#only a few homophobic comments

[greenwriterplaidbow]

screaming crying throwing up because I have had zero time to write this week

sorry yall it'll be a minute before I'm done with anything

[shouldprobablybereading]

The one person I blocked on reddit for being weird in dms 🤝 the one person I blocked on tumblr for being weird in comments

[cookinguptales]

I will say, though, people used to be way meaner about fic online when I was a kid. Readers can still be shitty, don't get me wrong, but it was the wild fucking west when I was young and new to fandom.

Sporking communities (communities dedicated to going through fic line-by-line to make fun of it to an audience), homophobic death threats, "constructive criticism" that was really just designed to hurt young writers' feelings... Like this was all considered not just acceptable but fun and fairly normalized. You were considered "butthurt" if this stuff really affected you.

But damn, it was so mean. Like so unnecessarily mean. People were practically hunting fan writers for sport just because they wrote fic/meta/roleplays/etc. that they didn't enjoy. I cannot overemphasize that making fun of writers was considered a viable fandom path at a certain point. Some people got very big followings for sporkings, takedowns, particularly creative flames, etc.

What I'm telling you is that making fun of others' writing was considered a kind of fanwork in and of itself.

Like... I remember writing something online when I was about fourteen and -- I don't even remember what it was, being honest with you. It probably wasn't very good, given my age. But I do remember that someone just replied to it with a link for a website "how to write" and nothing else, and it hurt my feelings so badly that I didn't even want to keep going. That was considered concrit back then, even though it was really just a thinly veiled insult. Pretty sure whoever wrote that comment thought it was hilarious, and others would have agreed with them. I definitely would've been mocked if I'd complained.

And... that was just what you had to put up with if you posted your writing publicly. Some of those old warnings like "flames will be used to make s'mores!" come off as kind of cringe these days, but it really was a coping mechanism that you had to develop if you wanted to get through it at all. It was saying "your words won't hurt me, so don't bother."

Like... I like to believe that I'm a pretty good writer these days, and I can guarantee that not one of those assholes who made fun of me or mocked my work or talked shit about my ideas actually helped to make me what I am today. It was the people who encouraged me to play with a lot of different ideas and forms of writing who really helped me grow. Nothing worked better than just writing and writing and writing without fear that I would be punished for doing so.

So even if you're a garbage person who likes to hurt people because it makes you feel big and strong and important, think about all this pragmatically. Be totally fucking selfish for a minute. Think about all of the good writing you will never, ever get to read if you destroy the writer's self-esteem when they're still learning. Think about all the people who will never grow. All the beautiful flowers that are being nipped in the bud every day by assholes like you.

And even if someone never gets good, even if they just splash around in stupid ideas and awful prose and incoherent characterization... so fucking what? No one owes you beauty. Sometimes the beauty is just in having fun with what you're doing, and sometimes that's enough.

I am actually extremely relieved that fandom isn't quite as cruel as it was when I was a kid, but I won't pretend that things are perfect now. People still have this weird entitlement to them, like other people in fandom only exist to create things that they enjoy. Like other people only have worth, only matter, if their presence gives you exactly what you want when you want it.

You don't have to like everything that other people make! You don't even have to like them. But come on, now. Let people have fun. And don't act like other people's fun is only valid if it's of use to you.

[earthmixsclowderofcats]

I’m certain that people have different opinions, beliefs but seeing what ZNN have done for each other, how could you say that they’re faking it?

Is this like a hypothetical thought exercise or a gotcha?

Because I'm pretty sure I never said that.

I said fan service was a thing and that strategic relationships in the entertainment industry aren't unheard of but not that that was what was going on.

I repeat my point about the vacuum, etc etc.

Also, I feel like I should probably point out that I feel like a certain sect of hyper defensive fans are preemptively aggressive when they don't need to be. Assuming bad faith, etc. I understand the once-bitten-twice-shy of it all, but like, biting other people isn't gonna help.

Not everyone has the same sort of encyclopedic knowledge of these actors and are coming to conclusions based on partial second hand knowledge, as most people do.

But it's also interesting how it's phrased. Like sociologically.

"what they've done for each other."

"fake"

Would what they've done for each other be negated if their relationship, whatever it was, was deemed fake? If they have done things for the sake of their brand would it mean they don't legitimately care for one another?

Your or my outside opinion on it doesn't make any difference to their relationship, whatever it may be and however they define it tbh.

[johnbrand]

OnlyFags

With @boysmentfs

“God already? I just bought these like a month ago!”

Elliot tossed his headphones aside, annoyed. When he had bought the gaming headset, he had expected them to be excellent. So many other gamers had recommended the pair, but now they would not even connect to his monitor. Seeing that they were cordless, they were practically rendered useless.

Desperate, a risky idea suddenly popped into Elliot’s head. His older brother Trent had a decent enough pair that he could borrow. The plan was a fool’s errand if Elliot was caught; his brutish, jock brother could wipe him out in seconds for entering his room. And already loaded with emotional ammo on numerous accounts (being smaller, having intelligence, liking boys), Elliot was sure to end up at least hypothetically dead. 

But Elliot also knew that Trent was not coming home that night. He was over at his current girlfriend’s place, meaning all Elliot had to do was replace the headphones exactly as he found them. Enjoying the sense of danger, Elliot mischievously tip-toed out of his room–despite no one else being home–and carefully approached Trent’s door. His brother’s room was not any different from the stereotypical straight man’s quarters: sparsely decorated besides a poster of bimbos with a rock band, dirty clothes and foul-smelling shoes scattered on the floor, and an American flag on the far wall. 

Carefully avoiding the piles of empty beer cans, Elliot held his breath, hoping to not let any of his brother’s potent body odor enter his system. He eventually reached his destination, taking a seat at Trent’s desk and pushing aside anything that could dirty his bright-colored polo and shorts. It was easy to log into his brother’s computer and bypass the security functions, but Elliot had not expected to run into a problem with the Bluetooth compatibility. Until he disconnected the headphones from a specific site, Elliot would not be able to use them. It was a simple task, until Elliot realized it was a webcam site.

“OnlyFags?!” Elliot gasped. He would have never guessed Trent, the prime example of a cocky homophobic hetero alpha, would have been involved in OnlyFags–let alone a creator. The webcam site was practically known worldwide as a hate group–straight men teasing desperate, horny gays to make money. It was horrific, and yet it had somehow consistently exceeded expected profits. 

Trying his best to ignore this discovery and get back to the task at hand, Elliot logged into his brother’s OnlyFags account, hoping to be able to disconnect the headphones once and for all. The loading screens were long and annoying, spirals that seemed to go on for longer than necessary, but eventually Elliot navigated to the devices page. Instead of disconnecting his headphones however, he accidentally reconnected his brother’s camera.

“Oh no…please no,” Elliot squirmed. Before long, people hopped onto his feed, commenting about this new arrival. Elliot nervously tried to escape the program but every attempt appeared to fail, only booting up the loading screen once more without ever reaching an end destination. Elliot quickly put on one of his brother’s caps and held his head low, hoping the audience would think it was Trent until he was able to exit. His panic was rapidly rising, but out of the corner of his eye, something caught his attention. One of his unfortunate viewers had a request, stating that he should flex.

A sudden calm befell Elliot, and although his musculature was not visible, he surprisingly felt comfortable posing for the webcam. The timid act was not much, but it garnered a reaction from the viewers. Another requested for Elliot to flex from a different position, and he obliged, his slim frame gaining a small but fair applause from the gay audience. After succumbing to a few more requests, Elliot was soon hooked, continuously switching between the loading screen and listening to his fans. It did not take long until he started receiving messages requesting to start stripping, and to his own surprise, Elliot fulfilled them.

When one of the viewers typed that he wanted to see Elliot show off his “mammoth arms,” he willingly struck a pose. He did not hesitate to prove the next commenter wrong, who insisted his legs could not be “hardened with muscle and bloated out like massive logs of meat.” Elliot immediately tossed his legs up unto Trent’s desk, showcasing what one member of the audience guessed were Size 13 feet. The shirt was removed after Elliot had to prove his “hard six-pack,” the shorts already off before he was told to showcase the “classic bubble butt only these guys have.” 

Soon, the comments were less focused on requests and more so just stating observations. Elliot went back and forth between his live webcam and checking in on the spiral, although his panic had long subsided. “An abundance of body hair,” “Exudes arrogance and privilege,” “Only wants to play, get laid, and look good.” Eventually, Elliot even began to relish in the attention, becoming excited as his audience grew more vocal and engaged. This attention soon had Elliot massaging his member, his thick hands pumping the growing meat. It took his roused audience moments to realize this, yet Elliot was no longer afraid to respond to their excitement.

“You like that, don’t you?” Elliot’s voice oozed all-American jock. The crowd went wild, calling him irresistible, a pure stud. One viewer daydreamed what he was jacking off to, but another replied before Elliot could. “Probably cheerleaders or sorority chicks, these guys are all the same.” Elliot was about to reply differently, but a quick check in with the loading screen flashed a new image through his mind.

Tits. Touching them, motorboating them, and then finding his way down to the pussy. These images, these memories, made Elliot moan. The words almost left his mouth, but he knew his viewers would not be turned on hearing about his new and yet natural desire to breed and seed every chick he saw. No, he knew what they wanted to hear.

“That's it, you dumb horny faggot. You like this, don’t you?” Ethan smirked, continuing to pleasure his giant cock. OnlyFags terms and conditions were simple, but ironclad. Upon starting an account, creators had to “verify” they were straight, users endured the same sign-up requirements. “Blow your faggy brains out to a straight alpha like me, right now. Spend that useless cum, waste it on me.” When the system had detected Trent’s account had broken this agreement, the issue was immediately resolved. 

Quickly, a sudden rush of pleasure overran the new man. “Oh yeah BROOO!” Ethan shouted, white goo spilling forth just outside of the camera’s view. He did not want another dude–especially a homo–to see his dick after all, which was slowly dropping back into its still large flaccid state. 

Ethan, now just another dumb, homophobic, straight jock, found himself content with his work, taking pride as the tributes started rolling in. Thanks to Trent's and his system–while one got laid the other was pumped live–the twins were making bank. And why would they ever stop working if they got paid to do what they loved? Jerking off and fag-bashing had never been better.

“Tune in tomorrow, fairies,” Ethan licked his lips as he prepared to sign off. Cockily, he began grabbing at his pec. “Tomorrow’s sesh will be seeing a little more of this…” He then brought a hand back to down his massive cock. “and a lot more of this.”

[asha-mage]

BingLiuShen au where Shen Qingqiu's fevered heteronormativity poisoned brain decides that the best way to avoid dying for the crime of being a heterosexual male in a stallion novel is to pretend not to be heterosexual and thus not a threat to the protagonist's harem. He figures if he can hit that sweet spot where his (supposed! Not real at all!) sexuality is just a quirk of the beloved mentor then the narrative will have no choice but to keep him alive. Airplane might be a hack, but he's exactly the sort of hack who would put in a token gay character, then shunt them off to the background, only to be trotted out again when he's getting flack in the comments for sexist, homophobic, and/or generally shitty writing decisions.

And for Shen Yuan, whose stated life goal is to idle away the hours in luxury and occasionally bask in Binghe's protagonisty coolness (in a very heterosexual way of course!) that would be the perfect out. There's just one problem- how does he demonstrate his (definitely fake!) homosexuality without playing into homophobic tropes and getting himself killed for offending the genre's aggressively het sensibilities?

The answer? Pretend to be pinning away silently in unrequited love for another man. It's perfect! All he has to do is drop a few extremely subtle hints in Binghe's hearing implying having feelings he would never act on for say, Liu Qingge, and he'll be golden. After all, what person attracted to men (which he isn't!) wouldn't fall immediately in love with the Bai Zhan War God? It has the added benefit of proving what a good Token Gay he is by the fact that he saved Liu Qingge's life without any expectations or hopes and without ever even revealing his (supposed!) feelings.

Shen Qingqiu gets about a week of feeling like a genius after putting this plot into motion before Liu Qingge starts showing up at Qing Jing with small gifts and pastries and asking to spar, and well. In between melting down (because how on earth did he put it together from the grand total of three entirely ambiguous hints he dropped!) and trying to stay composed (because even the straightest guy- which he is!- would get flustered by having Liu Qingge smiling at him Like That) he figures the only rational thing to do is just Commit To the Bit, resign himself to one day becoming cultivation partners with Liu Qingge and retiring together into the background of future plot shenanigans. Their are clearly no other possible ways of dealing with this situation, and hey being with Liu Qingge of all people isn't bad. That's a fan favorite character and he's stupidly handsome and brave and kind! Shen Qingqiu could do a lot worse, especially in a world like PIDW. In fact given the alternatives, Shen Qingqiu's could probably consider himself incredibly lucky. Objectively that is. From a purely 'guy trying to survive this dumb novel' point of view. It would be an honor to have Liu Qingge's arms wrapped around him. If he where into men of course.

Meanwhile you have Luo Binghe in the background of every scene the two are in with a forced smile, internally speed running the '*fork in garbage disposal noises*' to 'I just want my Shizun to be happy! I swear!' to 'actually Liu-shishu is really nice I can see what Shizun sees in him' to 'oh no I think I want to be in the Middle Of Whatever That Is' arc.

(And of course, Binghe at the end of the day IS the protagonist, and after much trial and tribulation, is supposed to get exactly what he wants...)

And all the while you have Liu Qingge, utterly oblivious to the mental anguish and gymnastics of his shidi and shizi, who just keeps turning up at Qing Jing, because he really does like Shen Qingqiu and even if that first date was his sister's idea he's found he really does enjoy spending time with Shen Qingqiu, and also Shen Qingqiu's sticky first disciple who despite the crocodile tears is actually clearly pretty strong. He has no idea that Shen Qingqiu is silently picking out drapery for the future house while Luo Binghe tries to rationalize his out of control heartbeat as a completely normal side effect of the sparring match they just fought (Which he only keeps challenging Liu-shishu to make sure he's strong enough to protect Shizun! He swears!).

WIll the three of them ever figure it out and get their act together? Sure. Will they do it before the Conference/Abyss arc upends everything? Absolutely not.

[apollos-boyfriend]

Hey I've been observing from afar through your reaction blogging, I haven't been in mcyt as much since the dsmp ended but I still care about a lot of the people in the mcyt circle and I'm interested in what goes on - care to give a rundown of what happened at this twitch rivals thing everyone keeps talking about? (no pressure only if you want to) Aside from the fact I'm sure it was terribly run like most twitch rival events are, but it sounds like there was more to it than that

okay so. i am going to be missing quite a few details because i missed a day myself + my streamer could not care less, so i heavily encourage others to add on stuff i missed

this was a multi-day competition, running for 5 days with prize rewards from 1k to 100k. it started with i think 150 players, with select numbers of people getting eliminated each round. day 1-2 are fairly normal, at least for twitch rivals. of all the games that got played through the whole event, i'd say like 1 was actually good, and maybe 2 were decent, at best. most are bad, poorly-executed, poorly thought out, or just boring in terms of both player enjoy-ability and content creation.

