#only took me four months lmfao

[whamgram]

Charlastor Week - Day 7 - Free Day

 An AU where Charlie and Alastor are podcasters. 🎙️ This one has been percolating in my brain for a while! Plot summary under the cut.

Alastor is the OG overlord of true crime. Back in his college days, he and his roommate Vox started what would become one of the first ever podcasts. With Vox’s tech savviness and Alastor’s knack for dramatic storytelling, The Hazbin Radio Program quickly became the podcast playing in every commuter’s car, gym bro’s headphones, and office jockey’s earbuds. Focusing on crimes where the victim “deserved what they got” might be controversial, but Alastor’s jazzy interludes and old timey radio schtick add a certain kind of whimsy to every episode.

As Vox grew their dorm room recordings into a digital media empire, Alastor struggled to remain authentic in a world being rapidly consumed by social media and influencer culture. The two friends had a huge falling out. Knowing it would mean death for his beloved radio program if he didn’t stay, Alastor remained under contract with Voxtek Entertainment. Years later, his listenership is dwindling, his sponsors are dropping like flies, and his desperation is stronger than ever to finally break away and have complete creative control of his show.

Charlie has big dreams, a bigger heart, and a behemoth of a family legacy she’s trying to separate herself from. The Morningstar family name is synonymous with pain and punishment, as their network of for-profit prisons house nearly every incarcerated individual in the country. But Charlie refuses to let her rich and influential father buy her way into the industry. The Happy Podcast’s moderate success was due to her hard work, passion, and the secondhand recording equipment she bought with her own money. Like every amateur influencer, she dreams of landing a contract with VoxTek Entertainment. Not for the bragging rights or all those sweet endorsement deals, but because she truly believes that her podcast can inspire her listeners to be better people.

The Happy Podcast is a mix of self-help, advocacy, social commentary, and whatever else Charlie feels passionate about that week. This can sometimes cause a bit of controversy, like when her strong feelings about prison reform lead to an unhinged rant about why a recently imprisoned axe murderer “deserves a second chance” because “he was a good guy who volunteered at his local animal shelter”. Despite this, she still snags an invite to the annual VTE Summit and is hoping to get some facetime with the media mogul himself.

It’s at the VTE Summit that Alastor and Charlie meet. Charlie is as starstruck as she is charmed by the mystery man behind her favorite guilty pleasure podcast. Alastor finds himself instantly drawn to the bubbly young woman who knows a surprising amount about true crime. In a cesspool of wannabe celebrities and people who would sell their soul for a brand deal, she feels like the only other person who’s in it for the craft and the content, not the clout.

Be it fate, coincidence, or a bit of meddling on Alastor’s part, they continue to cross paths and eventually agree to help each other out. Alastor teaches Charlie the art of presentation and storytelling while she brings his technical skills into the 21st century so he can start producing his podcast on his own.

As the pair dance around their feelings and look for any excuse to spend time with each other, Charlie asks Alastor to be a guest on her show. It goes so well, he asks her to be a guest on his. Even their audiences can’t deny the chemistry between them. No one would have thought this odd pair of podcasts would work so well together, but the sky-rocketed ratings and influx of sponsorships speak for themselves.

They both are soon to get everything they always wanted. That is, until Charlie starts to wonder exactly how Alastor knows so much about the victims he discusses on his show.

[sunrizef1]

All the boys PT2

Pairing: Jude Bellingham x reader, Logan sargeant x sister!reader, f1 grid x reader

Summary: who is reader soft launching???

A/N: yay part 2

Fc: Hannah Harell

Pt 1

___________________

yourusername

liked by logansargeant carlossainz trentarnold66 and 7,303,667 others

yourusername ❤️💋🌹

user1 WHO IS HEEEEE

user2 y/n please 😭

user3 oh look, it’s litteraly Carlos

↳ user4 it’s actually Oscar

↳ user5 that’s Daniel idc

judebellingham 🤨

user6 i don’t even care who it is, they’re so cute

↳ user7 ikr im so happy for her

trentarnold66 😜

↳ yourusername bro why r u here

↳ trentarnold66 girl shut up

↳ yourusername gtfo

user8 ^^^ what is happening with Trent 😭

user9 JUST TELL US WHO HE IS ITS BEEN LIKE SIX MONTHS

user10 she’s so fine

Yourusername

liked by logansargeant masonmount and 5,445,708 others

yourusername happy bday big bro! Please don’t lose ur job, I only talk to you for paddock passes. In all seriousness, I love you and thanks for being the best big brother a girl could ask for ❤️❤️❤️ (surprised you’ve kept it a secret this long).

tagged logansargeant

load comments…

user11 WHAT

user12 BROTHER??????

user13 they’ve been related the whole time? 😭

user14 happy bday Logan

judebellingham happy birthday Captain America

↳ logansargeant thanks mate

liked by yourusername

user15 Jude lmao

oscarpiastri thank god you’ve said it, one less secret for me to carry

↳ yourusername so dramatic

↳ oscarpiastri you try keeping a secret for 15 years. You’d be dramatic too.

↳ yourusername 🙄

user16 siblings????

TWITTER

INSTAGRAM

yourusername

liked by judebellingham carlossainz and 6,788,010 others

yourusername already drunk but f it we ball

load comments…

user17 just the most American caption you’ve ever seen

user18 still shocked from this morning

user19 is she there with her boyfriend???

trentarnold66 ur man is looking 4 u

↳ yourusername y u talking 2 my man

↳ trentarnold66 girl idk im just as drunk as u

↳ trentarnold66 being fr come get him tho

↳ yourusername omw pookie

user20 wait is Trent with them too?

↳ user21 he’s friends with max so probably, yeah

user22 I need pics from the rest of this party asap

oscarpiastri piccreds: me, tf? I didn’t suffer through you making out with your bf in the backseat for this.

↳ yourusername guys, Oscar took the pictures. Everybody clap 4 Oscar.

↳ oscarpiastri I’ll excuse the sarcasm on you being drunk

↳ yourusername boo 🍅🍅🍅

user23 oh she’s so drunk

user24 so her boyfriends there

yourusername added to their story

↳ trentarnold66

DELETE DELETE DELETE

↳ masonmount

LMFAO

↳ oscarpiastri

Hey girl, this isn’t ur close friends

TWITTER

INSTAGRAM

yourusername

liked by trentarnold66 judebellingham and 11,001,432 others

yourusername i may have been drunk but I wasn’t wrong (ily Jude, happy 4 years)

load comments…

user24 FOUR YEARS!?!?!?!

user25 the caption lmao

user26 she for sure wasn’t wrong

judebellingham ily2 ig 😒 (happy 4 years❤️)

user27 I’m in love with both of them tbh

user28 I’ve thought she was soft-launching Oscar this whole time dhmu 😭

↳ oscarpiastri no I’ve unfortunately had to witness their gross relationship for years now

↳ yourusername you should learn to be nicer

↳ oscarpiastri don’t make out with him in front of me whenever we’re in the same car anymore and then I’ll be nice to you.

↳ yourusername 😒

user29 what????!!!! 😭

logansargeant woohoo

↳ yourusername 🤨 enthusiasm please.

↳ logansargeant woohoo!

↳ yourusername thx ig

[lustfulslxt]

hi hi! "local" anon here, and i just had a rlly good idea that ik you will deliver perfectly.

matt "accidently" sends reader a d pick and she's all flustered but just doesn't say anything, until like the next day when they all like go out to dinner and everyone's in their own conversation. she just brings it up like, "so what was that pic you sent last night?" and he knows EXACTLY what she's talking about, but is all like "huh? what?"

but then, later that night, she ends up sending a risky pic of her own and then he just texts her saying to like 'come over immediately' or he's coming over to her house and then yk what!!

again, i love your writing and i know you will NOT disappoint with this!! Love you ! 😘

Take The Risk - Matt Sturniolo

warnings : spicy pics and smuttt

a/n : finally!! am i right?? pls look the other way if this is shit, like actually fr.. lmaoooo

—

“This is actually impossible. I’m gonna die of old age before I finish this thing.” I groan to myself, letting my head fall forward onto the table.

It’s been weeks of me staring at all of these pieces, all the exact same, aside from the shape. I’m determined to complete it. I lift my head up, an irregular piece slowly falling from my forehead.

“Who came up with this shit? Why are they so against me?” I ask no one in particular, seeing as I’m completely alone.

I’m convinced whoever created this was just trying to spite me. I can never back of out a challenge, they had to have known that. It’s been hours since I first sat down to work on it today, I am bored out of my mind, but I still can’t put the pieces down. Just as I’m about to toss my head back and cry from frustration, I realize I only have five pieces left. I jump forward, laying them all out in front of me, studying their pattern and the way they could all fit together. It takes maybe another ten minutes before I finally get it.

The last asymmetrical piece, snaps into place, completing the array of silver configuration. Twenty two days, six hundred fifty four pieces later. There she sits, in all her glory. Silver (Krypt), the hardest jigsaw puzzle to solve. This puzzle has no pictures, instead, it simply consists of hundreds of silver pieces, with a circular center and surrounding pieces making the finished jigsaw a plain rectangle. I put my blood, sweat, and tears into this thing.

“Never back down, never what?!” I exclaim, jumping up from my seated position, only now realizing how bad my posture is from the ache in my back. I reach my hand around, holding my back as I groan, “Fuck.”

Straightening up, I grab my phone and immediately snap a picture of the completed puzzle. I just have to show Matt, he’s going to be thrilled. I send the photo to him on snapchat, then head to my kitchen. I grab a bottle of water and a bag of chips to snack on, then go upstairs to relax in my bedroom. Once I put my show on the TV, I notice a notification from Matt.

Matty B

NO WAY YOU FINISHED IT

Me

I DID

Matty B

only took you a month lmao

Me

BYE

it was hard asf 👹

Matty B

me too

Me

UM EXCUSE ME

Matty B

whattt

myb

Me

🌚 you can’t just say that then b like ‘mY bAd’

Matty B

i didn’t mean it

Me

oh

Matty B

congrats on finishing the puzzle tho

now i don’t have to listen to you complaining about the creator being against you

Me

blocked.

Matty B

LMFAO

bro. i was joke

Me

awesome to hear bro

I roll away from my phone, grabbing my chips to eat while I watch TV. An hour goes by, before I make my way to the bathroom. I wash my face and brush my teeth, then strip into my pajamas to finally go to sleep. Walking back into my room, I grab my phone to check one last time. As I plug my charger into it, I notice a snapchat from Matt. Upon opening it, my jaw drops.

There, on my screen, is a picture of a dick. Matt’s dick; fully erect, veins dancing alongside it, the tip pink with dribbles of precum. His hand sits at the base, unintentionally giving me a visual comparison of the size, and boy, it’s something. I can’t help but lick my lips at the sight, before snapping out of it and realizing my best friend just sent me a picture of his cock.

I’m at a loss for words. I can’t even think properly, far from being able to articulate a response. So, I just lock my phone and lay down. Yet, every time I close my eyes, I see his dick staring back at me, begging to be touched. I can feel the arousal building in me, my walls now clenching around nothing. Tossing and turning, attempting to ignore the growing desire, I deeply sigh. It’s going to be a long night.

