shatter Me, the Leader is Anderson, Warner’s father who treats him like shit. He taught Warner to be merciless and cruel hoping that would destroy the gentle nature of his son.

Warner and Kylo are both murderers, they don’t deny it but find no pleasure in harming someone. They are passionate and intense characters with a great sense of style and beautiful hair (sorry).

The point is, Shatter Me is a trilogy, divided exactly like the Star Wars movies. So, we will show how their dynamics are similar and with luck Mafi’s books will illuminate us, the reylos.

                 Shatter Me and The Force Awakens: 

                            Presenting the Characters

The book starts with Juliette in prison after years of passing through countless reformatories and mental institutions, her last home is now a solitary cell where she’s been locked for 264 days without no one to talk to but herself.

The only thing that keeps her from losing her mind entirely is the bird she dreams about it:

“Instead, I ignore the desperation sticking my fingers together and watch for the bird I’ve only seen in my dreams.”

(…)

“I’ve dreamt about the same bird flying through the same sky for exactly 10 years. White with streaks of gold like a crown atop its head.

It’s the only dream I have that gives me peace.” – Shatter Me. Chapter 6. Pg. 21.

Everything changes when a boy joins her. Adam is someone from her past but he appears to no longer remember her. They talk sometimes but never touch until she discovers that Adam works for the Reestablishment and he was only there to evaluate her.

She’s brought to the headquarters of Sector 45 and is immediately interrogated by Warner. His looks and youth weren’t what she was expecting it:

“I’m immediately struck by his youth. He can’t be much older than me.

It’s obvious he’s in charge of something, though I have no idea what. His skin is flawless, unblemished, his jawline sharp and strong. His eyes are

the palest shade of emerald I’ve ever seen.

He’s beautiful.” – Shatter Me. Chapter 8. Pg. 25.

This is a great parallel with Rey and Kylo’s first meeting. When Kylo removes his mask, Rey is expecting a disfigured almost robotic person and his looks caught her off guard:

“She just stared at him in silence. In itself the narrow face that looked back at her was not remarkable. It was almost sensitive. If not for the intensity of his gaze, Ren could have passed for someone she might have met on the dusty streets of Niima Outpost. But there was—that gaze. That, and what lay simmering behind it.” - TFA Novelization, Chapter 14.

“That happens when you’re being hunted by a creature in a mask.

Kylo Ren stops, considers her… then reaches up, unlatches

and REMOVES HIS MASK. Rey reacts, stunned. It takes a moment

before she regains her own mask of defiance.” – TFA Script.

The majority of the book is Warner trying to unlock Juliette’s power while she falls in love for Adam who has feelings for her. She discovers that he can, somehow, touch her and they start a relationship without Warner knowing about it. He tries to test her powers and pushes her to her limits using not so good ways to do it but it works with Juliette discovering her super force.

On TFA we see Kylo trying to get inside Rey’s mind. This works like a test, and she discovers she is Force Sensitive. Then Kylo Ren and Rey also create a bond (a deep connection, a link…). For Warner and Juliette this came with him touching her without being killed.

Juliette escapes with Adam leaving Warner in all his anger and confusion. Adam is Juliette’s love interest throughout the first book and since Rey doesn’t have a love interest in TFA there isn’t much to compare. Finn, who is Rey’s companion in the movie is more like Kenji Kishimoto, Julliette’s best friend.

While Kylo’s feelings for Rey aren’t explicitly stated, Warner’s feelings towards Juliette are very clear throughout the first book and even Adam notices that he treats her differently but all she feels for him is hatred and disgust:

“I hate you.”

“So much passion.” He laughs again. He looks so calm, so genuinely amused. He stares at me with eyes softer than I ever expected them to be.

I turn away.” - Shatter Me. Chapter 14.

Juliette and Rey are girls that never had someone who cared for them so the thought of losing Adam and Finn is horrible to them. Warner and Kylo both commit an act of violence against them making their hatred only to solidify. The word “Monster” is used by them to describe Kylo and Warner:

“You’re a monster.” My voice is too even, my body filled with a sudden rage. “Why don’t you just kill me?” - Shatter Me, Chapter 9.

“Ren held his lightsaber, poised to strike. “I could kill you right now. But there is another way.” Breathing hard, Rey looked up in disgust at the man looming above her. “You’re a monster.” – TFA Novelization.

Even with their feelings made clear both men still want these powerful women by their side:

“You and I, Juliette—together? We could be unstoppable.”

I will not look at him though I feel his gaze touching every inch of my body. “No, thank you.”

We’re in the elevator. The world is whooshing past us and the walls of glass make us a spectacle to every person on every floor. There are no secrets in this building.

He touches my elbow and I pull away. “You might reconsider,” he says softly. - Shatter Me. Chapter 13.

“No. You need a teacher.” He was beseeching and insistent all at once. “I can show you the ways of the Force.” – TFA Novelization.

At the end, they both fight. Who wins? Yes, the girls. Rey uses the Force and kicks Kylo’s ass. Juliette uses the attraction that Warner feels for her and shoots him. Then both women runaway with their friends and find their resistance. The men are hurt, but still alive.

                     Unravel Me and The Last Jedi: 

                          Finding Common Ground

Since The Last Jedi isn’t out yet we will analyze the events of Unravel Me and compare to what may happen in TLJ based in what we know so far.

After scaping from Warner, Juliette and Adam are brought to the resistance by Kenji, their friend. There she meets Castle, a mentor for her, that wants her to train and learn more about her abilities but it’s hard for her. She can’t concentrate in her training and everything seems out of place. As her relationship with Adam starts to crumble, her dreams come back and she doesn’t understand:

“The dreams are back.

They’d left me for a while, shortly after I’d been freshly imprisoned on base with Warner. I thought I’d lost the bird, the white bird, the bird with streaks of gold like a crown atop its head.

(…) It was my one piece of hope in the bitter darkness of the asylum, just until I met its twin tattooed on Adam’s chest.

(..) I thought it was a signal, a message telling me I was finally safe. That I’d flown away and finally found peace, sanctuary.

I didn’t expect to see the bird again.

(…)

I’ve had the same dream every night for the past week, and all 7 mornings I’ve woken up shaking, shuddering into the earthy, icy air, struggling to steady the bleating in my chest.

