#or ​it can be taken somewhere else

[di-loves-coffee]

Shshshshhh, I’m not posting Dead On Main at one am when I’ve got school in the morning, you’re craaazzzyyy

•~•—•~•—•~•

Jason flinched for his gun as the sound of the loud, dingy window opening clambered through his dingy apartment, only to calm as the gentle feel of a core’s purr hit him.

Danny. Of course it was Danny. Who else would come through his window at three pm on a Wednesday.

“Damn, you really are boring outside of your night job.” The twinkish young adult smirked as he flopped onto the couch. Lying right against Jason.

“Fuck you.” Jason heatlessly snapped, not at all bothered by the halfa’s presence.

“Damn-straight you do.” Danny’s smirk told the whole story as Jason had to fight to not damage the book in his hands. Taken aback by the sudden flirting— even while(probably) satire.

“I’m going to choke you,” Jason spoke after taking a couple deep breaths and reclaiming his dignity— even if his own core absolutely gave it away.

“Oh yes plea—” Danny started to jokingly keen, only to get cut off by a pillow being shoved into his face. Jason’s attention still mostly focused on his book.

•~•—•~•—•~•

I was worried this wouldn’t post for a sec

[cometblaster2070]

i'm making myself laugh thinking about this but I wholeheartedly believe madame morrible absolutely HATES the thought of glinda and elphaba being together like the mere mention of gelphie would probably send her into immediate cardiac arrest and it's not even because she's homophobic or anything I just fully believe she dislikes glinda so so much she's just like this is absolutely NOT happening in my house.

glinda and elphaba are having their gay ass moment and she's like "I sense a disturbance in the force; the wind is telling me those fucking lesbians are at it again."

like IK this woman hates to see glinda's fruity ass coming for several reasons but first and foremost I believe it's because she's so fucking ANNOYED by how much elphaba loves and cares for her, like this pink bitch is throwing a wrench in her plans just by EXISTING and being herself.

and she can't even really do anything to glinda because it'll make elphaba upset and she really can't have that so she just has to sit there and be like

[nevertheless-moving]

unable to stop dwelling on the discworld trouser leg of time where, in the penultimate fight scene in Nightwatch, Carcer manages to kill teenage Sam Vimes.

Which means that the future that Duke Vimes came from can no longer exist, which means he can’t go home. Meanwhile you’ve got a bunch of history monks with stored up temporal energy, a prepared space outside of time, and the need to do some desperate damage control before the Auditors get involved. Death shows up, reality is unweaving, Sam is reading Carcer his discworld miranda rights because what else is he supposed to do.

and finally, with little other option, the monks de-age Sam so he fits the time period and send him back out into the fray.

(they didn't call it deageing of course. His memory is hazy, splintered during that terrible in between moment, They....took the time out of him? Sanded away the edges of his self for a terrible, workable fit? It...wasn't a good feeling.)

Just—damn. Sam Vimes having to live his whole crapsack life over again, but this time as his disillusioned-reillusioned, unwillingly-character-developed, noir-epic, Duke of Ankh, Commander Sir Samuel Vimes self. 

Younger (Older? He's never felt so Old, His steps so Childlike, reality twisting in his gut like one of Dibbler's pies) Sam Vimes walking around in a haze after the revolution. Desperate to go home, knowing he can’t. Wanting to drink. Knowing he can’t.

The whole precinct feels pity, he really took Keel’s death hard, hardly speaks except to do his job. Eventually he has to grit his teeth and start being present, because what else is there to do?

Resists the urge to drink until Colon takes the whole watch out to celebrate because -he’s going to be a father!

Come on Sammy, one drink won’t kill you— and after the first drink he’s cracking jokes and after the second hes smiling and after the third hes honestly the life of the party and sometime after that he’s crying about how he was going to be a father and my wife would be ashamed if she saw me drinking like this and— 

Oh shit, Did anyone else know he had a wife?? A PREGNANT wife??? What—aren’t you like 12—no you're 17 now aren't you but when did—

You guys n’ver met ’er—oh gods none if you ev’n know ‘er, is jus’ me...

