#once again im really sorry that i wont be able to be there for it
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here-there-be-drag0ns · 2 days ago
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actually im back because this art gave me a tiny spark of inspiration to write up a little concept related to this
gillion attempting to retry training that ice-dagger skill he never quite got but is tentatively hoping he'll be able to figure out now with how much stronger he is. but he cant get it. he tries for hours again and again and again and he just cant fucking get it. and its bedtime - past bedtime really, and gill still hasnt come down to their quarters and chips getting worried so he goes upstairs to find gill *still at it*, but he seems to be shaking just a little and his breaths are hitching. so chip goes over and gently puts a hand on gills shoulder and says "hey man, i think its time to give it a rest. come on, bed time."
but gill wont even look at him just glaring down the target and throwing Another ice knife that misses again. he just mutters "no, no, not until i get it. im gonna get it i just- just need to try *again.*"
and chip grimaces, cause he knows how gill gets when hes this focused on something. but he also knows gillion struggles more when hes overtired and hes definitely overtired. so he gently says "maybe tomorrow," to him
and watches in real time as gillion pauses, knife in hand, and takes a deep shuddering breath. and on the exhale it comes out as a sob. and once that first sob escapes its a flood gillion cant stop and the knife clatters out of his hand and he covers his face just sobbing so hard out of exhaustion and frustration.
and chips a little startled but he tugs gill in for a hug Immediately and starts rubbing his back and rocking him back n forth and shushing him gently everytime he babbles another "im sorry, im sorry, I'll get it, i promise I'll get it, i just- i- i just need to try again, ill get it i promise!"
and chip just lets him cry it out while gill slumps further and further against him as his energy wanes and exhaustion fills his bones. and chip just presses a soft kiss to his temple and murmurs "come on, buddy, let go to bed. we can figure it out in the morning."
“Maybe tomorrow…”
happy birthday gillion
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(closeup below)
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radi0activec0smos · 1 year ago
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Happy birthday @bagelblue/@blue-eridanus!!!
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skunkes · 7 months ago
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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synthshenanigans · 8 months ago
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there’s one on here currently and they’re bringing back up old controversy (jashshipping)
Yeaa I saw that. They also seem to post a bunch of CJ related things, so I might make the daily photos one since there isn't one for just CJ screenshots/photos
#im gonna be a fait bit busy today so I cant make it rn#also wont be making it tomorrow as there's another strike happening then [ill make a post on that later too btw]#but i want there to be an account just of stuff from the vids or of the ones he posts on twitter#as for the shipping thing#i wish ppl wouldn't be so rude with things sometimes man#my stance is basically the same as CJs. interpret it however you'd like just don't show it to ppl who are uncomfortable with it#also don't harass or be a dick to people who do or don't ship it#im glad it died down since then at least & that there's not a bunch of hate going around#this fandom is simultaneously really nice to be in & also really draining sometimes#tho it definitely isn't the worse. ive been in a lot of ones that are a LOT worse than here. big & small#place is actually quite nice mostly. despite some things that deserve needing to be called out [like some of the ableism toward Heart]#I think things would be a lot better if people just let others do their own thing. as long as its not like. fuckin illegal or offense#or against CJs boundaries. just let others vibe out in there own corner#ain't that what we all said when TH purists complain about CJs covers? No ones forcing you to consume the content. is all good#just stay where you're comfortable! if anyone's forcing you to look at their stuff then they're the issue. and that goes both ways#again just listen to what the guy said. don't show it to people that don't like it. don't harass people who do it don't like it. an like#just be groovy#sorry for the rant this has just been on my mind for months now#im generally very neutral on things but i hate everyone just yellin at each other when there doesn't need to be yelling in the first place#again this place is hell of a lot better than other spaces ive been in#its a main reason this is the first fandom I've actively participated a shit ton in#im actually using discord & talking [a bit] to other ppl for once lol#idk man i like it here. Just don't make a reason for people not to like it here#again apologies for the rant op. this has just been on my mind for some time & i really don't want shit being blown up again#also apologize if anythins spelled wrong or sounds like nonsense#shitty keyboard + dyslexia + not being able to edit tags can make dumb results lol#moss rants#[atlas asks]
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phagodyke · 2 months ago
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aouuugh my uterus......
#long long day at work codeine wasnt helping with cramps and my meds are less effective on my period :(#ive been doing okay most of the day tho just starting feeling kind of miserable omw home bc such a long wait at the bus stop in pain#and im kind of lonely at the moment but wont be able to climb tomorrow bc of cramps so thats my main social source gone :(#and it always feels worse at home bc if im having a hard time like in physical pain or feeling down my roommate cant rly handle it#like she cant rly be in the room with me the headphones go straight on. which is ok im realising its just how her type of autism works#so im trying not to get as upset at her abt it. with varying degrees of success but it just takes time#i mean i dont get upset AT her like ik its not her fault and i dont want her feeling like it is. I keep it internal + cry once im alone#just different social needs n boundaries innit. we're a bit incompatible is all#but its still hard. I'd like support from other ppl when I'm struggling i mean i think thats a fairly normal thing to want#but of the friends I would be comfortable talking to abt how i feel none of them have that kind of emotional availability#which again is ok like its not on them. and im very capable of dealing w my shit myself one way or another so its not a Need#but idk. it would just be nice. I feel like I've had to be so independent most of my teenage and adult life and I wish I could take a#break from that sometimes. even just a hug would be nice man#sorry i always come on here and talk abt the same problems... well youll see me do it again no doubt abt that 🫠#ughh and i feel so guilty for wanting things ppl cant give even though i know its not really my fault either and im allowed to want things#and i dont cross boundaries or make them feel bad abt it. i really hope i dont anyway. but still ahhh...#its so hard for me to feel connected to anyone if they cant rly engage w me emotionally at all like its a non negotiable#factor into closeness and trust for me and i get so frustrated bc i feel so distant and alienated from the ppl i care abt most#and ik i overreact bc of my rsd so maybe its just that its probably not even a real issue. but its real to me bc im the one who gets upset#man. anyway its okay just a really really long day. im gonna wash my dishes and then shower#and finish my book. maybe i should play some dead cells i miss it. i dont really want to think abt how i feel anymore#maybe ill see if anyones free to hang out tmr evening so i dont have to feel as lonely even if i cant leave the house after work#all good nice to have a plan anyway. done sniffling. my hot water bottle is helping thr cramps a littlr i think#.diaries#oh i dont think its helping actually ow. i took more codeine an hour ago why doesnt it do anything. not fairrr 😭
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motionpicturesforcarrie · 2 years ago
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i cant even talk to my academic counselors without freezing up and stumbling over my words how am i supposed to go to therapy and actually talk about myself 🤦‍♀️
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starboye · 3 months ago
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starring: jacob elordi x male reader
request: jacob elordi fucking his boyfriend just rearranging his guts in doggy style and his bfs ass is just bouncing with each thrust and he keeps spanking his juicy ass
warnings: SMUT, stomach bulge, rough sex, overstimulation, creampie, unprotected sex, cursing
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"fuck- jacob slow down" you desperately moan out, putting your hands between him and you trying to stop his thrust but he just grabs your wrist and pins them above your head, pushing them into the bed as his grunts get louder and louder "im sorry baby but i can't you feel so fuckin' good" jacob groans leaning down to kiss you as a sort of apology for going so hard.
