#only valid reaction in that situation I'm afraid

[yandere-sins]

Hiii, Could you write Satan kidnapping MC because they're his favorite writer? I had this idea recently and it looked promising. Maybe MC is so talented that people compare their books and Simeon's books.

Thanks for your request! It’s very fitting for Satan :3

»»————-———— ♡ ————————-««

"How's it coming along?"

Satan's voice tore you out of your daydream—a nice one, of a world far, far away—and you twisted around to see him come through the door, setting down his bag before returning your gaze and smiling. You didn't hear him come in, nor noticed how fast the time passed since he left, but immediately you felt uneasy again. "Not so good," you muttered, turning back to you laptop and biting your lip, now overly aware of his footsteps creaking over the floorboards.

"Let me see," he asked. Leaning over your shoulder, Satan gently nudged your hand off the mouse to scroll up your manuscript to read what you had added over the span of the last few hours. There were fewer new pages than he expected as he scrolled too far the first time, and you only slumped more on your chair, too afraid to admit your failure.

"Hm... I'm not sure. It's just lacking the certain something, you know what I mean?" he finally commented as he reached the blank half of the last page you wrote before sighing, shaking his head. "Didn't you say you wanted me out of the room for peace and quiet? I thought that would help you."

Fiddling with your thumb, you kept silent for a while as his body continued to weigh down on you. It was his impatient threat to say something, to make him understand your views. But how could you? In his eyes, you may very well not have been human, but you two would never see eye to eye regardless of how he viewed you. "I tried..." you eventually muttered, looking down and hanging your shoulders.

"I don't really feel motivated... A-And I'm hungry! I can't work like this! It's blocking my inspiration to be in this room, I haven't been outside in a week!"

Pushing back your chair, Satan moved out of the way just in time to dodge it ramming into him. A part of you felt bad for almost hurting him, but it was the part that hadn't understood yet what kind of situation you two were in.

He was the demon that lured you into a trap by promising to be your patron, and you were the dumb human who didn't think twice before agreeing. Nowhere on the contract did it say you'd have to spend your time in his home, in front of his scrutinizing eyes, but you had been naive and gullible, all too happy to sign without reading the fine print.

Stumbling back, you felt the adrenaline rush as you opposed him for the first time since he had brought you here. It was your fault, you knew that. You had enough sleepless nights to reflect on your mistakes. But Satan could not make you his puppet, no matter how much he wanted you to. It's not how the creative writing process worked! With so many restrictions he put on you, it was impossible to create anything—no matter how much he loved your creations.

As you watched his hand rise into the air, you heard a tsk escape from his lips, and you looked away, squeezing your eyes shut and bracing for impact. You've seen his anger, witnessed his rage. It had never been directed at you, but with your mind running wild all day—just not with ideas for your new book—you were sure it was time for him to lash out at you.

Instead, you felt the gentle warmth that his palm emitted as he cupped your cheek, and your eyes blinked open in confused astonishment. "I'm sorry," he said, his expression full of concern and shame. For a moment, you almost forgot he wasn't human; his reaction felt so validating and real. As if he truly recognized how he wronged you.

"You said you wanted some alone time and I thought it would be best to give you what you wanted. But you are right. I should have taken your needs into consideration."

Satan spoke these words so earnestly, not a hint of a lie in his voice. It felt surreal to hear these words, knowing he had kidnapped you in the first place. "No, I'm sorry, I..." you started before catching yourself. Why were you apologizing? Wasn't it his fault you flew off the handle? It had been Satan who had tricked you, so why were you feeling bad all of a sudden?

"No, you are right. I can't keep you cooped up here all day, even though I long to see your new story. It was selfish of me when we were supposed to be partners in this, so forgive me."

Dropping his hand from the gentle caressed to your face, Satan held it out to you. You couldn't help but be hesitant and unsure. What did he want? Would he hurt you if you accepted the invitation?

"Please let me make it up to you," he explained, sincerity in his eyes as he stood there, waiting for you to agree. It all felt so unreal, but the paranoia made you unsure how to act. You had already imagined all kinds of scenarios, from the horror ones to some that made you blush. Being a writer, your anxiety didn't give you a clear sign of what to do, and after being stuck in an unfamiliar, dark place for more than a week, barely surviving on the food and water you had been given, and even less on the few hours of sleep every day, it was a surprise you could even come up with more scenarios in your head.

"You're not mad?" you asked hesitantly, eyeing his hand with suspicion. You already knew the palm would be warm, his long fingers perfect for wrapping around your hand, and his touch soft and gentle. After being deprived of social interactions, it was a tempting offer.

Satan shook his head, sadness rushing to his features again. "No, I'm worried and ashamed I let it come so far. I will make it up to you. I'll show you the beauty of this world and take you to experience unforgettable things. I didn't ask to be your patron so you'd live out the rest of your life like a caged animal. I want to support you, even if I have failed until now. Will you give me the chance to right my wrongs?"

Even though you felt nervous about making this decision, Satan had said all the right things. Everything you had wanted to hear from him, assuring you that you had also been heard by him. When he first approached you for this partnership, you had been unsure as well; deal with the devil and all. But he had seemed so sincere back then, too. So convinced in your skills and talents, sweeping you right off your feet. The same was happening now, although if he meant what he said, then his intentions were still pure.

Slowly, you placed your hand into his, choosing to trust him once more. After all, he had approached you for this deal. Surely if it was this important to him, he'd not mess it up again, right? Satan beamed when you gave him your answer, nodding once in confirmation as his hand wrapped around yours.

"Let's go then!" he announced, and before you could ask where to, he had pulled you after him, opening the door and bathing you in the warm, beautiful sun, leaving the darkness behind.

»»————-———— ♡ ————————-««

"You good?" Satan asked, patting down the blanket around your shoulders. You nodded, swallowing down some of the soothing tea in your hands before smiling.

"I think I can do it now!"

A gentle smile played around his lips as he chuckled, excited after hearing your enthusiastic reply. "Then I'll be over there, reading. Call out if you need anything."

It had been the right choice to trust him. All this time, you had been fearful and wary when, actually, he was a good guy. People would think you'd gone mad, hearing you talk like this about a demon this way, but they didn't know Satan. Some demons truly were good people, perhaps better than most humans you knew.

After that little argument in the afternoon, he had done his best to give you back the freedom you craved. He took you to a nice beach town, where you two played in the sand next to the ocean, took a long walk and talked, and ate delicious food from many different vendors. Had you two not been in a professional relationship, one could have almost called it a date.

But that wasn't important. Important was that when he asked if you wanted to continue this partnership, you agreed. On the condition this time that he wouldn't restrict you as much again and listen to you, to which Satan willingly shook hands. You went back with him to his domain with fewer worries, less stress, and actually feeling inspired to sit down and write. And once you cozied up with a blanket and some tea, you were happy to fulfill your side of the contract—at least until you were too sleepy to continue.

Glancing back over your shoulder, you saw Satan lounging in his armchair, his own steaming cup of tea on a side table as he read his book. He noticed your gaze, meeting it with a smile and a slight wave and you returned the gesture before looking onto the empty page of your manuscript again, getting ready to throw yourself into the story. You could do it! You knew that now. You had all the support that you needed, and Satan had become more of a friend than the captor you had originally thought him to be!

All you ever wanted was to write, and now, it was your time to shine.

All thanks to Satan's help.

»»————-———— ♡ ————————-««

Humans were easily frazzled, weren't they?

Vulnerable, fearful creatures. And yet, he couldn't help but fall for you the moment he read the first sentence of your book. Satan remembered that he thought, "Wow, they get it," as he dove into a story filled with passion for the obscure, something that couldn't have been from a mind as fragile as a human.

But it was, and so he found you.

And you were everything he wanted you to be.

So for a moment, he panicked when he saw you distraught. For a moment, he could feel the feeble connection of your pact waver, threatening to tear as the contract he made the first time had been rushed and haphazardly. He knew better now than to be careless around you. You, who had the power to make and break him, turn him into an obedient puppy to your whims, even though he was the scariest dog your world had ever seen. If he wanted to keep you, he had to rethink his plan, better it, and put a leash so tight on you that you'd be unable to escape his grip.

Inevitably, he fixed the problems easily, building trust that you should have never allowed to form between you two. Satan relished in the sight of your turned back, your fingers tapping away merrily on the keyboard of the laptop he got for you. Don't get him wrong, he adored your works, loved the obscure, wild ideas that you put into words so lovely that they touched his ruthless soul.

But it was you he wanted. You he loved.

That's why he decided to be patient. Even with the itch in his fingers to pin you to the ground, the burning on his lips to capture yours so frevently you'd forget yourself. The inescapable pull you had on his whole body as if you were the demon binding his soul to yours, and that annoying part of his mind that wanted nothing more than to rip it out so you may have it.

Satan couldn't let you know all these things he wanted to do with you, the way he'd have you captured in his arms until you stopped thrashing. It wasn't enough for Satan to have captured you, he wanted more. He wanted to still his anger with the softness of your body in his hold, soothe the rage inside him with the sound of your voice. Know that every word you'd write, you'd do for him. It made him anything but angry—greedy, gluttonous, prideful. He could act like the main character in your book all you needed, but it wouldn't change the fact he was the villain at the end of your story.

But he had already captured your body, soothed your distrust, and soon, he'd have that new creation you'd only write for him and him alone. Thus was the new contract he made you sign. A contract you accepted much too easily after he showed you the illusion of freedom you were craving. As if there had ever been a choice for you.

You were a simple soul, even if your mind was brilliant. He could read you like a book, the way your body shuddered against his touch as you dreamed of him—dreams he planted in your head for you to nourish with your ideas. And Satan could play this game for a long, long time, dragging it out until you'd accept his love willingly, seek it out like he had sought after you. Even if it would take forever, he'd practice the illusion of patience.

All so he could have you for all eternity.

[flightfoot]

Ur a pretty fair voice in my opinion when it comes to the whole mess in miraculous. Would you mind telling me what your favorite things are about Marinettes appreciation of Chat Noir in Canon? Not fanon, CANON.

I'm still grieving LadyNoir and recently I'm feelin very down in life in general and now I don't have my comfort show and ship anymore the way I used to love them for.

The way Marinette treats Chat Noir in and outta her transformation never stops hurting my poor broken LadyNoir heart n as much as I wished I could love the potential of her love for him as I once did, it just feels so paper thin and shallow to me now after everythin this show did.

The show is clearly trying to have her feelings for him be smth now, but for me it never seems to go beyond her infamous vague heart eyes the show likes to hav her throw around for damage control & surface level appreciation of his presence when she has to. But if you'd tell me that she still has no real feelings for him, I would believe u, cause he as a person doesn't truly matter at any given moment her words have to MEAN something more than a vague "<3" she's never asked to back up with anything worthwhile (srry, I know you've heard that complaint a million times before. It's at least comforting to know that others feel the same)

Wasn even her taking any interest in Chat for his person in the first quarter of season 5 only caused by Marinette wantin to proof Alya wrong and that her love for him instead of Adrien is real and valid? That's so disheartening...

