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dickheadcanons · 9 months ago

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Your brain is literally gynormous. Do you think Damian's and Dick's relationship is paternal? Because, as someone who has actually had to raise their sibling (do not recommend) it looks more like a guy that had too much in his plate trying to be the best caregiver he could, but not really being a parent, if that makes sense. I feel like the idea of him wanting to adopt him feels like kind of a retcon, couldn't really see it in the og run. But of course, it could be because it's not exactly the same as my experience (abusive father, incapable mother, yknow the drill). What do you think? All your posts are so good.

Also while you're at it, what do you think of Dick as a parent? Some elseworlds have played with the concept, and main continuity did something too with Olivia but T*m Tayl*r fucked that up too. I also wonder how Damian would be as a dad, but I don't think I've ever seen any stories with it.

omg anon thank you and thank you for asking!! this is literally one of my favorite topics!! i was thinking about making a post on this and now you gave me the excuse for it!!

Long story short, I don't think that “parental” is a binary thing. I mean, I know several bio-parents who are just guys with too much on their plates, trying to be the best they can, you know? And people can see parent figures in all kinds of relationships that aren’t blood or traditional moms/dads, especially with people who didn't know each other from birth. There are a million ways to be parented, and a million ways to act as a parent.

The way I think about it is, is Dick Damain's John Grayson? No, I don't think so.

But is Dick Damian's Bruce Wayne? Yes. Totally. Absolutely.

More under the cut bc I have a lot of thoughts.

I think to talk about Dick and Damian, we have to start with Dick and Bruce. So much about Dick and Damian is a reflection of the original Dynamic Duo, and I think that's very much the case with this element as well. From the start of their very long comic history, Dick and Bruce have been dancing around their relationship. We get early comics that say they're "like" father and son, we have Bruce saying he couldn't care about Dick more than if he was Bruce's son, but we also have places where they call each other their best friends, where they act more like brothers, etc etc.

When it comes to who our parents are, I think there is the responsibility, and the result. Certain people have the responsibility, the duty, to be our parents, and sometimes (because death or illness or being shitty people), they aren't able to meet those responsibilities. That never removes the responsibility; they don't stop being the parent. But they aren't able to create the result of us becoming good stable adults. That's where other people can step in, where the parental figure appears, and those are the people that we actually point to when we say "they made me the person I am today."

In fandom, we see a lot of Dick not wanting Bruce to replace his father, of him asking not to be adopted. I think this is a fine characterization that works with who Dick is, but Bruce is actually the one to say that he is not going to replace Dick's father. He says it completely unprompted, too. This is withholding the responsibility of being Dick's parent from Bruce, keeping him at a distance and reserving it as an honor for someone who can't hold it anymore, even as Bruce demands responsibility for literally everything else about Dick.

And I think that it's very telling of what Bruce's idea of a father is. The thing about having a dead parent at a young age is that the person of your parents is still tangled in the role of parent in your life; Mom is mom, not Martha, and because she's dead, the image of both Martha and "mom" is frozen. For Bruce, the relationship of father and son is frozen in the relationship of specifically his father and him. Of course Bruce is not Dick's father; Bruce himself is so different from what his conception of a father is. And as a fellow son, for Bruce, someone who just got back from 7 years abroad studying to be Batman, for whom the nearly 20 year old wound is still fresh, the idea of even wanting another father doesn't make sense, particularly for a boy that Bruce identifies with so hard that he becomes the third person ever to know who Batman is.

This looming memory is even worse when it's Dick's turn to be Batman. While Bruce looks at Dick and sees the memory of his own loss, the shadow of his own grief, Dick is looking at Damian and seeing Bruce. Dick knows very well who Damian lost; Dick is grieving what Damian lost more than Damian is. Bruce couldn't conceive of replacing a father, but Dick is struggling to imagining himself replacing Bruce at his job, much less who he was in his personal relationships.

But even if Damian isn't Dick's responsibility, Dick doesn't hesitate to care about Damian's future. "Who's going to save him if we don't?" At the start of the DickBats era, Dick isn't looking at Damian as a family member, really. He's looking at Damian as a victim, abet a very involved, very dangerous one. It's how Bruce looked at Dick too, before he had any reason to know that this kid would become something more to him. But, like Bruce, what Dick does to save Damian is bring him into the thing that is most precious to him; Batman. The mission. Saving people. A way to live in the world.

I know saying someone is the Batman to their Robin is like, a joke at this point. Something unbelievably cheesy. But you google "iconic duos" and Batman and Robin are one of the first responses. There's a reason for the joke. So imagine you are Robin, and your Batman is dead. And you have to go and find a new partner. Dick making Damian his Robin is heavy, just as heavy to me as adoption papers. Bruce made Dick his partner without any idea of what that meant. Dick, and the audience, had 70 years of expectation on what Dick and Damian could be. Dick making Damian Robin was a very specific claim, far stronger imo than just claiming him as a son would have been.

Because, to be honest (and speak to your other question), I don't think Dick thinks a lot about being a parent. I don't really think it's that important to him. Dick is a leader, a mentor, he deals with a ton of teenagers and kids through his vigilante work, he goes to Tim's sidekick parent's meetings and takes Jason skiing and more than that, he's also young. He's in his 20s. He should be at the club. I think he probably thinks he'll have kids in an abstract way, but it's not something he's looking for, consciously or unconsciously. He's not searching for connection, or to fix his mistakes or his past, the things that lead Bruce to adopting sidekicks. He'd be a great dad, and I think we see him being pretty good with his Elseworlds kids, but Dick is a very practical person, and him taking a kid in (vs finding somewhere else they can go) is not really the practical choice.

Except for one kid. There's just been one kid with legitimately no where else to go, where Dick is truly the only option, because going home meant only bad things for him. Dick made Damian part of his family in the ways that mattered to them both in that moment. With their lives, adoption doesn't really make a huge material difference on custody (if Damian wanted to leave, Dick couldn't have stopped him; Damian has access to basically unlimited money and can feed and clothe and wash himself. and possibly already has a phd.), and Dick wanted Damian to choose, anyway. If I recall correctly, Dick says he didn't think about taking Damian with him until Bruce comes back. He thought about taking Damian with him, thought that Damian might be better with Dick (his partner!!!!) than even with Bruce, his dad, the person Dick loves so much, only in the face of them being separated.

Meanwhile Damian, for all his blustering about how Dick needs to "earn" his respect, warms up to Dick startlingly quickly. For Damian, who had never known a father, who in his initial run hadn't even known his mother for more than two years, whose other male family is Ra’s al Ghul, his father is Batman. Even in Tomasi's kinder depiction of Damian's childhood, Damian only knows the Bat. And when he meets Bruce, the first thing he expresses is disappointment. Bruce the man is underwhelming and then goes and dies. So much for the mythic hero!

And then he meets Dick. Who manages to teach Damian something, who doesn't discount his skills even when he's wrong. Who proves that he is better at being Batman than Damian, and shows that he wants Damian around. And, even more importantly, who doesn't die. Dick is stable in a world constantly in flux. Damian screws up a lot in that run, and he leaves for long stretches of it, but Dick is always there when he gets back. There's no blame here, but the truth is that Dick is the one who stays.

Bruce was Damian's father, but what does that mean to someone whose never met a father at all? Bruce might have tried to connect with Damian before he died, but he doesn’t do it in a way that works. He doesn’t give Damian trust, he doesn’t encourage him in the ways Damian finds important…the first person to do that is Dick. Dick gives Damian responsibility, makes him part of the team. It could be argued that Damian didn’t deserve it, but we’re not talking about deserving. We’re talking about what worked. It sounds like as good an idea as making a tiny 8 year old acrobat a sidekick, but it undeniably worked for both Damian and Dick. Does that mean that either of these relationships were parental in the way that we think of it in the real world, in the way that a child psychologist would say is good and healthy? I have no idea. But they are the most parental in the absence of any other parents, and I think that means a lot.

Unfortunately, we don't get to actually see the dissolution of Dick and Damian's partnership. DC conveniently skips over showing us Bruce coming back and Dick becoming Nightwing again; preNew 52, Dick is still Batman with Damian even when Bruce returns, and in the New 52, he's been Batman "Before" and we don't really see the end, just a vague aftermath. But if it did take that kind of change to make them realize their relationship had a flavor of "parent and child", had the makings of something like a father and son, well, they'd just be following in the original Batman's footprints.

#asks #dick grayson #damian wayne #bruce wayne #this is a fucking essay #batman meta #And I didn't even manage to talk about John #Sorry John #I think there is the more traditional caregiver side of parenthood #the part that makes sure the kids are fed and dressed and ready for school #but the magic of comics is that none of the bat characters really need that and damian in particular is not receptive to it #They kind of regress Damian to it a bit after the supersons era #but he is extremely assured while Dick is batman #he doesn't need a parent in the caregiver way he need a parent in the believes in you and gives you somewhere to call home way #it just turns out that its really hard to have someone love you and watch out for you and get super invested in your development #and not think of them in some kind of fond paternal way #also i may need to make a real post about dick and children because i dont know if i was really coherent here lol #also if there are any issues that show something i missed lmk #i have definitely not read everything

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doshiart · 1 month ago

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ART TAG

thank you @deathclassic @suzy-queued @kiennilove for tagging me!! <33 it's hard to be social, but it sounds so cool and interesting, so here i am!

Have you always been interested in creating art?

i guess so, but sometimes it's really a struggle thing. i've always liked it, i've always tried to draw, but after any failure i dropped it. i started drawing more consciously in 2020 and i got a tablet. now i'm proud of my skill development, even though i'm not good enough and i know nothing, but i think that's everyone's trouble

What's your favorite medium to use? If digital, what programs do you like?

digital, clip studio paint, i love textured brushes

Do you create outside of fandom?

yes, i draw for myself. i have oc's in two different universes, somethimes i draw YCH's and adopts for sale

Share something you haven't finished and/or never got around to posting.

