#one day ill be able to afford it lol

[mintyvoid]

yo he has a subscribestar too if you want to support him that way, he hasn't in a while but there are some posts about progress on certain designs- it's cool to see. https://www.subscribestar.com/akujinscos

non homestuck dont understand. if you have cosplayed terezi, sollux, or dirk at  ANY point in your life you have bought shades from the same man. like its literally just one man whos making HUNDREDS of pairs of specialty cosplay glasses. it is literally JUST one man who makes those glasses on the entire internet

[pepprs]

genuinely so angry and scared im shaking. how many other times this week this month this year have i been exposed without knowing it. do people even tell each other anymore. it’s just so grim. it’s so fucking grim

[amyrosedaily]

Day 67: Delivery! (Silver Week day 2)

Damn late by 3 minutes haha! Anyway this is actually from a Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog AU that I have not shared anywhere other than my brain lmao. It’s basically just: what if there was a Sonic AU where everyone was ACTUALLY their roles in TMOSTH. I’ll add some lore beneath the cut for anyone interested haha

PLEASE! Donate to help save Safaa and her family! | Main post | Gofundme (THEYRE ALMOST HALFWAY!!!)

So basically the au starts with Sonic, Amy, Tails, and Knuckles all celebrating Sonic’s recent promotion to ship captain. It’s a party where they’re both celebrating but also saying goodbye since Sonic will be heading out on his first voyage as captain in a few days.

Amy ofc is a journalist and has been working as one for a little bit while Tails just started working as an assistant detective at a local agency. (Haven’t quite figured out Knuckles yet oops)

Anyway the plot begins when Sonic nearly drowns aboard his first voyage. When his body is first found his friends do cruelly think he had died, but luckily the doctors are able to save him and he wakes up not too long after but is very delierious - however, he remembers being pushed.

Sonic had hid his fear of water and inability to swim from his crew even before he was captain, only his close friends knew. Plus now the media is reporting on the failed ship voyage and how Sonic’s first venture as captain was such a failure.

Amy and Tails now know this wasn’t as accident - it was an attempted murder. So they team up to find the truth of what happened and report on it publicly. Both to keep the media from saying bad about their friend, but also revenge.

I haven’t figured out all the details but I want all the characters to be involved somehow. Right now I’ve only Kind Of figured out Espio and Silver. (Yeah Silvers here I wanted him to be lol)

Espio did NOT kill Sonic, however he was an important accomplice. Espio is just trying to get into university (or some higher education) while helping Vector take care of Charmy. Espio has been trying to write poetry to sell to help Vector, who’s currently the only one making money with his job as a butcher. However one day, Charmy gets very sick and the Chaotix can’t afford to take him to urgent care. The illness isn’t usually deadly but in children it can be worse. Feelings scared and desperate, Espio does something he hasn’t done since before he met Vector - hired assassination.

Essentially Espio gets hired to incapacitate Sonic, which he does with the blow dart. Espio however did not push Sonic or even physically come into contact with him at all. I think Espio DID actually believe he killed Sonic - where he drugged Sonic and then Sonic fell overboard. However since Sonic remembers being pushed and Espio never touched him, Espio didn’t actually kill him.

Silver, in this au, is just a regular mailman…kinda? I want him to work for Blaze (who I haven’t quite figured out how she fits in yet) and as shown in his comic, supplied Espio with both the weapon and the poison in a way that Vector and Charmy wouldn’t find out. This parts self indulgent tbh I just think Espio and Silver would make a great assassin duo if they wanted to hahaha

Anyway that’s all I got so far!! If you read this wow!! Thank you!

[codenamesazanka]

Eri's touted as sort of a 'Tenko But Things Went Right', which isn't wrong, but I feel like her save relied a lot of luck too. And luck shouldn't be a determining factor in child welfare??

It was by pure chance that Deku and Mirio first encountered her. 100% random bump. Nighteye had no idea about any child in the Shie Hassakai compound, despite having staked it out for at least a few days already.

The rescue effort was launched to save Eri, yes, but only because the Heroes had that one lucky detail to connect “DNA inside bullets” to “visibly injured child”. Without that...who knows? If Heroes had no compelling evidence to storm the compound, would they have just continued a routine drug investigation? If they raided the compound but didn’t know about the child beforehand, what would’ve happened to her? Shunted off to an orphanage because she’s ‘a criminal/yakuza’s child’? Place under HPSC supervision because of her relation to the bullets?

The manga itself stated that Eri was going to be sent off to an orphanage, BUT her out-of-control quirk was cause for concern and fortunately there was the one (1) guy who can suppress her quirk and help train her - who happened to be a teacher at a private educational campus run by a multi-millionaire who can afford to take her in as a ward. How amazingly lucky!!!! (And everyone themselves said that they were hoping to teach Eri how to use her quirk so that she can cure Mirio. How nice that her quirk is deadly but also has this miraculous healing ability that lends this additional incentive to take her in.) Eri is still only in custody of UA because her last living blood relative, her grandfather, is still in a coma. Would Pops ever want her back, if he ever wakes up? Would UA let him? Good thing UA has the resources and connections to win a custody battle, in this case.

Plus, before all of that, Eri was already another abandoned child, way before the Heroes ever learned of her. Her mom abandoned her; then her grandfather took her in, but when he fell into a coma, she ended up with the worse possible caretaker. Yeah, Overhaul is Overhaul, but a relative falling ill and being unable to take care of a child is something that can happen to any family.

Eri was abandoned by her mom because she killed her dad. What on earth was the police doing then? Did her mom is not report this? Five seconds after the dad disappeared, the mom immediately plopped the toddler in the car seat and drove her off to Pops? Or is it more likely the mom screamed and panicked and called emergency services, but it turned out that there’s nothing to be done about the dad… and then emergency services also apparently did nothing about the mom or Girl With Newly Lethal Quirk or the beginning of quirk counseling so that the mom could understand the accident as ‘mutant quirk’ and not ‘curse’??

There were points where Eri could've been saved, before she ever bumped into Deku, before Overhaul put Pops in a coma and started cutting her up.

