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nobutfredweasleytho · 3 years ago

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YOU JUST DON’T LISTEN(F.W)

Summary: Fred’s ex girlfriend writes him a letter to explain the how him using her wrecked her emotionally.

Warnings: angst, like a lot of angst, depressed Y/N, mentions of self doubt, a little swearing, mentions of parents not loving correctly, used reader. Let me know if I missed anything.

A/N: Major thank you to Gabriella @onlyfreds for being an amazing person and encouraging me to write whatever this mess is. I am forever grateful to you

(The font is terrible Im sorry im just getting used to working on tumblr)

Fred Weasley checked the muggle clock on his nightstand. 10:30 AM. His mom will call him for breakfast anytime now. He has been awake for quite some time if he can even count the 30 minutes he tried to sleep but couldn’t, not when every time he tries to close his eyes his mind and eventually dreams are clouded by her. By the last time he looked at her, how devastated she looked, How her face was wet from her tears and her eyes bloodshot red, but the thing Fred will never be able to forget is her voice. How raw and vulnerable she sounded while saying the most horrible thing’s anyone has ever said to him, but he can’t blame her, he has no one to blame but himself because in the end it was he who caused all of this and now its come to bite him in the ass. He hears the door open and his twin brother George enters.

“Mom says breakfast is ready and she wants you downstairs. She says she’ll drag you herself if you don’t show up again today.”

“Tell her I’m not hungry and I’ll come grab a bite later.” I really don’t feel like being surrounded by other people right now. Not in this pathetic state I’m in. Besides it will take me willpower I don’t have to not hex Ron into oblivion.

“Well she will not take no for an answer and I wont either. What’s done is done now and you’ll have to face the world someday so start with your own family because everyone down there is worried sick about you and the least you can do is show your face once in a while so they know you haven’t died of starvation or sleep deprivation.” George has worry written all over him and I’m sure the rest of the family has it too. I feel even more like shit for worrying them.

“Fine. But I come back here if she is mentioned are we clear?”

“We weren’t gonna mention Y/N anyway now lets go moms worried sick for your dumbass.”

Breakfast was going smoothly with Ginny and Ron being exited for Quidditch season, Harry and Bill discussing the unfortunate events of the Triwizard tournament last year, dad asking Hermione about a rubber duck whatever that is, but the most shocking thing is mom asking me and George about the joke shop products. George is doing most of the talking but still the fact that shes even asking is awesome. I was finally feeling peaceful this whole winter break until I heard a hoot outside the window.

“I thought it was Tuesday but since mail is here does it mean its Friday already? Oh how fast time is going.

“No Arthur honey you are right it is Tuesday, Bill or George can one of you see if that owl has the owners name attached to it and bring whatever letter he has here to see who is it for.”

Bill got up from his seat and went to the window next to the countertop to look at the mystery owl. “Do we even know a Y/N Y/L/N?”

The room went quiet. The only thing that could be heard was the owls hoot asking for its treat. Bill seemed not to realise this as he took the letter from the owl, gave him a treat and sent it on its way.

“To Fred Weasley from Y/N Y/L/N… Who’s Y/N is she the girl you’ve been crying over this whole time huh Freddie?” Bill chuckled but I just grabbed the letter. I had no time to even be mad at him because once again my mind fogs up with only her. I couldn’t help but feel relieved and the happiest I felt in a long time. She has forgiven me. Y/N forgave me. That has to be it. Why else would she send me a letter?

“I had a great time with you guys but there’s important matters for me to attend so I have to go to now. Thanks mom the breakfast was amazing as always.” And with that I sprinted towards my room, locked the door and examined the letter in my hands. It was a bunch of them in here. I went to mine and George’s worktable threw some papers that were on top of it to make room for these letters and carefully opened the envelope.

The first thing that I grabbed was a photo. It was a polaroid of me and Y/N on the Gryffindor common room. Happiness filled my heart when I started remembering this night. I looked at the back of the polaroid and surely enough there was a writing on it.

Fred and Yn on the Gryffindor common room at 1 AM the night she turned 17. Listening to ABBA’s “Dancing Queen”. Picture taken by major 3rd wheel George Weasley.

Tears filled my eyes when I remember this night. It was the night I looked at her the way I always should have. Not as a replacement of someone who didn’t care about me.

The next one was also a polaroid photograph but this one I don’t remember being taken. It’s a picture of Y/N teaching me how to play the guitar. I can make up that we are in her dorm but not more as the picture is taken in black and white. I look at the back and surely this one also has a writing on it but the handwriting doesn’t look familiar at all.

A drunken Y/N accompanied by a even drunker Fred trying to play the guitar in the middle of the night. If I fail my charms exam tomorrow I’m killing you both but right now you two look adorable. Picture taken by Cho Chang.

The third one is an actual letter. I chuckle looking at the handwriting. Always so precise and not even one line out of place. I always thought Y/Ns handwriting always contradicts her hot headed persona but it’s actually really cute. I start reading the letter and my heart stops.

Dear Freddie,

I can only imagine the shock that receiving a letter from me would cause you right now especially after our last conversation.

But I have a lot to get off of my chest and I wont be able to move on if I haven’t said it all. Call me a coward but I was really scared to ask you to meet me so I can say it in person, but maybe that’s what I have always been. A coward. A coward because I get scared when someone wants to enter my life, a coward because I hate trying new things at the expense of failing, a coward because I should be able to confront people who brought darkness and sadness to my life.

But one thing I will admit Fred Weasley is that I wasn’t a coward when It came to loving you. It was the first time that I let someone come into my life and heart the way you did, and it will probably be the last. Throughout our “relationship” if you can even call it that as it was more of you customizing me to be her, to be someone I’m not. But that’s why you even talked to me is it, because I reminded you of her.

The signs were right in front of me and I feel stupid enough not to have seen them. But I guess people are right when they say love is blind. Love is such a funny thing to me as the first time I experienced the right kind of love was through you. But that was me creating stuff in my head. You didn’t love me no, you loved the idea of me. But I loved you. I loved you more than anything or anyone I have ever loved, I loved everything about you. But you just don’t listen. You don’t listen to anyone around you. Not George, not your other siblings, not Lee or any of your other friends for that matter, not your professors, but most importantly you don’t listen to me.

You didn’t listen when I told you that the love my parents gave me was only because I reminded them of my brother, the love my old friends back home gave me was one of interest. Everywhere I go no matter who I talk to no one will love me for me. I came to accept that until I met you.

You were funny and crazy and brave and oh so gorgeous. You were basically everything I looked for in… well everything. In a friend or in a partner it doesn’t matter. I thought you saw me for who I am. A broken teenager with issues but that at the end of the day was deserving of love. Oh how wrong I have been but no more wrong than you. You knew this but you just didn’t listen.

That makes us both horrible people now does it. Me who thought you were some kind of savior or some kind of saint and selfishly wrapped myself around your love and you who used me because I remind you of your ex girlfriend who broke your heart. But mine is excused I feel like and yours isn’t.

You would have kept me going for who knows how long just so you can live your imaginations you had for someone else.

Did you think about her the first time we slept together?

Was I not enough for you Freddie?

Was I too clingy too soon?

Is it my hot temper that gets the best of me?

So many questions will be left unanswered on my end because frankly, I never want to speak of you again. Sure I am deprived of love but I will not take it if its not directed directly at me.

I still care about you and will continue to support you and George on whatever you set your mind into. I was waking through Diagon Alley last week and saw this little store with a “for sale” sign. It’s right in the middle of Diagon Alley. I hate how my first thought went that you would have loved it but I seem to do that a lot recently.

I’ll get dressed and think would Fred love this skirt or this shirt.

I start applying lipstick and I’ll think will Fred love this color.

I start eating and I’ll think does this look good enough that Fred would’ve stolen a piece of it when I’m talking to Ginny.

I don’t even know why I am telling you this. How pathetic I’ve become clinging into someone that doesn’t want me.

Anyway I’ve probably bored you enough with my ranting but I wouldn’t have been able to move on unless I said everything that felt heavy on my heart. I also attached some photos I thought you’d like to keep seeing as now you can see yourself with Kayla without having the burden to be near me.

Say hi to your siblings and Harry for me.

Have a nice life,

Y/N

#harry potter #fred x y/n #fred weasley series #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley #fred weasley angst #george weasley #hogwarts #fred and goerge weasley #weasley family #sadnees #i hate this

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awoken-artist · 4 years ago

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🌸🍡Please don't resubmit/repost my works without my permission! thanks!🍡🌸

Continuing on with my sketch dumps of my FMA artworks with my FMA OC and other canon characters! :3 I had fun doing these doodles, I plan to do more and get on with my FMA comic so yes-

I shall talk about each of these sketches! ^u^

timeline in the FMA Manga and brotherhood where Rose takes Winry in when they arrived in Lior. So in my story Emmy had tagged along with Winry and the others. Rose takes both Winry and Emmy in, Winry and Emmy take turns using the bath to get refreshed, which i would draw a scene where when Emmy was taking a bath she's been pretty zoned out somewhat. Winry does notice and would talk to her as they start having a connection with each other as they rarely do at times. of course after the bath Rose talks to the two and have a suspicion both Winry and Emmy have a thing for Edward and when Winry notices Emmy does indeed have a crush on Edward, she cant help tease her and admits she has been around Edward so much so this only gives both Winry and rose the opportunity to have her spill the tea. even spill out and admit she has a crush- which she did...they broke her to admit it as she broke even more being extremely flustered. aaah girl talks XD

scene from the manga and brotherhood where you know- Ed was hiding in Winry room to have some privacy...yeah that scene. so after Winry screamed and that whole fiasco with the guys wondering wtf is going on- Emmy does rush over and see the guys blocking the door and sees Winry handling them and jumped out of the way to not get smacked by the guys getting their asses beaten. Emmy does get back up and wonders what's going on and sees Ed. which Ed is relieved both Winry and Emmy are safe. of course Emmy tries her best not to cry which- can easily see she's about to but instead of bawling or crying at all- she gets mad because she was worried sick. she storms over and grabs him by the shirt and shaking him "WHERE WERE YOU DO YOU EVEN FUCKING REALIZE HOW WORRIED WE ALL ARE?!" and Ed was just surprised how mad he made Emmy and tried to calm her down which she does calm down and tries not to cry which- Ed told her she can let it out. which she does. Winry helps with comforting her as well and told Ed that he made her really worry about him after hearing about the incident with the mines from envy which.. Ed wasn't sure if he even should mention what happened. [didn't drew the scene but it'll happen in my FMA comic...yeah uh Ed actually does tell Emmy what happened in the mines and of course gets an emotional earful from her. which- he doesn't fault her for getting upset..]

^^ Last one is aha...yeah Emmy with her cousin Autumn...who she hates the ever loving crap of. Emmy has a nasty history with her cousin, because her cousin is nothing but a very spoiled brat who her parents spoil on even autumns siblings, and lets autumn do whatever she wants. [worse is the Aunt absolutely cannot stand Emmy due to having a unpleasant view of her and her mother. Basically the Aunt is like a "Karen" kind of person, with holly thou attitude, not to mention - the aunt doesn't like Emmy and Emmet's mom because she and her parents are from another country....yeah she's- she's that kind of person, and of course- spreads that to their own kids. :/ she's that bitch] so yeah Emmy has a nasty history with Autumn when she was younger, even one where it crossed the line to the point the family doesn't want anything to do with the aunt and uncle anymore, not even the kids because it went way too far. Basically Autumn was left alone with her siblings and with Emmy, Emmy was very young about age 3-4 and autumn decided to get the scissors and cut her hair making Emmy very upset telling her to stop and anytime Emmy would yell at her begging for her to stop autumn would cut her with the scissors trying to silence her but she wont stop crying. the cuts only making her want to cry MORE. of course this made autumn get very frustrated and would slap her, even make threats to cut her neck if she doesn't shut up which- at that point Emmet saw what happened and rushed to pull the scissors away and throw it across the room and take Emmy in his arms very angry and tells her "I'm telling my parents!". of course autumn tries manipulating by saying he's being a tattle tail and whatever, which Emmet doesn't care and tells her that his parents told him that if ANYTHING happens, he should tell them. even when in danger, and he runs to get his parents attention and luck happens that the family was pissed. autumn tried to play the innocent angel card but the other family members don't fall for it. make it worse that autumn had marks from using the scissors and has some blood on her. not a lot but droplets. proof enough. Yeah id go into more on how the "reunion" of these two happen but- that'll be either a future doodle or when the comic gets worked on and we get to that point. let me say it gets worse...and....creepy might i add... eck..