Going through the tags isnt helping either, cuz most i find it is either much more fanon than Canon, or it's in line with Chat prrty much being her servant now instead of her finally giving care back

Idk, I hope I'm not bein too much of a downer. So imma get back to my question now. Maybe u can help me see Canon in better light again.

Could you tell me what you like most bout Marinettes and Ladybug's connection with Chat Noir? Things she does for him, what she values in him and so on and so forth?

I like the times we see her getting upset when Chat's hurt, or when she comforts him when he's clearly not feeling good. I adored how angry and upset she got in Timebreaker when Chat was "killed" in front of her for the first time, how she suddenly became more vicious. She doesn't want to lose him.

Or like, for times when she's comforted Chat, I adore how calmly and patiently she spoke to Chat in Reverser, after his courage was taken away, how she gently coaxed him where he needed to go. I took great solace in that, the first time I rewatched that episode, since I'd been exposed to a lot of Saltinette at the time, and I needed the reminder that Marinette does, in fact, care about people, even when it's inconvenient.

While I wish that Marinette had really thought through Chat's potential reaction to someone new showing up with her Miraculous without warning, I DID love that Marinette had this long list of protips. I especially liked this one:

Marinette: (v.o) Protip 33: When Cat Noir tells a joke, try to laugh at it even if it isn't funny. It makes him happy.

Even in episodes where I have a problem with the way Marinette conceives of Chat Noir, I generally still like elements of it. Like even in Ephemeral, while I think it was very, very wrong for her to try to trick Chat the way she did, she WAS doing it because she didn't want to risk Su-Han taking Chat's Miraculous from him. Or in Kuro Neko, when she didn't want to give the miraculous back to Plagg to give to Chat Noir, because she was afraid they'd end up back in this same situation, and she didn't want to keep hurting him.

At her core, Marinette cares about Chat's feelings and wants him to feel good, to be happy. The issue comes from her not seeing things from his perspective, from being terrible at reading him. Marinette has a lot of compassion towards Chat Noir, she just doesn't understand him.

[restinslices]

Could u write earthrealm guys with a vampire reader? And like sometimes she feeds on them 👀

*asks for vampire requests* *proceeds to procrastinate*

Johnny Cage 

Honestly it'd probably take him awhile to grasp how serious the situation is 

It's not that he wouldn't believe you, but he'd probably think you're joking at first 

Says something like “yeah and I'm a werewolf”

You insist that you're serious and something about the tone of your voice makes him realize you're being truthful 

He saw that crazy shit in Outworld so it's not completely unreasonable 

He's kinda jealous though 

You're gonna be young and hot forever? And you have powers? Sounds like bullshit to him 

He probably asks questions that have to do with your age and how long you've been alive 

I think he would weirdly find you drinking from him kinda hot, especially depending on when and where you drink from him 

Drinking from him shuts him up for awhile since he's all dazed, so it'd be understandable if you drank from him a lot 

I don't even think he'd cover up the marks. He treats him as if they're hickies 

He's probably told the other champions too because his mouth is big 

And knowing Johnny, he's thinking of all the movies you could be in since people love vampires 

Also knowing Johnny, if you can compel people, he'd use that for his benefit 

If all you have to do is say a couple words and his debt is forgiven, then he's definitely using that 

He sees how many pros there are and asks to be turned 

The thing is though, he's only looking at the pros

You have to continuously remind him of the cons but it goes in one ear and out the other 

He will not let it go at all. You don't have to turn him right away, but if you don't give him a specific date for when he'd be turned, he'd become insufferable 

Becomes Bella Swan lowkey-

Kenshi Takahashi

Probably also thinks you're joking 

Once it's clear you're not though, y'all can lowkey be a power couple 

Imagine it for a second 

You both cutting through the Yakuza and restoring his clan 

You being a vampire makes it a lot easier. He's fighting, you're eating. It's going great 

He's not too bothered by the whole vampire thing. There's a few quirks that may throw him off, but overall it's ok 

When it comes to feeding off him, uhhhh… he's a bit shaky about it 

I think that's a valid reaction too

You'd ask and he'd be like “um… do you have to?”

He'd occasionally offer you his wrist 

Otherwise he'd prefer if you didn't unless it's necessary 

Why do I get this vibe? I couldn't tell you 

I don't even think he'd really want to be a vampire 

It's not that he doesn't wanna be one. He just doesn't think about it 

He could be tempted if you said his eyes would heal and he'd have his normal vision back but that could depend on the day 

His sight is already restored but pretending to be blind may get annoying. Who knows

I still don’t understand how his sight works now. I gotta rewatch a play through

Being a vampire has its main perk which is living forever but idk if he’d want that. I can see Kenshi being someone who is both afraid of death but also is comforted by all life having a solid ending

Maybe his thoughts will change

I really don't think he'd be too bothered by you being a vampire though. Just don't make a mess on his carpet 

I think you having the ability to defend yourself would weirdly comfort him 

Not having to watch over you and make sure you're ok all the time is something he'd appreciate 

You're literally eating the opponents. This seems like a great deal 

Kung Lao

I wanna start this off by saying Kung Lao is the type of petty bitch to get mad at you and hold garlic to keep you away 

And he'll be in such shock if you walk over and slap it out his hand

You'll just be staring at each other in silence 

Kung Lao probably tests all sort of vampire myths on you 

“Get out the house then try and come back in” “Why?” “You can't come in if I don't invite you, right?” “This is our house though” “I don't get your point”

Prays over water then throws it at you 

Idek if Kung Lao is religious so idk why he thought that would work 

“Can I stake you through the heart?” “I'm gonna throw you out the window”

Puts a mirror in front of your face to see if you have a reflection. He’s upset either way

If you do, he’s like “wow. Another lie”

If you don’t he’s wondering how you manage to look decent still

It honestly can become obnoxious and I think he'd have the tendency to act as if he knows more about vampires than you 

Because surely all the movies he watched had to be somewhat right 

If you’re like a Twilight vampire and sparkle, he’s never letting you live it down

You can’t control this but he would find it comical. Out of all the vampires you’re similar to Edward Cullen?

When it comes to drinking from him, uhhh I don't really get a certain vibe 

Idk if he'd be down or against it. Maybe it depends on the day 

On the topic of feeding, I don't think he'd like seeing you eat people 

He knows it happens but doesn't wanna see you chomping on someone. It makes his skin crawl 

Overall, is he kinda obnoxious? Yeah. But he could've tried to kill you so a win is a win ig

As a side note, idk if he'd be interested in becoming a vampire 

It’s a thing he gotta weigh. On one hand he’d be in his best shape for the rest of his life. On the other hand he doesn’t wanna deal with all the inconveniences

Raiden

He might be somewhat uncomfortable 

He doesn't think you'll harm him but he probably doesn't want you to eat others in front of him 

What evidence do I have for this? None. 

It's just what makes sense in my brain 

He asks a lot of questions though. A lot of them are cliche based but that's ok 

“So… Garlic?” “It smells funny but that's about it”

I could see him forgetting honestly. He won't be really involved when it comes to feeding. Like he won't help lure people or be around you when you're feeding from someone and since he doesn't see that, it just slips his mind 

Especially if you're one of those vampires that look normal until you're aggravated or feeding 

He's only reminded by almost killing you. He pulls the curtains back on a very sunny day and is like “oh shit” when you scream 

When it comes to feeding from him… no❤

Idk why but I just don't think he'd be down unless you were dying 

He doesn't like how it hurts and how dazed he feels after. Find someone else to do it 

And it’s kinda awkward. He’s just standing there as you’re sipping him like a juice box

Probably isn't really interested in becoming a vampire 

Him and Liu Kang are probably the least interested but for different reasons 

Raiden just doesn't particularly care about the whole living forever thing. Maybe that's because he's young so he's not worried about dying but that's just how he views it 

I think him and Kung Lao are the youngest in the group so they probably have the “I’m young so I’m not worried about anything!” mindset

Can he be killed still? Yeah. But so can vampires. It’s just harder. He’s at an age where he’s not thinking about old age

Plus the negative side effects push him away even further. I don't see him as the type to be totally ok with having to drink blood all the time and look out for hunters 

You can be a vampire and not hurt innocent people but it’s harder I would assume. And if he didn’t drink from humans he’d be hunting down animals and idk if he’d really like biting animals either

There’s blood bags but now he gotta be a thief? It’s a no for right now

Liu Kang

He knew 

I'm not saying Liu Kang watches every single person born intensely but he probably saw it 

Here's how it'd go;

A) He saw you be turned when he was watching humanity 

B) He picked up on the evidence 

C) You were a vampire in the previous timeline and either he didn't change it, or he knew there was a chance it'd happen again 

If the situation was like C, then he wouldn't really be weirded out by certain vampire things, like feeding

He'd be similar to Raiden in the sense that he's not the type to help lure people towards you 

Your food. Your responsibility 

As long as you're not feeding from totally innocent people, then I think he wouldn't have a problem 

If you were drinking from kids or a civilian that's super nice and helpful, then he'd have a problem 

He might suggest animals ngl 

Feeding from him? It's another situation where I don't know if he'd be for or against that 

He probably won't be as dazed as the others since he's a god and whatnot but who is tryna get bit all the time?

In the same breath though, I can see him offering his wrist if you were thirsty and there wasn't good prey around 

So maybe it depends on circumstances 

No if there’s plenty of options around. Yes if it’s a bit dry around

Like Kenshi, he's glad you have the power to defend yourself. Chaos, violence and smoke follows this man so you gotta be a fighter 

He doesn't know how he feels about you eating the competition but whatever 

And don't even bother offering to turn him. He's already a god. What more does he need?

It'd be way more negative for him. He has strength, powers and combat skills. Now he has the need for blood, has to avoid sunlight and whatever other bullshit vampires gotta deal with?

Hard pass 

He'll just watch and live through you 

[trans-leek-cookie]

its past midnight and time to yap about Mouthwashing. Anyway obviously we don't see the Specific Events only how the characters react but with Anya... Okay I'm going to talk about the Sexual Assault not with Specific Details but that's what the post is about so

Anyways she reads to me as very like... trying to downplay the severity to herself. Like thinking through it (not having the exact quotes but) I feel like it'd be an unfortunately natural reaction- if you were stuck with 4 guys and the guy with the second highest position on the ship assaulted you depending on the situation. I feel like its not hard to imagine you'd try and reframe it as Less Bad to cope because let me be honest if I had to confront the implications of that, mainly the fact he could do it again and I wouldn't have any real way of dealing with it without complicating things even further bc he doesn't just have a close relationship with the guy with the Most Power on the ship, he also is in charge of keeping Me and The Other People On The Ship Safe, i would be in deep denial just to not lose my god damn mind like thats so fucking scary. And then the implication you tried to talk to the captain and even if he wasn't cruel he didn't Understand the Severity of what you were suggesting is like. Besides feeling afraid it could genuinely really fuck with my own perception bc like "if this guy who I trust says he's not a bad person maybe I'm just overreacting?" is. Again unfortunately understandable.

