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profound-imagination · 7 months ago

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Flightless (Reimagined) - Azriel Shadowsinger

A/N - Okay so this is a rewritten version of this fic - I really hope you enjoy.

T/W: Very brief mention of S/A it isn't talked about in detail, the R word isn't used but please keep yourselves safe and don't read if at all triggering for you. Talks of violence.

W/C: 7.7K

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Swallowing the lump in your throat, you took a deep breath, steeled yourself against the biting cold, and approached one of the most terrifying males you knew. You wanted to do this, wanted to learn. "Excuse me, Lord Devlon?" He took his sweet time before he looked at you, before he acknowledged you. "What is it, girl?" He asked, no malice in his voice, but it wasn't kind either. "I was wondering if it would be acceptable for me to join training with the other girls in the mornings?" The two warriors next to him snorted, the third sneered, "What use would you be, girl? Your wings weren't even clipped, I don’t think there's a word for what happened to your wings, your missing half of one and the other is bent all wrong." A shudder ran through you at the memory, the agony, the heartbreak of never being able to feel the wind again, of never being able to answer its call again.

Devlon paled slightly as he looked past you and snapped at the three warriors with him to get back to work, the third still sneering at you as he went. "I survived sir." You told Devlon quietly, "I survived what happened to me, I'm strong enough to train like an Illyrian." He ran a hand down his face, and you felt someone approach behind you, you did not turn but your spin straightened, and your broken wings flared as best as they could. "You'll get yourself killed, you'll be thrown into the Rite, just like the others. Besides, we start training as children, your age is against you." You looked up at him and met his eyes, "I can do this sir, please, let me try." He opened his mouth to reply but another voice came from behind you. "Why do you want to train so badly?" You turned slowly only to be met by the Lord of Bloodshed himself. The General of the Night Court stood tall, proud, and strong. The wind was whipping the lose pieces of his hair around his face. Seven ruby red siphons glinted in the sun. You had never seen him up close, but from here you almost crumbled under how powerful he clearly was.

"I was held down as they mutilated my wings, my Lord. I was helpless, I couldn’t defend myself, I didn’t know how to." You could have sworn the air thickened, and the sky darkened as the Shadowsinger and the High Lord himself approached. "Who took your wings?” Cassian growled, glaring at Devlon as he did. “Well, it didn’t happen here!” Devlon snapped at the General who bared his teeth in response. These two clearly were not friends. “It happened at the Ironcrest Camp.” You told him quickly, your nerves fraying due to looks being exchanged between the two males you currently stood between, the last thing you wanted was to be caught between two fighting Illyrians. “This camp has been good to me.” You continued. “Devlon.” The High Lord greeted, “Rhysand.” Devlon gritted back. “Why won’t you train the girl?” Rhysand asked and Devlon gestured towards you, “Look at her, she’s in no shape to train, to fight. She wouldn’t last an hour in the Rite.” Rhysand studied you, “What happened to your wings?” He asked, his star flecked eyes meeting your own. “This isn’t a traditional clipping.” He said and you shuddered against the memory. “Let me see.” He said as you felt his power caressing your mind and then there, he was, in the middle of that night with you.

Ironcrest was cold. Colder than Windhaven. There was a reason it was known as the cruellest camp, and it wasn’t just the biting weather that gave it that reputation. You were making your way back to your decrepit tent after clearing up after dinner. The males, as usual had eaten more than their share, your own you had split between the few daughters of the camp. Those who were discarded as soon as they were born. Urchins the males referred to them as. Stomach cramping with hunger you prayed to the Mother you wouldn’t run into Malakai, the Lord's son, the Male with the cruellest reputation, one that was well earned. You felt a flinch on the edge of the memory, and you knew it was the High Lord sensing your fear as you continued to walk through the dark. You had seen Malakai at dinner, drinking heavily and you knew that would do nothing to improve the perpetual sense of rage he seemed to live in. He, for some reason, had taken a shine to you and not in a good or kind way. You could see your tent in the distance, so so close, when all of a sudden, a hand wrapped around your mouth, trapping any sound, another arm around your waist, trapping your already weak wings from the lack of flying, females were not to be seen in the sky here, most of which had already been clipped. Everything went black before you could react. When you woke, three males surrounded you, Malakai and his two, equally sadistic friends. They were a band of brothers, much like the High Lord, the General and the Shadowsinger. You weren’t sure why you thought about them in that moment, maybe because they’d be the only ones to save you, but they wouldn’t come and why would they? You felt Rhysand flinch again at the thought.

“Welcome back, sweetheart,” Malakai crooned at you, you didn’t look at him, you kept your gaze downcast. A good, submissive female. “You’ve been struting around here unchecked for too long.” He said, “I made it quite clear that you were to be mine and seeing as you won’t submit on your own, I’ll take what is rightfully mine.” Fear shot through your entire being and your body went numb as his friends held you face down in the dirt. You couldn’t fight, couldn’t move due to their weight. Laying there helpless you cried as Malakai hacked at your wings. Not at the base as you had expected, as you had witnessed in previous clippings while on your knees, holding the unfortunate females hands, promising her everything would be okay. There was no one to do that for you as you felt your left wing tear, as you felt the right one break. No one to tell you it was going to be okay as he forced himself on you as his friends laughed while you were bleeding out in the snow. You weren’t sure how long you cried in the snow, naked, cold, broken, it could’ve been hours before the daughters you looked after came looking, before they dragged you as best they could back to your tent and sat with you. You weren’t sure if the Mother herself was watching over you because even though part of you died that night, you were still alive come daybreak.

“Enough! Rhys, enough!” A voice like night personified spoke, close to your ear. You felt the cold seeping into your tattered dress as Rhysand retreated from your mind. There was a warmth at your back you noticed as you looked at the High Lord’s face and saw nothing but rage there. “Are you okay?” The same voice asked you, “It can be unsettling the first time he does that.” It continued, you craned your neck and saw the Shadowsinger, looking down at you and you came to the mortifying realisation that you were in his embrace, on the floor. You scrambled away from him, “I’m sorry my Lord, I’m so sorry!” You rushed out. The General let out a laugh and pulled you from the ground gently, setting you back on your feet and making sure you were steady before he stepped away. “She trains.” Rhysand spoke, authority coating his words, daring Devlon to argue with him. “If she wishes to train, to learn how to defend herself, she trains.” He said. Devlon was silent for a long moment. “With me.” It was not Devlon who had spoken but the Shadowsinger. “She trains with me, personally.” He wasn’t telling Devlon, nor was he asking permission, he was telling the High Lord that training you was going to be his task, and his alone. The two of them seemed to have some kind of silent argument if the tick in the Spymasters jaw was anything to go by before Rhysand finally said, “So be it Az, she trains with you.” You couldn’t fight the small smile that graced your lips, even if your cheeks were burning with embarrassment from having been in his lap only moments ago. “Thank you, Shadowsinger.” You said quietly. He didn’t smile, he just nodded. “Azriel, my name is Azriel.”

As instructed you were outside one of the only shops in Windhaven at daybreak. The door clicked open, and a female slipped out. “Oh, you must be Y/N.” She smiled gently. You returned her smile, “Yes, are you Emerie?” She nodded in confirmation that she was indeed Emerie. She looked you up and down and you didn’t miss her eyes snagging on the half of a wing hanging from your left side. “So, you’re Azriel’s new project.” She mused. “His new project?” You asked, “He’s just training me?” You said. “He’s a wonderful male, kind, gentle, but he’s dangerous and he’s easy to fall for.” She warned, “Have you?” You asked, “Fallen for him?” You clarified and she laughed, “Me? No, I prefer the company of females.” She told you with a smirk. Oh, oh. “I have no plans to fall for him, I just want to learn.” You told her and she smiled gently again, “Just be careful.” was all she said as the most beautiful female you had ever seen appeared and gave Emerie a dazzling smile. She bounced up to you, “Hi, I’m Mor!” He voice was like windchimes. “Hello, I’m Y/N.” You smiled, “Ready to learn how to kick these males asses?” She grinned and offered you a hand as you nodded.

Winnowing was a strange sensation, it felt like falling and staying still all at once and then you really were falling. The air left your lungs as you collided with something and then you were flying. “Welcome to Velaris.” You opened your eyes to see the High Lord and you were flying. A grin split across your face; it had almost been a year since you had last flown and the wind felt incredible against your skin. Rhysand smiled down at you as he did a couple of loops of the house below while you grinned before he eventually landed. You finally took in the view of the city he had called Velaris. “It’s beautiful here,” you breathed. “You should see it at Starfall.” A female spoke from behind you. Turning to face the voice you saw the High Lord with his arms around a beautiful female and you knew exactly who she was. You dropped into a courtesy, “High Lady,” you greeted. She smiled warmly, “Just Feyre is fine.” She told you, taking your hand and helping you straighten and regain your balance, the wind causing your wings to knock you off kilter. “Is that what you are training in?” She asked, referring to your tattered dress and your cheeks burned with embarrassment. “It’s all I have.” You admitted and she frowned at her husband. “It’s fine, really!” You insisted and she didn’t argue with you.

“Are you ready?” Azriel’s voice sent chills down your spine. You took a deep breath and turned to face him. “I am.” You told him. “We’re training a level up.” He told you, “This place goes higher?” You gasped, “It does, all that’s up there is a training ring, slightly smaller than this one, Cassian will be training Nesta, Emerie and Gwyn down here.” You nodded at him, “Once you're caught up you are welcome to join them, Nesta has already extended the invitation.” You smiled, that was incredibly kind of her, you had never been included before. In anything. “Let’s go.” He said, walking towards the door leading into the house. The interior took your breath away. You had never seen the outside of the camps before and you couldn’t comprehend how grand this house was. “Do you live here?” You gasped, freezing in place and taking in the parlour room. Azriel turned upon hearing your footsteps hault. Due to your half a wing your steps had a telltale uneven sound to them. He allowed a rare turn up of his lips at the sight of wonder on your face. “Yes, with Cassian and Nesta.” You didn’t acknowledge his words, still taking in the rich wallpaper, the plus sofas and chairs. “I’m not here much though, I’m often away for work but whenever I’m in the city this is where I reside.” He continued, that seemed to pull you back to him, “Oh, am I keeping you from that?” You asked gently, concern coating your eyes, “I can train at the camps, honestly, its fine.” You rushed out. Azriel shook his head, “You aren’t keeping me from anything.” He inclined his head towards the door and you followed next to him, running your hand along the back of the sofa, “I’ve never felt something so soft!” You exclaimed; an amused raise of his brows was all he gave you in return. You struggled up the stairs, your wings leaving your gait uneven, stairs was something you hadn’t faced in a long time, and it seemed you could no longer go up them very well. Azriel didn’t push or hurry you like you expected, he merely kept a step behind you to catch you if you fell. You were exhausted by the time you’d reached the training ring but more than determined to prove yourself.

Training that day was brutal. Not because you got hurt, in fact, Azriel didn’t touch you once, didn’t once enter your personal space. He had started you off with footwork. It was much harder than you thought simple footwork would be, but your uneven wings made life difficult as did the shadows that constantly danced around you, but you loved your new little friends and he couldn’t seem to call them back no matter how much he told them to leave you alone and find something useful to be doing, apparently they thought nothing was more useful than being around you. He never once lost his patience, he let you work through it. Let you pull yourself from the ground time after time with nothing but gentle encouragement. “Good,” he said at midday, “You did well today, we’ll do the same again tomorrow.” Sweat was pouring off of you by the time he was guiding you through a cool down. “How did it go?” Rhysand asked, appearing on the roof with the pair of you while you were lying on your back, fighting for your life trying to catch your breath. “It went well.” Azriel told him as you just stuck your arm in the air showing him a thumbs up. Rhysand just laughed at you. “Y/N, I have asked our healer, Madja, to take a look at your wings, just to make sure, if you’ll allow it?” He asked, your sat up, crossing your legs and looked at him, “Make sure of what? They can’t be fixed? Half of one is probably still in that field in Ironcrest.” You told him, “I know they can’t, but I’d like to know if they are causing you pain and if we can do anything about that.” He said a kind smile graced his face and you found yourself nodding. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Azriel said shortly, his attitude suddenly switched, and storms seemed to be brewing in his eyes. “Okay.” You mumbled quietly, slightly scared of the person he now seemed to be. “Azriel.” Rhysand growled, “You are to leave it alone, do you understand?” He commanded, pure High Lord. Azriel levelled him with a look, nodded once and took to the skies.

Azriel:

“Half of one is probably still in that field in Ironcrest.” Azriel wasn’t sure why the words had gutted him like they had or why they were playing over and over in his head. He knew something tragic had happened to her, something unforgivable, Rhys hadn’t shared with him or Cassian what he had seen in her mind yesterday, but it had taken all afternoon, several glasses of whiskey and Feyre perched on his lap before his brother had calmed. All he knew was that when she uttered those words a rage like he hadn’t felt for a long time consumed him. He was to leave it alone. That was an order from his High Lord, not his friend, not his brother, his High Lord. So alone he would leave it, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t investigate, Rhysand hadn’t said anything about investigating. So, naturally, he flew to Ironcrest. He kept quiet and out of sight of the main camp and sent his ever-helpful friends to investigate. He didn’t fail to notice the littlest one, the one that usually stuck to him like glue, rambling in his ear like an excited child, the one that hadn’t left her side all morning was the first to dart away at his command.

It didn't take long before he heard a howl on the wind, they had found something. The remaining shadows engulfed him like a swarm. When they cleared again, he was in a small clearing. It was the little shadow howling for him and upon his arrival it came shooting towards him. "Look! Look! See, Master! See what they did!” It was frantically whispering at him. “Show me.” He answered it aloud and followed its lead. The smell of blood hit him first. Something that didn’t make sense, but he knew on instinct it was hers. Her injuries weren’t recent, not recent enough for the blood to linger, not with the weather up here anyway but it was as if her blood had permeated the earth and his wings unfurled with the anger that once again hit him like a tidal wave. He spotted it then, lying in the grass, half of a wing. Just like she said. The cuts were crude, as if the instrument used was too blunt for the cartilage of the wing. He knew, from his experiance in breaking people, that once they had sawed through the bone, they had torn through the skin with their bare hands, like one would with paper. Even as someone who inflicted pain for a living, he couldn’t imagine. His knees gave out without his permission, and he vomited. “Kill them! Make them suffer! Kill them all!” The little shadow was hissing as it darted around his head. Wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, he forced himself to his feet. “I will little one, I will.” He told it, “I’ll help!” It insisted, “You’ll all help when the time is right, for now, some of you stay here, find out who did this to her, keep me informed.” He addressed all of his shadows, the sneakier of which took their leave at his command. The little one floating by his ear like an unofficial second in command.