🌸🍡---------------------------------------------------------🍡🌸

🍡Artwork and my FMA OCs is owned by: @awoken-artist

🌸Fullmetal Alchemist and Edward Elric is owned by: Hiromu Arakawa

🍡Programs Used: Clip Studio Paint EX

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luvargas · 3 years ago

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i think i just saw LUCILA “ LU ” VARGAS ride by on a golf cart . at least i think it was her . after all , CREDIT IN THE STRAIGHT WORLD BY HOLE was blasting on the transistor radio . maybe she was on her way to work , i hear she’s a PERSONAL TRAINER . but she totally could have been on her way to SNEAK IN A SMOKE AT THE GARDEN . guess we’ll never know . you’ll definitely know its her when you see LOOSE AND TANGLED HAND WRAPS , BUTTON BADGES ON VEGAN LEATHER , AND HEAR THE SHRILL SOUND OF BICKERING around the country club . let’s just hope she stays off the green after hours or else the sprinklers will get her !

( new muse, messy thoughts, u get the gist. pls know the views of this chara do not reflect my own. the name’s katya, 21, she/her pronouns & im ready 2 party. feel free to hmu wnvr or drop a like to plot n ill com 2 u ! x — oh n pls be a pal n read this quick disclaimer. tysm ! )

BASICS

24 years old

15 april 1997

5′1″ or 1.55m tall

bisexual cis woman, she/her

aries sun, aqua moon, and aqua rising

love languages : quality time & acts of service

BIO POINTS

kid o�� divorce, lived w her ma in chicago til she was 6 then w her dad in highlands til 14 then back to her ma !

def a daddys gorl. so used to her white pop’s leniency that livin w her strict latina ma durin her teen yrs was So Not Her Vibe ergo * cue her rebel grrrl phase *

did not finish hs ! left senior yr 2 to go w her “ radically progressive ” college bf to [ insert dev country. ] they broke up after a few mos but she kept at that life for a couple more yrs

seen some places. lived in new countries. done some shit. some good, some sus, but all generally well-intentioned. tis a whole thing but u get the gist, nywy !

lu’s back in da usa by 21. rel w the ma is strained but the pa is chill w stuff, they kept in touch. he said shell get her college fund if she gets her ged so she does !

her dad is v active n stuff so shes just always been v sporty w him. lu turnin 23 w zilch plans worried him so he implored her to get certified as a personal trainer ! n when she did, he called in a few favors w a pal he knows et voilà ! ur hired.

LU AT WORK

shes been workin at the country club fr a little over a yr now. most her clients are influencer-type gals n they luv her bc shes can take rlly cute pics n stuff for content. lu sorta likes some of em n she fakes the rest for the bread. u can bet she clowns all em richies behind their back

unless she got clients, catch her runnin’ about the club n minglin’ w the other workers. does it annoy mngmt ? yes. n she luvs that. but bc her soon-2-b-karen clients luv her n wont stand for her bein booted, she can milk that impunity

actually knows her shit n lowkey rlly enjoys the work. she picked back up the boxing n tae kwon do she did when she was younger plus she was always in the track team at school. v healthy lifestyle save for her smokin vice n the party moments

PERSONALITY

passionate ! has lotsa opinions. helluva a drama queen, bit of a loud mouth, argumentative n stubborn but her heart’s in the right place, albeit a lil misguided. comes w the whole activist bit, bitin her tongue just aint it. highkey makes everythin political n smtms gotta realize .,.,. it just aint that deep chief. some say shes needlessly defiant, but maybe thats a in the beholder typa thing ? fingers crossed 4 lu’s sake

fun, fun, fun ! can be real naggy but shes no buzzkill. wannabe anarchist-slash-mutineer who wants 2 stick it 2 the man ! get rowdy go crazy

fight, fight, fight ! goin back to the first bit, she talks big. esp w like ,, men n the whites lol. she can actually walk her threats tho she isnt actually violent. w arguments, she likes to start em but finishin is ... ruff. also any dare, she wont back down in either doin it or arguin why doin it wld be smth-ist. shes not the sharpest tool ok rip lu

loyal legend ! fr her friends n buds, shell turn a blind eye. pals r the only exception ! truly ride or die n will do errthng 4 em. v much a believer in the power of community n ppl needin ppl or wtvr, yk, all that stuff. shes mouthy but like, she helps ppl

here’s a brief blurb n a more coherent look into lu as a character

TIDBITS

lu can understand spanish but hers is a bit broken, tis her secret shame shhh

she doesn’t believe in the institution. any institution. u name it, shes got beef

pls dont fact check her she cant hear u

probs lowkey thinks shes better than u bc shes vegan

prefers 2 be called “ lu ” n ny1 who insists on lucila is dead 2 her

comments abt her not lookin like a pt w her height n frame will result in an earful n a dramatic outburst. it aint worth it chief

watches lotsa sports w her pops. mostly indiv ones. mma, boxing, tennis, track, etc

dont ask me abt her principles n politics, i cant explain em either. v inconsistent n just messy at this point tbh but here’s a lil attempt ig

she drives a 2018 prius n lives in a p nice 1br apt outside the club

her mom’s middle class n her dad is almost upper-middle class. he isnt a member of the club but, like ,,, he cld be if he wanted to lol. he spoils her sm while she hasnt rlly Spoken to her mom besides civility, rip they both stubborn, tis a vargas thing

she is v much in a comfy position money-wise n dsnt hav much Need to hustle but sis does hav a couple of organizations she regularly sends some dough to so thats nice ig

she went fr grassroots activist to a veteran twitter/tumblr/reddit/wtvr ranter n a change.org gofundme petition regular. is it burnout ? is she ok ? honestly who knows

WANTED CONNECTIONS / TAKEN CONNECTIONS

found family ! pals n squad wanted. y’all gotta hav patience or ear plugs to power thru her self-indulgent mini-rants but shell luv ya back tenfold !

carpool buds ? cld be a pal ! or maybe yall had a lil argument or small beef but lu still drives ym bc her pride ? said mother earth first even tho the tension n silly drama is funny

homies to smoochies ! just sum nsa makin out. cld be pals, cld be flirty, idk, but if u wanna kiss her shes probs ok w that

smoke bud ! just sum1 thats her go-to 2 smoke w on her breaks. knows not to call her out on how its not healthy fr a trainer yada yada she knows ok. let her live

an ex ? idk yet shes not rlly datey but thats out there

crushes ! this bitch hot but does she know how to flirt ? not rlly. watch her fumble

debate club ! aka sum1 she bickers w relentlessly. its valid, sum1 fite her. r u a worker or a club member ? either works. its a whole club bc she can have tons, lu can be hella annoying n testy

clients ! self-explanatory. do they get along tho ? lets find out !

( im officially braindead now but if y’all got more ideas or think theres smth lu wld fit just lmk !!! down 4 wtvr, wld luv 2 hash it out w yall <3 )

#highlandsintro

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cake-writes · 5 years ago

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Compromise (Part Eight)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Story Warnings: Mom!Reader, Dad!Bucky, Ex-Relationship, Co-Parenting Drama, Slow Burn, Angst, Fluff, Separation Anxiety

Summary: You didn’t want to trust him again, because every time you did, Bucky broke your heart just a little more. Deep down, though, you wanted to get along with him. You wanted to be amicable. You wanted your daughter to know her father. You’d always wanted that. It just required a compromise.

Interlude #2 / Master List / Spotify Playlist

“His phone’s broken.”

A simple explanation to be sure, but it set you off.

You were thankful that Steve had said it over your phone with you miles away from the compound, otherwise you may very well have stormed into the communications room and ripped Bucky a new one over the air. In fact, you still had half a mind to, but you didn’t. He’d been sent to Malaysia, apparently: a mission halfway across the globe. What difference would it make?

The worst part was that you sent Steve a bunch of panicked texts until he finally rang you back. Even his response was delayed, because he was busy, too – busy cleaning up his best friend’s mess, just like the last time. That shouldn’t have come as a surprise, but it did.

Of course it did. You let your guard down.

Why hadn’t Bucky just asked someone to keep you in the loop?

It was a simple ask, really, and something he should have done days ago. Instead, he put you in a bad spot – made you worry about him, made you overthink, made you feel like this past weekend was just a fluke, and maybe it was.

One step forward, two steps back.

Needless to say, when Bucky finally showed up on your doorstep, you nearly slammed the door in his face. The only thing that stopped you was the apologetic look in his eyes, although the small bouquet of daisies in his hand might have helped a little, too.

“You’re an asshole,” was the first thing out of your mouth.

He winced. You didn’t apologize.

“We can’t make this work if you don’t communicate with me, Bucky.”

“I know,” he admitted, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other. “I’m sorry.”

How many times had you heard that before?

“I’m not going to keep chasing after you for answers like this,” you told him, just a hint of bitterness seeping into your voice. “I shouldn’t have to. And I shouldn’t have to ask your friends, either.”

Bucky’s adam’s apple bobbed at your harsh tone, but no words came. You thought he looked conflicted, almost, like he wanted to say something, maybe defend himself like he was so wont to do, but he held it back. Instead, he took the tongue lashing and didn’t even try to argue – a stark contrast to how he used to be.

What’s more was that he agreed with you, and that was the biggest surprise of all.

“You’re right. I should have asked someone to let you know. I’m sorry.”

That was when you noticed just how much he’d changed over the last two years. Then again, so had you.

You stared at him for a moment, hard and resolute, before you finally stepped aside to let him in. Bucky met your eyes with an unspoken question – are you sure? – but the only thing you responded with was an aggravated sigh as you retreated back into the house.

You left the front door wide open for him, left the ball in his court.

The soft click of the door closing, along with the heavy footfalls of his boots against tile let you know that he’d accepted your invitation.

Reaching into one of the kitchen cabinets, you retrieved a small vase for the flowers, doing your best to ignore the slightest flutter of appreciation in your chest. He’d remembered that you liked daisies, even if he had only ever bought them for you as an apology. That, at least, hadn’t changed.

No, that wasn’t true. He got you some on your first anniversary, too. Your only anniversary.

“How was Malaysia?” you asked, then, short and to the point. An exercise in civility. A difficult exercise.

When you held your hand out for the bouquet, he immediately gave it to you and you pulled a pair of shears from your knife block to trim the stems.

Another routine.

“Hot,” Bucky replied, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I just got in about a half hour ago.”

Tense. Awkward. Uncomfortable. That was how you felt, but a fraction of the tension faded away at his admission, indirect as it was. He’d come straight here after he got back – hadn’t even changed out of his tac gear, or at least not completely. Handgun holstered at his hip, belt and cargo pants still loaded with knives and ammo, the only thing missing was a thick layer of kevlar.

Hot, he’d said, and you tended to agree. You hadn’t seen him in his gear in a long time, and with the fire of your rage slowly fading to an insignificant smoulder, another fire started to burn.

You blamed it on the fact that you were alone with him – actually alone with him – for the first time in years. You’d already taken Winnie to preschool this morning, which worked out well enough because you didn’t really like the idea of her being around so many weapons, even though Bucky had always taken the utmost care to ensure that she never got into them.

As for you, well, you’d taken the day off to catch up on errands and housework. How he knew he’d find you at home, you weren’t sure, but for some reason it didn’t bother you as much as it probably should have.

“How’s the car running?” he asked, his own attempt at making terrible conversation.

“Better than my old one. Thank you.”

Cut and dry, but civil and full of projection.