but it's not his fault just seeing you in those shorts really got him going and there's no stopping him once he makes up his mind that he's gonna fuck you and you knew that all to well from the multiple times before that this has happend but now it felt different and even harder.
his large hands wrapped around your thighs holding your legs apart as he fucked you into the bed, your moans were like words of encouragement pushing him to pound you harder and harder, ut with that you were slowly losing your mind as you turned to mush under him "ngh please jacob just 5 minutes" you try to plea with him but it falls upon deaf ears as jacob brings your legs into his arms.
pulling them into his chest tightly to make you even tighter and get a good look at your face, your tear soaked and wrecked face that's begging him to take a break but his hips wont listen, he continues fucking you on and on until you're a babbling bitch under him for his cock, not being able to conjur a single thought in your mind other than letting out whimpers and moans.
"just one more time i promise then im done" he was apologizing again and again but his hips told a different story as it kept abusing your ass, he may have thought it was the last time but then he'll go another and another and another till the sun is beaming in through the curtains the next morning.
"please finish jac...." your eyes were rolling to the back of your head at this point as you struggled to stay awake after the hours of fucking, your ass bouncing with each thrust into your hole and your stomach bulging out as jacob stretched you out like a flesh light, which is almost what you were reduced to with the amount of cum flowing from your gaping hole after he finally took control of himself and pulled out after the 8th or 7th load.
and seeing you fucked and knocked out made him feel especially bad once coming to the realization it was him who did this, waking you up the next morning with breakfast in bed and kisses as if he didn't fuck you unconscious last night "and what is this" you asked lifting yourself up to lean on the headboard "an im sorry breakfast" jacob smiled hoping you'd forgive him for his actions "well then i gues i could get past it" you chuckles kissing his cheek.
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taglist:@mailmango@spermeboy@ghostking4m@gayaristocrat@addictedtomalepits@staarb0y@crispysoup318@its-ares@gargoylesworld09@kadenvatsune@fuckshft
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livin4woso · 4 months ago
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Scarred for life (mapi x ingrid x leon!Reader)
Summary - When mapis' younger sister decides to come drop off some clothes, she had stolen off her older sister she ends up interrupting something she shouldn't have, and it leaves her slightly scarred.
You hadn't thought anything of it it was a normal day off, no special occasion or any media, just a random Thursday. You had borrowed mapis jacket a couple of days ago for a photo shoot and decided to return it. However, you had your own key to the place, and you had shown up unexpectedly to her and ingirds apartment many of times, and there had been no issues until today.
You were mapis younger sister, and she raised you to be just like her, a footballer. You had grown up idolising her, and you had captured the football world by storm as the lèon sisters a formidable pairing, some even referring to you as the brick wall of Barcelona. It was only a couple of years ago when her and ingrid got together and you wished it had happened sooner because ingrid was the balance to mapi that she needed. You and ingird got along far too well for mapis liking, even ganging up on her the odd few occasions, leaving her to fake pout with her arms crossed.
The drive from yours to mapis apartment was relatively short, but there was still roadworks that added time to your journey. You had finally reached her apartment and because you're her sister you had a spare key not for emergencies or anything just because you and mapi were close siblings and liked spending time with each other outside of football which may be for the reason yous had amazing chemistry on the field with eachother.
The key finally turned in the lock, opening the door with a satisfying click. However, unlike usual, there was no immediate sign they were home, so you thought you would just leave the jacket in her living room with a note to know that it was you. However, you wished you never showed up after what you saw.
As you stepped into the living room, it was if your life flashed before your eyes. "EURGHH OH MY GOD.. IM GONNA BE SICK, " you shouted. The sight before you was ingrid between your sisters legs on the couch, something you didn't want to see. "ON THE COUCH ASWELL UREGH IM NEVER SITTING ON THIS COUCH AGAIN NOT UNTIL YOU GET ANOTHER ONE," you continued to shout with your hands over your eyes as large amounts of scuffling happened.
It was about 5 minutes later, and it was like the scene was repeating in your head. "Im so sorry y/n ermm we weren't expecting you." mapi started this time in clothes. "Yeah no its okay im just never going to be able to come back here ever again... sooo goodbye and have a nice time just next time do it in the bedroom!!" You stated walking out the door.
Once you had left ingrid had started laughing to herself "well atleast your sister knows you're not as tough as you look and the fact you're a massive bottom" she said and mapi retaliated by smacking her arm "its not funny" "oh it really is amor".