-

I look at my phone screen, observing myself in my front camera. I’m currently about to walk into the restaurant where I’m having dinner with Matt, Nick, Chris, Nate, and Madi. I haven’t addressed the picture Matt sent me yesterday, and he hasn’t brought it up either, but it’s still lingering in my mind.

Putting my phone away, I lock my car and strut towards the entrance of the restaurant. Upon entering, a hostess greets me and directs to the table where my friends reside.

“Y/N!” Nate cheers, causing the rest of them to look over at me, smiles appearing on all of their faces.

“Hey guys, sorry I’m a little late.” I apologize, scooting in next to Matt.

“You’re all good, I ordered your drink already.” Matt informs me, “They should be coming around shortly.”

I smile, “Thanks, Matty.”

Within five minutes, we all receive our drinks and order our food. While waiting on our meals, we resume light conversation. However, I cannot stop thinking about the picture Matt sent me. Every time I look at him, I feel my heart beat faster and my breath gets caught in my throat. Are we just going to forget about it? Is that what he expects? I can’t just forget.

As the other four indulge in their own conversations, I notice Matt is silent, so I use this as my chance to confront him about it.

“Matt?” I call out, loud enough for him to hear me, yet quiet enough so the others don’t.

His directs his attention to me, softly humming in response as his eyebrows raise, expectantly.

“Um, about yesterday..” I trail off, attempting to read his body language.

I see him slightly tense up, clearing his throat as he looks at me, feigning confusion, “What?”

I give him a pointed look, “That picture you sent last night.”

He looks around as if trying to rack his brain, his eyebrows furrowing as he shrugs, “What are you talking about?”

I sigh, coming to a realization that I’m going to get nowhere with this. He knows what I’m talking about. I know he knows, I can see it all over him. Two can play at that game.

I clearly my throat and shake my head, “Actually nothing, forget about it.”

For the rest of the evening, we don’t speak on that topic again. We all just enjoy our food and the company of each other.

After dinner, I arrive home and immediately head to the bathroom for a shower. The entire night, my mind has been stuck on Matthew, wishing we talked about it, longing for more. We’ve never been anything other than friends, but he lit something in me, a fire that I can’t seem to put out. Should I call him over it? Should I do what he did to me?

After getting dressed in nothing but a black lingerie set, I sit in front of my bedroom mirror. I do look good, but should I really do this? Just take a picture and send it? I give myself another once over, before deciding to turn around and lean forward, snapping a quick photo.

I don’t know how much time has passed as I sit there, staring at my screen. My fingers hover over the picture, unsure of what to say, or if I should say anything at all. Taking a deep breath, I full send, then quickly put my phone down, suddenly ridden with more anxiety as I anticipate his response.

Hopefully I’m not reading more into this situation than what it is. Surely Matt is just playing hard to get. If he didn’t mean to send the picture, he would’ve just said that, right? I try to convince myself that he’s just being a tease, but the more I think about it, the more the pit in my stomach grows. After what feels like forever, I reach for my phone and my immediately face falls.

Opened 12 minutes ago.

Before I can even think a single thought, knocks on my front door sound throughout the silent atmosphere. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I grab my black silk robe and slip it on while walking towards the door. Peeking through the peephole, I see Matt standing there, looking antsy. I freeze, my hand stuck on the doorknob, unable to complete the motion of turning it. I toss my head back, taking a deep breath, before pulling the door open. His eyes light up once he sees me, his gaze flickering over my figure before he makes his way inside.

Within seconds, his lips are on mine, needy and desperate. Taking a few seconds to get over the initial shock, my lips move against his, my hands looping around his neck as his hands pull me in closer by my waist. Without removing his lips from mine, he kicks the door shut and walks me backwards, towards my couch.

As soon as my legs hit the side, he pulls back and asks, “Is this okay?”

I eagerly nod, “More than okay.”

A small grin pulls to his lips before they’re back on mine, kissing me with so much hunger. His hands grope at every one of my curves, squeezing and kneading my skin. His hands suddenly grab my robe, pulling it down my arms and letting it fall behind me, before he pulls away and takes in my appearance once again. He licks his lips and tugs his bottom lip between his teeth, and I can see the bulge stiffening in his pants.

“Fuck, you’re so fine.” He groans, pulling me back into him.

His hands forcefully grab my face and he slams his lips onto mine once again, pulling our bodies flush together. My hands tread through his hair, tugging as he turns my head to the side and moves his mouth to work down my jaw to my neck. His breath is hot against my skin, his tongue licking and his teeth biting. I can feel my arousal pool in between my legs, and I have to squeeze them together to relieve the tension. His hands travel down to my ass, tightly squeezing and massaging it, only making me more wet as I let out a soft moan.

He pulls away and rests his forehead on mine, “What do you want, baby?”

I lick my lips, letting out a breath, “You. I want you, Matt.”

Instantly, he pulls his shirt off and comes back to me, pressing his lips on mine again. I reach behind my back, unhooking my bra and letting it fall down my arms and onto the floor. His hands immediately make their way to my boobs, and I’m melting in his palms. He grips them tenderly yet firm, pulling more moans from me. He leans forward and takes one of my nipples in his mouth, sucking on it as he pinches the opposite one.

The desire in me grows stronger with every touch he graces me with. He knows what he’s doing, and I’m weak in the knees because of it. Kissing me with so much passion and lust, his fingers slip into the waistband of my bottoms, pulling them down with ease, only breaking the kiss to fully remove them. My hands tug at his pants, wanting him to take those off as well, which he does, along with his boxers. We’re left standing, completely naked, and hungry for one another.

He places a couple of soft kisses against my lips, before quickly spinning me around and bending me over the side of the couch. His hands travel down my back, applying just the right amount of pressure, causing me to clench in anticipation. His fingers dig into the skin of my ass, jiggling it, and gripping it with enough strength to surely leave bruises. One of his hands breaks away from me, only to come right back with extreme speed and force. I yelp, jerking forward at the feeling of his hand colliding with my bare skin, a moan soon following as he rubs the place he smacked.

“Just wanna make you feel good, baby.” He whispers against my ear, his fingers trailing between my legs, running over my core.

I let out a whimper, pushing back against his hand for more, but his other hand places a firm hold on my back, keeping me in place. His fingers run through my folds, becoming slick with my wetness, causing him to let out a groan. His fingertips rub my clit in slow and soft circles, adding more pressure and speed with every second, leaving me quivering with moans.

“Mm, such a good girl.” He praises, sinking two fingers into my entrance, ripping a loud moan from my mouth.

“Just wanna be a good girl for you.” I find myself saying in between the whimpers of pleasure.

His pace increases, his fingers pumping in and out of me while his other hand runs up and down my back. I could feel the orgasm building so quickly, begging for release. His hand moves from my back, and starts tracing circles onto my clit once more, his fingers inside me going even faster. My legs start shaking and I’m now putting all my weight onto the couch, way too weak to stand on my own.

“So wet.” Matt mumbles in delight at the sound of his fingers in my juices, “Bet you taste so good.”

“F-fuck, feels so good.” I moan, shuddering as he increases his speed even more. “Gon-gonna cum.”

“Let go, baby.”

His fast movements and the sound of his raspy voice fuel my orgasm, my climax falling upon me quickly. I clench around his fingers, letting myself go and cum all over his hands. He continues finger fucking me, letting me ride out my high. He removes his hands from me and I look back in time to see him sucking all of my juices off of his fingers. The sight alone had me clenching again, eager for more.

“I knew it.” He moans against his fingers, “Taste like I could eat you forever.”

I stand back up on shaky legs, turning to face him and pulling him into a deep kiss, our tongues intertwining and exploring each other’s mouth. His hand comes up to my throat, gently squeezing it, pulling me closer, before pulling us apart altogether.

“We’re not done yet, my sweet girl.” He smirks against my lips, turning me back around and laying me over the couch once again.

He wraps his hand around his dick, stroking it a few times, then runs it through my folds, causing me to shake from the sensitivity. Without a word, he places one hand on my lower back and slowly slides himself in my entrance.

A high pitched moan falls from my lips as he groans, tossing his head back, “Fuck. Been wanting this forever, baby. Feel better than I’ve ever imagined.”

I pull my bottom lip between my teeth, sliding backwards to take all of him in me. He moans loudly, tightly gripping my hips. He holds me in place as he starts thrusting, digging deeper into me with every pump. His strokes get faster and harder, our skin slapping together as I become a moaning mess. My whole body shakes with every movement of his, my face buried into the sofa, muffling my sounds as he fucks me. My legs tremble as he hits exactly where I need him, and I instantly begin clenching around him.

His hand wraps around my hair in a makeshift ponytail and tugs my head back, “I wanna hear your pretty moans, baby. You like the way I fuck you?”

“Mmm, yes. I love it-” I sound out, breathless from the pleasure. “You fuck me s-so good.”

His thrusts quicken and his grip on my hip tightens. The knot in my stomach continues growing, proving my statement to be true. I’ve never been fucked like this, and I can’t help but think about how I’m so glad I sent him that picture.

“Fuck, baby. You feel so good wrapped around my cock, taking me so well. My good girl.” He moans, his hips sputtering.

The pressure in my stomach becomes too much and it’s hard holding it in, my hands gripping the cushions beneath me. He leans forward, his hands intertwining with mine as his lips trail open mouth kisses up and down my back. I can’t help the moans that keep pouring from my mouth, feeling nothing but pure bliss.

“I can feel you clenching around me.” He whispers in my ear, “Cum on my cock, so I can fill you up, pretty girl.”

With that, I let go. My entire body shakes as pornographic moans fall from my lips, my pussy clenching around him so tightly. His strokes become erratic and his moans and groans are louder than before. He quickens his pace as he chases his high, instantly filling me up with a loud raspy moan emitting from his mouth. He continues thrusting into me, pushing his cum deeper. He leans back, standing up straight as we both catch our breaths. His hands find my back once again, softly massaging it. He pulls out, my legs twitching from the stimulation. His hands move down to my ass, gently squeezing it, before he helps me up.

“How are you feeling?” He asks, turning me to face him, keeping his hands around my waist for support.

“Like we should’ve done that a long time ago.” I grin, still breathless.

“We can always make up for lost time.” He grins, placing his forehead on mine.

I nod as we both laugh before he places a few kisses on my cheeks and lips. His hand grabs mine and he pulls me even more into him, capturing my lips in a deep but loving kiss.

“Let’s take a shower, so I can clean you up.” He suggests.

My face heats up and I nod once more, following him upstairs as he never lets my hand go.

Our friendship just changed entirely and I can’t wait for what’s in store for us, because I know it’s going to be euphoric.

—

a/n : tadaaa!!! ugh i hope this wasn’t shit, it’s been forever :((( lmk what you think! requests are closed bc i have wayyy too many that i need to catch up on, but i’m hoping i can get back into it! love uu <333

[elly-grace]

I can't do this anymore

Joe x reader

word count: 4k

(idk what to put as a gif for this one so low-key annoyed looking. Joey works lmfao)

You were sitting in the kitchen, lights dimmed. Your  tea kettle was beeping, signaling that your water was warm enough to brew your tea. It was 3 am and your husband still isn't home. Joe had been showing up in the middle of the night, just to avoid you. It had been going on since you found out you were pregnant four months ago. You were so tired of waking up in an empty bed and your husband avoiding you. So you decided to wait until he came home. Which was a decision you were starting to regret. 

