#on a more serious note: it’s an incredible display of trust that he knows his team will catch him no matter what

[the-woman-upstairs]

Ethan constantly telling his team members to just “figure it out” when something goes wrong, but then is always shocked when they come up with an outlandish alternative plan he has to pull off. Like…my dude, my guy…

[ere-the-sun-rises]

Why Certain Male Superheroes Have Such A Strong Female Fanbase

I discussed this on another post, but I think the trend of certain male superheroes having huge female fanbases has its roots in how relatable their characterization and struggles are. Despite being male characters, they are very strongly female-coded. I’ll use four examples, two Marvel (specifically their MCU portrayals) and two DC: Tony Stark, Bucky Barnes, Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson.

I apologize in advance if you click the Read More, this will be a very long post.

Tony Stark gets a lot of shit from the fandom, especially after Civil War. Yet, he remains arguably the most popular character from the entire series and adored by female fans. I think there’s a very good reason for that - he takes on a very female-coded role in relation to everyone else he interacts with.

For starters, he’s constantly slut-shamed. Steve, in particular, takes his sexual habits as a measure of his reliability and ability to be serious/commit. He alludes to knowing Tony from news coverage in A1, and we know from JARVIS’ quip in IM2 that Tony’s sexual escapades are highly covered by media. He looks down on Tony for his displays of sexuality (and more importantly, how shameless he is about them). Mia in IM3 also takes her digs at him about this.

His intelligence is constantly underestimated. Tony is incredibly smart and knows what he’s doing. In every Avengers movie, he is the one who formulates and carries out the plans that save the day. He is the plot device through which everything gets resolved, yet no one actually gives that any weight. In A1, Hill needles him about Selvig’s notes. In AoU, no one listens to him when he tries to explain that he was not responsible for Ultron gaining sentience or turning evil. In Civil War, Steve doesn’t listen to him when he tries to explain his decision to agree to the Sokovia Accords. Don Cheadle’s Rhodey never has any faith in Tony’s actions and constantly treats him like a child in need of supervision.

His emotions are continually disregarded. A major plot point in IM2 is Tony’s Reactor poisoning him. He exhibits all the signs of a suicidal person (even though he’s not) - giving his possessions away, retreating from public and personal life, making rash and/or unsafe decisions, emotional instability - but neither Pepper nor Rhodey even notice. In Civil War, when he tries to relay the human cost of the Sokovia disaster to the team (when we were shown how much that affected him), they dismiss his emotional outreach as manipulative. Steve disregards his friendship at every turn (indeed, being actively hostile to him through almost all of AoU) and doesn’t trust him at all (not telling him that Bucky was programmed). He also doesn’t consider that Tony may have feelings about finding out that his parents were murdered and seems surprised that Tony would be distraught. He never apologizes for hiding such important information, or even admits he shouldn’t have. When Tony returns from space in A:IW, he’s dismissive of Tony’s anger. Right until the end of A:E, Tony has to ask if Steve trusts him to make the right decision and Tony isn’t certain the answer will be yes. Natasha also treats him like he’s unrelentingly selfish, despite having been close enough to him to be wearing his clothes (in CA:WS, she’s wearing the same sweater Tony was wearing in IM2 when the only other person she does this to is Clint, with whom she is incredibly close).

Another major theme is the continued violation of his bodily autonomy. IM1 establishes that Tony’s autonomy is represented by his Reactor and armour, and that his use of both are a means to regain control over his autonomy. Obadiah continually enters Tony’s personal space without invitation or reciprocation, going so far as to undress him without permission to look at the Reactor and this comes to a head with the theft of his Reactor. Pepper gets upset with Tony about his suits in IM3, even hinging the continuation of their relationship on him getting rid of them without addressing why he’s so reliant on them. Steve in CW, once he has Tony on the ground, goes right for the Reactor (not to mention that Tony raises his arms like he anticipated that Steve was going to behead him). Then Steve leaves him there.

I think Tony appeals to so many female fans because it’s so easy to see the way we are ignored, overridden, used and discarded in him. He never seems to be good enough for the ones that he loves. He also knows he can’t turn to any of his closest people for comfort and doesn’t bother to try. He’s been taught by experience that if he’s disruptive or not useful, he’s not welcome. It’s incredibly difficult for him to accept kindness, but very easy to shoulder blame and responsibility. He’s easily hurt, but so good at concealing it no one notices. No one takes him seriously in anything he does, even when he’s proven it with actions. He’s always fighting against preconceived notions of him that aren’t him.

 | | |

Despite being a physically imposing character with a deadly skill-set and high body-count, Bucky is characterized almost exclusively as a caregiver or a victim.

In CA:TFA, he’s got a severe case of “Eldest Daughter Syndrome”, concerned above all with making sure that Steve is taken care of and kept from harm. Bucky consistently cleans up after Steve, both by running off the people he fights and ensuring that Steve’s living situation is assured. As the team sniper, he’s always watching Steve’s back and making sure he doesn’t get hurt. Steve loves Bucky, but he doesn’t ever take care of him. In CW and afterward, Bucky’s still more concerned for Steve than himself. He would have resigned himself to whatever punishment INTERPOL would have give him, and it’s not until Steve is threatened in their fight with Tony that he actually gets involved. Even in FATWS, he helps Sam not only with the terrorists, but with the boat and he reaches out to the Wakandans to replace the Falcon suit that got destroyed. He helps Sam train with the shield, even mentioning that he was the one who helped Steve get a handle on how to use it.

His victimization also starts near-immediately, with him being the sole survivor of Zola’s experiments in CA:TFA. He’s victimized and abusively controlled through his entire time as the Winter Soldier. Like Tony, his autonomy is also materially symbolized by his arm, which is used against him by Natasha in CA:WS and Ayo in FATWS. Perhaps most upsettingly relatable, he’s held accountable for the actions of the Winter Soldier in FATWS as exemplified by the therapist, who victim-blames him and seems more concerned with checking off a box for the government than actually helping him recover in any meaningful way. Zemo capitalizes on this spectacularly in FATWS.

I think a lot of women can relate to the kind of exhausted resignation of Bucky. He’s so rarely in control of anything that happens to him, but he still tries to be useful and kind when he can. He’s scared and hurt and alone, abandoned by the only person he knew in a world completely alien and hostile to him. His body language screams for someone to take care of him, but he’d die before asking for it. He tries so desperately not to be a burden, but always feels like one. He’ll put the needs of those he cares for above himself without exception, even when it causes him a lot of distress. His body and skills don’t feel like they belong to him, and he feels like it’s only a matter of time before someone steals them away again.

 | | |

Bruce Wayne as Batman might seem like an odd example, and there are certainly iterations of him that won’t fit this characterization. However, there’s a lot about him that is highly relatable to the feminine experience.

For starters, he’s guilt-ridden as shit. Bruce always takes it hard and personal when something goes wrong, even when he’s not responsible for it. This is most obvious in relation to his parents or Jason Todd, where he blames himself for something he didn’t do and couldn’t control. While every failure he has is met with a practical reassessment of his tactics, he also looks inward, trying to find what it is about him personally that makes these things happen and/or why he isn’t enough to stop it. He has a tendency to just accept blame instead of pushing back (ei. whenever Jason throws his death in his face).

He’s been raped. However much it may be payed down, Talia drugged and had non-consensual sex with him to conceive Damian.

His main motivation isn’t revenge, it’s prevention. While he’s not above revenge, the purpose behind Batman is to ensure that tragedies don’t have the chance to happen and that, even though he uses violence to accomplish his goals, he will never be the source of that tragedy. He wants to lash out in violent retaliation, but he cares more about redressing the balance of pain than he does inflicting it back. That’s how he can be friendly with people like Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy and Two-Face.

Bruce is a single mom at his core. He might not be the best parent all or even some of the time, but he loves his children and would do almost anything for them. He gets accused of creating child soldiers (both in canon and by fans), but none of his kids are soldiers to him. They work for him as Batman, but they are so much more than his co-vigilantes. He loves them like a parent and would die for any one of them. Indeed, this is a sentiment that extends to a few members of the JLA too, especially amongst the OG crew.

Bruce’s emotions are also discounted a lot, though that’s generally because he’s taken as cold and emotionless. He feels very deeply, about nearly everything, but he’s very good at hiding it. He views his heart as incredibly vulnerable and so only reveals it to a select few. The more this backfires on him, the less he’s willing to open up and the more guarded he becomes. He cares so much, but he’s so gripped by the fear of being hurt that it has to be forcefully pried out of him.

Brucie Wayne is an expertly crafted persona that plays into the female stereotype of “ditzy bimbo”. The “tall, dark and handsome” persona could have done just as well for his public face, playing into a more mysterious and alluring figure, but he chose to portray himself as a charming drunk, always down for a good time and with all the depth of a puddle. Brucie Wayne is such a shallow and vapid personality, comparable only to that of Paris Hilton’s public profile.

As I said, not every Bruce Wayne is portrayed this way, but some of the more famous examples of him certainly are: Kevin Conroy (Batman: The Animated Series/Justice League Unlimited/The Arkham games), Bruce Greenwood (DCAMU, Young Justice), Robert Pattinson (The Batman 2022) and arguably even Ben Affleck (DCEU). He’s capable of being brutal, demanding and uncompromising, but he ultimately wants the pain to stop, not to inflict it.

I think a lot of women see him almost as a kind of power fantasy, a way to exact violent vengeance on the ones who hurt people but maintain an inner kindness. This may be a bit of a self-projection, but I also think women can relate to his “going too far” notion - for those who have been victims before, it is so, so easy to slip into the cycle of perpetuation and become the abuser. He manages to thread the needle of striking back at an abuser without becoming one.

 | | |

Dick Grayson is perhaps one of the most sexualized male characters in existence, and almost exclusively catering to the female audience, particularly once he’s Nightwing. He’s kind, warm, funny, charming, attractive and considerate. But I think a lot of his appeal comes not only from being made of boyfriend material, but the way he demonstrates these attributes.

Dick pretty generally falls into the Eldest Daughter role once he’s an adult, becoming very close with his siblings and often acting as an intermediary between Bruce and the other kids. He’s the one that the rest of the family turns to when something happens to Bruce, and he’s often the one to take up the temporary mantle of Batman when Bruce is otherwise unable. Even with the Teen Titans, he’s a tentpole figure that guides his teammates and helps them mature despite often being the same age or younger than them.

Partly due to his past as a performer, Dick is a people-pleaser. This goes for his home life, romantic relationships and general public persona. Dick is Bruce’s charming first son, Bludhaven’s affable vigilante or [insert love interest]’s considerate boyfriend. He’s a lot more genuine in his public persona than Bruce is, but he’s gracious in the way a retail employee is - a certain measure of forced cheer that’s expected of him. 

The way other characters sexualize Dick is also very female-coded. They always comment on his body, the tightness of his suit and how pretty he is. While they may also comment on his charm or personality, often the first things they discuss are physical. He usually plays along with this in good humour, but even other members of his family who share a lot of characteristics - Bruce, Tim, Jason, older Damian - don’t get the same kind of horny-on-main attention. He’s also usually paired with very strong/dominating love interests (Donna, Kory, Barbara) and has a tendency to be more passive in the relationship and get pursued when dating.

I think Dick acts like a lot of women do (or feel like they have to): upbeat and cheerful, attentive to their partners/family and always available for emotional caretaking. His body is a spectacle that receives unsolicited comment and judgment constantly. He fills the gaps where Bruce falls short and struggled to find his own path and identity away from the needs of his family.

 | | |

Women are used to having to relate to male characters in media, since female characters are generally so sparse, inauthentic or underdeveloped. I think that’s why, when we see ourselves in male characters, we latch onto them so tightly and care about them so much. While none of these attributes are exclusive to women, there’s a certain way that these aspects of characterization blend together that is generally more familiar to women than it is so men. There’s an echo of lived experience in their portrayals that hits very close to home.

[acopenhagenarmy]

HOLLANDS, MINS AND KIMS - CHAPTER TWO

Pairing: BTS x reader but mostly hyung-line x reader  Side pairings: Jimin x Taehyung, Jimin x Ateez!Wooyoung, reader x Ateez!Seonghwa

Mafia!au - gang!au - assassins!au 

Word count: 4k ish

Warnings: Mentions of death, nudity and sex apart from that some strong language. And I think that’s it for now.. 

Summary: Growing up in one of the biggest and most feared mafias has it’s perks, but what happens when you and you’re friends are suddenly shipped off to the other end of the world? Will you stay together or will the world you live in tear you all apart? 

NOTE: THIS IS THE UPDATED VERSION OF MY HEART RUNS TO YOU

-> NEXT CHAPTER

You looked out of the window, as you watched the scenery, that was the world, flash by before your eyes. Your head was pounding with an incredible hangover from the day before, and no amount of sparkling water in first class was able to dull it.

You heard a groan from the boy beside your own little cubicle and looked at Jungkook stretching his body in the seat/bed that he was stuck in for the next few hours. He gave you a puzzled look.

“What’s up love? Are you alright?” He grinned at you as he turned his body towards you to look you in the eye. You mirrored his action and rested your head on one of your hands, as the other laid down your body.

“No Kook, I’m not. Gosh I’m dying from this crazy ass hangover! Why did you guys convince me to take all those tequila shots? I mean seriously, I think I was dancing at the tables at one point.”

A loud laughter erupted from his throat. “Oh trust me you did, and Jimin has the videos to prove it!”

You rolled your eyes at the statement, and not long after you could hear Jimin yell.

“Hey you wanna see it?!”

You sat up in your chair, looking back on the twin who was seated in his own pod behind you. 

“Of course I don’t wanna see it you idiot! There’s no need to relive it!”

The three boys laughed and Hoseok and Jimin quickly returned to their previous conversation. You could feel Jungkook’s eyes lingering as your hand ran over the katana that leaned against your seat.

“But seriously Y/N, are you okay?” His voice was nothing more than a whisper as he tried his best to keep your conversation private. To be honest, you weren’t quite sure yourself, and sighed to buy yourself a little extra time.

“I don’t know… I’m a little afraid. I’m afraid I will end up being a disappointment and therefore not live up to what’s expected of me. It’s just, what if I fail?” You look into the eyes of the handsome man beside you, a man you trusted with your life, and all he could think about was the terror he saw reflected in them.

His eyes scanned your face, with a serious look you hadn’t seen in a long time. But he didn’t know what to tell you to keep your mind from wandering to those dark places. And he couldn’t help but wonder if you really didn’t know how amazingly talented you were? How beautiful…

His eyes lingered at your plush lips who were so close he wanted to reach out and touch them, but he composed himself quickly before you had any chance of noticing the longing in his eyes. He coughed and sent his signature bunny smile your way.

“You are too hard on yourself. Your father has chosen you as his successor because of the talents you’ve displayed from an early age. If there was anyone better suited for the job it would be them sitting in this seat with that katana and you know it”

You sighed and leaned back into your seat as you looked up into the sealing.

“I know but-“

“No but’s Y/N, don’t let all of those small-minded men get to you, don’t believe for one second you weren’t born to do this. Don’t doubt yourself… Okay?”

“Okay… Thank you Jungkook”

You sent a sweet smile his way as you took his large hand in yours. Squeezing it a little. A small hum left you as you closed your eyes.

“Why all the humming?” Hoseok said behind the two of you

“I just took Jungkook’s hand. And you know it’s so big and manly compared to Jimin’s delicate ones, just a nice contrast, that’s all” You shrugged your shoulders as laughter erupted all over, not only from the boys but the staff as well.

“Fuck you Y/N!”

“That’s what you get for taking embarrassing photos of me!”

You’d always been the most you surrounded by these men.

You’d all been dropped off outside the school. It was a high-class neighborhood, very unlike what any of you had imagined for a school for mafia kids and assassins. You looked at each other, picked up your bags and walked towards the entrance.

The doors were opened in front of you as you were about to pull the handle, startling you a bit. Instinctively you reached out for your katana that was placed in its holder on your back.

A girl stood before you with a beaming smile and red locks framed her face. You looked at Jimin beside you who quickly let go of his gun as he shook his head. After all, a smile that big, wasn’t usually an indicator of danger.

“Welcome guys!” The British accent was not to be mistaken, and she continued: “I hope you’ve all had a pleasant flight!” She turned towards Jimin and the boys almost completely ignored your presence and bowed.

“We’ve set up your rooms and I hope they live up to your standard. You are the last one to arrive, but it’ll be easier for you to say hi to everyone that way I guess”

There was no doubt in your mind that she’d seen the tattoo on his neck and naturally assumed that he was next in line for the throne. You were used to it by now, but poor girl, she was sucking up to the wrong person. Just like you Jimin had his stripes tattooed as it was the costume when the boss had more than one child. It did however get people in trouble a lot of the time. 

Jimin kept his eyes on you, trying to interrupt the young girl and correct her assumptions. But there was no stopping her.

“If you all just come with me, I’ll show…”

“You’ll all have to excuse my father’s stupid ass assistant, for some reason this girl doesn’t know the meaning of a bloody katana” A voice said behind the redhead. 

A laugh erupted from all you, as she sent a puzzled and worried look towards you. You just shook your head and gave her a smile.

The boy who was leaned up against the staircase waved his hands towards the girl and said: “Shoo little girl, and let me give these people a proper welcome”

You dropped your bags and walked towards him, embracing him in a warm and friendly hug. “Tom… Gosh it’s been too long!”

He pulled you away and rested his hand on your cheek and gave you a beaming smile “I know love, I’m sorry I haven’t been to visit for the last few years. But my mother has been stuffing my head with knowledge, I guess you’ve been in the same situation with your dad?”

“Yeah can’t deny that one” You returned his smile and rested your hand on top of his, leaning into his touch. Tom and his family were close allies with yours, and you didn’t mind one bit. The two of you had worked closely all your lives to make sure that the family’s contact in Britain was stronger than ever. After all, he was the one to take over his family’s dynasty.

His mother had taken over her family business, which is how she met his father. A charming man who was the principal of the halls you now walked. Because of his mother, Tom had learned from an early age that women were just as powerful, if not even more than men. Which was another reason why the two of you were so close.

You finally let go of each other to allow the boys to say hi to their friend as well. Jimin basically jumped into his arms as he screamed “Holland!” through the hall. He returned the happy welcome with a “Park!” the two of them laughing as they stood in the hallway in the arms of the other.

After they’ve all catched up a little he led you all up the stairs to what he called the dorms.

“They are a lot bigger than American dorm rooms on college campuses, so don’t worry there should be enough space for you all. The bigger families live in this hall which is where you’ll be staying as well. And don’t worry I’m close by as well” He winked at you, earning him an eye roll from all the boys. 

He then opened a door that led you all to a big hall. People were running back and forth between the rooms trying to get their belongings from the right suitcases. Everything from makeup-bags to shoes and guns were thrown from one room to another.

It was a sight for sore eyes. All the young men and women who the world feared and wanted to bring down, had come together in one building. Any outsider would fear every one of you and run to the hills if they saw the hall that lied before you. But you, however, felt right at home.

The door behind you shut closed and the room became quiet as all eyes were on you. People knew the four of you by reputation, but none except the Holland family had met you up until now. And suddenly you were grateful that you’d dressed somewhat intimidatingly.

Your hair hung loose and framed your face. You wore a tight fitted t-shirt and completely black cargo pants. Held up by a belt. Your katana was on full display, as you could see the handle stick out beside your head. Letting people know exactly who you were. The same did the tattoo and the ring on your left arm and hand.

The boys were dressed similarly, Jungkook in a turtleneck and a bumper jacket, Hoseok in his Dior attire with the sniper case in hand. And Jimin in a v-neck which showed off his tattoo that traveled from his neck to his chest.

You didn’t know exactly what people were thinking, but you could see both the respect and fear displayed on their faces. As you walked past people they started talking once again, getting back to their crackhead behavior. And when you were almost at the end of the hall a boy came running out one of the rooms, stopping you in your tracks.

He had light, almost silver blond hair and a gummy smile on his lips as he crashed into the wall on the other side. In his arms he had both towels and clothes, making you wonder what exactly he’d been up too. He rested against the wall, laughing.

Not long after you heard a yell from the room which the silver-boy had just escaped.

“Hyung!!!”

A blue haired boy came out into the hall completely naked, with only his hands covering his junk.

“Give it back now! Jesus Christ Yoongi I’m not in the mood for this right now okay?” His eyes were focused on the boy who was now sitting on the floor trying to contain his laughter, not even realising you and the five other people who had a perfect view of his naked form.

“A-hem…” Tom cleared his throat to get his attention. His eyes suddenly landed on you and the boys which caused a deep blush to creep up in that amazingly gorgeous face of his. He gave you an embarrassed boxy smile and bowed towards all of you.

“You’ll have to excuse me; this was not how I wanted to greet you…” His smile disappeared quickly as he looked back at the boy, which you assumed to be Yoongi. Rage was burning in his eyes.

“Okay, so now you’ve humiliated me in front of them, can I please have my clothes back?!”

The boy stood up and shoved the fabrics into the hands of the boy.

“Sure Tae, but remember to keep them hidden, or I might come back” He winked at the man who quickly ran back into his room.

With a smile still on display he straightened his shirt and turned towards you. He was every bit as beautiful as the other, there was a spark in his hooded eyes and. it almost took your breath away. 

“Blade Park I assume?” he raised one of his brows as he looked into your eyes, as well as your soul. You figured the man was used to women who crumbled before him. But you were no ordinary woman.

“You are correct Min Yoongi” You returned his stern but somehow flirty look and decided that a little smirk wouldn’t be completely unprofessional, and he returned it a split second later. 

“I hope they didn’t scare you off with their somewhat childish behaviour. I promise they’re usually a lot more professional” A voice said. 

Up against one of the door frames stood a man taller than most. He looked right through you, as his dragon eyes searched for your soul. His smile was big, and revealed a dimple in either side of his cheeks. You could feel how your finger twitched as your intrusive thoughts told you to poke them. 

His arms were crossed over his chest that looked both rock hard, and like the world's most comfortable pillow. And on his left arm was a dragon tattooed in all of its glory. Unlike your tattoo his were colourful, and it was made in a way that almost made it look like it was about to fly off his skin and into the world. It was beautiful. He was beautiful. 

“Kim Namjoon. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you” You smiled, but refused to bow even though it might’ve been the polite thing to do. 

He smirked at you and took three long strides towards you before he bowed down in a 90 degree angle before you. “Trust me, the pleasure is all mine Park” 

He looked over the men who stood behind you, ready to pounce on sight if he were to attack you. He would never admit it, but his heart was pounding in his chest. And all he could do was concentrate on his breathing whenever his eyes met yours. He hoped his voice wouldn’t fail him, at least not in front of you. 

There was something about him, it was almost as if he hid behind this hard, smug and flirty persona. But something told you that there was more to him than what he showed you in this exact moment. You would love to break all of his walls just to learn what secrets his eyes held. 

The Kim family were also a Korean based mafia. Your biggest competitors even though your dynasty were far more successful. The Parks dealt in weapons and assassinations, both public and under the radar, where the Kims were more into hacking, poison and espionage. It did however mean that you never had problems with stealing deals from one another, and because of that there was no bad blood between your families. 

Despite the occasional stealing talent from the ranks of each other's trainees. You knew Namjoons father had approached Hoseok at one point, just as your father had tried to sweet talk Namjoons older brother. 

You could feel Hoseok's restlessness by your side, you knew all he wanted was to grab you and pull you far away from the black haired boy who stood before you. But instead he gave him a nod, acknowledging that he after all held a higher position than he did.

Namjoon looked towards Hoseok and as he crossed his heavily tattooed arms in front of his chest he said: “Ahh you must be the famous J-hope! I’ve seen your work, you’re skilled, might be one of the best assassins to come out of Asia in generations! I would’ve loved to have you by my side” 

Hoseok was incredibly talented with whatever weapon the situation demanded from him. But behind the ruthless killer was a sunshine personality and a kindness unlike any other. Which is why you nicknamed him Hope ten years ago, a name he’d chosen to keep. It was a little sinister, but he'd always said it fit. 

“My loyalty can’t be bought, it’s earned. So maybe it’s for the best” Hoseok said as he smiled coldly at Namjoon. But his eyes never left you, which made Namjoon believe his statement. 

He did his best to kill the smile that was threatening to make an appearance, and luckily for him his thoughts were distracted by a voice who called out his name. He turned his body towards the sound, but his eyes never left the four of you.

“Jin get out here and meet the Parks”

A figure almost as tall as Namjoon appeared from one of the rooms and he was a sight for sore eyes. He looked as wide as Jimin was tall. His lips were plump and looked almost like a heart, his skin was flawless and the purple strands of hair made him look like he belonged at Olympus with the gods. 

“Blade, I would like to introduce you to my older brother, Seokjin” Namjoon said as he gestured towards him. 

“Kim Seokjin?” You said as you looked at him. He bowed before you and as his eyes captured yours as he said: “In the flesh miss Park”

“You have quite the reputation Seokjin”

“Please call me Jin”

“Jin… My father speaks highly of you, apparently you are the one to get a hold of if you need any kind of poison?”

He sent you a look and a small and shy smile.

“Well I’ll take that as a compliment, but yes, I guess I’m your guy then”

“If I needed help with a discrete job, would you be open for a discussion?” 

“I don’t do dirty work, but for a discussion amongst friends? I’ll clear my schedule, just let me know” He sounded like his voice was dipped in honey. Sweet and alluring. 

Namjoon looked at his feet and twisted his ring on his left hand. He wasn’t pleased with the eyes you send towards his brother, not that he wasn’t used to him stealing all the women's attention whenever he walked into a room, but somehow it bothered him that he stole yours. 

You smiled at his little tick, a warm smile that was rare for anyone other than your family to see. Cute, he does it too. You thought. 

He quickly catched your eyes, and sent what felt like a genuine smile back at you. It almost made you blush. Almost. 

You then looked towards Yoongi, the gummy smiled man who apparently was a stealer of clothes. 

“And this is Yoongi, he’s my right-hand man”

He looked sleepy, and a little bored. A big contrast to your first encounter a few minutes ago. He bowed like the others and sent a small wave your way. 

“I’ve studied you from afar Blade, tell me why that nickname?” Yoongi asked

Just as you were about to speak you heard Jungkook’s voice, you turned to look at the man as he spoke. His face held no emotion, and he stared down the tree men as he spoke.

“She’s the best with a katana our dynasty has ever seen, yours too if I’m not mistaken”

You could see the impressed expressions in the faces before you. An embarrassed giggle left your throat before you had a chance to kill it and looked at your feet while you twisted your ring, just as Namjoon had done a minute ago. Cute. He thought. Your hair tried to hide your face and the blush that came creeping in after Jungkook's compliment. 

The boys all smiled at the sound, each of them wondering just how it would feel to be the one to tuck the strands of hair behind your ear. Jimin didn’t let their looks go unnoticed, as he made himself a mental note to keep you as far away from them as he could.

“Impressive… That I must say, but if you don’t mind me asking, what is your name?”

“That’ll be something you learn when you’ve earned my respect Namjoon”

You saw a spark in his eyes, but it disappeared as quickly as it had appeared, making you wonder if it was even there in the first place.

“Hey, where’s Taehyung?” Jin asked.

“Naked guy? I think he was getting dressed…” Jimin answered.

“Yoongi you didn’t” Jin groaned as he brought his large hand to his face.

“Hey! Don’t act like you’ve never teased our maknae” His gummy smile was once again on full display and the spark had returned to his eyes. 

“Maybe it would be a good idea to go check on him, you know how he gets if we leave him alone for too long” Namjoon said 

“That however is a universal maknae thing I think” You said and looked at Jungkook who smiled back at you. 

Tom started shifting his weight from one foot to another, an indicator that it was about time they got moving. After all, you hadn’t settled in yet.

“I think we’ll get going guys, it was nice meeting you”

“Hope to see you soon,” Namjoon answered, but it wasn’t more than a whisper, so you never heard it. 

