#one labelled “gay men” that was way longer

[nickbutnodick]

the fact i spent a solid 20 minutes being unfathomably happy because trans men were mentioned in passing but also in an affirming way two(2) times in a three minute skit is probably a sign of some deeper societal issue.

[growingstories]

Danny the feeder (NEW PICTURES)

At 36 years old, Danny was in amazing shape, tall, very handsome and had a big paycheck as a freelance tax consultant. He was a proud gay man and a fitness freak, spending hours in the gym sculpting his physique. However, Danny had a peculiar habit that raised a few eyebrows among his friends.

Danny had a tendency to seek out young, ripped men at gay bars and take them home. But instead of pursuing typical romantic relationships, he would shower them with gifts, cook delicious meals, and pay for everything. He would manipulate them into eating more, making them lazy, and ultimately causing them to gain weight. Once they complained about their newfound weight and planning on losing weight, Danny would break up with them and move on to his next victim.

One day, Danny met Diego, a student from Brazil. Diego fell head over heels for Danny, enticed by not only the great sex but also the lavish meals, gifts, and new clothes. However, as time went on, Diego began to feel lonely and lazy. Danny forbade Diego from going to the gym without him or going out in general. Danny would make sure to keep Diego busy with big meals, Netflix series, expensive gifts and sex, lots of sex. Danny was hitting Diego up and lured him into eating a bit more in return of a blowjob or all the way. Danny would get up early to prepare a big breakfast, after breakfast Diego would be too full and tired to get out of bed which gives Danny time for a good workout. Danny would let Diego stay in bed for days bringing him more food and sex. The only time Diego would be outside was for his classes or to drive from home to a restaurant for a lavish meal combined with lots of booze followed by passionate sex. Danny gave him an unlimited Uber account so Diego wouldn’t have to walk a single step.

Three months into their relationship, Diego found himself ten kilograms heavier, feeling lazy, and having lost his coveted six-pack. Danny, however, had already started shopping for bigger-sized clothes to accommodate Diego's expanding waistline. Diego wanted to eat healthy again and go to the gym to get back in shape, which led to many very heated arguments with Danny. Danny labeled him ungrateful and stopped the cooking and paying.

Diego panicked as he didn’t have any savings left so he apologised and hoped he could sneak in some cardio in his day sometime. Danny started cooking bigger meals and became more controling. He drove Diego everywhere and wanted to know every detail of his day. Diego got teased in classes for his new belly but also running the school stairs up and down became a challenge. One morning after an amazing session of sex and a huge breakfast Danny left Diego alone in bed again for his workout. Diego thought this would be a moment to go for a run and get fit again. First he couldn’t find his workout clothes, so he tried on some of Danny. XL… he used to be a M when he started dating Danny. He tried to close his shoes but his belly was in the way. When he was ready to go out he saw Danny back in the house. Danny was back early because he was horny and wanted a second session, therefor he brought a dozen doughnuts and two big frappucinos. But when seeing Diego in his workout clothes his mood changed and got en evil look in his eye. Diego got scared and awaited Danny’s reaction. Danny ordered him to eat the doughnuts and drinks at once. After the sixth Diego protested. Danny calmly said, I pay so I play. If you don’t like the rules you can leave. Diego realized that this game was pure manipulation so he got up and left.

Back in his dorm, Diego found himself broke, 25kg heavier, out of shape and with clothes that no longer fit him. Diego went into the college gym and started his journey to become his old self again.

Six months passed and Diego felt confident again to move on and decided to visit a gay bar. There, he struck up a conversation with Thomas, a very handsome nerdy guy with a big broad chest and shoulders and big round biceps. He did however have with a bit of a potbelly. It was a fun night but Thomas revealed that he was already in a relationship but promissed to stay in contact as friends.

Curiosity sparked, Diego checked Thomas's Instagram and discovered that Thomas was Danny's new boyfriend! Thomas, too, had fallen victim to Danny's manipulative ways, as evident by his potbelly becoming more prominent with each passing week on social media.

Diego saw that Danny would take Thomas out almost every day, which he wasn’t allowed. Fancy restaurants and bars and big piles of food on every picture. Every week he would see Thomas in new clothes and wear expensive watched and get a bit bigger.

Diego started chatting to Thomas determined to help both himself and Thomas escape from Danny's clutches, Diego told him how he himself was being manipulated to eat more and gain weight. Thomas was in denial first, he claimed that he was very happy and he didnt mind the extra weight as he felt strong and Danny appreciated him for it.

After a few weeks Diego received a call from Thomas that he wanted to meet up. Diego found Thomas nervously eating a big piece of cake. He saw that Thomas gained even more weight.

Thomas explained that he wanted Danny to stop because he had Thomas stand on the scale every day and if he hadn’t gained weight that day he would be locked up in the kitchen until he finished the extra calorie amount. He got scared because he didn’t want to become too fat and lose control over his life.

Diego explained Danny’s routine. Thomas was surprised to hear that Danny would do this to guys. Diego asked how Thomas was allowed to leave the house without him. Thomas told Diego that he had been in in the house for 4 days of not stop eating, Netlfix and sex and that he really needed to get some air and choose his own groceries. So in order to get his daily goal he ate a cake and brought home two more. Danny was disappointed that he left without him and he got home Danny played the victim.

Thomas felt sorry for Danny and gave him another chance, resulting into more eating and control by Danny. Diego concocted a plan and asked Thomas to trust him and do what he would say.

Diego started to flirt with Danny online, showcasing his new and improved body. Even though he never got his six pack back he looked better then ever. Danny, unable to resist the temptation, invited Diego to a restaurant. Danny informed Thomas that he had a business engagement and would be home at 8, while simultaneously Diego instructed Thomas to prepare a sumptuous dinner for himself and Danny.

At the restaurant, Diego ordered large meals, feigning an inability to finish them. Danny, eager to please Diego, gladly polished off the leftovers. Back at home, Thomas prepared an indulgent dinner, but Danny claimed he wasn't hungry. Thomas persisted with his questions of where he was until Danny finally relented and ate to avoid further interrogation.

This pattern continued for several weeks, with Thomas and Diego successfully luring Danny into overeating. Thomas noticed Danny's abs becoming less defined and shared his observations with Diego, confirming that their plan was indeed working. Thomas too, continued to gain weight as Danny kept feeding him snacks and binge watch nights of Netflix. Together, Diego and Thomas initiated phase two.

Diego invited Danny over to his place, ensuring that Thomas could go to the gym while Danny was occupied with him. Thomas prepared a breakfast for Danny upon his return, followed by morning intimacy. Then, as Danny headed off to work, Diego had a big dinner prepared to satiate Danny's ever-growing appetite.

Weeks went by, and Danny expanded larger and larger, becoming an ex-jock with a prominent belly. People at the gym started to make remarks about his weight gain, but he dismissed these comments by claiming that he was bulking up. Still addicted to the attention, the sex, and the food, Danny continued to eat whatever Thomas and Diego served him in exchange for their affection.

Months passed, and Danny's once athletic physique was now unrecognizable. With a big belly and struggling to tie his shoes, Danny found himself helpless and unable to stop. He pleaded with Diego to stop cooking such lavish meals, but Diego shut him down, reminding him to eat his food or there would be no sex. Thomas followed suit, and Danny resigned himself to this new reality. But also Diego and Thomas could’t keep up with the amounts of food they were having. Diego started to grow a belly again and Thomas just continued to grow bigger. It was really urgent to change.

Phase four was the final stage of their plan. Both Thomas and Diego decided to break up with Danny simultaneously, leaving him completely surprised. They told Danny the truth about how Danny had manipulated and mistreated them, using food as a weapon to control their weight. Danny broke down in tears, expressing sincere remorse and apologizing to both of them. Danny had transformed into a blimp of his former self, and he didn't know where to start on his journey toward redemption. It was at this moment that Thomas and Diego, having seen the error of their ways, decided to show compassion and take care of Danny. Despite their tumultuous history, they began to rebuild their friendship, ensuring that Danny remained full and satisfied so that he wouldn't be driven to manipulate and harm others again.

