#ooc- so hes scared that hes doing something bad awful wrong | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lowkeyrobin · 6 months ago

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Hello I was wondering if you’d be able to write a Ranboo x Gender neutral reader that’s struggling with a smoking addiction, which Ranboo helps them quit, however their life starts to get difficult and they start struggling, so they start to smoke again in secret to cope, however ranboo ends up catching them (only if you’re comfortable with writing something like this, if not I completely understand) :)

- 💠

ooo sure ; idk that much about smoking other than what I've seen and learned first hand so sorry if this is wrong in any way lol ; also dw, I've become more comfortable writing ab this stuff so its alright 🫶 ; thanks for requesting, hope you enjoy!

RANBOO ; smoking section

summary ; youre doing your best to quit smoking but you need help

warnings ; language, smoking, addiction, weight loss/lack of eating, relapsing, mentions of alcohol & pills, kind of ooc fight thing but angst comes first

track ; smoking section ; jelly roll (not a word...)

word count ; 1.5k

masterlist

"I need help."

Those three words, so heavy, carrying so much weight on your shoulders, were responded with a nod and a little smile. It was like that weight was lifted off your shoulders when you saw his expression, like the fear of rejection and anger had quickly been swept away from you.

You'd been addicted to smoking for a long time. You started just for the edge, to feel anything but stressed or scared. Then you got addicted, to the nicotine, the motion, the buying a pack a week, like a routine. You tried giving it up to replace it with vaping and even alcohol, but it never went away, you were too down the rabbit hole of addiction.

You'd been bound by shackles and chains, the addiction unable to be tamed.

You didn't know where to go, the fear of asking your boyfriend ate you up inside. Never in a million years would he shame you for trying to quit, but he didn't know you were that addicted, he'd yet to see that side of you. He'd never put together that all the bathroom breaks and walks outside, even the sitting on the stairs on the porch, were all smoke breaks.

He'd seen you smoke, obviously, but he only saw you do it once or twice a day, and he didn't have a problem with it. You were your own person and you could make your own decisions, as long as you were being responsible.

Responsible was a funny word. You'd never smoke and drive or do it around your friends, but you weren't responsible with how you'd been addicted to it so long like this.

After a while, they started to notice your change in demeanor, the more and more time away from them you needed, it was all adding up. You turned into an asshole when you couldn't get your way, often raising your voice to get a way outside.

He'd caught you wiping the walls when he came home one day, that was the final thing to solidify the suspicion.

He saw the smoke residue on the towel, the smear marks. It broke him. You were smoking inside now, for how long?

He couldn't bring it up, and could only wait for you to ask for help. He couldn't ask for you.

The first week was hard.

He took away your lighter, you had to ask him to smoke now. You felt like a toddler asking their mommy for permission to eat candy.

His plan was to edge you off of it and maybe get you on nicotine gum and get you a whistle necklace that you could inhale into, because the movement was engraved in your brain.

They'd given you that necklace, and anytime you went to the gas station, they'd make sure you couldn't buy any more cigarettes. It was awful, no matter what, you felt trapped.

You'd step away to smoke and forget that you didn't have your things, and nearly start crying.

You weren't ready to quit, you just wanted to.

You'd become more anxious and emotional, you yelled more. They put up with you, knowing that quitting an addiction like this was hard.

You realized after a month of easing out that your life wasn't as bad as you thought before. You created your own problems that you couldn't fix yourself and drowned yourself. That's what you thought, at least.

You'd been sober for a month now. You still had the whistle necklace, and you stayed away from nicotine gum and vapes, knowing it'd only cause another addiction.

He was proud of you, especially after you admitted to everything you'd been doing then, and you properly apologized for it. You confirmed his suspicions, including the excessive smoking inside when he wasn't around, which was staining the walls. He ended up throwing the Fabreeze out as well, considering that's how you hid it a lot.

Ranboo was mostly just grateful that you didn't try and rebel against them and resort to pills or alcohol.

But you did end up relapsing.

It wasn't time.

You'd fallen into a depressive episode, feeling like you were collecting dust on the shelf. Your streams became more infrequent, your appearances anywhere diluting. A lot of fans already knew what was up and started analyzing your every move, any that you did make for that matter.

No matter how much you reached out for help, and no matter how much you received it, you couldn't get back on your feet. Your day consisted of lazing around, listening to music, and secretly smoking behind your partner's back. You felt awful for doing it, but you had no other way to coexist with your addiction. You'd lost five or so pounds already, dark circles weighing your eyes down, grogginess ruling over your soul.

You became an asshole again. Ranboo tried to defend you because maybe you were trying to fight back a relapse, but little did they know you already had.

You sit on the porch outside, smoking a cigarette from the secret pack you kept under the board on the back, which slid to the side enough for you to be able to hide shit behind it. Your head rests in your hands, a cigarette between your index and middle fingers, the smoke trailing away from you in the slight breeze.

Ranboo steps outside to ask if you're okay, and as the door closes behind him, he sees the cigarette in your fingers. You realize it's him and throw it down, and use your shoe to put it out. He stares at you in shock and disbelief.

How long had you been lying to him?

"What are you doing?" He asks, barely even a question as you look at him. His voice is laced with anger and disappointment.

"Nothing." You lie. You don't even know why you're lying. He saw you smoking, trying to lie or gaslight your way out of it isn't going to solve shit.

"Nothing?" He scoffs, "Are you fucking kidding me? How long have you been lying to me? You promised you'd stop, yet you're hiding it from me, again! You don't want to quit, do you? You just like the sound of it"

"Shut the fuck up!" You groan, standing up. "It's just one-"

"It's not just one!" He shouts, holding up two empty packs he'd found in the trash, which is what he came to talk to you about in the first place. "It's three packs, at least. How long have you been smoking again?"

You're silent for a moment. "...Two months"

"Two months?" He repeats with a not-so-happy smile. "You're kidding. I've been lying to our friends for you for two months?"

"I never asked you to-"

"I've been lying to everyone for you! Defending you! You're no better than you were before we started dating, Y/n. You said you were doing better and had it under control. You've always been lying to me!" He argues. "Don't tell me to shut up, I've been trying to help you! You swore to me yesterday that you weren't smoking!"

You're silent now, biting the inside of your cheeks. Your fists are clenched, your knuckles turning white.

"You realize I have to try for you too, right? It's not just you, okay? I'm here too!" He throws the empty packs down at your feet. "Go live with your shame somewhere else, I can't do this with you anymore. Every time you swear you're gonna stop or try and plan it, you never do it. You just like the idea of stopping. No matter what anyone does for you, you're still gonna smoke behind their back instead of try and take their help."

"I was clean for a month!"

"Were you?!" He yells, "I don't know if I can believe you at this point!"

"I'm sorry-"

"Saying sorry isn't gonna fix what you did anymore. I can't help you."

"Please, Ran, I love you!-"

"If you loved me, you would've gone to rehab like I suggested."

You stay quiet, knowing he had a point.

Tommy, Freddie, and Charlie had heard you fighting outside and were all hoping that their chat couldn't hear either as they continued baking in the kitchen like nothing was wrong. Some viewers were questioning where you both were, but they clearly couldn't hear any of the shouting outside.

The three, however, could hear it clear as day. They were worried for both of you but silently and mutually agreed to discuss it all later.

When only Ranboo walked back in with a fake smile to continue streaming, they knew it was bad. You'd ended up going for a walk to cool yourself down. He wanted to as well but had other priorities that came first.

He felt like shit for yelling at you, but he knew he had a point. He felt the guilt eating him up inside, but the fake smile and happy energy had to stay for now.

"Fuck!"

#lowkeyrobin #mcyt x reader #mcyt preferences #mcyt oneshot #gender neutral reader #gn reader #they/them reader #ranboo x reader #ranboo oneshot #ranboo imagine #💠 anon

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iwriteinsertreader · 3 years ago

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Straw Hats with a reader who’s similar to Komi Shouko (Komi can’t communicate)

A/N: Welcome to my first insert reader!! This is my first so there might be some mistake and some chr might be OOC (I haven’t watch one piece for a while) moment so I really hope you don’t mind and I’ll be gladly take criticize to improve more. So enjoy!! >3

| Reader is gender neutral (They/Them), Komi can’t communicate references, character may be OOC (Out of Character), their relationship is platonic etc. |

Okay that mean two things

You’re gorgeous, and pretty. Everyone treat you like a god

But what everyone beside your parent didn’t know is that you have communicate disorder, they thought you we’re just cold but no you just don’t know how to communicate with people

You wish you could speak, but you just couldn’t, and you often overthinking that people will think you’re weird and fear that they’ll reject you

It was until when the Straw Hats arrive at the island where you live

When the Straw Hats first meet you, they we’re all got distracted by your beauty, it’s like you been send by god. No, maybe you ARE the god itself

(Not sure about Luffy case, but if you have cool power though? he’ll probably like you)

Although they will be confuse why you wrote on a notebook, but they didn’t mind

At first they probably thought you’re just cold, doesn’t felt like speaking, or maybe even muted. But in reality, you just a struggle and panic non binary person who just want to communicate and get friends

I felt like Robin will be the first person in Straw Hat to know first, and Luffy definitely would be the last one to know

All of them also be surprise when you speak (or stuttering to some case), like ‘holy sh you sound so????’ in a positive way.

//For Luffy case it will be “WAIT YOU CAN TALK??”

And after the crew know that you have communicate disorder, they all willing to help you and will be patient when you’re trying to speak

Now onto headcanons or facts

No matter what Luffy will still drag you to play games with Usopp and Chopper (before letting you decide), with Nami yelling in the background, but you don’t mind actually, you have fun with the other

You often listen to Usopp story, even if they are lie or real

Reading book with Robin and listening Brook playing music made you felt relaxing

Franky works often amaze you, sparkle can be seen in your eyes

The crew doesn’t mind if you did something that you overthinking it’s bad, it’s okay to be wrong and make mistake

Let said you once overthink that Sanji will thought that (insert your favorite food) is childish, but he doesn’t think its childish and doesn’t mind either, everyone has their favorite type of food

You secretly and sometime train with Zoro, because you doesn’t want to cause problem to your friends and you doesn’t want to felt weak

If you want to hanging around on a new island, you’ll have to pair with either Nami, Robin, Sanji or any crew member that is not Zoro and Luffy.

(You once pair with Zoro or Luffy, and it either you’ll get lost or you get drag into something trouble)

Robin and Jinbe is a great choice to talk to if you have problem, mama Robin and papa Jinbe will always help you

Carrot is awe at your pretty look and hair, asking how you manage to take care of them well

The moment when you first meet Yamato at that arc you we’re scare at him at first “holy sh tall people”, but don’t worry you’ll slowly getting used and manage to keep up to him

Remember how there’s often a moment when there’s a cat ear appear on Komi head somehow? This is you doing something new and exciting. People often find this cute but never said it out loud

If there’s a person that actually made you cry tho? Ho boy

Will no hesitate to beat up that person, how are they mess with their baby crew mate

You are still struggling to communicate, but you felt happy and safe when you we’re with the Straw Hat, the chaotic friends, and crews you didn’t regret join

“Communicate disorders, they cause people to struggle in social situations. This makes them come off as cold. But keep this in mind: Their struggle with their disorder doesn’t mean they don’t want to make friends.”

-Komi can’t communicate ; episodes 1

Felt free to share your idea and headcanons as well : D

#one piece x reader #one piece headcanons #one piece x you #strawhats x reader #straw hat x reader #straw hats x reader #x reader #x gn reader #gn reader #gender neutral reader

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siswritesyanderes · 4 years ago

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Ok but yandere carlise x reader x yandere esme

(Not as detailed as I’d hoped to make it, but I quickly realized that if I went into detail then this thing would become very long. Hopefully avoided making the characters too OOC. Let me know if you like it, and how I did!)

…

You first met Dr. Cullen when you spent the day volunteering at the local hospital for one of your college classes.

There was a whole group of students there to help out, and you honestly weren’t sure why he seemed to notice you in particular; it certainly wasn’t because you were doing such a great job. Your work speed, in restocking the closets, was roughly average, and you kept having to ask your fellow volunteers where things were supposed to go. Granted, you at least weren’t one of the students who was transparently doing the absolute bare minimum to get the credit, but you wouldn’t exactly consider yourself a shining star of competence either.

Still, Dr. Cullen approached you personally to say, “Thank you for your help. You’re really doing us a great service.”

He was a beautiful man, with warm eyes that seemed to be beholding the goodness in your soul, for how amiably they glimmered.

“I don’t know if I can take any credit,” you said, admittedly flustered by the attention. “It was our teacher’s idea.”

He smiled kindly. “Nevertheless, we’re glad to have you here.”

You smiled back. “Glad to be here.” Then you continued working.

When Carlisle walked away from you, he carefully kept the reluctance from showing in his expression. He sent Esme a quick text warning her that they might have another soulmate in town: a human. His initial thought was that this would be the end of it; so long as Esme avoided meeting you, she wouldn’t feel the awful desperation currently clawing its way up Carlisle’s throat, and so long as Esme wasn’t suffering, Carlisle was confident in his own ability to let you live your own life, just as he had done with Esme, at first…

But then, he knew how that had turned out for her: years of pain, mistreatment…The thought of anything of the sort befalling you…The world was so dangerous, between humans and vampires and other such things, and you, so small in comparison, so vulnerable…

Carlisle regained his composure (though, to the untrained eye, he hadn’t lost it in the first place). The world could be dangerous, yes, but his awareness of that fact was informed, in no small part, by the fact that he wanted justification for keeping you. And he couldn’t give himself such license; it wouldn’t be right.

He wouldn’t drag you away from your human life.

Perhaps he could keep watch over you, and do you small favors every now and then, but that was the most he could afford to indulge.

He heard your stomach growl from across the room; he detoured to a vending machine and bought you a light snack. (Perfectly timed, Alice texted him your preference. No doubt, she was scouring the future to see how you might fit into it; he would have to have a talk with her, to be sure she didn’t go overboard. And deciding to have a talk with Alice functioned in the same way having a talk with Alice did.)

Dr. Cullen handed you a snack from the vending machine, which puzzled you at first; it didn’t seem like the hospital was handing out food to anyone else, and even if they were, why would one of the doctors take the time for such a thing?

He answered your unspoken question with a polite smile and the words, “You were looking a bit faint; I thought you might need this.”

Had you been looking unwell? You didn’t think you felt that bad, but a doctor would recognize the signs if something was wrong, and you were pretty hungry. “Thanks,” you said, and he dipped his head in your direction. Then he and his kind smile departed.

That wasn’t the last time you met Dr. Cullen.

Your paths crossed in all sorts of places: in the grocery store, he tapped you on the shoulder once to ask if you’d dropped a hundred dollar bill, and he urged you to keep it even once you’d told him it wasn’t yours; you saw him in your school’s science building, one day (He was there to speak to one of the professors, and he asked you if you had drunk any water recently.); and you even ran into him at the library. All incidents spaced out over weeks; not close enough together to really be coincidences worth thinking about. You figured that you had probably crossed paths just as much before meeting him, but only noticed now because you knew who he was.

Anyway, the two of you remained acquaintances. He was a nice man.

When someone slammed into your car, a few months later, he was the doctor who cared for you.

“A hit and run?” he murmured, tutting in displeasure as he moved a light across your eyes. “People should be more considerate, and careful with other people’s lives. You could have been seriously hurt.”

“They probably just made a mistake and were scared of the consequences,” you offered, because the doctor genuinely seemed somewhat upset. You were trying to assume the best about the other driver, because the alternative was getting angry about something you couldn’t change. You had barely even seen the car that had hit you. You just knew that it was some shade of yellow, and apparently much stronger than yours. “I wish we’d gotten to trade insurance information or something, though; my car is apparently totaled.” Despite your best efforts, your voice wavered.

“Don’t you worry about that,” Dr. Cullen said, and you were probably delirious, but something about the decisive way he said it made it seem, to you, as if he himself planned on helping you get your car fixed. “Follow the light with your eyes.”

You did.

“Have you...” The doctor seemed to choose his words carefully. “Have you called anyone, to let them know what happened, and that you’re alright?”

“No, I guess I haven’t. The ambulance got there so fast, I guess I didn’t have time to think about it.” You weren’t terribly concerned, though; if your relatives hadn’t been made aware of the crash, then they didn’t know to be worried yet. No need to call them now.

Dr. Cullen stilled at your words, though; the light in his hands shone in the spot between your eyes and did not move. It was as if he was deep in thought. No, as if he were at war with himself.

“Dr. Cullen?” you prompted.

He quickly smiled, setting down the light. “I think you should call them. Now, if you can. I would...just feel better if someone knew where you are, and that you’re alive.”

You called them (as awkward as that felt with the doctor right there in the room, patiently waiting), and Dr. Cullen seemed to relax.

Once you were released from the hospital, you went back to only seeing him every once in a while, around town.

Your car was mended seemingly overnight, under mysterious circumstances, and a part of you jokingly wondered if Dr. Cullen was some sort of fairy godmother, or guardian angel.

Then, another month after your accident, a stranger approached you while you were walking back from your last class of the evening.

“Hi,” the stranger greeted you, somewhat apologetically. She was shorter than you, with a lovely face and spiky black hair and a spritely disposition. “I’m Alice. I’m so sorry to bother you, but could you help me carry something to my car? It’s getting late, and I really don’t want to be here after dark.”

“Oh, sure,” you answered, feeling so at ease that you forgot every warning that would normally flood to your mind about the danger of following a stranger to her car. So at ease that your mind somehow just failed to observe the taller guy standing right next to Alice, well in your field of vision. You saw him, but you didn’t really think much of him.

You followed Alice to a bright yellow Porsche, and the shade of yellow stirred something in your memory, but you couldn’t say what; you were too busy looking for what you were supposed to be helping her lift.

A lovely woman with a long blond ponytail leaned against the car trunk, staring at something that she was holding in her hand, and there was a figure sitting inside the car, too; you couldn’t see them through the tinted windows, but you saw enough to be confused as to why you had been called here to help when it seemed Alice had many potential helpers, here.

Your panic, as you began to realize the ruse, had only just begun to climb when the blond woman suddenly moved, swift as a bird, behind you, and there was a hand over your mouth and a feeling like a pinch in the side of your neck.

The thing she was holding. It was a syringe.

The tall guy (the one you hadn’t thought much of, at first) moved to open the nearest door of the Porsche; he moved the passenger seat forward, to access the back row of seats.

“Wait, stop,” you slurred against the hand (the stunningly cold hand) over your mouth, as the woman who had syringed you began to maneuver you into the Porsche with surprising strength. You were already losing control of your limbs.

“This is officially the worst thing I’ve ever done,” the woman griped as she slid you carefully inside, then climbed in behind you. You were sandwiched between her and the person you’d seen through the tinted windows: a sulking young man with bronze hair. Four strangers total, and you were in the back seat of their car.

“Thank you, Rosalie, for your help,” Alice said resolutely. “Will you drive, Jazz?”

The tall one nodded, climbing into the driver’s seat while Alice occupied the passenger side.

You struggled to find your voice, or your fists, through the haze of sedative.

“It’s okay,” said the sulking young man at your side, in a surprisingly gentle voice. “I’m able to hear you, even if you can’t speak. I can read minds.”

“The human is still awake?” Rosalie said.

“Not for much longer, but yes. You have time to apologize.”

“Sorry about all this,” Rosalie said, gently nudging your mouth closed (as it had fallen open). “Don’t be scared; we just…have to bring you to Carlisle and Esme. They’re pretty great people, and they’ll treat you really well. And these guys were going to do it anyway, so I had to come and make sure things went smoothly. Alice and Jasper can’t even administer a shot; they probably would have chloroformed you or something-”

“Wouldn’t’ve had to,” said the tall guy in the driver’s seat- Jasper, apparently. “Could’ve just lightly flicked the back of their head at the right angle. Provided Alice checked the future to make sure we did it right.”

“…and didn’t cause a concussion, or worse,” the bronze-haired one deadpanned.

There was a brief silence. You were sinking against the self-proclaimed mind reader, unable to support your own weight. You were about to sleep. You actually wanted to sleep.

“Don’t worry, Rose,” Jasper added. “I’ve made sure the human isn’t afraid.”

You supposed you weren’t. Why weren’t you?

You fell asleep before you could figure it out.

…

You awoke to the sound of agitated voices, outside the (closed) door of a bedroom that was not your own.

You were in a bed, and it was obscenely soft and pleasant, but it wasn’t yours, and you weren’t home.

Where am I?

You felt weak, and tired. Heavy, confused. But you had to stay awake, and regain your wits, because you had been taken somewhere, and you didn’t know where or why. There was a window across the room. It was nighttime outside the window. Maybe if you could make it over there, you could climb out and run for it, but you didn’t yet have the strength to even get the bedcovers off of you.

“Because it’s been awful to watch how badly it affects you to be away from your mate,” one of the voices outside the door was saying. “All five of us agreed, and we never agree on anything!”

“And it’s not like it wouldn’t have happened eventually,” another voice agreed. “Just like with Esme.”

“Exactly! You were only prolonging your own suffering, for no reason.”

There was a sigh, and a familiar voice said, “Are you all finished?” It was Dr. Cullen; that much you knew, even though you had never heard him sound so tired.

“We did it for you, because you deserve happiness.”