What—when did you lose—

I lost her the same damn day I los’ ev’rythin else, whadya think...bleeding Carcer...the fuckin revolution...

So! That! Sam only vaguely remembers the night, but rumors travel faster than light on the disc, so by the next day the whole damn city knows about poor Sam brung low by the loss of his poor, tragic, pregnant wife, so young to be a widower, and the Seamstresses nod because they already knew, don’t ask them how, somethings you just have to know in that trade.

And his mother—I don’t know, sue me, I’m a time travel fiend but there’s something deeply intriguing about a man meeting his dead parent, who is somewhat younger than him, and stepping into the old relationship like a badly fitting thing that's supposed to fit well. She would know, right? How would she deal with her son’s impossible grief? Maybe she wouldn’t know—he spent most of the time out of the house, running with different street gangs, maybe he avoids her until she dies and lives with the guilt twice over. God, we don’t even know her name. There’s just so much narrative and emotional potential that I don’t even know where to start.

When he’s on duty, which is most time - it’s agonizing because at first he remembers cases, saves lives that would have been lost. But the more time passes, the hazier his memory because in the original timeline he was becoming an alcoholic. Fuck! A kid dies and he could have saved her if he hadn’t been such a drunk, if he had just remembered where the asshole lived, but it’s all a haze, and he wants to drown out his guilt, but that’s what caused this in the first place.

Good young Sammy, who spends his rare off-time in dusty libraries (and yes, the irony that he’s apparently Carrot now is not lost on him) reading gods-only-know.

It’s not like he can ask the wizards for help, cutthroat and vicious as they are now in the not-so-distant-past.

Good young Sam, who...talks to the Broken Drum’s pet Bouncer like he’s a real person and not a dumb rock? That’s a bit weird, but he’s a bit of a funny guy.

Good old Sam, who believed the testimony of the dwarf who said the humans were trying to rob him and let the dwarf go??

the PROBLEMS this man would cause, good grief. Can you imagine a moderately progressive middle aged man with some degree of begrudging diversity and equity training that he did, for all his sins, pay attention to, suddenly going back to like, 1990, going back just 30 years, and going...oh damn this is kind of fucked up, no man you can’t say that, holy shit.

Except Sam’s lived through even more rapidly shifting social moroes! There’s no seamstress guild, there’s no women allowed inside the university, there’s no black ribboner’s society. People hunted trolls for their teeth! But Sam can’t just unlearn everything, and he can’t shut up, and he has no real luck and anyway he would absolutely get himself (temporarily) fired.

FUCK. Sam has no idea what to do with that. None. Zero clue. Wanders around in a haze until that dwarf he saved from police brutality finds him and insists on repaying the debt. No, he insists, do you have any idea what debt means to a dwarf?

“Sort-of?” he replies hesitantly, and that honest admission of incomplete knowledge shows a hell of a lot more respect and understanding than any self proclaimed dwarf-expert ever did.

Gets a job as a surface man, hauling rocks into the city. It’s backbreaking work, but, in true Discworld fashion, it’s also one hell of a workout (again the irony of being Carrot is not lost him. he freezes for a minute while hauling a rock cart, when he remembers he's technically Lost Nobility too, in a strict sense, but someone curses at him in the street and he's comfortingly grounded)

And here is where this au slides into a SPECTACULAR romantic comedy, BEAR WITH ME. Because in his time on the Watch he’s already done noir, action adventure, war story, detective who dunnit, psychological horror, but guards guards only allowed him to be a romance protagonist in an extremely limited context.

Give me righteous, twenty-something-looking, can’t-say-he-doesn’t-have-style, young Sam Vimes, not an alcoholic,  being fed three square meals a day by his dwarven forced found family, hauling rocks. He is startled to find him bumping his head on a low hanging bar that he doesn’t think used to be there, eventually realizing that he’s an inch or two taller than he remembers. Huh. Guess all that bearhuggers really did stunt his growth.

