#on the other hand its also him being SEEN by yu and being understood on such a fundamental level

[daily-hanamura]

[telehxhtrash]

I tend to see a lot of people say that Togashi will leave things uncertain and ambiguous in between Killua and Gon, and while it’s a possibility, I honestly don’t think it’s the most likely thing to happen, and if it did, ambiguous wouldn’t be the correct term to call it.

People often say that Togashi likes to play with ambiguity when it comes to queer matters. Yes, Togashi likes to play with gender. We get to see that through Kite, Pitou and Kalluto in HxH (although its arguable because Kite is definitely not cis). But when Togashi decides that a character is queer, or that there is a relationship going on between two characters, he doesn’t leave it ambiguous.

Togashi has created queer characters in 3 of his main works : Yu Yu Hakusho, Level E and Hunter x Hunter. And everytime he created those characters, he made damn sure that everyone knew that these characters were queer. No room for any sort of ambiguity.

The first examples I have are from Yu Yu Hakusho, with a character named Miyuki, and the other is from Level E, with a character named Kyoko Mikihisa.

For these two characters, Togashi made it so that they emphasized themselves that they were trans. It’s painted extremely clearly, that they were born in the wrong body. There’s literally no room for any sort of ambiguity here.

Togashi could’ve easily kept things ambiguous. There are plenty of ways he could’ve done it, keeping the character’s gender confusing. But he didn’t. He made it EXTRA clear that these characters were trans. This is mostly why I genuinely don’t believe you can describe Togashi’s queer rep as “ambiguous”. Because when the characters tell you themselves that they are, it’s canon. It’s not ambiguous.

Now, sometimes, Togashi likes to play it more subtle. He doesn’t make his characters say “I’m gay” or “I’m trans”, but he finds another way to say it.

In YYH, Togashi wrote a gay character : Itsuki. And he’s canonically gay, because when talking about another man, Sensui, he mentions that he sees him as a lover.

It’s subtle. It’s not ambiguous.

Same thing for Alluka, Alluka never comes on screen and says “I’m a trans girl !”. The reason we know that Alluka is canonically a trans girl is because the Zoldycks insist on misgendering her, while Killua emphasizes that she’s a girl.

And once again, it’s subtle. Not ambiguous. Even though I’ve seen a lot of redditors say that “Alluka’s gender is ambiguous”, Togashi is literally doing his utmost to highlight subtly that yes, Alluka is a trans girl.

But subtlety is not canon’s enemy. Not everything has to be painted clearly for it to be canon. Sometimes, you just have to piece every little clue together yourself. Just because the word “trans” is never canonically stated in HxH concerning Alluka, it doesn’t make her any less of a trans girl. Because as the audience, we UNDERSTOOD from the subtext and from the clash in gendering that she is trans.

So, yes, Togashi likes to be subtle. But subtlety doesn’t make things any less canon.

I’m drifting a bit to non-queer matters, but I also want to talk about two relationships in Togashi’s work that were canonically romantic, but subtle.

The first is Meruem and Komugi. It’s canon that the nature of their relationship was romantic. They never did couple-y things, or even kissed. But it doesn’t make the nature of their relationship ambiguous. Because it was once again, subtle, but drowning in subtext that Togashi deliberately put there.

Togashi paralleled Killua saying that him dying with Gon would be a shinjuu (lover’s suicide), only for it to not happen in the end - but Togashi wanted to throw that word in. So we could have it at the back of our heads. Because when Meruem and Komugi died, it was a shinjuu. It was two lovers dying by the same method with the belief that they’d be united in the afterlife. Meruem only cared about spending his last moments playing with Komugi. They both said that they were only born to experience this moment, of being in pure bliss as they die together. When Komugi replies to Meruem and says that she’ll join him in death, she uses an old phrasing used to accept marriages proposals. They died holding hands.

It was subtle, but canon. Because of all these clues and all the subtext Togashi planted, it is undeniable that their relationship was romantic. And they never kissed, never said “i love you”, but we still know : and that’s the beauty of subtlety.

Because yes, romance can be subtle AND canon.

Another example of a canon romantic relationship that was never officialized by a kiss : Keiko and Yusuke in Yu Yu Hakusho. Correct me if I’m wrong, but while they kissed in the anime, they never kiss in the manga.

But a relationship doesn’t need to be canonized by a kiss. I’ve never seen/read YYH, but while I was doing research, I read that their relationship grew naturally over the course of the manga. That they grew together, were affectionate with each other, but never told each other the nature of their feelings. Until one specific moment towards the end of the manga where this happens:

All of this came naturally. No big confession, just a confirmation of what they both felt. And no kiss either ! No hand holding, no true “romantic” actions, either before or after that chapter. Just feelings. I’m quoting one of the post I used as reference, but “On one hand it's beautiful to finally hear it, but on the other, it's not even surprising. You find yourself caught off guard by how easily you're willing to accept that these two have felt this way throughout the entire series.”

And while it’s subtle, because you’d expect at least a kiss or something, it’s canon and undeniable that their relationship is romantic. It’s clear that the two of them are in love, even if they never kissed. Because it was clear from the beginning that this was where their relationship was going : all the building up to that one moment where they both basically tell each other “oh yeah, btw, i love you”. A simple confirmation of what they both knew, and of what we as readers knew too.

I guess my point is that Togashi can insist on the nature of his characters and relationships. He insisted that Miyuki, Mikihisa and Alluka were trans. But sometimes he also likes to be subtle, and not put everything plainly. But the subtlety doesn’t discredit its the canon legitimacy.

Now, onto what it means for Killua and Gon. 

I emphasized that Togashi liked to highlight when his characters are queer. There are absolutely NO DOUBTS that Miyuki and Alluka are trans girls, Mikihisa a trans man and that Itsuki was gay. It’s in canon. But they were all brought up differently, and it was either confirmed by them saying it themselves or by the context and subtext surrounding their queer identity.

But Togashi never left it ambiguous. We always had canon confirmation that they were queer. What I’m saying is, there’s a very, very high probability that Killua is gay and in love with Gon. We’ve seen it in the incredible amount of subtext deliberately placed by Togashi. And like I said, Togashi never left the nature of his queer characters ambiguous. So it’s highly likely that Togashi will confirm in canon at some point that Killua is gay. 

Now, while it’s likely Togashi will canonize Killua being queer plainly by either him saying it or subtext (just like Alluka), it doesn’t mean that his relationship with Gon will be canonized plainly too.

I mentioned earlier that Komugi/Meruem and Keiko/Yusuke’s relationships were subtle, while undeniably romantic. So maybe this will be the case for Killua and Gon’s relationship too. It looks like Togashi’s style for writing romance is show, not tell, thus making it a possibility that it’ll be the same for Killua and Gon.

But I can assert with 100% certainty that Togashi will NOT leave their relationship ambiguous. Maybe it’ll be subtle, but NOT ambiguous. Just like Meruem/Komugi and Yusuke/Keiko.

Killua and Gon’s relationship is the backbone of HxH, and it’s very clear that Togashi’s intent from the beginning of the story was to canonize it as a love story. When Togashi wrote Killua, he incorporated elements of Tanabata, a legend about two lovers, in his story, and made Tanabata his birthday. Togashi queer coded Killua from the beginning, and I honestly doubt that he would never canonize it, when it was his intent to queer code him from the beginning. He made the both of them have an extremely deep relationship, being each other’s most important person. Combine this with all the subtext, and yeah, it’s pretty clear that HxH is a love story.

So yes, Togashi wouldn’t leave ambiguous something he planned from the beginning of the story. Especially since HxH is his first chance at writing a manga and being able to do everything he wants with it. Especially when Togashi’s gay manga got turned down 30 years ago.

I mentioned Togashi never leaving stuff ambiguous, but rather either putting it plainly or more subtly. And honestly, I’m thinking it’s going to be a mix of both for Killua and Gon. A mix of subtlety and undeniable proof of the romantic nature of their relationship. Exactly like Yusuke and Keiko’s relationship. 

I feel like Killua and Gon’s relationship perfectly mirrors Yusuke and Keiko’s, and I can totally picture it following the same patterns. By having their relationship grow even deeper as they reunite, with no explicit romantic gestures, just deep, deep feelings. Until ultimately, they both confirm it one way or another. 

I could literally picture Gon turning to Killua, telling him out of the blue something they’ll do when they get married, Killua being confused but Gon saying something like “Well, I wanna get married to you Killua. Don’t you want to?” and Killua almost choking but saying that yeah, he’d like that. Plain and simple. No romantic gesture. No kiss, no hand holding, no feelings confession under the stars. Just a mutual assessment of what they both already knew.

But honestly, I’m saying all this to try and be objective, but I’m not in Togashi’s head. Togashi could also very much go absolutely crazy and make Killua and Gon share a kiss, hold hands, affirm their love out loud, Because it’s his first chance at being free to do what he wants with his manga. And because he’s been wanting to draw a gay manga for a while, he might want to emphasize that HxH is queer.

Especially when it seems like Togashi likes to incorporate shoujo elements in his work.

And as @/sincerelysamedt mentioned in her wonderful post, queer relationships are often dismissed as platonic in media, and that it’s important to overplay it to canonize it efficiently. And Togashi is probably aware of this. Hence Killua’s stuttering, blushing, the constant gay poetic lines Gon tells Killua about how he’s so glad he met him, Killua’s inner monologues comparing Gon to light itself, multiple characters highlighting their mutual love, a date under the stars where they mutually affirm their want to stay together and travel the world while they both blush.........Togashi didn’t have to go THIS hard, but he did.

These panels highlight the difference between the subtle relationships I talked about above. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think Togashi represented Yusuke or Keiko having internal monologues about how they wanted to stay with the other forever or poetically comparing each other to light. It proves that while Togashi likes to play it subtle, he's also not afraid to put extremely cliché shoujo tropes and heartfelt moments in his narrative too. Maybe he’s aware that internalized homophobia might pose a problem to the narrative he’s trying to convey, and thus he might be enclined to overplay it. 

When you keep in mind that Togashi most likely wrote Killua and Gon with the intent of making their relationship a love story, you can see that he’s never really written with the intent of being ambiguous or even subtle, providing us with multiple intense scenes of mutual devotion. And that’s one thing that’s leading me to believe he wouldn’t shy away from delivering highly emotional scenes that would canonize their mutual love. Because their relationship has never truly been portrayed as subtle, or ambiguous, it’s just.... developing.

So yeah, it could go either way ! Either Togashi will decide to paint it subtly like every relationship he’s painted in the past, or he’ll either decide to go all out and maybe show us an extremely heartfelt confession under the stars, maybe even an on-screen kiss (the latter option being highly likely considering all the very emotional scenes between them we’ve already had) - (EDIT : i wrote a post on why i believe there’ll be an explicit confession if you want to read it !)

But one thing is certain : it will never stay ambiguous, because Togashi has never painted any of his queer characters or the relationships between his characters as ambiguous, Subtle, yes. Ambiguous, no. 

[translations-by-aiimee]

Dig a Grave to Dig Out a Ghost - Chapter 25

Original Title: 挖坟挖出鬼

Genres: Drama, Horror, Mystery, Supernatural, Yaoi

This translation is based on multiple MTLs and my own limited knowledge of Chinese characters. If I have made any egregious mistakes, please let me know.

Chapter Index

Chapter 25 - Cemetery

Buzz buzz. . .

Was there an earthquake? Lin Yan sat up abruptly from the sofa, looked around in a daze, and fixed his gaze on the coffee table.

It was just his phone. Lin Yan rubbed his face and answered the phone. Suddenly Yin Zhou's angry roar came through the receiver, shocking him enough to almost make him fall back on the sofa.

"Your Excellency finally decided to answer the phone!"

Lin Yan held the phone away from his ear and muttered: "I didn't get home from the kid's father's house until really late. I just woke up." Speaking of, he looked up at the wall clock. It was 10:20 in the morning. That doesn't add up. Based on Yin Zhou's usual schedule right now, he should still be lying in bed, dead to the world.

"Hurry up and get to the hospital! I called you 20 times and you weren't answering." Yin Zhou suddenly lowered his voice: "Something's not right."

". . . What? What happened to Xiao Yang?" Lin Yan grew anxious.

Yin Zhou hesitated on the phone and replied, "It's not. . . you, you'd better come and see it for yourself. I can't explain it."

After hanging up the phone, Lin Yan hurriedly washed his face, brushed his teeth and rushed to the hospital. Before leaving, he made a point to check every room. There was no one, no ghost. Xiao Yu didn't come back at all last night.

When Lin Yan arrived at Xiao Yang's room, Lin Yan understood what Yin Zhou was saying about something being off. The windows of the ward, which had been painted over by the little Daoist priest the day before, were clean. The charms written in cinnabar on the walls were gone, the windows had been scrubbed, and the small bedside table was piled high with flowers and food. The girl, on the other hand, was quietly curled up under the blanket, staring at the ceiling in a daze.

Xiao Yang's mother wasn't there. Lin Yan gently walked in, and suddenly there was a scrap of a stool from the other corner of the ward. His attention snapped over and he saw the middle-aged man who slammed the door on him standing on top of a stool with his wife. He was wearing a paper hat, clutching a rag and working hard to scrub down the walls. When he saw Lin Yan come in, the man rushed over as if he had seen a saviour. He grabbed his hand and whined tearfully: "Master, I know I have no conscience. I'll do anything you say, anything, just have mercy and leave us alone!"

This situation seemed like it was straight out of a drama. Lin Yan almost thought he was imagining things. He was thinking about whether he should leave and start over again. Zhou Mo saw that he was going to leave, and hurriedly reached out and grabbed him with his other hand. "I brought all the things Jintian loved to eat and play when he was alive, and I've cleaned the room three times. I'll do whatever you say. Please don't let that thing follow me. I can't live in my house now!"

"Alright, alright, let go first. . ." Lin Yan tried hard to pull his arm off.

"Lin Yan, you're here!" Yin Zhou's voice suddenly sounded from behind him. Lin Yan looked back and saw that Yin Zhou and A-Yan were walking in with a pile of things. They glanced at Zhou Mo as if they weren't surprised, and then slipped a package into his arms.

"I-I checked. This is too much. Just pick two things and buy some incense paper money to bring with you. T-That'll be enough."

"Whatever, whatever!" Zhou Mo replied bitterly while holding the bag.

Yin Zhou picked up a paper windmill from the bag. He glanced at it and threw it back. He sneered at Zhou Mo and said to Lin Yan: "This dude looks very stylish but his brain's not quite right. He was just supposed to come to see his son. Why is he acting like he lost his mind? He showed up this morning in a suit and leather shoes, picked up a broom and started to clean. Everyone was shouting, a nurse even threw him out, but now he's scrubbing the walls." Yin Zhou flexed his hands: "Is he also possessed?"

"Well, 'He who never wrongs others does not fear the knock in the night'. This dude has done a lot of bad things, maybe he just got a little karma yesterday." Lin Yan looked relaxed: "That door knock might have been a bit loud."

The little Daoist priest smiled beside him. Yin Zhou was still confused and shook his head in disbelief.

"It's a long story." Lin Yan curled his lips: "A-Yan, I brought them, what should we do?"

Seeing that no one was paying attention to him, Zhou Mo repeated his pleas with a frown, holding a rag. "Young man, you can help. My whole family is waiting outside. The nanny was scared away. My child is at his grandma's house. . ."

Lin Yan glanced at him in disgust: "I thought I was just cheating you out of money. Are you going to pay me? You're smarter than that."

Zhou Mo's eyebrows furrowed. He wanted to say something but, to save what pride he had left, his mouth slammed shut like a fly had flown in. Lin Yan pointed to Xiao Yang who was lying on the bed and said to Zhou Mo: "Ask him. If your son forgives you, I'll leave you alone."

Zhou Mo looked at the girl under the blanket completely speechless and nodded tearfully.

"It-It's good that he's here. Later, we'll go to his son's grave and burn one of his belongings for Jintian and let him put a few plates of fruit as an offering." A-Yan said.

"Should we go now?" Although Yin Zhou didn't fully understand what was happening, he looked at the young wife next to Zhou Mo and could make a rough guess. He gazed at Xiao Yang sympathetically. "Let the child find peace quicker."

Lin Yan was just about to nod when suddenly he saw Xiao Yu at the door, who had appeared at some point, leaning on the door frame and staring at him. From this position, his long figure was bathed in sunshine, and he looked like he was straight out of a magazine advertisement. Lin Yan was a little stunned. He smiled at Yin Zhou and whispered: "Wait a minute, I still have something to do." He walked around to Xiao Yu. The ghost's eyes changed. When he reached out to hold him, Lin Yan shook his head and dragged him to the bathroom at the end of the corridor.

This floor only had private rooms so the public washroom was rarely occupied. After making sure that all the stalls were empty, Lin Yan locked the door with a click.

"I'm impressed. Tell me, what extraordinary methods did you use?" Lin Yan asked Xiao Yu, propping himself against the marble counter, tilting his head.

Xiao Yu shook his head.

"I'm really curious." Lin Yan raised his eyebrows: "The man wasn't even hurt. How did you do it?"

"You really want to know?"

"Yeah." Lin Yan nodded.

Xiao Yu nudged his chin with his finger and said after some thought, "You asked for it."

Seeing Xiao Yu turn around, Lin Yan suddenly sensed an ominous sensation, and he couldn't help but blurt out: "No, no, I don't want to see, ah!"

Unexpectedly, before he closed his eyes, a hideous face appeared in front of him. His eyes became two deep black holes, and half of his face muscles were rotting, oozing out pus and thick blood, staining strands of his messy hair. His gums were exposed, the dark green layers of plaque resembling mould growing on tofu. A pair of eerie bony nails were poking into Lin Yan's side, its voice sounding like a broken bellow. Lin Yan could almost feel the rancid breath from the mouth of that thing: "Your. . . son. . . is. . . here. . . with. . . me. . ."

"Ahhh!" Lin Yan harshly shoved the thing away. The sudden stare down froze him to the spot, hands flying up to cover his eyes. His hands were forced apart by a burst of cold air and a familiar face appeared in front of him. Lin Yan was petrified. He anxiously pinched at Xiao Yu's side, shaking and yelling, a quiver in his voice: "You. . you scared me to death!"

"Lin Yan. . ." Seeing that the gag was going too far, Xiao Yu held Lin Yan against the sink, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and gently rubbing his back. It took a long time for Lin Yan to come back to his sense. He pulled back from Xiao Yu's arms to give him an unimpressed stare. The two of them glared face-to-face with wide eyes and finally couldn't help but burst out laughing.

Xiao Yu propped his hands on both sides of Lin Yan, and the two of them leaned against the marble countertop. The other man in front of him leaned forward and the tips of their noses bumped together, they were that close.

Lin Yan's heart inexplicably started beating faster.

It seemed that things weren't progressing right. His confused thoughts wondered how they went from a scene from a horror movie to this sudden refreshing change. He vigorously pushed Xiao Yu's shoulders, trying to slip out of the confinement of his arms, but the ghost's arms were like iron rods. Lin Yan could only use his knees to prevent him from coming any closer. He glanced at the door, wondering how he could be so careless as to look himself in here with a ghost. . . This was really problematic!

Xiao Yu simply pushed through his legs and pressed against his chest. Before Lin Yan could take another defensive measure, the ghost unceremoniously pressed a kiss on his lips. First was a gentle nudge and a peck, then he sucked on his lower lip and started grinding against him. The cool and soft touch made Lin Yan's lips feel like flower petals. Then he pried his teeth open and wantonly started sucking on his tongue.

Lin Yan roughly shook his head to push him off. Xiao Yu yanked him into his arms. With his tongue roughly pushing all the way to his throat, one hand groped up Lin Yan's thigh with the other gripping his hip against the marble countertop.

The grass mud horse trampled across the grasslands, leaving a mess of holes behind.

He seemed to be. . . reacting to it. . .

It seemed like. . . the reaction was a bit intense. . .

Lin Yan stared angrily, watching the ghost's eyelashes trembling like dragonfly wings. The lower edge of his thigh up near his waist was being rubbed up and down with the palm of his hand. Lin Yan wrapped his arms around Xiao Yu's neck while softly intertwining their tongues, silently swearing that he would go back and clean up that mess once this was over.

Xiao Yu freed up a hand to unbutton Lin Yan's jeans. Because he was new to this, he couldn't figure out how to do it. Lin Yan was getting impatient by his teasing, so he simply supported the counter with one hand to help him.

"Hey, no, no. . . stop!" Lin Yan sucked in a short breath and stiffly fell backward, supporting himself against Xiao Yu for a while before standing up. He said embarrassingly: "My. . . My back hurts. "

"I slept on the sofa yesterday and it hurts like hell." Lin Yan explained awkwardly.