Struggling to understand what this means.” – Unravel Me. Chapter 4. Pg. 28.

The belonging she thought she had found with Adam and Castle’s resistance isn’t real, she still feels incomplete like something is missing.

The same can be said that this might happen with Rey. After her forceback, Maz tells her that the belonging she seeks it’s not behind, in the past, but ahead in her future. Rey thinks it’s about Luke and becoming a Jedi but she might find out that the belonging she wants rests with another person.

Rian Johnson compared TLJ to Letter Never Sent regarding how the story shifts in the middle surprising the audience. We know that Rey and Kylo don’t have the basic hero/villain dynamic and this could be one of the surprising elements. Showcasing their bond and the connection they feel to each other but for this to happen they need to spend time together.

In Unravel Me, Juliette’s feelings about Warner starts to change when she sees him commit an act of kindness:

“And I wish I’d never seen it.

Because something inside of my heart is ripping apart and it feels like fear, it tastes like panic and anxiety and desperation and I don’t know how to understand the image in front of me. I don’t want to see Warner like this. I don’t want to think of him as anything other than a monster.” – Unravel me. Chapter 20. Pg. 101.

Her doubts about him only increases when she meets him again, this time with his father Anderson, the Leader of the Reestablishment:

“And I see the difference in him now. I see what’s changed.

He’s making no effort to hide his emotions from me.” – Unravel Me. Chapter 35. Pg. 154.

Anderson knows about his son’s feelings towards Juliette and plans to kill her in front of him to teach him a lesson:

“The mistake”, he says, almost announcing it now, “that he always makes, time and time again – allowing his emotions to get in the way of his duty – it’s pathetic”, he says, spitting in Warner’s direction. “Which is why as much as I’d like to let you live, my dear, I’m afraid you’re too much of a distraction in his life. I cannot allow him to protect a person who has attempted to kill him” – Unravel Me. Chapter 35. Pg. 157.

Just as we suspected that this was what Snoke wanted to do with Rey, to kill her in front of Kylo because he felt compassion for her:

“Kylo Ren. It appears that a reminder is in order. So, I will show you the dark side. Bring the girl to me.” – TFA Novelization.

Juliette wins over Anderson and Warner is taken as hostage by their resistance. Once there, Castle states that Juliette must interrogate Warner because he’ll only talk to her.

They spent time together and the connection she feels with Warner is stronger than everything she has ever felt:

“Because there’s something about him – there’s always been something about him that’s intrigued me and I don’t understand it. I wish I could ignore it but I can’t.” – Unravel Me. Chapter 50. Pg. 203.

“But I know that I don’t hate you anymore. I’ve tried,” I say, “I’ve tried so hard. Because you’ve done so many terrible, terrible things. To innocent people. To me. But I know too much about you now. I’ve seen too much. You’re too human.” – Unravel Me. Chapter 50. Pg. 207.

They start a strange relationship, Warner thinks he knows her, knows what she feels and she is confused about Warner, not wanting to believe that he can be more than a monster. She likes to spend time with him and she hates herself for that.

She’s the only person to who Warner is kind. He sees her as his equal and explains why he wanted her by his side:

“He looks at me. Really, really looks at me.

“You’re going to go on to do incredible things,” he says. I’ve always known that. I think I just wanted to be a part of it.” – Unravel Me. Chapter 52. Pg. 218.

When Warner discovers that he has abilities, Castle offers him a place there, in their resistance but Warner refuses. That’s not who he is, he can’t change for a matter of days and forget everything he’s done. He knows nothing is that easy because he can sense other people’s feelings, he can feel the hate they have for him and that’s why he can’t stay:

“Feel what?” I whisper.

“What people think of me.”

“What…?”

“Their feelings – their energy – it’s – I don’t know what it is,” he says, frustrated, stumbling backward, shaking his head. “I’ve always been able to tell. I know how everyone hates me. I know how little my father cares for me. I know the agony of my mother’s heart. I know that you’re not like everyone else.” His voice catches. “I know you’re telling the truth when you say you don’t hate me. That you want to and you can’t. Because there’s no ill will in your heart, not toward me, and if there was I would know.” – Unravel Me. Chapter 54. Pg. 227.

Their feelings for one another are so strong that they almost have sex. Warner wants Juliette to go with him, they fight and he escapes alone.

Now back to TLJ, we know that Kylo and Rey will spend some time together on Ahch-To. According to some leaks, Kylo will go after Rey maybe finding her by their “mysterious connection”. He will be stuck on the island with Rey and Luke. Their relationship will evolve (without the “almost have sex” thing, of course), and they will get out of Ahch-To, so who knows?

We only know for certain that Kylo and Rey need to spend time together, their understanding of one another in TLJ is crucial to their future.

Another thing that we will have to wait and see is the answer about Rey’s family. Mafi’s trilogy could give us a way. Juliette was abandoned by her family and we don’t meet them. She is no one, her parents aren’t important to the story only Juliette and the discovery of her abilities are.  It’s a good contrast to Warner’s background, he is like royalty, son of the Reestablishment’s Supreme Leader.

A broken young man that meets a strange powerful girl with who he shares a connection. Sounds like something we know?

At the end of book two, everything goes to shit. Their resistance seems to be over and Juliette and Warner seems to be the only survivors making their mission to destroy Anderson.

Based on leaks, it seems that Luke and Rey get off the island and go their separate ways. Luke goes after Snoke while Rey goes after Kylo. If their connection is truly explained and deepened in this movie maybe Rey asks his help to defeat Snoke (we can only hope).

         Ignite Me and Episode IX: A forged Alliance?

This segment is basically our hopes and dreams for Rey and Kylo’s relationship since we have no clue to what will happen in Episode IX.

Ignite me sums up everything that me and Lu want for reylo. Obviously, we don’t know anything about the last movie but we want to show you what happens in the last book of the Shatter Me trilogy. Oh, and dream a little.

Juliette is now a strong woman who wants to make things better for the people. She decides to kill Anderson and stop the Reestablishment. Warner doesn’t change so much, he still cold, quiet, with a beautiful hair and only cares about Juliette, the love of his life.

