#only posting this so i never forget about it :')) <3< /div>
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hand of gold — cs55
pairing: carlos sainz x wolff!reader
summary: nobody knew you and carlos sainz jr were dating, much less getting married. now everyone’s buzzing at the prospect of getting to witness the biggest (and most expensive) wedding in formula one history.
authors note: this was requested by an anon MONTHS ago and i am so sorry this took me so long, AND im so sorry because the request has for some reason disappeared from my inbox, i hope this makes it to you anon!
instagram • ynwolff • dec 23 • monaco ⚑
liked by lewishamiliton, kimi.antonelli and 718,025 others!
ynwolff: happy holidays from the wolff family 🐺🎅
view comments below!
username1: you never let me forget how rich you are
username2: how does it feel to live the life
username3: are toto and susie looking for a 3rd
➥ ynwolff: it’s christmas…have some decorum.
➥ username3: i didn’t think you would see that…i apologize.
➥ username3: but…are they?
username4: i would kill my entire family to experience a wolff family christmas
username5: i can’t believe she’s still soft launching, you can trust us girl
➥ username6: it’s been THREE whole years…we will never see this man’s full face
➥ username7: i bet he’s ugly.
➥ username8: hes either 1. hideous to look at 2. not rich 3. a driver, or 4. a controversial man
➥ username9: what if it’s lewis?
➥ username10: do you see an ounce of melanin on that man’s skin?
➥ username11: this whole thread is why we will never know who she’s dating 😒
kimi.antonelli: thank you for the new kart 💙 i love it!
➥ ynwolff: only the best for a mercedes driver <3
➥ georgerussell63: i don’t recall getting a new anything for these last 2 years? 🤨
➥ ynwolff: remember that you are a grown man with a grown man paycheck!
instagram • pomegranatesgossip • unknown ⚑
liked by 72,626 users!
pomegranategossip: #neverforgiveneverforget the day this picture came out and everyone thought carlos was for sure going to mercedes! just for him to go WILLIAMS, will forever reminisce on what we could’ve had
view comments below!
username12: they knew what they were doing..and they were so evil for it
➥ username13: will forever wonder what they were talking about
➥ username14: and why on earth was old papa sainz there?
username15: i have a theory..but im scared people will think im schizophrenic
➥ username16: as a diagnosed schizophrenic, let’s indulge into this theory together
➥ username15: i’m convinced carlos is dating toto’s daughter
➥ username16: oh baby….
➥ username15: NO IM NOT CRAZY
username17: nightmare blunt rotation
instagram • carlossain55 • jan 13 • joali being ⚑
liked by susie_wolff, ynwolff, and 628,926 others!
carlossainz55: big things coming soon
view comments below!
username18: i’m cumming soon 😩
➥ username19: ON A POST WHERE HES SHOWING OFF HIS GF???
username20: another one that won’t man up and hard launch 😒
➥ username21: what a coincidence that both yn and carlos have been soft launching for the same amount of time 😭
➥ username22: now that you mention it..
➥ username23: huh
username24: why is susie wolff in the likes?
➥ username25: the TWO wolffs are in the likes
➥ username26: yn has been in the likes since forever, susie on the other hand…
username27: i’m look at the hand in the second picture, and as much as i hate to ask, is that a engagement ring?
➥ username28: please please PLEASE DONT START
➥ username29: i can’t handle that right now
➥ username30: climate change, the cheetos in office, the worlds falling apart, and CARLOS IS ENGAGED TO SOMEONE WHOS NOT ME??? I WILL KILL MYSELF
➥ username31: this was truly the last thing i needed this year
➥ username32: if carlos got a engaged, why would he be wearing an engagement ring? isnt it normal the woman?
➥ username33: unless carlos was proposed TO
username34: please don’t do this to me carlos
twitter
instagram • ynwolff • jan 15
liked by carlossainz55, lewishamilton, and 619,026 others!
yourusername: fixed on your hand of gold
view comments below!
username35: we really went from 0 to 100 real quick 😨
username36: im frozen. you just altered the timeline
username37: THE TWITTER CRAZIES WERE RIGHT?
➥ username38: more importantly THE SCHIZOPHRENIC GIRL WAS RIGHT?
susie_wolff: tell him to watch his hands
➥ carlossainz55: yes ma’am i will watch my hands forever and always
➥ lando: kiss ass 🤣
➥ carlossainz55: you wish you could kiss my ass
➥ ynwolff: oh 😆
➥ carlossainz55: i didn’t mean it baby, i only want you to kiss my ass
➥ susie_woff: …
➥ username39: i like this new change
username40: i actually cannot handle this news right now
username41: THATS WHY PAPA SAINZ AND BABY SAINZ WERE TALKING TOO SUSIE AND TOTO
username42: i can just imagine carlos asking toto permission to propose to yn 😭
username43: wait so who proposed to who?
➥username44: i can’t imagine yn wolff getting on her knees for any man
➥ username45: it wouldn’t make sense for carlos to have a an engagement ring unless yn proposed to him
➥ username46: keep in mind, yn has an engagement ring too
➥ username47: maybe rich people do stuff differently
susie_wolff: i would like to make it clear that my daughter did not get on her knees for any man. she was proposed too, and THEN did she get an engagement ring for her soon to be husband —toto wolff
➥ username48: toto said put some respect on his daughters name
➥ username49: this makes me feel much better
➥ username50: this wedding better be HUGE
➥ username51: if i can’t have a big wedding, then i least i can live through someone who will
carlossainz55: i love you 💙
➥ alex_albon: simp
➥ username51: so did everyone in the paddock know about this relationship?
➥ lando: yes
➥ username52: just dig the knife deeper
➥ username53: i didn’t even feel this level of betrayal when my boyfriend cheated on me
twitter
instagram • carlossain55 • feb 14 • monaco ⚑
liked by ynwolff, charles_leclerc, and 916,016 others!
carlossainz55: wolff-sainz wedding, september ‘25
view comments below!
username54: so what i’m understanding is that your taking the wolff last name 🤨
username55: holy shit look at those flowers
username56: ON HIS BIRTH MONTH EVERYONE!
username57: my expectations for men just went way up
username58: im assuming it'll be a very flower themed wedding??
lando: so according to my invitation, i shouldn't bring fireworks? will you be providing them or was it a typo?
➥ carlossainz55: this will be a firework free wedding lando.
➥ lando: WHAT
➥ charles_leclerc: NO FIREWORKS?
➥ maxverstappen1: well i already bought the fireworks so
➥ carlossainz55: do not set off fireworks at my wedding max.
➥ maxverstappen1: what the fuck am i going to do with all these fireworks
username60: im so excited for OUR wedding
username61: the bride right in the middle as she deserves
username62: the way yn has posted these exact photos on her story before..
➥ username63: private but never secret
➥ username64: i still can't believe they got away with this for THREE years
ynwolff: so ready for you to take my last name
➥ carlossainz55: so ready for you to take MY last name
➥ susie_wolff: technically you're taking my last name—toto wolff
➥ username65: you two should fight to the death, and whoever wins takes the others name
instagram • pomegranatesgossip • unknown ⚑
liked by ynwolff and 92,193 others!
pomegranatesgossip: two snippets of carlos talking about the wedding in a recent interview:
"I think the thing that bothers me the most is when people say 'is yn a bride...what do they call it? bride...zila?' I do not understand what is wrong with a woman wanting everything to be perfect on her big day. I don't think people understand how stressful it is to plan a wedding. It seems like all we do is plan, plan, plan. And I do love it because I want the day to be perfect for her, but if I'm not racing, I'm planning the wedding. So I understand why some women, especially when they don't have their fiancé to help them, can get a bit....angsty."
"When we had that talk about our future, one thing my YN made very clear was that she wanted a huge wedding. She wanted different dresses, different cakes, different venues, everything. So, I think it was our fourth date when I started taking note of everything she liked—I actually still have the list—so when we did plan the wedding, it would be easier, you know? what flowers she loved versus which ones she just liked. It did make it easier. Instead of going crazy over two good choices, we can easily pick one."
view comments below!
username66: oh my gosh he's so in love???
username67: that was supposed to be my man
username68: i am begging you guys to go see the actual video because the heart eyes he gets when talking about yn is so 🥰
ynwolff: i knew there was no way he just memorized my top 50 favorite flowers... 🤨
➥ carlossainz55: i’m sorry baby i have bad memory
➥ username69: THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY MAN
username70: his yn everyone
username71: HE KNEW HE WAS GOING TO MARRY HER BY THE FOURTH DATE! THE FOURTH
instagram • carlossainzwolff55 • sep 1
liked by ynwolffsainz, alex_albon, and 1,726,917 others!
carlossainzwolff55: Mrs. Yn Wolff-Sainz 🫀
view comments below!
username72: i just woke up wtf happened
username73: oh so by september you meant the FIRST of the month
username74: THAT DRESS
danielricciardo: beautiful wedding, beautiful bride 🍾
➥ carlossainzwolff55: 🤨
➥ lando: you don’t have to be so jealous anymore, you’re married now!
➥ carlossainzwolff55: 🤨
username75: he wasted NO TIME changing that username 😭
username76: for those who are in a different time zone and missed the insta story’s, here’s a summary: yn had 3 different dresses, they had 4 different venues? (what it looked liked) and a shit load of flowers, ALSO toto cried
➥ susie_wolff: is it so shocking that i cried at my beautiful daughters first wedding? — toto wolf
➥ username76: you need to get an instagram account old man
➥ carlosainzwolff55: first and ONLY wedding ** 🙂
username77: they took each others last name 🥹
username78: its so scute how he’s the one that’s always the first to post
lando: would’ve been better with fireworks
➥ charles_leclerc: agreed
➥ maxverstappen1: totes
➥ carlossainzwolff55: god forbid i don’t want tacky fireworks at my wedding
➥ maxverstappen1: TACKY??? I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW MY FIREWORK GUY ONLY GETS ME TOP OF THE LINE EXPLOSIVES
➥ username79: top of the line and fireworks should not be associated
username80: we’ve come so far in such little time
username81: it’s carlos’s birthday…
➥ username82: OH MY GOD THEY GOT MARRIED ON HIS BIRTHDAY
ynwolffsainz: i love you 🫀
➥ carlossainzwolff: i love you MORE 🥰
➥ alex_albon: sick to my stomach (beautiful wedding btw!)
username83: the picture in the middle?? jaw dropped.
➥ username84: it’s my new wallpaper 😭
username85: i see my future and its bright
username86: thank you for all the wedding inspo!
username87: so can we refer to toto as old man wolff now? because it’ll get real confusing real quick if we don’t change something
#carlos sainz x y/n#carlos sainz x you#carlos sainz x reader#carlos sainz#carlos sainz x female reader#carlos sainz smau#carlos sainz fanfic#carlos sainz fluff#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 x y/n#f1 fic#f1 x female reader#f1 x you#f1 social media au#f1
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don’t they know it's the end of the world (cause you don’t love me anymore) — geto suguru.
You blinked, the knot in your chest tightening as you took in his face, his solemn expression that didn’t match the usual carefree look he wore. Was he already saying goodbye in some way? You shook your head slowly, the smile coming to your lips, though it carried a mixture of sadness and certainty. "Sugu, how could you even think about that?… I could never forget about you." “It can happen, you know. Life happens.” He smiles in a small timid manner. Your voice was soft, but there was no doubt in it. "No, you’re wrong. You’re the most important person in my life. How could I forget someone like you?"
GENRE: alternate universe - canon divergence;
WARNING/S: gen, afab! reader, angst, fluff, friendship, friends to lovers, eventual romance, slice of life, conflicted feelings, hurt/comfort, sad ending, physical touch, pet names (sugu, buttercup) mentioned character death, depression, mourning, loneliness, pain, grief, internal conflict, post-hidden inventory at the end, letting go, break up, meeting each other again, depiction of childhood, depiction of romance, depiction of internal conflict, depiction of complicated relationship, depiction of loneliness, mention of grief, depiction of depression, mention of internal conflict, non! sorcerer reader, sorcerer! suguru;
WORD COUNT: 10k words
NOTE: im soon back at university, so im rush writing everything and so im exhausted all the time too. so if im not updating, its because im probably regretting my life decisions. though, in any case, i will still publish as much as i can. im about two/three finished with valentines fics, but im tortured by sukuna because i have a standard with him and i can't escape it. anyway, i wrote this for suguru's birthday. he would have been thirty-five today!!! i hope you enjoy this fic!!! i love you all!!! see you on the sixth!!! <3
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if you want to, tip! <3
══════════════════
IF YOU COULD DESCRIBE WONDER, IT WOULD BE BEING BY SUGURU’S SIDE. No one else could understand it, you like to think. What the two of you had, it was certainly a language made for two. It was a life that was built for the purpose of being known by you both. And you like to think that he feels the same way too.