As you walked past them Hoseok draped his long arm around your shoulders, hoping the brothers would know who you belonged to. 

Namjoon walked back into his room with a giant smile on his lips. Public displays of affection were always annoying and always felt unnecessary to him. But this time around he almost laughed at the attempt to establish dominance. 

“What’s wrong hyung?”

He looked up at Taehyung's face, he looked like a giant question mark with his big eyes and slightly open mouth. He winked at him, hoping it would calm his mind. 

“Nothing Tae, it’s nothing…” He said. 

Taehyung took a few steps towards the bed as he dried his still wet hair in the towel. He playfully hit Namjoons leg, and he moved it to make room for him on the bed.

“Are you sure?” 

The young man had his arms crossed before his chest. Namjoon had always been different from his brothers, more extroverted, more vocal but still more calm and down to earth. Both Jin and Tae were walking flirts, beautiful as if they’d been sculpted by Aphrodite herself, and yet they were introverted, each of them living in their own worlds, that only he could pull them from. 

It was why he was chosen as leader instead of Seokjin. He had the ability to be great, and his parents had known that since he was born. It was as if it was written in the stars. 

“No?” he sighed as he stood up. “I don't know what I’m feeling” 

“You wanna work with her don’t you? You want her as an ally” 

“That and so much more, but you don’t just ask a woman like that for what you want,” Namjoon said as he buried his face in his hands. 

“Why?”

Namjoon made a face and looked at Taehyung with disbelief written all over it.

“You have to earn it little brother, and that takes time. Lot’s and lots of time.” 

Taehyung shrugged his shoulders and answered

“So?” Taehyung answered. I mean we’re here for a year, she now lives just two doors down, this is like the best chance you’ll ever get. 

“He’s not wrong Namjoon,” Yoongi said from the bathroom that connected his room to his leaders. “In the end we’re here to get allies, she might be up for it. 

“How about we start out by settling in and then we can think about all of this later on?” 

“We can do that, but be honest… You just wanna lay down and daydream about Blade” Yoongi teased as he quickly dodged the pillow Namjoon had thrown his way.

[michellesmusing]

What if Paul (my boyfriend) and Garcia Flynn had to work together in a Mechanic shop? This is Hilarious! I didn't write this one though, I've asked The AI to come up with something for my own amusement hahah! I'm so showing this to Paul 🤣🤣🤣

Gears of Discontent

The air was thick with grease and the pungent scent of oil as Paul Becker wiped his calloused hands on an equally grimy rag. At fifty-nine, he was an old-school mechanic, the type who had seen cars transform from simple machines into complex computers on wheels. He prided himself on knowing every inch of the engines that passed through his garage. However, there was one engine that Paul had no interest in learning about: the one that belonged to Garcia Flynn, the new technician he was forced to work alongside.

Garcia was an ex-NSA agent, a tall, dark-haired man who had more charm in his little finger than Paul had in his entire body. At fifty-two, he had a certain rugged appeal, but it was his mysterious past that fascinated everyone at the shop—everyone except Paul. To Paul, Garcia was just another pest, a smooth-talking interloper who had waltzed into his life and turned everything upside down.

It was a bright Monday morning when things came to a head. Paul had been struggling to diagnose the issues with an old Ford Mustang when Garcia sauntered in, his usual swagger on display. Paul looked up from his workbench, irritation flaring in his chest.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Garcia greeted, his voice as smooth as the oil he often spilled. “Need a hand with that dinosaur?”

“I don’t need help from an ex-spook,” Paul grumbled, refusing to look up. “Especially one who thinks he can charm his way into my garage.”

Garcia chuckled, unfazed. “You might be surprised, Paul. I can do more than just charm. I can fix cars too.”

Paul huffed. “I’ve been fixing cars for over thirty years. I think I can handle it.”

As the day wore on, the tension between the two men grew thicker than the grease on the floor. Paul tried to work on the Mustang, but every time he reached for a tool, he could feel Garcia’s eyes on him. It didn’t help that Paul’s girlfriend, Michelle, had taken a liking to the new mechanic. She would come by the shop to bring Paul lunch and end up staying to chat with Garcia, her laughter echoing in the dimly lit garage.

Paul gritted his teeth as he watched Michelle lean against the workbench, her eyes sparkling as she listened to one of Garcia’s stories about his days in the field. It was infuriating. Every time she smiled at Garcia, a stab of jealousy pierced Paul’s heart. He tried to ignore it, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was losing her attention to this man.

“Hey, Paul,” Michelle called one afternoon, her voice bright as she entered the garage. “Garcia just told me about this incredible operation he was a part of in Eastern Europe. Can you believe it?”

“Yeah, I can believe it,” Paul snapped, wiping his hands on his rag and turning away. “He’s probably full of crap.”

“Paul, come on,” she said, her tone shifting to a more serious note. “He’s really interesting. You should give him a chance.”

“Why? So I can hear more of his tales about how he saved the world?” Paul retorted, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Michelle frowned, her brow furrowing in frustration. “You’re being unfair. Just because you don’t like him doesn’t mean you have to act like this.”

Paul couldn’t stand the thought of Michelle’s admiration for Garcia. “I just don’t trust the guy,” he said, trying to keep his voice calm. “He’s too perfect. There’s something off about him.”

“Maybe you should try getting to know him instead of assuming the worst,” Michelle suggested, her voice softening.

“Why would I want to do that?” Paul grumbled, crossing his arms.

“Because I care about you, Paul,” she replied, her eyes piercing through him. “And I want us to be happy. Can’t you just try?”

Paul sighed, defeated. He knew he was being unreasonable, but the thought of losing Michelle to Garcia gnawed at him like an old engine without oil. He felt trapped in a cycle of grumpiness that only deepened the chasm between him and the world outside.

As the weeks passed, Paul begrudgingly tolerated Garcia’s presence in the garage. They worked side by side, their interactions minimal and filled with tension. Yet, despite their differences, they both shared a love for fixing cars, an unspoken bond that lingered in the air between them.

One day, the two were faced with a challenging problem: a vintage Corvette that had been abandoned in a backyard for years. Its owner was desperate to revive it, and the garage team had taken on the project. As they worked together, Paul began to notice a different side of Garcia—his focused determination, his precise movements, and his depth of knowledge about mechanics.

“Watch this,” Garcia said, demonstrating how to remove the old engine. Paul watched closely, intrigued despite himself. “If you apply pressure here and twist the socket just so, it’ll come right off.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Paul muttered, feigning indifference. But deep down, he felt a flicker of respect for Garcia’s skills. Maybe the guy wasn’t just a charming ex-agent.

As they continued to work on the Corvette, their banter became more playful, though it was still laced with sarcasm. Paul even found himself sharing stories from his past, tales of the old days when he was just starting out. Garcia listened intently, surprisingly engaged.

“You’ve had quite the journey, haven’t you?” Garcia said, wiping sweat from his brow. “I can respect that.”

“Thanks, I guess,” Paul replied, the edges of his grumpiness softening slightly. “But don’t think this means I like you.”

Garcia laughed, a genuine sound that surprised Paul. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

The project progressed, and so did their reluctant partnership. Paul still had his grumpy moments, but he couldn’t deny that working alongside Garcia was beginning to feel less like torture and more like… teamwork. The two men found a rhythm, and even Michelle noticed the shift.

“Hey, you guys are getting along!” she exclaimed one afternoon, a bright smile lighting up her face.

“Don’t get too excited,” Paul replied, though he couldn’t help the slight smile tugging at his lips. “We’re just working on a project.”

“Right, just a project,” Garcia echoed, a teasing glint in his eyes. “Nothing personal at all.”

Michelle beamed at both of them, clearly pleased. “I’m proud of you two. Just think, a month ago, you couldn’t stand each other!”

“Still can’t,” Paul muttered under his breath, but the corner of his mouth betrayed him, hinting at a change.

As the Corvette neared completion, an unexpected event unfolded. The owner came by the garage for an update, and in his excitement, he brought along a box of pastries as a thank-you gift. The sweet scent wafted through the garage, and Paul could feel his resolve slipping.

Garcia opened the box and held it out. “Paul, do you want one?”

Paul hesitated, eyeing the treats with suspicion. “What’s in it? Poison?”

“Just pastries, old man,” Garcia teased, a grin on his face. “I promise they’re safe.”

With a reluctant chuckle, Paul took a pastry and bit into it. “Not bad,” he conceded, though he’d never admit it out loud.

In that moment, something shifted between them. The tension that had once crackled in the air seemed to dissipate. They shared stories, laughter, and an unspoken camaraderie that had been absent for far too long. Paul felt the grip of jealousy loosening, replaced by a sense of respect for the man who had once been his rival.

As they wrapped up the Corvette project, Paul realized that perhaps he had judged Garcia too harshly. Maybe there was room in his life for both Michelle and a new friend, even if that friend came with a past that was different from his own.

On the day of the Corvette’s triumphant reveal to its owner, Paul stood beside Garcia, pride swelling in his chest. They had transformed the neglected heap into a masterpiece, and for the first time in a long while, Paul felt a sense of satisfaction that extended beyond just fixing cars.

As the owner drove away, grinning from ear to ear, Michelle clapped her hands in delight. “You both did an amazing job!” she said, her eyes shining with admiration.

Paul turned to Garcia, a begrudging smile forming on his lips. “Guess you’re not completely useless after all,” he said, nudging Garcia playfully.

“Likewise, old timer,” Garcia replied with a wink.

In that moment, Paul understood that change was inevitable. Life would throw unexpected people into his path, but sometimes, those people could become allies rather than adversaries. As he glanced at Michelle, he knew that their bond would remain strong, no matter how many ex-agents entered their lives.

And as for his grumpiness? Well, maybe it was time to start greasing those gears of discontent and let a little light in.

[glygriffe]

And a Bottle of Rhum

Fandom - Firefly

Characters - Malcolm Raynolds, Jayne Cobb (no pairing)

Summary - Mal's crew encounters a snag on a salvage mission (but what else is new?)

Word Count - 1.2k

A note - For the @sicktember Challenge of 2024, Day 1: I’m not hungover, I’m just sick (or vice versa)

The derelict was huge and Mal knew his team had to cover a lot of ground fairly quickly to find anything of value, load it on Serenity, and get out of there before an Alliance cruiser had the notion to come see what was happening in the area. That is why he had split the team. Jayne was going towards what was presumed to be the captain's quarters - where some of the more precious items were stored when a leader didn’t trust his crew -, while he and Zoe poked around the cargo bay. So far, the mission was a bust.

“Is there anything interesting in there, Jayne?” Mal asked over the comm system while looking at Zoe who closed the last crate, shaking her head. “Well it seems the captain was a pricy booze collector or a complete drunk with fancy taste; his bunk has wall-to-wall bottles of whisky and rhum in fancy packaging and the room ain’t small.” “Good to know this job won’t be a complete bust. How many crates do you reckon we’ll need to get that booty out of there?” “Five or six large ones might do the trick.” Zoe lifted an eyebrow. “That is a lot of bottles.” “That’s what I’m saying.” “Ok. Do a thorough check of the cabin for any other valuables and start to pile the goods in the hallway. We’ll come to you to load it up.”

After finding a dolly and some straps in a corner of the cargo area, the captain and his second in command made their way into the crew section of the ship proper. It was a complex design with inner and outer corridors, and multiple doors leading seemingly nowhere. After the third time they'd found themselves in the same place or at least in incredibly similar passageways, Mal admitted they were lost. “Jayne, where is the captain's cabin again?”

The comm stayed silent for longer than usual. When finally Jayne answered, it was with a very useful “… What?” “Could you. tell us. how. to get to. the captain’s. room.” repeated Mal, separating the words and biting into the consonants exaggeratedly. “I don’t know”, was the slightly slurred answer. Then Jayne added as a way of explanation “I’m already here.”

With a barely restrained sigh, Malcolm changed the channel on the comm system and hailed Serenity.

“Kaylee, could you find a blueprint of this Tian Di Wu Yowng ship and tell me how to get to the captain’s cabin from my position?” “Aye-aye, Captain. Coming right up.”

It took some time for Kaylee to give them the directions they needed and even longer to get their gear through the smaller and smaller doorways of the abandoned ship. When Zoe and he finally reached a corridor where several bottles of spirits were lying by an open door, Malcolm had lost what little patience he had.

He barged into the cabin to find Jayne sprawled on the floor, hugging a crushed package containing what looked like prime-aged rhum from a volcanic region, from where he stood. The mercenary was partly buried amongst the remains of a shelf that must have been displaying quite a large number of liquor bottles.

“Jayne, you know we are in a time crunch. Was it really the best moment to sample the goods?”

Jayne smacked his lips with a slack jaw. When his slightly glassy eyes focused on Mal and Zoe near the door he slurred: "Hey! You’re here. I’m here too. So… you found me.” “How can you already be hungover? How many drinks did you toss back? Zoe, how can he be hungover an hour after finding the goods? I thought Jayne had a sturdier constitution than that. Does well-aged whisky, scotch, or rhum pack a more powerful punch than fresh moonshine?” “I could not say, sir.” “I ain’t hung’ver. Wouldn’t drink the payload, y’know dat, Mal. I’m just sick is all.”

The exasperation drained out of Mal in an instant. The sassy banter too. This could be serious. A muscle bulged on his jaw as he scanned the cabin. Despite the mess of the turnover shelving unit, not a single bottle appeared broken or even open. So, Jayne wasn’t sick from drinking anything or coming into contact with any poison in liquid form. Mal crouched down beside the fighter whose pupils were abnormally dilated.

“Is it air-born? Or did you touch something aside from the booze, something that could have broken the skin?” “What? Oh… I think the necklace bit me”, said Jayne vaguely pointing at the open top drawer of an old-fashion dresser.

Mal looked at Zoe who was already putting her gloves out of her pocket and approaching the dresser. No jewelry in sight. She began to scan the room for the item that might be responsible for Jayne's condition.

“Where is the necklace, Jayne?” Getting no answer, Mal grabbed Jayne’s wrists to better look at his hands. A couple of red pinpricks were visible on the fatty part of his right hand.

“Found it.” Mal looked up to see his first mate's gloved hands taking a pendant with a lot of protruding parts in a tarnished metal out of Jayne’s heavy canvas bag.

“Good. It might help Simon figure out what happened.” Clicking the comm system on, he added for the crew still on Serenity “Get the Doctor here on the double. Tell him to bring the stretcher.”

Simon and Shepherd Book found the captain’s quarters in record time, guided by Kaylee. Jayne was adamant that the goods should be the priority, so Zoe and Mal did a quick job of loading three crates full of liquor on the dolly and followed the stretcher where Jayne was slurring the words of a pirate song.

It would have been funny if the mercenary was simply drunk. But Jayne's movements when he tried to help get on the stretcher were uncoordinated in a way that even heavy drinking never caused.

Back on Serenity, everyone was quiet while Simon did his thing. Even Wash, who usually made jokes at Jayne’s expenses as often as he could, deemed his condition not fit to be a laughing stock. But Simon did a quick analysis of shavings taken from the metal of the necklace, and soon enough, his frown turned into the usual concentration wrinkle on his forehead when he was doing his work.

A couple of injections and 24 hours in the infirmary later, the symptoms were fading out. Jayne could walk in a straight line, talk without slurring and his hand-eye coordination was back to normal. The doctor was satisfied that his heart rate had returned to the non-life-threatening range and he said something about a neural infection caused by oxidate metal in the bloodstream, but Mal didn’t care about the medical jargon.

He rubbed the back of his neck and discreetly rolled his shoulders to dissipate the tension that had crept in there since they had left the captain’s cabin on the derelict. He didn’t particularly like Jayne, but he was part of his crew. He looked at the mercenary sitting on the examination table. He seemed fine, but was, he really?

Jayne caught Mal’s eyes on him and smirked. “Now can I have a fifth of that whiskey?”

Yep. Jayne was back.

[a-wendellandwild-fan]

Hello! Im super excited for the movie to come out, i always thought this when i stumbled upon here, how would the demon bros act around someone they like? (Crush or not)

How would the Demon Brothers act around someone they like.

Ok I'm actually really happy you sent this bc I actually have headcanons of this so LET'S GO.

Warnings: None.

Notes: These headcanon won't specify the gender of the reader, and it's all written in third person.

Wendell.

Platonic.

Honestly, it's a miracle that Wendell starts liking other people, since he's always been right under his father's eyes. So, after all that's been happening with that little Hellmaiden, her introducing him to someone his "age" (sort of, physically at least) that's actually quite the expert with demons was... What he would consider a gift from the Heavens.

Obviously, he's wary. I headcanon that Wendell doesn't have many friends since Belzer doesn't seem to be the type of guy that just allows other creatures to interact with his two last sons.

But the moment Wendell finally feels like they're not worth his distrust, he simply shows his goofy self to them.

Musicals. He needs them to live, and you find this out pretty quickly. He cries the moment you show him two tickets to Hamilton.

He's definitely, just like his brother, the type of friend that would tell his best friend "If he treats you like an option, your pussy goes out for adoption". And he'll say it until they treat themselves better.

He also reminds them that their standards are way too low when it comes to romantic relationships with other humans.

Wendell is the type of friend that teases them to death, but the moment another fucking peasant thinks of not addressing them with fucking respect, he's throwing hands.

He also begs them to do either their makeup, or their nails. He loves making them prettier than they already are.

The man would steal a car and say "Get in, whore, we're going to Las Vegas" while dressing like he's ready for a carnival.

Literally would kill and die for them. No questions asked.

Romantic.

MAN, HE'S AWKWARD.

The eldest of the Demon Duo knows NOTHING about dating and he sure knows better than to ask his own family about any sort of advice.

Either his beloved human dated before him or not doesn't really matter to him, just as long as the both of them learn together how this would go is the best he could ask for.

He's incredibly shy about really bold public displays of affection, but he's all in when holding hands and kissing their knuckles.

The first time the both of them share a bed, it caught him by surprise when they embraced him from behind and basically turned him into the little spoon. He probably cries that night out of relief, but refuses to let go off his S/O for a long while.

Demands to try and be the big spoon the very next morning.

Wendell doesn't seem to be the kind of person that actually uses pet names with his partner. Maybe he'll start calling them "dear" or "love" if his partner starts with the pet names (which, truth be told, it'll fluster him), but otherwise, the idea won't really cross his mind.

Hearing him singing is a bliss for his S/O, but he doesn't seem to notice that. He'll start singing when his bored or way too excited, and if he saw the sparkling in their eyes, he would understand just how much they love him.

If they ever feel something slipping through your sleeves, or under your shirt, or maybe even wrapping itself around one of your ankles, they may as well turn around to see a pouty Wendell. That cute sight only happens when his partner is just so focused on something like work or studies there's just too little time for him. So they better let him be near them or else he'll whine more.

Boy, if they weren't sure Wendell was the serious type, that thought sure vanished the moment the human saw him play with bugs like a cat with yarn.

Wild.

Platonic.

The man just lets lose the moment he starts trusting his bestie-to-be human. But before that? Well, anyone could tell he's only teasing.

This fucking maniac just loves his best friend, its actually quite the sight. They say they like milk with cereal? Boom, the cereal and milk factory is theirs. They like cats? No problemo, they get a like ten boxes filled with kittens the next morning. They like fancy clothing? Now they own Gucci.

Is he going overboard? Yes, and thru tell him that, explaining that while they love the gestures, it's a bit tad much.

He feels ashamed and a little bit hurt for a few minutes, but the more he's beign explained, the better he understands.

Playful cheek bites are a must. They figured it's just something demons do, but turns out it's Wild's habit when he likes something or someone very, very much.

He hypes his friend so, so much. He expects them to be treated like a fucking angel and nothing else.

Ice cream hangouts are a must. He loves seeing them just do whatever, but their face when they love their favorite food so much their eyes shine like stars? Man, he wishes he could put that on a frame.

He's socially awkward, but he's getting the hang of beign best friends with a human.

Romantic.

He plays it all smug but they can see through it all. The poor boy is insecure and he's almost sure that he'll fuck up. The whole incident with his dad and brother left some wounds on him.

The poor man basically needs a lot of reassurement, even if he doesn't say it out loud, the little looks he gives at his partner every time he does something can easily be translated as "Did I do good?"

He's always showing such a bubbly and funny personality that his partner probably doesn't even think he's so insecure until he breaks into tears out of nowhere.

Takes a while to calm him down and another bunch of minutes to get him to talk, but through gentle talk from his partner, he finally talks. And even if it's not much, it's enough.

It takes a while for him to accept the fact that his S/O won't judge him for a few slips.

But other than those few "down days" that he has, he's trying so hard to be a smooth talker, it's actually hilarious. The many, many times his human told him that always make him smile because he knows that. He loves making them laugh.

He basically begs them to please rub his belly. PLEASE. He loves it when their hands gently caress his skin, sometimes tickling him. His partner sure finds it a surprise that he can purr so loudly.

He doesn't really expect it when his beloved flirts back at him, but after the initial shock is off, he sure finds it amusing. It becomes his favorite thing.

Other will find them sleeping in this one funny position: Him laying on bed face up, and his S/O on top of his belly. Truly a sight to behold.

Uses his tail to hold their hand or to bother them. There's no in-between.

Definitely let's you treat him like the little spoon, but when he's the big spoon? Oh, man, he's such a cuddle bug.

[tootiredmotel]

a different lover is not a sin

or: 5 times Dean didn't go to Pride + 1 time he did

Happy @starrynightdeancas gift exchange posting day!!! This one's for the wonderful and talented @andzia267 !!! Sending you all the hugs and good vibes, and I hope you enjoy it! And thank you Sophie for hosting all this, you're a rock star! <3

Read on ao3 or below / 5.5k words

CW: homophobia, queer used as a slur, john winchester being an asshole

1 - 1994

Dean was fifteen years old when he found out that being gay was something people could be proud of. It was early in the morning, they'd left their motel about 20 minutes before, and Sammy had fallen asleep in the backseat. The sun was just starting to completely show over the horizon, and they were driving through– or rather, struggling to get out of– Phoenix on their way to a possible poltergeist in Tucson. Every street they tried to take was blocked for the big event, and dozens of people already lined the sidewalks with colorful outfits and signs.

"Fuckin' queers," John grumbled in the seat next to him. "Never should'a thrown that damn brick."

Big banners overhead displayed "Stonewall 25: A Global Celebration of Pride". Dean made a mental note to hit up a library once they got to Tucson to look that up, "Stonewall". In the meantime, he was mesmerized staring out the window. Guys held hands, women kissed, everyone was practically vibrating with excitement. A black man in heels and a wig caught his gaze through the window and waved. Dean started to wave back, but his hand was harshly swatted back down.

"Do not," John said. "Don’t talk to them, don’t even look at ‘em. These people are sick in the head."

Dean focused his gaze on his lap until they were out of the city, and his mind wandered back to the gas station they stopped at the day before. He thought of the guy at the cash register that called him "cutie" and winked at him as he bought a candy bar for Sammy and beers for Dad with his fake ID. By Dad’s logic– which Dean trusted, of course–, that cashier, that queer, must've been sick in the head.

Then Dean remembered how his heart sped up, how his ears got hot, and how for a second he let himself think the cashier was kinda cute too. He realized he must also be sick in the head, and the thought was making him feel actually, physically sick. He felt like throwing up. Dad could never know.

Dean was fifteen years old when he learned that being gay actually wasn't something to be proud of.

---

2 - 2000

Dean was 21 years old when he learned the word “bisexual”. Dad had caught word of a ghoul case in lower Manhattan and sent Dean to take care of it. It was starting to get too hot and the streets were too crowded, but Dean was mostly glad to get a break from the constant fighting between Dad and Sammy.

Except it was June, and every time he turned a corner, there they were. The Pride parade flyers.

The second he spotted a rainbow he averted his gaze. He turned another corner and spotted another one. He avoided reading them at all costs. He heard Dad’s voice. Sick. Sick in the head.

For years now Dean had pretended he wasn’t sick. He pretended to not stare at Patrick Swayze too much whenever Dirty Dancing played on TV. He pretended like he didn't imagine what it would be like to kiss a guy, what stubble would feel like against his lips if he ever did.

He liked women. He could stick to women. He could live his whole life like that. And that meant he wasn’t totally sick, right? He wasn’t gay -gay if he liked girls.

But then what the hell was he? Would he even belong at one of these Pride things if he wanted to? He was probably a freak of nature. Even sicker than the rest of the bunch.

Curiosity got the best of him. He spared a glance at one of the flyers as he waited to cross the street.

Gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transexuals, ALL WELCOME

“Are you gonna go?” A voice next to him asked. ”It’s next weekend.” He was blond, pale, and a bit shorter than Dean.

“What? No! I don't swing that way,” Dean said, a bit too quickly and with too much bite.

The guy looked him up and down with a frown. “Geez, alright. Just askin’.”

He started to walk away, and Dean spoke up before he could stop himself.

“Hey man, wait.”

The guy stopped walking.

“Sorry, can I ask you something? Assuming you... know about this stuff?”

He seemed exasperated, but he turned anyway, willing to hear Dean out. Dean licked his lips, rubbed at the back of his neck, swallowed nervously. He couldn’t believe he was doing this, asking a stranger on the street about something so personal. At least the chances of meeting this person ever again were close to none.

“What’s bisexual?”

The guy’s features softened a bit. He seemed to understand something about Dean that so far Dean refused to acknowledge.

“It means you’re into more than one gender. And yes, you can do that,” the guy said. He flashed Dean a tight smile and then disappeared into the crowd.

Dean felt his hands go numb and balled them into fists, shoving them in his pockets. He took a deep breath through his nose. The guy said you. You are. You can.

The guy didn’t know what he was talking about. He knew nothing about Dean. He was wrong.

Or maybe he was right.

But he couldn’t be.

Dean couldn’t be… that.

Dean was 21 years old when he decided he wasn’t bisexual. He wasn’t anything. He was also 21 when he solved a case in record time (two days), just so he could book it out of New York before the next weekend arrived.

---

3 - 2004

By the time he was 25 years old, Dean knew he was bi. He hated it, he never spoke about it, and he ignored it as much as he could, but he was aware of it. And he knew he was bi because, at 25 years old, he’d already gone through two serious breakups, and they both equally sucked.

The first was Lee. He hunted with Dean and John for about a year, the second half of which Dean and Lee spent sneaking around and hooking up behind John’s back. It was fun, and hot, and exciting, and some of the best hookups he’d had up until that point in his life were with Lee.

But the thing is that it wasn’t just hooking up. They were close, and Dean liked him. A lot. They kissed for the first time after a particularly scary werewolf hunt in which Dean almost died, but John was more preoccupied with the mostly-unharmed victim than his own son. Dean and Lee rode in the backseat, bruised, bloody, and quiet. When John went to walk the victim up to her apartment, Lee reached over and placed a hand on Dean’s back, asking him if he was okay. Dean fell into Lee’s arms, and they kissed as they pulled away from the embrace, soft and comforting. It was Dean’s first kiss with a guy.

Lee was a lot of firsts for Dean over the next few months. But then John almost caught them once, drunk and making out in the Impala.

And then that case in Arizona went wrong, and Lee just couldn’t take it anymore. He packed up, swore off hunting, hugged Dean goodbye, and left him in the dust.

Dean needed to clear his head after that. He could barely look his dad in the eye after that close call, couldn't let him see the sorrow he was feeling. With every interaction, he imagined how John would yell at him, probably try to beat it out of him, if he noticed all he was feeling over Lee. Or worse, John could ignore him, practically disown him like he did Sam.

So he also packed up and left. Went hunting on his own for a while.

It was on one of those hunts that he met Cassie, and she was yet another handful of firsts for Dean over the course of a few months. She was amazing, and he fell hard and fast, but of course that went up in flames too.

Then again, he should've known better than to be honest. Honesty only ever got him in trouble.

