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x0401x · 9 months ago

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The saga continues.

So it's been a year since the anime ended, and a little bit more than that has passed since I got these asks. As you guys know, I always reply to messages, no matter how long it takes. And I really needed time to reply to these. I don't even mean just because I'm living alone in Tokyo and have to juggle grad school, part-time job, my actual job and doing all the housework by myself, plus occasional fun immigrant paperwork things. I mean all of this and the fact that I had to go out and actually do research for a lot of things regarding volume 3, in order to confirm the conclusions I took reading it. I also went to Japanese Twitter to see people's analysis of this volume and of the previous volumes, especially MasaMina, because this book is one of the most complex novels I've ever read. The amount of hidden meaning in EVERYTHING is no fucking joke. And as I wrote, I just kept finding more of it. I remember saying way back when S1 was airing that Tsurune had many, many layers. This volume, however, had infinite layers. Again, no joke.

I feel like what has transpired in this book is what Ayano Kotoko actually wanted to do from the very beginning, but there was no guarantee of whether the series would be successful enough to get a continuation, so she had to hold back at first, and then she dumped into volume 3 all that she hadn't been able to include in volumes 1 and 2. It's honestly no surprise that this one was so convoluted. It made me start to think that series should've been a seinen manga instead. So yeah, there was a lot that I had to check while writing this actual essay. Because yes, that's just how gigantic it turned out to be. 20 pages on Word. Even I was surprised when I finished it. Scratch that, I was terrified.

I have to say that I feel utterly insane for making this post. I know that a lot of you guys are aware of how difficult life has been for me over here, how I haven't been able to stay consistently active online in the past two years. I also know that the fandom is dead as hell right now in the overseas side. I'm sure nobody would've minded if I had never finished writing this thing, but I wanted to. More like I wouldn't be able to rest easy unless I did it. I feel like I needed to have the hidden things, theories and interpretations of what happened in this volume written down all in one place, even if we never get any more volumes. Kind of like a reference book so that people can look back on it whenever they need to remember what is what.

I have noted that most novel readers on both the Japanese and the overseas sides of the fandom have either gravely misunderstood this volume or didn't really get much of it. No surprise here, because, I have said this six years ago and I will say it again: although Tsurune is an amazing novel, it's not well-written. Especially volume 3. So this is an attempt to explain what transpired in it, at least on the MasaMina side of things, which is what you guys have requested. That's about 2/3 of the book anyways, lol.

Warning for insanely long post under the cut.

Before I begin, by all means, guys, share this post with anyone you know who also has questions or things they didn't understand about volume 3. Chances are you will find the explanations for them here. If you don't, then don't hesitate to hit me up, because for now, I'll have more free time to answer asks.

Anyway, here's the much-requested continuation of the Tsurune Bible, one year in the making (which now even has its own tag, just to make things easier for you guys and myself, lmao).

This volume already starts out serving MasaMina from the cover. It’s just so cute that Masaki has been slowly approaching Minato in each cover until they’re finally side by side, lol. Gotta love that Minato’s yugake and underglove look like a hand on top of another in the back cover. Good symbolism, good food.

In this volume, Masaki and Minato’s first interaction is kinda like volume 2, where Masaki amuses himself with shit Minato says. The boys are fucking around with Minato, having told the kouhai that touching his forehead brings luck and proceeding to come up with different versions of the rumor, in all of which some part of Minato’s body brings good fortune. Masaki says it’s actually Minato’s feet that they have to rub, and tells Minato to “get his legs out”. Yes, this is the mandatory old man joke, because Masaki just has to tell at least one in every volume, and it has to involve Minato. Minato asks him to cut it out, saying that he’s neither Pindola nor Billiken, which reminds me of an interaction from volume 1, where Masaki beckons Minato into the dojo like he’s a small animal, prompting Minato to assert that he’s neither a dog nor a cat. Masaki breaks into giggles and contemplates patting Minato’s head like usual, but doesn’t do it. We readers know that this novel always comes full circle later on, and this interaction is no exception.

The initial portrayal of MasaMina in this volume immediately turns angsty despite this wholesome moment, because Minato is actually having a hard time dealing with Masaki avoiding him lately. The yearning and obsession with Masaki’s eyes has reached a new level in this volume, if that was even possible. Masaki has been consciously dodging Minato’s eyes, and this upsets Minato to a point where he starts doing the same to Masaki, because finding Masaki’s gaze only to have it turn away from him is too much for Minato to handle. And unbeknownst to Minato, Masaki doesn’t really want to be doing this, but he has to, and he also feels bad when Minato avoids him.

Following this bullshit is a hint that I’m sure most people missed, and I would’ve missed it too if someone hadn’t pointed it out on Twitter. This novel, as we’re painfully aware, is full of galaxy brain shit, especially when it comes to MasaMina. But this volume goes so fucking overboard. Around page 66, there’s a joke about Seiya mothering Minato, because that’s also mandatory, but the joke isn’t like the previous volumes. “Seiya home security, protecting you 24 hours a day 365 days a year”. 365 days a year, meaning leap years are not included. If the year has 366 days, Seiya won’t be able to protect Minato for one day.

No, the OP wasn’t reading too much into it, I promise. Stick with me here, y'all.

I know that the anime might have confused everyone as to which year Tsurune is supposed to be set in, as the second season implies it's set in 2023. However, the novel begins from the year 2016, its year of publication. That means Minato was born in the year 2000 and that the accident that killed his mother happened in 2012, both of which are leap years. He also had his first proper meeting with Masaki in 2016, yet another leap year. So basically, Minato's most life-changing events happen in leap years.

Apparently, same goes for Masaki. He had to change his name in his last year of high school, and in that same year, he got target panic and his master forsake him. The following year, 2012, was when he received the death certificate of his brother and became estranged from his grandfather. That was on his birthday, so it was summer. The novel doesn’t mention in which season the accident with Minato and his mother happened, but according to the anime, it was in summer. Both events definitely did not happen on the same day, ‘cause if Minato’s mom’s death was on the same day as Masaki’s birthday, this would’ve already been mentioned at some point. But they happened within a short time gap from one another, that’s for sure.

Soulmates just be synchronizing like that. It’s been going on since volume 1, where they’re so obviously mirrors of each other that literally everyone can see it. Not to mention that really bad things and really good things happen to them alternately, in a way that they always come off as even in the end. The scars, losing members of their families to tragedy, target panic, “I now understand where my master was coming from” moments, near-death experiences related to car accidents, sixth sense, a keen connection to gods and the supernatural, get along well with nature and now, as established in this volume, allergy to poison/venom. I say poison because ginkgo fruits and seeds are actually poisonous on main, but most people can handle eating them if it’s in small amounts. Minato can’t, though. As for giant hornet venom, it usually doesn’t go as far as killing people, but Masaki must've nearly died from it, or else he wouldn’t carry an antidote with him. All volumes are adamant about Masaki and Minato being mystic creatures living amongst men, who find comfort in the natural and spiritual worlds, and who are pure not just in mind but also body.

Let’s not forget that just like Minato, Masaki also has someone who acts like a guardian around him. Ren, who wanted to protect Masaki from his issues with his grandfather, but failed at it. Who wished Masaki would quit archery for his own good, only to watch him go back to it because Minato happened. Who watched Masaki almost die saving Minato’s life and God knows if he really meant what he said when assuring Minato that it wasn't his fault. Who messes around with Minato to no end, and maybe he does it partly to take out his frustration with Minato's existence on Minato himself. Who is always the one to reveal the dark parts of Masaki’s past and how Masaki isn't a normal person. Who called Minato a marebito. Seiya probably has a similar sentiment regarding Masaki. “Maybe it would’ve been better for you not to have met him,” is what both he and Ren implied at first. But turns out neither Minato nor Masaki would be where they are without meeting each other, as confirmed way back in the last tournament of volume 1. Bad things have always happened to them, but they can overcome them thanks to their karmic connection to each other, be it direct or indirectly.

Ayano just loves this bound by fate trope and takes it to extremes. No news spotted.

Back to the dog and cat thing, the next MasaMina hint we get is actually in a scene where Masaki doesn’t show up—the one where Minato tells his teammates that he feels like he’s being watched lately. Obviously, Masaki is the one watching him when he's not looking. He just doesn't realize that because he's also incidentally avoiding Masaki.

A little later into that scene, he has The Talk with Nanao about Masaki not looking him in the eye lately. This part is ridiculously funny for so many reasons. Firstly because it bothered Minato so much literally everyone could tell. Because of course it would. Not getting his daily dose of Masaki’s undivided attention is torture for this poor little bastard. Secondly, the suggestive way that Minato talks about anything concerning Masaki is just too much. Ayano doesn’t even try to hide that Minato’s wording gives people the wrong idea—Nanao immediately assumes he's having love troubles, because of course that’s what it sounds like.

When Minato says that’s not really it, Nanao resorts to calling the individual in question “the person Minato is interested in”, which… still makes it sound like it’s love troubles, lmfao. And it's a deliberate word choice, because when Minato denies that it’s love, Nanao prefaces his next sentence with a “hmmm”, as if he doesn’t believe it for a single second. Maybe this doesn’t translate well into languages other than Japanese, but it’s the sound that people make when they don’t really believe what they’re hearing. Kind of a “you sure, buddy?” expression. Then again, Minato isn’t lying. I have said it time and time again, but this isn’t a BL novel, yet the author loves her ships and would totally make them canon if she could. Therefore, her approach is to make it so that the characters’ feelings for each other can be taken as both platonic and romantic, with neither canceling the other.

In Minato’s case, he does love Masaki. The whole series makes it clear enough. However, that love can manifest as anything. As in, it’s a platonic relationship on main, but if there were a window for it to turn into a romantic one, I honestly doubt he’d turn it down. Because there was one later in this volume, and he didn’t. Ultimately, Minato seems to be in love, but as it is posteriorly revealed, he’s happy just being by Masaki’s side. Therefore, he doesn’t see Masaki as a possible target for romance—actually, this volume suggests that he has to make a conscious effort not to see him as such. So when Minato denies to be talking about love, he means it, because he isn’t trying to pursue Masaki. But that, again, is a deliberate word choice from the author. He denies to be talking about love, but he never denies being in love. Nanao’s reaction is also deliberate, and surely he knows exactly who Minato is talking about. Or else, his reaction wouldn’t make sense.

And then comes something that just shook me to the core when reading this scene for the first time. They hear the cry of a varied tit. In Japanese culture, the varied tit is known as a tricky bird, lmao. This, too, is deliberate. Even because it’s not the first time that a bird is used to represent what’s going on in a scene. In volume 1, when Minato is riding his bicycle and ends up at the Yata Shrine, he’s guided there by a grey wagtail. In Japanese, the name of this bird is “kisekirei”, which can be read as “spirit of miracles”. Someone on Japanese Twitter pointed out that the grey wagtail is said to be a herald of love (as in romantic love, exclusively) in Japanese culture. Again, Minato denies to be talking about love, but narrative devices come in to suggest that he is in love, regardless.

Nanao is one of these narrative devices. He’s presented as being in the same situation as Minato in this scene, essentially saying the same things as him. When he says he isn’t too bothered at being dropped as a regular and that all he wants is to be around Kaito, he means it, but that's not entirely true. It’s revealed afterward that he actually was frustrated. He fights hard to be placed as regular again, and Kaito is the one to give him motivation for it. Like Minato, Nanao wasn't lying. It's just that, at this point in the story, he hadn’t yet realized how he truly felt.

And all that shoujo jazz.

Hilariously enough, much like Nanao didn’t seem to believe Minato, Minato also doesn’t seem to believe what Nanao says. He translates Nanao’s thoughts like he’s reading Nanao’s mind (“I want you to be by my side”), because that’s exactly how he feels too, about Masaki. But again, although just being around Kaito is what he wants now, Nanao starts wanting more later. Then what about Minato? Does he start wanting more along the way as well? Ayano flings that information at us and tells us to make of it what we will, but the text throws a big “yes” at our faces later on.

Following this comes the infamous “don’t look at me like that” scene, where Minato is trying to talk to Masaki and Masaki insists on leaving it for after the training camp. The way that Minato just comes at him with a question worded in the most painful manner possible is fucking delightful. Masaki had the whole trauma with being ignored by his master in the past, so when Minato asks if he’s so bad a disciple that it warrants Masaki ignoring him, that’s probably the worst thing he’s heard so far as a coach.

Similarly, when Masaki tells Minato, “I’m really sorry, but please don’t look at me with those eyes”, that’s probably the worst thing he’s heard from him. At least I can’t recall anything else Masaki has said that brought him to the verge of tears like that. But turns out it’s the opposite of what he thinks: Masaki is avoiding him because it’s so obvious that he’s The Favorite TM that everyone else is getting jealous. And then the whole thing just transforms into double-entendre, because it’s also mandatory for these dumbasses to have at least one conversation that makes them sound like a couple in every volume.

“You too, Minato—you wouldn’t react when I waved at you.”

“That’s ‘cause I thought you didn’t want to look me in the eye.”

“It’s not like I don’t want to, but it puts me in a spot sometimes.”

“What do you mean ‘in a spot’? Just spill it out.”

“There are times when I also really wanna stroke that forehead of yours, but I can’t let anyone see us like that now, can I?”

“Wha… Wha… What’s up with that?”

That's fucking clownery, Ayano. Low blow, Ayano.

No, but, seriously. How does this woman come up with such out-of-pocket shit like this? It’s better than any romantic comedy I’ve ever come across in my life. Minato completely misunderstanding and assuming the worst when the truth is that his master is actually looking after him is no news in this series. It has happened in the previous volumes as well and it's one of the staples of their relationship, but it’s also so chick flick-like it drives me nuts. The whole “you were actually being showered with care and kindness in the only way he could give it to you at that moment” thing is delicious. And so is Minato’s realization that Masaki is feeling just as bad as Minato for having to distance himself. That he wants things to be like before but can’t afford it because it would disrupt the harmony of the club. Like, yeah, king! Go get punched in the gut with affection! You (unironically) deserve it!

This follows a pattern that happens in every volume, where Masaki always, at some point, has to do something for Minato’s own sake that ends up upsetting him, which in turn upsets Masaki as well. And when Minato confronts him about it, he finds out that Masaki was actually caring for him all along and gets all flustered. In volume one, this happens when Masaki tells Minato that he should join his friends at the club because he wouldn’t be coming to the Yata-no-Mori kyudojo forever, which means Minato would eventually be drawing his bow alone. This completely screws Minato up internally, because how dare you give me so much and then suddenly announce that you’ll leave me in the near future. But turns out Masaki just thought that this would be the best for Minato, and when Minato finds out the truth, he’s “so embarrassed he could die”. Jump to volume 2, where they fight over Minato’s recklessness in regard to his injury and his bad form, and Masaki finds himself having to forbid Minato from coming to practice. Minato loses it because you’re the one who got me back into archery, yet now you try to take the bow away from me. And then he realizes where Masaki was coming from, and calls him an idiot because he’s frustrated.

Ayano clearly likes to do this kinda shit where Minato gets insecure assuming the worst whenever he’s deprived of anything related to Masaki, only to reveal that it was for his own good, then having them resent the lack of proper communication in-between. All in all, these situations are portrayed in a heartwarming way that showcase Masaki is actually a responsible adult and Minato is, as he says, a very cute disciple. But it also makes it look like married couple bickering, because this woman just loves fucking with us like that.

And also because this follows the same pattern as what archery means to Minato.

In every single volume, something happens that deprives him not only of Masaki, but of archery itself, because to him, those two things are connected. When he feels like Masaki is about to disappear from his sight in volume 1, he begs him to stay. When he’s forbidden from coming to practice, he could’ve just gone to Saionji or practiced at home with the rubber bow if he wanted, but instead, he kept coming to the dojo like the jealous little bitch he is to watch Masaki teaching everyone but him. Minato’s love for archery and his love for Masaki are portrayed in the very same way. He gets burned by them at some point, but he also gets healed upon understanding that the burn was for the sake of growth. Just as it says in the last tournament of volume 3:

“Goodbye” is a spell. Something devised from the very beginning.

The sound of a knock on the door. Ringing through.

Yearning, chasing, wishing.

Crouching down, struggling, being doubted and scorned.

Raging, despairing, cursing.

Repenting, lamenting, accepting death.

And when one gives up…

They bow down their heads, love, forgive. Thus the door finally opens.

“Welcome,” it greets.

To love means to forgive yourself and others.

Just like with archery, Minato yearns and chases and wishes for Masaki, but he hits walls along the way. It breaks him and he literally goes through the five stages of grief when it happens, but then he decides to accept it and face Masaki about it. And in doing so, he finds out the truth, and with the truth comes the catharsys. He finds himself even more in love with archery, so I'm willing to bet that his love for Masaki also deepens whenever these misunderstandings are solved. The reason why he gets so disproportionally flustered in the aftermath is because, on the inside, Minato is like, “So you were thinking of me all this time??? You weren’t trying to abandon me???? I love you so much????? Fuck you?????”

And maybe he also gets flustered at how Masaki words his arguments? I mean. “I can’t let anyone see us like that” undebatably refers to not letting other people see them being intimate with each other. It’s not the first time that Masaki talks like this. In volume 2, for example, there was that one scene where Masaki told Minato to not “take on anyone’s style” but his. Minato was also extremely flustered back then, thinking that Masaki didn’t have to word it that way. This is one more thing that only works in Japanese, because the expression he used was “don’t dye yourself in anyone’s color other than mine”. “Dyeing oneself in another’s colors” means taking on someone’s way of doing things, and it’s an expression most often used to describe the role of a wife in marriage, where she’s expected to “dye herself in her husband’s colors” (as in, to follow his way of thinking and do what he says). This is a double-entendre that can be read as “don’t you cheat on me”, and we’re completely free to interpret Minato’s reaction as “you didn’t have to make it sound suggestive, what am I supposed to do with that thought now”.

In that same fashion, when Masaki says they can’t afford to let other people see them being so close or else it’ll give them the wrong idea (which is actually the right idea, because Minato is indeed his favorite disciple), it gives Minato, for a split second, a free sample of what it would be like if they were in a relationship. Because if Minato were in love with Masaki, as the birds imply, then this way of interpreting Masaki’s words is 100% something that would go through his head in that moment. Actually, even if he weren’t in love with Masaki, the wording is inexcusably implicative. There’s a million other ways he could have put it. But if we take it from a “Minato is in love” perspective, it’s easy to understand why Masaki’s word choice only adds up to his frustration, and his reaction makes even more sense. Again, the text gives us leeway to read it like that, and it’s intentional. It wasn’t written in this way by coincidence, nor is it a coincidence that we get this kinda shit at least once per volume.

I feel like I’m repeating myself a lot in this analysis, but much like everything else in Tsurune, their relationship is cyclical. This shit is going to happen all the time with these two, as if it’s a rule between them. Masaki does the best for Minato and ends up hurting him in the process without meaning to, which means he’s also hurting. And when everything is solved, Minato doesn’t know what the fuck to do with himself, because that’s how much he loves Masaki. It’s almost like Masaki himself is an embodiment of archery for Minato at this point.

The whole process of shooting in Japanese archery, as stated in volume 2, is about severing your life and being reborn. Minato’s journey with archery has also been one of having his love for it be tested, and when it seemed he was about to lose it, the fire is set alight again by Masaki. His affection for Masaki goes through the same path, and just when he thinks Masaki is about to turn his back to him, he gets this kind of dopamine dump and is able to reaffirm that their bond would never break so easily. In fact, any little bit of logic would be enough for him to realize that, but although Minato is a pragmatic person in general, logic just doesn’t apply when it comes to Masaki. This is entirely mutual, because the same things happen to Masaki as well. He can’t look at Minato in the eye because it obviously makes him feel guilty, and when Minato dodges him, he gets a taste of what he himself is doing to Minato. It's all about retribution, which is a concept present in Shinto, Buddhism and Japanese archery.

The realization that Masaki was avoiding him for his own sake makes Minato lose it. He probably would’ve reverted to calling Masaki an idiot or a pervert and lashed out at him like usual if his grandparents hadn’t arrived to the scene. And then what happens next felt like a fucking fever dream. I still remember the first time I read it so damn vividly. The way the elderly couple just stormed in and presumed that Minato was crying for entirely different reasons. Minato trying to undo the misunderstanding. The car accident suddenly being brought up. The iroha poem that Minato’s mom used to sing being mentioned out of fucking nowhere. Masaki being Masaki and interpreting it for Minato and, again for whatever reason, has to put a hand on Minato's back while doing it. It’s all just so fast and ridiculously shippy. The stupid couple vibes, the way that Minato’s grandmother seems to approve of Masaki and bless the relationship by asking Masaki to “take care of Minato forever”. Seiya and Kaito watching over them from a distance and worrying whether everything was gonna go well or not. It’s all like a reverse parallel to when Ren asked Minato to take care of Masaki, except unfortunately very rushed. Just MasaMina being shoved down our throats as per usual, except lightning style.

On the topic of shoving down throats, the following scene with Masaki spitting his coffee when Minato’s apron fell down has puzzled people for the longest time now. To this day, I can’t really explain what happened here. I’ve seen people speculating that it was “lucky lechery”, and ugh. Ew. Gross. But though I can’t really imagine it, it’s true that he didn’t spit the coffee due to the sight being funny. He wasn’t laughing. And he was the only one who was so weirdly surprised. I have a lot of qualms about thinking of it that way, but Masaki has always been portrayed as having the dirty mind of an old man. Honestly, it’s disturbing to imagine it, but an intrusive thought isn’t... too far-fetched. What makes me feel not so bad about this is the fact that, looking back on the talk between Minato and Nanao, it’s easy to figure not only that Minato is “interested” in Masaki, but also that, whatever the way he looks at Masaki is, Masaki doesn’t correspond. With that in mind, I'd rather interpret this apron scene as Masaki being caught off-guard.

As Minato says, he’s looking at Masaki, but Masaki has his eyes on the Gods. Of course, Masaki was properly looking at Minato, as we know, just in a different way from how Minato looks at him. Masaki was being a responsible master and watching over his disciple in spite of everything. So by all accounts, Minato’s feelings are not reciprocated, which again pushes the idea that Minato is in love. If his distress was just from him being concerned with his master as a disciple and nothing else, this would fall into their master-disciple dynamics and therefore would automatically be reciprocated. There’s no other way around it. Masaki is looking at him as a disciple and Minato is… doing something else entirely. Again, whatever that something else is has been left to our imagination, but the birds are just fucking unexplainable from any perspective that isn’t romantic. They didn’t even have to be there. Hell, the café scene was also completely unnecessary.

Amazing how this book still has the power to make me lose my fucking mind.

First hint of the “imina” is dropped as Masaki tells the boys about it, and Minato concludes that it is “the name of a life”. In Japanese, this is written as 命の御名, and there are two ways to read 御名. One of them is “gyomei” and the other is “mina”. “Gyomei” is used when referring to the name of the emperor, while “mina” is used when referring to a name that is sacred, such as the name of a god. The one that Ayano chooses as the furigana here is “mina”. Of course, this also is a reference to Minato’s name, as well as foreshadowing to the whole thing with Masaki’s birth name.

More foreshadowing ensues as Minato is shown giving instructions and teaching the kouhai in the next scene. I didn’t catch it at first, but it was really just him doing that amongst the upperclassmen, so yeah, future coach!Minato putting his skills on display once again. I say once again because it’s not the first time he gives advice to people regarding archery. He’s been doing it since volume 1, with Manji. Many mistook him for being savage back then, but he was giving candid advice when he warned Manji about target panic. Not to mention that he has the ability of setting people’s souls ablaze and making them want to draw the bow. He’s got talent for it.

This goes on right before Hikaru watches him talk to Masaki like they’re a married couple. Just obvious as fuck. Hikaru is shipping this shit. I’m only half-joking when I say this, because he quite literally considers himself “lucky to be around them”. He’s canonically enjoying this domestic load of bull. Now, I don’t know how many people noticed, but the way Hikaru thinks of them is pretty damn unnatural. Maybe it’s just me, but this struck me as intentional. I feel like he was being used as a reminder for how the readers should view these two. Unfortunately, thanks to the anime, many people got the wrong impression about Masaki and his relationship with Minato, which is most definitely not how Ayano wants people to see them. I mean, let’s be honest, fellow readers. We know that Masaki is her favorite character and this is her favorite relationship. I honestly believe she wants us all to see them in the way Hikaru does: a master and his disciple being cute with each other.

The dialogue is also gold. The way that Minato is able to deduct that Masaki’s offer to come to his place and look for the book he wants inevitably means having to clean up in the process. The way that Masaki can tell that Minato knows what’s coming just from him saying that it’d be a pain in the ass. Him responding with, “Don’t think you can get fish without doing some work” and Minato retorting that he’s more into red meat than fish. This was the author’s way of showing that these idiots are in the same wavelength. The good humor and wholesomeness is palpable in how sassy and comfortable they are with one another. There’s mad levels of intimacy here, which is, again, completely unnecessary plot-wise. It’s there because Ayano wants it to be there. Not to mention that there’s double-entendre again.

I’m talking about the “vegetarian” and “carnivore” part of the conversation here. In Japanese, “vegetarian” and “herbivore” are the same word. Y’all know the terms that Japanese people use to define who’s passive and who’s dominant in a relationship? Yep, that’s right, it’s “herbivore” and “carnivore”. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but with the amount of hidden meaning, suggestiveness and word play that this volume has, I don’t even doubt anything anymore. And we gotta be real here: as far as all 3 volumes go, Minato is ridiculously physical when it comes to Masaki. Not only is Masaki the person he has more physical contact with, he’s the only character whose touch and presence Minato actually craves. He’s always reaching out to grab Masaki, and just the prospect of not getting his fix of head pats is literally enough to make him tear up. And Minato isn’t even the kind of person who likes physical contact. More often than not, he’s annoyed by it, if it’s coming from anyone else. That aside, he’s also weirdly physical when he’s thinking about Masaki. I’ve said this time and time again, but Minato often describes Masaki in his head in ways that sound very much like he’s physically attracted to Masaki. So far, the descriptions of Masaki that we’ve gotten from Minato’s point of view are:

He’s got basically every Japanese ideal trait of conventional attractiveness

Has “adult charm but still retains some childishness in him”

Warm hands, slender fingers, bewitching eyes

A smile like the New Moon

And as most recently defined by this volume, smells really fucking good (at least to Minato)

All of these are physical things. And we always get this from Minato’s perspective only. Meanwhile, Minato obviously has nothing that Masaki would be physically attracted to, of course. But even while putting Minato aside as an option (because he’s not at all an option), Masaki is a priest. Yes, Shinto priests can get married, and they don’t even have to be married to have sex, so there are no inhibitions imposed on him in that regard. But even then, due to their lifestyle, Shinto priests tend to be abstinent. This is something I read on an interview with an actual Shinto priest, and Masaki seems to fit into the stereotype, given that he doesn’t seem to be remotely interested in romantic relationships or being sexually involved with anybody. He doesn’t have a girlfriend, isn’t anyone’s “friend with benefits”, and doesn’t appear to give a shit. This isn’t because he’s too busy or doesn’t have social life. As established in volume 2, he has always had many friends, and he himself says it in volume 3 that he thinks all women are beautiful. However, “the only ones he considers to be cute are his disciples”. What I’m trying to say is: regardless of Masaki’s dirty jokes and old man attitude, he might actually be the more pure-hearted one between him and Minato in that regard. He definitely doesn’t have any idea that Minato thinks those things about him, and if he knew, he’d be taken aback for sure.

By the way, quick translator's note here, but when Masaki says that “the only ones he considers to be cute are his disciples”, the word “disciple” is actually not in plural form. Basically, we're free to interpret that as either him talking about all his disciples... or just one. And the second option is the most likely to be what he means, because the club is full of female members now. It wouldn't make much sense for him to draw a line between "women" and "disciples" when half of said disciples are girls.

Just take that piece of trivia and run with it.

Another implication that Masaki doesn’t get the effect he has on Minato is the scene where everyone goes out to play in the dog and cat park. Seiya had clearly planned for Masaki to go with the first-years instead of with them. When I first read this volume, I was weirded out by how Seiya suddenly turned into a prick to Masaki and began to resemble his anime counterpart. But then, in-between, he would be acting like his usual self, teaming up with Masaki to debate with Kaito and Keima, unintentionally laughing at Masaki’s old man joke, lending the marker to Masaki so that he can scribble on Takumi’s face, etc. Minato and Kaito’s passiveness also struck me as kind of weird, because if Seiya were being outright hostile on purpose, they wouldn’t stand for it. This led me to believe he wasn’t just being a little bitch, and at some point, Seiya in this volume started reminding me a lot of how Kaito acted with Minato when they had just met. And then I realized that this is probably what Ayano was going for here.

Back when Minato was still trying to avoid being part of the archery club despite Seiya’s attempts to get him into it, Kaito was criticizing him for not making it clear enough that he was never going to join. Minato obviously gave off the vibes of someone who still loved archery and wanted to do it, so in spite whatever he said, Kaito was basically arguing, “Well, it ain’t working. Try harder”. Seiya is taking this same approach with Masaki, except without saying anything directly to him. Other than that, he also seems to be doing kind of the same as Ren does with Minato.

Seiya was the one who did the poll with the club members, so he was the first person to find out that they thought Masaki favored the second-years, especially Minato. And the problem here is: the first-years aren’t wrong. Masaki really does lean towards the second-years, not exactly because he likes them more, but because he’s closer to them, having already been with them for a whole year. As for Minato, the second-years know how deep his bond with Masaki goes, but the first-years don’t, so there’s no convincing them that this is fair. What does Seiya do? He pushes Masaki away from them—away from Minato, in particular—and onto the first-years. And in this process, he’s probably aware that he’s hurting his best friend, which definitely leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, so he takes it out on Masaki. It’s killing two birds with one stone. He gets to throw shade at Masaki for making him do this while also being like, “Who said we’re close to this guy? Nuh-uh, not me” in front of the first-years.

