#on episode 45 right now! so if it turns out Kevin is very much not Cecil’s double I apologize that’s just the vibes I’m getting

[madbard]

If I had a nickel for every time my favorite character from a given piece of media tried to strangle their double but ultimately couldn’t go through with it, I’d have two nickels, which somewhat concerns me.

[uh-velkommen]

The White Lotus, HBOMax

Alright four episodes in and things are finally starting to ramp up. My face throughout the whole episode was stuck on discomfort. This show packs so much tension in every 45 minutes that I'm constantly waiting for somebody to pop off or something crazy to happen but instead we get teased with the smallest little plot pusher. Which is working. I'm officially intrigued. I do wish I knew the overall point of the show because that's what would've helped me decide if I wanted to keep up with but now my determination to find out how this all ends is doing just that...

Character breakdown + Spoilers/Predictions

Armond: The manager of the White Lotus resort. I love him in all his poor choices. He's just constant chaos simply because he has the power to create it. He's also the biggest driver of drama. He lies a lot, almost pathologically, and he will carry those lies to the grave for no real reason.

Nicole Mossbacher: Resort guest, Mark's wife, and Olivia and Quinn's mom. She's a pretty basic character who is teased about possibly having OCD and working during vacation. She was pretty chill in the first 2 episodes but every once in a while she says things that gives off I'm a centrist but my views lean a little more conservative.

Mark Mossbacher: In the beginning he's stressing about possibly having testicular cancer because his father died of cancer... Turns out his father had AIDs. He has a depressive episode over his dad being gay and then, while drunk, he inadvertently comes onto the Armond. The next day Armond tests the waters with Sober Mark and we get uncomfortably funny scenes of Armond coming onto Mark in front of the whole family. Mark's a very passive dude who doesn't do anything exciting in the show but we just find out that he has, in the past, repeatedly cheated on his wife and didn't tell her (he told his son that he did tell Nicole but I don't believe it) I think his theme is just being genuinely unhappy with his life at the moment.

Olivia Mossbacher: She's a college sophmore and has many moments where she calls out her parents questionable statements. She carries herself with a weird nonchalance where you'd think she's a mean girl but she's only ever expectedly mean to her brother. However, she brought along her friend Paula and we start to see that their friendship is built on some unspoken competition. The girls do tons of drugs on vacay until Armond gets his hands on them and breaks his 5 year sobriety. This is when and why shit starts to hit the fan. They know he stole the drugs but because everyone avoids admitting to having illegal drugs, no one is ever outright accused.

Paula: Olivia's poc friend, possible hypochondriac, and supplier of drugs, has secret rendezvous with one of the Hawaiian native resort workers. She refuses to say anything when asked about her nightly disappearances but Olivia knows why or for whom Paula keeps sneaking off. We learn that Paula doesn't want Olivia to know about her and her beau because Olivia always wants what she has. My theory is that this wouldn't be the first time Olivia has stolen a partner of hers and I think now because Paula isn't admitting to hooking up with this guy, Olivia is gonna steal him and use Paula's secrecy as a way of blame.

Quinn Mossbacher: Involuntary loner in my opinion. He comes off as a classic video game nerd, obsessed with the internet, cant live without his Switch and Fortnite. He doesn't have any friends and he takes all the teasing from Olivia and Paula without a fuss. But he starts sleeping on the beach alone and keeps running into these amazing sights to see. This is where we start to see him blossom and speak up. Its ever so slow but in episode 4 he actually walks up to a group of guys and introduces himself, interested in their boat related sport[?] (Or maybe even the guys themselves🤞) He's also the only one who knows about the Dad's affair and stupidly hints at it at the family dinner (he's just genuinely stupid).

Shane Patton: Also a resort guest and the funniest character to me. He's your run of the mill self-centered male Karen (Kevin if you will) and he arrives at the resort with his wife Rachel. They're on their honeymoon but so many moments make you question why in the hell did these two get married? He is in an unnecessarily one sided battle with Armond. First the resort accidentally downgrades his room. Armond gaslights Shane into thinking that he never purchased the bigger room. Shane gets a receipt. Armond tells him there's a German couple staying in the receipted room longer than Shane and his wife are there so the room will not be ready for them in time. Shane finds out the Germans are actually leaving wayy earlier. Armond apologizes and books them a romantic sunset dinner on a boat. The boat is actually a funeral where a strange grieving woman, named Tanya, fails to spread her mothers ashes in the sea. Shane confronts Armond and asks for Corperate's number. Armond creates a fake business card and when Shane realizes the number is fake, he bursts into Armond's office to find him rimming a coworker while high on Ketamine. Prediction: Armond's gonna get blackmailed for abuse of power in a classic Monicagate manner.

Rachel: Shane's wife. Rachel's a journalist who actually looked up to Nicole (her job as CEO of god knows what puts her in the public eye) but when she finally got to sit with Nicole over lunch, Nicole calls her out for writing an incredibly slut shamey article, claiming that Nicole used her femininity to get her where she is now. This is the first smack in the face that maybe journalism isn't for Rachel. Well that on top of the constant teasing from Shane about her career choices. Shane's family is much more wealthy than Rachel's and he always finds subtle ways to make it known. Shane also pays her no mind, flirting with Olivia and Paula and battling Armond. Even during their arguments (which happens too many times for newlyweds) Shane doesn't look at Rachel and just gives periodic "mhmm"s and "okay"s. Also Rachel hates the Mossbacher family simply because they all seem to be doing better than her.

Now for the boring ones

Tanya McQuoid: An eccentric resort guest (which is a polite way of saying, a weird ass person who is over polite and basically pushes herself into every other character's drama in the most unintentional way, she's also bad at reading the room) She comes off as calm and quiet but we find out that her mother recently passed and she's in Hawaii to spread her mothers ashes. She becomes creepily obsessed with the resort's massage parlor manager, Belinda, after a complimentary massage and suggests becoming a beneficiary so Belinda can open up her own massage parlor. Her "obsession" could possibly just stem from Belinda showing her an act of kindness during a hard time but I know I questioned Tanya's intentions for at least the first two episodes... In episode 4, some random dude, Greg, shows up and invites Tanya to dinner after "accidentally" mistaking her room door for his own. Tanya postpones a business meeting with Belinda so she and Greg can hook up that night. The presence of these characters feel a little out of place. Unlike the Newly Weds and the Mossbacher family, there is not a lot of plot overlap. Tanya will often pop up to converse with the others and brag about Balinda's skills but she doesn't cause any trouble. Tanya's also very wealthy so I definitely thing this "Greg" has some secret plot to take down Tanya or plant something or steal her cash and unfortunately I do not think Belinda will see anything bright in her future. Her plans will be left on the backburner which I say is unfortunate because she's a kind woc who is just trying to do her job and is clearly very skeptical about going into business with this strange, rich white, resort guest.

Honorable Mention

Lani: A Hawaiian native, trainee at the White Lotus. She shows up in episode one as her first day on the job. Later we find out she's also pregnant and goes into a premature labor on the job. She has her baby and disappears for the next three episode. Come back Lani, Armond has just started getting your name right!

Show Themes

The show does touch on conversations of race and class but I would not consider this a political show or one with an agenda (it's satire). I point out the characters of color here because their race becomes a device used to create tension but not in a Token POC kind of way. All the characters are rich and they are shamed for it by the show writers. By this I mean nobody is spitting in their faces and calling them Climate Killers but the choices the characters make, the things they say, and the way they act gives the viewer something to laugh at. Their ignorant entitlement juxtaposing with the beautiful Hawaiian beaches and tragic Hawaiian history creates an underlying experience of, look at these rich people not having a good time and they can't even realize why! As for the characters, there is plenty of time to sit back and question, is this character a good person, who's the real antagonist, how do these stories intertwine, who do we root for What story is attempting to be told here? What is the message!?

[91percentpynch]

if the world was ending - kevaaron au pt 6

we‘re slowly getting our happy ending i think? anyways shout out to the guys who sticked around ever since part one and encouraged me to publish the parts!! hope you enjoy this one as well! stay hydrated, eat something, feel hugged (or take a finger heart if you don‘t like physical contact) and know that i love you!! also this one‘s out of aaron‘s pov!!

the song of this part is if the world was ending by julia michaels and jp saxe

check this out for part 1-5

Aaron only planned to get to his dealer that night, just wanted the voices to stop, just wanted the feeling of numbness again

What he didn‘t want was landing in the hospital, but when did anything ever work out the way he wanted?

So when he was on the way to his dealer, tears clouding his vision, he didn‘t see the stop sign. He didn‘t notice the truck. And that was how a truck landed in the passenger side of his car, Aaron losing consciousness and somehow waking up in the ER of Chicago Hospital

„We called your emergency contact, they said they would come as soon as possible honey“, a nurse told him.

What they apparently did not know was that his emergency contact was Nicky, who left him for Germany.

Aaron wasn‘t mad. He got it. Nicky gave up so much for him and Andrew, never getting the love he deserved, he did his best.

Plus Nicky would probably call Andrew his way so he wasn‘t alone until he got the first possible flight to sit by his side for a few days before returning to his picture book perfect family.

Aaron wasn‘t mad. He really wasn‘t. He just missed his cousin. The only constant in his life, the only good part in his family.

Having a twin brother is pretty nice as well - in theory as well. Until said twin brother refuses to talk to you. Until said twin brother chooses his stupid boyfriend over you. Until you realize said twin brother doesn‘t care about you.

But Aaron couldn‘t blame him. He wasn‘t interesting enough for anyone to care about.

Aaron slipped in and out of consciousness

„I can‘t get morphime, I‘m an addict“, he said in one of his moments of consciousness. Not that he would particulary mind getting morphime, he wanted to get high after all, but Kevin‘s stupid little voice wouldn‘t let him go. „Why do you only call me when you‘re high Aaron?“, Kevin‘s face when he came to see him earlier, the day they decided to go to rehab together as friends and it ended up as them falling in love

„That‘s alright honey, we got you“, the nurse replied.

The next time Aaron woke up after that was in a white room, alone in an uncomfortable bed. Alone with his thoughts because Nicky wouldn‘t be here for at least another day. His brother was somewhere with Josten. The only person he really wanted to see refused to talk to him. Which is understandable to be fair.

Taylor, fuck he needed to tell her where he was.

Aaron was just about to look for his phone when someone kicked his door open, hurriedly crossing the room to be close to him.

Slowly Aaron raised his eyes, looking who it was. Kevin fucking Day was in his fucking room.

„You fucking idiot, what have you done?“, Kevin was close to tears, for whatever reason. Obviously not for Aaron, right?

„I don‘t need your fucking pity“, Aaron replied, shutting himself down, it was safer that way.

„Did you tell them you can‘t have morphine? Because you might relapse, i mean you already did but we don‘t want it to get worse. And this is not pity, this is Nicky yelling at me in Spanish cause you‘re in the hospital and he‘s in Germany and I‘m the closest to you and he does not want his son to be alone“, Day ever so unimpressed by Aaron‘s walls replied.

Nicky worrying about Aaron that much made the blonde feel warm inside, important, loved.

Nonetheless Aaron couldn‘t stop thinking about the person that didn‘t care to show up.

„Andrew didn‘t care to come, did he?“, Aaron‘s voice was barely audible as he hid his face in his pillow, in case those traitous tears made their way down his cheeks.

„Andrw does care about you, he‘s just shit at showing it, that fucking asshole“, Kevin replied in a soft voice, Irish accent slightly audible, the voice he used when he‘s about to be emotional or scared or mad or overall feeling strongly. „C‘mon what have you done Minyard?“

Was that worry in his voice? Could it be that he actually cared? No, no that couldn‘t be. Not when refused to talk to him.

„Car accident, not that its any of your fucking business“, Aaron replied, trying his hardest to sound as if he didn‘t care that Kevin was there with him, trying to push Kevin away, to protect his heart from another rejection.

„How are you?“, Kevin said, his Irish accent becoming a little stronger, voice thick with worry. Worry? Why would he worry about Aaron?

„Fucking great, I should let a truck drive into me more often. Very freeing. Very calming“, Aaron answered sarcastically, looking anywhere but Kevin‘s smaragd green eyes, maybe even the green of the lake they used to go in rehab, in the fluroscent light of the hospital.

„A truck. Drove into you?“, the Irish accent was now so strong Aaron could barely make out the words.

Aaron couldn‘t take it anymore, he turned around. Maybe Kevin would take the hint that he wasn‘t able to be close to him, not without being hurt, not without feeling empty. „Not that you would care“, he said, voice barely more than a breath against the pillow.

„Aaron first of all I can see you naked ass and not that I wouldn‘t mind the view and I‘ve seen it often enough but the nurses don‘t have to see that too. And secondly of course I care. I always did. Always will“

Something about Kevin mentioning Aaron‘s naked ass made the blonde boy blush as he turned back towards Kevin. Aaron didn‘t even notice that those strangers undressed him. That made him feel slightly uncomfortable.

„Why wouldn‘t you listen to me if you care so much? You‘re exactly like like Andrew, you guys only ever care when I‘m about to die or do something that doesn‘t sit right with you. Never about me as a person. The conecept about me maybe, but me? Me as a person? No one cares about that“, Aaron replied to the earlier statement, because he wanted to hurt Kevin, wanted the other boy to leave him just like the rest, just like he deserved. Aaron didn‘t need empty promises and lies - God know he had enough of those in his miserable life. Aaron didn‘t need pity or words of comfort or kindness. Aaron didn‘t need Kevin Day. Unless he did.

„You are Aaron Minyard. Born on the 4th of November, 8:31:45 am. You grew up in California in the house next to Nicky. Nicky and you were always close and you didn‘t have many friends because of your mom. Your mom might have abused her and I might hate her for that but you still love her and I get that because on some fucked up level I still care about Riko. You are allergic to cats, peanuts and house dust. You have a freckle right on your right hip, under your navel, from under your left eye over to the nose to the corner of your right eye. You like it when you are hold when you can‘t sleep but you hate showing affection in public. You were 13 when you started exy, because it gave you an escape, but you had to stop because the bruises from your mother‘s beating got to obvious. So you started getting into medicine. You borrowed every single book on medicine you could find and read it at night, always hidden from your mom. You had to have straight As or the beatings would be worse. Your mom did go out to have ice cream with you when it was especially bad. That‘s why you hate ice cream so much, especially vanillia because it was her favourite. Your secret hobby is skating. You feel free when you do it. You want to live at the coast, but not close to Cali, never back to Cali. You want Andrew to notice you and you hate how easily he let Neil in because obviously deserve it more and I get that. You tried drugs to escape, to see what was the appeal. Your uncle never helped you but he brainwashed you into believing he did. You grew up very religous and in an extraordinary homophobic household, you watched your cousin and only friend getting shipped away because he was different, not right, so you confinced yourself you were different. Heterosexual. When in reality you knew since you were 15 that you preferred guys. You liked girls as well. At least you thought but it‘s so much more complicated. Actually it isn‘t. You‘re asexual, you do however like the feeling of sex. You think the process is disgusting, but you still like the feeling. It has to be the right person though. It doesn‘t matter wether it‘s a boy or a girl or something else entierly, all that matters are the feelings the person makes you feel. It took you years to accept that you are not wrong, that you wouldn‘t have to go away like Nicky. You apologized to Nicky. You thought you had to be against their relationships, because that‘s what they made you believe. Old habits die hard. But you got over it and I am very proud of you. You sleep with a teddybear or with another person that cuddles you because the thought of being alone scares the living crap out of you. Your favourite flowers are sunflowers because yellow is a happy color. You hate sweets, you prefer salty snacks. You prefer coffee black, like your sould. You use sarcasm and humor as your coping mechanism. You stole my history books because you love history as well. You also love art but you don‘t think you are good enought to become an artist. You would love to work at Jean‘s studio but you are afraid to ask. You and Jean used to be friends but you cut him off and isolated yourself because your anxities and insecurities took over you again. Sometimes you have depressive episodes, in these you crave drugs more than normally. You want to stop it, you really do but somehow your brain tries to tell you you need it. You would love to have five dogs. An Irish Red Setter, an Irish Wolfhound, a poodle a big one though, a labrador and a golden retriever. You also want to adopt at least two kids. You don‘t want any child to go through what you had to go through or Andrew. So don‘t you dare tell me I never cared for you. Because I do. I listen when you tell me things. I remember every single time you came to me, black out drunk, crying and telling me you‘re worthless. Because every single time I wanted to tell you you aren‘t. You are a wonderful human being and I don‘t understand why I wasn‘t enough for you to stay but I will not let you tell me I never cared about you. Because that‘s some fucking bullshit“

Whatever Aaron expected to happen it certainly wasn‘t that. No one ever payed attention to him. No one ever listened to what he had to say. No one ever showed him that they cared about him. No one ever payed enough attention to him to see that he was worth their attention.

„You really did listen“, Aaron said, quietly, not able to put his feelings into words.

Aaron Minyared was never good with words. Causing pain with them? Yes. Sarcastic comments? Sure. But declearations of love? Or a simple thank you? Or really anything that would fit this situation? No, Aaron couldn‘t do that.

„Why wasn‘t I enough for you?“, the voice with tears, words hidden behind the strong Irish accent, was what made Aaron look up. Looking up into eyes the color of the lake they used to go to in their summer spend in the rehab clinic, tears falling down his beautiful cheeks, uncontrollable and messy.

„You? Not enough?“, Aaron whispered, eyes locked with the taller boy, „I was not enough. I was never enough. Not for my mother. Not for Katelyn. And certainly not for the Queen of Exy. I was never a good enough player, I was never a good enough student, I was never a good enough person. You deserve the best. Someone that loves Exy the way you do, someone as passionate and beautiful and strong as you. Not a burden. Not a no one like me. You deserve the sun, things that are bright and warm and beautiful. Not some broken, poor trailer trash. Not some drug addicted wannabe doctor. Some who can give you the love you need. Not someone struggeling to accept themselves. Not someon who can‘t even look at themselves accepting that they fell heads over heels in love with a man, struggeling to accept that, thinking someone will come and beat the shit out of them because it‘s the only thing you know. I don‘t understand the yearning, I don‘t understand the wanting, I don‘t understand the pain your absence causes me. Because I was never loved. Not properly. I mean sure I know Nicky loves me, but that‘s different. You deserves someone who‘s not too fucked up to be able to show love, not someone so fucked up they don‘t even understand the concept of love. You deserve somoene who can give you things. I can‘t offer you anything. Nothing. Nothing but a heart screaming your name. Nothing but a mind you reign. And I am so fucking sorry I ever left you without saying goodbye. I am so fucking sorry for being a coward. It was never because I stopped loving you. In the contrast. It was because there was not a single day where I thought I was good enough for you. There was not a single day the little voice in my head would shut up about how you are way to fucking good for me. You deserve so much more than I can offer you. So much more“, Aaron‘s voice broke at the last more.

