#okay that’s literally the horses but do u see the vision | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 1 year ago

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MICKEY MY MOUTH IS WATERING MY HEART IS RACING MY HANDS ARE SHAKING IM LITERALLY ABOUT TO COMBUST

i honestly dont trust myself to Like. express myself coherently rn. so im just gonna go thru all the notes i made while reading this one by one <333

but mickey i need u to know that i ADORE this fic im literally so obsessed and bewitched i dont even know what to do w myself. i dont know where to begin. i feel like a rabid dog. i need to be sedated immediately THANK U for this masterpiece 😭😭😭😭😭 pls give me ur ring size rn

the prince's heart thumps in his chest - for once in his life he might actually be a bit anxious. nervous, even. no, no way. he'll talk himself out of it just like any other time. his charm will save him.

"wanna see what your insides look like, pretty boy!"

okay, maybe not.

RIGHT OFF THE BAT THIS IS SO SO FUNNY im already in love w this fic. im so charmed. its so crazy how much prince!gojo’s personality shines through in a single paragraph u r SO talented mickey. hes so charming and endearing and annoying im already in love w him </3

"why hello, gentlemen! fancy seeing you here! didn't take you for nature guys but it is a lovely day today, isn't it?" still down on the soft grass bed, the prince tries to slowly back away from the hunters before him.

a palm flies over his mouth, surpressing the giggles thrathening to leave. how can one be so proud of his own joke?

AND IM IMMEDIATELY PROVEN RIGHT goooood hes so. hes so funny and charming and witty and cute???? a little cutiepie??????? i need to bite him like a puppy w a chew toy

shit, where is suguru?

SUGURU MENTIONED‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

and as if an answer to his question — a sudden loud neigh cuts the tension on the clearing and a saviour appears.

a black horse, with a mane darker than night, stands back on it's hind legs - looming over the prince and the peasants. a figure sits up high, bright sunlight beaming from right behind them, the shadow hiding their face. but the prince knows — it's not suguru. no, this is someone else entirely.

armor clangs as the figure hastily jumps off their horse, mumbling a quick go, boy! to the animal. he takes off into the woods, leaving just the hunters and the prey behind.

a knight. coming to save him.

GOD MICKEY. knight!reader’s appearance is SO cool and hype and just. enchanting????? esp paired w gojo’s dreamlike state, i can see it so vividly in my head …….. like a movie. all hazy and sunlit and sparkly. gleaming and bursting into his world. THE ARMOR THE HORSE THE HEROIC LIGHT…..

im sure u can tell by now mickey but there isnt a single thing in this world that i love more than Knights they literally make me insane (and this fic made my obsession w them worse </3)

who are you? you're surrounded by some kind of holy light — an angel, sent just for him.

AAAAA mickey … 🥺🥺 gojo seeing reader as an angel sent to save him …..,,, even tho theyre so tough and stoic and violent. smth abt it just scratches a certain corner of my brain im obsessed

the big scar running down across your right eye forever engrained into his mind.

I LOVEEEE SCARS SM i think theyre so cool and pretty i already love ur take on knight!reader sm … :’3

a mighty knight like you doesn't have the time to worry about such silly things, although the prince thinks he would gladly (and generously) share some of his special made lip balm with you. preferably straight from his lips to yours.

SO CUTE SO CUTEEE u get gojo so well mickey. i think no matter the au he would share his lip balm w u and he would do it in the most embarrassing way possible <3333 ohhh i adore him

AND THE ACTION SEQUENCEE ….. READER CUTTING HIS HEAD OFF FUCKKKK THATS SO COOL

"next." <- THEYRE SO COOL THEYRE SO COOL THEYRE SO COOL also the subtle reference to gojo’s shibuya moment…. i See the vision

the prince blue eyes rise from the sight in front of him to you and your eyes meet for the first time ever. a prince and his knight.

something about this line hits me so hard A PRINCE N HIS KNIGHT ….. their eyes meeting ………. the fated meeting between them hhhh

the prince watching the scene unfold with exhilaration. this just might be his dream – he's the damsel in distress and you are his knight.