That night, it might have seemed dramatic, but it was replaying in your head, causing a lack of sleep, which wasn't helpful for training the next morning. You trundled into the changing room, barely even noticing where you were going. "Whats wrong with you chica" said pina slinging an arm around your shoulder "i don't want to talk about it but if you want to know id ask my sister about it" you said groaning as you tried to shake off your tiredness.
You had came earlier than usual to try to avoid your sister and her girlfriend, which had worked as you were the first one on the field which had never happened before. Meanwhile pina couldn't help herself so she went and aksed mapi "sooo whats wrong with y/n the poor girl looks traumatised" "its nothing she's just being dramatic from yesterday" mapi said trying to blow the conversation over but pina had caught ingrid snickering to herself so she knew it was interesting.
"Pleaseee ingrid you have to tell me i wont say anything" she practically begged the taller girl "okay okay so basically y/n walked in on us in the living room" she said not even embarrassed "oh god no wonder the girl is traumatised" pina said through laughing.
"Well, she did shout at us that she was now scarred for life and is never coming back over until we get a new couch," ingrid said, laughing at the flashback of you shouting in pure disgust.
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sweetieviktor · 23 days ago
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viktor x librarian! reader (headcanons + tiny scenarios) part 2
summary: even before your relationship, heimerdinger already knew you and viktor liked each other. now, he wants to help to bring you two together.
content warning: fluff!! and a bit of language towards the end :D (it was written with s1 viktor in mind!)
author notes: im here again with the viktor and librarian! reader hcs, but it was so cute and i couldn't turn down the anon who sended me the request!! i really liked to write this (i mean.... you can see how much i liked, its pretty big lol) and i hope you like it too! (i recommend you read the part 1 before this, bcs you wont might understand some stuff since its on the first. well, here's the link for part 1!)
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» being a librarian near piltover’s academy means that every time a student needed some book or document you might have, they would come to you. even professors.
you’ve seen the doors opening, but you didn’t see anyone standing there. you thought that maybe it was the wind, but soon you heard a voice coming from behind the reception desk. “hey, down there!” looking down, you recognized the owner of the voice, professor cecil b. heimerdinger.
“oh, i’m sorry, didn’t see you in there!’’, you rubbed the back of your neck, nervous, afraid considering that you had one of the most important people of piltover inside the library you work in. “well, how could i help you?”, you offered him a polite smile and he offered one of his, fur twitching up around the corners of his mouth.
“oh, you see, maybe you do have some old stuff, like-”
» after this, whenever he needed something, he would find himself already walking to your library. he often recommended the establishment for his students and pupils, making it a spot for study dates and scientific discussions. now, it was even harder to take breaks, the place was more crowded than it ever was. oh, you just wanted to hear what heimerdinger was wanting to say, about what had been happening at the academy or, even better, at the council, but, obviously, only the non-confidential stuff.
when your lunch break hit, you were finally able to come meet the professor, a normal occurrence every week. you could see his small figure waving and smiling, seated and already waiting for you at the cafeteria he likes. “hi, friend! i’ve ordered the usual for us,” he said while adjusting himself on his seat, “my assistant and one of my students are working together on... something. it's revolutionary, i could say, but very dangerous. i’ve already advertised them about it but they insist on doing it anyway,” he sighed, tidying the ends of his furry moustache, “and my assistant, specifically, wants to know if you have some old materials that could possibly help them.”
“oh, of course! it’s always a pleasure to help piltover’s geniuses.”
» next week, he showed up with the said assistant, viktor, and it was love at first sight. he was gorgeous and intelligent too. oh, dear janna, he was the perfect kind of guy. you eyes didn't catch how he was less confident than how normally he is, or the way he smiled at you, of course you didn’t, it was the first time you’ve met each other, but professor knew you both well enough to know something was going on. and he was correct when he said viktor would come in there often, because, indeed, he did. way too often for someone who was meant to be just a customer.
» sometimes, heimerdinger would stay in the library, pretending to read some book, only to observe how you and viktor interacted around one another. it was crystal clear how you liked each other, but were rather afraid to confess your feelings, so the yordle made it his personal mission to help you two to get together.
» and when you first sorted and stored some books for viktor based on what he was reading these past days, it was when it hit him that he might be liking you. and later, once he reached the academy again, jayce and heimerdinger already were waiting for him in the lab, both of them noticing how tense he was as soon as he opened the door.
“viktor, my boy, what happened?” the yordle said, making up space on the couch so his assistant could sit by his side. which he did, leaving the books on the table and his cane near himself, often rotating it around its own axis, just so he could occupy his mind with something that wasn't you.
“it's nothing, professor,” but he knew viktor was lying. the way he played with his cane, or how he wasn't looking at their eyes, it all made him seem more and more suspicious.
jayce came closer, sitting at the edge of his rotating chair, touching viktor's shoulder lightly, “hey, if something is happening, you can count on us,” his eyes full of empathy, looking at his friend, “whatever it may be.”
soon, it clicked for heimerdinger. his assistant just came back from the library, he had books on his hands and was visibly shaken. of course! how could he forget about the librarian? “i might have a theory why he is like this, jayce,” he chuckled, leaving viktor flustered and jayce confused. he met jayce's curious gaze, his own smile bringing a smirk to his pupil's face.
“and what would be that theory?”, jayce asked, thinking about all the possibilities of what had happened to get viktor like that.
“he is in love, boy.”
jayce smirk grew to a smile, then this smile turned itself into a full laugh, shaking his whole body, rubbing his hand over his face, trying to recompose himself. “i can't believe it!”, he was trying to hold his laugh, while viktor looked at him, completely serious.
“then don't,” viktor said, giving his friend a death stare.
jayce took a deep breath, never wanting to see this look again on viktor's face, adjusting his posture and continuing, “tell me, who is the lucky one?”
“i don't want to say it.”
“please?”
“fine! ehhh... do you remember the libra-”
“HA! I KNEW IT WAS THEM!”, jayce shouted, throwing his hands in the air, celebrating.
