#only half done but i wanted to post augh

[texastendy-29]

I HATE THIS STUPID TWINK

[cutely-inserts-my-opinion]

//Spoilers for todays (Halloween) ep bee tee dubs and also this is going to be an angry rant, terribly sorry but I need to get this out there.// Nexus's death was so nothing. He better not be genuinely gone forever because that was the embodiment of "go girl, give us nothing" They've been building up all of these confrontation scenes with Nexus and the rest of the family and implied he still cares about them, outright stating it half the time AND THEY DID NOTHING WITH IT?? Sure you can make the argument that he was just manipulating them and he didnt mean it but that genuinely makes his character so flat and boring?? He still cared about Sun and knew Sun still cared about him and when Sun kills him we don't get any dramatic fuckin scene between them while Nexus was dying? We get nothing from Solar? You know, his closest friend? Nothing? He's just chilling there?? Are you serious??? I need someone to write something that's actually going to make me emotional and post it onto ao3 immediately because that was so genuinely unsatisfying. He is my favorite character. I wanted this to hurt. It's been built up for over a month and this is what we get? fr?

God, go off hon

Cause honestly what the actual fuck

I cant even

Augh

The only thing keeping me to this show are the concepts and the people

Im done with canon

Officially

Holy FUCK

[wachtelspinat]

hi! i found your blog like an hour ago (though i've been familiar with your art for a /long/ time; when i read that ask you got earlier about you being THE tf2 artist, i thought to myself, "wow, really? the only tf2 art i can think of that's deserving of that description is [vividly pictures YOUR fanart]" -- so when i checked your art tag it was genuinely like encountering a celebrity, heh. all this to say, you really ARE The TF2 Artist. it's an honor to finally properly follow your blog :]). i've been reading your posts about your personal journeys (both physical and emotional/self-conceptual) and i've just been... really really moved by it all? your openness with feeling disconnected with your art, and then how you've slowly come to reconnect with it in a new way and restructure it back into your life... it just fills me with so much catharsis and hope. because life is hectic and things change so much and the way that one creates art as an adult is going to be different than how one created art as a teenager... so to see you acknowledge that fact and then share your own journey? ahh god like i said... it's really profound. i'm a lot younger than you (i turn 20 next month, actually!), so you've experienced so much more to life than me, and hearing how you've struggled with and then gotten out of so many of the fears that i have is just... deeply, deeply inspiring to me. especially your latest posts about your time in australia, and how it's always been something you've wanted to do but spent so many years stuck/anxious/stagnant... and how now you've finally actually *done it* and it's *real* and that you had the most amazing incredible time that exceeded all your expectations?!?! and not only that, but how finally achieving this thing you've always wanted changes the narrative of how you previously defined yourself... that now maybe you ARE the sort of person who can do the things you love and have the things that make you happy... maybe i'm projecting too much here heh god but my point is. it just made me very emotional and so VERY very utterly elated for you :'] and just augh. i am so glad you've had this incredible experience. and like i've said half a dozen times by now (because it's just so true) it is just. so inspiring to me. everything you've shared with such honesty and humanity has been just so profoundly moving to see and it fills me with so much hope. thank you for sharing your journey with us, and thank you as always, past and present and future, for your art. i hope this message isn't too terribly parasocial, and if it is, i apologize ;_; and i hope you're having a lovely day!!!

hey there !

this kind of hit me like a truck but in the most positive way, and i am not exaggerating when i say what you wrote also brought me to tears.

first of all thanks for your generous words regarding my art and sdkjfhkjas i still cannot wrap my head around the idea that you (and at least one other person) thinks about me as THE tf2 artist because... i like my art just fine, it's just there are other folks out there, with their almost god-like tf2 art, meanwhile i just spammed y'all with my sniperxspy art and some random silly stuff over the years... but i love it, so thank you so so much, the thought that you guys dig my art this much will always knock me right off my feet in the most positive way 🧡🧡🧡

ok so, the next part took me a while to formulate because how do i respond to such a heartfelt message in a way that shows my gratitude just right? like i want to thank you again for reaching out and writing all this, but also for taking your time and reading through my blog. i know that everything i post here is open to the internet and a lot of ppl, so sharing personal information (in form of updates in life) is not always the best idea. but i always admired ppl on here that were able to reflect on their lives and share what they've learned. even if it's just somethig as simple as "and after each day comes another and it will be different, for the worse or the better, but different at least", which, falling on the right ears at a specific time, can change perspective (it did for me on multiple occasions, this and other takes, because hearing from ppl who go through similar things is a sad reality, but also such a connecting experience). so in a way, sharing is caring, and so talking about life experiences, especially when they are kind of abstract, like art blocks, depressions, can really open some unexpected doors.

so what also happened after being open about vulnerable situations in life was ppl reaching out. and this was really something that left me so speechless. i had several ppl who took their time and wrote to me about their experiences and ways of coping strategies and other helpful actions. and sometimes they just acknowledged what i wrote which was such a warm gesture that made me feel seen. and i cannot put into words how much that meant to me when i felt at my lowest a few years back. let's be honest for a second, on here we hardly know each other, even if we are mutuals, but that doesn't stop us from reaching out to one another because that is such a big part of the human experience.

sorry for rambling but it is hard, at least for me, just trying to fully grasp it all. it makes me so happy to read that catching up on the things i wrote about my life resonated with you on a deeper level and that it gave you something back in exchange - catharsis and hope. i am deeply touched by your words and your ability to grasp the essence of what i tried to convey, it feels almost surreal to have it summarized and reflected so clearly when my original thoughts were scattered all over my blog over a span of multiple months, years even. like, really, thank you so much for all of this, the time and thoughts you put into your message, your genuine expression of your feelings and joy on my behalf, it means a lot and i fail to put my thanks into words, idk... i feel seen again. and no worries, i don't think this is too parasocial, after all i put my thoughts out there, and you just happened to read them 🧡

so again and again, thank you so much, and i also hope you have a lovely day <3

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

2024 AO3 Wrapped - For Writers

Taking a page out of @frownyalfred's bag and am compiling the stats that are most interesting to me (from various wraps I've seen) rather than using any one set template. I'm also going to stick to published stats because I've written chapters for Like the Cryptkeeper that have not published yet, in addition to a few WIPs I've gotten stuck in.

Works Published: ~12

Includes two works started in an earlier year but finished this year and one work started this year but not yet finished. Read all twelve-ish here.

Chapters Published: 18

The majority of my fics were single-chapter one-shots. Not all, though.

Words Published: 45,970

Hits: 29,829*

Comments: 649*

Kudos: 4,817*

Bookmarks: 1,230*

These last four stats I find interesting from a statistical perspective but also maddening, and I'm hoping one of you out there knows a trick. Because these three numbers are wrong.

Firstly, they include all hits/comments/kudos for Hey, Sister, but I wrote and posted half of that in 2022, so some of these are 2022 stats. Same goes for Nowhere Safer, which first posted near the end of 2023 but concluded in 2024! Augh.

And secondly, if I filter my stats down to 2024, it only shows me hits, comments, and kudos given to fics from 2024. My 2024 fics are little babies. Not only are they new and therefore less well-known, but they're also significantly shorter than, for example, The Return and Nature & Nurture.

AO3 is an archive. My older fics are FAR more popular than my shiny new fics! I WANT MY ACCURATE STATS. /endrant

Top Relationship: Dick Grayson & Jason Todd (3)

Shocking. Genuinely stunning. This wholly comes down to me getting really interested in some of the relational mechanics between Dick and Jason and churning out a bunch of fics for Whumptober about exactly that. ("A bunch," I say. Three. I mean three.)

Top Tag: Grief/Mourning (4)

If I exclude the Whumptober tag, grief/mourning was my #1. I'm not sure why.

Fic With Highest Stats:

Because I don't know how to properly segment Hey, Sister or Nowhere Safer, I'm going to present stats with and without that those involved. Stuff with multiple BatKids likely would have done really well even without the multi-year spread, but I can't prove it.

Hits: Hey, Sister (or Nowhere Safer or Like the Cryptkeeper)

Kudos: Hey, Sister (or Nowhere Safer or Open Line)

Comments: Like the Cryptkeeper

Bookmarks: Nowhere Safer (or Open Line)

Fic I'm Proudest Of:

I'm always proud of all of my fics but I am particularly proud of:

Like the Cryptkeeper because it's been a bit since I've done a fic longer than two chapters (we'll see how proud I am if I stall on my current chapter for much longer)

The morning and what came after because it was deeply angsty and made me cry

Searchlight Burning because @audreycritter said it was one of the best "Bruce returns to Gotham pre-Batman" fics she's ever read and I want to die with that on my tombstone

Fic I Wish Received More Attention: Searchlight Burning

Y'all are allergic to Alfred fics and it's such a pity.

