#only to rest for 6 weeks go in and do The Exact Same Thing. get told wait 6 weeks and follow up.

[babyloniastreasure]

no but like fr why do they call it a primary care provider when they Never provide even the most basic care?

you walk in with ANY ailment. pain, fever, swelling, migraines, med changes, unusual symptoms, seeking INFORMATION even. and they say, ‘I can’t help you with that.’ if you’re lucky, you get ‘I’ll write you a referral’

bro didnt you go to school for this? aren’t you a doctor? why cant you help me? what care are you providing me? a google search is better help than you are.

[vashtijoy]

have you seen the commentary from the p5r artbook going around? the shuake part of my dash is losing it a bit at the implication that their wishes were mutual!!! that seems to be what some people are getting from the commentary at least… amy insights?

Hi! I have been through the artbook. It's great, isn't it? :D

The image above is called "One Ending", and the creator caption (by illustrator Akane Kabayashi) reads:

When I think about how Akechi's wish was to play chess after school with the protagonist, I almost want to call him out with "You liked him after all, didn't you!"

Look at that. We're told about Akechi's wish, and what it included. We're as good as told outright that he likes Joker—and this isn't the only time, there's also this:

—There are a whole lot of things we can imagine, based on how the protagonist was depicted as someone special to Akechi. Those are more or less the exact emotions represented during Akechi's confidant. (Mumon Usuda, chief designer)

"someone special" here is 特別な存在 tokubetsuna sonzai—literally "a special presence". It means a special person, and more than that; it describes someone you find compelling, someone you can't look away from, someone who becomes one of your most important people, the centre of your world. It's another term that is often romantic, but isn't necessarily romantic.

(In the same way, I think Kabayashi's suki jan! is more tongue-in-cheek than it is a cast-iron confirmation that Akechi was canonly in love with Joker. The language there is teasing, it's ambiguous, it's baity; Kabayashi is joking. This is a rank 6—as they say, if you know, you know. But it is of course ultimately up to all of you.)

There's another mention of this image, down in the creator interview:

Out of all the Maruki ending illustrations, it was Akechi's that stuck with me the most. It made such an impression to see them opening up as friends, having a fun, peaceful time together like high school students should. (Mumon Usuda, chief designer)

What really strikes me in all of this is the emphasis the creators put on the fact that this is Akechi's illustration, Akechi's wish. Because I've thought for a while that we know Akechi has a wish. You can see him struggling with his refusals to Maruki in the first week of January. And you can hear his wish spoken—when Maruki repeats it back to him, during the boss fight, on 2/3:

Maruki {F1 81}君たちとなら、君も過ちのない道を歩めるかも知れないじゃないか！ {F1 81}-kun-tachi to nara, kimi mo ayamachi no nai michi o ayumeru kamoshirenai ja nai ka! If you're with {F1 81}―kun and his friends, you could begin to atone for what you've done! Think about it! With [Amamiya]-kun and his friends beside you, you could choose a path with no mistakes as well!

So this wish has several parts. First, there's that kimi mo, "you also"; it's tempting to read this as Maruki also wanting his new world to erase his past mistakes. Second, there's the first part, "if you're with [Amamiya]-kun and his friends". Where to even start here?

Being with Joker and the others is a prerequisite for the second half of Akechi's wish. It doesn't just coexist, it enables the rest of it. Just like his words in the engine room, "I wonder why we couldn't have met a few years earlier, [Ren]..."

Remember, Akechi's whole arc is about his rejection of trust and friendship, and his insistence on doing everything himself. This is precisely what Futaba calls him out on—"you trusted no one", or "you played life in single-player mode". This is what he unlearns at the climax of the engine room, when he realises he isn't prepared to let the others die—and follows through to save them.

Akechi is nothing without others, and he knows it. Without their support, which he believes he has no right to, he has no hope of living a better life, even were he to be given the chance—and he knows that, too. He has learned, and he has grown—and yet he knows the things he needs and wants so badly are forever inaccessible.

And his wish is about all the Phantom Thieves, not just Joker. There are many tiny references to this end—not least the original Japanese rank 10 line for his confidant, where he sacrifices himself for all of you. Joker is his compelling presence, his someone special, but he's formed small bonds with the others too, God help him.

and then there's the crime thing

The localisation frames Akechi's wish in terms of atonement, but that's not what's on offer. You cannot, after all, atone for things you never did. We see Akechi's wish put into practice, in the Maruki ending, where he appears with his friends beside him, wholly innocent and with unstained hands. And we see it in the first week of January, after he has finally met Maruki and spoken to him:

Akechi: Ah, that reminds me—there was one more thing I wanted to tell you. Akechi: About the reality Maruki's put us in... Akechi: It seems that Okumura and Wakaba are both considered alive by all accounts. [Ren: They're not dead anymore? / What do you mean?] Akechi: They aren't mere illusions, or cognitive beings—they truly are alive and existing in this world. Akechi: In fact, their deaths seem to have never taken place at all in this reality. [Ren: What happened to Shido?] Akechi: Shido was the only one arrested on the crime of attempting to overthrow the government... Akechi: It seems the Phantom Thieves were causing a stir in this society as well, but there's no record of your arrest now. Akechi: Basically, in this reality, you and I haven't committed any crimes.

While Akechi still remembers his crimes, they never took place. They have been undone, and only his lingering memory—and Joker's, at this point—speaks to them. He objects to this on countless levels, he summons all the strength he has to refuse it, but don't make the mistake of thinking that means he doesn't want it. This is Akechi's wish in action.

People are often very certain that Akechi's resolve in the third semester is like iron—that he rejects Maruki's offers right away, is never tempted, never wavers. But that can't be true. We know he's afraid to die. We know about the bad end where you don't complete the Palace, where Akechi says nothing and stares at the floor, seemingly blaming himself internally while all the others blame themselves aloud, for being unable to say no to Maruki's temptations. We know how he responds to this assertion of Maruki's—Maruki, who has perfectly summed up what we know all the other PTs wanted, and who (even if Word of God hadn't just confirmed Akechi's wish) we have, honestly, no reason to doubt.

Because Akechi never refutes this wish that Maruki describes. He never says he doesn't want it. He just rejects it—like all the others, who so desperately want what Maruki could give them. Futaba's mother, Haru's father. Akechi's life, and his innocence. And the people who might have been his friends, if he could dare, one day, to ask.

Akechi is tested just like the others, and the price he pays for his defiance is perhaps the highest of all.

and finally

[The Maruki ending illustrations are] of Maruki's world, where everyone's wishes are granted and they seem happy. The scene shows their actualised wishes, which were never granted in the real world. (Mumon Usuda, chief designer)

We shouldn't forget the price Akechi pays for his impossible wish. Sure, the vision of himself being altered like Sumire clearly haunts him, and I'm sure it made the choice easier—but I don't think it made it that easy. Instead of taking the dream Maruki offered him, Akechi chose to face up to what he'd done, and who he'd become; at the very end, in the third semester and in the engine room, he always makes the right choice.

And that choice was taken away from him. Agency over his life and death, his own acts, and who he would even be—Joker and Maruki take it all away from him and make him a puppet, just like Shido.

Maruki's ending isn't pretty.

revision history

Click here for the latest version.

v1.0 (2024/03/29)—first published.

[wordsbyrian]

Polyglot: The Early Days - Barca Femeni x Reader

Summary: Another Polyglot fic. Spanish is in italics.

A/N: This was supposed to be done like almost 2 weeks ago but I got sick and started it over a ton of times. Enjoy.

There’s a chance that this could go down as the beginning to the end of your career as a professional footballer. And the sad thing is that you haven’t even played a single game yet.

You’ll end up as just another rising star who faded into obscurity like Freddy Adu or Kleberson.

And if you quit, or god forbid completely fail, you have nothing to return to, having been told in no uncertain terms by your parents to not bother coming back.

You’re basically on your own.

Even more so today because while the rest of the B team is traveling to play their next match against Athletic, you’ve been chosen to stay behind and train with the full team.

That’s obviously a great thing but you had just gotten used to being around your teammates basically 24 hours a day and to be the only one called to train with the first team this time is a little nerve-wrecking.

But you do your best to push it all the way down as you walk into the building and towards the locker room. On your way there you run into Patri who is just as full of energy as every other time you’ve seen her.

“Buenas tardes, Y/N,” she practically shouts in your ear as she slings an arm over your shoulder. “I have a good feeling about training today, so let's get to it, si?”

You barely get a chance to greet her back or nod your agreement before the midfielder is practically dragging you through the halls and into the locker room.

Since you’re walking in with one of the human embodiments of a hurricane there’s no way for you to enter silently and unnoticed. In fact, your entrance is the exact opposite of that with the way the door all but slams open and Patri announces both of your presences as additions to the chaos.

Shaking your head, you move away from the slightly older player and to the corner where you normally get changed, mumbling polite greetings to everyone as you pass them.

Like always you make quick work of getting changed and head out to the field, not wanting to get caught up in the shenanigans you can see forming on the other side of the room.

That ends up being your best decision of the day because seconds before Lluis starts going over the training plan for the day Mapi, Leila and Jenni come rushing out of the locker room with lots of faux innocence plastered on their faces.

For the most part, training goes well. You do struggle at times with the pace you're being expected to move at but as time passes you adapt to it.

There’s also the slight issue of whatever is going on with the older defenders arguing over you in a mix of Spanish and Catalin when they think you aren’t paying attention (impossible when you hear your name like 6 times) but Melanie solves that quickly by whisper shouting something about English-speaking abilities and Lluis already having told Ana-Maria to do something yesterday.

A mystery to be solved later, or not at all if you get your way.

Your big misstep comes at the end of practice during the full-sided scrimmage.

You had let yourself get pulled out of position by Caro one too many times while your team was attacking and it comes back to bite you in the ass when a loose ball comes rolling towards the both of you. You manage to get there before the Norwegian but you make it at the same time as Patri who basically trucks you straight into the earth.

“Holy shit,” you groan as you get back to your feet and sprint to get back into position.

Your quick recovery works out in your favor, you get back fast enough to provide help defense to Pere who has Kheira caught in the corner. 

Kheira does her best to try and get around the two of you but a lucky toe poke from Pere frees the ball just enough for you to clear it downfield. You get it far enough that Lluis seems to decide that there’s no point in continuing play and chooses to end training for the day.

After a quick huddle, you head back into the locker room with the rest of the team. And despite the exhaustion that everyone seems to be facing, the noise level is almost identical to the way it was before practice.

You still don’t allow yourself to get sucked into the chaos rushing through your shower and getting changed but just as you go to leave, you’re stopped by Ana-Maria.

“Hey,” she says in English, “team bonding tonight at Paños’ house.”

“I can’t, I have homework.”

The Swiss woman just shakes her at you, “Bring it with you, Mapi and I will pick you up in a few hours.”

“You can try but I’m not gonna come with you.”

Spoiler alert: you do end up at the goalkeeper's house, sitting in a corner with your laptop and textbooks while the others are spread out across the living room.

You’re currently bent over your laptop and like 8 books on Stanley Kubrick trying to explain how Full Metal Jacket is the perfect example of his greatness as a director.

For most of the night, you’ve been very successfully using your headphones to ignore whatever is going on around you. Something that’s very hard to do when you’re being pelted in the back of the head by paper balls.

“Fucking hell,” you shout, ripping them off your head and turning around, “Can you cut that out?”

You’re greeted by the sight of Leila and Patri pointing guilty at each other.

Sighing deeply you turn back to your laptop only to find it being held hostage by Lieke, who’s standing across from you.

“Come eat.���

“I’m not finished,” you say, reaching across the table in an attempt to grab it back.

“You can take a break for 30 minutes to eat something,” she says, “It won’t kill you. There’s pizza in the living room.”

“It will kill me, give me back my laptop.”

“Go eat.”

“No.”

A hard stare, “Go eat.”

“No,” you say again,” And if you’re not gonna give my laptop back, that’s fine. I’ll just do my math homework instead.”

“Oh no you don’t. Ana, come get  your kid!” 

“Woah, firstly, I’m not her kid," you tell her, "I’m no one’s kid. And secondly, I didn’t want to come anyway so just let me do my work in argh!”

You find yourself thrown over someone’s shoulder and based on how high up you are, it can only be Ana-Maria.

“This isn’t fair.”

You don’t get a response as Ana carries you through Paños’ apartment and drops you on a couch next to Alexia.

“Stay,” she says before dropping a plate into your lap. “Eat.”

“I’m not a dog.”

“Most dogs don’t need to be told to eat, you do.” You stare blankly at her. “Eat.”

You open your mouth to continue protesting but as you do a slice of pizza is shoved into your mouth.

The glare doesn’t leave your face as you slowly chew, much to the amusement of the older women.

“Pobrecita, being forced to sit and eat free food that isn’t cooked en masse like it is at la Masia,” Alexia says to the team in Spanish as she throws an arm over your shoulder.

“She’s probably just hangry, it happens to my little sister sometimes,” Patri suggests, “but she’s 11 not 16 like grumpy over there.”

“La nene is only 16,” Vicky asks.

“Si.”

“No wonder she’s so grouchy,” Leila says, “It’s probably past her bedtime.”

You let the team continue talking about you as you eat your pizza (because you might’ve actually been hangry, not that you would admit it). It’s also a conversation mostly about nothing so you don’t feel the need to say anything.

Until you hear someone ask Ana to ask you something.

“Y/N, Jenni wants to know if,” you cut her off.

“Chicas, sabéis que hablo español, si? Like pretty fluently.”

The room goes silent.

“I’ll take that as a no,” you say before turning to Lieke, “Can I have my laptop back now?”

Maybe you’re not as on your own as you thought.

[headfulloflettuce]

Puppet Darling - Part 7

Credit: Inspired by @wallflowers-in-the-wind’s post here.

Warning: angst, Feyre is entering her depression arc.

part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5 / part 6

Nesta was having the time of her life, or at least, it seemed that way to Feyre. From training in the woods, to enjoying the library in Eris’s cabin she seemed to thrive. 

Elain had once again found purpose in gardening. Apparently she had brought some Spring Court seedlings and had begun growing them in Autumn, trying to cross pollinate the different types of plants.

During one of his visits Eris had discovered her experiments, and had kindly requested that she ‘doesn’t create something that will eat them alive’.

Feyre thought the idea of a man eating plant to be silly but Elain took Eris’s comment as a challenge, and was now determined to create the very thing he said not to do. She may be orchestrating a forest coup. Against whom? Feyre wasn’t certain, yet.

Meanwhile, Feyre was bored. Happy? Satisfied? Perhaps content was a better word to describe her current state.

She didn’t feel happy, but she wasn’t sad either. 

Nyx babbled as she fed him another spoon of applesauce.

“What are we going to do today?” she smiled at the baby.

Nyx pointed to the plushie.

“You want to play?”

He waved his arms, pointing to the window as well.

“Outside?”

Nyx nodded.

Feyre shrugged, feeding him the rest of his applesauce and taking him out of the baby chair Eris had graciously provided, along with toys, clothes and other necessities. She carried Nyx outside, bringing the one toy she took from Spring Court, a couple Autumn ones and a blanket so that he wasn’t crawling around in the mud. 

Autumn was so vibrant. Feyre still hadn’t gotten used to all the red and orange despite the weeks spent doing the exact same thing over and over again.

Feeding Nyx.

Playing with Nyx.

Bathing Nyx.

Getting Nyx to sleep.

Sleep for only four hours of stupid Rhys.

Repeat.

As if on cue the mating bond came to life with an obligatory tug. Feyre wasn’t certain if he was actually being gentler or if she had gotten used to his constant presence.

A part of her wanted to be angry. To want more. To want stimuli besides the sounds of the trees rustling and the occasional crow.

I should be grateful for what I have. I am free.

She looked at the black haired boy as she sat him down on the blanket, letting him wriggle around, smacking at the stuffed animal, making it fall over.

Feyre crossed her legs, toying with the grass next to her. She hated to admit it but she felt lonely. Elain, Nesta and her had taken on an avoidance routine the past couple weeks, meeting up only during the mornings which tended to end in arguments.

Feyre tried to stay positive.

It’s for the best. They can finally move on and have good lives, even if it’s without me.

Feyre shook her head.

It would be fine. We avoided each other back then and we still co-existed. Although, coexistence doesn’t mean to enjoy each other’s company…

She almost felt guilty for wanting to go back to a time where they were stuck in that rundown house and were on the brink of starvation each winter.

At least we had shared some degree of trust then. Somewhat. On second thought, we didn't act particularly more friendly than either. 

Feyre scrunched her face, recalling the insults Nesta had thrown at her, and the ones she had thrown right back. It had always gotten ugly.

How did Elain survive us?

The bushes near the edge of the clearing that the cabin was located on suddenly shook, and Nesta peeked through the greenery, Eris’s smokehounds following loyally after her.

“Oh, Nesta, you’re back early.” Feyre quickly stood up, approaching her sister, still keeping an eye on Nyx. She didn’t feel comfortable with how her voice pitched an octave higher from excitement.

“I forgot to grab water before going on the run.” Nesta grabbed a bottle, chugging the liquid inside it, the loose athletic clothing of Autumn Court gently swaying in the breeze as she drank. One of the hounds that had accompanied her sat down at her feet, catching his breath.

