#oliver parter

[carmyberzattosjournal]

Entry 17: A Man Possessed

GIF credit: @maikswen

Bearblr Promptober Day 17: Dumbification (Sub: Clueless)

Summary: Carmy has girlfriend (who he calls Darling) brainworms again, and he's even more of a disaster this time. (Or: the time Carmy had to leave work to go rail his girl)

Warnings: Smut, swearing, p in v sex, unprotected sex (she has an IUD but Carmy's not writing that in his journal), Dom/Sub dynamic, calling Carmy "sir", hair pulling, obsessed thoughts, mild spiraling, fem reader/rando lass who is a trauma surgeon, she/her pronouns.

Notes: All journal entries will be titled as such and tagged with #cb journal.

Thank you for reading. Thank you to @carmenberzattosgf for putting together this prompt list.

If you want to keep following this set of works, you can follow the #cb journal tag.

Sideblog for commentary and yapping: @m-z-shoroi

This is is a two-parter. The first part is here.

Also, if random letters or words are black/white instead of the colors they should be, that's Tumblr being dumb, I've been fighting it for days.

17 Oct 2024

I handled the second incident of Darling invading my brain much worse than the first.

I couldn’t fucking focus for five fucking minutes on anything. I was pissed off at life two minutes after opening, worse so when the place looked a fucking mess from the night before. Assholes couldn’t even clean up after themselves. I don’t even know how many times I lost track of what I was doing or why because my mind went to Darling instead of staying at The Bear. Here she was, burying her face in my t-shirt again, letting out that delicious sigh, the curve of her hip still visible under the blankets, and I wanted so badly to just grab her. To squeeze her flesh in my hands, dig my fingers into the round of her ass, to drown in her soft skin and her wet kisses to my throat. I wanted to bite her. I didn’t even know what to do with that—I just wanted to sink my teeth into the inside of her thigh before soothing her by putting my mouth to use elsewhere. Why? For what purpose? How does that make sense?

Syd must’ve noticed that I was off because she started helping with cleaning—didn’t even try to talk to me. I hate that, by the way; hate when I’m so far away that people don’t even find words worth giving me. I might not talk much, but if people don’t talk to me, I start feeling like a bug on the window; tiny, inconvenient, gross, unwanted, easily forgotten until I make an irritating sound.

I had to step out in the middle of cleaning—I hadn’t even gotten to prep yet, that’s how bad it was—and I found myself dragging my hand over the side of my neck and my throat. My heart throbbed with such violence that I wanted it to escape so I’d stop being harassed by it. My hands trembled, breaths got erratic. I heard her voice again, telling me to breathe, to find sounds around me, but it came through as static. The apple leaf adagio, the skittering of dried maple leaves, her body fits so perfectly in my hands, strawberry lip balm, what’s not to love? Fuck, that feels good, Carmy. More of that, pretty boy.

Pretty boy.

Please call me pretty boy again, I’m begging you.

I struggled to make it through the rest of prep. I’m fairly sure Sydney figured out I was that same sort of fucked up again because she didn’t wait for me to fuck up a count or fail to give directions before taking over the reigns of the kitchen. I turned into a line cook, just mindlessly doing what was asked of me because it’s what I knew I could do without making a worse mess, and she had the rest under control.

Syd always had it under control; I was the one out of control.

Once again, near dinner service, just when I thought I’d be fine, I cracked under the pressure. I had stepped out to get a break from the relentless heat of the kitchen, try to get some air that wasn’t saturated with the aromas of food (it sounds nice, but trust me, when you’re hour 10 into inhaling sautéed onions, confit garlic, vinegar, cumin, black pepper, olive oil, it gets so deep into your lungs that you feel like you might cough up a prime rib steak). The snap of cold air on my face shattered the dam keeping any assertion of reality in check, and I was inundated with this… how do I even describe it? It wasn’t quite rage, but it wasn’t far from it. Like I needed Darling. I needed her so badly that if I didn’t have her, I was going to break something.

Possessed? Was I a man possessed?

I had this crawling sensation, yeah? Not quite like ants on my skin; the feeling was bigger, coarser. It started in my back, spread to my shoulders, blazed down my arms, into my hands. I clenched and relaxed my fists, trying to ward it off, but when that did nothing—and it did precisely nothing—I rubbed hard over my arms, dug my short fingernails into my skin in some faint approximation of what Darling’s nails felt like. When I thought about doing it again, even harder, hard enough to draw blood if I had to, I knew I was fucked.

I bailed on the kitchen staff again, but something tells me they would’ve hated me being there anyway.

“Sweetheart? You’re home early, what’s going on?”

She’s on the couch fiddling with yarn—I think it’s crochet? Or is it knitting? I don’t know the difference—and has the 2005 Pride and Prejudice on in the background at a low volume. I don’t even know if she can hear it with how quiet it is. I throw off my jacket, and that’s enough for her to figure out something is wrong. She puts the yarn thing on the arm of the couch and unfolds her legs to get up, but I can’t, okay, I cannot.

“No, you stay there.” I’m sorry, did I just tell her what to do? Who the fuck am I?

She froze and leveled a look at me that I can only describe as a deer in headlights. Entirely confused. Clueless. Maybe even scared.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?” It’s tiny. High in her throat.

She follows my face with those big eyes as I approach. It’s weird that it didn’t bother me then. It bothers me now, thinking about it, that she was probably confused as all hell and I should’ve stopped to talk to her, but clearly, I was on one. Or something. That crawling sensation was worse, and overwhelmed by the need, the sheer fucking need to taste her. Taste that strawberry lip balm, lap at her tongue, to occupy my mouth with soft, warm wetness. Fuck me, she was wearing my t-shirt, too.

She squeaked in surprise when I crashed our lips together. Immediately shot her hand to my forearm when one of mine blanketed over her throat. The other seized a fistful of her hair, and she grabbed at my wrist. Probably startled. It bothers me that I didn’t care at the time.

“Open,” I growled.

She obeyed immediately, relented control to let me explore her mouth, and wove her hands into my hair. Fucking hell, I needed that. I was starved of her, plagued with memories of her taste for 10 entire fucking hours—fuck I needed her, all of her, I needed her hands under my skin, goddammit. I pushed her down onto the couch, wrenched her knees apart, and settled between them. She tugged my hair in surprise and then coiled her legs around me.

“Pull harder.”

“Harder? Carmy—”

I used my grip on her hair to tip her head back and aim a glare at her. “I said pull. Fucking. Harder.”

She whimpered and did what I asked. My eyes drifted shut against my will at the tension on my hair—not painful, a sort of raw pleasurable that only pain could seem to bring in that moment. It was too fucking warm. It was boiling again. Why is it always so fucking warm? It was almost as if she could hear my thoughts because she yanked my shirt up and off. I went right back to attacking her with kisses. She hooked a leg high up on my waist and tightened it—have I mentioned how fucking strong she is? College soccer player. She’s really fucking strong.—and it was enough to trigger the ache in my back and force me to pause for a moment with my lips at her neck.

“Carmy,” she gasped, “tell me where your head is, sweetheart.”

Her sounding breathless shouldn’t���ve made me feel powerful.

I yanked off her shirt. May have torn a hook off her bra when I wrested it off her. Whatever, I’d buy her a new one.

“Carmy, I need you to talk—” I cut her off with more fervent kisses. She patted my chest, squeezed her legs again. “Hey, pretty boy.”

That got me to freeze and meet her gaze. She rubbed small circles over my chest.

“Hi… hi, sweetheart.”

“Couldn’t—” Fuck me, I could barely think. “Couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

Her confusion was replaced with a wide-eyed expression.

I ducked down to continue that hickey on her neck. I needed to leave some kind of mark on her. What the hell was going on with me? She trailed a hand down my abdomen and rested it on the bulge in my pants. Took her about two heartbeats to start fumbling with my fly. This wave of cool relief washed over me—don’t know what or why it was about—but it was brief, just a momentary breather in the flames of arousal consuming me. She got me free of my pants and underwear, kissed my temple.

“That better, hm?” Was she really trying to soothe me right now?

Did she not see the animal trying not to devour her?

It occurs to me now that I might’ve genuinely scarred her when I stared her down in response. She froze, searched my face, darted her gaze between my mouth and my eyes repeatedly. Had shaky, jerky movements when trying to shove off her sweatpants. It was odd that she wasn’t speaking. She tends to talk. Her voice is pretty soothing, honestly. At first, something of a regular check in and reassurance for me to know that I wasn’t fucking up, but now a familiar, comfortable, soothing riff in the soundtrack of our lives together. Of course, at the time, I didn’t register any of this because I just needed to be inside her already.

She tensed up when I hiked her leg up my side. Babbled frantically into my mouth, “C-Carmy? Carmy, be gentle. Please be gentle—oh fuck!”

How gentle do you think a wild animal can be, baby girl?

She was unimaginably tight but also impossibly wet. My head spun and it took every last frayed fiber of wherewithal to not immediately sink into her cunt as deep as I could. Forget thinking straight, forget thinking about anything other than the tight, wet heat enveloping my dick. I was pussy drunk already, and I just barely got started.

She dug her nails into my back, had one hand on my abdomen digging into my muscle. “Baby! Baby, please, slow down… fuck, that’s so good, but please—”

“You can take it,” I snarled into her ear.

She took a second, but then withdrew the hand pushing on me and busied it with my hair instead. Mumbled a small, “Y-yes, sir.”

Sir?

She moaned something of a pitiful sound when I got to work. Whatever that version of me was, it wasn’t gentle, but she didn’t seem to care. She hiked her leg up higher when I hit her deep, begged for more, clung to me tighter when I sunk my teeth into her shoulder and did just that, mumbled praises in my ear as I relentlessly fucked her through her orgasm. Good boy; that’s it, you’re making me feel so good; fuck, baby, I’m so full; I can take more, keep going. It crossed the rat’s nest of busted wires in my brain further. All I can remember is this raw, unfiltered, white-hot pleasure burning a chasm into my core, this tension winding so tight I couldn’t get enough air in. Braided steel cable creaking under a construction load? How do I describe this? Tightening rubber band? No.

Sinew tensioning as a dull knife dug into it. That’s an apt descriptor. Like with the ice cubes in the kitchen that first time. Only all-consuming, raw, visceral, centered on her—her scent, her heat, her strained breaths, her wetness, her taste. 

I hid my face in the crook of her neck when I was right on the edge.

Her lips brushed my ear. Her voice was strained but still the same kind of soothing to my soul. “Come on, sweetheart. Let go… Cum, pretty boy…”

I clutched her like a drowning man when my orgasm finally hit me. It knocked the air out of my lungs, killed a scream in my throat, set off a thrumming sound in my ears, first bathed me in flames and then abruptly flooded ice water through my veins. My abdomen screamed from how violently it spasmed, the muscles in my back seized up. Everything stopped. Everything—never in my life had my entire existence been so blank, so empty, so quiet, so at peace. I might even have blacked out for a bit (or my memory is just as shit as it’s always been) because the next thing I remember is slow, gentle caresses over my face, neck, chest, shoulder, then back up to my face to repeat the circuit. Her lips pressed to my hairline at intervals. My eyelashes brushed her neck while I tried to blink the cobwebs away.

“You with me, sweetheart?”

Nope. Not even close. I don’t even know what planet I’m on right now.

She smoothed my sweaty hair back off my face. Planted another kiss to my temple. “That’s okay. You’re safe. Take your time.”

This is going too well, right? She’s too perfect. God’s a sadist; that other shoe is going to return from orbit, and because I am willing to give my whole being to this woman, it will kill me. This love will kill me.

[devilfic]

❝small favor❞

V. the christmas special.

parts: previously / next plot: it's the most beautiful time of the year. pairing: mcu!peter parker x gn!reader. cw: christmas shenanigans, alcohol mentions, harry gets drunk for norman osborn related reasons, peter is a little ball of anxiety because he likes you, can I share with you what jobs I think ned and mj got after graduation. words: 8.4k.

a/n: this was gonna be a two-parter but I thought. no. so instead it's just super long :D

Peter has started visiting more.

There were the surprise visits on weekends. Something was just too important to wait a week, and too important to give you a call, and you liked that he made a note of bringing you food for the trouble. Then he was popping in on Wednesday nights—sometimes Friday mornings—because he'd forgotten to tell you this or he just couldn't wait to tell you that.

And he has texting you more, too. Not super serious things either, and after a few days of it, you had worked the fight or flight reaction to his ringtone out of your system. At some point, you had started feeling like this was becoming... a genuine friendship.

"I mean... I... yeah. We talked about it, didn't we?" Peter stops pouring, brownie batter dribbling off the lip of the bowl, "Friends. I- I think of you as a friend. If you think of me... as a friend."

You gnaw on your pen as you study him. It's another weekend surprise visit, and this time he's brought you boxed brookie batter as an olive branch. You'd actually been busy this time, and so you'd put him to work baking it while you made your vacation list, "It's just... crazy. I mean, we went from being strangers to only seeing each other once a week—purely professionally—and now you bake me things. And we hang out."

"What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing! It's just weird," he continues to pour as you talk, "I used to see you as this unattainable hero. I couldn't believe you trusted me, felt comfortable enough to tell me your name, to care enough that even EDITH knows who I am. And now we're friends."

Peter's nose scrunches at that, and you've never wished more than now that you could see the rest of his face. He starts placing balls of cookie dough in the batter, "You talk about me like I'm Beyoncé or something."

"You're the Beyoncé of superheroes."

"Hey, that is not true. That title goes to Captain Marvel."

"Not to me."

"Well, of course not to you. You're my biggest fan."

"Wow, demoted to a fan already."

