#old people literally do not care they will say anything and shame you for everything apparently lol

[girlvinland]

Oh my goddddd I just had the stupidest interaction at the gym I’m gonna lose my mind.

[hughiecampbelle]

The Boys Preference: Being Self-Destructive

Requested: Heeeeyyyyy can I request an angst but hurt/comfort request with a main lot from boys where r is like a younger sibling to them but struggles with self-worth and is self-destructive and it worries them? - anon

A/N: Thank you for requesting my love! I really hope you like it! Feedback is always appreciated my loves!!!! 💜💜💜

Butcher wants to smack some sense into you. Literally. But he can't because that would be wrong and probably drive you away even more. Instead, he yells and screams and badgers the same old subjects because you don't change, you don't listen. You fight back. The screaming matches you two get into are legendary. You fight anywhere and everywhere. The drinking, the drugs, the hurting yourself and other people, it was all unacceptable. He saw you as a younger sibling, someone to protect. He wasn't going to be around forever and you needed to get your shit together before then. He had to know you'd be okay without him. This was your life. If you wanted to set it on fire, you had every right to. Butcher was a hypocrite and you both knew it.

Hughie worries about you constantly. Every time you miss a meeting or a mission, every time you disappear for days on end, it fills him with anxiety and dread. There's nothing he can do to stop you, you're an adult. And yet, he goes through every scenario possible, every worst case scenario. Everyone tells him to give up on you. You're trouble. But he can't help but feel responsible for you the way an older brother would. When you show up at his place in the middle of the night he drops everything. You're so unhappy, it hurts him to see. Drunk or high or just messed up, he always let's you in. He makes sure you're fed and safe even if it ends up hurting him in the end. He can't turn his back on you. And when you leave again, because you always do, he'll call and text and make sure you know you have someone in your corner.

Annie gives you your space at first. She thinks you need some time to deal with your shit just like everyone else. But when nothing seems to be getting better, when your tendencies become even more self-destructive, she can't sit by and watch. She hates to do this, especially when she sees you as a younger sibling, but she gives you an ultimatum: her and your friends or throwing your life and potential away. Blinded by your insecurity and shame and self-consciousness, you pick yourself. You havent spoken to her since, but she reaches out constantly. Texting and calling and showing up at your place, waiting for hours, hoping she'll run into you. You don't want to see her or any of them. If you wanted to hurt yourself then you would. You wouldn't let them control you. She doesn't regret what she's done, but she feels terrible about it. Everyone says she did the right thing.

M.M. can be cruel at times. He doesn't want you throwing your life away like this. The drinking, the drugs, hanging out with the wrong crowds, this isn't you. He takes more of a fatherly role than a brotherly one. He can't help himself. He sees the self-destruction and he wants to shake you, snap something in you until it makes sense. Until you see the value you have as a person. He's nit the only one who sees the decline, but he I'd the most vocal. Sometimes it's tough love, other times it's gentle parenting. He'll try anything and everything if it means going back to the person you were. Sure, the team needed you, but Marvin needed you more. He didn't care about the things you've done in that were done to you, it didn't matter to him. Just getting better was what he cared about. Getting better and finding your way back to yourself.

Frenchie knows exactly what you're feeling. You hate yourself and you hurt yourself and it's a vicious cycle of bandaging your wounds only to reopen them again. He tries to talk to you, to get through to you the best he can, but it's so hard to listen. You really don't believe you're worth an ounce of kindness or forgiveness. Your past haunts you. Your decisions, your experiences, what's been done to you. When you mess up, he's always there for you. He knows what it's like, he wouldn't wish it on anyone else, but especially not you. He doesn't believe in lost causes and he would never give up on you the way others have. You just need time and understanding and someone to tell you they care about you. That's all. It'll go a long way. He sees a future for you, one that is bright and happy, you just can't imagine it.

Kimiko hates that you're throwing your life away because you think you're not worth it. She tries tough love and talks to you and when that doesn't work, she gives you the silent treatment. It hurts both of you, but she can't let this happen. She can't let you drink or smoke or anything your problems away just because you think you're a bad person because of what you've done. You've all done things you aren't proud of, but you're trying to do better now. She can't help but take a sisterly role and that hurts her even more. You beg and plead for her to listen, to understand, but she can't. You're bright and funny and caring. You're a good person whose had some bad stuff happen. That doesn't make it okay to hurt yourself and everyone around you like this.

Bonus! Homelander hunts you down and talks to you. There are no threats, but you know he's angry. Furious, even. So you stay and you listen and you don't fight back. Getting into trouble, hurting yourself, that's wasn't you! You were part of The Seven, you were powerful and intelligent and, though he hated to admit it, like a little sibling to him. He wasn't going to watch you destroy everything you had ever worked for because you felt bad about yourself, because you didn't believe in yourself. It wasn't just that though. It was the things you'd done, they haunted you. The people you hurt. He didn't really care about that though. All he cared about was you. You getting better, you figuring it out, you going back to the person you were.

[darlingofvalyria]

❝I am not a Valyrian Sex God.❞

part 03 | pucker up, buttercup

chapter summary:

[ The line of friendship dances in uncertain waters when you and Aemond play the fake dating game a little too well. Helaena reveals much more than meets the eye to Aegon, and vice versa. Oh, and Alys. Hi Alys! ]

[ 5,399 ] [ series masterlist ] | best friend's brother!aemond targaryen x f!reader, ft. cregan stark x f!reader & aemond targaryen x alys rivers,

contains— mostly fluff, a wee bit angsty, a little smutty - profanity, i swear a lot sorry too shhshs - no use of y/n - no gods, no kings, no betas.

a/n— thank you so much for the love this little fic is getting so far!! it truly warms my heart that you people enjoy my twisty, crackpot humour and my version of a modern au for these characters!! as much as i am grateful for george for making these characters and these stories, i have to say what propelled me to write is the beautiful community i found. truly, from the bottom of my heart. ❥ fandom is built on community. i would not have had the courage to start writing fanfiction again if not for ya'll. so thank you so much. for the consumers and the creators. you, us, are the beating heart of fandom. please take care of each other. + comment, reblog & like at will, mwa ♡

"Please tell me I haven't inhaled so much drugs in my system that I am hallucinating our— and I say this with a lot love, okay you know what? No. Our Nasty Little Bitch of A Grudge Holder we call, lovingly, a brother, is not dating the hottest friend you have? Hel? The hottest friend you told me if I ever came anywhere near, you'd rip me a new asshole? How is Aemond's asshole still intact?? Or does our brother just have a gaping fun-house slide down there? Hello? Hellooo, pay attention to meee. This is so rude, why didn't I call Daeron?"

"Because Daeron knows nothing and I know everything?" Hel snorts, finishing up re-naming Aemond's contact from CURRENT DUMB BRO to NASTY LITTLE BITCH OF A GRUDGE HOLDER, before turning to Aegon on her laptop.

Like she predicted, Aegon is already pouting, leaning back on what Helaena remembers is their grandfather's rum-coloured leather office chair. In his office. In Oldtown.

After a quick stint in Ibiza, it seems Helaena's brother had found himself back in the country, and worse— back in their grandfather's office. Without him in it.

"Grandpa's going to kill you." Helaena snorts. "How'd you even get inside his house?"

"This is not the first time I have been faced with a locked door, baby sister."

"You broke a window didn't you?"

"I really, really had to piss."

She rolls her eyes. Hard. "You are a boy. You can literally just pee anywhere."

Aegon flutters a gasp and a hand over his chest. "Excuse me? I may have a penis, but that does not mean I have to be uncouth. For shame, Helaena. Also disgusting. But that's not why I called." He steeples his fingers as he leans forward, pressing his elbows against the nice mahogany desk. "What the fuck is happening over there? I'll be there by tomorrow and I'd like to know what the fuck is happening before I start—" he wiggles his eyebrows salaciously, " — shaking things up."

A dark look crosses Helaena's usually amiable pretty face that has Aegon leaning back. "If you do anything— and I mean anything — to ruin what I have going on, Mother may help you for I certainly won't. The Stranger will look like an old friend, Egg, don't you fucking dare."

"What the fuck," Aegon exhales, wide-eyed and horrified. "Have you been watching M. Night Shyamalan movies again?"

"No," she lies. "I'm doing this for my OTP."

 "Oh my god, you're the one who roped them together?" Aegon strangles a sigh. "Lae-lae, we've talked about this. No matter how much you think they're cute, Aemond—"

"— Aemond and Alys broke up."

"Then they'll be together again before the weekend's out." Aegon rolls his eyes. "It's Aemond."

"Not like this." Hel shakes her head. "I got her to agree, Egg. And they're like... Gods, the pictures don't do them justice. They're magnetic. They make plans at the apartment, Aemond is there all the time— my OTP is happening."

"You are playing god between two people you care about."

"What else am I supposed to do?! They're obviously so hot for each other, and now that Alys is out of the picture, and she's there, right in front of him, Egg, you should see how it is between them. The energy. It's crackling. They have inside jokes, they're so comfortable with each other, and I will have the most beautiful nephew and niece—"

"—Helaena Targaryen," Aegon admonishes with finality. Hel quiets. Often times, the siblings forget Aegon is quintessentially the oldest sibling. They had never been close to their father's actual firstborn— the age gap is wide and there's just... too much complicated family fissures in between that it feels awkward, even when they're relationship is okay, to interact or consider Rhaenyra anything past a cousin you see every other holiday because you have to, much less now that their father's dead — so Aegon is their big brother.

And though they see it in bits, in flung comet pieces that you see preciously once every few hundred years— the vibe of big brother grasps the edges and reminds the younger siblings.

Sure, he's a dick. Sure, he's a whore. Sure, he's their mother's least and most favourite headache— but Aegon is their big brother.

"You cannot play puppeteer like this. This can blow up in their faces. And they care for each other. Their friends. If this blows up in their faces, it is going to hurt."

"I know that," Helaena says quietly, pout pinched but face mostly cleared. "You don't think I don't know?"

"I think you've already outweighed your chances and your choosing a possibility."

Helaena looks truly scolded at that point, and it juts a guilt down Aegon's stomach. But Aegon likes you. Maybe not like in the way that his brother likes you— in that intense, possessive way he gets with people and things he care about because there are so few of them — but he likes you. And he loves Aemond on a bad day, and likes him on a good one.

And Aegon knows, as a superior power about crashing and burning, that this is going to hurt both of you in ways that he truly doesn't think Helaena understands.

Because he isn't blind (as his brother) (bad joke?) (probably) to what he sees in Aemond's gaze when it looks at you. Sure it's possessive, sure it's the same way he looks at most people he keeps close to his heart.

But he was the one who saw how Aemond looked at you before Alys came into the picture. Before it morphed into nothing but platonic; morphed close to how he looks at Helaena. In that soft, I'm So Glad This Person Exists I Would Kill Literally Everyone For Them.

Aegon always thought he looked at you like he wanted to devour you. Etch you into his skin until your shape is in red marks across white plane. He looked at you like I Would Kill Myself If You Asked.

It was the possibility of devotion dipped in insanity. Aemond had so few things, much less people, who so vocally, physically, and emotionally cared for him without addendums.

The only real reason he never did anything before was because you were Helaena's best friend. Helaena loved you. And he couldn't destroy that alongside the fact that you might leave his side.

And then Alys happened and that focal point moved.

Aegon knew his brother. Not as intensely, and maybe that's the reason he could see it. To see clearly past the intensity and recognise its edges. Aegon knew his brother in his marrow.

"When this crashes and burns—"

"If!" Helaena quips stubbornly. "If it crashes and burns. Come home. You'll see, Egg. Aemond just needs to see."

