#one of the most potent scenes imo

[straynoahide]

The chosen, 4x8 Humble ( timestamp: 27:40 )

Jesus: "Rabbi Shmuel, what would you like to see, regardless of who, what is your hope for a Messiah?"

Shmuel: "To usher in a new Davidic Kingdom, that drives out our oppressors, and restores justice and glory for Israel"

Jesus: "Hm. Glory?"

Shmuel: "Yes. On a glorious throne, with prosperity for all. A new Golden Age, with Israel as the Light to the Nations, revealing G-d to the peoples of the world?"

Jesus: "And you? What will you do in that day?"

Shmuel: "Worship? Serve, I hope. How can I possibly know until that day comes?"

Jesus: "I will tell you. When the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the angels with Him, then, He will sit on His glorious throne. Before Him will be gathered nations, and He will separate people one from another, as a shepard separates the sheep from the goats. He will place the sheep on the right, and the goats on the left.

Then the King will say to those on His right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom that has been prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry, and you gave me food. I was thirsty, and you gave me drink. I was a stranger, and you welcomed me. I was naked, and you clothed me. I was sick, and you visited me. I was in prison, and you came to me.'

Then the righteous will answer him, saying, 'Lord, when did we do these things for you', and the King will answer, 'Truly I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'

Then he will say also to those on His left, 'Depart from me; for I was hungry, and you gave me no food; I was thirsty, and you gave me no drink; I was a stranger, and you did not welcome me; naked, and you did not clothe me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit me.'

Then they will answer Him saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister to you? Then He will answer them, saying, 'As you did not do it to one of the least of These, you did not do it to me.'"

Shmuel: "This is a hard teaching."

Jesus: "I do not know how to make it less so."

[lacecap]

vocaloid 2023

my whole youtube playlist, including numerous songs not listed, can be found here!

as per tradition, here are some of my personal fav songs from 2023 :-) standouts are definitely kyoufuu all back girl by yukopi & hito mania by sasuke haraguchi, not sure if i've seen any other vocaloid songs reach these levels of virality as instantaneously since goodbye sengen!

listing has my favorites towards the top (but the ranking isnt that strict), bolded are my super favorites, & some extra ramblings will be appended at the very end. smiles

2023 standouts :-)

first, my no. 1 top song:

none other than the viral & wonderfully bizarre hito mania by sasuke haraguchi :-) !! its not often that a song as popular as this takes my number one slot! haraguchi has this talent for making sounds that should not ever be used in a song just... work. its so ridiculously catchy that i havent tired of it at all, even with the truly Massive influx of covers/remixes/mads/memes made since. its charm is precisely in just how eccentric, bizzare, and most importantly new it is. its something really fresh to the scene & im looking forward to more of haraguchi's vocalsynth stuff in the future!!

and with that stated, on with the listing!

the awesomeness begins

here are some of my favorite songs out of the more mainstream, or rather more-likely-to-be-recognized, bunch:

(x) | akotoba by sasuke haraguchi ft. miku

i have a dedicated bullet point describing my love for this song at the very bottom of this post LOL

(x) | babel by iyowa ft. teto

(x) | unpoison by sodeno arawa ft. miku

probably the most potent earworm on this list to me

(x) | actress by iyowa ft. hanakuma chifuyu

(x) | anta ni akkanbe by hifumi ft. miku

(x) | shinjinrui by marasy, jin, and kemu ft. rin

(x) | for dear life by niru kajitsu ft. flower

(x) | neruna spooky by picdo ft. adachi rei

(x) | fantasia by sasakure.uk & uk rampage ft. miku

(x) | girl a remix by nekobolo ft. rin

(x) | od by akagami de wa nai ft. kaai yuki & miku

why are you only a minute long stop doing that to your songs you are killing them...

(x) | √ (roots) by minato ft. xingchen

(x) | bouquet garni by niru kajitsu ft. flower

(x) | the exit 8 by eo ft. rin

(x) | a mysterious call by r-906 ft. rose & popy

(x) | tiny me by masarada ft. teto

(x) | voidroid by r-906 ft. haru, miku, & una

(x) | warning time by youman ft. gumi <- tuninggg

(x) | x.e.n.o by sasakure.uk ft. miku & kaito

(x) | hoiyoho by yukuewat ft. kochie, anna nyui, and mine laru

(x) | (not) a devil by deco & pino-p ft. miku

(x) | do not solve me by frog96 ft. rime

(x) | a drowned body wants to be lovey-dovey by lonepi ft. miku

(x) | passing gazes, overlapping words by frog96 ft. teto

(x) | chilly by yomitan akane ft. teto

(x) | idiotic communication by isonosuke ft. chis-a

this song is like hito mania's beautiful estranged cousin or perhaps sibling to me

(x) | rarehen wa by wanopo ft. rin & len

(x) | self proclaimed angel by kat ft. tsurumaki maki

(x) | ime-chan wants to become a guitar hero by ime44 ft. yuki

(x) | denki youho by inabakumori ft. miku

(x) | honto no by sasuke haraguchi ft. teto

kind of a genius response song to hito mania's immense popularity imo

(x) | frog phenomenon by adeliae ft. kaai yuki

(x) | hito mania remix by camelots ft. teto

you know the remix is good when they sample crazy frog

hidden gem/underrated section

now thisss. is where the really good stuff is hiding.

note: this may include songs that are decently popular but whose producers are less so; or the inverse i.e. producers who are popular but with overlooked songs (meaning this is very subjective!)

(x) | A⇌あ⇌A by subesakuhin ft. mine laru

an english original subeana styled song! geuninely so obsessed with these lyrics

(x) | chef's kimagure rock by inuha ft. miku

(x) | hanashi kawaru kedo by inuha ft. miku

inuha has such a charming way of playing with tempo in their songs; this one in particular has very surprisingly sweet lyrics

(x) | lethe by aliey:s ft. miku

(x) | tapir by saeki tatsuki ft. miku

ohhhh. ohhhh. i will cry. i will

(x) | sunk cost by aliey:s ft. flower

(x) | keep your headaches by ryo iogi ft. teto

(x) | potentially avant-garde girl by yumameane ft. teto

(x) | nothingness by liru jinzhi ft. kaai yuki & shian

(x) | my speakers broke by asanuko ft otomachi una, len, & miku

song of the summer

(x) | lies and the future by uwabe ft. adachi rei

(x) | 奴隷 by atokata ft. nene nene

(x) | dance hall end by aruseika ft. miku

all-in-one talent alert (musician, artist, animator) aruseika also has a making-of video detailing how they both composed & animated the song!!

(x) | goodnight cold sleeper by ro2noki ft. adachi rei

(x) | デバフ脳 by last 4 cigarettes ft. tsukuyomi-chan

(x) | pained. by minamo minato ft. yamine renri

(x) | hymn to the decadent life by ro2noki ft. teto

(x) | tentacle by midluster ft. kaai yuki

(x) | edo disco by yumameane ft. teto

(x) | 焦燥 by kinoue64 ft. miku

(x) | tenshi dattandayo by ft. ǢǪ ft. miku & xingchen

(x) | rot away by lvnarlii ft. teto

(x) | ▀ by 全ては裏で動く。ft. defoko

(x) | counting sheep by saeki tatsuki ft. miku

watch this for the mv! its a loop of an animation that lasts only a few seconds, but its both beautiful & incredibly impressive being that its hand drawn

(x) | 頼リタイアガール by midluster ft. kanade kanon

(x) | repeated poems by 全て私達の所為にするな。

(x) | final end roll by kinoue64 ft. miku

(x) | eyesight love by xaneiro ft. flower

(x) | migiwa rinshou by nakase miru ft. rime

(x) | ⋆ by ueil ft. miku

(x) | 墓場 by den9 ft. teto

(x) | -_- by egao ft. defoko

i did not know their name is egao thats funny as hell

(x) | 潜 by 全て画質の所為です���ft. defoko

(x) | いはないお約束 by xaneiro ft. flower

warning for intense glitching/flashing throughout this mv!

rambling section

beautiful year for adachi rei & teto enjoyers in my opinion... tetos synthv release really caused such a huge uptick in teto originals & rei is still riding off of that heat abnormal high lol its been wonderful to witness

i promise you i'm surprised only one project voltage song made the list too! i guess i really only enjoyed inabakumori's song. jin's song is in here in spirit too (trans miku + eevee... perfection) but ultimately i'm not the hugest fan of the song itself (it is sooo cute though)

so many songs under two minutes long So so so sad this isn't healthy for them. you have to stop. this is a phenomenon happening across music in general and not specific to vocaloid whatsoever but i think its funniest to blame this on surii

quite a few xx/subeana styled songs made the list this year just bc i got really into exploring the genre!! and my youtube recommendations helped out a lot lol. keeping in true spirit with the genre though a number of them have since been unlisted

i included kyoufuu all back in the introductory paragraph but excluded it from my actual listing and this was not a mistake. i have sadly grown somewhat sick of it. such is the way with immense popularity... it really is a cute song but oh my god is yukopi getting so much damn mileage out of it

iyowa really knocked it out of the ballpark earlier this year with babel & actress those are both soooo so so good. actress in of itself is just a really well executed narrative whereas babel is such a clever song celebrating teto's synthv release (it being a duet between her synthv & utau banks, her drills quite literally as an inverted tower of babel, babel because her synthv bank allows her to sing in multiple languages... a slight copycat of a cynosure madonna!!!)

but mannn synthv releasing Both teto & gumi banks this year, not to mention the kafu announcement??? insane. its like a vocalsynth monopoly up in here

RAMBLING SECTION SOLELY FOR AKOTOBA: what a lovely lovely lovely song. part of its charm for me is the fact that, being a haraguchi song, you go into it expecting it to veer wildly off course or incorporate some sort of bizzare musical twist; but the twist is that there is no twist! its instead just this really pure & beautiful build up to a vibrant & joyful chorus, no tricks. its so celebratory sounding!! & i find it charming how its still obviously a haraguchi song, complete with his signature strangeness (the scream sfx), but tempered into something sooo sweet. the proseka note haraguchi wrote for the song too really melts my heart; i know it was meant to be somewhat humorous but i find something so so so beautiful in the concept of a song made for the first time in a world where music has all but virtually disappeared... im glad that miku + teto + haraguchi are all still alive and well in the year 3023 lol. genius move to have the title be a play on ai kotoba too. genuinely cannot help but break into a wide smile whenever i listen to this song

now with all my praise for haraguchi out of the way, my actual favorite producer of this year has to be.... yukuewat! i found them beginning of january and have been in love ever since. my favorite songs of theirs weren't released in 2023, so they make scant appearances on this list, but they were one of the producers i listened to the most this past year! their tuning is perfection to me, i feel like they occupy this really intrinsic-to-vocalsynth niche where their tuning is both robotic AND emotional; having all the harsh consonants and precisce diction you can only get from a vocalsynth but arrested with emotions that feel organic, despite sounding distinctly nonhuman. that is what vocalsynth is all about to me!!! not to mention their style is both addictively catchy & unique, i don't think i can name another musician off the top of my head who makes music like they do. theyre a huge huge favorite of mine, and with their gradually rising popularity, i hope more ppl come to recognize them soon!!!

and with all that said too, apparently according to youtube music my top artist for 2023 was not yukuewat but asanuko!!! i guess i listened to the speaker song more than i realized lol

if you read all of this i love you with my entire heart

[sandraharissa]

So ever since my first watching I noticed the smoke in that scene and was like, ok so Silco and Vi are not really seeing each other, but I was still ok with it cos the symbolism still works. However now that I think about it I wish they just actually had them see each other.

I remember some comments about how them not seeing each other is kinda helping the scene, cos Vi seeing Silco with Jinx should motivate her even further to ignore her safety and rush towards them, but I’m still in the opposite camp.

You see, to me the meaning of the scene is essentially Silco and Vi reliving leaving/meeting Powder and this even further reinforcing their positions and views on each other. We got Silco finding Jinx when she’s in need and taking her with him, we’ve got Jinx feeling like she’s abandoned by Vi and Vi indeed leaving the vicinity temporarily, and we’ve got Vi trying to rush back but being prevented by enforcers. So that’s quite the potent scene and I still get the impression that we can assume the characters experienced it as such, or at least the editing really suggests that. Without necessarily needing to know that the other is behind the fog Silco can still blame what happened on enforcers (so Cait and Vi by association) and see the scene as 'I need to be there for Jinx to protect her (from them)' or even as Vi abandoning Jinx all over again, meanwhile Vi can blame it on Silco and see it as him taking Jinx away from her all over again in a 'if I failed to get through to her or get to her then she's still completely Silco's' sorta way. But then why not simply commit to this fully and just have them see each other? Especially cos moving forward the creators kinda wrote it as tho Vi did see Silco with Jinx. She’s quite chill with Cait in her room and is very melancholic and reminisces about Powder and her one mistake that she has to make right and I’m like ‘how do you even know she’s still alive?’. And she comes up with this plan to take down Silco and his empire and that that’s how she’ll get her sister back and I’m like ‘how do you even know she’s still alive?’.