Peter slides the pan into the oven, "You know what I mean. You're biased."

"You're starting to sound like Jameson now."

He kicks the oven door closed and hops up onto the kitchen counter next to you, nudging your knee with his knee, "Oh, you haven't heard my Jameson impression. Watch this." Peter clears his throat, clenches his fist, and shakes it in the air, "Spider-Man is a menace and should be charged with domestic terrorism!"

You giggle, "Do more."

"5G isn't giving your kids cancer, it's Spider-Man leaving his webs all over the city!"

"More!"

"Spider-Man is laying eggs in our city's sewers so that one day, all his freaky spider children will rise up and take over New York!"

"Please, keep going."

Peter groans. You see his head tilt toward the notepad in your lap, "How's the vacation going? Or vacation planning, I guess."

You sigh. Your list to pack kept getting longer, and yet, anytime you tried to focus on what to bring, you would just remember something else you needed to do before leaving New York. "How do you think, based on my utter lack of excitement?"

Peter raises a brow, "Whaaat? You're not excited for Miami?"

"I was, but... everything in the world is happening at the same time. Jameson wants me to get two more articles out before I leave and my family wanted me in Florida three days ago. At this rate, I'm just barely going to make it there before Christmas. Not to mention..." You trail off as you look to Peter, whose mask eyes have gone comically wide in interest, "I don't want to leave you all alone."

"You know I've been Spider-Manning since I was like, 14, right?"

"Well, yeah, but- wait, 14?" Peter grimaces. You gloss over it before he can worry himself about it, "Anyway, I just worry. I mean, with Fisk turning the PR tide and God knows what he's planning, I don't wanna just fly to the other side of the country. It feels wrong."

Peter smirks, "Nah, nah. It's fine. I can take care of myself."

"Don't make me remind you about how all of this," you gesture between Peter and the oven, "started." He looks away from you, sheepish. "You know what I mean, right? Maybe I'm overestimating my worth to you, but-"

"You're definitely not. You have no idea how much you mean to me." That stuns you. It stuns both of you, clearly, if Peter's frantic peek at your face was anything to go by. His mouth gapes like a fish out of water for a moment, "I just mean that... you've made being Spidey... easier on me. It's nice knowing someone's actually on my side in this city. So yeah, it will feel really weird without you being just a swing away."

"You can still call, Peter. I won't mind."

"And when your family asks who's bothering you while you're sunbathing on the beach?"

"I mean, my little cousins will be impressed if I name drop Spider-Man."

He smiles. He kicks his feet out, heels bumping the cabinet doors beneath you while silence settles. You take this chance to examine a slight fraying on the fabric of his suit, a hole beginning to form on his upper thigh that you could just fit your pinky through. You remembered a time when his suit was made out of sweatpants and a dream.

He was 14 when he first started all of this. When you were 14, you were stressing over high school essays and alien invasions. You couldn't help but think that maybe he'd lost his youth to this thing. This thing that brought you together.

Spider-Man who, back then, was really a kid. He'd had to grow into it. You couldn't imagine having to grow into that. "Well, that's enough about my holiday plans. What about you?" Peter prepares to answer, then deflates. "What's up?"

He bites his bottom lip, "I don't... have any."

Your heart sinks, "What? Why not?"

"No, no, it's fine. I'll probably be out on patrol making sure everybody else is having a safe, criminal-free winter break."

Sliding off the counter, you come to stand in front of Peter with your arms folded, "Absolutely not."

"Okay, before you say anything-"

"It's Christmas, Peter! You're supposed to take time off! Be with friends and family. If you never take a break, you'll wear yourself out."

"Just hear me out-"

"No! I won't have it. You're not the only hero in New York. You're taking Christmas off. I don't care if I have to stuff you in a carry-on and take you with me but you will not be working-"

One hand clamps around the back of your head and the other silences you, turning your complaints into mush, "If you would let me finish..." you huff indignantly against his hand, "you'd know that a friend of mine is throwing a Christmas party and I was invited. There. I have plans."

Your face softens. "Really?" You ask, but the sound is muffled and it comes out more like, "Will-ee?"

Peter laughs, hand slipping from your mouth, "Really. I'll at least take a few hours off. Maybe more if I fall into a food coma."

Peter's other hand is still cradling your head, but you don't bring it to his attention. "You promise? I won't have to fly back early and check up on you, will I? 'Cause I'll do it."

"I wouldn't stop you." You glower, making Peter's mask eyes squint with amusement, "I promise."

"Sometimes I think you like making me worry over you."

"Would you believe me if I said that I'm just this awful all the time?"

"Yes, but that would make me worry even more."

The hand at your neck gently curls around the side of your throat, Peter's thumb angling your chin up to his own. The brush of it makes you tremble just slightly.

Was he trying to make you dissolve into a puddle?

"I'll be okay. Just... come back to the city, will ya? Don't fall in love with Miami."

You place one of your hands over the hand on your throat. The other hovers somewhere near his knee on the countertop, unsure of yourself. When you admire his exposed mouth, you think of Peter. Parker.

You remember you hadn't actually talked about that since it happened. It was Peter's intention to skirt around Parker, regardless of how certain you were that they were the same person. It was all in jest, sure, but some small part of you (some incredibly small, minuscule, microscopic part of you) wondered if your reporter brain just fit the two pieces together because it wanted them to fit.

Perhaps he wasn't Peter Parker. Perhaps this really was all a coincidence, and perhaps aliens didn't fall from the sky and gods didn't save the world.

You wouldn't push him on it. You wouldn't look into it either, because reporter brain be damned. You cared more about the Peter you knew than the Peter you didn't.

You smile up at him, "How could I? Miami doesn't have you."

"Nice to see you could finally make it, kiddo." Jillian is grinning at you when you arrive, her baby tucked at her hip and her wife entertaining the little monster over her shoulder. She sees the winded look on your face and immediately motions you over, pressing a hand to your cheek, "Did you crawl out of a snowdrift? You're freezing!"

You lean into it, chasing the warmth in hopes that it would restore some feeling to your skin, "The storm's getting awful out there."

"Came outta nowhere, didn't it?" Jillian's wife snorts, booping the baby's nose. "We almost didn't risk coming with the little one, it was so bad."

Said little one looks perfectly warm wrapped up in her blanket, an envious sight as you shiver and shuck off your coat to hang. You would offer the kid a boop on the nose yourself, but with your fingers frozen solid around your offering—a plate of sugar cookies—you don't want to make her cry. You give her a smile instead.

"Oh, and would you believe it?" Jillian whispers, sidling up to you, primed for gossip, "We've got a real treat here tonight. Take a wild guess who decided to show up."

"Jonah's wife?"

Jillian cackles, "God no. The stalker."

As soon as she says the name, your eyes zero in on him.

He's wearing that plaid shirt again, but the collar and cuffs are all that peek out from underneath a wrinkly blue sweater. His hair is free and gelled back, revealing his nervous expression more clearly. Nursing a cup of apple cider, he just barely looks like he wants to be here. But then he catches your eye across the room.

And he waves.

"Oh my," Jillian teases, "you must've left quite the impression if he came all this way just to see you."

"He did not come just to see me." You reply in a hushed tone, but she laughs at you all the same.

"Sure. And that's not him heading over right now, even though he's been hugging the wall all night."

You jerk your head to where Parker was standing, and, sure enough, he's pursuing you.

You part from Jillian before she can get the chance to embarrass you (she accepts your cookies as payment), and so you all but jog to meet him halfway.

He doesn't get the chance to be polite before you're interrogating him, "Where did you go?"

"Uh... What?"

"At the gala. When I ran back inside the ballroom, I couldn't find you anywhere."

Peter's eyes slowly widen, "You went back inside?"

"Answer the question, please."

"Wh- I... I was there. You didn't see me?"

"No, I didn't."

"It got crazy after Fisk rushed the stage. I got swept up in the crowd. You must've missed me."

"Really? 'Cause I was with the crowd, you know. In front of the building? Where Fisk was giving his big speech about how he saved the day? I didn't see you anywhere."

Peter blinks, then gasps as if he'd just remembered something important, "You know what? That's right. I went to go find Harry. I wanted to make sure he was alright, and then I couldn't find you in the crowd so I just assumed... I'm sorry for leaving you back there all alone." You watch as he fumbles for something convincing, "I texted Spider-Man about it, though. He said you were safe."

You fold your arms, "...Is that all he said about me?"

"Well, that. And something about your conspiracy theory?"

"Conspiracy theory."

The topic change gets some of the tension in Peter's shoulders melting away, replaced with a smile faint enough to not pass as overtly smug. He waits for one of your co-workers to move out of earshot before continuing, "You think... I'm Spider-Man."

Your jaw tightens. You know that anyone would draw the same conclusions you did after that night. You also know that no matter how logical your reasoning is, you sound highly illogical when you admit to it out loud. If you brought up the same accusation to Jillian or Jameson, they'd both laugh you out of the office.

You have to stand your ground, though. If there was one thing you were learning about Peter, it was that he was easy to fluster, "And if I do?"

"I'm flattered, really, but I don't really have the hand-eye coordination."

You know it's bullshit. He should know you know it's bullshit. If it hadn't been for his quick thinking, you and Harry would've been trampled under the masses at the gala. It's bullshit and he's waiting for his checkmate that will never come.

You do not give it a second thought. You toss your phone at Peter's head.

And he catches it. Of course he does. He stops it mere inches from his face.

If anyone saw you try to give him a concussion, they don't come over to question you on it. "Can you..." Peter starts after a breath, a bit dazed, "...can you stop trying to hit me?"

You go to defend yourself because, at the very least, you hadn't meant to try to punch Peter—which meant it didn't count—when someone barrels right into you.

And, to prove you right twice in a row, Peter is quick to catch you. He scoops you up into his arms before you end up a reporter pancake on the floor. One of your co-workers, already blitzed off spiked eggnog, had bumped you on their way to the drinks table for what looked like the umpteenth time tonight, and didn't have enough marbles to apologize before bumping someone else.

Peter is careful in how he holds you. There's that unmistakable strength behind his grip, but also... he was gentle. He felt safe.

You don't make to escape just yet, all your bravado knocked right out of you. "Jesus, you okay?" His eyes dart over to your co-worker and a scowl turns his expression sour, "Jonah should put a cap on the drinks."

You feel more than embarrassed stumbling to your feet, even more so when Peter still coddles you after you're standing upright. "I'm fine. Thanks." Peter's looking at you, brows drawn together, with so much concern it makes that second thought from earlier come in hot with a sizable topping of shame, "Talk about instant karma."

Then it's gone. Peter laughs and... it sounds just like your Peter. Undeniably. You can't help but give in. For a fleeting moment, the question of secret identities has melted away and it's just the two of you, giggling about something silly.

You're ashamed enough to apologize for throwing your phone at his head when the laughter dies down. You succeed in stealing it back and lead him over to the windows, far away from any more drunken disasters, "It's alright. I've had worse thrown at me before."

You raise an eyebrow, "Oh? Like what?"

His voice catches in his throat at first, "A... carton of expired milk. High school bully, Flash Thompson. We were both on the same academic decathlon team but he never gave up on his dream of professional baseball."

"Flash Thompson? You mean, Silicon Valley, MIT grad, tech startup millionaire Flash Thompson?"

Peter winces, "The one and only."

You frown at the distant look on Peter's face, aware of some regret there at the mention of Flash. "You and Harry went to ESU together, right? Is that where you always wanted to go?"

Peter shakes his head, but a smile comes to his face regardless, "MIT was my first choice, actually. But... even with a scholarship, I just couldn't imagine leaving New York behind. So I stayed. Went to ESU. Helped my Aunt May with the mortgage on her first house since my... my uncle passed. And now I'm selling pictures of Spider-Man to pay my rent."

You can't help the way you soften. "I'm so sorry about your uncle, Peter. Your Aunt May is lucky to have you around."

His eyelids flutter closed for a breath, and his smile grows wider. If it were even possible. "I'm lucky to have her."

You stand there together in silence after that, but it feels more comfortable than before. All the scrutiny and speculation you'd come in with had faded away, and now you were left wondering more about Peter. His hopes, his dreams, his life before all of this. What would it have been like if he'd gone to MIT? Where would you be? Or Spider-Man?

Peter's eyes peel open, "So, what about you?"

"Oh. Well, I took a shine to my school newspaper. After... everything in 2012, I knew the world would never be the same. So I had dreams of becoming a journalist, covering the street, being the first on the scene. Took my ass to college on part-time jobs and a dream, and interned at nearly every newspaper in the city before Jameson gave me a shot here. As much as I can't stand the way he talks about Spidey... he's not that bad of a guy. All things considered."

Peter agrees, "He did hire you, so..."

"Yeah, well," you lean your cheek against the window, glass cooling your blush, "At least Spidey doesn't hold it against me... but, I have to ask: why the Bugle? I mean, with photos like yours, you should be fighting off every publication in the city. Instead you turn in these... absolute masterpieces, freelancing, for a guy who can't even give you due credit, and you only stop by for a paycheck."

Peter looks to the window, the wind howling over a crooner's cover of Santa Baby. The storm was still raging on outside, and you dreaded the thought of having to walk through it to get back home. The taxis wouldn't have much luck either from the looks of it. "I... like my job, but it's not what I wanna do forever. I don't care about fame or Pulitzer prizes. It's always been about taking care of me and my Aunt May, and Jameson is a lot of things but he's always understood that. He pays me enough that I can have a place of my own and a little leftover for my aunt, and he doesn't ask questions.

"I don't need to be seen. And that's the whole point, isn't it?" His expression gradually warms as he recalls something, "It's not who's behind the lens that matters, but who's in front of it."