[musicalmoritz]

I talk a lot about characters being exclusively gay or lesbian on here, so I wanted to switch things up for once and talk about some tbhk characters who are most likely bi

Starting off with the most obvious and undeniably most bi-coded character in tbhk (can we even call it coding anymore?? the subtext has become text), we have my boy Kou!! His main love interest is Mitsuba, and in addition to the other characters teasing Kou about his feelings, the two of them have gone on a date together. While it’s true Kou offhandedly said it’s “not a date” (outside of a speech bubble even), AidaIro would not have labeled it that way if they didn’t want people to interpret it as such. They’re also often drawn very romantically together and…c’mon, their story doesn’t make a lot of sense if they’re just friends (in comparison to other male friendships in tbhk like Hanako and Kou or Teru and Akane that DO make sense platonically)

Kou also had a huge crush on Nene for the majority of the manga, and may still like her (he no longer gets flustered when people suggest that he likes her so imo it’s up to interpretation whether or not his feelings have changed). His feelings for Mitsuba don’t discredit his feelings for Nene or vice versa, so it’s safe to assume this man swings both ways. He frequently blushes around Nene and, as aforementioned, used to get very flustered whenever someone teased him about his crush. I believe in the pilot of tbhk he also confessed to her

So as we’ve established, Kou checks off both bi boxes. But what about Nene herself?

Nene’s main love interest is Hanako, but other than that she’s shown to be very boy crazy. She swoons over every man she meets, and dedicates herself to her crushes even when she doesn’t really know them. The sky is blue, the sun rises in the morning, and Nene wants a boyfriend

…Or a girlfriend? If you can’t call what Nene felt towards Sakura a crush, then I don’t know what you would call it. She blushed around her, called her a babe, compared her to a doll, emphasized her beauty, and got so distracted spending time with her that she forgot to stay on guard. This is how Nene acts around all her crushes, dazed and a little stupid. I also think it says a lot that she still seemed awfully friendly with Hanako when he got turned into a girl in ASHK. At the very least I’d say Nene is bi-curious

I bet you can’t tell which Aoi this is about lol. I theoretically could call out Aoi but I feel like it would be slightly more of a reach with her so for now I’m sticking with Akane. His main love interest is Aoi- hell, his whole word is Aoi. He worships the ground she walks on, and their character development is reliant on one another. I fully believe Akane would feel the same way about Aoi if she were a man; it’s not about her gender, it’s about who she is as a person. But that’s only speculation so let’s look at the facts

In the Confession Tree chapter, Akane fell in love with and started dating Lemon. Now, this is purely up to interpretation, but I don’t think a love potion would have the power to change someone’s sexuality, at least not something like the Confession Tree. It’s perfectly fine to disagree with that statement, but my takeaway here was that Lemon and Akane would both be fine with dating men (I would’ve put Lemon on this list but I don’t think he’s shown any interest in women, I do hc him as pan tho)

And lastly, we have Natsuhiko, who would love Sakura regardless of their gender…and who apparently is fine with changing their own gender at the drop of a hat?? Does he have something he wants to tell us??

I could have included more characters, but I wanted to stay semi-realistic here. A lot of people also bring up Hanako flirting with Kou when he got turned into a girl, and I will say he acts very flirty with Kou in general, but I have a hard time deciphering whether they’re just joking the way friends do or if there’s some level of seriousness to it lol. I interpreted it as a friend thing but I’m open to hearing different opinions, I usually headcanon Hanako as bi anyway

I also mentioned Aoi but again, I can’t tell if the way she sometimes gets a little too close to Nene is just girls being girls or if it’s girls liking girls. And I don’t rly count Mei falling in love with her in HKOM as evidence because Aoi didn’t like her back, although it’s reasonable to assume they started dating since they were mentioned to hang out a lot after that. But Aoi/Aoi is still a thing in HKOM so…I don’t know. She could like both ofc (that’s kind of the whole point here) but I didn’t see enough of her liking Mei to come to a definitive conclusion. Aoi definitely gives me sapphic vibes but I didn’t feel like there was enough evidence to put her on the list so for now I’ll leave her as an honorable mention. Then there’s Teru’s weird thing with the Aois but I don’t think anyone can decipher what’s going on there

In conclusion, bi rights

[ravenonice]

I'm sure at least some of you have by now seen ice dancers Gabriella Papadakis and Madison Hubbell skating together:

And let's just get this out of the way: They're STUNNING! Absolutely amazing! And I am beyond excited about what's coming!

But here's what we're NOT going to do:

Especially on Twitter I've been seeing comments like:

"IRL YURI ON ICE!"

"Viktuuri paved the way!"

Or

"Yuuri and Viktor did it first!"

And it's disappointing.

When Skate Canada changed their rules to allow couples of all gender constellations in ice dance and pair skating it was a huge deal! And now that the ISU is allegedly considering following suit and therefore same sex couples maybe being allowed in international competition in the foreseeable future is even more HUGE!

What is happening right now in figure skating and ice dance is revolutionary and a big step forward in a sport that, even though it attracts a lot of lgbtq+ individuals, is still pervaded by homo- and transphobia!

This rule change doesn't just open up the field for homosexual romance stories, it also officially includes non-binary athletes, who are kinda existing in a grey area so far.

Plus, this isn't necessarily an LGBTQ+ issue. Another issue in pairs and ice dance is that is seen as inherently romantic...and audiences and judges hardly accept any other narrative. If you and your partner don't seem like you are madly in love, you don't have any chemistry at all and your presentation is worth hardly anything.

This leaves us with juniors and sibling duos skating routines with sexual narratives (not good) and skaters who are pressured to fit in a mold of what a figure skating/ice dance pair should look like and present as. And it doesn't really matter what they're comfortable with. It's what gets you points from the judges and praise from the audience.

Also there are much more women in the sport than men. This leaves a lot of women who'd like to compete in dance without a partner. Sure, there are solo dance competitions now. But it's not recognised by the ISU yet and also it clearly is not exactly the same as with a partner as things like lifts and partnered dance spins aren't possible.

While this rule change opens up the sport for lgbtq stories, it also helps to open up the sport to a wider range of performances and stories that aren't romantic or sexual in any way.

Putting the label "gay!" on a same sex couple in ice dance and pairs isn't necessarily helping the cause...and I admit that I am guilty here and I need to tone my excitement for that side of it down a little maybe 😅

So please respect the work that people in the sport have put in and the work Gabi and Madi are putting in right now to pave the way for this exciting rule change, and don't ascribe any part in it to Yuuri on Ice, no matter how much it may remind you of that end credit scene of Yuuri and Viktor.

Thank you 🫶🏻

Here's a few links for further reading on why this is a huge step forward that do a much better and more detailed job at explaining this than I do!

[genderqueerdykes]

i've identified as a trans man and aroace/mlm for about 2 years. but i very recently realised i'm more non binary/agender than a trans man. and now for a few days i've been thinking i might be a lesbian. thinking of myself as an enby lesbian feels right but i feel like i'm not "allowed" to be one since i thought of myself so differently not too long ago. i could use some advice/words of encouragement?

sure!

identity isn't static, as we age, our understanding of our identities expands and becomes more complex. everyone adopts a label or identity at one point that they don't identify with forever. you do not have the same ideas about your gender as you did as a toddler, your perception of your gender and identity are changing because you are changing!

the past is exactly that: the past. at that point in time, that felt right to you, and who is to say that those weren't legitimate feelings at that time? even if you may not identify that way down the road, it doesn't mean that how you felt, in that moment, was illegitimate. you can't predict what the future holds, you can't predict how you're going to feel tomorrow, let alone months and years from now

i also wanted to say that it's totally fine to identify as gay and a lesbian at the same time, if you feel that would fit you! nonbinary and agender people fit under the gay and lesbian umbrellas just fine. however if you feel as though you are no longer attracted to men in a gay way, that's totally fine! most queer people identify as straight and/or cis for a long time before questioning and realizing they're not. straight and cis are considered the default in our modern societies, so almost everyone goes through a drastic change when they realize they're not straight and/or cis. almost everyone makes that transitional step in their journey, going from one radically different identity to another. it doesn't mean those people have illegitimate identities!

you're allowed to question, grow, and change. everyone experiences changes in their hobbies, interests, identities and sense of self. aging provides us perspective we may not have had before. sometimes that first identity that we adopt can act as a stepping stone, or a situation where we can tell whether or not those feelings are truly for us. it's okay to experiment, too- you can't know if you are or like something 100% until you've tried it. it's okay for you to be unsure!

i hope that helps somewhat, please feel free to ask any more questions you may have, i'm happy to help!