“Do you want to join me and Nyx?”

“I need to get back to training. I want to make it to the actual cliffside this time.”

“Just for a bit.”Feyre hoped she didn’t sound too desperate.

“I told you, I am busy.”

“Fifteen minutes is enough.” she felt like she was begging her to chop wood again. Feyre knew it wasn’t exactly the same, but still.

“Seriously? You think I want to spend time with that freak’s kid?” Nesta snapped.

He’s my kid too.

Feyre persisted, “What about me?”

“What about you?” Nesta raised an eyebrow.

“I want to spend time with you.”

Do you not want to spend even a second with me?

Nesta looked at her with a stoic expression breaking eye contact as she sighed, “I think we’ve spent enough time together at all your family junctions. Some distance would do us some good.”

“They were our family junctions.”

It was one of the few ways he allowed me to visit you.

“No Feyre, they were YOUR family’s events. Not mine. Last time I checked you threatened me with my rent to show up.”

“I genuinely wanted you there.” Feyre whispered.

“Yeah well I sure felt fucking welcomed.” Nesta said sarcastically, “No better way to welcome a sibling than to threaten her with money hm?”

“I am sorry, that was his idea, I didn’t agree-”

“How convenient that everything was his idea!” Nesta threw her hands up, exasperated, “One minute you’re on my ass and then the next you’re apologizing for every little thing, pick a lane Feyre!”

“I am not apologizing for little things!” Feyre’s scowled, “You were spirling-”

“Oh, great, now I am the one with the issu-”

“But you shouldn’t have been locked up in the House of Wind. You should have just received payment for all the work you did while in Night Court and been permitted complete independence.”

Although I didn’t really want to do that.

Feyre knew that would have been the right thing to have done, but she hadn’t wanted to let go. If she could keep taking care of Nesta, and with Rhysand’s money she could have, there is no reason why she shouldn’t. 

She had always taken care of Nesta and  Elain. Sure they were adults. Sure they didn’t need her, but they still needed her right? Right?

Nesta narrowed her eyes.

“I truly am sorry.” Feyre mumbled, “I am sorry for the House of Wind. I am sorry for how Rhysand has treated you, for how he has threatened you. I promise, if I could have, and I tried, I would have torn him to shreds for saying he would kill you. I am sorry for letting Cassian near you when you weren’t ready. I am sorry for letting him take you on that stupid hike.” Feyre’s breath hitched as she met Nesta’s eyes.

“You…you don’t believe me.” Feyre searched for any hint of trust in Nesta’s face.

“I do believe he had you somewhat under his control.” Nesta conceded, “Too many things line up, and your behavior is too different now for it to not have been the case. However, I don’t believe that you’re just some victim in all this. I don’t believe for a minute that you didn’t seek pleasure in watching me and Elain suffer.”

“Nesta, I would ne-”

“Shut up, I am not finished.” Nesta cut her off, “I don’t believe that all of a sudden you feel remorse for all these things because the Feyre that I knew was a stubborn, pain in the ass. The Feyre I knew was strong.”

You’re saying that just to be hurtful.

“You were nagging, and annoying but you were strong. Resilient like a damn cockroach. I don’t believe you would let Rhysand take over your mind so easily, which means you gave him permission. You wanted whatever he offered you.”

“I didn’t nag, I wanted us to survive. I tasked you with things that needed to get done.” Feyre didn’t address what Nesta truly said, her words having struck a core fear of hers.

What if it had been me all along?

“Things that needed to get done? What about house chores, what about any of the things you didn’t do Feyre?”

Feyre paused, “I am sorry, you’re right. I was dismissive of the work you and Elain put in-”

“Stop saying that you’re sorry.” Nesta snarled, “You’re lying to us when you say you’re sorry and that you had completely no control over the situation. And worse of all you’re lying to yourself.”

Feyre didn’t have an answer.

“What? You have the powers of all the High Lords no? Seems like you should be strong enough to overpower at least one of them.”

“Nesta, Rhysand is powerful, you don’t under-”

“He’s only as powerful as you think he is.” Nest said flatly, turning around and heading back to the tree line.

“Nesta, that’s not how it works.” Feyre tried to take a step after her but Nesta’s glare stopped her.

“Stop saying that you’re sorry, it’s too fucking late.”

Feyre stood there silently, watching Nesta as she disappeared into the treeline, the hounds following after.

She was right, it was too late.

Feyre looked down at her hands.

Did I really not try hard enough?

Nyx’s coos and calls slowly brought her to the presence, as she turned back to the picnic blanket, taking a seat beside her child who shoved the stuffed animal towards her. Feyre didn’t have the energy to pick it up however, gently shoving it back towards him.

Nyx frowned, wanting an active playmate.

I was right from the start; the best thing I can do is give them space.

The mating bond hummed, as if supporting whatever Nesta had just said. Feyre knew it was her imagination. There was no way he could know the details of her conversations, catching at most the general emotions she felt. 

She put her head in her hands.

What am I supposed to do?

Feyre startled as she heard an animalistic snort behind her, the heavy feeling that had taken root lifting slightly as she jumped to her feet. Turning around, she saw Tamlin’s beast form, carrying a heavy bag. Feyre relaxed a bit, watching as he approached, sitting beside the picnic blanket and gently placing the bag down.

Nyx stared up at the animal in wonder, desperately trying to crawl over to see him closer. Tamlin snorted again, as if laughing, lowering his head so Nyx could look at him up close. The baby quickly grabbed at Tamlin’s snout, patting it. Tamlin’s eyes crinkled, booping Nyx’s nose, more like face, with said snout.

Nyx giggled, trying to touch him again.

Tamlin used his snout to roll Nyx over onto his back.

Nyx shrieked, flapping his wings and startling the beast, making him stop

Tamlin looked at Feyre confused.

Nyx laughed.

“He’s having fun, you can continue.” Feyre gave him permission, watching as Tamlin gently pushed Nyx again, making him roll back onto his tummy.

As Nyx wriggled, getting gently rolled about the blanket, Feyre approached the bag Tamlin had brought.

Noticing her interest the High Lord of Spring chuffed, giving her a small nod as permission to proceed.

She opened it to find some of the same stuff he had brought her when he had visited the cottage in Spring Court.

He didn’t have to.

Feyre couldn’t help the small smile on her lips nonetheless. Sure, Eris had given her everything she may have needed to take care of Nyx, but this felt nice.

Tamlin rolled Nyx back over to Feyre, making sure to be careful with his movements, the baby hugging his snout, breaking down into a fit of giggles.

Pulling away from Nyx, the beast shifted into Tamlin, dressed in his usual Spring attire; a tunic and some brown pants.

Nyx let out a disappointed sound but Tamlin ignored his protests, plopping down beside Feyre. He looked happy. Gone was the tiredness and paleness Rhysand had described to her, and present was confidence and contentment.

True contentment.

“The weather is nice today.” Tamlin said.

He’s still bad at conversations though.

“Yes it is.”

“Tulips are in full bloom back in Spring.”

She hummed.

“Oh, and so are the marigolds in Autumn.” Tamlin pointed to some fiery flowers.

“Tamlin…why are you here?”

Didn’t you get rid of us by leaving us with Eris? Why visit?

“Well, you left all the baby stuff so I thought I should probably bring it over.” Tamlin rubbed his neck awkwardly.

Eris is an older brother, he has plenty of baby stuff to give us.

Feyre raised an eyebrow at him.

He sighed, “I wanted to see you.”

“See me?”

“Just check in, you know? Make sure you all are doing okay.”

Wow, that’s surprisingly sweet.

Feyre forced a smile onto her face. It wasn’t as hard as she thought it would be. Perhaps the years of being a living doll had left her with some benefits after all.

“I am okay, thank you for checking in though. Nesta and Elain are settling in great as well.”

“Right.” he said, the concern in his eyes not abating, “What have you been up to?”

She shrugged, “Nothing much, just spending time with Nyx.”

“Anything else?”

“Well, taking care of a baby is kind of a fulltime job Tamlin.”

“That’s understandable…I just…” Tamlin picked his words carefully, “Have you had time for yourself?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she glared.

She knew what it meant. From her dirty hair, to the bags under her eyes, she was aware she looked like a mess.

“You look like you need to rest.”

“I am fine.”

“You don’t look it.” he said softly.

“Well I am!” she forced a cheerful tone, but it came out too sweet.

“If your sisters are unable to sit with Nyx, I can.” he gently offered.

Feyre growled, as the mating bond hummed with fury, supporting her rage.

“I do not mean offense.” Tamlin raised his hands in surrender, “I recognize the suggestion is unorthodox…you wouldn’t want to leave a child with a random male at the moment.”

You’re not a random male though.

She massaged her growing headache, trying to shove the mating bond away, “No, I am not offended, but it’s fine. My sisters can watch Nyx if necessary.”

Tamlin nodded, not pushing further, “Okay, that’s good to hear.”

Nyx was annoyed that the fluffy creature who had been playing with him disappeared and wriggled his way over to Tamlin, his wings angled awkwardly, smacking his leg demandingly.

“He really is an adorable baby.” Tamlin smiled gently, shifting just his hand, surprising Nyx, who quickly grabbed at the fluffy paw, staring at it.

“He is.” Feyre agreed, “When he’s not waking you up at three in the morning.”

Not that I am sleeping then anyways. Rhysand seems to not have any other High Lord duties besides make my life a living hell at night.

Feyre watched Tamlin as he let Nyx be curious about his large paw, letting him tug on the fur.

At least Rhysand was always willing to play with Nyx.

She was certain of one thing when it came to Rhys, and that was that he wouldn’t hurt his child. He had honestly taken on more of a maternal role to Nyx than she did at the beginning. Spending time with him, feeding him, changing diapers. 

Feyre almost thought that the male felt regret over his past actions, trying to give her time to heal and rest.

Regardless of what the High Lord of Night had been thinking, seeing Tamlin play with the black haired baby felt so domestic. Completely different from when Rhysand showered Nyx with gifts, took him outside in his stroller, or held him during meetings with the inner circle…

Maybe I was the crazy one? Maybe Rhysand was actually a wonderful partner and I was just causing hassle for everyone involved?

“Do you believe me?” she asked quietly.

“Hm?”

“Do you believe that Rhysand controlled me? That he used his daemati powers on me?”

“Of course.”

“Truly?”

Tamlin nodded, “Why do you ask?”

“Is there really no way I could have fought him off?”

“I am sure you did all you could.”

You say that, yet what if Nests was right? What if I let him win? What if I did want all of this?

Tamlin narrowed his eyes at her, gently taking her hands into his, “Feyre look at me.”

Feyre hesitantly met his green eyes.

“It’s not your fault. Do not let him or anyone else convince you that you actually wanted everything he made you do.”

“But what if I did?” she voiced her fear, “I did want some degree of revenge on my sisters, I did want security, I did want my family together and he gave me all of it. So…so doesn’t it mean that I let it happen?”

“He gave you a perverse version of it.” Tamlin softened, “Daemati…they’re good at making you think you want something, and even better at feeding into your existing desires and convincing you that the thing you got was what you actually wanted all along.”

Feyre blinked away tears.

“Your actions then weren’t fully of your own accord.” Tamlin reiterated firmly.

“I am sorry for hurting you.” she said, “I am sorry for hurting your court. I never meant for it to turn out like that.” Feyre tried to cover her face but Tamlin gently pulled her hands away once more.

“I know.”

She stared at him.

“I believe you.”

Feyre blinked, sniffling, and quickly wiping away her tears.

“Thank you.”

He shook his head, “No need to thank me.”

“There is a need though. You’re helping us.”

He looked at her sadly, “No, I am merely helping to fix what I helped break.”

Feyre looked back to Nyx, her fears although soothed, not gone. 

What if it can’t be fixed?

Feyre felt Rhysand tug at the mating bond but didn’t do anything to stop him, too sleepy and tired to deal with him.

She suddenly felt a feeling of worry and concern flood her from the other side, followed by gentler but still harsh tugs trying to get a rise out of her.

Don’t worry I am not dead.

She shoved the bond away again.

The worry lessened, but still persisted, attempting to question her on her wellbeing.

Feyre didn’t respond, getting out of bed instead, Nyx still sleeping.

Days had passed turning to weeks and the monotony of it all didn’t seem too bad.

Maybe this is how Elain got by back at our old home.

Feyre carefully picked up Nyx, carrying him with her to the kitchen.

Just existing. Detached.

Feyre set the kettle and began preparing breakfast for all of them. Elain quietly slipped into the room, taking a seat at the dining table followed by Nesta, “Since I am such a terrible sister who let you hunt.”

“Nesta, could you let Eris know we need more food?”

“Why don’t you go hunting instead?” Nesta snapped.

“I am not that hungry…” Elain murmured softly, slipping out of the cabin.

It had gotten worse the past week. She and Nesta could barely exchange two words without being at each other's throats.

Elain simply avoided them.

“You’re not a terrible sister…” Feyre trailed off, unable to find the right words to describe their relationship.

Whatever it was called though, it certainly wasn’t good.

“Right, you say that now.”

“I told you that I am sorry, the things I said then we-”

“Just because you didn’t mean them doesn’t make them go away!” Nesta yelled, her voice full of exasperation and Feyre…she just felt so tired.

“It’s okay.” Feyre felt a small laugh escape her, “I wouldn’t believe me fully either.”

“What?”

“I get it. Your anger.” Feyre quickly elaborated, “Well, maybe not fully but I understand where you’re coming from. You’re angry that I hurt you.”

Nesta stared at her.

Feyre picked up a stirring Nyx, gently patting his back as he woke up, his wings stretching.

A small knock sounded on the cabin door.

“You should go. It sounds like Eris is waiting.” Feyre turned back to the food she had been preparing on the stove.

“Is…is that all you have to say?” Nesta whispered, staring at her sister in shock.

“I am sorry.” Feyre apologized.

“...that’s all?”

Feyre looked at her sister in silence, unsure of what to say. 

What do you want to hear from me?

Nesta opened her mouth to say something, then closed it. Opened it once more, and when nothing came out, stormed out of the cabin as well.

Feyre put Nyx to bed when a knock sounded on her open door.

“Nesta?” Feyre was surprised to see her sister changed into a nightgown, standing in the doorframe awkwardly.

Nesta stood at the door, crossing her arms awkwardly.

“Nesta?”

She still didn’t say anything, only shifting from one foot to the other.

“You can have the bathroom first.”

Not like I am going to use it anyways with Rhysand tugging on the bond every five minutes.

“I am not here about the bathroom.”

“Then why are you here?”

“You have the same look that Mom did on bad days.”

“What do you mean?”

Nesta sighed, stepping into the bedroom. Her footsteps were light and quiet as she stopped before her younger sister.

“What has he done to you?” Nest cupped her sister’s face, “What has he done to break you this badly. You never wallowed. Never caved. You were never weak. You always had something to say to me. Always had a retort, an insult, a jab on the ready.”

Feyre felt Rhysadn try to tug at the bond angrily but something about Nesta’s touch made him feel much farther away. Like he was just a whisper in the cold night wind.

She put her hands over Nesta’s hands.

“I am weak. I was always weak. I just hid it well.”

Nesta blinked away what Feyre almost thought might have been tears.

“You always had something to say.” Nesta insisted.

“You did too, that didn’t stop Cassian and your time in the house of wind from hurting you.”

Nesta paused, her eyes narrowing at the male’s name.

“I am sorry.” Feyre said, “I know you say to stop apologizing but I can’t because I wish I had stopped it. I know we were never on good terms, but…I would never have wanted you to get hurt like that.”

“I want you to stop apologizing because you do nothing else besides it.” Nesta’s finger gently traced Feyre’s cheeks, “I want you to look alive.”

Feyre smiled back, but that only made Nesta’s expression twist to one of hurt.

“I don’t know how to help you.” Nesta murmured, “I act softer, you apologize. I act rougher you retreat into yourself and still apologize.”

The wind rustled the bloody red trees outside, as rain began falling.

“I am sorry for not being able to help you. It seems no matter what I do I can’t help you…or us.” Nesta said quietly, “This morning…I crossed a line.”

Feyre blinked.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I did.” Nesta ran a hand through her hair, exhaling shakily, “I know you were never the biggest fan of hunting yet you did it anyways. You always hunted for us, and I appreciate it. We wouldn’t have had food otherwise. I am sorry for using it against you.”

“You were angry.” Feyre said simply, “You needed a place to vent.”

“That’s not an excuse.” Nesta shook her head, “The whole point of this was to escape a place that did just that to all of us, and now we’re turning on each other.”

Feyre nodded in agreement.

“I can’t claim to be better than Cassian if I do the same thing he does but to my sister.”

“Well, in my opinion you are better than Cassian.” Feyre said bluntly.

Nesta shook her head, “Then you’ve got something wrong with your head.”

“Perhaps, but you’re my family. I take care of you. I can’t…hate you.”

“No, I think you can dislike your siblings.” Nesta laughed lightly, “Pretty sure it’s a rule or something.”

Feyre hummed, uncertain.

She wanted to hate her sister. She did some days, but when it came down to it she was too tired to feel much anger towards them at all. She just wanted some peace and quiet between them.

“Feyre…thank you for taking care of us.” Nesta whispered softly.