You took out your phone and called your brother. 

“Sam.” 

Your brother could tell you were crying, it was like his special 6th sense. He always knew when you  were upset or hurt. You were trying to stop crying but the tears kept cascading down your rosy cheeks. 

“Give me 20 minutes.” 

He sighed and you could hear him shuffling around his house then get into his car. The phone call ends and you knew your brother was on his way. As you were  waiting your eyes started to get heavy and the only thought on your mind was sleep. Just as you started to give into the desires of sleep, you heard a car door close. Hoping it was your husband you hopped up from the stool at the counter and ran to the door. To your dismay, there at the front door stood your brother.

“I used the spare key, you look terrible.” 

“Thanks Sam.” You said sarcastically. “Joe hasn’t been home since last night. I think he’s cheating on me.” 

Sam came to hug you, and started rubbing the back of your head. This has always calmed you down ever since you were little. 

“I doubt that. You know he’s always talking about you during practice and how excited he is to be a dad.” 

“Then why doesn’t he come home to me at night?” 

Sam sighed, “I’m not sure.” 

Suddenly the garage door opened. Joe stormed in absolutely drunk. 

“Joe where have you been?” 

“Don’t worry about it Sam.” 

Sam grabs Joe by the collar of his shirt. 

“I will worry, because my pregnant sister is staying up till all hours worrying about you!” 

“I don’t know why this involves you.” 

“BECAUSE SHE'S MY SISTER!” 

“I can't do this anymore Joe” you sighed, walking out of the house. Tears start streaming down your face as you walk along the sidewalk in the pouring rain. 

“Y/N PLEASE COME BACK. I CAN EXPLAIN!” 

You just continued to walk, ignoring Joe's slurred pleas.

You didn’t know how long you were walking, but knew you’d continue until you made it to your best friend's house. 

When you got to his house you knocked on the door hoping he was awake. He immediately ran to the door and hugged you. 

“What’s happened? Joe called me in a panic, he said you left him.” 

“Andrei, I’m pregnant and tired. Can we please talk about it in the morning?” 

He sighed and let you inside, you had some clothes here because you often came here. Although unsure if any of them would fit, your baby bump, although small, was still there. Andrei had a feeling he knew what you were thinking so he grabbed one of his sweatshirts and handed it to you. 

“Thank you.” 

He smiled. 

“You know I have to let Joe know you're here, he’s really worried.” 

“I doubt he was that worried, if he truly cared he wouldn’t be out till 3 drinking. He’d be home with me!” 

You shouted. 

Andrei knew the reason Joe was being distant and now felt like the best time to reveal it. 

“You know I love you and you're my best friend, but you’ve been kinda bitchy recently. You won’t let Joe touch you, and the one time he did you started to cry and pulled away.”

“So-“

Andrei cut you off 

“I wasn’t done. He’s scared of touching you now because he’s afraid he’ll hurt you or the baby. He's afraid he’s going to be a bad father and he’s afraid that you don’t love him anymore!”  

“I love Joe more than anything in the world. How could he think I don’t?”

You let Andreis words sink in a bit more.

“He thinks he's going to be a bad father? That couldn’t be further from the truth. I-” you pause holding back the tears that threatened to spill again. “I need to speak with him, can you drive me home please?”

Andrei just nods in response and you both get into his car. Once back at the burrow house you exit the car and run inside and hug Joe.

“I’m so sorry Joe, I didn’t mean to make you feel like you'd be a bad father. I know you'll  be a great one.”  

Joe was taken by surprise but leaned in closer to the hug now slightly more sober. 

“I love you Joe”

“I love you too, baby”

[yellowocaballero]

a while back you mentioned having written ~40k of a steven moon knight fic as well as some of a frenchie fic? i was just wondering if those would ever be posted/shared or if they will stay in google docs superhell forever (also love your work!! your star wars swap au i particularly enjoyed as well as the tma evilcon + associated fics) best of days to you !!

Look at this evilcon fan over here. Deep fucking cut.

Ah, yes I have. The 40k fic was written for Marvel Trumps Hate, and I didn't post it due to some vaguely complicated but not altogether important reasons. The Frenchie fic was the unfortunate victim towards me very abruptly falling out of MK, lmfao. I think all of my fandoms have The One Abandoned Fic that I was working on when I just Got Over the fandom (Human Relations sequel, so cruelly abandoned....).

Kind of a shame, since the Frenchie fic was not bad and just got kinda roadblocked at the end. I've tossed around maybe finishing it when MKS2 comes out and I inevitably get sucked back in. I don't want to post the MTH fic on AO3 right now (maybe in the future when MKS2 comes out and I get sucked back in etc) but there's honestly no reason not to show you...I think...looking back over this, I think I may have decided that the fic's sense of humor was just too insane. It's very.......uh.....

Uh, ok, just between you and me and other people reading this then. It's a fic about a normal guy who thinks that schizophrenia makes you immortal and autism gives you superpowers.

I'll put it in a follow-up post. In the meantime here's the first few scenes from the Frenchie fic. I really do wanna finish this one day....

“A phone call?”

The jackal barked in elderly confusion.

Steven leaned back in his chair, scratching his stubble. Jake was insisting that they experiment with facial hair and it was best to let him have these little victories. “Well, under the human American law each citizen is entitled to a phone call if they get arrested. That’s probably what he means.” The jackal barked dismissively. “Have you tried telling him that?” The jackal barked again, aggravated. “I see. Quite a pickle. Well, I don’t see any harm in giving him the call. We’d have to warn him that this is a faux legal system and that he’s not entitled to any lawyers, but perhaps he could tell his wife he won’t be home for dinner? That would be nice.”

The jackal growled. 

“We could be nice,” Steven said reproachfully. 

The jackal barked again.

“If you really think about it, nothing’s stopping us. Masters of our own fates and whatnot, right? Well - yes, yes, I know the gods are the masters of our fates, that’s not quite - look, sir, there’s no point in worrying a man’s wife unnecessarily, is there? How would your wife feel if you disappeared off the mortal plane?” The jackal hung its head, and Steven sighed as he stood up. “I’ll lend him my mobile.” The courthouse only had landlines, and even then that was iffy. Magical ancient Egyptian constructs still struggled with 4G. “But if he messes about with my Twitter then we’re adding another thousand years onto his sentence.”

Situations like this were why Steven still showed up to work. This zoo often struggled at little things like this without him. The place had gone to the jackals while he was gone - literally, they had taken over many administrative positions - and it would take months just to clean up the wreckage. Steven didn’t mind - nothing made him happier than a good little routine. Ten to two, that was his preference. Downright inhumane to make a man work any longer than four hours a day. He had even scheduled a deli or restaurant to visit for lunch each day of the week. And Marc and Jake were not allowed. Steven only zone. A man’s office was his castle. Besides - if they knew what he got up to all day they might complain about it. 

The two were deeply asleep - Jake because he found Steven’s entire life dull as dirt and Marc because all of the mandated socialization they were doing lately really took it out of him. Steven found it delightful. Jake’s friends were really nice once you got to know them, and you could reliably get a pained expression out of any of them once you told them so. Marc found their whole thing exhausting and if Jake wasn’t entertained he wanted to die, so around noon the two slept like Alexander the Great’s mummy. Might as well build them little tombs. That was cute. Steven knew exactly what his own tomb would look like. He was practically a pharaoh and everything - maybe Khonshu would make sure he got one? No, Khonshu didn’t care about them nearly that much. Boy, but wouldn’t that be nice.

He gave the Bast statue guarding the elevator its usual nose pat, he smiled and waved at the lumbering shabtis, and he stopped and said his usual ‘hello how are you how’s Nephthys Osiris talking to you again yet’ to the Set statue as the jackal gave him the stink eye for holding them up. Kindness was key, Mr. Jackal. Steven believed in positive Steven-god relations. He lived in hope that the other gods would model good behavior for Khonshu and eventually sway him into becoming less of a dick. 

The ibis perched adorably in a little booth checked his identity as it picked up a little visitor’s badge with his beak and dropped it into Steven’s outstretched hand. It pecked at the computer keyboard a few times, accomplishing nothing other than mangling the G and H keys, and a series of papers ground out of the ancient fax machine. Steven cautiously reached over and fetched the papers, scanning them. They were details of the prisoner’s case, which made Steven feel a bit like one of the Forbidden Lawyers. The jackal led him down the winding paths of the jail as Steven fumbled in his pocket for his glasses, squinting down at the pages. 

“Well, this doesn’t seem too nasty,” Steven announced. “I’m sure we can get this sorted out. Certainly not a problem for our Jake, eh?” He looked at the jackal out of the corner of his eye. “Eh?” The jackal did not respond. “Right?”

Steven made the executive decision that this was a bureaucratic issue and therefore not a Marc or Jake issue. They’d just over-involve themselves and pretend they knew anything about the fake legal system. Marc and Jake were like baby brothers playing video games with you on an unplugged controller. They needed to feel like they were doing something or they’d throw a hissy fit. 

The jackal didn’t have to stop and point out the prisoner. Steven could hear him from all the way down the hall: empathetic, pointed, and incessant French patter. The man sounded like he was arguing against a parking ticket, which displayed a disappointing lack of cognizance as to the severity of his situation and the high likelihood that he was about to experience extrajudicial horrors beyond his imagining. 

Poor guy. Imagine being from France. 

For the first time in Steven’s life his shaky French that he could not actually remember learning but that Marc and Jake did not know actually came in handy. As he got closer he could more or less puzzle out what the fast talking man was saying to the two unamused and unswayed jackals. Could the jackals speak French? It had to be some magic thing. The only animals around here who could actually talk to the humans and explain to them what was happening were the baboons, and they were never polite about it.

“ - one little call! That is it! I will never darken your doorstep again, I swear it. One phone call - and, maybe, letting me go! We can talk about it, let’s talk about it! You and I, we are reasonable men - jackal, I am a reasonable man and you are a reasonable jackal - unless you are a woman? Are you a woman? You are still a jackal at any rate. You are a very reasonable gendered jackal, and I am innocent of all crimes - and even if you are a nongendered jackal, I do not judge, I have friends of all kinds - if you give me one phone call I may call one of my friends and he can help, I am certain he is friends with very many of you people -”

The man cut off the second Steven walked into view of his cell. The cells were very basic, with only a cot and a toilet and one wall of metal bars. He was standing up against the bars, fighting with the two unamused jackals standing against the cement wall in the hallway. The man’s head jolted away from the jackals and fixed on Steven, forgetting his captive audience entirely. His slicked back hair was frayed and mussed, gelled strands sticking up every which way, and his blonde mustache twitching in surprise as his eyes widened.

Steven was sympathetic. Human prisoners were always shocked to find a real bloke around the place. 