„This was never your choice to make. I am a grown up fucked up man, I can decide who I can and will love very good on my own and I know you never wanted to hear it. But I chose you. I‘ve been falling in love with you ever since I met you. Started with a cute little crush. Ended up here“, Kevin said coming closer and closer to Aaron. „You talk about being so fucked up, well guess what? So am I. I am sick and tired of being seen as the Queen of Exy, of being reduced to Exy and my past alcohol problem. It‘s like I am nothing but the stick in my hand. I am nothing but the sport my mother invented. I am not even a human being anymore. At least that was what I was told. Until I met you. You and your stupid sarcatic remarks. The thougt of you seeing me was enough for me to keep trying to impress you somehow, make you see something worth keeping. But it was never enough. It would never be enough for someone to stay“

„Kevin Day. Born on the 22nd February 1986. Excuse me I don‘t know the exact time but about 7:15 pm. Your favourite color is red, not the Ravens red, the deep dark red of the Trojans because you associate it with Jeremy Knox and he was some kind of fucking sun in the nest. You had something with Jean in the nest. Riko that absolute fucking asshole somehow found out and tried to force you to do terrible things to Jean. But you couldn‘t do it. Not because you are weak like you like to think, no because you are kind and have heart of gold. I can‘t believe I just said that I want to vomit. Eww. Anyways you have massive self-esteem issues because you either think you‘re a walking failure or you have a god complex and there is no fucking in between and I love that about you. You have a constellation of freckles on your back and a little tattoo on your left hip. It‘s a little sun and a little moon on the right. Because you love the sun because it‘s bright and warm and you like that. The moon is far away, it‘s cold and lonely. The sun is your mother. You are the moon. Over your heart you have your mother‘s signature tatooted. Because she watches over you and unlike mine you actually can associate nice things with her. You want to move to Ireland once you retire. Because you want to be closer to your mom. You have your whole ass wedding planned already, because you love planning events like that. It‘s like your fucking secret superpower. You think cows are adorable and you want to pet one so badly. You are scared of chickens and swans and ducks. You are lactose intolerant and you have sport indicated asthma. You don‘t like when other people touch your arms and your back. You like forhead kisses. You like holding hands. You like showing affection, but not in public because you‘re scared what people think of you. You pretend to be arrogant and an asshole but it‘s all just walls around yourself to protect you. Secretly you just want someone to see right through it. Unlike me you do actually paint and you love photography. I know you rented a secret little atelier. Your favourite historical period is the 20th centuriy and you are oddly obsessed with eastern european and Irish history. You love horses. You love cows. You want to do horse riding once. You try so very hard to be more than just Exy. Hyperfixations are your coping mechanism. And spontaniously buying like 10 books. You love reading. You love tea. Your favourite genere is in fact not historical fiction but fantasy fiction based on history. You love rambling about random historical facts and I loved listening to it. You love soft kisses more than the hungry ones. You hate that people want you for your body, not your personality. You hate being sexualized. You hate being an object. You hate your title. But at the same time you love it. You just want to make your mother proud. And your dad. Right now you‘re wearing your mother‘s ring around your neck. Wymack found it somewhere and gave it to you. You haven‘t put it down ever since. You want to paint your nails because you think it looks pretty but you worry too much what people would think about you. You listen to classical music. You play the violin and the piano. You learned it at Palmetto somehow. You learned it because your mother used to play the fiddle, said it made her think of Ireland somehow, and when you were sad she played you some Irish lullabies on it. You love the Irish culture. You love Ireland. And your biggest dream is to get married on one of Ireland‘s cliffs. Because the ocean calms you down. Helps your anxiety. In summer your face is covered in freckles and not only your face. Oddly. You actually love swimming. Or sitting at the water. Looking at it. You collect books. You collect stones. You collect whatever you think is beautiful. You also like collecting shells. You hate to label yourself but you always preferred boys. There are days where you feel more feminie, days where you feel more masculine and days where you feel like neither. Today is a masculine day I see. Jeremy made you braclets when you

told him you were like him. You feel terrible about leaving Jean back but you also know that it was necessary. You are strong and beautiful and I know you canno see that and I know you don‘t want to hear that. You are more than your body. You are so much more. And the only reason I was stupid enough to leave you was because I thought I was not good enough. And an unhealthy amount of internalized homophobia. I just hear my mother‘s voice inside my head when I hold your hand or kiss you and I hate that. The moment I had to sleep without you the voices grew louder and it didn‘t even take a week before I had to find a dealer. I called you when I was high because the voides were silent. I called you when I was high because admitting that I missed you and that I need you was easier than. The two to four hours I slept were filled with you. In my dreams you were with me. You kissed me. You held me in these ridicously strong hands. You were with me and the world was okay. And when I woke up and you weren‘t here I just didn‘t want to get up. My grades got worse because I wasn‘t able to concentrate without you. Yes I am able to funciton without you, it was just nice to have something good in my life once. And yes I will be able to keep it up without you. A B or C here and there won‘t hurt too much. I will probably be able to become the neurologist I want to be. I will get through life. It will just not be the same. It will just be grey and black and white. With you I had colors“

„That was hard for you to say right?“, Kevin asked, tears still silently running down his cheeks.

Aaron nooded, watching as Kevin‘s face came closer and closer until he could feel his breath against his cheeks.

He was about to ask someone as a loud knock was on the door and the door was opened rather aggressivly, making Kevin get away quickly.

[smolbeandrabbles]

Kiss Me Slowly - Danny Rayburn x Reader (Bloodline)

GIF CREDIT: X

Author’s Note: A little reimagining of an original scrapped plotline of mine  Heavily inspired by that pier scene in Season 1 Episode 1.  😉

This fic was supposed to be something else but then it pulled me this way... And I wrote a portion of it twice. So, this isn’t what I set out to write, but I love it just the way it is 😊

Kiss Me Slowly - Parachute Lovin’ On You - Luke Combs 

Disclaimer: Bloodline characters not mine / Lyrics not mine / gifs not mine

Premise: Danny asks you to the Keys for the 45th Anniversary party. You’d be fine to go along with the ‘fake dating’ idea... if you weren’t already harbouring a crush. And, as you’re about to find out, you’re not the only one... 

Words: 5698

Warnings: swearing / sexual banter /drinking

_______

Stay with me, baby stay with me, Tonight don't leave me alone. Walk with me, come and walk with me, To the edge of all we've ever known. I can see you there with the city lights Fourteenth floor, pale blue eyes. I can breathe you in. Two shadows standing by the bedroom door, No, I could not want you more than I did right then, As our heads leaned in. Stay with me, baby stay with me, Tonight don't leave me alone. He shows me everything he used to know, Picture frames and country roads, When the days were long and the world was small. He stood by as it fell apart, Separate rooms and broken hearts, But I won't be the one to let you go. Oh, I'm not sure what this is gonna be, But with my eyes closed all I see Is the skyline, through the window, The moon above you and the streets below. Hold my breath as you're moving in, Taste your lips and feel your skin. When the time comes, baby don't run, just kiss me slowly Oh, I'm not sure where this is gonna go, But in this moment all I know... --- 

Danny Rayburn. What could you say about him? Too much. Not enough. He wasn’t a man you knew well – not as well as you wanted to. He was friends with your friends – which is how you’d first met him; kicking around on a sofa as you were leaving their house. He’d automatically got the wrong idea, and once you’d practically slapped a man you barely knew and profusely denied it, he’d turned into a terrible flirt. You wished you weren’t but you were kinda into it, and on occasion you would end up in his restaurant. Most of the time on real dates – where Danny would grab you afterwards for a run-down of how terrible the guy was, depending on what he ordered, or how he ate, or how he talked to you – or the way he chose to, or not to, split the bill. Apparently Danny was an expert – you automatically got to throw this back in his face, because he never seemed to be dating anyone. Which is why he turned up on your doorstep suddenly. Danny wanted you to be his ‘date’ to the 45th anniversary of his parents Inn. He thought you’d be best suited, and someone that his parents might actually like – which you almost took offense too, as if that was the only reason he was asking. But Danny explained that you weren’t just the first, but the only choice. And you wanted him so badly, that even when standing in the doorway scolding him, you knew the answer was going to be yes. Maybe he liked you too, maybe that was secretly why he was asking, but Danny Rayburn just didn’t want to admit it. You made a joke about it being time to meet his parents – but he didn’t laugh, in fact he seemed pretty nervous about it, so it didn’t take just one ‘yes’. You had to tell him you’d go, and then when he lit up and asked you if you were sure half a dozen times, you had to keep reassuring him. In fact you were looking forward to it yourself, Danny didn’t really talk about his family and the inn – at least not positively – but it sounded like a place you wouldn’t mind spending a vacation. And you hadn’t been to the Keys in a while.

  ***

When the day came around Danny was there before you; it wasn’t like you’d made plans to arrive together, but you had to finish a work shift before talking a few days off. Your packed bag was sitting in your car – and all you had to do was change out of your uniform before you were flying down the highway. You made pretty good time. Meaning you might still get the opportunity to be shown around, or to chill, before you’d have to get ready for the party. What you were greeted by as you pulled up the driveway wasn’t anywhere close to what you expected – the house itself was huge and gorgeous, in pure white and blue, your eyes must have been as wide as saucers because the next thing you knew someone was approaching your car and laughing. “You look a little out of your depth-! You never been here before-?! Considering your timing, I’d have questions!” You turned to him; “Uh, N-No… Danny invited me down for the weekend.” He looked slightly taken aback “Danny-!? Oh! I see!” you were glad he did because you didn’t, “Well, I’m Manny and I work here – I’ll take your things to your cabin and park your car up… What’s your name?” You blinked at him a couple of times like you weren’t hearing what you clearly were; a valet service!? - Danny should have better prepared you for this!!! “…Uh, Sure.” You hopped out of your car, and held out your keys “I’m F/N L/N…” “Well,” Manny laughed, “Welcome to Rayburn House, Y/N! Enjoy your stay-!” He jerked his thumb over his shoulder, “Everyone’s out back-!” You thanked him, and found yourself wandering around the outside of the massive guest house – you could already hear the sea and taste the salt in the air. Well if this wasn’t a place to die for, you weren’t sure what was. And Manny was right, you probably looked so out of your depth and also more than just a little lost because of course you didn’t recognise anyone, heck you didn’t even know what any of his family even looked like. So right now this felt like an extremely bad idea and part of you wanted to scramble back to your car and hide. Luckily, the man who invited you was also your saviour, and came racing across the dunes and grass just as you started to get funny looks. “Y/N!!” His yell of your name wasn’t exactly subtle either, almost like he was desperate to prove you existed. Danny’s sprint slowed to a jog, but he still grabbed you and you found yourself hoisted off the floor and into his arms. You laughed, and threw your own around him, glad to be reunited with the only person you knew so quickly. “Danny!” You squeezed him tight before he let you back to the floor, still holding you, “You got some explaining to do-!” “Eh, well, I…” He threw his arms wide, “I don’t think I could have accurately described it, you’d have needed to see it for yourself.” “I feel like I’m gonna be pretty underdressed.” You folded your arms, raising your eyebrows in significance, but Danny only scoffed; “Yeah, you’re talking to me, though. So don’t you worry about it.” He grinned, “Drink? In fact come with me…” He took your hand in his and your heartrate spiked, was he going for the ‘fake girlfriend’ thing? Because you weren’t sure you’d survive if he decided that meant he could kiss you. “I managed to wrangle you a good cabin, you’re not in three, and trust me you don’t want to be in three…” He led you into the house – and despite the breeze outside, the shade was cooling respite. “How was your trip?” Danny let your hand go and counted the keys hanging on the wall behind reception “AH, here’s you.” “It was a pretty good drive, yeah. How was yours?” He grimaced, “I mean it’s the bus right, how good can it be…” Then changed the subject, “Would you like a drink?” “Lemonade is fine.” He gave you a look that told you you could do better than that, “What?” “Lemonade?” “I said what I said.” He raised his eyebrows, “You know you don’t have to pay, right?” “I’ll drink enough tonight – thank you very much!” He smirked, “Well I’d hope so!” But then indicated over his shoulder, “Half of them are already plastered – you’re fine.” You scoffed, following him through into a quiet restaurant area; “I’d rather not be when I have to meet your parents for the first time.” Danny swept behind the bar, grabbing a glass and a bottle, and pouring; “You’re making this sound rather serious.” You spluttered, “You’re the one sweeping me off my feet and holding my hand.” His eyes held yours for significantly longer than they should have, inquisitive about your particular phrasing, and you felt yourself getting hot again. Considering Danny’s personality he didn’t push it, but you thought he might. Instead he crossed back to you and held your drink out; “Here.” He said gently, “Come on, I guess I better give you the tour and introduce you to some people before they think we’re up to something…” “Up to something?” You questioned before you could stop yourself, taking a sip – it was good lemonade and judging by the bottle he’d poured it from, homemade. “Yeah,” His smirk was back as he turned to you, “Making out or something…” Now he was just making you blush on purpose. You followed him back out into the hallway, and paused midway through your next sip, eyes flicking to the wall. You found yourself presented with many pictures of a family. His, you guessed. Very nearly floor to ceiling photographs, postcards and memorabilia; “Woah-!” You breathed, tracing over them again and again, before stepping forward to take a closer look at them. Danny brought himself closer to you, hands in his pockets. “OH yeah, that’s us.” He suddenly sounded very weary and you were sure he wasn’t about to want to start a conversation on this. But you were intrigued… and flicked from photograph to photograph before pointing at one in particular; “I assume that’s you?” “Uh huh.” Although he wore a slight grin, “Congratulations, Sherlock.” “Well.” You tapped the darker haired boy, “You could be that one.” “That’d be John.” “John.” You repeated, “John, Meg… Kevin?” and turned to him to check you were right, he nodded; “Sally and Robert.” “And Danny. I think he’s the most important.” You said it seriously, but he chuckled, “Aw’right, you’re good at this.” He nudged your arm, and for a moment turned slightly bashful. You didn’t think you’d seen a look like that on Danny before – and it surprised you, but you liked it. Suddenly you had yourself wondering how many times you could get something like that out of him this weekend. “And you grew up in this house?” “Yup.” He nodded, “I mean, I know what it looks like to you. You must wonder why I complain so much about it right?” His eyes moved over the wall, but you knew Danny wasn’t really looking at anything. “A little. But you have your reasons, you don’t need to tell me them. I believe you if you say you didn’t like it here.” His smile was thin, “Yeah. That’s an understatement…” Voice quiet as he sighed again, this time in discontent, before he took your hand back in his, eager to once again quickly change the subject; “Come on! No good staring at what they used to look like – you gotta meet ‘em as they are now!” But you pulled him back; “Danny – If I’m about to go meet them, you need to level with me here. You never really talk like you like them, I mean what do you want me to do!?” He sighed, looking back to the activities taking place outside; “I’m just… not my family’s biggest fan.” That much you knew, “So I’d quite like it if you didn’t tell me how brilliant you thought they all were… and, I guess I’d just like you to be careful around ‘em, and with what they say. They like being nice… My experience in this house just wasn’t.” You nodded, and squeezed his hand a little tighter to reassure him you’d do exactly that, “Okay. Well, I’m ready. Let’s meet ‘em.” Everything was okay until it came around to the ‘how did you meet’ question - because that wasn’t a story you were particularly fond of recalling, let alone telling anyone else about. Luckily you were a quick thinker and managed to spin another story of “meeting through friends” that wasn’t shy from the truth, but skirted it. Danny simply nodded along, but by the fourth asking of that question he’d adopted it as his own version of the truth. You seemed to have a good understanding – and knew each other well enough to play off yourselves. You supposed that looked like good chemistry to everyone else. John and his wife Diana were the nicest, Ben and Janey were their children and were also very sweet. You liked Meg and Marco, and Belle, and Sally also. At least Danny seemed to be surrounded by nice women – but you also remembered what he’d said and kept it at the forefront of your mind at all times. You trusted his judgement – and made sure to keep your hand in his as much as possible. Afterall, if he knew it or not, Danny was giving you your ultimate fantasy. But he knew who to bring you to – and what to say; he kept you comfortable, meaning you were warming to people, the situation, and dare you say actually having a great time. And he was laughing and happy, which you wanted to see most of all. However, you figured by time you all sat down for dinner the drinks he’d been bringing you were getting significantly stronger. And although you didn’t chide him for this, you knew one thing – it could go either way.

 *** You still felt a little lost, and maybe a little undeserving of being on the top table at dinner; but the girls made sure you were looked after, and Danny kept his arm around the back of your chair. All things considered, the earlier part of the evening played out smoothly, the speeches were short and polite with good natured jokes – and although you felt maybe there should be, with what Danny had been saying, the tension was low. You hoped it’d stay that way, because things seemed to be going good for him – considering the side you were coming to this from, that was all you really cared about. He noticed you were being careful with the drinking – but also that you’d started to get pretty giggly, and your face was a little flushed. That only made Danny smile as he got to watch you begin to relax around his family and be yourself; he’d never really thought about the potential of you actually getting together – but he found watching you now that it probably wouldn’t be such a bad thing. After all, he couldn’t think of anyone else ever that his family had approved of – just look at what they’d tried to do to Eve.

It therefore didn’t take long for him to coax you onto the dancefloor once they began to let the music play a little louder and everyone tried to claim their spots in the sand, beach bar in full flow. At first the dancing was good natured, you weren’t too close, about an appropriate gap between you, and all you wanted was a good time. You threw jokes between you and you got to hear him laugh more, and Danny when he really laughed was infectious; you could never help but to laugh along.

Standing to one side with mason jars (at this point you’d given up guessing what kind of alcohol, and how much you’d put in your system) Danny was a little closer, his arm across the part of the bar you were leaning your back against. Every so often his fingertips would brush your skin and your breathing would hitch; best believe he noticed that. And as you continued to talk and he leant in a little closer with every sentence, he began to formulate a plan in his head. John and Diana coming over to check on you provided him the perfect excuse to escape; and as he did so Danny’s lips brushed against your cheek. Were you a little more sober you’d have probably killed him right then and there; in your state, your string of words halted and your eyes flew wide. What the hell was he trying to do, kill you-!? When he came back your conversation was midflow; Danny wouldn’t have cared anyway but he cared even less now, taking your hand in his and tugging you. “Y/N! Lets go-!” “Wh- Go where?!” He tossed his head towards the ‘dancefloor’ “Come on!” “AGAIN-!?” You weren’t sure that was such a good idea, and you looked to John and Diana for help – none was really given, they were too busy laughing at you. “Yeah-! C’mon! I picked a song!” “You-?!” God, this can only end bad. You sighed “…Okay, okay…” But he barely gave you a chance to deposit your glass, before he was dragging you across the sand. Danny didn’t just want you to dance with him, though, Danny wanted close dancing. Pulling your hips to his, he kept his hands there and you blushed; “D-Danny!” “Hush, it’ll be okay. C’mon, dance with me.” You would protest that you already had, but your brain was just about fried, and you sighed instead, winding your arms around his neck. You bit your lip gently, dreading what song was going to start playing, and then almost laughed; “Luke Combs?!” “Something wrong with that-!?” “Lovin’ on you… Oh, God, okay-!” “Better not be anything wrong…” You didn’t realise it was possible for Danny to pull you closer, but he managed it, voice lowered to a growl against your ear that made you gasp. “No. It’s an interesting choice is all…” You swallowed hard; all too aware now of how much of him was pressed up against you; skin tingling at the feeling of him and his clothing. “Uh huh…” You noticed also that his hands were now a little more inappropriately placed as he swayed his hips with yours, and you were biting your lips harder, pushing your forehead against his as you moved your bodies in time with the music. His stare was a little intense but you were intoxicated by it, and if Danny was going to look at you that way, then you wanted his eyes on you all night. I like a Friday night slow ride, Brooks & Dunn B-side Hit rewind, spin it again. I like a strong shot of whiskey, the way a Marlboro hits me… It was unsurprising that Danny had also chosen this song for a reason, and you moved your hands from his neck, to his shoulders, sliding them to his biceps. You looked away from his eyes for a moment just to focus on anything these – the feel of him against you like this, and how you moved together perfectly. You couldn’t help your smile, and before long you were practically beaming. Wanting something like this wasn’t anything like it actually happening, but it could still have felt wrong. But it didn’t. It didn’t and you were elated - you didn’t miss his chuckle at watching you light up either. Danny’s hand moved up your back to hold you, so he could dip his head, kissing your cheek again, before pressing a couple into your neck. And this time when you gasped you did sound elated. But I’m in love, lovin’ on you I feel that rush soon as you walk in a room I can't get enough of you, honey, you're right on the money I'm a junkie for your midnight moves I'm in love, lovin' on you You could barely keep it together enough to nudge him, but the niggle of how appropriate this was when his parents, and siblings (not to mention God knows how many others he knew), were here at least was still screaming at the back of your brain. He pulled back, eyes questioning – you gave him a simple shake of your head, not a No just a Not Now - but the affirmation that you still wanted him had you holding him closer; the wind of your arms around him and the way you placed your head to his, the way Danny leant into you, his fingers gripping the fabric of your dress at least told you both one thing – maybe you were only half lying here. You weren’t together, but you probably both wanted to be. You had chemistry and you thought with the way you were dancing that didn’t just end with your personalities – but physical chemistry too. The song was ending, you knew that, but now your hands were on the collar of his shirt and as he pulled you to him once more you had to push up on your toes. His lips were on yours and the kiss was hard – hands moving from your back, up and into your hair just to keep you against him. But Danny needn’t have worried, you didn’t want to let him go. I can't get enough of you, honey, you're right on the money… I'm in love, lovin' on you 