“And now that Esme has seen them, there is no way to undo it, is there?” Dr. Cullen asked rhetorically. “Edward, is the human awake?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll bring some food up, Carlisle,” an entirely new voice suggested. “The children have been…underhanded, today, but there’s no reason we shouldn’t make the best of it.”

“It was for the best.” (Your head was clear enough, now, that you recognized this unabashed voice as belonging to Alice.) “You’ll see.”

Footsteps approached the door, and shortly a woman entered the room. She was soft-looking, with caramel brown hair, and she held a dinner plate in her hands.

“Good evening,” she said, soberly. Sitting on the edge of your bed while you struggled to sit up. “I’m so sorry the kids did this; we didn’t ask them to, but they thought they were doing us a service. I’m Esme Cullen, Dr. Cullen’s wife. Here: eat something.”

You ate a forkful of pasta only because it was too close to your mouth to refuse. “Why ‘m I here?” you asked hoarsely. “Take me home.” Another forkful slid into your mouth.

“I’m very sorry,” Esme said. “I’m so, so sorry, but you see…the trouble is…” Her eyes scanned over you, and she smiled a seemingly involuntary smile and didn’t finish her sentence. As if looking at you was simply a much better use of her time.

“I want to go home,” you said.

Esme sighed, pressing her lips together contritely. “The trouble is, I can’t bear to relinquish someone who is so important to Carlisle, and Carlisle can’t bear to relinquish someone who is so important to me. I promise you, though, we will make it up to you.” She fed you more pasta.

It tasted delicious, but that did nothing to assuage your terror. “You don’t even know me. What do you mean, I’m important to you?”

Esme clicked her tongue softly and rhythmically against the roof of her mouth, as if to soothe. “Carlisle can explain that better than I. But rest assured, everything is going to be alright.”

Your skin crawled, at the dissonant cordiality. “Where is Dr. Cullen?”

You heard a flutter of what could have been footsteps, if people were capable of moving that fast. Then, the bedroom door opened again and Dr. Cullen entered.

“Hello again, dear heart,” he greeted you, and his demeanor was about the same as it was in public, or in the hospital. Respectful, polite. Maybe just a bit...off. Too much of something, maybe too polite and kind for the circumstances. “I’m terribly sorry about all of this.”

The apologies were making this worse. “You don’t have to be sorry,” you said. “Just please take me home.”

“I can’t do that, angel,” he sighed. He did appear sorry, but not as sorry as he should have. “But I can explain everything to you now.”

He sat down on the other side of the bed, opposite Esme, who was still feeding you. And he did explain everything, in such expansive detail that you fell back asleep before he even got to the part about mates.

…

“You can pretend with them, but not with me.” The voice was quiet, and not so much accusatory (despite the pointedness of his words) as reminding.

“I know that, son.” Dr. Cullen sounded positively serene.

“You knew how much time you were spending with Jasper, in your saddened state.”

“Yes.”

“You knew that we would do this.”

“I…suspected.”

“You meant for us to do this.”

“That’s enough, I think. Thank you.”

Silence fell.

You opened your eyes just a crack. The pillow beneath your face was awash with yellow light; the sun had risen, since last you’d fallen asleep. None of it had been a dream. You were still trapped in a house with these people who thought they were vampires. You closed your eyes again. The two voices had been speaking from the direction you were facing: Dr. Cullen at your level, perhaps in a chair at your bedside; and the other above, as if standing.

“One month,” the first voice suddenly added, and you weren’t sure what it was in reference to. It was as if an inaudible question was being answered.

“That’s her optimistic guess, or her pessimistic?” Dr. Cullen inquired.

“If all goes well, it will be one month. Poorly, and the longest she’s seen is three months.”

“Well, that is good to hear. I’ve waited much longer with hope for much less.”

“I know.”

You turned over, so that your back was to them, and began to open your eyes again, but then you heard Dr. Cullen rise from his seat, take up the chair, and move around the foot of the bed. You kept your eyes shut as he set his chair down on the new side and sat in it once more. He did all of this matter-of-factly, as if he’d changed sides every time you’d turned over during the night.

The thought of anyone wanting to see your face that badly made you shiver a bit.

“Awake?” Dr. Cullen inquired casually. You didn’t hear an answer, but the other man must have nodded, because Dr. Cullen continued, “Good. Esme will be done with breakfast soon. She’s so happy to be cooking again.”

“Jasper is in the kitchen with her,” the other said, as if that was a related statement somehow. “I’m going hunting. Good luck.”

You weren’t sure why, but you felt as if he was talking to you as much as Dr. Cullen.

#yandere twilight #not harry potter #yandere carlisle cullen #yandere esme cullen #male yandere #female yandere #obsession #stalker #twilight fanfiction

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ultralovedeluxe · 4 years ago

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Yandere! Josuke with prompts #5 and #69

Hey everyone! This was requested by @mochimizuki121. I apologize for this taking so long, I’ve never written for Josuke and I think he came out a bit ooc, I hope this came out nicely though. Requests are still open!

‘Just what do you think you’re doing? Put that phone down!’

‘They thought they could tear us apart, so I had to put a stop to them!’

Warnings: 18 year old Josuke, female reader, yandere behaviors, mentions of violence?, non/dub con, nsfw towards the end.

Cherry blossoms are meant to symbolize good fortune and represent love. Love should be the primary emotion you should feel when under a cherry blossom tree. So when you asked Josuke to meet you under a cherry blossom tree near the school, Josuke was ecstatic. Why else would his lovely, little girlfriend ask him to meet under a cherry blossom tree? To Josuke, these meanings had to be true. He was a firm believer.

You, however, not so much.

In fact, cherry blossoms have a double meaning. Cherry blossoms also represent death or the end of something. And sadly, this was the only meaning accurate to you.

“So [first]-chan, why did you invite me here? Is it something important?” Josuke could hardly contain his excitement, it had to be great. Was he finally going to meet your parents? Were you both going on a date together? Were you finally going to let him-

“Josuke, I’m glad you came, and yes it is very important..” you said trying not to just yell at your pompadour-haired boyfriend. His puppy-dog expression was starting to get to you, and in all realness, making this a lot harder than it was supposed to be.

“So, what is it babe? C’mon you can’t keep me waiting, I want to know!”

You grit your teeth, god this really is going to be hard. You almost feel nauseous in doing so. You are going to wound his boyish pride so bad right now, but you know it’s for the best, hell it was for your well-being.

“Please just listen to me Josuke. I..I want to break up” you said, trying not to mumble any words; you wanted him to hear you loud and clear, even though to some extent it hurt you too. It just had to be done. You couldn’t be in this relationship anymore.

Josuke wanted to believe that you said something else, you HAD to have said something else. You didn’t want to break up with him, you were just confused right? No..he swore he’d done everything right. He was a good boyfriend, he asked his mom for advice, he asked Jotaro for advice, where or what did he do wrong? Josuke tried hard to let his lip wobble at the news, let alone cry.

“Was it something I did? Please tell me, is it because I’m overbearing? I promise I’ll try my best to be better! I-I’ll get rid of my video games if I have to, please [first] don’t leave me-” Josuke pleaded with you, but you couldn’t have this conversation much longer. “I’m sorry Josuke, we can still be friends..I just can’t be with you anymore, I hope you understand” you said walking away from the tree and Josuke. It hurt, but you knew this was the right descion. At the moment though, you didn’t want to face the male; you wanted to avoid him as much as possible.

Josuke however, felt devastated, betrayed almost. How could you have ended your relationship you had? He had been a good boyfriend right? Did you find someone else? No, you couldn’t have, you loved him, you were just getting confused at the moment. You must be getting brainwashed or something. He felt Crazy Diamond manifest behind him, and he gripped his fist. He will get to the bottom of this. He will find out who gave you the idea that he was a bad partner. You just don’t understand how much he loves you. ‘No, please don’t leave me [first]’

“So did you do it?”

You looked over to your classmate, Rikka asked almost desperately. “Of course I did, but I still feel awful about it..Is- Is it true that he’s a thug?” you mumbled sensing a feeling of dread just thinking about it. You loved Josuke, but if what your friend was saying was true, you couldn’t possibly stay with him much longer. In fact, Rikka wasn’t the only girl who warned you about Josuke. “Come on [first]-chan, haven’t you noticed the way he dresses? Only delinquents dress like that. Not to mention the hair” she told you, mumbling the final part (since it’s known that Josuke hates when people insult his hair). You shook your head, “Thank you so much for telling me Rikka-chan, I don’t know what I’ve done if my parents caught me dating a thug. But..I really did love Josuke..”

Rikka gave you an an assertive smile, “Don’t worry [first], there’s other guys here in school. I’m sure there’s at least two who have a thing for you, you’ll get over Higashikata-san eventually, now come on it’s almost time for class” she said picking up her bag and walking towards the lockers. You smiled and nodded in response. “I’ll meet you there just let me get my pen, I left it in my purse” you said walking towards her. “You’re always so forgetful!” Rikka joked.

Not far from the lockers, Josuke was standing there, listening to every word that came from your mouth. “Oi Okuyasu, what’s that girl’s name?” Josuke asked his fellow stand user and friend. “That’s Minamino Rikka, I think I have a few classes with her. She’s kinda cute no?” Okuyasu said walking back to the classroom they were in. ‘Not as cute as my [first]-chan’ Josuke thought as he tried to contain his anger. He wasn’t completely mad at you, he was more mad at that ‘Rikka’ for getting those sick thoughts into your head. He wasn’t a ‘thug’, he was a good guy! In fact he was the perfect boyfriend for you. He was sure you knew it too, you were just getting fed lies. Maybe he’d have to teach that girl a lesson for messing with his darling..

“I heard you dumped Josuke, he’s a drag huh. You should go out with a real man. So how about it [first]-chan? Wanna go on a date with me?”

You knew who this was. This was Fungami Yuya, he wasn’t exactly a heartthrob, but he did have his fair share of fans. However, you knew he wasn’t good news, despite how charming he looked. You had heard from Josuke that he was a motorcycle gang member, right off the bat you have to refuse. “I’m sorry Yuya, we don’t know each other very well, and besides-” you tried to just waltz your way out of the situation, but Yuya persisted. “Please [first]-chan, give me a chance, I genuinely want to ask you to-”

“What the hell are you doing near my girlfriend?!”

You looked back at the entrance of the classroom to see Josuke, already fuming with anger. You never liked it when Josuke got angry, you always felt like whoever the person he was getting angry at was in complete danger. Not to mention you always feel like there’s another presence in the room when he does get angry. “Josuke please!-”

Soon, the space between Josuke and Yuya got smaller, “Are you asking for a fight? What gives you the right to talk to my girlfriend that way? She’s taken. Plus where are your groupies anyway?” Josuke asked, but at this point, he was close to just beat him up with Crazy Diamond.

“I’ll handle this doll-” Yuya muttered to you while placing a quick kiss on your forehead, before going back to facing Josuke. “Josuke, what’s the deal? You two aren’t together anymore, everyone knows it-”

“Don’t let history repeat itself Yuya. You know what I can do to you. You wouldn’t want to go back to the hospital again would you?” by that point, Crazy Diamond had already manifested itself behind Josuke, and it’s glare was quite terryfying. Yuya gulped at the sight of the other stand, before leaving the classroom you were in. You wanted to leave the room as well, but before you could even get up from your seat on your own terms, Josuke had already dragged you across the hall.

“Josuke! Let me go! You’re hurting me! I thought we weren’t together anymore!” you squeeled trying to get someone’s attention. It didn’t seem like anyone would hear you though, because Josuke had shoved you into one of the unused bathroom stalls. “Shut your whore mouth. We are together, you didn’t mean to break up with me right? It was just that people kept lying to you about me..” he said in a rather harsh tone before quieting down. Truth be told, you were scared. This wasn’t the Josuke you fell in love with. “I don’t.. I-you hurt me [first]. When you broke up with me, I was heartbroken. But when I found out that Rikka and those other girls were feeding you lies, I knew I had to protect you. They tried to tear us apart, so I put a stop to them” Josuke said holding you in place.

“What the hell are you talking about? What did you do to them?” actually, you didn’t want to find out. Right now you had to get away from Josuke. You kicked him below the belt and ran from the bathroom. You didn’t even know where you were running to, as long as it was away from Josuke, you felt safe. You locked yourself in a gym closet, you just had to buy some time. There was only a few more minutes before school ended, you just had to be patient. You pulled out your cellphone and tried to dial your mother’s phone number.

“Just what do you think you’re doing? Put that phone down now! Now you’re seriously going to get it” you heard Josuke right across from you. How did he find you so quickly? You were sure you had locked the door. It doesn’t matter now because your phone was snatched from your hands by none other than your ex-boyfriend. Although you knew it was useless, you tried to crawl away because panic and fear ran thorough your mind.

“Why are you trying to run away from me [first], I’m just doing this because I love you so much. How about I show you how much I love you” Josuke said holding you by the hips, getting you closer to him. You tried to release yourself from his grasp, “No! Josuke please I don’t want this! I don’t want this relationship! Please!” you tried to reason with him. but it seems you made him even more angrier. “I really wanted you to enjoy this, but I guess you want a punishment instead..” he growled making you face him. This really wasn’t the Josuke you once loved, this was a monster. He then used Crazy Diamond to rip open your clothes..

Loud moans and gasps filled the small closet you and Josuke where in. You were fully naked, while he had his pants down. Josuke left red marks on your hips from where his nails kept digging into your skin. You felt drool drip down your mouth as Josuke kept thrusting into you at a inhuman speed. “You see..this is why you shouldn’t try to break up with me. I know you still love me. You won’t ever leave me after this” Josuke groaned into your ear while kissing your neck roughly. You only moaned in response, you felt like if he didn’t stop now, you were going to pass out. You wanted to hate him, oh how desperately you wanted to hate him. However, there was no denying how good he’s making you feel. “Josuke..please I’m close” you gasped as you clinged onto him. “Yes! Yes [first] let it all out! Let me know how good I made you feel!” He said, his thrusts getting more sloppy and impatient.

Not even a few moments after, you climaxed, with Josuke following soon after. You were gently placed on the floor by none other than Josuke. You were completely exhausted, you just wanted to go home. “You were amazing [first], I hope you remember this moment. Don’t ever run from me okay?” he said laying next to you. He placed one final kiss on your lips.

“I love you..”

#yandere imagines #yandere x reader #yandere jjba #yandere josuke #yandere jojo's bizarre adventure #yandere josuke higashikata #jjba imagines #josuke higashitaka #yandere headcanons #Jojo no Kimyou na Bouken #JoJo's Bizarre Adventure #jojo x reader #josuke x reader #yandere josuke x reader

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vibrant-leaf · 3 years ago

Text

Therapy is Manly

Part one.

🧡 ~KiriBaku Fic~ ❤️

Summary and Important Note⚠️: Bakugou is more self-aware and Kirishima is a bit more insecure. Part one is kinda painful, not gonna lie, but part two is happy and will make up for it! Link to part two will be at the bottom.

Word Count: 4090

Warnings: Cursing, angst

Additional note: I have been working on this for a stupid amount of time and have come to the point where I just need to trust myself and post it LMAO. They're going to be a little ooc but that's okay because this is my take on if Bakugou was more self-aware and if Kirishima was more insecure. Part two will have a song linked at the end of it. I hope you enjoy it!

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“Fucking useless!” As soon as it comes out of Bakugou’s mouth, he instantly regrets it. He wants to take it back. He wants to travel back in time to just five seconds ago so he can punch himself in the face before he’s able to say that again. But he said it. And the way Kirishima’s face falls makes his stomach drop down to his knees.

When Kirishima hears those words come out of his boyfriend’s mouth, it feels as if someone stabbed him in the chest. It’s crazy… how two words coming from the love of your life can hurt so much.

“Eijirou, no. No. I’m- I-“ Bakugou doesn’t say sorry. He just doesn’t. But the look on Kirishima’s face, the look of absolute pain and betrayal, rips it out of him because he knows he horrendously fucked up “I’m sorry. I didn’t- I didn’t mean it okay?” Bakugou knows about Kirishima’s previous struggles with his self-confidence, and he can’t help but feel like he just ripped the boy’s heart out of his chest and stomped on it with those two awful words.

Bakugou tries to grab his boyfriend’s hand, but Kirishima shakes his head and backs away before he can touch him. He’s gotten used to Bakugou’s anger, mostly. But sometimes, and more recently for some reason, his words have been hurting him. He’s tried his best to shake it off because he knows that Bakugou doesn’t really mean it and he loves him… right? But this. This gutted him. His self-deprecating thoughts are on the brink of exploding in his head. Useless. Kirishima is indeed useless, isn’t he?

“You’re not useless, Eijirou. Fuck. I don’t know why I said that. I’m fucking sorry, okay?” Bakugou is begging him. He’s not exactly begging for forgiveness because he knows he doesn’t deserve it, he’s begging for Kirishima to understand that those were empty words that he didn’t mean and that Kirishima is nowhere near useless. Alright, he might also be begging for a little forgiveness because he can’t help it, even though he truly understands he does not deserve an ounce of it.

Kirishima looks down at the floor, takes a shaky breath through his nose, turns around, and leaves Bakugou’s room.

Bakugou’s hands fly to his head. “Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck!” What the fuck is wrong with him?! Why does he keep doing this to him?! He keeps snapping at him and Kirishima just takes it. That’s how it’s always been with them, even if it didn’t use to be this bad. Bakugou yells, throws insults and names, and gets away with it every single time. Sure, Kirishima will call him an idiot from time to time or ask for an apology when absolutely necessary, but he’s never said anything else about his rage. Maybe… maybe Bakugou has been taking advantage of that. Bakugou knows there won’t be any serious repercussions, so this lets him take his frustrations out on him. He doesn’t deserve that.

Kirishima gently closes his bedroom door behind him and stands still in the middle of his room. His chest still hurts, and tears quickly start to form in his eyes until his vision is completely distorted, which is fitting because his brain is also being distorted beyond belief. “Fucking useless… You’re not useless, Eijirou.” The words start to play on a loop in his head.

The tears finally cascade down his face as he mumbles to himself, “I’m not. It’s okay. I’m not useless. He said I’m not, so it’s okay. Just forgive him, he didn’t mean it.” After all the other times Bakugou has snapped at him, he’s learned to simply shake his head and force himself to not sweat it. However, he suddenly realizes… he’s been forcing himself to become numb to it. But it’s okay! He loves Bakugou, that’s just how he is, he usually doesn’t mean the insulting words that come out of his mouth, and Kirishima doesn’t want to lose him, so he needs to force himself to be okay.

Meanwhile, in the other room, Bakugou is trying to come to terms with the decision he knows he must make, for the sake of Kirishima’s wellbeing.

Later in the evening, when the class has gathered for dinner, they notice something off between Bakugou and Kirishima. They aren’t attached by the hip, they aren’t even making eye contact, Bakugou looks like he’s about to puke, and Kirishima just looks sad. Sero, Ashido, and Kaminari look at each other, all of them worried about their two beloved friends.

Ashido speaks up first. “You guys know what’s going on?” The boys shake their heads and Ashido’s shoulders, along with her spirits, fall. “I hope they’re alright…”

Kaminari suddenly remembers something. “Uh... did they sign the lease on that apartment they found like a couple of weeks ago?” Sure, they were only dating for almost a year now, after a long year of painful mutual pining, but they always looked so sure, so confident in each other and their relationship, that moving in together after graduation seemed like a no-brainer.

“I don’t know. They haven’t said anything else about it. But this is probably just a little fight. I’m sure they’ll be fine,” Sero tries reassuring his friends as well as himself.

It’s around one in the morning and neither of the boys can fall asleep. Kirishima just wants Bakugou to come into his room and hopefully apologize again, that way he can forgive him, and they can rest in each other’s arms and let everything be okay in the morning.

Bakugou is lying wide awake in his bed, and he’s scared. His heart is racing, and he still feels like he’s going to throw up the few bites of dinner that he managed to get down hours earlier. He’s so fucking scared, he doesn’t want to do this, but he knows he has to… Kirishima deserves better than how he’s been treating him- like a willing punching bag for his cruel, verbal outbursts. God, he is such an asshole. Has he really been like this the whole time they knew each other?

Kirishima finally hears the long-awaited knock on his door but doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t usually need to. “Hey… can we talk?” asks a deep, muffled voice behind his door. He’s a little confused by the fact his boyfriend doesn’t just walk in but whatever.

“Yeah?” Kirishima calls out.

Bakugou swiftly opens the door, walks in, and sees his best friend of almost three years now, sitting up in his bed looking at him wearingly. He can see it. He can see just how mentally drained Bakugou has made him, and it further proves his point that he’s doing this for that beautiful boy’s own good. That human incarnate of sunshine deserves to be happy. He deserves so much better than what Bakugou has given him. So, he swears to himself that he’ll get better. It’ll probably take some time but that doesn’t matter. Hopefully, they’ll be better off afterward… as long as Kirishima will graciously take him back in the future. He wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t though.

Bakugou walks over to the corner of Kirishima’s bed and sits. When he runs a sweaty hand through his hair, he notices that he’s shaking. God, he does not want to do this. Every fiber of his being wants to just curl up in Kirishima’s arms. But he can’t. “I…”

“I’m sorry,” are the words Kirishima expects to hear out of Bakugou’s mouth, but what is actually spoken renders him immobile.