Similarity, saving Tenko shouldn't have just been 'Hero happened to be in the area and wasn't busy and was able to spot this injured child and go help him' (if it doesn't turns out AFO was behind this too lol), or 'if only there could've been a Hero 15 years ago who could handle his quirk, hold his hand, and give him relief'. It should've been 'first person who saw this injured child called the police or took Tenko to a police box'. It should've been 'Kotarou's last act of parenting was not to pick up garden shears and whack his kid with it, but know to keep calm and know what to do in a quirk emergency' or whatever. It should've been 'the three other adults in the household had enough conscience to not let Kotarou bully his toddler'. Hell, it should've been 'All Might and Gran kept tabs on the Shimura boy'.

idk. I just don't think 'Luckily a Hero noticed!' is good enough.

[fanofstuff01]

What if for the criminal au, because I love drama and hurting Adam lol

What if Emily has a chronic illness and needs expensive medicine? And that's another reason why he steals things.

Oooh!

And what if Adam and Lucifer were in a situation where someone was behind Lucifer and Adam had his gun raised and for a moment Lucifer thinks he's gonna shoot him.

Lucifer: Hey now, let's talk about this.

Adam: Shut up.

Lucifer: I-

BANG!

Lucifer turns to see the guy behind him fall dead.

Lucifer: YOU FUCKING SCARED ME!

Adam: I couldn't risk him moving!!

Oh yes. FUCK yes.

But a cure-able one please. I love my baby Emily. The medicine is just expensive for Adam to afford and constantly needs to be given to her until she beats the illness, which will probably take her until she’s 10 or 12.

Adam even thinks of giving her up for adoption but he quickly leaves the idea.

So one day he steals the wallet of a drunk man who came to the bar, empties it, and puts it back. Feeling almost nothing.

Then he keeps doing this. But it’s not enough.

So one day he meets Michael who offers him a much dirty but more paying job. He accepts.

For the second one

That sounds like something that could happen. Bonus points if they had gotten into an argument that day, that’d make the situation even scarier for Lucifer.

Lucifer: Can you blame me?!

Adam: Look, I’m fucking sorry, now can we go!?

Lucifer: You are?

Adam: WE. CAN. TALK THIS. WHEN WE. GET THE FUCK. HOME!

Lucifer: Okay!

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

status of babbit's life yeehaw

tl,dr: busy moving and a couple of other big life things that just complicate things, but well on the way to being back to normal! new fic chapters and better quality art coming soon.

tl,wr (too long, will read):

Helloooo what's up its me, Babbit. or Rabbit. or Bones. or Idiot Moron Menace Child, idk im not picky lol

i know a lot of you guys have been wondering wtf is up with my upload schedule lately and the extreme lack of even basic content and also i am extremely aware that i have not updated my fics in a few millennia and for that i am very, very sorry. this post is to answer a few questions you might have, if anyone was curious about the 'reason' instead of just the 'when.'

my family and i have had a hell of a year, y'all. like, jesus christ, i really hope things level out and calm down for a while once we're moved in to our new apartment bc god damn we are so tired. the list goes: 1. we got kicked out of the house we were renting-to-own bc we wouldn't be able to afford the new rate, so they gave us two months to find a new place to live (not long enough, it turns out) and then foreclosed to get us out. 75% of our belongings were still in the house when we had to leave. that includes all of our christmas ornaments- including the ones kept for decades, and the ones made by me and my siblings, and the fancy ones made from blown glass. 2. the first night out of the house, one of our dogs, freaked out by the strangeness of the situation, panicked and slipped her harness and ran off. that was over a year ago. we haven't seen her since. 3. my cat got very ill and became unable to eat. she passed away almost exactly a year ago. she had been 14-15, and had been my baby since i was maybe 8. 4. one of the tires on my dads car blew out. during the night, while it was parked on the curb so he could put the spare on in the morning, one of the in-tact tires was fucking stolen LMAO 5. we applied to rent at so many places and got rejected so, so many times. it costs money to apply, btw. we're talking like $200+. no, u don't get that money back. 6. i lost my job bc knowing i would have to work 8 hours at a job that stresses me out to the point of exhaustion (at a place where no one takes me seriously and would actively laugh at me when i try to express my need to step away for a minute) sometimes paralyzed me and made me sick to my stomach and made me feel unable to leave the house, and i called out one too many times. a day after my birthday, too! 7. just recently, like within the last week, my dad's car got fuckin totalled!!!!!

THE GOOD NEWS IS WE OFFICIALLY, FINALLY, AFTER A SOLID YEAR, HAVE AN APARTMENT!!!!! I'LL HAVE MY OWN ROOM AGAIN!!! THERE'S AN ENTIRE KITCHEN!!!!!!!

the 'oh god' news is we still have to move in, and replace a lot of the stuff that we just couldn't take with us when we moved out (mostly stuff like bookshelves, dining table, dressers, etc) AND get the few things we could cram into a storage center out and moved into the new place, which isn't a lot but at the same time is more than we can realistically handle on our own. and then, we have to get my mums cats (a pair of kitty sisters that we had to temporarily house with my aunt, who got tired of looking after them and let them outside to be outdoor cats a few months ago. yes, this was an extremely shitty thing to do, and we've been working hard to get them back safely) AND my gecko (who my cousin has been looking after, even tho feeding him worms freaks him out LMAO yes i plan on compensating him) moved in, as well... basically oh my god there is so much to worry about but at the same time it's nice to have to worry about it bc it means we're making progress sdkfhsjdkfhdsjfh

basically i am just so tired but so busy and also thinkin abt so much im so sorry for lack of stuff but i am so looking forward to being able to bounce back, pls stick with me, it'll be sorted out soon i think and then i'll hit y'all with some good stuff i promise!!!!!!!

anyway thank u guys i love u and appreciate u all for sticking around

[butchspace]

Hello, I am going to discuss my thoughts on content/trigger warnings as someone living with OCD. I am absolutely open to good faith engagement and discussion on this topic.

Having some thoughts on the idea that adding trigger warnings somehow ultimately harms the person with the trigger. They absolutely can create an easy tool to obsessively control your access to the topics/to avoid them, but I’ve always felt it should be the potentially triggered person’s decision on what they were ready to do about it. Uncontrolled exposure is just as capable of causing obsession as is avoidance, in my opinion.