DAY 3 EDIT:

now, sapnap's been sapnap for this entire event already. obnoxious, a bad sport, but most notably, playing DMCA'd songs. the event ran on proximity chat, so while he was unmuted, everyone around him would also be subject to said songs, which could mute vods at worst and terminate accounts at best. most people are fed up with him at this point. while everyone's trying to come up with solutions for the glitch, sapnap spams the discord with useless shit. couriway calls him out in the discord, calling him annoying and obnoxious, then later calling him a cunt in twitch chat. sapnap uses couriway and feinberg's name in his stream title for clickbait and talks shit about them + their friends (hbg/house builder gang). he also makes some weird comment asking if couri is homophobic because sap was talking about having skeppy's dick in his mouth?? or something?? i'm unsure exactly how day 3's issue of the glitch resolved.

day 4 is also your average experience with your usual range of average to horribly painful games. sapnap continues to be a bitch and not take responsibility for his stans attacking anyone in sight, but what else is new

day 5 is. bad. the game set for deciding the final competitors can be cheesed (if you let someone else do all the work, you can punch them in the last second and steal their win) and eliminates like 20 people at once. on top of that, a glitch happens that leaves the server on standby for at least 30 minutes while admins decide what to do. firebreathman sends a picture of a bare naked ass in the discord. someone else sends a photo of their debit card. streamers entertain themselves in various ways, including growing a cactus (fulham), playing osu (purpled), collecting other people's streams for their overlay (fruitberries), playing slime rancher (badboyhalo), and building real-life furniture (couriway). tubbo (who was already eliminated at this point) starts jumping between streams and asking in chat for the tea. the game is eventually replayed, deciding the final 4 players, but it's just as broken and at that point, no one wants to be there anymore. it's revealed through multiple streamers (purpled, i believe also feinberg) that twitch rivals games are not tested before being ran. the only testing done was a stress test to see if the server could handle all original 150-some players. this explains why the games are so bad and poorly organized (some games take over an hour, others barely 30 minutes).

the final four are sapnap, shadoune, sneegsnag, and i think feinberg. it's the most anticlimatic game of connect 4 you can imagine. sneeg eliminates sapnap, and shadoune eliminates fein. notably, fein's game glitches during a throw, which despite being obviously a glitch, the coordinators brush off as being "part of the game". fein and multiple other streamers spend time analyzing every pov frame by frame and all agree that yeah, that was a glitch. shadoune and sneeg are left for the finals. they come to an agreement that this is stupid and a horrible event. tired of this bullshit, they purposefully stall the games and run a podcast for approximately 2 hours, forcing the coordinators to bend to their commands hunger games-style. essentially since the first glitch of the day people were begging twitch to just split the money, something that wouldn't be easy according to tubbo, because everything is pre-signed and delegated before the event. sneeg and shadoune give no fucks, and force the coordinators to split the money anyway, winning the day through the power of friendship. i cannot stress enough how no one wanted to fucking be there by the end of all this.

[thehauntedetheral]

JUST AN WRITING IDEA.

I just had a weird writing idea. Imagine you are a daughter from a very influential and wealthy business family. Your parents want to set you up for an arrange marriage with a powerful family just like yours. So to escape from this arranged marriage you came up with a plan. You told your parents you like yandere and want to marry him only. And your parents loved this. Because after all yandere has everything power, status, reputation, money, everything. But how come you are ready to marry him? What's the sudden change of heart? After throwing so many tantrums and rejecting numerous grooms.

Well few days ago your best friend told you that yandere likes only men and might be in a secret relationship with his male secretary. And he doesn't tell about his sexuality to anyone because his family who has most of the shares of company is homophobic.

So you made a plan. You told your parents you want to marry yandere only and no one else and yandere doesn't like women so he will obviously reject you and you will cry over the rejection and postpone your arrange marriage for some months in the facade of heartbreak.

Your plan began. To show your family and people that you are badly down for yandere you did many things. You flirted with him like a shameless every chance you got.

Would tell everyone how you are madly in love with him and will marry him one day. While people thinking that you are the most delusional person on this earth.

You would crash into his office uninvited and act like a cute girlfriend which you totally are not.

Would call him the most weird and chessy names like "My marshmallow, my sweet pea, love of my life, my future husband" in front of everyone while yandere ignores you like it's a daily occurrence which actually now has become a daily occurence.

"Won't you give your girlfriend a hug or a kiss?"

"I know your way of telling me that you love me is ignoring me"

One day you brought a huge ass size flower bouquet for him while saying "Since you don't give me flowers one of us have to do this babe"

You quite enjoyed teasing him. And did I mention you also teased his secreaty with yandere's name. By saying "Yandere is quite good looking good choice secretary. Have a nice night" while winking at him.

You are hundred percent sure that yandere thinks you are one of his crazy delulu fangirls just like thousands of many. But is only tolerating you because you are daughter of one of his important person.

Until one day he drags you into a corner at an event. Traping your back infront of a wall with his arms from side towering above you.

"Are you really that desperate to marry me, huh?" He asked.

"Well of course after all you are the love of my life " you Said smiling staying in your crazy fangirl character.

"Then marry me this weekend " he said with the most straight expression.

"Wait. Aren't you gay?" You said being totally surprised.

"I have always liked women y/n. "

Little do you know yandere ignored you in start but as the time passed now you have got him stuck with your thoughts 24/7. And there is no way backing out now. He is going to have you no matter what.

This is just a idea I got into my mind and shared it with you. Hope you liked it. If you want a longer version let me know through comments.

For More Yandere Reading:

[jenscx]

KISS ME MORE — ning yizhuo

tldr: my (22f) gay roommate’s (21f) dating life makes me feel weird. she’s one of my best friends but now i’m wondering if i could be homophobic.

tags fluff, crack, jealousy, non-idol au, roommates, based off that one reddit story, short fic, dialogue heavy, mentions of jmj, hi yunjin! tw for oblivious ning, pacing’s weird kinda

wordcount 5.2k

🎙️ author’s note: happy birthday ning! late fic ik… but i’ve been busy (i’m sorry 😞) hope our dearest main vocal stays happy for the rest of her life! can’t imagine aespa without her 🤍 happy reading~

r/relationships posted by

u/throwawaylizard 16 hours ago.

TLDR: my (22f) gay roommate’s (21f) dating life makes me feel weird. she’s one of my best friends but now i’m wondering if i could be homophobic.

i am currently roommates with this girl, A. we've been staying together ever since we graduated and we’re very close. sometimes we’ll even jokingly flirt with each other but she knows i’m straight and she has never made me uncomfortable before. i’m a foreigner and A has definitely helped me grow accustomed to the culture here. i owe it all to her. which is why i’m confused about my feelings right now.

i’ve never thought of myself to be discriminatory towards anyone and i always welcomed those different from me, regardless of their sexual orientation. however, recently my roommate has come out to me. i supported her and didn’t think much of it after. but here’s where the problem starts. she came back with a girl a few days ago that i recognise from our extended friend group. i have nothing against gay people but when i saw the girl, i just felt so upset. at first i thought it was because i was in a bad mood and all i wanted was to cuddle with A, but afterwards, A would progressively get more touchy with that girl (lets call her Y). every time i would see them, i just felt bad. i wanted to puke at the sight.

i caught them making out on the couch once and i got so pissed off. i think it was because of a rough day but basically when my roommate started to apologise, i just blew her off. Y seemed embarrassed too. i felt really bad afterwards since A was really hurt by my action. she asked me why i was so angry and i just lied saying that something at work made me upset. i don’t want to tell her that it was because seeing her with a girl that i was annoyed.

there was another incident where she brought Y to our weekly game night. all my friends seemed fine with her, except for me. one of my friends, let’s call her M, had to pull me aside to ask what was wrong with me. in that moment, i realised that i was only hurting A and Y by being a jerk. i’m normally a polite person but that day i was being unnecessarily rude to someone i didn’t even know. i chalked it up as wanting only the best for A since she’s a year younger than me and wanting to protect her. she doesn’t really date anyone and she’s very quiet. am i being unreasonable? i really don’t want to be homophobic. i told M all about my feelings of homophobia and she told me that she was dating a girl too. i didn’t know why she brought it up but then she asked if i felt any disgust towards her for being gay. i said no and that her sexual orientation would never change our friendship.

so she asked why do i only feel that way towards A? and i want to extend that question to everyone here too. can someone help? do you have any experience with something like this? i don’t want to lose A as a friend. she’s one of my best friends and i can’t see myself not standing beside her in the future. we’ve been through a lot together and i don’t want this to be the reason why we end our friendship. she’s never once complained about my dating life and it feels hypocritical to do the same to hers. but i just feel queasy whenever she brings up other girls. like i want to bash my head against the wall type.

do i have selective homophobia? can someone help?

⇧ 157 | ⇩ | 89 comments

u/betterthingz01 | 12h

op i hate to break this to you… but i think you might be in love with your roommate.

u/throwawaylizard | 12h

can you elaborate? please!!!

u/flatearther | 11h

Are u sure u don’t have a crush on A? Or that u are straight?

u/throwawaylizard | 10h

uhm well i’m straight… so i don’t think i have a crush on A but if i was into girls, i’d definitely fall in love with her!! she’s really sweet and caring.

u/flatearther | 10h

Oh 😭😭

u/mingmingz | 7h

how do you feel if your roommate brought back a different girl? maybe you just don’t like Y as a person?

u/throwawaylizard | 7h

she used to bring other girls around too i think they were just friends though. i felt the same way but just seeing her kiss Y makes me want to throw up :((

u/blueskies444 | 5h

have u tried talking to ur roommate? i think communication is the best solution here

u/throwawaylizard | 4h

i talked to her a few days ago, asking her if she could stop bringing Y to our hangouts or apartment because it feels weird. our friend group only really consisted of five people and as bad as it sounds, Y just felt like an intruder. she kinda looked at me weird before agreeing. but then she asked if i would be fine if she went to Y’s apartment instead and obviously i said it wasn’t any of my business. A got a little upset and we haven’t been talking recently…

u/blueskies444 | 4h

i’m gonna be real w u for a sec and say that A is most definitely trying to get u jealous

u/throwawaylizard | 3h

why would she do that?

u/blueskies444 | 2h

yeahhh i’m not the one who should tell u why

“ning yizhuo, why am i getting messages from jimin unnie saying that she found your reddit post?” minjeong’s voice shrills out behind yizhuo. the girl shrinks, shivers running down her spine at the thought of anyone finding out about her post. she had resorted to reddit for help after much consideration and even aeri had said that reddit was surprisingly helpful at times.

“that’s not me! you’ve got the wrong person!”

minjeong rolls her eyes and tosses her phone onto yizhuo’s desk, “that’s literally you. ddongie would be upset to know that he’s a throwaway lizard.”

yizhuo instantly protests, “that just means that it isn’t my main account! i didn’t want people to find my real account.”

“oh, so you are throwaway lizard?”

she cowers at minjeong’s intense gaze, knowing that her little slip up just cost her whole facade.

“well the comments were helpful!”

“did you not reread what you typed out?”

minjeong’s genuine tone makes yizhuo hesitate.

“yeah? did i make a lot of spelling mistakes…?”

“no! did you not realise?” minjeong asks again. yizhuo huffs, swerving back around in her chair, “realise what? that i’m a bad friend? y/n hasn’t talked to me in days.”

just as she said in her reddit post, you haven’t spoken a word to her ever since that day she confronted you. yizhuo doesn’t think she was super mean with her words but the way you had reacted made it seemed like she killed your whole family.

she had only said, “hey, can you stop bringing yunjin over?” and her mere words had launched a full-blown argument where you had insinuated that yizhuo was jealous that you had someone to rely on.

it couldn’t have been further from the truth! yizhuo would never be upset about your happiness. any semblance of bitterness had lessened when she saw how bright your smile was or how much you were laughing when yunjin would tell a joke.

(she didn’t find it funny but at least you laughed. yunjin was the epitome of dad jokes. she was not funny.)

“she really hasn’t? wow, she’s determined,” minjeong chuckles.

yizhuo rolls her eyes and turns her attention back to her sketchbook. a few scrawned out designs, nothing much. just to take her mind off this situation for now. the pencil drawings somehow only manages to ensure that her brain constantly thinks about you though. how you encouraged her to enrol in a fashion course and how you were certain that yizhuo would become the biggest designer ever known.

she would giggle at your claims and humour you. now all that was left was your silence.

“why would she be determined to ignore me?” yizhuo asks, sighing, “i was upset but now it just seems like she thinks i don’t want her to be happy.”

minjeong raises an eyebrow, “what did the comments say? did they help?”

yizhuo huffs just thinking about the reddit comments. none of them really helped her to identify her feelings. just stating that she was gay and in love. both wrong!

“they said i’m in love with y/n and i’m jealous of yunjin,” she answers coolly, trying not to get too worked up over the false accusations.

minjeong winces, “do you think they’re right?”

yizhuo furrows her eyebrows.

“no?! i’m not gay!”

“but do you like y/n?”

“no! she’s just a very good friend!”

the brunette sighs, “that’s what they all say.”

“minjeong!”

yizhuo couldn’t be in love with you. no way. you were really just a good friend. one of her closest. she adored you greatly and wanted the best for you.

“so why are you so upset?” minjeong asks.

“i don’t know! that’s why i’m asking reddit! but now i just look like an idiot,” yizhuo groans, wanting to pull her hair out of frustration, which truly shows how irritated she was. she would never harm her hair.

“yizhuo, have you ever considered that you’re not as straight as you thought?”

yizhuo turns back to face minjeong, who’s sitting on her bed. she thinks back to all the times you’ve hung out with her. the lingering touches of comfort. the warmth she felt whenever you spoke.

she just wants her friend back. and she doesn’t know why she’s acting so unreasonable. could minjeong have a point? what if yizhuo…

“oh my gosh! i’m jealous since she’s out and gay—”

minjeong lights up, squealing, “yes!”

“and i’m just a straight girl without any confidence! i’m jealous of her confidence!”

minjeong deflates almost instantly.

yizhuo knows she’s right, so she immediately hatches a plan to talk to you. one comment said communication was vital in preserving this friendship, so yizhuo jumped into action. she knew you had your shifts at night and yizhuo could catch you off-guard right after. your work usually ended late and yizhuo always dozed off on the couch waiting for you. recently that routine has been broken, of course, but that’s when you’re most susceptible to vulnerability. yizhuo needed space to be honest and truthful.

thus, she waits patiently in the living room. yizhuo’s not really sure how long your shift lasts but she normally hears your keys jingle at midnight, so maybe then?

she waits an hour. then another. and then another. she spends the time scrolling on instagram, a frown forming on her face when yunjin appears on her feed.

then, finally, she hears the door creaking. jumping up from her lying position, yizhuo sits upright, focused.

“oh,” is your first word to her. not ‘hi’, or ‘hello’, just an acknowledgment.

yizhuo blinks at the sight of you in your work attire. but she quickly shoves the thought of how attractive you looked into the back of her mind.

“hey,” she winces at her own unfamiliar tone, “can we talk?”

you stare at her in shock before reluctantly nodding.

“yeah, sure.”

she pats the space next to her and clears her throat as you sit down.

“i know i’ve kind of been a jerk lately especially to you and yunjin, but i just want to say that i’m sorry.”

surprise flickers in your eyes, “oh.”

“i talked to minjeong unnie and it really cleared things up. i realised that i was upset because it felt like we weren’t as close as before. knowing that someone like yunjin could come replace me. i was jealous that you had someone while i didn’t. it felt like you were moving on without me, so i got a bit angry. i’m really sorry for the way i treated you and yunjin.”

(their first interaction really went poorly. yizhuo had came home, ready for a long movie night, just to find a random girl (well, not really random) sprawled out on her couch.

“i’m home,” yizhuo calls out, carefully approaching the body. long and lanky is the first thing she notices. and the bright red hair. yizhuo dyed her hair red before, it stained her pillowcase cover. she wonders if this girl’s pillowcase covers are stained with red dye too.

“hey, how was your day?” you ask, laying beside the girl, “sorry, this is yunjin. we just finished a gym session together with aeri unnie. minjeong unnie knows her.”

no wonder why you were barely dressed. yizhuo scrunches her nose at the sight of yunjin’s arm wrapped around your bare torso. she nods and asks quietly, “why is she here?”

you laugh, “i was bragging about my post-gym lunch and she said she wanted to try.”

yizhuo’s never tried your cooking before. she feels a little out of place now.