Juliette and Warner spend the whole book together. He’s now the only one she can trust and their bond only grows as the trust is built between them. Warner believes in her and see her as an equal something that Juliette never had before:

“I like the way I feel about myself when I’m with him,” I say quietly. “Warner thinks I’m strong and smart and capable and he actually values my opinion. He makes me feel like his equal – like I can accomplish just as much as he can, and more. And if I do something incredible, he’s not even surprised. He expects it. He doesn’t treat me like I’m some fragile little girl who needs to be protected all the time.” – Ignite Me. Chapter 25. Pg. 105.

In return, Juliette sees the real Warner, someone he tried to hide for so long that he almost lost sight of himself:

“You allow the world to think you’re a heartless murderer,” I tell him. “And you’re not.” – Ignite Me. Chapter 4.

He tells everything to Juliette about his sick mother, why he freed her in the beginning, about the men he killed and everything he did for her. The girl now understands that he is a soldier and not a monster. Juliette finally understands him completely and she accepts who he is, the good and the bad parts of him:

“I’m not trying to fix you; I don’t think you need to be fixed. I’m not trying to turn you into someone else. I only want you to be who you really are. Because I think I know the real you. I think I’ve seen him.” – Ignite Me. Chapter 29. Pg. 120.

If Kylo and Rey spent so much time together as did Warner and Juliette this would be the kind of development that we could see happening between them. They aren’t black and white characters, both Rey and Kylo have darkness in them and the acceptance of each other’s darkness (and light) is crucial to bring balance to them and The Force.

Juliette finally understands what her dreams meant and (shocker) this is the belonging she looked for:

“Warner. A white bird with streaks of gold like a crown atop its head. A fair-skinned boy with gold hair, the leader of Sector 45. It was always him. All along.” – Ignite Me. Chapter 31. Pg. 124.

Juliette only acknowledges that her feelings for him are indeed romantic in the last chapters of the book. That is something that we would like if it happened to Rey and Kylo at the end of the movie.

“What – ‘’ Warner is blinking fast. His voice is fragile, uneven. “What are you saying?”

“I love you,” I whisper. “I love you exactly as you are.” – Ignite Me. Chapter 55. Pg. 200.

Also in this book, Warner loses his mother and Juliette is the only one there to comfort him. The only thing we know about Episode IX is that Leia is not there but this will certainly affect Kylo’s storyline.

“I’ve never, ever seen him look like a child before. Never, not once, not in all the time I’ve known him. But right now, he looks just like a little boy. Scared. Vulnerable. All alone.

(…)

“His eyes are red-rimmed and a startling, striking shade of green, shining with barely restrained emotion. His face is the picture of so much pain.

I almost can’t breathe.” – Ignite Me. Chapter 50. Pg. 189.

Now our favorite part is obviously Juliette and Warner working together. They make an alliance and built their own resistance gathering the survivors of the last battle along with Juliette’s friends to fight against the Reestablishment.

I mean, don’t we all want to see Kylo and Rey kicking Snoke’s ass (or Hux, sorry I’m not sorry at all), using the force bond and being amazing together?

This was basically it. We wanted to show how the writer wrote this very similar dynamic respecting the characters and their development making them a couple you want to root for. We expect reylo to be subtler than a YA book since their audience is PG but if TLJ follows just a bit of this same path we don’t need to be worried about Episode IX at all.

[callunavulgari]

Scrapbook 2017, Take 1

Scrapbook for 2017, because I actually kept up with it last year (for the most part) and it helped a lot. So, rules!

Italicized titles = enjoyed muchly, bold titles = love, titles with an asterisk* = OBSESSION and titles in (brackets) are re-watches/re-reads. And lastly, strikethough = DISLIKE.

Goals are: read thirty-five new books this year, finish four video games, finish writing and publish the Sabriel AU, and write something original. Even if it’s just a collection of short stories.

MOVIES

January:

(Flubber)

Arrival

(Spirited Away)

KH X

iBoy

February:

The Awakening

(Finding Dory)

(The X-Files)

(V For Vendetta)

La La Land

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

(Interstellar)

Ex. Machina

March:

No Country For Old Men

Beetlejuice

Pontypool

Logan

Get Out

Beauty and the Beast (remake)

It

April:

Tales From Earthsea

(The Secret World of Arriety)

(Inside Out)

(Kubo and the Two String)

May:

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

(It)

The Secret Life of Pets

(Moana)

Stargate

Your Name

BOOKS

January:

Vicious | V.E. Schwab

Goldenhand | Garth Nix

Frankenstein | Mary Shelley

Illuminae | Amie Kaufman [Fin]

February:

Before the Fall | Noah Hawley

The Martian | Andy Weir

March:

Before the Fall | Noah Hawley 

The Martian | Andy Weir

Annihilation | Jeff Vandermeer

April:

Annihilation | Jeff Vandermeer [Fin]

Vicious  | V.E. Schwab [Fin]

A Conjuring of Light | V.E. Schwab [Fin]

Love for the Cold-Blooded: Or: The Part-Time Evil Minion’s Guide to Accidentally Dating a Superhero [Fin]

May:

(American Gods)

PODCASTS

May:

The Bright Sessions Eps 1-31

Alice Isn’t Dead Eps 1-2

TV SHOWS BY SEASON

January:

Stargate Atlantis s5

Sherlock s4

Gate

Steven Universe

Travelers

Trollhunters

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Skam

Voltron

Konosuba

Stargate SG-1 (s1)

Taboo

February:

Stargate SG-1 s1, s2

Yamishibai

Frequency s1

(The X-Files)

Grey’s Anatomy s3

Taboo

Legion

The Flash

Black Mirror s1

March:

Legion

The Flash s3

Taboo

Supernatural

(Hannibal s1)

April:

Legion 

Rick and Morty s3

The Flash

Grey’s Anatomy s4, s5

(Hannibal s1)

The Expanse s1

Trollhunters s1

American Gods

May:

American Gods

Sense8 s2

The Flash

Grey’s Anatomy s5, s6

Wynnona Earp

Grace and Frankie

Riverdale

Steven Universe

VIDEO GAMES

January:

Pokemon Moon (7 hrs)

Dragon Age: Inquisition (Dwarf Rogue; 1 hr)

Final Fantasy X (2 hrs)

Dragon Age: Origins (Male Human Mage; 52 hrs)

KH 2.8 | BBS; A Fragmentary Passage (3hrs)

KH DDD Remake (1 hour)

February:

Pokemon Moon (15 hrs)

Dragon Age: Origins (Male Human Mage; 52 hrs)

Mass Effect 2 (Male Soldier Sheppard; 1 hr)

Assassin’s Creed 2 (8 hrs)

Silent Hill 3

March:

Fallout New Vegas

Horizon Zero Dawn (80 hrs) [Fin]

Mass Effect Andromeda (Female Ryder; 41 hrs)

April:

Mass Effect Andromeda (Female Ryder; 83 hours) [Fin]

Persona 5 (80 hrs)

May:

Persona 5 (96 hrs)

Nier: Automata (4 hrs)

LoZ: Breath of the Wild(40 hrs?)