He’d just left her back in Ohio and was working at a bar in Indianapolis for a few weeks to make some cash. He’d eventually meet back up with Dad. He just couldn’t right now. Not with Sam gone to college. Not after getting his heart broken twice over within a year.

He was hyper-aware of the end of June approaching. He knew it was coming, Indy had a pretty big celebration, and he made sure to be working all day that day so he wouldn't have to face it.

That was pointless, though. Toward the end of the day, a big group of about ten or twelve people who were clearly coming from the parade stumbled into the bar. One of them was apparently the owner’s little sister and they went there every year after the celebrations. They were loud, and obnoxious, and looked incredibly happy. Their happiness was contagious, and Dean loved serving them. He chatted them up, got to know them a bit, and heard all about the parade, all while staring down anyone at the bar who dared look their way with even the slightest stink eye.

But watching them that happy and comfortable, seeing not one, but two pairs of guys sloppily leaning against each other and sharing the occasional kiss while none of their friends seemed to bat an eye… something in Dean ached. Deeply.

Dean was 25 years old when he realized that a small part of him kind of, sort of, wanted to be part of this community. He couldn’t though. Not if he wanted to be on good terms with Dad. Not if he aimed to be the man Dad wanted him to be.

He left Indianapolis the next day.

---

4 - 2008

Dean was 29 years old and on his own personal highway to hell when he learned his brother went to a Pride parade before he ever did. They were driving through San José, the streets were lined with ads for Silicon Valley Pride, and Sam just casually decided to mention how fun it was the last time he went.

Thankfully they were at a red light, or else Dean probably would’ve slammed the breaks. He twisted to look at Sam head-on, his arm on the back of the seat.

“You what ?” he gawked.

Sam shrugged innocently. “What?”

“You went to one of these Pride things?”

“Yeah, dude.”

Dean’s brain was just trying and failing to load. “Why?” he finally asked.

“Jessica was in the GSA and some friends invited us. It was awesome.”

“She was in the what?”

“The G. S. A.,” Sam answered slowly. “Gay-Straight Alliance.”

“Oh.” Whatever that is, Dean thought. He kept eyeing the flyers. It was tomorrow.

“Green.”

“What?”

“Light’s green. Green means go.”

Dean rolled his eyes. "Shut up."

He kept driving and turned up the radio. Somebody To Love was playing, and as much as he liked Queen, he had to change the station. He tried to picture his little brother (his straight little brother) wearing rainbow face paint and having the time of his life at this thing. How come Sammy got to go when Dean could barely entertain the idea? Dean was the not-straight one. It wasn’t fair.

He channeled his jealousy into gripping the steering wheel.

“You okay, Dean?”

“Yeah.” No. “Yeah, m’fine.”

Dean was 29 years old when he died and went to hell without ever having gone to a Pride parade, knowing that his idiot ( straight! ) little brother already had.

---

5 - 2014

Dean was alive again and 35 years old (75, if you count hell) when he was formally invited to a Pride parade for the first time. It was a couple of days after that whole mess with Cas in Lucifer’s crypt, and he called Charlie. He just wanted to hear her voice, needed to know he was still on good terms with at least one of his best friends.

“So anyway,” Charlie said after a while of recounting what she’d been up to. "How single are you right now? My answer is: miserably."

Dean chuckled. Then he thought of Cas, and the smile disappeared. "Yeah, you and me both, sister."

“Would you mind coming with me to this thing next month? Going alone kinda sucks.”

Dean put the phone on speaker and placed it on the library table as he sat down with a beer. “What’s the thing?”

“Pride.”

Dean was glad no one was around to see him almost choke on his drink.

“You good?”

“Yeah, what was that?”

“Pride parade. Don’t have anyone to go with this year.”

“Why uh… Why? Why me?”

She knows.

“I dunno.”

She knows she knows she knows.

“You’re my friend, Dean. Thought maybe you might be interested. But never mind, I guess.”

And while all the alarms in Dean's head were blaring danger danger danger abort, he also hated to hear Charlie so disappointed.

“Hey, no, listen, Charlie, I… I would. Really. You know I support you, wholeheartedly." And that's obviously the only reason I would want to go. "But with Sam doing these trials, and Cas on the run with the angel tablet–”

“It’s okay Dean, I get it. Talk to you soon?”

“Yeah.”

And she hung up.

Dean knew, at this point, that there was nothing wrong with being queer. It wasn’t anything to be ashamed of, and it sure as hell didn’t mean you were wrong in the head or whatever.

But years of pretending to be a false version of yourself in an effort to please a man who was impossible to please wasn’t exactly an easy habit to break. As much as he wished it didn't, as much as he wished he could just exist, the thought of anyone finding out still made him sick to the stomach.

John’s voice still echoed in his ears. His words still drove Dean’s sense of self-worth and so many of his decisions. He tried to never stare at a good-looking guy for too long. He tried to not get too into it with Benny. He tried to keep his feelings for Cas at bay, tried to keep him at arm's length, tried to keep the fact that he was in love (deeply, stupidly in love) as close to his chest as he could.

Even that night at the crypt choking out the words to get through to Cas, he couldn’t bring himself to say what he meant. I love you, he’d wanted to say, because it was the truth. What came out, however, was I need you. And he did, he needed Cas more than air, but it wasn't quite everything.

It still got his heart split in two.

Was he so far gone over Cas that he couldn’t hide it? Had he been trying so hard and failing just as miserably this whole time? Was his attraction to dudes that obvious? Or did Charlie just have a sixth sense for this kinda thing?

It was probably the last one. He hoped it was.

Cas knew, for sure. Angels knew everything right? They could read minds, feel longing, or whatever. And if none of that ever tipped him off, well, Dean put it all on the line back in that crypt. He told Cas how he felt, told him he needed him, tried putting himself out there, and it got him left. Again. With Dean, it was always leave-or-get-left when it came to love. He was tired of it.

Dean was 35 years old, desperately in love with his best friend, and truly heartbroken for the third time in his life, when his other best friend– an out and proud lesbian– gave him a chance to go to Pride, to break through his shell, to finally embrace himself as he was; but because he was practically living in the closet, he couldn’t seem to find the handle after so many years of purposefully ignoring its existence, and he missed his chance. Besides, what was the point of going to a celebration of love without the love of his life by his side?

---

+1 - 2021

Dean is now 42 years old and the happiest he’s ever been. The love of his life? Cas? Turns out he’s felt the same way all along. They're kind of together now, and slowly but surely they’re working through a decade’s worth of shit.

They’ve been raising a kid together too, along with Sam and Eileen, and that kid is also God. After saving the world and whatnot, Jack decided to bring back some of their friends and family that died over the years: Mary, Kevin, Charlie. Yes, there are two Charlies now, but it’s not as confusing as you’d expect. (One is from another dimension, and the other one is Dean’s little sister. Simple.) Mary’s off hunting most of the time and Kevin’s applying to college.

They’ve got extended family now too, Jody and the girls. OG Charlie is staying with them for now, while she finds her footing. Most of that household is queer. Most of Dean's household is queer as well, actually. Turns out both Jack and Eileen are non-binary, Cas is gay in the broader sense of the word, and Dean…

Dean is bi. And everyone knows now.

Apparently, a lot of people had known for a long time. Sam has known since the siren back in ‘09 (even though Dean stands by the fact that it wasn’t like that, Sammy ), and everyone has slowly picked up on his and Cas’s thing over the years, so there’s that.

He still feels a bit weird about it. About calling Cas his boyfriend, about having the freedom to hold his hand in public, about the fact that they now have goddamn pride flags hung around the bunker. He feels even weirder about the fact that John’s voice in his head is now drowned out by the sounds of his home life, more lively and supportive than he ever expected to have.

He wasn’t expecting any of this, he didn’t think everything would change so fast. But when you spend the better part of your life pushing down such a huge part of you and then finally give yourself an out, a chance to show the people who love you who you really are, everything just... follows.

Love follows. Acceptance follows. Family follows. And he wasn’t really expecting any of it.

He certainly doesn’t expect it when Cas walks into the library after his weekly Thursday evening call with Claire and announces, matter-of-factly and with air quotes, “We’re going to "Pride" this weekend.”

Dean’s stomach drops. It’s the Sioux Falls Pride Parade and Festival, it’s in two days, and they’re leaving tomorrow to spend the night at Jody’s so they can all be there bright and early Saturday morning. Everyone immediately starts bustling about, packing and planning outfits and gathering flags to bring with them.

Dean just goes to his room– his and Cas’s now– to pack a small duffle.

Well, he means to. Instead, he takes out the duffle from the closet, puts it on the bed, and sits next to it for a while. An hour goes by. He thinks back to all those times he had brushes with one of these things and was just never in the right mindset. He’s not even sure he’s in the right mindset now, but he’s going. It’s happening.

“Jack’s all ready to go,” Cas says when he walks in. “We spent about half an hour putting together an outfit for Saturday. He wanted it to be as colorful as possible.”

Dean smiles, but it’s not all there. He looks at the empty duffle next to him.

“Yeah, I might need some help with that myself.”

Cas is in sweats and a hoodie. Yes it’s June, yes it’s hot, but he’s a quasi-angel, and the way he experiences the world Dean will never be able to wrap his head around. He walks over and stands in front of Dean, running a hand through his hair and down the side of his face until he’s cupping Dean’s jaw. Dean takes Cas’s hand and leaves a few kisses on the inside of his wrist, closing his eyes as he does.

Cas regards the empty bag and hums quietly, as if in thought, before walking over to their closet. Dean chases his hand, holding onto it until he’s completely out of reach. Cas starts searching, and Dean’s stomach knots more and more with each clang of the hangers. Cas finally pulls out a flannel from its hanger– purple with hints of blue and pink– and tosses it over. Dean can’t believe he didn’t think of it first.

They continue to pack in comfortable silence before changing and getting into bed. Dean doesn’t flop onto his stomach or cuddle into Cas’s side as he usually does; instead, he lies on his back and stares at the ceiling in a daze.

“Dean?” Cas’s voice snaps him out of it.

Dean turns his head and asks, automatically, “You okay?”

It’s a habit by now, asking each other that question. It’s part of the working-through-a-decade’s-worth-of-shit thing they’re doing. Turns out they share a whole lot of trauma. They share worries and insecurities. They share nightmares sometimes, mostly about the Empty.

“I’m okay,” Cas says, putting his hand on top of Dean’s heart for him to hold, and Dean can breathe a little easier.

“You nervous about this thing?” Dean asks, interlocking their fingers.

“The parade? No, not really.”

And then, because he's been working on communicating how he's feeling out loud or whatever, Dean looks back up at the ceiling and says, "I am. Kinda."

He feels Cas shifting and propping himself up on his elbow, and then he's in Dean's line of sight. Dean's gaze is drawn to him, like all of him has been since the moment they met, and Dean can't believe he just has this now. He has a boyfriend, and it's Cas, and he's looking down at Dean with stars in his eyes and a comforting smile that actually works because it's Cas.

And then Cas is leaning down and softly pressing their lips together, and that's also something Dean can’t believe he gets to do: kiss Cas good morning and good night and at any moment in between, kiss him I'm sorry, kiss him we're going to be okay, kiss him I love you.

"I love you too, Dean," Cas says once they've pulled away, and Dean didn't even realize he'd said it out loud, but it doesn't matter. "And you don't need to be nervous. I'll be there with you."

The thought should be a thousand times more nerve-wracking, not just going to Pride but going to Pride with Cas on his arm. It's not nerve-wracking at all, and he soon drifts off to sleep.

Friday goes by faster than it should. The six-hour drive to Sioux Falls, although packed in a car with five people, goes by in a blink. They stop for provisions before getting to Jody's, filling up on backpacks' worth of snacks.

They get to the house and are met with endless hugs and excitement to match. Patience, Alex, and Jody are already working on dinner for the bunch, while Charlie, Donna, and Kaia are running around prepping for the next day and dragging along a hesitant but nevertheless happy Claire. Dinner is chaotic and loud and there are way too many people at the table, and Dean has to step outside after a while.

He sits on the back porch steps. Claire joins him. She's holding a beer, he's not. He hasn't been drinking for a few months now. They don't talk, but she leans her head on his shoulder and they stay there a while, looking at the stars.

When they go back inside, Claire sits back down in her spot at Cas's left, across the table from Dean, and leans on his shoulder for a while too. It's her way of saying she cares, of saying I missed you without really saying it. Jack sits at Cas's right, talking excitedly with Patience about some tv show or other, and the image fills Dean with such fondness that he reaches over with his foot, presses it to Cas's ankle, and keeps it there for the rest of the night.

Dean, Cas, Jack, Sam, and Eileen spend the night spread out around in the living area while the girls sleep in their respective rooms, and Dean is only slightly less nervous as he falls asleep holding Cas’s hand.

---

The nerves all come flooding back as he’s parking the Impala the next morning.

They’re not able to get even remotely close to Phillips Avenue since the streets are so full. They park the three cars that all twelve of them came in as close as they can and then have to walk for another twenty minutes. From blocks and blocks away, people walk and holler and greet them excitedly, many of them trying to circle this swarm of flanneled individuals that are taking up a whole sidewalk. Granted, Dean and Claire are the only ones in their usual kind of outfit. The rest of the bunch is wearing as many colors as they could compile from their closets, half of them are wearing face paint, and the other half are carrying an assortment of pride flags.

They fit right in.

The walk toward the main avenue of the parade is kind of a blur for Dean. He knows he waved at a few people, some friends of Alex from high school joined the group at some point, and Jack already grabbed a snack from his backpack.

The actual parade is also kind of hazy. Getting out of the house that morning had been probably even more chaotic than the night before, so they’re a bit late and the parade has already been going for a good half hour. On top of that, they accidentally merge into it not quite at the starting point but a bit further down the road, in between a decked-out pickup truck and a group of people with dogs. Music is blaring, the dogs are all barking, a big float rides a few yards in front of them, and hundreds stand on the sidewalks recording on their phones and cheering them along.

Dean’s not sure they’re even supposed to be in the actual parade. Maybe they’re supposed to be on the sidewalks? Is this right? What is happening, what is he even doing here?

He doesn’t notice how heavy he’s breathing until Cas is squeezing his hand and beckoning him to meet his eyes. He does, and the blue in them, as imposing as the Atlantic, drowns out everything else around them. “You’re okay, my love,” Cas says. It’s a fact. As long as Dean is with him, he’s okay.

On his other side, Dean feels someone link their arm around his. It’s Charlie, and she’s beaming at them, her cheeks almost as red as her hair. It brings Dean back to reality, grounds him, but he’s okay now. He’s not alone, and he’s meant to be here.

He’s proud to be here.

The parade leads up to a sloping park, and at the lowest point of it, there’s a stage where Dean assumes someone will MC for the afternoon, or maybe perform. It’s grandiose in its simplicity, kind of like a Greek theater, with everyone settling down on the grass around it, expectantly.

“We’ll be right back,” Dean hears Sam say, and he turns to find they’re all set to spend the afternoon, towels laid and backpacks off (save for his). “Jack wants to go meet the drag queens,” Sam says with just a bit too much glee before he and Jack take off.

“It’s not just Jack,” Eileen smiles and follows.

Cas is already sitting, eating one of the PB&Js he packed as lunches for everyone. Jody and Donna are settling down as well and Charlie’s taking a dozen pictures, but the rest of the girls are all standing. “We’re gonna go check out the vendors,” Claire announces, and they start to take off as well.

“Be careful, please!” Dean calls after them, but they pay him no mind. He turns to Charlie. “Hey, your majesty, keep an eye on them will you?”

She smiles, bows gracefully, and heads in the same direction.

Jody stands and grabs Dean by the arm, beckoning him to talk in private for a second.

“What’s up?”

If Dean knows Jody at all, and he does, they’re on the brink of a mom talk.

“Look around, Dean.”

“What for?”

“Just look,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Please?”

So, at her request, Dean starts taking in the environment. Now that everyone is gathered, he can actually see all the people that came out (heh) for the event. There are church groups, pet shelters, skateboarders, and rollerskaters. Drag queens are already taking pictures by the stage, and at least two people are wearing unicorn heads. A few vendors’ tents and food trucks surround the park, and rainbows completely dominate the scenery. There are elders, and kids, and all kinds of families and couples, and everyone looks… happy. Free.

And Dean is here with them. He is one of them.

There’s no danger, no monsters of any kind. No one to judge him, hurt him, call him sick in the head.

He finds Claire’s blonde head amongst the sea of shoppers at the edge of the park. She’s holding hands with Kaia and has one of the biggest smiles Dean has ever seen on her face. There’s no shame in it, and she’s not in any danger either. Things are different now, and she has the freedom to be herself that he never had at her age.

He has it now too. He can be himself.

Dean doesn’t realize he’s about to cry until Jody pulls him down into a hug.

“Dean, I am so proud of you.”

And then he cries.

---

They spend the afternoon laying on the grass, eating, drinking, and enjoying the festivities. The girls come back from the vendors’ tents after a full hour, and most of the bags on their arms are Charlie’s. She gets Cas a mug that says bee yourself in rainbow colors with an image of a cartoon bee, and she gets Dean a button pin that says AC/DC in pink and blue. There’s a meaning behind that apparently, and Dean decides he’ll look it up later.

Jack memorizes all the drag queen’s names. Donna takes a million pictures. They trade numbers with a few people.

There’s a big fireworks show just after sundown. It starts to get windy and a bit chilly, so Dean grabs the nearest pride flag and wraps it around himself. Cas, the perpetual freak who just doesn’t feel temperature apparently, is wearing a t-shirt and shorts and smiling at him unabashedly.

“What?”

“That’s the bisexual flag.”

So it is. “Shut up,” Dean says, but he’s smiling too. “You want in on this?”

He doesn’t wait for Cas to respond before he wraps it around his shoulders as well. The fireworks continue.

“You know,” Cas says after a beat. “As beautiful as they are, pyrotechnics are extremely damaging to the environment.”

Dean can’t help but laugh because of course, Cas would say something like that in a moment like this. He laughs and laughs and regrets being the only one to have heard that; then again, he’s the only one who could’ve found that funny.

He laughs a bit more, wipes a tear, and sees that Cas is still just solemnly watching the show.

“Cas?”

“Yes, Dean?” He replies and then turns his head.

Dean wants to kiss him. He wants to kiss him so bad. Then he remembers where he is, physically and in his life right now, realizes whom he’s surrounded by at this very second, and decides that he can.

So he does. It’s not unlike the way he kissed Cas when they rescued him from the Empty. Granted, there’s less sweat, blood, adrenaline. But just like that day, they’re both on the ground, and the gesture catches Cas by surprise. Just like that day, Dean pulls Cas in gently by the back of his neck and there’s no hesitance or fear. Just like that day, he just does it, presses their lips firmly together, and relishes in the taste of Castiel, in the feeling of the person he loves most in this world kissing him back.

The one big difference is this: that day marked the beginning of the rest of his life. Today? Today is just Dean’s first Pride.

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

Merlin’s previously hidden horrific past comes to light;

The gang learn that everything they know about Merlin is a well-constructed façade when the truth about his “Military” history comes out.

TW: Child soldiers, abuse + torture, lots of blood and death and nightmares, potential PTSD?

When King Arthur had received the official looking letter requesting an audience about troubles with the border, he’d thought nothing much of it; the tone of the letter didn’t lead him to think there would be any serious conflict.

He replied to the Essetirian Lord, figuring it would end up being a simple issue of river boundaries or overstepping patrols, they could discuss it and fix the problem amicably, and then part ways without issue.

Arthur wasn’t a fan of the way Essetir worked; they were far too authoritarian for his liking, and they were known for their use of slave labour, terror tactics, and child soldiers, but peace had been harboured between the Kingdoms, so he could hardly complain.

The fact that Arthur didn’t see it as a big deal, means he didn’t mention it to Merlin until the day of the Lord’s arrival, and even then, he didn’t mention the Lord’s name, or where in Essetir he came from.

Merlin may have seemed a little tense at the mention of Essetirian Lords, but Arthur shrugged it off, figuring high taxes and village raids probably left him with a mistrust of authority from his home kingdom.

~

Arthur was sat in his throne, crown atop his head, when the Lord arrived. His roundtable knights and a few select members of his council sat in their own chairs at the side of the room, and Merlin stood dutifully beside him.

He preferred to have a small audience when first greeting foreign authority, hence only having nine people, including himself, in the room. 

Arthur trusted Leon, Lancelot, Percival, Elyan, Gwaine, Guinevere, Gaius, and Merlin, to subtly analyse and scrutinize the visitor for anything troubling, and report back to him truthfully later. Arthur trusted his wider council, of course he did, but experience with these particular people told him they were better equipped to handle any sort of conflict or worries.

Which means when Merlin quietly took in a sharp breath, tensed up, and stepped back to be behind him when The Lord walked in, he immediately noticed.

He makes no motion to question him though, assuming that perhaps this particular Lord had passed through Ealdor at some point, and made a mental note to question Merlin later.

The Lord bows deeply, and raises to meet Arthur’s gaze with a wide, friendly smile:

“I am Lord Severin of Essetir, I appreciate your quick response to my letter, and am grateful for the invitation to your beautiful kingdom, My Lord.”

At first, Arthur had been curious, and mildly concerned, but Gaius’s sharp intake of breath and stiffening back at the mention of the Lord’s name, tip him right over the line into being officially worried.

Did this particular Lord have some sort of reputation Arthur was unaware of? He, again, makes no moves to suggest that he had noticed Gaius’s reaction, and instead returns the Lord’s smile:

“Of course, you’re more than welcome. Guest chambers have been set up for you, if you would like to stay for a few days? I can imagine it was a long journey.”

The Lord nods, and keeping his smile, says:

“Thank you, I had planned on booking a room for a few nights, but if you’ll have me?”

Arthur nods in return, quickly speaking before the Lord can thank him again:

“Of course. Is the border discussion a lengthy issue, or something we can resolve quickly now? I have my most trusted advisors with us, should there be a political issue?”

Lord Severin shakes his head roughly, giving Arthur a sympathetic shrug:

“In all honestly, My Lord, as far as I’m concerned there isn’t an issue, but a few of my men were worried, and the only way I could see to resolve it was an official meeting to reassure them.-”

Arthur smiles, gesturing for him to continue:

“-Over the past several years, multiple Camelot Knights have been seen crossing the boundary, and spending a few days at a time in a small border-village on the Essetir side. I am under no impression that anything underhanded is happening, but a few of my inferiors were getting twitchy about it.”

Arthur once again hears Merlin take in a shaky breath, and furrows his eyebrow in curiosity:

“Which village?”

“It’s name is Ealdor, My Lord.”

Arthur smiles widely in understanding and nods his head, relaxing:

“Ah yes. A highly ranked member of the castle staff has family there, and depending on how dangerous the journey is predicted to be, I’ll often send him with a knight escort when he visits home.”

Lord Severin nods his head, before tilting it curiously and saying:

“Might I ask which member of staff? I spent some time in Ealdor a few years back, colour me... curious.”

The smile on his face is a little sharper now, but Arthur hardly sees the harm in telling him; he’ll only be here for a few days at most anyway. 

Arthur gestures a hand behind him:

“Merlin.”

He looks back and frowns, questioning his decision, when he sees Merlin staring blankly at the floor. He’s statue still, but Arthur can see the way his jaw tenses, and the paleness of his skin.

He turns back to see the Lord staring up at Merlin with an inquisitive expression. Just as Arthur resigns himself to say something, a look of wolfish realisation crosses the Lord’s face, and he speaks softly, as if to himself:

“Merlin from Ealdor, eh?-”

His grin turns even more wicked, and his volume rises:

“-I was under the impression that you had died, my dear boy.”

Arthur furrows his brows in confusion, and Merlin, without raising his gaze, quietly replies:

“No, My Lord.”

Severin chuckles, a hint of cruelty in the noise, but before he can say anything Arthur asks:

“You know each other?”

The Lord looks to him, as if only just remembering he was in the presence of a King, and smirks:

“Know each other? Why, Merlin was once one of my best. You’re astoundingly lucky to have a bodyguard with such incredible skill, My Lord. I was sad to lose him.”

Arthur glances at Merlin, who seems somehow even paler, before looking back to Severin in confusion, tilting his head:

“Merlin isn’t my bodyguard, he can barely carry a sword. He’s my personal manservant. Perhaps you have the wrong man?”

Severin shakes his head resolutely, before staring at Merlin:

“No, that’s him, I would recognise him anywhere. Like I said, I was sad to see him go.”

At Arthur’s continued confusion, Lord Severin gives him a patronising smile, quietly saying:

“Perhaps a demonstration is in order-”

He turns back to Merlin, speaking loudly this time, as Arthur and the others look on in bewilderment. Gaius however, looks increasingly worried, rather than confused.

“-Step forward, Merlin.”

Merlin, without hesitation, walks stiffly forward, standing to attention just in front of Arthur, hands straight by his side, and his gaze unwaveringly forward, focussed on the wall behind Severin. 

Arthur stands from his throne, moving to stand by the council chairs so he could see Merlin’s face. What he spies however, is a tense blankness that he’s only even seen in the brief moments when Merlin thinks no one is looking at him.

The Lord rolls his eyes condescendingly at Merlin:

“You know I hate it when you stand so stiffly Merlin, it’s bad form. Stand at ease.”

Again, without hesitation, Merlin kicks ones of his legs out slightly, and moves his hands to be tightly clutched behind his back, shaking almost imperceptibly. Still, he does not change his expression as the gang look on worriedly.

“Are you armed, Merlin?”

Merlin gives one firm nod, before saying in a monotonous voice:

“Always, My Lord.”

Severin gestures vaguely with his hand, muttering:

“Show me.”

With that, Merlin taps his right wrist to his hip before flicking his arm out to the side, and with the movement, a dagger slides from a hidden holster under his sleeve, and falls gracefully into Merlin’s hand.

Everyone in the gang, bar Gaius, was taken aback, They’d known Merlin for years, ten in the cases of Arthur, Leon, and Gwen. How had they never known that Merlin was always carrying a weapon?

The Lord looks only mildly impressed as he holds a hand out, crooking his fingers towards himself slightly. Merlin throws the knife gently, his aim perfect as the handle lands in the centre of Severin’s palm.

He passes the blade from hand to hand, humming thoughtfully, before saying:

“It’s not very well weighted, incredibly poor quality, but-”

With that, he looks back up at Merlin, the wolfish grin having returned to his face, but the gang only have a second to be confused before the Lord pulls his hand back, and hurls the knife directly at Merlin’s head.

The velocity at which the blade moves through the air... well, a slower man would have died. But Merlin is apparently not a slow man.

With his focus still on the wall somewhere behind the Lord, he whips his hand up, quicker than lightening, and catches the handle of knife with the blade just an inch away from his eye. Only then, does his gaze move across to the dagger, and he brings his hand down, slipping it back into it’s holster as if he was entirely unbothered by what had just happened. The Lord finishes his sentence:

“-anything can be a weapon in the hands of a killer. Back to your post, Merlin.”

Merlin bows slightly, and moves back, expression still blank as the gang stare at him with various expressions of shock and confusion.

Arthur moves back to his throne, careful to keep his face blank, though struggling not to stare at Merlin worriedly, before he says:

“Well, that was quite a display. Any other uh... stories to tell, Lord Severin?”

The man shakes his head, laughing, and replies:

“No, Your Majesty, that is all. I will reassure my employees that the visits to Ealdor are purely personal, and order them to leave it be.”

Arthur gulps and frowns slightly at the sudden change it topic, wanting desperately to look back and check on Merlin, but not daring to, as he replies:

“Of course. I’m afraid I will not be able to join you for dinner tonight, or breakfast in the morning, though I extend my invitation for you to visit the training grounds before noon. I have my best scheduled for tomorrow.”

As he says this, he gestures to the five roundtable knights, who all wipe the confusion off their faces as the Lord glances at them. In actual fact, none of them were scheduled to train tomorrow morning, but it had become habit over the years for Arthur to use them as a subtle display of strength whenever a visitor unnerved or worried him.

