#sorry for how late this response is i truly feel so bad for replying late LMFJNDJFJ

[mavspeed]

Hi faerie_ground/ Desi,

I'm writing this in your ask box because for some reason my DMs are being stupid and not opening. My name's Kai, I go by Shearmouth on AO3, and I've been a rabid follower of "cloaked" since I found it around chapter 4's posting. I've already left you several reviews, but I wanted to reach out and let you know again how much this story means to me, and how grateful I am to you for creating it, so you can have a loving message from one of your readers to take into the new year (and on your much-deserved hiatus!) with you.

Trigger warning for CSA and its associated shittiness.

When I was 10 I was molested by a very close family member. Due to life circumstances, I didn't really have a way to get away from this person, and the response of my primary caregiver at the time was to kinda sweep it under the rug. Luckily it didn't happen again, but the body keeps the score and all that. 10 years later, during covid, the trauma started surfacing in therapy. I've spent the last 2 years working on it. I have been told by the same caregiver I confided in when it first happened to keep it to myself, don't talk about it, keep the peace in the family. There was a long time where I felt deeply broken, tainted almost. Like I never truly would heal from it. And I was so angry that it ever happened at all.

Though I've made tons of progress since then, I still find enormous catharsis in fanfic featuring sexual abuse and recovery. A few stand out, but yours is at the top of the list, despite being barely half posted. I've said it before but I'll say it again– your handling of the subject matter is nothing short of masterful. This is heavy, heavy shit. But you manage to say it out loud and look it in the face in a way that's both agonizing, and deeply moving. Maverick's reaction to his abuse is familiar to anyone who's gone through something like it, I think. The shame, the terror, the dread. Feeling like you've been dirtied beyond hope. That your friends and loved ones see you reduced to only what was done to you. And the rage. All that rage, with nowhere to go.

Maverick feels all this and more, and in the beginning it was torture to watch him go through it alone. As Ice slowly earns his trust again and works his way back into his heart, we see Maverick starting to let him in and lean on him. And Ice, flawed and frightened as he may be, is showing up for Maverick. He's standing by him through that terror and shame and rage. And we're seeing Maverick soften into it and accept that love from Ice.

So many people don't get that. So many people go through this alone, from start to finish. I was lucky. I have two amazing friends who stood by me, and a few excellent therapists. But even with them, working through this has seen me lonelier than at almost any other point in my life. I can't imagine how hard it is for survivors who truly don't have anyone. But here we get to see Mav accept the help, and start to move toward the path of healing. Ice, of course, can't fix this for him. But he can have his back. And that is invaluable. He's there for Mav even when Mav is being pissy and scared and angry and all the nasty emotions one tends to feel in the wake of such a traumatic experience. Thank you for giving that to him, and vicariously, to me. I can't wait to watch them heal, separately and together.

I'm rambling a bit, but the point is this: the story that you're making is incredibly profound. It's expertly executed. It's gripping and moving and heartbreaking. And for me, coming to it with my history, it's extremely cathartic. I'm so grateful to you for putting this into the world. Thank you.

I wait with bated breathed for the next chapter (even tho I'm scared, wtf does negative comfort even MEAN AUGH IM FRIGHTENED), and I'll be counting the days until February or whenever you come off hiatus! I hope you enjoy a well-deserved rest from this beast, and in the meantime happy new year!

Love, Kai

HIII putting this under a read more cos it got long. general trigger warning for discussions of rape/non-con/CSA

first off can i just say. i am SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG TO GET TO THIS this ask legitimately did not show up in my notifs. i had the shock of my LIFE when i came on tumblr web and realised i received 2 asks from you. lmfjgfjfjffj tumblr.............

second of all there is no need for an introduction (this may sound creepy) but i know who you are i really look forward to seeing your comments on cloaked you have no idea!!! each comment is like a balm to my soul i recognise every single one of my regular, semi-regular, dying-but-hanging-in-there commenters lmao i love yall serious

third!! this ask moved me to tears. seriously seriously SERIOUSLY it did i had to run off to the bathroom at work and then run back bc my work is a deadline-based hellsite. ANYWAY i am so sorry you went through that, you should never have done and these situations just remind us of how horrible and awful some people can be. im so glad you're seeking help for it right now, that's the right step and im so proud you had the courage to do it!

as for everything else- im also relieved that this story resonates with you! truth be told i was nervous about posting the first chapter bc its such a dark subject matter and we know what purity culture is like these days. don't discuss sensitive issues, don't put it in your fic, etc etc etc. i have my own opinions on these but in all honesty, cloaked was just going to be a straightforward retelling of tgm in tg86 squad's perspective until i came across a story handling rape/non-con..... not well. at all. and its not the first fandom ive seen this be handled in a way thats... just not to my liking, lets leave it at that. so believe it or not cloaked came about half out of spite and half out of personal reasons (i think i said some of it in my reply to you lol)

anyway thank YOU for sharing your story with me and please believe me when I say you're not alone!! a huge part of cloaked is the arc of mav coming to realise he doesn't have to deal with his trauma by himself. he has people around him (not just ice), and eventually, they push him to get the help he needs (is this a spoiler? nvm idc lmao). trust me, i put careful thought into it for a reason! thank YOU for realising it and coming to terms with it :') you're definitely not alone and anytime you feel as such, seek out help! my dms are always open too :D

also i feel like i don't need to say this but once again any form of way you use to go forth in your recovery is so so valid. if you wanna read my fic 1000 times over or others dealing in this content to get a step ahead, please do so. if you wanna ask me for personal headcanons/thoughts/etc in the cloaked verse specifically, please do so. im always ready and willing to talk!!

this reply got so godawfully long to end it off... i don't know which point you're at in the process of your recovery, but i hope you get the healing you deserve, which you do very much. thank you for being so brave to share your story <3 i sincerely hope cloaked ends in a fitting way to make you proud as well lmfkgjkgj ahhaha insert high-pitched nervous laughter

[leighsartworks216]

Screaming crying crawling up the walls for your top tier Astarion content

Idk if you’ve seen this, it’s floating around the internet (I think it’s a tweet?) it says something like “I want someone to grab my face and say ON PURPOSE, I WILL CARE FOR YOU ON PURPOSE” and I’d love to see our love-deprived bi-centurion react to something like this.

Like maybe he’s caught feelings for tav and is starting to feel bad for manipulating them and starts self-sabotaging by saying/thinking stuff like ‘you only THINK you love me but it’s not real, I’m sorry I made you feel this way’ and tav getting v v serious and replying “I never loved you by accident”.

Him being confronted by the fact that things never would’ve gotten this far if they didn’t let it, if they didn’t choose him, that they’re still choosing him and that it has nothing to do with the act he put up or the situation he constructed, if they wanted nothing to do w him they could’ve and would’ve dipped.

Idk I’m just spitting ideas, have fun babe ✌🏻

- 🦇

I wrote this at 2am but I did proofread it (it's almost 4 now 💀)

Also the original tweet is by Jenny Slate (@/jennyslate) and says, "I just want someone to grab my little face and scream 'ON PURPOSE, ON PURPOSE I AM GOING TO CARE ABOUT YOU'"

Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Warnings: self-doubt, references to manipulation, self-deprecation, references to dissociation, dissociation mention, hurt/comfort

Word Count: 1,392

Main Masterlist

Baldur's Gate 3 Masterlist

AO3

Tag List Form

It began one night, almost a week ago. Astarion had gotten into the routine of joining you in your bedroll after feeding, cuddling close and relaxing to the steady sound of your heartbeat. That night, a week ago, he didn’t. He delicately bit into your skin and pulled away before you were even slightly dizzy, murmured something about how you’d need your strength for a fight tomorrow, and slipped off to hunt for animals. Truly, you didn’t think anything of it, then. And maybe you got so lost, so caught up in your daily stress, that was why you didn’t register it for so long. Comments under his breath about manipulation immediately covered up with Gale requesting a magical artifact or Shadowheart and Lae’zel fighting.

So, a week went by. And the realization finally hit. Guilt ate away at your stomach, but wallowing wasn’t going to help. When night started to creep in, your companions slipping into their tents, you slipped into Astarion’s. Sitting in a pile of pillows, he looked up at you with a smirk and a ‘Hello, darling’, but it didn’t reach his eyes. They were dark. Distant.

“I’m sorry I haven’t given you the attention you need,” you start. A baffled look flickers across his face, but it is not given the time to settle.

There is a twitch at the corner of his mouth, like it’s a strain for him to keep smirking. “It’s perfectly alright, darling. You’ve been busy running around camp, helping people - I understand.”

With any other person, this would have seemed a perfectly reasonable response. An apology accepted, a mutual understanding - the relationship goes on. Except, this was Astarion.

You sit down nearby, close enough to reach out and touch. Any closer and you worried you’d overcrowd him. You always tried to let him come to you first, though he usually struggled to initiate anything.

“You’ve been distant, too,” you point out. He begins to form the words to apologize, but you shake your head to stop him before they can build a sentence. “I’m not upset, I don’t need an apology. I just wanted to know why.”

To be honest, he didn’t expect you to notice. He assumed, quite stupidly, all things considered, that you would be too preoccupied to notice him slowly slipping away. Late night cuddles dashed for hunting, hand holding forgotten as he trails along at the back of the group, kisses never lingering and the ones that did lacking any emotion behind them.

“Is something wrong?” you prompt gently. “If it’s too much, we can work out what would be better for you.”

Guilt stabs at his own non-beating heart like a wooden stake. He’s drifting and you still throw him a rope, still ask for him to grab on and pull himself away from his past, from dissociating with the slightest hint of affection.

He smiles wryly. “I can’t hide anything from you, can I?” he teases, but it comes out a little too strained to be a joke. His fingers fiddle with the corner of the page of his book. He finds watching the paper fold and bend is much more interesting than looking into your eyes.

He sighs. “I’m sorry, my dear,” he says, but the endearment feels like fire on his tongue, “but it’s not real. This isn’t real.” Your brow furrows as you stare at him. He can’t bear to see the realization cross your face. “Two hundred years of manipulating - of course I would trick you, too. It’s instinct, darling, I don’t blame you.” Red eyes finally meet yours. You look confused, of course, but there’s an air of determination, like you’re ready to fight whatever plagues him. “But this… love… it’s not real. And for what it’s worth, I am sorry I made you feel this way.”

He expects anger. He expects tears, even. Crying and shouting and ‘How could you?!’s and ‘I can’t believe you’ve manipulated me all this time!’ But it never comes. You frown, sure, but it’s leagues away from being angry.

“You think… you manipulated me into feeling this way?”

It shouldn’t hurt as much as it does. Admitting it feels bitter. He blames it on his growing fondness for you, but he knows it cannot possibly be returned in any genuine way. Not with his underhanded tactics surfacing at every passing glance, soft brush, and gentle smile. “Come now, darling,” he smirks again, building a wall to separate himself from the shitshow that must be just ‘round the corner, “who could really love me?”

That only succeeds in making you frown further. “Astarion, I’m not with you because you’ve tricked me.” The baffled look from earlier surfaces again, but it lingers, mixed with doubt. “I understand that you started this to manipulate me into protecting you, but I’m not here because you successfully influenced my emotions - To be perfectly honest, I could tell from the start.”

He laughs dryly, suddenly, like it startles him. “And here I was thinking I’d learned some subtlety.”

You don’t laugh with him. You don’t even smile. “I chose you, Astarion. I still choose to be with you. Because I want to.”

Any lingering mask of confidence fell from his face. The creases around his mouth became more prominent as he frowned. His eyes darted around, glancing around your face for any tells of deception, any hint that you’re making this up to make him feel better. “How can you be sure? How do you know you’re choosing me and not just buying into another act?”

“Astarion.” You get on your knees and hold his face in your hands. He stares up at you with big, round eyes. “If I wanted to, I could break up with you. I am not staying because I feel stuck, or because I feel obligated to. I love you. On purpose. On purpose, I am staying with you. On purpose, I choose you.”

He opens his mouth, but no words form. His mind is reeling, chasing to catch up and process everything, all the while jumping and flipping, trying to find excuses or reasons why you shouldn’t care for him. He swallows the lump building in his throat. He speaks in a whisper, too stunned to speak louder. “Are you sure?”

Your whole face softens. Determination turns to fond affection, frown lifting into a soft grin. “Yes. I’m sure.” You press a kiss to his forehead, and he closes his eyes to savor it. It’s been a week without allowing himself your love - he deserves to enjoy it once again, even if he feels guilty for it. He wishes his thoughts would just shut up and let him have this. “If you still need space or time, I’ll be here. I’m not leaving. Just,” you pull his face back, “please talk to me about this next time. I know things have been hectic, but I’m never too busy for you.”

He sighs, slow and soft. Relieved. “Of course, my love.” He adores the way you smile brightly at the endearment. He turns sheepish. “Ah, could I, possibly, join you tonight? It does, admittedly, get rather lonely passing the time alone.”

You kiss his cheek. “Of course you can. C’mon, I’ll even play with your hair if you’d like.”

He chuckles, genuine this time. “I very much would.” His book is set aside, the page he left off on lost as he takes your hand and follows you from his tent. He can’t help himself from squeezing your hand in his, like he can’t quite grasp the fact you are physically holding onto him. Even when you lay down first and he settles in next to you, arms wrapped around your middle and his head on your chest, it still feels hard to believe. But the way you wrap your arms around him and gently detangle his curls and scratch lightly at his scalp cannot possibly be from his imagination. Nor the way you press kisses on his forehead and temple and hair with sweet praises and words of affection. His mind is not kind enough to imagine such tenderness.

Laying there in your arms, listening to the steady beat of your heart and even breaths that fill your lungs as you slip into sleep, is the closest he has ever been to true contentment.