You and Suguru had been together since you were kids, bound by an unspoken connection that neither of you ever questioned. Because, there was nothing to question about it. Nor could words even describe it all. It was too unique, too intriguing. And yet, it only belonged to the two of you.
It all started on a warm afternoon at the school playground, where laughter and shrieks filled the air as children ran around in endless games of tag. It was a long while ago, and yet it felt like yesterday to you. You could feel your eyes twitching as you watched from where you stood, permeating with desire and anxiety.
You had been standing alone for a while, just a bit near the jungle gym, watching all the kids giggle and run about, with the zeal of youth dashing along with them.
As you watched them there with eager eyes, you kept wishing you could join in too, you wished you could run amok with joy too. But that heavy weight of fear blossoms your hesitation. It held you back from a lot of things, including making friends.
Yet, why wouldn’t you feel like this? You were new in town, and you didn’t know these kids. You didn't know any life lived in this place before you had come. Everything was new for you, as much as you were sure it would also be new to them.
How would they even react to you, knowing you aren’t a familiar face they were already comfortable seeing? How would you interact with them, anyway? It’s not like you could just jump in and smile and just jump in easily? This is a sea and if you plunge so deep, you could drown. And you didn’t want that to happen. Not here, not when you were starting a new life.
But then, that’s when he found you.
"Why are you just standing here?" a voice asked.
You turned to see a boy with dark hair, a little messy from running around, and warm, curious eyes. He wasn’t out of breath, despite the wild chase of tag that had just ended. His hands were shoved into the pockets of his tiny shorts, and he looked at you like he was trying to figure you out.
"I….I don’t know how to approach them." you muttered, kicking at a loose pebble. "I’m not sure how to come and tell them I want to play too, so I….."
Suguru blinked, then without hesitation, he grinned and reached out a hand to you. "I see…..Then let’s play together! I don’t care if you’re slow. I’ll just run at your speed, if that would make it easier on you."
Your eyes swiftly widened, surprised by the easy kindness in his voice. "Really?"
"Yeah!" he said enthusiastically. "I’ll even let you tag me first."
That was the beginning of everything, that was certain.
During recess, the world belonged to just the two of you. You ran hand in hand across the playground, unbothered by who was faster or slower. You hummed little tunes under your breath, and he giggled at the way you always skipped a step ahead before doubling back to him. You hopped, he ran, and sometimes, in the joy of it all, you tripped over each other’s feet and tumbled into the dirt.
And if one of you scraped a knee? The other sat down beside them without hesitation. If you fell, Suguru would plop down next to you, crossing his arms stubbornly. “I’m not playing if you’re not playing. That’s just how it is!
And you would do the same for him, because what was the fun in anything if he wasn’t right there beside you?
Nothing was ever quite complete without each other.
It wasn’t a good day unless you were together.
Even as you grew older, nothing changed.
The playground turned into quiet walks home, but your hands still found each other without thinking.
"You still hold my hand like we’re kids, Sugu," you teased one afternoon, fingers laced together as you walked home. The sun hung low in the sky, spilling warm golden light over the quiet street. Your shadows stretched long behind you, linked together like a promise.
Suguru glanced down at your hands, his grip tightening just slightly. "Yeah? You don’t like it?"
You smiled, squeezing back. "I never said that, you know!"
His grin was soft but sure, a mirror of the way he had always been with you. "Good. Because you’re still my favorite person."
And really, wasn’t that all that mattered?
══════════════════
IF YOUR BIRTHDAY COULD BE A HOLIDAY, SUGURU WOULD MAKE SURE OF IT. Your birthday has always been special, you know that much. But now more than ever, especially because, for as long as you could remember, Geto Suguru had been by your side for most of it. Now, it was even more special than before.
The years blurred together in a collage of memories: the laughter, the excitement, the simple moments that felt so big when they were shared with him. There were so many pictures, pictures of the two of you, year after year.
You were always together. His presence in every single one, a steady anchor through the passing time. One that was the only constant throughout the world that keeps on changing.
Whether it was the early mornings, when you both rushed around the house, throwing together last-minute gifts for each other in the midst of the chaos of birthday preparations, or the quiet evenings spent chatting under the stars, those moments were always colored by Suguru’s unique way of making everything feel more important.
He never treated your birthday like just another day. To him, it was an event, something that deserved to be celebrated with the utmost care. After all, it was the day you were born—the day you were with him. And to Suguru, that meant the world.
He didn’t just show up for your birthday.
No, he took it as seriously as he would a test.
He planned it meticulously, down to the smallest detail, as though the day had to be perfect.
"I thought you might like this, buttercup!" he’d say with a grin, always just a little too proud of whatever thoughtful gift he managed to get you, even if you’d both picked it out together the day before. "I’m pretty sure you’ll love it."
And every time, no matter how simple the gift, the thought behind it always felt like the most meaningful gesture.
On your birthday mornings, you’d wake up to the smell of something delicious. The pancakes, bacon, whatever it was that he knew you’d love, always cooked with that special touch that made it taste even better. He would rush in, hands full of wrapped presents, bright eyes sparkling like a child eager to see your reaction.
"You ready?" he’d ask, bouncing on his heels.
You couldn’t help but smile at the sight— Geto Suguru, the one who always had his life together, who always so composed, turned into a ball of excitement for just one day.
Even in the evenings, as the day began to fade and the sky turned dark, you would find yourselves sitting together outside, wrapped in blankets under the stars. He’d listen to you talk about the year that had passed, what had changed, what had stayed the same while you both sat in comfortable silence, the kind only the two of you shared.
"Make a wish, okay?" he’d say when it was time to blow out the candles, the way he’d always said it every year. But there was something about the way he said it then, with that little smile on his face, as if he already knew your wish without needing to hear it.
Suguru didn’t need grand gestures. For him, it was always about the little things, the way he made sure your favorite song was playing when you entered the room, the way he’d insist on carrying your cake even though it was ridiculously heavy, the way he refused to let anyone else help you with the birthday prep, because it was his job to make sure everything was just right for you.
And he didn’t think it was just about the day itself. To Suguru, your birthday wasn’t just a celebration of your life; it was a reminder that you existed, that you were here, and that the world—his world—was just a little bit brighter because you were in it.
Every year, as he gave you your gift, no matter how big or small, you could always see that gleam in his eyes. The beautiful gleam that said. "This is important. This is you, this is us, and I’m going to make sure you feel special, because you are."
For Suguru, your birthday wasn’t just another day in the calendar. It was the day you were born—his day to remind you just how much you meant to him, and to celebrate the fact that, all these years later, you were still by his side.
And when you looked back at all the memories, all those years of birthdays spent with him, you couldn’t help but smile. They weren’t just your birthdays, they were his to celebrate too.
He celebrated them just as fiercely, just as passionately, as if it were his own day to remember. Because, to Suguru, every birthday spent together was a blessing. And he never took that for granted.
But this year, it felt different.
Not because of the cake or the candles. Not because of the way your friends sang off-key, their voices melding into a perfect disaster. No, this year was different because, when the party had quieted down and the night was winding to a close, Suguru handed you a small, neatly wrapped box.
He was sitting beside you on the couch, his beautiful lilac eyes watching you closely as you held the box in your hands, the soft rustle of paper the only sound between you. You could only look at the beautiful box in front of you for the longest time. He clears his throat.
“Are you really not saying anything?”
You looked at him suspiciously, fingers hesitating over the ribbon. "You didn’t have to get me anything, Sugu."
"I wanted to, buttercup." he said simply, nudging the box closer. "Go on, open it."
So you did.
Inside was a delicate silver bracelet, the light catching on the fine chain, making it shimmer. But what caught your attention was the tiny charm hanging from it—a miniature book, small enough to rest in the center of your palm, its metal etched with tiny details that made it look like it had real pages inside.
You blinked up at him, surprise evident in your expression. "Sugu…"
He looked uncharacteristically shy, rubbing the back of his neck. "It’s nothing fancy, but… I thought it’d be nice. Y’know, for us."
"For us?" you repeated, tracing your fingers over the book charm.
Suguru nodded, watching your reaction closely. "Yeah. Because we always read together. Because of all those afternoons spent sharing a book, arguing over who gets to turn the page first—"
"You always turn the page too fast, you know." you interrupted with a pout.
"And you always get distracted by random things in the margins, buttercup." he shot back, smirking. “We’re both not good at it.”
You huffed. "That’s called appreciating the details, Suguru."
"Sure, sure." he laughed, shaking his head. "Anyway, that’s the first one."
You tilted your head. "First?"
He reached over, taking your wrist gently in his hands as he fastened the bracelet around it, his touch careful, warm. "Every birthday from now on, I’m giving you a charm. One for each year. Something that means something to us."
Your breath caught for a moment.
"You’re serious?" you asked, looking up at him.
Suguru met your gaze, his expression unwavering. "Completely." Then, with a lopsided grin, he added. "You’re stuck with me for a long time, you know."
You couldn’t stop the smile that spread across your face. Everything about you just felt warm, especially when you looked at it, knowing he put a lot of thought on this beautiful present. The bracelet felt light on your wrist, but the promise it carried felt heavier. This was solid, real, unshakable. Just like your relationship with him, ironclad for all your lives.
"Good." you said, squeezing his hand before letting go. "Because I wouldn’t want it any other way."
And back then, with Geto Suguru beside you, his promise wrapped around your wrist and his warmth wrapped around your heart, you believed it.
You really, really did.
══════════════════
ALL BIRTHDAYS ARE HAPPY, WELL THEY SHOULD BE. But this morning, this birthday of yours, it was not something that just truly felt odd. You had tried to put it off, knowing that it wasn’t the right place or time to talk about it. You could feel it, you know you do. Something was wrong with your best friend.
Geto Suguru had been unusually quiet all day, even when he was trying to be casual and jolly, smiling at you. But you knew there was something going on and you couldn't put your finger on why. The excitement of the day had dulled a little, as the two of you moved through the motions of cake and presents, but something in the air felt different.
It wasn’t until later that afternoon when everything changed.
You had walked him to the train station, like you always did, ever since he moved to another part of the city. Though this time, there was an unspoken weight that drowned between you, a heaviness that neither of you could shake. Geto Suguru, usually so confident and carefree, seemed distant, his usual smile a little more strained.
"I got in." he said, as the train pulled up to the station, his voice barely above a whisper, yet somehow carrying the weight of his words.
You paused, unsure of what he meant at first. "Got in?"
He nodded, his eyes avoiding yours for a moment before meeting your gaze. "To Jujutsu High School. I’m going to Tokyo."
Your heart skipped, the reality of the situation sinking in like ice water.
He was going to leave you, you were going to be separated.
Your Suguru was heading to Tokyo to train, on the other side of your world.
For the first time in years, you wouldn’t be by each other’s side every day. The thought was almost impossible to process. Not when you had been together for so long, just being bubbles in each other’s circle. Your lips parted, you wanted to say something. But you didn’t know what. You were too stunned to speak.
"Wait, you’re leaving? When?" you whispered, your voice suddenly became small.
“Tomorrow.” He whispered, his tone almost blossoming with shame. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I don’t….I didn’t want to ruin the time and I didn't think it was going to come any time soon, but it just….”
"But… but today’s my birthday, Sugu."
Suguru gave you a sad smile, his hand reaching out to ruffle your hair. "I know. I’m sorry. But it’s not goodbye forever, okay? We’ll keep in touch, I promise."
You nodded, but the lump in your throat made it hard to speak. Suguru was your rock, your constant. The thought of him being so far away, in a completely different city, felt like the world was shifting beneath your feet.
He took a step closer to you, lowering his voice. "I didn’t want to leave without giving you something special." He pulled out a small box from his pocket, holding it out to you.
You took it from his warm hands, your eyes brimming with questions. When you opened it, a soft gasp escaped your lips. Inside was a new charm for your bracelet—a delicate purple colored buttercup, its petals etched with such fine detail that it looked almost real. It was beautiful. And soulful. Almost glistening as brightly as his eyes.