I think of the (terrible telephone retelling of a) case I heard about while discovering recounts of actual lived experiences with OCD.

—The following example discusses intrusive thoughts about domestic violence.—

A woman had an obsession with being was afraid of hitting her boyfriend. Her compulsion was that she would have to hold her arms stiffly by her side. She recognized this as OCD and sought exposure response prevention. Her therapist told her to try and ignore the compulsion, or potentially do the opposite. The woman became so obsessed with healing she forced herself to keep her hands away from her sides (almost obsessively) and constantly checked whether or not she “still wanted to hit him.” In the end, the ERP just became entangled with her obsessions.

It takes so much strength to face these types of problems and practice the mindfulness and grace with yourself to recognize it. It’s something you really need to be ready for because it’s going to take a lot of effort to do the hard thing when the easy thing is right there.

How can we claim it’s best to “force” exposure on someone else? How can we go around vigilante therapising people we have deemed too ill to do it on their own (or just be left alone)?

This is not to say that anyone is bad if they can’t or don’t want to tag things. More just my thoughts about how pushback against that idea can swing too hard into trying to prove not tagging was morality correct.

Some articles that articulate so much of my experience with OCD:

Having No Cure for OCD Is the Cure

Help! I Have OCD About What’s OCD

In the spirit of bodily autonomy, I think we all deserve agency in our lives no matter how “incompetent” other people may think we are. When you’re ready, you’re ready. There’s no healing to be had sitting around thinking you’re broken or lazy or whatever for not being ready to change. We all owe each other the kindness to do what we can in good faith, too.

I started doing too much table setting in the tags, so I’ll put it under a read more, lol.

I recognize that this isn’t very radically (in the abolition vs reform sense) anti-psychiatry, and I do have a complicated relationship with that idea. I recognize that I have a good deal of privilege (particularly among people with more stigmatized/less understood “disorders”) but this framework is the only one I’ve ever been able to access that gives me any insight into myself at all. That isn’t something everyone can afford to do in several senses.

As a physically disabled person, I just connect my experiences with chronic illness and mental illness (which I think can fall under the umbrella of chronic on its own) more and more these days. What truly was the difference between not being able to do something out of pain versus anxiety? Our brains are organs, too. Our thoughts are chemical and hormonal, too.

One of the fondest memories I have of coming to terms with disability was explaining my experience with an autoimmune condition to a bipolar friend, and he replied that we were “chronic illness buddies.” And I felt so understood as someone who has suffered with various types of anxieties for their entire waking life.

[warabidakihime]

Love, Loss, and Little Paws

Characters: Suguru Geto x Reader | Slightly/Implied Office AU (?)

Synopsis: Celebrate the healing power of love as it weaves through the tapestry of loss and new beginnings, leaving behind a trail of pawprints and cherished memories.

Content warnings: none

A/N: don't mind, i'm just writing my feelings as my way of coping haha. ;-; just lost my cat two nights ago and yeah, i've been having a hard time coping so i thought i should write it down. lowkey wish i have suguru by my side too lol but ya girl is single as fuck HAHA. well, if anyone is going through the same thing rn, *hugs*.

-

"Y/N? Can I come in?"

Suguru's voice echoed through the closed door, but he anticipated the lack of response. Without waiting for an answer, he quietly entered your room. As expected, he found you sitting in front of your computer, completely absorbed in your work. Your headphones were on, likely playing music at full volume, acting as a shield against any intrusive thoughts that might disrupt your focus.

Just four nights ago, you lost your beloved cat, JR. The weight of that loss had only truly hit you the previous night, and since then, you have been grappling with overwhelming emotions. The pain was deep, causing you to disassociate from reality. Tears welled up in your eyes at unpredictable moments, especially when you stumbled upon pictures of JR or when a cherished memory with him flashed in your mind.

Coping with this profound loss and trying to move forward had proven to be an immense challenge. And rightfully so—JR had been by your side for six years, witnessing your journey from student to working professional. Graduating from college and landing your first job had been particularly special, as you eagerly anticipated showering your furry companion with love and spoiling him rotten.

You had grown up in a financially struggling family, intimately familiar with the disappointment of not being able to afford the things you desired or indulge in the foods you longed to try. When you received your very first paycheck, your immediate instinct was to invest in a large sack of cat food and a tray of wet food for JR. That night, as you watched him devour the meal purchased with your hard-earned money, a profound sense of joy and determination welled up inside you. Tears streamed down your face as you witnessed the little guy's feast, and in that moment, you made a solemn promise to him. From then on, he would never have to worry about going hungry or settling for subpar, unhealthy cat food made from inferior ingredients.

However, life took a cruel turn. JR suddenly fell ill, and before you could intervene, he passed away—right in your arms. Witnessing his suffering tore at your heart, and you wished it could have been you instead. He had done nothing wrong, so why did he have to endure such hardship? In his final moments, amidst your tears and quivering lips, you summoned the strength to bid him farewell.

You began by expressing your gratitude, thanking him for the immense happiness and strength he had brought you during the time you spent together. Next, you offered your sincere apologies. You lamented your inability to provide him with more—more toys, fancier and healthier cat food, treats, or even a proper home with a spacious backyard where he could roam freely without the fear of cars. You questioned whether you had been enough for him as his owner, and remorse filled your voice. Lastly, you professed your love for him, pouring out your heartfelt and everlasting affection. You vowed that he would never be forgotten, forever occupying a special place in your heart. You pledged to remain strong, carrying him as one of your eternal inspirations in life.

On the night JR passed away, you found it hard to believe that the next day you were functioning almost normally. It was as if you hadn't spent the previous night crying your eyes out while cradling your cat in your arms during his final moments. Throughout this difficult time, Suguru had been a constant presence, providing unwavering support and love. While he had always been caring and affectionate, you needed his presence even more now. If only he could absorb your sadness and bring you solace, he would do so without hesitation. The sight of you so downhearted and broken pained him deeply, and he too mourned the loss of JR.