“I think we need to break up.” Bakugou feels like he is definitely going to throw up. Not now, he’ll hold back for now, but later for sure.

The blood instantly drains from Kirishima’s body, and he is left feeling cold. “What?” His voice is only a broken whisper.

Bakugou bites the inside of his cheek to keep the tears that are forming in his eyes at bay. “We need to break up. I keep hurting you. And it needs to stop.” His voice is shaky, and he feels so fucking horrible. He knows he’s hurting the love of his fucking life yet again while saying this, but it has to be done.

“What? No! No. It’s okay, I forgive you, Katsuki. I know you didn’t mean it. I know I’m not useless, I promise. I forgive you, it’s okay. We’ll be okay.” Why does he feel so cold? He’s shaking now too. His eyes and throat are burning. Holy shit he feels so scared. No no no. He can’t lose him.

“But it’s not okay! This is not okay! The way I’m treating you is not okay! I keep hurting you and I need to stop! I need to figure out how to fucking calm down!” Bakugou feels like a sledgehammer is being struck against his damn ribs.

Kirishima speaks through a waterfall of tears, “Okay, you can do that! But we don’t have to break up! Please, Katsuki. I love you.” He grabs Bakugou’s hands and holds them. “We can get through this together, okay? I don’t want to lose you.” Bakugou only glances down at the alarmingly cold hands holding his hot and clammy ones. And at that, hearing Kirishima’s pleading words, feeling his hands hold his for probably the last time in what’s going to be a while, or possibly forever, he releases the barrier that’s been holding his tears back and lets them fall down his face. He shakes his head.

“No. I’m gonna keep fucking up. And you can’t keep taking it like it doesn’t affect you because I know it does. I can see it on your face, I know I’ve been exhausting you. You don’t deserve that. I need to be alone while I.. fix myself. I need to change something, I don’t know. I just-“ Bakugou takes a shaky deep breath. “I just need to be better. And… When I am better, then we can try again. I just can’t keep hurting you like how I have been.”

“You’re hurting me now.”

Bakugou knows this. God, he knows this, and he hates himself for it. “I’m sorry. We can try again in the future. Because I want to be with you, Eijirou. I love you so fucking much. But you deserve better, and I want to be better for you. It’s just… gonna take me some time.”

Something in Kirishima’s brain clicks and he doesn’t like some of what Bakugou has said. “It’s not fair of you to expect me to just wait around and be readily available for you whenever you decide you’re better.” But honestly, who is he kidding? Bakugou is the only one he wants, the only person he wants to love like this… but maybe this wasn’t exactly healthy after all- no. Fuck being logical right now. He’s in pain and he really doesn’t feel like thinking logically.

“I know that, idiot. I don’t expect you to wait around like some dumb loyal puppy. I mean, if you’re available and willing then we can try again. Or if you… if you do find someone else who treats you better, then whatever, that’s fucking fine. You deserve that. You deserve to always be happy.”

“You make me happy, asshole.”

“Eijirou…” Bakugou’s eyes are pleading now, begging for him to just understand and let him go for now.

Kirishima finally snatches his hands away from Bakugou’s. His throat is still burning, and his eyes won’t stop spilling more and more tears. “Get out,” he chokes out.

A moment of tense silence passes them. Bakugou wants to say something, but he doesn’t know what. He doesn’t know how to respond to Kirishima telling him to leave, it feels so foreign.

“I fucking hate you. Get out.”

Bakugou bites his tongue so hard it almost bleeds. Yeah… he deserved that. He deserves any anger that Kirishima has for him right now. But damn, that hurt… must’ve been how Kirishima felt when he called him useless. He really was such a fucking asshole to him.

When Bakugou gets up to leave, Kirishima lets himself be logical for a single moment. They’re heroes… and anything can happen. He would never forgive himself if those were the last words Bakugou heard from him before something bad happened. Bakugou grabs the door handle, but Kirishima’s voice stops him. “Wait!” Bakugou turns his head to look at pained, red eyes looking down at the bed. “I… I didn’t mean that. I don’t hate you… I just hate what’s happening…” Kirishima looks up at Bakugou one more time, and even though Kirishima feels like he’s drowning in heartache, he’s able to force out one last sentence. “I love you, Katsuki.”

Bakugou wants so badly to walk back over there and crash his lips onto Kirishima’s, and he almost does. He can feel this magnetic force pulling him to the love of his life. He doesn’t want to walk away… but he ruined what they had. Maybe, just maybe, in the future, he can rest in the arms that have comforted him so many times after he woke up from nightmares, arms that feel like home, and he’ll listen to the steady heartbeat that once coaxed him to sleep after suffering through a panic attack from one of the said nightmares. But for now, “I love you, Eijirou,” Bakugou pulls away and walks out of the bedroom.

Kirishima hugs his legs up against his chest and lets the sobs rip out of his body.

Bakugou’s head falls back against the other side of Kirishima’s door and he can hear him start to cry. He never wanted to make him cry...

Bakugou wants to slide down onto the floor to cry into his hands until the whole days’ worth of food threatens to make a reappearance, so he bolts for his bathroom.

Kirishima suddenly doesn’t want to be in his room anymore. Bakugou and him have hung out so many times in there that there’s a subtle hint of his scent, but that subtle hint is currently suffocating him. He looks up from where his face was buried in his knees and of course, the first thing his eyes set on is a picture of them from when they went mountain climbing during their first year. He can’t be here. He’ll literally suffocate and die if he stays in his room that has too many traces of his boyfrie-… ex-boyfriend. His ears are ringing as he starts to mumble frantically, “I need to leave, I need to leave, I need to leave.”

Kirishima pushes himself off his bed and quickly walks out of his room. His chest is in so much pain. He scans the hallway and tries to think if anybody else would be up right now. Ashido’s a night owl, so she should be awake. Hopefully. He just really needs a hug right now.

Ashido is laying in bed, scrolling through Twitter, with her eyelids starting to droop when she hears a soft knock on her door. She’s confused but she slowly sits up to listen and figure out if someone's actually outside her door or if she's simply hearing things. But when she hears the faintest sound of sniffling, she throws the bedsheets off her and jumps out of bed. Then she walks over to her door and when she opens it… “Oh no.” Ashido’s stomach drops at the sight of her dear friend’s red, puffy-eyed, tear-stained, broken face. “Oh, honey, what happened?” She’s afraid to ask because she’s pretty sure she knows the answer.

Kirishima’s eyebrows pull together and his bottom lip trembles, “w-we... broke up.”

Ashido grabs his wrist and pulls him into her room. They sit down on her bed and Kirishima’s head falls onto her shoulder. She wraps her arms around him, and he hugs her back lightly. That’s when she notices the trembling. “Just let it out, Kiri. It’s okay,” she says as softly as possible as she rubs his back.

Kirishima clutches onto Ashido as hard as he can without hurting her and his eyes are shut tight as he starts to cry again. His body shakes as he lets all the pain he’s feeling rise to the surface and boil over onto his friend’s shoulder. He tries to talk but he keeps gasping in between words. “My chest- it- it hurts so fucking bad. Why- does it feel like this- it feels like someone’s- stabbing me. God- why?” One of his hands clutches his shirt over his heart.

Ashido’s petting his head now. “Shhh… I know it hurts. I’m so sorry, Kirishima. I wish I could take the pain away… Is there anything at all I can do?” She would love to beat up that blonde bastard for making him feel like this but she doesn’t know what exactly happened, so she keeps the violent thoughts at a minimum.

After another moment filled with hiccups and sniffles, Kirishima takes a deep breath. His voice is still really wobbly but at least he isn’t choking on his words now, “My room. I can’t be in there right now. Too much of him.”

Ashido nods her head. “Okay, you can sleep in here then. We can figure out your room tomorrow. But we should probably try to get some sleep since it’s so late. Okay?”

It’s Kirishima’s turn to nod. “I’ll try.” He feels exhausted but he doubts that he’ll be able to fall asleep anytime soon. “I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“No. Absolutely not. I will sleep on the floor.”

“No.”

“Okayyy… well if you’re comfortable with it then we’ll both sleep in the bed.”

Kirishima sighs and looks up at her. “Only if you’re one hundred percent comfortable with it.”

“I am. I promise.”

Kirishima searches her eyes for any hint of unease, but he finds nothing. His eyes fall to his lap. “Alright.”

“Good.” She stands up and walks over to her mini fridge to grab a bottle of water, then offers it to him. “Recycle, or else.” He grabs the bottle from her hand.

“Yes, ma’am.” He starts chugging the cold water and it feels nice on his raw throat. Once he’s done, he twists the lid back onto the bottle, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, then scoots over to the other side of the bed. They both settle under the covers and a twinge of awkwardness hangs in the air. A silent moment passes before Kirishima speaks again. “My chest still feels like it’s being crushed.”

Ashido sighs through her nose. “Come here.” She opens her arms to signal an invitation.

“You sure?”

“Yes. I know you’re a touchy person so hopefully, this’ll help a bit.”

Kirishima scoots closer to her and lays his head on her shoulder and her arms gently wrap around his neck. He lays a hesitant arm across her stomach. It’s nice. It’s not… Bakugou… but it’s still nice. His eyes start to burn, and his chest starts to heave for the millionth time in the past eight hours. He feels Ashido’s small hand begin to pet his head and her fingers run through his hair. The tears are pouring from his eyes yet again. “Please don’t do that,” he whispers.

Ashido stops immediately and rests her hand on his back instead. “My bad.”

“Sorry.”

“No no. Don’t you be sorry.”

Kirishima pauses. “He used to do that all the time.”

Ashido barely nods. “I’m sorry, hun. I didn’t think about that.”

“It’s okay...” Kirishima’s voice is weary audible as exhaustion settles into his bones. He closes his eyes to try to sleep but all he can see is blonde hair and red eyes. He sighs. “He said he needs to get better.”

Ashido’s eyebrows furrow together. “What does he mean by that?”

“His behavior, I think. He said he keeps hurting me.”

“Is he?”

“Hurting me?”

“Yeah.”

“…”

“Kiri.”

“…Maybe… Yeah.” It comes out quiet and almost shameful.

“Then yeah, he needs to fix that.”

Kirishima’s quick to defend Bakugou, however. “But I understand that’s just how he is. And he doesn’t mean what he says most of the time, so really, it’s fine. Sure, it hurts for a moment, but I can get over it. I don’t understand why he thinks we need to break up for now.”

“For now, huh? So, there’s hope for the future?”

“I mean he said he wants to try again someday if I want to. But I don’t know how long it’ll be.”

“Hmm… maybe this is a good opportunity for you to work on yourself too.”

“Myself? Why?”

“Honey, listen to what you’re saying. It sounds to me like you don’t even care that he’s treating you like this.”

“I do care, it’s just-“

“You don’t care enough for it to matter. You know what I mean?”

“They’re just words… If I let them get to me then it means I’m… weak. He shouldn’t have to date someone who’s weak like that.”

“Kirishima.” There’s a forceful tone behind Ashido’s voice. “You being hurt from his behavior does not make you weak. You are allowed to feel that way. Bakugou’s behavior and attitude are shitty. He can’t even chill out around his own boyfriend who he supposedly loves and that’s even more shitty. You said it yourself, he’s hurting you. And if someone realizes they’re hurting a person they love then they should try to change the way they act. You, on the other hand, need to realize you do, in fact, deserve better than being treated like his verbal doormat. You need to stand up for yourself more.”

Kirishima is quiet for a while after that, letting the words sink in and process in his brain. He realizes that Ashido’s right in saying that he doesn’t truly care when Bakugou lashes out against him. But why? Why doesn’t he care? He realizes that he should care now but why was he so willing to let Bakugou get away with his horrible attitude?

But then he finally realizes…

He’s insecure.

But he thought his insecurities only pertained to being a hero and he mostly got over that a while ago. He didn’t think he would be insecure about being in a relationship. Well, he wasn’t insecure about being with Bakugou, no way. He admires Bakugou, loves him with every fiber of his being, and he is- or was, so proud and so happy to call him his boyfriend. Bakugou is strong and he deserves to be with someone who is also strong.

Ah.

He was afraid too.

Kirishima felt like he needed to be strong around him all the time, didn’t he? Bakugou doesn’t like weakness and if Kirishima was hurt by something Bakugou said then maybe he would’ve seen Kirishima as too weak for him and leave. Bakugou already left him though. But…

“I want to be with you, Eijirou. I love you so fucking much. But you deserve better, and I want to be better for you.”

Ugh. Why is this all so confusing and frustrating? Kirishima’s head starts to throb.

“Kiri?” Ashido’s softer voice snaps him out of his train of thought.

“You’re right… I should figure out some things for myself too. I think I was scared of what he would think about me if I was always upset with him.” Kirishima releases a disheartened sigh. “So… should I talk to someone?”

“Like a therapist?”

“Yeah…”

“I think that’s a good idea. I honestly believe everyone should talk to a therapist at some point because everyone struggles with something, and it would be good to get some professional advice. So, hopefully, that’s what Bakugou will do too. Everyone knows he needs it.” She mumbles the last part and Kirishima chuckles at it.

“Have you gone to therapy?” Kirishima looks up at Ashido curiously and she nods.

“Another story for another time though. It’s late and I need to get some beauty sleep before having to wake up before you to get you some post-breakup essentials.”

“Ice cream?”

“Yes, ice cream.”

Kirishima gives her a forlorn smile. “Thanks, Ashido, for letting me stay here and for talking to me.”

“I know, I know. I’m pretty cool aren't I?” She grins proudly. “But you’re welcome. Now go to sleep.”

“Yes ma’am.” Kirishima feels better. Not great by any means, but better. His eyes finally start to feel heavy and before his consciousness slips away, he can’t help but imagine that it’s Bakugou holding him in that moment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Link to part two!

#kiribaku #bakugou x kirishima #bakushima #bakugou katsuki #kirishima eijirou #bnha #bnha fanfiction #mha #mha fanfiction #boku no academia #my hero academia #angst #angst with a happy ending #breakup #mina is a good friend

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hello-everyfandom · 4 years ago

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“You’ll get frown lines if you continue that,”

Warnings: Light making out/Light smut (very very very light)

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Hufflepuff!Reader

Words: 2.5k

Summary: Draco’s Hufflepuff girlfriend is nothing but a delight and the exact opposite of him.

(I really really tried. I hope Draco’s character isn’t too ooc, but I thought it’d be so sweet to see cold stone Draco with a soft, cute girlfriend)

One of the things Draco loved most about you was your extreme compassion and empathy. You were, undoubtedly, one of the sweetest people at Hogwarts. Not just to your own house, but all, even Slytherins. Perhaps that is what drew him to you, your innate ability to look past house stereotypes and befriend even the snarkiest of Slytherins. If you were to see Draco and his lovely girlfriend walking the corridors, hand in hand, you’d assume they were holding hands accidentally. Your face always had a beaming, positive smile placed on it. You waved and greeted your friends kindly and exuded an aura of friendliness. Draco, however, was the exact opposite. He scowled, maybe not on purpose, but sneered at the poor souls who happen to look at him. You were light, he was dark. Not that you minded. Whenever you caught him in a glare, you’d squeeze his hand and softly tug.

“You’ll get frown lines if you continue that,”

Draco looked down at your smiling face and couldn’t help but send a small smile back, “And what is ‘that?’” he asked.

“This,” you pointed to your face and pulled an exaggerated scowl, pushing your eyebrows together and pointed the corner of your lips down, “See? Unattractive,”

Draco chuckled softly under his breath and tugged his bag closer on his shoulder, “So now you think I’m unattractive?”

“No no, darling, not at all. I’m calling your face unattractive,” you leaned closer to him, inhaling his sweet cologne before waving at another friend in the corridor.

“My face is unattractive?” Draco said, feigning hurt.

“Oh, you know what I mean,” you laughed and slapped his arm gently. “But, would it kill you to smile a little?” You reached you and tried to drag his cheek up with your finger to form a smile.

“I smile when I’m with you, that’s enough smiling for my life.”

“Draco, while that is quite adorable and does, in fact, flutter my heart, I mean smiling and saying hello to people, maybe greeting your friends in a nicer way?”

Draco stopped walking and pulled you into a more secluded part of the corridors where you were visible but not quite as seen. His eyes were playful and a smirk printed itself on his lips. Draco’s eyes were mesmerizing, you nearly forgot what you were talking about before raising your eyebrows,

“I don’t have to speak sweetly to anyone but you,” Draco bent his head and placed a peck on your lips. You rolled your eyes with a grin on your face, giving him another small kiss and spun sharply on your heel. “Where are you going?” he called, holding the strap of his bag.

“I’m going to Herbology. See you later, handsome!”

Draco’s cheeks flushed a light pink as he watched you skip down the hall, giving nods and small ‘hellos’ to the people around you who were making their way to class. Draco shook his head to rid himself of the embarrassing colour that fully displayed his love for you and paced to his next class.

By the time supper had come around, Draco searched the Great Hall for you. Usually, you were perched on the Hufflepuff bench, chatting happily away with your friends and even turning to talk to some of the Gryffindor’s behind you. However, you were nowhere to be seen. Dinner had started and Draco tapped his foot anxiously. It was only until you had run into the Great Hall, screeching to a stop and searched wildly until you found Draco’s blonde hair amidst the sea of students. You sighed in relief and started towards his table. Draco’s eyes widened as you reached him, pressing a kiss to his cheek and sitting next to him, and across from Pansy.

“Pardon me, I don’t believe you are a Slytherin, are you?” he jokingly whispered in your ear as you started to scoop helpings of food onto your plate.

“Slytherin Blitherin,” you waved your hand, “ ‘s it so wrong to want to sit with my boyfriend?” Your boyfriend shrugged and handed you a roll of bread before asking,

“Where were you anyway? Fighting demons? No, too mean. Were you making daisy chains with the house elves?” His elbow prodded you softly.

“What? No, but actually, thank you for reminding me. I need to have a little visit to the house-elves soon, they really are quite sweet. You really should come with me Draco, they really enjoy stories and absolutely are thrilled if you sit with them for a bit. But, I just woke up too late from a nap, thas’ all.” You smiled and sipped from the goblet in front of you.

“Of course you did,” Draco rolled his eyes and settled into his dinner bench, feeling happy you were beside him.

“Pansy, by the way,” Pansy’s back straightened, she didn’t hate you but she didn’t particularly like you either, nevertheless you continued, “My mother sent me a bottle of that muggle nail polish I told you about. It’s quite cute, I could do your nails later if you’d like,” You offered kindly. Pansy’s eyes widened as she glanced from you to Draco, he shrugged.

“It’s a muggle thing?” Pansy asked curiously,

“Oh yes, but it’s so much easier than doing it with spells, surprisingly. I think it’s quite genius actually, I did mine yesterday night.” you flashed Pansy your fingernails that were delicately painted a light shade of blue. Draco studied you as you began to converse energetically with Pansy, your yellow tie laid nicely on your chest whilst your hair was messily pulled back. He couldn’t help but fall further in love with you as you laughed and even spoke to Blaise a bit about the quidditch teams you were interested in. You were just so simply kind and generous that he even felt a bit guilty. He was worried he would scare you off or even worse, transform your kindness and friendliness to something cold and more like him. However, you seemed to be unchanged and remained the same front the first day he met you.

“Draco?” His focus was blinked out of his eyes as you peered at you,

“Yes?”

“Is there something on my face?” You ask, wiping your lips insecurely.

“Only beauty,” Draco said. The moment he uttered those words, he regretted it immediately. Blaise howled with laughter whilst Pansy began to tease him. He scowled at them and sent his friends dirty daggers. You beamed at him with a delighted gleam in your eye,

“Aw, Draco. You’re so sweet, isn’t he sweet?” you turned to Blaise after pressing a quick kiss on Draco’s cheek.

“Oh, the sweetest.” Blaise cooed sarcastically whilst catching his breath. Underneath the table, you squeeze Draco’s hand reassuringly and leaning your head on his shoulder. Draco would never admit this to anyone, except maybe you, but he was changing. He didn’t push first years, nor spend his free periods mocking the stutters and stance of the third years. In fact, he can’t even pin the last snarky comment he made towards Potter.

“Malfoy, maybe you should rethink having a blood traitor sit at our table. It’s quite despicable if you ask me, disgusting even,” A hateful voice sounded from behind you. A few Slytherin boys who you had sadly not friended yet sneered at you. Before Draco could respond angrily and tell him to piss right the fuck off, you chimed up.

“You’re Earl Elmer, right?” You turned and rummaged through your school bag frantically before removing a crumbled piece of parchment and smoothing it down on the table. “‘m sorry if it’s a little torn, I overheard you in Charms the other day. You said you were having trouble, so I took some extra notes for you. I hope they help.” The boy looked nervously at his friends and glared at the parchment before scoffing leaving the Great Hall. You frowned, “I know it’s a little crumpled, but I didn’t think it was that bad,”

Your boyfriend rolled his eyes and rubbed your shoulders comfortingly, “He’s a bloody twat, don’t bother with Elmer.”

“I don’t want him to be upset. If I made him angry or something of the sort I’d be gutted.”

“You’re too kind sometimes,” Draco mumbled over the chatter of the Great Hall, “you barely notice when someone’s being a right arse to you.”