---

Tag List:

@hypopxia @flsalazar @beverlybeav @angelofthorr @emiemiemiii @marina-and-the-memes @lynnloveslokiredacted @aurasyn @furblrwurblr @cappsikle @mjmygd @thegirlsadventuresinwonderland @kindadolly @bloopthebat @pandimoostuff @chesb0red @black-star1472 @sessils @olitheghostboy-blog @puppyg1rl666 @maruichio @cyber-dump-171 @katharynmarie @twinkliker3000 @cherifrog @catching-fire-in-the-wind @phantoms-fandom-blog

[waterhousse]

That Funny Feeling

Pairing: bestfriend!ellie williams x reader

Summary: you slowly start to realize you’ve fallen in love with your best friend.

• • • •

“are you done?” you groaned, tired. the girl in front of you gazed up at you, eyes wide and eyewbrows up.

“does it look like i’m done?” ellie gestured at herself. you almost laugh at how sassy she looked.

“i’ve been posing for an eternity.”

“it’s been like ten minutes!”

“well, i can’t feel my ass anymore.”

“i’m sure it’s still there,” she said without even looking at you.

after a few moments of silence, you spoke up again, “you’re gonna have to pay me for this.”

ellie looked up from her sketchbook, completely offended. “is my art not enough payment?”

“i can’t buy shit with your art,” you deadpanned.

you had been so quick with your reply that an inevitable chuckle escaped your friend’s lips. “fuck you,” she laughed and you found yourself wanting to come up with an infinite amount of jokes just to hear that sound again. “hold still or i’m gonna have to start over.”

your eyes stayed on her as she went back to her job, unable to look anywhere else. you had always enjoyed watching her draw, founding it soothing. it also allowed you to study her and notice quirks only you could know about; the way she slightly frowned during the whole process due to the concentration and the countless huffs she let out, especially when she had to restart after a mistake. your favorite one, though, was when she sung. ellie’s voice was sweet, you had told her that many times, so you loved being able to hear it. she didn’t even notice she did it, the melodies just came out without warning.

“aaand, done.”

you jumped out of the big rock you had been sitting on for the past fifteen minutes and ran to her side, trying to catch a glimpse of her drawing, but she closed the sketchbook on your nose.

“hey, let me see.”

“it’s not ready yet,” she started gathering her supplies. you rolled your eyes at her. “stop that,” she muttered.

“what— i haven’t even said anything!”

“i know you rolled your eyes at me,” ellie said as she looked for something inside her backpack. you scoffed, but it actually warmed your heart how well she knew you. “c’mon, let’s go to my place. it’s getting late.”

you were currently behind the town’s barn, ellie had chosen that spot because, apparently, the moonlight hit your face just right. it was cold as hell that night, but being the supportive friend that you were, you decided to respect ellie’s struck of inspiration.

“i’ll show you the drawing when it’s finished, by the way,” she spoke up once you caught up with her.

“kay, well, finish it quick or else i won’t pose for you anymore.”

“fine, i’ll ask stella.”

you dramatically gasped at the mention of her. stella was relatively new in Jackson and the only person in the world you truly despised.

“don’t even joke about that.”

the fact that you hated someone that much was hilarious to her. it didn’t match your personality at all. you were the calmest, sweetest person she had ever met. besides, no one really knew why you hated her so much. even you, which was ridiculous. for some reason, everything that girl did or said annoyed you. you couldn’t stand her, feeling there was something off about her, but couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it was.

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry,” she placed an arm around your shoulder, bringing you closer to her. you tried to ignore how fast your heartbeat had gotten. that seemed to be happening a lot lately around her. “but hey, you gotta admit she’s not that bad.”

your heart dropped, “you’ve talked to her?”

“what? no. i just think she’s hot.”

you crossed your arms as you hummed in response, suddenly feeling very sick. there was a sharp pang in the pit of your stomach, so you spent the entire walk quiet, only answering to ellie’s babbling with monosyllables. your friend had noticed, so once you arrived at her place she grabbed you by the arm, making you turn around.

“hey, you, uh, you okay? i was kidding about stella. she’s not— i’m not interested in her, y’know?” ellie was nervous, but you were too busy staring at the hand that was stopping you from walking away and how your skin tingled beneath it.

“it’s fine,” you gave her a small smile, eyes back on her. “but i think i’m about to come up with a fever or something, i feel a little weird.”

ellie stepped closer, letting go of your arm and placing her hand on your forehead. “yeah, i think you’re hot.”

you let out a chuckle, “thanks, i’m glad you’re finally admitting it.”

your friend rolled her eyes before opening the door for you. she stood by the doorframe, waiting for you to go inside, but you hesitated.

“i think it’s best for me to go home—”

“what? no, shut up. i’m gonna head over to joel’s to see if he has some painkillers or something, you stay here,” she said as she softly pushed you inside her house. you opened your mouth as you turned around, ready to protest, but the sound of the door closing stopped you. letting out a sigh, you looked around to finally set your eyes on the couch, where you decided to wait for ellie as you tried to ignore whatever you were feeling.

you swept your gaze over the place, warmth spreading over your heart as you spotted little details that screamed ellie; a bunch of savage starlight comics, her guitar perfectly set next to the window, art supplies, books about astronomy and many, many drawings that were either on the walls or just laying on top of the furniture.

you spotted one of her many sketchbooks laying on the floor by her bed, so you went to pick it up and put it on her nightstand, next to the lamp.

after a while, you heard the sound of jiggling keys followed by ellie’s characteristic cursing. you got up from the couch and went to open the door for her since she was clearly struggling. ellie’s frown disappeared once she laid her eyes on you.

“you okay?” you asked, amused.

“this fucking door, i swear to god—” she mumbled as she stepped inside. “look! joel made you soup. i swear he likes you more than he likes me.”

you chuckled at the last part, “i mean, can you blame him?” you joked. there was no way he liked anyone more than ellie, but that didn’t change the fact that you felt incredibly loved and protected by him, too.

ellie gazed at you, a small smile hiding on her lips, “yeah, i supposed i can’t,” she almost whispered. “c’mon, get into bed,” she ordered.

“jeez, ellie. buy me a drink first, at least,” you said, missing ellie’s flustered state. it only lasted a second, though, because her usual smug smirk was already forming on her lips.

“oh, you wish,” she teased back.

maybe it was what she said, maybe it was the way she said it, but your stomach flipped at her words. it was such an unexpected reaction that it made you froze in your spot, completely startled.

“you’re gonna get in bed or…?” ellie’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts, she was holding up the covers for you.

“i can go to my house, you know. i don’t wanna be any trouble—” you said as you sat down on the bed. your friend pointed at your shoes and gestured for you to take them off.

“shut up and just let me take care of you, would you?” ellie carefully placed the soup on the nightstand. she went around the bed and sat on the other side just as you wiggled under the covers. she looked down at you, slightly leaning down, “you’re so stubborn,” she murmured as she passed you the soup.

you frowned, offended, “look who’s talking,” you bickered as you glanced up, but you weren’t prepared to see her so close. your eyes met hers, forcing you to avert your gaze elsewhere. you felt her stare still on you, making you malfunction. maybe that was the reason you took a sip of the soup without even considering how hot it would be. ellie laughed shamelessly at you when you burned your tongue. “shit!” you shrieked.

“i’m not saying you deserved it, but…” ellie teased. you would’ve pushed her off the bed if you hadn’t had a flaming hot bowl of soup in your hands, instead, you silently watched her take off her converse. she looked back at you, “move over, i’m cold.”

your breath hitched on your throat at the request, but did as she said. you kept your attention on the bowl of soup that warmed your cold hands, not feeling brave enough to make eye contact with the girl next to you.

“how’s the soup?”

“oh, it’s great. joel’s the best. remind me to thank him tomorrow.” you smiled. “want some?”

“nah, thanks. i don’t like soup.”

“what do you mean you don’t like soup?”

“i just don’t.”

“what’s not to like? it’s yummy.”

“i’m gonna ignore the fact that you just said yummy. and i don’t know! i just don’t like it.”

“weirdo. you’re missing out.”

“okay, soup’s best defender, whatever you say,” she muttered as she closed her eyes. you bit the inside of your cheek as you allowed yourself to scan her face, stopping on the freckles you had complimented so many times.

you looked away, leaving the bowl of soup on the nightstand of your side. the sound made ellie open her eyes.

“you’re gonna sleep?” she asked, her eyes were even more hypnotizing up close.

you nodded, suddenly losing the hability to speak.

“me too,” ellie said before yawning.

“hold on. you’re gonna sleep in jeans, you freak?”

ellie let out an exaggerated groan, “i don’t have the energy to get up and change. it’s too much work.”

“don’t be lazy, c’mon. i’m gonna change, too.” you began to softly push her off the bed, which eventually worked. she walked to her closet and threw you a big white t-shirt, it was the same one you always wore when you slept over.

you averted your gaze from ellie once she started to take her pants off, but it strangely took a lot of strength for you to do so. you shook your head and climbed up to bed, shortly followed by your friend.

“there, happy?”

“very.”

“great. oh, and try not to kick me so fucking much this time or i’m gonna have to fight back,” she muttered with amusement.

you let out a chuckle, “i’ll do my best,” you whispered before everything fell quiet.

you didn’t know exactly how much time had passed since ellie turned off the light, but you were sure it was a while. still as a statue, you layed next to her while staring at the ceiling, trying to make sense of how you were feeling. eyes wide, stomach in a knot and heart fluttering as if it were a butterfly.

you realized you had fallen asleep once you opened your eyes and daylight touched almost every corner of the room. you blinked a few times before you fully adjusted to the light, that’s when you noticed ellie’s closeness. she was almost on top of you, breathing into the crook of your neck. it wasn’t the first time you had woken up like that with her, but it was the first time you felt different.

“ellie,” you whispered. she whined in response, mumbling something inaudible. you felt your heartbeat race when she nuzzled further into your neck, feeling her lips touch your skin. you squeezed your eyes shut, noticing the unknown feelings from the day before were still present. “hey, ellie. c’mon. it’s almost eight,” you pronounced softly, but ellie ignored you. “i’ve got somewhere to be, y’know.”

“where?” she asked almost immediately.

“i told dina i’d have breakfast with her. i would’ve invited you, but i know you’re not a morning person, so…”

she complained once again, but eventually came out of her hiding. you almost laughed at her expression.

“were you born with that frown?” you placed your fingers in between her eyebrows, making her smoothen the lines.

“shut up,” she laughed softly. “and i could be a morning person, you know.”

“so you’re coming with me?”

“no, i wanna sleep.”

you laughed and got up, ellie’s eyes following you on your way to the bathroom until you closed the door. you stared at yourself in the mirror, suddenly feeling embarrassed because of the way your hair looked. ellie had seen you like that a million times before, but that time you actually cared about looking at least presentable for her.

with a sigh, you grabbed the toothbrush you had left once and started brushing your teeth. everything felt strange, but you tried to act as normal as possible.

after washing your face and brushing your hair, you changed into your clothes. you took a deep breath before getting out of the bathroom, trying to calm down the sudden nerves that attacked you, but the sight that welcomed you once you opened the door didn’t help at all; ellie’s bare legs were crossed on top of the bed, she had tied her hair into her usual half-bun and a few strands fell over her face as she drew on her sketchbook.

“i thought you wanted to sleep,” you commented, picking up your jacket from the floor.

“just wanted to add some finishing touches to yesterday’s drawing,” her voice sounded even raspier when she was sleepy. “oh, and i forgot to give you that jacket you asked me for the other day,” she said as she got out of bed and quickly walked to her closet, leaving the sketchbook on top of her nightstand.

“trade?” you held up your jacket, making her grin. she grabbed it from you and gave you hers, which you immediately put on.

“you look great,” ellie complimented you, a faint blush spreading over her cheeks.

“thank you,” you smiled, your voice sounding incredibly weak. “and thank you for taking care of me. i—” love you, you almost said, but for some reason, those last two words died in your throat. it was weird. even though you always said it to her, that time that phrase seemed to carry a heavier, still unknown, meaning. “i gotta go.”

you turned around to leave, but ellie called your name. you looked back at her and watched her grab her sketchbook from the nightstand. “here,” she handed it to you. just as you were about to open it, she stopped you. “wait! look at it later. i don’t wanna see your disappointment if you don’t like it.”

“don’t be silly, you could never disappoint me,” you sincerely replied. “but okay, i’ll see it when i’m home.”

“have fun with dina. not too much fun, though. you’re not allowed to enjoy life to the fullest if i’m not there.”

“i promise i won’t. see you later,” your eyes met hers one last time before closing the door.

when you arrived at your house, you saw dina already waiting for you. once she spotted you, she started frenetically waving at you. a laugh escaped your lips as you copied her action. yeah, two people with that much energy at 8 am would be a lot for ellie to handle.

“finally! i’ve knocking on your door for the past 10 minutes. i thought you were dead,” was the first thing she said to you as she gave you hug.

“sorry, i slept over at ellie’s.”

dina let out a chuckle, “of course you did.”

“what’s that supposed to mean?” you furrowed your eyebrows.

“you two are always together, i should’ve known. that’s all,” dina shrugged her shoulders. she decided not to comment on the fact that you were wearing ellie’s favorite jacket.

you opened the door and stepped aside, inviting her in. you followed her to the kitchen, where you put water to boil.

“oh, i saw your friend on my way here,” dina commented as she took out two mugs from your hand-painted cupboard. ellie had participated in the process too, drawing different kind of flowers.

“my friend? who?”

“stella,” she amusedly pronounced. you inevitably rolled your eyes, making her laugh. “you still hate her?”

“yes! ellie brought her up yesterday and i almost threw up, i’m not kidding. i don’t even know why i hate her so much, i’ve never even talked to her,” you sat down at the kitchen island while dina stood on the other side of it.

“uh, yes you have,” your friend frowned, confused. “you seriously don’t remember? jesse’s party a few weeks ago, it was the night after she arrived to town.”

you tried your best to remember, but nothing came to your mind. you remembered the party, but not stella. your lost expression must’ve been enough for dina to know that you actually had no idea what she was talking about.