Your expression warms too, "I can see why Spidey likes you."

A notification disturbs the moment. Raising a finger at Peter, you check the latest notification... and your stomach drops.

Peter takes a step forward, sensing the change in atmosphere, "What? What is it?"

"My flight's been cancelled. I was leaving tomorrow for Miami but the storm..."

"Oh. Man, I'm sorry."

"I should've left sooner, I should've left when my family..." You lose the motivation to even finish your sentence, feeling exhausted all at once, "It doesn't matter anymore. I'm stuck here for Christmas."

Peter stuffs his hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth on his feet as he searches for something to say. You're about to tell him not to worry about it when he speaks up, "You know," he starts, the uncertainty in his voice giving you pause, "it's no... Miami, but my aunt throws this Christmas party every year? For Christmas Eve. We invite a few friends over for dinner. She'd love it if you came."

"Oh, Peter, that's sweet but... I don't really want to intrude on a friend thing-"

"No, no, it's okay! Anyone can come. It'll just be my aunt, some of her co-workers from F.E.A.S.T., a few of my friends, my ex-girlfriend-"

"Your- what?"

"Oh. Well, I mean, we were friends before we dated. Well... technically? She sort of just... hung around me and Ned in high school and then we started dating for a while but then we broke up in university. But we stayed friends. Became better friends, actually. So, she's my ex but also a really good friend. I promise it's not weird or anything. She's super cool about it. And I am too! Her name's MJ. I think you'll like her."

You stare at Peter. You think you see a bead of sweat twinkle on his forehead underneath the Christmas lights above.

He insists that you're welcome to come, and staying home alone for Christmas would be pretty hypocritical after your argument with Spider-Man.

Spider-Man.

"...and Spider-Man will be there."

Spider-Man?

You abruptly lock eyes with Peter. "Spider-Man?"

Peter's smile is tight-lipped, "Yeah." His voice cracks. "I mean, he's just stopping by real quick, but I invited him. He might not come. But... he also might."

Was this the friend of his throwing a Christmas party? Why in the world would Peter (Parker) invite you to the same party Spider-Man would be at, unless he could stand in the same room as him at the exact same time? There'd be no other way to convince you otherwise, and you'd be forced to accept that they really were two completely different people.

Yeah, right.

You'd go to this party and suss it out for yourself.

And it wouldn't hurt, would it? Peter was nice, if not the most awkward person you've ever met. To offer you a place at his aunt's Christmas dinner not long after hurling an object at his head was a sign of true Christmas spirit. You could learn a thing or two from him, "Okay. You've convinced me. What's your number? You can text me the address."

Peter blanks for a moment, "Um... yeah, um..." You watch him flounder, growing increasingly suspicious, "Can I see your phone?"

You drop your phone in his hand. His fingers move quickly across the keyboard before returning it to you. Peter Parker is now in your contacts. You check the number against Spidey's but there isn't a match. "Thanks," you glance at his wobbly smile, "I sent you a text."

Peter gestures behind him, "Oh, cool, awesome. Will you excuse me for a sec? I gotta use the restroom." And he doesn't wait for you to affirm before he's rushing down the hall and out of sight.

A full minute passes before you receive a text back from Peter.

15 Amfan Ave Forest Hills, NY 11375 7pm :) Hope you can make it! He never shuts up about you *I *shut

Hm.

So... I hear you're throwing things at people now Who told you that? You lose one phone, then you try to bludgeon an innocent man with another. I should lock you up and throw away the key I wasn't trying to bludgeon him, because I knew he'd be perfectly *fine*. And he helped me prove a point Which was... That the chances of him being you are more likely than either of you would have me to believe Could it be that you just have a thing for attractive, masked men? That is That is irrelevant to the conversation HA you so do Literally nothing to do with anything I just said It's okay. The mask makes it really easy to project one's ideal man onto me. Or so I've learned through Twitter I'm not projecting *anything* onto you Do you picture Ryan Reynolds when you talk to me? It's okay if you do Peter, shut up Maybe someone more boyish like Timothy chalet Timothee Chalet Timothee Chalamett I'd say you just like hearing yourself talk but this is a textual conversation I like that we can talk like this :) I like it too :) What about Tom Holland? We've got the same jaw If you think me accusing you of being Parker is me projecting a handsome man onto you, I can only assume you think he's hot. Which means I can assume you have a thing for him. Because I can also make things up Like Batman and Clark Kent? Are you saying Parker is the Clark Kent in our fictional relationship? More like Superman and Jimmy Olsen And you're my Lois Lane? ... Goodnight, Peter

Aunt May's home is beautiful. There's a lovingly sculpted garden out front that has since given into the snow, but you can tell it's a sight in the spring. For now, the Christmas garland lining the doorframe—wrapped in a rope of rainbow lights—brightens up the porch. As does the collection of little striped sweater-wearing gnomes gathered around the front door.

There's a commotion of voices behind it as you approach. You shift your plate into one hand, pressing the doorbell with the other, and the voices get louder. You swallow down your nerves when the door is ripped open by a stranger.

The stranger in question is staring out into the dark at you like they weren't expecting you. Your eyes quickly dart to the plaque beside the door and see a bold "15" emblazoned there. Nope. This is the house.

Their eyes zero in on the plate in your hand. Smiling, they open the door wide and step back, "Sweet! Peter said you'd bring dessert."

You kick the snow off your boots before stepping inside. The stranger shuts the door behind you before any more of the cold could get in. "It's peppermint bark," you explain, returning a smile of your own, "but I hear May's making a cake."

"May and Peter. May's great with everything but the oven- don't tell her I said that. I'm Ned, by the way." Ned holds his hand out for a shake.

Ned is really talkative, you find out. He holds your peppermint bark as you undo your boots and coat at the door, rattling off about how Peter and he had been friends at Midtown. He tells you about his job as a cybersecurity specialist, a job he'd naturally floated toward after graduating from MIT, and how he'd stayed with the Parkers for a few months after moving back to New York. It's how he knows that the downstairs bathroom door won't close unless you lift up when you shut it. You only remember about half of what he says by the time you get to the living room.

There are considerably fewer people than you expected, one of which makes his way over the minute you catch his eye.

"Hey," Harry grins. Unlike the nice suit he'd worn to the gala, he's dressed down in jeans and an ugly sweater with "I've been naughty" printed in big letters across the front, looking a lot less tense than when you'd first seen him, "Fancy seeing you here."

"I could say the same." You can't help but ask, "Don't the Osborns host Christmas Eve at Oscorp tower every year?"

Harry's good mood fizzles out right before your eyes. You feel pretty awful about it. "Uh, yeah. Norman does. But it's more business than anything, so I dipped. I'd rather be here watching Pete fuck up a perfectly good cake."

"I heard that!" Peter's voice calls from a room away.

Harry's good mood returns, "Well, it's good to see you at the annual Parker holiday celebration. And I'll forgive you for poking into my family business if you hand over those treats."

Bashful, you let Ned pass the plate into your hands before passing it to Harry, "Sorry. Reporter brain."

Harry's nose scrunches up, "Don't apologize. Unless these taste like ass."

"I promise they taste better than ass."

"Good enough," he backs away, turning his head to shout down the hall, "Peter! Get in here already!"

When the redhead is immersed in a game of UNO, you turn to Ned, "And that doesn't... feel weird? Having Harry Osborn at family dinner?"

"There are weirder things about Peter. Speak of the devil."

The ugly sweater is the first thing you notice. A companion to Harry's, it is nearly the exact same design, except for the "I've been nice" where the "I've been naughty" had been. He's dusting his hands of something when he comes around the corner. His eyes soften when he sees you with Ned, "Hey, you came." He says in a much too gentle voice. Harry and his opponents nearly drown him out with their cheers and boos.

Unlike at the office party, you notice, Peter's hair isn't tamed by hat nor hair gel. Instead, it curls incessantly around his flushed cheeks. He looked like a damn Keebler elf. It was frustratingly adorable. "Of course. I heard there'd be cake."

"How is that cake, Peter?" Ned pulls on a piece of the ugly sweater as he walks by, and you realize that some of the red had been singed. You follow Peter's frantic gaze from the hole to you.

"This was unrelated to the cake."

"You burned something else?"

"No! One of the stockings fell into the fireplace and I-" Peter trails off as you begin to smile, "you don't get to laugh at me if you didn't bring sweets."

"I did! Harry stole them." You nod over to the coffee table where the group is devouring your peppermint bark with reckless abandon. At least you knew they didn't taste like ass. Peter rushes over to steal the plate before they could polish off the last handful, much to their protest.

"Dinner's almost ready, I swear. You've met Ned, uh, Harry..." Peter scans the group, using his free hand to point out people, "...that's Yolanda, Katie, Lexie, Eduardo: all May's friends. May's in the kitchen but I'd stay out of her way until the ham comes out unharmed."

You notice that out of everyone gathered in the house, he does not mention his ex-girlfriend. "And MJ?"

You wait for an answer. Instead, something heavy shakes the house from above. It doesn't sound like it came from outside, but rather somewhere in the house. Not quite above your head. Weirdly enough, only you seem to be concerned about it.

Peter just glances at the ceiling, "And MJ."

MJ is tossing an empty storage bin to the side when you crawl up through the floor behind Peter. She's crouched on the balls of her feet, shoulders slouched, the sharp bones of her back poking through her tight graphic tee. Her head snaps toward you both when she hears you grunt up the last rung of the ladder. Her eyes narrow on you, then Peter, "I can't find it."

Peter offers you a hand to hoist you further into the attic, "Did you check the-"

"Yes. And I checked the one next to it. And the one next to that."

You look at Peter for an explanation, but he doesn't provide you with one. He walks over to where MJ has now fallen back on her ass, rifling through one of the bins. His mouth twists to the side. "Maybe she meant the box next to her old CDs?"

"There's like 15 boxes in here, Peter."

Off to the side of the room, where MJ was currently facing the mysterious dilemma, were about nine—not 15—storage bins in disarray. Two were off to the side, emptied of their contents: there were piles of men's clothes, women's clothes, baby blankets, and more. The third box that MJ was poring over had Halloween decorations in it.

"Well, you're getting close." Peter encourages.

The way MJ grumbles resentfully has you squirming. As time ticked on, your presence unannounced, you were starting to feel like an intruder. You clear your throat and MJ looks over at you for the second time, "Maybe I could help?" You offer.

At this, MJ brightens. "Finally! Someone cares about my plight. I don't know you, do I?"

You crawl over to where MJ is sitting and Peter gestures to you, "MJ, I told you about the reporter from the Bugle, right?" You give your name for good measure, and MJ's eyebrows raise. She gives a quick, indecipherable look to Peter. He returns it. Then she examines you.

After a moment, she dusts her hand off on her khakis and holds it out for you to shake, "Michelle Jones. Call me MJ." You repeat her nickname warmly. "Peter never shuts up about you."

Peter chokes on his spit.

"He... he does?"

MJ continues shaking your hand for longer than necessary, smiling secretively now, "Oh, yeah. He's got your blog bookmarked too. Post notifs for your Twitter, the works." You cut your eyes to Peter, appalled that he'd ratted you out to someone else, but MJ is quick, "I figured it out on my own ages ago."

"Is it really that obvious it's me?"

"No." And she smiles wider.

Peter is about to cut in with something when a woman's voice rings out, shrill and clear despite two layers of flooring in between you. He's needed with the ham. He looks between you and MJ, reluctant, "Look, if you can't find it-"

"We will." MJ's reply is confident, leaving no room for failure. You feel a little pressure applied to "we".

Peter nods. He mouths an apology at you and skitters out of the attic.

Left alone with MJ, you notice that she is staring at you now. You feel like you've been left alone with an oracle, prepared for your innermost being to be laid bare before you: past, present, and future. She looks like the type to know what makes people tick.

"What are you looking for?" You try to break the silence, though your voice comes out meeker than you'd have liked.

She doesn't look away from you as her fingers grip the container in between her legs, "Uncle Ben's favorite Christmas sweater. All I know is it has a reindeer holding a beer on the front."

Reinbeer. You almost laugh at it. You imagine it would tickle an uncle pink too. "Then I'll get to looking."

You've only just crawled over to a bin of your own when MJ asks you outright, "You like Peter, right?"

Your hand stills as it pries the top off. You feel her eyes burning into your back. "He's... nice, yeah."

You can hear how unimpressed she is with that, "I don't know if it's obvious, but Peter isn't exactly popular." You think that's kind of a cruel thing to say about someone you consider a friend, but MJ keeps going, "All he had was Ned back at Midtown. And me, eventually. I've known him since high school and he's made maybe a handful of friends, maybe less. The last time he invited someone new to Christmas dinner was Harry."

And that had been at least a few years, judging by how long Harry had been away at Oxford.

But why was she telling you this?

"He likes you." You yelp when you realize MJ's voice has gotten close. You turn, and she's kneeling behind you with no interest in your fear. "But do you like him?"

In her hands is a faded, toy Iron Man mask. "I... I think he's nice. I mean kind," you correct yourself when MJ frowns, "but I... I don't really know him. I mean, I don't think I do. I've only actually spoken to him twice and one of those times, there was a gun involved. Everything I know about him is through his pictures and Spidey, and I trust Spidey. So, I trust Peter."

"And Spider-Man?"

"What?"

"Do you like Spider-Man?"

You swallow. Like didn't really sum up how you felt about him. He was a hero, an inspiration, a friend, and also... yeah, you felt something more there too.

You think about why she would ask. Why it would have anything to do with you liking Peter or not. You look at her and it feels like she hasn't really asked you that different of a question at all. Your answer is much more definitive this time, "I do. I like him more than I know what to do with."