Stems trimmed, you placed the small bouquet into the vase and filled it with water. Only after you finally met his eyes again did you notice how nervous he seemed to be. With a single look, you could just tell, even if he didn’t say a thing.

James Buchanan Barnes, so nervous and walking on eggshells because of you.

More tension faded away at that realization, however, and you felt the corners of your lips turn up in the slightest hint of a smile – one meant not to mock, but to reassure. When you spoke again, your tone was lighter than before and so was your heart. “Thanks for these, too, Bucky. They’re lovely.”

Bucky visibly relaxed upon seeing your smile, his shoulders slumping just a little.

Had he always been this easy to read?

“Can I— Can I take you to lunch?” he stammered, then, and it completely blindsided you. You got the feeling that it might have blindsided him, too; the question seemed a little rushed, like he’d blurted it out before his mind caught up and he quickly scrambled to add, “I know you're busy, and I’m probably the last person you want to eat with, it’s just— I found this little place ‘round the corner a few months back, and—”

Brows raising in amusement, you made a joke to help calm his nerves. “Are you asking me out on a date?”

Bucky swallowed hard and quickly looked away, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand.

Oh.

“No, not unless…” An anxious pause, then, and your heart began to race – at least until Bucky chose not to finish that train of thought. Instead, he cleared his throat and backtracked to a single, “No.”

You felt conflicted, because you knew exactly where that sentence was heading and you half-wished he’d seen it through. The other half of you understood what a bad idea that would have been.

Clearly, so did he.

A quick check of the clock on your wall indicated that it was just after eleven. You’d be free until Winnie’s preschool ended at two-thirty, and, if you were honest, you really had missed him over the last week. You’d started to miss his company, as stupid as it sounded when you’d done just fine without him over the last two years.

“I can do lunch,” you offered, “but I’ll have to leave around two.”

Soft blue eyes widened at first, but then they crinkled up at the corners in the way you’d always loved. Even now, seeing that gorgeous smile made you weak.

The sun shone brightly upon the two of you as you walked side-by-side, leisurely, through the park near your house. Funny that you only used to meet Bucky here for his visits with Winnie, but now it was just you and him.

He’d stripped off the rest of his tac gear before you left, lest he kickstart the mommy group rumour mill. Bucky wasn’t exactly a secret of yours, per se, but being loaded up with weapons was a good way to draw attention. Neither of you wanted that, least of all him because of who he was – who he’d been – and so at your offer, Bucky locked his weapons inside of your bedroom closet.

“It’s safer than anywhere else in the house, right?” you pointed out matter-of-factly. “A locked closet with no windows.”

“Looks like you haven’t completely forgotten my training, then.”

His teasing tone set your cheeks aflame.

The sound of children’s laughter cut through the air, and you found yourself sneaking glances over at him as the two of you made your way past the playground. The faraway look in his eyes as he watched the children playing gave you pause; at first, you assumed it was because he remembered bringing Winnie here, too.

It wasn’t, you soon learned when he stated abruptly, “I’ve started going to therapy.”

“You—” It took a moment to find your footing with such a jarring reveal of sensitive information. “You have?”

“Yeah.”

Well, that explained a lot. You’d pushed him to go to therapy during the latter half of your relationship, but he refused more than once – so much that you eventually stopped asking. That was around the same time you gave up on him.

After taking a moment to choose your words, you placed a gentle hand on his arm. “I’m... I’m happy for you, Bucky. That must have been a hard first step to take.”

That was what finally seemed to pull him from that faraway place. Your touch. He looked down at your hand, first, and then at you – features soft, almost wistful as he answered, “Yeah. It was.”

And then, silence reigned supreme once again.

You wanted to know more, of course you did, but you didn’t want to pry. Maybe he’d tell you more someday. You hoped he’d tell you someday, but why? It had nothing to do with you. How selfish, wanting to know his innermost secrets. Of course he’d never tell you. It wasn’t any of your business. Not anymore.

The warmth of his skin beneath your fingertips almost burned, you’d missed him so much, and you pulled your hand back to your body, using it as a shield to peer up at the sunny sky. It was a feeble attempt to distract yourself from your thoughts. Even the faint laughter on the wind couldn’t stop you from wishing for things you’d never have. Wishing for him.

Playdates in the park with you, Bucky, and your little girl, just like the smattering of parents always close by the swing set. Commonplace on a beautiful day like today. Normal. Right.

Celebratory dinners when Winnie did well in school, and birthday dinners, too: March for him, and May for her.

Weekends and holidays spent together, an amalgamation of his family’s old traditions and yours.

You and Bucky had planned to make your own traditions, once. Sunday morning pancakes were just the start – sparked by soft, sleepy whispers shared between sweethearts, suggestions of what your little family might do in the future. Ham for Thanksgiving, perhaps, and a Stark-inspired celebration when Winnie graduated from college. The two of you had even talked about the beautiful wedding she might have one day.

Plans made for years away, but the seeds were planted – seeds that withered away.

Once-forgotten wishes of a life with him now lay at the forefront of your mind, not so easily forgotten this time. No matter how large the star you wished upon, it would never be able to bring the life back to a relationship so stunted in its growth. Not when the water – the love – had run dry.

Today, Bucky had drawn a clear line in the sand between the two of you.

This wasn’t a date. His love had run dry.

Part Nine

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x you #bucky barnes

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cloneslugs · 4 years ago

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Wolf + Yayoi + Akiyama :)

this is seriously ill im sorry

Wolf

First Impression: well he seems neat <3

Impression Now: he's very soft and kind.. <3 and very cool very nice man i love you wolf

Favorite Moment: the whole rice thing b/t the divine child and him and kuro, this isnt a moment but i enjoy how he speaks to people he makes me (:

Idea for a Story: I'd like to see him first meeting Kuro ^__^ that would be cute.. or how he grew up w Owl bc it seems so … … … well anyway he has a lot of cool background that would be fun to explore

Unpopular Opinion: i think people draw him smiling too much in some interactions i dont want him to even remotely have a sense of humor or even emote well tbqh, not that i think hes unhappy or anything but like well … + also people are freaks w him but that's another story.. i dont think he would date grandpas

Favorite Relationship: kuro <3 it's cute how he actually engages in conversation w Kuro i like how he talks w him and how Kuro talks w him it's nice.. i think his relationship w Owl is interesting but not . good. Emma + Isshin + Sculptor & every other friend he meets i enjoy esp Kotaro ^^

Headcanon: *gives him transgenderism + autism + homosexuality*, selectively mute (:, he also just has a general issue w socializing & when he doesnt know what to say he defaults to repeating people or just ignoring people, he likes being called Wolf by like Kuro and whoever but Isshin deciding to call him Sekiro makes him feel a little something (:, he can "cook" + knows lots of misc skills like sewing and stuff, doesnt like loud noises, doesn't like being in water -_-, i think he has trouble differentiating b/t what he likes v what he dislikes bc hes used to just putting up w things and never really got to acquire preferences ever hes accustomed solely to survival, he's done kuro's hair for him before <3 but he does it very quick and messy but he tries

Yayoi

First Impression: ig this is her k1 substory idk i just kind of like . wow this lady seems cool ig goodbye

Impression Now: … hi <3 she holds a very very special place in my heart now i miss her everyday please babygirl come back to me i need you back ive written out how you can come back please

Favorite Moment: her k1 substory always makes me sad um.. everything in k2 when shes taking charge.. i love watching her interact w kiryu they have a really interesting relationship.. i like when she got on ryuji for his bullshit and i really really like her introduction in k2 i love watching her handle shitty lieutenants <3 i love you.. oh also whenever she looks sad + worries over daigo thank you for being a mom ma'am <3

Idea for a Story: um i have a lot of stuff already written for her bc im a sicko .. um ig most interesting to me is how her relationship w dojima developed & also what she was up to when dojima died and daigo went to prison right after bc i think about that period (+k1 substory) a lot.. </3 seeing what she was doing in 3 when daigo was shot would be nice iwant her to be homophobic to mine i think <3 ik a rggo event covered it but id like to see more of her when she stepped up to he acting chairman & how that went ig more in depth.. or just her general role w the dojima family back when it was relevant and uh yeah <3

Unpopular Opinion: um i personally would never call her a milf that feels so :x idek to me gross almost not even bc im a homo or anything i just never would it feels too disrespectful aieeeeeee 🙈 also i wish people didn't care for her just as daigos mom or her being more compotent than daigo or whatever idk people are weird about them in a stupid way and i </3 ik shes just a side character but whatever.. also i hate everyone who writes her like "yes i married dojima for power and i crave violence" fuck you im the only right person ever

Favorite Relationship: um daigo.. i have lots of thoughts they are so nice together ilove them very much <3 kiryu and kashiwagi are very cute w her too they respect her very much its sweet <3 i think nishiki and kiryu helping out w daigo as dojima members when daigo is little has very sweet potential b/t lady dojima and them not saying they outright would be seeking for a maternal figure but um.. also well kashiwagi uhh well i want her to move past her [k2] baggage and um.. um.. 🙈 boyfriend

Headcanon: she's so bisexual shes very very bisexual and she knows it and no part of it even concerns her shes just bi + also her first major crush was on a girl that went nowhere and it embarrasses her to death <3, her dad is who introduced her to wielding a sword it was a very unorthodox introduction and came about by kind of bittersweet means but she very much enjoys it (he didnt teach her anything more than the very very shoddy basics he really just helped introduce), she comes from a very non-traditional [japanese] family, really bad vanity issues i wont publicly elaborate on, um something about dealing w loneliness, she was like daigo and was top of her class in school, she comes off as prett7 different outside of professional settings + acts a lot colder and meaner than she actually is around work people bc that's the only way she thinks she'll be taken seriously, she was a very excited first time mommy <3 she still loves daigo more than anything, she used to sporadically grow her hair out and chop it all off and grow her hair out and chop it all off growing up mostly as a teen -_-, she doesnt socialize well but shes good at parroting and imitating proper social etiquette, she has an "older sister", she loved kiryu and then she hated him more than anything and now she likes him again, perfectionist but a lot of things come naturally to her, not very expressive but her eyes give away a lot, she used to really like kazama very fondly until she didnt, shes not much of a hand-to-hand combat fighter but she can handle self defense, cooking does not come naturally to her ):, shes kept every gift + prize daigo has gotten for her, shes not much for gifts (from people not daigo) but she likes flowers

Akiyama

First Impression: he's funny (:

Impression Now: he's still just funny <3 but also bisexual i love him he's very endearing and easy to like

Favorite Moment: hanging out w haruka in rgg5 or any time he is having fun w hana <3 his one substory in rgg5 where you get more of his background is nice or when he first gets together with shinada + tanimura is funny.. anything that's not rgg6 um

Idea for a Story: i want him to hang out w haruka more <3 or just some of his day to day life.. what he splurges on when he does ummm.. background on when he and hana first met + his ex fiance, hin hanging out w the rest of the group .. anything fun i think ^_^

Unpopular Opinion: he has annoying/questionable moments but so does everyone in the series um.. akiyama/hana is superior when he crushes on her hard vs her to him idk if that's even unpopular ummm idk idek any freak stuff w him nobody talks about akiyama much

Favorite Relationship: hana (: trans bisexuality <3 him + kiryu & haruka are sweet together, him and tanimura are fun.. i think hes a nice central point for both 4+5 protags i just enjoy him <3 hes good w people

Headcanon: hes the least athletic i think that's canon though, tried to keep a fish tank in the office but hana ended up taking over + then getting rid of it but by then he wanted an office cat or bird or something "more interesting" so that hed feel like taking care if it but by that point she put her foot down on animals, tries out lots of misc hobbies that he eventually drops (golf, tennis(very embarrassing), gardening, etc (mostly sports bc he feels like a lazy piece of shit sometimes + gets splurges of Yeah Fitness!!!)), all kinds of math teams and etc growing up he actually really likes math, has a lot of gifts he chickened out on giving hana just kind of buried in the office, bad at video games, can't cook, he buys lots of cheap things bc he doesnt really see the point of splurging on fancy unnecessary stuff, magazine hoarder bc he just picks up whatever for a mindless read when at the store and forgets if he's gotten it before

