#okok I will stop this line of thought

[roguestarsailor]

talking myself down again---

do i even like him? can we even hold a conversation together? what if he did like me back, then what? would i even want to be with him? can i really find joy in him? is my worth really tied to the affections of this man? tied to any affections to any man? how do i feel when i am not trying to be what i think a man wants me to be? (i feel really fucken good). is the fact that he has a gf really a reflection of my worth and my reality? just because there's a sliver of life i am not experiencing, does that mean its all that my life will be? am i done meeting all the men i'll ever meet in my life? why does holding onto this guy and the associated feelings so important? why do i let him be a projection of what i lack?

there's plenty of guys. there's plenty of time. and one day its going to align and i'll have my somebody and feel very good. and i'd feel like myself. also listen @ me, i've done something right because they still want me around! enjoy it and don't believe someone else's actions are to spite me or meant to make me feel less than! i think these bad feelings are just a combo of me having bad body images again and seeing a photo of myself and not liking what i see. i can't seem to expel that toxicity skldjklfdsjklfds

[ddejavvu]

Okok. A little Dbf hotch scenario I thought of🤭

Imagine the reader occasionally smokes weed with friends and she can always get past her dad high without him noticing. But when she gets dropped off this time she comes home to Aaron and her dad having a drink… and he immediately knows she’s high.

Do with that what you will!

- eloise!!💌

today is multiverse monday, send me any au you can think of! :)

this post is 18+ (because of an age gap and drug use), minors dni.

You don't think anything will be different about tonight than any of the other nights you've come home high. Because your dad never notices, and you don't linger in his study when you announce your return home. You're not quite perceptive enough to pick up on Aaron's prolonged stare on you as you greet your father and his guest, but you do happen to notice when Aaron steps into the kitchen behind you not a minute later.

"Y/N," He announces his presence, and you turn, trying to keep your mind solely focused on him. It's hard, it wants to wander into a foggy haze, but Aaron's a treat to look at, so you start there.

"Hi, Aaron," You hum, a glass of water in hand to take back to your room, "Did you want water too?"

"No," He doesn't stop in the doorway, instead he makes his way over to you, stopping slightly too close for normal conversation. You lean back slightly out of instinct, though if you had your way you'd lean closer, and he studies your face.

"How much weed have you smoked?" He asks a moment later, interrupting the thick beat of silence that had befallen the cramped kitchen.

"What?"

"You're high," He raises a hand to your cheek, tilting your head down so that he can get a better look at you, "Your eyes are red. And you're spacey; you're high."

"I am not!" You feel petulant, like a toddler caught with their hand in the cookie jar, "I'm not high, I just- I've been crying."

"Really? About what?" He hums, eyes narrowing ever-so-slightly as he stares down at you, your chin still held in his large hand.

"Um- I broke up with my boyfriend," You fib, because you didn't have one in the first place, "And I'm just sad. That's all."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Aaron croons sympathetically, then drops his hand from your face so that his wrist hovers in front of your nose.

"What time is it?"

You squint at his watch, confused, "What?"

"Tell me the time," He urges, angling the face of his watch towards your own, "If you're not high, you'll be able to read my watch."

"But-"

"Come on," He murmurs, and the smooth tone of his voice sends your insides whirling, "What time is it, sweetheart?"

You don't know. The numbers just aren't making sense, and you're more focused on the dark hair lining his thick wrist than you are on the hands of a clock.

He gives you ten seconds, longer than he needs to know, really, then sighs.

"That's what I thought. Drink this, all of it, and go sleep it off." He gives you an unamused glance, lips turned down as he taps at the rim of your glass, "And don't ever let me catch you coming home high again, do you hear me?"

He seems to take your stunned silence for an answer, and relaxes slightly, backing away. But you find your voice before he's gone, "You're not my dad. You don't live here," And he's stiffening again, turning back to face you.

"I'm not your dad," He repeats, eyes a shade darker than they normally seem. "Your dad's so unobservant he wouldn't notice if you got a face tattoo. But I would. I know you, I notice you. And if it takes me moving in to stop you from smoking, I'll be here every night, sweetheart."

He lets his words hang in the air, exhilaratingly firm. It's a thrill to be noticed by him, even if it means he wants you to stop smoking weed. You watch him with parted lips, not a gawky gape to your mouth, but just enough for a soft intake of air to hit your lungs. You're speechless, and this time silence is your answer.

"Drink your water, and go to sleep," He instructs you, nodding towards the glass as he makes his way back to your dad's study, "Don't let me catch you again."

[muniimyg]

+ extra ! in our forever

series m.list

note: omg hiii ??? helloo ??? okok this was supposed to be posted for yoongi’s birthday... then i planned it to be written in time for my birthday/bts birthday... now it’s being posted mid summer.... like hello? where did the time go? i felt so stuck writing this extra because it feels more like the ending than the actual ending ? does that make sense lol... i planned to write their first kiss scene but honestly i don’t think i’ll be able to do so [unless i get the random urge to write it instead of studying for a final or smt] ! hoping to back more regularly when my work schedule stops being a bitch <3 slowly but surely,, my fics will continue to be deleted off my notes/drafts and pushed out frfr. thank u all of ur patience ,, i TRULY miss u all... laughing with u guys after every update literally gave me a reason to wake up and have smt to look forward to. i look forward to all of ur love and support for my upcoming / ongoing works. 

muwah muwah ,, kimi 💛✨🥂

ps… it’s lengthy y’all 💀 it’s to make up for being so mia HAHHAAA

warnings: smut & angst ,, MY FAVE DUO <3

taglist requests are closed !

taglist: @j3nnie101​ @tarahardcore​ @bbsantc​ @jeonqkooks-main​ @whoa-jo @ellesalazar​ @exhibitachol​ @pamzn​ @floweryjeons​ @boraength​ @4ksj​ @joonsjuice​ @taegijns​ @avtrns​ @taegix94​ @bloopkook​ @jihopesjoint​ @firesighgirl​ @vantxx95​ @damn-u-min-yoongi​ @yoongukie-ff​ @hopeworldjimin​ @thisisaburnphone​ @pb-n-juju​ @xjiminsthighsx​ @miss-rainy-days​ @percyjacksonlovesannabethchase​ @whitefoxgirl​ @slutforheeseung​​ @lovelytaes-blog​​

In the midst of the airport chaos, Yoongi finds you standing with a stupid sign that looks like it was decorated by your preschool students. 

It’s times like these when he can’t help but smile at how insufferable you are. Why are you so fucking cute? Standing there, looking for him in the sea of strangers with your warm greeting. It’s a sight he wishes to last forever. It makes his stomach turn knowing that it’s him you’re waiting for. It’s him you’re here for. 

It’s him. 

As usual, Yoongi finds you first and continues to let you look for him. He waits for your eyes to find his before he picks up his feet and makes his way to you. You smile, unable to hold yourself back from making your way to him as well. 

As you do so, Yoongi gets a closer and closer look at the sign. At that moment, his heart skips a beat, realizing that your preschool class knows about him.

The boyfriend. 

It’s such a simple label. It even sounds silly to say and even so; he never gets used to how it makes him feel. How excited he is to be yours and how others react to it... Something about little children running around the classroom, knowing their teacher ____ is loved and has a boyfriend makes him so happy. 

God, it’s so fucking embarrassing and it honestly doesn’t even matter... But why... Why was it consuming his mind so effortlessly? 

Though these thoughts and daydreams are so easily executed in his mind; being your boyfriend—the mere title of it—has him in shambles. He will never get used to this privilege. So, it’s only natural that he wonders if you talk about him to them just as much. He wonders if they’ve asked you any silly questions like... If you two have ever kissed or if you two were ever going to get married.. Better yet; if you have any babies with him...

All valid questions 3 year old's could ask you! Even more valid questions for your boyfriend to ponder. 

You talk about your students so much. Like, it’s a little ridiculous! You talk about them as if they’re yours. With that, the idea of having a family with you is prone to linger in his mind. However, that’s way down the line..

He’d have to propose to you first; marry you second, and then have children with you. All the while, loving you forever. 

These thoughts, though dramatic and honestly a little extensive—consume him. It’s a little strange and overwhelming considering that you two haven’t been together for that long. Not to mention, he had just left for nearly and month. 

Yet, isn’t that how you two bloomed anyway? Testing and proving that absence does make the heart grow fonder. 

He gulps as he watches you rush to him. You squeal as he picks up his speed and meets you halfway. There, you practically fall into his arms. 

Nothing is better than this. 

Yoongi has only been away for three weeks, but it feels like it’s been forever. You’re so used to having him by your side and these past three weeks just felt like torture. All the texts and photo updates were simply not enough. If anything, they made missing him even worse. 

But that’s all over now.

Now, he’s here. He’s kissing your cheeks and holding you close. He doesn’t think he’ll ever let go.. Why should he? 

“I missed you,” Yoongi confesses in a rather whiney matter. It’s as if he wasn’t the one that left for a trip.. You clearly remember asking him if he really had to go. Then, he pouts with eyebrows knitting together. You tilt your head in response. “Ace...” 

You snicker at his whine.

“What?”

“Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

“Hahahaa! Yoongi, you just arrived—”

His lips crash into yours, kissing you so profoundly that your back arches and melts into his touch. Everyone is probably looking at you two—ever so the dramatic couple.

Oh, whatever.

You missed him too.

The boys are all patiently waiting for Yoongi back in his apartment. 

As you unlock the door, Yoongi drags his luggage in. Immediately, he’s greeted with a wave of affectionate yells and shoves. His friends, ever so the gentlemen, push him around so much until they all end up on the floor. Laughing together, you watch them help each other up. 

“We’re grown men. Stop embarrassing me in front of my girlfriend,” Yoongi reprimands his friends as he dusts himself off. The guys roll their eyes in response and you even scoff. 

“She was late to a game and you cried about it—”

Yoongi corrects his friend with a technicality. “I almost cried.”

“Same shit!” Jungkook laughs at Yoongi’s sad attempt to save face. He then wraps his arms around Yoongi and looks up at him with bambi eyes. “You know.. I’m really glad you’re back.”

“Why?”

“Because I was promised cotton candy if I showed up to your welcome home dinner... So where the fuck is it? Give it to me. Now.”

The boys exchange looks with one another. “Jungkook, we actually don’t have any cotton candy tonight... But, don’t you want to be here and spend time with us—”

“Fucking liars!” Jungkook flips everyone off before pushing Yoongi aside and exiting his apartment. 

Everyone stands there for a moment, unsure of what just happened.

“Did he really just leave?” Taehyung bursts into laughter. 

Before you know it, everyone joins in. Laughing together because Jungkook is so unhinged... Also because you all know Jungkook would be back in (give or take) 20 minutes.

Why?

It’s not like he has other friends that would put up with his dramatic ass. 

As expected, Yoongi kicks everyone out. 

They all hurry out, leaving a bit of a mess behind. You shake your head as you collect all the dishes and bring them to the sink. Soaking the dirty dishes, you scrape off any extras and set them aside. Meanwhile, Yoongi is in charge of sweeping, mopping, and putting anything Jin, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook played with away. 

“How the fuck did Nam Joon manage to leave his sock here?” 

“His what?”

“Sock. He left one.”

You throw your head back, laughing and recalling how chaotic tonight was.

“He didn’t even drink that much tonight... I think you drank more than him,” you comment, turning to face Yoongi. He pauses on wiping the table and rolls his eyes at you. 

“Nam Joon is lightweight.”

“Yeah?” you challenge him, “what are you?”

“Wanna find out?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Let’s see how sloppy I fuck you tonight.”

You send him a glare, trying your best to mask your amusement. How could he be so unhinged? “Min Yoongi!”

“Yes, Ace?”

“Behave!” 

He shrugs at you. “I’ve been behaving.. Don’t believe me? Punish me tonight.”

You gag at his line. He laughs a bit as you make a cringe face at him. “Is that why you wanted me to sleep over?”

“No,” Yoongi slurs. You raise your eyebrows, eyes softening, with a small grin. Yoongi folds; “... okay, fine.”

You chuckle.

“Shut up!” He defends himself.

“I didn’t say anything!” With that, you burst into laughter. 

To put into perspective, the idea of sleeping over occurred after a very mature and communicative compromise. The compromise was that Yoongi had won 2 of 3 in an intense rock, paper, scissors game and you (have to because you lost) decided to spend the next week in his apartment. This would be a great time to reconnect and catch up on his trip. Regardless if he called and texted you every day during it; it’s different seeing his face light up as he relives his stories. You love listening to him talk about the things he loves—oddly enough, you’re all he can talk about these days.

Nevertheless, Yoongi tells you about how great his trip with his brother was. Seeing a bunch of NBA games in real life made him feel like he was doing something for his inner child. He talks about how much his brother bickered with him and how their taste in food was exactly the same so every time they went to restaurants; they would argue about who should get the other dish instead of both of them ordering the same meals.

You’re glad he’s back. 

Having your friends over tonight was such a good reset and time together. Now, the night concludes with cleaning with the love of your life. Could the simple things in life get any better than this?

Your thoughts are put on pause as you feel Yoongi’s arms wrap around your waist. As you continue to rinse the dishes, he rests his chin on the crook of your neck. 

“___,” he murmurs into your skin. You put the last dish on the dishrack before turning your body to be face to face with him. Tilting your head at him, a little confused with the underlying look of seriousness on his face. “Do your preschoolers ever ask about me?”