Though he had always considered himself more of a dog person, JR had grown fond of Suguru over time, especially during his visits to your place. He, too, shed tears for the little guy and would genuinely miss him. Suguru made a promise to JR that he would take good care of you in his absence.

And he will start by putting a smile back on your face and the stars in your eyes.

He approached you, placed his hand gently on your shoulders, and gave it a loving squeeze to let you know you have company. Surely enough, that got your attention, and so you immediately turned off the music you were listening to and turned to him. He didn’t let it show on his face, but upon seeing your face, his heart shattered into itty-bitty pieces once again.

"Oh, hey. I didn't hear you come in. What's up?" you greeted him, your voice struggling to emulate your usual cheery tone and your smile failing to reach your eyes.

Based on the bags under your eyes, disheveled hair, and unusually prominent cheekbones, you haven’t been getting enough sleep, nor have you been eating enough. He understands, though, but still, it hurts to see you like this.

Suguru's fond smile remained unwavering. "It's okay. I figured you were busy, so I let myself in. I brought some food with me. Have you eaten?" he asked, concern lacing his words.

"No, I've been busy. Deadlines to meet. You sighed, a pout forming on your face as your gaze drifted aimlessly around the room. Deep in thought, you tried to recall the last time you had a proper meal.

Suguru's smile widened a little. "Then come with me downstairs, so we can eat. You must be starving," he urged, his tone gentle yet determined.

Reluctantly, you pushed yourself up from your workspace and decided to show Suguru some affection for being such a sweet and attentive boyfriend. You leaned in, giving him a heartfelt kiss on the lips, followed by a warm side hug. You knew he deserved recognition for his unwavering support and patience. Despite being occupied with his own endeavors, he always found time for you, especially during this challenging period in your life. You were aware of the extent of your own struggle and appreciated how he stood by your side.

Having a lover and best friend in one soul is truly a blessing, and every day you thank the heavens for giving you someone like Geto Suguru.

The two of you made your way downstairs, ready to savor the Chinese takeout Suguru had picked up on his way to your apartment. Settling down with bowls of richly seasoned noodles, you engaged in much-needed chit-chat. You shared stories about your respective days, delving into various workplace gossips. Suguru revealed that his close friend and co-worker, Satoru, had recently met someone at a mutual friend's wedding, and they were now going on their third date this coming weekend. The news surprised you, as Satoru was notorious for being fickle. On the other hand, you shared the news of your subordinate, Itadori Yuji, who was finally due for a well-deserved promotion. He had shown remarkable talent among the new hires, and after just half a year on the job, he would be promoted to Assistant Manager. You suggested celebrating the achievement and invited Suguru to come along as your plus one, which he gladly accepted.

"A date is a date," Suguru playfully remarked, earning a cute chuckle from you.

"A date is a date, indeed," you replied, feeling a warmth settle within you.

After finishing your early dinner, you both returned to your room and settled onto the bed, seeking comfort in each other's presence. As the night deepened, the kisses you shared grew more passionate. Your legs intertwined like a spider's web; your arms loosely wrapped around Suguru's neck, while his hands securely held your hips, giving them loving squeezes from time to time.

After a few more affectionate kisses, you both pulled away, needing to catch your breath. You gazed at Suguru, a coy smile playing on your lips, and spoke softly, "Thank you."

"Hm?" Suguru inquired, tilting his head to the side, his captivating eyes locking onto yours, ensnaring your attention.

"For being there for me, especially these past few days. And I'm sorry, sorry for worrying you," you expressed with a hint of vulnerability.

Suguru's eyes immediately softened, fully understanding what you meant. He pulled you even closer, as if that were even possible, his strong arms enveloping you with an outpouring of love. He continued to gaze at you adoringly. "Anything and everything for you, Y/N," he assured you.

A tearful smile formed on your face, tears welling up once again as you spoke with a voice that cracked, "I miss him so much, Suguru."

"I miss him too, sweetheart," Suguru responded softly, gently kissing away your tears. Satisfied with his efforts, he rested his forehead against yours. "Take all the time you need to mourn. I'll always be here for you. Don't worry about me."

"Suguru..." you whimpered, burying your face in the junction of his neck, finding solace in his comforting scent.

His hand rubbed your back tenderly as he spoke in a soothing tone, "I'm here. I'm here."

You both remained in that intimate embrace for a while, with you weeping as you grieved and Suguru doing his utmost to provide solace and comfort.

"I love you," you managed to say between sobs.

A smile danced on Suguru's lips as he closed his eyes, cherishing your heartfelt words. "And I love you so much."

*

"Suguru, wait... stop the car," you urgently called out to your boyfriend, tapping his arm. You were on your way home from Yuji's celebratory party.

"Huh? Why? We're in the middle of the highway, Y/N," Suguru responded, his tone laced with concern.

"Just stop the car," you insisted firmly. "There's a kitten stuck in the middle of the road. We need to help it."

Suguru momentarily glanced at you, then followed your gaze, only to see a small, struggling kitten in the middle of the road. It appeared to be limping, a clear sign that it had been abandoned and left to fend for itself.

With a sense of urgency, Suguru brought the car to a halt, much to the dismay of the cars behind him. He was about to devise a plan to rescue the kitten, but to his surprise and horror, you swiftly bolted out of the car and dashed towards the helpless creature. Suguru clutched his chest, his heart pounding, as he watched you bravely cross the road, doing your best to signal the other cars.

A few tense minutes passed, and you finally returned, a radiant smile adorning your face. It was evident that you were overjoyed to have rescued the poor kitten. Despite the little one being covered in soot, you leaned in and gave it a gentle kiss on the nose. "That was a close one, huh?" you said to the kitten in your affectionate "cat mommy" voice.

Suguru couldn't help but chuckle fondly at the sight before him. It was clear to him that you had instantly fallen for the kitten. As you resumed your journey, the ginger-colored feline slept peacefully on your lap. Both of you assumed it was a boy.

"I'm going to name him Taiga because he looks like a mini-tiger," you giggled, gazing at the kitten with adoration.

"Hmm... witty. I like it. But we should take Taiga to the vet first thing in the morning. He was limping when we found him, right?" Suguru suggested, showing his concern for the newfound addition to your lives.