Speaking of shade, the comments Seiya makes on Masaki in this volume are pretty damn interesting. They all have something in common. Can y’all guess what it is?

“Amazing, Masa-san. So you’re a mix of monk, priest and old man.”

“Now, Masa-san, please go tag along with the first-years. You’re the one responsible for looking after us, right? Your club president will be watching over the second-years, so rest easy.”

“He’ll be just fine; he’s an adult.”

“If you know it, Masa-san, that means you’re also someone from ancient times.”

Yep. All of them contain reminders that Masaki is a grown-up, specifically. It’s like Seiya is saying, “You’re a grown man; get your act together”, just like Kaito was saying to Minato, “You’re an archer; get your act together”. It’s funny as hell that Minato is always present during these moments, so it might as well also be a reminder to Minato that Masaki is an adult and he isn’t, lmao. Other than that, this attitude of Seiya’s also feels like one more dig on the anime and how it portrayed him and Masaki. How it looks on the surface like Seiya is being gratuitously offensive when, in reality, he’s siding with Masaki.

It’s almost like the author is doing her own little rebellion and I’m here for this shit.

On the topic of making digs on the anime, I have to be honest about one thing that I felt throughout this whole volume. We know that the tendency is for it to get gayer the further the story progresses, but even so, we gotta admit that Ayano tripled down on the gay this time around. It was a lot, to the point that I saw people from the Japanese side of the fandom calling Tsurune a BL novel, both ironically and not, and saying that this volume had “too much gay”. This isn’t normal, guys. But although it makes me feel bad for the author seeing reviews like these, I must say I kinda get where they’re coming from. I was highkey shocked every time the characters had a “moment” with each other—not just Minato and Masaki but also Seiya and Kaito, and although they barely showed up in this volume, Eisuke and Koushirou too. Because, my God, it was all so visceral and heavy. Some parts gave me diabetes while others basically ripped my heart off my chest.

Am I complaining, though? Absolutely not. I’ll take a whole ton more of that. Still, there’s something about it that I can’t shake off my head even now. Very often did these passages feel like covert criticism toward the anime, as well as Ayano’s compromise with what she wanted her story to be. Like, “Oh, so the anime is portraying Masaki as an asshole using his students to seek revenge on his dead grandfather? Here’s him and Minato being domestic as fuck.” Or, “Oh, so the anime ignores Seiya and Kaito’s relationship? Here’s Seiya being sweet to Kaito and acting like his girlfriend.”

And don’t get me wrong, I do think she’s eternally grateful to KyoAni for picking up her work and not only publishing but also animating it, but that doesn’t mean she has to agree with what has been done with her story and characters. I mean, it’s so far removed from what she’s doing. I also see people in the Japanese side of the fandom commenting about how different the anime is from the original, and that it’s best to view both as separate stories. This isn’t normal either, although I saw it happen to Violet Evergarden as well. Add that to the fact that Ayano never gave any interviews, or even wrote a creator’s comment outside of the novel afterwords. I reiterate that do think she is thankful to KyoAni, but yeah, I also believe she resents the anime to an extent, and it shows in this volume.

Now back to the analysis.

One of the gayest things ever presented in the entire franchise is the reference to “Greensleeves”. Nothing could’ve prepared me for that shit. I have answered an ask about this scene where I break down and analyze the KaiSei side of it, which can be found here. This is one of the many instances where KaiSei is a direct parallel to MasaMina. Kaito talks about how the dog that Seiya is petting is “so clingy”. Minato has to deal with sharing Masaki with more club members this year, many of whom are openly crushing on him, so he’s jealous all over again. Kaito wonders if it’s okay for him to try to catch up to Seiya, who is full of secrets. Minato often tells Masaki not to treat him like a child and it’s always through him that we are shown Masaki and Ren keep a lot of secrets. Kaito wants to know what burdens Seiya and hopes that Seiya would share the load with him, rely on him. Meanwhile, Minato doesn’t mind Masaki not wanting to tell him about his circumstances, because an adult shouldn’t try to rely on a child to share his problems. However, Minato makes it very clear that he will stop Masaki if Masaki ever attempts doing something dangerous. Which means Masaki doesn’t even have a choice here—he will have Minato pull him out of the Crimson Lotus Hell whether he wants it or not. But I’m now getting a little ahead of myself. Let’s go back to “Greensleeves”.

English: Alas, my love, you do me wrong Greensleeves was all my joy Greensleeves was my delight

Japanese: Aah, my love, you're such a cruel one Greensleeves, you were my joy Greensleeves, such merry days I was happy just being by your side

The author’s choice of song and verses are… interesting, to say the least. The translation that comes with it is very interesting too, because it’s how she interprets the lyrics. The fact that “alas, my love” is a phrase we can canonically associate with KaiSei and MasaMina still sucks away all of my sanity, especially when thinking about how the lyrics fit into their interactions.

“You do me wrong”, “you’re such a cruel one”: Seiya was a dick to Kaito when they first met, until they had that big fight and later made up. Whenever Seiya was a dick, Kaito would answer at length and they would clash, so this was technically a mutual thing. As discussed above, Masaki sometimes has to do things that hurt Minato for his own good, which is also mutual, as Minato’s response hurts Masaki as well.

“You were my joy, such merry days”: Minato is happiest when Masaki is there. That much has already been stated since volume 1. Before Masaki joins the club, Minato is happy to be back to archery, but also feels sad that he’s no longer able to draw the bow with Masaki, until we get the most “surprise, bitch” scene of the series. Nothing of the sort had ever been implied for Kaito before, but this volume raises the question of whether or not Kaito is okay with Seiya going somewhere far away. Unsurprisingly, he never says he’s okay with it, because no one in this novel says things they don’t mean. What he does say is that it’s Seiya’s own decision. Regardless, everyone can tell how much it affects him. Now maybe that’s a big claim to make when it comes to Masaki and Seiya, but Masaki literally went to Kazemai because he wanted to keep teaching Minato and Seiya has gone to individual competitions because of Kaito.

“I was happy just being by your side”: Again, it has already been stated, quite literally, that Minato just wants Masaki to be by his side. Same for Kaito with Seiya. He wants Seiya to rely on him, but regardless of whether Seiya does it or not, just being by Seiya’s side is enough for him. This is actually an authentically Zen-like way of thinking and highlights how pure of heart Minato and Kaito are. It also affirms that they have a lot of feelings piled up, but they’re keeping it to themselves. Again, this is mutual. Suppose Masaki couldn’t teach at Kazemai anymore, he’d still be happy so long as Minato kept coming to Yata Shrine to learn from him. As for Seiya, he knows his time with Kaito is limited if he’s going to choose the path of medicine, so he’s enjoying what he can get for now.

The way Kaito’s red shoes chase after Seiya’s blue ones also feels a lot like the way that Minato is always chasing Masaki, both in the literal sense and not. And the way that Kaito and Seiya eventually end up walking together might very well apply to Minato and Masaki too. Masaki is a figure of authority in the dojo, but essentially, he and Minato are equals. From the get-go, Masaki allows Minato to speak with him informally and use a nickname to refer to him. Minato makes fun of Masaki, scolds him, yells at him, calls him an idiot, a pervert, a shitty old man, etc… because he can. Not because he doesn’t respect Masaki (“respect” is literally the word that defines their relationship in the official character chart), but because they’re on equal grounds with each other. Masaki knows better than to follow the stupid “I’m superior to you because I happened to be born first” unsaid social rule of Japanese society. He isn’t worthier just for being older and Minato isn’t lesser for being younger. He’s always poking fun at Minato for being a “little kid”, but that’s because he thinks Minato is cute when he acts childish. He’s not actually belittling Minato for being a child.

Aside from that, the things Seiya said about Bernese dogs also feel like a MasaMina hint. He talks about how they have a short lifespan even amongst other dog breeds and that any amount of years they live past the average is a “gift from God”. This is a reference to Minato. In every volume there’s at least one scene where Minato nearly dies. The car accident, the truck accident, the boar incident and Takumi’s little “prank”. Not to mention stuff from the boys’ childhood that is mentioned in-text, like falling from a tree along with their tree house, getting lost in a forest and accidentally eating a ginkgo fruit. Masaki even comments in volume 1 on how Minato gets injured often, and sure enough, he also gets wounded or sick in every volume. He injuries his hand when he and Masaki first meet, then hurts his neck after his fight with Seiya, then the ganglion happens, the fever, the allergy. In these cases, he always gets saved by sheer coincidence. Most of the time, the coincidence is the fact that Masaki is there for him. On volume 1, coincidences and encounters are described as “gifts”. Masaki is Minato’s “gift from God”, who keeps him alive despite his lifespan being at constant risk of running out.

Skip to the tournament and more foreshadowing of future coach!Minato comes up as he gets Hikaru to cast away his insecurities and shoot. I have discussed this before in previous analysis but Minato does it in an essentially Zen way, where he never outright tells Hikaru to “just do it”. He motivates Hikaru by telling him about bullet train names, which seems like a completely unrelated topic, but then he connects it to tsurune and makes Hikaru want to shoot. He’s being exceptionally sensible here, communicating with Hikaru in a way that sounds abstract, but which Minato knows will get through to him. That’s exactly how Masaki gets him to do things and it’s how masters usually do it. Zen is really just like that—you have to get people to find their own answers. This is the author telling us that Minato is in the right track to following Masaki’s steps.

After that, “Greensleeves” comes up again. Kaito’s interpretation of the lyrics is superb. Especially the ending, which he translates as, “This is goodbye, but please come here one more time and give me love”. That’s Minato whenever he thinks his relationship with Masaki is going sour. And although the verses are the same in English in this scene, the Japanese translation has additional verses for some reason.

Aah, I feel my chest about to burst You, who bestow me with love, what a cruel one you are You let me bask in your affection, only to say that you will abandon me Is this a test from the Lord?

Bro, that’s. That’s fucking Minato there. It's especially literal when applying it to volume 1, when Minato thought Masaki was getting tired of him after humoring him for a while with overcoming target panic. Where he was basically a parallel to Fuu, who returned to the forest after Masaki healed its injury. Except Fuu eventually came back, and so did Minato. What I get from this is that the gods are always testing how much he loves Masaki, and so far, he has given them the right answer every time. Minato also always almost leaves, but in his case it’s literal—he always almost dies. These near-death experiences always seem to kind of come outta nowhere, but they do have a proper reason to be other than ship tease. It’s the heavens above announcing that Minato’s time is up, except Masaki is there to intervene.

Masaki interprets “Greensleeves” as “an arm that is green”, with “green” being not exactly the color but rather a way to describe something miraculous. Touch it and you will be graced with a miracle. Meanwhile, Seiya says that the lyrics feel like someone’s words to God—a song of lament and resignation, with a hint of criticism in it. Sound familiar? Yeah. “Yearning, chasing, wishing. Crouching down, struggling, being doubted and scorned. Raging, despairing, casting curses. Repenting, lamenting, accepting death.” Saying “goodbye” (“this is goodbye”), and when one is about to give up, the door opens, and in comes forgiveness (“but please come here one more time and give me love”). “Greensleeves” is presented here as an equivalent to what the universal experience of doing Japanese archery feels like. Ayano Kotoko interprets it as the definition of “one shot and expire”. And by no coincidence, it’s also a description of the roller coaster that is Minato and Masaki’s relationship.

The origins and meaning of “Greensleeves” are unknown, so Ayano is taking the liberty to offer her own view of it. The way she conceptualizes it, it’s an analogy to coming of age. How is that related to Japanese archery? Through the process of honing oneself by way of practicing a Zen art, people grow—they “come of age”. Or, as the novel puts it, they become “adults (saints)”. Masaki has pointed out in the first volume that he’s like a baby to people who are older than him—age doesn’t really define how mature someone is. Reaching enlightenment equals reaching spiritual adulthood. True adulthood.

And how does that apply to Masaki? I don’t know if anyone’s been keeping track of it, but Minato and his feelings for him have come a long way since volume 1. He’s less reckless, less impatient and less greedy. He no longer freaks out or gets sad when Ren tells him shit, he shares Masaki with even more people at the club now and doesn’t pry on Masaki’s business. Slowly, through repeating this process of one shot and expire, of nearly giving up and then seeing the light at the end of the tunnel in their relationship, Minato and his feelings have slowly evolved and ripened.

So again, Minato’s love for archery and his love for Masaki are portrayed as following the same pattern.

Minato interprets “Greensleeves” as being a “naru poem”, a song that celebrates coming of age, as described by his mother. Later, in the last tournament, Ayano reiterates that affirmation in the text. And since the characters discussed about not just the song but also the individual referred to as Greensleeves in it, then there ought to be an equivalent to that as well—a character who is considered “a miraculous hand” by another character. Someone who gave them a gift, a miracle, once they made contact with them. In other words, “Greensleeves” as a song is the definition of how Japanese archery feels to everyone, but each character has a Greensleeves of their own in their lives.

To Kaito, it’s Seiya. To Ryouhei, it’s his sister. To Seiya, it’s Kaito. To Nanao, it’s also Kaito. To Shuu, it’s Minato. To Masaki, it’s his little brother. More on these later, because for now, the focus is on Minato.

Masaki suggests that Greensleeves is someone who cannot be touched even if one gives up everything for it. Minato opposes to this so vehemently it feels unnatural. He’s too outraged, but it’s because this hits a sore spot for him, without him even knowing it. He absolutely doesn’t want that to be the case, because it would mean that Masaki is out of his reach. Masaki all too often seems to slip from his grasp, off to somewhere far away (or as the novel puts it, to the “Other Side”, the “Farthest North”, the “Crimson Lotus Hell”, etc). And every time this happens, he grabs Masaki’s arms and begs him not to leave (again, one shot and expire). When he thought Masaki was a ghost and was about to pass on in volume 1, he grabbed both of his arms. When they’re in Masaki’s car in volume 2 and Masaki is lamenting how useless a teacher he is, Minato has to hold himself back not to grab Masaki’s arm before affirming that Masaki will be his master forever and always. The last scene of that volume is Minato falling asleep on Masaki while holding onto his arm.

Who else could be Minato’s Greensleeves, I fucking wonder.

Next scene is about future plans for the boys’ careers. Just a KaiSei galore. Fast forward to Seiya and Minato walking Kuma. And then it happens. The biggest middle finger that Ayano flips on the anime.

“The moon’s beautiful, huh?”

“Yeah, it is, very much. Minato, do you know about Natsume Souseki’s anecdote?”

“That he had the habit of plucking out nose hairs whenever he had writer’s block and would line them up onto the manuscripts?”

“That’s the one you went for? I meant the anecdote that Japanese people use other kinds of expressions when professing their love instead of saying ‘I love you’.”

“Sorry, I don’t know that one.”

“Minato, you and Kaito just don’t get fazed, do you?”

I’m sorry but this was fucking brutal.

So the author here takes a very common trope in literature, manga and anime. A classic that everyone loves to use for their ships. And then she completely destroys it.

Minato not knowing something that all Japanese people know is 10000% a stretch. Doesn’t matter that he’s a teenager—everybody and their mother knows this anecdote over here. And yeah, that wasn’t him being funny or embarrassed, because Seiya would’ve noticed it. This is meant to show that the gag was on purpose. That a romantic trope is the last thing Ayano would use for SeiMina. Instead, Minato is thinking about Masaki in this scene, as he asks Seiya if he wants to see some dormice. That’s a confirmed volume 1 reference, because Minato had brought the dormouse mascot that Masaki gave him to Seiya’s house. And Seiya is thinking of Kaito, because why would he bring up Kaito’s name out of nowhere? Did he ask Kaito the same question? In what fucking context? What the fuck did Kaito say back? I need answers, Ayano.

Fast forward further to Minato talking about his plans for the future for the first time. He’s at a loss, but he’s interested in what the job of a Shinto priest is like. In any case, it seems he’s going to find an occupation that is related to it, just not necessarily as a priest.

Fast forward even further to the Meigen Ceremony. In this ritual, Shuu is Kyoka Suigetsu, the “moon over the water surface”. Meaning he’s someone that can’t be reached, no matter how much one tries, because the moon’s reflection is but an illusion over the water, and the real moon is somewhere completely out of grasp. That’s basically what Shuu is to Minato. Minato envies Shuu just as much as he admires him. He strives to be a great archer like Shuu, but in the end, Minato can never be exactly like him—he can only be like himself. That’s just how archery works. This is, needless to say, 100% mutual.

Meanwhile, Masaki is Katsura Otoko. That’s the name of a youkai who lives on the moon. He’s said to be so beautiful that once one looks up at him, they become enthralled to the point they can never take their eyes off his figure. I’m sure we’ve read enough of Minato’s monologues about Masaki to understand that this is exactly what Masaki is to him. It checks all the boxes.

Ayano said “motherfucker is thirsty”.

Later on, Minato’s “sixth sense for Masa-related matters only” starts tingling as he feels chills at Masaki asking Nanao for that one picture. Minato can’t exactly tell, but he can feel that Masaki is up to something. More sixth sense bullshit ensues after Masaki’s traditional court music performance along with his mother and Ren. Minato asks Masaki about the Heart Sutra, which he remembered Saionji telling him to study in the past. They debate about it until Ren interrupts and, as Masaki takes his leave, the mandatory exposition of Masaki and Minato’s karmic connection comes to punch us directly in the face. We already knew that both of them have scars because they “belong to the gods”. We already knew that Minato can see people’s auras. Now we’re told they also see light differently, feel people’s energy and can hear things that normal people can’t.

Ren describes the two of them as having a “disposition for the spiritual” and wonders if Minato is like that because someone in his family was also like that. Seiya had previously asked if Minato’s mother had that kind of disposition, except the word was written differently when he said it. The term he used was 巫女気, while Ren used 神子気. Both read as “mikoke” in furigana, but they have different meanings. Seiya was asking if Minato’s mother had the natural disposition of a shrine maiden (巫女). Ren was affirming that Masaki and Minato had a natural disposition for something else entirely. 神子 reads as “miko” but doesn’t mean “shrine maiden”, exactly—the literal meaning is “child of the gods” or “child of a god”. This is a gender neutral version of “shrine maiden”, referring to people who carry out the same duties at shrines but aren’t women. There’s no translation for it, as far as I’m aware.

Many people on the Japanese side of the fandom have theorized about the implications of this interaction. Everyone seems divided between the following options:

Masaki and Minato are gods or demigods

Masaki and Minato are candidates for becoming gods

Masaki and Minato are descendants of gods

Masaki and Minato have been either gods or god candidates in their past lives

Masaki and Minato are the reincarnations of gods

In any case, the two of them are once again officially set outside the scope of normal human beings because they “belong to the gods”, one way or another. Personally, I lean onto the “god descendant” theory because of the mentioning of Minato’s mom. I also lean onto the “god candidate in a past life” because this volume brings out the topic of past lives and characters experiencing memories and feelings that aren’t their own. So I guess my bet is that they were god candidates in past lives because they’re god descendants.

As for what gods they are or have descended/reincarnated from, people mostly agree that it’s probably Amaterasu for Minato and Tsukuyomi for Masaki. I’m on board with that as well. Even if none of these theories turn out to be true, the fact that the two are parallels to Amaterasu and Tsukuyomi in the text is undebatable.

Minato and Masaki are often portrayed as the “shining sun” and the “guiding moon” of the club. Minato gets people motivated, “sets a fire” in them, and is associated with fresh verdure, which evokes the image of sunny summer days. Meanwhile, Masaki is a beacon—he’s there to lead these kids through the dark. This is even included in his character song. Yata Shrine is also associated with nighttime and it’s no coincidence that Fuu is an owl and not some other animal. Plus, Masaki is the first character to be described as having his soul “set on fire” by Minato (moon reflects the light of the sun).

Their birthdays also play into it. Minato’s birthday falls on the winter equinox in, you guessed it, fucking leap years. As volume 3 so eloquently puts it, that’s the time when the sun “dies and is reborn”. Masaki and Minato met for the first time in fall—a time of decay, of death. And then they met again in spring—a time for rebirth. When Minato came in contact with archery for the first time, it was the end of life as he knew it, and he began a new one. When he moved from middle to high school, having lost sight of his form and “given up” on archery, it was the end of that cycle, and yet another cycle began. Masaki was there in both of these moments.

Before meeting Masaki for the second time, Minato had a different attitude towards archery. He was in kind of a comfort zone as the oomae because he knew he could count on Seiya and Shuu, and didn’t like the cheering of the crowd because it was distracting. He was also a little averse to the Buddhist essence of archery and how it seemed to cross the boundaries of what he considered human, which is why Saionji told him to study more. It lowkey felt like he was looking for vestiges of his mother in doing archery, as suggested by the references to “Kaeru no Uta”. But now he is pretty much the opposite of all that. He’s the ochi instead of the oomae, which made him realize all sorts of things and has come to feel gratefulness for everything he has. And he himself attributes it all to meeting Masaki that night, during the last tournament of volume 1. In the same paragraph, it’s confirmed that Masaki would also have given up archery and be in a bad place if he hadn’t met Minato.

One of the first people to notice the change in Minato is Shuu. He says in volume 1 that he wanted to “shoot through a certain someone’s heart”, and of course he meant Minato, only to then realize in volume 2 that Minato’s heart had already “been shot” by someone. As if that wasn’t already enough of a shocker, Minato suddenly only had eyes for this person, meaning he wanted to shoot through their heart too. It’s said in this volume that “Bows and arrows had come into the world as tools to sever the lives of others, but archers used them to sever their own lives. And then, to be born again.” It feels like Minato and Masaki use bows and arrows to server not just their own lives but also each other’s. And when they’re “reborn”, their bond grows even stronger. They continuously do this dance together in every volume.

And for the billionth time, archery = their relationship.

As for Masaki’s birthday, other than it being exactly one month before Japanese archery day, it also falls on the 6th moon day of the lunar calendar. It’s a day for assimilation of cosmic energy, where one will find grace, love, forgiveness, mental and verbal work. It’s also a day associated with “prophecies” ("something devised from the very beginning", as the novel always says). If those are not perfect definitions of Masaki and Minato’s relationship, I don’t know what is.

There are other things that add up to the Amaterasu and Tsukuyomi theory. For example, Minato shutting off to everyone when he is in a slump because of target panic, just like Amaterasu hiding in a cave and taking the sunlight with her. People try to lure her out, just as Seiya and Ryouhei try to convince Minato to join the club. I’ve seen someone on Twitter discuss about Tsukuyomi being a violent god when provoked, relating that to Masaki’s “gorilla moves in the Kujou villa” (OP’s words, lol). This same person also theorized that the Kazemai archery club being dubbed the “mustache club” is also an Amaterasu reference. “Mustache club” in Japanese is “hige-bu”. “Hige” in this case means “mustache”, but can be written as 日下, meaning “under the sun”. The colors of the mustaches are also the colors of Japanese dragonfly types, so they are indeed a direct reference to Minato. There’s also Eisuke and his photosensitivity. He can’t handle the sun just as much as he can’t handle Minato.

“But Amaterasu is a female god” yes, and Minato has been confirmed as non-binary in the afterword of volume 3. The author had already set him up as an androgynous character from day one, but now she just went and said it: Minato is neither male nor female at heart. That’s also very Zen-Buddhist, because it means he’s detached of the very concept of gender—he’s just himself.

And of course, there’s the elephant in the room. The fact that Amaterasu and Tsukuyomi are both a couple and siblings. We’ve had Kaito monologuing in volume 2 that Masaki is the “big brother” of everyone in the club. In this same monologue, he also notes that Minato is closer to Masaki than everyone else. There’s something between them that goes beyond what Masaki has with the other club members. It's technically the same relationship as Masaki has with the others (master and disciple), yet it just goes deeper. Kaito never really says that Masaki likes Minato more, but it's what he seems to think. And he probably isn't wrong. Masaki loves Minato and all not-Minatos equally. I recall seeing a few people go, “so we’ve been BroTP’d” when the translation of this chapter came out, but one thing does not cancel the other. Masaki can be a reliable big brother figure to the club and Minato can still have the biggest crush on him. Shocking surprise, I know. Even more surprising considering the fact that Minato himself was never shown to think of Masaki as a big brother, and neither does Masaki see Minato as a little brother.

Then again, it's siblings and married couple. And now, thanks to volume 3, we can count “marriage proposal” as one of the things to associate with these two.

Chapter 5 was really something. I mean, I know volume 3 is literally “MasaMina the Book”, but this fucking chapter. Masaki just so happening to see a bicycle that looked exactly like Minato’s outside the store he was going into proves that he also has a fate-powered radar. He can find Minato even when he isn’t looking for him or doesn’t even expect Minato to be anywhere nearby.

The talk about the jeans is also funny as hell because the sentence “indigo blue seems like a good fit for you” is just too much. Too fucking much. I don’t even mean the literal implication that Masaki’s designated color suits Minato best. I mean the fact that you can read “indigo blue” as a euphemism for “Masaki”. It’s the whole “don’t dye yourself in any color other than mine” all over again. Fuck off, Ayano.

This whole scene is the cutest sequence ever. The two of them looking around the store together, and then going solo only to give each other presents after they were done just... rotted all my teeth off my head. Both of them asking for the presents to be put in wrapping, and it turning out to be the exact same wrapping, was a cherry on top. The ribbons got me a little off-guard because anyone would be embarrassed to do that shit. You don’t have to go this extra mile of present wrapping, but it's natural for them. And it’s absurdly adorable that they’re speechless for a moment at the coincidence.

Did they. Did they also realize how extra they were being? Did they?

Color matching is again implied as Masaki gives Minato a green shirt because it’ll “look good with the pants”. We get it, Ayano. Enough is enough, Ayano. And speaking of colors, way back in ancient Japan, blue and green were conceptualized not as different colors, but as different shades of the same color. The word “blue” was used for both for a long time. And by that I mean really fucking long. "Green" was only introduced in the Heian period, but it wasn't widespread until after freaking WWII. That's extremely recent. The Ainu go a step further and still conceptualize not only blue and green but also white as the same color. White is also one of Masaki’s colors, given that he’s a Shinto priest. Very predictably he wears white during important ceremonies at Yata Shrine.

Their colors are one and the same. These two idiots are one and the same. Yeah, we know, Ayano. We fucking know.

As they arrive to Masaki’s apartment, it’s revealed that Minato had already been there before. It’s also implied that he has slept over at least once, and that when he spends the night, they sleep together in Masaki’s bedroom. I was wondering why there was a brief moment earlier in the volume where Ren asks to stay at Masaki’s apartment for a while, only to be turned down. There seemed to be no reason for it, but apparently it’s because Minato stays there every now and then. Good fucking god.

Masaki’s habit of being messy in contrast with Actual Housewife Narumiya Minato is a voice whispering in the background that Masaki needs someone like that living with him. The part where their legs bump under the kotatsu and their reaction to it is to look at each other and laugh fucking ended me.

When Minato tells Masaki that Ren said things about his vision, Masaki tries to dodge it by saying, “yeah, I have good vision because I grew up in a place surrounded by greenery”, and surprisingly, Minato can see through it. He knows Masaki doesn’t want to talk about whatever Ren told him, and that his reaction means everything Ren said was true. And he backs off. He really wants to know but he gives Masaki space. I feel like this wouldn’t have happened in the previous volumes. Again, Minato is becoming more mature and less impatient as the story progresses.

Then comes the revelation of Masaki’s real name. I have talked about this scene at length in a previous post, which I’ll copy-paste here:

So Masaki’s first name was originally “Tamamori Masaki”. “Masaki” was written as 正樹 in the past and later became 雅貴, because he changed his first name as well when changing his last name. Same pronunciation, different writing. Just a random observation while we’re at it, but “Tamamori” is a weird surname. In a good sense. Like, it means “soul protector” in a very not obvious way. “Tama” means “sphere”, which has the connotation of “spirit”/“soul”. “Mori” means “protection”/“protector” (think of protection charms, “omamori”, for example). It’s not a common name by any standards (in fact, I didn’t even know this name existed before), and damn, does it define Masaki well. As a Shinto priest, he is literally a protector of spirits and gods. As a coach, he’s the protector of his disciples. And in general, he’s Minato’s protector.

We’ve known since volume 1 that Masaki had changed his surname to “Takigawa” because his mother had divorced his biological father and remarried. We also knew that he didn’t have his grandfather’s surname (Yasaka) before that, because that’s his mother’s father. He originally had his father’s surname, and until now, we didn’t know what that was. And we also didn’t know that Masaki had changed his first name along with his last name. There shouldn’t be any need for that. In fact, there shouldn’t be any need for him to change his surname either. Just because his mother remarried doesn’t mean he’s obligated to have his stepdad’s surname. Something else was the issue.

The issue being that Masaki’s biological dad is on Trash Dad Team.

Volume 3 is the one where we get the most of Masaki’s past until this point, so be ready for one hell of a ride now. For starters, his grandpa’s family is special. Not just because they run a shrine, but also because the people of their bloodline have a strong sixth sense. They can see and feel certain things that normal people can’t. I’m sure everyone could already tell that from volume 1, though. It’s always been hinted that Masaki has some sort of connection with the supernatural and the mystic aside from the fact that he’s a priest. It’s been even more strongly hinted that the same goes for Minato, and in this volume, we get a confirmation of it.

So there you have it. Masaki is a descendant of important people who have a long-standing, intimate relationship with the “other side”. One of his ancestors has their remains enshrined within a forest in another town and is worshiped by the locals. And here’s where things get wild: his father stole one of this ancestor’s bones from the shrine and ran the fuck away with it. His goal was probably to sell it to the black market or something. That kinda shit gets you an insane amount of money in Japan. However, before stealing the bone, he had tried to have the remains exhumed and handed over to him from the local people, claiming that he was one of the descendants of whoever was enshrined in that forest. From what the text implies, the actual descendant wasn’t him, but rather someone who was related to him.

