#once again I am thinking about the death in our flag means death

[o-wild-west-wind]

I’m sorry but I just don’t think I’ll ever get over the fact that our flag means death is, at its core, just the story of two guys who bond and eventually fall in love over their mutual insecurity of being really bad at committing murder

[jellybeanium124]

what is izzy if not the human embodiment of the dead rats living in the basement who left the basement to go stink up the 30th floor of an elementary school (the revenge) with raincoats made of toxic masculinity, homophobia, repression, leather, and sword.

[theclaravoyant]

new headcanon time Ed might be bipolar

not in like a omg he’s sooo bipolar way I mean more in like an adhd 🤝 bipolar , shared traits all the way down except **prolonged periods** of depression and/or mania and higher suicidality with bipolar, extremely high co morbidity kind of way

[renthony]

OFMD has officially been cancelled, and I am once again thinking about all the people in the world who nitpick diverse media to hell and back when it isn't 100% perfect, as if having nothing at all would be preferable.

I'm so fucking tired of good, earnest, diverse media getting held to ridiculous standards by both networks AND fans, and then getting cancelled.

It was supposed to be three seasons. David Jenkins fucking said it was supposed to be three seasons. And then the network dragged its ass on renewing for season 2, and now...no season 3.

FUCK this shit. I'm so tired of media by and for marginalized artists getting fucked over. I'm tired of marginalized people fighting for scraps and then getting the rug whipped out from under us.

Yeah, OFMD isn't the only thing out there. There are other things to go enjoy, for the moment. But the fact that it's the shows that are queer and multicultural that keep getting cancelled is pretty fucking transparent, and I've seen quite a lot of concern from people in the industry about the direction we're headed. The outlook is concerning. It's more important now than ever to support marginalized artists, whether they're making indie art or trying to get something made by a mainstream studio.

Our Flag Means Death. Warrior Nun. One Day At A Time. Willow. Dead End: Paranormal Park. First Kill. Q-Force. The Owl House. Steven Universe. A League of Their Own. Vampire Academy. I could go on, but I don't need to, because there are entire lists that have been curated by news sites: Gay Times, Out, Autostraddle, Pride, Movieweb, Collider.

There's a reason I spend so much time and energy studying things like the Hays Code and the history of censorship. This shit comes in waves, and the only way marginalized artists survive it is through community support, mutual aid, and being really goddamn loud.

So be loud. Make art. Support your fellow artists and the artists you love. We need each other if we're going to weather the storm.

[12-seconds-to-live]

How do I say goodbye?

pairing - f1drivers/2022 

sumary - pt1. of 3 stories about losing the only female driver of the grid

warnings - mentions of death, explicit language, description of a crash.

word count: 1.170

---------------There’s a moment, for me, as a driver, I consider like my personal way to “settle down and go”. And for the first time in my life I wish I was wrong ---------------

“If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world?”

“It’s a rainy day in the Baku GP, not usually we see rain in this circuit but I think that there’s a first time for everything. It’s one of those day when I look up to the sky and start thinking if there it’s something about to happen”.

Well, I guess I wasn’t wrong.

“Radio check, y/n”

“Everything looks ok and wet, and I’m still hungry”

“Thought you like it wet?”

“Oi, that’s Max’s joke”

“Haha. Gotta wait for the end of the race for you to eat, you’re currently P4, gap with Leclerc to 0.2 seconds”

“Copy” 

It was raining in the most extremely way and nobody have the decence of just put a stupid red flag, what a stupid thing coming from the FIA. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not afraid of these conditions, I’m afraid If something happen to somebody. Being the only female driver wasn’t easy, tons of people saying that I’m not as good but, being with Williams and being accepted by them just gives me all that I need to be who I am today.

“I don't quite know How to say How I feel”

“When It’s the red flag coming up?”

“No news from the stewards, we’ll inform you. Keep on strategy B then pit on the next lap, please”

“It’s pouring and I think...”

Silence

“Alice, are you ok? can you hear me?”

“There’s a massive crash on turn 10, we belive It’s the Williams of y/n Brooks. The race has been red flagged”

“we need to know you’re ok, help is on it’s way, stay calm if you can hear me”

Every driver stays in ther garages, waiting in silence, expecting for news, the thing is ... they are not good, they don’t want to say goodbye, not again.

“The marshalls are trying to take her out of the car and I’ve never seen something like this before. I...I can’t...this is so heartbroken for me. I think she’s not moving, the ambulance arrived and they’re taking her. We can see all the drivers reunited. There’s no news about restarting the race but from here we hope that Alice is ok and get back soon”

Maybe.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Forget what we're told Before we get too old Show me a garden that's bursting into life”

It’s been a week since your accident, the GP was cancelled due petitions from all the teams. All the drivers refuse to race knowing that one of them was almost dying. After two surgerys, the doctors keep yourself in observation, you weren’t awake and without signs, no much can’t be done.

The day before the drivers were allowed to visit you, all of them reunited in petition of Alex, your teammate, he made a promise once and with an uncertain future he decided that it was the right time.

“I talked to her mom yesterday. She couldn’t finish the call” said Sebastian in a sad voice

“I feel empty, this is all FIAs fault, I mean, I can’t barely see anything in the circuit”  said Lando

“Yeah, we all agree with that, at the moment we have to keep our prayers and wait for her to heal. I just... I just call you all because...she...she just” start Alex but remembering the reason made him cry.

“Please don’t tell me she passed and we are the last to know” almost scream Max in horror

“Don’t even say that you morron” said George

Alex dry his tears and start “When we were testing the car she made promise to read out loud something but...but I can’t, I’m afraid to lose her, she’s my teammate, my friend and I’m hopeless. Her accident was horrible, The car was a mess and look at us, we are all a buch of mess boys ‘cause we are losing her” he starts crying ever more that George has to keep beside him “And...and have you seen her family? The have that look when we saw Anthoine parent’s after his accident. I...I can’t read this, sorry”

All the boys stand and hug eachother, thinking of you and how much you change their lifes.

“Let's waste time Chasing cars Around our heads”

Being Alex’s confident

Lando’s favourite parther in twitch

Max’s favourite admirer

Daniel’s shoulder to cry and prankster teammate

Pierre, Charles and Yuki’s mom

Lewis and Zhou’s stylist

Sebastian, Kevin and Alonso’s gossip updater

Bottas favourite rookie

Carlos and Checo to be the one to always talk in spanish

George’s to be the one who always laugh with

Mick for helping him being his best version

Esteban for always watch with him Marvel movies and tv shows

And Lance to be his tennis pal

All of them remember. And one thing is sure. There’s no need of a letter of goodbye to remaind of special you are, how loved you are. They don’t want to say goodbye, doesn’t seem fair but...

There’s not always happy endings.

“Please seat, i’m gonna read it” said Lewis. He wait for all of them and open the envolope that contains your letter, he saw your handwriting, so organized with a blue tint on the paper.

He look all their faces and begins

“Hello, if you are reading this is because something happened to me during a race, well, this is not what we wanted but... well, everything happends for a reason. The thing is that i’m not scared, not at all, i mean, this is almost my last words, not coming from my voice but from the bottom of my heart, every race weekend i think about this, got scared and wanna quit sometimes ‘cause i don’t want to believe that i’m losing you.  I don't know where my life is standing after this and everybody must be scared and sad and confused but I just want to let you know that my absence will never change that you guys are my family” Lewis just recieves a hug from Valteri who decides to continue reading.

“Don’t be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before we can meet again and again, after moments or a lifetime, is certain for those who are friends and family. Even though i am going away you will still be a core part of my life. For all the times we hang out, shared laughs, pranks to everybody and races and now I will miss you all the time, hope you do the same. Goodbye. For now. And please, take care between each other. To you, all the drivers, my family, thank you and I love you”.

“Those three words Are said too much They're not enough”

[knitnightstudio]

Rings of Our Flag Means Death

This is somewhat conjecture but I have a theory about Ed's rings on Our Flag Means Death and I need to get it out of my head and written down. I'd be thrilled if @davidjenks could confirm but I understand if he's too busy!

I'm sorry about how bad these pics are, because of how Max blocks its content I had to take photos of my computer rather than screen grabs.

My theory is that the bright green ring Ed wears in Season 2 belonged to Stede and that when Ed destroyed the ship right after Stede left in season 1 Ed found the ring and kept it. I am basing this on nobody wearing it in Season 1, it being way too big for Ed, it being Stede's color, and Ed not getting rid of it when he gets rid of the "poisoned" loot. As you'll see below, Stede's rings are canonically too big for Ed. There is NO reason for Gypsy Taylor to make Taika Waititi wear a ring that doesn't fit unless there was a specific reason for the ring.

