#one of my worst posted here methinks

[jam3sacaster]

masterlist 🩷

hello guys!! it’s meeee, jam3sacaster! if you’re new here, i’m a rivals fanfic writer with an always open ask box for requests for any scenario, any character! 🫶🏽💋 thank you for all your lovely comments so far & i appreciate you all sm 🥹 i will update it here every time i post 🫶🏽

rupert campbell-black

smut/vague smut

• “i can’t breathe without you.”

• “i’ll be gentle, angel.”

• “you’re such a dirty girl.”

• “i think i rather like that.”

• “let me warm you up, darling.”

• “i will never forget your touch. it will linger on me.”

• “the lady doth protest too much, methinks.”

• “bubbles hide a multitude of sins.”

• “i pray you, do not fall in love with me.”

• “say my name.”

• “well, i am a member of the clitory party.”

• merry christmas, angel (continuation)

soft/protective rupert 🥺

• “what did you fucking say?”

• “i can’t sleep. i just think of you.”

• “just breathe with me, darling.”

• “you just don’t see it, do you?”

• “you belong to me.”

• “let me take care of you, darling.”

• “you must be careful, angel.”

• “you have the body of a goddess.”

• “you can ride my pony anytime, darling.”

• “she’s the one, lizzie.” no reader in this story.

• “happy new year, angel.”

• “forever yours, r.”

• “i’m a heartless man at worst, babe. and a helpless one at best.”

• “i’m a great stress reliever.”

• “well, you couldn’t possibly dance alone.”

• “don’t worry about it, angel.”

• “i have waited for the day.”

• was i just a fool? / breakup with rupert :(

• “you deserve a real man.”

• every breath you take / proposal!

• you have bewitched me, body and soul.

• merry christmas, angel.

storyline

• i don’t believe in god, but i believe that you’re my saviour. PT 1

• i don’t believe in god, but i believe that you’re my saviour. PT 2

• oh, the whole world, it is sleeping. but my world is you.

declan o’hara

smut/vague smut

• “i’m gonna have ‘ta punish ya’.”

• “i think you know…”

• “ya’ want me to touch ya’ like that?”

• “how does it feel, my girl?”

• “how beautiful you are, my girl.”

• “don’t think i’ll go easy on ‘ya.”

• “what do ‘ya want me to do to ‘ya?”

• “time for a new one.”

• “do ya’ know how wrong this is?”

• “your turn.”

• earned it.

• all i need.

soft/protective declan🥺

• “for he would be thinking of love..”

• “how does it feel, huh?”

• “i can’t stand to see ya’ with someone else.”

• “i’m slave to her, slave to her love.”

storylines

• “miss baddingham, you are bad news.” PT 1 smut

• “miss baddingham, you are bad news.” PT 2 protective

• “you have no idea what ‘ya doing to me, do ‘ya?” PT 1 smut

• “there’s just something about ya’.” PT 1 angst

• “there’s just something about ya.” PT 2 romance

rupert x taggie

smut/vague smut

• “daddy, can you…”

• “show me what you do to yourself, darling.”

rupert x reader x declan

love triangle storyline/smut

• “don’t waste your time with him.” PT 1

• “don’t waste your time with him.” PT 2

basil baddingham

smut/vague smut

• “jesus christ, you’re enchanting.”

soft bas🥺

• “well, my love…”

• “thank god you’re here.”

lizzie x freddie

• “i wish i could stop thinkin’ about ‘ya.” soft

taggie o’hara

• because i knew you, i have been changed for good. PT.1 platonic

• because i knew you, i have been changed for good. PT.2 platonic

random titbits (tony, lizzie etc)

• “well, she’s quite some lady…” rupert x reader ft tony

• “you have so much celestial light.” patrick o’hara x reader

• “that was gloriously naughty.” tony baddingham x reader

[wyauwu]

ok i've seen a lot of, like, joke-type posts about carol having crazy beef with susie (also the i am HOMOPHOBIC posts) and to be clear. they ARE very funny. the general concept of susie being mortal enemies with both noelle's mom AND (maybe) her sister (i am a dess knight truther) is very funny 2 me. but also i do think that carol genuinely doesnt have anything personal against susie? or at the very least, doesnt have nething against susie and noelle being together.

like, hear me out. presumably, carol is (at least one of) the voice(s) on the phone - which means she knew susie was in the house already. she also warns kris to UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES let susie see the code, in such a dire way where it's like, she thinks if susie sees the code, their plans are, if not completely ruined, then a giant wrench would be thrown into them. she also knows that dess's room is unlocked, and the guitar is RIGHT THERE, big and obvious, right out in the open. letting susie hang out with noelle in the house is a huge risk, even with kris there. but even so, carol only rushes back to the house to scare susie off once she literally has the guitar IN HER HANDS.

carol was willing to risk it big time, just to let noelle have her hangout with susie, and only gives her the 'dont talk to my daughter ever again' once the worst (in her eyes, at least) has almost/has happened and she deems it to dangerous for them to interact. id argue that she isnt just 'fine' with them being together, under different circumstances, she might even encourage them being together.

(there's also something here to be said about how she might want noelle to 'toughen up', rudy talking about how hard she is on noelle, the bronzing of the snowflakes (making something flimsy and fragile solid and cutting), how she herself is a katana wielding menace who makes the police obsolete, etc. she might see susie as a good influence with her rough n tumble atittude, her strength and willpower. but thats a whole different character analysis methinks.)

[everdreamtheseclowns]

INTRO ──★ ˙♦️ ̟ !!

“Salutations, dudes, dudettes, and every single solidarity pixel of the world wide web! Time-traveler Chester Titor here! Ever wanted to see what happens when you give a demonic killer clown that lurks from the depths of your nightmares and his most devoted mortal follower, both of which are currently stuck in the ancient year 1955, access to modern day social media? Well, You’ve come to the right place!” -🛸

CONT’D BELOW CUT!! (Including character intros, basic etiquette, boundaries, etc.)

.★⋅.──────.˳★˳.──────.⋅★.

CHARACTERS ──★ ˙♦️ ̟ !!

Unlikely (Nightmare Clown) ♠️🃏

“Anon” (Mask Clown) ♥️🤡

Chester Titor 🛸👽

.★⋅.──────.˳★˳.──────.⋅★.

“Now that you’re here, let’s talk about the two circus freaks that this account is reallly about! (I mean…sure, i’m apart of this whole thing too, but…c’mon, read the room!)”-🛸

“Let’s start off with the big man himself—The night hag, The primordial chucklenuts from the void, The grin reaper! The-“-🛸

“The clown that’ll be the reason you end up in a horrifically overdue grave?” -🃏

“…well dang, i was just hamming you up! No need to get your taco in a twist, man!” -🛸

“Mmmmhmm~ that’s what i thought, Titor. Now make like an egg n’ beat it for me. Lest i end up scramblin’ you like one!”-🃏

“SO not cool, dude… but i’ll dip.”-🛸

“Good, good…now…”-🃏

♠️🃏”What say you to a little GAME?”🃏♦️

MEET UNLIKELY! (AKA The Nightmare Clown)

(Biologically) 100+ years old, (Physically/Mentally in his late 30s-early 50s

Voice Headcanon: DJ Grooves (AHiT)

Speech indicator: signed with 🃏, ♠️/♦️ + RED text!