#asks #o7 thank you i love you so much #rgg txt #i literally forgot every one of my thoughys when i tried to wriye tbis i was like i dont know these people suddenly #probably missing info bc i wrote this sporadically throughout the day um <3 i love you

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sumbitchcraft · 4 years ago

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i got to vent a lil so here goes (tw for suicide and murder)

yesterday i found out my uncle killed himself and his ex girlfriend who was like an aunt to me and my sister. it’s already fucked because my family had to find out through the news, and the cops still haven’t been able to find his phone or anything personal so we’re trying to get in contact with them to learn all the actual details. he had a full fucking shoot out with the cops before he died and he always said he wanted to go out ‘in a blaze of glory’ but we all thought he was fucking around. we’re all terrified for my mom because my uncle and her had a suicide pact.

but it somehow gets fucking worse. because the reason he did it was because the ex girlfriend FUCKED MY ESTRANGED GRANDPA. i’ve never met the man but my uncle spent this entire last year trying to get us to contact him because he and the gf took a trip down to see him and he thought he had changed. but nope! the gf and him hooked up (multiple fucking times from what i know) and she did that literally just to spite my uncle. that doesnt justify what he did at all but like. what the fuck. it also came out she tried to fuck my OTHER GRANDPA just to mess with the whole family!! i feel so sick.

and to make matters worse, two of my roommates who are dating (only one is on the lease) are going through some really bad times and objectively it is just one of their faults (the one NOT on the lease) but she refuses to leave the apartment so the other party slept on the floor of our office and now wont come back from his classes. and now the one who’s still here is upset with me because she wants to bring her (illicit, we’re on a college campus with rules about pets and she’s already been caught with them once) rats back into the apartment for us to watch and i don’t want her to because i’m grieving and don’t need another thing on my plate. but she keeps venting and won’t respect my space and i know we all take things differently but a fight in a relationship is not at all on the same par as this. its just not.

im stuck here because my school is a few hours away from home and we can’t have a funeral because 1.covid and 2. we’re worried that someone would be really upset we’re holding one for him after what he did so it could be dangerous. god i need a million naps and some soup :(

#personal #long post #tw:#suicide #murder #family drama #sorry this is kinda a lot on main but fuck dude this shit is just not it

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cultivated-man · 4 years ago

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About Me

I have been tagged by the lovely @day6andetcetera

1. Its your birthday! What did you ask for and did you receive it?

I don’t really like celebrating my birthday, or getting gifts but I did ask for one thing this year- I asked for a pretty traditional Chinese tea set and sadly I haven’t had a lot of time to use it much. I keep asking my mom to buy me a ukulele but she wants to hold it for Christmas but I cant wait that long ugh

2. What was the last song or album you listened to?

I’m currently listening to music because I was trying to do homework but lost focus so oh well I’m here now- anygay, I am listening to the 1975’s Frail State Of Mind. I love this song and I think that the 1975 is one of those groups that you should listen to if you really want to get to know me because I’m bad at explaining myself, I end up giving people music to understand- (them and Twenty One Pilots, swmrs, Stray Kids, Green Day.. I could go on-)

3. What is your go to snack when you’re hungry or bored?

I don’t really snack, but if I do I make myself some ramen or I eat some pretzles. We rarely have candy in the house but if we do I’ll eat that.

4. What is your morning routine?

Currently my daily routine has been this: I wake up at anywhere between 8am to 10am, I get up about 30 minutes to an hour after that because it takes a while to really reboot my brain in the morning. Then go to the bathroom and splash my face with some water. After that I go downstairs, drink some coffee and chat with my mom for a while, then I go back upstairs into my room and read my tarot cards. I really don’t normally do much at all until my older sister goes to work at night (she is a huge distraction to me and how I function properly, I can’t do schoolwork when she’s around)

5. What mythical/cryptid creature would you be?

Would the grim reaper count? I feel like that would be super cool to be someone who takes someone’s life when it is time. (wow that’s dark) If not then I’d pick a demon or the devil anyway because that shit is cool too.

6. How do you interact with someone that you don’t like?

It really depends. Unless they have wronged me, my friends or family in a way that I can’t forgive them, I will tell them straight up to get out of my life. If its something small or I have my gut feeling that I just don’t like them, then I do what I normally do with any person- Ignore them. That’s kind of a lie, if they talk to me I will be kind and talk but if not I will do everything to avoid any human contact.

7. How do you define a toxic person?

Oh wow, what a question. I think a person is toxic when they are hypocritical, manipulative, overly cocky, downright aggressive/rude for no reason. That is probably my least favorite person.

8. Have you ever been to a concert or fanmeet type event?

I have been to a few concerts! Most of them I was just someone to fill an extra ticket, except when my ex bought us tickets to go see Twenty One Pilots two years ago when we were still together. It was a great show, that is my favorite band and seeing them live was the best experience. I would recommend everyone seeing them at least once. Even if you don’t like the band, because they just have such a strong presence on stage its amazing. I really really want to go to a kpop concert and now that I live near LA I think I may have more chances to try! Now it’s a matter of picking which group… now that’s hell.

9. Do you believe in astrology? Why or why not?

Kinda? I mean, my older sister got me into reading about it. Its based on huge generalizations of groups of people, but sometimes it makes sense, so I kinda believe.

10. If you only had one sense (hearing, sight, touch… ect.) which one would you want?

Another hard question. That’s super difficult for me because I’m torn between touch and hearing. Those two are two senses that I am really reliant on. I always listen to music and I can’t live without it. I do have hearing problems in my right ear so I fear any other problems with losing that. I also have lost my 20/20 vision but I am not so worried about that as much. I didn’t really answer that question but I don’t think I will because that’s super hard.

11. Who is your favorite celebrity or idol?

There are a few celebrities that I look up to I will just list a few but I wont explain why much because that would take for-fucking-ever. Here’s the list in no certain order: Elton John, Jake Gyllenhaal, Chris Bang, Matthew Grey Gubler, Lee Hoseok (wonho). All of them have something that really has changed my life in one way or another. All of them have said and done things that really have impacted me.

12. If you could talk to Your favorite celebrity for a limited time, what would you tell them?

I think I would want to talk about life. How they changed mine, and I would want to also make an impact on them as well. At least a little one, because I love being someone who makes people think differently, and I have made impacts on people that I never thought I would so I think that would be fun.

13. I’m taking you out on a date and its your choice. Where are we going, and what are we doing?

I’m a slut for museums, parks, bookstores, zoos, coffee shops, anything to deal with that type of thing, waking around and viewing things I guess? I’m a big nerd so anything like that would be amazing.

14. Do you like sweet or savory foods?

I like both, but I’m more of a spicy savory guy, but I do like me some sweet deserts.

15. Do you have any band merch or anything from your favorite artist? If so what?

I have a quite a few band tees for Monsta X, Stray Kids, BTS, Twenty One Pilots, and I think that’s it? I have a BTS and Twenty One Pilots beanie, I have BTS and Stray Kids albums/posters. I think that’s it? OH I have a Twenty One Pilots necklace that is a homemade friendship necklace made in the shape of Ohio (my home state) and my friend gave it to me with the confetti from the concert that we went to (she went to the concert with her sister, they carpooled with us).

I’ll tag a few people~ @maddiesup @sarawatism @thecynicalartist @totalgarbitxh

#tagged!#tag game #thanks~

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szopenhauer · 4 years ago

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What type of friend are you? funny mom friend so like... dad friend? XD

Have you ever been friends with someone for longer than 7 years? nah

Do you have a family member you hate? could say so

Does your family accept who you are? it’s complicated

Have you ever puked in school or at work? luckily not

Do you hate puking or does it make you feel better? hate

Have you ever coughed up blood? nope

Do you lie to your doctor? sometimes we all have to but nothing important

Have you ever been misdiagnosed? yup

Do you think you have an disorder but havent been properly diagnosed yet? that too

Is self diagnosing good or bad? depends

Do you think sex is overated? it is

Is it important for both genders to understand eachothers bodies? I’m not dating men, I don’t want to have a son and I am not a doctor so I don’t care about male bodies, sorry

If someone was a virgin and was raped, did they lose their virginity? ...

Have you ever dated someone more than twice your age? nooo

Have you ever been cut off by a bartender because you were too drunk? I don’t drink

Have you ever borrowed money from your mom & lied about why you needed it? I don’t think so

Have you ever dated someone just because they had money? no

Have you ever lied to your spouse about the money you spent shopping? it wasn’t a lie but I bend the truth a little

Have you ever gone on a first date with no underwear? I might go without a bra but because I don’t wanna wear it and not because I might have sex

Do you treat attractive people better than others who aren’t as attractive? nope

Are you more comfortable with friends that are less attractive than you? not less but not more as more attractive might make me feel insecure at times

Have you ever hated a job to the point that you tried to get fired? I would if they let me stay in few places but luckily they didn’t care much about me as their worker hahaha

Have you ever lied about your weight on a driver license? there is weight on a driving license? :o

Have you ever lied during a job interview? meh

Have you ever lied to your boss to get out of work? I exaggerated feeling sick once to not get a job in a horrible place if that counts

Have you ever lied under oath in court? I wouldn’t!

Have you ever bought alcohol for someone underage? I said NO

Have you ever switched tags on an item to pay less for it? I only took tag from an identical item, just different color, as someone tore it out before and I really wanted that particular color, so no

Have you taken any pics of yourself that you wont want your parents to see? umm... yeah ^^”

Did you ever tell your BF/GF you like their outfit when you really didn’t? there are different types of like - like as I would want to wear that myself and like as I enjoy it in general but also like it on particular person etc.

Do you feel accepted by your BF/GF ’s family? could be worse lol

Do you lie about your age? what for if everybody think I’m younger anyway

Would you risk your life to save a total stranger? maybe

Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? hell no

Have you ever snuck out of the house to go out with friends? not really

Have you ever shoplifted? no way

Have you ever done something because of peer pressure you are ashamed of? yup Have you ever been embarrassed to introduce your parents to anyone? omg

Have you ever held back a well deserved compliment because you were jealous? I don’t recall

Do you guilt people into giving you what you want? hope not, I try not to, it’s manipulative and I already am seen this way due to my BPD so...

Would most ppl consider you better than average looking? pfft Would you prefer to have hot body or high IQ? good health

Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? I’m ashamed to tell them that I don’t have a job

Would you give up your car to save the planet? if I had one...

Are you more likely to believe a man or woman? woman :x

Has your credit card ever been declined? I don’t use a credit card

If you ran over an animal would you keep driving? oh no...

Do you think your parents are too critical of you? my mother is

Ever blame a sibling for something you did wrong? I usually have to take the blame for her instead

Have you ever accepted credit for someone else’s work? just my alters lmfao

Did you ever buy something expensive,wear it once and return it? I didn’t, I have no money to buy and no heart to act like this either

Have you ever re-gifted something? shitload of times

Do you really care about saving the planet for future generations? not for future ppl, just for itself

Do you own anything from IKEA? not furniture

What was the last task that you required the use of scissors for? I just dropped them and let them lay on the floor under the table because I am unable to reach ‘em

Look around the room and name any item that’s grey. stuffed bad from Biedronka that I got on a flea market

Do you know what any of your close friends did yesterday afternoon? me and M. been spending time together while my parents were at home

Can you recall the last time you woke up in a bad mood? Why was that? I always do?...

Who was the last person to send you a message with a heart emoji? my gf obviously

Does your hometown have many good bookshops? none

What would be your typical outfit for a party? I don’t attend parties

If your girlfriend/boyfriend broke up with you tonight, what would you do? oh...

last dream you had: K. 3D printed or smth almost identical album as the ones I had as a baby and her and my current partner gave it to me as a gift :3

do you think a lot of people think bad things about you? I aware of that

is your best friend pissing you off at this exact moment? I informed my father that I dropped scissors and now as I picked them up he asked me when and how they ended up there while I told him about it few minutes ago - I was more worried than annoyed tbh

Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? she’s taking a nap

Sex ruins relationships, right? it can happen

Last person to stand up for you? hmm...