"And what if she doesn't reciprocate, Lae-lae? She's not hard to love, and this is Aemond." Even Helaena knows his feelings, once taken root in whatever form, can blossom.

Helaena smiles softly. "Come home. You'll see. I can see it. I've seen it. The possibility of them, and it's so pretty, Egg."

It's really not all that pretty, fake dating.

Maybe it could be, but Aemond Targaryen is such an ass.

"This is not like The Devil Wears Prada fashion montage," you grumble, pinching off the big, 60s, yellow sunglasses off your nose to glare pointedly at the man sat on lounge chair. "All the zippers and tugging— this is not as pretty! And I look ridiculous! I don't wear dresses like these, Aemy!"

"You don't look ridiculous, you look like my girlfriend." He makes his emphasis with an inch raised eyebrow and pouty lips twitching not to laugh. "That's the point, is it not?"

You make a drawl huff. It's not just that his words were right— that's what the past hour has been, roaming around all these big named fashion brands where the staff just knows Aemond Targaryen, if not just by him sauntering in with all the swagger of an asshole you'd walk the other side of the street to ignore, then by the flash of his black card (or three, 'cause what the fuck is money to Targaryens holy shit) — but the way he's sitting as he appraises every look he's chosen for you.

He's lax, as could be in his usually perfect posture, with his hips in the middle, and one leg braced down whilst the other is raised to his other thigh. A confident man's sitting position, with an arm over the length of the sofa, balancing a champagne a trying-to-suppress-her-giddiness staff gave him.

At your disapproved glare— down on your nose at him because you're standing over him, lording over him, as he's sitting down — and he's smirking up at you. As if the power dynamics don't shift by whoever is looming over the other.

Aemond doesn't need to stand to make you feel all fluttery with a smirk and a strong gaze against your body. His eyes gaze from the bottom of your heeled toes, slow, slow, slow, until it reached the top of your head.

Surely you've only imagined his gaze lingering on certain parts of you that now felt hot and tingly.

Surely.

"Plus," he continues with a hum. A sip of champagne. "Isn't this your idea?"

"Yes, but—"

"Didn't you tell me that I should prepare the kind of outfits that Aemond Targaryen's girlfriend would wear—"

 "Yes, but I—"

He leans forward, taking pleasure in arguing with you, as he settles his elbows on his knees, pressing both of his feet flat on the tile. He's looking up, still, but his eyes are intense and the corner of his mouth is twitching from a grin he's trying to fight.

"And even when I told you that didn't matter, that whatever you wore would be fine, you insisted?"

"Because I thought it'd be fun!" you growl and he falls in faint, amused laughter. His eye is sparkling and there's a joy to him that makes you giddy. You truly have missed Aemond as you know him. "Because I wanted a fun dress-up montage, but nothing about this is fun! Why are you choosing so many goddamned zippers, and they're all so fucking tight?"

You plop beside him, stealing his champagne. Staff look away, trying not to ogle too much between you two. As you take sips of his drink, his hand, still over the sofa's arm, begin drawing idle circles on your exposed shoulders. It warms you and calms you down, melting further in the seat beside him.

"I liked the dresses," he finally murmurs. "The ones before this. The flowy fabric ones."

"Those are summer dresses," you say though don't know why.

"Hm," he hums. "You look pretty in them."

You look up at him and he's looking at you, a small smile on his face. The proximity is too near to be proper but not near enough if you're fake dating. You study his silver lashes and the scarred flesh.

"Thanks."

"We'll get them. Is that alright with you?"

You snort softly. "You're paying, Aemy. You can do whatever you want. Can't believe this is how your dates with Alys usually went."

Hatching plans meant unloading information about his former relationship with her. Going through their relationship so you could understand it better, better proportioned the good and the bad, and secretly, make him see the red flags that should jump out in clear, plastic red.

"Not at first." He's looking away now, but his finger is still drawing circles. There's a wistful tone to his voice, like seeing through a dream and a memory. "But when it got... bad, it seemed like the only time we weren't fighting was when we were in public. Almost subconsciously, whenever things got tensed, I'd offer to take us out. Do anything outside of our bubble. Money isn't an issue, and before Alys said she felt like a... cheap whore than a girlfriend, buying things for her, spending time looking through things to wear, to match almost, was safe."

"Gift Giving," you mutter with a nod. He turns.

"What was that?"

"A love language." He cocks his head. You sigh. "I mean it's stupid and not really theoretically accurate, but for fun, there's five types of love languages. People do this test thing and sort of box up the kind of love language you want to receive and what you give— but truly, in my opinion, a true kind of love demands all five for it to work."

He hums, intrigued. "And what are the five?"

"Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Gift Giving. But, you know, all of those should be given by a partner, in increments they can do for you. There shouldn't be a boxed fixture of what your relationship could be."

You shrug, standing up and stretching. You don't see him looking at you in the way that he has been for the past few days, and he doesn't know the tingles and feelings you keep between a smile and a sigh.

"Love looks different for everyone but it should have the same concept."

"And what concept is that?"

You turn to him, smiling. "That if you truly love someone, you can try anything. Love doesn't demand things that you do for the simple reason that you love the person enough."

"Love can be complicated," he says, and he's not arguing, not really. He isn't begging for you to understand. He is simply saying.

"Love can," you agree. "As most things are complicated. But it doesn't have to hurt."

It's a boundary line, the way he blinks, remembering why you're here together, why he gets to touch you in intimate ways, why he gets to pay for clothes, why you spend this time with him. A jolt. A shock.

You don't press and he doesn't retreat. The line exists not just to remind, but to stabilise any projections. Any dangerous tones.

You simply smile, nodding at the time. "Dinner date, babycakes. We can't be late for reservations."

"We can be late for a few minutes," he says, remembering echoes of how Alys sometimes got late. It isn't really her fault; there are days when she's too busy at the law firm, too busy with a meeting or two, or still finishing up her makeup because she doesn't like going to dinner in her work clothes.

"Sure, but we're here together and I know how much you hate being late." You snort.

"I don't hate it."

"Sure, but you got that eye twitch you do when you're annoyed," you tease, tapping your own eye before you wink at him and skip away.

For the past few days since the bar incident, by your suggestion, you and Aemond had pour out the intricacies of how Aemond and Alys' relationship worked whilst hiding your true intention of making him see its faults and corners, and at the same time, continue on with the charade of dating him.

It's been a packed week or so, going to your shifts at the bar, meeting with Cregan once and a while (boy had been busy, and he found the entire thing with Aemond incredibly hilarious).

You answered no question mark in regards on who the hand was, only sent a winky face or a kiss blowing emoji. You continue to post minute representations of your no-longer-single status in brief intervals, making sure that you never name him. You never publicly give him a recognisable body.

But for those that knew, knew.

It really wasn't that hard. There were only so much pale, toned hands, so much body builds you can hide with your hand covering his general face that you can hide without people making smart guesses. There wasn't a lot of pale, toned people around you after all.

But in your refusal to name him, the question continues, and so does Alys silent observation of every post. The only story she had liked had been the very first one.

You often wonder what she thinks, before your mind is devoured once again with everything else.

To be fair, as often as you had both been seeing each other lately— and it has been the most often you have been seeing of him — there were still things outside of Aemond and Helaena plans. And Aemond still had UNI to focus on.

"You know, I often forget you're still in university," you say now, comfortably warm in Aemond's car. All fresh leather seat and crisp new car smell despite knowing that Aemond's had this unit now for at least a year. He maybe rich, but he knew what he liked and took care of them.

He shoots you a quizzical look before looking back at the road. The city is bathed in a gorgeous stream of oranges and pinks, tie-dying glass buildings and bustle of city roads. When you look at him, you smile softly at how pretty the light hits him.

"Why is that? Do I look that young?"

"Your vibe is so old man on a nine to three, cigar breaks by four, and whiskey sours by seven pm."

He makes a disgruntled sound at the back of his throat. You laugh. "I would like to think it's my altruistic classicism. A timeless endeavour."

"Sure, old man," you tease then sigh. "Reality is, I'm so much older than you. I'm hanging out with a child. On my free day. Is this what it means to reach low status?"

"I am not a child." His reply is sharp, cutting, almost offended.

"You're in college."

"And of legal age? You're only four years older."

"Oh, right."

"What?"

You smirk at his dark look. "You like 'em way older."

His face, much like his gaze, heats up. You're imaging it when the ride turns red, the car slows to a stop, and he is looking at your lips. Surely it was, because you got transfixed with the way his tongue darts out to wet his lips. A slow, tantalising movement.

It feels like an eternity stretched within three seconds. The light turns green and both of you turn away.

Well, there's been that. A few times. But it doesn't mean anything. Aemond is in that transition of trying to rid himself of bad habits, of being freshly single once again, and you know he and Alys get in on frequently. This had been a conversation a few days back, on a couch, smell of grease and pizza around the room while Murder She Wrote played in the background.

"Wait, wait, wait." You sat up, folding your legs underneath your butt, and giving Aemond your full attention with a little 'o' in your mouth.

"Wait!" Helaena calls playfully from her sway to the bathroom. "Imma pee!"

"Take care, my beloved!" you call back, before turning to Aemond with a big, Cheshire grin.

"Can we not dwell on it?" He's flustered but is trying not to show it, looking back to the TV as if he understood why there's a body on the plane.

But wine has been had, spilled and shared, and it's enough for you to grab that fluster and the topic, and smirked.

"No, no, we will talk about it. We shall! We must! Do you mean to tell me that by the end of it, most of the time, you two were just boning? Is Aemy, one of my favourite people in the world, a Valyrian Sex God?? Oh my god??"

"I am not a Valyrian Sex God."

"Okay, girly pop, please." You raised a hand in a 'talk to the hand' motion and he was smiling at you, entranced and frustrated. "Women talk, Aemy!"

There was a flush and Helaena came back. Wine did things to Helaena, and she was stumbling and giggling as she flopped behind you, turning around and encasing you in a koala hug.

"Women talk, baby bro." Helaena nodded sagely. "Even I try not to listen, they talk, alas."

"And Alys has said those hips—"  You pointed a j'accuse finger at his hips, then his mouth. "—and that tongue has done things that can make the Maiden blush."

Helaena groaned behind you're back, a slew of 'ew's escaping her mouth. And you were still being playful, teasing, but Aemond was looking at you, though scarlet, with a deepened expression.

And at that moment, both of you were thinking the same thing.

His chin brushing your thighs, your sighs like music to his ears, and his tongue making you scream.

Warmth pooled, twin expressions share a gaze. Hunger, desire, shame.

The connection was destroyed when Helaena abruptly jolted and fell down the carpet. Because she was holding onto you, you got pulled with her.

"Are you okay??" Aemond asked.

Hel gasped. "I thought I saw Bobby. I think I squished Bobby."

You shook your head. "You didn't. Bobby is spry. Bobby knows to move away."

Aemond's confused face peered down at both of you. "Who's Bobby?"

"The local spider that lives here."

"Of course." And he smiled.

You smiled back.

Helaena giggled beside you but when you ask her, she only shook her head.

And the silence that lulls in the car is like both of you reaching the very same memory and having to sit through the stifle of that drunken interaction about his sex life. He coughs, you let out a breathy giggle.

"I should admit something," he says, parking the car in front of the restaurant. Dusk is settling, sunset in bright red and orange turning to a cool blue and pretty lavender— and when you turn to him after getting out of the car, coddling your jacket close to your body, he looks nervy. Apologetic, almost.

"What? What'd you do?"

He bites his bottom lip. "I know something about this restaurant."

"I would assume. You chose it." Your eyes narrow, giving the black-out floor to ceiling windows a look. The Painted Table is lit up in a scrawled font on top of it.