He isn’t the sweetest ball of sunshine around, feel free to expect the worst from him. He’s just peachy when he wants to be though

He likes human contact! Go ahead, approach the clown! he won’t bite! (Reverse psychology woooooo)

A sore winner and a sore loser. A sore player even. Every last ounce of him is sore. Yeah.

The only thing bigger than himself is his ego. Followed by his appetite, greed, and sportsmanship (or rather the lack thereof). All of which are at an unrecordable size.

Despite his knack for bloodshed, and all things carnage, he has a strong sweet tooth! He favors the more sugary cuisines (Cotton candy, cake, ice cream, anything that stands out to him)

Totally doesn’t secretly run an underground society of mortals wearing clown masks that devote their entire existence to him

.★⋅.──────.˳★˳.──────.⋅★.

“…What’s the fun in playing all these games if you know you’re going to win? It’s kind of anticlimactic methinks”-🛸

“What isn’t the fun ‘bout it? It’s definitely funner when you don’t got a pathetic lil’ morsel in your ear screamin’ about some “YoUr gAmE iS rIgGeD!!””-🃏

“Heyyyy!!! I don’t scream like that :c”-🛸

“I don’t mind it one bit though! After all, it ain’t like they’re gonna be screamin’ their heads off any longer—once they’re CUT CLEAN OFF!”-🃏

“True, however, there’s a possibility that they’d still be alive for a short duration of time afterward, considering that bodiless heads can still function semi-properly, albeit for only a few seconds. But yes, they physically be incapable of screaming post-decapitation.”-🤡

“Hey! Where’d you come from?”-🛸

“…”-🤡

“Ya see? I even got my own second in command to back me up! Where’s yours, Titor? Scared her off or somethin?”-🃏

“…moving on.”-🛸

“It’s…!”-🛸

♣️🤡”ANON!”🤡♥️

MEET “ANON”!

⚠️NOTE: “Anon” is a PLACEHOLDER NAME for the Clown Mask man in TNMN. This character has no official name as of the moment this is all being typed. This section is subject to change in the future, if any more information regarding this guy’s identity is revealed in the tnmn canon.⚠️

33 years old. (8/11/1922)

Voice Headcanon, in the cases where he rarely speaks out: L Lawliet (Death Note)

Speech indicators: signed with 🤡, ♥️/♣️, BLUE text + small letters

Small text will be used for his speech, since i headcanon him to speak in a very soft tone, by default. Only ever raising his voice when experiencing intense, overwhelming emotions

Isn’t good with presenting himself, and social cues. Has trouble communicating his thoughts, and feelings properly—considering how many would assume, upon initial meeting, that he lacks them.

Unlikely’s right hand man. Does errands and chores for the Big Top, all the while luring pedestrians into playing his boss’s inevitable games.

Rarely speaks, unless talking in regards to his boss (Unlikely), or to add onto a conversation

Knows too much. The government fears him.

Is neighbors with Chester, knew him before the incident occurred (2/9/1955), but didn’t become proper friends with him until then.

When he isn’t talking, he’d normally either write his thoughts out, draw, or reply with simple gestures.

.★⋅.──────.˳★˳.──────.⋅★.

“Alright, Chestnut. You’re up…”-🃏

“Oh? Already?? Cool beans!”-🛸

“Yea, yea…don’t go all grandiose, grandpa. This ain’t about you, y’hear?…”-🃏

“Ughh,, fiiine…”-🛸

“But lemme just…ahem…”-🛸

“ohh boy.”-🃏

“Salutations, dudes, dudettes, and every single solidarity pixel of the world wide web! It’s (as seen on the news) Time-Traveler…

🐄🛸CHESTER TITOR, HERE!!🛸👽

47 years old (6/24/1908)

Voice Headcanon: Fiddleford McGucket (Gravity Falls)

Speech Indicators: Occasional typing quirks/modern “slang”, 👽/🛸/🐄, PURPLE text

He was on the daily newspaper. Twice! Such an achievement, i know.

Rots the brains of civilians nationwide with his obscure 21st century Pop/Internet culture references

Has an exact 42% chance of popping up during asks, even if they don’t have anything to do with him.

May or may not be friends with Aliens

.★⋅.──────.˳★˳.──────.⋅★.

“Well, that’s just about enough out of us! Next stop: basic rules and etiquette! Bye-byeonara!”-🛸

BLOG RULES ──★ ˙♣️ ̟ !!

Basic blog rules:

The blog will open and close every so often to prevent influxes of asks. If there’s a lack of asks at the time of closing, they’ll stay open for a day or two

No Anonymous asks, for now. This fandom (TNMN) has a bad problem with anons and askboxes, as one who’s been in the Tumblr community for a while now should know. As per the beginning of this askblog’s existence, I’ll be keeping Anonymous asks off, for safety reasons.

Though i accept and often play into suggestive jokes about the three (🛸,🃏,🤡), borderline N$F₩ asks will be discarded. The person running this askblog (@gabbbyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ) is a MINOR!!

If i end up discarding or never answering your ask, it’s possibly because I was uncomfortable with it. I hate to do it, but. Yeah.

I may be on/off with this blog due to real life issues (in this specific case, School and other projects.) BUT i will make time for it though!

Please note that most of the stuff i make these characters say and do are based around HEADCANONS!! Their actions and thoughts aren’t entirely correct, unless proven otherwise by canon (or by Nachosamagames himself). However, i attempt to stay as close to whatever goes on in said canon as possible, aside from throwing in my theories and personal twists in there.

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

do u have fem!wolfstar and/or fem!prongsfoot hcs? or just fem!marauders in general if its easier to talk abt the characters fem vers individually outside of ship dynamics. (also maybe fem!girlfailure regulus cuz sirius and reg as enemy sisters oml, walburga and her daughter sirius, it's giving Ladybird but sm worse in a good way) sry this ask has a lot of stuff, i didnt wanna spam multiple asks!! >o<

HIII omg this is such a yum ask. also a longg answer,, feel free to spam my inbox though <333 you might get a quicker answer (im. bad at answering asks) + i have a few posts abt genderbend marauders (here and here)

okay anyway !!!

fem prongsfoot hcs

james puts sirius in a lot of desi clothing &drags her to weddings to dress her up

sirius sits in james' lap to do her make up

take care of each other's hair even though they hate taking care of their own hair

james pierced sirius' ears when they were twelve and effie wrote her a letter telling her off (<- because it could've gotten infected)

james is constantly decked out in 24k gold and cannot fathom why sirius refuses to wear it

(sirius' loyalty to james is only rivalled by her loyalty to silver)

sirius wears heels and she's already super tall (6ft+) so she towers over everyone

sirius has james carry her bc wearing heels for too long is ouch

invented codependent homoerotic girl best friend situationships

share clothes but their styles are so distinct it's impossible to tell

fem wolfstar hcs

remus' hair is super duper long and sirius loves taking care of it

they have very polar opposite styles (remus is whimsigoth and sirius' is whatever she gets her hands on first (body is the outfit))

remus does sirius' nails all the time

sirius loves doing remus' make up !!!!

no one knows theyre dating because sirius has always been protective of remus & remus has always wanted to please sirius

both anemic & have to force pills down each other's throats

worst period cramps in. existence

whenever they sync up they're sobbing and/or screaming into their pillows

but they take care of each other <33

remus makes cutesy things for sirius like cardigans and scarves and stuff

remus clinging to sirius' waist while they go on dates on elvendork !!!