[lover-of-mine]

I just saw someone genuinely argue "as a Buddie shipper" (which I don't believe) that Buddie shouldn't happen because: their close friendship is too important, the text of the show doesn't support Eddie being gay the way it supports Buck being bi, Eddie is "not ready", and that Ryan Guzman plays Eddie "too straight" to be able to pull off acting Buddie and this feels like to me someone who doesn't actually ship Buddie but is claiming to cause they think it'll give them more credibility in criticizing it.

1) if I see one more argument about how their close male friendship is too important because of toxic masculinity and that making it romantic would ruin it I'm going to lose my marbles because this is the dumbest take. TV is FULL of vulnerable platonic male friendships - 9-1-1 is FULL of them. Also them becoming romantic does not mean they would no longer be friends.

2) So we're just pretending queer-coding doesn't exist now okay.

3) I'm sick to death of the argument of Eddie not being ready. When is he allowed to be ready??? Does he have to suffer for a decade before he's allowed to figure things out??

4) They have to be watching the show with their eyes closed to think Ryan Guzman who has been playing Eddie "Heart Eyes" Diaz for 6 seasons couldn't pull off Buddie.

I'm gonna talk about all points, but the Eddie is too straight thing drives me INSANE. Four months ago, if I said "oh, Eddie is straight, no way buddie is happening" I would have whole essays on how he's gay thrown my way before I hit post. We're talking about a character who had panic attacks about his girlfriend. Who this season had literal erectile dysfunction with another girlfriend. There is no heterosexual explanation for the way Eddie was looking at Buck during the poker game. That man looks at Buck like he's the sun, the sky, the stars, and the moon. Like Buck is somehow the best thing he ever laid eyes on. Yeah, there are threads to pull. With Buck. We only need Eddie to be into one man. And boy, do we have threads to pull there. And honestly, if you wanna see Ryan play painfully straight men, go watch anything else in his filmography, that man knows how to act painfully straight. It's not what he's doing with Eddie. This narrative that Ryan is somehow sabotaging buddie's chances is so beyond ridiculous. Personally, I don't subscribe to Eddie being strictly gay, but I legit don't care anymore as long as he's out of the closet soon give him whatever label, but even if there weren't threads to pull to make it seem like Eddie is in love with Buck, and there are a lot of them, this idea that Eddie being gay is only valid if he's a stereotypical gay man from the beginning is NUTS. Why does gay have to look a specific way to be valid for y'all? This is such a harmful point of view. You want rep but it needs to fit in this one specific box or else it's not valid? What is wrong with you?

The male friendship thing, please tell me where are we lacking vulnerable male friendships in media? Media is made of male friendships. Everything everywhere is about male characters. And Buck and Eddie dating would not negate their friendship all of a sudden. Yall do realize you're supposed to like the person you're dating, right? Isn't literally everyone on the planet telling everyone to marry their best friend? How would that ruin their friendship? It just makes them a stronger couple because they have that foundation. And there literally isn't a show or movie that had two guy best friends who weren't introduced as queer who started dating. Literally, does not exist in media, how would losing exactly one friendship suddenly destroy male friendship representation everywhere? And we weren't even be losing the friendship, the friendship is gonna be a core part of buddie forever. You want strong male friendships? Go watch literally anything else. Every procedural ever has two guy best friends. Go watch house, any of the ncis, h50, the one chicago shows, hell, go watch lord of the rings or something, there are so many male friendships in media. No one is gonna die if Buck and Eddie kiss.

And the whole Eddie not being ready thing. Are we watching the same show? The show where madney started while Maddie was running for her life or bathena started while Bobby was actively suicidal? Or that even henren was presented to us when Hen cheated? Buck's own definition of love is "So every day is the best day ever. Is that really love? Right? Shouldn't it be when you're at your worst, they're at their worst, you have every reason to give up, and you still decide you want to try again?" loving someone at their lowest is the definition of love for that show. It's working through the bad to appreciate the good. And again, this idea that someone needs to be healed to be worthy of love is fucked UP. Eddie is never gonna be fully healed. Recovery isn't linear and he has ptsd. He will forever grieve Shannon. Does that mean he's never gonna be allowed to be loved because he is a human being who has been through hell? What does it take for someone to be "ready for love", huh? What's the threshold here? He was in a helicopter that was shot down and got shot 3 times, he was abandoned by a wife he later was forced to watch die, he was shot at again in broad daylight, he watched his best friend die and had to save him, his own parents just stole his kid. What does he have to do to prove that he is worthy of love, how does he have to handle all that? What I'm getting here is that someone who's been through shit can't be loved, is that the message we're sending? Really? No one seriously wants Buck and Eddie to open season 8 dating, but they are partners and best friends and they don't have to have everything figured out before they go there, they can figure it out together, they do it together anyway. Why can't they take that step and figure things out as a couple? Jesus.

[howlingday]

(demi-arkos) jaune and Ren have a philosophical debate about the deepest of topics.

fellas, is it gay to sleep with women?

"So, you don't believe being gay is a thing?"

"Well, I wouldn't say it like that." Jaune said, becoming a bit flush as he brought his teacup to his lips. He carefully lifted the mask with a thumb as his other hand guided his tea to his lips. After nursing a few sips from the hot drink, he set the cup down. "Sorry." Ren held up a hand. "Anyway, it's more like instead of defining a person by a singular label can be pretty restricting. So restricting that the idea of people being multi-faceted less and less important to bear in mind."

"Hee hee..." Nora giggled. "Bear."

"Like, for example, my sister is living with her girlfriend in Argus. She's thinking about them getting married. Does that mean she's a lesbian, or that she's Terra-sexual?"

"Terra-sexual?" Ren quirked his brow.

"My sister's girlfriend's name is Terra."

"Ah."

"Anyway, what happens if things don't work out?" Jaune held his cup and rapped his knuckle on the wooden table. "Would my sister become a lesbian again, or would she suddenly develop an interest in men and become bisexual? Or maybe she finds she's less interested in people by their genders and sexes and becomes pansexual?"

"Assuming that these things are a choice at all."

"R-Right." Jaune flushed again, suddenly realizing how close-minded his open-minded argument was becoming.

"Hm." Ren took a drink of his tea. A proper drink, one that lasted longer than a few sips and nurses. He set the cup down, perfectly in place where he lifted it. "I think I understand what you're trying to say. People, like you said, are multi-faceted, and assigning labels could do more harm than good for both yourself and the people around you."

"Exactly!" Jaune beamed from under his facemask. Taking his cup, he lifted up the cloth over his mouth. He took a few more sips this time. It had become cooler since they spoke.

"If you don't mind my asking, would you identify yourself?"

Jaune swallowed his tea. This wasn't a surprising question, so he had no reason to be shocked. He set his cup and his mask down. Closing his eyes, he hummed and twisted his head this way and that. From behind Ren, Nora did the same as her leader. After another moment of thought, he nodded.

"I'm a lover."

"A lover?" Ren quirked his brow again. "And who do you love?"

"Well, I love everyone." Jaune said plainly. "More physically and emotionally than any label can define me. The only difference, really, is the degree of love I have."

"What about Cardin?" Nora asked.

"It's a sort of fraternal rivalry love." Jaune answered.

"What about me and Renny?"

"Familiarly platonic. Like you're my sisters." He chuckled. "No offense, Ren."

"None taken."

"Okay, and what about..."

"I'm back." Pyrrha called as she entered the room, a towel covering the nape of her neck. She was down in the training room, working out alone, while her team enjoyed their resting day. Well, resting day for Ren and Jaune. Nora seemed to work on her own schedule with her own energy. "Did I miss any...?"

"What about Pyrrha?" Nora bounced on her knees. "How do you love Pyrrha?!"

"Huh?!" Pyrrha balked.

Jaune was quiet. Looking to Pyrrha, his brows shifted this way and that. She was his partner, so similar to his other teammates. But it went deeper than that, didn't it? After all, she unlocked his aura. She helps him train his body to fight. She continues to be his best friend and confidant. He could easily answer this question, but his tongue became lead and his throat a husk.

"I'm... not sure..." He answered, though he wasn't sure how honest it sounded.

"Not... sure?" Pyrrha repeated.

"I think he's saying you're ugly." Nora whispered to Pyrrha, though it was loud enough for Team RWBY across the hall to hear.

[threewaywithdelusion]

Roy/Keeley/Jamie Fic Snippet

This is an except from a longer fic I'm writing. The set up is that at this point Roy, Keeley, and Jamie are doing V-shaped polyamory because Roy refuses to date Jamie while he's his coach. They're all aware of their feelings for each other though. Takes places post S3.