He waved a bit awkwardly, his reading glasses flopping in the air. In shaky and awkward French, he said, “Bonjour! My name is Steven Grant. And you are…” He shoved his glasses on, squinting down at the intake form. “Jean-Paul Duchamp?” He pronounced it ‘Jean Paul Dew-Champ’, and judging from the man’s twitch he had mangled it. Oh well. “Right. Do not worry, everything will be fine. You wanted a phone call? I have a phone for you.”

The man stared at him. Steven silently suffered this. He knew he was attractive. 

Finally, the man said in accented but thankfully perfect English, “I have changed my mind. May I speak with you in private, Monsieur Grant?”

The three jackals barked simultaneously. Steven rolled his eyes. Honestly! He knew he was the Avatar of Khonshu now, they didn’t need to be like that! “I don’t think that’s allowed. For security reasons and all. Not that there’s anything you could possibly do to me.” A grizzled jackal with one eye barked. “Emotional - hey! I would have you know that my Myers Briggs said I was the resilient type!” Steven considered the matter for a second. “Oh, but I did have a bad horoscope today. Maybe you’re onto something. Do we have any augurers on staff?”

“Excuse me,” Jean-Paul butted in, increasingly wild eyed, “Do you care to explain what is going on, Monsieur Grant? Because the only explanation I’ve received so far was from paperwork on papyrus and a rude baboon.”

Why was he saying his name like that? The French were so weird.  Steven leaned down slightly to whisper in the nearest jackal’s ear. “And he must have been really bad if a French guy is calling him rude.” The jackals cackled. Jean-Paul’s eye twitched. “Never fear, Mr. Duchamp. I’m sure we can get this whole thing sorted out before supper. Let’s review the details of your case, shall we?” 

“What case?”

“Oh, you’re in an ancient Egyptian courthouse for ancient Egyptian crimes,” Steven said vaguely, sliding on his reading glasses and flipping through the pages again. “Yes, the Egyptian gods are real, no they are not aliens, you better believe in ghost stories Ms. Swan you’re in one, etcetera. Alright, alright…I see…ah! There we are! Charged as accessory to one count of tomb raiding…oh, just a little asterisk here, let’s see what that’s all about…you stole from a children’s hospital!?”

“I did not know that is what we were doing!” Jean-Paul cried. “Someone tells me to fly a medical helicopter, I do not ask questions! If I made a habit of interrogating every one of my clients I would not have a great deal of clients, monsieur!”

“Organs from a -”

“It is called professionalism!” 

“It’s called evil!” Steven said, appalled. The jackals barked in agreement. “I have to say, Mr. Duchamp -”

“It’s doo-shamp. And John-Paul. Mon frere.”

Oh wow, oh no, sorry for the French microaggression. Honestly. “If it wasn’t for the fact that you betrayed your clients the second you discovered what they were stealing and refused to pilot them away you would be facing the same punishment they are. It’s quite karmic. Do you  know what Egyptian canopic jars are used for?” Jean-Paul looked a little queasy. “Exactly. Do you still want that phone call, Mr. Duchamp? You’ll receive your sentence from Thoth with or without it.”

“Then why give it to me?” Jean-Paul asked waspishly.

Steven shrugged. “I wouldn’t want your husband to worry.”

“Rest assured, I am quite single.” Jean-Paul stuck his hand out through the bars. “Give it here.”

Steven pulled up the phone function on his mobile and passed it to Jean-Paul, ignoring his thoughtful expression. He tried to convey ‘mess with my phone and I’ll mess with you’ through rigorous eyebrow tilting, but he knew he was very bad at it. 

Jean-Paul stepped back, swiping on the mobile. It did not look like he was punching in a number. Steven abruptly became anxious that he was snooping on Steven’s mobile. He had remembered to delete his text history with Layla, right? Right?!

He typed something on it before looking up, holding it up oddly to show Steven the screen before passing it back to him. “I changed my mind. No need for a call. Thank you for lending me your phone, monsieur, but it was unnecessary.”

The screen was open to the notes app. Steven abruptly felt like they were passing notes in class. Except not quite, because Steven was the Avatar of an Egyptian god and the other party was in jail for magic crimes. The note read -

marc what is the plan

Oh. Oh!

Steven looked up, and now he could clearly read the man’s irritated ‘why are you looking surprised, this is a matter of utmost secrecy’ eyebrow twitch. “Goodness, I’m so sorry. The egg is really on my face here, I’m so embarrassed.” He looked down at the jackal next to him, who twitched its ears attentively. “I think there’s been a misunderstanding. It seems -”

Steven stopped short. 

This man knew Marc. He now knew Steven. Marc really, really, really hated it when this happened.

Marc had spent the vast majority of his life masking. His family had been big believers in the ‘never talk about it and pretend it doesn’t exist’ school of mental illness, which had resulted in a great deal of very terrible problems. Marc did not learn from any of these problems and continued to hide the DID from everybody he had ever met up to and including his own wife for a depressing yet impressive length of time. Steven hadn’t really agreed with the wife decision, because it was a slightly huge aspect of their lives that was very much Layla’s business, but Marc believed in privacy. Steven couldn’t fault him for that. 

It wasn’t anybody’s business if Marc didn’t want it to be their business and they were not Marc’s actual wife. Jake spouted off about shame and internalized ableism, which was undoubtedly true, but nobody was really entitled to his health information. He had the right to self-disclose when he wanted and to who he wanted. Steven only wished that this reasonable desire did not lead to sitcom-esque hijinks as they all switched mustaches and pretended to be each other. Sometimes literally. Jake had his whims.

Marc wouldn’t want this random pilot knowing personal stuff about him. He was probably just some colleague he had worked with one time and never saw again. And Steven was very dedicated to helping Marc and making his life easier, just like Marc was dedicated to helping Steven and making his life harder. Jake was dedicated to being a bully. 

Being involuntarily outed was traumatic for Marc. The last time it happened he fell asleep for four weeks and plunged Steven into a Jake induced nightmare. What if he went back to sleep? What if he never woke up this time? What if he left Steven alone with Jake forever? He couldn’t take that chance.

Marc didn’t have to find out about any of this. No point in stressing him out over nothing. 

In a stunning show of cunning, cleverness, and subtlety, Steven looked down at the jackal next to him. “Actually, can I talk with Mr. Duchamp in private? There’s some things we need to discuss.” The jackal asked what. “Human things.” The jackal asked why it had to be private. “They’re private human things.” Steven paused a beat. “Like periods. We’re going to talk about our periods.”

The jackals knew enough about humans to know that periods were private human things and not enough to know that cisgender men did not get periods. They gave him dubious looks anyway, but when Steven mimed yanking a crescent knife from his chest they obligingly filed out. The grizzled one-eyed jackal turned around and gave John-Paul a gimlet ‘I’m watching you’ eye, but John-Paul just sniffed and looked above it all. French people sure were good at looking snooty.

The second the jackals turned the corner and disappeared from sight Steven took a deep breath and changed. 

He straightened, folding his expression into a deep scowl. He tilted his head forward in Marc’s faux intimidating fashion and affected Marc’s terrible Chicago accent - which was just as fake as Steven’s very real to him British accent, thank you very much! Jean-Paul straightened too, eyes widening again.

“What the hell?” Steven demanded. Ugh. It was hell on the throat to talk like this. “How did you even get yourself into this mess?”

“Me? I am the one in the mess?” Jean-Paul stabbed a finger at Steven, who scowled deeper. “What was that? What is this? Why are you working for an ancient Egyptian courthouse under a false identity?”

“It’s a long story,” Steven snapped. It was really easy to avoid questions as Marc. You just had to be mean. “And it’s none of your business.”

“At this point I think it is very much my business! Jesus, Marc!” Jean-Paul exhaled deeply, rubbing his forehead in a forcible attempt at zen. “What is this, some sort of op? Are you undercover?”

“I said it was none of your business!”

“This is why you don’t run the ops,” Jean-Paul said. Steven was offended on Marc’s behalf. “I am impressed at your acting skills but not at your subtlety.”

“The usual, then,” Steven said wryly. “I’m impressed with your talent at getting arrested.”

“I get it, I get it. Marc Spector twenty, Jean-Paul fifteen. I swear, Marc, only you would get yourself in these predicaments.”

“You’re the one in the predicament. I’m doing fine.”

“My predicament is your predicament.” Why would that be true? He said it so casually, as if it was a given fact. Quite presumptuous of him, in Steven’s opinion. “At least now I don’t have to waste a hope and a prayer that you would pick up your phone this time. How are you going to get me out of this one? They have a giant baboon! Have you seen the baboon!”

“The baboon’s very understanding about my medical needs, so watch it.” Wait - had he wanted to spend his one phone call on Marc? Why? They were talented, cool, and altruistic, but… “Look, I’ll do what I can. But the gods aren’t exactly easy to argue with. I’ve tried to get them to overturn a sentence before and it failed miserably.”

“That’s the first time I’ve heard my friend try to do things the legal way.” Jean-Paul folded his arms. “Just bust me out. Isn’t that more your style?”

What a suck-up. Marc didn’t have friends. Steven smiled anyway, brittle and thin. “Don’t worry, Jean-Paul. I’ll do everything I can to help you. Just please try and understand the position I’m in.”

Jean-Paul stared at him. Steven forced himself to look the other man in the eyes even though it made him uncomfortable. Marc always stared down people he didn’t trust. 

“So, uh,” Steven said, “I better call the jackals back -”

“Please admit you do not know who I am.”

Steven froze. He opened his mouth, then closed it.

Jean-Paul sighed. He kneaded his forehead again, shoulders slumped, but something about the gesture had changed. My predicament is your predicament - what did that mean? “Why didn’t you say - non, non, you would have no reason. Marc, please listen to me.” He looked solidly at Steven, and Steven found himself looking away. “It’s Frenchie. I’m your friend. We met in Afghanistan and we’ve worked together ever since. You’re having another amnesiac episode. This happens to you sometimes and it is nothing to worry about. Do you believe me about this?”

Steven opened his mouth. He closed it.

He couldn’t help it - he hunched his shoulders, clutching at his sleeve and drawing away. “I don’t have friends. You’re lying.”

“Call up Layla and ask,” Jean-Paul said. His voice was even and steady, and it struck Steven oddly. The man was literally in a jail cell about to be Egyptian tortured and he was comforting Steven? Looking out for him in a mental health episode? Did the world contain two Lukes? “Do you know Layla? Your wife? Now there’s a thief for you. I am but a humble pilot in comparison.”

That cinched it. Marc would never tell anybody he didn’t trust about Layla. Much less about what Layla really did for a living.

But Marc didn’t trust anybody. Marc wasn’t supposed to trust anybody. That was Marc’s whole thing. He only trusted Steven and Layla. He only trusted Steven and Layla and - Frenchie? What kind of nickname was that? That was so stupid.

Marc was really bad at naming things. Movie poster, pilfered ID. Frenchie. Jeez.

Steven put it down. He let his shoulders hunch back into their natural slouch, bent his voice back towards its natural tilt, and dropped the mean expression. Despite himself, he groaned. 

“Marc’s going to kill me!” Steven wailed. “He’s going to go to sleep again and leave me with Jake!”

Jean-Paul recoiled, surprise turning into shock. Wow, wow, big surprise. Marc or Jake’s friends freaking out over Steven. Stop the presses.