Y/N:

As predicted, there was nothing Madja could do for your wings, other than keep you comfortable with them. Which Rhysand insisted she do despite your protest that they had already done far too much for you by allowing you to train. You left of course, with ointments, tinctures, and vials for your wings. You arrived at training the next morning, aching but determined as ever. “Go on up!” Nesta told you with a smile and you give her your best smile right back. Gritting your teeth you pulled yourself up the stairs to the second training ring. Azriel wasn’t there when you arrived so you wandered over to the edge of the ring, bending at the waist to feel the wind over the wall. Your right wing, the broken one tried hard to unfurl and feel the wind but shattering pain lanced through you and it quickly stopped its movement. You stood there, a small smile on your face, hair whipping around you. “I like it up here, I can feel the wind again, I can hear its song.” You told Azriel who looked downright shocked you knew he was there as he emerged from his shadows. You let out a small laugh and put your hair behind your ear, “This little one gave you away.” You told him, showing you the little shadow curled around your ear like it belonged there. Azriel glared at it and it dived into your hair. “Don’t be mean to my new friend!” You scolded him and half of his lip twitched up into a smile. He came and leant against the wall next to you, taking great care not to knock your wings, Rhysand must’ve told him about the exposed bone and nerve on the left one that you wouldn’t even let Madja touch. “It must be nice to live somewhere like this, up in the wind.” You told him, “Do you miss it?” He asked, and you looked at him to find him already watching you, “Of course I do, but this is as close as I’ll ever get now.” You told him with a shrug. “Shall we start?” You asked. “Not yet, let’s enjoy the wind a bit longer first.” He said. From that day on, the first 45 minuets of training, Azriel dedicated to sitting on the wall, enjoying the wind. Slowly and surely, the Shadowsinger started talking to you more and more.

Azriel:

Six months later Azriel had found himself looking forward to morning training. It was no longer a motion to go through. He found he enjoyed Y/N’s quiet company. Enjoyed that she had never once been scared to call him out on his shit. It was her that had finally gotten through to him about Elain. He was repeating old patterns, and he knew that now. “You’re worth more than you think, Azriel. You deserve real and true love, mate or not. But this thing you have with Elain, this isn’t it. You know it isn’t. She’s using you and you know it, deep down you know it.” She had told him three days ago. He was furious. How dare she think such a thing about Elain about him? All he had tried to do is help her! He hadn’t shown up for training the last two days, but he knew from Cassian that she had and stubbornly carried on without him. Today, he was swallowing his pride and apologising for his actions. He had reacted badly at the time and she had flinched, she had been scared of him in that moment and it made him sick. He knew she knew he would never lift a hand to her in such a way, but she had still flinched, and he would not forgive himself for it, for the scent of fear that filled the air as he walked away from her in the middle of a session.

When he made it to the training ring, she wasn’t there. So he waited, five minutes, ten minutes, fifteen. Emerie came bursting onto the roof, Mor on her heels, Cassian, Nesta and Gwyn behind them. “She never turned up this morning!” Emerie told him in one breath. “Mor and I went to her tent but she wasn't there either!” He met Cassians gaze and saw the worry there, the tick in his brothers jaw. Cassian ran these camps as best he could but even Cassian wasn’t enough to corral the old ways and he could read it on the General’s face that he was worried about what they would find. “Find Rhysand, meet me there.” Was all he said to Cassian before launching to the skies.

Azriel wasted no time in heading straight for Devlon when he landed, his shadows skittering in all directions in their own search. The littlest one that she had become so fond of stuck with him, wailing in his ear. The commander met him halfway. “I know why you are here, Singer.” He said, “None of us had anything to do with it, we don’t know where she is, just that she’s gone.” “Truth, truth, truth.” The little shadow wailed in his ear. Azriel nodded once, “You and everyone here is to stay here, in the centre of camp and out of my way.” He said, his voice promising a cold death if they disregarded his order. Devlon nodded once and Azriel strode away. “Not here, not here, not here!” the little shadow repeated over and over again. “I know!” He growled at it, “Unless you know where she is, be quiet!” The shadow darted from his ear, up into his hair where it hid. He took to the skies again, circling the camp and the surrounding areas in slightly largest circles each time when Rhys and Cassian arrived. Rhysand took over sorting out a plan of action as the urgency and panic was starting to eat away at Azriel. He didn’t understand what was going on but the Spymaster almost suffocating with the frantic anxiety that was crawling up his throat and constricting his chest. His brothers shared a knowing look but did not enlighten him. He didn’t care. If it wasn’t her location, he wasn’t interested. The little shadow slid down his face, to its place curled round his ear and began to whisper once more. “Taken, hurt, taken, hurt.” “Where?!” He demanded and a swarm of shadows engulfed him, taking him to where they had found her.

Azriel almost vomited again when he saw her, lying broken in the grass, in the exact spot where she had been broken a year prior. “Find out why she was at Ironcrest!” He snapped at a group of shadows that quickly departed. y she’s in Ironcrest!” He snapped at a group of nearby shadows. Whether she came here of her own free will or was taken against it, the outcome was going to be the same. The torture master of the Night Court was coming out to play and they were going to suffer. People were going to die and this camp would be red by the time he was done. Her favourite little shadow was already racing towards her. Azriel had never heard a shadow scream before, and it was haunting. A sound he would never forget for as long as he lived. He would wake from nightmares to that sound, just like he did to the sound of the flesh on his hands sizzling when he was a child. There was no way to describe the state of her already broken wings, or the amount of blood she was covered in. “Help her! Master! Help her!” The little shadow was screaming at him as he fell to his kness beside her, checking her breath. She was still breathing, that was a start. He heard Rhys and Cassian land behind him. “Not again.” He heard Rhys mumble and he whirled on his brother, “What. Do. You. Mean. Again?” He demanded, Cassian was the one who spoke, “Not now, she needs us!”

Azriel turned back to the beautiful broken female lying in the grass. “Y/N? Can you hear me?” He asked, her eyes flew open, unfocused, and wild. Unsure of who was in front of her she went to move away and defend herself when she screamed. He assumed due to the pain she was currently in. “Y/N, it’s me!” Her eyes focused for a second and softened upon seeing him, she croaked his name, and a snap took place deep within his chest at the sound of his name and all of his instincts got stronger, harder to fight and he knew exactly what had happened. “There it is.” Cassian said to Rhys quietly who nodded back at the General. She went limp again. She would’ve hit the ground if not for Cassian catching her, placing her gently back down, from the seated position she was in. “No, no, no, baby, stay with me!” Azriel said desperately reaching for her. “Rhysand, help me!” He begged his High Lord, “Madja is the only one who can help her now, we need to move.” Rhys told him, Azriel stood, cradling her in his arms. Shadows were racing towards him from the trees. He handed her to Rhys as gently as possible. “You can winnow faster than my shadows. Take her.” Rhys nodded and was gone.

“In the trees, in the trees.” The shadows told him upon reaching him. He and Cassian followed, both males freezing upon finding a young girl, no older than 4, crying softly under a tree. Cassian made himself as small as possible when he realised Azriel was in no state to deal with this and met the little ones eyes, “What are you doing out here all by yourself little lady?” He asked with a gentle smile at the girl. “Are you going to hurt her?” The girl asked, baring her little teeth at Cassian, Azriel would have laughed if he had it in him. “No, we’re her friends.” Cassian told her softly, “She helped me.” She croaked, “They tried to take my wings.” Azriel ground his teeth so hard he thought they’d break. “Are you hurt?” Cassian asked and she shook her head no, “Just a little cut.” She said, expanding her tiny wing so show them a graze. “Where’s your mother? Your father?” her bottom lip wobbled at the question, “Dead.” She said as another fat tear rolled down her cheek. She crawled towards them, completely by-passing Cassian and holding her little arms up to Azriel. He complied, picking up the girl and resting her on his hip. “Please don’t take me back. I want to go with her.” She begged, placing her little hands on either side of his face. Azriel and Cassian had a silent conversation between them. There was no question, the girl would come with them, they would find her a good home. She'd never come back to the camps. “You don’t have to go back,” Azriel said as calmly as he could manage, “But you need to go with Cassian now, okay?” She studied him some more, “Are you coming too?” She asked, why this girl had picked him to trust he didn’t know, especially now, with shadows pouring out of him and death radiating out of his pores. Azriel nodded at her, “Yes Little One, I’m coming too, but I have to go to the camp first.” She nodded at him and let Azriel hand her to Cassian, “Ready to fly little lady?” He asked her with a grin, “I can’t fly yet. Don't know how.” She told him, Cassian ruffled her hair, “That’s okay, I’ll fly us.” He said. Azriel was already walking away, “Where are you going?” Cassian called after him, Azriel didn’t stop moving as he said. “To work.”

Rhys was waiting for him on the edge of the camp. Fucking Cassian. “Do not try and stop me, Rhysand.” Azriel warned and Rhys held his hands up in mock surrender. “Stop you?” He asked, “I’m here to help you.” That stoppped Azriel in his tracks. “To hurt an innocent like they hurt her is one thing, to be handled diplomatically as they see no issue with their ways, ways that I am trying to outlaw.” He said, “To hurt my brothers mate? That is another and for that, they will pay.” Azriel almost smiled. “You knew?” He asked, “I had my suspicions,” Rhys told him, “But I didn’t know for sure, not until today.” Rhys’ eyes glazed over for a second. “Cassian is on his way.” Azriel didn’t get time to ask his question before Rhys carried on talking. “The girl is fine, she's with Mor, she met Cassian halfway, she doesn’t know her own name though, so you’ll have to think of one for her.” Rhys told him, “Me?” Azriel asked, “Shall we start calling you Daddy Az now?” Cassian asked as he landed beside them. Azriel shoved an elbow into his ribs. “What?! Cassian asked, “She was asking for you and Y/N the whole way back.” The three of them strode into the camp, their intentions clear. Illyrians began to scatter but none got far thanks to the wards Rhys had thrown up around the camp. Malakai and his friends were easy to find.

Once the brothers had gotten their prisoners situated in that chamber far below Hewn City, Rhys and Cassian once again departed, off to tell the Lord of Ironcrest his son would not be returning, Azriel got to work. Their deaths would not be quick, would not be merciful. He would not start with their wings, oh no. That would be a day two or three job. He wouldn’t take them too early, wouldn’t let them think they had lost that what Illyrians held most dear at the start, it would take all the fight out of them and that’s what he wanted, a fight. So he’d start small, Azriel knew exactly where to cut to cause the most amount of pain with the least amount of threat to life, but they would not leave here, not alive, not whole, and certainly not through the door. When the males were groaning, bleeding and full of Fae Bane, he left them hanging by their wrists. To spend their night being tormented by the beasts below.

“Absolutely not!” Mor said as soon as she saw him. “Go and bathe.” Azriel growled at her, the need to check on Y/N and the tiny girl they had found pressing down on him so much he felt like he couldn’t breathe. “That little girl has been through enough without you showing up looking like that and terrifying her!” Mor hissed at him pushing him down the hallway towards his own room. “They are both fine, both strong.” She told him and the weight lifted enough for him to get a breath down. “Come back when you’re clean.” She said, turning away and walking back down the corridor.

Once clean, he returned. His bath had done nothing to heal the tension in his body. He found his family gathered in a tight circle, whispering amongst one another. “I want to see her.” He said, garnering their attention and Rhys nodded at him, gesturing towards the door. He and Cassian followed Rhys him in. Every muscle in his body froze when he saw her. “Before you lose it,” Rhys said, “What was done was for the best, for her health.” “For her health?” Azriel repeated as a question. “Yes, she already had a nasty infection setting in and-” Azriel cut him off, “Her wings are gone! Gone Rhys, completely gone!” He roared. “It was for the best Az, It really was.” Cassian piped up. “With the new damage caused and the infection setting in, she would’ve lost the ability to walk as well, Rhys and Madja made a difficult decision, but it was the right one.” Panic was crawling up his throat, “I can’t.” He choked out, “I can’t be here!” Gods he was pitiful, she deserved a better mate than him. One that would sit by her bedside until she woke, one that helped her through this, but Azriel could barely look at her. “Az!” Feyre called after him as he fled the room, “There's someone in the sitting room whose been asking for you since they arrived.” She said catching up with him and taking his elbow, steering him towards the sitting room.

“Mama!” Nyx called out, running into Feyre’s legs as soon as he spotted her. She picked him up, placing a kiss on each of his cheeks, “Hello my love!” She greeted him warmly. “She doesn’t know how to play.” Nyx whispered quietly to his mother and Azriel didn’t miss the longing in the little girl's gaze as she watched Feyre interact with Nyx. So, he took a deep breath to steady himself and crouched down, opening his arms to her in invitation, he was going to do something right today. She hesitated, for only a moment before a brilliant grin split across her face and she ran into his arms. “How’s your wing, Little One?” He asked as he stood with her, she extended it to show him, “The lady fixed it.” She told him and began rambling on and on about the light in Madja’s hands and the tingly creams she had used. He took a seat on the sofa, the one he clearly remembered Y/N telling him was the softest thing she had ever felt. He was going to buy her 12. The little girl situated herself in his lap, still talking a mile a minute. “They tell me you don’t know your name.” She looked up at him, her big brown eyes shining, “Never had one.” She said and his face softened, even in that cell, all those years ago he had a name. Something that belonged to him. “Why don’t we pick you one?” He asked her, so wrapped up in this child he didn’t even notice Feyre and Nyx slip out of the room. “Okay?” She agreed, sounding doubtful. “Hmm,” He mused, “What about Luna?” He asked and she screwed her nose up, “No you’re right,” He said, “Sounds like a hounds name.” She giggled at him, placing both her hands on his face again, he took a mental note to figure out why she did that. “Selena? It means the Moon?” He asked and she shook her head, “I’m not a moon! I’m a girl, silly!” He huffed out a laugh, “My mistake, Little One, Lennox?” He asked, “No!” He grinned down at her, “This is hard!” He told her and she nodded her little head in agreement. “Theodora, Theo for short?” He asked, “Does that mean moon?” She asked, “No, Little One, Theodora means Gift of God.” She pondered it for a moment, “What god?” She asked, he had no answer for that. Azriel knew in his bones that this girl was a gift of God, but it didn’t suit her. “I don’t think it suits you,” He said, “Marceline?” He asked and her face softened at the sound of it. He watched her mouth the word, testing it on her tongue. Her smile answered his question, she was Marceline, she was his Little Warrior.