October brought with it the Rainbow Laces Campaign. A decade in, it was fairly uncontroversial to wear rainbow laces for two weekends in October to show support for the LGBTQ+ community. Roy admired the goals of the campaign, and he thought it had made some progress. There was even a player out in the Championship League. 

But Roy also knew that locker room culture was hard to change. The homophobic jokes at Richmond hadn’t stopped until Colin had come out and this was their first Rainbow Laces Campaign since. 

The lads seemed extra determined to do it right this year, in a show of solidarity for Colin. 

Every single player had committed to wearing the rainbow laces and Isaac’s captain armband was rainbow as well. Rebecca had set a policy that any homophobic slurs would get a fan immediately tossed out from the stands. 

All the rainbow in his face everywhere he looked made Roy think about his own sexuality. It wasn’t something he’d given a lot of thought throughout his life. The people he’d found attractive had been mostly women and while he’d occasionally found men alluring as well, he simply hadn’t acted on it because of football. It hadn’t been particularly hard — not when there were so many beautiful women looking to date or shag a famous footballer. Then men he’d found attractive had been few and far between and he’d never had an emotional connection with any of them, so it had never been anything worse pursuing. 

Until Jamie. 

The week before Rainbow Laces kicked off, Roy cooked dinner for the three of them. They were in the kitchen, Roy at the stove, Keeley at her computer working on promo for the team, and Jamie sitting on the counter and looking pretty. 

“I talked to Colin,” Keeley said. “He doesn’t want us to even hint at having a gay player on the team. So all of the Richmond Rainbow Laces promo has to talk about the queer community generally, so no one will point fingers.”

Roy hummed as he checked on the potatoes in the oven, extra cheesy the way Keeley liked. 

“But he’s not the only gay player on the team,” Jamie said. 

Roy turned around. 

Jamie was frowning at Keeley, who closed her laptop to give him her full attention. 

“But Colin doesn’t know that, does he, babe?”

“I suppose not,” Jamie said, looking torn. “I know Jake Daniels is out in the Championship League and everyone does all this rainbow shit every year. I just. I remember being a little lad and getting my first crush on a boy and thinking it was the worst thing in the world because if anyone found out, I would never get to play football. Not like this. Not at this level.”

Oh. 

Roy hadn’t realized that sexuality was such a big deal for Jamie. He’d figured Jamie was like Roy, a bloke who’d gone through life mostly without caring about finding boys attractive or what that said about him. 

But this was part of Jamie. This secrecy and shame and fear was part of what had shaped him into the man he was. 

“What are you?” Roy asked gracelessly.

Jamie frowned. “What?”

“You said gay, to Keeley,” Roy said. “But I just realized I’ve never asked. What are you?”

“I’m bisexual,” Jamie said slowly, looking surprised. “Like Keeley. Aren’t you?”

Roy grunted and shrugged. 

“But you like chicks?” Jamie asked. 

Roy nodded. 

“And you like blokes?”

“Some blokes,” Roy said. 

Jamie planted his hands on the counter behind him, leaning back and spreading his legs invitingly. He tilted his chin up like a dick and smirked. “Oh, yeah? What kind of blokes get you going?”

“You’re a prick,” Roy said, turning back to the stove. 

Keeley laughed, bright and loud, and Roy basked in the sound of her joy.

“So you don’t have a label?” Jamie asked. 

Roy kept facing the stove. “No. It never really mattered to me.”

“What didn’t?” Keeley asked. “Labels? Or your sexuality?”

“My sexuality,” Roy said uncomfortably. “I never felt like it defined me.”

“But wasn’t it scary, like?” Jamie asked. “Being a gay footballer?”

“I never felt like a gay footballer,” Roy said honestly. “I just felt like… Roy Kent, who occasionally checks out bloke’s arses.”

“A very straight thing to do,” Keeley says imperiously. Then, “You don’t need to label yourself, babe.”

The oven timer beeped and Roy pulled the potatoes out and set them on the stovetop to cool while he finished with the chicken. It was almost done, golden brown on both sides. 

“It matters to me,” Jamie said, voice small. 

Roy heard movement behind him and when he peeked over his shoulder he saw that Keeley had moved to stand between Jamie’s legs. 

“And that’s okay too,” she said. 

Roy grunted in agreement. 

He knew Keeley had realized her sexuality young and had dated women for a large portion of her twenties. He knew she was open about it, both at Richmond and to the few magazines that had asked. She’d always seemed so settled about being bisexual, like it wasn’t a big deal but also wasn’t a part of her worth hiding. When she’d started dating Jack, Roy had been hurt to see Keeley with someone else but he hadn’t been at all surprised to see her with a woman. 

He couldn’t imagine Jamie’s experience growing up bisexual. His mum would probably have been fine with it, if he’d told her, but Jamie’s dad would have hurt him if he knew. Jamie had carried ideas about toughness and masculinity with him to his first year at Richmond and he’d been an absolute prick. But it must have hurt a lot before he learned to harden himself against the pain. It must have hurt to think that the thing you loved most in the world wouldn’t love you back if you showed who you truly were. 

Roy imagined a young Jamie laying in his childhood bedroom wishing to be different and it made his heart hurt. 

Then Jamie’s words came to him: I hung a picture of her on my wall, didn’t I?

He thought of the poster of Keeley holding two footballs in front of her chest, hung right next to a poster of a much younger, much hairier Roy. 

He thought of Jamie’s reluctance to answer Keeley’s question about his first celebrity crush and the way he’d only answered once Keeley had stuck the word “woman” in the question. 

“Holy fucking shit,” Roy said. He turned around and and pointed at Jamie. “Who was your first celebrity crush?”

Jamie gave him a crooked grin, while Keeley hid her laugh against the skin of Jamie’s forearm. “Finally figured that out, did you grandad?��

“Who was your first celebrity crush?” Roy asked, stalking closer. Roy’s kitchen was pretty big, but he still somehow found himself pressed against Keeley between Jamie’s legs, Jamie grinning cockily down at both of them. 

“Well, I hung a picture of him on my wall, didn’t I?” Jamie asked, smirking. 

“Fuck,” Roy said. 

He’d been Jamie’s first celebrity crush. 

It was slightly weird, being reminded how much older he was than Jamie. But it also made him immensely aware of the scant centimeters between his hips and the insides of Jamie’s thighs. Made him feel the electricity arcing between them. 

“Oh, wow, you both have a praise kink,” Keeley said. 

It broke the spell. 

“What the fuck?” Roy demanded. “I don’t have a praise kink.”

“Your pupils got absolutely massive when Jamie said he masturbated to your poster on his wall,” Keeley said. 

“Oi! I didn’t say that.” Jamie blushed a pretty shade of pink and Keeley gave Roy a conspiratorial wink. 

“But it’s true,” she said, still instigating shit. She leaned in close enough that her lips brushed Roy’s ear then said, loud enough for Jamie to hear, “So’s the praise kink.”

Roy choked on his own saliva and almost missed the sound of Jamie’s whine. 

Keeley grinned wickedly. “I think dinner’s ready, don’t you?”

She pushed Roy back and casually sauntered from between Jamie’s legs, heading to the table. 

Roy looked at Jamie, whose eyes trailed after Keeley before meeting Roy’s. 

“She’s trying to kill us,” Jamie said. 

“Yeah,” Roy said. 

Five minutes later they were seated at the table and Roy’s hard-on had mostly gone down. Jamie had also been squirming in his seat the first few minutes but Keeley ate like she was absolutely unaffected. 

Roy knew she was having fun fucking with them, but he was impressed by her acting chops. He could never have acted that casual while this turned on. All he could see was Jamie’s red bitten lips and the hickey on Keeley’s breast just barely peeking out above her collar.

“You have to talk to Colin,” Keeley said, drawing Roy’s attention back to the conversation. 

“What?” Jamie asked. 

“If you want to say someone on the team is gay, you have to talk to Colin. Even if you’re only hinting at yourself, the media will speculate and every single player on the team will get scrutinized. Including Colin, who already said he doesn’t want the attention.”

Jamie nodded a few times. “What do I do if he says no?”

“I think you already know the answer to that, Jamie,” Keeley said. 

“Yeah,” Jamie said, looking dejected. 

***

The next day at training, Roy saw Jamie drag Colin into the boot room. They were in there a long time and Roy had to fight the urge to burst in and see what was going on. He knew Colin wasn’t going to react badly or hurt Jamie, but Roy couldn’t stand the idea of Jamie in there alone. 