And again I'll say that Anya fully breaks down when the news breaks that pony express is fucked and like. 1. I think that's related to her own finances (and also. Literally just realized the way an abortion could interact badly with "no savings" like I Just Processed that fact. Like I knew "oh if she couldn't abort having to support a child wouldn't just be traumatic but also fucking nightmarish finance wise" but even having an abortion could make things so much harder.) 2. Jimmy LASHES OUT at Curly OPENLY. again based on my interpretation of Mildly In Denial To Cope this would. Like. Really fuck with that because it goes from "I trust the captain and I don't want to be afraid of my crewmate for a year" to "oh he is willing to verbally abuse the captain, who is his friend" and realizing I wasn't overreacting.

I also wanna point to the dead pixel conversation and obv it's symbolic but idk if it's meant as "there's a dead pixel that Anya noticed and she's using the topic to like test the waters" or if it's "anya is literally just trying to figure out Curly's thought process" which isn't like super important but like. Focusing on the way she starts the conversation by saying that she "Likes the illusion the screen has". (I don't remember the exact words sorry) But that's really interesting to me bc obviously you can read into Curly not seeing the dead pixel and instead focusing on the bigger picture (and how the dead pixel "doesn't ruin the illusion") but I think it's really interesting that Anya starts by talking Positively about the screen even though the dead pixel is there (and she can't stop thinking about it)

Like thinking through implications option 1: she's talking about the screen and uses the dead pixel to get a feel for how Curly responds to her bringing up issues

2: she's being entirely metaphorical and still trying to sort of self soothe- seeking external validation that the dead pixel Isn't Actually That Big A Deal (and therefore she's just overthinking)

3: idk how to phrase this exactly but ppl have talked Abt the way she talks to Jimmy, how it indicates a sort of "Fawn" response where she tries to keep him calm with compliments and stuff, and her talking about "enjoying the illusion" is her trying to do something similar with Curly- essentially starting the metaphor by downplaying the issue

Anyway. I don't know if I have a full conclusion but another thing is I think ppl need to acknowledge that while Curly fucked up and harmed Anya (mainly thru inaction). He's not uniquely shitty. Most people will be in a situation where they act similarly, and that DOES NOT JUSTIFY HIS ACTIONS. I AM NOT SAYING CURLY IS ANY BETTER. I am saying that you need to be able to recognize your capacity for harm thru inaction and understand that like. He's not uniquely terrible he's just Normal Levels Of Unhelpful, which in a situation like Anya's is Dangerous

Like. Basically you can say "fuck jimmy fuck curly" all you want but you need to be able to understand that everyone including yourself has the same capacity for harm

[kdinjenzen]

I've been asking around to trans friends for advice, so I thought I'd perhaps I could pick your brain too:

My (newly realized) brother wants to transition, but is afraid of backlash from the family. I'm the only person who knows. He's been masc presenting forever anywhos, but much of my family is willfully ignorant of anything transgender, so it'll likely be a huge deal. I don't think medical treatment is going to be a thing (horribly afraid of needles).

What are some things we can do to help him inch closer to being comfy with himself? Any advice about family? I know this is all subjective, but I'm looking for anything.

That being said, I also understand if you're not comfortable answering. Thanks regardless, and have a lovely day!

So let’s start with the easy stuff first:

I am also super afraid of needles, which is why I take estrogen orally instead of with shots.

Similarly there are alternatives for testosterone as well! Including gel or a transdermal patch!

So if HRT is something your brother wants (totally valid if not, doesn’t make him any less of a man in any way 💙) there are a multitude of options available to him.

Now the harder part…

So coming out for me was an absolute nightmare, I lost a lot of people, was treated pretty horribly, both professionally and personally.

Among these things was the last remaining shreds of “blood relatives” and I cutting ties - later I would find out that the person was not actually my biological father but that’s like… anecdotal at this point because at the time I didn’t know that - and it was rough because our relationship had been rocky forever and got worse after I ran away and continued to be strained until it exploded.

I don’t know your family nor the depths of your or your brother’s situation, even if explained to me I cannot know fully what either of you will be feeling truly. So it’s very much up to your brother (with your support) to make decisions based on his needs.

I can, however, say that a lot of folks have come to me more than not saying that they “were surprised to find their family, while not fully understanding, definitively supportive” - and that’s been happening more lately.

All I can give advice on here is “test the waters” by having conversations about (made up) friends saying they are trans recently and seeing family reaction to that. When confronted with something like that, it’s fairly often that someone will share their opinions with a knee jerk reaction - be they good, bad, or just curious.

My final bit of advice is, regardless of anything, continue to support your brother and talk to him about it and ask what he needs from you as a sibling going through this. Help him find safe spaces and try to be a safe space for him, very much that will be met with reciprocity in the event you need his support.

Honestly, that’s all I have. But I can safely say I wish I had a sibling that was willing to ask and look for advice and help like you are for him right now when I was growing up. So keep doing what you’re doing and being a good sibling. 💙

[lucifersincentivetosleep]

I've been speed running the events on Lonely Devil on my side account for the past two days and while not all of them are great or sometimes even very fun I've found them to usually just be a good way to pass the time or get in a little serotonin after the mayhem that was ch 10-12 of Nightbringer.

AND THEN I GOT TO THE ANGELIC EVENT

Salty incoherent rant thoughts below, dni if you're just going to get mad at me for disliking this event. Thank

Now look, look;

I don't hate the idea of them dressing up as angels and acting more like they did as angels, I've seen them like that in the main story and it was fine.

This was not that.

I came in expecting a good time and instead I got a whole lot of very distressed and scared demons who had their autonomy taken from them while a gift from someone they trusted and cared for forcibly changed their mental state to the point they were actually not themselves anymore.

And I really didn't like a lot of the dialogue choices given. All of these boys are my best friends, hell they're like little brothers to me. So when I didn't really get the option to comfort them and validate their feelings I got rightfully upset. I'm immensely glad there wasn't any option to get romantic with them, though the way they were acting kinda implied they wouldn't have gone along with it anyway. Edit: there are actually options that allow you to get varying levels of romantic with everyone except Lucifer(I know he tries to flirt with us while testing how much of an effect the bangle has on him but honestly that was very unromantic to me because of how quickly it became uncomfortable for him)and I'm not sure how to feel about that since all the boys that allow it are in altered mental states. Being able to kiss Asmo felt very uncomfy to me(and not because I'm only romantically inclined toward Lucifer).

Honestly I feel like the most sincere interaction I had with any of them was when I had the one on one talk with Lucifer, and I'm not just saying that because he's my husband.

You don't get to show me a Mammon so distressed with his situation that he'd try to cut off his clothes with a scissors, and a Levi so scared he literally tells us he's shaking in fear and then only give me the option to be a right bastard or be insensitive with good intentions. And Satan. Listen, you know a situation is fucked up when someone tells you they're afraid to be calm. Beel and Asmo were honestly the only ones who didn't seem too bothered and Belphie was... he seemed the least distressed by the bangles affects once they'd activated but before then he was angry. And yet the game expects me to just be perfectly fine going along with the party preparations while my chosen family is distressed and under a spell that should honestly be called a curse.

Sure.

I'm also not happy with Dia or Simeon but I'm not going to get into my feelings around that because this event made me mad enough already so I don't want to start any discourse around how mind altering bangles are absolutely a political situation that you can't just laugh off.

I will however say that this event is a really good look at just how different angel's are from what we usually see in Luke and Simeon, though that honestly just made me even less enthused.

Doesn't help the event ended while everyone was still under the spell's effect, so yeah, not an event I liked.

Replaying this so I could make my list accurate for all the boy's interactions hasn't changed how I feel about the event, but I did find out that choosing options that just go along with everything like none of it's bothering mc at all gets you more positive reactions the more the boys are under the affects of the bangles. They're justifiably upset with MC acting like none of this is an issue before the bangles take affect though, which I appreciate but choosing those options means you don't see how the boys actually feel(Levi doesn't admit to being terrified, for instance)which I have conflicting feelings about.

[4pm-bangtan]

Adding onto this sorta since it's technically psychology:

Agoraphobia is NOT the fear of going outside. It's the fear of being in a situation where help isn't readily available.

Simple Google searches to prove this (you can also see the correct definition in any highschool level psychology book):

I think people confuse the symptoms with root. For example: I get extremely anxious trying new foods because I have allergies. Therefore, I am anxious trying out new restaurants.

It's a cause and effect kind of scenario but that doesn't necessarily make you "afraid of public spaces".

Another example:

Cause: I have fear of having an allergic reaction and no one being able to help me.

Effect: I used to never go out unless someone I trust came along with me.

Yes, one the surface this may seem like I'm uncomfortable going outside, but it's stems from an actual root. And of course anxiety itself can be the root, not everything has an explanation. I just think people boil agoraphobia down to being "shy" and "afraid of judgement" that may come from outside.

When I reality, it's the fear of something happening and there's no help or way to "escape".

Other causes of agoraphobia may include:

Fear of public violence/shootings

Fear of pandemics/germaphobia/getting sick

Fear that you may run into someone you're avoiding

Fear of being kidnapped/trafficked

Fear of locking yourself out your house

Etcetera etcetera.

As stated before there can be tons of numerous and valid causes of agoraphobia.

I think the fear of public spaces is one, but that doesn't make up agoraphobia as a whole. That's just a common symptom.

Other symptoms can include panic attacks, hyperventilating, carrying excess supplies "just in case", hoarding and more.

Most people with agoraphobia develop habits to prevent this fear of being unprepared and vulnerable. It's probably very common that most people with agoraphobia have OCD but don't quote me on that (it's just a guess).

Anyways I think every reason for having the fear is valid but just know it can be /very/debilitating. As mentioned before, I had a big fear of eating certain foods (still do) due to my allergies. I wasn't eating anything, even stopped eating foods I'd already been accustomed to, and ended up at the ER because I was scared over nothing essentially.

I'm not saying this to make it a competition, I just think that a lot of people who say they're agoraphobic are actually just socially anxious or shy. Which is valid, I just also think it's important to use the correct terminology.

Edit: remember it's normal to be afraid of things not going as planned of being in a situation you can't get of. I would, however, only say you're agoraphobic if it's chronic and affects you everyday.

In relation, just because you're havynood swings, doesn't make you bipolar. Just because you're currently anxious, it doesn't mean you have an anxiety disorder. Just cause you can't focus well/have a short attention span or you hyperfixate on something, it doesn't mean you have ADHD or Autism. Disorders and diagnosises are for people who face that everyday chronically and it heavily impacts them. Of course it could mean something, I'm not discouraging anyone from getting professional help, I just think be conscious of what terminology you use.