The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them? I lost count which is weird because I cry in front of my family members only (not even my grandma until I was a baby), I know that sometimes I cry in public but because I don’t give a fuck about strangers as much as I used to, close ones in the other hand... Nat hates the most when someone sees him so vulnerable

Something good going to happen tomorrow? doubt it

The last person you kissed hates you. Why? would have reasons

What do you usually do when the clock turns 11:11? it’s a secret you can unlock in a very high level of our relationship

Do you like your cell phone? it’s ok

So, what if you married the last person you kissed? we’re engaged so that dream ain’t that unreal

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend? uh oh

Do you plan on moving out within the next year? I wish

What are you listening to at the moment? mom and dad talking <rolling my eyes>

Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? or never

What’s your favorite high school memory? I have a bunch of those

Do you wish you had more money? absolutely

Team Jacob or Team Edward? team hate Twilight

Do you have a problem with bisexual, gay, or bicurious people? with bicurious maybe, definitely not gay

Have you ever held hands with the opposite sex? I have

Are you a patient person? weirdly unpatient Do you think you are a good person? am not

Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? ewww

Is there a difference between the word ‘best friend’ and ‘friend’? there is

How was your week? rollerclaster XD

Does it bother you when an artist remakes a song that one has previously done? usually

When was the last time you cried? recently

What letter is the song you’re listening to under? M if vocalist/band B if title of the song

Would you rather visit the 60s or 70s? 60s I guess

Do your socks say anything on them? I have no socks with anything said on them

Name a TV channel that only has three letters in it. BBC

Gray or Grey? grey

Will you be buying concert tickets any time soon? I won’t

Have you seen the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower? Did you like it? yasss, it was fine

How many weddings have you been to? less than 5

When you smile, are you confident? I am not

Have you ever not done something because you were afraid of getting in trouble? of course

Was the weather beautiful today? it’s cold

Do you have to have a fan on when you sleep? I don’t own a fan Would you rather have an orange, red or gray bedroom? walls? orange

Would you ever dye part of your hair blue? why not whole

Is Finding Nemo a favorite movie of yours? I dislike it

Does/Did your school have a uniform? middle school only and that was a great idea

Turn on the TV. What channel are you on? not gonna

What’s your favorite thing to do? nothing

If your house was haunted, what would you do? depends

What’s worse: Slow internet or slow walkers? slow internet

Are you a fast or slow walker? which alter? :P

Do you usually have to wear a belt with your pants? I must buy belt for Nat

Are you usually the person to try new things with your hair? no comment

What age do you look forward to reaching? I live on borrowed air...

What exercise do you hate the most? awkward ones

Do you know anyone that has a gecko as a pet? no

What color shirt is your mom wearing today? she’s wearing a striped pajama and light blue sweater atm

Does any part of your body hurt right now? mor than one

Do you like Greek Mythology? not a fan

When was the last time you had Pepsi? ages ago

What was the last question you answered, not on surveys? it was more an order than a question coming from my mom

Do you own anything Polo? used to

Do you know anyone with exaggeratedly big muscles? neighbor

What is your favorite endangered animal? are elephants still endangered?

Do you like to dance? kinda, from time to time Who was the last person who screamed your name? mom’s calling me again, grrr...

Which underwater creature do you find the most badass? what do you mean?

How do you usually find out what the weather will be like for the next week? someone tells me, I ignore them, they were wrong all along

Why have/haven’t you joined Twitter? I left as it was boring and irritating Are you good at rhyming? but don’t like to rhyme

When’s the last time you were woken up in an obnoxious way? lately it’s common

Why do you/don’t you enjoy horror movies? they’re disgusting and pointless

Do you have any celebrity’s perfume? I don’t use perfume

How well do you do at Scrabble? in polish or english?

Who is your favorite Scooby-Doo character? Velma I suppose

Have you ever played or been interested in playing World Of Warcraft? been interested, liked the movie

What kind of cake/other dessert treat did you have for your last birthday? nothing?

Who do you think does the best job at cartoon voiceovers? Jarosław Boberek

Does your dad wear a watch all the time? years ago frequently

How much ice cream do you think you’d be able to eat before you got sick? only a bit

Do you know anybody under 40 with grey hair? I have some myself

Do you think you have the potential to be a good stalker? oh well...

Why did you read the last book that you read? I watched film and heard it has a different ending so wanted to check it out

Have you ever cross-dressed? clothes have no gender but I drew mustaches and such

Which sport are you the best at playing? unihokej/floorball or however it’s called

Do you know anyone who has gotten pregnant despite using contraception? possibly

What would you do if you were in that situation? I’m an asexual and I’m into girls

Are you planning on buying a house in the near future? not possible

Do you prefer on-campus classes or online classes? online

What was your favorite family vacation you went on as a kid? personal

What’s something about you that others might find unpleasant or off-putting? my skin for example (not color)

What gaming consoles do you own? I only play PC and android

Have you ever been so sick you had to be taken to the hospital? been to ER few times

Do you know any lesbian couples? I’m in one ;)

Have you ever lived in an apartment building? just when I was staying with my grandmother

What was the last topic you asked someone for their opinion or advice on? not sure which was last

Is your house visible on Google Street View?- barely

What’s the largest thing you currently have in your refrigerator? *shrug*

Do you know anyone who has never had a pet? I believe

Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? no thx

Would you take the 3 minute beatdown to be in a gang? neither Do you check your texts right away when you receive them? not every single time, it’s impossible!

Does it make you uncomfortable when you receive a compliment? sorta, I think they’re lying/want something or make fun of me (even if just slightly teasing for fun)

When you are home alone at night and hear strange noises, are you afraid someone is going to break in? I’m more “ghost” type of person hahaha

Do you wake up cranky? mhm

What is on your wrists right now? sleeves

Are you a beach, country, or city person? country or small town

Are you an official couple with the last person you kissed? we are

What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today? ex - I got a gift and found a shirt for Nat and myself :3

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? -

Are you waiting for something? food

Something you do a lot? suffer

How many chances do you tend to give people before enough is enough? it’s not about the amount

What’s a fact about the last person you kissed? she likes hugs

How long have you liked the person you like? it’s a long story

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed? not our last kiss

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? I worry

Have you ever given your ALL to someone who walked away?

Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? we kissed

Are you one of those people who are always cold? not always but often

Do you tend to waste a lot of money? I still feel like it even tho I don’t, I thrift often but spend little for those trinkets

Did you sing at all today? może coś nuciłam, nie pamiętam, w headspace?

Would you rather be able to control the weather or control traffic? weather

Do you own any articles of clothing with skulls on it? gave it away to John

Are you faster at text messaging or typing on the computer? typing on the computer

In your opinion which is the stronger emotion: love or hate? hate

Tongue piercings - cute or trashy? trashy

When it comes to jeans: skinny, flared or boot cut? skinny

Would you rather be a star ballerina or a star break dancer? none

They say diamonds are a girls best friend; what do you say? I don’t care for diamonds

Has anybody ever told somebody one of your secrets? plenty of times

Do you get on better with funny or serious people? smth in between

Do you have mood swings around the time of the month? I don’t need period to have mood swings, it’s stereotypical!

Have your friends met the last person you kissed? aha

What if you got stuck in a lift with the last person who Facebook messaged you? we would end up having sex? jk

When/where did your last hug take place? today

Have your parents ever told you about their love lives, and any previous relationships they had before they met? kind of

Do you and your friends have any inside jokes? and with family

When you listen to music, do you ever find that the songs affect your moods and change how you feel? no shit Sherlock!

What’s one thing about today that you didn’t like? don’t wanna talk about all that

Who is the last person that you said i love you to, besides family members? my fiancee

Would you ever go back to any of your past relationships? done

Do you still talk to the first person you kissed? we’re together again

Do you have a picture of you kissing someone? :D

What’s a cuss word you use often? there’s a whole list

Who’s the last guy you texted? dad

Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head? this question...

Do you remember the first conversation you had with the person you have feelings for? I remember how we met

Do you believe that people talk about you behind your back? ha!

If you had twins, would you give them rhyming names? yuk

What are you listening to? Tame Impala - Let It Happen

Did you do something mean to someone today? she deserved it!

Is there anyone that you wish was IN your life who used to be? babcia...

Give us a lyric from a song you’re listening to: The truth of it is it doesn’t get better than this

Is your birthday in less than 6 months? whoops

What brings out the worst in you? better not say that out loud

How’re you feeling right now? bad

Are you afraid of the future? very

Do you believe in true love? I’m trying

Do you believe that every one has a soul-mate? not everybody

Was today a good day? should be better

What woke you up this morning? woke up on my own

Do you look people in the eye when you talk to them? I don’t

Have you ever played naked twister? wut...

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? not yet and don’t plan to keep it that long

Would you get in trouble if you came home drunk? that would be a shock to my family (and to me)

Do you ever think about things and start to worry? 100% of the time

Are you one to get annoyed easily? that me!

Is the last person you kissed yours? we don’t own ppl...

Was it a boy or a girl to text you first today? girl

Are you scared of spiders? am not

Do you hate the last boy who talked to you? I love my parent

Do you tend to make things complicated? not on purpose

Have you ever gotten to the point where you’ve said “I’m done trying”? gqe1gIQASGCK...

Do you think things will change in the next few months? I’m afraid for worse

Do you like when people play with your hair? it’s strange

What are you wearing right now? bluzę w czarne i białe paski, zieloną bluzkę z długimi rękawami i szare legginsy z niebieskim wzorkiem

Ever feel like you have been replaced? more than once

Would you rather write a paper or give a speech? write

Are you lying to yourself about something? thx a lot for this ask...

Is the person you last texted single? she’s with me

Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again? tha hell

If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move to? just my own apartment

Which do you prefer, relationship or a one-night-stand? relationship

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zurilux · 5 years ago

Text

Vent session 4/26/20

A couple things. First, the not so serious.

I’ve been living with my parents for a little over a year now since the second year of my boyfriend’s ST program basically makes it impossible to work while doing the program. We decided to move our in with our parents to save money (especially since there’s no way I could support us and our two dogs on my own.) My parents are fine. They’re not perfect but they’re fine. I’ve realized as I’ve gotten older though just how different I am from a lot of my family. My parents are definitely products of their time. They dont believe in therapy. I go to therapy. I’ve gone to therapy since I was a freshman in college (When I could go without them paying for it/knowing about it) I’ve recently started Trauma counseling, trying EMDR to process past traumas and maybe stop some of my more toxic/ bad habits and the cycle of abuse. (my current relationship isn’t abusive but I’m scared that I may make it toxic because thats really all i’ve known or if it fails I’ll go back to the cycle)

I myself have had quite a few traumatic events happen in my life. In the last few years I’ve become pretty open about my mental health, hoping that it might help others (so no one will feel the way I felt, like I was alone etc) I think a lot of my family would benefit from therapy, as now that I am so open, sometimes my family will share their stories. My parents, like I said don’t believe in therapy, and now they also believe they are too old to be fixed. Especially my mom. Which, for me, is really saddening. My mom, when overwhelmed, will hit herself in the head. Which can make it hard to talk to her about anything serious because she also takes a lot of things super personally (and I cant blame her for that. I’m sensitive AF) and it sucks that she feels she, or her inner peace, is worth it at this point. I’ve found a lot of my family just doesn’t really seem to want to better themselves and would rather just say “This is how I am, take it or leave it”

It’s exhausting to be around people who are in that sort of mindset when you’re working very hard to be better. Trying to be happy, get my anxiety/depression/PTSD under control, process traumas....