WIPs Still Sitting In Drafts: 3.5

lol. Okay so of actual "things I actually attempted or am attempting to write" drafts, as opposed to just ideas, I am sitting on:

The rest of Like the Cryptkeeper

A mega-angsty little thing I've been poking at for a couple years

A Dick & Jason fic I started for Whumptober and got stuck on

An Alfred POV for The Rain Again that I started, had to back out of when it wasn't right, and if I ever use again will need to be for an entirely new scenario—hence the .5

Given Or Received Gifts: 3 received, 0 given

More indicative of my pre-Whumptober writing slump than anything else

Learn Anything New?

It was such a relief to finally feel like I got a little bit more of a handle on Dick. I didn't expect that this year.

I noticed while drafting Cryptkeeper that Jason was being VERY sweary in a way I don't usually write that felt appropriate and inappropriate for the setting at the same time. I finally realized my own internal distinction that he tends to stick to lesser swears when communicating verbally, while his own internal monologue will have a lot more f-bombs.

I love the "Batkids trust Bruce enough to crawl into his bed after a nightmare" but it's a trope that only ever squared with me in an uncomplicated way for Dick. I didn't see Jason falling into it without hesitation even as a younger kid and I really couldn't see Tim doing it, except for maybe much, much, MUCH later. I liked being able to solidify the uncomfortable middle ground for myself in Nowhere Safer.

It's not new knowledge that getting Jason and Bruce to talk honestly to each other is a difficult thing, but MAN has Cryptkeeper really driven it home. Yikes.

2025 Aspirations Or Goals:

Finish Like the Cryptkeeper.

Beef up some of my other pairings. I do want to keep writing my most delicious faves, but I'd like to explore some different combinations.

Tied to that, I'd like to build out my own understanding of some other characters within the Wayne universe. Steph and Duke remain a cipher to me, but so does Kon and Jon and Lois. I don't know that I would write more about them, but understanding them is at least more in that direction.

Tied to that, I'd like to find more new-to-me authors to read. My fic reading has fallen off a cliff for various reasons, but it's always a thrill to find talented writers who tackle the Fam in a cogent and engaging way.

Not necessarily specific to 2025, but I've never officially collaborated on a fic with anyone. That might be fun.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

OK OK OK OK OK. wibby thoughts. wibby bisection thoughts. we could just like vivisect him this time. fucking shit like that. have his guts and stuff all over the forest.

as i've said ummm. fucking around with passengers Is gonna come up a bit at some point (doesn't feel like a spoiler to say? i mean. bonesaw is Literally Here) so i won't say much, but bonesaw literally does say in snare 13.9:

so. yeah!!!!!!!!!! yeah!!!!!!! that could fucking happen!!! if the trickster has control over someone like bonesaw who is capable of doing that!! (would he Want to though? there's no like. secret well of planeswalking power in him here. would he just do it for fun????!!!!) and. ough. ok. let this one cook for a while ok there's a part u need to get to in worm that's relevant. i think this could go very hard i like it a LOT but i legally can't talk about it very much!!!!

ALSO. as i just made a post about. he could literally just get trapped in muse's area of effect during this final battle and get. um. well. really anything could happen to him. honestly the pulling him in half clicks really fucking well with this i think because that really does feel like some cartoon nightmare shit.... get yoinked!! & because it's dream logic he could still get put back together just as easily... he could be like. alive and aware the whole time it's happening. u know. wheezing bloody exposed lungs that aren't Working and aren't Doing anything and they should have stopped by now his heart is fallen out it should be stopped but it's still squeezing and his eyes are still moving etc. this would also be like. reminiscent of his trigger event (laying helpless and paralyzed and in immense pain for many hours in the middle of the woods that want to kill him). ik u have second trigger thoughts. shrug!! maybe ashe has a moment of lucidity before the field drops and goes OHHH GOD OH FUCK because wraith is just. strewn across the ground torn apart like a doll that yr dog got to. etc etc etc.

ANYWAY. thats what ive got so far what have u got!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 👀👀👀👀👀

AHA. YEAH. LITERALLY WIBBY FRIDGE IN THE FOREST. okay okay okay we are cooking we are in the kitchen together just throwing ingredients into the soup. I'm obv not going to comment on the passengers thing until I read some more of worm (btw quick side note the s9 had a cameo in the last interlude I read and I got so ridiculously happy to see them again. extremely nervous about yhem cloning themselves (???????) though. although i kind of hope they are so that it'll give me more ideas about tide. anyway.)

HOWEVER. I DO REALLY REALLY LIKE THE GETTING CAUGHT IN THE BLAST ZONE VIBE but something that hits so hard about that event in canon is just. how. Direct And Personal it seemed. like. he Did That while holding him in the air and telling him to not be afraid bc it'll all be over soon. that's so much. I love the wibby getting caught in the fucked up breaker effect but also i think it should be DIRECTED at him. reasoning behind this i don't know why yet. but I'm sure we can think of something sufficiently harmful.

god dude i didn't even CONSIDER the dream logic of it all. we literally don't even have to kill wibby we can just have him awake and alive and aware of it all. wow! awesome! and dakota can try to push him back together and he would be aware of this and trying to talk to him but his fuckign. everythign is ripped open so he can't exactly talk now can he !!!

I do have SO MANY second trigger thoughts and I do think this is so fucking perfect as a second trigger moment exactly bc of what u said abt laying helpless (ESPECIALLY if we have dakota trying to fix him because. hey he didn't trigger the first time until people came to get him. lol. lmao, even.) and i HAVE actually put a good amount of thought into what his powers would look like after this but i cant tell u until youre done w pd AUGH. also hey having ashe be lucid for a second sucks even more because he'd drop the breaker effect. the only thing that could feasibly put wibby back together in this state is ALSO the breaker effect. so he fucking panics because hey wow i just did this and the only way to fix it or undo it is to . go back to being a horrible little puppet or whatever. do u know what I mean

side note I think wibby needs to have a brutal gross awesome scar from this. i can't talk more about this until you finish 39. smile !!!!!!!!!! what the fuck dude.

[ask-robokasa-and-rui]

Lore Post//

It was close to midnight. Rui stayed up late to do some machine sketches. But really, the reason he was staying up so late was because he was still worried about Nene. He hasn't seen her since Mizuki died. He was getting worried.

Nene...be safe...

He was lost in his thoughts when his eyelids felt heavy. He slowly gave in and fell asleep.

He wakes up to an...unfamiliar place.

Hng...w-where am I...?

Rui gets uo and looks around. He recognizes this place as a backstage to a stage. But from where?

What is this place...?

Rui's ears then catch something. Music? Singing? He approaches the stages entrance, and peeks at the stage. On the stage were three robots. He could only recognize one of them. Tsukasa. One of the others was pink and the other was blue.

Daisy! Daisy! Give me your answer do! I'm half crazy! All for the love of you!!

It won't be a stylish marriage!! I can't! Afford! A carriage!!

Suddenly, Tsukasa's head snapped and it looked at Rui dead in the eye with void eyes.

Gah-!

But you look sweet.

The other two robots did the same.

Upon the seat.

Then the audience joined.

Of a bicycle built for two....

....what's going o-

Rui felt two hands on his face.

You're perfect...you need to join them! You must...join them.

Join us Rui Kamishiro.

...!!!

Then fingers digged Rui's skin.

No..

They dragged it...

No no no...! Stop!!

And ripped his skin apart.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! AUGH!!! AAAAUGH!!!! IT HURTSS!!!!

Suddenly a huge, hard force hit his head.

AUGH!!!

Rui was able to look up. Only to see a girl holding a hammer.

S-STOP!

The girl hit him again.

AAAAUGGH!!!

And again.

AAAUGH!!!

Again.

AUGH...Stop...stop...

The girl hit the final blow.

Rui was in so much pain. But he felt it slowly go away. He looks up to see he was in a pitch dark place with only a mirror in front of him. Rui shakily got up and went over to the mirror. When he looked at it, nothing was there.

Where am I....?

When he spoke, his eyes widened. He sounded very distorted. Almost...robotic. Rui placed his hand on the mirror only to be met with his own reflection. But it was different. He wasn't the same anymore. He wasn't RUI anymore. He was met with a robot version of himself. Rui was shocked. He placed a hand on his face, only to feel a hard, metalic surface.

....!!! No...no...

AAAUGH!!!!!! Huh-?!

He wakes up on his desk.

Heavy breathing...

Rui?! Is everything okay?!