DELIGHTFUL FIC

January:

Stargazers by Ruby_Wednesday (Captive Prince; Laurent/Damen;  Five years after the Truce of Marlas, Damen and Laurent meet again in Delpha. They're forced to work together to soothe the growing tension between their countries. But Laurent does not forgive easily and Damen's not that sorry.)

con·tra·dic·tion by caseyvalhalla (Yu Yu Hakusho; Kurama/Hiei;  Mukuro raised the paper until it was out of range, just to make Hiei lean up on tiptoe, just to see that curl of anger on his mouth again, and she smiled sweetly enough to bare all of her teeth. “Why are you exchanging love letters with the right hand of my political rival?”)

in another time in another castle by caseyvalhalla (KH; AkuRoku; No one grows up without regrets.But time moves in cycles, winds back on itself, and sooner or later that kid you used to play video games with is gonna reappear just in time to ruin your day.)

Hernandes & Jones by antistar_e (kaikamahine) (SU; Japis;  In Miami, it's a statuette. Jasper tells her, "Come on, I need your help," and Lapis says, "That's nice. What part of 'I'm not wearing a catsuit' do you not understand?")

i have my body (and you have yours) by astoryaboutwar (YoI; Yuuri/Victor;  Yuuri overflows with the weight of things that have been said, trembles with what remains.)

A Somaal Universe by antistar_e (kaikamahine) (SU; Japis; Connie flips over the next card. "'Most likely to -'" She reads out loud, and then dissolves into laughter and has to start over, propping the card up on her bump. "'Most likely to freak out when you go into labor and break the speed limit getting to the hospital?'" "Pearl," Amethyst and Jasper say in unison.)

Let's Give Ourselves Promises of Our Unending byaimmyarrowshigh, nichestars (SW; Shara/Kes/Cassian; Captain Cassian Andor tries to define what it means to live after he should have died. His second life is a softer one.)

Abstain by resonant (SGA; Mcshep;  Aliens force John and Rodney not to have sex.)

Advantage by resonant (SGA; Mcshep;  This slave-owner thing was a lot of responsibility.)

Streets In A World Underneath It All by ISMENETRUTH (SGA; Mcshep; "Puddlejumper One: An Exclusive Portrait of John Sheppard on Atlantis," John reads aloud, smirking. "Funny, I'm pretty sure I've never met the author.")

Faith healing by aesc (SGA; Mcshep; The signal had started a year and a half ago, maddening, popping up in Chicago, D.C., Charlotte, New York City, Santa Fe, Montgomery, Santa Cruz, Seattle, a town in Kansas with a name like Desperation and a place in North Dakota called, from what Rodney could remember, Sweaty Groin.)

The home front by aesc (SGA; Mcshep; “This had better be the Sheppard residence,” Rodney says, brilliant, agitated life and volume against a monotonous day and Dave’s subdued welcome, “because I’ve been driving around for hours and if I ever find the woman who did the voice on my GPS system I’m going to personally amputate her vocal cords.”)

Reality by Resonant (SGA; Mcshep; McKay was the perfect object for a crush you never intended to do anything about.)

Cultural Exchange by lamardeuse (SGA; Mcshep;  "What does he think we are, Fine Arts majors?" Rodney grumbled.)

Do You Know What I Know? by DevilDoll (SGA; Mcshep;  "You need to come here, "John said, crooking a finger, "so I can slap you in the head.")

Pegasus Non-Verbal by igrab (SGA; Mcshep;  John always gets a little thrill when he sees Rodney sign at him across the room, casually dissing people literally standing next to him and John is the only one who knows.)

Junk Cheap by DevilDoll (SGA; Mcshep;  If you were thinking you'd love to read an AU where Rodney is a college professor and John owns a junk shop, this is the story for you.)

Denial by DevilDoll (SGA; Mcshep;  "John talks about you all the time.")

All The Way To The Bone by respoftw (SGA; Mcshep;  John is ready for a new beginning and he wants the tattoo to commemorate it. )

February:

Calling Down the Lightning by dreamwaffles (SGA; Mcshep;  Dr. Rodney McKay, PhD PhD, is a wizard.)

Forget Me Not by maisierita (SGA; Mcshep; John the servant turns out not to be anything like Rodney would have imagined.)

Unidentified by fiercelydreamed (SGA; Mcshep; Fourteen years, eight months, and seven days after John and Rodney meet, the clock starts all over again.)

into that secret place where no one dares to go by verity (TW; Stiles/Lydia; 4k; The first time he felt Lydia's soul, it felt like a sneeze.) 

Black Helicopters at Dawn by whizzy (SGA; Mcshep; 240k;  Screw the bet. Rodney was going to prove the existence of extraterrestrial intelligence. Oh, and incidentally, he might just catch the United States Air Force with their pants around their ankles.)

Out in the Open by Xparrot (SGA; Mcshep;  It's Situation Normal for the team when they're caught in an avalanche, but digging themselves out uncovers more than they counted on.)

A Rational Universe by Xparrot (SGA; Mcshep;  "You're a lot more encouraging than my last friendly hallucination," Rodney says.)

Speech Deprived by Xparrot (SGA; Mcshep;  Rodney was released from the infirmary with painkillers, icepacks, and a strict injunction to limit all unnecessary speech for at least three days.)

Lord of the Sea (masterpost) by Multi (SGA; Mcshep; Among the Goa'uld, Mer'deth was something of an oddity.)

The Return to Normalcy by  Cypher (SGA; Mcshep;  The three month anniversary of the exile--as John thinks of it--falls on a three-day weekend.)