PRINCE!GOJO IS SO MEEEE i would be so so SO infatuated… also mickey im literally so weak for casual reversals of gender roles <33 my biggest weakness. satoru is so damsel in distress coded….. pretty boy just wants to be swept off his feet!!

you're panting; a light sheen of sweat covers your forehead – a drop runs down the side of your face. the heavy armor and the sword are taking their toll but it's nothing new, you're used to this. thick dark blood drips from your blade - they're good friends by now, they often meet. the silver and red mix together, making a color you know all too well.

im melting im crumbling im turning into Mush mickey u owe me financial compensation for this. i will NEVER be the same. i love this whole paragraph so much there r tears in my eyes its so TASTY…. such a vivid scene. i love knights SO much and i love this kind of depiction of beautiful brutality…… AND UR WRITING STYLEEE gosh its so pretty. im literally so invested already u dont UNDERSTAND T_T

he tries to bother suguru as much as he can, it's pretty much the only entertainment he has.

ANOTHER KNIGHT!SUGU MENTION im collecting them. putting them in my pocket. i need a whole entire fic of prince!gojo bothering knight!sugu they mean the WORLD to me

"stand back, your highness." you try to command him.

"no way." he replies with a smile.

HES SUCH A BRAT I LOVE HIM :( and wahhh theyre fighting together!!!!! theyve got each others back!!!!!! this is literally peak romance idc what ANYONE says

it's quite pleasing to watch; how smoothly he walks; with no shame - like he owns this clearing (he quite literally does). just like you, he knows he's already won this duel. it pleasing to watch how he raises his sword with a smile; how he knows there won't be a single consequence to anything he could possibly do to this man. he can have his time with him.

i love him i love him i love him. u write him so WELL mickey T~T hes so playful and just. easygoing … so far above. like hes above all consequences and he IS….. theres smth almost scary about it but also sooo…. charming. i can rly imagine him fighting here, almost playing with his food, waltzing w his opponent…………. ”a boy, who's used to playfighting instead of surviving.” is rly the perfect description of it ty knight!reader <3

"this isn't a game." you deadpan to the price.

SMTH ABT THIS ……….. maybe i really am just too weak to knights for my own good LMAO but im kind of in love w knight!reader. VERY in love w knight!reader. theyre so interesting and such a good foil to prince!gojo aaaaaa </3

it's uncanny, how good he looks. no. scratch that. it's uncanny, how excited he still looks. a smirk stays glued to his lips, his cheeks are flushed and his eyes are just about to pop out of his head, pupils so dilated that the crystalline blue color of his eyes is almost entirely gone. his lips are parted and he's panting a little, resembling a puppy - ready to do anything just to go outside and play.

MICKEYYYY THIS ENTIRE PARAGRAPH IM LOSING IT IM BITING AT MY FIST LIKE A CHEW TOY oh god . hes so PRETTY im pissed. the way he almost seems manic….. BUT THEN U COMPARE HIM TO A PUPPYYYY MICKEY IM TEARING UP

hes so…….. hes just a little puppy. i want to pick him up n cradle him close to my chest. panting and wagging his tail ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️ bro.

"these men are trying to kill you, your highness." blood pools in your mouth and you spit it out, wiping your mouth once more.

"whatever." he laughs. he plays with the blade in his hand but his eyes are cemented to your bloodied lips.

OH HES NOT SLICK AT ALL…….

the prince's mouth falls agape. how dare you mock him? and how dare you look so good while doing it?

ME AND PRINCE!GOJO ARE LIKE THIS 🤝🤝 i really do adore this kind of dynamic… knight!reader is violent and beautiful and dangerous and gojo is just watching them lovingly <333

"and need i remind you, i am your prince." he stands next to you, eagerly trying to assert dominance but the jutted out lip almost makes you laugh.

"oh, my deepest apologies for offending your pride, my prince." you bow down, just enough to really get your teasing point across.

THE BANTER THE TEASING THE THE THE (sound of buzzing static). ”my prince” i literally started foaming at the mouth I LOVE THEM BOTH SOOO MUCH

you watch the light go from his eyes and you let out a deep sigh. closing your eyes, you lift your head up to the sky, momentarely basking in the warm sunlight.