Additionally, When Ed gets rid of all the treasure in 2x6 why would he keep the ring if it was part of the plunder? There is no way he'd keep it unless it meant something important to him.

Then Ed throws his leathers overboard but he STILL keeps the green ring. Why would he do that if it was part of what the leathers meant to him?

It HAS to have a different meaning, and I believe that meaning HAS to be Stede.

We all know that Ed kept Stede's black tie after they switched clothes in 1x4. He wears it through most of season 1. He has a history of keeping part of Stede close to him.

You can't see the tie in season 2 until he has decided to drive the ship into the storm, so sometime between when he leaves Izzy with the gun, and when he tells Frenchie to let him steer the boat he put the scarf back on. After he and Stede are reunited we don't see the scarf again until it is placed on Izzy's grave. Why?

I think it's because the crew knew that the scarf belonged to Stede. If Ed had worn it prior to driving into the storm the crew would have definitively known that sweet Ed was still in there. Clearly they knew why Ed was behaving in the way that he was, but I think Ed probably thought he wasn't being so obvious.

He could wear the ring and thus keep Stede close to him because nobody had seen it before and would just assume it was from a plunder, not as a reminder of Stede.

Stede could have given it to Ed before they got separated, I'm assuming if he had we would have seen that. But regardless if Stede gave it to Ed or Ed took it, the fact remains it HAS to be Stedes as far as I'm concerned.

Once Stede and Ed are reunited he doesn't need the scarf anymore. It's too reminiscent of the life he wanted to leave, but the ring symbolizes Stede without the pirate baggage.

_______

These are Ed's rings in season 1. I have watched pretty darn closely and other then when he and Stede change clothes, they remain the same all season. AND THEY FIT HIM.

This is Ed wearing Stede's rings. They are clearly too big for him. All of them are sideways nearly the entire time he wears them.

In 2x1 Ed is suddenly wearing this ring. It's a bright green rectangular stone being held in by 4 prongs. It is NOT seen in season 1. The image below is from the sequence of them going on all the raids and is the only clear pic i could get of the green ring in 2x1.

You can see it a lot more clearly in 2x2.

It also does NOT fit Ed well, just like Stede's other rings from 1x4. He wears is all season except in 2x5 when he doesn't wear any rings. He does wear it in 2x8 I just didn't take a picture. You can see it most clearly when Ed puts his hand up when he is trying to save Izzy.

Ed gets rid of his leathers but keeps the green ring

[khruschevshoe]

OFMD Critique: Bad Faith, Fandom, and Respect

All right. You know what? Screw it. I saw one post I just cannot ignore anymore that encapsulated all of my problems with the fandom right now. Personal rant incoming.

I understand that there's a nuance to the discussion of season 2 of Our Flag Means Death, and that there are people going a little too far with both their critiques and their support of the show. But oh my God, I'm tired of being straw-manned and made fun of for legitimate critiques of the show.

I just used the block button on someone in this fandom for the first time. Some of you might think I'm overreacting for this, but I saw a post that I could not on any level stand. This person, who I will not name names of, because I'd rather just block them and never deal with their level of bad faith again, took their one legitimate criticism of those of us who critique the show, the back and forth on whether or not Izzy's death was homophobic or not, and used it as the first in a literal list of straw man critiques that no one I've read in the OFMD Critical tag has made (and I check it like once a day bc I like reading meta, sorry), proceeding to absolutely make fun of the legitimate critiques that people have of the show, parodying them in the worst possible ways. They took our legitimate critiques about everything from the sexist handling Zheng Yi Sao's character, the absolute ableism of the finale, the questionable optics of the handling of trauma, etc. and stretched them into things that they very much were not (two examples were that we were crying ableism bc of something to do with seagulls and that we thought the problem in the Stede&Zheng dynamic was the "emotional labor" involved).

Now I'm pretty sure this post was a joke. I *think* it was a joke. But how in the world am I supposed to feel comfortable in the main section of a fandom like this when the comments and replies to this post were full of people agreeing sincerely that this is what the critical section of the fandom is like? How am I supposed to feel when I just see people making fun of me for my analysis of the show? I love this show. I adore season 1 and I'm clearly still making fan related content (moodboards) for season 2 along with my critiques.

Sure, I vibe way more with fanfiction than the actual canon at this point, but I still genuinely engage with the show. And to have the critiques that I made in good faith, regarding issues that I sincerely care about such as ableism, sexism, homophobia, and the handling of trauma, made fun of and taken out of context and straw-manned to their extreme, makes me feel so absolutely unwelcome in this fandom.

Other than keeping up with the couple of fan series that I'm currently still reading, I don't know if I can stay in this fandom any longer. I can't say that I'm excited for the new season if this is the kind of response that any good faith critique of the show is going to get. I can't say that I feel safe or comfortable when there are this many people ready to dog pile on me for a critique I made with ACTUAL TEXTUAL EVIDENCE to back it up.

I would like to thank all the people who have been making excellent critiques of the show. Their meta-analysis is what got me into making my own critiques, which I was nervous about making in any other fandom. I don't think I've in any way tagged them all, but just a few I can remember off the top of my head. Go read their critiques/meta- it's really good!

@sky-fire-forever @carrymelikeimcute @blue-b-bro @bougiebutchbinch @treesofgreen @sixstepsaway @alex51324

And from the bottom of my heart, thank you to everyone who has engaged with my mood boards or my critiques or anything else that I've made, as well as the amazing writers and artists in this fandom (such as @ruecrown, @aletterinthenameofsanity, @fool-for-luv, and @possumsmushroom). You guys have kept me going with my love for the show and engaging with it for a while now. Despite the stuff that is making me take a step back now, I really did love this while it lasted! I'm still planning on making a few more mood boards, but other than that, I'm going to take a step back from engaging.

Hope this post can spread enough support/joy your way to counteract the ache I'm currently feeling!

Sincerely,

Ashley (aka @khruschevshoe)

[zombee]

i am now canyon public enemy #1 on Twitter for the Doug obituary. the buzzword of the day is bully, never mind I was screenshotted and swarmed (someone unblocked me to call me "a massive cunt." perhaps we have different definitions of the word bully!) I've also been called unsafe, because i guess writing a fake obituary that is at worst in poor taste is dangerous somehow.

i am so tired of the chokehold the canyon has on this fandom. we have been coddling them since day one. when the proto canyon ruined this character for me in early days, I quietly stopped writing him into my fics. I was careful not to be anti canyon or even izzy on main (BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT THE SAME THING). but after season 2, when dozens and dozens of canyonites came out to berate and harass David? nah. I stopped censoring myself. i still barely say fucking ANYTHING on main, but I don't ignore it anymore. the obituary wasn't even posted on my TL - it was in a reply!

but they still hate me, and do you know why? because after season 2 we weren't allowed to TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH WE LOVED THIS SHOW. because the canyon is such a loud fucking minority they made us feel bad! for loving the show! we all spent a year and a half collectively loving!!! so that's why I made my Hit Television Series Our Flag Means Death posts. I'm a believer in not qualifying your positivity - not, "i don't care what the haters say, I loved it!" just, "i loved it!" which is relevant because once again I was not even alluding to them!!! i was simply expressing joy and optimism about this amazing show.

so now here we are, close to a year of these fucking people dancing on the grave of this precious show, and I make one mean meme and I'm the bully. okay.

but i expect it from them. it's the folks who have been following me and my work for months and years that see one screenshot and say, oh, no. how terrible. what a bully. never mind two and a half years of positivity and seeing the measure of my character through my work, this is it.

and why?? to coddle THE CANYON??

and by the fucking way, if the original obituary was just cringe, if it just said "I'm sad, this isn't fun anymore, I'm out" then that would be fine! but it's NOT! what it actually says is, "David Jenkins et al are homophobic and those of you simpletons who like Ed and Stede are barely queer. the divide in this fandom that we did not cause, because we are the victims, have made things unsafe for us, a group based around liking a fictional character." BE SO FOR REAL!

so cool. i made one shitty meme and then instead of it being passed along in group chats and dms I was screenshotted, vilified, called names. one person said I was "punching down" because as we all know the canyon is an oppressed class. i was also kicked out of a canyon centric group chat for galaxycon Columbus (did NOT know it was when I joined, lol) which I expected. and the mods were genuinely very chill.... except when they tagged me by name and username on the announcement page 🥴 they did edit it, again they were chill, but if you are ostensibly ANTI BULLY AND ANTI DOXXING, perhaps fucking think about that! Jesus!

strictly by the numbers I am one of the biggest writers in this fandom. and I'm unapologetic about loving my work. if there's one thing miserable people hate, it's being popular and not humble enough about it, so I already had a target on my back. and for the ultimate crime of loving the hit television series our flag means death loudly and proudly i might actually have to leave ofmdtwt. I'm sick with it. fuck.

