it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time
I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world
And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with
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feels weird to not have much to post, i feel like i basically disappeared off social media compared to how i used to post but. there is simultaneously so much going on (things that are boring/heavy and not fun to post about) and nothing at all going on (i have not been able to play anything very much and havent been watching anything besides random documentaries i stumble across), leading to me having nothing to say lmao
i did finally write down a bunch of hypixel worldbuilding headcanon junk instead of having it only be word-of-mouth between me and ark lol. only 1700 words, i can do better 👍 it was literally only about admin magic, what exactly it means to "hack," what a server is, and limbo kjgfhk. i might make a big post about the limbo section one day :]
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Okay so my great aunt and her husband work on the West End (Lighting & Lead stage hand respectively) and they had come from London down to visit family last week
No joke HOW while me and my cousin were comparing art tips and I was showing them how I draw hands, did my aunt look at an (extreme close up) of one of my drawings and imitately deduced it was Cats fanart???????
LIKE HOW?????? SURE THE ARM WARMER COULD BE A BIT OF A GIVE AWAY BUT STILL???????
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i may not have many friends that live a short car journey or train ride away from me but i have friends that i would cross oceans to see for just a couple of weeks and friends who would plan trips just so they are in the same country at the same time as me. i may not have many friends near me despite still living in the same town i grew up in, but i know i have many friends dotted around the world, who i spent mere months with, who care for me as though we spent years together. we may have not seen each other for 3 or 4 years, but the joy is still there. the love is still there
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POINTS AT YOU
hi
tell me a fact about final light that you're really excited about so far in development. it can be anything
EHEHE HI!!!!
Development-wise, not so much sadly. I'm learning about UI and dialogue systems atm and I'm thinking of reusing an old WIP I had to test it out, learn, and practice, but otherwise not much on the FL project itself. Just a bunch of learning and tutorials. I've been chipping away at 3D models too but my laptop hates blender with a passion.
Future Development-wise, I really really want to see the story tunnels in-game. There's a few areas I can vividly imagine and I really can't wait to realize in a game (the Colony of Fireflies and Bone territories), but I want the story tunnels to answer a few questions the player might have about the world and it's past, since from the entrance to the end it's just full murals of the history of the colonies. I also just want it to look cool y'know.
The Commander's Maw is also high up on the 'I want to see this in-game' since it's a camping/shelter location- when the player finds a shelter to stay at, they'll be able to roam the shelter to craft, talk to their follower, organize inventory, etc. So, they'll be able to sit at the maw's opening and look over the entirety of the world there. The Colony of Clicker's settlement would also be a shelter but since there's protection (clicking ones) you'd be able to roam the entire settlement- I really want to push the idea that this is a thriving community that is actually living rather than just surviving.
Super super small thing-wise but I'm still somewhat excited about? I'm close to getting the full character roster filled out, and completing the goal of having almost every character gotten for free. I just got two new characters with super nice art, which I'm also happy about!! This would mean only Arrow and Frost of Heather wouldn't be entirely free- I got those two in exchange for some art I did for their original owner.
Prophet of Opossum (left) is by Buzzing_Honey_Bee on TH, and the guy on the right (no name yet sadly) is by @/ribtear!
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