"Yeah. Stay over at my place tonight, Sugu?" you requested, leaning in to give him a gentle kiss on the cheek. "Sorry for putting you on the spot earlier."

"Nah, it's fine. I'm actually quite happy right now," Suguru replied with a warm smile, followed by his agreement to sleep at your place for the night.

"Why?" you chuckled, curious about his unexpected response.

"Taiga brought back the sparkles in your eyes. Seeing you happy makes me happy," Suguru explained, taking your hand and placing a tender kiss on it.

You looked down at the sleeping kitten on your lap, your heart swelling with affection, especially when you heard him purr. "I don't know if I'm fully happy yet, but I can say that I'm finally on my way there."

During the vet visit, much to your surprise, you discovered that Taiga was actually a girl!

[virocci]

おはよう　みなさん！ welcom back to the blog ppls

i figured i should do a life update once more since its been a good while.

firstly,

i think i wanna try speaking more japanese, im learning it with my school rn and ik that i understand and can speak quite a bit. its just i forget vocab so easily :,) maybe ill start tryna speak/test more in my blog posts :>

game segment *woosh woosh super cool transition*

i bought the $30 season pass for strinova hehe. i went level like 85-87 and then bought it and gave me and extra 25 to complete the battle pass :> idk if im gonna go ahead and do that again, it all depnds what in the pass and if i feel that ill be able to finish it :,)

i also pulled THE HERTA in hsr :> (my last post) but i speant all my stellar jades on her which is soooo sad. i was planning to get jade for her if i got herta early... but i didnt :( i think ill try to farm for jades and to see if i can pull jade :> i reeeeeeally wanna build a herta team hehe. i also still havent built sunday yet... or rappa for that matter. i think one day ill have to sit down and js do allll my grinding lol

also, i havent acc rll touched zzz since i completed the event but ive been feeling and itch to log again so maybe ill do that. im saving to get the vtuber girls and they supposedly are supposed to come out in march SO I REEEEALLY gotta be saving HARD.

also miku in fortnite. i legit downloaded fortnite JUST for miku and am acc lowk thinking abt buying her skin lol. only problem is that both of skins is like 4.6K vbucks and if I were to buy it id need to spend 50$ and i cant rlly afford to do that rn :(

ive also gotten like 10-ish hours into persona 5 :> the point to when your exploring the second castle. :D im reeeeally enjoying the game so far AND I CANT WAIT FOR FUTABA.

game segament done *super cool silly woop woop transition*

this next two weeks i have aaaaall my finals so iv been studying super hard. this friday i have my grade 12 math final exam and omggg im have been studying HARRD. I AM LOCKED IN FRFR. i rlly hope i do well so i atleast wont have to redo the exam when i do the course again :>

also eggrolls (the g u y, refer to past posts lol), COMPLETELY turned away from me when i went to see a friends that has lunch on the same floor w/ him. theres a whole group of ppl there and he eat w/ those ppl since his gf is there. And, my friend wasn't there so i was tryna ask someone ik we she was, and i looked to eggrolls for a minute (HE COMPLETLY avoided me btw) and HIS GF answered saying my friend isnt eating there anymore (or today idk what she said). but either way i found it kinda funny. idk if i mentioned this but i ended up never following him back on his public account, i js thought he didnt deserve it :) also there was a day we were doing some activity in class and he tried asking me for answers, i js pretended i didnt hear him and didnt move (there was also a group around his desk/behind me so it was plausable i didnt hear him) and i feel kinda proud of myself for not budging.

also there was a day during winter break i saw people from my old school when i was out with wifey 2. they were two guys who bullied me and were just assholes to me back in 8th grade. they just made fun of me for watching stuf like gacha and anime (listen i was in a phase back then) and also for wanting to dress more alternativly. acc, everyone in my class would say i was weird cause i wanted to dress differently and less basic (if i may say). that day i was wearing like a SCRUMPTIOUS fit. and after we saw them, i felt so proud of myself for being able to prove them wrong. like it felt so satisfying showing the ppl who put me down for being myself and prove that i executed it SO WELL.

anyways, i believe thats it for now :) i think another life update will have to come after exam unfortuanelty :(\

side note... if anyone actually sees this and reads this its kinda just a public journal :3 i feel i should be documenting more things that happen to me so this is my way of doing so. either way id still appreciate some interaction... i like seein ppl listen to what i havce to say :3

here is a yummy song for chu since you read allllll that :3

[jazzmckay]

davg day 11:

another roller-coaster of a day! this post is looooong

started with an outing with davrin and assan :> assan helping the sick halla was so sweet ;w;

blessed

the ending discussion about peoples nature and if they could change was really nice. considering rook's backstory, she relates to both davrin and assan and was definitely in support of the idea that people can change <3

then jumped into some main story stuff--i still had some companion quests open and i was nervous about accidentally cutting them off by progressing too far but hoooo boy, i had to keep going after discovering the dalish were going to be ritually sacrificed, yikes!! i have to say, davg does a good job of making certain quests feel urgent. it's the complete opposite of skyrim where i completely fuck off for 50 levels worth of gameplay and then go "right. so. the dragons. guess i should see what thats all about" lol when intense stuff happens, im like oh SHIT i cannot afford to wait!!! even though games will generally tell you if there will be consequences for taking too long. but i get so immersed and i really CARE about what's happening, about my companions too and how they feel about it all, so i really do feel that "we gotta take care of this NOW" vibe.

and this story mission was fucking awesome. one of my favourites :> being sneaky, getting to see what "business as usual" is like for the venatori, and then when shit hit the fan, it hit epically hard.

rook: oh shit, we gonna roleplay about this later? ;)

honestly amazing this crew was able to sneak in like this. two qunari, two elves with vallaslin, a dwarf? how'd we pull this off LOL but it didn't exactly last long anyway