He smiled gently, a warmth in his eyes as he slipped the charm onto your bracelet. "It’s a buttercup," he said softly. "My nickname for you. So I thought…I thought it would be perfect."
You stared at the charm for a moment, the lump in your throat thickening. "You still call me that…"
Suguru’s smile grew tender. "Always will. And whenever you look at it, I want you to think of me, okay? Think of me often."
You blinked away the tears threatening to spill and smiled back at him. "I will, Sugu. I promise."
He pulled you into a tight hug, holding you close for just a moment longer than usual. "Take care of yourself, alright? And don’t forget—I’m just a train ride away. Osaka is not that far. So when you need me, call me. Okay?"
“Okay.” You squeezed him back, trying to imprint the moment into your memory, trying to hold onto the feeling of him next to you. "I won’t forget. I’ll think of you every day."
Suguru pulled away slowly, his fingers brushing the side of your face. "I know you will."
The train’s loud engine roared to brutish life, and the sound of the wheels on the tracks made your chest tighten even further. You watched Suguru stand by the window.
His beautiful face illuminated by the soft afternoon light as the train slowly started to pull away. Your feet felt rooted to the ground, your mind racing with so many things you wanted to say, things you didn’t know how to say.
But before you could stop yourself, something inside you snapped. You took a step forward, then another, and then you were running, your heart pounding heavily in your chest, your breath coming faster as you pushed yourself harder, faster, chasing the train like you could somehow outrun the fear that gripped your heart.
"Suguru!" you called out, your voice shaking, but loud enough for him to hear.
He turned around in surprise, his eyes wide as he saw you running toward him. The train was moving faster now, but he didn’t hesitate. You could see how his face lit up with a mix of disbelief and hope, his hand pressed against the window.
"Sugu!" you shouted again, your heart racing even harder, your legs moving as if they had a will of their own. The distance between you seemed so large, but you weren’t going to stop.
He leaned closer to the window, his hand now reaching out, as if trying to touch you through the glass. You could see the concern on his face, his bright lilac eyes filled with an emotion you couldn’t quite name, but it made you move faster, faster than you thought you could.
When you finally reached the side of the train, you stopped just short of losing your breath. You pressed your hands to your chest, feeling your heart pounding, and you looked up at him, eyes shining.
"I love you, Suguru!" you blurted, the words spilling out before you could stop them.
For a moment, there was nothing but silence. Geto Suguru froze, his eyes wide in astonishment, as though he hadn’t expected you to say it—that particular thing, not now, not like this. You watched him, your heart hanging in the air between you, waiting for his reaction, wondering if you had made a mistake.
But then, his expression softened, and a smile broke through the surprise. It wasn’t just a smile you see. It was his smile, that beautiful smile that only belonged to you. The one that made everything feel like it would be okay, no matter what. He nodded slowly, a little chuckle escaping his lips as he leaned closer to the window, as if pulling you in even from a distance.
"I love you too, buttercup!" he said, his voice full of warmth, his eyes soft but certain.
And just like that, everything that had felt so heavy was lifted, the weight of the unspoken tension, the distance between you, all of it faded into the background of that moment. You smiled back at him, breathless but relieved, and the world around you seemed to slow down.
The train started to pick up speed again, and Suguru gave you one last look, his smile still lingering as he waved.
"Take care of yourself, okay?" he called out, his voice carrying over the noise of the train.
"I will!" you said, a smile tugging at your lips. "I’ll always think of you."
And with that, the train pulled away, leaving you standing there, heart full, the buttercup charm on your bracelet gleaming softly in the fading light.
That train carried your heart with him.
But you were sure that you held his heart here too.
You looked at your buttercup charm, smiling.
“Come back to me soon, okay?”
══════════════════
THERE WAS SOMETHING ABOUT HOW MUCH HE HAD CHANGED. And all he could do was wish that you didn’t see it, that you would never find out the truth. All he could pray for was that you didn’t notice the light in his eyes dying or the bitterness of the taste from the curses he was forced to consume still on his tongue.
Geto Suguru has always been a powerful force of nature, a rock withstanding everything in his way. In a way, he was also your rock, your steady presence in your life. No matter what was happening around him, he was there, unwavering, holding everything together with that quiet strength of his.
But recently, something in him had started to shift. Something he wasn’t prepared to admit to just yet. Ever since Amanai Riko’s death, the change had been subtle at first, there were those small signs that he was struggling, pulling away just a little more each day. But now, as the days passed, it became harder to ignore.
Geto Suguru was slipping.
And he didn’t know how to stop it.
He didn’t know how to be more than this.
He didn’t know the way out of it.
He found himself lost in a fog of thoughts he couldn’t quite articulate, his emotions tangled in a web he couldn't find a way out of. The burden of loss weighed heavily on him, crushing him in ways he didn’t know how to handle. But he couldn’t—wouldn’t—let you see it. Not today. Not on your birthday. Not on your last day together.
He had made it a point, from the moment you walked into the room, to be the Suguru you knew. He plastered on that familiar smile, spoke to you like everything was fine, and made sure the day went on like any other.
But the moment you looked away, or when you laughed, or when he caught you looking at him with that softness in your eyes, a heaviness settled deep in his chest. He wanted to say something, to tell you what was really happening, but the words felt like they were caught in his throat, unable to escape.
You had no idea what he was battling inside.
And he couldn’t bear to burden you with it—not on your special day.
It was the evening, the sun sinking low in the sky, and you both sat together on the balcony of his apartment, watching the colors in the sky shift from gold to deep blue. The breeze was warm, and you had your head resting on his shoulder, the same way you had for years. You both sat there in a comfortable silence, but Suguru’s mind was anywhere but there.
"I’m really glad we could spend the day together, Sugu." you said softly, your voice like a melody that brought him back to the present. “Thank you for coming to visit me, even with your busy schedule.”
Suguru nodded, his smile barely there as he kept his gaze on the horizon, afraid if he looked at you too long, you would see the cracks he was trying to hide. "Me too, buttercup." he said, but even to his own ears, the words didn’t sound right. They didn’t carry the weight they should have.
You could feel the subtle shift in his energy, the way he wasn’t fully present. He wasn’t the Geto Suguru you knew, the Sugu who would always make you laugh, who would hold you close and whisper silly things to keep your spirits high. He was distant, almost like a shadow of himself. And you knew he hated it, even without saying it to you.
"Sugu." you said quietly, sitting up to look at him, your hand gently touching his arm. "You okay?"
Suguru flinched, the question catching him off guard. He gave a small, forced laugh, trying to brush it off. "Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired, I guess. I’ve….been very busy."
But you didn’t buy it. You knew him better than anyone else, and you could see the lie in his eyes. But he wasn’t ready to talk, not now, not on the day that was meant to be yours, not on the day that he wanted to protect you from his own chaos. He didn’t want you to see him like this, not when everything was supposed to be perfect.
He wanted to be strong for you, wanted to be the Geto Suguru you deserved, the Geto Suguru that you love, the Geto Suguru you knew. But the weight of the world felt like it was crushing him from the inside, and he didn’t know how to hold it together anymore.
You reached up to touch his cheek, the gesture so simple but full of the warmth you had always shared. "Sugu… you don’t have to hide from me. Not now. Not ever."
He froze at your touch, his lilac eyes shutting softly, even for just a brief second. He wanted to let it all go, wanted to break down in front of you, but he couldn’t. Not like this. Not today. He swallowed hard, the words choking him before he could even say them.
"I’m fine." he repeated, but there was no conviction in his voice. “Really, buttercup. Don’t worry so much about me, okay?”
You didn’t push him further, but the sadness in his once bright eyes told you everything you needed to know. He was breaking inside, but he didn’t want you to see it. He didn’t want you to know. He didn’t want to talk about it just yet. He wasn’t ready. Not yet. And especially not on your last day together.
"Okay." you whispered softly, leaning back against his shoulder once more, both of you falling into silence again.
But Geto Suguru knew. He knew that you would always see through him. And as you sat there, so close, yet so far from what was really happening, he couldn’t help but feel like he was losing grip on everything. He thought he was losing himself, you, on the life you had dreamed of sharing.
And so, the night passed in a quiet sadness, Suguru’s heart heavy with emotions he couldn’t quite express. Tomorrow, he will leave. Tomorrow, everything will change. He knew that all too well. By sunrise, you wouldn’t recognize him anymore. By sunrise, he wouldn’t be your Sugu anymore.
But for tonight, he would hold onto this—hold onto you, and pretend that everything was okay, just for a little while longer. He thinks he could pretend one last time and keep you with him, enjoying the need of warmth that only you could understand.
The evening air was still, the world outside quieting as the stars began to prick the darkening sky. You sat together for a little while, as you waited for the train to come. Geto Suguru’s silence was heavy, but there was a soft, almost palpable tenderness in the way he was beside you. It was always that way, when he was beside you. Even when you were kids.
But the silence was a new thing. This silence was so loud, and yet so deafening. Yet you also didn’t bridge the gap. At least not tonight. He didn’t need it right now and you can tell. You just took a deep breath and waited, staring off the train tracks.
Your Suguru seemed lost in his own thoughts, his calloused fingers absentmindedly tracing patterns on the railing in front of you, his lilac gaze ever so lost in the faraway space. To the place you could not follow.
But you knew it was just his way of trying to hold everything in. Then, after a moment that felt like eternity, he broke the quiet, his voice soft but steady, like he was trying to make it sound casual when it wasn’t.
"I got you something, buttercup." he said, his hand reaching into his pocket. You looked up at him, noticing the faintest tremor in his fingers, but you didn't comment on it.
He pulled out a small, carefully wrapped box, offering it to you with a look that was a mix of hesitation and something deeper, something he couldn’t quite put into words. "I know it’s not much, but I wanted to give you something… meaningful. Like always."
You took the box from him, your little heart fluttering a little in anticipation, not knowing what to expect. Slowly, you unwrapped it with much care, your tender fingers gently peeling back the layers until you saw what was inside.
It was a charm, delicate and beautiful, with a tiny forget-me-not flower carved into its surface. The petals were soft, yet detailed, their edges just slightly raised as if to give them life, to make them feel real. The forget-me-not. It was simple but meaningful, and somehow, it felt like it held everything unsaid between you two in one small, fragile flower.
Suguru’s voice broke the moment, barely above a whisper, but heavy with emotion. "I want you to always remember me, buttercup." he said, his gaze meeting yours, his eyes dark with something you couldn’t place. "No matter what happens, no matter where life takes us, never forget about me."
You froze for a heartbeat, confusion washing over you at his words. Never forget about him?
The thought didn’t make sense. Geto Suguru was more than just a memory; he was the person who had shaped so much of your life, the one who had been there for you through everything. He was your everything. How could you forget him?
You blinked, the knot in your chest tightening as you took in his face, his solemn expression that didn’t match the usual carefree look he wore. Was he already saying goodbye in some way?
You shook your head slowly, the smile coming to your lips, though it carried a mixture of sadness and certainty. "Sugu, how could you even think about that?… I could never forget about you."
“It can happen, you know. Life happens.” He smiles in a small timid manner.
Your voice was soft, but there was no doubt in it. "No, you’re wrong. You’re the most important person in my life. How could I forget someone like you?"
Suguru’s lilac eyes softened at your words, the weight of the moment easing just a little as you spoke. His chapped lips parted slightly, as if he wanted to say something more, but he only let out a quiet, relieved breath, his shoulders relaxing for the first time that evening.
He reached out, gently placing the forget-me-not charm on your bracelet, his fingers lingering there for a moment longer than necessary. "I just… I need to know you’ll always remember. Even when we’re apart.”
"I will, I promise." you said, your voice firm, the sincerity in your words reaching the deepest parts of him. "I’ll always think of you. Every single day, every single hour. Even the seconds. I’ll always remember you, Suguru. You’re too important to forget."
“Is that so?”
You hummed, smiling at him. “Hm. Because I love you.”
For a brief, tender moment, Suguru’s eyes seemed to shine with something that wasn’t just sadness but relief. It was as if the weight of the unspoken fears, the guilt, and the pain he’d been carrying had finally started to lift, just a little. He smiled, a real, heartfelt smile that reached his eyes.
"Good," he said quietly, his voice thick with emotion. "That’s all I need to hear."
And there, under the stars, with the sound of the world fading into a quiet lull, you both sat together. You didn’t need words to fill the silence that had settled between you. The charm on your bracelet was a promise, a symbol of everything you had been through, everything you had shared, and everything that was still to come.
