surrogate-fawn

[surrogate-fawn]

[surrogate-fawn]

please please please please reblog if you’re a writer and have at some point felt like your writing is getting worse. I need to know if I’m the only one who’s struggling with these thoughts

[surrogate-fawn]

"i wonder if we ever think of each other at the same time."

[surrogate-fawn]

I'm warm and cozy and want a baby in my belly. What's so hard to understand about that. I'm tired.

[surrogate-fawn]

Im 28 as well, and oh man do I kinda fear the reaction to being pregnant/ttc in my 30s, but theres no real justification for trying in the next couple of years, wouldn't be fair on the kid (let alone me or my partner) but man sometimes i wish I could. Just skip the birth control im on, life is stressful and work makes me exhausted so it makes sense I'd forget, and then "huh my periods late, must be stress" I do want to have like a "life window" talk, instead of a timeline for specific goals, just a window where/when I want it.

It felt like it took forever for Buck and I to have a "life window" plan. No concrete dates, which freaks me out, BUT we're looking into the process of buying a house! Approaching that life goal has me feeling hopeful. Ideally, we'll buy a house within two years (not our "forever home" but a nice place to start out).

Once we have a home we plan to get married, and if all goes to plan THEN we can discuss when we want to stop using birth control. By then, I expect to be in my . . . *sigh* early-to-mid thirties. But maybe I won't be doomed.

I mean, my mother had her first baby (me) at 32 in 1996 and then my younger sibling in 1999 at 35, and she had no real problem conceiving us naturally. HER mother had her in the 1960's at 32 without issue. Also I have a genetic aunt who had her children in her late thirties and early forties and as far as I know needed no fertility help. So, genetically, I have no family history of age-related fertility issues or birth defects. Then there's non-blood family members who had babies in their thirties and had no issues.

I suppose I worry so much because I have PCOS that has symptoms that have increased over time -- mostly a lot of unwanted facial hair. :( I don't think anyone else in my family has that official diagnosis.

I had my ovaries looked at last year and they said my uterus and ovaries are normal, and the cysts on my ovaries are very small. So my PCOS doesn't seem to be causing any physical threats, just hormonal issues -- I haven't had a period in two months.

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I keep worrying about if I'm even ovulating -- that's my biggest fear: that I'm not actually ovulating. But buying an ovulation test would be silly when I'm not TTC.

From what I've read, TTC with PCOS basically means having sex as often as you can because you can't predict when your body will decide it wants to ovulate. And worst case scenario, I'll need to stick myself with a needle filled with fertility drugs. I'm already planning for medical intervention because I'm paranoid I'm gonna need it.

Basically, so much really bad shit has happened in my life constantly for the last three years that my mind's kinda snapped -- I now always assume that something really horrendous is destined to happen to me. I'll see an example of someone similar to me have a success story and I'll think: "Yeah, but God hates me so it can't be that easy for me." I'm not even religious but after my very religious mother died to cancer, I firmly believe if a God exists they hate my family (other tragic family stuff before her death compounded on this).

I miss the days when I wasn't living in fear of the next horrible thing that's going to happen. I feel somewhat at peace, knowing I'm living my worst nightmare (losing my mom young) but I'm still alive. If I can keep living after that, then maybe I'm strong enough to deal with whatever horrible thing the universe decides to throw at me next.

Yet . . . knowing full well that if I had seen this future coming as a younger person, I would've chosen not to live it at all . . . is a terrifying thought. But, now that I'm here anyway . . . might as well keep going.

[surrogate-fawn]

[surrogate-fawn]

[40 weeks]

I feel so heavy and tired, and my belly feels so itchy and uncomfortable with certain fabrics- like this shirt. If I can find the energy, I’ll need to do laundry today, they’re only certain things that don’t bother me as much. My belly looks lower, I feel like it must’ve been changing over the last couple weeks because at least I don’t feel nearly as much pressure on my chest. But now I have to get up to pee constantly! Doctor says it really should be any day now, I’m so ready to meet this baby. I feel huge. 

[surrogate-fawn]

posting niche fic on ao3 is like releasing a small creature into the wild and hoping it survives and finds sustenance

[surrogate-fawn]

Sometimes I re-read old messages I've received from accounts that have since been deactivated, for one reason or another. I hope y'all are doing okay out there, you Tumblr mayflies. Some of you were truly memorable .

[surrogate-fawn]

NSFT would you rather

1. Be over-stimulated or edged?

2. be a voyeur or have semi-public sex?

3. Finger yourself or follow guided masturbation?

4. Watch yourself in a mirror or listen to a recording of yourself?

5. Honey or ice?

6. Sleep in lingerie or nude?

7. Receive a voice memo or a nude from a mutual?

8. Shaved or bushy?

9. Grope yourself or be groped?

10. Cuddle under a blanket or sleep nude together?

11. Airplane sex or elevator sex?

12. Kitchen sex or shower sex?

13. Pool sex or workplace sex?

14. Watch porn or read erotica?

15. Receive or send a dirty message while at work?

16. Have your dirty thoughts shared with those around you or know the dirty thoughts of those around you?

17. Watch wlw or mlm porn?

18. Hump a pillow or use a vibrator?

19. Boobs or butt?

20. Lose your virginity together or lose to someone well-seasoned?

21. Get fingered in the library or at a nightclub?

22. Receive or perform oral?

23. Have “ok” sex daily or amazing sex once a week?

24. Doggy or missionary?

25. Physical touch or quality time?

26. Moan or scream?

27. Lace or latex?

28. White or black lingerie?

29. Have someone remote control your vibrator or control it for someone else?

**This was copied from another post. That blog didn’t have their reblogs on so full credit to them but since they didn’t want them shared, I won’t tag them out of respect. It’s a blog I follow and love and don’t want them to get bothered. These were just too good not to share.

[surrogate-fawn]

"it's coming, i can feel it."

there's nothing more embarrassing than standing up to take my soaked underwear off so desperately because the baby's coming now - the urge to give birth. i get on the bed on my hands and knees and grunt in front of someone that didn't even know i was pregnant until five minutes ago.

[surrogate-fawn]

Saving up to move out, so I'm offering preg progression comms! Below is an example of what you can request, including different expressions and belly sizes! Offering these at $75, with additional stages (including water breaking) at +$10! Will take 1 month to make! Hmu if interested!

[surrogate-fawn]

[When I tell you that the moment we left the driveway I knew we weren't going to make it; I mean it. The icy horrible road conditions slowing us down didn't help things either. I could feel the baby coming, and I felt like I had to push literally as soon as we left. I tried to stop things from progressing but I knew there was no way I could fight it- it was a little too late and baby 8 was coming now. We were within 5 miles of the hospital when I finally couldn't fight the urge to push anymore so I got in the backseat and we delivered a healthy baby boy on the side of the road during a snowstorm. It wasn't at all how I had envisioned my birth plan going- but after being through this 7 times before, I know that sometimes these things don't quite go as planned! fastest labor I've ever had after so much waiting on this little guy!]

[Mason Carter- 9lbs and 10oz. Another huge boy lol ! He really surprised us because we really felt sure it was a girl this time!! but we're so glad he's here and we're settled at the hospital for a day before we can bring him home. This might be our last baby, although never say never???]

[surrogate-fawn]

Daydreaming about my book:

Writing my book:

[surrogate-fawn]

[surrogate-fawn]

Is this a problem?