T-Tsukasa...? Oh thank goodness...it was just a nightmare...

Oh...Night-mare! You mean like...dream but homicidal?

...yeah.

Well...don't stay up so late!! If you want I can sing you a lullaby to sleep!!

No need...I'll get to bed myself...

...Must've been a wild dream...?

Yeah...

Hm...

Tsukasa looks at the clock. It was close to midnight.

It's almost midnight! You should sleep!

I will Tsukasa...I will...

I'm just wo-...wowiowowowriiiiied!!!

Oh god you're getting all wacky again!!

Sororosoaoeoryyrroeoairory!!

Don't talk will ya... turn around so I can fix it.

BLEGH!!

Tsukasa threw up black ooze. It also came from his eye. The one with the star.

Bleeegh!!

Oh god...it's even worse now!

R...Ui...uii...!!

Hang on! Hang on! I'm fixing it!

Aauugh....it hurts...

Done!

The ooze stops leaking.

Blegh! Ow...

You good?

No...

Sigh...well...I'm going to sleep!

Can I sleep next to you? I-Incase you get a nightmare again!

...sure.

Tags: @aspenii @bobcross1010 @blankblyke @mizuribbons @mai-mai-mai @kusanagi-nene-official-mod @kiwi-does-stuff @scodscod @delartz @m3sm3r1s3r-m1ku

[nyakuroji]

Prompt requests I see +v+

Hm... FumiIyo go to the movies.

ok i still dont know how to write romance so bare with me here lol, also posting this to my drabbles fic

“Well it looks like we’re done with work for today.” Iyozane said, it had been a rather busy day at Fumikado’s office. 

“Augh, finally! Who knew running for office would take so much work anyways?” Fumikado said with a rather dramatic tone.

“What’d ya think you were getting into anyways?” Tsugumi sarcastically replied.

“I didn’t think it’d take this much paperwork.” Fumikado said.

“Why don’t we do something fun then?” Iyozane suggested, “It is a bit late but I’m sure we can think of something.”

“Hmm, maybe go to that restaurant downtown?” Fumikado suggested.

“I donno, I’m not really hungry.” Tsugumi said, “Unless you two are?”

“Mm, no I’m not actually hungry now that I think about it.” Fumikado replied.

“Wait, if you’re not hungry then why did you even suggest it?” Iyozane asked. “Oh whatever, what about a movie or something? I don’t know what they have at the theater but I’m sure they’ll have something interesting playing.”

“I don’t see why not.” Tsugumi said.

“Well it’s settled then, we're going to the movies!” Fumikado said cheerfully.

They were in the theater lobby looking at the list of movies they were going to play, there weren’t many movies playing at this hour of night, however.

“Hmm, what do you think about ‘Horror of the BatWolf’?” Iyozane asked. 

“It’s probably some old cheesy horror movie, I mean it has horror in that name!” Fumikado said.

“Well no duh it’s a horror movie, but it’s probably better than whatever ‘Spacetime Shenanigans’ is.” Tsugumi said, “Actually look at the time on that it looks like it's five hours long? How do you even make a movie that long?”

“Oh damn you’re right. Well, I guess you never know what’ll happen when it comes to movies.” Iyozane said.

“Guys the batwolf movie starts in like ten minutes, let's get our tickets already!” Fumikado urged them to get a move on. 

It didn’t take long for the movie to start playing once they got to their seats, there weren’t many people there as to be expected for a movie playing this late. Even though they were cutting it close already they did want to get some popcorn before the movie started. Iyozane was tasked with being the popcorn holder as they had sat in between Fumikado and Tsugumi. The movie finally began, and it certainly wasn’t what they expected. The first half of the movie was your run of the mill monster movie, there was a werewolf and a vampire tormenting the cast of run of the mill horror movie teens. But the second half of the movie is where things got interesting, the one remaining teen started to have some sort of romantic tension between both the werewolf and the vampire at different points in the movie. 

“What the hell is going on?” Fumikado whispered to Iyozane.

“Honestly, I have no idea.” Iyozane chuckled. Tsugumi had taken the bag of popcorn at this point and wasn’t sharing any of it but the other two either didn’t notice or were so engrossed in the movie that they didn’t care.

At the end of the movie right as it seemed like the protagonist was going to have to decide between the werewolf and the vampire it’s revealed that the two monsters were actually one in the same! Who could have guessed this twist?

“What ‘n tarnation is going on in this movie?” Tsugumi said bewilderedly.

“They were the same person-monster-thing the whole time??” Fumikado said sharing the same sentiment as Tsugumi.

“Why did they get together anyways?” Iyozane asked the only reasonable question at this point.

The three of them left the theater way more confused than they could have anticipated. Fumikado and Iyozane looked at each other and just started laughing at the absurdity of the movie they’d just watched.

“I mean, hehe, if you wanted, keheheh, I could be your bat-wolf-monster thing.” Fumikado said.

“No...” Tsugumi didn’t like where this was heading.

“Oh sure, eheh, as long as you-” Iyozane was cut off.

“Oh, no no no, I am not dealin’ with you two.” Tsugumi said before they left.

The two of them weren’t really sure what to say next. 

Fumikado was the first to speak up, “So uhh, you wanna go to my place or..?”

“Sure, you know I’d love to.” 

“Great!” The two of them left after that and continued the night at Fumikado’s house.

[teddypoi-qd]

20 Questions for Writers

eeee thanks for the tag @fuckyeahfang!! <3 i'm gonna tag @maraschinomerry if u wanna (no pressure tho!)

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 31! Dang I've been writing fic for a second and a half huh (Note: one of these fics is not mine lol -- I posted it for a friend without AO3)

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 77,138 -- waough

3. What fandoms do you write for? Whatever's rotting my brain most at the moment -- I had a long streak of Critical Role, which went into TMA, and I have a feeling Dunmeshi might get a few fics by the time it's done with me; also original stuff but I don't post that

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

My Lightbringer - 4,891 Hits, Critical Role

[incoming communication] - 3,018 Hits, Lifeline

little blue pills - 2,919 Hits, The Magnus Archives

The Hands-On Approach To Teaching Dunamantic Spells: A Guide by Essek Thelyss (Results may vary) - 2,271 Hits, Critical Role

Shitty Hair - 1,190 Hits, My Hero Academia

5. Do you respond to comments? I try, I really do, but sometimes I'll see one and be like "I'll reply to that later!" and then I don't and then it's been 2 years and I feel bad for replying so late that I just don't 😭 But I do read and appreciate them all I prommy

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? this would require me to finish fics EVER lmao... but seriously probably (Don't) Look Away. Do NOT read this if you haven't played Outer Wilds, but DO go and play Outer Wilds, and THEN read this.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Probably [incoming communication]? It's definitely the ending I'm most proud of -- it's very self indulgent, but I'm fond of it :"

8. Do you get hate on fics? nah people tend to be chill

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Sometimes, but not often, and I post it even less often. I prefer reading it to writing it, but I do like tossing around ideas I'll never write about the characters' weird and intriguing kinks lmao

10. Do you write crossovers? I don't tend to, unless they're incredibly funny to me. Reading-wise, crossovers just annoy me because there's 2x the chances for mischaracterisation/misunderstanding of the setting(s), but sometimes a really good one can scratch my brain.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not to my knowledge!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Not into another language, but I have had a podfic made of Cabin Fever -- which was great since it was a scriptfic anyway! It's really well made, go give it a listen!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Quite a few! Not in a while, but it's fun to work with someone whose brain ticks in synch with mine about a character or ship. I actually started dating my current partner in part because we were talking about a fic we wanted to write together! We'll get to it one day, and get sooo much hate about it it's quite fucked up LMAO

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? MAN. YOU CAN'T ASK ME THIS. it's like picking children. uhhh Shadowgast (Critical Role) is up there for All Timers but they are def not the only one. Probably the one I've thought most about, but now I'm thinking about Blupjeans (TAZ)... JMart.... augh. i love when people love each other despite the very terrible consequences

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? little blue pills! It's a fun concept -- I love fucking with the very rubbish trope of soulmate AUs and making them Weird and Queer, but I am not great at finishing projects and I have also cooled slightly on TMA since I started it.

16. What are your writing strengths? big emotions! being purple prose but like good about it! Weird People.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? finishing things, plotting, writing convincing dialogue -- yknow, just little things (🥲)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? It can be done well, but it needs to be considered deeply. Also, used sparingly. I like throwing in terms of endearment in other languages, but when it's whole conversations, it's not fun to be checking google translate/the AN every five seconds.