“woah, so you were more fucked up than i thought you were,” she muttered more to herself than to you. “okay, so, jesse invited her because she was new and all that. you had a lot to drink, apparently, so you were already drunk when you approached her. you introduced ourselves and asked her if she had met anyone else besides jesse and us and she said she hadn’t, but that she had seen a girl she was interested in and she was planning on finding her. when she started describing her, we realized she was talking about—”

“ellie. she was talking about ellie,” you replied, eyes wide. the memories came flooding back, making you freeze for a second. “oh my god.”

“you totally snapped at her and told her not to go anywhere near her or you’d scratch her eyes off,” she laughed, but you were completely horrified. “yeah, you get pretty violent when you drink. in my opinion, it’s hilarious.”

“i remember the way she ran away after i said that,” you cover your mouth in disbelief.

the more you processed the forgotten information, the more you worried. that uncontrollable hatred you felt towards stella was because of jealousy over your best friend?

“i mean, i support you. you gotta defend what’s yours,” dina cheered, but her smile disappeared once she noticed your expression. “hey, you okay?”

“i shouldn’t have done that. i had no right—”

“hey, it’s okay. i’m sure ellie wouldn’t have been interested in her anyway.”

“she told me she thinks stella’s hot yesterday,” you muttered, eyes set on your own fidgeting hands.

dina stayed quiet for a bit, but you could still feel her staring at you.

“what’s that?” she pointed to the sketchbook next to you.

“oh, it’s ellie’s. she drew me yesterday and gave it to me so i could see it,” you couldn’t help but smile. you watched dina take it and look at the pages with a blank expression.

“have you seen this?”

“not yet, why? is it good?”

“well, yeah, they’re good. there’s a lot of them.”

confused, you reached over to grab the book from her hands. your eyes widened at the content. you felt your heartbeat increase by the second and a deep blush color your cheeks as you rummaged through the pages. you were on each and every one of them; smiling, laughing, dancing, sleeping and more. you recognized some of them, since you remembered posing that way, but the majority of them were ellie’s invention. you were left speechless at how well she had managed to capture you, down to the smallest detail.

“she may think stella’s hot, but i can assure you she thinks you’re the most beautiful girl to ever walk the earth. i mean, look at those. you’re her muse,” dina smiled sweetly at you.

“i have to talk to her,” you whispered before standing up. “i don’t wanna leave you alone, but—”

“it’s okay, dummy. i’ll be here, drinking my tea and waiting for you to come back and to tell me everything. take your time, though.”

with dina wishing you good luck, you left with the sketchbook in hand and ran to her place without even thinking twice about it. you ignored how dizzy you felt and the way your heart was beating at an abnormal speed. nothing else mattered, because everything suddenly seemed crystal clear.

your heart skipped a beat once you arrived at ellie’s place and saw her sitting on joel’s stairs, staring down at something in her hands. she looked up when she heard you approach.

“ellie—”

“i gave you the wrong sketchbook,” she whispered, staring at the object in your hands. you frowned, stepping closer to her. “you weren’t supposed to see that. i’m— shit, i’m sorry.”

“what? ellie, no. i loved it.”

“listen, you don’t have to lie. i know it’s really fucking weird and pathetic—”

“you wanna hear something really weird and pathetic? i scared the shit out of a girl just because she told me she was interested in you. you wanna hear the funniest part? that girl was stella. i drunkenly told her to stay away from you or else i would scratch her eyes out.”

ellie’s eyes widened, mouth slightly agape. worry had started spreading through your body. “what?”

“i forgot about that whole interaction but the anger i felt in that moment stuck with me to the point i hated a girl without even knowing why,” you let out an awkward chuckle. “i… i hated her because she thought about you the way only i can think about you.”

everything became a little too real since the moment those words left your lips, and even though a weight had been lifted from your shoulders once you made that confession, it was soon replaced with the weight of the question ‘what will happen next?’

ellie’s gaze softened, going from confusion to something indecipherable. was it pity or was it what you hoped for?

suddenly, she stood up. you watched her as she walked painfully slow at you, torturing you. once she was only inches away from you, she smiled. with a hand placed on your waist and the other on the side of your face, she finally leaned in and captured your lips in an agonizing, yet perfect, slow kiss. you melted into her touch, feeling as if you were about to explode of happiness.

it was what you had hoped for.

“i can’t believe this is actually happening,” ellie murmured, lips touching yours. she leaned back a little, allowing herself to look at you. her eyes expressed so much love you couldn’t understand how you went so long without realizing that.

“you’re blushing,” you commented, eyes sparkling.

“oh my g— why would you point that out?” ellie complained, but she wasn’t mad. “you’re blushing too, by the way.”

“shut up.”

you silently stared at each other with shy smiles. ellie caressed your face with her thumb and softly pressed her lips on yours, giving you one small kiss. everything felt so intimate that you had forgotten about the rest of the world, completely unaware of the fact that you were on the street.

“i was so fucking scared when i realized i gave you the wrong sketchbook. i thought i’d messed everything up,” ellie whispered, her eyebrows furrowing a little. “i’ve dealt with loss in the past, and even though it hurt like hell, i got over it. or at least i’ve been able to live with it, but losing you? There’s no way i’d make it.”

your heart fully stopped at her sweet words, “you’ll never lose me.”

“good,” she smiled. “y’know, i told myself to draw you whenever you were on my mind, just so i could do something with what i was feeling. turns out that i’m never not thinking about you.”

not knowing how to reply to that, you launched yourself forward, crashing your lips with hers. you could feel her laughing, making you giggle too.

“i was so nervous on my way here. i wasn’t sure if you felt the same way,” you let out a small laugh, lips a little swollen.

“what? the sketchbook didn’t make that clear?”

“well, i didn’t want to jump to conclusions. i could be another stella, you know, just some girl you find hot,” you bitterly said.

ellie grimaced, “yeah, about that…” she awkwardly chuckled. “i don’t she’s hot. i only said that because i was hoping to get a reaction out of you.”

you gasped, “ellie, what the hell? first of all, you’re a bitch. that was a low blow. second of all, well played. it worked. it made me sick, literally.”

“i thought that was a coincidence,” she let out a laugh. “am i a mastermind or what?”

you rolled your eyes at her gloating, “yeah, yeah. don’t let it get to your head. it’s already big enough.”

“hey!”

“kidding,” you pronounced in a sing-song voice. as happiness spread all over your body, you placed your arms on her shoulders and locked your hands behind her neck. grinning, you brought her closer and kissed her again, and again, and again, and again.

[yougottalovebuckybarnes]

Hi, I’m so sorry that you have been having a hard time and that you can’t graduate when you wanted to I know that must be hard but you’re taking the time to look after yourself and that’s the most import thing!!!!

If and when you’re up to it I’d love to see a part 3 of forgive me, also maybe with a bit of Sam included? I’m a strong believer that Sam would 100% be on Bucky and Y/n side

Forgive Me, Pt. 3 (Bucky x Reader)

A/N: This request for a third part was from AGES ago, so I apologize for the long delay lol. On the plus side, I’ve finally graduated from college so that is no longer a worry! :) Anyway, this series will definitely be getting a Part 4. I couldn’t stop writing and coming up with more ideas lol. I hope you all enjoy!

==========

“Hate” had always been such a harsh word to me. Of all the feelings that existed, that was the one that I never could seem to grasp fully. Perhaps my heart was too soft or my nature too forgiving, but I had yet to find a person that I truly hated.

I could not even find it in me to hate Steve Rogers, despite all that had happened. Forgiveness was still a work in progress, but perhaps one day I would forgive him completely.

It had been three months since Bucky had found me in our bathroom with an open medication bottle in my hand, and it had been equally as long since he had spoken to the rest of the team. While I found it impossible to hate any of them, Bucky could not stand to even look at them. We had moved out of the compound within twenty four hours of his confrontation with Steve and hadn’t been back since.

Our little apartment in the city was comfortable, but it was not home. I knew that Bucky felt the same, but he refused to admit it out loud. Several attempts to urge him to reach out to Steve had not gone well, and my heart ached as I witnessed his anger consume him. Bucky had reassured me that I was all he needed now, but I knew deep down that he needed his friends, especially Steve. This anger would destroy him if not confronted properly.

And that was why I reached out first.

I found myself in a quiet little cafe in the city on a early Tuesday morning, sipping on an iced late as I watched people make their way down the street to work. The chair across from me scrapped on the ground, and I looked up to find Steve Rogers taking a seat. His face was solemn, almost shameful as his eyes made contact with mine. It was a version of him that I was unfamiliar with. The weeks of sneering and secret glares had melted away into shame and regret.

Part of me thought I should be content, seeing him humbled in this way. But I could not find it in me to rejoice in this. Steve Rogers was doing just as bad as Bucky was, losing his best friend the way that he had. There had to be a way to remedy this.

“Good morning, Steve.” I spoke softly, watching him evenly.

“Good morning.” Steve nodded in response, looking a little uneasy. “Look, Y/N-“

“You know why I asked to meet with you.” I prompted, pushing past the need for small talk to get into what really mattered. I was also quite honestly not ready to accept his apology either, if that was what he trying to do.

“Yeah.” He sighed, looking away briefly. “I don’t know what else I can do. Bucky won’t respond to any of my messages and I wouldn’t dare show up uninvited to your apartment.”

“That would not have gone well.” I agreed, sipping again on my beverage. “But we need to fix this, Steve. I’ve never seen him like this before. He needs you.”

“No, he needs you.” Steve replied, his voice remaining even. “And I realize that now. I didn’t know how much he cared for you until that night. Hell, I’m surprised he didn’t tell me that you two got married.”

“That really surprised you?” I asked with a slight scoff. “After how you all treated me?”

“I’m not looking for a fight.” He held up his hands slightly. “I’m just wanting to fix things.”

It was silent for a moment, and I let out a small sigh as I nodded in agreement. We were both in agreement for at least this one thing. While I did care for Steve and the others like family before this mess, all I cared about now was making sure Bucky was cared for and supported. In order to do so, we had to work together.

“Is Sam in town?”

“He is.” Steve nodded. “I’m thinking he might be able to help best since he was nutural in this whole thing. Just talk things over with him. If it doesn’t work, we can figure something else out.”

“I agree.” I glanced at my phone, seeing a text from Bucky asking where I was. I began to rise from my place at the small table. “I have to go now. Let me know when Sam can come over to see him.”

“Wait.” Steve’s voice caused me to stop and I looked over at him. “I…I never gave you a chance to explain your side of things, and for that, I’m sorry. I should not have treated you the way that I did.”

I looked at him evenly, my heart aching in my chest at the memories of the day prior to my attempt and Bucky’s hospitalization. After a few moments of silence, I gave him a sad smile. “If you want to know what happened, look at the Tony’s camera feeds from that day. The journalist stopped me at the front entrance to the building so you should have clear audio. It’ll tell you all you need to know.”

And without another word, I grabbed my purse and made my way back towards my apartment.

===========

Bucky’s POV

It had been odd waking up without Y/N by my side. That had been all but established as part of our routine, early mornings spent together in bed. But for some reason that had been broken on a random Tuesday, and part of me wanted to investigate why.

But her return only an hour later had washed all my worries away and our regular life routines resumed as normal for the next week. Part way through the week, Y/N had left the apartment to run a few errands so I was left on my own on the couch watching reruns of ‘The Office’. But a sharp knock on my door interrupted my plans of relaxation.

I approached the door, assuming that Y/N had forgotten her key inside after I had locked it behind her. But the familiar face of Sam Wilson surprised me as I found him on the other side. “Sam?”

“How’ve you been, man? “ Sam smiled.

“How do you know where I live?” I returned a smile hesitantly, wondering if the others had sent him as one last resort to connect.

“I saw Y/N on the street.” He replied casually, and my shoulders relaxed slightly. “She thought it would be a good idea for me to visit!”

“Of course. Come on in.” I stepped aside, letting him into our apartment and shutting the door gently. “I haven’t heard from you in months. Where have you been?”

“Long term mission abroad.” Sam sighed, sitting down on the couch. “It was quite an interesting experience. But not as interesting as finding out you moved out of the compound. What happened?”

I froze slightly at his words. “Did Steve send you?”

“Can’t I just be concerned about my friend?” Sam replied, scoffing slightly.

“I’m not saying you can’t.” I snorted, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch. “But this feels like an interrogation. I have had enough of those to last a life time.”

“I did speak to Steve, but he only gave me a few details. But I also don’t want to hear just one side. I want to hear from you.” Sam replied, glancing at me. “You two are incredibly close and now you live far apart from each other. What happened?”

All that had happened began to play again through my mind. The article published, the attitude shifts from the others, the gunshot to my shoulder, finding Y/N with the medicine bottle in hand. It was almost too hard to handle. But I willed myself to speak, telling my friend all that had happened.

“How can I forgive him for this?” I asked, my voice cracking slightly. “How can I forgive all of them for this? They did not give her a chance to explain herself, and made her feel like she was worthless. I could’ve lost her forever.”

“How does Y/N feel about this?” Sam prompted gently.

“She wants me to reach out to Steve.” I sighed, sinking back into the couch. “I don’t know how she can forgive him so easily, after all that has happened.”

“Y/N talked to me too, Bucky.” My eyes flickered over to Sam, surprised by his words. “She is worried about you, deeply. “

“I’m doing just fine.” I scoffed, but slightly concerned by his words. How had I not known she was worried about me?

“So you say.” Sam replied, almost skeptically. “Don’t you miss everyone? Steve at least?”

“Of course I have!” I bristle slightly, my metal fist clenching slightly. “But how do I move on from this?”

“I know you can’t immediately forgive the others for this, and that is understandable.” Sam spoke firmly. “But you can’t stay this angry forever. It will destroy you.”