MJ leans back on her haunches. She appraises you, "He's pretty great, isn't he?" Her tone is considerably softer.

"Yeah. He really is." You smile.

MJ hands the mask to you and you take it, admiring the chips in its paint and the lovingly worn edges. She scoots between you and the bin you'd been looking into and pops the lid off. Almost immediately, she swears in relief. Sitting folded on top is the most gaudy sweater you've ever seen. A deformed reindeer is embroidered on the front, and sure enough, holds a can of beer in its hoof. When MJ shakes it out, little specks of dust fly everywhere.

This, too, she hands to you. You look at her in bewilderment. "You'll wanna make a good first impression with May," she advises, "just be prepared for the water works."

And there are water works.

May throws her arms around your neck and just about sobs her thanks to you, squishing the sweater between your chests. You note that she smells like candy canes. When she draws back, her glasses are all askew, "And I'm so glad you could make it! Peter wouldn't shut up about you. Isn't that right, Petey?"

Peter's eye twitches. "I'm gonna set the table. Ned, you wanna set the table?" And he scoots past you and May without waiting for a response.

"Don't mind him, he gets testy when he's cooking. Did Petey give you the tour?" You shake your head and May kisses her teeth in Peter's direction, "Okay, this is the kitchen, around the corner here is the dining room. You've seen the living room and the attic. The bathroom is by the front door, and the bedrooms are upstairs. If someone's in the bathroom down here, do not use the bathroom by the stairs. That's Ned's favorite when he gets bubbly guts, and he will get bubbly guts."

Ned complains under his breath as he walks by.

"If you need somewhere to get away from the festivities for a bit, backyard's that way and my room's upstairs, first door to the left. All good?" She pets your shoulder. Then, she looks down at the sweater still in your hands and takes it from you, tenderly. "I'm gonna go change into this and then dinner is served. Help yourself to anything, okay?"

May leaves you in the kitchen with that. Around the corner, Peter and Ned are fussing over where to put the ham and sides. Around the other corner, Harry is drunkenly singing Christmas carols with Yolanda. MJ watches on from the corner of the room, recording on her phone. She catches your eye and mouths, "For blackmail."

You peek into the dining room and Peter is worrying over one of the chairs. You can hear Ned scold him, "Sit next to them. You don't wanna talk over the ham. It'll kill the mood."

"But how do I... subtly get them to sit in this chair and not next to MJ or something?"

"Tell MJ not to sit next to them."

"But what if-" You jolt a little when Peter suddenly spots you eavesdropping. He straightens up with a death grip on the chair he'd been messing with, "Hey! Hi. This is your chair by the way." And he tops it all off with a smile.

It's warm in May's home.

You don't even register the cold at first. You do register Harry's frenzy, the way he grabs far more napkins than he needs to, pressing them to your stomach where the majority of his spilled drink had gone. When you finally do comprehend what just happened, you place your hands over his, "How long have you been plotting your revenge?"

Harry is red-faced. He lets you hold the napkins there while May rushes to find a towel, "Sorry. I wasn't looking where I was- sorry."

You don't get to dwell on the déjà vu of it all. May is ushering you up the stairs with a beach towel pressed to your front, muttering about how she'll have to put Harry on ginger ale for the rest of the night. She guides you into what you're certain is Peter's old bedroom.

It's been cleaned out, and most of his personal belongings must be at his own place, but there are still old posters on the wall, and a calendar dated in April, two years ago. His bed is ruffled like he'd slept overnight. It's neat, and looks like it usually is neat, but there are traces of him everywhere, like picture frames with Peter and May and a man you don't recognize.

"Peter probably has something here you can wear. It's all stuff from college." She digs through the top drawer of his dresser, finally stopping on a sweatshirt with Empire State University in college block across the chest. "Here! You think this'll fit?"

She stretches it out and you nod, thankful, "Yeah, thank you so much, May."

She smiles, "Okay. Bathroom's across the hall if you need to wash off. I can run your shirt through a wash while you're here if you'd like. Just let me know, okay?"

May is, perhaps, the sweetest woman on earth. She leaves you with a thumbs up and shuts the door behind you, reminding you to lock it after she leaves.

Your shirt had absorbed most of the drink, and you're relatively unscathed besides some sticky residue. You wipe at your stomach with the towel she'd given you and slip Peter's sweater on. It feels... odd, wearing it. It smells like May's house with little traces of Peter.

Your eyes drift back to the picture frames.

One such frame sits on top of the dresser, a photo of Peter and the man who you assume is Uncle Ben. He holds Peter in a headlock but they're both smiling at the camera. You smile too, tracing a finger around the wooden edges.

Another picture is of Peter and MJ and Ned, standing outside of MIT with their fingers pointing at the school. Another is of Peter and MJ sharing cotton candy at Coney. Another is of Peter as a little boy, with two people flanking his side that you do not know. You realize you'd never asked about Peter's parents.

There are other photos of him around that age with May and Ben, and as you piece together what feels like an undoubtedly tragic story, you catch something outside the window.

A person. Hanging onto the side of the house.

Your heart hammers in your chest as a hand pushes the window up, and then, "Did I scare you?" Spider-Man perches on the sill with what you can imagine is a shit-eating grin.

You stomp over to the window and shove at his shoulder, but he doesn't budge in the slightest, "You almost gave me a heart attack! Were you watching me get dressed?"

The mask's eyes blow open, "What? No! I swear I just got here."

"Do you ever use the front door?"

"Not if I can help it," he crawls in, staying planted by the window, "don't tell me you're snooping through Parker's things."

"I was just... looking. At the pictures. And Harry Osborn spilled his drink all over me so I had to borrow Parker's shirt."

"Hm. ESU looks good on you."

You look up at Peter, who keeps his hands tucked behind his back, leaning against the wall by the window. "Aren't you gonna say hi to the party? Make Parker look cool?"

"Eventually. Maybe. Might just watch from afar."

"No, nuh-uh. You said you had holiday plans and that you were going to a party. That doesn't count if you're watching from afar."

Peter's head sways to the side, "I never said this was the party I was going to."

"Is there another?"

"Well... maybe. Maybe not."

"Peter-" You whine, but he cuts you off.

"I'm not a party guy! Sue me."

"Well, then Parker's got you beat two for two. Unless you're lying, since I haven't given up on my conspiracy theory."

Peter presses himself off the wall, sauntering toward you in a zig-zag. Your eyes follow him, back and forth, back and forth, until he's a step or two away. His hand reaches out to play with one of your sleeves, its seams resewn with mismatched thread, "Leaving a party as Peter Parker to come back as Spider-Man. Give Parker some credit. That's the kind of plan you come up with in high school."

You shrug, trying not to act like Peter playing with your sleeve wasn't giving you goosebumps. "You never know."

Peter nods, "Yeah, you're right. I mean, he was really excited to see you."

"Oh yeah?" You swallow.

"Yeah. Was kind of pathetic, actually."

Peter shoots a web at the ceiling and twists, catching the web between his feet so he could hang upside down. The suddenness makes you stumble back with a breathless laugh, "That's not a very nice thing to say about a friend."

"Weren't you the one who said he'd be shaking and crying if you yelled at him?"

You sigh, "I was... I was teasing you."

"Because I'm Peter Parker."

He says it matter of fact. You stare at him, "Yeah," you whisper, "that's right."

He pulls himself up the web until he's face to face with you, "Then that wouldn't be very nice to say to a friend, would it?"

"No, it wouldn't. If you were Peter Parker, I guess I'd have to apologize to you."

"Yeah? How?"

You breathe deep. Everyone is still laughing downstairs. You become hyper-aware of the fact that you hadn't locked the door. At any moment, someone could walk in and...

Peter waits, curious.

Your fingers trace the lines of his jaw, pressing into the fabric of his mask, feeling over the ridges where black lines broke red. You know what you want to do. And you also know that there is no going back if you do it.

Your fingers reach the place where the mask meets the rest of his suit. Hooking two fingers under the fabric, you pull.

Your fingernails trace over the curve of his Adam's apple as it bobs, over the jut of his chin. Peter's breath is heaving. One of his hands releases its grip on the web and you see it glide toward yours out of the corner of your eye. You just feel the skin of his bottom lip under your finger when you realize how this might look. What he might think you're trying to do.

Mask in hand, questions of his identity hanging in the air, your curiosity and his vulnerability. You release the mask, awash with worry. You want to get it out before there's any misunderstanding, but as your hand drifts back to yourself, his catches it. You would give anything to know what he's thinking right now.

Peter lets your fingers fall. Silently, he drags the mask over the tip of his nose and leaves it resting there. An invitation. "I trust you." He promises. And kisses you.

He has to stretch a little to reach you. You understand this and press closer, taking the back of his head in your hands and holding it steady for you, but you know you're trembling. You curse yourself for how much your body reacts to this, how uncool you must look, how you shake with all the excitement and terror of this. You kiss him and feel silly about how you claimed to know his lips so well before now. That was nothing.

This is everything. So many things. Each time you go back in for more, you lock away some new little detail about him.

Peter places a hand against your neck and tugs you even closer, but the momentum makes him swing a little bit so his nose bumps your chin. You're too stiff to laugh, but he does, "Sorry," his voice is raspy, "this looked cooler in my head."

You lean into him, dizzied, "Was this... did you plan for me to kiss you? When you got up there?"

"I've wanted to kiss you plenty of ways." Peter's admission is followed by a sigh. He presses a hand to your chest and nudges you back a step before he's dropping to his feet and advancing upon you once more, bumping you against the dresser as the picture frames rattle. Your fingers sneak under his mask at the back of his head so they can sink into his silky hair.

He probably kisses you a hundred more times after that. Every kiss you think might be the last, but then you feel a tug in your chest and go in for one more. An itch that no scratch can soothe.

Peter's mask starts to slip and you feel one of his hands leave your waist to fix it, but the warmth your fingers had snuggled into disappears and-

You keep your eyes screwed shut, "Peter." You gasp against his mouth. Your fingers twitch in his hair, finding no resistance.

"It's okay," he nudges your nose with his, still pressing kisses to the corner of your mouth, "it's okay."

"But-"

"Don't you wanna know if you were right?"

You squeak when his lips find the underside of your jaw, "I don't need- you don't need to-"

"You're always right," Peter interrupts you, kissing down your neck, "I was never fooling you. You're so smart, you know that?"

"Peter." You say his name with no real plans for it to do anything, letting your head fall back.

"Please." He says back. Urging.

You lift your head, heart hammering away, and meet the eyes of Peter Parker.

[lemotmo]

Help I'm also so confused! Episodes 5 and 6 essentially being a 2 hour episode 5 split into 2 parts makes sense though. My god the timeline is so confusing. What are your thoughts??

Q. Ali what the hell is the timeline? Oliver's interviews are all basically the same but he keeps talking about episode 5 but Ryan's already shaved for episode 6 so what are they actually filming? And where are the Ryan interviews?

A. They've already said the Ryan interviews contain spoilers so they're not dropping those yet. Oliver has very admittedly confused people on the timeline. What confused me was him saying that they're filming out of order. Usually they film the episodes in order and the scenes within the episode out of order. Oliver made it sound like they're shooting the episodes out of order. Which makes no sense at all. Like you said Ryan has already shaved so if they're still filming episode 5 then Tim misspoke when he said Eddie would shave in episode 6. And, even though you all know how I feel about Tim and interviews, in this instance I don't think he misspoke. Thematically speaking Eddie shaving during the Halloween episode makes sense, something about how on Halloween we put on masks and then remove the masks, if the mustache is indeed a mask of sorts. So I wonder if episode 5 is actually a 2 hour episode split into two separate episodes. Given everything Oliver and Tim have said those episodes sound very Oliver and Eddie heavy so making them essentially one long episode would make sense, especially if their point is the feelings arcs. Right now there's too many interviews considering they're not allowed to tell us anything. We essentially know nothing outside of the Athena and the plane. The Tommy answers are clearly canned. He has said the exact same thing every time. The only thing he clarified in his latest interview was that jealousy on Tommy's part wouldn't play a part. Which was nice for me to hear because that does allow me to actually hope his past is going to be something the show allows Buck to genuinely be bothered about, bonus points if they work the word bothered into the episode title again. I think we will maybe learn a bit more in this week's episode but I think actual storylines will probably kick off in episodes 3 and 4 so we just have to wait and see. I know that's not helpful, anon, lol. I'm so sorry.

Thank you Nonny!

I'm just as confused as the rest of you when it comes to the timeline of episode 5 and 6. I can't wrap my head around it. The moustache is gone, so how are they filming everything out of order?

So I agree that it might just be a two-parter episode to tell a story. But that's as far as I got when it comes to those episodes.

They are keeping everything in lock-down like they have never done before. Something big is coming all right.

The fact that they're holding back those Ryan interviews because of spoilers is also hightly suspicious.

As for the interviews... well, you already know what I think about those. They're all I've been posting about. 🤗

I am more inclined to the theory that Buck will break up with Tommy because he chooses himself and he realises that Tommy just isn't right for him. Will Tommy's past play a part in that? 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

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If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Big fan of you and your blog 👋🏼 you have such great analysis on everything ❤️

Do you really think Tommy will be gone before the mid season finale? Don't you think there's a chance he'll be there the whole season like Taylor? I'm sure he's not staying but what if Tim decides to give him more screen time for the plot?

I hope you're having a wonderful day!