Also. some of my traumas happened in the house, or when I was teen living here. SO, sometimes just being in this house is a struggle. Being back in this room where my ex-wife tried to kick me out and pushed me to a breaking point. Being in this room where I found out my ex-wife kissed someone else while they were deployed and decided they didnt want to be with me anymore. Being in this house where I broke down shattered, screaming and crying for the world to stop spinning, and my ex-wife yelled at me, belittled me, harassed me so much over the phone I had to get my parents involved so she wouldnt speak to me again. In this house where I had to hide so much of myself, had to pretend so many things didnt happen....Its really hard being here. especially in this time of super stress, being in Quarantine and a Pandemic due to COVID-19.

and to add on top of that, my mother has started trying to inch me out. My grandma is supposed to move in when I move out. I guess my grandma is hounding her, so in turn, she’s hounding me. Even after I have explained that COVID has messed with my boyfriends program, and my planned summer vacation. Originally he was supposed to be done in June, and we had a FL trip planned in Sept, so we’d move out after our FL trip, to save money, and hopefully not stress the dogs out. (moving to a new place and then all of a sudden your parents are gone for 8 days might be a little much for our pups). Depending on when he started, and how much money I saved, and if my coworker would be moving in with us we could possibly move in August, gives the dogs a month to adjust to their new surroundings before we would move. BUT, now....he may have to do a summer term, to make up for the lack of ST time in ORs at different hospitals, which means he wouldn’t start working in June, he may, depending on how they do their summer term, not be done with his program till July or August...and obviously he needs to work, for at least a month or two before we could move. also, we don’t know if we’ll be able to travel to FL in September, THere isnt really a point in going if Disneyworld and Universal aren’t open/fully functioning. soooo....a lot is up in the air. The added stress of my mom constantly asking when I’ll be moving out is not helping my stress level at all. It’s irking me more than I thought. I didn’t want to admit quite how much it bothers me. oi.

Secondly,

probably a month ago now...or a couple weeks I’m not sure (time is hard right now ya’ll) our dogs started fighting. Very suddenly. We’ve had Carbon since September 2018. Frank (Jake’s dog) and Carbon have never fought till this point. I’m not sure what changed because they both have lived with me (Frank and one of Jake’s parents’ dog dont get along, so he had to live with me) the entire time I’ve lived at my parents house...It seemed like we were making progress, we were able to have them out in the same room without any trouble for a few days recently. (previously we had been crating one, and switching them out about every 4 hours if we were both home) They do fine on walks together. they seemed to be doing okay, but then another fight happened a day or two ago...Jake’s suggestion is to remain living separate. I’ll move in with my co-worker, he’ll either move out on his own or with a roommate with Frank.

to backtrack, Carbon is a almost 2 year old pit/lab mix. He was a rescue, I got him when he was 5 months old. He’s fairly mellow for his age, but he is 2, he’s young and playful. Frank is a 6/7 year old potato dog (he’s short, a little long and has a round/barrelesque body, supposedly a chihuahua, pug, staffy mix. He isn’t fat either, its solid mass. He’s older and grumpy. so maybe he just snapped at Carbon’s youthful shenanigans. They both are very much daddy’s boys. they may have fought over his attention (now that they see him more, he has been basically quarantining at my house ) it’s kind of impossible to know.

I don’t like the idea of living apart. I’m needy. Plus, for a majority of our relationship we have lived together already. Jake is not only my boyfriend but also my bestfriend. I’m very physically affectionate, and Jake kind of sucks at texting...Also, I’m worried that our schedules wont line up. I work M-Thurs 6:30 am to 5pm. his ST schedule could have him working 12 hour days, he could have to work on my days off. having him spend the night once a week is not enough for me, if I can help it, most of this year that’s all I’ve been getting and its been awful (Quarantine has changed that but, thats special circumstances) We already were only supposed to live apart while he was finishing his program, and now we may need to live apart another year...or more...for the rest of Frank’s life, unless Carbon passes suddenly I guess...thats a long time. I get that he doesnt want to crate them “forever” if we lived together. and if we wanted to go on a trip, we’d need specific people to help us, to be sure no fights ensued or whatever, if someone gets bit...it’s over. I understand that...it might not be fair to “crate and rotate” them for however long we need to and neither of us is giving up their dog....I thought maybe if we could get a big enough space maybe it wouldnt be so bad. we could kind of section them off away from each other...(this past year its been me and the 2 dogs in like maaaaaybe 500sq ft) but finding that might be difficult in our price range...especially since we’ll be renting and probably moving to Portland (which is expensive) it’s causing a lot of stress for me...my anxiety is causing me to overthink. Like. is this somehow a sign that we shouldnt be together? He and I got together before i was even officially divorced (granted he was supposed to just be a confidence boost, not actually a legit relationship..but we fucked up and fell in love) and he has broken up with twice over our three years...the second time really wasnt necessary because he was trying to take care of me, to not cause me to be miserable during his second year of school when he knew I wouldnt be able to see him much and that I am needy, but we ended up doing what I had suggested...which is what we are doing now..being together but living apart. sigh. I don’t know. It’s a lot going on right now. I’m not a fan....everything is super stressful as is...and now all this too...oi oi oi. sigh. it’ll work out somehow...right?

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mha-fanfic-writer · 5 years ago

Text

Dealing with an ex

Bakugou x Reader

TRIGGER WARNING

ATTEMPTED SUICIDE

SELF HARM

ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP(not with bakugou with monoma)