Still by murron (SGA; Mcshep;  On any other day, John might have shot Rodney a quick look, broadcasting his doubt and checking whether Rodney shared it. With a sinking heart, Rodney admitted it would be foolish to expect that kind of exchange right now.)

March:

Surrogate God by PepperPrints (The Flash; Reverb/Harry;  When Harrison Wells returns to Earth-2, someone is waiting for him. Reverb survived Zoom, but with the cost of losing his abilities. Convinced that Harry can return his powers to him, Reverb holds him captive, and he's asking for more than Harry can deliver.)

My Father Before Me by telleer (SGA; Mcshep;  Even after twenty years, Rodney still has no idea how to raise children.)

We Cannot Live Within by laureltreedaphne (SGA; Mcshep; John grinned. "So McKay's attractive to everyone?")

Before We Get Going, Here's Some Books I'd Like You to Read by Chash (The 100; Bellamy/Clarke;  Two months into her new job at the library, Clarke knows the following things about Bellamy Blake: they reserve a lot of books, they have good taste in said books, and they're really good at avoiding her.)

Livewire by marauders_groupie (The 100; Bellamy/Clarke;  Clarke Griffin finds 'Atlas' written on her wrist and Bellamy Blake sees flowers bloom on his skin.)

For Love of the Hunt by acidtonguejenny (Horizon Zero Dawn; Nil/Aloy;  If she’s hard on Nil, it’s because she understands more of him than she wants to.)

Heavy Weapons and How to Use Them by Armengard (Horizon Zero Dawn; Aloy/Petra;  The world ended, and then it didn't, and Aloy seeks a new purpose. In the meantime, visiting Free Heap and one Petra Forgewoman every so often is certainly worthwhile, as Aloy eventually finds out.)

Like a Lightning Strike by miss_aphelion (Hannibal; Will/Hannibal;  In a world where omegas are instant celebrities and treated like royalty, Will just wants to be left alone.)

babel by spqr (X-Men; Charles/Erik;  Two days ago Charles screamed loud enough that Erik heard him halfway around the world, but he didn’t listen.)

Under the Sea by astolat (SGA; Mcshep;  "Oh, thank you," Rodney yelled over the howls of do that conga!, "because what my night was missing was being groped next to the beer keg by a guy in a tiara.")

Lord, Save Me from Your Followers by anamatics (Supergirl; Lena/Kara; Kara, perhaps out of a want for thoroughness in her story, perhaps out of a Millennial-born urge to creep on a the social media of a woman she finds intriguing, discovers that Lena Luthor has a pretty active following on Instagram one afternoon not long after their first meeting.)

The God Machine by robotboy (Marvel; Loki/Tony; Tony goes undercover to spy on Loki. It's a fucking disaster.)

April:

Debt by Storynerd (Marvel; Tony/Loki;  Tony Stark shouldn't find Loki fascinating, but he does, because all he’s ever wanted to do is take things apart to see how they work. Besides, he’s never been any good at following the rules.)

in stasis by ilgaksu (Voltron; Keith/Lance; The story starts like this: with a story where you think you know the end, until it turns out you don’t, until it turns out you didn’t have a clue.)

Yuri!!! in Space by Fahye (YOI; Yuuri/Victor;  "No, see, we've all been trained a certain way. The training system is traditional; it's centuries old. Nobody taught you. You ballist like it's got nothing to do with war at all." A sleepy, extraordinary smile crawls over Victor's face. "Nobody else does it like that. That's why we're going to win.")

hood & glove by Fahye (YOI; Yuri/Otabek;  "I don't mess with the fae," Otabek says.)

between the motion and the act by Fahye (Captive Prince; Damen/Laurent; "They don't want it to be real," Laurent says. He touches lightly, with his fingertips, where he's written LOVE WINS. "They want us to sell them a fantasy, and they want just enough reality that they can pretend it might happen to them, one day.")

May:

A Perfect Commotion by Ruby_Wednesday (Captive Prince; Damen/Laurent;  Laurent needs this job. Not in the I need to put food on the table and a roof over my head kind of way. He's got a generous inheritance, thank you very much. No, he needs this job to prove he is a functioning adult who did not waste his late mother's money on an expensive education. He can be normal, whatever that is.)

Don't Turn Me Home Again by gyzym (Hawaii Five-O; Danny/Steve;  After a rough day of island living, Danny wakes up in New Jersey and learns the hard way to be careful what he wishes for.)

What We Pretend We Can't See by gyzym (HP; Harry/Draco; Seven years out from the war, Harry learns the hard truth of old history: it’s never quite as far behind you as you thought.)

Favor for Your Four-Chambered Heart by @kaikamahine (SU; Jaspis; Never Let Me Go AU)**

With Fire in Their Eyes by Asuka Kureru (Askerian) (YoI; Yuuri/Viktor; He lands butterfly-light in a swirl of hair and glittering gauze, and the ceiling crashes to the rink all around him.)

An Unpredictable Amount of Turtles by skoosiepants (TW; Sterek;  Stiles says, “I have a five year plan. A five year plan to popularity that will tank the minute I meet this guy.”)

Bring a Towel by verity (SGA; Mcshep;  It was just Rodney's luck that the guy with the strongest expression of the ATA gene on Earth was some lanky alpha who couldn't follow an order as basic as "don't touch anything.")

Crypsis by zoemathemata (SGA; Mcshep; Rodney McKay is the pissiest Alpha John Sheppard has ever met. And that’s saying something.)

Zen and the Art of Jumper Maintenance by Indybaggins (SGA; Mcshep; The one where Rodney gets sucked in and John… follows. Featuring a quirky John, Rodney in orange robes, crazy Ancient-worship, sheep milking and jumpers that aren't broken but need to be fixed anyway.)

Out of West by rageprufrock (SGA; Mcshep;  In 1991, Desert Storm began, Pete Rose got banned from the Baseball Hall of Fame, the Soviet Union collapsed, and Rodney McKay was framed for academic fraud.)

A Slightly Different Quality of Light by rageprufrock (SGA; Mcshep;  John's very first memory, the one Rodney finds after he goes through six separate data terminals--all of which he has relocated to a roomy lab with lots of windows--is of the sky.)