“ah, okay,” she replies dryly, not bothering to keep her volume down, “is she going to be here all day?”

yunjin wakes up at the commotion, a little disoriented as she shifts.

“oh, shit. sorry, y/nnie,” yunjin yawns, sitting up, “sorry ning, i accidentally fell asleep.”

“it’s yizhuo. only my friends call me ning,” she spits out. you send her a scalding look that makes her want to retract her words, “whatever. sorry. see you guys later.”

at night, just before you leave for your shift, you reprimand her, saying that she was extremely rude to someone she didn’t even know. yizhuo had tuned out most of your scolding, not wanting to hear you defend yunjin.)

“oh…”

yizhuo swallows harshly, squeezing her eyes shut, “i just need you to know i’m not praying for your downfall or anything. i want the best for you, especially since you feel like my younger sister.”

as soon as she finishes her little speech, she opens her eyes to your flabbergasted expression. eyebrows furrowed with your mouth agape.

“uhm… can you forgive me?”

yizhuo really needs you to forgive her. she doesn’t know what she would do if you decided that this was the breaking point for your friendship. she would respect your decision but still, it wouldn’t be nice. who would want that? and if you decided to end the friendship, what would happen with the apartment? yizhuo really likes being roommates with you. it would suck to have to find another roommate as meticulous as you.

“well— uhm, of course,” you stutter, “i gotta go shower. sorry.”

“oh, okay.”

just as you’re about to get up, yizhuo reaches for your hand, “we’re okay, right?”

she watches your throat bobble before rasping out, “yes. we’re fine.”

wow! yizhuo mentally pats herself on the back.

that was so easy. it felt like a whole weight got lifted off her chest. yizhuo smiles to herself and enters her own room, proud.

(meanwhile, in your own room, you vent to yunjin, bewildered by yizhuo’s obliviousness.

“she said i’m like a sister! her absolute gall! and she said it’s because she’s upset she doesn’t have someone like me! your whole jealousy tactic didn’t do shit!”

“girl, calm down. i didn’t know you liked the dumb ones. who knew she was so stupid?”)

you stare at yizhuo, who’s trying her best not to show any disdain for the way yunjin’s arm was slung over your shoulder. she must either be extremely self-repressed or just stupid. probably both. unless she didn’t actually like you. that thought, you didn’t dare to entertain. the once confident and bold girl had turned into this timid and shy kitten.

“take a shot if you’ve kissed someone in this room before!” aeri reads out the card before gulping down her drink. minjeong and jimin do the same and so do a few others. when yunjin shakes you ever so slightly, you take the initiative to swallow down the burning sensation. yizhuo’s glare narrows before she turns away entirely.

subtly grinning at her act of jealousy, you hum happily. there’s an outcry of people asking who aeri kissed and the attention shifts away. most people in your extended friend group had assumed you and yunjin to be dating. the only people who knew the truth were minjeong and aeri. jimin was kept in the dark since well, truthfully, she couldn’t keep a secret from yizhuo.

“take a shot if you ever kissed someone of the same gender.”

there’s more people drinking this time. you drink yours after a refill and so does yunjin. your eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets when yizhuo drinks as well. wasn’t she straight?

“who did you kiss?!” jimin screeches.

yizhuo wipes her lips, glistening with alcohol, “a friend. it was a dare in high school.”

you listen with rapt attention as aeri eggs on, “was it good? are girls better than guys?”

“well, it was definitely less sloppy,” yizhuo shrugs, giggling. her blush has worsened under the lighting and you can tell she’s at least tipsy now. the redness was currently spreading throughout her cheekbones and neck. you would coo at the adorable sight of her pouting and playing with the soju bottle if she wasn’t the stupidest girl on earth. you noticed how yizhuo drank every time yunjin squeezed your shoulder or you leaned into her touch. was she seriously still so thick?

“take a shot if you ever crushed on someone in this room,” aeri groans, downing her glass again. you drink yours and others follow. it wasn’t unexpected. you were seventy percent sure that most of the guys had crushed on jimin before, at least for a second. or maybe hanbin. he was cute too. that, you could admit.

“aeri… why are all the questions about dating?!” jimin whines, flopping onto the carpeted floor. minjeong winces before exclaiming, “i think she’s drunk now. let’s call it a night, okay?”

you agree. yizhuo looks seconds away from passing out as well and despite your recent gym endeavours, you do not want to carry a twenty four year old woman back home. yunjin taps your side and slyly tilts her head towards yizhuo, who’s leaning against the couch.

“go save your princess, romeo,” she whispers and stands to help minjeong clean up.

after all the bottles had been cleared, you crouched to yizhuo’s eye level, “ning, let’s go. it’s time to go home.”

her eyelids flutter open and she blinks at you wearily, “home?”

you nod, standing to wrap her arm over your shoulder to steady her. finally on her two feet, you bid goodbye to everyone and make your way home, albeit slowly.

every minute or so, yizhuo would jolt and nearly topple over. right as you reach your place, she leans over to the sidewalk drain and gags. you let go instantly and take out your phone to record her. next time she wants to get drunk, you’ll just show her the video. let her reflect.

“yizhuo, hurry up, i wanna shower,” you complain, dragging the hem of her shirt.

“o-okay…!”

“uhm, you have to get up.”

yizhuo nods again, wobbling as she stands. you grip her wrist and pull her into the apartment lobby. her body weighs heavily onto yours in the lift and you huff at the stench of alcohol.

“you smell bad,” you sigh.

“really?” yizhuo giggles, “you don’t like it?” the elevator dings.

she turns around to rest her head on your shoulder.

“i shouldn’t have gotten so drunk…”

“no kidding. c’mon you big baby.”

finally, after much effort, you manage to get yizhuo onto the couch. you’re heaving and panting at the end but at least she’s comfortable.

“please never get this drunk again,” you groan, flopping onto the couch.

yizhuo moans, “not my fault.”

“yeah? who’s fault is it then?”

she flips herself around, facing the ceiling, “y-yours.”

“how is it my fault?”

“you and yunjin…” she slurs out and your heart leaps.

“how is it our fault?”

“you keep touching each other,” yizhuo inhales sharply before mumbling, “i hate it…”

grinning, you pat her back.

“yeah. it’s my fault. sorry baby.”

“hmfph…”

r/relationships posted by

u/throwawaylizard 4 hours ago.

UPDATE: my (22f) gay roommate’s (21f) dating life makes me feel weird. she’s one of my best friends but now i’m wondering if i could be homophobic.

hi guys! so i know some of you all have been asking for an update and here it is. there’s really nothing much that has changed? we’re back to normal, mostly. A doesn’t bring Y around as much anymore which honestly, should make me feel guilty but i don’t. we had a talk and i think it went rather well. i told her i felt like i was left behind and she forgave me for being so shitty.

it feels like this was just a hurdle in our friendship and we’re closer than ever. she’s become really touchy with me and i appreciate that things are back to normal. she’s been initiating talks and hangout sessions which boosts my mood immensely. i’m really happy with the progress we made. we’ve even started cooking together and it feels awesome. Y had tasted her cooking before and i didn’t. so it felt like this hole in my heart had been patched up. our movie nights have become solely ours and everything’s great. she’s the sweetest girl i know and the most caring, so i really do feel happy that i have my best friend and roommate back. our cold war was doing a toll on my mental and physical health but a simple conversation had cleared the air so easily.

sometimes when she brings up Y since she still hangs out with her, i do feel a little upset. she told me they aren’t dating, just good friends. but other than that, we’re cool. thanks for all the comments! i’m glad i’m not homophobic :D

⇧ 178 | ⇩ | 102 comments

u/imissher | 3h

op you can’t be serious…

u/throwawaylizard | 3h

? what’s wrong

u/imissher | 2h

it feels as if you haven’t really solved this ‘homophobia’ issue. just put it off to the side.

u/throwawaylizard | 2h

IM NOT HOMOPHOBIC 😭

u/mingzmingz | 2h

well i’m glad? as long as you guys are happy ig. idk what’s up with gay people

u/throwawaylizard | 2h

thank you! i’m not gay though.

u/japansfinest | 1h

HOLY SHIT NING

u/throwawaylizard | 1h

OMG DONT DOX ME???

u/japansfinest | 1h

GIRL BE SERIOUS RN 😐😐

u/1800hotnfun | 1h

i strive to live as blissfully ignorant as you, op

u/throwawaylizard | 1h

not very sure if this is a compliment.

things had reverted back to normal. yizhuo was happy again and it seemed like everything was fine.

so how did she get here?

yizhuo had simply gone out to get groceries for your dinner together and when she arrived home, hands full of plastic bags, she heard the tail of your conversation over the phone.

“i don’t think she’s picking up my hints, yun,” you say in hushed whispers, “maybe she really is straight. or she just doesn’t like me.”

despite yizhuo’s moral compass, she decides to listen in on your conversation. she’s never heard of you liking someone before, or being so insecure. what girl wouldn’t like you back? and you liked a straight girl too?

she can’t hear yunjin’s reply but you let out an exasperated sigh, “maybe she thinks i’m just being a really good friend. i thought she would have already realised i liked her by now. your whole jealousy plan didn’t work either. i mean, it did but not really.”

yizhuo slowly twists the door knob before loudly announcing, “i’m home!”

she hopes that by now, you would have ended the call so she wouldn’t have to interact with yunjin at all.

“oh,” she catches the anxiety in your voice, “did you get everything?”

“yup. there was a sale on apples, so i got those too,” yizhuo says, a little too cheerfully, but she wants to cover up any nervousness. as she places the bags on the kitchen counter, you stand up to help unpack everything.

while you start to arrange all the groceries, yizhuo thinks about your words. liking someone. a girl. a straight girl who was potentially oblivious to your advances?

yizhuo scrunches her nose.

sounds…

familiar.

“hey, did you get healthier milk? the one with less sugar added.”

as you twirl around to ask, yizhuo’s heart gets caught in her throat.

she was the straight oblivious girl.

“uh— yeah. i got both,” she gestures awkwardly to the pile of bags. you nod and go back to sorting everything out. god, she needs a breather. trudging to the couch, she sighs as the softness envelops her. she couldn’t wrap her head around this— you liked her? potentially? definitely?

yizhuo spends the next few minutes having an existential crisis. she was straight! the straight girl that you liked! and that whole jealousy thing with yunjin! you planned that! she can’t believe it. all her nights were spent debating whether she was homophobic or not and it was all a rouse to get her jealous? well, was she jealous? minjeong had seemed intent on getting her to admit that, which she did. but maybe it was because she was jealous of yunjin.

not for taking up your time.

but for being able to touch you and hold you in ways she can’t.

holy shit. she’s not as straight as she once thought.

and she has a huge crush on her roommate.

how could she let reddit comments be right?!

yizhuo stares blankly at the ceiling. you call out from the kitchen, “do you want white or red wine?”

she stands up from the couch, resolute in her decision now.

no wonder you had looked so offended after she sister zoned you! yizhuo would hate it too if all she was to you was an unnie. she wanted— no, needed to be your everything.

“yizhuo?” you ask again, examining the two bottles of wine.

yizhuo almost sprints into the kitchen. the sight of you with your hair up, the cute lace white apron wrapped around your waist, and your focused expression. it has her drooling. everything was so domestic.

how hasn’t yizhuo noticed this sooner?

“white wine please,” she answers when you’re within arms reach.

“are we drinking the whole bottle?”

she stretches out her arms to engulf your body in hers and reads the label on the wine bottle over your shoulder. taking gratification in the way your body shudders, yizhuo hides a pleased smirk.

“hm, should we?” she whispers hotly beside your ear. you shiver before muttering, “maybe. is tonight a special occasion?”

“i mean, it could be,” yizhuo grins, “you were promoted recently, right?”

tonight was one of your day-offs, and you came back recently, boasting about the extra time off you got from being promoted. of course that was celebrated with a simple get together with friends. but yizhuo didn’t get her own special celebration with you.

“yeah? okay, we’ll drink it all then.”

yizhuo smiles into your hair. she’s never felt happier. knowing that her inner frustrations had been settled finally. you were just trying to get her jealous. a good attempt nonetheless, it worked incredibly well. but now she’s certain of her own feelings.

“you smell nice,” she blurts out.

“i used your shampoo. ran out of mine.”

“mhm. smells good.”

yizhuo spots the hint of satisfaction on your face.

“are you complimenting yourself right now?”

“i have really good taste,” she states.

you roll your eyes playfully before detaching her arms but she just slithers them back into place.

“ning, i have to cook.”

“hold on,” she mumbles, “i think we can celebrate another thing.”

sensing your confusion, she continues brazenly, “we can celebrate our first night as a couple, right?”

“what—”

“i’m sorry for being so oblivious this whole time. i got so pissy because i was jealous. apparently, i’m not straight. or i just like you, i don’t know yet. all i know is that i envision myself by your side,” yizhuo explains, “everytime you mentioned yunjin i got upset and it’s because i thought you guys were dating. that’s why i didn’t like any of the girls you brought home either. i’m sorry for saying you’re like my sister. i like you a lot. not in a straight girl way.”

she hears you gasp and she can’t bring herself to continue without your reaction. yizhuo’s been through so much struggle with coming to terms with her identity and feelings and now she wants to get it all out.

“are you serious?” you ask without facing her. she chuckles at the redness at the tips of your ears.

“yeah. sorry for being a jerk. it was because i like you.”

“ning yizhuo�� i… wait, let go of me for a minute. i wanna look at you.”

reluctantly, she does so.

you look so pretty under the kitchen light, yizhuo thinks.

“uhm, where do i even start?” you chuckle awkwardly, “i really thought you were into me when we first met and when you said you were straight… i think my heart died a little! but it’s okay, since you’ve been such a great friend to me. i must admit that yunjin did volunteer to be my plot device to make you jealous. i was hurt when you were being rude, so i’m happy you apologised. i like you too. a lot.”

yizhuo grins, heart beating wildly against her chest.

“can you say that again?”

“i like you a lot, yizhuo. can’t believe you called me a sister though.”

“i said i was sorry!”

r/relationships posted by

u/throwawaylizard 7 hours ago.

LAST UPDATE: my (22f) gay roommate’s (21f) dating life makes me feel weird. she’s one of my best friends but now i’m wondering if i could be homophobic.

hello! i’m glad to announce that this situation has finally been settled with a happy ending. i would like to give you guys a proper explanation and ending for all the help you provided.

first of all, yes, i’m not straight. or maybe i just like A. i haven’t explored that part yet but also, i’m in love with my roommate. i was jealous of all the girls she brought over and i wanted to be the one holding her and making her laugh.

second of all, you guys were right. she was using Y to make me jealous and it worked. so maybe she’s the real mastermind.

and lastly, we’re finally dating. we’ve been taking things slow for now since this is all new to me but A has been incredibly sweet and supportive (as she always is). it’s just a new experience but i’m willing to do anything as long as A is by my side.

thank you all for the help and comments!

it turns out i don’t have any problems with A kissing girls if it’s me she’s kissing.

⇧ 359 | ⇩ | 153 comments

[tocomplainfriend]

Vivziepop is still Transphobic 10 years later!

(I'm writing this as a trans non-binary person btw)

Basically: "Transmen are only depressed females who are ashamed of being women" In other screenshots, she has another pfp, which people already knew she had a Blitz pfp, people thought it was fake cause of the moe pfp. But right here there was proved it was her. Dates match up and all. This is all in 2023!