Who that someone was? Masaki’s brother.

No, not Ren. Masaki’s biological brother.

Yes, Masaki has a sibling. Or had, before their father kidnapped him.

Masaki’s brother is three years younger than him and his name is never revealed. All we know is that they were close and Masaki loved him very much. When his father left, he took his youngest son along without anyone’s consent and ran away. Masaki and his mother have not seen him since.

“But wait, Japan is a country where the law actually works. How is it that the police hasn’t caught this guy? Is this a stretch from the author? Perhaps just bad writing?” you might be asking yourselves. Sadly, no. The author is actually being realistic here (and likely providing an educated critique to how flawed Japan’s law is when it comes to caring for minors in general). I know that what I’m about to say is going to sound crazy, but parental kidnapping isn’t a crime in Japan.

I wish I was making this up.

If two parents get divorced and one of them takes their child along when leaving, even if by force and without the consent or knowledge of the other parent, this isn’t considered kidnapping at all. Why? Basically, children are viewed as property of their families in Japan. If one of the parents wants to take their kid to their new home and raise them there, it’s completely legal. Their child, their choice. The child doesn’t have any right to object. The only one who has that right is the other parent, but they can only exercise it if they manage to catch the kidnapper in the act. Otherwise, if the other parent tries to get the child back after the child has been kidnapped, they need to have the permission of the kidnapper, because by then the child would be in a new residence that doesn’t belong to both parents, only to one, and accessing it without the consent of the residence’s owner would be invasion of property. And that is a crime that could get the other parent in jail, even if they’re literally just trying to save their child.

All of this felt completely insane to write and I presume it feels even more insane to read.

As to why Masaki’s dad took his brother away, it’s because of their special bloodline. Apparently, Masaki’s brother was just like him. After his father left with his brother, Masaki and his family figured that he’d come back to take Masaki too, and that’s why he had to change his name. That way, Masaki now belongs to his stepdad’s family, meaning that if his father tried to take him, then it would be legally considered kidnapping. It’s not very clear why Masaki also changed the writing of his first name, but it’s suggested that he did so because his father was the one who picked it for him.

But oh, it doesn’t get better. A while after the kidnapping, Masaki’s dad sent his little brother’s death certificate to them. On Masaki’s birthday. Ever since then, Masaki’s birthday has been his brother’s death anniversary.

Death and rebirth, and then death. The usual.

Masaki doesn’t think his brother really died. His father probably pulled some strings to forge the death and then got his brother a new identity. That way, his ex-wife’s family would give up on trying to get him back, and even if they decided to do otherwise, the chances of them succeeding would be next to none. Like, suppose they happen to get ahold of him by some dumb luck, they’d still never be able to prove that it’s him (with him being legally considered dead and probably having a whole different name now).

Masaki is understandably the most bitter creature on earth over this whole thing. He despises his father with a passion and hates his birth name. During his conversation with Minato about this, he says that his birth name is an “imina” to him.

We’re now coming full cycle with one of the earlier foreshadowings, so I need to contextualize imina a little more. Before the Meiji Restoration, Japanese people had a custom of using several different names for themselves, as well as taking on many different kinds of epithets, pen names and titles. People hardly used their birth names even to sign official documents or works made by themselves. This was so that it would be the hardest possible for their real names to ever be disclosed. Only their families would know their real names until they passed away. That’s when their names would finally be engraved in their tombstones, family altars and whatnot.

Other than family, the only person who would know another person’s real name was the one they were making romantic advances on. It was okay to pull this move because, during those times, people flirted with the ultimate purpose of getting married, meaning their sweetheart would become part of their family eventually. But there was always a chance of them being rejected, so it was a risky feat. It meant they were betting everything on getting a "yes" as the answer. Wars and battles over territory, political power and assets were an everyday life thing, and so were betrayals, spying, ordered assassinations and coup d’etats. People had to protect their identities at all costs back then. Revealing your real name to an outsider was an act of absolute trust, and this is mentioned in the novel—it was like entrusting the other person with your life. Of course, this isn’t the case anymore, but Masaki revealing to Minato his birth name, as well as telling him this extremely personal and heavy story, is act of absolute trust, equal to putting his life in Minato's hands. Remember chapter 1: imina = "the name of a life".

But Masaki knows that he can share this with Minato. Minato won’t be put-off by it, won’t be judgmental towards it, and most importantly, won’t ever tell a soul about it. It’s actually real funny to me that Minato listens to this absurd story without batting an eye. He just accepts all of it, no questions asked. And the only thing he isn’t okay with is Masaki talking about his own name as if it’s disgusting and a burden.

Now I have to leave a translation of this part here because it’s fucking golden. You've gotten through this wall of text. You deserve it.

“‘Tamamori Masaki’. That’s my former name.”

“Your birth name?”

“I changed my first name along with my surname. My old name is an imina to me. Don’t really wanna be reminded of it.”

Masa-san was giving a bitter smile – one that was not like him. First there was Ren the other day and now this; these brothers just had too many secrets. Minato did not mind that they would not tell him about the circumstances. However, hating your own name was simply too sad.

“That doesn’t feel right. Imina were used up until the Meiji Era and they were something precious that only your lord and family members could know. Apparently, you’d only tell it to other people when courting them.”

“Fuh, that’s dangerous. Seiya would beat me to a pulp if he found out. Well then, mind giving me your reply?”

“To what?”

“To my marriage proposal.”

“Heh? I-I don’t know anything about that kinda stuff.”

“‘That kinda stuff’, huh.”

“I’ve never thought about that kinda stuff.”

“You just said ‘that kinda stuff’ twice.”

“You’re the worst master ever.”

“Minato, you’re like a jack-in-the-box. Whatever’s inside is always beyond my imagination.” Masa-san giggled.

——Looks like he was teasing me. Geez, I’m seriously no match for this man.

Minato stood up. “About time I head home.”

“Want me to give you a ride?”

“I’m good.”

When he pushed the door open, a gray sky spread out before his eyes.

“Uh, it’s raining. I didn’t bring my raincoat today.”

“Well-timed shower, huh? Wanna drink some coffee?”

“Hm.”

Minato closed the door.

Filed under: jokes that mean exactly what they mean.

I love that in Tsurune, the punchline in these moments doesn’t come from double entendre. The joke is precisely what it sounds like. When Masaki says “proposal”, the word he uses is specifically meant for marriage. But no, he’s not really asking for Minato’s hand. He just worded it like that because he knew it’d get a reaction out of Minato, and that’s where the humor lies.

I have seen some people (even some influential artists) in the fandom honestly believing that Masaki really was proposing to Minato in this scene, and if any of y’all ever happen to come across someone posting about that, rest assured. He wasn’t. It’s the same as when he joked about teaching Minato “the basics of a relationship”. He wasn’t being serious at all, but when he said “the basics”, it meant exactly what it sounds like.

I also think it’s really funny that Minato makes a mental note on the fact that he was being teased, which means he at first thought Masaki was being serious. For a hot minute, Minato honestly believed that Masaki was proposing marriage to him, in canon. His realization that it was a joke is literally written there. And the best part is, he didn’t say no. He took Masaki seriously for a moment and didn’t reject him. This had my head spinning when I read it for the first time. I was straight-up fucking disoriented for a while. I don't know how many people truly understand how outrageously big this is. Minato basically just said... that it was too early for him, lmfao. It feels like he was asking for time to reply. Like, "Gimme a few years so that I can say yes."

But don't be fooled, y'all. Masaki wasn't proposing, yet he was asking Minato a question that he wanted an answer to. Except this question wasn’t “will you marry me”. It was something else, hidden between the lines, which the novel comes back to in the last tournament. More on that later.

And just to finish up the analysis of this scene, gotta love the weather suddenly turning on Minato just so that he’ll get to spend more time with Masaki. He’s about to leave out of sheer embarrassment but the gods say, “Oh, no, you don’t”. And when he goes back in, it just feels like he completely forgot about how flustered he was a second ago. Speaking of flustered, this doesn’t translate into English, but the way Minato thinks about “being no match” for Masaki is distinctively feminine. It truly feels like a girlfriend or wife thinking about her man. The text pretty much slapped me in the face ‘cause it’s by far the girliest thing I’ve read in the entire novel.

Cut to Takumi’s first attempt to sabotage Minato and Masaki coming back after a week of looking for his brother. Mandatory Missing Masa-san Hours and wanting to go to him for advice are over, and Minato is relieved to see Masaki’s smile for the first time in a while, because this is also a mandatory “Masaki’s smile has a healing effect on Minato” moment.

New yugake in hand, Minato goes to Yata Shrine to get used to it, because duh. When Masaki misses the target more than once during their little practice, he gets dodgy again, except this time it’s hard to notice. He says it’s because he hasn’t drawn the bow for a whole week, and while this also plays into it, the main reason is his current state of mind. Which is also the reason why he doesn’t want Minato to touch him as he is now, as well as the reason why he was asking his grandfather from beyond the grave if he was really qualified to do purification rituals. Because right now, he's as impure as can be.

Masaki has murderous intent towards his father for ruining the lives of his family, especially his brother’s. When he swears that he’ll find his father and "choke the life out of him", he means it in the literal sense. He up and declares to the gods that he’ll kill his father with his own hands. And it's not valid for just this life, but no matter how many times they’re reborn, he’ll end his father if he ever finds him.

Don't know about you guys, but this reminds me a lot of S1 Masaki. More specifically, this feels like the author's take on S1 Masaki. Him being all bitter and gloomy, missing the target and bearing heavy negative feelings toward someone from his family is a first in the novel, and it's all stuff that S1 brought about. But the way S1 did it was just so wrong on so many levels and butchered Masaki's character so blatantly that I can understand if Ayano felt tempted to do her own fix-it of that. Feels like it's her saying, "If Masaki wanted revenge for being done dirty by a family member, this is how it'd go." It takes parental abuse and child kidnapping for Masaki to actually wish for something this serious. That's how far it'd have to go for it to taint his thoughts even when he's in the dojo, to the point he loses sight of himself for a moment and misses the target.

But anyway, back to the scene at hand. Masaki's desire to have his brother back feels more like a curse than a prayer to him at this point, but there’s someone who can break it. That’s why he doesn’t want this someone to look at him with “those eyes”. It's not just Masaki who has a healing effect on Minato—Minato, too, has a healing effect on Masaki. Again, everything is mutual and equal in this relationship. But Masaki can't afford to be healed just yet. He probably feels that if his hatred for his father dies out, it’s the same as giving up on finding his brother, and turning a blind eye to everything his father has done. However, Minato can hear what Masaki isn’t saying: “I wasn’t born for the sake of hating someone.” Masaki has made up his mind, but he actually wants out. He doesn’t hate his father because he wants to, but because he can’t help it. What he truly wishes for is that none of this was happening, and that his brother was there with him.

Minato knows that full well, so he nulls the fucking contract.

“Correction; I’m taking that back. What you said earlier isn’t valid. Masa-san is nothing but a perverted, shitty old man! That’s all!”

“Mi-Minato?”

“It’d be a problem if a Shinto priest says something like that and it happens to come true, yeah? I’ll go learn pro-wrestling. I’ll pin your arms behind your back and stop you.”

Masa-san blinked a few times, then burst out with a “pfft”. “That’s too much, Minato.”

“What’s too much?”

“Well, just everything. Just as I thought, my disciple is cute.”

“Hah? Don’t call me cute. And saying stuff like, ‘My birthday doesn’t matter’ even though everyone celebrates it with you... how can you spout something so selfish? There’s this thing my mom used to say. That a birthday is the day when people express gratitude to you for being born.”

“All right. My apologies. I will keep that in mind. I take back what I said a moment ago.”

“You’re talking like a middle schooler, Masa-san.”

“That’s rich coming from a little kid.”

“Don’t call me a little kid! I’m 16 and a second-year in high school!”

Masa-san laughed with a hand over his stomach.

——Isn’t that rude? I’m being serious here.

The bright red thing that had been surrounding Masa-san disappeared.

“Crimson lotus” was originally a Buddhist term, and the seventh of the Eight Hells, the “Hadoma Hell”, was also known as the “Crimson Lotus Hell”. It was said that those who fell into this hell would have their skin and flesh torn up from the excessive cold, thus their body would be dyed in the colors of fresh blood and suffer extreme pain. It was said that this made them look like a crimson lotus flower.

——I’m begging you, please don’t go away to that farthest north. Don’t disappear from my sight. Ever again.

So to break this one down, when Minato says “I take that back” and “what you said earlier isn’t valid”, he’s referring to Masaki’s declaration. He’s talking to the gods and telling them, “don’t listen to him, he doesn’t know better”. And then Masaki himself takes it back. The contract isn’t valid anymore, and even if Masaki tries to go through with it, Minato won’t let him.

It’s said earlier in the novel that breaking a contract with the gods isn’t easy. Once you put it into words, your fate is no longer in your hands. But Minato did it. Because if it’s Masaki, he can. Whatever concerns Masaki also concerns him. In that same scene, Masaki was thinking about how “First meetings are like the moon in an overcast night. Like a blink of peridot”, and then the Kazemai kids come to mind. This is a parallel to the ending of volume 1, where Minato tells Masaki about his grandfather's last words about him, and where first meetings are described as a “gift named coincidence, as if someone else had devised it”. This moment was a “gift from the gods” that Masaki received from the boys, all thanks to him meeting Minato.

Masaki bestows Minato with gifts, but he gets gifts in return.

This brings us back to “Greensleeves”. One of the many interpretations from the boys is that it’s a declaration of “I’ll hold your arms and stop you no matter how many times it takes, no matter how many times we’re reborn”. When Minato talks about pinning Masaki’s arms behind his back to stop him, that’s a direct reference to it. He’d already asserted in volume 1 that he’ll go after Masaki if Masaki dies, and now he’s asserting that he’ll go after Masaki into any number of next lives. This implies they’ve been through multiple reincarnation cycles together. Of course it’s not just You and Eddie who have known each other from past lives. No way that the author would introduce the concept of reincarnation only to limit it to secondary characters. None of this started now—it was, again, “devised from the very beginning”.

So if you put Minato's statemens together, what you get is: “If you die, I’ll go after you, and I’ll find you and hold onto you again.”

Minato is literally saying he’ll be with Masaki forever, beyond the borders of time. His grandmother asked Masaki to take care of him forever, Ren asked Minato to take care of Masaki, and now Minato is saying that Masaki doesn’t even have a choice—he will take care of Masaki whether Masaki wants it or not. All in all, I think Masaki isn’t completely free yet, but this is the first step to getting rid of his “curse”. I don’t know how many people realize that this means the fucking world to him. Minato is helping him pull himself out of his own personal hell, and I firmly believe that, in this moment, he thought the same thing that Minato did during his “proposal”. That he's no match for him.

Fuck me sideways.

Next thing we know, the boys are at the prefecturals. Masaki once again sweeps Minato’s thoughts during Kazemai’s turn.

“The pure of heart were fragrant. He knew with every inch of his body that this was no metaphor. Whenever he brought his face close to the owner of the fragrance, he was ecstatic. He could hear a whisper saying, ‘I want to let it intoxicate me for good; I wouldn’t mind even sinking to the bottom of a lake if it would mean that I can keep him to myself’, but those were the words of a demon. He must not fall for the sweet talk of the one who bore the same face as himself.”

Ex-fucking-scuse me, but why the fuck does this sound like a scientifically accurate description of what being in love is like from a biology standpoint? Feeling ecstatic whenever he comes closer to Masaki and is able to smell his scent? Is that fucking pheromones or what? Hello???

Amazing how literally all of Minato’s internal struggle in this volume consist of him trying not to give in to his desire of monopolizing Masaki. And my God, boy would go some crazy lengths for that desire. I've said this in an ask reply before, but I need to reiterate that it's just delightful how Minato's whole deal isn't whether or not he wants to cross the line with Masaki. It's that he does want to cross the line and he fully acknowledges it. He even seems to believe that he'll get what he wants if he pushes hard enough. But he won't cross the line because he "mustn’t fall victim to temptation". I mean, regardless of the nature of it (be it romantic or platonic or whatever), that is temptation, undebatably. It’s quite literally being presented as such by the narrative.

Masaki is very much tailored to Minato’s tastes, interests and necessities, we been knew, but this also means he’s Minato’s probation. He says earlier in this volume that being human comes with basic necessities, like hunger, sleep and libido, and that there’s no need to try to eliminate them from our lives. What we need to do is not to exaggerate—in other words, to fight back greed. Minato has to resist the urge to take Masaki for himself, 'cause that’s the only thing he’s greedy about.

Yeah, that checks it out. Minato is a carnivore, all right.

What also checks out is that MasaMina covers up depictions of all five senses. There are very specific things between them that correspond to the five senses, plus the two being gifted with sixth sense.

Hearing: tsurune, Masaki's laugh, and now meigen

Taste: coffee

Smell: the above-mentioned scene

Sight: always looking at each other and wanting each other's attention, plus the dozens of references to each other's eyes

Touch: two normally-not-tacticle little bitches have a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad time whenever they're unable to touch each other for an extended period, what the fuck is this novel

Yes, Ayano went Six Base Senses on us. MasaMina is Buddhism too, guys. Just gotta love that it’s not even a matter of whether Minato wants to cross the line or not—he does, and his whole arc in this volume is about him trying his best not to do that.

Bonus: one more thing from this scene that doesn't translate well is the sentence “bows and humans—a world for just the two of them”. This is very ambiguous in English. It might sound like “two of them” refers to a person and their bow, but in Japanese, the word used means specifically “two people”. Minato is thinking about Masaki here. No one else would make any contextual sense.

“Masa-san, there’s something I wanna tell you. I want you to listen without laughing.” Goddamn. That is one fucking way to start the second section of the last chapter.

So Minato has had a strange experience years ago but could never tell anyone about it, because Seiya would think he’s gone crazy and Ryouhei would dismiss it as a dream. Coincidentally, Masaki also has had a supernatural experience that he’s never told anyone before. For the millionth time, they entrust each other with a secret.

Minato has had an episode of sleep paralysis as a child. It was on Setsubun, the day on which Japanese people traditionally throw beans outside their houses to ward off evil spirits. He was feeling particularly out of it on that day and had no memory of the previous one—might very well be an indication that the veil was thin in that occasion and Minato was feeling the effects of it. During the sleep paralysis, he heard six sci-fi movie-like sounds shooting past him.

Masaki in turn tells him about the time when he fell into deep depression because of the whole thing with his brother and grandfather. He was sent by his mother to a temple to recuperate, but just kept having suicidal thoughts every single day, until he heard a voice from above the left side of his head saying, “all right”. Someone on Japanese Twitter pointed out that this the position of the head of the family in a family altar. That was Akihiro cheering him on. Masaki wanted to disappear, to never wake up again after going to sleep, but when he thought of his family, he couldn’t afford to take his own life. So he didn’t. He just continued doing his best, and Akihiro was seeing it all from the other side. This was also acknowledgement—the acknowledgement from his master that he longed so much for. That’s when he began to get better.

Not sure if Minato understands any of this. But their reaction is once again to look at each other and smile.

“Gives you kind of a weird sense of empathy, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, that’s true. You can tell other people about this day when the time is right—when your words are filled with your truth.”

This moment is described as a “secret between master and disciple”, but the word “secret” in this case isn’t the commonplace 秘密. Nope, it’s 秘め事, which is, more often than not, used as an euphemism for “secret love maneuvers”. Deliberate, deliberate.

Please kindly go fuck yourself, Queen.

The six sounds Minato heard on that day come back to him during the last match of the final tournament. They are distinguishable from one another and take the form of “arrows of light”, piercing through his body from his head into the ground. It’s implied that these sounds are “meigen”. This might very well be the boys’ shots, plus Masaki’s, taking on a spiritual form and traveling through time and space to reach Minato, after he has found his “truth”. Maybe from a past life, where they did the Meigen Ceremony together, or maybe from something else that they will do in the future.

The shots are apparently compared to dragons in flight by the narrative, and it’s even suggested that they might have colors. The reason why they come separately in bouts of three might be a reference to the ultimate goal of Japanese archery (truth, goodness and beauty), as well as the three sounds that define a good shot (sae, tsurune and matooto). Can’t forget the references to Buddhism. Six is probably the most recurrent number in it, and Masaki even talks to Minato about the six realms, six senses and six cycles of reincarnation earlier.

People are shouting, “all right, all right” as the boys hit the targets, one “all right” for each of them. But Minato can hear a sixth “all right” immediately before the arrows of light hit him. Perhaps that was his mother.

Minato thinks to himself, “The days I’ve spent with you. The days I’ll spend with you from now on. Who am I supposed to thank for this happiness?” The “you” is in singular form, meaning he’s thinking about Masaki.

Kazemai is once again associated with the sun as the boys are described as “those who gather under the sun” and “heading towards a bright place”. They are depicted as dying and being reborn, becoming babies and growing up all over again, and at the end of that process, they will become true adults (saints) once they’re able to embrace even those whom they despise. Minato is very much on the way for that, as he despises neither Takumi, who literally almost kills him later, nor Eisuke for being a general dickhead or the twins for picking on him. He also was never depicted as hating the driver who killed his mother or the one who almost killed Masaki—this wasn’t ever even mentioned, and instead, he blamed himself for being the one who got the long end of the stick in both situations. And by the looks of it, he doesn’t hate Masaki’s dad for everything he’s done to Masaki and his family, either. He treats everyone equally.

“The sun was in itself a form of unconditional love. It shone down on everyone equally—both the good and the bad. The Japanese called that star Amaterasu Oomikami.”

Minato recalls his most recent encounter with Saionji, where he has given his answer to the Heart Sutra. Saionji basically tells him that he’s in the right track. This, added to his monologue above, makes me think that maybe. Just fucking maybe. Minato is always able to forgive everyone and everything because thanks to all of it he’s been able to meet and spend time with Masaki. So he’s grateful for both the good and bad things in his life.

The boys then go back, in their own heads, to the day they heard “Greensleeves” at the park. Seiya is thinking about what he was going to say to Kaito under that tree, meaning that Kaito is Greensleeves to him. Ryouhei probably has his sister in mind, as he had a two-page monologue about her in an earlier chapter. Nanao is also thinking about Kaito and how he gave him strength to not give up his position as regular. Kaito is most likely reminiscing to the monologue he had when chasing after Seiya. And Minato is speaking to his mother about the meaning of the song to him.

Minato’s interpretation of “Greensleeves” is that it’s a song where a master asks his disciple for the answer to a problem, and then smiles when the disciple answers. The problem: “Mind giving a reply to my marriage proposal?” The answer: “I’ll go learn pro-wrestling. I’ll pin your arms behind your back and stop you.”

Yep, that’s right. The “pro-wrestling” thing is one more of the many word plays of this novel. In Japanese, the words “pro-wrestling” and “proposal” sound very similar. Minato could’ve just said he’ll hold Masaki’s arms and stop him. He didn’t have to mention pro-wrestling. But he did so because Ayano wanted us to associate “puroresu” with “puropozu”. She wanted us to remember the marriage proposal scene when reading this part, because that was Minato’s answer to it.

In Japanese culture, if it wasn’t already obvious enough, you say things without really saying them. In Zen martial arts, this also applies, because everyone has to find their own answer to the problems and doubts they encounter along the way. And in romantic relationships, too (throwback to the Souseki anecdote).

Masaki reveals to Minato the darkest truth about himself and shows Minato his ugliest side, then basically asks him, “So what are you gonna do with that, now that you know?” (proposal) and Minato’s answer is “I’ll take care of you” (pro-wrestling). Roundabout as can be, this is intentional. This bullshit is very well concealed in all these word plays and cryptic expressions because it’s supposed to hit you like a truck when you realize what they truly mean. Just like it hits Masaki like a truck back then. He most likely understood what Minato was really saying. Fundamentally, Minato was telling Masaki that he loves him without directly saying “I love you”.

The moon is fucking beautiful, huh.

And then Masaki laughs. The master asks, the disciple answers and the master smiles in response. “Greensleeves” has now come full cycle. This is also an ultimate Zen moment because Minato was essentially accepting everything that Masaki is, even the worst of him. This is quite literally a promise—a contract that Minato has made with him.

You know what else is also a contract?

It’s not a marriage proposal... but it is, actually. Those are not marriage vows... but they are, actually. Ayano is fucking with us.

She’s fucking even more in the following paragraph:

“Attraction towards the opposite sex and affection between parents and children are biological desires based on the prosperity of offspring, and it is not so difficult to love someone who has been kind to you. True friendship is beautiful and hard to earn. Those who walk the same path, master and disciple, are also friends. The only difference is that one is going ahead and the other behind, but the two of them continue on a never-ending journey together.”

So, before anyone goes “we’ve been BroTP’d” again, Ayano is affirming here that friendship is also an aspect of Masaki and Minato’s relationship, specifically, and that this is purer and more beautiful than love between couples or family. Now, what exactly is the extent of “friendship” here? Welp, traditionally, in Japan, “friendship” includes a lot of things. If we look back into Edo or Heian, both periods of Japanese history that are constantly referenced in Tsurune, “friendship” between men often included courting for a certain period. Especially between master and disciple. This was actually the common sense back then.

Yes, I’m talking about Shudo. I’m also losing my fucking mind, so bear with me here.

Ayano is definitely aware of the whole wakashu thing. This woman knows her history, okay? The “monk” jokes about Masaki aren’t for nothing. Monks used to work as Shinto priests as well back in the day and vice-versa, for Shinto and Buddhism were intimately connected for a long time. There’s also the ceremony that the boys participate for the Star Festival in volume 2, which, according to Masaki, was performed by chigo in the past. Chigo aren’t a thing anymore, of course, but this seemingly unnecessary comment indicates that, if this were a few centuries ago, Minato would’ve been a chigo and he and Masaki would obligatorily be in a relationship.

Now, remember the past lives theory? If Masaki and Minato have been master and disciple in their past lives, then they have been in relationships with each other in all of the lives where both of them were born as men. But that also means they had to marry a woman later on, because those were the times. In that paragraph, Ayano is quite literally saying that, regardless of who they marry, whatever they felt/will feel for their partners doesn’t hold a candle to what they feel for each other. "All women are beautiful, but only my disciple is cute."

But what would have happened if one of them was born as the opposite sex, you may ask. Amaterasu and Tsukuyomi all over again, probably. Minato is non-binary on the inside, so he would probably see and treat Masaki the exact same way and there would still be friendship between them.

Besides, once again, this is deliberate wording. “The two will go on a never-ending journey together”, “a world for just the two of them”, etc. Why do these sentences refer only to Minato and Masaki? Masaki isn’t Minato’s only master and Minato isn’t Masaki’s only student, so why does the narrative act like only the two of them matter here?

Japanese Twitter has speculated about this too. The conclusion is that maybe this is Ayano enforcing the concept of soulmates, and perhaps even of twin rays and twin flames. It’s often brought up how similar Masaki and Minato are, and twin flames/rays is based on the idea that each soul has its own frequency, which complies with the theory that “the world is made up of tsurune”. Not to mention the whole fate element and the implications that they’ve known each other from past lives. It honestly sometimes feels like the author is trying to say that Minato and Masaki are just one soul dwelling in different bodies or two separate souls that were once one. And they’re not the only characters who are implied to have a “half”—it’s very obvious that there’s a bunch of pairs in this story, and it’s not for nothing. Most likely, what Ayano means here is that Minato and Masaki will go in a never-ending journey not just regarding archery, but regarding life in general, including future next lives.

Ayano is being pretty realistic here too, because there are lots of little gay ships in Tsurune, but they will never be canon. MasaMina and KaiSei might have a veeery slim chance, but probably won’t either. Yet she’s laying the foundation that no matter who they end up with, their friendship is many steps above it. Have to admire her completely crushing the dreams of fans who ship themselves with the characters, lol. “He will never love you as much as he loves this other guy”, basically.

So in short, Masaki and Minato are master and student, which means they’re also friends. They’re sorta like siblings by default as well, and act like a married couple. All of this fits Amaterasu and Tsukuyomi just right. It also fits what Ayano says in the afterword about liking things that “are in-between” and “waver”—things that “can’t be put into a mold or categorized”. You really can’t put this relationship into a mold because it’s in all molds at the same time. It’s Everything and nothing at once. An optimal relationship from a Zen standpoint. A truthful, good and beautiful relationship.

The ultimate ideal.

Speaking of ideal, Masaki and Minato’s relationship is, in itself, the ultimate Zen ideal. I’m not just talking about how their dynamics literally follow the same flow as of Japanese archery, but also their relationship is the pinacle of what Zen standards consider to be pure. Minato never asked to be Masaki’s disciple and Masaki never offered to teach him. It just happened naturally, just like how they got into archery. Before they realized, they were doing it. Minato simply asked how Masaki was able to shoot so beautifully and told him about his target panic. Masaki, in turn, revealed that he also suffered from target panic in the past. And that was that. The next time Minato came to the dojo, Masaki started teaching him. Unprompted, unsolicited—directly, at least.

Minato needed to be taught and Masaki needed to teach.

So, back to this volume. The tournament ends and so nearly does Minato’s life. Another gift from God is bestowed upon him as Masaki saves his ass from imminent death for the nth time. Dramatic as fuck, like always. Yet he still says “excuse me” before shooting the allergenic into Minato’s tight, what a gentleman. Seiya’s reaction was priceless, I gotta say.

Masaki going after Takumi was kind of a shocker when I first read volume 3, but after reading it again in order to make this post, it was actually to be expected (notice that I'm saying "expected", not "okay", because that shit wasn't okay at fucking all). He has a lot of pent-up anger, but even if he didn’t, he’d never forgive anyone who puts his students in danger, let alone in a near-death situation like that. 'Cause Minato would have died if Masaki didn’t have that syringe with him. Minato, on the other hand, hasn’t yet learned pro-wrestling, but as promised, he comes to stop Masaki and shows that he, too, can be extra as fuck.