“I think he has the potential to be actually quite kind,”

“Don’t count on it. Now, eat your dessert or you’ll be cranky later.” You sniffed before nodding and reaching for a cup of pudding. Draco’s heart thumped, even after being treated awfully, you still went out of your way to be kindhearted to someone. You were too good for him, and he knew it.

“If you want me to, I’ll hex him,” Pansy offered, biting into her cupcake.

“That’s nice, Pansy, but I think I’ll pass.” You said, leaning on Draco’s shoulder again, humming contently.

In your room, you laid on your stomach with your textbook. You groaned loudly making Draco look up from his spot on your bed.

“What’s the matter?” He asked, pulling you lay back so your back was on his chest.

“I hate Transfiguration,” you grumbled, “I can barely make out the words anymore.”

“Oh? Hate? I wasn’t sure that word was in your dictionary,” Draco teased, combing his fingers through your hair.

“It’s not, maybe I’ve been spending too much time with you,” you teased back.

“Maybe,” he bent his neck to kiss your cheek, “Transfiguration can’t be that hard.”

“It is, you don’t even understand, my brain is exhausted, it’s simply too hard,” you said dramatically,

“I’m in your class, Love.”

“But still! You’re a smarty smarty pants. And I’m just a dumb dumb.”

“You’re a Prefect,” He pointed out. “And, not to mention, one of the smartest witches in our year.”

“You know what, you are the loveliest boyfriend ever,” you switched positions so you were in his lap and cradled his face. You pecked kisses on his face affectionately, his hands sliding on your hips and down your thighs.

“What’s with all the kisses?” Draco wasn’t complaining, but he didn’t want to turn your head from studying either.

“You just look so cute sitting there, I couldn’t help it. Thought you deserved some kisses!” you smiled and kissed his neck lightly and then locking your lips with his. Everything about your kisses made his head swoon, he forgot about the war, the darkness his family that engulfed his family and even his own battles with anxiety and sadness. He melted instantly into your touch, moving his hands tentatively to hug your waist. You tasted of berries and the muggle chapstick you insisted on wearing in the winters to prevent chapped lips. You felt his hands wander softly, almost scared as you nipped at his bottom lip leaving him breathless. For someone so sweet, you kissed like a woman on a mission. Your hips slowly grinding into his and the top buttons of his shirt coming undone. His lips trailed down your neck and above your collar bone, focusing on the soft skin that begged him to bite. Draco felt as though his heart would plummet into the ground as you pulled your shirt off.

“I-” he stuttered,

“Yes?” You asked innocently,

Draco raised so he was leaning on his elbows whilst you straddled him. Your fingers quicker to unbutton his shirt, as he ran his fingers through your hair, gripping it softly. You moaned as he slipped his tongue in your mouth. A sudden knock at the door made you bolt upright. Your hair a mess from Draco’s pulling and your lips swollen from Draco’s kisses. You gasped, realizing your shirt had been thrown across the room and Draco’s was mostly unbuttoned. Draco whined at the lack of contact but you shot him a warning look before shoving a sweater over your head. You swung open the door looking for who had knocked only to lower your eyes and see a young Hufflepuff from first year.

“I’m sorry to interrupt!” She squeaked, “I just had a, uh, a question on my Transfiguration homework but I can go,” as she turned you caught her shoulder and sent her a soft look,

“No worries! Transfiguration can be tricky, can’t it?” You looked over your shoulder at Draco who looked up at the ceiling with annoyance, tapped his wrist to signal to hurry up. Obviously, he wanted to get back to kissing his gentle girlfriend. You shooshed him and twirled to speak to the Hufflepuff, “Maisie, right?” She nodded, “Will you just hold on one second, then my brain and my skills are all yours.”

You closed the door and rushed around your dorm, throwing clothes into your chest and frantically tidying up. Draco watched amused, legs stretched out on the bed with his arms under his head and his back against the headboard.

“Can’t you just tell her to bugger off?” he asked, motioning for you to come closer,

“Absolutely not. One, that’s rude. And two, it may seem foreign to you, but I do actually want to help her.”

“But we were... doing stuff,” Draco whined, it was unlike his character to beg but he had just gotten a taste of you and was starving for more.

“Were we?” You joked and pointed at his shirt, “You better button-up, buttercup!” Draco grumbled and complied as you threw the door open.

“Come in, come in!” You motioned her forwards, she stepped cautiously into your dorm, observing the nice moss plants you had hanging as well as the cozy rug you had placed on the floor. Her eyes wandered to Draco’s figure and instantly froze in fear,

“If-if you have guests, Y/N, I can always come later,” She stuttered, fiddling with her textbook.

“What him? Don’t worry, he’s nothing but a big ole bloke who just so happens to be dating me. Plus, what are Prefects for? Now, take a seat, you can sit on the bed or on the desk,”

Draco sent her a glare making her respond quickly, “I’ll sit at the desk.” You mentally scolded Draco before helping your first-year friend with her homework.

As you bid her goodbye after helping her with her homework and sending her off with a lolly, you shut the door and sighed with happiness. Draco’s arms opened, motioning for you to fall into them and lay comfortably on his chest.

“I’m so happy,” you mumbled into his shirt,

“Is that so?”

“I love helping people,”

“I noticed.” Draco rubbed soothing circles on your back,

“‘m tired,” you yawned.

“How is it that you have so much energy to help people and care for them when you’re just a small little thing?” Draco’s voice was low, nearly lulling you to sleep. He truly was amazed at your capabilities to be so good-hearted and pure.

“I love helping people,” your eyes drooped, “just as much as I love you,”

“I love you as well,” Draco soothingly petted your hair and placed a kiss on your forehead, allowing you to drift into a lovely and blissful sleep.

#Draco malfoy imagines #draco malfoy #draco malfoy imagine #harry potter imagine #harry potter #harry potter imagines #draco malfoy oneshot #draco malfoy x hufflepuff!reader

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lemon-face-kid · 4 years ago

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Draco Malfoy With Children Headcanons

A/N: So this is probably really ooc but oh well. I know the thing about Andromeda and Narcissa is unlikely but whatever it’s creative license.

Word Count: 493(I think)

Warnings: Mentions of depression, mentions of death, mentions of pregnancy

Adolescence/Teenage Years

I feel like until about third year, Draco hated children. They were just annoying and loud to him.

But about that time things started to change

Toddlers were still overwhelming, but infants were manageable(when they weren’t crying)

I can just imagine him at a family dinner or something and someone asking him to hold a baby.

He would be unsure of what to do with it and kind of scared he would do something wrong.

But eventually he would start to relax and get more comfortable.

I think he’d be slightly in awe because he’d never really that close to a child that young before

He’d start whispering and cooing(while no one was watching of course)

And then he’d be kind of sad when the baby’s parents came back and reluctant to give it up

After the War

After everything, Narcissa would probably want to see her her sister again and reconnect

Especially because there is a baby(that woman would probably be one of those people who has to hold every baby they lay their eyes on)

And she’d probably drag Draco with her to meet his aunt

Draco would be depressed and feel slightly guilty about Tonk’s and Lupin’s deaths, so he would try to stay away from Teddy at first

But Andromeda would notice and encourage him to play with Teddy

Slowly but surely, Draco would start to go with his mother more, so he could see Teddy

So while Andromeda and Narcissa talked, he would sit on the floor and play with him

Teddy loves Draco

Draco tries to act nonchalant, but he loves him too

With you

When you and him got together, he avoided discussions of children at all costs

He didn’t necessarily want children and didn’t want to disappoint you

So when you told him you wanted kids he was scared he’d be a bad father like his own

But he came to his senses and started to love the idea of a tiny Malfoy heir running around

So when you got pregnant he spoiled you and the baby

He would get you anything you wanted

And buy lots of unnecessary things for the baby

And when you protested he would just say

“Only the best for my family”

But when Scorpius was born he’d remember all of the anxiety he’d had before

When he held him for the first time, he looked down in awe as if he was the only thing in the world

He’d be so scared he would drop Scopius or do something wrong

But as he got older, Draco would start to doubt himself less

And then one day, when Scorpius said his first word, Draco started crying

It was “Dada”(Or some other variation of dad idk)

He would probably start full on sobbing

Because he had come so far from being the kid with a dark mark

He was a husband and a father

#Draco Malfoy #draco lucius malfoy #draco x you #draco x reader #draco fluff #draco malfoy headcanon

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wiltingofthewhitelily · 3 years ago

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{Hetalia Platonic Ships Week 2021} Day 5: Partners in Crime - Latvia & Moldova

A/N: Submission #5 for @hetaliaplatonicshipsweek!

Sooo I was originally gonna do Sealand and Latvia for this one (or just a submission with these two in general), but then I thought this scenario would be funnier for a reason I'll talk about in the next paragraph sooo yeah. Plus, I like to think that Latvia and Moldova probably grew pretty close to each other during the Soviet Union days, seeing as they were the two "little ones" I suppose. (Although, in general, I do feel like Latvia would've hung around Estonia and Lithuania more, seeing how his age and maturity level are much closer to theirs than to Moldova's. But anyway.) I don't know...I just wanna see more content with these two cuties just being friends with each other ok??

For this one, two of my hcs are joining forces to create one (hopefully) pretty humorous little fic. These hcs are: one, Latvia is a pretty big prankster; and two, Moldova is a goody-two-shoes and is lowkey a tattletale (though not in a malicious way at all; he's just trying to be good). I do honestly really like the end result of this one, though I think I got a little carried away with this story and may have made some of the characters a little ooc in the process, sorry 'bout that lol.

Ok, enough with this long ass author's note and onto the fic-

»»————-　➴　————-««

Latvia raced to the back of a chair, crouching down low and hiding behind it while also trying to hide his intense giggles. He watched as Ukraine went up to the pot in which she'd been cooking some soup—the same soup where Latvia had dumped a spoonful of spicy sauce in beforehand.

The woman did just as the Latvian had wanted her to—she picked up a spoon and dipped it into the pot to do a small taste test. The curly-haired boy bit his lip as he watched. Soon enough, she set the spoon down hurriedly, let out a noise that was halfway between a yelp and a surprised whistle, and shortly after began to cough lightly.

Latvia had to place his face between his knees to silence his laughter, his small body beginning to shake. Any sort of enjoyment he could get in this hell house, he would one hundred percent strive to get—and pulling small pranks like this on all the residents inside of it was just what he needed to accomplish that.

Soon, Latvia heard tiny footsteps and then a voice: "What's wrong, Sestra?" Moldova.

Ukraine let out another whistle and answered, "I don't know, the soup was really spicy for some reason." Latvia almost let out another snort at this, but caught himself just in time.

The teen heard a few more words of soft chatter and then footsteps coming up close behind him. Then, a pause. Latvia could already tell it was Moldova and got a bit nervous. The little boy tended to be, for lack of a better word, a bit of a tattletale—he was afraid the child would somehow find out what he'd done and go rat on him.

Sure enough, Latvia heard Moldova pull the table curtain back and crouch down to Latvia's level. "What are you doing down here?" he immediately asked curiously, sitting down on his knees as well.

Latvia turned to him and put a finger over his lips, trying to tell him to quiet down a little. "I'm hiding."

"Why are you hiding?"

Latvia bit his lip. "I...did something."

"Did what?"

He internally grumbled. The kid wouldn't let up now, would he? Latvia thought it might be a little okay to tell Moldova—he was, admittedly, kind of eager to show off what he'd done, to somebody. Even if it wasn't that big of a prank (especially compared to some of the other masterpieces he'd done in the past), he still thought it was funny. Plus, he could probably easily stop Moldova from tattling—all he figured he'd have to do was give him candy or something. "Okay—I put some spicy sauce in the soup Ukraine was cooking. As a prank." He bit his lip to keep from letting out a big laugh.

Moldova was much less amused—in fact, he looked more confused than anything. "Why?" he asked, brows furrowed.

Latvia didn't really know what to say; he just shrugged. "...Because it's funny."

"But that's bad," the boy pointed out, his tone turning a bit stern.

The teen sighed. "Yeah, I know...but it's funny."

Moldova gave Latvia one more quizzical look before slowly standing back up. "Ses—"

Latvia caught him, pulling him back down and covering his hand over his mouth. "Moldova!" he whisper-scolded through gritted teeth. "No."

Moldova looked over at Latvia, eyes wide. Finally, the teen released his hand from his mouth. "Latvia," he asked, "why did you do that? I only wanted to tell Sestra."

"No!" he responded. "It's a prank—you can't just tell her."

Moldova cocked his head to the side. "A prank?"

"Yeah—it's supposed to be funny."

"Funny?" the little boy asked. "I like funny things. Pranks aren't supposed to be bad though, are they?"

Latvia looked up. "Well, kind of. I'm technically not allowed to pull them—but I do anyway." Despite himself, he giggled a little at this.

Moldova blinked. "Why?"

Latvia placed his palm up to his cheek—this kid really asked a lot of questions, didn't he? "Because it's funny."

"Well, I wanna have fun too." Moldova sat for a few moments, looking down, as if thinking. Then, he pursed his lips and motioned for Latvia to come closer, to which the teen did. "...I kind of wanna try a prank, just a little one," he whispered into his ear. "Not one that's too bad, though."

Latvia contemplated this a bit. It would be fun to have a small partner-in-crime to his mischief—especially one as young as Moldova, whom he could hopefully mold and shape to be his sort of sidekick. He grew a little smirk. "Okay."

Moldova gasped in delight and clapped his hands. "Yay! What should we do first, Latvia?"

Latvia rubbed his chin, before getting a good idea. "I've got it." He grabbed the Moldovan's small sticky hand. "C'mon, let's go."

»»————-　➴　————-««

"Okay, so you have to be very quiet before he comes—got it?"

"Mhm!" Moldova replied obediently, grinning from ear to ear at the older boy.

The two had placed one of Moldova's stuffed bears—the one that said I love you! when the stomach was pressed—on a seat at the dining room table, where Estonia was about to sit, as he was in the kitchen getting a cup of coffee and a newspaper. The hope was that he would be surprised by it and jump out of his seat. Nothing very exciting, Latvia knew that—it was mainly because Moldova had been very picky about what kind of pranks he wanted to pull, as most of the ones Latvia suggested were deemed 'too bad.'

The two boys watched from behind the door in the small office across from the dining room in anticipation. Soon enough, Estonia walked in and was about to sit in the chair he always sat in, the one containing the bear. He flopped his newspaper and prepared to sit down. Once his butt hit the bear, it activated that sickeningly-sweet high-pitched voice: I love you!

Startled, Estonia immediately sprang from his seat, gasping; he spilled his coffee all over the floor and his newspaper tumbled to the ground.

Latvia and Moldova began to cackle at this hilarious sight (still trying to keep their voices down, which was difficult); Latvia held out his hand for a high-five, which Moldova gladly accepted.

Estonia must've heard this, as amidst wallowing in the mess he'd just made, he crept over toward the door of the office, poking his head into it and seeing the two boys. He cocked an eyebrow. "...What are you two doing in here?"

Latvia was about to make up some petty excuse before Moldova spoke first: "Haha! Haha!" he exclaimed, still giggling. "You got pranked!"

Estonia was still a little confused until he realized: they must've set that bear down purposefully on the chair (he already figured Moldova had done it, though he'd thought the little boy had just accidentally left it there after playing with it). He then put his hands on his hips and grew a bit of an angry look on his face—they'd made him spill coffee on the floor and ruined his newspaper, for crying out loud! "Well," the Estonian began, "hate to say this, but you two are gonna be the ones to clean up the coffee."

Latvia had been laughing right along with Moldova, though when he heard Estonia say that he immediately grew a cross look as well. "Aw, no fair!" he argued. "You're the one who spilled the coffee! You clean it up!"

To his surprise, little Moldova backed him up. "Yeah, you clean it up, Estonia!"

Latvia looked down at the small boy and he couldn't help but crack a smile despite himself, thinking it was quite cute how he was mimicking him.

Estonia gave the two an annoyed glare. Latvia backtalking him wasn't really that out of the ordinary, but Moldova? The kid who literally asked every morning if he could take out the trash? Okay, now that was ridiculous. He groaned and, now out of options, he turned around and shouted, "Ukraine!" If there was anyone who would back him up and make the two clean up the mess, it was her.

Latvia clicked his tongue and immediately jumped up to run after Estonia, already complaining. Moldova hurried up and followed him, parroting him again.

Soon enough, the trio had all stormed over to Ukraine, who was sitting in the living room reading a book. She set the book down and got up as she began to hear their complaints, throwing her hands up in the air. "Goodness, what is going on here?" she asked.

Estonia shifted his glasses and began to speak, now gaining his composure and standing up straight (Fake, Latvia thought to himself as he saw this): "Latvia and Moldova tried to pull a prank on me," he began. "They sat one of Moldova's bears down on the chair—you know, the one that Russia bought for him that says I love you when you press on its stomach?—yeah, they sat that one down in the chair and I sat in it; it scared me and I jumped and ended up spilling coffee everywhere." He cleared his throat and concluded, "So they made me spill the coffee, therefore they should clean it up. But they won't."

"Oh, please. We didn't make you spill the coffee," Latvia protested loudly. "That's ridiculous."

Estonia began to argue back with Latvia, before Ukraine stomped her foot lightly and demanded, "Quiet!"

The two teenagers obeyed. Ukraine stood with her hands on her hips then, her face angry as she turned to Estonia. "Latvia and Moldova pulled a prank on you and made you spill a cup of coffee," she repeated crossly. "Yeah, I really believe they did that."

"But the—" Estonia began to say before Ukraine interrupted again.

"They act like they didn't do it," she said. "Especially Moldova. Look at him! How could you blame a little kid for such a thing?"

The group turned their eyes toward the said boy, who had his arms folded, eyes widened, and lips pouted, looking as innocent as ever (even though he'd been a more-than-willing accomplice, of course).

"But!—" Estonia said, before sighing, deciding it was pointless. Then, Ukraine went to the laundry room, picked up a mop and a bucket, walked back, and handed it toward Estonia. The bespectacled blond sighed again, taking it and going into the dining room to clean his mess. All the while Latvia was standing behind them, his hands tightly clamped over his mouth to avoid rolling on the floor in laughter. Moldova stayed just as he was, analyzing this interaction curiously and carefully.

Ukraine stood in the doorway between the living room and the dining room, watching Estonia. In the living room, Moldova watched Latvia closely. "Are you about to laugh?" he asked, tilting his head a little to the side as he looked up at the teen.

Latvia took his hands away for a brief moment, biting his lip, before nodding vigorously.

Moldova paused for a few moments, still staring at Latvia, before asking, "Is it as funny as when you put that spicy sauce in Sestra's soup?"

Moldova had said that loudly, loudly enough for Ukraine herself to hear; the woman turned around slowly, giving Latvia the same look she'd just given Estonia a few minutes prior.

Latvia stared ahead in absolute shock, feelings of dread mixed with anger simmering through him. Oh. My. God. Moldova truly hadn't learned anything, had he?

»»————-　➴　————-««

Soon enough, Latvia was in the dining room alongside Estonia, helping him clean the mess on the floor—it had gotten practically everywhere, apparently (how much coffee did Estonia seriously drink?) and it was very sticky. So, in short, it was not too fun to clean up. There was also the newspaper to worry about, which had its papers scattered all across the floor too.

And where was Moldova at that moment? Sitting at the dining room table, munching on a batch of cookies Ukraine had baked for him and drinking cold milk. A long milk mustache got caught on his top lip more than once, with every time Ukraine quickly dashing over to clean it up with a napkin.

Fun for him, Latvia thought sarcastically as he swept his mop through another stain. Whatever happened to partners in crime? He guessed telling the truth and mint chocolate cookies tasted more appetizing.

#hetalia #hetaliaplatonicshipsweek #hetalia event #hetalia fanfiction #fanfiction #aph latvia #aph moldova #hws latvia #hws moldova

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amarienne · 4 years ago

Text

It’s been two days. My blood still boils when I think of all the lost potential. (ramblings regarding how out of character the finale was)

Never before has an episode of any show, or a chapter of any book, or a scene of any movie has made me so upset. There is rage inside of me and the question of ‘how can a writer betray his own characters like this’.

(huge post following.)

I was not a hardcore destiel shipper. When I first started watching SPN a few years ago I knew of the ship but I thought that there was no chance in Hell a show like this would make it canon. And if we had never gotten 15x18 and some parts of 15x20 maybe I would be a tiny bit happier with how the finale went.

But the biggest mistake they did was give us the confession scene and not only that but echo it in Dean's actions in 15x19.

'That's not who I am'

This line keeps coming back to me because literally two episodes ago we saw Dean willing to sacrifice himself, Jack and even Sam so Chuck would disappear. He was red with rage and he didn't care for anything else apart winning. Let's not forget the thing that made him stop for a minute was Cas questioning Sam on why they should not go ahead with the plan. [Oh, there are plenty to be said for the only angel in all the universes that didn't just 'follow orders' after 'gripping him tight and raising him from perdition' but I won't go into that here.]

And sure, all that was Chuck's writing, but wasn't everything?

So what I am trying to say is that in three consecutive episodes we see:

-Dean full of anger and rage and ready to do anything to win -Dean giving up, losing hope after being cornered -Dean and TFW (minus Cas) finally overpower Chuck and walk away peacefully

So what changed? What made Dean walk away redifining himself as something different than the 'ultimate killer'?