 But then you couldn’t keep your hands off each other, and you ran hand in hand giggling from the party pretty soon after that. One kiss wasn’t enough, and you should have known that when you were pulling each other in, but over here it was quiet and dark and you didn’t think anyone from the party was going to come looking for you. Danny pushed you up against one of the palm trees, lips on yours, hands on your thighs and climbing, you wrapped your arms around his neck pulling him ever closer as you made out – you were pretty sure you’d have some interesting bruises along your jawline, neck and collar bone in the morning but you didn’t care. He raised your body, but still had you pinned, hands under your dress now and cupping your ass. You shivered against him, and weren’t sure it wasn’t in anticipation – although again, something in the back of your mind nagged you. Even when you were intent on sighing his name. “Come with me…” He whispered it, “Come back to my room, Y/N… Come on…” Your breath hitched again, and the sigh against his lips was low; “Danny…” “Come on… No-one’s gonna know, come with me… please…” He dropped you back to the floor, tugging your hand. “Danny I…” “-Or we can go to yours, I don’t have a preference, but God, Y/N, baby… I just… I need you-!” You had no doubt at that, you could feel him when he was this close. But fear sparked inside you – he needed you now when he was drunk and desperate, and he’d just called you “baby”. What if he or you woke up tomorrow in each other’s arms and declared it all a huge mistake. No, you wouldn’t let him break your heart that way. “Danny, no. No! Please! Stop-! Wait! Listen to yourself!” “What-!?” He looked the most confused you’d ever seen him, “Don’t you want me-!? Wh…Why-!?” “Danny… Danny…” You laced your fingers with his to convince him that you DID want him; “I do… you have no idea how much I want you – but we’re drunk, this is not gonna end well!” “W-I.. I don’t understand.” You pulled him back you your lips on his once more, “Of course I want you… But I want to know that we are not going to wake up in the morning and regret it.” “Regret it?” He repeated, and you watched his face change dramatically; it hit you a little late that this man had probably spent a fair portion of his life being told his wasn’t wanted, and regret was a staple word. Your eyes flicked back to the party - and you wondered how many of them were back there. You pulled Danny back, kissing him again before he had a chance to say anything else, and you held him there. You squeezed his hands tight, lips gentle and sweet as you kissed the tip of his nose, and finally his forehead before settling back in the sand. “…Danny…” You held his face in your hands, “Listen to me, I want this… like you want this… but I’m just a little scared of what might happen after it.” Then you hesitated before taking the same leap he just had, “Baby, clear your head…” then you brushed your lips to his again, “And then we can think about meeting in your room.” You stepped back a few paces, holding his gaze to make sure he hadn’t misunderstood you. It was a long pause, but finally he blinked and like a shot of clarity, he nodded. And you knew Danny did understand (although he probably wouldn’t want to wait too long). You said goodnight and turned to walk back to your cabin, with him watching you go – but you didn’t get very far before you raced back, grabbing him into one last hot kiss. This time when you stepped back he was biting his lip; and those dark rimmed eyes were threatening to get the better of you again. You lowered your gaze, blushing, and this time when you said goodnight it was timid. And you knew as you turned away from him this time, that you’d just left a triumphant smirk on Danny Rayburn’s face.

*** You had a coffee in your hand as you opened up the door to your cabin the morning after the party – it had been a heavy night, but you didn’t feel too bad – you’d got out of dodge when you knew it was starting to get messy. You’d left Danny with nothing more than a (possibly) alcohol fuelled goodnight kiss, luckily you’d been just about sober enough to stop it from becoming anything else. But that man was temptation – and now he knew it. And he also knew you wanted to act on it now, which was even more dangerous. You wrapped yourself in a shawl - dark blue and white tie dye - it wasn’t particularly cold but the breeze off the sea gave the air a little chill, and you wanted to sit out with your coffee this morning. Although as you looked out on the horizon you didn’t even get to take a sip. But instead of standing around staring like everyone else, you immediately turned around and ran back inside. Danny Rayburn was lying on his front out on their pier. You assumed conscious, and sleeping – but judging by everything else rough night didn’t even cover it. He was naked; and even from all the way over here you could trace the curvature of his spine, and the definition of his muscles. He had strong arms and strong calves. You bit your lip gently; that brag of ‘strongest swimmer in the Keys’ probably wasn’t too far off the truth – you appreciated that Danny was an older guy, but he was toned and built well; you couldn’t fault that. You tore your eyes from him and looked back to the house, the crowd was only getting bigger; and now his mother was out on the grass. You found yourself glaring at them, immediately feeling for him; Oh yeah, like you haven’t had rough evenings where you wake up not knowing how the hell anything happened. You didn’t like that they were all clearly gossiping too – and you pushed yourself from the steps and across the sand. Oh, Danny… You almost ran the whole distance, hopping up onto the pier – he was at least breathing, you could tell that much. “Danny…” Your voice was gentle, “Danny…” You crouched first, then stretched your legs out, brushing your hand over his shoulder gently; “…Danny… are you awake?” “MMmmmm…” It wasn’t really a yes - more a grumpy noise to let you know he wasn’t a fan of being woken up at all. You pulled your shawl from around yourself and covered his body strategically – you weren’t about to give them something to keep talking about. You kept your hand on his shoulder for a minute. He wasn’t as cold as you were – sun already working on removing the chill from his body. You scanned the dunes for his clothes – but nothing, you’d worry more about that later. “Don’t move… you don’t have to move…” You ran a hand through his hair, tacky like he’d been swimming, and kept your voice low and gentle; “…Just let yourself wake up…” You wanted to, badly, but didn’t end up shooting a look back to the house. This was about you and him. Laying down on the pier on your back you sighed, and propped the bottle of water between you, and the pill packet. Danny shuffled around, groggily, attempting to push himself up onto his hands. You reached out to touch his arm; “No… No, no, just lie there… drink that, take this! Trust me you’ll feel better.” “Mhm.” He still wasn’t quite to full words, but fell back onto his front, twisting his head to you, before opening his eyes. You continued to look at the sky, trying not to blush at the thought that all that really separated you from his body was a thin rectangle of tie-dye fabric. It took Danny a few attempts to speak, but he finally croaked out a single word; “Why?” “Hush. And take your pill – drink too…” You looked across to him, “Your voice seems a little dry.” “Haha.” Although his laugh seemed to turn into a coughing fit “Okay, I deserved that.” You smiled, “Keep still. It’ll be okay…” This is really not comfortable…” He grumbled, “I’m just gonna…” Several joints clicked as he rolled onto his side, pulling your shawl with him and then onto his back, tying it around his waist like a towel. You chuckled, placing your hands behind your head and closing your eyes as he sighed gently, “That’s better…”

Danny watched you curiously – you’d left that question unanswered, and it was an answer he wanted to know. Last night was cloudy, but he remembered the feel of your body against his, the taste of your lips. How he wanted more than anything to pull you upstairs, or for you to pull him to your cabin. How you were far too sensible for that; but still might have given in if you were a little more drunk. Maybe it was best you weren’t though – Danny didn’t want you to wake up and regret him. He breathed out rather suddenly, finding that thinking about you was making heat rush to places that he’d rather it didn’t when he was essentially wearing nothing. He shuffled again, wondering how he was supposed to live this down – and glanced back to you; against his own advice, his eyes traced your body. Fuck! Danny! Stop! Don’t be a fucking idiot! You cracked open an eye and looked back to him; “If you tie it between your legs and around it’ll look a little like shorts, which’ll do before we can get you back to the house.” “You’ve done this before right?!” You grinned, “I’m just trying to help you.” “Uh huh…” he pulled his legs up and did as you’d said. Okay, very loose-fitting shorts, but he got the gist. And you were right, it would work. Danny smiled; “You’re really something you know?” Then smirked – and you flushed again before he’d even said anything; “But I wasn’t exactly hoping this was how you’d see me naked for the first time.” You very nearly choked; “Well, you were on your front so I…” “I can take this off if you’d rather.” “DANNY-!” You covered your face, but you knew it was already too late, you were bright red. He laughed – that clear bright loud laugh he had that you liked hearing so much. “Just shut up and drink your water!” “Well, can I sit up to do that, I don’t fancy taking a pill whilst lying on my back…” You pulled yourself up and held your hand out for his; “You gonna be okay doing that?” “I think…” But Danny let you help him upright – and then steady him; “God, that musta been really… really rough. Damn, I’m sorry.” “I had a good time…” You assured him gently, and rubbed his arm, “Don’t you worry…”

He picked up the bottle and sat in silence for a moment to take the medication, and you continued to rub his arm. You focused on his face, how the sun had brought out the freckles on his face and was highlighting the blue in his eyes. That blue was always so gorgeous, but against the backdrop of the sea in this sunlight it was something almost indescribable. You’d fallen for Danny a long time ago, you knew, all that desperate flirting – the way he’d tell you no one was good enough for you. Friendly but not friends, not friends enough to think you were going to ruin anything by making a move. And hadn’t the moves already been made last night? You wanted to call him yours, you wanted him to call you ‘mine’. Danny very nearly finished the water before he placed it back down on the wooden decking. And again sat for a moment in contemplation, knees up, resting his arms across them, chin on his arms - before taking a deep breath and turning back to you. He’d attempt that all important question one last time; “Why are you taking care of me!?” You smiled; “When I was younger I’d come home in any state, sleep on the couch… my dad always had a feel good pill and a bottle of water for me…” He wasn’t sure that was exactly the answer he was looking for, or a real answer. But then you tilted your head and your little smile grew; “I like you, Danny! It pays to be a nice person… Doesn’t it?” He stared at you, thinking like barely covered it – before laying his hand over yours, still resting on his arm. “Y/N… I…” He thought about hesitating, but you were both leaning into each other. You were aware you still had a small audience, but all you could really think was fuck them! Your lips touched, and you closed your eyes, grasping him tighter – a hangover kiss as a hangover cure? But sober, this wasn’t happening because alcohol was influencing it. You didn’t want to let go, and you didn’t want Danny to stop kissing you and soon his hands were in your hair and all you could think about was him pushing up against you the night previous. His sharp intake of breath told you that you weren’t the only one thinking it and he pulled away with a bashful laugh. “Geez, I’m sorry…” But you couldn’t help but giggle along, blush dusting your cheeks as your attempted to his in his arm; “It’s… okay. You’re not the only one.” That had him smirking again, which was exactly what you wanted “Ah, I bet not.” Your eyes met once more, and you had a funny feeling that you weren’t going to get away with staying out of his room for much longer... But you might just let him steal your heart.

---

Thanks for Reading! 

@happyskywhale @wltz-bby #MendoTagSquad

@sufferthesea​ Happy 25th Birthday sweetie! 💜💙😘

[badbackgroundscience]

Science of “The Seven”

I watched Amazon’s The Boys this week. So instead of the usual 60′s Marvel fare, here’s some tangential science relating to the superpowers featured in the show:

1. Homelander can’t see through zinc.

This is obviously a play on Superman not being able to see through lead, but the switch brings up some problems with the physics involved. X-rays - light with wavelengths ranging between 0.01 and 10 nm* - can’t travel through a lump of lead because lead is super dense. It’s nearly the heaviest non-radioactive element, with (usually) 208 protons+neutrons and 82 electrons. And its atoms pack very closely together.**

Combining that density with the fact that lead atoms are also very good at attenuating x-ray light (meaning the amount of x-ray photons that can penetrate a certain thickness of lead drops exponentially as that thickness increases), it makes sense that Superman’s x-ray vision’s weakness is lead.

But zinc is a smaller atom (usually 64 protons+neutrons and 30 electrons) and its atoms don’t pack as tightly; it’s about 1.5 times less dense than lead. It’s X-ray attenuation is generally lower, but not too different, from lead (compare this graph vs this one). Together, this makes it easier for x-rays to penetrate zinc than lead.

So why can’t Homelander see through zinc, but (supposedly) see through lead? It could be that the x-rays he emits correspond to a wavelength that zinc absorbs more than lead does. Annoyingly, the absorption spectra I can find all seem to be dealing with zinc compounds (e.g. ZnO, ZnS) instead of pure zinc metal. So I can’t tell you exactly what wavelength that would need to be.

Sorry.***

2. The Deep has torso gills

Fish are ectotherms, meaning their body temperature is regulated by their environment. Mammals - including cetaceans (i.e. whales, porpoises, and dolphins) - are endotherms. We generate our own body heat. Kevin presumably does, too.

This means that a man needs more oxygen than a man-sized fish does. About 15 times the oxygen, in fact. It’s the gills’ job to extract oxygen from water and pump it into the fish’s bloodstream; bigger fish have bigger gills, but a 75-kg man needs gills 15 times the size of a 75-kg fish’s. Not necessarily in length, but in collection area. And that’s assuming you’re not doing any physical activity that ups your oxygen requirements.

But on top of that, oxygen is far less abundant in water than it is in air - about 20 times less for the same volume. If an average human needs a quart**** of oxygen per minute, their gills would need to strain 51 gallons of water every minute to meet that requirement.

Combining these two factors, designer and material scientist-dabbler Jun Kamei is developing a set of artificial gills, and claims the final device will have a surface area of 32 square meters (344 square feet).

The human lung surface area is somewhere around 75 square meter range, so if you’ve got gills that can pack as efficiently as lungs do, you probably could fit them into your abdomen. Maybe not Chase Crawford’s abdomen, but a stockier human’s abdomen.

The real problem here is that Kevin’s doing himself no favors by covering the gills up while he’s underwater. Water rushing through the gills is the whole point, and you’ve just made it 1000% harder.

3. A-Train (and Popclaw) booms and bu(r)sts

According to the race announcer that one episode, A-Train can reach speeds over 1000 miles per hour. Assuming that’s true and not a horrible exaggeration, as soon as he passes the speed of sound (767 mph at sea level), A-Train would create sonic booms. Not a single boom. Constant booms for as long as he’s going fast enough. You (as a single individual) only hear one, but that’s only because you’re not moving.

We never see him do this, so we must conclude he’s not a complete idiot and only goes this fast when he’s far away from people and architecture. (If I read the screen right, he only clocks in at 371 in his race.)

As for the secret girlfriend he murdered, there are several species of amphibians that can stick their own bones out through their skin to use as weapons. For example, species of frog within the genus Astylosternus, and Trichobatrachus robustus (aka the hairy frog). The Spanish ribbed newt can push its ribs out through its torso; when threatened, its skin also secrets poison, turning its bones into poisonous barbs.*****

4. Translucent isn’t see-through. He’s see-around.

As the man explains to Jimmy the late night host (No, not that Jimmy the late night host...the other Jimmy the late night host), his skin can convert at will to a “carbon metamaterial” that bends light around it. 

We don’t know if there are other elements involved besides carbon, but if there aren’t, the real-world comparison is graphene -- an atom-thick layer of carbon atoms bonded to each other forming a honeycomb pattern.

Given its thickness, it’s translucent itself. [Side note: yes, “translucent” doesn’t mean invisible. However, some dictionaries (e.g. Merriam Webster and the OED) include alternative definitions identical to "transparent"...which goes against everything I ever learned. But either way, he actually is translucent when he isn’t “translucent”. Because human skin is translucent, assuming there isn’t too much melanin in it.]

A 2D sheet of graphene has a breaking strength of 42 Pa (0.0061 psi). That number seems super small, but it's actually reflecting the strongest material we know of. You'd need 4,300 pounds balanced on a pencil (pointy end on the graphene) to break through that atom-thick sheet.

Alternatively, if I did my back-of-the-envelope math right, you’d need a 50 gram .50-cal bullet traveling at ~770,000 mph (and coming to a stop in ~1 millisecond). Now, the human epidermis averages ~1mm thick. That's 3 million layers of graphene. 

However, if you manage to put a crack into your graphene, it becomes brittle on par with a ceramic.`*

As for being able to electrocute Translucent because carbon is “highly conductive”, graphene is indeed so; however, other carbon compounds aren't (e.g. diamonds). It all depends on the positioning of electrons within the solid (moving electrons = flowing charge). Since we don’t know what Translucent’s metamaterial is, we’ll have to take the show at its word.

Though here’s some bonus info: metamaterials are all synthetic. Which would mean that Translucent had this skin installed somehow. Or, it’s a very subtle dig at Compound V being used to create superheroes that only I caught.

The one thing that the season left bugging me about Translucent was his eyeballs. Somehow those are see-through.

5. Starlight pushes it real good

Our newest member of the Seven can use concentrated light to knock baddies off their feet, as well as throw them several meters back. This is an exaggerated form of reality. Light can actually push stuff. 

Photons do exert a teeny tiny amount of pressure on whatever they hit. It’s called radiation pressure. The amount is sufficient for something like a solar sail (The above image is LightSail 2), but not wiping the floor with a criminal.

According to (more) envelope math, Starlight would need to emit ~30 PetaWatts to deliver a good boxer-level punch to a baddie standing ~2 meters away. That's the equivalent amount of energy released by 7.2 million tons of TNT exploding, in 1 second. 

Also, given the color of the light she emits, she’s probably emitting a spectrum identical to our Sun, meaning she’s emitting a ton of light that normally gets blocked by our atmosphere, including x-rays and ultraviolet radiation.

She’s definitely given someone a melanoma at some point during her life. Or at least a very bad sunburn.

Bonus: Ice Princess shatters wangs

Final back-of-the-envelope math, calculating how fast that guy's (presumably erect) penis would freeze being enveloped by an ice vagina at -346 °F (-210 °C). A combination of calculating the heat lost per second via conduction, and the amount of energy lost as body-temp water cools and converts to ice.

Came out to 0.1 seconds. 

Faster than I expected...

_______________________________________________________________________

* Visible light is ~400-700 nm

** There are several (nonradioactive) metals more dense than lead, but more rare/expensive, like gold and iridium. 

*** Also, brass can be up to 45% zinc. Does that mean Homelander can only sort of see through brass?

**** Get out of here with your imperial units, self...

***** Fun fact: it can regenerate lost limbs, heart tissue, brain cells, and its spinal cord

`* Butt cracks don’t count.

_______________________________________________________________________

Image credits:

Zinc - CC BY 3.0

gills By Chris 73, CC BY-SA 3.0

frog claws from Barej et al 2010

sonic boom By I, Melamed katz, CC BY-SA 3.0

graphene By U.S. Army Materiel Command, CC BY 2.0

lightsail 2 By Josh Spradling / The Planetary Society CC BY-SA 3.0

ice by Ian Mackenzie CC BY 2.0

[annakie]

Continued Notes on a Blog Cleanup

I started doing this a couple of weeks ago, I’m still doing it even though I’ve now passed the place I was trying to get to to find a thing awhile ago.  

But now I’m in March of 2013, closing in on two years of blog cleaned up.

I’m on page 1811 of 2968 (working backwards) with 15 posts per page.  My guesstimates are that since I started posting the blog cleanup I’ve generated about 100 posts, that’s probably a little on the low side, but it’s a workable number.  When I started I had 3021 pages of blog, so adding in about 7 more pages worth of blogs since then, that means I’ve deleted about 60 pages worth of my bog, or somewhere around 900 posts.

Sounds about right.

Anyway, here’s a bunch more thoughts on tumblr in general, this blog cleanup, and a Doctor Who Nostalgia Rewatch.

What’s crazy is that about 1/3rd of my entire blog was done in the first 18 months of its creation.  It’s now over 8 years old, but I hit the 2000th page back around November 2012, when the blog was made in May, 2011.  