Fuck his life. When Lin Yan walked back to the room with Xiao Yu in a weird posture, Yin Zhou stared at him for a second then yelled out in front of everyone, "Lin Yan, did you rub one out?"

Lin Yan had a black line on his face, and angrily imagined pummeling him down the seventeen flights of stairs. Then he thought about his lack of combat ability. There wasn't any imminent reaction to what he said, so he swallowed and said grimly: "I slept weird on the sofa. It's here...While everyone can still move, hurry up and pack everything so we can send the brat away." He took the key out of his pocket and threw it at Yin Zhou: "You drive."

After finishing the temporary discharge procedure for Xiao Yang, he followed the instructions of the little Daoist priest to search for little shops in the city to gather what he needed. When he arrived at the suburban cemetery, it was already 6 o’clock in the evening. As the sun set, the afterglow dyed the meticulously manicured lawns with a delicate golden color.

The group of people quietly followed Zhou Mo along the path, stopping in front of a fresh grave in the center of the A area. The headstone was engraved with the words 'beloved son Zhou Jintian'. The black and white photo showed a beautiful boy with a crooked eyes and an innocent smile. Lin Yan glanced back at Xiao Yang standing alone beside him, and asked A-Yan, "Will he go?"

"He should." The little Daoist nodded affirmatively. He placed the offering fruit and incense in front of the tomb, and bowed respectfully.

Smoke curled up. Pieces of toys and paper money clothes were thrown into the fire, crackling and burning. The paper money rolled up in the flames and blew through the air. Soon, a thin layer of ashes fell across the front of the grave.

Lin Yan was reluctantly to move closer. He walked away a distance and sat down quietly. He suddenly felt a bit bitter when looking at the busy group of people. Could all the wrongs be forgiven? He thought, betrayed by loved ones, abandoned, left alone in the cold darkness; could that really be written off?

A-Yan began to recite the Ksitigarbha scripture in a low voice. The peaceful tone sounded extraordinarily quiet in the grassy cemetery. Then something happened that shocked Lin Yan. Xiao Yang, who had been ignorant and unconscious, suddenly turned her head and stared straight at Zhou Mo. Just when he thought something was about to happen, Xiao Yang walked over slowly, stretched her arms around his thighs, and buried her head in Zhou Mo's waist.

Like an ordinary child waiting for his father at the school gate, he wrapped his arms around his father's waist and joyfully told about what was happening at school.

It's a pity that this child has no future, no school, Lin Yan thought. He was about to take the longest and loneliest road of his life, walking alone, regardless of whether the end of the road might be full of flowers. Maybe he would be reincarnated, maybe he would go to a place called heaven in the fairy tale. Imagining what happens after death is the best way of mourning for the people left behind, but what does that matter? He was such a good boy, there's no way God would treat him poorly.

Although the world was utilitarian and indifferent, there were always feelings that continued to return. Through hurt, betrayal and forgetfulness, a broken heart would always heal.

The girl limply collapsed. Xiao Yang's mother couldn't stop herself from swooping forward to catch her daughter. This time the little Daoist didn't stop her, but just looked up at the sky and muttered to himself.

The sunset immersed everything in the dim golden halo. Lin Yan eyes widened and he saw Xiao Yu leading a graceful little boy out from under a pine tree not far away. The boy sucked on his thumb shyly. He quickly glanced at Lin Yan and ducked his head.

Xiao Yu squatted down in front of the boy and gently touched his head, seeming like he was asking something seriously. The setting sun coated him with a heavy orange-yellow light, making the two of them appear like golden clay statues. Xiao Yu smiled kindly, the boy gently nodded, and after a moment he stood up and walked towards the tombstone. He took one last lingering glance back before slowly fading into a light blue mist, disappearing in the sunset.

Xiao Yu stood there for a while a hand bumped into his. The man in the delicate white shirt caught his finger and he sighed.

"Let's make peace." Lin Yan turned his face and said softly: "No more fighting."

Xiao Yu nodded.

"Come on, let's go home."

The group of people in front of the tombstone were still busy packing their things. The two of them had walked a far distance away already, holding hands. The graves were silent in the sunset. Lin Yan watched his steps, trying not to disturb the graves, feeling the cold body heat coming from his fingers. Lin Yan thought tonight he could finally get a good night's sleep.

[chrisemrysfics]

After my post on Wangxian and unconditional love, among other things, I realized I forgot all about a source of unconditional love for Wei Wuxian: the Wen siblings and remnants.

Here is the thing: first, Wei Wuxian had a few years with his parents, he barely has memories, yet he remember the sense of happiness, joy, and the love of his parents, both for each other, and for him.

Then, he lose them, and faces the streets. And then he’s picked by Jiang Fengmian, and brought “home”... and right away there’s an issue with Jiang Cheng and puppies. Yu Ziyuan also shows displeasure.

Jiang Yanli shows care for him, while Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian make peace, however, from here on, Wei Wuxian is under constant disapproval by Yu Ziyuan.

And I believe Wei Wuxian is not blind to Jiang Cheng being hurt by what his mother says, and the apparent not-care his father shows. But he says it and I believe he’s right: Jiang Fengmian is lenient toward Wei Wuxian because Wei Wuxian is not his son. What appears as indulgence, is simply that he doesn’t care all that much past what Wei Wuxian is bringing to the clan.

He doesn’t seek his safety: he could have chosen to make Wei Wuxian stay to Lotus Pier rather than let him go to Nightless City, but he didn’t. He even said “he can choose”, which make him wash his hands of responsibility and make Wei Wuxian own up to his own fate. And his last words to me nailed the confirmation: he doesn’t give any word of care, he only echo what Yu Ziyuan said: protect my children.

Wei Wuxian grew up knowing he’ll be scorned by Yu Ziyuan regardless of whether or not he’s truly at fault, and knowing Jiang Fengmian doesn’t really care, as long as he’s around, he let him do what we want, knowing Wei Wuxian is loyal to the Jiang and to his children. Jiang Cheng express it awkwardly, but his attempts at “taming” Wei Wuxian “hero complex” is that he recognizes no one else is trying to stop him from harming himself (including his father). However, because Jiang Cheng let himself be influenced, he doesn’t show unconditional love, Wei Wuxian knows he cares, but Wei Wuxian also recognize Jiang Cheng doesn’t understand him.

This leave only Jiang Yanli that he can be himself with. We understand he feels safe with her, to show his true self, that he know he’ll be love without condition, because it is to her, and only her, he asked such a thing as “why does someone like someone else”. And that’s why his hesitancy to tell her anything about the three months disappearance is so heart-breaking, and she can be seen being worried still: for the first time, he doesn’t tell her.

And this shows how he views himself. For the first time, he thinks there is finally something that might be the one think Jiang Yanli won’t accept. That he’s become something that finally is where she draws the line. No one else before her truly showed any unconditional love, and he’s terrified what will happen if he let her see who he has become.

And it explain why he push away Lan Wangji: he knows Lan Wangji values are righteous, to Wei Wuxian, if Lan Wangji disapprove of him, it means he’s something that cannot approved of. Which then reinforce the idea that he cannot show Jiang Yanli what he’s become.

In the end, he’s traumatized, and scared to be rejected by the two people he cared for the most. He knew he felt pulled to Lan Wangji, he cared for him, he knew in his heart he valued him, just like he values Jiang Yanli. If he allowed himself to be vulnerable, and he got rejected, it would break him. So he didn’t take the risk.

All of that to arrive to the Wen siblings.

And the important thing I realized is that it never was a question of owing each other anything.

Wei Wuxian met Wen Ning, and showed kindness to him, which is pretty clear Wen Ning rarely, if ever, received, outside of his sister and the branch of their family. Its enough for Wen Ning to want to come when he hears about Lotus Pier, and willing to help them.

When Wen Qing enters the scene, she knows the risks, but there is a vital factor that made her decide to let them stay hidden and recover: her brother. Yes, she is a healer, however, it was risky to allow this, except, this was someone who inspired loyalty in her brother, someone who treated her brother well. Someone with a brother that was hurt.

Then, Wei Wuxian asks her to do the surgery, and she refuses. She knows what this will mean, and the thing is, I do end up thinking he’s not blind to how he’s been treated. He had to develop his own moral compass because either he’s scorned no matter if he’s at fault or not, or he’s “indulged”, or he’s not understood. He cares, and he sees himself as owing everything to the Jiang, but I feel like he knows how it can sound like. Wen Qing refuses because she isn’t certain he truly realize what he is asking, or she questions how willing he is, past any conditioning. But he insists, and she sees something that let her know that he does know what he is asking for.

Ultimately, Wei Wuxian is still misunderstood when people think his choice is because he’s been conditioned: yes, of course, we can understand someone shouldn’t have to sacrifice himself, that they shouldn’t have to “pay back” in such a manner... except no one asked. No one forced him to do this. He looked at his brother, and decided he didn’t want to see him like this. Wen Qing refusing meant he had the occasion to rethink his choice. He still chose.

That’s why they also speak of not owing anything to each other: Wen Qing chose to help them, and Wei Wuxian chose to go through the transplant. They understand the risks they took for each other, they had each other life in the other hands (if WWX and JC are seen, its death for WQ, if WQ fails, its death for WWX).

And that’s why they don’t seek each other, they owe nothing to each other, understand where they stand in the war, and trust each other has continued to follow the path of their heart. Wen Qing didn’t betray her values as a healer, nor did Wei Wuxian betray his own values.

However, Wen Qing ended up desperate, and there was only one person she knew had values she could trust: Wei Wuxian. She knows what she is asking out of him, but just like she didn’t leave Wei Wuxian and his brother to their own fate, Wei Wuxian would not leave her and her brother to their own fate. Just like he chose for the transplant, she knew Wei Wuxian would choose what is true to his heart.

And so they end up in Burial Mounds, Wei Wuxian once more doing a sacrifice, yet it is done out of his own choice, the refusal to betray his own values (be it that it was the care for his brother back then, or the protection of innocent now). And here is the thing: Wen Qing knows about Wei Wuxian’s core.

And the Wen Remnants are well placed to fear him, distrust him, be unkind to him, but they don’t. More than that, they welcome him as family. He becomes family to them, and they become family to him. No one judges him, they all see him, and none of them disapprove of him, and they care for him.

To me, Wei Wuxian only ever had two things that were truly his: his demonic cultivation, and the Wen Remnants as family.

He says it himself: he owes spiritual cultivation to the Jiang. But demonic cultivation? He chose to not die, to resist, to survive, to return, to continue following his own values, and developed his own tools for it. He saw the scorn of others, but knew his heart, and stayed true to it. Everything “bad” about him was his trauma, not his cultivation (proven as to how he is, after his death and return).

And the Wen Remnants, they became his family. The Jiang siblings are his family of adoption, but the Wens were the family he, himself, adopted. They were to him what the Jiang Clan was to JC: the people he would protect, the one he placed first.

If JC and/or JYL had no one else to turn to, WWX would have protected them too. But JC had a whole sect, and JYL was part of it. More than that, the best protection was to distance himself, the Wens already had a tainted reputation, like his own, but not his siblings (and same for LWJ). He couldn’t take that risk.

And the strength of his heart and values show when everything goes extremely bad: he accidentally kills JZX, he doesn’t manage to protect/save the Wen Siblings, and still he doesn’t outright slaughter everyone, he attacks after being provoked. He also stop when JYL show up, but because someone else tried to kill him, he sees her protect him and die to protect him... just like the Wen Siblings.

And he just effectively lost the last, and first, sibling who has loved him unconditionally. The Wen Siblings knew all about his lost core, while JYL knew about him in many ways. Loosing all three of them, effectively meant he lost the three people who knew him best and loved him without condition.

Is it so surprising that his psyche broke there? He went mad with grief, the trauma catching up to him. Then he finds himself conscious again, away from Nightless City, not knowing there is still one person who loves him.

And what does he decide to do? Break the seal. Now, I realized a thing: he didn’t die from breaking the first half. The accounts are confusing on purpose, but he himself is seen thinking about how he broke half of it, but didn’t have time to break the second before the Siege happened.

This means he knows how to do it without dying... or he was already half dead.

Then he looses the Wen Remnants, he’s Sieged by the whole cultivation world, including his own brother. There’s no Lan Wangji in sight, leaving him uncertain whether he doesn’t deserve to die in Lan Wangji eyes, or if he’s not even worthy of Lan Wangji being present. Or if its a last kindness, to not be part of the people who attack him.

But Wei Wuxian has lost everything, everyone, his own brother is here with hate and grief in his eyes, Wei Wuxian knows there is greed behind the Siege, and so he finishes what he started: he destroys the seal.

And to this day, I am still convinced there was no backlash, but rather, a last command, either conscious, or one he didn’t realize he made but born of how he was feeling.

However, because he never returned as a vengeful ghost, this make me consider that, for all his death was violent, he died with a peaceful heart.

He knew his own heart and values, and he followed them to his last breath. He knew the greed and blindness of the cultivation world, but what would he do? Kill them all? Be what they claimed he was? No. And then, to him, he caused the deaths of people he never wanted to: JZX and JYL. To someone who gave his core because he considered he owed it to the Jiang, what will he give, if he consider he owed to repay the deaths he caused?

He chose, died with peace in his heart because he followed it to his last breath.

And I wonder if the corpses “eating him” weren’t eating the resentment within him. That’s a whole other headcanon to develop.

But yes, all of this to say: the Wen Remnants were WWX family, the Wen Siblings became his siblings, and WWX remained true to his heart up until the end.

That’s why he didn’t return as a vengeful ghost, and why he was calm and level-headed when he returned. It also strongly imply his temper and so-called “lack of control” were due to his trauma. Yet, this just goes to show how strong willed he is, to both survive the Burial Mounds, and never loose himself, and show that he is truly the Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, because he never lost himself through it, and still mastered it.

[linssikeittomies]

I Won’t Be Your Donkeyskin - A Banana Fish WIP

So about a 100 years ago I was talking with my friend @freakyfeline about fairytale AUs and we were laughing about how Yue Lung would be just the bitchiest princess. I originally imagined a Donkeyskin story with a Banana Fish spin, but it ended up being a Donkeyskin-inspired Canon Divergence - Yue Lung runs from his family and ends up hiding with Sing’s family, disguised as a girl. This is the only finished scene I ever wrote for it, and I quite like it.

--

Yue Lung thought back to the cashier’s words. Everyone’s heard by now. The prettiest hair I’ve ever seen. Boys will be fighting over you in a few years. He toyed with a strand, deep in irritated thought. Staying this close to the clan’s area of influence was a lot riskier than he liked, but it was the best he could manage for now. Biting his lip, he cursed that he hadn’t known how important identification documents were in the outside world. Who would’ve thought he couldn’t be a real person without some piece of paper?

Fussing with a strand of hair, he tried to weigh his options – ideally he would find a place on the other side of the country, even abroad. Canada, at least, but preferably Asia, maybe Mongolia – not Hong Kong, where the Lees were a considerable presence. But he had no money, and he could only get so far walking. And it was still cold enough to freeze to death in the night without even getting out of New York City first. Stealing would solve a part of that problem, but where could he find enough money? Pickpocketing might net him some loose change and maybe a few phones he’d need to sell for cheap, saving up that way would take too much time, and he was likely he’d get caught sooner rather than later anyway, since he had zero practice. The house was a no-go as well, Mrs. Sun didn’t keep a lot of money in the house, partly because they didn’t have much to save to begin with, and Yue Lung wasn’t rotten enough to steal from his saviors anyway. Maybe if they were filthy rich, and their finances wouldn’t be affected by a few thousand dollars going missing, but it still wouldn’t leave a good taste in his mouth.There was always the option of finding work, but who would hire a 11-year-old, who apparently didn’t exist because he had no ID? He could hardly ask Mrs. Sun money for helping around the house. He didn’t know how to do anything, except grow plants. He could have maybe sold medicinal herbs and such, had he a place to grow them and the knowledge how to use them – his education hadn’t yet included much but the most basic poisons. He also had a lot to learn about acupuncture, too. What else was there? If he couldn’t steal, and he couldn’t work, what else was left? Twisting and twirling the strand, twitching his foot, gnawing his teeth, there had to be something he could do! Just anything to run, or keep hiding, think! Think! Considering how much Mrs. Sun was gossiping about her newest “daughter” it was safe to assume Yue Lung’s brothers would soon hear about this mysterious girl who suddenly appeared out of nowhere, running from an abusive family, who just so happened to bear the name of the former patriarch’s deceased concubine! Fuck, what a fucking idiot a person can be! Using his mom’s name! Yue Lung might not have been able to do anything about Mrs. Sun’s benign airheadedness but he should’ve known better than be self-sabotaging dumbass! Okay, okay, what’s done is done, what he needed now was damage control. So, to keep running Yue Lung needed money, and he couldn’t get it yet. Which left hiding. Mrs. Sun was his saftest bet for now, and however talkative she might have been, Yue Lung was dependent on her goodwill and criticizing her would hardly endear Yue Lung to her. It had to be accepted that Dai Yu would be a known face around town, though it would be nice if it would attract less attention. Wasn’t there something he could do about that? He couldn’t change his face, apart from scarring it, and that would only make him more noticeable. It would take several years before he could grow a moustache or a beard, and with his genes it was likely to be a bust anyway. Unless he wanted to make a beard toupee out of his hair, and what would look more natural on a preteen than a hairbeard? One that was tangled to death from nervous fiddling. The strand around his fingers was getting knotted to the point of needing scissors to be solved. Wasn’t there anything Yue Lung could do to stay hidden? The strand twirled, frayed and split. ...The hair had to go. It was too noticeable. Having it shorter wouldn’t stop anyone from recognizing him, but it would cut the number of looks thrown his way. That was the key – stay low, stay humble, stay dull. Under any circumstances, do not attract unnecessary attention. Have average looks, have average manners, have average intelligence, be an all-around average girl and soon enough no one would care if you live or die! Blend in well enough and you might as well not exist. Mrs. Sun trimmed her own and her children’s hair, Yue Lung had seen the hair scissors in the bathroom. They were kept in a sleeve that looked homemade, and at least a decade old. One could only hope the scissors themselves were newer than that, or at least kept sharp – no such luck. Most things in the household were long past their glory days, full of holes or chips and dull as a cloudy day or a newborn’s teeth. The unsteady shhhk of the dull scissors trying to cut through a thin strand and Yue Lung’s frustrated grunts must have been what eventually caught Mrs. Sun’s curiosity. “Heavens! Dear girl, what on Earth are you doing?” Yue Lung thought the answer should have been clear as day, but he answered anyway. Mrs. Sun shook her head in disbelief and affectionate frustration. But, since the damage had been done, she demanded to even out the cut. “Aiya girl, you should have to come me in the first place!” she nagged as she snipped. “I would have cut it. I don’t understand why you would want to, your hair is so beautiful, Dai Yu.” Feeling that Mrs. Sun wouldn’t quit until Yue Lung gave some excuse to his haircut, he decided to play on a bit of admiration. He had found that often a transparent flattery would fall flat and have the opposite effect desired, and it was better to be less direct about the approach. It tended to work best with a bashful admission. “I wanted it to be like yours”, he mumbled quietly, affecting an embarrassed tone. It worked exactly how he had wished it to – Mrs. Sun cooed at him, calling him a silly girl but leaving it at that. Once she was content with Yue Lung’s new haircut, she called her sons to take a look. Yue Lung twirled around, supposedly pleased and proud. Yen Tai just said it looked fine and left like the moody teenager he was, but Soo Ling stayed quiet and thoughtful. Yue Lung thought he might have caught the longing look he had thrown at the long strands abandoned on the floor. He was weirdly silent for a few seconds, before saying “Dai Yu looks nicer with short hair.” Some kind of dam broke inside Yue Lung. He looked at the arm-long strands strewn about, curling around each other in embraces soon to be broken to clean up the remains of a burial. Dignity shed, thrown aside to further the selfish ends of another. A once treasured possession turned to trash. “How could you say that?” said Yue Lung, throat constricting, and his voice wasn’t any easier to mask than the tears falling to the floor. With a sharp inhale he tried to mask as anger, fully in vain, he broke down with a sorry mewl. “Aiya, it’s okay, it’s okay! It really looks nice on you!” Mrs. Sun tried to comfort. “Dai Yu, it’s alright. You look so pretty with your new hair! It makes you look so much softer!” Soo Ling ran to the kitchen and came back a little while later with a few almond cookies in hand. He offered them to Yue Lung, while Mrs. Sun still petted his back and muttered Aiya, poor girl, and I knew you would regret it. “Dai Yu, don’t cry. It’s just hair.” Just hair? Of course a boy would think it was just hair. He jerked at the look Yue Lung threw at him, like it had physically stung him. The Dai Yu he knew was distant and stiff, even cold, but always reserved, so he wasn’t prepared for the concentrated vitriol pouring out of the girl. He hesitated little before wisely fleeing from the girl. All this was hidden from Mrs. Sun, who unknowingly dried the tears of a beast and privately chided her son for being so rude to a crying girl. “Dai Yu, why don’t we gather up this hair and braid it. You can keep it safe until your hair grows back.” Silently, exhausted, Yue Lung nodded slowly. “I’ll do it myself. I’m sure you had something else to do before I disturbed you.” “Oh, it’s no trouble. Go find some pretty ribbon in the –“ “Please let me do it alone.” Mrs. Sun finally understood he needed a moment alone and left to find the ribbon herself. Yue Lung quietly, slowly, gathered the strands together. His neck itched. The short hairs from the last clean-ups had stuck to the skin. The ends of the dead tail of hair were uneven. It was an ugly thing, gathered up from the floor, not bundled together before being cut off. A dead keepsake, a far cry from the real thing, and the pain of it was more pressing than the dear memory. He would give it a proper burial. This one thing would escape the legacy of Lee Hong Lung and gain back some of its dignity in death.