"I love you too, buttercup." Suguru whispered, his voice barely above a breath, but the words carried so much weight, so much meaning that it felt like the whole world had shifted in that instant.
You didn’t hesitate, not for a second. "I know, Sugu. I know." you replied, a soft smile tugging at the corners of your lips, a smile that only he could make appear.
It was a statement, but one that wasn’t born out of arrogance. It was the truth. The truth that had been there all along, between the quiet moments, the shared laughter, the years of growing together. He was your constant, just as you were his.
And you had always known, known in the very marrow of your bones.
he loved you too. More than anything in life. More than the universe could know.
Suguru didn’t immediately respond. He simply stared at you, his gaze softening with an intensity that almost made it hard to breathe. He shifted closer, his hands rising slowly, as if afraid that if he moved too fast, you would vanish in an instant. His fingers brushed against the curve of your jaw before they settled on your cheeks, warm and grounding.
His touch was gentle, the weight of his hands steady against your skin, as though he was afraid to touch you too hard, afraid that any sudden movement would make you slip through his fingers.
His gaze never wavered from your face, and for a long moment, it was like the world faded away. There was nothing but the two of you, him, close enough for you to feel the warmth of his presence, and you, feeling like the universe had shrunk to this moment.
Suguru’s eyes searched for yours, his expression both tender and filled with something deeper, something that only someone who had loved you for so long could understand. It was as though he was memorizing every detail of you.
The way the light caught in your eyes, the curve of your lips, the soft flutter of your lashes when you blinked. He took in your features like he was afraid they would slip away, like time was running out and he couldn’t afford to miss a single second of it.
His thumb traced the outline of your cheekbone, the movement so soft it almost tickled, but it was full of reverence. As if you were something sacred to him, something irreplaceable. As if you were the most important pearl of the world, shining in front of him, making him your sea.
"You’re so beautiful, buttercup." he whispered, and the words held so much more than just a compliment. It was the way he said them, as if he had seen every side of you—your strengths, your flaws, your heart—and still, in every corner of it, you were beautiful to him.
The simplicity of the words took your breath away, and for a moment, you didn’t know how to respond. You just looked at him, feeling the weight of his love like a gentle embrace, like it wrapped around your heart, holding it safe in his hands.
You didn’t need to speak to feel the truth of it all. This moment, this space between you, felt like the entire universe had conspired to bring you to this point, where everything you had shared and everything you had yet to share hung in the balance of this silent exchange.
Suguru leaned in slightly, his breath warm against your skin. You could feel the way his body was still, but there was a pulse of something deep inside him, something he wasn’t fully ready to let go of, not yet. And in that breathless, delicate space, you let your own heart speak.
"I love you, Sugu." you whispered back, your voice trembling just slightly, but filled with a certainty that made everything else fade into the background.
His hands cupped your face a little tighter, his thumbs stroking the soft skin of your cheeks as if you were the only thing that mattered in the world. "I’ll never forget you, buttercup." he murmured, almost as if he was saying it to himself, but you heard it. “You’re everything I am. Everything I breathe.”
The weight of it hung in the air, and though his words were bittersweet, you felt a flicker of hope in them.
"I’ll never forget you either." you whispered, your voice steady and sure, despite the turmoil swirling within you.
Because you knew that no matter where life took you both, Suguru would always be a part of you. No amount of time or distance could change that. “You’re my everything too.”
You leaned into his touch, your foreheads pressing gently together, the warmth of his hands grounding you both in the moment. His lilac eyes closed for a beat, a soft sigh escaping him as if he, too, was trying to hold on to this feeling, trying to commit it to memory just as you were.
And for that brief moment, there was no goodbye. There was only the now, the shared stillness, the love between you both, wrapped up in the quiet understanding that no matter what happened, you would always carry each other with you.
He moved his face closer, his lips brushing softly against your forehead. The kiss was light, like a promise, a silent vow that this love, this sacred bond between the two of you, it would never truly be broken, no matter the miles between you.
Suguru’s lips linger on your forehead for a moment longer, a soft, lingering warmth that makes everything else feel distant, as if time had slowed down just for the two of you.
The world outside the station, the sound of the train tracks, the noises of the city, the ticking of the clock, everything seemed muted, fading into the background as you both existed in this fragile, perfect bubble of quiet.
He pulled back slightly, just enough to meet your gaze, his eyes soft but laden with an unspoken weight. He looked like he wanted to say something more, something important, but the words never quite formed.
Instead, he just studied your face, as if he was trying to memorize everything about you. Every little memory of you, your bright expression, the way your long hair fell around your face, the way your eyes held a kindness that had always been there, even in the most difficult of times.
“I’ll miss you.” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion, a subtle crack breaking through the calm facade he’d been trying so hard to maintain.
You nodded, your heart aching as his words sank in. The truth was, you would miss him too, more than you could ever put into words. You couldn’t even imagine what life would be like without him so close, without his constant presence to steady you.
The thought of the distance between you both made the space around you feel colder, as though the warmth of his touch was already slipping through your fingers.
“I’ll miss you too, Sugu. More than you know.” you whispered back, the truth of it making your voice tremble just slightly.
He smiled, a sad, bittersweet thing, his thumb tracing the outline of your jaw once more, slow and deliberate, like he was savoring every moment.
"Just remember, buttercup." he murmured, his eyes soft but intense. "No matter where we are, no matter how far apart we get, I’ll always be with you. I’ll always be there, in everything we’ve shared."
"I know." you said, nodding again, a small smile tugging at your lips. “And I’ll always carry a piece of you with me. In my heart.”
Geto Suguru’s breath caught at your words, his eyes glistening as if he wanted to say something more, but the emotion was too much, too overwhelming. Instead, he just leaned in and kissed your forehead once more, gentle but full of all the feelings he couldn’t quite express.
“I’ll be waiting, buttercup.” he whispered, his voice low, but there was a fierce determination behind it. “No matter how long it takes. I’ll be waiting for you.”
You looked up at him, your heart full, eyes brimming with something that could have been tears if you let it. You didn’t speak for a moment, just held his gaze, feeling the weight of his words settle into you like a warm, comforting blanket.
Finally, you smiled through the lump in your throat, the quiet sadness blending with something softer, something hopeful. "I’ll come back to you, Sugu. I promise. So come back to me too, okay?"
The words hung between you, a promise sealed in the silence that followed.
He can’t promise something like that to you, not like this now.
By sunrise, he can no longer come back to you, never again.
And yet, he still does, he lets this promise be unfulfilled.
He lets this moment be a little white lie to keep your smile.
Suguru nodded, a small, hopeful smile on his lips, but his eyes, those dark, familiar eyes, held a quiet ache. He didn’t say anything else, just stayed close, his hand still on your cheek, his presence steady even though the moment was winding down. The night was still, and it felt like time was slipping away too fast.
“I should go, buttercup.” Suguru said, his voice tinged with reluctance. "But I’ll see you again, right? You’ll visit me when you can, won’t you?"
You nodded, already knowing how much this meant to him. You smiled tenderly at him, you smiled at him like you loved him. You smiled at him like he deserves to have it. And yet he doesn’t. The devil does not deserve such a thing.
"Of course I will." you reassured him, reaching up to touch his hand, the one that had stayed on your cheek. "I won’t let you forget about me."
His smile grew just a little, and for the first time in what felt like forever, there was a glimmer of peace in his eyes. "I could never forget about you."
And with that, he gave you one last kiss on the forehead, light and full of everything unsaid, full of everything you would carry with you in your heart. He pulled back slowly, his hand slipping from your cheek to your hand.
His fingers lingering for a moment longer, as though reluctant to let go. Then, with a final, lingering look, he turned and made his way toward the door. He didn't want to leave. He didn't want this to be the last time. But he had to. He had to go.
He let himself step into it, the door closing softly behind him. For a moment, you felt the weight of the world shift. The quiet that followed his departure felt louder than any noise, and yet, somehow, you knew you’d be okay. You’d carry him with you, just like you promised.
The night grew darker, but the small forget-me-not charm on your bracelet caught the light, reminding you of everything you had shared. It was more than just a memory, it was a piece of him that you could hold on to, no matter where life took you both.
Geto Suguru was always going to be a part of you. And no matter the distance, no matter how much time passed, you would never forget him. He was the most important part of your life, and that would never change.
Two days later, you got the call.
He had gone missing, his parents were gone.
And you?
You had lost the love of your life.
That was his goodbye.
══════════════════
epilogue
A LONG TIME HAD COME AND GONE, BUT IT STILL FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY. Seven years had passed since Geto Suguru’s defection from the jujutsu society, since the time he turned away from everything he once held dear. Time had blurred the edges of the past for everyone except him.
He had tried to move on, he knew he had to. He had all but tried to bury his memories deep enough so that they no longer haunted him. But there were days when everything came rushing back to him.
The horror on his parents faces that night, their deaths at his own hands, the ones he had betrayed, the village consumed by blue flame. And then there was you, the love he had lost and left. The one he had let go and fly away.
From the shadows, Suguru watched you kneel before the graves, the sun hanging low in the sky, casting long shadows across the quiet cemetery. You were gentle with the flowers, your movements soft as you arranged the bouquets on the gravestones, your fingers careful as they brushed away the dust that had accumulated over time.
He had never imagined, in his darkest moments, that he would see you here—so close, yet so far away from everything he had become. But there you were, tending to the graves of the parents he had killed, as if it was something he had never been able to do. You were doing it for him, in a way, even though you didn’t have to.
He had heard the stories about it all. He had to keep his tabs on you, he just couldn’t stay away, even now. Throughout the years, he heard whispers of how you had married, how you had continued on without him, a life of your own.
He had known that it was bound to happen, but it didn’t make it any easier. To see you with a ring on your finger, a life that no longer had a place for him, a life that had moved on while he stayed stuck in his past.
The soft rustle of the wind moved through the trees, and that was when you turned your head, your eyes meeting his. For a moment, the world seemed to stand still. You blinked, as if you weren’t quite sure you were seeing him, but then there was no mistaking it.
Geto Suguru was standing there, just outside the cemetery gate, watching you with that same quiet intensity that had always been his. The world seemed to hold its breath as you slowly rose to your feet, the weight of his gaze pulling you in.
He didn’t speak at first, not knowing what to say.
After all this time, what was there left to say?
He had left you and you had suffered.
What could someone who broke their promise say?
You walked toward him, your expression unreadable but steady, your steps purposeful. As you got closer, he noticed the glint of sunlight on your finger, and his breath hitched before he could stop himself. The wedding ring.
It was a beautiful thing, one could say. But when he looked at it, it was all but a bitter ugly, disgusting thing. It was a reminder of the life you had. A life he had never been a part of, a life he had given up on when he made the choices he did.
You stopped in front of him, your gaze unwavering. You looked at him for a long moment, your eyes searching his face, almost as if you were still trying to figure him out after all this time. "I didn’t think you’d come back here." you said quietly, your voice thick with something he couldn’t place. Maybe it was sorrow. Maybe it was a relief.
Suguru felt a pang in his chest, but he swallowed it down. "I didn’t think I would either." His voice was rough, almost foreign to him after so many years of silence, but the words still carried weight. "But... here I am."
Your gaze flickered to the bracelet on your wrist—the one with the forget-me-not, the buttercup, the book charm. It was a silent progression that told a story. A long forgotten story, one that only you and him could remember. It was at one point his story. His presence, his absence, his love. And now it wasn’t. Not anymore.
That Geto Suguru is dead.
All that remains is an imposter.
All that remains is a devil.
"I never took it off." you said, a small, sad smile playing at the corner of your lips. "You told me to never forget you. I thought I would, after all these years... but I never could."
Your fingers traced the charms lightly, the memory of the years that had passed between you both lingering in the air like a ghost. "I couldn’t take it off, Suguru. Not even when it felt like I should."
He couldn’t quite hide the sadness that flickered in his eyes at your words, but he didn’t look away. He had been the one to leave. He had been the one to make all the wrong decisions, and yet, somehow, you had never given up on him. You had never completely forgotten him.
Suguru reached into his pocket slowly, his movements deliberate, as though he were unsure of his next step. He pulled out a small charm, delicate and beautiful, white chrysanthemums this time, it was an offering of something new, something that said goodbye and hello being said like it was the same word. He held it out to you, his eyes never leaving yours.