[thessalian]

Thess vs TLOVM S3, Ep 3

Tried some Silent Hill 2, but a bad pain day has overtaken me and I am not up for getting ambushed by Lying Figures two at a time, once in an enclosed space. (Fucking record store.) Not that I didn't survive; it as just not fun when I've been having pain spasms in my left elbow most of the evening.

So instead, I'm going to liveblog TLOVM. I understand from the few spoilers I couldn't really avoid that I'm going to see a variation on one of my favourite scenes. So let's see.

Oooooh Raishan ... I mean, you're not as trustworthy as you want anyone you've been dealing with to believe, but ... say smarter things, Deceiver...

Okay, honey, your only hope is that Vorugal withholds that message he was told to give because he's greedy enough to want your empire. And hope that you can get Keyleth to believe that you're at least not immediately selling them out to Thordak. Otherwise, certain bits of your fate are going to happen a lot sooner.

Grog ... that is an A-B conversation, so C yourself out. Also ... I know people are going to think this is happening too fast, even those who saw the campaign as it happened, but ... what the fuck else are they supposed to do when they didn't have, "The arrows were flirting?" "The arrows were totally flirting"?!?

I guess Scanlan is very much invested in that whole thing he was talking to Kaylie about. If he forgets who he is when the lute goes down, he's going to hold it for as long as possible.

Someone taught Grog the phrase "spill the tea", and he only used about half of it. Typical.

"...perhaps I'll cut down the Sun Tree and build an extravagant canoe." Cassandra, you have recovered from your ordeal so very well.

YOU TELL HIM, CASSANDRA!

Yeah, Percy, "eugh" is right; that's terrible. Just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind that isn't self-recrimination and you will be fine-- Yeah! THAT'S the spirit!

Admittedly? I miss the multiple bottles. Maybe the animators in charge of this weren't up for Taliesin's earlier demand: "I will be expecting labels for all of those".

This is why we all need to be glad that Vex is ... Vex. If she was too much like her brother? This would be the result. Vax, borrow your sister's chutzpah for one night.

Wait. Wut.

"...Right. Shutting up now." So ... we decided on 'after', then. And that thing you said just before you knocked, Percival? Her. Not 'it'. HER.

Ah, so someone on screen has finally figured out the bit about "it doesn't necessarily mean everyone but her gets brutally murdered". Still, take your joys where you can, you idiot.

"So ... joy today isn't worth pain tomorrow--" THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID. THANK YOU, KEYLETH.

Well ... at least one of the Vessar twins is happy. And ... you know ... not a self-sacrificial dipshit.

Well. They had a good time.

"Good talk." BWAHAHAHA!

Well ... this is probably better than being high on magical drugs at important moments? Maybe?

brb - laughing at the dipshits.

I still have to wonder how they got this allowed. I thought Orion Acaba owned the rights to the name Draconia. Then again, he's done shit-all with it since 2019, so ... I dunno, maybe a deal was cut, or something? No one's even made mention of it.

Scanlan ... you bundle up that far and you still leave half your chest exposed?

Dohla... Dohla ... Rachel House. Hrm. Nothing I've seen, but most people would be all about Thor: Ragnarok, Moana, and Our Flag Means Death. Right. Moving on!

Okay, if we have the good ship Perc'halia being dragged in and out of dry dock for the sake of angst when we've already got Vaxleth beached and Scanlan ... you know, having a significant identity crisis that he's not getting help for (partly because he won't let anyone, but that's another thing)? I'm going to slap someone.

Well. Welcome to Hell. Nice place. In a "Night On Bald Mountain With Better Lighting" sort of way.

I ... was going to suggest that they spell it for Grog, but then I remember that they never did the thing where Pike taught him to read, so that'd be basically pointless. I ... don't think there's any way to correct him on that one.

Is it wrong that I'm not trusting Dohla?

Vex, what are you--? Ooooooooh shit. Well, that explains Yenk things.

So ... they're keeping the destruction of Draconia? Because however this come's out, Vorugal's going to tear shit up.

Also ... not trusting Dohla ... for a reason, apparently. This is a really interesting take on how things went in the campaign.

Seeing Allura and Kima fight is impressive.

I'm impressed no one did anything with the "We're edging" line. Then again, Scanlan's currently in Hell, so...

Dohla ... yeah, no, don't shit-talk ancient dragons. They will-- that. Yeah, there goes the story of you.

...I didn't know Fenthras could do that...

I know Kima is going to be okay. I know Kima is going to be okay. I know this entirely too well. It is going to be an object lesson of the "sometimes this shit works out" variety and everybody will be okay. I know this partly because campaign and partly because I need to know this down to my bones to get any sleep tonight.

At least Vex has somewhat more emotional intelligence than her brother-- mostly. Sort of. But at least Percy seems to understand what she's not-saying. And she did at least communicate worth a shit.

(Also that is probably the only way they can actually convey that will-they-won't-they dance of frustrating nonsense they had going during a lot of the campaign while dealing with a shorter-form format like half-hour episodes.)

Well ... that could have been a more painful cliffhanger... But I'm grateful it wasn't because I can't handle more adrenaline tonight.

Right. Winding down time. Hopefully I'll be in better shape tomorrow and the flu vaccine doesn't hit me too hard.

[slycopersicum-in-disguise]

What breaks my heart about being certain that buddie won't go canon in Season 7, is that it means I am also certain 9-1-1 won't get an 8th season.

It's an expensive show, the ratings were getting lower and lower on Fox, and they're going to lose some viewers with the network move. At the end of this season, ABC are going to look at the cold, hard numbers, and it won't make sense to renew 9-1-1.

Because as much as I love the idea of the Madney wedding, and we long-term viewers deserve to see it, no new viewers are going to tune in for a wedding episode for characters they don't know. And they're not going to be motivated by promos showing "Athena solves a crime" or "Buck get injured yet again" or "Eddie has an embarrassing date with a bland girl". They might get interested in one for a very cool looking disaster, but the best disasters have been expensive.

And while I hope the reviewers who used to report on the Fox screeners still get them from ABC, the general media is not going to bother talking about 9-1-1. Because for people who aren't emotionally attached to the characters, it's just yet another first responder show. There is no buzz for the media to respond to.

But Buck and Eddie getting together could get people tuning in. The mainstream media went rabid over Our Flag Means Death when people realised it was an actual love story instead of "normal" queerbaiting. And two very buff, stereotypically straight-looking men kissing right after the show moves networks? The internet would explode, and for once the media would actually follow. They could write think pieces and puff pieces and do interviews. Because it would genuinely be interesting. More so than if they'd gotten together in previous seasons, because of the addition of the network angle.

A Buck and Eddie romance could save 9-1-1. They'd need to follow it up with quality episodes to keep those new viewers who tuned in just because of the media buzz, but at least they'd have a shot.

But kr is the showrunner. So buddie won't happen. And our show is going to end after one more final, lacklustre season. I'm going to miss it.

[a-hundred-jewels]

ptsd made me a hardcore marauders fan for seven months

Ao3

content warning: the following contains discussions of school violence, teen violence, (briefly) domestic violence, mental health issues, depression, and trauma. if any of these are sensitive topics for you, please proceed with caution. in addition, if you feel i've missed a warning, please nicely let me know in the comments.

I don't like Harry Potter. 

Sure, I binge-read the entire series in a bored, undiagnosed-ADHD-induced haze at the age of thirteen, have spent countless hours reading and even writing fanfiction for the series, have followed tumblr tags, listened to playlists, watched youtube videos, and am in the process of very slowly hand-binding myself a copy of A Black Mass Over Highway Ninety, but—

I don't like it, but nevertheless, I was sucked in. 

~

"Some kid overdosed," one of my classmates said. 

"What?" 

"They're clearing the hallways."