Severin looks back to the King, giving him a nod as he accepts:

“I would love nothing more, My Lord.”

Arthur smiles tightly and nods before dismissing him, his harsh gaze not leaving the Lord’s back until the door shuts behind him.

The moment he’s left the room, Arthur stands up, dizzyingly quickly, and steps around the throne to question Merlin, only to find that the manservant gone, slipped away through the servant’s door.

He speedily goes to follow him, wanting to get to the bottom of whatever the hell that was, but Gwen’s desperate voice halts him:

“Stop! He clearly doesn’t want to talk about it right now, we should leave him be-”

Arthur turns around and goes to retort, but Gwen cuts him off:

“-and besides, no one knows this castle better than Merlin, he’s long gone. If he doesn’t want to be found, then he won’t be found. Leave him be for a while.”

The King desperately wants to argue, but he begrudgingly nods, knowing that Gwen is right. He frowns at the desperate and questioning looks that Lancelot sends to Gaius, unaware that Arthur is looking at them.

Gaius shakes his head slightly, and Lancelot visibly relaxes, only to tense again when Arthur asks:

“Lancelot, Gaius? Do you know what just happened?”

The knights averts his gaze after giving a brief shake of the head, the Physician looks to Arthur, clearly mentally debating on the best way to answer the question. He gulps before speaking slowly:

“Other than Merlin’s mother, I am the only one to know the truth. However it is a very... personal, and frankly traumatising, topic for Merlin, and I don’t feel it’s my place to tell you. Might I request that you allow Merlin to keep his distance from Lord Severin?”

Arthur looks like he wants to argue, but the warning looks he receives from Leon and Gwen stop him, and he once again begrudgingly nods:

“I... fine. But I’ll want to know eventually. If I’m to have dealings with this Lord, I need to know if he’s involved in anything troubling."

Gaius sighs and nods:

“It is... nothing that Essetirian Lords aren’t already known for, My Lord.”

Arthur tilts his head in confusion, that doesn’t sound like it bodes particularly well but... he’d already agreed not to pry. Gaius was clearly trying not to let too much on and trying to hide how freaked out he was. Which also didn’t bode well.

Arthur copies Gaius’s sigh, nodding to himself as he gestures vaguely at the group and tiredly says:

“Alright, you’re all dismissed. Keep an eye out for Merlin, and I want to know where that Lord is at all times. There was a servant in the corridor waiting to take him to his rooms, so I would appreciate it if one of you could go check he made it. I want to know if anything happens. Rest well tonight, I want you at your best for tomorrow.”

Everyone gives a decisive nod, Leon stalking off to follow the Lord, and the others separating out to complete their normal tasks. Half-heartedly mind you, as all of them were more focussed on trying to wrap their heads around what had just happened.

~

None of them saw Merlin for the rest of the day, or the next morning. They would have been more worried, but nothing was missing from his room, a few of the castle staff had reported seeing him briefly, here and there, and the Lord had yet to try anything untoward.

When Arthur had gotten to his room that night, dinner was ready and waiting, the room had been tidied, his sleep clothes had been folded and laid on his pillow, and the hearth had been lit.

The next morning was the same. Arthur woke to to see that his empty dinner tray had been replaced with a full breakfast tray, his clothes for the day had been laid out, and his desk had been organised with a list of today’s duties left in the centre.

Arthur huffed at Merlin’s absence. He hadn’t gotten that much sleep last night, the more he thought about what had happened, the more restless he became.

There was a lot of things to worry about.

Gaius being openly shaken and worried was especially concerning. The man was usually unflappable, so whatever it was... it was bad.

And what had Lancelot been so scared about? He seemed genuinely confused but he still knows something.

And what Merlin had done with that knife...

Arthur could understand Merlin hiding a part of his life, just not mentioning it, especially if it was as traumatising as Gaius let on, but to actively lie?? To put up a clumsy, useless front with no prompting?? That was most certainly worrying. “Incredible skill” Severin had said. “One of my best”, what does that even mean??

He had called Merlin a Killer.

Still, Arthur didn’t call for his manservant to be summoned. The man was clearly after some privacy, and despite Arthur’s powerful curiosity, Gaius’s fear and Merlin’s disappearing act held him back, at least for the time being.

After finishing some paperwork, Arthur headed down to the armoury, to be met by a squire who had clearly been waiting for him. At Arthur’s confused expression, the boy tells him that he had been instructed by Merlin to help The King with his armour, and that he would be round later.

Arthur nodded, hiding his confusion. Merlin was usually incredibly protective of Arthur’s armour, BUT he said he’d be coming by later, so it wasn’t as if he were fully disposed for the whole day. Hmm.

Perhaps he was simply trying to avoid being in close quarters with Arthur, alone. Being stood at the side of a field whilst the Knights sparred was hardly the same as helping Arthur dress, one-on-one.

Still, Arthur didn’t call for his manservant to be summoned. If he weren’t so worried about Merlin, he’d be childishly proud of himself for being so selfless and caring.

He met the other five knights on the training field, satisfied to see them all in full armour, preparing for full-contact sparring. Apparently they all wanted to intimidate this Lord just as much as Arthur did. Now all they had to do was wait for the guy to show.

But Merlin appeared first. No one noticed him for a little while, but Gwaine getting distracted in the middle of a fight and allowing himself to be tripped by Elyan, certainly bought everyone’s attention to the raven-haired servant stood at the side of the field that had caught his eye.

Merlin’s expression was the same as it was yesterday. Meaning: expressionless, blank.

He doesn’t react at all as the knights stare at him, and only nods slightly when Arthur raises a hand in greeting, despite not looking directly at him. Leon’s quiet-

“Sire?”

-breaks Arthur out of his stupor, and he mutters back:

“Leave him be. He usually stands much closer than that, so he’s clearly still not in the mood to talk.”

Elyan furrows his brows as he finally helps Gwaine to his feet, before saying:

“He knows the Lord is meant to be here. If he wanted to avoid him, why come?”

Arthur shrugs but Lancelot looks surprised, and speaks as though the answer was the most obvious thing in the world:

“He’s protective of Arthur. No matter the history between Severin and himself, if he thinks the Lord is dangerous he wouldn’t allow Arthur to be in his presence without being there as well.”

Arthur frowns and huffs, but doesn’t say anything as the others nod their heads. He gestures for Leon to step into the ring with him, conscious of the fact that they had just been stood around talking.

Luckily, Severin showed up just as Arthur and Leon started to get into the swing of things, and the other knights could tell the exact moment the two of them noticed the Lord, stood about ten feet to Merlin’s left; the fight got much more... vicious.

A pro of having worked together practically their whole knighthoods (and before, for Arthur), was that Arthur and Leon could give their absolute all in matches against each other, and not have to worry about miss-stepping or accidentally hurting one another.

The sparring sessions between them often drew large crowds, but Arthur had ordered the training grounds cleared this morning, meaning that the four other knights, the Lord, and a much tenser-looking Merlin, is all their audience consisted of.

Finally, the fight came to an end, Arthur victorious as he knocks Leon to the floor. They shake hands, and Leon has to hide the swell of pride in him at the man he had trained for managing to beat him, before they make their way over to Lord Severin, closely followed by the others.

The Lord claps his hands, a wide smile on his face, and Arthur stops himself from looking at Merlin when he sees the man flinch slightly at the noise.

“Very impressive, My Lord. Your knights truly are something to behold!”

Arthur gives him a strained smile:

“Yes, I take a lot of pride in the strength of my best.”

Severin’s eyes widen, and his grin once again turns sharp. Arthur has a feeling he isn’t going to like what the man says next:

“Well, if we’re talking about the best, might I suggest that your... ah, manservant, shows off his skills? I imagine we would all find that mighty entertaining, especially considering you were previously unaware of his abilities?”

Arthur clenches his jaw, glancing at Merlin. The King was taken aback when Merlin held his gaze for the first time since before the Lord had arrived yesterday. 

Arthur answers, without looking away from Merlin, and regrets his words the moment they exit his mouth:

“I’m alright with it, but only if Merlin agrees.”

Merlin widens his eyes, only slightly, but it’s enough to show Arthur that that was the wrong thing to say. Whatever the history between Severin and Merlin was, the manservant was unable to say no to him. Arthur hadn’t given Merlin a choice, he’d allowed Severin to dictate Merlin’s answer.

The Lord claps his hands again, wolfish smile growing as he loudly proclaims:

“Brilliant! I will divert to your judgement, on who his opponent should be, My Lord.”

Merlin clenches his jaw, turning and walking towards the spare swords. He grabs one from the rack, and enters the ring, standing stiffly, waiting.

Arthur frowns at Merlin’s sudden, easy capability, before nodding at Lancelot. He was reluctant (NOT jealous) to admit it, but he and Merlin were very close, if anyone could pretend to fight Merlin convincingly without actually hurting him, it would be Lancelot.

Lancelot returns his nod, understanding his King’s thought process, before looking to Merlin with a concerned frown on his face:

“Do you not want any armour, Merlin?”

The Lord laughs as Merlin mutely shakes his head, answering for him:

“Oh, he won’t need it sir knight, like I keep saying, he’s quite skilled.”

Lancelot still looks reluctant, but at Arthur’s stiff nod and the questioning tilt of Merlin’s head, he walks into the ring and stands opposite his best friend.

He gives Merlin a nod, and hides his worry when Merlin just stares at him blankly, his stance turning loose, but sword held tightly in his hand.

Arthur signals for them to start, and Lancelot immediately has to take a rushed step back as Merlin moves quickly forward, swinging his sword up.

Lancelot just about manages to block the strike, but the strength of the hit has the bones in his arms vibrating, and his shock gives Merlin just enough time to twist his body, taking another swing before Lancelot even processes what’s happening.

The second wide arc of Merlin’s sword knocks the knight’s arm to the side violently, and he stumbles back, only just managing to keep hold of the blade. Merlin takes advantage of Lance’s newly exposed chest, and using the last of his momentum, brings a leg up and lands a harsh kick to the centre of his chest-plate.

The force throws him back and he lands sprawled on the floor several feet away.

The others knights gasp as the Lord jovially laughs and Lancelot stares at the sky in shock. All in all, that spar had lasted about five seconds, and consisted of Merlin swinging his sword only twice, and kicking him so hard he dented his armour.

Lancelot hadn’t even had time to think before it was over, and was still wide-eyed when Merlin wordlessly pulled him to his feet, frowning as he runs a hand over the damaged metal.

The other knights are still staring in shock as Lancelot lifts a hand to put it on Merlin’s shoulder. When the servant flinches backwards, he lowers his hand again, but still whispers:

“Gods, Merlin. Where the hell did you learn to fight like that?”

Merlin’s frown deepens and he clenches his jaw as he glances at the amused Lord, before stepping back, out of Lance’s reach.

Before anyone can say anything, Severin loudly exclaims:

“That’s my boy! I knew I could count on you to have not forgotten your training. How about you?”

He gestures to Elyan, and the knight looks to Arthur for confirmation. Merlin stays in the ring, waiting, back to being expressionless. He hadn’t even broken a sweat during his fight with Lancelot, didn’t even look out of breath, and Arthur’s morbid curiosity gets the better of him as he nods at Elyan.

The knight stepped into the ring, taking Lancelot’s place opposite Merlin.

Arthur gives the signal to start, and Elyan is the first one to strike this time, but Merlin moves easily out of the way, with speed and grace that no one had ever seen him express before.

Honestly, Arthur thinks the first fight might have been a fluke, because this time, Merlin spends the first twenty-five seconds blocking and dodging, making no offensive moves, and staying well out of Elyan’s way.

But Merlin makes the swap quicker than anyone can see, going from defence to offense in the blink of an eye, and within seconds of the change, Elyan is on the floor, Merlin’s sword at his throat, and his own sword lost somewhere to the side.

Merlin had moved so quickly, Elyan hadn’t really any clue how he’d ended up on the floor as he blinks up at the previously thought-to-be clumsy manservant.

After a moment, the knights once again shocked and the Lord once again cheerfully laughing, Merlin leans down and pulls the knight to his feet.

Elyan nods his thanks dumbly before picking up his sword, and heading over to the side lines, still looking confused as his brain tried to catch up with the last thirty seconds.

Merlin had, once again, not even broken a sweat, and Arthur gulps as he looks at his manservant. On the surface, he seemed... absent. Like he wasn’t really aware of what was going on, and was just waiting for it to be over. But upon closer inspection, Arthur could tell that wasn’t true.

Merlin’s stance may have been loose, but the position of his feet and the grip on his sword showed that he was fully prepared to jump into a fight without hesitation. That, the clench of his jaw, and the focus in his eyes as he stared back at Arthur, told The King that Merlin was fully aware of his surroundings.

Severin’s laugh petered out, and he points a finger at Gwaine, looking at Arthur as he questioned:

“My Lord?”

Arthur nods, and Gwaine huffs angrily. He gives The King an incredulous look but, perhaps a little selfishly, Arthur was curious about the extent of Merlin’s... abilities, so he ignores it, and Gwaine reluctantly walks to stand in front of his friend.

Merlin’s gaze drifts from Arthur to Gwaine, and he tilts his head slightly, adjusting his stance, his expression remaining in the same blank position it had been through all of the matches.

Once again, Arthur finds himself signalling the start of a fight between his best-friend (slash love of his life but like... shhh) and one of his most trusted knights.

Neither of them make a move at first, they just circle each other slowly, Gwaine’s sword raised, but Merlin’s pointed to the floor as he makes a point of keeping his stance fluid.

The Lord claps his hands together, just once, but the loud noise triggers an immediate reaction in Merlin and he pounces forward.

Gwaine takes the defensive as Merlin throws hit after hit, each one precise and specific. Gwaine is stronger than Merlin, but Merlin knows this, striking quickly and needling holes in Gwaine’s defence, moving back before he has time to launch a counter attack.

This fight goes on a lot longer than the last two, but Gwaine quickly begins to tire. At the first stumble in the knight’s step, Merlin takes a pace back, and presents his opponent with a miniscule opening.

Apparently it had been deliberate; the moment Gwaine follows him to take a swing at the gap, Merlin feints to the side, and lands a single blow that knocks Gwaine to the floor.

He chuckles darkly as his chest makes contact with the grass, realising immediately what his mistake had been. He rolls to his feet, holding his sword-less hands up in surrender. The man is breathing deeply, and even Merlin looks slightly more tired than he had before, but only slightly.

Leon lets out a deep breath, and all the knights seem to realise simultaneously that... at no point had Merlin not been in full control of each fight, setting the pace exactly how he wanted it, and taking advantage of each of their weaknesses perfectly.

Lancelot was reluctant to fight Merlin, so Merlin threw a few quick hits and had him on the floor before the knight realised he didn’t have to hold back.

Elyan had seen Merlin’s speed against Lance, and had therefore rushed to try and surprise him. Merlin took the defensive, biding his time until Elyan eventually made a mistake, and struck so quickly and harshly, he only needed one move to take him out.

With Gwaine he’d done the opposite. The man was much stronger than Merlin, so he couldn’t let him get a hit in, only allowing the knight time to defend and not attack. He waited for Gwaine to get tired and distracted, waited until he was moving automatically before presenting a tiny weakness that another knight might have missed. Gwaine fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

Gwaine resists the urge to clap Merlin on the back, proud smile quickly dropping to a frown when he sees the still blank look on his face.

The Lord doesn’t even have to request another fight before Arthur nods at Percival.

Percival looks a little less reluctant, everyone now clearly knowing that Merlin could more than hold his own; if anything, he looks a little nervous for himself, despite being six inches taller and much heavier.

This fight is a lot more quick-paced. At Arthur’s gesture, they both immediately jump into it, fighting for dominance with speed and strength. Once again, Merlin’s opponent is much stronger than he is, and Merlin tires more this round.

Percival lands a heavy to kick to Merlin’s chest, and he goes sprawling backwards, but he keeps a hold of his sword and uses the momentum to gracefully roll back onto his feet.

Before Percival has time to raise his sword again, Merlin takes advantage of the new distance between them and sprints towards him. He drops quickly, sliding between Percival’s legs, sword held close to his body as he reaches an arm out, grabbing the giant’s ankle on the way through.

His sudden grip forces Percival to take a step forward to correct his balance, but before he can turn around, Merlin quickly stands and shoves his whole body weight against his back.

The force of the shove paired with the instinctual step forward tips Percival’s centre of gravity, and he topples to the floor, rolling over to see Merlin already stood above him, panting, his sword aimed at Percival’s throat.

The other knights gasp slightly as Merlin steps away at Percival’s raised hands. They had been certain that Percival, with his size, would be the one to beat Merlin.

Apparently not.

Lord Severin is once again laughing, and Arthur (and the others) are becoming more and more confused. Merlin had beaten four of Camelot’s best in a row in about ten minutes, and was only slightly out of breath.

This was not just a bit of combat training, this was... more. This was harsh, ingrained, years upon years of practice.

Arthur and Leon remember when Merlin first arrived in Camelot, only sixteen, and dread grows in their stomachs as they realise the implications.

They’re quickly broken out of their stupors as Percival walks slowly over, still catching his breath, and The Lord loudly bellows:

“Well, that’s four out of six. We might as well go for the whole collection, what do you think, My Lord?”

Arthur takes a deep breath, he has to remember that there is politics involved here as well; he can hardly accuse the Lord of anything. But the arsehole was also clearly aware that this had been a power move on Arthur’s part, and it had completely backfired. Backing out now would... not look good.

The King gives another strained smile, gesturing Leon forward after glancing at a still blank Merlin. The manservant had already caught his breath. Damn.

Leon moves into the ring and settles into position in front of Merlin.

The dark haired servant furrows his brow, tilting his head the same way he had at Gwaine, as if he were assessing his opponent. After just a moment, he schools his face, and adjusts his feet slightly, his stance seeming a little stiffer than it had been previously.

If the others thought the last four fights were brutal... well... this was a whole new level. Camelot’s First Knight held nothing back, now confident in Merlin’s abilities (and his own, to stop at a moment’s notice if it looked like Merlin was about to get hurt), despite the fact that the man still wasn’t wearing any armour.

This match lasts a while, both of them swapping between defence and offence, the tide changing with almost every step. 

Both of them are tiring, Leon was still recovering from his spar with Arthur, and Merlin hadn’t exactly had much time to refresh between his other fights, even though he won them fairly easily.

But eventually, the match ended with a loud clang ringing out as Merlin’s sword flies from his grip.

At least... they thought it had ended, for about a split second, before they realise that Merlin looks completely unfazed.

Arthur glances to the Lord briefly, to see the man grinning with a mix of possessive pride and cruel hunger, before looking back at the ring, and widening his eyes in shock.

Merlin had quickly shaken out his hands, forming fists before darting in closer to Leon. The fact that Leon still has a strong grip on his sword doesn’t seem to bother Merlin at all, and he dodges the blade as he lands three quick hits to various weaknesses in the armour.

Leon takes a stumbled step back, surprised at the quick change in direction that the fight had gone, and that step is just enough to give Merlin space to swing a harsh elbow out to the side. The connection between his elbow, and Leon’s wrist, is sharp enough that the knight drops his sword automatically, and Merlin quickly turns his back on him, moving in close as he grabs his arm and throws him forward, over his shoulder.

Leon lands harshly on his back, winded slightly, and Merlin rolls to the side, coming up with the knight’s sword in his grip. He quickly spins around, and Leon finally catches a breath just to open his eyes and see Merlin stood above him, sword at his throat.

Leon stares up, completely shocked, hearing Gwaine mumble-

“Merlin just won a sword fight... without a fucking sword.”

-and Lancelot mutter:

“He beat Leon?”

The Lord is once again laughing, and the sound is beginning to grate on everyone’s sanity (everyone bar Merlin, who still looks blank and absent) as Merlin pulls Leon to his feet, wincing apologetically as the knight rubs his own back.

Leon puts on a strained, but fond smile, as Merlin hands him his sword, and mutters:

“Well done, Merlin, very impressive.”

Which had apparently been the wrong thing to say; Merlin flinches back, drops his expression once again into blankness, and steps away to pick up his own sword.

Leon frowns, walking towards the other knights and the Lord as Merlin deposits his sword back in the rack. His movements have lost the cat-like fluidity he had when fighting, and he’s back to being stiff and tense, eyes averted to the floor, jaw tightly clenched.

The knights look on in worry, still confused, but having mostly gotten over the novelty of Merlin being able to fight, and focussing more on how the hell he’d kept it a secret for so long. On top of trying to figure out how he’d learnt in the first place.

Lord Severin frowns sarcastically, tilting his head at Merlin as if he were a child, and saying:

“Aren’t you going to spar with your King, Merlin? I thought we were going for six out of six?”

Arthur frowns at him, looking between the Lord, who looks like a vicious beast hunting his prey, and Merlin, who’s looking a lot like that prey.

Merlin takes a deep, shaking breath at his questions, raising his head to meet the Lord’s gaze for the very first time. Arthur can see the fear in his eyes, and takes a subtle step towards him, to stand between Merlin and his hunter. Merlin glances at him quickly, almost fearfully, and gulps as he looks back at Severin, stuttering out:

“I... I won’t fight Arthur. Not for you, I... I don’t fight people for you anymore.”

The Lord tilts his head and smirks:

“My, how you’ve grown up. You never would have spoken to me like that as a child-”

Arthur can hear the other knights gasp, and is grateful when Leon holds Gwaine back as the man takes an aggressive step towards the Lord.

“-though I doubt King Arthur is as strict of a master as I was.”

Arthur’s frown deepens, but before he can say anything, Merlin snarls out:

“Arthur is nothing like you.”

His sudden change in demeanour takes Severin by surprise, but only for a second; his look of shock falling back into a condescending smirk once more:

“Hmm. Probably why you’ve gone so soft. Honestly Merlin, you were once the best, now you refuse to make your opponents bleed. Oh, how far you’ve fallen.”

Arthur has heard enough, and he steps in front of the Lord, between him and Merlin, and without breaking gazes with the vile man in front of him, loudly says:

“You’re dismissed for the afternoon, Merlin. Go grab some lunch, we’ll see you later.”

Arthur still doesn’t look back as he hears Merlin walk quickly towards the castle. The Lord gives Arthur an assessing gaze, smirk remaining on his face, before saying:

“It would seem that you’re quite... protective, of your staff, Your Majesty?”

Arthur gives him an incredibly strained smile, not even aware of how tightly he was gripping the hilt of the sword at his hip as he replies in a low voice:

“Hmm. Something like that. Well, we’ve solved our border issue, and you’ve seen my knights in action, so unless there’s anything else?”

Severin tilts his head, and raises an amused eyebrow, clearly understanding Arthur’s meaning:

“No, that’s all. Your city is wonderful, however I’ll be leaving very shortly I’m afraid, within the next few hours. I have men to reassure.”

With that, the Lord bows deeply, and stalks back towards the castle, thankfully taking a different route than Merlin. Normally Arthur would call him out on the rudeness and impropriety of turning one’s back on a King, and leaving without being dismissed, but at this point, Arthur just wants him gone.

The moment he disappears round a corner, the group lets out a collective sigh, all of them looking troubled. Elyan is the first to speak:

“I’ve travelled through Essetir, I’ve heard the rumours. Do you think that Merlin...?”

His question trails off, but it’s obvious what he was asking. Leon answers once he realises that Arthur isn’t going to say anything:

“He was sixteen when he came to Camelot. To have that sort of extensive, ingrained training... he would have to have been.”

All of them let out harsh breaths and Gwaine curses viciously under his breath, before grinding out:

“Permission to follow Severin back to Essetir and slaughter him somewhere in the woods, sire?”

All of them look expectantly at Arthur, but he still stares in the direction Merlin had walked as he sighs, and replies quietly:

“No. His men know he came here about some sort of issue. If he never makes it back, it doesn’t matter how well you set the scene, it’ll start a war-.”

Gwaine grumbles something about stupid rules under his breath, but relents. He definitely perks up slightly at Arthur’s next words:

“-However. If we ever come across him during any sort of conflict, feel free to use more force than technically necessary. For now... we need to find Merlin.-”

The others nod vigorously, and gather closer as Arthur continues, finally looking at them:

“-Leon, Elyan, go and find Gwen and Gaius, at this time they should be running medications around to the knights’ barracks, then meet back in the courtyard. We can’t split up to find Merlin, because we’d have no way to tell each other if someone found him, and I don’t want to risk leaving him alone because he might disappear again. We’ll have to search together, hopefully Gaius will have some sort of idea, because Gods know he won’t have gone to have lunch like I told him.”

Everyone murmurs their agreement, and without another word, they all head back up to the castle.

~

Leon and Elyan had found Gaius and Gwen exactly where Arthur said they would, and all eight of them are soon gathered in the courtyard.

The knights quickly explained what had happened. Gaius looked unsurprised, though increasingly worried with every word, and it was only the Physician’s genuine panic, and the dent in Lancelot’s armour that convinced Gwen this wasn’t some big prank.

Arthur looked at Gaius expectantly, and the older man thought for a moment. He sighed, before saying:

“When he first arrived in Camelot, Merlin had... a great many nightmares. The first time, I found him under his bed. The second and third times I found him curled up, hidden away in a cupboard that he had emptied out. After that, I reorganised so the cupboard was permanently empty. He hasn’t used it in years, but I never got round to refilling it. If... if I had to take a guess at where he is, I’d say there.”

Everyone nods and the group begins to make their way to the Physician’s chambers.

On the way, Gwaine expressed confusion at Merlin’s apparent love of tight spaces, but Leon quickly piped up:

“It’s a fairly common response to trauma, I’ve seen it in the occasional knight after particularly bloody battles. Some people become terrified of tight spaces-”

Gaius interrupted, informing the group that it was called “claustrophobia”.

“-but some people find it comforting. I guess Merlin likes feeling protected on all sides?”

The physician nodded grimly, and quietly informs the group that it might be best for only one or two people to approach Merlin, and for everyone else to stay back, so as to not overwhelm him. The knights reluctantly agreed, Percival announcing that Gaius and Lancelot were the obvious choices.

Lancelot protested:

“No, you should’ve seen his face when he saw the dent in my armour, it’ll just freak him out even more. Arthur should go, he’s the only one Merlin didn’t beat to a pulp.”

Gaius agreed, and Arthur nodded as well, though reluctantly.

They quickly found themselves outside the Physician’s chambers, the door left open slightly. With one last worried look to each other, Arthur pushes the door wider, and steps through, quietly calling Merlin’s name.

Gaius goes to point the cupboard out, but two quiet knocks from inside alert everyone to it first.

The knights and Gwen gather dutifully to one side of the room, still in sight of the cupboard should Merlin open the door, but far enough away so as to not crowd him.

Arthur sits himself down in front of the cupboard, and Gaius perches on a bench a few feet behind him.

The King whispers Merlin’s name again, and knocks gently on the wood. After a few seconds, the door opens, and Merlin slips out, sitting cross-legged on the floor, his knees just about brushing against Arthur’s.

He is once again blank-faced, and everyone’s eyes are drawn to his dagger being twirled and twisted skilfully between his fingers.

His eyes are focussed on the blade, and Arthur resists the urge to reach out and touch him, knowing that he was already on thin ice, being this close to him. He talks gently, his voice quiet, though still loud enough for the others to hear him:

“He’ll be gone by evening, and he won’t ever be coming back.”

Merlin nods, only slightly, but it’s enough to let Arthur know that he’s at least aware of his surroundings. The servant gulps before whispering:

“Don’t let him take me, please.”

Arthur bites his lip to stop himself from gasping, and slowly, ever so slowly, moves a hand to rest on Merlin’s knee. When Merlin doesn’t flinch away, Arthur squeezes his leg slightly before moving his hand away:

“Never. None of us would ever let him take you away, Merlin. You never have to see him again; you’re safe here, we’ll make sure of it.”