You step inside, not bothering to turn to his call of your name, and is submerged by the restaurant's vibe. It's a darkened place with meaningful lighting but a casual air, a bar on the side, and an upbeat jazzy music dancing in the air — it looks good. The place smelled delicious.

Nothing about it sparked familiarity to you, but the anticipation from that look of guilt on his face brought you to a high-strung, so when he calls your name again, just behind you, you turn.

"Is this where you had your first date with Alys?"

He shakes his head. "No. No, but—"

"Aemond?"

The voice is familiar, and you don't stop enough to think before you're turning to the low, clear voice that's just a hint of husky, and Alys' green eyes go wide at your appearance.

She's dressed nice, dressed to go out in a black dress dipping low and fabric tangled around her body to show off her curves. Her inky hair was swept to one side and her mouth was bloodred.

Alys Rivers, owner of Aemond's firsts. The woman he seemingly can't let go off.

You smile. It feels fake. "Oh. Hi Alys."

Her shock staves off into a genuine smile that makes you guilty. "Hi, my love. I see you two are together. Always attached at the hip. Dinner?"

Before you nod— or maybe strangle Aemond — he comes forward, taking your hand in the process and lacing it. He's looking at her as if he's setting a challenge when Alys' eyes fall on your intertwined hands.

"Yes," he says. "We are."

"Well... that's good. This place is great. I—" Someone calls her name, she turns back. You shoot Aemond a withering glare you hope conveys how much you're going to beat his ass after this. She turns back, smiling still. There's a pinch between her eyes but it's gone by the third blink. "Well, I have to go. I'll see you both soon, okay?" She turns to you, stepping forward, not minding the Targaryen beside you. "Especially you. We haven't hung out in a while."

"That's true, I've missed you, you crazy witch." And she laughs and you smile, because you genuinely consider Alys to be one of your friends. Not maybe as deeply as Helaena's, or as close, but Alys was an amazing person and you enjoy her company.

Plus, right now the one you're angry about it solely the man holding your hand.

Alys turns to Aemond, and he stiffens. Between them is a complicated look. So many things unsaid, before her smirk softens. "It's nice to see you too, Aemond."

And she turns away, walking back to her table, to her date, when you tug him with you to the bar. As you order a dry martini, he speaks. Calm and soft.

"You're mad at me."

"You knew she was going to be here." You turn to him, arching an eyebrow, hating the way your chest pangs. "You stalked her and brought us here because you wanted to use me."

He shifts, face crumples at the word 'use' and calls your name in a plead. "It's not like that."

You snort, taking a sip of your drink when it arrives. "Don't lie."

"Okay. Yes, I did. I... I made an impulsive decision because I wanted to see how she could go on a date as if we were nothing." Bitterness cripples his words, the smirk on his lips is ironic and darkened in hurt. Your heart hurts for him, but you can't give him a pass just like that. He hurt you too.

"You could've told me."

He raises an eyebrow. "You would be okay with this?"

Your own smile is ironic and darkened by hurt. "You're already using me, Aemy. That was the deal I agreed, for Hel. It would at least lick the wound to have been in the know, and not, you know, got shot in the face with it."

At the first part of your tirade, he looked like he wanted to argue with the using part, but the realisation weighs him because it is true. To him, he is using you. And it's a cheap shot on your part because you were also doing this for him, out of your own free will.

You sigh when he turns away, guilt dipping low.

"You're such a dumbass."

He hums in agreement.

You're aware of a gaze from the tables, somewhere in the ocean of jazz music and chatter, Alys is looking, and you kinda wanna make this good for him. You were already here after all.

Your hand reaches his jaw, sliding across his neck until you reach his nape and fingers tangle with the baby hairs there. His hair had been wrapped into a bun. Sleek and fluffy.

He turns to you, to your touch, in shock. "What are you—"

"Try not to look so surprised," you whisper, stepping close to him until your noses are bumping. "We're supposed to be dating."

And then you slant your mouth against his.

TAGGED: @fan-goddess @snh96 @valeskafics @opheliaas-stuff @tempo-rary-fix @fantasticpeaceharmony @diannnnsss @iamavailablesstuff @spinachtz @at-a-rax-ia @bespinnn @tsujifreya @moonlightfoxx @kemillyfreitas @joyouart @bananzaa @honey-on-mars @alexa4040 @cinnamonbambii @wintrr13 @wxb-slingrr @astroswift @queenofshinigamis @helaenaluvr @kaetastic @jxdegodfrey @laniii-on-your-left @watercolorskyy @snowprincesa1 @gemini-mama

[qqueenofhades]

Is it normal that I’m legitimately so scared of saying pretty morally tame things like “I don’t want to talk about genocide because it makes me severely uncomfortable” or in general expressing my political opinion.

Like i’m not even kidding when I say that all my drafts are just my possibly offensive (probably not) political takes i’m just so scared of everyone leaving me it’s not even funny.

Anyway i also think that if you talk about Palestine but not Ukraine you are a victim of Russian Propaganda™️

I’m sorry I don’t know why i did this have a nice day ok baiiiiiii

Here's the thing. You and every other average social media user should not have to masquerade as a sudden in-depth expert on every single social, political, humanitarian, etc. crisis that we are dealing with in this wretchedly miserable excuse for a timeline. It should not be a baseline expectation on you that when you log onto your little social media in your little average life, you have to come up with The Correct Opinions on everything and if you don't, you're "perpetrating oppression" by not vigorously spreading misinformation, instead of simply admitting that you don't know what to do, you as an average citizen are not in a position of making this change and therefore don't actually have to spend every waking minute obsessing about it, and that maybe, just maybe, you'd like to spend more time informing yourself until and/or IF you decide you want to talk about it. This is the same as the Instagram Activists (TM) who traumatize themselves to the point of PTSD by constantly consuming torture and/or war porn and/or graphic content about murdered children because they "don't have the right to look away." Actually, you do. You are able to make choices to control your personal social media use and to set boundaries as to what you do and do not want to do and/or see, rather than insisting that the only moral choice is to literally mentally destroy yourself with all the weight of human suffering in the world and then expected to act as a de facto expert on all of it, on pain of being Cancelled. This is a stupid, irrational, unhealthy, and generally idiotic expectation. You should not have to take part in it. Nobody should.

Likewise, I think that this is a large part of why people are so scared to voice any opinion that goes against the Prevailing Groupthink: they are afraid of losing friends, of having nasty bad-faith internet trolls say mean things about them, being accused of being a "bad person," or otherwise being guilt-tripped, shamed, and blamed for not centering their entire existence around something that they cannot actually do anything about. Once again, people think the only way you can be Known to Oppose Something Problematic (tm) is if you post on social media about it all the time. Forget whatever you might be doing offline, in your real life, or otherwise; it "doesn't count" if you don't make a big virtuous display of your Rightthink, or you will be viciously harassed. Now, look, I am old and/or tired enough that I don't give a shit what stupid internet users say about me, but I can tell you that I sure did when I was younger, it was incredibly painful to be on the end of those kinds of attacks, and it's (again!) not something you should just have to expect as a baseline level of gaslighting and harassment. As I have said. This is Tumblr. It is a stupid blue website mostly for fandom and/or three in-jokes. This is not a platform where we are expected To Do Social Justice all the time, nor should it be. As for Elon Musk's Twitter: yeah. No.

Also: yes, if you do spend all your waking moments obsessing over Palestine, but say nothing whatsoever about Ukraine and/or openly support Russia, you are in fact very much a victim of Russian Propaganda and you 100% support genocide when it's done by an "anti-western" state that you support for that reason alone. You only care because you can use the cause to make yourself look morally superior, and it has nothing whatsoever to do with opposing genocide on a basic, universal, or fundamental level. The end.

(I hope you have a nice day too. The anger in this is not directed at you. I support everything you've said here and hope that you're able to set healthy boundaries and protect yourself.)

[eikichi-supremacy]

ik ppl hate fictional deadbeat moms but im an avid enjoyer. my feminism knows no bounds truly/j

like i get it she did a bad job. but shit she still did a job that's for sure!! like. she did it do you understand. 14 year old girl is pregnant. it's disgraceful. a shameful stain on her family. yusuke doesn't seem to have grandparents or anything so besides yusuke's bio dad she's got no one. and then when yusuke is a toddler the father disappears and considering who he is and what he's like that's probably for the best. gonna go out a limb and say that yusuke was maybe 4 or 5 when his dad cleared out so. at 18 and entirely alone. atsuko looked down at this little thing. this baby because he's still a baby to her this is a baby who only has her. Not even 4 feet tall with the biggest brown eyes looking to her for everything because he quite literally has no one else.

he doesn't know she's a failure yet. he doesn't know people will look down on them just because he exists as he is. he doesn't know how hard this is going to be from now on. all he knows is he loves his momma

so she doesn't cry. she just meets his big innocent eyes and goes "it's just you and me kid" and yusuke doesn't know that that's a sad thing.

so she takes care of him the best she can and it still sucks but yusuke doesn't know what the standard she should be held to is yet. for a small time she is the greatest and best person in his world and he's the only one who thinks so

then he meets keiko and her parents and finds out that his normal is actually dysfunctional and that his mom actually isn't all that great. that living day to day in the bottom of a bottle isn't healthy. so she's no longer praiseworthy but this person he's responsible for. just like that the roles reverse. because while she was all yusuke had yusuke is also all atsuko has. he doesn't respect her but he still punched the motherfucker in the mouth that called her a tramp. she taught him how to do it.

atsuko comes to terms with the fact that Yusuke doesn't really need her anymore, probably never did so she doesn't bother to care when he skips school or beats whoever he wants to a pulp or gambles because at 14 she was expecting so what the fuck can she really say about him. he sneers at her as he makes her coffee. atsuko lights another cigarette

it feels like betrayal when her son dies. at 14 she had him so how can he die at a sorry age like that. i wasted my teenage years on you for what? so you can die and leave me here? you fucking brat. how can she recover from this? yusuke was all she had. he hadn't looked up at her with an admiring gaze since he was 7 and stopped hugging her goodbye soon after but still he was hers he was hers and then he was gone

but then he comes back. and she doesn't get much better as a mom or as a person really. she tries harder than before maybe (keeping him in school) but yusuke never expected her to. he's made up of her bad habits and uncaring attitude but he's so much better than her. became something good something strong despite how shitty of a job she did raising him.

she's not proud because she has no right to be but something like it tugs in her chest when she sees him feeding the people he cares about at his little ramen cart looking as happy as the first time she'd taken him out to park.

yusuke's dad suggests taking another crack at the whole family thing and she wants to laugh in his face. the only family she'll ever have is that little boy who's stronger and braver than she'll ever be.

she doesn't want to see him laying cold in a casket ever again. he's meant for life, a soul as bright and durable as his. atsuko hopes he lives to see the sun explode

[arabian-batboy]

you do realize that jill stein basically is in with the russians and is in putin’s back pocket? she’s practically a russian asset. it’s so obvious that she doesn’t truly understand or cares about how the us political system works and opts to speak political misinformation. if she truly wants to be a good candidate she needs to start at the local governments rather than jumping into the presidential ballot every four years to basically steal votes? she’s just appropriating the current movements that would potentially give her some votes without an actual plan for anything. she’s “anti war” but takes money from lockheed martin? be so fr rn now.

what’s her plan for a ceasefire? a two party state does she understand how the government would come to that? she’s antivax and spreads conspiracy theories - one of the reasons why we even lost in 2016 is bc of people like you voting for her.

it’s unfortunate, believe me, that we even have a two party system. i hate it but that’s simply how the government works and there’s nothing we could do to change that right now, but if you’re voting for hee then you’re voting against women and the lgbt and poc in the us as well. if trump does end of winning this election bc of voters who vote third party, like how he won in 2016, the us is going to be so much worse than what we could possibly ever imagine. there’s so much at stake this election cycle it’s mind boggling.

if she really wanted to be president, she’d start at local elections and work her way up rather than just jumping onto certain states ballots every four years for the presidential election tbh.