To me it’s believable that needing to stay with injured Cait, a platoon of enforcers, a blockade that turned into a semi-land mine field and Silco and his goons and the fact that she can project the blame for everything onto Silco make it ok enough for me that she didn’t go back for Jinx. I actually think her being mad that Silco’s with her but at least knowing that she’ll live is more likely to result in her being pissed but deciding against doing anything than if she doesn’t even know if her sister will survive and still does nothing.

Vi is smarter/not as hot-headed as most ppl think imo and she understands that all that happened in the scene was maintaining of the status quo when it comes to her/Jinx/Silco and that she can’t do anything more in the moment and so instead shifts her focus solely on playing the long game of getting rid of Silco and all his influence as a be-all end-all solution.

Ig the tldr is that I think it's more in character for Vi to not got back for Jinx if she can tell that she's gonna be alright even if she's pissed about Silco being with her rather than if she doesn't even know if her sister will survive. I also absolutely love the mad look taking over Vi's features after Silco turns around and starts walking away so it's almost a crime she's not reacting to it but instead is supposed to just be pissed in general ig.

[fortheturnstiles]

Lemme get uhhhh, 4, 5, & 47 off that list please

4. Favorite movie soundtrack.

phantom of the paradise (1974). NEXT!

5. Top 5 films of your favorite actor and actress.

oh jesus . i don't know who my favorite actor & actress are really and there are definitely a handful of them but for the sake of the question and so we are not here listing movies all day i will pick two.

KEANU REEVES

My Own Private Idaho (1991) - ok i don't feel like explaining this one you will just have to trust me on it

Point Break (1991) - for starters acab includes johnny utah but this has to be near the top because i think from an acting standpoint this is a movie i would show to people who have the preconceived notion that keanu is a 'bad actor' to prove them wrong. he's great in this!! above all else i think he has a very magnetic screen presence that exists in all of these that i'm mentioning but it's probably at its highest here.

The Matrix Reloaded (2003) - this is my favorite matrix film :)

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992) - ok i know the british accent isn't good and he's so wooden and weird in this but jonathan harker my babygirl light of my life i love you so. i think the chemistry he has with winona ryder and gary oldman is so potent that it outweighs the quality of his performance. they made his hair grey to show that time had passed.

Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey (1991) - ok sorry for retroactively editing this i reread the question and realized this isn't about the actor's performances but the movies themselves. and bill and ted's bogus journey is the pinnacle of cinema

PARKER POSEY

Josie and the Pussycats (2001) - because fiona is the most jerkin' girl in the world. i would let her lure me into her evil record company and ruin my life

Party Girl (1995) - again parker posey is the coolest girl in the entire world. she organized that guy's record collection with the dewey decimal system.

The Doom Generation (1995) - i know she appears in one scene and her total amount of lines could probably be counted on both hands but nothing will ever beat sword wielding lesbian brandi

Clockwatchers (1997) - underrated one in her filmography imo. toni collette is also wonderful in this!!!

Waiting for Guffman (1996) - [solemnly, while grilling a single unseasoned chicken wing] "i'll always have a place at the Dairy Queen....."

47. Movies that you think everyone should watch (not necessarily your favorites)

phantom of the paradise NEEXT!!!!!!! just kidding here's other movies. this one is kinda hard because there are a great number of my favorite films that i think everyone should watch .... hmmm . okay i'm just gonna do a rapid fire list for this one

Wings of Desire (1987)

Alien (1979)

Night of the Living Dead (1968)

Chungking Express (1994)

Moonstruck (1987)

Do The Right Thing (1989)

Harold and Maude (1971)

Mamma Mia! (2008)

9 to 5 (1980)

Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)

[elliesgaymachete]

Hello,

I read your criticism concerning the way Tess died, and thought a little bit about the kiss scene. Imo, the kiss was a way of showing the audience that the fungus was taking control of Tess, and that she was already connected to the rest of the infected. It didn't feel sexual, and I don't think it served the function of a kiss.

Tess couldn't move : the fungus was telling her to stay put. If she had been herself, if she could have moved, she would have. But she did not, because her body wasn't hers anymore. She was already infected, the fungus had taken over her. She just had enough willpower to make the building explode.

The infected recognized Tess as a partner/another infected : the fungus pushed that infected to come and connect the strings in its mouth to Tess. It wasn't a kiss at all, it was the fungus moving into Tess, connecting with her. Furthering her infection and linking her to the other infected.

To me, this scene served to show the audience how the fungus connects through infected human bodies. It was the theme of the episode : showing us that the fungus knows when it is being stepped on, showing us that infected people move as one because they are connected through the fungus. And then, showing us how infected bodies can help the fungus connect to other infected bodies. We know that the fungus most potent symptom are those strings coming out of the infected's mouthes. It does make sense that the fungus would use those particular strings to connect with other infected. A 'kiss' is the most effective way. The fungus gets right into another infected's mouth.

Sure, it's gross. But, to me at least, it helped the audience understand that Tess was already too far gone to be saved, and helped understand how the fungus works. It had no sexual purpose, no ambiguity. Or, at least, I didn't see it.

Hello! I definitely understand that and it was clear that the fungus was taking over and leaving her past the point of no return. I just personally thought it could have been conveyed better in a way that doesn’t fall into dated horror tropes. I did go to film school so I can tend to be a little critical of shows and movies, especially when it comes to slightly problematic tropes 😅

I’m not saying that it was intended to be sexual, but all art is open to interpretation, and with the history of horror films oversexualizing women in danger (or dead), it’s very easy to interpret in that way. I know I’m not the only one who did as well. I know what they were going for, but I think they could have easily conveyed the same thing without the unfortunate connotation.

For example, we already saw that the bodies of the fireflies were connected to the fungus when it triggered the horde—they could have that part of the fungus creep up Tess and slowly start to engulf her. Tess was bitten on the shoulder, so they could have had the infection go there instead of her mouth.

Regardless of what their intention was, I still really enjoyed the episode. It’s just that moment that I think could have been done differently and been an improvement. I’m not going to let one moment that I didn’t like ruin my enjoyment of the whole show

[mayasdeluca]

ACA Here, so I was just albe to watch all the scenes of Carina and Maya (I refuse to watch anything with Grey sorry)

First of all Stefania continues to improve her speech pattern/accent/pronunciation , I’m very impressed, it’s still a tiny bit forced if you pay close attention to it, especially when Stefania talks medical and long sentences, her stops are still a bit too measured and not 100% natural but she improved tons, she has a pretty great dialect coach imo.

It does take time to adjust from a speech pattern technique that you are being using for all your life, but that’s totally normal, I’d love to see Stefania in other projects and see how these modifications she’s working on translate on other projects.

A part from this technical details, she was pretty amazing, the final part where she hides from Maya, holy shit, damn, no words only feelings.

What to say about Danielle!!!

She literally puts all the scenes on her very talented shoulders, I’m in awe with her acting, when she screamed at Carina while obviously try not to lose control and holding as much as possible: “STOP TELLING ME WHAT I NEED” I jumped, I got scared a bit by Maya for the first time, and I think Carina did too, it’s rare to be able to feel such strong physical emotion/response from a scene for me and this did it (I’m not complimenting the writings, cause a part from this, the rest was a fucking mess, cheap childish rookie predictable writing) do not let me start on how most of it becomes about Jack as usual, my hope is that they keep him out of Maya recovery and future reconciliation with Carina, we never really needed him and especially now!

Going back to Danielle, in my personal opinion she’s the most talented actress on S19 and most of GA (I put her very close to Sandra Oh) and she’s wasted there, I really hope for her career, that once she’s out of this shitty show, she can get a real project where she can show off without restrictions and have all the artist freedom she wants while given great writing to work on!

One thing is that some actors, once they played a specific character for years, even doing a great job, have problem adjusting to other shows/characters, they kinda disappoint me on other projects, so I guess what I’m saying I hope she’s not a character actress but a more complete one, only time will tell!

There’s nothing you can do, Stefania and Danielle have this once in a lifetime chemistry connection, that a few couple in acting had, I’m not gonna give you any examples because it could be very subjective, but some are undeniable, like their.

Anyway I’m not going more into it cause I could analyze their scenes for hours, but at the same time these scenes are so potent that I have problem watching them too many times, it took me a while to be able to watch them cause I knew they were way to powerful and indeed they were emotionally draining.

On another note I love how shitty Maya looked even if in a couple of close-up I could see a few brushes of make up.

She looked like death.

And I also love how I’m starting to dislike Maya a bit, I think Danielle did a great job on making us hating her (it’s not just the writing it’s literally her mannerisms and acting choices) I wanna see if they finally can give her a more complete storyline possibly a redemption healing one.

On the other side I won’t mind is Stef and Danielle leave the show, but it’s gonna be hard for them to get a project where they can have leading or even supporting roles especially Stefania, considering her Hollywood age, and her nationality, I know it’s sounds terrible said like this, believe me I know it’s sound horrible even by only writing it, it wanna makes me vomit and cry, but this is how Hollywood works, even if things are getting better, and there are more roles for over 40/50 yrs young actresses, it’s simply the truth for TV, I understand if they decide to do 10 more years of GA or S19, I mean even Ellen is tired of it but she’s economically set for life at this point.

You don’t wanna throw away a good steady job, also if it goes after season seven they prob go on syndication and can ask for a raise, and that’s why I think season 7 will prob be the last.

Anyway as usual I wrote twice as much of what I wanted but half of what I was thinking…

Love your comments and reviews!!

Hi ACA!

Thanks for the great thoughts/insight as always. I totally agree with the assessment on Stefania and Danielle. Danielle is super talented and yes, I hope that once Station 19 is over she's able to branch out and do other projects because her talent deserves to be recognized. I don't think she's just a one character type of talent, I think she'll excel with any kind of material. You can just tell.

The makeup team did a great job with Maya! And yes, Hollywood is definitely a tough business so I would assume they would want to stay at a steady/stable job until they can't anymore. But I hope for both of their sakes they're able to be successful elsewhere when the time comes because they both deserve it. That's an interesting point about what happens with a show after season seven, it does make me wonder if seven will be the last too. I mean it's hard to say because ABC does an awful job at promoting it and have for a while now so who knows. It's still doing better than Grey's though in ratings lol but I guess we'll see!

[shinsocest]

No. 003

♡ AKA: "Fated" ♡

Notes: another from my archive :) I originally wrote for a friend of mine. Also @boosyboo9206 I remembered while drafting that the Kuroo one had a lot of this au's context so we out here rawdogging the fics understanding lmao.

wc: 4.6k

warnings: fem reader, soulmate au, alpha/omega dynamics, shameless use of the Terushima scene, no protection, explicit consent (but for those who don't fully get abo its probably dubcon), Hajime type behavior but very soft imo. Just a very self indulgent alpha Iwaizumi fic.

Iwaizumi glowers at nothing as the bass thumps around him.

Well, not nothing. If he had to choose, he’s definitely glowering at Shittykawa, even though he can’t find the annoying bastard. Iwaizumi might be at a party but he isn’t really having the greatest time. He’s only there because Oikawa dragged him to scope out their rival frat’s party, the first of the new semester.

He wasn’t in the mood for any of it; Iwaizumi would have preferred to be at home studying and going to sleep early enough for a pre-workout before practice tomorrow. So everything is pissing him off. He can’t find Oikawa, Mattsun and Makki are too busy joyfully causing everyone to stare, the two alphas shamelessly making out on the couch, and this is the third fucking time they’ve played this song in the last half an hour. Who cares if it's popular?

Iwaizumi is stuck prowling the house looking for the brunet alpha so he can drag him out of here by the scruff of the neck. There’s hardly a difference between this party and any of the other’s that they’ve thrown themselves. Being here is fucking pointless.

As he’s rounding the corner, finally escaping the sitting room and its herbal smoke cloud, Iwaizumi gets a whiff of distress scent. As faint as it is, it's enough to make him turn around to search it out. It seems to be coming from a pretty omega, fingers wrapped too firmly around a plastic cup, cornered against the wall by a familiar blonde undercut. Iwaizumi can see the polite annoyance plastered across your face, the firm shake of your head as you deny whatever advances Terushima seems to be making. As assertive as you appear, Iwaizumi can smell your anxiety, the sour ripple of your scent burning faintly in his nose and blocking out something sweeter that lingers beneath it all. The rival fraternity president doesn’t seem to be taking no for an answer.

Iwaizumi growls under his breath. He’s not in the mood for this. Even on a good day he can’t ignore this stereotypical alpha behavior, but today has not been a good day.

There’s no hesitation as he changes direction towards the pair. He can feel the red creep into his vision as Terushima wraps a hand around your wrist, trying to entice you closer to the pounding music where people are dancing, not letting go even when you dig your heels in to remain rooted in place.