A long twenty minutes later, Colin came out of the boot room with a dazed smile on his face. 

Roy pushed his way inside and found Jamie sitting on the bench, looking shell-shocked and disappointed. 

Roy took a seat next to Jamie and pulled Jamie’s head into his shoulder. Jamie curled into him, wrapping an arm around Roy’s waist. 

“He said no?”

“He said no.”

***

That weekend they played Newcastle and every player wore rainbow laces. At the post-game press conference, Roy said generic things about supporting the LGBTQ community. 

They didn’t mention a gay player on the team. 

***

The next weekend, they were playing Arsenal. Right before the match, Keeley came into the locker room, one hand half-heartedly over her eyes as she called out a warning that she was walking in. 

Roy, standing at the whiteboard with Beard and Nate, watched as she beelined straight for Jamie and threw something in his lap. When Jamie held it up, Roy saw that it was shoelaces in pink, purple, and blue. 

Jamie gave Keeley a look of wide-eyed panic and confusion.

The whole team looked on as Keeley smiled and said, “To support your bisexual girlfriend.”

Jamie’s grin was a slow thing, unfurling until it occupied his whole face. He tugged Keeley down, giving her a dirty kiss. 

“You do not have to stick your tongue down her throat in front of everyone,” Jan Maas complained. 

Keeley and Jamie flipped Jan Maas off in synchronicity. 

“Oi, Tartt!” Roy yelled. “No being a prick without the signal.”

“Yes, Coach,” Jamie said, eyes shining. He immediately started unlacing his boots so he could switch to the bi laces. 

Keeley came over to Roy, smiling. He couldn’t help but smile at the look of pride on her face and the smile on Jamie’s and he heard Colin mutter, “his face knows how to do that?”

“And for you,” Keeley said, pulling a plastic whistle on a pink, purple, and blue lanyard out of her pocket. “So they don’t say Jamie’s the only boyfriend who supports me.”

Roy took the whistle. “I hope you don’t expect me to blow this thing.”

“That’s what she said!” shouted one of the lads. 

“I would never,” Keeley said, smiling. She pulled him into a kiss as well, before announcing to the room as a whole, “Good luck boys! I’ll be cheering you on from Rebecca’s box.”

As soon as she left, everyone started talking at once. 

Roy made eye contact with Jamie and he could tell that they were both thinking the same thing. I love her so much. 

Then Colin drew Jamie’s attention, gesturing at the shoelaces with a tentative smile, and the moment was gone. 

[r0semaryt3a]

Sk8 identity headcannons so I have something to put on my Masterlist!

Reki Kyan

He/him

Bisexual (male pref but doesn’t label it)

Didn’t actually know that being bi existed for years, he always thought he’d lose attraction for one of them when he grew up.

It was Joe who really hammered home “you’re allowed to like both!?” And the lad’s been loud and proud ever since

Langa Hasegawa

He/they

Homosexual

Nanako and Oliver are 100% bi4bi so this guy was raised with full support.

He’s never been particularly picky on what people use for them so if someone does just choose to stick to one set of pronouns he probably won’t correct them

Is the only one out of the kid trio to have had a boyfriend (or any relationship) and have it last longer than one month

Miya Chinen

He/they

Pansexual

He was scared to come out to his parents but after he did they were very supportive and did that cheesy parent thing of buying him a bunch of pan flag stuff

One of these pan flag things was a cat shaped sticker that he has stuck to his phone case

He’ll never admit it but he really appreciated that shopping day out with his mum and dad

Hiromi Higa/Shadow

They/them

Likes women

They are incredibly forward about their identity and flaunt the nb flag in their S outfit even having a series of firecrackers in the flag’s colours

Kojiro Nanjo/Joe

He/him

Bisexual (this one is pretty much cannon)

Has a preference for effeminate people. Not in like a preference for women way but in a he’ll date anyone but if you look effeminate or androgynous your chances skyrocket

Supportive grandma (doesn’t speak to the rest of his family much)

Despite his front of talking around and flirting with mainly anyone he sees. He’s never actually had a one night stand and has even dated some of the people he’s flirted with (the relationships lasted surprisingly long)

Kaoru sakurayashiki/Cherry

He/him

Homosexual

Has two mums (through adoption)

There’s nothing really special about how he fronts his identity or came to understand it but he does have some funny stories

Once a female coworker was subtly hinting to liking him and the signs just flew over his head to the point it took her asking him on an date for him to realise (he rejected her ‘gently’)

After this fiasco he actually wrote “fall in love with yourself first” in the colours of the gay flag on his office wall

Another story comes from when he had a boyfriend in school, they were sat on the roof drinking when one of his mothers came out and saw them. His boyfriend started freaking out scared she was homophobic when she shouted “honey come look at this!” In actuality another woman came out the house and they gave Kaoru an earful on drinking whilst in school

His poor boyfriend was so panicked

Ainosuke Shindo/Adam

She/they/he

Adam does not care how they are seen, though she tends to prefer effeminate pronouns (but mainly used whilst in S due to their aunts) it’s a place that she can be whoever she wants without him having to worry about the public eye

Him finding out about the fact she likes to be seen as She/the/he was actually due to a slip up on Tadashi’s part when he accidentally referred to Adam as ma’am and it just set something off in them

Bisexual (male pref)

Adam honestly only really cares if a person is loyal, will stand beside him and can indulge in her hobbies but still tends to gravitate towards men

His aunts don’t know

His relationship with Kaoru in high school was actually rather sweet up until it ended

Tadashi Kikuchi/Snake

He/it

Homosexual

His dad was also gay and his mother was a lesbian (they got together as a sort of “we’ll date publicly and can see our actual partners in secret”)

Found out he was gay when he got with a girl and was sick when he got home over the mere thought of it (he’s still good friends with her to this day though)

Kiriko Kamata

She/her

Lesbian

Once thought she was bi (was surprisingly because of how obsessed she was with the Shindo case) but quickly realised it was indeed just a professional fixation

Has a girlfriend who’s currently in Tokyo

Is fantastic at romance advice

Was the lesbian/bi awakening of several of her female coworkers

Oka Shokichi

He/him

Aromantic - falls into the demi category

Nothing much else to add he’s rather vanilla

[mxjackparker]

Online roleplayers are very often trans. Here are some transmasculine perspectives on online roleplay and how it can be useful for gender exploration!

I played a lot of male characters when I was younger since I couldn't be seen that way in real life. Now I mostly play male characters, but I'm more comfortable playing characters of any gender since I'm very socially male now. Playing a female character no longer feels like a stab to the gut.

"I nearly always RPed as guys -- at first because the fandom I first RPed in was mostly male characters, but even afterwards when I would RP with OCs they'd usually be men. Now that I've realized I'm NB and transmasc, I think I might have been exploring gender back then (especially since this was combined with me identifying more with male characters ever since I was a kid)."

I roleplayed as Gilgamesh, the Master, and other male characters before I came to terms with being a trans man, also roleplaying helped me be more okay with being gay or exploring gay scenarios before I could picture myself as a man.

"By being able to play men I was able to explore the idea of being something other than a girl for a bit before I realized I wasn't a girl at all. After that, it was often one of the only places I could act like I was anything but a girl. It's also allowed me to explore transmasculine identities, desire surrounding them, and general queer desire in ways I often could not express in my day to day life due to being mostly-closeted."

"Before I knew for certain that I was trans, I used to roleplay as men to "test the waters" as it were. I only roleplayed one woman and it made me uncomfortable so this didn't last long."

I often use roleplay to act out my male based fantasies in order to cope with my dysphoria, specifically my genital dysphoria. I learned that I could only feel satisfied sexually by fantasizing about two men, then learned that was because I AM a man. Funny.

A lot of the transmasculine people I spoke to were very worried about being labelled a fetishizer of gay men. They often carried guilt with them about their roleplaying habits, feeling as though it was wrong to portray themselves as boys or men online without disclosing their assigned sex.

Once they lost this shame about the practice, transmasculine people were much more comfortable and found roleplay to be a fulfilling way to be viewed as a man without question.

"I used to feel so guilty that I was “tricking people” for so long as I used a male persona online, but I realised this was my transness showing at an early age!"

"Roleplaying was a freeing experience for me as a closeted trans man because I was able to express my desire to be a man without facing any social consequences."