“Can you leave me alone.”you mumbled under you breath looking down. ”Do you want me to punish you (Y/N).”you looked up with terror in your eyes.He really wasn’t giving up.”I told you i want to break up”you said taking a step back.He grabbed your arm and pulled you to his dorm.You knew what was happening,so when you went into the 1-B dorms and got some weird looks,you just looked down at the floor as you walked with him.When you had made it to his dorm you begged him not to but he did any way.you cried and cried. He was beating you.”you need a punishment for trying to leave me.”Please stop I promise i wont do it again.He stopped.”Fine go to your dorm and don't tell anybody.You nodded.You and monama had been dating sense middle school you wanted to break up now be he wouldn't let you.You walked out of his dorm hiding your face,You had so many bruises on your body.Today you had lash marks on your back ,a bleeding lip and a bruise on your face.You had to tell your friends that you messed up trying to train.You walked back into the 1-A dorms.When you were walking to your dorm the common room had all your classmates talking yelling and laughing.You wished you could stay but you just walked past.of course the baku squad saw you they were your closest friends.”Hey (Y/N) were were y-OH MY GOSH WHAT HAPPEN”Mina said running up to you.this got the attention of the whole class.You put on a fake smile and said your usual lie. “I was training and screwed up a move. Im fine-” “bullshit”you were cut of by bakugou lifting your head to get a better look at your face. “someone did this to you,you come back everyday with a new bruise or cut with the same damn excuse. These injures arent from training someone did it.”He said crossing his arms over his chest.”No they were from training”you said trying to hide the surprise in your voice.”oh really so your back bleeding from something hitting you 3 times is training.”he said turning your back towards him.The whole class was watching all worried.”SHIT”is all you said you tried running but bakugou grabbed you arm.You didn't like that it made you think he was going to hurt you.you started crying “PLEASE DONT HURT ME AGAIN I LL DO ANYTHING.”you were on your knees crying.He let go of your arm.The whole class was in shock one of the toughest people they knew was crying on there knees almost begging for there life.the baku squad knelled down to your level.”who did this”Kirisham asked.worry on his face. “ I-I cant s-say h-ell hurt me a-again.” you stuttered.they didn't know you were dating anybody much less Monama. You got up an ran to your dorm room and locked the door.You had promised that you wouldn't do this anymore to yourself but your mom she was gone now.You heard banging on the door you told them that you will be out in a little just give you 2 hours.the banging stopped. You opened your a book,well something that looked like a book it was actually a box.You pulled out a blade and did what you needed to do.Once you were done with that you took of your clothes let your shirt souk in hot water to get the blood off of the shirt.you looked at your body and then looked at your back.The cuts were deep.It looked like a lion had dragged there claws across your back.You didn't expect them to be tat bad but it is what it is.When you got into the shower you felt the burn on your wounds. You covered your mouth trying to yell from the sting.After you were done you looked at your cuts on your arm.They were deep these weren't the only ones there you others from different times still scabbed. You but on a light pink sweater with some jeans wanting to cover your legs and also because your sweats were being washed.you brushed your hair and put it a ponytail your bangs falling on the sides of your face.It had been 2 hours so you knew you had to go out.You opened your door slowly. Once the cost was clear you went to the kitchen.You managed to get passed the common room not being seen.When you passed by you saw everybody sitting on the couch waiting for you.They were worried.Even bakugou and todoroki. When you were in the kitchen you opened the fridge grabbed and apple and when you closed the door you saw a very angry bakugou standing there arms crossed and all. “come on.”you fallowed him leaving the apple on the counter.When you were in the common room everybody was looking at you.”ok mineta isn't here and denki said he could handle it.”Bakugou said taking a seat you sat next to him.”Take off your sweater let us see your cuts.”you didn't want to but you knew you had to other wise he wouldn't stop telling you something,so slowly you took off the sweater when bakugou saw the wounds he was shocked.When everybody saw the shock in his eyes along with worry they knew it was bad. they all got up and looked.You could here some of the girls crying and the guys were just quiet even midoriya was quit. you hid your arms in your lap. “turn around” you heard bakugou say in his monotone voice.You did as he said you were looking down,tears were rolling down your face.He slowly went to grab your arm when hes hand was in your sight and you saw what he wanted to look at,so you just pulled your arms further in between your legs.His eyes widened. “Please i want to help you”He said his tone more caring than usual.Yes bakugou was an asshole most of the time he knew that stuff like this shouldn't be taken lightly.you were about to show him when there was a knock on the doors of the 1-A dormitory. Midoriya went to open the door the next thing you heard was midoriya saying “Monama WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE” when you heard that you grabbed you sweater and went to the door.”Hey what are you doing here”you said in confused and worried tone.”Oh nothing i just wanted to check on you because I saw you were hurt after you were doing some extra training.”He said with a smile looking at you in the eyes as if to intimidate you.”Oh yeah sorry for making you worry we were just having uh..a meeting about school and studying.”you said calmly with a warm smile.If there something you knew how to do it was faking everything.you learned how after the first month if dating him when it all started.He smiled and hugged you patting your back on purpose to see your reaction.Your eyes widened at the sudden contact he then pushed a finger into the wound and whispered”don't tell,love you” you nodded in response. Blinking back the tears.He let go and left. Midoriya saw the whole interaction he didn't notice him hurt you though.You two walked back to the couches.The class was waiting there still bakugou got up.he walked over towards you stopped in front of you.You looked at him and saw what he was looking at.You could see he wanted to see your arms.You lifted your arms knowing that the truth would come out eventually. You pulled your sleeves up.when he saw what you did he called the rest of the bakusquad over.when they saw it they started counting then mina took out a permanent marker and rote 15 on top of your arms.they lifted up there sleeves even bakugou. They all had numbers on there arms.then you saw some scars on all of there arms that were from cuts.the scars were faint but still noticeable. They gave you a smile except bakugou he just looked at you and you could see that he cared in his eyes.you felt tears roll down your face.They gave you a hug.When you guys got back to your places he asked you 1 question. “When did this start all the scars and everything.” he said bluntly.You looked up.”the first year of middle school.” Once again he was shocked.So was the rest of the class.After that very few things changed they always asked if you were ok and occasionally asked you if you ready to talk about who was doing this to you.you were never planing on telling them so the response was “no, not yet.”But with monama things just got worse everyday the beating went from once a week to every 2 days to every single day.It had been one year seance that whole conversation with the class and now you guys were second years you were still going through it, the winter was the worst. Monama spent everyday with you if you said or did something wrong he would hit you.When you went back to school you were pretty much emotionless.the fire in your eyes was completely gone the person they thought was one of the bravest was completely broken.When you walked into the classroom you didn't have any expression on your face.Th class looked at you they’ed never seen you like this.You just bowed and said “Apologizing for being late sensei” this threw him off guard because before you were so lively he told you to sit at your desk staring in disbelief.Yes aizawa could be cold but he was worried.You took your seat witch was the one in front of bakugous.you guys were training for the class it was supposed to be to see how far your quirks were since the last training last year.You were going up ageist kirishima .when aizawa blew the whistle you had no problem beating him 10 seconds in.your quirk was way better than before. Kirishima was suprised.you stopped your quirk and helped him up.When he grabbed your hand he could feel it ice cold.Then he noticed something he didn't before you had bags under your eyes and you looked pale.He was scared not of you but of what happen to you.After training you avoided everybody. You went directly to monama. Who put his arm in between yours and back in his pocket walking with his friends. Kendo was a bit worried but when she asked you smiled and told her you were fine. Tetsutetsu was the only one who knew what was going on but was threatened by monama to the point were he kept his mouth shut.He didn't like what he was ding or what monama was doing to you but he didn't do anything.Every time someone tried to talk to you,yo ran to monama.he patted you no the head and said he loved you but you weren't sure he did.You fell out of love with him years ago.This time he was mad because he found out what the conversation was about when he went to check on you last year.”So you decided to tell them you were getting hurt by someone.huh did you tell them it was me.”he asked pushing you ageist the wall in his dorm.You simply shook your head.He kept you there and punched you in your stomach your face he kissed you but he was biting your lip so hard to the point were it was bedding. You didn't cry and he didn't like that.He took a knife from his drawer turned you around lifted up your shirt and cut open the scars from last year.this earned a yell from you you didn't like it at all.”PLEASE STOP PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU IT HURTS.”you begged and begged but he didn't stop he tied a something around you neck it was suffocating you and you couldn't breath you passed out when you woke up you were on his ben and he was looking at you still mad.He kicked you out of his room .Literally. When you were out side of his room your shirt was bloody and your neck and a red mark around it.When yo looked up you saw tetsutetsu there he was shocked but you got up and asked in a monotone voice “do you have a turtleneck i can use preferably black.” he nodded went back to his dorm and gave it to you.when you went back to your dorm you walked into the common room there you saw people crying.holding each other.”what happen guys”you asked looking at them.They looked at you in disgust. they ignored you and looked away all except for bakugou. When they did this your heart hurt.You didn't think you could feel worse than you already did.Your eyes turned gray you were empty now this was a side affect of your quirk depending on what you felt. you forgot about the pain in your heart.You bowed “I'm sorry for being a burden on all of you guys. ill leave now.” you walked to your room. When you lied on your bed. “Maybe I should die and everybody would be happy.” you said to yourself. “yeah that's best, ill do it tomorrow.” you plugged in your head phones to your phone and listened to music this is how you maintained your sanity.You slowly drifted off to sleep.When you woke up you were late you didn't care though you just put on your uniform and walked to school building.When you walked in you heard whispers from everybody.It didn't bother you.You made your way to the roof at lunch.you took off your shoes and let your hair down.It stated raining and the wind picked up for once you felt at peace.you climbed the fence that want relay that high you sat on it ready to say goodbye. “Goodbye guys i hope your happy now.”you jumped off but you felt something grab your arm.you looked up it was bakugou.”What are you doing here bakugou” you said looking up at him.When your eyes met his you could see the anger the fear the worry the sadness.He pulled you up. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING (Y/N) you don't deserve this,don't you know nobody will ever understand the person you are learn to hold your own hand get your shit together you'll never be what you want not with that face.”he then pulled you in and hugged you.When he looked into your eyes he started crying. “hey its ok dont cry it will be fine” you say putting your hand on his head.He looks at you,you feel something,you don't know what it is but you feel something. He then says, “Im sorry for what im about to do” he said cuffing your face in his hands.He then leans in and kisses you it was a tender kiss.His lips were soft at that moment you felt happy.You closed your eyes and then opened them the color was back,the flame in your eyes returning. You moved you hands to his neck messing with the hair on the back of his neck he then moves his hands to you waist pulling you closer.Once you break apart.You start to cry and hug him.”Thank you” is all you said before pulling him back in for another kiss.You guys staid together for the rest of the day.When you guys went to the common room you were on bakugou's back sleeping your face berried in his neck. He put you on the couch.The rest of the class was surprised.”Bakugou what are doing why are you with(Y/N).”Bakugou then proceeds to tell them what happened on the roof.Midoriya started to cry and so did the some of the others.Bakugou then walked up to you and shook you awake.When you opened your eyes you saw the class there staring at you.you were scared so you turned your back to them bakugou sat on the edge of the couch playing with your hair. “Are they gonna hurt me” you asked looking up at him “No” you got up pulling bakugou up on the couch hiding behind him peaking over his shoulder. “Ok” you responded in a quit voice.They all bowed and apologized to you for hurting you even more.You forgave them. “ ok look I know you wont want to talk about this but you have to.” bakugou said looking at you holding your hand.you nodded.You took a deep breath and explained everything to them when you first started dating monama to the beating to you trying to break up with him the fact that tetsutetsu knew to monama opening your wounds again last night and everything.Bakugou was angry sad hurt and worried.Once you were done he picked you up sat you on his lap and lifted your shirt to see that the wounds had been reopened.He got up he told you to get on his back and you did he said you guys were going to confront him and get him out of the school you were scared so you just stayed quit.you were on 5″0 and he was 5′7 you were really light and short for your age.You told him to wait then you got off of his back ran to your room got a blanket and rapped it around you ran back out and got on his back he tied the corners around his chest and waist that way you were completely hidden.The whole class was planing on going and they did.When once you guys made it to the 1-B dorms the one who opened was keno she was surprised to see all of the class there.She let you in.And there in the common room was there whole class.When monamas eyes landed on you you hid your head in the blanket.”whats up class A” tetsutetsu said “your super unmanly bro” kirishima said. “you need to show them (Y/N)”bakugou said you sighed and slipped out of the blanket.Bakugou nodded at you.you turned around facing him and took off your shirt so the others could see the wounds.The whole class looked in shock and gasped.Monama was going to play it off as if he didn't know asked “how did that happen babe.”well instead of being scared you snaped.you turned and looked at him “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN BY WHAT HAPPEND,YOU DID THIS TO ME.YOU ARE THE REASON I WAS IN PAIN YOU ARE THE REASON I JUMPED OFF THE ROOF,IF BAKUGU WASN'T THERE I WOULD BE DEAD AND IT WOULD BE YOUR FAULT.I WANTED TO BREAK UP WITH YOU A MONTH AFTER WE STARTED DATING BUT YOUR DUMBASS FORCED ME TO STAY WITH YOU FOR ALL THESE YEARS.YOU BROKE ME.I WAS AVOIDING MY FRIENDS BECAUSE OF YOU,BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO GET HURT BUT THERE REALLY WAS NO ESCAPE TO GETTING HURT WITH YOU.I DIDN'T LET PEOPLE TOUCH ME BECAUSE I WAS SO AFRAID OF WHAT YOU DID I THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO DO THE SAME.I AM SO STUPID FOR EVER TRUSTING YOU.i NEVER LOVED YOU I NEVER EVEN LIKED YOU.AND I NEVER WILL YOU FUCKING BASTARD.”you lifted up your sleeves.”I HOPE YOUR HAPPY WITH YOURSELF AFTER ALL OF THIS.YOU KICKED,PUNCHED,CUT,AND BURNED ME FOR EVERYTHING I DID.”he was quit after that kendo spoke up tears in her eyes you two were close you her and monoma had gone to middle school together.”how could you”is all she said.Bakugou was surprised because you weren't one to yell a lot or cuss.Bakugou gave you your sweater.and you put it on.He then started walking towards the monoma. “I don't want you to EVER come near them ever again understood because if i see you enen 10 feet near them i wont hesitate to blow your ass all the way to the moon.”He said in a harsh threatening tone lingering over monoma. You know what just forget about me”monoma said. “how am i supposed to forget you when everytime i go outside i see thing that remind me of you like garbage mins and dog shit”you said with a evil smirk crossing your arms over your chest.That earned laughter from everybody except him.He walked out but nobody noticed that ida went to get the teachers,so when he opened the door he was greeted by a very very angry aizawa.Apparently ida had told the teachers everything you and bakugou said and did plus what he witnessed.Tetsutetsu apologise for not saying anything.You ruffled his hair and said that you didn't mind he wanted to be safe himself along with his family which is what monama said he was going to do something to his family.Kirishima said he was taking points off for not telling him at least but forgave him too.After you all went back to the dorms,recovery girl came to heal yo as best she could.The next day when you woke up you wanted to tell bakugou how you felt about him.But he beat you to it.When you walked out of your dorm he was there.He pulled you close to him by your waist and kissed yo it lasted longer than the other ones you shared with him.you both pulled away to catch your breath. “I love you” is all he said “I love you too”

#bakugou x reader #bakugou fanfiction #katsuki #smut #katsuki bakugo #my hero academia

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martietm · 5 years ago

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hey friends ! it’s ya girl gigi , i prefer she/her pronouns , i’m from the gmt-2 tmz , which tbh , i don’t rly know what it means , and i’m twenty years old , coming out of my hole to introduce u to martina . she’s real dumb but so am i so i feel like we connect over that u know ? anyways , under the cut u will find some more info about her , n if u wanna plot pls smash that like button so i can scream @ u about how high school musical 3 rly was that bitch . yes , thats why it took me so long to get this posted . i have no shame about it .

ariana grande . cisfemale . she&her . ／ martina bianco just pulled up blasting 929 by halsey — that song is so them ! you know , for a twenty five year old singer , i’ve heard they’re really impetuous , but that they make up for it by being so sociable . if i had to choose three things to describe them , i’d probably say old band t-shirts , high ponytail & dirty sneakers . here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble !

𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐒 :

𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 : martina bianco . 𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 : martie exclusively . please call her martie she will not answer if u call her anything else or maybe she’ll just cry abt it . 𝐚𝐠𝐞 : twenty five . 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 : singer / songwriter . 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 : closeted bisexual / biromantic . 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡 : newark , nj . 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 : los angeles , ca / new york city , ny . 𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦 : ariana grande . 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬 : sociable , sincere , clueless , impulsive , unbothered , insecure , funloving , creative , unsure , adventurous .

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 :

martie is the only daughter out of five kids , and she was born to a traditionally italian family , from both her parents’ sides . they weren’t rich but lived comfortably , and had a really big family in general . holidays and birthdays were always huge in her family , and there was usually a funny argument that ended with the grandmas spraying everyone with a water hose . her parents weren’t very happy together , but tried their best to work through their problems and not divorce , since they were very much christians and didn’t really believe in separation . they did eventually divorce though , but only pretty later on in martie’s life .

considering she only had brothers and her mother worked long hours , martie didn’t have a lot of female influences in her life , so she grew up pretty unconcerned about more feminine matters , not because she disliked it but she was just clueless to it . when she grew older , she got a lot more into makeup , but fashion still isn’t her thing . nowadays , she has a personal stylist , but when she dresses herself , martie usually ends up in dirty sneakers and ripped t-shirts .

so , growing up , considering martie wasnt too interested in most of her brothers hobbies , she had to find herself something to do . she tried a great many deal of things , and ended up discovering she loved music , writing song lyrics , playing musical instruments , and singing . considering she was pretty good at it , her parents supported her wishes and paid for singing lessons & bought her a bunch of instruments and all of that .