“I can be as angry as I damn well please!” I snapped, glaring at him. “They almost caused her to end her life!”

“Bucky-“

“No!” I rose from the couch, a wave of rage flowing over me. “You don’t get it, and why would you? It wasn’t your wife!”

“No, but she is my friend!” Sam did not move, keeping his gaze steady with mine. “And she is scared that she is losing you, Bucky!”

“I need you to leave.” I shake my head, walking to the door and pulling it open. “Now.”

Sam clenched his jaw slightly but did not respond as he rose from the couch before walking to the door. Just as he was about to step through into the hall, Y/N appeared with a handful of grocery bags in hand. Her smile of greeting faded as she sensed the tension in the room. “What’s-“

“Please leave, Sam.” I repeated firmly, watching him leave before shutting the door behind him. “Why did you invite him here?”

“Maybe because he’s one of your friends and you could use a visit from one?” Y/N walked into the kitchen, placing the groceries on the counter before turning to me. “Why did you throw him out of our apartment?”

“Because everyone is insisting that I must forgive Steve!” I snapped, my jaw clenched. “I can’t even fathom how you can stand the thought of him!”

“Bucky, I still haven’t forgive him yet! It’s too hard!” I shake my head as I watched him through pained eyes. “But I’m not as angry anymore. You can’t let this anger consume you!”

“I heard the exact same thing from Sam.” I let out a bitter laugh. “I can be as angry as I want!”

“Bucky…”

“Did you coordinate this with Sam? Steve too?” I scoffed, not even hiding my anger anymore. “Why are you working with the people who want you dead?”

Y/N’s face went blank for a moment before her eyes filled with hurt. Deep hurt. I had never regret speaking as I quickly as I did in that moment.

“Alright.” Her voice was quiet, trembling slightly as she picked up her purse from the counter. “Dinner’s on the counter. I’m going to go stay somewhere else for the night.”

“Y/N…” My voice cracked as I reached out to grab her hand, but she slipped away from my touch and out the door, slamming it hard behind her.

I walked over to the couch, sitting back down quietly before the first tears began to fall. I could not remember when they stopped, if ever. Perhaps the anger had already destroyed me. And perhaps I had already lost the love of my life because of it.

=====

TAGLIST (from the last part! If you wanted to be added or removed, just let me know lol)

@missvelvetsstuff

@erinallene

@ladyalexandranna

@angelwatson

@buckyalpine

@ada728

@bwhitewolfbarnes

@kjah97

@ineverybreathofyou

@sarbear94

[ponderingmoonlight]

Heyyy! I wanted to say i rlly luv your fanfic and it would be great if you wrote a nanami kento one with prompt 6 🩵✨

There you go! Sorry this took me quite some, guess I'm too much of a hurt writer. But since 3 people requested prompt 6 with Nanami, I just couldn't let this one slide. Hope you like it though <3 I also added Promp 64 to this! 6. "I'm not crying. It's not worth crying." 64. "Don't be stupid, I'm not leaving you."

Beautiful mistake

Pairing: Nanami Kento x fem!reader

Word Count: 1,8k

Synopsis: You are in a secret but healthy relationship with none other than Nanami Kento despite being the sunshine to his rain. Until one day, you accidentaly spoil your secret to Gojo Satoru.

Warning: None, slight language like always

Your heart is pounding against your ribcage. The sun has just set, which means he’ll be here any second. You nervously fumble on the hem of your sundress. Do you look good? Hopefully he likes your new dress.

It’s always weird to meet outside of Jujutsu High in everyday clothes. Of course you should be used to it by now, considering that it’s been like this for two years now. Nanami and you decided it is best to keep your relationship private, far away from work. Therefore no one knows about your meetings late at night or the fact that you basically live at Nanami’s place. And this is just fine, perfect the way it is.

“There you are, sweetheart. Is this dress new? It suits you very well.”

The sound of his voice alone sends shivers down your spine, you greet your boyfriend with a wide grin and a tight hug. As usual, he smells absolutely breathtaking good. You need to finally ask him about his perfume.

“Glad you came”, you reply, face buried in his suit.

You love the fact that he’s always wearing suits, it definitely does something to you.

“You know I would never miss spending an evening with you. Here, I just couldn’t show up empty-handed.”

He hands you a gorgeous bouquet of purple, white and rose flowers, perfectly arranged and coordinated. You smile to yourself, taking in the delicious scent of lavender that now hangs in the air. Words can’t express how much you love the man standing in front of you. Even if he acts aloof and uninterested, he has a heart of gold. Suddenly you feel overwhelmed by your feelings, tears water your eyes. Unlike Nanami, you are terrible at hiding your feelings.

“I’m not going to cry”, you whisper to yourself, fanning air into your face to stop the tears from running.

“It’s not worth crying, I bring you flowers almost every time. But I’m glad you like them.”

Strange how your frequent bursts of emotion don’t bother him at all while everyone else is getting on is nerves. You truly are something special for him, the sunshine that scared away his rain, the joy that helps him to overcome his numbness. You are a gift, a true sweetheart, loved by everyone who knows you. Maybe this is the reasons why no one seems to even notice the chemistry between you two when working together as jujutsu-sorcerers. You are an absolutely poor liar, bad at hiding your feelings and the blush that creeps up your cheeks whenever you look at him. Even an untrained eye would be able to see your affection towards him – everyone expect members of Jujutsu High, as it seems.

“How was your day? Did your mission go well?”

“Oh, not at all. I’m glad you weren’t assigned to accompany me”, he signs and takes off his glasses.

Your hand gently brushes through his thick blonde hair. You can tell by one look at his tired gaze that this day was rough.

“Maybe I would have been able to help you.”

He gifts you a small but gentle smile, hands wrapped around your waist.

“Sure, but I just can’t risk you getting hurt because of helping me.”

“You know that’s also my job, right?”, you tease him.

“And you know that your job sucks, right?”

You can’t help but giggle at his response, the warm feeling in your chest keeps growing and growing. How is it that one man can make your life feel so much better just by his sheer existence? You simply cannot imagine carrying on without Nanami anymore.

“And you know that I love you, right?”

Your hands gently cup his face while your body aches to close the minimal distance between your bodies. Oh, how much you’d love to stay in this position forever, for the sun to never go down this evening. But you know all too well that tomorrow will be an exhausting day with a meeting of all higher up jujutsu-sorcerers that you and Nanami have to attend. It would be foolish to stay here any longer. But still you want to let these delicious seconds of togetherness melt on your tongue.

“Well, considering you already told me 13 times today alone, I sure hope so”, he replies before pressing his soft lips against yours.

You simply can’t believe it. The man that is holding you is the love of your life, the one you want to marry someday, the only one who has the key to your heart. Even though you are the complete opposite of him, even though no one seems to even be aware of the fact that you are in a relationship, you are absolutely mesmerized and obsessed with him.

“I hate to say it, but I think it’s better to get home. After all, we have to be up early in the morning for that stupid meeting”, he growls against your lips, face twisted in annoyance.

“How much I hate it when you’re right”, you sign while taking in his delicious scent.

“But that happens quite often. Come on, I’ll cook us dinner tonight.”

-Next day-

“There you are, golden girl!”, Gojo cries out in excitement as soon as you enter the room.

You gift him a breathtaking smile. In some way, you and Satoru are pretty similar to each other. Almost always in a good mood while wearing a bright smile on your faces along with loving a good joke and the company of other people. But unlike him, you tend to be quiet in your own way, only opening up around people you know and love.

“Nice to see you again. How have you been Gojo?”

The sincerity that glitters in your striking eyes is always a blessing for everyone around. You are so real, tender and kind in this cruel world that it’s sometimes hard to believe that you are able to survive in it.

“I’m doing better since you came here, (y/n).”

You giggle at his light-hearted comment, very aware of the fact that he’s just trying to tease you. Although you know that Gojo is very easy on women, you never felt more than sympathy for him. After all, you laid your eyes on someone else this whole time…

Oh, where’s Kento?

He told you this morning that there’s something he has to take care of, but it’s very untypically for him to show up late. Worry lines appear on your effortless features. Did you miss something? Did he maybe tell you about a meeting?

“Why do you look so worried, (y/n)?”, Gojo questions.

“I’m just wondering about Nanami-san…Normally, he’s never late”, you mumble while racking your brain.

To be honest, you’re pretty forgetful, without your boyfriend you wouldn’t even be here right now. But something important like a reason for being late wouldn’t escape you, right?

“Who knows? He never tells anyone about his private life anyway.”

Lost in thoughts, you slowly but surely fall into panic mode. Something has to be wrong. This behavior doesn’t suit him at all.

“Hey, I’m sure he’s fine, (y/n). Nanami is a tough guy”, Gojo tries to calm your tingling nerves down.

But it doesn’t work. Frantically, you swipe over your phone, desperately trying to find an excuse in one of his text messages – nothing. You try to call him multiple times only to be greeted by his mailbox.

Oh no, this is bad. This is very very bad. Something must have happened, you just know it.

“I should now if he has something to do, I mean, I’m his girlfriend after all. It’s kinda my job to know these things-“

Gojo stares at you wide eyed, mind trying to process the information that just came out of your mouth. Did you really just call Nanami your boyfriend? This can’t be true…right?

“(y/n)”, he interrupts your babbling, your innocent eyes darting at him immediately.

“Did you just call Nanami your boyfriend?”

Your heart sinks to the floor, mind going completely blank. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. You were so lost in thoughts that you accidentally spoiled your secret relationship of two years to none other than Gojo Satoru.

“Gojo, please don’t freak out”, you beg.

“So it’s true? Oh god, I can’t believe it. That are some pretty fucked up new. How long?”

“How long what?”

Kento is going to hate you for this. From all the people you could have told about your secret, why on earth did it have to be Gojo Satoru? Your face goes pale just thinking about your boyfriend’s reaction.

What if…What if he doesn’t want to be with you anymore? Your thoughts are raising, eyes getting wetter and wetter the more you think about what you just did. This was your little secret, the only thing you had to do was keeping it to yourself. And you? You ruined everything by mindlessly telling Gojo about it.

“Sorry I’m late, the traffic-“

“Nanami, when did you plan on telling me about your relationship with (y/n)? You have to be kidding, right? How the hell did you pull her?”, Gojo blurts out immediately.

You are on the brink of tears, Kento's eyes darting towards you without emotion.

“None of this is of your business. Let me talk to (y/n) alone for a second, we’ll be with you soon”, he instructs the white-haired man with firm voice.

“Only if you promise that you’ll tell me every little dirty detail about this.”

“Leave. Now.”

“Urgh, what a bummer…”

You swallow hardly, your gaze glued to the floor while you try to blink away your hot tears.

“How did this happen?”, he questions, his well-polished shoes standing right in front of you.

“I-I…I was so w-worried about y-you that I panicked and…and then it j-just slipped out…”, you stutter.

“Huh, I understand.”

Your eyes dart up at him.

“Are you going to leave me now?”, you cry out, tears now running down your cheeks uncontrollably.

Kento tilts his head and steps forward, hand gently cupping your face.

“Don’t be stupid, I’m not leaving you. Sooner or later, he would have found out anyway”, he responses.

You wrap your still trembling arms around him tightly, tears soaking into his fine suit.

“I’m really sorry”, you mutter into his chest.

It’s like a massive weight falls from your heart. For the split of a second, you really thought he’ll end things with you right here and now. You simply can’t afford to lose him, Kento is your ray of sunshine on rainy days, you love him with all of your heart and more.

“Please, don’t be. I should be sorry for you worrying about me. Be prepared for Gojo’s constant teasing though. These will be hard times.”

He brushes a soft kiss against your lips, a tender smile on his face. God, how much you feel for this man. More than any words could ever express.

“We’ll get through this together”, you reply.

“Yes. Like always.”

[sseosapphic]

hi bb <3 can i req soft sex and aftercare with soyeon? little lion’s been through so much, i just wanna take care of her and worship her 😞

(ps i’m not sure if you do anons but if you do, then can i be 🐶 anon? tyy <3)

༊*·˚ All about you tonight

Jeon Soyeon X F reader

of course 🐶 anon!,tysm for this req,i totally agree,she truly deserves the world,i hope you enjoy this darling<3

includes; soft sex,switch soyeon & switch reader,praising,body worship/general worship,pet names,aftercare and fluff (things to note Y/N and soyeon live with only soojin,for the sake of this soojin was originally Y/Ns roommate beforehand)

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. . -

!

your ears had perked up at the front door creaking open,quickly shutting the laptop closed and running towards the living room where the noise was.

you were met with Soyeon who was settling in the house,a smile quickly lifted up on your lips

“Soyeonnie,how was your day? Soojin isn’t home yet,she texted me that she’ll be home a bit later!”

Soyeon entered the kitchen,heading to make herself something to eat,smiled briefly before replying back to you “hm..”

“my day was alright,schedule was busy and a bit stressful but it was good nonetheless,and thank you for letting me know about soojin-ah coming home later! How was yours Y/N?

following behind her into the kitchen, wrapping your hands around her waist,resting your chin into the crook of her neck.

“my day was pretty good,boring but good nonetheless,just the usual stuff. Is there anything on your mind besides just the day being busywork? You know i can tell when something’s up ,you should know this by now..”

Soyeon responded by rolling her eyes in a playful manner “Ah- You do know me too well by now..” she stopped unpacking her food before it could become fully opened,and turned to face you fully. “I guess i just haven’t had any time to fully relax..working back to back,i’ve been feeling a bit tense lately..” she sighed relaxing her ,what seemed to be tense shoulders..

your smile turned into a small frown for a second before pulling her closer to you by the waist. “My lion why didn’t you mention anything about this before? You know i’m always here for you , i know it can be hard but i don’t want you dealing with all this stress alone. I know you’re so strong but sometimes having someone is helpful!” pecking her forehead aswell as pushing some of her hair behind her ear.

she gave a soft smile , she seemed to be more at ease now. “i know ,im sorry Y/N- you really know how to make me cheer up , you truly are the best person anyone could ever have..” she gave you a quick peck on the lips ,that you had quickly returned back.