fem regulus (in relation to sirius) hcs

loserrr sister

steals sirius' clothes 24/7

she thinks she's being subtle

(she's not)

she gets better at it as she gets older, though

wants to be sirius

more resentment towards her because she, too, was supposed to be a male (i hc walburga as not being fertile so she has to use potions/spells/etc to produce)

tried doing the same alt make up sirius did and she looked like she got punched in her face with black eyeshadow

fem sirius & walburga

can't decide if this is better or worse

sirius is no longer the heir so far less pressure

more resentment on both sides ("you understand me, but you don't understand me")

walburga can't ignore how much of herself she sees in sirius anymore

sirius can't hide how much of herself she sees in walburga anymore

eating disorder.

sirius was forced into 1-3 marriages methink because she kept acting out

sirius didn't have to work very hard to get out of those marriages at all because walburga regretted it immediately and "just wanted her daughter back"

sirius (after running away) doing anything she can possibly to not look like her mother (bleaching her hair, buzzing her hair, tattoos, piercings, clothes, etc, etc)

[fayes-fics]

I do believe I saw the beautiful words AMA Night. So methinks it's time forrrrrrr

A BENEDICT SEASON ONE HAIR DEATH MATCH

Disclaimer: There's no real winners here, it's all bad. But only ONE can be the errr best of the worst? Yes? Yes! So here are your choices

Hair 1: The In-Print Promo Hair 🫣

Hair 2: The "Ignore the Sassy Lag and Focus on the Helmet"

Hair 3: The "It's so Bad even Eloise is like WTF" 🤣

Hair 4: "Unbrushed and Unbothered"

And last but not "least" 5: The Hair Part of DOOOOOOOM

Good luck my friend, seriously, even I have no idea which one I'd pick. So as a reward in advance, here's some Good Hair, from S2

Ehem, eyes up top, lady, yes he has hair on his head, just uhhh pardon me while I study it too 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

OMG ITS ANOTHER DEATH MATCH 😱😱😱🫶🫶

Well now. You know how to bring the dilemmas dontcha?! 😜

I mean I honestly didn’t see how handsome this man actually was until s2, as he spent most of s1 drowning under said hair helmet. 😬

Alright alright well let’s eliminate #1 immediately. I don’t understand how they made such a handsome man look like that. Also #5 can go, the bee waistcoat is adorbs but the hair is a no. #3 is out (lolol your caption about Eloise) cos that is veering dangerously close to mullet territory and I’m sorry but I don’t care if it’s trendy I still hate that hairstyle.

ok ok sooooo #2 snuck by indeed because of the sassy leg (lolol again) but honestly look at that mop. I could clean my floors with it.

So by the process of elimination #4 unbrushed and unbothered is our winner. I think that is the same scene I grabbed the gif for Innocence so it seems fitting that it’s the best of a hairy bunch.

it may not be period accurate (but then what about this show is? Cressida murdered a muppet and wore is in s3 and no one seemed to bat an eye) but I think s2 hair for the Bridgerton boys was a huge upgrade. 🎉

And uhhh you just had to distract me Art Ho Benedict did ya? 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 yeah tbh hair is the very last place I’m looking with that one.

TY for taking part in my AMA night my fren. You always bring me the ~~worst~~ best make me choose posts 🎉🎉😁🧡🧡

[rxzennia]

On Aventurine's Cooperative Eidolons

– an unprofessional dissection

✎𓂃 Namely E1 (Prisoner's Dilemma) and E6 (Stag Hunt Game). I don't doubt that this could just be pure coincidence, but this is Hoyo we're talking about. Properly capitalized work on my blog? More likely than you think. I am not eloquent enough for this. On a side note, I got a deep ass papercut from trying to dig through my bag a while ago, then I hurt the base of my finger 'cause I smacked it into a drawer. Ouch.

Context

See the Etymology section of Aventurine's trivia on the Wiki. There are further Wikipedia links to everything for all you nerds out there (I'm one of them, don't worry). This Reddit post is also good enough, methinks.

If you don't want to read all that, here's the TL;DR:

Prisoner's Dilemma has prisoners A and B who committed, say, arson together. They're interrogated separately (i.e., no communication between them), and there are four outcomes – if neither of them confess (both serve 0 years), if A confesses and B doesn't (and vice versa – whoever doesn't confess serves 20 years), and if they both confess (both serve 10 years). The best individual outcome for each side, then, is to snitch ("defect").

Stag Hunt Game has hunters C and D who must decide whether to hunt a rabbit or a stag with no knowledge of the other's decision. The stag will feed them for a week, and the rabbit will feed them for 2 days. To hunt the stag, they must work together. Otherwise, it could end in three ways: D goes for the stag (D will then starve) and C goes after the rabbit to feed themselves (and the other way around), or both C and D go for the rabbit and each respectively gain 2 days' worth of food. Both hunters are, therefore, more likely to cooperate to get the best outcome (the stag).

On Aventurine's Cooperative Eidolons

What catches my eye is how these two are sequenced. With the Prisoner's Dilemma at E1, and then through E2 to 5 until Stag Hunt Game appears in E6, it's more than just a representation of Aventurine's life up to this point. I wonder if this is a reflection of how his beliefs have changed, or if it's a reflection of what the individual departments of the IPC means to him, or if it's both.

As that Reddit post has already said, the PD applies to Aventurine and his owner. However, if we consider the game as between him and the IPC (or specifically the Marketing Development Department in this case), then the PD takes on a completely different meaning. When the Second Katica-Avgin Extinction Event took place, the Avgins were expecting the IPC to come to their aid, so they went ahead with the festivities on the day of Kakava. This was the worst possible outcome for the Avgins, and honestly I think I died a little inside when I came to this realization halfway through writing this. Sure, it's uncertain if the Avgins would've called off the festival were they aware of the IPC's plan, but I think that's just a bandaid on a broken bone.

The Avgin clan cooperated, and the IPC defected. The IPC acquired the optimal outcome – they effectively ensured the elimination of the Avgins and the Katicans from the politics in Sigonia – while the Avgin clan found themselves facing extinction. While there has been communication between the IPC and the Avgin, it's untrustworthy communication – basically equivalent to having no communication (the PD may still hold when there is communication, granted that it is ineffective; for explanations see here). Logically speaking, the Avgin clan should know this; the IPC did have an indirect hand in their banishment to the desert, which would then be reasonable to say that the IPC has no interest in resolving the enmity between Avgins and Katicans. The rational action here for the Avgins, then, would be to defect as well, but this isn't a world where every player is rational.

What all of this implies is that in such a situation, where a rational player in the Avgins' position would choose to defect, the Avgins in the story chose to bet on that non-existent chance of cooperation in a Prisoner's Dilemma. How desperate must they be to take that chance in cooperation, to wilfully ignore all the signs that point to defection by the IPC?

If you hear sobbing in the distance, you'd better join me. Well played, Hoyo. Well played. Okay, let's move on.

A Prisoner's Dilemma (PD) can become a Stag Hunt (SH) through eliminating the factors that contribute to the "every man for himself" sentiment in the PD. Suppose there is a scenario where the PD applies. What makes both sides equally wary of the other, and what prevents them from working together as they would've in a SH? Uncertainty. Incomplete information and trustworthiness – if you don't know what move the other side is going to make, you have to look for the best move for your situation.