Our principal had just come on the loudspeakers to issue a "shelter in place" order, telling us to ignore all bells and stay in our current classroom until he came back on and told us otherwise. I was actually glad, hoping the extra time would allow me to finish my Spanish homework before second period, since I'd spent most of the weekend thinking about the Strictly Come Dancing finals and my King Lear presentation in English class. 

I hardly thought about the order itself—they're extremely common in United State schools, both as drills and as actual occurences. "Shelter in place" originated as a milder verison of going into lockdown where, instead of hiding from a potential shooter, students and teachers must simply not leave the room. In any case, I saw no reason to worry, and set about doing my homework. 

~

In fall of 2022, I started my senior year of high school at the age of seventeen. I was having a rough year—my younger sister's depression was at an all-time high and my mother was recovering from a health scare—but, fandomwise, I was doing great. After all, Our Flag Means Death had come out that spring and I was in love. All I wanted to talk about were the gay pirates, and I even bought myself a "Team Edward" t-shirt with Taika Waititi's face smack in the middle as a "back to school" present. Everything was supposed to get better. 

School sucked, because I went to a big public high school that looked like a prison and had equally-shitty Wifi, my (still undiagnosed) ADHD was worsening, and my grades were getting kind of bad. Even so, for a couple of months, I remained confident that my senior year would be my best one yet.

~

Third period was gym class, meaning I was only about an hour and a half away from the King Lear presentation. Senior year was actually one of the few years where I liked gym, which was awesome. It was just me and six boys, all of whom were nice to me, and our teacher was great. I think we were playing badminton that day, when our principal came on the loudspeakers to say that we were, once again, under a "shelter in place" order. 

We were nonchalant about this, just as we had been in the morning. I cannot stress how desensitized children in the U.S. are to things like this, these days. When my little sister was in elementary school, there was a day when the whole school was put in a "shelter in place" because a man was walking around outside with a bunch of knives. When I was a junior, a boy severely beat up his girlfriend in the school hallway, giving her a concussion and leading to two mass protests. There were violent fights at my town's public schools almost weekly—and all of this is very, very normal. I would go so far as to say that my situation was pretty mild. 

So we sat on the floor and did homework as time crept on, wondering vaguely what was going on, but no moreso than that. Third period ended, and we stayed. It should have been lunch time—we were getting hungry—but there was still no word about the lockdown ending. We stayed. Surely, it could only be another ten minutes or so?

And then, one of my classmates looked up from his phone screen, which was displaying a chat on Discord. 

"Oh my god—someone was stabbed."

~

Before, I get properly started, I'd like to be totally clear: the point of this essay isn't to bash the Harry Potter fandom, not as a whole, and certainly not the sections of it I've been in. I met some incredible people while in my period of rabidly consuming Marauders content, and I don't want to put them down or dishonor the beautiful things they've created with my attitude. I loved my time in the Marauders fandom as much as I could love anything at that point in my life and have nothing but respect for the writers, artists, and tumblrinas who welcomed me into their space. 

All of that being said, I think it's fascinating that I fell into a fandom like this one, particularly when I was doing so badly mentally. My dislike of Harry Potter only increases as I grow, as does my indifference, and, while I understand that's a fairly common sentiment shared among Marauders fans, I also get the impression that nostalgia plays a big part in their participation in the fandom. A Harry Potter- loving, bookworm child grows into a cynical teen, and then into a kind, brilliant adult with a "well, fuck it" attitude towards the world, using their limited free time to take that nostalgia from a childhood book series and write the kind of queer narratives they wish they'd had in adolescence. I could, of course, be wrong, but that's more-or-less how I understood the specific parts of the fandom I was in. (I know pretty much nothing about the tik tok side of the Marauders fandom, so we're just not factoring that in at all). Also, note that I said "adult" before, because the majority of people I interacted with were in their twenties and thirties. Being eighteen at the time and still in highschool, they all seemed at least moderately grown-up and untouchable to me. 

All this to say, once again, that I literally didn't care about Harry Potter until I was almost fourteen and, even then, I only started reading it out of sheer boredom. I have pretty much no nostalgia or happy childhood memories associated with the series—I even skipped large sections of the fourth and seventh books because it irritated me whenever the main characters were fighting with each other. I was, at best, a casual fan. 

There's something comforting, though, about being in such a big fandom, especially when your bad habit of choice is binge-reading smutty fanfiction in order to feel less dead. And, regardless of how I actually felt about Harry Potter , the concrete safety of a completed, unchanging series of books and movies where the author was already widely disliked definitely appealed tome and my less-than-stable life. You don't need to worry about a scandal if they've all already happened and, no matter how hard she tried to on Twitter, Joanne can't actually change the contents of the books. In my world of current fandoms and kind writers and actors all accessible on social media, the fuck-ass Harry Potter fandom was a bit of a refuge. 

So that's why I think it was specifically the Marauders that I got into.

~

I don't actually remember how long we were in that gym. It must have been at least two hours, including the class time beforehand, but I barely remember any of it. I texted my friends, frantically trying to determine that everyone I knew was okay, and I told my parents what was going on. To this day, the thing I am most thankful for is that my sister, who we'll call Tabitha, wasn't there. I don't know what I would have done if she'd been in school that day. The other main thing I remember thinking about was my King Lear presentation, which was supposed to happen right after lunch, and, as the time stretched on, I became more and more worried that I wouldn't get to do it that day. 

Shortly after my classmate saw the Discord messages about the stabbing, a video of the fight was leaked across Snapchat, as well as an image of the wound. We all looked on in horror, including my teacher (who we'll call Mr. Blake). It's objectively horrible to watch footage of a child being stabbed, no matter how grainy the video is, but, so far, we'd received no official information from the school, so this was literally all we had, and it had happened in the same building. Our principal wasn't allowed to make any statements (at least to my understanding) without it going through our superintendant and, for whatever reason, she didn't feel it necessary to get ahead of social media on this. 

I was trapped in a school with thousands of other people, one of whom had just assaulted someone. 

~

The night before my second semester of senior year began, I stayed up past midnight reading Dear Your Holiness by @mollymarymarie fleabag AU where Remus is a priest by day and a local rock musician by night, and Sirius has a popular music magazine. I had also spent much of my winter break listening to a podfic of All The Young Dudes (made it to sixth year) and generally rooting around people's bookmarks and gifts to get out of my head, so it's safe to say that, by the time I got to school in January, my brain was practially deep-fried in this new fandom, and it would only get moreso. 

~

Mr. Blake felt, after an hour or so, that we'd be safer in the boys' locker room. He brought us down through a stairwell I'd never seen before, tucked away in corner of a closet in the gymnasium. I was thrilled by the opportunity to explore and filmed the journey on my phone. It's a weird, haunting video, not just for the grim situation and shadowy rooms, but because I'm so lively behind the camera. We're all fairly upbeat, joking about how big the school is and what things must have been like when it opened. I won't share the video here, as I don't feel like doxing myself, but I did rewatch it in preparation for writing this and it's truly disconcerting to look at the inside of a building I haven't been in for over a year, to hear the voice of a past version of myself and know I'm seeing snapshots of a day that changed me forever. 

All there was to eat in the locker room were these Gatorade protein bars—mine was supposedly cookies and cream flavoured. I still remember the taste, sickly sweet and artificial. On an empty stomach, particularly an overly sensitive autistic one like mine, it was a horrible idea, and I felt sick afterwards, but god, I was so hungry. 

I sent a selfie to my parents and Tabitha, then tried to read fanfiction while listening to one of my classmates talk in what sounded like Hatian Creole with his family on the phone. Boys were constantly being paraded in to use the urinals. The walls were painted concrete blocks, the benches were narrow and hard, and so I sat there. 

~

In February, I spend a weekend binge-reading A Black Mass Over Highway Ninety, which kickstarted an obsession with seventies music and fashion. I read and reread the sex scenes during my final few months of highschool, trying desperately to shut my brain up and keep me from feeling so trapped in my daily life and the school I still attended. I got into the works of @spookymoonie, who was incredibly kind to me, and used to visit and refresh their blog every day to see if they'd (sigh) written more porn. Look, man, it was really good porn. 

On the day of my high school graduation, I got dressed in pants that were too small for me, a shirt that was too big, and a cap and gown that made me look like a walking body bag. I mingled with my friends beforehand, taking pictures with people who I now haven't spoken to in months. The ceremony was long and boring but I'm a sucker for that kind of symbolic stuff, so I kind of liked it. I did say for weeks afterwards, though, that I didn't feel like I'd really graduated until I was cycling home, listening to "Telephone Line" on my tinny iPhone speaker. That was my graduation. 