Nyx came running back into the room, “Dinner!” He announced and Azriel caught the excitement on Marceline’s little face, and he wondered when the last time she ate a proper meal had been. His family would have fed her when she arrived, but a proper dinner, he didn't know. She scrambled off of his lap, “I have a name!” She told Nyx proudly, “What is it?” Nyx asked, “Marceline!” She told him, Nyx seemed to ponder the name she had told him, “Marcie.” He said, “I’m going to call you Marcie.” She grinned at him, “Let’s go!” She said, offering her hand towards Azriel to hold on the way to dinner and he felt lighter than he had in days smiling down at the two children clasping hands at his side. He made a note to talk to Cassian after dinner about turning the rooms that they used to share into somewhere for himself and Marceline to reside seeing as Cassian moved into the main bedroom with Nesta what seemed like years ago and to ask Mor to go with him for clothes and toys for the little girl. He had thought they would find her a good home, but he knew in the very marrow of his being that there was no better home for her than here, with him and hopefully Y/N. Besides, she had a built in best friend in Nyx here.

“See, she’s not scary!” Marceline told him days later when she had coaxed him into Y/N’s room. He sat stiffly in the chair next to her bed, Marceline perched on the bed next to her. Wishing he could switch places with her. She didn’t deserve to be lying there. Marceline had been begging him to come with her for days and he had finally relented. “She wasn’t scared at all, Azzy!” Marceline told him proudly, “She hit him real good until the second and third one turned up.” Azriel knew she had. He’d seen the bruises on Malakai’s face himself. “I want to learn how to fight like her!” She continued, “Nyxie says when we’re old enough we can train together but I told him we’re not going to the camps to train.” She rambled on, “He said his Daddy went to camp, with you and Cassie?” She asked, “We did, Little One, that’s where we met.” He told her, “So, Nyxie is going to be High Lord, I’ll be whatever you are and we need a Cassie!” She said and his blood ran cold at the idea of this sweet little girl being anything like him. “Nyx will be High Lord,” He agreed, “But you, you Little One, you can be whatever you want to be.” He told her, “But what if I want to be like you? A hero? Brave?” She asked him, “My Little One, you already are those things.” He told her. Movement in his peripheral vision snagged his attention. After three long days, she was waking up, “Marceline, can you go and find the others for me please?” He asked, she nodded happily, jumping off of the bed and gliding towards the floor, her little legs already running before he feet touched the wooden floorboards, “Be careful!” He called after her. Unlike the little shadow that had chosen Y/N and that had not left her side since he had found her, the one that had chosen Marceline was bigger and clung to her little wings most of the time, “Go with her, keep her safe, make sure she doesn’t run into an important meeting if Rhys is in one.” He told it. Realistically he could’ve called the others himself, but he was unsure of how Y/N was going to react, what headspace she would be in, and he needed Marceline safe and out of the way. “Keep an eye on her and Nyx, make sure they are playing.” The shadow shot off after the little girl.

Y/N:

You could hear Azriel. He was nearby and talking to someone, move, move move. You urged your hand and to your infinite surprise. It did move. He was here, he had come. You had heard everyone else over the past however long you had been in this darkness, including a little voice you didn’t know, but it rambled at you a mile a minute. “Y/N, come back to me.” Azriel spoke again and you wanted to shout at him that you were trying! Your eyes darted around the darkness and a shimmer urged you towards it. The closer you got to it the brighter it shined. A beautiful golden thread. You grasped it in one hand and pulled as hard as you could. You heard a gasp, then felt a tug back and with that your eyes flew open. “Azriel.” You said, except it didn’t come out as his name, rather a garbled mess of letters. “Here,” He said, propping you up gently with one arm and bringing a glass of water to your lips with the other and you drank deeply. “I need you to stay calm,” He said, “But I have to tell you something.” You looked up at him, “My wings are gone.” You said before he told you. He nodded, “I’m so so sorry.” He said, “If I could give you back the sky, I would.” His eyes shone with nothing but truth. “Is she okay? The little girl?” You asked and a dazzling smile graced his lips, “Ask her yourself.” He said as a little girl with big brown eyes came bounding into the room, a shadow chasing after her. “You’re awake!” She exclaimed. “I’m awake.” You told her as she scrambled onto the bed next to you, helped the last couple of inches by Azriel. “Are you okay?” You asked her, “Are you?” She replied, “I think so.” You told her. “I’m okay,” She said, “Just one little cut that's going to be a scar like Azzy’s! How cool is that?!” She asked, extending her little wing to show you. Azriel visibly cringed that this little girl thought anything about him was admirable. “What’s your name?” You asked her and she looked at Azriel with a big grin before turning back to you, “Marceline.” She said proudly, “Azzy gave it to me!” Azriel cleared his throat, “Well, technically, we picked it together.” She ignored him. “I didn’t have one before!” She told you.

Azriel sent Marceline and her shadow to go and find Nyx to play with and he was seated back in the chair next to your bed. “So, you're like a dad now?” You asked teasingly and he shrugged, “I guess so.” You smiled up at him, “It suits you.” He smiled bashfully. “Do you know?” He asked, “Know what?” You said, confusion washing over you, “What we are to each other?” He asked gently, it was then you remembered the thread and you gasped. “Are we, Mates?” You asked and he nodded. “How long have you known?” “When I found you. It snapped.” He told you. You just stared at him, “I understand if you want to reject it, if you don’t want me, I’m hardly the kind of male you deserve, hel, a 4-year-old had to drag me in here because I couldn’t face it, seeing you, looking so lifeless.” You cut him off, “Azriel?” He stopped talking, “Are those three males hanging in a dungeon somewhere, bleeding and wishing they’d never been born?” You asked and he nodded dumbly, “Of course they are, they laid hands on you, twice. You no longer have wings so neither do they.” He said, your smile clearly took him by surprise, “Then you are exactly the male I deserve, I see you, Azriel, all of you and I’m not scared.” You said softly, “Let’s just take it a day at a time, see where we end up.” He smiled, “A day at a time.” He agreed.

#acomaf #acotar #acowar #acosf #a court of mist and fury #a court of silver flames #a court of wings and ruin #a court of thorns and roses #acofas #a court of frost and starlight #azriel spymaster #azriel x reader #azriel shadowsinger #azriel acotar #azriel

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crossfandomslut · 7 months ago

Text

At Peace in your Fire (Pt 4)

part 1 part 2 part 3

Summary: the after math of the meeting in Hewn City

Pairing: Eris x Archeron!Reader

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: out of character Feyre (Keeping secrets from Rhys) slight angst, fluff 😊

Notes: Ahhhhhhhh !! Thank you everyone who is reading, liking, commenting, reblogging and asking to be on the taglist I love each and every one of you ! This chapter is a little short, but I really hope you like it ! I wanted to get something out this weekend, and cant wait to work on the next part this week !

Eris’ POV

Eris has experienced a lot of fear in his life. Plenty of terrifying moments to plague his nightmares every century of his life. But this- Y/n falling unconscious before them, crying out in agony before the darkness took her- he thought he had suffered all his worst fears by now. He was so devastatingly wrong.

He moved so fast he didn’t have time to think about what he was doing. He was to her before her head could hit the ground. But before he could pull her into his arms, Cassian grabbed her and Azriel yanked Eris back.

“Don’t you touch her.” Azriel growled.

“You’re lucky I moved as quickly as I did! None of you sprang to action and a head wound is the last thing she needs in this state!” Eris defended.

“Why do you even care?” Mor snapped.

“Okay, that’s enough. We need to get Y/n to Madja. This meeting is over.” Rhys started to walk toward Cassian where he still held Y/n’s unconscious figure.

All Eris could do was stand there dumbly and watch as they all prepared to winnow her away, and he would have no way to know how she was or what was wrong. He hadn’t felt so helpless in so long and it felt like a punch to the gut. Only Nesta threw him a look that he couldn’t quite decipher, but it wasn’t nearly as cold as she had looked at him before.

And then they were gone. And Eris had to sit down, or he may have thrown up. He was shaking with pent up energy and emotions. He couldn’t bring himself to look at her at all during the meeting, not when she has been looking at him with soft eyes that expected a good male to be standing before her. He was not good. He was tortured and twisted and wrong. He knew if he had looked into her eyes he would have fallen apart and gotten to his knees before her to ask for her forgiveness for what had happened with Mor, and even with Lucien. He usually brushed off the comments about those events, any event where his morals are questioned. But with Y/n standing there he felt such a need to defend himself- to explain. But he couldn’t. Not fully. And now Y/n will know he is a monster, and she will never again touch his hands with softness, never again look into his eyes with hopeful caution. Gods. All it took was one damn dance and Eris was a fool for her.

He had to see her again. Had to know if she was okay. For now, though, all he can do is go home to the Autumn Court, and pray his father remained unaware of his absence.

Y/n’s POV

Amber eyes, freckled skin, sharp cheekbones, and the softest red hair. Y/n had been dreaming of this face for weeks, but now, instead of a frozen lake with pain and fear in his eyes, they were on the dancefloor. He still looked at her with fear in those beautiful eyes, but this was a much more vulnerable kind of fear. Not fear of her power, but fear of her looking too closely at him. Fear of being seen. In this dream, he doesn’t turn and run away. In this dream he stays, and they stare into each other’s souls for a long while. Then, she leans into him and rests her head on his chest, and he continues to sway her back and forth until the song comes to an end.

When she looks back up at him, his face is cold. His gaze harsh and unforgiving as he pushes her away. She stumbles, but her family rushes in behind her. Eris, who was soft and warm moments ago, was now distant and cruel as he sneers and looks you up and down before exiting the dancehall.

Y/n jolted awake gasping for air. Feyre was immediately by her side, holding her hand. When Y/n catches her breath, Feyre cups her cheek and wipes away the stray tears that Y/n hadn’t noticed falling. Feyre climbs into the bed next to her. The small bed was set up right next to the fireplace, and Y/n crooned toward the heat and golden glow on her face. It was nighttime, or maybe the early hours of the morning. Feyre laid on the side furthest from the fire, her head propped up on her hand and reached the other out to comb Y/n’s hair with her fingers.

“How are you feeling?” Feyre whispered.

Y/n motioned to her throat in a request for water and Feyre jumped up to get it for her. After a few large, unladylike gulps, she set the glass down on her bedside table. “Thank you. I’m okay. What happened?”

“We were in the meeting with Eris,” Y/n’s heart skipped a beat at the sound of his name and tried to not make it obvious she had just been dreaming about him, “when all of a sudden you cried out in pain and fell unconscious.” Feyre finished.

“My head had been hurting throughout the meeting. I don’t know what was wrong, I’m sorry. That must have been so embarrassing and unprofessional. Is Rhys upset?”

“Rhys? Oh Y/n, of course not! He’s been worried sick about you. Like a mother hen. He’s terrible, honestly,” Feyre chuckled softly. It made Y/n feel more at ease.

“But we didn’t get the information from Eris about the Spring Court. I messed up the whole meeting because of a silly headache- “

“Y/n, stop, it’s really okay. Eris was being an ass anyway and- “ Feyre halted as Y/n groaned and held her head in her hands. “Y/n? Y/n what can I do?” Feyre sat helpless as her twin’s face contorted in pain. Y/n swung her legs over the side of the bed to fully face the fire raging in the hearth and she felt the pressure in her head lighten.

Feyre came to sit beside her again, and when she could think again, Y/n started to remember what happened at the meeting. She remembered being confused the whole meeting. By Eris refusing to look at her, by the history with Mor and with his brother, and the rising tension in the room and the distain that her family held for Eris. She remembered the pain in Eris’ voice that no one else could bother to hear, when he said, “not all of us were as lucky in our friends and family as you, Rhysand.” And that was when the pain in her head escalated to a point that she could not handle. Then she comes to now, when Feyre started to insult him, and the pain came back. The only to help, being the fire… Her twin wasn’t stupid. Y/n knew she had pieced it together too before even looking at her. And it wasn’t her daemati power. Y/n had worked tirelessly on her mental shield.

Y/n slowly turned to lock eyes with Feyre and was met with a knowing but weary gaze. “So… Eris, huh?”

“Ugh, Feyre!” Y/n groaned and threw her pillow at her head. Easily grabbing the pillow, Feyre and Y/n burst out into laughter. They hadn’t laughed like this together in so long. They had been so close until Feyre came to Prythian, and Y/n hadn’t noticed how much she had been missing her sister.

When their breathing slowed and they could once again keep a straight face, Y/n looked back to her sister. “I don’t know. I feel this pull to him, but I also know how much everyone hates him. I mean her tried to take you from us on that damned lake, he apparently has hurt Mor, and I don’t even know what to think about what happened to poor Lucien. And at the same time, I think I see him in a way that not even he can. He is the embodiment of fire, Fey. How could I not be drawn to him like a moth to a flame? I think… I think he might be a good male deep down. But I’m so confused.” Y/n sighed and put her head in her hands again.

Feyre rubbed her sister’s back in an attempt to soothe her. It makes sense, she thinks, for her sister to be intrigued by Eris. But she was in the same boat with their family’s animosity toward the male, it would be difficult to work around centuries of hurt, even if they were misunderstandings. “We’ll figure it out. It’ll be okay, I promise.”

When Y/n woke the next morning, it was close to noon and Feyre was gone. Likely off performing her duties as High Lady to get ready for the High Lords meeting, they were planning. As she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed, she noticed a quill and parchment sat out on her desk across the room. Having learned how to read and write not long ago, she thought it might be a sign to practice. She had already missed her usual lesson with Rhys or Amren, so this would have to do.

She wrapped the plush green robe tighter around her shivering frame and sat in the large desk chair with her knees to her chest, her head resting atop them. The desk was a beautiful cherry oak wood, stained to deepen the natural red tint of the wood. The complexity of the color and the grain of the wood had Y/n’s mind wandering to a certain male who was just as complex and had hair a similar shade of red. Thinking of the way his hand felt on her waist as they danced, how warm he was, and the moment of vulnerability he showed during the meeting. She felt her heart crack slightly as she recounted the look on his face and the way his voice broke imperceptibly when he said, “not all of us were as lucky in our friends and family as you, Rhysand.”