You got proof that she receives millions of dollars from Russian lobbies? Because there's proof that Kamala, Biden and Hilary all received millions of dollars from Israeli lobbies in the form of AIPAC publicly announcing that they use lobbying money for them without any shame, they literally don't try to hide it. Yet I don't see you rushing in to call them or any other AIPAC's recipients an 'Israel's asset" or accuse them of being in Bibi's back-pocket......even though they are.

Here's a video of Stein's fundraiser director debunking her receiving money from Lockheed Martin: X

Trump was the first person to become a US's president without any political or military history, people thought it was just a joke when the funny old man from Celebrity Apprentice ran for office yet he won and there's a chance he will win again, so I don't see why holding any local government should be obligatory for 3rd party before jumping straight into the presidential ballot.

I already said everything I wanted to say about voting for 3rd party here X, frankly I have no interests on putting Stein on a pedestal or convincing others that she's a morally good person, all I care about is that she does the bare minimum of "doesn't unconditionally support a genocide against my people" and is the only 3rd party candidate who has any chance of winning, so that's more than enough for me.

But back to you, everything you said is so fucking narcissistic, telling people that are dying that its "simply how the government works and there’s nothing we could do to change that right now" must be easy for you to say because you're not the direct victim of the US's imperialism, but its not our fault that you're such a spineless complicit who believes the US simply can not exist without genocidal war-criminals running the government at all time and everyone who suffers from it should shut up and stop being an inconvenience because things will not change for them and instead they should put your needs and wants before their very lives.

Through-out human history many empires that were considered the strongest in the world came and went, the US empire isn't an exception and if it can't change from within then eventually it will be forcibly changed from the outside and its mostly likely the latter, since asking you to grow a conscious is asking for too much.

Also I just don't understand why you people talk about women, people of color and gay people as if they only exist in the US or that them living in the US while Republicans are in office is somehow worse than living in a country that is currently being bombed by the US? Democrats' bombs kills women, Democrats' bombs kills people of color, Democrats' bombs kills LGBT community, matter of fact Democrats' bombs kills as many people as Republican bombs do, so explain to me how things will be worse for women/PoC/LGBT exactly if the Republican win? Because Republican were in office from 2017 to 2021 and I didn't see minorities in the US being indiscriminately killed by the thousands in day-light without any repercussions for their murder, but they are being killed overseas, both by Republican and Democrats while you are here busy making up cartoonishly-evil scenarios about how the things that are happening to them will happen to you if people vote 3rd party and the Republicans win because of that.

Spoiler Alert: No it will not, you will continue living a safe peaceful life in a developed nation without having to fear 60,000 tons of bombs being dropped on you while you're hiding in a tent in a refugee camp or searching for food among rubble regardless of who wins, whether its the red, blue or green party. So at the very least vote for a 3rd party so that other people from other countries will enjoy the same privilege as you instead of making up ridiculous stories about how all of your human rights will be stripped away if the blue war-criminal wasn't in office so therefore those annoying victims of war should be quiet and not dare suggest the heinous crime of voting for a 3rd part.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for basically being my cousins' 2nd/3rd parent and actually doing my aunts/uncles job for them

I (19 ???), have six young cousins on my mom's side who i see pretty often given everyone's schedules. Im really close with 4 of them, having grown up almost like siblings mainly with the two oldest. The two youngest dont care for me especially since one is only like 4 months old

Ive always been the reliable older brother/sisterish figure to them even when i was younger, it just came naturally. But in recent years ive had to pick up the slack in alot of things related to raising my cousins in a way. A goodish example is with the oldest, she's 16 and a few years ago I had to give her the sex and period talk cuz her school barely did anything about it (long story short they literally just gave out a basic (outdated) packet that basically just said "dont have sex, girl bleed once a month" in a horrible shameful way), and her parents just said "we'll explain when you're 18".

Ive done everything from teaching them internet safety to cooking to explain topics such as the sex talk because my aunts and uncles just dont do those things.

But enough context heres the main things,

One of my cousins called me dad in front of our relatives while we were all on vacation which caused a scene to say the least. It ended with me absolutely tearing into my aunts and uncles, which i admit wasnt the best choice but still, i basically tore into them about intentionally or not have almost completely abandoned their roles as parents. (Also one got tore into for basically forgetting their oldest in favor for their youngest so much so the oldest didnt get new clothes for two years)

The fight ended with me and my cousins storming back to the room we claimed and locking the door. We basically camped out there for the last two days if the trip, only leaving for food a night (had a bathroom connected to the room thankfully) we only really spoke to my mom and our grand uncle and aunt during that time

Its been about a month since it happened and things have atleast superficially calmed, still receiving the stray vague call out on social media and getting called an selfish asshole in a polite socially acceptable way. The only people on my side are my grand aunt and uncle, my mother, my cousins, and my friends

Im torn, because on one hand i care for my cousins and dont regret finally standing up for them all including myself.

But on the other its not completely my business on how my relatives raise their kids. I didnt have to do all that i do/did. I choose to do all those things and im still choosing to do them

I would speak to a professional or something but my last therapist dropped me cuz of stories bout my family (no joke she literally said "you're family is fucked up i have no hope in helping you, you're a lost cause") so tumblr what's your thoughts this probably out if yalls pay grade but still

What are these acronyms?

[xenvaei]

Dissolving MIROYMON, what's next?

Hello. I'm Hail, from the mohi system. This is a bit of a late, abrupt message for all of my social medias. As of July 23rd, MIROYMON as a collective, ceases to exist. While we, the system, will never depart from labeling our work under MIROYMON for ownership reasons, we will not refer to our career and our work as being from MIROYMON. MIROYMON, to us, no longer is what we want to be known for.

Other labels such as Elmani, Shifterstars/Starryhail, Alterworldly, and Dancingpuddle are connected to this label and will also be put to rest as we do not want to be known as that either.

Addressing the elephant, of course. The previous hosts have a long winded history of misdeeds that are publicly out there for everyone to see. I am ashamed of acknowledging that, even if those were not me, I am still the current host in the same body.

We engaged in debate in online spaces actively denouncing zoophilia and pro-zoos online, specifically on Twitter. We exposed the faces/deeds of a lot of zoos in therian + furry spaces just for fun. We don't have shame in this, we just look back at it with a cringe because we ended up falling into the radqueer crowd only to crawl out more disgusted with ourselves. Interacting even closely with deplorable ideas will lead you to exploring how they think.. then getting too close and being persuaded into.. basically a cult. We left the crowd and never want to revisit it.

We engaged in syscourse, which led to many heated encounters. We had, with the intent of warning them, called someone a "token asian" because they were oblivious to how both the pro-endo and anti-endo side was using their opinion in tulpa spaces in order to fill their own community grudges. While I was, in the long run, correct that the plural community never cared about Buddhist voices.. I used my own racial trauma to say that someone was being tokenized. That's not okay, that's fucking disgusting actually. It's the fact that, no matter if it was an old host, that the same body made the active choice to type it. It's gross, and I have since stepped back from syscourse and apologized.

We engaged in transandrophobia on cohost, which lead to us getting into an argument with a trans woman. Said trans woman is a transandrophobe, but my behavior in consistently using her actions as a way to punish others and her friends for follow along was not okay. To many, I harassed this woman for days on end. To me, I made her feel unsafe on a platform she came to in order to get away from Tumblr. I wanted to make an example out of transphobia in trans communities and how rampant it was. But, I quickly realized that fighting fire with literal magma doesn't do anything but make it worse. And I made it worse by even tempting to call out people on their transandrophobia. I defended myself online, people used my wife's image as a way to demean not only my sexuality but my ideas too. I fucked it up, I tore apart relationships and I made people uncomfortable by pushing it too far.

We engaged in altersex discourse, in which we created a lot of tension for intersex individuals who either did not enjoy altersex people or did not enjoy how I worded my altersex identity and morals. What I hear tends to be along the lines of me changing definitions, co-opting experiences, allowing h-slur usage, denying my perisexness in favor of altersexness, creating uncomfortable environments for intersex people in their own tags, and being tone deaf to intersex issues. I apologize, completely. No push back, no buts or whatever. I apologize, and I won't do it. Everything that I have ever done, I will take it back and I will change to be a better ally. I don't personally feel comfortable using shi/hir pronouns for myself and will stick to hiu/hium, even if I don't have a strong connection to the set. I will restrict all usage of the h-slur in and out of my communities. I accept that I am perisex, yet I do want to show that I am altersex as well and will use altperisex to describe myself instead.

In other places, I have lot personal friends for my explosive anger and behavior. I have betrayed trust, I have made others feel uncomfortable talking to me due to my past history. I have started fights over little things, and I have been stubborn over the internet just because I didn't have the right words to express myself.

In each part, in every thing I have done to harm others, I do recognize that distancing myself from the MIROYMON label by adopting another label would look as if I am.. running from my responsibility of clearing my name.

But I do not want to clear my name, nor do I want to deny all the things people have said about me - about my system - because of me. These events are not just a year's worth of issues, these issues span to 2018 to now. It has been more than 2 years of my disgusting behavior and I am sick of myself and haunting other people and being a blight in the world of other's. I am sick of trying to change and never actually changing because I haven't had the time to build myself. I am tired of having a disorder that makes it harder to find who I really am.

So, I have decided to rebuild myself and my branding and my name. This is for the safety of my system that I am consistently putting down, but for the safety of others who have been with me on this journey and who have left me because of this. I am doing this not for me, but for everyone I have ever put in danger or even stepped on by being who I am. I no longer want to be MIROYMON, I don't want to be representing MIROYMON. I want to be someone else, and I want to start over and dissolve every aspect under MIROYMON so that I may finally sit and have a chance to become a better person.

I will still draw, I will still publish, and I will still talk about being altersex. That is how it is, I cannot take a break or simply leave. I must trial and error my way, because then I do not make money and I cannot feed myself and I cannot become a better person.

I am a bad person. I am a horrible person, and I have done horrible things and I do not deserve to still have an existence where I am happily making othrs feel unsafe and uncomfortable with me around. So I am changing, I am forcing myself to change, I am molding myself by performing good and changing names and leaving this behind so that I can still afford to heal while not hurting people anymore. I don't want anyone to tell me that I never meant harm, I need people to tell me that I am a flawed person. I need people to nitpick at my flaws, tear me apart and find the reason why I'm so compelled to start fighting and hurting people so that I can actually change.

No, therapy doesn't work anymore. No, medication never soothed it. The only thing that is currently changing me is HRT, and I realized that I've been working my ass off to be better while on it. So, I'm sticking to HRT and disappearing into a new name with a new look, a new hope, a new joy, a new reason to live. With respect for people, without hurting people, without fighting or trying to be better. I just need to go away and never come back to these names. I need to restart and become better.

What's next?

I'm going to change the name of all my social media. We have not chosen a replacement name, but we will and we will change. I no longer want to run away from my mistakes and my problems, so that means ending them now with a new courage to become a better person.

I will most likely take a break from writing and art and pursue offline activities. My mother recently got surgery, so I am here helping her until September. She can't do basic activities without pain. I can't wither away alongside her.

I'm going to stop being so extreme. I'm still going to be goofy and a fantasizer, but I need to calm down. I just need to stop taking thins seriously. I need not provoke my anger and relapse on destructive behaviors.