And I only knew that song from the official Black Mass playlist. 

~

By the time we were finally released from the "shelter in place" and sent for lunch, it had been about three hours since our principal's initial announcement back in third period. There was little fanfare to the whole ordeal, and I don't recall any actual information being given to our parents from the school at this point, either, though I could be misremembering. Our principal simply came on the speakers and told us that the lockdown was up and we were to go for lunch. I had a pre-packaged turkey wrap that day—my mum got them from the store sometimes as a special lunch for me. I'm a vegetarian these days, so I wouldn't eat it regardless, but, even if I weren't, I don't think I could bring myself to eat one of those wraps again, not without remembering. 

We'd only been in lunch for about ten minutes when somebody pulled the fire alarm. I don't know who did it, only that it was a student and there was no fire. I hate the fire alarm for the same reasons I hate all sudden, loud noises, and I was so overwhelmed already that I remember crying as we were paraded out into the parking lots, shivering in the cold, late-December air. I sat on a curb and ate my sandwich, wishing I had left when some of my classmates had, as soon as the "shelter in place" was lifted, or at least that I had my jacket and keys with me so I could get my bike and leave right then. 

The fire drill was over as quickly as it had started and, god, I wish I'd left right then. Just grabbed my shit and got the hell out of there. But, well…my English presentation. 

To anyone with rational mind capabilities, it would be incredibly obvious by now that said English presentation was absolutely not happening. A child had been stabbed, we'd all seen it on video and then been trapped for three hours— King Lear was far from a pressing concern. But I was traumatized and one of my groupmates was leaving the next day, so it felt like an emergency. So long as I was focused on my presentation and the soap opera-like melodrama of the play, I didn't have to think about what was happening around me. 

Anyway, we did nothing English related fourth period, instead sitting in a circle and letting our teacher talk us through how we were feeling. I'm very grateful to her for giving us the space she did to feel our fear and anger without judgement, and I will never forget her telling us that we were to use the teachers' bathrooms for the rest of the day, and if any administrators had a problem with it, they could take things up with her. It might not seem like much, but when the stabbing had occured in a student bathroom, it was really nice for someone to acknowledge that we might be scared. 

Another hour, or so, and the day was over. 

~

I also want to get ahead and make sure I'm not framing my leaving of the Marauders fandom as a particularly good thing, or a good time in my life. I was still depressed and unemployed and, even after I finally got a job in August, I managed to hit several more crushing lows before the end of 2023—I was just reading different fanfiction to cope. At the very least, though, I was reading fic for stuff I was actually a fan of, which is typically a good place to start. 

The feeling reminded me a bit of the one I used to get after I'd finished writing and posting a piece of puppet erotica—just this overwhelming sensation of "Wait, what was that?" It's like post-nut clarity, except clearly not. My time as a Marauders fan feels, in retrospect, like a bastardization, an appropriation. I was not a real fan because I didn't really care—I just needed something safe to numb my pain and confusion. That's why it feels so important to make sure I'm not trying to represent or bash the fandom in any way. It wouldn't be fair, because I wasn't really, genuinely a part of it. 

~

When I finally had cycled home and let myself in the back door, I only remember collapsing. My mum was in the living room and I just stood there, I think. All I really remember is this image of how I think I looked, as though my mind had floated out of my head and taken a photograph. My face is very pale and completely blank, my bag somewhere on the floor next to me, and I'm staring at nothing, the performance of being okay just…evaporating. I know my mum told me she'd been facetiming my grandparents and aunt throughout the day and they were worried as well. 

One thing I often forget about that day is that, barely an hour after coming home, I had a violin lesson over zoom. I assume it must have been a similar situation to the King Lear presentation, where I had to act as normal as possible in order to not completely freak out. I told myself that I couldn't cancel, because then I'd have to pay the fee, but, like. I'm pretty sure he would have made an exception. I remember telling him "oh, by the way, I'm a little out of it because someone got stabbed at school today," and seeing the utterly baffled look on his face. He offered to postpone, and I declined. I was not a very good student that day—I think I'd forgotten what we did in the lesson before the hour was even finished. 

I went downstairs afterward and told my mum everything—I think. Either that or I lay in bed. The next thing I remember is going to school the next day, because I was still clinging to that King Lear presentation. Or maybe it was just because I didn't know what to do with myself? No idea. The next night, I was feeling sick and tested positive for Covid. 

So that was nice. 

~

My high school was never the same after the stabbing. Rules got stricter, a mass of teachers quit or transfered, the classes graduated and moved on, and I truly think something died that day. No matter how bad things were beforehand, there was always this hope I felt—this optimism. Even if I'd been cynical for weeks, all it took to love that shitty old building was an orchestra concert or a school play. It was trash, but it was home. That love didn't come back. 

My love for the Marauders proved to be just as fleeting. I literally woke up one day last July with a craving for this Good Omens/Buzzfeed Unsolved crossover fanfiction (called video appeal by ravel_aorla) and that was the end of my phase. Poof! Avada Kadavra! 

I'm proud to say, though, that I'm doing much better now. I'm writing and editing this in my college dorm room, which I moved into just yesterday. I'm also very into My Chemical Romance now, and am able to share that interest (and a long furby) with one of my best friends, @vriska-serketboard. It's been a year and a half since my high school has darkened the door of my feet and I am worlds better for it. 

Call it instinct as a former GSA leader, but that's how I want to end this. It get's better. I got better, and you can too. 

Thank you.

[sweatsnervously47]

The boyfriends are all broken up :(

TIME TO RATE HOW PROBLEMATIC THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS:

(But only on like how healthy the relationship is)

ALSO SPOILERS MIGHT HAPPEN

_________________________________________________________

Most Problematic

What We do in the Shadows (Guillermo and Nandor)- The most problematic couple. I mean I get it, they have their cute moments, but like every episode I say "poor Guillermo" at least once. Like literally abuse cycle. (But again I am secretly hoping for a redemption arch)

Surprisingly Problematic

Good Omens (Aziraphale and Crowley) - I think you can see where I'm going with this one. Az literally still believes that he is better than Crowley because he is an angel. Everyone keeps shouting "miscommunication" but I think Az communicated quite well that he thought that, despite all the things he's seen and all the stuff he and Crowley have done, that Az is better than Crowley because he is on the side of heaven. If your bf thinks they're better than you (or that you're evil), like intrinsically, its not a healthy relationship.

Surprisingly Less Problematic

Helluva Boss (Blitzo and Stolas)- Now this is case in point miscommunication. Like the problem is that they just need a real convo about their feelings but both are afraid of it. Both worry that the other doesn't care, but both do. The forbidden sin of hell is apparently love (and I LOVE IT). Blitz spends all his time trying to figure out why he is drawn to certain relationships (LOL THEY HAVE LOVE IN THEM. Literally watching Moxxie and Millie and being like "Why do I want what they have? Gotta be a kink")

THEY LOVE EACHOTHER SO MUCH IT HURTS MY HEART

Our flag means death (Steed and Edward)- THEY BOTH LOVE EACHOTHER SO MUCH. BUT STEED WANTED TO MAKE SURE HIS FAMILY IS OKAY. Yes, he should have like left a note or something but he is canonically stupid so like it happens. THEY BOTH WANT TO BE BETTER FOR EACHOTHER AND THINK THAT THE OTHER IS SO COOL AND I LOVE THEM. I am very excited for the next season AND IF THEY DON'T KISS AGAIN I'M GOING TO RIOT!