Feyre sniffled.

She hated this; being on the verge of tears all the time. Nesta gently helped her sit down, pulling her into a hug.

“I was a bad sister.”

“You weren’t that bad.”

“Eh, let’s not sugarcoat, I was an asshole.”

“So was I.”

“Sure, but one of us was older.”

“Thank you for trying to get me out of the courts when I was taken away.”

“I should have stabbed all the faeries. Would have solved all of our problems.”

Feyre felt a small laugh escape her, along with a couple tears.

It sounded like such a simple solution when reality was much harsher.

“Thank you for doing the housework.”

“Don’t mention it.”

The two sisters lay in bed together, Nyx snuggled up in a blanket between them. Feyre almost felt like she was back home. In that house with the painted walls and cabinets.

She didn’t want to go back to that time, but she had missed this. The closeness. The feeling of Nesta’s hand near her hers as the night grew darker and colder

For the first time in weeks Feyre closed her eyes and felt herself drift off to sleep.

This wasn’t perfect, but it was ours. 

Feyre vowed to not let someone take this feeling of peace and unity away from them. Not again.

Masterlist

Tag list: @rcarbo1, @planet-faerie, @fox-in-flowers, @bookishfeylin, @mythuzalasheir3

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[avoidantrecovery]

my thoughts on rejection sensitivity, fawning, criticism and how i want to get better about them

these are just some notes/me thinking aloud/me writing notes to myself and putting things into perspective/connecting some dots. maybe others can relate.

✦ abandonment/rejection based trauma leads to... ✦ needing to be accepted and liked by any- and everyone (fawning) to restore safety/ensure feeling safe which leads to... ✦ due to being stuck in trauma response/having a trauma rewired brain: strong sensitivity and fear of any kind of rejection or criticism, which leads to... ✦ responsibility for your emotions and self-perceptions are outsourced (for the lack of a better word) to (random) third persons (who are not even aware of this). which leads to... ✦ difficulty to interact and communicate with people without crushing hypervigilance, anxiety, numbing, strong emotional reactions... leads to... ✦ random third parties and their reaction to us (be it via facial expressions, tone, conversation, action or inaction, etc...) now makes or breaks our emotional state ✦ a positive reaction gives us (if we're lucky) positive emotions (dopamine, safety, elation) a negative reaction however leads to the exact opposite -> we are at the whims of random people ✦ inevitable negative feedback then leads to severe negative emotions including anxiety, shame, self-devaluing and self-abuse ✦ this becomes a cycle of wanting others to reflect that "we are good" back to us in places where it's not relevant and will lead to negative feedback and rejection, isolating and then doing it all over again.

what to do instead?

✸ realize that this is a cycle that is happening and why (trauma) ✸ be mindful and have self-compassion for your past (fawning) behaviour to avoid shame and self-hate (you were stuck in a trauma response, not doing it on purpose) ✸ realize that minute reactions of all people doesn't have to matter to you. this is something you have to practise day in day out, because your brain is stuck in this mode. ✸ it's fucked up that we often have to deal with people who are outright hostile and having a negative reaction to that is normal and healthy. however, everyone who has ever felt the overwhelming crushing sensation of rejection sensitivity knows there is a difference between that and "a healthy negative reaction". ✸ we shouldn't have to internalize and emotionally tattoo every minute thing someone else says or does to us, esp. if they are hostile ✸ it shouldn't control us for the rest of the day, week, month or even longer ✸ there is nothing we can do to control others behaviour (even by prostrating and fawning to the max), it is not even our responsibility, but we can try to better manage and process our own emotions to ensure we are not constantly dysregulated. ✸ use "the levels method" to sort to what degree someone's feedback matters to you ✸ realize that you will probably fall back into old behaviour patterns because "nerves that fire together, wire together". meaning it is through repetition that we form new habits and it's by reducing "firing" old behaviour patterns that we are able to eventually let them go.

the levels method

✸ level 1: random strangers on the street: 0.5/5 ✸ level 2: random people you see daily (neighbors, barista, etc...): 1/5 ✸ level 3: work/school people 2/5 (only professional/educational stuff matters, do not take things personal or internalize professional critic as personal critic, i know this is hard and often unfair) ✸level 4: acquaintances and friends: 3/5 ✸ level 5: family and good friends: 4/5 ✸ level 6: your own selected loved ones 5/5

☞ i just came up with this little method that i will try to use to weigh my emotions and how seriously i have to take people's reactions to me. again, it's not easy and it's something that has to be practised to get right. however, the idea is to get away from processing the random reaction of a stranger, or even of a co-worker or client, with the same intensity and seriousness of selected loved one whose feedback i obviously care about a lot.

what if i don't have loved ones?

✸ this is one thing that has been bothering me ✸ i think for some people the "outsourcing" of emotions onto other people and that whole cycle, is intensified by not having any selected loved ones due to isolation etc... ✸ it's likely that you will, perhaps without being aware of it, begin to look for emotional feedback (to feel safe due to trauma brain) from people who fall within level 1-level 3 or 4. ✸ people need social contact and if there is nobody else around we might look to have our emotional needs met by people who aren't even aware or responsible for that ✸ i am currently in this situation and all i can do for now, until i do find new selected loved ones, is to be aware when i do it and steer away from it when it happens. ✸ if you are in contact with family or friends, this can be a better outlet as random strangers or classmates/co-workers

(not medical advice, just thinking out loud)

[ahungeringknife]

365 May 3-6

After a point Desmond just came to the understanding that his life was weird and he really didn't feel like arguing with it anymore. Coming back from the dead? Near death? Limbo? Whatever did that to a person. He was so beyond his life throwing arguably impossible shit at him.

"I'm home," he said looking at the living room of his apartment that absolutely should not fit as many people in it as it did. And yet.

The first week it'd happened he was sure he was having a new mental break down. But no. That'd have been a reasonable explanation for a bunch of murderers showing up at his door looking like people out of a ren fair. He didn't know why they were there. They didn't know why they were there. When Desmond asked they just grabbed his blackened hand or arm. They were drawn to it. Somehow? For some reason?

Seven languages all roughly saying, "Welcome back," came in a chorus. They could all understand him at least. Whatever fucked up magic or whatever had given him that at least so he didn't have to sift through seven different tongues in his head to pull out the one he wanted.

"I brought bread," he said which got everyone interested. He didn't anticipate people from previous centuries to be picky eaters but they absolutely were. And that didn't even cover Ezio's insanely high standards for olive oil, which he basically drank. But everyone ate bread. Thank god. He always had to go down a few blocks for an actual bakery because of course they wouldn't eat store bread. The bakery knew him on sight now since he'd been going there every other day for a month and bought the exact same arrangement of bread. When they saw him coming in they just packed up his order for him.

"Everyone get their shit done while I was gone?" he asked amid some talking. Some of them could communicate but it was a near thing. Some of them even spoke English, which was cool.

"It was boring, but yes," Ezio said.

"Good. Who wants to make dinner?" Desmond asked, going into the kitchen and taking the bread out.

"Everyone stop looking at me," Evie said. "Just because I'm a woman."

Desmond didn't engage while Jacob was defending his sister's honor, or whatever. After a bit of bickering he called out, "Fine then we're all going to be unhappy and Altair will cook." There was some groaning.

"Fools," Altair said and Desmond was the only one who understood. He got up from where he was sitting on the floor and entered the little kitchen with Desmond. "My cooking isn't that bad... now," he added. Altair, like the rest of them, were not how Desmond remembered them from the memories as mostly wild and blood thirsty twenty-somethings. They were all older. In their thirties or forties. It was still weird seeing Altair in a beard. At least he wore it better than Ezio.

"Yeah you don't burn my pans now," Desmond said. Desmond still helped him figure out what to do. They all knew how to use the appliances by now but other than Connor, Bayek, and Evie none of them had ever had to cook for themselves until they'd shown up in Desmond's life. But like good Assassins they all took to instruction quickly and Desmond just had to tell them what to do and they figured it out.

"How much longer are we staying here?" Arno had come around to the kitchen while Altair was cutting onions with freakish laser precision. Desmond wasn't sure Altair couldn't understand French but he always acted like he couldn't so he didn't push it.

"I dunno. Until you guys fucking leave?" Desmond said. Who knew when that would be. Who knew why that would be or how!

Arno gave him an annoyed look. "I know that. But this is unsustainable," he motioned to the living room which had all the furniture shoved into the corners to make enough room for everyone to sleep. Desmond's bedroom also had some sleeping space on the floor. "Even at our lowest this is too much."

"Well if I want to break my lease I need to pay a fee. And then I have to find a new place that I can afford. And if you guys all fucking vanish one day I'm going to be in a big place all by myself unable to pay. I don't mind having roommates from former head mates but actual normal people? I'd rather die."

"That can be arranged," Altair said behind him.

"Shut it, you," Desmond frowned at him but Altair wasn't even looking at him.

Arno was also frowning. "Well perhaps it would be more useful if we put our minds to figuring out what happened to bring us here instead of what you have us doing."

"If you want to go ahead but I can't afford to feed someone who isn't helping," Desmond said, folding his arms. Because magic that they could all understand his spoken English they could also understand written English. Desmond had found all of them some reasonable paying translation gig work. Desmond knew they all hated it but also had no idea what to do in this century, let alone how to cross a street without almost being run over by a car.

Arno also folded his arms and mirroring Desmond. "I am not a stranger to hardship. But I'm tired of waking up with someone's feet in my face. Also Jacob snores; loudly," he put a pained look on his face.

Desmond grimaced. He could sympathize. Before he could keep going with Jacob Altair tugged his sleeve. He turned around. "Is this right?" and it was still so baffling hearing a hard ass like Altair ask him something so kindly.

Desmond looked over the chopped vegetables Altair had in the pan. He'd added raisins. Always with the fucking raisins with Altair. "Looks fine. Don't cook it too long or it'll turn to mush." He turned back to Jacob. "Look I'm not unsympathetic. I just don't know what to do myself," he said.

"Can we help you? Clearly we're supposed to be here? So we should help you."

Desmond sighed, "I would love that but none of you know how to use a computer."

"... A what?"

"Exactly."

"Is that the little glass tablet you carry around with you?" Arno asked.

"Yes."

Arno looked conflicted. "It seems... confusing but I'm willing to figure it out if it gets me into an actual bed."

"Fine," Desmond said and already knew it was going to give him a headache. "This weekend when I'm free."

Arno smiled. "Great," and he walked off.

Desmond sighed dramatically. "Punk," Altair grumbled, or about as close an approximation as Desmond could translate out.

"I knew you could speak French," and Desmond punched his arm.

"My wife is French, of course I can," Altair said with a grunt. "His accent is so snooty. I hate it."

"He's Parisian," Desmond said.

"No wonder he sounds like a prick," Altair grumbled and Desmond laughed.

--------

Having seven people crowding your space while trying to use your laptop was... something. It sure was something. Somehow they all managed to perch around him without getting in each other's way too and were all staring intently at the screen. Desmond had been talking to them, very slowly, for about three hours now explaining how a computer worked. He typically had all their translation work printed out and then on his days off typed it all into the programs or emails for the clients.

Surprisingly the one who seemed to understand it the best were the two old guys Altair and Bayek. Bayek was especially insane because he was from before the common era. Like the numbers ticked down on the grand time line of human civilization from where Bayek was from. Desmond wasn't particularly surprised by Altair who'd had his head in the future through the Apple for decades. That didn't mean either of them were good at it but they asked the least questions when he asked if they understood.

"I think that's about as much as I can just explain. You have to try it now. Who wants a go?" Desmond asked. He expected Arno to immediately volunteer. Hadn't he been the one excited to help him find a new apartment?

"I do," Bayek said.

"Weren't they still playing with sticks and rocks in your time?" Jacob asked, not knowing what Bayek was saying but getting the idea. Evie smacked his arm, hard, making him complain.

"Sit," Bayek sat. "It's light, hold onto the keyboard area so it doesn't fall off your lap," Desmond said and put the laptop on Bayek's crossed legs. There was a moment of confusion as Bayek figured out how to use the touch pad but then he got it. "I'm surprised you're at all good with this," Desmond said casually.

His answer absolutely floored Desmond. "This is nothing compared to the Isu ruins." Desmond hadn't personally lived through Bayek but he'd been told the story. Bayek was really good at telling stories. "That is actual confusing shit."

"What'd he say?" Ezio asked.

"He said it's nothing compared to Those Who Came Before," he said. "Didn't know Egypt had that sort of tech involvement with the Isu," he said thoughtfully.

"Ask him if it's as easy as it appeared when you did it," Arno said.

Desmond did and relayed it back while Bayek was clicking around on the computer and internet. "He said it's like reading a scroll where the words and pictures move with your thoughts."

"How poetic," Arno said.

"I also wanna try," Evie said.

"Yes, and I," Ezio said.

"Give him a few minutes," Desmond said.

"The keyboard is... confusing. I know what these letters mean but their arrangement is-- quite stupid," Bayek said.

"Yeah, basically," Desmond agreed.

"It also hurts my eyes."

"Yeap. It'll do that too," and he took the laptop back. Then Evie got to mess around with it while Bayek rubbed his eyes. He hadn't blinked the entire time. Then it was Ezio's turn once she'd had a go at it.

"Is there a way to see these mmm- webbed sites in Italian?" Ezio asked.

"Sort of? Just type into the text box in Italian. It should pull up Italian sites."

Watching Ezio pick and poke through what he wanted to ask Google was excruciating. "Ha! Italian," and he scrolled through the search results. Desmond leaned over to see what he was looking at.

"Hey!" Desmond snatched the laptop away. He switched into Italian himself to scold him and god he sounded a lot like Claudia by the way Ezio wilted. "Don't look up boobs on my fucking laptop. Of course I leave you alone for a minute and you're trying to see some tits. What are you? Seventeen again?"

He was going to have to put child locks or something on this thing so these Assassins didn't give his laptop a fucking virus looking up porn. "What can I say. I'm a man of simple pleasures?" Ezio said with a wry grin.

"Banned," Desmond pointed at him in annoyance.

He let everyone try out the laptop. No one was as taken with it as Bayek and Connor somehow almost broke it. Arno at least came away from the lesson and hands on part being slightly confidant in using it. Everyone also complained it hurt their eyes. Because none of them blinked while using the laptop. Blue light was hell of a thing.

They dispersed after that. Bayek, who still sat next to him, said, "Can you show me more things?"

"Sure? Like what?"

"I want to know what happened to Egypt," he said. "And the Romans. And the Greeks. Are they still around?"

"Well Ezio is what you could call Roman," Desmond said slowly. "He lived in Rome, the city, for a while."

"Is Rome no longer an empire?"

Desmond chuckled, "Buddy, they wish."

"... I would like to see what made Rome fall," he said, not in a sad way but rather he was very interested. "And what happened to Julius," his eyes narrowed.

"You're going to love what happened to Cesare," Desmond said and pulled up some wikipedia articles. He showed Bayek how to navigate the site, what the colors meant, what the little numbers next to words meant, and the sources at the bottom. After that Bayek was glued to it. "And make sure you blink," Desmond added. Bayek nodded.

Desmond got off the couch and wandered into his room, flopping down onto his bed. That had taken so long. He picked up his phone and looked at it. It was only mid afternoon. He had a few missed texts. It looked like they were from work. He ignored them. He wasn't paid enough to answer texts on his day off.

----

Desmond was used to being watched at this point even if he couldn't see them. Didn't bother him. This time when he looked across the Goodwill it was Jacob staring right at him looking like he was dying while Evie was trying to find some clothes. Seemed that even after a few hundred years brothers still would rather die than shop with their sisters. He chuckled to himself and went back to ignoring him.

Desmond was more concerned with convincing Bayek and Connor that no they couldn't just walk around shirtless or tank tops all the time.

"But it will get in the way of my movement," Bayek said about the long sleeved shirt Desmond was trying to get him in. It was summer so was pretty warm and Bayek had never existed in any sort of cold weather in his life. His logic was sound for Egypt.

"Yeah but you can't enter most stores without a shirt, dude," Desmond said. Connor was more accepting of full shirts having grown up around Westerners but Desmond remembered being in his head. He always felt too big for in his clothes. Especially Achilles' old uniform that he'd nearly ripped several times from just how thick his arms were.

"But it's hot out. We don't need sleeves until later in the year," Connor said.

"What'd he say?" Bayek asked and Desmond repeated it. Honestly a lot of the time he was just repeating what everyone said so any two of them could hold a conversation. "Why would the time of year matter?"

"Winter?"

"... What is that?"

Desmond pinched the bridge of his nose. "Think like the flood season but instead it gets cold."

"It would get cold in Egypt sometimes," Bayek said.

"No like water turns into ice," Desmond explained.

"But it's not like that now? And there's so much clothes here surely I won't want for them," Bayek said. Everyone had been pretty stunned when Desmond had brought them to Goodwill and it was just filled with more clothes than any of them had seen in one place.

"In winter cold weather clothes tend to go quick," Desmond said.

"Hmm-

"Desmond," he looked over at Evie's voice as she came through the aisle. Jacob was sulking a ways away.

"Sup."

"My brother is useless as ever. I need input on these modern clothes," she said.

"Sure."