» from this day on, jayce and heimerdinger often gave viktor advices on how to win over your heart (because they had a lot of love experiences before, obviously). one day, heimerdinger suggested for him to bring over some coffee and pastries for you while you were working, he even recommended the ones he knew you liked, the usual you ordered in the cafeteria on your lunch breaks with him.
» so your not-a-date happened. people were talking loudly on the streets, but not a single client in. the natural light coming from across the windows giving the whole place even more of a cozy feeling, the light breeze was getting colder but the coffee he brought for you was keeping you warm. there was soft music playing in the background – most clients liked it since it helped them to focus, or so they said –, but you couldn't concentrate since he was looking at you, stealing glances from in-between pages, admiring you while you pretended to read, just like him. little did he know your heart was already on his hands.
» after a particular day, where you finally confessed to one another, exchanging your firsts “i love you's”, you both started to be spotted together a lot, usually at library or, like now, at piltover’s academy, bringing your boyfriend resources useful for him and for jayce too.
you knocked on the lab's door, receiving an answer from the other side, a muffled “come in” from someone you assumed was jayce. you then opened the said door, greeting jayce quickly while you walked towards a desk, leaving everything upon it.
heimerdinger was near viktor's workbench, helping him solve an equation, both totally focused on their tasks. when the tiny creature noticed you, he immediately came to you, “oh, friend, you're here! what brought you in there?”
“i've invited them,” viktor said, putting his goggles over his forehead, reaching for his cane and standing up, leaning on it. “i wished my, ehhh, partner knew my work place. besides, they also got me the books we needed, right?”, you nodded your head, gesturing to the desk where the books were placed on.
heimerdinger looked at them, then to viktor, to you and back at him, “oh... so, now you're partners?”, heimerdinger raised his brows, tilting his head to the side, “well, i knew it would happen sometime. i mean, ever since i’ve seen you both together, i knew you would be together,” he smiled, his fur turning up, “oh, friend, one day, me and jayce realized why he was acting so weird around us, just after one of his visits to the library, it was because-”, heimerdinger was talking excitedly, gesturing with big motions until viktor cut him.
“oh, please, professor. stop it,” viktor said, walking up to you and standing by your side. redness was spreading over his cheeks and ears, “there's no need to share any of this.”
“but you were-”
���professor,” you called, looking at him with apologetic eyes, “sorry to interrupt you but my break is going to an end in-”, you looked at the lab's clock, “fifteen minutes, i must go now.” you've met heimerdinger and jayce with a goodbye, then, getting closer to viktor, tidying his hair and adjusting his goggles over it so it won't fall over his golden eyes again, “see you later, vik. i would like to hear about any stories you might want to tell me,” you kissed his cheek, happy on how he blushed even more after the little display of affection, walking away and leaving the lab.
“you are in love!”, jayce said in between a laugh, pointing towards viktor.
“fuck you.”
“language, boy!”
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whole-circus · 1 year ago
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Hihi I recently started reading your works and stchnvdhnifbmb I'm obsessed now lol
I must ask how the creeps would react to someone who was there for them before they became the way they are now? I'm quite curious (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠;)
Take care and hydrate <333
Creepypastas with reader that had knew them before tragic eventes
➥ with Jeff the Killer, Homicidal Liu, "Ticci" Toby, Eyeless Jack, Ben Drowned
Ahh you waited so long for this Im so sorry!T^T
Also you guys have no idea how sweet that is! Im glad that someone likes to read my scribble! <3 Lots of love and also remember to hydrate! I choose couple of pastas, but feel free to inform me if you would like someone else!
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.•┈••✦ 🖤 ✦••┈•.
☆ Jeff the Killer
During one of this normal days, or maybe during calm night? You finally saw him..You were looking at eachothers, not sure what to do - sure, he may be a killer now..but this killer was once your friend? Does he even recognize you? But to your suprise, he just started laughing. It wasn't his casual maniac laughter..this one were more friendly, just like the laugh of him you remembered. The laugh of your best friend. He remembered you..and even if he is way diffrent now, then the part of him is still your best friend. You are finally something good in his miserable life, and he almost felt normal once again. Its funny how you make a man like him smile and sigh in relief, just by your presence. And he doesn't care what he did do somehow deserved you again - all he could do is being grateful for that.
☆ Homicidal Liu
You manage to meet Liu on one, ordinary night. Even if he looked, oh so diffrent, then inside you could still recognize his past self. When it comes to Liu, he couldnt believe his luck in that moment. He craves for sense of normalcy like nothing else, its his only true wish..but now you are here again? He start to remember all this nice moments from his childhood..you were in all of them! Even if he didnt recognize you at first, he felt so many strong emotions and could find something familiar..and like that after a quick chat you finally were in eachothers arms once again. There you were..his only hope and only love, you have no idea how long he had waited for you - and when he finally got you, he wont let you go again.
☆ "Ticci" Toby
After everything he had done, Toby really became all this names they used to call him in school - he was a monster, a freak in fact. Could you even look at him in the same, sweet way you used to as a kid? He was scared, constantly scared..so he didnt made a first move. Until that day. When he finally saw you again, he finally felt at peace. The feeling when you were again in his arms felt like coming home from a long journey. He was able to feel the same thing, the same love and care from you. And he already felt much better, just from seeing your smile again.
☆ Eyeless Jack
He was sure you wouldn't recognize him..now he was a monster after all, a inhuman being, a demon straight from poeple nightmares. But he wished, he dreamed that you would look at him in the same way - they way you used to when everything was normal. Meeting you again made him so incredible happy..he almost feel human again! All he could do was just hug you, and sob quietly.. you had so much to talk about, but you have time for that..the only thing that matter is you right now.
☆ Ben Drowned
Ben wasnt the same person you used to cherish and care for..shit, he wasnt even a person, a human anymore. So was he still worth of your friendship? Your sweet words and hugs? Was he even worth looking at you? But he finally decide to meet you once more, he had all eternity and he needs you to make it worth exisitng. So when he showed up at your doors? He had it all planned, the things he will do and say..but just seeing you made him tear up and look in guilt to the ground. His always cool and smug persona, was replaced with the seriousness and culpability. And when you took him into your warm embrace? When you started to shush him ,a dcomfort him? He felt at peace once again, almost like nothing else matters but you both. You already made him the happiest and nothing can compare to you, nothing else in this world.
