#one chapter and one epilogue? bc usually that's how it goes | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

btsgotjams27 · 1 year ago

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this is us ~ jjk | 19

✨ title: this is us | (sequel to all grown up) ✨ pairing: jungkook x f!reader | ✨ rating: m/18+ | minors dni ✨ genre/au: drama, romance, angst, fluff, smut | est!relationship, age gap, best friend's younger brother ✨ playlist | ✨ if you haven't read the prequel to this, please do so here! :) ✨ a/n: y'all, we're getting closer and closer to the ending of their story :( :( there's one last chapter and an epilogue T_T i'm sorry that it took so long to get this chapter out. i was stuck on it for the longest time bc ya know, i suuuuck at writing seggsy things, but i hope y'all enjoy it anyway. there were a few words left for me to use, so you'll see them in bold (we also have one more line, but we'll save that until the end hehe. iykyk). and as always, please like, reblog, scream (or not) at me, send me asks. i love it all. i hope you're all doing well.

[ SERIES MASTERLIST ] | next ✨ 20 ~ ending credits

chapter nineteen ~ together again | wc: 9.7k warnings: we’re back to fluffy, domestic shit 😭 (finally), they love and miss each other so much, again—lots of talking and conversations (with yoongi, yuna, namjoon), bamie is a big boy and goes on a flight, lots of hugs, kisses, touching (what else is new), our TIU babies are being grown ass adults and sharing their feelings (whutttt—who are they? like the character growth? i’m sobbing), references to jk’s weverse lives, mentions of death, language smut warnings: i am sorry (not sorry) for all the seven references, protected sex (they haven’t been with anyone else since they broke up, but they’re being safe, and to our surprise, it’s kook’s suggestion), jk is a lil dommy, use of lube, dirty talk, oral (f. receiving), fingering (from the front and behind—don’t judge me), titty sucking, kissing, groping, overstimulation (i blame his weverse live), one small convo during seggs, a lil pussy slapping, lil spanks, light light light anal play (don’t judge me��he just puts his thumb on it….), jk wants to savor every moment with oc, but she's needy af

~ Three weeks later ~

The Netflix meeting in LA was a bust, but you wouldn’t let it bring you down. At least Kenji was courteous enough to call you and apologize about his friend. He thought he was doing you a favor but hadn’t realized how slimy Zach was.

The brunch tradition continued with Hyunie, Tae, and Yoongi, but this time, Hyunie didn’t want to host and suggested going out. You didn’t mind at all. It would be nice to get out of the house and get some fresh air.

And as usual, the married couple was running late. You greeted Yoongi, taking a seat beside him. His hair had grown a significant amount since you last saw him. It suited him well, you thought.

“Nice ring,” he said, gawking at the diamond-encrusted jewelry on your fourth finger.

You still needed to get used to it—sometimes, you forgot you had it on. “Oh, thanks,” you mumbled, tucking your hand underneath your thigh. This was the first time you saw Yoongi since leaving for LA, and you were sure he would crack down on what happened.

“I’m guessing you didn’t want to live with the ‘what ifs’ and called lover boy.” He smirked, and a light chuckle left his lips. Honestly, he called it—knew you couldn’t resist, was too lovesick over him just to give up so easily.

“Actually, I didn’t call him. We kind of just—found each other.” And you weren’t lying! You didn’t reach out to him, had no idea you’d bump into him.

Yoongi holds the butter knife upright in his hand, pushing the tip into the blush pink napkin. “Found each other, huh?” he said with disbelief laced in his tone as he looked at you.

You hummed in agreement when your eyes met his. He slowly nodded, not believing a word coming out of your mouth.

“What?” you asked, annoyed at your friend.

He shrugged, putting the butter knife down. “I didn’t say anything.”

You deadpanned. “You didn’t have to. Your face said it all.”

Before your LA trip, you were wavering between what to do and ultimately decided not to call Jungkook. It wasn’t your fault you happened to be at the same hotel at the same time. One might call it destiny.

He wanted to humor you. “Okay—what did my face say then?”

You gawked at him. “That you think I’m dumb for going back to someone who cheated on me.”

“Damn, I’m kind of harsh,” he laughed.

You pursed your lips and nudged his shoulder. “Just be happy for me.”

Yoongi scoffed. “I didn’t say anything, and you’re putting words into my mouth.” You wave him off. “Didn’t I tell you that whatever decision you made would be the right one? You obviously chose one way, and the universe chose another.”

You couldn’t help but dramatically gasp, hand on your chest. “Does Min Yoongi believe in destiny? What’ve you done with the grumpy grandpa persona?”

His upper lip raises in annoyance. “He didn’t go anywhere. He’s still here.” He straightens his blueberry milk grandpa-colored cardigan.

“I can’t wait for you to meet him,” you said, sipping your water. Yoongi doesn’t say anything. He just grunts. “You’ll like him; you will.” He grunts again, finally breaking into a smile.

“I’m happy for you. I’m glad you guys are back together.”

“You are?”

“Yeah, so I can fucking stop hearing about you complain and be all googly eyes for him all the time.”

You playfully shove him. “Shut up. I did not talk about him that much.”

“You shut up, and yes, you did,” Yoongi spat back, cocking his head.

The two of you continued to bicker, nudging and shoving until Kim Taehyung interrupted, “Yah, yah, yah! What are you two fighting about?”

“Nothing!” The two of you said in unison.

If there was one person’s opinion you came to respect within the last year, it was Yoongi’s. You appreciated that he was always willing to listen, even though you sometimes felt he didn’t want to—regardless, he was still a good friend and did it anyway. You loved how straightforward he was and didn’t have many friends who could be gentle, supportive, and direct. You were happy he had unexpectedly come into your life when you needed someone the most.

The remote had become your best friend these last few days. You didn’t want to start a new drama in case it disappointed you, so you opted for your favorite: Start-Up.

Almost a year later, not having watched it. You had forgotten how much it made you kick your feet, giggle, and cry an ocean of tears. Rewatching these episodes just made you fall more in love with Bae Suzy and Nam Joo-hyuk, and maybe you were feeling all mushy gushy because you and Jungkook rekindled your romance.

The tissue you had in hand had become damp when you wiped away your tears again. It was the fifth one, and you were only halfway through the episode when your phone started buzzing.

When you saw ‘boyfie’ light up on the screen, you wiped any mascara that smudged and fixed your hair before answering. You didn’t want him thinking you were crying because of him.

“Hello?”

The screen is fairly dim from Jungkook’s end. All you could hear was him groaning before he croaked out a ‘hi.’

You giggled, checking the time on your phone. “Isn’t it early for you?”

“Too early,” he replied, carding his hand through his fluffy hair to get a better look at you. He moves the phone closer, narrowing his eyes. “Are you crying? Why are you crying?” He shifted into an upright position against the headboard.

“I’m just watching Start-Up. I promise. No one made me cry.” He had a look of relief on his face before he slumped down onto his pillow. “Kook, go back to sleep. I’ll talk to you later.”

Jungkook shook his head and pouted. “I’m fine, baby. I missed you. That’s why I called.” He slumped further down the bed, pulling the duvet underneath his chin. “I’m pretending this blanket is you.” He nuzzled his face into it.

He missed you that much, huh? Well, you missed him and couldn’t wait to be with him again. You didn’t know how people could have long distance relationships, three weeks was really too long for anyone to be apart.

“You’re such a dummy.”

“Your dummy?” he asks with a close-lipped smile.

You hummed. “My dummy.”

Seeing Jungkook so cozy and snuggled up made you want to do the same. You grabbed a throw blanket that was settled into a basket next to the couch. Your attention went back to Jungkook, who looked like he had fallen asleep. You rolled your eyes because you had told him just to sleep.

“Boyfie?”

Jungkook groaned and inhaled a deep breath before popping up with sleepy eyes. “Yeah, baby?”

You weren’t going to lie. Him calling you baby and you calling him boyfie was making your insides all tangled up. “Go to sleep. Dream some good dreams, okay?”

“My dream is right in front of me. I don’t need to dream.”

You shifted your position, leaning back on a throw pillow, legs spread across the couch. “Were you always this cheesy?”

“Only when I’m with you,” he mumbled into the blanket again as he dozed off.

At this point, you were happy you didn’t have anything lined up for you because your new job was making sure this baby star candy didn’t fall asleep with a candle lit or something. But good thing you also had Bamie on your side. He would surely come to the rescue of his owner and their crazy antics.

“Baby,” he grumbled, looking at his screen.

You answer softly, ‘Yeah’, snuggling yourself into the blanket, the little screen of your boyfie in front of you.

“I put in my two weeks' notice at work and told my landlord about breaking my lease.”

He had discussed moving back, and you felt guilty for him having to do so. It would’ve been easier for you to move out there, granted, LA was the place to live if you wanted more writing opportunities, but he insisted he wanted to be near family and friends.

“I feel bad,” you admit.

Jungkook perks up, shifting against his headboard again. “What? Why? Please don’t feel bad. I want to move back.”

“I know, but I feel like I’m taking you away from your life, and then you have to bring Bamie on such a long flight too, then you’ll have to start over—find a new job, a new place.” You could continue listing many things, but you decided to stop overthinking.

“I’m not worried about finding a new job. I’ll probably talk to my old boss and see if they have anything open for me. And in terms of a new place, I could just stay with you.”

You visibly gulped when he said that. “Like move in with me?”

Jungkook pouts, nervously toying with his lip ring. “Do you not want that?” he asked with apprehension in his voice.

“I, um, I mean, don’t you think my place is too small for Bam?” You have had your apartment for the longest time since graduating college. Even when you were with Kenji and U-jin, you were always at their place because it was bigger, but when you were with Jungkook, it always felt like home, just big enough for the two of you, and you didn’t think Bamie would like how small your place was. He was a big pup and deserved something better than your dinky little apartment.

“We could just get a new place together,” Jungkook suggested nonchalantly, like there was no weight to his words.

You squint your eyes. “Jeon Jungkook, is this your subtle way of asking me to move in with you?”

Jungkook chuckled. “I can’t get anything past you, huh? But yes, it makes sense, right?” He had been sitting on the thought since discussing wanting to move back. It wouldn’t make sense to go back and forth between two apartments.

“I mean, yeah, you were practically living here anyway, and I’d want Bamie to have someplace where he could have more space.” Bamie was a big boy, and you wanted him to be comfortable too.

“So,” Jungkook’s smile grew, “We’re moving in together?”

You stared blankly at your boyfie. “You technically didn’t ask me yet.”

He cleared his throat. “Babe, baby, sweetheart, the love of my life. Will you move in with me?”

Love of his life, hmm? You could get used to him saying that. You sighed. “I don’t know. You’re kind of a messy guy,” you teased.

Jungkook scoffed. “Me? Messy? Have you seen my apartment? It’s spotless—”

“Kook! I’m kidding. I know you’re the cleaning and laundry fairy—and yes, I would love to move in with you.” You knew moving in with Jungkook would mean you wouldn’t be allowed to clean or do your own laundry again. But that was a good trade-off, right?

He giggled, slumping from his sitting position onto his side. “I can’t wait. This’ll be so much fun.”

Although Jungkook had slept at your place almost 24/7 when you were together, you wouldn’t be aware of his late-night cooking and karaoke sessions until much later.

You purse your lips and roll your eyes. “I’ll start looking for places today, so everything will be ready by the time you arrive.”

“Perfect.”

Moving in together was a big step, and you didn’t want to overanalyze this choice. If you and Jungkook were still together, you figured at one point or another, the natural progression in a relationship would be to move in. This decision felt good, it felt right.

You were moving the last of your boxes, ensuring everything would go smoothly before Jungkook and Bamie’s arrival. Your phone ringtone goes off; of course, it’s the boyfie.

“Hey,” you answered. “What’s going on? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I, um, I couldn’t sleep, so I called.”

You knew he had an early flight returning to Seoul in a few hours and wondered why he was still up. “Too excited, hmm?” you chuckled.

His soft chuckle made it seem like something else was on his mind. “Something like that.”

“I’m kidding, boyfie. Tell me what’s on your mind,” you asked as you sat on the floor against the empty white wall. The apartment seemed spacious with nothing in it but you and a few boxes.

Jungkook sighed. “This is gonna sound stupid.”

“Come on, you can tell me. We talked about being open, right?”

“Um, remember when you were here, and we were talking, and you said you almost let someone you know in a bathroom?”

You didn’t mean to laugh aloud, but you couldn’t help it. “That’s what’s keeping you up? A distant memory of me almost sleeping with some guy?” You shuddered thinking about that moment–boy, you were really unhappy, weren’t you? But you understood where he was coming from, though. You were sure he was just curious.

“Yeah…”

“You’re adorable,” you teased, shaking your head and wanting to kiss him through the phone.

“Shut it,” he grumbled, burying his face into his duvet.

“You’re so cute. I just wanna pinch your cheeks. I’ll be sure to do so when you get here. My cutie patootie wittle bunny is jealous I almost slept with someone,” you giggled. You always knew Jungkook was the jealous type. He wouldn’t even let Namjoon help you with peeling a perilla leaf–what a weirdo.

“Okay—I’m hanging up now,” he said.

“No, no, no. I’m kidding. What about it?” His little spurt of jealousy was too hard not to joke about.

“Um, have you slept with anyone else since we broke up?”

“No,” you answered quickly. Even if you wanted to, your mind and heart was full of Jeon Jungkook and no one else would even be able to take your mind off him. “He was the closest thing to me sleeping with anyone, but other than that, I haven’t slept with anyone. What about you?”

“Oh, no—you were my last,” he says confidently, like it was a flex.

“Oh—” It’s not like you were expecting him to say Alex, but you were expecting him to say Alex. It only made sense since you thought she was a big reason for him leaving. You had convinced yourself he had run back to her.

“What?” he asked, piquing his interest.

“Oh, I don’t know. I just thought—”

“You just thought I would’ve slept with someone?” There were plenty of opportunities at company functions or when he was out with Jimin and Lana, but it just didn’t feel the same for him. He didn’t want a one night stand. He wanted to be in love, have one person consume every single fiber of his being, overtake him, and if none of them were you, then no one could have him.

You didn’t want to name names and Jungkook already mentioned that Alex left the company. “I don’t know. I mean, yeah, have you seen yourself in the mirror?” Obviously, you wanted to jump his bones the moment you saw him in LA, and it was so fucking hard not to tempt him into staying at the hotel with you that night.

He laughed. “Well, I just hope that means I can fuck you when I see you,” he confessed, licking his lips and winking.

“Jeon Jungkook!”

“What? I know you’re thinking the same thing. You’re the one that wanted to tear off my clothes.”

Now you wish you didn’t say anything to him about that. You mumbled something indistinct, not clear enough for him to hear. “Good god—”

“Oh, don’t tell me you haven’t been thinking about my dick in your tight little cunt,” he said in such a confident tone.

You gasped because cocky, bratty Jungkook was back and in full swing. “Okay—goodbye—go to sleep! You have a long day of travel ahead of you!”

Jungkook couldn’t help getting in a few last words. “I can’t wait to put my mouth on your—”

You quickly ended the video call. Your pussy clenched around nothing, just thinking about Jungkook being inside you again, having his lips on your waist, his hands tracing your lines. Fuck. You might just have to break out the vibrator tonight.

Not a moment later, you received a text.

boyfie 11:35 PM you didn’t let me finish…

you 11:35 PM i’ll let you show me when you get here.

you 11:36 PM goodnight! see you soon.

Jungkook gazed at the airport’s glossy marble flooring, staring off into space while holding a bouquet of white and yellow chamomile. His flight landed earlier than expected, and picking up Bam from baggage claim was effortless. He sat in a trance, wanting to pinch himself. Was this real? Was he sitting at Incheon airport waiting for you to pick him up?

He must’ve done something good in his past life, had an angel looking out for him, or after making wishes on shooting stars, his own finally aligned back to you.

How he missed home so much. The familiarity of the city was indelible. No way to remove it from his body–he was made for Seoul.

Bam sat beside Jungkook, waiting patiently, watching people pass them by. He would show excitement whenever Jungkook mentioned your name–his tail wagging, tongue out, and panting. He was just as eager as Jungkook to see you again.

You cursed the car that took your spot even though you had signaled, indicating you were there first, but you wanted to avoid getting into an accident or tussle before picking up Jungkook and Bamie–it was the last thing you wanted.

When you walked through the sliding glass doors and up the escalators, there he was, Jeon Jungkook—the love of your life, the one who made your heart flutter, the one you couldn’t live without. He was here in the flesh, and this wasn’t a dream you’d have to wake up from.

You stood, not moving an inch, wanting to capture this moment. The pair of you had gone through so much to get to where you are, and mistakes were made along the way, but you believed the best was yet to come.

He was sitting, daydreaming like usual, with a bouquet in hand, and when he finally broke out of his daze, he stood, grinning from ear to ear like an idiot in love. Bam stood on all fours looking up at Jungkook, waiting to see if he’d give him the okay to go toward you, but Jungkook never did.

The two of you stood smiling and smitten, enamored, being in this place of a love that was never lost but only put on pause. It was like a scene out of a movie, where the long, lost lovers finally reunite and get their happy ending.

You raced to him, jumping into his arms, making him drop the bouquet. Cupping his face, you placed kisses all over. All the while, Bam barked in excitement at the sight of you.

“Someone’s excited to see me,” he said, tightening his grip around your waist.

“You have no idea.” You leaned down, capturing his lips with yours, pulling him closer, inhaling all of him, wanting to give yourself as an offering, but remembering that you were still in public and it’d have to wait.

Bam whined, looking up with his big doe eyes. Jungkook set you down. You kneeled to him, cupping his cute face. “I didn’t forget about you, Bamie,” you said before he licked your face.

You stood to kiss Jungkook again, wrapping your arms around his neck, not giving two fucks who was around or if anyone was watching. The love of your life was back, and no one could stop you from showing your devotion to him.

“God–I missed you. These last few weeks have been torture.” You’d spend every waking minute thinking about what he was doing, counting down every second until you’d see him again.

Jungkook giggled. “I could get used to this. You telling me how much you love and miss me.” He quite liked the attention and affection.

You suppose you were never the type to show this much adoration in public, but you were ready to stand on top of a building and shout to the entire world how much you loved this man. Be one of those girlfriends who captured every moment of their partner and gushed about them on social media during every made-up romantic holiday.

“I love you,” you whispered, your chin digging into his chest as you looked at him.

He hummed. “I thought I’d never hear that again,” he admitted. Since leaving for LA, he had given up hearing those three words from you.

“You’ll hear it as long as you’ll have me.”

Jungkook pulled back, both hands gently cupping your face, his starry eyes staring into yours. With a soft smile, he uttered, “I want you forever.”

Blindfolds had become a running joke between you, and you couldn’t help but continue the silly tradition. You wanted to surprise Jungkook with the new apartment, and blindfolding him was the only way to keep this secret, right?

Jungkook shuffled down the hallway, his hands out in case he ran into anything, and Bam followed his parents, tilting his head at the curious pair. Bam alarmed Jungkook by barking when he almost ran into the door.