Bell Curve, or, Ladies Night at the Boom Boom Room by rageprufrock (SGA; Mcshep;  In his rational mind, Rodney knew that following a girl who'd just dumped you into a strip club was really, really pathetic.)

Lock the Door by rageprufrock (SGA; Mcshep; "You can't possibly be this stupid," is what Rodney finally decides to start with.)

No Less Unthinkable by rageprufrock (Yuri On Ice; Yuuri/Viktor;  In which Katsuki Yuuri fights a losing battle with chronic anxiety, the quadruple Salchow, and his own judgment four drinks in — but wins the war.)

DELIGHTFUL FANVIDS

January:

Glitter & Gold (Voltron)

► Multifandom | Saturn

Yuri On Love

A Sadness Runs Through Him - a Gravity Falls PMV

win | multifandom (2015 mashup)

hero | multifandom (2016 mashup)

Multifandom | Goodbye 2016

take it slow | multifandom

ruins | The x-files

McShep - Run Baby Run

McShep - Can't Pretend

February:

Superhero; SGA, Mckay/Sheppard (mcshep) 

Burning Desire (Peter/Roman)

►Purple Lamborghini

►MAD HATTER

Multipsychos | I got blood on my hands

Dean Winchester | Born to be wild (8k)

multifandom || The Apotheosis of War (TYS) 

star wars || timelines

Captain America • Symphony of Violence

March:

N/A

April:

As Much As If You Were A God 

►MultiFandom | Believer

"Lenny"/David [Legion] || give it a twist

►MultiFandom | Stay

May:

Kylo Ren || believer

DELIGHTFUL MUSIC

January:

Fassine | Feather Jesus 

DJ Earworm Mashup - United State of Pop 2016 (Into Pieces)

What’s The Use In Feeling Blue - Steven Universe\

Caravan Palace - Lone Digger

Yoga Session 08 - Music for Meditation and Relaxation

Utopia (Jana Hunter Remix)

Not Afraid Anymore

Susanne Sundfør - (LidoLido Remix) The Brothel

Run Baby Run - The Rigs

February:

The Man Who Sold the World - Midge Ure (2010 Remaster) 

Donna Burke - Sins of the Father

Liz Phair - Got My Own Thing

Seinabo Sey - Pistols At Dawn

Laura Marling - Rambling Man

Willy Moon - Railroad Track

March:

Undiscovered First - Feist

Kubo Soundtrack

Matt Maeson - "Cringe"

Tribe Society - Kings

Elephante - Black Ivory

BISHOP - River

BISHOP - Wild Horses

Lisa Hannigan Oh You Pretty Things

Nina Simone - Feeling Good (Bassnectar Remix)

MIX - MAURICE RAVEL Bolero

Rag-n-Bone Man - Human

April:

The Judge - Twenty One Pilots

Horizon Zero Dawn - Complete Soundtrack (OST)

Believer - Imagine Dragons

Kygo, Selena Gomez - It Ain't Me

K.Flay - Blood In The Cut

Stargate - Waterfall ft. P!nk, Sia

Portugal. The Man - "Feel It Still"

Doc Robinson - Golden Daze

Iko, Iko - the Dixie Cups

Brian Reitzell feat. Mark Lanegan - “In The Pines”

May:

Feist - Century 

Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon - Rafferty

Evil Woman - Electric Light Orchestra

Guardians Inferno (feat. David Hasselhoff)

Moby - Memory Gospel

Above & Beyond - Good For Me

Jack Johnson - The Sharing Song

Lamb - Wise Enough

Otto Knows feat. Avicii - Back Where I Belong

Emmit Fenn - Painting Greys

Bon Iver - Holocene

Made In Heights - Murakami

DVBBS & Shaun Frank - La La Land

Totemo - Host

Years & Years - Worship

Klyne - Paralyzed

Embrace - Goldroom

MØ - Say You'll Be There

Zella Day - Sweet Ophelia

Every Other Freckle - Alt J

Angel Haze - Moonrise Kingdom

BANKS - Better

Marian Hill - Got It

Glass Animals - Holiest Feat. Tei-Shi 

WRITTEN FIC

January:

Piece From a Satyr Play (SW; Reylo; 141 words; Her hair is done up in white ribbons, three enormously lopsided buns trailing down the back of her neck.) 

Wasted Early Sunday Morning (SW; Reylo; 434 words;  Her skin is smoother than his, smoother than many of the people that he’s touched in his life, and he aches to touch it now, watching her stretch lazily in the early morning sunlight, spine arching like a cats.)

Cosmic Love (SGA; Mcshep; 786 words;  There’s solid matter under the palm of his hand, a beating pulse, and a heart to go with it. A living person that Rodney thought that they’d lost.)

can’t help but be wrong in the dark (The Flash; Barry/Julian; 2,942 words;  The day that Allen had snarled an insult back in response to one of Julian’s cutting remarks, he’d gone home and fisted his cock furiously, thinking about the slant of Allen’s mouth and how it would look smeared with come. How Allen’s hair would feel, knotted in Julian’s fingers as he fucked his mouth.

eat flowers, breathe light (SGA; Mcshep; 1585 words;  John gives Rodney a dreamy smile, swaying slightly towards him, and says, “You have really beautiful eyes, you know that?” )

February:

Bifurcation Theory (TW; Stiles/Derek/Lydia; 7208 words; Lydia sucks in another shaky breath, trying to think of a polite way to explain that she's sorry, that this was a mistake, and she didn’t mean to bother him. Just as she’s opening her mouth, Derek sighs gustily, the sound breaking apart with static in her ear. “What’s Stiles done now?” he asks, his tone resigned.

March:

Ain't At Home (Home's Where I'm Going) (Horizon Zero Dawn; Aloy/Vala, Aloy/Avad; 2 Chapters - WIP; 3420 words;  “Not all comforts are bad,” Vala whispers, and Aloy shudders apart.)

April:

Ain't At Home (Home's Where I'm Going) (Horizon Zero Dawn; Aloy/Nil; Aloy/Petra; 2 chapters - WIP; 1872 words;  She’s beautiful, deadly, her eyes gone sharp and flinty as she stares down each of her victims. Nil licks his lips, throat working when she turns to him afterwards, eyes soft again, now that the killing is done.)

love, can't protect you now (SGA; Mcshep; 1635 words;  “When they come,” Rodney tells him quietly, “I won’t kill you.”)