1 - it was jan 24. i wanted to draw gallavich on a bike, but it didn't work, so i just dropped it

2 - recent practice sketches

3 - feb 2. it was a masquerade of gallavich fic, and i volunteered for prizes, so i had a sketch for snowballs and sneaking out by @gallawitchxx 🖤 i thought it was very raw, so i never showed it,,,

Favorite piece you've made?

1 - my oc's from the fantasy universe // june 3, 2024

2 - hitoshi shinso from bnha // feb 25, 2023

and i have a new fav drawing with my oc's that i drew recently and i'll show it bellow

Draw your icon in a minute or less

An underrated piece you've made in your opinion

i don't know, maybe this. i like the lighting here and this scene. illustration for camp bullfrog by @sickness-health-all-that-shit and @heymacy

Do you do art in a professional setting?

no and i don't think i'm capable of being in professional settings. i've only worked on personal commission with other people's oc's

A piece you don't like but did really well on social media.

i wasn't really happy about it, but when i read 7 minutes in heaven by @crossmydna based on this art, i was very happy

Post an old piece and compare it to your most recent, what are the similarities?

omg exactly three years ago. what are the similarities? pretty guys with cigarettes. i guess eyes and noses, but better now, love for backgrounds

oct 4, 2021 // neil josten from aftg

oct 4, 2024 // my oc's dave and cas

Have you ever collaborated with another artist/s?

yes! one and other one

What piece has the most notes? Are you surprised?

this art got the most reach and i don't know what i feel about this, not that i really don't like it, but i don't know… there's something wrong

Who/What is your favorite subject matter?

i love to draw characters and showing their existence

Show us something not from fandom you've made

commission for mental health supporter Rho on twi

Where do you like to create?

sitting at my computer desk, and preferably with the door closed because it helps me focus

Do you have a tag that you use to group your creations? Tell us so people can follow it.

all my art // gallavich fanart

Give yourself a shoutout, where can we commission/buy/follow you for more pieces?

commission info // bsky // twi // inst (don't like this app)

for commission me you can just use dm here or discord (doshiart)

tagging @konaiiro @heymrspatel @spookygingerr @lingy910y @michellemisfit 🖤

#tag game #about me #gallavich fanart #my art

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utilitycaster · 1 year ago

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I think the reason some people aren't taking the 'sister' comment in the way I believe Ashton meant it is because Laudna referred to Imogen in a similar manner, so I wonder if they assume they'll follow that same direction?

I mean. Laudna did, in fact, mean that comment platonically, to the point that Laura, as Imogen, was fully expecting a rejection and the consequences thereof, and now has painted herself into the corner of making a heroic but rather painful to watch effort to make something of it while Laudna continues to be like yes I have a girlfriend! anyway let's wander off while dancing, let's fail to answer any of her questions, let's literally need to be walked through the attempts at Battle Couple maneuvers, and generally act as some kind of monkey's paw object lesson in why you better let the fuse of a slowburn actually burn slowly. Anyway, as I've said, I don't care for the very saccharine OOC Love Marriage Baby Carriage fanon that's been present for Ashton and Fearne, and am pro their casual hookup, but like...honestly? Were I capable of placing curses, which I am unfortunately not, I would curse every ship I did not care for to become canon the way Imogen and Laudna did. Which is to say, if you do ship Ashton and Fearne, go for it, but you should be on your knees begging to whatever you believe in and possibly some things you do not that this does not follow the current pattern, at least, of Imogen and Laudna.

Secondly, I have not done my time in fandom, watching people with truly the most rancid only child energy bleat "omg besties! siblings!" at every ship they not-so-subtly wanted to sink, only to watch those same dullards be like "no but when it happens in canon with my ship it's different." Or at least, I am watching this because it is happening, but I am not taking them remotely seriously. Hypocrisy is terrible for a lot of reasons but its one saving grace is it is a double-edged sword; anyone trying to dance around this has completely shredded their capacity to ever again play the "um actually I see them as siblings so it's kinda gross that you ship them" card along with, to be honest, their general credibility, and like, really. For this?

Thirdly, if people look at two characters and say well THIS happened once so it DEFINITELY will happen again with two ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PEOPLE with ENTIRELY DIFFERENT HISTORIES and ENTIRELY DIFFERENT MOTIVATIONS that's dumb as hell. We don't have to pretend like it isn't dumb as hell. This is neither how people nor causation work. I mean it could happen, but that's because coincidences happen. I certainly wouldn't use it in any sort of serious argument.

And finally, I don't know how to put this more nicely, and as you'll see in a moment I have a vested interest in not bothering to, but playing pro bono public defender for bad takes in my inbox (let alone when I'm not even the OP of the post I assumed prompted this?) is at least intended to be so utterly thankless by design that I don't know why this is the second time this week someone has voluntarily done it unless you're trying specifically to evoke this particular flavor of breathless rant from me in which case you could just give me a topic and ask nicely; I would gladly oblige.

#answered #Anonymous #cr tag

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jayflrt · 6 months ago

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HELLO!

I like your work a lot like it's genuinely Hilarious so I thought you would be the best person to ask for this.

I want to make a writing tumblr for enhypen but I'm a little lost because I've never used tumblr (as a creator) before LOL just used twitter and AO3 to write/socmed for fictional fandoms (tbh this is my first time like being a proper fan of a kpop group as to occasionally liking a song or two).

Anyways! What I've gathered from my experience on twitter and the writers I've followed here is obviously your blog should have an intro about you (inc. what you're comfy with, what you write, etc.) and a master list of your works BUT some of Tumblr's mechanics are Confusing.

Like,

1) should I create specific tags for my asks?

2) on twt, usually you create a tweet like "Hi! New to #___twt, looking for moots blah blah" to get an initial burst of likewise new people to bond and communicate with, does it work similarly here and if so/not please elaborate TT

3) is the etiquette to reblog every work you like, or is that spammy and you should just like them?

4) is there any other advice you have for navigating tumblr (like odd quirks)

5) ALSO this is a small dumb question but in the fandoms I've been in until now we usually used socmed au instead of smau do you have any idea why that's different (low-key smau is smarter tho bcus it's a shorter abbreviation)

I think that's all. I tried going through your rules and intro again, but I didn't see anything on whether an ask like this was alright or not, but I hope it is! I didn't want to Like intrude, but I felt most comfortable asking you because you're also desi ❤️❤️.

Anyways!! If this is something you don't want to/don't feel comfortable answering or it's like annoying genuinely just ignore this, I don't want to be make anyone uncomfortable!

omg thank you so much ml, i'm so glad you enjoyed my works!! 🥹 welcome to the kpop community first of all!! did you recently become an engene? :') and welcome to the tumblr ff community too! honestly i feel like if you can navigate ao3 just fine then tumblr shouldn't be too difficult after a while but i'm sure it's confusing at first 😵‍💫

as for your questions i'll answer them in the same order you asked them:

1. honestly i'm not 100% sure if there's any real purpose behind specific tags for your asks other than organization personally LOL but it's pretty helpful if you want to go back to look through your asks for something instead of scrolling past all the posts on your blog !!

2. omg yes i love the twt intros 💗 honestly for tumblr i think i just started posting content right away whenever i made a blog 🤧 i think intros are usually just in your navigation anyways but if you want to talk to different authors then it doesn't hurt to send an ask!! usually people communicate with different authors via the ask box 🥰

3. all sorts of interaction is great but i think reblogs are preferred!! i typically use likes as my bookmarks and then reblogs to comment on work or share it to a wider audience. the algorithm for tumblr works so that your likes don't show for others (unless you make it public on your profile) but your reblogs are on the dashes of people who follow you

4. ooh i'd say make use of the tagging system!! using tags like #enhypen fluff or #enhypen x reader on your fics will make it easier for people to find your work 💘

5. HAHAH I USED TO CALL IT SOCMED AU TOO BEFORE I JOINED TUMBLR 😭 i still use social media au as a tag but i think smau is more widely used here!! not exactly sure why but im guessing its just easier to tag 🙂‍↕️ i get you tho bc i experienced the same culture shock

dont worry you're most welcome to send asks !! 🥰💘 and thank you for reading my rules and intro!! i definitely don't turn away anyone who's looking for advice <33 also omg fellow desi 🫶 welcome to enhablr !

#💌 : love notes #suneng

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mrsfitzgerald · 1 year ago

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hey! do you think these two lovely dorks really have some kind of romantic relationships off stage or it’s just me?🥺 every time when i start to think about this my brain just like ewsxswasszzw

I couldn't sleep all night because I was thinking about that message, lol 😆

let's start with the fact that i love the band since 99. i started listening to them when i was 11 years old and of course i didn't think about their relationship within the band (I didn't even know what they looked like for a very long time because I only had a live aus berlin cassette which i stolen from a classmate and it was without a cover ( I wanted to destroy it because he bored everyone at school by constantly talking about this group 😁 fun fact: this guy is my best friend now and I'm his daughter's godmother)

soo one day in a popular russian teen magazine i saw a picture of them (paul and richard) and a caption under the picture that changed my life 😆

the caption went like this (I just still keep this magazine and was able to translate that, do not think that I remember it by heart 😆) : «A month ago, being in Moscow, the members of the band Rammstein claimed that they loved only women and were not interested in guys! And what they were doing on stage (sticking microphones into each other in different places) was just an artistic image. just a joke. then the cult Germans left to continue to amaze Europe with their music. Poor guys, they didn't know that we (the magazine's editorial staff) followed them. And in Prague we had already seen guitarists Paul Landers and Richard Kruspe admiring each other. Look at these lovebirds, isn't that love?»

and I remember looking at that picture and thinking "omg! this is really love!" 🥰 many months later I learned what fanfiction was and what slash was and how surprised I was that I wasn't the only one who thought that about them, that there was something sweet between them? (it was 2004, for some reason I thought it was 01/02, but no, it was 2004)

and I made so many new friends and we had so many awesome stories in russian fandom!!! and ever since then in my head I've always thought that there was something going on between them. there weren't many videos and pictures back then, but every time I saw them next to each other it made me smile 🥰

then youtube came along and I probably saw all the videos that were posted back then and always watched how Richard and Paul acted with each other

I started making gifs since 2010 and it's always been a joy to find cute moments from concerts with them 💖

and then 2019 happened. i remember that day so well. i downloaded this huge video from spain and started watching it from the beginning, i wasn't expecting anything at all. and first i saw richard kiss paul's forehead at puppe and i was like WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN? and then someone sent me a text saying "watch auslander" and I rewinded to that moment and saw that kiss on the lips and you should have heard my screams! I CLOSED MY LAPTOP, I THREW IT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BED. I FELL OFF THE BED ONTO THE FLOOR AND I JUST SCREAMED LIKE THIS: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (and with a lot of russian swear words 😆😆😆😆😆 ) my dad came running into the room and thought I was dying or being killed 😆 I thought my spirit had left my body I had imagined it in my head for so many years (really many many years!!) and now I saw it for real? I couldn't even in my wildest dreams imagine that this could actually happen.