A lot of pop psychology gets thrown around and since I already have a headache, here's preventing you lot from making it worse.

Love-bombing: A manipulation tactic of increasing affection and grand gestures before or after doing something abusive, specifically to weasel one's way out of consequences.

What it is not: A streak of affection and generosity towards friends/loved ones.

Trauma-bonding: Knowingly traumatizing someone to take advantage of their vulnerable state, to then act like the "hero" or the one who cheers them up.

What it is not: Bonding over similar traumas.

Gaslighting: *Knowingly* convincing someone they cannot trust their own perception of a situation in pursuit of one's own narrative.

What it is not: Misaligned perception of events.

Narcissist: Someone afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a traumagenic cluster B disorder, that struggles with self-obsession, paranoia, craving validity from the public, delusions of grandeur, and social disconnection.

It is not: Your rubbish ex that cheated on you.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

-Xanthe

[alienaiver]

Hi Nohr, I hope I'm not being rude for asking but I read you have ARFID? What is it like for you? I think I may have it but Im afraid of 'self diagnosing' and being judged 😖

hiii sweetheart! ✨ youre not being rude at all, im very open about my issues and stuff, so ill be happy to talk to u about it !! (if u also wanna rant or open up abt ur situation more privately u can go off anon (if ur comfortable) and ill reply privately or thru dm's <3)

and yep, ive had arfid my entire life. its been different things that have been safe foods at different periods of my life !!

im putting the rest under a read more bcos i go into detail of my current restricted diet and stuff, so if that triggers anyone, they wont be forced to see it !! its also just a bit long lmao

rn its Very bad and the only things i can get thru my mouth is crushed corn flakes, gummy bears, a specific ice cream and on/off cucumbers. like ive eaten nothing else since sunday and very little of either. anything else i try makes me gag, nauseous or can even give me meltdowns if forced to eat. im dizzy all the time rn and very frustrated about it 🙂‍↕️ its also sooo embarrassing because like ??? my dude those safe foods are literally candy? and im afraid i seem like i just do it to eat candy but its not and i feel so ashamed 😭

i AM hungry tho; i feel the hunger and the low blood sugar, so i try to eat, get clammy and/or triggered and then thats that. cant try again until ive regulated back to a calm state of mind and feel ready to try again.

i also react strongly to my roomie's food/the smell. i have to go into another room if they eat anything with a strong scent, or sit in the opposite end of the living room. luckily, theyre VERY understanding of it so they dont get offended!!!

as i said im going thru a kind of extreme phase right now, but in my usual day-to-day life theres still tons of food i can eat. when im stressed, have my period, big decisions or other life crisis my food selection instantly limits themselves.

but like normally i have at least 10-12 different safe food meals, besides my 2-3 comfort foods and am usually more willing to try new stuff and comfortable exploring new things.

my current arfid flare-up started during early summer where i started repeating the same three meals (like last year when i lived off of onigiri and ramen) ill go to great lengths to prepare and make the food that is safe but as soon as its unsafe, i dont go thru the trouble anymore; thats usually my first warning sign. i repeat few meals and feel safe eating less and less varieties.

for me its not about calories or weight restrictions; its 100% sensory input. im not afraid of having adverse reactions like allergies, i just physically LOATHE the food in my mouth, it grows as i chew it and it instantly triggers my gag reflex.

theres little else to do about it but go thru it as best as i am able, drink lots of water and then supplement with shakes of fruit and protein powder. usually my arfid is a symptom of distress, which means i have to fix the underlying issue before it goes back to normal.

you should never fear self-diagnosing in any capacity, because the only thing an 'official' diagnosis is important for is a) treatment accessibility and b) inner understanding and comfort in knowing youre not alone. in a lot of countries, assessments like these cost so much with no insurance, so theres no shame in learning and figuring out yourself.

even if you end up not 'qualifying' for an arfid diagnosis, it does nOT take away your issues around food or the validity in your search for solutions !!!!

i wish no one would get judged for any 'quirky' eating habits but i think its something - depending on what youre able to eat - you may need to face daily or weekly. i have a very understanding circle of people around me, and ive been struggling with eating since i was a kid, so many people in my circle are also just. used to it. they worry and in the past theyve tried to force me to eat by taking me to restaurants that didnt have my safe foods to entice me to eat differently which is ALWAYS humiliating (they dont do it anymore). theyve since learned that taking it into consideration is way easier for everyone, and will make for a more positive experience if they want me included in the eating part of anything social.

a way to handle it is to practice how to respond to judgy comments, and figuring out what you want to get out of those. are you interested in educating them about arfid and why it is hard for you? maybe learn and remember some facts or offer some sources to send that they can read, and that youre happy to explain your experiences (if you are). maybe youre just looking to appease the situation and make your eating a non-topic? then shut it down 'nicely' with a smile and a laugh like 'yea, i definitelt am picky ahaha'. it can feel a bit like shooting yourself down choosing that road, but if its people u know you dont want to have the discussion with/will make it uncomfortable or youre just not that interested in opening up to them, you can shut it down like that. for me, practicing a few formulated replies in case anyone comments on it, have made it way less anxiety inducing for me to join in social gatherings and feel less blindsided !! (and if i have to go out to eat somewhere new i check the menu online beforehand!)

my twin has pretty hardcore arfid too and when we were kids, a little worse than me, so in some aspects ive never really been alone with my issues or felt completely ashamed because she was going through the same thing, which in my case, was lucky. i wasnt the odd one out or the weird kid (we were the weird twins tho lmao but we had each other !!!) but im sure finding community in facebook groups or even here (with me or others) can also really help on the shame around being so picky. let me know if you have any more questions or wanna talk about ur experiences, im genuinely genuinely always up for a chat and here for anyone who needs it !!! 🥰🧡

[klassickdei]

#06 - she laughs a lot but never stays happy.

hi. welcome back again. it’s been a while since I wrote an update.

maybe some of you want to ask me “where the hell you've been?”. It’s 3:18 am and I decided to get my shxt together and sit down to write an update. I hope y'all are doing okay just checking in on you.

If I were asked to go back to the past and live again, just like I've lived so far, I don't have the confidence to live the same way. these days, unexpected things keep happening… everything is unfamiliar and I'm not good at it the misfortune keeps catching on, and difficulties that I can't bear keep coming to me… since I'm an adult, of course, I want to overcome it bravely. but, now, I'm a little tired, too. I'm having a hard time. nobody thinks they should save me, 'cause I’m doing well. I don’t let it show, but I’ve been through some shxt.

are things sometimes tough for you, too? but, in life you gotta find your flow, you gotta get your attempts out things aren't just going to click it's gonna take a while, trial and error.

it will take time and you will doubt yourself a lot. most of your battles will be fought internally, but it will get you closer to where you want to be.

there are actions you can take to release yourself from emotional pain or self-centeredness, but most of those actions have an element of focusing on yourself before you start focusing on others. I don't think it's wrong to choose ourselves first, but society does think that it's wrong.

for example, maintaining a healthy lifestyle requires effort and discipline, and so does dealing with the consequences of poor health. whenever I'm dealing with a tough situation, I always remind myself that I always have a choice. most people are rushing to make a choice, without realizing what any of it means. It scares me to think that most of us have no idea what we're doing, and simply doing the best we can with what we have. It's terrifying to imagine that no one has all of the answers and that it is ultimately up to me to make my path.

I have a million thoughts in my head, I am repeating the same questions over and over. it feels like this pain will be forever and there is nothing ahead of me but darkness. feel like I might not make it through. a part of me is questioning if it's even worth making it through. but I know I've been through this before, and I can do this again. I'll get through it. I'll get over it. and I trust that I'll be fine.

I never think about how much time has passed. we are blessed with all this time, but not all of us are lucky enough to utilize it.

a part of being an adult … living with regret and not allowing it to consume you. every day you have to remind yourself to be kind and forgiving of yourself. you accept and love yourself from the past and understand that it's all a part of the process. then you live your best life, knowing now as old as you feel today, you'll never be this young again.

however, I hope someday you find a safe person. a safe person that you can call a safe place where what you feel is valid, where you can be understood, a safe person where you can tell when you're happy, not only when you're sad. a safe person who asks you "how was your day?". because we need a safe person with whom we can open up and tell our story freely. having someone who is excited to talk with you is the best feeling.

I'm forever grateful to the people who checked on me when I just hinted that I was not okay. one sentence that I always remember:

"be sad but get up"

that sentence encouraged me a lot. I'm the type of person who might have gained strength by just hearing those words.

despite the hard parts that happen, there are parts that I am really grateful for. but the problem is I have no one to celebrate with. I'm too afraid about people’s reactions. because something that I think is "big", may not be "big" according to other people. it's hurts when you feel excited about something but the other person doesn't give you the same vibe. what I learned is, your experiences shape you into the person you are today. be proud of yourself even with the smallest progress you've made so far, even if you don’t have someone to celebrate with, you have yourself, and yourself is always enough.

when people leave your side one by one, I hope all the writings in here are the light that helps you to shine again. I'm trying my best to update regularly, but it's not easy. still, I hope y'all always looking forward to it. last but not least, "you have survived every single thing you thought you wouldn't". always remember that.

not sure if I can give any recommendations… but there you go k-dramas: 1. my sweet mobster (놀아주는 여자), 2. miss night and day (낮과 밤이 다른 그녀) songs: 1. Maki – dilaw (yellow), 2. Halsey – Without Me, 3. 데이식스 (DAY6) - 놓아 놓아 놓아 (Letting Go)

that’s all for today. thanks for tuning in, don’t forget to drink your water and I hope many good things happen to you!

until next time. 07.2024 from ra.

[magical-oppas]

I need to shoutout my friends real quick.

Trigger warning: Deals with death of a family member, putting the story under the cut.

So recently my grandfather (My mothers father, I hate that you have to clarify in english) passed away. Without giving you guys my whole life story on tumblr lets just say that my relationship with my mothers side of the family is complicated to say the least. So you can imagine that his passing messed me up mentally and emotionally. Now, what I found interesting was how my friends reacted, they are all very different people with different upbringings and you could just see that shine through in how they dealt with me but it was all so helpful to me.

Friend 1: He grew up in the classic family unit. Both parents still married, he has 2 other brothers. His father is a Very Manly Man and raised his sons as such. In short, this boy is very afraid of emotions.

This boy was terrified of me for two whole weeks. He avoided calling me and texted me as little as possible. How did he let me know he was there for me then? He just BOMBARDED me with tiktoks. They were funny ones, bizarre ones, controversial ones, brain dead ones etc etc. Every time I looked at my phone I would have tiktok notifications from him. This genuinely helped though! It gave my brain a break from everything going on and gave me a chuckle every time.