(…)

but the over exaggerating sigh emitting from the prince makes you take a peek at him. he's almost mimicking you - standing up with his head lolled back and eyes closed, he also seems to be enjoying the sun. just like you.

this is such a pleasant mental image…… so vivid and peaceful and just. such a tender little respite from all the violence ……. and!!! the emphasis on the fact that theyre the same, that both of them r just two people basking in sun :< mickey u evil genius

he's staring down at you, looking at the concentrated look on your scarred face. the close proximity is already clouding his head, the touch deprivation really kicking in. yeah, no, he's officially addicted.

TOUCH STARVED GOJO TOUCH STARVED GOJO 👏👏👏👏👏 hes literally soooooo real to me. i think a headscratch could fix him

bending down you pick up the piece of cloth made out of the most expensive materials, surely, just for the prince. swiping your rough fingers over it, you marvel in the softness of it. it's completely and utterly foreign to you. not meant for you to touch.

not meant for u to touch ….. :c u show their differences in status so subtly n seamlessly… i almost forgot it bc of how in sync they were while fighting but im assuming that the gap between them will be a big theme later on in the series too and im just sooooo excited to see where it goes!!! i feel like its gonna make me cry tho :’3

”he's very well-trained." the prince muses.

"he is." (…) ”unlike you, of course." it's a mumble, if anything. a quiet breath under your nose yet the prince hears it nonetheless - his eyebrows shooting up.

"excuse me?"

READER IS SO SASSSYYYY oh i adore them. and again!!! their banter is so GOOD and fun to read im so addicted to ur dialogue aaaaa

"wait-wait! i don't even know your name! you just saved the prince, i really should now your name." he says loudly. he speaks like he's not afraid to take up space. you envy him.

YOU ENVY HIMMMM………….. im literally so so SO interested in knight!reader their personality shines through so well in the narration and its just so good…. that subtle envy, maybe a bit of admiration…. like a child watching a dove take flight into the sky………. i am Thinking many thoughts (<- my obsession is growing deeper by the second)

"satoru."

you look at him confused. the boy stands in the field of blood with a beaming smile and an outstreched hand. inviting you in. "my name."

"i know your name, your higness."

"well, i want you to use it."

"absolutely not, your highness."

"i command you."

…

MICKEY THE WAY I FELL TO MY FUCKING KNEES hes so…… ohhh hes just soooooooo…….. u made both prince!gojo and knight!reader WAY too charming and attractive i have no idea who im more jealous of atp 😭😭😭 ”i command you.” i respect reader so much bc i wouldve folded like a lawn chair

ALSO JUST … THE INTIMACY OF A NAME ….. him wanting u to call him by name, wanting to know urs…. reaching a hand out. beaming. hes the apple of my eye <3333

but theres smth sooo…. tender here that reader rejects i think. that little step hes taking into their world. but obv reader cant reciprocrate bc they just Arent on equal grounds at all…. GAHH I WANT THEM TO CALL HIM BY NAME THOUGH ☹️☹️ i feel like itd be so so sweet and i also think he’d fall to his knees PHSJDJS

"i pretend i do not hear, your highness."

his shoulders fall, his lower lip jutting out. "but you have to!"

"i do not, your highness."

"isn't a prince's command sacred?" he skips over to you. "or something?"

"or something, your highness."

oh hes the cutest EVER. just a little lad. skipping around. in my brain ur prince!gojo is making this :3 face 24/7…. and reading is just -_- THEYRE MY EVERYTHING

"good luck!"

"oh, fuck off."

THEYRE SO <333333333 this is what love looks like to me

the prince is sure he's in love. and since love is blind, he definitely does not see the real danger of the situation; he truly believes you will kill this man in one go and you'll be on your merry way home. he'll be swinging his legs while sitting behind you, whistling alongside the birds.

oooooooohhhhhhh i love this. im sure im repeating myself atp but mickey u need to understand how much i love ur prince!gojo….. how perfect ur characterization of him is….. he’s spoiled, and he rly does seem to think that hes above consequences. which is probably INFURIATING for reading lmao but something abt it is almost…. idk the right word for it. he just has this innocence to him…

i also love how he’s just reader’s lil hypeman LOL. like a girl at the club who picks a fight w everyone and then brings her 6’0 boyfriend in to defend her LMAOOO

a clap.

a clap is what brings your eyes up from the lifeless body laying dead on the ground.