He gets close enough for his voice to be heard and throws his scent out. The potent, pissed scent of a territorial alpha. Conversation dies in the throats of everyone nearby as they catch wind of it. Terushima’s shoulders stiffen at the strength of it and he turns, in the same moment as Iwaizumi speaks, gruff and deep,

“Baby, who’s this guy? He bothering you?”

He hopes you get it.

Both of you snap their heads to him, Terushima’s smile dropping immediately while your eyes widen in relief. Iwaizumi relaxes as you take the bait, quickly scooting around Terushima to snake your arm around his. Some people look on curiously, but most skitter off and mind their business.

Good, it’s not a fucking show, Iwaizumi growls internally.

“What took you so long,” you pout at him and Iwaizumi almost grins at how easily you slip into the role—but then he remembers how often this crap must happen for this to be necessary and the upturn of his lip disappears. He levels a heavy stare at the other alpha as he responds.

“The guys held me up, I came as soon as I could.”

“Thought you said you came alone?” Terushima throws out casually.

Your fingers tighten around his forearm, “I didn’t say I wasn’t meeting anyone. You didn’t seem too interested in listening to what I had to say.”

Iwaizumi raises his eyebrows at that, glad you were brave enough to put the other alpha in his place. The pain in Terushima’s uneasy smile as he forces a laugh soothes some of the anger simmering in Iwaizumi’s veins, and his shoulders relax as Terushima makes some half-assed excuse about checking to make sure the kitchen was stocked.

Once the blonde disappears, Iwaizumi turns to you, gently slipping his arm out of yours. He eyes you with concern.

“You okay?” You’re shaking slightly. Eyes wide, slightly wet, and a little unfocused. His concern grows immensely, glancing at your drink. “Did he give you that? Do I need to take you somewhere?”

Those words seem to shake you out of it. “No,” your voice is low, the tremor to it barely audible over the music. “I got this for myself, and I kept it away from him. I’m just—he made me nervous is all. Thank you for stepping in when you did.”

Your trembling hasn’t stopped, even though your voice grows stronger as you speak, that anxious scent of yours spiking through your scent blockers. He can see the little patch now that he is closer, and realizes how scared you must still be if it’s getting through.

“He was being a dick. Anyone would’ve done it,” Iwaizumi mutters, ducking his head as his cheeks warm visibly. The way you eye around the room nervously unconsciously brings more words to his lips. “Were you meeting anyone? I could help you find them.”

Slowly, you shake your head, worrying your lower lip. “My friends cancelled last minute. I wasn’t even planning to come tonight and honestly... I’d rather be home. I just don’t wanna risk running into him again.” You lower your head, looking embarrassed.

Iwaizumi can’t think of a single reason why you should be.

Again, he speaks before he thinks.

“I could walk you home if you want.”

“Really?” Your head pops up, mouth dropping open a little in surprise.

“I mean, I was leaving soon anyway. I didn’t want to come tonight either,” Iwaizumi admits. “I could call you a ride if that’s more comfortable. It’s not like you know—” His mouth snaps shut awkwardly. He hasn’t even introduced himself yet. “—Sorry. I’m Iwaizumi.”

You warm at the abashed expression on the handsome alpha’s face, your heart fluttering slightly.

His heart rate picks up in return as you give him your name.

“I don’t mind if you walk me home,” you say shyly. “It’s not far, if you still want to.”

Iwaizumi pulls out his phone and shoots identical messages to each of his friends explaining where he was going and telling them not to stay out too late. He didn’t want to wake up to them stumbling into their shared house drunk and waking him up.

The walk is short, but not awkward. It’s filled with easy chatter, simple questions and revelations that always seem to come up when you meet someone new. You’re easy to talk to, and Iwaizumi is oddly disappointed when you stop and gesture to the apartment complex next to you.

“This is me.”

Iwaizumi blinks. He… doesn’t want to leave. He can’t explain the feeling, this insistent pull towards you, but it would be incredibly inappropriate for him to ask for more of your time this late. Dipping his head, he murmurs a goodbye and starts to turn, but he feels a small hand gripping the waist of his shirt.

He turns in surprise to see you've frozen. You look more than a little lost, as if you aren't sure what came over you. He waits for you to speak.

“C-can I have your number? It was nice meeting you, and I’d like to see you again, if that’s okay?” By the time the words are done tumbling from your lips, your voice has risen to an uncertain squeak.

A little shocked by the turn of events, but gratified nonetheless, the brunet alpha offers you his number, trying to keep his grip on the goofy, pleased smile that he can feel trying to form on his lips.

“You can call me any time.”

For the first time tonight, his eyes slide down to your outfit, only just beginning to appreciate the way the fabric of your skirt shows off your legs, resting tastefully at mid-thigh. Not a skirt, Iwaizumi realizes, but a cinched dress, hugging each line and curve of your body, modestly covered by a half-jacket. The warm scent of chocolate wafts under his nose and he gets a little lost in studying you, something burning hot within him as he imagines what it would be like to peel the fabric from your body, how warm your skin would be against his own.

Iwaizumi blinks.

It takes a moment to realize how close you’ve gotten. Then Iwaizumi feels the heat radiating off your skin, and his eyes flick to your own, staring at him just as intently. He clears his throat softly and steps back, shoving his hands in his pockets. He mutters a quiet goodnight and starts heading home, and nothing short of stupid alpha pride bursts in his chest when he turns his head to see that your eyes are following him. He hopes you don’t wait too long to call.

The house is quiet when Iwaizumi finally makes it back. There’s already a text on his phone from a new number, and he smiles as he sends a quick message in return. It’s only through the sheer force of will that he manages to fall asleep that night, closing his eyes firmly and ignoring the sudden urge to dig through the cabinets for something sweet.

Iwaizumi wakes up sweating. At first, he believes that the air conditioning has been turned off, but when he stumbles into the hallway, he finds it running at a cool twenty-three. He’s nearly vibrating in his skin, wondering what woke him. The digital clock on his nightstand reads 3:17. He fell asleep almost four hours ago, so there’s no reason he should be awake. A sweet scent wafts around him, faint but nonetheless catching Iwaizumi’s full attention. He mindlessly prowls towards his hamper and his fingers close around the tank top he discarded tonight. The warm scent of chocolate assaults him and his knees buckle.

A growl tears at his throat.

He’s growled before and often, a bad alpha trait that his parents did their best to train him out of, with general success when you think about who he had to grow up with. Lord knows he’s had every reason to, between Shittykawa and the meme team duo as friends. But this is different. The faint sweet scent brings with it a feeling beyond fathoming, and an itch, a drive that up until now he’s only heard stories about. It’s powerful, a true force of nature, a howling urge inside him to run to the one fate has decided is his. There’s no doubt in his mind who sparked this feeling as he presses the fabric of his discarded shirt to his nose, inhaling deeply. The scent is already fading and that brings a rush of panic to his system. He needs you.

In his haste to locate his phone, Iwaizumi slams his shin against the corner of his dresser, cursing at the immediate pain that blossoms up the limb as he finds your contact and calls. He’d bet his soul that you’re awake, the primitive energy buzzing beneath his skin too transcendent for him to be feeling it alone.

It feels like an eternity as he stands there, breath caught in his throat. You answer on the fourth ring.

“Iwaizumi.”

“Are you okay?” He spares no pretense; from the single word alone, Iwaizumi knows. Your voice is hoarse, and not just because it's the middle of the night. There’s raw need scratching at your throat, a desperation that his body mirrored the moment he heard your voice.

“I… what is this? Please, it’s so hot.”

Iwaizumi is already throwing clothes on, the phone pinned between his chin and shoulder as he shoves his leg through into a pair of sweats. “You know what this is. I’m—” on my way. He freezes for a moment. Do you even want him to come? Soulmate or no, you have no idea who he is. You… might not want him. “—Do you want me there?”

“Iwaizumi…” Your breath is heavy and panting through the receiver, and then there’s a soft gasp, followed by the faintest moan. When he thinks about why you might be making those sounds... Iwaizumi thinks his blood might be on fire.

“Do. You. Want. Me. There?” He can’t help but bite the words out, can’t help but demand an answer. He has to know now before he loses to the animalistic urges inside him. If you tell him no, a small part of him might go deranged, but he’d do whatever it took. Rut or no rut, he’d have Shittykawa strap him to the bed before he did anything against your wishes.

“Please. Please come.” Fuck. The sound of your voice, so small, pleading. Frantic. “Iwaizumi, I need you.”

“Hajime.” Now Iwaizumi’s voice is hoarse. “You can call me Hajime.”

“Alpha—” There’s a broken moan, followed by a frustrated wail.

Iwaizumi inhales sharply. “Did you just—?

“Please hurry. ‘S hot, hurts without you. Feels wrong.”

He’s already out the door. It’s not until the dawn air raises goosebumps across his skin that Iwaizumi realizes he didn’t even grab a shirt.

“Hajime?”

“I’m still here. I won’t hang up. Just… Pretend it’s me, I’m already on my way.”

“Trying, ‘m trying. God it’s not—” Your voice is driving Iwaizumi insane. Labored, pained. He should be there and you shouldn’t sound like this. He should be holding you, inside you, until there’s nothing left to feel but—

Fuck. Fuck.

Iwaizumi inhales slowly, trying to calm his racing thoughts as he reaches the end of the street. “How many fingers?”

“W-what?”

His voice lowers to deep rumble, “How many fingers are fucking your pussy right now, omega?”

Your answering whine tells him that he has your attention now. “Ahn, t-two.”

"Good girl, add another. Reach as deep as you can and don't stop touching your clit. I wouldn’t do that." Iwaizumi's breath is coming heavy as he just about tears across campus, glad it's still early enough that no one is walking the grounds yet to hear him spewing such filth.

"It's—It's not enough—" Your broken mewling is so miserable that it stops him in his tracks, trying to keep his voice steady so he can console you.

"I know, I know baby, I'm so sorry." The pet name slips from his tongue without really thinking, his feet already carrying him forward again. "I'm coming as fast as I can. I'll be there soon, it'll be okay."

"Hur—ahn—H-hurry."

Fucking hell. Iwaizumi feels the threads of guilt that such a pathetic sound sends a blazing heat down his spine, centering on his groin. He can't help it; hiccuping sobs and moans, paired with the mental image of you desperately thrusting your fingers into your cunt, trying to make up for the weight of the knot you can't provide for yourself—Iwaizumi's canines ache. He doesn't hang up the phone, continuing to talk to you over your sounds of distress as he approaches your apartment complex.

Then he’s inside, hesitating in the doorway of the lobby, and you stutter out your apartment number. Third floor. Desperation prickles within him now that he’s so close so Iwaizumi doesn’t wait for the elevator, bounding up the stairwell, two steps at a time.

He can already smell you, your scent is coating almost the whole floor. He reaches for the handle of your door and growls under his breath. The door is locked, barring him from you.

“Baby girl,” Iwaizumi strains, running a hand through his hair in frustration, “You gotta open the door.”

There’s a small thump on the other end of the line and he calls your name again. You’re slurring into the receiver, nearly sobbing, a loud tremor in your weak voice.

“I can’t. My legs are shaking, alpha please—Hajime.”

Damn it. Iwaizumi inhales then puffs out a breath of air, trying to psyche himself up. His mate needs him. “Fuck, okay. Okay. Listen, I will fix and pay for everything, promise.”

“Fix…? Hajime, what are you—”

Iwaizumi feels bad but he hangs up, slinging his phone into his pocket. Taking a deep breath, he pulls one leg back and aims a heavy kick on the door, close to the doorknob. The wood crunches, the latch protesting under the assault, but the door doesn’t open. Praying to the gods that the neighbors are heavy sleepers, Iwaizumi does it again, and again, and again, until the door crashes open, the metal doorknob broken and dangling from the splintered doorway.

Wincing apologetically at the obvious damage, Iwaizumi pushes inside and attempts to close the door, before giving up and dragging the small table in the entry to keep it from swinging open again. Your scent is so much stronger inside, layered upon itself from months of domesticity. The alpha in him purrs when he finds that it's your scent alone in the space. The thick cloud of arousal and distress leads him straight to your bedroom like he’s hooked by an iron tether.

His plan on the way here was to help you, to comfort you and hold you, to give you what pleasure he could without actually fucking you—just to be what you needed until your heat was over. He wanted to keep the alpha in him under lock and key. He knows heats can make omegas forget the real world, how desperate a heat can make them. Even if he’s destined to be your mate, he wanted to be sure you didn’t feel forced, by him or nature. But the sight that awaits him causes his mind to go entirely blank.

“Please, nngh—Alpha, I—I need you. I can’t anymore, hurts so bad please.”

You’d tried to leave the bed when he called to be let in, tumbled to your bedroom floor tangled between blankets and soft-looking sweaters in what looks like an attempt at nesting. There’s a throw blanket curled around your waist, a comforter under your head, but your lower half is in plain view, braced on your knees and bared to him. His imagination on the way over couldn’t compare but you’re just as he imagined you, fingers thrusting frantically in your soaked cunt, whimpering into the blankets around you. As soon as he enters the room, your trembling intensifies as your tear-soaked gaze locks onto his hungry stare. A desperate keen bubbles in your throat as your thighs tense and shake, and in response his low growl rolls like gentle thunder throughout the room as he watches more slick gush down your thighs.