When everyone was through the threshold, you took off his blindfold, ready for him to hopefully love this new place where you’d be creating new memories together.

Jungkook’s jaw dropped, peering around the room—from the floor to the ceiling to the sliding glass door leading to the balcony. He knew you made some good money but not this good.

“How—how did you find this place? It couldn’t have been cheap, baby.” He walked around the living room, picking up a frame that held a photo of you, him, Yuna, and Namjoon at their wedding. It was one of your first photos together as a couple.

“I know someone,” you said, wiggling your eyebrows.

When you mentioned having to look for a new place to the brunch crew, Yoongi swooped in to save the day because he had a friend who was a realtor, and they happened to have a vacant place ready for move-in.

“Are you sure we can afford this place?” he asked.

You chuckled at his hesitancy. “I got a good deal on it. Don’t worry.” Jungkook narrowed his eyes and huffed. “Come on, let me show you around,” you said, holding your hand.

This place was enticing due to the enclosed balcony, nearby restaurants and shopping, plus the orangeade lavender skies at dusk pretty much sealed the deal for you.

You had set up the perfect little area for Bam, ensuring it would feel like home with cozy new toys and his favorite chews. He didn’t even make a fuss and walked straight into his crate, snuggling up in his soft blanket.

“Well, that was easy,” you tease, thinking it’d be harder for him to adjust. But maybe the jet lag took a toll on the big guy.

“I’m gonna shower. Wash the long day off of me,” Jungkook said, leaning over to kiss you on the cheek. You uttered a soft ‘kay,’ letting him go on his way.

While he was singing away in the shower, enjoying the warm steam from the waterfall shower head, you were running around the bedroom to find the perfect outfit for bed. You didn’t know his plans, but you were ready to fuck him—every hour, every minute, every second for the next seven days. Anything was possible with Jeon Jungkook.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, you had finally chosen your outfit. It was minimal and easily discardable. Jungkook opened the bathroom door, ruffling his damp hair with a white towel, beads of water falling onto his honey skin, trailing down the expanse of his broad chest toward that silver piece of jewelry still pierced into his nipple. It took a moment for him to realize you were ogling him.

Your eyes never left his as he walked to you, sitting so prettily on the bed in one of his oversized t-shirts with nothing but lacy panties underneath. Pointing your toes, you swiveled your feet in front of you, pretending to play dumb, your hands leaning back on the bed. “So…”

You feel the softness of the white towel hanging so fucking low on his slutty waist when he knocks into your knees, spreading your legs apart. Your desire grows when you feel the heat radiating off his leg—it pierces straight to your core.

He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. You closed your eyes, letting out a small breath as you leaned into his touch. His fingers softly grazed your cheek, scanning your features, thinking how beautiful you are. “So—what should we do now?” he asked, lifting your chin so you could focus on him.

Your eyes flutter open, peering through your lashes at this drop-dead gorgeous man. With a small grin, you asked, “Mm, I don’t know. What should we do?” Your hands flew to the towel, tugging it so his waist was more visible. Leaning forward, you pressed your lips to his waist, hoping it would ease his mind, alluding to what you wanted–him.

Jungkook’s hands become entangled in your hair as you gently unravel the towel from his body and trail kisses toward his navel. His heart races, his skin tingling all over his body when your lips lead further to his growing erection.

Just as he thinks you’ll continue, you cease all contact, flashing a smirk as you look at him. “Weren’t you gonna show me what you were gonna put your mouth on?” you teased, licking your lips.

He grinned, leaning down, forcing you to lay on the bed, legs spread as he slotted between them. The warmth from his body radiated as he hovered, his hand gripping your waist and the other propping himself up. He couldn’t wait to explore you again, wondering if you were still ticklish when he kissed your shoulders or if he traced your lines, would your skin create goosebumps from his touch?

“Are you gonna show me or just stare at me all night?”

“Both,” he said, kissing your lips, then your cheek, trailing down the column of your neck. He slid his hand underneath the oversized shirt covering what he wanted, pushing it up to reveal the black lacy panties and your bare chest. You helped him by pulling the shirt over your head, exposing your naked body to his lust-filled eyes. Hands traveling across the expanse of your stomach to your breast, rolling your nipple between his fingers. His tattooed hand kneads the soft mound, eyes never leaving you.

As he advances to the already wet mess between your legs, your body arches into him. You had been thinking about fucking him all day and even felt tempted to pull out your vibrator, but who fucking needs that when you have Jeon Jungkook to get the job done?

His eyes flickered up, and he wasn’t doing much to you, but he had missed hearing your sweet gasps and whimpers.

The anticipation of what he’s gonna do has you spiraling into a deep abyss, and you’d keep falling if he didn’t bring you back. His lips pressed kisses into your thighs, his hands spreading your legs wider to access that pretty pussy he’d missed so much. If he could, he’d spend hours exploring, teasing, and riling you up, but as much as you needed a release, so did he.

Jungkook spent too many sleepless nights thinking about you. How you’d wrap your legs around him, whine and moan as you rode him, his hands guiding you, spanking you, gripping each and every part of you.

“Kook,” you mewled, almost out of breath. He looked up and hummed. “Do you even remember what I like?” you teased him.

He chuckled. “Let me show you how well I remember.” His finger toyed with the lacy fabric, looping through, pulling it higher to see your pussy peeking through it. “Fuck—I can’t wait to taste this pussy again.” He was practically salivating. His cock is so fucking hard he swears he would come if his mouth touched your lips.

He kissed the spot just above your clit, making your body squirm beneath him. Moving your panties to the side, he spread your folds with his fingers. His wet, warm tongue lay flat, licking from your entrance to your clit. Gently, he sucked on the nub, switching between sucking and licking. Repeating this over and over. Every lick, every suck, every kiss dissolves pleasure into your body.

You could feel your arousal mixed with his saliva dripping down your ass and onto your sheets. You may have to change them out seven days a week if he keeps going like this. Your hands raked through his hair, tugging him closer into your pussy, wanting more of him.

Jungkook pulled away, making you groan at the loss. “Turn around, baby.” You do as he asked, flipping onto your stomach. He admires your backside, drooling at your arousal and his saliva glistening between your legs. His hands tug off the lacy panties, tossing them aside with no care in the world. Now your ass was on full display, ready for him to pounce on and devour like the starved man he is.

He crawls onto the bed, gingerly sitting on your legs. His hands knead and massage the soft flesh of your cheeks. He leans down, kissing your shoulders, making you shudder and whimper as he trails more kisses. His hand reaches underneath you to squeeze your breast, his other hand moving toward your entrance. Jungkook inserts his middle finger, causing a soft groan from you.

“You think you can handle one more?” he whispered into your ear, and you hum in agreement. When he inserts another finger, you muffle your moan into the bed. He moves your hair out of the way. “Mm—I need to hear you, baby.”

“Please,” you begged, trying to rut back onto his fingers. “Please, I need more.”

“I don’t remember you being so needy, baby,” Jungkook teased as he lay beside you. He wanted to watch you come undone because of him. His palm makes a sharp sound against your ass as his fingers curl harder and deeper into your pussy. He’s in knuckle deep, and you’re nothing but a moaning, whining mess. You squeezed your eyes tight, mouth slack, small gasps escaping every time his fingers fuck you harder.

Jungkook removes his fingers from your entrance, gliding back and forth along your slit, just teasing you, wanting you to fucking beg. But he wouldn’t be so mean—he just wanted to take his time with you. Letting every single sensation you had not felt in over a year just wash over you, send you into another plane, another dimension. He wanted your vision to fade to black, let this orgasm be earth-shattering, explosive, making you never forget only he could make you feel this way. No other person would ever come between you again. He’d die before he’d let someone else have you. You were his and his only. He wouldn’t make the mistake of not fighting for you again.

He crawled further toward your ass, pushing your cheeks together so he could slot his hefty dick in between. The sensation makes Jungkook release a guttural groan. He had no fucking idea why he was also teasing himself at this point. He needed to feel his cock being squeezed by your tight walls. Needed to feel like he couldn’t live another day without being inside you.

His leaking tip unexpectedly slips, brushing against your entrance as he’s gliding. The two of you whine in unison at the softest touch. You just want to beg and plead, asking him to fuck you already, but knowing him, he’d tease you even more, prolonging what you really wanted. You’d just have to play along and let him do what he wants—you preferred it anyway.

Jungkook’s tattooed hand guides your waist to shift your position onto your back again. He couldn’t not look at you. Wanted to see you writhe, squirm, fall apart. His fingers are like a magnet, going straight to your pussy. Not one, two, but three fingers inside your cunt, stretching you out, getting you ready for him. You almost think you can’t take it anymore. It’s been too long since you’ve felt him inside you.

He hovers over you again, marking your neck, his free hand fondling your tit, thumb circling your pebbled nipple. All your senses go into overload when he envelopes your other nipple, licking and lapping like there’s no tomorrow. He trails kisses down your center, navel, then to your clit, sucking on it. Switching between circling and making figure 8s, all the while finger fucking you. He looks up, and you’re a mess, just like his saliva dripping down his chin and down to your ass. It’s a lewd show of how much he’s missed your pussy, like it was designed specifically for him.

You clench around his fingers, everything becoming too much for you. Your hands are balling up the sheets as he elicits moan after moan. Lifting your hips off the bed, you rut forward into his hungry mouth. “I’m gonna come.”

Jungkook pulls away and smiles. “I know, baby.” He always knows when you’re close. He could never forget.

Your moan grows louder and louder as he intensifies his speed. The fire pooling in your belly is ready to snap. He had been teasing you for too long, and you couldn’t take it anymore. A surge of waves ripple through your body. You’re quivering, knees shaking, closing in on Jungkook’s head, but he just goes deeper, not stopping. Your pussy is pulsing as he continues to overstimulate you.

You gently push him away, and he tries to go back in. “You thought I was done?” You whine and pout, closing your legs, trying to close off access to you. “I’m not done with you yet,” he said, pulling you toward him. “Just one more baby, you can do it.”

You’re still trying to settle yourself from the first orgasm. You don't know if you can handle another, but you don’t deny him. You’ll just be a crumbling mess throughout the rest of the night.

Jungkook pushes your legs up and buries his head between them again. Your body jolts at the first touch of his lips on your swollen clit. He laps between your folds, and you guide his hand toward your hole, to his surprise. You look down, and his doe eyes are wide, silently asking are you sure? You nod and smile—you know he’s wanted to for the longest time. Reaching the bedside table, you open the drawer handing him a bottle of lube.

He looks between your legs; this is everything he’s wanted. He would live here if he could, set up camp, and never leave. He squeezes a small amount onto his fingers, spreading the lube around your hole. Jungkook’s thumb is pressed lightly onto your hole, causing you to mewl. And as much as he’s wanted this and even dreamt too often about it, maybe he just liked the thought of playing with your hole.

“What’s wrong?” you asked when he stopped. You didn’t think you’d enjoy anything related to anal play, but here you were, relishing in the new sensation. It was definitely something you’d want to explore further with him.

“I, uh, you caught me off guard,” he responds.

You chuckled, never thought you could surprise Jeon Jungkook. “You don’t have to put your finger in, but I like having your thumb against it.”

“You do?”

You hummed. “It feels really good. You can just keep doing that. We can try butt stuff another time after we’ve talked about it more.” There was a look of relief on Jungkook’s face. It was good to know you could still find ways to surprise him.

“I’m sorry,” he confessed.

You shake your head. “Don’t be sorry, boyfie. Come on, I thought you said you weren’t done with me.”

Jungkook grinned, lifting your legs over his shoulders. He dives back in, licking a stripe from your entrance to your clit. He kissed your clit, and then like you wanted, he put his thumb on your hole, causing you to gasp, squeezing your eyes shut at the lightest pressure against it. Your heart pounds obscenely in your chest. Your hands card through his hair, becoming entangled, pushing him further into your pussy.

His warm, wet tongue ravishes this delicacy he’s been missing for over a year. His nose nuzzled into your clit as his tongue delved into your entrance. The combination of his mouth, tongue, nose, and thumb is sending shockwaves to the rest of your body. Your legs are shaking, becoming weaker minute by minute as he continues. You’re intoxicated, dizzy by his devotion to making you collapse.

Jungkook groans against your pussy when he feels your walls contracting. You bite back a moan, knowing you’re close to reaching your peak. You set your legs down when he pulls away, inserting two fingers into your pussy. Saliva is running down his chin, but he doesn’t give a fuck. He has a smug smile on his face as he makes eye contact with you. You’re so delectable. He could spend hours just like this.

“You gonna cum for me, baby?” he questions while working his way up to you. He’s still knuckling deep in your cunt, wet sounds filling the room. He hovers, leaning down to kiss you. You can taste and smell yourself on him, which pushes you over the edge.

He places his forehead against yours, eyes still open, watching as your hand travels to stimulate your clit, rubbing it in circles to speed along the process. Second orgasms always took a lot longer for you to reach.

Jungkook nuzzles into your neck, mouth latched onto your neck, licking and sucking subtle marks. It’s to show the rest of the world you’re his. All the while, your pussy is swallowing his fingers. You’re on the brink of losing all dignity, all composure. The fire in your belly finds its release as your walls spasm and contract around his fingers. Your legs are trembling and quaking beneath Jungkook, an overwhelming sensation floods from the top of your head to the tip of your toes. You’re seeing galaxies overtaking your existence as you finish.

As the pleasure subsides, you try to catch your breath. Jesus Christ, you haven’t even had his dick in you yet, and you’re already wiped out.

Looking over, Jungkook is lying beside you, very pleased with himself for making you come twice already. He turns to you, “Condom?”

You shook your head. “Want you raw.”

Jungkook raised his brow. “Baby,” he trailed off. Of course, considering your last scare and health issues, he wanted to feel all of you. He didn’t want to take any risks because the two of you were horny.

He gazed into your eyes. “Condom,” he said firmly. You groaned and pouted, reaching back into the side table drawer for the box of condoms. He couldn’t help but giggle. He had surely missed your eagerness to tempt him otherwise.

You didn’t think you’d find yourself back with Jungkook. You thought destiny had different plans, but everything that happened last year led you back to him. The two of you were different now—more grown up, actually talking and communicating like adults. Telling each other your wants and needs, and you really need him right now.

You’re watching his every move as he rips off the foil, his biceps flexing while rolling the condom on. “Boyfie, what’s taking so long?”

Jungkook smirks, making his way on all four towards you. He props his arms, hovering over you. He can’t believe how beautiful you are, how much he’s missed your touch, your body, the beautiful sounds you make because of him.

He brings his erect cock to your entrance, brushing against your pussy, making you whimper. He slides up and down between your folds, your arousal coating him generously. He watches as your eyes roll back, your mouth slack, soft whines escaping your sweet mouth. He holds his length, slapping it against your sensitive bud.

“Kook, please,” you plead, opening your eyes. You’ve waited long enough.

He places himself in front of your entrance. Your pussy is soaked and slick, ready to go. He gently pushes in the tip, barely scratching your walls, and he pulls out, repeating this torture until you’re squirming, writhing, pulling the sheets. You have to bite your bottom lip to not let out a sob.

Jungkook leaned down. “Wanna hear you beg for it,” he whispered into your ear before biting on your earlobe. His tip is positioned at your sex, ready to penetrate, but not before he has you whining, pleading, imploring for his dick.

You cupped his face, gazing into those starry doe eyes, pulling him down for a kiss. You don’t feel like begging again. Instead, you’d rather make him melt. “I love you, Jeon Jungkook.”

As much as he was so fucking horny at this moment. Those three words would completely destroy him in his most vulnerable state.

“I love you too,” he repeats your words.

He decided enough was enough, and there was nothing else to do but actually fuck you. He watches your face overtaken by pleasure as he pushes in, stretching you inch by inch.

Fuck—you forgot how fucking big he was and how full he made you feel. Jungkook thrusts slowly, looking down as his dick disappears into your soaked cunt. He takes your tit in your mouth again, licking and flicking. Then he props himself onto his knees, shifting you forward, raising your legs to rest on his shoulders so he could penetrate deeper. Your tits shimmy in sync with his thrusts.

Jungkook bites down on his lip. “God, I missed this. Missed you—this pussy—always so fucking tight for me.” He continued rutting into you persistently before he halted.

Your head pops up, your arms propped on the bed. “Is everything okay?” Maybe he hadn’t fucked in so long. You were wearing him out.

He smiled. “Yeah—I just—I’m enjoying this a little too much. I don’t wanna come yet.” He leaned to kiss you.

“Can I be on top?”

He showed off a bunny smile. Low-key, he loves it when you’re on top. “Be my guest.”

He sets your legs down on the bed, and he happily lays against the headboard, his cock softening just a bit. You straddle his legs, hands reaching for his cock, stroking to make him erect. You eased yourself onto him, the stretch filling you up. You began rolling your hips in a fluid motion, slowly and provocatively. You could feel sweat developing behind your knees and on the nape of your neck, but at this point, you didn’t care; you’d fuck him all night if you needed to.

Jungkook props himself up, eyes filled with lust as he watches you riding him. You hold onto his shoulders for leverage, throwing your head back. You continue rolling your hips back and forth, letting every inch of his dick leave your pussy, only to put right back in. He grabs your waist, putting more pressure between you.

“Fuck—that’s good, baby, just like that,” he encouraged as he bit down on his lip, eyes focused on your pussy swallowing his cock. His tattooed hand spanks your ass, the sound reverberating throughout the room and the lewd sounds of hips snapping against each other.

You flashed a smile as your head was lolled back, and he repeated it again. Another hard spank. Your tits are in his full view, and he can’t help but reach for it, pinching the hardened nub. Leaning forward, your lips latch onto his neck, sucking and marking him. His arms wrapped around you as he began to thrust from underneath, his dick almost slipping out from the lust-filled frenzy of his movements.

You’re flush against him, chest to chest, holding onto his shoulders for dear life as he rams hastily from below. Your gasps and moans encourage him to reach for his climax.

God, he fucking wishes he could have you raw, but you guys would have to discuss that at a different time. All he wanted at this moment was to find his sweet release.

His hands are gripped tightly onto the soft flesh of your cheeks, making you stroke his dick back and forth. His teeth are digging into his bottom lips, ready to bleed at this point.

“Come for me, Kook,” you urged.

His cheeks are burning, his heart racing beneath you. The muscles in his abdomen tighten, heat spreading under his skin. With one last thrust, he emptied himself into the condom. His chest is heaving. His breath is shattered as he lets out a whispered, fuck.

The two of you smile like complete idiots when you hold yourself up to look at him. You pull yourself off to lay beside him.

He turns to you. “Wanna go again?”

You playfully smack him across the chest. “Don’t you dare come near me.”

“Aw, come on, one more time for me.”

You shook your head. “I swear to God, Jeon Jungkook—you really will be the death of me.”

The night before felt like a fever dream. Your body aches everywhere, even in places you didn’t know existed. But you loved the familiar weight of Jungkook’s tattooed arm draped over you. You definitely didn’t mind that.