I’m just now getting to the point in the blog where I kept a pretty full and steady queue in the first few months of 2013, so things move faster now instead of like 100 posts per day untagged like the early days.  And I didn’t post at all for most of the last couple of months of 2017 and early 2018 so, there’s a few-months gap there, eventually. But I figure... why stop the nostalgia tour now.  Mostly because I’m finding things I want to organize better.  I’m also finding a lot of  edits or personal posts I made and didn’t tag properly in the time period I’m covering right now. 

When all this is done, I’ll probably do a mass blog export again, now that I’m happier with the contents.  Tumblr ain’t gonna be around forever, y’all.

Still, deleting a lot of stuff.  Posts are being deleted for

Being out of date, like “Hey this game is on sale, go buy it!” or “SIGN THIS PETITION AGAINST CISPA!” or “The new season of Parks and Rec starts September 23rd" (of 2013 or whatever).  

Sometimes for being a reblog of a thing that I only marginally ever cared about and no longer do at all.  

Things that have now been proven false, or false alarms, or things we no longer have to worry about for whatever reason.  

“Hoooo boy it’s 2019 and now THAT sure turned out to be a bad take!” (”Guys, this new show called House of Cards is on!  It stars the AMAZING KEVIN SPACEY, I LOVE HIM!”  OK that wasn’t verbatim but close, and Yikes.)

Still, the cringiest of the cringe.  But there’s a lot less of that now, which is nice.  I at some point over the beginning of 2013 started doing a lot more tagging of my own posts so the tags are a much nicer place to look than some of the terrible other-people’s tags.  Although I’m still only tagging at like 60 - 70% of the time.

Observations:

What takes the longest is adding tags to posts.  So for the most part tags are only getting added to things I made.  About 45% of which are personal posts, and about 45% of which are mass effect creations posts, so far.  About 10% are things I think I may want to find again someday, though a lot of those things are being put in the “reblogging really old stuff” queue.

The blog is like, 30% Doctor Who, 40% Mass Effect and 30% Psych/Elementary/Leverage/Misc now.  It’s better.

I JUST started getting really to the part where I contributed a little more to the ME/DW fandoms besides yelling at hate-taggers.  Still.  Mid-2013 me is still doing that on occasion.  Although now it’s sometimes about Kaidan Alenko instead of just Martha Jones.  I’m still kind of torn about how I feel about all that now.  I’d say that it’s funny how there doesn’t seem to be a lot of it on tumblr these days.  Now it feels like we all have more important things to fight about.  Also, tumblr is, you know, on life support.

It feels like my blog liked and watched Supernatural longer than I did in reality?  It felt like a short flirtation to me, there continues to be supernatural content on my blog for over a year now.  Pretty sure I stopped watching mid-season 9 so maybe that’ll stop soon.  Still, way less than the general population of tumblr it felt like at the time.

People with names like 221BTardisImpala really were the worst about tagging their hate and other stupid stuff.

I’d somehow forgotten about that terrible, gross post twisting Kaidan into an “abuser” for stupid stuff like “He brought a bottle of alcohol (you know, the one Shepard bought him?) to Shepard’s quarters!” and “He did a bad thing at 17!” (and clearly the person we are at 17 is the same person he was at 34.) and and just the most asinine reasoning applied, and tagged.   The whole “I gotta tear down characters other people like to make my fave the REAL WINNER” is just... ugh.  I got back to that post and honestly, am still thinking I should have deleted the whole thing.

I’ve picked another few tags on controversial characters that I love like Jacob Taylor and scrolled through, and like I posted earlier about Martha Jones, hate tagging in general seems to just... not happen that much anymore, even after scrolling back a year or two in those tags.  That makes tumblr a nicer place to be. I know we still see the occasional like, shitty shakarian shipper in the Kaidan Alenko tag (and again, that is a very small % of overall shakarian shippers) but it’s nothing like what it used to be.

It won’t be long until the WTNV explosion happens on tumblr, or maybe it had already started at this point.  It took me a few months to catch on.  And then I’m gonna listen to it and love it, and ask for rec’s for more podcasts, then I’m gonna get into Thrilling Adventure Hour and the blog is gonna become a much more positive place.  Looking forward to getting to all that.

Does anyone know if there’s a theme or script that lets you add tags from your dash or main blog page without editing a post?  I’d go back and do this again to tag some more good reblogged posts, I think.  I’d probably have also deleted more stuff if I could have done it from my blog without going into editing. :p

Seriously though, tumblr feels like such a different place now.  It’s... quieter.  It feels almost like empty nest syndrome around here.  Or maybe I’m just curating my own experience so much better.  But again, when I do go look at other people’s blogs from posts I’ve reblogged, like almost none of them are still active.  Although it’s also surprising the number that died just like, in the last year.

Another interesting thing has been... watching the rise and fall of a personal friendship through the first few years of the blog.  Back then there were a few people who I was really close to, mostly online.  I can feel the main friendship I had with that person slipping away as their life changed significantly starting the previous few months from where I am in that blog.  And honestly, I did my own part of leaving them behind when I gained a whole new group of close friends from TAH.  We’re still like, facebook friends, but it’s a reminder of how fluid online friendships can be.  

Doctor Who Rewatch Thoughts:

I am going to catch up on my blog before I run out of Doctor Who to watch, I think.  Considering things are starting to take a lot less “grooming” now on the cleanup.

I’m now about to embark on Silence in the Library.  Am I ready to see River Song die again?  No.  I am not.  This will be the first time I watch these episodes in years, probably since Matt Smith was around?  Definitely since The Husbands of River Song.  This... will be difficult.

Hoo boy Voyage of the Damned was bad, I’d forgotten how bad.  Not Fear Her bad but, pretty bad. Though I was amused that there was a character named Foon.  For some reason that word had always triggered something in my mind when they called the world that on Hello From the Magic Tavern and now I know why.

Martha Jones, still awesome in Season 4.  Donna Noble shines brightly.  Although I’d forgotten how much weaker the first half of her season is than the very good second half.

That was the first time I’d watched The Fires of Pompeii since Capaldi took over.  Funnily, I felt like his character got more Twelve-Like as the episode went on somehow.  The long scene between just Ten and Capladi’s character was neat to watch in retrospective.

[baddieromanova]

I had been deliberating on saying anything about this since the episode aired. Originally I decided not to speak any further on the events of 3x18 because well, it’s pointless and I’ve said before that complaining about any form of bad writing on Riverdale is like complaining about bad weather in the UK; It’s bound to happen, it’s a regular occurrence, everybody is well aware of this. Deal with it and move on because nobody wants to you complain about weather conditions we’re all aware of and used to anyway. I wake up every morning expecting shit weather and carry an umbrella and jacket everywhere I go, even in warm weather because I’ve learnt to accept that it will most likely rain or be a very cold day, just like many Riverdale viewers have learnt to accept that the show is poorly written, just packed to the brim with many forms and instances of poor writing from character regression, to diminishing a character’s role and purpose to advance another characters arc, to plot holes and inconsistencies that make no sense, to throwing anything at wall to see if it sticks, this shows writing is atrocious to say the least. 

However, I’ve seen a lot said on what happened between Alice and Betty in this episode that’s made me want to repeatedly bash my head into a desk. I can’t quite believe the naivety of some of the people in this fandom who still refuse to acknowledge the way in which the writers operate when it comes to their many instances and forms of poor writing. I really thought FP being made 50 overnight (An example of them throwing anything at the wall to see if it sticks) despite the fact that canon literally points to all of the parents that appeared in the Midnight Club being between the ages of 42 and 45 would’ve really woken people up but I was wrong I guess, but regardless of that, one of the more prominent forms of bad writing the Riverdale writers are consistently guilty of is obsessing over Betty to the point where they have no problem rewriting other character’s, regressing them or diminishing their role, arcs or purpose to the show in order to have her drive plots and placed at the centre of them. It’s not the first time it’s happened and it won’t be the last. 

Examples I hear you ask? Take season one and Jason Blossom’s murder for instance. If anybody should have been investigating that murder it should have been Cheryl, seeing as it was her twin that was murdered, and her own parents were suspects.(That wasn’t ever implied on the show but there was general consensus among the fandom that Penelope of Clifford were the culprits) Except, 80% of Cheryl’s arc that season was more about depicting her as a one dimensional bitchy cheerleader antagonist while the other 20% was her grief handled in brief moments and her suicide attempt that was done for nothing more than sensationalism and handled poorly, and the one time we see her actively going out of her way to find her brothers killer was twisted into her picking on Betty. For season two, Archie was on the receiving end of this bullshit writing. Now with my previous statement on Cheryl, I guess it could be argued that she isn’t a part of the “main four” so having her investigate the seasons big plot doesn’t exactly make sense, however, this doesn’t apply here with Archie seeing as her literally the shows main character so having him investigate a huge mystery makes perfect sense. He is the one character who should’ve been at the centre of the Black Hood mystery, especially seeing as his father was the first victim, however the plot randomly shifted to being about Betty while Archie was turned into a completely intolerable person that season, doing more out of character things and being more concerned with being one of Hiram’s junior henchmen. That whole drive he had for stopping the Black Hood and getting justice for his Dad disappeared while Betty was collecting hero points for unmasking who she should’ve figured out was her Father, speaking of her Father, this is the very reason Hal was written as the Black Hood in the first place. We all know Hal wasn’t who the writers intended for the Black Hood but of course, they needed Betty at the centre of the plot.

And who’s the scapegoat this season? Alice. Alice’s character has been turned upside down and written as somebody completely different, committing acts and behaving in ways she would never have done in prior seasons, she is completely out of character and there are instances on the show that support that, for example, giving away what I believe was Betty’s college fund to help Edgar buy SOQM? (I never watched that episode, I’m just going by what I’ve heard) she wouldn’t have even thought of doing that last season seeing as Betty going to college has always been very important to her, heck, this very show opened up with Alice telling Betty about the importance of staying focused and engaging in extra curricular activities to ensure her chances of getting into college, she reiterated on not wanting Betty to allow anything to destroy that, and she would’ve never done that herself.

Everything revolving around this poorly depicted farm/cult story line has been about Betty, not Alice, or even any other character involved with the farm. Every scene Alice has had relating to the farm or that damn Edgar has been about Betty finding out more information about their whole movement, something serious happening forcing Betty to take matters into her own hands, giving Betty more reason to investigate the place or allowing Betty to counter attack anything Alice says or just berate the farm and Edgar or Evelyn in general. This plot has never been about Alice finding peace and solace or dealing with her inner pain and the events of last season. If it was, it would not have taken 17 episodes for us to learn why she was so obsessed with the farm to begin with, and even that we found out through Betty. All in all, it’s just been another investigation for Betty to be placed at the centre of forcing her to become chief detective and save the day. I mean, if it’s not her own family members being sucked into it what reason does she have to investigate? This argument of characters involvement with the farm being more about advancing Betty’s plots could also apply to Kevin. One day he’s being treated as a background character and walking GBF trope, as usual, the next, we find out through Betty that he’s befriended Evelyn and become a junior farm recruiter. We’re given no explanation nor is it even implied as to why he’s joined but I guess having one of Betty’s friends be a part of the farm is supposed to fuel her fire for investigating it further. 

Another form of bad writing that contributes to Alice’s poor characterisation and the response to it is the writers inability to depict and tackle serious issues in the right way. The writers have made it clear that portraying how cults and their leaders operate and groom vulnerable individuals and having the audience at least understand Alice’s behaviour and reasoning's behind her obsession with the farm and actions in general or even any other character involved with the farm, isn’t a priority for them. If the seriousness of cults and how they prey on emotionally vulnerable people, exploit their pain and poor mental states and manipulate their victims was approached properly, there’d be much less outrage and more understanding, with efficient criticism and justified disappointment in her character and hope for development in season four that involves rebuilding her relationship with Betty and reflecting on her actions, rather than just simply calling her a bitch or a cunt or any of the colourful along with misogynistic insults I’ve seen flung at Alice this week. 

And regarding Alice’s parenting, which has definitely been an ongoing debate, I’m over it and refuse to speak on it any further, I will say this though: It doesn’t apply here and the farm story line shouldn’t be used to advance that argument to begin with seeing as she is completely out of character at the moment, regardless of everyone’s thoughts on Alice’s parenting in general, none of her behaviour this season involving the cult should be used to support anyone’s arguments on it seeing as she’s not even herself and she would never do any of it if she hadn’t been groomed by a cult. Overall. nobody is justifying or excusing Alice’s actions here, trust me, as an Alice stan, I hate this version of her as do others and it’s difficult to watch, however, I, as well as others are well aware of the deliberate temporary character assassination that’s being dismissed by the fandom because of their blindness to the writers reliance on Betty to drive plots, along with that, we’re also well aware of the writers being incapable of depicting cult recruitment, grooming and manipulation properly, hence why it’s difficult for the general audience to at least understand Alice and not just brush her behaviour off as being a terrible person in general. If this show was written better we’d have a more in depth exploration into how cults operate and Alice’s motives but sadly we’re served with one character and their detective skills being explored instead. Furthermore, the following season will open up as if nothing has happened and will refuse to deal with any emotional fallout, which is why the fandom’s anger on the Alice and Betty situation in this weeks episode is senseless

[patriotsnet]

Why Do Republicans Stand Behind Trump

New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/why-do-republicans-stand-behind-trump/

Why Do Republicans Stand Behind Trump

Senate Republicans Are Not Going To Convict Trump

Donald Trump: Some Republicans did not honor their pledge to stand behind Trump

It is not likely there are enough votes to convict Trump. President Biden himself said in an interview on January 25 that Democrats did not have the votes in the Senate to convict Trump. Even though Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell said he was not sure how he would vote, signalling the first significant break between Trump and the most powerful Republican in the Senate, he and 45 Republican senators voted on January 26 in favour of a motion proposed by Kentucky Senator Rand Paul to dismiss the impeachment trial. The strategy behind this motion was to question the constitutionality of convicting a former president, another first in American history. Only five Republicans opposed the measure. This is the most glaring indication that nowhere close to 17 Republicans will vote with the Democrats to convict the former president.

Moreover, Trump has threatened political retribution against those GOP members of Congress who support impeachment. The Wall Street Journal reported that Trump and his closest aides were in discussions about creating a new Patriot Party to challenge Republican candidates. However, Trump recently disavowed these reports and reassured Senate Republicans. Republican Senator Kevin Cramer of North Dakota relayed to Politico that The president wanted me to know, as well as a handful of others, that the president is a Republican, he is not starting a third party and that anything he would do politically in the future would be as a Republican.

The Partys Core Activists Dont Want To Shift Gears

This is the simplest and most obvious explanation: The GOP isnt changing directions because the people driving the car dont want to.;

When we think of Republicans, we tend to think of either rank-and-file GOP voters or the partys highest-profile elected officials, particularly its leaders in Congress. But in many ways, the partys direction is driven by a group between those two: conservative organizations like Club for Growth and the Heritage Foundation, GOP officials at the local and state level and right-wing media outlets. That segment of the party has been especially resistant to the GOP abandoning its current mix of tax cuts for the wealthy and corporations, opposition to expansions of programs that benefit the poor and an identity politics that centers white Americans and conservative Christians.

You could see the power and preferences of this group in the response to the Capitol insurrection.

In the days immediately following Jan. 6, many GOP elected officials, most notably McConnell, signaled that the party should make a permanent break from Trump. Pollsfound an increased number of rank-and-file GOP voters were dissatisfied with the outgoing president. But by the time the Senate held its trial over Trumps actions a month later, it was clear that the party was basically back in line with Trump.;

related:Why Being Anti-Media Is Now Part Of The GOP Identity Read more. »

Trump Breaks Silence With Cpac Speech

Most notably, these state and local parties launched a barrage of censures or other forms of condemnation not long after a violent pro-Trump mob inspired by the former presidents lie about a stolen election and egged on that day by Trump himself stormed the Capitol intent on disrupting Congress as it formalized President Joe Bidens win. Many of the efforts were aimed at the small number of Republicans who voted in favor of impeachment or conviction after House Democrats moved swiftly to impeach Trump on the charge of “incitement to insurrection.”

In Louisiana, the state GOP censured one of its U.S. senators, Bill Cassidy, moments after he voted to convict Trump. North Carolina’s state GOP passed a similar measure aimed at Sen. Richard Burr just days later.

In Illinois, Larry Smith, chair of the LaSalle County Republican Party and a leader in the effort to censure Rep. Adam Kinzinger after he voted to impeach Trump, told NBC News that local GOP leaders in his state are overwhelmingly still pro-Trump, and that the detractors amount to a splinter group by comparison.

I think they’re stunningly naive or have completely misread the tea leaves, he said of Republicans who believe they can leave Trump behind.

He pointed to comments from Kinzinger in The Atlantic in which the lawmaker expressed hope that the segment of the GOP base ready to move past Trump could grow to 35 or 45 percent by the midterm elections.

Read Also: What Cities Are Run By Republicans

Why Dont Republicans Stand Up To Trump Heres The Answer

Rep. Mark Sanford

If youre still flummoxed by the abject servility of congressional Republicans, by their refusal to confront Trump and stand up for American values, check out last nights primary election in South Carolina. The purging of Mark Sanford says it all.

Sanford is a long-serving conservative lawmaker who typically votes with his party, but on a few public occasions, he has actually dared to suggest that Trump is not the supreme very stable genius that the deluded Republican base deems Trump to be. The result: Sanford loses his job.

For the inexcusable sin of speaking his mind about factual reality, the Republican base voters in Sanfords House district threw him out last night, handing the GOP nomination to a far-right Trumper who repeatedly denounced Sanford as disloyal.

This is why rank-and-file Republican lawmakers refuse to speak out. Theyre afraid of their own constituents. Its Trumps party now, and the constituents in red districts virtually worship the guy. Forget about putting country over party, because its actually worse than that. Sanfords colleagues wont put country over career. Theyll vow that what just happened to Sanford will not happen to them.

As conservative commentator Erick Erickson said today, Mark Sanford losing in South Carolina is pretty much proof positive that the GOP is not really a conservative party that cares about limited government. It is now fully a cult of personality.

I stand by every word.

Why Do Republicans Continue To Support Trump Despite Years Of Scandal

It was late September last year when a whistleblower complaint revealed that President Trump had tried to force the Ukrainian government to investigate Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden. Within moments the scandal captured headlines. What followed was months of back and forth as Republicans supported the president while the Democrats used their political capital to get him impeached.

But this was not the first time ;;or the last time ;the president was caught in the middle of a scandal.;Since the impeachment trial that followed the Ukraine incident, episodes from The New York Times uncovering unsavory details from President Trumps tax returns, to his questionable dismissal of multiple Inspectors General, to his refusal to clearly condemn white supremacists have all sparked widespread media attention and partisan fighting in 2020.;

Although with his polls dropping, some Republicans may finally be distancing themselves from the President, the question has been regularly asked the past four years: why do the Republicans continue to support the President despite these troubling charges being leveled at him? And, what is it that the Democrats stand to gain from repeated allegations?

;In addition to demonstrating how polarization accelerates scandals, the paper also found that:;

Read Also: Which Republicans Voted To Impeach Trump Today

Trump Is Still A Force In The Party

After the 2012 elections, prominent Republicans sharply criticized Mitt Romney and his campaign. Democrats did the same to Hillary Clinton after 2016 and sometimes included former President Barack Obama in their criticisms, too. For a political party to change direction, it nearly always has to distance itself from past leaders.;

Or put another way: For there to be an autopsy, there has to be a dead body.

Republicans’ Choice: Stand With Trump Or Risk His Wrath

Trump has already informed at least two GOP lawmakers of his dissatisfaction with their defense of his racist tweets.

Sen. John Cornyn prides himself on winning a large share of the Latino vote in Texas, campaigning in the Asian American community and running ads in three languages. Its a crucial strategy for a Republican in a diverse state and one that is sharply divergent from President Donald Trumps approach.