To hear from a range of roleplayers of all genders about their experiences in roleplay, highlighting trans experiences in general, check out OOC: Exploring Online Fandom Roleplay and support the project!

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

Thoughts on the split attraction model? I find this usually a topic for bisexuals. I guess I’m technically a bisexual woman even though I’m mostly sexually attracted to women but not really romantically atttacted to them. I really like masculine people though doesn’t matter if it’s a man or woman. Due to preferring masculinity, I tend to vibrate more toward men but then I feel like a fake bisexual.

Unlike most of the "asexuality spectrum", I think split attraction is real, but mostly down to personal preferences and societal/cultural factors. Like me, for instance, I'm technically bisexual because I'm attracted to both men and women, but romantically and sexually I'm more compatible with men, so I just use gay as a shorthand and it works. But even though I could get into a romantic relationship with a women if me and my husband ever divorced, I don't think I ever would, because what I'm looking for in a relationship is more easily found with men.

Labels are a good starting point, but they're only useful as long as the label helps you figure yourself out. There's no such thing as a "good bisexual" or a "bad bisexual" because being bisexual just means you're attracted to both genders. A fake bisexual would be someone lying about being attracted to both genders. That's not you. When a label starts holding you back because you feel like you need to fit yourself to the label instead of using the label to describe you, then it might be time to drop the label because it's no longer useful. It's just creating confusion and making you feel like you're not living up to someone else's idea of what a bisexual should be. You don't need to do that. No one needs to do that. You already are what you are. If we really are all "born this way", no actions you take can change that. No confusion can change that. The only thing you need to do is find out what label you're most comfortable with and what gets across the information about yourself you want to quickly and concisely share with others. That may continue to be bisexual. It may end up being straight if you marry a man and don't want to bother explaining to other people "Well, actually I'm this, but.." It could end up being something else. You could end up just saying "Fuck labels, I'm me and that's what matters most." But you're not a fake bisexual. You can't be, because the attraction to both genders is there.

[cloudycleric]

tl;dr for my bi vs gay mike truthers video

basically, summarized, through my own research ive concluded... mike wheeler is....

unlabeled!!

i don't think the whole bi vs gay mike truthers thing needs to be a thing. like i dont get why it was ever as controversial as it was. you can very much interpret the first few seasons of stranger things through the lens that mike wheeler did in fact have a crush on el. or, you can support the theory that neither of them had a crush on each other, but mike felt a sort of comp-het impulse to have a crush on el. whichever theory you support is fine.

but, (if you believe this) just because mike never had a crush on el doesn't mean he can't be bisexual, mike could very well be gay as well & only experience attraction to men, but honestly, who cares! i don't think we need to force a label onto mike if the show doesn't want to give him one (yet, if they do in s5, i will update this).

being a bi mike truther doesn't erase mike's obvious queerness, & being a gay mike truther doesn't make you biphobic. it's just not how it works. at the end of the day, mike wheeler is queer in some way shape or form whether he chooses to identify as gay, bisexual, unlabeled, or whatever the fuck he wants.

i'm learning different styles of literary theory & criticism in my english classes right now, & i think something that they said in the class about criticism & theory about writing (& various forms of media, it doesn't just have to apply to writing) is that criticism & theory helps us see stories & interpret things in an infinite number of ways, & i think that's really nice. the only problem is when people start declaring their theories as true.

i've fallen into this, i'm sure a lot of bylers have, into the over analysis train. as much as i love theorizing about byler, looking at the cinematography & writing & editing & lighting & whatever, at the end of the day, we're all just theorizing based on the evidence that is presented to us. just because a light shines on will doesn't necessarily mean that mike sees him as his sunshine & true love, but we can definitely theorize that that's what it means! & after byler is confirmed canon in s5, (or god forbid it's not), we can finally have a resting answer to our theories. but again, a story is a story, you can still have theories about it even if the show is over.

it's your choice whether or not you want bi/gay mike truthers to interact with your page, it's your social media experience & you should be able to tailor it to how you see fit. the only thing i get upset about is the fighting over it. i just think the whole super heated debate about it is a bit silly.

anyway, that's my two cents. this was longer than what i thought it was gonna be & honestly more comprehensive than the video, so. i hope this makes sense. if you're a gay mike truther, you're valid. if you're a bi mike truther, you're valid. if you're an unlabeled mike truther, your valid. if you're using your analysis & theories as facts & as justification to be mean to others over the internet, you are in fact NOT valid.

[rollercoasterwords]

I don’t have anyone else to ask, so here I am. What do you think about the term “boy lesbian” ? I just saw a TikTok where a person said they were a boy lesbian not a woman lesbian? I got the same vibe from that as when a lot of people on TikTok tried to say identifying as lesbian was excluding an it should be called non men loving non men?

well my short answer is that i think boy lesbians are cool + sexy + i wish they would all come over 2 my house so we could kiss w tongue <3 however i am sensing from ur message that this is perhaps a concept that u are a bit wary or skeptical about (? might be reading tone incorrectly but that is the vibe i'm getting lol) so i will put a longer answer under the cut:

so i feel like what you're asking when you say "what do you think about this" is essentially "do you think people should be able to call themselves 'boy lesbians'" which. is a source of online discourse that i typically try to avoid because i think discourse about who's "allowed" to identify a certain way in the queer community is basically pointless and does more harm than good. like, at the end of the day, there's really no use in policing who's "allowed" to call themselves what, because people can literally identify themselves however they want and you can't control that, because identity is an inherently personal and subjective experience. and so anytime people do start trying to strictly police identity + draw clear boundaries around who's "allowed" to use which labels, usually the result is just alienating and ostracizing other queer people who we should be in community with, as we share overlapping political struggles.

but. looking specifically at the term "boy lesbian" (and terms like it). i know a lot of people immediately get up in arms going "the whole point of lesbian is that there's NO BOYS!!!!!" but. personally i do not think that's true. every label currently used by the queer community is historically and contextually specific; most labels like 'gay' 'lesbian' and 'trans' are umbrella terms that include broad and varied communities of people who do not all share exactly the same identities or experiences. and the label 'lesbian' as an umbrella term has not always been used + conceptualized historically the way it's used today; it has also not always been 'exclusively women who aren't attracted to men' or whatever other definition people try to claim. many lesbians, especially gender nonconforming lesbians, have complex + nuanced + fraught relationships to gender + womanhood, and there has specifically always been a lot of overlap in (using today's terms) transmasculine and lesbian communities. leslie feinberg's stone butch blues comes immediately to mind as one example of lesbian experience that does not align simply or perfectly with womanhood and is much more nebulously transmasculine. at the end of the day, it's impossible to draw strict definitional boundaries around umbrella terms like "lesbian," because to do so will always inevitably fail to account for certain people who do identify with the term--and what right does anyone have to tell someone else that their personal experience of identity isn't "allowed?"

like - defining lesbianism as either centered around womanhood or positioned against manhood both inevitably devolve into gender essentialism. if you say "lesbians are women who love women," that requires you to provide a strict definition of "woman," something that is essentially impossible without resorting to gender essentialism. if you say "lesbians are nonmen who love nonmen," then you run into the same problem with defining "men." this is because both "men" and "women" are also historically + contextually specific umbrella terms used to define social categories of people, and not some sort of pre-existing inherent natural identities.

so then you might be saying--but wait a second, if all these labels are so fluid and nonspecific and personally defined, then what's the use of labeling anything!!! aren't you just saying that none of it means anything?!

no, not at all! what i'm saying here is that trying to draw strict boundaries around labels that have to do with gender + sexuality is at best pointless and at worst harmful, because gender and sexuality are inherently personal experiences and you can't police someone's own sense of self, nor should you try to. but there are three areas where labels are useful and do matter:

1 - personal value

labels are useful for individuals trying to understand themselves and how they relate to the world. people can find comfort or joy or simple understanding by labeling themselves in relation to the world around them; this sense of labeling is deeply personal and up to each individual in terms of how/to what extent they want to partake in it

2 - community

umbrella terms like "woman" "lesbian" "man" "trans" etc are all useful in socially specific contexts for identifying shared experiences + building community. if i say to someone "i'm a lesbian," and they say "oh i'm a lesbian too," i'm not going to assume that we have the exact same experiences of gender + sexuality that fit some made-up set of rules, but i am going to recognize that this person has certain experiences which overlap with my own, and we can build a community around those experiences. this is the way that basically any label works in a social context--if i say "i'm american" and someone else says "oh me too," i wouldn't just assume that we've had the exact same "american" experiences, because america is a vast country with a huge diversity of people + lifestyles + environments etc etc, y'know? social labels like these are useful for identifying broad overlap in experiences, but because they encompass such broad groups of people it's silly to try and make strict rules about who's "allowed" in the group--especially if your goal is to build community