Hey Nonnie

I'm so flattered you enjoy my blog and find my analysis interesting! I don't know what to do with having a fan - how exciting - I've never had one before 🥰🥰🥰

I really really do think Tommy will be gone before we go on mid season hiatus and he definitely won't be there all season like Taylor was. The Taylor lasting an entire season was created by a variety of things going on all at once - JLH was going on maternity leave, which left a gap in things that they needed to do something with and the network was actively blocking the show from telling the story it wanted to tell, so they were forced into a situation that they tried to make the best of, and tried to do something different with - the entirety of season 5, but especially the first half, was a mess from a production perspective - they reshot a pretty sizeable chunk of ghost stories and lots of discussions were going on behind the scenes and Tim had also stepped back as a show runner (because he was throwing his toys out of the pram because Fox wouldn't let him tell the story he wanted to!) Fox didn't really want to fund the show and didn't really care about it. Things are very different now were on abc - the network is really excited about the show and are giving Tim and the writers room the freedom to tell the story they want to - hence the fact we got Bi Buck last season and as the 100th episode no less.

The other aspect to this is that I don't think Tim is all that impressed with LFJ's behaviour - there are rumours that he has apparently been difficult on set and refused to play some scenes out how they were written. He was also making all those cameo's and making borderline to definitely not ok comments on other platforms. He's clearly damaged his standing in the industry and I think it likely that he won't get much work come his way from the disney studios going forward!

The show clearly took action on the sm front as he went entirely silent for the entirety of the summer and even now his sm presence is next to non existent - unless its been carefully curated on the 911 sm platforms. This is very likely because they are managing him and his access (even to the point of ensuring he isn't taking pictures and video when on the lot so he can't post to his pages). We've also had only the 1 singular tv interview outing for Lou - with Oliver (because he couldn't be trusted alone as much as the fact that its Bucks arc) which is a clear indicator of things - because this was a pretty big thing when it happened - for not just bi representation, but for the queer community more widely - this is prime time network tv showing someone coming out later in life - thats perfect fodder for

My impression (very much from the outside of things but based on what I've seen and experienced over the years) based on some of the things Tim said both at the end of s7 and the beginning of s8 (which should always be taken with an entire vat of salt!) is that he has made some changes to his plans for the show - because he decided to get rid of Tommy earlier than he had intended to when s7 was still airing.

The impression I was getting from the subtext of what he's been saying, is that he had plans for the bt arc which were a bit more substantial that would've lead to a bt break up sometime in the last 2 episodes before going on mid season break. But we're now in a situation where its looking like he'll be gone by roughly half way through 8a (well it would've been half way through had he not made the plane emergency in to a 3 parter rather than a 2 parter) and that other storylines have been shifted around to accommodate this.

so yeah - I don't think there is any risk of Tommy being given more screen time for plot purposes - Tim is clever enough to have figured out how to reduce it without it impacting the story he wants to tell. So trust the process and just know it won't be much longer (and I'm sure Oliver will be the one throwing the biggest party when he's gone!)

I hope you've had a wonderful day as well 💜

[gigigazelleloves]

Ok now that I've had time to process the first episode and read some post-episode 1 articles, I have some theories about where the storyline is going for each character in season 8a.

Athena

I have a strong feeling that we're going to have a lot of Athena focus this season. I think it's going to contrast the heavy Bobby focus we got last season. I feel like this trial is going to not be just for the 3-parter premier but instead for the entire part of season 8a. We also have the great B plot of Bathena house hunting and seeing in this first episode how they have different tastes, I have a feeling we'll have some lighthearted moments for Bathena this whole season.

Bobby

Bobby is totally going to return as Gerrard might have kicked the bucket or gotten permanently injured. But I also have a feeling we will be seeing more of the "hotshots" actors appearing at Bathena's doorstep because Bobby can't help but adopt strays. I feel like Bobby is also going to feel some guilt about the whole fiasco that happened last season such as leaving the firehouse and also dealing with his house burning down as I feel like those things have still not been emotionally resolved. Overall though hoping that Bobby has a more lighthearted season.

Chim (and Maddie)

I know that everyone is manifesting that Chim and Maddie are going to decide to have another child but I have a feeling that Chim and Maddie might be forced to adopt Mara as I feel like something wonky is going to happen with Henren's trial. However I have a feeling they are not going to be a main focus until season 8b.

Hen (and Karen)

Basically the same thing I said for Chim and Maddie and that this who Mara and Councilwoman Ortiz. I also feel like that storyline will also transfer over into season 8b.

Buck (and Tommy)

Buck and Tommy is where I feel like we'll see the main plot come in for season 8a. From interviews Oliver has stated that Tommy and Buck are in the honeymoon of their new found relationship. But Oliver has stated that there are some uncomfortable truths they're going to have to face. I think from what he said it could be one of three things (realistically). 1. Tommy's racist past, as Chim is Buck's brother-in-law and Buck is going to maybe struggle to wrap his head around Tommy's past actions 2. It's going to be related to Tommy's father who if is anything like Gerrard is going to cause some havoc in the relationship directly or indirectly. I also think there could be a lot of insecurity with Buck feeling like Tommy is hiding things from him in the relationship which has happened before in his past relationships. 3. I think that Buck will have panic that he's doing something wrong and do a full Buck and avoid Tommy until he talks to someone about it (hopefully someone who is apart of the community like Hen or Josh). I feel like this could address the issue of maybe Buck feeling like he's late to the party when it comes to discovering his sexuality. I feel like it can also resolve the issue Buck has had when it comes to his relationship issues. I think overall this arc can show him becoming more comfortable and confident with his sexuality, solve his past relationship issues, and maybe establish him and Tommy as a solid couple.

Eddie (and Christopher)

All in going to say is I think Eddie is either going to find himself inside of a confession room or inside a therapy room. I hope they don't give him a new love interest as that would low key ruin his arc, I just want to see him become more secure with himself. I have my doubts though about him getting Chris back before the end of season 8a, but there is a slim chance it could happen. I just need him to figure himself out before he gets his kid back. I hope we see more Chris though in season 9, cause I doubt we will this season.

Overall I'm excited for all these arcs but honestly I'll be happy if there's just more Bathena 😝

[realchemistry]

Everything that went right and wrong with 9-1-1 season 7 (according to me, duh!)

Let me start by saying that I enjoyed the season a lot, but that doesn't mean that it was flawless and I thought the finale didn't deliver. So, this is me pointing out what I did and didn't like and why, and how I wish it'd happened instead.

Also: it's a short and somewhat rushed season due to the writers' strike, this I know. You know who else knew? TPTB. So, nope, it’s not a valid excuse for any of its shortcomings. If they tried to bite off more than they could chew, that's on them.

Everyone knows that having a three-episode arc for the honeymoon was a bad choice, it was clear because the episodes dragged due to it and the Bathena drama made no sense. Let's say they had to keep up with the tradition and that it's a huge budget deal to build those sets so they had to milk them for all they were worth. Fine. It could've still been made more interesting, but wrong choices were made. I didn't appreciate the whole pirates taking over thing, and the season ended with the cartel, which... why do you want to have POCs being the bad guys so badly?

So, let's go by the assumption that having a three episode arc for Bathena's honeymoon was the only choice possible, fine... but didn't Madney deserve a lot of attention as well considering they got freaking married? Why was that not a two-parter? Why not have a first part with cases and some fun bachelor/bachelorette shenanigans, and have Chim disappearing be the cliffhanger? Why not dedicate a big chunk of the second part to that, like they did, and then actually give the wedding some breathing room? Sure, it mirrored their kiss after the whole Doug debacle but these are two main characters who got married. It's a drama show but the drama gets old if there are no bright moments in between.

The inclusion of Amir was interesting because of what it brought up in Bobby. Plus, the actor was clearly great and he was such a big deal that he, well, he was given A LOT of screentime. This made me mad because the show, as previously mentioned, was short on time as it was. Having a new character come in and have such a huge role would’ve made sense if we were talking about a full season. As it was, his presence meant that some of our regulars were pushed to the background. Their storylines suffered for it, and while the show usually does this, it's sorta okay when screentime is divvied up between the regular cast. When it's an outsider... well, I have some issues with that. Like, we literally know more about Amir than we do about Ravi at this point. Also: Amir was clearly an amazing person and he was wronged time and time again. Athena got to play solo-cop as it's her thing, and we're supposed to think she was being heroic instead of downright wrong and abusing her power? If I were Amir, I'd sue her and I'd burn their house down for real (not really, but you know what I mean). They put this man through hell. Sure, Bobby saved him... which felt such a white savior redemption thing. And I know the show and the character said otherwise, but it still felt awful and then it just got worse. In any case, they could’ve made this story play out with more nuances instead of devoting so much of a short season to it to the detriment of our stable cast. 

Buck had an amazing start of the season, finding himself and his truth and sharing it with his family. The fact that they had him entering the dating scene with a character like T*mmy... I didn't like that. Any random person would've been better. But, also, I don't wanna be that person but this is my blog so I'm gonna be: Oliver clearly hadn't been enjoying the latest interactions between these characters to the point where their scenes, few as they were, were actually hard to watch. The last one was literally the most cringe inducing moment of TV I've ever witnessed. Instead of Buck exploring himself, we have him reacting to the odd, negative and out of place comments that T*mmy keeps throwing his way. It's just weird and not at all the happy story Oliver was hoping for, so I get him. I hope this gets better next season, with BT being bones and Buck being able to thrive instead of falling back into a revamped awful dating life.

On the other hand, this season was the Buddiest of them all. Well, I mean, it had the most hints of it actually happening at some point. When Buck talked about there being underlying sexual tension in the premiere, it was just ashslgjñhjsdñgjsñdg. They were comparing Chris's interactions with girl friends and boy friends but we all know that wasn't all that was. We had Eddie talking about how much growth Buck had done from being a playboy, which funnily enough he never got to meet, to the person he's today. Another great indicator were the whole 100th/101st episodes, with Buck clearly wanting to get Eddie's attention due to jealousy, which everybody could see, and the ~reveal that the episode was from Buck’s POV which was also incredible because that man was so in love with Eddie, it’s just insane. But, even most importantly maybe, was Maddie's scene with Buck... It was a mirror of her calling him out on his guy crush on Eddie from season 2, with the circled with a heart around it, but the next episode it got real. To me, her words and her face spoke volumes: first she couldn’t believe Buck was with Eddie’s friend, then she told him he might not be sure of his own feelings and finally that if there’s something he needs to tell Eddie, he will, just in his own time. That was NOT about Buck being bisexual, it was Maddie reading right what Buck was reading wrong: how Buck had been jealous because of the way he feels about Eddie and how he was putting his feelings for Eddie into somebody else. Someone safe for the time being, all things considered. That's a thread waiting to be pulled when the right time comes if I ever saw one! I've been giddy just thinking about it ever since, tbh. We also had a Buddie scene in pretty much every episode, and I absolutely adored them in the bachelor party because they were so in sync, as they were all season long actually. The parallel of Eddie asking for Buck’s help at the end was nice as just that, but the story... I’ll rant about it later. I love that Oliver has been pushing the Buddie agenda harder than ever, so I'm hoping he's talking Ryan's ear off about it and that they'll demand it from Tim soon enough.

Onto Eddie, the problem with the whole Kim thing actually starts because they killed Shannon in the first place. They should've never done that, I've always thought this way. She was a great character and seeing Eddie co-parent with his ex would've been great storytelling, he could've still had a breakdown due to divorcing her or even her dating again or whatever. Besides the insanity of Kim going back to his house after learning the truth, the fact that Eddie broke down and caved in was understandable. I actually thought that was pretty well done. The problem was all that followed. We don't care about Marisol because the show never made us care about her, so her part in all of this was completely irrelevant.

As for Chris, I honestly have SO many issues with his reaction. Him being confused would only be right, but being that mad with Eddie? I honestly feel like I'm missing something because the two of them developed such a strong relationship that it felt like Chris's reaction was totally OOC. Why wouldn't Chris want to know Eddie's side of the story? Why would he want to leave his dad and his house? Why would he want to leave the state? Why would he want to go live with his grandparents? Sure, he had a good relationship with them at that point, but we can only gather that by... imagining it, for the most part. How long since they been around? Why not mention that they were visiting or that Chris was with them when he was away to set the stage? It honestly felt like it was all improvised and they wanted to leave Eddie without Chris and this was all they could come up with. There were other ways that could've actually made more sense to get to this place, but they chose to do it in a way that's both hurtful to the characters and to their progression throughout the seasons. Make it make sense!!! There's also the fact that the finale script was all written under the assumption that Eddie and Kim were kissing when Chris showed up. That didn't actually make the cut. This is clearly a consequence of rushed scripts and filming schedules, and while we can interpret every scene saying they kissed as an exaggeration or simply a wrong interpretation of the situation, it actually made me very mad. Having characters rehash what happened the episode before so the people who missed it can catch up is normal but I hated it with my whole heart. Those people can go to hell, but if they're gonna spend time of the finale doing that, the least they could do was make the facts factual. Sure, Eddie was going insane and he said it was hard to explain but everyone in-show very much believed that Eddie had kissed Kim. This was upsetting because of the exact reason why that kiss was cut, as said by Ryan in an interview this week.

On top of this, Chris’s 13 years old. Eddie letting him go was not it. Eddie had every right to tell him he's staying whether he liked it or not because he's his father and he got to decide where he lives. The show tried to make the whole thing come out as noble but I thought it was bullshit. From what we know about Eddie, he wouldn't just let him go: he would either tell Chris to stay put or go with him. The fact that, again, they clearly wanted to have Eddie alone for whatever reason, and they couldn't find a better way to pull it off... that's just bad on TPTB's part.