“Hmm?” you hum, unsure of what he means. “What about you?”

Yoongi purses his lips. “Like.. Do they know I’m your boyfriend? Who they’re making a sign for and shit?”

“Well, to be honest… We’re not really allowed to be talking about our personal life—”

“Bullshit.”

“Language,” you warn him. 

He kisses you in apology. 

“My bad,” he pouts. “Come on, ___. You’ve talked about me to them, haven’t you?”

You laugh, not quite understanding why he’s suddenly getting so heated about this. Sure, you’ve mentioned him once or twice.. How could you not? You’ve been in love with Yoongi for so long; it’s practically second nature to you. “Why do you care so much?”

Yoongi huffs, letting go of you. In a stiff manner, he shrugs. “I mean… The sign was made by them, right? They must know about me.”

“Umm, sure,” you roll your eyes. It’s not like this was turning into an argument or anything… But it’s just such an odd direction for the conversation to be going. “Aki, they’re a bunch of 3-year-olds. What does it matter if they know about you or not? I just asked them to help me make a sign because I was running out of time—”

“Do they ever ask you about marrying me?”

Your eyes widen. 

“What? No!”

Yoongi blinks. 

“Do you not want to marry me?” Yoongi crosses his arms, leaning against the kitchen counter. His chest tightens as he begins to feel offended. “Why’d you answer like that?”

“Like what?” you slightly panic. 

All his words are so new to you. He’s never been this straightforward… Or has he? Have you simply missed how seamless and blunt his words have been because you’ve been so into him? Suddenly, you can’t think straight. Now, you’re really confused. 

Was he getting angry?

Was he hurt?

From what? What did you say that’s triggering his reaction? You try to run it back, but it’s too late. Yoongi takes a step back and asks; “do you not want to marry me?”

You’re tongue-tied, unable to answer him. 

He scoffs. “You’re so fucking annoying.”

“Woah,” you instantly feel offended. “You can’t just bring up marrying me and then call me annoying for needing time to process what you just asked me!”

“Why do you need time to answer it? It’s yes or no. Do you want to marry me or not?”

You glare at him. “Are you proposing?”

“No.”

“Then I don’t need to answer right now… And honestly? You could tone down the intense attitude. We haven’t seen each other in 3 weeks… Why can’t we just have a nice evening together?”

Yoongi sighs, slightly feeling more flustered. He takes a deep breath and surrenders to the feeling of hurt. 

“I think I’m gonna crash at Hobi’s tonight.”

“What?” you groan in disbelief. Is he actually serious? “Yoongi, this is your apartment. You won that stupid rock, paper, scissors game and I’m here. I had to switch my shift for tomorrow to be here with you and now what? You’re just going to leave me here?”

… And before Yoongi can think of a proper response to deflate or change the course this moment; he lets his sharp words cut through his lips. “Well, pardon me for not being in the mood to spend the rest of my evening with someone who I thought saw a future with me… Kind of a mood killer, you know? When your girlfriend is practically dating you to break up.” 

“I never said—”

“Drop it, ___. It’s whatever.”

Your face softens and you can’t help but tear up. His anger feels sharp and abrupt. 

“What now? Did I fuck up again?” Yoongi says coldly. 

You shake your head, eyes fluttering the tears away. “No, it’s okay. I know you’re upset.. But it’s Ace, you know? You always call me Ace. I haven’t heard you say my name in a while. It’s like you’re actually mad at me or something..”

Yoongi stays silent. 

You never expected this. 

A whole week passes by and the most that has happened between you and Yoongi since are pathetic “good morning” and “good night” text messages. You two avoid each other and barely replied in the group chats. You’ve picked up extra shifts and Yoongi has been spending most of his time with the guys, with his brother, or alone. Thank god he warned the guys not to reach out to you regarding the argument.. Yoongi knows he was wrong to get so heated up so quickly… But also, he knows deep down his feelings were valid. 

It’s so stupid. 

The way he has been handling this entire thing is so fucking lame. He knows it and you know it. You both are acting like such babies—unwilling to communicate and understand each other. To be fair; you two have never reached the part of an argument where it actually made one another upset. This was the first time and it’s honestly the worst fucking thing you two have gone through. 

It’s sickening. 

It’s painful waiting for his calls and missing his daily updates… Avoiding eye contact and hesitating to hold your hand when you two are around each other. It doesn’t help that you can’t even remember the last time you two kissed and held each other since his arrival home. It has practically been a month since you two have been together together. 

Now it all aches. 

It hurt him to think that you couldn’t see a future with him when he knows his future is you. It ached so much to see the way your face went blank… Why were you unsure? Has he not given you all the reassurance you need? Has he not been doing enough? Was the 3 for 3 not good enough? … Rather, will he ever be good enough?

All these questions flooded his mind from morning to night. He waits for your reply every day and wonders if he should just swallow his pride and be the first to yield. 

This was your first disagreement as a couple and he isn’t too sure how to navigate through it. What is he supposed to do? His past relationships were never as dramatic as this.. Well, truth be told; he didn’t really care about his exes as much as he cares about you. Dramatic or not, the feelings were real and all more of the reason to push forward with begging for forgiveness. 

Begging to be yours. 

Begging to be loved. 

So what now? Does he surprise you with a significant gesture and make a bunch of promises that he knows are half-assed? In a sense, he was still angry. However, Yoongi knows better. His anger can’t be the reason he loses you.. And as we all know; Min Yoongi is a sore loser. 

Forever, Yoongi will refuse to lose you. 

The mere idea of dating you only for you two to break up… Sickening. He would rather crawl to you than walk away. As this realization hits him, he rushes inside his apartment and then into his room. He should go see you. 

Now. 

He has to see you now.

Yoongi doesn’t know where you are. 

At first, he had a few ideas of where you could be. At your apartment, in the library, or at the pool watching Jungkook’s swim practice.. He runs around campus desperate to find you. In all honesty, the speech he had prepared got lost along the way. As he hurriedly searches for you, the only words that ring are: it doesn’t end here. 

We don’t end here.

I love you—

You. 

Yoongi sees you sitting on the same bench you pitched three for three. You’re swinging your legs, watching the morning waves crash against the shore. He soaks in the sight of you looking so at peace. He loves how pretty you are from a far.

And then it hits him: he’s so lucky to love you.

It’s truly a privilege to love you because of everything you are. His anger and all the reasons he had gaslit himself into self-sabotaging your love for him—the extension of your beauty… It was so fucking wrong. Maybe he got too comfortable believing that he had you. Maybe he was too mesmerized with the idea of you two lasting forever that he forgot to even fucking ask it. 

He was wrong. 

He should’ve asked first. 

… But that’s the thing about being in love; you have faith. You believe in everything about the person you love. You believe in the good and that the universe sees you well enough to bless you forever. You believe in all the shooting stars and wishful thinking… You believe in forever when you meet the one that makes forever feel like it’s not enough.. But, you’d take it anyway. 

Drowning in his thoughts, Yoongi stands still and practically zones out. Meanwhile, from the corner of your eye, you see him. You see him standing there with the most devastated and desperate look on his face. Then, his eyes flicker to you. 

Your eyes meet and lock. His are glossy with tears building up. Even from a far, you can tell he has horrible eye bags. Perhaps, he hasn’t been sleeping well at night. Overall, he looks like a mess. He’s wearing grey sweatpants and your favourite white FOG shirt he owns. Even so… He looks restless. 

For his sake, you pretend not to see him. You turn back and watch the sea. Sitting in silence, you take deep breaths as you feel him walking toward you. You’re sure he’s here now but you don’t want to say anything. 

What could you say?

And it’s weird because you’d expect him to clear his throat and speak.. But he doesn’t. No, he stays silent. Yoongi also doesn’t sit down next to you. Instead, he stands a few feet away and watches the waves kiss the shore. 

Never has he ever felt so jealous of the sea.

An hour and a half passed by since Yoongi found you and within this time: he stays silent.

He follows you around, trailing behind you like a fucking loser. His head is bowed down for the most part and he focuses on following your shoes. 

You don’t have any classes today so he finds it a little weird that you’re running around doing random shit. You aren’t buying anything or meeting up with anyone.. It just feels like you’re stalling. In a stupid way; he’s thankful you’re doing so.

He doesn’t say anything though.. Why would he? All the words he had prepared got lost as he followed you around. 

All of this simply angers you. 

The quiet moment shared between you two at the seaside bench was cute but now he’s just being fucking annoying. Is he serious? He blew up a week ago and now he can’t even apologize for leaving you alone that night? For how cold he’s been? For being the worst boyfriend ever? 

Oh my god. 

It pisses you off so much. For a man that’s such a sore loser; he surely isn’t doing much to win you over. 

That’s just it! All men do is lie. 

By now, your feet hurt and you’re too annoyed to keep playing whatever game this is. You pick up your pace and turn toward the direction of your apartment. 

Yoongi follows. 

Your irritated mood begins to cloud your thoughts. You can feel your frustration take over and you just know you can’t do this anymore. The silence, the sad puppy look on his face, and the simple fact that everything between you two just feels so paper thin—no. This is not it. This isn’t want you want. 

You pause and turn to him. 

He lifts his head and blinks at you slowly. Still, he stays silent. He doesn’t even greet you with a smile.. Nothing. What the fuck? What’s the point of any of this?

The fucking audacity of this man. 

“That’s it?”

Yoongi shrugs. 

“Coward,” you hiss. Taking a step forward, he follows your lead. You’re close enough to him to reach out and hit his chest with your fist. You don’t do anything. You stay still, just like him. In your head, you’re crying and he’s holding you. In your head, he’s already pouring his heart out and you’re mending everything back together. In your head; Yoongi is fighting for you. 

“Do you have anything to say?” you ask desperately. “You can’t do this, you know? You can’t ignore me for a week and then just show up and not say anything. You can’t follow me around like you care when you obviously don’t. What the hell, Yoongi? If it’s over, then just say it. Say it so I can go home and wonder why the fuck the universe gave me you just to lose you because I.. I’m falling apart here—I can’t—I don’t know what’s going on and you just spent like two hours not saying a single word to me. If you have nothing to say then fine! It’s over—I don’t fucking know what’s going on anymore. Do you?”

“Not really,” Yoongi reveals. “I love you.. That’s all I know.”

His hands are on your waist, guiding you through your own apartment.

Yoongi’s kisses have never felt so good. His lips are so addicting—you can’t stop kissing him back. As innocent as the kissing goes; you can’t say the same for his hands. Once on your waist, now slipped in between your panties and your skin. 

Your body shivers from his touch.

“Slow down,” you pull away from him; “I’m still mad at you.”

Lies.

“Good,” he snickers deviously, “hate sex sounds really good right now.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“I can change that.”

Without warning, Yoongi picks you up and throws you onto your bed. There, you watch him take off his jacket, his shirt, and then just as he’s about to take off his pants; you crawl to him. 

“Can I?”

Yoongi fights for his life to stay calm and cool. He succeeds as he lets out two words: “say please.”

In response, you glare at him. “You want me to say please when you’re about to get head—”

No warning. 

Yoongi tugs his sweatpants down and grabs a handful of your hair. He shoves his thick cock into your pretty mouth. It shuts you up immediately. The moment you feel his velvety skin in your mouth, you moan at the taste of his precum on your mouth. Yoongi throws his head back from the relief and literal pleasure of your warm mouth wrapped around him. In contrast to his initial action, Yoongi thrusts in gently. His tip hits the back of your throat and you gag—tears triggered. You suck him as he moves back and forth. It makes him weak. How are you so fucking pretty while you do the dirtiest thing? He doesn’t know if he hates himself or not… How could he be doing this to you? At the same time, how could he not? 

He’s wanted this for so long. He missed you so fucking much.

“Mhmm,” he moans, “hate me yet?” 

He pulls you away from his dick. You grab it with your hands and jerk him off. Tilting your head, you bat your eyes at him. You shake your head at him, “I love you, Aki.”

Yoongi’s heart collapses. With no time to waste, he bends down and kisses you deeply. “I love you too, Ace.”

Just as you’re about to continue, Yoongi shifts you to lie down. Though a little confused, you follow his lead. “Wait, I wasn’t done sucking your—”

“I need you,” Yoongi confesses so sinfully. There’s truth in his voice. The kind that feels urgent and “I need you more than you need me.. Please, ___.”

You nod, fully understanding what he wants. 

Laying on your back, you spread your legs for him. He assists you and helps you take off your pants. He tosses them aside before running his thumb on the band of your panties. For a moment, his hands roam around you. He runs his thumb against your heat before pushing them aside to see you bare. 

“Just take them off,” you advise him. He rolls his eyes at you. 

“I have a thing for your panties, Ace.. Holy shit, give me a fucking minute.” Yoongi hisses his words and it makes you laugh. “Don’t fucking laugh, you cockslut.”

“I’ll stop laughing when you finally fuck me.”

“Be patient.”

You cross your arms at him.

“Aren’t you the one that said you need me—oh my god!” you gasp, feeling yourself begin to throb at the feeling of Yoongi’s spit running down your folds. He smirks at how fast you shut up. Yoongi then takes off your panties entirely and then spreads your legs in front of him. 

He jerks himself off a few times before hitting his hard cock against your pussy. Your breath hitches when he does so. “Are you wet enough?” he asks with no intention of waiting for your reply. He uses his thumb and index finger to spread your folds and judges for himself. He then spits again and massages it into your wet pussy. “Better?”