This is directly from Ken btw, who they were friends with- and worked on Hazbin. Also wrote a most of the fucking pilot and got ""additional writing" credits... plus the Cherry bomb thing too!

"I honestly believe it's incredibly rare, VALID as hell, but rare"

Based on this few messages alone, you should realize her ""acceptance"" of trans-people is selective as fuck. She also NEEDED to state the trans people are rare, so bad here too. I as a trans person, I have always considered this a BIG red flag! Because people who say that are ready to invalidate others on the idea of "trans people are rare, you must not be trans because you don't fit my standard!"

Here she is using She/Her on Ken who uses only They/Them. She already knew Ken as a friend, so the misgendering here is just rotten.

All of this is recent as fuck! Since Hazbin was getting made until 2023! This one below, of Salem, shows xe experienced the same thing during the start of Helluva Boss. (Below there is a link to a threat talking about Viv being terrible to xem!)

Here also seems to be another trans character, from millie's siblings! Designed to be transmasc?

Oh fuck me, never mind! They changed his design to be a cis male imp.

I have already talked about how I personally feel about how Sallie may is treated! Viv treats all trans characters and people terrible, and she has something against transmasc people specially. -And for someone so selectively transphobic, with all of her comments-she is transphobic against Non-binary people! I mean, she already didn't respect the usage of them/they pronouns, so... She can not go around saying this shit of telling queer stories and people who critique me are being homophobic WHEN SHE IS LIKE THIS.

This is older, too! Viv has being transphobic back then and still is! Drawing a caricature of a transman you don't like -like this!?

This is a meme video that Vivziepop did too. This is rotten. People sure can change, but this woman has being transphobic over 10 years, like... I don't know how old is this character but- you can search fan art of this character since 2015...

Again please read:

[mindmelter]

Adding The Neighbor

"I look ridiculous! Can't I just wear him without wearing this stupid thong?" My grumpy boyfriend asked while wearing our hunky neighbor's body.

"That's the point, babe!" I said, caressing his new big hairy pecs and then pinched his nipples. "I want to humiliate him for all the nasty things he said about us, can you do this for me, please?"

He sighed and kissed me passionately. "Of course babe, I will do anything for you, you know that, how many men have I converted into bodysuits just for you?"

"A lot," I said, smirking.

"That's right, a fucking lot," He got on all fours on the bed, his huge hairy ass on full display, the thong barely covering our neighbor's tight straight hole. "Now come here and fuck my slutty hungry ass! Show your Daddy neighbor how much of a slut I am!"

I couldn't hold it any longer, seeing my hot manly neighbor on all fours, shaking his huge hairy ass while wearing a thong was making me crazy, I needed to fuck that ass.

Me and my boyfriend had moved to a new house a few weeks ago, but our neighbor was very religious and homophobic, he hated having a gay couple as his new neighbors, he said we were going to 'influence' his kids and a lot of other nasty comments. So I convinced my boyfriend—who had the power to turn anyone into a bodysuit—to add him to our collection. My boyfriend didn't like the Idea at first, but after I told him our neighbor called me a faggot (He didn't, but my boyfriend doesn't need to know that.) he finally decided to do it, as he always did.

Our neighbor was taking the trash out when my boyfriend sneaked behind him and grabbed him by the neck, I watched as our muscular neighbor deflated on my boyfriend's grip until he was holding a hollowed husk of muscles. Back inside our house, I handed him a small leopard-printed thong, he raised an eyebrow confused.

"I bought this yesterday, our neighbor will look good with this."

"No, I'm not wearing this, no fucking way!" He said.

Well, here he was, on all fours still wearing the leopard thong as I was fucking him. I slapped his big hairy ass hard and heard my neighbor—now boyfriend— moan loudly, begging me to keep fucking him. That night I fucked my neighbor in every position until he passed out with my cum leaking from his stretched hole. God, I loved my boyfriend and his powers.

Later our neighbor came out as gay to his family and left them to live with another man, at least that was the story we created, our neighbor was actually inside our closet with the others, his deflated body only came to life when my boyfriend and I wanted a submissive Daddy slut to spice our nights.

[jubshead]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬' 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭

Paring: Lithario (Lilia x Agatha x Rio) x Reader

Summary: It was common knowledge among the villages that circled this woodland that the place was haunted, owned by witches and their perverted magic. No one had ventured into it for years and all the men who tried had not returned to tell the tale of what lay behind these trees.

Warnings: Loss of virginity, Foursome, Cunnilingus, (Implied) Oral fixation, (Accidental) Wrong use of magic, Aphrodisiacs

Date: Dec 04, 2024

Comments are always welcome and if you don’t wish to be identified, my ask is open!

Masterlist | Taglist

Tag list: @crescendoofstars @diorrxckstar @crazyhatz @oh-rickel @thoroughly--confused @greek-freak101 @frostytherubyrider @alittlewitchyone @gilmoresliarss @lanadelreyaesthic @aggieharkness @filmedbyharkness @nightmare-of-homophobes @confuseuniverse @delusionalforolderwomen @sunshine-makes-flowers-grow @greencurlyhair @emilynissangtr @seaoflittlefires @ofgoldandbraid @czl4t @tremordusk @astrophiliaxx @me-47-47-47 @walkethisway @goforgreat @amethyst-bitch @women-4life @thegoddamnfeels @yourbasicqueerie

─────── ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ ───────

Winter is always the hardest time of the year. The soil turns to slippery mud, staining dry leaves and sticking to the boots. The cold makes people sluggish, work is harder when your fingers are numb or your cough hasn’t gone away for a month. Supplies rarely come from outside and, more times than not, the village relies on the merchandise.

A bucket full of water is carried to a small hutt, your arm burns with the effort, the fingerless gloves don’t help with the chill and your palm is freezing. Your body weight is thrown entirely onto your left side, balancing the metal container with your shoulder. Around you whispers run free, the villagers comment on the lack of food, how this has been the worst temperature in years and that the sick people won’t last the season. A few glances are cast in your direction. 

Taking a deep breath and putting on a fake smile, you open the wooden door. The place is almost as cold as it is outside, in the few minutes you have spent out, the fire has died down. A furrow of worry forms between your eyebrows and you almost drop the bucket in favor of throwing more wood into the fireplace. 

➙ continue

A/N: I decided to post it only on ao3, because of the word count!

[hopelesslygaysstuff]

pairing: past wanda maximoff x fem!reader / present natasha romanoff x fem!reader

summary: When you see Wanda again after the secret relationship you shared during your college years, you realize the lasting impact she had on you. Haunted by flashbacks of your time together, you struggle to reconcile the memory of the Wanda you once knew with the woman she has become a decade later.

content warnings: angst, homophobia, a few homophobic slurs, internalized homophobia, heartbreak and grief, some smut, tragedy

word count: 7.1k+

Masterlist

A/N: This is heavily inspired by the song Us. By Gracie Abrams ft. Taylor Swift. I would recommend listening to it simply because it is a masterpiece and the foundation of this fic.

comments and reblogs are always appreciated! happy reading ♡

The Secret of Us

“Babe, are you ready?” 

Green eyes peek around the doorframe, delicate fingers working a dangling diamond studded earring through a slightly reddened ear. There’s a gentle smile on Natasha’s face, a strand escaping her perfectly curled hair and falling somewhat in front of her face. It brushes softly against her cheek, a sharp exhale moving it as a wince appears on her face. 

“Here, let me,” you say, curling a single finger in her direction. You place your makeup brushes onto the vanity in front of you, your fingers gentle as you pluck the earring from Natasha’s hand. 

It’s a beautiful piece. The golden metal is dainty, yet solid, woven into complex swirls that catch the dying rays of sunshine streaming in from your window. Your hands are careful, threading the earring through her skin like a seamstress, with confidence that comes from years of practice and love woven into each measured touch. 

“Perfect,” you mutter. You both know you’re not just talking about the earring. 

Natasha smirks at you, full of confidence that is only slightly contrasted by the pink flush rising to her cheeks. You laugh slightly, the sound low and full of warmth as you turn back towards the mirror. 

Strong hands rest lightly on your shoulders as Natasha’s fingers firmly rub circles into your skin. You can feel the tight knots give away beneath her ministrations and sigh in relief as you brush highlighter onto the highest point of your cheekbones. Green eyes track your movements lazily, taking you in like it's the first time she’s seeing you. You find it quite romantic and tell her just as much.

“Well,” the bright smile on Natasha’s face shines through the word, “That was my goal, detka.”

A soft shove from you has Natasha’s hands wrapping around your own as she pulls you to your feet. You sway slightly, blinking against the headrush that comes from changing positions too quickly. Arms wrap around your waist as strong as the pull of gravity, unwavering and inevitable. 

“You look beautiful,” Natasha murmurs, her lips brushing yours. 

“Compared to you, I am nothing.” The words flow from your lips easily, the truth of them lying comfortably under your skin, feeling like the steady weight of a cat curled up on your chest. You kiss away any protests, your tongue swiping against hers when she tries to speak. 

“We should go,” Natasha manages to say, the words separated with the firm kisses she places against your lips. “We’re about to run late, and I know you hate it when people are inconsiderate with their timing.”

You nod against her, your hands squeezing her waist gently as you breathe deeply through your nose, unwilling to part your lips from hers. 

“Sweetheart.”

Natasha’s tone is firm, her hand pressed against your sternum as she pushes you away. It's gentle, almost hesitant. You know that if you pressed back against it, she would crumble like a sandcastle at high tide. It's for that very reason that you don’t, not wanting to disrupt her carefully planned evening. 

“Lead the way, my love.”

—

You find yourself hanging from Natasha’s arm, feeling every bit like a trophy. Shining, and put on the highest shelf, gazes sliding appreciatively over you before moving on to the next impressive thing. You wonder how long it will be before the dust begins to collect. 

A man, standing close to your wife. His fingers twitch, his eyes glancing dismissively at you. He’s talking just a bit too loud for the short distance between him and Natasha, and you feel a white-hot rage rising before you take in the fake smile plastered across her face. 

It's too wide, showing too many teeth and yet not enough at the same time. Her eyes are sharp, the soft crow’s feet that normally appear at the edges nowhere to be found. The pressure of her fingers against your waist grounds you, leaving you feeling every bit like a rock standing solidly against the crashing waves. 

The man moves on, loses interest. You don’t mind. The memory of him is already floating away, being replaced by the soft look Natasha is sending your way. You feel shiny again, not a speck of dust in sight. 

Dragging your eyes around the room, you let yourself get lost in the sea of bodies. 

Natasha had brought you to some important work event. It was essentially a party, disguised under layers of professionalism in celebration of a multi-million dollar partnership with their rival company. 

There was an undercurrent of tension, being slowly filtered into a sort of understanding and grudging respect. The alcohol probably helped. 

A woman’s laughter rang around the room. The tension in the air shuddered and released its hold slightly. 

You amend your statement. The alcohol definitely helped. 

Lazily, you return your gaze to the room. Natasha is slowly walking you towards the center of the room, leading you with gentle touches at your waist. You feel every bit like a lamb, awkward with growing limbs as it is shepherded into a crowd. 

Bouncing around the room, your eyes take in the multitude of people. Features start to blur together. A pointed nose, blue eyes almost hidden under thick eyeliner, shimmering dresses that catch the light and make your head spin.

Your eyes catch on brunette hair. Soft, flowing like a calm river on a warm summer's day. 

Startling slightly, you blink, a memory dredging its way to the front of your brain like molten lava, slow and inevitable. 

Brunette hair, falling effortlessly over strong shoulders. The scent of vanilla washing over you and enveloping you like a well-known embrace. Green eyes sparkling down at you as soft lips move. You focus, dragging your eyes away from the perfectly manicured nails softly brushing against your desk. 

“Mind if I sit here?” 

A feeble shake of your head, and rapid blinking as you attempt to return the moisture lost to wide-eyed staring back into your eyes. 

She’s beautiful. 

Her words are kind, a small smile seemingly locked into place on her lips as she regards you. Green eyes roam your face, lingering around your lips for just a second too long.

“I’m Wanda.”

The memory slams into your skull, reverberating painfully around as you feel an age-old, nearly forgotten crack in your heart reopen. It takes your breath away, the weight in your chest feeling like a paperweight, settling down on the last few pages of a story full of loss and anguish. 

Natasha’s speaking to someone, her raspy voice filtering through your ears. It’s nothing like the cadence of melted butter you still sometimes hear in your dreams. It's different, better. You wonder when the lies will morph into a semblance of truth. 

You take a deep breath, letting those thoughts slide back to where they belong. In the back of your mind, locked away and left to be forgotten. It wouldn’t do you any good to dwell on the past, with its looming, crumbling chess pieces that dance around you in a game that you don’t quite understand the rules of. 

“Ah, fuck.” Comes Natasha’s voice, the words mumbled directly in your ear. 

You twist your head, shaking it free of cobwebs sticky with memory as you take in your wife. Her eyes are locked on something across the room, the faint furrow of her brows the only sign of displeasure etched on her face. Her lips are moving, mumbling something about an important blah blah man blah blah, rich and influential at her rival company blah blah…

Smiling slightly, you hide your amusement with practiced ease as you turn your gaze towards the man, no, a couple heading your way. Your eyes barely register the neatly parted blonde hair of a tall man, his eyes locked on Natasha with a calculating sort of look in them before your eyes slide over to the woman on his arm.

Fuck, indeed. 

Your heartbeat rushes through your ears, a dull ringing cascading through them as you feel your breath catch. Everything has gone numb, or cold, or tingly. You’re not really sure. Everything is too much and the room is too hot even as goosebumps rise on the surface of your exposed flesh. You suddenly see yourself in a third-person view, your mind projecting outside your body as you go rigid at the sight of her.

Wanda Maximoff. 

Green eyes, brighter and lighter than the ones you stared lovingly into at the altar. Her gaze flickers over to you, not fully meeting your eyes, a forced sort of dissonance playing out briefly on those perfect features before she focuses on Natasha.  

Another memory slams into you, rising unbidden from the depths of your mind before you can stop it. 

Soft laughter, echoing around the room before it's absorbed by the four walls surrounding you. Green eyes, smiling at you before returning their focus to the pen and paper in front of her. 

Wanda writes something down, your eyes tracing the elegant script that flowed easily from her fingertips. Something scratches at the back of your mind, a tendril of something fond, warm. It feels like coming home, future impressions of familiarity beginning to take root. 

“Let me see,” you’re saying, moving closer. Your hands reach for the book. No, it's a leather-bound journal. You’d picked them out earlier, after walking to the store with Wanda from your English literature class. 

“No, oh my god,” Wanda was saying, giggles erupting from her as she half-heartedly wrestled the journal away from you. Her hand lands on your knee, her cheeks a little too flushed. It reminds you of the cherry she’d eaten earlier, licking the whipped cream from her milkshake off before smiling and sucking the fruit into her mouth. 

Her hand stills, awkward and stiff for a moment. You don’t comment on it, shifting your body weight to be slightly closer to her. The warmth from her palm spreads through your body like a slow creek, new and small and promising bigger currents down the road. 

“Let me read yours out loud and I’ll let you read mine,” you offer, taking her journal gently and placing yours in her lap.

“It’s just poetry,” the words flow from your lips, but you know it’s more than that. It’s the very contents of your soul, laid bare for her to see, wrapped under layers of grammar and careful wording. It’s a confession, it’s a sin, it’s something twisting and beautiful and as graceless as a newborn foal. Her eyes meet yours, your thoughts reflected back at you as her fingers twitch slightly on your knee. 

Wanda’s hand takes your journal, those green eyes skimming the words as her lips move silently.