Castiel. Of course, Castiel. The confession was so precious not only because Cas professed his love for Dean. No. It was vital to the plot of the next episode. And that was because before Cas utterred 'I love you' he spoke of how he sees Dean. How the way he sees himself is not the way Cas and the rest of the world sees him. How everything he has ever done, good and bad, was for love. Only for love. Not winning, not gaining power or wealth or recognition. But for love. At that moment Dean sees himself as Cas sees him, and it leaves him struck, speechless. Dean, who always had a snarky line ready is in awe trying to understand the words he is hearing.

And then, after everything is done and dusted we see Dean say 'That's not who I am' mirroring Cas' final words. The words he spent I don't know how much time sitting on the floor against the wall thinking about and crying. Noone else had gotten across to Dean like that, not even Sam. And we see that he started adopting Cas' image of him, believing it to be true. Or starting to.

Dean Winchester overpowered the ultimate villain and chose to stay true to Cas' image of him instead of taking revenge for Chuck screwing him over all his life.

This is poetic and heartbreaking, especially knowing Cas is gone. Not having Dean talk about the confession in 15x19 makes sense. We see glimpses of him numb at the loss, mourning Cas, wanting him back. We see the hope in his face when he thinks he is back. All these things make sense for 15x19, and even though we were sad we had to wait for the next episode hoping to see something tangible (aka the week we all clowned) I was content. The battle was done, the main plot was wrapped up. All was left was to see where all this last minute huge (especially for Dean) character progression and self acceptance would end up.

And then fucking 15x20 happens. It is like the writers threw in a cardboard box all the above points and details and threw it in the ocean. Nothing, absolutely nothing after the first 5 minutes makes sense in this fucking episode!

The montage at the beginning filled me with warmth and happiness. Dean (and Sam) are having a normal morning. Dean looks happy, he is eating, not depicted as overly drinking and most of all he has Miracle. He is focusing his love and affection on another living being. Sweet and warm. He plans to spend the afternoon eating pie with his brother. Goofy and light. The man deserves it for a bit.

But then we get the mention of Cas from Sam and we see how Dean reacts. How can Dean, who was sobbing on the floor and was demanding Cas to be brought back basically an episode ago keep an emotionless face and brush it off. We get the line 'If we don't keep living all that sacrifice was for nothing'. So we are meant to believe that right now Dean is not particularly bothered with Cas' death because it was a sacrifice to save the world. At this point a dread is starting to fill me.

Um, if it was the first time Cas was dying I would understand this. We have seen Dean broken over Cas' death before multiple times under more peaceful circumstances. Dean wouldn't leave Purgatory without Cas and you are trying to convince me after gaining true free will and finally writing his own story Dean would not break every cosmic rule to bring Cas back? Even if he did not reciprocate romantic feelings? This is the textbook definition of out of character in my eyes. Screw the romantic aspect because we ship it. Strip all the glances, touches and sexy lines we enjoy to gif and think back to feed the good ship Destiel, forget about it.

Keep the core of their relationship- the '3rd Winchester brother' who has stuck through thin and thick with them for the past 12 years. You mean to tell me Dean would be happy leaving Cas in the Empty and continue living his life? How is that possible? How is that Dean? How is it possible that we would not see Dean at least trying?

And then 20 minutes later comes the complete opposite of the line Dean wants to stick by. 'If we don't keep living all that sacrifice was for nothing'

But Dean does not keep living, does he? He doesn't grow happy or old. He doesn't start a family or open a bar or learn to dance. He doesn't honour Cas' sacrifice. He dies in the most unimaginitive way. And it is cruel. So cruel.

Dean went from having the strong belief that he would die young on a hunt fighting a monster, saving someone, machete and gun in his hand to starting to accept there is more to him than killing things.

And this fucking episode did a full backtrack and what did it give us?

Dean dying young on a hunt fighting a monster, saving two kids, machete and gun in his hand.

We got Dean dying in a way that gave us a 10 minute speech on how much he loves Sam. We got Dean dying in pain, scared and terrified. We got Dean getting a hunter's funeral with only Sam attending. We saw at Mary's funeral how a hunter's goodbye should look like. Room full of friends, mementos and alcohol. And Dean doesn't get any of that to honour his life.

How can he deserve that? How is it possible?

Even with Heaven 2.0 now being this trully idyllic place how can this be what Dean deserves?

And Sam... Sam gets to grow old in pain and regret. One foot on Earth with his family, one foot ready to follow Dean. Did anyone think Sam looked happy in that montage? Leaving the only home he shared with Dean? Presumably giving up his hunter friends, not even playing a 'Bobby' kind of role? Keeping the Impala in a dusty garage?

Jack... Jack who said he would be hands off, but how am I supposed to believe this would include his family? And even if he didn't heal/save Dean you mean to tell me he wouldn't be there for Sam? I am thinking of Jack appearing after Dean dies, supporting Sam's weight as he collapses, explaining why he can't bring him back. Standing next to Sam as Dean's body is burning.

And Cas... Cas who finally told Dean his truth and then sacrificed himself, content. Cas was saved from the Empty. No longer in eternal sleep sufferring. Working with Jack to rebuild Heaven. And... what? Cas who made Earth his true home, who was talking through tears how he loved the whole world through loving Dean, chose to stay in Heaven? Not stepping in Earth? Not getting in contact with the brothers? Waiting for them to die to talk to them again? And even when Dean dies he is not there to welcome him along with Jack? How is that possible?

We had gotten to know these characters so well over the past 15 seasons. How can the writers give us such a finale, so OOC for all three of them?

How can we not get a scene with Dean and Cas after the last two episodes?

Why have the confession, why have this be Cas' true moment of happines?

Why have the prayer in Purgatory a few episodes back?

Why have Dean break down in a way he has never broken down before?

What is the point of all this if there will be no climax? Even if it is the tiniest nudge, a couple words and a hug.

It makes absolutely no fucking sense. Up until now it felt like all roads, all plot points were converging to one- happiness, peace, love and family.

But no. We got a finale that would make sense 15 years ago. 15 seasons worth of character development and relationship building (not just Destiel, but Sam + Eileen, Jody, Donna and the girls, Charlie and so many others) and we got a finale that basically had Dean die so Sam could have a family.

As others have said here in tumblr Dean and Sam's lives on Earth would end up being exactly the same they ended up being if Dean did not go to get Sam that night.

How can a writer choose this fate for their characters? Why explore everything we watched on our screens, if on the last episode you decide to press delete on 15 seasons and basically deliver episode 1 if something had gone wrong and Dean died?

It makes no sense! It makes no sense regressing your characters 15 years and taking out of them all the experiences, especially those of the past few episodes.

You strip them into their season 1 selves. You strip them from all the layers of friendships, relationships, pain, experience and wisdom they went through and you strip them down to just two broken brothers, sticking together hunting things and saving people til the end. Which yes, they were.

But that was not all they were. Supernatural was a show about the family you make, not the family you get dealt with. Sam and Dean MADE the choice of sticking together. Yes they were brothers, but we know how easy it would have been to lead very different lives which would resulted in never seeing each other. They chose to stick together and they chose to build a family based on love, not blood.

And we got nothing of that legacy.

Is is unfair and it betrays not us, the fans, but the characters.

And that's what's hurting most.

#i am sorry for the long rant #supernatural #spn #dean #sam #castiel #destiel #15x20 #15x19 #15x18 #supernatural finale #carry on #mine

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uwua3 · 4 years ago

Note

Hi bunnie!! May I request b*nri starting a meaningful connection with his s/o?? thank u so much! ❤️ I’m so glad that bunuiel has such a meaningful connection with each other 😌✨🎻🧚‍♀️💕

this is so awful. this is such a bad prompt for personal reasons. the emojis. the meaningful connection. i’m doing this out of spite and nothing else, i was posssessed by a vengeful demon to type this out and i swear by it

summary: banri feels something once, and it’s all because of you

warnings: blood, crime, illegal activities/implications (breaking the law), injuries, police, toxic relationships, unhealthy power dynamics

author’s note: i promise, if you are sensitive to any of these warnings, do not read!

at first, i actually wanted to expand on banri’s impulsiveness in order to feel something but it became this! this can be considered ooc :) this is every aspect of him exaggerated to be very extreme!!!

word count: 3,690

music: x – code kunst ft. lee hi

🍁🥇 settsu banri

I BELIEVED YOU WHEN YOU PROMISED ME

WHEN YOU PRAYED WITH YOUR HANDS TOGETHER LIKE A MOSQUITO

I BELIEVED, I THOUGHT YOU MEANT IT, I’M THE FOOL, IT ALL MEANT NOTHING

NOW I KNOW, THANK YOU

Nothing was ever “good enough” for Banri. He felt nothing—absolutely fucking nothing no matter what he did. You noticed it too late: all the late–night drives on the verge of crashing, coming a little too close to the dark alleyway with two bloodshot eyes staring at him like he was a regular, the way he somehow knew how to roll his fingerprints just right in the police station. Banri wouldn’t react, hands up lazily like his criminal record was nothing, before he outran the cops with barely any effort.

You should’ve collected the evidence and left before it was too late. Now, you were in it for the long run, his ride–or–die until Banri got bored again, again, again. The handcuffs around his wrists had his name, you knew he could’ve broke them, snapped the middle chain cleanly without hesitation. But, Banri didn’t. Even as the officer pushed him against the side of the cruiser with you next to him, he grinned at you with the exact precision and bloodlust of a con–artist. Banri licked the blood off his bottom lip as you glanced at him, shaking and wondering why you let yourself get caught with him. Why did you decide to vandalize the building in the first place? Your mask heated your face, his was slipped above his mouth like he wanted the whole entire damn city to see his smirk every time they closed their eyes.

“Do you trust me?” Banri asked even though he already knew the answer, but it lacked empathy, understanding, emotion. You knew Banri didn’t feel anything, that was something you underestimated in his adrenaline–powered head. When you carefully nodded once, Banri’s eyes lit up like he was on fire, like he was made of every firecracker about to explode. He was right; you didn’t think twice before grabbing his free hand as the single cop on your trail cursed.

Banri liked this part the most, you knew that. The escape from the pig who thought this was gonna be an easy job, hiding out in a cramped tight area with the sound of your uncontrollable panting disturbing the silence, heading home with another one over the deadbeats. You never had to worry about being behind bars, Banri always won.

It was within the shadows cast by the local dumpster where he stuck himself against the brick wall, holding his breath. Banri’s hand was over your mouth to keep you quiet as you tried to make out shapes in the dark. A beam of a flashlight nearly hit your scuffed shoes, but it passed as you exhaled a sigh of relief, feeling yourself relax against Banri’s chest. You tried to pick up on his heartbeat that should’ve matched yours, the hard thump to show he was at least feeling alive. You didn’t hear anything.

When Banri’s arm around your waist dropped, your heart almost did the same. You wondered how easily Banri could rat you out, push you out to the center right now, and let the cop arrest you. It would’ve given him such an adrenaline rush, to have his own partner get caught and have him bail you out. You gripped his arm, he must’ve sensed you were on edge because Banri muttered something borderline comforting. Although you wished you could have read his mind, you were glad Banri couldn’t read yours or else he’d be tempted yet again.

When the coast was clear, you trailed behind Banri, nervously scanning your surroundings as you held onto his hand. Banri walked forward, stretching his arm back so you can have some sort of touch after everything you went through for his sake. You held on. You were afraid if you didn’t follow, you’d be left to die. You didn’t want to find out if Banri would do that to you, because you knew what the answer was.

YOU CALL ME LATE AT NIGHT

WHEN I’M NOT THE ONE YOU WANT

YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT, FINESSING ON IT

Banri had to know, the restless urge to not feel so empty and hollow anymore. You knew he couldn’t follow the rules, couldn’t force himself to adhere to anyone because no one was “superior” to him, he was his own force. Banri was irrational, reckless, and intense all at once, and maybe that’s why you liked him so much, because he just didn’t care.

But, that meant he didn’t care about you either. For so many nights, he’d ghost your multiple messages before showing up at your bedroom window after winning a fight. If you told him to stop, Banri would just keep throwing more punches to piss you off. Tonight, was one of these nights, as you already had your first–aid kit ready at the base of the flowing curtain pushed aside. He threw his mask off, exposing his injuries underneath. It revealed a 17–year–old boy so tired, so exhausted of himself with the same shit–eating grin he etched permanently on his scarred face.

“Come here.” You ordered without looking, not bothering to check the time or else you’d start another fight and push him away again. Banri listened for once, picking up on the sharp edge in your tone. He dropped onto the floor with the stealth of a cat, moving to sit down next to you with a wary look. As you were rummaging through the box for band–aids, Banri nudged you with his hand, about to say something before you noticed the multiple cuts along his knuckles.

He really would never change, not even for you.

You suddenly started crying, dropping your materials to the ground as Banri stood in silence, staring at you with slightly widened eyes as he backed up. Of course, the one thing Settsu Banri was afraid of and it was you having emotions. Out of all the things, this was what made him want to run away. Not the violence he initiated every night.

“You always do this.” You forced out, trying not to sob as you took in a shaky breath. Banri’s blinked, once, twice, before he extended an arm towards your shoulder. It felt so lifeless, so cold, so unnatural that you couldn’t help but cry louder, covering your mouth as you hung your head over the first–aid box. How much of this had you used just in the last month? Why was so much of it already gone? Why did you already know Banri was coming tonight? When did it become a habit for your boyfriend to only show up when he was hurt? You always saw him at his worst, but he considered this to be his best.

“Y–You, you...” You exhaled, gripping your hands into fists as you wanted to say it so bad. You wanted to ask, if Banri ever loved you, if he was fully aware you knew he didn’t want you, that you were never his main priority. You just turned towards him, seeing one hand was already on the ledge of your window, typical. You cupped his face, attempting to smile despite the tears staining your face, brushing a strand of hair back behind his ear. Did Banri feel it? Did he know you loved him? That you would do anything if he asked?

“Please, stop fighting, I can’t live without you.” You begged, pushing back what you truly wanted to yell. Banri gulped, his eyes staring into yours for the first time in... how long has it been since he let you touch him like this? Why did it take so long just to feel the blood running through his veins, the beat of your thumb’s pulse against his cheek, the sharpness of every feature he had. He was a double–edged sword, and you willingly took him by the hilt.

Banri didn’t say anything, didn’t move, as you touched his face again and again. You needed this, to remind you he was alive, even with all the marks disfiguring his appearance. You were about to say something, anything, to break the silence before Banri took his hand off the window, putting it on your hand against his cheek. It was calloused, rough, awkward, like he hadn’t done anything else with his hands except wound and destroy.

“I’m sorry.” Banri said, and for once, you knew he meant it. It didn’t mean he was going to change, but he knew what it did to you. Made you cry like there was no tomorrow, want to scream every time you noticed he had an injury; Banri wondered how’d you react if he died. A sick, twisted urge in him spiked in his head even when he saw how devastated you were in the moonlight. Banri was so sorry, but apologies meant shit when they made him feel nothing.

When you bandaged Banri’s wrist in silence, he only stared at you as you mended his wounds. Banri didn’t boast about his upper hand that night, didn’t begin talking shit about every and anyone who dared defy him physically, didn’t even spit out the blood in his mouth just to scare you. Banri didn’t do any of those that night, just let you heal him to the best of your ability before he disappeared.

Before he left, Banri turned and looked at you like he really was sorry. Then, pulled the mask over his face before he was gone. Leaving the curtain billowing with the late wind and the window half–open.

The next time Banri called you, footsteps pounding on your fire escape, you readied your first–aid kit. You didn’t cry this time or the next, you didn’t feel anything anymore.

CALL ME A BITCH, I’M PROUD OF IT

WHAT I WANT, YOU GOT IT WRONG

STOP IT, I GOTTA GO

I WANT IT MORE, I WANT TO SCREAM AND GROWL

Banri was sorry he got you into this. You, who he knew loved him unconditionally even if it meant risking a criminal record against a police cruiser, even if it meant patching up his wounds in the final hours of dusk just so he’d survive to do it again. If Banri knew anything, it was you had dated him because you loved him, unlike Banri. Banri didn’t love you—you were just different.

You were unexpected. You were so in touch with how you felt, expressing your emotions with your heart on your sleeve and Banri took it and ran. When you were overwhelmed, you cried. When you were happy, you smiled. When you were angry, you yelled. You were so normal, but there was something about how emotional and empathetic and caring you were that he had to date you. When he asked, you smiled. You rarely did that nowadays, Banri thought he would gain the feeling you lost—happiness—but, he didn’t. It seemed like anything you sacrificed for him wouldn’t go to him, shame.

When Banri was overwhelmed, he went to go impulsively start a fight with someone he knew didn’t deserve it. When Banri was happy, he probably was because hell was about to break loose for once. When Banri was angry, there was nothing to be said. Banri didn’t function like you, couldn’t express himself in the way you did because he didn’t feel like you. Yet, it was so nice to see you behave the way you did without shame, embarrassment, or humiliation. Banri liked you in a way, but he could never let himself love you the way you wanted.

Banri didn’t want to see you. That night, where you cried, Banri thought he’d come running back for more of those tears. But, was he uncomfortable? Were you beginning to trust him a little bit too much? Banri snuck in the dorms again, knowing Sakyo was on his case for being oddly quiet in his room. Luckily, no one questioned the tape of video game background noises on repeat besides his desk. When Banri dropped his bag onto his bed with a huff, a desk lamp flickered on with the pull of a string as his roommate stared at him with piercing slanted yellow eyes, like a wolf would with its competitor.

Banri was about to curse, tell Juza to fuck off like always before Juza narrowed his eyes, giving him a warning to shut up before he made him. Banri complied, knowing how thin these walls were. Juza just stood up, stepping closer until he was a close distance to Banri, his nostrils flaring and lips snarled. Banri, surprisingly, didn’t like fighting Juza. The evidence was right there next morning, it was just begging for a scolding and lecture from Omi.

“I know what you did.” Juza stated, but Banri almost had to laugh. There were so many things he’s done in his entire life, not to mention just the past month alone, how could he single it to one? Before Banri could give some bratty, sarcastic answer to make him mad, Juza continued.

“Banri, how long are you gonna keep hurting people for your own gain?” Juza asked without looking away, the silence hanging in the air. The tension was so unbearable, Banri just laughed despite the late hour. He knew Taichi was probably stirring awake just from the noise, fuck. Juza didn’t move, even when Banri got closer and fixed his collar like it was nothing.

“Juza...” Banri started, avoiding his eyes as he patted his shoulders with a little bit too much force. More than necessary, that is. “Stay out of it, will ya?” Banri turned to unload his goods, knowing stealing was usually at the bottom of his list, he just needed to get his mind off you. Juza scoffed, standing still as he gazed upon the things Banri somehow claimed without revealing who he was to the authorities.

Reaching out, Juza managed to snatch the deep purple mask from Banri’s back pocket, not needing to examine it any further as Banri spun around with a furious look. In that moment, when Juza said he knew what he did, it suddenly had more meaning now.

“This isn’t good for the company, you know that.” Juza reasoned but Banri was far gone. Banri had spiralled out of control much longer than everyone had anticipated, he hid it so well that no one realized the signs until it blew up in their face. At first, it was harmless little fights behind the school. Now, it was full scale crimes that he could actually be detained for, with a sentence in prison. Knowing Banri, he’d escape just to be in a car chase.

“You think I’d get caught?” Banri joked, pushing everything beneath his bed. Yanking the mask back, Juza pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to be as patient as possible. Before he could say anything, Banri threw his head back with a laugh so hollow it echoed. The desk light flickered again, leaving a moment where Banri was masked in the darkness, like he belonged.

“Don’t worry your ass off about it, the only person I’m hurting here is myself.”

Banri purposely left your name off his tongue. But, Juza knew, knew that nothing would change.

YOU MAKE ME WANT FOR SOMEBODY ELSE

WHAT I WANT, YOU GOT IT WRONG

EVERY DAMN THING YOU KNOW, I WANT IT MORE

JUST BRING ME HOME

“You could die.”

Banri didn’t react, not looking up. He was sat on your floor, closing the curtains tight for once and making sure no one could see him. You were on edge, eyes nervously darting to the window like the police would bust in any second. You stood over him, your shadow hiding every feature as he disappeared within the depths.

“No one said this came with being a damn criminal.” You cursed, crossing your arms and double–checking the locks. Banri had his same old mask in his hands, letting the few streetlights ghost over the material. How long had it been with him? He met you first time in the mask, you haven’t looked at him with it since, like you wished it wasn’t apart of his life anymore. Banri spoke, a heavy edge that had no particular meaning lacing his words.

“No one said you had to be with this damn criminal.”

You paused, slowly turning towards Banri who was still staring steel–eyed at that damn mask. You stomped over, pulling it out of his hands as Banri shot to his feet, about to protest before you stopped him.

“Don’t you get it?! I love you,” You paused, as if waiting to hear it said back to you. It never even crossed Banri’s mind, that’s how insignificant and temporary you were to him. You didn’t know why you even tried anymore. Ignoring the built–up tears choking up your words, you carried on with a shaky tone he was used to hearing.