You nod, unable to answer. “Don’t finger me,” you beg. “Just fuck me, okay?”

“You don’t want me to finger you? How about I at least eat you out first—”

“You didn’t let me finish giving you a blowjob!”

Yoongi laughs, “I would’ve fucking nutted so hard in your mouth if I had let you suck it for one more second. Come on, Ace! I love eating you out. I want to make you feel good—”

“You’re not being fair,” you whine. “I want to make you feel good too.” 

“You do more than enough—fuck. Wow. Okay. Rude! Don’t be a bitch.”

You took off your top.

Now, he’s distracted by your plump breast. In all honesty, his favourite thing is to watch your boobs bounce when you two fuck. Whether it’s missionary and he’s on top of you; listening to your soft moans and lewd praises or if you were riding him; heavily breathing and concentrating on getting yourself off… He loves it.

He fucking loves it all. 

And so be it. 

Yoongi gives in. You smile in pure happiness as he gulps and settles himself in between your legs. He pushes himself inside and you moan in relief. 

Fucking finally.

It’s been too long. 

Yoongi thrusts in and out, completely melting in how good it feels to fuck you raw. He watches intensely as your breast move up and down from his thrusts. He looks at you and your stupid fuck me eyes that have him weak. All he knows is that he’s yours. His entire existence is because of you—because of moments like these where he is completely and utterly yours. 

As he fucks you, all he can think about is how much he loves you. How this is what home feels like—how good life actually is. It’s you. Everything good in his life is connected to you. It completely tears him apart. 

The more emotional he gets as he processes his feelings, the harder he fucks you. Soon, you’re moaning like never before. He fucks you so good that the bed practically shakes and your entire world begins to spin. He sits up more and grabs one of your breasts to help himself stabilize. As he continues to fuck you, all you can do is whine his name. 

When you reach your climax, you cream all over his cock. He doesn’t stop there though. No, he keeps on going. He keeps on going until he can’t take it anymore and his body collapses and falls on top of yours. There, you wrap your arms and legs around him. Sloppily, he finishes inside you. 

“My universe,” he whimpers, “you’re my universe.”

It’s a dewy rainy morning. 

Your bedroom window is open and the cloudy sky only makes your empty room feel gloomier. 

You woke up naked and alone. After the third round—because you’d be a complete idiot to think that Yoongi would call it a night after one round—you had fallen asleep next to the love of your life. 

Where is he now?

You’d be lying if you said it didn’t hurt to wake up alone. Was all of that… Just break up sex? It couldn’t be! In between rounds, you and Yoongi found it in yourselves to make jokes and basically sink into your old vibes… No way did he just leave you. 

You gather your sheets and prepare to get up. Just as you’re about to, Yoongi comes out of the washroom. His hair is a little damp and he’s only wearing his sweatpants. 

Oh, what a sight. 

You squint at him and rub your eyes. “I thought you left.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” he laughs, throwing his shirt at you. It lands on top of your head. Taking it, you put it on drop your sheets. 

“Can you pass me my panties please?”

Yoongi leans against your bathroom doorframe and shakes his head. “Nah.”

“Don’t be a dick—”

“Round four?”

You laugh. “You haven’t even said sorry yet and you think you can sneak in a forth round?”

Yoongi shrugs at you nonchalantly. “I snuck in three rounds last night… What’s another three? Three for three.” He mocks you. 

You stick your tongue out at him. 

Silence falls between you two as the sound of gradual raindrops hit your window. You turn your head and watch the rain begin to fall. 

“Didn’t know it was going to rain… Isn’t it the middle of summer? Kinda strange, don’t you think—”

“I’m sorry.” 

Yoongi folds. 

You turn back to him and see he’s on his knees before you. His head, just like yesterday, hangs low. 

“I overreacted. I felt like I was losing you. I was so stubborn and defensive that I ended up fighting for my pride rather than us… ___,” he pauses and lifts his head. “I’ve never been in love like this before. I never knew how much my feelings could consume me and how much I want us to work out. I was trying to fight for us. I know my words aren’t much; but I hope asking is enough.. I’ll be better. I’ll be so good to you from now on, I swear… The jealousy and insecurities I have… I’m so messed up sometimes—I know… But I’m trying to be good enough to stay in your orbit.”

“Yoongi—“

“I was trying to pitch forever with you and I didn’t even give you a fair chance to accept or decline—”

“I would’ve said yes,” you interrupt him. “If you had asked properly; the answer is yes. Of course, I’d marry you… In due time.”

“Really?”

“Yeah… I’d have to introduce you to my preschoolers first but I’m sure you’ll win them over super fast—”

“Be serious.”

“I am!” you laugh, patting the spot next to you for him to join. He gets up and sits beside you. “I think we were just caught up in the moment. We were separated for a hot minute—I feel like it was just… Miscommunication? We can work on it. We’ll just have to be more patient with one another and maybe not ignore each other for a week?” 

Yoongi sighs and nods. “I still feel really shitty about everything.”

“Good,” you tease him as you cup his cheeks with the palm of your hands. He kisses them before resting in your embrace. “Make it up to me someday.”

“... Did you do it?”

“No.”

He stares at the ring box he purchased with his brother during his trip to the States. The engagement ring you had not-so-secretly pinned on your Pinterst board was only available in the States.. Of course, because the universe was on his side; the trip and the ring’s time and location lined up. 

“I thought you were going to propose to her when you got back? If that stupid fight didn’t happen, we would’ve been having a different conversation right now. Did you guys even make up?” Yoongi’s brothers voice echoes in the call. “You dragged me to that fucking store and had me pick out details for like twenty rings!”

Yoongi sighs as he closes the ring box and shoves it inside his desk. Truth be told.. He wasn’t planning to propose to you yet. He just wanted the ring ready for when the time comes. 

“Someday,” Yoongi promises. “I’ll make it up to her someday in our forever.”

[coff-in]

Oh my god can that be my name? Devious Anon? <<<< I mean if you wanna kiss I'm not gonna say no.../j Also that's such a mood this game constantly invades my mind during working daytime hours, thank fuck I am done with finals sooo for now I have some time to fuck around :D Okok so first and foremost, I think the main reason Andrew might not kill baby sis reader is because he thinks she doesn't deserve to be dragged into their old sibling bullshit. Reader is still playing angel most of the time, so Andrew mostly thinks of her as innocent and she still has her whole life ahead of her! I like to think he would at least leave her some sort of message before he kills Ashley and them himself, but she doesn't take well to it because her siblings are dead and that was her whole life and now there's no life ahead of her! (This is compounded if Andrew was her favorite sibling and left the message behind because I think there's an extra layer here of "you'd die for Ashley but leave me behind, so clearly you care about her more than you care about me" and by god will she chase him to hell to terrorize him about this.) I WROTE THAT LINE BC ANDREW'S IN MY MIND WITHOUT RENT 24/7 LIKE AAAAA THIS MAN HAS NO RIGHT!! BEING!! SO DATEABLE!! Like hell I can't blame Ashley or Julia I just-rrrrghh. I read one of your past posts where you mentioned Andrew eating the reader out and all I can think of is him telling her that he'll take such good care of her and to relax when she wakes up to him eating her out first thing in the morning. Anyway. Ahem. Excuse me for that horny thought. If devious baby sis is left behind with the not-favorite sibling...I think she ultimately still loves both her siblings, just unbalanced, so she'll still stick around, but eventually the sibling will kind of realize that reader has lost her light. She can't joke around as much, she stops being a little shit, she's helpful and clings close and gives the sibling affection but there's some measure of distance unlike before (she probably also holds some hidden resentment towards the surviving sibling). This could ultimately go three ways—the surviving sibling eventually patches up with her and becomes her favorite sibling/or at least on equal grounds with the dead sibling (good ending), the surviving sibling goes off the rails as the realization that their baby sister no longer loves them (and maybe never did love them) the way they always thought she would (kinda bad ending bc I can see Andrew resigning himself to this, maybe thinking this is what he deserves, but for Ashley, this is another slap to the face because once again, not even her own little sister puts her first), or little sis reader eventually can't take it and kills herself (bad ending for sure bc I don't think Ashley or Andrew will be sticking around for long after that.)

notes from coff-in: AAAAAHHHHH DEVIOUS ANON DEVIOUS ANON WELCOME TO THE COFFIN!!!! im so happy to have you here! i was honestly refreshing tumblr on my phone waiting to see how'd you respond to my post im sorry!! tcoaal has been a daily in my life for a month now, like ive never been to attached to a piece of media this hard before (besides homestuck) ah anyway, your ask! my response!

[fem] reader-insert, [devious younger sister reader] continued, incest, NSFW, murder

andrew leaving a note for baby sis [reader] would fuck her up SOO MUCH, like holy fuck. this has gotten me thinking about how, what if, reader killed ashley for andrew? like classic yandere style stuff: [reader] sees ashley getting under andrew's skin and pushing his buttons and making him mad. when ashley goes to have her vision she sees [reader] chasing after her instead! "i don't know why you insist on pushing him so much, leyley. why can't you be a good girl like me and do as he says? hm? maybe it's cause you don't love him as much as i do... i'm pretty sure no one ever will really." i'm not the best with dialogue but like GGRRRRRRR I CAN SEE IT IN MY MIND

ashley would then have to worry about andrew leaving her AND her little sis possibly killing her! that's not even taking into accounts andrew's reaction to it since the visions always end after ashley dies... would he resent [reader] for killing ashley? would he kill her in turn and then himself? WHAT IF ASHLEY DEFENDED HERSELF AND KILLED [READER] IN THE VISION??? im really going into hyperdrive thinking all these thoughts

also never apologize for horny in my inbox, this whole blog is my excuse to write porn about me and the graves siblings (and now you guys too!! yay!!! :D) i saw it come up on the tcoaal subreddit that andrew would eat pussy and it just made so much sense in my head. i headcanon that andrew likes to eat pussy (idk if he's any good but he's eager to learn) and is an ass man. i mean he talks about ashley's fat ass in the motel room, and how he would slap her cheeks when climbing into their parent's house, AND THE SCENE WHERE HIS FINGERS ARE THROUGH ASHELY'S BELT LOOPS!!! god i can imagine his waking up baby sis [reader] with the most sloppiest head ever, rubbing her thighs and saying how he's "gonna be a good big brother and take care of you"

he's biting her inner thighs and sucking on her clit/dick (for all the lovely little sisters who have one) and just GRRRR ITS NOT FAIR HE'S NOT REAL!!! he tells her to "be a good girl and cum, cum in big brother's mouth" and i just... [reader]'s going to have to most intense orgasm ever because it's an absolute dream come true for her!!! probably passes out due to how hard she came... and it's only fair that she returns the favor when she wakes up, no? ;)

i can see the awkward and silent car rides with [reader] and her least/second favorite sibling. the empty space between that used to be filled with their bickering and laughs is just... quiet now. they ask her what's wrong and she just continues staring ahead of her until she lets out a silent, almost missable "i miss andrew/ashley..." i actually don't know how much more angst i can write until it becomes a full on oc/reader insert fic (man if only someone could write what they wanna see *looks in the mirror*)

ah... but thank you so much devious anon for adding ur brainworms to this blog, they have throughly burrowed their way into my head. and i dont want them to leave :) (*makes out sloppily with you*)

----

coff-in

[dy6nsty]

okok, so like its just a thought, but sleep token iii x reader where the reader helps iii practice playing the notes for songs and they just end up writing a whole ass song together

(if not all good!)

══════════════════════

Were wildin out here but i’ll be a wildabeast today (i don’t know what this means either.)

III x GN! Reader.

══════════════════════

You and IV sat in the rehearsal room, music sheet on a small music stand that was a decent level to read from. “Alright can you replay measure 23?” You asked, which he complied to as he played back the notes and beats.

His finger slipped, creating a different tune than what was wanted. But– it did sound pleasant. Your eyebrows slightly perked out as he awaited for you to say something while he muttered a sheepish apology.

A gentle hum coming from you as you observed over his guitar strings. “Play it again, if you remember.” III looked a bit confused at the answer but did what you asked, repeating the line with the note at the end.

You nodded and thought to yourself before gently shutting the papers of music. “Y/n- what’re you doin’?” He asked with a puzzled down, which was obvious since the whole reason you two were down in the rehearsal room was for rehearsing… (Duh.)

“Hold on, I have an idea.” Shushing him, you got up and grabbed a few sheets of paper and a pen. You sat back down and shuffled the papers against your lap before jotting down reassures and music notes along the paper.

III watched you with amusement and awe. Faint noise of scribbling bouncing off the rooms walls due to the thick silence of concentration.

You set the paper back down on the stand pointed at the first line. III stared at you, dumbfounded. “I want you to try this melody.” You informed him on what you wanted. He just sighed, and slowly played the notes in a slow tempo. Although, the beat did sound nice. “What is Vessel gonna think about this?” He asked, pausing after a few measures of your new creation.

You shrugged and shook your head. “I’ll show it to him later but you’re here with me now and I would like to test this out.” III didn’t argue and shook his head. “Again?” III asked, and you nodded pointing at measure one.

His fingers and hands gliding along the guitars base and strings, strumming and tuning with the music notes you had commanded. Once he slipped up, he looked over at you, and when you nodded at him he replayed the rhythm over again.