I still have a lot of questions: how did they decide to do it? why? for what? what does it all mean? was it scripted? i think in 19 yes, and in 22 too. but still every time it was something cute and new and they are adults and hardly anyone could make them do it. they just… decided to kiss each other's ~lips~ every time and they like it? all those thoughts amaze me and i don't have a heterosexual explanation for it (but maybe i am being biased 😁)

of course I don't know and I don't think I'll ever know what's really going on between them, but the whole history of their relationship, what they've gone through to be here when they can just kiss each other is amazing to me! It's so beautiful and I'm just happy that they let us see it too… the tenderness they have for each other? and it doesn't matter what it's called and whether they're together or not, the main thing is that they look so happy around each other 🥰 that's enough for me 💖💖💖

#IM SORRY FOR THIS GIANT ANSWER 😆#i don't know english so please sorry for mistakes #💖💖💖💖💖💖

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miru667 · 1 year ago

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hiii!! miruu it's me (AGHDG again) i wanted to tell you that....in ur drawing celebrating a decade for the Onceler fandom you left a link to another publication and I BARELY NOTICED IT T-T... but well the topic is uhmmm

i wanted to say how much i adore that you shared that with us aaaandd HOW I LOVE THE DEDICATION YOU PUT TO YOUR DRAWINGS!!! LIKE every line you made- for example the lines you did on the old onceler's suit, GOD and his chain WHAT (i always go to that drawing because you don't know the feelings it transmits to me) i loved what you say about Onceler Aftermath, about what it represents regarding the fandom and how you added so many references that i know are very significant and nostalgic for the fandom and the people who formed it at the time

apart from that i love that you mentioned everything you referenced in the drawing!!thaaanks for that, i must say that i did not know many of them and i even ended up reading one of the ask blogs that you cited hehe

and the fact that it took you 6 MONTHS AAAAA this drawing deserves to be framed in gold

i REALLYYY love reading the history of this fandom and what it means to you...and i know that even though i wasn't there, i can feel the love you have for all of this

im glad that a person like you is still in this, and willing to explain and convey to new travelers (like me) what all this is :")))

and before i go i would like to ask you a question since i read all this ^^

at the beginning of the fandom... did you ever imagine what would come to be formed and then continue to have an impact on people???

THAT'S ALL AAAA A HUGEEE APOLOGYY for the length of the menssage but there were so many things to say TuT that i didn't even say some , reading the entire post made me smile and inspired

SHAKOOOOOOO 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭 Thank you for reading that behind-the-scenes post omg that means a lot to me TTWTT... it's okay if you didn't notice it before, it's because I only recently attached the link onto the main post AGJSGUD BUT STILL like??? The fact that you've been coming back to that zine piece is so 🥺🧡 it makes me happy that someone likes it that much!! Sgjhjd yes I went pretty insane for this picture since it was the COVER so I felt a lot of pressure! 😭 It was a zine to celebrate 10 years of the fandom so I wanted to draw something to represent those 10 years, and so I decided to play to my strengths and take advantage of my knowledge of fandom history :,)...thank goodness they gave us plenty of time to finish our pieces dchgjd

And for your question: NO I absolutely had no idea what the future held back then, nor did i think about it! In 2012 I simply lived for the moment, moment to moment in a state of obsession. I don't think anyone can predict how things will be looked back on in 11 years while you're just enjoying the moment in present time. The way people engage with fandom stuff has shifted greatly in the past decade, attitudes about "cringe" keep changing too, things that are hilarious to us right now could be seen as problematic in another 10 years and vice versa in ways that you're unable to conceive of at present. People have gotten art careers thanks to improving their art through the onceler fandom, others have gotten married to someone they met through the fandom, and others have been traumatized and feel weird when they see old fandom posts being reblogged...there was no way I could've predicted any of that at the beginning. It was my first fandom, tumblr was still relatively new, and the internet was a very very different place! And I was also a very different person.

#miruask #shakooo #DONT APOLOGIZE your nice asks always make me smile!! ;v;

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streets-in-paradise · 6 months ago

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Troy was on the TV today, and I swear it was like the universe telling me to stop procrastinating and write a few Troy fics, so be prepared for at least 2 fics to come out in the next 5 days

Also, I'll be adding The mummy to my masterlist on Tuesday, and I think I might add Pirates of the Caribbean and Lord of the Rings to my masterlist, too, at some point

OMG YES YES!! I'M SO READY!!

( luckly, I also have been able to work on troy fics today. Turns out all i had to do In order to focus was disconnecting a bit from online presence.)

I am not proud to confess I have let my world stop on the rare ocassions Troy gets reruns on TV.

A few years ago, for example, I remember to have skipped a class from a college course because I catched it on TV while I was eating prior to getting ready to leave for said class. My younger sister, that was just returning home, got like " hey, they never rerun that one!" and we just stayed there watching it together. ( I got top grades on that course anyways, so I didn't miss much skipping one class lol)

It hits different when I catch it on TV, brings an extra something. Like a nice surprise you didn't see coming and, for me at least, an extra layer of nostalgia because I originally discovered it that way.

Plus, TV tends to air theatrical version and that one is harder to find online. I do tend to prefer director's cut, but that one cutted the fluffy scene of Helen tending the wounds of Paris and that scene can't be found in youtube. If I want to see it for once, i gotta find the original cut.

Overall, I prefer Director's Cut, but catching a TV rerun means I can rewatch theatrical for once.

Btw, all of this is awesome news!!!

POTC and LOTR form alongside Troy the holy trinity of my old date fixations ( yes, Orlando Bloom being my first celeb crush as a kid got me there when first watching Troy, but I stayed for everything else)

I am also toying with the idea of adding the mummy to my fandom list. I rewatched it last week and I think i'm going to test myself posting an oneshot on the next couple of days. If after that I feel i did a decent job, I will open the mummy requests.

#asks #messages #troy 2004 #troy #potc #pirates of the caribbean #the mummy 1999

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harkeepitreal · 7 months ago

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I am like a lot of the fandom anxious, nervous, freaking out about 6.6 and what will happen to our Chenford. I am thinking I may wait to watch the episode until after I read reviews or see the updates here from all you lovely people. If I know they are still together then I go an watch but if not then I can walk away. Because I know if a break up happens this one will kill me. I have not loved a couple like this in such a long time. The last time I really shipped a couple this hard was in Younger Omg that break up, if it was not for my love of Sutton Foster I would have stopped watching. We need our Chenford support system to help guide through this. Here is hoping our babies work through this. Because it will be devastating to the fandom. I need to stop reading stupid reviews that are someone's pov. I just read one from Screenrant where the author was talking about how this season especially the last episode is foreshadowing a devastating break up. Why do I let these people get into my head? Oh yeah tons of ship Trauma. Looking at you Scandal, Arrow, Grey's Anatomy, Outlander (I still watch because it is one the best shows on TV), Bones, Castle, Younger, Sex and the City, Friends...the list goes on.

Maybe that is part of the reason I hate angst so much I just always think it will lead that direction. Although I do have to say ST Voy did help a little when Tom and B'elanna got together yes there was angst as there will be with a human and half human/half Klingon who tends to lean closer to the Klingon side. They showed that it is possible to put a couple together let them have their differences and work stuff out without breaking up. I think more shows are going this way now.

I remember reading an interview that Alexi said (take what he says lightly). God I wish I could remember the interview because I laughed and shook my head yes when he said it. He said something along the lines of if they did anything to Chenford that he knows the entire fandom will hunt him down and cause a riot. I also read I am not sure if it was here I think it was in the notes of a fanfic I loved that Eric had responded to someone not sure where that they will not break up. Not sure how true that is, not that I am denying what the awesome fanfic writer, wrote in their notes. But would he really spill something that big? Also read somewhere not sure FB or here that Melissa said that the season finale was going to be big for them. Again who knows how true that is. I don't have IG, Tik Tok, Instagram.

Sorry for the long post. I started watching the Rookie because I love Nathan but I have kept watching because of Chenford. My PTST (Post Traumatic Ship Trauma) is coming through and rearing it's ugly head. I am a literal person so unless it is said directly I tend to not believe it and even then I question. So here is hoping our babies stay together and work this out. Because otherwise I think I will be broken, and will probably stop watching.