You don’t look away, you can’t look away. Her hair is falling over her shoulder, as delicate and soft as the words written before you. There’s a palpable tension in the air, low and thumping like a familiar heartbeat. 

Green eyes, flickering back to you. Something behind them that you can’t interpret. You feel like she can see your every thought, the very contents of your being laid out before her as she analyzes each individual piece. It’s frightening and it’s intoxicating, and you look away. 

You’re reading her words now, the sentences flowing and mashing together in your mind as you pluck the strings of her mind with your careful hands. It’s beautiful and well-written, layered with so many truths and lies that you can’t begin to interpret the true meaning of her sentences. 

Something tingles at the base of your skull, warm and light as it blossoms through your head. Understanding. Or, the semblance of it. 

You look up. Light green eyes stare back into yours. They’re captivating, and you wonder if they ever left. If she watched you the same way you did her, attempting to unravel her very being through carefully constructed lines and flowing script and words layered with meaning. 

Those green eyes have the power to shatter you. You pick up your pen. 

“So what is it that you do?” The man is speaking. 

Your mind crashes back into the present, another hairline fracture appearing on the surface of your heart. You can practically feel it, the torment running deeper than the illusion the thin crack offers. It’s bone-aching, and you suddenly feel exhausted. 

“I’m a copywriter,” Natasha answers, sounding casual. You can sense the clipped tone and undercurrent of frustration, and your hand gently traces circles against her wrist. “I graduated with a degree in English Literature.”

“Ah,” the man says, sounding every bit as pretentious as he looks. “My wife got a degree in that as well.”

Another crack, splintering into you. Your eyes flick down, catching the ring on Wanda’s finger. It’s shining and big, the diamonds glittering back at you, the mockery of it seeping into your soul. The meaning of it is every bit as surface level as what you assume Wanda’s feelings for this man are. You know better, she had told you just as much. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever love a man in the way I’m meant to.” 

You don’t have to ask what she means. You don’t respond, a gentle sigh escaping you as the weight of her head rests solidly on your shoulder. The clock on your nightstand blinks back at you, the numbers twinkling in the early morning. Pens and paper and journals are strewn around you, a poetry book facedown in your lap. Your voice had grown too tired from reading, but neither of you seemed to mind the comfortable silence stretching around the room.

Until now.

“I know,” you say. There are not many words you can speak.

It's simple. That’s a lie. It’s not, it’s complicated and it's painful and there’s nothing you can do to take that away from her. You wish you could. You would do anything to let Wanda’s soul have respite in your presence, to be unburdened from thoughts of sin and duty, to be able to finally breathe properly. 

Soft fingers find your hand, tangling with your fingers almost hesitantly. Your palm slides easily against hers, and you swallow the lump in your throat. Your hands fit like a jigsaw puzzle, feeling like the final piece as it clicks into place. Confusion and frustration sliding away as the picture finally makes sense. 

“Poetry feels like prayer.” Wanda’s voice is quiet, and you know what she means. It feels holy, even with the words only spoken in the sublunary space of your dorm room. Her head twists on your shoulder, and you feel your gaze drawn to her like the inevitable magnetic pull of the earth. Her green eyes peer up at you. “Will you pray with me?” 

Picking up the poetry book in your lap, you begin reading. Your thumb runs over the pages. Staring at the words in front of you, you wonder why they’re blurry. You realize later, after Wanda had fallen asleep from being lulled into comfort by your voice, that it had been unshed tears. 

You let them fall.

“Yes,” Wanda is saying, and her voice is exactly the same as you’d remembered. She’s speaking, saying something about the university she’d attended and how she got her degree. The only thing you can focus on is the familiar lilt of her words, the smooth cadence you’ve memorized and seared into your brain. 

It’s painful, but you can’t take your eyes off of her. Natasha’s hand moves slightly against your waist, and you blink. The man next to Wanda has his arms almost possessively around her shoulders, his hawkish eyes watching you. 

You look away. 

“Oh, you and my wife went to the same University,” Natasha says, trying to be helpful. You don’t appreciate it. Her words are genuine, but the statement falls short, a beat of awkward silence stretching into an eternity as you try to respond. What could you even say?

Yes. We did. I fell in love with the confident, full-of-life brunette who looked at me like I hung the moon, and I looked at her like she painted the stars just to give the moon some company. I loved her as easy as breathing, and now my lungs never feel full enough, my breaths labored and weighted with the words of love I breathed into her ear that I can’t take back, won’t take back. 

Refuse to take back. 

“We must have missed each other,” Wanda says, her eyes flashing in your direction, but not fully meeting yours. “It’s a big school.”

A polite smile plasters itself onto your face, too small and stiff to be sincere. Your heart clenches painfully, a small part of your mind begging Wanda to meet your eyes. God, it feels just like when you were at University. 

Her husband’s fingers tighten slightly around her shoulder, pulling her further into his side. You wonder if Wanda feels like she’s suffocating yet. You hope not, you want her to breathe. To fill her lungs with light and hope and passion and… not whatever this is.

Another memory, sludging through your mind like a heavy foot through quicksand. 

You don’t talk to Wanda much outside of class and the late-night poetry readings in your dorm. She blames it on her busy social life, being in a sorority is apparently no joke. You’ve learned to keep your head down when you see her in public, her eyes always lingering near you, but never fully meeting yours, too focused on the sorority sisters that always seem to surround her. Appearances are everything to her, you know that. 

But god, it hurts. 

It still doesn’t cut quite as deep as the weekend her parents came to visit. 

Wanda had grown up the daughter of a pastor, a well-spoken man with a quiet, hidden-in-the-shadows wife. You’d watched from afar, noticing the small glances her mother would send her way, and the nervous twitching of her fingers as she adjusted Wanda's collar, or brushed a piece of invisible lint from her daughter's skirt. 

Per usual, Wanda was nothing short of perfect. Her hair was perfectly curled, laying gently over her shoulders as the brunette strands glowed in the sunlight. She’d done her makeup just subtle enough to perfect her already dainty features, but not enough to rouse suspicion that she was promiscuous. 

You’d watched her do her makeup many times, her hands perfecting the art. You wondered how much of her father’s influence and mother’s worry controlled the easy flick of her brush as it spread a light blush across her cheeks. 

Tracing your gaze down her form, you glance back to the book in front of you. A poem glared up at you, the words swimming off the page as you remember the subtle curve of Wanda’s spine, her head bowed slightly as her father spoke into her ear. 

Wanda was full of life, shining brightly and standing out amongst the rest of the population at this university. Or perhaps that was simply your own observation, after all, your entire waking moments were consumed by thoughts of her. 

The point is, she wasn’t… docile. Or submissive, or meek like her posture suggests when her father lays a hand on her shoulder. You can’t tell if he’s gripping his fingers tightly or gently around her, but either way, Wanda doesn’t make a move to remove his hand. 

She’s nodding, her head turning towards him. You can see her smiling easily at him, saying something back. 

His hand returns to his side, and you hope that you imagine the slope of her mother’s shoulders relaxing. The way her fingers twitch towards her daughter, wanting to replace the feeling of his hand against her skin, but choosing to brush a strand of her hair behind her ear instead. Always deflecting her true intentions.

Wanda’s face turns towards her mother. You see the momentary look that passes between them, but you’re unable to interpret it from across the quad. The moment passes, and her mother returns her attention back to her husband. Always a faithful, obedient wife. 

When Wanda and her parents pass by the table you’re seated at, she doesn’t spare you a second glance. Her green eyes are focused on some unimportant thing in the distance, her father’s lips moving near her ear again. You silently plead with her to look your way, to take solace in the silent comfort you can provide. 

Her green eyes don’t meet yours. You feel a crack appear on your heart, and you swallow harshly as you stare blankly at the poetry in front of you. Shoving the crack down where you’ve displaced all the other ones, you begin to read. 

The poem is a romantic one. Full of yearning and hope and unbridled passion. The only thing you can think about is how incredibly tragic it seems. 

Natasha’s thumb is slowly moving, caressing your hip as she holds you loosely by her side. Not possessive, but not without care either. You’re grateful for the touch, and focus on it as Wanda’s husband continues to talk about… what is he talking about?

You don’t really care. 

The version of Wanda that you knew and the woman you see in front of you clash in your mind, splintering your thoughts. You’re also aware of your wife beside you, and guilt creeps into your heart. 

You chose Natasha. You’re happy with her, you stood across from her and declared your love and promised her that you would love her until the end of time. You intend to stand by that, to uphold your promise. Imagining a future without her seems impossible. 

But you’d also imagined a future with Wanda once. It didn’t seem right to just ignore that. And it was impossible to keep the memories at bay. Not when she was standing before you for the first time in ten fucking years, with her perfect hair and her natural looking makeup and her light green eyes and the scent of vanilla washing over you and and and-

Breathing in, feeling the comforting scent of vanilla enveloping you in the strong embrace of a familiar lover. Wanda’s hair just beneath your nose, the silky strands brushing against your cheek and chin as you place a gentle kiss on her head. 

Her arms are wrapped around you, her breaths even. You aren’t asleep, but you let her think that you are. It's easier for her to be herself when she thinks nobody is watching. Her fingers slowly dance along the exposed skin of your stomach, softly tracing nonsensical patterns against you as you feel your heart pound steadily. 

A poetry book rests at your side, forgotten in the favor of holding her in your arms. You understand what all the poets mean, with their suffering and their longing written painstakingly on pages of crinkled paper beneath their ink-stained hands, as you hold Wanda gently against you. This moment feels too precious, too raw to ever be put into words, to write down for the world to see. 

No, you’d much rather keep this moment pure and untouched, resting in your heart alongside the inevitability of Wanda Maximoff. 

You can feel her in your soul. Or rather, maybe it’s your soul that’s bleeding and filling the space between you two. You hope that it is mixing with Wanda’s, filling the painful parts of her that she pushes down and cushioning them with warmth. Is it too much to hope that she’ll carry a part of you with her forever? Is it selfish to take the willing parts of her soul that bleed into yours and keep them there until they’re so ingrained in the fiber of your being that you would lose yourself if she took it back?

Maybe that's the true definition of love. 

Natasha's hand grips you tightly, her fingers tense around your hip. Her eyes are locked on Wanda’s husband, his drawling voice grating your nerves. You risk a glance at Wanda, recognizing her blank look at the ground for what it is. Escape. 

She used to tell you about the places she’d go inside her mind when life got to be too much for her. It sounded peaceful. She could be whoever she wanted inside her own head, without the pressure of her father or the quiet concern of her mother and the encompassing guilt that she was never making the right choices. You hope she's there right now, and return your gaze towards her husband. 

“I mean,” Her husband's eyes are sharp, glinting dangerously at your wife. “It’s so nice that they allow so many… diverse individuals to work with your company.” 

His eyes travel down her body before flicking over to you briefly. 

“Is it hard to keep your lifestyle and work life separate?” he asks, and your blood boils. You see Wanda’s head lower further. “I imagine it's quite difficult to relate to your peers, with a secret like that.”

Natasha is seconds away from exploding, tearing him down with sharp words and securing her own termination in the same breath. 

You find your voice, the quiet strength of your words surprising you. “I’ve been out and proud since I was in high school. I’ve never been ashamed of who I am. And neither is my wife.”

Wanda’s eyes cut sharply over to you, that specific shade of light green filling your vision. 

“Why the fuck would you give this to me if you didn’t want me to interpret it that way?” You’re not yelling, you never would. Not at her. Never at Wanda. But you can feel the frustration leaking into each syllable, and you hate the way that Wanda’s shoulders seem to hunch in on themselves. 

“I never meant for you to…” Wanda can’t continue, her eyes locked on the poetry book you’re clutching between your fingers. 

“You never meant for me to fall in love with you?” 

A flinch, green eyes staring at the carpet and gentle fingers clenched uselessly over the back of a chair. The words bounce around your dorm room, settling in with a tentative weariness. 

“Why would you give me this poetry book about romance and passion and fighting for love if that’s not what you wanted me to think about you?” you set the book down on your desk, the pages flipping open. You can see the smudged ink of your annotations. That was a flaw of yours, always writing too fast as you try to keep up with the thoughts in your head. 

“That’s not what I mean I-” Wanda’s eyes are locked on the book and you watch her swallow harshly. Her voice is shaky, her head bowed. You hate it, and there’s nothing you can do to make it better. “I can’t love you.”

“You don’t love me?”

“That’s not what I said.” Wanda’s voice is quiet. 

Oh. 

“You don’t understand,” Wanda has unshed tears in her eyes. You want to wipe them away, your fingers twitching, unsure if you’re allowed to anymore. “My family means everything to me.”

Oh.

The weight of tragedy settles in, burying itself deep within your bones and wrapping around your heart and squeezing. All of the cracks you’d smothered appear at once, splintering and creating new fractures with each labored pump of poisonous blood coursing through your body. 

You finally understand what the poets mean. The metaphors and desperation, the weight of grief and longing and the way it sticks to your very soul like a parasite that you keep feeding and nurturing because the pain of forgetting is worse than the crushing travesty of remembering. 

Wanda is talking, and for the first time, you’re not paying attention to her words. She’s saying something about her parents and financial dependence and them cutting her off and all you can hear is that she’s stuck and scared and trying to protect herself and you can’t choose her path for her. 

It’s agony, it’s grief and it’s nothing like what you imagined as you innocently read the words scattered across the pages of your poetry book. It’s so much fucking worse. Wanda’s hand is on the doorknob of your dorm, her vanilla scent already fading from your walls as she looks at you with longing and grief and something devastating hidden and suppressed deep within her soul. You wonder if this will be the last time her green eyes ever look at you with genuine emotion shining through them. 

You wonder if you’ll ever escape the numbing chill of loneliness that settles beneath your skin like an old friend. 

Vision, you’d learned his name at some point during the conversation, seems at a loss for words for the first time since you’ve met him. His face is steadily reddening, the tips of his ears practically scarlet as you watch the hand on Wanda’s shoulder tighten.

“I’ve seen your name credited a lot, you must be very good at what you do.” Wanda’s voice is melodic, her words placating yet genuine. She’s mending the rift, her words an unspoken apology for her husband’s behavior as he stands sullen beside her. 

Natasha smiles and begins speaking.

It’s strange, to see the woman you’re in love with talking with Wanda. There was a time when you thought you’d never find someone who made you feel the way Wanda did. You were convinced that your love would live and die with her. 

Then, you met your wife. 

Natasha was everything you could have ever hoped for. She loved you openly and proudly from the moment she met you. Her commitment to you had never waned, her gestures true and meanings genuine. You’d never trusted somebody more, never felt as comfortable with another person. 

She stood by your side when others did not. She held you when you were sick, and stayed by your side when you were at your lowest. The day that you had married her was the best day of your life, and your vows were nothing short of pure truth. The green eyes that had looked at you from across the altar were vibrant and dark, your love for that shade of green far surpassing the one you’d loved all those years ago. 

So why did it still hurt to think about Wanda?

If you had to choose. Right now, Natasha or Wanda, you knew you’d choose your wife in every lifetime. But that didn’t explain the splintering cracks reappearing on your heart the longer you stayed in Wanda’s presence. 

Music rattles the floor, a plethora of swirling hues surrounding you. Your senses are dulled by the fiery liquor burning within your veins, your brain finally relaxing. 

“Dude, come on don’t just stand there like a weirdo,” Kate pulls you away from the wall, spilling your cup in the process. 

You both look down at it for a moment, before bursting into peals of laughter that leave you clutching her shoulder for support as she bends at the waist. Her dark hair falls neatly over her shoulders, her backward cap holding it in place. 