His head faintly moving along with the beat once he had finally learned it.

He stopped and let his arms rest a bit, you were satisfied with the new music you created with him. “We all finished?” He asked. You hummed back and stood up— when he noticed more papers he squinted his eyes at you.

“Whats that?” He said with curiosity flowing throughout his voice. “Don’t worry about it..” You muttered. His skeptic growing more with the tone of your voice. “I’m just gonna grab IV for a moment.” III had known what you were up to. A small melody you both had created together, now IV and II would soon be in the part before anyone asked Vessel..

══════════════════════

[bedforddanes75]

smh Filth here...

this isnt good enough for me to post on ao3 have it here instead. 18+ and stuff. ok anyway dont tell me if this sucks just leave and dont ever speak again

back fic? george doesnt wanna think and matty likes georges back. no im not projecting what do you mean. warning (technically) Unfinished and bad and idk man just read and again if u dislike (and i find out about it) then DIE im comign to get you. listne to pink floyd and chiiiillll the fuck out IM SO STRESSED i hate posting so much i cant stop speaking im trying to soften the blow (no blowjobs happen) but like i dont know Girl someone get me a gun I REALLY WANT A GUN oh my god OKok ko koko kok ok kok ok ok ok ok juts GO there its'heere

He gets George laid on his front, face pressed right into the pillows and chest fighting to expand under his weight. George keeps making these quiet, almost pathetic noises, whimper-esque, and delicate, and Matty can tell he’s fighting not to grind into the mattress.

“You can make yourself feel good, darling. Go on.”

George responds immediately with the shaky movement of his hips, and a relieved moan, goosebumps rising.

There’s nothing between them now, George already stretched out and far gone, his only thoughts being of Matty and Matty and Matty and Matty. Who is Matty to deny him that pleasure? He’s in awe at how someone can be so beautiful, staring at George’s back like it’s the sun, and it might as well be, because he’s radiating heat like a fire, so desperate to be touched and to feel good that the only outlet is there. George moves his hips slowly at first, and he’s so overwhelmed he thinks he might come just from that, the friction from the sheets more than enough for him.

But he wants Matty.

Matty runs a cold finger down the length of his spine, reverent and appreciative, and George shivers, the motion pulling another quiet noise from him. It’s silent, bar their breathing, and the rustling of sheets, but Matty’s heart is beating so fast that he doesn’t even notice. George isn’t trying to speak, not trying to beg for anything, because he knows if he tries, all that’ll come out is something garbled and stupid, but he doesn’t care, because Matty isn’t making him do any of that today, he just touches and pleases and makes him feel like he’s in heaven.

It isn’t long before Matty’s leaning down over him, letting himself press against George from behind, and whispering things down his neck.

“You want me to make you come? Want me to fuck you, darling?” And George might just cry. He does want it, but he just cannot form the words. Matty doesn’t make him, but when he doesn’t make any move to get off and start properly touching George, George knows that he won’t do anything until he does. He usually forces George to speak when they do it like this, makes him blush and whine and George lets him and loves it, but this time, he’s letting George do things in his own time, pressure all gone, (except in his groin.)

He’s got his hands on George’s waist, now leaning back just to admire him, and George can’t wait any longer. He tries to speak, just the word please, but it doesn’t come out right, and he’s just so desperate that he can’t think to correct himself.

“Just let me look at you a bit, you’re so gorgeous.” Matty doesn’t sound like he’s aware of the fact he exists anymore, so wrapped up in how beautiful George is that time and space no longer accept him as a being, he is simply a conscience left to its own devices, floating around and latching onto this angelic figure beneath where he should be. “Pretty,” he breathes, “So pretty,” again. He’s still drawing lines on George with his nails, like he’s tracing the muscles and all the marks made over the years.

George tries to keep his breathing steady, content with where he is but simultaneously needing more like he needs air, like it’s his only source of life, and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He doesn’t mind, really, he’s just happy to be touched, because every contact with Matty feels better than anything he’s ever taken, and he can’t imagine feeling any better than this. There’s static in his head, only just about covering the words he needs to make Matty do anything, and he wishes it wasn’t there, but he loves it so, so much.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” Matty whispers eventually, after years and seconds and days and hours and George can’t reply. He wants it more than anything, but he’s so focussed on trying to figure out how to express that, that he can’t do it. A nod is all he can muster up, but he knows that Matty won’t let him just do that, he needs words, proper, full words. Then, there it is, “I need you to tell me, sweet. Words.”

He’s moved further down George’s body by now, and George didn’t even realise it was happening, but he’s pressing kisses to the dimples at the base of George’s spine, so he can’t complain. Not one bit.

Then, he moves drastically lower, kisses the very top of the line between his legs, just where the fat of his [ass] starts to rise, where his thighs turn from muscle to something soft, and he just leaves his face there for a while. He’s got his chin pressed into the middle of George’s thighs, and his hands still all over his back. That makes him speak.

“Please,” he manages, and Matty seems shocked at it.

“‘Please’ what? Need you to use words.”

George can’t, and he almost feels like crying, so desperate it’s making him shake, but he tries again.

All he can do is say, “You,” like a prayer, again, again, and Matty breathes something shaky in return. But he still doesn’t make any effort to move, just strokes the back of one of George’s arms. “Please, Matty.” It feels like they’re the only words he knows, now, really.

“Just need you to tell me what you want. I’ll do it, just tell me.”

Matty was always careful not to push boundaries and to be extra nice when George got like this, he wouldn’t push anyway, but he treats George like an ornament when he’s like this. George loves it. He likes being told he’s beautiful and being allowed to not think and just feel and feel and feel. It’s nice. It’s the best.

“You. Matty. Please.” Maybe they are the only words he knows, and he doesn’t care – they’re the only words that are important.

If Matty couldn’t understand it from that, he doesn’t know what he could’ve, but, that’s a useless thought, because he’s nodding against George, whispering “Okay.”

“Tell me if you want me to do anything else. Anything you want, sweet. Do anything. Squeeze my hand if you want me to stop.”

George nods.

He has to wait a while, Matty making sure he won't hurt George if he goes too fast, slicking himself up, but then Matty pushes into him gently, gripping George’s hand tightly to keep himself under control, and all of a sudden, it’s all worth it. He’s glad Matty doesn’t have a clear view of his face, then, because he’s bright red, sweating, and he just knows he looks an absolute state. But none of that matters at the moment, because Matty is inside him, and still, and he feels so good, so good, so, so, so, so, so good.

If he thought he couldn’t speak before, that was nothing. He can’t even see, completely taken by the feeling of Matty inside him and touching his back and touching his hair and touching him and touching. Matty is the embodiment of pleasure.

“Feels so good, darling,” Matty breathes, and he must’ve leant down, because George can feel his breath on the back of his neck. He blushes at the praise.

He can’t breathe properly with the pillows covering his face, but he doesn’t have the energy to move, and even the littlest of movements make him completely lose coherency, because Matty’s pressed right up against that spot, and he can’t take it.

Matty thrusts after a while, holding George’s hand and making sure he’s okay every few seconds, but when he does, George sees stars. He’s clearly holding back, because he keeps twitching inside George, and George only wishes he could speak more so he could tell Matty to do what he needs, to take as much as he wants, but, alas, he can’t, and he just settles on letting Matty do what he’s doing now.

The feel of Matty inside him is something he‘ll never get used to, it’s all consuming, feels like he’s turning into a star and becoming something otherworldly and living and dying all at the same time. He can’t word how amazing it is, like knowing he’s safe and letting Matty do whatever he needs, because he knows it’ll be good, and he trusts him.

He, eventually, does start to move properly, but only after multiple weak noises from George, desperate and pleading for anything. Matty grabs his hips, suddenly energised and no longer having the patience to be as gentle as he was, and George loves it. He’ll take whatever Matty gives with an open mouth and a chest left wide open, ribs all snapped to get inside, and this is like a knife made of solid pleasure, because there’s that tiny bit of pain, but it’s covered up by the heat that rushes all down his limbs, right down to his fingers, every single time Matty hits that spot inside him, and then everything is all okay.

Soon enough, Matty’s got his nails in the soft, weak skin of the space just below George’s v-line, digging into the flesh and wanting to claw him apart simply because it’s the only possible way to express how intense everything he’s feeling is. George lets the pain bloom and he whimpers into the bed.

“You okay?” Matty asks, and he nods, enthusiastic and truthful and just wanting more.

That’s all he needs, and he seems to lose some amount of his self control, because he starts fucking into George harder, one hand going back to his waist to keep steady, and the other going to his hair. He doesn’t pull just yet, but George wouldn’t complain if he did, taken by the pleasure. Matty’s nails are pressing slightly, and he welcomes the sting.

The sweet, soft, gentle Matty is almost fully gone now, and he’s changed back into something like what he usually is in just a few minutes, and it’s making George sick with want. He’s tightening his grip on George’s hair more and more by the minute, and by now, it’s starting to sting.

George doesn’t think anything’s going to change after that, just thinks Matty’s going to make him come like this, and he has no reason to think anything else. That is, until Matty yanks George’s head towards himself by the hair, and George can’t help the moan he lets out. It’s loud and undignified, but Matty likes it all the same, apparently, because he holds tighter, and keeps his head there for a second. George thinks he might come just from that, the feel of Matty in his hair, tugging.

Heat ripples from his scalp, and it’s not helped by Matty starting to speak. “Fucking back, so beautiful. Perfect. It’s so pretty, fuck.” He keeps speaking until he finally unthreads his fingers from George’s hair, but George can still feel the ghost of his palm. He fixes his grip properly onto his hips and waist instead.

He’s definitely digging his nails into that pale flesh, and it wouldn’t shock George if, when he moves, there’s skin left beneath them. He’s being gentler than normal, which George is grateful for, because he knows that if Matty did anything that was any more intense than pulling his hair, he’d be coming within a minute of him sinking inside.

He can feel heat building in his stomach, and, all of a sudden, he’s overly aware of the sheets rubbing against himself, hard against them, and he whimpers, eyes squeezing. Matty’s starting to stroke his hair, and ramble.

“You feel so fucking good, Jesus Christ. Fuck, George.” He’s digging his thumb into a space near one of the dimples on George’s back now, almost like he wants it to bruise so he’s got proof of it, like the proof isn’t George’s very existence.

George gets closer a lot sooner than he’d like to, but he just can’t help it, because Matty is telling him how good he feels and how well he’s doing over and over again, and there’s so much happening, like the feel of Matty hitting just where he needs every time and the feel of himself against fabric and the image of what he must look like in his head. It’s all too much. Almost.

He doesn’t realise he’s crying until Matty slows down, taps him, asks if he’s okay, and he just nods, nods like it’s keeping him alive, manages to turn his head enough to the side to say “Please, please, Matty, please,” and then his eyes roll back.

He’s so close, whining and whimpering nonsense and trying to form words to warn Matty, failing, but not caring, because he’s blinded by how good it feels, and Matty isn’t letting up, in fact, he’s fucking him harder, pulling George’s hips into his own with every thrust, determined to make him come.

It doesn’t take long before he’s right on the edge, just needing a tiny bit more, and then Matty fists a hand into his hair once more, and he’s gone. The combination of Matty fucking him so good, with the sharp pain on his scalp, is better than anything he could’ve imagined, and he cries out as he comes, over and over, moaning into the pillows and clenching his fists, begging with completely incoherent noises. Matty keeps moving for a bit, and George doesn’t have the mind to protest, nor does he want to, he’d rather lie in the afterglow and be only half aware of how overstimulated he’s becoming.