[r3dblccd]

TAG PEOPLE YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW BETTER!

tagged by: @irrwicht

tagging: @formorethananame, @luneblush, @temporalobjects, @weedzkiller, @r4bidog, @hishedonism, @mxldito, @ovilis, @vienrose, @unavernales, @dozenrozez, @frxgmcnts, @finalsurvivorgrp, @caelcstis, @dcrkfcngs

favorite color(s): Red, purple, but I like all colors

favorite flavor(s): I have a huge sweet tooth, so I'd say chocolate and also fruity flavors like bananas and strawberries.

favorite music: Honestly, I think I can say that I listen mostly everything. I've come to the conclusion that I don't really care about the genre, if I like a song, I like it and that's about it. And that's why my playlist is a mess, especially when I put it on shuffle lmao

favorite movie(s): It's so hard to pick, there are so many good ones! But I recently watched Tokyo Godfathers, that one automatically jumped in my top favourites. I also really liked Grave of Fireflies (even though it's quite a heavy movie), Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, The Handmaiden (let's go lesbians, let's go), Perfect Blue, Everything Everywhere All At Once, The Jigsaw franchise (and honestly, I think the 10th movie might be my favourite), The Fear Street Trilogy, Coraline, What We Do In The Shadows, Train To Busan

Honorable mentions: I think Gremlins is starting to grow on me, especially the second movie because I love that the production team didn't take it all too seriously, I do like when some movies are self-aware how silly they actually are. Also shoutout to The Sadness. Am I ever going to watch that movie ever again? Probably not, it was a very disturbing movie. But this is not your usual zombie movie, if I can even call it a zombie movie, which surprised me? Like, it definitely does have those elements of the apocalyptic zombie genre but turned it completely over its head by making the infected actually aware of the things they're doing but not being able to stop it. Again, it is a disturbing movie, it's not for everybody. I personally don't see myself watching it twice. Plus, finding out that the director has said something like that he wanted to focus more on the "fun and the gore" other than anything else in a Q&A did sound quite sussy to me given the heavy topics and the ways the movie could be interpreted. Idk, as philology and literature major it just keeps getting confirmed to me that most, if not all works of art, no matter in what form, have something to say and they deeply reflect the time in which they were created, and there's always the subjectivity of the viewer who interprets it in their own way (like hell, even the superheroes in movies these days most likely take a whole lot of inspiration from Greek mythology, if you really think about it). Some people have mentioned that the director might have answered the way that he did as to not stir up controversy since it was at a festival, but I can't say for sure, I wasn't there to see the interview myself and this is already getting really long so I will stop now, you can make your own conclusions.

favorite series: Courage the cowardly dog, The Scooby-Doo franchise, Are You Afraid Of The Dark (I'm talking about the 90's series, I haven't watched the 2019 revival). Do I remember anything from them? Kind of, it's been a very long time since I've watched them. I kind of want to rewatch them because of it. But they sparked my interest in all things spooky when I was a kid so I feel like they deserve a place here. Some of my other favourites include: The Untamed, Serial Experiments Lain, Steins;Gate, Semantic Error, Another, My Roommate is a Detective, Wellington Paranormal, What We Do In The Shadows, Hellbound and Sweet Home (I do recommend reading the webtoons of those two, though), Death Parade, The Silent Sea, Color Rush, Squid Game, My Beautiful Man, Good Omens, Our Flag Means Death, Alice on Borderland, My Name, Yellowjackets, Theatre of Darkness: Yamishibai

last song: Ruler Of My Heart by BL8M & Rubyeye & Unknown (Till The End) by AKUGETSU (Alien Stage OSTs) (tw for blood and a bit of gory imagery in the MVs for anyone who wants to check them out). Also can I also just talk about the 1st Anniversary Remixes of those two songs too!!! (here and here, audio only). Just *cheff's kiss*, I love those songs so much, I want to eat them. The story all these animations is quite interesting, the animations themselves are very well done too. How can I describe it. The story kind of takes that deadly game trope (like, let's say in the Hunger Games and Alice in Borderland), but make it about people being forced to be in a singing competition against each other to survive and they are being judged by aliens. From what I know, I could be wrong, the main way of storytelling is through the MVs on the VIVINOS YT channel so it does require a bit to analyze (there is a bit of a additional info on the official website and on the wiki, I'm sure), so if any of that sound interest you, I would recommend checking it out

last series: Choco Milk Shake

last movie: The Cat Returns

currently reading: So Long, And Thank for All The Fish from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books. I'm so happy of how much progress I've done on reading those books compiled in one huge book, I'm halfway through the series now. And honestly I want to read it for as long as I can because I really enjoy it, it's so fun, I love the absurd situation the main characters fall into while the big question of the meaning of life, the Universe and everything looms over them. This would definitely go in one of my top books I've read I'm sure.

And I also have to mention the webtoons that I'm reading because I love them very much too: Hand Jumper, The Blind Prince, Lore Olympus, Zombie X Slasher (I don't know in what kind of direction this one would go, but so far so good!), Everything is Fine, Flawed Almighty, Homesick (I love love LOVE this one! The art style and everything is great), Never Ending Darling (I know that it's gonna end in like 2 days officially once the last episode is available to read for free, but damn, what a ride this was. The concept of this webtoon is terrifying), Omniscient Reader, My S-Class Hunters, ZOMGAN (also quite an interesting and honestly refreshing way of making a story about zombies), Nocturne and The Guy Upstairs

And special highlight to: There Are No Demons. This webtoon? An absolute nightmare fuel. I find it very interesting that the artist Nemo Nullus makes 3D models first and then draws over them. I wasn't so sure how to feel like it when I first saw it, this was the first time I've seen anything like it on webtoon, but I quickly grew to like this art style, the kind of weird realism and uncanny valley really add to the stories. And the stories themselves are very scary because these are things that could actually happen, and have most likely happened in real life too, especially that first story with the stalker. This webtoon has made me feel things no other horror/thriller webtoon has made me feel, I feel like I want to crawl out of my own body when I'm reading it, really.

currently watching: Nothing in particular, just random YT videos. I do have some shows to catch up on that I already mentioned here.

currently working on: Mostly focusing on studying a bit more for my exam on monday. But once I'm done I'll be back to doing more stuff here, hopefully ❤️

[ebonysplendor]

Parasite in Love Review 🦠

TL;DR: You're pretty much in a toxic, nonconsensual relationship with an even more toxic amoeba. Yes, an amoeba. That's it. That's the game

Game Link: https://night-asob u.itch.io/parasite-in-love

Notable Features: She/Her/Hers MC, Named MC, Yandere LI, partial voice acting Spiciness: 0/5 -- No explicit content LI Red Flags: 2/5 -- lack of consent, a lil hands on...but from the inside...?

Want to know more? Well, let's get into it!

Let me just start off by saying... I genuinely thought this game was going to be wack lol. Like, no lie.

First off, from the synopsis I had read on the page, I initially thought that it was going to be more of the hallucinations that we were experiencing versus the parasite itself.

That being said, when I booted up the game...it was mad boring. I'm not even gonna lie to y'all, I was 2 seconds from clicking that ish out and moving on to another visual novel that I had saved to play later; however, I was like "Well, it just started. Let me give it a fair chance because this is clearly only the intro" because let's be real for a second. An intro is kind've hard to write without making it so plain that the person playing just loses interest nor making it so that shit just starts popping off out of seemingly no where. So, with that in consideration, I pushed through. I got through the first, like, day and 3/4 of the second day. THAT'S when things started getting a little more interesting, and I was like "Okay! Here we go!". After that, it was pleasantly interesting!

It definitely had a slow start with all the "I did this, then I did this, and then after that I did this" blah, blah, blah, but once it truly started? Oh, it was on. With that, I think I've rambled enough about my personal experience. Let's talk about the game (with as little spoilers as possible, as always)

So, boom, we're -- well, actually Marlowe -- is taking a vacay by...going in the wilderness.

No shade, no tea to you if this is your style of vacationing. I support, but no way in hell am I partaking. Ain't no way I'm going to get away from indoor struggles by experiencing outdoor struggles, like nu uh. Then again, Marlowe isn't exactly out here roughing it. She has this really nice cabin that she rented out, and she's going to chill the week there.

Even though this is a horror themed game, she actually has pretty solid reception out here, so we're good! We can call for help should we need it, right? ...Right?

Anyways, she goes to take a swim in this lake, and I honestly get why she did that...but why did she do that? Literally the intro to the game was a news story on this brain-eating bacteria that resides in -- you guessed it -- freshwater lakes.

What did we just take a swim in? A freshwater lake. Lol you already know where this is headed.

Okay, now that I'm actually trying to type this out, I don't really know how to present this story without spoiling it, but I'm going to try my damnedest, so bear with me.

So, without spoiling it too much, basically what ends up happening is that Marlowe gets really sick, and the friendly neighborhood germ, who's actually a lil toxic sumbetch, falls in love with her.

...

I know, I know, I said the same thing lol. We -- and by we, I mean Marlowe -- got sick, and the brain-eating bacteria that I mentioned earlier has fallen in love with us. But hear me out! It actually gets super interesting from here, so stay with me!