Hen and Karen were put through hell once more for no reason. Why can't the big obstacle for them be simply getting through Mara? Why do they have to get to a good place only for it to be ripped away? Don't say it's drama tv, I don't care, people on screen deserve happiness, damn it! They most of all, tbh, and the fact that Denny was so upset just made it 5464641636469 worse. Then we had Madney helping out, which was lovely but completely unrealistic from a legal pov and also... why can't HenRen just get what they want without a het couple's intervention? So Ortiz had enough power to get Mara away from them but she didn't know that the people wanting to foster her were part of the 118 even though she had something to do with Gerrard being reinstated? I know this was what Tim implied on his socials to explain why someone as shitty as Gerrard would be taken back by the firehouse... which, I don't know if that even makes sense? Does she have the kind of power to do any of this?

A lot of questions now:

Why was a random woman given so many precious minutes of the finale just so Athena could have a car to go after an innocent man? Why does she keep getting away with asking for personal favors, recklessly involving Maddie too? 

Why wouldn't the editor of the episode give us a full body frame at least of Buddie by Bobbie's hospital bed? This made me particularly mad because it actually looked like Oliver and Ryan were not there filming (though we knew they were), and that's why they kept showing their backs. 

Maybe they had lines, maybe not, but a few seconds while Chim, Hen and Maddie talked would've been nice... since it clearly seemed like nobody was particularly perturbed by Bobbie's state. 

I'm sorry but I can't fear for his life when his wife is away trying to get revenge and his team are just... there. 

Also, why are him, Athena, the aforementioned neighbor and Amir allowed to just walk into a house that suffered that much fire damage? Wouldn't the structure be compromised? 

Plus, Athena and Bobbie kinda were awful to Amir, first killing his wife and then accusing him and all, so why would he want to talk about anything with Bobbie, nevermind say he's earned his family? He was wronged so badly, he didn't owe them a thing, it's honestly ridiculous. 

Then Bobby came back so fast... but he had quit before and forgot about it? 

The Gerrard reveal was actually not something I hated because I love a good shake up. I bet he'll last three episodes at most. 

We know this isn't gonna be good exactly, and it makes zero sense, but a change in dynamics is always refreshing and could put some things into perspective. 

I hated when Buddie weren't partnered, but I ADORED the way Hen was weirded the fuck out by the closeness she is not used to having with Chim while on the field, so I can't wait for some of it.

Things I wanna see:

More May, more Ravi, Eddie’s sisters. 

More Buddie. 

No dating people to fill up time for either of them. 

Eddie’s gay/demi awakening (I swear, if this is not where his story is going, it will all feel like such a waste, much like during his previous breakdown). 

Chris and Mara going back home soon. 

Gerrard and Ortiz getting what they deserve.

This is so long it's insane, if you've read it, I thank you. If I think of anything I forgot, I'll add it later. If you have anything to contribute, please do. I'm around and I'd love to discuss this show and all its intricacies.

[turneradora]

Here is a new press article concerning "Rivals", with the new pic of Aidan as Declan O'Hara !

Thanks to Emma Jones for the written version 🙏🥰 ❤️🌹

EXCLUSIVE The secrets of autumn's biggest bonkbuster Rivals: Why Emily Atack ended up giggling through the sex scenes... and Jilly Cooper's inspiration for the real-life Rupert Campbell-Black

By Sarah Oliver For Weekend Magazine

Published: 06:52 EDT, 4 October 2024 | Updated: 06:54 EDT, 4 October 2024

Hard as it may be to imagine anyone eclipsing the sex appeal of Ross Poldark by being darker, sexier and even better with horses, someone has. Yes, ladies of Great Britain, Rupert Campbell-Black has landed straight from the pages of Jilly Cooper’s 1988 bonkbuster Rivals on your screens here in 2024, and you are all in trouble. A lot of trouble.

Rupert gives the best riding britches and bronzed biceps since Aidan Turner was seen scything topless. He’s hot hot hot, joining the Mile High Club on Concorde and serving up a scorcher playing naked tennis in the sun. Even dressed as Santa come Christmas, he’s the gift that keeps on giving.

So hat tip here to Alex Hassell, whose swarthy looks and CV as a serious Royal Shakespeare Company actor (he was garlanded for his Henry V) don’t immediately suggest him to play a blond-haired, blue-eyed, tabloid headline-hogging love rat. ‘I was slightly concerned at first,’ says Jilly, ‘because my Rupert in the book is blond and blue-eyed, and Alex is very dark-eyed and olive-skinned. But he’s such a good actor.’

From the moment he strides out of the loo having had supersonic sex (he makes Mach 1 at the same time as the plane) with the Daily Scorpion journalist ghosting his memoirs, Alex Hassell owns RCB, as Jilly fans call him. ‘I always believe in laying one’s ghost,’ he sighs as he swaggers back down the aisle, and the millions of women who grew up fancying the rotter know they’re in safe hands.

It wasn’t all plain sailing for Alex though. ‘Some days I’d be quite intimidated because the scene would describe Rupert walking into a room and everybody stops and looks at him and swoons,’ he says. ‘I was nervous about that, but everyone was told to act as if I was Harry Styles, and then my day turned into a wonderful day.’ So what does he think of Rupert? ‘While he is in many ways a s***, he’s not a bad man.’

Rivals is a riot and a romp, faithful to the book but with some sinuous updating to make what was the ultimate 80s tale of wealth, power and corporate backstabbing more nuanced. It is shagtastically good fun and if you’re old enough to have properly enjoyed the 80s, you’ll be drowning in nostalgia for those brash, optimistic champagne-fuelled years.

There are chaps in pinstripes and scarlet braces; women in power suits with root perms and earrings the size of a bin lid. Desk toys have an un-ironic place on boardroom tables and chintz runs amok in the English country house. Everyone is somewhere between slightly tight and completely plastered a lot of the time and can get up to mischief without being found out by their phone. The soundtrack alone will make you cry with longing.

‘We do it lovingly, but as the series goes on we address feminism, racism, sexuality, homophobia and snobbery,’ says showrunner Dominic Treadwell-Collins, who sees Jilly Cooper as a social commentator on a par with Austen or Dickens. ‘Rivals is a raucous party that gets darker. We keep our moments of joy, but the party gets a bit more warped.’

That’s not to say this new Disney+ eight-parter is any less fruity than the book. ‘If you had that copy you borrowed from your friend and it fell open at various pages – we’ve done all those bits,’ he acknowledges.

That classic Cooper sauce is still in there too. ‘How long do you spend on a cock?’ one guest asks Lady Monica Baddingham at a pheasant shoot. ‘Well, generally speaking, I can finish one off in 15 minutes or less, but my hands aren’t as quick as they used to be,’ she replies.

Or when TV technicians prep Rupert for his interview with TV journalist Declan O’Hara (played by Aidan Turner, yes, he of the topless scything). ‘The make-up artist is going to touch you up,’ they tell him. ‘I’d love her to,’ says RCB, ‘but I’m just about to appear on national television.’

There’s lashings of this since we are back in the (imagined) county of Rutshire, deep in the (real) Cotswolds, the setting for Jilly Cooper’s multi-million-selling Rutshire Chronicles series of novels. Riders, the first book, introduced Rupert as he chased Olympic showjumping gold. In Rivals, the second, Rutshire’s commercial TV station Corinium is up for franchise renewal and RCB is again at the heart of the action. ‘In bedroom and boardroom,’ promises Jilly, ‘the fight to capture the Cotswold Crown is on.’

Lord Tony Baddingham is Corinium’s boss. He’s on Concorde too, locking horns with Rupert, now a rising star in the Thatcher government, two of the ‘rivals’ of the title. He is played, with just the right amount of aristo-executive villainy, by David Tennant, persuaded to take the role by his wife, Georgia, also an actor and a huge Jilly Cooper fan.

‘I had my research fellow, who I live with, who could tell me anything I needed to know,’ laughs David, adding his casting caused a frisson at the school gate. ‘It’s a certain generation of women who go a bit giddy at the thought this has become a TV show. I just hope we can meet everybody’s fantasies…’

Well, if those fantasies include seeing Aidan Turner’s bare bottom you can tick that one off the list though he is, unusually for Rutshire, bedding his own wife at the time, rather than someone else’s. Declan O’Hara is Lord Baddingham’s star hire, married to fiery Maud, a man-hungry former actress.

Maud is played by Victoria Smurfit who really, really wanted the role and went full ‘Rutshire’ to get it. ‘I made this big decision where I thought, “Go big or go home.” It was December: freezing cold, ice on the ground, snow coming down through London. And when I arrived at the audition space, I had my coat on, and I walked in to meet the team who were in hats and gloves because it was even cold in the studio. I said, “Hello, I am Maud. You’re all dressed for London in December and – I threw my coat off and had this flimsy dress on underneath – I’m dressed for summer in the Cotswolds, darling!” Going home was quite chilly, I’m not going to lie, but it was worth it.’

In Rivals she specialises in making an entrance: do enjoy the scene with the camel.

As for Aidan Turner, with an absolute whopper of a moustache, Day-Glo yellow socks and a battered old Mini Cooper, he’s more workaholic dad than sex god. ‘That car, it’s got four gears but only three work,’ he groans. ‘The floor has holes in it. I think we maxed at 42mph. It was like driving a go-kart.’

Like all the actors, he knows his Mini isn’t the only bit of Rivals that could have looked clapped out in 2024, if not for the clever screenwriting. ‘I think we’re saying, “These are examples of the problematic behaviour that was acceptable at the time,”’ he reflects. ‘Some of it still does exist, but a lot has changed. It’s interesting to watch a show like ours and think, “We’re still doing that, maybe we should have left it in the 80s.”’

That said, ‘people having sex’, as David Tennant gleefully points out, ‘is timeless’ and all the characters are still aboard a classic Jilly Cooper sexual carousel. Baddingham is having an affair with his brilliant American TV producer Cameron Cook (now a black character), and Rupert is fending off Maud while falling in love with the eldest O’Hara daughter Taggie (played by Sex Education’s Bella Maclean), who’s only 20.

Electronics mogul Freddie Jones (Danny Dyer) and his wife Valerie are the nouveau riche trying to crampon their way up to social acceptance, but Freddie has feelings for novelist Lizzie, whose husband is Corinium’s ghastly news anchor James Vereker. Then there’s disgraced deputy PM Paul Stratton, newly married to his mistress Sarah (Emily Atack), who we first meet playing naked tennis with Rupert.

It’s a legendary Rivals scene (inspired by the tennis court at Jilly’s own house in the Cotswolds) where the tennis ball isn’t the only thing bouncing over the net. ‘The tennis scene was probably one of my favourites,’ says Emily. ‘It was a beautiful sunny day and I’d been exercising, I’d been – I wouldn’t say dieting, I love wine and pasta too much – but I’d been doing my sit-ups and my squats, and I was ready to do this naked scene!’

So it really is Love All, even among Rutshire’s lusty teenagers, for whom ‘I’ve got some Malibu upstairs’ is still a winning pick-up line. And this only takes us to the mid-point of the series: there are four further episodes and a lot more bed-hopping and dastardly boardroom behaviour to come.

It’s hard to overstate the scale, complexity and gleaming polish of the show, with its ensemble cast and Cotswold locations crammed with pale gold mansions, buttercups, bluebells and red phone boxes. (You might recognise 16th-century Chavenage House near Tetbury, which becomes the O’Haras’ home, The Priory, because that too was in Poldark.) There are sweaty horses, bounding hounds and huntsmen in their pinks.

Dinner parties start with pheasant and finish with pavlova, and guests disco dance until it’s time for a Survivors Breakfast. Picnics are enjoyed out the back of a Land Rover – green, what else – and Rupert Campbell-Black is secretly so lonely he shares his bath with his favourite black Labrador, Beaver.

The original book was 720 pages long and they’ve done it proud. Some days, according to Alex Hassell, there were 42 main characters on set at the same time, making it, he thinks, the biggest film unit in Europe.

Vintage Ungaro and Laura Ashley were sourced for the women, 80s-style suits handmade for the men. A safe had to be brought in to stash the 80s watches which are now worth an eye-watering amount. Someone’s mum knitted a bunch of pre-divorce Diana jumpers, Nafessa Williams, who plays Cameron Cook, modelled her ponytail on Sade’s and Danny Dyer drew on his own experience of snobbery as he, a working-class untrained actor, fought to break into theatre.

Emily Atack took to watching reruns of Top Of The Pops in which her own mother, the actress and singer Kate Robbins, appeared, by way of research. Everyone is wearing Wayfarers. Cadbury’s Fruit And Nut still comes in paper and gold foil while Wham!, Roxy Music, ABC and The Communards are on the radio. You can virtually smell the Elnett extra strong hold hairspray, the Drakkar Noir aftershave and the garlic chicken vol au vents warming through in an Aga somewhere.

Like the rest of the cast, Nafessa Williams knew what she was getting into with her sex scenes (Cameron has relationships with first Lord Baddingham and then Rupert). ‘I mean, we all knew what we were coming to do, so there were no surprises. I think it’s a matter of making sure you’re comfortable with each other and you’re listening and asking questions: is it OK to do this? Is it not OK to do that? It is a dance, so you essentially have to practise that dance before going on the dance floor.’

Plus, because Rivals is a bonkbuster – a label which has both supporters and critics among the cast – there was safety in numbers, as Emily Atack explains. ‘When we were doing all these scenes, we flocked to each other to talk about it, and support each other and really big each other up and we laughed about it. They were such a huge part of our bonding as a cast and as friends. It really interested me to see what nudity does to human beings – we were all like giggling teenagers, hugging each other, high-fiving each other, going, “Oh my God! Yes! You did it!”’