The memories had her picking up the quill, dipping it into some ink, and pressing to the page.

She folded the parchment into a triangle shape that could be carried by the wind, and with all her power, willed the wind to carry it to the Autumn Court. Hoping and praying to whatever gods may listen, that no one else finds it.

Eris’ POV

The minute he arrived back in the Autumn Court, Eris was so exhausted that he could have wept when he saw his horse standing there waiting for him. The chestnut stallion was a clear mirror of himself. Tall, deceivingly strong with his lean frame, and a coat the color red that could only be found in his home court. A striking white blaze ran down his long face onto his soft muzzle. As Eris approached him, Ignatius lifted his head in greeting and let out a low nicker. Eris approached him with tired eyes and a small, fond smile. “Hello, friend. Let’s go home, shall we?” Stroking his neck in a few long, slow movements, Eris mounted his steed and they started on their way back to the Forest House.

When they made it back to the stable, Eris took Ignatius’ saddle and bridle off, put him in his stall and made sure he had extra gain for the night. Giving his friend a final brushing, Eris bid him goodnight- although it was likely closer to morning by now.

As soon as his head hit the pillow, sleep embraced him in a tight hold and dragged him to a land of dreams. Dreams of Y/n and her shining y/h/c hair, her soft but calloused hands in his, and her stunning y/e/c eyes staring straight into his soul. He could stay in this dream forever he thinks. Hearing her soft voice say far too kind things to him.

Eris finally awoke when a maid opened his door and startled him from sleep. She squealed and jumped when Eris shot up from his bed, and profusely apologized as she scurries away, closing the door behind her. He rubbed his eyes and rolled out of bed, making his way over to his balcony where the first maid must have come in and set out his tea for the morning. The pot was cold by now, but that was no issue for a fire wielder. Quickly, his tea was hot once again as he sat and looked out upon the grounds of his house. House, not home. As he sat and breathed in the early afternoon air, something caught his attention. It looked like a piece of parchment floating on the breeze. It couldn’t be- but it kept getting closer to him and suddenly in was within his reach. He snatched the paper from the sky and looked at it with wide eyes. He could smell her. Y/n’s scent of cashmere and cinnamon, all things warm and comforting. He closed his eyes for a long moment, just breathing her in. when he regained his composure, he sat down and unfolded the letter.

Dear Eris,

I am fine, in case you were wondering. Truthfully… I’ve been wondering about you. Maybe that isn’t appropriate to say, but I’ve already written it and I simply can’t waste good parchment to not say what I mean and what I feel. I’m confused and I want to talk to you. I don’t believe there is ever only one side to a story and I’d very much like to hear yours.

Y/n

Eris choked out a laugh and had to cover his mouth with a hand to keep himself from breaking out into a fit. He knew she was bold, but this was something he could not have anticipated. She was thinking about him. Eris shook his head to clear his thoughts and rushed back inside to his large mahogany desk. The drawers painted the shade of green of the forest after a heavy rain. After he thought through what he wanted to say, he put ink to paper and wrote out his response. He hoped he didn’t seem desperate by responding with such haste, but he too was wondering about her and wanted to know her. So, he held the letter in the palm of his hand and set it alight.

Y/n’s POV

Despite the late start to her day, she tried to regain some sense of control by tracking down Cassian for a training session, eating lunch and doing some studying that Amren assigned her in the library. By the time she got back to her room, the sun was setting, and she asked the house to bring her dinner to her room.

With her eyes half closed from exhaustion, she plopped down on her couch in front of the already lit fire. When she peeled her eyes open, she noticed a small, folded paper sitting in front of the hearth. She felt her heart jump to her throat as she scrambled to reach for it on the ground. Holding her breath, she unfolded the paper delicately. As if it might turn to ash in her hands.

Dearest Y/n,

I am glad to know you are alright. I was… worried. About you. I am also happy to see your boldness knows no bounds. You fascinate me and I find myself wanting to know you. But it seems you have questions for me too, so let us make a deal. A question for a question. What do you say, little dove?

I eagerly await your response,

Eris

Taglist: @abysshaven @myromanempiree @lilah-asteria @96jnie

@ivy-34 @minaethrym @nebarious @anxious-study @slytherintaco @talesofadragon @paleidiot @marvelbros-oneshots @mariahoedt @tenebrisirae

#a court of thorns and roses #acotar #autumn court #eris acotar #eris vandaddy #eris vanserra #eris x reader #eris x y/n

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french-unknown · 1 year ago

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hiya, can i request hcs of straw hats reacting to their s/o getting seriously injured because of a marine?

𝐘𝐎𝐔'𝐑𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐋𝐘 𝐈𝐍𝐉𝐔𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘 𝐀 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐄

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒: luffy, zoro, nami, usopp, sanji, robin 𝐂/��: fluff, hurt/comfort 𝐀/𝐍: hiya! (〃´・ω・`)ゝ 𝐖/𝐂: 1k +

| m a s t e r l i s t |

𝐋𝐔𝐅𝐅𝐘

✧ The escape that he had previously taken lightly, with all the crew arguing, immediately took on different propensities when you were hit in the chest by a bullet from a Marine soldier.

✧ Luffy suddenly stopped laughing when you collapsed.

✧ He asked the others to take you back to the boat safely while he was left alone behind. He even refused Zoro's help.

✧ He returned an hour after you and, as the boat moved away from the coast without being bothered by any world organization, he came to join you in the infirmary.

✧ Throughout your convalescence, his days consisted of keeping face with his crew and living their adventures but, as soon as evening came, he would sneak into the infirmary to talk to you about his day. He told it to you in every detail without doubting for a second that you would eventually open your eyes.

✧ You were a survivor in his eyes. Period.

✧ As soon as you woke up, he brought you a piece of meat before even kissing or cuddling you.

𝐙𝐎𝐑𝐎

✧ From the moment you were injured and he looked up at your attacker, the Marine himself saw his life flash before his eyes.

The East Blue demon may have been on the other side of the battlefield, but he distinctly felt the drop of sweat running down his spine at the swordsman's murderous aura.

✧ On the other hand, so caught up in his revenge, Zoro didn't think about getting you out of the combat zone.

He stayed next to you in order to defend you at the cost of his life but, not for a single second, he thought it would be a good idea to send you to Chopper. He was too caught up in his rage to think about it.

✧ It was Robin who moved you to the boat and Zoro growled when he saw your body going away.

✧ His bounty had increased when you regained consciousness.

✧ You finally recovered but he didn't let go of you when the next fight arrived. He tried to discreetly hide the stress in his stomach at the thought of you being hurt again.

𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈

✧ From the moment she saw you bleeding, Nami became uncompromising. She won't go to the battlefield to fight if she knows she has no chance but she will have a cold rage.

✧ Tyrannical Nami appeared.

✧ She ordered several members of the Straw Hats to take special care of the one who hurt you. She sent Sanji first because she knew she would be able to convince him easily however, if you were really badly hurt, she would give the mission to Zoro to make sure they suffered. Even if it meant forgiving him his debts.

✧ When you returned to the infirmary, she led Chopper by the nose so that he could work hard to treat you. She might even push him to the point of making him cry or exhaust him.

✧ She couldn't bear to lose anyone else.

✧ Yet, when you woke up, she denied having worried about you. Instead, she told you that you were stupid to put yourself in such danger like that.

𝐔𝐒𝐎𝐏𝐏

✧ No matter the terror that cut into his stomach or made him want to cry, he overcame his fear to come and protect you.

✧ He pretended throughout your convalescence that he wasn't worried about you and that everything was fine. However, after dark, he would come to your room in the infirmary every night to sleep next to you and beg you to open your eyes. Not to die. Not to leave him alone.

✧ Seeing you, helpless, dying on a bed reactivated his traumas about his mother.

✧ His physical condition deteriorated because of the anxiety that was eating him from the inside. He was far too agitated to sleep, eat, or even think.

✧ The whole crew would see that he walked like a caged lion but he didn't want to bother anyone with his problems and traumas. He will eventually explode and tell them everything, and they will support him through this difficult phase until you are fully recovered.

✧ That didn't stop him from bragging about your rescue once the whole story was done.

𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐉𝐈

✧ As soon as he saw you on the ground, he immediately gave up his competition with Zoro over who would beat the most Marines or who would defeat the strongest. He forgot the swordsman and his taunts, to see him leave, and he went towards you as quickly as his legs carried him.

✧ He brought you back to safety as soon as possible.

✧ He watched over you throughout your convalescence. He didn't leave your room unless it was to cook for the crew or to wash himself. Otherwise, he took up residence on your bed or the chair next to it.

✧ No matter how hard the crew tried, he didn't get through the door.

Chopper tried to get him out—to take some time for himself—by promising to watch you but Sanji refused. Robin offered to take care of you while he slept in his own bed but he didn't leave your side. Nami asked him to visit the city together, and carry her shopping bags, but he didn't look at her. Even Zoro tried to trouble him to take his mind off you but Sanji didn't pay him any attention.

✧ His life only resumed when you woke up.

𝐑𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐍

✧ At first glance, she maintained impressive composure.

✧ She was very methodical in the procedure to follow: she formed a cocoon around you while she reached you, she protected you closely, brought you back safely on the boat and ended up entrusting you to the doctor.

✧ As soon as that was done, she returned to the battlefield and all hell broke loose on the entire Marine squadron.

✧ Even Luffy let her finish the fight without getting involved.

✧ Throughout your convalescence, she stayed with you without really worrying. She believed in your resistance as much as Luffy. She stayed quietly reading her book in the chair in the infirmary while waiting for you to wake up.

✧ The only indication you had of her concern when you opened your eyes was when she came to kiss and hug you as soon as you woke up. You were surprised but quite happy since she wasn't someone who was demonstrative.

✧ Chopper opened the door at that moment to check on you and ran away when he saw you kissing.

𝐉𝐎𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐅 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐘 𝐔𝐏𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @iheartamora @bontensh0e @opchara @d @lys-ada @xomingyu @parkyrr @yasmiinberkaa @dozcan123 @anotherproblemsos @cellgore @sketchmilk @kai-wifey

#one piece #one piece x reader #monkey d. luffy #luffy x reader #roronoa zoro #zoro x reader #nami #nami x reader #usopp #usopp x reader #sanji #sanji x reader #nico robin #nico robin x reader

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nattyswann · 1 year ago

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I’m not that bad. Am I?

Parings: sub!reader x dom!ace

Warnings: not really any warnings because most of this is just bickering between Ace and y/n but there is a bit of smut at the end!

Summary: if there was one thing you absolutely despised, it was pirates. You’ve encountered a few of them and they all were horrible people. Well…except the most recent one you’ve met..

• You can still remember the first time you met him. You hated his guts. Couldn’t stand the way he carried himself and how sweet he was to everyone around him. Well..the truth is you only really hated him cause you knew he was a pirate.

• “Can you guys believe it?! Firefist Ace is in the center of town, fighting a group of bandits!” Now, this you had to see. You followed the group of people. When you finally pushed your way through the large crowd, you couldn’t believe your eyes. Ace was putting those bandits on their asses. He used his crazy devil fruit power to handle them like they were ants. “Are you ready to admit it?”

• The leader of the bandit crew got up but he seemed like he was in rough shape after going a few rounds with Ace. “Screw you!” The bandit yelled out before charging at Ace. “Come on. Have you learned nothing!” Ace yelled back as he sent a Firefist straight at the wicked man. “All I needed you to do was admit that you tried to steal this young lady’s coin bag. This all could have been avoided.” Ace blew the tiny flame from his pointer finger as if it were a gun he just fired.

• The residents of your town cheered for Ace while he tried to make his exit less heroic as possible. “Please.” He held a hand up as he scratched the back of his head. “No need to thank me.” The townspeople continued their joyous cheers and applause. Ace hated this part of saving people. The part where they all surround him to offer him gifts to show their thanks. Ace just wanted to be a good guy and then go on his way.

• Ace got through the people and tried to waved them off but as soon as he turned around, there was a second large group of people. Now this was the part that he LOVED. The part where all the young ladies of the town came to thank him. “That was so heroic! Thank you for saving me.” The woman he defended rubbed his arm as she thanked him. “You are so strong. Where are you from?” Another woman asked while she stroked his long hair. You watched as the women fell head over heals for him. You weren’t like them though. Cause you knew his secret.

• When Ace finally got away from the village and out of sight from everyone he pulled out his log post. “Dammit. How much longer is this gonna take. I can’t stay on this island anymore. I need to set sail.” Just then another young woman approached him. That young woman being you. “Set sail?”

• Ace jumped up when he heard the voice of a woman behind him. He quickly shoved the log post back in his bag and looked over his shoulder to face you. “Oh, hey there.” He flashed you a smile. “What are you doing so far away from your town? Won’t they be upset if your wandering alone?” You didn’t respond as you just glared at him. You didn’t like him and wasn’t gonna fall for his charms like all the other townspeople and helpless damsels. “I know what you are.” You crossed your arms. “You’re a pirate. No better than the dirt on the bottom of my shoe.”

• “Oh? That’s really what you think?” “Yep. Im not sure why you’re even here.” Ace scoffed and his smile quickly went away. “Someone’s daddy raised them with a complex.” You furrowed your eyebrows at his statement. “What’s that supposed to mean?!” “It means that you think you’re better than me just because I’m a pirate.” Ace put his backpack on and strutted past you to start walking back towards the village. “Where do you think you’re going?”

• “Dont worry about me so much. Im just a lowly pirate after all.”

• Ohhh this guy was grinding your gears. You didn’t wanna allow him to just walk back into town but who were you to try to stop a crazy pirate. He could snap and attack a girl like you. If only you really knew what ace was thinking. He was never gonna hurt you. He would never hurt a women. He actually liked you. Thought you were really pretty.

• A few hours later and nightfall had come. Ace needed a place to settle for the night before he can take off tomorrow morning. He keeps walking throughout the town, in hopes of finding a sign that is welcoming a overnight stay. When he finally arrived at a building that had a sign that said one night there was only 40 berries, he couldn’t pass up that deal. Upon walking in, he got greeted by two women and he gave them a smile before bowing. When he lifted his head, he couldn’t help but chuckle at the face he was seeing. It was you! It was the pretty chick who was all mad at him earlier. Who woulda guessed that her parents owned this inn? Small village, huh?