19. First fandom you wrote for? the first one that's still up? Layton Brothers! the first ever? harry potter 😔

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? i hate favourite questions i hate favourite questions uHHHHHH You Were My Conscience. fucked up monster lovers trying to moralise their way out of being responsible for a man's mental breakdown <3

thanks again for the tag sunny i love u mwah

[starrysmiling]

(threateningly) all the numbers

i have been threatened.

How many words have you written this year? published total on ao3 is about 33k, but if i add all the unpublished stuff the total is just over 70k! i sure wrote a lot of stuff i won't publish this year LMAO

How many works did you publish this year? 4 (salute emoji)

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)? finishing steps v2...! it adds a lot of canon exploration and also fern character study which was fun to write and really satisfying to get out!

What work of yours has the most hits? from this year it's steps because i didn't publish anything that wasn't unbound but is it cheating if like half of its 600 hits were from last year. haha. haha

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected? i actually didn't get that much feedback at all from anyone who wasn't already a friend so i guess i'll have to work harder for that. nobody new commented on anything that i published this year and i didn't get a single reblog note so... (shrugs) but there was a nice comment i got about steps taking liberties with the post-canon which made me very happy...!

Favorite title you used i'll post this later this month but 'one step at a time' as a half-companion piece to steps... if i can finish it in time.......

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most? let's just take a moment to listen to acacia by bump of chicken the fucking song ever the everything the fax essay

Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year? 8 and 9 are the same. fax. i only wrote fax. fax the ever

What work was the quickest to write? respite took me about a day, which is insanely fast actually

What work took you the longest to write? steps took me like 8 months to rewrite. it turned out pretty damn good so we're winning here

How many WIPs do you have in your docs for next year? surprisingly not a lot... i have bodyguard to work on, which is pretty much a constant, but otherwise i think i'm done most of my wips. i want to take a writing break once i'm done with my current fics because i'm just. tired. but i have a bunch of ideas (some basic ideas and aus, some about aros with jax... i have reincarnation sitting in my notes... promised to do something w crime boss and syndicate too...)

What’s your longest work of the year? stop making me say steps BUT it's 38.5k baby!!!!!!

What’s your shortest work of the year? actually this unpublished micro study of fern which i find really sexy. i'll put it at the end so you guys can read it too!

What WIP are you taking into next year with you? bodyguard (fernsleep) it's always bodyguard. augh

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag? pov 2nd person because it's so fucking sexy but to be real it's probably fluff

Your favorite character to write this year? i literally only wrote fax. so uh. i guess jax ? he's easier than fern

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year? SEE ABOVE. FERN IS HARD

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year? not really pairing but once i get up to khux i have something in mind w ephemer! and also maybe some khml things because i can't just be faxing all the time (i can absolutely fax all the time and i will continue to if left unchecked)

Which work of yours have you reread the most? probably steps again but i think hook, line, sinker gets privileges too

How many kudos in total did you get this year? ao3 is telling me 27 on the fics i've posted this year of which like. 10 are from steps being from last year. let's do better next year. otherwise i get a ton from my old prsk works and occasionally from enstars but i haven't posted anything new for either for a while

Which work has the most comments? please i literally wrote only for a ridiculously obscure fandom. please give me a break (it's steps.)

Did you do any collaborative works this year? no :( i think it'd be fun to try but i'm kinda bad at working with people because of my specific vision and vibe for whatever i do (also perfectionism). i also literally don't have friends into the same things as i am

Did you write any gifts this year? mage i know you're here. i hope you enjoyed your 13k of porn

Did you receive any gifts this year? no. i don't expect to get any though

What’s your most common category? what does this mean . umm. m/m G-T usually i think releasing porn this year was a bit new but it was good and i liked it a lot so ,

What do you listen to while writing? whatever song i'm addicted to recently! this is how you get me listening to catchy idol pop while i'm writing about fern getting his sanity fucked out of him. the vibes don't really matter because the music is just there to stop me from getting distracted at everything

Favorite work you wrote this year? this ask game really wants me to say steps again but it's literally my pride and joy. i hope you all play unbound so you can read my 38k monster oneshot

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year? "It's cute, in a way, how his dishonesty betrays everything he wants to say."

Biggest surprise while writing this year? i actually quite liked a lot of the things i did this year. they're not bad and i don't mind rereading them and i hope that means i've gained a bit more confidence in myself... also i wrote 13k of straight up porn that's new. i've never wrote that much goddamn porn before lmao

anyway that bit from (14) because i think it's really sexy thinking about fern in terms of his relationship with intimacy and how that relates to sex and romance in his view of things... y'know......

[felawnie]

I am still very very tiffed that zombie dungeon spawners will spawn villager zombies on bedrock and not on java. I am. So tiffed. How dare they. I was SO HOPING for zombie villagers. Anyway that half of why I never posted an update on my challenge world, @ageblue​ . The other half of the reason is, after that week of sulking, I just...kept forgetting.

No screenshots cause the ones in the folder don’t look right? Did I accidentally delete them? I don’t know. If I repeat anything, OH WELL. Anyway. I got my enchanting table. I’m thinking about suspending the enchanting area from the farming platform. Iron chains would be ideal but I don’t actually like mining(another reason I wanted VILLAGERS AUGH) so it’ll be hard to make myself buckle down and do it. Especially with the horrible caves. I’ll need an anvil too. I guess. I want the platform to be, like, black. I wish I could make a way up that was invisible but I don’t know how. :/ Make a fucking parkour route...(i suck at parkour lol)

*sigh* The fucking llamas. THE FUCKING LLAMAS. After a bunch of trials and tribulations which involved makeshift pens, accidentally digging into my hovel, finding out that llamas fall through 1 block openings when on a lead(into my hovel), more makeshift pens, frantic fence misplacing, and then tiredly shoving llamas along, I got the llamas separated from the wandering trader and in a pen. A week later, I saw a video wherein the person just got the llamas in a boat and the fucking leads popped right off. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- *muffles self and continues*

The wandering trader then did a bunch of longing staring and wandering about the pen, as if to find a way in. Then he briefly went for a swim. I was...concerned.

Anyway, the llamas. I tamed them and bred them. Yay! The baby grew up. Yay! I tried to breed the llamas again and it didn’t seem to take. Whatever, I’ll figure it out. I come back, there’s only two llamas. I am confused and assume the original llamas, for some reason, are still despawning despite the taming. After all, babies are born tamed so how else could one be gone? I quickly breed the two I have, thinking that at least I’ll still have the two once the other og llama poofs. Later, I have two llamas again. Alrighty, should be fine now. I breed them. And later. I have two llamas. Again. *deep breath* 

Wandering trader llamas, even if tamed, will produce untamed babies. About 5 minutes after they grow up, they will despawn. There was a lot of blank staring at the screen while figuring out what to do, and plan designing and implementing plans and finding out the plans didn’t work and more plan designing and finally settling on a truly annoying setup but I’m not sure what else I could have done. Also AAAAAA THE FUCKING CARAVANS CAN YOU BASTARDS JUST NOT???

I just thought of a potential way but I do not want to have to set that up ALL OVER AGAIN so WHATEVER.

On the bright side I had a fun time describing the situation to my mother(because I don’t know ANYONE WHO PLAYS MINECRAFT IN REAL LIFE(i mean i suppose i know the kids at the minecraft program at the library that i used to run but, uh, no thanks)) and watching her grow more and more dismayed as I explained every problem with my attempts and her suggestions, leaving me with only this hilarious inefficient setup. Yes, Mother, FEEL MY PAIN.

So what have I ended up with? I have 4(6?) pairs of llamas, each in separate small pens so they’re easy to feed(did you know that, contrary to the wiki, llamas(or at least trader llamas) will absolutely keep eating hay bales even when they’re at full health and can’t breed? ahahahahahahaha). There is a fence gate, covered with a fence post so I can put the baby on a lead. I then have to DRAG THE BABY away from their parents while they desperately try to get back to them. I have to wrangle them into another pen. Did you know you can only have 3 leads active at one time? SO helpful. I have to get the other babies into the pen while making sure no others manage to escape. (see, because to feed the adults I have to have a block to get on so I don’t feed the same bastard several times, there’s a way back into the parent’s pen and THE BABES KNOW IT) Then /I/ have to get out of the pen without the others escaping. At the start of this I had to set a fucking timer for when they grow up, because otherwise they will despawn before I get what I want(which at this point is another couple pairs because the agony of wrangling the first two from this setup wasn’t enough, I guess). Once I get the other pairs I want, that’s it. I’ll only get like 8 llamas every 10 minutes(assuming i am right on top of things which YOU SHOULD NEVER ASSUME) but I just. There is no mass creating of llamas here. 