--

I couldn’t find Sing’s mother’s name, so I decided to call her Sun Ci-Hui. Also I’m currently watching a k-drama called Rookie Historian Goo Hae-Ryung, and the prince is one of my favorite characters ever because he’s so sweet and innocent, and right after finishing an episode I go write calculating bitches like Yue Lung and Ivan:D What can I say, I like variety.

[ilikelookingatthings]

Comment that I’m proud from youtube on Akatsuki no Yona Chapter 201 part 1

I think the thing thats gets in the way of your idea that Hak is basically untouchable or should be because if he gets hurt the people who love him will go batshit is that yona loves her kingdom as well. I definitely believe Hak is one of the top priorities(after all the whole reason the dragons were gathered by yona was to make sure hak doesn't die). Its definitely true that if they want to they could mess EVERYONE up and take over the castle if Hak is killed....but Kouka ISN'T in a completely stable position right now even before the murder pin the blame on yona game the new country is playing. If they want to stay safe from invaders they need to make sure kouka isn't temping to be attacked by other countries. its been shown multiple times that the dragons aren't invincible. they can't always be vigilant and yona and the dragons and hak have been hurt and kidnapped on multiple occasions.

Yona's choice to take the deal with kyek-sook to enter the castle so yoon could learn more medicine nd she and the dragons could be protected makes sense. If yona refused she definitely knew kyk-sook would end more people to kill them. she witnessed a crazed priest convince other countries to aim for her and the dragons. everytime they had thought they were safe something went wrong. yona got kidnapped and sent to the drug workshop before. had been sword slashed. they had to sneak around tae-jun's place despite his permission and zeno was shot by a arrow. yona had been kidnapped and if the country had gotten the other two dragons in that first run using yona as a hostage there was no telling how many of their own country men thy would have ben forced to kill. and yona has seen the level of obsession or interest in the dragons grow in real time and how it can be a nice flattering hopeful thing...but can easily become twisted or obsessive. everyone was even injured on some level before they entered the castle. for long run safety it makes sense to choose to go along wth kyk-sook so at the very least if they DO choose to leave again the hak kidnapped her and killed her dad rumour would go away. the info of the dragons already coming out but by going with kyk-sooky it was a way to control how the dragons are seen as well as hak.

though you also have a point that whether yona was unsettled or not she let kyk-sook have the advantage over her since she came to the castle and if she had pushed more things could have changed earlier. even if she knew if they left they would still be in guaranteed danger so felt they could at least try to make things work t the palace. and she understood why they wouldn't let hak in the palace near soo-won. it was annoying because we could see that if yona pushed more things maybe could have changed earlier...but she was also made aware recently that the dragons andher aren't invicable and one of her mentalities is to finally start understanding soo-won properly. even if another point was so yoon could get more education and books we have seen hak and everyone be aware there are guards watching hak since he entered the area.

but of course like stated here...kyk-sook seemed to keep looking for a excuse to kill Hak which was ALWAYS a dumb move because it would trigger yona and the dragons...but also the windtribe to turn against soo-won. like it makes sense to have a guard in case hak tried to attack the king but we know supposedly tha kyk-sook was trying to provoke hak with the disrespect of putting her in the queens seat which others would assume was a engagement type of thing and had people set up to kill him. and we know kyk-sook didn't prepare enough to deal with the dragons. and separating yona from the dragons and refusing to let them meet was ALWAYS going to be suspicious as fuck and caused them to want to find answers. 

but also confusing because....if killing Hak was always a dumb move which had been mentioned by SOO-WON even back when they saved lily. and one of the majour reasons that kyk-sook decided on this plan to bring yona and the dragons into the fold was because he was so impressed with Hak on the battlefield yet we haven't seen Kyk-sook try to bring Hak involved with the army at all uptil now despite that having been part of his motivation. how much of a dumb move? if hak is killed it would certainly trigger retaliation from the dagons and the windtribe.....however its also known kouka is still recovering from Il's rule and Yona is not ready tolead a army properly or knows enough about the politics so it would lead to kouka's citizens being endangered as well which ky-sook knows yona wouldn't want as yona and the dragons have been protecting the citizens this whole time. kyk-sook has already seen yona willing to put aside the murder of her dad for the greater good of the kingdom. so I wonder if its a game of chicken. 

  kyk-sook is interesting because we know he IS smart and can be cold and calculative when it comes to things from the beginning.....but since the flashback I've been starting to realize one of his flaws is he can be overly emotional whenit comes to soo-won as well. likehow he had wanted to kill yona on the spot when he came across her during the potential war arc when she was trying to get soo-won to agree to a meeting with the princesses and realized yona had a scary amount of connections. I think he was really rattled finding out that dragons with SUPERPOWERS exist. and he is such a soo-won stan that Hak properly using that soo-won strategy during the war rattled him a bit. we know he was smart enough to know that letting yona and friends continue to roam free could cause issues because yona and dragons could be kidnapped by other countries again....but also the longer yona is wandering around the more followers and people who admire her pop up which could cause more issues when people start questioning WHY the princess is wandering around instead of at the palace and realize its because soo-won killed king il. so bringing her in could put those rumours to rest. smart move.

but reckless move was him trying to test the dragons powers and assume the dragons would easily fall in line and wanting to provoke hak so they could take out hak/get rid of the risk even though he had realized the value hak has.

we also know they didn't kill hak on the spot in public and soo-won's bodyguard had apparently been watching and let hak get near soo-won. and kyk-sook has been so on edge since finding out about the disease which he aparently hadn't known about at all that he almost considered Yona for a back up position even though WE know she was bluffing with a three day cram session.

from his reaction its possible he really was planning on Hak being killed for finding out as he looked really surprised to see Yona there with the medic(which by the way was my favorite detail because we know the medic, and kyk-sook were around soo-won since they were young. kyk-sook is firmly team soo-won but there are extra layers because our medic hates having been a unwitting spy which could have led to king il's death. and I think it was implied that yon-hi sent the secret message to king il through the medic. and why kyk-sook was still surprised by the 'betrayal' of the medic telling Yona. Hak's word about how he wasn;t killed yet.....it shows that they WEREN'T ordered by soo-won to kill Hak as soon as he got close to the king. or they LET Hak get close to the king to test how bad Soo-won really was. its possibly they let Hak through to try to trap him into this situation to send him to the frontlines.....but then again hak had already agreed to be a soldier on his own and kyk-sook DOESN'T understand Hak all that well(which is kindof ironic because Hak follows and respects Yona like kyk-sook respects Soo-won...or yu-hon really.

Its possible they were trying to figure out how much Hak really figured out or to kill him in private. make him....disappear~ without anyone knowing what they did to him. After all kyk-sook did seem shocked by how much Hak had figured out. and he was clearly projecting on Hak a lot because WE know Hak is clearly not happy about soo-won being sick....but kyk-sook's understanding of soo-won and hak's relationship is still elementary so kyk-sook assumed hak would be happy about it and didn't seem to plan for Yona to appear.

but then again this IS the guy who helped plan a cou and Hak was one of his motivational factors for making this deal to get yona and the dragons in the palace and its been weird he seemed fine with potentially tricking or getting hak o die at other points since yona entered the palace instead of finding a logical route to get the man to be a proper soldier for the country. like its possible its ego. kykyk-sook thinking anyone who doesn't sta loyal to soo-won is trash or dumb if they aren't going to fall in line. after all even joo-doh was trying to lecture hak about loyalty and wanted lip service when honestly hak has been the only one who has never broken any type of vow at this point...even if we know why the others were loyal to soo-won over king il. we have definitely been finding out kyk-sook is more emotionally driven that we had thought and he does over look very obvious character issues in himself like when he didn't stop driving his horse forward and almost hurt a little kid which had lilly and others looking down on the advisor and seemed to think he might reflex badly on soo-won. kyk-sook did try to have them not listen to Yona' words to get a real talk between soo=won and kourien because kyk-sook didn't like Yona having any type of upper hand and was alarmed and how they had walked into yona's plans so easily. 

I can't help but wonder if Hak KNEW they wouldn'tb able to instantly kill him and that's why he risked going to check on yona and soo-won to get information despite knowing if soo-won WAS sick and hak founded out about it...it could cause problems.

[thewickling]

I had this idea floating around my head and I don't really plan on writing it but I want to release this 3zun into the ether.

Possible Tags: Canon Compliant, Arranged Marriage, Post-First Siege of the Burial Mounds, Canon Divergence - Thirteen Years of Wei Wuxian's Death, Enemies to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Political Drama, Eventual Polyamorous Relationships, MDZS Compliant

Premise: Madam Jin leverages her position to marry Jin Guangyao off to a sect-rate sect to wholly cut him off from Lanling Jin's sect leader position - LXC and NMJ interfer.

NMJ discovers that XY is only imprisoned and not executed. He prepares to march to Jinlingtai and force them to correct this. He runs into Lan Xichen who is very much did you hear?

Lan Xichen informs Nie Mingjue that Madam Jin plans to marry Jin Guangyao. Tradition and everything means they can't interfer directly without some complicated sect politics fall out. Nie Mingjue doesn't really care but Lan Xichen stops him from being rash.

Obviously, the option is if one of them marries JGY. Between LXC and NMJ, marrying a male spouse has a bigger impact on Lan Xichen's reputation than Nie Mingjue's.

Nie Mingjue does the "okay so if you're looking for someone to marry JGY off to, give him to me". JGS is greedy enough to accept the better proposal.

(Why Nieyao first? If I was treating 3zun like 3 sets of equations, Nielan and Xiyao are easier to solve starting off but opening either a semi-established relations to a JGY/NMJ later is harder. Basically solve the harder line of it first and then squishing LXC seemed seem better in the long run).

You know how LXC teaches JGY the Song of Clarity to get Nieyao to bond? Well, now LXC teaches it help faciliate their marriage :3 JGY actually plays it properly because now his life is tied to NMJ's. We get a bonus, less tempermental NMJ.

There's an uneasy peace in the Unclean Realm where NMJ mostly ignores JGY and JGY tries subtly manipulate NMJ while stablizing his position within the Nie Sect.

That peace breaks when NMJ catches wind of the Jin Sect trying to suppress the Chang Clan to avoid executing Xue Yang. JGY is very obviously attempting to balance his position as a Jin as a NMJ's spouse to stop NMJ from storming Lanling. The fakeness sets off NMJ.

"Stop flitting about, Meng Yao. Don't put on an act in front of me," Nie Mingjue says, swatting the air. "Your thing stopped fazing me ages ago."

"[sic JGY's commentary on class and privilige]. Jin Guangshan would rather bring another illegitimate child back than want me to succeed him! Madam Jin would rather marry me off than allow me to remain in her household."

"Why care about their opinions? They've casted you aside," he says, crossing his arms. His gaze is sharp and harsh but Jin Guangyao cannot recall when has it last been kind to him.

He hisses, "A well fed man believes not the man who starves! I admit my face is thin. How can it be thick? No one bothers to turn their head before they remark on my upbringing."

"Become great," Nie Mingjue states so plainly it pierces. "Make it so everyone who speaks Jin Guangshan's name instead thinks it's a shame that he never acknowledged you. That Madam Jin was shortsighted to marry you off. Why must you mind others? Silence them with your ability."

"What can I achieve? The little progress I made has been thrown into disorder. Who dares deals with me? It's clear I have no support in Lanling." Jin Guangyao spits, "It's obvious to everyone that my husband married me out of obligation. That you depise me. That you rather I vanish. May I ask, how can I achieve anything under these circumstances?"

"Lan Huan clearly favors you. And you're mistaken. I wasn't forced into this marriage," he says.

"I don't know how er-ge convinced you, but it's clear. You hate me." That word slides out more of a sob than an accusation. "Da-ge, I've always wanted to asked - why can't I be forgiven? Both our hands are stained so why do you bring up my desperate actions over and over?"

"I have never raised my saber for personal gain." His brusque manner relays how self-assured he is.

"If I understand correctly, then you say all of the people you killed deserved their deaths?" he laughs, "Then you must abhor me. I can never meet your standards. My hands can never be clean. If you find me so unpleasant, why did you marry me? If I am so unforgivable, why did you ever agree to be my sworn brother?"

"Do you believe anyone can force me into a decision? Whether it was brotherhood or marriage, do you believe anyone would?" he asks, turning his chin up. "No one can make me yield. I agreed for..."

He knows himself. Nie Mingjue accepted the rites to gain some influence over Jin Guangyao. If Lan Xichen were right, there was still room to correct Jin Guangyao's course. But why did he give Jin Guangyao that second chance? Why did he offer him a third? This isn't like him.

Why are you my exception? Nie Mingjue wonders, but says, "I didn't do this to spite you."

Jin Guangyao stills. This is the most ground he's seen Chifeng-zun give to anyone. His mind re-awakens and be pounces.

He questions, "So if I follow your path and risk my ties with the Jin Sect, can we agree to put our pasts behind us and try?"

"I haven't forgiven you."

Jin Guangyao's smile stiffens. "I know. I suspect you never will, but you won't ever convince me on the merits of justice and righteousness for its own sake..."

He slows at the firm set of Nie Mingjue's jaw. He redirects. No, he disarms himself. "Merit and justice won't move me when that seems as prone to temptation as my ambition."

"Meng Yao," Nie Mingjue hisses.

"You ask me to not lie," he grasps Nie Mingjue's hand. "Abstract concepts like that... They can't convince me of anything. If I said otherwise, I'd painting my words in the way you despise."

He inhales sharply. Somehow speaking plainly tastes strange on his tongue. He struggles to arrange his thoughts. He sighs, "I will never be the marriage partner you wished for. We've both done things the other can't accept... Don't forgive me but put it in our past... We understood each other once."

"Can try?" Jin Guangyao flattens his thoughts. "Can we try? I will do my part. Promise to try to understand me?"

And accept me, he thinks, but that never leaves his throat.

Nie Mingjue steps away and it's like he's been thrown down a thousand steps again.

Over his shoulder, he states, "I'll tell Zhonghui to put the conference organization in your hands."

This is their turning point. The first time they've both faced each other and listened in years. Nieyao obviously butt heads a lot but their communication gradually improves. JGY convinces NMJ not to storm Lanling and instead let him try to convince the other sects to pressure JGS.

NMJ gives JGY until the martial conference before he'll do something himself.

LXC visits throughout this period but his force is mainly on rebuilding parts of his sect. He does help JGY convince the other sects to pressure JGS into executing XY.

LXC watches JGY and NMJ get along and at first he's happy but he quickly feels left out. When he realizes that, he becomes ashamed of himself.

Before the trio can confront JGS, he announces at the conference that XY will be executed X time and anyone he doubts his word can witness it themselves.

XY is executed. People see his face. Something about how performative it, how XY moves plans a seed of doubt in JGY but he can't figure out what is off - other than JGS wants the Tiger seal too much to give XY up so easily.

JGY is side-tracked trying to get NMJ to support his watchtower plans. When NMJ finally agrees, JGY focuses on the logistics and getting other sects on board.

We get Nieyao's relationship improving and NMJ realizes his desires first. Unlike LXC, NMJ realizes his feelings, accepts them, and then acts on them nearly instantenously.

JGY does the logical thing when finding out the da-ge that once wanted you dead is like join me in bed - he runs and visits (hides) in the Cloud Recesses for a few days under the guise of watchtower discussions.

LXC notices JGY is distracted and they talk. Upon learning NMJ cares for JGY, LXC feels a pain in his chest. He encourages JGY to act on his heart and points out how NMJ and JGY balance each other out. He obviously wishes them happiness.

JGY decides to give the relationship a chance. As NMJ and JGY's relationship becomes more sincere, LXC pulls away from them.

When LXC realizes his feelings, he struggles. He obviously can't be so terrible as break up their marriage and he can't so shameless to impose on their time insincerely. He thinks of his mother and his father and just sort of falls into a bad spiral.

Okay so while running around trying to convince other sects, JGY notices that the number of missing people has gone up. He goes to the Cloud Recesses and notices something is up with LXC. When LXC doesn't share, he becomes worried and tags in NMJ. As they both invite LXC over more and try to provide help JGY figures out why LXC is like this.

He thinks about it and decides he hasn't fallen for NMJ yet (he's fond of NMJ of course but he wouldn't call it love) and he is no more opposed to LXC than he is to NMJ. He considers his way forward.

Baixue Temple Massacre happens. JGY understands why the execution seems strange to him. XY resisted too well. XY's cultivation is even poorer than JGY - he relies entirely on yin energy. It also clicks that the missing people are because of JGS.

Extremely obviously, everyone but LLJ do an impromptu conference. JGY leverages everything that occurred to get everyone to agree to his tower plans once this over.

JGS has been hermorraging support from the other sects for a while and since JGY has been negiogating with Jiang, Lan, Yu, and other sects for awhile they all support giving Jin Sect and ultimumun and then taking him down.

Before Jin Sect push forward a scapegoat and all publically chase off and kill XY [make it unclear whether XY lives or dies].

Political manuevours make it so that Sects joint ventures will be organized by commitee instead lead by a Chief Cultivator. Jin Sect is forced to pay up for the towers.

You know how there's a limited number of bachelors? All parents with daughters realize "hey so the only big shot sect leaders left are JC and LXC" and then throw their daughters and LXC.

LXC is very very very distressed. It would be insincere of himself to marry when his heart so clearly belongs to others but it is his responsibility to secure an heir for his sect. The sooner he marries, the quicker at ease Lan QIren and the other elders would be. Perhaps he should marry to restrain the shameless desires he has in his heart. Yet he does so, that would be justice to his future wife.

Okay this is where I got stuck (again) because honestly getting LXC to realize his feelings is straightforward, getting him to act on them is hard. He will just suffer silently.

You know what [inserts the author gets to make a forceful step forward]. NMJ is annoyed by all the women surrounding LXC. JGY sees this and after much thought and consideraton decides he wants both NMJ and LXC. He does his best to guide NMJ around to the same thoughts as him.

While all the romance plotty stuff is going on and the trying to get LXC married, like literally everyone - everyone finds JGS sus. Gusu Lan, Qinghe Nie, Yunmeng Jiang, and Meishan Yu under the guise of organizing the watch towers investigate Lanling Jin. They quickly realize that even if XY isn't there that LLJ obviously still has the tiger seal so they start planning a mission to steal the tiger seal.

Their plans work out. The tiger seal is in Qinghe Nie's hands. The Jin Sect is more or less dropping out of power. The four most powerful sects shift to be Gusu Lan, Qinghe Nie, Yunmeng Jiang, and Meishan Yu.

Extremely outraged, Jin Guangshan basically is an idiot and instead of waiting for time to pass so he can regain the LLJ's reputation, he very much targets JGY and tries kill him while he's traveling to supervise the watch tower construction.

JGY goes missing.

LXC feels guilty because he was supposed join JGY but shrugged it off because he was being an angsty bean about his feelings.

Because no one else can stop, LXC is grabbed to stop NMJ from straight up going into LLJ and beheading JGS immediately. NMJ very angry and pissed questions LXC and reveals that JGY likes him and that he thought he did too but LXC like this hurts his eyes.

Cue much higher levels of angst for LXC - but since JGY is gone LXC has to play Clarity for NMJ so they have to spend time together. NMJ refuses to let LXC act he doesn't know about everyone's feelings.

Because I'm terrible planning up to the ending skips. JGS is dead. JGY has been found (but like NMJ & LXC more or less believe JGY caused JGY to die). LLJ sect is in ruins but headed by Madam Jin as regent for Jin Ling.