• Once Ace got his room he began to settle in before hearing a light knock on his door. When he opened it, another smile creeped on his face. “We have got to stop meeting like this.” He said as he leaned on the doorway. “I don’t wanna meet you at all. In any circumstance.” He gave you a confused look while he tilted his head. “Yet…you came to my door..”

• “I work here. I still have a job to do.” You then forced a smile back at him. “Could I get you anything else before you turn in for the night? A glass of water or a snack before bed, perhaps?” You said through your gritted teeth. You couldn’t believe that you had to do this. If anything, you wanted to punch him in his face and curse him out for tricking your parents like their fools. “Mhhh.” He put his finger on his chin as if he were actually thinking. “I could use some company tonight. It gets lonely on the seas. So I haven’t spend the night with a women in a long time.”

• That was it. The last straw that made you snap. You took your hand and slapped it across his face. Ace was clearly caught off guard for a moment but he remained nice and let his smile return to his face. “You’re strong..” The man put a hand over the spot you slapped before continuing. “but I think you misunderstood me. I only want someone to talk too. Nothing more, I promise.”

• You scoffed but then thought about it. This was actually perfect. All you had to do was give him a few minutes of your time and then you ask him for a favor. That favor being to stay away and never return back here. “If I talk with you then you have to promise me that you will pack up and leave by the morning.” You said as you stomped your foot. “So if I promise to leave by the morning, you will stay here and keep me company?” You nodded your head and awaited his answer.

• “Deal.” He opened the door more for you to come inside. “Come in. Let’s talk.”

• You both sat and talked for about ten minutes until ace managed to slip in a compliment that caught you way off guard. You tried to hide the sudden blush that appeared on your face but Ace caught a peak of it.

• “I see ya’ blushing over there.” You hid your face and turned away from the man. “Barely! You must think I’m easy.” “Not at all, hun. I just think you’re really beautiful when you get all shy like that.” He put his elbow on the armrest of the car he sat in and leaned on his the palm of his hand while staring at you. “I also think you’re beautiful when you get all mad at me.”

• You guys sat for longer and just talked and talked about various different things. “This was nice. I surprisingly enjoyed this talk.” You quietly said. “I have been quite lonely and don’t really find much people to talk to besides my parents and the occasional fling. So thank you.” The tension in the room had started heating up way faster than you had expected. For some reason you had started to feel attraction for this pirate. When talking wasn’t enough to smooth the loneliness in each other’s hearts, Ace took it a step further and put a hand on your thigh. “Just know that you don’t have to be lonely all the time.”

• When you felt him reach your skin, you jumped a bit but let him rest his hand there. He was sort of right. You hated sleeping in an empty bed at night. So maybe tonight you didn’t HAVE to be alone. Needless to say, one thing led to another and now he has you right where he wanted you. In his bed with his hands roaming your body. “I can’t believe I’m letting this happen.” You grunted. Ace immediately paused and leaned up. “If you don’t want too then that’s fine. You can leave and I wont follow.” He put his hands up and gave you an opportunity to dip if you changed your mind. When you remained in the bed, Ace smirked and kissed you on the lips. “I knew you wanted me.”

• “Shh. Don’t be too loud, baby.” Fast forward a few minutes later, here Ace was - whispering in your ear while he rocked his hips into yours. “Your mother and father are just on the other side of this wall, aren’t they? What would happen if they found out their innocent daughter were gettting fucked by a pirate?” You wanted to hate him so badly but the way he was abusing your hole felt too euphoric. How could you betray yourself and let a pirate like him smooth talk his way between your legs.

• “Aghh!” You groaned out before ace could quickly put a hand over your mouth. “This isn’t working. I need you to be more silent for me or else we’ll get caught.” You reached up to remove ace’s hand from your face. “I can’t, Ace..it’s too much.” Your sentences came out all moany and broken but the way you said his name got Ace all riled up.

• “Really?” You could feel his lips curl into a smirk against your skin. “I could have swore I was no more than a dirty pirate to you. Now, you wanna moan my name?”

• You shook your head and tried to suck up your tears, not wanting Ace to see you crying from pleasure. “Stop it. It’s not like I like you or anything! I just..” you tried to think of how to word it to where he won’t get his ego fed. “I just wanted someone to make me feel good. I haven’t felt this good in a long time, Ace.”

• Ugh. Why would you tell him that. Out of all the other ways you could have worded that. Ace giggled and kissed you sloppily on the neck. “I bet you haven’t. You’ve never been fucked by a pirate before. I’m glad I’m your first one.”

• “Don’t get cocky. It’s not like you have my virginity.” “Don’t need it.” Ace took his hands and started fondling your tits while ever so often, suckling on your sensitive nipples. “I’m just glad I got to have you in general. You’re such a prize, babe.” The pirate didn’t let up on his fast strokes into your womb. He was minutes away from bursting inside but he needed to wait until you came for him. Ace had to make sure he exceeded your standards and make sure you change your mind about pirates.

• “Mmhh! Ace I’m c-cumming!” You wrapped your arms around his back to hold him closer. “Feels so good!” When Ace felt your pussy squeeze him and squirt on his cock, he had to pull out before he accidentally let himself go inside you. “Come on. Finish cumming on my cock so I can cum too. I’m almost there!”

• “Not inside!” Ace shushed you. “I know babygirl. Just let me take care of you.” He said as he swiftly pulled out and started stroking himself to finish on your body, painting your stomach in his white liquid. “See? Your pirate boy knows exactly what you want.”

• When you felt the bed shift and caught Ace standing up, you whined. “What are you doing?” He turned to you and giggled at your cute voice and expression. “Well we had a deal. Didn’t we?” He started putting his clothes on. “You told me to hit the road right after.” He looked back over at you and hated seeing the upset look you had. “Unless…you would rather I stay..?” “I mean..you did pay for a full night..it would be a waste of berries.”

• He threw his clothes back on the ground and hopped back in the bed with you. “Ah. So you actually like this little pirate?” You chuckled and covered your blush. “N-No! I just…think I judged you a bit too harshly..” you felt embarrassed to say it but you were wrong. Maybe not ALL pirates are bad..

#one piece smut #portgas d ace smut #ace x reader #ace smut #smut

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lowkeiloki · 7 months ago

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Private is very smart, right? Hes great at using resources he has on hand to get himself and the penguins out of a sticky situation. He comes up with the idea to pretend to be skipper to take shot for him, he covers himself in cockroaches to use as a camouflage from officer X etc. Hes also quite inventive in times of crisis as seen in "the untouchable" and "when the chips are down" And hes really skilled in combat, arguably the best in the team besides skipper. He manages to fight all of the penguins off in "cute-astrophe" he saves the penguins multiple times through the show and in the movie, hes all around badass and its annoying when the fandom portrays him as a helpless uwu baby that cant defend himself and relies on others in everything.

but on the other hand some people avoid babifying him so much they go the whole other direction and try way too hard to make him some sort of bad boy that is secretly edgier than he looks and bla bla. Like thats a guy that genuinely believes unicorns are real and thinks badgers are the scariest thing on earth, his weapon of choice is a twilight sparkle toy and the worst insult he can say is "liar liar pants on fire". He can and will fight and hes good at it, but he'll almost always seek a peaceful resolution first. He makes excuses for characters when all evidence points to them being bad guys (savio and space squid). And ofc looking for good in everyone isnt inherently stupid, but letting all your guard down in those situations kinda was. The guy was literally gonna walk into savio's enclosure when he invited them, his absolute worst fear are badgers, yet becky and stacy got his trust just by offering him his favourote candy, he travelled alone with a leopard seal to the freaking antarctica specifically into the leopard seal territory. He will drop his guard on a whim at the opportunity to help or befriend someone. And you may not like it but he is the baby of the family and its an important part of his character. The penguins see him as more childish and clueless than he actually is, but he is not fully caught up with them. He passes a dangerous trial and gets promoted to a first class soldier just to read a joke he ends up not understanding. He wants to be taken more seriously by other penguins while also having very childish interest which is honestly so relatable [from a person who is writing the penguins of madagascar analysis instead of studying for their college finals]. He can be badass smart and skilled fighter while still being a genue sweetheart with bit of childish worldviews without anything dark behind it. God forbid a man is full of childlike whimsy.

#private sweetie nobody gets you like i do #the penguins of madagascar

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witchygagirlwrites · 1 month ago

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Broken Bonds- Part 5

Former (ish) Greg "Mouse" Gerwitz x Reader, Baby Daddy! Jay Halstead x Reader

Jay is there for you when Mouse makes it back to base and is finally able to call but still won't admit that maybe he needs to let you in to the fact that he's struggling more than you know as well.

A/N: This chapter was supposed to go an entirely different way but apparently the fellas wanted to tell their povs (just a little) so here ya go 🤷‍♀️

Warnings: the usual

“Hey, wait up lil mama” you heard Kevin’s voice from behind you when your foot hit the bottom step of the stairs leading up into the precinct. You turned with a smile to see him half jog across the street to you “Morning Kev” His nicknames had slowly shifted once he found out you were pregnant and this most recent one seemed to be the one he was sticking with.

Once he got to your side he kissed your forehead and cut his eyes at your stomach, silently asking for permission. You nodded so he placed a large hand on your stomach “How’s you and lil bit doing?” you laughed “We’re good. The scan is friday by the way so you’ll know if you’re having a niece or nephew” his eyes lit up “Really? So you starting a group text or what cause you know if not we fixing to be fighting if you tell any of us first” you shook your head “Well me and Jay will know first then Stella, since I scheduled it on her birthday then Will then comes the group text for intelligence” he nodded “I respect that”

-----------

He held his arm out “Can I walk you?” you shook your head again but took his arm regardless. You knew Kevin meant nothing by it, he didn’t see you as helpless by any means. He was simply a gentleman at most turns. Two of the uniforms walked past the two of you and you braced yourself because one of them had made comments under his breath before, but you hoped he wouldn’t be stupid enough to let Kev hear it. He was nearly out of earshot when you heard “Guess she’s shopping for the next baby daddy?”

You felt Kevin stiffen and knew even without looking he’d heard him. “Excuse me?” he asked, dropping your arm to spin around and face both of the other men, effectively putting himself between you and them. “Let it go Kevin” you urged and he looked from them to you “Has this happened before” you cut your eyes at the uniform that had spoke “Get to work and I won’t mention this to Platt”

He nodded and nudged his partner, both of them taking two steps at the time towards their patrol car once they realized Kevin had indeed heard them. “C’mon. Let’s go to work too” you said, grabbing Kevin’s arm with a small smile like what had just happened didn’t. He remained rooted to the spot “Hell no. What was that?” you shrugged “Just guys gossiping Kev. Ya know? Like saying Jay is partner sexual…. That Mouse probably left because he found out I was sleeping with Jay…that they wonder if Hank was going to kick me out of Intelligence or if Jay fought to keep my spot since I’m a good enough fuck to not pull out of..”

You managed not to tear up at the last one and was proud of yourself for it. Kevin shook his head “That shit aint cool baby girl. You earned your spot, time and again. You’re a damn good cop. You were loyal to Mouse from day one. They keep putting your name in their mouth, I’m gonna knock it out of their mouth” you shook your head “No, you’re not. You’re gonna let it go and not make a big deal out of this because I do not need Hank ripping into the entire fucking precinct or even worse Jay finding out”

“Of course Jay don’t know. It wouldn’t have gone past one saying something if he did” Kevin sighed and you threw a hand up in the air “Yeah and he would’ve gotten suspended and for what? Some sense of defending my honor? He’s got enough to deal with, please Kev? For me?” You knew you were asking a lot of him but you and Kevin had been close for a long time, that was how you’d ended up staying with him for a few months when your landlord had kicked you out with no notice when he sold the building.

His shoulders sagged and you smiled slightly “Thank you” he shook his head “You’re pregnant. You have enough to deal with” you shrugged “I’m also a woman, I’m built to handle more” he laughed “That you are lil mama, that you are. Let’s get to work”

Hailey was sitting on the edge of your desk reading over a file while you ran down arrest records of the suspect you were looking at for the murder victim CFD had found in a burnt out SUV on the north end of the park. The Worst part? It was the woman’s husband. From his cell logs and emails you’d uncovered an affair and the financials had shown that he’d been paying a pretty hefty premium to have a life insurance policy out on her that paid out the highest amount.

“Look at this Hails. His first adult arrest was at eighteen, assault and battery on his then girlfriend because she and I quote went out dressed like a whore” “Guy’s a real peach” she muttered, looking over to your screen. All of you were just waiting on the arrest warrant to come down, you had his cell phone pinged on Hailey’s computer so if he moved it would chime and you could transfer it to a tablet to make tracking him mobile. You were grateful for the skills you had picked up from Mouse since your in field capabilities were starting to become limited, meaning Hank nor Jay wanted you on active takedowns which meant you were stuck driving and waiting in the damn car if a perp was especially violent.

You laid a hand on your little bump and Hailey cut her eyes at you from the movement with a small smile “They active again?” you shook your head “Not at the moment actually. I think they’re asleep for once” the moment the words left your mouth Jay walked in with Hank “Warrant just came down” as soon as Jay spoke you felt what could only be described as something running across the palm of your hand and you gasped.

Hailey jumped off the desk “Are you ok?” her eyes were wide with worry. You nodded with a small laugh “I think the baby kicked..Jay say something again” Hank raised an eyebrow “Go on Jay, we gotta get moving” Jay met your eyes and you could see he was a little confused before he said “Has his cell moved any?” and sure enough when he spoke the feeling happened across the palm of your hand again.

You shook your head as you stood up “Son of a bitch” “What?” he asked and you shoved his shoulder “I'm doing all the work and it kicked the first time for your frickin voice!” a broad smile split his face “I’m going to want to feel that when we have time later, you know that don’t you?” another little jitter across your stomach happened and you laughed “Don’t think that will be an issue” then nodded to Hank “Can I at least drive this time?” he shrugged “Sure, why not?”