As if a lightbulb popped over your head , an idea flashed through your mind , “Soyeon-ah come on let’s go to your room quickly!” before letting her respond,you dragged her towards her own bedroom,locking the door behind the two of you.

“Y/N-ah,what’s this about?” she questioned sitting on her bed

“i want to make it all about you tonight ,you deserve it soyeon-ah.” Straddling the meek girls lap, hands wrapping around her neck one hand pushing hair out of her soft face,she seemed a little caught off guard,but a smile appearing onto her face.

Hands now pulling you closer ,wrapping tightly around your waist,the both of you were so close to each-others bodies. Feeling un-steady breathing on both sides.

“Take your mind off some things,help you feel a bit better you know,plus you deserve it ,my lion” She smiled with a bit more of a sly expression to it , “that doesn’t sound so bad,you sure my love?”

Nodding almost instantly to her question,giddy she chuckled a bit to your instant response. Eyes Rolling playfully,stopping her giggles by quieting her lips with your own. Feeling your soft lips on hers own made Soyeon let out a soft whine.

Now pulling Soyeon down onto your knee,making her gain friction to feel more pleasure.

“Y/N-ah,please..” she whined out,trying to gain some sort of friction between herself and your knee.

“patience baby,it’s all about my baby tonight..”

slowly starting to kiss her neck,giving slow kisses down her neck,gaining breathy moans every now and then from the now needy girl,as she still tried to grind down onto y/ns thigh.

Laying Soyeon down onto the bed ,now removing each-others clothing ,until both of you are left in nothing but a bra and panties. Soyeon in only her black laced panties.

“So beautiful..every part of you is so fucking gorgeous,i could stare at you for decades.”

kissing down from her chest to where her panties lay on her body,you look up at the girl for permission,She nods her head letting you know to continue.

Pulling the lacy panties to the side with your teeth,now admiring how beautiful she really is. Not wanting to stare forever,you look back up at her while licking at her wet cunt,earning a loud gasp from Soyeon.

“F-Fuck..”

kidding at her inner thighs now,then going back to lick and kiss at her pretty cunt,making sure not to miss any bit of wetness that she leaked,wanting to taste every drop of the girl like it was your last meal.

“so good a-ah~!.. right there!!”

detaching yourself from her now-puffy cunt,inserting two fingers with ease instead now.

“oh you mean here?”

sucking and kissing at her clit,while looking at her from below. “A-ah~! yes fu-fuck..’m gonna cum..”

fingers going at a faster rate than before , you go to Soyeons ear nipping at her neck before whispering at her. “Cum for me ,pretty girl..” sending soyeon over the edge ,moaning while scratching at your back. Feeling her tighten around your fingers was a sensation to never forget.

pulling out of the girl slowly , to only bring your fingers up towards your own mouth and lick and suck every inch of your fingers that were just inserted in the girl. Taking them out your mouth now ,bringing Soyeon into a kiss making her taste herself.

“Your taste is addictive..now you understand why i can’t get enough?”

Nodding with a giggle ,she flipped you to where she was ontop of you now.

“My turn.”

Diving right towards your neck,biting and kissing your collarbone making sure to leave marks anywhere she pleased. When soyeon reached towards your boobs,she started to lick and kiss one nipple while pinching and playing with the other.

“S-Soyeon..”

Looking up while her mouth was firmly attached to your breasts , now biting down a bit to cause even more of a reaction,which was achieved when you moaned out really loudly.

Now detaching herself she cuddled up onto your chest with a rather tired look plastered on her face.

“Feeling sleepy…” Letting out a small chuckle you held her close and fell asleep together..

[fartcushion]

Lockdown Bubble - Part 2

The next day I came downstairs before Antony and made breakfast, sittng at the table with my back to the counters and munching away as he walked in. "Morning" he said cheerfully, and I waved a response while swallowing a mouthful of cereal.

"Morning, got anything planned today?", and took in another bite.

"Not really. Weekends aren't the same during lockdown. Day in front of the TV again I guess" he replied busying himself behind my head making his own breakfast. As he bent down to get the milk he let out a short fart. "Oh excuse me! That just slipped out".

Desperately trying to swallow the cereal before I retched it out from the smell, I leaned as far away as I could get. "Oh man, not another one, why do your farts smell so bad?"

"My diet isn't that great" Antony shrugged, then gave his belly a jovial wobble as if to emphasize the point. "If you think my farts are bad, just wait until I've done one of those home work out vids. Now they build up a sweat"

"I'll stay clear of that then until you shower!"

"Who knows, might be something else you learn to love. Like my farts", and that devilish grin returned.

I turned around to deny that I would never, but realised too late the huge mistake it was. Antony had purposely bent forward on the counter with his ass aimed directly at my head in hope his bait would work. As I turned to face him he released another quick airy fart right at me.

Ppfftt

Antony was beside himself laughing. In disgust I shot out the chair to wash my face in the sink. "Omg, so gross!"

"Aww I'm sorry, I was just having a laugh. Didn't mean to get you right in the face. Good job your mouth was closed ay, otherwise you'd have been swallowing last night's dinner again". He chuckled as he sat and ate his breakfast.

I finished drying myself and sat back to finish breakfast. "I'm beginning to think you have a thing for farts the way you keep subjecting me to then"

Antony chewed in thoughtful silence for a moment before responding, "nah, not the farting itself. I just aren't bothered by them like you are. But what I do like is humiliation, subjecting others to it. Like some people love having their feet worshipped, I don't care about it particularly, but if a guy hates feet then that's what I want them doing. I get off on that power". I was stunned by the honesty.

"That being said I am also very good at figuring out what someone truly desires. So either my farts will be a good punishment for you, or they'll be something you secretly crave". And he carried on eating as if he hadn't just dropped a bombshell.

"I can guarantee that I do not want your farts, they're certainly not my thing. And I'm not a big fan of feet either come to that matter"

Again Antony smirked while finishing his cereal. "Dont worry, we will only be vanilla then if that's what you want. I just thought last night you said you would be an obedient slave"

I felt oddly insulted. Was I vanilla? Surely there was a large gap between just wanting to suck a cock or sit on a dick, and having to be subjected to Antony's gaseous assaults. And I was ashamed to admit it, but every time he called me a slave I could feel my dick start to throb. Maybe I could help satisfy his need to dominate without going too far.

"I'm not vanilla! Just maybe you're a lot more experienced than me. I want to please, sir". I paused while giving an innocent doll eyed look, "but maybe, don't be too mean?"

"Of course not, wouldn't want you leaving here. And as a show of good will, how about you suck my cock?" Antony offered.

I felt relieved. It was stupid, but I didn't want to be boring and we'd both said how much fun being a bubble with benefits would be so I didn't want to look like I was bailing on it.

I pushed my chair out and slid under the table. Antony opened his legs so I could get at his crotch. He was wearing the same boxers as yesterday having not changed. The smell of the sweat from the night's sleep and a bit of dried cum was noticeable. Again I didn't want to be a buzz kill so without I protest pulled his fat cock out of the flap. Once in my mouth it started to harden and I began to work it.

Antony leaned back looking under the table at me slobbering on his cock. "Oh damn that feels good. Though I forgot to warn you that I needed a piss..."

My eyes must have shot open in terror. But before I could pull away Antony had slid his large hand to the back of my head and I felt a hard grip hold me in place.

"...I'm kidding! Would I do that to you? Keep sucking on that cock bitch, don't you dare stop when it feels this good"

The grip didn't let off but I felt reassured enough to carry on. Humiliation was one thing, but he wouldn't force me drink his piss surely.  His hand forced me down so the cock was slamming the back of my throat, and he began convulsing in the chair as he came. I swallowed quickly as he held me there for a minute before letting him go, making sure I got every drop.

"Ah, what a way to start the day. Think you can manage that as your new morning routine?"

I scrambled up off the floor. "Erm, yeh I guess, might be in a rush for work if you're not up early enough".

"Ah don't worry, I've got an idea for that". Without further comment on the matter he went to watch TV. I stood there for a moment. Unsure what to make of the morning. I was also sad that I'd not been given chance to come. I did consider excusing myself to go have a wank. But thought best save it. If I didn't want to look frigid, or vanilla, I'd want to stay horny. But how hard could it be to please Antony's needs?

[moonlightdarlings]

giving them a surprise hug | the bad batch

a/n: pics not mine! this was genuinely relaxing to write! i’m so sorry this is late- i had such bad writers block and i didn’t want to post anything that i'm not proud of. nonnie, i hope this meets what you wanted and of course, thank you for requesting 🫶🏼🥰

crosshair

the shock! the surprise! he didn't expect you, of all people, to come up and suddenly hug him. it's all very welcome though since he absolutely adores you, but you don't know that. his crush on you is just amplified when you make moves on him.

"get off me. do you have glue on your arms or something?"

“no. you’re stuck with me,” you defiantly replied, “whether you like it or not.”

“well…uh. you’re welcome to stay in my arms,” he softy mumbles.

later in the day, he ends up spilling to you that he’s liked you since you first insulted him. he’s just glad you’re as crazy about him as he is about you.

tech

he doesn’t know how to respond when you come behind him and hug him. he definitely knows that his heart beats faster with you around but he’d rather keep that to himself. he's so in love with you and he's such a softie.

“may i ask why you are hugging me?”

“i like you, tech.”

oh. OH. his brain stops functioning a little after hearing before asking, “did i hear that right?”

he smiles softly to himself as he whispers back, "i like you too, darling." you don't know yet, but he's already daydreaming about the moments you'll share together as a couple.

echo

echo thinks you're so cute when you ran in front of him to give him a massive hug. but somehow, your hugs always last a little longer each time. he knows you have a crush on him, and he knows his feelings toward you.

"you're comfy."

"oh? does that make me your new pillow then?" he teased.

"perhaps..." you muse.

his eyes soften upon realizing that you'd be his forever, quietly whispering, "i think i love you."

"did you say something, echo?"

he smiles at you in response, no words are needed for his feelings anymore.

wrecker

as someone who likes both you and physical affection, wrecker is so happy about the hug. he's not shocked either about you coming to his side and hugging him. in fact, he appreciated your hug as he had just finished a mission that involved high-stress levels and heights.

“just what i needed.”

“what?” you inquire, “a hug? or you mean- my hug?”

"well- i mean, your hugs do feel nice but i prefer your hugs."

you glance up at him, smiling softly as you admire how pretty his eyes are. he knows you're staring, and he knows that you're definitely his future. you make him feel at home, truly loved and that's a bonus in his eyes.

hunter

he’s always admired you from afar. due to his heightened senses, he wasn’t too shocked about you sneaking up behind him, wrapping your arms around his chest. he relished the moments with you, as life seemed to slow down when he was with you. 

“oh? what’s this?” 

“just a hug for my favorite person,” you giggle, “you’re warm.” 

"my waist is free real estate..uh if you'd like another hug?" he states slowly, scratching the back of his neck, not knowing what to do with his hands now that they aren't around you.

you end up confessing your crushes to each other at the same time.

a/n: hi! this is later than i would've preferred to post this, but late is better than never :) i really loved writing the dialogue for this and i was inspired by the kdramas i'm currently invested in! i hope you enjoy and thanks for reading 🫶🏼

[skywalker1dream]

part 3 of spin the bottle series

note: so I'm having bad day, but I hope that you are having good day ;)

part one | part two| part three| part four | part five

warnings:you tell me, Im not good with warnings.

----------------

As the weeks passed and Carlos asked you to be his girlfriend, you felt a rush of excitement and happiness, eager to deepen your connection. However, his request for secrecy about your relationship left you feeling conflicted, as you longed to share your joy with your loved ones.

Despite your disappointment, you respected Carlos's wishes, trusting that he had his reasons. But as time went on, his behavior began to change. Carlos became increasingly touchy and possessive, his actions leaving you feeling suffocated and unsure.

One evening, as you sat together in silence, the tension between you palpable, you finally mustered the courage to confront Carlos about his behavior.

"Carlos, we need to talk," you began, your voice tinged with apprehension. "I've noticed that you've been acting differently lately, and it's starting to worry me."

Carlos shifted uncomfortably, his eyes avoiding yours as he fidgeted with his phone. "I… I know," he replied, his voice strained. "I've just been feeling frustrated, you know?"

You frowned, a sense of unease settling in the pit of your stomach. "Frustrated? What do you mean?"

Carlos sighed, his shoulders slumping as he finally met your gaze. "I… I want more from our relationship," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "I want to be closer to you, physically."

Your heart sank at his words, realization dawning on you. "Carlos, you know I can't," you said softly, your voice filled with sadness. "I thought you understood and respected that."

Carlos nodded, a flicker of guilt crossing his features. "I do, I really do," he insisted. "But it's been hard for me, waiting."

You took a deep breath, struggling to process his confession. "I understand, but that doesn't excuse your behavior," you replied, your voice tinged with frustration. "I need you to respect my boundaries, as I am respecting yours Carlos. This isn't fair to me."

Carlos's expression softened, regret shining in his eyes as he reached out to take your hand. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I'll try to do better, I promise."

But despite his words, you couldn't shake the feeling of doubt that lingered in your mind. As the weeks went on, Carlos's possessiveness only seemed to escalate. He was constantly texting his friends, even during your dates or while you were spending time together at home. And no matter how much you tried to talk to him about it, he brushed off your concerns, insisting that everything was fine.

As the strain in your relationship grew, you couldn't help but wonder if things would ever go back to how they used to be. And as you lay awake at night, watching Carlos sleep beside you, you couldn't shake the feeling of unease that gnawed at your heart, wondering if you were truly meant to be together.