He doesn’t really notice when Matty comes, and he doesn’t notice virtually anything else for a while after, either, just lets himself be moved around as Matty tries his best to clean him, trying to manoeuvre him into some position easier to clean from, and not doing very well, because…well, the size of George.

sorry ending Shit possibly all shit but whatever i wrote most of it. enjoy life

[jgracie]

OMG JUST SAW THAT YOU FINISHED BOO

okok here are my thoughts

ew caleo

jason is such a hopeless romantic like when he was imagining his future with piper and then when he pulled her up to the top of the zeus cabin to recreate their first kiss

leo leo leo

leo some more

LEO 👹

nico and reyna and jason would make the ultimate friend group

”hazel and frank didn’t protest. leo had wished they had” OR WHATEVER THAT LINE IS LIKE POOKIE THATS SO DEPRESSING???

the fight with gaea was way too short but the build up made up for it

that scene when piper was like oh no we’re screwed and then jason comes in with like lightning going through his chest or wtv and he’s like saying something all cool 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

them fighting with their parents was amazing my fav was hephestus and aphrodite

the ending scene is so sad (the book actually ends with piper and jason thinking about leo not caleo 😍🥰)

also there was this scene in the lost hero where leo was like i am so scared of being remembered as like the funny friend and like all of my frineds are cool heroes and i’m just leo the tofu taco chef

yeah uhm

that’s exactly how jason and piper remembered him…

CALEOOOOOO OMFG THE LAST CHAPTER WHEN HE CAME BACK TO HER GAVE ME MAJOR MIXED FEELINGS... i always have mixed feelings when it comes to them cz like leo in love is so cute and sweet and then i remember hes thinking ab calypso 😭 like wowww wdym u aren't thinking of my mutual pinkdiorluvr 😭 i just tune it out atp LMAO

YESSSS I WAS SO HAPPY READING BOTH OF THOSE SCENES BECAUSE IVE BEEN PUSHING THE HOPELESS ROMANTIC JASON AGENDA!!!!!! AND THEY AFFIRMED IT!!!!!!!! i feel like because we didnt see jason pre memory loss we forget this man isnt all stoic and serious ALL of the time like the books say he joined the fifth cohort on purpose to make it better and was lowk a troublemaker or wtv it was in camp jupiter?? i forgot the exact wording but LIKEEEE HE IS MORE THAN SERIOUS AND BLUNT! (hes those 2 as well ofc but ykwim)

I LOVED NICO AND REYNA AND NICO AND JASONS INTERACTIONS SM SO I STAND BY THIS TRIO esp the nico reyna interactions they were so sweet tgt literally made me wanna cry i love them both SO much omg.... nico reyna jason trio def do the mama y papa tiktok trend thing LMAO (jeyna truthers rise)

i read that line n wondered if that affirmed to leo exactly how unloveable he is despite the fact that he chose to ask those two for the reason that its in their blood to put duty above all.... leo u r ur number 1 saboteur ur number 1 hater i pray u heal

ANF ONG I WAS SO CONFUSED AT HOW IT ENDED SO QUICKLY was a little disappointed but i never enjoyed fight scenes anw cz i struggle w visualising them so overall didnt rly mind... im much more of a character development girlie like tell me all their inner thoughts pls

THAT WAS SO HOT OF JASON i llove like the 5 times overall rick let him fight without passing out before the action even starts 🙏🏼 free my man jason grace from the shackles of fainting

I LOVED THAT PART SO MUCH ESP APHRODITE CHEERING PIPER ON IT WAS SOOOO CUTE OMFGGG 😭

oh yes ofc it was rly sad i cant believe leo died fr there def wasnt a leo chapter in my copy at the end where he comes back to life and goes back to ogygia ... it acc just ends w jason and piper thinking ab leo idk what these other versions have as the last chapter

STOP I DID NOT REALISE THIS I WILL BE THINKING AB IT FOR THE REST OF TODAY NOW WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKK

[akiology]

SOULMATES AU W/ AKECHI DHWKBH,LDKH3LCKWHQ,3J

author-chan~ please give me some hc of akechi in soulmates au

or you can post this and have one of ur anons give some cute ideas to send u

>////< pretty plsss

HMMMMMMM i am going to make this as a part of my ramblings series, since this is more of an open discussion or sumn . .therefore theres no structure to this whole post and i apologize </3 but if you want me to make an official headcanons version of this, feel free to send another ask!

NOW FIRST LETS TALK ABOUT HOW THE SOULMATES ARE CONNECTED... i've seen alot of versions of the soulmates trope such as: having a tattoo of the first thing your soulmate says to you, red string trope, seeing colors trope, dreams trope...

personally . . my absolute favorite is the colors one . . . SO I WILL GO WITH THAT FOR MY IDEA

okok but what if. . . WHAT IF . .. the soulmates also passes on to the personas . . . like as i have mentioned before loki has a wife named sigyn.. . . WELL robin hood has a lover named marian so . . . ASDASDASD i am not suggesting s/o to be a wildcard (or to be strictly female, we have characters like brown from p1 having a persona of the opposite gender, and p3 femc having a genderbent orpheus), but im just saying both of akechi's personas technically have a partner so .. . just an interesting thought ehehehehehe

I would like to believe that Goro was a cheerful child, and I feel like he was very excited to see his soulmate. But as life goes on, his view on soulmates altogether soured. Goro has seen how his mother's soulmate treated her, and his scum-of-the-earth father would gladly discard his soulmate just for power, so Goro sees soulmates as a weakness more than anything. He wishes his world to be forever grayscale.

However, as he continues mingling with the leader of the Phantom Thieves, he eventually met everyone else, including you. The first time, it was a speck of color. If he was not paying attention he would have missed it. But he swears he started seeing the color of his coffee for a few seconds, and when he blinked it was gone again. Back to his monochrome world.

And he swears for the first time, he became afraid.

I feel like Goro would put up walls around you, and a door, and some locks, and a gate, and an electric fence. Basically he is just very secretive and evasive when it comes to you. If ever there was a moment where the both of you were left alone, he would quickly shut down any ideas of you starting a conversation. Every time it happens, you were disappointed. Every time he does it, he feels his heart break a little.

When he sees your Persona for the first time... He feels a lot of things. Guilt, anger, sadness... Guilt because you were stuck with him, anger because it felt like the world was making fun of him, and sadness because... he fears he will let you down, or end up like his father sent from hell. Of course, if you gave him a chance, Goro would do his absolutely best. But he feels like his family line is a big jinx, so he decides that for your happiness he will not pursue you.

But you just had to be persistent, huh?

And slowly, the world started becoming colorful. It was like your warmth was seeping through the cracks of his barely-working heart, and he shouldn't want this, but he does. He wants to one day be able to wake up, and the first he sees is your bright smile. He wants to leave work, and you'll stop him on his way out because he forgot his lunch. He wants to go home and hear you greeting him as he puts away his shoes. He wants the late-night talks, the long walks on the park, the cuddle sessions on the couch, the play dates, the jazz dates....

But when has Goro Akechi ever gotten what he wanted?

[babumakeanart]

6 hours of playtime of Hades II -thoughts so far

This post will contain spoilers so those who want to avoid seeing them please don't read anything under the cut. Also, take these are my first 6 hours only, my options might change, develop etc. Don't take anything too deeply as this is my brainrot i need to get out because I am just amazed by this game!

First - Melinoë and the story: 

Melinoë is the most badass sweetheart and she is very pleasant protagonist to follow and learn things in her footsteps, like Zagreus's dynamic to another character she can be respectful but can bite back when her line is past which I really like and it is fun to watch and person is hype for another interaction with NPCs and the environment. 

So far the story is ‘simple’ and I am putting it like that because so far we have a clear goal but you can sense there is something deeper going on and is really interesting to explore. So far I got into the third level, already forgot the name of that but it’s the Mourning Plains or so and boy, that place gave me the creeps the first time I got there and THE BOSS!! oh boy :’DDDDD 

Gathering items:

This is what I kind of find refreshing in one way, that I can gather ingredients much faster than it was in Hades I. Maybe it is just me but gathering the crystals in Hades I is tedious and I still need to buy so much furniture for the house. So far I like the variations you can get and use things for. The gardening is very nice and I think I saw Odysseus checking the garden at one point?? very cute. 

And taking different tools for the run so far doesn't feel like bother to do so and if you unlock forget me not you can actually see what tool you need for recipes. So unlocked stuff is very helpful to you. 

Fighting: 

Of course, the fight style is very different than Zagreus had. Zag feels more like go and smash and be fast, while Mel feels more strategy fight. Not that is slow is still a nice hack and slash, and the difference is very nice to see between siblings! So far I unlock all the weapons and my fav is the axe :DD and the flame weapon is so funny when you are running with them XD 

Nemesis:

I do not really know all the lores about all the characters that are being in the second game as well some in the first game but I love how the game is built on Nemesis' interaction with your runs. How she sometimes (so far I have met her like four times or so in my runs) challenges you who have the most kills, clears the room before you even have a chance to stop and she blocks one doors so you have to choose the other door!! also she buy items in charon shop?? it feels so alive?? and I love it so so much!

Hermes and Artemis:

AAAAAAAAAAA seeing these two actually being there with you is so cool! love it 

Clothes: It's such a tiny detail but when you get different fabrics your clothes change color and is so adorable TTATT ofc my fav is lavender

Cats, dOGS SO MANY ANIMALS:

TTATT do i need to say more??? 

CHAOS: okok when I seen the door to the dimension where Chaos is I sprint there without any thinking but seeing the SPRITE??? hello?? IS THAT MEG?? what does that mean, what is happening why does Chaos look like Meg? What happened to the underground?? This was a point in the game where I really stopped and my brain did this: 

Didn't make a screenshot because I was just stunned but wow

Anyway if anyone want to scream with me please you are very welcome to because I am crying about this game!!! Excuse my bad English I just had to get my thoughts on the paper otherwise I would do no work haha 

Love to hear all the theories!

[mysticbewitched]

MYSTIC AAAA OKOK I've been thinking of sharing this success story online but I feel like a lot of your audience need a serious self concept / confidence boosts and proof that mindset really is the goddamn KEY so here it is :))

this was YEARS ago, I was a teeny tiny middle schooler stopping by 7/11 on my way home from school. I grabbed my snickers bar and waited in line. in front of me was this reallyy cool and cute highschool guy. for some quick context: where I'm from, you can use your bus card to buy shit at certain places like 7/11.

I wanted his attention, to seem cool in front of him, you know? so like out of the blue I started scenario daydreaming. "what if the card machine (the one that lets you use your bus card to pay for shit) isn't working today? and the boy wouldn't have any actual money to pay for the thing he's got?" i have money "what if, in Cute Guy's time of need, I give him the money I was going to use for my beloved snickers bar?" middle school brain man she was so boy crazy. ANYWAYS I then think to myself "what's a cool way to ask someone if they need money?" because of course. immediately I start brainstorming on "cool" ways to ask if he needs money. I start panicking and thinking stuff like, "quick you have to think of something to say!!"

and guess what? seconds after that, when it was his turn in line, that exact scenario happened. the machine wasn't working, the boy didn't have money, I was all, "hey, you need cash?" and lmao yes that was what I came up with. I had hit maximum cool girl energy as I'd hoped, I gave the boy my candy money so he could pay for his bubblegum or whatever the fuck and I STRUTTED OUTTA THERE LETS GOO

now let me tell you, I did not fuckin know what manifesting even was. I literally thought I had had a VISION 😭 but looking back jt was so clear. I embodied the mindset immediately, I didn't think something like "ohh this isnt actually going to happennn" NO I submerged myself completely and anticipated it was already true, that it was just about to happen, that it was inevitable. and it manifested in seconds.

so bitches, embody the mindset, trust yourself, don't even acknowledge the "possibility" (because there is no possibility) of your desire not manifesting.

love you mystic!!

Little Bear, you are starting to become one of my favorite followers.

You are absolutely awesome as hell, my friend.

Thank you so much for sharing this with me, and reading this just blew me away. Wow, this was wild. Your reaction to this event going down must have been funny as hell back then. I'm sure you felt like you were in the twilight zone at this point.

Isn't it best the damn thing ever to be the operant power of your own reality? It is absolutely priceless and simply amazing.

It's such a beautiful thing to truly wake up from the dream and realize your power and the complete control you have over your entire reality. With all of that said, I'm so incredibly glad to hear that you realized the mindset truly is the key to easy and effortless manifestation success.

This is what I have been preaching about since day one, guys. I know exactly what I'm talking about here. I share my knowledge from deeply studying the law of consciousness for two years, being involved with witchcraft for five years, and looking back on my past successes with conscious manifestation.

It was *always* about the state of the mindset.

You just need to change your mindset to the mind of a confident manifestor, and all the struggles with your manifestations simply disappear. It's truly that easy.

Your self-doubting mindset is the only thing standing between you and your manifestations. Why are you doubting yourself? You are the creator.

This is all about faith in yourself.

Love you too and I send so much love to you. 🖤

[narwhalandchill]

okok so ya know that post i mentioned i was writing on some of the harbinger related leaks that cropped up recently and then mobile fucked me over by publishing the post early by gaslighting me with a "post" button that Clearly read "save" (draft) so i deleted it but managed to rescue the text that was there and promised to finish it and post it later and then its been 12 years anyway? yeah right 😭 Oh well.

BUT. finally. might as well do the thing now in honor of childes bday at the very least KJWJKWDJK. sorry it took this long lmao

jsyk these leaks predate our current natlan beta datamines and some of the questionable story leaks floating around so like, natlan plot wise they dont have shit to do w em there & not bringing up any that ive seen. but ya

(so . attempt 2: recent lazzo VA character direction leaks for the harbingers mostly in relation to childes role in the overall plot. bit ranty and gets Long but idek what yall expected. + ig just potential long term plot implications from these leaks given its the harbingers beware)

aka: mostly concerning the faction stuff + pulcinellas directions for now . if u havent seen em uhhhh

basically tldr: according to (and assuming its not outdated) some information accessed by leakers recently originally provided for the VAs applying to voice the harbingers in lazzo, the group is allegedly split between two factions of "conservatives" and "radicals" . like thats the first thing

now as to what those labels rly mean ppl were overall speculating that it might be sth along the lines of. conservatives as the tsaritsa loyalists who stand united and for the organization and her majestys goals above all (OR alternatively just like. a more cautious take on How to approach the toppling celestia deal) VS those whose true ambitions, loyalty and methods they are willing to turn to are more of a wild card situation . and their allegiances are equally volatile in turn . & i will say imo the radicals are also most likely much less of an united group compared to the conservatives given uhhhhhhh. well you will see

so conservatives are: capitano, columbina, pulcinella, sandrone

radicals are: dottore, arle (see the "radicals might not like each other that much"), pantalone

pierro is neutral, childe is unknown/undecided according to the leaks HOWEVER. his positioning next to the radicals in the shot of lazzo with the harbingers standing around signoras coffin split along those same faction lines found in the leaks may indeed suggest something Interesting regarding his penultimate choice . if it Indeed is intended to be meaningful that he as an "unknown" just happened to take That side of the coffin alongside the 3 confirmed radicals according to this info . like how Curious

And i just. okay okay i have to be Honest theres like. SUCH a toxic childish taking-fandom-grievances-too-seriously part to me eyeing the possibility of ajax turning out to be a radical thats just like. dawei lets this happen and i WILL be the WORLDS most obnoxious fucking bitch about it bc . Listen

i. Have. ALWAYS. thought it obvious as FUCK . that a guy whose ambition WILL NOT stop until it is the very WORLD that lies defeated at his feet. will NEVER be satiated by what the fatui can offer him . like if he really is a radical. i can CONFIDENTLY state that i saw that shit coming in TWENTY FUCKING TWENTY and that Every single doubter owes me So much fucking money 💀💀💀💀💀💀 jkjk but. Duuuude. ever since this faction stuff dropped.... i cant stop thinking abt it

like i just. cannot stand the way its been turned into this . INDOMITABLE 100% factual absolute Truth that CANNOT be challenged. in the fandom. that childe is a tsaritsa fanboy loyalist devout worshipper who couldnt even fuckimg FATHOM leaving his allegiance to her behind . when its been . SPELLED OUT to yall in his fucking profile SINCE 1.1 .

bc like. Listen up. Repeat after me. ik its scary and new after 4 years of Exclusively hearing takes where like childe would rather spontaneously combust to the beat of snezhnayas national anthem while begging for repentance than ever stop taking orders from uhhhh a god. Who he definitely worships devoutly as a god despite 0 evidence on any religious piety on his part Trust (like. ive. Always thought his voiceline for her has been the opposite? its very much. Not how youd speak of divinity. his regard for her is Personal and relates to the tsaritsa as an individual, not a god inherently deserving of worship)

like ik this is a big thing and scary but just. Say the words with me here. It only stings once .deep breaths. okay 1 2 3

"But becoming Tartaglia was far from his end goal. To someone who sought to conquer the world, this was but a tiny step in his journey."