So as Cornyn seeks reelection next year with Trump on the ballot, hes making sure that he isnt dragged down by the presidents more inflammatory politics, exemplified again this week by his racist tweets telling four liberal Democratic congresswomen to go back to where they came from.

I dont have any trouble speaking to any of my constituents. They dont confuse me with whats happening up here in D.C., said Cornyn, who has gently criticized Trumps battle as a mistake that unified Democrats. I know we are consumed by this here, but it doesnt consume my constituents when I go back home.

Its a common refrain for Republicans trying to deflect a Trump-fueled firestorm and highlights the dilemma that the party will face for months to come.

GOP lawmakers, especially those facing potentially tough reelection bids, need to create independent identities to win over Trump skeptics. But if they break too fiercely with the president, he and his grassroots supporters might turn on them, with disastrous political consequences.

Also Check: How Many Seats Do Republicans Have In The Senate

A Clue About This Difficult Political Surgery

Reuters: Yuri Gripas

Trump is like a drug Republicans are yet to find a way to kick. By most accounts, few Republicans in Congress want him back, and many believe that if a secret ballot had been held in the Senate on the weekend, more than the required number of 17 would have joined with the 50 Democrats to convict him and ban him from holding office in the future.

Republican Senate Leader Mitch McConnell’s speech condemning Trump as “practically and morally responsible” for the deadly January 6 attack on Congress by his supporters, offers a clue about the difficult piece of political surgery he is now trying to perform.

“Seventy-four million Americans did not invade the Capitol,” McConnell said. “Hundreds of rioters did. Seventy-four million Americans did not engineer the campaign of disinformation and rage that provoked it. One person did. Just one.”

Have Expressed Reluctance Or Misgivings But Havent Openly Dropped Their Backing

Why military veterans stand behind Donald Trump

Paul Ryan and John Boehner, the former speakers of the House: Both have expressed their dislike of the president, but have not said whom they will support in November.

John Kelly, a former chief of staff to the president: Mr. Kelly has not said whom he plans to vote for, but did say he wished we had some additional choices.

Senator Lisa Murkowski of Alaska: She has said that shes grappling with whether to support Mr. Trump in November. She told reporters on Capitol Hill in June: I am struggling with it. I have struggled with it for a long time.

She said: I think right now, as we are all struggling to find ways to express the words that need to be expressed appropriately, questions about who Im going to vote for or not going to vote for, I think, are distracting at the moment. I know people might think thats a dodge, but I think there are important conversations that we need to have as an American people among ourselves about where we are right now.

Mr. Sanford briefly challenged the president in this cycles Republican primary, and said last year that he would support Mr. Trump if the president won the nomination .

That has since changed.

Hes treading on very thin ice, Mr. Sanford said in June, worrying that the president is threatening the stability of the country.

Maggie Haberman contributed reporting.

Also Check: Which Republicans Voted Against The Budget Resolution

Why Are Republicans So Afraid Of Voters

There is no both sides do it when it comes to intentionally keeping Americans away from the polls.

By The Editorial Board

The editorial board is a group of opinion journalists whose views are informed by expertise, research, debate and certain longstandingvalues. It is separate from the newsroom.

As of Sunday afternoon, more than 93 million Americans had cast a ballot in the November elections. Thats about two-thirds of the total number of people who voted in 2016, and there are still two days until Election Day.

This is excellent news. In the middle of a global pandemic that has taken the lives of nearly a quarter of a million Americans, upended the national economy and thrown state election procedures into turmoil, there were reasonable concerns that many people would not vote at all. The numbers to date suggest that 2020 could see record turnout.

While celebrating this renewed citizen involvement in Americas political process, dont lose sight of the bigger, and darker, picture. For decades, Americans have voted at depressingly low rates for a modern democracy. Even in a good year, more than one-third of all eligible voters dont cast a ballot. In a bad year, that number can approach two-thirds.

Why are so many Americans consistently missing in action on Election Day?

For many, its a choice. They are disillusioned with government, or they feel their vote doesnt matter because politicians dont listen to them anyway.

Republicans Almost Won In 2020

To torture this autopsy metaphor even more: Theres a good argument that the party is still very much alive.

Historically, parties have done more self-reflection and been more likely to change course when theyve hit electoral low points. In the 1988 presidential race, Democrats carried only 10 states and Washington, D.C., and that loss was their third consecutive failed bid for the White House. In 2008, Obama won the popular vote by 7 percentage points Republicans didnt even carry Indiana. So of course the parties were ready to rethink things after those defeats.

In contrast, Trump would have won reelection had he done only about 1 percentage point better in Pennsylvania and Wisconsin and about 3 points better in Michigan. Republicans would still control the Senate had Republican David Perdue won about 60,000 more votes against Democrat Jon Ossoff in Georgias Senate runoff. A slew of court rulings that forced the redrawing of House district lines in less favorable ways to the GOP helped the Democrats win several seats otherwise, Republicans might have won back the House. Add all that up, and 2020 wasnt that far from resulting in a Republican trifecta.;

Also, Republicans did really well in state legislative races and gained ground among Black and Latino voters nationally .

related:What Did CPAC Tell Us About The Future Of The GOP? Read more. »

Don’t Miss: Which Republicans Voted For The Resolution Today

Dire Rhetoric Used To Describe Democratic Political Opponents What’s At Stake In Country

During the second impeachment trial, the core of the House impeachment managers’ case was this: Trump’s extreme rhetoric about the presidential election being “rigged” incited a mob to storm the U.S. Capitol.

Every Democratic senator and seven Republican senators bought the argument, voting to convict Trump. In both the House and Senate, even Republicans who did not vote to impeach or convict Trump, respectively, criticized his rhetoric and actions surrounding the election.

But at CPAC, while there were few mentions of Jan. 6, several speakers’ rhetoric was similarly inflammatory as they described political opponents in extreme terms and painted a dire picture of a nation led by Democrats.

During his speech, freshman Rep. Madison Cawthorn, R-N.C., delivered a line eerily similar to one Trump gave on Jan. 6, when the former president said, “If you don’t fight like hell, you’re not going to have a country anymore.”

“If we sit on the sidelines, we will not have a country to inherit. If we do not get involved and say that it is our duty to make sure that our country is responsible, that our country doesn’t take away our liberties, then my friends, we will lose this nation,” Cawthorn said. “The Democrats, my opponents and adversaries on the other side are brutal and vicious and they are trying to take away all of our rights.”

Opinion: Why Are Republicans So Afraid Of A Fair Fight At The Polls

THE CORONAVIRUS pandemic has left state leaders scrambling to run a fair election this November. Ramping up absentee voting is the most sensible response, but unfortunately it also is becoming a partisan choice. President Trump continues to spew disinformation about the supposed dangers of mail-in voting, some state Republican leaders are refusing to make voting easier, and party officials are fighting states that are trying to do the right thing.

There is NO WAY that Mail-In Ballots will be anything less than substantially fraudulent, President Trump tweeted May 26, accusing California Gov. Gavin Newsom, a Democrat, of proposing to send ballots to anyone living in the state, no matter who they are or how they got there. In fact, voter fraud of any kind is rare, and states that conduct all-mail-in elections, such as Oregon and Utah, have not seen widespread fraud. Mr. Trump may have been spurred by a lawsuit the Republican National Committee filed May 24 against Mr. Newsom, demanding that the courts stop the governor from distributing absentee ballots in California. That lawsuit, too, is built on fearmongering.

If Republicans fear that enabling more people to vote will hurt them, they should offer more attractive policies and candidates and stop trying to suppress the vote, in California and everywhere else.

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Recommended Reading: How Many Democrats And Republicans Are Currently In The Senate

[talkingstarwars]

Last Jedi positives and negatives, plus predictions for Episode IX!

Alright, enough time has passed and I think it’s okay for me to finally give my spoiler thoughts on The Last Jedi and predictions for the future (plus I haven’t had time to write something here specifically until now!)

Right out of the gate: I like The Last Jedi. I think I like it as much as The Force Awakens, but I like each film for very different reasons. TLJ took way more chances and was much more subversive than TFA, which I greatly appreciated. However, there are so many problems that I have with this movie. I know that sounds really negative, but here me out! I love Star Wars, but I also love movies. Upon first viewing I watched The Last Jedi as a Star Wars fan, and the second time I looked at it with a more critical eye.

Let’s get the problems I had with the movie out of the way first.

1) I hated everything that had to do with Canto Bight. Like, legitimately hated. It dragged upon the pacing and every time they cut back to it, I found myself checking my watch and hoping they’d go back to something more interesting. I thought its “message” was too on-the-nose and delivered poorly. It felt so prequelish and cartoony to me that I rolled my eyes more than once. I like Finn. I kinda like Rose. They were not serviced properly at all. Finn was one of my favorite characters and I felt like he was reduced to an ultimately meaningless side quest. Honestly, I look forward to fast forwarding through all the Canto Bight sequences once I get my hands on the Blu-Ray. And before you tell me the deeper meaning of the sequence, listen: I got it. I got everything that they were trying to say, but the execution didn’t work for me. It was too long, too. 45 minutes on that dumb planet felt like 90. Also, some of the effects look a little wonky, especially when Finn and Rose were riding those horse things through the city streets.

2) Leia’s Superman moment. It really pains me to say this because I miss Carrie Fisher with my whole heart and she gave a hell of a performance in this movie. But it was just to weird for me, seeing her fly through the stars like that using the Force. I’m glad that she used the Force but jeez, it was strange and took me out of the moment.

3) Snoke’s death. Alright, so this is a tough one. I love, love, love the manner in which Snoke died (more on that later), but I can’t help but worry about what this really means. The Force Awakens told the audience which questions to ask and what questions were important; one of those being “who is Snoke?” He was set up as this Big Bad™️ and was killed by almost nothing. Look, I know this whole movie’s deal was “subverting expectations” and being “unexpected”, but this is a mistake that the prequels had. Killing off your villains too early doesn’t give your main character a good motivation to keep fighting. Think about it: if Darth Maul hadn’t died and was the ancillary villain throughout the prequels, there would have been more emotional weight in Obi Wan’s journey (don’t @ me with that “but Maul was in the Clone Wars TV show!” Let’s keep the talk to movies, but I do love TCW a lot.) I think Snoke needed to be a driving force for Kylo Ren in his struggle with both the Dark and Light Sides. Clearly I don’t know what is going to happen in Episode IX, it could be the greatest story ever for all we know, but for now I thought the character of Snoke was, quite frankly, wasted. I felt no impact when he died, other than the impact that came with the rest of the scene. I wish we had known more about him, that’s all! One line of dialogue about who Snoke was or “he’s like, super crazy powerful with the Force because of X, Y, and Z.” I needed more from Snoke to feel any weight/impact when he was killed. What had already been presented to me about Snoke (which wasn’t a lot, I think we can all agree) was not enough for me. Maybe we’ll learn more about him in a book or a comic or in Episode IX.

4) Right, so where the hell were the Knights of Ren? Again, something that was presented as important to the audience in The Force Awakens and was not elaborated on. I think this- coupled with my previous ramblings on Snoke, the revelations about Rey’s parents, and some other story beats- show that there is a lack of a complete vision with this story. I appreciate the fact that Lucasfilm is letting storytellers tell their stories, and have creative freedom over projects (for the saga films, not the stand alones apparently). That being said, it didn’t feel like JJ Abrams and Rian Johnson collaborated and compromised as much as they should have. Look at Marvel; each story can stand alone but there is clearly an overarching story. I understand that this is “Rey’s journey”, but it would be nice if there was a supervisor (à la Kevin Feige) overseeing this saga. Yes, I understand that many feel as if the Marvel films are formulaic, but one must see that they’re still letting filmmakers tell their stories (see Thor: Ragnarok. That was 100% a Taika Watiti film.) It felt like there was a large disconnect between The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi. If the Marvel analogy didn’t satisfy you, let’s look at the original Star Wars trilogy. George Lucas did not direct all of those movies. He did not write all of them. But he was the head of story development, and they all felt connected and like there was one overarching narrative. These are just my opinions, mind you! For me, I wish that there was more connective tissue between 7 and 8 and that certain story threads weren’t dropped/disregarded.

5) This is a slippery slope, and not completely a negative, but sometimes...sometimes Rose didn’t work for me. Overall, I thought she was a good addition to the saga and Kelly Marie Tran is a DELIGHT, but her line delivery was a little rough and her one-sided affection for Finn fell completely flat. This was a super minor issue! Don’t hate me, please. If you loved everything about Rose, awesome! This movie is yours to enjoy and pick apart, and you should never change your opinions based on those of others. Live your life.

6) Ah, Luke Skywalker. One thing: I don’t believe for a second, based solely off of what we know about Luke’s character, that he’d ever consider killing his nephew. Just hear me out, please, I know this is a iffy subject for most fans. Specifically, I don’t think Luke would have ever turned on that damn lightsaber, even for a moment. I know we’ve seen Luke straight up MURDER fools (see Jabba’s sail barge) and we’ve seen him tempted by the Dark Side (see when he was tempted to kill the Emperor or when he was tempted to kill Darth Vader.) Almost killing Vader and thinking about murdering Ben Solo are completely different. Vader had actually done all those horrible things; Luke only saw a glimpse into the future of Ben Solo. One of Yoda’s chief lessons to Luke was that the future is always in motion. Luke would have had hope, he wouldn’t have thought (even for a second!) that killing the son of his sister and best friend would be a good idea. Luke would have spoken to him, Luke would have tried to make amends. Vader, Ben Solo, the Emperor, those drunk idiots on Jabba’s barge; all different scenarios. All in all, I didn’t agree with this decision with Luke’s character. Oh well, it’s not my choice, it’s not my story, as much as I would like it to be. I’m a Star Wars fan, and I love these characters so so much. Still, it’s okay to formulate opinions about things you care about.

7) I could live without DJ. Honestly I thought they wasted Benicio Del Toro’s talents. I think he was much more suited for either a Resistance official or Knight of Ren, not some stuttering Lando Calrissian antithesis. I get the lesson he taught to Finn about arms dealing, but his character got on my nerves. Maybe it was just intensified by my dislike for Canto Bight.

8) The plot device of “the characters didn’t communicate” is cheap. I am, of course, referring to Holdo not informing Poe about what she was up to. Was Poe a lower ranking official? Yes. Still, Holdo must’ve known that he was still one of Leia’s most valuable soldiers. She could have told him something! This could have avoided Canto Bight and cut down on the film’s long run time. This would have given a stronger relationship between Holdo and Poe, further showing how he will be trusted with the future of the Resistance.

Here’s a quick run-down of other things I had a problem with:

Hux was even more of a cartoon character, and it was annoying

The fact that Rose stopped Finn from sacrificing himself! It could've been a really powerful moment but she came in with an out-of-left-field message that doesn't mean anything because they had no chemistry! (And I'm not referring to the purposeful awkwardness; this is just them together in general.)

The fact that Poe said “big ass door”

Final Finn/Phasma confrontation, mostly because Phasma was still grossly underdeveloped and showing part of her face did very little to humanize her.

Luke throwing the lightsaber over his shoulder like the legacy of his father and his past meant nothing! I understand that Luke wanted to be left alone, but even he still had a heart. He should've taken it and grumpily walked away instead of throwing the damn thing so nonchalantly.

GEEZ, DID YOU ACTUALLY LIKE ANYTHING FROM THIS FILM?! Yes, yes, I like so much about this film! Let me explain all my positives!

1) That Luke and Yoda scene put the biggest smile on my face. That was bonafide Empire Strikes Back puppet Yoda! I love the message Yoda gave to Luke, I love how he bopped his former trainee on the head with his walking stick, and I loved how they burned the Force tree. Honestly, it’s one of my favorite Star Wars scenes of all time, I think. It felt so organic and genuine, and I loved every minute of it. That was the kind of moment and dialogue that makes me love Star Wars!

2) I loved that Rian Johnson TOOK CHANCES. He managed to keep my guessing through the movie and presented us with situations that expanded the Star Wars story. One of my biggest complaints with The Force Awakens (which is shared with many) was that it felt so familiar. I appreciate the Rian Johnson made this film his own. And yes, I liked the Force-projection that Luke did at the end (aka Force doppelgänger or whatever.) I lost it when Luke brushed his shoulder in his confrontation with Ben Solo. Gold. Pure gold.

3) The Rey/Kylo Ren team up fight is a top-five Star Wars moment for me. What a battle. Especially in a filmmaking perspective; the fight choreography was exquisite and the wide shots of them back-to-back taking on the Praetorian guards looked SO GOOD. Also, I was tricked into think that this was Ben’s turn to the light side, and was promptly misdirected. Nice job, Rian; you got me. What an emotional, rage-fueled battle. It shows us the obvious compatibility of the two, their interconnectedness, and the sad truth of their separation. You cannot have light without darkness. Somehow, in some way, those two- they complete each other.

4) Porgs. I am pro-porg. Porgs are friends, not food. Thank god they did not go the way of the Gungan.

5) We got a force-bond, people. Not gonna lie, this might be one of my largest positives with the film because it was one of my predictions that came true... Anyways, I loved every interaction of Rey and Kylo Ren. Even the shirtless scene, which was obviously just to show the audience that Rey could see him- it was only for this, nothing more, clearly. Still, these two are the heart of our story; our Skywalker and our Scavenger. The light and the dark. Yin and yang. Peanut butter and jelly. The dynamic duo, if you will.

6) There were some damn good space battles. This includes: the opening bombing run, Kylo Ren almost blowing up the Resistance bridge, the outmatched Resistance fleet trying to flee to Crait, Holdo sacrificing herself for the Resistance. I like my space battles. (Although, to be fair, the bombs “dropping” in space bothered me a bit. Oh well, screw physics.)

7) Amilyn Holdo is a good character. This is because I am bringing outside knowledge about her with me when I view this film, which makes her death more impactful. I do think it’s unfair to the audience at large when people say “if you only read the book this moment in the movie would be better.” I think that’s a little annoying; you shouldn’t have to read a book/comic to understand a character. The film should give them their due. Was Holdo, in terms of the film, a little underdeveloped? Yes. That doesn’t take away from the impact of her sacrifice and devotion to the cause.

8) There were a lot of good lessons in this film, including, but not limited to:

Failure is the greatest teacher

You can come from nothing and still be something

Your worth does not lie in your past

Forge your own destiny

Don’t drink green milk from strange aliens

9) This movie made me excited for Rian Johnson’s trilogy and Episode IX. It was, like I said, effective in expanding lore and making the universe feel bigger! I mean, it’s also not like Lucasfilm doesn’t already own my soul. I will see everything they put out.

10) I liked the circumstances surrounding the reveal of Rey’s true lineage. Would I have liked her to be a descendant of Obi Wan Kenobi? Of course. Would the story be elevated by the parallel of a Skywalker training a Kenobi vs a Kenobi training a Skywalker? Possibly. Was I a tad bit disappointed when Rey actually turned out to be a nobody. Yes, and I won’t deny that, but the more I dwell on it the more I like the decision. I read some article that summed it all up perfectly: not only was that the hardest thing for Rey to hear at the moment, it was the hardest thing for the audience to hear as well. Considering the circumstances, this was a critical point in the bonding of Rey and Ben. It also further develops the theme that you can come from anywhere and still be a hero (just look at Broom Kid at the end.) I also think this moment revealed the dangers of speculation; we, as dedicated Star Wars fans, sometimes need to take a step back and realize that this story is not in our hands. I know a lot of the disappointment that stemmed from this movie came from the fact that people’s theories were not made a reality. This is not healthy film going! I am a victim to it. Still, all that being said, The Force Awakens and JJ Abrams pretty much told us to speculate about where Rey came from; she was important, her lineage was important. How could her strength with the Force be explained otherwise? Well, Rian Johnson took over and he gave us the answer; just not the one we were expecting.

11) Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill were so good in this movie. I miss Carrie so so much, and Mark brought such a good energy to the film as a beaten down, tired Luke Skywalker. Their “reunion” made me smile so much. Love you, Carrie.