Love to you all❤️❤️❤️

#chenford #lucy chen #the rookie #tim bradford #hoping for a season 7 renewal #break up #No break up stay together and work things out #Ship trauma #6.6

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stellerssong · 9 months ago

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For the Fan Fic Writer Asks: 9 and/or 10

9—do you write every day? if you wrote today, share a sentence of what you’ve written!

this is actually the only piece of writing advice or technique that’s ever worked for me and my swiss-cheesed brain: somehow i managed to convince myself, in the depths of a very bad creative injury, that Increasing The Fucking Thing by a sentence, just a few words, every single day, counts on some nebulous cosmic scale as Increasing The Fucking Thing, and therefore has value. this is why my creative output is so [wiggly hand gesture] in terms of quantity, but hey, This One Weird Trick has kept me in the game for some years now when i would otherwise have quit, so we’ll call it a good thing overall. Doctors Hate Her!

here is my contribution to the cosmic scale today, in screenshot format because moving the annoying formatting from my notes app to any other rich text field is, as previously stated, annoying. and yes, i am definitely looking forward to having to reformat this entire fucking fic line-by-line when it is uploaded to ao3 (lying) (lying so hard) (was looking at another section last night and just experiencing profound despair)

10—is there a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

something that is true in every single fandom ever is that you will publish a high-effort longfic that you poured your heart and soul into and people will be like “meh” and then you will publish an off-the-cuff gag ficlet that you barfed out in a day and a half and people will come crawling out of cracks in your walls to tell you this is the FUNNIEST and SMARTEST thing you’ve EVER written and OMG PLEASE WRITE MORE LIKE THIS and then you will be like. how did you get in my house. please get out of my house. i didn’t even go to the effort of looking up Finnish syntax and sentence construction for this fic i’m an EMBARRASSMENT. STOP CRAWLING AROUND IN MY CABINETRY

to that point, and to the original question: “we’ve got the power now, motherfuckers” has far and away received the most enthusiastic response of anything i’ve posted for Control (2019) fandom. and part of that might be because i did dash it off without taking myself overly seriously, and part of that might’ve been a fandom actually getting interested in a fic centered around a major character who up until that point largely hadn’t been utilized in fic, and idk maybe i actually did better than i thought i did in terms of mimicking the style of the in-game lore collectibles…but also y’all. please. “laterna magica” and “barren face, desert eyes” are better. like objectively. you are tearing me apart Lisa

#chatter #ask games #@wfl the screenshot is the evanescence fic by the way! it is a crossover. i'm terribly sorry you had to find out like this.#but perhaps this is better than if i'd tagged you and you'd opened up the fic proper and been like ''who the fuck is ALAN''#he's literally just some guy. don't worry about it. i know i don't!#anyway shoutout to my fellow dark mode/reversi girlies. the other day i switched pt back to light mode just as an experiment #and i like literally yelled and recoiled from my screen #it burns us precious.....................

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itsclydebitches · 1 year ago

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I'm not the same anon but I do think that keeley repeatedly saying "we're just friends" for an entire episode only for people to completely ignore her words the moment roy says he wants something more is... fucked up, to say the least

I wad afraid of speaking up because I thought I was the only one that saw it lol

I too looked at her expression, the way she says "roy...", how fast she lets go of his hand and how cheery she is towards jamie, how even roy notices and focuses on her letting go of his hand so fast (because viewers are meant to notice it as well!)

But people just went "omg she touched his hand! who cares that she spent an entire episode saying she wants him as a friend and looks almost panicked at that moment! she clearly wants to jump back in a romantic relationship with him!"

I felt crazy lol but now I feel validated

The show tried to show a strong and independent keeley... only for her to enter yet another relationship and end up needing rebecca's financial help again.

A huge issue I have with the show is that keeley's story in each season revolves around her romantic relationships. And people eat it up because "uwu ships!"

I think that in a show that gave us such badass female characters like rebecca, sassy, nora, sharon, etc., what they did to keeley in season 3 is a shame and a disservice to her character

Season 3 was perfect to show her as the strong, independent woman keeley proclaims herself to be in season 1

She could have brought some of that "Lasso effect" to her new office, become a badass boss and entrepreneur

Instead once again her story revolves around her romantic interests, she loses the firm, is betrayed by a close friend, and has fan fave roy pressure her to get back with him as soon as she's out of an abusive relationship

The only true moment of brilliance I saw from her was in 3x08 when her pics and videos were leaked and she refused to make a public apology and stood her ground (roy's behavior was quite abysmal right there btw)

It's true that this doesn't feel like a "last season of the series" storyline for keeley

It's looks like a really good setup for a spinoff, maybe?

I really hope she ends season 3 as a happy single woman focused of rebuilding her career

Woo feeling validated in fandom interpretations! I know that feeling oh so well lol

As said, I need to give the last episode a re-watch, especially since I personally haven’t come across anyone making light of Keeley’s apparent discomfort. Which isn’t to say that those posts don’t exist, just that they haven’t made their way to my pocket of the fandom and thus I’m not really in a position to comment on their validity (or lack thereof).

However, I do disagree with the take that Keeley being in relationships this season is a “disservice” to her character. Honestly, I think both you and the previous anon are coming from a rather narrow idea of what a “strong independent woman” looks like. It’s an incredibly understandable viewpoint given media history -- wherein woman are written primarily as sex objects and/or fridged lovers for man pain -- but in this case I think those expectations are blinding fans to Keeley’s canonical complexity.

As an important reminder to readers in general, Season 3 did not suddenly arrive with romance plotlines that derailed Keeley’s otherwise good writing. Romance and sexuality are baked into her core characterization, right from Episode One. So yes, if you're not at all a fan of that characterization then Keeley is never going to work well for you. Which implies then that the issue has less to do with tweaking Keeley's plot and more the desire for a totally different character. Because this is a woman who prioritizes sex and her romantic interests. She is introduced as being (sexually) intimidated by Rebecca, talking about how hot she is, how she’s totally thought about the two of them together, and praising her topless photos. Keeley consistently dresses in outfits that ping-pong between traditionally sexy and coy, schoolgirl looks. She’s dating Jamie at the show’s start, talks about how she wants more than to just keep dating hot footballers younger than her, and then finds that "more" by a) becoming Rebecca’s pseudo-protege and b) dating the older, mature Roy whose football career is coming to a close. But the point is that Keeley has always been sexual, has always been interested in romance, and has (nearly) always been after Roy in particular. Season One is peppered with that attraction, from her impressed “Holy shit” when he headbutts Colin, to making fun of him while he stands outside in the parking lot without his shirt.

Continuing this trend of Keeley being interested in sex/romance in Season Three is only a problem if we think it’s inherently bad for that to be a primary focus in her life... and I don’t think it is. Because otherwise the only issue would be if Ted Lasso wasn't capable of writing women except as arm candy for men... and the show quite obviously is. Keeley’s sexuality becomes a unique characteristic of her personality precisely because the other women are written as having their own, differing priorities and interests: Rebecca is the high-powered woman whose divorce is a symbol of freedom, Nora is still young and has other things on her mind, Sally likes casual sex but isn’t looking for a relationship (at least not with Ted), Sharon is a no-nonsense professional who has a split-second scene with a new boyfriend, Mae has no romantic prospects at all, etc. Personally, I find it to be a reductive reading to take a woman who has been shown as a romance-focused, sex-positive individual from day one, who has ALSO achieved so much outside of those interests, and then claim that because romance remains a priority in her life she’s not strong/independent. Really, how much does a woman have to achieve before she’s “allowed” to be written as putting relationships first? This is the Feminism 101 reminder that if you give women the means to be anything they want... a lot of them will want to be wives, mothers, hookers, secretaries, etc.

More to the point, Keeley does achieve a lot this season. You say that you wish Keeley had become a badass boss and entrepreneur... but she is. She was those things last season too. She runs a company and had a plot wherein she learned how to be a better boss after hiring her friend turned out to be a mistake (an arc that I think parallels Ted figuring out how to bench Roy). She's literally a boss and literally a badass, so what else does she need to do on screen to convey that? You say that Roy “pressured” her to get back with him, but he doesn’t. He intends to leave a letter while she’s away and Keeley surprises him. Keeley asks him to read it aloud. Keeley calls him back when Roy starts walking away. That’s all a moment of agency on her part and I don’t think we should deny her that just because we’re used to women being pressured into relationships in other stories/real life. That doesn’t mean that’s what’s happening here. Yes, Roy really stepped in it when he asked Keeley who the video was for, but that’s the entire point of the scene. He fucks up, immediately realizes he fucked up, and Keeley walks away knowing that she doesn’t owe him an answer. That’s a scene written for Keeley, not for Roy, and it’s not evidence that he’s inherently bad for her. It’s only evidence that people make mistakes and should be forgiven when they try to make amends -- Ted Lasso’s bread and butter.

You say you wished Keeley had brought the Lasso Way to her firm, but she does. Granted, it’s by no means as extensive as Ted’s achievement, but why would we expect it to be when Keeley isn’t the show’s main character? (Nor is she Ted.) What else is her relationship with Barbara though if not a miniature version of what Ted has done with the team? Here’s a standoffish, isolated individual who doesn’t feel like a part of the group. Now let’s humanize her with snow globes. Now let’s have her warming to Keeley over a series of small but significant interactions. Now let’s have the emotional conclusion where Keeley demonstrates that she’s paying attention to her interests (collecting), is willing to accommodate her quirks (I need to pay you), and the end result is Barbara returning because where else would she want to work after all that kindness? This is shown on an even smaller scale with the awkward guy in the office who explicitly tells Keeley that she’s the nicest boss he’s ever had. Again, there aren’t episodes worth of this development, but I think that speaks more to these being side-characters in a B-Plot than it does Keeley’s supposed failure.

Yes, she receives help from Rebecca at the end... but she was receiving help from Jack before. Keeley is not (yet) in a position to stand completely on her own with the firm and even if she was, why would she want to? That’s not Ted Lasso’s approach. The victory here is in having her best friend supporting her when, as Rebecca points out, that help amounts to chump-change for her (seriously, she was casually buying a horse last episode. She can afford this), rather than being beholden to a stranger/abusive-ex. And you say that Keeley’s only true moment of brilliance is when she stands her ground regarding the video... which is a plot-line that revolves around her sexuality. That just emphasizes that, as said, sex and romance has been a key part of Keeley’s story since the start and just because some shows navigate that in a demeaning, insulting way doesn’t mean that’s inherently the case. As demonstrated, having the woman make a sex vid that gets leaked can lead to a fantastic, empowering plot.

Idk I obviously have a lot of thoughts about this, but primarily I’m uncomfortable with this generalized takeaway that Story About Women Having Relationships = Them Being Weak/It's Bad Writing. Especially when Keeley’s romance this season was queer. That representation, to my mind, outweighs any potential harm of getting another romance-focused plotline for a woman. But I don’t see it as inherently harmful? This is all a core part of Keeley’s character, so if fans dislike it... they just dislike Keeley. There's nothing wrong with that, but this is the woman who loves masturbating to a video of her boyfriend crying and was dead-set on a super sexy Christmas until Phoebe needed her help. Sex and romance are key parts of who Keeley is, without those things solely defining her. Plus, notably, the rest of the cast has been focused on romance too. Ted is out there hiring private investigators over Michelle’s potential engagement. Rebecca has an (emotionally) hot night with the boat dude and is still coming to terms with everything surrounding Rupert. Sam is still clearly pining for her at least a little. Beard remains immersed in his own abusive relationship. Colin wants nothing more than to be able to kiss his fellow after a game. Even Trent, if read subtextually, has upended his entire LIFE out of a love of Ted.