In the real world, incomplete information is generally addressed by institutions. Information is made transparent by various institutions at various levels so that there is less guesswork for the players in the dilemma. It reminds me of the IPC Strategic Investment Department, since they are providing information for Aventurine to make decisions for his next move, and simultaneously trade information with the Marketing Development Department. It's less that they do it willingly, but because they're both departments under the IPC, there is a certain level of transparency between them. 

Trustworthiness is essentially how one convinces others of their intentions. How else can anyone look at your past actions and determine that you're likely to cooperate if you have nothing vouching for you? Aventurine went from being a slave to a Stoneheart, and so with his current position and connections comes a certain degree of trustworthiness. Therefore, the IPC, too, have to honor deals made with him, as they have an image to maintain to everyone else in the cosmos – all because of Aventurine's position. It's a real shame that only now that the Marketing Development Department can't walk all over him again. A real shame.

By E6, Aventurine is playing the Stag Hunt Game, as opposed to the Prisoner's Dilemma. Is he collaborating with the Strategic Investment Department to achieve some mutual goal, where both will benefit? Hell, is he playing the Stag Hunt with the Astral Express, too? What is his desired outcome, then? 

If we look at this in terms of how Aventurine's beliefs have changed, he's gone from a lone player to someone with a lot of cards. He's intentionally put himself in a position where cooperation becomes worthwhile, thus ensuring his interactions all fall under the "Stag Hunt" category. This doesn't mean that his life is free from betrayal, given how he seems to expect the dirtiest tactics in the execution of an interaction; rather, he expects that the outcome of any action would bring him a net benefit that offsets the price of being betrayed. 

This means he's learned from the Second Katica-Avgin Extinction Event, where the defection of one player and the cooperation of the other resulted in the optimal outcome for the defector at the expense of the cooperator. I'd like to think he is where he is now because he wants to be well equipped to turn any future interactions that would land him in a PD into a SH; he sees the value in cooperation, the benefit of being able to play his cards with the expectation that his opponent would play into the outcome he wants because of a shared goal. 

If we examine this as two distinct interactions with the IPC departments, we have the Prisoner's Dilemma and the Marketing Development Department on one hand, and the Stag Hunt and the Strategic Investment Department on the other. This interpretation brings up a very familiar notion: Aventurine and the Marketing Development Department are never going to get along. With the PD, there is no way both sides would cooperate, and so there we have it. Even if Aventurine doesn't know about the role that the Department played in Sigonia (as there is no canon confirmation as of yet), he isn't going to get along with them as someone of the Strategic Investment Department. True to the political climate within the IPC, there is barely any trust, nor any expectation to cooperate beyond what is absolutely necessary.

Aventurine's association with the Strategic Investment Department is a SH game in and of itself. Diamond gets a new Stoneheart, and Aventurine gets to live. I have no doubt that he manipulates every mission into a SH situation by revealing just enough of his cards; it's highly unlikely that he's able to achieve the Department's goals with no assistance. 

Overall, well… This goober is still living in my head rent free. Thanks, Hoyo.

[inamindfarfaraway]

So I saw your post here [https://www.tumblr.com/inamindfarfaraway/690058488775327745/batfamily-fanworks-that-purport-to-be-set-in-the] and oh my gosh YOU ARE SO RIGHT!

As much as I enjoy it, Hush is definitely to blame for this as it is held as THE end-all-be-all of all BatFam stories yet Cass (who an acclaimed ongoing series as Batgirl around the same time) was suspiciously missing from it along with Steph. Yet we only ever get flashbacks to Bab's time as Batgirl so that storyline also ended up cementing Bab's legacy as "the one and only Batgirl". Methinks a certain editor in charge at the time mandated for Cass and Steph to not appear in Hush because they-according to him-"were way too toxic" for said storyline. Because you see, as soon as he became a leading editor, his number one priority was getting rid of Steph and stripping Cass of her Batgirl role.

And so the age of darkness began...

First, there was War Games that solely existed to torture Steph in the most vile, most voyeuristic ways before killing her off. Then there was Robin: One Year Later, one of the worst, horrific character-assassination storylines since Spider-Man's One More Day, where Cass was suddenly turned into an over-the-top Saturday Morning cartoon villain obsessed with killing everyone, giving long-winded "together we can rule the world" speeches and being able to speak and write in fluent Navajo. ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT LANGUAGES IN THE WORLD. Then there was Redemption Road which, despite its good moments and happy ending, did even more damage to Cass's character. And finally, we have Battle For The Cowl which ended up pushing Cass and Steph so far into the background, they were basically erased from the BatFamily altogether.

Yet despite Steph's well-received run as Batgirl, DC's poor marketing and the lead up to the New 52 prevented the series from becoming a proper bestseller and it was cancelled without any fanfare whatsoever. Still, all those horrible decisions and storylines (like War Games and Robin: One Year Later) did such massive, long term damage to the characters that, even despite all the small good things (Steph's Batgirl series to the excellent Gates Of Gotham mini-series starring Cass), they were buried from public consciousness. As for Duke (another character, I'm a fan of), I think its just a case of him being a very recent character, a lack of marketing and higher-ups not knowing what to do with him.

As for the asshole editor who everything to burry the Batgirls, he was eventually fired for creating an "unsafe working environment". And yes, his name rhymes with "Ban Video".

As for the people who keep erasing Cass, Steph and Duke from fan works, I know it sounds depressing but hear me out: Fandom, be it comics, video games, films, cartoons, TV shows, ect, has an unconscious bias of white male favouritism. (Yes, I know Dick is Romani, Damien half-Arabic/Asian yet they're still quite white-passing)

YES! THANK YOU! ALL OF THIS!

It is so sad and frustrating that these bias persist even in communities that are meant to be about joy and love; but of course the Batfam fandom has issues with sexism and racism when the canon also has for so long. I'm sure most fans don't try to be prejudiced, but male and white-passing characters are so much more popular than others. The unfair treatment of Steph as Robin and both her and Barbara in making Babs Batgirl again for no reason is one of the things I wrote Robins: The Musical to vent about, and that's only the tip of the iceberg.

Thanks for the explanation! I was already familiar with most of the context you generously provided, but I still really appreciate it as a specific comics shame/recommendation guide and education for others. I wasn't aware of Gates of Gotham and will read it! Black Bat my beloved. Dan Didio when I catch you...

(My original post is here)

[prism-forgone]

Asriel Dreemurr is a Prince of Doom ((bangs pots and pans))

[ALT: he seems like he'd be a prince of doom since princes usually act like their opposite aspect AND he acts like a life player methinks]

via @ghostzdrawz

in a reblog for this post: x

putting this as a separate post because it got so long that i couldn't simply put it below your reblog ^^'

yes that is exactly my classpect for asriel!!

( just as a sidenote, I find it very fun that, given my track record of assigning UTDR characters classpects, when a character is a Prince, they are also literally a prince in canon, like Ralsei, and now Asriel).

Asriel Dreemurr // Prince of Doom

You (very correctly!) stated Princes ghost their opposite aspect, and they do that since it's only prudent for a destruction class to destroy their aspect through leaning into the opposite one, too. The fact Princes destroy their aspect or destroy with their aspect supports this even more. They're destructive inwards and towards their environment, zeroing in on things having to do with their aspect and, depending on their mental state, destroying the enemies of its well-being or (usually, really) making it wither.