The afterword is packed with MasaMina this time around. Not just the confirmation of non-binary Minato and the uncategorizable things part, but also Masaki being described as someone who is human yet not. She really just up and said it, huh. Masaki is in-between the realm of people and the realm of gods, and more than once did he almost cross over to the gods’ side, but Minato was there to hold onto his arms and stop him. As Ayano herself puts it, she wrote this story because there are people whom she wanted to stop and keep by her side, and this shows in the way she writes about the main relationships of the story, especially MasaMina.

There’s also the way she describes what Tsurune is about—“this is a story of master and disciple and of bow friends”. The fact that she felt the need to clarify this and place “master and disciple” first speaks volumes about how this woman views her own story. This feels like another tiny act of rebellion against the anime, which makes it all about bow friends and barely shows any of the master and disciple aspect. Heck, it barely shows Masaki at all, period.

And like, this isn't even a matter of being salty about a fandom favorite getting sidelined, although that alone is already valid enough of a complaint in my opinion. It's also about the essence of keiko and how it simply doesn't work without the active participation of a master. It makes the whole thing seem to be about knowledge and practice (sport), when actually contemplation and looking inside oneself plays a much bigger role (art). Not to mention that it gives people the wrong idea about what the story and its characters are supposed to be. I've had people straight-up try to argue with me that Tsurune is about the main five boys and Masaki is secondary. I think we can finally put to that discussion to sleep, now that the author herself has spoken.

Tsurune-centric accounts on Japanese Twitter usually have the words "original work" in their bios. There's a reason for that, and it's the same reason why AO3 has separate tags for the Tsurune novel and the Tsurune anime. Even if we ever get to see volume 3 animated, it will only be as loose of an adaptation as can be, and we'll continue to get more and more anime-original content. I hope next time, if we ever get a next time, Masaki won't be borderline ignored again.

But he probably will, and that's what this post is for.

I hope this has clarified some things about volume 3. As I have already announced, I'm planning on making more analysis on other things that I wasn't able to include here because this post is already enough of a monstrosity as it is. I'll see you guys in the next ones!

Okay already.

Y’all are really damn eager for it, so here you have it: the infamous List of Erased Gay, AKA a glimpse of how we could be having it all if KyoAni weren’t doing us so dirty this year, Tsurune edition. The Violet Evergarden edition seems to have left a big impression, so maybe this listing will become a thing.

Then again, along with the canon gay that we lost, we gained a lot of anime-only shippy service that is not only weirdly fixated on Minato alone but also ruins the nature of many characters. KyoAni has been outright baffling this year in how little it understands the novels that it has been adapting, and even more in how proficient it has become in destroying the main relationships of each title. All in all, the personalities and purposes of the main characters have been severely altered, and there has been a disturbing trend (not only in Tsurune, but also in Violet Evergarden and Liz to Aoi Tori) of making the protagonists obsess with someone who apparently does only the minimum for them and being lukewarm with the people that seemingly care more for their wellbeing.

That’s not what any of these novels are about.

But since this post is centered on Tsurune, I’ll only talk about how the aforementioned major flaws apply to it. That boils down to KyoAni erasing most of what Masaki did for Minato and about 85% of the scenes they had together, replacing it with additional scenes without much purpose involving other characters. For whatever incomprehensible reason, KyoAni is hellbent on enhancing Minato’s relationship with everyone except the person he has the strongest bond with in the books, and a lot of you guys seemed to notice this. So, in order to address the cringeworthy disaster that the Tsurune anime has become, I’m naming this one as the List of Erased and Misplaced Gay.

Had to put it under a cut because of how long it got. While we’re at it, please consider reading the novel translations.

Keep reading

#tsurune #the tsurune bible

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jshookthighs · 2 years ago

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I absolutely love your writing for Corey!!

I was wondering if you have written something about how he'd take care of his partner on their period? I'm currently on mine and it's never been this intense:( if you have totally ignore this <3

Ah thank you <3 I am so glad you're enjoying what I'm putting out! I as so grateful to you and everyone else's kind words

I actually just finished mine (is that TMI??) so I was literally thinking about this same thing so I'm glad someone else brought it up!

Aunt Flo Visits (aka Period Time):

(I'm sorry but this gif is always what I think about when I think about my period)

ANYWAYS:

So I'm sure many of us know that feeling when you wake up and you pull back the covers and you see that red splotch underneath you. It's embarrassing I know, but not to Corey. No sir, he's already placing a gentle kiss on your forehead before herding you into the bathroom and asking for your soiled pajamas. After you change, he's gingerly undressing the bed and starting up the laundry. Then he's joining you in the bathroom to start a warm bath for you. He refuses to let you feel ashamed of your natural body function.

He is a provider with a capital P - anything you want he is getting it. Do you need more tampons? Pads? How about a case of your favorite drink and a bag full of your favorite snacks? You don't even have to ask he's already got it. He's such a mother hen, but that's because he can't stand knowing you're uncomfortable so he's making sure he does everything he can to make your week just a bit better.

Whenever the cramps start up, doesn't matter if they're minor or if they feel like they'll tear you apart, he's right there to scoop you up in his arms and place his warm palms over your stomach. Plus he's always carrying a bottle of pampering during this time so he can just whip out some pills if you need that extra comfort. He's also not afraid of blood at all so he's totally down to... ya know... go down on you to make you feel better. He read in an online article that pleasure can make you feel better and help with cramps - and he just wants to make you feel better sooooooo yeah he already has a towel on the bed. Go ahead and hope on, sweetheart. Corey's gonna make it all better <3

Sorry this was so short - but overall, Corey is a great caregiver and will just hang the moon in order to make shark week bearable for you // Plus he's a killer so blood is never gonna be gross or an issue with stains. I mean with his strict mother and his messy side hobby, the boy knows how to do laundry and destroy a stain - it'll be as if it never happened

#corey cunningham #corey cunningham headcanons #corey cunningham x reader #ask box #halloween ends

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belphies-cuhm-sluht · 4 years ago

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Can i request the Brothers with mc who is shy and likes to hide behind them when there scared.

Brothers With A Shy GN!MC (Headcanons)

Lucifer

He wanted to start taking you with him to his meetings with Lord Diavolo. You were important to him, just as Lord Diavolo was, and he liked having the two most important people in his life in the same room. Plus, having you there would help make him feel a little less stressed and way less overwhelmed by the way that Lord Diavolo acted.

Walking to the castle was one thing, his fingers slid between your own and holding your hand tightly. He could have just zapped the two of you to the castle, but he really enjoyed the calm, quiet walks he had with you. When the two of you got to the castle, he didn’t even realize at first that you were slowly inching your way further and further behind his back. Barbatos wasn’t exactly scary, he just gave off this… vibe… it was hard to put your finger on.

Once Lord Diavolo came out though, that’s when he noticed that his arm was now completely bent behind his back, as were you, and you were holding his hand so tightly, if you were any stronger you’d probably cut off the circulation in his fingers.

He held up his finger to Lord Diavolo, silently asking for a second so that he could talk to you in private, pulling you to the side and out of earshot of everyone else in the room. His smile was soft and warm as he listened to you, nodding slowly and thinking of ways that he could make this easier for you.

“If you’d like to go back to the house, I absolutely understand, dear. I wouldn’t mind keeping you on my lap though, if that would make you feel better. Whatever makes you comfortable, I’ll do it for you.”

Mammon

You were unsure whether he was capable of being shy. It would probably be strange for someone like him to feel that way. He was a model, he was in magazines, he had photoshoots lined up for the next year and a half. You never questioned whether he felt that way because he never gave you a reason to. He was outgoing, boisterous, and easily excitable.

His modeling gigs were a big thing for him, something that he wanted you to be a part of as well. Not in front of the camera obviously, well, unless you wanted to be in the pictures with him. The main reason he didn’t want you to be in the magazines with him though is because he didn’t want any other demons looking at you. Not that he’d ever have to worry about that.

He walked into the warehouse with you, the lights were bright and everything was… so much… It was a lot to take in. You didn’t know how he could possibly handle that at all, so much attention, it seemed scary. Showing you around wasn’t bad, but then he started introducing you to people and you couldn’t handle that. You slowly moved to stand behind Mammon, holding onto his shirt and trying to hide your face in his back. He turned around to look at you, kind of confused with the way you were acting. Your voice was low and timid as you explained and his eyes went soft as he started dragging you towards the exit.

“I didn’t know yer that shy, babe. I wouldn’ta pulled ya out here if I did. We’re goin’ back home, I didn’t need those pics anyway. Come on.”

Leviathan

If there was anyone as shy as you were, it was Levi. The guy hated leaving the house and being in public settings as much as you did, but when it came up that he was meeting with a couple of the demons that he played online with and he wanted you to come you almost choked on your water.

Of all the brothers, you never once expected that he’d be the one who wanted you to go out and be around people that you didn’t know at all, like, not even one little bit. You had heard him talk to these people so many times, but you didn’t know one thing about them, and now you were supposed to sit at a restaurant with like, five of them and stay the entire time? You were already slightly panicking just at the thought of it.

You were practically shaking as the both of you walked up to the restaurant, scooching further and further behind Levi until you couldn’t be seen by anyone in front of him, and hopefully by none of his friends either. He took a second to look around the restaurant, spotting his friends who all waved in his direction, and then he looked beside himself only to see that you weren’t there. Mini panic attack, but once he sees you behind him he lets out a sigh of relief, shoving his hands in his pockets while looking back and forth between you and the table full of his online friends.

He didn’t waste a minute, shaking his head to his friends before walking back out of the restaurant with you next to him instead of behind him.

“I didn’t want to be there either. We’ll order Akudonalds… marathon an anime, alright? Just the two of us. We’re never doing something like that again.”

Satan

Interacting with people was such a hassle, and he felt like he lost half of his IQ points whenever he had to even be around any other than you and certain brothers that he can actually tolerate. That’s why when Lucifer told him about some silly formal event at Lord Diavolos castle, he did everything, literally everything to try to get out of it.

Much to both of your disappointments, there was nothing either of you could do to not go. To Satan it sounded lame, and to you, it sounded absolutely awful. Having to get dressed up and be around a bunch of people, a bunch of demons who probably didn’t like you in the first place because you were a human. Nope, it sounded like a nightmare and you’d very much like to take a sick day and just not go.

The both of you walked into the castle, arm in arm. The main foyer was already packed with demons dressed in their finest, and even if they weren’t looking at you, it sure as hell felt like they were. It was hard to move behind Satan's back with the way your arms were connected, but that didn’t stop you from unhooking your arm and moving behind him anyway. You didn’t want to be looked at by anyone but him, and now he was definitely looking at you.

Explaining to him was easy, and while he obviously cared about how you felt right now, it was also a great excuse to get out of there.

“I promise, when we get back to the house, we’ll sit by the fire in the library, and I’ll read to you all the books you want me to. But first…thank you for this wonderful reason to not have to be here. Let’s go.”

Asmodeus

The two of you were polar opposites in the social department, and while most people would think that would be a problem, it was actually really nice. You balanced each other out, and he was always mindful of how you felt in social settings.

Taking walks with him wasn’t something that you could do often considering he was a high profile demon, basically celebrity status. On the very rare occasion that you could walk together down the streets of the Devildom, he and you took full advantage of it. You knew that you didn’t have a lot of time to enjoy it though, there would always be the one fan who would cause a scene, and then a mob of other demons would start running in your direction and he’d quickly have to get you home. It wasn’t all that bad, but it did become irritating and having that many people come at you at once was always a nightmare.

This walk was no different, and as soon as you saw the first demon, heard the first squeal, you shifted yourself to stand behind him, squeezing your eyes shut and waiting for it all to end. You felt his hand reach back to grab your own, comforting you as he dealt with the fans that had circled you.

He turned to you as soon as they were dispersed, smiling sweetly at you as he brushed his thumb across your cheek.

“Perhaps next time we’ll take a stroll through the garden instead. How does that sound, my love? Just the two of us, under the stars… I’ll pick your outfit and everything! We’ll both look beautiful!”

Beelzebub

Being the center of attention wasn’t a big deal to him, it neither made him happy or upset him. His ability to focus on something that was most important to him and completely ignore the world around him was a gift, one that you wished that you could obtain.

His favorite places were either being with you and Belphie, or being at the gym, and he came up with the sweetest idea that instead of having his two favorite things at two different times, why not just bring his favorite people to his favorite place?! To him it was the best idea he’s ever had, but to you it was the craziest thing you’ve ever heard. The gym? With a bunch of other demons? Demons who might look at you? Absolutely not. You were still adjusting to being with Beel in the same room as Belphie when it was movie night… and you knew the guy!

Of course, you loved Beel, so you weren’t going to turn down his offer, especially since he seemed so happy about it. It wouldn’t hurt to test the waters a little bit, try to get used to things. No harm in trying… right? Wrong. As soon as you got in, everyone in the place came up to Beel, asking him about weights and spotting and a bunch of other gym things that you couldn’t even focus on because the only thing you could hear more clearly than their words was your heart pounding in your chest.

He could see you move behind him out of the corner of his eye and he felt bad… he felt really bad. He didn’t even question you until he got you out of the gym and back to the house.

“I’m sorry, honey… I’ll have a rest day, and I’ll spend it here with you. We can have snacks and movies, or we can just… snuggle…? Would you like that?”

Belphegor

This man hated being out in public probably more than you did. Not because he was particularly shy, he just hated people that weren’t you or Beel. It was a logical reason, one that you understood, and you didn’t blame him for it. You’d much rather stay in the attic with him all day than have to actually face anyone.

His brothers had different plans for the both of you, and by his brothers, it was just Mammon who wanted to spend time with his little brother. You were all for staying home while Mams took Belphie out, but he refused to let you stay home. If he had to leave the house, so did you. Neither of you were happy about it, but Mammon seemed so excited, and Belphie found out that he didn’t have to pay for anything, so it might actually be worth it… might. He’s not banking on it.

Apparently there was a fair going through the Devildom and Mammon thought that it would be something that Belphie would like… all the noise and lights and… He actually thought it was something that Belphie would enjoy. It’s the thought that counts though, and Mammon really wanted to spend time with Belphie so you couldn’t hate the guy for trying by good god the place was packed. It was awful, and it was loud, and there were people everywhere. It was a nightmare on steroids, the only thing worse would be having to make a public speech in front of all these people.

You didn’t just hide behind Belphie’s back, you got behind him and wrapped your arms as tightly around him as you possibly could, not wanting to get swept away in the sea of people. What better way than to become a statue in the middle of the walk way? He chuckled softly, patting your hands as he called out to Mammon to tell him he was going home before turning around and walking leaving the fairgrounds.

“Don’t change. Never change… and go with me everywhere my brothers force me to go… okay? I really like having you around.”

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binniesthighs · 4 years ago

Text

dear anon, sweet anon, thank you so much for requesting this <3 i didn’t know that i needed it in my life and now...here it is;) IT WAS SO FUN hehe

melt in your mouth | reader x jisung

Pairing: self insert, gender neutral reader x han jisung

Genre: that good good smut

Summary: After hearing a rather interesting story about a certain brand of chocolate aphrodisiacs, your curiosity gets the best of you and your friend’s roommate, Jisung.....a spin off of bites like bittersweet

Word count: 3.7k

*photocreds to OP!

{see below for tags, nsfw and warnings!}

Tags: aphrodisiac au, somewhat friends to lovers, hints of mutual pining, bestfriend!seungmin, seungmin’sroommate!jisung, hardswitch!jisung, hardswitch!reader, explicit language, mentions of food/eating, hand stuff (r &m), degredation, petnames, dirty talk, unprotected sex (stay safe cuties), creampie, voyeurism, and we love a plot twist ;)

~💋~

two flavors seemed excessive. one flavor seemed like just enough. you didn’t want to break the bank or anything on something that was likely crappy quality or potentially psychedelic; even worse, it could be both.

“and you want to try these with me why?” seungmin pushed his wire-framed glasses up his nose bridge and scrunched it up. he inspected the paper wrapper with a skeptical glare. the design itself was anything but trustworthy: in swirly cursive pink font, the name Cherri Amore and under it, a absurdly large lipstick mark with the outline of a couple doing what must have been fucking “spread eagle.”

seungmin muttered, leaning over the counter of the dingy kitchen he shared with his roommates, “proven aphrodiasiac and libido booster...? y/n, sorry, i just--i’m fucking lost here--”

“--ever heard of trying something for the hell of it seung??” you snatched the bar from his hand. “the review that i read online said that it made them crazy fucking horny, so much so that they fucked their best friend of something like five years or something like that. isn’t that insane?!”

your best friend’s eyes blew out with his mouth aghast, “what the hell?? shit--of course you’d find something insane on the internet like this and drag me into it...”

in your incredulous laugher, you threw your neck back so hard it hurt a little. “loosen up! it’s probably a scam or something. plus...if it does work on us...don’t act like i haven’t caught you in the act before...”

seungmin, ever the angel, flushed a shade of fuchsia you thought inhumanly possible for someone to attempt. “that-that wasn’t--that wasn’t what you thought it was!!!” he cast away the chocolate bar as if it were his dick on the very night that you had walked in on something that was supposedly not what it looked like.

“relax!” you punched your embarrassed friend on the arm which he dramatically rubbed into. “it’s not a sin to jerk off or anything. hell, i do it....obviously.”

seungmin chuckled out unsteadily, “well, um, what if it does work then, what do we do?”

you snickered, “ha! hell if i know. cross that bridge when we get there?”

“so what you’re saying is...this could either be a massive waste of our time, or, both of us get so stupidly turned on that we decide to have sex....with eachother?”

“that’s the gist i’m getting.” you took to the corner of the shiny pink paper wrapping at the corner. “but...who said that we had to fuck or anything...?”

from fuchsia to nearly scarlet, seungmin averted his eyes at the speed of light.

“seung!!! do you have something to tell me?!” your teasing grin spread wide and you lifted your hand to give your adorable friend a clap on the back.

“i’m just repeating what you said!!”

you broke the bar open, cracking off the first square on the counter with a solid snap. with a smirk, you offered it to your friend. he reached out, only to nearly jump out of his skin when the old-timey ringtone from his phone erupted in the hollow kitchen.

“shit.” he murmured under his breath, pulling it out and immediately pressing the call button upon seeing the caller. “h-hello? yeah? wait, wait...slow down...the cultures did what?! and you have to start over?? shit--”

before you could have anything to do with it, your friend was already throwing on his sneakers and sky blue raincoat. “sorry, y/n but i have to go. that was my co-worker, they said that something went bad with the incubator, and all of the cultures are ruined, and there’s the stupid lab meeting in the morning--”

“i’m gonna pretend that i understood everything you said.” you hung at the doorway to the kitchen, observing him trip over pairs of shoes and other random-ass college-aged boy items. “you only get a pass because i have a feeling that the coworker we’re talking about here is the cute one.”

your friend rolled his eyes, mouthing a reluctant, “yes.”

“fine then. we can try the chocolates another time.”

“fine--sure--” seungmin grabbed for the handle, “sorry. again.”

~💋~

you felt like the chocolate bar was taunting you, just sitting there opened with two squares all ready for the eating. oddly, you really couldn’t figure out exactly why you had wanted to try them in the first place. for a second, the guilt and loneliness started to seep through and it felt sticky, pathetic, and stung like thorns right into your breaths.

“fuck it.” you whispered under your breath, swiping them all up and walking over to the trash can.

“whatcha got there?” a voice entered the room attached to one of seungmin’s roommates, jisung.

the two of you had met many times in passing, and you had shared enough small talk to consider him somewhat of an acquaintance. from what you had gathered about the boy, he spent much too much time in his room working on his animations and was the dictionary definition of one of those cocky-assholes you had a soft spot for.

“jisung--hey. it’s...it’s nothing. something stupid that i blew my money on.”

“let me see.” he crossed the room, looking wired and overtired as usual.

from staring at his screen for so long his eyes bagged with dark circles, but somehow it made him look mischievous, or something like that. his muscle tank had been cut low to reveal his sides and ribs which flared when he grabbed for the bar of chocolate.

“huh.” he scoffed, “i’ve seen like, infomercials for these things. you were going to try it?”

“yeah...i-i mean--no...i was.”

“what’s stopping you? not curious anymore?”

“window of opportunity passed.”

“i don’t think so.” he grinned, matter of a fact. “i like chocolate.”

you couldn’t quite believe what was being said to you at first. jisung, the boy that you barely knew, was standing there with his goofy heart-shaped smile and all, holding libido boosters and asking you to take them with him.

“you do know what those are, right? what they could do?”

immediately, he popped one in his mouth, nearly like it was a challenge. “empahsis on the “could.””

he held them closer to you, prompting you to take the remaining square which was flecked with little red hard-candy looking bits.

“fine then. you’re right. what they could do.” you downed the candy, crunching it and finding that the quality was certainly not a guarantee. the thing itself tasted halfway between a tootsie roll and cold medicine. “fuck.”

jisung laughed, throwing the rest of the bar away.

“what did you that for?”

“i’m guessing whether they work or not, you might not need them anymore.”

your friend’s roommate slicked his hair back, and ruffled it over his dark eyes. his face was slightly puffed with exhaustion, but it didn’t make him any less handsome.

“so we wait now?” you asked, glancing at the clock.

“wanna order some food or something?” he smacked his lips, “i need a fucking chaser after that.”

~💋~

you didn’t know what time it was; late, probably. after a couple hours of realizing that nothing was really going to happen to you or your friend’s roommate, you had decided to stop expecting it. although, you had kind of hoped...

the sofa that the boys shared was just about as comfortable as you had remembered it. it was large enough to hold you and seungmin’s two roommates on better days, but, once again, random-ass college-boy stuff cluttered at least half of it. it was one of those “dumpster finds” and kind of smelled like a grandma’s house, but honestly, that was what made it so comfortable.

the tv carried on, playing some kind of animated movie that jisung had chosen claiming that the director was some kind of “god of animation and storytelling.” you liked the colors, but soon you felt yourself being lulled and drowsy: your head felt heavy simply resting on your shoulders.

your eyelids fogged, and the sounds from the tv set started to fade into inexistence. beside you, jisung had crossed his arms, but the lack of space had pressed both of your thighs together, and the warmth from his leg started to wash over your drowsy state. your head bobbed, swayed...then fell, directly onto his shoulder. had you been more lucid, you would have cared more.

“oh--” he jumped slightly, and shifted awkwardly.

the room darkened and soon all you could see was the thin line of light that your half-open eyes allowed.

“this-this can’t be comfortable for you.” jisung hushed and clicked the tv off. “hey, you should be heading to bed anyway, it’s late.”

“are you kicking me out, jisung?” you babbled, not really aware of your own words.

your friend’s roommate chuckled, straightening his posture to support you. “i’m not gonna make you walk back to your place at this time of night.”

“it’s only a couple of blocks--”

“--you’ve slept over here before, haven’t you?”

you stretched out your arms with a little squeak.

“yeah. on the couch.”

“you...can’t do that. you’d have to sleep in a fucking corkscrew if you did that.”

“yeah, i know.” you giggled, now finding yourself in a kind of stupor that made you wonder if the chocolates really were doing their job. “i’ll just take seung’s bed then--”

“--he’s! not back...yet.” jisung hugged his arms to himself. “i dunno, shouldn’t he have his bed when he comes back?” he cleared his throat, composing himself. “of course, there’s space in my bed if you’d like.”

“me? sleep with you?”

“yes, with me.” just as he had before, that little challenging edge coated his tone, “only if you’re comfortable i mean. i guess that i’m forgetting that the most that the two of us have shared yet is some wack-ass chocolate so, i shouldn’t be making any assumptions.”

“no, no!” you pounced off from the couch, reaching high to the ceiling to stretch out your sore back next. and, perhaps to let your shirt tuck up just a little bit as you did so. “i don’t have a problem with it.”

jisung nodded, grinning in the half-lit room, cleaning away to-go boxes. you had noticed before, but the way that his triceps tensed when he moved around was really just a little too distracting.

“you can head on in, but--be quieter about it. jeongin is sleeping in here.”

you clicked off a sleepy salute, following the hall down exactly where you had known his room to be, but you had never entered it before. it didn’t surprise you, but it was just as messy as the rest of the place was, and you had to tip-toe around god-knows what to find your way.

after tripping on something soft and sort of damp, (which you prayed was a shower-towel) you made your way to jisung and his face illuminated by the blue-glow of his phone screen where he had immediately jumped in bed after navigating through the room much more skillfully than you had.

“you have an issue if i sleep in my underwear?” you asked, realizing.

jisung paused, wide eyed, but quickly fell back into his casual and cocky smirk. “i mean, that’s basically what i’m doing so...”

“scooch over. i hope you’re not a blanket hogger or anything.”

the bed was already pleasantly warm from jisung having occupied it. it would have felt amazing if you had been as tired as you had been moments ago, but now your entire body felt horribly wide-awake.

“--and if you start to snore, i’m leaving you for the couch, got it?”

jisung let out an airy laugh, shifting and creaking the bed a bit under him, “i don’t snore...for your information.”

with the blankets pulled up to your nose, you turned to lay on your back, eyes finally adjusting to the darkness of the room. above you, the faint green glow of glow-in-the-dark stars sprinkled across the ceiling, making up constellations: from what you could make out, the big dipper was above jisung’s bed, and the little one was above jeongin’s, who peacefully slept with tiny breaths.

jisung rolled to the side, accidently brushing his bare leg against yours.

“night, y/n. sorry the chocolates didn’t work out. would’ve been kind of hilarious if they did.”

“psh.” you rolled over too, closing your eyes, “you saying you would’ve taken up the opportunity to get in my pants?”

“guess we’ll never know.” he sighed.

~💋~

birds chirped, signaling the coming sunrise what was nearly breaking upon the horizon, and filled with deep blue sky with a type of orange-glow. the room was dim and stuffy, and noticeably much hotter than you remembered it being before. over the course of the night, you had tangled your legs with the sheets, finding them trapping you between them, and you shuffled to escape them and feel the air hit your skin. they shifted, letting you feeling the sticky mess between your legs.

“what the--” the aching and heated desire made itself painfully obvious, soaking directly through your underwear, making a wet mess of them where you throbbed with an utterly unexplainable arousal that reverberated in your core.

the friction from your legs only heightened the sensation, and you found yourself unwillingly rutting down into the mattress just to feel an ounce of relief.

fuck, the chocolates, you recalled. while you had expected to feel something from them, this was twenty times more intense than anything you could have planned for.

you were like an animal in heat, vulnerable, weak, dazed. your body set ablaze, and it only made sense to strip of any and all clothing that held you back. in your own desperation, you had completely forgotten about the man resting next to you.

“y/n? what's--what are you doing?” jisung groggily croaked in a tone several octaves lower than you were accustomed to. your brain could only calculate it is as downright, unbelievably sexy.

“jisung, i’m fucking burning up, an-and, i think i’m finally feeling something....are you?”

he hadn’t noticed it at first until he did, but from where he could see where the blanket dipped all the way down to your waist, you were completely bare. with fluttering eyes, he gulped down dry. you noticed the way that he took you all in, looking at every inch of you. you reveled in how he greedily and shamelessly didn’t stop.

under the covers, his own legs twisted.

“me too.” he answered gravely, speaking with a low whisper.

carefully, his tentative touch advanced under the covers, slowly reaching to your bare hip, where he settled a testing caress, squeezing harder, then cascaded down the small of your back to make you shiver. your own hand did the same, instead finding his leg and creeping your hand up and under his shirt. little space existed between the two of you, and only the panting of your heavy inhales and exhales could be heard.

your eyes glued to his, beautifully brown and dilating, trembling a little while holding yours. from his light touches, it took every bit of your will to control yourself from launching over him. jisung’s hand fell lower, and toyed with the elastic band of your underwear which had started to feel painfully confining. each of your own fingers traveled up his torso, brushing over his chest which made his whole body shake.

“sh-shit, i’m so fucking--” jisung started, dropping off his words to let out a wavering sigh. you didn’t need to guess any further.

jisung slid two fingers under your elastic band, and it became too much to handle.

“please, touch me jisung.” you whined out pitifully, clawing directly into the soft muscles of his back.

you were shocked how quickly he had given into you, immediately crashing his lips against yours first, then using both arms to pull you into his chest so close it stole all of your breath away. you kissed him back roughly, ravenous to feel the sensation of his mouth against your own. he growled out a small groan directly into your lips, sloppily working every single corner and edge of your mouth with a devilish smile curling his own.

lower, both of your hips met flush, grinding and twisting to create the kind of pressure that the both of you craved. limbs twisted, sweating and heated skin mingled, and you could feel every bit of his hardened cock right against your own arousal and how his shaft throbbed helplessly.

“you taste so good.” he murmured between haphazard kisses, letting his low tone vibrate against you.

“take these off.” you ordered, tugging at his boxers, nearly taking them off yourself.

“take yours off.” he echoed, and you did.

curious hands plunged deeper, delighting fingers in the slick of the other’s cum.

“fuck.” jisung dragged the explicative over your lip where he lapped lazily into you. “don’t stop.”

you gave him a moment’s pause, stopping to wet your palm with saliva, then met it with his cock. you worked his length with the sharp and twisting turn of your wrist, causing him to whimper out shamelessly.

“shhh.” you hissed, pulling his lip with our teeth, “don’t want to wake up your roommate do we?”

he nodded, biting each and every tantalizing little sound into his lip instead. your own breaths grew shallow feeling the pressure from his hand between your legs and how he had grabbed into your thigh to swing it over his hip for better access.