“But, I’d rather you alive in prison than dead at some crime scene.” You admitted, feeling your hand shake around the mask. Banri nodded, but he wasn’t listening, you knew that. He didn’t flinch from your honesty, he was ignoring you like always. He didn’t bother listening to anything that went against him. You stared at the mask, like it was the source of all your problems, you had never hated something so much in your life.

“Just give it back.” Banri demanded, snatching the mask back with such quickness you couldn’t move out of the way. You watched him open the window, about to leave again, as you blinked away the tears. All he did these days was give you a reason to cry over someone who just didn’t care.

“Do you love me, Banri?”

Banri paused at the ledge, opening his mouth like he wanted to respond. One look at your face and he shook his head, whether out of disagreement or his inability to truthfully answer, you’ll never know. Banri forced the mask back on, concealing his identity as he slammed the window shut. You knew he wouldn’t be gone for too long, you’d see him on the news the next morning.

ON A WINTER NIGHT, I’M TAKING A RIDE ON THE RIVERSIDE HIGHWAY

THAT WE USED TO DRIVE ON

WE WERE IN THAT SMALL PRIDE NEXT TO THAT HUMMER BENZ AND ROVER

STEP ON IT, YOU GOT IT, SWITCH LANES, LET’S RIDE IT

BEEP BEEP, YOU’RE LOSING, CURSES COMING FROM YOUR MOUTH

“This just in, police are on the lookout for infamous thief, X, who stole a police officer’s car and drove it straight into the river. If you have any information on this criminal—” A blurry, grainy snapshot of a teen with a purple mask climbing to the bridge appeared. “Contact your local police station now.”

The news was nearly inaudible over breakfast that morning, but you didn’t dare look back at the television screen. You knew who would come by your room tonight as you gripped your phone in your hand.

Anything in the name of love, right? You would do anything for the ones you loved, dialing the familiar number and bringing it to your ear. A ring passed before someone answered.

If only Banri loved you like he loved death.

YOUR ATTITUDE, YOUR MANNERS

YOUR STYLE, YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR CREW

I JUST GOTTA LEAVE, I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE

I’M BUSY, DON’T CALL ME, ESPECIALLY WHEN I’M ASLEEP AT NIGHT

IT’S TOO LATE TO APOLOGIZE, YOU MADE ME INTO THIS

Banri was already pushing open your unlocked window, slipping in without a sound as he landed into the empty apartment. Strange, you would’ve already been waiting for him like the good person you were. Patiently sitting with your first–aid kit open and restocked for your favorite patient. Pulling off the mask, Banri glanced around to see all the lights were off, the city being your only source of illumination. Everything seemed untouched, in an odd way. There were no creases in your favorite spot on the sofa, no dirty dishes left at the coffee table, the blankets folded and organized. It was as if you hadn’t been home all day.

Before he could move another step, Banri heard a quiet breath. He snapped his head towards the sound, automatically preparing to fight but it was just you, standing nearby. You were already looking at him, a blank expression masking anything you were feeling at the moment. You held eye contact with him over a duration of silence. Not even one question, condolence, or argument. You didn’t say a word. Banri blinked, just to confirm you were actually there.

It was like another day, except you weren’t crying. There were no more tears to be spared, especially over someone who didn’t love you back. You just acted like there was nothing wrong, staring again and again as if this was the last time you’d ever see him.

Banri didn’t get a chance to move closer towards you. With one step, a creak of the floorboard, you straightened your back, not hiding anymore.

“Banri, I love you, you know that, right?” You asked patiently, Banri nodding hesitantly in response as he warily looked around the apartment. He didn’t get a chance to question a thing as you stepped closer, automatically causing him to move back quickly.

“Do you love me, Banri?”

A siren. No, multiple red and blue sirens flooded the dark room as the sets of tires screeched against the pavement. You looked different tonight, maybe it really was the lighting. Before Banri could put his mask back on and run, you placed your hand against his cheek just like that night weeks before. The hard thump of his heartbeat was audible, you wished you could’ve heard the sound even more.

You ran your thumb over a scar beneath his eye, a shaky smile on your dry lips. You wished he said it back, maybe you would’ve helped him escape.

“You should’ve loved me.”

Banri put his hands up with no where to run this time. X marks the spot.

#settsu banri #banri settsu #a3! act! addict! actors!#a3!#act! addict! actors!#a3! actor training game #a3! one shots #act! addict! actors! one shots #mankai a3!#mankai company #a3! x reader #a3 x reader #banri x reader #a3! banri #a3 banri

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shy-magpie · 4 years ago

Text

RQG 156

live blog under the cut

Heads up about half way through I realized I go a bit further into analysis on where Zolf & the Kobolds are mentally than some people might be comfortable with. Just as they trust us to back off if the episode gets to real, I am trusting you to close the tab if my little live blog is hitting you wrong. If it makes a difference I have years between me and the reason I relate to this stuff.

"In Memorium" they are trying to kill us Ah they lampshaded the speed intros Yes Alex it is rather Paris Right to Azu & Zolf. Oh he's jumping right in. And there's my first pause of the episode. No “better” isn't a magic finish line you pass then never find yourself in that place again. No, knowing that doesn't mean you don't wonder if your back at square one every time you realize You Are In A Bad Place and Not Handling it Well. Gosh Azu is good at this. Yeah learning to walk away is hard. Learning to ignore the part of yourself that says "and never come back for their sake" is harder. Symbolic much Alex (Zolf is too small for the room, Azu is too large) Yeah it would be easier to not blame Zolf for last episode if I related to him a bit less. Okay they are talking about Hamid and their concerns for him directly. Yeah Hamid's relationship with power & privilege is an arc; and without the Doylist level of trusting Bryn & Alex, I can see where even if you trust/like him you'd be worried about it. With the best of intentions people misuse power. Azu quoted Grizzop at Zolf. Didn't name him, wonder if Zolf is ever going ask directly about his replacement in canon or if its best left to fic. Its easy to dismiss one's own successes. Okay fair and OW, Zolf isn't up to talking about Sasha; which is the part of this I was most prepared for. Hell yeah! He is coming down but not going to be attempting to lead so as to relieve pressure on himself. Maybe if he can let Hamid step up without making a Kew Garden thing he'll see how much he's grown. Hopefully without that setting off a "Hamid does better without me" thing. Yeah intellectual knowledge and it feeling real on an emotional level are very different things. Alex, why does it matter what order they are in? ALEX? The necklace? The Heart of Aphrodite shaped necklace? Azu got a Sign from Aphrodite approving of her reaching out to Zolf as an act of love. Yes! Blue Black no take backs! Yeah those two (players) know exactly what they are doing: breaking my heart in the best ways and not skipping over the actual work those two (characters) need to put into their relationship with OOC "its all fine now"s. Ok that settles the timeline, Azu went up same night, the device isn't made yet. Yeah Zolf wouldn't, probably best to back off while things are tender while being present enough to assure he isn't planning on leaving. Seriously bless Azu, this has to be at least as hard on her as Helen but she is letting the boys have room to work it out for themselves instead of "trying to help". The last thing either of them need right now is pressure especially on this point. Aw the Kobolds teach Cel draconic. Oh smart kid, not only is it just logical for the Kobolds to work with Cel directly, it might help them get over the "looking to see if the boss approves of how you breathe" stage. Especially if he is clear about not being threatened by them having advantage over him in this area. Heck of a relief this isn't hitting my rank issues. Ooh all the Kobolds are amazing engineers, wonder if its a Kobold thing or if Skraak recruited people with similar interests. Nice rework of the "Kobolds build traps" thing from pathfinder. I genuinely love how instead of pitching the original description of Kobolds out the window, Alex has backwards engineered it. Reputation for traps isn't a dishonorable approach to fighting, its a sign of their skill. They aren't minions, their trauma is interacting with a cultural attitude about rank in weird ways. Oh Cel! Cel is amazing. Under Shoin's orders they: made Magic Steroids, did maintenance (more towards the end as Shoin wasn't taking care of things), built the place initially, sourced ingredients, other Kobolds built the Mechkraken. Damn Shoin, they can't even be proud of all they were able to do in adverse circumstances because he tainted it. If they weren't forced to do it and have it used for ill ends, building the kraken would be impressive. A lot of that sounds like difficult work. Hamid stuff: yeah it is from a place of fear; and they would be hypersensitive and need to try to "defend him" so he doesn't react. Terrified of his anger? Handle anything that even annoys him to cut it off at the pass. And being a good person who doesn't like scaring them, Hamid is going to over do the very "Mary Sunshine" routine that makes Zolf think he doesn't appreciate the gravity of the situation. You'd think Mr "do a grief later" would get that Hamid doesn't have to walk the halls wailing to be aware of the end of the world. Not that the kid can win, if he cried and threw up it would be proof he hasn't grown from season one. Hopefully by taking a back seat Zolf will have a chance to see Hamid's actions and realize being chipper & wholesome doesn't mean stupid. Oh Alex has thought this through, one of these days I'll quit being surprised he actually gets this stuff. Not being able to read the person whose emotions feel like life & death is a Bad Thing. Thank Alex for Skraak. Weird seeing this stuff from this side, of course learning to focus on my end instead of being preoccupied with what was going on in the heads of people who were on Hamid's end of it was rather the point. Perfect balance, Hamid gives them enough space to realize he isn’t going to explode, Skraak "translates" into something clear enough not to stress them out. Like when Zolf snapped at Skraak when he pledged to Hamid; might not be pretty but not knowing what The Powers That Be want? Very bad place. Rank and clear orders are very important when appeasing those who outrank you is everything. Cel has dealt with a lot of young and unsure apprentices!?! Yeah well Cel isn't in their chain of command and gears don't get offended if you have an opinion on the right way to configure them. Cel is great Azu & Hamid talking about Zolf! Helen is wonderful! I thought this was going to be drawn out and indirect, instead they are actually facing things head on and dealing with them. Aw these two are so good for each other. Azu would set aside her own emotions. Hot damn Azu, getting right to it! Hamid can be amazingly open about his self awareness and it surprises me every time. It fits him and is a very good thing, but going from answering "how are you?" with "the Kobolds are doing well" to "I never knew how to help him" without it being jarring made me do quite the double take. Guess I was expecting more deflection. Yeah well you two are redefining your boundaries, entire relationship, and rank in specific, while being the perhaps the only people with enough of the picture to figure out how to save the world. Working out the balance between conflicting views on that, when neither of you knows what the end will look like was never going to be smooth. Oh yes and none of you have directly addressed that half of Zolf's rank & dick measuring stuff is because he doesn't know if he even has a role if he isn't The Boss or The Healer.* Oh the grin in Alex's voice as he tells them there is something else before the brorb interview. Whisky tumblers for each? Quite a sigh there Ben News? Big news? While they were in the institute? They ought to sit down. Wilde get to it. Ah Azu & Hamid are holding hands. Poor kid with his prop. Letter? Ancient Rome? Sasha? Are all the fics coming true? Their founder "Askingus"!?! Oh Sasha, oh Zolf! Lydia! Oh the kids! She named the kids after the party. She even found her faith. A break? How the hell are we only half way through the episode. Also hell yeah Lydia deserves all the awards, that was an amazing letter. XD Ben! Oh Hamid, we reacted that way to the epilogue that way too. It really is okay, it was a good end. Yeah he could use a drink. Poor Zolf. Hamid gives Wilde a hug. "technically I think that makes Sasha my boss". XP be cryptic Alex, The RSB will have it figured out by Friday. Ok Zolf got to read the letter on his own. Azu lit 3 candles, because Helen wants me to cry. Hamid is at Zolf's door with a bottle and two glasses. Lydia this is a compliment to your skill. More direct than I expected from Hamid. Oh these two! Okay he is drunk enough to go there (angry at Zolf for leaving but he gets it). About time someone told Zolf directly he's grown. Aw Zolf puts him to bed. Thank you Alex! Ben! (okay fair, if any of Hamid was left he'd cuddle). Sorry Cel! Lydia wanted to break/heal our hearts more than she wanted the plot to move forward ;) Good plan: take the orb to the anti magic field, only those who have already talked to it can talk directly. Info control. Hive mind/telepathy directly addressed. Finally what Shoin eats is addressed. Ok Cel has some teeth on them. Hasn't fed it, is using the vibration to threaten to explode his brain, (no English doesn't have enough pronouns we are working on it)... Oh good point better feed it. Aw Zolf is possessive of the kitchen. Shoin is still Shoin. Cel is not happy about not being recognized. Nice to hear the boys working together. The Infection might block him from being directly aware of being infected. Bullsh$% he backed himself up. Good point Zolf even if he does, they are separate lives, this instance can still fear death. Oh all the party have teeth, nice they don't have the "good guys have to be sweet & gentle with the baddies" thing Yeah Cel isn't stupid, the brorbs arm isn't a threat. Oh auto painting that will make the people theorizing on the bio side of how the Brorb works happy. A circulatory diagram, and am ocean of faces. Paints like a printer. A creepy charcoal sketch of London staring at the artist. *I swear on Rusty Tower if they let him hurt himself any worse because he thinks his new role is "a brick wall on wheels" I am joining the line to fight Ben in a Whetherspoons parking lot. Yes it would be in character but so would healing. There are other hills. Although seriously its been great having a character that shows so many of the aspects of depression that usually get left out. That Zolf is also a three dimensional character with a full personality beyond just "the one with mental health issues" while not making it look like those issues are tacked on or easy to handle? Stunning work.

#Rusty Quill Gaming #RQG Spoilers #alcohol #live blog thingy #RQG 156

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melancholydreadfuldream · 5 years ago

Text

Going Under Part One

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing: 13th Doctor x Reader

Summary: An accident during a routine adventure made your life spiraled out of control with only the Doctor as the anchor. Will you ever find your way back to your Doctor again?

Trigger Warning: ooc, angst, plot holes as usual, attempted suicide, dark!doctor, death, insanity, etc. You have been warned.

More warning: English is not my first language so beware of the headache you will receive upon reading this.

A/N: Ok, this is going to be a very disastrous story and to tell the truth, I have no idea how to wrap it up in a pretty bow. For this particular story, I put the song Going Under by Evanescence on a loop to get in the mood hence the title. As usual, this story probably filled with lot of plot holes, but that is to be expected in my fanfiction. I'm very afraid to post this actually. It would be very me to ended up writing a bad fanfiction that no one care to read. I have finished part two, actually, but I will post it on queue. Ugh, I'm throwing myself into the usual circle of hell of wondering whether writing this worth it or whether this is trash. Wish me luck, guys!

Part Two is here

I fell to the ground after I was shot by that light beam. I thought I was a goner. From the concerned sounds of the Doctor and the fam, they thought the same.

It was our usual routine adventure that almost always followed by a crisis that only the Doctor can solved. This time, the crisis involved human experiments. The Doctor is righteously pissed at the perpetrators. And one of the scientists shot at the Doctor using his experimental weapon and I pushed her out of the way.

The Doctor and the fam fussed over me.

I felt pain and then nothing. I think I lose my consciousness for a bit. I woke up to the sound of sonic screwdriver insistently scanning me. I forced myself to open my eyes and saw the relieved faces of the Doctor and the fam. I groaned. "What happened?"

The Doctor and the fam shared a chuckle at my respond.

"Don't ever do that again." The Doctor said with a firm tone.

Seeing her serious expression, I sighed. Eventhough she would have done the same as me if she was in my position, the time lady doth protest too much, methinks. But I'm not in the mood to argue, so I replied, "I won't."

The Doctor gazed at me with indecipherable expression. "We should go back to the Tardis. I have to scan you some more. I don't know what that weapon is, seem to malfunction, you are very lucky, (name). But just in case, I need to do more test on you."

"Whatever you want, doc."

"How are you feeling?" Yaz asked me as she helped me up.

"Like I was electrocuted? But...now I feel kind of okay." I said.

"You scared all of us." Ryan said.

"Sorry. But I'm fine, see?" I decided to do a dramatic spinning and I regretted it when I lost my balance.

The Doctor catches me before I fall. "Not so fine after all..." she murmured. She is surprisingly very strong.

"Okay, I might need a rest." I admitted.

The Doctor made Yaz and Ryan led me back to the Tardis as she had to deal with the scientists.

7777

Yaz and Ryan took me to my room back inside the Tardis. I thanks them for their help before hugging one of my stuffed animals pillow on the bed and blissfully fell into a deep sleep.

I woke maybe a few hours later. The room is cold. I felt so uncomfortable as I forced myself to open my eyes. I was surprised to find myself on the floor in a very dark room. I reach around my pant for my smartphone and turned on the flashlight. I found the door and got out. I could hear the voices of the Doctor and the fam in the console room so I went over there.

"Guys, how did I ended up on the floor in some random room?" I asked loudly.

The Doctor and the fam froze as they saw me.

The Doctor quickly approached me and demanded in a very scary tone, "Who are you? How did you get on board of my Tardis?"

I was confused. "What do you mean?"

"We are inside the time vortex. How did you get here? And when did you even get in?"

I stared at her in confusion. "Doctor, what are you talking about?"

"Y-you know who I am?" The Doctor asked. She look at me in skeptical.

"Of course I do. Duh. We have been travelling together for a while." I said. "Ryan, is this one of your prank? Did you get her to play along?"

Ryan look very confused. "Err, you know me?"

"Ok, this is not funny, guys." I complained. "I'm so tired after our latest adventures. I mean, I did get shot. I'm really not in the mood for whatever prank this is."

The Doctor and the fam exchanged a look at each other.

They were making me nervous now.

"We don't know who you are." It was Yaz who replied.

"That's not funny, Yaz." I said. "Just stop it, guys."

"How did you know my fam? Who are you?" The Doctor demanded as she grabbed my wrist in warning.

"Doctor, you are hurting me. What is wrong with you?" I yelled angrily as I tried to pull my wrist free of her strong grip.

"Err, doc, I think we all need to calm down some." Graham said.

The Doctor released me grudgingly.

I massaged my wrist. "Had I known you would act this way, I would let that scientist shot you."

"What scientist?" The Doctor asked.

"You said you were shot? Where are you injured?" Yaz asked.

I sighed. "Are we still playing this? You are all there when he shot at the Doctor and I pushes her out of the way." I glared at the Doctor. "Don't worry, doc, I won't shield you again next time." I said sarcastically.

The Doctor pulled her sonic screwdriver and scanned me. "Human."

"Of course, I am human! Guys, I'm so..." I trailed as I finally take a good long look at them and realized they really have no idea who I am. "You really have no idea who I am?"

The fam nodded in unison.

I could feel myself start to panic. "Oh God, is this the side effect of that shot? Did it makes you guys forgot all about me? I mean it was experimental weapon. And, doc, you promised to do a scan on me in the Tardis to see if there is any other...damages..."

"I don't know who you are and what your plan is but if you are planning to..."

"I'm not! I am not the enemy, okay! Just chill!" I yelled at her when I noticed she is about to give me her oncoming storm rants. I quickly pulled my smartphone.

The Doctor raised her sonic screwdriver at me warningly.

"I have proof, okay?" I placated. I went through my phone and to the gallery. I showed them our many selfie group pictures. "Here."

The Doctor grabbed my phone and took a few step back. The fam goes to see the pictures in disbelief.

"How is this possible?" Yaz asked the Doctor.

The Doctor observed the pictures and then she stared at me. "What is your name?"

"It's (name). (name) (last name)." I replied weakly.

The Doctor nodded and went to the console, pushing some button. The monitor suddenly turned on and show information on me. While at it, the Doctor performed a scan on me via the Tardis. She also cloned my phone so that she can investigates the pictures. I think she suspected it was fake photoshop picture or something.

"Satisfied yet? I'm not lying, okay."

The Doctor hummed. "We will see."

I groaned in annoyance.

While the Doctor busy consulting with the Tardis, I sat on one of the stairs. I watched the Doctor and the fam stay far away from me and whispered really quiet. I sighed.

The Tardis suddenly bleeping loudly and the Doctor run around the console and then stopped in front of the monitor, reading the information provided by the sentient ship.

The Doctor look awed, her mouth dropped open. She turned to look at me.

"What is it?" I asked.

"According to this, you are from an alternate universe." The Doctor replied. "But how did you even ended up here?"

"You are asking me? I have no idea. Last thing I remember is sleeping in my room at the Tardis and then I woke up here." I said.

"Tell me exactly what happened before. You said that you were shot...by some scientist?" The Doctor asked.

So I told her exactly what happened.

7777

While The Doctor is busy figuring out what exactly happened to me, I sat alone at the kitchen's Tardis. At least the way to the kitchen is still the same. I made myself a coffee and sat staring at my cup absentmindedly.

Ryan come in and sat with me for a while. He was curious about the other Ryan and asked me to tell stories about my own adventure back in my universe.

I sighed. It seemed I have come to accept what is happening to me. I am indeed in twilight zone where I have never met the Doctor and the fam thus never boarded the Tardis. I was kind of sad so to distract my mind, I relented and tell him whatever he want to know.

Eventually Yaz joined us. We started talking about our respective adventures and about the Doctor. We got a laugh over the Doctor being pretty much the same in any universe.

I don't know how long we talked but I was grateful for them for easing my loneliness. I finally noticed the Doctor is standing leaning against the doorway, watching us. A small smile touched her lips as she watches us.

"Doctor." I called out. "Did you find anything?"

She shook her head. "I'm sorry. Unless we found the weapon they used on you, I can't exactly figure it out."