YUP.

BECOMING TARTAGLIA. BECOMING A HARBINGER. SWEARING AN OATH OF LOYALTY TO THE TSARITSA. A TINY. STEP. A TINY FUCKING STEP. AND HES BEEN AWARE OF IT BEING LIKE THIS THE ENTIRE TIME.

THIS HAS BEEN TEXT FOUND IN GAME THERE FOR NEARLY FOUR FUCKING YEARS NOW . AND PPL STILL THINK AJAX ISNT CAPABLE OF SURPASSING AND ABANDONING THE TSARITSA THE SECOND THE BENEFITS THEY OFFER HIM FALL SHORT OF THE EXPONENTIAL GROWTH OF HIS POWER AND AMBITION AND WHAT IT TAKES TO SATIATE HIM .

like im SORRY contrary to maybe popular belief and despite my persistent frustrations w this fandoms approach to ajax sometimes i Do in fact feel actively mean and unreasonably harsh calling 97% of childe "fans" functionally illiterate or at the very least intentionally obtuse to the point its beyond fucking parody in how ridiculous it gets but like. if THIS isnt what a complete and utter failure of basic reading comprehension is I DONT KNOW WHAT IS . like. DUDE 😭😭😭😭😭😭 what IS IT with these people its like genuinely fucking incomprehensible to me how CRITICAL shit about his character like this goes COMPLETELY ignored as if it hasnt been established since Day fucking one its unreal . Unreal 💀

and like. i get bitchy and snappy abt it i know its not the best look always but man its sth thats genuinely upsetting to me too bc . THIS is the fucking dude thats possessed me for the last 4 years THIS is what i love about him his potential to surpass Every Single Boundary that he has begun his journey confided within. that he will transcend it all and surpass his own limits with sheer fucking willpower over and over again until even the few he truly idolized and respected like the tsaritsa and capitano are suddenly so distant and irrelevant compared to the heights He has reached out for in his hunger....... its so peak like THIS is whats had me in a death grip for all this time

and like. for THAT guy that mr childe ajax tartaglia the REAL thing to barely even. Exist. in the minds of such a majority of the fandom its just fucking crushing sometimes. like i wanna appreciate all this abt him man i wanna share all my brainrot abt him and how this dude consumes my every waking thought but then borderline every single comment i see and popular take on him is just oh my pookie wookie babie girl would Never be able to betray tsaritsa ever etc etc etc and just.... Sigh

anyway overshare over sorry for that. yeah my ADHD makes me irrationally attached to my hyperfixations its kinda cringe .

do catch me kissing this man on the mouth Immediately the second his ambition surpasses the fatui and he goes beast mode fr fr on Everyone tho 🥰🥰 dyke license lost forever but itll be worth it

also real talk im like fairly convinced at least like 78% of the omgggg hes forever loyal to the tsaritsa gang are mostly like stuck in this mindset of like. omgggg hed Never Betray Her bc he doesnt like those who break promises uwu and its like. since when did the possibility of ajax outgrowing the stage where the fatui offer him anything worthwhile automatically equate to him betraying her wholesale and completely dropping any and all respect he had for her or sth. like yeah i do agree to an extent that it could end up p uncharacteristic (at least w/o proper plot setup or reasoning) for him to pull off like a complete disney twist villain backstab out of nowhere there but??? thats not rly whats going to automatically happen either???

(nvm that like a considerable portion of these same ppl were prolly writing "omgg ajax my poor victim MUST betray the evil tsaritsa" fics in 1.1 when everyone had the idea in their heads that he hates his job and is only doing it bc his family is held hostage and is also 17 bc of certified english localization moment. but i digress this is just unreasonably petty and im being a loser by not letting this shit go 2 this day💀💀)

bc like. if you ask me. the Interesting thing abt ajax and the possibility of being a radical IS that if hes going to refuse to follow an order or step out of line to follow his own path however it goes. its Not going to be personal. its not gonna be this big dramatic edgelord turncoat villainous moment to him. itll be straightforward. matter of fact. easy as breathing. because if he has moved past each and every benefit the fatui can even fathom offering him. its only natural that he progresses beyond them. thats just how his unquenchable ambition Works. how his black hole of a never-ending desire to devour and crush all in his path operates. its not personal. its not something you can change. its inevitable. he is a force of nature when it comes to the drive burning at the core of his soul.

like i Really dont think hes ever going to backstab the tsaritsa in some dirty play fashion??? if anything its only fitting that hes going to look her In the eye and go. oh my bad. i dont think our agreement serving a mutual benefit really holds ground anymore. apologies. like ofc its going to be something he handles while staying true to the person hes been all this time. kind of a bad guy and perfectly willing to own up to it. selfish and arrogant and with his sights set steadfast on a goal No one will get him to sway from.

and then he elopes with the narwh-------------- yes kill me

basically i just. dont get this whole perceived and persistent incompatibility between the idea of. ajax being a radical (whatever that ends up meaning in the story. IF these lazzo materials remain accurate) yet remaing the same guy we know and love. like guys. ARLE. is a radical. and has all but directly confessed to considering the survival of the house her greatest priority over any loyalty to the fatui and her majesty. yet she STILL regards her with respect and continues to fulfill her duties as a harbinger as expected for the time being. despite her full awareness of this loyalty being on shakier ground and surely making contingencies on the side for the future for When she sees it is time for her organization to sever the ties to the tsaritsa.

like Thats what i mean when i say its always been completely reasonable and even predictable to me that ajax would outgrow the fatui and how that has jack shit to do with his character suddenly doing some wild 180 in order to do so. and why this potentially significant visual alignment he has with the radicals in lazzo isnt surprising at all. bc if it doesnt fundamentally change who arle is (and doesnt make her a dottore fan) that she is ultimately someone whose loyalty to the organization comes second to her house. why would childe be any different lmao.

but like yes if he turns out to be a radical i will be soooooo obnoxious over it jkwjkawdjkwajkwdakjwdjkwdjkdwjk bc like im NOT lying this has been one of the Clearest trajectories ive expected from his arc All This Time . no matter which form it might eventually take in terms of. is it him and His growth initiating the split. or is it a betrayal from or a loss of faith in the tsaritsa herself that kickstarts it. if its canon? yeah i Saw that shit coming and you should all be scared of who ill become if dawei proves me right Again ill be the Worst

Phew that sure went way overboard but yes radical ajax advocacy group in here 100% . and overall even tho i mostly care abt him i Do think this faction split is inherently v fucking interesting and ajax being unknown is just. i wonder if itll end up being significant at some critical moment that his faction leanings are unknown slash undefined at the moment............... where the scales are about to tip and its by his hand that some key moment gets its turning point......... hmmmmmmm

(also its just. before these leaks we got "columbina is conservative" as an out of context statement Before the faction stuff and its still so fucking funny bc ppl were just like. wow i cant believe shes homophobic)

now. pulcinella time

so among the VA direction cards that leaked was his. and like if u didnt see them urself (not gonna post any here. hoyo lawyers love striking Any hoyo copyrighted media in all posts that have leaks in em even if its not an actual leak which this is lol) the setup is basically. theres a few overall notes on each of the harbingers like age, demeanor, characterization and then 3 sample lines of dialogue as well as notes further elaborating when & why this is being said and with what sort of vibe.

and his are. Well. you know how i started this post out being like on god dawei if you go and fatten my ego any further by Specifically vindicating me myself and i & the kinda things id prefer in genshins story and childes role going forward . Personally????

Anyway funny thing as it happens. IF (and admittedly thats a major if.) this VA direction doc from pulcinella holds up. and there isnt like a hidden scheming menacing side to him that wasnt brought up in the lazzo files. in that case . it sure is looking like pulcinella is just. a bit over the top in public but privately genuinely an overworked well-meaning pragmatic guy who deeply cares for and is truly protective of those important to him. INCLUDING. yes you know who and his family. NOTHING in the doc whatsoever implying anything sinister to it. nor wrt pulcinellas character overall.

and i just. nothing personal to scara fans yall are cool and ur guy is too i just simply. Cannot. guys can you IMAGINE being so much of an edgelord cynical embarrassment puppetfailure that ur own mommy issues make you physically incapable of Not assuming the worst of pulcinella caring for childes family leading to YEARS of ppl being CONVINCED hes gonna be this major fucking villain for ajax in the snezhnaya arc i . LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

(my scara liker indulgence Ends the second hat guy speaks shit abt My man if you havent noticed. yeah WHO called who naive and stupid???)

like. if the Plot twist in the snezhnaya arc is setting pulcinella up to be this ominous figure that has ulterior motives w childes family and him overall????? only for him to be just. genuinely well-intentioned. oh my fucking god PLEASE let it happen PLEASE bc the entire concept of that whole plotline existing without said plot twist is just soooooo bland and fucking boring to me lol subverting it is just chef kiss

& sure this leak is. very limited in scope it doesnt automatically eliminate pulcinella manipulating childe and/or limiting what information he gets and all. and i genuinely have made my peace with the probable existence of this plot thread w arles SQ already before this whole thing happened but MAN ill be SO fucking happy if this means they might abandon/subvert it altogether like. let him just have a nice supportive mentor figure in his life in the fatui man 😭😭😭

pulcinella if u really just are a nice person ultimately. you TRULY are my goat o777 saving my man from bland family-is-hostage-waa storylines i have Such respect

anyway u could say its not possible for pulcinella to be like. fully a good guy since arles SQ already showcased him being unreliable w information regarding arle but honestly. i kinda disagree. bc like Especially with the faction thing in mind its not unreasonable at all in my eyes that given the Facts of what peruere did. that pulcinella despite not being this scheming schemer brainwashing ajax or whatever. would Genuinely hold a very negative opinion of arlecchino. and convey that to childe. bc like. pulcinella as stated above is in the conservative side of the harbingers. and arlecchino to the outside eyes rly did like. murder a harbinger and her own "mother" and siblings of the house. like do we even know that the harbingers are Aware of how crucabena ran her hunger games death tournament situation to begin with? and Why peruere killed her????

like. if we assume pulcinella doesnt know those things. and that crucabena in all likelihood was if nothing else then presumably a harbinger that was very loyal to the tsaritsa and very consistent. then from that position. of COURSE. youd consider arle a complete downgrade in terms of reliability . she IS a wild card she IS not someone a careful politician like pulcinella would regard highly At All. So like. i dont think when he gives childe the impression that arle is batshit insane and tells him of her (VERY REAL) murderous deeds. i dont think that would automatically equate to pulcinella Knowingly lying and misleading ajax . bc it seems fairly reasonable that pulcinella just genuinely thinks that lowly of her and thus would OBVIOUSLY want his protege not to involve himself with such people.

bc like thats the other thing. its not just arle. in pulcinellas VA notes and the line he has on ajax there. its very clear that he is actively trying to keep him away and shield him from ALL the harbingers . as he still has to mature and grow into someone who will have a chance at gaining their respect proper on his own. so like. if pulcinella thinks its best for ajax to remain away EVEN from the harbingers he himself considers GOOD to NEUTRAL influences and reliable colleagues. of COURSE hed make Extra sure that ajax is staying away from the knave whom pulcinella Actively considers a shitty fit for the job and an unreliable flight risk of a harbinger 💀💀💀💀

(nvm the way arle actively BOTH confirms pulcinellas distrust to be justified by saying the tsaritsa isnt a priority to her and the house is AND actively admits that he prefers other people believe misleading shit about her. so like fym pulcinella thinking the worst of her is surprising)

so like is pulcinellas pov of her at best Highly biased and lacking critical context on Why she merked so many of her sibs and crucabena??? and thus served as an inherently misleading insight on her character when he conveyed it to ajax??? absolutely. but i also dont think hes necessarily lying at all when it comes to perceiving arle in such a negative way so its less. oh i want ajax to remain in the dark forever so he is easy 2 manipulate. more just. thats his Opinion dude and ofc he wants his protege to follow in his stead and not get any poor influences from people like her. it still makes for interesting development & possible tension that childe Is questioning his views on things by making his own judgements about arle but. ya know. its not black and white.

but yeaaaa to be clear me vastly preferring the possibility of scara just being a cringelord unreliable narrator and this whole pulcinella-is-masterminding-dubious-things getting subverted & hes just a guy is just a personal thing lmao. this is pretty old material and far from all-encompassing in terms of Who hoyo wants pulcinellas character to be and all the layers he might hide. im just really 👁️👁️👁️ at the way this particular description of his character seems to be giving off vibes that they in fact Arent actually going all the way into the ulterior motives bad bad ajax watch out pulcinella and its just. listen theres way more interesting shit for ajax to be doing in the endgame plot than some generic plot like that!!!!!!!11! sorry!!!1 so id 1000% want it this way instead lmao

but we shall see where it goes. at the very least if this desc of pulcinella holds Any ground at all then it does disqualify the most extreme version of hes just basically evil manipulator mastermind so like. im already super happy with that lmao

but ya . sorry this took me forever to actually finish jwjkwdjkawjkwd these leaks r kinda old news by now rip .