"knew you could do it!" the clapping echoes in your ears; another bloody ball of spit leaves your mouth and you wipe the remains with the back of your hand. "jus' needed a bit of help at first, no big deal."

this is so attractive to me im sorry I LOVE PRINCE!GOJO SOOO MUCH <333 i just know he was sitting there twirling his hair kicking his feet watching his beloved knight behead a whole man <33

ALSOOOO i hope ive made this clear enough already but!!! i love ur dialogue so SO much and also just ur writing style in general…… its extremely late here rn so my brain is a bit groggy but this is just so FUN to read, its not straining at all!!! and ur characterization is so so so enjoyable wahhhh 🥺🥺 im just so enamored by it all !!

"get up."

"nuh-uh."

...

"w- what do you mean 'nuh-uh'? get up, i'm taking you home."

NOT THE NUH UH PSJFKDJDJFJ HES SO INFURIATING 😭😭😭 i fear i am in love.

"lay here with me a moment."

"are you fucking serious?"

HELP THE WAY HE WANTS TO HAVE A ROMANTIC MOMENT W U SOOOO BADLY …..

"this isn't a negotiation. get up."

"c'moooon."

"get the fuck up."

"you look really good from this angle, you know."

oh im so WEAK for flirty x stoic dynamics…. they give me butterflies i love these two to the moon and back actually. i need them to kiss.

in one quick motion, the tip of your blade touches his jaw - the cold steel tilting up his head. his adam's apple bobs and the sharp edge slides an inch on his glassy skin.

HEAVY BREATHING HEAVY BREATHING HEAVY BREATHING HEAVY BREAPDJDKFBDUXBXB MCIKEY. MICKEY. u r ticking ALL my boxes rn please stop i can literally feel my brain rearranging itself . i am Not the same person i was ten minutes ago

it's the quiet anger in your eyes; he can see that you're holding yourself back. if he were anyone else, he'd surely be dead already. you're clenching your teeth, your jaw tensing. it's hot.

(…)

the tip of your blade presses more into his skin, making him back down with a breathy chuckle. he thinks you won't hurt him.

oh, but you will.

the cold blade sinks half an inch into his neck, stopping when a drop of blood dribbles down it. the sun shines down on the warm liquid, making it appear lighter in tone than it actually is. it trickles down the prince's neck and straight onto his whiter than snow shirt. just a drop.

the prince holds his breath. a new kind of excitement running in his veins. blood rushing to... somewhere.

GOJO IS SO FUCKING REAL IM LITERALLY SALIVATING. mickey this entire sequence might be my absolute fave part of the whole fic and TRUST ME its hard to pick a fave …… i was foaming at the mouth reading this i literally have no words. this is my greatest weakness. im lying on the floor like a gutted fish. the blade tilting his jaw… the blood against pale skin…… the fear mixing w attraction i am going FERAL

(also can i just say …. gojo getting a fucking boner from this is so UNBELIEVABLY real i cant believe him. hes Me. we are the same. theres something very wrong w him <33)

the prince clears his throat and refrains from commenting on the fact that your warm hand still sits in his. it takes you a second to realize and you pull away from him as if you just got burned. the prince wipes off the blood on his neck – the wound remaining a constant remainder of you. looking away, you sheathe your sword and step towards your awaiting horse. you also feel the need to clear your throat; a strange lump keeps forming in there and you don't really know why.

the prince follows you with quick steps and this time, to your surprise, he doesn't fight on the matter of going home. he lets you get on first and then with the help of your offered hand, he sits himself behind you – arms circling your armored waist. for safety purposes, of course.

this is so so cute and tender …. the comfortable silence and subtle intimacy and the simmering tension ….. it feels like puppy love to me. at least from gojo’s side. just a bunch of blushing and nervous gazes and careful touches i am melting through the floorboards

the late afternoon sun is slowly starting to set, warming the back of the sleepy prince behind you. an unexpected weight rests itself against your shoulder and you try to glance at it – and it really is the sleepy prince. his eyes are closed, his long elegant white eyelashes lay against his skin. his cheek is completely smushed against your armor, both lips jutted out as if awaiting his fairytale kiss. he's kind of cute like this.