Merlin nods again, and Gaius hands him a goblet of water. He takes only a small sip before setting it aside, but it’s a good start; the Physician figured that Merlin almost certainly hadn’t eaten, slept, or drank enough in the last twenty-four hours.

After a minute or so of silence, Merlin replaces the dagger in its holster, and clasps his hands tightly in his lap, staring at his intertwined fingers.

He clears his throat slightly, and the gang wasn’t sure whether to be grateful or more worried, that he looked sad as opposed to blank, as he quietly speaks, still staring into his lap:

“Essetir has always been a fan of... of child soldiers. We thought we were safe in Ealdor because we were so far from the capital, but they came when I was seven. If I fought back or tried to escape, they threatened to burn the village down, so I just... did what I was told. The lessons were... we were trained against each other, except every match was to the death. Hundreds of children... killing other children, until only the best remained. Gods there was always so much blood.-”

Everyone bar Gaius had to make a concerted effort to hold in their tears and gasps of rage. Arthur took a deep breath and put his hand on the floor next to Merlin, not touching him, but an obvious offer of comfort if Merlin wanted to take it. Gwen grips her brother’s hand tightly, and Leon has to stop Gwaine from drawing blood from his palms with his own nails.

Merlin takes a deep, shaking breath, and puts his hand on the floor next to Arthur’s; not taking it, but just about brushing thumbs:

“-Children were... we were tactically useful. We were dressed in civilian clothing so we could slip in and out of places, killing people and stealing things and setting traps and fires, without being noticed. And if we were noticed, people would hesitate. They would hesitate just long enough for us to... to kill them.-”

Tears were falling freely from at least half the room’s occupants now, everyone else not far off.

Merlin moves his hand further towards Arthur’s, and he takes it without hesitation, running his thumb over Merlin’s knuckles softly.

The servant lifts his gaze falteringly, and Arthur gives him a weak smile, and nods as he prepares to continue:

“-I was good. I mean I was really good. I was given all the most difficult jobs; I had a higher body-count before I hit twelve summers than you do now. All the army generals, and the particularly rich Lords, and even... even Cenred when I got older, took an interest in me. They thought I was the best thing since the start of civilisation, because I was small and weak-looking, and I had a sad face and big blue eyes. My... targets, never wanted to defend themselves against me. They... they all died for their hesitation.-”

Tears overflow from Merlin and Arthur’s eyes at the same time, and The King can hear Gwen’s quiet crying behind him. He knew without a doubt that the knights would be crying too, he didn’t even need to look. All of them normally had such strong stomachs for violence but this... this was so much worse, and it was Merlin.

Merlin gulps, and his grip on Arthur’s hand tightens:

“-I escaped when I was fourteen. I don’t know why it took me that long, I guess I was just... lost. Lost in the orders and the missions and all the... all the death and blood. I was sent to burn a few buildings down and I just... set the flame and ran. There was nothing but ash left at the end and no one could find me so it was assumed I had gotten trapped inside and died. I wondered around in the wilderness for a while. I was pretty self sufficient by then but I didn’t want to go home, in case they went looking for me there. To be honest... I barely remembered where my home was,-”

His voice drops to almost a whisper, and the others have to strain to hear him:

“-I... I couldn’t even remember what my mum looked like.-”

His voice rose again as he glanced quickly at Gaius, and at the older man’s reassuring, though mournful, smile, he looked back at Arthur:

“-But I found my way home after about ten months. I figured out pretty quickly who my mum was, she barely let me go for weeks.-”

At this, Merlin thankfully lets out a weak chuckle, but the tears still fall, and he squeezes Arthur’s hand once more.

His faces falls back into despair as he continues, and everyone knows that there’s still bad to come:

“-It was... difficult. I didn’t trust anyone, I didn’t know how village life worked, how normal human interaction worked. I knew how to speak and read and write but... I had barely said a word in eight years so I stayed pretty much silent. It was... odd, to be allowed to speak freely, move freely. It was... terrifying. More so than what I had before, in some ways, because... I had nothing. There was nothing to me. Could you imagine how hard it was? To be fifteen and to have no personality? No likes or dislikes... no understanding of how the world outside of war works? Understanding nothing but how to be a good soldier?-”

Arthur shakes his head, lifting his other hand to rest gently on Merlin’s knee, and only dropping it there when the tearful man nodded slightly.

The crying from behind The King had slowed, but not stopped, and Merlin continued:

“-I suddenly had to find out who I was as a person, minus all the blood and death and missions. I had to figure out what was... socially acceptable. What to smile at and what to frown at. I was... a completely blank slate. I was barely even a person. Just killer’s hands with a body attached.-”

At that, Arthur gently took Merlin’s other hand as well, and made a point of stroking them softly.

“-Just after I turned sixteen, I was sent to Camelot. I’d just about figured out the basics of interacting with people, I could fake it pretty well at least, but being in Ealdor... I couldn’t relax. I just expected them to come for me again, that any day an Essetirian patrol would show up and drag me back and burn the village down. Officially, I was sent here to learn to be a Physician, to learn to heal instead of kill. Unofficially... no one said it, but everyone knew, I was sent away because I wasn’t coping. I needed a change of scenery, being in Ealdor was making things worse, and with Gaius here, I would at least have a little support.”

Arthur gives him a smile, but before he can say anything, Percival takes just a small step forward. He speaks in such a soft tone; strangers would think a man of his stature incapable of expressing:

“And now you have all of us, Merlin. No matter what.”

The others nod, and even Gwen wipes away her tears to give him the widest smile she’s currently capable of. Merlin looks at her and frowns slightly, tilting his head as if confused.

After a moment’s hesitation, Merlin gives her a weak smile in return. When he looks over to Gaius, the Physician nods approvingly, and his smile widens, just slightly.

With that, the whole group seems to come to the same conclusion, at the same time: that Merlin had essentially just asked if smiling was the right thing to do.

Gwen was crying, and clearly upset, and Merlin understood that. But then she smiled. He’s been away from his... military roots for long enough now that he knew the right response, genuinely felt the right response, but with everything being uprooted and old wounds being exposed, he needed the reassurance that his reaction had been socially correct.

Arthur clenches his jaw tightly, thinking back on the ten years worth of interactions he’d had with Merlin. How he’d always kept his cards close to his chest; was rarely outwardly angry, and got happy over the simplest things: flowers and books and fluffy animals. 

He thinks about how terrifying it must have been. To have to learn to be... well... human. To have to learn how to perfectly imitate human behaviour until he developed his behaviour.

Merlin takes another sip of his water before taking a deep breath. He looks to Gaius, determination in his face, and at the Physician’s hesitant smile, but firm nod, Merlin takes a deep breath and looks back to Arthur:

“There’s more.”

Arthur frowns, and tilts his head. What else could there possibly be? He hears one of the others take in a sharp breath, and out of the corner of his eye he sees Gaius look to the offending knight, and give another firm nod.

Arthur gulps, and nods at Merlin, encouraging the man to continue:

“I had to do all of that whilst... whilst hiding the magic I was born with,-”

A chorus of gasps go up around the room, and Arthur tenses slightly, sitting up straight, but not letting go of Merlin’s hand. The King sees the fear in Merlin’s eyes, and the way the goblet shakes in his hand, and gives him an uncertain smile. Arthur isn’t as surprised as he thinks he should be.

“-because if they found out, things would get worse. Cenred had enslaved sorcerers as well as children in his army. If he’d found out how... how powerful I was, even as a child, I never would’ve escaped.”

Arthur nods his head absent-mindedly, once again thinking on his ten years of friendship with Merlin. It... made sense. 

Gods how terrifying.... 

To have all of that happen as a child, to finally find your way home just to find that you aren’t safe there either. And THEN to be sent to Camelot of all places. How terrifying, to have the safest place for you to be, be the city where the violent persecution of your people originated.

Arthur clenched his jaw before looking back at Merlin. He still looks scared, and Arthur squeezes his hand, firmly saying:

“I swear to you Merlin, in the name of Camelot, that you will never have to be afraid again.”

Merlin’s eyes widen, and tears begin to fall again as he tilts his head. Arthur gives him a smile:

“Come on, Merls. How could I possibly believe magic to be evil when you were born with it? There’s not an evil bone in your body.”

Merlin’s face falls, and he looks as though he’s going to argue, but Arthur beats him to it, speaking before he can even open his mouth:

“And we all know it.”

Merlin looks up again, speechless and teary, as Leon steps forward:

“The laws will change, Merlin, and you’ll be safe and free. And if the council have a problem with that... well...-”

Leon looks back at the other knights, all looking as determined as he is. He grins, and wipes the remaining tears from his eyes as he looks back to the bewildered servant, grinning Physician, and fondly smiling King:

“-I’m sure we can persuade them.”

Merlin returns his grin, and Arthur is more than relieved to see that Merlin doesn’t have to double-check his reaction this time.

~

THE END!!

Wowie that was a ride. I honestly wasn’t even planning on writing a magic reveal in this but it just sorta... happened... oops

Same as always lads, you wanna write it all proper? Go for it, credit and tag me :)

[elysianslove]

eHm can you pls write some fluffy iwaizumi mini hcs?

can i ever,,, ugh yes. suna’s version here! 

↬ when the two of you first started dating, iwaizumi didn’t kiss you for a very long time. at first it seemed like he was just hesitant, or being respectful, trying to let you set the pace for intimacy instead. he admitted later to you, though, that he hadn’t had his first kiss yet, and it wasn’t that he wasn’t sure about sharing it with you, it was more that he was so sure that he wanted you to be his first that he couldn’t afford any mess up. he was shy. to his relief, you didn’t rush him at all, and instead found different ways to show your affection to him. 

↬ which leads to my point of iwaizumi adoring cheek kisses. for a good couple of months, you still hadn’t shared your first kiss, so you resorted to similar displays of affection, like cheek kisses. he found himself so comfortable with the feel of you reaching up, leaning on his shoulder with both hands as you press a kiss to his cheek. it’s his favorite public display of affection. because of its significance (in relation to your respect towards him, and the fact that you’d gone out of your way to find different ways to show your affection), cheek kisses hold a special place in his heart. nothing makes his heart beat as fast as when you grab his jaw in a fit of happiness and press a long, wet kiss on his cheek. against all odds, it makes him smile a smile unlike any other, and the blush that taints his cheeks and spreads along his nose and to the tips of his ears is a gift on its own. 

↬ wait that reminds me!! iwaizumi cannot lie, like whatsoever. if it’s very, very necessary, like to protect his friends or to cover for them or to protect a surprise planned, then maybe. but otherwise, he’s very obvious. now it’s more obvious to people closer to him than others, because if you focus enough, his ears tend to twitch a little when he’s lying, and it’s literally the cutest thing ever. because he’ll have this very serious face on, trying to spew out a lie, and then his ears twitch and he’s done for. 

↬ iwaizumi is a really good gift giver, because no one pays attention the way he does. and even if he barely knows anything about the person, he somehow can pick out something they like very well. his gifts tend to be more sentimental, and when it comes to receiving, he’s so bad at — saying thank you? at receiving them? he just gets all red and fidgety and starts saying things like, “you really shouldn’t have,” and, “why would you spend your money on me?” please someone sugar mama/daddy him.

↬ it doesn’t matter if you can drive or not, iwaizumi will never ever let you. he insists on driving, no matter how tired he is. he always plays your favorite music, and he talks to you the whole ride. like he loves to have you leaning close to him on your elbow, chin tucked in your palm, and the two of you are just chatting. 

↬ which leads me to this: iwaizumi loves your voice. he can hear you talk for hours, genuinely. maybe it stems from the fact that he prefers to listen, but really, you can find him at any point in time, at any hour of the day, listening to you speak. he loves to come home to you and listen to you tell him about your day as you two eat, or calling you in the middle of the day just to check in on each other, or having you send him voice notes instead of text messages, or videos instead of pictures. he just loves to hear you, in general. it genuinely elicits this really warm feeling in his chest that he can never get enough of. 

↬ if you wear makeup often, iwaizumi loves to take it off for you. he spends a lot of time watching you when you’re both doing your nightly routines, so at some point, he just asks if he can do it for you instead. he wants to practice, he says, so that one day you can leave it completely up to him. he finds it so intimate, the vulnerability and trust of it all. he’s seen you without makeup, of course, and he thinks you’re really beautiful with and without it, but there’s nothing purer to his heart than the trust you put in him to let him take your makeup off for you. he’s really gentle at first, because there’s this irrational fear that he’s gonna hurt you somehow. if you wear fake lashes, he literally winces as he takes them off it’s adorable. but after he’s wiped it all off, and grabs a damp towel to wash off the excess and the residue, he just leans over and presses a kiss to the tip of your nose or to your lips and smiles softly. 

↬ iwaizumi is a sucker for the little domestic moments the two of you share. it literally might be his favorite thing ever. like the two of you washing the dishes together, you’re cleaning and he’s drying? or doing the laundry together? or cleaning up your messy room together, and each of you grab the ends of the blanket and lift it up to spread it over the mattress neatly? or grocery shopping together, with him trying to ignore the incredibly unhealthy choices you’ve decided to toss into the shopping cart? or him passing by your work as he comes home from his to take the two of you together? or renovating your home together, and you’re covered in paint and dust? or ordering breakfast as you lay in bed because you’re too lazy, and then eating said breakfast still in bed because you’re still lazy? or the way you walk into the bathroom while he showers to wash your face and brush your teeth and the two of you just talk? or the random pictures you send him throughout the day, maybe of a weird cloud or a pretty sunset, with a little smiley face after? or the way his family loves you, so much? the way his mother personally texts you to check in on you, to tell you to come over, to just catch up? because you’re a part of the family now? 

in conclusion, hajime wants to marry you. 

↬ he loves building things for you. like iwaizumi loves the way you just hand him the instruction manual exasperated, and he just sighs with a grin and sits by you. he’s so good at it too! and he always does it shirtless too. it’s mostly for your viewing pleasure :) 

↬ when you two go on vacation, iwaizumi’s  always setting rules like “we need to be up by 7 am to enjoy the day” and sets alarms and all, but sleeps through all of them. you end up the only one awake. he’s just on vacation mode <//3 

↬ always puts your phone in the charger if you forget before you sleep. 

↬ iwaizumi becomes cuddlier after he falls asleep. like he lets you cuddle up to him as you’re both falling asleep, but when you wake up before him, you literally won’t be able to get up, because he’s going to be half on top of you. and if you try to wake him up, he just sticks more to you. it’s so endearing, really it is, because he looks so adorable with his cheek squished to your chest like that, and his mouth slightly parted. not when it’s a battle between you and your bladder though </3

↬ loves wearing your thighs as ear muffs. like iwaizumi adores just having you lay there, and him coming around to lay between your legs, slinging them over his shoulders and locking your ankles. can literally lay there for hours. 

↬ if you ask for socks because your feet are cold, he’ll give you his. don’t ask him why he just does. 

↬ loves to hug you after a very long day. like he just groups you in his arms and holds you there as you go, “long day?” and he replies, “yeah.” then he asks, “long day?” and you go, “yeah.” and the two of you just stand there for a while, before he kisses the top of your head and leads the two of you to get into comfier clothes. 

↬ he prefers showering with you over baths, just cause he likes to get on his knees as you’re scrubbing at his hair and kissing your tummy. he doesn’t know why he loves it as much but he does, especially the way you laugh after. it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love baths as well, especially if he’s extremely tired. there is the issue of convincing him to get out, but just drain the water and watch the goosebumps raid his skin and he’ll leave. 

↬ loves it when you sit on his lap when you’re in public, especially in gatherings with a lot of his friends. he doesn’t do it out of possessiveness or jealousy, he just likes it when you’re so open and comfortable about everyone knowing you’re with him, as his partner and significant other. nothing having to do with insecurity either. he just loves it. loves the way you lean into him, and the way your waist feels against his hand, and the way you talk in slightly hushed tones to each other. 

↬ basically, when iwaizumi loves, he loves with his entire heart <3 

this literally made my entire day, i loved writing these so much. iwa has such a special place in my heart i love him so much <333 also i hope everyone enjoys these as well; love you all, mwah <333 

[xoxo-teddybear]

Troubled - Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings: Cursing, Fluff, Kinda Angst(?), Storyline

Summary: Even though the two have been dating for about 2 years, Bakugou never knew about Y/N’s troubling life. With Y/N being lost and needing to find herself again, here’s how he finds out.

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

Bakugou and you were so happy. The relationship was incredible. He loved you and you loved him. You were both so loyal to one another, so protective, so honest...sorta. That’s where you faltered a bit. You see, you had a secret.

In the 2 years that you have been together, it was obvious that you’ve already met Bakugou’s parents. However, he never met yours. You told him “they’re really strict. I doubt they want me to be dating so I don’t think it’s best for you to meet them just yet. Don’t worry, they’re awesome! Just overprotective.”

And like the good, loving, trusting boyfriend he is, he believed you! He so badly wanted to change your parents’ minds but he’ll meet them whenever you’re comfortable. He can wait. But it sucks that he could never go over even when there were times where it would just be you and him. Apparently your parents “didn’t allow anyone over while they were away.” Whatever, fair. He still loved you regardless. And besides, you always went over to his house anyway! So everything was fine.

You fed him these lies and kept the truth away from him. In reality, you did have parents. Divorced parents. A loving mother who is sadly always working from early mornings to late nights and a runaway father who eventually got a new family with new kids.

Your father left you. He left you and your mother when you were just 5 years old and you never told anyone. This caused you to be so..angry..and confused..and hurt. Your busy mother was never around to help you cope and so you resorted into actions. You took on this rebellious bad girl persona. Yes you were in the hero course, but you put up a front that displayed you as the rotten apple among the group. You were still lovable and very friendly (a little teasing but still) and people loved you. What they didn’t love was when you went over the top with your bad girl image and even Katsuki got a little peeved at it from time to time.

—

“Your homework assignment: Create a visual or report on the history of Japan’s hero industry. Japan has had a lot of unfair rules when it came to heroes and so it’s your turn to speak on them, who rebelled against them, and tell us something you rebel against. I expect it to be done next week. Don’t forget it...understand L/N?” Aizawa said as he stared you down.

You sat with your legs crossed with your chin in your hand as you blew a strand of hair out of your face. “Yeah, we’ll see how well that goes.” You sarcastically said with a nose scrunch and devious smile.

The bell rang and students began to leave the classroom. You caught up with your boyfriend, Katsuki, who waited for you at the door. You pecked his cheek before you both began walking to the dorms.

“Hey, dumbass,” He called for you.

“Yeah Suki?”

“You are gonna do the assignment right?” He questioned. You chuckled a bit as you looked at him.

“Suki, c’mon. We both know that’ll never happen.” You said with a laugh but Bakugou just looked at you with a concerned face.

“And why not? You know you can do it and you choose not to. For what? You act like they won’t kick you out of UA.” He reminded you.

“Because they won’t. It’s just homework and I make up for it by excelling at everything else,” you said proudly but he wouldn’t budge.

“Okay but first it was skipping class, then it was skipping school, now it’s dropping class and home work. When are you gonna get off this bad streak?” He asked. You felt a little hurt due to the misunderstanding. He truly didn’t understand but that wasn’t his fault. You didn’t say anything so you have no one to blame but yourself.

“Never!” You laughed, “I’ll be fine Katsuki. Besides, you like my bad side. It makes us balanced. You’re the rowdy and rude hidden Angel and I’m the sweet and pretty devil.”

“Heh, so I’m not pretty?” He jokingly asked. You faced him and wrapped your arms around his neck.

“You’re the prettiest,” you joked with him. You both giggled a bit before sharing a sweet kiss for a moment. You both separated and you began to walk hand in hand as you led the way.

“But seriously babe, be cautious. Okay? S’all im asking for. And at least try to do your homework. There’s no reason for you to be acting up like this.” He said but his words stung a bit. He..really...didn’t understand....at all. Your eyes went wide but you minimized them before turning to face him. You grew slightly silent as you stopped walking for a bit and he looked at you with a concerned yet serious face.

“....Um...yeah. Sure. And you’re right Suki. There’s uh.....no reason for this.”

—

After Katsuki walked you home, he kissed you goodbye for now before you walked into your very empty home. You sighed at the quiet and walked to the kitchen to find another note and your dinner placed in tupperware.

‘Hi baby. I’m sorry I’m not home again. I’ll be back later tonight. I have your dinner all set, just heat it up before dining.

Love you, -Mom’

Great. Another empty house for the umpteenth time in a row. You appreciated everything your mom did for the two of you. I mean, she is working 3 jobs to pay for the house and your school. Not to mention, put food on the table. But sometimes you couldn’t help but hate her for being gone so much. You missed her.

You took a shower and changed into some sleeping clothes. You brought your school bag with you to the kitchen and placed it on the seat before heating up your dinner. While waiting, you pulled out your homework.

Listen, it’s not that you didn’t want to do the homework. It’s more so that you couldn’t. You weren’t the smartest student and a lot of the time, you’d need help with the work. In class, it was easier because you had Katsuki but recently he’s been a little busier so you didn’t wanna be a bother. You didn’t wanna ask anyone else and so you resulted into helping yourself in some way. People always told you to confine in the help of your parents but one of them was gone and the other was always busy. There’s no one that could help.

You read the itinerary and came to the conclusion that it was just too hard for you to understand on your own. It would have to be another failed assignment but whatever. It was just one of many. You ate dinner, put away your work and bags and opted to sleep. Just drift away into dreamland where things were better. Where your dad was still a part of your family. Where your mom didn’t struggle in bringing home cash. Where you were a better student and person who did her work.

—

A Week Later

“So did your little brat ass even write down a sentence?” Your boyfriend teasingly asked.

“What do you think Suki?” You said with a smirk as you faced him from your desk. His eyes went wide as he stilled in his seat next to you.

“...Did you even try?” He asked, worried for your academic career and you. He tried encouraging you all week and you didn’t do anything?

“Relax babe. I opted for a visual,” you said with closed eyes and a smile. He smiled too, proud of you for getting it done.

“You actually did it? Nice work princess,” he said and leaned over to peck your cheek but you only giggled as you clarified.

“Well, more or less.” You said as you stated ahead with a smirk.

“More or less? The hell does that mean Y/-“ he was cut off by the sound of the door opening and their teacher walking in. Aizawa had walked up to the podium and began role-call. Eventually, he made it to the topic of homework and his attention was immediately focused towards you.

“L/N!” Aizawa called out in a non-aggressive or angry way. More like his form of enthusiasm.

“Yes sir?” You replied back with actual enthusiasm.

“Time to present your homework.”

“Can’t do that sir.”

“Why not?”

“Didn’t do my homework sir.”

“Why not?”

“That’s what I’m rebelling against sir.”

You smiled with a very devious demeanor and Aizawa sighed again before he continued. “Did you at least do anything for the assignment?”

“Sort of. But I’m gonna need a certain someone else to go first. Iida, I’m talking about you,” you said turning to face the very robotic and precise young man.

“I’d be glad to present first!” He said and quickly left to the hallway to bring in his visual. Now, the reason why you called on Iida first was because you knew he’d be the only one to actually do a visual and he went above and beyond. Aka, he used sparklers to give it a “wow factor” for creativity points. You would know. You had watched him do his work to see what you can rip off of him but oh well. A new plan already came into mind and so here we are!

Iida walked in with his visual to stand at the front of the doorway and yes, the sparklers were lit! You smiled at the sight and only allowed him to get a sentence out before you interrupted.

“Perfect! Thank you Iida!” You said as you got up. “But now I’m gonna need to show my assignment. You just stay right there.”

“Y/N..” Bakugou quietly called out as he watched you walk around to every student.

“Now, I’m gonna need a piece of everyone’s assignment. So I’ll take this,” you said and took Denki’s paper off his desk and went for everyone else’s as well. You lastly took Bakugou’s before walking over to Iida and taking a sparkler.

“So! For my assignment based on a rebellion, I chose to ignore the whole history part and decided to show you what’s gonna be happening in the now. This is my rebellion. Homework! Why all the homework, Aizawa?” You asked as you walked back to your desk. You kept talking as you kept walking. “We wake up at early hours, go to school, then go to hero school/training and head home with more work to do aka homework. As students, we never get to take control of what we want to do because we’re so preoccupied with school, school, school.”

“L/N...” Aizawa warned as he watched you stand on your desk.

“My rebellion? No homework, more freedom.” You said and began to bring the spark close to all the paper assignments but Aizawa snatched them out of your hand before you and the chance to start a fire.

“Al-Alright! That’s enough L/N!” He warned but you stood firm as you raised the sparkler to the roof.

“No homework, more freedom! No homework, more-“ You were cut off by the sprinklers being activated due to the spark being so close. Students ran out the room to avoid the water but Bakugou stayed with you along with Aizawa as the three of you became soaked.

10 minutes later

You and Katsuki waited outside the room together waiting for Aizawa to return to most likely scold and reprimand you. You were both drenched in water as you looked towards the ground and Katsuki grinded his teeth together. While waiting, it was clear your own boyfriend had been pissed with your actions and surprisingly, he decided to scold you as well.

“What the hell was that all about Y/N!?” Bakugou shouted as he stepped infront of you staring you down. You looked up at your boyfriend in shock. You’ve known each other ever since Junior High and not once has he ever been truly angry with you and your rebellious side. So this shouting was a shock to you.

“What? I did the assignment. I showed what I rebelled against-“

“Y/N quite acting like a dumbass! You know what I mean!” He shouted again. “You’re smart! I know you are! You have intelligence and yet you refuse to do anything useful with it! You get yourself into so much damn trouble and I’ve been trying my fucking best to lead you away from that shit but nothing seems to work! I want you to be yourself and I love you with my everything but this bad girl image isn’t you! Do you even realize how fucking disrespectful and wild you get sometimes?! It’s getting out of hand!”

You bit your lip as you looked to the floor once more. A silence over came the two of you.

“I’m sorry..” you softly said while looking up at him before the silence had a chance to grow alarmingly loud.

“I am too! Because you go too fucking far!” He said with stern eyes and a booming voice. You felt tears reach your eyes and you tried to blink them away as you looked at him and spoke again.

“....I have no one at home who helps me with my homework...” you said brokenly. Bakugou looked at you with a confused and kind of worried face as another silence grew. You said nothing and did nothing as you walked away from him, not even bothering to wait for Aizawa anymore and just went home.

—

Bakugou constantly tried to reach out to you. He called you always, spammed you with texts, left voicemail after voice and nothing. After that day, you stopped going to school. Bakugou occasionally tried going to your house to knock on the door, but it wasn’t too often due to him still believing your “strict parents” story. And either way, you never opened the door.

On the inside of your home, you were in your room. You ignored all of Bakugou’s attempts to contact you. You couldn’t be around him right now. You couldn’t be around anyone right now. You didn’t even wanna be around anyone at home but I guess that was the usual already. Your mom was too focused on working to notice her sad child but luckily she was also too busy to notice the constant phone calls from the school trying to inform her of her child’s absences. She always had a meal prepped for you when you “returned home from school,” and so that would be your meal. Including anything else you guys had laying around in the kitchen.

Days past by and most of the time, you were in your room staring down at the homework itinerary. You constantly thought about Bakugou’s words.

“You’re smart! ...... This bad girl image isn’t you!”

Was he right? You had no idea. Your dad left when you were five and it blindsided you. You’ve been lost and in the dark for 11 years. Was this bad girl who you were? Were you smart? Did you even know who you really were? You would constantly stare at yourself in the mirror trying to figure out and recognize who the girl in front of you was but you never figured it out. You thought you did but maybe you were wrong.

You spent a lot of time on your phone, specifically through the photo album on it that was filled with pictures of you and Katsuki. It made you smile looking at all the memories. You smiled at the fact that you were blessed with him. He brings out a better you...the best you....the real you. All the times you were with him were all genuine. It was the real you. And you had finally realized that. But you couldn’t be sure.

The bad girl you was still a part of who you were for over a decade of your life. Maybe that was who you were now. And there was only one way you could find out.