12) Kylo Ren is a complex, compelling, and damaged character portrayed impeccably by Adam Driver. Every time Kylo Ren came on screen we pulled back a layer of his psyche and got to understand why he is the way that he is. I soaked up every minute of his screen time. If you still think he’s a whiny kid not worthy to be amongst the likes of Vader, the Emperor, and Maul as a great Star Wars villain, I respect your opinion but I'd have to politely disagree. Driver, once again, gives a great performance.

Alright, so I'm just going to spare you from reading anymore and do a quick list of the rest of the things I liked:

battle of Crait

Resistance ship going through Snoke’s ship at lightspeed

Chewie cooking a porg

Luke and R2 in the Falcon

Kylo Ren force-slamming Hux against a wall

Hux getting force-choked by Snoke

Hux getting taunted by Poe

Poe Dameron, in general

Billie Lourd as Connix

Droids!

References to other movies (palapatine reference specifically)!

Everything about the Luke/Kylo fight: the brushing of the shoulder, the fake-out, the dialogue, everything

Luke ended where he began: with twin suns. Beautiful imagery.

And much more!

So, thanks TLJ for making the last month or so of my life consumed by Star Wars debate (which, if I'm being honest, isn't new.) I had a ton of fun at the movies, and now we throw ourselves right back into speculation time! So, here are my predictions for Star Wars Episode IX: Legacy of the Force (lol just a filler title don't have a hot scoop here):

Ghost Luke will guide Rey. Other ghost appearances to be aware of are: Yoda, Obi Wan, and Anakin Skywalker (who will appear as a man/machine hybrid and talk to Kylo Ren, not Rey.)

Kylo Ren will be redeemed.

Rey will start a new order of Jedi

Poe will take over the Resistance

Rose will become a pilot

The Knights of Ren will come out to play, one might be planning to betray Kylo, which might help him be pushed towards the Light Side

Ben Solo will die, but die a redeemed man, probably whilst trying to protect Rey

Chewie will die.

Leia’s funeral will be at the start of the movie, I will be crying my eyes out.

The Resistance will emerge victorious, but it won't be a...happy victory, per se.

We’ll learn more about Snoke

Rey will eventually build her own saberstaff using the crystal of Anakin’s saber

Resolution on Rey’s force vision from TFA

Rey will use the Dark Side but not give in to full temptation

The minds of Rey and Ben will be linked once more. Probably if Rey ha to track Ben down, she’ll open her mind to him or something like that

Lando Calrissian will come back

We will visit at least one planet from the Original Trilogy, because this is JJ Abrams were talking about and he doesn't want a lot of change. I think it’ll probably be Endor because that's where Luke cremated Vader, and I’d imagine that's a very important place for Kylo Ren

Is that too much to pack into one film? Absolutely! Did I already warn about the dangers of over speculation? Hell yeah, but like I do all the time I'm going to ignore my own advice! Speculation is all a part of the fun.

So, I hope you enjoyed The Last Jedi. And if you didn't like it, cool. I hope we can all just get along. Still, I’d be happy to duke it out. Meet me on Crait, where salt is more plentiful than it is in the voices of legions of angry fans.

[tabloidtoc]

In Touch, March 15

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Prince Harry tells all

Page 1: Contents

Page 2: Fashion Radar -- perfect match -- the sweatsuit set (aka, the breakout star of the last 12 months) has evolved from function to fashion and become a mainstay among Hollywood trendsetters -- Hailey Baldwin

Page 4: Kim Kardashian can live in a normal house again -- now that Kanye West is moving out, Kim can stop living in a mausoleum -- their $60 million L.A. mansion looked much more inviting before the design-obsessed star redecorated

Page 6: Crib of the Week -- Bobby Flay's modern marvel, Opposites Attract of the Week -- Shailene Woodley never thought she'd be engaged to someone who threw balls for a living like Aaron Rodgers, Regret of the Week -- Martha Stewart's probation officer wouldn't give her the time so she couldn't host Saturday Night Live after prison, Winners of the Week -- the cast of MTV's reality show The Real World's first season reunites for a six-episode reunion series, Loser of the Week -- in the wake of all the offscreen drama during his season The Bachelor Matt James reportedly dumps the woman he chose

Page 10: Up Close -- filtered Madonna in an Instagram video

Page 12: Demi Moore, Kate Hudson at a photo shoot, Luke Evans spends a sexy day in the sun with Brazilian model Gustavo Naspolini in Miami

Page 14: Andy Cohen welcomes good friend John Mayer to guest-host his radio show, Reese Witherspoon thanked Beyonce for her box of Ivy Park goodies, Tyler Cameron hangs out shirtless on his front porch in Jupiter, Florida

Page 16: Jenny McCarthy gets ready to tape an episode of her show The Masked Singer, Martha Stewart next to a modeling shot of her from the early '60s, Bruce Springsteen chats with former president Barack Obama at the Spotify Stream On virtual event

Page 18: Scott Disick debuts pink hair while enjoying his latest vacation in Miami, Alex Rodriguez takes a selfie with Jennifer Lopez, Rebel Wilson shows her love after a workout

Page 20: Golden Globe Awards -- January Jones still fits into her Versace dream gown from the 2011 Globes and her Mad Men co-star Kiernan Shipka still fits in hers, Kate Hudson with partner Danny Fujikawa and daughter Rani and mom Goldie Hawn and brother Oliver Hudson

Page 22: The Glitz! The Glamour! The Globes! Stars ditch their sweats for showstoppers on one of Hollywood's biggest nights -- Nicole Kidman, Amanda Seyfried, Anya Taylor-Joy

Page 23: Lily Collins, Regina King, Kate Hudson, Elle Fanning

Page 24: Brad Pitt knows a thing or two about messy divorces, so it's no surprise his pal Kanye West is turning to him in the midst of his own ugly split from Kim Kardashian -- they may seem an odd couple, but Kanye and Brad have a strong bond and Brad's someone to lean on -- the two men became buddies about three years ago and Brad even showed up to Kanye's invitation-only Sunday church services in September 2019 where the pair were spotted chatting with a crowd of other church-goers and back then things were really bad with Angelina Jolie so Brad was looking to Kanye for answers -- these days, it's Brad who's been offering up the wisdom and he's talking about what life is like after a high-profile divorce, suggesting Kanye seek therapy and sharing how the kids were affected and Brad is also telling Kanye what to expect when it comes to court proceedings -- Kanye doesn't have many close friends or family right now, so he's grateful to have someone like Brad and he may even get a shout-out in Kanye's next song

Page 25: Lady Gaga's dognapping nightmare is over -- three days after her dog walker Ryan Fischer was shot and two of her three dogs were stolen, the LAPD confirmed a woman found the pups unharmed and tied to a pole in an alley near Hollywood -- Gaga had offered a $500,000 reward for the dogs' safe return -- there are rumblings that Gaga was the real target and this was all part of a $2 million ransom and murder plot and although Gaga doesn't seem to be afraid, security will probably be amped up -- she's just happy Ryan is OK and she got her dogs back

* Lucy Hale and Skeet Ulrich packed on the PDA during a lunch date in L.A. but Lucy is in for a shock because there are rumors Skeet is connecting with other girls on the dating apps while dating Lucy -- her friends are worried because she's fallen for him, but he doesn't seem to be a one-woman type of guy -- Skeet has been married twice and has 19-year-old twins -- Skeet may have some baggage and Lucy needs to tread carefully especially with him trying to meet other women behind her back

Page 26: Cover Story -- Prince Harry tells all: I'm finally happy -- one year after leaving the royal family and escaping hell, Harry admits he has no regrets

Page 30: Drew Barrymore -- how I survived the psych ward -- Drew's 18-month stint in lockup changed her life forever

Page 32: The truth about Tiger Woods' accident -- Tiger's career hangs in the balance after a devastating car accident shatters his leg

Page 34: Khloe Kardashian is two months pregnant -- Khloe and Tristan Thompson are excited for another baby and a wedding -- Khloe said her daughter True is getting older and she feels like it's now time to have another kid

Page 36: The Big Interview -- Jessie James Decker -- the sassy reality star comes clean about connecting with her husband Eric Decker

Page 42: Animal Overload -- Miley Cyrus welcomed a newly adopted pit bull named Angel to her pet family, Kylie Jenner introduced her new puppy Kevin, my cat looks like Harrison Ford

Page 45: Double Take -- Jennifer Aniston shows off her basket of Vital Proteins products in L.A.

Page 46: Horoscope -- Pisces Sharon Stone turned 63 on March 10

Page 48: Last Laughs

[placetobenation]

Before we get to the week that was in the WWE, let’s start with a few quick thoughts coming out of WrestleMania.

Holy Boneyard Match! Well done and a nice touch to both The Undertaker and AJ Styles for how it was laid out! Well executed and a great way to bring some strength back to UT and the returning American Bad Ass! Plus, who can not like Metallica on a big stage!

Bizarre doesn’t quite go far enough to describe that Firefly Fun House Match between John Cena and Bray Wyatt/The Fiend. You either loved it or hated it! I, for one, loved it! Showing all the twists, turns and chances that Cena had to go one way or another in his career was genius. The one-liners and inside ribs were tremendous. And oh yeah, loved to see Eric Bischoff back (I kid, I kid) after being fired a few months ago!

The WWE made the best out of a bad situation with the coronavirus pandemic and the lack of crowd for its biggest event of the year. For that, I’ll give them a round of applause!

Loved having the two-night 3-3.5 hour shows instead of the one-night 7+ hour extravaganza. Something to think about going forward!

The sight of Kevin Owens flying off the WrestleMania sign only made me want him jumping off the pirate ship at Raymond James Stadium even more. It has to happen down the road.

Edge vs. Orton was long, dramatic and worth it! The RAW emotion, pun intended, showed through. Count me as one who did NOT think it went too long.

Interesting that the WWE resisted scratching the itch on Bayley vs. Sasha Banks for the moment.

I guess now we get Charlotte Flair full time on Monday and Wednesday nights, right?

JBL back on commentary was a welcome listen!

Still, we get no reason why Roman Reigns didn’t wrestle at the company’s biggest event. That, my friends, is just lazy storytelling.

RAW

RESULTS

Asuka defeated Liv Morgan

RAW Tag Team Title Match: The Street Profits defeated Angel Garza & Austin Theory (DQ)

Bianca Belair vs. Zelina Vega ended in no-contest

Bianca Belair & The Street Profits defeated Zelina Vega, Angel Garza & Austin Theory

Aleister Black defeated Apollo Crews

Ricochet & Cedric Alexander defeated Oney Lorcan & Danny Burch

Seth Rollins defeated Denzel Dejournette

Nia Jax defeated Deonna Purrazzo

Humberto Carrillo defeated Brendan Vink

WWE Championship Match: Drew McIntyre defeated The Big Show

The good thing about Monday night’s first RAW after WrestleMania was that there was plenty of wrestling in it. The problem was that most of the matches didn’t involve any of the top tier talent, a trend that’s been more and more prevalent over the past few years.

What started as a match for the #WWERaw #TagTeamTitles became @MontezFordWWE, @AngeloDawkins & @BiancaBelairWWE against @AngelGarzaWwe, @austintheory1 & @Zelina_VegaWWE! The #ESTofNXT has now arrived on Monday night! pic.twitter.com/Yr3ZaR3Jz7

— WWE (@WWE) April 7, 2020

We got a pretty good start to the night with Asuka winning over Liv Morgan. Then, for the next 45 minutes, we got three different versions of The Street Profits and Bianca Belair vs. Zelina Vega, Angel Garza and Austin Theory. It’s nice feud with the addition of Belair into the mix. But no, we did not need the better part of an hour of it. Anyway, I digress.

Good to see Ricochet and Cedric Alexander get a win as a team. It’ll be good to see if they actually get a push into the tag team title mix as well.

Nia Jax returned. Seth Rollins appeared for a few minutes as the run of opponents from NXT continued.

The tide just TURNED after #WrestleMania as @WWETheBigShow provoked @DMcIntyreWWE into getting a #WWEChampionship Match!#WWERaw pic.twitter.com/T924k50dbr

— WWE (@WWE) April 7, 2020

Not sure what to make of the Drew McIntyre vs. The Big Show main event other than this – it was a good plug for Paul Wight’s new show on Nextflix – “The Big Show Show,” which BTW is pretty funny having seen a few episodes so far. But here’s what makes the match make no sense. Why would Drew McIntyre come back out to the ring to do a promo in front on no one after the main event? Why would Drew McIntyre agree to a match right after WrestleMania’s main event with someone who hasn’t been around in months? Why would we believe any of this as fans? What, just because The Big Show tried to push his buttons and slap him in the face? Not buying it folks! There’s nothing in it for the new champion whatsoever! I understand that the WWE needed to tape things well in advance, but this one made absolutely no sense at all! Do another recap or show parts of a WrestleMania match for those who didn’t see it, just like they did for the Boneyard Match or Charlotte’s Flair win over Rhea Ripley.

And oh yeah, another thing – that video was in no way SHOCKING FOOTAGE!

NXT

RESULTS

NXT Women’s Championship #1 Contender’s Ladder Match: Io Shirai defeated Chelsea Green, Dakota Kai, Mia Yim, Tegan Nox and Candice LeRae

Indus Sher defeated Ever-Rise

Johnny Gargano defeated Tommaso Ciampa

SHE DID IT!!!!!@shirai_io has WON the No. 1 Contender's #LadderMatch to challenge @MsCharlotteWWE for the #WWENXT #WomensTitle! pic.twitter.com/FgfBFgSz9g

— WWE NXT (@WWENXT) April 9, 2020

Kudos to the ladies! An awesome start to the night with Io Shirai outlasting Chelsea Green, Dakota Kai, Mia Yim, Tegan Nox and Candice LeRae to win a title shot with the newly crowned NXT Champion Charlotte Flair. It’ll be a fun underdog story as Shirai tries to take down The Queen in her first championship defense.

Nice tease by Candice LeRae too as she told her husband, Johnny Gargano that she was going home before his final match with Tommaso Ciampa later that night.

Indus Sher, Malcolm Bivens’ new tag team had their in-ring debut against Ever-Rise. Kind of flat if you ask me.

I could be wrong, but I expected more from Gargano vs. Ciampa – The End. It surely got enough time devoted to it – lasting the better part of the second hour of NXT. The commercial interruptions ruined the flow of the match I thought. Why not just give it to us commercial-free it it’s such an epic event as the last time they will EVER meet? Didn’t make much sense. But that seems to be the prevailing thought coming out of WrestleMania weekend. Granted, the similarities between Orton vs. Edge and Ciampa vs. Gargano were there. Plus, the fact that we saw Ciampa and Gargano just take down the Performance Center recently didn’t help matters.

And so it ends.@JohnnyGargano defeats @NXTCiampa in #OneFinalBeat. #WWENXT #CiampaVsGargano @CandiceLeRae pic.twitter.com/W83NA37dOE

— WWE NXT (@WWENXT) April 9, 2020

The ending twist with LeRae coming back to seemingly betray her husband yet then turn on Ciampa as well to give her husband the victory was fitting. So, now we get the heel duo of Gargano and LeRae to take on the shortly debuting Killer Kross and Scarlett Bordeaux, who were seen watching Gargano and LeRae walk to their car to end Wednesday night’s show. Here’s hoping they play up Kross & Bordeaux in a huge way after all the hype leading up to it. Tick. Tock. Apocolypse.

Is it time? #WWENXT pic.twitter.com/EdiiCtak1o

— WWE NXT (@WWENXT) April 9, 2020

SMACKDOWN

RESULTS

Women’s Tag Team Championship WrestleMania rematch: Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross defeated The Kabuki Warriors (Asuka & Kairi Sane)

Dolph Ziggler defeated Tucker

The Forgotten Sons defeated Lucha House Party

Sheamus defeated Cal Bloom

Universal Title Non-Title Match: Braun Strowman defeated Shinsuke Nakamura

Let us just call Friday Night SmackDown what it really was this week: re-SmackDown. Instead of moving forward after WrestleMania, we just got more of the same.

A rematch for the Women’s Tag Team Titles between Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross vs. the former champions, the Kabuki Warriors is where we started. We got Dolph Ziggler vs. Tucker. A replay of the SmackDown tag team title ladder match from WrestleMania which gets us another triple threat match for the Smackdown Tag Team Titles as The Miz faces Big E and Jimmy Uso. Plus, another Nakamura vs. Strowman match.

What we didn’t get was more from Otis and Mandy in person. What we didn’t get was any reasoning or update on Roman Reigns. What we didn’t get was anything from Goldberg.

.@TaminaSnuka can have her match with #SmackDown #WomensChampion @itsBayleyWWE, but she has to BEAT @SashaBanksWWE first! Did The #RoleModel just "sacrifice" her BFF?

pic.twitter.com/PooS4SuRE6

— WWE (@WWE) April 11, 2020

What we did get, and liked, was Bayley throwing her bestie, Sasha Banks under the bus to go and face Tamina one-on-one. The seeds are being planted there…

I wonder where the WWE is going with the Jeff Hardy retrospective. His contract is up soon, reportedly and with his brother already gone to AEW, you have to wonder how long he’ll stay with a full-time WWE schedule. It was a good look back though! Let’s see where part 2 goes.

"Since I brought you into this world, I'm going to have to take you out." – @WWEBrayWyatt to @BraunStrowman #SmackDown pic.twitter.com/p6i2zlkyAe

— WWE on FOX (@WWEonFOX) April 11, 2020

The Fiend gets right back into the Universal Title picture by challenging Braun Strowman. That’s a very good thing! I just hope they don’t use The Fiend as a throw-away to make Strowman look better. The Fiend deserves more, especially after being a highlight of WreslteMania weekend. Plus, who can’t appreciate the twist on the line that usually comes from a parent to a kid – “I brought you into this World, I’m going to have to take you out.”

Next week, we get qualifiers for a Money In The Bank PPV that we’re not quite sure is going to happen, although we know now that it’s not going to happen in Baltimore now that the venue has announced its cancelation. It’s Daniel Bryan vs. Cesaro and Dana Brooke vs. Naomi. And further down the road we get Brooke & Carmella with tag team title shots against Bliss & Cross. I guess Dana wins the fill the time spots!

In two weeks, we get the 25th anniversary celebration of Triple H. Can you say time filler!

Parting shots:

The WWE give The Revival their official release. Honestly, good luck to both Scott Dawson and Dash Wilder . They are what they are – more pro wrestlers than sports entertainers. And in the end, that’s why they never really fit in the WWE. Still, they were tag champs in all three brands, so they were given a chance. They will do fine no matter where they end up, although it seems like AEW and NJPW are perfect fits for them.

I’m begging the WWE to please end the in-ring promos to no one! There are better ways to deliver these messages! Cut them down and make them more important with better delivery. You can be more creative than this! Now is the time to do it and take more risk. The rewards are there for the taking!

Thanks for letting us share our thoughts! Shoot me an email at jcrowe567@gmail.com. We’d love to hear your comments and suggestions! You can also check out my blog, The Crowe’s Nest as we delve into more pro wrestling, sports entertainment and the World of Sports. My apologies ahead of time – I AM a Patriots and Red Sox fan! If you’re not down with that, I’ve got TWO WORDS for you… NEW ENGLAND!