Finally, after finishing everything, I remembered a thought I’d had while setting up my wheat/tree limiting platform. “Man, this might be too big a wheat field. I certainly don’t need 4 fields worth...Oh wait! Llamas need hay bales to breed and I’ll need them for books! And since I’ll just breed the lot of them til I have a bunch and then kill most of them, I’ll need a lot of hay bales. This won’t be too big at all!” *hysterical laughter*

I just thought for a moment that I could try breeding the newly grown llamas real quick and then kill them(all in 5 minutes!) for quicker leather production but you have to tame them to breed them, don’t you... *sigh* That would be way too stressful for me.

Anyway I hate MC llamas now. Going on a research check afterwards and finding out about the villager zombies DIDN’T HELP. Oh my GOSH it didn’t. I’m so fucking sour about that. I was so mad I went back to a 1.16 world, lmao. At least THERE I can have VILLAGERS and not fall into STUPID PITS. Have I used them for anything? ...No...but at least I COULD.

[irrigos]

YES oh my god it makes me insane. i love older books/literature, especially victorian-era lit. and sometimes i’ll see someone talking about racism in a work, and it starts out fine, and then the second paragraph in it’s like “oh you think this is good actually. well shit.”

or even just people posting quotes! and then i look at their account and they’ve got the worst values and opinions known to man. augh.

it sucks!!! why cant you all be normal and stop making me look bad!!!! ive been really into calligraphy for the past like. idk 2 years? year and a half? and for some reason SO MANY CALLIGRAPHERS are like. SUPER christian. i dont have a problem with christians generally (i was raised Catholic and still feel kind of attached to it overall, for cultural/heritage reasons) but like. i only fuck with weird queer christians. and its really jarring when ill be scrolling through instagram and see some beautiful benign calligraphy pieces and then suddenly you see one thats like "God said gay people are yucky!" in beautiful calligraphy. (ok its not THAT blatant but. well i found out one of the people i followed was really into Matt Walsh, which is why i kept getting ads for him. Yuck!)

and it also sucks because so many of these things have such an association with being the hobbyhorse of a bunch of the worst most exhausting people you can imagine that i see a lot of people implying that you MUST be one of them if you like that thing. that liking history or w/e is a red flag, and only cishet white men would ever find anything of value in an old book and only weird conservative snobs like fountain pens or good leather shoes and only fascists would be interested in The Past.

and that sucks!!! i dont like people from either side implying im a conservative because i like history!!! im not going to laud the racism in these old texts because... racism is bad?? but im also not going to totally dismiss everything from before. idk some arbitrary recent year. as being inherently bad because people were racist then. sometimes putting things in historical context enriches them! sometimes reading stuff from the past enriches you!!!

bah. its frustrating. theres nothing much to be done about it, i guess, but it sucks that i have to be constantly on guard when engaging with my hobbies, lest I get mistaken for the same kind of people that would actively want me dead (either by my peers, who mistake me for an enemy, or by The Worst People I Can Imagine, who mistake me for one of them. i want neither of these!!!!)

[novantinuum]

anyways, for anyone who’s curious, here’s where I’m at on my wips:

Crack the Paragon: taking a breather before continuing to write chapter 15. Also working on a Jasper POV tie-in one shot that is going to help educate my depiction of her from an external POV. Want to finish this tie-in one shot first.

Misalignment: Stuck hee-hawing on Garnet POV in chapter 20, aka the hardest POV for me to write, and I don’t want to half-ass and rush this one because it’s a pivotal moment I’ve been envisioning for a long time and I want to portray it right.

Stepping Stones (aka the comic/fic about Steven’s Gem bullshit puberty woes I keep teasing): I have literally 1 more frame to finish in the 7-page introductory comic. Once I finish with this I can refocus on finishing the fic. I have like 3.5K words on this so far. This is just a fun side project, and will likely be posted as one huge chapter. Maybe two. We’ll see.

The Ballad of Aryll: I still plan on returning to this in time- I had to step away because my writing was starting to feel stale and same-y on it. Chapters 10-12 are finished, working on 13.

Heartsong (aka TotK sage one-shots): On hiatus until I find new inspiration- likely until I end up playing the game again. I have a portion of Sidon’s chapter written, though.

Other smaller projects I have in varying stages of progress:

Chapter 2/3 of an old as balls SU fic I have that probably no one remembers, but I still like some of what I have and am trying to fix it up and finish to post. (Taste of Ordinary)

A sappy ass Connverse proposal fic (a real one this time lmao) I’m trying to finish in time for Glow Week.

My Reunited battle scene from Connie POV fic that’s been plaguing me for goddamn years. I WANT to get this one out AUGH it has so many good moments in it but it’s not there yet.

My horrific Link/Gloom Spawn porn fic that literally only needs like two more paragraphs before it’s finished.

A really angsty Link + his father focused fic that I have like… 2/5 chapters finished for, but really don’t want to share any of until it’s done bc ughhh it’s gotta like… all thematically weave together really tight, and thus I really gotta do my final edit all as one piece

Various flavors of OC bullshit. I am always writing BS for my lil post canon SU OC stuff, but honestly that’s just for me and my close friends. I don’t really think I am too invested in sharing it publicly beyond out of context art scraps these days.

somewhat baffled by the (polite, mind you) comment I got on a fic asking whether I was still updating it

said fic was updated with a new chapter in january of this year.

but I guess that’s “too long” to go without an update now?? weird.

[veliseraptor]

you're the Stephen King of fanfic. if i was half as productive as you, i'd already have my degree. much respect to you

my first thought here was "god there are so many writers who are so much faster than I am, augh" but that is kind of. the opposite of the attitude I want to be nurturing, which is to say that while I know I repeat myself on this a lot I want to re-emphasize that my, uh, productivity, is kind of a problem.

as in, I find myself genuinely struggling to do things that feel insufficiently productive, my idea of a "rest day" still has to involve getting something "done" and I can only hack this by reconstructing something like "read x amount" or "finish a jigsaw puzzle" as a Task rather than, you know, a fun and relaxing activity. and sometimes when I have too many fun and relaxing activities I want to do I get stressed because I'm failing at my responsibilities. if I've written less than 1k a day for longer than 4 days at a time I start to have a crisis. I am only worth what I can put out into the world and sometimes use writing and posting fic as a way to justify my existence as worthwhile.

seriously: the fact that I write as much as I do is, yes, probably partly a product of the fact that when I am writing I'm pretty fast, but it's also due to the fact that when I'm not doing it I feel bad and guilty and like I'm doing something wrong.

I'm...working on disentangling these things but the fact that my productivity = worth calculus is constantly societally encouraged as a good thing that results in rewards makes it rather difficult. but also makes it so I'm stressed all the time and have a very hard time just relaxing.

like, it is true that probably I am a pretty quick writer and would be even if I weren't insane about it, but to the degree that I am insane about it I just constantly want to be like. don't compare yourself to me, you don't want to be like me, it will not make you happier

(but on the other hand - thank you, anon, I know this was kindly meant and I do appreciate the sentiment. just always feel like I want to put this disclaimer out there.)

[mavspeed]

Hi faerie_ground/ Desi,

I'm writing this in your ask box because for some reason my DMs are being stupid and not opening. My name's Kai, I go by Shearmouth on AO3, and I've been a rabid follower of "cloaked" since I found it around chapter 4's posting. I've already left you several reviews, but I wanted to reach out and let you know again how much this story means to me, and how grateful I am to you for creating it, so you can have a loving message from one of your readers to take into the new year (and on your much-deserved hiatus!) with you.

Trigger warning for CSA and its associated shittiness.

When I was 10 I was molested by a very close family member. Due to life circumstances, I didn't really have a way to get away from this person, and the response of my primary caregiver at the time was to kinda sweep it under the rug. Luckily it didn't happen again, but the body keeps the score and all that. 10 years later, during covid, the trauma started surfacing in therapy. I've spent the last 2 years working on it. I have been told by the same caregiver I confided in when it first happened to keep it to myself, don't talk about it, keep the peace in the family. There was a long time where I felt deeply broken, tainted almost. Like I never truly would heal from it. And I was so angry that it ever happened at all.

Though I've made tons of progress since then, I still find enormous catharsis in fanfic featuring sexual abuse and recovery. A few stand out, but yours is at the top of the list, despite being barely half posted. I've said it before but I'll say it again– your handling of the subject matter is nothing short of masterful. This is heavy, heavy shit. But you manage to say it out loud and look it in the face in a way that's both agonizing, and deeply moving. Maverick's reaction to his abuse is familiar to anyone who's gone through something like it, I think. The shame, the terror, the dread. Feeling like you've been dirtied beyond hope. That your friends and loved ones see you reduced to only what was done to you. And the rage. All that rage, with nowhere to go.