The ways Asriel supports Doom as an aspect are so numerous that it isn't even funny, so I'm just gonna list some things from my aspect notes and provide brief explanations:

affinity for unfortunate events, either in being the victim or invoking them (the incident he and Chara had with buttercups instead of cups of butter, Chara's death and subsequently Asriel's death during the scheme they both agreed on, creating entire timelines where he concocts his own genoroutes)

natural magnet for the worse parts of the narrative (being fated to live as a soulless being by pure chance, since his ashes were on the flowers purely by coincidence)

great supply of empathy and/or wisdom (the former is true for Asriel, who has a soul; the latter for Flowey, who is soulless and tested how things work many times - he even gives you a mock tutorial)

sufferers and martyrs (Asriel sacrificed himself to not kill anyone, even when attacked)

affinity for attunement with some kind of... otherness, alongside Life (like the exiles or horrorterrors in HS, or what I interpret as game mechanics in UT, and kinda just us - Flowey addresses Frisk, Chara and the player all at separate occasions)

Doom's symbolism of skulls, fire, explosions and bombs (he literally uses all these in his various attacks, most in the Omega Flowey form, that one with the added caveat of vaguely destroying Doom by using plants, Life's domain, too; but the skull appears in his Hyperdeath form attack)

literal meanings of death, sacrifice, entropy, acceptance (the first two are already plenty clear, entropy is just what Flowey was doing before we got here again and again, and what he attempts to do as Omega Flowey; and acceptance is what he finally exhibits at the end of True Pacifist)

abstract meanings of deterioration, nihilism, stagnation, static state of affairs, pessimism and limitations (most are already clear - the static nature of Flowey is him resetting again and again, to the point where Sans, along with whoever he was conducting research with, noticed the time anomalies and literally had depression induced because of the fact time is just Standing Still in a loop and nothing seems to matter anyhow so why bother trying <- destroying with Doom at its finest example; but also, the loop could be seen as something exactly opposite, since Flowey always tests something different).

Additionally, as the Extended Zodiac tells us - even though I try to not rely on it too much - the best a Doom hero can be is wise, kind and non-judgmental, while the worst they can be is being filled with bitterness, resentment and fatalism. The difference is between if they cling to the past or if they learn from it.

so, yeah. to sum up, my track record already shows i need very little to get me going about this so i'm very sorry ☝️however, counterpoint: it's really fun to do this hahah

[worldsfromhoney]

It’s 1044pm and i just stopped my reblog spree cuz i remembered tumblr’s a blogging thing, not a quick scroll leave a couple rbs and sneak out kinda thing

So et voila hello

Writing schtick, as of May 5

Ever since declaring i’m all in this creative future mofo 2 weeks ago, sched’s been wonky. I used to have these volunteering side schmuck gigs meant as a backup in case i dont make it as a writer—so i scrapped all that cuz ALL IN BABY

Term aint starting again till September so i got a hella long while to work on proper shit

to make this blog post make sense, here r my wips:

The _NOOK Project -

my firstborn who’ll have to bear the pressure of all my dreams. A mix of a fiction podcast series & a running fiction blog site. Sounds weird but if i get round to explaining it then it’ll sound fucking awesome

Caught in the Storm of Your Story -

Lol idk if i should mention it here. This gon be my big fanfic brainrot project that’ll last a goddamn decade if i can help it. This blog’s technically my OG writing one but idk my meds r making me sleepy

Contest entry submissions stuff

With the whole all in can do attitude im gonna regret in the future, decided to chuck off some works to contests every end of month—so watch me chase that May 31 deadline bitches

Is gonna be one short story & 5 poems methinks

General pub submissions

Lotsa literary mags zines pubs are open throughout the yr so I’m getting some shit together for that. These be works i can actually work on instead of doing a rush job on

OK i think that’s all my current active wips? I call them wips but rn i’m just painassingly outlining the shit outta these fuckers

STRUCTURE IS KEY, WRITERS OF THE WORLD! ya can wing writing if it’s just for fun sugar, but ya need structure to be serious

Of the fuck all i learned in my 1st yr pumping immigrant money in white country for a CW degree: STRUCTURE BABY

Serious writers are good architects or some shit like that

Other life stuff updates: I’m apartment hunting and i have the worst timing ever cuz holidays are pressing against my inquiries w/o leaving room for jesus. Im a stubborn fucker tho so i’ll just keep making calls till i finally get to prostate examine my future homes

Am i scared of being homeless by june if i dont find an apartment this month?

No cuz IM FINDING ONE NO MATTER WHAT LIVING CRISIS GODS SAY

Anyway my meds are kicking in so i’m ending le update here.

BYE

[mysynthfetish]

Failure... Success...

After I got the DR-220E, I saw this DR-220A on the auction for ¥2,000 being sold as 'junk' and thought what the hell, why not? I cleaned the leaked battery juice off the E, probably just another case of the same but more of it. Boy was I wrong...

I immediately knew I was in for a bad trip when I opened the battery compartment and was met with that. I plugged in a wall wart and turned it on but no luck, it was dead as fuck. So I opened it up to see how far the corrosion had gone.

There's the reverse side of the battery terminals in the second picture. If you look at the resistors on the left side, you can see corrosion. How far HAD the corrosion crept?

All the way through the traces on the PCB to the main IC. And see those down arrows? The corrosion had all but eaten the screws that used to be there. Holy fuck! It was the worst case of battery corrosion gone buck wild that I have ever seen. And the smell? Oof. I still haven't thrown it in the trash. Some silly part of me is like but but but maybe something can be salvaged? NOPE. The freakin traces on the PCB were BLACK. The corrosion had grown up out of the solder spots like a fungus or slime mold. Gnarly shit man!

I dunno if I posted this previously. I wanted one of these for ages. Saw one on Mercari (flea market app) for a reasonable price so I bought it. Fun synth. I saw someone on schmootube referred to it as the iSynth. Heh. Not quite up to the Apple design aesthetic methinks.

Got a few Aira Compact machines, a pair of S-1s and a T-8. Stuck knob caps from Thonk on 'em and they look and feel nicer now. S-1 is basically a 2020's MC-202 on steroids. T-8 is fun for what it is. The size and fun factor are big scorers here. They sound great as well.

Picked this up off the auction just to play some short C-64 voice synthesizer samples live in a gig I got coming up. Not sure how I feel about this thing. It'll do what I need it to so that's all I can ask I guess.

The Drum Mint!!! What a wee weirdo! Fun little shit. I can't believe people are baking shit like this up in their free time. Maniacs! Sounds ghetto as hell. Right up my alley.

Last but not least, the Elmyra 2. Bought the DIY kit off Thonk. Took about two and a half hours to solder together. Endless jacks and pots. Mind-numbing. Did it at work, since the school year is over and I have no more paid time off and there's feck all to do anyway. Very interesting machine. Definitely from some dark corner of outer space. Fun stuff.

[zeddertop-bugster]

why is my larry jacq sketch my most liked post on this blog like actually

literally a sketch im going to draw them more and ill actually finish it this is a threat WHY are you liking my crummy unfinished sketch of pain

[velvet-cupcake-games]

Made Marion Development Update, December 2021

Happy Winter Solstice, and Merry Whatever Non-Avalon Holidays You May Be Celebrating This Time of Year!

I have a couple grinchy updates before we get to the presents.