That said, they were all rigorously policed by not one but two intimacy co-ordinators, something which would not have happened had Rivals been turned into telly closer to the time the book came out. The intimacy team placed a partially deflated fitness ball between some of the actors so they could rock and create rhythm while having a physical barrier. Others were encouraged to use a tap-in tap-out psychological technique, clapping their hands before a take to signal to themselves they were in character, and then clapping at the call of ‘Cut’ to signal they’re themselves again. ‘We’ve been equal opportunities with sex,’ says Dominic Treadwell-Collins. ‘You will see an awful lot of willies.’

It was the only way to film the lovely, unbridled sort of sex synonymous with Jilly Cooper and the author, now a venerable 87 years old, is characteristically relaxed and happy about the outcome. ‘I trusted Dominic like mad,’ she says, ‘I knew it would be all right!’

A superstar writer since the 60s, made a DBE for services to literature and charity in this year’s New Year Honours, she wasn’t at all bothered when one of the actors, Lara Peake who plays Corinium PA Daysee, failed to recognise her at a read-through. ‘She came over and said, “Oh, you’re the lovely Daysee,”’ Lara recalls. ‘I said, “Yeah, I’m so excited. Who are you playing?” She was like, “No, darling, I’m Jilly…”’

‘Rivals is my favourite novel,’ confirms the author ahead of the series dropping later this month, ‘because I love the characters so much. Even the most ruthless display moments of vulnerability and the shyest show courage and integrity as true love blossoms.’

But can you believe it, RCB almost wasn’t in the book. ‘Originally, I intended to leave out Rupert, my hellraising hero, because in Riders he was cruel both to women and his horses,’ says Jilly. ‘But I missed his glamour and humour.’ She belatedly wrote him back in as a lead, reinforcing his place as one of the most lustworthy men in British fiction.

She says she loves the ‘ruthless glamour’ Alex Hassell brings to her creation, while admiring the greater vulnerability and tenderness the Rivals writers’ room has imagined for RCB today.

His casting has been the subject of heated debate everywhere from Mumsnet to The Tack Room, the online chat area of Horse & Hound. The actor almost withdrew from the first audition because he couldn’t see himself making everyone swoon but, by golly!, to borrow a Jilly Cooperism, he does. So much so he was sad when the shoot was over. ‘No one was looking at me like I’m the most sexy man on the planet any more,’ he says. ‘It was tough.’

Anyway, if you’d like to watch him make your screen melt, are old enough to remember the 80s, or young enough to think it must have been cool to be there, then clear eight hours in your diary because you won’t be able to stop watching Rivals.

But start early or you’ll be late to bed, and that would never do, not in Jilly Cooper’s world.

All episodes of Rivals are exclusively on Disney+ from 18 October.

[leiflitter]

it's a two-parter today!

Oliver couldn't let anything ruin what they had now, not even Felix himself. When they'd fought he'd felt the capacity for resentment, for the love between them to be killed by a thousand tiny wounds. If they didn't fix this, they'd be kicking an emotional hornets’ nest. He didn't want to sit at opposite ends of that long table, resolutely pretending everything was fine. He liked his seat beside Felix far better, but if you wanted to play footsie under the dining table, you had to put in the groundwork.

How much of it was lies?  Elspeth saying she loved both of her children equally, but they all knew Vee was superfluous to requirements. Felix was the favorite, the heir, the special boy- and yet he couldn't remember his mother actually complimenting him on something he'd done or made or… It was forever his looks, or his perceived niceness, never… Had his mother ever been truly proud of him? Had his father? Had his parents ever looked at him the way he looked at his children, so amazed that he'd played a part in making them?  

[jester-creates]

Full list of most of my ocs

ill just list important stuff about them (and maybe some bits on au versions of them.) Under read more cause this is going to be long. maybe a two parter. Feel free to ask about any of them

Oliver (known as Shifting Baker in the oc title ask game

I Have a few consistent traits for him. He is always on the range of Hard of Hearing to Deaf. He is always a shapeshifter(cause of which changes depending on the version). He is almost always transmasc, Biromantic and ace. He also always has naturally white hair. He loves baking

some versions of him (plus nicknames):

Playdo (Tma version of oliver)

he's almost fully a Stranger avatar after he got erased from memory after a very dumb wish. uses a hearing aid. has a boyfriend. Gets regular scam calls from the circus. (There's another au version of him where he got taken by the Circus)

Expo (Experiment au Oliver)

ditto hybrid after experimentation stuff. (au is partly inspired by Chained Wings by Vampirebadger) Fully Deaf, uses notepad or phone to mainly communicate, eventually learns sign. (i ended up shipping him with Nemona). Also loves to battle.

Change-o (pla pirate au version)

He's a Changeling here. with one level in rogue. shows up for at least one arc.

---

Juliana (she was originally the sv female mc but i changed enough about her that she is an oc now. i never got a better name)(aka Chaotic One in the title ask game)

consistent traits for her:

Oliver's sister (whether biological or self appointed). also typically has white hair. She's a lesbian.

some versions of her(no nicknames yet):

Tma version

biological twin to Oliver. randomly noticed a person in old family photos that she swore was never there before and goes down a rabbit hole of finding more and more evidence of an entire sibling she forgot about

Experiment au version

Miraidon hybrid after unethical science in area zero. twin to Oliver as well but they don't find that out for a while. (ended up shipping her with penny)

pla pirate au version

She's a Goblin here and runs a scam with Oliver. Shows up in at least one arc in this au.

---

Cassandra Achroma (aka the Victorian Biologist)

She is a Colress ancestor oc that I solely use in Experiment au. She does a lot in that au though. She's also Aroace (but very invested in her coworkers love life. It's free entertainment). She's also technically the cause of her own time loop.

---

Brittle (aka The Ghost)

And then there's Brittle... She's dead.

She is also transfem and French. Her full name is Peanut Brittle. She named herself.

Experiment au version

She's a rotom after she dies due to science gone wrong. ends up haunting two of the scientists after that. ends up being caught by Juliana somehow

Pirate au version

Reborn (undead) human. lives with Scarlet. (may also be part of the scam Oliver and juliana are doing)

---

Scarlet (Aka Feral Flower)

Became an oc after i made a joke character who is a floette that knows Bite and got attached to her. No matter what amount of class or refinery it eventually puts on, she is always itching for a fight and it's clear that it wants one. She's always heavily related to plants.

Experiment au version

Just a flabebe/floette/Florges that knows Bite. She gets better at not biting things as it gets older. It was caught by Juliana in a dark tera raid.

Pirate au version

A summer Eladrin (Feywild elf). She has levels in Barbarian and Druid. Always ready to fight. Lives with Brittle.

---

Tees (aka The Singing Soldier)(originally my dnd pc)

It's a robot with sentience forced upon it. As well as a moustache. It likes the moustache though. It was not built for war or fighting, even though it ended up doing a lot of that, but instead to be a performance (like one of those guys who advertise war) and for moral support (its preprogrammed stuff was not that good at it, very superficial.) It speaks with a British accent. It is compulsed to follow any order given to it.

Tma version

This version of Tees was one of the automatons at that one version of the Unknowing in the 1700's. It gained sentience after the ritual collapsed, likely due to a bit of Slaughter shrapnel finding it's way into it. It starts wandering trying to fill the void of its purpose. All the while the Slaughter shrapnel begins to corrupt its alignment to the Stranger until so little of it is left that Tees begins to have an identity. It ends up fighting in a couple wars before being kidnapped by the Circus (cause it was part of that older Stranger ritual). Makes friends with an au version of Playdo who also got kidnapped for being a Stranger avatar in the wrong place and wrong time.

Original dnd character

Definitely not haunted and given sentience and magic due from its dead friends (who are definitely not an off-brand version of the Mechanisms). Made for moral support forced to babysit the rest of the party. Once scared off a Death God.

---

Marcus Quillia (aka the Burned Detective)

One of my oldest ocs. A Private detective who was in a fire directly related to the death of his cousin/best friend. He then wants revenge against what took his cousin from him. He also got fire powers from that fire. He has black and white peppered hair after it.

Marked (ocverse) version

A private detective who tends to be hired by the police. He has a personal vendetta against the international thief known as Jester after an insane Rube Goldberg series of coincidences made it look like they were the ones who killed his cousin. (Actually due to a different oc I'm still formulating so not on this list yet) way too complicated to get into here. He gets a therapy dog after the fire.

he has the Mark of The Burned

Tma version

he was marked and attacked by a Desolation creature which sparked a hatred of Monsters (Fear creatures and avatars specifically). 1 step away from becoming full Hunt/desolation avatar, 1 or two especially cruel kills to throw away his humanity.

he is really good at his job though (thanks to that hunt alignment). he manages to find a person erased from memory years ago even after they changed their gender. (Juliana hired him to find Oliver). (he also later tries to kill oliver because he accidentally did a Stranger avatar thing in front of him.) (in the version where Oliver gets kidnapped, he does manage to help (by getting his killing monsters fix from other circus members)

---

Jester (aka masked Jesters)(not my sona)

surprisingly i only use these guys in my ocverse.

They are a pretty famous thief, loving to rob things and maybe return things if they feel like it. Accidentally managed to get framed for murder during one.

they are basically haunted by previous wielders of his mark. specifically the ones who's masks they have. (it's complicated

they have the Mark of The Masked. they have three masks that they can switch between for specific powers. this comes with a few drawbacks. each mask is only tied to one of the "ghosts" and only functions when they put it fully on and its assigned "ghost" is in control and the only remotely responsible one is basically powerless with the power they got

I'll probably explain more in a different post.

---

Arthur (Aka King Of Stories)

He's an amnesiac with a texan accent who woke up in a fantasy land (modded minecraft) and eventually finds a kid, whom he adopts(Sigyn <3). He ends up getting mainly involved with fire magic. he names most of the things he tames/adopts after the myths he remembers

he was a ex-soldier who later went into museum curation before he got isekai'd. he's wearing his uniform still but it's been through a lot and he's repaired it with magical thread.

He may or may not have committed necromancy and he may or may not be covering up the permanent scar with a mask he found while exploring. A father's love can bring them to some dark places.

he's also taken up sewing recently

Tma au version

He's still an ex-soldier turned museum curator here, but that changes when the Eyepocalyse comes around. He was one of those who didn't exactly feel Fear after an encounter so he can roam the domains, but of course the Eyepocalyse had to change that and gave him someone to Fear for. (Sigyn <3) She joins him as he roams the domains but now the creatures/domain people will notice them as they move. When they attack, they don't go for Arthur, they go for Sigyn instead.

He's a bit Desolation aligned so he can have fire powers. His main weapon he uses to attack is a axe/Labrys he stole from the museum he worked at when the eyepocalypse started.

He does end up fighting some avatars as he goes through domains

---

Sigyn (<3) (aka young Witch)

She's an adaptation of a modded minecraft npc I got attached to.

She's a young witch/wixie (not human though) approximately a 7 year old, but still very knowledgeable about potions.

Arthur found her after he got a request from a paranoid cleric to see if someone was breaking into their church thing while they slept. Sigyn was actually doing so, to try to teach herself to read and to use the potion stand in the church.

She can fly using her broom.

TMA au version

Arthur finds her in a domain dedicated to the Corruption. She was the avatar in charge of it, a child giving adults poisonous potions they cant refuse, too young to really understand what she's doing to them or what's happening with the apocalypse. She ends up going with Arthur as he roams, looking for any safe haven in this apocalypse.

---

Wilhelm von Wolfgang

He's a rich bastard (/affectionate). He is his country's greatest violator of labor laws but keeps getting out of it cause he's rich. I hate him. He's one of my favorite characters to write/play as. He cannot stand still without the aid of a cane. He's basically like if a werewolf was a capitalist in both forms. His view of people poorer than him oscillates between 'I can use them' and 'I never want to see them again'. He's neutral evil. He will skip any corner to make more money. I love him.

---

Acheron Atropos

he's a goth king literally. I made him for a friend's (@/shattered-hue) ocverse where we made characters based based off of bugs and plants and Acheron was made from the Death's Head Moth, whose scientific name is where i pulled his name from.

(still working a bit on him)

---

Sylvan (aka Traveling Librarian)

Sylvan becomes a Head Librarian of a Branch of an Infinite Library after they manage to survive to basically the end of his universe after one of the worst outcomes of 2020, which was all the Stars decided to poof due to multiverse reasons.

he occasionally visits other universes to just get Stories. As an Infinite Library always has room for more books.

---

Virginia Berry(aka the Captain)

From my ocverse: Marked. She has a tattoo of a ship on her back that she can turn into an actual ship that she can control. She has the Mark of the Captain.

I got her name by putting together two of the more famous female pirates.

---

[somehow unnamed as of yet](Aka Truth's artist)

from my ocverse. they have the ability to see a person's greatest secret drawn onto them. (as a general example, a person whose greatest secret is that they killed someone would would have blood drawn onto them). it can be very visually overstimulating for them at times. They ended up getting a (rather bad) job for the government, cause despite how old these "Marks" are they're still rather unknown.

[lover-of-mine]

Lady Whistledown. This is a 2 parter because I was going to write you just before they posted the deleted scene and Oliver posted a stroy. Because it was basically they were waiting all morning to make sure nothing was posted. They thought Tim would probably give a stern talking too and all SM would be sort of silent for a bit. They were feeling a little out of the woods and good. But then boom it happened pretty much and the same time and I had to step away so decided to wait to check in again

And the reactions in Narnia are all over the place. How dare Oliver post with no apology yet. How come 911 had to post them both so it was circling back to putting focus on Buddie and still no Lou. Also, there is not a lot of confidence in that scene, proving anything with Shannon and him being 100% straight. I would actually sort of argue that Buddies seem more skeptical of the scene than BT people. If anything, I saw a few people say it shows confusion.