You flip over to see the big sleeping baby. His light snores and whistling are music to your ears. His wavy, disheveled hair asks you to run your hands through it. The little freckles on his cheek are like a constellation guide, waiting for your fingers to trace and place kisses.

You lean in, kissing his nose, and he doesn’t budge. You do it again, this time lightly biting it too. He grumbles, removing his arm to tuck under the pillow.

Shifting closer, you wanted to wake him up. “Boyfie,” you whisper, inching forward. With his eyes closed, he hums. “Are you up?” He doesn’t respond and hums again.

Jungkook opted to sleep shirtless and pantless, sporting only his black CK underwear underneath the sheets. Your thumb grazes the silver jewelry pierced into his nipple. No sign of life. Then your hand travels down further, palming his soft dick.

“Boyfie,” you say again, your palm pressing harder, cupping his growing erection. “I know you’re up.”

“Mm, not awake. Still sleeping,” he mumbles into the pillow, trying to hide his smile. “Keep going, though. I won’t stop you. Please wake me up.”

You chuckled softly. “We have to get up and get ready. We’re hanging out with Yuna and Namjoon today.”

Jungkook finally opened his sleepy eyes. “But I am up,” he joked, alluding to the erection poking you.

“You’re such a boy.”

“And? I wouldn’t mind a little wake-me-up,” he said, drawing you near him.

“Nuh-uh. They’ll be here in a bit, wondering why we aren’t answering the door!”

“So? They can wait.” Jungkook kisses your shoulder, trailing down your arm.

“Nope. Nope. Nope,” you protest, pushing him away, slipping from his grasp, making him pout. “We have forever to keep fucking each other.”

“Forever?” He perked up, but you already closed the door to the bathroom.

Having everyone together again felt right. With Jungkook by your side and your best friend across from you, you couldn’t forget Namjoon. He was always the level-headed one, encouraging you when needed.

You half-expected baby Indie to meet her bestie, Bamie, but Yuna left her with her grandmother. So, it was just the four of you, just like old times.

“So, how’s everything?” Yuna asked as she closed the cabinet door storing plates and bowls.

You cleared your throat. “It’s great. We’re all just getting settled and adjusting to living together.” The two of you hadn’t even had 24 hours together in this new place yet. It was hard to really gauge how you and Jungkook were feeling.

Yuna hums. It’s the same tone you recognize when she has something else to say but doesn’t want to risk hurting your feelings.

You sighed. “It’s so easy to tell when you have something on your mind. Just say it, Yuna.”

She shrugged. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Fine—keep it to yourself. Let it stew all day until you’re ready to burst. I just hope I’m not there for that,” you stated, taking the bowls from her grasp.

She groaned, quickly looking at the guys on the couch with a beer before turning to face you. “Okay, okay. I’m obviously happy that my brother’s back and that you’re together again…”

“But?”

“I just—I love you, and I love my brother, and I just don’t want to see either of you get hurt again,” she finally confessed.

You hold your arms out for a hug, and she slowly walks into your embrace. You squeeze her before she pulls away. “I know. Jungkook and I talked a lot, and I don’t think we will give up so easily. He’s my person, and I will choose him every day, even when it’s hard and I just want to give up. I love him, Yuna, and I’ll continue choosing him until the day I die.”

Yuna’s lips thinned. She was caught in the middle, and seeing both sides almost tore her apart. There wasn’t much she could do but support the both of you as best as she could.

You hug her again. “Don’t worry so much, babe. We’ll be okay. We’re taking it one day at a time. That’s all we can really do right now.”

“It’s good to have you back, man,” Namjoon says, clinking his beer can against Jungkook’s.

“It’s good to be back. I really missed you guys.” He looks back at you and Yuna, hugging and whispering away.

“You getting all settled in?”

“Yeah, we are.” Jungkook scratches Bam’s ears, and he looks up at him with his big doe eyes.

Namjoon looks at the two of you over his shoulder before leaning toward Jungkook. “So, uh, are you guys doing okay?” Jungkook’s eyebrows stitch together in confusion, and he nods. Namjoon breathes a sigh of relief. “I love you guys, but damn, I felt like I went through this rollercoaster of a relationship too. It was pretty brutal.”

Jungkook laughed, rubbing Namjoon’s shoulder. “Hyung, we made it out alive on the other side. There’s nothing to worry about now.”

“You, uh, still thinking about your ‘future’?” Namjoon asked, alluding to their conversation when he and Yuna had their housewarming party.

He smiled and nodded. The only dream he had was a future with you, and he was ready to spend the rest of his days getting to know you again, experiencing new things with you, finding new ways to love you, surprise you, excite you.

After Yuna and Namjoon leave, you and Jungkook relax on the couch with Bam, discussing the married couple.

“Were they acting weird, or was it just me?” Jungkook asked, hooking his arm around your neck and kissing your temple.

You chuckled. “No, they were definitely acting weird. But I get it, though. They’re just looking out for us.”

Jungkook hums. “Do you have any other skeletons in your closet I should know about?” he asked half-jokingly.

Well, there was one thing you hadn’t told him about—your mom. And you can tell that your silence makes him worried. “Erm,” you pulled away to face him. “Just one.” Jungkook intently listens. “You know all that stuff with my mom that happened when we were dating?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“Well, we argued, but then I discovered she’s really not my mom. My dad had an affair early on in their marriage, and then my birth mom died, leaving me with my dad.” A weight was lifted off your shoulder when you expressed what you had been carrying for a long time.

Jungkook’s eyes widen, and he gives you a side hug. “What?” He couldn’t believe the words that came out of your mouth. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay now,” you said, pulling away and giving him a small smile. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t hurt because a part of it did. You understood that you would never have the kind of relationship with your mother you envisioned. “And, um, do you remember when Yuna was in the hospital, and I asked you to hold me while we were, you know—on a—yeah.”

He hummed. “Don’t remind me,” he lets out a soft chuckle.

“My mom was also in the hospital, and I apologized for my dad cheating on her and that she had to raise me. And I also told her that even though she never saw me as hers, she’ll always be my mom even if she doesn’t want to be a part of my life.”

Jungkook sighed. “Baby, I’m so sorry that you went through that. Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. I was going through a lot then, and I was pretty insecure about our relationship, all my health stuff, and mom stuff. It was a lot, and I didn’t know how to tell you.”

He lays on your lap, hugging your waist as he looks up at you. “Promise you won’t keep things from me. No matter how hard it is for you to tell me. Just—let’s just be open with one another, okay?”

You hummed in agreement. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“And what about you, huh? Any other psycho ex-girlfriends I should know about?” you said flatly.

Jungkook laughed and shook his head. “No more psycho ex-girlfriends, but there is a psycho ex-boyfriend.” You rolled your eyes, hitting his arm. “Kidding!”

Your first full day with Jungkook and Bam was perfect. You lounged around, unpacked, played with Bam, ate, fucked again, and just like that—nighttime came.

You lay facing Jungkook, finding it difficult to believe he was in front of you. “Pinch me,” you say, and Jungkook pinches your nipple. “Ow–don’t pinch me there,” you scowl, rubbing your pebbled nipple.

“You didn’t tell me where to pinch you,” he retorts.

You rolled your eyes. “Fair–”

“Why do I need to pinch you?”

You tuck your hands underneath your cheek. “Because I don’t want this to be a dream.”

Jungkook flashes a small smile, moving a stray hair out of the way. “You’re not dreaming, baby. I promise.”

“But what if I am? And there’s not a strong enough kick to wake me up? What if my totem never falls, and I really am dreaming all of this?”

He raises an eyebrow. “Are you referring to Inception right now?” He laughs, and you push him away.

“I’m being serious, Jungkook.”

His smile falters, and he’s in serious mode now. He shifts closer, draping his arm over you, holding the small of your back. “I know what you mean. We’ve been through a lot, and if you look at where we’ve been and where we are now, it’s pretty remarkable that we survived through it all. But trust me, baby, this–us–it’s real.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m just in my head,” you say, resting your hand on his cheek and kissing his lips. “You’re here. Bamie’s here. I’m here,” you chuckle. What else did you really need?

Jungkook gazes into your eyes, ensuring you’re okay. He snuggles in closer, tucking your head under his chin.

“Boyfie?” He hums. “Where do you see us in five years?”

If there was one thing you really did want, you needed to talk to him about it first.

“Five years is a long time from now.”

“Yeah, I know, but I just want us to be on the same page. I don’t want us heading in different directions, hoping we can read each other’s mind or something,” you admit.

Jungkook chuckles, finding you so fucking cute. He withdraws from the embrace, looking at you. “This is what I want to say: I want to focus on the present and worry about the future later. But you want to hear this: I see us getting married, and maybe Bamie has a friend he can play with.”

He didn’t mention the one thing that you were thinking of. You assumed he was avoiding the elephant in the room. “What about kids?”

He takes a deep breath. “Well, I know we have some difficult circumstances with that, but I’d be okay if we didn’t have any. Why? What are you thinking?”

Ever since you got back from LA, you have been doing a lot of research for fertility treatments, along with speaking to your doctor. And who knows, with the ways technology has advanced these days, there could be a possibility of kids in the future. You understood that the road ahead would be tough, but you knew that with Jungkook by yourself, you could weather through anything.

“I, um, I’ve been thinking about starting fertility treatments. I know it’s not a given, and I don’t want to put too much hope into it because who knows if we can even get pregnant,” you stopped because it sounded ridiculous when spoken aloud. “Ugh—it’s dumb and wishful thinking, isn’t it—”

Jungkook holds a finger to your mouth, shushing you. “Baby, if you want this, then I want it too. I’ll do whatever I can to support you. You’re not alone in this, okay?”

You smile. “Thanks, that means a lot, and I know I’m just overthinking again.”

“We’re doing this together, remember?”

“Together,” you lean over to kiss him. “I’m so happy you’re here.”

“Me too. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Jungkook had this hold on the thing in your chest, and you wouldn’t wanna settle for anyone less. He really had become your place of comfort, ease, and stillness. It felt so easy to slip back into your old routine. You could do this every hour, every minute, every second, seven days a week. Night after night, you just wanted to love him, right.

next ✨ 20 ~ ending credits

#jungkook fanfic #jungkook fic #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #jungkook romance #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #jungkook x y/n #jungkook noona #bts fic #bts fanfic #bts smut #bts x you #bts x reader #bts x y/n

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its-all-papaya · 4 months ago

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🫧 (sheets and towels lol)

I was wondering how you usually go about outlining? I’ve always been so terrible at it so if you had any advice or even just explaining the process a bit that would be lovely.

YAY ALL MY LOADS OF LAUNDRY ARE AT LEAST STARTED TYYYY

assign me a chore!!

i'm actually probably a bad person to ask about this because i'm usually kind of awful at "outlining" fics in any definite way. however.... i do kind of have a process, it's just not usually a formal outline.

my USUAL process is to kind of just dump every thought i have related to a fic in a bullet point list that gets added to and subtracted from as the fic develops. if i have pm's with a mutual that inspired a fic, i'll copy paste those into the list to start. if i have ideas for scenes, i'll add those to the list. if there are irl quotes or events that are relevant, those also go in the list. from there, i'll kind of rearrange things in the order that makes sense (either chronologically or by "type" of thing - i.e. for the hollow hereafter, i had a section of quotes with sub-bullets that were just transcripts from each segment of media, then i had a section of "vibes" that were like "lando just wants it all to end, can't imagine ever feeling right again after how dramatically everything inside of him has shifted", etc). once they're in an order that makes my brain feel good, i put them below a page break and start typing actual sentences at the top of the fic in a blank page. then as i'm typing a fic, if i have thoughts about things i want to do down the line NOT in the scene i'm currently typing, i'll add those to the list too as not to disrupt the actual "proper" text i'm building. once i use a thought off the list, it gets deleted so i can see what's left in the bank more clearly. basically everything that is ACTUAL COPY I INTEND ON PUBLISHING gets written from the top of the doc down, then every stray thought i want to preserve gets added onto the bottom of the doc until i use it. there are usually like sections and sub-bullets on that list to keep things semi-organized.

when i DO outline more formally, such as dad lando, it's honestly kind of stream of consciousness. i started with rough, one-line summaries of what i thought each chapter might be (i.e. one was "first meeting", two was "start texting" etc etc until we get to "epilogue"). then i filled in in sub-bullets what i wanted to include in each chapter. some, such as "oscar meets emma" are like SUPER SUPER vague rn. like three sentences. some, such as "lando goes golfing with max" had really clear inspo in my head and are like two pages of rambling. because i felt strongly about how i wanted it to go, i just started typing in half-coherent sentences (honestly how i answer asks here sometimes? this is a good example of the flow i'm talking about). however, half of that extremely rushed, just-trying-to-get-it-down-on-paper musing about this golf outing is probably word-for-word going to end up in the fic because i just let my brain work. and that's how it works a lot of the time for me. i start typing thinking it's just going to be the gist of plot points, and it ends up prose i really, really like because i'm letting my brain work freely.

my MAIN advice for outlining based on my own learning curve:

write down LITERALLY every thought you have related to a fic. whether it's half a sentence, a guiding vibe, a real event that inspires you in ways related to the fic... literally anything. you obviously don't have to use it all, but sometimes those stray thoughts help re-center me when i get kind of lost in the sauce of a fic. when i'm stuck, i just scroll the list and see if anything sticks out to me to use or draw from to get me out of the block.

don't FORCE yourself to outline every moment or plot point. like i said, some of my dad lando chapters are really thoroughly outlined, some are suuuper vague. i didn't force myself to try and plan out any of chapter three bc i wasn't feeling particularly strongly about how i wanted it to go, and it just worked itself out in time as i typed instead. i've outlined what i've figured out, and i'm going with the flow with the rest. the outline mainly motivates me and reminds me what i'm building towards, ultimately, instead of dictating every little thing i want to include. i'm never afraid to say "and then ????? but they end up kissing" and revisit once the vibes have built around a moment.

may seem obvious, but outlines are not final. i've pushed sooooo much shit i meant to include in chapters one and two of dad lando to chapter four bc it didn't hit right when i thought it would. my outline for thh was like six times as long as the actual fic bc i cut out so much stuff i thought i wanted to use. outlines are literally just to keep track of thoughts, imo, and like i said, to guide you. doesn't have to be fully formed to be useful.

hope that was helpful!!! a lot of this is very very similar to how i used to process my research papers in college, so i've had upwards of like eight years now to refine my process and find what works for my brain specifically. so i guess last tip is just try different things and use what works and throw out what doesn't in terms of methodology. everybody's different!

love u good luck writing feel free to ask more about any of this if you'd like 🫶

#answered #ask game #chore time #love/hate relationship with outlining tbh but i think SOME type of guiding list/note is almost always helpful

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kvella · 11 months ago

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KVELLA I WAS SO HOPING YOU'D REBLOG THE ASK GAME BC I HAVE TO MUCH TO ASK YOU!!!

1, 7, 8, 9, 11, 20, i’ll see you at tea time

tell me everything😍❤️

thanks for the ask, emi!! answering about i'll see you at tea time 1. How long did it take you to write this fic? Way fucking longer than I wanted, I'll tell you that. In actuality, it was a month from the day I started typing to the day I posted. 7. What inspired the idea for the plot? The line in the epilogue where Shadowheart mentions that she stops by Gale's tower when she's in Waterdeep and that Tara sits on her lap. I just love the endings for these two where she closes a chapter of her life and travels and Gale becomes a professor. Of course it's lovely when Shadowheart gets her parents back, and the farm, but I personally love the ending where she goes and discovers who she is standing alone on her own two feet. While I think these are some of the healthier options for both of them, they're slightly at odds with each other. One asks for freedom, one asks for roots. And while I think Shadowheart ultimately needs and wants that freedom, it's only for a while before she too wants to be a part of a family. And luckily, Gale is the pining type who won't let her go too easily. 8. What inspired the title for this fic? Is that usually how you choose titles? That was how I imagine Shadowheart signing off on the letter telling Gale she was coming to Waterdeep. :) 9. Was there anything from canon that you pulled for this fic? The line about Gale being just regular Gale Dekarios now. <3 11. Was there a scene you hadn't originally planned to include? Why did you decide to fit it in? Originally I didn't have the scene about Shadowheart peeking into Gale's room - I just had him blow past the room without showing her because he didn't want to be presumptuous about their relationship. But I've had this idea of Gale researching memory restoration for a while, and I thought it would be a sweet way for her to passively notice that he's never stopped thinking about her. 20. What is something you wish more people notice about ths fic? I pulled the dialogue of the scene where Gale shows Shadowheart the farm directly from this scene in Beauty and the Beast. Also Shadowheart being all "I can be generous" and then spending less than a couple minutes going down on Gale in return LOL - mmkay, princess.

#gale x shadowheart

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bonesandthebees · 2 years ago

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ask game!,,

🦋, 🕯️, 🌈

— brick

ooo ty brick!!

🦋 what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?

there's not a lot in my writing i'm insecure about, but sometimes I definitely worry if my intense scenes are going to hit as hard as I want them to. for a lot of my fics, my dear bestie eli birdfeet will usually read over them for me before I post them pretty much for this reason. they're not really a beta reader, it's just a vibe check for me to get some positive feedback on the fic to assuage my worries before posting lol

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

well, if we wanna go with a recent fic strings of fate has been an absolute bitch to write. as much as I love the story of your name, I didn't realize how difficult it would be on me to write a full au of a movie. I know I could've changed parts of the plot but I genuinely just didn't have anywhere else I wanted to take the story. at the same time though, writing some chapters has literally felt like scraping melted plastic off glass. I'm going to be really glad once I finish and post the epilogue and I can move onto a different side project bc istg strings has been haunting me for so long

🌈 is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

when I think of a fic I worked really fucking hard on, my mind first goes to the stars and their children, but I think most people who read that one can tell how much effort I put into it. so if I were to say a fic that I worked really hard on but no one would ever know... I guess looking for a creation myth. I put a lot of effort into writing that, specifically with the imagery and descriptions and all of that stuff. it didn't get a ton of attention compared to a lot of my other one shots, which is fine because I wasn't expecting much since it was one of my more weird vague horror/existentialist kind of stories, but yeah that's why I think a lot of people don't realize how much effort I put into that one.

ask game!

#brick anon #ask game

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maedaex2combo · 2 years ago

Text

Y/N: Self-Insert yourself into the Homestuck Epilogues

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Pairings: Dirk Strider x Reader (Mostly platonic / One sided)

Warnings: Mentions of suicide, Angst, Homestuck Epilogues plot

Word Count: 10.4k

Summary: After not hearing from your best friend Dirk for a while, you decide to go check in on him. For some reason, you feel like this isn't going to be the same feels-jam talk you two normally have. The air is different. Something is happening.