You stood outside the interrogation room, watching Hank and Hailey manipulate the guy into a corner and he stumbled over his own words. “Got ya asshole” you whispered as Hank slapped the table “You killed your wife and I’m gonna see fit you die in prison for it”

You heard footsteps and didn’t have to turn to recognize them “Come to gloat our kid already likes you more?” you asked and Jay laughed behind you “No, I was just coming to make sure you didn’t need anything to eat. We all missed lunch” a little shiver happened across your stomach at his words and you laughed “That’s gonna be a hazard if you’re ever around when I’m trying to sleep”

He laughed as he stepped up next to you. You could see the way he kept looking at your stomach so you grabbed his hand and placed it near where you’d last felt movement “Say something” “I’ll try to make sure to not interfere in your sleep” a moment passed then you felt the jitter across your stomach under the heat of his palm about the same time his eyes lit up “I felt it” you nodded “I know, I felt it from inside. Boy or girl, they’re strong” he laughed lightly “Gonna be kickin ass in the nursery? Boxing the other babies?” The jitter happened again, more forceful this time and a genuine smile split his face. “There’s really a baby in there…like I mean I knew..I saw the ultrasounds and all but feeling it…” “Is an entirely different feeling?” you finished for him and he nodded “Makes it more real somehow. Like there’s gonna be an actual human being looking at us to take care of it” you laughed “We can handle it Halstead”

You realized you’d been standing there with your hand covering his so you moved your hand which caused him to withdraw his own. “We gotta talk about names after we find out the sex because lil bit Kidd isn’t gonna cut it” he joked and you raised an eyebrow “Kidd?” he motioned towards your stomach “Since we’re not together I figured you’d want them to have your last name”

You shook your head “No, call me old fashioned but I think the baby should have your last name Jay, I mean if that’s ok with you?” “Really?” he asked and you couldn’t quite decipher the look on his face so you nodded “Really” and a softer smile split his face before he laughed “Well lil bit Halstead still isn’t gonna cut it either” “Yeah, you’re right”

—-----------

Hank and Hailey walked out of interrogation and he nodded to Jay “Take him down to holding Halstead” “Yes sir” Jay replied and headed into the room. Hank looked towards you “Kidd, help Upton with the reports will ya?” “Yes sir” you replied, just grateful to have something to do besides twiddle your thumbs.

You had just dozed off when your phone started ringing. You jolted back awake, cursing the loud ringtone you’d chosen as you reached blindly for it on the side table before finally giving up and sitting up fully to be able to find it. You grabbed the phone and saw Jay’s name on the screen. You swiped to answer, one fear settling into your chest when you saw it was two in the morning “Jay”

“He’s not dead or hurt. You just told me to wake you up as a warning next time I heard from him” your hands shook as you swiped them across your face. “Fuck. I forgot” you knew he could hear the way your voice was shaking. “Do you want me to come over? I mean, if you’re shook up. I didn’t mean to scare you” “I’m not making you come out this time of night Jay” you whispered, taking a deep breath to not cry on the phone with him.

“You know I would, right?” he asked and you smiled “I know. Now what did he say?” he took a deep breath and let it out before saying “They’re headed to their base. They’ll be there by Thursday so he’ll be able to make regular phone calls to check in with others besides his point of contact” “So he’ll call the day before the anatomy scan” you whispered, voice breaking.

“I can handle it if it’s too much. I’ll take it all on me just tell me what I can do” he offered and you laughed, feeling tears threaten “I don’t know Jay. I’m scared to hear his voice because I know it’ll break me but I can’t not talk to him either. I can’t do that to him or myself” you closed your eyes for a moment then sighed “Talk to me. Tell me anything, talk about anything. Get my mind off of this. Off the gossip, off worrying, off everything” “What gossip?” he asked and you grimaced “Nothing” “Y/N?” “Never mind”

“No no no. Talk to me or I’m coming over there” he pushed and you sighed “I need promises on your temper. Remember if you lose it that me and the baby will get caught in the cross hairs” “I’m coming over” he said and the phone went dead. You stared at the phone open mouthed. He hung up on you! He fucking hung up on you!

—-----------

You slipped sweatpants on under the large t-shirt you’d gone to bed in and was sitting on the couch when Jay knocked on the door. You looked out the small window just to be certain before opening it to let him in, glaring at him “You fuckin hung up on me!” he shrugged and walked past you into the apartment “And you have apparently been not telling me some things”

He waited until he heard you lock the door and turned to face you with his arms crossed. “Talk” You shrugged one shoulder “Some uniforms like to give their opinions on shit that doesn’t pertain to them Jay! It’s no big deal and nothing I can’t handle” his face softened slightly “What’d they say?” you shook your head “Nothing that’s important ok?”

He shook his head “It’s bothering you. That much is apparent” you shrugged".I'm also pregnant and coursing with hormones. Adam stepping on a frog bothered me. I promise if it's anything serious I would tell you and let you handle it but it wasn’t worth pulling you or Hank into trivial shit ok?”

The baby started to squirm and you groaned, putting a hand on your stomach “Fuck why did you come over so late” he grinned “Did they hear me?” you nodded, reaching for his hand and putting it where you felt the movements “You woke them up!” he laughed before leaning down to your stomach “Hey um, I know we haven’t met yet but I’m your dad and um your mom is a very pretty but very scary lady who is very good at boxing and may kick my ass if you don’t let her go back to sleep”

You shoved him away from you with a laugh “You’re ridiculous you know that?” he shrugged “But you’re laughing when you sounded like you were going to cry on the phone so I’d say driving across town was worth it just for that” you shook your head “You didn’t have to come over” he put one hand back on your stomach and it felt like the baby moved to reach it “Maybe I wanted to see them, or check on you” you smiled “We’re both ok”

“Wanna talk about Mouse?” he asked, cutting his eyes up at you. You sighed “I know hearing his voice is going to make me break. I fucking love him so much Jay. That man owns a huge piece of my heart” he nodded, fingers tracing patterns on your stomach as you spoke since you hadn’t made him move his hand “I could come over? Try to help you hold it together?” you nodded “Maybe? I just..I don’t want this to be a distraction for him but then the idea of him finishing up his contract and coming home to see a toddler that looks like a mixture of his ex and best friend doesn’t sit right with me either”

He nodded then stood up to his full height before leaning over to kiss the top of your head “We’ll figure it out. I promise” you nodded slowly, cutting your eyes up to meet his blue ones “I hope so. I love this baby Jay and I don’t consider it a mistake regardless of how it came about but I don’t know how my heart would recover if something happened to him” he smiled softly “I know you don’t consider the baby a mistake and I really don’t know how I’d feel either if something happened to him especially if it was because of one of my actions. He’s been more than a best friend to me. Greg is strong as hell, so are you. We can all handle this” “What about you?” you asked and he smiled “I’m good as long as you’re ok and the baby is ok”

“We’re good” you promised so he nodded “In that case, I’ll head home. Call me when you get up and I’ll grab whatever you’re craving on the way in” “I can get my own breakfast” you teased with a laugh and he shrugged “Yeah but you’re growing the baby, least I can do is feed you” “Goodnight Jay” he smiled “Goodnight” before heading towards the door.

When the news finally came down to his unit that they had a date they were heading back to base Mouse damn near threatened to shoot Stevenson to use the phone first. The asshole kept the sat phone where everyone else had barely contacted anyone in the last couple months. The one time he’d managed to get a call out to Jay he’d waited until Stevenson was snoring to grab the phone from where the man was bear hugging it. Everyone was sick of his shit.

Everyone was sick of being out in the field. The lack of real food, lack of actual showers and no personal space whatsoever was enough to drive any man up the fucking wall. He knew he had no right to be looking forward to hearing your voice but he missed you. God, he missed you with every fiber of his being. Yeah he’d chosen this, he’d wanted this back. He’d chosen to break things off with you because at the time he signed the contract the end date was still up in the air and he couldn’t do that to you. You deserved a chance at being happy even if it wasn’t with him. Christ that thought alone was enough to rip his chest open.

He loved you more than he ever thought himself capable of loving someone. You were everything he could have ever dreamt of but if he had stayed in Chicago in the headspace he’d been in he was afraid he would’ve pushed you away and you wouldn’t have deserved that either. This way you had the freedom that if you found someone you wanted he’d broken things off with you so maybe you wouldn’t feel guilty, even if that thought was enough to damn near kill him. He truly did want you happy just the idea of another man being capable of doing that instead of him didn’t sit right with him. There was a part of him that wouldn’t turn off that screamed you were supposed to be his and he knew that. He wished there was a way to have both but knew there wasn’t.

Time wouldn’t stand still. If he hadn’t broken up with you, yeah you would’ve been right there waiting the moment he got off the plane but now? He wasn’t sure when or if he’d see you again regardless of what the last email the two of you had shared said. From what Jay said you were doing good, terrorizing Jay and Adam as always and you and Stella were keeping Kelly on his toes. He’d also said Voight had helped you find a place so that was good right? There was something in Jay’s voice the times he’d spoken to him though that wouldn’t quit nagging at him that something was wrong.

Jay insisted everything was ok so he’d convinced himself maybe it was just because he hadn’t heard your voice in so long. He was due back to base in two days now and would make it a point to call you as soon as he could, hopefully that would soothe that restless part of his soul and ease the worries you’d mentioned in your emails. He didn’t like the idea of you distracted because he knew the cases intelligence caught first hand and they weren’t exactly easy.

He laid back across the tiny cot and covered his face with his arm, trying to summon sleep but instead your face flashed through his mind. He had that polaroid of you and him that Kevin had given him on your last birthday in the top of his helmet. He knew he shouldn’t. That was where you kept your girl, not the girl who's heart you broke but he needed you close.

He’d made a lot of mistakes and breaking things off with you when you hadn’t wanted it was probably near the top of that list even with the addiction and the truck of stolen blu ray players.

He turned to his side, the cot creaking from the movement and hoped sleep would come.

“So, you’re gonna go to her place and be there when Mouse calls tonight?” Jay was beginning to regret meeting Will for lunch or at the very least not begging you to come along. You’d always gotten along well with his brother and now that you were carrying Will’s niece or nephew you seemed to always win any argument with the redhead the moment they started.

He pushed his half eaten burger away and motioned to the waitress for his check. “Yeah. She asked me to. She doesn’t want to be alone when he hangs up and she doesn’t have to hold it together anymore” You’d asked him that morning, cornering him in the break room. How the hell was he supposed to say anything but a resounding yes? You were standing in front of him, one hand on your stomach and a small hopeful smile on your face as you looked up at him.

Will shook his head as the waitress came over and placed both of their checks down. “What’s that look about William?” Jay asked him and he shrugged “Nothing man. I just wonder if you’re dealing with everything you need to or if you’re throwing so much into protecting her and protecting Mouse that you’re not trying to work on yourself any” what the hell did he mean by that?

He was going to therapy weekly with Dr Charles, attending every appointment you had with Dr Asher and didn’t even go to roll call and threaten every damn uniform until he found out just who had said what that put that look in your eyes when you’d talked about it. He was doing pretty good by his standards. When he didn’t reply Will raised an eyebrow “How much are you sleeping man?” he shrugged “Three or four hours” and knew what was coming before his brother ever groaned loudly “Have you told Dr Charles?”

Jay closed his eyes for a second because he didn’t want to deal with this. He’d agreed to meet his brother for a burger, that was it. Not a fucking lecture. “Yeah, I mentioned it” “And?” Will pushed so he reached for his wallet before digging out the money to cover the bill “He said something about this thing with Mouse could be triggering my trauma response”

When he raised his eyes to look at Will again he wished he hadn’t “So it’s a form of what? Survivor’s guilt peeking back up or PTSD flaring?” “I don’t know man! Ok? I don’t fucking know!” he hadn’t meant to snap at his brother, he knew he was just trying to look out for him and he damn sure hadn’t meant to draw the attention of a couple nearby tables. Him and Will both gave a small smile before he lowered his voice and added “When I sleep it’s nightmares. Sometimes it’s flashbacks…things that have actually happened”

“And others?” Will asked and Jay took a deep breath before saying “Others are even worse” Others ranged from you dead, the baby cut out of your womb to Mouse’s funeral because he’d found out and decided to not come home at all. “Have you told her you’re struggling?” Will asked and Jay shook his head quickly “No! And neither are you. She’s pregnant, her first pregnancy at a high stress job and she’s worrying about Mouse on top of people apparently choosing to run their mouth about her anytime they think I’m not around and she refuses to tell me who said it or what was said. I gotta protect her from what I can. She doesn’t need to be worrying her baby’s father is gonna go off the deep end before the baby ever gets here”

Will shook his head “So it’s ok for you to protect her and Mouse, ok for her to protect Mouse but it’s not ok for anyone to protect you? How’s that going to end?” Jay checked his phone and saw a text from you that read Voight got a tip from a C.I. He wants everyone back

He showed Will the text and shrugged “Gotta go man” Will sighed “Let me know how it goes?” “Of course” he replied with a tight smile before jogging out the door to his truck.

You were pacing a solid line on your living floor. While Jay had gone for lunch with Will, Stella had come to the precinct and the two of you had eaten in the breakroom.

“So Mouse is calling tonight?” she asked, taking a bite of the bbq chicken she’d ordered. You nodded, stabbing at your own food “Yeah. Will be the first time I’ve talked to him on the phone since about five months into him leaving” she was quiet for a moment before asking “So first time you’ve spoken to him on the phone since about a month before you slept with Jay?”

You nodded again “Can I ask you something Stel? And you not answer as my big sister who would do anything to protect me?” she laid down her fork and crossed her hands in front of her, eyes drilling into yours “What is it babygirl?” You kept your eyes down on your food, not really seeing it but needing the distraction as you asked “Am I a horrible person for getting pregnant by the man I still love’s best friend?”

You slowly raised your eyes and she was chewing on her bottom lip. “Just speak your mind Sis” you begged and she smiled slightly “No sweetie because no matter the fact that you still Mouse and I don’t doubt the fact that he still loves you the fact does remain that he broke up with you before he left. It’s not like this happened the moment he left Chicago either! He was gone six months! Six months! And I know for a fact a lot of guys asked you out or hit on you in Mollys and you turned down each and every one.

You were in a spot where you felt hopeless and was heartbroken, Jay was in that same spot and you both turned to someone you knew and trusted. Does it mean that will help Mouse’s heart with the facts? No. Does that make you a horrible person? Never.”

—---------

A knock at the door nearly made you jump regardless of the fact that you recognised the knock anywhere. You opened moved to the door and smiled when Jay was standing on the other side of the threshold holding out a blueberry banana smoothie with a bag of chinese food in his other hand “Figured lil bit would be kicking your ass about now since Stella said you didn’t really finish your lunch”

You rolled your eyes “Will needs to step up his game as uncle. I don’t even get a bullet point but Stella apparently gives you a highlight reel” you moved to let him in and he slid the smoothie into your hand and pressed a kiss to the side of your head “We need to talk about what she said” he added before heading to the kitchen.