From this point, it's this odd tug-o-war game of survival. We're trying to survive it, and it is essentially trying to survive us from trying to kill it. To it -- this amoeba that named himself Niall and goes by he/him/his pronouns -- Marlowe isn't a host, but a spouse, and it's trying to build this family with her from inside her. For him, her survival means his death, and for Marlowe, it's the literal opposite.

By the way, this is Niall. Our...husband.

Anyways

During this tug-o-war game, Marlowe gets a little feisty with Niall, and Niall literally keeps her in check without physically touching her. Remember, Niall is a literal brain-eating bacteria. He's very real, but he isn't a person like she's hallucinating -- he's a disease. He's a disease that's making her ill, and he makes her symptoms worse whenever he gets pissed at her. Holy. Shit. Now, that's a crazy concept.

In an attempt to not ruin more than I may already have, I'll just say at this point, it's either him or Marlowe. As with a majority of visual novels, how this ends is completely up to the choices you make.

Like always, I'm not gonna lie to y'all. This game was significantly better than what I was initially expecting.

Like I mentioned before, the beginning was just really mundane to me, and I thought it was going to be the same scenario as another game I'm planning on writing a review about, but thankfully, it did not continue in that manner. Now that I've completed the game, it reads more like a "Everything was going great until it wasn't" type of thing, and it wasn't as "boring" as I initially thought. Still boring, but not "I wish this coworker would stop talking to me about this thing I don't care about" boring.

Now, that what I didn't care for is out of the way, let's talk about what I did care for: the concept of the story.

I could go on and on about how absolutely GENIUS I thought the concept of this VN was. Admittedly, if I did that, this review would turn out way longer than I'd want, and it'd seem like rambling. That being said, I'll just say this: By far, out of all the VNs that I've read so far (and admittedly, I'm relatively new to all of this, but hear me out), this has been the most original and the most interesting one as far as the concept that was chosen, not to mention it was executed well.

During this VN, I actually got a "...Okay, this is actually terrifying if you think about it" feeling. Not to mention, the take of "We're the same but different" premise. Like, Marlowe and Niall wanted the same exact thing as far as lifestyle but from different aspects. Hers was more of a life milestone or value that she had, and his was for the sheer aspect of survival. That was what made him cling to her the way that he had. It wasn't even about her looks or from the typical "You were the only person that was ever nice to me" trope, but a "You have the same will to survive like I do". Like damn. Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn! A deadly bacteria falls in love with you because he sees similarities in the two of you and is under the impression that you understand and consent to what he's doing. That is such an insane concept, and damn do I want to talk about it more, but I won't because I'll start rambling it and ruin it.

Overall, I'd recommend giving this game a go! Honestly, to me, it's not the most interesting reading-wise, but if you stick with it for the concept, it's a pretty solid read! Not to mention there's some partial voice acting which is super cool! Be sure to leave your comments on the dev's page if you feel like they're doing a good job, and you want to give them that extra reassurance. Like mentioned at the top, here is the link to the game if you'd like to try it out yourself! I definitely think that you should if you want to experience something different from the norm.

Anyways! That's all from me! Drink water, don't be dumb, and hope to see you around! Until next time~!

Parasite in Love Game Link and Page

[ferventrabbit]

Ao3 Fics

Hello hello! I thought I'd pin a post of my works on Ao3 :-). Here are the pairings I write:

Hannibal: Hannibal/Will Good Omens: Aziraphale/Crowley Interview with the Vampire: Lestat/Louis Our Flag Means Death: Ed/Stede Red White and Royal Blue: Alex/Henry

Fic Key

🎨 Art Available

🤝 Collaboration

🎙️ Podfic Available

Series

🐭 Hannibal: Disney for Cannibals

🏡 Our Flag Means Death: Tales from a Seaside Inn

✨ Our Flag Means Death: Written in the Stars

Completed longer works (>5k)

Hannibal

🐭 Tale as Old As Time (M): "I would consider very carefully before moving any further, Will," says Hannibal. Will can feel the mirth dancing in time with Molly's pulse. "What am I considering?" A great perhaps," he says. If he could learn to love another, the spell would be broken. But who could ever learn to love a beast? (24.7k)

Our Flag Means Death

🎨 Ariadne with art by @babykittenteach (E): While out thrifting for furniture and decorations for the inn, Ed comes across a painting that leads him on a journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance. (17.3k)

Down to Fall (E): Stede decides he wants to expand their repertoire, so to speak. Like all things worth having, it's worth working for. (5.9K)

High Point (T): Documentary videographer Ed Teach retired at the top of his game five years ago. An odd request from documentary producer Stede Bonnet has lured him back into the field to join a film crew in the mountains of India. Ed and Stede are looking for a snow leopard, but end up finding something unexpected along the way. (9.6k)

🏡 Old Friends (T): The crew of the Revenge pay the innkeepers a visit. (6.7k)

🎨🎙️ One Day You'll Awaken (T): A sea witch gives Edward Teach a gift - Blackbeard, a shadow, a sentinel - to keep him safe and strong. Her condition? He must keep Blackbeard close, or she will make sure he sleeps soundly forever. Stede Bonnet threatens to ruin her plans. (32.6k)

🎨🤝🎙️✨Paint the Sky with @shieldmaidenofmithrilhall (T): It’s been a month since Ed and Stede met on the top of a mountain during a solar eclipse. Ed’s supposed to meet the kids for the first time this Friday, but a new solar event, the impending aurora borealis, upends their well-laid plans. (8.5k)

🎨 Shore Thing with art by @tresdem (E): Stede books a room at The Queen Anne B&B in Cape May, run by mysterious proprietor Blackbeard. His life is about to change again in ways he could never have expected. (36.9k)

Red White and Royal Blue

Once in a Century (E): After the kiss everything goes to utter and complete shit. OR COVID-19 interferes with best laid plans. (23.7k)

Completed one-shots (<5k)

Hannibal

A Terror Quiet Calm (E): Will makes up his mind during Mizumono, when things could have ended differently. A Mizumono fix-it. (1.2k)

Conversion (T): The woodsman notices a presence in the wilderness. A giver of gifts. (2.5k)

Hot Stuff, or The night Hannibal realized he was well and truly whipped (T): Hannibal wakes up to find Will is missing. His search leads to some surprising discoveries. (2.1k)

Into the Dark (G): "In the dark Will looked like a shadow. Hannibal felt the soft sound of Will’s breathing on his skin, tasted it in his throat." Prepare for super creepy times! (1.3k)

Raindrop Prelude (T): Will and Hannibal, on a boat, feeling feels. (1K)

🐭 Poor Unfortunate Soul (M): Will would sell his soul to be rid of the nightmares that plague him. Or, at least, his voice. (4.9k)

Surge (E): "He remembers that look in the kitchen, tries to place it. He’d seen flashes of it in Baltimore: the night of Clark Ingram’s arrest and maybe even the first time they met, glimpsed from the corner of Will’s eye. Then in Italy, seated together at the feet of spring. He doesn’t think about the cliff – can’t, or else his lungs tighten and he feels like he can’t breathe, like he might be dying." (2.3k)

The Tide (M): Based on this prompt: I can’t shake this idea: Hannibal and Will being intimate for the first time and being utterly overwhelmed by it. (1.5k)

🐭 Trust in Me (G): Will is lost in the jungle. He finds refuge in a familiar place. (2.1k)

Until (M): Will is desperate for an end. Hannibal will fight him every step of the way. (1.8k)

Interview with the Vampire

Room for One More (E): Baby Vampire's First Night In. or: Louis is feeling some type of way about sleeping in a coffin, but after some finagling he and Lestat finally get it right. (2.3k)

Good Omens

Hush (M): Aziraphale has returned from heaven, but there are things still left unsaid. Crowley has finally had enough. (2.1k)

Our Flag Means Death

A record of the kingly duties of Maximilian, cat about town (T): Maximilian may be a new cat on the island, but it looks like he'll need to teach these clueless human innkeepers a thing or two. This fic is a remix of "Leave a Mark" by dance_across. (1.8k)

🎙️ Anchor (E): Ed assures Stede that their first time was not a mistake, which Stede desperately needs (AND DESERVES) to hear. (1.7k)

🤝 Canvas(s): Not just for sails anymore with @the-widow-olivia (T): Stede is newly divorced and ready to turn over a new leaf. Ed is trying to escape the monotony of his day-to-day life. Sparks fly when they are paired up at a "Get Out The Vote!" event. (6.4k)

Captain's Quarters (G): Ed and Stede platonically share a bed and feel feelings, like pirates do. (2.3k)