JC, JGY, and Meishan Yu head basically make it clear that the only reason the Jin Sect still exists is because of their mercy. The only reason they are merciful is because JL. If she dares stirs the waters, they can change things.

LXC tells their elders he doesn't plan to marry any time soon. He's still young. He's young enough that they can't really force him to marry yet. He is very much in a relationship with Nieyao - a budding one and they're still ironing things out.

So this is very choppy and not ironed out because rough outline and thinking things up as I go. Maybe this fic does exist out there somewhere.

I think one of the other reasons I don't think I'd write this is I'd want to figure out a way to leave it open for Wangxian to still happen which unless MXY is driven to summon WWX doesn't work.

[official-cisphobe]

i highly admire your worldbuilding skills. can you tell us more about your OCs and their universe?

this is probably gonna be a bit lengthy so strap in! (edit: it is very lengthy)

the basics of Voidverse, like I explained earlier, is that there is a group of people tethered to each other by fate and higher forces, the purpose of the Alts is that they are a sort of keeper of balance between worlds and each of them is a sort of savour or hero in their respective timeline/universe. They weren't always aware of each other but when a great danger threatens all multiverses and all life they have to come together to defeat it—they do this with the help of someone called Katalin Huerta who has an ability called The Bridge ie she can create 'bridges' to other timelines/universes from wherever she is.

Technically the main character of Voidverse is Classic the Demon aka Classic, who is sort of a butterfly effect to get both the Alts and the end of the world running. but more about that later, I'll explain the other characters first.

anyway this ended up being super long so added a Read More to not take oevr anyone’s dash akdhsfsfg

Jojo - already explained

Leoh Yu - Leoh aka Badger is probably the most normal Alt out of all of them concidering he's not a demon or any sort of supernatural or sci-fi creature. Leoh grew up in Dazhai, China in the late 1970's to late 1980's with his mother and grandmother where they owned a farm and a bakery. His life took a turn when his mother got very sick and his family couldn't afford good doctors or treatments. at some point in the way of making money Leoh at 18-years-old was approached by a group of hitmen to recruit him, which after some time and thinking he accepted. Leoh worked as a hitman for about 30 years before retiring at age 40 to get married to his now husband Nico Mahariel as well as adopting a babygirl named Qing-Qiu. Leoh's past, however, will not let him go that easy but that's a story for another time.

Tuyja - Tuyja was a prophet of the Goddess Ghalme in an ancient civilisation called the Weykha. the Weykha lived in a sandstone kingdom and it is rumoured that they are where the legends of mermaids and Atlantis came from. Tyuja however was not of the Weykha people, instead she was born from the stars with ocean blue skin and horns made from spacedust. She was regarded as a sort of next in command from the Royal family and was basically treated as an extention of the Royal family (if not even higher than them), which infuriated the jealous Weykha prince. Tuyja had also fallen in love with a servant girl called Muza, which the Prince had used as leverage against her and turned the Weykha people against her, telling them that Tuyja would steal all their gold and jewellery and give it to a servant girl, that he had heard her say she would strip the skies of moon and star so that Muza would shine the brightest, that he had seen her tame ocean waves so that the servant girl could pick sea shells from the sand below. Tuyja had become a threat to the people who had praised her and come to her for guidance, they had banished her into the sea for 5000 years.

Quiet - named after one of my friends because I really like teir name and I've had difficulties naming this character for years, Quiet was born and raised in a lab where they were subjected to varieties of cruel and inhumane experiments going as far as getting permanent damage to their ribs and lungs. in canon Quiet only got their name after joining the Alts, Jojo who became their closest friend nicknamed them Quiet because they're,,, well,,, really quiet. ngl their story and character arc is on the undeveloped side

Lotus Draqon - Lotus is a half-human half-dragon who grew up outside his pack of origin because his mother Jupiter wasn't sure how the Matriarchs would react to Lotus' half-human trait. The dragons are an ancient people of long ago with vast magical abilities and lived in harmony with mortals, sharing their magic with them—until an evil was awakening and the Gods began to tear down entire cities. Mortals expected and begged the dragons to help them survive but the Matriarchs decided to abandon them, priotising the dragon's survival. They lived in isolation and hiding, shielded in a deep forest by magic for thousands of years. until Lotus as a young adult decided it was time for him to leave the nest and see the world. Jupiter was reluctant but Lotus was determined to never again live in fear. In time Lotus would become a very important figure to both the dragon and the mortals inhabiting the lands as dark forces began to matirialise and the Matriarchs became restless, declaring war against mortals.

Voidkeeper - demons are very hard to kill creatures, no regular blade or bullet with damage them much beyond cuts and bruises. the most efficient way to kill a demon is for one to end their own life which by Satan's rule is forbidden. It has happened technically two times but the first one was by a demon now known only as the Voidkeeper. After ending their own life as punishment their horns and tail were cut off, their magic taken away, and they were banished to the Void forever. Slyly they managed to grab some of their depleted magic and put it into a magical stone for safekeeping, it is only a very limited amount but can do very wondrous and powerful things things. The Void grants the Voidkeeper clairvoyance as to what is going on in whichever timeline and universe, they are a sort of silent watcher and will never interfere with the goingonabouts of the mortals. the Voidkeeper has a very minor but very important part to play in regards to the Alts and the saving of all life in the multiverse but for now they are patiently waiting and watching.

and finally there's our boy Class whose story is undoubtedly the most developed out of all of these so let's go through it:

Classic is a minor demon and was born at a time when the Underworld and the Human world were not so separate. He was born in a tiny demon village of about 15-20 inhabitants. His father had left him and his mother when Classic was about three years old and has not been seen since, Classic doesn't know if his father is dead or alive and doesn't really care about it either. Classic was an only child and pretty much a mama's boy, although he had a few friends in his village. Unfortunately his life changed forever at 12 years old when human soldiers pillaged his home, killing everyone—Classic would have been dead as well but his mother used her dying breath to save him with magic.

Classic had been knocked out during the raid but when he awoke he witnessed the aftermath of a bloodbath. Scared and alone and unsure of what to do he ran away from the scene and travelled days across the country until he stumbled upon a town of humans. Wrath overcoming his senses he murdered the entire town, leaving no human alive, going as far as tearing down entire houses and setting the entire place on fire.

Classic was later found in the ruins of that town crying by a group of angels. He was taken by them to a city in the sky and adopted by a family of angels. He wasn't generally liked by his neighbours but the angel child he lived with became his best friend for years to come. They grew up together, learned to use their different magicks together, Classic learned he could even materialise wings and fly albeit badly at first.

But as history has shown, wherever Classic goes, terror follows.

Classic had been having nightmares for months, very terrible ones, of dark forces beyond his understanding. They felt familiar and cruel, almost mocking.

Before he realised what he had done, the angel he spent his childhood with was dead and there was blood on his hands. Just like before, as if on instinct he ran away from the city of angels and went into hiding. Multiple years had passed by now and the human world was very different from what he remembered. It was no longer that easy to stay out of the radar of humans, since they were pretty much everywhere with cameras and police.

To say he was causing issues in the human world would be an understatement. He would steal, break into houses, even kill to survive. Random fires would start and radiation with no apparent source would appear all over.

This is where Katalin Huerta comes in—see, she is a commander of a very special branch of task force, it was her own creation. Her people dealt with supernatural oddities and threats, it was govrrment funded but entirely indepentant from their meddling albeit they can be difficult to please. Katalin was born with special abilities, a sort of family tradition—at birth her soul was bonded with that of a powerful spirit that had once been one with the soul of Katalin's mother. The spirit gave her the ability to control and create fire but her own speciality was her Bridge ability.

anyway, Katalin had taken notice of the strange indicents around town and taken some of her people to go check it out, only to find a teenaged demon crawling in an abondoned factory. She could tell the demon was just afraid and lost and decided to help him. Which is how Classic joined her task force.

Which honestly was probably the best thing that had happened to Classic, Katalin taught him to fight and better utilise his demon magic as well as taught him to use a sword (Classic has never understood guns and will never attempt to). Learning spells with a human was a difficult task but eventually they figured it out. Classic's natural abilities worked very strongly as illusion based magic as well as materialisation, although the latter has been more tricky to master even after all these years so as we speak Classic's only materialisation spells are his wings as well as his sword and teleportation.

Eventually the darkness haunting Classic began to rear its head again, Katalin catches wind of this and fortunately can help him keep it out from his head yet it still lingers in the air and grows stronger.

until now Classic had never before talked about the darkness. but at this point he was cornered and Katalin wouldn't take no for an answer.

At that point in time all Classic knew about the darkness was that it was some sort of ancient entity, it wasn't a demon because its presence felt entirely different from at least the demons Classic was used to. He nicknamed it Ash, as all he could remember from the times it has appeared are the ashes left by roaring embers.

In reality the darkness is one of the five forgotten gods of an ancient people. It was cast aside by the Creator and exiled from the land of gods. The darkness hates mortal life because of the gods' love for them, so it seeks to destroy all that is living. in its weakened state it needs a vessel to succeed and has been corrupting Classic and molding him into that vessel since that day he turned 12-years-old.

Only the Alts can defeat the darkness, whether Ash stays defeated is only a matter of time.

[peerless-soshi]

Oh that's great, thanks for the reply :) Btw I'm that xiyao enthusiast from ao3 and I was wondering if you'd like to write something for my other less popular ships. So maybe 70/76 with fengqing or 41/94 for quanyin?

Rules: Send me two (2) tropes from this list + a ship and I’ll describe how I’d combine them in the same story.   

QuanYin: First kiss +  Hair Brushing/Braiding 

Quan Yi Zhen hesitated, eyes dropping. Weird. He wasn’t sure what to do. Weird. He wasn’t sure what to do when shixong screamed at him, circled the room few times like a wind-up toy with no will in its moves, then sat down to get up again, cradling head in his hands. It was all too weird. He wasn’t used to seeing shixong lost, and the rareness of this situation made Quan Yi Zhen even more confused.  

“Shixiong?”

“Why?” Yin Yu snapped. “Why did you save me? Why are you so stubborn?!”

Quan Yi Zhen understood one thing. Shixiong wasn’t happy about awakening in the Martial Palace of the West at all.

He was, in fact, angry. Very angry. His crossed arms and frown lines were giving a message: stay away from me.

It was like this: after he saved Yin Yu’s soul, Quan Yi Zhen lived on efforts, for years probably, to preserve his shixiong’s last breath and bring him back to life. None of gods knew why, or how, he was trying but who cares as long as shixiong came back.

Then it was like this: he made a choice to watch over Yin Yu’s body by himself. That demon – Red Rain Demon or something, he didn’t bother to remember stupid things – offered to help, but Quan Yi Zhen refused. No, it couldn’t be. He wouldn’t give up on Yin Yu, even if Yin Yu wished to hate him in return. It was fine. And for once, Quan Yi Zhen was patient. So patient. There had to be something, one thing, anything he could do to reward shixiong for all the moments when he had been irritating, disappointing, troublesome, himself…

And finally, it was like this: the Red Demon gave Quan Yi Zhen some advice as the nice prince followed them, an indulgent smile on his lips. Quan Yi Zhen liked him – sometimes the prince smiled just like shixiong. One of the things the Red Demon recommended was infusions, the other was pills bracing the spiritual energy, and then energy transmission… Quan Yi Zhen listened, and memorized. He could say that the prince was worried, but the vision of saving Yin Yu stole his attention away. Besides, could it be important?

“Yi Zhen?”

He bounced back to reality really fast. Yin Yu straightened, and Quan Yi Zhen saw him clearly. His face was exhausted and red, and his dark hair stuck to his brow in a sweat-damp strands. He looked a good deal older than before.

“Why?” Yin Yu repeated, slower this time. “You shouldn’t…” He cleared his throat. “I said what I had to say, and I did what I had to do. Things between us were over. But as usual, you had to interfere and…” His voice was hoarse with indignation, but not yet stripped of… gratitude, was it? Or shame?

Quan Yi Zhen was out of sorts. Their last conversation didn’t end well, this one was also swinging over a cliff. The art of speaking was one of many things shixiong had attempted to teach him, and had failed miserably. He couldn’t look into shixiong’s eyes, so he glimpsed the ajar window, and espied the darkening sky, dense and gravid with rain. It made him feel they were inside of storm even before the first drop burst forth. Thunders afar off, shixiong’s calm yet thunderous words in the room. After the battle with Jun Wu, they had taken the occasional black sky for a coincidence, because why wouldn’t they? Later they realized that without the emperor, the heaven was crumbling. Sometimes there were rain clouds, humid and lazy, and sometimes airy tufts of white snow shifting into flurries.  

“Shixiong…” Quan Yi Zhen started, uncertain. And paused.

He felt a sudden stab of doubt: he couldn’t do it alone. What? What should he say for shixiong to stay? In the back of his head, his brain stopped and declined. Stupid brain. Stupid him. But he bit his lip and said what first came to his mind, “Shidi likes.”

Yin Yu’s eyes narrowed now, and a question reflected in them. “What do you like?”

“Shixiong!” Quan Yi Zhen responded. Is there any sense to ask such question? It sounded like there was something else worth liking beside shixiong.  

Yin Yu stared at him. He shook his head in disbelief. “What did you just say?”

“Shixiong.”

“No, before that!”

“Shidi!” he said. And suddenly, it was as though his entire head was filled with emotions, all fear and blame, and if he didn’t shout it out he would explode. “Shidi likes shixiong! So shixiong, don’t be mad at me! Your shidi knows he’s incompetent and stupid, but without you, everything is even more stupid. Everyone else is stupid, heaven is stupid, your shidi is stupid, even fighting is stupid! Shidi is sorry, shixiong…” He turned to take a bow on the ground so violently that he hit his head, saw a burst of colorful sparks, left a crack on the floor and gave shixiong a little heart attack. The floor can be repaired. Then he folded his hands and went on, “Shixiong, please come back to your shidi. I can’t do anything without you. They make me do a lot of things that I don’t understand!”

If Yin Yu was shaking his head before, now his head looked like a windmill blow away in a storm; moving so fast it was one step away from breaking. Quickly, he ran to Quan Yi Zhen and knelt down beside him, putting hand on his shoulder. “What are you doing!? Get up now!”

“Shidi is sorry.”

There was a twist of uncontrolled worry on Yin Yu’s face, and when he realized it, his previous anger trailed off, then disappeared. He put Quan Yi Zhen on his feet, tenderly – he couldn’t help himself – and checked the scratch on his forehead. His finger was familiar, the pinching wound as well. So much like an older brother in cultivation, Quan Yi Zhen thought. As thought this gesture withdrew time, Quan Yi Zhen raised his head obediently, smiled, and he was a disciple again. And he was happier.

Yin Yu looked less happy. When he made sure Quan Yi Zhen was fine, his eyes flickered towards his clothes. He let out a huff of resignation. “Do you know how do you look like?”

Quan Yi Zhen knew what his shixiong saw: messy hair, dirty inner robes, the armor abandoned… somewhere. Quan Yi Zhen wasn’t sure where he had left it. His mind had been wrought with more important matters, so he couldn’t even recall the last time he had brushed his hair. As if to confirm his thoughts, Yin Yu reached out and picked a dry leaf out of a thicket of Quan Yi Zhen’s curls.

“You didn’t notice it?” he said, holding it up to show off its withered colors.

Truthfully, Quan Yi Zhen shrugged.

Yin Yu’s mouth actually fell open when he saw his shidi’s answer, but then his head hung. Impossible. It was impossible to expect more from Quan Yi Zhen. He was honest, and he was hated for it. He felt too free with himself to let others control him. And he was a little puppy lost in a big forest: he had his own world, so every step deeper into the brake of heavenly requirements made him undaunted, wilder, astray, and added more leaves to his hair.

“Sit down,” Yin Yu said, pointing slowly to the empty chair standing in the corner. His eyes stayed on it. The chair was brought here for Quan Yi Zhen to watch over him at nights. “Give me a comb. I can’t leave you like that.”

Quan Yi Zhen followed his instructions happily, fire in his soul; when he rushed out the room, he didn’t bother with opening the door but kicked it instead. It was so swift – a whistle of air and the hinges swayed and squeaked like black trees dancing outside. He made it in a second and he was back, sitting in an overly upright pose. Yin Yu walked up with a comb in his hair.

“You’re still such a child, Yi Zhen,” he said. It seemed as if he wanted to stroked Quan Yi Zhen’s head, a force of habit, but hesitated. There was his secret shame, and it has kept him away from shidi. “Do you even understand what you said earlier?” A small sigh escaped him. “Why do I ask? Of course you don’t understand. Talking about liking like a child… You must grow up and represent the heaven with dignity. It’s… your role now.”

“I don’t want it. And I like you.”

“Stop it,” Yin Yu said.

His tone was blunt, but it didn’t go hand in hand with his gestures. Quan Yi Zhen let his hair grow even longer once he had been left surrounded by worries, and it was wild and heavy now. Yin Yu gave it a little thought before he split his hair into thinner strands. The comb in his hand wailed, resisting.

They sank into silence filled by only comb strokes. There were so many things Quan Yi Zhen wanted to say, but even someone like him felt the weight of this moment and held his tongue. He only thought it was pleasant. A second or two it rested there: shixiong’s gentle hands, the feeling of being both seen and cherished. He had people who would help him. Sort of. But he didn’t want them, and they didn’t want him. Now his mouth curled with relief.

Yin Yu broke the silence first. “Again, I owe you something.”

“Me?” Quan Yi Zhen asked. “It is shidi who pays his debt. You saved my life. But even if you hadn’t saved me, shidi would have still tried to help shixiong.”

“Have you ever thought that I don’t want your help?”

“No?” Quan Yi Zhen said, sincerity in his voice.

Yin Yu didn’t answer, so he continued.

“Shixiong always said that shidi is irresponsible. Now I understand it and I’m taking responsibility for my actions. I brought shixiong back.”

“If you understood anything, you would take care of heaven’s issues, not me.”

“Shixiong is more important.”

“And that is why you’re such a child! Nothing can be more important than heaven to you!” Yin Yu growled in quiet ire.

He pulled too hard, and a small curl of hair stayed on the comb. Quan Yi Zhen hissed, unintentionally, and turned, rubbing his head. It wasn’t mean to be like this. No. He didn’t want to upset shixiong right after his awakening.

Yin Yu froze. There was an irritated sign, and a blush crossing his face. “You have no idea how many thoughts can appear in your head before… leaving. I don’t want to blame you, so…”

As he said it, Yin Yu’s eyes fell on Quan Yi Zhen’s face. What he found was, just like on that memorable day, the taste of tears and panic dancing on the surface of his gaze. Quan Yi Zhen looked terrible – thought, this “terrible” was still on the line of a childish call, so innocent, so colliding with their situation. Then a lightning struck, shaking the palace walls.

Yin Yu gestured to the window. “What’s going on here?”

“Everything goes bad without the emperor. The power in heaven is not stable,” Quan Yi Zhen explained, not hiding the bored tone of repeating after someone.

“And you decided to waste your time on me?”

Yin Yu laughed bitterly, but he bent over Quan Yi Zhen’s hair again, now combing it gently with his fingers. Quan Yi Zhen could feel him combing out knots when the teeth of the comb refused to cooperate, stuck between the curls like in a crown of tree. He was slow; one hair after the another, patiently, with care…

Quan Yi Zhen closed his eyes. “Wasted? What are you talking about? Shixiong knows best what to do. Who is as responsible as you?”

Yin Yu shook his head. He tried to stay teacher-patient, but it wasn’t easy. “I am a fallen god. I can’t help you. Just leave me alone and focus on your duties.”

“I don’t want duties. I want to be with you!”

Yin Yu let out a small breath. “Not everyone deserves what they want. Time to understand it.”

A chill snacked up Quan Yi Zhen’s spine. Piercing, so reminding. He thought again of the day shixiong was exiled, of laughs, and nights spent on empty sleeping. “No,” he said simply. “Nobody deserves this position more than shixiong.”

Yin Yu ignored him completely. He weighed Quan Yi Zhen’s hair in his hands and let it go. More pleased with his work, he wove a single long braid.  

“Old days are gone. Nothing will change that. Besides, how do you imagine it? I am banished.”

Quan Yi Zhen’s eyes finally sparkled. “There is no emperor! Nobody can tell you to leave!”

He turned to face Yin Yu, his shoulders straight and hands clasped in his lap. His whole figure seemed to vibrate, like ignited, and Yin Yu looked dazzled by his smile. This enthusiasm was catching. It passed from his skin to Yin Yu’s when he grabbed shixiong’s wrist and stood up.

“You can stay here. That prince is here too, right?”

Yin Yu just looked at him blankly. “He worked for it. I don’t even have spiritual power.”