Evie showed him two shirts. They looked pretty nice and were fairly subdued, which he expected. One was a feathery blouse, the other was a thin sweater. They complimented her skin color. Desmond didn't know a lot about fashion but he'd seen enough women come into a bar to know what was good. "Which one?"

"I like them both," Desmond said.

"That is not helpful," she said.

Desmond reached over and grabbed the tags. They were both five bucks each. "Do you like them?"

"Yes."

"Then you can get both-

"What?" she asked, confused. "But these are so fancy and high quality," she said. Desmond knew the Industrial Revolution had been going on during Evie's time but fast fashion was a hell of a thing.

"It's fine, they're just a few dollars-

"That's expensive! Are you sure?" she asked.

He chuckled. "Yeah. If you like them we can get them. Make sure you find some bottoms you like too to match."

"Are you really sure?" she asked.

"Yes. And tell your brother to stop looking like a creep and pick out some clothes too," Desmond said.

She rolled her eyes. "He knows no other way. But yes, thank you," she held the clothes to her and walked off.

"Those are expensive though, are you sure?" Connor asked. He understood modern money better than Bayek who was ignoring them and looking at clothes.

"It's about the equivalent of fifteen cents," Desmond said, knowing Connor would understand that.

"Oh! Really?"

"Yeah. Inflation is hell of a thing-- don't worry about it, it's economics," he told Connor who just looked so confused.

"I think I like this one," Bayek said and Desmond sighed when he pulled out the most Dad shirt he could have found. It was a tie die tank top. "Finally something brightly colored. This time is so drab," he scoffed. The worst part was Desmond knew he'd absolutely wear it.

"Okay," Desmond said, defeated. Then he groaned at the sound of some very angry Arabic a few rows over. "Now what?" he looked and saw Ezio harassing Altair about... something? "Excuse me. Before Altair kills his biggest fan boy," Desmond said. "Find a shirt that fits you, Connor," he told Connor and went over to where Altair very nearly had his hands on Ezio's neck.

Desmond easily slotted himself between the two of them. "What's this about?" he asked.

"Ezio says I dress like a woman," Altair pointed at Ezio furiously.

"... What? Also how do you know what he's saying?"

"He's just speaking a different version of Latin," Altair said. "That isn't the point!"

Desmond turned to Ezio. "Did you say he's dressing like a girl?"

"I said he'd look like a fancy lady with his dress," Ezio said and yeah Desmond got why Altair was about to kill him.

"Take like twenty steps back while I defuse this bomb you made," Desmond told Ezio.

"I resent that," Altair growled at him.

Ezio did step back and Desmond turned around to him. "So what did he get you about?" Altair raised a shapeless dress that was very much a dress but it was also shaped like a thobe which was traditionally exactly what an old guy like Altair would wear. "Looks like a thobe to me," Desmond said, realizing what Altair was going for.

"Yes. That's what I tried to tell him."

"But it's a dress too."

"So?"

"Look I don't care," Desmond raised his hands before Altair bit his head off. "You'll get looks if you wear that though and I know you hate being perceived." Altair grimaced at that. "If you want a thobe I'll order you one or find one at a Middle East bodega or something but you should just find some pants and a shirt." Altair huffed in annoyance. "Yeah I know, you hate rules. Get over it," Desmond rolled his eyes.

"I am more annoyed you know me better than myself at times," Altair grumbled, arms folded. "Same as the rest."

"Trust me I really wish I didn't. Either way, we can still get it if you want but I would suggest pants."

"Fine," Altair huffed.

"Connor, Connor," he heard Bayek calling from the end of the aisle. At the least that was something they could do. Desmond watched Connor join Bayek down the aisle and Bayek triumphantly held up an old sleeveless Laker's jersey. Desmond snickered imagining Connor's face of horror at the yellow and purple monstrosity. Connor for his part waved his hands like he didn't want it.

An hour or so later Desmond was finally in line for check out with the others. Evie had taken what he'd said to heart and found a bunch of stuff but everyone else was still too stunned by the variety to pick more than three or four pieces. The cashier was pleasant and had clearly seen weirder shit than a guy like Desmond shepherding a bunch of adults forward to have their clothes rung up and then put into individual bags. The total wasn't even that bad for buying clothes for seven people. The more modern Assassins still gasped or gagged at the price but Desmond didn't flinch at the hundred and seventy dollar price tag.

"That had to be wrong," Connor said once they were leaving.

"What was?" Desmond asked.

"The price-

"You said not to worry. That was a fortune!" Evie cried.

"It was like five dollars," Desmond said.

"That's not what the cash register said," Evie insisted.

"It's the equivalent of five dollars," Desmond rolled his eyes.

"Seriously?" Jacob asked.

"Yes. Seriously."

"That's still a lot of money," Arno said.

"For seven people buying clothes that is a steal. I've seen people buy a single shirt for five dollars," and he chuckled when Evie, Jacob, Arno, and Connor looked appropriately disgusted. Bayek, Ezio, and Altair just looked confused.

"Are these dollars worth a lot?" Ezio asked as they walked down the sidewalk.

"I do not have the brain power to convert to florins," Desmond groaned. "Or dinars or deben across like a thousand plus years okay?" he asked. "Like a shilling?"

"Ah," Ezio nodded.

"If you aren't worried about it neither am I," Bayek said.

"Sounds like a bunch of poor people to me," Altair said, specifically in Latin.

"I would agree," Ezio said absently. Desmond slapped his hand over his face.

"I wasn't poor. That's still a lot," Arno said in something recognizing Latin. Both Ezio and Altair laughed at him. "What?"

"Your accent," Desmond said.

"What of it?"

"Sounds like he's talking without moving his lips," Ezio chuckled. "Open your mouth when you speak," he said loudly. "Or speak with your hands. I can understand you better if you do," and he did indeed wave one hand while talking.

"Can we not do this?" Desmond groaned as they got to the parking lot. He'd rented an actual van for the day just to avoid public transport. He'd gotten them all on a bus or subway individually as they'd appeared but he didn't want to have to watch all of them at once on a subway. He knew somehow, someway, someone would get lost and he didn't want to hunt down an Assassin in a big city. Especially not these guys who could be... a bit stab happy if you bothered them too much. Well except Connor.

They all loaded into the van and Desmond reached into the center console to grab the single dose of pain killers he'd made sure to bring with him. Because he knew and had been right; by the end of this shopping trip he could feel the start of a headache. "Okay everyone buckled in?" Desmond turned around once he'd taken the pain killer. There was still some confusion about buckles for Bayek but Jacob had gotten it for him. They all gave him a thumbs up to cut down on the cacophony. "Great. Who wants lunch?" More thumbs up. "How about McDonalds?"

"What's that?" Jacob asked.

Desmond chuckled. "You'll see," he said and backed the car out of the parking spot and drove off from Goodwill.

-----------------

Desmond was looking over rental listings drinking his morning coffee in bed. Altair and Bayek were both on a blow up mattress on the floor. He'd bought a few over the past month but there was still only so much room. It was going to be so expensive to move. Thankfully now that everyone could operate the laptop or tablet now they could input their own gig work so could do more so long as they weren't blinded by boredom. A single bedroom apartment wasn't enough for eight full grown adults.

There wasn't much reasonable in the city itself but outside the city he could rent a full house. That was doable. And about as expensive as his current apartment actually. He scrolled listings on his phone but did consider just picking a neighborhood outside of the city and calling a realtor to find him a rental house. He didn't even care what it was.

He knew it was light out because Bayek woke up. He was punctual and even with the curtains over the windows Bayek always woke up at dawn. He sat up blearily. "Coffee?" it was the one English word he could say because the word didn't exist in any language he knew. It wouldn't have been invented for another sixteen hundred years for him. Didn't mean he hadn't immediately become addicted just like everyone else.

"Full pot in the kitchen," Desmond said, sipping his mug.

Bayek got off the inflatable gingerly and left the room. Desmond didn't have the heart to tell him no matter how careful he was about it Altair always woke up after he left. On the bed Altair huffed, awake now as well. "You could just go back to sleep," Desmond said.

"No," Altair said softly and that tracked. He sat up. "Do you ever worry?"

"I grew up in the twenty first century, my entire body is just made out of anxiety," Desmond said.

Altair grimaced. "I mean why we're here?"

"Nope."

"Really?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"After the shit I've seen this isn't even the worst of it," Desmond said, sipping his coffee, barely paying attention to Altair.

"How is that possible?"

Desmond looked at him now. "I died, you know," he said casually, like discussing the weather. The only indication that had actually happened was his left arm was fucked up beyond belief. "And coming back from death? Nothing really bothers you," he shrugged. "Certainly not some old head mates."

"Which you won't tell us what that means," Altair said.

Desmond shrugged. "Better that way."

"So you really don't care? Why we're here? Where we came from?"

"Not even a little," Desmond was done looking at rentals. He'd just call a realtor, get them to find him a three bed two and a half bath with a yard. He switched over to Twitter. Perfect turn your brain off activity.

They sat in the dark quiet of Desmond's room for a bit. "What's it like, being dead?" Altair asked after a few minutes. Desmond didn't answer him. "Desmond?" he looked over because Altair's voice was close. He had moved to be next to Desmond's bed.

"You should know what death is like, you've killed more people than me," Desmond said off handedly.

"I've sent people to the afterlife. I've never been to one. The others have grand Catholic ideas. Bayek said he fought gods in his afterlife. But you've died. What's that like?"

"Nothing," was all Desmond said.

"It was nothing?"

"Sure. We'll go with that."

Altair scowled at him. "You're being annoyingly obtuse, young man," he growled.

Desmond looked right at him. "Don't with me," he said in a serious way. It must have been plain on his face because Altair didn't press the subject.

Light spilled in from the living room when Bayek opened the door but it was Ezio behind him who spoke up, "Desmond, Jacob drank all the coffee and there's no more left."

"I made a pot. How'd he drink an entire pot?" Desmond groaned. "Also I know you idiots know how to use the coffee machine."

"No powder," Bayek said in his Dad tie dye tank top.

Desmond sighed. "Okay I'll go to the store," he got out of bed and rummaged around for some pants. Ezio and Bayek left the doorway. "Jacob," he yelled into the main room, "you're coming with me for drinking all the coffee."

"I didn't do shit!" Jacob yelled back.

"You better be dressed when I get out there or I'm dragging your ass to the corner store in your skivies!" and it was a real threat. Desmond changed his shirt and his dead beat dad would have been so proud of him tucking his long sleeved shirt in all the time now. He didn't like it rising up when he lifted his arm, you could see the death damage on his flank too, horrible thick black veins and old burst capillaries. He also always wore a glove now.

Jacob was fuming standing in the living room when Desmond came out of the bedroom but he was fully dressed. The inflatable mattresses had been put away already and the only person with coffee was Bayek since he'd woken up first. "I didn't even drink it all," Jacob complained. "Ezio just says whatever he wants and you believe it."

"Contrary to what he thinks its because the guy can't lie to save his life. Least of all to me," Desmond said. "Now stop complaining," he pulled on his shoes.

When he opened the door to walk out he almost bumped into someone. It was a woman. She was tall for a woman with ash brown hair and old eyes wearing an insanely sharp pant suit. "Veronica?" Jacob said next to him.

"Jacob?" she said with an accent Desmond couldn't place.

"Holy shit what are you doing here?" Jacob asked.

The woman, Veronica?, looked at Desmond, then at Jacob, "That's my question." She looked over Desmond's shoulder then back at Desmond, her eyes wide in an expression just from the way she held herself Desmond took as she wasn't surprised easily. "What are they doing here?"

"Uh... they're my friends?" Desmond said, confused by the line of questioning also who the fuck was this lady? For a moment he thought she was like the others but there was no befuddlement to her, no wide eyed bewilderment. They'd all appeared looking out of time and place. She was not. She was something else.

"Who's at the door?" Ezio came around. "Ah? Maria?" he asked.

"You also recognize her?" Desmond asked.

"That's Veronica," Jacob said. Now the others were coming around.

Desmond looked at the woman who was looking right back. "You also shouldn't be here," she said and it stuck him right in the chest.

"Well that's rude," Evie said. "Don't be mean to our friend, Veronica."

"Do you all recognize this lady?" Desmond asked the Assassins and stepped back into his apartment. He felt better being surrounded by them. Whoever or whatever she was wouldn't be able to fight off seven Master Assassins.

"Of course."

"She was our friend."

"She helped me."

"She knew my father."

"She helped me complete my mission."

They all said almost at once. What the actual fuck? He'd never seen this lady in any of the memories he had but apparently they all knew her. She was a friend. They all knew her by a different name though. "What are you doing here, Melite?" Altair was the only one asking a serious question.

The woman just sort of smiled apologetically. "My name is Kassandra actually," she said. Then she looked at Desmond. "I think we need to talk."

---------

And… that’s it lol Oops sorry If you want to see other scenes maybe suggest some? We should talk about it

[sanjisluvbot]

Isekai Yandere Strawhats x Black Fem Reader 13

masterlist

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

Riddled with nerves you looked into his eyes trying to search for an answer that wouldn't break his heart. Law had been so sweet and kind to you, and you began to tear up knowing that he may not feel the same after you've told him.

" What's wrong Y/N?" He spoke moving a small curl from your face.

" Law what I am about to say is unforgivable, and I want to start off y saying I apologize and I should've been smarter and-"

you let out a sharp breath and wiped the tears that began to fall from your eyes. If you were going to do this you were going to do it right no matter what happened afterwards.

" When Zoro dragged me off to talk we kissed, back when everything between me and the strawhats was still normal Zoro and I had gotten pretty close. I was weak for a moment but that doesn't excuse what I've done and If you want to break up and not help me anymore."

It felt like you had moved a mountain. There were no more secrets and guilt, but looking at Law's reaction there were other things to worry about rather than feeling so gleeful about telling him you cheated.

His hands loosed around your waist and you could see the very visible anger on his face. He let out a huff and pulled you close, his eyes softened and he gently cradled your face before kissing your cheek.

" Y/N I honestly should be more upset at you but I'm not, we haven't known each other as long as you've known him and I can tell you're sorry about it."

That was all it took for you to shatter in his arms. You have been dragged through hell since you got here and in the last few weeks, you'd been walking on eggshells around people you once loved. This world seemed like a complete fantasy where you can come and go whenever you pleased, little did you know you would be fighting for your right to be with your own family.

Law was a breath of fresh air, you thought he would completely just turn on you. For him to tell you that he wasn't upset made every wall you put up come crashing down, there was nothing you wouldn't do for him at this point.

He cradled you in his arms and let you soak his shirt in your pent up tears, he knew you were utterly exhausted. Law wasn't angry at you for many reasons, the main one being that he was in your exact shoes at one point in his life, he knew that he couldn't hold anger for a woman who was doing all she could to survive in a world she knew little to nothing about.

You cried for what felt like hours and somewhere in between Law had gotten you to lay in his bed and you were finally able to calm down.

" Are you feeling better now?" He spoke handing you a tissue.

You nodded grabbing the tissue and wiping away the dried tears leaving you with a red nose and tired damp eyes. He smiled at you and sat beside you running his hand through your messy curls.

" Listen I'll get you some clothes to change into and you can rest some more, I'll come get you if the Strawhats come or when dinner is ready."

After you changed and crawled back into bed you realized how soft the sheets were and how cozy his blanket was and you rolled yourself into a cocoon. This was the first time you finally felt like you can rest without worrying about someone peaking over your shoulder.

While you rested Law gathered his crew and began doing what he was best at, strategizing. The heart pirates meshed together well, Law created the perfect team and they bounced ideas off one another with ease.

“ Captain the main issue is separating Y/N from the StrawHats completely. It was a nightmare when we first met her, I don’t think it will be any easier on Wano.” Shachi spoke up.

“ Yeah it was only half an hour before they went on a full search for her.” Penguin added.

The other chimed in agreeing, some disagreeing but ultimately they were able to conclude that their best advantage was the straw hats being even more separated when they got to Wano.

“ I can talk to Y/N-ya about convincing them, although this might be harder after what she told me earlier.” Law announced.

Law decided to reveal most of what you told him earlier but he decided to save your pride and tell his crew the kiss was one sided. This brought more conflict but everyone knew their main issue would be Zoro and, most likely Robin if she even got a whiff of a plan.

Law left his crew to chat amongst themselves. Soon as he was far enough he used his power and appeared in front of you, you were still snuggled in his blanket and the sight of you made his heart race.

It was in character for Law to be weak for cute things but this attraction to you drew him in by the collar. He sat at the foot of the bed watching the little movements you made while a war silently raged in his mind.

He liked you. He knew he did, every moment you spent together- even when you lie on his bed dreaming about who knows what he enjoyed it. You were this amazing otherworldly being that was unraveling out of the same web he was trapped in.

This newfound infatuation confused him, it’s not the first time he had a crush or been attracted to someone but, it just felt like so much more.

Hours later you woke up to darkness. You were dazed and confused till you heard the wild commotion happening outside the room. The voices were loud and they all meshed together being indistinguishable however, you knew very well who would was now on the ship.

Your “ crew ” was here for you, and it reminded you how short bliss had been over the last few months. You rolled your eyes and marched up to the door mentally preparing for what waits behind.

It was deja vu.