3 - identifying + naming political struggles + oppression

this follows along the same lines as point 2 -- basically, most queer labels function as umbrella terms meant to bring together people of varied experiences + backgrounds who share common sites of oppression + common political struggles. like, historically, this has been the center of queer community-building--the fact that we are all being oppressed by the same people in overlapping ways. when i tell you "i'm a lesbian," that sentence does not tell you all that much about my own, individual, personal experience of gender. but it does tell you a lot about how i am politically positioned in the world and the kinds of political struggles i might face, and that's what makes that label so socially meaningful. like, the purpose of these labels is not to give everybody insight to the nuances of personal identity; it's to build community + identify our shared struggles with each other.

and i think one reason this discourse gets so heated in online spaces is that people get really angry about the idea of, like, "well what if someone calls themself a lesbian to infiltrate lesbian spaces!!!" which. i mean a lot of that fearmongering is rooted in transphobia quite honestly, but. at the end of the day, if someone is identifying themself as a lesbian, i'm going to assume that they have a good personal reason for doing so, and what matters to me will be knowing that we share a political struggle. i trust that if i encounter someone who's just trolling and "pretending" to be a lesbian or whatever i'll be able to recognize it and just....choose not to interact with that person. but honestly i don't even really think that actually happens--like i said, i think a lot of the fear that drives people to try and create strict definitional boundaries around the term "lesbian" is rooted in transphobia.

and i think something else driving a lot of this online discourse surrounding queer labels is like....this emphasis on identity labels as primarily a personal identifier rather than identity labels as primarily a community-building tool. like, there seems to be an emphasis particularly in online spaces + amongst certain groups of queer people to really want to micromanage identity + create specific rules + definition for each label so that, like, you're getting as much personal information as possible about someone who tells you that label, because you know they're following these detailed rules. but like. a) you truly are not entitled to personal information about anyone's individual experience of gender and/or sexuality and b) that's not the point of these labels!!!!! like i promise you it is so much more important to just accept that these are umbrella terms with nebulous boundaries so that you can take a step back and evaluate the social context in which they're being used in order to then build community. it is okay if there aren't strict rules and definitions! what matters more is being able to look at a specific contexts + the way a broad term can be applied differently in those specific contexts.

anyway. last thing i will say to this whole point is that i personally am someone who identifies to a certain extent with terms like boy lesbian or boydyke, in that my own sense of gender is much more centered around dyke than it is womanhood and i don't necessarily experience lesbianism as something centered around women/womanhood. my lesbianism feels more closely tied to gendernonconformity, genderqueerness, and overlaps a lot with experiences i've heard transmasculine people speak about. but lesbianism is still central to my identity, as i am politically positioned in society as a lesbian and it is the best umbrella term to give people a sense of my identity at a glance, and thus generally the best term for me to position myself within queer spaces + to seek out community. so i understand on a personal level why people might identify as a 'boy lesbian,' and hopefully from this personal anecdote you can understand why someone might too! if u have any questions or anything feel free to shoot me another message; i'm trying to cover a lot of ground in this response so i didn't fully expand on like. every single point bc that would have taken forever lol

[mithliya]

Can you explain how the split model is harmful?

i can try my best, i’m a little rusty bc i haven’t really touched this topic in quite some time.

speaking as a lesbian who once was closeted, and knows many lesbians who faced similar— the split attraction model simply does not work, is illogical, keeps us closeted + confused longer, and encourages denialism.

the split attraction model separates “sexual attraction” from “romantic attraction”. it argues that people can have sexual attraction in one way and romantic attraction in another. the most common examples are heteroromantic asexuals, aromantic asexuals, aromantic bisexuals, and the like. basically ace/aro on one axis and then a sexual orientation on another (and if it’s a “romantic attraction” then just remove the -sexual and replace it with -romantic, even though the -sexual just refers to the sex ur attracted to and doesn’t mean u necessarily want to have sex or have a libido). the logical conclusions of this is that sometimes someone may be homosexual but biromantic, meaning they’re “romantically attracted” to both sexes but only sexually desire the same sex. in normal speak, that’s either just being homosexual (& telling urself u could totally be able to tolerate a relationship that makes u unhappy bc at least ur with the opposite sex) or bisexual with strong preferences.

firstly, it’s homophobic— under the split attraction model, lesbians can be attracted to men if they’re “biromantic” or if they’re “homoromantic bisexuals” (ie bisexual with a strong preference). gay men can be into women for similar reasons. somehow, you could be gay AND straight at the same time (heterosexual homoromantic / homosexual heteroromantic).

secondly, it literally just confuses you further and keeps you from figuring yourself out. if you’re a lesbian and can’t figure out why men’s bodies repulse you and you feel nothing for men but you toooootally want a boyfriend (ie u want social acceptance and approval) then you can just tell urself ur heteroromantic homosexual or biromantic homosexual! and then u don’t have to accept that ur just a lesbian and can keep forcing urself to fake interest in men. this overwhelmingly will harm gay ppl, namely lesbians, especially since we are raised to revolve our futures around having a husband and kids & male approval the way all women are.

speaking anecdotally here, but i was literally just not into men but was able to tolerate being close to them (neutral on stuff like holding hands or hugging etc) and told myself that meant i’m “biromantic homosexual”, which was a step up from my previous belief that i was “heteroromantic homosexual”. before then i was just thinking i must be demisexual or asexual or aromantic or acespec etc because i simply did not consider the obvious possibility that maybe i’m just not interested in men. this is not a unique experience— many lesbians i know have spent years confused and closeted because they were telling themselves that not liking men must mean being asexual or aroace or whatever else. it keeps us in denial and ignoring our obvious feelings because simply finding a label that fits your current confused state & validating it as an Identity is much easier (& also somewhat fun esp when ur a teen struggling to know ur place in this world)

also a lot of it hinges on the assumption that the average gay person is like hypersexual as hell and it’s just generally not good to pretend like there’s these “separate forms of attraction” the way the SAM does.

i honestly don’t see an actual upside to it, it encourages heterosexuals to delude themselves into thinking they’re “””””queer””””””” because they have commitment issues or don’t want to be in a relationship or because they have a low libido, it convinces others that you can somehow be gay and not gay at the same time, it’s illogical, it encourages gay ppl to remain in denial and be closeted, it just. isn’t good

[hersterical]

Buffy’s, Angel’s, Spike’s and Faith’s realizing of and coming to terms with their bisexuality can be split into two categories: “eh, that makes sense” and “W H A T”

“eh, that makes sense”

-Spike: Even before becoming a vampire he considered himself an “appreciator of beauty in all its forms”. After becoming a vampire he and Angelus had a bit of a “that’s just how bros are with each other” kind of relationship even though that is definitely not how bros are with each other. This goes on for about ten years (a pretty short amount of time by vampire standards) before someone finally explains to him that no, not everyone is like this. Spike immediately accepts this seeing as he’s not like most people in every other way so why not when it comes to relationships? He doesn’t even consider thinking about labels until he’s trying to explain it to the Scoobys or the Fang Gang or someone and somebody else provides him with the label. He figures that it fits well enough and the term seems to help other people be less confused around the subject so he just goes along with it. Spike finds ways to “casually” drop his newfound label into conversation whenever he can until a little after everyone becomes sick of it. He’s always a little disappointed in people’s lack of reactions. The one person who he didn’t expect a reaction from, Angel, had the biggest reaction. Like, Angel, did you just forget about 75 years of our friendship? How could you possibly be surprised by this?

-Faith: She’s always known but never had a word for it. Faith’s always had celebrity crushes on women just the same as men and day dreamed about girls just the same as about boys. Around the third or fourth time she kisses a girl she begins referring to herself as “half-gay” in her head. Out loud she says things like “I’m not gay but…” then proceeds to say one of the gayest things to ever be said. Other than that…we’ve all seen how she is with Buffy. You get it. At first she does purposefully keep it a secret due to her crippling fear of rejection. It’s only when she’s in prison she finally learns the term “bisexual” and subconsciously accepts that label into her view of herself. After season 7 of Buffy she’s no longer keeping her sexuality a secret but also doesn’t go out of her way to tell people and just assumes that people would immediately be able to spot the differences in her behavior. She grossly underestimates her absolute lack of subtly when she was younger. Every once in a while somebody is shocked to discover that Faith is bi and Faith is shocked to discover that they didn’t already know. Somehow Xander was the first one to find out. This phenomenon only holds true to those who knew her from before she was arrested, everyone else just kind of knows. The only person she ever sits down and has a conversation about her sexuality with is Angel. And eventually Buffy once Buffy begins going through her crisis. That conversation is somehow even more awkward than the one she had with Angel.