The music drowns out most of your laughter, but you’re aware of the eyes on both you and Kate as you wipe tears from your eyes. She’s pulling you closer to the DJ, dancing sloppily with you. You can’t bring yourself to care about the people around you. There was one goal tonight, get absolutely sloshed at the local college bars and then pass out on Kate’s couch to forget about the whole thing. 

“Who the fuck let the sloppy, drunk dykes in?”

Kate doesn’t hear the words, but you do. You turn to face the group near you, the liquor making you bold. It’s a bunch of sorority girls, with their skin-tight dresses and judging eyes watching you with caked-on mascara. Your heart drops when you see Wanda standing in the middle of them. 

Your blood runs cold, a surge of sadness and fury sweeping through you. It’s confusing, but most of all, it’s fucking infuriating. 

Behind you, Kate stumbles, her elbow knocking into your side. Your arms wrap around her, keeping her upright as she mumbles an apology in your ear. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Wanda whisper something to one of the girls, their eyes on you and filled with mirthful laughter. 

“You’re right, Wanda,” the girl says, loud enough for the whole group to hear. “These dyke sluts would probably jump on the nearest dick they could find, since nobody else wants to fuck them.”

The blood rushes to your ears, and Kate’s gasp reverberates around your skull. The bar seems quieter than before, and a multitude of eyes are on you and the blonde bitch in front of you is smirking like she just stole your favorite candy and Wanda is laughing and pointedly avoiding eye contact with you but her smile wavers slightly as her eyes grow sad for a split second before she remembers where she is and you’re so fucking mad and it all just seems so goddamn tragic and-

Your fist connects solidly with that stupid, smug smirk that the blonde girl proudly plasters on her face. There are gasps and Kate whooping loudly in your ear and arms wrapped around you and pulling you towards the door and alcohol making your head spin and fuck you’ve never felt more alive. 

Wanda’s eyes finally meet yours. They’re filled with shock, but just before she turns away, you see a sliver of gratitude and the hint of an apology glimmering in their depths. 

Needless to say, both you and Kate are banned from that bar. 

Your wife is laughing. The echoes of mean laughter from Wanda and her sorority sisters fade into the background noise of your brain as you refocus on the conversation. Natasha’s soft chuckles bring a smile to your face before you can stop it, your lips turning up as you look at her. 

She’s effortlessly pretty, her eyes crinkled slightly at the edges even as her gaze flickers warily over to Vision. Her arm is wrapped around your waist, solid yet unrestrictive. 

Wanda’s eyes linger around the fingers that lightly draw circles against your hip. She seems to shake herself, eyes quickly moving back towards safer territory as she focuses on Natasha’s face. You don’t miss the fleeting expression of longing that flits across her face, her appearance seeming soul-crushingly tired for a mere moment before it smooths over in a way that speaks to years of practice. 

You wonder if she’s remembering the same night that rises to the front of your mind. You try to combat it, to stay in the moment. Natasha's fingers squeeze your hips lovingly, and you descend into the memory with bone-deep guilt. 

The concrete is cold beneath you, the wind picking up slightly and threading its way through your hair. You shiver, feeling Wanda adjust her body closer to yours. You’re aware of her heat spreading through you. Her hand fits seamlessly in yours, and you wonder when loving Wanda became as easy and inevitable as breathing. 

“Do you think the poets compared their words to the stars?” Wanda asks.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” you say, breathing in her vanilla scent. It’s hard to focus on her words when her body is pressed fully against yours, your left side burning with warmth and something else that you’re almost scared to identify. 

Wanda chuckles, the sound heating your cheeks further. 

“Well,” she pauses. That’s one of the things you love about her, how careful she is with her words. “Do you think they viewed their words, their poems, as unattainable yet beautiful and pure?”

You’re quiet. You can think of something that is also unattainable, pure and completely inevitable. It’s not poetry, and it’s not the glittering stars that take up your vision. She’s lying right beside you, her nose bright red from the wind and a future stretching out ahead of her that she is able to mold into something beautiful and something that is completely her own. If only she had the courage to do so. You hope she does. 

“Of course they did. They’re poets,” you respond, and Wanda hums. “Do you feel that way?”

Wanda doesn’t respond, and that’s enough of an answer for you. 

The silence stretches on, but it's comfortable. Wanda is shifting silently, more of her body pressing against you, the wind having died down a while ago, leaving no easy excuses for her leg pressed fully against yours. 

“You wanna know what I think?” Wanda’s voice is quiet, yet firm. 

Turning your head, you look at her. She looks back, her lips mere inches away from yours. You can feel the soft, warm breath escaping her lips and hitting your face as she speaks. 

“I think that you’re like the stars,” Wanda begins, her green eyes sparkling at you. They glance down imperceptibly, almost too quickly for you to catch. You notice, of course you do. “You're incomparable, chemical almost.” 

Wanda trails off, her eyes firmly focused on your lips. You understand, you always do. 

“I can’t tell if you’re a curse or a miracle,” you whisper, feeling Wanda lean in. The tension vibrates palpably between your lips and hers. “But I don’t really care.”

Soft lips collide with yours, a seismic shift that causes your head to spin for a moment. It’s perfect and pure and something bordering on holiness and you find yourself never wanting to leave this moment. Then, Wanda’s lips are moving against yours and the heat inside you is rising and her hands are everywhere and you can’t get enough of her and-

Her moans feel almost reverent, stretching out into the minimal space between you as she arches herself closer to you. Her skin is pressed against yours, warm and alive and feeling every last bit like an all-consuming force that you gladly pull closer. Your fingers slip inside her easily, the feeling of her bringing tears to your eyes. You want to live in this moment forever, with the taste of her on your lips and her thighs impossibly soft around you, her head thrown back as she chants your name like a prayer. 

You’ve never believed in God. But in this moment, you finally know what it truly means to worship. 

A man’s voice pulls you from your thoughts. 

“Well, as lovely as it’s been to meet you…” Vision trails off, and Natasha simply raises an eyebrow. 

“Thank you for the wonderful conversation,” Wanda’s smooth words cut in, another unspoken apology and excuse for her husband's behavior. “We should probably be leaving, it’s getting late.”

Green eyes glance at her husband, whether for permission or in reprimand, you can’t tell. Either way, it gets Vision to move, a firm head nod directed towards your wife before he’s striding towards the door, pulling Wanda with him. 

She’s leaving. Again. 

A final memory claws its way to the surface. You know this one. It's a memory that you’ve kept hidden in the deepest part of your brain, in a place full of sticky cobwebs and scarce lighting, meant to be forgotten. 

It’s inevitable.

Wanda is almost at the exit, her husband's hand possessive against the small of her back. It speaks of ownership, of pride. You despise it. It’s nothing like the soft, loving touch of your wife’s hand against your waist.

The turn of a head and soft brunette waves falling gently around delicate, hunched shoulders. Soft skin, glowing slightly in the dim, red lighting of an exit sign. Green eyes, piercing yours in the same manner that they had all those years ago. 

Your breath catches, lodging itself painfully in your throat. Or maybe it's just your chest, and what lies beneath the surface. A heart, with cracks all along the surface, squeezing painfully, the tension, the agony almost too much to bear. 

A single tear slides down your cheek. You hear Natasha murmuring something in your ear, a gentle hand wiping your face dry. 

There’s a mask sliding into place over those perfect features that you’d memorized a decade ago. Green eyes, light in shade, sliding past you as if you’re an insignificant, forgotten trophy on the highest shelf. And then she’s gone, out the door with only the faint scent of vanilla and a permanent memory etched into your mind. 

The cracks splinter, and without warning, shatter completely.

“Pick up, pick up… please just… fucking. Ah, just, goddamnit pick up the fucking phone Wanda.”

You’re drunk, the phone feeling awkward and heavy in your hands. The sound of a dial tone beeping ricochets through your mind, and you clumsily jerk the phone away from your ear.  Blearily, you take in the four previous calls you’ve made to Wanda. 

One more try can’t hurt. Right?

You firmly press your finger against her name, the sound of your phone dialing her number washing over you. The tiny numbers in the corner of your screen read somewhere between one or two in the morning, but you don’t care. All you need is for Wanda to pick up. 

A sound, different from before. You hear quiet breathing on the other side of the line. 

God, you’ve missed that sound. The feeling of her head resting against your shoulder or chest as slow measured breaths fill the four walls of your dorm room. The small puffs of air hitting your skin when she shifted, burying her face in your neck. 

You say as much, the words spilling out of you. You’re not sure if Wanda is listening, but you hope she is. 

“Fuck, I- I just miss you so much. It feels like I’m dying every time I see you, and I can’t take your eyes avoiding mine anymore. I mean,” you hiccup, the sound pathetic even to your own ears. It doesn’t matter. 

“Don’t you miss us?” you say, your voice quiet. The soft breaths on the other end of the line hitch, and you grasp at it. “I miss the flame of what we were, I don’t even really know what we were, but… I miss the small reign we had. Even if it was just in the space of my dorm room. I would go through the pain of you every day if it meant I could be close to you. I-”

You lose the words, the regret pouring through you as quickly as a flooding river. The words can’t escape fast enough. 

“Do you regret us? I know we were a secret, and I was okay with that. I would have done anything, kept anything private, secret even, just to keep you in my life. You know that Wanda.” You draw a shaky breath. You hope that you don’t imagine the same type of breath on the other end of the line. 

“Do you miss it?” You ask, hating the way your voice cracks gently. You hear Wanda’s sharp, soft inhale. “Do you regret the secret of us?”

Click.

---

Taglist: @alexawynters @msvenablesbitch @marilynthornhilllover @lifespectator @milkeeteaa @imnotawitch @marvels--slut @justabrokensunshine @dorabledewdroop @wandsmxmff @esposadejoyhuerta @captivepotato

Dm or comment to be added!

[bucks-beast]

it's been super disheartening and angering these past few weeks to see just how okay with homophobia some of this fandom is.

Fandom is supposed to be a safe space. For EVERYONE. But the anti-tommy crowd have proven time and time again that only attractive and "unproblematic" gay and queer men are worthy of support from them.

The blatant infantilisation of Buck and fetishisation of Buddie is fucking disgusting at this point, and the fact that people being happy over bucktommy being canon are being called fetishisers? I am a gay man. I used to like Buddie as a concept and was thrilled about bucktommy. But now Buddie is souring because of a bunch of fans behaving like children and showing their true homophobic colours all because they didn't get the ship they wanted.

Pick up your toys and quit the tantrum. Tommy is here to stay and harassing Lou isn't going to get you gay Eddie. All you're doing is showing queer men that this space isn't safe for them.

We shouldn't be living in a time when Gerrard's wings comment is celebrated, or where "joking" about gun violence against a gay man is ACCEPTED.

You all need to take a step back and realise that these characters aren't real, but the queer men in this fandom who you're hurting with your infantile tantrums are VERY real, and we aren't gonna take this bullshit anymore.

[allthesethingswillendsoon]

Long, long time

CHAPTER FOUR: Pride Parades and Christmas Dinners

SUMMARY: Paige and Azzi learn about gay people, in severely different situations. Gay marriage is legalized in Virginia, and the girls think about what that means to them. Teenage girls can be absolute bitches, especially the rich ones.

NOTE: This one was meant to have more scenes but as I was writing them I realised that it was going to be like way longer if I did that. So the stuff from that bit will be the next chapter, and then the chapter after that the other stuff I was going to do in this chapter. I hope you guys enjoy this one, feel free to give me feedback as I'm the only one editing my stuff so I might be leaving plotholes and grammar mistakes in. Again, thanks so much for the support :)

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Warnings: Mentions of parent leaving, angst, homophobia, homophobic slurs 6.9k words (lol) Pairing: Paige Bueckers x Azzi Fudd

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10th of JUNE, 2007

EDINA, MINNESOTA

Paige Bueckers was five years old when she first learnt about gay people.

She had been driving somewhere unremarkable with her mom and dad. She sat in the backseat, watching the familiar Minnesota scenery speed by in a blur. The radio played softly, the sound muffled by the rush of air coming through the open windows. It was a rare thing, the summer heat. Paige had only experienced it for a few weeks a year for most of her life. She had decided she liked the way the sun felt as its’ rays blared down on her face, even if it left her skin pink and tender afterwards. 

Because of the sunshine, and the fact that it was so rare, nearly ninety-percent of the Minnesota population was outside, some hosting barbecues and pool days. Others were simply lying in the sun as they appreciated the rare chance to catch some vitamin D in temperatures above forty degrees fahrenheit. 

Finally, after what could have been hours or mere minutes in the car, the little family had reached their destination, The memory of where and when would be lost to Paige in the years to come. The day had been unbearably mundane, and up until leaving the car, it appeared that it was going to stay that way; that was until their family (in particular her mom) spotted a massive gathering of people.

Looking at the group was like looking at a rainbow. They had fun, upbeat music blasting all throughout the street. It was so loud that Paige’s little body had shook slightly at a particularly strong bass note.

“What’s that?” She had questioned good-naturedly, pointing at the large group

“It’s disgusting is what it is!” Amy hissed back, before she stormed off to the edge of the footpath beside them.

Bob had held Paige to his chest as they both watched Amy spill a slew of hateful comments at the joyful group of people.

“You’re all going to Hell! All you fags and dykes are!”

A young dark man turned towards her, his body shimmering, skin glittering gold under the sun. With his middle finger raised he yelled back, half-laughing,  “Well I guess we’ll see you there, you crazy bitch!”

Her mom went silent then, before she huffed indignantly and power-walked off in the direction of wherever it was they had been going.

—--------------------------

The moment lingered in the back of Paige’s mind as the day passed, the more she thought about it the more she wanted to throw up. 

Even as she laid in bed, waiting for her dad to come in and tuck her into bed, her mind was replaying the moment like a broken record player scratching its way through the same portion of a song, again and again.

She thought back to the words her mom had used. She had never heard words like those before.

“Fags.”

“Dykes.”

In the dark of her room she whispered the phrases. Simply feeling them leave her mouth was unpleasant, they were heavy, and they tasted sour. Despite the bitter taste that lingered in her mouth, seeping into her taste buds, she kept on going, repeating them over and over and over.

They left a weird feeling in her chest, and she could feel her face twisting and contorting at the tart sensation of saying the words out loud.

She thought of the way her mom had looked, on the side of the road. She had been red all over, a vein popping out of her neck with the force with which she’d said the words. 

It was disgusting. 

Paige, in her very few years of living, had never seen her mom like that. Not when she found out that Paige had made a sharpie masterpiece on the living room walls. Not when she had walked in on Paige cutting her long blonde hair off in choppy chunks with the kitchen scissors. Not when Paige had fed her uncle’s dog chocolate, because “He deserves to try some!”. Even in her worst moments she had never ever seen Amy Bueckers that angry. 

It didn’t make any sense to her, the whole scene had been so beautiful, the group of people glowing red and blue and yellow and every shade in between. Big pieces of fabric had been hoisted up into the sky. The sun had shined down on them like a spotlight, illuminating the beauty of the moment.

So why had her mom gotten so angry? Why had she used those words? What did they mean?

Amidst her pondering, her dad walked into her room. He stopped mid-step and stared at her. 

Paige hadn’t realised that as she lost herself in her thoughts, the words had kept flowing out of her, her mouth had gone numb to the venom that came with saying the names. He continued to stare at her for a minute, he watched as she noticed him and slipped out of her trance. Finally, the words stopped falling out of her mouth.

She turned to look at him and smiled, all milky little teeth and youthful innocence. Hearing those words come from someone so beautiful and young was vile. But hearing it from the mouth of his daughter made bile rise in his throat as his heart dropped to his stomach. It was wrong, all wrong.

Bob realised then that he had a choice to make. He had learnt over the years that he couldn’t control Amy’s questionable politics, something he had chosen to overlook for the sake of love. Yet, the thought had never occurred to him that one day Amy’s beliefs would impact Paige. 