[kaguya-muneuji]

Dtgtghtggtgjteeg hi um I give you both Aira and Hiiro

Struggled with the hair

Didn't feel like line art but it probably would've been faster

Anyways demigod Aira was in my head after seeing you talk about it

Aira gets winged shoes and Hiiro gets a hat that makes him invisible

(Am recalling Percy Jackson and Heroes of Olympus where Annabeth has that hat)

And like when Aira and Hiiro encounter some kinda monster, Hiiro puts the hat on Aira and the winged shoes sense danger so they immediately fly Aira away

And Hiiro is left alone to fight the monster (Aira wanted to stay but Hiiro insisted he could fight alone)

As for the shoes, they originally just have a heart but as Aira meets the rest of Alkaloid, he sews patches of the symbols that represent them onto the shoes

Ok that's all. Giving you all the strength to complete your art project hiiai woo

im so sorry this took so long to answer i was sleeping and then i. i had to doodle for this. i cant stop thinking about it now. anyway this is going under a cut im going to. ramble. a lot now.

i think when aira first gets his winged shoes he immediately trips over himself- im not sure how hed get it, maybe he found them while cleaning out his closet or smth? they wouldnt have the wings then but after a couple of days BAM theyd have wings. these shoes be blessed by hermes! (or a god of travel / wind from different mythologies. im going greek just to make it easier on myself ajskdfkj) and then aira trips as the shoes try to fly off LMAO

i also think that. each shoe has one wing to make a pair of wings when together, so hed have to wear both shoes to be able to get the hang of it. idk i just always thought that itd be more interesting to have the shoes kinda imbalanced? idk what im getting at here. help

as for this au i think they wont necessarily be born demigods but more along the lines of "the gods blessed them and now they have slight powers / they have magical items that allow them to do things" so !! (this makes it easier on myself again)

okok!! hiiro time!! yes, the classic invis hat from percy jackson and the olympians <3 i love that book series so much... gahh!!! anyway i love the idea of him having an invis hat (i could not think of anything else ok. i am unoriginal) and hoenstly? he would be able to take a fight with a monster (hes canonically rly strong and im pretty sure he. also is in the karate(?) club with tetora) i dont think he'd use it much? i dunno. hmm does this mean he has been blessed by athena?

(i am extending this to alkaloid now) mayoi... he definitely has an item blessed (cursed?) by hades or smth. and he keeps it near / on him at all times which is partly why hes. so strange all the time. he doesnt want the effects of the item (maybe an amulet or some other small thing that he held sentimental value to?) to affect others. the other part of him being strange is. just his canon reasons. this au is literally just adding magic items to canon lmao btu STILL

tatsumi... i am thinking a pocketwatch. but imnot sure what magical properties it might have... i do NOT want it to be time related because at first tatsumi would think "i could use this to turn back time and everything would be reset and i wouldnt do the things i now regret" type of thing but when he realizes that its. not that. angst :) thats the only reason its a pocketwatch! im trying rly hard to coem up with a deity that would "fit" him but. its so hard... maybe hestia? goddess of the hearth, tatsumi being able to make a comfortable home for anyone in himself (METAPHORICALLY. PLEASE TELL ME THIS MAKES ANY SENSE AT ALL.) anyway hestia blessing would be so tatsumayo. tatsumi using pocketwatch power to at first get closer to mayoi, then feeling bad that he did that so tatsumi isolates himself from mayoi, but mayoi, not knowing what tatsumi did, is confused (but also he was also trying to push him away bc. hades blessing/curse) and now is worried that oh no, i did actually push him away this is bad!!! but its ok they reconcile with the help of hiiai!

anyway thanks for listening to me ramble too much heres some doodles as a reward <3 (i did the mayoi and tatsumi part just now so no doodles for them)

[ginnsbaker]

hi there! can i just say i’m a big fan of your “if i bleed (you’ll be the last to know)” work!! i just want to take a long minute to gush about all the little details i hyperfixated on.

okok first i have!!! to talk about this title… my god… it.. hurts so good??? (assuming it was from cruel summer by taylor) i love this song so much and have read countless of fics with this same title but none hit the nail on the head quite like yours.. and now i’m listening to the song all over again and my thoughts are filled with how perfect this song and this fic fit together. before i realized you were quoting this song i had just imagined sometime late into spring but now i’m imagining summer and it somehow makes all the smaller moments more intimate to me…

second, i haven’t watched sorry for your loss yet… i’ve been meaning to!! …but i just really don’t do well with grief related shows even though i know it might help me to grow and move past it to learn and see how others cope… but anyway! i’ve gone into this blind pretty much, only knowing that yeah, leigh’s husband passes and there’s something she didn’t know… and i’m not a fan of cheaters and such but something about reading how… selfish.. these characters can be… flawed characters. it just makes it sweeter to read somehow. — especially that little part in part 6(?) where jules mentions how… difficult leigh can be at times since the whole thing.. like gahhhh my brain is like… gnawing and chewing on how… just real you make these characters!!! the emotions you portray through leigh as well!!! like…ahhh!!! i really don’t know what to say it just makes me tug on my hair in a good way… speechless is what you’ve made me! or! or!! oh my god!!! when the reader doesn’t want leigh to hurt any more than she already is and leigh just.. takes the pain and walks with it??? because she’s… stronger than this? because she’s bitter? feels like she has to get back at matt?? and ugh… idkidk really! (i got all that from the anger and the line “i can handle pain just fine.”) like… i’m just. i’m chewing on this like a piece of gum that i don’t wanna spit out. oh!!! and… when she’s mad at… the things that matter… the little things like. how intimate it is for matt to just be there… after that first date… also! i’m a hater!! i’m a lover of the haters (jules!!!) and a hater of the lovers!! meaning, danny!!! i love that you’ve made me hate his character. after seeing how selfish he really is with leigh and.. how much of a tough spot the reader is in…

ok this is getting too long, i apologize. i jus really loved the pacing of the story, the characterizations and everything else… i just love it a lot and i can’t stop thinking about it after every update… because of all the cliffhangers!! anyway. i hope you know your words are loved, author. thank you!!

(ps. my friend saw me typing these paragraphs out and called it a love letter… and this is exactly what it is. a love letter to you, dear author and to your lovely fic. thank you again for writing such a piece and i am absolutely sat waiting for the next part!!!)

Oh my gosh, reading your feedback got me all:

first of all, i want to thank you for this long and adorable message. it's always such an overwhelming and it reminds me one of the reasons why i love writing so much. thank you thank you!

re:title- yes it's from Cruel Summer :)

re: watching Sorry for your loss - honestly, it's not required for you to have seen the show, just that you know the gist of it (Leigh being a young widow). Nothing really goes on--it just paints the process of grief in ordinary life. So you really don't have to see it. Besides, I don't even follow its timeline and relationships to a T.

re: your thoughts on the story- i find myself nodding along the stuff you picked out from the last 6 chapters. Also, I am a hater too (lol), I'm just not very vocal about the things I hate because one of lizzie's character once said: "You think it's cool to hate things. And it's not. It's boring. Talk about what you love and keep quiet about what you don't." But I'm a huge hater. I think we all secretly are. I think hating Danny is easy in this fic, but I keep trying to find something in him that's relatable, something that just doesn't make him an antagonist. I think it's fair to think that he's also being used by Leigh, being treated unfairly by Leigh. I don't think I really hate Danny here as much as you guys do. I have done awful things when I was younger out of the selfishness of satisfying my own desires. But I'll talk about that some other time and if anyone will ask :P

thank you for your love letter, it means so much and I'm going to keep this in my blog and tag it for what it is. I hope you'll enjoy the rest of the series :)

[bellzsad]

okok so as some of you may know, i haven’t been able to watch the miraculous movie yet because i’m on vacation.

i know. don’t get mad. but as soon as i watch it, i am heading straight to tumblr to share my thoughts.

but so far, i’ve gotten a couple of spoilers. i’m not sure if all of these are real, but i’m pretty certain they are.

WARNING: (possible) spoilers ahead! also, please do not spoil anything in the comments or reblogs for me or anyone else!! the purpose of this post is for me to have something funny to look at afterwards.

here are the potential spoilers i have received:

- adrien basically rejects mari’s proposal to a dance or some shit

- ladybug rejects chat noir at some point? i saw a tiktok of how adrien starts with wearing his earbuds, closed off, but then becomes close with lb and stops wearing them. but when he got rejected he put them back on because he felt lonely again or something? idk.

- ladybug and chat noir play fight (so fucking cute btw)

- ladybug tells chat that she has to leave when he pins her on the wall and shit, after they were having a moment, but he’s like “don’t.” he STILL MOVES HIS ARM OUTTA THE WAY THOUGH SO SHE CAN GO like the gentleman he is bskfjwkcjek

- that one scene where sunshine boy adrien agreste is acting like the dork he is and talks to plagg about ladybug “totally digs him” but then it cuts to marinette saying something along the lines of “that puss in boots? {insert teasing insult}”

- something sad happens to chat in battle and he is like unconscious cause i remember everyone talking about how much it made them cry when ladybug said “don’t you dare touch him” or something

- there’s a reveal at some party (prob the one marinette asked adrien about before?) and adrienette share a kiss but the movie cuts off before they do (fuck the producers for pulling that shit)

- uh.. careless whisper.

- gabriel and adrien actually get some fucking closure (YES)

that’s about it for now. honestly in my opinion, these spoilers don’t bug me too much cause i don’t know how things led up to these moments. as long as i can still cry and enjoy the movie, i am gooood.

also i realize how much i swear in my posts. especially this one. sorry.

[sillyfanatic]

Odd relations

I’m alive folks!!

First of all!! Happy New Year omg <333 May 2023 bring the best in all of us!! 

Okok enjoy this little ficlet! It’s not much, but it’s seomthing and i’m almost proud of it! If you want some good angst and a classic little argument by two (kind of daft) hedgehogs who don’t know they’re in love, this is for yu!!! enjoy <3

click here to read it on ao3!!!

(wc; 1985)

-

“Do you ever get lonely?” The words escape his mouth before he knew he’d spoken them, and perhaps it was better left that way. The strength to speak evaded him as of late, fleeing to some unknown horizon where he was doubtful he’d ever see it return.

“Hm?” The other mumbled, unsure of how to respond. The night was silent, the grass wet and cold; it served as the only evidence it had rained. The clouds above them had parted long ago, leaving the soothing moonlight to bathe them in a subtle white glow.

“I dunno.” The blue hedgehog answered. He’d spoken without reason, without answer in mind. He scrunched his nose, bothered by the way he let emotion carry him, bothered by the fact that he could never stop himself, at least not within his presence.

“Hm.” Shadow hummed again, and one could suppose it was a response.

Such was their dynamic, Sonic figured. He would mumble some incoherent thing, and the other would nod and hum, rarely blessing him with a worded response.

The hero’s brain seemed to be melting more and more as the days passed, sensible thoughts and emotions flying out the window. Everything felt like a pile of mush, and it wasn’t entirely his fault, rather, it was the hedgehog besides him that caused it.

“Do you even like me?” Sonic turned to observe the one that sat besides him, gaze lining his figure delicately, observing.

He knew it was a stupid inquiry, he knew he was being stupid, and yet, he could not bring himself to care. The question had begun to itch his mind, and an answer eluded him completely.

“What?” The other graces him with a single word, turning briefly to eye him with concern.

“You heard me.” He stated boldly. “Do you even like me?”

Shadow tore his gaze away, eyes focused on the horizon before them. His brows furrowed, lips pursed in thought, and Sonic could not help himself in mirroring the expression, curious as to the answer that awaited him.

“May I ask what makes you say that?” Shadow spoke after a prolonged silence, his voice gravelly in the midnight air.

“Sure, dude.” He replies, heart picking up a more rapid pace. The hero takes a deep breath, ready to piece together words that hopefully functioned together well enough to be considered a sentence.