“wouldn’t you like me to fuck you out, baby? fuck you like the good little cock whore that you are for me? i’ve seen the way that you look...you’ve wanted this...haven’t you?” jisung’s words were slick and luxurious despite their bite.

to suppress the begging moan in your throat, you cupped your hand over your mouth, and pressed hard into it.

the blanket tented from your pulling at his cock and how you rubbed over his slit: it was an ethereal sight even in the blurriness of the room.

slowly, you leaned over to his ear, waist rocking back and forth over the sensation of his hand rubbing into you relentlessly. “don’t lie baby, you want my ass bouncing on your cock...don’t you?”

in one movement, he swept his full body weight over yours and harshly pulled your legs back to open your entrance just for him to tease with his tip. he guided himself in slowly and meticulously, bottoming out once you had sunk your fingers into his shoulders to manage some of the screams you would have let out otherwise.

“fuck yes, baby.” jisung growled, finding an animalistic pace that burned your whole body with white flames of pleasure.

you grew impatient wondering furiously what his cute little pouty cheeks would look like when you fucked him from above, riding his dick. you wouldn’t wait any further, taking your grasp on his shoulders to then flip him, settling your hips over his dick which you pounced on to the tune of one of his moans slipping past, loud and guttural.

“shut. the fuck. up.” you scolded him, throwing your hand over his pretty mouth. he whimpered out once again, eyes rolling feeling the tip of his dick reach as deeply inside of you as you would let it. “cum inside me sungie, i won’t stop until I have every last drop.”

jisung nodded, chest flaring as his breaths quickened.

“cum for me baby, and i’ll cum for you...got it?” your breathy whispers scratched your throat, but you needed him to hear.

you held his eyes which glistened with two pretty little tears that fell as he came hard, shaking with his whole body and letting each of his gleeful moans come spiraling into your hand.

your own heat came surging, right at your core, growing....growing...

a lamplight flashed on.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? WHAT THE--WHAT THE--”

jeongin threw his sheets over his eyes, while shuddering. “I WAS FUCKING SLEEPING!!”

his shrill scream sent you jumping out of your lust, and you scrambled off jisung’s throbbing and pink cock, and forgetting the force of gravity, which sent his cum dripping out from inside of you. in your panic, you grabbed at anything to cover up your body and his, only to get so tangled that you lost your balance on the edge of the bed and.....

~💋~

THUMP

your body hit the wooden floor of jisung and jeongin’s room, right on your butt where you knew that it would be hurting for weeks.

as disoriented as you were, it took you a good few minutes to realize what had actually just happened.

“y/n?” jisung called with his groggy half-awake, half-asleep tone. “did you just fall out of the bed?”

on the opposite side of the room, you whipped your head over to see jeongin still peacefully sleeping with his back turned to jisung’s bed.

“fuck--um, yeah. i did. shit...”

jisung chuckled in the dark room just barely peeking with the first bits of the sunrise in streaming into the room.

“i don’t know how you did that considering i gave you plenty of space. get back up here.”

still dazed and brain overheating, you could have sworn you felt the little aftershocks of the orgasm that felt so real still coursing through your body.

you felt it too: the way that your underwear had slicked. some part of it all must’ve been real.

“jisung--” you started, not even sure if you wanted to tell him in the first place. “are you certain that you didn’t feel anything?”

jisung turned to face you and shook his head, “no, you?”

you hesitated, holding his eyes to see that he must have been telling the truth.

“i just...i just had this insane dream...”

“dream? about what?”

“it’s hard to explain...” you trailed.

“you look kind of shaken up, are you sure that you’re okay?” jisung extended a careful hand, and smoothed down the side of your face in the way that had felt frighteningly real only seconds ago. his hand lingered, falling down your neck and giving you goosebumps. your eyes fell to his lips, and you wondered if they would taste like you had imagined them to be.

you leaned in closer, closing the gap.

“it went something like this.”

~🌹~

Bunch of (Ro)ses!

@minaamhh @dazzlehoseok @synnocence @jjewibeans @hyunsluvv @unexceptional-h @bobawithchaitea @lechanters @sailorhyunjinz @silencefavarchive @lunarskzzz @yourdaddychan @bubblelixie @spnobsessedmemes @cherrychngkyn @iwanttobangchan @bowlofblueberries @lmhmins @eunaeiekim

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nothorses · 3 years ago

Text

Top Surgery Journal

I figured it was time to share my top surgery experiences, so folks can potentially learn from them! I'll be updating this as I have more to add.

For context, I am in the U.S. (specifically Washington state), and a legal adult. A lot of my process may not apply to everyone.

Getting Coverage

The first step to scheduling top surgery is getting insurance coverage for it. Talk to your insurance first to figure out if they do cover top surgery, and what you need to do in order to obtain coverage. Oftentimes it won't be listed officially on your plan, but you can get coverage as long as you can prove you need it.

I was lucky enough to have good insurance with trans healthcare included, so all I needed was a letter from my PCP, and a letter from a behavioral health counselor specializing in gender dysphoria. I didn't need any diagnoses, any specific length of time on HRT, any particular presentation, etc.

(If you live in Washington, state law requires that top surgery be fully covered under Medicare. It might be worth it to check your state's laws as well!)

Referrals

I tried to schedule with a surgeon myself, thinking it was my responsibility to get the documents sent over and everything, but my PCP actually referred me when I first told her I had gotten coverage from my insurance.

I ended up going with that referral because the other surgeon was so hard to get ahold of, but my PCP did also send a referral to the surgeon I'd chosen before. I recommend going through your PCP for referrals first, as it takes a lot of the workload off of you- and they'll likely write a referral anyway when sending the documents needed for coverage over.

You may also find that the surgeon you talk to has different requirements than your insurance before performing top surgery. A referral from your PCP might bypass these requirements, but be sure to call them yourself and double-check. Your surgeon's office is supposed to call you to schedule a consultation, and they may not call you at all if you don't have all of those documents in- which means you can be left in limbo indefinitely, not knowing you need to send them more than you already did.

The Consultation

I was able to get a consultation about 5 weeks after calling, which was great! The consultation is your opportunity to ask the surgeon any questions you have, for them to evaluate your chest and what methods might work for you, and for you to see their results (most surgeons do not post result photos online for privacy reasons).

Come into the consultation with all the questions you have written down somewhere, so you don't forget. I asked:

If I could see photographs of his top surgery results

Which incisions he thought would work for me, stressing the things that were important to me: minimal recovery time, no free nipple grafts (I wanted to keep mine, but without risking a failed graft), and minimal chance of needing revisions

What my recovery would look like for the recommended incisions

Whether I will be getting drains (ideally, yes: drains reduce recovery time and the risk of needing revisions)

If he's had patients who have had complications (failed grafts, infections, need for revisions, etc.) and what he's done to reduce the chances of that happening again

My surgeon's results looked good (scars were even and symmetrical, healed nicely, etc.) and he answered my questions really well, so I was happy to go with him!

He recommended the fishmouth method for me, because recovery time would be minimal, there would be no need for nipple grafts, and my chest was small enough for it to work really well.

Scheduling the Surgery

My surgeon didn't have a very long waitlist, but it still took about 3 weeks for the clinic to process my request with my insurance (yes, even though I already had coverage). Once they'd processed that, they called me with a window of time I could schedule within; after a few months, insurance would no longer cover the surgery.

I got an extension, as I was working an intense summer job that I couldn't really take a few weeks off of to recover, then scheduled my surgery over the phone. They asked if I wanted a pre-op appointment, and I declined, as it'd mostly be information covered in the consultation or that could be given to me over the phone.

Preparing for Surgery

I wasn't given a check-in time for the hospital until about 2pm the day before, but they finally did call me and give me some instructions, including:

My check-in time and place

The hospital's phone number, to give to my ride/caretaker in case they had questions

That I was not to bring visitors (cause covid)

To bring my ID, insurance card, and credit card

That I was not to eat or drink anything after 12am that night (I did drink a bit of water with my meds, which they seemed fine with)

To shower with antibacterial soap the night before, and the morning of the surgery

Not to wear hair or skin products like deoderant or gel

Not to wear any jewelry, or anything else removable that wasn't just a clothing item.

When I checked into the hospital, they had my fill out some paperwork including the name and number of my ride and caretaker (which could be the same or separate people; they called the ride number when it was time to pick me up, and the caretaker number with detailed updates on my progress). Then they had me change into the hospital gown and answer some medical history questions, prepped me with an IV, and had a nurse, both anesthesiologists involved in my surgery, and my surgeon check in with me for more information and to answer any last questions I had.

I was told to use the bathroom about 20 minutes before I would be going under for my surgery (to avoid needing a catheter), and once I did, they injected some anesthetic into my IV and I passed the fuck out.

After Surgery

I showed up to the hospital at about 9am, and the prepping ended around 11am. The surgery was scheduled to end at 2pm; I wasn't conscious until about 3pm.

They had me use the restroom again (I passed out on the floor of the bathroom because it was way too soon, lmao), and I was in and out of sleep until I finally used the bathroom on my own at about 5pm. At that point I was a lot more lucid; I had some toast and pudding, and the nurse called my caretaker to go over post-op instructions with us both.

After that I dressed myself, was wheeled out to pick up my pain meds at the in-hospital pharmacy, then hopped in the car with my ride (the wonderful @lillia-pad) at about 5:30pm.

Recovery

I have a pretty high tolerance for anesthetic, so I was mostly just tired during the 36-ish hours the anesthetic continued to wear off. I didn't experience any nausea or lightheadedness either, but I was given an anti-nausea patch behind my left ear, plus some anti-nausea meds, just in case.

My post-op regimen sort of looks like this:

Take 1-2 tablets of oxycodone every 4 hours (for pain)

Take 2 tablets of laxative meds twice a day (cause pain meds cause constipation)

Empty drains twice per day, and record how much was in them

Get up and walk around every couple of hours to reduce the risk of blood clots

Ease into eating again: start with clear fluids, and work up to crackers/bread/etc., to avoid nausea and vomiting.

Lay down propped up on plenty of pillows, and only on your back (no side-sleeping!)

Keep the compression binder/gauze on for the first 48 hours, then remove them to shower as needed (but put them back on after!)

I was pretty lucid by the third day post-surgery, and was able to scale my pain meds down pretty quickly from 2 tabs on the first day, to 1 tab for the next two days, to 1/2 tab. Meds are much more important at night, when there's nothing to distract you from the pain- don't be afraid to ration them for nighttime.

Oxycodone also definitely causes drowsiness, so I took a lot of "oxy naps" about 45-60 minutes after I took my meds, which last between 20 minutes and 2 hours depending on how tired I am.

I have my post-op this week, so I will update this post with more details on my scars and healing then!

#top surgery #trans #transgender #ftm #transition #trans men #trans man #transmasc #transmasculine #nothorses #resources

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whatifyoulivelikethat · 4 years ago

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love letter, m | jjk

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

summary: Jeon Jungkook gets love letters shoved in his mailbox and under his apartment door all the damn time. You, too, get love letters shoved in your mailbox and under your door. All the time. It could be a sweet gesture, but this is the twenty-first century. Love letters aren't all they're cracked up to be.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; short graphic descriptions of sex acts; smut (fem reader, a very intense make-out session including some wild tongue and too much saliva, nipple play, a bit of m-receiving oral, cowgirl, handjob); non-idol!BTS – technically university, blond, softsub!Jungkook x working, softdom!reader; slightly desperate and needy JK

yes, yes, it’s MTV Unplugged ‘Telepathy’JK

"I'm so tired of people thinking they have a chance with me."

Was the exasperated declaration as you backed up into your apartment, only to turn around and witness Jeon Jungkook dumping a waterfall of colorful envelopes from his giant black backpack onto your hardwood floor.

"At least remove your shoes before you start flaunting how hot you are," you replied dryly.

Jungkook rolled his eyes as he kicked off his large white sneakers. "Look at this shit! It's relentless! It's annoying! I just want to live my life!"

You vaguely recalled Jungkook being excited about his first love letter upon reaching university, and then the second, the third... and now you were staring at pile number five hundred on your doormat. "I don't know, put a sign on your door? 'Please stop, the answer is no?'"

Jungkook winced. "I can't do that. How many hearts am I going to break?"

"Uh, I dunno, you already broke half the campus by existing in general."

He bonked you on the head lightly with his denim jacket sleeve. "I have not. I've only slept with a couple people and that was supposed to be no strings attached."

You shrugged. "People can't understand that. Especially women."

He puffed his cheeks and stepped over the pile. You noticed the small stickers and nice handwriting on the colorful pastel paper. You almost felt bad, seeing all the effort put into them.

"At least they're cute. I only get torn notebook pages with scribbles."

"Stop lying. You get girls' letters too," Jungkook grumbled. "Can I borrow your computer? One of my professors assigned an online quiz and the internet at my place is down, again."

"You gotta move," you commented, kneeling down to collect the mess Jungkook made. You noticed Jungkook flit his eyes about before throwing up his hands and bending down to help you.

"I'm trying to get out of the lease, but I have a couple more months left," he complained childishly.

"What about your other friends? Can't you go bother them?"

Jungkook frowned, sticking out his lower lip. The tiny mole underneath winked at you. "You hate me now or something?"

You laughed, standing up with a stacked pile of confessions to Jeon Jungkook. "No, I'm just curious as to why you always come here."

He shoved the rest in your arms, his pile slightly messier than yours. "You live the closest and you're usually home. Plus, you have two computers."

"A laptop and a desktop," you corrected. "Don't you have a laptop?"

"It's easier to borrow yours."

"Lazy."

Jungkook ignored your remark and ticked his silvery-blond head further into the apartment. "Can I borrow it or not?"

You laughed. "Of course. Laptop's on the bed."

He turned and followed the hallway to your bedroom. "Same password?" he yelled, not looking back.

"Obviously."

"Why is it my birth date?" he shouted.

"Because, one, no one will guess it, and, two, you're a dumbass and always forget it."

"I do not!"

"How many times did you ask when the password was Klingon?"

"I don't know your nerdy shit!"

"Do your fucking assignment," you belted down the hall.

Jungkook stuck his head out of your bedroom door and scrunched his nose to make a hideous face at you, holding your gunmetal-colored laptop. You rolled your eyes as he disappeared again. This crackhead. You let out a sigh, walking past the acrylic painting of a blue sky with pink-purple clouds hanging in your living room, flicking through at all the letters addressed to Jungkook.

Surprisingly, you knew what he felt like. With you, it started with inviting one guy over to your place, sucking his dick, and then suddenly a letter appeared. Well, letter was putting it nicely. Dirty napkin with words scrawled with smeared ballpoint pen shoved under your door, explicitly asking for more. Then another, wanting it. Then another, begging for it. You ignored them. At some point, you invited a girl over, ate her out, and then the colorful envelopes started appearing, with cute stickers and neat handwriting.

Mmmhmm.

Why did Jungkook bring them here anyway? To brag? For you to peruse? You spread them out them on your coffee table and tore one open. Read it. Simple confession of love, no name. You were kind of jealous. Jungkook always got nicer ones than you did. Something about being a sexually uninhibited woman seemed to translate to others that you were down to fuck anyone, anytime, anything. You tossed the letter aside, ripped open a folded card closed with lilac tape. Another, 'I love you, please go out with me', no name. Toss. And you opened another one, reading out loud.

"I want to cram all one hundred and seventy-nine centimeters of you into me?”

Uh.

Huh.

Still no name.

Cute peach stationery though.

Was it a euphemism? Symbolic? Thinly veiled code? Hm. In any case, this was more along the lines of shamelessness you encountered yourself.

By all conventions, Jeon Jungkook was attractive as fuck. Pretty pink lips, big brown eyes, manly sharp jawline. He kept his hair on the longer side, around ear length, now silvery-blond compared to the usual black. You heard he dyed it a couple times, but now it had since faded to the original blond.

Oh, yeah, also he had nice hands and a body to die for.

You could see why Jungkook got all these love letters. You? Well, similar reasons, except less muscles. Also, yours weren't really love letters. More like vulgar remarks on the backs of grubby receipts.

Probably just as heartfelt.

The only reason you knew of Jungkook was because you were friends with one of his close friends. Alright, maybe you sucked his friend's dick. More than once. But anyway, not the point. The point was that the topic of love letters came up one night when everyone was hanging out and you voiced your predicament. It was the summer before Jungkook entered university. He had burst out laughing, thinking it was a hilarious situation.

"Haha, that would never happen to me!"

Jokes on you, Jungkook, karma's a bitch.

You thought about moving, but the location was close to your work and the internet service was great here. At least you always recycled the paper. What were you supposed to do? Keep an album of Starbucks napkins of people asking if your tongue was good or not?

You opened another envelope addressed to 'sweet, adorable Jungkookie'.

Their words, not yours.

"Shove your dick down my throat and make me gag? Smiley face?"

Well, that's a contrast.

Jungkook didn't start contacting you on his own until the letters started coming and then they didn’t stop coming, flooding his mailbox and underneath his door, overwhelming and confusing him. He didn't think he would get much attention, although perhaps it might be your fault, since you seemed to have set the precedence for this type of thing at this particular university. There was at least one person in every year that got this treatment, and it all started with one dirty napkin with smeared ink. Rumor caught on and then bam! It became a thing.

So, yeah.

Maybe kind of your fault.

You shouldn't have told so many people about that napkin.

You fished out a pizza receipt from the pile, inspecting it. You couldn't find anything out of the ordinary. Then you noticed it had Jungkook's phone number and an order of three pizzas. Not a confession, just trash from Jungkook's backpack. Did he really eat three pizzas? Hopefully not by himself and in one sitting. You noticed the timestamp. Mmm, three in the morning. Okay. Maybe he did eat three pizzas by himself in one sitting.

You filed through the rest, removing trash from the recyclable paper. Paused when you found a scrap of paper that said, "Put your dick in my ass." You recognized this curvy, narrow handwriting, slightly heavy-handed. Same person wrote you the same note this week.

This was why you didn't take the messages too seriously.

You saw a particularly thick purple envelope and picked it up, tearing it open. It was several pages, with tiny, crammed handwriting on paper with cute bunnies on it. Several pages detailing straight up porn with Jungkook as the leading role.

You almost burst out laughing.

Who the fuck would write this?

And send it to him?

Not you, that's for fucking sure.

Still, it wasn't the worst thing you've ever read. Had some spelling mistakes and poor grammar. Instant turn-off. Needed a good proofread. You settled onto your brown leather couch, highly entertained as you read it. Then you actually burst out laughing, because said person wanted Jungkook to lift them and fuck them at the same time and that kinda shit just wasn't possible. You would know, because you’ve tried. It sounded good, but in practice, the dick ended up falling out pretty quickly if the pussy was any sort of wet.

If you weren’t wet, then, eh, not sure why you're fucking.

"What is so fucking funny?" Jungkook grumbled, poking his head around the corner, still holding your laptop.

You held up the sheets of bunny-printed paper, still laughing. "Someone sent you their written erotica and you're the star!"

Jungkook grimaced. "Oh yeah, that person. They write something new every week. It's weird." He frowned. "I try to take it out so you don't have to read that shit. I must have missed it."

"It's hilarious," you chuckled. "You should publish them into a book."

"You know I can't do that," Jungkook sighed, putting your laptop on the coffee table and snatching the pages from you. "I throw them away like everything else."

"Did you finish your assignment?" you chortled, leaning over to look at the laptop screen. Submission successful. "80%?! When you could easily cheat?"

"I read a question wrong," Jungkook whined, balling up the paper and throwing it down. "Ack."

You looked up at him and he was looking upset at the pile on the table.

"What's wrong?"

"What if one of them is real?"

"Huh?"

"I mean... I just throw them away now. But what if one of them is real?" Jungkook wondered out loud.

You shrugged. "Does it matter? They'll tell you in person if it's that important."

Jungkook tilted his head at you doubtfully. "Will they?"

You sat back into your couch, with your legs wide open. You were wearing sleek black leggings and a cropped pink sweatshirt. Not the most ladylike pose, but you didn't really care. You gestured to the stack of letters on your wooden coffee table.

"They should. If they actually like you and it's not a joke, then they should tell you in person and accept that they might be rejected."

Jungkook frowned and slumped down next to you. His light-wash denim jacket made a loud floof as his ass hit the brown leather cushions. The wash of his jeans matched his jacket. He wore a white graphic t-shirt under. It looked vintage, but it probably wasn’t.

"What if they're nervous?" he questioned, twisting his pink lips around.

"So what? Everyone's nervous. We all live in a perpetual state of terror."

Jungkook rolled his eyes.

You leaned forward and plucked a sky-blue memo note from the table, reading it out loud. "I love you. Marry me." You held it out to him. "See? You get nice ones. I get, ‘choke me like you hate me’ and 'shove your tongue into my asshole, please'. Rarely do I get is that please at the end," you finished with a dry laugh. You looked up to see Jungkook staring back at you. Your laugh died a little seeing his serious expression.

"Yes."

You blinked at him. "What?"

Jungkook ticked his chin to the note, then shifted his eyes to you.

You pointed to the memo sheet and raised an eyebrow. "I didn't write this."

"I did."

He was so serious that you couldn't laugh. You just blinked at him rapidly and turned your head to look at the sky-blue memo sheet, finally recognizing the clean, block-like handwriting and spotting the bottom right corner. English letters. A J and a K fused together, the way Jungkook usually signed his paintings.

You dropped the note like it was on fire.

Jerked your head up, not to him, but to the painting across from you in the living room, the one with the blue sky and pink-purple clouds, with a tiny JK signature in black at the bottom right corner. The painting you asked Jungkook to make you a while back.

"You paint, right? I want something calm for my living room. I bought a canvas, so about this size. It's that cool?"

Jungkook had squinted his eyes, nodding. "Yeah, I could draw a pretty big dick on it."

"This is for my living room, dumbass. And I said I wanted something calm."

"A flaccid dick then."

You turned your head back to Jungkook of now, who was wringing his hands on his thighs, wiping off his palms. He noticed you watching him and puffed one cheek before letting out a big sigh.

"I was... gonna leave it on your laptop," Jungkook mumbled, flapping a hand to the sky-blue note. "But I couldn't find it in my backpack, and then I realized one of the pockets was open, the one where I keep receipts... anyway I had put the note there, so I came out to see if it was in the pile... yup, there it is."

He sucked in his cheek and fell back against the leather sofa.

"Was a joke."

Jungkook's voice sounded hollow. Empty.

"... Ah." You tucked the tip of your tongue in your cheek.

"Not the greatest joke," he added flatly.

“No, it’s not,” you agreed. "Jokes that are insincere are bad jokes."

The black words glared back up at you, contrasting the pale azure paper. You picked up the memo sheet again. Turned to face him, holding it up next to Jungkook's head of silvery-blond hair. He pursed his lips and looked away from you, jaw clenched in nervousness.

"Just say it."

He puffed one cheek again. "It was a joke."

"Then why are you saying it in past tense?"

His brown orbs shifted from side to side before Jungkook tried to bolt out of his seat, only for you to slam a hand down on his shoulder and throw a leg over him, straddling his lap before pinning the note to his chest. He yelped sharply and looked up at you with huge, shaking irises.

In all your time knowing him, you never tried to sleep with Jungkook.

Never.

You jabbed the note into his white shirt and he gave you a terrified squeak in response.

You scrutinized his face, jaw slack, eyes wide, blond curls framing his chiseled cheekbones. One of your eyebrows raised, your voice calm and unfazed.

"Say it."

"You say it," Jungkook finally shot back, furrowing his brows, biting on his lip and mustering up the most indignant look he could produce at this very second. You didn’t react. He seemed to have forgotten you did, in fact, say it, although perhaps that wasn’t exactly what he meant.

You never tried to fuck Jungkook because he didn’t treat you as anything more than his primary source of internet when his own was down. Ah, and also his outlet for complaining about his love letter problem. And then there was that other little wrinkle, the unwritten societal rule one of sucking a guy's dick you're still friends with - don't suck his friends' dicks. Surefire way to fuck up a friendship, especially if the dude’s ego was fragile.

Jungkook’s friend was dating someone else now though. His ego couldn’t be that fragile.

You leaned forward and Jungkook's annoyed gaze faltered. He gulped and tried to shrink into your brown leather couch, as if he could somehow disappear under you.

"I love you," you stated clearly and firmly. You glanced at the slightly crumpled piece of blue paper before your eyes flickered back to his face. "Marry me."

Hah, the thing about rules with you was...

Fuck 'em.

Not actually.

Eh, not the point.

"Really?" Jungkook squeaked, voice cracking slightly.

Ah, right, the other reason you never tried to sex up Jungkook because he was a little bit of an idiot around you. But maybe this sky-blue note detailed the reason for it.

"Say it," you repeated crossly, poking him in the pecs. "Stop avoiding it."

You observed Jungkook swallow hard again, Adam’s apple bobbing. You furrowed your brows, tipping your head down so that your forehead was hovering over his, eyebrow cocked, gazing into trembling brown orbs. Why was he taking so long? He wrote the damn words. Were they really just a joke? Hmph, why were you even trying then?

That’s how everyone was.

Not putting any stock or thought into their fucking words.

You lifted your finger but Jungkook’s right hand, the one with tiny tattoos, suddenly darted in your view, grabbing your hand back and jamming your finger onto his chest again. His heartbeat raced under your fingertip, thud-thud-thud, rapid bass accenting the moment. Electrifying it.

“Don’t.”

Whisper so faint you frowned and closed even more distance between you two, picking up the scent of vanilla fabric softener and lush cotton. A little different than you, who used a blackberry and spiced vanilla perfume.

“I like this,” Jungkook breathed under you, chewing his lip anxiously. You could feel his warm breath tickling your lips and chin with how close you were. You could count his individual eyebrow hairs, even though the eyebrow product he used.

“I… really like this.”

He let go of your hand.

Now you raised both eyebrows.

You slowly uncurled your middle finger, landing it on his chest next to the index. You felt him shiver a little, lips parting. Straightened your ring finger, planting it down. His lashes lowered a little, brown orbs on your face, watching your reaction to him. You could count the moles on his face. The one on his nose. The one on his cheek. The one under his lower lip. The one on his neck. Your pinky slid onto his chest. A wispy moan left his lips, eyelids fluttering, blond strands floating around his head with the little rise and fall of his heavy, tense exhale.

Why is it your birth date?

Take a wild guess, dumbass.

Your fingers abruptly dug into his white t-shirt, crumpling the note and scrunching the graphic up in your fist. He inhaled sharply, head tipping back and lips nearing yours, a whine escaping his throat. You quirked an eyebrow, drawing back slightly, taking in the rich depth of his tan skin, the sensual line of his neck, up to his angular chin and his dangling silver earrings. All of it. His hands immediately came up to grab your wrist and forearm, ensuring you and himself that you wouldn’t let go, the tendons in your flexed wrist right against his large palm.

“Say it, Jungkook,” you demanded. “Say those words with your pretty pink tongue hanging out your mouth for me.”

You watched him obey immediately, tongue sliding out and touching his lower lip, brown eyes framed by his long lashes and hazy with lust.

“I love you,” Jungkook breathed, a little gargled with his tongue out. “Fucking marry me, please.”

Ah, you couldn't help it.

You smirked.

"What about all your admirers?" you murmured, twisting your fingers in his shirt, digging your nails into his chest. "You'll break all those poor hearts you’re worried about."

Those dark brown eyes told you they didn't give a single fuck.

"What about you?" he countered, closing his mouth a little to speak more clearly.

"Me?"

The definition of trouble?

Well, if you looked that up in a dictionary, there would definitely be a picture of you.

Jungkook’s lips parted once more, keen to submit to your wickedness, pink tongue slipping out again, shiny and glistening with saliva. Breathing shallowly, rubbing your wrist with his thumb, encouraging you to keep going.

Your lips curved into a treacherous smile.

"I'll break all the hearts to get to yours, Jungkook."

And then you licked his tongue.

A low moan bubbled from Jungkook's chest, his eyes rolling back and his hips bucking up, desperate for friction as the tip of your wet muscle glided over his warm softness, your spit dripping down his throat, listening to his moans turn into messy garbles of your name, begging you, pleading you, more, more, kiss me, please, and you hooked your tongue around his, gently nudging his jaw with your other hand. Knuckle to chin, tilting your head as your lips closed onto Jungkook's.

It was not a neat kiss.

There was spit running down his chin, dripping onto his neck and your skin, your lips roughly working his, tongues intertwined and making even more of a mess, you sucking forcefully to earn pained, delicious whines. Jungkook was far too turned on to attempt to glamorize it, cries a jumbled mess under your greedy mouth, but none of that mattered. The moment was sensual and dark, bodies speaking to each other through dopamine and adrenaline. Your hand released his shirt, breaking his grip, switching to burrowing your fingers into his soft blond hair and running your nails over his scalp, leaving lines of prickling pain to enhance your kiss.

"F-Fuck, oh fuck, yes..."

Your teeth caught his tongue, pulling back and forcing his head to follow. Jungkook made a pained noise, trapped in your embrace, whining as you took him to the brink. You released him swiftly and he snapped backward, blinking hard, trying to reorient himself, but it was impossible, your lips crashing down again, thrusting your tongue into his mouth aggressively, one eye open to witness his fucked-out state, pupils unfocused, long lashes quivering, moaning into your mouth and you inhaling it all, literally taking his breath away.

It started out with a kiss.

How did it end up like this?

It was only a kiss.

You dropped your lower half onto his crotch and Jungkook gasped, breaking the kiss, strings of spit breaking between you two. You smirked wickedly as you felt his hardness trying to escape its clothing jail, his large hands already on your thighs and hips, sinking his fingers into the soft fabric of your leggings, rocking you into him, desperately trying to get some stimulation.

"Please," he croaked, panting for breath, pulling himself up to sitting position, so easy and smooth, fuck, so sexy, and now Jungkook was in your face, pleas on the tip of his tongue pouring out, tempting you, wanting it.

"Please, wanna be yours so fucking bad, seeing all those fucking letters and notes you get, and it pisses me off, it's me, I want it to be me, I want to be yours and I'm telling you to your face."