“I can help!”

The chain of events that followed that confession appeared to go together with the storm that surprised them. It was as strong, it was like bathing in icy rain: brought a shiver, quickened breathing. Quan Yi Zhen seized Yin Yu by his collar and yanked his face towards his. He struggled, but Quan Yi Zhen hold on, mashing their lips together in what looked less like kissing and more like… punching teeth.

Though shock should hit like a blow, in this case it crept over Yin Yu slowly as he made sense of what happened. Then he gasped and staggered back, glaring and weeping his month.

“What is… you…” he stutterer. “No! What was that?”

Oh. Quan Yi Zhen’s face heated. He guessed that shixiong was mad again, and he made a vague gesture, something on the verge of shrugging. “The transmission of spiritual energy.”

“This? This was just- Who told you that nonsense?!” Yin Yu shouted, clearly lost for his words.

Quan Yi Zhen’s brow creased. “That red demon and the prince. No, wait. Was it Old Pei?”

The Red Demon had recommended transmitting spiritual energy as one of the most reliable methods. Quan Yi Zhen put much effort in it and felt pretty proud. All of the times to fail, did he make a mistake now?

Yin Yu made a noise that sounded like the verbal equivalent of dying. “Chengzhu. Why?” he cried and looked at Quan Yi Zhen. “Just… don’t do it again.”

“Why?” Quan Yi Zhen wrinkled his nose. “I did something wrong?”

“You didn’t even put spiritual energy into it.”

But the rest of his words drowned in the sounds of attempted not-kisses, raindrops, thunders and screams I can help you.  

[takatofan]

For the first time, I just got done watching Digimon Tamers, subbed, and I really wanted to talk about it. I know I don’t have many people following me but I wanted to talk about this anyway, just put my thoughts out there. (Don’t expect major dub bashing, because I’ll always love my dub, but I may point a couple things I don’t like.) Note: I will always use Dub names out of habit/it’s what I know best.

The dub has a special place in my heart. It was one of only two anime's that I ever got up on Saturday morning for as a kid. (I didn’t get the WB in my area, so I couldn’t watch Pokemon or Yu-Gi-Oh! as it aired.) I was an outcast in school, and Tamers made me so many friends online, a friend I even called once a week for a few years, and a few years later, a boyfriend, who I’m still with. (I didn’t get into Digimon until a month before Tamers came out, and I didn’t get connected with the fandom until then.)

But all these years, I wanted to eventually see the sub. I had been aware of some edits, but even besides those, I always wanted to see my favorite anime the way it was intended to be seen. But first they weren’t available, and by the time they were, I got to a point where it was harder for me to focus on subs. But I finally watched it.

I will always prefer my dub, but watching the original was just fascinating. First off it amazes me how quiet the sub is. The dub usually filled it with something - In earlier seasons a joke, but in Tamers while it could be a joke, it was also quite often exposition.

I knew the sub would have less random jokes, but I wasn’t prepared for just how reserved and polite the kids were. The thing that got me the most was, in ep 21, when Leomon first appears, when Juri tells Takato that Leomon is her partner, and Takato says congratulations, and Leomon in the dub says “Now hold on...” In the dub, Takato replied a - NOT sarcastic, but funny, serious/intimidated “Sir yes sir...” But in the sub, Leomon says “Wait a second” and what does sub Takato reply to hold on? .... “I will.” ..... That... is just a level of politeness I was not expecting. If someone asked me to wait a second, I would either not say anything and wait, or maaaybe say ‘okay’, or ‘what?’. But to SAY “I will (wait a second)?” I just XD. I’m all for polite but that's too much XD.

Since the dub leaves all the references to them being in Japan, I’m not entirely sure why they didn’t leave in Henry being half Chinese. They left in the Chinese Zodiac and something about Hong Kong later in the show, I wonder if the dub just thought that wasn’t important, or what? And I mean, it really doesn’t change anything to me, but it’s interesting. (If you’re curious the conversation was just changed to how good Guilmon and Terriermon were getting along, and the fight that just happened with Rika) The tone was more serious, which I expected to a point, but I wasn’t expecting this level. Terriermon was a perfect angel compared to the dub. Dub terriermon is a big selling point of my enjoyment, but even so, it was interesting to see how reserved he was.

I had known of changes and things for years, like the rooster was serious and in the dub it was THE DEVAH!!!!! but actually kinda creeped me out in the sub. I’m glad the dub made it more humorous.

Interesting thing I noticed even before watching the sub, was that they cut less stuff out than previous seasons. While Adventure and 02 cut out any references to guns and cigarettes, both made its way in Tamers. In ep 19 or 20, Impmon gets a gun pulled on him by a cop, and it wasn’t edited. I wouldn’t think adding the line “Should I tell him I don’t have any ammo?” would have made leaving it in okay compared to adventure and 02? So it’s interesting. In ep 8, a guy is trying to light a cigarette before Impmon appears to try and light it, and while trying to light it was cut, when we see impmon and the guy, you can still see the cigarette in his hand. Meanwhile twice in later eps we see Yamaki’s apartment and we see a huge ash tray filled with butts. Surprised that wasn’t edited.

My biggest surprise for something being edited came with episode 23. I had always heard that part of hypnos collapsing was edited, which makes sense, since this aired just a couple months after 9/11, but what I didn’t expect was the end to have a 20-30 second scene of just the tamers + Kazu and Kenta, on a blue background, running with determination. Wasn’t a big thing or a big deal, but it was interesting. Not sure it wasn’t shown.

One thing I think the Dub added to it that it got right, IMO (Though I don’t think it was planned ahead of time) : When Leomon died, and when Juri’s mom died, Fate was mentioned, but the dub, in both instances instead said: “A part of (them) will always be with you”, and to me that was more powerful, especially when Juri’s mom died, and she ran around the hospital in the memory saying “WHERE?! WHERE IS THE PART THAT’S WITH ME?!” Looking for it. And then, that was called back in the last couple eps, when Grani sacrificed himself to give Gallantmon wings, and Takato said “A part of you will always be with us.” - where as in the sub there wasn’t a reference to fate. It was just a really good recurring theme, to me.

There were a couple things that I was curious about watching the sub. Namely, if Calumon knew about his power all along and the dub messed it up, and how they were going to get back from the digital world.

With Calumon, the first time Takato asks him, in the dub, what Takato asks comes out wrong and Calumon gets offended. In the sub, it seems more like he knows what Takato’s talking about but doesn’t want to talk about, but as the show goes on, it seems more that he really didn’t know.

As for the digital world... in the dub, Ryo tells them he can take them home, but they have to go through another world first, then Shibumi tells them they have to go to the highest plane of the digital world, where the four sovereign are. But then neither of those things ever come into play, and they just have to wait for the arc. I was really curious if the dub screwed this up, or if the writers just didn’t know what they were doing. The verdict? ... I think the dub was confused - I don’t think they understood what was being said. I didn’t get it at first either. When Ryo said it, he, Kazu, Kenta, and Rika, were all in the giant clock. Kazu says “Do you know how to get out of here?” and he says “Yes, but we have to go through another area.” - I’m not even completely sure I have this straight as I type this (and I just rewatched the sub scene) but I think what it was, is sub Kazu was asking how to get out of the clock, but just “Out of here” and the dub took that as “Out of the digital world”, in which Ryo said, “Yes, but we have to go through another world first.”. With Shibumi in ep 32... that one I do blame the dub, going home was kind of inserted into the conversation about getting to the sovereign out of nowhere.

I’m sure there are other things I would have commented on. I wish I took notes while I was watching. (I watched it slowly with my bf over the last 2 months.) But over all, watching the sub was a very interesting experience, but I will always love my dub. Also even when it was new, I liked the darker aspects that the dub left in, but I’m not sure I would have liked a faithful translation at the age I watched it. I need my Mona Marshall Terriermon jokes, my Steve Blum innocent Guilmon, and most of the dumb jokes.

Ending this with random: A few of my fav dub jokes:

Random man: “It’s just a toupee...” Random Woman: “Yes but you wear it on your chest...” Guilmon: You’re ear is tickling my foot. Terriermon: You’re foot is tickling my ear. Calumon: ....I wanna tickle something!

Terriermon: If I was a big red Dinosaur looking for fun I’d go.... .... .... ... OH WHO KNOW’S WHERE HE’D GO, DINOSAURS ARE WEIRD!!!!!!

(Guardramon was GOLD in the dub.)

Kazu: Two sad girls.... I haven’t even started dating yet.... and I’ve got to deal with two sad girls.... Guardramon: Once you start dating I’m sure you’ll make MANY girls sad!!!!

Kazu: Where’d Suzie go?

Guardramon: She flew away! Kazu: SHE FLEW AWAY?! BUT HOW?! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING HER!!!! Guardramon: I was! I watched the whole thing!

Many others, but I’ll stop there. :) Sorry for my rant, if you read, I hope you enjoyed. :)

[ramblingguy54]

26, 29, 30, 36?

*cracks knuckles*Alright, let’s do this.

26: The late Robin Williams & Hayao Miyazaki are two particular people in my life I’ve idolized for what happiness/imagination they’ve brought into others lives. Robin Williams untimely passing still hurts for me to look back on because this man made it his mission to bring so much joy into other peoples lives through his acting on the big screen, whether it was dramatic or comedic. That’s what I found the most impressive about Robin’s range in acting. He could be an over the top funny individual, but Robin’s acting chops were in a league of their own. Whether he was behind the microphone having the time of his life as Genie on Aladdin or giving a powerful dramatic performance on Good Will Hunting as Will’s therapist, I could feel the unconditional kindness. There was something about Robin’s acting power that would usually manage to reel me in. Even if I never knew him in real life, obviously, this man just radiated with so much kindness that I felt from his entire presence on screen. It’s seriously unfortunate what became of Robin Williams in the end with his unexpected death, but his legacy has inspired me to be kinder to others in real life. As for Hayao Miyazaki, this guy is a huge factor in why I got into loving anime related stuff all the more, as his creations in storytelling and the art itself for the movies were beyond unlike anything I still have yet to seen be topped quite frankly. It’s so easy for me to get emotionally lost in his films like My Neighbor Totoro, Princess Mononoke, Castle In The Sky, and Spirited Away. This man never ceases to amaze me with how usually impactful and in depth his films are. They’re so full life that it’s easy to lose sight of whats happening in the actual story at times. Mayazaki understood how to breathe a ton of humanity into creating such resonating works of fiction. Have a much greater appreciation for them in my adult years. There’s a reason why they inspired companies, like Pixar, to create immersive stories of their own.

29: Favorite films range from Zootopia, Wreck It Ralph, M. Night Shyamalan’s Unbreakable, Aladdin (1992), The Secret Of NIMH, The Lion King (1994), The Incredibles, UP, Ratatouille, Wall-E, Finding Nemo, Inside Out, Kung Fu Panda 1 & 2, How To Train Your Dragon Trilogy, Toy Story 1-4, The Great Mouse Detective, Lilo & Stitch, The Emperors New Groove, A Goofy Movie, Good Will Hunting, The Fox And The Hound, The Land Before Time, The Brave Little Toaster, Frozen, Shrek 1 & 2, Coraline, Paranorman, Kubo And The Two Strings, The Muppets (2011), Princess Mononoke, Castle In The Sky, My Neighbor Totoro, Kiki’s Delivery Service, Spirited Away, Porco Rosso, Summer Wars, Beauty and the Beast (1991), Winnie The Pooh (1977 & 2011 iterations.), The Peanuts Movie, The Princess And The Frog, The Jungle Book (2016), Scooby Doo On Zombie Island, Harry Potters’ 1-7, Christopher Nolan’s Batman Trilogy, Wonder Woman, Sam Raimi’s Spiderman 1 & 2, The Black Panther, Thor & Thor Ragnorok, The Avengers, Avengers Infinity War & Endgame, Spiderman Into the Spiderverse, Captain America Trilogy, Iron Man Trilogy, Star Wars Episodes 4-8, and The Breakfast Club to stop this list from getting any longer. =P

30: Favorite TV shows range from Cowboy Bebop, Avatar The Last Airbender, Yu Yu Hakusho, Digimon Adventure 01 & Tamers, Teen Titans (2003), Batman The Animated Series, Ed, Edd,& Eddy, Samurai Jack, Courage The Cowardly Dog, The Powerpuff Girls (Screw that garbage reboot.), Chowder, Bojack Horseman, DuckTales (1987), DuckTales (2017), Gravity Falls, Code Geass (This series has shaky writing in a number of areas, but that ending was beautiful.), Amphibia, Steven Universe, Oban Star Racers, Made In Abyss, Stranger Things, Gargoyles, My Hero Academia, Naruto (I’ve got a soft spot for this series despite my MANY problems with its story later on.), Pokemon (Serious nostalgia overload!), Dragonball Z (My very first anime series I got into through the Toonami block. A real shocker I know. LOL!), Gurren Lagann, Kill la Kill, The Promised Neverland, Death Note, Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers, Sonic SatAM, Talespin, Darkwing Duck, The Grim Adventures Of Billy & Mandy, Robot Chicken, A Pup Named Scooby Doo, Kim Possible, Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, and Fullmetal Alchemist (2003).

36: My three dream scenarios I’d like to fulfill? 

1: Become A Voice Actor

Been interested in voice acting since I was a young teen, but have been in a conflicted state over these recent passing years in my life on whether or not I’d like to approach that route. There’s a lot of commitment I’d have to put into auditioning my butt off for roles I may or not get. Then comes the consistent practicing to keep my vocal chords in shape, so I don’t get rusty whatsoever. The industry for this kind of job can be hard to get recognized in too by how many other notable well known VA’s there are already. Not to mention, from what I’ve researched up on being a voice actor doesn’t bring in the money naturally, as it’s more of a passion job which that’s terrific and all, but if I want to partake in this profession I’ll have to juggle a job along with that which putting all those factors in my head honestly makes me intimidated. Ahhh well, it’s just something I’ll have to wait and see on if I can make that idea into a reality or not. No need to rush myself, of course.

2: Taking Up The Mantle Of Reviewing Shows & Films For A Living

Fiction, just like for many people, has been a great deal of helping me in my life moments of stress, solitude, depression, and anger. I’d love nothing more than to further express that to anyone out there in reviewing in great detail certain films or shows that I’ve come to love over these years in my life so far. Mostly for animation though, as its been a gateway for finding many gems of quality films or series. It never ceases to surprise me on how creative and powerful animation can be with its inventive ways of getting me to become an emotional mess. While I do enjoy live action series and films they pale in comparison to the beauty animation has brought into my life, since my early childhood of watching shows on Cartoon Network, Toon Disney, and Nickelodeon to a smaller degree. I’d like to think I’m good enough with how I present my reasons on why I feel so strongly connected to these stories showcasing characters trying to find hope in their own hard times. I try my hardest to take moments of my own life and find ways to connect it with whatever story I’m getting into next, so it can be all the more a special experience for myself. It’s important to put whatever character resonates with you most in their shoes for why you feel their emotional journey connecting with your own life on every conceivable level possible. That will make it when you write these kinds of reviews a very empowering read for others to feel either heard in their own feelings or simply giving others a new perspective to consider on this piece of fiction you’re discussing. Seeing some of my own particular analytical posts in the past here on Tumblr garner some attention from people gives me a boost of feeling better about potentially making this choice.

3: Starting A Family Of My Own…?

I can’t begin to tell ya how many times I’ve gone back and forth for getting married in the distant future to become a father has sped through my mind. On one hand, it scares the crap out of me to be taking up that big of a responsibility. However, on the other hand its deeply fascinated me emotionally of creating life through love for your significant other in starting your own family tree. I’d love to be able to raise kids of my own to pass on the lessons I’ve learned in life to make them become better people in the distant future, while showering them with unconditional love and affection. That would fill me up with such an indescribable joyous feeling to hear their own dreams and desires on what they want to accomplish in life. While I’d be a strict parent, I wouldn’t be a hard headed one quick to dismiss their own complaints if they had problems with how I handled things, once they start to get older. The kind of parent I’d want to be is an understanding open minded one who doesn’t judge their son or daughter for when they have an issue with me. Just because I’m a parent in that scenario doesn’t put me on a pedestal of immunity from criticism. Granted, I certainly don’t want to be a doormat for them to try taking advantage of either, but it’s also important to not let your parental role go to your head, too.

Although, I don’t plan on even trying to make this last dream of mine happen anytime soon. This is something that is MUCH later down the road that I wish to have happen. However, I won’t lie and say that I haven’t considered just staying content as a single guy for the rest of my life relying on close friends to bring me joy equivalent to this dream. While I adore the concept of creating life through love and being a father, there’s a shit ton of responsibility that comes with it. The life of a parent is not just putting your all into it. You gotta give more than just 100% when wanting to be a parent. It’s a serious test of your spiritual endurance, which I’m not sure is something I’ll ever have the courage to do, but then again things can change in life on the flip of a dime, so I’ll see how this all plays out for myself. Maybe I’ll stay happily single or I’ll happily be raising kids.

Gee, I wonder why this dream of being a parent resurfaced in my head recently this year? Oh yeah, it was thanks to this character here.

Seriously, Della Duck holds a real special place in my heart for making me feel these kind of feelings yet again. Darn you space mom! LOL.

Thanks for the ask, man.

[translations-by-aiimee]

Dig a Grave to Dig Out a Ghost - Chapter 16

Original Title: 挖坟挖出鬼

Genres: Drama, Horror, Mystery, Supernatural, Yaoi

This translation is based on multiple MTLs and my own limited knowledge of Chinese characters. If I have made any egregious mistakes, please let me know.

Chapter Index

Chapter 16 - Game

Ten minutes later, Lin Yan appeared on the stage awkwardly wearing a silver-grey robe with a small dragon pattern embroidered on it. All ten participants took their seats. Even the Professor File Folder put on a traditional teacher's outfit. The buzzing activity coming from the crowd made Lin Yan blush. It felt like he was sitting on pins and needles; it was uncomfortable no matter how he tried to adjust himself.

This whole situation felt like a melodrama between Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai. He couldn't help but glance back at Xiao Yu several times. The only real ancient man in the audience was standing behind him with a frown. Looking at him with a serious stare, he pressed his hand against Lin Yan's shoulder, like he was trying to comfort him.

When he changed his clothes, he noticed that something was wrong with Xiao Yu, or maybe it was just everything that was wrong. In the dressing room, the ghost had wrapped himself around him and hugged him. He pushed and shoved the other around the narrow room, creasing his costume. Just as Lin Yan was about to start fighting back, Xiao Yu suddenly stopped tugging him around. He pulled him over to the mirror, put his chin on Lin Yan's shoulder and he stared at the person in the reflection. For the first time, his chaotic eyes seemed calm, even holding a quiet sadness.

The mirror surface swayed, like a droplet hitting a calm pool of water, waves rippling away from the center. Standing in the brass mirror was a young man standing with clear eyes, hands resting beside a cloud brocade waistband, and a face exuding pride. Lin Yan backed away in horror. He almost screamed. The person in the mirror wasn't him. Although he had the exact same face, life had done a number on him and he wouldn't be able to make an expression like that anymore.

The scent of agarwood incense in the room was intoxicating. The young man's eyes softened. The tall man in the traditional Chinese clothes adjusted his chin on his shoulder, raising his long eyebrows. His voice was slow and hoarse, as if he hadn't spoken in a long time: "I've been waiting for you for so long. . ."

Lin Yan's head snapped back to the mirror. He staggered forwards and leaned against the mirror. The person in front of him had hair as black as paint, and his mottled blood coat didn't match his eyes that seemed so sad and hopeless. . .

I have been waiting for you for a long time.

Lin Yan scrambled out of the dressing room.

"The break is over. Please quiet down and we'll get started with our next activity." The girl in the red jacket skirt read.

Lin Yan sat in the chair in a daze. The bright stage lights and the dark crowd in the audience made him feel like what just happened in the dressing room was a hallucination, and Xiao Yu was no different. Lin Yan looked back at him, panicked. Xiao Yu leaned down and held his trembling hand. On the table were a small whiteboard and a soft black marker. Xiao Yu motioned for him to pick it up and he moved his hand across the whiteboard: I'll help you.

Lin Yan was stunned and wrote out: Do you remember something?

Xiao Yu didn't seem to want to answer. He shook his head and let go of his hand. He still stood behind him holding onto Lin Yan's shoulder for support.

The audience quieted down, and bright white chasing lights hit the mahogany silk box on the centre of the stage. The red jacket skirt girl stepped forward to open the silk box, revealing the glass box within. The audience let out a few exclamations, and Lin Yan's eyes lit up. It was a beautiful moon flask with two handles. The maiden leaned against the tree art, the linework was meticulous, the enamel fully covered the flask, the piece was still intact, and the overall flask was in good condition.