A/N: Okay first off, please know that this story is based directly on the plot of the Homestuck Epilogues. It’s supposed to be right before the Candy/Meat timelines split and take place. I know it’s literally in the title, but just to be safe bc I know how some people feel about it. Secondly, I project a lot to write my fics so the backstory about Y/Ns feelings for Karkat and Dave are very self-indulged. Accidentally became kinda important to the plot. My bad. Thirdly, please forgive me if Dirk seems out of character at all. This is just how I felt he would’ve been before he became like the ultimate Dirk or whatever tf goes on in the epilogues 💀. Anyways. Again, tread lightly if heavy topics like suicide are triggering for you. It gets kind of intense. I just felt like this boy needed some comforting when I was reading all those chapters. OKAY IM DONE NOW. Enjoy!!!

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“DIRK!” your voice shouts pointlessly at the closed metal door in front of you, for the umpteenth time. You’re banging at the door unapologetically, like you have no shame, which you don’t at this point. Not when it came to your best friend, and trying to get him out of his self-inflicted depressive/dissociative episodes.

This episode in particular had been especially hard to get him out of. Dirk had a habit of shutting his friends out when he got to feeling a certain way, and not even letting them in when they came to check on him in person. He seemed to have a soft spot for certain people, but even they couldn’t always get through to him. You included, as well as Jake, Jane, Roxy, and Dave. But, usually you were more invasive and better at tearing his walls down when he built them up. The amount of times you pried your way into listening to a Jake or self-villainizing related rant from Dirk, WILLINGLY, was impressive at this point. Lets be real, Dirk doesn’t open up about his feelings on the usual. All raw and feels-jam like, like your other friends do.

In summary though, his little shut-in episodes did little to keep you out of his life.

However, he hasn’t been answering your messages for weeks, actually maybe a month now. You haven’t been good at keeping track at this point. He doesn’t ever ignore everyone for this long, especially you. Now that you’re here, and he’s not answering the door, it’s honestly starting to worry you. What could he be doing??? Is he even home? There’s no way he could be…..

Nah.

He’s just in there being all dreary right now, you know it.

“DIRK OPEN THE DAMN DOOR OR ILL FIND A WAY IN. YOU KNOW I WILL!” You continue banging on heavy metal. You can hear it echo into the chamber behind it, assumingely empty unless Dirk is a literal fucking dickhead. Which he is. But you give him the benefit of the doubt. Looks like you’ll have to find a way in.

This is really annoying. More than usual. Of course, you don’t ever mind putting this much effort into Dirk. He’s someone you care about very much, so this type of thing just works like clockwork for you. You have a desire to be there for Dirk in a way you feel he needs someone to be. It’s probably inconvenient for him most times, but you try to ignore that intrusive thought.

Right now though, this is especially annoying because you’ve been trying to contact Dirk for weeks about your own personal issues. It’s always a back and forth of issue-sharing with you two, as friendships should be. But honestly, your life isn’t super eventful, not as much as Dirks somehow. So, you don’t usually have all that much to rant about. Now, the one time your life feels like it’s going to shit and you REALLY need him, he decides to swan dive straight into a pool of “fuck everyone, especially (y/n)” and dissolve into it like a damn spoonful of salt.

That analogy was awful, you can’t even come up with clever things anymore, your head is so disoriented. You launch up into the air with little to no grace at all, so fast that you forgot about the metal hood hovering over the front of the studio and smash your head right into it. Fucking OW.

You’re silent for a moment, absorbing the pain like when you stub your toe and you just stand in shock for a minute straight. Then, after a due moment of silence, you let out a loud aggravated groan of pain and annoyance.

“UUUUAGGHHHHUGHH!!!”

Yeah that’s basically how it would be spelt out, I guess.

Using all the annoyed force your body can muster, god powers and all, you punch through the orange-tinted window in front of you. Not physically, with your hands, but with a sheer force wave of strength you just pushed out upon throwing your fists out and down in front of you as you yelled out. The window cracks and shatters, the whole action being very anime-like.

Wow.

That was kinda a lot. Maybe chill out for a second? I mean, you’ve been known to do some pretty crazy and powerful stuff back in your Sburb days, fighting enemies and all. But there was no reason to unleash that on Dirks poor window. You know he’s gonna have to reinstall that now, and it probably won’t be of glass this time.

Nonetheless, you float inside, accidentally cutting yourself on a shard still intact in the window frame. You hiss a little at the cut, but it doesn’t stop you. You’re back to being set on finding Dirk.

It doesn’t take long to find him, of course. You enter the largest room in his studio down on the first floor, down a long hallway, basically the center of his place. This is where he keeps most of his materials and works. It could basically be a big high-ceiling living room, and you’re pretty sure it was once decorated like one, but now it’s covered in metal, tools, junk, etc. You find him drilling away at whatever’s in front of him, back turned to you.

You casually float down from the balcony above, most of the frantic anger from earlier out of your system now that you’ve found him. And he’s okay.

“Yo. Did you hear me banging at the door or are you deaf now?” You say, half joking, but also a little genuinely.

He doesn’t look at you when he responds, ever focused on his work. He stops drilling to be able to talk at normal volume, and to switch to another tool. “Of course I did. You’re quite loud, I don’t know if you noticed.”

You roll your eyes. “Oh, okay. Just wanted to confirm you are as much of an asshole as I assumed you were.” You’re still hovering an inch above the ground as you glide over to face the front of him.

“Oh please, you’ve been very aware of my asshole-ness long before you even met me face to face.”

You laugh a little at this. It’s true, in a way. Even before you knew this timelines version of Dirk, Dave would always rant to you about his Bro. So you assumed he would be an asshole way before you even really met who you’re looking at right now.

“You’re right. But how do you know that by ‘assumed’, I meant that in recent tense and not one that dated back to my pre-teen years?” You shoot back.

You know he would usually like your comment, but he doesn’t laugh or react much at all.

You frown, because he’d normally have a witty comeback to a stupid question like that. But the conversation seems to have cut off there, when he doesn’t reply for a while and continues operating. It stays like this for a bit, slightly-uncomfortable silence as you stare down at him and he doesn’t look back. You finally slump down, into a criss-cross sitting position in front of him while he works. You stay this way, the only sound echoing the room being made from the burning metal, and you wait for him to be done with this piece before you nudge into his personal life. It’s the respectful thing to do, you know how serious he is about his mechanic works. Whatever he’s doing is probably of some type of importance.

You watch him carefully use a… a uh…. Damn what is that thing called? That little fire-like tool that’s used for welding? A welder? I don’t know and I can’t be fucked to search the internet for it. You know what I mean. He’s sweating just slightly on his freckle-spotted arms from the heat, and you try not to linger on his mussels for too long as you examine him right now. He’s wearing his wielding mask, unfortunately, so you can’t see his face. The eye part is shaped like his shades, and you can’t imagine how that’s practical at all. What a dork. But not like John Egbert adorable-like dork. Dirks a dork in a cool admirable way. It’s hard to explain.

Another while goes by like this, shrouded in a more comfortable silence this time. You don’t look at him the entire time you wait, eventually you find yourself staring off into hallway behind him, chin in your hands.

If you (the reader) haven’t picked it up by now, you obviously have a thing for Dirk. But you try not to acknowledge it most of the time, and you’re pretty sure no one knows about it. It kinda conflicts with your feelings you’ve had for Dave since you met him, and your feelings for Karkat you developed not long after spending time together on the meteor. It’d be weird to like Dave and his bro right? This bro, not his actual timeline bro obviously. Yeah, it’d be strange. You must have a thing for the Striders, you guess. But you try to push it into the back of your mind as often as possible. Dirks just your good friend, he’ll always be a friend to you. You want to be there for him because you care in a PLATONIC way. Of course. Even if you did acknowledge these feelings and act on them, he’d most definitely turn you down for various reasons. You know him too well. This is how the last 7 years have panned out, and it was only a few years ago that you even came to acknowledge your feelings that I just said we’re choosing not to acknowledge.

Moving on.

“I’m assuming you broke one of my windows to get in. Do I have to go and fix that now?” He says, toneless. You cant even tell if he’s really upset.

“How’d you know?” You ask innocently.

“Aside from it being the most obvious way of breaking in besides picking my lock, which would be impossible. Remember when I said you’re loud?”

You giggle a little. Yeah you guess theres no way he couldn’t have heard you, even though it was up on the second floor, down the hall. “Okay yeah, I totally busted your window, dude. Sorry about that. It was a mistake honestly, but you kinda deserved it for blatantly ignoring me!”

“I wasn’t ignoring you, I was just busy.”

“Dirk. Busy with what? You haven’t answered me in like a month.” The conversation suddenly gets pretty confrontational without you meaning to make it so.

“I haven’t? Doesn’t feel like it’s been that long.”

“Well it has.” You cross your arms, looking up at him “I really needed to talk to you! And I was really worried.”

“Why would you be worried?”

You frown at this, again. You’re not exactly sure what you were worried about. There were some specific worries that you wouldn’t say to him out loud, that come with having any friend as depressed as Dirk tends to be. They didn’t have to make sense, but they were always at the back of your mind.

“I don’t know. I just worry when you don’t answer for a while. You’ve never gone that long without texting me or calling me back.”

At this very real statement, Dirk doesn’t respond. He probably doesn’t know how to at first. Then, he pulls off his helmet, revealing his pretty face to you once again. You almost let out a sigh of relief. You just really love to look at this guy. His shades are on still, having worn them under the mask like a DORK.

“Well, I’m totally fine so there’s nothing to worry about. Okay?” This is his best attempt at comforting you right now. You’re still not impressed.

“I can see that now. But it would’ve been nice to know like a week or two ago.” You would look away to reinforce that you’re upset, but you can’t stop looking at him, while he’s assumingely making eye contact with you behind his shades. You’re trying your hardest to push back thoughts again.

He finally looks away and pushes himself up to stand, walking over to the pile of metal on the couch. “Hey don’t go getting all sentimental with me now. Starting to sound like Jake.” His voice feels off from how he normally talks, like he’s hollowly trying to say something he thinks he would say. “He’s actually been breathing down my neck all week, I’ve thought about blocking him at this point.”

You roll your eyes x2 combo. That last sentence definitely sounded like him, it’s one you’ve heard a million times. He never does it. This is good though, you can segway this into getting him to open up.

“Jake, huh? You’re still talking to him? Didn’t you say you’d cut him off like- a million cut-offs ago?”

“Yeah.” He picks the piece of metal up off the couch, knocking a few pieces next to it over onto the floor. “But I could never actually cut him off completely, you know that. With all the arrangements we have and whatever. I just meant for a little while so maybe I could get a fucking second to breathe.”

You nod. Fair enough, you guess. You still think it’s funny how much the tables have turned with them. Since Dirk used to tell you how he was the clingy one back when Sburb was still active. “How come he’s still bothering you so much? I thought he had gotten pretty distant from you in an attempt to get over you or something?”

“I mean yeah he was like that, but lately our show’s been getting even more popular. Plus, with Jane’s upcoming announcement about the presidency, I’ve been trying to add more elements to amp up his popularity.”

You didn’t even think you could make Jake anymore popular than he already was on earth C, and you already knew of Janes presidency plan thing. Dirk told you a while ago, and you’ve tried so. SO hard not to tell Dave and Karkat yet, per Dirks request. “So why does this make him bother you more?”

“I made him pretty ambitious about the new season. He’s got all these ideas and plans he’s been shooting at me. Haven’t been responding obviously, which makes him bug me more.”

“Yeah, well, that’s what happens when you don’t talk to your friends for long periods of time, Dirk. The messages start to pile up. I wouldn’t call that ‘bugging’. He’s probably been messaging you a normal amount, and you’re just behind on responding.”

“No no, you’re not friends with Jake like I am. Trust me. He has been giving an absolute fucking earful to me in text. Assuming there was an ear actually listening, and a mouth replying.”

“You’re not even reading the messages?”

“No.”

“What if it’s important?”

“I would know if it was anything that important, trust me.”

You sigh and lean back on your hands. Your arm stings a little and you suddenly remember the cut on your shoulder that you never tended to. Dirk didn’t even notice. Something inside you feels disappointed for some reason. “You’re really full of yourself, yknow that?”

“Yeah, I know.” His response is quick, without hesitation. You know he does. He self-loathes about it at least once every time you guys talk.

“I just wish you’d at least shoot me a text before you disappear for weeks being like ‘Hey! just so you know, I’m about to fuck off to not exist for a while! Don’t worry im not dead or anything!’”

“I’ll make sure to do that next time.” He says sarcastically, coming back over to where he was sitting to add the new piece of metal to his project.

You groan, it almost feels like a growl. That makes you think about Jade. You groan again. “Can you just tell me what’s going on? This obviously isn’t like your other episodes which don’t really happen for more than maybe like a week at a time.”

“We’re calling them ‘episodes’ now?” He asks, looking over at you, but still keeping his hands busy. You swear you can see him smirk a little.

“Well, that’s what I call them. Sorry. That’s probably rude, I just don’t know how else to describe when you get like this.”

“Like what?”

“Reclusive? Distant? I’m assuming you haven’t been in contact with anyone this whole time.”

“Yeah, I guess. It’s not a big deal though, you guys all have lives to be living, I don’t have to be out there all the time.”

“Out there? Dirk, sometimes I just want to talk to my friend. You can stay all shut in your studio, but the least you could do is answer me via text???”

He’s back at work, mask down, attention to his project now. But you weren’t done yet.

“Dirk.”

He doesn’t answer. He’s avoiding the conversation so you don’t investigate further. Again, this is clockwork.

“Dirk.” You insist again, standing up now.

The cut on your shoulder is bleeding down the side of your arm now. “Can you please just tell me what’s wrong this time. Even if there’s nothing going on, you know that just talking it out DOES actually make you feel better. And I LIKE listening to you talk.”

He flinches a little at this, stoping his wielding for a second, but not any longer. He goes back to ignoring you.

You sigh. This is probably going to take a while. You start to walk down the hall towards the bathroom to find a bandaid and clean up the blood.

When you’re far enough away, Dirk looks back in your direction, thinking that maybe you were leaving. A twinge of guilt flickers quickly in him, but he ignores it again and turns back to his project.

When you come back, you feel a bit refreshed. You had time to clear your head slightly. You decided that if he’s going to ignore you, you’re just going to wait until he HAS to talk to you. He can’t let it be silent forever, and you’re not leaving until he gets something out. Not like you’ve got anything better to do.

You move past him silently and over to what you’re pretty sure is a nice recliner chair, under all the cloth and metal. You start taking the metal off and placing it aside. This catches his attention, and he almost asks what the hell you’re doing, until he realizes what the hell you’re doing, and decides it’s not worth starting up a conversation again.

Once all the metals shards are off the chair, you dust it off with your hands and take a seat. You just stare at him for a bit. When that soon gets boring, you lean back into the chair with a sigh, closing your eyes. Maybe you’ll take a nap.

It’s silent (aside from the wielding) for so long that you really do start falling into sleep. The sounds of him working were lulling you into relaxation for some odd reason. You can feel your consciousness just about to be pulled from under you when-

“So… what was it you needed to talk to me about?” Dirk asks from across the room. You hadn’t noticed he stopped working for a bit. The sound of his voice snapped your eyes open for a moment, but when you see he’s not even looking at you, you go right back to closing them.

“I just needed to rant about some stuff, maybe get some advice. But I don’t really think I should be having that conversation with you right now. It seems like you probably got your own stuff to sort out.”

Dirk shrugs, but you can’t see anyways. “Not really. I mean, kind of. But you came here to see me, you might as well tell me instead of leaving this awkward silence while I work.”

“I didn’t think it was awkward. But I didn’t come here to rant to you, I came here because I was worried.”

“Okay, sure, whatever. But you might as well tell me now that you’re here. I don’t mind.”

You sigh. Should you really start this conversation? Would it be selfish to dump all your bullshit on your friend when he’s clearly going through it, even though he won’t talk about it? But he is asking for it at this point. You didn’t even bring it up.

“Well?” He’s looking over at you when you open your eyes again. How long has he been looking?

You sigh again. “Alright… I’ll try not to drag it out too much.”

“Are you sure you’re capable of that type of self control?” He asks sarcastically.

“Oh, shut up.” you say, but you’re smiling. This man and his smartass. “Alright, well-“

And your rant begins. I’ll explain what the rant is about because I don’t want to have to type ours and dirks every action out throughout the whole length of this long conversation. You can just assume he’s listening intently, because he is, for the most part.

Overall, life on Earth C hasn’t really been all that great for anyone as of lately, that’s a given. It’s perfect here, sure, but perfect can only be perfect for so long, before it gets extremely boring. This is amplified x1000000 when you add in the fact that most of you are immortal. Forever is a long long time. However, on a more personal level, there’s a lot going on.

First of all, you’ve lived with Dave and Karkat since you got here. The three of you were best buddies on the meteor together, and decided to stick together after, even despite plenty of money to get your own places. You feel you kind of dug yourself into a hole with this one. Because while living with your best friends is so fun, you’re also not an idiot. You and everyone else on the planet can see the thing Karkat and Dave have for each other. And the fact that you have a crush on both of them, makes this not only awkward, but also painful. This whole situation isn’t new though. In fact, Dirks heard an earful about it for several years. The first year or so of living with them was great, then it backfired. You took it upon yourself to go on a lot of trips, some with Jade and Jake, some alone. You started getting into pottery and went around selling pieces, random art experiments. You tried to convince your two antisocial roomates to go sometimes, but you’re kinda glad they didn’t. You probably needed the distance. Eventually you moved out, only about a little over a year ago. You felt almost guilty, like your presence was keeping the two of them from being together (That definitely wasn’t it though, as Dirk reassures you. They’re both just dense and stubborn.)

For the past year you’ve struggled with separation issues. Everyone knows you always liked to be with someone all the time. Though your trips alone were freeing and refreshing, you enjoyed the feeling of coming home to someone, or two someones. It hurt, spending the nights in your big empty home, lovely as it was. You had people over plenty, but it was always the nighttime when everyone left that got to you. You developed insomnia, dark circles under your eyes that won’t go away. This isn’t really new news either, but newer than the last.

The CURRENT issue at hand, now that we have background story, is where Jade comes into the mix. Jade is a lovely girl, and you love her to death. The two of you hang out on many occasions, though you may not be as close with her as with others. You enjoyed her energy and attitude, it was contagious. But lately, she’s been… putting herself very closely into Dave and Karkats lives. Not that she wasn’t already around them a lot, she definitely was over pretty often. But it seems like ever since you left, she’s been there basically 24/7, like she lives there now. Not only that, but the boys have told you how she’s been making uncomfortable advances towards them, and isn’t hiding how she would like to be with the both of them seriously. Now… it’s not necessarily that you’re jealous. (Dirk gets a kick out at this. And by a kick I mean letting out a snort and ALMOST breaking into a chuckle, to your momentary annoyance.) But it’s especially frustrating for many reasons. Putting aside the obvious reason that you have the same feelings for them as she does. She’s basically ruining everything you gave up to try and help DaveKat happen. You moved yourself out of the equation to make room for maybe some progress, and she moved right in after you. They both love Jade as a friend, but you can tell that her advances make them uneasy just from the couple times you’ve witnessed it. You’re afraid she’ll ruin it for them.