And of course Roy, when not doing generic football things, has spent the whole season likewise thinking about Keeley: here’s the hilarious moment when everyone reacts to their breakup (a scene that heavily sells their Happily Ever After for the viewer. If the entire cast is reacting with this much horror and shock, you’re supposed to want them together). Here he is talking to Jamie about her dating someone else. Here he is putting his foot in it because of jealousy. Here’s the love letter. Roy’s characterization this season has revolved around Keeley just as much as Keeley’s has revolved around him and Jack. So even if Keeley didn’t have a unique history and characterization surrounding her romances, it doesn’t feel fair to say she’s somehow being done a disservice when the whole cast is grappling with various, romance-focused conflicts. Ted Lasso is a story about love in all its forms and I for one am pretty damn happy with how they’ve written Keeley's brand of love. The show said that you can be a boss ass bitch AND sexually active AND prioritizing finding the love of your life; you don’t have to choose. So I’m a little protective when fans frame it like Keeley does, in fact, have to choose. If she’s in romances than she’s no longer independent and strong and powerful... which simply isn’t true.

That narrow perspective is, I think, potentially more of a problem than fans who ship her with Roy when, clearly, the show wants you to ship her with Roy. That’s their B-Plot since day one. That’s what Ted faints over and Beards screams out a disbelieving “What?!” The characters ship it too. Are there structural problems in media where women are frequently denied agency and are reduced solely to a man’s love interest? Yeah, but we need to read the room a bit too. I think acting like fans are bad for prioritizing their relationship in a show that has consistently prioritized their relationship is a bit like walking into that Rom-Com and going, “Ugh, can you believe the woman is falling for another man? That’s all women do in stories anymore! She’s just pining after and flirting with and eventually marrying this guy, it's so sad." Like... it's a romance. Sure, we can unpack how this characterization feeds into other stories and even the prevalence of the genre itself, but that doesn't erase the fact that this is a romance and having a character fall in love is the entire point. Keeley is likewise a romance-focused character with a romantic subplot who also does a lot of other, cool, non-romance things throughout the show. That’s been Ted Lasso’s genre/vibe since the start, so wanting something different is an individual preference, not a failure of the story. No one has to like Keeley or what they're doing with her, obviously, but in this case the show has not promised something it didn't deliver on.

#Ted Lasso #Keeley Jones #mymetas

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ceruleanskiesss · 4 months ago

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Me when Im boutta post something DOWN BAD abt Bucky on my TikTok but I suddenly remember my MOTHER has it 😭😭😭

Anyways hihi again tumblr, where’s the 2024 MCU fandom at?? I have nothing to offer but a shitty unfinished OC fic, but OMG I am having so much fun with my current fixation :3

Here you can have a taste of it :D it’s not like, shippy or anything (MC is a minor), but I had the idea for one of my ocs in the Marvel universe, and it spiraled into a MASSIVE thing and I could literally go on and on for hours abt them

It was… warm, when the Killer emerged from the facility, its beaten fists still dripping in the gore of its creators, senses wild and on edge. Rays of sun pierced its retinas, dappling through canopies of evergreen– a stark difference from the blaring fluorescence it once knew. Oddly, it didn’t mind. The Killer stumbled through the brightness, knowing so little of itself, its mind torn to shreds. One simple word guided its every step, one simple, unbreakable word seared through its skull with harsh command, Kill.

It wasn’t long before the Killer was approached by local authorities, days at most. It was a policeman who found it, saw the figure wandering the side of the forested roadway, coated in blood. He tried to help it, to offer it aid, until he saw its piercing golden eyes, knit with chilling malice, and realized the blood was not its own. The policeman fumbled for his radio in an attempt to call backup, but was instead met with Killer's bloodstained fists for the last time. Its mind surged with a sickening sweetness, a Pavlovian response for a job well done. It was unsure why, but the Killer paid the feeling no mind as it resumed its trek. By the time backup arrived, the Killer was gone.

It assumed SHIELD was alerted when backup found the body, as the agents in front of it now, blocking both sides of the roadway in a pair of black vans, were unmistakable.

“Hands where I can see them!” One agent shouted, stepping from a van, her gun expertly trained at its head.

Its entire body screamed for the agent's gore, and so, without hesitation, the Killer rushed for her, its cold glare unchanging. Suddenly, multiple different targets emerged from the two vans, firing at it. The Killer felt its own blood beginning to spill, but it didn’t particularly care if it lived or died, its mission was simple after all: Kill.

And so it did.

With a singular well placed punch to the nose, the Killer felt her skull concave with a crunch. Another went to get in melee, but his ribs were completely shattered with two quick jabs. It felt itself growing increasingly heavy, sluggish. A sensation that shouldn't have been possible, even given its malnourished state. Then it realized, suddenly, obviously. Tranquilizers, nearly enough to knock out a hippo. Its body swayed and tinged with the familiar numbing sting as it slammed to the ground, arm still wrapped around a third agent's near lifeless neck.

When the Killer awoke, it found itself bound to a containment unit, senses suddenly sharpening. Its eyes darted around, scanning the room— a warehouse, almost entirely empty, except for the three men in front of the cell that housed it. It tugged at the restraints, hard, and felt a concentrated spike of electricity pulse through its veins in response; it bit back a scream.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” the man on the far left warned, approaching the containment unit, “It's synced to your biometrics, and adapted to your pain tolerances, so for both of our sakes, comply.” Director Nickolas J. Fury, the Killer recognised— this was SHIELD.

The other two men shifted uncomfortably behind Fury. “They’re just a kid, is all of this really necessary Fury?” Steve Rogers, ‘Captain America’, stood in the center, regarding it almost pitifully. That made it want to rip the man’s throat out— it was no child, it had no need for his pity.

“That ‘kid’ just killed two top tier agents in under a minute, nearly a 3rd. So yes, Steve, I consider it perfectly necessary.” Fury sighed, shaking his head. “So what are you, a Super Soldier? Alien maybe? A—” he stopped, the Killer noticed his eyes flit for a moment to the third man, James Bucannon Barnes, ‘The Winter Soldier’.

Rogers stepped forward, breaking its intense stare at Nick Fury. “Let's start with a name. I'm Steve.”

The Killer said nothing, instead shifting its gaze to Barnes. His eyes were different— not hostile, or pitiful, but with a certain mirror to its own, watching back with the same passive glare.

“Name.” Fury snapped, like its handler. The Killer slammed its whole body forwards to Fury in response, teeth bared slightly. It only wanted to give Fury a good scare, but the man didn’t even flinch. Instaid, it felt another surge of energy pulse through its whole body, until it reluctantly jerked back into position.

The Killer considered its options for a moment, the demand still swirling through its mind, heightened with anger, and twinged with primal fear. “#2647302. Sir.” The Killer spat out at Fury, to his satisfaction. Steve looked with visible concern to James Barnes.

Barnes furrowed his brow grimly, as if it just confirmed one of his theories. “I thought I—” he muttered to himself, shifting his gaze away from the Killer for a moment.

“Shit.” Steve muttered.

“I guess I knew what I was talking about after all, ‘ey Barnes? You can see why I needed you and Steve specifically then.” Fury said, a slight smug grin creeping onto his face.

“They’re only a kid.” Steve repeated, mostly to himself. Barnes placed a hand on Steve’s shoulder.

“Kid.” Barnes started, his eyes scanning the Killer intently. Not like Steve’s, not with pity, or even visible distress, but the slight uncertain shake in his voice gave his true feelings away: concern. Still, it didn’t mind Barnes. The Killer knew well of his past, his similarities to itself. He understood it. “How long have you been wandering?”

It shrugged nonchalantly; it genuinely didn’t know the answer to his question, so it wasn’t even a lie. Fury and Steve stepped back, allowing Barnes to stand directly across from it.

“How did you get out? Is there anyone following you?” Barnes asked.

It thought for a long moment, before deciding to respond. None of them were going to let it out anyway; it didn’t have much to gain from disobedience other than more pain. “They’re dead.” it responded flatly, not mentioning that it was the cause, but it sensed Barnes knew.

Steve looked to Barnes with mild surprise, likely shocked due to the fact it was giving Barnes information so easily, but Barnes kept his focus on the Killer alone, and pressed on, “Hydra?”

The Killer thought for a moment, then shook its head. Ouranos, it was called. Not affiliated with Hydra’s ideals, but leeching off of its tech and resources all the same.

Barnes sighed, not quite relieved, but it sounded like a small weight was lifted from his chest. “Are you the only one?”

The Killer froze—five words. Suddenly, a flood of memories overwhelmed the killer, and it was back to that night.

Kat was curled on the small bed of their cell, enveloped in a warm rage, their face obscured by plumes of curly, shoulder-length, ginger hair. They heard the scientists approach their cell, and glared defiantly at them with piercing, golden eyes.

“Come.” one of the scientists commanded, their current ‘handler’. Kat just snarled back at him.

“Fuck you.” They spat out with confidence, but their actions betrayed them as they pressed their back into the corner wall, already anticipating punishment.

Two guards entered the cell from out of Kat’s view. “Let’s try this again.” the handler spoke, and Kat felt a sharp pain from the chip at the back of their neck, attacking their nerves directly, causing their body to seize stiff in agony, “Come.”

Where Kat once was, all that was left was a husk, a weapon devoid of will, only to obey orders. It followed the handler without thought or protest into the training room.

“Stay.” the handler said, and so it stayed. It watched as more guards and scientists brought a second figure to the opposite end of the room. Short brown hair framed his uncannily identical face, same golden eyes, but his wide with fear. It did not show his same weakness.