Your heart raced just as it did when Luffy found his way into your world, your home, the place where you lay your head to sleep at night. Your hand trembled on the knob and suddenly the voices stopped, the only sound you could hear was your erratic breathing and that strange buzz in your head.

“ Y/N… are you going to keep listening from the other side of the door?”

A/N: this is long overdue, you know when I started this page I didn’t think I would have writers block bc I used this as my way to escape from things going on in my life but wow… I’ve been trying to write this chapter for ages, I think it’s mostly bc I’m trying to figure out how to end the story and not drag it too much lol. Love you guys <3 thanks for almost 300

🏷️: @herwritingartcowboy @axulaphie @toshirolovebot @futmblr @rhicambo @marim0cha @sasukeswife3 @mitskikinnie100 [ PM me if you’d like to be added to the tag list or any future tag lists <3 ]

[levyfiles]

Hi there! Unfortunately the OP made their post nonrebloggable, but I wanted to thank you for adding that fact check on Watcher vs Try Guys. I'm so tired of seeing everyone shit on them based on bad faith takes and not keeping up to date with the changes they immediately introduced. It wasn't an ideal situation but this constant hate campaign over nothing is starting to grate. So thank you for stepping up! I guess the fact that the post is no longer rebloggable shows the OP was afraid people would agree with you.

It has been such a week. The Try Guys launch happened and my job immediately got more demanding for the rest of the week I only had the most minimal time for fandom and I honestly only had the energy for the more positive aspects like this week's episode of Survival Mode. Anyway, it's Sunday night; I'm geared up for work tomorrow so what I'm gonna do for this post is repost the original post without the OP identified seeing as how they don't want to be held accountable for spreading lies and I'll also repost my reply

1. Watcher didn't call anyone poor. They called $6 affordable and people inferred that from the statement.

2. Watcher did the same. The website isn't region locked where do you get your info?

3. Watchertv will be posting everything they already have on the streamer for free in a YouTube friendly format a month after.

4. They are not and were never removing their backlog. This was a myth started by the variety article.

The misinformation that caused most of this attitude is really so telling. The only thing the try guys did different is watch their old colleagues get harassed, bullied, and reamed across the drama channels on YouTube, delayed their own announcement which was supposed to be not long after Watcher's, adopt rhetoric to make fun of what their colleagues went through, and pivoted the focus of their video to butter up their audience so they forget that people were telling Watcher to lay people off, to fire their cofounder, to go back to making Buzzfeed limited budget crap, to continue to slave over ad specific parameters to get paid when that is the one thing Watcher And the Try Guys are trying to escape.

The concept of "spin" has never been so hilariously in practice. All you guys need is for the video to "feel good" in order to comprehend that two different companies said the exact same thing, are both valid for making the move, and that controlling their content is supposed to be a beautiful thing on this shit plain of a platform.

It just so happens one party didn't spin it right, so people are acting like the endgame isn't meant to be the same on different scales.

@ THE GENERAL PUBLIC: STOP SPREADING MISINFORMATION TO MAKE YOURSELVES FEEL JUSTIFIED FOR HARRASSING THESE CREATORS.

[shitty-check-please-aus]

since we're two weeks into Resolution Month, I want to give a few reminders as someone who's gotten in and out of the gym a lot in the past five years:

imo it takes like 6 weeks to get into the habit, I know people give specific numbers like 21 days but in my experience that's how long it takes me to reach the mentality of "oh I want to go to the gym AND I feel worse when I don't go." Your exact timeline will be different probably, but give it time

if you see people online running or walking at a certain pace, I need you to remember one important thing: you are not necessarily the same height as that person online. My 5'4" ass can't do a 12-3-30 as a walking pace the same way some 6'3" person can, 3mph is jogging or speedwalking for me. Like some of it is definitely a difference in fitness levels but at a certain point the length of your legs dictate how far you can go per step.

honestly just don't compare yourself to anyone else at all

if you're getting into weightlifting, don't be intimidated by the weights section of the gym. Sometimes it's a bit nervewracking to enter a space that's entirely filled with buff dudes, but nobody's going to give you any shit for lifting. Just be polite, wipe down your equipment, don't hog anything for too long, and you'll be fine.

speaking of lifting, for a while I was only wearing cushiony shoes to the gym, but your leg day will be better if you've got some super flat shoes, I use converse now. They don't really take up much room in my gym bag

speaking of the gym bag, it's easiest to get to the gym if you make everything easier on yourself. I keep my bag mostly packed- my shoes stay in there, my lock stays in there, some chapstick, etc. You can pack your next gym outfit as soon as you get home, keep an empty water bottle in there to fill when you get to the gym, there's tons of options.

if you need a rest day/week/whatever, don't feel guilty about not working out. I got slammed with a bad cold this week, so I'm taking everything extremely easy until I recover. Doesn't mean I'm giving up on the gym

[dreamypqulson]

— birthday girl pt.6

summary: april celebrates her fourth birthday with her new found family.

pairing: cordelia goode x misty day x april!oc

warnings: none

word count: 1600

note: i’m back!! had to start back off with my april fics OFC :) i hope it’s good i haven’t wrote in months!!

pt. 1 | pt.2 | pt.3 | pt.4 | pt.5 | pt.6

Cordelia and Misty gazed lovingly at each other in their bed until April eventually stirred. That night, she had decided that she was going to cling onto Cordelia. It was one of the habits that they were trying to break. They were trying to get her to sleep in her own bed, but she was the birthday girl so neither of them could deny her that night.

Aprils dark eyelashes batted open and her thumb that rested against her cheek found its way back into her mouth. She smiled when she saw Cordelia. The older woman smiled back with her tongue between her teeth, and she brushed away the stray hair that fell against Aprils eyes.

"Good morning, birthday girl," Cordelia was the first to say, her voice merely above a whisper.

The little girl giggled at the name and it only increased when her other mother kissed her cheek and said the same exact thing. "Morning mommies," her voice muffled with the thumb still in her mouth. She was finally turning that age where Cordelia and Misty had to start breaking these habits. They knew it would be tough; the only time she wasn't sucking her thumb was when she were using her hands to play or eat. The only nights she wasn't sleeping with her mothers was well...never. They both knew that this had to do with a comfort and separation anxiety thing.

"Happy birthday, sunshine. Ya gettin' so old on me!"

"Four, mama!" April held up three fingers as she spoke and the women chuckled at her. The only reason she knew how old she was turning was because the girls had been bringing it up to her for the entire week leading up. Everyone was just so excited for her.

"One more finger, baby. That's three," Cordelia corrected with a laugh. April held up another finger and smiled the biggest she could at her mom. "There you go! Good job, my love." She kissed April's cheek.

"Cake!" April finally said. And both women knew it was coming. That was April's favorite part of birthday's. She loved sweets but something about birthday cake always seemed extra special. "Cake! Cake, mommies!" The little blonde continued when her mothers didn't answer promptly.

"Cake after dinner, sweet tooth. How about we have some of mommies amazing breakfast to hold us off?" Misty winked at Cordelia. One thing about the supreme is that she knows how to cook and Misty loves to eat everything she makes.

Minutes later and Cordelia carried the girl on her hip all the way down to the kitchen. Misty trailed behind them with a bright smile. They had both planned the day out ahead of time, specialized just for the birthday girl.

It was Aprils fourth birthday but first one celebrating it at the academy. Celebrating it with her new second mother. Cordelia just had to make it special for her girl. And she would for the many years to come.

Misty always tried to do the best she could in the swamp with no money. She would always find a way to make April a cake even if it was from scratch. She would make flower crowns with her and let her play in the mud for how forever long she wants. And as much as the little girl loved that, Misty was happy that her daughter was finally going to be able to experience a real put-together birthday.

When the three of them got down there, there had already been a happy birthday sign above the doorway, and a special pink balloon with a four on it tied onto April's chair. However, the little girl was more intrigued by the pile of presents in the corner of the room.

Later last night when April was asleep, the girls had willingly helped the two mothers with decorating. And had even bought April their very own gifts -Madison possibly going overboard.

"Mama look! Look! Presents!" April wasn't greedy but she knew those presents were for her and she so wanted to just rip them all open. She tugged on the hem of Misty's sleep shorts to get her attention when Cordelia went over to start breakfast.

"Look at all of those, little bug. All for ya!" Misty leaned down and gently tapped April's tinted-pink nose. She had spotted the presents and now she couldn't focus on anything else.

"Open now! Please." April stuck out her bottom lip because she knew nobody could ever refuse her with that look on her face. But Misty couldn't just have her open those when half of them were from the girls.

"How about we wait 'till all the girls wake up? I'm sure they wanna watch ya open 'em." April huffed and crossed her arms, she wasn't okay with that idea, but she seemed to lighten up when Misty started tickling her sides.

"Mama," April yelled with laughter, but to no avail would Misty stop. "Mommy, mommy, help!" The little girl finally ran away from the relentless fingers and went to hide behind Cordelia's legs. Cordelia laughed and placed the spatula down. She lifted her girl up onto her hip when April started to do grabby hands towards her.

Misty walked over to the pair, kissing Aprils scrunched up nose and then Cordelia's lips before going over to the pot to make herself some morning tea.

Cordelia started flipping the pancake mix in the pan with April on her hip, the young girl babbling about all of her birthday wishes. "Mommy, those all for me!" April pointed to the pile of her birthday presents. She couldn't get it off of her mind.

Before Cordelia responded, a groggy Madison and smiley Zoe walked into the room. April immediately began to wiggle out of Cordelia's arms until she put her down. Little legs ran over the the two witches, screeching their names with a big smiles.

Zoe picked her up and held April between Madison and her. "Aunties, It's my birthday!" The little girl squealed, always overly excited for even the littlest of things.

"Happy birthday, Rilly! Four already?" Zoe exclaimed with the same excitement that April shared. Madison on the other hand, was still grumpy, but she managed to smile at the interaction of her two favorite people.

"Happy birthday, April," Madison mumbled, because there was still many people here to witness her stone cold demeanor thawing. Nevertheless, the tiny blonde still heard her say it, and that was enough for her.

April giggled at the pair and eventually got passed into Madison's arms while Zoe went to brew her and her girlfriend a cup of coffee. "Auntie Madi, did you get me a gift? Mama said all those presents for me!" 

Madison laughed at her and placed her down in her booster chair. Misty, standing by her girlfriend at the stove, shook her head and smirked. "Bug, ya know ya don't ask people that," Misty corrected her manners.

"But Mama, Auntie Madi gives best gifts ever!"

Cordelia placed the plates of food on the table and everyone seated there. "Don't worry, I got you a gift or two," Madison finally said. She had so much money, so why not spoil her 'niece' with it? April squealed just at the thought.

Throughout the entire breakfast, she rambled about how amazing today was going to be. She hardly even focused on her favorite strawberry pancakes that her mom made her. She could hardly wait for breakfast to be over so she could open her birthday gifts.

Eventually she got to that, opening a bunch of toys; mostly dolls and stuff to draw with. However, Madison got her, her very own child makeup kit. She always loved watching Madison do her makeup, and even did it for her sometimes. It had to be one of her favorite gifts. Even if Cordelia had to grit her teeth knowing that the eyeshadow was somehow going to end up on her white walls.

-

Later that evening, Cordelia walks into the living room to find Madison doing April's makeup. Just some pink lipstick and colorful eyeshadow, but it's enough to make the little girl happy.

"Look at you two," Cordelia says, and it startles both of the girls. Madison rolls her eyes, but April giggles at her mom. Madison hates when Cordelia catches her hanging out with April because it shows that she genuinely has a heart.

"Mommy look! Madi did birthday makeup on me with my new stuff!" Cordelia walks over to the couch and picks the young girl up when she reaches her arms up. She places her on her hip and smiles brightly at her.

"You look so pretty, baby! I love the pink on you." Cordelia laughs at the fact that Misty would never wears makeup, and April absolutely loves it. Maybe she just really looks up to Madison.

"Thanks. Look like you." Cordelia could've cried. She could've, but she didn't want Madison to make fun of her. If little April is complimenting her, then she knows it's genuine. 

"You're just the sweetest, huh?" Cordelia leans forward and kisses the April's nose, making the girl scrunch it up and giggle. "Speaking of sweet, how about we go have some of that birthday cake?"

April's smile gets impossibly bigger. She's only been waiting the entire day for this, and has been very patient. "Yes! Please!"

Cordelia carries April into the dining room, Madison following behind them. Misty and all of the girls are already there, waiting for the birthday girl.

Cordelia brings the young girl front and center to the cake. The dining room lights are dimmed and the candles are lit on her alligator themed cake, of course. April can hardly hold in her excitement as the room starts singing Happy Birthday to her.

April blows out her candles and everyone cheers her on. Misty watches the glimmer in her little girls eyes, and she knew, this was where they both belonged.

[imaginesforeveryone]

The Leader of the Peaky Blinders (Part 6)

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x Y/N  Description:You are from one of the most notorious families in Chicago and you were about to make deals with the most notorious families of England.  Warning:

Your driver put the last of yours, and Thomas’ things in the car, you got in and off you were on your journey to Virginia. Arthur rode along with the men that your father sent with you. He seemed to be getting along with them very well surprisingly. Being we are Italians and they weren’t to ford of us. 

“Sorry we couldn’t go ride the horses yesterday.” You spoke up after 20 minutes of silence. 

“That’s quite alright, love. We are going back to my home where my horses are, that now I can show you and we can ride.” He said with a smirk.

“Can’t wait.” You said going back to silence. 

“Also.” He said speaking up and leaning towards you taking your chin softly in his hand and brining your face close to his. 

“I’m going to show you to your room when we get to my home, then I’ll give you a tour of the house, show you the living room, the dining room, the ballroom, the kitchen, the study, my office, then I’m going to save my room for last.” He said stopping, and planting a quiet, soft kiss on your neck, then coming back up to your ear. 

“Then I’m going to show you what I look like underneath you, in my massive bedroom, on my massive bed, making you cum, over and over again, until you cannot handle it anymore. Until you’re squirting and have no juices left to give.” He whispered into your ear making sure your driver couldn’t hear. Sending shivered ALL through your body. Feeling your walls tighten just thinking about it. 

“I didn’t now I could make a New York gangster like you turn that red.” He said with a sly smirk, and pulling the bill of his hat down to take a little sleep on this journey. So you decided to do the same. 

You felt the car slow all the way down and come to a complete stop. Opening your eyes you saw the big ship that awaited your arrival. Getting out of the car and shutting the door. You began your walk up bridge to get into the ship. You, Thomas, Arthur and all your men got onto it and found your seats. 

It was a long ride. A week to be exact. Finally being able to walk off the ship and onto dry land. 

“Jesus Christ I never thought I loved flat land more than I do now.” You said stepping off the ramp into the docks. 

“Yeah, you get used to it, love.” Arthur said stepping off next to you .

“The Shelby boys are back baby!!” Arthur yelled pushing through the crowd of people. Your men had all the bags and followed you and Thomas to the cars. You, Tommy, and Arthur all got into one car and the rest of the men in another. 

“Welcome to London, darling.” Tommy said lighting a cigarette. 

“Not half bad. a little more smoggy than New York, but pretty much the same.” You said looking around as you drove thought the town. 

“We have to stop at the betting shop. I have to handle some stuff, and you get to meet the rest of the business and family.” Tommy told you as the car took a left turn down a pretty ghetto looking street made of brick. 

“Welcome to Birmingham.” Arthur said sticking his head out the window and taking in the smell of it all. The car stopped infant of a building that looked like it was about to fall apart. 

“This is your betting shop?” You asked looking at its crumbled sides and not to healthy look exterior. 

“Yes. It’s been through a lot, but she still stand here.” He said opening the car door and getting out. Your men getting out of the car behind you. 

“Pete, with me, the rest of you stay out here.” You ordered. Your biggest man, Pete coming to your side. 

“You don’t have to worry around here, love. We run this town. Any allies of mine are allies of everyone around.” He explained as he walked with you. 

“Only precaution Tommy boy.” You said with a wink. Getting to the front door you walked in and it was a mad house. Men screaming at each other. Men running around the shop. Your heels clicking the ground as you walked in causing all the men to stop in their tracks. 

“What are you all looking at!? get back to fucking work you wankers!” Arthur yelled at them. 

“Come on. Let’s meet Polly.” Tommy said as you followed him to the back to an office that sat in what looked like a jail sell. A women sat in the chair on the phone, and talking to two other men stand around her. 

“Polly.” He said sitting down. He caught her attention and she looked over seeing you and hanging up the phone. 

“Ah shit. What happened? The wop is here. so what happened?” She said standing up looking more frustrated than before. 

“Excuse me?” You said to her slang term towards you. 

“Oh sweetie, don’t take offense. I’m just an insensitive cunt who can’t control her tongue.” She said with a smirk at the end. 

“Let everyone know family meeting at the Arrow House at dawn, and you will calm the fuck down.” Tommy stood seeming to not want to deal with her when she was acting like this. 

“Fuck you Tommy!” She screamed as you two walked away. 

“Well she’s a ray of sunshine huh?” You asked as you walked back to the car. 

“Yeah, she’s not always like that. The betting shop does something to her while she’s there.” He explained opening the door for you. 