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 mickey there are TEARS in my eyes help me hes the cutest eepiest sweetest boy in the whole wide world. AND THIS VIBE …. the sunshine…. the warmth……. i can literally feel it so vividly goshhhh this fic is so comforting

"hey!" a smooth voice calls to you and you're met with another knight. he's beautiful.

OHHHHH MY SUGU RADAR IS BEEPING SO LOUD RN

he's stood by the castle gates, convering with another servant but seeing you he scraps his sentence and hastily makes his way over to you. he's holding his helm under his arm, his dark black hair gently blowing in the summery wind. his eyes are glued to the man behind you – you can see the worry swirling in them. and you can also see it disappear when he hears the prince snore. "is he sleeping?"

a sigh. "yeah."

"fuckin' christ. of course, he is." his eyes have now found yours and he's studying you. you're not from around here, at least not from this town. he reckons you're here for the money; he doesn't blame you. "thanks for bringing him back."

THERE HE ISSSSSS ‼️‼️‼️‼️ MY SPECIAL BOY 😭😭😭😥😥😥😥😥 oh i LOVE the way u write him mickey hes soooo funny and snarky n secretly caring <333 the way hes worried at first…. stsg are soulmates no matter the universe i think

"i know. just... buy the sleeping beauty a new fancy little outfit with it, why don't you?" you can't hide the small little smirk on your lips, imagining his reaction to your words.

I LOOOVEEEEE KNIGHT!READER I LOVE THEM TO THE MOON AND BACK IM PICKING THEM UP N COVERING THEM IN KISSES <3333333 mickey i literally cant tell u how in awe i am of u and ur characterization like. GAHH. theyre both SO charming i cant believe u have me simping for both of them 😔😔 wasnt one enough.

this prince — this irritatingly beautiful boy with an even more irritating personality and an even more beautiful smile won't definitely haunt you for the rest of your life. he won't.

right?

@me before starting jjk LMAOOO bUT seriously…. i love this paragraph!! so much. irritatingly beautiful rly is the best possible description of gojo i think…. and reader being in denial ………… these two are going to make me lose it entirely i can FEEL it

aaaand thats it for my notes !!!!! MICKEY IDK IF U CAN TELL BUT. im literally insane. i feel insane. i gobbled this up like the finest cuisine bc thats exactly what it is.

i loveloveLOVE ur take on them and ur writing and dialogue and characterization and just !!!! this fic in general !!!!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺 SO many moments had me giggling n smiling n foaming at the mouth LMAO….. i know i already said it but this was just so FUN to read, it didnt feel long at all and i enjoyed every bit of it <3333

ack. i just!! i cant praise u enough!!!!! im in awe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in shambles!!!!! this fic deserves a billion notes and then some. i have the biggest smile on my face rn words cant explain how much i love this. how much i love YOU. tysm for feeding the entire fandom w this concept <3333333 uve added at least two decades to my life span im not even kidding i would lay down my life for u!!!!

i feel like i have so much more to say but the words just. Wont come out PLS just know ily and i love this and i love prince!gojo & knight!reader and im literally so excited to read the rest of this series u dont even KNOW. if u feel a sudden warmth envelop u out of nowhere today thats me hugging u telepathically <333 picking u up and spinning u around!!!!!! i appreciate u so much 🥺🥺

thank u so so so much for this meal mickey i devoured every single crumb. pls tell knight!reader & prince!gojo that i love them :’3

SUMMER - THE FIRST MEETING

☆. contains: prince!gojo satoru x gn!knight!reader; crack, fluff; meet-cute????; blood and death; tw gojo is fucking ridiculous; a couple of suggestive comments and a boner mention; also a knight!suguru mention (thank u moss); reader has scars

☆. word count: 6k

☆. note: dedicated to @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat thank you for being insane about them with me and thank you for being my inspiration<333

adrenaline pumps in his veins.

the branches scratch his marble skin as he runs through the forest, followed by the loud thumping of six or seven men. the sudden loudness amidst the trees scares even the birds, flocks of them flying in their seperate ways over the clear blue sky.