—

It’s been a week and you still weren’t in school. The day ended and Bakugou still waited and waited for you. He never stopped trying to reach out to you. He never stopped because he loved you but now, he also had questions.

‘What did you mean when you said you had nobody at home to help you?’ He thought to himself. The end of the day bell rang and Bakugou, too lost in his mind, didn’t realize all the students leaving. He didn’t even realize Mr. Aizawa walking up to him.

“Bakugou..” he began.

“Tch...the hell do you want?” He said while still staring down at his desk. Aizawa stared down at the sad blonde, slightly in shocked. He had never seen his loud, angry, prideful student this way.

“How’s L/N doing?” He asked.

“Like I would know. She hasn’t spoken to me in days.” Bakugou easily confessed. He honestly didn’t care how he looked. He’s been bottling up everything and needed to talk to someone. He was a little glad it was just his teacher and not one of his peers who he thought would just tease him for the weakness he was displaying.

“Well try to keep an eye on her.” he said and Bakugou looked up at him in confusion. “L/N may put up a tough front, but she’s human. She can only take so much before she explodes like a volcano. Knowing her, it can go 2 ways. She either breaks down in tears and gets everything off her chest or most likely, she’ll follow her rebellious behavior and utterly screw up. Who knows what trouble she could get herself into.”

Bakugou’s eyes shot open at the thought of you committing such terrible things. Aizawa walked back to his yellow sleeping bag once he realized Bakugou got the message.

“However, I will say this,” he said and got into his bag. “She’s very lucky to have you as her light in the dark. Make sure you continue to be her light until she’s completely away from the shadows.”

Bakugou nodded his head in silence as he stood up and went home. Tomorrow, he was going to get to the bottom of this. He won’t let his little volcano blow.

—

The blonde had gotten ready and planned to head over to your house to talk to you. Not try to. He will speak to you and he will help you. As he walked into the gates of UA he was shocked to see a pretty face waiting for him at the entrance.

“Hey Suki!” You said with a smile as you walked to him and wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Y/N...” Bakugou gasped out quietly. Once he felt your embrace around his neck he was quick to wrap his arms around your waist and hold you tight. He buried his face in the crook of your neck and melted into the scent of you. He held you so close you were kind of losing oxygen.

“Umm..Suki. Can’t breath!” You said jokingly. Bakugou was quick to let go but still keep a loose hold on you.

“Sorry! Sorry- I just- I-“

“Hey, don’t worry. I’m glad you missed me,” you said with a wink and Bakugou smiled. He truly did miss you. “But right now, we should get to class.”

Bakugou was shocked you were choosing to go to class but he nodded with a soft smile and followed your lead nonetheless. You walked into the classroom and took your seat after making eye contact with Aizawa. When you were seated, Aizawa looked at Bakugou and gave a signal of an explosion with his hands and mouth. Bakugou got the idea.

At any time, this might be the buildup to Y/N’s explosion.

Bakugou took his seat and was quick to talk to you. “Baby? You’re not gonna....burst or something right? Everything is fine? Yeah?”

“Uhh, kinda? I mean, I’m pretty secure. I just wanna find myself after all the years of being so lost. .....I’m sure that soon I’ll get those answers.” You calmly said.

“What do you mean?” Bakugou said. He knew it. You were gonna explode. And he also realized he needed answers too. What the hell was going on with you and why didn’t he know?

“Don’t worry love!” You cheerfully said as Aizawa began class. Time went by and class continued. Bakugou was constantly looking your way to check for any signs of agitation. Suddenly, the fire alarm rang and students jumped at the loud sound. Some began walking out as Bakugou sighed in relief.

“Oh thank god! You exploded,” he sighed with his head back and hand on his chest.

“What do you mean?” You questioned.

“You. You exploded. This is you getting all the frustrations off your chest,” he stood up and addressed everyone. “It’s fine idiots. This is just Y/N being a little delinquent,”

“Your blood pumping?” You calmly asked.

“Yup,” Bakugou said with a satisfied smile.

“Good, I didn’t do it,” you calmly said to Bakugou but he continued.

“Yes you did! Im assuming she started a fire but it’s fine. S’not a villain or something so don’t sweat it.” He said aloud. “Go ahead and get out of here Morons, I’ll make sure she’s in check.”

“I-...I didn’t do it,” you still calmly said but this time to reassure the class as Bakugou grabbed your wrist.

“Yes you did, and it’s fine! Because this is how you get all the bad out so now you can’t do anymore bad for 3,000 years.” He said happily but you still looked at him with a bored stare when out of nowhere, the alarm stopped and Principle Nezu came onto the loud speaker.

“Sorry students. False alarm. No need to worry, please proceed with your studies.” The students sighed in relief and Bakugou’s smile dropped as he finally realized this wasn’t you going boom.

“You didn’t do this? You aren’t a volcano?” He asked.

“No explody,” you said in a sing-song voice as you shook your head.

“You need a nap?” He asked. Maybe instead of exploding, you could just sleep off the issues.

“Wide awakey,” you replied.

“..You’re gonna burst and destroy the whole village, aren’t ya?” He sadly and metaphorically asked. You nodded your head as you replied.

“......And the neighboring towns.”

Bakugou just groaned and dropped your wrist as he sat back down with an annoyed face. You giggled as you took your seat too.

—

The bell that signaled the end of the day rang and you were quick on your feet as you skidded to Bakugou and pecked his cheek. He looked up at you with a soft smile, poked his lips out a little, and pointed at his lips for an actual kiss (which you gladly gave.)

“What’s the rush dumbass?” He asked.

“I’ve got somewhere to be. Don’t worry though, I’ll be fine!” You reassured him.

“..Alright I guess? You still coming over later for dinner with the old hags or...?”

“I’ll be there Suki!” You said and his nerves settled a bit. He kissed you on your cheek and nodded before he allowed you to leave the room and head off to wherever. As he watched you go, he couldn’t stop the uncomfortable stress he felt in his chest.

—

A few hours had passed since Bakugou’s last seen you. After school he went straight to the gym before dinner. While working out, his mind couldn’t help but wonder what you were up to. What was so important that it had you rushing around like that?

While Katsuki sat at the gym questioning your whereabouts, you were walking to the park with a book bag. You walked into the closed park. It was beautiful. The calming winds, the soft grass, the shining moon, and the beautiful gardens that held happy statues. Too bad you were here to find out who you were.

You placed the bag down on a bench and pulled out your tools. A brick, a hammer, spray cans, and matches. You looked at the instruments you brought and sighed at your actions. Were you really going to demolish a beautiful place just to discover yourself? Was this bad girl image really worth it? You hesitated before you went in to pick up the hammer but before you could, a familiar voice spoke up.

“Well look what we have here. Miss Y/N L/N, the rebel herself.” You turned around to see a few old friends. Haruki Gen, the professional gambler and money hussler and Izumi Tobio, the ruthless fighter. These two were your old friends. People you used to get into a whole lotta trouble with. You three were a delinquent trio that were all about no rules and no restraints. You completely forgot this was the usual hang where you three would just relax after a hard day of mean pranks, harmless stealing, and bullying.

“Haruki. Izumi. S’been awhile,” you said with a nonchalant smile.

“Of course it has. You left us after you got with that blondie boy-wonder.” Haruki teased. You chuckled but were offended as they picked at your boyfriend.

“His name is Katsuki.” You said with your hands in your back pockets.

“Whatever,” Izumi interrupted. “It’s a little dark out here. It gets scary when it gets dark around here.”

“Oh, I appreciate the warning.” You softly said with rudeness laced into the message.

“So where’s boy wonder?” Haruki asked.

“Katsuki.”

“Boy wonder. We see you got a brick and hammer here. Boy wonder isn’t gonna stop you?”

“Once again, Katsuki.” You warned.

“Yeah yeah. You gonna tell us what you’re doing here with those things. Whatcha’ gonna do? Build a house?” She teased.

“She’s Y/N L/N. She’s gonna burn the place down,” Izumi said as she wrapped an arm around your shoulder.

“Nah,” Haruki Said. “She’s changed. She’s gone soft. Just like boy wonder.”

“Okay, I’m gonna need you to start calling him Katsuki.” You warned.

“You’re soft like Katsuki. Better?” Izumi said softly into the side of your face.

“I’m not soft.” You said but Izumi disagreed.

“Yeaaahhhh you are. You’ve gone soft. But that’s okay. ‘Cuz we can fix that. And you know how we fix things? With a hammer.” She said and looked to Haruki. You both watched as Haruki went to pick up the hammer you brought and walk back to her spot next to you. “We could do a loootttt of damage with this equipment. Is that what you came here for? To see what you’re still capable of?”

“....Yeah....yeah I came to see what I’m still capable of.” You replied with a quiet but dark voice.

“Really?” Izumi said. “Because I’d love to have you back here doing damage with us.”

“Mhm!” Haruki agreed. “Now...watch and remember that this is what we do with a hammer.” She said before she bashed the head clean off the neck of a statue that oddly resembled your own boyfriend. You slightly flinched at the sound and sight of destruction while Izumi walked to Haruki.

“Okay slugger, let’s give someone else a chance,” she said and took the hammer from Haruki before placing it in your hands. “Show us what you got....softie.”

You took the hammer and once again hesitated before you raised the tool in the air to smash the statue. You freezed midway before you could finish the job. The statue really did remind you of Katsuki and you didn’t know if you had it in you to destroy anything reminding you of him. You paused for awhile and Izumi sighed as she took the hammer out of your hand.

“You’re soft L/N. I know it. You know it.”

“You’re not one of us anymore.” Haruki said.

“Exactly. You’re too soft to be one of us.” Izumi pushed you a bit, causing you to stumble forward slightly. “You chose the wrong group of friends. Chose the wrong person to associate with....you chose him. And he made you weak. So why don’t you just admit he made you weak and go home-“

“No. Because I’m not week.” You said as you faced them.

“Oh yeah? Prove it.” Haruki said as she walked towards you and you to her. “Take this hammer from me and prove it. Or else I’m gonna bust up Mr. Perfect right in front of you. ‘Cuz I don’t see anyone here who can stop me.” She said as she motioned towards the statue. She went in to bash it once more and you were quick to grab her arm and snatch the hammer out of her hand.

“Yeah there is,” you said and walked to the bench and picked up the hard piece of rock. “‘Cuz I’ve got the brick, and I’ve got the hammer.”

The two girls smirked at you and Izumi spoke up once more. “Good for you L/N. You know what you’re gonna do with those?”

You sighed through your nose before taking your arm and wrapping it around Izumi very casually, but brought her below your level and whispered in her ear but remained loud enough for Haruki to hear. “I know exactly what I’m gonna do with those.....I know exactly who I am.”

You pushed Izumi off of you and watched her backup to Haruki. They both looked at you in shock and slight fear as you held the weapons that you were capable of harming them with. You stared them down as they watched you with caution.

—

Hinata L/N. Your mother. She returned home at a surprisingly early hour of the night after finishing her final shift. She was exhausted and completely overworked, but knowing she made some money to support her and her daughter made her smile. She was glad she got to come home and spend some time with her daughter but when she called out your name, only silence filled the air.

She walked to the kitchen but stopped in shock to find the dinner she left for you completely untouched. It remained on the island with the Saran Wrap still covering it. Worried, she went up to her daughters room only to open it and see no one. Hinata’s eyes went wide in shock. Where was her baby girl? She ran to the closet in hopes of you being there, went to the bathroom to find it empty, and even went to the backyard to no avail. The entire time she screamed your name with tears filling her eyes. In a panic, she called a close friend of hers, telling her that she was on her way for a quick visit. It may have been years since they’ve spoken, but the bond was still there and help and comfort was all she needed right now.

—

Bakugou had finished his time at the gym, took a quick shower there, and made it home. When he walked through the front door, he didn’t expect to find his worried parents consulting a sad woman.

“The hell happened?” The young blonde questioned. The adults in the room took notice of the boy as he walked into the living room and Mitsuki was the first to speak up.

“Katsuki, this is my old friend Hinata. She’s come here for help.” Mitsuki quickly explained. Usually, she’d check her son for his abrasive language but let it slide as she wanted to out her full attention of her dear friend.

“That still doesn’t explain what happened, ya old hag.” Bakugou said placing his bag down and taking a seat. He was a hero trainee and it was in him to help those in need. Granted, he was kinda peeved at not seeing his girlfriend for a few hours and helping out some random, sappy, sad stranger wasn’t really intriguing but a hero’s gotta do what a hero’s gotta do.

“My daughter, Y/N, had gone missing.” Hinata explained. She was worried, yes, but she had always allowed Y/N to wander the city so in the back of her mind she hoped her daughter was just extending the time of her little stroll or whatever she was doing.

“Y/N?” Bakugou whispered to himself.

“Katsuki, you idiot! Your girlfriend!” Mitsuki shouted at the boy. Bakugou’s eyes popped open as he stood from his seat in a rush. He felt his heart about to blow in fear of something bad happening to his Y/N.

“WHAT?! Where the hell did she go?!” Bakugou screamed in fear with a worried look. Before any adults could answer a cop walked through the open door.

“I can answer that.” Officer Haru said. The four of them all looked towards the door to see the officer at the door way. They watched as the officer faced the door and tilted his head inwards. In came another officer that dragged along Y/N. The officer kept Y/N’s arm behind her back as she stumbled forward the slightest bit.

“Baby girl, what happened?” Hinata said as she got up in concern. You remained silent as you allowed officer Haru to speak.

“I’ll tell you what happen. Musutafu code 459 and 623.” He said.

“Vandalism? And Physical Assualt?” Masaru said concerned.

“What?!” Mitsuki said in shocked.

“What?” Hinata said in follow.

“Y/N...what the hell did you do?” Bakugou said in concern as he faced you. Your boyfriend kept his worried but stern gaze on you but that was because Bakugou was shocked. He knew you would explode but committing crimes and assault? Not to mention getting arrested? That’s not what he expected at all.

“You...” you began as you slanted your sight to your Pomeranian of a boyfriend. “You did this to me! Lock me up and put me in jail for the rest of my life and don’t allow visitors or else he’ll show up and bring me my stupid homework!” You said as you walked towards him but the officer held his hand out infront of you to keep you from getting any closer.

“Well first of all, I’d be helping your dumbass!” Bakugou said in reply. The officer took a look at Bakugou and spoke again.

“You’re the kid who’s head she put back on,” Haru said as he pointed towards Katsuki.

“What?” The blonde boy said.

“He’s my boyfriend and he ruined me!” You said still being held back by officer Haru’s arm.

“She’s my girlfriend and I love her,” Bakugou said with a stern voice and his hands in his pockets as he glared you down. “Look, Y/N. Just tell me what you did.”

“She assaulted two teenage girls and did a number on a public park. My park. I watch that park every day and it has never met harm not once until she came along.

“I’m sorry...” you softly said. A quick silence filled the room before Haru spoke once more.

“You all care about this girl?”

“We do.” Mitsuki said with 100% sureness.

“Then let’s all take a field trip down to my park so I can show you all just what she did. Let’s go.” Haru said and guided everyone out the door. Katsuki tried to grab your arm to get an explanation on his own but you shook your head, took his hand, and guided him as well.

After a short walk, you all made it to the park. All of you had walked through the gates to find the concrete area had been completely altered. The walls were painted in beautiful colors with inspiring murals, covering them in words of hope. Extremely precise and intricate chalk designs were covering the ground and the once broken statue had been fixed completely. You all looked around in awe. You walked towards the statues and Bakugou followed you.

“.....I had a brick in my hand.”

“Why?” Bakugou asked with a soft voice. You looked up to him with an equally soft expression as you spoke quietly.

“..because somebody went after you..I know you can defend yourself Suki but..still.”

“Who Y/N?” Mitsuki asked with worry. You took a breath before continuing as you opened up about your past a bit.

“..These two girls I used to know. These two troubled girls I used to know. I could’ve been them..I was one of them. And Suki, even today I would’ve been one of them.” You said but you made eye contact and broke into the smallest smile as you stared into his ruby eyes. “But I’m not. ‘Cuz they think a hammer and a brick makes you strong and as much as I wanted to throw a brick through a window..I knew it would’ve made me weak. I’m strong. And I know it’s because there’s something inside me that stops me from being weak and being one of them, and you are the reason why I have that something. And that something is the reason why I’ll never do any true damage.”

“Because you’re not bad, Y/N.” Bakugou said with a soft smile. You nodded your head and agreed.

“Yeah....why am I not bad?” You asked in confusion. Bakugou chuckled as he took your hands in his and placed his forehead to yours.

“Because it’s just not who you are. You may be a rebel at times, but you’re a rebel with a cause....it’s why I love you.” He softly said and you whimpered a bit at his words as he pulled you in for a tight hug and you slightly weeped into his shoulder. He kissed your temple to calm you down and you pulled your face away from him and just allowed your body to rest against his.

“What happened to the girls?” Masaru asked. You pulled away from Bakugou but allowed him to hold onto your side as you explained with a quivering voice.

“Oh, well they may or may have not insulted everyone and everything I love, so I may or may not have used my hero training against them until they learned their lesson.....especially since they were the ones who destroyed the statue.” You explained and they all just chuckled at your explanation.

“Yeah....they ran away so fast,” you chuckled out softly.

A comfortable silence came around until officer Haru spoke again. “My park. I watch this park everyday.”

You pulled away from Bakugou and stepped to the officer. “...I’m sorry..” you quietly said as you placed your wrists together, expecting the old officer to cuff you. Instead he stared at your wrists before softly grabbing them with his hands and just holding them.

“..You know I’m not gonna give up on that Izumi and Haruki. But I don’t want you to be anything like them.” Old officer Haru said with a comforting voice.

“Heh...I can’t....Katsuki won’t let me.” And the group all chuckled and laughed at that. Haru let go of your hands as he spoke again.

“Musutafu code 459 and 623. Vandalism. Physical Assualt. I’m gonna write this report down. And I’m gonna put it into a file. And then I’m gonna “misplace” that file. And if I never hear from you two hoodlums again, then that file remains misplaced.” He said, admitting to letting you off the hook. You sighed a little as Katsuki walked up to the two of you and softly spoke to you.

“....Ima hoodlum.” He said. Oh, the comedic relief this boy is bringing. You looked at him but went back to the officer as you looked at him in confusion.

“Why’re you letting me off the hook?” You asked but officer Haru just looked around at his newly renovated park.

“My park....I look at this park everyday....I have hope for this park too.” You smiled at him before he nodded with his cap and walked away from you all. The adults all looked at the two teens and saw Katsuki nod his head as he held you. They decided to give the two of you some space and head back to the house while you and Katsuki took a seat on the bench. You sat next to each other in a warm silence as Katsuki kept an arm around your waist and held you tight.

“...You still owe me an explanation Y/N.” He said and you nodded as you looked to him. He was right. You not only owed him an explanation but he deserved one too. And so you told him everything. All the lies, how your father left early on, how it was just you and your mother who struggled to keep the lights on. You told him you lied to him to prevent him from worrying, claiming that the troubled life was everything you knew and you thought you would be able to survive without his help. When he asked how his mother knew yours but didn’t know that you were the daughter of her dear friend, you told him how she did know but you begged her to not tell Katsuki. You told Mitsuki you would tell Katsuki eventually but eventually never came until now. Katsuki, being the great boyfriend that he is, listened to everything. He didn’t judge you for anything. Was he a little mad at the lies? Yes, but he understood. And he still loved you nonetheless.

Eventually, it became so late that the sun began to rise over the park and you were all cuddled up into Katsuki’s side with your knees pressed up against your chest. He rested his head on yours as you rested your own on his shoulder. You both just reveled in the intimate moment and savored every second.

“Hey princess?”

“Yeah Suki?” Bakugou looked towards the statue and smiled before speaking.

“Thanks for putting my head back on.”

You looked at him, pecked his cheek, and snuggled in closer.

“Yeah.....same to you.”

A/N: Hey Cubs! I know this wasn’t really a Bakugou x Reader kinda thing but I like the story line of it and I wrote it so HAH! Truthfully though, I hoped you all enjoyed it. Stay tuned. Oh! And part 9 of “Oh, The Lies You Tell” will be out shortly! See you soon Cubs!

[romanticahwi]

Stray Kids as Princes

requested: no

genre: fluff + a bit suggestive

ship: skz x gn!reader

warnings: a bit of suggestiveness of sexual deeds, mentions of swords and fighting, mentions of injuries, lmk if there is more

not proof read! (minors dni)

a/n: we apologize for being so inactive recently! here’s a new work we’ve been working on, we hope it makes up for our long absence.

Bang Chan

    •    Probably one of the sweetest rulers ever

    •    Incredibly approachable

    •    Gives you the best advice you’ve ever heard sometimes whenever you’re having problems

    •    Sometimes you forget he’s royalty because you just feel so comfortable around him

    •    Lots of people swoon over him because honestly how could you not? Especially since he’s so sweet literally 24/7

    •    Nobody has ever seen him unhappy before, and he has certainly never been seen angry - only slightly annoyed but that itself is a rare sight

    •    He has a big soft spot for puppies and just all things cute

    •    He might have once proposed to change the name of his kingdom to something puppy-related (Succeeded in changing the national flag to something that had puppy paws in it)

    •    He enjoys swimming a lot, and there will almost always be a crowd of fans watching him and cheering him on every time! He may get really shy about it, but on the inside, he secretly likes it and it motivates him to do better!

Bang Chan As Your Prince

    •    As a lover, this man treats you like you’re royalty too, even if you aren’t!

    •    He will never allow you to degrade yourself or put yourself down but if that’s your way of coping, he won’t hesitate to give you his full, undivided attention…and then he’ll shower you with love and very kind words (he’s incredible with them - it never fails to blow you away)

    •    His singing voice is lovely, you often ask for him to sing you to sleep which is something he loves to do! He sees it as a way to get in some minutes of practice so he can improve himself

    •    He always wants to better himself and take care of others so much to the point that he’ll ignore his own needs, so he’ll definitely need someone to take care of him

    •    You sometimes can’t believe you’re lucky enough to call him yours, but he feels the same about you too, and he’ll always make it known (You swear your heart melts a little (in the best way possible) whenever he gets shy)

    •    He’s very cuddly, he loves giving you hugs; if there’s a day that goes by where he doesn’t give you one at least once throughout the day, then you know something is wrong

    •    He giggles a lot, and anything can set him off but you find it to be incredibly endearing

    •    He is just so soft…especially in the bedroom, but there are times when things get a little more heated

    •    “In a world that was dark and grey, you came along and painted beautiful, vibrant colors”

Lee Know

 •    He seems unapproachable at first because of his icy stare, but that’s quite the contrary actually (he’s actually an incredibly warm human being)

    •    Loves to crack jokes! Most of them are cat-related, but don’t comment on that or else he’ll probably stare at you weirdly and will continue to do so until you let it go

    •    Don’t tell anyone, but he secretly loves playing with cats in his free time, and sometimes whenever he has to spend a full day tending to his ✨ royal duties ✨ you’ll find him squeezing time in to pet some stray cats or to rescue them

    •    Speaking of rescuing stray cats, he’s incredibly passionate that no cat should be homeless and each should be loved and taken care of

    •    Not just cats, but he believes any stray animal shouldn’t be left without a home or a loving owner (He himself has three cats)

    •    He’s basically the president of the kingdom’s animal rescue team, and he often checks up on the shelter to either play with some of the animals there, or he’ll chose one and spontaneously run around the kingdom to promote how adorable they are in hopes of finding them a home at the end of the day

Lee Know as your Prince

 •    You must be an animal lover like him, because you guys will spend so much time together at the shelter to play with them!

    •    He’s a little awkward when it comes to affection, specifically hugs, but with given time, he’ll warm up to it! Plus, he’s awkward in a cute way

    •    He’s gifted you a cat plushie which you’re unable to sleep without at night, sometimes you’ll catch him stealing it from you because he claims that it’s just too adorable

    •    You guys have ice cream dates a lot, because he seems to have a second stomach for it

    •    Whenever you go with him to get his portrait painted, he loves to pose in funny positions and make funny faces, there are a lot of portraits consisting of him doing so, finding a more serious one is kind of rare but hey…you’re just glad to see his true personality that he’s a bit hesitant to share with the rest of the kingdom

    •    You happened to discover this on accident, but he likes it when you ruffle his hair and look at him fondly, it makes his heart race

    •    He often guards his emotions, but you feel thankful whenever he opens up to you because sometimes you get worried when he bottles them up for a little too long

    •    He can be a bit evil sometimes, and that shows in the bedroom but he makes sure to never do something you’re not comfortable with - your needs come first  

   •    “You are my pride and joy, I feel so lucky to have you”

Changbin

• SUCH A FUN MAN!

• Nicknamed the prince of fun! Only by a few people…everyone else refers to him as the “pig-bunny prince” because he has a big obsession with Dwaekki (he might even be the face of the kingdom…literally. aka the national flag)

• You can trust him with practically anything. But do expect him to playfully tease you most of the time!

• He can be really loud! Even if you’re a few rooms down from whatever room he’s in, there’s no doubt you’ll be able to hear him

• He really loves music, he’s in charge of anything music-related (He’s hosted rap classes before, and a lot of people found them to be a bit on the difficult side because he can rap incredibly fast)

• He’s pretty chill, and kind of like a best friend to everyone - he’s that open to things and he’s incredibly reliable (He’s got everyone’s back, whether you’re close to him or not.)

Changbin As Your Prince

• He’s a very fun lover as well, your love life together is always full of excitement

• Certain activities could possibly cause him to get severely injured, and you always mentally note that you should tell him to stop, but seeing the pure joy on his face…you can’t help but to change your mind. (He’s a little daredevil, it’s kind of rare to see him mellowed-out, and when you do, you should probably be concerned when he isn’t being his loud, hyper self)

• He can be pretty affectionate when he wants to be but he displays his love for you through other actions rather than physical affection

• He too, is very good with his words! He makes you feel like you’re on cloud 9

• That “cool guy” act that he’s got going on? It doesn’t show up as much when he’s with you, because he’s just that comfortable with you. (Plus he thinks that you deserve to see the true Changbin…the man behind the prince that everyone else doesn’t get to see)

• His playfulness shows up in the bedroom too, along with ruthless teasing, like sometimes you’ll have to beg for him to have mercy on you but in his opinion that just makes things more exciting

“What was my life before? Ever since we met, I can’t seem to live without you anymore”

Hyunjin

the softest when it came to serving his kingdom

his gentle voice and soft smile always brought people to ease when they were around him

an equestrian. when not attending to royal duties, he’s always riding a horse or in the stable

as the only child and only son, he must take over the kingdom, no questions asked

throws an annual winter wonderland festival to show his gratitude to his subjects

his kind smile is loved by all

Hyunjin as your Prince

so so so loving oh my

would help you make bracelets for the small children in the kingdom

would press loving kisses to your face with that shy smile of his

would also take you on horse rides! in the morning, middle of the day, at night? you name it!

intimacy between you two was so loving and soft

he would show you how much he loves you with sweet kisses and gentle words

“everyday when I watch the sunset, I realize I’ll get to spend another day with you.”

Han

he gives off the vibe that he wouldn’t want to rule the kingdom after his father.

he wants to pursue music, but the king is against it.

so against it, that Jisung has to do what he loves behind his father’s back

very playful; loves sword fighting and horseback riding

everyone in the kingdom as a slight crush on him

he’s known for being very heroic; he’s saved many people and the protected the kingdom with an iron fist

he may not want to rule in the future, but he still cares about his subjects like family

very giving as well; always there if anyone is in a bad situation, whether it’s big or small.

Han as your Prince

very loving; loves pressing kisses all over your face, and having his hands on your body

very protective. If anyone looks at you with barely even a little interest, it’s all over.

when you two get intimate, I see him being the one to initiate everything

he would take care of you, kissing down your body with soft praises and soft touches

holds your waist gently while doing the do

“ there are many bright stars in the sky, but you’re the brightest out of them all, baby.”