Whisper achingly hot, deep voice soaked with longing, staring into your eyes with those shaking brown orbs, spinning with emotion like an unstable top, barely enough torque holding it in place and all it took was another spin to encourage it or a gust of rejection to topple it over.

"And you don't even care about mine, you think they're fucking funny, fuck, I can't stand it, let it be me, please..."

His hands running up your sides, grazing against your breasts, and now his hands were in your hair and yours were in his, bringing your face close, the crumpled sky-blue note right between your joined crotches, forgotten, witnessing the agonizing lust wound tightly in this embrace.

"Let it be me," Jungkook begged.

You licked your lips slowly, scarcely swiping against his. He shuddered, leaning into it, taking whatever crumbs you gave. His long fingers tensed in your hair, yours buried in the dark roots of his.

"You'll have to skip the marriage bit for now," you teased lightly. "I don't think my parents will appreciate you slapping down papers before you finish school."

Jungkook snickered, tucking his tongue in his cheek roguishly. "Can't they understand I have to snatch this ass as soon as possible to make people back off?"

Your hands slipped down to his jaw, fitting it in your palms, his silvery-blond stands wrapped around your fingertips. "They'll back off my door once they hear you screaming my name."

You leaned in, but Jungkook stopped you, brown orbs glittering with mischief to get in one more quip.

"I doubt it," he purred.

Yeah.

Jungkook was right.

Ah, well.

You seized his face and kissed him again, fuck, such malleable lips just pleading to be bitten by you, gazing up his nose and to his beautiful eyes, his soft skin in your hands, clenching his jaw under your power, letting you have it, letting you control it and him. You felt him scramble and throw his denim jacket off, dumping it onto your couch to cup your cheeks with his hands, sighing in satisfaction as you inhaled him. Your tongue lazily traced the outskirts of his lips, hearing the rattle of his beaded bracelets by your ears, amused, knowing they were his good luck charms.

"They bring good luck," he had answered when you saw them for the first time.

You remembered tilting your head at the wooden beads on his slim wrists. "You trying to get your dick sucked or something?"

He had broken out in a loud guffaw. Nudged you with his elbow, cheeky smile on his lips.

"Never gonna say no to getting my dick sucked."

"Mhm, cool, where's my painting of the flaccid dick?"

From then on, you noticed he wore the same wooden, beaded bracelets every time he came to your apartment.

Hmm.

Now, your hands falling from his face, yanking his shirt from his pants, annoyed it was getting caught, and then Jungkook fitted his hands around your ass and lifted you easily, breaking the kiss, a moment for you to bear witness to his arms flexing – holy fuck, that’s sexy – right one covered in tattoos. Images and script, with one catching your eye, a string of words running up the inside of his upper arm. One you recognized because you had those words written on your bedroom wall, on a canvas hanging above your bed. A canvas you made, background a chaotic mess of varying dark red brushstrokes, the black script in the center, written by your hand.

The exact black script with your flourishes and ticks, now tattooed on the inside of his right arm.

Your eyes drifted to Jungkook's face and his naughty smirk, pleased to be found out. Your lips formed the sentence slowly, in awe of his audacity.

"The devil knows my name."

the devil knows my name.

Hung above your bed, where all manner of marvelous sinful acts were performed.

Jungkook grinned deviously. "I saw it. I wanted it on me."

Wanted it on him.

Oh, fuck.

Did he know? Could he guess?

"Who's the devil?" you whispered, smile widening, matching his.

Jungkook reached down, yanking his t-shirt out of his jeans and pulling it up and over his head, revealing the body he sculpted himself, tan skin taut over hard muscle, toned and...

"You're the devil, of course," he snickered.

Yours.

"Ding dong daeng," you sing-songed.

How many people have been on your bed, head pulled back by your hand, blinking hard, trying to read the words on your wall through waves of forced ecstasy? Gasping them out, ending with a question, inquiring for an answer.

The devil knows my name?

And you, leaning forward, haunting whisper in their ears, yes, she does, before pushing their face down into the sheets.

"All those love letters not good enough for you, Jungkook?" you breathed, running your hands over his bare chest, spreading your fingers, letting your exhale out through your teeth. His eyes on you, torso trembling, hairs raising, feeling your nails dance up, up, raking over his collarbones and neck, leaving little pink lines of intensity.

"They're not you," he whispered. His hands brushing over yours, outlining your fingers, eyes darkening as you pushed him back into your sofa, lowering your head. "You, the one they talk about..." Your lips on his hot skin, kissing softly, tongue so slight that it made him whimper. "You, the one they look for..." His voice, deep and rumbling, vibrating your lips, pitching as you bit and sucked, leaving small hickeys. "You, the one whose bed I sit on, wondering who else has been there, wondering why it's not me, when I make myself available to you, so easy to prey on, but you let me be..." Your lips closing around his dark brown nipple, scraping your teeth against it, making him squirm and look down at you, you and your self-satisfied, ravenous smirk.

"I let you read them," Jungkook whimpered, blond strands curled around his cheeks, chest shuddering at your nail flicking his other nipple while your mouth worked the other. "Let you see everything they want to do to me and you still didn't know."

You chuckled darkly. "What's there to know?" you mused, sticking your tongue out and pressing it against the now hard pink-tinged nub, receiving small whines of pleasure as your reward. "It's obvious what you wanted. I was right in front of you. All you had to do was say something."

Jungkook frowned as you sat up, tongue in cheek, half-grinning.

"Look at you."

You crossed your arms and pulled your pink cropped sweatshirt up and over your head, dropping it to the floor. Casually running a hand through the top of your hair to pull it away from your face, gazing down at shirtless Jungkook covered in your red bites, cocking your head with a smirk. He raised an eyebrow, eyes roaming over your figure and the curve of your breasts molded to smooth black satin.

"You look like you eat hearts for breakfast," he murmured, admiration in his tone.

The side of your lips quirked further upwards.

"And yet you wanna love me."

Jungkook grinned. "I don't want to. I already do."

And then he was the one to pull you to him, kissing you hungrily, you immediately turning it into your favor, your pace, his tongue commanded by yours as he unhooked your bra, moaning into your mouth, rubbing your exposed nipples with his palms, unable to do much as you pushed him into the couch again, guiding his tongue down with your teeth and running the tip of yours over his wet muscle once more, trickling saliva into his throat and onto his chin and neck, messy and lewd.

"The devil knows your name," you sighed into his mouth, feeling him knead your breasts, thumbs brushing over your hard nipples, tendrils of pleasure making your skin tingle. "And now the devil takes what she wants."

You saw the sides of his lips curve upwards as you backed up to strip the rest of your clothes, amused at Jungkook eagerly following suit and unbuttoning his jeans.

"Can't wait to flaunt how hot you are?" you laughed, reaching down to the shelf under the side table where a ceramic R2-D2 cookie jar sat.

"Do you think I'm hot?" Jungkook haughtily accused before gawking at your waist to ass ratio, his hands slowing, pants stopped to his knees in his distraction.

You gently took off the head of R2-D2 and plucked a condom from it. Some guy told you once that you couldn't like Star Trek and Star Wars at the same time and you told him to shut the fuck up as you slapped his nuts. He begged you to do it again. You fondly patted R2-D2's head after you fitted it back.

You straightened to see Jungkook on your couch with his hard dick on display.

You looked him dead in the eye. "You think I'd let you borrow my laptop if I thought you were ugly?"

Jungkook broke out of his trance and shrugged, finally yanking his calves – holy shit, his calves and thighs were muscular as fuck – out of his jeans, underwear and socks gone with them.

"Maybe you pitied my grades."

"I'd just pay for you to go to the library and fuck off, dumbass," you muttered, pushing his hands aside and ripping the condom open, drinking in the delicious sight of his throbbing red cock dripping pre-cum, his balls just waiting for – fuck it, you got down on your knees and wrapped your tongue around his length, Jungkook sputtering and gasping at your suddenness. Fuck, he smelled and tasted fucking good, clean and velvety to your lips enclosing around the head and sliding down, using one hand to scoop up his balls. Made eye contact with him again.

Jungkook breathed your name hesitantly.

Your tongue slid out of your lips and you jammed his cock all the way down your throat, slathering his balls wetly with your whisking tongue, circling around one and then the other, long expansive strokes that went past the girth of his cock, your pink tongue visible to him. Jungkook's pupils blew wide with shock, moans catching in his throat, whole body shivering, trying desperately not to look away even through you could tell he wanted to throw himself into your sofa and fucking lose it.

"Oooooooh, fuck, that's amazing.... Holy shit, your tongue is everything...."

You chuckled and pulled your head back, satisfied with his reaction. He seemed slightly disappointed until you rolled down the condom, cracking your neck.

"I think I've given enough." You stood up, getting back on top of him and his glorious thighs. "Time for you to be taken."

Jungkook smirked.

You smirked wider and more wickedly.

The sky-blue memo was crumpled into a ball, fallen to your hardwood floor.

Held him with two fingers, ugh, the weight of his cock, fuck yes, and those beautiful dark chocolate eyes, Jungkook, you dumbass, cursing that he didn't tell you sooner so that you could watch him groan and throw his head back like he was right now, gasping at your tightness, your name torn from his throat as you took in every centimeter of him, every pulsing vein and contour of his wonderful cock, stupid Jungkook and his attractive self not using his damn words so you could ride him like you were right now, setting up a fast, bruising pace. Your fingers dug into the back of the couch as you bucked your hips into his violently, keeping yourself tight because you were so fucking wet, fuck, so wet for Jeon Jungkook and his idiotic self, asking for internet to do his school assignments and not asking for his dick to be used as your fucking joystick.

Dumbass.

"Oh fuck," Jungkook gasped. "Oh, fuck, you're so wet and tight, shit, shit, shit..."

"Tell me something I haven't heard before," you chuckled, only half-meaning it, waving your entire body to deliver a particularly hard smack to his crotch, Jungkook whimpering under you, his hands flying to your upper arms and clutching them, trying to hold on to your wildness.

"Holy fuck, you have some hard biceps," he blurted out, startled at the prominent muscle.

Well, you haven't heard that one before.

"Guess that's what happens when you jack off a lot of dick," you mused nonchalantly.

You ticked your head to Jungkook's arms – delicious – and he frowned at you, opening his mouth to protest and you cut him off by shoving two fingers into his lips, pressing them down into the wet warmth, grinning maniacally as you watched him struggle with your fingers rubbing his tongue and his cock getting assaulted by you aggressively slamming your hips down and clamping around his stiffness, tighter, faster, whines of your name in his throat, head falling back onto the couch with a flump. You were careful not to push your fingers too far.

Getting vomited on wasn't really on your sexual activities bingo card.

Jungkook was, however, drooling down his chin and neck, and you pulled back to grab his shoulder with your wet hand – oh, fuck, his shoulder, what a lovely shape – and Jungkook wheezed for breath, you ignoring it as you focused all your energy on fucking the life out of him, dirty squelches and smacks of hips on hips, staring down at his abs and v-line, all his hard work at the gym on display, his hands still on your upper arms as he raised his hips to meet yours, needily moaning for you to destroy him with your pace.

Damn, maybe you would have sent him a love letter if you had seen him naked at least once.

"A-Ask me to cum for you," Jungkook finally got out, voice hoarse from breathing so hard for so long.

"You're going to anyway," you taunted.

"Want you to ask," he whined, almost pouting. "Tell me to do it."

You gazed into his eyes, into those brown irises overtaken by black pupils, him a top spinning by your hand, your plaything commanded by your body, pussy clenching around his twitching cock, spurred on from his pleading tone, giving him a devious and wicked grin, speaking to his swollen lips, the devil knows your name, Jungkook, and him moaning back, fuck yes she does, so close, so fucking close, unashamedly barreling towards your release, power in your veins and under you, his muscles rippling as he fucked you back, amplifying every thrust.

"Jungkook."

"Y-Yes?"

"Say it."

Brown eyes locked with yours.

"I love you. Marry me."

You smirked.

"Cum for me."

A half-second and then you let go, letting the feeling rush in and envelop you, the moment held back to torture him, and now you felt it all, already at the tipping point, strained moan as your orgasm crashed into you, shudders all over and falling, sitting all the way down in his lap to experience the throbbing ache of your core giving out and spilling onto his cock and balls in rapid bursts, viscous and sweet. The scent of sex mixing with blackberry and spiced vanilla, his length jerking inside you, and only then did you hear Jungkook crying out your name over and over, the roar in your ears fading out to his shivering moans, hands sliding up and down your arms, eyes closing and lost in the pleasure of your pussy squeezing out his cum. His touch travelling down to your waist, pulling you to him.

Messy, soft kisses, your name and curses mixed together.

"It's me, right?"

You smiled into his mouth that was still asking questions.

"Please let it be me. You'll let me love you for real, right?"

Pushing your hair back, his sweaty blond locks sticking to your face.

"Because I already do, can't stop, won't stop–"

"Yeah, Jungkook, funnily enough I figured that from the first kiss already," you chuckled, running your fingers through his ash blond hair and pulling his head back lightly, seeing him pout, the mole underneath his lower lip peeking out.

"But..."

"Hm?"

His voice suddenly small, vulnerable, his semi-hard dick still inside you.

"Do you love me?"

You lifted a brow. "What kind of dumbass question is that?" You grabbed his arm and pressed your nail into his tattoo of your words, drawing a pink scratch under them, making him gasp. "How can I not love you? Fuck, that's the sexiest thing I've ever seen, my handwriting tattooed onto you. Yes, I love you, Jungkook."

Jungkook's jaw dropped.

This fool is still shocked after all this?

You reached down and held the condom down as you lifted yourself off, yanking him to his feet, pushing Jungkook to your coffee table, right in front of the pile of letters with his name all over them. You picked up your laptop and pushed it onto his chest, forcing him to hold it, him still confused, mildly stunned, not knowing what the fuck was happening.

Then you made him half-straddle your coffee table and yanked off the condom.

"Um–"

Grabbed his cock and started furiously jacking him off.

"Oh, f-fuck!"'

And then he realized what you were doing, the sheer wrongness of it, getting harder and harder with every second, throbbing in your hand.

"You're just like them," you chuckled through exerted breath.

Faster, rougher, tighter, Jungkook clutching your laptop, his larger frame leaning against yours, head thrown back so far that his blond hair was brushing your shoulder, moaning lustfully as he thrusted his hips into your grip. White pooled onto the purple-red tip of his abused cock, far too sensitive to be jacked off this hard right after orgasm, but Jungkook begged you not to stop, streams of residual cum running down your slicked fingers.

"Always looking for your fix from the addiction that's me," you whispered into his ear, laced with an authoritative growl.

You saw Jungkook's head lower out of your periphery, eyes opening, staring at the colorful envelopes with his name printed on them, the cute stickers and neat handwriting, panting your name, tendons and veins standing out on his neck, sweat beading on his tan skin.

A low, dangerous chuckle rising in his throat.

"There's a difference between them and me."

You felt his cock twitch in your hand, ridiculously hard at what you two were about to do.

"They're not going to get their fix."

Jungkook shuddered against you, jerking his hips forward, thick white strings splattering all over the pastel paper as you watched, fascinated, the scent of his cum saturating the air and the envelopes, drops soaking and smearing the carefully written ink, time wasted and defiled.

"I am," he moaned, twisting his body on your arms, leaning down to kiss you hungrily as you squeezed his cock, draining it all out, all over your coffee table and coating your hand, stained with Jeon Jungkook's love letter to you.

masterpost

#jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #bts smut #jungkook smut #jungkook fanfic #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x you #jeon jungkook smut

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sleepysnk · 4 years ago

Text

i made this because honestly i could not get enough of dilf jean 😩❤ i hope you guys enjoy! ♡

Perfect Fit

Pairings: Dilf!Sugar Daddy!Jean Kirstein x Fem!Reader

Warnings: NSFW

A giggle escaped (Y/N)'s lips as she watched Jean take another one of her shopping bags, he was already holding four or five of them around his forearms.

"You sure you can hold all of that?" she asked, a smile on her features.

Jean chuckled, "Of course, anything for you princess."

Her cheeks grew warm from the nickname he had given her, Jean always treated her like a princess anyway; he got her anything she wanted. She was his sugar baby after all. According to Jean, she always deserved the best and the most amazing treatment.

"Where to now?" he asked, shoving his wallet into his pocket.

She started to make her way down the street with him by her side, she wasn't exactly sure where she wanted to go. The two had been to almost every fancy store downtown and it was almost like she couldn't decide, almost like a little kid who got a million different candy choices. This time she got to pick the candy she wanted.

"I'm not sure," she replied, shrugging her shoulders.

Jean put his hand near the small of her back. "We can head back soon.. it has been a long day after all," he whispered, his voice husky.

She felt a chill go down her spine. "Sounds good to me," she smirked.

Jean caught the hint of amusement in her eyes, it was such a turn on for him. He loved the way she could look at him and make him harder than a rock, it was almost like her secret talent.

He looked around the streets for other shops he could take her into, his eyes scanned over the different shops and clothing stores. Nothing really caught his eye, until his vision fell upon the dark maroon doors of the lingerie shop.

His cock twitched at the idea of her in lingerie, she had always worn it for him whenever he asked, but it was always a turn on for him. He always ended up tearing it off and leaving the fabric all ripped, who could blame him? He just likes her that much.

"(Y/N), love," he said, stopping her in her tracks.

She turned to meet him. "What's up?" she asked, blinking.

He nodded his head towards the lingerie shop next to them. "Let's go in here," he replied.

She eyed the shop, shock written all over her face. She was certain she had passed this shop many times before meeting Jean, and she did it for a reason, the lingerie was expensive and it didn't necessarily come cheap.

"Okay.." she said, opening the doors, Jean following behind her.

The smell of perfume filled their noses as they entered, it was warm, almost like a blanket was placed over the two. It was better than the fall air outside.

Jean's eyes explored the different mannequins that had different lingerie placed on them, he could tell that it was the finest quality fabrics. It wasn't any kind of cheap thing a person could find online for $30, it was almost $190.

(Y/N) ran her fingers along the different bra and underwear sets, her mind wondering what she could try on or what color might fit her best. Jean always said she looked good in white or baby pink, he said it reminded him of an angel.

"Jean?" she said, turning back to see him eyeing one of the body suits.

His head turned towards her. "Yes? What's up? Did you find something you like?" he asked, nodding.

She made her way towards him. "No, but I do want to try some things on. Should I start with this?" she said, running her fingers over the fabric.

Jean blinked for a moment before speaking. "Yeah! Try it on, I want to see if it looks nice," he replied, holding it out for her.

She took it from his hands and turned to make her way towards the dressing rooms, a few women stood around looking at the lingerie, others just gawked at the way Jean looked. Who could blame them though? He always looked good.

"Just one?" the worker asked, looking at (Y/N).

She nodded, "Yes please,"

The worker led her to one of the dressing rooms near the far end, Jean trailing behind her with his phone in his hands. He was trying his best to distract the aching of his cock in his pants, but he couldn't help it, the idea of his sugar baby all dressed up for him made all the blood rush to his dick.

"Let me know if you need any help princess," Jean said, leaning against the wall in front of the dressing room she was in.

"I will!" she called back.

Jean looked up from his phone and crossed his arms, he wanted to get back home as soon as possible to relieve this ache. If he didn't he just might have to fuck her in the car, but it'd be such a mess, especially with how the two of them are.

An idea suddenly popped into his head, a dirty one too.

He looked around the hallway he was in, the only visible people around were some of the women going into changing rooms or the one worker who seemed bored out of her mind just standing there.

No one would catch him, right? He could always say she asked for help, plus it'd be quick.

Jean moved towards the door of the room, he could hear her shuffling around behind it. He assumed she was getting naked or somewhat nude, it'd be the perfect opportunity.

He knocked on the door. "(Y/N).. can I come in?" he asked, looking around to see if anyone was nearby.

He felt the doorknob click, she had unlocked the door. "Mhm.." she hummed back.

Jean opened the door and closed it as quick as he could, his eyes were filled with the sight of his sugar baby standing there with the lingerie on.

Oh was it the sight.

It fit her perfectly, the swell of her breasts were outlined by the black material, black hearts covered her nippes, and it hugged her body.

"Is something wrong?" she asked, blinking a bit.

Jean's mouth was slack, "N-No! You look.. so fucking sexy right now. I love it," he replied.

She felt her cheeks growing warm, she always felt bashful around Jean; he had such a way with words that it always made butterflies form in her stomach.

He plopped down in the small chair that was in the room, two mirrors faced each wall, giving Jean a view of both ends of her body.

"Come here.." he said, patting the spot on his lap.

She turned and sat down on his thigh, she felt a chill go down her spine as his hands began to explore the skin of her thighs. He played with the fabric near her cunt, which was starting to grow warm and pool with need.

"J-Jean?" she said, her voice coming out almost like a whimper.

His lips brushed against the skin of her neck, causing goosebumps to flare on her skin. "Do you like that..? It's very lewd of you to be turned on in a public place baby girl,"

A quiet moan escaped her mouth as his fingers found their way to her clit, her arousal pooled around it, soaking the lingerie she was wearing.

"Jean.. please!" she cried, burying her face into the crook of his neck.

Jean chuckled against her skin. "You gotta be quiet for me beautiful.. I don't want anyone to hear your pretty voice when I make you cum," he whispered. "Understand?"

She shook her head instantly. "Y-Yes.."

A smirk formed onto his face. "Good, now take this off. We can't ruin it now, can we?" he said, tugging at the material around her body.

She stood for a second, peeling the lingerie off of her body. It dropped to the floor, leaving her naked and exposed in front of him.

His cock twitched in his pants, he wanted to fuck her so badly. He knew deep down it was impossible to do it without any major noise, so he figured to do something small until they could get home and get the real show started.

"Come sit here, this time facing the mirror," he said, moving the chair so it now sat in front of the mirror.

She sat down on his lap, her back now pressing into his chest. She could feel his heart pounding against his ribcage, his print pressing into her butt.

Jean used his hands to spread her legs open, her feet now on his thighs, she was wide open for him and she could see it in the mirror.

"Fuck me.. look at that pretty pussy," he said, spreading her lips apart to see her hot core; arousal pooling from it.

She threw her head back as she felt his fingers circling her clit, bolts of electricity went through her stomach and down her spine almost instantly.

"Jean.." she whimpered, digging her nails into his jacket.

He nibbled on the shell of her ear. "You're such a good girl.. staying so quiet for me.. do you want my fingers in your pussy (Y/N)?" he asked.

She bucked her hips as she felt his fingers go closer to the entrance of her pussy. "Jean, please! Go inside me.." she cried, squeezing her eyes shut.

A low chuckle rumbled in his throat. "As you wish, pretty girl.." he replied, shoving two digits into her hot cavern.

A loud moan came from her mouth, Jean's fingers filled her hole instantly, she was so wet for him. He could almost cum on the spot from just fingering her, her pussy was always so nice and warm, it drew him in whenever he wanted to fuck her.

"Look at the mirror.." he ordered, putting his arm around her waist.

She looked towards her reflection in front of her, Jean's fingers were knuckle deep inside of her cunt, the sight was turning her on; Jean could feel her walls squeezing around him.

"B-Baby.." she moaned, putting her hand near his wrist to draw him deeper inside.

Jean kissed her at her neck, slightly sucking on the skin. "Look at you.. being such a good girl for daddy, take my fucking fingers," he said, quickening the pace.

She covered her mouth to suppress any noises that threatened to escape, she felt her body growing warm, and her vision going white whenever his fingers hit that spot inside of her.

"Yes.. oh fuck.." she whimpered, looking into the reflection. She could see Jean staring right at her, his honey eyes were blown with lust and desire.

"You wanna cum for me? I can feel you getting close.." Jean said, curling his fingers inside her wet cunt. "You're so wet for me.."

She lifted her hips to inch him deeper, her walls were sucking him in; squelching noises came from her pussy as he thrusted his fingers into her without hesitation. Her hand went to his cheek where she turned his face to meet hers, their lips crashing onto one another.

She gasped as finger curled towards her g-spot, he took the opportunity to explore her mouth with his tongue. The kiss was sloppy, salvia formed around her mouth making their kisses smack.

He pulled away, his eyes going down to her puffy lips. "Fuck, you are one pretty sight. I want you to cum all over my fingers," he said, licking his lips.

She whimpered feeling his fingers quicken against her cunt, his thumb playing with her clit to double the pleasure. It was almost becoming too much, her body was twitching and the knot in her stomach was threatening to break any moment.

"J-Jean! I'm close.." she cried, digging her nails into his wrist.

His eyes went to the mirror, she looked so fucking sexy like that. She was crumbling beneath him, her eyes were squeezed shut and her lips were parted with small moans coming from them. He could feel the way her walls fluttered around him, her orgasm was approaching.

He gripped at the skin of her waist, he pulled her tightly against him; his fingers thrusting into her at that same quick pace. Her moans began to fall from her mouth, she could barely form sentences at that point, the pleasure felt so good and she wanted to cum so bad.

"Cum all over my fucking fingers baby.. you can do it," Jean cooed, nibbling on her ear.

She let out a cry of pleasure as her orgasm took over her body, her walls tightening around his fingers; arousal coating them. Her thighs twitched and her breath became uneven from the effects.

"Good girl.."

She smiled to herself from the praise, she could barely stand from all of it. Her body was warm, a layer of sweat was glistening on her skin.

"Suck," he said, holding his fingers near her lips.

She opened her mouth letting his fingers slide in, her slick coating her tongue; the taste filling her mouth.

Jean removed his fingers from her mouth, a trail of saliva connected from her lips to the tips. He rubbed off the spit and tapped her thigh.

"Come on.. let's check out and get out of here," he said, sitting up in the chair.

She stood on wobbly legs, she quickly threw on her clothes and picked up the lingerie which was hanging on the wall. Jean came over to her, pressing a kiss onto her cheek before heading towards the door of the dressing room.

Jean took her hand into his, heading towards the checkout counter. The two stood waiting as the cashier began to scan the item, Jean's hand went to her ass, causing her to look up at him.

"Let me get you another one.. this one is covered in something," the cashier said, smiling a bit.

(Y/N)'s cheeks grew warm, a chuckle coming from Jean. "Weird! We didn't notice that," he replied.

The cashier came over with the same lingerie. "Have a good day," she said, handing over the bag.

(Y/N) smiled and exited the store with Jean, embarrassment written all over her face. "That was.. not good," she said, rubbing the back of her neck.

Jean chuckled, taking her hand into his. "I found it pretty amusing.. but we should finish what we started," he said, smirking.

"Sounds like a plan to me.." she replied, looking up at him.

Jean laughed before taking her towards the car.

#anime #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #aot x reader #aot x y/n #aot imagines #aot fanfiction #snk x y/n #snk x reader #snk imagines #snk fanfiction #shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction #jean kirstein #jean kirstein x reader #jean x reader #attack on titan fanfiction #anime fanfic #aot smut

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just-another-blog-of-fluff · 3 years ago

Text

Can't Keep a Secret

Word count: 4300

Warnings: tickling, fluff, reader with an inability to keep secrets, reader with a crush on a certain god of mischief

I'm so excited for 100 followers!! I didn't expect so many people to actually be interested in my writing when I started posting 🥰

This one is based on @atlas-of-the-universe's request here for a fic where Loki tickles the reader to get information of some kind 😉 I hope this is what you were looking for!

This one also has a little more crushing/romantic fluff than some of my other fics at the end, so if you're not into that just skip that part. As always, completely SFW!

* * *

No one ever seemed to do anything nice for Loki. So, when Thor approached you to ask if you’d help him and the others plan a surprise birthday party for his brother, you wholeheartedly agreed to assist. As the Avengers’ best party planner, you jumped at the chance to start brainstorming ideas to make this party the best Loki had ever experienced – including on Asgard. And, if it meant he’d pay a little extra attention to you, well… that was an added bonus.

The only problem was – you were terrible at keeping secrets.

It wasn’t as if you went around spilling the details when someone asked you not to tell the others about something. You knew enough not to just blurt out the fact that you were planning a party. Unfortunately, though, you had a tendency to let your feelings show in your facial expressions. Trying to keep secrets made you anxious, knowing you’d been the one to accidentally say just a little bit too much in the past and ruined other surprises.

The fact that you were the worst secret keeper was no… secret, for lack of a better word. Your teammates frequently exploited this fact when they wanted to know what you were hiding from them. Tony, especially, loved to talk circles around you until he could get you to trip up and give some detail away. On the other hand, they also tried not to let you in on too many details when they were planning a surprise for one of the other team members.

This time, you were determined not to give anything away. You were thrilled that the team was finally going to do something special for Loki, and you were NOT going to ruin it by spilling the beans to the trickster. Thor was probably one of the more trusting members of the Avengers, and he assured you when he asked you to help with the party that he had faith you wouldn’t screw up (quite literally in those words).

You started researching online to get some ideas. This party had to live up to the standards of an Asgardian prince, so you couldn’t just order a few pizzas and beer and call it a party. Plus, Tony had offered to pay for the whole thing (you suspected he felt guilty for having accidentally blasted Loki through a wall in the training room with his new Ironman suit the week prior) so your funds were basically limitless.

Inevitably, though, you were bound to run into situations where you had to spend time with the raven-haired god without allowing yourself to let any details slip.

The moment Loki first started to suspect you were hiding something was when he walked in on a conversation you were having with Thor in the kitchen. You had been asking him about the Asgardian mead his brother loved so much and wanted to know if he could manage to get some here on Midgard for the party.

“What is it about the Asgardian mead that you like so much better than standard alcohol?” you inquired curiously.

“Ha! That is a very funny question, Lady Y/N,” Thor laughed heartily. “As if any Midgardian liquor could so much as hold a candle to the spirits we drink on Asgard.”

“Hey! I enjoy my tequila! Margaritas are arguably a delicious alcoholic beverage,” you bantered.