.•┈••✦ 🖤 ✦••┈•.
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thatshadowcomic · 2 months ago
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The Doom
I actually really like this post, despite how sad it is, I wanna talk about it more, because it can be seen as Shadow's state of mind in the madness of Doom's physiological attack.
I wanna say again, I'm okay, just in a lil stupor. Once and a while I get hopeless, but I actually really like this vent art. Sorry for scaring you guys, and thank you for your kind words.
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Shadow is curled in defensive ball, but his back is open, because he's still desperate for connection (back, spine, brain, get it? Im so cool wow). Sonic is reaching to him, giving him his last ring, his only sense of control. He's opening his hand for it, but covering his head in fear.
A third hand seems to be clawing at his stomach, which shares a resemblance to his own hand. He's hurting himself by being so defensive. I often feel a tightness in my chest when I'm stressed.
The writing on the wall, is his thoughts, which are unfair:
"Why wont anyone help me? Because I won't ask. You don't know how [to help me]. Neither do I. I should be able to help myself, it seems so simple, yet I cant. I have nothing to give you, I have nothing to give you. But I have nothing to give to you in return. (This sentence is seemingly in reply to an unknown one, likely something sonic is saying.) I am selfish and lazy, entitled to a path, my purpose is met and yet I'm still here. I have nothing to give to you. [for your help]"
In sonic's case, he's willing to take on the burden because It helps him run away from his own. That's been a HC since I was a kid.
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wildglitch · 5 months ago
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Can i just share my weird Captain Marvel x Hazbin Hotel au? Pls? Yes? Ok thank you-
Im a fucking weirdo. Im a total and complet fucking weirdo. Cause tell me why I fully belive that the sweet summer child known as Billy Bean Batson would 100% befriend the canabalistic Alastor whike he was alive, and continue to be his friend after he found out he was a serial killer.
(Ok so, This idea is fully just based of the fact that they are both there in the early 1900 and both where radio host's. This is how I see it.)
With some (timeline fuckery) Billy and Alastor where both radio hosts around the same time. Since Billy was a child that (pretty sure canonically) spared him from Al. They would both collab and work together since they are both in the east cost area, and would grow to become good friends. Alastor liking the weird child star that didnt shy away from him, and Billy who lives in Fawcett and has no sense of sane human.
Billy would eventually find out he was a killer and try to stop him. Its a slow burn murder mystery that ends with Billy exposing Al on air and Al finding out hes Marvel. Stuff happens, big of Villian fight, Al gets away, and a few years later he dies.
Once dead, They kinda reunite since Al's such a big deal in hell. They (for some reason) reconcile saying it was pretty fun trying to keep the secrets from eachother and move on, meeting up every once in a while.
Flash forwards, its the new millenia and the JL need help defeating a Villain. Constantine suggests a really sketchy and dangerous demon that wont be easy to convince into doing something good. The League agree.
JC: *summons demon*
JL: *Ready to convince a tough demon for help*
Al: Good evening! I'm you're host the radio demon. What fo I have the plesure of doing today folks?
Batman: Radio Demon. We need your help savin-
CM: Al?
JL:
Al: Hm? OH Billy! Why its so wonderful to see you again. Gosh, how long has it been? 1? Maybe 2?
CM: 2 Decades.
Al: Boy how time flys. What can I do for you old friend *Walks out of pentagram*
JC: Im sorry you shouldnt be able to do that-
CM: We need some help saving a city. I'll give you an interview if you do
Al: Well, celebrity guest do bring in the ratings. Lead the way while I tell you what I've been up to down there
*walks out chating like the bestist of friends*
JL:...
Superman: what just happend-
Flash: WHO WAS GONNA TELL ME CAP WAS BUDDY BUDDY WITH A DEMON!?
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pixieskie · 1 year ago
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˖˚˳⊹"i really do love you.. im sorry"˖˚˳⊹
-warnings: Angst, depress!on, su!c!dal thoughts, detachment, scars, body dysmorphia, disassociation, not proofread, chubby reader. -chars mentioned: Scaramouche -wc: 0.6k -a/n: i dont even know what to say.. Um this is .. something.. enjoy?
masterlist
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as someone who felt every emotion more intense than others, it also meant feeling more sad. it should've been fine but you simply couldn't feel happy.. you have friends and family but still felt so lonely..
“helloooo” scaramouche waved his hand infront of your face to get your attention.
Suddenly looking up, you see him frowning at you. “what’re you thinking so hard about.. do you not wanna watch the movie?”
“sorry.. i just spaced out” you said embarrassed.. “just continue the movie, ill pay attention this time”.. Scara simply muttered a small ‘fine’ and resumed it.
Scaramouche is your best friend, the one you share everything with. But.. he could never understand the depth of your emotions.. The void you feel inside.. The aching loneliness that consumes you at every moment.
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“Yes lets go to the beach!! itll be perf....”
“ooh i just bought a new bikini…..”
“wont it be too sunny? ill get tanne….”
you drowned out their conversation and thought of excuses to skip… you had no other choice.. a bikini wouldn't cover your scars, stretch marks or tummy fat.. it would be on display for everyone to see your insecurities and then they'd hate you.
“guys im sorry but i have to study this weekend.. exams are close”
“again? but didnt you say the same last week…”
“oh come on! itll be so fun…”
“ugh she does the same everytime…”
Ofcourse they wouldn't understand.. They had the perfect body..
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The words were blurred as you tried to read them.. Nothing made sense to you anymore.. Your exams were near and you have to study but the words together don't make sense anymore..
Sighing, you went to splash some water on your face to wake yourself up. Looking up into the mirror, you saw failure.. Someone who cant study.. Someone who wouldnt be able to make a living..