1. Survey Deadline Approaching!

This is for Kickstarter backers, so I've removed it in other posts.

2. Release Date Pushback

I've been evaluating our progress at the end of the year, and at the team's current pace, we won't be able to release at our initial goal of August 2022. I am officially adjusting our anticipated release to Q4 2022 instead.

I'm very sorry we won't be able to hit our initial goal, but as you all know, it's been a very challenging couple of years for most of the planet.  On my part - you know that town in British Columbia that hit the international news for severe flooding?  Yeah, that was my town. We've had the entire natural world drop on our heads in various incarnations (deadly heatwave, wildfire smoke quarantine, catastrophic flooding) over the last six months. And while my family has escaped the worst consequences, it's affected my spouse's work schedule and I've had to take on a much larger share of household tasks. This is only fair, because his steady job is what allows me to take a chance on starting my own business and making awesome games for all of you!

CREDIT: SOPHIA MIDDLETON/THE GLOBE AND MAIL

My spouse's usual work commute as of mid-November. Yeah, it was bad.

We're still making steady progress, and anticipate the beta for Robin's route to happen in late January or early February at the latest.

Now, for the goodies!

Sherwood Sprite-o-Rama

Our Sherwood love interests (minus DLC LI Layton, who is still in the sprite factory) are complete! Here's the gang!

(Bonus!  A nice look at Marion's Sherwood sprite.)

A very nice glow-up for all of them, methinks. Robin and Will have two major poses now... Will has his crossed arms pose, but also the less petulant pose you see above. Robin has his hands-on-hips pose and also a more conversational one. John just has his main pose, but he has a really cool new outfit that you'll see in the endgame. And of course there are the combat poses. I'm particularly fond of Will's.

This may be the last thing a ne'er-do-well in Nottingham's back allies sees. Yes, Will has a less ostentatious outfit for skullduggery purposes.

Home, Sweet Home

We also now have variations of the Sherwood Cabin for all our love interests. You can get a glimpse of their personalities and interests if you take a good look.

Marion's cabin on a rainy afternoon.

Robin's cabin is largely devoted to fletching.

John's cabin at night. The lion figurine was carved by somebody we know.

Development Miscellany:

My main development tasks right now are writing Robin's route and re-coding the Sherwood common route with the new sprites. Our code assistant/consultant Shawna has been very generous with their time and helped me set up a very nice sprite coding system so that it won't be too terribly time-consuming to work with all the amazing expressions and poses that our new sprites have to offer.

I've also recorded the voiceover for our animated lore intro. It will be four minutes long, and you'll be able to skip it after you've seen it for the first time, even if you quit the prologue without saving your game (in fact, you can choose to skip most of the prologue after you've played it through once, though you might want to play it a couple times to see the alternate scenes you get for making various choices).

As you can see from Will's picture above, I've changed how sprites are named before you know their actual name. Originally I had them listed as "???", but while doing accessibility research I realized that's not friendly for readers who are using Ren'py's self voicing feature. So instead of ???, they will now be listed with some kind of description, such as "Bandit," until you learn their name.

That's it for 2021. What a year! Speaking in Avalon dialect, here's hoping we can get a handle on this rotted pandemic in 2022. See you then!

[random-french-girl]

Could you possibly do a goodfoe/shoni brotp? Thank you!!

Hi Anon!

Sorry it took me so long to do this! Since Toni and Shelby are canonically... not just friends, I’m gonna answer this brotp meme with some romantic stuff, obviously. Here you go!

What in-jokes do they have with each other?

There MUST be an inside joke involving lychees. When they all live together post canon and Shelby adds “lychees :P” to their grocery list on the fridge every time it’s Toni’s turn to go grocery shopping... the first time Toni takes a pic and sends it to the group chat with like eye emoji + fire emoji because she wants everyone to know she’s gonna get laid tonight but all that happens is that the other girls reply with various iteration of “oh you’re going to the store? can you pick up some chips” and “dont forget the milk”. Very disappointing. 

Are they the “I’ll pay this time if you pay next time”-type friends, or the “I’ll pay for my food and you’ll pay for yours”-type friends?

Oh they’re gonna fight about who pays Every Single Time, methinks. It’s not serious though, they’re just both stubborn and wanna treat their gf. Unless Toni’s like: “You should pay, actually. Hashtag reparations.”

Who’s more prone to pranking, or otherwise messing with, the other?

Shelby, 100%. Toni loves it.

How do they text/message each other? Proper punctuation and capital letters, egregious overuse of emojis, mostly in meme format…?

Lots of emojis (hearts... hearts everywhere...). Toni definitely sends memes. 

Do they exchange jokey birthday presents, or deeply thought-out and meaningful presents? Or both?

Thoughtful, probably? Although I don’t know if either of them are super gift-oriented. 

They go on a road trip together. Who drives, who picks the music, who’s in charge of snacks?

Shelby drives. Toni picks the music (non negotiable, she’s never giving that much power to Shelby ever again, she still has nightmares about having to listen to christian rock). They both pick snacks thinking of what the other would want most, so they end up with their favorite snacks even if they didn’t buy them themselves :’)

What do they think of each other’s family?

OH BOY. Toni thinks they’re the worst kind of homophobic & racist white christians, full offense :) Shelby’s probably... very protective of Toni when it comes to her mom, but also very supportive if Toni wants to reconnect with her? 

Do they have any nicknames for each other?

I guess “princess”, but only if Toni is angry at her, so I’m not sure that counts. Shelby starts calling her “baby” after like, a year of dating, which makes Toni’s brain explode. Martha thinks it’s both adorable and hilarious. 

Who’d be the first to try and patch things up if they had a fight?

Toni! 

One of their phones goes off in the middle of the night. Who’s calling whom, and why?

Toni would call her without regards for Shelby’s sleep schedule, yes. It’s because she loves their talks, and she misses her :’)

What’s their favourite funny story about something that happened to the two of them?

Hmmm. Toni probably LOVES telling the story of their first kiss. (”She couldn’t resist my raw sex appeal any longer...” “Toni, that’s not how it happened at all.”)

Would they do a joint cosplay? If so, who would they dress up as?

Oh, I can see Shelby convincing Toni to do a couple costume for Halloween, but only if Toni gets to look Really Cool. Cue Fatin taking pictures of them like the mom in Mean Girls. 

Do they have any TV shows that they watch together? Are there any shows they have wildly different opinions on?

Toni tries to get Shelby to watch detective/mystery shows with her, which doesn’t work. Shelby likes teen shows, but Toni’s not a fan of the drama. Eventually, Martha tells them to try Planet Earth and they love it! Very relaxing, ideal for cuddling, and they both love animals. 

Which one is the “fight me” friend and which one is the one who tries to keep the peace and prevent their friend from punching a total stranger?

Toni is the fight me one. Shelby is very good at keeping the peace, but also will not hesitate to cut a bitch if necessary - and she’s much more terrifying than Toni when it comes to it.

One of them comes up with an ill-advised but mostly harmless idea. Does the other one egg them on because they think it’ll be funny, or try and talk them out of it?

Shelby tries to talk Toni out of ill-advised ideas. With only mixed success. 

Who would win if they arm-wrestled?

Shelby, but only because Toni lets her win every time.

Who’s better at what type of video games, and how competitive are they when they play together?

Toni’s better, because she has a bit more experience. They’re actually VERY competitive. It’s insufferable to play with them.