“He’s gonna blame me for this, you know,” Steven cried. Not whined. Nope. “This is why he doesn’t trust me with anything. As if it’s my fault that his friends keep getting arrested? Maybe I should get a little more recognition for being the only one without delinquent friends. Honestly, I don’t know why we can’t keep better company sometimes. A book club? A Dungeons and Dragons group? Anybody who doesn’t punch people for a living? Is that too much to ask?”

“Hm,” Jean-Paul said. “Your dissociative episodes have grown stranger.”

“What were they like in the military?” Steven asked, morbidly curious. “Marc didn’t even mention amnesia episodes. He can be right frustrating, you know.”

Slowly and carefully, Jean-Paul said, “Do you remember the manic episodes?”

“We’re bipolar?” Steven asked blankly.

“That is what I thought. I do not think I was correct.”

Wait. “Did you think Jake was a manic episode?”

“Jake?”

“The other one,” Steven said helpfully.

“Ah. Yes, I think so.” Jean-Paul paused - not as if he was uncertain, but as if he wasn’t sure how the words would be received. “I understand DID is a very difficult disorder.”

Something tugged at the back of Steven’s mind, then yanked. Steven felt himself fall backwards, and something else surged in him -

*

Frenchie stood in front of Marc, right in every way, wrong only in the eyes - only in the way he was looking at Marc - 

Cautiously, he said, “Steven? You look dazed.”

Dazed. That was what he’d always call it. Whenever Marc zoned out and left his body, whenever Frenchie caught him wandering listlessly around camp with no memory of having even left bed - you look dazed, Marc -

“Do you ever get tired of your front row seat?” Marc asked hoarsely.

But Frenchie just smiled - a little cockily, a little kindly. “The view is quite good.”

Marc couldn’t do this. He never could, he could never do anything - but he couldn’t do this. Humiliation crushed him, Frenchie’s affection and acceptance its strange shadow. The shadow was worse than the weight. It was the shadow he couldn’t handle. He couldn’t handle this. 

He turned on his heel and left, leaving Frenchie alone in the cell with no promise of rescue and no aid given, and he found himself walking faster until he turned the corner. The jackals were still huddled like a football team growling thoughtfully at each other, and they perked up when they recognized Marc. He ignored them, walking through the crowd until they leapt away.

Marc’s walk turned into a run. A drum beat rocked his head, pushing hard at his heart. The beat threw him forward, turning his run into a sprint down the winding cement halls. His desperation reached out and thought of a word, and once he thought it he just couldn’t stop.

Jake. Jake. Jake! Jake, I can’t do it again - Jake - !

*

Marc woke up face first in Jessica Jones’ hair clutching a bottle of Jack.

He yelped, jerking away automatically and falling off the couch with a heavy jolt. The bottle jumped out of its hands, landing on the stained wood coffee table with a heavy thump and rolling against a bulwark of beer bottles. 

Marc bolted upright, ignoring his pounding head to take inventory of his surroundings. He relaxed the second he registered where he was. Heroes For Hire apartment. Morning. Luke Cage was passed out in an armchair, sawing wood. Colleen’s bra was draped across the back of a couch. Did these people do anything other than party?

Jessica flopped over, squinting blearily at him in the morning light. Cars honked outside and traffic blared, the sound cutting harshly into his throbbing head. Jessica waved a hand limply at him. She mumbled something that Marc could somehow translate into ‘what’s your problem?’. 

Nothing. No problem. Not right now, not here. Marc climbed back onto the couch, pushing Jessica aside to reclaim his spot. Amazingly, they were barely even cuddling - their couch was one of those IKEA types that you could just keep adding onto, it was fucking ginormous. He left the bottle of Jack on the table, whiskey slowly sloshing in the glass. Jessica went back to sleep immediately, her warm breaths pressed against his back.

The sunlight faded into night, then nothing. 

*

“ - and that’s why I wouldn’t fuck Mr. Fantastic unless Sue Storm was watching.”

Marc bolted upright.

“I left Frenchie in prison!” Marc cried. 

“Man, what kind of weird dreams are you having?” Danny asked. Marc could hear his voice from behind the couch, accompanied by the rattle of silverware and the hefty scent of bacon. “I can interpret it for you if you want. The prison’s probably a metaphor for -”

“Your psyche,” Colleen intoned. 

“That’s a bit on the nose, don’t you think?” Luke said.

Marc rolled off the couch again, slouching his way to the breakfast table and collapsing in his chair. Somebody put a bowl of cereal in front of him and began shoving it in his mouth. Everybody went back to ignoring him and resumed their conversation about the most fuckable superheroes. 

“Monica Rambeau at the top,” Misty said, for what sounded like the five hundredth time. “Very top. Except my girlfriend.”

“I’m the last heir of a samurai clan, not a superhero.”

“Very top. Monica Rambeau.”

“Do you think the Avengers have these conversations about us?” Danny asked Luke. “Like, they have to, right? I don’t think they’re above it.”

“They have mimosa brunches. Man, you know they do. I don’t want to know what the hell they say about me.”

“One time Hawkeye flirted with me and I snapped his bow over my knee,” Jessica reported. “It’s about controlling the narrative, Luke.” Marc’s hand reached out and swiped bacon off her plate, cramming it into his mouth. “Watch it, asshole!”

“Morning, sleeping beauty,” Luke told him, half-amused. “Who do we got today?” Marc glared at him balefully, but he held up the ASL finger sign ‘M’ anyway. “Good to see you, Marc. You’re the early bird, huh?”

“Jake was complaining about you yesterday,” Jessica told him gleefully, as if she was snitching on her classmate to the teacher for saying the b word. “He told us all about your intimacy issues. Is it true that you yearn for acceptance, yet are terrified of receiving it?”

“And why,” Marc gritted out between clenched teeth, holding his spoon at a vicious angle, “is Jake always telling you my goddamn business?”

“He likes to vent.”

“Then tell him to shut up next time.”

Misty scraped up eggs with her knife primly. “Five times a day seven days a week. Never listens.”

“Five people live in this apartment, there is no such thing as your own business,” Colleen said, dead-eyed. “I haven’t had privacy in a year.”

“It’s not that different from the monastery,” Danny said philosophically. “Smaller, though.”

“Drunker?” Misty asked.

“Not really.”

“Damn. Guess you had to do something without television.”

Marc’s grip on his spoon tightened so hard that his bones creaked. “Then you can just go tell Jake -”

Tell me yourself. 

“Shut up, Jake! You can all tell Jake that next time he decides to overshare -” Hissy fit ten minutes after waking up, new record. “I wouldn’t throw a hissy fit if you stopped doing shit just to piss me off!” You are an egomaniac. “That is so rich.”

“Still weird,” Misty decreed. 

“Yeah, still weird,” Colleen said.

Luke cut into his hash brown. “I’m just glad that they’re all talking again.”

“Totally glad that Jake’s back to his healthy, regular state of talking to himself,” Colleen said. “Maybe soon he’ll become normal and only serial kill on weekends.”

“I know none of you care about my personal drama,” Jake said flatly, “but would a little respect be so outta line for youse?” Jessica mumbled something around her egg. “Don’t talk with your mouth full, woman, have some self-respect.”

“Steven and I were talking about going to the zoo and looking at the sloths,” Danny said brightly. “Do you still want to do that? I want to see them so bad. All we have back home are sloth bears but I don’t think they’re the same animal.”

“Sloth bears?” Misty asked.

“They mostly eat termites and ants, really,” Steven told her, “not nearly as scary as you’re imagining. Quite adorable. But nothing really beats sloths on the cuteness factor.”

“Steven! Good to catch you. When do you want to go to the zoo?”

“Oh, boy, maybe Sunday? Do we have anything on Sunday?”

I was going to get drunk.

Same. 

“Looks like Sunday’s free!” Steven paused a beat, a smile fixed on his face. “You know, fellas, I can’t help but feel as if we’ve forgotten something.”

We forget stuff incessantly, Marc said, tired. Frenchie was always dragging me out of bars I didn’t remember walking inside. 

There’s an alternate explanation for that one.

See, that’s what I thought, but Frenchie never thought so.

“Frenchie!” Steven cried. He jerked onto his feet, sending his plate rattling. “We left Frenchie in prison!”

Danny reached out and patted Steven on the forearm. “It’s okay, Steven. It was just a dream. The French can’t hurt you.”

“Not if they’re in prison, anyway,” Misty said.

Luke, the only one who ever remotely was on topic, put down his fork and looked at Steven. “Who’s Frenchie? Since when do you know other people?”

“He’s my best friend,” Marc said. He scrambled away from the table, faintly registering that he was wearing Jake’s outfit. He and Steven had their own changes of clothes in the guest bedroom, he’d have to take a minute and change. They hated wearing each other’s clothing. It felt so invasive. Jake hated polyester, Marc hated wool, and Steven hated layers in non-freezing temperatures. “Damn it, what kind of friend am I!”

Jessica squinted at him, sipping her orange juice. “Wait, you have other friends? I thought we were your only friends.”

“He’s my friend, not Jake’s. You’re Jake’s friends.”

“I’m not Jake’s friend,” Misty said.

“Jake’s my friend but I don’t like him,” Colleen said. 

“Jake’s my friend and I like him,” Danny said eagerly.

“No comment,” Luke said.

But Jessica just continued squinting at him - as if she could read something between their three faces, unremarkable individually but painting a clear picture together. “This is what stressed you out so bad yesterday, yeah?” Marc shoved the chair back into the table, averting his eyes. “Why don’t I come with you? Like, buffer zone?”

A part of Marc did want her to come. He didn’t know if that part was Jake or Steven or himself. He never knew where to put himself anymore, how to partition out his life into the good and bad. How to fit together Jake and Layla, how to give Steven the reins on the courthouse work, how to fit into the Heroes For Hire in a space carved for Jake yet welcoming of anybody. 

It was so easy. It scared Marc. 

“I can handle my own army buddy,” Marc said gruffly. He bent down and kissed Jessica on the cheek. “I’ll call.”

Marc swept out the door, ignoring Jessica calling “You better!” behind him.

[laughing-with-god]

hi!!!! could you tell us anything about the unsaid vow couple? I’d love to know their story w/o the spoilers of course! ❤️

hey I love your blog! So cool to have you in my inbox!

And yes, I do have Unsaid Vow on my Patreon but tbh...I don't really have much backstory established for them as a couple, so this was a really cool ask that made me think. (I do purposefully keep their history kinda of vague tho, as I want the reader to make their own assumptions/stories.)

anyway, here's some random headcanons

I think you guys met at a party! I picture Y/N as a student probably in her first or second year of college. Had a group project and your group partner invited you to a party they were throwing, where JK also was at

He was very popular with the girls and tbh, I think drunk Y/n just wanted some dick and he apprecitated how you didn't sugar coat that

"I don't wanna be your gf, just heard that dick was a 10/10"

He was amused, you were cute and not usually his type so he took you home for the night

Think he was a clingy little bitch after that, kept hitting you up and you probably just thought he was a fuckboy who would keep trying to hit, so you kept letting him

It wouldn't be until another guy hit on you or something that JK would get up in their face like "tf you on my girl for?" that you're like...oh?