“W H A T”

Angel: He never suspected a thing before he was a vampire. After he was turned, Angelus immediately accepted and was willing to act on these newfound desires. Once he got his soul back Angel figured his attraction to men probably came from his lack of soul. Probably. Something about that never seemed to quite fit though. He tossed this into his rapidly growing pile of existential crisis’ and only ever thought about it when he needed a break from his all-consuming guilt. But then if Angel ever spent more than five minutes thinking about it he would become confused and go back to the simpler matter of punishing himself. It’s only when he begins to rejoin society and do a bunch of research on prophecies, demons, and so on in order to help Buffy that he learns that the lack of soul makes one more likely to act on homosexual desires, but the sexuality and the body is a package deal, with or without the soul. This gives him a lot to think about…for another time because Buffy! Then Angel Investigations, Cordy, his son, the end of the world, etc. (he totally isn’t avoiding the issue, shut up) At some point Spike says or does something that Angel finds incredibly attractive, causing Angel to groan loudly and exclaim “Really!? Him!?” He quickly has to explain himself to Spike who laughs and is incredulous that Angel didn’t already know given their history. Angel never tells anyone unless it comes up naturally in conversation, usually including a lot of mumbling and shuffling of feet. Faith teases him ruthlessly and they eventually develop several inside jokes based on their shared sexuality and differing ways of handling it. Angel doesn’t come out to Buffy until Buffy comes out to him. This is an even more awkward conversation than the one between Buffy and Faith. Lorne always knew Angel was bi but knew he wasn’t ready to realize it/wanted to see how long it would take this over 200 year old idiot to figure it out.

Buffy: Oh Buffy. She always knew girls were pretty. Everyone thinks about kissing them sometimes, right? Wanting to kiss a girl and thinking she’s pretty doesn’t make you gay. Besides, Buffy is definitely attracted to men and their manly masculinity and all that. Women are just nice to look at sometimes. This goes on until well after season 7 when she and Willow are having a movie night. Buffy says something about how soft the lead actress’s lips look and Willow says “Yeah, I know right? Hey wait a second, I do know.” This leads to a very long and eye opening conversation. Buffy finally asserts that she’s not gay because she likes guys. Willow responds “Hello, does bisexuality ring any bells? Maybe the names Faith and Spike?” No it doesn’t ring any bells and what do Faith and Spike have to do with anything? It turns out that Buffy really didn’t know it was possible to like more than just one gender, hadn’t spoken to Spike since he discovered his new favorite word, and hadn’t thought anything of the occasional woman that Faith brings back home or her aggressive flirting. “I just figured they were friends and the flirting was just Faith being Faith. Plus you know how weird the whole situation with me, Spike, and Angel is.” Buffy isn’t sold on the idea that she isn’t straight so she spends months thinking about it very deeply while staring at women to figure out if she’s attracted to them or not. Faith finally snaps one day after twenty minutes of Buffy making unbroken eye contact with the side of her face and demands to know what’s going on. Buffy doesn’t explain anything and instead asks her weirdly specific and personal questions about Faith’s love life. Faith leaves that conversation even more confused than entering it. Buffy finally comes to Willow and says that this uncertainty is killing her, so Willow does what any best friend would do and takes Buffy to a gay bar. While there Buffy has a brief make out session with a woman before making a quick exit to take time to accept that she is bi. For the next few weeks Buffy is even more trapped in her head than in the time leading up to this realization before asking Willow to help her gather all the members of the inner circle. She has an announcement to make. Everyone takes it as well as can be expected. Giles says something about loving and supporting her, Dawn says something littler-sisterly, and Xander is a little weird but much more mature than she expected. Other than welcoming her to “the club” Faith is uncharacteristically quiet. The next time they team up with the Fang Gang, Buffy finds a moment to have a private word with Angel where they come out to each other. Now Faith, Buffy, Spike, and the rest of Angel Investigations know about Angel and that’s really everyone Angel wants to know and is neutral to everyone else knowing. Later, Spike drops the fact that he’s bi into the conversation and Buffy responds with “same”. They share an understanding smile and that’s that. From then on Buffy gets a nervous, but happy smile whenever she gets to come out to someone new.

[readingbibooks]

Why bisexual people identify as gay - in their own words

Because identifying as gay is in some way preferable to identifying as bisexual:

"I felt at home as a gay man. It was an identity that felt solid and all-encompassing." - Simon Eilbeck

"Jeremiah and Sierra felt that openly identifying as gay and queer, respectively, was much easier than identifying as bisexual." - Jayna Tavarez

Because of a commitment to a gay "lifestyle":

"I am still gay. If I have relationships with women they will be nearer to gay relationships with women than heterosexist ones." - 'Andy'

"'Bisexual' always felt like I still belonged at least somewhat to the heteronormative world... 'Gay' meant I was setting myself apart from every lie I'd told myself growing up." - Kathryn Lesko

"Identifying as a lesbian is more than who is sleeping in your bed, as any unpartnered lesbian can tell you... It’s not a simple matter for her of “exchanging lesbian oppression for heterosexual privilege.” It is an enormous trauma to be forced... to choose." - 'Dajenya'

Because of a commitment to gay rights activism:

"As the oppression of gay people and homosexuality surges all around us in increasing waves, I feel I want to assert my gayness all the more... While the fence is there I want to stand on the gay side of it." - David Burkle

“Even though I do see myself as bisexual, I decided to go to the other side of the spectrum because I feel that the oppression is really coming from there. It’s really easy for people to ignore that side of me. So in order for that not to happen I have chosen to define myself as a gay activist, even though in reality I know that there is always another part of me." - Billy Jones

“I made a decision fairly early in my public coming out to frequently use the word gay when speaking to the mainstream heterosexual community. I did not want to have my bisexuality seen as minimising the side of me that is gay." - Dave Matteson

“There is a strong element among bisexual political activists of people who work hard within lesbian and gay campaigns and actively identify with the lesbian and gay movement, even though lesbians and gays may not always realise that there are bisexuals in their midst.” - Sharon Rose

Because of fear of rejection from the gay community:

“If a person has come to identify as lesbian or gay and become a part of lesbian or gay communities, she or he has probably undergone a grieving of heterosexual models and quite possibly has experienced the loss of support from some friends and relatives in the heterosexual community. If he or she then recognizes heterosexual attractions, coming out as bisexual to gay or lesbian friends may involve new rejections and new grief." - Dave Matteson

“Many people privately identify as bisexual but, to avoid conflict and preserve their ties to a treasured community, choose to label themselves publicly as lesbian, gay, or straight, further contributing to bisexual invisibility. These women and men feel terror at the thought of being cast out or ostracized from the community from which they derive their support, nourishment, and sense of self." - Robyn Ochs

“There are women who would no longer approve of me if they knew I was bisexual. I would hate to lose my good name in the lesbian community." - Judy Freespirit

"To be totally honest, I did briefly give up and let mysellf 'gay-pass'... The less I corrected assumptions, the more I was welcomed (and hired) by the lesbian and gay community." - Sandra Alland

Because of external pressure:

"It seems that the hardest part about owning one’s bisexuality is resisting the pressure to choose one label over the other. Everyone wants you to do that." - Betsey Ringel and Ann Lewis

"People with bisexual desires have often thought that they were bad, confused and greedy, or have repressed their feelings. They begin to wonder why they cannot choose one sex over another - what is wrong with them." - Sue George

They don't identify as gay, but are assumed to be anyway:

"You are bisexual, but everyone who knows you assumes you are a lesbian and those who don't assume you are straight." - Chitra Ramaswamy

“Reviewers called my bisexual book a lesbian book, and it stuck. They assumed the poems about men were from before I came out.” - Sandra Alland

"I always felt a fraud when I spent a lot of time with lesbians: perhaps if I’d had a big ‘B’ stamped on my forehead I would have felt more comfortable, and not as though I was unintentionally deceiving people." - Anonymous, quoted by Sue George