Daylight (E): Ed doesn't know what to do with himself when Stede comes back, until he does. (2.1k)

🏡 Filled (E): Stede thinks about what it would be like if he could carry Ed’s child, which leads where all roads lead during Bottom Stede Week. (3.6k)

🏡 Filled Out (E): Ed tries to figure out how he feels about his body post-piracy. A post-season 2 inn fic. (1.6k)

🎙️ The Finer Points (G): Stede expands his fancy pants curriculum to include a simple waltz. (1.9k)

🏡 First Night (E): Truly just an entire fic of Ed and Stede making out in this shitty house. A post-season 2 inn fic. (2.1k)

Five Kisses (E): A chronicle of five important kisses on the good ship Blackbonnet. (2.3k)

🎨🤝🎙️✨ Forever's Gonna Start Tonight with @shieldmaidenofmithrilhall (G): As the total solar eclipse approaches, two strangers meet at the top of a mountain, one with a telescope and one with a picnic basket full of eclipse treats. (5k)

Holdover (E): A PWP in which Stede wears a nightie for one reason and one reason only. (3.5k)

I Feel Pretty (E): Stede engaging in body worship of Ed, his preferred occupation. (1.4k)

Interlude (E): A PWP missing scene from 2x08 because BOYFRIENDS. (1.7k)

Leather and Silk (E): A PWP based on the “leather and silk” bts we received from Samba 🙏. (1.6k)

Midnight on the Revenge (G): Literally just a smol fic about Stede holding Ed until he falls asleep because I need that, okay? (1k)

🤝 Milkmaid with @dracothelizard (E): Stede remembers the little song he and Ed sang at the floating market, and Ed decides it’s as good a day as any to show Stede the true meaning of “all things milk.” (4.6k)

🤝 Perfectly Ordinary Tuesday with @petrichorca (M): Dave just wanted a place to sleep for the night, but he gets a lot more than he bargained for when the owners of a seaside inn make him an unwitting participant in their wedding. Will he make it through the ceremony unscathed? And what’s that seagull doing here? (4.9k)

Pinned (E): Ed has been thinking about Calypso's Birthday since they arrived at the inn, specifically about Stede shoving him up against a wall - the strength of his arms, the look in his eyes. Maybe it's finally time to ask for a repeat performance. (2.5k)

🎙️ Reset (E): Ed notices Stede looking at him more than usual, leaving them both a bit hot and bothered. He proposes a failsafe plan to give them both a reset. What could go wrong? Set sometime between 2x05 and 2x06. (5k)

🤝 🎙️ Row Your Boat with @petrichorca (T): A missing scene following the events of season 2, episode 4, “Fun and Games.” Ed’s agreed to come back to the Revenge with Stede for the night, but they’ve got two dinghies to row back to the ship—will the distance between them linger? (3.3k)

🎙️ Skintight (E): Ed wears a set of lingerie that he's kept in the back of his closet before now. Stede does what anyone would do after seeing Ed in lingerie, bless him. (3.7k)

🏡 Soft Open (T): Ed and Stede start sprucing up their inn and welcome Mary and Doug for a soft open. (3.3k)

Storm (G): Stede helps Ed through his grief in the season 2 finale. (1k)

🎙️ Taking it Slow (E): As requested, Stede takes it slow. (2k)

🎙️ That Ship Has Sailed (E): My interpretation of what happened after Calypso's birthday. (2.1k)

The Lube That Fell to Earth (E): A fic in honor of the Astroglide lube-along, in which Ed and Stede are in receipt of a gift from outer space. (4.1k)

🏡 Threshold (T): Ed and Stede take turns carrying each other over the threshold of the inn. Eventually, they cross it together. (2.6k)

🏡 Tucked In (E): Discussion of first times and new discoveries under the Wee John blanket. A post-season 2 inn fic. (2.7k)

Wanted (T): The fuckery after their inevitable discovery at the inn, and what it means for Ed. Written for the #13DaysofCrimesmas! (2.7k)

Wide Awake (M): Five times Stede wakes Ed up, and one time Ed returns the favor. Set throughout seasons 1 and 2. (2.2k)

Works for Spiders, Works for Men (G): Stede rescues Ed from a formidable eight-legged foe. (575)

Works in progress

Good Omens

The Second Coming and Other Heavenly Tales (T): Aziraphale is the new Supreme Archangel of Heaven, and he's made a huge mistake. As Aziraphale navigates a tricky heavenly web, Crowley tries to find a way forward - is there one? - while being periodically interrupted by wishful Bentley songs and transmissions from Alpha Centurai. Can the ineffable duo save Earth from "Plan C?" Will the ducks in St. James' park ever get the good bread again? Join my headcanon for season 3 to find out! (16.5k, 15/20)

[pocket-lin]

hii <3

4, 11, 16 and 19 for the fandom asks??

(almost just wrote a plea for you to answer all of them but managed to restrain myself😅)

hi hi hi!! thank you for asking me these, this is so much fun!! reading back on these answers after I've written them is shocking because I really can just go on and on about stuff, huh? I really don't talk that much irl so I didn't know I had all this in me hahaha I'm so sorry!! I'm actually so embarrassed 😅 I'm gonna put the answer to 11 in a separate post so I can actually attach the picture I'm proud of!

4. say something nice about a ship you don't ship (it can be another ship in your fandom, a mutual's OTP, etc)

the one ship that's jumping out to me is dramione. I am a huge hater of this ship (sorry sorry sorry if you're reading this and it's your thing I love you and support you!!!) but you guys make some really cool shit and I'm happy you have a community you can share it with!! I've poked around in the ao3 and tumblr tags and its absolutely not for me, but there's some really beautiful and horny stuff out there for this ship and I so genuinely love that for all of you!

16. a tiny detail in canon that you want more people to appreciate

if I'm being totally honest with you, I haven't interfaced with the harry potter canon in a very long time. i already own all the movies and books and stuff, so I wouldn't even be giving jk money by rewatching/reading them, but it just kind of makes my stomach hurt when I think about supporting her in some way. I've had to work through a lot of complicated feelings in regards to jk and harry potter in general, as I'm sure many people have had to do! her words and actions and how I feel about it are not complicated at all, but what to do in the aftermath of it was something I had to figure out. I mean, I have a hp tattoo on my ankle!! my pinned post is about this specifically, but where I've ultimately landed on it all is this: I don't want to let her steal any more joy from me than she already has. there are so many queer and trans people in this fandom creating such incredible stuff, and I just don't want to lose that! I got off on a whole tangent here and definitely have a lot more I could say on the topic, BUT all this to say, I can't really think of tiny hp details anymore!! and in this specific fandom, I'm totally okay with that!

19. your current fandom(s)

the fandom that I interact with the most is definitely harry potter, but I have a bunch of other stuff I'm super into!!

the whole reason I got back into any fandom–and the entire reason I logged back into Tumblr for the first time since 2018–was because of our flag means death!! I've loved rhys darby since flight of the conchords and was so pumped that he was a lead in an hbo show! I was totally shocked when ofmd turned out to not be queerbait!! something about that first season just flipped a switch in me and I looked for fan fiction for the first time in like, 10 years!! I actually didn't even know about ao3 and tried to go to ff.net and it was a whole thing. getting back into fandom was very intimidating, I'm not gonna lie. (wow I really could just talk forever huh?)

my other fandoms are: the sandman, the witcher, good omens (I was so late to that show but jumped on right before the second season completely on accident), check please!, disco elysium, red dead redemption (especial rdr2), the x files, the walking dead, the rivers of london series, and d&d: honor among thieves.

and then there's some stuff that I don't even know how I got into!! like, the spideypool ship. gang, I've barely seen any marvel movies, I haven't read very many marvel comic books. and I honestly don't plan it because I just don't like marvel (once again, could go on about this forever, I was a manager at my local comic shop and have many opinions). but someone I follow posted about a fic (and I am not immune to beautiful fan art) and then I fell down the rabbit hole!! def have recs if anyone is interested!

another one is the ted lasso fandom. I genuinely don't remember why we never finished watching the second season but then the reviews for the third season was kinda mixed so I never went back to it. and then I saw a writer I'm head over heels for had a ted lasso fic (other lives by @andthepeople) and WHOOPS I fell down another rabbit hole!! i also have ted lasso recs!

essentially, if ya boy's read/watched/listened to something, you know he's gonna go look at what the freaks (affectionate) are posting on ao3.