You never really had a bf before and I see you just being like "shit, it's college and he's hot, might as well try this out for a few months."

Don't think you guys have a clear anniversary date bc of that, prob just made a guess and picked a day

Honestly I think you would think this was only gonna be like a three-four month relationship

Early college bf Jk was kinda toxic tbh but you gave him passes bc he was hot and u didn't have anything to hide

I think he would keep your location on at all times, be super defensive if you didn't

he'd try to make you delete social media saying it's so toxic for ur mental health but it's actually bc he doesn't wanna share you w the world lol

stroke game had you seeing things and agreeing to whatever istg

I think he'd have a chain or necklace or something so when he's on top you kept getting hit on the forhead with it LMFAO (why do I find that hot tho?)

Took news of your pregancy surpringly well, you were ready to ask him help for the abortion fee and he was like "why would u kill my bby when we can just raise it?"

acts of service king during your pregnacy. isn't like cuddly or sentimental but def was the guy to buy you anything you looked at twice

stepped out after you gave birth to Hugo and had a lil cry

I think it would only be until after you had his son that his family would demand to meet you, I think for some reason JK kept trying to hide you from them

actually had a good bond with Hugo as a baby. kids are difficult to understand but Jk was good with babies. feed them, change them, burp them, hold them. It was so easy and I think baby Hugo liked naping on Jk's bare chest

Anyway I'm gonna leave it at that bc I don't wanna spoil anything lol

[chthonicgodling]

Hello tumblr crew shhh cough this is DEFINITELY the first you’re hearing about this event!! I definitely didn’t liveblog it when it was happening back in May! Shh!!!

and Now-

an ✨Elysium Drama Update✨

[you are: here • two • three • four • five • six • seven • eight • nine • ten • eleven • twelve • thirteen • fourteen (the end!) ]

Starring! Loki! Tory! Maci! in a moment of— AUGHHHHHHH—

[ A peek into the active Elysium’verse, an urgent update on the adventures of TaKi Fuego, that is Tory x Loki x Maci— that is, the quintessential & quite frankly absolutely addicting weirdo not-throuple-throuple in the form of a uhhhhhh clingy BDSM situationship that has crescendoed into a BABY on the way — thusly taking over as both the star plot of current Elysium & also the only thing *i* can think about for the past many months. Got it? Good. ]

• Here we are finally tuning into Elysium immediately following the series of montage slice of life & context moments posted previously! In which everything is chugging along nice and sexy and cute and EeL’s coping with his personal anxieties and—

🤯💣OH LOKI’S NOT COPING AT FUCKING ALLL IS HE

• FIRSTLY full disclosure the following series of events shown here (and that which will follow) took place in May- I just draw slow. But here and now a collective GASP please because, true to nature- EeL wrecks things when he's nervous. Oops!

SECONDLY & more importantly a special starry eyed credit & thank you to my partner in crime hiatus’d @fenixethekid - aka Tory & all orange text - for continually making me lose my mind enough to draw a TEN PAGE COMIC and also SO MUCH MORE ON DECK raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA

• I have so much more to say but at the risk of pontificating fucking endlessly I’ll save it (for my stories?? lmao) - I think this clip of events speaks for itself.

[ …I spent an absurd amount of time on this so. pwease LOL feedback is so appreciated this time lmfao Like ???I say this about everything I draw but,, magnum opus fr??? it IS the longest comic I’ve ever drawn…… anyway. Teeheee.?? pls & Ty🥺👉👈 ]

• Finally - WHAT HAPPENS NEXT??? WHERE IS HE?!?! WILL HE FUCKING COME BACK?!?! ARE YOUR HEARTS BROKEN LIKE MACI AND TORY (and ME) — AND WILL IT GET FIXED?!?!?!?! SOBS WE’LL,, JUST HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE—

stay tuned!!

[ ahem the credits roll. Tory is Fenixe’s, Maci is mine, EeL is— coughing fit but, mine, really. All green and pink text is mine, all orange text is Fenixe’s, this is a fully canon convo taken straight from the source as it PIERCED ME IN THE HEART and I hope you too💞 thanks for following alongggggggg!! ]

[taniushka12]

10, 11, 12 for the ao3 wrapped game!

10. What work was the quickest to write?

Both Knight in shining armor and Intermission! I wrote both for a February ficlet challenge so it took me a day, maybe two to write each one which is INSANE for me sdfsdfdfg

11. What work took you the longest to write?

hmm.... I Think it would be What literary agents -and friends- are for (my alan/barry yuri smutfic that is only 15% smut and 85% dialogue), according to my stats it took me three months to write that bad girl u_u im not... really good writing smut, lmfao

12. How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

uffff.... like six wips! There are two of those that I've actually already finished and only need editing (a small alwake/control crossover and a barry angst fic) which id Love to finish before the end of the year, but who's to say ¯\_(😔)_/¯ and then you have:

Solar Eclipse (pre canon alan/barry)

Missing Connection (name pending) (a sorta alwake/quantumbreak crossover? its an alan & tim conversation and paul is heavily mentioned and some parallelisms with barry are made. this goes to the fans of best friendisms)

Widdle Waby Otters (for the podcast wolf359, the otp literally sleeping together in zero g <3)

and of course the creme de la creme, the piece de resistance, Wish You Were Here 😌 (alice and barry spending alan's birthday together four years after his presumed death)

[ao3 wrapped writer's edition]

[problematicraccoon]

details about my better teenhood dr bc im losing my mind over it

(TW: MENTIONS OF SA AND STALKING and also i get real emo, my apologies)

okay so first of all, im not really reliving my teen years in their entirety- im shifting back to being 17, only a few days after my birthday.

mainly because some crazy shit happened on my 17th birthday in my cr, and it ended with me being betrayed by two of my 'best' friends during a big fight, who sided with my assailant/stalker instead of me. the day i spawn in is the day that happened. and i know that sounds stupid, like why tf would anyone wanna relive a day like that. but im gonna slightly tweak it.

in this reality, i was raised by my badass aunt Isla (fc Daphne Zuniga). she's like a big sister/aunt/best friend/mom all rolled into one, and we're extremely close, and she's very protective of me.

in my cr, no one defended me. i've taken to referring to myself as the 'attack dog friend', because i have always been the one to fight for my friends, to send paragraphs to people that hurt them or get in somebody's face for groping them, ect. but no one ever did the same for me. same goes for when my two best friends blamed me for what happened, and my other friends didnt even mention the situation. everyone kinda stopped talking to me after that.

but in my dr, i have a group of super close friends that defend me from the two that betray me. they send paragraphs to them, block them, and support me. my aunt ends up on the phone with their mom and absolutely loses it on her lmfao T0T

my reasoning for shifting back to quite possibly the worst day of my life is because i wanna fix it. i want to know what it feels like to be loved and supported instead of abandoned. this is my way of healing i suppose.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE here's some cute shit im excited for <3

-me and my best friends are gonna go to this big ball in a couple months, one that i went to with them in my cr, i just really wanna experience it again, it was so fun.

-the ball is where me and my dr crush end up confessing to each other JFAOIWEJRKANEIAJW

-MY CATS AND DUCKS AND COW :D we have three girl black cats, Arson, Murder and Mayhem. we have four ducks, Table Lamp, Carbohydrate (Carby), Heeby Jeeby, and Choi Soobin. and we have a brown cow named Annaliese that my little sister named :)

-my little siblings <3 Phoebe and Eric. they're fraternal twins, 9 years old, and born on May the 4th (the girls who get it, get it)

-Phoebe is like those creepy ass kids on horror movies. she's quiet, usually, and she always looks like she's plotting world domination. she's insanely smart and very sarcastic. she's obsessed with bugs. im a teeny bit scared of her lmfao. her face claim is Mara Wilson

-Eric is the sweetest little guy to have ever existed. he loves to sing and draw, and is very giggly and silly. he annoys the shit out of Phoebe T0T (she still loves him tho) he's very sensitive and very empathetic. he always cries when he sees a stray dog or cat and is always trying to convince us to take in strays. his face claim is Eric Lloyd.

-my aunt/mom Isla is very weird and very eccentric and very funny. she's very spiritual, like i am, and taught me how to astral project, manifest, reality shift, do tarot card readings, cartomancy, spells, stuff like that. she knows i'm a shifter, so i can tell her about my other drs and she tells me about hers. we always script each other into our drs <3 she's a giant feminist and she took me to my first protest when i was like 10. she's soft and kind but she'd 100% kill a man for me and my siblings. she's rollin with the lgbt like me, so i can be queer openly <3

-SLEEPOVERS AND 3AM SNACK RUNS WITH THE DUDES. TRAMPOLINE PARK WITH THE DUDES. ROLLERSKATING WITH THE DUDES. HIKES WITH THE DUDES. ROADTRIPS WITH THE DUDES. im gonna have a freak out i miss my friends so much.

-i scripted a tweaked version of the Leverage: Redemption plot into this dr. Breanna is a part of my friend group, and she and i are hopelessly pining after each other (until the night of the ball IFHAOIHEFH)

-dear god my clothes T0T i cannot wait to play dress up fr

-all the women in my family have psychic/empathic abilities that develop around the age of 10. we also have occasional prophetic dreams/visions.

-i never got to meet my maternal grandmother Joyce in my cr, as she died a long time before i was born, but i scripted she's still alive in my dr and we're very close. im finally gonna get to meet her T0T i cant wait to hug the shit out of her. she was so amazing yall i cant wait to get to know her.

-i have one of those pink american flags with Chaewon from Lesserafim on it lmfao. i love being a patriot <3

[swifty-fox]

𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬!

thank you @antiquitea for the tag! ✨ sorry I made u feel oldTM

tagging in @bucking-mustangs-with-wings @bitchsister @sig-nifier and @avonne-writes!

questions and responses under the read more to save your dashboards 😉

how many works do you have on ao3?

only eleven!!

what's your total ao3 word count?

115,430 (and most of that is probably kfak and one old guard fic lol)

what fandoms do you write for?

Currently only for Masters of the Air but I've also written for The Old Guard (my bewoved)

and wolfstar and aftg but i wont touch those again for various reasons lol

top five fics by kudos

my kingdom for a kiss upon your shoulder - Buck x Bucky (Masters of the Air) 528 kudos

Make Me A Saint - Joe x Nicky (The Old Guard) 448 Kudos

press your tired hands against my lips darling - Buck x Bucky (Masters of the Air) 432 Kudos

Little Beast - Buck x Bucky (Masters of the Air) 368 Kudos

The Calcification of a God - Joe x Nicky (The Old Guard) 294 Kudos

do you respond to comments?

yesss i try to respond to every single comment. After the first 48 hours of a fic/chapter being posted I do get lazy with it but I do get around to everyone eventually!

what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

In another life maybe you and i will be walking down the aisle in white (The Old Guard (Movie 2020)) (18,264 words) lol It's got MCD in it cause I was #coping after losing my grandmother. It was really well received though

what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhhhmaaaa....Kfak WILL be?? probably????? Or Little Beasts AU but im so far out from finishing that. The first two endings are pretty emotionally ambiguous I wouldn't quite call them happy.....so maybe

Oh Captain, My Captain! (Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling) (1,612 words) (wolfstar) even though its angsty and kinda implying Remus is dying lmfao

do you get hate on fics?