Maverick feels all this and more, and in the beginning it was torture to watch him go through it alone. As Ice slowly earns his trust again and works his way back into his heart, we see Maverick starting to let him in and lean on him. And Ice, flawed and frightened as he may be, is showing up for Maverick. He's standing by him through that terror and shame and rage. And we're seeing Maverick soften into it and accept that love from Ice.

So many people don't get that. So many people go through this alone, from start to finish. I was lucky. I have two amazing friends who stood by me, and a few excellent therapists. But even with them, working through this has seen me lonelier than at almost any other point in my life. I can't imagine how hard it is for survivors who truly don't have anyone. But here we get to see Mav accept the help, and start to move toward the path of healing. Ice, of course, can't fix this for him. But he can have his back. And that is invaluable. He's there for Mav even when Mav is being pissy and scared and angry and all the nasty emotions one tends to feel in the wake of such a traumatic experience. Thank you for giving that to him, and vicariously, to me. I can't wait to watch them heal, separately and together.

I'm rambling a bit, but the point is this: the story that you're making is incredibly profound. It's expertly executed. It's gripping and moving and heartbreaking. And for me, coming to it with my history, it's extremely cathartic. I'm so grateful to you for putting this into the world. Thank you.

I wait with bated breathed for the next chapter (even tho I'm scared, wtf does negative comfort even MEAN AUGH IM FRIGHTENED), and I'll be counting the days until February or whenever you come off hiatus! I hope you enjoy a well-deserved rest from this beast, and in the meantime happy new year!

Love, Kai

HIII putting this under a read more cos it got long. general trigger warning for discussions of rape/non-con/CSA

first off can i just say. i am SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG TO GET TO THIS this ask legitimately did not show up in my notifs. i had the shock of my LIFE when i came on tumblr web and realised i received 2 asks from you. lmfjgfjfjffj tumblr.............

second of all there is no need for an introduction (this may sound creepy) but i know who you are i really look forward to seeing your comments on cloaked you have no idea!!! each comment is like a balm to my soul i recognise every single one of my regular, semi-regular, dying-but-hanging-in-there commenters lmao i love yall serious

third!! this ask moved me to tears. seriously seriously SERIOUSLY it did i had to run off to the bathroom at work and then run back bc my work is a deadline-based hellsite. ANYWAY i am so sorry you went through that, you should never have done and these situations just remind us of how horrible and awful some people can be. im so glad you're seeking help for it right now, that's the right step and im so proud you had the courage to do it!

as for everything else- im also relieved that this story resonates with you! truth be told i was nervous about posting the first chapter bc its such a dark subject matter and we know what purity culture is like these days. don't discuss sensitive issues, don't put it in your fic, etc etc etc. i have my own opinions on these but in all honesty, cloaked was just going to be a straightforward retelling of tgm in tg86 squad's perspective until i came across a story handling rape/non-con..... not well. at all. and its not the first fandom ive seen this be handled in a way thats... just not to my liking, lets leave it at that. so believe it or not cloaked came about half out of spite and half out of personal reasons (i think i said some of it in my reply to you lol)

anyway thank YOU for sharing your story with me and please believe me when I say you're not alone!! a huge part of cloaked is the arc of mav coming to realise he doesn't have to deal with his trauma by himself. he has people around him (not just ice), and eventually, they push him to get the help he needs (is this a spoiler? nvm idc lmao). trust me, i put careful thought into it for a reason! thank YOU for realising it and coming to terms with it :') you're definitely not alone and anytime you feel as such, seek out help! my dms are always open too :D

also i feel like i don't need to say this but once again any form of way you use to go forth in your recovery is so so valid. if you wanna read my fic 1000 times over or others dealing in this content to get a step ahead, please do so. if you wanna ask me for personal headcanons/thoughts/etc in the cloaked verse specifically, please do so. im always ready and willing to talk!!

this reply got so godawfully long to end it off... i don't know which point you're at in the process of your recovery, but i hope you get the healing you deserve, which you do very much. thank you for being so brave to share your story <3 i sincerely hope cloaked ends in a fitting way to make you proud as well lmfkgjkgj ahhaha insert high-pitched nervous laughter

[rosiehunterwolf]

two halves of a broken whole

Prompts: Scars and Free Space (stealing Post-Fight from the twixt board)

Word Count: 2,191

Characters: Nya and Zane

Timeline: Immediately after season 9

Trigger Warnings: Blood, Needles, Brief Swearing

Summary: The Sons of Garmadon have been defeated. Garmadon is in prison. The city has been saved.

In the aftermath of the battle, Nya is more than ready to take a much-needed break. But the life of a ninja is messy. Recovery is never that simple. Although the wounds may have healed, the scars still remain.

Zane’s scars seem to match up, though. And maybe together, they can begin to heal.

Read on FFN.net

Read on Ao3

Tumblr work under the cut

Nya stumbled through the dark kitchen, searching through the cabinets. She gritted her teeth as pain flared in her arm. Where are those painkillers? Ugh, how does Skylor find anything in here? There’s no system!

She gasped in relief as she finally found the medicine cabinet, but as she reached out to grab a bottle, she bumped her bad arm against the cabinet door. Crying out in pain, she jerked her arm back, and the bottles came tumbling down and clattering loudly to the floor.

“Damn it all,” she groaned, leaning her head against the cabinet. “Stupid, stupid arm, why do you have to be so weak-”

“Nya?”

Nya jumped, hitting her head against the cabinet door. “Ow! Zane, what are you doing here-”

The nindriod crossed the small kitchen in two steps, yanking off the damp towel she had draped across her upper arm, revealing a long, bloody cut stretching across the length of it.

“I knew it,” Zane muttered. “Nya, why would you hide something like this?”

“It’s not that big of a deal, I-”

“Not that big of a deal? Nya, this is serious! You need stitches! Next time, say something!”

She winced. “I didn’t want to bother you guys- Lloyd was way more hurt than I was, you guys had your hands full with him.”

“You could’ve gone to Skylor.”

“I wanted to prove I could do it, okay?” Nya snapped. “Skylor was so strong, walking off Garmadon’s power corruption like it was nothing. And she was being so generous, letting us all crash in her house like this- I didn’t want to bother her anymore, but instead, I just ended up bleeding out all over her bathroom floor.”

Zane shot her a sympathetic glance. “Nya, don’t worry about that now. Skylor will understand, and I can clean it up. The only thing we care about is that you are safe. Here, go sit down.” He gestured towards a kitchen chair and headed towards the cabinet. Nya slumped over into the chair, still clutching her arm, and Zane rooted through the medicine bottles, finally pulling out the painkillers and handing her three large pills and a glass of water. She eyed them warily.

“Isn’t this a little much? I mean, it hurts, but not that bad.”

“I still have to give you stitches, remember?”

“Oh. You’re doing that now?” Zane turned away, and Nya took the opportunity to down the pills, using the cheap coffee she had made herself to help her swallow instead of the water Zane had given her. “Nya, if I don’t do this now it will only make the cut worse.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know- ow!” she yelped as Zane rubbed at the wound with a wet, antiseptic-soaked washcloth, the fabric quickly staining red.

“I need to clean it, Nya. This would’ve been much easier if you hadn’t spent so long walking around with an open wound.”

“Okay, I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.”

“I’m going to go get a needle and thread, I’ll be right back.” Nya sighed, slumping back against the chair. This was exactly what she had been trying to avoid. The guys had been through hell recently. The last thing they needed was having to worry about her, too.

“Nya?”

Nya jerked her eyes open, turning her gaze towards Zane. What happened? Did I doze off?

Stupid coffee, not doing its job.

Zane seemed to catch on to this too, and frowned. “When’s the last time you slept?”

“I don’t need sleep, I have this magical liquid called coffee.”

He shot her a stern glance. “Nya.”

“Fine! I don’t remember, okay?” She reached for the paper cup again, but Zane snatched it from her hand.

“You can’t live off of coffee. First of all, it’s horrible for your health, second, it can never replace a full night’s sleep.”

Nya crossed her arms, grumbling. “Hey, at least I’m better than Lloyd. He dumps like five pounds of sugar into his.”

“Yes, well, Lloyd is sleeping. Like you should be.”

“Which is so not fair,” she huffed. “I spent weeks trying to get him to sleep and the second you guys get back, he does it instantly.”

Zane smiled, but his eyes were sad. “Kai’s always kind of had a way with him.”

“I know.” She turned her head, sighing. “I wasn’t trying to sound ungrateful, I’m so glad you’re back, but-” Nya let her hand fall to her side, where it bumped against Zane’s. Gently, she rubbed her fingers across the smooth metal, her heart pounding in her chest. Suddenly, she squeezed Zane’s hand, her breath coming in heavy pants as she closed her eyes.