You sat back down at your desk.. You can study and change your future right? its just a book..
But.. you cant make yourself read the words anymore.. you felt so tired..
Why cant you also be like others?.. Everyone else is so successful and perfect.. They have good grades, perfect body and happy lives..
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You sat on the edge of the roof.. This used to be your hang out spot with Scara but eventually you both stopped meeting there.
“where the fuc- YOURE HERE?” Scara dramatically sighed, huffing. “Ive been searching all over for you. Come on, ive made dinner.. you have to eat something”
You chucked softly at his caring nature and nodded silently.. “Scara?” he was about to leave but turned back to look at you “yeah?”
“I love you”
He chuckled in confusion “yeah yeah i get it, i love you too. no need to get all sentimental with me, its just dinner.”
You turned back to the sky once he left. He probably went to your kitchen to fill a plate for you..
You smiled at the thought. He was the best person you could've asked for..
And it hurts. He cared for you so much but you couldn't appreciate it..
Leaving never had to be this painful.. But a tear fell down and you closed your eyes, recounting your memories..
There were so many happy moments you never got to enjoy.. Sad moments you stayed numb.. And the huge gap in your memory.. and nobody knew how you felt because you never let them.
‘Im so tired… Im so tired..” You looked at your feet, dangling off the roof.. ‘i hate this .. i dont wanna do this.. but theres nothing else to be done’
You took a deep breath in.. “i really do love you.. im sorry”...
…..
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tags: @rubywonu @stygianoir @unsavoy-melon @kashiiwi @babbledabble25
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slttygeto · 2 years ago
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COMFORTING YOU AFTER A BREAKDOWN
featuring: gojo, geto.
genre: fluff, comfort.
note #1: super self indulgent. my best friend had just finished comforting me from a breakdown and i thought why not write something abt these men being sweethearts.
note #2: double update???? see yall in 2024 i guess /j
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—GOJO
im not even being biased when i say hes the best at comforting
he’s extremely intelligent. but his emotional intelligence makes him feel safer
he wont really act “goofy” like most of the fandom makes him out to be
but rather sit with you and wait until youve calmed down before he can ask you if youre ready to talk
it seemed as though the more he tried to get you talk, the more your lip quivered before you went back to crying again. this has never happened before, and it’s not like gojo was panicking about how to comfort you, he was just extremely worried as to what pushed you to such a breaking point.
rubbing your arms with his thumbs as you stood between his legs and cried on his shoulder, the tall white haired man remained as quiet as possible, slowly wrapping his arms around you.
“do you want me to rock you a little bit?” he rested his chin at the top of your head, gently swinging your body from side to side as he listened to your stuttered breaths and little sniffles that slowly broke his heart to pieces.
“are you ready to talk?” the question itself brought tears to your eyes once again, your arms wrapping around his torso to squeeze him tight and pull him closer to you.
“okay, okay, that’s a no I guess,” he added in a teasing tone, chuckling a little when he heard you snort in between sobs.
you were sure of one thing, and it was that no matter how shitty your day was, getting to be with satoru was able to fix everything.
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—GETO
goes into protective mode the moment he sees that youre crying because he knows it takes a lot for you to breakdown this hard
will hold your hands and repeatedly ask you if youre hurt somewhere or if you need to go to the hospital
only to realize halfway through that it was just a bad day, a bad week or maybe even a bad month since you tended to brush things off until you were going to explode
“you scared me,” when he said this, he didn’t mean to make you feel guilty. yet watching you slowly sit up on his lap, swollen eyes filling with tears once again as you let out what he understood to be a “im sorry” in the shape of a sob, shattered his heart to pieces that he had to place his hand on the back of your head to have you hugging him again.
“not saying this to make you feel guilty baby, it just shows that i care. i care when you’re going through something and it affects you this much,” you knew he was referring to the fact that he found you sobbing on the bathroom floor, messy hair and attire being a sign that you weren’t even able to get out of bed the entire day.
“it was just a bad day. was too tired to try and lie to myself,” you mumbled against his chest, body relaxing when his fingers started to trace your back gently.
“if it’s a bad day, then let it be a bad day. even if it physically stops you from getting things done, you’re doing more than enough.”
and sometimes, you wish you were able to record when suguru was this…soft. not that he wasn’t on other days, but seeing him be this careful with his words wasn’t really often considering his blunt personality.
yet, you were still grateful for every part of him.
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2023 © all works belong to slttygeto. do not repost my work anywhere else.
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viktorrights · 5 days ago
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hello! i want to start off with thanking you for sharing coming home (but not to you) with us!
i was hesitant to read it at first, just because it’s not finished yet, but ofc i ended up giving in. best decision i’ve made :’))
aaaaaaaaaaa im in love with how you wrote them. gosh, the angst hits amazingly, i immediately ran to my friend to share it and told them to read this now!!! i’m a sucker for professors au (we’re lacking in it /sobs), slow-burn, angst, yearning, friends to rivals to friends to lovers again and your fic matches all those! and to top it off, your writing is amazing!
LOVER BOY JAYCE, MY FAVOURITE FLAVOUR OF HIM!!! fawk i just want to give him a hug and a pat on the back /becomes ximena for a bit to just do that/ lmao
and viktor huhuhu holy fuck how do i even describe what i feel for him? i think the best way to express it is /takes off mask/ i am jayce—jk dbdbdjd but yeah i love viktor a lot and i feel so much for him idk how to form the words😭 he’s my favourite and i love love love the way you write him! i love how you were able to balance his confidence and insecurities so well i just want to squish him dhdhdhd i think at some point i was praying he stops being stubborn and let jayce apologize, but honestly it’s hard and i understand why he was very firm. gods the tender moments between him and jayce huhuhu i want to bawl my eyes—i love jayvik so much.
the highlights for me were the catnapping (love this scene), viktor’s mentorship with jinx (my two faves😭🩷), the sisters’ reunion, ximena (omg i love her so much, i want to be her child and get smothered by her love), and ofc, the apology scene😭🩷🩷🩷
this was supposed to be just a small thank you and then get to my questions, but i ended up gushing a bit ^^; i should have probably taken this to ao3 comments instead dbdhdhd
so moving on to my questions, please know you don’t have to answer them if you’re not comfortable! i’m just interested in knowing some of the process authors’ go through when writing fics! and the way they choose to interpret the characters and their relationships.