“Little omega,” he rumbles, striding deeper into the room and kneeling beside you. “Did you just cum for your alpha?” There’s no more hesitation. It’s as if the missing piece of his life has clicked into place. His mate is right in front of him, her body calling out to him for the relief and comfort that only he can give. And he is going to give it to you.

You nod up at him, relaxing immediately as his dominating scent covers you more effectively than any blanket. The cinnamon and fire scent breathes strength and reassurance, promising to take care of you. You purr thickly as his hands smooth over your thighs, thumbs pulling your sticky folds apart. His lips are soft as he places a kiss on your hip, his breath hot, the faintest graze of his canines against your skin drawing an almost violent shudder from your body in response. If you were desperate before, you’re not sure there is even a word for what you feel now.

An all-consuming fire blazes beneath your skin that cries for him to be burned away with you. You arch impossibly deeper, instincts demanding you present yourself to him. “All for you, alpha,” you moan. ‘’M all yours, please take me. Can’t wait anymore.”

Your squeal rings in his ears as he scoops you off the floor and bundles you back into the bed, muscles flexing as he settles between your thighs. One hand curls around your neck to pull you closer as he kisses you possessively. It’s all teeth and tongue, fire and passion, spelling out his wavering restraint and burning hunger for you. You can feel his cock against your folds already, his sweats pulled low around his hips in his haste, grinding against you. The heat and impressive weight of it draws a needy whimper from deep in your throat, legs closing tight around his muscular hips to get even closer.

He nips your lower lip sharply, immediately soothing it with his tongue. Iwaizumi is panting as heavily as you, a thin ring of olive green nearly swallowed by black as his eyes gleam down on you.

“Last chance,” he rasps, his fingers fisting the sheets next to your head as your slick heat against his aching length slices at the threads of his sanity. His jaw brushes against your cheek, unconsciously seeking comfort, and then his lips press to your throat just once, the ache in his canines spiking at the proximity to your mating gland. His voice breaks under the intensity of this feeling. “I won’t—be able to stop once I… So tell me now.” Even if he stops now, Iwaizumi knows he’ll never be the same man he was before. His world has narrowed down to this room, to the beautiful omega in his arms. His omega, his mate. He trembles, breathlessly waiting for your answer, your permission.

“Hajime,” you sigh against his lips, soft like a prayer, before tugging his lower lip between your teeth sharply. Iwaizumi groans at the feeling, rutting against you as he takes in the carnal desire and beatific acceptance glowing like embers in your eyes. You don’t speak again but Hajime understands. There aren’t enough words in the world to convey this desire.

His eyes darken and he lets go.

Your back arches wildly, nails tearing sharp lines down his back as he shifts his hips and sheathes himself in your cunt. If they weren’t awake before, your neighbors most surely are now, your pleasured howl echoing in the air of your bedroom as your plush walls part to welcome all of him.

He can’t think, fuck, he can’t think. It has never felt like this. You’re so hot, squeezing him so tightly, and for a barest of moments, despite your mewling, Iwaizumi fears you’re in pain. But then your hands tangle in his hair, dragging his face down to yours. Your omega body was meant for this, meant to take your alpha just as he is meant to please you.

One syllable splits your shared breath, caressing his lips, and he can’t hold on any longer.

“Move,” you beg breathlessly.

Iwaizumi groans and draws his hips back to snap them into you again, surging forward and capturing your lips into a blistering kiss. He swallows your every moan as one calloused hand slides down to grope at the thigh curled around his waist. His balls are heavy, slapping against your ass with every thrust, his pelvic bone grinding against your clit. You’re clenching and fluttering around him, forcing low growls from his chest at the feeling. Your body is begging for him just as loudly as you are.

“Hah, ah, ahn, alpha!” Your head tosses back as one of his thrusts has his cock pressing deep, nearly bottoming out inside you. “So full—Hajime—feels so good.” The last syllable breaks as you keen, lips falling open as your pussy clamps down hard.

“Fuck—” Iwaizumi hisses as he feels his knot beginning to swell, and he can tell you feel it as well, your nails digging into his back again. He barely feels the sting; if anything, it adds to the primal fire burning between you. “You going to cum for me, pretty omega? You want my knot? You want me to fill you up?”

“Yes! Want you, want you! Please!”

Iwaizumi doesn’t miss the way your glazed eyes hold his, how you intentionally bare your throat to him.

You’re asking him to… oh, fuck. He can’t. He can’t. But the thought of claiming you, digging his teeth into your mating gland and finalizing his claim has the animal within him howling to comply with your demand. The coil in his gut winds tight and his hips jerk out of rhythm as his orgasm looms.

Claim.

Iwaizumi whines as his orgasm sears through his body, his knot forcing past your entrance and swelling just a bit more, locking you together. His teeth bury down, and he can feel your walls constrict as he pumps you full of cum, hear you wail as your slick gushes around his length, following into carnal bliss.

He feels as if he’s floating, chest heaving as he blearily comes down from his orgasm. The scent of your distress jolts his senses, and he quickly removes his teeth from your pillow. He’d barely stopped himself.

“Alpha,” you sob, writhing beneath him. “Why?”

“Baby, baby girl,” Iwaizumi hushes softly, wincing as your movements tug down below. His knot hasn’t gone down enough to separate yet. Tears streak your face, and his heart almost snaps at the anguish dulling your eyes. “It’s okay, it’s going to be okay.”

“You don’t want me.”

“Of course I do.” This is what he was afraid would happen when he refused to bite. Heats heavily fuck with hormones, with emotions. Pleasure made you ride high, only to come down feeling crushed and rejected by his refusal. His provisional instincts are lighting up, giving him much needed clarity as you continue to whimper and sniffle below him, no longer meeting his eyes.

“Am I not good enough?”

Damn it.

“Omega.”

You stiffen at the title, a fresh whimper catching in your throat at his sudden commanding aura. His pheromones wash over you, coaxing you to relax. More tears well in your eyes as he cradles your chin, turning your head so you look him in the eye. You try to blink them away.

“You are perfect, and I will never want another the way I want you,” Iwaizumi murmurs, voice still a little ragged. “But I don’t want to start this between us and have it turn out to be something you weren’t ready for. Heats heighten everything, ruts too. We can’t be sure this is what you want. Bite or no bite, I am your mate. I’m not going anywhere, and I won’t leave unless you ask me to. After we get to know each other, and we’re both sober—” This gets a watery giggle from you, and the sound melts Iwaizumi’s heart. He purrs gently, “and you want it, then I will make you mine.”

Your body sags beneath him, relaxing fully under his weight. A low moan spills from your lips, a deep grunt from his own as his knot softens, enough to allow him to pull his still hard cock from your dripping cunt. He grabs your hips and flips onto his back, settling you over him. Iwaizumi winces and hisses softly as the scratches on his back burn a little upon making contact with the sheets, but he ignores it in favor of meeting your eyes steadily. There are very few lucid moments in the middle of a heat, and he wants to enjoy them as much as possible.

“Did you really break down my door?” You ask curiously, tilting your head.

A startled huff of a laugh shakes Iwaizumi’s body, his cheeks burning in shame. “Sorry, heat of the moment. I’ll fix it as soon as I can.”

“It can wait,” you purr, shifting your hips over his erection.

Oh. His eyes darken, cock twitching at your sultry tone. Electricity sparks up his spine as Iwaizumi practically watches the lust drip back into your expression.

"Everything can wait."

[effervescent-hoe]

fanfic writer asks?! 🌞, 💔, and of course ✨ :)

Thanks for the ask! :3

🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?

Honestly, not really? Time doesn't exist in any meaningful way most of the time so it's just... whenever?

💔 Is there a fic of yours that broke your heart?

This is an interesting question! I don't write tragic things for the most part. I think the most heartbreaking thing I've written is the backstory for Izzy(Bella) in my upcoming queer hs au, and that's based largely on my own childhood, so I'm not sure if that counts. I like for things to get better over the course of my fics, and my writing is super self indulgent, so i'm not the type of person to write things that break my heart haha

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

I don't know if I can top the compliment @supermassivebutthole gave me when they said I was good at writing queer catharsis. That's probably my favorite thing anyone has said about my writing ever. However, I like to think that I'm good at crafting intense moments. The changing scene in The Essence of You is one of my favorite scenes, along with the last cliffhanger in the rewrite (I'm sorry guys). I'm really fond of vivid imagery, and really trying to capture the essence of a moment. I want to be able to distill an experience down into something potent and unforgettable and I try pretty hard to achieve that.

I also think I'm really good at writing smut, and the smut chapter in The Essence of You is, imo, perfect. Like, I wouldn't change anything, and that's super rare to feel when I reread my writing.

This was fun! Thanks for the ask :3

[tiktaalic]

pls start nancy won posting i would love to see it!!

nancy time! i love ms won she only wrote three episodes (apparently she quit to go work with jeremy carver who she’d worked with before! #win) but there’s not a bad one between them. i don’t have any particularly strong feelings on thin lizzie but i DO have strong feelings about chitters and don’t you forget about me (dyfam). fitting that the abbreviation is almost d-i-y family!

so. chitters: i know people talk about jesse and cesar off on and but she really wrote jesse and cesar!!! i’ve made a joke or two about the it chpt 2 similarities (brother is murdered by a monster and 27 years later gay kid comes back to stop it for good while still ill at ease in this town that wanted him gone) but. they’re so potent! it chpt 2 was not a GOOD movie but when it meandered around to showing you glimpses of its heart it did get to me! and chitters opened by saying here’s the heart, here’s the throughline, please look at it. and it’s just such a human scene. most of the time motw victims aren’t real characters, they’re just victims with pieces substituted in and out as needed (college student, widow, the other woman, hiding a Dark Secret). because they don’t need to be characters, they need to be plot devices. but jesse’s a character! the opening scene feels so well lived in, and it has a certain kind of earnestness to it. jesse doesn’t feel like a character who has been pasted over the plaster mold of Victim, he feels like a person. and he feels like a person when he grows up, too. you don’t see what any of the aftermath was like for him, but you see how he reacts to being there, and you KNOW what the aftermath was, that he’s been carrying that with him the whole time. you know that his brother swore to protect him in a Town Like That, and that he stayed in the Town Like That for awhile with no brother around to intervene. most motw give you emotional gaps to fill in for the victims, but imo chitters is one of the only ones where i WANT to based on the groundwork that’s been laid for me. thank you nancy

don’t you forget about me: AUUUUUGH. this episode does such important character building for the Jody Mills Family Unit. everybody raise a glass for my best friend, awkward family dinner where alex gets the safe sex speech. it’s another one of those things where the episode feels lived in! the characters act like people! they’re not cartoonishly flat. they’re a teenage student who’s flailing about in a high school way about how to act with her high school boyfriend. they’re a teenage student who learned how to see shadows and now can’t stop. they’re a woman who is trying to raise two antagonistic teenage girls who has to worry about getting them dinner and dealing with the ptsd they wear on their sleeve and what to do when they start dating. this is such a good claire episode, and i think that’s inextricable from how it’s such a good alex episode, which is inextricable from how nancy won seems to have a potent knack for making characters fleshed out and dynamic and so so easy for the audience to care for.

[thequibblah]

4, 18, 28, & 32

XXXXX

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

"euphoria" i stand by this basic choice and have stood by it since come together chapter 4

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end.

Lily worried, for a moment, that she was crying. She patted a cheek nervously. But, nothing. The wind drowned out all sound. She was intimidatingly high. She was starting to sweat beneath her coat. Jump, said a voice in her head. She'd leapt from higher heights, as a child. She could do it. Two separate visions appeared before her: herself, trying to jump and winding up tangled in the swing, crashing to the ground. Herself, flying easily from the swing and soaring away into the clouds.

so! this passage is from chapter 22 of come together, and i won't get into the context because those who know know, and those who don't don't want to be spoiled lollll. but this chapter got longer each time i revised it, and this was one of the last bits i added.

there actually wasn't going to be a goodbye moment here or if there had been, it would've been inside the house instead of at the playground...but then i went on vacation and swung on a swing and my soul transcended this mortal plane. really, like, if you've never sat on a swing as an adult i could not recommend it more.

anyway, as soon as i sat on that swing i could immediately envision it in my mind's eye and i realised lily absolutely HAD to swing on a swing. i was ahead on chapters and had banned myself from writing while on vacation, and i was actively afraid i'd forget the feeling of swinging by the time i sat down to write this scene. but i held to my goal and waited LOL and when i got back home i just blasted phoebe bridgers and powered through it.

i think aside from the smallest tweaking of turns of phrase it pretty much turned out in its final form. i almost feel like that bit wrote itself!