I got like one comment on a recent chapter that I wasn't sure was hate but otherwise no not really! People seem to receive my stuff really well

do you write smut?

LOL if you asked me four months ago I would have said no <3

craziest crossover?

I don't really do or read crossovers! I did a few years ago start concepting a Wolfstar x Eastern Promises au though

have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope! I've had art stolen though. Someone even got it tattooed without my permission which pissed me off pretty bad lol

have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yeah I have lol. I orphaned it though cause the fellow author and I had a massive falling out over Peter fucking Steele of all things

all time favorite ship?

Always and forever Malec from The Mortal Instruments (BOOK ONLY) or DaveKat (Homestuck)

what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I started a really fucking awesome supernatural horror that took place in rural Maine for Wolfstar as well as actually a Fae/WWII au (inspired by the Bastogne episode of BOB) that I will not be finishing for... reasons.

The ringing in Remus’ ears is so loud he almost doesn’t hear Sirius. There’s a sharp pain on his tongue, rot and muck coating his taste buds. He cannot breathe, his hands shake. He thinks he may be making a noise. In his head there is a voice. His mothers his voice except he doesn't have a mother does he? Not since he was seventeen and whole. His mother’s voice crooning in his ear as she once did around the green 1960’s kitchen.

There’s a bird who sits on a tower. There’s a bird who sits on a tower - who sits on a tower, with beady eyes so clever.

Where did that scar come from?

“А bird who sits on a tower…” He mutters. 

“Pardon?” Sirius asks, snapping Remus out of his thoughts. 

He starts. 

The cabin is up ahead, peeking between the snowy trees like a warm wooden refuge and even at the sight of it Remus feels an uncurling of nerves in his gut. His flesh settles back onto his bones and the ringing eases back to a manageable level. He watches a sodden bloody bee drag her dying body across the dashboard. 

“Cults...you were saying?” - Factis ut credam facis

-

“Hello there Sir Raven.” He says with a chuckle “I don’t suppose you’re one of the King’s are you? Or Churchill perhaps. That would be quite a long way to travel.” 

Sirius puffs up his feathers and clacks his beak at the Man because even though he didn’t quite understand what the Man meant, he knew a compliment when he heard one. Bravely, he hops closer, the warnings of his parents and even of James ringing in his ears. But the shiny thing is dangling free and curious from the Man's neck and he must know what it is. 

“Haha. What a handsome fellow, handsome indeed. Much more well fed than we all are.” The Man laughs, setting aside his Paper and rummaging around in his Clothes. “Still, I bet pickings are getting a bit slim nowadays, even for a clever old Raven. Have you had digestives before?” 

He holds out a hand, nearly as large as Sirius himself and as elegant and pretty as the branches of a willow. All of the Man was like a tree, sharp lines and slightly less sharp curves. There was something in his hand, sweet-smelling and crumbly. Sirius turns his head first one way then the other, regarding the hand with both beady eyes as the warnings of his people ring in his ears. James' voice be careful plays at the forefront and he shakes out his wings in irritation. Man would catch him. Man would hurt him. Capture him and take him away never to be seen again like his Uncle Alphard. Man did not understand magic and magic did not like Man and so Sirius too, did not like Man. Men who burned and tore apart forests, who killed his kinfolk and killed animals and killed each other. And really, Sirius just wanted to understand. It could not be this man, with his quiet words and his offer of food who had destroyed his people. Surely there were other men, cruel men, who had done this and so it would be okay for Sirius to be brave and a little bold. 

“That’s a handsome old boy.” The Man whispers. 

Well that does it then, surely no evil Man would notice how beautiful I am. He must be like my other man with the Paper. Sirius thinks, leaping into the air just long enough to snatch the prize from the Man’s hand and retreat far enough away to devour the sweet treat with his clever beak. It was delicious, dry and crumbly and so sweet that it makes him shiver. He hops boldly onto the Man’s hand, searching for the last crumbs of the food between the cracks and crevices of his skin. - untitled WWII/Fae fic

what are your writing strengths?

Apparently heartwrenching angst <3

what are your writing weaknesses?

I think i don't linger over things long enough, I feel like i can dive more deeply into feelings and scenes if I just stopped and contemplated over them lol

thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I think when done right it adds a lot! I like when authors put the translations at the bottom of the fic/chapter though

first fandom you wrote in?

ouughaaa Probably Maximum Ride back in the late aughts

favorite fic you've written?

Sorry y'all it's definitely Kingdom for a Kiss haha

[fadedsaturated]

My GMMTV 10's List.

Theory of Love: First GMMTV binge. Gobbled it up in between waiting for new episodes of 2Gether. Weaker beings find the romance frustrating and the characters unlikable but man this shit HIT for me at the time. Off's character is SUCH a bastard, I loved watching the narrative beat the shit out of him for the entire second half. So much fun.

2Gether: The glorious gate key to my BL obsession. Like most, I happened upon this during covid lockdown and it practically saved my life. I ached for this show, for months. Shame it shatters to pieces after like episode 9. Still, most of the show I really loved, and Still 2Gether fixed pretty much all my complaints anyways so it as a whole package is really just a big warm hug of a show.

Bad Buddy: I rewatch that Rooftop kiss when I want to feel something. Truly transcendent. I wish big swaths of the show weren't so full of dead air. Another show that scratches every itch I could want in a story and couple, I just think it could have been polished up JUST a tad. The beach scene with the band sound design is BRUUTTAALLL lol. Love this show.

My School President: Perfect. No notes. Every song is a fucking banger and FourthGemini KILL. This is THE vibe show for me. If I had to make ANY tweaks, the first episode is kinda rough, but once episode two shows Tinn's side of the story it FLIES.

Enchante: Waited three years to watch this cus everyone said it really shit the bed in the last half. I'm mad at myself for not watching it sooner. ForceBook as adorable best friends to lovers will now fuel me for YEARS. Oh Iove them I'm sick. Are the last two episodes kind of a bummer? Yeah, but it still ends really sweet enough to not ruin the show at all.

Last Twilight: I literally couldn't binge this one. I had to take one to two day breaks between each episode because I would sob so hard I'd get headaches and had to stop LMFAO. This show kicked my ass, that sunset scene?????? I'll never recover.

Only Boo: The most fun I've had with a BL in a very long time. It kinda kickstarted my love for them again this year after having took a break for a few months. Sweet, saccharine, adorable, pink, glittery, hilarious, beautiful, with great songs. This is sugary pop goodness and after the finale aired I lied in bed all day sick with post series hangover. My babies.

Peaceful Property: Despite not being a BL I knew this show was gonna be for me when I watched the pilot trailer and it was about four quirky idiots forming a found family and exorcising ghosts. The actual show was that and so much more. I cried pretty much every episode and this is literally the vehicle that got me on board with TayNew. I'd easily call this show a masterpiece, and there's enough queer ship tease that this is pretty BL adjacent.

[bright-and-burning]

hii i saw you posting about your job and you work with code/data, right?? do you mind explaining a little bit of what you do? i’m a data scientist and i get excited to find fellow computer/data ppl in the wild. (also i’m having a bit of a career crisis and have been wondering what else i could do with my skills lol)

omg hello fellow data person <3 i feel like there’s surprisingly few of us around here (in comparison to the lawyer population of f1blr lol). thinking carefully abt how to explain my job w/o self doxxing akdhskhd. the short answer is i do something different on a monthly (if not weekly) basis basically 😭

(the doing something different all the time is actually kind of wonderful for me personally; when im sick of a project i know ill have like maximum another month of working on it all the time and then im free.)

the long answer is…

i work in the public sector on a research team. we do a LOT of things for only being like. a dozen people. *i* do a lot of things. i work a ton with demographic data, and mobility data, and GIS data (usually all together), to name a few bits and bobs, which is fun. i do a lot of what we call foundational research, which is like. maintaining and improving datasets/databases and tools for quick requests and easy periodic updates for dashboards/reports/etc. i don’t have the subject area expertise/background most of my coworkers have (lots of phds in a field i LOATHED in undergrad lmfao), but i do eat sleep breathe python, so. i ask a lot of silly questions abt acronyms and concepts, and in return they get the analysis they wanted about 10 hours earlier than they expected.

technically speaking i mostly work with python, sql, arcgis, and i guess excel if you wanna count that (although when i have to use excel i get grumpy). i get to write memos w my cute little data visualizations and maps sometimes, and contribute to reports and presentations, but mostly i put out fires, keep the data im responsible for up to date and thriving (i think im at like. four Very Different datasets im in charge of now?? maybe five actually), and fulfill various pull requests

idk what you do rn anon but having had experience in data science in finance… i like this uhhh so much better. i can’t even talk abt the most fun bits of my job bc they’re the most specific LOL but idk in finance i was never gonna be switching between exploring the spatial logic of shifts in employment numbers over time and proving [redacted federal agency’s Very Very Well Known Household Name numbers] wrong to their faces, much less in a two week span.

and at the end of the day i can walk around town and point to physical shit like “oh yeah i helped make this project happen, and i proved the usefulness of This project, and—” (as one mutual who shall not be named knows bc i literally worked on a project that took away their street parking LOL) while also knowing that i’m like. contributing to tangibly helping people (the street parking disappeared for BIKE LANES. OK.)

also the benefits are great. i will shill so hard for government vacation benefits lol. but i also have a lot of friends in data science that do very different things from me, so if you ever wanna slide in the dms i can talk more specifically abt that and more specifically abt what i do. please feel free!!