“So, you’re definitely not jealous?” Dirk asks, obviously being sarcastic.

“Of course I am. I won’t deny it. I’m just saying it’s not the ONLY reason I’m upset about it.” You respond defensively.

“Okay. I mean, that makes sense. But I think you’re mostly just upset with yourself.”

You’re open your mouth to retort, but you stay quiet for a moment. “…You think?”

“Yeah. To me, it sounds like you’re mad at yourself because leaving them caused you to self sabotage into a life you’re not satisfied with. And now Jade is over there going after what she wants and you’re upset you couldn’t bring yourself to do the same.”

You’re a little offended by the accuracy of his blunt words. There are some things you need to defend though. “Okay well, maybe you’re somewhat right-“

“Somewhat?”

“-BUT, I only didn’t go for it because I knew they didn’t feel the same, and I didn’t wanna ruin our friendship. Or worse, their relationship.”

“How do you know they didn’t feel the same?”

……

How did you know?

“Well… I just thought it was pretty obvious. They just don’t act with me how they act with each other. You can just like… feel the different energy, I guess.”

“But how would you know for sure if you never even went for it?”

Silence again.

“…I don’t know…” you shuffle awkwardly in the chair, looking down at your lap and playing with your hands. “…So you think I should’ve done what Jade is doing?”

“Oh, definitely not.” He responds almost immediately. “She’s definitely gonna fuck their shit up.”

Your head shoots up at this, shocked. “WHAT?! But you were just saying that I should have gone for it!”

“Yes. But honestly I think you would have gone about it in a less uncomfortable way. And even if they did turn you down, or like- weirdly wiggle out of the situation like they do. Then at least you’d have a straight answer. But you didn’t ever bother trying at all.”

“I-“

“-AND furthermore, I think that if you had gotten a straight answer, it would’ve given you the closure you need, and you wouldn’t have to keep trying like Jade seems to be set on doing.”

It hits you now. You don’t know why you’ve never thought about it like this. You always just assumed their feelings. Even if you had confessed to them one time, you could’ve gotten that closure you didn’t realize you needed. Now it’s too late. They’ve already got too much tension on their relationship, adding you in the mix would be chaos. This is suddenly very troubling, you’re starting to get into a depressed state of mind again. The one you’ve been stuck in for weeks, as well as Dirk probably has for reasons still unknown.

“I….” You relax your hands in your lap, and lean back to look up at the ceiling. “You’re right. I should have at least tried.”

“Didn’t I tell you to a ton of times before? I always thought that a sincere heartfelt confession from you might actually help push their relationship forward, even if they didn’t reciprocate.”

“Yeah… I just never wanted to. I was so sure they’d be repulsed at the idea.”

“Ouch. Repulsed? That’s a new word for the situation.”

“Yeah, I guess I always felt like that deep down though. I mean, Karkats super harsh and distant. And Dave’s super aloof and distant. So, being vulnerable about your feelings for them just feels�� extra vulnerable.”

“Yeah. It definitely wouldn’t be an easy relationship to navigate. Honestly maybe you did yourself a favor.”

You sigh at this. It certainly doesn’t feel that way.

It goes silent again for a little bit, but this time neither of you find any discomfort in it. Dirks been working still, but doing something more quiet now. Connecting wires or something probably. You’re not really sure what it is he does.

You remember something he said to you several sentences ago.

“Also… earlier you said… that I caused a life that I’m unhappy with…” you speak, sounding more dejected that you have today.

“Mhm.”

“Well. I don’t think that’s true.”

“No?”

“No, not really. I mean, yeah it definitely caused me some additional problems, sure. But Dirk…” you look down to make eye contact with him. He stops to look back at you, from behind the shades. He’s resting his arms on his knees, face stoic, fully listening.

“I don’t think… I’ve been happy with my life.. in a long time.”

The sentence hits Dirk harder than maybe it should’ve normally, almost as if breaking something down. His face finally changes, from just being a stone-cold expression, to a slight frown, his features relaxed. It’s not an expression of pity, really. He’s sympathizing.

Most everyone of the sburb kids probably feel this way. Things are just not as great as you might have though they’d be at the beginning of starting an entirely new universe. There’s just this terrible lingering empty feeling, that no one really talks about out loud. But it feels different hearing it from you. You always tried to be a little optimistic. You’ve been unhappy many times, that’s just normal human emotions. But you’ve never expressed being unhappy… with your life as a whole? Or accidentally admitted that you’re also depressed.

The confession hits you hard as well for some reason, even though you’ve known it as a fact for quite some time. You’ve never outwardly admitted it. Suddenly you’re feeling warm wet tears run down the sides of your cheeks. They surprise you. When did you start tearing up?

Now they won’t stop, despite your frantic hands that try to wipe each one away.

“Sorry… I… didn’t meant to get so emotional all of a sudden! Haha..” you’re sniffling a bit between your words, and trying to force a smile to make things less serious. Dirk just stares at you as you try to pull yourself together. “I just can’t help.. but think like… wow! I’m really going to live… potentially forever… and I’m not even enjoying the beginning… what’s 50 years from now gonna feel like? What’s 500 years gonna feel like? Will I even be me anymore at that point?” You’re just rambling now. You’ve went so quick from a normal rant-sesh to such a wet sloppy mess (ew). You’re no doubt embarrassed, and trying to talk in a casual manner that will maybe make you forget that you’re sobbing in front of your cool best friend or maybe crush, while he stares at you uncomfortably. Why did you even think coming here was a good idea? You’re in no place to help him. You just needed him to help you. You are selfish.

“Im- Im sorry, I’ll stop.. just give me a sec-“ you’re cut off suddenly. A distantly familiar feeling. You’re quick to go from feeling alone and pathetic, to warm and secure, as you’re pulled into an embrace with Dirk Strider. These hugs are not something you get to feel often. You didn’t even hear him walk over.

You’re pulled out of your intrusive thoughts immediately. You feel safe, and comforted. In a way only he’s ever been able to make you feel. Despite all the bickering, and smart ass comments, you really loved Dirk. He always knew how to talk to you and handle you, with just enough care, even though sometimes you craved more. (Give a dog a bone, right?) But not because of the hug alone, no. It’s what’s about to come after this. This is it. The clock is moving, it’s in motion.

He pulls back only after he’s felt you settle down and go quiet. “I know how you feel. You’re not alone, you know that.”

You nod, too flustered to look him in the face, so you look to the side, staring at his funny little shoulder tattoo. “I feel guilty about it though. Earth C is so perfect. I should be really happy, shouldn’t I?”

“Nah. Nothing is ever perfect. Even though we literally created Earth C, I wouldn’t call it perfect. In fact, we’re probably about to get so fucking far from it.”

You look at him and tilt your head. “What do you mean?”

He pulls back again, standing up, turning to grab a chair sitting in the corner of the room. He carries it back over and sets it down in front of you, your eyes follow him the whole time. He sits on it the opposite way you’re supposed to, legs around the back of the chair, resting his arms on the top. The way a cool guy sits. You look at him, attentive. Ready for him to lay it on you.

“I just seriously doubt that anything that’s about to happen will turn out very good. Our years for living a ‘normal’ life are already pretty much past at this point.”

Okay, now you’re really confused. “Dirk you’re not making any sense. What’s going to happen that’s so bad?”

He looks at you for a moment. He definitely isn’t intending on sharing with you any information of any importance, but you don’t know that.

“I don’t know yet. John has to make a decision first.” He says nonchalantly, looking more stoic than usual.

You don’t respond, waiting for something else. But that’s it.

You can’t help it, you start laughing. What could that possibly mean?

“John makes a decision?? That’s it? What’s the choice? To nuke or not to nuke the planet??” You’re still giggling at this thought, though kinda morbid.

Dirk isn’t laughing. “Ha ha. No, it’s nothing like that. It’s hard to explain. But the jist of what I was saying before, is it’s just that none of us are really meant to live a normal life on Earth C. Think about it. A bunch of immortal gods, of totally different upbringings and outlooks, and even species, all living on one little planet. We’re bound to fuck shit up one day.”

You’ve stopped laughing now and take a second to think about this. You’ve never really considered it. “Yeah… I guess now that you say it, that sounds kinda bad. We could’ve done with a few more planets in the system honestly.”

“No, it’s not about the number of planets. Even if we all had our own planets, we’d end up going to war and shit with each other one day. We’re just not meant to lead normal lives.”

You frown at this. Why would friends go to war with each other? Granted, not everyone was super close, but we all fought to make this universe, why would we tear it apart?

“I think you’re oversimplifying it. Not all of us want to be dictators.” You roll your eyes and cross your arms. You definitely aren’t happy about Janes plans, Dirk knows this.

“You subtly talking about why you don’t like Jane and the way she wants to lead just proves my point. And anyways, It doesn’t matter. We don’t have a choice in what we are. And what we are, is gods. We’ll have to ascend one day.” You search for a hint of irony in Dirks face, but he’s dead serious. Wow.

“Ascend??? Dirk what the hell are you talking about?”

It’s quiet for a moment. Dirk catches himself about to tell you too much about what has been fucking his brain for months, or more like years at this point. You can tell his silence is a troubled one.

You reach out a concerned hand to place on his arm. He flinches a little. “Dirk… please tell me what’s going on. What are you talking about?”

He can’t look at you. His head stays in place, but he’s avoiding eye contact even though you can’t tell. There’s a lot of thoughts going through his mind right now. Not all of them are about his ultimate self that is inevitably going to take over one day. Some are about you. And about the outcome of this timeline. For a moment he feels sympathy for all his friends. But there’s not much else I can tell you about what he’s thinking. Not now.

“I just… don’t know how much time I have left.” He says, still having not moved, but his eyes watch the clock behind you.

“How much… What? Dirk… Are you sick or something?” You are rapidly trying to understand his cryptic way of explaining to you, but it seems you’re falling short.

“Not physically.” He pauses and actually lets out a slight chuckle, putting his gloved hand on his mouth. You bask in his slight-laugh, he’s really so charming. More than he could know. “God that sounded so emo.”

“Dude, I don’t sound any better. We’re both being emo, it’s fine.” You smile back at him, removing your hand from his arm. You feel a bit of tension leave your body that you didn’t notice was there, the sound of his laugh ever like a cure to your stress.

He nods. There’s just so much he can’t tell you, you wouldn’t be able to understand. And he didn’t want you to either. He didn’t want to put that burden on you. There was only one person he could give that burden to, and he still wasn’t sure when he’d have to tell her.

But there were some feelings he knew he could vaguely talk to you about.

“But no, I’m fine physically. It’s just… I don’t know. I guess I’ve been having the same thoughts you have. How long can this all really last? Who will I be hundreds of years from now? What if I don’t even recognize myself anymore?” He pauses for a moment, and you watch him frown as he thinks of something. “I definitely won’t.”

You don’t dare interrupt. You just sit and listen, attentive, the best you can. When Dirk starts opening up, you hardly say a word until he’s finished.

He goes on about how he’s been feeling especially useless and exhausted lately. Talking vaguely about his potential and his purpose, and that right now just felt like a stagnant period while he waits. But what if he doesn’t want to have some greater purpose, or some ultimate potential destiny? He’s always just wanted to be able to live a happy, normal life with his friends. He didn’t get to grow up with other people and have relationships. Getting here to figure out that he really never would get that normalcy, sucked the hope out of him. At least, maybe he could’ve got a while if he had made the most of the last seven years. He can’t even say they flew by, they dragged by painfully. He says he’s always just felt like he’s been watching his friends live through a window, communicating behind the glass, but not actively joining them.

You soak in every word like you’ll need to know it for a test. You nod every now and then, and quietly “mhm”, to show you’re listening. You can feel he’s still not done yet.

“I mean honestly (y/n), what’s even the point of it all? You feel it too right? There’s no way we’re headed toward a future that’ll be of any real purpose.”

You decide to finally speak up since he addressed you. “Are you saying we’re in a doomed timeline?” You ask, enabling him to explain more.

“No, it’s nothing like that. I’m not even sure doomed timelines are possible anymore, they’re just… timelines. But we’re definitely not going to be living happily ever fucking after.”

You’re giving him that sympathetic look now, but he reads it as pity. His head reflectively looks away. He’s starting to get aggravated. “I don’t know how much longer I can hold out. I don’t even want to go through with this anymore. I just wish it’d all end.”

Woah. You’re eyes widen a little at what he’s implying. “Dirk… don’t say that-“

“What’s even shittier about this whole thing is the fact that even if I really wanted to end it, I couldn’t. None of us could. Except maybe the trolls. We have to wait for something just or heroic to happen and decide our fate for us. We’re stuck to live in some shithole timeline with no way out. I have no choice. I either subject to being a depressed shut-in, or leave my humanity behind to pursue something above this existence. How pathetic is that?”

You’re not sure exactly what he’s going on about, but your instinct immediately is to comfort him. You take his hand. He doesn’t flinch this time, but he doesn’t look at you either.

“Hey, just calm down for a second, okay? I promise you it doesn’t have to be like that… I don’t know what’s due for this timeline, and I’m not sure if you do… If Rose told your something or.. I don’t know. But I always know that whatever life throws at me I’ll…” you hesitate to say the rest of the sentence. It’s a little cheesy, it almost makes you cringe for a second. But then he looks at you, clearly anticipating the rest of your sentence. You push through. “I’ll know I’ll be able to get through it, because you’ll be here.”

He’s doesn’t say anything, but his eyes are wider now. He has no idea what to say at this intimate sentence. The two of you have been close for a while now, but you never really express it verbally. You just enjoyed each other without having to say it usually. The lack of response eats at you, you have to say something else since he clearly can’t think of what to say to that. You let go of his hand too, thinking maybe it’s making him uncomfortable.

But he watches your hand as you pull it away.

“And I’ll always be here for you! I’ll always be here to help you. I mean… if you ‘left’ in whatever way that means I’d…” You play with your hands again, the both of you staring at them, thumbs in a tug of war. “Just… please don’t leave, okay?”

You both look up at the same time to make eye contact, but it’s obviously more intense for him. He can’t promise you that. He’s told you he won’t already, but you refuse to understand him.

You’re both quiet, and you anxiously bite your lip again at his lack of a reply. Why isn’t he agreeing?

“(Y/n)… have you ever thought about trying to take your own life? Just to see what happens?” The sudden dark inquiry sends your heart into your stomach. Why is he saying this? Your face looks terrified, but he doesn’t say anything, still looking.

“Dirk.. W-what are you say-“

“Have you?”

You swallow hard. This is something you REALLY don’t like to talk or think about. It’s something you’ve never spoken to anyone about.

But the answer is yes. Of course. You think about it a lot recently. It started when you started living alone. Those restless nights, wondering what the meaning of it all was. You wondered if maybe the clock of justice would consider the theft of your own lifespan a worthy enough cause. Why would a godtier with no will to live be worthy of such a title? It wouldn’t even makes sense, like more of a punishment than a reward. In a sense, you killed yourself to get this title. Why couldn’t you do the same to remove it?

Maybe you could.

You’ve been quiet a suspicious amount of time now. It tells Dirk his answer, but he still waits for you to admit it. His social cues are still really not the best sometimes, even after getting used to social interaction. You’re clearly uncomfortable.

You’re looking at your lap again, but your hands are still. You’re too deep in traumatic thought to even want to move. “…Of course I have.” Is all you say after a while.

“Have you tried?”

His question sounds genuine. Actually curious.

“No. I wouldn’t dare. What if…”

“It worked?”

“…Yeah…”

“Then it’d finally be over.”

When you look up, he’s still staring at you. You’re still scared, your heart breaking more with every word he says, but he seems calm now. As if he’s decided something in his mind. The more the clock ticks, the more anxious you get. What is he thinking?

You’re just about to speak up again, try to say something to calm the conversation, or just to change it to something less triggering. But he suddenly stands up. You look up at him, face getting more worried.

“Dirk?”

He’s not looking at you anymore. And without a word, he turns around and begins to walk away.

“Dirk?? Where are you going?!” You automatically stand up when he just continues to get farther away, turning to go down the hallway.

You follow him, quickly.

“Hey! Wait! You can’t just leave the conversation like that!”

You watch him turn into the bathroom, and shut the door before you can get to it. You jiggle the doorknob, but of course it’s locked. You’re panicking a bit now. This panic causes you to bang on the door without thinking, feeling a bit helpless.

“Dirk!!! What are you doing in there?! Please just wait a se-“

“Relax.” You hear him calmly through the door. You silence immediately hearing his voice. “I’m just using the bathroom.”

Your face automatically turns a slight pink. All of the panic and anxiety turns into embarrassment in the blink of an eye. You must’ve been overreacting. You do that sometimes.

“O-oh….. Okay. Sorry… I’ll leave you alone then.” You’re cursing yourself in your mind as you start making your way back down the hall.

Halfway through though, you stop suddenly. Taking a second to think about what just happened, to see if you were really overreacting. You come to the conclusion that you definitely weren’t, now that the embarrassment has subsided. Why would he just suddenly lock himself in the bathroom after your intense discussion about suicide? That is definitely concerning!

You feel better having justified yourself. You then come to the rational decision that you’d give him 5 minutes and then check on him. Hopefully you’re jumping to conclusions, and he’s just really bad at ending conversations like usual. You take a direct turn into the kitchen that was right next to you. You flip the light switch on and take a seat at the table. What an exhausting conversation you just had. That was not how you were expecting that to go at all.

You look around. The kitchen isn’t excused from having a bunch of junk in it. There’s spare parts and random doodads laying all over the place. Wow, did you just think the word “doodad”? Who are you, Jake? Sometimes being here alone with him made you feel like it. Like Jakes replacement.

You decide you’re just gonna tuck that repressed thought back deep into your brain. That’s not even possible, you and Dirk aren’t even… I mean he would never… Wait didn’t he just tell you earlier that you shouldn’t assum…. OKAY THATS ENOUGH.

The clock ticks by with the speed of a damn snail. You’re just sitting there watching it. You don’t even have the energy to check your phone to distract yourself. One minute has gone by and you’re waiting on the second. You’re also listening intently for any concerning noises, but you’re pretty sure the walls in this place are very thick. You couldn’t hear him drilling or anything from outside earlier, and the hallway isn’t that long.

You’re staring at a piece of hair in your face, blowing it up and watching it fall back down, passing the time. Three minutes now. Your stomach grumbles, and you decide to check Dirks fridge for inventory. When you open it up, it’s literally just like 10 half gallons of milk(?). This is clearly equisprites doing, but what has Dirk been eating??? Does he ever go out for food? Does he alchemize it? Who knows. You sigh and sit back down.

Just as you’re counting down the last minute, you hear the bathroom door open and you look over to the doorway. After a few steps Dirks frame passes right by without glancing at you, even though it was obvious you were in there with the light being on. You sigh x2 combo and stand up from the table, walking out and back into the hallway to follow him.

He’s sitting back on his bench in the living room, working again. You watch him, about 6 feet away. You don’t even know what to say, and you take your time trying to think of something.