This authentification wasn't difficult for a student studying cultural relics. Lin Yan carefully looked at the glaze texture and enamel of the flask's body. He wrote his answer on the whiteboard after double-checking that it was correct. When the time was up, the host walked past the square table and stopped when he reached the PSP guy, holding up her mic and asking: "You, what's your answer?"

The PSP guy’s whiteboard turned out to be empty. He was leaning on the table and his attention was focused on his game. When the host asked the second time, he raised his head as if he had just woken up. He glanced lazily around and sarcastically twitched the corners of his mouth into a smile. "It's genuine," he spat out. Then he brushed the host off and lowered his head to continue playing the game.

Lin Yan knew this guy was arrogant, but he didn't expect him to act this to everyone. The girl in the red jacket skirt was embarrassed by PSP's attitude. After putting a polite expression back on her face, she nodded and walked to the next student.

"Well. . . There were nine students who got the answer right, might as well switch it up for the last one." The audience let out a good laugh, and the boy three places down from Lin Yan grinned and left the stage. The professor briefly spoke about the flask. Lin Yan cleaned off the whiteboard and waited for the next question. His mind couldn't get over what he saw. He thought that most people wouldn't make a mistake on such a simple question. It seemed that the people on the stage were not as professional as they thought.

Professor File Folder also seemed a little disappointed. He took a sip from his stainless steel cup and turned his attention to the laptop, not knowing what he was looking at.

The brocade box in the center of the stage was swapped with a smaller one. After the mysterious sound effect, the box slowly opened. It was an ancient book. The host motioned everyone to take a closer look. Lin Yan stood in front of the glass box for a while and returned to his seat to write the next answer: "Genuine, the Southern Opera "White Rabbit" published in the Ming Dynasty, unearthed from the tomb of the Xuan family in Jiading."

He had seen this thing in the Shanghai Museum. Lin Yan thought, this lecture is like an antique appreciation meeting. No wonder it attracted so many people. After they all answered the question, another person left the stage amidst the applause and whistle of the audience, leaving another armchair free.

The questions were asked one by one, gradually getting more and more difficult. A fake yet elaborate sunflower gold hairpin inlaid with gemstones stumped three people, and then a bucket-colour fine-grained water chestnut bucket imitation with a "grinding" technique even had Lin Yan hesitate with his answer. After the authenticity of each item was announced, the professor simply added a few points on the piece, which could count as educating the audience on the topic. The seats were vacated one by one. When the eighth object was brought out, there were only two people left on the stage. Lin Yan glanced to the right, and it was the PSP guy who had toughed it out until the end.

He looked careless, but he didn't expect that he understood the field so well. Lin Yan put his cold palms on his face to cool down and took a long breath as he waited for the next question.

The red jacket skirt girl was holding a delicate paper box in her hand. Instead of showing it to the audience first, she walked over to Lin Yan and the PSP guy, signalling them to come forward. She opened the paper box and carefully took out a fan.

The ink on the front of the golden fan wasn't very visible; it wasn't well-preserved. The ribs of the fan were slightly damaged, and there are signs of water damage on the ink-painted mountains. With this kind of condition, it would be difficult to fetch a good price in a private auction if it wasn't made by a famous artist. But when the inscription on the face of the fan was exposed, Lin Yan and the PSP man couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. On the front, a few lines of the unruly inscription were written on the fan: “Wildwater Bridge Road, The Village of Barren Chickens and Fallen Leaves. Returned to Hou Xidu, The Child Sweeps the Firewood Door." What surprised the two of them were the three small characters following the poem: by Tang Yin.

Lin Yan's heart sped up. If this was Tang Yin's authentic work, then the fan in front of him was worth at least 500,000 yuan. Wasn't he afraid of being robbed bringing such a valuable thing to school? Then a clear picture of the fan was shown on the big screen. As expected by Lin Yan, an exclamation sounded from the audience, and even the host's voice was drowned by the buzzing discussion.

Professor File Folder grew impatient and coughed into the loudspeaker to signal the audience to shift their attention back to the event.

Lin Yan carefully looked at the light brown fan in front of him. He couldn't help but take his time with his answer. Tang Yin's paintings were extremely difficult to distinguish in the field of calligraphy and painting. His style of painting changed throughout his pieces, and he rarely indicated the year on the paintings so it was difficult to guess the painting based on its creation year. Therefore, there were countless counterfeiters and imposters on the market. To be honest, judging this kind of work could only be based on the painting style, date and seal inscription. The most important thing is the eye and inspiration of the connoisseur. Being extremely familiar with the author’s style, the first time he saw the work, he could only make a guess. This wasn't just an answer determined by years of study, but it was also just a luck-based gamble.

In the early years of the founding of the People’s Republic of China, many collectors relied on this ability to make money at auctions overnight, but it was too difficult for students like Lin Yan who hadn’t even finished school. He frowned and thought carefully. Regardless of the painting style, the date and the handwriting of this fan were almost flawless. Although there was a slight deviation from Tang Yin's other landscape paintings, the vigorous and unrestrained spirit of the brush strokes clearly distinguished this piece.

It should be the original one. . . Lin Yan bit on his pen and hesitated. Halfway through writing out his answer, his wrist was suddenly grabbed. Xiao Yu bent down and studied the fan carefully. His fingers lightly tracing the red seal and he seemed surprised. He shook his head at Lin Yan and crossed off the half-written "true" on the whiteboard with his hand.

"After so long, you still haven't figured it out?" PSP guy leaned over to Lin Yan casually with a disdainful expression. Seeing Lin Yan still holding the pen hesitantly, he couldn't help but sneer, "I thought you were so awesome."

The file folder-like professor was staring at his notebook in a daze. Hearing these words, he couldn't help turn his head around and looked at the two with interest. Lin Yan just focused his attention on the painting instead and had forgotten to be nervous. As soon as he raised his head to meet the professor's gaze, his cheeks became hot again. He couldn't help but cry inside. He originally planned to wait for the end of the event to ask the professor backstage regardless of whoever won the contest. Now he feels like he wouldn't be able to ask him anything if he lost to this guy in this activity.

"Hurry up, hurry up." PSP guy tapped the table with a pen and made some muffled noises. "Just go home already, you aren't qualified for this."

When the professor heard this, he couldn't hide his amusement and turned his face to take a sip of water to cover up his expression.

That was rude. He hadn't finished yet. Lin Yan clenched his fist and asked Xiao Yu as quietly as possible: "Are you sure?" Xiao Yu nodded, his pale fingers stroked his throat, and frowned. After a long time, it seemed that it took a lot of effort to say slowly and hoarsely: ". . . I drew it."

Lin Yan's eyes widened. He looked at Xiao Yu in disbelief, and then at the fan. In ancient times, there was no perfect reprinting technology. Famous paintings and calligraphy were often copied by literati and calligraphers. Some were for practice, some were to give to friends. Some were for selling, and the prices of those high-quality copies were even comparable to the originals. But Xiao Yu's counterfeit actually appeared here. . . Wasn't this too much of a coincidence?

"Dude, if you don't know what it is, stop wasting our time." Seeing Lin Yan's hesitation, the PSP guy shook his head impatiently. He lowered his head and continued to play his game, pressing the buttons with his thumb, clicking them loudly.

Lin Yan was also irritated but by this person's attitude. He took a deep breath and wrote his answer on the whiteboard. The crowd in the audience couldn't wait. The people in the nearby seats pointed at the PowerPoint. Someone nodded gently, seeming to recognize the authenticity of the painting.

The sound effect of a gong sounded, and when the host read out the answers of the two, Lin Yan heard a commotion in the audience and even a disdainful sneer from the corner of the room. However, the PSP guy completely ignored the audience’s reaction and crossed his legs. He glanced at Lin Yan, touched the pimples on his face and raised an eyebrow with a chuckle: "You're right, not bad."

The same answer was written on both whiteboards: fake.

The professor showed an appreciative smile on his face for the first time. After he said the right answer, he grabbed the microphone and explained to the audience: "Tang Yin's fan "Xiqiao Going Back to the River", a work made during the Ming Dynasty Chenghua period. The author is unknown. The two students answered correctly."

There was a sigh from the auditorium. This time, most of the people who had thought they were right about their guess couldn't help pointing at the screen to discuss the flaws in the fan. There was even a school official wearing a black suit in the front row who had turned around and argued fiercely with the guests in the back row.

Author unknown? Lin Yan wasn't focusing on the fan, instead looking back at Xiao Yu. His hands still rested on his shoulder, but he didn't respond to anything Professor File Folder was saying. Instead, he frowned as if immersed in memory. He seemed really lost in thought. Lin Yan looked into Xiao Yu's eyes, no longer as wild as a beast like when he first saw him. Now, his dark eyes were like the surface of the river after sunrise, and the turbid fog was slowly burned away in the sun, revealing a hint of clarity from within the chaos.

"Now that the first nine rounds are over, please give your attention to the last round with these two classmates, which is also the most difficult round today." The red jacket skirt girl raised her voice and signalled to something behind her.

[insfiringyou]

BTS - 2 years later. PART ONE..(Suga x Jeong-sun)

Contains: Fluff. Angst. Sexual tension.

Yoongi bumps into his ex girlfriend, Jeong-sun, for the first time since his military enlistment. 

This is part of our headcanon universe (find out more about the ongoing plot and original characters etc here) and is set three months after Yoongi finishes his military enlistment. The last time he saw Jeong-sun in person was two years before in a supermarket (read here.) 

To read each member & their girlfriend’s headcanon universe fics in order, follow the links here: RM   /   Jin /   Suga  /   J-Hope   /   Jimin   /   V   /   Jungkook & Our full masterlist can be found here

(Photo credit goes to https://bangtan-sonyeon-scans.tumblr.com/)

Read content below the cut

Yoongi raised his clenched fist to his lips as he spilled a series of low, rough coughs into his hand. He thought the walk downtown would ease the increasingly tight sensation in his chest but the physical strain, combined with the chilly air outside, only made his cough worse. At least, he thought, it got him out of his apartment. Sighing, he looked around at the storefronts which surrounded him; he had been walking almost aimlessly for the past forty five minutes, following his own legs trustfully as they led him around the city but, until this moment, he had not realised where he was. Some of the canopies which adorned the store fronts seemed familiar but others had changed in the two years since he last walked through these streets. He had little need these days to go through this part of town and, in the year prior to his enlistment, he had subconsciously avoided it. While his location took him by surprise, he realised after a few moments that he had no need to worry. A lot had changed since he entered the military and, if Jeong-sun was still living in Seoul, she would have undoubtedly moved on from this area. Smart, determined and tenacious, she was too good for this run down part of town.

Another series of painful, retching coughs caught him off guard and, spinning on his heels, he changed direction towards a parade of stores across the street, heading towards the store in the middle. Walking through the small car park in front of the pharmacy, he saw that the sign above the door had changed; the previously independently run store was now owned by a big company chain he recognised. The Anglicised name and logo were instantly familiar and the exterior of the property was likewise updated; windows had been replaced with more energy efficient panes, the fittings shiny and a new neon cross adorned the window display. 

Yoongi entered the store, free of any visible customers or staff, and walked automatically to the medicine aisle. That little had changed since he had last been here and he found the bottles of Covonia almost immediately. Picking up the first one he saw and glancing at the price, he wasn’t sure if it was inflation or the new chain taking over, but the cost had gone up by a third since he had last bought a bottle. He was considering this, unsure why it had struck him as such a big deal, after all, a lot had changed since he had been away, when the loud, jarring sound of smashing glass brought his attention away from the bottle in his hand and to the woman standing at the end of the aisle. Her wide, brown eyes were fixed on him and his heart leapt in response, making him clutch the bottle tighter in case it slid from his grasp. It took him a moment to drag his eyes away from her face to the mess on the floor in front of her. Bright pink fluid coated the previously shiny floor, running into the gaps of the tiles and filling the air with its sickly sweet scent. 

“Hi.” Yoongi said automatically, rapidly. 

“Is everything okay?” A female called from behind the store counter, her voice inquisitive. 

“Yeah, fine.” Jeong-sun shouted to her colleague, turning her head away momentarily before glancing, a little warily, at the crate’s worth of broken Calpol. She looked as though she couldn’t quite believe she had dropped it, her expression was dazed and she blinked slowly. 

“Hi.” She said, a little belatedly, looking back at Yoongi. Her uniform was different; a pale blue and white pinstripe number rather than the plain blouse she used to wear, but she otherwise looked the same. It could have been two days since he last saw her instead of two years. “It just slipped…” She murmured in explanation, her voice distant. He felt sorry for her. 

“I needed cough medicine.” He explained, a little breathlessly, sounding winded. 

There was another delay as she caught up with his words. It was obvious his presence in the store had completely startled her and she was still trying to process that he was truly there. “Are you sick?” She asked, her voice equally bewildered and concerned. 

“Nothing to worry about.” He muttered automatically, realising, in hindsight, that after all this time he still didn’t want to worry her; the thought of causing her any distress was too much to bear. Frustratingly, his body chose that moment to let out a single, low cough and he clutched his closed fist to his mouth politely, lowering his head. 

“Are you still smoking?” She asked once his voice had dyed down. She sounded curious with a hint of reprehension and he couldn’t help but smirk. 

“Is this a checkup?” He quipped, meeting her gaze once more. Her eyes were wide and incredibly expressive before she even spoke; they glistened in the strip lights of the pharmacy and her jaw seemed tense and pronounced as she clenched her teeth, trying to remain calm.

“We could make an appointment.” The words left her mouth before she had time to think it through. 

“When are you free?” He replied just as quickly and they stared at each other for a moment, realising the implication of their words. He took a moment before dropping his gaze to the floor, a nervous grin flashing across his lips which uncovered his pink gums and white teeth. 

“I heard you were…away.” Jeong-sun said, allowing herself to glance at him properly now he wasn’t looking directly at her. Her eyes lingered on his dark hair which was shorter than she had seen it before. “Are you back for good?” She finished, trying to sound casual but failing miserably. Yoongi noticed and found his pulse racing. 

“Yeah.” He replied softly, suddenly aware of the space between them and how neither of them seemed able to cross it.

“That’s good.” Her voice came out almost a whisper and Yoongi couldn’t help but look at her once more. Another paused filled the air before Jeong-sun looked down at the floor. “I have to clean this up.” Nodding slowly, she made a move forwards, awkwardly stepping around Yoongi as he did the same, them both politely keeping their distance from each other as a matter of course.

“I’ll help you.” He said eagerly, his voice full of guilt. It was his fault she had dropped the crate and he hoped she wouldn’t be chastised for it later.

She smirked but shook her head. “We can’t pay you.” The joke came out flat and a little stiff and he realised that he was likewise nervous. While everything about her was familiar, he felt timid and jittery around her. 

“I’m not broke yet.” His voice was likewise low and constrained. 

She seemed not to hear him as she anxiously darted from the aisle to go out back. He heard a couple of murmurs from the counter as she quickly explained the accident to her co-worker and left the shop floor. Bending down slowly, he started to pick up the larger fragments of glass, feeling responsible for the mess. She came back a minute later, dragging a bucket on wheels with one hand and holding a neon yellow sharps container with the other. She glanced at Yoongi with interest as she picked up a dustpan and brush from the container.

“I didn’t think you would still work here.” He said as he swept a couple of pieces into a pile. He found the words came out easier when he wasn’t looking at her. 

“Why?” She asked. 

He shrugged. “The sign’s different.” He didn’t explain that he also thought she would have moved on by now. He realised, a little sheepishly, that his life hadn’t changed much since then either. He finished piling the glass and stood up as she swept past him, brushing the shards into the dustpan. 

“It was a hostile takeover.” She joked, her shoulders beginning to relax as she explained. He allowed himself to take a step closer to her, being careful to avoid the pink puddle of liquid. “We got to keep our jobs though.” 

“That’s good.” He leaned forward to pass her the sharps container. “Has anything else changed?” He asked casually, trying to hide his interest. 

Shrugging, she filled the bucket carefully with glass. “I’ve had a new shower installed.” 

“Same apartment?”

She nodded. “I have new curtains as well.” 

“Good. I hated your old ones.” 

She laughed warmly, familiarly, causing his chest to grow pleasantly warm. “What was wrong with them?” She grinned as she looked at him. He was bending down beside her, making their eyes level.

He shrugged easily. “They weren’t you.” He said honestly.

“Yu-jin gave me them.” She explained with a smile.

“That explains it.” He quipped. It took her a moment to realise why the conversation suddenly felt both familiar and comforting. He hadn’t forgotten the name of her friend, despite having only met her once, four years ago. She laughed softy and there was another pause before Yoongi spoke up.

“Is that the only thing that’s changed?” His voice came out slow and cautious but she understood its meaning immediately and answered him quickly. 

“I’m not seeing anyone, if that’s what you were asking.”

“I wasn’t sure.” He said honestly, his cheeks staining a little pink but otherwise calm as he passed her one of the blue cloths from the bucket she had brought out the back, coughing a couple of times into his palm.

She hesitated. “It’s been a while…a couple of years.” 

“What about the accountant?” He asked, wondering after he said it whether he was prying too much. He felt relieved when she answered, un-bothered. 

“Seung-yoon?” She took a moment to consider this. “He was too tall for me.” She shrugged easily. 

“It must have its advantages…” Yoongi quipped in reply, his chest fluttering with butterflies but keeping the conversation light. He sensed that she was being reticent on purpose, not wanting to uncover too much about her relationship with the older man. He wondered if it had been that bad for her or whether she was trying to spare him from hearing about it. 

“Like what?” She asked, eyebrow raised. 

He shrugged indifferently. “Reaching the top shelf.” 

Instead of laughing, she gazed at him, curiously. “Where you there?” She eventually asked. He realised what she was asking immediately and met her eyes.

“At the house party?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Not long.” He admitted, a little uncomfortably. 

She nodded once. “I thought so.” He thought she sounded almost relieved and wondered whether she had been afraid that he had heard the news from one of the other members. “Why did you leave?” She asked. 

He opened his mouth to speak but quickly closed it, taking a moment to gather himself before he spoke up. “Isn’t that obvious?” 

She was silent for a moment as she looked at him wistfully. “I didn’t know you’d be there.” She said softly, her voice sad and full of regret. He knew, from her expression, that she would never have attended the party if she had known he would be there, boyfriend or no boyfriend. She had told him, on the day they broke up, that she didn’t want to hurt him and, in their three years apart, they had equally tried their best to keep that promise. 

He nodded slowly. “Me neither.” There was a pause as she wiped the last smudge of Calpol from the tiled floor and realised how long she had been there on her knees with him. She looked around the store a little flummoxed, as though waking up from a dream. “I’ve got to go.” She murmured as she got to her feet. “Can you call me?” Her voice came out as breathy and flustered as Yoongi felt.

He stood up and shook his head guiltily. “I don’t have your number anymore.”

“Oh.” There was a moment as she realised what he had done, but dismissed his apology quickly. “Then I’ll call you.” 

Everything seemed to be happening very quickly; a direct contrast to the last ten minutes which had drifted by abstractly, as though they had been the only two people in the world. Jeong-sun glanced back at the work counter to see if any customers needed to be served and was shocked to find a couple of people waiting patiently. Her older co-worker had disappeared into the back room to sort a delivery of prescriptions. “You haven’t changed it?” She asked hurriedly. 

He shook his head. “No.” He coughed, his shoulders heaving heavily as his small frame shook beneath his pale blue jacket. Jeong-sun reached behind him and took a bottle from the shelf, passing it to him. It had a green label.

“This one’s better.” She said fervently. “It has eucalyptus oil in.” 

“Thank you.” He replied, returning the Covonia to the shelf as she rushed off to serve the line of customers. He watched her go a little bemused, not knowing how to feel but unable to ignore the somersaulting, sickly-sweet feeling in his stomach and chest as he heard her voice carrying from the other side of the aisle as she apologised to the customers for the delay. He had spent the past three months living his life in a strange sort of daze but now, for the first time since he had left the base, he felt like he was home.

***

READ PART TWO HERE!

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[skyechaser]

Silence in Atlas 16/?

Once more, this is a dark take on Volume 7 from a Bumbleby standpoint. It has scenes of graphic violence. If there are any specific trigger warnings I will specify it. 

I really didn’t think I’d be uploading today but found some time (thanks insomnia) to finish the next chapter so I could publish this one. We are moving slowly in the story because there are a lot of aspects I want to cover but I promise things will speed up soon. Thanks so much for the support, guys, it means a lot. Let’s get through this hiatus together jajaja

----------------------

After her conversation with Blake’s parents, Yang walked back into the hospital room feeling defeated. She looked around. Nothing had changed. The faunus was still asleep, her face frozen in a permanent frown, the scar on her neck a reminder of her silence. They were alone. The others had gone back to the house to get some rest. They were all tired and still processing what had happened. Qrow, however, stayed in the waiting room, half asleep in an impossibly uncomfortable couch. He wanted to keep an eye on his niece and be there if she or Blake needed anything.