I'm respecting the wishes of people who genuinely don't like me. I'm leaving, I'm stopping, I'm changing, and I hope the scars I gave you heal and leaves no marks. I am not a perfect person, no one is, and I am not criminal.. but I am emotionally draining and hurting others.

I'm gonna spend time in objectum spaces, I'm gonna love my wife and talk about it. I'm going to enjoy being objectum and do more in objectum spaces.

I'm going to work on altersex experiences and my community. I'm going to not step over intersex spaces and their experiences and I'm going to focus on my own.

This is a long post, but I wanted to end it with something nice.

I'm sorry, and I don't know what to say but I did this to myself. I thought I was doing everything right and that when things like this happen, when people lie about you, I thought that fighting back was the first answer. But it digs the hole under me, and it makes me fall into the behaviors I exhibit out of fear of messing it up.

I'm taking steps to ensure that I move on, that you move on, and that this shit stops here. Be safe, find peace, enjoy life.

[munsonthemisfit]

This following post will be a rant about the fanfiction situation we have seen over the last couple of days. Please note: this rant covers the topic of child endangerment, assault, interacting in nsfw ways with minors, taboo themes and the internet's reaction to it all.

This post DOES NOT condone the creation of said subjects and does NOT go into detail about anything graphic other than explaining the situation at surface level. If this makes you uncomfortable then please skip this post, I have put it under a "keep reading" to ensure you aren't forced to read something that makes you upset <3

*sighs loudly*

Alright, fuckers. Buckle up, I’ve got something to say.

Firstly, there’s a major difference between a subject being dark/taboo and literally straight up illegal. I'm unsure how you cannot understand that, but here we are I suppose?

I do not care what your personal opinion is on the matter, there is a huge difference, and if you are someone who feels comfortable writing/reading/reblogging illegal material like what we have seen over the last couple of days, I truly have no shame in calling you out in the slightest. You can take that up with God or whatever kinda thing you believe in; I’m judging you and I’ll call you out on that shit when I see it. Things are illegal for a reason and I'm unsure why anyone feels the need/urge to post that kind of content without needing their hard drives checked in all honesty.

Fanfiction is a community; fandoms are a community.

We need to keep our community safe.

Writers post things with trigger warnings and content warnings, readers need to heed those warnings before consenting to interacting with it. We post smut for adults and everything else is free for all ages to enjoy.

We heavily insist that minors keep away from our content because as adults, we shouldn’t be interacting with any of y’all, but we know the risks when we post. There’s always going to be children who don’t listen, don’t respect our warnings, don’t get the hint that we block them for our protection as much as their own. Which is why writers (at least ones with their morals in check) will post on everything possible that minors are not allowed/will be blocked if caught interacting, and at almost 27 years old, I stand by this.

I don’t care if you think I’m an asshole, I do not consent for minors to be in my circle. If you are a minor and you choose to interact regardless of our boundaries/warnings, you are proving why we have to resort to blocking anyone we find infiltrating our bubble.

People over 18 do not even need to be interacting with minors, let alone providing them nsfw content, that isn’t for you yet. Kids will find ways to get what they want, and the older half of fandoms are aware of this because we used to be you, but you can’t get mad at us for doing our best to filter you out of our pages.

We do not want to appear complicit for providing any sort of adult content for you children. We have the right to protect our online space however we see fit.

Writers post stories with brief descriptions and warnings at the very top of their posts¸ to allow anyone scrolling by to know whether things are going to be your cup of tea. Even if these posts are reblogged, funnily enough, warnings and descriptions are still the first thing you can see.

I'm unsure on how people have chosen to use the excuse “I didn’t see/know” because there is literally no way you could have avoided that. To interact in any regard (liking/reblogging/commenting) you have to scroll past the entire story to get to those buttons, don’t try and say that you ignore the entire block of text in favour of interacting without knowing a single thing about it.

I refuse to believe that anyone who is on Tumblr is just “so busy” that they can skim read all forms of warnings on a horrendous post and still go ahead and spread it/encourage it by interacting. If you are going to be complicit, you are coming across as complacent.

If you choose to interact/spread horrendous content with the excuse of “well I didn’t know” despite the fact the writer themselves gives you a warning on the content, you are part of the problem.

When you come online, you have to do your part. Read things.

Take the time to truly see what is within your community, it is not our job to police it. We shouldn’t have to come and message you every time we think you are connected to something we don’t want to see, we don’t have to slide into your dms and ask if you knew what you were doing. If you have liked/reblogged a post with content we don’t like, that is you showing that you are complicit, that is you making a public statement of “this is okay with me, here my name and face is attached to positive reinforcement of giving this user notes” and that is enough to make us block you.

If you can “casually” like/reblog because you “skimmed” something, we can block under that same principle. We see your name attached to something illegal, we block. We don't owe anyone a second chance, if something makes us umcomfortable, we can remove it from our circle without needing to defend our choices.

I’ll be honest, I’m a busy person, I skim read. Yes.

However, the difference is, I will still take the time to ensure that what I am skim reading isn’t something illegal, and apparently that is something some of you are unable to do. If I have gone out of my way to like a post to get back to it later, I have skim read over the vague tone of the post beforehand, so I would have seen the giant fucking warnings that explain a post has some messed up shit in it.

I literally do not understand how you could have read over the warnings and gone “yep – I’ll read that later 😊” and then gotten upset that we have seen your name attached to the notes. That is a pathetic excuse. You should have seen the warnings and subject and taken a couple extra seconds before acting upon it.

It’s completely different if the author had sneakily slipped that in or not given a heads up about the subject, but they did, there is no excusing it, really.

As I said before, it is not our job to police things. I’m not going to sit and refresh a horrible person’s post and contact each person who likes/comments/reblogs it and be like “did you know that you’re doing this?!” because it’s not my job and you have already proven yourself to be okay with it as you’ve interacted.

We have full time jobs, classes to be attending, life to be living, we sure as hell are not going to slide into multiple DMS and question your every decision. If we see that you are causing the horrid writer to think we want more from them by interacting positively, we are going to see that as a red flag and block at source.

It might be just me, I’m not sure, but if someone tags their posts as “dark/taboo” then I will check out their page and see what their limits are. I want to know that I’m comfortable interacting with the type of content they will be writing. I don’t want to like one post from them and find out later that they post something utterly horrific because then I would appear complicit with their entire nature and that makes me massively uncomfortable.

So, yes, I will look at someone’s page and get a vibe check before interacting because funnily enough I don’t want my name attached to their potential abuse. It seems like the bare minimum to check out who’s in my circle and make sure none of us are encouraging illegal shit, y’all don’t vet authors who post and make sure they aren’t using fanfic as a way to normalise their morbid nature?

People aren’t getting policed for everything they say/do, people are being called out for attaching their name so confidently to a person/blog/story that has some horrendous content.

We are allowed to voice our discomfort and announce our detachment from said person/blog/story to bring awareness to those who were unaware to give them the chance to either consent to those posts in their circle or block at will. I’m not saying we should run around with pitchforks screaming “*insert @ here* is a nonce!!!!” if they “accidentally” like a post to “read later” as they claim, but I’m within my right as an adult with a moral compass to block/unfollow anyone I see liking that shit.

I don’t owe you an explanation, a chance at forgiveness, anything.

If something you have done makes me uncomfortable, you aren’t allowed near my page, why is that so hard for anyone to respect?

“Not everyone fully looks at content before they reblog it!!” Well, maybe y’all should start. Welcome to the internet, where you need to understand that actions have consequences. Accidents happen, but you’ve gotta accept responsibility and realise that accidents still have reactions.

If you do something we don’t morally agree with, even as an “accident”, and we are uncomfortable, we are blocking it.

“They only warned about *insert two illegal topics here* so why are you mad about us interacting with *insert different illegal topic here* that we ‘didn’t know’ was included?” – bruh, please try and have some self-awareness. People have different boundaries. If they are uncomfortable with you supporting any content with any illegal subject involved they are well within their right to block you.

The fact it took us mere seconds to skim read their accounts and find the problem, yet you are using the defence that you had “no idea” despite the fact y’all were the ones interacting with the account speaks volumes, my dude. Why are you promoting shit you “don’t agree with” and acting like you were clueless when it took us all mere seconds to find the problem and decide we aren’t okay with it?

You need to be way more careful with what you interact with online, that’s what needs to be taken from this.

Like I said – it is not our job to sit and gatekeep things 24/7. If we see people interacting with content we don’t agree with, blocking you is completely within our rights to do. You need to be responsible for your own online interactions and maybe not skimread things.

This isn’t directed at any one person, more the whole community.

I’ve unfortunately seen people defending their actions, I’ve seen many call out posts, I’ve seen people stating their repulsion to this situation, I’ve seen it all and acted accordingly. It’s that simple. This isn’t a hate post, I’m not indirectly mentioning anyone, I’ve just gathered the gist of the situation from the stream of it on my dashboard and this was my personal standpoint.

If you’re going to get mad that people are hurt over you mindlessly interacting with posts where people have fantasied and romanticised the idea of any character harming children in any form, whether you liked the posts “by accident,” or because you are a sick fuck, that is your problem, frankly. You cannot hurt people's feelings (whether it was by accident or maliciously), then get mad at them for being hurt.

You need to do better and actually read what you are interacting with before you do that. People are allowed to be hurt and uncomfortable and angry and upset over others deciding to sexualise horrendous topics.

We can’t exactly stop the content being made, but we can keep our circle clean of that shit and block/unfollow anyone who’s values clash with our own.

It’s that simple, internet. <3

[butmakeitgayblog]

I have a strong dislike for the people on the fringes of Alycia's core friends group. They are the ones who make the little comments about her fanbase while her core friends have embraced her fanbase.

Well I'm not entirely sure who you're even talking about or what happened, but generally speaking idrgaf what people think anyway. People always got opinions on every damn thing you do, think, feel, and enjoy, and some people just like to ridicule the things that don't fall entirely within their own little hiveminded interests. Some people really never mentally leave high school, they're eternally the class bully, so it's not even worth paying attention to. So that's a pretty good point to start at. Like what you like, ignore other people.

That being said, my opinion on this is - in a general sense - split, because tbh it is true that there is a decent portion of her fanbase who act absolutely fucking wild and inappropriate, and it is weird. If you've ever ventured into her comments section? My insides necrotize instantaneously from embarrassment on her behalf more often than not. And they do it under other people's posts that involve her too! They'll dm her friends and costars asking about her, jump on people's IG lives and only talk about her (they used to do this to poor Colman regularly, god bless and protect that man), I've seen them do really fucking creepy location tracking on her friends/bf to try and pry into her personal life.

Like. She does have fans that do overstep lines on a regular basis and it is gross and weird. That behavior should be called out, and it makes sense that it is fucking tiring to deal with. I'm sure Alycia complains about it to them herself! I would too! I would also get tired if under every single post - including posts about new projects and new work I've done - people spammed it with messages about old roles that I had finished years prior. I would also get annoyed if people constantly made directly sexual comments right to me and my posts without any regard to my comfort. I would feel embarrassed af if people went to my friends pages and left those same comments, or ignored my friend's wonderful accomplishments just to talk about me. It's not hard to be decent to someone, and yet some people just do not care.