- what made you watch arcane and fall for jayvik?
- were there any troublesome scenes/parts to write?
- which dynamics were you excited to write and explore in cmbnty?
- were there scenes that you wanted to incorporate, but didn’t end up adding?
- and lastly, other than arcane and jayvik, what are some of your interests?
that’s all!! and once again, please free to ignore the questions if you’d like!
p.s i laughed so hard on your author’s note about jayce not driving a cybertruck😭
thank you so much again for sharing cmbnty!
<3
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HOLY MOLY THIS IS SO SWEET AND THOUGHTFUL!!!! I LOVE QUESTIONS!! I'm going to take some time to answer this one so here. Also, I do get into the current chapter a little (no spoilers, obviously, but maybe some lil hints/teasers, so I hope that's cool)
thank you so much for your thoughts on my viktor and jayce! I've worked so hard on trying to make them just the right amount of difficult and flawed so I love it when people see that and says it hits <3
the catnapping scene was so fun to write - and I adore jinx - so I'm glad those two things also hit fo you <3
i first watched arcane when it came out in 2021 because I saw gifs of it on tumblr and was so thrown by how beautiful the animation was. (I wont lie, controversially, I almost gave up on it because the music was so..... choice to me). i loved jayvik at the time. i was really hoping caitvi was going to hit harder (another reason I got into it is I heard lesbians) but I didn't really connect with the enforcer elements of caitlyn's story (I love her but yeah I found it all a bit questionable and I'm very very sick of lesbian cops in media)
i was obsessed. but not 'its time to engage with the fandom' obsessed. for some reason the first season just didn't hit as hard then as it did on my re-watch.
fast forward to 2024 and sorry this is so personal - but I'm between hyperfixations and am very depressed (lethal combo DKSLFJHSD) and it was the perfect storm for me to get re-immersed in arcane after I saw the first trailer on my twitter feed.
jayvik itself hits a lot of buttons for me I just adore. they're both genuinely kind characters who are flawed but want to do good. they have a natural chemistry and I just love stories about people who hold certain gifts that may be isolating and then they find each other and it means that they become the only people who can really understand each other?
I'm also OBSESSED with scientist characters. something about the beauty of discovery. the passion. the way its so easy to create something with good intentions that winds up causing harm. i have close family in stem and did a lot of stem stuff in undergrad and idk. i just really love scientists. my ideal woman is some hot woman in stem DKFLJSHf.
viktor being disabled (which i also am) also added a layer to this for sure. and just. the immediate stakes of saving someone's life. connecting over a dream - that Jayce is just so graciously and immediately willing to share after like. a few hours alone together lmao. it all feels so intense and loving.
2. troublesome scenes to write
so many dfkljh.
the flashback in chapter 3 came kind of out of nowhere for me. i did not expect it to get so emotionally charged- and to feel so much when I was writing it. i left this note in chapter four - but I was sitting on the chapter for days and afraid to publish because I was so surprised by it. it wasn't so much troublesome to write as it was troublesome to edit/reflect on. i got really in my head. i was like this is fanfiction about league of legends characters. why did I write this? DLKFJSHD.
the flashback of their big fight in chapter 5
this one, I'm so glad I wrote this before getting eyes because I fear I would have been very tempted to sanitize it and make it less mean. even now I've gotten a few comments being like. :( jayce would never do that :(
in my opinion... he would lol and I stand by it. everybody is capable of being really ugly and horrible when pushed into the right corner/circumstances. and jayce very much did manufacture weapons on the show despite viktor's wishes - so its something I was really wanting to explore in a modern context.
its just something i had to think a lot about. how far did I want it to go? how could I make it get really nasty while keeping some sort of empathy alive for both sides, especially jayce. how to I make sure viktor doesn't become this innocent victim in it all? how do I make sure that mel, despite being a catalyst, isn't portrayed as like a villain who ruined everything and instead as someone with her own unique motivations and concerns that happened to deliver crucial information? i hope I did all of it well. I'm personally as happy with the scene as I'll get with anything.
out of all the scenes I wrote, this is the one that gets the most pushback, specifically relating to jayce. i knew that would happen going into it, because I think the fandom has an over-romanticized view of jayce's arc and actions in season 1. but oddly I'm almost happy with that? I'm glad that it challenges people. one of the things I find most compelling and beautiful about jayce is redemption. and redemption can't happen unless you do something that requires it - so I hate that people ignore how much fucked up shit he does in season 1 lmao.
mel and viktor's slay-off on the balcony
the end of chapter 11 where mel and viktor talk I just knew was going to be incredibly important. it was one of those moments I was leading up to the whole time, because I knew it would be very relevant in future chapters (wink wink) and because its such a culmination of everything that's happened so far.
on my first write of it, i think because I was afraid of it, I focused way more on the logistics of what was happening with noxus and the board etc etc. it took me a while to find a balance between plot and emotion I was comfortable with.
for some reason the entire time i knew they were going to wind up laughing together. that was very emotionally important to me. but getting there was uhh... hard. again. I'm not saying I did this (or the above scenes) perfectly like good god. but yeah this one was a hard journey.
very important/high-stakes scene in chapter 13
there is a very big scene that I've had planned the whole time that, after season 2, I found important to take in a slightly darker and more dramatic direction. a lot of reasons I was torn on this - 1 - allowing season 2 to influence my writing is something I'm hesitant about. but also this is FANFIC so I decided that's kind of the point.