ANYWAY THATS A BIG FUCKING DRAGON

so naive of me to have assumed initially that the 2 dragons who attacked minrathous and treviso were The Evanuris Archdemon Dragons(tm). i already had that cleared up for me, but yeah, uh, elgar's dragon is........ very big. much bigger than those other blighted dragons. am i gonna get to fight that thing later? am i gonna get to fucking fight that fucking thing? [vibrates] im blowing a kiss to davg for giving me lots of big things to fight

and !!!!!

the hype was real...... and it was perfect. solas and elgar'nan fucking WENT AT each other and i was eating popcorn the whole time. im intrigued by the fact that solas called elgar'nan 'lethallin'. i need a full translation for whatever the fuck solas first said to get elgar's attention so thoroughly lol

hehe

maybe ill cry about it ;w; so happy about this relationship development. ftr i do absolutely ship rook/solas, at least this rook. my next one might not feel as much connection, but this one really does. she started to trust him at a steady pace through the story and she reflects a lot on everything she's learned about him, how she relates to him. and this conversation felt like a whole new stage above that. trust and respect babey.

great line

then solas talking about cole, josephine, and cassandra ;w; i wasn't expecting that!

after this, rook finally shaved her hair off :> she's feeling a bit more secure and in control now, between reaching a good place with solas and helping the others with their unfinished business. ooooh yeah its all coming together. solas 🤝 rook, team shaved heads is back together again.

then lace got me emotional AGAIN. twice. first when we talked about how she felt with the titan's anger inside her, and then after when we went to visit the kal-sharok dwarves. lace sympathizing with how solas must feel under the weight of his sorrow... augh. it hits even harder with how anti-solas she started out. she has really come around. it means a lot ;w;

did a lil memorial for the shadow dragons we lost :( the viper is really holding on, man, dude has a high constitution stat lmao

some kickass views

😭😭😭 she can't keep getting away with itttt this was so good

FUCK YEA!!!!!

this bit cracked me up lmao idk if it was intentionally a reference to fandom.... but i was like "hehe well i thought it was very likely >:3" (still not over the headcanon becoming canon there omg) emmrich and bellara talking about writing a paper together tho was lovelyyyy.

then i finally got to do bellara's personal quests and she became the second companion to make me cry

oughh. this was a damn whirlwind. thinking we'd have to kill him, then him betraying anaris, then getting flung into the wall so hard i didnt know if he was still alive, and then he was, but oh no not for long AAAA poor bellara

hardest decision since minrathous vs treviso. not the second-hardest decision i've had to make, though... that one is still coming up later in this post. in the end, i went with freeing the archive, but it was a struggle. i just figured that the dalish can carve their own path now, and given time, they can create something even better than what they had in the past, hopefully without the dark parts overshadowing it. there was a good line later, at the funeral, that i liked a lot too--everything the dalish have been through can't be erased, and those hardships shaped them. who they are now means a lot too, even if they had so much taken from them. yknow, its the idea that going through trauma can teach you a lot, can make you stronger. no one should have to go through that, but a lot of people who've experienced certain kinds of trauma wouldn't actually erase what happened to them because it's just too much an integral part of who they've become. it's terrible, how much the dalish lost, but i think looking to the future is a pretty good way forward. i really did consider both though. in bellara's hands, that knowledge could have done good. but it was also a risk, and bellara is just as capable of doing good all from her own heart and mind <3

the funeral is the part where i cried a bit. particularly when neve showed up

criiiiiess. i love this fucking team so much.

i continued on to emmrich's questline. which is where i encountered the second-hardest decision in the game so far lmao

as we're hunting johanna down....

lucanis please loool

good lord this thing... both cool and spooky. reminds me of the human reaper in mass effect 2.

i was compleeeetely blindsided by manfred's sacrifice T_T i didn't even think to worry about such an outcome. bioware how could you!! not manfred!!! baahh the relationship between emmrich and manfred is so good actually...

my heart

thus, the second-hardest decision in the game so far! i felt so unqualified to make this choice. but i thought about it a lot and in the end, i encouraged emmrich to become a lich. this is a choice where im SUPER curious to know what other people did. i may also end up writing some meta about it eventually. it definitely got the thinkpan spinning.

and the teams reaction to it was fucking hilarious.

incredible

and thiiis

is actually SO ideal for me. im also a necrotic bitch and zevran's sword means i've got necrotic weapons constantly. oh emmrich and i are gonna fuck enemies up together.

went onto neve's questline next! i loved the part in the cobbled swan where we were sitting in between elek and rana in this train of people all planning a mission together from different tables. it made me feel like a spy 😂

the blood puppeting was sooo creepy. and i hadn't realized halos was one of the missing people D: hal no! but it was a fun and badass fight.

fear.jpg

but it went okay! neve was badass. the game kinda plays up working with the threads as being some kind of risky, renegade option which i dont entirely understand, honestly! i didn't have a choice because i chose to save treviso before, but i liked it this way regardless. it felt right to work with the threads. waaay back when i had the option to make a deal with them, i didnt even think twice. perhaps i forgot an important detail about the threads haha i know they're criminals but i'm the wrong person to give a shit about breaking tevinter laws. the threads lost just as much as the shadow dragons here, and i VIBE with elek's "this is our city" statements. hell yeah, this is our city, we're both protecting it from the shadows, lets fucking go.

FELLAS....

ohh its so rewarding to see the whole team bonding, even the ones who didn't get along at all initially. my heart is full of love every time i make the rounds through the lighthouse to see what everyone is up to. i'm gonna start sounding like a broken record eventually with how often i gush about the character dynamics but this is just!!! the best shit ever!!!!! and it feels like it never runs out?? mass effect 3 had this as well, but there were only so many moments, otherwise the characters were just in their usual spot and didnt have anything to say. but no matter how many times i go around, there are new scenes and dialogues i cannot believe it... so many!! finally some good fucking food.

so yes. it was a big day :> next time i'm gonna start with taash's questline. so excited for it.