[igotopinions]

Books I Read in 2019

* = Re-read Check out past years: 2012, 2013 (skipped), 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, and 2018. Follow me on Goodreads to get these reviews as they happen. 1) The Right To Be Cold: One Woman's Story of Protecting Her Culture, the Arctic and the Whole Planet by Sheila Watt-Cloutier 2) Nollywood: The Making of a Film Empire by Emily Witt 3) The Consuming Fire by John Scalzi 4) My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh Reads like a more mature Chuck Palahniuk. 5) Of Dice and Men by ME I won't be a dink and give myself a star rating or glowing review, but I gotta get that credit for my annual reading challenge! I'll also say it's a richly rewarding experience to, after all the work of writing & editing & publishing & promoting, to re-read something you wrote and still feel all the strong, positive feelings it gave as you figured out the first draft. 6) Lagos Noir, edited by Chris Abani 7) The Secret Lives of Colour by Kassia St. Clair 8) The Buddha of Suburbia by Hanif Kureishi A really fun, cleverly written coming-of-age story with just the right period touches to it. I gobbled this thing down in a couple of days, having no problem seeing why Zadie Smith spoke highly of it in her latest book of essays. 9) Moon of the Crusted Snow by Waubgeshig Rice 10) America: The Farewell Tour  by Chris Hedges   TL:DR This book is not toilet paper, but it sure is shit-adjacent. It gave me strong feelings, which you can read on Goodreads. 11) The Anatomical Venus: Wax, God, Death & the Ecstatic by Joanna Ebenstein Great introduction to the subject with fantastic photos & illustrations. My only frustration was the layout, which frequently breaks up the main text mid-sentence for two or even four pages of images with details captions to read or full page quotes, so it takes a bit more effort to read linearly. 12) The King of Elfland's Daughter by Lord Dunsany I found this through the ol' Appendix N reading list and it's not hard to see how this influenced D&D in many ways, but it has value well beyond that novelty. This is a wonderful fantasy tale in the vein of classic fairy tales, a welcome break from the kind of epics we mostly associate with the genre these days. By the final run up to the ending I was really immersed in what I was reading and I know I'll be looking up more of his books. 13) The Worst Is Yet to Come: A Post-Capitalist Survival Guide by Peter Fleming *14) A Canticle For Leibowitz by Walter M. Miller Jr.   The first third remains perfect. The middle third is better than I remember, which is to say very good indeed, despite the feeling of inevitability running through it. The final third remains a pretty obvious punchline stretched out over too many pages, something basically predicted by the ending of the middle story. But! Ah! That first third! 15) The Gods of Pegana by Edward John Moreton Dunsany In theory this was an influence on Lovecraft's Dreamlands cycle books. 16) Era of Ignition: Coming of Age in a Time of Rage and Revolution by Amber Tamblyn 17) Looking for Transwonderland: Travels in Nigeria by Noo Saro-Wiwa 18) 1985 by Anthony Burgess 19) Infinite Detail by Tim Maughan 20) Seasonal Associate by Heike Geissler,  Kevin Vennemann (Afterword), Katy Derbyshire (Translation) 21) Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World by Cal Newport 22) How To Write Adventure Modules That Don't Suck Edited by Jobe Bittman 23) The Immortal of World's End by Lin Carter 24) This Is Water: Some Thoughts, Delivered on a Significant Occasion, about Living a Compassionate Life by David Foster Wallace 25) My Sister, the Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite *26) Idoru by Oliver Brackenbury 27) Conan by Robert E. Howard,  L. Sprague de Camp, Lin Carter 28) Heroes in the Wind: From Kull to Conan by Robert E. Howard 29) The Postman by David Brin Yes, this is that “The Postman”, the one which was adapted into a universally reviled Kevin Costner film in the mid-to-late nineties. It is, however, significantly different and far more enjoyable. It is an extremely White Straight Guy book with some curious ideas about gender in the back end, a "Rah rah, America!" through-line, and an obsession with describing horses as "steaming". It is also a well-crafted, clear, concise, quickly-moving story that avoids several obvious turns most authors would have plowed right into, and overall serves as a great exploration of the power of lies & myths. Plus, yeah, it is kind of heartwarming to imagine the concept of snail mail & the people who deliver it serving to re-unite us in the post-apocalypse. Unlike the movie, I'd honestly recommend this. Heck, I'm thinking I'll start exploring the rest of his catalog. 30) Beastie Boys Book by Michael Diamond  & Adam Horowitz If you're a fan, then you'll like this. If not? I dunno man! The whole thing feels like hearing stories from your favourite old high school buddies when they're at their most honest and interesting. Great stuff. 31) Best. Movie. Year. Ever.: How 1999 Blew Up the Big Screen by Brian Raftery 32) Return of the Lazy Dungeon Master by Michael Shea 33) Conan of Cimmeria by Robert E. Howard,  L. Sprague De Camp, and Lin Carter. As tends to be the case, the pure Howard stories are best. Carter and De Camp are mostly interested in arranging Howard's work into a larger, more coherent universe...which is fine, I guess, but it has a way of making Conan feel less a legend striding in and out of fantastic situations, more a man - a strong, interesting man, sure, yet still just a man. *34) The Hunter by Richard Stark *35) Beast by Paul Kingsnorth 36) The Marrow Thieves by Cherie Dimaline 37) It Came from Something Awful: How a Toxic Troll Army Accidentally Memed Donald Trump into Office by Dale Beran 38) Planetes, Vol. 1-4 by Makoto Yukimura 39) The Bookshop on the Corner by Jenny Colgan 40) Reawakening Our Ancestors' Lines: Revitalizing Inuit Traditional Tattooing by Angela Hovak Johnston 41) Split Tooth by Tanya Tagaq 42) Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott Part life-as-a-writer therapy, part craft, this leans more toward the latter than Stephen King's ON WRITING and that's plenty fine.  A nice, light read that holds value for writers at all stages of their career, I reckon. 43) Conan The Freebooter by Robert E. Howard, L. Sprague de Camp As tends to be the case with these collections, the pure Howard stories are best. That said, Lin Carter carries himself much better here than in some of the earlier volumes. There are no magical abstractions of good and evil arm-wrestling each other while Conan just stares at them... 44) The Heroes by Joe Abercrombie 45) The Case of Charles Dexter Ward by H.P. Lovecraft Pretty good stuff but, as was pointed out on the excellent Appendix N Podcast, this story would have been really something had it been edited down a bit. RACISM METER: Honestly, pretty okay, which is saying something for Lovecraft! No cats with awful names or race theory or any of that. Just a good wholesome story of madness and history. 46) Difficult Men: Behind the Scenes of a Creative Revolution: From The Sopranos and The Wire to Mad Men and Breaking Bad by Brett Martin 47) Swords and Deviltry by Fritz Leiber 48) The Enchantress of World's End by Lin Carter 49) The Barbarian of World's End by Lin Carter These are not terribly good books....but I keep reading them for the goofy ideas and setting. Averaging 180 pages, they're not a big investment so hey why not? 50) The Giant of World’s End by Lin Carter The first is the best. I think because it was written as a complete story, not the literary equivalent of another episode of a Saturday morning cartoon, as the other World's End books read. As with the rest of the series it is enjoyed more on the merits of the wacky ideas than the quality of prose, including a part near the end who may well have been a source of inspiration for the Emperor of Mankind in the Warhammer 40K universe. Its main drawback is the classic scifi/fantasy failing of providing multiple asides to historical background meant to add depth to the world but which is ultimately meaningless to the reader as it has little if anything to do with the story - nevermind the characters! Heck, it's only 140 pages. It's fun. The ending actually got to me a little. It's a good place to pluck out ideas for tabletop roleplaying, if you're into that. Yup! 51) Wonder Tales: The Book of Wonder and Tales of Wonder by Lord Dunsany 52) Outcast of Redwall by Brian Jacques It's a fun little story, clearly intended for younger audiences, and I've no regrets having bought it second hand. BUT You could have clipped off nearly a hundred pages if the author didn't feel compelled to give you a highly detailed account of every single meal - including many feasts - had by characters big and small. Holy mother of God do you come out of this knowing a lot about the diets of the various woodland creatures, with their meadowberry pies and etc. 53) Björk's Homogenic by Emily MacKay 54) DCC RPG Annual Vol 1 by Steve Bean, Julian Bernick, Daniel Bishop, Jobe Bittman, Tim Callahan, Colin Chapman, Michael Curtis, Edgar Johnson, Brendan LaSalle, Stephen Newton, Terry Olson, and Harley Stroh 55) Conan the Avenger by Robert Howrd & L Sprague De Camp This is one of the better collections. Only the third story is a reconstruction from one of Howard's outlines, the rest are undiluted and glorious.That said, the back two stories are a bit cringey re: race, *especially* the reconstruction I mentioned. I'd say I don't know who looks at a Howard story and thinks "Ah, this needs more complex racial hierarchy nonsense!" but I do and that man's name is L. Sprague De Camp, apparently!The important thing is now I'm all caught up for the next episode of The Appendix N podcast, which I heartily recommend. 56) Medallion Status: True Stories from Secret Rooms by John Hodgman 57) Grand Union: Stories by Zadie Smith 58) The Singing Citadel by Michael Moorcock 59) White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo 60) The Psychopath Test by Jon Ronson *61) Virtual Light by William Gibson 62) The Dragon Masters by Jack Vance *63) Roadside Picnic by Arkady Strugatsky, Boris Strugatsky, Ursula K. Le Guin (Foreword), Olena Bormashenko (Translator) *64) Bill, the Galactic Hero by Harry Harrison A fun little dunk on Heinlein and his ilk. Very slapstick. 65) Gonzo by Hunter S. Thompson *66) McGlue by Ottessa Moshfegh

STATS Non-Fiction: 23 Fiction: 42 Poetry Collections:0 Comic Trades: 0 Wrote Myself: 1

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW17

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week!

And new Friday My Life episode just came out for subscribers!

—

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Lacazette and Ozil

IN (for -4 points hit): Rashford and Martial

Welp - turns out Freddy is not the answer at Arsecast and they have looked diabolical as per over the last couple. That, as well as Laca maybe bombed out and Ozil playing wide and shit and it's just a fucking mess. Experiment was fun while it lasted and I had my yearly enjoyment of owning Ozil but time to turn the page. Hitting them both out feels more than fine and looking at this fixture run for United I'm backing them to continue their momentum and keep doing their thing.

Rash, at this point, is on a Vardy-like run of returns and I couldn't really think of good reasons why that shouldn't continue. We may just be seeing a player mature in front of our eyes here so better late than never is my approach here.

Tony is just an old flame nothing to see here. Very close pick between him and Puli but that's what Friday My Life is for. As Alon put it, which was an excellent reminder, if there's a cheap OOP striker from a top six team in the game then just get that guy and reap the rewards. This was my main reasoning behind starting the season with him and if it ain't broke. Well..until he breaks that is..

GK:

Schmeichel (NOR)

Schmikes second run out for me after obviously not cleaning last game. If they don't clean Norwich I'll be quite sad. Quite sad.

DEF:

Pereira (NOR)

Ricardo looked fucking good against Villa and really should have came away with an assist if not for Barnes profligacy and shithousery...happy to have this lad in the squad and hoping it's the start of a beautiful new partnership.

Alexander-Arnold (WAT)

Trent goes again to cuck me and probably get subbed on 57' after his 50' off the bench display. Cool guy.

Lundstram (AVL)

Lund is home Villa in what is sort of a hard fixture? Idk. Still like running Lundy out in these fixtures against the bottom half without thinking a ton about it.

Might bin him before that tough run in a few gameweeks but for the time being he still looks like a solid bet for attacking returns and shit.

Kelly (BHA)

Saving the best for last..obv..Martin Kelly the god. Nothing to say here as words on a web page cannot describe a God with anything which remotely resembles accuracy, so I won't try.

MID:

Martial (EVE)

New friend Tony has a home banker against Big Dunc's squad. Seems good to me...hopefully it is good to Tony as well. Everton xi still looks a shambles and hoping that a 90′ on tape of what Dunc is doing will be of great assistance to the genius manager who is Ole.

De Bruyne (ars)

Kevin the steady hand has a banker at Arse and I'd be pretty surprised if he blanks. Still feel like he's a very good pick and happy to still have hung on to him.

Son (wol)

Last mid in the trio is Private Swan. He's looked electric under Mou with no end in sight. Get in there swannyboy.

FWD:

Rashford (EVE)

Another new friend Rash up top I don't have to fuck him to hell in slack anymore when he dongs which I'm happy about. Time to be on team Rash and be happy about it.

Vardy (NOR)

Vardz stays boring whatever nothing to talk about there.

Kane (wol)

Kane also is staying..for now. Still feels like a not so good use of money but in this moment and looking at the fixtures it doesn't feel like a good place to use transfers. Yet.

CAP:

Vardy (NOR)

Vardy for me. Going with the "best" option for once. Yay points. Hopefully the rest of my team performs and I can gain on the field in that way since it won't be in this way this weekend.

—

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: N/A

IN: N/A

Following Pod Partner’s advice on Fri and just saving instead of panicking in a Liverpool player or something else insane.

Team is good on paper even with no Mo and no Mané.

GK:

Ryan (cry)

Ryan is the runaway leader for Baseline Bonus Points of all players in the game... Maybe he’ll get a clean from time to time and hopefully the bones follow. I hate keepers.

DEF:

van Dijk (WAT)

Should be a relatively straight forward clean. Stop the one or two chances / counters and just chill and control otherwise.

Lundstram (AVL)

Lundy has stopped shooting which really dents his start-every-week appeal so hopefully he picks it back up soon. If not he will turn into a guy we’re benching pretty regularly with SHU cleansheets coming back down to Earf.

Söyüncü (NOR)

Leicester D should have another easy day at the office here.

MID:

Maddison (NOR)

Been hauling and ticking he’s just good man. At first I shitted on him then I came around on him and transferred him in and then he blanked and it felt bad again and now he’s titting and it feels good again... Anyway points are good and he’s in and around’em.

Alli (wol)

Fixture feels really bad to me. Wolves will play super deep as usual and try to hit Spurs on the break... Maybe it’ll take a moment of Alli magic to break them down?

Pulisic (BOU)

A 6th (including Champs Lg.) blank in a row would really be criminal because he’s playing so fucking well and looks incredible.

Bournemouth are a joke and Chelsea should run them the fuck over.

De Bruyne (ars)

The forgotten man... Still very good. Although he might turn into a Liverpool guy or Son in two weeks I don’t fuckin’ know.

FWD:

Kane (wol)

Yikes. Praying.

Abraham (BOU)

I think he definitely gets a goal here but will he stay on the pitch long enough for more then a goal? I’m not sure.

Vardy (NOR)

Yep.

CAP:

Vardy (NOR)

Sticking with Vardy.

If Tammy was nailed for 90′ I’d probably go there against the diabolically bad Bournemouth but we know how many goals are scored in those last twenty minutes and I want my striker and my captain on the pitch for’em.

Vardy injects Lucozade into his veins at halftime and sprints around for the second 45′. It’s good for points. Would recommend.

—

RANDOM SLACKER OF THE WEEK: WolfgangJones

The words of Random Slacker are not officially endorsed by this website nor any employees of FML FPL LLC.

TRANSFERS:

OUT: McGinn

IN: Grealish

Sideways moves are like a second helping of cake, you know it’s bad for you but you do it anyway. Many gameweeks ago I went for McGinn instead of Grealish and I’ve regretted it ever since. Grealish just feels right for my first bench spot and the occasional start.

GK:

Guaita (BHA)

Two weeks, two cleans, 18 points. Great shout from two pods ago. Palace’s fixtures are looking good for the next while so Guaita should keep getting the cleans.

DEF:

Alexander-Arnold & Robertson (WAT)

At what point does patience become plain stubbornness? Liverpool have kept two cleans in a row and I don’t see a reason why the trend shouldn’t continue this week. Might be getting rid of Robbo next week to free up funds so hopefully he gets me a clean as a parting gift.

Söyüncü (NOR)

Soy is good and Leicester D is good. I’m expecting a clean here this weekend.

Lundstram (AVL)

Sheffield haven’t kept a clean since GW11 but Lundstram is still out of position as fuck. Even if they don’t keep a clean he might get attacking returns so I see no reason not to start him for this one.

MID:

De Bruyne (ars)

I’m not going to lie; I’ve been thinking about getting rid of Kev. But with Arsenal being bad at defending it was hold for at least one more week. I’ll have to reassess next week since he’s the easiest path into either Son or Alli.

Mané (WAT)

Mané has been phenomenal and he should keep it up. Home vs Watford is as tasty a fixture as they come.

Moura (wol)

In hindsight Lucas was the wrong Spurs asset to get but nothing to be done about that right now. Here’s to hoping he proves me wrong.

Maddison (NOR)

Tick merchant will keep ticking. Should get points at home against Norwich. Barring any injuries he’ll be a season hold for me.

FWD:

Jimenez (TOT)

It ain’t much but it’s honest work. I don’t see Wolves beating Spurs but Jimenez should be able to get a goal or an assist.

Vardy (NOR)

If there is one thing we can count on is Vardy getting points.

CAP:

Mané (WAT)

It was a close one between Mané and Vardy but in the end I think Mané has the potential to explode against Watford.

[spotlightsaga]