As you strolled through the park together, the gentle breeze and the rustle of leaves provided a soothing backdrop to your conversation. Carlos seemed relaxed, his usual tension replaced by a sense of ease that put you at ease as well.

"Carlos, can we talk about something?" you began, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between you.

"Of course," he replied, turning to look at you with a warm smile.

You took a deep breath, gathering your thoughts before speaking. "I've been thinking about our relationship, about how we've been keeping it a secret," you said, your voice steady despite the nerves that fluttered in your stomach. "How long do we have to keep it this way?"

Carlos's expression softened, a hint of sadness flickering in his eyes. "I know it hasn't been easy," he replied, his voice tinged with regret. "But for now, I think it's best if we continue to keep things between us."

You felt a pang of disappointment at his response, the weight of secrecy pressing down on you like a heavy burden. "But why, Carlos? Why can't we be open about our relationship?"

Carlos sighed, his gaze drifting to the ground as he struggled to find the right words. "It's complicated," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "There are things going on in my life that I'm not ready to share with everyone yet."

You reached out to gently squeeze his hand, offering him a reassuring smile. "I understand, Carlos," you said softly. "I just wish we could be honest with the people we care about."

Carlos met your gaze, gratitude shining in his eyes as he squeezed your hand in return. "I know, and I'm sorry," he replied sincerely. "But I promise, one day, we'll be able to shout our love from the rooftops."

You smiled, feeling a glimmer of hope stir within you at his words. "I'll hold you to that," you said, your voice filled with determination.

And as you continued to walk through the park together, hand in hand, you couldn't help but feel a sense of optimism for the future. Despite the challenges you faced, you knew that as long as you had each other, you could weather any storm that came your way.

---------------

its short vey short I separated parts bc it would be longer and it seems that my drafts can't hold that amount of words, I mean.....my finished fics have some parts missing... I have no idea how is that possible..but I hope I can fix it somehow

bye

- sent from my ipheon ;)

[schrijverr]

You Must Be the Husband

Divergence from chapter 15, where Maddie knows Eddie is married to Buck when she arrives at the 118. However, she didn’t get the memo that she shouldn’t acknowledge that at work, so blows it in front of everyone when Buck introduces her to the team.

On AO3.

Ships: Buddie (pre-slash), Madney (pre-slash)