Friend 2: The oldest in my friend group. He is also the eldest sibling in his family. Grew up in a very Swedish and a very affluent neighborhood with a not so complicated family so basically had the opposite childhood from me.

He immediately knew that this would be super rough for me but also knew that he couldn't relate. Asked if he should call and took my no very well. Didn't contact me until I contacted him because he knew he wouldn't understand what I was going through so didn't try to insert himself and I appreciated that SO much. When we eventually did speak he listened but never judged or inserted any opinions, just listened and comforted.

Friend 3: The youngest of my friends. A very sensitive boy who really appreciates open and honest communications because he would hate to accidentally hurt someone. His love language is words of affirmation so it makes perfect sense.

He left me messages every day. Reminding me that I was loved, that I was important and that any emotion that I was feeling was valid because there was no "correct" way to mourn. He let me know that he would keep his phone on him at all times and I could call him day and night, even if it was just to talk shit about Formula 1. And most importantly, he told me that there was no pressure to respond to him. The messages was for me to read and feel good, not to have a conversation with him and that detail just took all of the burden off of me.

Friend 4: The only other girl in my friend group and the one I have the most similar upbringing to (not just economically but also in the sense of complicated family relations) so she understood exactly what was going on.

Knew that I wouldn't want her to call me but told me to call her if I wanted to yell. Encouraged me to have my angry rant with her so my mother wouldn't have to hear it. Told me that crying is ok, even if I didn't like him much when he was alive. Told me my sadness and anger could co-exist. She offered the honesty about the situation sucking ass but that I had no choice but to deal with it and it really helped me find the strength to help my mother.

I just find it so lovely that my friends supported me in so many different ways but they all helped me. Every single one of these reactions is somehow what I needed. They got me out of that dark hole as a team.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you never know just how much you can help someone. I needed the random tiktoks just as much as the opportunity to rant and cry. So just try your best<3

[anthropophagusthebeast]

I'm afraid I'm addicted to typing. Normally when I want to vent about something I just write it down in a little book, illegibly because involvement in the cathartic action of writing is more important than the ability to reread it later which I will never do. Reviewing the content is not the point, the act of engaging with the subject is the point. But I love typing, I think it activates something in my brain that isn't exactly the same as when I'm writing with a pen. And maybe when I'm trying to understand something, not just vent it out, seeing the typewritten words could be more helpful.

I'm not quite awake yet but I am annoyed enough to try to do this anyway. I want to write about my favorite blogger briefly following and then unfollowing me. The rejection itself is not that interesting, everybody has a right and we don't really know each other after all. But the event caused me to review what it is about her that I react to so strongly, like what is the meaning of that kind of person to me, what do my projections consist of; maybe they say something useful about me that I can find out by examining this event. I expressed this to my friend Phil and I think he came at me with his own projections, which naturally did not mean that much to me. His first reaction was to try to convince me that she probably unfollowed me by accident; I agree that this is possible, but it's way beside the point and actually I think it would be bad for me to try to tell myself some story about how this basic stranger didn't really mean to reject me and maybe they still like me. I'm pretty sure that has nothing to do with anything and would just encourage me to continue my obsession with this person, and I'm trying to say that the nature of my obsession is what's in question here. His other reaction was to try to convince me that actually she's probably not that cool in real life and some of the stuff she writes about is probably made up; it seemed like the aim of this was to make me feel better by framing her as inferior, which is also beside the point and I think not healthy, since the thing I'm trying to acknowledge to myself is that I really don't know her at all, the only thing that really holds meaning for me is the construct of her that I have created in my mind according to my own tastes and interests. Like maybe she is secretly boring and uncool but I'll never know, so this is completely irrelevant to me.

I think Phil has some basic, consistent level of skepticism, like he often talks about how people aren't really who they say they are, there's always some ruse going on and it's better to assume that people and things are secretly fake and fundamentally disappointing. That's not such a crazy thing to think, but it has nothing to do with my situation. I think he's just trying to comfort me by saying "maybe it was an accident" and "maybe she secretly sucks and you're better than her" or something, but I don't really want that kind of comfort, actually I don't want comfort at all, I don't need it in this case. I don't need to be coddled, I need to understand myself. And I'm getting the same kind of thing from my therapist; I try to tell her about something that puzzles me, that I think deserves analysis, and she immediately starts bombarding me with stuff about how I'm Good and Valid and I Deserve nice things and I'm OK Just the Way I Am. Which is definitely not a question I am asking, and I find myself abandoning subjects that I wanted to talk about because there's only so many times I can say Yes, I agree, I am Good and Valid, actually I wasn't questioning this, I'm just trying to discuss something that happened to me so I can understand it and integrate whatever the lesson was. So far I haven't been able to do that. We hit this wall where she just tries to make me have better self-esteem, and then we move on to another topic in minutes. I feel like I can't talk about anything for more than a couple of minutes because of this pattern.

God I miss my second therapist. I was so stupid to lose that time slot. But also I wasn't ready to say a lot of things out loud then, things I really need to say out loud before it's too late (I find myself thinking).

But at present I find myself motivated to really dig into the subject that I was turned away from by self-esteem talk. If I can't talk about it with my therapist or my friends, then I just have to talk about it with myself. And also I feel like if I can squeeze a lot of meaning out of this on my own, then I can come back to my therapist and say See, this is what I was trying to get at, it's actually really meaningful to me and it's not helpful for me to be turned away from a topic with simplistic talk of self-love.

It bothered me that when I was trying to talk about the abuse history in my mother's family and how it affected me and my worldview, my therapist basically stopped me to insist that the most important thing is that I am Good and Valid, and it doesn't really matter why someone did something to me as long as I understand that it was Bad of them. And on some level I get it, she was concerned that I was analyzing my mother's behavior with the goal of justifying it. But that's not what was going on, and I really do need to understand my mother's behavior so I can decode the messages she was delivering. When you understand the inner workings of something, it can have less power over you. And the exact nature of my mother's behavior does have an effect on me that isn't just making me feel bad about myself, the cure for which is making me feel good about myself. For instance, a very big thing for my mother--and her mother, importantly--was that having negative feelings like anger, fear, and sadness is a burdensome, antisocial thing that makes you a bad person. Even though I do not believe that at all consciously, and in fact I have devoted my life to understanding so-called negative feelings (an important fact about me that is obviously a reaction to the family problem! WORTH KNOWING ISN'T IT), it definitely affects my life because it's so deep in my DNA. My husband, who I love, is very reactive to small setbacks--I think this comes from his mother fwiw, like she wants everything to stay in this virginal state and she's easily traumatized by anything that's unexpected or even mildly disappointing--and because of how my mother treated me and her mother treated her, I get anxious about that right away. I immediately start thinking Toughen up, you're being a drag, stop being so sensitive, that's just negative! Even though he has a right to his feelings and they are no threat to me at all and I ALSO react strongly to certain small setbacks. My mother's toxic positivity mandate makes it hard for me to deal with situations that really aren't situations at all. I need to understand that so I can see what I'm doing and try to get better.

--and that stuff also reminds me of how, because of my abusive ex, I start to get scared every single time someone near me acts annoyed or frustrated. I get nervous and I try to fix something that doesn't need fixing, or else I just shut down completely until the tension has passed. So the problem with my ex is not just that he made me feel like a Bad Person and I just need to be reminded that I am a Good Person. The problem is that he trained me to feel and act in a way that is bad for me, to have unnecessary reactions that are draining for me, and this interferes with my emotional stability and my relationships. And the problem is not solved by someone simply reminding me that I'm a Good Person. I already know that consciously. I won't stop having problems until I decode the meaning of what happened to me.

The best definition of traumatic experience that I ever heard was that it's something that you cannot understand, and that you also cannot stop from happening. If I could just say to myself "I don't need to understand the bad thing that happened, all I need to know is that I'm Good and I Like Myself," then it wouldn't be trauma. That's ok for mild slights from people who aren't important to you, rejections from schools or jobs, or stuff like not being good at sports. It's all good, you can be good at other things, other people will like you, you know you tried your best and that's what's important. Just deciding that something terrible and persistent that happened to you doesn't matter because you agree that it was bad...I mean if that were a real thing, therapy wouldn't exist. We could all just tell each other, and ourselves, that our Feelings are important and we are Good and Valid. And we would be all better.

The reason that the blogger unfollowing me mattered to me wasn't really about the rejection. I mean of course nobody likes to be rejected but that's not that big of a deal to me; I don't like to be where I'm not wanted, when you're not wanted it usually means there's nothing good for you there even if the place seems glamorous to you, I have more important things to do and think about than wonder why specific people don't like me. The reason the unfollowing gets my attention is that it made me very aware of what kind of fantasy I was having about that specific individual. It wasn't a fantasy about friendship--which I actually don't think would work between us, we have extremely different attention spans and social metabolisms and I don't really see us enjoying each other's company in real life. The fantasy is about identity, about being a specific kind of person. It's about a kind of person I have always admired and aspired to be, and which is really far out of my reach for the most part. I have always been drawn to people and characters (important word here, I don't know her as a real person) who have her qualities. I'm frustrated that I can't see myself as such a person, I'm annoyed with the parts of myself that prevent me from leading such a life. An analysis of such a character would probably say a lot about me and my values.

She grew up in a Skinner Box type of environment, having been conceived by two people who agreed to a kind of avant garde child-raising experiment (approximate quote). Her father encouraged her to make herself attractive (she got a nose job at some point, and is currently struggling with anorexia), though it seems she is naturally extremely attractive, over six feet tall with a beautiful face and high metabolism and low interest in food generally. It seems that she was partially home schooled with a focus on advanced mathematics. I don't know if this was aimed more at business success or just superior intelligence, but the result was that she is both shockingly bright and sort of insane, deeply autistic and low-empathy with difficulty connecting to others, which sometimes makes her sadly vulnerable to bad faith actors. She grew up as an isolated, chronically online femcel, and eventually discovered her extraordinary power over men. She is a hypergamous dominatrix with an elaborately perverse sex life involving a harem of desperately devoted, rich business boys. She circulates in a world most of us will never experience and can hardly imagine, of cutting edge fashion and technology, and extreme privilege, where sociopathic brutes mix with big-picture visionaries. She is fascinated by the moral ambiguity of this world and tormented by her participation in it, constantly kicking its tires and testing its boundaries, and experimenting with her role there. I know these things because she is certainly the best writer on the platform, a genuinely talented writer in any case who I hope writes a book I can read some day.

So the things she has that I envy are:

A fascinating backstory*

Extraordinary talent at mathematics and technology.

Beauty, but a specific kind of fetishistic, stylized, cyberpunk beauty that I personally prefer. a) Leanness. I have the unfortunate prejudice that a lean "close to the bone" appearance correlates with intelligence, cunning, an intellect-heavy personality.*

Despite her tech concentration, a real artistic facility shown in her writing.