"For you." he whispered, his voice barely audible, but full of all the unspoken feelings that had built up over the years. "I know it’s too late. But I want you to have it."
You took it from him, your fingers brushing against his for just a heartbeat before you looked down at the charm in your palm. The white chrysanthemums were soft, intricate, and they reminded you of the fleeting nature of everything. It was full of the memories, the love, the pain.
You smiled, a bittersweet curve of your lips, your heart heavy with a mixture of emotions that you had long buried. "Sugu….Suguru." you began, your voice steady but thick with something he could almost taste. "For so long, TYou wanted to be remembered. But now... you want to be forgotten."
His heart clenched at your words, but he nodded slowly, as if he had already known, as if it was something he could never change. "You deserve better than to remember a ghost of someone long gone, buttercup." he said, his voice soft but full of the kind of finality that only a ghost could understand. "You deserve a life that’s yours, not one haunted by me."
The distance between you seemed so vast in that moment, even though you were standing right in front of him. The years had stretched that gap wide, and yet, in this final moment, you both understood each other completely.
You stood there, the weight of his words heavy between you both, as the space around you seemed to quiet. The cool breeze rustled the trees, the only sound in the air, but even it felt like a distant whisper against the rawness of the moment.
You opened your mouth, a million things on the tip of your tongue, but none of them felt right. Your heart was full of so much you couldn’t put into words. A thousand emotions flooded your chest/
And yet, you felt an aching kind of clarity in his request. You hadn’t expected it. You hadn’t expected him to say those words, to say that he wanted you to forget him. To leave him behind as if he were nothing more than a faded memory.
He stood before you, his back slightly turned, but he didn’t move away. His eyes, those dark, familiar eyes, were locked onto the distance, as though he was already gone in his mind, already on his way to somewhere far from this place, from you.
You swallowed hard, your gaze flickering over his face, trying to catch any hint of a smile, of the warmth that had once been there between you both. But it was gone. Everything had long perished to nothing.
The man in front of you wasn’t the same person you had known all those years ago, and deep down, you knew that neither were you. You had both changed, time had done its work, and the world had swept you in different directions.
"So, if I see you again—" you started, unsure of where to take the conversation, unsure of whether there even was a conversation left to have.
Suguru’s smile was sad, almost imperceptible, but it was there, and it tugged at your heart more than anything else. “Pass by, buttercup.” he said, his voice so soft, so worn. "Don’t look at me. You shouldn’t remember me. Just...."
Let me go. He thinks to himself. Don't love me again.
The simplicity of his request hit you harder than any words of anger or resentment could have. You shouldn’t remember me. He was asking you, begging you, to forget him. As though he was a shadow, a passing thing, unworthy of your attention, of your love, of your memories.
For a moment, you just stood there, your heart pounding in your chest, your mind spinning with the weight of it all. You wanted to shout, to argue, to tell him that he was wrong—that you couldn’t just erase him from your life like he was nothing.
But the silence in the air, the finality in his tone, made you hesitate. It wasn’t anger you heard in his voice. It wasn’t even regret. It was something else entirely. it was something deeper, something rooted in the pain he had carried all these years.
“I can’t just forget you.” you whispered, the words slipping out before you could stop them. The truth was raw and simple, and it echoed in your chest as it passed through your lips. "I’ve carried you with me for so long, Suguru. I can’t just erase you from my life."
Suguru turned his head slightly, just enough to meet your gaze, his eyes dark and filled with something you couldn’t quite place. It wasn’t guilt or anger, but something quieter, something softer, as though he was bracing himself for the weight of what he had just asked you to do.
"You don’t need to carry me anymore." he said, his voice barely audible, each word dragging with the weight of a thousand regrets. "I don’t deserve to be remembered. Not by you. Not by anyone. I’ve become someone else, someone I never meant to be."
His eyes drifted to the ground, and for a moment, he looked almost... defeated. "I hurt too many people, and in the end, I hurt you too."
Those words hung in the air like a star waiting to fall from the sky but they didn’t sting, nor did they cause you any pain. Instead, they felt like the closing of a door, the end of a chapter that had been written in too much pain. You felt your heart ache, but you understood. You had mourned it long ago and this was just the end. The final bow.
You understood because, deep down, you had always known this moment would come. You had always known that one day, Geto Suguru would fade from your life, not because of time or distance, but because he had made himself into something unrecognizable.
You stepped closer, closer than you had been in so many years, the distance between you two now defined not by physical space but by something more profound, something that time had created. Your hand reached out but you stopped. You had to. You knew you can't do this. You purse your lips into a flat line.
“I see.” You whispered, barely audible over the deafening silence between you. It was as if the world had swallowed your words before they could reach him, and the weight of it all pressed down on your chest like a heavy fog.
"I'm sorry." you murmured, feeling the familiar sting of regret in your heart.
But the words felt useless now, just as they always had when it came to him. Too many apologies, too many unanswered questions. It was all too late. Geto Suguru shook his head ever so slightly, his dark lilac eyes never leaving the distance beyond you, his voice low but firm.
“Don’t apologize to me.” he murmured, the edges of his words soft but carrying a weight that made your heart ache. "I should apologize…"
His eyes finally met yours, and for that brief moment, you saw a flicker of vulnerability, something raw and unguarded that he had never allowed anyone to see.
“Buttercup, I’m letting your hand go.” he said, and his voice cracked on the last word, like it pained him to even say it.
You could feel the tears pricking at your eyes, threatening to spill, but you fought them back, the lump in your throat making it harder to breathe. It was too much. Too much to lose, too much to let go of.
“I know.” you replied, your voice barely a whisper as if saying it out loud would make it all more real. The finality of his words clung to the air, and you wished you could take them back, take him back, but the truth had already been laid bare.
“Goodbye, buttercup.” he said, the words both tender and final, and they fell like a stone into the abyss between you.
“Good… good-bye, Suguru.” you managed to choke out, your voice shaking but steady enough to carry the weight of the moment. Your lips trembled, but you didn’t dare look away from him. There was nothing more to say, nothing more that could fix the pieces that had been shattered between you two.
Geto Suguru gave you one last look. It was so brief, so fleeting, like the last ray of light before the darkness settled in. His gaze lingered on you, a final connection between two souls that had once shared everything but now, they were a thousand miles apart.
He didn’t say anything else.
He didn’t look back, not once.
He simply turned, his figure growing smaller and smaller as he walked away.
Your heart tightened, but you didn’t move. You couldn’t. There was no running after him anymore. He had already made his choice, and you had to respect that, even though it felt like a piece of you was being torn away with every step he took.
His footsteps were quiet against the earth, a soft rhythm that carried him further into the distance, further away from you, from everything you had ever known. And you stood there, frozen, unable to move, unable to make sense of the emptiness that filled the space where his presence used to be.
You watched him disappear into the horizon, the last connection between you both unraveling like a thread slipping through your fingers. But this time, you didn’t chase after him. You didn’t need to. You didn’t have the strength anymore.
There were no more promises, no more hopes of reunion. This was the end of the story that had once been yours, the final chapter in a love that had burned so brightly but had faded into the past. The world had changed, and so had you.
You would never see him again. He would never hold your hand again, never smile that gentle smile that had always made you feel like you were home. And you could feel the weight of that truth pressing down on you, but it didn’t break you.
It was the end of that world. Of the two of you, of the way you had been, of everything that once felt like it was meant to be. And so, you let go. You let go, even as it hurt, even as it felt like the most impossible thing in the world.
You couldn’t love him anymore. Not like you used to. Not in the way that kept him a part of your every thought, every moment. You couldn’t carry that burden with you forever, and you couldn’t make him stay.
As he disappeared completely from sight, you finally exhaled the breath you’d been holding, a quiet sigh that seemed to carry away the remnants of him still lingering in your chest. It wasn’t easy. It would never be easy. But it was the only way forward.
You took a slow step back, your feet heavy with the weight of all the years you had spent loving him. You weren’t sure what the future held, but you knew one thing for certain. You had to let him, or you'll both suffer more.
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jjk x you#jjk x y/n#jujutsu kaisen x y/n#geto suguru x reader#geto suguru x you#geto suguru x y/n#suguru geto x reader#suguru geto x you#suguru geto x y/n#geto x reader#geto x you#geto x y/n#suguru x reader#suguru x you#suguru x y/n#jjk geto#geto suguru#jjk suguru#jujutsu geto#suguru geto#jujutsu kaisen geto#suguru fluff#geto#getou suguru#getou suguru x reader
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this is the 5th and unfortunately last page of this mini comic. This was intended to be a quick project but ended up stretching to almost if not a year of work due to my commitments to irl stuff. I loved working on this and I'm once again thankful to @blood-injections for letting me make these few pages based off their post here.
you can find the previous pages here: 1, 2&3, 4
more explanation and background beneath the cut
I underestimated the amount of work that would go into making these, especially with all the pages being fully rendered. Initially there were supposed to be 6 pages but I ended up having to stretch it to 7 pages. But now I've decided to end it here on the 5th page due to a number of reasons. The first being that I just unfortunately do not have the time for this kind of commitment anymore with me in college now. I also have just moved on from mcr content and have been more interested in other bands and other media. Another reason is that I do not have a lot of time in general to even do digital drawings anymore and finally I feel like my art style right now that I'm currently happy with is a departure from the style that i started this comic with, and it just doesn't fit it very well.
I felt pretty bad having to take so long on working on these pages and only coming out with one, maybe two pages after 3 months, since i've only been able to work on these during my semester breaks.
Thank you to people who've been following and reading along, and again, thank you so so much to @/blood-injections for giving me permission to make their post into this short comic, even if I never ended up finishing it.
This part will just be some final thoughts. I learned a lot while making the pages; panel shapes and placement and how to make it appealing, how to space out and arrange speech bubbles to make the dialog more digestible and easy to read, how to sort of draw out the sound effects which I'm still trying to get the hang of in terms of fonts. The hardest thing I found about making all of these is consistency, not just in terms of schedule but in terms the process of making the comic itself, particularly the designs of the characters. I hadn't created a character reference sheet at all for this since I anticipated it to be short and quick (it was not lol), and so there were quite a few times where I found myself accidentally forgetting to draw some details of the character's designs but since I had already posted them, all I could do was just add the designs I missed in the next pages. I hope that didn't bug you all too much :'3
That's pretty much all I have to say, thank you for the people that stuck around this long but I apologize for not being able to continue the comic due to personal commitments and having moved on to other interests. I hope you all have a good one :]
#my chemical romance#danger days#the true lives of the fabulous killjoys#party poison#jet star#fun ghoul#kobra kid
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Can you believe that I have spent this entire year completely obsessed over one fictional character? Minthara Baenre, what a woman you are!