He turned, ducking his head into the hall to check that Amy was still in her spot on the couch, watching whatever lifestyle garbage was playing on the TV. He closed the door softly and came to sit on the edge of Paige’s bed.

“Honey, I need you to know something.” He said it with soft seriousness, piquing Paige’s interest  immediately

“What?” She questioned, big blue eyes staring up at him intently.

“Those words you were saying before, do you know what they mean?”

“No, I just know them ‘cause that’s what mom was saying.”

Bob felt a stab of guilt. That’s exactly what every parent never wants to hear, that their five-year-old was repeating slurs in their bedroom because ‘that’s what mom was saying’.

“Well I need you to know that they are very bad, mean words. And I want you to promise me that you will never, ever use them, okay?” He was looking at her like what he was saying was important, and even though she didn’t really understand, she knew that it really mattered to him.

“Okay. But why dad?” Paige had always been one to question authority, a habit that Bob and Amy had worked tirelessly to decrease. But as she asked her voice was filled with nothing but genuine curiosity.

“Well… you know those people we saw today?” He said slowly, trying to figure out the right way to explain to someone so young.

“The ones mom yelled at? With the pretty rainbows?”

It killed him, it really did, it was the last kind of conversation that he wanted to have with her. He should’ve been tucking her into bed, reading her a bedtime story about magical adventures with swords and castles and happy endings. Not reminiscing on the pride parade that her mom had quite literally rained on.

“Yeah, those ones. They were celebrating this thing called ‘Pride month’, which is for gay people.” As Bob spoke Paige nodded along, taking in the information.

“It looked fun.” She smiled. 

“Yeah, it did.” He smiled back.

“So what are gay people?”

“Gay people are boys that like boys and girls that like girls.” Bob explained, trying to put it into the simplest terms he could muster up.

“Hmmm, okay” 

“And I need you to know that they’re just as important as anyone else. Whoever it is that you love doesn’t make you better, or worse than anyone else.” He said the words with conviction, and Paige hummed in understanding. She was the brightest and kindest little girl he had ever met, it was amazing -and slightly disheartening- that a five year old could understand that respecting other people for who they were was basic decency when her own mother couldn’t.

As Paige stared ahead, deep in thought, a moment of silence passed.

“Do you think I’m gay? All my friends are girls.” She asked, brows furrowed as she contemplated. He nearly chuckled at her question. It was so naive, but the good kind. The kind that came from a place of genuine curiosity and wonder, the kind that was endearing and left a warm glow in his chest.

“I can’t tell you if you’re gay or not.”

“Oh.” This seemed to puzzle her. Her dad could tell her what time to go to bed and what she was going to eat for dinner, but not if she was gay? It just didn’t make sense in her little brain.

“But what I can tell you, is that no matter what you are, gay or not, I love you.” His voice wobbled the tiniest bit as he leant down to hug her tight. “I love you to the moon and back, You’re my whole universe Paigey.”

“I love you too Dad” She squealed, squeezing him as close as she could.

“See you in the morning kiddo.” He said as he flicked off the overhead lights and shut the door.

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The best Bob could hope is that Paige forgets the whole day, letting the memories of her Mom’s outburst fall away with the unremarkable detritus that comes with childhood.

But if not, if somehow the memories did stick, and Paige were to look back on the moment in the years to come, he hoped that she would know better than her mom. That she would think back to the radiant group of people and see them with nothing but love. That she would know her mom was wrong in what she had said.

But above all, he hoped that she remembered that he loved her, and he hoped that that could be enough.

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24th of DECEMBER, 2007

RICHMOND, VIRGINIA

Just like Paige, Azzi Fudd had also learnt about gay people when she was five years old.

It was Christmas Eve, and the Fudd’s were driving to their Aunt Karly’s house in Richmond. 

The house was beautiful, all red brick walls and white detailings, ivy growing up the sides. In every room there were intricate stained glass windows, and when the light shone through the walls turned a million different colours. There were rooms upon rooms, each with their own color scheme and furniture style. Azzi and her brothers would stay in the room next to her parents, with a triple bunk bed and flowery green wallpaper.

Azzi simply adored the house, but what she adored most was the gardens. 

The house was located on the very outskirts of Richmond, so there was much more land than what was normal for the area. Nearly every inch of the property was covered with grass so green it seemed nearly impossible that it could be real. Trees of every kind -orange, lemon, mango- littered the property. The best bit though, in Azzi’s opinion were the rose bushes, found nearly everywhere, under the windows, around the fence. But the best bit of all was outside the back of the house where the flower garden was. Not only were there roses but hydrangeas and lilies and lavender, all leading up to a little gazebo. 

It was simply magnificent. But it also required  a lot of upkeep, a job that aging Aunt Karly simply wasn’t able to do. So instead Karly had hired a local, recent college graduate to care for the grounds. She had been pleasantly surprised at the young girl’s gardening skills, and even more pleasantly surprised when her daughter, Ruby, had revealed that she was dating their gardener, Peyton.

—-------------------------

After an hour or two they had finally reached the stretch of road that led to the house. Azzi got that same giddy feeling she felt every time they visited, the house felt magical. When she was running around the garden everything was possible, she loved it.

Another moment passed, Azzi’s excitement bubbling in her chest, then, the house finally came into view. It was tall and wide and fenced off, though the gates were never closed, literally and metaphorically.

The house was perfect for hosting the massive, Christmas get-together that was held every year. Generosity was undoubtedly an innate trait of the Fudd family. Not one single member of the family, oldest to youngest, could recall a Christmas that they hadn’t opened their invite to at least five non-Fudds. They would always tell whoever they invited that it was a gift to have them there, that the best part of Christmas was spending time with family both old and new. Most often the people invited had lost their own families to disease, or were far away from home for whatever reason, and they would almost always return for years after that, some even bringing the families they’d built since.

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That year, in light of their new relationship and Peyton’s lack of supportive family, Ruby was bringing Peyton to christmas. Karly had reassured Ruby that Peyton was a lovely girl and everyone would love her, but still Ruby was worried that some of the guests' archaic views would make for an awkward gathering.

She knew she was spiraling, but she couldn’t help but worry that even little Azzi would judge them. 

A few nights before the get-together, on one of their weekly skypes, Ruby had tried to bridge the topic with Azzi.

“So Az, y’know how we invite lots of people to Christmas?” She asked, attempting to start the slightly dreaded conversation.

“Yeah! It’s my favourite bit.” She responded, voice high with excitement. Ruby went to continue before she was cut off by Azzi, “Wait, my favorite is potatoes actually. ”

That caused her to chuckle a little, her little cousin’s youthful sincerity easing her worries, if only for a minute.

“Well… I just wanted to tell you that I’m bringing our gardener, Peyton. She’s my…” As she neared the end of her sentence she lost confidence before trailing off quietly. She went silent for thirty seconds as she stared down at her hands. When she looked back up Azzi was staring at her, waiting patiently for a response. She realised then that she still needed to finish her sentence, “She’s my friend.”

“So she’s the one who makes the garden pretty?” Azzi asked inquisitively.

“Yeah, that’s her.” Ruby responded, her nerves only building from the fact she still hadn’t told Azzi about her.

“She’s really good, I’m so so so excited to meet her!” She grinned wide. Ruby knew how much she loved the gardens, and desperately hoped that Azzi would love Peyton just as much.

As her bedtime grew closer Azzi began to grow sleepy. Finally, after her third yawn she decided to admit defeat and called her dad to tuck her into bed, leaving Katie to talk to Ruby.

Katie and Tim both knew that Ruby was dating Peyton, and Katie could sense Ruby’s palpable anxiety about the whole situation. Jose and Jon weren’t yet old enough to fully understand what it meant to date, but Azzi had just reached the age where she could understand the concept of relationships, and she had become quite obsessed with the novelty of the whole idea.

“You know you can tell her honey, she won’t mind, she’ll probably just want to know when you guys are getting married!” Katie explained with a soft smile.

“I know I don’t have any reason to worry, but I am anyway.” Ruby explained. She had always been close to her aunt, who was just as tough as she was soft.

“It’ll be okay hon, I promise.” The red-haired woman soothed. 

Ruby was still very nervous, but she realised that there was no point worrying about something that hadn’t even happened yet. She also remembered that Azzi was the most loving kid she had ever met, and if anyone was going to be supporting her, it was Azzi.

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 After finally managing to wrangle their three young children out of the car, their family stood knocking at the front door step. They could hear footsteps coming towards them. Ruby opened the door and Azzi flung herself into her, she was tall for her age, but not tall enough to reach past her hips, so she settled for squeezing her legs.

“Nice to see you too Azzi!” Ruby chuckled as she shuffled them inside, Azzi seeming intent on not letting go.

The rest of her family had dispersed to go say hi to everyone else there. When Azzi finally let go she was met with the sight of an unfamiliar face.

“Hi Azzi! I’m Peyton, I’m Ruby’s girlfriend, and I work in the gardens.” Peyton smiled, kneeling to be face to face with the little girl. She was really pretty, she had short blonde hair and bluey-green eyes.

“Hi Peyton!” Azzi grinned back, her breath minty fresh from all the candy canes she’d eaten in the car. 

Before Peyton knew what was happening Azzi was throwing herself into her arms, “So you’re the one who makes the gardens so pretty?”

“Yeah that’s me!” Peyton chuckled.

Azzi pulled away from her before grabbing her hand and dragging her out to the garden.

Ruby had watched the whole scene with a smile, of course Azzi would love her. When Peyton turned around laughing Ruby mouthed an ‘I love you’ to her.

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After a long dinner of ham and mashed potatoes, all the guests had spread out around the house and the garden, some playing cards, others having wine.

Azzi had been playing with her brothers in the garden, well she was trying to. Jon was only a little bit younger than her, and could almost keep up with her. Jose on the other hand? It was safe to say the almost-toddler had a long way to go in terms of fine motor skills - and also just motor skills in general.

Ruby and Peyton were sitting in the gazebo chatting when Peyton decided she wanted more cranberry juice. The second she left Azzi came barrelling over to Ruby and hopped into her lap.

“So… Peyton’s your girlfriend?” The small girl questioned curiously.

“Yeah.” Ruby answered simply.

“That’s cool” Azzi responded, unusually quiet for some reason.

Ruby just hummed in response before Azzi continued with a smile, “You’re lucky, she’s really, really pretty.”

“I’m super lucky, she is the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.” Ruby really did feel like the luckiest person in the world. She had no idea how she had bagged someone as amazing as Peyton, it was something she was grateful for each and every day.

 Azzi sat in silence with her comment for a minute, then she added, “So are you guys going to get married soon?”

Ruby bit back a laugh, she did exactly what Katie said she was.

“Well… I think it’s a bit too soon for that. But even if we wanted to, we couldn't.” She responded cautiously. If she didn’t answer right Azzi would be off telling everyone that Ruby and Peyton were actually getting married.

The last bit confused Azzi, “What do you mean? Who’s gonna stop you?”

Ruby tried to explain it in a way that made sense to her cousin’s growing empathetic brain, “It’s a rule the government made. Only boys and girls can marry each other. Gay people can’t get married.”

She nodded along, taking in what she was saying, “So you’re both gay?”

“Uh-huh, we’re both lesbians.” 

“And … ‘lebseens’ can’t get married?” 

“Yup.” Azzi’s little eyebrows furrowed at this, why would anyone stop weddings? It was just silly.

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Azzi huffed, crossing her arms in outrage.

“I know right!” It was bittersweet to watch someone so little learn of the cruel and hateful ways of the world.

“Don’t worry. I’m gonna make them change the rules. I promise.” She said it with such conviction Ruby imagined Azzi storming up to the White House for a split second.

“Thanks Az, you’re the best.” Ruby said, before pulling Azzi into a cuddle.

“Then, when ‘lebseens’ can get married, you can marry Peyton, and I can be a flower girl!” Azzi squealed, there was nothing she loved like a wedding.

“Sounds perfect! I can’t wait!”

They heard the soft click of the back door closing and turned to see Peyton walking towards them with two wine glasses filled with cranberry juice.

“Peyton! We’re talking about your wedding!” Azzi squealed, waving her arms wildly.

“Oh you are?” Peyton laughed, flashing Ruby a knowing smirk, before sitting down next to the two.

Ruby was too happy to feign offense when Azzi moved from her lap into Peyton’s.

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16th of OCTOBER, 2014

OAKRIDGE, VIRGINIA

Paige Bueckers and Azzi Fudd were twelve years old when gay marriage was legalized in the state of Virginia.

It had been a happy day. Oakridge was a predominantly blue town, sure there were a few flag-waving, Trump-loving republicans, but for the most part, it had been a happy day across town. Music played from speakers and chalk-rainbows littered the roads. The gas station gave out a free, small slushie with every transaction over thirty dollars. It was a happy day, but a business day nonetheless.

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Azzi often detailed her intricate wedding plans to Paige. It was one of her biggest dreams, to have a beautiful wedding, she was a firm believer that a beautiful wedding led to a beautiful life. 

She had it all figured out, down to the color of the tablecloths and the thank-you gifts. She knew she wanted the ceremony in her Aunt Karly’s garden gazebo, and the reception to be a healthy mix of indoors and outdoors. Her dad would walk her down the aisle to a live orchestral version of ‘Here comes the Bride’. She would wear a silky gown, off the shoulder, hopefully by then her hair would be grown out, her curls long and thick. 

The one thing she wasn’t clear on was if Paige would be her maid of honor. It was weird, there was no one in the world she loved like she loved Paige, she was her best friend, her world, but the thought of Paige being her maid of honor just didn’t sit right with her. That was the one thing she never mentioned when she spoke of her plans, Paige never pushed it, so she never really thought much of it - she decided that maybe it was better that way.

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The legalisation of gay marriage really did prove to her friends and family that Azzi was a ball of sunshine with a heart of gold.  When the news had come on the night before to announce the news she had sat on the couch and cried tears of joy. 

She cried for Peyton and Ruby, for the gay guys down the road, for everyone really.

She didn’t tell anyone, not even Paige, but she cried for herself too, cried because now she knew that no matter what she would be able to have a beautiful wedding, and a beautiful life. Azzi knew she wasn’t a lesbian, she had crushed on many boys in her grade, but she often felt that she could love a girl too, if the right one came along.

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Paige, on the other hand, expected herself to be rather unmoved on the topic. She had always maintained her position on marriage. She had never had the conversation with her dad, but when the topic came up at school she made her opinions known, she would never ever get married. 

The reason behind that massive, blanket statement was quite obvious to anyone who knew about Paige’s parents. Her mom had just packed up and left, ten years of marriage and a kindergartener just left in the dust. Paige had sworn to herself that she would never be in the position her mom put her dad and herself in.

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Even though she knew she would never get married she imagined the horrid situation often;

She’d be twenty-something and finding herself in some big city somewhere, maybe New York. Sat at a bar he’d sit down at the stool next to her and order two drinks, a whiskey and coke for himself and some flowery, syrupy drink for her. He would be tall, maybe six-foot-two, with broad shoulders, a mess of dark brown hair, and a mouth full of perfect white teeth. It wouldn’t matter whether or not they had hit it off, she’d be in his bed that night, letting herself be touched and touched and touched. It didn’t matter whether or not she liked him. That was how it had to be, she knew that.

In the morning she would wake up naked in a mess of white sheets and stumble into the kitchen wearing one of his oversized white button downs. She wouldn’t have had the chance the night before to take in where she was, the apartment would be massive, all glass window walls and marble countertops. And there he’d be, at the stove frying eggs and bacon, his face serious until he’d see her and the harsh lines of his face would give way to a big smile.