You closed the door and turned to face him “What did she say?” he raised an eyebrow “Really? We’re gonna play that game?” you shrugged “Pregnancy brain, I forgot” he shook his head “That you asked if you were a horrible person. I thought you’d tackled this hurdle with Dr Charles” he sat the bag down and started taking the boxes out so you walked over to help him “Jay, you of all people know shit like healing isn’t linear. Just when I think I’m eating the guilt I think about it too hard or I get too comfortable or I like the fact that the baby responds to your voice and another wave of it tries to drown me”

He turned to face you, one hand coming up to push the hair back out of your face as it cupped the side of your head “That’s when it’s my job to jump in and pull you out of that wave” his other hand brushed against your stomach “You didn’t do this alone, you’re not going to do this alone. I know where I stand with you. The comfort level, you liking the baby responding to me..it’s just that. The baby. You want your child to have a good father. That’s normal and I promise I’m going to do everything in my power to give you that but don’t do that to yourself. Don’t worry about what anyone else says. We know where we stand with each other”

—---------

You swallowed hard and opened your mouth to respond but was cut off by your phone ringing. He nodded towards the living room “Go get it.I’ll stay in here to give you some privacy” you felt your heart jump up into your throat and what had to be a backflip from the baby at the same time “Ok” damn your voice sounded small.

You damn near ran to your phone and snatched it up before it could stop ringing. When you swiped the unfamiliar number a moment of static hit your ears then Mouse’s voice “Hey sweetheart” your hand flew to your mouth in an attempt to stop the sob from escaping at the emotions that slammed into you at hearing him.

You eased down onto the couch and swallowed twice before saying “Hey Greg” when he laughed you could damn near hear the smile on his face, the way his eyes would light up and how he’d look at you with everything when he spoke to you “I love that you’re one of the only people that ever call me by my actual name” you felt tears start to break free and didn’t try to stop them, instead just focusing on keeping them out of your voice “I only call you Mouse when you piss me off” you teased and he laughed again, the sound making your heart flip and the baby squirmed from how your body was reacting. You put a hand on your stomach in an attempt to soothe the baby because they were currently burrowing into your ribcage and that shit hurt causing you to jump up off the couch.

You must have let out a huff of air because his voice changed from laughter to concern “Hey, are you ok?” you let out a slow breath, rubbing your side in an attempt to urge the baby to move. Jay’s eyes silently tracked your movements, trying to gauge if you needed his help. After a moment the pain passed but you and Jay shared a concerned look, what were you gonna tell Mouse?

“Um, yeah I hit my side tackling some asshole today. Will said it was ok but I must have turned the wrong way” you closed your eyes, silent tears flowing down your face from lying to him. You hated it but it wasn’t like you could say “Oh no worries honey, the baby that your best friend put in me is doing gymnastics at the moment” his voice softened “Wonder woman thinking she’s invincible again” you laughed lightly “You just wanna see me in the outfit” that pulled another laugh from him “There’s a mental image that will carry with me for months to come..thank you for that Y/N” you wanted to tell him so much, that you missed him and hoped he was safe. That you hoped he’d get an end date soon, that he’d figure out what he wanted to do afterwards, that he’d be happy.

The only thing you managed was “It’s so good just to hear your voice and know you’re ok” you wiped your eyes and turned with your back to Jay. You couldn’t talk to Mouse and be looking at Jay the entire time. Your stomach was already rolling. “You don’t know how good it is to hear your voice” he replied, causing you to focus on your breathing.

You could hear another man’s voice behind him “Gerwitz, we’re on a time limit first day back. Everybody has someone they wanna call” “C’mon Gore give me a few more minutes” “Mouse dammit, get off the phone and give it to the next in line. You haven’t even hit the showers yet”

Your heart twisted knowing he hadn’t even bothered going to the showers first when they got back to base, he made a beeline for phones. He called you before showering or eating or even settling. He called you before his own comfort. Checking on you came before his own comfort.

“I gotta go Y/N. I’ll call when I can and try to text if I can get my hand on a phone card. If not I’ll email as I can and maybe even be able to hit a zoom call if we’re lucky but you’ll have to drag Jay into it so I can see his ass too”

You swallowed hard “I will, I promise. Stay safe and keep your promise about seeing me in person again ok? I can’t live the rest of my life without seeing that face again” he chuckled “Oh darlin, they aint got a bad enough war to keep me from breaking that promise. You stay safe too. Bye” “Bye”

—----------

The moment the line went dead you dropped the phone and crumpled back onto the couch, sobs wracking your body. You hadn’t even heard him move but before you knew it Jay was sitting next to you, wrapping both arms around your body “Sweetheart, you gotta calm down. The baby can’t take this” you turned to bury your face in his neck so he pulled you closer, nearly into his lap. “Just breathe baby” he whispered into your hair.

“It’s the lying…I fuckin hate the lying” you spoke against his skin and he nodded “I know sweetheart, I know” you laid your head back down so he started rubbing across your back, trying to soothe you because he didn’t know anything else to do.From the position the two of you were in your stomach was against the side of his and when he felt a weird movement he cut his eyes down at you for confirmation and you nodded “That was a kick” before burrowing further into him.

You knew you should just eat and go to bed but you couldn’t find the strength to move and Jay was so damn warm against your body. The baby was curled up against the side of your stomach that was closest to Jay. You needed to comfort of someone, you were losing your fucking mind between hormones and guilt and the fuckin mouth running. There were worse places than Jay's arms.

You felt yourself dozing off but didn’t quite register it until a few hours later when you woke up. You were still in the same position, curled up to Jay and he still had his arms loosely around you. You looked around at the clock to see about five hours had passed. You started to uncurl yourself but your limbs didn’t quite want to work with you. You gently tapped Jay,a little worried to startle him but he jolted just slightly before remembering where he was. He smiled gently at you “Are you ok?”

You nodded “I’m ok. I just can’t get up on my own. I think my legs are asleep and I’m really hungry and I gotta pee” he laughed before nodding “Ok then, let’s get you up. While you pee I’ll warm up the food we never ate” you smiled and when he started to stand you stopped him with a hand on his arm. He looked at it then at you so you smiled again “You’re a damn good man Jay Halstead” the smile that split his face was enough to make you hope the baby got his smile “Thank you. Now let’s get you up”

@desimarie12

Part 6

#jay halstead x reader #greg mouse gerwitz x reader #jay halstead x you #mouse gerwitz x reader #chicago pd fanfiction #chicago pd fic #greg gerwitz x reader #chicago pd fanfic #chicago fire fanfic #greggerwitz x reader #jay halstead fanfiction #jay halstead angst #broken bonds masterlist

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storytellerslense · 7 months ago

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JJ Maybank character analysis

The meaning of the gun

"I got this thing, you know, to protect us" (JJ Maybank, Season 1, Episode 3)

At the start of the Pilot we see JJ Maybank as a funny, imaginative, rebellious guy who, although doesn't really think through the consequences of his actions, seems quite harmless.

However, his personality becomes a bit darker and erratic after he steals a loaded gun. He gets literally obsessed with always carrying it around and, to the dismay of the Pogues, does not hesitate to show it off for intimidation.

The possession of the gun holds a deep symbolic meaning for JJ Maybank, which goes far beyond the simple necessity of self-defense. Psychologically it can be described as "compensation" and a "defense mechanism." These terms describe how individuals use symbolic objects or behaviors to cope with inner conflicts or to make up for a lack of control in their lives.

The gun as a symbol for power and control

For JJ, who grows up in an environment where he has little control over his own life and safety, the gun symbolizes the opportunity to regain control. The gun gives him the feeling that he can protect himself and his friends.

Also, JJ is the one who faces the most oppression from many sides—whether it's from his abusive father, societal stigmas, or conflicts with the Kooks. Owning a gun represents a form of power that he otherwise lacks. It serves as a means for him to defend himself against those who oppress him.

In a powerful scene in Season 1, JJ points the gun at his abusive father and later breaks down crying to his friends: "I can't take it anymore... I was gonna kill him!"

The gun as an expression of JJ's inner conflicts

JJ's decision to possess a gun is an expression of his inner anger and desperation. The weapon represents his deep-seated frustration and his drive to combat the feelings of helplessness that overwhelm him due to his familial and social circumstances. It also expresses JJ's self-destructive tendencies. His willingness to take extreme measures highlights the depth of his emotional pain and despair.

The gun as a proof of coming of age

For JJ, forced to grow up early due to parentification, the gun also symbolizes his claim to independence and maturity. It is a means through which he can prove himself as capable and adult, someone who can protect himself and others.

Because he is often not taking seriously, JJ believes that possessing a gun will earn him more respect. It is an attempt to strengthen his position in the social hierarchy and assert his autonomy.

"(...) Remind you that I am the only one who can properly defend us." (JJ Maybank, Season 1)

The key moment of JJ losing his weapon

In "Outer Banks" Season 2, Episode 4 JJ Maybank finally gives up his weapon. It happens when the Pogues are about to get cornered by the police. JJ brandishes his gun in order to assert control over the situation. Recognizing this, John B steps in by assertively taking the gun out of JJ's hand, letting it fall to the ground, gently reassuring him, that he is going to be ok.

This message was extremely important for JJ, lifting the heavy weight of responsibility finally off his shoulders. JJ, being usually prepared to constantly put his own life on the line for the well-being of his father or his friends in order to "earn" their love and respect, was now protected and guided himself by his best friend.

"It's gonna be alright." (John B., Season 2, Episode 4)

After a short moment of indecisiveness and shock, JJ gives in and completes the act by quickly kicking dirt over the gun, so it stays hidden before the police can find it.

This is one of the most powerful, though underrated scenes in Outer Banks, because it really marks a key moment of JJ's personal development. It signifies his willingness to confront his inner demons: giving up control- for once not relying on himself but really trusting someone else's judgement. He is also accepted and cared for without having to proof himself or fulfill someone else's needs beforehand.

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hey-haven · 3 months ago

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I cannot be silenced! Yuuki Mishima you deserve better!!!!

Looking back I do think it’s kindaaaaa gross how Mishima was treated by both the writers and the fandom. I do think between this and Baby Reindeer (work with me here) people really can’t grasp the idea of a flawed victim.

When it comes to the media, people are more willing to accept a palatable victim. Someone who is either a completely helpless damsel in distress, or someone who can bravely fight back and overcome their abuser and grow stronger from it. But that’s just not how it really works a lot of the time.

I remember when Baby Reindeer came out, there were a good handful of viewers who would go as far as to say that Donny deserved the abuse he was receiving because he was essentially enabling Martha in some way. And then we peel back the curtains and learn the reason why he enables her is actually, arguably, far more horrific than we could have thought.

People didn’t like that he didn’t do the just and noble thing right away, but that’s frankly why I like the story so much. Survivors of abuse don’t just come out the other side fully grown and matured from their experience. They will have to deal with issues that have branched out from the seed that was the abuse. Sometimes we will learn to bite back as a way to cope. Sometimes we can become desperate, clingy, avoidant, angry, violent, paranoid, we can end up hurting someone else. It’s not good and people have every right to be angry when survivors do something bad, but that’s sadly how some people become after dealing with abuse.

So no, the perfect victim you see in stories are almost never real.

Abuse doesn’t make stable individuals. Quite the opposite really. I think it makes a lot of sense for Mishima’s story to go the way it did. Someone who was isolated for years because he was bullied throughout middle school only to become one of the main targets of an abusive, power hungry teacher? No yeah, I see why Yuuki became obsessed with fame and attention. I see why he is extremely clingy to the protagonist. It’s all obvious signs of a sad kid who finally found some form of connection and is desperate to hold on to that. Obviously what he did was not good, but the story makes that very clear. It’s not like they ever tried to excuse his behavior.

I think it’s gross how people whittle him down as some annoying pest, when the thing that made him so clingy and obsessive is years of isolation, bullying, and physical abuse/manipulation. I’m not saying you can’t find those aspects annoying, I very much get why it can be. Even I have moments where I go “dude I can’t keep defending you”. That being said, I do think people should be more willing to step back and look at the bigger picture.

Yuuki actually takes the steps to better himself without the Phantom Thieves changing his heart, which goes to show that he actually has a very strong will and moral compass even if it does lose its way now and again. His healing won’t be linear, but he is trying. I think that makes him a stronger person than people give him credit for

#this ended up being longer than I meant it to be oops #haven rambles #persona #persona 5 #p5 #yuuki mishima #mishima yuuki

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hell-drabbles · 9 months ago

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Lucifer and Ra-on 3

Summary: Ra-on cannot keep himself from being nosy. He had to see how you and Lucifer interact when he’s not here.

(Man Ra-on's my favorite punching bag. Here's another Ra-on not getting anything he wants.)

Ra-on knows it’s bad to be tailing you, especially when you’re such a private person, but you really leave him no choice. He’s been asking for advice, for ways to help with his relationship with Lucifer since you two have been talking more and more, but all you said was just to leave it be.

Ra-on has to reunite the devils somehow, and if you refuse to help him towards that goal, he really has no choice but to take matters into his own hands and peek in. Things between him and Lucifer have reached a point of stagnation.

Perhaps, if he sees the way Lucifer interacts with you, then Ra-on will get an idea as to how to move on forward.

So, he hid behind a wall, just within earshot of a quite conversation you’re having.

A conversation where the topic was all about him.

“I’m not going to pretend that Ra-on’s a good person and defend him just because. Sure, it does annoy me that you show that not-so-subtle hostility to him, especially back when you didn’t know shit about him, but…”

Lucifer was silent, his eyes closed and breathing so slowly it looked as if he fell asleep. But Ra-on has watched and he has learned. Your words are the only thing Lucifer can concentrate on. He closed his eyes to focus all his senses on your voice, on this conversation.

“But, you don’t spoil him, at all, no matter how helpless Ra-on tries to make himself be,” you gave a frustrated sigh, as though a memory popped in your head and all you could do was massage the back of your neck, “it was pathetic to watch him force himself be this bumbling idiot. Making himself trip over nothing, pretending to forget rules when he breaks them so nobody can get mad at him. It’s… well, I’m just glad you don’t play along, you know?”