The speaker system crackled to life with the voice of its handler, “New mission: Kill.”

It froze. No. Something inside it shattered as it watched the other figure back into a corner. That was- That was their brother, their twin, No! He was always so much weaker than them. Fractured memories sparked to life of them defending him with all they had. This was wrong, they wouldn’t hurt him.

“N-no” Kat fought through their own mind, the control over them breaking. They dropped their fists in defiance and hung their head. They wouldn’t kill their brother, despite everything Kat had become, that was a line they would never— could never cross. “No.”

The handler simply chuckled lightly, sending a rush of overwhelming pain to Kat that sent them crashing to the floor, screaming out in agony. But it was futile. Their handler’s voice pierced the air once more. “Kill.”

“ –re they alright? What happened?” as it faded back into consciousness, it heard Steve Rogers, standing directly in front of its containment unit, same pity filled eyes, like he was looking at a helpless animal.

Fury sighed, and the Killer swore it could see a hint of worry knit between his brows. “Get them to a room; we can finish this later.” Both Steve and Barnes nodded in response.

“Yeah. Let's go, kid.” Barnes said, as he and Steve wheeled the containment unit into a small room. There was a bed with sheets sitting in the corner, a desk with paper and a pen, and two chairs, one pushed into the desk, and one placed nearby.

“Here, this is only for the time being. There's not much in this place in terms of comfort, but you can ask if you want something.” Steve disabled the containment unit, and the… Killer? stumbled out. It looked to Barnes and Steve for a moment, analyzing how best to take them out, before it's fists just… dropped. The commanding hostility overwhelming their mind just beginning to fizzle out. It cautiously inspected the room.

“No traps, no tricks. We only want to help.” Barnes said, his eyes placed firmly on it, not quite untrusting, but cautious. That was why it didn’t seem to mind Barnes; he understood what it was capable of, though he didn’t see it as a means to an end though, unlike Fury.

“....okay..” it nodded, as it hesitantly sat on the bed, back to the wall, ready to fight if necessary.

“You look like you haven’t eaten in weeks, do you have a preference?” Steve asked, food did seem like a good idea. It shook its head; it had no preference.

“You settle in then. I’ll be back in 15 with food.” Barnes said, and the two left.

And with that it was left alone. Not really alone, it wasn’t stupid; this place had cameras and bugs galore, something, someone, watching it constantly, and it was fine with that– that wasn’t new to it in the slightest.

It… It? What was it? No longer a Killer, at least not for now. It went against programming when it chose not to attack Steve and Barnes— did it really though? It stood no chance against either of them alone, let alone together— that wasn’t against programming, just tactical decision making. If it wanted to complete its task, it needed to comply. That was why it told Barnes the truth, why it didn’t fight the two of them, not because it had any care for the inefficient, mushy part of its brain. It was designed to follow orders, to obey protocol, so that’s what it was going to do, these would just be its, albeit unorthodox, handlers. It could survive here.

It was pacing around the room, lost in thought, when a bag hit the desk. It backed immediately, instinctively, into a wall. It didn’t see anyone come in, but there Barnes was, standing there by the desk, watching it. Had it been 15 minutes? A wave of grease and salt and meat hit its nose, and its stomach betrayed it, grumbling.

“Hey.” Barnes said as he pulled out a chair and sat, sliding the other across the room to it, food-smelling bag sat neatly on top. “Eat. Didn’t know what you wanted, figured McDonalds was as good a bet as any.”

It watched Barnes, examined him, then the chair. It prodded the bag lightly with a finger, before peering in. A cardstock container of french fries, and a wrapped cylinder of what it could only assume to be a burger. The smell made its mouth water, it looked back to Barnes in hesitation.

“Go on, not like it's poisoned. Here.” He grabbed the burger from his own bag and took a bite, watching it, like that proved anything. It was starving, though, and reasonably confident in its ability to handle poisons. It took a bite of its own burger, just one. It was greasy, the product of rampant consumerism in a fast world, but god, was it amazing. It scarfed the burger down quickly, the fries quickly following.

Barnes chuckled, “You really were hungry... Have this.” he held out a cup. It examined his every move, looking for tricks. Nothing. It slowly, tentatively stalked across the room to inspect it, before snatching the cup and backing away. It was cold, and smelled of sweet milk and chocolate. It took a small sip, a milkshake, sweet and rich and fantastic.

“I-” it started, trying to remember how best to string its words together, “Thanks…” It chugged the cold chocolaty drink without hesitation as its body eased, allowing its back to slide down the wall to sit, watching Barnes as a slight smile appeared across his face.

“Yeah. Don’t mention it kid.” he said, eating his own food.

It thought for a moment in silence, watching Barnes, analyzing him. “About-” it sucked in a quick breath, “About what you said earlier…” it shifted uncomfortably. It wasn’t meant to speak this much. It was to carry out orders, not to converse with its captors, not to thank them, and certainly not to give out classified information. If these were to be its handlers, however, it supposed it was fine— and so it carried on, “About the others… I- He’s-” it couldn’t go on, couldn’t push a note from its suddenly heavy chest, feeling dread deep in its stomach, “Gone.” it pushed through in a ragged voice, “He’s gone.”

Barnes gave an empathetic look. It didn’t have the energy to get mad at his pity, instead choosing to curl in a defensive ball, pulling its knees up to its chest. “Hey,” he dropped down to the floor, meeting it at eye level, “hey, hey, hey, don’t push yourself. Okay kid?”

The world got foggy around it, spinning, but it nodded.

It could tell he was new to this whole consoling thing. It didn’t suit his hardened eyes and passive mild grimace, but he tried anyway. “I have a… a friend. He might be able to help you. Not Steve, someone else. But-...” Barnes sighed, “But he helped me, he can help you too.” His piercing eyes never strayed from its, and it mirrored his stare, allowing him to pull it in like a lifeline. With the way he was looking at it though, its face must have looked less like the hardened stare it intended, and more like a deer in headlights. That’s what it felt like, at least.

The PA system flickered on with the sound of Fury’s voice, “Don’t bother. He’s already on the way.” It jumped slightly at the sudden noise. Something in Barnes visibly loosened, he relaxed in his spot slightly, now fully sitting on the floor, opposite to it.

The two sat in silence for a few long moments, it wasn’t sure how long. Barnes said nothing, but with his hands to accentuate, he began breathing deliberately. His perfectly even breath slowed, and it followed suit.

The PA system eventually flickered back on with the sound of Fury’s voice, it didn’t jump. “He’s here, Barnes. Get them in cuffs and escort them to interrogation room B.”

Barnes nodded, “Yeah.” He stood, and grabbed cuffs from outside of the room, and slowly, deliberately, walked to it. “You ready?” It nodded, and Barnes crouched down to put them on. It didn’t fight his touch, or the cuffs, its arms going limp in his hands as he put them on and helped it to its feet. “lets go” he said, his voice softer than before. It followed as Barnes led him down corridors, to a discreet interrogation room. Barnes was clearly taking it down the scenic route, avoiding the crowded pathways, though it was unsure if that was for its own sake, or the protection of the staff. It fought its urge to attack the few they did pass, quite glad to avoid the crowds of agents with guns and tense spiteful stares.

Barnes entered the room, and it followed. It recognized the man across the table as Sam Wilson, ‘The Falcon’. It sat down opposite of him, watching him. Sam smiled lightly, likely in some attempt to get it to drop its guard. “You sure they’re not a clone? They’ve got the whole brooding glare down to a T,” he said, as shooed Barnes away half-heartedly, “Fury debriefed me; I can take it from here.”

Barnes nodded. “I’ll be outside.” and he left, leaving it alone with Wilson, well, Wilson, and the cameras, and hidden microphones, and what was clearly a one way mirror.

“Hey, I’m Sam. How are you feeling?” His eyes were steady, but… soft. His voice unwavering, but also caring, it was warm. It thought for a long moment, not quite sure if it should respond, or even how. It wasn’t supposed to feel at all. It just shrugged. “That’s okay, you have something I can call you?” Again? It didn’t see why names were so necessary, they only served as distractions.

It was silent for a long moment, analyzing Sam’s every movement for possible threat, nothing. “#2647302, Sir.” It said, flatly.

Sam nodded with a sigh, “You’re no joke then, real ‘Winter Soldier’ type.” he lowered his guard, deliberately, but it didn’t take the opening to attack, “You’re safe here. Whatever happened out there, whatever mess you left behind, it can’t get you here.” He paused, giving it room to speak if it needed, but it only nodded, silent.

“I can work with nods, if that’s all you can do. Fury tells me though that you spoke in full sentences to Bucky on multiple occasions, is there a reason for that?”

It thought for a while, debating whether or not it should speak at all. “....Barnes is… different… I- I didn’t like Fury.. He gave me orders. Steve looked at me like I was wounded, I didn’t like that either…” it trailed off, every syllable feeling forced and deliberate, “You… I guess you seem fine..”

“You talk” he grinned lightly, it didn’t mind his casual attitude, preferred it, honestly. His voice was warm, easy to talk to, easy to listen, “This is good, it’s progress. I’m glad you feel like you can talk to me, it’ll go a long way. Let’s expand on some of that, what about the way Steve looked at you made you upset?”

It shrugged, thought for a moment. “I-...” it breathed in deeply, almost in preparation, “I don’t like being pitied.”

Sam nodded, “Okay, good. Expand on that, why?”

“Why?..” it puzzled, why was that? When did it start? “...I- I’m not something that should be pitied, empathized with. I-... I’m not… human… anymore.”

Sam raises his eyebrows “Not human? Did someone tell you that, or did you come to that conclusion on your own?” Sam asked on, it… never thought about it before, just a statement of fact.

It shrugged “I-... I’ve ki-” it breathed in, breath suddenly ragged, “I’ve done a lot of bad things, r-really bad.” panic surged through its veins, heart rate quickened as it felt its body shake. Stop it stop it stop it stop it, don’t think, don’t feel, don’t let yourself feel weak. The world swirled around it, threatening to swallow it whole.

“Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay, you’re not there anymore. None of what you did was your fault, okay? Stay with me, listen to my voice, come back.” his voice was warm and smooth, like the stone brick fireplace they once loved to get absorbed in. What? How do they- How does it remember? Still, it was enough to pull it back into its body, its eyes refocusing, it was here.

“I want you to do something for me, take a deep breath in, focus on something you can taste.” Sam said in a warm even voice. Taste? It took a deep breath, milk, or, the aftertaste of it at least, the salt of the fries. “Did you do that? Take another breath, now what you can smell.” it took another breath. The air was stale, but- but it smelled the faintness of an air freshener in the air, the world slowed its spin. “That’s good, take another, what can you hear?” It heard Sam’s warm voice, that was easy, it heard the clicking of footsteps distantly outside, it took another breath, “Take another, touch next, what do you feel?” It felt the cold, hard chair it sat in, it felt the cuffs around its wrists, it took a breath. “Finally, what do you see” it focused its eyes, the room no longer spun, it was back, it was there.

“You.” it said, now focusing on slowing its breathing, syncing it with Sam’s. It was okay, it was okay.

Sam nodded, a slight relieved smile on his face. “Good.” he let it take a break for a moment to breathe, “That was a grounding exercise, okay? When you feel in your own head, you can use it to help regain awareness of your surroundings.”

“......sorry..” it whispered to it, tensed up slightly. It let itself be weak, made him have to help it.

“Don’t apologize, you have nothing to apologize for, okay?” he stopped to let the words sink in. “We can be done if you need, a lot has happened today.” It only nodded, staring at the table, then up to Sam. Sam gave it a comforting look in return, “Okay, I’ll give you a moment to breathe, and then we can call in Bucky to take you back to your room, does that sound good?”

“yeah.” It nodded, tried its best to reflect his warm eyes back, though even it knew just it came off as a glare.

Sam left, and after a few long moments, Barnes came back in, it nodded to him in silent recognition and stood, a hint of a softness flickered on Barnes’s face. “Let’s go.” And so they left. The walk back was nicer, there were less people, sure, but even the ones it did come across it was put less on edge by; though, they were certainly put on edge by the two of them. Barnes allowed the two of them to linger by windows when he saw it looking out of one, though they said next to nothing to each other until they reached its room. It was… really nice, actually.

When they reached its room and went inside, Barnes took off its cuffs, and handed it a candy bar. “From Steve. Heard you liked the fast food, was his idea in the first place, so, more junk food." It inspected the wrapper, Hershey's milk chocolate. It unwrapped the bar and bit down, it tasted like heaven. It scarfed the bar down, the corners of its mouth pulling into something of a smile, or at the very least a fond expression. Barnes chuckled lightly, “I’ll tell him to keep the sweets coming.”

It wiped the corners of its mouth with the corner of its sleeve. “Tell him… thanks, and-... and that I’m sorry. For being an ass.” it looked away.

Barnes nodded with a slight smile. “Yeah. ‘Course.” he motioned over to its bed, “Get sleep, if you can.”

It nodded as it sat on its bed, “Yeah, okay.” As Barnes left, it buried itself in sheets and pillows, more than enough to fully cover itself, it was the most blankets and pillows it had ever remembered having. Sleep didn’t come easy for it, it never did, but through some mix of days worth of fatigue, and the soft warmness of the bed, it eventually fell asleep.

Kat looked around, they were in a forest, soft soil and mosses hugged their bare feet, their hands caked in mud. They recognised this place, though they were unsure from where, with their mind and memories so scrambled. They walked, letting their subconscious mind take over, the chilled winds hugging their skin, blowing back curly orange locks from their face. They felt calm here, safe. A part of them missed this, the part of them that remembered what ‘this’ was in the first place, they assumed. It was… nice, though, not feeling the constant rush of energy through their veins, no adrenaline pulsing through their brain. They heard the babbling of a stream, and something in them compelled them to walk towards it, it was only then when they saw- it… it was home. They couldn’t remember, but something inside of them longed for the oak cabin they saw, just past the flowing stream. Something inside of them compelled them to rush for the front door, dashing across the stream without caution as warm soles met frigid water. Their mind ached with feelings of home, eager to return to their old life. They flung open the door, warm grin ot the- No. Nononononononono, stop, this isn’t right.

As the door opened, it was instead their cell that met them on the other side. Kat tried to run, of course they did, but there were guards on either side of them. They pushed back, tried to fight, but they couldn’t, not with that damned chip in their neck, as it sent a paralyzingly sharp pain directly to their nerves that made their whole body give out, as guards threw them to the wall of their cell.

They got up quicker than they should have, only spent a few grueling minutes writhing in pain before they could finally move, only a few more before they were on their feet, dizzy with the sound of their heartbeat pounding in their chest, blood rushing in their ears. The sickeningly familiar feeling of power rushing through their veins ever present. “DAMMIT!” they screamed out, the beginnings of furious tears hot in their eyes, before a guard banged on their cell door.

“Shut the fuck up! Before I come in there and make you.” The guard threatened from outside their cell.

“Not back here, please not back here.” They lowered their voice to a panicked whisper, searching around the room for their stashed fragments of tech, they almost had enough to make a full keycard, they’d been teaching themself how, maybe, just maybe, they could make their escape. But where the bits of tech should have been, there were only sticky notes, perfectly identical smiles on each of them, a cruel joke of their subconscious mind. They never made that keycard, never got the chance to escape.

“Someone wants to meet you.” a cruel voice said, their past handler, as 4 guards entered their cell. Memories flooded through their mind.

“No no no no no please, not today.” they slammed their back to the wall, attempting to gain enough force to break the chip off and fight their way out, “GET ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING DREAM!” they screamed, their voice going rasp, “LET ME THE FUCK OUT!” The undamaged chip on their neck released a sharp pain that flooded their senses, left them buckling to the floor, allowing the guards to take him easily.

“She doesn’t like waiting, you know.” the handler said with a snarl as the 4 guards dragged their limp body from the room. No, please, anyone but her. They tried to scream, to run, to fight, but they couldn’t move their fragile, heavy body as they were dragged into another room and thrown to the floor. On the other half of the room was a tall woman with a stone cold expression that radiated total authority. Nonononononononono- They couldn’t- not this again.

A cold hand brushed its shoulder, causing it to bolt up immediately. Fear and delirium clouded its senses as it blindly attacked the figure full force, until a cold hand caught its fist. Barnes. Its eyes darted frantically across his form, he was calm, deliberate. Barnes’s piercing eyes stared sharp and unchanging, until it finally dropped its fist, its surroundings still swirling around them. “I-” its voice hitched in a shaky breath, “I didn’t-” it fought with its own body to get a word out, its breaths ragged and uneven. Barnes began breathing deliberately, his flesh hand subtly illustrating the way his chest moved up and down on rhythm, it attempted to follow suit. “I was there.” it stated, trying its best to steel its voice.

“I know.” Barnes nodded, as he sat down beside the bed. It thought for a moment, head still spinning, before joining him on the floor, legs tucked tightly to its chest.

The two sat in silence for a few long moments as its spinning mind became reality. It focused on its breath, and Barnes’s, as it sat there, allowing the silent calmness to pull it back in like a lifeline. “Why are you here?” it looked to Barnes, methodical in everything he did, but… warm– in a way it had never seen him before.

Barnes met its eyes in a shrug, “Would they send a regular person to interrupt the nightmare of a dangerously unstable super soldier?”

It looked away with a small chuckle, “No.” it thought for a moment, eyes glued to the floor. “How do you…” it cut itself off briefly, struggling to find the words, “Do you have them– Nightmares? Ghosts.” it of course knew of the Winter Soldier, more than it would prefer to let on. Hydra was the one to commision its own creation, a backup for if it- if he was ever put out of commission, or more likely, if Hydra fell apart from the inside, and the buyer found himself on the wrong end of the Winter Soldiers barrel. That is all to say it was given detailed files on the Winter Soldier, and the Avengers, and it knew all about the ‘Bucky Barnes’ sat silently next to it, what they did to him, the atrocities he’d committed. How was it he could live such a normal life with these Avengers, how was it he found the strength to sleep at ni-

“Yeah,” Barnes’ voice cut through its stream of thoughts as he turned to it, its eyes flit up to meet him. His eyes were softer, his expression of genuine empathy. “I do. But you learn to be more than the ghosts. You find people, people who drive you to be more than what they made you. ‘One foot in front of the other.’” he placed a hand gently on its shoulder, it didn’t flinch. “You’ll be alright.” he gives a comforting smile, warm, in a way he’d only shown glimpses of before, the coldness knit into his features gone. This was not the Winter Soldier, hadn’t been for a long time. A part of it envied him for it, his ability to move on; It hoped he was right.

As Barnes finally left the room, sleep came easier to it. It found itself drifting off not back into another nightmare, but comforting silence. Barnes’ words echoed through its mind like silent promises for better days to come, and oddly, it found itself believing him. It smiled.

The coming weeks were a blur to it as it became more acclimated to life there. It met with Sam almost daily, it went in for a physical check up it hated, but they had to monitor the long term effects of its modifications. Bucky, Steve, and Sam became regular figures in its new life, Bucky providing practical stability, and Sam giving it a place to process its emotions. It was more hesitant with Steve, Sam had said they both had ‘warring personalities’, which just meant it got along with him like oil and water, but Steve kept trying to branch out, and in turn, it lowered its hostility to him.

It wasn’t allowed outside of its room without Barnes or Steve as a safety precaution, but it decided that was fine. This facility remained infinitely better than anything Ouranos had done for it, so it mirrored that with good behavior, following their orders without complaint. It had even picked up on whispers of transferring it to less strict containment, under supervision, of course.

Steve came into its room with a knock, it was time for it to meet with Sam again. “Hey kid, you ready to go?” he threw it a Reese’s, a personal favorite. Sam said it was good to have opinions, and in its opinion, Reese’s were a gift to the world.

It eagerly tore open the packaging as it nodded, and followed Steve out. “Where’s Barnes?” it asked, before shoving the peanut butter cup into its mouth. He was usually here, with Steve. The two were close –Steve and Barnes– and it didn’t often see the two apart for long.