May:

Ain't At Home (Home's Where I'm Going) (Horizon Zero Dawn; Aloy/Erend; Final Chapter; 1539 words) 

Say You'll Be There (The Flash; Barry/Iris, Barry/Thawne; 1159 words;  Barry swallows, fingers tangling with hers, and says, “Storms make me think of him.”)

FANMIXES/GRAPHICS

January:

Keep Your Heart Inside: A mix for love, hazy and undefined, the kind that leaves you wanting.

February:

N/A

March:

you know the words: a mix for your inner weeaboo.

April:

Cotton Candy Skyline: music for picking at scabs.

May:

[lizacstuff]

Sen Çal Kapımı Ep 40 anon asks

Thanks for the asks, it was fun to talk about this episode, answers under the cut

Anonymous asked: it's amazing how the addition of the kids brings such a new light, a breath of fresh air, in the show. and i'm normally someone that doesn't like kids in my stories/tv shows, but i somehow LOVE it here already. maybe because the way serkan's relationship with her will develop is so different than normal. i haven't felt my heart in these characters like this since maybe 28.. i was hestiant about the plot when it was first introduced but now i think it's exactly what the show needed right now

Agreed. I also usually don't like precocious children on my TV. The show Single Parents is the lone recent example where I was able to enjoy them, but that was mostly because they all acted and talked like adults, lmao.

However, seeing Eda and Serkan with their child and, watching Serkan bond with her, and then anticipating the three of them finding a way to forming the family they should have had all along... MY HEART.

Everything feels re-energized and fresh. You know, part of that is also probably the rest that the cast and crew were able to enjoy over hiatus. The pace they worked at for 11 straight months was ridiculous, I'm glad they all got the chance to recharge and then come back to revitalized writing as well. But to your point, Kiraz really has brought new light to the show and I'M HERE FOR THIS JOURNEY.

Anonymous asked: i didn't have any idea that i could look forward to scenes besides any other characters than eda and serkan in the show, but my want, no NEED, for more serkan and kiraz scenes are overwhelming. i'm so excited to see how their relationship develops and changes once he finds out thats his daughter. one thing ayse knows how to do is a good buildup, and i'm expecting nothing less here!

Yes, I'm going to look forward to Serkan/Kiraz scenes each and every episode. It seems like we're going to get at least an episode and a half before he figures it out, so I think the writers really wanted to show us Serkan bonding with her and falling under her spell before he has any idea of their real relationship.

It does feel special to have him soften towards her when he's hell bent on having nothing to do with children, but still feels this connection with the child without knowing why. In this episode they already showed us many parallels to his relationship with Eda, but there's a larger thematic one where Serkan Bolat does what he wants and is beholden to no one... until he meets a special lady who turns his life upside down and to whom he can't say no. The first time was Eda, now it's his daughter. I will never be over him being late to a meeting but sitting there waiting for a child he's never met to pick her blackberries.

I already feel my heart melting at the scenes I'm sure we're going to eventually get. The first time she calls him Baba. The first time they hug. The first time she falls asleep on him. The first time they say I love you. And Eda watching all of it with tears in her eyes. Gah!

Conversely the emotional scenes we are in for when Serkan finds out that Eda never told him and they both confront why and how that happened.... we're not ready!

Anonymous asked: Do you think Serkan never actually showed Eda that flower necklace again after he found it on the boat? It sounds like they were considered engaged again at some point but this wasn't used and he still has it in that form.... so has she always thought it was lost at sea? I actually don't care for it as her engagement ring anymore but I think if it came back up, I want him to give it to Kiraz. I think that'd be symbolic.

Yes, I would like that too, as long as its curse doesn't carry over to the next generation! Kiraz does not deserve the tragedy that has befallen her parents. Can they find some shaman or someone to spiritually cleanse it or something?

Since the necklace is in the vault I'm going to assume he never told her he rescued it from the boat. She probably still thinks its at the bottom of the sea. If you think about it, they got back together, he immediately found out about the tumor and started the bucket list and then when she found out they went right into fighting cancer mode. So he was probably waiting for the right moment to give it back to her and it never came.

Anonymous asked: The Burak character seems kinda boring so far. I don't think I'd even ship him with Melo - let's find her a hot guy off of the beach instead.

Agreed! So far he is blaaaaand, a bit whiney, but mostly a non-entity. Which at least tells you he wouldn't have stood a chance even if Serkan hadn't come back into her life. Our Eda would never end up with a slice of stale wonderbread.

Melo deserves far better as well. I really do hope they find someone for her before the end of the series, just because the character wants to be in love so badly, not because everyone has to end up paired off.

Anonymous asked: Why did Leyla leave Sen Cal Kapimi? Did last nights episode also confirm Ferit is never coming back?

I assume the writers/producers decided that the character of Leyla had run her course and wouldn't add much to a season 2. I'm not really surprised, as much as we enjoyed Serkan bey yelling her name, she was the only regular character that was often left out of big group scenes, and she just didn't really have much to do other than a little office comic relief once in a while.

Yes, Ferit is also gone, Cagri confirmed, however I'm not sure about the "never" coming back. He's not a part of this story arc, but I suppose you never know what can happen and I wouldn't rule out them bringing back characters like Ceren and Ferit for a guest spot in the series finale, maybe an appearance at an Edser wedding or something like that. Melisa is on a Fox show after all. You never know! But even if we never see them again, at least we know Ferit and Ceren are happy in London and looking forward to expanding their family.

Though, that does beg the question... did Ferit and Ceren get married? Because if they did and had a large wedding, that seems like an event that both Serkan and Eda would have been invited too...

Anonymous asked: i think the biggest difference that i wasn't expecting to feel, was how right away i felt like these characters were BACK, in a sense. the last few episodes of s1, after the memory plot, it just felt like we were floating aimlessly with the plot direction.. so they would just throw random plotlines in there in hopes to prolong the series. now, i immediately feel the cohesiveness of plot already, and maybe thats the benefit of getting to write way ahead of schedule and knowing when the end is.