but its very much been a very delicate balance of a few things - 1. how do I not get preachy and let my anger at the particular storyline in season 2 affect how I write this? 2. this deals with jayce and viktor being witnesses to other characters struggles vs being at the center of it themselves? so I have to deal with how much they can actually be present. (this was also a struggle I had when Vi and Jinx reunited) how much they would logically witness before it feels like they're only present so I can continue telling the story. 3. because its such a dramatic scene, how do I make the dialogue feel real? how do I not let a particular character speak their feelings too much while also giving people a good window into their psyche? 4. how high the stakes should be. (this I will elaborate on once its out)
i am incredibly nervous for this scene. more so than anything else I've written in this fic. I'm still working on my first draft of the chapter and am going to spend so so much time in the next drafts on it. it's going to be really hard to land this one - and I really wanna do it right.
the final scene :)
i still dont have my final scene. i know where its happening, what thematically I want of it, how we get there, and I know I'm writing it today.
there was a moment where I almost went in a direction I think people would like- but have decided against ultimately. it felt too... cliche and a bit unearned.
additionally, with characters like viktor, who really struggle with saying what's on their mind, I have to play a very careful game of giving him bits of dialogue that land and feel like growth, without feeling unearned or unnatural.
3. which dynamics were you excited to write and explore in cmbnty?
aside from the obvious, jinx and viktor (honestly after season 2, i wish i explored jayce and ekko more), mel and viktor, cait and jayce.
4. were there scenes that you wanted to incorporate, but didn’t end up adding?
there's nothing huge that jumps out at me. honestly, I think there are probably some things I could have condensed more looking at the word count. i think the only thing is I had an idea for a flashback last chapter that dealt with jayce in the aftermath of viktor leaving, but I couldn't find a way to make it relevant, and it ultimately felt very overindulgent and melodramatic in the outline in a way I really didn't fuck with.
and lastly, other than arcane and jayvik, what are some of your interests?
:) i'm really into film. i'm a bit of a film bro lmao. i like video games (huge bg3 fan). true to my ao3 name i love cats and animals in general. I'm fascinated with outer space, physics, astrobiology. I'm also a huge history nerd, especially "weird" and unheard of history.
my whole life is writing really. in a way that's probably not super healthy lmao but it is what it is.
I am so sorry for the insane yap session I just went on. hopefully it doesn't come off overindulgent or like self involved. i just love chit chatting haha and happen to be fully on a break from work for a few weeks so I have a ton of time on my hands dfklasjdf
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phagodyke · 2 months ago
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venting sorry... don't want to just delete it bc it helps to get it out just ignore this post pls 👍
haven't slept much at all and feeling so sick andstressed and in pain bc my period is due and so tired its making me dizzy but i cant sleep more or ill just feel more sick and I want a hug and to cry so hard into someones shoulder but no one cares or will even come near me it makes me feel diseased they think things about me that aren't true bc I struggle so much to communicate and thry all make assumptions insteqd and no one wants to give me space to talk to them about it so I cant undo that now and its all my fault and I'm so. exhausted :-(
#going to try and stay awake until lunch at least and yhen maybe ill take a nap. but i need to be able to sleep rpoperly tonight#at least i know im only feeling depressed bc my period is due which means my meds dont work how they should#like its kind of weird n psychologically interesting to feel so depressed again suddenly bc i havent been at all lately#well theres not much i can do abt feeling sick and in pain but ill take it easy. wasnt planning on leaving the house today anyway#and i do need to find a way to talk to ppl abt shit im struggling to communicate bc it really does bother me. and i dont want to do this#im tired of keeping everything in and wound so tightly i just want to feel seen and safe around someone please. please 🥹#its all well n good getting along with people better than i rver havebut if they still wont support me when im going through it#then it fades into shallowness like our friendship still has value. but im unable to feel close to them or safe around them#and right now im glad im doing so well im glad of so manynthings but its so scary to know that if i start doing bad again there is#noone and nothing there to catch me i dont have anything in the way of a safety net just myself. so better not fall 👍#and irs been makinf me feel so horrible lately bc my mum has been trying to emotionally drpend on me again and its making me feel like#when i was a teenager again and i was fighting for my fucking life against what i didnt know was mental illness and i had no outlet and#nowhere to go and i wanted to die so badly and meanwhile everyone around me was completely unaware and making me handle all of their#emotional issues and i was trapped there absorbing everyone elses damage and not being able to express mine and thankfully i didnt kill#myself and i got out and ive gotten so much bettee and worse and better sinxe and how i feel now is nothing like that really but im just#being reminded of it a lot and how hard expressing myself is and sometimes it feels like ive made so little progress#in thetorture labyrinth out here. but i dont want to do this forever i need to get better at expressing i just need people to support me#but i feel unsupported its like thin ice. but its alsonmy fault for not trusting. i dontnknowwwww.#maybe when i dont have to pay for private meds anymore and when i get this raise at the end of the year ill try therapy again#i dont think itll solve the issue bc its the ppl i care abt in my life that i need to be able to talk to. but maybe i can get some#better tools to help me be able to do that. i dontnknow i dont want to think about it anymore actually im going to go do smth else#sorry for venting its been a really nice weekend genuinely feeljng so good in general atm. and yeah i still struggle with the same things#but generally ive been handling their effect on my mental health so much better!!!! like im still feeling okay regardless of them#but they are still there and i will need to go from tolerating them to dissolvjng them at some point if i want to feel okay long term#it doesnt have to be like this. and i do actually truly believe that for once which rly is a sign of how much prpgress ive made!!!!#working on my shit is a fucking lifelong project....as im sure it is for everyone else too. all of our first time on planet earth#we will get through yhis. and anyway how i feel now is super temporary jsut triggered by a few thingsand ill keep reacting to them this#way until i managr to properly resolve them properly instead of folding them nicely and tucking them out of view#bleugh. okay yeah thats enough for now. meds softening the edges too ive stopped crying which is smth#chilling for a bit n then im going to watch some tv or a movie and iron and polish my boots and after lunch i might draw. or not we'll see
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