“Are you… okay?” Is all you could come up with.

There’s no response. You can see he’s assembling his drill with a different top. He’s gonna drown you out.

“Dirk. It’s alright if you don’t wanna talk about it anymore. You can just-“ the drilling starts “-… say that.”

You look dejected. It’s a sad scene honestly, if you could see it like I am in my mind right now, and I hope you are.

He’s never been this distant before, especially not after opening up so deeply like that. His feelings were like a one way ticket each time, once you’re in, you’re in. But he’s forced you out after already letting you in. It didn’t make any sense. You look at the clock on the wall. It stopped working. When did that happen?

“Is there anything I can do to get you to talk to me?” You ask as a last resort.

Unsurprisingly, no answer. You give up. Quite frankly, that whole conversation tired you out too, emotionally. If he doesn’t wanna talk about it anymore, that’s fine by you.

“Do you mind if I stay over at least? Is the guest room still open?” You ask, expecting an answer, since it’s unrelated.

However, still no answer. You don’t know why you thought you’d get one that time. You decide to just take his silence as a yes. You’ve stayed over his house plenty of times before. A lot of the time when you guys would hang out, you’d talk or do something into late hours of the night, and not realize how late it’d gotten. The guest room might as well be yours at this point, since you’re pretty sure no one else ever stays over. Other than Jake, but he’ll just sleep in Dirks room. Obviously. And Dave has his own room here for some reason.

You take yourself up the stairs, and you gaze at him for a minute from the rail before you make your way to the room. This whole day has made you sadder than you already were, you think.

When you’re in the room, you don’t even take in the interior. You’ve seen it a million times. It’s just a bunch of subtle weeb decor. Annoyingly aesthetic. You faceplant onto the bed and kick your shoes off. It’s not even that late, but you’re so exhausted from that interaction and from not getting much sleep the night before. Insomnias been hitting you hard lately since you didn’t have Dirk. It’s been especially lonely. Somehow being in Dirks house lulls you right to sleep immediately.

You sleep like a baby. A full 8 hours, something you haven’t had in a while. When your eyes flutter open it’s pitch black, only the light of the bedside clock glaring at you. 2:00am. Wow, it’s early. Or late, you guess?

You don’t know what to do since you feel so awake now. You could probably sleep a little more? You decide you wouldn’t mind some milk right now before you go back to bed. Assuming the white fridge liquid is milk. You’ll take your chances.

You make your way down the stairs, and as you’re descending you start to remember todays conversation. You cringe a bit. The whole thing was so emo and embarrassing on both of your parts. You’re pretty sure you made him uncomfortable towards the end and that’s probably what scared him-

Suddenly your thoughts are cut off. You hear… A voice. Dirk? It was only quick, but you see a small light from the hallway leading to the kitchen. You follow it quietly, curious.

When you see him, you freeze at the sight.

He’s leaning over the kitchen sink, head hanging. He’s facing away from you, and you’re kind of hiding in the doorway anyways. The ambiance is coming from a small nightlight over the counter. You wish you could see his face. You hear a quick sniffle.

You’re deciding whether to say something or walk away. It seems like he’d want to be alone right now. Or does he need someone more than ever? He’s been so hard to read. You always think you interfere too much with him, but you can’t help it. Then, you hear him let out a small, quick sob. Probably the source of what you heard earlier. He sounds like he’s trying to hold it in, even though there’s no one around from his perspective. Your heart breaks. You have basically no control over what you do next.

Suddenly, Dirk feels a pair of arms wrap around his abdomen, a warm body leaning into his back, embracing him. He jumps slightly at first, but relaxes into it after a minute. He’s silent now. No sniffling, no sobs.

“I’m sorry.” Is all you say once you feel him relax.

It’s silent again. All you can hear is the clock behind you.

“You don’t have to respond, I just can’t stand to-“

“I tried it.” He says, cutting you off. He sounds defeated.

Your eyes widen a little. “You tried…”

“To kill myself. Earlier.” He states way too bluntly.

Your heart sinks. “Oh…”

Silence.

“It didn’t work.”

“Well, I can see that.”

“Because I couldn’t actually do it.”

You pause for a moment.

“Huh?”

“I couldn’t really go through with it a hundred percent… I have to see this timeline through. It’s my burden to bear.” He grits his teeth and grips the sink. You feel his tensing.

“I’m sorry, Dirk.” It’s all you can think of to say. You don’t want to bother asking him to clarify anymore. You have no idea what he’s going through or what to suggest. This is all you know. You hold him tighter, and nuzzle a little bit more into his back.

He relaxes again, to your surprise. And he lets go of the sink with one hand to place it on your arm. You can’t see his face right now, and you wish you could. The two of you stay like that a little longer. After a minute or two you can feel him crying again.

You’re sure it’s hard for him. Not just what he’s going though, but being vulnerable about it.

Suddenly, you feel yourself start to tear up too. The two of you share a cry almost silently, not having to see each other in this emotional state, but still holding on and having someone there.

“I promise it’ll be okay.” You say, breaking the silence. “Whatever you’re going through, we’ll go through it together. I’m a god tier too. I promise I’ll be here for you.”

It honestly feels like this made him cry a little harder as you feel him shake a little more.

He raises his hands up to his face to wipe away any evidence of emotion under his shades. Then, to your surprise again, he breaks out of your embrace, only to turn around and embrace you again straight on.

You’re surprised for a moment, but when it settles in, you hug him back with all you have. And maybe it’s just you, but no hug between you two has ever felt this… passionate?

“Sorry I’m being like this. It’s just been hard. I’ve never been this emotional about it, even though I’ve known it for so long. I think it’s because it’s getting closer. And because you’re here. Probably why I’ve also been ignoring everyone.” He confesses. “So there’s your answer. I just didn’t want you to see me like this. I’m sorry, again.”

Again, you have no idea exactly what he’s talking about, and you make a mental note to maybe ask about it again another time when you’re both more stable. But you’re just committed to comforting him to your best ability right now.

“You don’t have to apologize, Dirk. You can tell me anything, seriously. I’m sorry there’s nothing I can do to help you. I wish I could.”

You feel him sigh slightly, but it seems more like relief than frustration or anything negative.

“You should really get some sleep. Have you been up this whole time?” You say, changing the subject in concern for his wellbeing. You wonder what his nights have been like all this time you haven’t been talking.

“Yeah. But I’m fine. I don’t really have a sleep schedule anymore.”

“Well, looks like we’re starting now then. Cmon.”

He doesn’t complain or object when you pull back and take his hand to walk out into the hallway. The two of you make your way upstairs and into Dirks room. He doesn’t say anything, and you couldn’t possibly know what he’s thinking right now. About you.

You stop right after walking in the doorway and let go of his hand.

“Well, goodnight. I’ll see you in the morning, kay?” You say, giving him as much of a genuine smile as you can manage. You start walking past him to leave.

But then his hand grabs yours, stopping you. You freeze for a second, and turn to look at your friend again.

Your eyes widen at the sight when your eyes meet his. He had pulled his shades up to sit on his head, and for the first time you see his eyes, along with the rest of his face. Granted, it’s pretty dark so you can’t see the color well, but you can’t help but think they’re beautiful, just like the rest of him. His face also just reads ‘exhausted’, and tired from all the crying and emotion showed in the last however many hours. The two of you are quiet, staring at each other like this for a moment.

“Would you… wanna stay?” He says, not breaking eye contact, but still seeming slightly unsure about it?

“Stay… like, stay over? Yeah.. I-I was just gonna go to the guest r-“

“No. I meant in here.”

You’re blushing now. Good thing it’s dark, you guess. “In… your room?”

“Yeah.”

“In your bed?”

“Mhm.”

He seems much less embarrassed by this than you, of course. You’re extremely flustered now that you’ve made sure he meant what you think he meant. Wait… does that mean he wants to sleep with you or like SLEEP with you??? Oh god-

“Not anything weird. I just mean like, we can sleep in the same bed.” He says, almost like he read your mind. “It just feels like we both kinda need some comfort right now. And it feels weird to have you sleep in a different room after… Yknow everything that just happened. You don’t have to, if you’re not comfortable with it.”

“No!” You say, embarrassingly fast. You clear your throat a bit, not making it any better. He smirks at you slightly, tilting his head. Lord have mercy. “I mean… That actually sounds nice, yeah.”

He smiles in response, and you bask in the sight. Dirk Strider smiling at you, fully exposed so you can see all his beautiful features at once. You’re actually really happy right now. You haven’t felt this happy in a while. Which is kinda ironic after todays conversations. Why does he feel like a cure to your pain every time?

With his hand still holding onto yours, he guides you over to the bed. He puts his shades on the bedside table. When you both lay down and get under the covers, he turns to face you. Your heart is pounding like a million times per second right now as you turn to look back at him.

“You’re blushing pretty hard right now. You okay?” He says, and you can definitely see that slight little shit-eating smirk. He’s really gonna tease you right now. How could he even tell you’re blushing?

“Shut up! I’m fine… You just caught me off guard..” You defend.

“What? Did you think I wanted to have sex?” You would think he’s teasing since he’s still smirking, but it also sounds kind of like a genuine question.

Hearing him say it out loud while looking at you with those intense eyes makes you blush harder, like your face is actively working against you. “NO! Well… I mean I wasn’t sure.” You have to look away for a second. “And sleeping in the same bed just feels intimate in its own way, even without sex.”

He nods understandingly. “Yeah, you’re right, this is pretty intimate I guess.” It’s silent for a moment then. “…But …I don’t know. It just feels right after everything that happened today.” He looks away now, facing the ceiling.

This grants you to look back at him. You take in his beauty, the moonlight from the window being the only luminescence to light the scene. Even the curve of his nose looks perfect, making an impressive outline of his side profile. You just can’t stress to yourself enough how you love seeing him like this. You wish you could do it everyday. You’re smiling without realizing it.

“You can take a picture if you want, it’ll last longer.” He says, glancing at you while keeping his head in place.

You blush again and shove at him lightly. “Fuck you!” You say, but you laugh afterwards. He smiles in response. If only you could stay this way forever.

You turn to face the ceiling as well. After that, it feels like it’s the end of your conversation, and you both start trying to fall asleep. You’re laying there for so long trying to sleep, you can’t remember how long it’s been. You did get a lot of sleep earlier so it makes sense that it’s a little hard now, plus being in bed with Dirk isn’t helping. Your heart is still kinda racing.

What happens next almost gives you a heart attack. You feel Dirk snag his arms around your torso, his face leaning into your arm. You’re frozen, and you’re not sure if he’s sleeping or not, so you don’t say anything.

As if he feels your discomfort, he speaks, in a low tone “Sorry. Is this okay?”

“Mhm…” you respond quietly, and carefully move your arm up and put it over him, and he automatically leans into your side now.

Now it’s really hard to sleep, so you just open your eyes. You look down at him and take in the rare and perfect sight of Dirk Strider sleeping. He looks so peaceful. Unbothered, undisturbed by Earth C and all your stupid post-Sburb problems. You wish you could make it all go away for him.

You start to run your hands though his hair softly, and he hums slightly in response. Still slightly awake, but you can tell he’s on his way out. You smile at how natural this feels now.

You finally feel yourself start to fall asleep as well.

“I think I’ll stay here for a while.” You say quietly, but Dirk is already sleeping. And you follow suit with him again as soon as you say that.

The two of you stay intertwined for the rest of the night.

END

#dirk strider x reader #dirk strider #dirk #strider #self insert #homestuck #hs #homestuck fanfic #homestuck epilogues #homestuck^2 #sorry for the possible jade slander that could be interpreted. i literally love her but in the epilogues it was yikes #also kinda #davekat x reader #one sided crush #unreciprocated love

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harley-style · 2 years ago

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Reading the Homestuck Epilogues [MEAT] 5 (pt. 1 - 10)

Read the Candy Epilogue reading here: one | two | three | four

Hello lovelies! Sorry I took a bit of a break yesterday, but I was indeed writing down my thoughts as I read them! It just took longer than usual, lmao. But anyway, my reactions and thoughts under the cut!

Well, that's fucking ominous. But well, here we go, another route, another round of pain! First up on the list: John awkwardly trying to reach Roxy and Callie for a hug, but waiting too long that they've left. Oops. Writing ten letters is SOME fucking foreshadowing though.

Okay I was all for Karkat running for president but I do not trust Dave to hold a reliable campaign with him. They're not...how do you say...politically savvy? They do have a point with Jane though. We know how well THAT works out in Candy...oh geez, Dirk. He didn't have much of a presence in Candy...I miss him.

John's so dismissive lol but that's understandable. Bit of a dick move, but eh. The tangents these kids get into is legendary.

I am especially apprehensive of Meat, but I heard it's like, somewhat nicer than Candy. That said, I dread the moment Dirk takes up the stage. There should also be a protocol for interrupting shows for personal calls???

It's really uncomfortable to me how much screentime Jake's ass is getting. Let me just put it out there. Also, Dirk playing up the villain on the TV show really was just a beta test, huh? That bitch. (Affectionate).

POLITICAL CAPITAL? Oh my lord.

Dirk dissing Karkat is one of his monumental sins. How fucking dare he. Karkat is a blessing that none of us puny mortals deserve and you will fucking recognize it (/hj...haha unless?). The ensuing conversation after that is basically me: okay, bitch -ing at Dirk. Like constantly.

"Dirk goes to help your yard clean the Jake off its dirt." I feel like I'm having a stroke. This is around the part where John gets everyone from a newly messed with timeline to go with him and beat up a teen Caliborn, their words, which is all kinds of fucked up bc 1) teenagers and 2) teenagers.

WAIT IS THIS THE SCENE FROM PESTERQUEST? IT IS ISN'T IT!!! HOLY FUCK!!!

Okay now I retroactively realize what keeping the yard clean of Jake means. It's...certainly a turn of phrase.

"I've never zapped this many people before" Bitch you've zapped an entire planet. That has more mass than 7 teenagers.

Dirk and Rose are having a conversation about ascending and while Rose is coping terribly, Dirk seems remarkably fine. Why is that. Dirk finishes with an internal monologue about him looking at the state of things with an almost mechanical and clinical eye, rather than Rose's artistic, poetic vision. Every gear has, apparently, been set in motion.

Oh hey shit's going down in Cherub's Town

Yeah you really should have thought that one through, John.

Jane is VERY upset that Karkat's running against her and honestly, I just skimmed through this chapter. I really don't like Jane's thought process, but I do double back every now and then to see if I missed anything. Jake expresses discontent over being used as a marketing bid, and honestly, about time man. But also, fuck Dirk and Jane in this particular instance. Why. Why are you both like this.

#homestuck #reading the homestuck epilogues #homestuck epilogues #meat route #epilogues meat route #john egbert #rose lalonde #dave strider #karkat vantas #dirk strider #jake english #jane crocker #cw politics #fictional politics #the salt of jane crocker #goddamn it dirk #i will be tagging the last two from now on #whenever i have Thoughts on these two in particular

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hallowed-wings · 3 years ago

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for this one - 9, 15, 19, 21

[ AAAAAAA I'm sorry this took so long HELLO-- Riser here with my set of the questions <3 Hello!!! ]

(stealing this first one from Ashes' ask :)) )

1. Tell us about your current project(s) – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

Well!! I'm dabbling in and out of stuff at the moment BUT- when it comes to mcyt, it's a lil fic I've dubbed Lilac! Well, technically it's "of sunflowers, moon lilies, and poppy seed stars"- but Lilac is far easier to say than os,ml,&pss--

It's a flower husbands fic, (I've been away a while but gods i hope that's still a thing people read about--) in which Scott could live forever- but time is a flat circle, and he keeps bumping into familiar faces every now and again along the trail.

[ One in particular far more than the rest ]

it's not necessarily??? set in a particular fandom?? but I have taken bits and bobs from different series Scott's been in! (Empires & 3rd Life mainly [of course <3] but w/ some Origins n Last Life references sprinkled in there too :D!)

Currently!! I'm in ""planning"" stages and by that I mean I need to write shit down-- I have it pretty much all up in my noggin (All 7 chapters of it <3! 5+1[+epilogue].) but I need to get it down onto a page and detailed out before I can really sink my teeth into writing it. Lord knows it'll still take a while bc I'm gonna try write it all first before I upload it so I don't burn out halfway through a chapter write up and just,, leave it hanging

Probably my favourite thing about it is just,,, ngl,, I just think it's really pretty,,, The story makes me very soft and,,, mmm <3. It's not just fluff by any means but it has so much love at its core and what little I have written of it so far just,, <3 <3 <3 I am v pleased with it,,, I'm looking forward to it! which is nice ^-^

(I also,, have some Cleo & Mumbo [separately, as a note---] fics planned,, i still need to flesh those out fully but!! probably leaning more towards missing moments/stuff i want to expand on in a ✨fun character dive ✨ sense. Sort of in the style of the Martyn / Cleo one-shots I've written [on ao3 pspsspspsps- /lh] but yeah!!! I have some fun ideas for those :D!)

9. Are you more of a drabble or a longfic kind of writer? Pantser or plotter? Do you wish you were the other?

Longfic, probably! While sometimes I like the thought of drabbling the last time I tried to drabble (see ao3--- /lh) they ended up being chunkier than planned so yeah no I'm not very good at making lil drabbles-

I AM ALSO very much a plotter though. Sometimes w/ something very small I can take an idea and just pad it out (after a lot of time thinking about it though-) but if I don't go into something w/ a detailed plan I am quite likely to get stuck in a moment of ". well i know what goes after this but how do I get to it". Knowing what goes where exactly is a pretty big help for me and probably why stuff takes so long-- I do wish I could pants stuff ngl, at least enough to take me from point a to b with a little more ease <3

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

TAGS. I've gotten a bit better in recent years w/ those but while titles and summaries can sometimes just come to you, tags need to be specific?? y'know?? the fic is sorted through tags and I want it to be accessible even if I tend to ramble at times in them.

Long story short- titles and summaries can usually click after a few tries- tags are tricky as hell-

19. Is there something you always find yourself repeating in your writing? (favourite verb, something you describe ‘too often’, trope you can’t get enough of?)

See,,,, as someone who's writing exists scattered about sporadically over the past three and a half years, with most of it coming from the START of that time frame... I have been thinking this question over for awh i l e,,, (it is,, currently 1am,, so apologies for grammer errors and other assorted nonsense in this bit in particular <3)

b U T while I might not have a favourite verb for you in my writing (I do, however, in general, like weird ways of describing walking: scuttle, doddle, skitter, take your pick✨), with many thanks to Ashes I have wrangled (another good verb) some things together that I do like to shove into most things I do--

- I really like trying to do characterisation well,,, ashes says i do but tbh i just,, try to worm my way into their heads and see what's going on inside. I feel a Lot Of Things and so do the characters in my works <3 whether they want to feel said things or not :) Though,, overall I just like trying to nail now what makes them tick??