“You truly believe this ‘margarita’ as you call it could compare to the smooth, sophisticated taste of an Asgardian mead?” Thor countered.

“I must agree with my brother on this one – I have seen this ‘margarita’ drink you speak of, and it is highly unlikely to be superior to Asgardian spirits.”

You gasped involuntarily when you heard Loki’s voice in the doorway, spinning around to face him with a look of bewilderment on your face. He cocked his head to the side, raising an eyebrow as he scrutinized your expression.

“Oh, hey Loki! Didn’t see you there,” you greeted, trying to lean casually against the counter you were standing beside.

“Yes… it appears you didn’t. You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.” Loki folded his arms across his chest, eyeing you intently. “What was it that brought you to the subject of Asgardian liquor?”

“Oh, that? Well…”

“I was just informing Lady Y/N that I have been feeling a bit nostalgic thinking about the celebrations we had on Asgard, when we would drink heartily with Lady Sif and the Warriors Three,” Thor cut in, quickly interrupting you mid-sentence. “Brother, you must recall the time you had a bit too much while drinking with us and…”

“I believe that’s quite enough nostalgia for one evening, dear brother,” Loki cut in, appearing almost frantic as he glanced quickly at you before turning back to glare at the elder Asgardian. “Stark asked me to inform you he requires your assistance in the laboratory. You’ll need to continue this conversation another time.”

“Ah, yes, alright then. Another time,” Thor agreed, winking at you before he exited the kitchen. Loki followed close behind, but not before giving you one last calculating glance before he crossed through the doorway and out of sight. You let out a breath of relief, hoping he hadn’t thought much of the conversation.

You noticed, though, that Loki started conveniently popping up around you more often after that incident. Maybe he didn’t want Thor to have the opportunity to tell you about whatever embarrassing story had occurred when they were younger, you thought. Regardless, it meant that you had to be extremely cautious about doing any planning for the party in any of the common areas.

The second time you nearly let something slip was during a hushed conversation in the training room with Peter after one of your sparring matches. He had pulled you aside after training to ask your opinion about whether he should ask his friend MJ to attend the party with him. He’d had a crush on the girl for quite some time, and now that she knew his secret identity he thought it might be time to introduce her to his Avengers family.

“I’m nervous she might not want to come, but I think it would be a great chance for her to meet everyone when the focus would be on someone else,” he explained. You hiked your backpack up onto your shoulder with your training gear and made your way toward the door to the training room with Peter by your side.

“Why wouldn’t she want to come? From what you’ve told me, she seems to be more of a social butterfly than you are, even,” you asked.

“Yeah… you’re right, I’m probably overthinking this, aren’t I?” he chuckled. “I just don’t want to screw things up!”

“What are you screwing up this time, spiderling?”

You stopped short as you heard Loki’s voice from behind you, making your heart leap into your throat. You turned around, trying not to look startled.

“Oh, Peter wants his friend MJ to attend… a training session with us!” you fibbed, trying to think quickly. “You know, so he can show her his Spider-Man moves!”

“Yeah! That’s right,” Peter agreed, nodding vigorously. “I’m going to go call her right now, thanks Y/N!” Peter scurried off down the hallway, leaving you standing with a somewhat skeptical looking god of mischief.

“Why was Peter asking you about inviting a friend to his training? Would he not have asked Stark?” Loki inquired. You shrugged in a non-committal way.

“Who knows? Anyway, uh, it was nice talking to you, but I’ve got to get going… big assignment to finish up tonight, can’t really stop and chat. See you later!” you blurted, not waiting for a response as you hurried toward your room. Phew, that was close, you thought to yourself, hoping he hadn’t been standing behind you for too long.

Later that week, you found yourself alone in the common room while watching television. You pulled out your laptop during one of the commercials and started searching the internet for caterers, hoping to find something fancy enough to appeal to an Asgardian god. You had thought that everyone else was out for the day, so you weren’t overly concerned about anyone seeing what you were doing.

“What mindless reality television show are you watching today?” The smooth, baritone voice caused you to jerk your head up from your laptop screen and instinctively slam it shut. He hadn’t even been standing behind you to see what you were searching – it was purely on reflex that you closed the computer. Loki raised his eyebrows at you. “I see you aren’t really watching anything, are you? What is it you were viewing on your computer?”

“Nothing! I mean, nothing exciting, really. Just some old photos that I was trying to sort through,” you stammered, standing up with the laptop clutched to your chest. “You can have the TV if you want, though. I have to go… work on that assignment some more. I was just taking a break. It’s almost done!” Loki opened his mouth as if to say something, but you didn’t wait around to let him ask any more questions that might make you give away something you shouldn’t. You spent the rest of the evening in your room, avoiding the trickster at all costs.

The next morning, after getting ready for the day, you grabbed some breakfast before heading back to your room to continue to do some additional party planning research where Loki wouldn’t walk in on you unexpectedly. You shoved the last bite of one of Thor’s pop-tarts that you’d stolen into your mouth as you approached your door, opening it and walking toward your desk where your laptop sat. You always left the door slightly ajar when you were in your room, and so you were quite surprised when you heard the door thump shut behind you, the lock clicking into place.

“You’ve been hiding something from me.”

You stopped dead in your tracks, your heart pounding in your chest. You turned around slowly, staring wide-eyed at the god of mischief now standing in your bedroom between you and your only exit. His hands were clasped behind his back, his blue-green eyes gleaming ominously as he stared you down.

“Oh, hey Loki! What brings you to my room?” you asked, trying to sound casual.

“Let’s end this little charade, hmm?” He took a few slow paces forward into the room, closing the distance between the two of you. “It’s become clear to me over the last week that you have knowledge of some information that you do not want me to become aware of. I’d like you to tell me what it is.” His tone was calm; low, but dangerous. You swallowed hard.

“Loki, I-I’m not sure what you mean. I don’t have any secrets.” You took a step back from the advancing Asgardian, your back meeting the cold, hard wood of your desk behind you.

“We can do this the easy way or the hard way. The choice is up to you,” he threatened, stepping even closer so he was only a foot away from where you stood trapped against your desk. “Tell me what it is you’re hiding, or I will… coerce you into talking.”

“Coerce me? Heh, what’s that supposed to mean?” you asked nervously, your hands gripping the desk behind you.

“I have my ways. I am the god of mischief, after all.” Loki stood in front of you unmoving, a barrier holding you hostage against your desk.

“Even if I did have something to hide, you wouldn’t hurt me. Your brother would kill you,” you warned.

“I never suggested I would hurt you, darling. I would never do such a thing.” He took the slightest step closer. “You seem tense. Am I making you nervous?”

“Very.”

“Good.” A smirk tugged at the corners of his lips. “Have you decided, then? Will we be doing this the easy way or the hard way?”

“I told you, I have nothing to hide,” you insisted.

“Very well then. We’ll do this the hard way.” Quickly, you darted around Loki toward the door, trying to make your escape. He was faster, though, catching you with an arm around your waist and dragging you back so your back was against his chest. “Tell me, darling…” he growled in your ear, making you shiver, “… are you… ticklish?”

“Wha-“ you opened your mouth to protest but stopped speaking as you felt gentle scratching on your side. You shook your head quickly, suppressing the giggles that were threatening to rise out of your throat. If you stood still long enough, maybe he would give up.

“Do you think you’re fooling me by not allowing yourself to laugh? I felt you tense up immediately the moment I touched you.” He tightened his grip, wrapping both arms around your waist and digging his fingers into your sides. You snorted at the sudden sensation, doubling over to try to fight your way out of his grasp. “As I suspected. You are extraordinarily ticklish.”

“S-shut up, Loki!” you demanded, your muscles relaxing as his fingers stilled against your sides. He released you, allowing you to turn and face him but still standing in between you and the door.

“Now then – are you going to tell me what it is you’re hiding? Or do I need to tickle you until you are begging for mercy?”

You felt your face flush with heat. You’d been tickled before, certainly, but only for a few seconds at a time, and never as a means to pry information from you. Truthfully, though, you were enjoying this playful side of Loki. You were also determined not to tell him about the party – it would be so much more fun if it were a surprise, and he deserved to have fun. You braced yourself, folding your arms defiantly across your chest.

“There’s nothing to tell.”

Before you could react, Loki had tackled you, and you found yourself flat on the floor with your wrists pinned over your head. Your heart hammered against your ribcage as the dark-haired Asgardian loomed over you, his smirk growing wider.

“I see you’ve made your choice, then. But I should warn you – I don’t do mercy.” The fingertips of his free hand connected with your belly, lightly tracing the soft skin through your shirt. You turned your head so you wouldn’t have to look at him, his knowing stare making it more difficult to prevent yourself from laughing. Slowly, he applied more pressure until he was clawing at your belly with all five fingers, varying between the center and sides and analyzing your expression to evaluate your response.

“I-I’m telling y-you, t-there’s nothing to t-tell,” you insisted, jolting a little each time his fingers found a particularly sensitive spot.

“Unfortunately, I don’t believe you.” He shifted his attack to your side, his fingers spidering gradually up your ribcage. Your nerves were alight with ticklish shocks, helpless giggles now bubbling out of your chest.

“W-whyhyhy don’t you believe mehehe?” you asked, your tone starting to sound more desperate.

“You’re not exactly subtle. It’s rather obvious when you’re trying to keep a secret.” Loki was now scratching in between your upper ribs, and your giggles were evolving into desperate laughter. “I see this is becoming more challenging for you. I wonder – should I try to identify all of your weak spots? Surely one of them will get you talking.”

“NOHOHO LOKI!” you pleaded, thrashing to try to free your wrists from his grasp.

“You’ll need to provide me some information, then. What was it you were really discussing with my brother the other night?”

“HE TOHOHOLD YOU!!” You shrieked as Loki’s fingers found purchase under one of your arms, your feet pounding against the floor in desperation.

“Honestly, Y/N, I didn’t believe a word either of you said.” His fingertips grazed the underside of your upper arm, tracing from your elbow down to your underarm and back up again. You hadn’t realized how ticklish the soft skin of your arm could be, but his maddeningly light touch had you writhing to try to evade his fingers.

“STAHAHAP THAT!” you begged, yanking at your restrained wrists to try to lower your arms. Even before you were in this weakened state, the god of mischief was stronger than you.

“Then talk.”

“NEVER!”

“Aha!” he exclaimed suddenly, lifting his fingers away from your arm. You sucked in air desperately, letting out the residual giggles as he allowed you a moment to recover. “You ARE hiding something! You’ve given yourself away.”

“I… but… no I didn’t!” you pouted. He chuckled, a genuine grin spreading across his face at your adorable, disappointed frown.

“It’s too late now. You may as well tell me your secret.”

“I won’t tell! I’ll never tell!” you barked, a sudden surge of bravery rushing through you.

“I’m afraid I must continue, then,” he stated, feigning pity. “Why don’t you tell me where else you are ticklish instead?”

“What? No! I won’t tell you that either!”

“Fine. It’s much more amusing for me to locate your weak spots myself anyway.” Loki released your wrists and in the same motion reached behind him to squeeze above your knees with both hands. You yelped at the unexpected touch, trying with difficulty to sit up now that your arms were free. You reached toward Loki’s sides to try to retaliate but he was too perceptive, grabbing a wrist in each hand using his cat-like reflexes. “You don’t want to do that, darling,” he warned.

“Oh, but I think I do,” you argued, trying your hardest to break free of his grip. He wrestled with you for a moment, successfully forcing you onto your stomach so you could no longer sit up and try to counterattack.

“Now then – where were we?” he huffed as he sat himself down on the back of your legs, pinning you in place. You lifted your upper body up onto your elbows and turned to look at him, keeping a close eye on his hands. “Ah, that’s right. You were about to tell me what you were discussing with the spiderling the other day.”

“No I was-“ your retort died in your mouth as Loki’s fingertips touched down on the backs of your knees. “L-Loki, hold on, don’t you even think about it.”

“Why? Too sensitive?” he teased, tracing one finger along the tendon in the back of your knee. You let out a squeal, only egging him on as he began to flutter his fingers against the thin skin there.

“LOKI I WILL KIHIHILL YOHOHOU!”

“You hardly sound threatening when you’re giggling like a child,” he taunted, tracing along the skin on the inner sides of your knees. You reached back desperately with one hand while holding yourself up with the other elbow, trying to grab hold of his tickling fingers. He snickered at your feeble attempts, reaching up quickly to slide his fingers under your arm so your elbow would buckle beneath your torso before returning his attention to your knees. “This could all stop if you’d just tell me what your secret is.”

At this point, you’d come to the embarrassing realization that you were actually having fun, despite your abdominal muscles aching from laughing so hard. You were also still determined to keep the party a secret, if not for you then for Loki’s own good. You picked yourself back up onto your elbows so you could turn and look back at him defiantly.

“No!” you declared.

“No? I see I must not be trying hard enough, then. Let’s try somewhere else, shall we?” Loki shifted his weight so he could pin your legs down with his shin, his gaze turning down toward your socked feet.

“Don’t… you… dare!” you warned, noticing where his line of sight was directed. He placed his fingertips teasingly against the soles of your feet, maintaining eye contact with you, eyes glowing with mischief.

“I’ll give you one final chance. Spill,” he ordered. You merely smirked back at him.

“Make me.”

Without another word, Loki sprang back into action, his torturous fingertips skimming along the soles of your feet. Frantic giggles spilled from your lips as you tried jerking your feet away from his touch without success.

“I’d wager you’re regretting what you said now, aren’t you?” he goaded, scratching under your toes with one finger on each foot. Your giggles pitched up as you curled your toes to prevent him from reaching the sensitive skin. “Are you prepared to talk now?”

“NEHEHEVER!!” you screeched, still determined to win. Eventually he’d get tired of this and give up, right?

“Then I’m afraid you leave me no choice.” You practically screamed in ticklish agony as his fingers once again connected with your ribs, darting rapidly up and down your sides and under your arms, scribbling into the small of your back, fluttering against the sides of your neck and behind your ears, never staying in one place long enough to grow accustomed to the sensation. Your laughter fell silent as you tapped your hand hard on the floor, signaling you were giving up. Seeing your signal, Loki’s fingers stilled against you, still pressed gently into your sides as a warning that he could start right back up again at any moment. “Talk.”

“I will… alright… just… just give me a sec,” you huffed, your chest heaving with exertion. Your mind was racing, trying to come up with a plausible lie that would satisfy the god of lies. Your heart sank as you realized you couldn’t possibly come up with something in the next ten seconds that would fool him. It had to be the truth. “I’ll tell you, but you have to swear to me you won’t tell your brother that I told you.”

“That depends on what it is you’re about to tell me,” Loki bantered.

“No, I’m serious!” Loki shifted so his weight was no longer pressed on your legs, and you turned over into a seated position on the floor. “Promise me you won’t tell.”

“Fine. I promise. Now tell me.” You took a deep breath.

“We’re planning a party. For you. It was supposed to be a surprise.”

Loki was silent for a moment, his expression unreadable. His blue-green eyes searched yours as if trying to find any hint of a lie in your face. His face softened a bit as he began to realize you were actually telling the truth.

“What for?” he asked, his tone flat.

“For your birthday.”

“We don’t celebrate birthdays on Asgard, we have far too many of them to be excited for them.”

“Ugh, Loki, don’t you get it? Thor wanted to do something nice for you! I wanted to do something nice for you!” You held his gaze, trying to prove to him you still weren’t lying.

“You wanted to do something for me?” His voice was low, but there was something different about his tone; something you hadn’t heard before. Hope? Excitement? You averted your gaze down to the floor, poking at the fibers in the carpet with your finger.

“Yeah, I did. You deserve something nice. You’ve come a long way since New York. And you’re… a good friend.” You felt heat rush to your face. You’d nearly revealed another secret, one you had no intention of telling him today. Or ever. Unfortunately, Loki was perceptive.

“That sounded like another lie, Y/N,” he stated ominously. You risked a glance up at him, seeing a smirk slowly spreading across his face.

“What?! No, it’s not!” you argued, the warmth in your face spreading to your ears.

“Haven’t you learned not to lie to me by now?” Loki suddenly grabbed hold of your waist, dragging you closer to him. “Or do I need to repeat the lesson?” His fingers latched onto your ribcage, squeezing and kneading with maddening precision. Still exhausted from the previous attack, you immediately caved.

“ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! I like you, ok??” Loki stopped tickling you, not yet releasing you from his grasp. You covered your flushed face with your hands. “Happy now?”

Loki pried your hands gently away from your face, tilting your chin up with his finger. His eyes were softer than you’d ever seen them before as he gazed at you, a small smile on his face. With a surge of confidence, you closed the gap between your faces, pressing your lips to his. He kissed you back, gently but passionately all at once. When he finally pulled away, he grinned at you.

“Yes, I am happy,” he said simply. You smiled shyly back at him.

“Good.” You hardened your expression a bit, although admittedly it was hard to wipe the smile off your face. “You still have to act surprised. I can’t have people thinking I can’t keep a secret.” Loki laughed at that, his voice rumbling in his chest.

“But you can’t, darling.” He gave you one last poke in the side, eliciting a whine from you. “I’ll do my best to act surprised. I am the god of lies, after all. I should be able to put on a convincing display.”

“Good.” You allowed him to help you to your feet before shooing him out the door. “Now, get out of my room. I still have planning to do.”

“Alright, alright,” he chuckled, stopping in the doorway to look at you. “I’ll go, but only if you’ll have dinner with me tonight.”

“Only if you don’t tickle me,” you countered.

“Sorry, love, but I can’t make any promises,” he replied, winking. You sighed, smiling at him.

“I guess I’ll take my chances then.”

#loki tickle #ticklish!reader #tickle fluff #tickle fic #marvel tickle

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lululawrence · 3 years ago

Note

Can u please be nicer on ao3? Maybe you should try answering people's comments

when i read the first line i was honestly flabbergasted and wracking my brain trying to figure out when in the world i wasn't nice on ao3 ever. because i honestly truly try to be nice to everyone always, even when i'm angry or frustrated or people are going after those i love and want to protect. if there was a time i WASN'T nice on ao3, i wondered if it was maybe because my comment had been misunderstood or someone saw me razzing an author i'm good friends with and they didn't get that we are close and i said what i did with so much love and appreciation, you know? like what??? did i do???

but then i read your second line. and please forgive me if i come off as rude in my response to this, because honestly i'm in a pretty bad spot mentally and emotionally in general right now, but PARTICULARLY today, and this ask triggered an anxiety response in me. so. i'm trying really hard to word this in a way to educate without being condescending or mean, but i might not succeed.

firstly, thank you for your comments i'm assuming you've left. i'm also assuming they were nice comments, in which case extra thanks. i'm sure i'll send you effusive responses on ao3 when the time comes.

secondly, please understand that sending an ask like this, on anonymous no less, is incredibly entitled. writing is not my profession, i receive no compensation for my works that i post for free online, and as a part of that it is not required of me to respond. i do my very best to reply to every comment i receive, but it is not always in a timely manner, because i have other priorities in my life. all of which leads us to my third point, which is:

writers do not owe you a reply to your comments. end of. there are no other qualifications or quantifying modifiers to be added to the statement. is it nice to be acknowledged and know your comment was seen? sure. but do they OWE you one? hell no.

in fact, i'd like to offer you a suggestion. a way of tweaking your thinking about the comments you leave on fics. instead of looking at comments you leave as being something that deserves a reply from the author, think of your comments as your way of paying the author for the gift of their time and talents that they have shared with you by posting their fic. that's how i think of the comments i leave for authors. i'm giving them my thanks for the words they've shared! i want to help THEM feel as amazing as they have made ME feel when i read their fic. in fact, my hope isn't necessarily a response from them, but instead my hope is THE GIFT OF THEM SHARING MORE FIC WITH ME. i'm a selfish bitch in that way and i always want all the fic to read. i never want that well to go dry. one way i can ensure that doesn't happen is by supporting authors and being kind to them and spreading all the love and excitement i can about their writing in the hopes that my words will inspire them to share more.

because whether they reply or not, i GUARANTEE they are seeing your comments. i PROMISE they are. and for all you know, your comment might be the one that keeps them writing even when their words aren't coming easily or when they are tempted to give up.

but, again, please remember that no matter what, these authors (including me) don't actually owe you anything.

the rest of this is going under a cut, because honestly my reply is already far too long and i have a LOT more to say now that you've gotten me started.

now, all of this in mind, i'll explain to you why i'm not great with keeping up with comments made on my fics the last couple of years. i don't owe you this explanation any more than i owe you a response to your comments, and i'm honestly not sure you deserve this explanation either, but i'll still offer it anyway. it'll help me feel better knowing i at least put this out there, whether you care or not, mainly because if i don't do that it will cause me greater anxiety having you possibly think i am not responding to people because i feel all high and mighty or that i think i'm better than the comments or whatever the fuck kind of motivation you're attributing to me to see my lack of a response as something "not nice" towards the commenters.

i'm not sure if you've noticed, but i put out a lot of fic. like a lot. a lot of words and shit. i love writing, it's often my therapy and a way for me to help keep my anxiety and depression and ptsd at bay.

now, more personal shit for you, i've got three kids ages 9 and under. the oldest has adhd which we have yet to find a med for that helps to the extent she needs without side effects that aren't healthy for her to continue with, she also has anxiety, AND she's extremely gifted and starting a new program at a new school, all in the midst of a pandemic. and all of those situations exacerbate her anxiety! huzzah! she's also dealing with the beginning of her tween growing up shit, which is great fun because it means where she used to be pretty damn understanding of her younger brother, she is finding it much more difficult to. because the second oldest? he's autistic with some pretty significant gross motor, speech, and socialization delays that have only been exacerbated because of the previously mentioned pandemic. PLUS he transitioned from his special needs preschool to a fully integrated elementary school for kindergarten last year and then had to deal with all the ups and downs of the switch from e-learning to hybrid to all in schooling when everything in him screams for a normal schedule he can rely on to keep his own anxieties and fears and struggles at their minimum. and that youngest child? he was born in january of last year. he STILL barely leaves the house and has only met other children in close range a couple of times because, once again, pandemic!

add onto all of this my own mental health issues, the fact that my husband ALSO battles major clinical depression, adhd, and anxiety, AND we live with my parents who have their own health issues, both mental and physical. i run the home for our house of seven. i keep this place functioning, fed, clothed, clean, and everywhere we need to be for all of our five million appointments every. fucking. day. there is a REASON i've been borderline burnt out for the last fucking year and a half.

now, for fun, i have fandom shit. i love it here, even if it is a dumpster fire on the best of days, and getting to be a part of the writing community is so very lovely. i adore it. honestly, it's because of those friendships i've built with other writers that i have been able to keep writing and have found just how helpful it can be for my mental health. but i'm REALLY. INCREDIBLY. BUSY. i hardly have time to get on tumblr for just a quick swipe through my dash most days. i put off asks so long i forget i have them. i don't have the mental and emotional capacity to talk to people on here or interact fully a lot of the time. but i do my best to do so and be kind while i'm at it even when i don't want to be.

then, on top of that? i also run fic fests like @wordplayfics and help friends run their own. because not only am i a writer, i'm a reader. i LOVE fic. fic has saved me soooooo many times over the past seven years that i've been here. i want to do what i can to support other writers the best way i can, which is to provide a space for them to create their works that welcomes and helps promote them, but also by doing my monthly fic lists and pocast highlighting what i've been able to read, reblogging their fic posts, and then commenting and kudosing their fics too.

sometimes i get really fucking down on myself because i'm so behind on replying to comments, but my brain is very much a "if you start this, you have to finish it" kind of a brain, and i feel even WORSE sometimes if i reply to comments on some fics and not all of them. but i do my best and reply when i can. i was actually really fucking proud of myself because i had a couple days to myself in june, and i spent hours replying to comments on 20 of my fics. when you have almost 150 fics (i think? i don't even know how many fics i've posted by now), that is only scratching the surface. but i tried and i was so so happy i did that many fics at once. it's exhausting, though, and takes a lot of spoons for me to reply to them in mass like that plus time consuming. so i tried to be happy with those 20 fics and the comments i responded to there and told myself that when i ha a moment to breathe, i'd go and work on replying to some more.

but see, that again causes anxiety and guilt. because i haven't replied to all of them. and that anxiety and guilt can cause me to put it off further OR to put off important things like feeding my children or getting sleep in order to finish it, so i have to make myself put things into perspective and ensure i'm doing the important things, like taking care of myself and my family, first.

and then, i have a moment where i CAN go ahead and reply to comments... but i also have MANY fics that are on deadline and i actually have a schedule. a SCHEDULE. for when i'm going to focus on which fics. i can spell it out for you if you really want. i made it back in APRIL to make sure i didn't sign up for too many fic fests because there are so many going on right now that i want to participate in, but i know i can't do all of them so i had to pick and choose. and when you are SO overscheduled and busy that back in APRIL you had to figure out what fics you would focus on at what time to ensure you got everything written when you wanted to through THE END OF THE YEAR, more choices have to be made.

for example. my writing time and time for myself came down to only one evening a week for ALL fandom things i'm doing and a part of right now once the kids were out of school for the summer. it quickly became apparent that for my own self care i needed more time, so i worked with my husband to find two other days i could carve out at least 30-60 minutes to myself to write every week. and i did. but if i'm already only getting that much time and have committed to those fics and fests and things that you're running etc, you have to choose am i going to use this time to try to squeeze in some comment replies? or am i going to write? and i choose to write. simple as that.

so yeah. see it as selfish if you want. see it as mean. you can honestly see it as whatever the fuck you want, but for me? i know that as soon as i possibly can and i can breathe freely for once and not feel like i am constantly drowning in my day to day life and am doing pretty well when it comes to my fic deadlines and getting started on those christmas cards i'm once again going to be making by hand for everyone on tumblr who chooses to sign up for one this year out of the KINDNESS of my heart and the love i really do feel for so many of you, then i promise i'll be on ao3 catching up and commenting. my friends laugh and make fun of me for it sometimes, because they will sometimes get 10-12 replies to their comments in a single day. they know that's how i work. i WILL reply to every single comment i get, no matter how old it is. but for the love of all that is holy, do NOT add to the anxiety and guilt i already feel over it. the only place that will get you is the ask/comment getting deleted if it's a good day, a fucking long rant like this one if it's not, and a block if it's a REALLY bad day.

if you're asking me to be nice on ao3, then i ask in return that you also be nice by not demanding things of people that they are not in any way obligated to give.

#long post #rant #i almost deleted this #but you sent it on just the right day and instead i let loose #this is unedited and unbetaed lmao but ENJOY #or don't #whatever #writing stuff #i should tag it #writing SHIT #but that's not really a tag i keep cause who wants to keep track of the negatives #not me

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baroquebucky · 4 years ago

Text

fundraisers

bucky finds love where he least expects it

word count: 1.9k

masterlist

a/n: hi bffs i am back w my usual fluff ,, i hope u all enjoy !! let me know what u all think ! a fundraiser? more like raising buckys heart rate ! (I’m funny please laugh)

“it’ll be fun! It’s for a fundraiser and my friend is counting on us” Sam spoke, “and plus when was the last time you went to an arcade?” He questioned and bucky rolled his eyes.

“I’m 106 i don’t go to arcades” bucky grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and looking to the side. Sam rolled his eyes, walking over and sitting down next to his friend.

“Cmon buck y/n will kill me if you don’t show up, she already promised who know how many people that we’d show up” sam frowned and bucky looked at him angrily.

“fine whatever” bucky agreed reluctantly, “but I’m leaving after the first hour” he added quickly and sam smiled at him, knowing he would end up staying the whole time.

“you’ll get along just fine” Sam smiled, “the easiest thing you can do in life is fall in love with y/n y/l/n” bucky rolled his eyes. Fat chance.

“When is it anyway” bucky asked, sam gave him a toothy grin before replying, “tonight at 6! See you there at 5!” He spoke quickly, rushing out of the super soldier’s apartment before he could suffer the consequences.

Bucky groaned, his hands flying to his face before he checked the time, he had three hours before he had to head out.

You were giddy, it was your first fundraiser for your new nonprofit, posters spread around the arcade in hopes of reaching your goal. You expected a larger crowd tonight, the buzz of Captain America and The Winter Soldier making a guest appearance made your heart race.

You smiled as you saw bucky walk in at 5:30, you checked yourself out in the mirror next to you before walking towards him with a smile.

“Mr. Barnes! hi I’m y/n” you grinned, holding out your hand. He shook it lightly before giving you a tight smile, looking around for Sam.

“uh, wheres sam? He said he would be here by now” he asked you let out a breathy laugh, shaking your head.

“he’ll probably get here at like 5:30, he’s always late” you smiled and bucky laughed a little, the sound making your smile widen.

“I’ll let you go change into your suit, the restrooms are right over there” you smiled and bucky nodded, heading towards the restrooms, bag in hand with his suit.

Before you knew it people were filing in, Sam running out just in the nick of time to stand next to bucky.

As everyone met and took pictures with the two avengers you made small talk with some business people, giving out information about your fundraiser and graciously accepting donations left and right. You skipped over to the giant whiteboard near the prizes, smiling widely throughout the night as you colored in the box closer to the goal. Bucky smiled at how excited you were, he admired how passionate you seemed about your project.

The night progressed and you finished making rounds with most of the visitors, many people taking interest in how to help and spreading the word online. You finally let yourself relax, heading over to Sam and bucky who had already changed back to regular clothes and were sitting by the restaurant area.

“how’d it go?” You smiled at sam, ordering a water quickly.

“it was good, lots of people” he spoke, “my cheeks hurt from smiling, can’t imagine how hard it was for this guy” he teased bucky, nudging him with his elbow. Bucky frowned at sam, sitting up a bit straighter.

“i smile all the time” bucky spoke gruffly, “I’m a happy guys I’ll have you know” he turned his attention to you, smiling for a second.

“i never said you weren’t happy” sam shot back and you smiled as the two friends bickered.