An outrageous, creatively fetishistic sex life--and more generally, the power and expressive ability conferred by her beauty.^

...I *think* that's probably it, simplistically. Other notes:

^ I have always enjoyed people with outrageous sex lives, I envy their drive toward the extremes of experience, I think this is a very good quality and a philosophically rich one. But the reality is that I probably wouldn't do that stuff even if I were attractive enough to participate. Even if I were that hot, I just like so few people and I don't want anyone to touch me except for a very, very few. I would never be able to get hypergamy going and I probably wouldn't enjoy it even if I had my choice of partners.

* I am fascinated by these things about her even though I know they are painful for her. They are undeniably interesting in a literary way, but I wouldn't want them for myself. I had enough trouble with my neurotic parents without the pain of being raised in an abusive cult environment, even though that is a "cool story". I wouldn't want to suffer the pain of anorexia. Just like anybody else I like the idea of being universally attractive and giving people fits of despair with my beauty and style and sexual potential, but I don't enjoy putting up with obsessed creeps and frankly I'm always a little afraid someone from her harem is going to try to kill her.

...essentially it is very important for me to acknowledge that some of the same things that make me feel jealous are things that are not good for her and that she wishes would somehow stop. If I suffered the way she does and I knew other people coveted the very things that make my life hard, I'd be pissed and disgusted.

But again, I don't know her, she doesn't know me, and in a way I'm not even talking about a real person. I'm just describing my construct of a person, based on the stimuli that are out there.

So then the qualities I lack, in contrast to her and in people and characters who I perceive to be like her, are:

Fitness. She's actually pretty weak due to inactivity and anorexia, but I imagine being tall and lean and athletic and how good that would make me feel. It feels like that appearance would reflect my "real personality". Instead I'm short and fat and puffy and jowly, and I hate it. I do love food, to me it's almost kind of a macho, survivalist thing, a dominance thing, to be able to eat and even enjoy anything. But the real thing is just my metabolism and my genes. The fact that I look exactly like my grandmother is really painful to me, someone who scared me and made me feel terribly guilty for not being able to love her and whose values are the reason my mother kind of hated me and wouldn't even bother discussing anything with me. It's true that I lack discipline, which is something else I hate about myself, like theoretically I COULD get a gym membership and go every day and put myself on a strict diet, forever. But the science says that that might make me healthier in some ways, but it will never turn me into the tall, slim, wiry stereotype of sharpness and efficiency that I so admire. I'm fucked in that department. And I'm afraid I'm too old to do it too, like weight loss won't result in anything other than gross, sagging, dangling wads of flesh hanging off my bones. There's no point in trying to be the person I wish I were.

I lack exactly the forms of intelligence I admire. I'm sick of hearing about how there are different kinds of intelligence, maybe I have emotional intelligence or creative intelligence or something, like who fucking cares honestly. I love people who understand space and mechanics, who can build, cook, sew, code, design. I love love love when people are great at math, it's the language of the universe! But I'm extremely clumsy and I can't seem to even learn anything practical, even if I try as hard as I can. I'm too stupid to understand how anything works and it makes it so I'm totally dependent on other people to do things for me, which I think is pretty disgusting. I'm just not a productive, independent adult and it seems like I can't even learn to be one in the way that I want. And like this is a matter of values. Being pretty is not a value of mine and I do have to grapple with that. But understanding your world and how to contribute to it productively IS a value. Asking me to be proud of my "emotional intelligence" or whatever and not have any feelings about the fact that I can't do anything I consider meaningful is asking me to go against my own values. And I don't like the persistent suggestion that your values are only important as long as they contribute to your self-love, the cult of self-esteem always wants you to approve of things you normally find objectionable only when it comes to yourself, and it's this double standard that I cannot abide.

I'd love to be a sexual dynamo and this one is painful because on some level I had that potential, but being screamed at and cheated on and publicly humiliated and passed over all the time by men who said insane things like that they wanted to marry me, made it so I can't have those feelings anymore. I don't belong in that world. It's other people who have hot, obsessive sex, not me. People only have sex with me when they can't have what they actually want, some dark goddess who controls their minds and causes them to wreck their ships. I know I'm good in bed and that I have been the best lay each of my serious boyfriends ever had; one of those guys could have had anyone, and one of them actually did his best to have everyone he could, so this was statistically significant. But after being treated like garbage, being treated like someone who was actually lower than whatever my partner could find in the gutter, it was like oh OK, I guess I just don't belong in the world of adult relationships. I guess anyone who ever fucks me is going to be settling for me and the most dignified thing I can do is feel a little sorry for them while we soldier on dejectedly together. And I guess I better not ever have those intense, direct feelings I used to have, because they were all wrong. And even if the person you want doesn't wish they had someone else specific, they will always wish they could just fuck someone more fuckable. Who wouldn't want that, who could possibly help wanting it. I always thought I had the potential for that compelling sex goddess thing, and for a time I seemed to with certain people, but ultimately I think everyone thinks they secretly have that potential just the way everyone secretly thinks they could win in a fight if they somehow got into one. It's pathetic. It's fucking comical actually. It's better to give up your whole idea of being sexy before you embarrass yourself, unless you really are in that top 8-10 grade of woman. Men think that men are human, and women are an attractive kind of human-adjacent thing, so if you are not a man and you're not attractive, then you're not even human. It's the way things are.

I guess I wish I had an interesting reason for being the way I am. She has such a fascinating life story, maybe I would find more purpose if I had a narrative behind me like that. Actually that's the exact reason the NXIVM story about my mom was so interesting to me, it made me feel as if there were somehow a powerful reason for the way I am, other than that I'm just kind of a deranged failure with no purpose in life. I also wish I had the social access to go to crazy raves and secret experimental events and shit. As it is, even if I could get to them, what would I have to say to anyone there? It feels like my brain is only good for sitting on the fucking couch watching the same movie over and over again and figuring out something to say about it that I forgot I already said the last time I watched it.

I'm running out of steam now, maybe I will have more to say later. Hopefully I've at least gotten some ways toward explaining to the imaginary version of my therapist that there is definitely some valuable significance to examining my attachment to the idea of this person, and not everything can be usefully boiled down to saying "Anything that makes you feel bad or anxious or confused doesn't matter because the only thing that matters is liking yourself." Bleh.

[phyyyyysics]

I think this is already a glaring red flag to me.

1...Couldn't use that as an excuse to be horrible to Crowley...

The first issue I have with this is the fact that this person had already fused with Crowley's perspective (though I doubt Crowley's perspective is this cold), or at least the viewpoint of some sort of rapid fans of Crowley that anything done to him (visible or invisible) was seen as an attack. And since Crowley was their favorite character, anyone shouldn't be horrible to him. As for Aziraphale, who is an equally lovable and complicated character had been dumped down to being only a plot device to tease out plots or emotions out of Crowley.

Aziraphale shouldn't have his own character agency and emotion is what this person meant. Which is wrong in every aspect. Even though this is only fiction, if to project that to real life means that this person deemed anyone being horrible to them or anyone they love is always wrong. However, new flash, not everything is about them. Another, is this person always right? And should this person be forcing other to be nice to them always? And real life is not always sunshiney and bubbly. Bad things do happens. Understanding and sympathy are what we really need, not aggression and hatred.

2. And the "little miss religious trauma as an excuse" bit

Not sure about the religious trauma part since I am not really familiar with this term, but I'm sure as hell sure that Aziraphale has trauma. And to see him feeling torn between his beliefs which was drilled into his whole being and what he thought he have to do each time is already painful. This person still thought that Aziraphale is always in the wrong, that his own pain and trauma isn't valid enough to warrant any reactions in high stress situations, that his grief or experiences aren't enough to be on the same level of Crowley's. As if Aziraphale voluntarily walked into abuse, then become traumatized knowingly. As if he deliberately hurt Crowley just for the fun of it or other plot reasons.

We can actually see that while Crowley is hurt by Aziraphale, Aziraphale is also very grief-stricken. Crowley and Aziraphale aren't the BAD people here, it's the system that is actually wrecking havoc. Dislike him all you want, but stop victim-blaming, because it's actually quite inconsiderate and unbecoming.

In addition, loving Crowley means loving all of Aziraphale, too. Loving his adorableness, his insecurities, and all the good and the bad. If some people still don't get it, then I'm afraid they won't get these anytime soon.

Hold on hold on

...I was gonna make a whole post about how what Aziraphale has doesn't qualify as *religious* trauma and also how it's wildly inappropriate to accuse someone of using their trauma as an 'excuse', and that's without even getting into whether Aziraphale means the things he says about Crowley or whether he's just saying them to keep them both safe and it's not fair to assume ab*se victims mean the things they say when their ab*sers essentially have a gun to their head, but ya know what?

Screw it.

Cause 'Little Miss Religious Trauma' is my literally new favorite phrase. That's all I can think about. Absolute POETRY. Like, hats off to whoever wrote this.

I want that on a freaking T-SHIRT right now. With pink sparkles.

Who's interested?

[anarmorofwords]

Hi! You're probably not going to like this ask, but before getting into it I'd just like to say that this isn't meant as Kamala hate or anything, and I don't really want to offend.

Having said that, wouldn't it make sense that we get to see how Kamala treated Anna after she came out? It's in all likelihood one of the things that's weighing on Anna the most.

Obviously Kamala had her valid reasons: her parents aren't as liberal as the Lightwoods, she believes (knows?) their love is conditional as she's adopted, she's not white and not being heterosexual could further any treatment she's suffered from being different... Her reasons have already been listed multiple times by multiple people. Kamala has the right to stay in the closet and fear coming out. And while that shouldn't be villianised, we can't forget that closeted people can harm those around them.

If Kamala had kept treating Anna like a good friend, rumour would've sparked, and even if it was denied, she'd have been harmed by merely associating with Anna. Especially with the life Anna began leading; she could have been labelled as one of Anna's 'conquests' by the Clave. That, as we've established, is detrimental for her safety.

But at the same time, it would create a breach between Anna and Kamala. And Anna had the right to be hurt by it and weary of it when Kamala said she wanted a relationship.

If we look at it from that perspective, Anna's actions (though inexcusable in how they treated Kamala --who was also at fault for not accepting a negative for four months) make sense. Kamala wasn't only a fling of a week*, but also the girl she lost her virginity with, who asked her to be her secret (until she married Charles, after which Anna's affections would be discarded), who hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna suffered from homophobic commentary, and who now wants a relationship hidden from most of the people that know her.

Kamala shouldn't be forced to come out; but the harm that can do to the women she may engage with is reflective of what happens nowadays. I can mostly think of examples with gay men, so my apologies in advance. But how many women have seen their marriages ruined by their husband having affairs with men?