“Nya?”

Her eyes snapped open. “I’m fine. Let’s just get this over with.”

“Nya, it’s okay if you’re not fine.”

“I am.”

“I’m sorry we left you as we did.”

“It’s not your fault, okay?” She tugged away from him. Her hands were trembling now- from the coffee? The painkillers? The fear? She didn’t know. “It’s not your fault.”

Zane closed his hands over hers, steadying them. “No, but it still wasn’t fair to you. I’m sorry you had to go through all that.”

“You don’t know,” she whimpered. “You don’t know what it was like. I wanted to give up so bad, and Lloyd-” she closed her eyes, breathing out slowly. “I don’t even know how I got him through it. He was so depressed. I can’t go through that again.” She turned sharply towards Zane, grabbing his hands. “I can’t. You hear me? That can never happen again.”

Zane squeezed her hands back, his eyes sad. “Believe me, Nya, I will do everything in my power to make sure it never does. But we are ninja. Dangerous things are going to happen, and if we spend our whole lives fearing that, we’ll never get through. We need to live life one day at a time. We need to trust in each other.”

“I do trust you!”

“Good.” He placed a hand on her arm, just below the wound. “Then you’ll let me patch you up?”

Nya glanced at the needle and swallowed, looking away. “Just go ahead. Don’t make me watch.”

“We really don’t have the proper numbing medication,” Zane said. “The painkillers will help some, but this is still going to hurt.”

“Believe me, I’m sure the sword going in felt a lot worse.”

Zane pressed his lips together. “Yes, I suppose it did. Ready?”

“Stop asking me if I’m ready and just do it already!” Zane flinched away, and she quickly added, “Sorry. I’m just a little on edge.”

“You’re going to be fine. Just hold still.”

The needle was cold on her skin, and then suddenly it was piercing through her flesh. It took all of Nya’s willpower not to jerk away, and she bit down hard on her lip, forcing back a scream. “Holy shit- Zane!” she broke off in a whine.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry. It’ll be over soon.”

She tried to focus on her breathing as the needle pricked her again and again, Zane’s tugs quick and tight.

“Augh, remind me to visit Kryptarium later and go scream at those assholes for doing this to me.”

“We could’ve gotten you to a proper hospital if you had spoken up earlier. This is your own fault.”

“Oh, yeah, blame the victim. Besides, I hate hospit- aaugh, Zane, are you almost done?”

“Done.” Zane neatly snipped the thread, and Nya slumped over onto the table, grinding her teeth together and clenching her fists.

She felt Zane’s hand on her back. “Are you okay?”

“Gaugh, I will be, but son of a bitch, that hurt!”

“Alright.” Zane’s voice suddenly sounded cross. “It’s over now. That language is no longer necessary.”

“Are you seriously scolding me for swearing right now?” The table muffled her yelp. “I’d like to see how you cope when your arm stings like hell.”

“Nya.”

“You’re impossible!” Sitting up, she told him, “If you’re going to be such a goody-two-shoes, could you at least get me an ice pack?”

Zane got her the ice, and after about half an hour, the pain had finally dulled to something she could sleep through.

Exhausted as she was, though, she wasn’t done yet.

“Come see me in the morning,” Zane was saying, cleaning up the last of the bottles and putting them back in Skylor’s medicine cabinet. “It should be fine, but I want to check just to be sure. And try not to sleep on that side. I don’t want the stitches coming out during the night.” As he turned to walk out of the room, Nya grabbed his wrist.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

He blinked. “To bed? Like any sensible person should be at this hour?”

“Not so fast, now it’s your turn.”

“My turn?”

“You patched me up,” Nya told him as she turned and rustled through Skylor’s junk drawer. “It’s only fair that I return the favor.” She pulled out a few screwdrivers, some scrap metal, and- score, a circuit board. And in pristine condition, too! Skylor always had the best stuff lying around. When you could find it, that is.

“But Nya, I’m not injured!”

She put a hand on her hip, glancing him up and down. Scratches and dents littered the ice ninja’s skin, and if she knew Zane, that was usually an allusion to something bigger going on.

“Oh please, the four of you came back a mess.” She walked around him, inspecting him. “Don’t tell me you came out of that whole ordeal unscathed. And I didn’t see anyone check you over today. Aha-” leaning forward, she rapped her knuckles against a spot on his back, near the shoulder, and the panel shuddered beneath her touch. “I knew it. This section isn’t sturdy. Take off your shirt so I can get to it better.”

“Nya, I am a nindroid, injury is inconsequential-”

“I said, take off your shirt! Or are you going to make me do it for you?”

Zane sighed, pulling off his pajama top so that Nya could see the damaged area better. The panel appeared cracked and loose, so, gently, she pried it off, revealing several frayed and broken wires. Part of the exposed circuits were fried.

“And you were telling me off for hiding my injuries?”

“It’s hardly the same. Human bodies cannot withstand the amount of force that a nindroid’s can. Plus, you are susceptible to infection.”

“Zane, I don’t care!” She got to work snipping at the wires and pulling some of the damaged parts out. “You’re still one of us. Just because you can take this sort of damage doesn’t mean you should!”

“I know. I was just worried about the others.”

“Well, it’s about time you thought of yourself for once. You can’t properly care for us if you’re not functioning at full capacity, anyway.” Sticking the tweezers between her teeth, she readjusted the wires and got to work on the circuits.

“I… I don’t like asking for help.”

Nya’s fingers paused.

“‘E ei’er.” The tweezers muffled her words, but Zane got her point clear enough.

“Sometimes we do need help, though. We are part of a team for a reason, after all.”

Nya removed the tweezers and wiped her grease-stained hands on a towel. “You’re forgetting that I was Samurai X before I was a ninja. I didn’t need any help then.”

“I didn’t forget, I just remembered the important parts. We were still there for you afterward, even on your solo missions.”

Nya was quiet for a moment. “Maybe that was why it was so hard with you gone. It was like a piece of me was missing. I couldn’t fully uphold the Resistance without you guys there to help.”

Zane’s fingers skirted across his heart. “I don’t know how we went on, with part of our souls realms away.”

Nya put a hand over his. “But we’re here now.”

“But you weren’t. We have all the pieces again, but they feel… broken.”

“Hey.” Nya pressed the metal against the gap in his back, using the screwdriver to secure it into place. She leaned back, admiring her work. Good as new. “I fixed you, didn’t I? Nothing will stay broken forever.”

“I can fix a car,” Zane sighed. “Or the Bounty, or the oven, or myself. But I have no idea how one goes about putting pieces of a broken heart back together.”

Nya sat down next to him. Their eyes met- stunning, electrifying blue against deep, gentle brown. “Neither do I. But maybe… we can figure it out.” She leaned her head on his shoulder. “Together.”

“Together is good,” Zane agreed, putting his arm around her. “I think I like it a lot better than being alone.”

Sitting there, on the hard wooden chair, raw stitches in her shoulder, with Zane’s hard metal arms wrapped around her, she couldn’t have been in a more uncomfortable position. Yet Nya felt more at ease than she had in weeks.

For the first time since the guys had gone to the First Realm, Nya’s sleep was peaceful and uninterrupted.

[gumnut-logic]

The world was blurry as he let his head slide on one hand and stared out through the kitchen window. Gordon was in the pool, swimming his morning laps. The sun had yet to rise and Virgil had broken several laws of physics rising himself. This time of day should not exist. But then it didn’t, because it wasn’t day yet because there was no sun!

But no, supersonic big brother wanted to do some special training today. Training that for some reason had been scheduled at sunrise.

It was possibly important, likely scheduled just to get his ass out of bed at this godawful hour. Occasionally there were some issues with having your brother in command. Brotherly love only went so far, brotherly snark had more mileage, and Scott did have that twist of his lips when he announced the schedule.

Four pairs of eyes had immediately turned to him and his return glare had been insufficient to deflect the amusement that followed.

But it was okay. It was fine. He had his own skill drills up his sleeve. Two am would be convenient for him next time, definitely. After all, they all had to keep their skill sets up, didn’t they?

In the meantime, it was black coffee and repeated attempts to focus on Mateo. Mateo was distinctly blurry, and dark and...

“Hey, Virg!” Alan whacked him on the back.

His face nearly ended up in his coffee. “Alan? What the hell?”

“And good morning to you, too, big bro. Ready for this morning’s run?”

He stared at his bright and peppy, yes, peppy, youngest brother. Augh. “Go away.”

“Aww, did the big bear have to get out of bed a little early?”