[oncominggstorm]

Haha you gotta take on the challenge now! How about my favorite song: Never Forget You by Zara Larsson? 😁

Ok yeah this was hard lol. Here’s what I came up with, it’s meh. I just picked two random names:

Ella and Theo were each other’s first loves. They grew up in a small town. Theo had lived there all his life. Ella had moved to the town from a bigger city when she was 13 and her parents had just got divorced. She was feeling very sad and alone, due to her parents separating, her having to leave all her friends and move to a new town, and feeling like she wasn’t fitting in at school. One day a group of kids were being mean to her, and Theo stood up for her, and introduced himself. They became best friends, and eventually ended up falling in love when they got older and started dating. They thought they’d be together forever. But Theo was a very talented musician and had big dreams to make it in the music industry. However, Ella couldn’t leave her hometown. Her mom had become ill and they couldn’t afford to hire help, so Ella had to stay to care for her ailing mother. Theo got an offer for a recording contract, but it would require him to move to Los Angeles, and he refused to leave without Ella. But Ella didn’t want to hold Theo back from his dreams, so she broke up with him, so that he would be able to pursue his music career. Even though it broke her heart.

Ten years go by. Ella never forgets Theo. She thinks about him every day. Ella’s life has not gone as she’d planned. She’s had a few relationships, but nothing ever felt right. She always knew she would never love anyone other than Theo. She’s been lonely, stuck in a dead end job in a small town she hates, with no time for a social life due to her caregiving duties. Ella’s mother eventually passes away, and Ella moves to a new city to try to get a fresh start. Theo has had a successful career as a musician, and is currently on tour with his band. One night, Ella is alone at a bar and starts getting harrassed by a group of men. A stranger comes up and tells them to knock it off. He turns around, and it’s Theo. Sticking up for her again just like he did when they first met. He’s in town for his tour, and came to the bar to relax with his bandmates after their show. They sit down to catch up, and Ella decides to confess that she still loves him after all this time. And the song is then basically her confessing that to him.

Soooo yeah that’s all I got 🤷‍♀️ I think it at least sorta fits the song anyway lol

Anyway yeah that was hard 😝 Thanks :)

[eddywoww]

hopefully ill soon be able to read those exclusive one shots on your patreon!!! shit has kinda hit the fan for me these past couple weeks lol and dont have a whole at the moment butttttt things have been looking up!!! im crossing my fingers that maybeeee in a couple of months ill be able to afford to support you and show you how much i appreciate you, lee!!! you’ve seriously become one of my favorite steddie authors and im so proud to see how far you’ve gotten. your writing (imo) had matured so much and sometimes ill go back to some of your older-ish fics just for funsies haha!! to me it feels like rewatching your favorite movie for the 30th time and being on the edge of your seat despite already knowing what happens (lord knows ive done that way too many times!!) i’m so sorry that the universe hasn’t been fair to you lately. please do not give up, i promise it’ll get better soon. i know what it feels like to feel lost and like youre viewing and living your life in the third person. please take care of yourself!! we love and appreciate you. 🤍 (P.S. happy late valentines day!)

You’re really so sweet, my god.

Thank you, I really mean it. Also please PLEASE do not worry about supporting me. I value people just reading my stuff and supporting on ao3, I wouldn’t want you to ever worry about it or anything like that. I needed to hear something positive and this message is so kind and amazing, thank you. I really appreciate you and I’m glad you like my stuff enough to read it even more than once.

[chuckabeth]

I don’t know why I’ve suddenly been imbued with the audacity of actually writing a real tumblr post instead of just reglobbing but um

On behalf of myself and all immunocompromised people

PLEASE GET YOUR SHOTS THIS SEASON

Please

I didn’t used to exempt myself from seasonal vaccines. I don’t even want to, I don’t even like it. But my body’s defenses and reactions are so frail and inflamed that if I take the shot, I will get sick. Really sick. Probably weeks of real pain and illness and slow recovery overreacting to the vaccine, and it will cost me my grades, my social life, my mental health, and that’s when a billion different logistical and health hurdles are already threatening my tenuous hold on those things as it is. I have to work so hard, and make decisions so, so carefully just to maximize the possibility that I’ll hopefully! Hopefully. Be well. Or at least well enough.

I have misunderstood and untreatable autoimmune disease(s) that have (in all likelihood) damaged my organs and decreased my ability to digest food and absorb vitamins on my own. I’m already in so much pain and fatigue every day that I (thank the Lord that I have this resource) use a wheelchair to help me get around without making myself sicker just from the strain of doing the regular stuff.

I have had COVID at least once. Thankfully I had taken the vaccine that time. But the vaccine reaction was almost as bad as the real thing. BUT if you’re healthy, (or at least healthier than me) THIS WILL NOT BE TRUE FOR YOU. You can afford a couple days of feeling a little under the whether. Right? I feel under the weather or worse literally every day of my friggin life, and often I just get on with things.

So…. Do it for me? So I don’t get long COVID? Or just like, the flu? Or other things that are popping up! Wear a mask and stay home if you can when you’re sick, thoughI know the latter is very difficult to get away with for so many. I just ask because these things could actually damage me in ways they might not damage you. And if you don’t do it for me, do it for the people that could just be straight up killed by a respiratory illness. That stuff spreads so easily, and they are likely locked up in their houses just as painfully as you were in lockdown trying to stay alive. Yet, like you, they have lives and hopes and dreams and are worthy of human decency and care and respect. But believe me, we don’t often feel enough of it, let alone from our doctors. All too often not even from our own families.

Or, you know, like, do it for yourself and other able bodied people who could suddenly find yourselves in our position through this Long COVID stuff. I know!! I know it feels like naw that would never happen to you. Is this stuff even for real? But trust me trust me, it can, it will. A lot of us sickies were like you once. And a lot of us still don’t have answers for what “went wrong.” And realizing that none of us are all that different, that we’re al in this together actually! Is one of the first biggest steps to compassionate and real, noticeable change. Caring enough about others and their needs enough to be mindful about simple stuff.

And hey, MAYBE just on your own, none of it will be enough. But at least you can look back and comfort yourself saying you tried. You didn’t take our lives for granted.

LOL anyway I’m just so nervous about school this winter please help me get my bachelor’s in as much peace as possible

[surrogate-fawn]

The waiting to try stage is the worst, currently counting down the days till my partner is done with their current job so we can look at moving and starting our family, i have a calendar event set and everything lol

God, I'd kill to have any kind of concrete date like that. Buck still hasn't applied for a better job and I don't have one at all yet. Even when I *do* get one, it won't be enough to build a life around -- unless I managed to get a promotion or a raise (which feels unlikely, given my recent job history).