One of them ends up in hospital for something serious but not life-threatening. What does the other bring along when they visit in order to cheer them up?

Shelby brings Toni so much chocolate. And candy. 

How huggy are they?

They both love hugs! Very physically affectionate in general, once they are fully comfortable with each other.

What was the moment when they first realized that they’d become friends?

Hmm. Complicated question in canon, tbh. I think Toni probably realizes there’s more to Shelby than what she thought in episode 7 - that’s when she makes an effort to be nice and comfort Shelby after Leah goes on her lil rant. This might also be the moment for Shelby, actually? It’s their first real conversation after all, the first time they actually connect and share stuff about themselves. 

[artofdying1970]

what do you think each of the bugs would wear in the met gala

THIS IS SUCH A FUN ASK THANK YOU

this year's theme was boring asf so i'll just kinda go off the rails if you don't mind . they're british what do they know about american fashion

also i wasn't thinking about a specific time frame for this but if i had to I'd say this scenario (??) takes places somewhere from 1967 onwards and the early post break-up days. when they peaked basically

ANOTHER THING: these aren't really consise outfit ideas, i'm honestly just brainstorming and throwing things at the wall seeing what sticks lol

john

realistically he'd go for the all white enemble or something pretentious like that but in this alternative universe he'd go more whoreish because i want him to. he'd wear something like this in an ideal, albeit a tad cursed but still significantly pleasant world

i was also thinking of something using fur? which sounds weird i'm aware but consider it. don't know if he should go for the trim from the first pic or the full-on coat from the second but either way, would love to see it incorporated in some way

accessory wise i feel like he'd do something wacky and uncharacteristic with his glasses i mean he has to right ??? to take a page out of elton's book would work here methinks

paul

you see, at first i was thinking paul would be on either the worst-dressed or the best-dressed list, no in-between. but after giving it some thought i think he served some pretty sweet looks the met gala bitches would gobble up. i've noticed he liked playing with different textures and patterns with tons of layering, so maybe something like that?

i was also thinking of something like this if the gala ever did something along the lines of a royal theme?? maybe

or you could also go with something from the 70s from that time he wore jackets with nothing underneath (couldn't find photos for this but i know they exist trust me). one of the best decisions he's ever made career-wise imho

ringo

lots of color !! during this specific period he apparently really liked patterns (like the others) and was also a big fan of color-blocking or straight-up solid colored suits! the latter is the way to go imo. something like the suit from the get back tailer pictured below! maybe in a warmer color to really make his blue eyes pop :)

george

i saved this one for last because it was the one i was most excited about lol. I KNOW i just said i was going to ignore the theme but ??? it's impossible to talk about both george and american fashion without mentioning denim. picturing double denim, flared pants, platform shoes, and maybe some sort of necklace? very casual and kinda plain but you know he wouldn't have much cared for these sort of events + i'm sure he'd be able to pull it off </3

kinda what he did on the dick cavett show just a tad ""campier""

speaking of, either of these two could also work? i just love the combination of green and pink, it truly is elite and i think george looks so good in it !!

anyways . thanks for coming to my ted talk

[iamanartichoke]

So, remember that post I made like six months ago with gifs from the films of Loki having "nerves of steel," compared to a gif from the scene (in the trailer, at that point) where he jumps like ten feet when he finds himself in front of the dude with the stack of papers? Remember how I said "hmm seems like an ooc reaction" due to how sharply the latter reaction contrasted with the former ones? (I'd link but I don't feel like searching for it.)

Yeah. That post was MOSTLY A JOKE. It literally was just something I thought about and foolishly decided to share bc I thought it was funny. It was not that deep and I can't believe I even have to explain that.

(cut for length)

I'm bringing this up bc I was reading the notes on one of the survey posts going around; one user basically reblogged just to shit on it (I guess it was easier to hop on the post and aggressively tear them down instead of just ... not taking the survey?) and then talked about how much antis hate everything, and how one of our "hot takes" was that Loki was "ooc because he flinched" & "these are the types of people we're dealing with - toxic antis with shit opinions., can you believe"

And I just. I'm so, like, baffled. I know for a fact that more than this one person thought I was being 100% serious with my "hot take" and it's just like, jfc, I literally don't know how to process that apparently my opinions on Loki, his characterization, and his show in general can be summarized with "he's ooc cause he flinched that one time; source: a bunch of gifs" like???? And then to say I'm a Loki anti; like, yes, I'm such a fucking anti-Loki person over here with my Loki obsessed fan blog. Amazing. For all their talk of "antis" not understanding nuance and subtlety, they sure do take everything at face value and make sweeping generalizations, don't they.

I debated even posting this, bc nothing says "uh it was a joke!" like a multi-paragraph rebuttal - thou dost protest too much, methinks, and everything - but it honestly isn't even about the stupid post. It's just that this is an example of how fucking toxic this entire fandom has gotten and I am 500% done. You literally can't win. You criticize the show, you're an anti. You criticize it a lot, and you're probably mentally ill, too. You praise the show, and you find yourself pulled into a "but wasn't it just so brilliant though?" circle-jerk by way of reblogs. You try to have discussions about several aspects of the show, both what you liked and what you didn't, and you get told you're not being impartial enough bc your opinion is rooted in fanon. And regardless of who you're talking to or interacting with on the regular, you're in an echo chamber.

So finally you try to not state too much of an opinion either way and just mind your own business. Try to just enjoy yourself by staying out of the wank and avoiding having your posts spread around and taken out of context. And what happens? The wank finds you anyway. A six month old post comes back to haunt you. You can be reading a post you've not interacted with in any way, and still come away from it having been slapped in the face with some back-handed callout from someone you literally didn't even know existed before this. And just.

What the actual fuck, you guys. Come on.

It's nearly impossible to enjoy yourself anymore. I haven't felt comfortable posting my thoughts/opinions for quite awhile now, and apparently I can't even post humor, either. I furthermore don't feel comfortable knowing there are people in this fandom who are taking people's posts and using them to make Statements about that person's mental health. Or - I saw this very recently - just taking screenshots and mocking their opinions. (I don't care if it's the worst take in the world - what in the fuck makes you think you have the right to screenshot it and trash it? Mind your own business! Jesus! Who raised you?)

Just. I'm tired of it. I don't like not knowing who, actually, is reading my posts or why they're viewing my blog. It's upsetting to me and I've been upset for a long time and this was just the icing on the cake. And yknow what, I'm half afraid to even post this bc, again, I have no idea who's reading or who's going to vaguepost about me as a result. It is absolutely ridiculous.

[qqueenofhades]

If Cursed had asked you, a medieval historian, what to do, what would you have told them?

Ahaha. Ahaha. Hah. Full disclosure, I know/knew absolutely nothing about the show apart from reading this horrible article, but methinks, enough to get a sense of it. And even without the author of this article wildly making up their Blackadder version of history (as my dearest and oh so correct @oldshrewsburyian​ put it yesterday), the quotes from the actors/producers/etc are just... they are just.... SO BAD.

Starring:

"But when we got into filming and the brutality, the mud, the bugs and the blood, I thought, 'I'm not sure I could handle this in reality'.

"I have a feeling I'd get sick and die pretty quick."

"I'd be dead," adds Frank Miller, very matter of fact.

"I mean it was a time of wild plagues and disease and they didn't have much use for people who do the kind of stuff I do."