"So, we have to go to the place where the scientists are? Okay. Let's go." I said, eager to get this over with so I can go back to my Doctor and my friends. "I mean, I guess we should find your version of the scientists who did this to me, right? So that you can take a look at the weapon?"

The Doctor look impressed with me.

"Then what are waiting for?"

"Tomorrow." The Doctor replied. "We are all tired. You look tired."

I wanted to protest but she shushed me.

"Come on I will show you to your room." The Doctor said.

7777

The Doctor left me in my new room. The room is just ordinary without any of personal touch. I felt the loneliness come back. I laid on the bed, trying to hold back my tears. I pulled my phone and swipe on the pictures of my Doctor and my fam. I hope to God that I could return back to them as soon as possible. "Please don't let me be trapped here." I whispered. I fell asleep soon after.

I woke up to the concerned voices of the Doctor and the fam. I opened my eyes in confusion. I wasn't in my room. The Tardis med-bay, my mind supplied.

The Doctor and the fam looked at me with troubled expression.

"Doctor? What happened?"

"You're awake."

"How did I get here? I was in my room."

"The Doctor is checking on you and she found you in a seizure." Yaz replied. "You really had all of us scared out of our mind."

I smiled a little. I felt bad for intruding on them when they didn't even know me. I frowned. I didn't remember getting a seizure though. I looked up toward the Doctor. "Thank you for checking up on me. You saved me."

"We are even then..." The Doctor said.

"Yeah."

The Doctor gazed at me. "Do you feel any pain right now?"

"Not really, just really really tired." I trailed. My eyes widened suddenly as I look at the Doctor. "we are even?"

The Doctor looked confused. "Yeah, you did saved me first, by pushing me out of the way."

"You know me!" I yelled suddenly. "You know me, right?" I asked her and then turned to the fam. "You guys too? Yaz? Ryan? Graham?"

The Doctor and the fam stared at me as if I had gone insane and exchanged a look with each other.

"err, did she get a concussion, doc?" Ryan asked.

"Hey!!" I yelled. "Focus!! Who am I?"

"You don't know?" Graham asked.

"Of course I know who I am. Do you? Come on, guys, work with me here!" I said as I forced myself to get up despite their protests. "Who am I?" I barked at them. If the situation is different, I would have laugh at how angry I sounded but I was desperate for them to make sure they do know me.

The Doctor stared at me and then replied, "You are (name)."

"And?" I urged. "Did I travel with you and them in the Tardis?"

"You know you do, (name)." Yaz said. "What's gotten into you?"

I sighed in relief at their confirmation. I laughed. "I'm back!" I laughed some more as tears suddenly fell into my cheeks.

"(name), are you alright?" Graham asked cautiously.

"You guys won't believe what happened to me." I said. And I told them what happened to me earlier.

7777

I sulked. They don't believe me. At all. Because according to them, I have been sleeping in my room that whole time. Even the Doctor said what I'm experiencing is probably a nightmare. In a way, it made sense. The Doctor and the fam never knew me? My greatest fear.

I sat on the stairs on the console room. After what happened to me, regardless whether it was real or not, I don't feel like to be alone so I sat there, watching the Doctor at the console.

The Doctor noticed me and decided to join me at the stairs.

"So, a seizure, huh? Was it because of that weapon? Have you figure out what that weapon are? Did it meant to give the victim a nightmare and a seizure?" I asked the Doctor.

The Doctor look troubled.

"Doctor?"

"Don't worry, (name), it will be okay."

"So there is something to worry about?"

"Of course not."

"But you just said..."

The Doctor surprised me when she suddenly grabbed my face. I blushed at the close proximity.

"Just trust in me, (name)." She said as she put her forehead over mine. "Just trust the Doctor."

"I do trust you, Doctor." I said softly.

I feel dizzy all of sudden and fell to the floor, unable to balance myself. "Ow, what the hell...? That is some headache..." I looked up and frowned when I realized I was alone. "Doctor?"

7777

My eyes widened as I take in the console room. It was different from what I used to. But there is no one in the console room. Fear nagging on the corner of my mind. Have I gone insane? Or did I somehow travel somewhere else again?

I know the Tardis is not in mid-flight, it was already landed somewhere so I got out of the Tardis to check it out. As I opened the door, I saw the beach and a man in a trench coat was there, nursing a banana daiquiri. He had his ties tied around his forehead and a black sunglasses covered his face. He was drunk as a skunk. With no one in sight, I had no choice but to go to him for information.

"Hello." I greeted.

The man glanced at me and smiled brightly. "Why, hello there. Where did you come from? No one go to this beach this time of the years..."

"Yeaah...about that...where am I...exactly? I'm kinda lost...?"

He beamed. "I'm good with lost thing. Oops, where is my manner? Hulla there, I'm the Doctor."

My jaw dropped in shock. "W-what? You? You are the Doctor?" I asked.

"Yeah, do you know of me then?" He asked in dopey manner.

"But...you are a man..." I said dumbly.

"Of course I am a man. What else I could be?" He asked almost like I insult him.

"Right. She said she was once a Scotsman before. It was a time lord thingies, was it?"

He sobered up almost immediately. "How did you know that?"

"I'm not the enemy, okay? Everytime!" I yelled, pissed at his tone that is almost accusing. I admitted I was being dramatic. It was only one time but I just hated being questioned of my intention. But then again, this version of the Doctor never met me so of course he will be suspicious.

He frowned at me.

"Look, Doctor. I don't know what is happening to me. I keep waking up into different Tardis than the one that I know of. My Doctor said everything is alright but as you can see, the fact that I'm here instead with her means something is wrong. I knew she is holding out something on me. Trust in the Doctor, my ass!" I ranted.

He blinked at me. "Soo, you are a future companion of mine then? And I will be a Time Lady in the future?"

I blinked back at him. "You are taking this surprisingly well. I thought you would give me the oncoming storm speech. Considering I have no proof that I am indeed your future companion..."

"I feel like you are quite genuine to fake it."

"err, thanks?"

He grinned a boyish grin at me. "Right then, off to the Tardis we are!" He said as he grabbed my hand toward the Tardis.

I pulled away from him. "Bit forward, aren't you?"

"What? Didn't your Doctor grab your hand and told you to run?"

"Noo. She told me to get off my ass and help her barricade the door."

"Oh."

"We were under alien attack, you see, it was my first time to see alien so I was kinda out of it."

"Right. That sounded like interesting story which we can continue on the Tardis. Come on."

I followed him obediently.

7777

I told him what happened to me, about the shooting, about the alternate universe.

The Doctor hummed as he pushed some button on the Tardis as he made the machine scan me.

"So, am I in the past or am I in some random alternate universe?" I asked.

The Doctor frowned as he observed the monitor containing information on whatever it is he is working on.

"What is it?"

"Nothing." He said as he tried to pulled the monitor away from me but I was faster this time and I saw it.

"Ooh..." I was understandably shocked. Because according to the Tardis database, I don't exist.

"Different universe yeah?" He said as if trying to console me.

"Yeah." I nodded numbly. "But... you believe me?"

He nodded. "Course."

I sighed in relief. "Can you get me back home?"

"I will most certainly try."

I nodded gratefully. "Thank you."

He smiled at me. "So, since you are from alternate universe, it meant whatever you tell me will not be spoiler. So tell me about your Doctor. I have never regenerated into a woman before. What was I like?"

"Well, you love to talk, I guess you are always like that, huh?"

"Love talking." He said cheekily.

I described my Doctor to him. He gave me an amused smile. "What?"

"Sounded like you fancy her..."

I blushed. "Shut up. She is my best friend, okay."

He grinned.

My stomach choose that moment to protest in hunger much to my embarassment.

He chuckled. "Come on, let's go to the kitchen."

I followed him gratefully. "Doctor, where are your companion?"

His smile vanished. "I wasn't taking anyone currently."

"Ooh." I felt bad for bringing that up because it sure ruined his mood. "I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"For whatever happened to you or your companion."

He look surprised.

"You have that sad eyes, like my Doctor. Before she met me and the fam, she lost someone too."

He smiled sadly. "Yeah that tends to happened." He sighed and then he stared at me. "The fam?"

I shrugged. "It is what she called us."

"Blimey how many companion did she have right now?"

I told him about the fam happily. He was lonely, I can tell. I wonder what happened to his companion. But I know better than to ask that. So all I can do is tell him about my funny adventures to ease his loneliness. We entered the kitchen and he started preparing a light snack and tea for me.

7777

I woke up on the floor...again.

"err, how did you get here?" A young man suddenly waved me for attention.

"W-what? Where am I?" I asked in confusion.

"You are in the Tardis kitchen but how did you get here?"

"Are you the Doctor?"

"No. I'm Rory, my wife and I travel with him." He said. "Are you alright?" He look concerned.

"My head hurts." I said. "Can you get me to the Doctor please?"

He nodded. "Wait here." He quickly left and yelled for Amy and the Doctor.

My head hurts really badly. I felt like I'm about to throw up. I forced myself to stand up and walked out of the kitchen and fell.

7777

"DOCTOOOORR!!" A young woman screamed loudly making me wince. "Hey, are you alright?"

I groaned. "I'm not okay. I think I'm dying..." I said.

"DOCTOOOORRR!!"

I groaned. "Please stop yelling at me. God, I'm in hell..."

"Sorry."

"Clara, what's with all the yelling?" An old man dressed like a magician suddenly appeared.

"Look at her."

"Who is she? Did you invite a stranger without my permission?"

"I did not! I found her in the corridor like that." Clara said with a glare.

He sonic-ed me. "You looked like hell."

"I'm dying..." I said almost petulantly.

"She kept saying that..." Clara said.

"Get her to the medbay."

Contrary to my belief, I was not dying. Apparently I was dehydrated. The Doctor gave me some infusion. I felt so much better now.

The Doctor and the young woman who identified as Clara stared at me curiously as I devoured some food they gave me.

"Right, you want an explanation." I said.

"That would be great, yeah." Clara said.

"Well, what did the Tardis tell you? Am I at least exist here?" I asked.

The Doctor frowned. "How do you mean?"

"The last universe I was in, the Doctor told me that I didn't exist. The one before that apparently never met me. I'm so tired. I just want to go home to my Doctor and my friends." I said tiredly.

"Tell me exactly what happened to you." The Doctor demanded suddenly.

And so I did. Again.

"So, ever since the shot, you have been crossing all over the universe?" Clara asked in awe.

I sighed. "That, or my Doctor is right and this is all just happening in my head. A nightmare of some kind. Though I didn't think so. Even I wouldn't be able to conjure so many detail about the Doctor."

The Doctor told me that the Doctor I met in the beach is his tenth incarnation and that he was the Twelfth one.

"Yeah, I think my Doctor is after this you. She mentioned that she used to be a Scotsman before." I replied.

"Wait, your Doctor is a woman?" Clara asked giddily. "Oh, I have to meet her."

The Doctor gave Clara a look.

"What? I am curious. You as a woman." Clara said with a grin at the Doctor. "Tell me what she look like." She asked me.

"Am I allowed to tell her?" I asked the Doctor. "Am I in the past or...?" I'm almost afraid to ask.

"You are in an alternate universe. And you did exist here." The Doctor said.

I nodded.

"Well? Tell me please." Clara urged me.

I grinned at her and told her what she wanted to know.

The Doctor pretended to be busy with something else but both Clara and I know he is secretly listening. He asked me for some blood sample and I let him. I trust him.

The last words my Doctor left me...trust in the Doctor. So I did.

7777

I woke up alone in the Tardis medbay. I sighed, resigning myself to be in another random place of universe. I wonder where I ended up right now.

I got out of the medbay trying to find the Doctor. For once, I recognized the Tardis interior. My hearts swelled with hope that I am back at home. I walked as fast as I can to the console room hoping to find the Doctor or the fam. I found none.

I got out of the Tardis. I was in some alien planet. Without thinking for my safety, I stepped out of the Tardis. And then I saw her. The Doctor. My Doctor. But does she know me?

The Doctor stood alone, looking so lonely. My heart ached for her.

"Doctor?" I called out.

The Doctor turned around and her eyes widened as she saw me. "(name)? Is it really...you?" she stuttered my name.

I gave her a hesitant smile. "It's me."

She hugged me and she actually burst into tears.

I hugged her back but I was confused. "Doctor, what's wrong?"

She pulled out of the hug and put both of her hands over my face. She smiled sadly. "My (name)..."

I felt uncomfortable. I like her so much. In fact, I could actually admitted that I have a crush on her. But the way she called my name, it's almost like we are lovers which I know we are not.

"I missed you so much." She said with a sob.

I was floored. The Doctor? Doing emotion? Something is wrong with her. "Doctor, where is the fam?"

She sobered up immediately. A dark expression crossed her features.

"What's it?"

"I lost them...to the cyberman."

I blinked. "Jack's warning..."

She nodded sadly.

"What happened?"

"I failed them." She only said that, not wanting to relive the painful memory.

I wanted to cry. I can't believe it. The fam can't be gone. "How long have I been gone?"

She didn't answer. Instead she turned around and walked toward to a bunch of stone. I followed her and I froze when I saw it.

It was my graveyard. The stone has my name carved on it.

I shook my head. "This isn't it. This isn't home." I whispered.

"She said that too." The Doctor said. "You, she died in my arms. She died in pain and she kept screaming that she wanted to go home."

I was shook to the core. Is this my future? Did I just give myself a spoiler?

"I never understand what is happening to her. I tried to make sense of it. It sounded like she was being torn apart from the inside." The Doctor said with a forlorn look.

I shook my head in disbelief. I ran back toward the Tardis. I screamed while I was inside. "Please, please take me back home! I'm done with this! I'm done!!"

The Doctor entered the Tardis. Her eyes looked sad.

I ignored her as I broke down in tears. I bend my knees on the floor and cried.

She also sat beside me and hugged me close.

"What is happening to me? Please fix me, Doctor." I begged her. "Please..."

The Doctor nodded weakly. "I will. Of course, I will."

I stared at her. "Promise me." I demanded. I know I was being cruel. "I want to go back to my Doctor and to my friends."

"I promise."

The Doctor lies. That's what the Master once told me when we met. She won't lie, would she?

I made the mistake to gaze at her and I saw something frightening in her features.

7777

I blinked and froze when I saw Twefth Doctor and Clara again. I was in a different console room again.

They stared at me.

"You are back." Clara said.

My whole body just trembled mixture of fear, shock and relief.

"I just found out I will die a painful death." I blurted as I wipe my tears off with my sleeve.

The Doctor and Clara blinked at me.

"I'm so tired of saying this. But for the love of God, please help me, Doctor." I begged him.

The Doctor stared at me and nodded. "Your blood sample come back. You are indeed dying."

"Doctor!" Clara shouted in warning.

I nodded and laughed harshly. "I figures as much."

"There is something changing your DNA and it made you into a personal time machine. One that seemed to anchor yourself to the Doctor. Any Doctor. Any universes." The Doctor said. "And you are only human, your body can't take it. You are dying a slow death."

I sighed. "I guess the good thing about this is it was me instead of the Doctor." I said softly. If I had not pushed my Doctor out of the way, it would be her in this predicament. The thought of the Doctor dying, I shuddered. The universe will be screwed.

The Doctor looked like he was being slapped. "She would not want that. I, she would not want you to die in her place."

"I didn't want to die either. But..." I stared at Clara. "You would do the same for him, wouldn't you?"

Clara stared at her Doctor solemnly. "In a heartbeat."

The Doctor gazed at Clara.

"Right, okay? Is there a way to at least prolong my life?" I asked them, broke them from their loving gaze.

The Doctor replied without looking at me, "Working on it... Would be easier if you led me to the scientists so I can take a look at their project."

"Right." I tried to wreck my brain to remember what planet the Doctor took me that times. I was at loss.

He rolled his eyes. "Human. Pudding brain."

"Hey!!" Both Clara and I yelled at him.

He grabbed me and told me to put my hands on the Tardis telepathic circuit. He told me to focus on my memory of that planet. So I did.

7777

I was in a middle of a town square. The town sign told me it was Christmas. I groaned. "Now what?"

I heard the unmistakable sound of a sonic screwdriver and a man in bow tie is wielding it at me.

"Hello, there, I'm the Doctor."

"I know. The sonic screwdriver kinda gives you away."

"You know me then?"

I sighed. "This is bullshit. Doctor, I'm a future companion, okay? I traveled with your Thirteenth incarnation. But I might be from another universes. It has been happening a lot lately. And I'm dying apparently."

The Doctor glared at me and let out a harsh chuckle. "Nice one. But I am on my last regeneration and I don't have anymore. So, who are you, really?"

I stared at him disbelief. "You have got to be joking. I don't have a proof, okay? But I wasn't lying."

"Yeah, you are not lying about dying, are you?" The Doctor said as he read the result of his scan from his sonic screwdriver.

I fell silent to that. "Fine." I said. "Don't believe me for all I care. I won't be here long anyway. I probably gonna disappear to another universe, another you again soon." I crossed my arms, well aware that I'm sulking.

He frowned at that. "You are from another universe." He stared at me as he circled me around.

"Oh now you are curious, are you not?" I mocked him in my anger. I shuddered in cold.

He sighed and he pulled his jacket and gave it to me much to my surprise.

I took it and murmured a small thank you.

He took me inside a tower.

"Soo...you believe me?"

"You can't tell a lie here. There is a truth field in this planet. So, yeah, I do believe you." He said as he gave me some hot tea. "So, tell me about what's been happening to you. Sounded like you have a tough day."

"You have no idea. And honestly, I'm tired of having to tell it over and over again to every version of you. I never stick around long enough to get some answers." I said solemnly.

"Tell me anyway." He requested.

And so I did. Again.

7777

I felt dizzy. "Oh great..." I moaned without opening my eyes.

"Found you." Someone suddenly grabbed me from behind and hugged me.

It was the Thirteenth Doctor but from her voice, I could tell immediately she is not the one.

I tried to move away from her but she kept me still. "Doctor?" I called out.

"My (name)..." She whispered and then she put some sort of a collar on me.

I struggled against her but it was futile. "What the hell is this?"

"I found a way to keep you from splintering again." She said as she released me.

I fingered the collar. "This?" I asked as I turned to face her. I noticed she was dressed differently from her usual clothing. Everything about her feels different.

She nodded solemnly.

"Splintering?" I asked.

"Basically you tearing every atom in your body by traveling all over the alternate universe."

"So, as long as I wear this, I can stay here."

She beamed. "Yes. With me."

"But, if you are from my future, wouldn't this be a paradox or something?"

She smiled at me chillingly as she caresses my cheek. "Don't worry your pretty face about it." She said. "There, I keep my promise. I fix you, my dear."

I forced a smile for her despite feeling really uncomfortable and also I can't help that bad feeling nagging in my gut. Instead I said, "But does it have to be a collar?"

She laughed in delight. "Would you prefer a ring instead?"

I blushed at that. "Maybe." I muttered. "Because this collar isn't really me at all."

She smiled at me in fondness. "Then I will work on it for you." She pulled my hand. "Come on, you must be tired and hungry."

I followed her to a room. I didn't recognize it.

"This is my room." She said.

I blinked in surprise and took a look at the room. "It's nice." I said lamely.

She grinned. "Come, sit with me. Tell me all about your adventures."

I stared at her warily but did as requested. She gave me plenty of food and drink and it was all my favorite. I smiled at her.

7777

I must have fallen asleep. I blinked for once realizing I'm still in the same place. The collar did work after all. But the Doctor is nowhere to be found.

I walked out of the room and take a glance at the corridors. I decided to go find some food in the kitchen when I heard voices in the distant followed by some bleeping light on the corridor. Almost like the Tardis is trying to guide me somewhere. So I followed it.

I wish I didn't. I can't believe what I saw. The Doctor. She had a hostage on board of the Tardis. I distinctly recognized the scientist that shot at me. The Doctor is torturing him.

I felt like I was being punched. I was so scared. I wanted to confront her, to demand her for explanation but that bad feeling in the pit of my gut come back full force. I decided not to risk it. I slowly left the place, hoping she didn't notice me.

As soon as I was a safe distance away from the Doctor, I pulled on my collar wanting to rip it free but realized in horror that I couldn't.

"Nooo. This can't be happening. What is happening?" I muttered to myself, shaken in fear.

I touched the wall and hesitantly speak toward the sentient machine. "You purposely show me that. What do you want me to do?"

There is no answer. I felt weak in my knees. I let myself fall to the floor, hugging my knees and cried.

A hologram suddenly appeared before me. It was the hologram of the Thirteenth Doctor but it was wearing the original clothing. It was staring at me in somber.

"Tardis?" I asked.

"Run." It said.

"What?"

The hologram suddenly vanished as the real Doctor suddenly showed up. She was staring at me with a look I can't decipher.

"You should have stay back in my room, (name)." She said solemnly.

"Why did the Tardis tell me to run from you?" I demanded.

She shrugged. "She is just confused. My old girl."

"She is warning me about you." I said.

She rolled her eyes. "Come on, (name), be reasonable."

"Reasonable? I'm not the one who has been torturing people!" I snapped.

I know I did something wrong when a dark expression crossed her feature.

"You saw it, didn't you?" She said in resignation. "Oh, well..." She moved toward me.

I stopped her. "Don't."

"Don't be afraid of me, (name), I would never hurt you."