On the flip side of that, some people are just professional haters and extremely pretentious/self aggrandizing. Some people truly are only happy when they're ridiculing other people because it gives them self-validation 🤷‍♀️. Most ardent fans of celebs tend to be women as well, and historically anything women do or like is cause for shaming and mocking because misogyny and internalized misogyny is very real. A dude can know literally every single piece of trivia about their favorite athlete and follow their entire career and they're just deemed "a loyal fan", but a woman could know a bunch of factoids about her fave celeb and support their career and suddenly she's "a weird obsessive fanatic." There's always going to be double standards, which is why I say at some point you have to just like what you like and say fuck you to everything else. Especially when you're a queer woman (which the majority of her fans are) and your interest is intrinsically queer-based, because whew buddy the only thing worse than a woman liking things is a gay woman liking things.

Ya know. Cuz we're icky 🥰😘

[moononmyfloor]

Dashing Youth Ep 26-32 Commentary

Ep 1-10, Ep 11-16, Ep 17-21, Ep 22-25, Ep 33-35, Ep 36-40

Ep 26

Watched everything in 2x because I'm still reeling from prev ep, everyone's busy preaching and talking politics and shit and some of them are right but it pisses me off there's not a single character who'd think from the perspective of that poor little darling who is getting bedded without her consent with every wasted second. Well, Luo Qingyang and Dingzhi do but it's not like they are given that much of screentime.

I can understand that all the parent/grandparents gen are thinking about the "bigger picture" and their priority is to keep their giant families safe before anything else but it wouldn't take much effort for at least one of them to say ONE sympathetic line about Wenjun. Almost all the caring lines that came from everyone had been for Dingzhi, for losing his girl and not about how WENJUN is being taken against her will. Other than LQY and Dingzhi, only Dongjun asked: "Does she want to marry the Prince? If not, I'm in for the fight".

AND AFTER THE FAILURE THAT WAS ABOUT IT

Dingzhi is still alone, his only option is bidding time for 2 yrs till his power grows. And that too only thanks to two kind monks, one of which an old man and the other a literal child. Great. Just great.🥲 If noone else feels pressed enough to help shorten that time might as well just make a casket for the pieces of Wenjun's permanently broken soul by then.

Don't quote "butbutbut in historical times that's what it was like, nobody cared for what an insignificant girl thought" at me.

1. Don't bulk insult ancient people. They were perfectly capable of recognising injustice in matters like this and speak up against it, it's just that it wasn't a winning game most of the time. It's up to the storytellers to decide if you'd have a SINGLE character who'd provide a feminist pov.

2. This is not even a period drama anyway. Period. The storytellers have even less excuse now.

Ep 27

This is the only dynamic that brings me solace in this show now. No wonder that Dingzhi wanted his child to grow up under Reverend Wangyou.

There are more gays in the block but sorry boys I'm so not in the mood for shipping anymore

The rest of the ep is full of more heartbreak for Wenjun and disgust towards some others who are not worthy of being mentioned.

Ep 28

So you had six children already, and though you said you were besotted with Wenjun for a while now, you created your sixth child barely two months before marrying her. I'm all for polycules and would even enjoy harems in period settings where it's almost always difficult to not have power imbalance and have 100% happy partners all around, as long as it's shown mutual respect was present and sufficient effort was put in for all the relationships. But here?

Your first wife is freshly pregnant and you weren't patient enough to wait and earn the second wife's consent, I hope your dick rots and falls off.

Thank you for saying that, Dongjun. 😭 Though I've lost interest in you like, a LOT, I still love you. Also shame on you, Yue Yao. What a waste of your existence as a female character.

I love this guy solely for having a Targaryen throne and for planning to put the star-crossed lovers together, though it's for his own agenda. At this point, I'll take anything. Since there won't be a happy ending anw, I just want them to have their single illusory pocket which they more than deserve.

Ep 29

Reunion! 💕

Oooh hiya Simon Chen Junyu! I liked you in your mini BL show Decline, happy to see you again.

This is what happens when you do inaction and play blind at the face of social problems. You also will be eaten up by it eventually. Now how does that feel like huh?

Of all Dashing Youth characters, he's the most uninteresting, most useless and least acted well.

Ep 30

Their characters are sometimes quite reminiscent of Wu Xie's different facets

Haha I had actually forgotten about this couple

That was funny. Just two random dudes who appreciate each others swords lmao. ALso hi baby Jade Deity!

Mood

Ep 31

This was the baddassest highlight of this ep

Followed by Dingzhi finally stabilizing his Immovable Lord technique and Dongjun becoming the Liquor Deity. Kudos to Hou Minghao for convincing us that Dongjun has become more mature and serious person through subtle changes in behaviour.

Ep 32

Why does it look like he's having sex with the rain lolz

I've been missing you and your goofy laugh, Lei Mengsha 🥺

Fluffy couple outfits for the seniormost pairing in the show hehehe

Speaking of couples, my babies who have let their guard down the moment in the time they most need it 😔 He Yu got that adoring husband face down to a tee

WTF show Changfeng had been working his underdog ass off to advance to the elite circles of Jianghu and you wouldn't show his big break and just cheapass illustrate it off???

Prince Qing who had been the lamest of them all but had the coolest bodyguard lady he so didn't deserve, went out in a cool way but only thanks to her. RIP you won't be missed

So Ruofeng, Ruojin... you were sons of an unfavored consort. Amazing. One would've thought that made you two be men who are considerate about women, let alone those who'd actively fight for women's rights. Smh.

[xomoosexo]

My honest thoughts on will quackity fall

I hope so, I really really hope so because he ruined our community again when we were in the process of rebuilding it. He was selfish and didn't care about anything other than himself, his server and his reputation. He put so many people in danger, people who were related to Dream (which is gross behavior if you don't care about your old friends family) and completely innocent stans who were excited about their streamers new project

Now will he, the answer is complex;

The thing about quackity is that he's been in the content creation game to have seen everyone go down before him. He knows what makes people tick

You'll notice that with everything that's happened, quackity is never the center of attention, and when he is, he shifts the blame to someone else. The whole USMP thing was without question quackitys doing. Dream did everything correctly, when quackity announced the qsmp, Dream tweeted his support for it and then mentioned that he had a similar idea in the works so that when it came out, he could avoid getting backlash (it didn't really work sadly)

When he finally announced the USMP and people starting attacking him, he tweeted nothing but positive things about quackity, even saying that quackity really inspired him. When quackity announced the qsmps live translation mod again, nothing but support

On top of that, Dream opened the floor for quackity to even just like a tweet and let the fans know it was all good

But quackity didn't. And because Dream was the only one saying anything and Dream is the internets favorite punching bag, people attacked Dream for having a similar idea

And then when Dream eventually tweeted his public plea to quackity, he was shamed and harrassed. People took it as Dream whining even though he and his family were in literal danger

Sorry lmao, I got sidetracked

As I was saying. Quackity has never actually *done* anything. He has never done anything that can be directly pinned to him, what he does is he lets other people do things, to make their actions bigger than his, and then lets them take the blame

Anything he has directly done, qolos will say it's old or it happened so long ago (see his racist scam caller videos)

Quackity, above all, knows how to not look guilty. So if quackity gets cancelled, it needs to happen to his own community, it needs to be something that one of his actions directly and irrefutably caused, and more importantly it needs to be the qolos orchestrating their own downfall. If a dream stan even tries to say anything, even if it's one in a sea of qolos, suddenly it's dreams fault

Because what happens then, is a domino of all his past silences and the way his past silences have had direct and negative impacts on everything

I think unfortunately that quackity is too good at avoiding things and he has this uncanny ability to basically rebuild a new audience every few years making it much harder to be cancelled

that god damned law degree 😭 and people think dream is the damage control guy 😭😭 when in actuality he's just bad at it. quackity is so good most people don't even notice.

[lauratheghost]

I'm gonna complain for a while right now 😂

If you don't care about stranger's problems, this is your warning to scroll.

Also if you don't like hearing about dental problems, you should also scroll.

But I'm having literally the most annoying year ever and I need to just vent to strangers on the internet for a minute.

The day before Christmas, I'm just eating a grilled cheese and one of my back molars just breaks out of nowhere. And of course it's a Friday evening and a holiday weekend so I can't call my dentist until Tuesday.

I go in like a week later my dentist is like "yeah I can't fix that. You need to have it pulled." So I'm like "okay that sucks, but whatever."

So I make the apt to have it pulled and it's for like a month later. So in the meantime I just have a broken tooth for a month.

And then it gets infected. So I go on antibiotics. Finally the apt comes and I walk there (after having an anxiety attack pretty much)

And when I get there I'm not even on their schedule. So I go back the next morning to get my tooth pulled.

(Backstory, my dentist is an asshole. He thinks he has "dry humor" but he's actually just rude as hell and so awful and mean.)

He takes photos of my tooth and pulls it up on the screen and then proceeds to call the dental assistants over to come and laugh at the photo with him. 🙃😞

So that was cool.

Then he starts to try to pull the tooth but I can still feel everything- like the novacaine isn't working.

So he gives me more novacaine and waits precisely one minute before trying again. I can still feel it.

The assistant is like "do you think it's because she's on antibiotics" and he's like "no no it should have worked by now. If you can still feel it you need to go to a surgeon and get anesthesia."

So I go home and after like thirty minutes I'm wayyyy more numb then I was at the office. So I think the numbing just took longer because of the antibiotics and he was just inpatient.

I call the surgeon and they say they can see me in September. (It's like January now)

I have a complete meltdown.

Then my sister basically forces me to get another opinion by a different dentist. So I make appointments at this second office. I go there like a week later. These people are so much nicer- the only downside it that its much further away from where I live.

They look at my tooth and I meet the dentist and he's like "it's a shame you didn't come here sooner I could have saved the tooth."

So now I'm even more pissed at my old dentist. And I'm never going back there again.

But anyways, they schedule me to get it pulled like two weeks later.

I go back and they pull it, and it takes less than a minute probably. It was insanely easy and fast. But when the dentist is done he's like "good news and bad news"

And then he tells me that the broken tooth is out, but in the process, the crown on the tooth next to it came off.

So I once again, have another broken tooth now.

They put a temporary crown on it in February but it still aches all the time and isn't comfortable.

And now, on the opposite side of my mouth, I have a cavity somewhere but I can't pinpoint what tooth it is. But I can't eat anything hot or cold now until it's fixed and I swear I'm so sick of my mouth hurting and eating room temp food. 😩

I have an appointment in five days to hopefully fix the cavity, but I'm scared they aren't gonna fix the right tooth. 😭😂

Anywayssssssss

I'm trying to be positive now but first I just wanted to complain. I need to get it outta my system.