Warnings: implied domestic violence, implied internalized homophobia, mistaken homophobia

~~~

Chimney can take a lot, but watching Buck play firetruck simulator is its own special brand of painful. Seriously, how someone can be that bad at a game is truly miraculous, so Chimney has to let him know by insulting him with his most creative ones. It’s a hobby.

Then a voice calls out a greeting from below and Chimney nearly gets headbutted on the nose with how fast Buck looks up. He would make a comment about it, but he’s distracted by the voice saying: “I’m his sister, Maddie,” which explains why Buck is already at the banister.

In an awed voice that sounds fragile-y close to disbelieving, Buck says: “Maddie?”

Immediately Chimney shares a look with Hen. A sister? Buck had been a bit of a closed book about his parents and they assumed it was a sore spot and hadn’t pushed too much. When it came to family, they all knew not to be too nosy, but a whole sister? This is intriguing.

Hen nods and together they move towards the banister to see for themselves. Eddie is already fitting in well, having gone to see what’s up a beat before he and Hen even could.

When he peers over Eddie’s shoulder, Chimney’s breath is taken away. Down below is one of the most beautiful women he’s ever seen, lighting up the room with her smile. “Oh my god, Evan.”

Evan.

Wow, Chimney doesn’t think he’s ever heard anyone refer to Buck as Evan. He remembers Buck telling them the name shift happened due to the academy having too many Evans. Either his sister is exempt from calling him Buck, didn’t get the memo or hasn’t talked to Buck in over a year.

Whatever the case, Buck doesn’t seem to care, running for the pole and sliding down as he says: “What-What are are you doing here? Oh my god!”

Buck sweeps her up into a big hug, lifting her from the ground and making her giggle. The noise is so angelic that Chimney doesn’t care how long she hasn’t talked to Buck or what her answer is to why she’s here, as long as she stays.

Then he has a minor crisis, because Maddie is a beauty and Chimney is kind of blown away by it, but watching Maddie and Buck check each other over after they lean back from their hug, makes him realize that Maddie is indeed Buck’s sibling. Suddenly they look very similar and Chimney doesn’t know if he’s going to be able to look Buck in the eye after this.

Luckily, Buck snaps him out of his crisis by asking: “You got this address form the cards? So you did get them?”

Intrigued they await Maddie’s response. They’re trying to figure out why they have never heard him mention a sister before and they’re all nosy enough to want to know more now that the opportunity presents itself.

Maddie grimaces apologetically, but she sounds pretty casual when she replies: “I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch much lately.”

Maybe they just drifted apart and they finally have time for each other again, maybe it’s not that bad. But, going off Buck’s look that might also not be true, which is confirmed when he scoffs: “Years, Maddie. I haven’t heard from you in years.”

Chimney looks at Hen, who is already giving him a look back. Whatever Buckley family drama they have going on, it’s juicy. And goes deep.

When Maddie speaks again, something feels wrong in Chim’s chest. Her voice sounds off, horribly empty like no one should sound, especially compared with how she sounded before. “Yeah, I know. And it’s not what I wanted.”

Buck must have more information, because he takes the reply without getting angry at how dismissive it could sound. Instead, he sounds apprehensive, though also hopeful, as he asks: “Where’s Doug?”

“Don’t know, don’t care,” Maddie responds, sounding like before again. Happy and proud.

“You left him? Finally!” Buck exclaims excitedly.

“Uh-huh,” Maddie nods pridefully with a big grin on her face.

Dread, meanwhile, fills Chimney’s stomach, shared with those around him. They’ve all worked in this line of work for long enough to piece together who Doug is and why Buck would be excited about her leaving him.

This feeling only grows as Buck softly asks: “Do mom and dad know?” and Maddie answers: “No one knows. And please don’t tell them if they call. I don’t want anyone to know that I’m here.”

The answer only makes the situation more grim and if Chimney knows these people – and he likes to think he does, even Eddie though he’s new – then they’re all in agreement; the 118 will welcome Maddie with open arms and keep her safe.

Bobby communicates that to Buck when he catches his eyes as he aims for casual when responding to Maddie. “Kind of sounds like you’re hiding out.”

“No,” Maddie assures him, deflecting, “more like laying low.”

At this point, they’ve reached the top of the stairs and Chimney quickly moves to fake a conversation with Hen, all of them pretending they hadn’t been eavesdropping and are being interrupted in what they were doing to greet Maddie.

“Hi, everyone, I’m sorry, I don’t know if I know your names, but I’m Maddie. I’m Evan’s older sister,” she greets with a soft smile and Chimney wonders how someone so beautiful and sweet could be related to Buck.

“These are my coworkers,” Buck quickly steps in, gesturing to all of them as he goes. “This is Bobby, our Captain. This is Chimney and Hen, they’re badass paramedics.” Chimney is grateful for that introduction, because his smile and wave combo probably looks a little stupid. “And this is Eddie.”

However, because life is cruel and the world bleak, Maddie’s eyes light up when Eddie is introduced and she steps towards him first to shake his hand, bypassing everyone else. The Universe hates him and- “You must be the husband.” Wait, what?

A record scratch can almost be heard as everyone processes the sentence.

Eddie is moving to shake her hand, but freezes halfway through the movement, eyes growing wide. Maddie frowns as she takes his limp hand in her own to shake. Before anything else can be said, Buck snaps back into motion, with an awfully fake and awkward chuckle. “Huh, what are you talking about, Maddie?”

Now, Maddie is looking at him with a frown and Buck looks to be having some sort of fit with the way he keeps widening his eyes and moving his eyebrows as if to convey some message. If any of them had bought what he just said – which none of them had, mind you – then they definitely wouldn’t anymore now. Even Eddie, who is definitely involved in this somehow, seems unimpressed with the lie.

Maddie is even more confused than them, her frown deepening. “What? Eddie. Eddie Diaz? That’s your husband, right? I swore you mentioned in your last card that he was a firefighter too.”

“You’re married?” Hen shrieks, breaking out of her stupor first.

With Hen out of her stupor, Chimney follows. “And to him?” Eddie seems a little offended at that.

“Noooo,” Buck says, another failed lie.

“Evan, what’s happening?” Maddie asks, starting to get concerned.

Hen also frowns in concern, saying: “You know we wouldn’t be homophobic, right? We don’t care that you’re gay.”

“I’m not gay,” Eddie scowls, becoming a part of the conversation for the first time.

Buck winces and the others only get more confused. Chimney checks: “So, you’re not Buck’s secret sudden husband, who shares your exact name and occupation?”

Eddie blushes and looks away, before muttering: “No, I am. I’m just not gay.”

“Being bi or pan also isn’t a problem,” Hen says gently.

“I know that, I’m not that either. I’m straight,” Eddie explodes.

Everyone takes a step back at the intensity and Eddie hunches in on himself uncomfortably. Chimney doesn’t know what to think of it and after seeing Hen’s look, he’s a little suspicious of the outburst. But Buck comes to Eddie’s defense. “What Eddie means, is that it’s just a friends thing.”

“You two got married… as friends?” Bobby asks, clearly still trying to keep up with the conversation and trying to figure out what exactly is happening.

“Yes! Yes,” Buck snaps his finger pointing at Bobby. “That. Exactly that. Married as friends.”

“Since when do you two even know each other? You met two months ago,” Chimney says, also confused and trying to figure out what is happening.

“You didn’t tell your coworkers you guys were married?” Maddie exclaims, hands on her hips as she turns to Buck. “Or that you know each other? How did you explain Chris?”

“Who the fuck is Chris?” Hen asks, usually not one to swear, but probably as fed up with the confusion and new reveals as the rest of them.

At that, Maddie seems to explode more, exclaiming: “You didn’t tell them about your kid?”

“Uh, no, it- it didn’t really come up,” Buck stutters, then half muffled he adds: “Purposefully or whatever.”

“What?” Maddie shrieks with a fury that has Chimney realizing many things about himself and feeling a little hot under the collar.

“I said, it didn’t really come up on purpose, Maddie,” Buck yells back, seeming to suddenly snap. “You haven’t been there for years and there were times when I needed you and you weren’t there. I was alone, raising a kid by myself in a town that hated me and the only two people in my corner were halfway across the world and not talking to me. Or do you not remember those cards? You can’t just waltz back in and immediately start judging everything I’ve done for myself.”

If Eddie’s outburst hadn’t been a shock, Buck’s certainly is. Not only does Buck rarely yell, he never gets angry like this, even Eddie seems to need a second.

They’re also trying to process the reveal of a kid, who appears to be Buck’s? Who he’d been raising alone, before Eddie? No, Eddie might have already been there, but halfway across the world. Two people, he mentioned two people. Must be while Eddie was on a tour, but that was already a while ago from what they understood. How long have they known each other?

Eddie snaps out of his stupor first, stepping closer to Buck and placing his hand on the juncture of his neck and shoulder. Now that they know there is something – the details are still muddled – between them, Chimney suddenly notices how familiar the gesture is. How familiar they both are with each other, as Buck leans into it for a second, before pulling himself back together.

Maddie looks to be near tears and Buck is more gentle when he speaks again. “I know, you couldn’t just come and that you would have. I didn’t mean that, I don’t blame you for that. You just threw me off for a bit there. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, Evan, I’m sorry too,” Maddie cries, pulling Buck into a hug. “I know you hate people yelling at you, I shouldn’t have done it. You threw me off too.”

“I can imagine that,” Buck chuckles into the hug, squeezing her once, before letting her go again.

Tentatively, Bobby steps in, directing the conversation into a direction that will get the rest of them the answers they need. Gently he says: “Why don’t we all take a moment. I was about to make lunch, we can sit down and chat, clear everything up.”

Buck and Eddie share a look that clearly shows both are apprehensive about that idea, but the 118 is all curious and Maddie seems to be excited at the prospect of hanging out more with the people her brother had told her all about in his cards, so their fate is sealed.

Once they’re all seated, Hen starts off, asking Buck and Eddie: “So, how long have you guys known each other? Since it’s definitely not two months.”

“Uh, it’s about-” Buck is quiet as he counts for a moment “-three years now? Yeah, three years.”

“And the married thing?” Chimney asks nosily.

“Two years.” It’s Eddie that answers, curtly and doesn’t invite further questions.

However, the 118 has never cared about hostile tones when it comes to nosing about and Buck is a terrible liar, so they turn to him. With Chimney saying: “So, Chris. Is he your kid? Where’s his mom?”

“Uh,” Buck looks awkwardly at Eddie for a moment, then answers: “I mean, legally, he’s mine, and like emotionally.”

They all whip their heads around to Eddie, who is sinking down in his chair, looking like he wants to be anywhere but here. The crossing of his arms makes it clear that he isn’t going to answer any questions they might ask him about it. Naturally, this means they look back to Buck.

Buck looks similar to a deer in headlights and Chimney feels a little bad. However, in the past few minutes they had to process so much new information about him, that he needs this information. He has to have all his ducks in a row, so he can square this new Buck away.

Seriously, in the span of like fifteen minutes, he’s gone from frat boy with a bad relationship with his parents, to having a sister, to having a husband – a husband that is Eddie – to having a kid, to not having a husband, technically, to not having a kid, technically.

“Biologically, he’s Eddie’s and his mom is not in the picture. It’s why we got married, so Eddie could re-deploy while I looked after Chris,” Buck answers quickly and in one breath, before very obviously deflecting: “Anyway, Maddie. I haven’t seen you in forever and this is your first time in LA. Gonna see the sights, hang around for a little bit?”

Despite it being a deflection, he sounds heartbreakingly hopeful and Chimney hopes for Buck’s sake (and his own maybe) that Maddie won’t decline. However, she isn’t meeting any of their eyes as she says: “I’m just passing through.”

“Is it because you don’t have a place to stay?” Buck asks, sending a look to Eddie, who wordlessly picks up on the question, nodding his consent. “Because you can always stay with me and Eddie. You can have my room, I can take the couch or share with Eddie. Right, man?”

“Uh, yeah, yes, of course,” Eddie says. They all saw him nod earlier, so the hesitation has to do with Buck suggesting they share.

Chimney doesn’t know how to feel about it. Eddie never came across as homophobic towards Hen and he must be at least somewhat okay with being perceived as gay, since he married Buck. You need some sort of security in yourself for that, right? But he isn’t acting like it today.

“I’m not going to kick you out of your own bed, Evan,” Maddie tells him, slightly scolding.

“It’s totally fine, I promise,” Buck practically pleads with how desperate he is to keep her in his life, it’s a little sad to watch. “I won’t be out of a bed. Me and Eddie shared a bed before, back in Texas. And Chris would love you. Come on, Mads, you don’t wanna meet your nephew? He’d be thrilled to have an extra tía. His other two are back in Texas.” Maddie hesitates for a moment, and Buck pulls out the puppy dog eyes no one is immune to. “Please, Maddie.”

“If it’s really no intrusion,” she finally gives in, looking at Eddie for confirmation, while next to him Buck lights up like a Christmas tree.

Eddie’s defensiveness and hesitation falls away for a moment as he assures her. “Of course it’s not a problem, Maddie. You’re always welcome in our home.”

“Then maybe I can stay for a little while,” Maddie says, accepting the offer finally.

With that out of the way, Hen decides it’s okay to butt in again and be nosy. “So, you two bought a house together?”

“Yeah, a three bedroom,” Buck answers excitedly. “It was truly an upgrade from our old place. We lucked out, cause the sellers needed it gone. They’ve moved to Europe to be with their grandkids, raised their own children in that house. They had a soft spot for Chris and the man was an army vet himself, so Eddie’s service probably connected with him.”

Chimney is pretty sure Buck has no clue how married he sounds, just being his excitable self. Looking over at Maddie and Hen, they seem to realize the same thing. Even Bobby, who is working on lunch (listening in, because he’s a sneaky bastard, who knows conversations can be different when people forget the Captain is there) has a pained look for Buck on his face. The only person that seems completely oblivious, is Eddie.

Eddie just snorts: “I’m pretty sure, Mrs. Pitchard was just charmed by you. Remember when we came to pick up the keys and she wouldn’t stop squeezing your cheek?”

“Oh shut up,” Buck blushes, though a part of him looks very pleased.

Without his permission, Chimney looks over to Hen to share a look with her. She, naturally, is already sharing a look right back.

When he looks back over to Eddie and Buck again, he catches Maddie’s eyes. For a second, he thinks he’s blown any chance with her by being obviously gossip-y about her baby brother, but then she grins at him and hides a giggle. Chimney’s heart explodes, oh yeah, he so has an in.

Hen, however, is not busy with flirting with Buck’s sister, so she remains on target. “Still, a house together, that’s a huge financial commitment. Why don’t you two rent?”

“Everyone knows buying is better when you can,” Buck says with an air that says he came from an upper middle class family.

“You have that kind of money?” Chimney can’t help but ask, sounding a little surprised. Their firefighter salary isn’t the greatest, though it’s not bad, and before now, neither him nor Eddie had given off the impression of having a lot of money.

“Uh, no, not really,” Buck admits sheepishly. “Eddie got lucky that the house was his in the divorce and we got lucky with the sellers. But we have a pretty big mortgage. It’ll take a while to pay off, especially with all the other childcare costs.”

Maddie sends him a weird look and asks: “What happened to the money mom and dad gave you. Don’t tell me you managed to blow through it all, before even meeting Eddie.”

“No, of course not,” Buck defends himself, looking slightly upset that she’d think that. “That money was for college and I didn’t go to college, remember?”

“They made you give it back?” Maddie exclaims.

“Yeah,” Buck shrugs, like it’s not a big deal. “I didn’t miss it. I worked a lot of different jobs, that was kind of fun. And my lack of money caused me to get stranded in El Paso. Without it, I never would have met Chris, the best Diaz there is.”

Still, despite his blasé attitude, it’s clearly a sore spot. However, before Maddie can press more, Eddie steps in, deflecting: “Hey, shouldn’t I be your favorite Diaz?”

“Tsk, come to me with dinosaur facts and maybe – just maybe – you can begin to compete,” Buck huffs playfully.

That sets Eddie off again and any conversation they had is completely derailed as the two of them bicker- well, they bicker like a married couple. It makes the defensive Eddie from earlier seem even more out of place.

Bobby serves lunch to everyone, cutting the argument off as he takes a seat. “Maddie, I’d love to get to know you better, but first, I do have to ask your brother, why he and Eddie pretended not to know each other.”

“Of course, we’ll meet more properly later,” Maddie smiles. “I’m also a little curious about that, since I seem to have missed that card.”

With so much new information thrown at them, they had all but forgotten about that detail. However, now that Bobby reminded them again, they’re all curious, looking at Buck and Eddie for answers.

Again, Buck takes the lead in explaining, while Eddie pretends that he is anywhere else but here.

“We thought it wasn’t necessary to file fraternization paperwork and stuff, because we’re not actually together, but then it felt weird to pull a good friend out of nowhere that I had never mentioned. Plus, we kind of thought you’d retreat the offer, if you knew we were married, and then we wouldn’t get to work together, so we decided to lie.” He has the decency to look sheepish. “Maybe not our brightest moment.”

All of them blink for few times at the explanation, trying to comprehend that thought process. Chimney thinks Buck’s description was pretty apt: not their brightest moment indeed.

Bobby is the first to speak again, clearing his throat. “Yes, I probably would have retracted the offer,” he confirms. “But you two can work well in the field. I can probably get something worked out.” He pauses for a moment, then adds: “Though, I don’t know if the paperwork for this situation exists.”

Maddie snorts into her hand, chuckling: “Evan, you always find yourself in trouble, don’t you? Still a little rule breaker.” More people laugh at that.

“Shut up,” Buck blushes.

“Nah-uh, I need to hear more about this,” Hen chimes in eagerly.

“Maddie, don’t,” Buck warns.

But Maddie doesn’t listen, lighting up as she tells them embarrassing stories about Buck’s childhood. In spite of his embarrassment, Buck doesn’t seem to mind fully, taking the ribbing with grace and a cheerful look on his face to see Maddie shine the way she does.

Chimney, for one, can’t find it within himself to disagree. Maddie looks stunning when she’s happy and he loves getting to know her better too. In fact, he doesn’t even care about the Eddie and Buck married reveal when she’s here talking instead.

Mentally, he’s already parsing through how weird it would be to be an uncle to Buck and Eddie’s kid. Maybe, he can teach this Chris to be better at firetruck simulator than his dad is.

~~

A/N:

I’m sorry, but ‘straight’ Eddie will always be hilarious to me. Every time I write one of these AUAUs, I am chuckling to myself whenever I write the words ‘Eddie’ and ‘straight’ in the same sentence. It’s just too good. Like, I know you’re a homo, sir, don’t try to hide xp

(don't worry Hen and Chimney will clock the truth in minutes and team up with Maddie to play matchmaker, bc she has to live with their tomfoolery)

[lanawinterscigarettes]

Hiding Away (Clara Oswald x reader)

Summary: when you distance yourself due to insecurities over your body, Clara does her best to make you feel better

Warnings: hurt/comfort, some angst, reader has body image issues but it's not specified why

A/N: I've been feeling pretty down lately due to dysphoria so I decided to be self indulgent and write this to help comfort me. I kept the reasoning behind the reader's body image issues vague so anyone who has troubles or insecurities about how they look can read this. just know that I love and cherish each and every one of you that have difficulties with how you look, regardless of the reason. it's okay if you have trouble accepting your physical body as a part of who you are. you're not broken or any less of a person for it ❤

Clara hadn't seen you all day. In fact, she'd barely seen you the entire week, and while that wasn't entirely uncommon after a disasterous trip with the Doctor (you'd been attacked by the Daleks yet again) it was troubling to her just how little she saw of you.

That's how she ended up standing in front of the bedroom you had on the TARDIS. She really didn't want to pry, but she was starting to get concerned. Plus, she missed you.

Bringing her hand up to the door, she lightly tapped her knuckles against the wood before calling out softly. "Are you in there? It's been awhile since I've seen you and I'm a little worried."

She heard you call out a muffled "I'm fine" through the door. Clara waited in hopes that perhaps you'd elaborate, sighing to herself when you didn't.

"I'm going to come in, if that's alright with you?" She could've said it more as a command, but she posed her words as a question instead, so you'd feel a tad bit more comfortable with her sudden intrusion.