"You just going to keep me as your pet, is that it?" I asked.

She blinked at that. "I promise I will change that collar into a ring soon."

"This is not about the damn collar!" I yelled.

She didn't look bothered by my outburst.

"Actually, yes, this is about the collar." I recanted as I tried to pulled it off. "Why can't I take it off?" I demanded.

She smiled chillingly. "I have to make sure you will stay with me."

I shook my head in denial. "Who are you? The Doctor I know wouldn't do this to me."

She snorted. "You don't know me that well, (name)."

"You are right. And right now, I don't want to know you."

She look like she was being slapped. She growled at me. "Stand up."

I glared at her. "No. You go away." I said petulantly.

"(name) (last name), do not test me."

"Leave me alone." I said as I closed my eyes, covering both of my ears. "Just leave me alone!"

Silence. And then I felt her hands pulled my hands away from my ears as she put her forehead over mine. And then she whispered, "Never."

I opened my eyes to look at her and stunned at her sorrowful expression. Part of me almost wanting to comfort her.

And then everything went to black.

7777

When I woke up next, I was hoping to be somewhere else. The one time I wish I could leave, I got stuck. I woke up in a room, not the Doctor's room from earlier. I was alone. The Doctor is nowhere to be found. I realized in horror that this particular room does not have a door. I can't tell the way out.

The Doctor never showed her face to me for the next few hours? days? I don't know. At first, I didn't care. I did wonder if she is planning to starve me as she has not given me any sustenance. Strangely enough I did not feel hunger or thirsty. Heck, I didn't even need to go to the bathroom which is probably a good thing as it would be embarrassing if I have to pee or more all over the place. Though it did make me wonder if I was already dead. Why else would I not require sustenance?

There was nothing to do in the room. I was alone with my thoughts. And I was never good at being alone. I refused to let her win though. I know she is punishing me, a silent treatment of sort. For a time, I was fine with it. I thought of my favorite stories, my favorite scene in a movie, a favorite song, anything to get my mind off the loneliness.

"Tardis?" I called out hesitantly. "Can you...talk to me?"

Nothing.

I sighed as I sat on the floor, hugging my knees close. I was bored out of my mind. I started wondering if this will be the end of me.

Eventually the Doctor did visited me but she always appeared out of nowhere. I tried to be vigilant on her next visit in hope I could catch a glimpse of the way out. No such luck.

She gave me some book to read and an ipod containing music. She even brought some flower and put it on a small table.

I was curious about how long I have been here and how it is I remained alive without sustenance for so long.

"This is a time vault. It basically forcing you to stay alive." She explained. "Like the flower I brought in, it won't require water to remain blooming. This place sort of paused your time, I suppose."

"Why am I here?"

"It is for your safety."

"So, this is a prison."

"It doesn't have to be. I just need you to accept your reality."

"And what is my reality, Doctor?"

The Doctor stared at me. "If you have to ask, that's meant you still didn't get it."

My eyes widened as I realized something. "I'm still dying, aren't I?"

The Doctor flinched immediately and I know I was right.

"Even with the collar, I am still dying. It just stopped me from...splintering away." I said as I stared her down.

She didn't reply.

"I was right, wasn't I? That's why I am here in this...Time Vault. You put me...on pause."

She smiled solemnly at me. "500 points for (name)." she said, her joking tone fell flat.

I shook my head. "This is insane. This is all wrong. You have got to let me go."

"If I do, you will die."

"Maybe that's what I want!"

"You didn't mean that."

I didn't reply. I know it's pointless to argue with her, so this time, I'm the one who give her silent treatment.

She sighed and then she left. She left me alone for so long. The next time she come in, I almost felt relieved, craving for any company.

I know she did this on purpose. She wanted to put that Stockholm syndrome thing on me. But I won't let it come to that. It was a time like this that I wish I could actually do some meditation to clear my mind and stuff.

I think I go insane for a bit. I started talking to the shadow created by my slowly deteriorating mind. The books laid scattered on the floor, torn apart. So does the flowers and the vase and the table. I didn't destroy the ipod. Yet.

I started laughing at the song 'Sweet but Psycho'. It reminded me of the situation I'm in for some reason. And then I started crying. Then I threw away the ipod across the room. My emotion is all over the place lately.

The Doctor came in once in a while and she was nice and friendly one minute and shut me down next. I begged her to let me out of this room. I begged and promised I won't run. But she didn't believe me. I hated her so much at that moment and I yelled it at her. She left again.

I screamed and I cried. I demanded the Tardis to talk to me, to help me. But, of course, she didn't respond. Needless to say, I ruined the room again. I know the room will clean up by itself again later on, no matter the damage.

One day, the door suddenly showed itself. I had to blink my eyes a few times to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

"Run."

I heard the word in my mind and I did. I bolted out immediately. I have no idea the surrounding around me but the small light appearing on the corridor guided me somewhere to a another room....where a single hanging rope and a medium chair is waiting for me.

I frowned and then I giggled. I guess I did lose my mind because I walked toward it. I stood on the chair and fingered the rope that is fitting around my neck. I guess this is the only way I can escape. I kicked the chair and almost immediately the breath is knocked out of me as I struggled against the rope. It was painful and it took so long for me to black out completely.

Suddenly an alarm ringing loudly as I was about to black out. I could heard the Doctor screaming at me or the Tardis?

The Doctor pulled me down and laid me on the floor. She was crying. I almost feel sorry for her. She took off the rope and the collar.

Oh. So, that's why the Tardis did this. I suddenly having a realization. I wanted to laugh but I couldn't.

The Doctor pulled some injection and hit it on somewhere on my body and I gasped really loudly and coughed hard. She laughed and cried in relief at the same time. She hugged me tight. "Don't ever do that again, (name)! I can't lose you!" she begged me.

Whatever that injection is, it was a very good drug as I could feel the pain is gone. My hand rubbed the rope burn mark on my neck. I realized if I ever could have any control over the splintering, now would be the good time. As much it pained me to left her behind, I know my presence here is bad for her.

I could feel myself being ripped away right at that moment.

The heartbroken look on the Doctor's face seared forever in my mind.

7777

I stumbled down and someone caught me in their arms. I could see a visible blond hair and my blood ran cold. What if I was still with her? I screamed.

The owner of the blonde hair also screamed, more like in surprise than anything. It was then I realized it wasn't the Doctor.

I pushed the woman away from me and I ran blindly into another person who grabbed me firmly. "Let me go! Just leave me alone!" I screamed.

The man calmed me down. "It's okay. You're okay. You're safe." And somehow, I did calm down some but I was still sobbing.

"Doctor, who is she?" The woman I pushed asked. "She appeared out of nowhere."

"Doctor, I think she is hurt." Another voice said. It was a man. I recognized that voice. It was Jack Harkness, I think. "Look at her neck..."

The man who grabbed me pulled my hair aside and frowned when he saw the rope burn around my neck. "Who did this to you?"

I laughed hysterically. "I did this. I have to get her to take it off." I said. "well, I had help, isn't that right, old girl?" I looked up toward the ceiling

"Take what off?" Jack asked.

"Are you talking to the Tardis?" The Doctor asked in the same time.

"I guess she wouldn't know me, different Tardis, different Doctor." I said. "The Doctor, my Doctor...She has gone insane. I am too, I guess. She wanted to keep me even though I already died." I laughed again. "i'm going to die in pain, she said. I'm scared." I whispered. "The fam is dead too. She said she failed them. She put me on pause." I said and giggled at how ridiculous that sounded.

I know they are probably confused with my incoherent babbling but I really don't care. I told them about the collar and the Time Vault. Their Doctor is probably the only one who can put the pieces together from my rambling.

"Wait, I'm confused, some woman that has the same name as you did this to her?" Rose asked.

Jack's eyes widened as he glanced at the Doctor. He know a bit about Time Lord from his time as a Time agent so he knew about regeneration.

The Doctor nodded at Jack. "She is from the future. My future." He look troubled, probably feeling ill when he realized I'm a future companion and as I babbled on, spoiler that his future-self has gone insane.

I chuckled. "I might not. I could be from alternate universe. That has been happening to me, always alternate universe, always another Doctor. But never the correct Doctor. She said I should trust in the Doctor. I tried. But her future-self is torturing people even if she did it to the person who shot me. I can never go home." I said and I cried, wailing actually.

The Doctor awkwardly trying to comfort me. Of course, he wanted to know the mystery behind me even though I'm sick of telling it to the Doctor. But before I could, I finally recognized the somewhat tingling feeling as I was about to be ripped away once more.

7777

I dropped on my knees and coughed blood. Well, this is new.

"(name)? (name)!" A man rushed toward me. "Are you hurt? Where are you hurt?" He demanded as he check me for injuries.

I looked up to see the Tenth Doctor and he wasn't alone. He recognized me which I'm grateful because I think I'm going to throw up if I have to repeat everything again.

"Doctor, I think she is sick. She is coughing blood. And look at her neck! Is that...? Did someone strangle her with a rope?" The woman fussed over me.

The Doctor introduced me to Martha, a medical student. He pulled up my chin and asked with a very serious manner, "Who did this to you?"

I wanted to answer but I coughed up again and then I fainted.

7777

I was expecting to be pulled into another place but I woke up to the Doctor and Martha fussing over me at the Tardis medbay.

I have a clearer mind now. I guess my nervous breakdown has dissipated now. Plus it seemed I got a good rest from that fainting despite the blood bonus. I coughed up again. When I saw the blood, I chuckled. "So, it's finally happening..."

The Doctor stared at me. "What happened to you?"

"A lot. And frankly, I'm tired. I'm dying, I'm sure you know from the scanning." I said. "I went to the future, my future, and my friends are all dead and the Doctor is insane." I was being brutally blunt now.

Despite my words about his alternate version being insane, he seemed to be taking it well. "How can I help?" The Doctor asked instead as he took one of my hand in a gesture of comfort.

"A cure would be nice. A cure for what did this to me." I said. I told him to investigate their version of the scientist who did this to me. Chances are they would also developing the weapon used to shot me with. Hopefully.

The Doctor agreed with me.

"Tell me your finding when or if we meet again..." I said.

The Doctor and Martha looked at me in confusion.

I smiled weakly and waved goodbye at them as I felt myself being pulled to another place in another time.

A/N2: Ok, it's great if you read this till the end despite how bad this is. Just wanna say thank you for reading. Also thank you for those who follow my blog and has leave likes/comment/reblog on my past stories. I hope you will still stick around for some more painful reading.

#thirteenth doctor x reader #13th doctor x reader #thirteenth doctor imagine #doctor who x reader #doctor who fanfiction #doctor who imagine #dark!doctor #shiefenwrites

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freespiritalyssa · 4 years ago

Text

||F is for Father ||

Summary: Alyssa finally breaks the news to Sam that she’s pregnant. How will he react? (ooc: This is hella late but enjoy!)

Alyssa: could feel the sweat forming on the palms of her hands as she walked up to Sam’s penthouse. She was nauseous and as much as she wished it was from morning sickness, she knew it was because she was nervous. She was pregnant. With her friend’s baby. All because of a stupid few minutes that she instantly regretted. She wished she could take it back. She so badly wished that she listened to that little voice in her head that said that Sam was not it and that sleeping with him would be a huge mistake. But she ignored the red flags and went ahead anyways. The baby wasn’t the only thing she regretted. She felt like hadn’t seen Sam in weeks and as awkward as it was for them, they were still friends despite everything. He’d helped her when she was at her lowest and she had barely spoken to him since their hook up. Alyssa sighed and rang the doorbell, making sure to not look too pregnant, whatever that meant. She’d gained some weight, mostly in her boobs but thankfully she could hide her growing stomach with layers.

Sam: was on the couch facetiming with Presley, going over some last finishing touches of the designs that they were going to put in their new art gallery in Florida. “Alright Pres.. I’m gonna let you go...But let me know when Debbie gets back with you about those documents.” he said, earning a salute from his friend before he ended the call. “Nerd” he chuckled, placing his phone down as the doorbell rang throughout his condo. “Anni-” he caught himself before finishing saying her name. “Right I gave her the week off..” he sighed, getting off the couch to jog to the door. He thought maybe Marley was stopping by unexpectedly again, so he didn’t even bother to see who it was. He opened the door with a smile, only to freeze when he saw Alyssa standing at the door. “u-Uh.. Hey..” he said awkwardly. Don’t get Sam wrong he was happy to see her, just a little surprised especially after everything that has happened. He stood there for a second before realizing he had been staring at her a little too long. “I- mean.. Come in..” he said, standing back to give her room.

Alyssa: felt her heartbeat pick up in the worst way as she walked into Sam's house. This was it. She was telling him that she was pregnant with his baby. Come hell or high water, she was going to do it. She hated to admit that Santana was right but she owed it to Sam to tell him about the baby. Even if she didn't want to keep it. She cleared her throat as she walked in, self consciously holding her bag in front of her and turned around to face him. "Did I catch you at a bad time?"

Sam: shook his head no as he held the door so it wouldn’t close on her. “No not all.. I-I just got done with a meeting with Pres.” he said softly. As awkward as he felt, he was really happy to see her, “What brings you by? I didn’t really expect to see you..” he said, rolling his eyes at his comment “Not that I don’t want to see.. Because I do.. You’re my friend. I mean why wouldn’t I not want to see my friend.. It’s just..” he trailed off taking a deep breath, telling himself to relax. “Sorry.. You know me.. I-I don’t do well in awkward situations.” he chuckled lightly.

Alyssa: blinked a few times as Sam rambled on and held up a hand to stop him. "Relax, you're giving me a headache," she said, inhaling slowly. "Um, can we sit? There's kinda something I need to talk to you about."

Sam: was starting to see that Alyssa wasn’t here for them to catch up just from the way she was talking to him. “Oh okay.. Yeah! Let's go into the living room.” he said softly, walking toward the couches, so they could sit down. He sat on the couch across from her, rubbing his hands together nervously. “Is everything okay?”

Alyssa: took a seat on the couch across from Sam and took a deep breath. She could do this. Nothing about her choices would change. She didn't want to be a mother and if Sam wanted this baby, he could have it. She just needed to tell him that there was a baby to be had. "So... um... remember New Years?" She closed her eyes, wishing that she'd started this differently. "Look I just want you to know this doesn't have to change either of our lives and while some options have been taken away because of time, we have other options. And I'm not asking for your help in any way but really it would eat me alive if I didn't tell you and-" she stopped herself, realizing that it was her turn to ramble. "Sam, I'm pregnant.... I'm really pregnant. And it's yours," she swallowed.

Sam: watched her closely seeing that was having a hard time trying to get out whatever it was that she wanted to tell him. He was gonna give her some encouraging words but the minute she mentioned New years. He quickly tensed up, not knowing exactly what to say. He just kept telling himself that she was here to let him have it about what happened. And honestly she had every right to be annoyed with him. That night should have never happened and he felt bad for how it made her feel. “Yeah...I’m really sorry Lyssie.. I-I never wanted you to feel the way that I made you feel. You mean a lot to me…” he said softly as she continued to speak. He was trying to keep her from exploding or at least he assumed she was about to. “I know you hate me..” he ranted, not really paying attention to what she was saying. He just wanted her to know how sorry he was. “Bu-” he was about to say until he heard the last thing she would ever say to him. He sat back in shock looking at her as if she had sucker-punched him. “W-What?” he whispered, feeling his heart beating out of his chest. “Pregnant?” he said more to himself to help him process the reality of what was going on.

Alyssa: nodded. "Yeah... look I'll admit I avoided you for a while because that night just did not go as planned and was a huge mistake but then I started feeling weird and I took a few tests and it confirmed." She brushed a piece of hair out of her face. "I um... I tried to terminate the pregnancy but um my doctor said it was too late. I'm almost 5 months at this point um..." She tried to take a calming breath but as it came out, she burst into tears, cupping her face as she did. "This wasn't supposed to happen like this and I know you must be so upset with me but I swear I didn't want this. I don't want this," she sniffled. "I just thought you should know that there's this thing we made and ugh... I feel so stupid." She stood up, grabbing her bag. "I'm sorry I came in here and just ruined your life. If you never wanna speak to me again, that's fine too. Just know I won't hurt this baby. I might not want it but I won't hurt it."

Sam: wanted to yell at himself for letting this happen, in his mind he couldn’t be a father. He didn’t think he would make a good one whatsoever. All he kept thinking about was how messed up the kid would be if it had him for a father. He told himself that no matter what he wasn’t going to become a father. And as fate would have it, here he was being told that he got his best friend pregnant. He sat there silently as Alyssa explained why she had been avoiding him. And if he was honest he understood her reasoning for it. Especially wanting to get rid of it. They both have talked about how neither one of them wanted to be a parent. Sam was so wrapped up in his head that he didn’t notice that Alyssa was crying until he heard her sobs. He instantly thought about what Alyssa must be going through. This was something that he helped create. And even though she was obviously scared. Here she was telling him that he had every right to be mad at her. “Lyssie no..” he tried as she grabbed her stuff. He quickly got up, grabbing her arms. “Hey… Hey..” he said, making her look at him. “Please.. Calm down… I-I’m not mad at you.. If anything. I owe you an apology. I’m sure I’m the last person you wanted a baby with..” he sighed, gently grabbing her stuff out of her hand to place them back on the table. “Please know you didn’t ruin my life Lyssie..” he said honestly.

Alyssa: shook her head and sniffled loudly. "I wasn't supposed to have a baby with anyone. Not yet anyways. I had a plan and then this just blew it up," she cried. She knew that he was saying these things to console her but the more he tried the more awful she felt. "Sam just stop. I know this is going to ruin everything. I mean I'm not supposed to be the mother of your kid... and you're finally happy and this thing ruins it all."

Sam: understood what she meant. She wanted this with the person she was going to marry and he hated that things would play out the way she wanted them to. She deserved to be happy with the person she wanted to be with. “I’m so sorry… I really am.. I-” he sighed as he thought went to Marley. He would be lying if he wasn’t thinking about what was gonna happen now since him and Marley. But he wasn’t going to let her raise this baby by herself. Even though this didn't have plans in life. He wasn’t going to just act as if he doesn’t have a kid coming into this world. “Lyssie… I-I can’t just let you go and act as if this isn’t my child… I know I didn’t want to be a father.. But I’m not gonna turn my back on you or the baby.” he said softly, realizing that no matter what he said or how supportive he was. It was clear that Alyssa didn’t want this baby. He heard her when she said the doctor told her that she couldn’t abort the child. So the only option was adoption. “Lyssie?! We can raise this child... Nothing has to change... And if Marley can’t understand what’s going to happen... Then.. it wasn’t meant to be..” he said reaching over to wipe her tears away. “But.. I can see in your eyes you don’t want this child..” he said sadly. Even though Sam was scared shitless and he really didn’t know what the hell he was going to do. He knew he couldn’t just walk away, even if he wanted to. “And that’s okay.. BUt I-I can’t let you put it up for an adoption Lyssie..”

Alyssa: stared at her friend and shook her head at his blind optimism. He always looked on the brighter side, no matter how horrible or dire the situation seemed. "Sam, I have no desire to be a mother. I don't want this baby so I'm planning on looking into adoption. I'm nowhere near the right headspace to do this." She sighed, her decision made. "Sam I told you this because I owe it to you but I have no plans to raise a kid. If that's what you want, fine, but you have another 4 months to decide." She dried her eyes and reached for her bag, pulling out a business card with a date on it. "This is my doctor. Um... she said at my next check up, you should come and we can find out the gender."

Sam: felt sad that Alyssa didn’t want anything to do with the child and as much as he wanted to try his best to talk her into being okay with the idea. He didn’t want to push her too hard, the last thing he wanted to do was to stress her out even more than she obviously was. He took a shaky breath and nodded his head when she told him that he could raise the child if he wanted to. “I-I want to..” he said honestly without giving it another thought. He had four months to prepare himself and his family for the changes that were about to happen. Sam gently grabbed the card out of her hand, not realizing that he was smiling when she mentioned that he would be able to find out what they would be having. “Okay.. I’ll be there..”

Alyssa: knew that she probably looked like a horrible person but she hadn't lied. She was going to do everything she could to protect this baby until it was born and then it wouldn't be her problem anymore. She hadn't quite wrapped her mind around what it would look like for her friend to raise a child that was half hers but she had no plans to think about that. In fact, her only plan was to have this baby and move far away so that she wasn't reminded of this huge mistake that she made. "Thanks," she grabbed her bag and went to walk to the door but paused, turning to face her friend one last time. "For what it's worth Sam, I know that you'll be a good dad."

Sam: nodded his head when Alyssa told him that he would be a good dad, “That means a lot..” he smiled sadly, as he watched her leave. He let out a long sigh while he sat down on the couch, looking down at the card that Alyssa had given him. “I’m gonna be a father,” he said, still in total shock. He had told himself that he would never have kids, just because he was scared of what kind of parent he would end up being. But yet as fate would have it. He was having a kid, and even though he was scared out of his mind, and had NO idea how he was going to tell his friends or family...let alone Marley. He knew no matter what happens, he was gonna make sure that he was gonna do his best to be the best friend he could be. He just hoped that maybe as the time gets closer Alyssa would come around and want to be a part of the baby's life as well. “Please let her change her mind...” he sighed softly.

#para: F is for father #dyfam rp

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