Yang was tired. She hadn't really had any rest in the last eight days and she was starting to feel it. Her body was heavy and her head hurt. She walked towards the bed and was about to sit down on her chair when a voice caught her by surprise.  

“Ms. Xiao Long?” she turned around. It was Doctor Yu. Yang looked at him like it was the first time. Back in the waiting room she hadn’t even seen him as a person, only as a source of information about Blake’s status, so she barely noticed anything about him. Now she took her time. This was the man that was treating Blake and she needed to know if she could trust him. He was supposed to be one of the best doctors in the entire hospital. Yu was young, not much older than she was, his skin was dark and he had long brown hair. His eyes were green and they looked kind. “Were you able to reach Ms. Belladonna’s parents?”

“Yeah” she replied, not feeling ready to actually explain what had happened in the call. She could still recall the sound Kali’s heart made when it broke.

“I expect they won’t be able to get here due to the lockdown” the blonde nodded and a part of her was somehow glad they couldn’t come. If talking on them through the phone had been so excruciatingly painful she could only imagine what seeing them in person was going to be like. She needed time to prepare for that. The doctor looked down for a moment. “I see… There is something we need to discuss. You and Ms. Belladonna are in a relationship, am I right?”.

“Yes”

“Would you follow me to my office, please?” he asked. Yang looked at Blake. She didn’t want to leave her side again. The doctor looked at her and understood. “I think it will be better if we talk about this somewhere else. She needs peace” he added, looking at the bed. Yang felt the worst kind of anticipation.  

---------------

Doctor Yu remained silent. They had entered the office and sat down a while ago but he was yet to say anything. He was looking through some documents and Yang assumed they were Blake’s test results. She didn’t look at the papers, her eyes were fixated on her own hands. She had scratches on her fingers, probably from punching that man back at the mine. Her eyes threatened to go red at the mere thought of his face. He was a piece of trash and he had hurt Blake. Maybe she should have just killed him. Nobody would have known.

Doctor Yu placed the papers in front of him and coughed lightly, capturing her attention. He smiled gently and took a deep breath. He was getting prepared to say something terrible, she could feel it in her bones. Yang braced herself for yet another fall.  

“When Ms. Belladonna arrived here yesterday we ran several tests to determine the extent of her injuries. We will need to talk to her about what happened once she wakes up, but thanks to these exams we have some level of understanding of what happened to her.” he explained. The blonde didn’t like where the conversation was going.

“Is her life in danger?” Yang asked, fearing they had done something to Blake that could actually kill her.

“It is definitely not” he said and she relaxed a little bit. “But there is something you should know”.

“What is it?”

“There is no easy way to say this so I will be as direct as possible, okay?” she nodded. It was better like this. She just wanted to know. “Some of her injuries are consistent with sexual assault. It is not something conclusive, doesn’t seem like it was something that happened more than once and some time passed and well…” he scratched the back of his head. There was never an easy way to say things like this. “This injuries could also be a consequence of the beatings to which she was subjected but we have to consider that maybe...”

“Blake was raped?” the words left her mouth before she processed their meaning. Once they did she could hear them in her head over and over again. Her own voice turned into a stranger as she tried to grasp what the doctor had just said. A possibility, he called it. Her mind started working on its own and she couldn’t control her own rage from drawing all sorts of conclusions. If it had actually happened, was it in the mine? Was it in The Traders hideout? Who had done it? Who did she have to kill?

Her eyes went red.

“Like I said, Ms. Xiao Long we have no way of being sure right now. Still, I think it is an scenario we should consider. Her recovery is going to take a long time and I don’t mean just her physical health”.

“I know” she replied. “I saw the place where they had her”. He could only imagine what she meant and it made him shiver.

“I will do my best to help Ms. Belladonna. It is my promise as her main doctor.” he said, looking the young woman in the eyes. He had noticed they changed color when she was upset. Yu felt really bad about everything that was happening. All of the faunus that had been brought back from Staub were in terrible conditions and would need extensive medical care. However, it was clear to him that their captors had been especially violent towards Blake. He was going to help, even if several doctors in the hospital were refusing to do so. He was no fucking racist. He cared for life.

“Ok” she said she stood up. “Thanks, doctor”

Yang walked out of the office without even hearing if the man replied to her. Her mind was going so fast she couldn’t even understand her own thoughts. This was too much. She had remained calm for so long. She had done her best not to lose her grip but right now she just wanted to burst. She needed to hit someone. She needed to fight. She needed to do something with the rage that was building up inside her of she would explode. Yang left the hospital and started walking with no real direction. She had to breathe. She had to calm down. She was walking fast, her eyes red and her hands turned into fists and she could taste blood in her mouth as she bit hard on the inside of her cheeks.

“Hey, blondie” a voice called and it brought her back to reality. She was in a dark alley and there were two men looking at her. How far away from the hospital had she walked? This seemed like a completely different part of the city.

“Why are you so mad?” one of them asked laughing. Yang didn’t stop to think and just punched him in the face. She was far beyond mantras. She was beyond breathing. She just wanted blood.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” the man yelped as he held his bloody nose. She looked at him and felt relief in his pain.

“You are in trouble” the other one threatened as he swung at her. She evaded it and kicked him in the stomach. The man fell to the ground, coughing and trying to catch his breath. She stood there and watched them, hoping they would try to attack her again. They didn’t.

“You are fucking crazy, bitch” the man she had punched in the face spat at her. He took his friend’s hand, pulling him from the ground. Without breaking eye contact with her they started backing away slowly. Yang took a single step towards them and that was all it took. Both men turned around and started running.

She was left there, alone in the darkness of an empty alley. She punched the brick wall in front of her with her left hand. Once. Twice... She hit it until she could no longer sense anything else but pain and, even then, she kept it up. Yang could feel the bones in her hand breaking but it didn’t matter. She needed to get all of the anger out of her before it killed her or before she killed someone else. When she finally stopped she could see her own blood dripping down the bricks. Her eyes went back to lilac and she fell to her knees.

She should have walked back to the house with her.

[alluremin]

missing you | pjm

pairing: park jimin | reader

genre: boyfriend!au | angst, fluff

warnings: possible trigger warning (hints to depression/excessive sadness)

premise: He had been on tour before, but this time, you missed him more than you ever had before.

word count: 2.7K

You would think that after four years with Jimin, you would’ve gotten used to the separation at this point. You were a relatively independent person, you could handle being away from him for periods of time. You missed him, of course, you missed him, but you knew he would always come home to you. This time around, however, the tour had lasted much longer than you were used to. You weren’t worried that Jimin would fall out of love with you or anything like that, you two were soulmates. This time around, you just missed him so much. You had lost your appetite, you didn’t want to go out with your friends. Everything just seemed so wrong without Jimin there.

Your best friend, Yumi, had the habit of showing up to your apartment unannounced. You internal cursed yourself for giving her a key. Today had been a particularly shitty one, somehow, you missed Jimin’s presence more than you had in the past four weeks. It was hard for you to handle the fact that you had to go two more weeks without him here. When Yumi showed up, you were still in bed, you rolled over to see that the clock read 12:32 pm. You had absolutely no energy and because you didn’t have work today, you didn’t see the point to getting out of bed. Yumi burst through your bedroom door and jumped on your bed. You buried your head under your comforter and groaned at her energy.

“Y/N, you haven’t left your house for anything other than work in two weeks. C’mon babe, let’s go shopping, get food, leave the house!”

“I really don’t want to go, Yumi. I’m just super tired, I’ve been at work all week.”

“Is this because Jimin’s been gone for so long?”

You sighed and pulled your comforter off of your head, “he’s been away on tour before Yumi, I’ll be fine.”

Yumi laid her head down on the pillow next to you and looked at the side of your head until you turned to face her. “Y/N, honey talk to me.”

“I just miss him so much, Yu,” you began to sniffle, and you knew that you were past the point of controlling your emotions anymore. The tears began to fall and sobs soon wracked your body. Yumi scooted close to you and wrapped her arms around you, her hand running through your hair. You weren’t sure how long you two laid there, but ou best friend hadn’t left your side through it all. After you were sure you had no tears left in your body, you sniffled a little before Yumi pulled back to look at you.

“I’m sorry you have to be without him baby, but you know he misses you and loves you so much. Does he still text and call you?”

You nod her head at her question. “We text every day, but not for very long. We don’t call much, but that’s just because the time zone difference is so extreme and he’s so busy. But yeah, we communicate every day.”

“See? I know you miss him, but this will all be over soon. He’ll be home in two weeks, right?” You nod again. “It’s gonna be alright, bub. Can you do something for me though?”

“Yeah what is it?”

“Go take a shower and brush your teeth. I’ll order take out and we’ll binge movies on the couch!” Yumi sits up in bed and you follow suit. You pull the covers off and swing your legs over the edge, stumbling your way into the bathroom. You took in your appearance in the mirror, to saw you looked awful was the understatement of the century. The bags under your eyes were almost purple, the swelling on your eyelids was unlike anything you had seen on yourself. Your cheeks looked sunken in, and your skin was pale. You hadn’t been taking care of yourself and it showed. You decided you couldn’t look any longer and turned on the shower, quickly undressing and stepping into the water.

Yumi made her way to your living room and quickly typed a message to Jimin, hoping that he was awake. When he responded, Yumi peeked into the bedroom and made sure that the water was running in the shower before she pressed call on Jimin’s contact name. The line rang once, twice, before the other side clicked, “Hello? Yumi, what’s up?”

“Jimin, Y/N isn’t handling the separation well. I don’t think she’s been eating or taking care of herself at all really.”

“What do you mean? We’ve been talking every day, I don’t understand,” The concern in Jimin’s voice was apparent. He sounded confused and hurt. It broke Yumi’s heart that he hadn’t known what was going on.

“I just showed up at the apartment because she’s been avoiding going out with me the last couple of times I’ve asked. She looks like she hasn’t slept at all. I sorry I have to tell you over the phone, Jimin,” Yumi looked back into your bedroom to check on you. The water was still running and she heard you open a bottle, taking that as an affirmation that you were okay.

“Well, what do I do? I still have to be in Japan for nearly two more weeks. I can’t just leave, but I can’t just leave her there either. God, I miss her so much, I can’t stand that she’s hurting because of me,” she heard a small sniffle on the other line. Yumi knew that Jimin wouldn’t be able to think about anything else during the tour, but she didn’t know who else to call. He was the only other person who understood you as she did.

“I don’t know Jimin, but she doesn’t know that I’m calling you. You know she would never have told you about how she’s feeling because she wouldn’t want to make you feel guilty. I just didn’t know who else to call.”

“You know what, I’m going to talk to my managers, we have a couple days off in between tonight’s show and the next. I’m gonna try to come home for a few days.”

“Do you think they’ll let you?”

“I don’t know, but just don’t tell Y/N anything unless I manage to convince them, okay?”

“I won’t. Thank you, Jimin.”

“No, thank you.”

After the conversation, she hung up the phone with a sigh. She heard the shower turn off and quickly called your favorite local pizza place. By the time she had finished placing your order, you managed to drag yourself out of the bedroom and into the living room. Yumi had plopped onto the couch and held the remote in your direction. “Whatever you want to watch, babe!”

Yumi had insisted that she stayed the night, claiming that she missed you, but you knew that her concern for you was her motive behind staying. It felt nice to be in the company of another person. Your best friend also happened to be a massive cuddler when she slept, and you weren’t complaining about that either. You missed being affectionate with somebody, even if that just meant somebody hugging you while you slept. She woke up before you and removed her body from around yours, grabbing her phone and hiding in the bathroom to see if Jimin had any news.

Jimin - 8:45 am

‘My managers are letting me fly out for the next two days before our next show, I’ll let you know final details about when I’ll be home, just make sure that Y/N is home when I get there!!’

Yumi squealed with delight, locking her phone and leaving the bathroom. You were still sound asleep in bed, so your best friend decided to go to the kitchen and make you some breakfast. You needed a home cooked meal, she decided.

By some miracle, Yumi had convinced you to get out of the house for a while. She took you to the mall and you actually enjoyed yourself. She had persuaded you to buy some cute lingerie, “for Jimin”, she claimed. You didn’t know why she was so insistent, Jimin wouldn’t be back for almost two weeks and it’s not like he really cared what underwear you wore anyway when he “just took them off anyway”, his words. You did as she said anyway. It had been a while since you treated yourself anyway, and your old lingerie was on its last leg. You had also hit a few other stores and bought random clothing items, candles, and a cute beanie you had seen a couple of times. Whoever said retail therapy worked was a genius.

Of course, you still missed Jimin, and your heart ached every time you thought of him. But the distractions your best friend provided you helped to keep your mind off of things. Yumi checked her phone for the thousandth time since you’d left the house. You wondered who she had been talking to. It was probably a new boy she had started dating. She tended to date guys for a short period of time, find a small thing that she disliked about them, then break up with them because she would obsess over that one thing. It was a vicious cycle, really, but it was just who she was. Serious relationships weren’t her thing, yet, which you fully supported. You were the same way before you met Jimin, after all.

Once again, you found yourself thinking about Jimin, he was consuming your thoughts. Every time you thought of him, you felt upset. You went shopping to distract yourself from thinking about how much you missed Jimin, and you weren’t even able to go five minutes without thinking about him. After going to a few more stores, you felt your mood slip back to how it had been before. Yumi had detected the change in your mood but insisted you go to one more store. You browsed the racks of clothes, having little to no interest in spending any more money. You turned to ask your best friend if she was ready and you could see her smiling at her phone.

“Okay spill, what is it? A new boy? Cute cat you found on Twitter?” You looked away from her and continued your search for nothing in particular.

“Uh, yeah yeah,” she said locking her phone quickly and looking through clothing racks like you had been.

“Well, what one is it?”

“The cute cat, but it was on Instagram,” Yumi made short eye contact with you and smiled, then returned to her search.

“Are you just about done, Mi? I’m pooped and want to go back home. Are you staying again?”

“Um, maybe. Only if you want me to.” She looped her arm in yours as you made your way out of the store.

“You say that as if you ever ask for permission,” you look over at her and give a small smile, leaning your head on her shoulder as you both make your way back to the car.

After putting away the spoils of your impromptu shopping trip, you and Yumi settling back onto the couch and do what you two do best; binge watch your tv shows and eat a ridiculous amount of unhealthy food. You had just gotten comfortable on your side of the sofa when you heard knocks on the door. When the sound echoed through the apartment, you noticed that your best friend had “fallen asleep” on the couch. You knew she really hadn’t but she always “fell asleep” when there was some kind of physical task that needed to be done. You sighed and walked over to the front door, you had been starving while waiting for the takeout to get here, but it hadn’t been very long since you placed your order. You made a mental note to give a good tip for the timing. When you opened the door, you were looking down at your wallet, so when you were enveloped by a crushing bear hug you let out a scream and started to thrash.

“Baby, it’s me,” Jimin said into your ear. You immediately fell limp at the sound of his voice and tears ran down your cheeks, it was a visceral reaction. “I missed you so much.”

“Jimin,” you squeaked. Words felt foreign to you, you were completely overcome with emotion. Confusion soon followed, but you pushed it to the wayside. Once you process the fact that Jimin was actually crushing you in his grasp did you manage to wrap your arms around him. You closed your eyes and squeezed him back, burying your head in his chest, and continuing to cry. You had missed him more than you ever thought possible.

“I’m here, love,” he was crying too, you could feel the tears on your neck. He was running his hand over your hair and rubbing your back. “I’m sorry I’ve been gone, that I haven’t been here for you. You pulled your head up and he did the same, reaching up and wiping the tears that were on your face. You did the same to his own cheeks and smiled up at him.

“Everything’s okay, Jimin. You’re here and that’s all that matters.” You smiled up at him but your happiness faltered when you remembered that he still had four more shows left on the tour before he was supposed to come home. “Wait, baby, not that I’m not thrilled to see you, but you didn’t leave the tour for me, did you?”

He smiled down at you. “No, my next show isn’t for a couple of days, so I convinced the managers to let me fly home to see you before the next show.” You couldn’t help but tear up again, you were so grateful for everything that Jimin had ever done for you, you didn’t deserve such a kind and gentle person. He was the greatest thing that had ever happened to you.

“I love you so much,” you blubber at him and he chuckles. Even when you were “ugly crying”, as you called it, Jimin thought you looking like an angel.

“I love you more,” he leans down and leaves a long kiss on your lips. The pillowy softness of his own making you realize how dry yours had become. If he had noticed he hadn’t made a comment about it, instead, he kicked off his boots, looped his arm around you and walked to the living room where Yumi had been sitting up and oogling over what she had witnessed at the front door. “Thank you, Yu. This wouldn’t be possible without you,” Jimin turned to face you and your eyes grew wide.

“You did this?” You asked your best friend. As she nodded her head, you tackled her where she was sitting. Surrounding her with your arms, you whispered a quiet “thank you,” in her ear. She only giggled in response and squeezed you in return. When you finally let her go she stood up from her spot on the couch.

“Well, my work here is done. I’ll leave you two alone,” Yumi sent a wink your way. “Oh, Y/N, why don’t put on what you bought earlier for Jimin, I’m sure he’d love the show.” You threw a pillow at your best friend as she scooted her way out of your apartment. Once you were alone with Jimin you couldn’t help but wrap your arms around him, deciding at that moment that you weren’t going the et go until you absolutely had to.

“So what exactly did you buy earlier, baby?” You could hear the smirk in his voice. You reached up to leave a light smack on his chest.

“Stop ruining the moment and behave yourself,” you playfully chastised your boyfriend’s words. “If you’re not careful, you might not find out, mister.”

“You could wear a brown paper sack and I would still think you’re beautiful,” You looked up at him and left a quick peck on his lips.

“Nice save, babe,” you stroke his cheek. You know he’s taking in your appearance; your slightly sunken cheeks, the bags under your eyes. But he doesn’t mention any of it, instead, he just kisses your forehead and grasps onto your legs that are curled onto his lap. You sit there in a comfortable silence. You knew that he would have to leave again in a few days to finish the tour, but seeing him brought you happiness that would allow you to carry on until he would return to your arms once again.

© alluremin 2019

no reposting

[chanoyu-to-wa]

Nampō Roku, Book 3 (18.7):  Arrangement of the Shukō-chawan [珠光茶碗], and a Maru-bon Taikai [丸盆大海], on the Fukuro-dana.

18.7) Arrangement of the Shukō-chawan [珠光茶碗]; and of a taikai [大海] chaire arranged on a round tray.

[The writing reads: (above the upper sketch, from right to left) Shukō-chawan (珠光茶碗)¹, nakatsugi  natsume mo (中次・ナツメモ)²; (to the right of the upper sketch) mizusashi no ue  chakin ・ chasen (水指ノ上 茶巾・茶筅)³; (to the left of the upper sketch) chashaku (茶杓)⁴; (above the lower sketch) maru-bon⁵ taikai⁶ (丸盆大海).]

_________________________

¹Shukō-chawan [珠光茶碗].

    While the original bowl that belonged to Shukō was destroyed in the summer of 1582, other, similar, bowls survive into the present.

    There were actually a number of virtually identical bowls of this type*, each of which bore the name of the chajin who owned it†.  The only discernible difference between them is the number of marks from the hera [篦] (see sub-note “*”, below) that are found on the outside of the bowls, and some variation in color (which ranges from a greenish-ocher to a stronger military green -- the slightly pinkish-gray tone seen in the interior of this bowl appears to be what Sōji referred to as hishira-iro [ヒシラ色]):  according to the Yamanoue Sōji Ki [山上宗二記], the chawan of this sort that belonged to Shukō had 27 of these marks.  While Shukō's chawan was destroyed (in the fire that consumed the Honnō-ji in Kyōto‡, in 1582), several others have survived down to the present** -- while others have since been imported from China (where they are occasionally recovered from the ruins of the storerooms at old kiln sites).  The photos, above and below, show one of these other bowls (the shifuku is tied in what is called the tsune-no-tonbo musubi [常の蜻蛉結び] -- the “ordinary” dragonfly knot -- in the Nampō Roku:  this is how the bowl would have been displayed on the ten-ita of the fukuro-dana)††.