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#minthara#minthara baenre#evil murder kitten#felt it best that minthara should have the honor of being the focus of my last post of the year#this woman has lived in my head rent free for over 365 days#she has left me unable to think about literally anything else#not to mention minthara and bg3 has inspired me to write fanfic - something i have never really done before#well - at least not to the capacity that i'm currently doing#i have had many oc's - but none as fleshed out and well developed as daedra#and i only created daedra *for* minthara#minthara has left a permanent impact on me and i will never forget her#i'm so grateful for larian for creating such a wonderful character and for emma gregory for bringing her to life#and to think this all happened because i messed up my first playthrough and backed myself into raiding the grove
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Linktober Day 8. Tunic
#linktober#linktober 2024#the legend of zelda#wind waker#ocarina of time#loz#loz ww#loz oot#link#josh art tag#had a lot of fun with this one despite how annoying it was to draw#oot link was at a difficult angle and i also just could not shade this for the life of me. restarted the shading like 3 times#i think im reaching that point in the cycle i typically go thru with my artstylr where ive grown tired of my shading style#to the point that i forget how to do it and it never quite looks right#so if my next post features changes to my artstyle thats why lol#but i enjoyed making this despite that cuz i like the ideas behind it!#i normally wouldve redesigned ww!link's outfit but i purposefully drew it accurately#to highlight how its more like a costume. cuz thats kinda what it was! and its modeled after the hero of times clothes#but is pretty innacurate. which i think is cool.. shows how much time has passed and how the view of the hero of time has warped#so i also purposefully made oot link wearing my redesigned outfit for him (even if you cant see much of it at this angle)#to further emphasize how ww!link's outfit is not only essentially a costume but is also quite innacurate#i like having ww!link ditch the costume for something else to show how he stops being some kid in oot!link's shadow#and grows into a true hero of his own#hence my ww!link redesign where i put him back in the lobster shirt. but i do keep some green and something similar to the hat#to have him fit in with the other links while still being unique#look i have a lot of feelings about ww!link and oot!link#i wish zelda would do more stuff like this... i think having oot relate to wind waker makes the story more interesting#and makes ww!link more interesting! cuz he cant be the hero of time they want. but he does become the real hero they need#the oot ww tp trio is so good... and they all work great as standalone games but their connections do really add something
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hi! i'll keep this short
i came to the realization everytime i've disappeared from tumblr to "take a break" i never really have because of other things going on in my life (which, duh, this isn't my whole life) but! i also realized that if i never actually take the time to recover and rest and think about things i should be writing i'll never feel better. so! i'm (once again)(but now more formally) going on hiatus until maybe may! i might pop in for spring break or earlier if i feel like it, but until then, not really any writing from me! with that being said, i'll still be around, doting on my moots (i.e. like, dorothea <3 wyr <3 and bug <3) because i love them so much and i will probably also post chapters of present ever so often! the reason being (i'm going to try to make this make sense but it may only make sense to me but i'm aware of how contradicting i am to me five seconds ago when i said i need to take a break from writing) present is a very personal fic for me that i've worked on for years at this point. what i'm posting now are chapters i wrote months ago after I've read over and edited them (or in the case of the upcoming chapter, i did randomly add it in and had to write it from the ground up last week lmao) but if it isn't obvious, present is a work i'm very passionate about and am just posting in case anyone else enjoys it but it feels like it's a work that is very individualized just for me and it doesn't cause me any stress or anxiety. on the topic of individualization, although i am of course so so thankful for all of the support and people that follow me, i do sort of miss when my blog and world were a lot smaller. it's something i feel like i only get when i get to reply to people in comments, but other than that, all the numbers and people on my feed give me a lot of anxiety. the hq (smau fandom especially) fandom or at least how much i'm (was) involved in it has grown exponentially and of course i'm happy about that but it's a bit too much for me. i'll be taking a huge step back from the fandom and any hq works i've written at least in the meantime, but that's not to say they'll never be finished! but i either need to grow to handle the bigger audience that now reads my works or wait for things to grow a little smaller again :) i hope to still be able to read my moots works but forgive me if it takes me a bit or i never get to them! i think at the least i'll still like them to show my support <3 thank you if you read my long ramble! i love you all <3
oh also i'll probably post self ship moodboards and the beginning of my reading list (thank you again dorothea for the idea <3)! but again, I think you get the idea by now; I want to go back to doing this for me! so this is a tiny little goodbye now i'm leaving for you all with forehead kisses and flowers and love notes and mwah <3 i'll see you around!
#that was not kept short#tldr; i'm taking a long break from writing (probably around may or so) and will not be super involved in the hq fandom anymore#i'm planning to try to go back to my roots! where i often really only ever posted when i uploaded fics and then i'd disappear again#idk what i'm doing!#or maybe i just need to wait long enough for people to sort of forget about me 😭 (IN A NOT SEEKING ATTENTION WAY SORRY)#but i just need to like! just do stuff for myself again!#last january or so i believe is when i started posting and i'd just really nervously hit the publish button#and then never look at tumblr again bc i was so scared#and i didn't have to worry about notifs from anyone and it was a very small and personal blog where no one knew me and I didn't know anyone#and while i sort of miss that i'm also not trying to say i'm not greatful for the friends i have made! i am very thankful for them#so that's instead why i'm settling for a middle between what my blog used to be and what I feel like it is now!#even just posting that dazai fic a little bit ago made me realize how much i missed just showing up out of the blue posting something#in a fandom that has literally basically never heard of me#and leaving again 😭#i'm happy to give out my socials if anyone wants them :3#okay bye bye!
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I've been thinking about the tragedy of Elizabeth Woodville living to see the end of her family name.
I don't mean her family with her husband, which lived on through her daughter and grandson. I mean her own.
Her sisters died, one by one, many of them after 1485. When Elizabeth died, only Katherine was left, and she would die before the turn of the century as well.
All her brothers died, too. Lewis died in childhood. John was executed. Anthony was murdered. Lionel died suddenly in the peak of Richard's reign, unable to see his niece become queen. Edward perished at war. Richard died in grieving peace. For all the violence and judgement the family endured, it was "an accident of biology" that ended their line: none of the brothers left heirs, and the Woodville name was extinguished. We know the family was aware of this. We know they mourned it, too:
“Buy a bell to be a tenor at Grafton to the bells now there, for a remembrance of the last of my blood.”
Elizabeth lived through the deposition and death of her young sons, and lived to see the end of her own family name. It must have been such a haunting loss, on both sides.
#(the quote is by Richard Woodville in his deathbed will; he was the last of the Woodville brothers to die)#elizabeth woodville#woodvilles#my post#to be clear I am not arguing that the death of an English gentry family name is some kind of giant tragedy (it absolutely the fuck is not)#I'm trying to put it into perspective with regards to what Elizabeth may have felt because we know her family DID feel this way#writing this kinda reminded me of how I am just not fond at all about the way Elizabeth's experiences in 1483-85 are written about#and the way lots so many of the unprecedentedly horrifying aspects are overlooked or treated so casually:#the seizure and murder of two MINOR sons and the illegal execution of another;#her sheer vulnerability in every way compared to all her queenly predecessors; how she was harassed by 'dire threats' for months;#how she had 5 very young daughters with her to look after at the time (Bridget and Katherine were literally 3 and 4 years old);#how unprecedented Richard's treatment of her was: EW was the first queen of england to be officially declared an adulteress;#and the first and ONLY queen to be officially accused of witchcraft#(Joan of Navarre was accused of her treason; she was never explicitly accused of witchcraft on an official level like EW was)#the first crowned queen of england to have her marriage annulled; and the first queen to have her children officially bastardized#what former queens endured through rumors* were turned into horrifying realities for her.#(I'm not trying to downplay the nightmare of that but this was fundamentally on a different level altogether)#nor did Elizabeth get a trial or appeal to the church. like I cannot emphasize this enough: this was not normal for queens#and not normal for depositions. ultimately what Richard did *was* unprecedented#and of course let's not forget that Elizabeth had literally just been unexpectedly widowed like 20 days before everything happened#I really don't feel like any of this is emphasized as much as it should be?#apart from the horrifying death of her sons - but most modern books never call it murder they just write that they 'disappeared'#and emphasize that ACTUALLY we don't know what happened to them (this includes Arlene Okerlund)#rather than allowing her to have that grief (at the very least)#more time is spent dealing with accusations that she was a heartless bitch or inconsistent intriguer for making a deal with Richard instead#it also feels like a waste because there's a lot that can be analyzed about queenship and R3's usurpation if this is ever explored properly#anyway - it's kinda sad that even after Henry won and her daughter became queen EW didn't really get a break#her family kept dying one by one and the Woodville name was extinguished. and she lived to see it#it's kinda heartbreaking - it was such a dramatic rise and such a slow haunting fall#makes for a great story tho
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man someone left a comment on one of my buckbucky fics today that said 'i can feel how much you love them through your writing' and i literally cried lol. why is that like. the sweetest/most fulfilling/validating thing you can say to a fic writer (who is way too deeply invested in his fandom of choice lmfao)? i've never gotten a comment worded like that before and it was so unexpected, i didn't realize how meaningful the sentiment would be to me wahhskdgjg <333
#yeah i'm Normal about them#they're not on my mind 24/7 or anything#i don't dedicate every free moment to creating content for them in some shape or form#also i need to get back to ao3 comments i get so overwhelmed by how nice they are#and then i take weeks to reply bc i never know how to fully express my gratitude they literally make me emotional lol#ik it's 'just' fic but whatever it means the world to me!!#only posting this so i never forget about it :')) <3#johnslittlespoon yaps
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why do you hate Joshua Graham or Honest Hearts so much?
This DLC and character represents a bigger issue with fandom spaces I have but particularly fallout fandom in general.
Fallout tends to tackle a lot of topics controversial and not. The first two games it’s heavy cause they are the most satirical and direct with how anti-war, nationalism and etc… they are. 3 loses this as it’s very clear once you play or learn about all the games that Todd and a bunch of guys at Bethesda just liked the 50s post apocalyptic aesthetic and refuse to actually critique the ideals of the time period like the earlier titles.
New Vegas is the game that really gets back into it a degree it almost seems like it’s taking too much on. There are things done exceedingly well while other things are done horribly wrong . I’ve made posts about it before and plan to make a big series of posts (it’s a lot of writing) but my biggest gripe is with Honest Hearts and all the gross and white savior esque depictions it has of indigenous peoples. The entirety if FNV does not do the injustices faced by indigenous people correctly on any count. My two biggest complaints are with the Khans and the tribes in Zion but I’ll talk about the former on a different post.
Both characters of Daniel and Joshua are the most accurate depiction of white saviors I’ve seen and I hate how the DLC tries to justify and defend them. The DLC treats Joshua like this man who has repented for his past actions when he is just retracing his steps after his cruelty bit him in the ass. He was one of the worst parts of the Legion and it is all but explicitly stated that if you don’t force him to be non-violent he will turn the tribes of Zion into the legion 2.0. The Dead Horses and the Sorrows are horribly infantilized by both Daniel and Joshua who both use them for self serving purposes guised by religious duty. The White Legs are the horrible stereotype of violent and savage indigenous and I personally think a lot of their interlinking with Ulysses, his hair and Ulysses character in general are distasteful and very telling of how BIPOC or POC where involved.
But outside of the game it’s the weird obsession people have with these characters ideologies and trying to make them seem more interesting/philosophical than they are. Tumblr is an echo chamber and many fans of Fallout are not the people on this site. Many people are not educated in the issues these characters convey and how poorly they do or used these characters as a poor introduction for their takes. Contrary to what a lot of people believe in, fallout has a prediomeny white cis male fanbase. More importantly a large portion of the fanbase is white.
You can joke how FNV made you trans or see the numbers on post/fics or diverse headcanons but these are kiddy numbers compared to the millions that consume the franchise and aren’t in those more aware spaces or don’t engage in the spaces the same way someone like me does/has to. Their views shape a lot more than people realize and it’s exhausting to be in a space where people don’t correct the more subtle yet toxic aspects of it but also adopt them into some weird quirky view point on the characters or issues. Some people don’t realize and some people don’t care.
My main issue is just the idolizing of these sort of thing in this fandom space and people try to acts like a game like fallout whose tagline is “War never changes” and has never had a game not revolve around political or militaristic factions issues isn’t that deep or doesn’t relate to real issues. I think it’s mainly caused by how over powered you can become and how you can strong arm your way past these learning moments as majority of people who play this game do play it as a power fantasy where they can do so as they please (which of course, go ahead it’s fun) but never take in parallels or lessons in the story as if it was just another first person shooter.
Also like another personal gripe is Cazadores spawn like hell whenever I’m there and I have not found a mod that works to mod them out so I have to play Indigenous Racism the DLC while getting jumped by giant wasps WHILE helping Mormons. Like I cannot catch a break.
#I’m mostly silly or character headcanon focused on this blog#but sometimes I forget some people literally have never interacted with someone slightly outside of their ideologies or don’t learn about#philosophies that don’t pertain to their view point and actively block them out#and so I have like a meltdown and occasionally post about it cause like I see more people hate Danse for regurgitating BoS teachings than#hate Joshua Graham who helped found the legion participated in their practices and still has this weird bloodlust#like make it make sense why do you like this white man genuinly like outside of his aesthetic#I can say silly shit about them hit it’s always I think it’s surreal they even exist while others genuinely wish they did so they could fix#them and some of all don’t realize how quickly jokes lead people down rabbit holes and pipe lines cause ur not gonna see posts even pitying#that man in here#like when I defend Danse it is through the signs and events in game that show he is not stuck in his ways and possibly only adopted those#beliefs because of his tramatic events with super mutants and the bos being very anti anything not human#their are affinity reaction that concern this while Joshua like moans yes when killing the white legs and is always polishing his gun goon#pile like I’ve learned too much about him the Mormon faith and that dlc to be told I’m playing favorites he is not fixable or repentent#this fandom has one of the worst issues of he’s my fave so he can’t do wrong when some of this characters are literal unapologetic rapist#racists or individuals who condone or perpetuate like ideas and concepts like obviously I’m gonna not like them????!#like I still think it’s interest to dissect them and I try so hard to not be a hypocrite but sometimes it’s like the whole this is just a#fun thing for you but like be aware of what you are taking in and reflect like is so important fiction can slowly seep into your morals#I’m rambling and losing track of shit so imma stop here before I reach the tag limit but again dm and ask cause this is the stuff I will#blab about#horrible at normal conversation tho#fallout#fallout new vegas#joshua graham#honest hearts#ask#anon#fallout 3
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2024 Purge (Part 3)
A whole Three-Parter for 2024! Damned very completely took over my brain and I made so many many doodles about it haha <3 Also ft. Helix and SCII generally, and a few other cursory Damned-style things :)
Little mini ZEX walk cycle from his Kissing Strangers meme ♥ He’s so cute, wobbling around on these weird new legs, not used to using these stiff arms to assist him back up!