Still doesn’t get what some of the looks from women he’s getting are about, sure, he’s dirty but so is everyone else. Fine, he took his shirt off, but it’s hot out, there’s far wrinklier than him hauling heavy loads, get a life. 

Happens to glance in the Ankh one day when it’s particularly slow and shiny and is startled to realize that he might be turning heads for a different reason. Oh. Right, not that he was ever a heartbreaker, but he did alright for himself... when he was a younger and his face hadn’t been broken so many times. Which...it isn't now.

Is mildly disturbed by the revelation.

Especially once things blow over at the precinct and what with high mortality rates, he ends up with getting hired again. The boys are delighted to have him back, nevermind that he’s an odd one, noone is ever quite in your corner like Vimsey, absence makes the heart fonder, no one else works that hard, and he’s not even competition for promotion. All around great guy, we should set him up with somebody and just, no.

It just keeps getting worse! He’s literate! He’s a feminist! He believes abuse victims! He’s got a tragic backstory! He’s unreasonably good in a fistfight! He’s kind to animals! Word gets around that there’s a good man on the watch and he’s just waiting for a good woman to come snap him up. The widower excuse doesn’t hold people off completely, and for some it’s its own sort-of appeal. 

Things REALLY become stressful after he rescues that carriage full of noblewoman.

What’s he supposed to do? Let them get robbed? Or worse? Chasing down and beating up 10 goons is as easy as beating up one, when they’re that stupid, getting separated like that, drunk and distracted, and he knows these streets better than anyone, really it’s nothing. And oh lord he’s Modest too.

I mean, they were genuinely greatful, as genuine as people like that are capable of being, the skill having grown rusty. And then there is something...magnetic about the man. An air of command.

So, soon enough you get Lady Marigold of Marigrave calling on Treckle Road for that gallant young officer who rescued them, she really needs to thank him. And Viscountess Elanor Thitzferal specifically requesting that he guard her at her next soiree. And Baroness Julieta van Shoeholten insisting that he come to her home while her husband’s away, for... manly protection.

Aaaah just zero sympathy from the guys. None. 'It’s become a competition, they’re just trying to see who can get me into bed first, it’s like I’m a piece of meat, you can’t send me sir, the Marquess greeted me in a nightee last time you made me go to—' and 'small gods Vimes are you even listening to yourself, shut the hell up'.

Simultaneous to this, (again this is several years into the timeline) swamp dragon accessories come into style. Which means abandoned swamp dragons scrounging on the street. Vimes takes one back to his apartment, blows his paycheck on dragon medicine, and eventually, heart in his chest, brings it to the Ramkin estate. The sunshine orphanage doesn’t even exist yet and he’s just standing outside the gates like an idiot, what is he thinking. Turns around, but her carriage is pulling up and—

well. they meet. it's cute. he's never felt so young. he's never felt so old, too old for her, too poor—

and certainly her thoughts linger too long on the awkward, kindly, handsome young commoner, but is it any wonder she doesn't quite connect it to the stern, dangerous, sexy young guard the ladies seem to be in some quiet, cuthroat competition over?

i have this gorgeous, absurd scene in my head in which Vimes is strong armed into standing guard at some high society soiree and one of the pushiest ladies insists he dance with here, or, if he prefers, if he's not confident about his skills, he can dance with her in-private at her home and he’s like [grinding teeth, looking for a way out, seeinf one] “I would be honored to dance with you.”

Steps right into some ultra-complex dance with multiple partner swaps (she never thought he'd pick this one, devilishly intimidating to one not strictly trained, and you barely spend anytime with your first partner).

But he does alright. Better than alright, for a common man, sometimes misstepping but his hands and feet always end up where they need to be. Raises several eyebrows part way into the song because he's throuwing in some slightly scandalous, no innovative, extra lifts and twirls that wouldn't become fashionable for another decade or two. Who even is that guy? Some out of towner? No, no he's in a guards uniform...how very strange.