They would sit at the table and talk about whatever it was that you were supposed to talk about when you wake up naked in a half-stranger's apartment. It would be around eight-thirty when he would remember that he had a big, important meeting at his big, important job (that his big, important dad definitely didn’t get him). So he would leave her his credit card and a house key before running out the door as he did his tie. 

Then she’d call Azzi, who would be at some prestigious college, learning about something way too complicated for Paige. They would giggle as Paige regaled the night before and Azzi would tell her how lucky she is and that she should really, really pursue a relationship with him, and so she would. Even in this alternate universe where her dreams of building houses with her dad had and her personal integrity had seemingly vanished, she would still hang onto her best friend’s words like they were gospel.

The days would pass into weeks then months then years. She would end the lease on her crappy apartment and move into his. She would meet his family at a business dinner and laugh and charm them while wearing baby pink heels and a dress that Azzi picked out. A few weeks later, on an impromptu trip to Paris (because that was who she was now), he’d get down on one knee and present her with a massive diamond and ask a question she knew there was only one answer to.

They would get married in a beautiful ceremony, his broad shoulders hugged by an expensive Italian suit, and she’d wear a big, puffy white dress because that’s what he liked and she didn’t know what she liked anymore. When her dad walked her down the aisle Paige would cry and so would Bob, he’d give her hand a squeeze and let her go. Azzi would be her maid of honor, she’d wear a light purple dress, because, as she would have reminded her, purple was her favourite colour. 

At the reception Azzi would give a beautiful speech and both her and Paige would cry and cry and cry. When the festivities had come to a close, the best friend’s would hug and Paige would hold on for a second too long and Azzi would let her. She would know it didn’t mean anything though, because when they pulled apart Azzi would join hands with her husband’s best friend and they’d giggle their way down to their room. 

Then, a few months later, it would be Azzi’s turn to get married. Even in that nightmare world, Azzi planned her wedding exactly as it would have been in any universe. She would wear a silky white dress, off the shoulder, her curls grown out below her shoulders. Tim would walk her down the aisle to a live orchestral version of ‘Here comes the bride’ and Paige would choke back tears in a frilly pink dress as she watched. She’d wince as they kissed, try and fail to keep her composure through her maid of honor speech, then go back to her room and throw up.

She would be two handsome boys and a beautiful girl deep when she realised that she was trapped. She’d know that she had two options, either run away and leave them all behind, the house in the hamptons, the bake sales, the party-hosting, or stay and spend the rest of her life miserable, throwing herself into the lives of her kids and the upkeep of their homes. Of course, she’d pick the latter, no matter what. She would never dream of building a home only to leave it in ruins. But it would ruin her, it really would. Azzi would live next door with her husband and their lovely twin girls and their goldendoodle. They would be happy and they would fuck into their seventies and Paige would listen to a wine-drunk eighty-something Azzi ramble about how good their lives had been, how lucky they both were to have married the men of their dreams and live next to their best friend, then Paige would smile along before excusing herself to go scream into her pillow.

It would only be on her deathbed, surrounded by her loved ones, Azzi holding one hand, her husband holding the other, that she would realise the issue was her. Everyone else in the equation was happy, she was dragging herself down. There would be nothing left for her to want, she had it all, yet it just wasn’t enough for her. Just before her last breath she would squeeze her best friend’s hand and whisper a weak “I love you” into the sterile air and hope that Azzi knew it was for her, for her bestest friend - then again, by then it wouldn’t matter anymore.

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To put it simply, marriage was her worst nightmare. When she was stressed she would actually dream of situations similar to that, a whole, horrible life stretched out before her eyes. Usually she’d wake up screaming somewhere between her first kid and her third annual not-for-profit gala. 

She had always been dead-set on not marrying, but on that day, when girls could marry girls, Paige realised that maybe marriage wouldn’t be too bad.

But then she thought better, pushed that thought to the back of her mind, and doubled-down on her anti-marriage agenda.

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18th of DECEMBER, 2014

OAKRIDGE, VIRGINIA

Paige Bueckers and Azzi Fudd were thirteen years old when they attended the world's worst sleepover.

Shelley McCarthy had invited ten girls over to her house to celebrate her thirteenth birthday. 

She called it a ‘house’ but it was more a mansion than anything else. It was three stories tall, made of sandstone brick and marble, seven beds and baths, and had what was likely the biggest pool in all of America.

Even though winter was just around the corner and there was a bitter chill hanging in the air, Shelley had insisted on swimming and everyone was too scared to disagree with her.

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They were all in Shelley’s room getting changed - all except Azzi who had texted to say that she would be there in twenty minutes.

Paige was in the corner of the room, a comfortable distance away from everyone else. It was crazy to her that a room could be so large that ten girls could fit in together and she wasn’t within a five foot radius of any of them. 

Growing up for such a large part of her life with just her dad meant she often felt awkward when she was surrounded by girls doing girly things. Azzi was different, they could do anything in front of the other and it wouldn’t change a thing, they were best friends forever and always. But Azzi wasn’t there yet, so she was staring at the ground as she shuffled awkwardly into her swimsuit.

When she turned around she stood face to face with Shelley. Paige smiled at her, unsure of what to say. She had no idea why Shelley had invited her, they only spoke because of Azzi, so she had guessed that she was just being nice and making sure she didn’t feel left out.

Shelley did not smile back at her, instead she looked at Paige like she had killed her puppy and shat in her obnoxiously sized pool.

“Like what you see?” Maya sneered from her spot by the window.

Paige didn’t understand what was happening, what was she talking about? “W-what?”

Shelley smirked before taking a step forward, so close Paige could smell her peanut-buttery breath, “She asked, do you like what you see?”

Everything had become weird so fast, as she glanced around the room she noticed all the girls laughing at her.

“Don’t stand so close to her! She’ll probably try to kiss you!” Tiera snickered from somewhere behind them.

“I-I-I don’t want to kiss her!” Paige half-yelled, desperately trying to think of a way to defend herself.

Before anyone could respond the door opened and Azzi came through smiling. Azzi was like sunshine personified, the tension in the room suddenly dispersed. Everyone returned to normal, except for Paige who was stuck in her spot, staring down at the floor trying to make sense of what was happening. 

Azzi had been at the door the whole time, listening in to the girls torture Paige. It made her sick, it really did. She had always thought that Paige might be gay, but she would never ever in a million years push the topic with her. It was possible she was completely off base with her assumption, and it was also very possible that Paige hadn’t even thought of it herself. Most of all though, Azzi knew that if she was, Paige would tell her when she was ready. 

Azzi begrudgingly pulled Shelley into a hug and gave an obligatory ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY’ squeal before walking to stand in front of Paige. Her eyes were trained on the ground, arms crossed across her chest protectively. 

Azzi brought her hand up and rubbed soft lines on Paige’s arm, “Everything alright?”

Paige smiled back weakly, “Yeah, glad you’re here now.”

“Me too P. Me too.” Azzi gave her arm a quick squeeze before shimmying her clothes off and declaring herself ready to swim.

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Paige made a point of not saying a single word to anyone in the pool - except for Azzi of course. It was easy enough to do considering the fact that every other girl there was ignoring her. To make the situation even worse Paige absolutely hated swimming, and it showed she was a horrid swimmer. Azzi said she had a gift for making treading water look like the hardest thing in the world.

She was glad no one was talking to her, partially because it meant she could fully focus on keeping herself afloat beside Azzi but mostly because she was pretty sure no one had anything nice to say to her anyways.

Luckily they made it all the way through the cake -three layers of vanilla with buttercream and strawberry jam between- and pizza without any incident. Paige was hoping that Azzi being there would be enough to deter any nasty comments, but she had a feeling her presence wouldn’t be enough.

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It turned out Paige was right.

They were sitting in a circle on the massive fluffy rug on Shelley’s floor when someone decided that truth or dare would be a fun idea.

A few rounds had passed before Maya made Paige her target. The second she called out her name the room filled with tension, all but Azzi watching in amusement, seemingly in on some inside joke the other two weren’t.

“Truth or Dare?” The question was charged. It was either pick dare and be forced to kiss someone who’d act like she tried to hook up with them, or she would pick truth and be asked some embarrassing, mean question. 

She went for the lesser of the two evils. “Truth I guess…” 

Everyone was wide-eyed in anticipation. Paige’s breath had suddenly grown shallow and fast, she felt like the room was closing in on her. She turned to look at Azzi hoping for some reassurance, but her best friend looked just as concerned as her. 

“Hmmm, have you ever kissed anyone?” 

It sounded like an innocent question, unlike what Paige had been waiting for so she decided to answer honestly.

“No I haven’t.” That answer would’ve been good enough, the game probably would’ve continued and she would’ve had more time to prepare before she was asked again. But instead of leaving it at that she decided to continue, “I don’t really like any of the boys at our school.”

Laughter broke out amongst the girls at that. Neither Paige nor Azzi had ever heard laughs of that sort. They were high pitched like hyenas and seemed to echo off the tall, stark white walls of the room. Azzi shuffled closer, their arms touching, and for a moment Paige felt like it would all be okay.

Finally once they calmed down, Tiera chimed in, “So you don’t like the boys. What about the girls?”

Now that was the type of question she had been expecting. “I don’t like girls, I’m not a lesbian.” She tried her hardest to sound sure of herself, to get them to back off, but her words came out wobbly and unsure. She could feel Azzi’s eyes on her, watching her as she spoke.

“Sure you’re not…” Shelley said sarcastically as she rolled her eyes.

“I’m not!” She hissed back, this only made the girls laugh harder. A massive lump had formed in her throat, why did this have to happen to her?

“Shut up, you guys aren’t funny.” Azzi had come to her rescue. Of course she had. No one had her back like her best friend. She was so strong, so willing to defend Paige. 

“God chill out Azzi, what are you her girlfriend?” Maya joked.

“Ha! Paige totally likes Azzi, don’t you Paige?” Paige wasn’t even sure who was talking to her anymore. She felt like the room was closing in on her, like she was being squeezed to death, with the way things were going she thought death by wall strangulation might be the best way to go..

“What? No I don’t!” Paige had turned bright red, her face burning hot. She didn’t cry much anymore, but if she did she would be in absolute hysterics at that moment. All she heard when she spoke was another round of raucous giggles and “Yes you do!”s.

“C’mon Paige, I’ll call my dad, he can pick us up” Azzi had risen to her feet and was grabbing onto Paige’s arm trying to pull her up as well. When she finally stood up they both turned to their bags and shoved their stuff inside as quickly as they could.

The whole time a chorus of insults are being thrown at them. Although ‘them’ was really just Paige.

“Yeah, well good fuckin’ riddance anyway!”

“No one even wanted you here in the first place Paige!”

“You only got invited cause my mom feels bad for you!”

“We’re better off anyway without you trying to kiss us!”

Maybe in a normal situation she would have time to think about what they were saying, to let the hurt sink in. But her situation was anything but normal, and she was too busy being upset about all the other stuff to care about what they had to say about her.

The two girls shuffled out of the bedroom down the glossy marble hallways, past the kitchen where Azzi called out with a cordial “Thank you for having us!” before they leant against the massive mailbox at the front of the McCarthy house.

They waited in silence. Azzi thought of consoling Paige but then she thought better. The blonde was radiating something unreadable. Still, Azzi could tell that whatever thoughts were swirling around in Paige’s mind, were not ones she was interested in sharing.

Tim pulled up after five minutes of waiting, Azzi’s text hadn’t told him why they needed to be picked up, just that it was really urgent. He was going to ask them what had happened, but when he saw Paige and Azzi’s look of concern he decided to wait till the morning.

It was only a short, ten minute drive home, but as the three all sat dead silent in the car it felt more like fifty. The whole time Paige had been severely engrossed in her thoughts. When Azzi turned to look at her she thought that the older girl was staring intensely out the window, but in reality she was staring intensely at herself. When they pulled into the Fudd’s driveway Paige did something that surprised both Azzi and Tim, she mumbled a goodbye and a ‘Thank you’ before walking off down the street.

Azzi knew for sure that Paige was really troubled by whatever thoughts she was having, and she had an inkling that it had a lot to do with the things Shelley and her friends had said.

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NOTE: I hope you guys enjoyed this one, the next two might come a little quicker than normal cause I've already got the plot and stuff for them fully mapped out. Like I said before feel free to leave feedback and stuff in my inbox or in my messages.

Thanks again for reading :)

[lxdymoon0357]

Idk if your requests are open it not but if it is can you give me some pinjng for Roxanna x fem reader / gen reader? I need more of her 😭

(Honestly, understandable. She is a bit of a goddess...a demonic one, but a goddess nonetheless. Homophobia LGBT ally)

© Writing belongs to me, Lxdymoon0357. Do not plagiarize, but reblogging, liking and commenting is deeply appreciated.

Roxanna Agriche X Fem! Reader Headcanons.

⊈ Rozanna either met you as you were her maid or you were a pet from another noble house. Either way, she had you under her control, doing her dangerous betting every single day. She had you easily wrapped around her perfectly, bloody manicured finger.

⊈ Your life was daily in her hands and she was always careless with it, but you know what you did when you came here; either by force or own desperate situation, but of-course it never scared less not knowig which is your last day.

⊈ Eventually you and her did fall in love and she had you close...Though Lante was horrified at his daughter being in love with a girl, but afterwards he calmed down and let her date you, as long as she'd somehow get a child for him to his lineage continues and Roxanna nonchalantly agrees.

⊈ Level passed!! New Level: You're an Agriche now!

⊈ Of-course you're now also a victim to many of the Agriches, including Dion, Charlotte, Fondaine and possibly others. But it's okay, Sierra adores you, Maria...she is weirdly infatuated, Jeremy is slightly jealous you're taking his sister's attention, but eventually you also become his friend.

⊈ She often feeds your blood to the butterflies as well, so they can recognize you too. Also adding tiny doses of poison into your tea, food, drinks. Has the most expensive furs decorating you with the heaviest security around your room.

⊈ Freedom is basically non-existent with the way she moved you into her room and you didn't go outside for like...three months! (I know it's normal for you nerds, probs. But please be normal right now.) ut yeah, almost zero freedom of going out, your'e free to do yada yada in your room though.

⊈ I know for SURE! Roxanne doesn't allow Dion anywhere near you, you'll easily be his next victim so Dion can see Roxanne's emotions more rawful, Charlotte is just annoyed with you being here, because you're simply BELOW her and you're also one of the favourites of THIS HOUSE?! FUCK YOU!

⊈ Speaking of favourites, you'll be joining them in Lant's "special-favourite children dinner" whenever it happens, maids and butlers and cooks are asked to taste everything in advance so you don't get poisoned by ANYONE. It will rain hell by Roxanna if anything happened.

⊈ Has you in makeout sessions right before bed, her fingers gently groping your tits and tweaking your nips, very gently though...depends if it leads to more or simply just a makeout sessions where you both sleep snuggled against each other, where she wakes up every few hours to make sure you're alive.

⊈ Has made sure you're always as safe as her mum, speaking of her mum. You spend a majority of your free time with Sierra, she likes you though a bit nervous around you two. You have to be super nice and get her to warm up to you and she'll adore you as much as she adores her daughter, likes that someone in this house brings her daughter happiness even if she herself couldn't.

⊈ Lanta, Charlotte, Dion, Maria, Grizelda are weirdly homophobic..yet allies? I don't get it, but imagine them just mocking Roxanne for liking a girl despite being beautiful, but the moment a guy or anyone would try to get near you and the person is dead because they're like "Not Roxanne's little shit, you fucker. I'll fuck you up if you hurt her, she's only ours to hurt" like a messed up family dynamic which is hysterically insane.