Also, what will Thursday bring if they keep dropping deleted scenes that are getting closer to Buddie deleted material. You know saving the best for last sort of scared.

But in general, the BT promotion office is in shambles.

Hi love 🩷

So they were expecting Oliver to drop off the face of the earth because he got told off by Tim, but instead we got a scene and a selfie. Nice. Waiting for Oliver to apologize is so ?????

I hadn't thought about a buddie deleted scene lol yk I've been saying I don't think we are getting a scene but I like the saving the best for last mentality for real. Imagine we get something? Heads would explode lol

But it was just another day of hoping for something and getting smacked in the face, then?

[amethystsoda]

Soooo, the next Dungeon Meshi recipe is a 3 parter (if we skip the. Falin’s bones + warg recipe 😅😅 bc I can’t do necromancy 😞💀)

The roast looks like a ham because of the traditional score marks

However, the “dragon tail soup” is basically a chinese oxtail soup—the ingredients are exactly the same as in the manga.

(Also was looking up what a chinese turnip would be in the USA, and found out it’s JICAMA!)

It’s funny to think about 2 different meats from the same creature, but I think for the sake of the recipe taste, I should do it that way…

And last is the onion flatbread which is just pizza dough, caramelized onions, and cheese—i may add an olive oil base and spices though to enhance it!

[mean-scarlet-deceiver]

Not saying it's a bad book but it's definitely overrated: Enterprising Engines needs to be brought down a peg. Tenders for Henry has a funny story but it's odd with just how jarring the tone shift from Gordon being depressed about his dead family to "HaHa! Henry's Got The Shit Tenders!" Super Rescue is a great story but has this overplayed "Stairway to Heaven" effect of being adored by the fandom to where there are so many versions of it that fail to capture what about it was so good in the first place. I guess that makes it the Railway Series Wonderwall? IDK that might be Gordon Goes Foreign. Escape and Little Western are a Two-Parter that really ought to be one whole complete story. IDK but like they really can't stand on their own legs -- especially Little Western cause it's just wrapping up every story thread from the book into one little neat bow so it's not really a story of its own shape. There are also some really... odd things said narratively about what are "Real Engines" that just stains more and more of this period of the books as good so long as Granpuff Awdry doesn't bring up his dislike for diesel engines. Case in Point: Topham during Little Western. Yeesh. Plus, while this is more a style quirk I've noticed, it falls victim to Awdry's Classic Blunder of "I'll introduce a character in this story, but I'll do something with them later." I mean, at least he did something with Oliver after this, but poor Bear got the short end of the stick in a baaad way.

You are a messy bitch who loves drama. I've got a bouquet of roses for you somewhere.

[writings-by-fairy]

Okay I need help 😭

I want to get back into writing and finish my requests (so many apologies for the delay and so thankful for those who are waiting). One of my requests is a Cooliver two parter where they each lose their virginity to each other. One chapter is Oliver topping then Cooper topping.

So my question is who should top first and maybe even how?? (Poll below) Like how did they get to this conclusion, position, where etc. feel free to comment on this or direct message me :)

plz if you have ANY input, plz tell me because I want to write so so so so bad but have major writers block.

[atlasalexanderwrites]

Welcome Home Baby Brother (a Queen!Reader x Malcolm Merlyn verse one shot)...

IMAGINE...being the eldest child to Robert Queen, (Being in a relationship with Malcolm Merlyn,) and having your baby brother, Oliver, come back from the dead after five, long years.

Word Count: 1,868

Warning: Possible out-of-character canon characters! Spoilers for any readers who haven’t watched Arrow (I guess lol)

A/N: This one got longer than I expected it to so I’ve decided to make it a two parter! PART SEVEN(7) will be a continuation of Oliver’s return home!

A/N2: I hope you all enjoy!

PT 1 2 3 4 5 7

(GIF ISNT MINE FOUND IT ON GOOGLE IMAGE! WILL REMOVE IF ASKED)

“You killed my Father and Brother.” The words had spilled from your mouth with so much belief, each syllable coated with a venom that might as well have been acid. You had been so angry, and your words had caused you to grow even more so.

You had stared across that coffee table at Malcolm, each of you seated on separate lush couches in his Merlyn Global, Starling City Branch office. Your gaze was made of daggers, your hands tightened into fists as you spoke once more.

“I don’t know why, not yet, but I will find out somehow and when I do…when I get proof that you caused the Queen’s Gambit to go down, I will watch you burn in hell.”

After a quick exchange of words, back and forth, you had sworn you wouldn’t regret your actions as you brought your knee up, driving it into his chest with a force nowhere near what you had meant to hit him with.

You hadn’t thought that you would regret hitting him, taking your anger and well-hidden grief out on him.

You had believed so deeply the whispered secrets you had accidentally overheard Moira and Frank say in the entry hall of your family’s mansion, there had never been a reason not to believe your dead father’s wife, and that belief had led you to Malcolm’s office. That belief led you to drive your knee into his chest after realizing how big his hands were compared to your own, after realizing that Malcolm wasn’t a man to mess with, after realizing that...that for once in your life you had been rash and let your emotions cloud your better judgement.

You had sworn not to regret it, he argued otherwise as his hand wrapped tightly around your throat.

You still believed that he had done something to your father’s yacht.

Malcolm swore otherwise. He had been oh, so convincing.

Even now, that moment between the two of you - the first ever kiss you had shared - was cloaked in confusion for you. Why had it happened? It came out of nowhere. Had he said something else before his lips were pressed to your own? Was it really just you staring up at him like an injured animal, confused and hopeless, that pulled him forward and led to that kiss?

Was there another moment you weren’t aware of? Something that even now was out of place, hidden in plain sight?

You were left so confused after that. Every time you saw him, for months after, all you could do was fight against whatever pull he had suddenly gained on you. Breathless with your thoughts always racing, you had sworn to yourself that Malcolm hadn’t killed your father and brother, but you had already placed yourself in Malcolm’s radar and even if you had truly wanted nothing to do with him, there was no way he would have allowed it until he was done.

Confused or not. Understanding what you were getting yourself into or not.

You chose Malcolm Merlyn to be your one selfish thing in life after spending your entire life being the good girl. The Golden Queen Child. The one who never stepped a single toe out of line.

Whether it ended badly or not...whether Malcolm turned out to be the bad guy or not...you chose him and all the pain that came with him.

You may have underestimated how much pain that was.

And what that pain could cause when left to fester and spill over.

*

“...believed to have died five years ago when his family’s yacht went down during a storm, Starling City’s Oliver Queen - of Queen’s Consolidated - has been found alive...”

On television sets across the country this broadcast was being shown. For complete strangers, it meant nothing to them. Wow. A billionaire playboy had been found after his family’s boat was lost at sea. Cool. For those in Starling City who knew of the Queen family, of Oliver in particular, there was a mixed reaction. Some were excited to have the well-known party boy back in town; the city was never dull with Oliver Queen around. For others, there was apprehension and sadness. If Oliver was alive, what about the others who had been on that yacht with him? Why did Oliver get to live, and the others didn’t?

And you?

For you it meant everything.

You were alone in the home you shared with Malcolm; he was overseas on a business trip and you had just returned from a very long day at Queen’s Consolidated when your late-father’s wife had called in a rush, ordering you to turn on the nearest television.

Whatever you had expected it to be, it certainly wasn’t a news broadcast reporting your baby brother to still be alive. Reporting that Oliver had survived the Gambit going down, reporting that Oliver had been shipwrecked for the last five years, and reporting that your father’s only son was on his way home.

Shock wasn’t a strong enough word to describe the feeling that immediately settled in your stomach when realization of what the news broadcast was reporting finally registered.

You could hear Moira saying something on the other end just before the call ended, your step mother having hung up.

Your cell was abandoned on the coffee table as you sat on the couch, watching the broadcast over and over. At one point, there was a far away live feed showing an airstrip and a crowd of people screaming as a dozen people descended from the single airplane that sat on the runway.

You couldn’t make out which was your brother; all of them kept their heads down and hurried to the awaiting cars.

Was it really him? Was he truly alive?

How long had you prayed for this? How long had you asked God for a miracle and to bring back Oliver? You had even offered up your own life if it meant your stepmother and Thea would have Oliver back.

And now it’s happening. And instead of taking his place, we’re both alive. We’re both here...neither of us will be taken away from Moira and Thea.

There was no thought then about the changes that happened in your family; there was no thought about things that rock Oliver’s world, about the things that were going to be a shock - things that could upset him.

Moira and Walter.

Malcolm and I.

Thea’s attitude.

Tommy and Laurel...whatever is happening between the two of them even if Tommy tries to hide it.

You wondered if your father had had any last words. You wondered if Oliver had been there with him if Robert Queen had lived long enough to say goodbye to his middle child.

And you wondered what kind of person Oliver was returning to Starling City as. Was he a playboy still? What horrors had he been forced to live through on that island?

Are you still my baby brother, Ollie?

Please. Please still be my baby brother.

*

How is one meant to act as they stand in their family’s home, waiting for a long-believed dead family member to be brought home?

You wished you had the answer as you stood in the living room, heart racing, and waited for Moira to return home. Nervously, you played with the ring on your left hand and hoped that everything went alright at the hospital.

“...your room is exactly as you left it...”

You met Walter’s gaze only briefly before he was heading into the entrance hall to greet your stepmother and brother.

You followed, remaining in the doorway - taking a moment to take Oliver in.

He looked the same. And the smile he gave your family’s maid, Raisa, melted your heart. There he was. Your sweet, baby brother.

A door shut from upstairs, drawing Oliver’s attention just as Raisa informed Moira that “Mr. Merlyn” would be joining the family for dinner.

Tommy, of course, as Malcolm was still away on business.

You barely acknowledged that small exchange, honestly, as you watched Oliver focus entirely on the stairs. On Thea.

Your heart broke all over again at their reunion; tears streaming down your cheeks as you watched your baby brother and baby sister interact after the tragedy that had fallen your family that fateful night when the Gambit went down during that storm.

Look at them dad. Look at us.

You weren't sure where the thought came from; it had been so long since you had thought about what your father would think if he could see the family he left behind. It reminded you of the pain and the sadness you had felt when you realized that only Oliver had returned, that Robert Queen was truly gone forever.

“Y/n,” Oliver’s voice saying your name pulled you from your thoughts before you could spiral down any further.

At first it didn't even register that he had spoken, and then you lifted your gaze and met his, stared back at your brother who looked so happy after reuniting with Thea. Happy, but with a darkened undertone that later you would wonder how much Oliver had gone through while he was shipwrecked?

Still, even with the onslaught of curiosity and thought...a sob ripped its way from your chest as you rushed forward and finally hugged your brother, holding Oliver for the first time in five years (but oh lord did it feel like so much longer).

"Oh Oliver. Olive." Thea and others referred to him with the nickname Ollie, but he had always been Olive to you. Since the day five year old you so proudly and confidently held newborn Oliver Queen for the very first time and swore to protect him with your own life.

As the two of you got older, your use of the nickname had faded; Oliver got older and became embarrassed by it, but as it slipped from your lips then your brother didn't cringe away from you as he would have years earlier, instead, Oliver's arms tightened around you and softly whispered the nickname he had childishly given you when he was a baby just learning to talk. A nickname he hadn't used since he became a teenager.

There was so much you wanted to tell him; so much you just wanted to start catching him up on. You wanted to apologize for being a bitch toward him the last time you saw him; for treating him like he was a mistake and worthless, useless to the Queen family name...

He knew. You knew that your baby brother knew how sorry you were and how grateful you were to have him back by that bright, Oliver Queen smile he gave you when the two of you finally ended your hug.

“Y/n/n,” your nickname, again, fell from Oliver’s mouth and you wanted to start breathing all over again. “You still look bossy.”

“Yeah well...” you cleared your throat and laughed shortly, “I have two younger siblings who need a bossy older sister. They’re always getting into trouble, you know.”

Oliver just chuckled and whispered, “Don’t I know it.”

You smiled, at the time oblivious to the hidden something in his words.

*

A/N3: I hope you all enjoyed it and that it’s a worthy addition to the series! Apologies for it taking a while to get typed out and posted! Please consider liking, reblogging, leaving a comment, and donating to my Kofi! Thank you so much! Please stay safe and healthy!

~ Atlex0616

[sweet-sammy-kisses]

Journalist on twitter who have seen the episode already have confirmed the karaoke is cut completely and most of the bachelor party as well. And said fans should lower their expectations for what did remain.

I stay far away from the 911 fandom on X/Twitter and haven't used it in a few months, so I don't know who reports on the show or not. So if this is true, then I have to wonder why they just didn't make this a two parter episode. They could have used the last new episode as part one, cutting out the stupid nun/Marisol moves in and out the same weekend storyline. Kept Buck coming out to Eddie, have the bachelor party in the second half of the episode and ending with Buck and Eddie arriving at the wedding with no idea where Chimney is.

I know some stuff would be cut, but the fact they removed scenes they have been using to promote the episode, mostly Buddie scenes when they could/should have focused on Maddie/Chimney, they wouldn't be getting backlash from Buddie fans.

This also reminds me of that episode where they cut almost, but the Taylor Kelly and Lou storyline that had fans disappointed and not afraid to take to SM.

I feel really sorry for Oliver because he was so excited to film this episode that it was his favorite of the season, and if they cut most of the bachelor party.

I decided for myself if I enjoy an episode/show, and I will do so for this episode. Hear is hoping it is not a big letdown. I hope they release the karaoke and bachelor scenes on SM or work it into another episode of this season.