Creating characters that reflect a toxic part of the 'hidden' LGBT community shouldn't be seen as hating or villinifying. Thomas isn't out and he isn't labelled a villain by the narrative --because his actions don't harm anyone. The hate Alastair gets in-universe is because of his past as a bully, not because he's gay. Matthew's not fully out and he isn't villianised --like Thomas, because the decisions he makes to keep his sexuality hidden don't impact anyone negatively.

I'll even go as far as saying that not even the narrative villianises characters like Kamala and Charles. If it were, they'd be seen more like Grace in Chain of Gold. We'd see how Kamala's actions are affecting Anna's in more ways than anger (that in itself put the fandom against Anna), and the characters would note so. We wouldn't see scenes were Cordelia empathised with Charles, nor Matthew said he loved him.

Be it as it may, Kamala and Charles represent ugly parts of being closeted that can naturally occur when someone is in their position. LGBT people are human. Humans, when put into very difficult situations (and Charles risks his career; Kamala her safety), can make decisions that harm those around them. Consequently, the people they're harming have a right to feel, well, harmed in whatever range of ways --this goes mostly for Alastair, and very partly for Anna, whose treatment of Kamala was horrible.

Readers need to understand what is pushing these 'villianised' characters to harm (again, mostly for Alastair) the more prominent characters and go beyond how they are instantly depicted. Because these are complex characters based on complex real people influenced by very ugly realities we will move on from someday, but sadly not yet.

By the way, Charles and Kamala's situations aren't that similar beyond the closeted thing, but I crammed them together because of a post I saw you reblog.

Please understand I'm not justifying Charles's actions; that I understand the pain he's put Alastair through, and know that he shouldn't ever be near Alastair. Nor am I trying to justify Anna's actions nor hate on Kamala.

I'll just finish my pointless rant by adding that I do think cc has sensitivity readers. I think she asked a gay man to go through tec (I don't know if he still revised her other books, though), and know she asked POC's input when writing someone for their culture. I don't know much beyond that, but I doubt who revises her stuff is up to her. Wouldn't that be something the publisher is responsible for (honest question)?

*I've also noticed people using the argument that they didn't know each other long enough for Anna to harbour such ugly emotions towards Kamala, but Kamala also remembered Anna pretty deeply and is 'in love' with her. I just wanted to say that considering cc writes (fantastical) romance where someone can ask a woman they met two months ago marriage, stressing over time spaces doesn't make much sense. Just my take.

hi!!

alright, where do I start? probably would be best with stating that while I can analyse Kamala's situation with what I know/see/read about racism and discrimination and reasonably apply things I've read/heard from PoC to the discussion, as well as try to be as sensitive about it as possible, I'm still a white woman, so not a person that's best qualified to talk about this.

that being said - if someone wants to add something to this conversation, you're obviously more than welcome to, and if there's something in my answer that you don't agree with or find in some way insensitive or offensive - please don't hesitate to call me out on that.

back to your points though: (this turned into a whole ass essay, so under the cut)

I don't think Anna shouldn't be able to reminiscent on Kamala's behaviour/reaction to her coming out, or be hurt by it. what bothers me is the way CC talks about it - I can't remember the exact phrasing, but the post where she mentioned this suggested something along the lines of "you'll see how Kamala sided with the Clave and didn't defend Anna after her coming out", therefore putting the blame on Kamala and completely disregarding the fact that Kamala wasn't in position to do much at all. It suggest that their situation was "poor Anna being mistreated by Kamala". therefore I'm afraid Kamanna's main problem/conflict will remain to be portrayed as "Anna having to allow themselves to love again and forgive Kamala", while Anna's shortcomings - and Kamala's vulnerable position - are never discussed. I think it would be possible to acknowledge both Kamala's difficult situation and the possible hurt her behaviour caused Anna without being insensitive towards Kamala's character, but it would take a really skilled - and caring - author to do both of the perspectives justice. CC would have to find a balance between being aware of the racism/prejudice Kamala faced/ writing her with lots of awareness and empathy, and still allowing her to make mistakes and acknowledging them. As it is however, I'm under impression that she's just treating it as a plot device, a relationship drama.

I'd say no one expects characters of color to be written as flawless or never making mistakes, it's mostly the way these mistakes are written and what things these characters are judged/shamed/

And that's - at least in my understanding and opinion - where the problem is. it's that the narrative never even addresses Anna's faults, and portrays Kamala as the one that caused all - or most of - the pain, without ever even acknowledging her problems and background.

White characters in TLH make mistakes and fuck up - because they're human and they're absolutely allowed to - but the thing is, non-white characters aren't afforded that privilege. Anna's behaviour is never questioned - none of it, shaming Kamala for not being able to come out, dismissing her desire to be a mother, or any of the questionable things she did in ChoI. Same with Matthew, James, Thomas. Alastair and Kamala however? they're constantly viewed through their past mistakes, and forced to apologize for them over and over, forced to almost beg for forgiveness. Moreover, those past mistakes are used as a justification of all and any shitty behaviour the other characters exhibit towards them now, which is simply unfair and cruel. They're held to a much higher standard.

So I'd like to say that yes, Kamala was in the wrong to keep nagging Anna after numerous rejections, and she was in the wrong to not inform Anna about Charles prior to them having sex - but that doesn't give Anna a free pass to constantly mistreat Kamala. And let's be real, Anna isn't stupid - while at 17 she could be naive and uninformed, I can't imagine how after years of hanging out with the Downworlders and numerous affairs and being out and judged by the Clave she's still so ignorant about Kamala's situation. I definitely think she's allowed to be hurt, but to still not understand why Kamala did what she did? Anna isn't blaming her for not telling her about Charles earlier - which would be fair - but instead for refusing to engage in an outright romance with her. She's being ignorant - and consciously so, I think.

Overall, I think you're definitely right about how coming out - or staying closeted - can be messy and hurt people in the process, especially in unaccepting environments/time periods, and I've seen enough discourse online to know there will never be a verdict/stance on this that will satisfy everyone. I, for one, would really like to refrain from putting all the blame on a single person - but, at least the way I see it, CC is pointing fingers. maybe not directly, but she is. Kamala, Alastair and Charles have no friends or support systems, and the only people in the narrative that defend them are themselves (ok, Cordelia does defend Alastair from Charles, but not from shitty takes about him and his "sins"). Also, sorry, but I don't like how you say "hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna experienced homophobic comments" - it sounds very much judgemental. Kamala had every right to do that? The fact that she slept with Anna doesn't means she owed her something, and certainly not coming out and most probably destroying her life, or even defending her at the - again - expense of her own reputation, or more possibly safety.

As for Charles - it's a different issue here, at least imo - I fear that it'll be implied that his refusing to come out will is his main "sin", and therefore not something he can be judged for, which ironically, will be villainizing, but mostly will mean his actual sins are dismissed. This is where the scene with Cordelia feeling a pang of sympathy for him comes into play, and it worries me. I've never hated Charles for not wanting to come out, but rather for, let's see - grooming Alastair, disregarding Alastair's needs and feelings, disrespecting his mother, being a sexist prick, being low-key far-right coded "make Shadowhunters great again" etc.

As for sensitivity readers - I'm no expert, so I don't think my input is worth much. From what I've gathered from multiple threads/discussions on twitter, tho it is probably consulted/approved by the publisher, many authors push for that - and authors less famous and "powerful" than her. I'm not a hater, but seeing fandoms' opinions on much of her rep, I think she could do better. Because if she does have sensitivity readers, then they don't seem to be doing a great job - maybe they're friends who don't wanna hurt her feelings? Or maybe she thinks a gay guy's feedback will be enough for any queer content - which, judging by the opinions I've seen from the fans, doesn't seem to be true.

Again, these are mostly my thoughts and I'm more than open to reading other opinions, because *sigh* I really don't know how to handle this.

Bottom line - I really really don't want to be hating on the characters in general, playing God in regards to judging the struggles of minorities, or even criticising the characters too harshly for being human, flawed etc. What my main issue is is how CC handles those complex and heavy topics.

I hope I make sense and this answer satisfies you somehow - I also hope someone better equipped to answer might wanna join this conversation.

* I desperately need a reread of TLH before I engage in any more conversations like this, but I didn't wanna leave you hanging. So yeah, I might be remembering things wrong. Again, let me know, I'm very much open to being corrected as well as to further discussion.

* I use she/her pronouns for Anna because that's what she uses in canon

[anamericangirl]

"Point to a single instance where we called for it" you say and then proceed to dismiss an entire video that is nothing but high profile democrats condoning and inciting violence.

You say none of those people represent the left because you're not a "baseball team." Who does represent the left then? You say give an example where "we" called for it, but who is we? What people would you accept as a representation?

No leftists have condemned the rhetoric of the people in that video.

So I'm curious what you would consider valid examples.

You remember the first assassination attempt where the only reaction leftists had was "you missed"? Y'all weren't concerned about political violence, y'all were just bummed Trump didn't die.

Besides that and the video that shows ample evidence whether you accept it or not for the last eight years y'all have been using absolutely vile rhetoric against Trump. Ever since 2016 the left has been calling Trump and his supporters deplorable, racists, fascists, nazis. Trump has been characterized as literally Hitler and a threat to democracy and the very fabric of our country. There are people out there legitimately afraid that their lives are at stake if Trump is the president specifically because of the vicious lies of the left. You guys spew shit like that and then act surprised when people believe you and try to take a drastic action.

You are continuing that kind of rhetoric in this very post by spreading the blatant disinformation that if Biden wanted to kill Trump he could do it legally because of a Supreme Court ruling you don't understand. It's that kind of ignorance that is fear mongering and leads people to react in violence.

"And even if someone did, you’re saying that the people who do the shooting have zero personal agency or culpability. That they are mere automatons acting out the collective will of a political party?"

No one is saying that. The shooter of course is the person most responsible and at fault for any violent acts they carry out or plan but I'm not letting you distance yourself from it when the dangerous rhetoric of the left wing is a big reason why anyone feels the need to try and kill Trump.

I'm especially not letting you get a pass when you literally posted something trying to blame republicans for this and then go "what you think the shooter has zero responsibility and they are mere automatons acting out of a collective will of a political party?" Funny how you can think like that when the tables get turned and your side gets called out but when you wanna blame republicans that's exactly how it works.

Ryan Wesley Routh isn't even a republican. He's been a registered democrat since like 2012 and donates to democratic organizations and supports democratic causes. So I don't know where you got the idea he was a republican.

Trump gets blamed for things that aren't his fault all the time because of his RhEtOrIc so you guys sure as hell don't get a pass when your rhetoric is directly to blame for shit like this.

You act like Jan 6 was some crazy violent event but it was nothing. It wasn't a riot or an insurrection or any of the dangerous rhetoric you use to try and make people feel like they have to be afraid of Trump and his supporters. You are the violent party. You are the party of violent language and violent action. Your party is responsible for the worst political violence our country has seen throughout the last eight years from the blm riots to both assassination attempts. This isn't a "rules for thee but not for me" situation like you want it to be. Live in the world you created.