Floorplans!! Of the Vyer Estate, I unfortunately don't know the layout/room configuration of estates or mansions very well haha, so I kinda just guessed at what kind of structure the house would have - I could've looked up blueprints, but the foyer is such a strong image in my head that every other room kind of fell off around it lol - though I still oscillate between seeing the stairs in the frontmost room or to the sides, hmm
Many many speculations, including the outer spaces, yard out front and in back, what all is within their fencing, if its built on a slab or foundation, if there's a crawlspace or cellar or full basement, ahh, so many possibilities! You can see in the left full-view I mistakenly put Dex's room on the first floor lol, both his and Max's room are explicitly described as being upstairs, on a separate floor from the kitchen. Very important! But where is the master bedroom...? The two on the right are kind-of both of the same thing; the platform at the top of the foyer double stairs, and the room beneath it that leads outside to the back garden - I moved the dining room around here and there, it would be nice to open up the back doors and have a dinner party able to go in and out I think :)
Going a bit more granular, made some temps for Max's room specifically - he hangs out there a lot, it's important! Even pulled out my grid paper for this one haha, fun to have an actual floorplan kind of look with tile-spaced everything! Very Sims, quite fun. I do like the idea of him having a window seat, but he's also described as standing in front of his windows so that probably wouldn't be the Only type he'd have hmm
On the topic of the Sims, I ended up making the three mockups in the Sims 2 as well! I do like this one - I was especially surprised that Max was even able to get to the bed! I thought the dresser would be in the way but no, it’s all walkable :D Very pleased. Not fully satisfied with the placement of his en suite tho, would it encroach into his room itself, or be tucked into a wall...? I kind of like that idea of that :0
The double bay windows is maybe a bit much, but I mean. Idle rich lol. At one point he’s looking out the window and then backs Dex up against a wall, but Which wall hmmm, must align room layout with seduction attempts, very important
Switching entirely over, you might remember the card I posted of Stanley, and the small mention of having made a matching card for the Narrator... I may have made significantly more than just that lol, I can't help it!! The Damned structure is wonderfully made, it invites creative speculation and idea generation at a nearly alarming rate! I commend the game builders for their craft. So I made a bunch of the faces I'd want to see at the institute lol, I love duos the most-most, so picking a pair from several of my favourite pieces of media was just ahh! Yes!
Apaultheosis and Emma seemed like a particularly fun match :D Would that make Paul his "real" counterpart...? I mean, it says Matthew right there lol, but would he just act like Paul? Would be doubly weird if Paul-proper showed up while the Apotheosis was out swanning around haha, Apaultheosis really seems like the right level of "belongs in an institute" to have a lot of fun with :) And if it's my immune-Emma AU in particular, Emma's already used to having to be around a bunch of weirdos haha
The LAC boys!!! ♥ Making everyone's little background was a lot of fun too - yellow for the TSPs, blue splotches for the Hatchetfield duo, little devil trappings for these two :D Such fun! It was also very fun to write up everyone's little personalities in simple phrasing, really break them all down to their core characterizations haha. Helps with not pushing them too far one way or another too! Would they do any given thing because [trait]? S'fun!
Weird Duo, the Watchers pulled from And the Universe Shifts - the explorations of villains having to put up being on the same side as/having to get along with heroes really makes for an interesting examination of how they'd go about doing that! These two are still absolutely insufferable, but they're also trying to escape! It's interesting :0 Also casual headcanon of how the institute would deal with enby/trans characters, possibly something I've had a lot of thoughts about lol
Last fanduo from the first batch - all of these were made over the course of like, two days, if that lol, I was very excited about this idea - I genuinely love how anime/JRPG characters are usually given fake names also in Japanese, it's very fun :D I only did so halfway for Nova's since she's only ever had the one kind of anglicized personal name, no family name - could she also be a kid from Jersey? Such mysteries haha. She also probably wouldn't have her hair clips during the day unfortunately :P But I couldn't resist drawing them, she's not her without them! The Watchers get their masks, give my girl her barrettes!
Back to Helix, more short-haired Max! I do like this one but I also thought the pose was silly so I held off on it haha, he looks cute with short hair! <biased towards Max generally
Another one that was too silly to put anywhere haha, ZEX being attacked by an invisible Kayako - Teisel is very confused at your inexplicable reactions, Admiral!
Normally I wouldn't post my studies, partially because they're mostly for my own benefit, to better understand how to draw a character, and also because I am usually very ❤️💕💖💞💗 in my commentary lol, as evidenced. I was excited to see him!! Especially in the institute uniform!!! <3 I'd doodled him a couple times as such but Seeing it, ahh <3 <3 So cute, wonderful ♪♫
Max! Another half-study, frog mouthed boy <3 Goofy floofy lad, love him <3
And another! This time of him being teary-mad, gosh he's adorable no matter what he's up to
Hehe <3 A particularly silly one in reaction to Dexter having arm-pinned him on the floor - how different certain things look in hindsight, through the lense of a crush, hm?
Talanaaaa ♪ In actuality she removed her shirt, but how cute would it have been to tie it up at her side instead ahhh
Lovestruck Zelnick, totally listening, mmhm <3
The silliness continues! Was thinking about the little pink bits at the end of VUX tendrils and how I've sometimes seen them speculated as also being little tongues? I'm still not sure what I think about it! It is good and potentially creepy I think, but would they taste? Would they be as dexterous? Hmmm, thoughts thoughts
A dandelion for the sunshine Captain <3
There he is! The sunniest boy of them all! Sweetest sweet lad ♥ Love him :)
Speculating ZEX plushie stuff still - going over the construction of his uniform, possibly as part of his body, possibly as something to dress him in so he can be fitted into other clothes as well :0 I'm still considering the tail slot, but probably only for uniform-as-body - otherwise, laying his tunic overtop his tail would probably be the easiest all the way around. I do like VUX with short tails too tho, hmm, how to make it visible... On the right are a few more detail ideas :D Different eye styles, what would be embroidered vs. sewn together etc. - I considered felt medals and badges, but I really think embroidery would have the prettiest result! Even my notes say so haha, that and where to put weighted pellets in place of fluffy stuffing :)
Speaking of plush 👀 Ahem
An alternate Strawberry Blond panel, ZEX pulling him up fully to look at him hhh I love him <3
And also touching him a bit, what is this feeling DAX is feeling! ZEX has some ideas :3c Though when doesn't he lol
More DAX expressions! Angy and owie, they do tend to go hand-in-hand, poor lad got well-knocked around and he still ended up the least injured of the three!
Rando icons, I can't help myself ♪ This uniform has its hooks in me, is it the ominous smiley face's bright yellow on boring grey, the contrast, the sameness?? I just like it! Was a fun small and simple thing to pull together :)
I actually started this set somewhat early on, speculating what DAX's MU scene might be, but never ended up with anything solid - since he wasn't there initially, it's hard to think of what would be a fitting torture for him, apart from what Was there i.e. having to watch what ZEX went through :( That does seem like it'd leave some pretty massive mental scars on him - always always always unable to save him in the moments where it really counts! :'0 But it doesn't do anything to his Body, and that's supposed to be the point of MU! I do still like many things here, DAX's offer of self-sacrifice being rejected and him being powerless to do anything else
And the way I used hashmarks to imply his eyes going fuzzy with them both open and the stress - looks like a pause symbol haha
Also a big fan of the little corner doodle being so cute and wholesome, the two of them excitedly circling each other, excited to see each other! I love-loved that so much in their meeting <3 <3
Then there was that one time DAX and DAX met, that was fun :) If only ZEX had shown up, then what would DAX do! Self-defense in a way hehe, that's one way of getting on the same side haha
The raw doodle that eventually became Get Out of the Way! For as sad a way as it was to go out - failing to be protected, the last of his allies, not even able to wield his own weapon effectively - it does still remind me of a silly quote. Those dogs were indeed very nasty!
A temp doodle of Dexter holding both Max's clothes and ZEX's uniform after his "discharge" (;;) from the institute, the only things he has left to hold onto 💔 So very little left of him :(
I at one point asked smol who she’d put in the institute for funsies and she picked Maison Talo, and so I tossed Apaultheosis at him - they do both consider humans as prey! Just, a bit differently lol. Would the Apotheosis even be able to convert a Realtor by their lure? Where does the goo need to be to start to take effect, many questions
Stanley Icons <3 It's only fitting that my first choice for a card gets his own set of reactions! Icons like these are actually really fun to make - pulling around from my doodles, slapping a bit of colour overtop, edits to screenshots (Stanley's "Dead" reaction is probably my favourite of those, I'm sure y'all can guess which ending I pulled from lol) - and it all has me tempted to make a few more...
Back to Just-SCII! More Baby VUX!! 💖 They're so cute!!! Just little guys, adorable <3 Casual clothing and PJs and having to tie one's sash back on haha, all those complicated loops and knots :)
Also some muscle/arm shape speculations of how VUX armtips might change based on what they're doing, the roundedness of recoiling is very funny to me haha
Obviously had to make these two's versions in TS2 as well, the most fun <3 “What brings you in today, Mr. Vargas?” “That’s doctor.” “Oh, sure, right.”
More of the Doctor meme! Poor DAX haha, certainly sick with Something ♪
I think the lyric is “three times a day”? But what three times a day, that's the real question lol. ZEX has his own suggestions hmm :) I do like their hug in the first one hehe, so cute <3
Totally all better! Definitely nothing would make his symptoms flare up again!
Poor DAX <3
Digitized Dr. Doran! He really is so tiny haha, it was fun using Wander's colour scheme, mostly filled out already! The institute's dress code for staff is a mystery; presumably some of the therapists wear medical/professional clothes, but then there's Stein who still has the screw in his head - surely they'd allow jeans, right? Or is that where they draw the line lol. Look it's fine, he's meant to be the Approachable Therapist, he gets special allowances, totallyyy
All two Locked In doodles that didn't make the cut but also have nowhere else to go lol - there’s a few dozen concept sketches that haven’t been written into complete scenes yet that I'd love to post as their own sets! At some point!! Poor Oz is so put out, and Leah's big goofy grin, very silly hehe - that one's just meant to show off her outfit! It's winter, no bare legs here!
As a bonus to make up for those being the only two doodles, here’s Ozzy and Thrax in TS2 failing to get along lol. Oz! You're not good enough friends for that yet! Will they get there someday? :3c
VUX snuggles <3 Love the them so very much ♥
This is one I really want to digitize to get them a little more cosplay-accurate, but I'd been going back through some nostalgic AMVs and had the sudden realization that KuroFai, being one of my fairly early/influential ships on my heart, and now they...
Fai even loses an eye, I jfdlskafdlhfdf
Finishing out with my last set of cards, I had to make the two leads from SAOA, truly a masterwork in abridging <3 They're just such fun characters! And it's not like they're not already used to being trapped somewhere that constantly risks their lives :'0 I love them, I swear! Good things for them!