“You implied it!” Bucky frowned and you laughed.

“okay notes break it up” you sighed, smiling as you finished your bottle of water. “any one wanna get their ass handed to them in air hockey?”

Sams eyes widened and he shook his head quickly, you groaned. Bucky looked at him confused, squinting his eyes a little.

“no way” sam replied and you pouted.

“why not?” You frowned, bucky was quiet as he observed the two of you.

“you’re a whole different person when you play!” Sam continued to shake his head, eating some of the fries bucky ordered, earning him a small angry ‘hey’ from the metal armed man.

“oh they can’t be that bad surely” bucky smiled at you, the frown on your face quickly replaced with a grin as you grabbed his metal hand and dragged him towards the air hockey table.

“oh god” sam mumbled, getting up from his seat and following the two of you through the crowd.

“you know how to play?” you asked bucky and he nodded. You handed him a paddle, and grabbed the puck, slipping in some coins and smiling brightly.

“for the record i am on Buckys team, simply out of spite” Sam spoke loudly, still eating Buckys fries.

“you’re eating all my fries!” Bucky grumbled and Sam rolled his eyes, shoving another handful of fries into his mouth.

“ready?” You asked and bucky nodded, you hit the puck gently, easing into the game. Bucky stuck it quickly, a smirk on his face as it smoothly went in. Your mouth dropped open as he scored.

“from what Sam said i thought you were better than that doll” bucky smirked, you felt butterflies in your stomach but you shoved them down, determined to beat him.

“was gonna go easy on you considering you might break your back trying to get the puck” you shot back, sams mouth wide open at your comment. Bucky smirked, you were witty and cute?

You took the puck and placed it down, hitting it quickly and bouncing it off the walls of the table, bucky strikes it quickly, you managed to hit it back before he scored and landed it cleanly in the goal. You smiled in satisfaction.

1-1

“glad to know you can score” bucky teased, hitting the puck, both of you focused on the game as you spoke.

“glad to know you won’t get a heart attack trying to keep up, old man” Sam watched from the side, eating the fries and enjoying the entertainment.

“i keep up quite well sweetheart” bucky replied, hitting the puck sharply and scoring, your eyes met and he smirked. You narrowed your eyes at him, grabbing the puck and hitting it quickly, he bounced it off the wall and you struck back without hesitation, the two of you going back and forth before you stuck the puck softly, catching him off guard before hitting it again and scoring.

“we’ll see about that james” your tone was sharp, bucky was taken back at the venom in your voice, looking at Sam with wide eyes.

“i warned you” the man chuckled, eating the last couple fries.

Bucky turned back to the game, both of you fiercely trying to score on the other.

“cmon thought you were a super soldier? cant use that extra strength to beat me?” You teased as you scored, bucky rolling his eyes at your tone.

“want me to put it to good use?” Buckys voice got deeper and you gulped a little, your Kees growing weak. He smirked and placed the puck on the table, your eyes unfocused as you thought of the tone of his voice. He scored easily, winning at you. “cats got your tongue?”

Your competitive nature got the best of you, anger rising in your chest as you saw the score, 9-8. You need two points to win, no way he was gonna beat you.

You set the puck down on the table, hitting it as soon as bucky tried to score again, not giving him time to move, a smile on your face as you heard it slide into the goal.

9-9

Bucky was silent as he set the puck down again, hitting it quickly, you were quick to react, bouncing it off the wall and into his own paddle. As bucky tried to move back to block the puck, he accidentally hit the puck with his paddle, causing it to slide into the goal and score on himself.

“i thought you could keep up?” You whined, pouting a bit before smirking at him proudly. Bucky bit his lip as the machine announced your win. You smiled at him as he set the paddle on the table, winking at him before turning around and telling Sam you were gonna go to the restroom.

Bucky was left in awe as you walked away, his mouth slightly agape. Sam smirked at the man, patting his shoulder as they walked to their table again.

“you like them dont you” Sam smiled and bucky looked at him like he was crazy.

“wha- me? No! i just met them!” Bucky protested and Sam rolled his eyes.

“as if you guys weren’t flirting that whole game?” Sam laughed and bucky shook his head.

“isn’t that how they talk to you when you guys play?” Sam widened his eyes and shook his head.

“oh god no i wish, last time they called me a bird brain!” Sam frowned and bucky laughed, “and then they said, ‘had known you were gonna play like this, i would’ve stayed home, it’s the same as playing with a fish’”

Bucky couldn’t stop the fit of laughter as Sam frowned at all the things you told him during the game, smiling slightly as he remembered the way you apologized after, hugging him and kissing his cheek and offering to buy him all the food he wanted.

“what’s so funny?” You asked, a smile on your face as you slid into the seat next to sam.

“just telling bucky all the things you say when we play” sam spoke and your face turned red.

“I’m really sorry, i hope i didn’t hurt your feelings or anything” you smiled softly and bucky shook his head.

“oh no I’m fine i get it” he smiled at you and you nodded, stomach in knots as you thought back to his words. Your throat went dry and you looked at him, quickly glancing to your hands. It didn’t go unnoticed by bucky though.

“actually, that super strength comment kinda hurt” he frowned slightly, trying his best to look genuinely hurt. You looked at him with wide eyes, frowning at his words.

“really? I’m sorry i didn’t mean it i swear, I’ll do anything to make it up to you” you spoke quickly, guilt washing over you.

“going on a date would make me feel so much better” bucky smiled and your mouth dropped, a smile on your face as you realized he was just messing with you.

You crossed your arms over chest as Sam smirked at bucky, proudly looking at him.

“if you wanted to ask me out you could’ve just said so sergeant” you smiled and bucky shrugged his shoulders.

“where’s the fun in that doll face” the two of you kept eye contact or a while, you wanted to just lean over the table and kiss him, bucky wanted nothing more than to crash his lips onto yours. Sam wanted more fries.

“is that a yes then?” Bucky asked and you were quiet for a moment before speaking up.

“maybe it is” you quipped, “depends” you smiled, making Sam shake his head as he realized where this was gonna go.

“depends on what?” Bucky questioned, cocking his head to the side as the smile on your face grew.

“how good are you at basketball?” You questioned, already getting up to head to the game, hand slipping into Bucky’s and pulling him behind you.

You were gonna be the death of him, but he didn’t mind it one bit.

#bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes drabble #bucky barnes headcanon #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes #soft bucky barnes #flirty bucky barnes #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky fanfic

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soramei · 4 years ago

Text

Intentional - Part 2

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader (she/her)

Summary: Landing your first real job at JYPE was something short of a miracle. You were prepared to face the new struggles of this elusive career whilst moving to a new country, however, nothing could have prepared you for him. Will stolen glances, secret touches, and hushed nights spent in the recording room ever be enough for the both of you?

Genre: idol!bang chan au, forbidden relationship, coworkers to eventual lovers, slow burn

Warnings: none right now, eventual smut,

Word Count: 5.2k

Masterlist

A/N: o my god i did not expect so many people to have read the first part… even if only one person reads im still happy :D anyways heres the second part (i swear bang chan wont just be a side character later on hhahaha)

The insistent beeping of the alarm on your phone was what first woke you up from your dazed sleep. Your head still pounded from the night before, and frankly, you were ready to get fired for an extra five minutes of sleep. Tapping the ‘cancel’ button on your phone, you flipped over head down on your pillow to find the beautiful dreamland you were in. However, after just five more minutes, the triggering beeping of your backup alarm took you out of your slumber again, this time really waking you up.

You trudge towards your bathroom, still dreading the day, on your way to take a shower. Thankfully, the steam from the warm shower combined with the fragrant smell of your conditioner slightly woke you up and dampened the aching in your head.

Being drastically more awake than before, you made your way over to your kitchen to prepare breakfast. You opened the fridge, mind blank, just staring at the empty shelves. I seriously need to do some grocery shopping, you thought before grabbing an egg.

You struggled to turn on the stove, not knowing which knob correlated to which burner. Turning a random one, you flinched when an excessive amount of fire appeared. However, after an embarrassingly long amount of time, you finally figured out the stove. Why are there still gas range stoves when electrical stoves exist? You wondered.

You looked at the sad cooked egg in front of you.

Was this really how you were going to live from now on? You cursed your whole family for spoiling you so much back home. Sure you were grateful for being able to live with your family for twenty three years, but the consequences of your mother making a fuss when you tried to cook for yourself was really showing now.

You were about to dig into your lonely meal when your phone buzzed all of a sudden. Taking a quick peek at it, you saw Na-eun’s name flash up. You beamed with joy. Although you already worked up the nerve to be the first one to contact her, you were thankful she did first to break the tension. However, there was a small — microscopic even — part of you that wondered: what if that were Bang Chan?

You unlocked your phone.

Na-eun: Hey! I know it’s kinda last minute, but do you wanna meet for breakfast?

Na-eun: There’s a café five minutes away from the building.

Na-eun: ^-^

Smiling to yourself, you quickly typed a reply.

Y/n: Sure! My breakfast looks too sad to eat…

Y/n: ^-^

In a flash, you stuffed your egg into a plastic tupperware container and put it in the empty fridge before booking it out your door, making sure to carefully enter the passcode to lock it before running to the staircase. You almost tripped over the stairs going down as you tried to sprint and text Na-eun at the same time. Checking the maps app on your phone, you told her how long it would take for you to arrive at the café.

Na-eun: Do you mind if I bring my roommate? She keeps complaining about how boring it is at home haha....

Na-eun: She’s really nice though! ^^;

You happily agreed since you weren’t in the position to turn down another potential friend. Already two potential friends? You were so excited.

There was a bounce in your steps as you made your way down to the subway. Scanning your card, you made your way to the big group of people on the platform and waited for your train. Taking the subway was so new, yet refreshing. There was something exciting about seeing a brand new set of people board the cart every stop, it was almost like refreshing your Instagram feed over and over again.

After just a couple minutes more of waiting, your subway came. You naturally found your way in by shuffling along with the flock of people and found a good place to stand.

You surveyed your cart. Some high school students, a few elderly, and many many businesspeople dressed in attire very similar to you. They all seemed to be busy on their cellular devices, so you quickly pulled yours out as well, eager to blend in. Your little Tamagotchi friend was happy to see you.

The sound of the automated woman’s voice was what drew you out of your concentration, as she announced that the subway would be stopping at your destination next. When the subway stopped, the sea of people rushed out in a big tidal wave and you just went along with the flow.

The map posted on a big pillar in the station was difficult to read at first, but after embarrassingly asking a station officer, you were confident you knew where you were going. The station was big with many interwoven hallways, each connecting to a different location. It had a couple shops and convenience stores located along the sides where students running late could buy some bread or tired businesspeople could inject their early morning dose of caffeine.

You weaved your way through the long halls, confident that you could remember how you got out the right exit yesterday. Finally, after passing by many familiar stores and signs, you eventually made it above ground at the right exit. It was a cloudy September morning, the wind flew past you at just the right speed to elicit a slight shiver. You curse yourself for not bringing a jacket in your rush to the café. The streets were busy with cars zooming by, but it was nowhere near as congested as the subway traffic.

You started following your phone’s GPS to the marked location, and after a couple minutes, you spot the café. You immediately recognized it as a chain café as you’ve seen a few more of these scattered around the city as you got around. This one, however, appeared to be larger than the others (presumably because it was near so many big name companies) as it had three floors in total.

You texted Na-eun, telling her you’ve arrived. She let you know that they were both in one of the booths on the second floor, so you decided to order before heading up. Walking over to the cashier, you scanned their massive menu, trying to find what you were looking for.

“One mango juice, please.” You politely ordered. “And also a slice of the red velvet cake.”

After you had paid, you waited patiently, hands folded in front of you for your food. Because it wasn’t busy in the morning, it wasn’t that long until one of the baristas handed your food to you on a tiny plastic tray and you started making your way up. You reached the top floor and scanned your eyes around the room to find a familiar face.

“Y/n!” Na-eun waved.

You waved back and made your way over. She was in the booth, and there was another girl sitting beside her.

“Y/n, this is my roommate Yoojin.” She smiled at you and made a gesture towards the smaller girl sitting beside her. She was a fluffy haired girl. Her appearance was puppy-like, with her wide eyes and a large smile that was almost too big for her face.

“Hi Yoojin.” You said as you sat down.

“Hi Y/n! Na-eun told me about you yesterday. It seems like you have similar jobs.” She looked back at you with wide eyes. “But I think you got luckier because you actually get to interact with the idols.”

“I think both of us are lucky to even be working there,” you chuckled, “plus, I don’t actually get to be working directly with the artists. I could only wish.” You joked.

“Still extremely lucky, Na-eun told me she saw Bang Chan and Felix from Stray Kids at your building’s cafeteria yesterday.” Her hair bounced. “Finally, now I can say I’ve indirectly met famous people.”

You and Na-eun both laughed. Although Yoojin looked the same age as you, there was something about the way she acted that just seemed so precious and innocent — like a little sister. How old was she anyway?

“Yoojin’s younger than me by a few years,” Na-eun said as if she read your thoughts, “She graduated university a year early. Top of her programming class. She knows everything about technology; one time, I stupidly forgot the passcode to my P.O. box and she cracked it for me in less than fifteen minutes.”

“Stop it.” Yoojin whined, looking down and playfully hitting Na-eun on the shoulder. “I told you before that I don’t like it when you talk about me. Let’s talk about Y/n instead. Na-eun told me you’re not from here, what do you do at JYPE then?”

“I’m an assistant to help market some of the artists in China.” You leaned in a bit. “Actually, to be honest, I’m working on a secret project and Bang Chan from Stray Kids is technically part of the team.”

Both Yoojin and Na-eun’s eyes widened. “No way, you’re so lucky.” Yoojin said. “Why can’t you have a job like that?” She poked at Na-eun.

“Get your own job first,” Na-eun smirked, “then we can talk about mine.”

“Hey! I do have a job.” Yoojin clenched her jaw, looking at her plate and avoiding eye contact.

“I’m not sure if talking to people online all day counts as a job.”

“Whatever.” Yoojin swirled her fork on her plate, stabbing at a piece of her cake. The scraping of metal on ceramic made all of you wince.

“Anyways,” you started, trying to change the atmosphere, “did anybody watch the first episode of that new drama?”

The two girls seemed to have a mood switch, looking relieved to start a new conversation. They gladly added their input and opinions on the new drama, talking about both the plot and the actors. Time passed by twice as fast as the three of you sat at the booth talking about the most random things. However, it was soon time to go to work for both you and Na-eun.

“Hey, before you leave, could I get your number?” Yoojin asked. “We should hang out again sometime.”

You gladly typed your contact into her phone, excited to hang out with Yoojin again. She was so full of energy, it reminded you of your university days. Not to mention that fluffy curly hair. It was so cute.

You and Na-eun both made it out of the café and walked side-by-side over to your building before parting ways at the elevator corridor. It was a miracle that you managed to arrive at your cubicle in time, without getting lost. There was a pile of papers on your desk; they were the files you worked on yesterday. You remember that yesterday Manager Chen marked some improvements that could be made to the papers, but you checked your email just to be sure.

Hello Y/n,

I put the documents from yesterday on your desk for some final edits. I’ve also added a few more. Could you finish them all by the end of the day?

Best,

Manager Chen

You flipped through the stack of documents, and sure enough, there were about five more letters that needed to be worked on. Feeling determined, you gritted your teeth, got out your pen, and started to do your job.

There were more corrections to make than what you expected, plus, you wanted to make sure your work was perfect this time. You skipped a trip to the cafeteria for lunch and ate something from the vending machine at your desk instead. You tried your best to work diligently, but because of your inexperience, it was taking longer than expected. You lost track of time as the hours passed by.

“Your team is working hard today, Manager Chen.” A voice came from across the room. You looked up from your stack of documents to see Manager Kim walking over towards Manager Chen, who was standing casually outside her office doors.

“What can I say, I keep them busy.” She replied. “Are you heading home now?”

“Yes, and so should you.” Manaker Kim stopped at your cubicle, putting a hand on the wall. It was cat-like the way he looked at you. “Y/n, you’re working hard. Are you going home now? I’ll give you a ride.”

You couldn’t head home now, not with the amount of work you still had with the new letters Manager Chen added to the pile. “Thank you for the offer, Manager Kim, but I’ll stay later today. I need to finish this work by today.”

“Let her be, Manager Kim, you know how new employees are.” Manager Chen nagged and crossed her arms. “Come, I’ll walk you to the parking lot.”

You bowed at both your managers and stretched your back before getting back to your work. The black lines of both languages started to blur into one as you strained your eyes to hold a tighter focus on the documents. It wasn’t until two more gruesome hours later when you finished your work. You did a long deserved stretch of the arms and checked the clock for the time, praying that it wasn’t too late. Thankfully, with the time being only eight, it wasn’t that dark out. You took a quick peek at your phone to check your notifications before leaving the office.

There were only two texts sent fifteen minutes ago. Both from Bang Chan.

Your chest tightened when you unlocked your phone.

Bang Chan: Hey, I know it’s a bit late, but I have some ideas for the project and I was thinking we could meet up to discuss them

Bang Chan: Only if you want that is…

Your brain was in jumbles as you thought of what to text back. There were a couple staff that wrote you emails about their ideas for the project, but none of them asked to meet in person. And now, the first person who asked you to have a meeting in person was Bang Chan. Whom you rode back to your apartment drunk with. On your first day at work. And now you missed his work-related text by fifteen minutes. However, even though it was late, you still felt like you needed to take his ideas in. After all, like Manager Chen said, you know how new employees are.

Y/n: Hi, sorry my reply is late… Are you still free?

You anxiously stared at the blue-lit screen of your phone, jumping in and out of the text app waiting for a reply. After less than a minute, you saw the little dots at the bottom which indicated that he was typing. It disappeared for a moment, only to come back less than a second later. Your thumbs started unconsciously fiddling with one another in front of your phone screen as you waited for what felt like eternity.

Bang Chan: It’s alright haha

Bang Chan: There’s a cafe about 5 minutes from our building, wanna meet there?

You immediately knew which café he was talking about as you conveniently hung out with Na-eun there this morning. You texted Bang Chan back, letting him know that you would be there as soon as possible. You grabbed your bag, along with your trusty pen and notebook, before leaving your desk for the elevators. The elevator ride was unusually fast as it was already well past working hours for most people.

Once you were out of the building, you made your way down the familiar sidewalk, passing by the familiar street shops as you felt the bite of the wind against your face. The sky was becoming dim as the sun made its descent, but the illumination coming from the streetlamps helped guide you there. After five minutes of a brisk walk, you saw the familiar sign of the café. You also saw a familiar person standing outside the door, dressed in all black, with his head down looking at his phone.

You tried to make your footsteps slightly louder the closer you got to him in order to make your presence known. It seemed to have worked, as Bang Chan heard you and turned his head up. He immediately gave you a boyish grin, putting his phone in the pocket of his hoodie and pulling his face mask down to his chin.

“Hey,” You waved awkwardly, “did I make you wait long?”

“Not at all.” Bang Chan said as he held open the door, “Let’s go in, it’s pretty chilly today.”

You thanked him and walked inside. You both made your way to the cashier and looked up at the menu, deciding on what to buy.

“I think I’ll get an iced americano.” Bang Chan said. “Are you getting anything?”

“Hmm. I might get the mango juice.” You decided and lined up behind Bang Chan, waiting for him to order first.

Bang Chan walked up to the waiting barista. “Hello, I’ll get an iced americano please.” A second passed. “Also a mango juice.”

Your eyes widened as you silently tried to stop him from buying your drink, feeling embarrassed that Bang Chan — who was essentially your coworker — was buying your drink. He didn’t seem to notice your quiet protests, as he pulled his card out of his wallet and quickly tapped it on the pin pad. After he was done paying, he turned around and tucked his card back in his wallet, giving you a smug grin.

“I’ll pay you back later.” You insisted, embarrassed once again that he was doing something for you.

“Of course, of course.” He casually replied and stood beside you with his hands in the pocket of his hoodie. “I’ll wait for our drinks. You can go find a table.”

You nodded and left to find a table on the first floor. Surprisingly, there were more people there at night than when you were there in the morning. Some people had their textbooks out to study, some were quietly enjoying a book. Some were on dates.

Finally, after weaving through many fully filled tables, you found an empty one near the table. You sat down, taking out your pen and notebook to prepare for Bang Chan’s ideas. Not long after, you saw Bang Chan walking around, turning his head left and right to look for you. You caught his eye as you waved at him to come over. He strolled over and put the tray of drinks down on the table, placing yours beside your notebook.

“So,” You took a sip of your delicious mango juice, “do you wanna get started now?”

“Sure.” His usually friendly face turned serious. It seemed like he took his work seriously. “So I was thinking, we need to film some content to start promoting our debut right? How about we film content for the Mid-Autumn Festival? It falls on the same day as Chuseok, so we can use this as a small promotion for our debut.”

You nodded in agreement. Although this idea would be a little last minute to carry out, it was a great opportunity to promote their group in order to gain more popularity before their debut in China. “This is a great idea Bang Chan,” You hurriedly jotted down everything he said, “did you have more to add on?”

“We could make several episodes of this content. I was thinking we could camp in the mountains and maybe cook some food, make mooncakes.”

“All of this is really good, we have three weeks until the actual Mid-Autumn Festival. If I rush this idea to Manager Chen, we could have one week to plan it, and two weeks to film and produce it.” You beamed, glad that you could be involved in a potential big production.

You and Bang Chan kept discussing his idea for content, and as time passed, your conversation turned more casual as it eventually evolved into topics unrelated to work.

“So, why are you having coffee this late anyway?” You tipped your chin towards his glass.

“There’s this part of a song I’m working on that I just can’t get perfect,” Bang Chan noticeably clenched his jaw, “I wanna figure it out before I leave.”

“Do you usually stay up late to work?” You asked.

“I can’t sleep anyways, so I might as well work.”

“Insomnia?” You questioned. He shrugged his shoulders and took a sip of his coffee. A few seconds of silence passed. “You know, my mom made me pack some of her special tea before leaving. She said it was for jet lag, which is weird because there’s only a time difference of an hour here.” You rambled.

“Oh?” Bang Chan tipped his head.

“I could give you some tomorrow.” You said. Your eyes wandered everywhere except to him. “If you want.”

“Really, you’d do that?” His eyes widened as he stirred his coffee with his straw.

It may have been your subconscious need to make friends, or just the fact that you mom gave you so much tea for your non-existent jet lag, but you gladly offered your mom’s solve-all remedy. “Of course, anything for a friend.”

He blinked a couple times. He stopped stirring his coffee. “Thanks.” He looked at you with a slight grin.

“Plus, this way I can pay you back.” You teased.

“Okay, fair enough.” He chuckled. A dimple appeared on his cheek as his smile widened. “But seriously, you don’t need to worry about paying me back for anything next time.”

Next time? You wondered. Of course he would have more ideas for his own group. You wanted to roll your eyes at yourself. It seemed like, despite his easy-going personality, that he cared a lot about not only his job, but the boys he worked with. His work ethic inspired you and made you want to work just as hard as he did. Except you definitely couldn’t stay up as late as he did.

The two of you kept up the back and forth that was established, talking about whatever came to mind, with a few sprinklings of work-related conversations throughout. You talked about your first day impressions and how well you were adjusting to life in a new country, and he retaliated by sharing his own experiences of moving across the world. You were so enraptured by your riveting conversations that you easily lost track of time. It wasn’t until you had already spent minutes playing around with your straw in the empty glass that you finally remembered how late it was.

“It’s kinda late, I think I should get going now.” You said as you checked your phone for the time.

“Are you taking the subway?” He asked as he started gathering the empty glasses. “It’s pretty dark now — I could walk you there.”

“It’s alright. I don’t wanna take time from your work” You said, gathering your notebook and pen.

“It’s no problem, really, it’s just a five minute walk.” He stood up with the tray of empty glasses in one hand and pulled up his face mask with the other.

The two of you left the café and walked the short distance to the subway stairs. There, you parted ways and you started your trek home. Taking the subway at night was vastly different from morning; the morning rush was filled with rows and rows of busy people, whereas the night train had a completely different feeling to it. There were actually available seats, to begin with. You found an empty seat and took out your phone to kill time. You checked your missed notifications.

Yoojin: Hi Y/n!! ^-~ Today was so fun, we should go again sometime!

You smiled at the little text from Yoojin, visioning her wide smile stretch across her face. Texting a quick reply back, you were about to put your phone back down when another notification popped up.

Unknown: Stay away from him. This is a warning.

A flash of panic rushed through your body making your chest tighten. Your heart was coming out of your chest, the beating was so hard you could hear it even in the running subway. Completely fixated on the bright white of your phone, your eyes strained from the light. Adrenaline filled your blood, and in the spur of the moment, you quickly blocked the number and deleted the text chain. It had to just be a prank text, after all, you have gotten pranked through text multiple times before in your past.

You put your phone down slowly, turning your head to survey your subway cart for any suspicious acting people. There was only a grandma with her cane and a few middle school girls comparing their new lip tints. Your thumbs naturally started fiddling with each other. Your eyebrows knit together as you clutched your bag tight to your body for the rest of the subway ride.

The walk back to your apartment was done carefully. You chose the side of the sidewalk with more light as you kept your senses open, trying to remember the face of every person that walked past you. Although it was more likely than not that the text was just a prank, you were still somebody living alone with very few connections in a new country. Your legs quickened at the thought and you hurried your way back.

Arriving at your apartment door, you carefully entered your lock combination and slammed your door shut, double checking that it was locked. Your home was dark, with only the moon casting long shadows on your furniture. You quickly switched your light on. You tried to put this text to the back of your mind as you got ready to sleep, but it loomed, feeling like a shadow cast by the moon. The shadow in your mind stayed as you closed your eyes, waiting for your sleep to chase it away.

The next morning, you woke up to the obnoxious beeping of your alarm. You sleepily sat up, getting ready to perform your familiar morning routine. Everything felt like routine, so monotonous that the text from last night was completely forgotten. You opened the fridge and ate your suspicious egg from yesterday morning.

Before leaving, you suddenly remembered to bring your mom’s magical tea. You rummaged through the cupboards until you found the ridiculous packaging your mom insisted on using.

The route to work was already starting to feel familiar as you mindlessly made your way from your quaint apartment all the way to the opulent blue building. You entered the office and sat at your desk, checking for new emails. After nothing of immediate importance came up, you got out your notebook and started to type up your notes from yesterday.

You were in a trance. The repetitive task of reading and typing completely hypnotised you as hours passed by without you even noticing. What broke you out of your trance, however, was the voice of your boss.

“Bang Chan.” Manager Chen called out. You looked up from your monitor and peeked up from your cubicle to see the familiar hair of a certain man you knew. Assuming he was here for a meeting with Manager Chen, you went back to your hypnotising work. The walls of your cubicle were too high for him to see you anyways — something about eliminating distractions to maximise work efficiency.

You hit ‘enter’ on your keyboard to start a new paragraph when all of a sudden, you spotted an object appear on your desk from the corner of your eye.

A bottle of mango juice.

Quickly turning your head around, you were met with Bang Chan’s back. He was already making strides towards Manager Chen, but something about the sway of his broad shoulders and the way his right hand stretched open told you that it was him who gave you this little bottle of happiness. You unscrewed the lid and took a sip before getting back to work.

Thankfully, the gift you received was enough sugar content to keep you working efficiently for the rest of the day. You had finished all your work and could hopefully pitch Manager Chen the idea by tomorrow. You found your mom’s tea in your bag while gathering your stuff, remembering your promise to Bang Chan.

Y/n: Hey, I have my mom’s tea — I could give it to you right now?

There was a reply almost immediately.

Bang Chan: Sure ^^ I’m in a practice room on floor X right now, I’ll wait by the elevators.

You made your way over to the elevators and tapped your nails on the package of tea whilst silently waiting for an elevator to arrive. The silence, however, was promptly cut off as your phone started to ring. It was from Yoojin. She probably wants to hang out soon, you thought as you happily answered right away.

“Y/n!” Yoojin yelled into the phone, she sounded worried.

“Yoojin, is there something wrong?” You frowned, concerned for the girl.

“I-I was in the parking lot near your building, a-and I fell down the stairs.” She sniffed. “I think I sprained my ankle or something — I can’t stand up. It hurts so much.”

“Oh god, Yoojin, do you want me to come help?” You were in the elevator by now, already pressing the button for the main floor.

“If you’re not far, I don’t want to trouble you.” You heard sounds of her wincing.

“It’s no trouble Yoojin,” You exclaimed, “your ankle is much more important now. I’ll be right there.”

“Thank you Y/n.” You heard her sniff again through the phone.

You bolted out of the elevator as soon as it reached the main floor, stuffing your forgotten package in your bag. Ignoring the looks of confusion of the people you sprinted past, you located the parking lot building as soon as you left the main doors of the JYPE building. Your chest burned and your breaths were heavy.

You were worried for Yoojin. She seemed like such a sweet girl that it pained you to even imagine her hurt in any sort of way. With her fluffy hair and wide eyes, it made you feel like you were helping an injured puppy.

Your legs felt like concrete after a while of running, but you finally made it to the parking lot building. Entering the parking lot, you looked for any sign of a staircase where Yoojin said she fell on. There were none.

“Excuse me, where are the stairs to this parking lot?” You asked the parking lot attendant, assuming it was just hidden somewhere.

“There are no stairs here,” He said, “if you want to get to the second floor, there is an elevator over there.” He pointed to the other side of the lot.

You thanked the man and ran to the elevator, hoping Yoojin wasn’t too hurt by now. You’ve experienced injuries like these before whilst playing sports back home, they hurt like hell. Your breathing was staggered by the time you reached the elevator, however, you didn’t give up and kept looking around trying to find the girl. There was nobody. You were about to call Yoojin again just to make sure you were in the correct place, but a voice interrupted you.

“Y/n.”

It was Manager Kim.

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