Republicans are eating themselves. Definitely good to run the country though, for sure.

[sleeping-on-cracking-ice]

NO REQUESTS FOR STRAY KIDS OR NCT??? HERE I AM. Well more for Stray Kids cause I don't really now NCT that well 😂 I actually just got a reaaally random idea for a reaction?? Do you do them? I guess I saw it in your masterlists but I'm not sure, if not then maybe you can just do something else with that idea idk do whatever inspires you?? 😅 Can you write their reactions to their s/o not liking to be taken in photo? Like they hate taking poses and selfies are their nightmare? And they always find a way to make weird faces or hide their face whenever they're being photographed? (I always do that and it makes my mom and close friends getting insane 😂) First random request, thank you so much already! As always I love your blog a lot 🥰 (omg that ask is so long sorry for that 😅)

Hahaha yesss!!! Finally a request for a reaction 😆 I’ve wanted to write one for so long but no one has asked for it until now. Thanks so much!! 💕💕

Stray Kids | Their S/O hates having their photo taken

{Stray Kids Masterlist}

-Bang Chan-

Chan would notice it right away

He loves taking pictures and videos of his S/O, so this habit of theirs would drive him insane

He at first wouldn’t think much of it and brush the subject off a bit

But after seeing them do it more often, he would get a bit upset

Like he wants nothing more than to take a cute picture with his S/O

He would be afraid that they were feeling insecure about themselves and always reassure them that they’re gorgeous/handsome

He would get so happy though if he takes a photo without them hiding their face/pulling a silly face

Would gush for ages about how pretty they look

“Oh my god you’re so gorgeous/handsome in this photo, baby look!” “No! I don’t want to see it!” “Pleeeeeeease!”

*rest is under the cut

-Lee Know-

Minho’s a little bit of a cheeky bean, so he would tease his S/O about it

Would take sneaky pictures of them so they wouldn’t notice and show them later

Sometimes he would do it just to annoy them, but a lot of the time he literally would just want cute photos of his S/O

Because as much as he would love the silly and stupid photos, he would love to capture them just doing normal things

Probably would have a little album in his phone

The only time his S/O would notice is when they see that his background is a sweet picture of them napping

“When did you take that!?” “The other day~” “Delete it!” “But you look so peaceful and cuddly!”

Would start some friendly arguments a lot of the time

-Changbin-

l feel like he wouldn’t really care for photos that much

Like yeah, having selfies and videos of his S/O is cool, but he just prefers to be with them in the moment

Honestly they would just be laughing and having too much fun to be taking photos

But if the subject was to come up, he would be so comforting and chill about it, not making it a big deal

“It’s fine not liking your photo taken. Not a lot of people do.”

But if they were to send him a random selfie or picture of themselves, he would literally flip

Lots and lots of heart eye emojis and praise, feeling so happy that they felt comfortable enough to do that

“WOW 😍😍😍” “YOU’RE AN ANGEL OMG 😫😫”

-Hyunjin-

I feel like Hyunjin would have trouble understanding why they hide their face

Always thinks they’re joking around and trying to be funny, so he would brush it off as a joke

But when he wants to take a cute selfie together and they get shy and hide their appearance, it would make him a bit upset

He would take it the wrong way and think that his S/O doesn’t want a picture with him

He’s a drama queen, so he would pout and whine about it

“Please just one!” “No! I look ugly!” “No you don’t at all! Just pLEASE-”

They’d have to eventually give in because he wouldn’t give up

Absolutely cherishes their selfies though

Would print them out and hang them on his wall to look at

-Han-

Han at times can be a little bit of a shy bean as well, so I think he would relate to his S/O’s habit

He would respect their wishes for not wanting to be photographed without them knowing

He’s not fussed about not having many photos of them

But he would literally hate it if they spoke badly about themselves after seeing a picture of them

Like full scolding mother mode

“Don’t say that about yourself! It makes me annoyed and sad!”

He wants them to feel loved and valid 24/7, so he’d always be reassuring them that they shouldn’t feel shy around cameras because they have so much beauty

Very sweet and sensitive boy

-Felix-

He’d be upset about it if anything

Would enjoy having funny photos of them both, but sometimes he just feels soft and wants to take one of them sleeping or when they’re out on a date together

He understands that his S/O doesn’t like photos, but would try to convince them in the nicest way possible

“Just one. We don’t have to post it or anything, I just want it to remind me of our fun day together.”

He can sometimes get a little bit insecure about himself, so sometimes he would also hate having his photo taken when he’s not feeling his best

So him and his S/O would relate to each other about it

Funny photos are more fun anyway, so he would love it when they pull stupid faces

-Seungmin-

He would tease his S/O about it as well, thinking that they’re dumb for believing they’re photogenic enough

He’s very brutally honest, so he’d question it as soon as he noticed

“Why do you do that? You literally have no reason to hide your face so it’s pointless.”

He would laugh at the situation though

Like he finds it funny to see photos of his S/O trying to hide behind him or pulling a stupid face

If he wants a cute photo though and his S/O ran away, he would chase them and tackle them for it, probably ending with a funny forced picture anyway

“Haha never mind, this one’s better than a cute selfie.”

-I.N.-

He’s kind of awkward with photos himself I think

So him and his S/O would just collectively agree not to take sneaky photos

If his S/O wanted a picture together, they would have to be the one to ask for it

They would rarely take photos I feel

Like maybe a few when on dates but that would literally be it

So his S/O wouldn’t have to worry about their habit

Jeongin would probably get a bit confused about it if he does notice something

But he wouldn’t approach them about it, thinking it’s not a big deal

Although he would love his S/O’s smile, so seeing a normal picture of them would always make him happy and giddy

Author’s Note: I’m so sorry if this isn’t that good! It’s my first reaction so I’ll probably get the hang of it as I do more ❤

[thwipsnapped]

⸻ Bringing a hand up to her heart, she finds herself able to look at him again once his gaze is pointed towards the floor. The fact that this had to be painfully awkward for him as well, soothed her somewhat. She wondered if it was cool to feel that way; as if his discomfort validated her own, making it all the less intimidating. She'd have to tell Peter about this later.

That is, if she even knew how to explain their current situation.

What did you even say to your boss during the few fleeting moments when he was just the boy you grew up with. Nobody should allow Harold Osborn to run a company, not while she was working below him. Although, she wasn't sure she could ever be caught dead working for any of the competitors.

❝ Harry. ❞ 

She tests it out. It's remembering the name of a song she used to sing in grade school. It still holds significance all these years later, even if you haven't thought about it in a while. And perhaps, not too much had changed in his absence. Outside of their occupations and familial loss, were they not the same children who used to play pretend on the playground together?

They'd turned in their make-believe into believable truths through the scientific method. Now the kids who sat together watching Godzilla had become adults who had witnessed a giant lizard. Well, she and Peter had witnessed it. Now, Harry was home to witness whatever came next. Gwen had a sinking feeling that Spider-Man hadn't had a temporary position; it was gonna become a full-time gig.

Worse than the lizards and the mad science was the absolute block of ice that was still only vaguely melting between her and Harry; and as the elevator slowly rose, she knew their time was growing shorter. He had invited her to lunch, albeit hesitantly, but he had invited her nevertheless. It meant there was hope; a word that meant everything to Gwen; it was a word she often found herself holding onto with white knuckles. At the end of all things, one could always find a sliver of hope. Perhaps, though, this was not an ending. This was catching up over lunch that would be ridiculously expensive. She'd said his name, then sat in silence.

❝ You missed me? ❞ She isn't sure why she finds herself surprised, but then again, a fancy boarding school? Harry Osborn had been living like Harry Potter. She'd always somewhat assumed that he'd been too busy to think about her. She was pretty sure he had kept in contact with Peter a tad longer; she wondered if they'd met back up yet. She should let him know she missed him too. No. She already said that. ❝ I'm glad. Lunch sounds ... nice. I'd love to catch up somewhere I don't have to call you anything other than Harry. ❞

She pauses.

❝ I'm gonna have to just not address you. Like the situation is dire, Hare. It's grim. What the hell do I call you when you're not just Harry? And don't say Harold, 'cause that's weird too. ❞ She supposes it could always be worse; she could have an ex who was her boss. That had to be worse than a childhood friend; at least a childhood friend wants you to ... succeed, maybe? She thinks about his reaction to her father's passing. It's bittersweet. 

❝ I'm sorry too, you know. About your dad. I know you weren't close, at least, not when we were friends, but you deserved ... a chance to reconnect, even if it was just for closure. I'm glad you got to see him, though. I didn't get to ... but that's how it is when your dad has a dangerous job. I think we all knew it'd happen one day, we just refused to ever say it out loud. Afraid we'd jinx it, I think. ❞ Man, just how many floors were in this building? One for every zero in the Osborn trust fund? She'd make that joke once they were closer again. And when the conversation didn't loosely correlate to his inheritance. For now, she'd decide Harry was right:

The floor was very nice to look at.

it could be worse... at least, that's what he's currently telling himself. like a mantra to convince no one other than his racing mind. but suddenly it felt as though oscorp had a thousand floors to get through before the elevator reached his office —— and what he hated even more than how slow it rose was just how horribly awkward this conversation was. if it could even be considered a conversation at all ; though he's glad she initiated it. if it were up to him, it would have been a silent trip. that way he would have had more time to prepare for their next inevitable encounter. ( it wasn't like this when they were kids. ) it wasn't like this at all. and he's also painfully aware that this isn't how their reunion was supposed to go....

no awkward tension that lingered thickly in the close space between them. no perplexing formalities. they should be embracing one another the same way any other childhood friends would after time spent unfairly separated.

each form of address felt like a bullet —— and he's convinced this is what it would feel like to claw out of the grave one had dug for themself. they all came with their own set of problems, ( one held a sense of favoritism, one a reminder of his father, and another that just felt as though it should never be used between friends. ) he nearly winced and flinched at each of her attempts ; ❛❛ gwen, please— ❜❜ he manages to interject with an uncomfortable laugh as he shifts on his feet. though her smile, no matter how meek it might have been, and words that weren't attempting to find a semblance of workplace professionalism would bring him the smallest amount of ease.

❛❛ just... call me by my name when it's the two of us. ❜❜ even correcting her felt wrong. his own smile appears, small and tugging crookedly on the corners of lips, and his hands removed themselves from the pockets of his jacket to fold at his front. slender fingers immediately go to fiddle with the watch clasped securely to his wrist—

❛❛ i missed you too... ❜❜ the admission wouldn't have came out so quiet in any other setting, and he'll clear his throat to make more room before he continues. ❛❛ and i heard about your dad... i'm sorry. ❜❜ his gaze finds the flooring of the elevator for a moment as he considers his next words, and before he can think about whether or not it should be suggested while they were both technically working —— ❛❛ we should get lunch or something, to catch up. my treat. ❜❜