(in hindsight: I feel like saying "I like trying to write characters with strong voices that feel in character and can be told apart from other characters would have been more coherent, but that is something I do not tend to be------)

- Also!! If I work a certain theme into a piece, it is /getting woven in there throughout/. Vengeance in 'with my eyes (with my body, with me)', immortality, the celestial bodies and a few others in Lilac,,, Listen if I am doing a bit I am sticking to it- (/lh). I think it helps to tie pieces together ^-^ Keeps everything running on the same track throughout, no matter what else is going on, it all ties back to a central core. (I should probably go see if I can find some trends in terms of words or phrases scattered throughout my writing,,, might be interesting ngl 👀)

21. What other medium do you think your story would work well as? (film, webcomic, animated series?)

gods this is the most niche of thoughts but,, first thing that came to me was like,, animated but specifically with like,, characters and stuff coming up from pop up storybook pages,,, like the page opens and stuff just unfurls and comes to life,, Each chapter is a different book <3

But!! I do think some form of animation would fit it well <3 2D 100%- something whimsical and flowy and maybe a little fuzzy around the edges,, though, I do think it works best as literature <3

#riser responds #I'M. NOT ALL DEAD!!! <3 #pigeon hru omg i missed you!!! i say that like I haven't been the one away kjdshfkjdsfhkjdsfhk #birds of a feather #I SUGGESTED THE TAG NAME :D!#is for you :D! pigeon tag!#🎕 lilac 🎕#and that tag is for when I eventually need to start organising the fic into a tag of its own fkjdshfk #ONCE AGAIN I'M ; SORRY I'M LATE----#ask games #writing #thank you so much for the ask!!!!!!! <3

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exciting · 4 years ago

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As requested, books / series I read in 2020 in the order I read them, with a few brief thoughts. (This took me a hot second because there are a few and also I moved cities) Should I keep a consistent goodreads? Yes I should but I didn’t think of that at the time, so bone apple teeth & sorry if I offend you abt your faves x

P.S. I can’t figure out how to do a read more on mobile so long post ahead!

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J Maas - This is one of the most vivid published fantasy books I have ever read... I read it twice in rapid succession. The fandom POPS off. I must say I have issues with certain aspects e.g. fae lore completely ignored à la Twilight, all love interests 500+ years old and technically a different species, etc (I’m not going to deconstruct the entire series here but just know that I could... Nesta deserves better)

Cruel Prince by Holly Black - This fucking slaps, HB clearly has done her research, the lore is near immaculate, and it explores the Fae in such a unique way, tying it to the modern world subtly and seamlessly. My only qualm was that the books felt quite short; truly wish there had been more content.

Throne of Glass by Sarah J Maas (6/7) - So basically I read this in one single, hyperfixated fit which meant I literally locked myself in my room for three days straight and read all six books back to back in a row from morning to the wee hours. Which is not to say it was spectacular; although it was a VERY rich world, sometimes it was too much... this felt like 6 stories in one. Ik she was young when she wrote this but it is my humble opinion that SJM needs a better editor & I personally think Rowan is a grade A asshole / straight up abusive (& personally think the ACOTAR Tamlin plot was born from that?). It’s good but not as good as ACOTAR. Skip-read the last book.

Grishaverse (Shadow and Bone) by Leigh Bardugo (3) - This is essential to read before SOC but was very much simply a YA fantasy book, although the world was cool and the way the love plot played out was, imo, a subtle middle finger to the fantasy trope. Felt very much aimed at younger readers though? Really liked the sandwhich structure of the Proluge and Epilogue, especially in #2

Six of Crows series by Leigh Bardugo (2) - INCREDIBLE continuation of Grishaverse, better than the original series by a mile. It has the range, the diversity, the representation (the male lead is a disabled asexual and still the most cunning of the entire cast of characters), the plot is phenomenal, and it manages such a well rounded plot in only two books which means nothing is stretched out or squeezed in more than need be. Deserves all the praise it gets.

King of Scars series by Leigh Bardugo (0.5/1) - Personally I don’t consider this book canon, and while it’s nice to see the rest of Nina’s journey & the world again & everyone else, I don't like it. I will, however, be reading book 2 when it comes out, so shame on me, I suppose.

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo (1/1) - this was incredibly cool although it went off in a completely different direction than I thought it would based off the first few chapters? One of my favourite YA-author-debuts-New-Adult novels in 2020 though!

Crescent City by Sarah J Maas (1/1) - This was supposed to be SJM/s New Adult debut, although personally I would put her other series in New Adult, and I can’t say a remarkable amount was different with this except they said “fuck” and “ass” a lot. WHY is the romantic interest 500 years old AGAIN. I just... don’t... I just don’t think it was necessary... the world was cool though, and the last half of the book was riveting, but the beginning was quite slow and I thought the sword thing was predictable. I am interested to see where this goes though.

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab (3) - This world is so fucking cool... four Londons aka parallel universes & the one in ‘our’ world is set in industrial era London. Magic, girls dressing up as boys, thieves, pirates, royalty... it all just slaps. Schwab is an incredible writer & I was completely immersed.

Midnight Sun by SMeyer - I didn’t think anything could possibly detract even further from the Twilight story but I was sorely mistaken... seeing the stalking from Edward’s POV - and it was worse than depicted in Twilight, for the record - completely obliterated any sort of romance the first half of the original book may have portrayed. I still hold the opinion that the entire series would have been better if some kind of vampire lore had been abided by, if only to see all of the villains thwarted by someone dropping a bag of rice on the ground, forcing them to have to count them all.

An ember in the Ash by Sabaa Tahir (3/4) - This was just a very stereotypical ya fantasy series, emphasis on the YOUNG... it wasn’t anything to write home about but I remember quite enjoying it at the time.

The Power by Naomi Alderman - This book is FUCKING incredible and EXCEPTIONALLY thought provoking... essentially women alone develop a power of electric shock etc. and then take over the world from men, and it explores feminism and the balance between equality & tipping the scales in the other direction. Written by a friend of M.Atwood in a similar tone to handmaids tale, I would say? Content warning; there are some exceptionally graphic scenes in the latter half of the novel.

Hamlet by Wllm Shksp - I can’t believe it took me this long to finally read it but Ophelia is my favourite name in the entire world & we love to see a woman go batshit (although she didn’t deserve that).

Catherine House by Elisabeth Thomas - this was unsettling in the best sense of the word... it was a little slow & honestly more of a concept than a big reveal, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it after I finished it? A Secret History vibes but make it blurry like the memory of all those dystopian novels you read when you were young?

The Invisible Life of Addie La Rue by V.E. Schwab - This is without a doubt my book of the year, and probably the best book I read in 2020? I stayed up all night on a friend’s couch reading it, got a book hangover and reread the ending, and then thrust it upon my mother who doesn’t usually read but read this, and loved it just as much. HIGHLY recommend and you HAVE to read it, it’s beautiful and endearing and just plain wonderful.

Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat (3/3) - I went into this knowing it was going to be terrible, because I had received a blow by blow telling me as much; although I must say that it did learn a remarkable amount of new words, the books did get better as the series went on, and it did have a rather charming ending? BIG content warning for almost everything.

Sapiens by Yuval Harari - mind-expanding & must recommend for everyone, there is everything in this and I daresay everyone should posses this kind of knowledge? I listened to it as an audiobook (which I recommend because it’s rather hearty) but will be buying this in hardcopy & rereading it with annotations.

Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller - Without a doubt, one of the most beautiful novels I have ever read, and certainly the most beautiful portrayal of the story of Achilles and the battle of Troy I have ever seen. Patroclus deserved the justice that was given to him in this book; indeed, all of the characters were written with justice and grace. Highly recommend.

Trials of Apollo by Rick Riordan (3/5) - Apollo is my favourite Greek God, and the sexiest greek god, and Rick Riordan’s writing slaps, as always. It did pain me to see Apollo, the sexy immortal, have to be forced back into a 16 year old’s body but everything else? Whimsical & wonderful, as expected.

These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong - a retelling of Romeo and Juliette, except it’s set in Shanghai in the 1920′s, and the protagonists already have a history. Very well done, characters are incredibly diverse in race, sexual orientation, gender, and ability / disability (and honestly, representation has never appeared so effortless and elegant). Also it includes a monster and possible magic. Incredibly underrated and highly recommend.

The Once and Future Witches by Alix. E Harrow - this was such a unique concept, and truly captivating, the story was charming, and felt like the kind of beautiful fairytale you would read as children but with more grit? ABSOLUTELY recommend this one

The Pisces by Melissa Broder - I hated this so much, not my vibe at all. Mermaid smut x therapy but make it cynical and judgemental (I know there was a moral in there but that’s not my point) also the dog dies.

Library of the Unwritten by A.J. Hackwith (1/2) - really interesting & unique concept (all unwritten novels / ideas reside in a special library that is part of Hell and then sometimes the books can come to life) however, my first thought upon reading this was “this reads as if it’s stemmed from one of those writing prompt tumblr posts” bc of the tone and whatever and as it turns out I was somewhat correct, it did stem from a short story (not bad just obvious). It did kind of settle down as it went on but I found reading it kind of a drag, and I don’t think I will read the second one.

Abandon by Meg Cabot - 1. Meg Cabot’s writing always fucking slaps 2. Hades and Persephone but make it modern & very 2000′s & somehow kind of unique 3. I literally loved this, sue me

Medusa Girls (Sweet Venom) by Tera Childs - Like Percy Jackson except they are descendants of Medusa so they are Gorgons and have fangs & venom (hence the title). Gave me very 2000′s vibes? Quite cool but tbh I found the books quite short (like two hours each, if that)? Do NOT read the GoodReads description of the book before you read it, you will spoil it for yourself.

Bring me their Hearts by Sara Wolf - In my opinion, this is one of the most underrated YA series I read in 2020. The heroine is endearing, self aware, witty, and loves to look pretty even while kicking ass which in my opinion is an incredibly underrated trait. Also, immortality without being hundreds of years old? VERY sexy. HIGHLY recommend.

A Deal with the Elf King by Elise Kova - High commendation to be given for the fact that it is a standalone and yet manages to fit in the plot of what would usually be a full fantasy trilogy without cutting corners or being a million miles long? Also sweet storyline & beautiful ending? If you liked ACOTAR you should read this as a “what would have / could have been had SJM had a different editor” (No shade I promise).

The Iron Fae by Julie Kagawa (4/4 + novellas) - Incredibly detailed faerie set around the modern world & our current use of technology & iron in it. Very neat adventure-style series, by the time I read the last novella I was well and truly done with the world (aka provided enough content to be fulfilling). Was definitely aimed at a younger audience though, NO smut / smut was brushed over.

The Modern Faerie Tales by Holly Black (3/3 SS) - This is technically the prequel to Cruel prince, set in the modern world, but with the fae world inside it as it traditional? All I have to say is that it is excellent & I highly recommend it.

Bridgerton series (The Duke and I) by Julia Quinn (9/9) - I read this after watching the Netflix show twice through and I am obsessed, although the books were not quite as elegant as the show, and some parts that made me cringe either by their portrayal (it is very firmly set in the 19th century and thus some things are not handled with tact or grace), the characters were exceptionally loveable and I am so excited to see where the show takes them! Lovely language & an abundance of words I had never seen before (always a plus).

#the number of these which I hate with a passion now #fuck my life #HATE SJM #MAD about grishaverse #ASHAMED of bridgerton and the feminism leeched from my soul after reading this

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bakugoukatsuki-rising · 4 years ago

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So I have a prediction for what is to come in the next few chapters. And it just makes the most sense to me. ( I'm an artist, not a writer, so don't judge me)

So, GT is prolly gonna tell the teachers that Shiguraki has some way of tracking Deku and that he needs to leave ASAP before the LoV come looking for him again. And ofc since he's in a hospital with a shit ton of injured people and heros, not the best place to be. So *if* Deku isnt awake by now, they make plans to move him, Shoto, Endeavor, maybe Hawks to an undisclosed location where they'll be treated and far away from everyone else in case the villains come back. They'll probably move the kids somewhere else too. Bakugou ofc says "Fuck no! Wherever Deku goes, I go!" Hopefully, AM and Aizawa will let him come.

So they get to a new location, Deku wakes up, we get our BKDK talk. Then AFO is suddenly on the TV like "Hey Deku, we know where you are, but we're gonna let you come to us. Give up OFA and we "might" let people live. (Maybe they have his mom hostage or some shit idk.)

Being the dumbass self-sacrificing person he is, he agrees to turn himself over. But nOT BEFORE GIVING KAACHAN A SMOOCH (or something) TRANSFERRING OFA TO HIM INSTEAD! Then knocks him out or smth so he goes alone.

He's got a bit of it left (like how AM was after he transferred it to Deku) so AFO "thinks" he's got it.

Meanwhile, Bakugou is PISSED, as per usual and rightfully so. I mean he already almost died for the damn nerd once already. Class 1A catches up to him and are like "Where's Deku? We cant let him go, he'll be killed!" And Bakugou says ".....wait. I got an idea that just might work."

Cut back to Deku VS LoV.

Deku is about to "give up" OFA when Class 1A busts down the door: WHATS UP FUCKERS!

AFO: ha! What's a bunch of teenaged fledgling heroes going to do? You'll never defeat me!

Shiguraki: you mean "us"?

AFO: I know what I said.

Bakugou: how about a bunch of teenaged fledgling heroes supercharged with OFA?

*cue Avengers theme*

AFO, LoV, and Deku: excuse me, wHAT?

Bakugou: its called "One for ALL" right?

Class 1A: we ate his hair. It was really gross and weird. ;v;

Deku: ....... Fuck it. makes sense to me!

(Bakugou shares a bit of OFA with his class, like how Deku did with Kaachan in the movie. So AFO doesn't know who's actually got it. Is it Deku? Is it Bakugou? Is it Mineta? HE'LL NEVER KNOW!)

And then they fight, hero's win, Deku gets OFA back, the day is saved by class 1A, Bkdk kiss, roll credits.

The End.

Epilogue: BKDK happily married pro hero duo, bc its what we deserve. 😌

Ooooooooooh how compelling 👀👀👀

#bnha spoilers #bnha predictions #bnha #bkdk #aochou-hime #asks

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everlarkficquestions · 5 years ago

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Sunday Stumped Day 29

It’s another Sunday Stumped Day!

Sometimes we straight out get stumped. So every few months we will pick a Sunday when we’ll post of a list of asks that we need your help on.

This time around we have focused on Asks that are looking for specific fics.

If you know the answer to any of these asks please shoot us a message/ ask/ with the Post number and the fic details and we’ll add it and give you a shout out with our thanks. Any links you can provide will also be super helpful.

Thanks!

Post 1 , Post 2 , Post 3, Post 4, Post 5, Post 6, Post 7, Post 8, Post 9, Post 10, Post 11, Post 12, Post 13, Post 14, Post 15, Post 16, Post 17, Post 18, Post 19, Post 20, Post 21, Post 22 , Post 23, Post 24, Post 25, Post 26, Post 27 and Post 28 can be found here - and there are still fics we need your help with.

495. theman189-blog said:

Also looking for a growing together fic where peeta and katniss are painting a room ar one point and they get in a paint fight, at the end when peeta has katniss over his shoulder she draws a heart in paint on his lower back

494. theman189-blog said:

Hi there, just read a fic where katniss and peeta were peacekeepers and fall in love called protect and serve, and I could have sworn there was another one where they're peacekeepers and fell in love but had a more concrete ending and I cant remember it... any thoughts?

493. breakmeaswitchson said:

Hi! So I posted asking about this on a sub in Reddit and got directed here, it's not specifically an Everlark one (I don't think) but if you could help I'd be so thankful! Basically, it took the characters from the 74th Hunger Games, but the twist was that they all had to work together in designated groups? And (I think) weren't allowed to turn on each other until nobody else was left. I'm pretty sure Rue and Clove were on a team together, and I think the setting involved abandoned buildings.

492. jayana90 said:

Hi! I'm looking for a specific fic from Peeta's POV. I read it about a year ago & now I can't find it. It begins at his house in 12 with his family, then traces nearly all of the Hunger Games trilogy. It ends with a chapter with Peeta & Katniss living in 12 years later with their kids and a bakery. I think they loved cheese bread? It was really long and so good, I hope to find it again. V smutty.

FOUND! The Sexual Frustrations of Peeta Mellark by PeetasAndHerondales, which has sadly been deleted. - thank you, mistressnightshade!

491. allflowerscatchthesunlight said:

Fic name needed: I recall Peeta was taken by the capitol and then there was trackers embedded into his skin or something and he was found by the squad while in the capitol to kill snow. They cut it out of him. Also katniss was pregnant, but miscarried.

Found! Secret Wishes, Secret Kisses by @katnissdoesnotfollowback -- thank you KDNFB!

490. jsth2obooks said:

Hi I read this fix a while ago and now I'm trying to find it. It's Modern day Katnisss and Peeta have to go to a high school reunion an they pretend to be either together/engaged. At the end they end up with a child. Thanks in advance

FOUND! Somewhere That’s Green by Jlala. Thank you, @fangirlingoverquotes

489. uglydora15 said:

I read this fancition about Katniss and Peeta post mockingjay and Katniss was pregnant I think for the second time and Peeta has a flashback and Katniss caught him kissing someone else in the bakery and he had to beg for her forgiveness

Possibly There Are Still Worse Games to Play- The Second Part of Our Journey by panskiss123. Thank you, @sunsetsrmydreams

488. bad-fad said:

Hi so I think there’s a fix where mr. Mellark like takes in katniss when she’s young (I don’t think prim existed in the story but I could be wrong) and she grows up with the Mellarks but I can’t remember?? If not maybe some recs along those lines

Possibly - “Kinship” by Misshoneywell - thank you @endlessnightlock

possibly Star by HGRomance - thank you @nightlock-89

Possibly the deleted Lion’s Tooth by Alexabee

487. craftydiva0828 said:

Looking for a story where after the war, Katniss rides the trains searching the districts for Peeta; people search for loved ones by posting their pictures at the train depot bulletin board.

FOUND! when the far-gone dead return - writingforhugs (Thanks, @ladymurphyevermore!)

486. bookworm06 said:

I was wondering if you guys know about a fic where Peeta woos katniss slowly, they dare secretly for a long time i think. And then Katniss comes out in this beautiful orange dress(peeta’s favorite color) to announce their engagement. She’s dressed up for a feast or party in the district or something! I loved this story but can’t even remember the name 🤦🏻‍♀️

FOUND! - I Knew This Would Have Happened Anyway by @abk1973 - thank you, @litharalen

485. cowrintimrousbeastie said:

Hello! This is actually the first time I'm posting a question, I usually enjoy doing the detective work. This time though, I've looked high and low and can't find it... it's a drabble posted on tumblr in several parts. Peeta is living with his girlfriend Delly but during one of his baking workshops discovers that this longtime best friend Katniss is in love with him (she has him as her phone screen saver). She works at the library? He confronts her and she says forget it as he is happy w/Delly..

FOUND! By @cowrintimrousbeastie herself! It is How Long by @ra3lynn3. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 , Part 4 and Part 5.