Arriving at what Tommy called, “The Arrow House” after quite a bit of a drive. You didn’t imagine he had a house like this. Looked as if it was a castle at one time. It was beautiful. Rounding around the big fountain that was in the middle of the driveway, and stopping in front of the door. You stepped out onto the gravel driveway and stared up at it. 

“Tommy, this place is beautiful.” You spoke almost breathless.

“Well as someone once said, I got it pumping some rich guy full of drugs.” He said plainly and started walking towards the front door. 

“Come on everyone. Lets go.” He spoke at the door. Everyone followed and made their way into the house. You walked in and saw the beautiful chandeliers that hung from the ceilings, the large stair way leading upstairs, with a picture hanging of Thomas, his late wife Grace, and his son Charlie. 

“Dad!” You heard a kids voice say and running into the room engulfing Tommy in a hug. 

“Charlie. My boy!” Thomas said hugging his son back. He came up to Thomas chin and was on the scrawny side. But, he was an adorable kid. 

“Charlie, I’d like for you to meet Miss. Capone. She will be staying with us for awhile. Just so you know if you see her trotting around the house.” Tommy explained to Charlie. 

“Hello, Miss. Capone. I’m Charlie.” He spoke in his little English accent coming up to you and sticking his hand out to shake yours. 

“Very nice to meet you Charlie. You can call me Y/N, and you’re the only one who gets to call me that. Specially for you.” You said smiling at him. He turned a bit red with a grin spreading across his face.

“Alright time for Violin practice. Go on.” Tommy said shoeing him with one of the maids. 

“Alright, we all will go to the living room, and wait for the others to arrive to have this meeting.” Thomas said showing you and the others to the living room. You sat in a chair that was about twice her size of you, making you feel like a queen. You and Tommy were the only two sat in the room. Your men stood outside of the room and roamed the house making sure everything was safe. 

“So here’s the living room.” Thomas said handing you a glass with brown liquid in it. Could only assume that it was Irish. 

“Beautiful.” You said looking around seeing a large fire place and gold pieces sitting around along with silver pieces and large paintings. 

“Remember where I said I was showing you next?” He asked leaning over in your ear. 

“Everyone! Dining room, I’M STARVING!” A loud, tall, man in long jacket, and walked with a bounce in his step said walking into the house. You smiled up at him and stood from your seat. Tommy coming to your side, but before he could leave the room, you pulled him to the wall, where no one could see you two and attached your lips to his, giving him a deep hard kiss.

“Mr. Shelby, I do not like to be teased. I WILL find your room. I WILL strip down to my bearskin. I WILL lay in your massive bed. I WILL touch myself in YOUR bed.” You whispered to him making him slightly grin. He turned the corner and made his way to the big beautiful dining room, that sat in the heart of the home. Hung a beautiful painting of his with one of his racehorses. 

“Well hello there. You must be Miss. Capone.” The same tall, loud man said coming up to you, kind of close to you. 

“Yes, and Miss. Capone doesn’t like people in her face. Miss. Capone will cut dicks off if need be.” You said inches from his face but all he did was scoff and giggle. 

“She’s telling the truth John. Watched her do it with my own two eyes.” Arthur said from across the table causing John to back up a bit and stick his hand out to shake yours. 

“John.” He said with a smile. 

“Y/N Capone, nice to meet you John.” You said with a smile back and shaking his hand. 

“She’s a feisty one. I love it !” John said turning to go sit down. You went and sat next to Tommy as the food as being put in front of everyone. 

“Alright. Everyone eat but also listen.” Thomas said getting everyones attention. 

“So obviously we have a guest. Y/N Capone, Al Capones daughter is with us. We have just about come to amends with her and her family. But we have found stuff behind shipped and docked at her families boat yard. Snow and opium.” He spoke out introducing you and explain some of the situation. 

“We hav figured out who the supplies are going to in America, and we have figured out who is sending them.” He exclaimed out still seeming like not everyone was at attention. 

“Jack Nelson and Billy Hill.” Is at that Tommy had to say and everyone choked on their food hearing those names. 

“Jack. Nelson? Where the fuck did this wanker come out of? The shit dumpsters that lay in New York?” John asked looking down the table. The rest of dinner was talking about business and the situation going on and how to find Billy and take him down. After that everyone dispersed and went their separate ways in the house. One of the maids showing you to your room, where your bags had already been brought. 

“Have a goodnight miss.” She said with a bow and a smile. You walked into the room and looked around. It had tall windows, covering by beautiful drapes that just hovered off the floor. off to the right there was a bathroom that was covered in white tile, a large claw bathtub, with a shower head. Vanity set in the corner of the bathroom with all different types of perfumes, and some make up. The carpet was covered in medallion shapes in a deep red tone. Thomas really had some good, high class taste. You grabbed your bag, and set it on the bed. You began emptying it and putting everything in the tall mahogany wardrobe that sat in the corner of the room. You grabbed out a short black silk nightgown that was lace at the breast so it showed a bit of them through it, along with a matching robe that was outlined in lace just like the night gown. You opted for no shoes, considering if Thomas stuck to his words, they would just get in the away. 

could you be falling for this man? You haven’t gone a day without thinking about Thomas Shelby and those icy blue eyes. But he was. a backyard street gangster from England, that was also not an ally to your family just yet. But, you couldn’t help but stop and get lost in thought about him. How he carried himself as if he was on top of the world, just like you were taught to do. You couldn’t help but think of the things he did to you back in New York in your room. How he’s hands so effortlessly glide over your silky smooth skin. The way his warm whiskey stained breathe left you in chills when you felt it on your neck. The way he had no emotion in those eyes of his, but yet so much at the same time. Your father would be baffled at the sight of you and Thomas Shelby as something more than just a work transaction. But so would Thomas Shelby.

[xiaonyc]

Xiaobabys complete guide to be a baddie in the kitchen ₊⋅ 🔪 ‧₊˚✮★

Background ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ This is a guide for girlies who cook or want to cook for themselves and their loved ones regularly. This is what works for me. And its constantly adapting. Cooking is not just WHAT you eat, its the whole process from thinking of what to make to washing the dishes ...AND feelin cute and powerful at the same time.

I wont go into depth about exact foods or nutritional value, this is more for the PROCESS u can apply to whatever you eat.

Step 1: Lookin cute and feeling like a domestic queen

★ Wear a cute apron, not only protects your clothes but really gets you in the mood for cooking, and house slippers since the tile floor is cold

★ Make cute recipe cards, i find cards easier than a notebook because i can put them up with magnet

★ Make a cute menu for the week on a whiteboard on the fridge like its your own little restaurant. At the top you can put something like, Xiaobaby's patisserie or Xiaobaby's kitchen, name it something fun and encouraging (i dont do this bc my fridge is not very visible, but i think this is such a fun idea ^_^) edit: i did this today and can verify its very cute 👍

★ print or write down recipes when you can. Or buy a cookbook. Its reaaly tough to use phone and cook, esp with wet hands

Step 2: Think and plan

Over time it will get easier, but to start ive found it helpful to write a plan down. This includes:

★ make a weekly meal plan

I plan to cook 6 days usually and 1 day is take out/lazy day

simple meal days: of the 6 days, I include at least 1 very simple meal (usually pasta for me, but this could be frozen meal, etc), but you can do more to your needs

for each day, I cook 1 main meal with leftovers for another meal. (Usually lunch, with leftovers for dinner. you can do dinner with leftovers for next day lunch) The rest is filled with simple meals (oatmeal, smoothies, snacks) i dont follow the 3 meals/day, personally. Sometimes its more sometimes less.

Of course you dont have to follow it exactly, but it helps to make sure you have enough food for the week

★ make a grocery list

Separate into:

pantry staples (things you can stock up on, need to get less frequently) such as oatmeal, pasta, rice, flour, cereal

basic seasonings (for me: salt, pepper, soy sauce, vinegar, brown sugar) you dont need much to start, as you cook more, you can add more seasonings

everything else once you have the previous two, you just need to focus on fresh ingredients and snacks

──────── ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ────────

Tips:

╰✩ use 1 ingredient in multiple ways (ie broccoli flowers for one meal, stem for a stir fry)

╰✩ pick simple recipes to start, searching up recipes can be daunting. I honestly think simple tastes better. For anything you want to cook, search "simple" or "easy" in front of it. If cooking for family, ask what they want to eat.

╰✩ adapt recipes, make them your own! Don't be afraid to substitute ingredients or omit them completely

╰✩ pick a theme each week to make use of all your ingredients and not waste food

╰✩ don't buy an ingredient for one recipe that you will never use again (such as a spice), it will go to waste. instead substitute it with something you will use or omit it completely. If you decide to get it, look up other recipes that use that ingredient

Step 3: cooking

★ Prep before cooking

prep all veggies and meats first (give yourself at least 30min)

★ Minimize dishes

Remember, everything you use you have to clean

minimise hard to wash utensils like whisks and use fork or chopsticks instead (ie to whisk eggs)

use less pots/pans, which i find the most annoying to clean by cooking consecutively in 1 pan instead of having multiple pots going at once (Ex. Cook pasta, drain it, then cook sauce in the same pot) or cooking one pot meals

Step 4: Cleaning dishes

★ Wash as you are waiting for things to cook, only if its something that you dont need to keep an eye on!

★ Wash cutting boards and anything wood immediately after eating to prevent mold. If i am tired, I just wash anything wood, and leave everything else for later

★ Soak dishes you are not going to wash immediately

★ If you leave some dirty dishes, its ok, but it is best to wash dishes before you have to cook again, it makes it so much easier to cook when you arent digging through dirty dishes for utensils you need, or a spatula. It really breaks the flow and makes cooking more difficult and time consuming

★ If you find you are leaving a lot of dishes, think of ways to streamline your process! Its all a learning and growing experience so don't be too hard on yourself

Step 5: Celebrate your wins, continue learning

★ be proud of yourself! This is something difficult especially if you are feeding many mouths. Don't be too hard on yourself,

★ build confidence, at first i was very sensitive because i cook for my family and didnt want them to think i am a bad cook, so i couldnt take criticism well, but now i cooked so many meals and the tasty meals far outweigh the not so tasty ones that i honestly forget about it. Also i am way more confident in my skills after having done research and writing down recipes, it all gets easier with practice

★ love yourself, want to nourish your body, so that you can nourish others ♡

all photos are not my own, from a very fun anime ^^ <3 love this show sm. hope you enjoyed this guide and happy cooking ♡ let me know how it goes!

[eddiesguitarskills]

When We Were Young

Part 5

Ex bf Eddie Munson X fem reader

Other parts 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

Intro: 5 years have past since you packed up and left behind Hawkins. Well not all of it, as the people you met there are still a huge part of your life. But it's been 5 years since you had set a foot in the small town, 5 years since you left him.And now after all that time you were back.

Warning: angst, language, mentions of suicide, miscarriages, self harm, mental health.Arguments. Mentions of break ups. Female identity reader. Use of y/n

Bold parts are flashbacks

Word Count: 4.3 k

A/n: please only read if you are in a good place, I wouldn't want this story to trigger or hurt anyone. This took a while to write again, I just don’t want to rush it. Sorry for the wait hope you enjoy. Buckle in for this rollercoaster of a chapter

Not prove read

The first week of school had been hectic, to say the least, you had expected that. But it genuinely felt like you haven't been able to sit down once, you thought by having all your lesson prepared there wouldn't be too much work other than classes. However, you wanted to make good connections at your new place of work. Especially since a lot of the teachers at the school were there when you were a teenager, you felt like they still saw you as a kid not ready for this responsibility.

Steve fit in so well, he was always better with older people. It was easier for him he was a charmer. You on the other hand were better with kids/teenagers they were easier to read. Your wanting to fit in had led you to have multiple jobs, you felt like this was a test from the other teachers, like a form of hazing so you just said yes and went along with it. You helped organise books in the library. Ran after-school detention. Had to watch the canteen at lunchtime. You were on a permanent coffee run. You had even fallen into the trap of helping to repaint a wall with the school janitor. You were honestly surprised you had any time to teach in between everything you were doing.

Steve had told you “you don't need to do that to fit in. You'll find your place you always do”. But you didn't know how long that might take so you went along with it. It felt worth it when you were invited to drink after school at the local bar on Friday. You knew Steve didn't go to these things which made you nervous, but you knew you would have to start to exist in this town without your crutch.

Which is why you were now standing arm-to-arm with your new colleagues in a packed Hideout. It had improved since the last time you had been there. However despite its new paint, new artwork on the walls. Even with a new sign with a new name, Waterdeep, It still felt the same. The exact same as the night you and Eddie properly met. Nothing had changed. While listening to your colleagues share memories, ignoring your existence, you look around to see what was still there since you last came. You wonder if your’s and Eddie’s initials would still be carved on the table near the toilets. Most people avoided that table so as a teenager in love you thought this would be the best spot to leave the mark of your love.

Sweat dripping from every inch of his body, Eddie jumps from the small stage guitar still strapped to him, over to you. He grabs your cheeks and kisses you deeply. You were glad to be held because you think you would have fallen if not. You had already gone weak at the knees tonight when you heard Eddie’s new song dedicated to you, singing about you being the one. “Did you like it?” You nod your head. “Better than anything I’ve ever heard. Did you mean it?”. Eddie smiles “as I said in the song I don’t care if people think I’m young, and dumb. I know one thing, you are the one I will love for the rest of time”. Heat starts to rise to your cheeks. “When did you get so soft?” He grabs your ass from under your skirts. “Maybe it’s when I saw your rocking body” he joked because he loved you for more than that. But Jesus he would happily worship your body every day. That would be the only religion he would need.

You smacked his chest playfully, then dragged him to where you were sitting. He placed you on his lap in the booth at the table, kissing your ear and your neck. He couldn’t keep his hands off you. You giggled but could also feel more than butterflies starting to rise in your body. You took his hand from your waist and pulled it under the table “eager” he said not understanding that you weren’t trying to ‘play’ in the bar. He put his hand on your leg running up and down it. “Eddie, I didn’t mean that”. He looked glum but quickly removed his hand not wanting to make you uncomfortable. “At least not here at least”. You spoke so only he could hear you. You pulled his hand under the table again and let him feel it. He felt the outline of both your initials carved into the wood. He smiled. “So no matter where we go our mark will always be on the first place we met”. He pulled you in for another kiss, then moved you off his lap. Reaching into his pocket. “In that case, it has to be someone less hidden than under the table. I think our love at least deserves the top of it”. It was silly but I’m that moment it felt like the most romantic thing. At that time everything Eddie did felt like the most romantic thing to ever happen.

You couldn't stop staring at the table, wondering if it was still there. That might be the only proof you have that your love was real. That you were happy together, that at one point he loved you. “What world have you travelled off to now?” You spun around to the sound of the low gravelly voice. You should have put two and two together and realised if Eddie was to own any bar of course it would be this one. It held so many memories for him. It was of his safe places where he could completely be himself. Maybe it wasn't the original dream for him but it made so much sense. It was like this job was always meant for him. You were happy for him.

Eddie had not expected to see you here. Despite how he was acting he was nervous but strangely happy to see you. This could be his only chance to talk to you. He thought you might avoid him for the rest of his life for how he treated you last time you had spoke. Sure you had said some things and you had still hurt him, but hearing about the breakdown made him feel guilty. He felt like the guilt was eating him alive or maybe it was the wondering that was doing that, (if he saw the signs he could have helped?). The problem is when he had these internal battles in his head he always stubbornly ended up with the same thought, that you left him before he had a chance to fix it. Part of him wanted to apologize but he didn't know 100% what for and he was sure he wasn't supposed to know about what happened. Dustin said it wasn't public knowledge, only Steve was allowed to know. It was always Steve. Even now he felt jealous that you always completely let Steve into your world and he had only got a chance to dip his foot in. Even worse now he was out of it altogether.

He was so nervous that he thought about not talking to you, and hiding in the back until you left. That would be pathetic he thought, but he was tempted. That was until he watched you more intensively and noticed how the people you were with were ignoring you completely but then again you weren't trying with them. It looked like you had given up on interacting, he couldn't blame you he recognize many of the faces of his old teacher and he wouldn't want to talk to them either. But this was your new job, you need to try with them. You couldn't shut down. It wasn’t his responsibility to make you feel less lonely or at ease but he didn’t want have something else to feel guilty about. Maybe he couldn't trust you with his heart but he could give you an olive branch.

He noticed you still hadn't said anything and had gone back to daydreaming, he used to think you had the cutest face when you went into a trance. You still did. He almost didn't want to break you from it again, but the longer you were there the more he panicked. He remembers what you said about this place at the Harrington’s, saying it wasn't his dream like he was a failure. Were you judging him? He wanted to put on a front like he didn't care what you thought, but he couldn't stop thinking about it.

“Welcome to my almost dream” you both cringed at his words. “It looks good”. You didn't know what to say. You wanted to tell him you were proud, but it wasn't your place anymore. He hoped you meant that. Those few words were something he didn't know he needed until he heard them from your mouth. “The usual?” he smiled. You were a creature of habit, but maybe you had changed he thought. Maybe this was a small test to find out what was the Same and what was new about you. Every time he remembered you drinking, you would have a vodka and coke. Only half a shot of vodka though. It always felt like the safest drink. “Just a coke. I can't drink anymore”. Why did you tell him that? Can't. The word made him thinking you not drinking wasn’t by choice. He wanted to ask. The word don't and can't are very different but it wasn't his place anymore. “Coming right up”.