“Alan...”

“C’mon, Virg, it’s gonna be fun. A race around the island, wind in your hair, blood pumping...it’s gonna be awesome.”

Virgil stared at him, his brain slowly picking up that something wasn’t quite right. “Alan, why aren’t you comatose?”

“What do you mean, big bro?”

A slow blink. “You hate mornings almost as much as I do. Who are you and what have you done with my little brother?” His eyelids drooped all of their own volition.

“It’s called prepared, bro. I’m in it to win it.”

Virgil’s eyes narrowed. “Are you on something? Because if you are, Scott’s going to kill you, and once I’m awake, I’ll resuscitate you so I can kill you again.”

“That’s violence, bro. It’s cool, I promise.”

An arched eyebrow that almost hurt. “What did you do, Alan?”

“Nothing. Well, nothing you aren’t already doing.”

“You drank coffee.”

“Noooooooo.”

“What did you do?”

“A little caffeine is all.”

The arched eyebrow flipped into a frown. “How much?”

“Enough.”

Virgil’s back straightened. “Alan.”

“I’m fine, bro, I promise. I know what I’m doing. I’m not stupid.” A blond frown. “Besides, it’s not like you don’t do the same with your coffee after coffee after coffee technique.”

Virgil’s lips thinned, but to be honest, the kid was right, he didn’t have a leg to stand on. But... “You’re not yet an adult, Alan.”

“Yet, I take the responsibilities of an adult, Virgil.”

“Your body isn’t fully mature!”

“Well, thanks for that, Doctor Virgil!”

“You have to look after yourself!”

“Hard to do anything else when I have four brothers mother-henning me all the time!”

“We worry about you!”

“Well, don’t! I can look after myself.”

“Alan!”

“Virgil!”

“Hey! What the hell is going on here?!”

Virgil found himself looming over his little brother, one brain cell after another slowly catching up with what the hell was going on. Bright blue eyes were staring up at him defiantly, his little brother’s shoulders tight and fists clenched at his sides.

Virgil forced his own fists to uncurl. There was a reason why he preferred not to see this time of day. Disturbed sleep disturbed his calm, his control, and things like this happened.

Scott loomed over the both of them and Virgil took a step back, slumping back onto his seat and hulking over his coffee almost in a pout. “Better ask Alan, he’s the one being stupid.”

“Speak for yourself, Virgil.”

“Both of you, shut it.” Scott could glare with the best of them, but Virgil had exhausted what little energy he had and ignored him. “Alan, dosed himself with caffeine.”

“Virgil!”

He could feel the laserbeams shooting out of Scott’s eyes switching targets and landing on Alan. There was no satisfaction, just blergh. Here we go.

And sure enough, Scott started in on his little brother. There was, of course, shouting. Virgil idly wondered how come Scott got to yell and he didn’t. But then Virgil didn’t really like yelling anyway.

Coffee. Its warmth drifted down his throat and spread into his bones. Oh god, he needed it. Maybe a second one after this? But then the word ‘caffeine’ came up amongst the explosions beside him and he reconsidered. No need to become a target himself.

He let his foggy mind drift a little. It was all his fault really. He could have gone to bed early, but he had made the mistake of getting into a discussion online with an engineering idiot. The topic had become heated, chemical formulas launched like bombs and laced with reactive equations enough to take out half the engineering community. In the end, he’d thrown a hissy fit and sat up to three am writing up his argument. He’d chucked it onto his blog with a great deal of satisfaction and was looking forward to rubbing it in the man’s face.

Just as soon as he could boot his brain.

Coffee, give me strength.

Gordon wandered in at some point, a damp towel around his neck. Being Gordon, he prodded the conflagration in progress and got burnt. The argument became three sided.

Virgil considered snoozing on the counter.

Then he hit on the idea that he could possibly sneak back to bed. He stood up slowly.

Brains bounded into the room, tablet in hand. “Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Brilliant, so b-brilliant!”

The argument came to a sudden halt, four pairs of eyes turning towards the engineer.

The engineer didn’t notice, eyes glued to his tablet. Max bounded in behind him, whirring excitedly. It was the robot who prevented the distracted Brains from walking into the kitchen counter.

“Oh, thank you, M-Max.” His eyes didn’t leave the tablet. “Did you see the p-polymer ratio? Amazing! Such elegance. You know, I am quite d-disap-pointed that I didn’t think of this myself. The applications are going to b-be in-numerable.”

The distraction was enough to break the fuel lines of the argument and Scott settled for a final threat, Alan a final glare and Gordon, a snort of derision. The moment to escape was lost and Virgil slumped where he sat.

Damn.

“Virgil, you going to eat before we run?”

Alan was right, Scott mother-henned.

“Maybe.” Ugh, c’mon coffee kick in. He needed operational braincells.

Scott was peering closely at him. “Earth to Virgil.”

“Shut up, Scott. You got me up at the ass end of the day, I’m here. Don’t expect much more.”

His brother grinned, and Virgil had the odd urge to thump him. Just because this was his element, didn’t mean he had to be a smart ass about it. “Your next physical is going to be hell.”

The grin faltered. Aah, that’s better. Hmm, perhaps his brain was slowly booting. Go, coffee.

“Virgil! You h-have to see these equations. They are brilliant!”

What? Brains’ tablet shifted the remains of his coffee to one side and Virgil found himself staring at a series of numbers that made little sense at this time of the morning. “Brains, looks great. Can I review them later? I’m not all here yet.”

The engineer didn’t appear to hear him. “Look at the polymer decay to reaction ratio! This is a self-healing polymer!”

Huh? He frowned and forced himself to focus. The appropriate neurons clicked into place in his brain and suddenly what he was seeing made sense.

Shit.

He grabbed the tablet, eyeing the equations and spinning calculations in his head. Brains was right. This was perfect. The polymer would be able to self-heal with the application of a mild electrical current. Give it a pattern to follow and it would populate and keep it populated, even after disturbance.

“Did you discover this, Brains?” He frowned. There was something familiar about this. Maybe they had discussed it recently.

“Oh, no, this is V. T. Green. The man is brilliant.” There was that word again. Brilliant.

But it still took a second for it all to click into place.

V. T. Green was his blog. V. T. Green was his pseudonym online, used for obvious reasons to keep his identity hidden. The blog had been for amusement originally. A place to stash his favourite music and art, but at some point, he had found himself venturing into engineering circles and getting into discussion with the online community. It made for interesting discourse and he was able to keep up to date with some of the latest innovations. Not that he could share his own much and IR was well ahead of the majority of the world thanks to one Hiram Hackenbacker, but on occasion he would fiddle with ideas and make suggestions. It was also a great place to postulate out-there concepts.

The equations on Brains’ tablet were Virgil’s.

“Where did you get these?”

Brains was full of far too much energy for this time of the morning. “Green p-posted them during the night and they have h-hit the world by s-storm.”

“What?”

Brains frowned at him. “Haven’t you heard of V. T. Green, Virgil? He is o-one of the leading engineers on this p-planet. I have been f-following his b-blog for over a year n-now. You r-really m-must check it out.”

“Um, must have missed that one.”

“H-how could you m-miss such an important s-site? I know you k-keep up to date. The man is at the centre of a massive discussion about polymer cohesion and decay. Last night, Coloncous in Spain had the nerve to challenge him in the most ridiculous manner. I was so close to cutting him off myself, he was embarrassing us all, but Green replied with this. As expected, it is a brilliant explanation and Coloncous had no choice but to concede and crawl back into the hole he should never have come out of in the first place. He was a fool to think he could go up against Green. But this solution has so many possibilities. Do you realise this could be integrated into Two’s cahelium hull and she would be able to heal damage midflight? Four would be able seal herself in an underwater emergency. So brilliant.”

Virgil stared at the engineer. He didn’t think he had ever heard Brains say so many words in a row. And his stutter had disappeared two sentences in.

“What did you say about sealing Four, Brains?” Gordon’s ears had obviously pricked up at the mention of his ‘bird.

Brains’ attention was immediately drawn to the aquanaut, his verbal diarrhoea spilling all over Gordon and freeing Virgil.

Taking the opportunity, he pulled out his phone and brought up the website.

Shit!

He had notifications enough to clog his inbox. Due to the early hour, his phone was still on silent and he hadn’t heard any of them. A quick glance identified several prominent names and universities.

Shit. His eyes widened.

He glanced up at his family who were now eagerly discussing safety seals for Thunderbird Four. Even Scott’s eyes were wide and enthusiastic.

Shit.

Um.

Yeah.

He needed more coffee.

-o-o-o-

V.T. Green (one of my absolute favourites :D)