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?

maybe i'm flattering myself, but i find quite a lot of my characters delightful 😂even if they are pains! i think humorous dialogue would sneak its way into anything i wrote, and that automatically endears me to my own characters. but you already know of Author Favourites david townes and sara shafiq, and to pick a dark horse, TTFS!james was especially delightful imo, probably because i tweaked his backstory which made him less of a douche than young canon james lmfaooo

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

well, she was dramatic, he was

no i'm just kidding JHAJHAJSHJA. if i had to pick a line that will haunt me for all fucking time, it has to be this one from "your best american girl" by mitski: your mother wouldn't approve of how my mother raised me / but i do, i think i do. just, the whole song is such a potent summation of immigrant daughter yearning and it hits like a gut punch. (a close second is the whole second verse, you're the sun, you've never seen the moon / but you hear its song from the morning birds / well, i'm not the moon, i'm not even a star / but awake at night i'll be singing to the birds)

thank you! so very much! for the ask <3

drop me a number from this!

[sandraharissa]

Even tho ‘Nina makes Crowley realise he’s in love’ has become quite a popular interpretation I’m still sticking with my previous interpretation of ‘Crowley knew the whole time, likely since the Eden wall scene’. It’s bcos this twist on their relationship does nothing for me and all I see from other ppl who liked it is ‘Oh Crowley’s such a dum-dum, of course he’d just do all those things but remain oblivious, he’s so silly’.

Now I’m not mad at anybody specifically for having a different interpretation but I wanna share my own thoughts about the interpretation itself, and by ‘share my thoughts’ I mean bitch about it.

In s1 so much of Crowley’s behavior is so intentional, he’s the one always pushing for them to have more interactions, he was the one who suggested the arrangement, he’s always inserting himself in Azi’s life, he’s the one insisting they are on their own side, he’s suggesting running off to Alfa-Centauri, he’d do anything like postpone Satan and any other of Azi’s whims just for him, he’s the one who at the end when they’re waiting on the bus appeals to Azi again trying to reinforce that they’re together on the same side, but probs the most obvious example of all the ‘you go to fast for me’ scene. There’s so much potent drama and tragedy there for Crowley if he’s pursuing Azi the whole time, how else would you even call what he’s doing in s1?

“Well, can I drop you anywhere?”

“No, thank you. Oh, don’t look so disappointed. Perhaps one day we could… I don’t know. Go for a picnic. Dine at the Ritz.”

“I’ll give you a lift. Anywhere you want to go.”

“You go too fast for me, Crowley.”

So when I watched this exchange the first time and assumed it has a deeper meaning cos they’re both talking in code and using the car as a metaphor for being ready to take their relationship to the next level I wasn’t right and the scene isn’t really that deep or romantic cos Crowley was really just suggesting spending more time together that evening like always and had no deeper desire or meaning to convey and also completely missed the meaning of Azi’s words?

For the love of God he walked into a church burning his feet for Azi’s sake in this grand sweet gesture just completely unaware of why he’s actually doing it? Doesn’t it take away so much depth and agency and meaning from that interaction? If it’s not intended by Crowley as a grand sweet gesture cos ‘he’s the love of my life, I’d do anything for him’ but as far as Crowley’s aware he’s doing it just because?

I think that’s why I dislike it so much, it exchanges the imo super compelling drama and a tragic angle to Crowley’s character with ‘oh it’s just so typical of them to be so smart yet stupid ha ha’. Like honestly, yeah sure, I get it, it fits the Pratchett-esque type humor, it IS in character for them to be dum-dums but it’s kinda disappointing imo if this comedic aspect of their characterization was taken so far as to be used as an explanation for really serious aspects of the development of their quite tragic relationship.

I think part of this is also this paradox of how having inhuman characters in stories doesn’t mean anything cos fundamentally they still need to behave human in order to be relatable to the audience and not come off as flat and simplified versions of ‘human’, what ppl often think of as poorly written characters. And oftentimes attempts to create ‘otherworldly’ characters that are still compelling simply result in cishet writers making all their robots/aliens/angels aro/ace/trans, so creating completely human characters with human experiences. I think there’s a limit to how far you can take a character who’s lived with humans for 6k years and presumably loves them and say that he wholly misunderstands the most basic and important aspect of humanity like ‘feeling love’ before the character becomes ‘silly’ beyond understandable or relatable.

Azi being clever yet stupid cos his internal character conflict results in him not knowing how to reconcile his relationship with heaven to his relationship with Crowley? Fantastic. An extremely human experience of dealing with an abusive family too, and not at all anything truly celestial/alien.

Crowley knowing Jane Austen personally from a heist but missing the fact that she wrote novels and their cultural relevance, a la grandpa who lives under a rock? Or him organizing a heist to *looks at notes* steal holy water, a la demon who doesn’t know how christianity works and that he could get it for free by asking? Hilarious. Crowley having character quirks like his thing with ducks? Great.

Crowley spends 6k years consistently and vigorously pursuing one person (one!!!) and performing grand romantic gestures but sike, it was unintentional cos he’s so removed from the human experience and emotions that he’s got no self-awareness? Meh.

It’d be another thing if the whole time Crowley was shameful and in denial of his feelings and behaved like Azi e.g. “we’re not friends and I don’t even like you”, with him I totally agree that he must have realized recently and has still not processed it and his family trauma, but the intent and purpose and intensity with which Crowley pursues a relationship, even just a friendship, with Azi in s1 really makes it unbelievable to me that he’d do it completely unaware. During the talk with Nina he may have realized that his relationship with Azi is comparable to the human romance and opened his eyes to the possibility of e.g. kissing and realized he needs to make a move and stop dancing around the topic but I completely reject the idea that he didn’t know he loved Azi.

Warning. Bitterness incoming: Currently waiting for s3 to inspire an interpretation that *that scene from s3* is when Azi realizes he’s in love, cos he hasn’t done so in 1941, s1 and s2, and during the kiss scene apparently.

[typinggently]

I suppose the most important question is how feral, on a scale of one to buckwild feral, would Bruce go if Clark DID have a tentacle dick or some other. Alien anatomy. Because I feel like the range would be incredibly high and extremely filthy.

Anon I’m so glad you asked because I’ve been thinking about this for weeks now

I even had a post in my drafts that your post reminded me of it even though it’s super tame in comparison to what this answer here is going to be.

-

Firstly, to answer your question: He’d lose it.

Now, for a more in-depth approach:

Feral Bruce and his Alien Boyfriend

-

Warning, and I cannot stress this enough: Alien cocks to be discussed below. Also just. Nastiness.

-

I have to start by once again saying that Bruce is a freak. He already owns Alien Dildos before he even meets Clark. So when sweet sunshine Clark shyly hints that he has some anatomical differences to humans, Bruce, who fucked himself with the ribbed Purple Star Destroyer XXL glow in the dark limited edition just this morning, gives him a blank stare, mentally hyperventilating.

Now, the thing is: Imo, Clark fucks. Blame it on the bathtub scene in BvS (shameful confession: I…actually didn’t see BvS bc I am really bad at remembering to watch films but I know it happens and I’m thankful), but I think “regular” Clark gets a fair share. He’s no Brucie, but he enjoys human interaction, i.e. cute little dates where he shows them the farm and then playfully fucks them in the barn. It’s been mentioned, we know what’s up. But I do think alien anatomy!Clark would be a tad shy about the “issue”. We can either go with the narrative that he’s never trusted anyone enough to reveal that part of himself (cute, romantic) and instead just really likes to give head, all “No, no, it’s fine, I just want to make you feel good”, wet chin, glassy-eyed and flushed, turned on to the point of shaking but holding back (hot).

Or maybe he had penetrative sex with one (1) other person, which was also very sweet and fumbling and cutesy-romantic.

-

Either way. Either way, none of that compares to the way Bruce just silently vibrates with his “wow ok finally that’s great news I can’t wait to get railed hard by your alien cock(s)” energy. Like. That’s  e n t h u s i a s m.

But! BUT! Clark doesn’t really know that yet. Because Bruce, A Bat of Science, goes “Interesting, fascinating, I would very much like a sample of your reproductive fluids to run some tests if that’s alright.”

So Clark, who respects science, goes “oh yes sure of course I can do that”

(Intermezzo: Does he take the little cup and goes to jerk off somewhere in private or does Bruce help?? The self-control it would take to come face-to-face with the object of desire (alien cock) and not take action would be immense. But also if he doesn’t, Clark might think Bruce is purely scientific in his interest so what is to follow will be extra nice and surprising)

(To be extra nasty: Bruce has SUCH a hard time with that sample because !! oh wow!! Clark’s come in a fancy little cup! The urge to guzzle it down…very prominent.)

A few days later, Clark gets a call from Bruce all “Test are done and you need to come over right now”. Worrying. So he drops whatever he’s doing and comes over. And oh boy. Clark has never, never seen Bruce in such a state of ferity. Wild eyes, flushed cheeks, practically vibrating. So he’s all “Oh boy oh golly am I poisonous what’s going on” but Bruce is in his space before he can even properly finish that. Between the tongue in his mouth and the hand in his hair and the other hand under his shirt, Clark manages to ask what the heck’s going on, and Bruce is all “Your sperm is perfectly safe for consumption. Come on, I need it.” Tearing at Clark’s shirt, one hand already between Clark’s thighs, greedily feeling him up through the thick material of his jeans. That’s  e n t h u s i a s m.

-

NOW!!! What does Clark’s alien cock look like???

Tentacles are like. Classy. I wish I could name my favoruite but..I FORGOT the TITLE and it’s super frustrating and I’m super sorry. Still. Tentacles can be very nice.

What I came up with at some point was this: forked. That is to say. Two cocks. Ribbed, with the ribs (..?) pulsing when Clark is in a state of great arousal. Slightly warmer to the touch than one would anticipate.

Also: “Showers of Blessing” by FabulaRasa tackles the idea of like. Massive amounts of come. It’s super nsfw and it’s really nice. Maybe we’re not thinking quite THIS much. But. A lot of come.(I can’t link it without risking that the entire post gets swallowed up, even though I’m not sure I would want anyone to find this tbh tbh tbh)

-

So if we go with the “I had sex with someone very dear to me once” thing, they 100% only “used” one of the available options for penetration. If it’s tentacles, I doubt penetration actually happened. (Flushed, touch-starved Clark overwhelmed that someone is touching him at all, helplessly bucking into the hand of his puppy love with his love-drunk tentacles all wiggly and thrilled to be touched… nice.)

What I’m getting at is that Clark is just not prepared for someone to go “Ok I’m going to take all of this in one go actually”

Bruce is an all-or-nothing, straight into the deep end type of guy to begin with. But lust-drunk Bruce? He’s a mess. He’s got the determination to stroke and suck on whatever he can get his mouth and hands on. Clark is a little worried that he’ll unhinge his jaw in his enthusiasm. Not that Clark has much capacity for worry left when he has the visuals of Bruce between his legs, flushed and messy, drooling all over himself as he attempts to shove two cocks down his throat.

As established, alien anatomy!Clark hasn’t had that many sexual encounters and certainly never one that actually fulfilled all of his needs. But Clark still has a very potent sex drive. And he’s just now experiencing how good sex actually feels. So -Bruce is not the only one going a little mad.

So when Bruce’s completely blissed out, stuffed to the brim with alien cock, Clark loses it a little, too, and fucks him to pieces. He still has some grasp on his strength, of course, but it’s slipping ever so slightly. Overwhelmed as he is, he jackhammers Bruce into the bed, possibly breaking it in the process. Absolutely overwhelmed with the soft heat of Bruce, with his hitched little moans and his flushed-dripping cock.

The orgasms are intense. Petit Mort is the right word. Clark’s panting. He’s sweating. Bruce, meanwhile, is a complete, blissed out mess, overstimulated and boneless, sucking bruises into Clark’s neck lazily while he waits for the high to pass. Truly sated.

-

Very compatible. Absolute messes.

-

End notes: Uh? I hope this somewhat answers your question. I feel like I escalated a little. Thank you so much for joining me on that trip to filth town ;^; (I wrote this in 1.5 hours instead of doing uni work…)

[laufire]

@thepawnhits​ asked: I was wondering if you could go into further detail about your comment under the murphystartedthefire about murphy stans who hate emori?

(I hope you don’t mind that I answered over here; it’s just that this post got long enough to merit a read more and I’ve seen tumblr mess up with those in ask posts as of late smh ¬¬)

I know this might come across in ways I don’t intend to-- I’m not here to tell anyone how they define their fan experience; this is specifically about how I see the fandom spectrum. If someone wants to call themselves a Murphy stan and hate on Emori I’ll simply assume we have a different definition of the term and that they have remarkably bad taste xD and move on.

On that vein: according to my vision of what a stan is, I would never see someone that hates Emori as a Murphy stan.