“He’s out on a mission, sorry kid.” Steve said as they both walked, a slight frown tugged at its lips. Another opinion began to form, it liked Barnes. “Aw, chin up, Buck ’ll be back before you know it.”

It nodded, “I know.” It paused, and offered Steve the other peanut butter cup, a silent peace offering. “...Here.” a wide smile spread across Steve’s face in response. That kind of openness tended to piss it off, it still did, but it managed not to recoil– Sam said it needed to allow others to show care for it. It didn’t quite enjoy others treating it like anything other than the weapon it was designed to be, but Sam said that was a necessary step in ‘regaining their humanity’. It trusted Sam, however, and so it complied begrudgingly.

Steve must have noticed the change in its demeanor, because his warm excitement softened slightly. “Thank you.”

It nodded, fiddling with the wrapper in its hands. It no longer needed the cuffs, the blind aggression from when it was the Killer having mostly subsided, but it still noticed how both Barnes and Steve would take it down routes with the least foot traffic, and would tense up when it was near unfamiliar people. It was warranted, of course; even if it no longer desired to kill them, it could see the way it made others react, and it would not lie and say it didn’t plan the ways it could take them all out, if given the order.

Steve stopped when they approached the door, as it stood in attention behind him. “This is your stop.” he joked, but it only nodded as it entered the interrogation room.

Sam sat casually at the table, “Ah, kid, glad you could make it.” it glided into the seat across from him with a quiet grace. “Have you thought about what I said about that name? It would be a big step in allowing yourself to reclaim a sense of identity” he said, his demeanor warm and welcoming. Sam had the unique ability to shift the energy of the room to match his disposition, the harsh metals and cameras softening in his presence as it adjusted lightly in its seat.

It thought for a moment, before shaking its head, “It’s… It’s hard. Seeing myself like that… Like a person.” It looked down to its hands, flexing them lightly. It thought about how quickly Fury had allowed it to walk cuffless. He said it was because they were unnecessary, that both Steve and Barnes could take it out if the need araised, but it knew it was because Sam said it would help it in recovery. It was more surprised to see Fury agree so easily, having that kind of threat loose. In even the simplest of terms it was a bio-weapon, and not one even Fury seemed keen on utilizing– not yet, at least. “It’s just hard.”

Sam nodded, knowingly. “Your identity has been a loaded topic since you came here, it’s alright to have difficulty unpacking it on your own. Do you want to finally talk about it?”

It paused for a long moment, before nodding slightly, “Okay.” it took a deep breath in, almost mentally readying itself, “How?”

His expression softened with understanding as he spoke, “We can start wherever. What is it specifically that makes seeing yourself like a person so hard? Did you always see yourself like that? Really, it can be anything.” he said, offering potential jumping off points in his same welcoming, fire-warm voice.

It took a moment to steel itself, before starting hesitantly “I… I wasn’t always like… this.” it gestured vaguely to itself, what it was made, what it had become, “I remember… a forest, and a cabin… My house, I think.”

“Right, from those recurring dreams you’ve been having?” he asked, his expression thoughtful, and with a comforting warmness, urging it to continue.

It nodded slightly, “I remember-...” it stopped, briefly choked, but it pushed through. “My brother.” Kit. The world fogged around it as its mind began to spiral, it could feel its body begin to shake as its eyes unfocused. It gripped its forearms tightly, trying desperately to pull itself back in. “Whoever I was- They could never have done what I have.” it choked out, eyes hot with the threat of tears.

“Hey,” he started, voice filling with alarm as he leaned in, “Hey hey hey, stay with me, listen to my voice”

It tried to focus on his voice, to reel itself in, but the words kept pouring out. “I killed him.” it whispered, before repeating again, louder, “I killed him. And I- I can’t even remember it.” How could it call itself his sibling after that, how could it even be his sibling after that. Kit was gone, along with every other helpless soul they’d ever pitted it against. It always told itself it was just survival, but not when it was fighting its own brother.

Sam placed a hand firmly on its shoulder, “That wasn’t your choice, you can’t hold yourself responsible for what they made you do.” he said firmly, warmness radiating from him. They were words he had told it many times before, but they never felt real to it.

“One minute, I hear the order, the command. Kill. And the next-” in paused, throwing its arms out in furious anguish, “Im outside of the facility, blood on my hands— …There was no one left in that thing.”

He paused, his voice softening to a whisper, “It wasn’t your fault.” his voice was warm and comforting, but it wasn’t enough to pull it from its own spiraling mind.

“I’m not human anymore, not after that. I’m a weapon.” it paused, its demeanor softening as it quieted, “I’m a monster.” it looked away from Sam, instead pinning its eyes to the table. It was true, it was set to become Ouranos’ prized weapon, and it was good at it.

“Hey. Don’t think like that, don’t get caught up in it.” he responded firmly, squeezing its shoulder reassuringly, “You’re not a weapon, and you’re not a monster, okay?” in his voice it could tell he believed it, if only it could have that same faith in itself.

“You don’t know that.” it snapped back, “You haven’t seen the things I’ve done. I’m sure every other experiment I was pitted against thought I was one, I’m sure Kit-” it stopped, quieting, “.... no. He didn’t, he never would’ve….”

Sam eased his hand off of Kat’s shoulder, “You were just a kid in a fucked up situation, don’t put the blame on yourself. You have a choice now, kid. You get to decide what you do next, and you know what?” it looked up to meet his eyes, but said nothing, so he continued, “Here, let’s back up a bit. Do you remember last week, when you snapped at Steve? Said he was ‘just a piece of shit with a hero complex, and if he was so desperate to save everyone, fly-’”

“‘Another plane into an iceberg to save everyone from his bullshit’, you really know how to make me feel better.” it grimaced. It was the only time it had heard Fury genuinely laugh, but it had firmly decided that wasn’t a good thing. It remembered how overwhelmed it felt, how hurt Steve looked.

“I’m not finished, do you remember what happened after? You felt so bad, you worried to Bucky that Steve would be too mad to even go near you again. And you know what you did after? You apologized. Would a monster really do that?” he asked, and his logic was flawed, but it understood what Sam was saying.

“What are you-” it started, brows furrowing in what could almost be confusion. “That- That doesn’t-”

“Kid.” Sam said firmly, cutting it off, “You are hurt, your past is messy, but you are not their weapon anymore, and you are not a monster. You got that?” his eyes were completely genuine, but with an underlying firmness and what could almost be urgency.

“You really believe that.” it stated, and it was a fact, Sam clearly did. The room fell into silence for a long moment, before it broke the silence, “What am I then to you? What is it you see in me?”

Sam chuckled slightly, but his warm voice remained genuine, “Well let me see. You’re smart, you’re witty, you’ve got one hell of a sweet tooth.” he paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts, “I see a 16 year old kid, who went through too much, too young. I see a kid who’s been hurt more times than they can count, but they’re strong, they’ve had to be their whole life.” he paused again, sighing. “You’re broken, kid, and you’re only now learning how to pick up the pieces.” he places a comforting hand on its arm.

The two sat in silence for a long while after that as Kat took it all in. It supposed that could all be considered true, but after everything it had done, how was it ever supposed to see itself as anything other than the monster that killed its brother.

“My name… before everything, it was Kat.” it looked away with a slight smile, “Kit and I were too small to remember our real ones… they took away everything from our past, you know? So we made new ones.” it chuckled as it remembered back to the years before they were separated. Kit would always joke and laugh through it all, figuring out all the ways to break the rules in new and creative ways. He’d even smuggled in sweets a couple times for the two of them— until he was taken. “Kit-Kat.” it snorted lightly, “Sort of silly, isn’t it? But Kit always knew how to joke like that.”

Sam smiled slightly, “That’s really sweet. You two were really close, weren’t you?” he asked. Close was an understatement for the two of them, at least when they were together. Kit was its twin, they were inseparable— well, poor choice of words, it supposed. They were separated, and spent over 6 years apart, and then— it didn’t want to think about that right now.

“Yeah… I mean, he’s my– he was my twin. He was my best friend.” it looked away as tears filled its eyes. It had no right to call him that, it had no right to be Kat. “I–” it choked, “How could I still be Kat? How could they do something like that to him?”

Sam paused thoughtfully before responding, “That’s not an uncommon way to process grief and trauma, especially given your circumstances.” he said, it could tell he was treading lightly, but he spoke with such comforting certainty, that it was hard not to trust in him. “Your past doesn’t define you, you don’t have to let Ouranos, or anyone else define you. You can be someone new in spite of them, whether that’s Kat, or someone else entirely.”

“Corny.” it retorted, eyes glinting with humor. It sat with his words for it doesn’t know how long. It wanted to be more than a weapon– hell, just wanting proved that it was. “I- I want to be what you see in me. I don’t want to be a weapon anymore.” it looked away, but in it was a certain resolve.

“Well then, that settles it. Who do you want to be then?” Sam’s voice was oddly prideful, prideful in it; he was proud of it.

It thought about his question, it remembered the way Kit always looked at it, from back when they were kids in the forest, he looked up to them. He thought it was so strong even then, but it was weak without him. In the facility he was what kept it going, kept Kat going, and when they took him away it nearly broke. When he came back it had changed, became something violent and unrecognizable, but Kit still looked at it like it was strong, like there was something more inside of it, something warm like before. “He saw me as strong and warm even when Ouranos controlled me. He was wrong though, he was always the stronger of us.” it smirked, but it only felt a melancholy sadness, “I want to be the person he saw in me, even when I’m not sure a person was there. I want to be Kat.”

ANYWAYS I have more technically, but I write mainly on paper. Also Im sry google doc to tumblr translation is a pain in the ass so some of the italics and formatting might be fucked

#yall I rlly don’t expect this to take off #but I am having SO MUCH FUN writing #this fic is literally my baby #this whole character honestly #i have so much planned #mcu #fanfic #oc #mcu oc #oc fanfiction #marvel #bucky barnes #sam wilson #steve rogers #._. plz talk to me I love yapping abt them #💀💀💀

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