Gets to Sybll and she's used to embarrassment during these dances, she tries to get out of them when she can... but can't always. Men awkwardly skipping the lifts, or worse, trying and failing. But him — oh it's him, the one who helped little Erold, and looked at her like—like—well like she was someone beautiful. And he's doing it again, and he's strong and there's a quiet moment where she's in the air, they lock eyes, and the rest of the room melts away.

And then the partners change again, the moment ended.

Just...living throught it all again. To the left, a dance he almost knows the steps to, throwing others off balance with erratic moves , honest mistakes, and delibrate stepping on toes. Improvising. Ruining. Improving. Getting far, far too much attention.

Hes almost excited when the first assassains start coming after him. It's like a hobby.

Everyone tells him he should get a hobby.

Interactions with young vetinari...I don't have the energy to write it all down, the slow circling in on each other, both burning with the need to fix the city, save it, their city.

needless to say he ends up fired again, life under real threat after offending some high lord.

Conveniently enough he has an employment opportunity- bodyguard to fucking Vetinari on his 'grand sneer.' The bastard knows vimes isn't what he seems, though sam is pretty sure that he doesnt know the exacts.

Vetinari hypothesis:(the ghost of keel? Keels son, with some hereditary curse? Or a larger spirit of justice possessing a string of unrelated souls? He knows things he shouldn't- mind reader? Fortune teller? Havelock once arranged for a wizard to bump into him on the street, the magical fool gave an odd double look and then muttered something about destiny looping in on itself giving him a headache. Destiny? Lost noble? And hes far too familiar with sybyl, one of the few bearable noblewomen in this city. And his thoughts on guilds, when havelock can trip him into speaking... Most of all, if hes reading him at all correctly (for all the mystery hes not that hard to read, unless thats a very clever cover) then it seems that behind those dark haunted eyes is Respect. Loyalty. For vetinari. What an interesting man. A puzzling asset. An intriguing threat. )

Did I mention the timeline is changing, healing slowly around the place where it was torn? Healing enough around scars to perhaps get some flexibility back, with some painful stretches and...massaging of said scar tissue?

And hes heading to unresting uberwald, a place where a werewolf pack still hunts humans and, truely unrelated but perhaps equally exhausting, an eldritch spirit of vengeance just might be looking to stretch its legs in a hapless vessel?

Opening drabble Vimes Vetinari Meta (Unwell) Scene from the Uberwald Grand Sneer

[kidokear]

Gabv1el nation! Please, hear me out.

inhale

Gabriel calling V1 'my light'.

[birthclod]

thinking about ch0mpkin's evil evbo post (evilbo, if you will) and going "How can I align this with My Interests (the axes)" and the answer is Very easily actually

[imrllytootiredforthis]

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭:

My taglist is now open for stray kids, txt and ateez. Just a few things first though (please read all of them):

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[authenticcadence18]

Today I fled a store bc a song I have a complicated history with came on.

and it wasn’t like. a famous song. I’ve dealt with pop songs coming on with painful connotations in public—recently in fact.

but today’s was a song written for a movie.

I’ve never heard it on the radio or in a store. it’s not really a popular song.

I used to love that song. And the movie it was written for. in some ways I still do.

but it was distressing to hear it out of the blue. especially bc I’d been reflecting on what the song reminds me of and how I’m in a better place before I went in. it was a cruel twist of irony that it came on.

I was holding clothes when the song started. I wanted to try them on but I felt trapped. I couldn’t fathom trying on clothes while that song played. I just put the clothes on the rack as fast as I could and hightailed it out of there before the first chorus finished.

all this to say: if you have the option to walk away from a distressing situation, even if it seems small and silly to make a big deal out of it, you can walk away. you don’t have to force yourself to be strong. you don’t have to endure. sometimes enduring is leaving and that’s ok.