The most I have is that Buck has a legal paper saying we can move out in two years, but even Buck is doubtful we'll be able to afford a house by then.

((Heavy mental health journaling under the cut))

Having a *really* bad morning and I'm feeling an empty pit of hopelessness about literally everything right now. Don't know how to make it better. Mom's celebration of life is tomorrow and I'm ill just thinking about it. Her death has me thinking about how hard my adult life is gonna be now without her support, and how all the hope I ever felt in regards to her was pointless.

Literally *all* of my hopes and dreams have been killed in the span of two years. My career, my family life, and the creative goals I've held since early childhood are nothing but dust in the wind. Honestly, it feels like starting a family is the only thing I have to live for now -- and even thats going to be unbearably hard because I won't have my mom to turn to for support. But even so, it's literally the only dream I have left -- and it's hanging by spider silk.

Each year has been progressively worse than the last since college began. I'm terrified of how much worse it's going to be if this trend doesnt end and end right the fuck NOW.

[houseofwomn]

2, 14, and 22 for emily !

from this list

Hey! Thank you so much for asking c: 

2: Do they have any daily rituals?

Emily is all about routines. She’s very insistent on drinking four mugs of pitch-black coffee throughout the day. She was never able to afford those high-tech coffee machine shit – she just sticks with her this ancient French press handed down from her father when he passed. 

For Trystan, his daily rituals are all about his clothes lol. He’s a bit like a cartoon character, he wears the same outfit every day. The same black steel ring on his left index finger, a fancy schmancy black suit and tie, you know. 

14: Abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food intolerances, etc.) 

Trystan still has a large scar on his abdomen from being stabbed by Tony. It’s healed now, and now it looks a bit like an oblong stretch mark. 

Also - the question mentions disabilities and I wanted to say that recently I’ve been headcanoning Emily and Trystan as Autistic and ADD/ADHD. This idea isn’t fully fleshed out yet - but honestly in canon both of them give the biggest AUADHD-coded vibes ever you know?? Emily’s special interest is 100% her job – it’s her biggest passion and it’s quite literally her entire life. I’d imagine Trystan’s special interests would be food! And Drakovia culture/history as well - it’s pretty clear how much he loves his homeland.

22: Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

Emily would doodle or journal random tidbits about her day - jotting down any new things about whatever case she’s currently on. Maybe she’ll map out her calendar, making a whole list of errands and annoying Adult Shit to do for the week. 

Trystan would probably accidentally create The Most Beautiful Creation ever. Like, leave him alone in a room with just paper and pencils and what have you for a few hours and he’ll make the most jaw-dropping art you’ll ever see. Emily is just constantly gagged coming home late to see The Most Gorgeous Still Lifes imaginable. 

I am SO SORRY this took forever. You know - blah blah blah writers block etc etc has been eating me up recently. So I’m glad I was finally able to answer at least one of these questions! I’ll be sure to eventually answer all of my inboxes :) 

[katyspersonal]

I used to take meds back then from autumn 2018 to autumn 2019. They were helping with paranoia, hyperactivity, impulsivity, anger issues, delusions, panic attacks, etc, you get the drill. They had good effects, such as me having been rather calm (to the point people were joking about how nothing could ever anger or scare me, lol), as well as more focused on writing or drawing things more than I've ever been in my life. But also they've made me so sleepy that I basically barely finished my last uni year when dozing off at every class, and I had a hard time providing the engaged, invested, "nerdy" conversations on every other topic like I do. I just quit them because not only being sleepy ALL the time would not let me work a job normally, but I also started to worry that I've been losing myself as a person. I was just so... detached and boring in conversations while medicated? Like you guys here know me as a person who is chronically like this:

But when I was medicated, it was far not this way. I was giving like... kinda tame and normie responses and thoughts, still excited but not TOO excited, etc. I am surprised that even while being a total slug on meds, I still had it in me to start fearing of losing my "eyes on the inside" xd

But I've been just thinking about stuff recently. I still loathe it when it is being handled like "you are a dangerous harmful monster that doesn't deserve compassion and trust and should be exciled from society", obvs, but the problem itself exists. I am kinda too intense, too much, too impulsive, my mood can drastically flicker within a second and flicker back just as fast. And I am paranoid. This year I even exhausted another paranoid person with being worse at it than them :/ (it always reminds me of a dream I had once, where Mic0lash of all people told me that I was "too crazy" for him fdshfh xD) I am extremely blessed to have friends and simply familiar people who accept and love me the way I am, but I am really starting to think that maybe I should delve back into it. That maybe something was wrong with the meds or the dose I used to be taking and I should try again. It is just really strange that being healthier would be able to "ruin" my passionate, nerdy, engaged personality. I've always been 'over the top' with how I think and with my creativity, even before any mental illness showed up, so sure it is just me and not any sort of positive symptom...? Like, clearly this is just my autism, not one of those other "mental illness" guys?

Well, all this talk is just in the scenario if I get enough financial stability to be able to afford monthly repackaging of meds. I am just having second thoughts on whether it is really a choice with no good option, and that maybe that previous doctor just made a mistake with prescriptions (could happen with anyone, even a professional). Or maybe I needed to demand trying something else but didn't. And I just assumed that "meds are a diabolic device to destroy a creative, nonconforming brain" (notice how it itself sounds a bit like a paranoid delusion, so clearly those meds were not quite helping with it lol). Not gonna lie, I am still scared that being calmer will kill the "real me", but at this point pain, paranoia and anger keep chopping away from my days and from my good experiences. And I can't control it.

But maybe I just should not have expected to hit the right way instantly, some people try out different meds for years before they find something that genuinely makes life better. Like maybe I got scared of how things have changed and gave up too soon, when I should have like, bugged doctor to try something else. I just want to believe that I don't have to choose between "being nerdy and engaged" and "stopping having panic/anger attacks that quite literally make me lose my mind". At least I gather enough optimism and benefit of the doubt to consider delving into it again, so there is something..