"c'mere, boy!"

"yeah! we jus' wanna talk!" their deep dark laughter echoes between the trees. the prince's heart thumps in his chest - for once in his life he might actually be a bit anxious. nervous, even. no, no way. he'll talk himself out of it just like any other time. his charm will save him.

"wanna see what your insides look like, pretty boy!"

okay, maybe not.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

he tries to catch a glimpse of them over his shoulder and immediately trips over a branch, falling face first into a cute small clearing. the perfect little spot for a murder attempt of a prince.

"well, well, well. if it isn't the honored one." says one of the men that had been chasing him. another one steps into the clearing after him and from the corner of his eye he spots another pair. he's clearly outnumbered.

"where's your sword, boy? stupid of you to come out without it. you never know what lurks in the shadows, heh." another voice booms from the left. two more men leaning on trees, one of them plays with a knife while the other lights a smoke. the bright sunlight bounces off the knife, making the prince gulp.

now typically, he would have it with him but well, he hadn't really planned on getting ambushed, now did he? his plan was to enjoy the warm weather and time away from his father. so this time, he does not have it. this one time he decides he'll do fine without it is the time for these money hungry bastards to make their move. how unfortunate.

"i was actually hoping to use one of yours." he says with a smile.

the men laugh.

a bald one steps forward, the leader the prince presumes. he plays with the tip of his blade, letting it glide over his palm as he starts making his way over to the prince.

"you really are as arrogant as they say. d'ya know how much your head costs?"

the prince laughs.

"what's so funny, boy?"

"i don't think you gents can even comprehend how much my head would cost."

a palm flies over his mouth, surpressing the giggles thrathening to leave. how can one be so proud of his own joke? his attackers stare at the prince with straight faces - they either don't understand or they're seriously beginning to take him for a bit of a loony.

"not funny? i thought it was funny. you know, head?" the prince's tongue pokes at his cheek, his hand making a back and forth motion and one of the men gags. "what?! you're the ones talking about my head!"

"enough."

the baldy is only a few steps away but the prince doesn't really have a plan. should he run again? the castle is far, would he even make it there? sure, he's fast but there's way more of them. hell, there might be more hiding in the trees. what if they do have horses somewhere? they'll catch him for sure. shit, where is suguru?

and as if an aswer to his question — a sudden loud neigh cuts the tension on the clearing and a saviour appears.

armor clangs as the figure hastily jumps off their horse, mumbling a quick go, boy! to the animal. he takes off into the woods, leaving just the hunters and the prey behind.

a knight. coming to save him.

"step back." confidently unsheathing your sword, you point the silvery blade at the baldy. your voice is rough and the prince definitely doesn't recognise you.

"we were here first." he bites back.

"he's mine."

and then the prince falls into a dream-like state. the short interaction between his knight and the bandits falls deaf on his ears as he's busy taking you in. who are you? you're surrounded by some kind of holy light — an angel, sent just for him. he has never seen you before, he'd definitely remember you if he had. he glances over your armor, noticing the small specks of rust covering the joints of the cuirass. you're not wearing a helm so the prince can take his time to remember your eyes; the big scar running down across your right eye forever engrained into his mind. and it's not the only one – you've clearly taken some hits; a strong warrior nonetheless. your eyes are set on the bald bastard in front of you – cold and hunter-like? absolutely devoid of fear and anything alike, you know you will best the men before you. you shall brush them off and count this as a quick and simple victory. your posture is immaculate, your head held up high – it's making him a bit jealous really, all the times he's been lectured about not having a straight back flood his mind. he should be ashamed. his eyes fall to your lips; they're a little chapped but that's completely understandable. a mighty knight like you doesn't have the time to worry about such silly things, although the prince thinks he would gladly (and generously) share some of his special made lip balm with you. preferably straight from his lips to yours.

a sudden light in the corner of his eye breaks breaks him from his dream and gives him a second to scoot backward – to escape the sharp blade coming down his way very fucking fast —

it lands right between his thighs, awfully close to his precious manhood and he gasps. big widened eyes gaze up at the perpetrator but before he can say anything, a quick swing at the man's neck makes the lump in the prince's throat grow in size. the man's mouth opens and closes twice, eyes rolling back before the whole head rolls off the body. it falls between the prince's legs, right next to the sword, the body following a mere second later. blood splatters out of the limp figure, painting the lush green grass a deep dark red color instead.