[westmeath]

done a complete 180 with my twitter vs tumblr usage where i used to use twitter constantly and maybe not use tumblr at all for days or weeks even at a time but twitters genuinely gotten so bad under elon musk with the bots/nazis boosted to the top of every reply section... i still use it a lot lmao but mainly stick to a private account & i hardly look at my timeline anymore cus it's so miserable. at the stage now where i just can't wait to see which will happen out of either elon being forced to give up his ownership of the site or it being shut down entirely

[jubileebloom]

fat people can be malnourished. malnourished people can be fat. they're not mutually exclusive. you know this, right? it's important to me that you know this

[oc-cinematic-universe]

dara and rowena were on opposite sides of the mothering spectrum with theron i think. both of them came into a caretaker role for them suddenly and unexpectedly. dara did not care about them and made sure they stayed quiet and out of sight. rowena loved them with all she had and put their needs above everyone elses on earth. both of them fucked it up immensely and gave theron even more mental problems

[whoslaurapalmer]

all the utilities have finally been contacted!!!!! 💖 still crying because it is still overwhelming and I get scared i didn't ask the right questions and get costs as low as possible and there's other stuff I have to do today but!!!!!!!!!!

[littledragonkana]

Me: ok I'll just go north to get to the quarry and then go to bed.

DA:I: How about you first spend 20 minutes to find a way to go to the north of the map only to find out you'll need to do a task on the war table to do it and then spend another half an hour in sky hold because you just happen to be there and need to kiss your husband boyfriend and then you return and need to solve a complicated puzzle to get out of the cave that leads up north and close a few breaches because they are on the way and fight other enemies that just won't let you run past them and then get the quarry?

Me: Deal!

[muse-write]

Maybe I need to stop watching Ariel Bissett’s vlogs. I covet her house.

[sherlock-is-ace]

What is it with emails? Why can't people just read?! You have the message right there, if you scroll back up when replying, you can read it again. I don't think I've ever, in my entire life, have gotten an answer to all the questions I asked in an email...

I've tried bullet points, I tried bold font, I tried separating each question into a different paragraph. I don't know what else to do.

Is it an unspoken rule I know nothing about that you have to choose only one of the questions (or sometimes none of them) to reply to? They're not options for a fun little activity, they're actual concerns I have as someone who's going to work for you!

What the actual fuck is wrong with people?! Just fucking READ!

[orcelito]

I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement

It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao

[lanternlightss]

The King (isat) and Decarabian (genshin impact) being friends. The king and deca being friends. the. the them. do you see my vision

They need to work together to create a deranged plan where they trap everyone within a certain radius to “protect” them. They need to be absolutely unhinged with “I want to help you. I promise I am doing what’s best” <- lying (firmly believes they are telling the truth) (that is not the truth)

dictator buddies. the theory that deca’s tower resembles an observatory. Blinding explosions. their enemies being scrunkly little nonbinaries with daggers, cloaks and bloodlust. Soooo normal about those two. <- needs to draw them together but doesn’t know what design to use for decarabian 😔

i see it. im seeing it. i am reaching out and shaking the table I SEE IT AND !!!!!!!!!!!!!

god if they teamed up with the strategies they already have, everyone would be so screwed over. you can’t get out, not without the high chance of being frozen in time. you can’t get in, unless you’re able to manipulate the winds to not tear you apart. you’re stuck. you’re stuck and there’s little you can do about it. pray and hope someone comes and helps you. (in the same vein, if the old mond crew and the isat crew teamed up ??? holy SHIT it would be a sight to see. like amos and odile and bonnie in the background, covering everyone’s back ? rhw, gunnhildr, isabeau and mirabelle making sure no one gets through ? bard and siffrin at the forefront ??? double trouble. double trouble WITH the buffs and if wispti is able to buff everyone as well. like godbless 🙏)

though i wonder if decarabian would convince the king to only freeze certain people in time, not everything. we need the people to be able to do what… they need to do, on a day to day basis, right. eating is one of those. they should get to eat. okay? these guys over here however, who are threatening our ways—

it would be so fun to see them together too especially if decarabian is. within human height? like 6-7 feet tall, compared to the king’s. up to the ceiling height. does the king crouch even further down to talk to decarabian. does deca not care.