There are wildly different ways to love a character, and stanning is only one of them, and the rarest one at that, IMO. Sometimes we think we love a character (or like them, or have “come around” to them), to discover later that it wasn’t so. I know it’s happened to me a few times (and I take pride in knowing myself quite well, overall, lol), that looking back I ended up thinking, well --in hindsight, I didn’t love them that much. For example, I would’ve count Daenerys as one of my favourites in the ASOIAF books, maybe even number one at some points, and I did like her on the show whenever I tuned in (not that often). However, I’m not enraged about her ending, and in fact I appreciate quite a lot of what the GOT finale did. Because though I like Daenerys, I was willing to trade her for other characters and other developments that mattered more to me when it counted --at the very end. Because I liked Daenerys, maybe loved her even, but I did not stan Daenerys (that I reserved for Cersei lmao).

Stanning, to me, is something quite unique and nebulous to define, but it more or less comes down to this: you nterpret the story through that character, other characters & how they affect them included (you will ship different ships if you stan a character vs. if you merely like them, IMO); they’re your number one priority to the point you’d “betray” your loyalties to other characters you like (if you’re capable to even like them in the first place, if they’re in the way of your fave. I happen to be, which creates a lot of conflict in my fannish life until the endgame comes and all bets are off lmao, but not everyone is and they probably have an easier time of it xD); and you want them to have the BEST, richest storyline, to get everything they say they want and more (and the keyword here is “say”, because if you stan a character you will take what they say at face value; you won’t doubt their POV, you won’t think they’re ~misguided and need to be “taught a lesson”, that they need to fundamentally change who they are at their core. You’d love them as they are because stanning is a fucking ridiculous state of being), even when it looks like it’s way beyond their reach.

Stanning is also very self-centered of us fans. All fannish love is, I guess. We don’t love characters the way we love people (not the ones we love genuinely, beyond ourselves, at least). It goes through a filter of what WE think and want too, because characters aren’t real people and their well-being only matters in-so-far as we’ve latched onto them. Fannish love is different from person to person, but one thing that’s true for my type of stanning is that “happiness”, as in the character being easily “content” matters a lot less to me than them winning. So whether or not a most interesting ship from them happens to bring them heartbreak once in a while... so what, as long as it brings real, tangible benefits to their storyline? With second-rate characters I like I might say “oh, that ship is nice, it makes them happy, it’s convenient for them”, etc. With my OTPs and my faves that’s not even in my radar. I want victory, not contentment, ffs.

Another thing it’s important to take into account and that I rarely if ever see fandom mentioning is that where a character is positioned in the narrative conditions how you love them. It’s not the same to start out the show with Clarke as your number one fave (even if boy, did she took a few hits in the meantime), or even Octavia and Bellamy (... same with him), than if you latch onto Raven, Murphy, etc. They weren’t quite at the bottom of the barrel, there were always characters way below them, but they were positioned explicitly below other characters in their introductions.

Fans adjust their expectations when they love secondary characters like that, whether they’re able to admit it or even realize it. We expect them to get less than the leads, because that’s how hierarchies work. Most of the time we’re right, but sometimes there are ~shakeups, and The 100 is one of those times, IMO. Because of that, Murphy got a lot more of what would’ve been expected in s1. Faced with that, fans need to reajust, but some can’t. Depending on how risk-averse they are, they might fear that their fave is getting something that’s not their “due” according to the initial structure, and that means they’ll be “punished” for it and have it, at the very least, taken away. The bigger they are, the harder the fall, etc. Personally I happen to like the risk --no risk, no reward--, and this ~timid way of loving your number one doesn’t align with my view of stanning characters at all *shrug*. Like, what the fuck is the point if you’re gonna settle for mediocrity xD

Now, wrt Memori specifically.

I have alluded to this in several post in the past; here I talk a little bit about Memori as a narrative that uplifts Murphy, for example. That, to me, it’s the gist of it. Memori is AMAZING for Murphy’s storyline. AMAZING. It’s THE romance of the show, period. It does wonders for his character, it’s made him The Romantic Hero (which is the most flattering way a male character can ever come across IMO), it’s made him pull outstanding stunts. Memori brings the most of Murphy, and as someone that loves Murphy, I love Memori for it (among other many reasons, like the fact that it’s very much My Type of ship).

Somehow people claim that because she was “mean” (...) to him in s5 that’s a bad relationship for him and... lmfao. EVEN if I thought they said that in good faith (ha!); EVEN if I agreed with them in their reading of the ship (ha!)... MEMORI IS NOT A REAL RELATIONSHIP.

MEMORI IS A FICTIONAL PAIRING. I don’t give a fuck about “healthy”, and I don’t see the vast majority of fans do either; not when push comes to shove, not about the ships that truly matter to them, their OTPs, and not just their ~casual pairings. I don’t want Memori to be a conflict-free storyline, because I think it would be an objectively worse ship if it was. Sometimes the conflict will be Memori vs. the world. Sometimes it’ll be Emori vs. Murphy. I think both have merit and both had done a lot of good for the ship.

So then, I question: why would people who love Murphy (or claim to, or genuinely think they do but), hate on Emori and think she’s the worst thing that’s happen to him, in the face of the overwhelming proof of the contrary?

One option is that, like I say, they find Memori to risky, to beyond Murphy as he was introduced in s1 (this fandom is even more stuck in s1 mentality than most I’ve encountered, and that’s saying something). It could be, though I haven’t seen clear examples of it.

What I have seen are examples of people that, for a variety of reasons, aren’t being quite truthful about their priorities, tbh. This will sound presumptous on my part but I can’t bring myself to care because I’m quite tired of this fandom; it’s repetitive af, even if I weren’t to take into account that I have been in several fandoms, even if often as a mere lurker, and I’ve seen all of this before, over and over again. I’m TIRED people xD

I’ll be blunt: this attitude, comes from CLARKE’s stans, not Murphy’s. People whose priority is Clarke, and that think she should be centered in the show (usually with Bellamy/Clarke as the ship they use to channel it --the ones that go for Lexa don’t seem as keen on invading Emori and Memori’s tags but they might be out there too). Potentially I could see it from Bellamy stans too (though frankly, on the vein of this post, my definition of a stan wouldn’t ship Bellamy with Clarke lol); so far Memori and Bellamy aligned quite well in canon, but all the s7 could change that and turn into resentment.

Because that’s what I think it is in a lot of cases: resentment. Resentment that Murphy and Emori get a Romance, capital letters, while their own ship is... well. While their ship isn’t. I’ve seen this happen in other fandoms and that’s all there is: petty jealousy. Why can’t my fave enjoy this?? Which, btw, is a sentiment I can sympathy with? It’s the way they try to pass it for something more that annoys me LOL.

And tbh I think that’s what a lot of Murven “shipping” comes from (and even that short moment of Murphy/Echo shipping I remember from s5 lol): it’s not genuine, passionate shipping; it’s convenience shipping that doesn’t own up to it. Now, I think there are Murven shippers out there that are passionate about it; I myself like it a little, even if only in a fanon context (and preferably in a thruple lol), but a.) I’ve happened to see those more often than not multiship Memori too either way, and b.) you can tell a lot of those shippers aren’t genuine by their reactions to the Murven scene in late s6 IMO: they HATED it, not because of the admittedly cringy dialogue lol, but because they were there for each other in a way that didn’t account for Clarke. That scene, which by all accounts should’ve been shipping fodder, was derided and hated on, because to a lot of Clarke stans the ship is just a way to get Murphy into a less potent ship, with the added benefit of keeping those women they feel threatened by away from Bellamy. Win-win.

This is a tangent, but hell, if anything I think having getting canonically paired with Raven would’ve been potentially terrible for Murphy’s narrative. Remember when I say stans take their fave at their word? It’s similar for writers: when writers truly respect a character, they take them at their word. In male characters especially, there’s one way this manifests, and it’s in their romantic storylines: the lead guy (or any guy with real narrative capital) loves One Girl, and One Girl only (if he hesitates between more he’s a no good wishy-washy and weak-willed jerk and the writers can even come to dislike him for it). There’s no version of his story that can look truly victorious if she doesn’t love him back and they don’t get their endgame, period. So when writers “stan” that character, in the particular way writers do, they give him just that: Peak Romance.

If the writers had pulled from Memori to write him with Raven, two things could’ve happen: either it’d happen humiliating Raven for Emori, or the other way around (yes, as fandom we can imagine other scenarios. In actual canon F/M/F triangles almost invariably go like that, sadly). If it’d happened before s6, I would’ve said Emori getting the short end of the stick was a more likely option, though now I’m not so sure. Either way, both scenarios would make Murphy Look Bad for hurting a girl’s feelings (yes, Murphy has killed people. But like I’ve said, Romantic Hero is what looks best and you CAN’T be a romantic hero if you seriously spurn a girl, even if it’s not your #1 girl. Writers are ridiculous but this pattern holds over and over smh). It would’ve been even WORSE if said girl was Emori, because it means the writers no longer respected Murphy’s POV and his priorities. It would change the core of Murphy’s character because Memori was written into his DNA, no turn backs, the way Bellamy as Octavia’s Big Brother was on his, for example.

Aaaaaanyway. I hope this has shined some light on what I meant lol. But I guess it can be summarized with: in terms of pure narrative, Emori has been consistently great for Murphy’s character. Why would you hate her if you love him, in the way a stan loves?

[esta-metamorfose-ambulante]

Pros and cons of Jane The Virgin over the seasons (in no particular order)

Pros:

An amazingly talented cast.

Overall positive latino representation.

Distinct and interesting characters.

Plot twists that kept the story entertaining.

The Villanuevas bond.

Focusing on the reactions and the human side of the characters whenever something crazy would happen to them.

I’m personally not a fan of Latin novelas because they usually just throw one plot twist after anoter, but JTV used to do a great job showing its characters’ struggles dealing with those events.

Cons:

The love triangle. On season one it was important to Jane’s arc so she could find confidence in being a single mother before marrying Michael, but continuously resurrecting the Michael/Jane/Rafael and Jane/Rafael/Petra was uninteresting, repetitive and tiring to its viewers.

Its representation of black people. Roman Zazo was a killer, who not only killed his own twin brother, but also made Petra have sex with him when he kidnapped her.

Nadine was another neglected character that ended up being killed.

The poor treatment they give to Luisa, who has made terrible mistakes, but is also a metally ill woman that battles addiction. However, she is merely used as comic relief and described as a ‘trainwreck’. If my memories serve me well, the show has used this specific word regarding her, more than once.

Its unreleastic representation of romantic love. In the beginning, Jane was happily engaged to Michael. Then, they broke up and she fell for Rafael. Later, the two also broke up. Eventually, she got over him only to fall in love with both of them in a couple of episodes and almost immediately after she realized it’s always been Michael. Seriously? I don’t think science has a consensus about how someone falls in love, if you can love two people at once or whether you can fall in love with a previous lover after you were over them and in a happy relationship with someone else, but that’s not even the point. The thing is, you cannot trust its own narrative. It’s become repetitive, confusing and incoherent with its previous statements. You can’t even trust on the heart glowing thing, because that happens whenever the characters feel strong emotions with their loved ones. It happened when Jane was holding Mateo after he was born and when the Villanuevas were celebrating Mother’s Day. The only way to have some certainty is based on how the actors’ performances and their declarations, because imo they are even more responsible for developing their characters than the writers. The writers keep moving in circles and the actors need to try to make the best of it and deliver their lines convincingly, but I believe even for them it must be difficult to buy it. Therefore, I take their acting and declarations more seriously, because they at least keep a line of thinking instead of the writers that just go back and forth.

Rose - who used to be an intriguing character - got reduced to a I don’t even know what. She was/is a huge crime lord, but all that potention was thrown way. The show didn’t explore her criminal life at all, only her relationship with Luisa and multiple disguises. Currently, she is back for a mysterious reason, but after four seasons, I believe it’s safe to say she will be neglected as well and whatever she does will be anticlimactic.

The objetification. I don’t get the obsession they have/had with Rafael’s abs and why they would make Petra sleep with every basic/trash white man they introduced. On season three they focused more on Jane managing to have casual sex with Fabian than her book and dream of being a published author. I get that was important for her, but releasing her book was everything she ever worked for her entire life. Ignoring that was disrespectful.

Losing its essence and becoming like every other telenovela: throwing a twist after another, not exploring its effects on the characters and repeating storylines everyone’s sick of.

Not having the characters dealing with their traumas and metal illness or having almost all of it happening off camera. Luisa struggles with alcoholism and an on and off abusive relationship, Rogelio was kidnapped, Mateo was kidnapped, Petra was kidnapped, Petra forced herself to have sex with the man who kidnapped her so she could find a way get out of her captivity, Petra lived with an abusive mother, Petra was freaking paralyzed by her own sister, Petra had postpartum depression, Michael was shot, almost got killed and then he was tortured with eletroshocks until he got amnesia and lost five years of his life and I’m sure there is more that I’ve missed. Still, what do they focus on? Ridiculous love triangles.

Although Rafael is not my favorite character, he and Petra were the ones that had the most interesting potential backgrounds. Petra grew up without a father in Czechoslovakia, Alba always used her as a tool to get by and she left the country running away from a man who attacked her mother. Even in the United States, there is so much they could’ve shown of her before and after meeting Rafael, getting married, pregnant and losing the baby. On the other hand, Rafael could’ve had a journey of self-discovery and found his biological family and finally getting the love he didn’t receive from his adoptive parents. All wasted pontetial as well.