He pours a coke from the tap and slides it over to you. “How much?” he shakes his head. “Call it mates rates” he uses a stupid British accent to impersonate you. He regrets it instantly when you don't laugh or smile. How could you smile when you were face to face with the fact that the old Eddie was still in there? The one you loved. Did he flirt with all the customers? Was he just being nice? Was there more to it? Did he notice you looking glum and was trying to cheer you up? Why would he care?

It made sense if you were being rational about it, there was nothing more to it then the fact that he couldn't be cruel like usual in front of the customers. He had to be pretend to be nice but that didn’t stop your heart from stupidly beating slight faster. You knew the old Eddie would unfortunately for you never be real again. A glimpse was all it would ever be, he would slip back to the Eddie who hated you on your next meeting. The thought hurt more than you would like to admit. “I didn't know we were friends” you mutter. It sounded like a dig, you didn't exactly mean it to, but it was a fact.

Silence followed after your statement, you assumed with how busy the bar was, Eddie would use this as his excuse to leave. He had been civil enough for the evening he could go, but he stayed. Thinking about what to say next. Sure you were right, you weren't exactly friends, but you weren't strangers, and given the new information he knew about you, he couldn't bring himself to hate you. So where did that leave you two? The silence was killing you, it felt like all the noise from the bar had disappeared and the only sound you could hear was the gears turning in his head.

You look around the room for anything to mention to stop whatever this was. You see the stage, with a drum set at the back and a microphone. “Do you still play?” He was very thankful for your change of topic and even more thankful you were still talking to him. He wanted to enjoy these few moments with you. He shakes his head. Your stomach sank. You hated that, he was good. Maybe he wasn't amazing enough to break out of the state, but he was still good. You used to love singing with him in his trailer while he played the guitar. You could have never imagined he would have given up something that made him so happy. You wondered what other happiness he had deprived himself of. “Why?” He shrugs his shoulders and mutters “because it made me think of you”. You shouldn't have been able to hear him with how low he spoke, especially with how loud the atmosphere was but he was all you were focused on right now and his words felt like another knife being twisted in you.

It showed you that no matter how hard he pretends to be nice or civil with you, he still looks down on you and blames all his down comings on you. “Oh, so it's my fault”. God he hoped you hadn't even heard it and now you thought he was insulting you. Eddie Munson could not win with you, he ran his hand through his hair. Keep calm, you are doing so well. She is just trying to get a raise out of you he told himself. “That’s not what I meant sweetheart,” he says walking off to the other end of the bar to help the other bartenders. Your heart was beating so fast you were sure you were having a heart attack. You guessed it could be a panic attack but it didn't feel like that. Could it be... No, you shake your head of course not.

“ I see some things never change” you turn around to see Mrs O’donald your old teacher giggling into her chardonnay. “You two were always joined at the hip, I hope he doesn't get you into trouble anymore. I always thought you could do better than him” she slurred her words. It was weird seeing someone who used to be your teacher and who was now your colleague drunk. She always had an issue with Eddie, you always thought it was people like her that was at fault for his failures. Sure he could have put more effort in but it's hard to do that when the people who are supposed to teach you don't even have your back. That's part of the reason you wanted to be a teacher to help kids like Eddie, show they can do it and are worth it. But to hear her still look down on him, pissed you off. You smiled the fakest smile and grabbed your coke off the bar downing it. “Looks like he's doing pretty good to me. I guess you and everyone else were wrong about him. In fact he did all this without your help” with that you left.

The next morning you woke up glad for it to be a Saturday, it had dawned on you what you had said. You were better than that, you could usually bite your tongue. You had worked so hard to fit in and now you had gone against one of the top dogs at school, you hoped it was just your anxiety making you worry and school would be fine. You should have kept your mouth shut. After everything he had done to you, you were still defending him. You felt like a fool. So like a fool, you spend the rest of the weekend in bed hardly eating, walling in self-pity. Ignoring the phone.

As soon as Monday came around you knew you couldn't avoid the world anymore. Maybe it wasn't as big of a deal as you were making it. You hoped it had been forgotten about. Whatever the case you needed to sort out your thoughts, you couldn't teach like this. You were thankful for the first period being free. You sat at the desk eating a cereal bar making sure the scripts from Romeo and Juliet were ready for your next lesson with the juniors. You heard a tap on the door, “come in”.

Steve looked at you and shook his head. “So you are alive then” you want to roll your eyes at him, but you hate to think he was worrying about you all weekend. After what happened you knew better than to just shut out the world or at least better than to shut out Steve. “I'm sorry it was a weird weekend”. He gulped worried that something bad had happened, he knew he should have just come around to your house to check on you. “Weird like how everyone is saying you and Eddie are dating or did something else happen?” He decides to mix a joke in about the rumours in the staff room to disguise his worry. He knows you and Eddie had been seen talking on Friday. He hoped it was better than the last time you were in a room together. He hoped Eddie wasn’t to blame for you shutting Steve out all weekend.

You groan and slam your head on the desk. You didn't think that's the gossip that would be spread. You didn't want to have your name linked to Eddie anymore. “Jesus I should have kept my mouth shut, you can't talk to anyone in this town without it being news. All I did was defend him one time”. Steve looked at you confused “wait so you spoke to him, didn’t kill each other. Then defended him. Are you okay?”. You fake laugh. “seriously though I don't know if it's a good idea for you two to be friends, I don't want you to get hurt again”. The school bell rang “I get it, dad, now you better go I have class”.

Eddie had also had a weird weekend but he didn't have the chance to stay inside all weekend like you. He had to go to work. He wishes he hadn’t overheard you standing up for him. It played over and over in his head. Your being back in town had caused more questions. Nothing made sense. He assumed you hated him or didn't like him anymore so you left but why would you stand up for someone you didn't care about? He guessed you were just being nice but it felt like more than that. Before he even had a chance to ask you or thank you, you had left.

He had Monday off work, so he decided this would be his day to go wallow and figure out what this all meant. As soon as one pm hit, he got a call from Dustin so he had to postpone his wallowing. He was thankful for his friend's constant chatter it was a nice distraction from thinking about you. About two hours after that the doorbell rang to signal someone was at his door. Maybe it was you. He had gone a full two hours without thinking about you and now as soon as his brain had a chance to drift to you, it did. It made no sense either why you would be at the door, you didn’t even know where he lived anymore. Even if it was you, what you be here for? What would you even talk about? It made no sense to want you here, but he couldn’t control his thoughts. All rationality had him left since you came back.

He opened the door to reveal Sarah with food from his favourite diner in her hand. With the tight white dress she was wearing that left nothing to imagination he knew exactly what she was after and it wasn’t the food. So he pushed the weird thoughts he was having about you to the back of his mind and took Sarah up on her offer. He didn’t feel like he was using her, he was always upfront about their relationship. He had told her he couldn’t date anybody, and she agreed, saying she only wanted fun. So as long as it didn’t affect work and both knew they could stop this whenever. It felt nice to have an outlet to forget without strings attracted.

Eddie had help Sarah get off a few times but when she tried to return the favour, they were having issues. Eddie was so stressed and thoughts were still consumed with you that he could only get a semi at most. This had never happened before, Sarah felt embarrassed and Eddie felt mortified. Especially since you had already ruined the hope of him ever being in a relationship, now he couldn’t even have sex because of the thought of you. He got out a pre-rolled joint from his bedside table and began to smoke it. He hardly smoked weed anymore. At most once a month but he knew it would help him relax so hopefully he could sort his problem and try again with Sarah.

Halfway through the joint, the house phone started ringing again. He assumed it must be Dustin to finish the conversation they were having before Sarah came. He hoped talking to his friend would help him forget again, so he raced out of the room to the phone. He was about to pick up when he realised he still had the blunt in his mouth. He stubbed it out remembering his promise to Dustin to try and quit. He didn’t want to disappoint him. He then picked up the phone, “sorry I had to hang up before, but I’m free now if you wanna talk again”.

“Sorry to disappoint but I’m definitely not who you were expecting”. Eddie stopped himself from sighing, he hadn’t spoken to Steve in a few weeks. He and Steve being friends, Eddie would have never expected it, in fact, he thought when you left, him and Steve would hate each other forever. However, that’s the thing about this group they had shared trauma and would never leave a man behind. Steve followed this most out of everyone he checked in with the group at least once a week, and with Eddie being around the same age they talked a lot. They in fact grew to be good friends, even if Steve was always a little hesitant to let Eddie fully in. Not hearing from Steve for weeks was weird, but right now it felt weirder to be hearing from him.

“So I heard you and y/n spoke”. Eddie pulls the cord as far as it could stretch so he could sit down at the kitchen table. It felt like a conversation he would have to sit for, otherwise, he would pace back and forth. “Hello to you too, how was work? Great thanks for asking. Been up to much? Not really- ” Steve fake laughs. “Yeah I get it sorry, it’s just y/n is important to me”. Well, that felt like a slap to in face, he knew that. Everyone knew that. He didn’t appreciate being treated like he was dumb by someone he would have called a close friend only a few weeks ago. He hadn’t done anything wrong so why was he getting ambushed? “You two have a history, and I don’t know if it’s a good idea for you two to be friends”. Eddie's leg uncomfortable shaked under the table, “I can't win with you either I'm too mean or I'm too friendly. What do you want me to do?”

Steve tried to stutter out a response, not sure of what he was asking of Eddie. “I get that… it’s just… it’s just…she’s been through a lot”. Eddie's leg shakes more “I know which is why I’m trying to be nicer” he wished he still had the joint right now. “You didn’t care before, why do you care now? Is this some stupid plan to get revenge?”. Whenever it came to you, Steve would get over-protective, and say the most ridiculous things. Eddie had done nothing wrong this time and yet he was still getting told off. He slammed his fists on the table and stood up unable to control his legs. “Jesus if I’m such a bad guy why have you let me around your daughter? If I’m so bad why are we friends?” The insecure side of Eddie wanted a response, wanted to be told he was being dramatic that of course they were friends. Steve wanted to say that but was too stunned to speak. “Fuck I was just a placeholder. You know I wondered when she came back if I would get replaced but I should have known. Me and you were never gonna be friends. I was just a stand in. I didn’t even make you choose but you always chose her. I think you forget she didn’t just leave me, she left you too. I wonder how long until she gets sick of us again and leaves”. Eddie knew he had hit a nerve when he was met with silence. He didn’t need to say anything else but he couldn’t help himself, why not put an extra nail in the coffin of Steve and his relationship? “You act like you are her protector but you didn’t protect her from that breakdown did you?” A low blow from Eddie he knew that, but he said words that he knew would hurt Steve most.

A bang followed by mumblings of Nancy could be heard through the receiver. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Steve had punched a hole through a wall. “Maybe you’re right maybe we could never be friends because I would never be friends with someone responsible for my best friend trying to kil” the phone hung up. Kil- what did that mean? Surely not kill? Kill what? Kill who? Yourself? No. You wouldn’t? He guessed a breakdown could lead to that. But not you. Never you. Steve was just trying to get to him. The men knew each other well, he was just using his weakness like Eddie had used Steve’s. The words meant nothing surely. Rage started filling his body, along with fear and anxiety. He needed to get it out. To curse out the world. Steve. You. Himself. He flipped the table in front of him but it wasn’t enough. So he destroyed everything in his sight but none of it was enough. None of it helped. None of it answered his questions.

A/n: I hope you enjoyed this. Yikes Steve and Eddie’s relationship has really gone sour :( I liked that I didn’t just have to write y/n and Eddie arguing/hating each-other for once.

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[ramenremm]

YOU - CREEPYPASTA

My name has always been the most boring name in the world to me, my name is Rick Glasm. I live alone in a small apartment in the borough of Brookly, New York, although I should more call it a caged apartment, because an apartment can't exactly be called that by how small it is and I still have to work two jobs to make a living here at all. During the week I work at a popular coffee shop "Thiloa", and on the weekend I'm a security guard at one of the local gyms. Not everything is perfect, but I've never felt the need to complain about my life. I don't have too many friends, in fact I have only work acquaintances, but it doesn't bother me that much. They often change to new ones anyway. I don't have difficulty making new friends, so it's almost like I'm making new friends all the time. Admittedly, I'm alone in New York City itself due to the fact that my parents are in Atlanta, but I'm already closer to my 30s than my teenage years, and phones are enough to keep in touch.

My day always looks the same, waking up at five o'clock, showering, morning routine, making my own coffee for breakfast, looking for my lost badge for work, wearing the only clothes that are still wearable, leaving at 5:30, walking to the coffee shop to open it. The whole way takes eight minutes, the shift starts at 6, and it's practically full of people right away, so I don't even have time for my own thoughts. I finish around 3pm, although sometimes I stay longer if there is really a lot of chaos, because it would end badly for the person on shift. I have a weekly paycheck, if it's a Monday, I go get the money and then get the groceries for the rest of the week and come home. Most of the money goes to rent and bills, so I can't afford too many activities. I usually go to bed after 7 p.m. As for the weekend it's all the same except that I get up later and spend the whole day at home, and only around 9 p.m. do I leave the house, the gym is 6 minutes away from my apartment. When I go in for a shift it's usually someone else working out at it, because it's open 24 hours. I hole up in my little office waiting for it to break 6 a.m. and so on and so forth every week.

Most of the time I thought the routine was wearing me down, and maybe it was, but only up to a certain point. I still remember the exact day when everything started to go wrong and my mind changed.

The day I noticed him for the first time.

Sunday, May 21, 2017. I had my shift at the gym and came in early as usual. Even as I was climbing the stairs, I could hear that there were still a few people in the room. Behind the counter of the small reception desk stood a young woman packing her things so she could leave. We always eluded each other through our shifts.

- Good night Effy.- I threw to her tapping my fingers on the counter to announce her presence. Her head immediately lifted from the bag in which she was looking for something and a small smile appeared on her lips.

- Good night Rick, have fun- she replied amused by her own words, because every night here was torture by boredom.

- Be careful when you go out- I threw as I walked toward my small cubicle in which there wasn't even much room to move around. There was a desk, monitors on which camera images were displayed, and two cabinets standing against the wall with all sorts of things. Originally they were supposed to be for documents, but there wasn't even anything to write down, except for the number of squats done by the elderly man who came here every day. Willingly or unwillingly (more the second option), I put my backpack on the ground and sat down on a slightly decaying swivel chair and turned to look at the monitors.

Looking at them was so monotonous that I felt like I was watching the same movie day in and day out with no end in sight. Everyone at the gym had a routine and stuck to it, so there wasn't even anything to hang my eyes on. At least that's what I thought, until I noticed a boy sitting at one of the machines. He didn't look like he was going to exercise, but more like he was just sitting. He was wearing a black T-shirt, short gray shorts and longer blond hair that made me wonder if he was interfering with his exercise before I remembered that he was just sitting.

He sat like that for a full fifteen minutes until he got up and walked toward the men's locker room. After he left, I didn't think much of it, it wasn't anything interesting.

That's what I thought.

The whole evening was quiet a few people went in and out during the night, and around five o'clock more people began to gather, at which point I could barely keep my eyes open and my bag fell out of my hands twice before I finally managed to pick it up and throw it over my shoulder.

I didn't have the energy to look at the front desk, but I knew Effy was getting ready for her own shift, now running around and cleaning the halls, so I didn't bother her and quickly left the gym. The sun was already in the sky and was extremely annoyingly blinding me, so I couldn't do anything but squint. I had a few hours left until my shift at the cafe because I started a little later on Mondays by the fact that I was finishing my second job late, and I didn't feel like doing anything other than sleeping.

That's when I didn't notice how he walked past me, I thought he was an ordinary person. He looked at my face and I didn't see it, as if he was a ghost.

Monday, May 22, 2017

The morning was foggy, I don't really remember how I got home or when I fell asleep, all I can recall is setting another alarm clock on my phone. I didn't check to make sure I locked the door from the house, I didn't think I needed to. My body gave up immediately. I didn't think about anything until the alarm clock snapped me out of that state to start this circus all over again. My body was already getting so little sleep that I barely knew where I was. That's why I wasn't surprised that some things were messed up, I was living in a mess and in a hurry, it wasn't new.

Another washing up, dressing up, wondering if I even had the strength to eat anything, going to work. The coffee shop took far too much of that leftover energy from me. There was constant traffic, it was impossible to sit down even for a moment.

- You look even worse than last time- threw to me Tommy, a boy who had not yet given up working here and was often with me on shift. He was young and ambitious, it was sad to see such a person wasted in something like this.

- Good morning- I just replied still not really knowing who I actually was and immediately moved on to making coffee orders. We always had a lot of traffic, but most of the customers were returners, with other new units, of course. Across the street was another cafe with more expensive prices, hence we were the ones getting new customers.

After two days of working here, I stopped paying attention to people. Whether they were wearing glasses, had bad makeup, how they were dressed, it all poured into one and it was just a matter of taking an order, completing it, serving it and taking the money.