Kevin Cage of @spotlightsaga reviews... Riverdale /S01\/E10\ Chapter 10: The Lost Weekend Airdate: April 13, 2017 @cwnetwork Ratings: 0.872 Million :: 0.32 18-49 Demo Share Score: 8.5/10 @riverdaleseries @archiecomics TVTime/FB/Twitter/IG/Tumblr/Path/Pin: @SpotlightSaga **********SPOILERS BELOW********** Four Months late isn't too bad, right? See, in Miami, it's never cute to be the first person at the party, and really the party never ends until someone actually says it does... And clearly the Riverdale Party is still very much in full swing. So consider this 10th Entry 'Riverdale Revisit'; the after party to end all after parties. Of course, we're going to be set up for S2 when it goes live. This is definitely not one of the tv shows that Spotlight Saga will be dropping in the coming, world famous, 'fall tv' season frenzy. But don't get it twisted, there are many on the chopping block... OUR chopping block. We're looking at what gets our blood pumping and our thoughts racing, giving us something more to talk about than "Last Night on ___insert uninspired show number #45 here___." 'Riverdale' has made a massive stir across social media and of course on The CW & their worldwide dominating partner, Netflix, as well. I love that due to streaming, the new large amounts of cash pouring in from its subsequent deals, and actually several generations full of 'cord cutters', there are no longer rules to watching and writing about television series and films... Get to them when you can, some will watch them live, some will stream them later, some will wait until they can binge them all at once like a Weekend Warrior with a pocket full of Ecstasy and a head full of hallucinogens. It's our world now, and CBS, NBC, ABC, FOX, and more (or less) importantly 'Nielsen Holdings', no longer control what, when, where, why, and how much. Smell that? That's the sweet smell of change... And the remnants of murder and sticky maple syrup, obvi. Ive been extremely careful not to overpraise 'Riverdale' in the past. Similar series have only led to frustration or feelings of complete frustration. Its hard to know what to expect from a show like this in the near future... We all saw the demise of similar series like 'Pretty Little Liars' and other shows that run through the same type of vein... Kind of like many of the other ones attempted over at the now defunct ABC Family where PLL first started. Like The WB, UPN, and now The CW, ABC Family has also gone through a newly rebranding process that didn't do much to help the sinking ship they now call Freeform TV... A network that only 'The Fosters' and its cheesy sister show 'Shadowhunters' seem to be keeping afloat. We aren't being negative, we're being real... And when you're at a party, or in this case, 'After Party', you've got to be real. You just gotta... Even if no one ever wanted the party in the first place. If you don't know what I mean, let me spell it out for you. Ready? Set? Spell! Ah fuck it, we'll just spill the tea... 'Let's have a Kiki! Lock the doors tight!' I sometimes wonder if my obscure pop culture references I often sneak into these articles ever actually connect. They probably don't, but to that one person that got it, FUCK YEAH! It's the birthday of Jughead (Cole Sprouse)... And much like the very similar, fellow female counterpart, Sheila the She-Wolf, another introverted style character from 'Riverdale's sister show on Netflix, 'GLOW'... Jughead is not really into parties and/or making a big fuss about a birthday or bringing any unnecessary & unwanted attention to his person. Unfortunately for Betty (Lili Reinhart), Jughead isn't really big on camaraderie, most definitely not in the spirit equivalent to the 'Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling'! The reasons behind throwing these two characters' each their own impromptu birthday bashes on their respective tv shows are done for totally different reasons. With 'GLOW', it was slightly annoying at first (for Sheila, anyway), but eventually it turned from an apprehensive & anxiety filled event to a touching, sweet moment, where a closed off character had a major breakthrough that was captured in the perfect beam of light, allowing a significant development and enabling an insight into another character's backstory, bringing the whole cast together for the most part. In a great juxtaposition, on 'Riverdale', the psychology behind this one is actually much, much different... It's still got the 'trepidatious yet possible potential for a surprise moment of gratification' aspect down to a certain degree, but it doesn't go down the path of the balmy & charming. The reasoning behind Betty's sudden obsession to give Jughead the party that he never wanted, and the background as to why he's so against the idea in the first place certainly doesn't inspire camaraderie or any kind of 'feel good' moments, especially at the party itself. If anything, the intent is slightly bordering on the side of creepy. Riverdale?! Creepy?!? Yup! Keep up! It's only getting creepier. You see... We've been up on 'Riverdale' and then back down, and then back up and down again... And I think everyone here will openly admit that it's mostly due to a shaky CW track record, as well as similar networks just like it, though there has been a few inconsistencies outside of this oddball tone & beautiful color scheme we're always raving about. However, when the show fully embraces its complete and total anomalous, almost freakish eccentricities, we all just fall right back in love with the show again. It's episodes like 'Chapter 10: The Lost Weekend' that completely make us forget about past network follies and shows like PLL completely losing their way after gaining our trust and enthusiasm in its beginning stages. Reinhart is effortlessly serving up 'Bizarre, Bilateral, Betty Bananas' like a full-on, award ready, seasoned vet. Seriously, I don't want to blow too much smoke up the kid's ass, but I'm pretty sure her breakthrough performance here would even make the likes of decorated actress such as Nicole Kidman proud. Betty Cooper has a duality that Reinhart not only highlights with strong, hearty performances... But it's also the efforts of Director Dawn Williamson, a phenomenal Art Department (you guys KICK MAJOR ASS), Cinematographer Stephen Jackson (this guy was award-worthy in this episode), and Costume & Wardrobe (hell, everyone involved in the smallest, minute details) framed from shot to shot... The absurdity of how tight & perfectly situated her ponytail is, how hard she clenches her hands (leaving scratch marks on her palms), even the way she holds the cake & dawns the signature 'Jughead Crown', to whoever made the call of having those weirdo party goers in horse masks in the background - Good call, guys! That was freaking CRAZY! It's all those little things that make the picture such a pleasure to watch... Turning what seems like a normal teen drama at first glance, to a finely tuned, surprisingly compelling theatrical spectacle. The crazy is in full on abundance, though... It's not just Betty. Suddenly after a string of a few disappointing episodes, I come back after a break and either see things in a totally different light, or it could be that this was just slowly building right under our noses the whole time, or *the most plausible of all three options* is that the ironically lowest rated episode of the series, according to the great analysts over at Nielsen, is actually the most technically sound, character driven, insanely atmospheric entry of the entire 1st Season. Veronica Lodge (Camila Mendes) finally lets go of some deep resentments she's been bottling up and goes after Cheryl Blossom (Madelaine Petsch). This is a task that I wouldn't suggest to any person of sound or capable mind to attempt in any way, shape, fashion, or form. The act is crazy in and of itself, and pissing off the 'Ravishing Redhead' that literally wears the letters 'HBIC' on the back of her cheerleading uniform, that's 'Head Bitch in Charge' for anyone too young or too old to remember Tiffany Pollard of VH1's 'I Love New York', is obviously going to lead to a backlash that Veronica won't likely forget. Sure she might get her big 'W' now, but we must remind you... There's no 'W' in 'HBIC'. Meanwhile, Cole Sprouse & Skeet Ulrich, who plays Serpent Gangster FP Jones & Jughead's father on the show, are literally close to actually convincing me that they are really father and son in real life. The little ticks and nuances that they share are out of this fn' world insane. Either these two have spent a week in a trailer together mirroring their every move or we seriously need to ring in Maury Povich for a DNA Test! Oh, and apparently there's some guy on the show named Archie Andrews (KJ Apa)... The only drawback is that they've failed to make the main protagonist (is he tho?) even remotely interesting. He's good looking, but he's not a convincing redhead, and I'm still not hooked into his arc. Hey, that's ok... Enter Mary Andrews (Molly Ringwald - ChaChing!), Archie's long lost mother. So nice of you to finally drop in, Molly! Fred Andrews (Luke Perry) is ready to finalize the divorce, but we're just biting on all the possibly juicy dramatic scenarios! Who is Archie again? Back at the party, that burgeoning rivalry between Veronica and Cheryl hits its boiling point when Veronica gets a bit too carried away and accuses Cheryl and her deceased brother Jason (Trevor Stines) of having an incestious affair. Ah, gotta love seedy underbelly of the United States! The more money, the crazier the family!!! Oh but there's more! Good ol' All-American Chuck (Jordan Calloway), who actually WAS almost boiled alive, attempts to out Betty on her 'Dr. Jeckyl/Ms. Hyde' issue that surfaced when a hot tub prank got a bit too out of hand earlier in the season. To our surprise, and viewer delight, Jughead and his Dad actually had a moment, which was completely unexpected, yet felt completely real. Like I said before, Ulrich & Sprouse have stellar chemistry, and the writers seem to know this and obviously derive great pleasure in giving us this moment where the two aren't at total odds and Jughead not only carefully considers, but actually takes his biological father's advice... Providing solid proof that the series isn't trying to meander or stretch out any unnecessary storylines at all. No disrespect to fans of other series broadcast on The CW, but clearly this isn't 'The Flash'. These storylines seem to be heading into important territory at a reasonable pace, and not just hanging around to fulfill an episode number requested by an executive to make sure ad-space quotas are filled... Although I have considered that this could be an issue that the show could run into in its expanded 22-Episode Run that it's been greenlit for S2. There's plenty of juicy drama to go around, but when we see that drama making moves instead of being drawn out, then you know you've got a potentially good show on your hands. For now, 'Riverdale' is back on a solid trajectory, delivering what appears to be a set-up episode for the impending S1 finale... A set-up episode that was easily the most consistent entry to date from start to finish. The impression that an episode as good as this exists to move its characters like chess pieces, seemingly just to put everyone in place for the final three episodes is an exciting notion for the last 3 hours of S1 of 'Riverdale' to come!

[krisiunicornio]

Former caretaker and yogi at Doc Antle’s T.I.G.E.R.S. sanctuary, Barbara Fisher discusses life before and after the wildly successful Netflix documentary

An addictive mix of mind-blowing, true-crime drama featuring gay and straight polygamists, self-identifying rednecks, a cult leader, and a rotating cast of felons and hitmen, Tiger King’s cast of unstable characters makes for tragically entertaining viewing.

What’s the glue that bonds them together?

The taming and keeping of some of the deadliest big cats on the planet, which, turns out, isn’t such an unusual subculture after all.

Doc Antle posing with his Jaguars Onca and Inca 

In the second episode of Tiger King, we learn more about Bhagavan Kevin Antle, aka Doc Antle, the founder of The Institute for Greatly Endangered or Rare Species (T.I.G.E.R.S.) based in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. A devotee of the popular guru Swami Satchidananda (1914–2002), Antle even resided in Satchidananda’s Integral Yoga ashram in central Virginia in the 80s. The ashram, called Yogaville, is where he kept some of his first tigers and an African elephant named Bubbles who he rescued as a calf. The Swami, the founder of Integral Yoga, was frequently photographed with Antle’s tigers, and they even appeared in parades and public celebrations at Yogaville.

Antle’s roots in Eastern philosophy run deep. His great grandmother was a devotee of Paramahansa Yogananda, the world-famous author of Autobiography of a Yogi and one of the first Indian gurus to travel to the U.S. in the twentieth century. His grandmother dabbled in occult mysticism like tarot and séances, and his mother was a California hippie who embraced, in Antle’s words, the “Woodstock lifestyle.” Antle’s mother named him Bhagavan—loosely translated as “one who is blessed” or “enlightened one.” “We weren’t doing kirtan in the living room or anything,” said Antle in a phone call from his home in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. “But, I found it all very fascinating.”

By the time he was 18 (circa 1978), Antle had completed yoga teacher training with Swami Satchidananda at an Ashram in Connecticut. A year later, he moved to Yogaville. Antle describes Satchidananda as very “hands-on” and “involved” teacher at that time. There was a constant influx of other spiritual leaders and teachers who visited the ashram, including Yogi Bhajan and Thich Nhat Hahn.

According to Antle, whose timeline is a bit hazy, he relocated his animals to Myrtle Beach in 1989, and officially opened up Doc Antle's Myrtle Beach Safari to paying visitors sometime around 1992. He actively recruited “apprentices” to help him run his operation. One of those apprentices was Barbara Fisher, who was featured in the Tiger King series.

A young Barabara Fisher with a tiger cub at Doc Antle's Myrtle Beach Safari

From Midwestern Teenager to Tiger Trainer

Born and raised in Ames, Iowa, Fisher started practicing Transcendental Meditation at 16, as a way to cope with her chronic OCD. “I looked up [T.I.G.E.R.S.] on the Internet,” said Fisher. “I was attracted to the fact that [Antle] was a yogi and a vegetarian, and I thought, ‘Well, this must be the place for me.’” She arrived at the compound in 1999, when she was just 19 years old.

Life at Doc Antle’s Myrtle Beach Safari, home to 200 wild animals, was demanding—thanks to 16-hour workdays and no weekends off, according to the documentary. But Bhagavan still found time to lecture his apprentices and employees on the teachings of Satchidananda and take them to private Hatha Yoga classes off-site.

Fisher’s two main responsibilities at the compound were caring for Antle’s small children from a previous marriage and helping to bottle feed newborn tigers, who needed to be fed every three hours.

See also Why Are There So Many Animal Yoga Poses?

Inside the Big Cat “Lifestyle”

Antle had about 12 employees while Fisher worked there, more than half were female, and, according to the documentary, many them had sexual relationships with Antle and were considered “his wives.” Antle contested this in our conversation, saying that he identifies as “single” with a few “girlfriends.”

“We treated him like a guru,” Fisher said. “He expected wholehearted loyalty from his employees at all times.”

One by one, the female apprentices took on spiritual names given to them by Antle. Fisher was renamed “Bala,” which can be translated in Hindi as “female child.” “According to Antle, “Bala” was the name of a nine-year-old goddess. “He did kinda treat me like a child,” she said. “But, I liked it. I love children and I loved childhood.” Shortly thereafter, Fisher had her name legally changed.

See also Is It Ever OK for a Student-Teacher Relationship to Turn Romantic? YJ Investigates

Despite feeling coerced to get breast implants and eventually moving into Antle’s house, Fisher asserts that she never had a sexual relationship with him. However, she admits that he made her deeply uncomfortable on several occasions.

Antle denies any impropriety, and has spoken out publicly about his negative portrayal in the series. He believes that Fisher is living in a “fantasy world.”

“I feel like [Antle’s] connection to either humans or animals are all about what they can do for him. They are all contextual to him,” said Fisher. “When you listen to him talk about people, he talks about their physical attributes, just like the tigers…I don’t think he thinks about their best interest. He only thinks about his agenda.”

See also Learn About Trauma-informed Yoga

Fisher doesn’t mince words. During our 45-minute phone conversation, she called Antle a “psychopath” more than once and compared her experience at T.I.G.E.R.S. to being “in a cult.” She discussed how she needed therapy for PTSD after leaving the compound in 2007. “When you’re in a cult, you can’t use your whole brain. You have to shut down parts of your brain to survive,” she said. “It feels like he was in my head, like he could see my thoughts.”

Fisher credits staying in touch with family and friends for helping her escape the confines of her former life. “They were always there to talk to me. I never felt judged,” she said. “They would tell me the truth, asking why I changed my name or got breast implants, saying ‘this is not you.’ But, I always felt welcome. When I left, they were thrilled.” She believes that several of Doc Antle’s employees who have been there for decades will never leave, because they have no one left or any way to live in the outside world.

Shooting an interview with Barabara Fisher for Tiger King at her home in Iowa

A New Reality

Today, Fisher is a preschool teacher in Iowa, married to her high school crush, Asa Fisher. They have three children. “I took me years to learn how to speak to and interact with people again,” she said. “It still feels weird, because most of my day was spent with animals or the same people.”

She’s working on her Bachelor’s Degree in Early Childhood Education and wants to work with children. “One day, I hope to meet a child that might be like Bhagavan and help them try to feel feelings for people, because I don’t think you can do much when they are an adult,” she said. “But, maybe, when somebody is a little child, they could learn to love in the same capacity normal people do.”

Fisher doesn’t practice yoga anymore, because it causes her anxiety. But, she still loves animals and remains a vegetarian.

Antle, who just turned 60 in March, is still dedicated to his daily practice. “I practice yoga all the time. I meditate all the time,” said Antle. “I have a simple altar set up where I have a yantra. I burn a candle, and I meditate every morning and every night… it can make you feel peaceful, easeful, and useful. That’s all you got to be in life.”

See also 5 Female Gurus to Celebrate Right Now

[cedarrrun]

Former caretaker and yogi at Doc Antle’s T.I.G.E.R.S. sanctuary, Barbara Fisher discusses life before and after the wildly successful Netflix documentary

An addictive mix of mind-blowing, true-crime drama featuring gay and straight polygamists, self-identifying rednecks, a cult leader, and a rotating cast of felons and hitmen, Tiger King’s cast of unstable characters makes for tragically entertaining viewing.

What’s the glue that bonds them together?

The taming and keeping of some of the deadliest big cats on the planet, which, turns out, isn’t such an unusual subculture after all.

Doc Antle posing with his Jaguars Onca and Inca 

In the second episode of Tiger King, we learn more about Bhagavan Kevin Antle, aka Doc Antle, the founder of The Institute for Greatly Endangered or Rare Species (T.I.G.E.R.S.) based in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. A devotee of the popular guru Swami Satchidananda (1914–2002), Antle even resided in Satchidananda’s Integral Yoga ashram in central Virginia in the 80s. The ashram, called Yogaville, is where he kept some of his first tigers and an African elephant named Bubbles who he rescued as a calf. The Swami, the founder of Integral Yoga, was frequently photographed with Antle’s tigers, and they even appeared in parades and public celebrations at Yogaville.

Antle’s roots in Eastern philosophy run deep. His great grandmother was a devotee of Paramahansa Yogananda, the world-famous author of Autobiography of a Yogi and one of the first Indian gurus to travel to the U.S. in the twentieth century. His grandmother dabbled in occult mysticism like tarot and séances, and his mother was a California hippie who embraced, in Antle’s words, the “Woodstock lifestyle.” Antle’s mother named him Bhagavan—loosely translated as “one who is blessed” or “enlightened one.” “We weren’t doing kirtan in the living room or anything,” said Antle in a phone call from his home in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. “But, I found it all very fascinating.”

By the time he was 18 (circa 1978), Antle had completed yoga teacher training with Swami Satchidananda at an Ashram in Connecticut. A year later, he moved to Yogaville. Antle describes Satchidananda as very “hands-on” and “involved” teacher at that time. There was a constant influx of other spiritual leaders and teachers who visited the ashram, including Yogi Bhajan and Thich Nhat Hahn.

According to Antle, whose timeline is a bit hazy, he relocated his animals to Myrtle Beach in 1989, and officially opened up Doc Antle's Myrtle Beach Safari to paying visitors sometime around 1992. He actively recruited “apprentices” to help him run his operation. One of those apprentices was Barbara Fisher, who was featured in the Tiger King series.

A young Barabara Fisher with a tiger cub at Doc Antle's Myrtle Beach Safari

From Midwestern Teenager to Tiger Trainer

Born and raised in Ames, Iowa, Fisher started practicing Transcendental Meditation at 16, as a way to cope with her chronic OCD. “I looked up [T.I.G.E.R.S.] on the Internet,” said Fisher. “I was attracted to the fact that [Antle] was a yogi and a vegetarian, and I thought, ‘Well, this must be the place for me.’” She arrived at the compound in 1999, when she was just 19 years old.

Life at Doc Antle’s Myrtle Beach Safari, home to 200 wild animals, was demanding—thanks to 16-hour workdays and no weekends off, according to the documentary. But Bhagavan still found time to lecture his apprentices and employees on the teachings of Satchidananda and take them to private Hatha Yoga classes off-site.

Fisher’s two main responsibilities at the compound were caring for Antle’s small children from a previous marriage and helping to bottle feed newborn tigers, who needed to be fed every three hours.

See also Why Are There So Many Animal Yoga Poses?

Inside the Big Cat “Lifestyle”

Antle had about 12 employees while Fisher worked there, more than half were female, and, according to the documentary, many them had sexual relationships with Antle and were considered “his wives.” Antle contested this in our conversation, saying that he identifies as “single” with a few “girlfriends.”

“We treated him like a guru,” Fisher said. “He expected wholehearted loyalty from his employees at all times.”

One by one, the female apprentices took on spiritual names given to them by Antle. Fisher was renamed “Bala,” which can be translated in Hindi as “female child.” “According to Antle, “Bala” was the name of a nine-year-old goddess. “He did kinda treat me like a child,” she said. “But, I liked it. I love children and I loved childhood.” Shortly thereafter, Fisher had her name legally changed.

See also Is It Ever OK for a Student-Teacher Relationship to Turn Romantic? YJ Investigates

Despite feeling coerced to get breast implants and eventually moving into Antle’s house, Fisher asserts that she never had a sexual relationship with him. However, she admits that he made her deeply uncomfortable on several occasions.

Antle denies any impropriety, and has spoken out publicly about his negative portrayal in the series. He believes that Fisher is living in a “fantasy world.”

“I feel like [Antle’s] connection to either humans or animals are all about what they can do for him. They are all contextual to him,” said Fisher. “When you listen to him talk about people, he talks about their physical attributes, just like the tigers…I don’t think he thinks about their best interest. He only thinks about his agenda.”

See also Learn About Trauma-informed Yoga

Fisher doesn’t mince words. During our 45-minute phone conversation, she called Antle a “psychopath” more than once and compared her experience at T.I.G.E.R.S. to being “in a cult.” She discussed how she needed therapy for PTSD after leaving the compound in 2007. “When you’re in a cult, you can’t use your whole brain. You have to shut down parts of your brain to survive,” she said. “It feels like he was in my head, like he could see my thoughts.”

Fisher credits staying in touch with family and friends for helping her escape the confines of her former life. “They were always there to talk to me. I never felt judged,” she said. “They would tell me the truth, asking why I changed my name or got breast implants, saying ‘this is not you.’ But, I always felt welcome. When I left, they were thrilled.” She believes that several of Doc Antle’s employees who have been there for decades will never leave, because they have no one left or any way to live in the outside world.

Shooting an interview with Barabara Fisher for Tiger King at her home in Iowa

A New Reality

Today, Fisher is a preschool teacher in Iowa, married to her high school crush, Asa Fisher. They have three children. “I took me years to learn how to speak to and interact with people again,” she said. “It still feels weird, because most of my day was spent with animals or the same people.”

She’s working on her Bachelor’s Degree in Early Childhood Education and wants to work with children. “One day, I hope to meet a child that might be like Bhagavan and help them try to feel feelings for people, because I don’t think you can do much when they are an adult,” she said. “But, maybe, when somebody is a little child, they could learn to love in the same capacity normal people do.”

Fisher doesn’t practice yoga anymore, because it causes her anxiety. But, she still loves animals and remains a vegetarian.

Antle, who just turned 60 in March, is still dedicated to his daily practice. “I practice yoga all the time. I meditate all the time,” said Antle. “I have a simple altar set up where I have a yantra. I burn a candle, and I meditate every morning and every night… it can make you feel peaceful, easeful, and useful. That’s all you got to be in life.”

See also 5 Female Gurus to Celebrate Right Now