Changing the entire dynamics of the show in order to execute one storyline. To get to a point where Jane chooses Rafael, they had to: ‘kill’ Michael, do time jumps and have the characters almost ready to be together. Rafael basically became a different character, they got rid of Lina so he would be her best friend and even in some scenes that there would’ve made more sense to have an Alba/Jane moment because they both lost their husbands, they made a jafael moment.

Its frustrating depiction of family. I don’t hide the fact I’m a villadero shipper and would’ve loved to see Michael/Jane/Mateo being a blended family. I know I won’t get that, but the twins barely spend time with Rafael. Or they do, but it’s mostly off camera. And that’s not enough. I don’t need fourty minutes of them together or therapy, but it’s important to show that on television. It’s important to show parents giving their kids equal love and attention, just like it’s important to show mentally ill characters getting help. This speaks to the audience and can even change the way somebody acts. Television is powerful. Still, even if Rafael does give the same amount of attention and love to their children, the show doesn’t illustrate that. And that’s one of the reasons why I think Ellie and Anna are basically perfect. So Mateo is the one who is distracted, sad, confused or whatever. And no, I’m not criticizing a kid. But we see Mateo being comforted by Rafael, having Rafael telling him stories and things like that. We get way less scenes from Rafael and the girls and sometimes it is just him saying he will pick them up or something off camera. And I really can’t remember any moment where they were the ones who were vulnerable and Rafael comforted them. Or just them playing and having fun. Not even with him when Rafael was with Jane and Mateo.

Not even between Mateo and the twins. They love to say they are family and I more than anyone know siblings fight, but siblings also love and protect each other. I can only remember one soft scene with the three of them and it was because that was convenient at the moment. But a scene of them playing just for the sake of it, or maybe even comforting or supporting one other would be adorable. Like, have they ever hug? I get that if Rafael and Jane live together with Mateo they will consenquently spend more time together and that’s not a problem. However, the show just executes the stereotype of only biological families being valid and sends the message it’s okay to neglect your other children if you’re not dating or married to their mother.

It also took them FIVE FUCKING SEASONS to show Jane and Petra being friends and having fun. And again, it was only out of convinience. Jane couldn’t decide what to do regarding her situation with Rafael and Michael and no one could give her advice. So she goes to Petra and they drink their asses off and sort of have fun. And that other day when they went to a lesbian bar. They say they’re friends and even family, but certaintly doesn’t feel like it. Do they care about each other? Yeah. Still, it’s like that cousin who lives in other part of the country and you see once a year. Firstly you’re happy, but after they spend a week in your house you realize why you barely see each other or keep in touch when they’re gone. I get they are very different, but everytime they are together they sort of argue. An honest and deep conversation like some that Jane’s had with Lena? I’m afraid it’s never happened or going to.

Total disrespect to their own character, Brett who was generous enough to return while he is part of another show and his fans. Not only they brought him back to play a minor role, but he didn’t even get the respect to have his point of view shown. The man was almost killed, tortured, lost five years of his life, came back to see that everything had changed and felt like a burden, but they don’t actually focus on what he feels? Just as how sad Rafael is? It’s one thing to show both sides, but to only explore Rafael’s feelings as if he’s the one who had it worse is ridiculous and insensitive.

Rafael’s deppression. Again, I don’t want to get technical about it, specially because that’s not my professional area and I could be wrong. The thing is, I don’t think he has depression. I do think he had a lot of shit happening to him and he used to have unhealthy habits whenever he got upset, but there is a difference between getting drunk when you are sad (what almost everyone has or will do once in their lifetime) and having depression. Feeling sad, worthless, suicidal all can be symptons, yes. But there is also not getting any sleep, food or eating/sleeping a lot and more. And I don’t think they show up altogether after one event. Rafael’s had a past drinking when he was feeling low, but that was it. No worthless or suicidal thoughts. No insomnia or sleeping too much or anything else. And that wouldn’t last long. Now I am supposed to believe he has depression? Then actually DEVELOP THAT and SHOW IT TO ME (If A Million Little Things can do a decent job, other shows can too). Don’t get me wrong, I think Rafael might have something, but not actually depression. He sure as hell have reasons to. However, It just seems they threw it so we could empathize with him after the way he treated Jane and root for him. And I bet that will be gone in two seconds once him and Jane reunite. Which leads me to...

The way they insinuated his state was Jane’s fault is disgusting. And I’m sure they will forget this depression storyline once jafael makes up. So yeah, they might have not actually said the words, but the route they took is that it’s Jane’s fault and once they back to their relationship he will be magically healed with their love. Yikes.

Also, the whole Michael x family conflict. That is so LOW. My parents are divorced and their separation was really messy. Despite my personal experience, I’ve seen complicated divorces before and ex-spouses using their children against one another. If Jane ended up with Michael, that wouldn’t make her less of a mother or neglect her family by any means. If anything, Mateo would have a step and godfather who would basically do everything to keep him safe and happy. Mateo would have another person who loves him. Sure, Jane’s priority must be her son, but to give the idea a mother needs to lose her independence because of her child is ridiculous. Mothers are allowed to be divorced, single, marry someone else, have their own time with their friends and even have male and ex-lovers as friends. What makes Jane a good mother is the way she treats her son, the love, attention she gives him. NOT being in a relationship with Rafael. Believe me, I’ve seen some people saying this kind of thing.

Now that Jane and Michael got closure, it looks like he will barely be on the show anymore. Which is wrong on so many levels, because first of all, he was her best friend. Real Jane wouldn’t want him out of her life, but apparently that’s what’s going to happen. And again, it sends a terrible message. She should keep being his friend, talking to him and everything, because being in a relationship doesn’t mean you should lose your (male) friends. And they won’t actually say it, but I don’t see Rafael as the guy that would be okay with Jane being best friends with her ex-husband and therefore we won’t see them interact. Just like we didn’t get Michael to see Jane’s family, that he loved and loved him back. And that’s a terrible message to give to young girls, even if you won’t have it said out loud. Showing it is already enough. The fact some of them are buying it frustrates me. 

Also, like, it baffles me the fact Rafael is getting way with all the ultimatums he gave Jane, the fact he showed no empathy when Jane had the scare of thinking she would lose her mother who is fighting CANCER and he kicked her out of their house the very same night. Or that he turned their son against her or did nothing to get him to talk to Jane again until she called him out. She shouldn’t have to call him out. He is a grown man on his late 30s (or early 40s? idek anymore after the time jumps), he should’ve known better. The breaking point was when he didn’t discipline Mateo for running accross the street, something that could’ve KILLED HIM, just because he was mad at Jane. I get Rafael has gone through a lot of shit, but this doesn’t give him a pass to treat people the way he wants to. Everyone on this show has gone through enough and they don’t behave that way. He might have depression, but he knows when he is wrong. And you can actually see on his eyes when he is talking to Jane that he is defying and provoking her. Just terrible.

The fact Jane is choosing him after all of that pisses me off. If he were still zen Rafael and all, I would be frustrated, but not angry. This gives a really dangerous message for anyone who watches it. Abusive relationships start just like that and even though Rafael never raised a hand to her, that is abusive. Rafael is not a bad person, but he has a lot to work on before he could be with anyone else and for me they don’t belong together. Still, he is manipulative and disrespectul with Jane. And I have enough experience with abusive relationships to say that’s how it begins. Then, they have one conversation and sort of a perfect fairytale phase until the next fight. And media romanticizing this kind of relationship is part of the problem.

Last but not least, the fact Jane will have to FIGHT for this after everything turned something that was already bad into something worse. Not only it’s not worth it, but she is supposed to humiliated herself just because she dared to have feelings and be confused when something totally crazy happened to her? Way to go, writers! That’s how you treat you Latin female protagonist and kill your show. The cast deserved way more, but the writers deserves exact rating numbers they are getting.

So to that troll who said Michael fans were racist for dropping it after he died, there are other reasons why we gave up. Those were things that already bothered me, but I still found the show worth it to keep looking foward to the episodes. And after Michael died, I kept watching it, out of respect for its diverse cast and to give it the benefit of the doubt, but I could only do it until the finale of season 3. I just decided not to waste my time anymore because after 10 episodes it didn’t get any better. For many, Michael was vital for the show. 

Besides Jane, he was the one who interacted with most people. He was close to Jane’s family, Rogelio’s best friend, Mateo’s stepfather/godfather and a detective. After he lost his job/’died’, the criminal aspect of the show was basically ignored.

One season one, he wasn’t with Jane, but he was there and things were still intriguing. Once he was gone, the show changed completely. Characters were written off, time had passed and it didn’t feel organic. And there were a lot of other stuff that kept people from watching it again. The fact you want to bring race for something that has nothing to do with (breaking news! Rafael is white too! Just because your boy has some tan and speaks spanish he is not a person of color) is pathetic. That’s not being woke. Bye.

[kaiayame]

post s8 thoughts

the good, the bad, the mixed. 

the good

the marketplace at the garrison in ep 1! i’m a sucker for a marketplace. and allura got to go shopping!!

romelle was back! her hair was cute. 

i think the tone of the first episode was actually a really smart one to start the season on. i’m glad they jumped a few months (or was it a year?) since the end of last season. 

pidge and allura got some good bonding time in general this season. pidge giving up her game for allura was cute. and then when they were together on that planet where the olkari had lived, that was strong. 

pidge being upset about the loss of the olkari, lamenting over “how much more they had to offer us” was solid. i think they spent too much time on it, but the sentiment of mourning all the good that a people could’ve given the universe if they hadn’t been lost was solid. 

omg listen. keith and lance. literally sat together. just the two of them. watching a FREAKING sunset. and keith, in my opinion, basically said the nicest things anyone has ever said about lance to his face, and it felt like a confession of feelings from keith’s end tbh. the writers did that. they know that they did that. and it happened. it was real and so, so soft. i had to stand up in front of the tv while i was watching, clutching a pillow and screaming a bit. 

i think the amount shiro and coran were utilized throughout the story felt balanced. shiro especially has dominated so much of the story over the seasons, and even tho i love him, it felt nice to kind of have him become somewhat less of a focus. 

i think the episode where they got trapped in the ship with the monster was fun! did you see how crazy lance went when keith got stuck in that room with it?? 

the carnival episode!!! I love a good carnival setting :) i like that they all wanted to get something for allura.

the day 47 episode was also cute, imo. I thought it was clever. I loved kinkade! the overall concept could’ve gone really badly but it felt creative enough to me. I wish it had focused more on just the paladins, but still.

all of the MFE pilots actually didn’t annoy me this season, yay. 

veronica and axca had super gay vibes.

keith and axca didn’t happen! *throws confetti*

lance got called a genius by his fellow paladins! and they meant it! 

we got to see them all in their under suits and out of their paladin armor!

that short bit where Hunk made the recovered alteans food from their home world? I think that was actually more powerful and potent than the writers even intended. I thought that was really well handled and not heavy handed and had a lot of weight to it. 

the bit before the final battle with keith and lance alone at the war room table...................... prime, prime content. THEY HELD. HANDS. there was a CLOSE UP. i’m still living off of it. another “lost my shit” moment. favorite scene of the entire season. 

there was some genuinely good moments of humor. keith had some especially funny moments, i laughed out loud a few times, tho i can’t name anything super specific atm.....

it was nice that they tried to really work in the idea that unity is what’s important, and the best unity is built through love, and differences shouldn’t tear us apart and we are always stronger together, etc etc.... i think that was obviously the writers referencing our society’s current climate to some extent, so i appreciated them at least trying to touch on that, however generic and vague it was. 

they had some good new outfits this season?? it was nice to see the paladins in so many different clothes. and a lot of the garments were really cute!!

i like how often keith urged them to not give up. I think that’s another strong theme that’s existed throughout the series. it just strikes a personal note with me. i like how far keith has come as a character in general.

pidge’s mom making that flower for allura?? very sweet. 

i liked all of lance’s reactions to anyone mentioning someone having an interest in keith, haha. Obviously, i’m projecting, but still. 

i think the concept of ALL realities being threatened was actually great, because otherwise idk why they would’ve brought up there being other realities in the first place. the significant level of what was at stake with that being what the paladins were dealing with was a good choice. 

keith turning down becoming the new head of the galra. phew, thank you @god.

as always, studio mir is the lord’s animation studio and so much of the visuals were so excellent. can’t wait to see their future projects.

and honestly, it’s been fun. it’s been a fun show. it’s had a ton of problems but i cannot deny that i have seriously enjoyed watching a lot of it as a whole. 

i guess technically they did end the show on a gay kiss. 

the bad 

i’m not even that personally upset but it just goes to show how important an ending is. how a story leaves you makes such a significant impression. it’s probably the most important part of a narrative and OMG THESE WRITERS DO NOT KNOW HOW TO WRAP THINGS UP AT ALL, IT’S SO FUNNYYYYY.