When she still got no answer, she turned the knob and slowly pushed open the door. The lights were out, but from what she could tell you were curled up in a ball on your bed, surrounded by a mountain of blankets.

Clara frowned at the sight, knowing it must be something truly bad to have you acting like this. "Sweetheart?" She called out tentatively as she walked over.

You let out a muffled grunt in response, peeking part of your face out a bit so she could see you. "Hi," you mumbled softly.

She gave you a gentle smile as she took as seat down on the edge of your bed. "Hello, darling. Are you alright?" She carefully asked, bringing her hand up to rest on what she assumed was your back, hoping to comfort you.

"Mm." You closed your eyes and muttered out a soft reply. "I haven't been feeling well recently. Been having problems with my body and how I look."

At your admission of what was really going on, Clara felt her heart break. So that was why you'd been hiding away. "Oh, sweetheart..." She whispered in a sorrowful tone as she knew exactly what you were talking about, even if you didn't say it in so many words. "Darling, I'm so sorry. May I touch you?"

She was careful in asking for your permission to touch you first, knowing how you'd sometimes rather to be comforted from a distance, but much to her delight you nodded your head before letting out a soft "Okay".

She nodded her head in turn before getting down on the bed next to you. As she pulled you close, she was careful not to shift or move your blanket off of you in any way, not wanting to raise your discomfort levels, even by accident.

You allowed her to cradle you close to her chest, nestling against her almost as if you were a small woodland creature who was trying to stay warm for the winter. "Thank you for being here. I really appreciate it," you spoke to her in a quiet voice. "I'm sorry for being so distant lately."

"It's alright, sweetheart. I understand completely, there's no need for you to apologize." Clara leaned her face down and pressed a loving kiss to where she thought your head might be. "I'll be here for as long as you may need me."

You felt as her hand moved up and down your back in a soothing nature while she added, "And just so you know, there's nothing 'wrong' with how you look. I know that might be difficult for you to believe right now, darling, but it's true."

Tears filled your eyes as you felt yourself become emotional. "Thank you..." You choked out while pressing your face into her chest. "Thank you, Clara.... I love you..."

The brunette felt her heart soar when you told her you loved her, even though you'd said it before numerous times. "And I love you," she reply before kissing your head again. "And I'll always be here for you if you need me. Okay?"

You didn't say anything else, but she knew you heard her from the way you grabbed her hand and held it close. The two of you stayed there like that for a good, long while, and even though it didn't diminish your awful feelings completely it did feel nice to have someone there to help take your mind off it, at least for a little while.

Likes < reblogs | comments are greatly appreciated <3

Main masterlist | Doctor Who masterlist | wanna be added to my taglist?

🏷 taglist: @theonetruepotato87 @sessa23

[erzherzog-von-edelstein]

Ahhhh Im really bad at picking out prompts but dying for more 19th century ruspru; it's hard to find any that's good and you do it so incredibly well! Maybe "Things you whispered in my ear" but seriously I'll take anything

Prussia was lying on his side reading a letter by the light of a candle. He felt Russia’s breath on the back of his neck, and it was making it hard to focus on the scrawled handwriting.

Russia whispered in his ear, “That is enough for tonight.”

He reached over Prussia’s head and pinched the wick of the candle, plunging the room into darkness, save what moonlight was filtering in through the windows.

Prussia sighed and put the letter on the side table. He replied, “I was not done yet.”

He could not bring himself to truly be mad, not when he felt Russia’s arm wrap around his waist. He did not care about what the letter nearly as much as he cared about being held.

Russia nuzzled his neck and said, “I know. But I do not want to invite Count von Bismarck into my bed.”

Prussia turned towards him and was momentarily captivated by the way that the moonlight played across Russia’s eyes. He had to take a moment before he responded again, “Vanya, you know I have plans that need my attention.”

Russia softly pulled him closer and said, firmly, “I need your attention. I don’t invite you here so that I can watch you read letters to another man.”

He sounded more frustrated that Prussia had anticipated, and it left him at a loss for how to respond. He had promised that he would not cut off contact with Berlin while he was in St. Petersburg. There was far too much moving too quickly for him to be unavailable for even a day.

Prussia brushed a piece of Russia’s hair away from his eyes and then caressed his face, “It sounds so strange when you put it like that. Don’t tell me that you are jealous of the old man of all people. I love you, and I thought I had made that abundantly clear.”

It sounded absurd to say, and he was certain that Russia could not be implying that there was something romantic going on. But he was clearly jealous of the volume of letters.

He saw a shadow pass over Russia’s face, like he was processing some emotion. He finally seemed to decide on saying, “I do not mean it in that way.”

He paused, chewed on his lower lip like he was choosing his words carefully. He finally said, “I love you, Gilbert. But I am not fond of Preussen the politician. He is stealing time from me.”

Prussia sighed. He was not going to deny it entirely. He had been remarkably busy since the plans in the German states started in motion, but he had not thought that anything had fallen by the wayside.

He absent-mindedly touched Russia’s face as he tried to think of what to say. Russia leaned into the touch, like it had been exactly what he wanted when he snuffed the candle.

Prussia had never been eloquent about his feelings, and he had to fight his gut impulse to be a contrarian. But he knew that he owed Russia a response. He felt the way that the other was holding his hip, like he was afraid of him slipping away and he felt like he understood the anxiety.

Prussia said, trying to make what he imagined to be reassuring eye contact, “I made this trip to see you. I know that I have been busy, but I still want to see you. ”

Russia replied with another small sigh, “And why were you late to dinner? What have you been doing all night?”

If not for the uneven light, Prussia would have sworn that he was pouting. He admitted, “I was catching up on my correspondence.”

Russia’s raised eyebrow told him that was the point. And Prussia did understand how it sounded as soon as he said it. Russia sounded annoyed as he said, “I doubt your plans will fall apart if you put the letters away for a night.”

Prussia knew he was right, and that he had perhaps not noticed how much time he had been spending on politics. He conceded, “I’m sorry. I have perhaps been a bit too focused on other things.”

Russia leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead and then planted small kisses down his cheek, saying between them, “I don’t begrudge your success. But I need you too.”

Prussia smiled, “So, no Bismarck in bed?”

Russia confirmed with a brief, “Mmmhmmm” before kissing Prussia on the lips.  

[bloggingboutburgers]

Hi! On anon because my AO3 account is private.

I care a lot about fandom inclusivity. I am allo but, by coincidence, write ace-friendly fics. Only a couple are online right now. How would you like me to tag them and future fics?

(I'm not, like, expecting you to represent all ace people, but asking a public ace person for a personal preference seems a better and more polite option than guessing or making assumptions. This is a direct response to your comic about how hard it is to engage in fandom as an ace person, which to me sounds like as much of an accessibility issue as alt text is.)

(I hope the well-meaningness outweighs the rude)

First off – thank you so so much for reaching out about this!! Your ask doesn't feel rude to me at all – in fact I truly appreciate it and I truly appreciate you writing ace-friendly fics to begin with, even if it's by coincidence!

Although... Personally unfortunately I've checked out of reading fics a long time ago because I couldn't bear with the issues anymore, so I have very bad knowledge of the tagging game and my advice would be pretty bleh TwT The only thing I can think of is maybe a "No sex" tag and even then I'm sure there's way better alternatives.

So... I feel like I do this way too often, but if anyone sees this and would like to share suggestions in the replies or reblogs, that would be most helpful!!

Either way, thank you so much anon, and very sorry for replying so late!!

[ruinationz]

ao3 suspended my FUCKING account until like 10 DAYS after the tadc pilot releases :sob:...all over some stupid request posts...anyways read my writing

wowzers i wanted to write pomni x caine but made it edgy. eek! the personal traumas the humans have!!!

thx you @bambi-on-the-ps3 for the help again

(again, like on the starstruck fic i'll probably like explode you if you say gross things about this ship.)

desc from ao3:

the amazing digital circus? the amazing digital GAY.

(or: pomni loves caine, and caine loves pomni! absolutely none of pomni's unresolved past traumas from the real world are here to rain on their relationship parade, right?)

(...right?)

ok i srsly need to set these things up better uh UNDER THE CUT! WRITING:

Caine, you're being followed by the ghost of what you can't absolve.

Say, you wanna go somewhere?

So does she. Her ghost.

But she's not dead, no. She's just going through hard times.

You wanna know 'why?',

But lately...Something's hanging off of your tongue.

"...MAY I ASK YOU A QUESTION, MY DEAR?"

After what had seemed like an eternity of mustering up the courage to do so, Caine had finally managed to get a hold of Pomni just as the troupe was settling down from another one of the circus's many performances.

A soft, confused hum came from the jester in response to the words he stumbled out, almost as if she hadn't expected to be asked anything at all that night as her gaze met the ringleader's own.

"S-Sure, what do you need...?" She replied, the corners of her mouth turning up into that usual timid smile that nearly made his heart melt in his chest.

The ringleader hesitated for a moment, wringing the staff in his hand as he took the time to gather his words together, before looking Pomni in the eyes and asking:

"...IS...IS ANYTHING...WRONG, MY DEAR?"

The eager curiosity in Pomni's eyes dulled into realization, and Caine watched the jester cast her gaze to the floor as the smile faded from her face, an uneasy silence filling the room.

...

"...It...It's nothing, Caine. I'm okay, really." She finally muttered a reply after a second or two, a hint of defensiveness creeping into her tone as she bit her bottom lip and continued to look away from him.

He would have frowned at her response if he was physically able to.

'It's nothing'? Oh, don't play these games, my dear...

Pomni, please, just let me help you...

I know that there's been something upsetting you. All I want you to be is happy...

Why is she hiding all of this from me? What else does she have hidden? Have I not been doing enough? How long will she keep this up for? For goodness' sake, I'd rather see her upset than acting like this...!

...

...No, that's a nasty thought, and you know it.

Focus, Caine. Just continue to be there for her.

...

...Is it me who's been bothering her?...

No, it can't be me. All I need to do is let Pomni know that it's alright to talk to me. That I'm always available to be her shoulder to cry on. That she can be vulnerable with me.

...

...Just as I have been vulnerable with her...

Pomni...I want to help you...

I really do...

He gave a sigh as he closed his eyes and shook his head, loosening the grip on his staff.

...Perhaps it would be best to not pressure her into it.

...

"...I-I'm sorry if I...w-worried you-"

"NO, NO, NO! NOT AT ALL!" Caine's thoughts came to a halt as he quickly snapped his head up to reassure Pomni, waving his hands back and forth.

"PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T FEEL BAD, MY DEAR...IT'S FINE, IT TRULY IS."

"...YOU KNOW..." He began to change the topic, switching his staff to his left hand as he reached out to gently place the other on the side of Pomni's face.

"WE HAVE PLENTY OF TIME UNTIL THE NEXT ACT, SO...WHY NOT DO SOMETHING NICE TOGETHER?"

He tilted his head to the side, narrowing his eyes in an expression that made up for his inability to properly smile. "YOU KNOW, TO CHEER YOU UP?"

...

Pomni's worried expression seemed to soften as a smile returned to her face, and Caine felt the temperature of the jester's face grow ever so slightly warmer as she reached her own hand up to rest it on his.

"...Yeah...We could do that."

[frownyalfred]

I was sorry to see you dealing with so many critical comments in Borderline recently, mostly because I love that fic and I love seeing characters in complex situations making bad choices sometimes. But I ALSO wanted to say that the way you're handling it is very classy. I have been dealing with some terrible comments on my own fics lately, and I find myself going to your page to learn how to handle it in a way that's fair, without being overly reactive or targeting anyone. Sometimes I can't tell whether to delete a comment or not, or whether to respond to a criticism or not, especially when my own hurt feelings get in the way. It really helps to see how someone else deals with it in a wise and experienced fashion. So thank you for that. If you have any further tips, too, I'd love to hear them!

Thank you so much anon! And I'm really, truly sorry that you're also dealing with hurtful comments. Nobody deserves that, especially authors working for free to put content out there.

I appreciate this ask a lot since there have been many times in the last few months where I have blown up privately, been upset, considered nuking everything, and generally reacted very poorly to negative, condescending, backhanded, or downright abusive comments. I was not handling it well! I was feeling hurt, and definitely not wise!

I have some wise, wise writing friends though. And generally, after venting (quite understandably) I think most authors know, in their gut, how they want to respond to these kinds of comments.

My advice is as follows, and it's been what I've pieced together from friends and my own experiences in the last few weeks:

Stand by your fic and your choices. It's great to slightly alter your plot when people respond really positively to a character, for example, but don't let a crowd of angry commenters force your hand on any decision, whether it's small or large. Would you have removed that character if there hadn't been three comments about it?

Try to be the adult in the room. Even if you're not older than your commenters or readers, the rule still stands. Try not to sink to their level (barring some necessary cases) and get in the mud. You're the author and you have all the power! Mute them, block them, lock down your comments -- the only power they have is through commenting, and getting into your head. That's power you can give them, or take away from them.

Be honest about how the comments make you feel. A lot of times, I think authors layer their hurt in other, more acceptable reasons. It's okay to be hurt by a backhanded, but well-intentioned comment. Saying "I appreciate this comment but the way you phrased it hurt me for x reason" is a totally mature and realistic way to respond to comments like that. Or telling readers something like "Please don't yell at each other/the characters in my comments, it stresses me out and makes me feel like you're upset with the story and/or me" is what I ended up doing.

Don't get caught in the weeds. Delete the comments that make you upset. Really. You don't need to respond to every comment (I have several rants about this already) and if you do, you definitely don't need to respond to ones that make you sad, upset, etc. If deleting that weird comment or skipping over a reply will make you feel better, do it! I'm sure your readers would prefer you skip a response over you getting hung up on a mean comment and not writing.

Know when to walk away. I took a break from writing borderline because it was stressing me out. Like, my already-high blood pressure was getting higher. I took a month off and wrote other things, and when I was ready to put up a new chapter, the words came really quickly and I was inspired again <3 It's also 100% okay if you never come back to that fic or series again -- your mental health is always -- always -- more important.

6. (bonus) sometimes saying "fuck you" is better than anything else. Sometimes, the pettiness wins, and you're not the adult in the room. I get it. I've ranted a lot on here and posted a lot about (anonymized) comments I've received. So yeah, fuck you, random assholes commenting awful things to me about sexual assault -- one day I hope to find a way to block my fics from ever being read by you again.

Sorry this was a bit of a rant. If you ever want to talk, anon, my inbox/DMs are always open. I'm sorry again that you're receiving hateful comments -- you don't deserve it, and your work deserves to flourish on its own. I hope you keep repeating that to yourself <3

[quivm]

— Together till we're not.

Isagi x gn reader angst content!! minors can interact. no spoilers. no specific time settings (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ

wc: 0.9k

genre + content warnings:

angst, sfw, breaking up, hospital, mention of injury regarding stairs, bad bf

notes!! hello quinn here sorry for not posting in a while! i made a medium ish post as a sorry almost 1k. i maybe want to do a part 2 at some time for this bc i love angst. this beta read/edited my the amazing @misiiio_x on ao3 ( check her out her work is amazing ). repost are appreciated ty <3 (๑•ᴗ•๑)♡

The bleakness of the apartment swallowed you up.

The walls hung with distant memories and past emotions crying for you to reach out again, to him. The door crashed open, a minute reaction was all that came to you.

“You’re late again.” The words could barely cross the barrier of your lips. You were hesitant to say something. Afraid for the response, afraid for the fight, maybe even afraid of Isagi himself. What this relationship had become, what he’d become.

“You know I’ve been at practice.”

The cheers coming from the TV almost blocked the annoyance that radiated from his voice. His tone was business formal as usual, one couldn’t even think you were anything more than acquaintances.

“I know but why are you back at 10pm…practice ends at 6?” The words jumbled in your mouth, tears pooling and threatening to spill as they always do.

Both of you knew the answer to the question, the very question which continued to wreck your thoughts. The question not an ounce of reassurance could overcome, the goliath that wouldn’t fall in your relationship, the very plague filling your head with delusions. The trophies lining the wall made sure of that.

For the first time in this bleak night you faced the man you came to love all those moons ago. Your very own starboy, all grown up. Different but the same, yours but just quite out of reach. Broken, choked sobbing was all that came out at sight of his defiant self in front of you. Steadying yourself you mumbled, “Am I even enough for you?”

Finally, at your words his stoic facade fell away.

“What?”

Dumbfoundness was all Isagi could muster. The porcelain walls around your relationship finally seemed to splinter under all the pressure, the truth waiting to burst through.

“Am I enough, Starboy?”

Starboy, the nickname Isagi got all those many moons ago, originally represented your love for him and his dream and your love for each other. It was meant to show his potential to go the same very stars up in the night sky, to help him believe it. However, now it was a remnant of the past, a forgotten relic of another time. Some time ago the nickname was scrapped because of a fight that occurred because of the same reason as this, you found it nothing but ironic.

His quiet demeanour caught you off guard, so you asked again.

“Am I truly enough for you?”

Were you this repulsive to him? Did he want to see you fall this low, the absurdity of it all made you scoff while fat tears slid down your cheeks.

As desperately as you wanted the answer to be yes, that you were enough and he loved you, no matter how much you needed it, you both knew the reply. The silence that came next knocked the wind out of you. This meticulous world you built collapsed around you, no catharsis, just an endless stream of grief and betrayal flooded in.

“I KNEW IT YOU SHITTY BASTARD!”

Your screams echoed against the walls, the same apartment that was supposed to be the first stepping block in your relationship. The sight for some time had started to make you feel sick, it reminded you of promises he had never tried to fulfil for you. You didn’t know what to do, whether to cry and scream or fall in a heap on the floor, rip everything in sight apart?

Where did everything go wrong you wondered, what had you done that made you deserve this, what karma was this fulfilling. In blue lock Isagi unlocked his ego, his insatiable hunger for football– for winning. But of course, why on earth would that ring alarm bells for a dumb girl who was completely infatuated and lovestruck? Isagi was your world, his dream was equally yours. You’d let go of so much, the long practices, the missed dinners, the heated arguments over football, but no they weren't the worst. That wasn’t what broke you.

October 21, you fell down the stairs, the date of one of Isagi’s team matches and landed up in the hospital. The first thing you woke up to was not your attentive and loving boyfriend who you would have dropped everything for. But, Isagi captivated by the TV, almost as pale as the walls with anxiety, but not because of you in the hospital gown bandaged up but because of the fact his team was losing.

“Why today?” You vividly remember him saying.

Deep down you knew he was actually angry with you for getting hurt and taking him away from the game, and for a split second while bandaged up in a hospital bed you wanted to feel guilty for causing a blip in his winning streak for this season. You never forgot those two words; they tore your soul apart, and every day after your love for Isagi spilled out with nowhere to go.

Eventually, there just wasn’t any left.

It was apparent that football was Isagi's love in life and you would only be a fool to try and measure up to it.