This whole ordeal has left me like traumatized though. I'm so scared to eat any food that's remotely hard now. And just being in pain everyday for like five months has really been getting to me. I actually signed up for therapy again over this 😂

I'm probably being dramatic

But pleaseeee let this year get better soon omg. 🙏🤲✨🖤

[eclaire-went-bam]

npd + autism culture is literally refusing to engage in your special interest because now it's so so mainstream and you don't wanna be associated with all the fakes who are into it

i pretend to not really enjoy space/astronomy anymore because holy shit so many people in my life who like astrology conflates the two. i can't talk about astronomy without someone bringing up some spiritual shit. and i know everything they do say that's correct, they're viewing it from a VERY different lens than i am

i hate family who act like "we're all stardust" is a new revelation to them in their spiritual journey, which i have ALWAYS stated growing up, albeit with a more scientific lens. they also act like it's some special notable thing that means we can manifest anything when i just think it's a fact of life & people only view it as something astonishing because of how mysterious and disconnected the stars seem to your average person

i can never bring up my nuanced takes on life outside earth because someone always dumbs it down or tries to make it fit their own personal ideology on real time, or they'll think i'm lying once i say The Proven Alien Hoax Is, ✨Surprise Surprise✨, A Hoax Again™.

don't get me started on all the alien theories rooted in Just Racism

there's also a lotta people who aren't necessarily spiritual or conspiratorial with it, but it's an aesthetic for them, which on its face is fine, but i hate the thought that i will be grouped in with people who just find kinship with the great unknown Like Y'all Don't Appreciate It Like Me!!!‼️ gatekeeping rn on god how is the special interest i was bullied for so mainstream in internal culture and aesthetics

so i just pretend i don't really care much about it & it's really diminished by love of space & that's a shame & all but idk what else to do

nevermind the fact that when i was like 7 years old i cleared out two whole libraries of their astronomy books by reading every single one regardless of reading level

nevermind the fact most things i own are based on space

nevermind the different space and aerodynamic museums ive been to

nevermind me being able to name certain events just based off photos

nevermind me still owning a lotta books

nevermind me opting to study physics so i could better appreciate space

how dare my special interest be stolen ‼️‼️‼️

[corpse-a-diem]

We See Dead People || Lil & Erin

TIMING: Two Weeks Ago (before Jonas' hospital incident) PARTIES: Lil (@the-lil-exorcist) & Erin (@corpse-a-diem LOCATION: A Latte to Love SUMMARY: Erin runs into her first medium and bombards a very gracious Lil. CONTENT WARNINGS: none

If there was one good thing about going out in public anymore, it was that if there was a ghost meandering along sidewalks or businesses, it was hard to tell–sometimes, anyway. They blended with the regular populous and if Erin had her blinders secured, she’d be able to ignore mostly everything else. But it’d been a while since she’d had a well-brewed cup of coffee, and despite the corny name, A Latte to Love had some of the best in town. The day had been long and the pile of paperwork on her desk promised an even longer evening. She didn’t know how her dad had done this side of the job for decades and she missed the days where she could hole up down in the mortuary and work to her heart’s content. Alone. Just her and the dead people that didn’t talk back.

Coffee in hand, she turned towards a free spot in the corner. Tucked neatly away from the busy atmosphere and surprisingly with a good view of the street. People walking to and from work, walking their dogs, but she was surprised to see the street quieter than usual. Must have been the cold Her eyes moved to a woman speaking with her hands to an older woman, more discreetly and off to the side. Erin wouldn’t have paid them any more than a second thought until the bicyclist zoomed through the alley. She stood back up quickly, like she’d be able to save the other person from getting run down from all the way over here. But the older woman turned, looked at the bicyclist–and let him run right through her. Literally through her. A ghost? But–the younger person moved. The bicyclist even acknowledged her, apologizing for cutting too close. 

Erin’s feet moved, darting to the pair before she even realized what she was doing.

--

Lil didn’t normally get to talk to ghosts. The side effect of her hearing meant that most communication was her looking at their lips and guessing what they were saying. Still, just like in life there were ghosts that did speak ASL - and if she had a soft spot for any it was for them. So, when Lydia - the kind old ghost lady who was near A Latte to Love started speaking with her hands a few months ago, Lil had always paused to talk to her. 

So when the bike came through she just moved back a little still taking to the older woman about her knitting journey and how she had a few more things to make before Christmas time. “Hey man - be careful about not hitting me.” She said knowing that he wouldn’t have seen the ghostly woman - a shame as she was pretty nice. She also was trying to move on, and Lil would give her a little of grace to do so. 

Lil turned a little as another person started walking down the way preparing to tell Lydia to move a little so she could still see her hands, unbothered by being perceived odd by other people. After all, she’d gotten used to it over the years.  Can you move over a little - So yeah I was thinking of a plaid pattern but I wasn’t quite sure -. 

--

Erin realized perhaps a little too late that she was very possibly intruding. And as she stood there between the two, dead and not dead, that she had absolutely no idea what to say here. She was also painfully aware that anything she said now, as she glanced at both women, was going to come off as either awkward or rude. The former wasn’t the worst option, she supposed. Though her eyes lingered on the dead woman, she forced herself to meet the other woman’s. “I’m sorry,” she started off immediately, clutching her coffee anxiously in front of her. She stood there for another moment before she realized she had to say something else instead of gawking like a freak on the sidewalk at this poor woman. 

“Do you–can you see… her?” The question came out clunky and unsophisticated–and probably rude if she knew better. It was at that moment she also realized the way the women had been speaking to one another. Regrettably, she had never learned ASL but did her best to communicate what she had just spoken, emphasizing the fact that Erin could also see the ghost that she was currently talking to. This was real, right? Another person who could see what she saw? Who had experiences like hers? All she could do was pray the swell of hope in her stomach wasn’t about to destroy her in front of this stranger. 

--

Lil didn’t expect the other to stop in front of her, her eyes turning to the other as she realized that maybe her private conversation wasn’t so private. Usually people just found Lil odd and left her with whatever ghost she was with and just glared at her. This person didn’t seem too, and honestly that was more surprising than anything else. “Uh hey - I’m not in your way or anything am I?” Lil said, tilting her head wondering. The other seemed pretty professional looking, but not like an authority figure. Surely she was allowed to sign to herself in the alleyway. 

At the question Lil blinked and too stunned to say anything else she said, “You mean Lydia? Yeah. - Oh you are a - oh gotcha.” Lil figuring out what was happening quickly and turning to the ghost she signed New Medium it looks like. She probably is going to need help. I know but what can you do. Sorry we can talk about knitting tomorrow yeah? 

“You see ghosts right? Guessing this is something you didn’t know other people could do?” Lil said waiting for the other to respond, “Oh that was a little rude. Hi I’m Lil, and I also see ghosts.” 

--

At the other woman’s hesitation, Erin was positive she was about to be dismissed, or even worse, she’d somehow gotten this situation egregiously incorrect. But the moment the stranger’s realization snapped into place, there was a profound sense of relief deflating the tightness in Erin’s chest. “Right. Lydia,” she repeated, nodding, glancing at the ghost who’s conversation she clearly interrupted. She added an apologetic nod and small wave but immediately turned back to the woman who had introduced herself as Lil. Lil, who could also see ghosts. Who, she clocked by her attitude, was much more comfortable with this than Erin could have dreamed to be.

“No! No, you’re not rude. I’m rude. I’m sorry. I just saw you out here and the biker just went right through your friend and I had to–” she didn’t know where she was going with this but immediately realized she was rambling and cut herself off. I also see ghosts. It was such a simple and simply stated sentence but it was all Erin could hear repeating in her head. She took a breath and started again, a small smile curling at the corner of her lips. “Hi, Lil. I’m Erin. And no, I didn’t know other people could see, uh–you know.” The g-word was stuck in her throat, like years of pretending they weren’t there had made it an unspeakable admittance. A bad word. “Ghosts. Yeah. I can–I can see ghosts.”

She shifted uncomfortably, that open vulnerability of that admission making her skin itch. That, and the eyes of the pedestrians she could feel on her back as they passed by on the sidewalk near them. “Are you busy? I don’t mean to bombard you or anything, and you can absolutely say no but, you’re the only person I’ve ever met who’s, you know–like me. And I have… so many questions.” 

--

Lil gave the other a smile waving to Lydia who had started to wander away. She didn’t seem to mind, just giving a small nod. After all, the other seemed excitedly wanting to talk to Lil. “No you’re fine. I know that if you’ve never met another one of us, you’d want to talk.” 

At her name she extended her own hand, chipped black nail polish and all to Erin and said, “Gotcha. Hello Erin. It’s nice to meet you. You’re fine.” Lil continued seeing the panic and nervousness of the other. 

It was the only thing she hated about meeting mediums that weren’t raised and it wasn’t their fault. Normally they thought that there was something wrong with them or that seeing ghosts was a curse. While everything else being even, Lil may have wanted to not be a medium - she wouldn’t have trained to be an exorcist- she didn’t think that seeing ghosts in of itself was bad. 

“Sure,” Lil said gently with a nod. In Spite of it all, she wanted this to be a good first meeting.  While Jonas would have been better at it, she would at least try. “I’ve got some time anyway, I’m not going to disappear either. Also what you are if I’m right is a Medium. Hey, why don’t we grab a coffee and we can talk, yeah?” 

--

Erin had to wonder if Lil had been through this before. There was a sense of experience there that guided her words and movements that Erin was, frankly, envious of, but glad for at the same time. She shook her hand, watching the ghost named Lydia start to wander off. “Sorry, Lydia!” She called out as she disappeared from view. Though if she was being honest, she wasn’t all that sorry. 

Lil was calming and receptive to her intrusiveness, which was more than she could’ve hoped for, even if she couldn’t properly verbalize her appreciation at that moment. Her brain was buzzing like TV static. A medium. She was sure Lil could see everything she was saying to Erin being processed right in front of her eyes. “Yeah, that sounds great. Thank you,” she nodded, a brighter smile reaching her lips as she turned to head back towards the coffee shop she’d just dashed from. Her things were still at the table she’d sat before, and she could only barely wait until Lil had ordered her own coffee before diving right in. 

“So… a medium? Is that what you are too?” Her voice was a little hushed despite the hum of the coffee shop. “And you said there are others?”

--

Lil tried to hide the chuckle her hand going over her mouth as she went into the coffee shop getting her coffee quickly. It wasn’t exactly what she had planned for the day, but it was one of the bits of when she was in the ghostbusters she hadn’t minded. She wondered what hunters did - if they saw each other in the wild and one didn’t know. She supposed it might be easier to just not know.

Certainly wasn’t the case for a medium. Sitting down across from the table she waited for the questions, which were fairly standard for her to start off with. At least Erin seemed to believe her outright that she should know. She knew after all she didn’t look like a typical medium, her punk clothing probably fitting better as a hunter than anything. 

“Yup, we are both mediums,” Lil said, deciding saying she had trained to become an exorcist was probably a bit more than Erin was going to understand at the moment. She also elected to believe Erin had a pulse, if only because she couldn’t remember what undead could see ghost. She was pretty sure it was zombies. Regardless, she decided the other would know more if she was one. “Also a yes. There’s not a ton of us, but maybe a few thousand in the world? There’s not really a census on it, but no you're not alone. It’s just pretty rare. There’s more here in town too. We’re a pretty big hot-spot for ghosts and mediums it seems. It’s something you were born with - even if you don’t remember it. I’m guessing something changed recently?”  Lil asked, mostly to lead the questions to what might be most helpful. After all, it didn’t seem like the other had ghosts hanging around her like they did for Winter. She could only hope she didn’t accidentally bind a ghost to herself. 

--

Erin hung onto every word and had zero interest in pretending like she hadn’t waited her entire life to meet someone like Lil, even if she hadn’t realized it until just now. And boy, had she. A few thousand? With a few more even just in town? This whole time, right in front of her, and she had no idea. The irony was almost cruel, in the Alanis Morrissette kind of way. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at that. Given that Wicked’s Rest is Wicked’s Rest. It’s always been a little off.” 

Erin shook her head. “Not really. I mean–I don’t remember much from when I was little, but I’ve always seen things. People. My parents, and even I thought there was something wrong with me. I saw so many doctors and therapists and tried to just… ignore it? They–the ghosts–started to go away, sort of. For a while. But they’d eventually, always come back.” The confession spilled from her, old truths she hadn’t shared with absolutely anyone. But Lil believed her and she couldn’t help but trust this stranger who could see her more clearly than anyone in her life. “But then my dad died. And it was his ghost that told me that what I was seeing was real.” She scoffed, glancing down at the coffee in front of her, a bitter bite to her words. “Which sounds… pretty fucked up when you lay it all out like that, huh?”

She paused for a moment before eyeing Lil once more, more questions fighting for attention in the back of her mind. “Have you always known?”

Lil blinked a chuckle on her mouth, “ Yes I think there’s something in the water personally, but it’s probably ghost capital. At least as far as I can tell. I used to be on the road but I could probably spend the rest of my days here and see more ghosts than most mediums ever do.” 