Felix

the sweetest prince ever.

cares so much about his subjects; maybe more than himself

everyone loves him, and are very ready for him to take over the kingdom

hosts monthly bake sales that the entire kingdom can participate in, which also helps feed people in need

dances when he’s not attending to royal duties, and oh my, he’s a beautiful dancer

during the cold winters, he hosts as much shelter for people as he can

being the only son in his family, he needs to find a significant other soon because his father is getting old to keep running the kingdom

Felix as your Prince

no surprise, but he’s the sweetest

he can’t keep his hands off of you when you’re together

hands on your waist, holding your hand, any skinship, he’s doing it.

when you two were intimate, regardless of his roll, his eyes would be filled with so much love.

loves it when you run your hands through his hair, tugging it gently

nonstop kisses. he’s completely addicted to your lips.

“i might be the kingdoms pride and joy, but you are my absolute universe.”

Seungmin

very strategic and well educated. he knows what he’s doing, and knows how to do it well.

extremely brave. he’s saved the country multiple times.

he comes off as cold, but behind closed castle doors, he’s an energetic puppy.

loves to sing in his free time

often gets caught singing in the castle garden, and gosh he sounds beautiful

extremely protective over his family. You hurt them, he hurts you.

Seungmin as your Prince

cold on the outside, warm on the inside

will not go father than keeping his arm out for you to wrap around when you’re in public

but within castle walls? he’s all over you.

kisses kisses kisses galore

smiles brightly only for you :(

sings you to sleep every night

when you two are intimate, he usually wants it soft and slow so he can show you how much he loves you

soft praises and slow, romantic kisses

holds your hand the entire time

“you are more beautiful than the cherry blossom blooms on a sunny day.”

I.N.

playful but caring

he always is holding a smile on his face. there’s never a point and time where people weren’t seeing him smiling.

however he takes his royal duties very seriously. when someone is in trouble, he’ll put the villain in their place.

a fencer. he finds such a thrill in fighting someone with a sword.

since he has an older brother, he doesn’t have to take over the kingdom, and he’s happy about it.

ideally want to live in a forest, surrounded by trees and wonder.

I.N. as your Prince

so so so caring. he cares about no one when it comes to you.

he loves to press gentle kisses all across your face, neck, jaw, etc. he just thinks you’re so beautiful.

would love it when you showed up to his fencing matches. he loved it when you were there to cheer him on.

you two would stay up till the rise of the sun singing and giggling with each other.

would hold you close when you two eventually fell asleep.

this sweetheart would let you take any role when it came to intimacy. he was an absolute fool for you.

“When the sky is filled with sweet, bird songs, I get reminded of you.”

- atalia & arya

[austajunk]

How about our boy Nagisa Shingetsu? ^.^

You mean the saddest boy to ever exist? Sure, let’s talk about Nagisa!

My first impression of him was that if I was a kid, he would be the kid I would shove into a locker (I was a very mean kid lol). His design makes him look like such a square in my opinion. But past that, they make it pretty clear that he’s the overachieving serious type of the Warriors of Hope, the one who actually wants to make a difference while the other ones are kinda messing around like kids. I got the impression that he was the type of kid to be like “I’m the mature one, I swear! I’m so above playing around” which makes him very endearing to me. I think all older siblings (which I am) have a need to be the serious leader in charge.

Of course, I find it very interesting that while he does strive to be serious and goal-oriented, he (as noted by Kodaka and the writers) is probably the most “childish” of the Warriors of Hope. And I think that’s in his hopefulness and ideals. Unlike Kotoko, he allows himself to believe in Monaca and to be manipulated by her because he has a little boyish crush and because he genuinely cares about the other kids. He’s the one who most notably cares for Jataro when the others find him disgusting. I think deep down inside (and maybe this is confirmed) that he knew his hopes for a children’s paradise were never going to come into fruition but he wanted to try so badly just like a kid playing pretend.

Chapter four is so interesting because when the Monokuma kids start turning on him, he freezes up and goes completely immobile until you take care of the attackers. His trauma is on full display constantly. His fear of overstepping the lines of those around him, his need to be accepted, his constant edging around confrontation because it terrifies him… Nagisa is just a horrifically sad story of a boy whose parents saw him as a commodity and status symbol instead of a human being.

I think the thing to take away from Nagisa in retrospect is what he says to Toko and Komaru in Chapter Four about how society (and religion and other factors) expect children to just forgive their parents for being fucking terrible and to just live with abuse. That’s true. There is a thing in society (and particularly Japanese society) where you’re meant to just accept things and respect your parents and family no matter what, even if they’re destroying and abusing you everyday. As Nagisa says, none of this may have happened if the children were just allowed to fucking hate their parents! But instead, society repressed them because that’s easier and more acceptable from children. They stuck the Warriors of Hope in the troubled kids class. The police brought Masaru back to his abusive father. The entertainment industry continued to exploit Kotoko. Jataro was neglected until he began to believe he was ugly and only deserved repulsion.

Nagisa is smart. He knows what could have happened to make this all better and I think there is a small piece of him that hoped desperately that society and adults were better so he didn’t have to be this way. He’s the only one to have regrets about killing his parents despite what they’ve done to him. This is why he was probably labeled as the most childish among the Warriors of Hope. Because he really did have that optimistic idealism in his heart which added to a much more horrific and emotional breakdown for him in the end.

But in a sense, I must repeat that as much as I really feel for Nagisa, I think he needed to breakdown and get defeated like that. As I said, sometimes things really do just need to fall apart before they start to get any better. And they do. The kids come back at the end and in the anime, Nagisa starts to put some trust in Komaru and Toko to tell them about Monaca and to ask them not to hurt her. It’s a small change, but it is the first step and something incredibly significant for Nagisa to open himself up to trust again.

Also, not strictly important, I think it’s pretty funny how he came to beat up Servant with his robot after that intense scene of Komaru and Toko reaching this moment of beautiful understanding. Perfect writing imo.

[thepremedthatwrites]

Stable Boy

request: Hey may I request a smut with Edmund in an au sort of thing? Either reader is a princess with a thing for Edmund and they’re enemies to lovers or he’s a servant in her kingdom and he is her secret admirer and he eventually tempts her and smut ensues lmao thank you

warning: smut below the cut

I burst into the room, the sound of the large mahogany doors banging against the walls echoing throughout the room.  My parents both turned to me.  My father held an amused smile on his face whilst my mother furrowed her eyebrows, a frown very much evident.  “(Y/n), where were you?” my mother questioned as I made my way to my seat.

“My guess is riding horses,” my father answered with, leaning forward to pick out a blade of hay from my (h/c) locks.  

“I promise to be on time for dinner tomorrow,” I said.

“That’s what you’ve been saying for as long as you could speak,” my mother replied with, letting out a sigh.

“What do you expect of her Maria, she’s a teenage girl,” my father chuckled as he took a bite of the chicken.  My father caught my eye, giving me a quick wink.  I smiled back, looking between my two parents.  My father was laid back in his seat as he ate, a golden crown atop his head.  My mother sat straight up, as if balancing the piece of metal that dressed her head.  I brought my hand up to my head in order to feel my own crown only to find nothing there.  Dread filled me as the realization sunk in.  I tried to play it off, forcing a smile on my face as I ate, hoping my parents just assumed I had left my tiara in my bedchambers.

A knock on the door caused all three of us to turn.  Standing in the door frame was a boy who seemed to be around my age, if not a year or so older.  His dark brown locks fell onto his forehead, his cheeks a light shade of pink.  In his hands was my tiara.  The boy gave a quick bow before speaking.  “I apologize for disrupting your dinner but I found the princess’s tiara in the stables.”  My mom glanced at me, her eyes filled with annoyance.

The boy walked towards me, his eyes looking into mine.  His action surprised me.  Most people wouldn’t dare look a royal in the eyes.  His brown eyes seemed to hold a sparkle in them as I grabbed my tiara from his hands.  Our fingers brushed and I felt my cheeks warm at the contact.  The boy bowed one last time before turning and exiting.  I couldn’t help but watch as he left, not turning to my parents until he was completely out of sight.

“(Y/n).  Are you even listening to what I’m saying?” my mother questioned as I focused my attention back to the conversation. 

“Of course, mother,” I replied with, taking a sip from my goblet.  “I’ll be sure to be more careful with my tiara next time.” 

A week had gone by since the tiara incident and my mind had forgotten about the stable boy.  I was reading in the library when a servant came into the room.  I looked to see an envelope in their hand.  “A letter for you, Your Highness.”  I put down my book, as the servant handed me the envelope. 

“Thank you,” I said, already tearing it open.  The servant nodded before leaving.  I unfolded the paper within to see a note scrawled in small and neat handwriting. 

I look up at the moon and tell her of your beauty.

The stars listen to my stories of my love for you.

Written in the night sky are my dreams of you.

-E

I felt my face warm as I read the letter, a smile subconsciously forming on my face.  I looked around the library to see no one else present.  Never had I received a love letter before.  The thought of someone’s admiration for me being strong enough to cause them to write something so beautiful made me blush.  My mind wandered as I thought of who would write me something like this.  Perhaps the Prince of Archenland.  But he had never shown an interest in writing.  Maybe a lord from Calormen.  Though any particular person failed to come to mind.  Whoever it was had written E at the end.  Perhaps it was the beginning of their name?

I slipped the note back into the envelope before gently putting it into my book.  I then closed my book and made my way to my room as my mind continued to think of who it could be.  I couldn’t think of anyone I knew who had a name starting with E.  I went to bed that night preoccupied with the thoughts of who my secret admirer may be.

The next day, both my parents had left on business meetings leaving me alone in the castle, spare the staff that never left the grounds.  I made my way to the stables, excited to be able to ignore my responsibilities for the day and just ride.  I walked into the building, the white horse closest to my left letting out a whine.  “Alright Queenie, I hear you,” I chuckled as I made my way over to her.  

“She only ever lets you get close to her,” a voice said causing me to jump.  I turned to see the same stable boy that had returned my tiara.  “She won’t even let me near her for too long.  A pain to groom that’s for sure.”  I was slightly taken aback by how nonchalantly the boy was talking to me, as if I wasn’t the princess.  I would be lying if I didn’t say it was a nice change.  “My name’s Edmund.” 

“(Y/n),” I said before immediately regretting it.  Of course he knew my name.  At this, he let out a chuckle.

“I would hope so.”  He helped me prepare Queenie for a ride as we continued to converse.  “I don’t wish to come off as pushy but would you mind if I joined you for a ride?”

“I don’t recall stable boys taking horses out for rides.”

“It’s not really something I should be doing,” Edmund said, shrugging, “But I do enjoy your company and would like to extend this meeting.  That is, if you enjoy my company as well.”  I let out a laugh.

“Fair enough.”  He gave a grin, rushing to the horse in the stable next to Queenie’s.  We both made our way out of the stables, away from the castle and towards the lush forest that sat behind it.  “Thank you for returning my tiara,” I said, the sound of bird chirping and the swaying of leaves the only other thing able to be heard.

“It was nothing.  Just doing my duties as a stable boy.”

“I’m starting to question if you understand what a stable boy does,” I chuckled.  “Returning royal property is not one of them.”

“Ah you caught me.  I was only using the tiara as an excuse to see the beautiful Princess again.”  

“Oh, now you’re just being sarcastic.”

“Not at all,” Edmund chuckled.  “You’re one of, if not the most, beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on.”

“You must not have met many women then,” I chuckled.  Edmund’s smile disappeared at my words.

“I’m serious (y/n).  You are.”  My heart stopped for a moment. 

“Why do you treat me the way you do?”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t treat me like a princess.  You treat me like anyone else.”

“I guess cause you’re so easy to talk to,” he replied with, shrugging his shoulders.  “If it bothers you, I can still call you Princess (y/n).”  I scrunch my face.

“Please don’t.”  He let out a chuckle.  “I know we’ve only really met and I really shouldn’t trust you but may I confide in you?”  We had now stopped moving as we had reached the edge of a cliff that looked out to the beach below, the sound of the ocean waves crashing onto the shore faint.

“Of course, anything.”

“Yesterday, I received a letter,” I said, fighting to hold back my smile.  Edmund seemed to straighten his back at this. 

“What was in said letter?”  

“It was a love letter!” I exclaimed, my smile now on full display.

“Do you have any idea who it may be from?”

“I’m not sure.  But they signed it off with an E.  This has only made it harder.  I can’t think of any royals with a name that starts with an E.  Even when I rack my brain of nobles, I struggle to think of someone.”  Edmund’s lips had formed a straight line as he turned around, heading back the way we came.  I urged Queenie to follow.

“What if it wasn’t from a royal or noble?” Edmund questioned.

“Edmund, what are you talking about?”  I stopped myself before I could say another word.  It was like a curtain was drawn from in front of my eyes and I could see clearly again.  “It was you, wasn’t it?”  He only nodded.  I chewed on the inside of my cheek, thinking of something to say.  Edmund was only a stable boy.  I had been raised to marry someone of higher status.  But that didn’t negate the fact that Edmund was one of the few people I’ve been able to talk to so easily.  Or the fact that he was incredibly attractive.  No.  “We could never…” I started, my thought trailing off before it had even really started.

“Why not?  Because of my social status?”  His words hovered in the air as we stayed in silence for a moment.  “Even if we could never have something serious…” Edmund started, turning to look at me.  “We could always have some fun.”  My heart raced at what he was insinuating.

“Edmund, that is completely inappropriate.”

“Or hot,” he counteracted, a smirk on his face as we neared the stables.  I watched as Edmund slid off his horse before coming towards me.  He placed his hands on my waist and I felt my face already start to warm at the contact.  Edmund helped me down.  As my feet touched the ground, I noticed just how close we were.  We were so close I was afraid he might be able to hear my heart beating rapidly.

“If we were to have a secret relationship,” I said, causing Edmund to hold his breath in anticipation.  “Nobody could know.” 

“Yeah, that’s usually how secret relationships work.”  I rolled my eyes at this, causing Edmund to chuckle.  His hands started to trace my curves causing me to inhale sharply.  “So, are you in, princess?”  I let out a small whimper at the nickname causing Edmund to raise an eyebrow.  “I didn’t know I was already getting you so hot and bothered.”

“Oh cut that crap Edmund.  You know exactly what you’re doing.”  Edmund’s smirk seemed to only prove my point.  He grabbed my hand, looking both ways and making sure nobody was around before leading me to the back of the stables.  

“We’ll have to be quick,” he whispered, his hot breath tickling my skin as he bent forward to untie the strings of my dress.  I wasted no time taking off his shirt, my hands wandering his body and tracing his abs.  Edmund’s fingers tickled my back as he undid the strings, allowing the fabric to fall off of my body with a final tug.  He was quick to remove my undergarments, leaving me completely exposed to him.  His hands wandered my body, his eyes covering everything his hands couldn’t get to.  I worked quickly to take off his pants, revealing his extremely erect cock.  I let out a small moan at the sight.  He pushed me backwards causing me to lay on the stable floor.  While it would usually be an uncomfortable arrangement, I was too worried with getting Edmund to fuck me to care.  He hovered over me, his lips meeting mine for the first time.

I let my hands go to his brown locks as our mouths moved in sync.  The kiss was hungry as we both explored each other's mouths.  Edmund pulled away far too quickly causing me to whine in protest.  “I’m sorry princess but we have to make this quick so that nobody finds us.”  

I nodded in agreement before spreading my legs open for Edmund.  He let out a low moan at the sight, stroking himself a few times as his eyes took me in.  I watched as he lined himself with me, concentration etched onto his face.  I threw my head back in pleasure as Edmund pushed into me.  I felt myself work to accommodate him.  He put down his hands on either side of my face as he started a steady pace.  

“Fuck Edmund,” I gasped, my hand gripping onto his forearm.  His arm muscles strained to support his weight as he started to pick up the pace.  I wrapped my legs around him, offering him easier access.  The new position caused a new surge of pleasure.  I arched my back, letting out a moan.  Edmund lowered himself onto his forearms, his mouth right next to my ear, his warm breath tickling me as he panted.  I wrapped my arms around him, my nails digging into his skin as the pleasure started to become too much.  “I’m so close.”

“That’s it princess,” Edmund said while picking up his pace.  My nails raked down his back as I felt my entire body shake from pleasure.  My eyes were forced shut, a blinding white light behind my eyelids.  Edmund’s name fell from my mouth as I slowly came down from my high.  I felt Edmund pull out of me.  I opened my eyes to see him stroking himself, his face contorted with pleasure.  

I propped myself upright as I moved his hand, replacing it with my mouth.  “Fuck,” he gasped as I started to move my head.  I pushed myself to take as much of him as I could, feeling his tip hit the back of my throat.  His fingers were entangled with my (h/c) locks as his hand pushed me to take more of him.  Edmund let out a moan as I felt his hips buck before the feeling of something warm shooting down my throat.  I pulled away, swallowing the slightly bitter liquid.  “Holy shit,” Edmund said, his eyes lidded as he looked at me.

“Yeah,” I agreed.  We sat there in silence for a moment, recuperating from the intense orgasms we both had just experienced.  Edmund’s hand brushed a lock of hair from my face as he smiled at me.  His hand then traveled down to my cheek, caressing my face as I leaned into the touch.  The sound of someone’s voice caused us to start scrambling for our clothes.  

“Edmund, is Princess (y/n) here?” a male voice questioned.  Edmund had already put on his shirt as he peaked over the bale of hay that hid his naked bottom and my naked self from whoever was speaking.

“No,” he replied, shaking his head.

“Alright.  The King and Queen have arrived so if you see her, please let her know.”

“Will do.”  We both held our breath as the man’s footsteps slowly got quieter.  

“Guess I should go,” I said, already starting to get dressed.

“Yeah,” Edmund said, a frown on his face.

“Don’t worry, we’ll be meeting again very soon,” I said, causing him to smile again.  “Just next time can we find a place other than the stables?”

“I’ll work on that,” Edmund chuckled, pulling me in for one last kiss.  “Now go, your parents are waiting for you princess.”  I nodded before getting up.  I took one last glance at Edmund who was still laying on the floor, his shirt untucked from his pants and his brown hair a mess, before heading off back to the castle.

[woogyu]

42. “I turned out liking you a lot more than i originally planned.”

44. “Why should we date?” //  “Because we’re attracted to each other.”  //  “I’m attracted to pie, but i do not feel the need to date pie.”

35. “Tell me again.”

-

Drabble Prompts; fluff | angst | funny // Requests; OPEN

​notes; alskdaslkdalskdjaklsjf this is one of my favourite pieces that I’ve ever written. Thank you for requesting and I really hope you like it. I am absolutely in love with how it came out.

wc; ~1609

-

Everyone told you that getting involved with an idol was a bad idea, that you would get your heart broken or worse. The logical side of you knew they were probably right. What chance did an unknown girl that worked at a café have with someone who could quite literally have anyone he wanted. You knew deep down you shouldn’t get involved, but when he was around, the logical part of your brain kind of shut down.

It was a few months ago now that he started showing up at the café, always in the middle of the night and always ordering the same thing; hot chocolate and whatever biscuit was available that day. For a long time, you didn’t even realize he was famous, you just assumed he was a weird college kid that didn’t sleep.

It was his odd behavioural traits that tipped you off and had you googling it. He always sat in the back, even though no one was ever there at that hour anyway. He hid his face if someone ever did happen to walk in. You learned later that his name was Hansol, or Vernon member of Seventeen.

You asked him about it one night, nearly giving the poor boy a heart attack as he tried to gauge what you were going to do with the answer. He eventually gave in and that’s how you started chatting with him. You learned about his past, his fears, what he loved about being an idol and what he hated. You learned that he came to the café when he couldn’t sleep and wanted time to himself, time to pretend at being normal.

You felt for him, wishing you could correct some of the points of stress in his life or ease his burdens. It started off innocent enough, but soon the little chats started to grow into flirtatious conversations. The fine line between café guest, idol and anything outside of those two categories growing steadily blurrier between the two of you.

You never intended to get involved with an idol, but that is just what life had planned for you.

»»————-　♡　————-««

“We have your favourite tonight” you mused when the familiar hooded boy crept into the empty café. “Chocolate chip?” he perked up, taking his usual seat in the corner where people picked up their coffee. You hummed in response, nodding as you made the all too familiar order with ease.

“You know… I didn’t think I would like you at first” he said, watching as you set two cups of tea along with the biscuits down at his table. You slid into the seat across from him, raising an eyebrow at his sudden declaration.

“I was worried you would…” he trailed off, trying to think of the best way to phrase it. “Try and steal your DNA from an empty coffee cup?” you supplied, breaking off a piece of cookie and popping it into your mouth. “I already looked it up, not a huge market for illegally acquired human DNA” you shrugged, watching as his eyes widened, trying to figure out if you were being serious.

“I’m joking Hansol” you finally put him out of his misery, laughing a little as his shoulders dropped and he let out a relieved sigh. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to your weird sarcastic sense of humour” he grumbled a bit, taking a sip of tea now that he knew his DNA was safe.

“C’mon, just admit it, I’m hilarious” you grinned, finishing off the cookie you had started. He rolled his eyes and started picking at his own sweet treat.

“I turned out liking you a lot more than I originally planned.” He said in between bites, looking up to gauge your reaction before he continued. “Yes, dry sarcastic humour and all” he deadpanned, watching as you chuckled softly.

“You know, you’re not half bad yourself” you answered, if you were being honest you never thought you would like him as much as you do either. You thought he would be another stuck-up rich kid that would belittle you for being a café worker.

After the two of you were finished with the cookies, you gathered the plate and brought it behind the counter. You started to clean up a little bit from the day shift, cleaning the dishes in the counter. Hansol watched as you did this, badly trying to hide it by having his phone out; you could clearly see the screen was off.

»»————-　♡　————-««

“Go on a date with me” Hansol told you one night, the two of you sitting in the dark recesses of the coffee shop. You laughed at his proposition, standing up and gathering the dishes. “You don’t mean that Hansol” you told him, brushing off his request. He left it alone for the night, but continued to bring it up every subsequent night, hoping for a different response from you, hoping his persistence showed you that he was being serious.

»»————-　♡　————-««

The eighth time he asked you felt the urge to snap at him, it was cute at first but this little game he was playing was starting to get annoying. You decided to indulge him, if for no other reason to put an end to whatever he thought would happen between the two of you.

“Why should we date?” you questioned, pausing your motions as you looked over at him, eyebrow raised and hoping he had a valid answer. He paused for a moment, taking a second to think about it before answering.

“Because we’re attracted to each other.” He said, like that would just solve all the obvious barriers that were present between the two of you. You smiled at his simplicity; it was obvious he didn’t realize what dating you would mean. What it could do to his career and your life. Flirting alone in a dark café was one thing, but dating was a whole other circus you didn’t know if you could handle. 

“I’m attracted to pie, but I do not feel the need to date pie.” You told him, holding up a piece of pie from the display case for extra emphasis. If he wanted this to happen, he had to understand what it meant, and right now it was obvious he had not given it enough thought. You never straight up told Hansol no, and he recognized that. He knew he had a fighting chance so long as you didn’t say no.

»»————-　♡　————-««

He didn’t show up for a few days, it worried you. You thought that maybe last time you had been too harsh with him, that you had stepped over some invisible line. Your shifts were long and cold, you felt the emptiness that was left behind when he wasn’t there.

You were incredibly relieved when you saw him walk through the door, not even trying to hide it from reaching your facial features. With a little too much enthusiasm you put together his usual order, hissing when you splashed boiling water over your hand. Shaking it off you quickly brought the tray over to him, not even sparring a second glance at your red burn.

He frowned when his eyes settled on it, silently getting up and filling a small cloth with ice from behind the counter. He pressed it to the area giving you an apologetic glance when you whimpered at the coolness of it.

“I talked with my company” he told you, leaving you entirely confused about what he was telling you. You raised an eyebrow at him, taking the ice filled cloth from his hands as he sat back down.

“You’re worried about something bad happening if we started dating right?” he asked, smirking when shock passed over your features. So that’s what he had been up to. “We have a plan… if you’re willing to listen to it” he said slowly, leaning his elbows against the small table separating the two of you.

“This is the last time I’ll ask. Go on a date with me y/n” he said, his eyes pleading for you to give in and trust him on this.

“Why should we date?” you said in a whisper, your resolve slowly shrinking as it became obvious that he was 100% serious about doing this. He smiled a little, clearly expecting the question that he had gotten wrong last time.

“Because I think I’m in love with you” he said softly, his eyes twinkling in the dimly lit room. Your eyes narrowed, looking for any sign of hesitation or farce on his part… but you found none. He meant every word of what he was telling you. Your heart raced as you finally allowed yourself to consider the possibility of letting your heart rule rather than your head.

“Tell me again.” You whispered, a smile breaking out over his features when he realized that you wanted this just as much as he did.

“I’m in love with you y/n” he hummed, his fingers reaching out to brush some hair back behind your ear. “You’re the only person who has ever wanted me and not the persona that I created” he explained, your heart swelling with every word.

Everyone warned you about getting involved with an idol, but no one warned you about falling in love with one.

[life-rewritten]

Lovely Writer Ep 1; An Introduction to Ambition, Masks and Secret Goals

We did it, guys! After trying hard to get back into this writing groove thing, I think I have found it, the show that will make me want to write. And we all say What??  Oh, my word was the first episode of Lovely writer so great. From the first moment the show starts, you can tell there's meta, it's calling out the BL industry; sarcastically, with comedy, shallowness, and yet there's this air of secrecy and depth to it. It's funny because the industry's problems made fun of are essentially going to be our big villain of the show, the thing that's going to try and rip our couple apart. So to see the first episode already lay a foundation for us to start realising the disconnect with what's being done on the surface vs what's being truly displayed secretly shows us already this show is playing with the ideas of masks and the lengths it would take to actually survive in this world/industry portrayed in the show. The thing as well is we are watching this show through the lens of Gene; he's also someone who's become very disconnected with how he feels about the problematic elements of this industry vs how people want him to think about it; they want him to thrive off it, to use it for his ambition, to use it to make himself known. So already, we are also introduced to the theme of ambition and the theme of secrets. The characters are acting in a way to get something done for them, and yet they're hiding their truths to please something; the industry, a person of power, or just something they want. And that's fascinating already to start with. That's already going to be fun to unpack and write about.

I just really love how deep this show is already becoming;  hidden with comedy and romance, we see depth, we see realism and calling out issues that we face in the real world concerning the BL genre, and still, we see yet, a love story brewing as well, it's a perfect combination. Or is it? And not to be so fully surprised, I did say that Tee is a great director, he made TharnType mean something to me, and that's because he hides his themes and his actual message behind layers and layers of subtext, he focuses on flaws of characters, but he makes them feel real, yet he also tackles real conversations about things that happen in real life and hides it behind a passionate romance and comedy. That's why this is so great for me. In already episode 1, Tee has shown up and done everything I knew he could do with Lovely Writer, and I am so freaking excited. The words are pouring out of me. Once the show started, I wanted to write, analyse and talk about this show.  I wanted to bring to the surface the meta, the subtext, the foreshadowings and the character depth. I am truly ready for this show, and I hope you all are too. So episode 1, how were we introduced to the themes of the show so far; well, let's find out.

An Introduction to Ambition, Masks and Secrets

So the show starts off as a typical romantic comedy Bl; at first, you are like, it's funny they keep mentioning these little truths about the genre and the industry. It makes sense; we're seeing the story through the eye of a frustrated writer in the industry who has to do a lot to be part of it, so it is funny but also surreal to see the issues being brought up about the industry. Because of this, you know this show is meta. It's taking its self not seriously, but it's actually serious below the surface. So immediately, my sensors start to ping, could there be more depth to this story, are there hints showing us what to look out for, is there more to what Tee wants to say with this show. And actually, the first thing is the introduction to Aey. They mention him at first during the casting call discussion; the way they introduce him is interesting to me because I know he's an obstacle to our story. He's a love rival, and he's sneaky.