Ah yes, medieval life. Mud, blood, bugs, and death. “Times of wild plague and disease,” unlike today, where we never have a problem with plague at all. And I’m sorry, the medieval world had no use for artists??? What are you even SMOKING MY DUDE MY BRO MY PAL (and if you don’t know this, WHY ARE YOU MAKING A MEDIEVAL SHOW SUPPOSED TO BE “ACCURATE?”) Have you LOOKED at ONE SINGLE MEDIEVAL MANUSCRIPT? HAVE YOU WALKED INTO A MEDIEVAL CATHEDRAL AND LOOKED AT THE STAINED GLASS WINDOWS? LOOKED AT ANY JEWELRY? ANYTHING?????

(Okay I gotta pace myself, there’s a lot to yell at here and it’ll take a while.)

"If I was living in that time, I think I would want to be a witch but you would stink," Devon Terrell, who's taking on the role, laughs.

As would most people, with a lack of basic sanitation and plumbing which meant human waste was often thrown out close to where you lived.

"And I like a good fairy tale but I wouldn't say I was longing for a time that was much less scientific. I'd probably get killed for heresy or something. I'm not great with authority or religious oppression and that sort of stuff. So, yeah, I don't think I'd fare too well."

There’s just... I don’t know where to even.... /SCREAMS

(And I even cut out the especially face-palming quote from the article about “thousands of people burning for heresy” in the 11th/12th century. “Much less scientific,” well, Roger Bacon’s brazen head just called AND IT THINKS YOU’RE A MORON, DEVON.)

The woman playing Morgana Le Fay talks about your life being “very short” and getting drowned as a witch and whatever Bad Guy Du Jour talks about having no dentists or medical care. We get the picture: they.... really did not do their homework. I’m not sure they even touched Google. So basically, we’d need to start by burning everything down and then asking if really, truly, do we NEED to make this adaptation. There are EIGHT THOUSAND MILLION GODFORSAKEN RETELLINGS OF ARTHUR/THE ROUNDTABLE RIGHT NOW. NOBODY NEEDS ANOTHER ONE! EVEN FOR WHATEVER PSEUDO-FEMINIST TAKE YOU SEEM TO BE TRYING TO PUT ON THIS ONE! ENOUGH! ENOOOOUGH! THINK OF SOMETHING DIFFERENT! THERE ARE SO MANY MEDIEVAL ROMANCES OUT THERE THAT DON’T GET MADE!!!

For example, you know what I would suggest? Bisclavret. Where is my lavish beautifully designed historical-medieval-fantasy queer werewolf romance, I ask you? (Answer: just like that novel I stumbled upon yesterday that decided to make some random Vatican maidservant into Cesare Borgia’s ~truest and purest love~, y’all are too cowardly to do it right.) YOU KNOW WHO WOULD LOVE THIS? THE GAYS! THE GAYS WOULD LOVE IT, PATRICIA! We have a central queer love story (Bisclavret and the king). We have a distinct physical and geographical setting (12th-century France). THE GODDAMN THING WAS WRITTEN BY A WOMAN! (Marie de France.) We could develop the character of Bisclavret’s wife and give her backstory and into a sympathetic and complicated but ultimately redeemed antiheroine, blackmailed by the male/patriarchal/heterosexual villains of the establishment, if y’all REALLY want to get into some subversive queerfem medievalism and not your little weaksauce Nimue in her polyester corset. We could LITERALLY MAKE A QUEER MEDIEVAL WEREWOLF ROMANCE WRITTEN BY A WOMAN!!! HOW ABOUT THAT YOU DINGDONGS?!!

You could decorate the sets beautifully by, I don’t know, LOOKING AT THOSE MEDIEVAL ARTISTS WHO SUPPOSEDLY DIDN’T EXIST. You could bring in other medieval monsters, such as walking corpses, and have brawny young men beating them to death with shovels (as various medieval chroniclers matter-of-factly report on). You could do something besides the TIRED ASS “superstitious peasants think woman with vague evidence of a personality must be a witch!!” You could ground your story in the vivid and colorful politics of 12th-century France and the underground queer life for people in Paris (MAKE PETER THE CHANTER THE FROLLO-ESQUE VILLAIN, I’M JUST SAYING!) EXPLORE THE METAPHOR OF QUEERNESS VIS A VIS MONSTROSITY WITH BISCLAVRET THE WEREWOLF! You could STOP ACTING LIKE GAME OF THRONES IS HISTORY AND “DIRTY PEOPLE IN TUNICS GETTING KILLED MEANS IT’S MEDIEVAL!!!”

/takes a deep breath

But alas. As established, they are Cowards. So, if we absolutely HAD to be lumbered with another goddamn Arthur adaptation:

STOP ACTING LIKE SOME RANDOM VAGUELY 12TH-CENTURY SETTING IS ~tHE hISToriCAl ArThUr!!~ IF HE EXISTED IT WAS IN LIKE 5TH-CENTURY POST ROMAN BRITAIN AND A) WE ALREADY HAD THE TEDIOUS BIG BUDGET “ACCURATE KING ARTHUR” WITH KEIRA KNIGHTLEY DRESSED IN WHATEVER THAT WAS, I’M GAY SO I’M NOT COMPLAINING THAT MUCH BUT ALSO ACCURATE MY CYNICAL LESBIAN BACKSIDE!

....where was I...

Ah yes. Post-Roman 5th-century Britain is A VERY DIFFERENT SETTING from the random-ass mishmash of “medieval” tropes you people seem to want to throw in. Or ANOTHER IDEA: junk the idea that “King Arthur” is ever going to be a remotely accurately represented historical concept, and just make it lavish, fantastic, magical, dark, and compelling without yoking yourself to the fuckin’ BORING ASS “must add mud and blood and suffering and misogyny for More Realism!” It’s FANTASY, TREAT IT LIKE FANTASY AND NOT HISTORY LIKE “A FAIRYTALE!” HOW ABOUT THAT IDEA?!?! AND MAYBE STOP ACTING LIKE YOU HAVE PRETENSIONS TO “tHe wAy it ReALLy wAs” because we have established YOU DO NOT!!!

(God Game of Thrones is the WORST, and you KNOW they’re doing this trying to be GoT-lite, and I.... /mutters incoherently)

OR MAKE ANY OTHER OF THE ARTHURIAN ROMANCES IF YOU REALLY HAVE TO DO A CAMELOT STORY! THERE ARE LIKE EIGHTY MILLION OF THEM! PICK A SIDE ONE WITH CHARACTERS THAT YOU CAN DO FRESH RATHER THAN THE ARCHETYPES THAT HAVE BEEN DONE TO DEATH!!! ACTUALLY ASK A MEDIEVAL LITERATURE EXPERT AND A MEDIEVAL HISTORIAN FOR ADVICE BEFORE YOU GET THIS FAR AND EMBARRASS YOURSELVES!!! (OR MAYBE SEVERAL OF THEM!!) ACTUALLY ACT LIKE REPRESENTING THE PAST AS A FULL AND COMPLEX AND BEAUTIFUL PLACE AS WELL AS A DARK AND DANGEROUS ONE CAN STRENGTHEN YOUR STORY AND DISPLAY HUMAN EXPERIENCE MORE ACCURATELY! RATHER THAN “HURR DURR DARK AGES” BECAUSE I AM TIRED!!!

TIRED!!!!

...Anyway. I clearly handled this well. Whew.