[ HOMOPHOBIA / BIPHOBIA TW ] so she was pretty happy and chill for her late childhood & early teens , contrary to some of her brothers , martie didnt get in trouble with teachers and was a reasonably good student , so they never worried about her while she was growing up . that pretty much all changed when martie not only came out as bisexual to her family but also told them she was actually in a relationship a girl . her family was very religious so it didn’t surprise her when her mother cried for days & was clearly disappointed , but her dad raged and screamed and threatened her with all kinds of punishments if she didn’t end her relationship and never talked about her sexuality again instead , and his behaviour made her feel so scared that she did end up breaking up with her first girlfriend and didn’t touch the subject of her sexuality for many many years after that . [ END OF TW ]

it caused a huge shift in her family dynamics , unsurprisingly . martie felt like she didnt have a choice but to hide , and she really resented her father for forcing that on her & the rest of the family for giving her almost no support . her brothers tried their best , but it was really hard for all of them to stand up to their father . so she focused a lot on her music , because by then she was sure that it was her way out of that environment that was hurting her so much .

she was picked up by a label when she was 19 , and left her home in newark as soon as she could . choosing to stay with new friends and acquaintances as she worked her way into the music industry . after being featured in a few other artist’s songs & having a first single to become a smash hit ( side to side ) , martie released dangerous woman , her first album that climbed steadily up the charts until she was basically everywhere . it was a very sudden change of environment but she was very happy about it , at least she wasnt stuck around her dad anymore .

however , she is still just as stuck as she was back in her hometown , since once she blew up , her label & management thought it would also be a good idea to hide her sexuality , at least until she was more ‘established’ in the industry . newsflash , its been five years and they still wont let her come out about it . she’s definitely growing impatient , though , so that’s not something that’s gonna be a secret for too long probably . still , there’s not a lot of ppl who know abt her sexuality out there so far .

so , in the five years she’s been famous , martie kept in contact with a few family members , but definitely not her dad . her parents divorced a couple of years after she left , and her mom decided to make more of an effort to be around her & get over her prejudice to support martie’s choices , which helped heal their relationship in ways martie didnt really expect .

considering the career she has now , martie has managed to keep a relatively unproblematic image on the media . she’s had her controversial moments for sure , and there are definitely reasons for people to dislike her , but mostly she gets away unscathed by fans , the media does have a field trip coming up w untrue headlines about her tho .

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 :

okay so , martie is kinda like a not so big kid still ? she’s never had to actually be by herself her entire life , so adulting is something she has a certain difficulty doing . she’s very unbothered about life in general , so something really worrying that mostly everyone would freak out about will rarely ever bother her . but , she will freak out for three days if she gets asked to pay her own bills or something as mundane .

she also kinda lives in her own little world , and in a way , she can be very confident in the aspect of not really bothering about almost anyone’s opinions about her & her actions , if she wants to do something that will make her happy , she won’t really think about it before doing so , so she’s kinda reckless in that way . but she also doubts herself very much when it comes to self worth & like things related to her actual personality . we love multifaceted muses am i right ? lmao

martie is great to make friends with , she will pretty much get along with everyone ? is a super social being , loves being surrounded by people , probably has a bunch of her friends living with her because she just doesn’t like being alone .

loves working ! spends almost her entire free time in the studio , if u haven’t seen her in three days chances are she’s trying to finish a song . can get a little lost on it though so she definitely needs some looking after when she gets into songwriting mode .

overall a disaster child ? doesn’t know how to function but tries her best & isn’t that all we can ask ?

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 :

a secret relationship with a girl , work collaborators , a pr relationship , exes , the first love from high school maybe ? , roommates , best friends , protective friendships , good influences , bad influences , smth based on ghostin’ by ari , something based on you should be sad by halsey .

#excess:intro #um this took me a Minute #im sorry pls enjoy this late mess

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hqkennedy-blog · 5 years ago

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* breathes .. i wish me and introductions could be the best of friends but , it seems like they hate my guts and in return i hate theirs asdfj . hi hello you pretty people , im gi and well ?? i’ve had my eye on this group for a minute .. so my excitement level ? through the roof . kennedy is a revamped ? ish ?? muse who i cannot wait to dig deeper into and develop . on that note ? if you want to know a little more about her , just keep on swimming ,,, i mean reading . and afterwards i demand you love her and plot with me ( pretty please )

ʻ / let me introduce you to a prized member of our co-ed dance team , kennedy leavitt . this cis female scorpio has been a student at our institution for six years and is currently a twenty year old sophomore . through the halls , she has always reminded me of madison beer , but there is always more than meets the eye , like the fact that she covered for her best friend by announcing to the cops that the drugs they found in their car did not belong to them but to her instead knowing her father would be able to make any and all consequences disappear which he did but followed by him forbidding her from seeing them anymore . coral cape has made their future just as bright as their smile , i assure you . ʼ

* p r o s o p o g r a p h y

trigger warning !!! mention of cancer !!

stranded at the age of six , a stuffed elephant in hand and confusion lingering on skin . small glimpses of a angelic features to ease the never ending tears that swam in honeyed hues . too young to understand the concept that she had not been stranded due to lack of love nor a lack of want but because of the inability to care for the small child . a clock that was running out , and a vengeful cancer that did not care for the butterfly kisses or midnight snacks as they watched the stars . a child needing their mother meant nothing to such a disease .

was put , or more so forced , in the care of her father . the man who looked down at her with guilt dancing in his hues and cold features that made her want to flinch . the reality was , olly leavitt originally wanted nothing to do with the life he helped create . fell into the cliche category of the rich man sleeping with his twenty something assistant getting her pregnant only to try to pay her to get rid out of the fetus and when that failed ? he paid her to never spill that it was his . and louise did , she raised the ebullient baby for six years until she realized six years was all she would be able to spend with her . and then she fell at the feet of a selfish man she once loved and begged him to take their baby under his care , to give her everything she could not do .

a public figure , drenched in sovereignty and affluence . was in no position to deny a child of his , especially when that child had a dead mother . used it and kenny in his advantage , concealing his own guilt and projecting disgust . magazine covers and interviews about the tragic sob story , kissed her cheek in front of the cameras and spoke with such empathy when ears were tuned in ... but in private ? created distance and threw money at her as though there was a number he could hit to fill the void she had .

has ‘ it all ‘ , so outsiders say . bat their eyes and make comments about how she’s destined to do great things . lives in that beautiful and just so expensive house , and she drives the 2020 lamborghini , and have you seen her feed ? captivating smiles as she poses with her best friends , and i heard she just took a family vacation to monaco . got that dress made personally for her by versace , and doesn’t she got to that prestigious school ? the privilege of being privilege , she should shut up and just be happy she is where she is . broken hearts heal ... and if it doesn’t ? eventually that cold feeling becomes a friend .

* r u m i n a t i o n

laughter falls from her mouth like its her own language . ebullience , the chatter bug that has the ability to ramble until she’s threatened ( by an older brother of course ) . affectionate , has digits that are constantly reaching for another hand to hold . a habit of letting fingertips dance across bare skin , or a head that constantly needs a shoulder to lean on . warmth , makes her feel not so lonely . is in her head too much , the type of girl that stares at the night sky and wonders why the stars make her feel so small . inherited her fathers impulsive ways and her mother’s trait to love even when it hurts . triggers that silence in her that desperately holds on to people to make her feel something , and when that’s not enough her careless and adrenaline seeking nature kicks in to cause chaos make her feel alive . fears people leaving her just like she see’s her father in every flaw she has . toxic in the way she has the urge to pull back every time she gets too close . uses gregariousness to hide her greatest heart ache of feeling disposable . selfish in wanting to leave a mark on everyone . dramatic like she should of dropped out of college and ran to broadway instead . loyal like she’s trying to make up for every betrayal you have ever had .. emotional enough to crawl into your lap ( intoxicated ) and cry about all of her worries . silly to the point you can’t help but laugh before letting , ‘ what’s wrong with you ‘ fall from your lips . so captivating you want to drown in her no matter the consequences that follow .

* h e a d c a n o n s - i s h

has a obsession with nails , long acrylic’s so pretty you could cry .

always has her toes painted , her go to color being white swears it makes her feel more elegant .

did cheer leading and only settled on dance because it felt most familiar to her though she did play soccer for three years .

could eat waffle fries for the rest of her life and never complain .

has three cars , and a bit of a obsession with them in general .

eats pineapple like it’s her life support .

is musically talented , not just vocally but plays the piano too . her mother taught her .

has three half siblings , and she would take a bullet for any of them .

is close to her step mom , and without her ? would of tried to get removed from her fathers custody the minute she was old enough to do so .

has a aunt on her mother side that lives close by , she often spends time at her place ..

* w a n t e d c o n n e c t i o n s

ex best friend , the person who her secret is related to . i assumed she would have just cut them off instead of telling them what’s really going on , but of course we can work that all out .

current best friend , the cristina to her meredith . one of the few who really knows kenny . platonic soulmates .

partner in crime , they enable one another .. there’s no way around it but despite their bad habits they have a solid friendship . if one of them needed bail money the other would be there ( sometimes right beside them )

the friend group , who doesn’t love a little squad goal moment . they’re just cute and close friends who are always with each other .

childhood / family friend .

tutor(s) .

first love .

on and off friendship .

toxic relationship .

teammates .

friends with benefits ( who sweaaaar they dont have feelings for each other )

ex friends with benefits .

close friends .

friends who are drifting apart .

will they wont they .

unlikely friends .

confidant .

people who she doesnt like and people who dont like her .

anything forbidden ( friendship or relationship )

honestly ?? anything and everything please .

#capecoral:intro #tw: mention of cancer #let me apologize ahead of time for this MESS

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its-3am-sadness · 4 years ago

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getting lost up in the past— this is what I found

Friday February 1st, 2013:

ugh..im sitting in third hour..i wanna cry, but i cant theres to many people..

can anyone really save me? ..no.. noone ever can.. i just wanna be happy, truely always happy.. )': ughhhhhhhhhhhh! i gotta go..

Monday February 4th, 2013:

holy shit that was a longg weekend.. i almost cut saturday.. i got a new razor & everythingg.. Jake told me to go chuck itt in the snow, soo i did, but then on sunday i went & found itt.. soo i have itt in my ipod case like my other one.

I stayed up till 3 saturday nightt watching 'Enchanted' i love that movie now (: and i sent Jake a 7 and a 9 page text.. he was asleep though..but his best friend is a girl & i have nothing at all against that, i don't have a reason to hate her at all, i havent even met her, but i still am so super jealous.. i hate that they hang out and slepover together and i dont know, i trust him.. but look what happend with the last guy, i trusted him with all my heart, i never thought he would cheat on me and he ended up fucking his ex-girlfriend and lying about it.. im so scared.. i dont wanna be here.. i was thinking saturday & yesterday how i wish i was single just so i don't have to be so paranoid..but i love being around Jake that i wouldnt dream of ending it..

Shawntay said i should tell him about how i feel with him & his besty, but i idont wanna be the dumb bitchy girlfriend who is all 'you cant talk to girls-blahh blahh blahhk' shitt, ya know?? So ima just leave it to myself because i don't care..

im really trying not to cut.. Tabby (my ex's girlfriend) told me that it takes 21 days to break a habbit & we both last cut on the 22nd, soooo we'll see how that goes..

on wednesday it'll be me & jake's 4 months.. & next thursday is valenitines (how ever you spell itt) day and i wanna get him something.. hmm..

my tits now have names.. right one is Adam & the left is Ryder (:

I love him, my baby. <3 soo much.. </3

Wednesday February 6th, 2013:

today is 4 months with my baby!! i love him sooo much. dude. <3 he is so amazingg. i just want to push him in the snow and kiss him and be crazy. i am crazy about him.. like super crazy aboutt him. <3 i dont wantt him to be taken awayyy! ):

Hunter said he was going to ask me out last week on friday on the bus.. god he's a douche.. he broke my heart so many countless times and just left.. and my ex. my good lord, he is such a dick. im sick of them both fucking with my head and heart. ive moved on and it Shawntay's words 'have a new life with a better guy'.. god i love her. i dont know where i would be right now if it werent for her.. <3 i love you shawny'z forever <3

Friday February 8th, 2013:

well..i almost cut last nightt, i didnt but i was aboutt to.. im not taking my meds, im just throwing them in a bag & ima sell them.. they weren't working anyway soo..

Im seriously so sccared that Jake's going to leave me.. even though he says he's not going to an yada yada yada, but still.. im paranoid.. it's just who i am... i love him with all my heart though.. ya know??

im diguesting..im a whore..a damn slut.. in love with a guy who prolly cant stand me.. im fucking pathetic.. why..why..why would, HOW could anyone like me, or put up with me.. i mean, what the hell..im a little ugly bitch. a fat, pathetic, stupid, idiotic, loud, sluty little damn bitch...fuckkkkkkkk.