…Ra-on doesn’t get you sometimes. One minute you’re conversing with him like you’re friends, protecting him when angels or devils get too close and his words fail him, and the other minute, you’re saying things like this. You’re not two-faced, this Ra-on knows well. He’s been on both ends of this treatment, you don’t hide it at all.

It’s just… Ra-on really has a hard time understanding why you continue to bother. He wants to question you. Honestly, confronting you would probably be the only way he can get his answers but, Ra-on can’t.

Being brave about anything has led him into trouble, no matter how he tries to go about it. And, the longer Ra-on is here, the longer Hell continues to shower him with the love and affection he was always missing out on, the more Ra-on thinks that you’re probably someone that can never be satisfied with anything he does.

So many devils love him, want him, and talk to him all the time. He’s never had this many lovers before. For the first time, Ra-on feels as though he did something right with himself, that perhaps he wasn’t the waste of space he thought himself to be.

Every devil loves him no matter how much he may fumble with his words. And Ra-on can’t help but love every devil in turn, after everything they have done and given him. For all this, surely Ra-on has been doing something right.

Surely, this is his reward after everything he has suffered.

…and yet, farther and farther away you go. You look at him and talk to him, but you’re still as tired as ever. Tired of him. Like it was his fault.

…

Lucifer open his eyes. It was always a shock, to Ra-on, that his eyes were capable of anything besides that intimidating apathy. They were warm, gentle.

Familiar.

…Minhyeok used to stare at him like that, way back when. But now, they were just sad.

Ra-on thought it rewarding that Lucifer’s eyes had gone from hostile to neutral, that their relationship had progressed into something a little more emotionally intimate, but in this moment, he’s realizing that they have barely progressed at all. In fact, there was no progression. Lucifer was just like you, tired of him, drained just by him existing in the same space as him.

But, Lucifer was an angel once, no? He’s not devil-born in origin and he loved God with every fiber of his being, right? And, Solomon is still deeply connected to him, so of course there would be lingering resentment. And, the other devils under Lucifer, they have to follow the will of their king.

Right, right, that’s it. Lucifer and Ra-on can become closer still, so that all the devil kings may be in the same room one day.

Ra-on has to try harder, so that he may one day see a smile on that beautiful face. How bright that day would be, to have that aimed solely at him. A smile on a sculpted body, that’s nothing short of paradise.

“Hell cannot be saved by someone who’s convinced of his own helplessness,” Lucifer leaned forward, as though about to whisper to you a secret, “Spoiling him, as the others have done, will only rot him further. I’ve seen it happen before with my own brothers.”

You leaned back on your hands, burying your hands in the grass. “So, it’s all for the greater good? That’s all that’s keeping you from spoiling him and giving him what he wants?”

Lucifer leaned further in still, fingers just barely skimming the edge of your nails.

Ra-on’s heart was caught in his throat when that devil glanced over to his hiding spot. He covered his mouth and retreated behind his corner of the wall.

“I want no part in a selfish human’s fantasies, savior of Hell or otherwise.”

…selfish? Being spoiled makes him selfish? Wanting to be closer to Lucifer makes selfish?

Ra-on peeked back over.

“However, if there’s anything you want to indulge in, then I wouldn’t mind trying to make your fantasies come true. I can give it to you. Everything.” The bloodied feathers on his back shivered, as though he wanted to fly. Or, perhaps, Lucifer wanted to embrace you with his wings. To hold you close, in the same way the devil kings did him.

In the same way they all did when they were offering their power to him in the form of a pact.

You blinked, then shifted your weight to one hand just to get a better look on his face. “That’s a nice offer you got there, Lucifer, but that’s alright. Anything I have, I think I can make come true on my own.”

Only then did he back away and finally gave you space. Lucifer laid back down on the grass and shut his eyes once more. “May that day come soon, then.”

#whb #what in hell is bad #what in “hell” is bad #hell-drabbles #ask #drabble #paradise lost #lucifer #reader insert #embittered companion au #ra-on

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buttercupshands · 10 months ago

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Chapter 419 Analysis or "How to make allies not pawns" a helpful guide from League of Villains (part 2)

This is now a second part of Tomura character analysis.

With chapter 419 being probably our last time seeing Tomura for a while, since we need to learn what happened with Aizawa now is time to remember that not only bad things exist it Tomura's life.

Warning of spoilers to the whole manga to the point of chapter 419! All of the warnings from My Villain Academy side of manga are applicable

So like... mentions of death, killing other people, manipulation, emotional abuse and many more!

This is Part 2 - See here for Part 1 of this depressing mess

With AFO being so sure that he knows better and actually controlled every single part of Tenko's life creating a Symbol of Fear without any redeeming qualities or even hope for saving after he destroys him. There's one thing that AFO still doesn't understand about Tomura and never did - and that's his allies, or the League of Villains that he created.

Even Kurogiri, being a Nomu who's views do not stray from what AFO thought was important didn't exactly understand what did Tomura think about his allies quick to assume that he thought of them as pawns all the was back in the Training Camp arc. With Tomura making game examples to explain the situation, he still didn't think of LoV as just pawns on a desk, like AFO does.

At the time of USJ arc there weren't many people Tomura called this, which could make you wonder how much it was just AFO's plan rather than Tomura's with him never worrying about those other villains yet getting so worked up over losing Nomu not only because he was strong enough to defend him from All-Might, but treating his defeat as something that must be avenged.

And that was long before Stain even entered the picture, the first of three people who greatly affected Tomura's view of his own motives alongside AFO's manipulation of literally everything else.

Tomura was terrified of fighting All-Might seconds before this and yet as this goes on it's becoming more noticeable - Tomura doesn't care for his own fear or worries as long as he's fighting for someone else's good. Not so different from how Izuku is ready to disregard himself for the sake of others, resulting in many injuries and being so close to dying so many times.

It never was a secret that Tomura is highly dependent on others to keep himself from losing confidence, or even will to fight, getting either too anxious to continue without anyone's reassurance.

And while AFO's "help" was mostly given only with some kind of lesson as we saw in "Tomura Shigaraki: Origin", with AFO literally sitting there, saying how Tenko is weak for not killing but showing some restrain instead suffering himself, never actually helping or comforting him. Only offering what he deemed nessesary for his own plan of making Tenko kill those thugs not caring that he's feeling sick from those hands.

But in USJ it's not AFO who's there with Tomura, it's Kurogiri, who was shown to still have some care that Shirakumo had that even Aizawa and Mic couldn't argue that it's similar to how Shirakumo couldn't just leave a kitten in the rain. No matter the responsibility that it would bring with taking a little one in.

A helpless little kitten that didn't get the help it needs from anyone else. Sounds way too familiar.

This never was a direct order from AFO other than he needs to "tend and protect" for Tomura, which can mean anything from just looking out when Tomura's sick, or protect him from any tread like someone trying to kill him.

Not helping him getting over his anxiety to fight or helping him and guiding him to do better as a leader of the League calming him if it got out of control. Which is somewhat opposite to the way AFO deals with Decay and Tomura's temper - letting him destroy anything even the hands that he gave him, just offering new ones when he succeedes and never really caring for his pawns, he can always get new ones.

And surely not asking if Tomura's well the first thing while talking to Heroes.

Which then leads us back to how Tomura never viewed anyone that he chose as pawns calling them his allies, with the word '仲間' which can even be translated as friends in needed context, but usually used as comrade or ally when Tomura says it. And the same thing is usually translated as "friend" when used by Twice.

In any case Tomura never once doubted his allies since he saw them as reliable, even if his first meeting with Toga and Dabi went so wrong that Kurogiri had to stop them from killing each other.

Up to the point of Training Camp AFO describes as him teaching Tomura to be independent which was at that point too far from the truth than he thought. If Tomura begging for AFO to leave with them is any indicator he actually was even less independent after All-Might almost caught them, making him doubt his own worth as a leader. Even if AFO's defeat finally let him think and wonder about himself and his past.

AFO believed that Tomura just knowing how to recruit people would suddenly make him great at using those new "pawns" which was proven wrong by Overhaul no so long after that. Showing how Tomura believed the same thing AFO did as well, fully trusting his judgement of anything including himself, all the while parroting what AFO says without fully understanding what it means.

Only after losing both Magne and Mr. Compress arm does Tomura slowly start making progress in becoming someone more than AFO tells him to do. Even if as we see in part 1 it used Decay as the ground to make it stable since he believed it was his quirk. And yet.

Even if Tomura didn't simply instruct his allies how to choose who to recruit, he never blamed them for it. On the opposite, when Twice was hard on himself after bringing Overhaul to them Tomura just looked at them for the first time without a hand on his face, or even on himself at all, showing how he trusts them as much as he would trust himself and believes that they can do it.

Taking off hands of his family would mean not relying on the conflicting feelings that they bring into the picture, something AFO would very much dissaprove, since he was now like an equal to everyone in LoV instead of being above them. He

And with this instead of making them blindly trust his decisions and following him from fear or adoration like people had been following AFO or Overhaul, he instead was an equal to them both in failure and victory that wasn't even all that guaranteed yet.

Each one of them had their own somewhat selfish goal that just seemed like they were just using each other without any worry being each other's pawns. Or maybe that's just how AFO would see them.

Yet it doesn't explain why did Toga care for Twice's trauma response of not having his mask on, since he already did his part and all that they both needed to do was done. But LoV was never about following orders or giving them, expecting for the pawns to follow without question. It was about a leader of the group that would stand up for his allies while allowing them full freedom, except when they needed to also accept that something is needed to be done for their own sake.

Like following Overhaul for a while all for cutting off his hands leaving him with nothing. Did that sound like something reasonable to do? No! They literally lost their chance at having sushi instead of just living at some abadoned building all the while occasionally searching for money or food, stealing and killing just to survive all while Tomura was just... waiting.

Nothing was really stable at the start of what we call My Villain Academia and yet no one from the LoV left while their state was... bad at the very least. No matter how AFO was teaching Tomura he was still left mostly waiting for something to happen rather than doing something to change the situation himself.

Sure, Tomura now was a famous leader of League of Villains that suddenly needed to be stopped rather that underestimated like before. But that was in the future, now LoV was laying low on funds and slowly Tomura showing his face became the norm, with him usually never wearing hands around LoV.

And with Tomura becoming more and more comfortable around LoV, the LoV itself was becoming more like a place that had one core value that accepted anything else added without anyone wondering about the past of others, like Compress said. Just some selfish people, who still followed their own needs first.

And yet somehow Toga, who joined just because she loved Stain and disliked how life was too hard found her place in the LoV alongside Twice who just needed to be trusted and trust in return. If Tomura only followed what AFO deemed to be the best way to lead no one would actually feel like they're accepted in the LoV as much as they were.

Goal or no goal Tomura succeeded even without having the whole world at the palm of his hands by just never pressing anyone to actually follow him - if they wanted to they could've just left here and there, but since they chose to follow he did what he thought was the obvious best - let his allies do what they wanted.

Which was okay for someone like Toga or Dabi who were either already comfortable by just being allowed to be themselves or being free to plan their own things for their own goals.

But not exactly that for Spinner. Who was instead literally searching for someone to show him what to do, not so different from Tomura, who still only followed whatever 'his Sensei' deemed worthy for him to look into, like letting Kurogiri go find unknown "power" that AFO left along with contact with Doctor.

And while Spinner was not fine with still being hollow even while following Tomura pretending that it's the same thing as following Stain... all it took for him to look differently at how exactly was Tomura thinking was the last real "barrier" that there was - Tomura basically spilling his whole backstory and motivations mostly for LoV to listen to, since Doctor was just testing Tomura's will all according to AFO's plan.

And after that it didn't took too long for Spinner to now follow Tomura, even if it was still not the time to really see the 'warped horizon that was waiting for them'. And yet in times where Tomura still showed some doubt over his decisions - that one old trait of his showing up like it was always at the back of his head not so different from USJ, only thing changing that Tomura got better and better at not letting his emotions control him so easily.

Since the price of that would literally be lifes of his allies.

And neither that or using their emotions to his own benefit was ever in his plans, contrast to AFO manipulating Tomura to do just that. Letting his emotions consume him completely just for his own goal and for his own sake. But as a person who was so familiar with this Tomura still was adamant at NOT allowing something like this to happen to his friends allies.

Effectively creating a bond between all six of them, including Toya that in the end kept them together until the very final arc, with Spinner keeping what Tomura would've thought and with him waking up and calling Machia to get LoV first and foremost Spinner did understand their's leader wishes, as well as Twice's who literally died for his friends.

With all that happening in the War arc the moment AFO returned with both being in control of Tomura's body and just abadoned anything that Tomura would care for like leaving Mr. Compress and Machia behind just to punish him for not getting OFA or not even caring to show any actual respect for Tomura's wishes. Instead showing how little he actually cared for anything but his own good.

But while AFO made so many pawns that he could change like gloves at any given moment, threating them and manipulating them with his power and quirks, Tomura only had 6 allies who stayed after AFO was caught and who were willing to die just to live the life they wanted.

And AFO couldn't give them that.

Even if Decay isn't Tenko's quirk and even if he has so much guilt for killing without it being a little bit justified by it...

LoV still followed him as a person who allowed them to live as they please and so what they want, not some all-powerfull overlord but an ally and a leader who had his flaws and fallings.

#bnha #shigaraki tomura #tenko shimura #league of villains #bnha manga spoilers #bnha analysis #character analysis #character study #kurogiri #toga himiko #twice #dabi #spinner #mr compress #and All For One can go to hell I won't tag him again #with the Kurogiri part you may notice how I just want to see Kurogiri actually helping Tomura #it's either him or mr. compress now #and yeah the fact that both Twice and Himiko died remembering LoV was painful #AFO calling Tenko weak all the while he himself didn't make any lasting good empression like that on anyone #while Tenko just was like 'yeah my friends need something they'll get it'#insert that one page where he literally just got them sushi first thing after becoming a new MLA commander #how dares AFO call Tenko pitiful if he literally did his best with what he had #all the while AFO just made his life insufferable for him to be angry and hateful #and yes I didn't call them family or friends for the most part since the canon INSISTS that Tomura is saying allies #which is a really neutral way to say friends imo #I'm still thinking about a Tangled crossover with LoV like Tomura literally got his only taste of freedom with LoV by his side #bnha 419 #my villain academia #five years later and it's still the best arc of MHA #an honestly it's more of a ch 418 analysis

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