484. beautiful-harmony1 said:

Hello! Thank for your great work. I am looking for a fic I read a while ago. Post-mockingjay. Katniss is really sick and Peeta comes homes a realises. He takes care of her. On her “death bed” she talks about this that would have happened between the two. I’m pretty sure some bursts in and say “we found a cure”. Thank you so much

483. thehopefuldandelion said:

So I’ve been craving to read this fic that hopefully I didn’t make up and I’ve been trying to remember it’s name. All I remember is that Katinss and Gale(I think) are dating but when Gale would go to sleep Katinss would text Peeta. I’m pretty sure they were coworkers and couldn’t date bc of this. I know that she broke up with Gale but that’s all that my brain can remember. I’m sorry if this is vague or you can’t find it. I just wanted to read this again. Thanks for all you do for the community❤️

FOUND! This is After Hours by SoThere -thank you, @mendontprotectyou!

482. redhoodhungergames said:

I’m looking for a fic where peeta goes to this hotel (or something) and finds Katniss who works there as a singer. I remember when talking we hear that Katniss is from Virginia

481. just-absolutely-super said:

There’s a pre-epilogue fic I read about Katniss and Peeta growing back together. I can’t remember all the details but I think in the fic Katniss finds out Peeta painted Prim and it upset her? Toward the end she’s outside his bedroom door and confesses to him that she loves him. Thank you!

Possibly - The List of Words by MyKonstantine - thank you, @jennagill

480. peetniss27 said:

OK i must be going crazy, but this fanfic is about panem being a bunch of islands and they all do a computer session and are matched with their spouses after being “reaped” and Katniss was dating peeta and ended up with gale. It was called the islands but idk the new name please help!!!!!

FOUND!

Are You Leaving Me? - iloverueforever (*Thank you, @superchocovian!)

479. uniquepizzacollectionblog said:

Hi, i"m looking for a fic where katniss and peeta and best friends and have slept with each other in the past and now the sexual tension is coming back, maybe you guys know of this story?

478. xgetawaycar13 said:

Hiiii so I’m looking for a fic in which Katniss and Peeta get married in catching fire by order of snow and they are also forced to have children but I remember that at some point someone told Katniss about how all the girls at school liked Peeta so she got jealous and have him a blowjob Thank youuu I already look through your master list about marriage in catching fire but I couldn’t find it:(

FOUND. This is Have Heart, My Dear by monroeslittle. Thanks @finestunicorn.

477. ochri said:

Hi i'm looking for this fic from fanfiction It's a post-MJ fic and there's this one chapter where katniss peels? her skin off her fingers and then Peeta takes her to hospital. That's all I really remember :/

476. nikki-pondtheauthor said:

hey im curious if there are fanfics in which peeta learns how to use a bow and shoot arrows (taught by katniss). bonus if he does this in hunger games. im sure ive a read a fanfic before, that was awesome in my opinion because it is a bit out of character for him but highlighting the fact that he is a survivor too and can handle weapons even if he is more a friendly persona

475. white-dandelion-seeds said:

Hey, can you find me this story- Peeta helped Katniss to escape when her family was being killed. But he got captured and was made a slave. Later he helps Katniss to take revenge of the death of her family

474. chippedcupsandbrokenhearts said:

Ok do you know the name of Fic where Katniss finally gets away from her abusive marriage with gale and goes back to her family. They didn’t know she was being abused. She falls in love with Peeta and I remember at one point gale found her and her family drives him out of town. I read this YEARS ago and now I just randomly had the urge to reread it but can’t remember the name. Thank you!!!

Possibly - A Safe Place by HavishamWard,but this fic has been deleted. Thank you, @endlessnightlock

473. jillpill55 said:

Hi, I love your page and have read probably a hundred fics because of it. I hoping you can help me find this fic I read a couple of months ago. Peeta was captured and when he came back he couldn't kiss Katniss because of a implant snow had put in peeta's leg. I would be a mutli-chapter and may or not be finished. Thanks

Possibly - Rekindling by ShiningCity. Thank you, @sunsetsrmydreams

472. svmn14 said:

There was a story about Peeta suffering from an undetected hijacking attack timed 10 years after the last Games where he was designed to hurt Katniss

FOUND! This is Broken: Scenes from the Sequel by MockingJayFlyingFree. Thanks @sunsetsrmydreams

471. hiyosakura said:

Hello! I was wondering if you could help find this everlark fic. I’m not sure if it’s completed or not but it also has hayffie in it a bit I think. So the story is that k and p fall in love before their games and they meet at their tree in school or something but then they get reaped and I can’t remember what happens after that but during the quarter quell Katniss is actually pregnant and Peeta and Katniss are able to communicate with their lips touching.

FOUND! That’s 74th Hunger games Challenge: We Always Were - Jamie Sommers(*Thank you, @superchocovian!)

470. ptx-holic said:

Hi, i’m looking for a fic where katniss is in a relationship with gale and then she met peeta and they are in a relationship but they caught katniss having two relationship and katniss move to somewhere and then she came back few years later and met peeta again. I’m sorry if this is confusing for you but i can’t find it. Thank you :)

Do any of these fics ring a bell? Please let us know!

#SSD #sunday stumped day #compilation #mod post

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silverbastardgoldenfool · 5 years ago

Text

Realm of the Quarantine Reread End-of-Book Questionnaire: Royal Assassin

Any differences between your first/previous reading experience and this one?

Not as stark a difference as with Assassin’s Apprentice, but definitely still there. Apart from all the obvious stuff, like feeling much more attached to the characters already and picking up more details, I think the biggest change was a complete lack of patience for the teen romance drama lol. There was a decent period where I was feeling quite frustrated with it. Not that I loved it the first time round, but back then I had a very different view of how it fit into the story. I saw it as teaching Fitz a depressing lesson of what it really means to be a royal bastard and a king’s man. Fitz’s literal need (for all he knows he would have been killed if not for his deal with Shrewd) and sense of duty to put his loyalty to his king and country first creates a relationship that is toxic, turbulent and built on lies. And teenage horniness masquerading as love. I saw all that the first time and thought it was just something he had to go through. Now I know it’s something he never really goes through but rather grips onto, romanticises and ultimately goes back to. I know the point of that is meant to be that he finally gets to have something for himself, but why it had to be Molly specifically??? I have very few qualms with Robin’s writing choices overall, but why she chose to write their relationship this way if they really are meant to be is beyond me, especially when so many of her other romances are written so well - it feels like it can’t possibly be unintentional. For most of this book they’re either fighting or fucking and honey! That ain’t love! Hell, Fitz all but sees her as just another demand on his time as the book goes on. But he can’t let her go because she’s the one thing he can point to that makes him feel normal. Not happy, not cherished, not safe. Normal. She’s simply a refuge from his real life. He literally says to Chade “I need her.” I find that so telling, man. It’s not really about her, which is a shame because Molly is great. They’re just really not good for each other.

So yeah. It’s just kind of trying to read all the Fitz/Molly stuff when you know and don’t like what it ultimately culminates in. At the same time… Bee… So I will always be conflicted lol. I just can’t separate the events of Royal Assassin from the furious disappointment I felt when I finished Fool’s Fate. Perhaps I’ll have a new Fool’s Fate experience this time that will make the next re-read a bit easier in regards to Fitz and Molly? But I won’t bet on it lol.

Anyway. It’s not as if I haven’t already said just about everything there possibly is to say about Fitz and Molly yet I also feel like I could go on about it forever. Luckily this is kind of as bad as it gets in terms of how much “screen time” they actually get (apart from Fool’s Assassin maybe? But they don’t bother me too much in that) so yay! I made it! And hopefully it’ll be a good few books before y’all have to endure my ranting about it again :)) Also hopefully this doesn’t give the impression that this read was more bad than good? It was mostly just a particular angsty chunk before they properly get together that was a bit of a slog to get through, but overall I really loved reading this book again and got a lot out of it.

Something you can’t believe you forgot

That Molly punches Fitz in the face hard enough that he bleeds and that Fitz fully intended to punch the Fool for asking if Molly was preggo before seeing he had already been beaten. I pretend I do not see it.

Favourite character introduction moments/scenes

Omfg I was just about to say “huh we didn’t really get any major character intros in this book” bitch Nighteyes???? But in my defence I just. Cannot process the fact that Nighteyes is only really in 3 of 16 books he just feels omnipresent to me BUT his introduction is most definitely iconique and god I love him and he made me cry eight thousand times!

Favourite character arcs

Speaking of Nighteyes: what a glow up. He goes from angry, scared, untrusting little bb to……. Nighteyes. Like. How does one even describe the kind of person Nighteyes becomes. He’s just Nighteyes and I love him with all my fuckin heart!! He is Fitz’s constant… He is wise… He is silly… a comedic genius…… a big, open, unconditional heart. Incomparable. I can’t believe I’ve seen ppl saying they dislike/d Nighteyes……. Honey…… it’s called taste xx

Favourite quote/s

Again no tabs so it’s a bit harder to keep track but there were a few that stuck out enough to copy down. There are a lot of iconic quotes in this book that get shared a lot so I only bothered with ones I didn’t remember.

- “I wince to think of the price willingly paid for loving me.”

- “My soft, clean bed beckoned, like a soft, clean tomorrow.” (mood)

- “I looked and saw they were both made of hungers, like containers made of emptiness.”

Favourite relationships

Kettricken/Verity obviously. I was shocked by how little time they actually have together being in love before Verity leaves??? Because all I remembered was how strong their love is. But the whole journey towards that love is what makes it stand out as an actual compelling story in its own right. This is definitely one of Robin’s greatest skills as a writer; giving the minor characters depth by giving them their own relationships that grow and change and have a life of their own outside of Fitz. It makes the world feel so much more alive.

Also Burrich/Fitz in this book continues to be bittersweet, but with a lot more sweet in there than usual! They fully start out this book as a team. Burrich calling Fitz “FitzChivalry” makes me fuckin emo and idk why even. Burrich does seem to start seeing Fitz a lot more as his own person in this book which changes their dynamic in some rly nice ways. The fact that towards the end of the book Burrich even uses the wit to help Fitz is enough to make me cry tbh - and writing this has made me realise that I’m officially past any uncomplicated good times between Burrich and Fitz y’all mind if I fuckin die real quick!!

Fitz/Verity is soy pure and beautiful. Fitz and the Fool is always, always compelling and complex and tender and perfectly mysterious. But overall you’d have to say Fitz/Nighteyes, hey? They are literally meant to be, in a way so straightforward and undeniable and beautifully simple that I never really know what to say about it. Little brother!!! :’) They literally make me cry all the frickin time lol rip!

Favourite setting

There aren’t that many to choose from in this book! Ima go with the skill river bc hey, Robin’s magic systems are so unique and beautiful and the fact that the skill is written as a kind of a place is really frickin cool and deserves a shoutout.

Favourite chapter

The final chapter (not the epilogue) ummm broke my heart but it is written so beautifully, oh my god, it’s like an out of body experience. I feel like this is kind of when RotE becomes RotE - the first time it really goes to that place that is so fitting yet so unexpected, so beautiful, so tragic, so awful, so visceral. Making use of the genre to really test the limits of humanity; to see how far you can bend a person without breaking them and then refusing to turn away from the consequences. Idk man!! I don’t know how to describe it without sounding like a pretentious dick but it really is that intense and strange and overwhelming for me. There is something in that moment, when Burrich pulls Fitz’s body out of the earth and Fitz/Nighteyes is recoiling from it and deeply terrified… Something about the enormity of the existential questions raised converging with the pinpoint specificity of it all being wrapped up in the story of a character that feels so real and who you care about so deeply… It’s almost written like a horror scene, but that’s not quite the feeling. It’s just the RotE feeling; there are multiple throughout all five series, and it’s what makes these books unlike any other.

Most loved character

Fitz, Nighteyes, the Fool all had my entire heart this book. The Fool is just so sad and pathetic and literally must be protected!! I think I’m kind of obsessed with Burrich? Also I think I almost forgot how much I love Kettricken? She’s a complete badass of course but she’s also got the biggest goddamn heart like…. Who said she was allowed to be such a beautiful person???

But god, everyone. I love them all.

Most hated character

What can I say? Regal is disgostang. Wall Ass a close second.

Raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimised by Robin Hobb (most heartbreaking and/or visceral moments)

Shall I list just a few? :)

- Burrich screaming at Fitz through the bars of his jail cell, horrible things you can’t help but feel are at least a little bit true

- Burrich sobbing over Fitz’s dead body repeating, “You aren’t dead, you aren’t dead.”

- Fitz going to Nighteyes before everything went down on the night of the coronation and just fuckin hugging him really tight

- Fitz trying desperately to leave his broken vessel behind but not quite being able to disown his body

- The Fool being beaten

- The Fool being beaten again

- The Fool sprawled and weeping across Shrewd’s dead body

- The Fool really believing for a moment that Fitz had betrayed him and killed Shrewd

- Fitz tending the Fool’s wounds………. bitch….

- Chade giving Fitz a chance to escape with them and Fitz going to kill Serene and Justin instead

- Idk why this is even that sad but Nighteyes saying the only person he loves is Fitz!

- The entire incident with the forged ones literally tearing apart a three year old girl, which I had completely blocked out until now :)

- The fact that Fitz continues to be reminded and traumatised by this incident for the remainder of the book beCAUSE HE IS A GOOD BOY. A VERY GOOD BOY WITH A VERY GOOD HEART.

- Fitz repelling at Nighteyes to try and force their bond broken

- LITTLE BROTHER

- WOLVES HAVE NO KINGS

- High off his face Fitz calling Patience “mother” no shut the fuck up!!!!

Details, observations, spoilery notes made with the benefit of the full picture

- I’ve been trying for ages to decipher when the Fool started falling for Fitz, and I think I’m officially putting my money on their last interaction in AA. “I wish I had a place that was as much me as that place is you.” I mean. If someone said that to me… I’m not a slut but who knows, ya know? (I know this is more a note for the last book but I thought of it while reading this book. So shh.)

- It’s so clear to see this time how much Fitz’s sense of self and politics are affected by his time in the Mountains. He obviously feels much more inclined to their way of thinking about royalty and sacrifice and equality and returns to Buckkeep with a self-respect he’s never really had before. Weird how being among people who don’t just think of you as The Bastard will do that.

- It’s no wonder Fitz becomes so fixated on Molly; he literally has almost nothing else to occupy him and no companionship when she suddenly shows up

- It’s gross that he spies on her, obviously, but you can’t not take into account the fact that Chade has been teaching him since he was ten that this is justifiable behaviour; a reasonable way to gather information and get what you want. Fitz’s lack of social awareness goes further than him just being a little awkward; he has literally been trained to believe the only thing wrong with stalking would be getting caught.

- I’ve seen a few people talk about the fact that Regal isn’t appropriately punished as if it’s bad writing and like, while it is frustrating, it is supposed to be frustrating - it is not a plot hole. It made sense to me the first time I read it and it was even more obvious this time; Regal has the loyalty of the inland duchies. If he were to be publicly punished those dukes would rally behind him and raise hell, and Regal would no longer need to play the part of the dutiful prince. Even if Regal died a “natural” death - something I can’t see Shrewd or Verity orchestrating anyway - the inland dukes would feel that they no longer have a Farseer on their side and may, again, raise hell. It’s a delicate balance that would be outrageously difficult not to topple if you removed Regal from the equation. There is a lot more to it than I’ll bother writing here but yeah. I don’t really know how people can read this book and think that Regal retaining his life and position is some sort of lazy plot contrivance. It was all set up in the first book dude.

- Fitz and Nighteyes meeting in this book is the perfect metaphor for our need for connection versus the fear of inevitable loss. Fitz’s experience tells him that entering into a bond with an animal can only end in pain, yet he can’t resist it. In real life this is especially true with humans and our animal companions, since they almost always have a shorter lifespan than us; signing up to love them is signing up to lose them. But the same is also true of our relationships with other humans. And like Fitz, we have all had our fair share of loss and pain. We all have our reasons to be afraid of the connection we naturally crave. Sometimes we give in to the fear to the point of holding ourselves back from it entirely. That’s where Fitz is at when he meets Nighteyes. But what’s so beautiful about their arc as a metaphor is that it suggests that these connections, if we submit to them, are what keep our vital spark alive. Even when Nighteyes dies later in the series, the sentiment always remains, essentially, “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” Ya boi is projecting bc it’s hard to be vulnerable and make friends as an adult, but I think the observation stands. Love and connection and vulnerability are key threads that run throughout all of Fitz’s story, but in this book it is best represented through him and Nighteyes.

- “I hoped I would not become too adept at lying to myself.” Honey, you got a big storm comin.

- Very inch resting (gay) that Fitz finds it hard to meet the Fool’s eyes. I know almost everyone does bc his eyes are weird, but I reserve the right to reach and I will absolutely NOT be accepting criticism.

- I find it interesting that Fitz says Kettricken’s wit is not strong just because she doesn’t use it exactly the way he does

- I know it’s not meant to be funny but……. The way Fitz described losing his virginity had me literally laughing out loud

- Fitz was really like “okay i better go break my bond with Nighteyes” just cos he and Molly fucked. Teenagers don’t deserve rights.

- You know what? I really, really appreciate how fucking weird these books are lol. What other author would use their magic system to have their characters accidentally intruding on each other’s awkward sex stuff? Okay, maybe a few, but they would do it to be like, edgy and sexy. Robin Hobb just does it to make you cringe so hard you lose several years off of your life.

- But seriously, even apart from the cringe stuff, these books get so strange and out there and like! That’s what magic is for!

- Bruh. When Fitz is like “omg poor Verity…. He’ll never have what i have with Molly” I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone encapsulate the self-important delusion of teen romance so perfectly lol. Wow.

- Okay some Fitz/Fool stuff that made me lose my tiny mind. Sorry.

- Fitz literally said about the Fool “he burned too brightly” I WILL DIE.

- Fitz is always like, irritated by the Fool… yet positively delighted by his presence at the same time…… okay bitch

- Inch resting how Fitz has always been uncomfortable with the Fool getting serious. I don’t quite know how to put my thoughts on this into words so like. I’ll just put it there. Make of it what you will.

- “Sit on my clothes chest and take your shirt off…” i stopped fucking breathing noah fence

- “I ran my fingers lightly down the line of his jaw, and around his eye socket. At least no bone seemed damaged. ‘Who did this to you?’ I asked him.” my GOD this is literally textbook gay/romance. It hurts me. It physically hurts me.

- Straight from my notes: “I can’t even focus on reading this bc it’s the first time they are tending each other’s wounds and I am a homosexual!” and “the gays are quaking!! (it’s me I’m the gays)

- Okay wow! I think that’s it! Hello if you made it this far! Hope this was remotely coherent and I’m always keen to hear your thoughts on my thoughts :)

Anyone doing a reread feel free to fill this out! You don’t have to use the tag :)

#rote #realm of the elderlings #royal assassin #royal assassin spoilers #fitzchivalry farseer #realm of the quarantine

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