“I know it hasn’t been long that we’ve been… like this.” He gestured in between the two of them, highlighting the mere inches that separates their bodies. “But I don’t get it, man.” Another deep breath, one a person would take before admitting something they weren’t supposed to. “I’ve liked you for a long time, Shadow. I’ve never hated you. I mean, since the moment we fucking met, I knew there was a cool ass person underneath all of those walls you’d built for yourself.” He scoffed, memories of a time not long passed grazing at his mind. “I liked you, I’ve always liked you. But you…”

Shadow’s demeanour had not changed, his gaze unwavering and piercing, always looking forward, rarely (if ever) glancing to the person besides him.

Sonic pressed his lips together, certainly an attempt to keep a saddened sigh at bay. “I don’t know. You say you hate me, and yet you stick around. You say you ‘tolerate’ me, and yet you find me here, in the middle of nowhere, in the dead of night, and- and you join me.” Sonic gestures to the grass that surrounded them, to the vast emptiness that engulfed all.

“I mean how the fuck did you find me? Why would you ever want to?” The hedgehog let out a frustrated laugh, tearing his gaze away from the other. “I don’t understand you, and that’s okay. But you won’t let me.” The brief smile he’d worn vanished. “I suppose that’s okay, too.” He admits quietly, a feeling akin to hopelessness settling in his heart. Maybe he’d truly, finally, lost his head.

With a small bitter chuckle, the blue hedgehog stood, harshly scraping away wet pieces of grass that had clung to his fur.

“I’m not sure I can do this anymore, Shadow.” The words were spoken tiredly, because he was tired. Sick and tired, really, to pour such time and emotion in a relationship that seemed to end before it ever began. Sonic’s head was a mess, he could barely sleep anymore, for Chaos’ sake.

The hero waited a second, and then another. Silence followed his words, like it always did. He’d thought that maybe, just maybe, if he’d finally opened up, the other would too. That’s not how life really worked, he supposed. The blue hedgehog turned on his heels, more than ready to leave this place behind.

“It’s not true.” The words were quiet, spoken under a shaky breath. Sonic thought he’d imagined them.

“What?” He questioned, turning around to face the other. Shadow stood, then, eyes focused solely on Sonic as he did so.

“I don’t hate you, I don’t merely ‘tolerate’ you.” The agent crossed his arms, his gaze harsh and unwavering as ever. Sonic felt himself go warm underneath the unusual attention, his stomach tying itself in a nervous knot. “It’s not true.” He repeated the words, cementing them. So, they hadn’t been imagined, huh?

The blue hedgehog took a small pause, huffing out an annoyed breath. “Then what is it, dude?” He inquired, frustration bubbling up alongside the nerves in his stomach. “Be my friend, don’t be my friend, I don’t care, I just want to know which one it is.” He was lying and he knew it, it mattered, and he was afraid to admit it.

“It’s not that easy, Sonic.” The words were bitter. Why were they always bitter?

“Yes it is, man. Like me or not, don’t leave me in this weird in-between where I can’t tell insult from fucking compliment.” His words were getting harsher, this was not like him. He wasn’t being himself, in fact, it felt like he hadn’t been himself for a while. “Chaos, Shadow, I don’t know what to think anymore.”

“And you think I do?” The agent replied, his voice tearing through the quietness of the night. Shadow did not yell often, but he was more than capable of it, Sonic knew that much. Sonic had heard it once, had seen it from his own eyes. “You think that it is easy for me to know how to feel, what to think?” Crimson eyes were now solely focused on him, and the hero could not look away. He narrowed his own, puzzled by the response he was finally given.

“You think that this has all been easy for me?”

“Shadow, that’s not what I’m saying-“

“Shut up.”

“Shadow, it’s not-“

“Shut. UP!” The shout tore through the air, ragged and venomous. It shook the hero slightly, who had to take a step back and regain his balance.

“I have been alone for what feels like fucking decades.” The agent spoke, his voice shaky. “I had lived in that stupid fucking tin can floating in space for as long as I can remember, and all I’d dreamed about while I was up there, was to be down here.”

“So how do you think it felt, when I was brought here, just to see that everyone feared me? How do you think it felt, when I saw that everyone viewed me as a monster?” The dark hedgehog turned, facing the horizon once more. Sonic could not find the strength to move, frozen in place for what seemed like the first time.

“Not fucking great, I’ll answer for you.” Shadow scoffed, mocking the memories that haunted him. “I was lost, Sonic.”

He knew this. They both knew this. And yet, it needed to be said. They needed to hear it, to feel it.

“I was lost, and then I found you.” He awarded a quick glance to the one that stood still besides him, shaking his head. “You treated me like a person, not like the lab experiment I am, not like the alien I might be, and not like the monster they made me out to be.”

“And how do you think I felt then, when someone showed me care, when I could barely even remember the feeling of love, of acceptance.”

“How do you think I felt when you persisted. When you showed determination and friendliness, despite everything I’d done to push you away?”

“I forced myself to accept you, and so we became rivals. I forced myself to stop pushing you away, and so we became friends. But I’m not good at this, Sonic. I don’t know what friends do, I don’t know if friends are even supposed to talk like this, to feel like this.” The agent uncrossed his arms, tilting his head down to observe his gloved hands. “I don’t know.”

His hands dropped to his sides, and the dark hedgehog was still for a moment. Without another word, the agent sat down again, choosing to stay here, in this moment in time, in this random empty field. He tilted his head, silently observing the stars as the other observed him.

Sonic stood still, his mushy brain struggling to absorb every word that had been spoken - in fact, he was fairly certain this was the most Shadow had ever uttered in his life, for Chaos’ sake.

“I’m sorry.” Was the first thing that slipped out of his mouth, as he stood, unmoving.

“Don’t be.” Shadow’s tone had returned to its usual cadence, monotone with little emotion to show. The brief and flagrant display of sentiment was short lived, gone before Sonic had the chance to understand it.

“No, fuck, I really am.”

“It’s fine.” The sharp responses were familiar territory, and the hero did not know what to make of it. Was this return to normalcy good— or was it bad?

“It’s not, I’m such an asshole.” Sonic found the strength to move then, plopping himself lazily besides the other. He held his head in his hands, sighing frustratedly at himself. “I’ve been so focused on myself, on how I feel and whatever, I didn’t even think to take your past into consideration.” He shook his head from side to side, closing his eyes. “You’ve been through so much shadow. You’ve been through shit that would usually break a person, and you’re still standing. Or, well, sitting here, besides me, living and breathing.”

“Hm. Living the fucking dream.” His tone dripped with sarcasm, and Sonic could not help himself in smiling. This seemed to be the extent of Shadow’s humour, and catching glimpses of it was always a rare treat.

“Seriously, I’m really sorry. It’s unfair of me to expect ‘normalcy’ from you. I get it.” Sonic paused, correcting himself; “well, no, I don’t get it and I never will, but I guess that’s kind of the point?” He was starting to give himself a headache, the only result you could expect when trying to figure out the enigma that sat besides you. “Fuck, I’m just stupid. Keep doing what you’re doing, dude. Keep finding me in the middle of the night, keep being mysterious and different, keep being Shadow.”

“I’ll try.” The other spoke, and as Sonic glanced towards him, he noticed the smallest of smiles decorated his usually pursed lips. “But you have to stop referring to me as ‘dude’” And just like that the smile was gone, and a feeling of familiar ease enveloped Sonic.

Maybe Sonic wasn’t okay, so what? Maybe Shadow wasn’t either. This friendship was different, and that was fine. The hero did not understand the person besides him, and that was okay. Time would fix the unease, time would help stitch old wounds, and time would help solve a mystery or two. This, he was sure of.

As for now, Sonic was content in enjoying whatever this was.

-

okay,, guys it’s been a few months and I’m in shambles as I always tend to be BUT I managed to write THIS ! this is technically nothing, it’s a story with no point and it’s kind of not well written BUT!! hopefully I’ll get my groove back on by posting this little thing >:3 enjoy!! And please tell me your thoughts and critiques <3

[graysontheslime]

i got bored and analyzed a cool song to relate it to dsmp!tommy so here that is:Tw for mention of suicide and i think drug use?the song is Re-do by Modern Baseball! 10/10 song you should listen if you haven’t!! :D also you should thank @mellorphic for the reason this is being posted lmaoo okok onto the analysis JKBSBFJ--

“I wanna start from the top, maybe like a do-over. Replace the voices in my head with blind innocence”

So this line makes alot of sense for me. Tommy’s life was absolute *shit*. He didn’t have the greatest life so it make sense that he would want a ‘do-over’. Tommy was a kid when he joined the smp, he was childish and impulsive. He was largely innocent of how shitty the world was. He wants that innocence back, he wants to be able to be a kid again. The ‘voices’ in his head could be chat, but thats more of technos thing. I think the voices he’s talking about is his internal thoughts. His suicidal ideation, his impulsive things. C!tommy once said he was everything he didnt wanna be and that really reminds me of this line.

 “I wanna complete re-do, maybe change my name. Report the losses grab the claim, it's a shame it's such a shame” 

Nothing to say about this line besides the ‘its a shame, such a shame’. Tommy *could’ve* had a great life. He *could’ve* been great. Thats not me saying he wasn’t great or anything, i mean great in tommy’s standards. I dont think he regrets a lot of his impulsive actions (dueling dream/giving him his discs for lmanburg/ burning georges house down) but he’s not blind and he does see how they altered his life. He thinks its a shame that he never became anything of himself. He’s not obsessed with legacy or anything, he doesn’t *want* to be something, but he can recognize its a shame.

“We're pissing away our time 'cause we're pissing away these beers. No monumental moment ever came from saying ‘Come on dude, just take one more shot’.”

Nearing the end of the smp, when wilbur left, tommy really as just pissing away his time. He had no one really. He wasn’t *doing* anything with his life. He didn’t have anything to live for and he lived in paranoia and when it came down to it, he’d rather kill himself and everyone else around him than live with the idea that dream was still out there. IK the song is talking about beer when they say ’just take one more shot’ but i think it fits tommy more if their talking about giving something another shot. Tommy isn’t one to give up, he always gives things, people, objects all ‘one more shot’. Almost nothing good ever comes from it though. He’s said he doesn’t believe in second chances, that he believes in people. In not giving up on others. I think thats a bit of dangerous thinking on his part, especially with the people hes always around.

 “Try to, try to forget, that your bones will dismantle And the dreams you had, they'll collide with time”

Tommy wants to forget that he’ll die soon enough. He’s both terrified of and welcoming of his death. I think he wants to forget what limbo is. (btw I'm taking bones will dismantle as a ‘you're gonna die’ type metaphor idk man). Tommy had dreams, ofc he did. He mainly just wanted peace. He wanted a community. He wanted to be friends with so many people and do impulsive things. He wanted to see the good in people, even when there was nothing there. But when he does these things, when he makes friends, when he has a community, it all comes crashing down around him. He cant keep that peace for forever.

“Your unrequited love for life will surely- Halt that I'm thinking way too much at night”

Tommy loves things easily and hard. Including his life at one point, but ofc he hardly receives the same time of love he gives so freely. He doesn’t let him think about this though. He doesnt want to think about his life. He stopped going to therapy, he stopped going out. He started taking invis, so he could feel at least somewhat on the outside what he felt on the inside. invisible.

“Maybe I could just move away or go extinct like a triceratops, But I love loving, watching movies, sitting back and also breathing”

Tommy thinks about how he could just leave the smp like wilbur, he could just sail until he reached land, far far away from the smp. But.. he could also just kill himself. He could just die. C!tommy has made plenty of references to suicide, mainly during exile. He *could* do these things, but he still loves too much. Even with how bad he had it, he still loved doing things. He couldn’t leave without leaving the good things too.

“My family and friends would be crushed, but is it enough? (Oh no, it's not enough)”

His family and friends are not the reason he’s alive. He could say they are, but their not. What has any of them really done to keep him alive anyways? They are not the reason he’s not moving away or ‘going extinct’.

“Oh, the future freaks me out, but I guess I could just, Curl up in a ball and think”

At the end of the smp Tommy doesn’t have any plans for the future, he barely has anyone, he’s so caught up with the past he cant even begin to think of the future unless someone else is leading the conversation. (tubbo and him talking about L’Moonburg) 

Then its just the chorus again, twice but in the second time theres new lyrics in the back 

“Try to, try to forget (I won't be breaking any barriers) That your bones will dismantle and the dreams you had (so I'll keep thinking the future) They'll collide (future freaks me out) With time, your unrequited love for life (I won't judge you if you think the same) Will surely halt that (so let's keep thinking) I'm thinking way too much at night (well the future, the future freaks us out)

This feels like a conversation between tubbo and tommy, with the parentheses being tubbo and the normal part that i’d already analyzed as tommy. Tubbos more hopeful at the end of the smp, talking about L’moonburg, excited to start a new country with tommy. He’s not planning on doing anything new he’s not breaking any barriers. He’s just thinking about the future they’re gonna have together as co-presidents, as best friends. Of course, the future freaks him out too, but he doesn’t keep himself from thinking about it like tommy. He understands why tommy’s afraid though, he wont judge him for it. He knows it freaks both of them out but he wants a future together so he tells him to keep thinking. <3

----

ANYWAYS! That was it ^^ I’m open to critism and i’d love to hear yalls thoughts too! sorry for any typos tho ^^

if i was artistic enough i’d draw the ending part like a convo between tubbo and tommy. who knows i might do it anyways LMAO