so anyway, yeah........ episode 13.......................... what. 

like wtf was ep 13. 

what.

what even WAS THAT. PEOPLE got PAID to write THAT. 

lance became... altean? can that.... happen? also........... why???

and a farmer?? a simple life?? where did that even come from??? like sure, lance was homesick and missed rain one time. that doesn’t.... it just..... that doesn’t mean he should just be a random farmer?????? whose gf died, i guess??

speaking of that, OMG they fucking KILLED ALLURA. I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT. I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. WHAT A DUMB CHOICE. I’M STILL LAUGHING. I HAD NO EXPECTATION THAT THAT WOULD HAPPEN. WOULD NEVER HAVE EXPECTED THAT. AND YET IT DID. WTF. HOW CAN YOU MAKE SUCH A DUMB WRITING CHOICE. HOW???

and the fact that they didn’t even EXPLAIN why honerva & allura had to do whatever it is they did????? criminal. ridiculous. 

and all that aside, allura and coran’s relationship was so important and so special and the fact the she and him didn’t get a goodbye? garbage. unbelievable. 

and to add to that, all of her goodbyes were underwhelming. shiro being like “you don’t have to thank me for anything” umm, what. yes she does. you did a lot. wtf, what was with that?

like i love allura, but also, why was the ending SO FOCUSED on just her?? And by that, i mean including the choice to kill her off. VLD has always been about the group. It just was a weird vibe to end on for many, many reasons. The ending should’ve been about her and the rest of them recognizing how they were more than just friends or paladins. They were family... like ALL THE WRITERS HAD TO DO was have them all together at the end?? I’m not even joking. That needed to be the ending, point blank...... AND THEY COULDN’T EVEN DO THAT. WHYYYY

ok moving on but still related, I HATE slideshow endings like that, in pretty much anything that isn’t a documentary or historical drama. I feel like it’s such a cop out. Writers should find confidence and end their story on a specific note. Not a series of slides.

as i was watching ep 13, tbh, the title got me excited. “the end is the beginning” made me feel like they were somehow going to get thrust back in time for a brief second to the moment they all met at the garrison, or met allura and coran, and somehow that was going to get pulled into the finale as a way they could re-establish all the destroyed realities.... so i guess this is my own fault for just hoping for something that wasn’t there, but whatever.

i think lotor and zarkon also got some really undeserved positive recognition. like, they both killed a LOT of people... some things are just too little too late. 

lotor coming “back” was also like, half assed. it was weird. it would’ve made more sense for honerva to start jumping through different realities earlier in the season “looking” for a version of her son and husband that she could be with. 

too many big robots. like..... so many different kinds of big robots. i couldn’t care less. 

as always, a lot of the fight scenes were repetitive as hell. I wish they’d been more creative and written them taking on different approaches rather than just charging at the bad guys.  

WHERE IS MY FORMAL WEAR EPISODE

sorry to hate on allurance, but like, neither lance or allura felt like their actual selves whenever they were together or trying to be a couple... it was weird and sad. Lance barely ever acted like himself this season. 

I thought they threw krolia around a bit too casually. Like she barely pops up and when she did it almost felt like the writers were like “oh yeah, i guess we should include her every now and then”

i thought allura being like “i don’t have a family” to lance was bullshit. like, hello, coran and romelle are right freaking there. more alteans are showing up every day. girl, what tf do you mean???

allura was also kind of excessively mean on multiple occasions?? she was cutting people off, being unreasonable, reckless, and kind of dark..... i didn’t really understand the sudden downfall of her character when she’d started out as this sort of insecure victim, but season after season became stronger and stronger and an awesome member of voltron. idk, it just felt out of place to make her a part of the problem for the final act. 

i wish i had......... cried. i wish they’d written at least one moment well enough that i actually got to experience at least a little bit of a tear.

adam didn’t magically come back from the dead. 

OMG and the kiss between shiro and random dude???? IT WAS SO SLOPPY, I WAS SO EMBARRASSED. it was obviously thrown in at the very last possible moment because they were trying to cover their own asses about the adam thing. like, what was with that bad animation....

epilogues in general are just........ so bad. no one should do them. stop.

omg they never explained the altean colonies... 

honestly, as we kept getting closer and closer to the last episode, i was like....... they do know this is the LAST season, right??? they’re kind of running out of time??

that black entity thing should’ve been fleshed out more and had more of an actual purpose, especially because they touched on it before with the paladins of old. 

i feel like the writers just threw so many things out there over 8 seasons and didn’t actually.... resolve most of them. like, they needed to edit down sooooo much of what they were trying to do. it would’ve been such a stronger series overall if they’d just FOCUSED on the actual compelling parts of this story and its characters.

i feel zero closure tbh, lol. whatever.

the mixed

overall, i was pretty engaged for the most part from episode to episode, but i did get pretty damn bored a few times.

oh god, the leaks were real. it’s good and bad. 

lance and allura still felt SOOOO forced and awkward but at least they tried to give them some actual substance.

like I said before, yay romelle was back! but boo, she wasn’t as quirky or funny anymore :(

Slav bothering everyone was still quite enjoyable to me. i wish shiro had gotten roped into that more, tho. Missed opportunity.

Atlas didn’t feel quite as dumb... but it was still kind of dumb.

i thought honerva honestly held up as a villain. Maybe not a FINAL season villain, but meh. her motivation seemed legit enough and the lengths she was willing to go after 10k years of pain seemed real. I just..... ugh, i wish they’d stuck to her just being evil. Or revengeful. Lok tried to do the same thing with kuvira right at the end. there just... wasn’t enough time to actually do that right, in either case. Or if they were going to do it, Honerva should’ve sacrificed just herself and allura should’ve left with all the other paladins, and that could’ve redeemed her character if that’s what they were going for.

the 2nd episode that focused just on honerva was... fine i guess, but i thought they didn’t define the mixing of timelines very well. it would jump from one clip to another and i didn’t realize fully that we’d gone back in time, or returned to the present, or were seeing this important thing before moving on to another. idk, the order just didn’t work for me. 

i’m glad allura got so much more focus but i feel like keith had so many important story points throughout every season and it felt weird that he was kind of just in the background for the most part of every episode.... like if vld had a “main” character, i always kind of felt that it was slightly keith.... so i’m sad that he didn’t really get much of an ending.

and that being said, i guess this is just a negative, but i feel like keith and shiro’s relationship just didn’t matter anymore??? that was so weird to me?? it was such a focus for SO LONG, it didn’t feel good to just never address them ever. 

there was this really awesome momentum going in the first half of season 8 for this theme of “not holding on to the past / letting the old give way to the new” and they just….. totally lost it. Like, it just never came up again by the end, lol. But i liked it a lot while it was initially there. Just.... wish these writers knew how to stick a landing, jesus. 

like, that older olkari woman that pidge was trying to call out to? she probably had one of the best speeches of the season when she was telling that little olkari girl to go on and be a part of the future. that’s what i’m saying. it had good momentum. they just didn’t fully realize it :/

i think where they started to lose the narrative was in the two part episode, the knights of light ones. going into honerva’s mind seemed cool and i appreciated them trying to do a few interesting things with it, but bringing back the old paladins didn’t feel right. For some reason, I didn’t enjoy allura reconnecting with like, the spirit of her father. I felt like it was a loss that should’ve remained a loss. and yeah, just in general, having them bring up the idea of the benefits and power behind “the old making way for the new” just wasn’t supported by bringing the old paladins BACK... it felt counterproductive. i didn’t like it.

Anyway. I feel like i’m still forgetting stuff and I’ll probably go back and edit this post but yeah. Enjoyed a decent chunk of the final season. Cannot..... even believe how dumb some of the writing choices were. Will forever be slightly confused. Canon is whatever. I’ve still enjoyed this show and its characters and a lot of the amazing content fans have created for it, and it is what it is and at least it’s over and done with :]

[carterhaughs]

TLJ Analysis (SPOILERS!)

I absolutely loved The Last Jedi. It deepened my understanding of all the characters involved in a way the first movie didn’t, while at the same time making me appreciate the first film more. This film also felt like more of a standalone feature rather than just an installment in a series, which is always a good thing. The Force Awakens functioned mostly as a prelude or an overture of sorts, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but makes for a weaker film. 

I walked away from The Force Awakens liking all the characters but not really feeling like any of them had a particularly strong character arc other than Finn and Kylo. This film remedied that, and then some, adding the wonderful Rose Tico into the mix as well. Looking back on my analysis of Rey in the first film and the things I wanted for the second film, The Last Jedi pretty much checked off the whole list and delivered on all of it, big time:

The spiritual and psychological element of the Force is very important to me and we almost don’t get enough of it in this movie - although I think a lot of that has to do with this being the introduction of these characters, and I think that Daisy and Adam did a really good job with what was included.

All that being said, I needed more quiet moments with Rey because any Force-sensitive character is best-written with a hefty side of introspection. I needed to see more quiet moments in the film in general - slower moving scenes that focused solely on characterization. Nowadays, we don’t get a lot of those in action-adventure franchise movies, and J.J. Abrams rarely includes them in his films, which is his biggest weakness as a director imo. Moments like Han seeing Luke in Rey’s innocent, unbridled wonder when she sees the Resistance base planet covered in trees and says she didn’t think there was so much green in the universe. Rian Johnson, a director-writer, is very good at such moments (as in his film Looper), and I’m counting on him to include many in the next two films, which he is writing (and one of which he’s directing as well).

Also, can I just say that I love being right? I think you all already knew that but I do so love being right. I haven’t talked much about Kylo Ren on this blog bc he’s such a polarizing subject and my hands were full enough dealing with the nastier side of the Rogue One fandom without weighing in on Kylo, but I’m going to quote myself here - this is from my initial analysis right after watching The Force Awakens for the first time (I also analyzed all the other main characters in this post, if you’re interested in reading my takes on them as well) - then, as now, the conflict in him was fully evident:

I was fascinated by Adam Driver’s soulful, wrathful, deeply disturbing portrayal of our new conflicted Dark Sider. He’s embarassed by the very fact that he’s human - he turns away when Hux enters Snoke’s hologram throne room thingy like he can’t bear for anyone to see his actual face. He’d rather be a concept than a flesh and blood human with feelings and we don’t know what drove him to this. Leia absolves Han and herself of guilt, saying it’s Snoke who seduced him to the Dark Side and that Ben had too much of Vader in him. This is confusing to me, as the last thing Vader says to Luke is to tell Leia that Luke was right about there being good in him. Until we know more, I’m going to interpret this as Anakin’s acute vulnerability to the extremes of the Force (because of the whole Chosen One business) being something Ben is susceptible to as well. Snoke did something and Ben ended up killing Luke’s new Jedi Order - bad shit had to have gone down and I want that explored, stat. He’s not a completely soulless monster yet, but if no one intervenes, he soon will be.

Snoke’s final test for him was to kill his father, and he passed that test with tears in his eyes (of anger? of sadistic joy? of love? of all three and other emotions beside?). But his eyes aren’t Sith eyes yet so perhaps there’s further yet for him to fall. He says Rey would be “disappointed” if Han was her real father, but we never hear him speak a word about Leia, and I need his relationship with his parents prior to his fall, as well as his fall itself, to be described. He’s lonely, I think - he asks Rey to allow him to teach her, genuinely desperate to connect with her in spite of his jealousy of Anakin’s lightsaber choosing her. He’s filled with self-loathing (for more reasons than I can fathom - for his perceived emotional weakness, his actual physical weakness, his multiple failures in his pursuit of Rey, and so on) and punches his own wounds as if that will make them go away. I feel like I’ll have more to say about him after another viewing, because Adam’s subtle acting says so much that repeated viewings are a must for thorough analysis.

Now, the Imperials/First Order members are much more intriguing in this film than they were in the original trilogy. They aren’t cynical and above it all, or just trying to get by. They’re true believers.

Ok, see what I mean about being right? Bc damn, was I ever right. Conflict and the balance channeled thereby make up the grey areas of the Force where Rey and Kylo were finally able to meet and connect.

Luke’s arc about failure in this film moved me to tears and among the few issues I had with the film were that we didn’t get to see him continue to teach Rey beyond this film - Mark Hamill was fantastic and the scene between Luke and Force Ghost Yoda was my favorite in the film and resonated with me deeply - the truth of failure as a potent teacher and the role of the master to nurture the student to grow beyond their reach. 

I also wanted more lore from this film - more about the connections between past and present via the ancient Jedi but maybe that would have been too esoteric for general audiences. I’ve been spoiled by Knights of the Old Republic, a video game series in the old Star Wars canon that this film certainly has drawn on (that much is most obviously evident in Kylo Ren’s character design and now in the Force Bond lore and connection between Rey and Kylo - if you are interested in my meta on Revan and Bastila, and then Atton and the Exile and Kreia, you can read all that here and here, respectively).  

In any case, I am raring to go see it again and can’t wait to dive into fic and meta for this film - and as I did with Rogue One, am very much looking forward to contributing my own.