#Doodles#Damned#Long Post#Ahh!!! Three for three!!! None of the art purges broke this year!!! Yeah!!!! Technically goal accomplished even tho there were more doodles#Just gotta split it up enough!#This one definitely earned its own separate sketchdump For Sure#With the amount of energy and attention and enjoyment all paid its way I mean#Not much else To Do about it haha#So many aspects! The SCII aspects - so wonderful to read ZEX and Zelnick especially-especially <3 <3#They are my favourite-favourites so very much so wonderfully written ♥#Truly an experience I'll never forget <3#But also the game itself! Its structure and everything that went into making play possible!#Framework terribly important to loam the soil to be grown in!#Absolutely something I admire so deeply - something I've wanted to do in some way another for years!!#Met me at the right moment :) Couldn't ask for more <3 But am still getting it! Huah!!! 💕💖💞 Spoiling me!#To take it to a slightly calmer place lol - had a lot of fun with So Many ideas here#Helix and SCII and Locked In and the original and new Damned and my cards and icons ahh#It's truly so inspiring :D My favourite!#Much fun to talk about at length :) I'm sure I still have more to say lol#As usual there are many links to go through - they were a bit of a pain to insert because of the aforementioned not-quite-breaking!#Please click on them!#These kind of turn into mini-masterposts huh :0#Maybe I will look into making a few masterposts here and there#Also I don't know why but some posts aren't showing up in the tag#Only the older ones all the latest ones from the last couple months are there but the rest >:/#They show up in the archive/Damned tag but not if you're just scrolling! The heck#The consideration of a masterpost is only more appealing if the tags are going to be so unreliable and uncooperative!#But as long as they're all here or findable in their own right I'm pleased enough ahh <3 Fun fun
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my god. skinny people really just have like. No Idea huh just absolutely not a single clue lmao it's almost funny to watch fr but then id lie if i said i wouldn't fucking kill to be able to be that ignorant
#girl i am SO sorry people react with surprise when you say you're studying to be an opera singer because you're#*checks notes* skinny and attractive. so so sorry that must be literal hell for you huh how will you ever recover :((((#no no please keep talking about how equally bad that is to the brutal fucking fatshaming and ED glorifying#in the industry that me and the only other fat girl in the room were talking about before you interrupted us <3#anyway. we were talking about this one review of a quite famous professional music critic whose only comment about a fat mezzo in the cast#was 'miss xyz.... lose some weight'. not a single word about her singing/acting/whatever. but yeah no you're too sexy for an opera singer#and THAT is the real problem here girl i totally understand yeah <3 thoughts and prayers dearest.#earlier that same day this same girl was standing next to me in her bodycon dress and went#*pointing at her stomach that's so flat its almost concave* 'ughhhh what do i have to do to not look pregnant in this dress 😩😫'#and i said 'girl' and just looked at her and like the sudden horrified realisation on her face was lowkey hysterical#like omg you really did forget you're not talking to your other skinny friends with whom you can pat each other on the backs#and reassure each other that 'dw girl ur not fat at all ur so so sexy!' huh sjshsjshsjs#but yeah i dont like making people uncomfortable irl so i did reassure her she looks hot and pretty and skinny as all shit#let at least one of us have a nice evening and not feel Absolutely Fucking Disgusting ig <3#and the day before that after i saw our (last ever btw never photographing myself with them ever again <3) picture and had a mini break down#the other even skinnier and smaller and petite-er crouched down next to me with the most guilty fucking expression and quietly asked me#if im alright and do i want her to delete those pictures (that she posted on two separate social media pages) and like#the look of immense fucking pity on her was even worse than seeing those pictures#like i know she meant well and was trying to be nice but my god. this really is how you all see me huh#like looking like me would be fate worse than death for yall#not even gonna mention the thing i just learned this friday that the retired ballerina who leads our ballet classes said about me#trying to cheer up the other fat girl who happened to have a bit of an emotional breakdown in the middle of the class :)))))))#like i am sooooooo so glad and honoured to be an inspiration to you. really. always happy to help. the exemplary Fat Girl Who Fucking Sucks#But Doesnt Let It Bother Her <333333#like on one hand. yeah it really does make me wanna jump off a cliff. but on the other. its just hilarious sjdgsjsgsj#you sure are right miss ma'am. i sure don't let this bother me at all. i am famous for my uncanny ability to Not Be Bothered by all this <33#but shes new. its ok. how could she know about the last two years when i was getting panic attacks and sobbing myself to sleep every tuesday#but yeah no. [lauren cooper voice] am i bovvered? am i bovvered tho? i aint even bovvered!
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#hotd edit#house of the dragon#aegon ii targaryen#dailyhotdgifs#gameofthronesdaily#welighttheway#hello. i'm back. i didn't forget about the third edit#3/3. the final viva la vida edit. had it in my draft for weeks. wanted to post it then noticed a major mistake that i never noticed so.. ye#i'm kinda proud of this one. i just like it. hope you do too.#i don't know how to tag this. do i tag rhaenyra daemon and alicent? it's not really about them and i don't want to spam their tags#also yes. i used different scenes for the quotes and not when they said it. i tried. didn't like it#ultimately i wanted aegon to be the focus and the only character who's face is really visible.#*mine: edits#*mine: gifs#*mine
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re: your recent tags about the gameboy sp! that boy's got headphone adapters i POMISE!!!
the magic of modern science. wow...
#ask#sapphicdroid#i did look it up to fact check myself after i reblogged the post and saw the adapters#honestly when i was younger i never knew it didnt have a headphone jack#granted the only time i ever saw one in person was on the school bus with a friend#he played pokemon blue on it and i dont remember the details of all that went on during#i mightve also seen another kid on the bus play pokemon emerald. i dont remember.#however that was my first exposure to gen 3 pokemon. as a kid i only knew about Red Blue Yellow and Crystal#my brothers had Red and Blue. and so thusly i have both games now. i... dont know where my copy of Red is though.#i have a copy of Yellow from Ebay but it loses its memory sometimes. which i think is why it was put on Ebay in the first place#Crystal however? well first i knew of gen 2 through pokemon stadium 2#we had both pokemon stadiums for the n64. or. well. still do have them.#speaking of. sure does suck to go through the gym leaders and elite 4 in those games. mostly due to how long rounds are.#emulated it a while back and i had to use the fast forward feature a lot#anyway. Crystal. somehow i got my copy from a random coat in a clothing store. just. in the pocket.#i dont know how i managed to find it. it was either in a coat my mom was looking at or i was looking through pockets... probably the former#anyway within like a week. a kid in 3rd grade stole it from me#i... think i got to the elite 4? i remember getting to the last dude with the charizard. forgive me for forgetting his name.#but like right after i had it stolen. i got on the bus and vented to my friend and he was like ''oh i have two copies of crystal''#and then gave his second copy to me. i forget if it was on the day of or if it was the next day.#anyway that same day it got stolen again. by the same kid. that kid stole so much shit from me#he switched schools the next year so i couldnt do anything about it#i have uhhh... soul silver now. so its not that big of a deal these days#anyway thank you for the ask :) i appreciate you telling me anyway
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Misc. photos from the past year or so ~
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. napping bapy boye sneeping on his own foot as if it were a pillow#2. The little primrose that I have seems to bloom sporadically all year around as long as I bring it inside and don't let it freeze#in the winter. This was a flower that came up randomly like mid november lol#3. Rainbow where you can see a little bit of a second rainbow near the bottom of it :0#4. CHILDREN.... love to see them.....#5. Halloween Candy ranking tierlist. not important enough to post on it's own. so throwing it in with one of these I guess lol#I am also not really a candy person at all and prefer bready stuff like cakes rather than chocolate bars (if I even have to have sweets#at ALL which usually I prefer savory food). I suspect the apple is controversial but.. I do love apples .... huzzah#actually am having applle and peanut butter snack right now as I'm writing this lol#6. Various bowls/cups/etc. that I got from a store at COMPLETELY different times like.. years apart from each other#yet at some point realized that they all mostly match in paint color and seem to be part of the same pattern#But I totally didnt make that connection until a few years ago when I was putting up dishes. I just bought them all invidually because it's#like 'oh cool! a cat' *1 year later* 'oh cool! a cat!' etc. lol.. I guess it must be a popular design if it's been around being sold that#long.#7. carne asada burrito and matcha bubble tea... oughhgh.... again one of my very rare meals where I actually go and get something..#probably my favorite meal currently. Something about the Chronic Anemia makes me crave beef burritos madly despite only having one#maybe twice a year or so ghjbhj.. plus the beans.... onions.... many of my Diet Forbidden foods... Also of course the little aishas#are there.... somehow they shall split the meal together even though it's like 10x bigger than their bodies.. they are also hungry#and vastly anemic... huzzah to them...#8. I've had this shirt for a long time but it fits very weird so I can never find a way to use it in outfits?? But I recently had#an appointment where a doctor needed to be able to look at my back and it's one of the only actual Shirts that I have (mostly i just own#long robes or tunics or jumper dress type of things that would be hard to lift up or etc. like... I dont even own a single normal 't-shirt'#or anyting aside from one giant tshirt that I sleep in in the summer lol.) So I wore this there.. I forget how much I love the pictures on#it.. how pleasant... little hummingbird... AND I think one of the flowers is supposed to be columbine ... !#photo diary
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that period of time between south park post covid being announced in 2021 to summer 2022 when everyone got obsessed with truffula flu was moderately heavenly
#i'm going through all my chronological memory hoarding playlists from late 2013 to now#taken all day but i'm currently on around june 2022 and it's so nostalgic#but like that entire time was unreal#never forget south park post covid announcement literally curing me of like 2 years worth of on and off depression#i was like still weakly crawling out of the abyss and then adult scientist philanthropist kenny jsut yanked me out of there so easily#no warning#and then i was fine. it was so funny to me like i was in the middle of my eateot induced existential crisis where i couldn't sleep and then#everything was just normal? literally whatever episode of my life i was in had ended and everything reset for the next episode#which was such a good episode as well. and then the tflu era??#reading every existing camp entre blog within a month#and then the swag and bitter archives. literally the summer of all time#not just for that i mean it was just a good summer anyway#the only logical direction for life to go in after that was down bc i'd literally peaked for about 8 months#but it was a good time while it lasted#this was meant to be a happy ''remember the good times'' post but how come i'm only allowed to be happy for like a year at most#but i'm allowed to be in the abyss for 2 years#hopefully not longer bc i'm only now just getting over the cursed half of 2022 that doesn't exist to me (sep-dec)#but like. 2015 and first part of 2016 good. 2016-2018 bad#end of 2018 and most of 2019 good. end of 2019-summer 2021 bad#end of 2021-summer 2022 good. end of 2022-now bad#the maths does not add up#anyway shoutout november 2021-july 2022 i love you soooooooo much you were so sexy <3#(apart from the agoraphobia but that was part of the fun)#(like i'd be out in public and i'd see a pic of entre on my phone and i guess too much serotonin would be released in my brain and i'd get#anxiety and have to go home and i couldn't eat in public and i basically couldn't leave the house)#(because i was too obsessed with tflu)#(that wasn't the main reason it was mostly a wild fear of food poisoning from anything. but tflu didn't help and that is so cool of it)#(truly an iconic time. okay stop talking)#ramble
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so over the last month i have watched a playthrough of the entire ace attorney series (including the first three games twice bc i got to the end of T&T and was immediately like. okay so many things have just happened, i need to get a better handle on The Everything before i continue) and even now The Rest Of The Games Later i'm still thinking about how the benefit of context/hindsight makes everything even better right off the bat, even in ways the developers absolutely could not have intended/been thinking about
like. the first time through, the quiz at the beginning of the first case is just part of the tutorial given a light veneer of characterization. however having watched T&T i feel like "your conduct during this trial will determine the fate of your client, please prove that you know what's going on" is actually pretty reasonable to ask a guy you once saw eat a glass necklace to destroy evidence his girlfriend committed the murder he was on trial for. the judge could really have asked more questions actually i'm not sure this pop quiz is really covering all the bases. if anything i think he earned a lot more doubt actually. like yeah okay do you know the name of the victim and the cause of death but more importantly do you know that you cannot eat evidence to try to get your client off the hook
#aa tag#aa1#aa3#also okay so not the ENTIRE entire series yet. i know there's the great ace attorney chronicles + the professor layton crossover#but like. the entire main series and the investigations games#it's taken me like a month just to get this far okay i'm working on it#anyway this is not the only thing i noticed that's even better/makes more sense in hindsight but it's by far the funniest#the other thing that really jumped out at me is phoenix's interactions with grossberg in 1-2 and 1-4 actually#bc in 1-2 it's SUPER clear 3-1 was a retcon and they had absolutely never met before#but 1-4 actually makes *more* sense if they actually kind of knew each other#i forget the exact wording but phoenix says or thinks something about ''old times' sake'' and ''that old familiar cough''#or something like that#which... could theoretically just be referencing like three conversations in the space of a couple days three months ago!#but sure sounds more natural if there was more than that#but the pop quiz thing is funnier#aa posts
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