With one customer, however, I couldn't pretend not to recognize him. The longer straight blond hair immediately caught my attention. Instead of the countertop and the hand in which he held the money, I looked at his face. It was the first time I looked at him up close. I couldn't distinguish much because all my attention was caught by the scar on the top of his nose. It was huge and looked like his nose had almost been torn off. I knew it was rude to stare like that, but I couldn't help myself. It seemed like I was the only one who noticed it because of the fact that Tommy was busy with something else.

- 8,50- I finally said reaching for his money. He gave it to me without a word and took his cup. He left without stopping or looking back.

The only thing I could think of was that he lived somewhere in the area, there were a lot of people here who found themselves here by accident and already had to stay or really wanted to live in New York and had to start somewhere.

I thought my theory was true after seeing him every day for a whole week. every day he would come in and order a black coffee with sugar. He didn't spend more than five minutes here.

We could have called him our regular customer.

Friday 26 have 2017 I ended my shift unusually late by the larger group of people that passed through our establishment, and me and Tommy stayed late to still clean up. It was going reluctantly for so many hours of work, but in the end all that was left was to take out the trash. I was supposed to do it, the trash cans were at the back of the building, so I took two bags and went outside. It was a small alley with two containers and a terrible smell. While throwing the bags out, it seemed to me that something moved at the end of the alley, but I blamed it on fatigue.

There were a lot of plastic coffee cups pounding under my shoes, I kicked the one closest to me to get out of the way. To my surprise, instead of a clear path, there was coffee on my shoes and the ground. Black coffee. It's hard to describe how much irritation I felt at that moment. So much so that I walked out of there without saying goodbye to Tommy.

Walking briskly towards my apartment I once again thought I saw someone. It was starting to annoy me, so I turned my head in that direction only to see blond hair. I furrowed my brow at the sight.

I didn't want to be fucking paranoid, after all, it could have been anyone.

Not everyone is seen every day everywhere you go yourself.

He was everywhere. I saw him at the coffee shop, at the gym, outside my own apartment as he walked down the stairwell. Every day. Day in and day out.

I was beginning to feel like I was going crazy.

Every time I carried my gaze I was afraid I would meet him.

The day of June 20, 2017 was the one that poured the spell of bitterness. Specially after leaving the cafe, I didn't go home right away but started walking around the city, it didn't help much with my discomfort, but I could breathe for a while. I was on the verge in the last few days, everything seemed to go wrong. The quietest sound in my house made me flinch.

I didn't tell anyone about it, I had no one and didn't want to. I felt it was stupid.

All the way I tried to reason with myself, exhaustion made me start making up all sorts of things. I even started to believe it when under my apartment I found not a trace of the strange stranger. No one was around.

I breathed a sigh of relief and reached for the keys in my pocket to open the door. The recliner clamped over my face prevented me from doing so completely.

Within seconds I felt the plastic digging into my skin harder and harder. I acted instinctively and with a jerk I reached for the part that was on my lips. I broke it off to get air. I knew immediately what was happening, I knew that everything that was happening was not my imagination. I turned my head to the side to look my tormentor in the eyes. What I saw in them made the blood drain from my face. He expressed no emotion, he knew what he was doing and what he wanted.

He let go of the rest of the snatched commercial and his hand rose once hitting me on the head. That darkness was unsettling, I felt like I was in sleep paralysis, I wanted to wake up, but something kept me in that state.

Opening my eyes, I thought it was really a dream. I recognized the ceiling of my apartment, there were small spots of paint. I was in the living room on the floor. My head was heavier than ever Keeping my eyes open was a challenge. I tried to get up only to feel something holding my legs tightly. Only then did a little more awareness come back to me. My hands were also tied behind my back and I was losing feeling in them from lying like this.

I tried to struggle, but the pain went through my whole body with every violent movement.

Turning my head to the side, I noticed that the light in the kitchen was on and the sound of searching for something could be heard.

- What do you want!- I shouted, knowing that I could not escape. The only thing left for me was to try to get along.

- I don't have much money, everything is in the bedroom, maybe you can find some valuable things there, take everything!- I shouted further trying to think of some way to escape anyway.

- WHAT DO YOU WANT- I repeated after noticing that he was ignoring me. He wasn't after the money, surely by the time I would have woken up he would have taken everything, instead he seemed to be doing something in the kitchen quietly without hurrying. I was beginning to feel all the emotions at once. I tried to tear what my hands were bound with, but it seemed impossible to do so.

His footsteps walking towards the living room were quiet, if it weren't for the fact that a shadow was following him I wouldn't have even noticed him.

He looked at me with the same blank stare. In his hands he held a knife and scissors, and he was wearing clothes to protect his clothes from getting dirty. My heart was pounding in my chest.

- let me out. LET ME OUT!-I screamed groggily despite the pain. He did not look moved. He approached me slowly until he was over me and sat on my body pressing me tighter to the floor, making it completely impossible to move my arms.

- LET ME GO! HELP!-I shouted hoping that one of the neighbors could hear me. Now I regret that I was not on friendlier terms with them.

- Soon I will be you- He finally spoke up putting down the knife to reach my head. I tried to move away so he wouldn't touch me, but it was no use. His fingers grabbed a handful of my hair and the scissors that were in his other hand made a vague cut leaving some of the hair in his hand.

- You- He repeated looking at my hair intently before he put it aside on the floor and turned towards me again. I was terrified, tears began to flow from my eyes, he was not moved by this. I wanted to start screaming again which was a mistake. As soon as my mouth opened his fingers were inside grabbing my tongue.

His nails dug in hard to hold it at arm's length.

My eyes widened even more. I felt the sharp metal go through the muscle cutting through it like a piece of paper. Blood immediately started pouring into my mouth and onto my chin. I tried to scream through the pain burning me like hell, but I couldn't make any meaningful sounds. He only let me go when the scissors came together and he held a large piece of my tongue in his fingers. I couldn't look at it. The part of my tongue that was still in my mouth made me swallow some of the blood.

- I just need to talk and look like you.- he said, watching the muscle from all sides before he put it in his mouth like some piece of candy.

I wanted to vomit.

Because of the adrenaline and shock, I was more than aware of everything that was happening, so when he began to approach my eyes I knew what was coming. My muffled screams did not move him.

This time he was quiet but kept his hand on my forehead, and whenever I tried to close my eyes he would grab my eyelashes to keep my eye open.

I saw the tip of the knife get closer and closer until it was sunk into my eye socket.

The knife didn't go through the center. It punched out my eye so that it was a best condition. My image in my left eye was completely cut off and the pain made my back arch and my fingers began to scratch the wooden floor beneath me.

I was on the verge of consciousness tilting my right eyelid, but I could see exactly how he tried to put my eye into his like a lens. His blue eye was covered by my green one.

The feeling of my eye being forcibly opened was the last thing I felt before I lost consciousness again through pain.

On Wednesday, June 21, 2017, the shift at the "Thiloa" cafe started normally. Tommy set up all the chairs and started to clean up. There was no sign of his co-worker, however, he recognized that Rick had finally overslept through his schedule.

He had just washed one of the machines when the bell rang throughout the premises announcing that the first customer had arrived.

The teenager immediately assumed a more cheerful expression and raised his eyes ready to take the order. What he saw made the cleaning fluid and cloth fall out of his hands and his face turned pale.

- Sorry I'm late- Said the man standing in front of the counter in Rick's clothes with a whisper. The sign bore his name. Rick Glasm. There were staple brown strands in his blond hair, and on his face.... His face was replaced by Rick's face. A cut out piece sewn to his own.

Looking at his hands one could see more stitch marks. On the squares, which were a lighter shade than his skin.

- Can we begin?- he asked and a piece of his tongue accidentally fell out of his mouth. Rick's tongue.

[tryslora]

What I'm Reading Wednesday...

On the Duck Prints Press reading server, it’s What I’m Reading Wednesday where we all share what we finished in the last week, what we are currently reading, and what we think of these books.

I figured hey, why not bring that to the rest of the world for myself. Because I love yelling about my current reads. And I’ve always got several things in motion at one time, between physical, audio, and ebooks, plus things I’m reading for specific reasons.

Here’s the summary from the last week in visual format (the actual discussion is behind the read-more):

Fiction

I am currently reading Many Drops Make a Stream by Adrian Harley (from Duck Prints Press). There are so many things to love in this book. The world building packs so much into such a small space. The culture clash between human and shapeshifter is wonderful (and Harley’s shapeshifters truly have a culture all their own). I thought it was going to be a quick read because it’s short, but the language and depth of information have me going slower and savoring every word. That said, I’ve also reached the point where I want to take it in faster, so I find myself spending a little extra time every time I pick it up, just to get a few more pages!

Manga & Graphic Novels

I have one manga and one graphic novel in progress.

I’ve been reading The Complete Elfquest, volume 1 by Wendy & Richard Pini for a little over two weeks now. We have several of these volumes, and my intention is to read one chapter/issue a night, so I am able to savor them slowly, but also get through them. Reading this first volume is like coming home into a fandom from childhood. The first chunk of it was also collected in the original Warp Graphics compilations, and I can’t remember how often I read those back in high school. I’m reaching the parts now where I probably only read the individual issues once or twice, so it’s familiar, but not to the point where I’m like oh yes, I remember gazing at that panel for hours. I still love these elves, and this story, and I cannot wait to get home each day and be allowed to read a chapter. I’m looking forward to when I reach new-to-me material.

I watched the 24 episode anime The Apothecary Diaries and I wasn’t ready to let it go when it was over, so I started reading the manga by Natsu Hyuuga and Nekokurage. I finished volumes 5 & 6 this past week and am currently reading volume 7. I have the remaining already published volumes waiting for when I’m done with this. I adore Maomao and Jinshi, and am incredibly excited to get to the point where canon moves past what is in the anime. That said, getting to revisit events I already watched on TV and linger over what was said and the exact expressions has been soooo good. (And yes, I know the light novels also exist and will be rolling into those in ebook form after the manga; I might be a tad bit obsessed).

Audiobook

A while ago I thought “I should read some TJ Klune” so I checked the library list I had for audiobooks, and the first of his Extraordinaries trilogy was available in audio. I listened to it. I was addicted. I’m now on the third book—Heat Wave—and I find it very very hard to put it down. I can’t listen while working, only while commuting, walking, or doing chores—things that don’t require me to actually think so I can multi-task. But hey, it’s a GREAT way to get me to do my PT since it means fifteen minutes more of audiobook listening! Nick, the POV character, has ADHD and I flail a lot over pretty much everything he thinks and does. I love every character in this series. I love how Klune is using superheroes as an allegory for the queer experience and for racial issues, but at the same time, is actually addressing those issues explicitly. I both want to listen faster to find out what happens, and linger so it doesn’t end.

Ebook

I have been reading Wayfinder by CE Murphy, which is the second in a duology. This is a romance, yes, but it’s another fun culture clash book, this time between humanity and faerie, and I am so here for that. Murphy is an author I used to read a lot from, and I’m trying to work my way through her back catalog slowly because I’ve always enjoyed her style. Accessible and fun. This series is about a woman who has always been able to hear lies (a Truthseeker), and how her talent develops, and how she works with the faerie kingdoms to try to help them (despite some of them not wanting help, and the original situation not being the one she’s actually needed for).

Non-fiction

I have been working my way through three non-fiction books.

One is A Year of Zen by Bonnie Myotai Treace. I had been looking for a journaling prompt book, and decided to give this one a try. I made the difficult decision to write directly in the book itself, then the additional decision to let myself fail if needed. So if I don’t get to answer a prompt on a day, I just answer it the next day. One prompt per day. It’ll take me more than a year to go through it, but that’s okay. The idea is to have me think and write a short paragraph every day, and not feel guilty about messing up. It’s working surprisingly well. Learning to let myself fail has been a big part of my process this year, and hopefully I am learning to let go of some of the anxiety about things needing to be matched and rigid.

The one I am stalled on right now is The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. It was recommended as a book that therapists like to use for themselves, not merely recommend to their patients, and it reminded me of the radical acceptance I’m supposed to be practicing (and apparently am, despite myself, according to my therapist after she listened to me). The problem is, it has exercises (doesn’t everything?) and I stalled out because I didn’t have time.

Time is a theme, y’know? And that’s what happened with the last non-fiction book. I’ve been working through The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, taking it as a self-guided 12 week course. I’m currently on week 5. However, I did a week of just doing morning notes before I really got started, then I took a week off when everything went haywire in my schedule because of the power outage. So it’s been about seven weeks so far. This week, as I worked on exercises, I found myself really digging in to my emotions about this book. And in the end, I decided that while I can see the value in some things, the book itself is giving me more anxiety about everything to do with my writing, while at the same time making it impossible for me to find time TO write (while following the advice it gives). So. I am no longer doing it as a course, with exercises, but I will finish reading it. And if an exercise appeals, I’ll do it. It’ll still take time, because I’ll probably still read one chapter each weekend, but I am already feeling WAY less stressed and I only made this decision last night.

So…

That’s it for me! What are you reading?

[butch-reidentified]

hello hello my lovely Tumblr gals!

I've been waiting to post about this until it was like, a forreal sure thing, but I'm SO excited I gotta share the news 🤩

soooo as most of you already know, my wife & I both have serious chronic health conditions, which come with severe chronic pain as well as all the other wonderful symptoms. We have been struggling to maintain a life of working full time, doing things we enjoy to keep ourselves sane, taking care of our 6 pets, and also getting chores/errands/tasks done like keeping the house clean, grocery shopping and cooking instead of frozen meals and doordash, etc. A couple weeks ago, I posted an ad on a roommate seeking page to "rent" out our spare bedroom. Except instead of money, the majority of the rent would be "paid" by helping us out with those sorts of tasks to help us live as close to a normal life as possible. I created a scaled system where the more assistance = the more the reduction in rent, with a very low cap on the money side of the rent bc we really don't want to take advantage of anyone or profit off renting out a room, so just enough to cover the basic costs. The goal was to find a mutually beneficial arrangement with someone who needed a place to live without paying the current horrifying rental prices of South FL, and was able bodied and capable of helping us out a bit (on their own schedule, around their other work/obligations).

I posted it pretty impulsively when I had the idea, thinking not many people would see it or respond to it, just sort of putting feelers out to see if there was any interest in that kind of arrangement. I specified female only (and of course got multiple messages from men). First thing the next morning, a woman who looks about my age sends me a message. She and her gf have been urgently looking for housing since the plans they had made had fallen through last minute, after they were already packed and everything with their lease ending at the end of February.

She was 100% good vibes right away. We messaged for a couple hours straight, just got talking, and intermittently throughout the day. It turned out there were so many strange coincidences between us, it was uncanny. And talking to her felt like talking to a close friend of many years, not a total stranger. That first day I talked to her, really good things happened to me the rest of the day. Solutions to problems that had been causing me stress for weeks or months fell into my lap. I'm not spiritual or superstitious or anything for the most part, but sometimes the universe is just screaming in your face that something is right.

We kept texting, and planned a video chat "wine date" to discuss the arrangement and get to know each other better. We talked for hours, past 2am, and it felt so natural. Never an awkward moment. We have very similar couple dynamics, we like the same lifestyle and hobbies, we have the exact same sense of humor and communication style, the first woman I had talked to and I go by the same nickname, their dog and one of our dogs are very similar breed mixes and born almost exactly just 1 month apart... I could go on. I mean we even buy the same brand of vapes 😅 They're clean freaks who enjoy cleaning together, and one of them is super into cooking and likes to keep an herb and vegetable garden (we have a huge backyard and have been longing for a garden for ages). I looked up their post in the group, which was posted weeks before mine, and they were a perfect match. We were looking for the exact same things in a roommate.

The decision was made that first video chat night (there have been more since). They were abso-fucking-lutely going to be our new roomies. I wrote up a unique lease, month to month like we both were looking for, and had it looked over by a lawyer, who said we're good to go. My wife and I have been gushing about them to all our friends and our parents. We've been calling it a "couples crush" 😂 I told them that, and they excitedly admitted they've been doing the same thing. My wife and I have also been so much happier and more productive and active since all this started.

These absolute angels have even offered to help us get the house clean from where it's at now instead of us rushing to deep clean before they arrive. They seem genuinely empathetic and like they want to help 😭 And we feel the same way about their housing and financial situation. We own the home, which means there's an inherent power dynamic when renting out a room, so I worked hard to talk to them and create a lease that would equalize as much as possible. My wife and I emphatically expressed that we want them to feel like it's fully their home - we remember from renting in the past how it can sometimes not feel like your home. For me, renting was damaging to my mental health. All the rules and restrictions made me feel unable to create a safe-feeling home environment. We don't want to put any restrictions on them when it comes to pets, drilling into walls, painting the room, re-landscaping the backyard, whatever. We also told them they're always welcome to give us feedback, communicate totally honestly with us about any of their needs, complaints, changes they want to the lease, etc.

Soooo with all that said... they're moving in on Friday! We are all counting the days. We already know we're gonna have a ton of fun together. We even agreed to have "family dinners" sitting together at the table a couple times a week 🙈 We are all just so dorky it's beautiful.

And! I accidentally said "gyns" referring to them in a message 😅 so I had to explain that, and they were SUPER interested and want us to teach them about radical feminism. Like??? We couldn't have created a more perfect roommate situation in a mad scientist's lab. I've been working on trusting my gut recently, as it never seems to lead me astray, and every instinct I have says this is Good.