Yes, I feel this way as well. They didn't seem to have a strong direction after the amnesia. I'm not sure what they would have done with the tumor plot if COVID hadn't ended the season early, but it didn't feel like they had a specific direction in mind.

As you say, in this episode it did feel like the characters were back, especially after so many were unrecognizable during the amnesia plot. GAH! Not to belabor the past, but they pretty much had to ruin every side character in order to make Selin-the-villain work and it was honestly one of the worst decisions they could have made. I still think how much better those episode would have been if they were just dealing with memory loss and the return of robot Bolat without all of her nonsense and every other character pretending it was normal.

As I said back then, if you have to ruin every character to make your plot work... rethink your plot.

Anyway, it does feel like they were able to write ahead. They've clearly been filming season 2 episodes 1-4 (40-43) a bit out of order, utilizing locations to their fullest. Rumor has it that 4 is the last episode that takes place out at the beach hotel...we shall see! I don't know if there's any truth to that or not.

Anonymous asked: Something I'm confused about - did they reveal who did the breaking up? Because if Serkan ended it with Eda, why was he so bitter during their first coffee meeting? Was he just being irrational and had no business being angry? Or do you think there's something they haven't shown yet that Eda did? It seems like the blame is entirely on him right now, even if we as the audience can understand why he'd push her away after the brain tumor

I think some of your confusion may stem from trying to "pick sides" in what appears to be a pretty tragic situation. Why are you trying to place blame? I honestly don't get this mentality.

It remains to be seen how this is going to play out, but you seem to be looking at it as if one party decided they didn't love the other or betrayed the other and that's why they broke up, while I personally can't imagine that's how it went down.

If you watch the flashbacks, they clearly were deeply in love and committed while he was fighting cancer, but it was taking a terrible toll on both of them and he was struggling with everything including his own mortality. Again, I don't know which direction they're going to go, but I'm willing to bet you big bucks that the break up was at his instigation but he did it because he wanted her to lead a better life than what he thought he could give her and he knew she would never leave unless he severed their ties and was cruel in the process.

Also I think you may have misread the reason he got angry during the coffee date. I didn't read it as general anger at her over the breakup. You might watch it again and see what happens right before he makes his hurtful remark. I thought he got touchy when she wouldn't tell him if she was in a relationship and then told him he didn't understand anything about love and that this was a mistake. This is a man who has probably been in love with her every minute of every day of the last five years and here she is telling him he doesn't know what love is. I can see why that set him off a bit and it's also why the writers had her apologize for that line after he apologizes first. I'm not saying that was fair of him, which is why he apologized, just understandable considering his emotions.

Also can't he be bitter at circumstances, fate, the universe, his illness, everything that has happened to him and kept him from the life he once dreamed of with her? And now, whether it's fair or not, he has this fear she's living it with someone else?

For me, shipping is much more fun if I'm not constantly picking sides and pitting one against the other.... so I don't. Period.

Anonymous asked: i've seen so many ppl in the fandom be mad at serkan for what he said during that coffee scene (how GOOD was that entire scene tho) but barely anyone mention that afterwards he APOLOGIZED!! they BOTH did for the things they said and how they knew they didnt mean it. i wish the fandom would take these angsty scenes in strides instead of using it to pin serkan and eda against each other when in the show they clearly move past it. they are actually TALKING! that should be more important.

Preach! This is what I'm saying. I loved that they were talking in this episode, something that was sorely missing from this show. And as you say he apologized! This is a man who in episode 9 ran all over town, handcuffed her, spent all day with her and did everything in his power to get her to forgive him except for the one easy thing which would have worked off the bat... apologizing. It's so hard for him and the fact that he did it here, the next day, and without cajoling from her or anyone else speaks to the fact that he has not regressed to full Robot Bolat. Some of the growth we saw is intact!

As far as being mad at Serkan, I don't get that. It's obvious that his cancer was a heartbreaking time for both of them and ended up ripping them apart. I don't understand how you vilify a character like Serkan after everything he's been through. Yes, Eda, poor thing, has been the one holding it all together through every heartbreaking thing that happened, but Serkan is the one who actually has lived it. He's the one who was in a plane crash, he's the one who was brainwashed and preyed on by a psycho, he's the one who had a year of his life erased, he's the one who got a brain tumor and was confronted with his own mortality. The man has been through constant trauma!

Like... can we cut them both some slack?

Anonymous asked: I think that the doctors told Serkan he couldn't have children as a consequence of the cancer treatments and that's the reason why he pushed Eda away. That would also explain why he tried to become immortal through architecture. At first I wasn't a fan of the time jump, but I loved bölüm 40. I cannot wait to see Serkan falling in love with his daughter, reading her fairy tales and teaching her magic tricks and all he knows about the stars. I hope that we get a flashback of Eda's graduation because I'm a hundred percent sure that he was there watching her.

Yes! I saw this theory on twitter, and now I hope it's how it plays out. If would make so much sense. He knows how badly Eda wants a family and if he found out that news, after probably already feeling horribly guilty about the way she put her life on hold because of him so many times, and in his (probably) post-illness depression, I could easily see him deciding he needed to push her away for her own good. So that she could go have the family she dreamed of and he wouldn't keep holding her back and ruining her dreams. In that state of mind he wouldn't have been thinking clearly, and adoption and other alternate ways to have a family wouldn't have even weighed with him. He would have just felt worthless and decided she was better off without him, and it's 100% entirely in character for him not to tell her the real reason why.

Can you imagine if he found that out and decides to push her away for her own good right when she's headed to tell him she's pregnant?? Gah! Timing! But she's never able to tell him because he knows she wants kids so he used that fact and emphatically tells her he doesn't want kids, he wants nothing to do with kids in order to drive her away? This sort of tragic misunderstanding is soooooo them.

And that would explain why he's still so adamant that he wants nothing to do with children. A self-defense mechanism because he had to put away his own dream of having a family with her. It would also explain why it might take him a few episodes to figure out the truth, if he doesn't think he can have children, it gives him no reason to suspect he does have a child.

We'll see how it plays out but this would be a way to keep both of them from being to "blame" for the breakup. Once again tragic circumstances, bad timing, and terrible communication.

One bright note, other than the GIANT secret Eda is keeping from him, their communication was improved during this episode. Eda, at least, got to have her say and it felt cathartic to watch.