Aey is an interesting villain if you wanna call him that. He's obviously going to be a barrier, and you know, his smile on his face seems like a mask, not particularly for evil, just something he has to use to get his way. Just like Nubsib, he's faking an image, and we see his real face in the bathroom, this episode. Especially when he looks through some comments and tweets, which I don't know what it's about because there were no subs, but I'm guessing either mentioned his sexuality or how cute how he and Nubsib will be together or something else that pokes at his insecurity. Right now, he's ambitious,  his thoughts are on succeeding, and so he acts docile, nice and friendly to get what he wants; however, we can see that the reason why he's right now trying to get Nubsib's attention isn't because of love; it's because of the job, of wanting to keep appearances, of knowing this would make him more successful, this will make them famous and please their growing shipping fandom.

That's the exciting thing; the question is, does he really like Nubsib or is he just faking it. Is there more to his connection with Nubsib? Also, just the fact that he's not a one-note character but he already seems to have layers is so exciting for me; this show is already doing what I hope it would do for me, it's being meta, secretive, smart, structured and still having comedy and romance on the surface. These characters all seem to have layers, truths hidden and interesting reasons for why they do what they do. That's fascinating to me. So because of that one scene where we see Aey almost break his mask and then go back to putting it on to please people and write on his social media, I'm already seeing the theme of ambition in this series. I see it in Gene, Nubsib (for Gene mostly), Aey, even Hin, who's a bit interesting with his own want to write and need to be noticed. Interesting.

The lengths our characters have to go through to achieve their ambitions might make them take on masks that they aren't particularly comfortable with, and also isn't an accurate display of their own values and truths but never the less they have to do this to achieve their ambition.

Gene: The Mask Of A Writer

We can see Gene isn't really a fan of BL writing and the tropes associated with it. In fact, he deplores it, he finds it hard to write about, and he doesn't think there's any substance to them. His focus is that what they portray is shallow, unimportant and toxic, just like how he sees the industry promoting them. It's why he's fine being an introvert; he feels safer in the confines of his home doing what he loves to do; writing, but he's decided, letting people in is not worth it. Mostly people from his industry who seem callous at times, greedy at best, and just corruptive. He disagrees with that and tends to want to distance himself from that. But what can he do? He wants to write, he wants to survive by doing what he loves to do, he wants to thrive in his job; however, he has to make sacrifices to get to that goal where he can comfortably write what he wants.

He's not really comfortable there, he wants to write something else (something with more depth, something with more understanding, something that makes him feel like him), but he can't, so he takes on a mask to keep on doing whatever he can for his ambition.  Writing is all Gene seems to have, from constantly being tired, irritated, and too focused on it to even take care of the state of his house, of himself, and of his relationships. Nothing is more important than writing. That's his ambition, what makes him happy, what makes him safe, what makes him comfortable. And that's very relatable; as an introverted writer my self, Gene finds an escape from the real world when he puts his mind at work, and he creates however slowly, the love and excitement he has for writing are being shadowed by the lack of belonging he feels for the genre he has to write about. The moral conflicts, the uncomfortable topics and just overall the shallow results of his stories. They don't mean anything to him, just a way for ends meet. And that must be incredibly frustrating and tiring. Yet Gene has to do it to get his ambitions done.

That's why it's funny/important that Nubsib is invading his space. Nubsib's presence is showing up and unravelling Gene's masks, his truths, his reality. Nubsib is pushing Gene out of his act and making him question his ambition and truth. But also, in a way, Nubsib is providing depth for Gene for this genre as he starts to be truly inspired by his unknown attraction and connection to Nubsib.

 The more the love becomes authentic, the more Gene starts to understand maybe why BLs might be written and why it might be loved by many fans because of that meaning of love that is portrayed when done correctly. So perhaps, Nubsib is making Gene realise more about the other side of things; maybe he offers a different perspective, especially since he's going to be one of those tropey BL characters.

Nubsib: The Mask Of A Lover

Nubsib is very much ambitious, he takes levels to make sure he gets to Gene, but also he hides his true self and wears a mask of two faces. Even his manager knows his real personality and says it; he's faking an image. He hides who he really is to Gene to come of nicer and sweeter, but also he does all of this to get his goal of making Gene trust him. Making Gene first think he's a good boy.  Now, of course, immediately, I notice his two-faced behaviour. I see red flags; this isn't a healthy way to pursue a lover; it's full of lies, secrets and not truly knowing the real person's character. So are we going to unveil more about his intentions, why he's so invested in Gene and what he gains from doing all this, this way? Why is he so ready to ensure this time, Gene doesn't escape or that he doesn't lose his chance to finally be with Gene.

Acting doesn't seem to be his agenda; Gene is, you know, which is why you can feel already from the bat that he knows Gene before. He's pretending they haven't met before/, or he's seen something in him that's made him want to be near him; that's fascinating and interesting, that's the lengths he's taking; to wear a mask to get what he wants. It's interesting because, in a way, his lying, manipulation and secrecy is the opposite of what his presence is going to be for Gene in the show. Remember, he's meant to add authenticity to Gene's life, and love, and vulnerability, and so it's worrying because it's almost like Gene is falling in someone who he doesn't even honestly know. But this is just episode 1; as much as yes Nubsib is manipulative and secretive, I think there are things we'll get to see about him that's still authentic, at least for now; one of the things that stay true is his feelings for Gene, that's what's driving him, and Gene who has been so devoid of that connection maybe that's why Nubsib has to find a way to break down his walls in that way. We can see it's not easy for people to see Gene's vulnerable side. Nubsib makes him vulnerable, and maybe Nubsib knows this about Gene if they have met before; maybe he knows this is the only he can maybe try to make Gene notice him since Gene is so quick to run back home and throw himself into his world of writing. But is it okay? No, it's still manipulative and deceitful, but I think it's going to have consequences. And I can't wait to see how that unfolds. You also see some parts of when his masks fall, and that's concerning Aey, which is funny because  I think they're the same type of people. This is why I'm intrigued by this show; they both will do whatever it is to get what they want.

Aey: The Mask Of An Actor

And then we have Aey; he's even more fascinating; he's pretending to like Nubsib for his own agenda. Even Nubsib can feel it. They've known each other for a while. They can read through each other's masks. That's why they have an interesting plot arc coming. The show does start by making note that he rarely would get a role this big because of his queer identity. Apparently, that's an issue/ problem with the industry (both in fiction and in reality, sadly). They think LGBTQ actors don't attract money if they're too 'queer',  so Aey is determined to get success, notice and fame. He's already found ways to get to this point by overhearing Nubsib when he finds out about the audition. Nubsib is already known and supported by people. Aey may be different. Maybe he's had to struggle to be noticed.

In a way, he's doing all he can to ensure this works for him, but in order to do so,  he also wears a mask and hides who he really is to everyone. In fact, the reason why he's chosen for the role is because even though he is queer, he doesn't seem like it. This is what was said in the show. The only person who seems to see him truly is Mhok, and that's an exciting development being hinted at. There's someone again who is connected to unravelling his mask and knowing his genuine authenticity. I think this is a big theme surrounding romance in this show.  So Aey is going to be an interesting obstacle, just like Sib, everything that comes out from his mouth are lies to get what he wants, maybe even his smiles and fake niceties aren't truly his character; he seems devious (not in a negative way), he seems cunning, like he knows how to be one step ahead. This is probably what he's made himself become to be chosen, noticed and taken seriously. To get what he wants. This makes him a fascinating antagonist; I don't think he's a villain, just someone who has a fascinating character arc in the show. I can't wait to explore it.

Hin: The Mask Of A Follower

And then there's Hin. As much as he's chirpy and nice and friendly to Gene, he seems quite, I won't say jealous, but he does show he wants the chance and opportunities Gene has with writing. He asks the manager by text as the audition happens,  to read his book and let him know if it's possible for publishing. It seems he tends to be overlooked; he's curious, wide-eyed, always looking positive, but what if this is also just a mask? What if we're gonna see more to this arc too. It'd be interesting to see if he'll feel annoyed at Gene complaining about having the opportunity he has to write BLs, when others may not be chosen the same way. But that's just a theory about Hin. If all the other characters are just as ambitious in getting what they want, what's to say, Hin wouldn't be later. What role would he play during the show's ending, perhaps just a supportive friend, a guide to help Gene deal with whatever comes, but it is interesting to know he also wants to write. My first thoughts always point to negative with that because it suggests rivalry. And I think rivalry is also an interesting theme, an occurrence that happens in the industry. So maybe there's more to him, or perhaps not.

So yeh ambition and masks and the lengths the characters would go to fulfil what's important to them in this show have been built up already. Most of our characters all share similarities of having to become or do something that doesn't pertain to the truth of who they really are. They see no choice in the matter; they have to do this to survive or to be happy. This industry is a competition, it's harsh, and you need adaptability, tough skin and methods to survive and get what you want. Especially since Lovely Writer is about the Acting industry as well. These characters all have to be actors somehow, Gene has to pretend he cares about BL, so he sells and makes it big, Nubsib has to pretend he doesn't know Gene, so he can win Gene's heart, Aey has to pretend he cares about Nubsib, so he becomes famous and supported by his fandom, and maybe even Hin has to pretend he's okay with following after Gene, so he can find opportunities to learn more about the industry and also find ways to publish his book. An interesting theme that occurs in real life. Obviously, as Gene and Sib fall for each other, those ambitions come out to the surface, become obstacles in the making, and they have to choose to sacrifice some of it for their love and happiness. One way or another, there's a consequence to not being who you are; somehow, the truth always comes out.  Okay, let's do this show. Let's get to know these characters. I certainly can't wait.

[my-writings-and-musings]

I have another lovely commission to share! This one is a sequel to the last, with the Brave Police spending more time on the Lost Light to answer questions, and it's just as precious in my opinion!

"Now, now, there's room for everyone. Single file please!"

Ultra Magnus thankfully had ample experience and skill getting his voice to fill the entire classroom, and so the crowd was able to take their seats in a mostly organized fashion at last, filling up the entire room from back to front in short order. Scarcely a single bot on the ship wasn't present for the day's presentation, and one glance at the tightly packed rows of tables made that obvious. No one wanted to miss the long awaited event.

At the head of the classroom, Ultra Magnus murmured about the ill manners being displayed to their guests before nodding at the bots in question. Sitting in their own row at the raised stage, the Brave Police looked like a full representation of all the reactions possible for the center of attention. Some were happy, others flustered, and a few quite casual about all the fuss. Deckerd, ever the responsible leader, held his small collection of notes tightly as he nodded in return to the much bigger bot. Rodimus took that as his cue to hop on stage.

With a single whistle, the captain reduced the fog of chatter to absolute silence, something he took with a proud smile before speaking. 

"Alright, everybot, you know the drill! The Brave Police have been kind enough to agree to this little Q and A panel, so let's show them the proper courtesy while they're up here." he announced happily, looking about the crowd and lingering his optics on a few potentially troublesome bots in particular. Making sure to use his Captain voice, he leveled a serious look at each as he issued his warning. "That means no talking unless you get called, and no hogging the mic when it's your turn."

"Discipline will be administered if anyone breaks these rules." Ultra Magnus said, finalizing the warning with an undeniably serious threat. Beyond a few nervous glances, the room remained frozen in total silence after the big bot went back to his dutiful watch. No one present would dare risk incurring the wrath of Ultra Magnus, not even for the questions that they wanted answered more than anything. 

"Sooo…" Rodimus interjected, taking back the stage briefly to try and bring some life back into the event. Gesturing to the main guests, he gave the best parting warm up he could before stepping off the stage. "Without further ado, I'm going to give the show over to them. All yours, Deckerd!"

Clearing his throat politely, the police cruiser stood up on his spot, briefly taking hold of the rim on his hat-like helm accent as he often did when nervous. Taking hold of his notes, he spoke up with the somewhat ineffectual tone of a practiced but uncom public speaker.

"To start, we would all like to offer our thanks! For everything you've done, and for allowing us this opportunity, you have our deepest gratitude." the well mannered bot said humbly, briefly glancing at Rodimus for a flash of pointed thanks before returning to his notes. The captain couldn't help but puff up a little, quite proud of his suggestion all over again, but he was otherwise still and silent as he watched. 

"Now, I understand you have many questions, and we are happy to answer them as a group or individuals." he explained, looking to his teammates for group confirmation. Each gave some form of assent, ranging from Duke's proper and stiff nod to Gunmax putting his pedes on the table with a vague gesture of agreement. Deckerd merely narrowed his optics for an instant before returning his smile to the crowd. "Through the system, I will begin the process of selection!"

A button on the desk, intended as a method of selecting students to answer questions, was activated. Every bot froze in anticipation that they might be selected first, with each hoping they might be the lucky winner. Magnus had mandated the algorithm select at random to prevent any cries of unfair choice for good reason…

So of course it was quite fitting that Whirl of all bots get the first question.

A group groan was cut off by another Magnus stare, yet the orderly mech was clearly beyond apprehensive at the possible chaos about to unfold. Uncaring of the tension his selection created for the crew, Whirl merely cleared his vents and stood up with obvious purpose, having planned his potential query well in advance of the moment. Looking to the bots on stage, his optic betrayed little emotion as he spoke. "So uh, were you guys actually built by humans? From scratch? Processor and all?"

There was an immediate cringe amongst the entire crew, as the question was immeasurably rude by Cybertronian standards, but the Brave Police didn't flinch. 

"Yes!" Deckerd replied happily, completely unaffected by the cultural faux pas he'd just had directed his way. "Each of us was constructed by the Japanese police force, starting with myself."

"Except for Duke, he was made by the Scotland Yard." McCrane specified, drawing attention to the brightly colored and reserved mech at the end. The attention actually seemed to fluster Duke, who flashed an expression of surprise to be singled out before dropping his gaze and quietly confirming the fact.

"That is correct."

There was a moment of mixed murmuring amongst the crowd, with Whirl looking satisfied to have gotten his answer along with getting the ball rolling, and he sat down to allow the next bot a turn. It took just as little time for the next selection to occur as the first. 

"How recently was that, exactly?" Swerve said, looking confused but happy to be the central figure of the moment. It was a much less disrespectful question by Cybertronian standards than the first, and the bots on stage appeared equally content to answer it.

"As of this date, it has been four years and five months since my activation." Deckerd replied casually, unintentionally sending a wave of disbelief through the entire room. This mature, well rounded bot was barely more than a protoform?! 

"We were constructed seven months later." McCrane said, speaking for the Build Team with a gesture that only deepened the shock in the room. Deckerd was young even by human standards, yet he was still the oldest one on the team? How young was the newest among them?

"Shadow Maru was next, by about a year, then six months later I joined up!" Drill Boy declared loudly, loving the surprise each answer drew from the crowd. Gunmax, equally a fan of stirring things up, smirked confidently as he leaned back in his chair. 

"I haven't even been kicking around for a year." he declared smugly, adding to the shock of the bots several times over. Sure, Cybertronians were ready to go in mere hours, but no one had been born in so long… to be confronted by a mechanical being so young was nearly unfathomable. Not to mention that the oldest among them was still so inexperienced! A fresh wave of hushed gossip washed over those assembled, only to fade out into silent anticipation as the next opportunity for a question presented itself.

"What kind of criminals are you fighting? Most of the time, anyway." a bot in back asked, making the Brave Police perk up as a group. Like anyone, the opportunity to retell their adventures was hardly one they'd ever pass up, and even the humble Deckerd was a little boastful as he set up their panel to reply.

"Our division is uniquely suited to handle threats too powerful for humans to safely combat. The criminals we face have a multitude of motives, and it is not uncommon for us to face creatures designed to cause maximum destruction. I will allow my team to recount some of these events in greater detail." he said, opening up the discussion with a smile and a nod. There was a shift in the classroom as if every being leaned forward at once in anticipation.

"The underground bug people were my first mission!" Drill Boy announced proudly, unintentionally creating far more questions than he could have ever hoped to answer in a single sentence. Gobsmacked expressions were shared all through the crew, even by Ultra Magnus and Rodimus at the front. While they'd figured their new friends got into some wild adventures, like themselves, there was clearly so much more to the group than they'd let on… 

"There was a giant moth one time." Dumpson recalled thoughtfully, only adding fuel to the fire with his calm expression of thoughtful recollection.

"Don't forget the giant panda." McCrane said helpfully, the tiniest hint of a smile hinting that he was perfectly well aware of the reactions they were getting. Rodimus had to admire the skillful stirring of the pot. Some bots were taking notes now, especially as the list continued to grow and the Brave Police grew no less unpredictable in their retellings. Brief tidbits about mind control, ghosts, aliens and cults were undoubtedly going to spawn some incredible conversations at Swerve's later on.

Drill Boy finished the segment with a beaming smile. "Without the Boss, I don't think we'd have been able to catch that brainwashing nun!"

While every single adventure would have probably called for a panel of questions in its own right, that statement alone made for an excellent segway into something every single Lost Light bot had been curious about, and the moment the next bot was selected they said what everyone was thinking. "Who's this "Boss" we keep hearing about? Are they a bot like you?"

"Our Boss Yuuta Tomonaga is a human boy, and the first being I ever met. He became my first and most trusted companion." Deckerd replied, smiling affectionately at the description. It had been clear from the onset he cared deeply for his mysterious "Boss", yet most had assumed them to be something like an Amica, or perhaps an older mentor bot. To hear they were a human, and one that sounded exceptionally young at that…? Deckerd recognized the confusion, and while obviously a little bashful to be so open, he was more than happy to talk about the achievements of his dearest friend. "I owe him my life, several times over."

"Many of us have gained human friendships." Power Joe said helpfully, taking some of the pressure off their leader and bringing the attention to himself. Not missing the opportunity to brag, he gestured proudly to himself. "I've befriended many of Yuuta's classmates, they see me as a superhero!"

"Yuuta's sisters are compatriots of mine." Shadow Maru said in a polite and subtle one up, setting the stage for the others to continue naming their friends. 

"Hmph, I'm the only one besides Deckerd to have called Yuuta by his first name." Drill Boy bragged.

"Colonel Seia has taught me much through our professional relationship." McCrane said calmly, returning the focus to one of individual bonds over boasting. Unfortunately, Dumpson chuckled and quickly took aim at the comment.

"Are you sure it's entirely professional?"

McCrane froze for a second, optics widening and face flushing, before he calmly folded his hands on the table and replied. "I could say the same of you and Ayako."

"I suppose Shunsuke and I get along okay." Gunmax said somewhat dismissively, cutting off Dumpson before he could stammer out something he'd regret. The fact that every bot seemed to have a complex and long standing relationship with humans was quite the surprise to many crewmembers, especially those who only knew the species from second hand accounts. The Brave Police weren't too different from Cybertronians, so if they could find friends amongst Earth's inhabitants, maybe it was possible for everyone? More than a few of those in the audience were considering visiting to see for themselves when the attention turned to the only member who hadn't given an answer. 

Lowering his helm to hide his optics from view, Duke appeared to be blushing as he spoke into his microphone, his volume barely more than a murmur as he did so.

"My Lady, Regina, is very important to me…"

While the statement undoubtedly had plenty to unpack, Deckerd mercifully chose to move on, selecting the next lucky audience member. Tailgate stood up in a flash, getting up on his chair and raising his arm so everyone could see him. Smiling with excitement, he was nevertheless quite polite in his tone when he asked his question. "You can transform, right? What are your altmodes?"

"I transform into a police cruiser." Deckerd said simply, earning some nods of approval from the audience. That was a fairly solid alternate mode, from their perspective, and fit quite well with his appearance and abilities. As the team each volunteered their own altmode, there was little fanfare.

"I'm a dump truck."

"My alternate mode is called a power shovel."

McCrane was the first to smile, though his good humor was shared when he gave his answer. "A crane, fittingly enough."

"I have two; a drill and a jet!" Drill Boy declared with a puffed out chest, and the mood went from calm to shocked all over again. Though he had no concept of a triple changer, the young bot knew that having a plurality of modes was special, and the audible gasps confirmed his guess. Rodimus cast Drift a look of surprise from the stage, speaking without words as they so often did. Not only did this guy have two altmodes, but a drill and a jet? Could you get any more wild? Drift replied with an equally stunned but good natured shrug.

"Like Deckerd, I transform into a police cruiser." Shadow Maru said simply, giving his younger friend a look that drew out a very unhappy pout. Sitting up with a smile, he continued and made very clear why his companion was so upset, and in doing so only made the room erupt once more. "I can also take the form of a tank, a jet, and a canine."

Gasps filled the classroom, and even Ultra Magnus was too shocked to silence them, his jaw dropping in total disbelief at what he'd just heard. Five modes?! Not only that, he was a beastformer to boot?! The ninjabot smiled somewhat smugly at the reactions, getting a few looks from his friends that ranged from jealous to bemused as whispered conversations rushed through the bots. Most had never even heard of such an ability, and yet here he was, a bot from earth with so much talent! Several made a note to ask him for tips as Duke took advantage of the chaos to get his simple reply out of the way.

"I am an ambulance."

The medics of the ship all shared a look at what only they seemed to hear, wondering if perhaps the shy bot knew a few things about human medicine he might share with them later. In the murmurs that followed, however, there came a considerable silence as everyone realized the most anticipated answer had not yet been given.

Gunmax leaned back further in his seat, making a face few could decipher when all the attention zeroed in on him. Pretending to cough, he spoke just loudly enough for his mic to pick up his answer. "Don't have one." 

Somebot made a comment about "Monoformers'' before Deckerd stepped in, reading the emotions of his friend as well as the room to skillfully redirect them. It saved Rodimus the trouble of jumping in to make an example of the bot who'd made the comment. 

"Gunmax typically has a motorbike, one that he can merge with to form a very powerful weapon." he explained, looking at the visor that allowed the mech in question to hide so many of his emotions. A flash of gratitude behind the veneer of apathy allowed him to continue with a smile. "When I combine with J-Decker, I can utilize that weapon for defeating extremely powerful foes."

"We can also combine!" Drill Boy added enthusiastically, pointing to the Build Team and perking up the entire crowd with references to "combining" of all things. Combiners were a precious rarity amongst their own kind, could the humans have truly mastered such technology in addition to multiforming?

"Yes, Dumpson, Power Joe and myself form the Build Tiger." McCrane replied helpfully, gesturing to the group of them and further compounding the confusion. How could they all transform into a single entity, their colors didn't even match! Not only that, but the name absolutely baffled those who had been to earth and those who hadn't. The crane bot only continued his talk and further confounded his audience. "With Drill Boy, our abilities are increased, and we form the Super Build Tiger."

Deckerd, wanting to discuss other things, was granted mercy when he selected Brainstorm via the system.

"What kind of energy do your weapons fire?" he asked, having observed the holsters and folded rifles some of them carried. Being intensely curious as to whether earth had progressed beyond the initial steps of plasma based projectiles, he waited eagerly for a reply.

"Most are based on shells, similar to what humans utilize but on a larger scale." Deckerd said, helpfully taking out his pistol to show what he meant. Metallic bullets fell from the chamber and into his cupped palm, unintentionally shocking the scientist and the more ballistic trained crewmembers. Primitive lead based projectiles, fired by simple chemical reactions?! How were these bots just as intelligent as themselves but defending their lives with the Cybertronian equivalent of stone age technology?!

"Yes, that's what my shotgun fires." McCrane added, patting the sizable weapon on his back as Brainstorm noted a million potential improvements he might offer before they left. 

Shadow Maru, somewhat for the sake of dry comedic effect, unsheathed a blade from his back and shrugged as he held it up. "Personally, I prefer swords." 

Laughter rippled through the audience, though Rodimus caught the clear sight of Drift looking far more like he wanted to applaud the other bot who seemed to gel so well with him. Unable to keep a grin off his face at the friendship forming before his optics, the captain considered setting up a communication line on earth so they could all stay in touch going forward. 

"Where do you all live?" a shy bot said when selected next, bringing to mind how their home planet didn't seem to be built for beings as large as themselves. 

"I stay with Yuuta each night, in the garage. His family has made it my personal home, and I keep them safe." Deckerd replied, describing the situation quite wistfully despite the uncertain expressions that flashed before him. The idea of staying within a single room, like a machine for storage… even bots who didn't mind resting in their altmode couldn't wrap their heads around the idea.

"The rest of us stay at the base, but we're free to go where we please when not on duty." McCrane added, wanting to dispel any ideas that they were at all confined. His words did indeed provide some reassurance, especially considering that a few had been considering "liberating" their new friends if necessary.

"When we travel for work, we live wherever we can." Dumpson said, recalling the many times they'd each had to go across the planet undercover. That notion was quite relatable to the group of travelers, especially those who had gone long periods of time without any home to speak of. Needing to find somewhere suitable while moving undercover had been their existence for years.

Gunmax perked up a little at the topic sitting forward a bit so he could be heard as he extolled the wonders of driving around on his bike. "The roads go on for miles, and some have pretty nice views."

When the next question was called, the Brave Police as a group found it was their turn to be surprised. 

"Do you like earth?"

In another turn of events that no one could have predicted, it was Duke who spoke up first, saying his piece simply but confidently before returning to his usual silence.

"It is the only planet we've ever known, and I would have it no other way."

"Earth has everything dear to us." Deckerd confirmed, a barely contained gleam of pride shining from his optics, both for their home and his friend. Everything about the planet was dear to him, from the life that flourished there to the people who had made him, and he wasn't at all ashamed to say as much. That was something each and every member of the Brave Police could agree on, and in order, they all expressed the same sentiment. 

"Earth has everything we could ever want." McCrane added plainly, looking like he wanted to say more but was held back by his own reservations. The simple smile on his face spoke volumes for him, thankfully. His past mentions of friendship and more with humans resonated deeply with certain bots in the audience. 

"We fight lots of bad guys, but that's to keep all the good humans safe, and they're more than worth it." Dumpson said, sharing a glance with Power Joe, who immediately agreed. The big bots many small friends made his answer and confirmation quite easy.

"Most of the people that live there like us, and we like them too. They have a lot to teach us." he said, recalling his love for martial arts as well as everything else he'd ever been passionate about. The need for patience, the importance of seeing the bright side of life, mentoring the younger beings around oneself… Speaking of the younger, Drill Boy jumped in to reply with his own experiences.

"They've invented all kinds of cool games and sports for us to play!" he said happily, tapping the soccer ball in his chest to emphasize his point. The sport was a genuine passion for him, and without humans he wouldn't have it to enjoy. Slightly more bittersweet thoughts of the many adventures he'd had, and the beings he'd met and lost, but wouldn't trade for anything made him smile far more softly. Tapping his digits together, he added a soft addendum to make his point. "Plus they make lots of other cool things."

"There's not much better than going for a drive on earth, or watching the sunset." Gunmax said in agreement, nodding and closing his optics as he played the memories in his mind. The crew talked plenty about their home of Cybertron, and while it sounded wonderful, he doubted anything could ever surpass his home. One of his first memories was going for a drive on a beautiful day, and he didn't believe any planet could ever offer anything more. Not that he'd be opposed to visiting somewhere else...

"It's our home, and it always will be." Deckerd concluded, unintentionally making the crowd a little emotional with his dedication. A far quieter whisper of conversations briefly passed through them all, this time centered almost entirely on the planet in question. Sure, these bots hadn't ever known another world, but they made their own sound quite wonderful. The many who'd never had a chance to see earth were suddenly feeling quite a bit of longing and curiosity of their own. When the quiet descended once again and Deckerd selected the next bot, the query was hardly a surprise.

"Can we come visit you all sometime?"

The entire team exchanged a look, and Deckerd glanced at Rodimus with the kind of knowing smiles leaders could share when they knew what was happening. While the logistics of such a thing would be a nightmare, there could be no denying the eager faces all around, and any potential benefits were far too great to ignore. Though it would be an impossible amount of work, they both nodded to one another in agreement.

"We would be honored to have you as guests, just as you have taken us into your home."