Lil listened quietly, letting her tell her story a sympathetic ping in her heart as she heard the little tragedy of not knowing. “I’m sorry to hear that. It's not uncommon when you don’t know another medium to think that way - but no you were always seeing ghosts.” She paused for a moment and nodded at the question and said, “Yeah. It does. It must have been rough and I’m sorry that it took that for your dad to believe you - but if you deny that you see ghosts for long enough it gets easier to ignore them for a while. They’ll end up coming back though. I’m assuming no one else in your family is a Medium?” 

It wasn’t unheard of, although Lil never understood what made someone a medium to begin with. Some people were like here, one of dozens in a line. Hell, part of her felt like her parents had married because both of them were strong mediums. 

At the question Lil raised her eyebrows, surprised a little at the question being directed at herself. “Yes. My family is full of mediums. I’ve always known about ghosts.” She knew more than that  - a lot of things that bumped in the night, but well she would much rather Erin still believe her at the moment. “It’s not uncommon though, if you don’t have a Medium family member to not know.” 

--

God, this was so bizarre. Not that Erin was out here just confessing lifelong secrets to a stranger but the wildest part was that this stranger believed her. Whole-heartedly. She sympathized and understood her. The validation was overwhelming. A wet warmth prickled at the corner of her eyes and she grit her teeth to hold it together. She wasn’t about to start crying in front of this poor woman she was holding hostage in the coffee shop on top of everything too now. “Thank you. Took a while but I got there. But, still, thank you.” She cleared her throat, narrowing her eyes in thought. Most of her extended family had passed already, outside of a few aunts and uncles that lived out of town now. If anyone else was like her, she would know. Right? “No. Just me, I’m pretty sure,” she answered, though it wasn’t a question she ever had reason to consider. 

“Your whole family? Really?” To say she was surprised was an understatement, though she was starting to understand the question about her own family. “It’s genetic, then?”

Erin paused again, straightening in her seat as the sound of the cafe came back to her. “I’m sorry, I know I’m asking a lot of you. I know you said you understand, we were raised very differently and I just–thank you for even giving me the time of day. I don’t think you know how much this means or how much it helps. But it does. So much.”

--

Lil wasn’t sure how to help with the tears in the corners of Erin’s eyes - something she should have known could come but always surprised her. Still, the other medium seemed to want it to be ignored so she let it. “Hey, it’s hard thinking you’re the only one dealing with this. I’m just glad you found someone.” She wanted to say something like it wasn’t her fault, but well she didn’t know the other at all. She might not like that tidbit even if it was true. Mediumship wasn’t a curse as much as it was just a fact of some people’s life - for better or worse. 

Still at the idea she was alone nodded and said, “Yeah that would be really rough. Like I said it’s not unheard of. There’s others that are in your shoes.” It must be terrifying if Lil was being honest. No wonder it felt like such a relief that she had met someone like herself. Sipping at her coffee carefully she nodded. 

“I mean in my immediate family. I have cousins and stuff that aren’t. I don’t actually know. I think it can be? At least to some extent, but it’s also not uncommon for it to skip around families or suddenly show up in one.”

At Erin seeming to realize their surroundings Lil replied, “Not at all. What you're asking isn’t something that is particularly much or anything hard for me.” After all, people who weren’t even mediums asked a lot of the same things of Lil all the time without being even a little grateful. While Lil’s dark circles were related to all of this world, it was hardly because of Erin. Besides, even if she had been kicked out of the Ghostbusters, building and helping others wasn’t something she was ever angry about. 

If Erin needed someone to tell her she was perfectly fine, then Lil would do it. No strings attached. Just like she had done with Winter, and to some extent Jamie. With a gentle smile Lil said, “Like I said outside, I’ll answer anything you need help with. I’ll even give you my number if you want to answer anything you forget to ask. Funnily enough you picked a family of people who do this kind of thing a lot. You’ve got to have some luck. ” 

--

Erin didn’t know how or if she could repay Lil’s kindness and graciousness. She seemed to have the right thing to say for every turn she went down or a solid enough answer for every question Erin had. It was funny how for decades of her life, her mind had been filled with question after question. She knew she had more in her. She could feel them drifting around like feathers she couldn’t catch in her brain. But the noise seemed… satiated. The most important one had been given light–she wasn’t alone. This wasn’t some unique neurological flaw. There were other people out there that understood her and experienced the same things as she did, as Lil explained. 

Her eyes turned to the coffee in front of her and she did her best to quell the swirl of emotions that had taken over the logical side of her. A small smile turned the corner of her lips upward. “You know it’s funny, I thought I had a thousand more questions but I can’t really remember any of them right now so I don’t want to take up too much of your time right now.” A long sigh slipped from her. Relief in its truest form. She actually felt lighter. “That would–that would be really good, actually.” She pulled her phone out and handed it to Lil. She paused for a moment, watching the younger woman, who held herself and spoke about this whole thing so easily. “I don’t know. I don’t know much about luck if it took me nearly forty years to find someone else going through this. But I’ll take it all the same.” 

Erin started to stand, anxious energy still fluttering through her limbs. She needed to walk. To think. To absorb what had just occurred. But before she did that, she paused in front of Lil once more. “Is it–I mean, I don’t usually ask this and if it’s weird, I get that, but–can I give you a hug?”

--

Lil wasn’t exactly used to this, normally she was telling people bad news, but it seemed like Erin felt more relief than pain. She could understand that. Being seen and known was something Lil had wanted badly when she was younger, to be seen as her own person and not as an extension of her family. It was something that made her reach out to other still, even when the sting of being pushed away hurt. 

So, when the other laughed Lil gave a small smile, something very true and gentle. “That’s okay. I’m not going anywhere around here, and I’ll make sure to put you in touch with some others too if you want.” It was bittersweet knowing that Erin did meet other mediums, she would probably be disgusted by Lil - but well she was owed a community even if it was without her. Putting in her number, she made sure to send herself a text so she would know it was Erin if she got messaged. At the idea she shrugged and said, “Better now than never right?” 

Thinking that her questions were done for the day Lil stood up gathering her own stuff and new coffee she’d be taking with her to the haunting she probably had to get too she paused a little surprised by the question. “Oh - Yeah sure. I don’t mind at all. ” Lil said, opening her arms for the other thinking that while an odd gesture, it might mean something. 

--

Better now than never was right. Now that Erin had finally had this moment, she couldn’t imagine going through the rest of her life feeling as alone and confused as she had been. Sure, she would have managed, she had this far (sort of), but this felt like something she didn’t want to come back from. This community Lil spoke of was still only a distant concept but it was tangible, a goal to work towards, instead of her continued meandering through the dark. 

Erin smiled brightly at Lil’s consent, wrapping her arms tightly but briefly (she knew she was already making this weird enough) around her. She hadn’t realized how badly she even needed this, if she was being completely honest. But before she could let the torrent of emotions build up and spill out, she stepped away, though the little but so sincere smile on her face was still stuck there. “Thank you so much, Lil. And I promise I won’t spam you with questions but I will be keeping in touch. I’m going to be thanking you a lot too. Just forewarning you for my infinite gratitude.” She took a few steps back, slipping back into the anonymity of the coffee shop crowd, feeling lighter than she had when she entered. 

[chemblrish]

Hey, First of all, I love your blog. It's literally aesthetic ~ I wanted to ask if you considered job prospects before deciding on your degree because I see people around me saying chem is not worth it because of future possibilities. I also have a background in Biotechnology, but had a similar issue with it being too vague. I am working in a totally different field which I am greatful for but I dont plan on staying here long term. Seeing your blog rekindled my interest in chem so would love to know your point of view on this or any advice you could offer. You can totally ignore this if you want as well <3

[This got SO LONG omg 🙈 But I hope it can be helpful]

Hi there fellow chem enthusiast!

To be honest, it's no secret that finding a job in the scientific field is difficult here in Poland. I was fully aware of it when I chose biotech first and then chemistry second. My reasoning back then was, "I love science more than anything and, since I have the opportunity to study it literally for free, why not take it? Why not spend five years - that are going to come and go anyway - learning something I'm passionate about, broadening my knowledge, and giving myself a chance to create a beautiful future for myself? Even if I fail to get a job in science, at least I will know that I tried my best. I'll have spent five precious years of my life doing something incredible."

Which may sound a little depressing, I agree 😅 But several years later, I still think this way. Even if I can't get a job in chemistry once I graduate, at least I'm so, so happy now. I can't really picture myself doing anything that's not science-related, so I know I have to try.

But at the same time, after a couple of years studying for two different science degrees, I have some insight that I didn't have straight after high school. I have had people tell me getting a science degree isn't worth it too, that I won't get a job afterwards, but I've noticed most of those people belonged to one of the following three categories:

1. People who have absolutely nothing to do with science: distant relatives working in business or trade, my parents' acquaintances with no higher education, everybody who ~has heard things~ but has never really been in the position to see firsthand how these things work.

2. My fellow science majors who have older friends with a science degree: their concerns usually sounded valid to me. After all, they were in touch with people who actually got the degree in question and then tried to navigate the job market post-graduation. Later though I realized a lot of those people belonged to the third category.

3. Science students who honestly don't know what tf they're doing - a category that I like to divide into two subcategories:

a. well-meaning but lost students who really need guidance

b. people who went to uni because eh why not but who don't really care and who refuse to put in the work.

I definitely belonged to category 3a at the very beginning of my uni journey, so there's no shame in that. I'm a first gen uni student, so I had to figure everything out all by myself as I went.

The thing is, I got to talk to a lot of people who complained that a science degree is useless while doing pretty much nothing to sharpen their skills. They floated through uni as if it was nothing but another chore they had to cross out of their to-do list, barely passing, having zero interest in their field of study, not taking any opportunities that were literally out there. No extracurriculars, no internships, no side projects, nothing. Is it surprising at all these people struggle to find a job in science afterwards?

Don't get me wrong, nobody has full control over their life - sometimes you just get lucky. My friend's friend (lol) needed to take a break from uni after his BSc and got a job in an analytical lab straight away. But most often you just really have to work your butt off to get what you want. The people from my old uni who truly cared about biotech worked extremely hard to get to where they are now: with published papers and working with their profs. Harsh as it may sound, I now know that if I don't want to be one of those people with a """useless""" science degree, I have to do more than is expected of me. I have to put my introverted, anxious self out there, because being passive probably won't get me anywhere.

The people who love you and care about you mean well when they say chemistry isn't worth it, but that doesn't mean they're right. Similarly, people who graduate with a science degree and then struggle to get a job aren't all slackers who just didn't try hard enough - that's absolutely not true. Life isn't always what we want it to be. I wouldn't exactly feel comfortable giving you advice since I'm still in uni, but I can tell you my experience, and my experience is people who know what they want and who are willing to work very hard for it, usually get it.

I'd say this is also no secret but it tends to float over people's heads (no shame in this either, it's hard to imagine your whole future when you're like 20) that when your profs tell you to do more, they're being serious. When they say doing extra is important, they're right.

So, I believe in all this stuff and I work hard and I got myself an internship, and will this get me a job in chemistry? I don't know! I've no idea! Maybe I'll fail miserably! Maybe I'll be one of those people who genuinely try hard and then just happen to be really unlucky! But right now I'm doing everything that's in my power not to let that happen. I can't guarantee you success in the scientific field - nobody can - but I can tell you hard work, determination, and faith in yourself increase your chances of succeeding dramatically. It's a cliche, I'm aware, but if you never try, you never know. You only get one precious chance to experience living on this floating rock and everything that comes with it. Why not try to make it good?