    These bowls were all decorated on their inner faces with a cloud-like design (using a sort of cutting tool that resembles a Rösle pastry wheel, which scores lines of small dots) -- since the designs differed slightly from bowl to bowl, the potters could ask a higher price by saying they were handmade.  The circular depression in the bottom of the bowl insured that they would stack securely‡‡ (the staff of roadside food stalls generally took their pots and serving bowls home with them at the end of the day, to prevent theft or breakage).

    The original Shukō-chawan is said to have developed a small crack at the rim early on, and this worsened while it was in Jōō’s keeping (Jōō seems to have been the person who was responsible for having the bowl repaired with same-colored lacquer).  This probably accounts for the way it is arranged on the fukuro-dana, as well as its special usage***.  After Rikyū was forced to sell his collection of utensils (apparently to Jōō), Jōō presented him with this chawan (as a sort of consolation gift), since its imperfect state -- as well as its history -- were sympathetically appropriate to Rikyū’s now-diminished circumstances. __________ *These bowls were shaped using a mold.  Which, at that time (these bowls continued to be made, in Southern China, from the Sung to the Yuan periods), meant a wooden form that created the inside of the bowl (it was important that the interiors be identical in size, since they were used for serving noodles in road-side food stalls -- and if some of the bowls were of a different size, this could create serious problems between the staff and the frequently low-class customers who ate at these establishments).  A uniform slab of leather-soft clay was placed over the mold and beaten into shape with a hera [篦] (which is a sort of spatula with the blade divided into elongated teeth like a comb, which makes it somewhat flexible:  these marks are clearly visible in the photo on the lower right) while the mold was being turned slowly.  Then the foot was added, the arabesque-like cloud motif was incised on the interior, and the mouth was trimmed.  After drying, the bowls were glazed and fired.

†All of those who have been identified seem to have emigrated from Korea to Japan around the same time as Shukō, and they appear to have brought these bowls along with them.  Since these bowls were actually made for serving noodles in roadside food stalls in China, they most likely were sold in stacks of 10 or so.  It would seem that someone (perhaps a monk) brought back a stack or two of these bowls when he returned from a visit to China, and handed them out to the people who had given him money to support his pilgrimage (the cash that was then given as a thank-present would help him reestablish himself back in Korea).

‡Nobunaga was serving tea to his page-lover Mori Ranmaru [森蘭丸; 1565 ~ 1582] when Akechi Mitsuhide [明智光秀; 1528 ~ 1582] attacked the Honnō-ji, in Teramachi, Kyōto.  After committing seppuku (to prevent his being captured alive) -- Ranmaru acted as his second -- Ranmaru set fire to the shoin by scattering the charcoal from the furo around the room (this was to prevent the dishonor of Nobunaga's head being collected and paraded by Mitsuhide).  After which Mori Ranmaru also committed suicide (apparently unassisted).

    Nobunaga was performing the naga-ita temae (interesting enough, the same temae that Yoshimasa had performed the last time he did chanoyu -- though he died of old age).  The mizusashi (the seiji unryū-mizusashi [青磁雲龍水指]), chawan (the Shukō-chawan [珠光茶碗]), and kiri-kake kama were destroyed, while the old Temmyō kimen-buro [古天明鬼面風爐] (this was the furo that had been used by Ashikaga Yoshimasa during the period of his brief second retirement), and the two tea containers (the karamono-bunrin chaire now known as the Honnōji-bunrin [本能寺文琳], for koicha; and the old Seto chaire that is usually referred to as the Enjō-bō katatsuki [圓乗坊肩衝] today -- because it was rescued from the ruins of the temple by the monk Enjō-bō Sōen [圓乗坊宗圓; his dates of birth and death are unknown] -- for usucha), while damaged, were salvaged (and have managed to survive down to the present day -- though the furo was damaged further in the Keichō-Fushimi earthquake of 1596).

**They seem to have mostly lost their original names, and are (collectively) referred to as Shukō-seiji chawan [珠光青磁].  Shukō-seiji being the name that the Japanese gave to the low-quality green-glazed ware that resembled his chawan.  (While this bowl is used as a chawan today, Shukō would have used it as the kae-chawan for his temmoku.)

††Like Shukō’s chawan, the bowl shown in the photo was also cracked and then repaired with (same-colored) lacquer.  The silver fukurin was added in recent years, to help protect the bowl from further damage (lacquer repairs tend to become brittle as the centuries pass).

‡‡While this circular depression is called a cha-damari [茶溜り] today (meaning the place where the tea rests), it seems that the original name was chawan-damari [茶碗溜り] (the place where a chawan rests).  In fact, the foot of one bowl fits into the depression like the foot of a cup into its saucer (and these large chawan seem to have been used as a sort of saucer for the temmoku before the introduction of Chinese lacquered temmoku-dai).

***The Shukō-chawan is placed, as a mine-suri [峰摺り], on the ten-ita of the fukuro-dana.  This is the most exalted arrangement possible.  However, when used with the daisu, it was displayed in a clearly inferior manner.  This suggests that, in Jōō’s opinion, the Shukō-chawan was the preeminent chawan for wabi-no-chanoyu (and his gifting of this bowl to Rikyū, after Rikyū was forced to give up all of his fine utensils, can be understood as a recommendation that Rikyū henceforth give up any pretenses to gokushin-no-chanoyu, and devote himself exclusively to wabi tea for the rest of his life).

    The special usage associated with this bowl (which was probably the “ku-den” to which the red spot is referring to) required the host to open the mizusashi at the beginning of the temae (before opening the kama).  Then two hishaku of cold water were added to the kama (to cool it), and half of a third hishaku-full of cold water was poured into the chawan (while the rest was also added to the kama).  Then a quarter hishaku of hot water was poured into the cold water in the chawan, and the bowl was picked up and rotated very slowly, to warm it gently.  Next, without discarding the water that was already in the bowl, the Shukō-chawan was placed down on the mat again, and (following a yu-gaeshi) a half hishaku of hot water was added; the bowl was rotated three times again, and this time the water was discarded.  Now, sufficiently warmed (so that the shock of adding hot water would not cause the crack to worsen -- as it apparently had before this procedure was created for it), a half-hishaku of hot water was added to the bowl, and the lid of the kama, and then the mizusashi, were closed, and the host performed the chasen-tōshi.

    The remainder of the temae was as usual, though hot water was used for the final chasen-tōshi, rather than cold water.

    After the bowl came into his possession, Rikyū used it resting on a large, red-lacquered, sakazuki [盃] (shaped like a flat dish with a raised rim, and low foot, measuring 6-sun in diameter), as a mark of respect.  It is said that the first time he did so was when Jōō visited his residence for the first time.

²Nakatsugi ・ natsume mo [中次 ・ ナツメモ].

    While the shin-nakatsugi was probably preferred (since it had been created by Shukō), a natsume could be used as well.  The shin-nakatsugi would be arranged on the fukuro-dana hadaka [裸] (without a shifuku), and resting on a shiki-kami [敷紙]*; but a natsume would be displayed tied in its shifuku.  The shiki-kami was only used with a shin-nakatsugi.

    While Jōō created both the large natsume (ō-natsume [大棗]) and the small natsume (ko-natsume [小棗])†, the large natsume more closely approximates the volume of the shin-nakatsugi. __________ *See the post entitled Nampō Roku, Book 3 (18.2):  the Arrangement of an Ordinary Chawan and Chaire on the Fukuro-dana; and the Arrangement of a Shin-nakatsugi on the Fukuro-dana for more on this, including directions for making the shiki-kami.  The URL for that post is:

https://chanoyu-to-wa.tumblr.com/post/186916844698/namp%C5%8D-roku-book-3-182-the-arrangement-of-an

†The assertion that the ko-natsume should be used for koicha and the ō-natsume for usucha may be a later interpretation:  the ko-natsume holds enough tea for no more than three portions of koicha, while Jōō is mentioned as having served tea to as many as six (or even ten) guests during a single za.

    Furthermore, Jōō served each guest an individual bowl of koicha (meaning that more tea would be needed than for a single large bowl of tea that was served as sui-cha [吸い茶] -- the practice where a single bowl of koicha is shared by all the guests).  What is more likely is that Jōō used whichever was suitable, depending on the amount of matcha that had been ground.

³Mizusashi no ue chakin ・ chasen [水指ノ上茶巾・茶筅].

    This temae is technically referred to as chasen-kazari because the folded chakin, with the chasen resting on top of it, is “displayed” on the lid of the mizusashi.

    Because the Shukō-chawan was a large bowl (it measured 5-sun 2-bu in diameter), the chakin was initially folded in half (rather than into thirds, as is usual when a smaller chawan is being used).

⁴Chashaku (茶杓).

    This would have been a chashaku that was made to be used with the nakatsugi (or natsume).

    During Jōō's lifetime a Shutoku* chashaku [珠德茶杓] (above) was probably been paired with the former; but one of Jōō's own chashaku would have been more appropriate when using a natsume†. __________ *Shutoku [珠德] was the name of the craftsman who made chashaku for Shukō (and possibly accompanied him from the continent when he emigrated to Japan).  He worked in both ivory and bamboo; and the special feature of his scoops (the bamboo ones as well as those carved from ivory) is the prominent flaring of the butt-end of the handle.

†The fact that the chashaku is displayed on the tana suggests that the comment regarding the use of a natsume as being a suitable substitute for the shin-nakatsugi was added in the Edo period.

    As Shibayama Fugen has remarked several times, most -- if not all -- of the writing was added by later people.

⁵Maru-bon [丸盆].

    Both Shibayama Fugen and Tanaka Senshō understand this to be the meibutsu naka-maru-bon [中丸盆] that had been used by Ashikaga Yoshimasa.

    This tray was 1-shaku 2-sun 3-bu in diameter.  However, the tray itself seems to have been 1-shaku 2-sun across, with straight sides, and a raised rib 1-su 5-rin high in the middle of the side.  The face of the tray had a large “gold” (probably brass, since the purpose was to prevent the face of the tray from being damaged by heat) plate inlaid in the lacquer, and the rim of the tray was adorned with a fukurin [覆輪] (edge) of the same metal.

    The tray seems to have originally been made for carrying chafing dishes and other heated serving vessels from the kitchens to the residential apartments (in China -- this was the purpose of the metal inlay, to keep the tray from catching fire), and (like the other meibutsu trays used by Yoshimasa) was adopted for use in chanoyu because its dimensions conformed to what was required.

    The original of this tray had been destroyed when Yoshimasa's storehouse was burned down during the Ōnin wars (sometime between 1467 and 1477).  However, Yoshimasa was able to order a (Japanese-made) copy in mirror-finished black lacquer (without either the fukurin or the metal inlay), and this was probably the tray that Jōō originally used with this kazari.

⁶Taikai [大海].

    The taikai was the oldest kind of chaire used in Japan* -- and its use predated the arrival of chanoyu (c 1403) by several hundred years.  The karamono taikai chaire known as Maru-umi [丸海] is shown below.

    The fact that the chaire overlaps the kane by one-third (in other words, the foot was placed immediately to the side of the kane) means that this was one of the large taikai chaire that had been used to hold the tea on the o-chanoyu-dana [御茶湯棚] in the days before chanoyu was brought to Japan.

[I have circled the words uchi ni taikai [中ニ大海), which are written above the drawing of the tray -- indicating that these large taikai were the proper chaire for use in this setting.  This sketch was drawn by Nōami (能阿彌), and shows the arrangement of the o-chanoyu-dana that he approved.]

    Because it was an adopted piece (rather than one of the chaire that had been used for gokushin tea), the taikai was being treated as inferior to the “proper” chaire -- even when these chaire had been imported from the continent.

    Takahashi Sōan [高橋箒庵; 1861 ~ 1937] mentions six karamono taikai-chaire† in his seminal work, the Taishō Mei-ki Kagami [大正名器鑑], and the pertinent data for each has been entered in the following table.

    Thus, while there was no absolute size, the taikai used in this temae were usually a little over 3-sun in diameter.

    Note that while the line representing the kane is done in red, the chaire only overlaps the kane by one-third (like an ordinary chaire, rather than a meibutsu):  the red ink is intended to draw attention to the fact that, even though the taikai is resting on a tray, it is displayed as if it were an ordinary chaire. ___________ *In the Chanoyu San-byakka Jō [茶湯三百箇條], which Jōō ascribed to Shukō (though the only surviving version of this document was edited extensively by Jōō’s disciple Uesugi Kenshin, and subsequently by Sen no Dōan and his disciple Kuwayama Sōzen, and the content clearly bears the stamp of these individuals), the taikai [大海] is considered to be the intermediate stage between the ko-tsubo [小壺] and the large katatsuki [肩衝], and so can be used in either way (tea was “pulled out” of the ko-tsubo -- sukuu [掬う] being the Japanese verb for this action -- with the side of the chashaku, but it was scooped out -- here the verb is kumu [汲む] -- from a katatsuki).

†A number of old Seto taikai chaire are also mentioned in the Taishō Mei-ki Kagami -- which is to be expected because every mansion had to have an o-chanoyu-dana, so there were many locally produced examples of this necessary object (only the wealthiest households could afford the imported pieces).

    But both Shibayama Fugen and Tanaka Senshō, however, state that this chaire must be a karamono taikai, according to tradition.  This is why I have not included the Japanese-made pieces in the list.

==============================================

I. The first arrangement.

    Here the Shukō-chawan is arranged, together with a shin-nakatsugi, on the ten-ita of the fukuro-dana.(the nakatsugi without a shifuku, and resting on a shiki-kami [敷紙]*).  The Shukō-chawan, being the preeminent chawan for wabi-no-chanoyu†, it is arranged as a mine-suri [峰摺り].

    A chashaku -- probably made by Shukō‘s chashaku craftsman Shutoku [珠德]‡ -- is placed on the extreme left side of the kō-dana, while the chakin and chasen are arranged on top of the mizusashi (so that a kae-chawan is unnecessary).

    While I have shown the Shukō-chawan without a shifuku in my sketch (so that the relationship between the cha-damari [茶溜り] -- the depressed circle in the bottom of the chawan, into which the matcha is transferred -- and the kane), the chawan would be displayed in its shifuku, as per Jōō’s sketch.

    With respect to kane-wari, the tana is han [半] (with the exception of the chashaku, all of the objects arranged on it contact a kane).  Taken together with the chabana in the toko**, and the kama in the ro, this gives a han count to the goza. ___________ *See footnote 2, and its sub-note “*”, above.  The shiki-kami allows the nakatsugi to “overlap” its kane -- something impossible otherwise, since the straight sides mean that, when placed immediately adjacent to its kane, unlike most other utensils, there will be no “interaction” between the two at all.

†The Shukō-chawan was probably never used for drinking koicha by Shukō.  It was the kae-chawan that he used when serving tea in his temmoku.

    While sometimes the kae-chawan was used to serve usucha to the shōkyaku’s attendants (by mixing the cha-no-ato [茶の跡] in the temmoku with some more hot water, and then pouring this into the kae-chawan -- which was occasionally used as a sort of saucer when a lacquered Chinese temmoku-dai was not available), its primary purpose was to allow the host to bring the chakin and chasen into the room, serve as a vessel in which the chasen could be cleaned with cold water at the end of the temae, and then be used to take the chakin and chasen back to the katte at the conclusion of the service of tea.

     The use of the kae-chawan to serve tea -- to the shōkyaku -- was a defining element of wabi-no-chanoyu (where the “proper” utensils were considered to be things that had been “neglected” theretofore in the practice of gokushin tea).

‡Shutoku [珠德] was active during the second half of the fifteenth century, but his dates of birth and death are unknown.  His name suggests that he was a disciple of Shukō’s (as well as the man who carved chashaku -- in both ivory and bamboo -- for him), and he may have accompanied Shukō to Japan from Korea.

    As for the chashaku itself, if a natsume is used (rather than a shin-nakatsugi), then one of Jōō‘s chashaku would be more appropriate (since Jōō created the natsume, just as Shukō did the shin-nakatsugi).  A chashaku made by later generations of chajin, or by the host himself, would probably not be appropriately displayed in this way (since the chashaku does not contact a kane, its absence would not change anything -- though its absence would present the difficulty of how to get the chashaku into the room, since a kae-chawan is not available:  perhaps it could be placed in the ji-fukuro; but the better idea would be to use one of the appropriate sort).

    The chashaku is placed on the extreme left side of the tana because it must always be to the left of the tea container (and the shiki-kami means that the nakatsugi occupies all the space to the right of the kane).

    This is an important point to keep in mind -- and not just in relation to this arrangement:  when performing chasen-kazari, the chaire is usually displayed inside the chawan, and in this case (contrary to what many modern schools teach) the chashaku rests across the rim of the chawan on the left side of the chaire.  Nevertheless, the present temae is, indeed, a variation on chasen-kazari.

**Assuming the chabana is displayed in the middle of the toko -- either resting on an usu-ita on the floor of the toko, or suspended from the hook that is inserted into the middle of the back wall.

     If the chabana is suspended on the bokuseki-mado (or from a hook nailed into the minor pillar on the outer-wall side of the toko), then the toko is chō [調] -- which (like an empty toko) would give a chō count to the za, if all of the other things remained the same.

——————————————–———-—————————————————

II. The second arrangement.

    In this arrangement, a (large) taikai chaire (of the sort that was used on the o-chanoyu-dana in the years before chanoyu was brought to Japan at the beginning of the fifteenth century).  According to both Shibayama Fugen and Tanaka Senshō, the “maru-bon” in question is the meibutsu naka-maru-bon [中丸盆] that was used by Ashikaga Yoshimasa*.

    Because this chaire was adopted for use in chanoyu from a different purpose (the o-chanoyu-dana -- which was not considered to be chanoyu, even though matcha can also be served in that way), it was considered to be an “ordinary” utensil.  For this reason, even though it is displayed (and will be handled) on a tray, it still overlaps its kane by one-third†.

    According to the Nampō Roku, of the six meibutsu trays associated with Ashikaga Yoshimasa, only the two smallest trays -- the Gassan nagabon [月山長盆] (outer dimensions, 1-shaku 3-sun 2-bu x 9-sun 2-bu), and the round Chōshō rai-bon [趙昌雷盆] (measuring 1-shaku 1-sun in diameter) -- were cleaned with the host’s temae-fukusa‡.  The other four trays (of which the naka-maru-bon was one) were cleaned with the habōki.  This is why the habōki is displayed on the maru-bon on the fukuro-dana at the same time as the hishaku.  The chawan (probably something like an ido-chawan during the period when the original document on which Book Three is based was written) is placed in the ji-fukuro.

    According to the Chanoyu San-byakka Jō, the fukuro-dana should be placed either 8-sun, or else 1-shaku 2-sun, away from the upper corner of the ro.  While 8-sun generally suffices (which would be the case of for all of the arrangements discussed thus far), the present arrangement needs it to be 1-shaku 2-sun away, so that there will be sufficient room for the maru-bon (which is lowered to the mat so the karamono taikai can be handled upon it).

    And finally, looking at the kane-wari, the tana is a straight-forward han [半] (the chawan in the ji-fukuro is ignored for this purpose).  Assuming that the toko is also han**, this will yield a han count for the za. ___________ *This tray, which measured 1-shaku 2-sun 3-bu in diameter, is described more fully above in footnote 5.  The original was destroyed during the Ōnin wars, and the tray that Jōō used for this arrangement was the copy made for Yoshimasa by Haneda Gorō.

    The reader should keep in mind that all of the arrangements described here use very specific utensils, most of which existed as only a single example.  If one managed to acquire the utensils specified, then one could perform this temae.  And if not, using copies was generally frowned upon (though one could sometimes use other utensils that matched the important criteria).

†As always, the foot is placed so that it is immediately adjacent to the kane with which the chaire is associated.  This allows the chaire’s bulk to “overlap” the kane in the appropriate manner.  Any necessary adjustment can be made because the kane is 3-bu wide, and the edge of the foot of the chaire can be found anywhere within that space.  This is explained in greater detail in the appendix that is found at the end of the post entitled Nampō Roku, Book 3 (18.5):  Arrangements for a Meibutsu Futaoki, and for a Karamono Chaire.  The URL for that post is:

https://chanoyu-to-wa.tumblr.com/post/187172815712/namp%C5%8D-roku-book-3-185-arrangements-for-a

‡Trays smaller than these were, of course, also cleaned with the fukusa (though these “chaire-bon” did not exist until created by Jōō, many decades after Yoshimasa’s time):  as can be seen in the chart that was included under footnote 6, the diameter of the foot is always close to one third of the total diameter (any deficiency can be made up by the fact that the “kane” is 3-bu wide, and the edge of the foot can be located anywhere within that space -- this was explained in the appendix at the end of the previous post).

**The room is always han, because it necessarily must contain the kama in the ro -- and generally nothing else (since the fukuro-dana was the original kind of wabi arrangement, the first departure from the formality of the daisu).