[here2bbtstrash]

your votes are in! part 2 survey results ✨

i asked, and y'all answered!!! 👀

as mentioned a few times before, the survey is not closed - i won't update it with new works moving forward, but i will keep an eye on it if anyone decides to run back and add votes! so please don't feel like it's too late, esp if you're new and still catching up on the porn (there is A LOT of porn. pls take your time and stay hydrated okay 😵‍💫)

but since it's been about a week, and new votes have slowed down, i thought it'd be fun to do a reveal of the top 10 results as things currently stand! sticking them below the cut - join me, won't you? 🍷

at #10, with 40 votes, we have... moving day! i was honestly surprised to see this one crack the top 10, but i should know better than to underestimate the yoongi hoes at this point. y'all love your delusional long-haired boyfie content, and who am i to deny you that??

at #9 (my lucky number 👀), with 42 votes, we have... it's sweet! shocked to see a fluff fic crack the top 10 honestly, but let's be real, the taehyung hoes are THIRSTY (anyone who follows jai already knows this 😂) - i promise i'll write more for y'all soon, and that the next one will actually feature smut!!!

at #8, with 43 votes, we have... park and ride! (and technically also its sequel, five minutes!) y'all really said give us a part three mother 😭 and jokes on you because i have an idea for a part three *and* a part four for these two. you'll never be free of them lmao!!

at #7, with 45 votes, we have... the spins! i'm happy to see this one here!! i love this couple and i've wanted to do a sequel for them for AGES, though i swear my idea for what i actually want to do changes every few months 😂 guess i gotta decide on one!!!

at #6, with 51 votes, we have... sunday! idk why i didn't expect this one to rank omg!! i don't feel like i write jin particularly well, and i especially thought that level of BDSM would be too much for some 🙈 but i have learned y'all are freaks who like crying during sex.... huh...... DULY NOTED 👀📝

halfway there, time for the big hitters! at #5, with 54 votes, we have... party on you! ahhhhh this one makes me happy to see 🥲 forever AMAZED and ECSTATIC that my most popular fic on this blog is a hoseok fic!!! i want to write a million billion more hobi things this year, and i will certainly see what i can do about circling back to these two cuties. at the very least there shall be more ass-eating in 2023!! 🎉🍑

at #4, with 58 votes, we have... deep end! joon hoes with TWO appearances on the board, we love to see it 👏 i loooove that y'all are down not only for period smut, but for some of the risks i took with using more flowery/poetic language in this one! i had so much fun trying something new, i'd love to revisit this couple and that writing style again!!

at #3, with 59 votes, we have... two in one! y'all. no. i'm shook. wig FLEW, wig in the STRATOSPHERE. say WHAT?!?!?! the first fic i ever posted on this blog, my most self-indulgent work (actually it might not be the Most lmfao but it's UP THERE) - i'm. NUMBER THREE?!?!??! okayokayokay 👀 i see y'all 👀 we're gonna have a verrrrry fun jihope month next month aren't we?!?! 😈

at #2, with 65 votes, we have... the shape of your body! oh man 🥺 i'm almost, like, emotional to see this one rank so high. this fic is so so personal and dear to me, and was a BIG leap for my writing in a lot of ways. the fact that the response has been so overwhelmingly positive, and that so many of y'all read all 24,000 words of that fic and said you want MORE. i can never put into words how much that means to me 🙇‍♀️ it's hard for me to think of a whole plot for a sequel - bc i wrote so damn much already 😂 but lemme see what i can do to at least cook up a drabble or two (if you have ideas, keep 'em in your back pocket for jihope month 👀)

and finally... at #1... with 70 votes... no one is surprised 😂 - it's drip! ahhhhh squirt god min yoongi. we meet again. i will never live this fic down lmfaoooo. and funny... doesn't he have a birthday coming up soon? i could've sworn... 👀💦💦💦

alright besties!!! i'd love to know your thoughts!!! any surprises? any you're happy to see?? anything that didn't make the list that you're about to get out the torches and pitchforks over??? i wanna hear it all, so drop me a comment or an ask and let me knoooow!! 🎤💜

(for me, it's babygirl missing out on the top 10 by two votes... but it's fine i'm fine... 😭)

also can i just say - look at y'all, getting ALL OF OT7 ON THE BOARD??? we fucking love to see it!!! equal opportunists on this blog! yaaaaaaas porn for everybody!!! 👏👏👏

[celestie0]

ELLIE i didn’t know you wanted to go to med school 😍 what a smartie pants

if you need help with apps or anything pls lmk i might even come off anon for you 🫢 because i just got accepted this cycle!

- 🐝 anon

OMG HIIIII BABY AAA I ACTUALLY GOT INTO THIS CYCLE TOO <333 got news from my 1st 4th choice school a few months ago 😭💕 CONGRATS TO US THO WHAT A FUCKIGN TREACHEROUS JOURNEY can officially burn my kaplan books LMFAO

i was sooo fuckin nervous cuz i only got four secondaries (applied to like 25 schools lmfao) and two interviews but🤞🏼😍 you just need one to accept ya‼️🤪 hope cycle wasnt too stressful for you like it was for me 😭😭

oh jk i just checked i applied to 18 schools lol but still that secondsry to schools ratio had me sweating but it might be cuz i took the mcat in early july and was waiting on that score 😭😭 omg the MESS & anxiety i experienced last year

thank uuu tho dear yea apps were rough i wldnt have been able to do them without help fs 😭 omg how excitinf we’re gonna be the same graduating class :””)

- ellie 🌸

[yatgb]

Seven Sentence Sunday babeyy

bc i have these wips im rotating on constant loop and i need to scream while im finishing them. None of them are even named yet ill cross that bridge when i get to it and yea theyre BOTH splatoon. Omg no way who would have guessed

thank u @theghostofashton for technically tagging me and also giving me inspo to do this <3 (and also, in true inspired-by-neha fashion, neither of these are 7 sentences LMFAO)

Fic 1; agent 8 angst (eighngst if you will) with a side of agent24

A gust blows into her face, spraying salt onto her tentacles and the call of night-time seagulls into her ears. A cool feeling washes over her, as she closes her eyes and tucks her knees to her chest. It's a sense of calm. The kind that loosens the vice grip around her ribcage and makes her relax into the weight of gravity. The waves make a nice sound, too. A gentle shushing in her ears, as if it's the ocean telling her don't cry, you're alright. Everything is okay now. Shh, shh… The sand is crunchy under her hands, and the dry grains sift through her fingers and leave a cool sensation between them. If the earth was a little softer, Eight could imagine sleeping here.  The sand crunches behind her. Someone else's footsteps. "Figured you'd be here." Eight bit her cheek, curling in on herself. A pang of guilt jabbed at her chest; she didn't tell anyone where she went before she left.  Three took another crunchy step closer, flip flops slapping against their feet. "Are you alright?" They asked. "Sorry," Eight blurted, crossing her arms over her knees. "Someone got worried, didn't they?" Three snuffed, something of a laugh. "Eh, Four just gets worried easily. He figured you went somewhere, but you don't really have a phone he could call." Right. She still hadn't gotten a phone. That should probably happen soon. She could only rely on her laptop for so much. "...Yeah. I, um… I will be going home soon, I just… needed some of the time alone." "Oh, you're good." She could feel the smile in their voice. "Don't rush, I can just tell 'im where you been." Their feet crunched on the sand. "Should I, um… d'you want me to leave?" Eight's hearts thumped in her chest. They're asking to stay? She kind of wanted them to. The ocean was a fine friend, but Three was also a comforting presence. "You… can stay. If you want to."

Fic 2: agent 8 and 4 being goofy roommates in honor of pride month

"Hey, Callum?" Eight called over her shoulder. "Yo!" Callum answered from the kitchen. "Quickest of questions." She turned in her seat, looking back to find him coming into the living room with a bendy straw stuck into a glass soda bottle. "Is today special somehow?" Callum's eyemask scrunched in thought. He tugged at the sleeve of his T-shirt, blowing bubbles into his straw. "Hmmm… I don't think so. What do you mean?" Eight tapped her fingers on the edge of the couch. "Well, Pearl has been going… the nuts on Splitter. More than usual." She squinted at her Splitter feed again, and refreshing the page found a new post. PEARLOTH: happy girlcock wednesday to all who celebrate ❤️❤️ and sis im ALL about the confetti

"And… she keeps using words I do not know yet."

[clear-what-i-was-seeing]

Get to know me 

tagged by the wonderful and amazing @petrowriting!! thank you <3

Share your wallpaper: 

This one’s my home screen, I took a photo of a cabbage when I was like 12 years old and did something to invert the colours and have had it ever since lmao. My lockscreen is this fanart of Will Graham because it’s amazing and gorgeous and I’m obsessed with it

The last song you listened to: Through Me (The Flood) also by Hozier alksdaslkdhf. i’ve been obsessing so much it’s such a good song. i have maybe described listening to this song as a religious experience too many times for someone who has never had an actual literal religious experience 

Currently reading: 100 pages into the Red Dragon book and it is a trip lmfao. it’s so fun seeing the ways the dialogue was repurposed, and the prose is wow, but ohhh boy. thomas harris. babe. get help<3

Last movie: Jane Austen Book Club! i love grigg very much despite his stupid name. gonna start alternating between hugh dancy and mads’s movies bc I’ve been doing that accidentally I think lmao. Last three movies I did went like Confessions of a Shopaholic -> Charlie Countryman -> Jane Austen Book Club. but on the other hand I deeply need to watch like four hugh dancy movies as soon as possible for emotional reasons 

Craving: For it to be like a week from now so I’m healed from my wisdom teeth surgery. also to have no work or responsibilities for a month and just be able to write and read hannigram fics aslkdf. 

What are you wearing right now: this is my first time not being in pyjamas since getting the aforementioned wisdom teeth out lmfao. black pants and dark blue t-shirt

How tall are you: 5’3 </3

Piercings: love the aesthetic yet terrified of getting it done and also them catching on things. I got these clip-on gothic glow-in-the-dark dragon earrings a bit ago from a targeted instagram ad (my first and last time ever doing so) because I have zero impulse control, and they broke immediately. 

Tattoos: none, but have been microwave-spinning the concept of getting a hannibal tattoo since I watched. the heart from primavera would be so cool

Glasses? Contacts?: Glasses, my eyesight is deeply blurry without them

Last drink: classic water, big big fan of the stuff. reminds me of nbc hannibal because because there was water in the show a lot

Last show: watched two episodes of The Last of Us at like 5am yesterday, it was great. also perpetually rewatching hannibal by getting everyone I know to watch, and then watching with them

Last thing you ate: soft tofu in broth. there are, not a lot of vegan post-wisdom-tooth food options (also I’m very picky lmao), so I’ve been rotating between that, vegan ice cream, mashed potatoes, and vegetable smoothie for like 3 days. 

Favorite color: ohhh this is painful, is it a cop-out to say all of them? Big big fan of purple, orange with purple, green, and blue. 

Current obsession: it’s been hannibal and nothing else for 9 months now, and im going strong

Unrelated obsession: not sure if this counts exactly but there’s a writing app where you set a timer and start typing, and if you stop typing for longer than 5 seconds it deletes everything, and it’s so cool. I’ve been calling it stream-of-consciousness writing in my head for like a year bc it’s like a personal stream-of-consciousness even though ik that is not how to use that term alksfhd. I do 3 or 5 minute sprints and store them in one document, then have a second document where I edit and refine, and for a few I’ve put them side to side and colour-coded all my changes and it’s so fun

Any pets: two cats! Miles, my grey one, is extremely sweet, and possibly too smart for his own good. My other one Chico has a very adorable snaggle-tooth, and is incredibly stupid <3. he’s very bad at knowing what direction he’s going or recognizing any parts of the world around him and I love him very much.

Do you have a crush on anyone?: only in that vague abstract way, almost without direction, catching little wisps of the concept of the feeling from scattered bits of interactions with the world around me

Favorite fictional character: im absolutely refusing to choose between hannibal and will so im listening them both and you can’t stop me

The last place you traveled: i’ve literally gone nowhere since the pandemic started </3. i’m in Canada and the furthest I’ve been is just one city to another in the same province like 1.5 hours away. Hopefully going to Italy in the summer though!!

Tagging: @stranded-labyrinth, @valentinsylve, @elvislefilm, @disaster-vampire, @sacha-da-1, @dreamed-itself-waking, @em0fagz, @cannibaltranssexual, @hisjimct, @im-urchin, @ghostforwhat, @f0undationsofd3cay, @det395, @a-pigeons-soliloquy, @mysterist, and anyone else who wants to!

zero pressure, also i’m always v forgetful with tagging so if i missed anyone sorry and ily!