"next."

the prince blue eyes rise from the sight in front of him to you and your eyes meet for the first time ever. a prince and his knight.

but moment doesn't last. you tear your sharp eyes from his infatuated ones and glare at the men hiding in the treeline. it seems they need a moment to collect themselves – as they should. not everybody is able to cleave a head off a body in one swing.

they've heard stories about you.

an abrupt war cry emits from behind one of the trees, accompanied with the fast heavy steps of the man sprinting towards you. he's a good distance away, giving you more than enough time to ready yourself. his eyebrows are furrowed, fingers tightly gripping the sharp blade in his hand. he's approaching quickly, the ground thumping under his feet. you make your stance directly in front of the prince, ready to protect him, ready to keep him all to yourself.

while you're focused on the bastard coming straight for you, you barely make out the other pair of feet advancing from the other side.

"watch out!" a loud warning comes from down below you, the prince watching the scene unfold with exhilaration. this just might be his dream – he's the damsel in distress and you are his knight.

but to you, it seems that these poor men (including the prince himself) still underestimate you.

the yelling man meets his demise the second he's in your reach, a swift deep slash across his body stopping him in his tracks - he'll bleed to death in a matter of minutes. you think about how stupid they are for coming out here without armor or any other sort of protection. did they really think killing the prince would be so easy. however, you don't have time to contemplate the decisions of these silly little men because the other bandit is about to be on you.

almost stumbling over the prince's lanky legs, you realize that you're putting the prince way too close to the danger. you wouldn't want him to get hurt, now, would you? so, you take a bold step toward your attacker and pressuring him into making his move earlier than expected - which in turn, makes dodging it easier than expected. he swings his sword but you dodge it; he does it again - this time in the opposite direction but to no avail. you strike him once, twice – sending him staggering backwards before finishing him off with slash to his throat. he falls.

meanwhile, the prince sits on the soft grassy ground, observing the brutal scene. his hands shake from the adrenaline still pumping in his body; the excitement of the whole thing making him grow restless – desperate for some action. every day he sits in the castle, rows of words filling his vision – it's boring. he tries to bother suguru as much as he can, it's pretty much the only entertainment he has. sometimes he still messes around with the maids; aimlessly flirts with the younger women and cracks jokes with the older ones. but it's not enough. he needs this.

so, he scrambles to grab the dead man's sword from between his legs, drawing your attention away from the treeline, where three men still prowl.

"stand back, your highness." you try to command him.

"no way." he replies with a smile.

you reach out your hand, ready to push him aside - to usher him toward the other side of the clearing but a deep voice interrupts you.

"would you look at that, the boy wants to play too?" he chuckles darkly.

"bold of you to laugh while your friends lay dead before you." the prince sharply snaps back.

the man stays quiet.

you stare at him for a moment, raising a brow at his arrogance. you've heard that the prince has had some training and that he is supposedly good with a sword but to be this excited in a moment like this? he's something else, you surmise. he takes his place slightly behind you, ready to "watch your back".

in theory, you're still outnumbered even with the prince alongside you. the men are circling around you and it's hard to keep them all in your sights. two of them seem to be more focused on you, seemingly the only good idea they've had in a minute, and one is going straight for the prince.

they all make their move simultaneously, running wildy at the both of you. a loud clang — a swing against your tough armor; the heavy hit almost making you lose your balance. you collect yourself fast and take a quick left - successfully ducking away from the next blow. but the taking on two people at the same time is no small feat; the other bandit smacks you right in the middle of your face with the back of his sword, immediately flooding your senses with the tangy smell of blood. the warm liquid drips down to your lip and you can almost taste it. no, wait - you can taste it. a cut in your tongue, deep and painful, the result of it getting caught between your teeth. you've always thought it hard to bite your tongue and now, a mouthful of blood clogging your throat confirms that you won't be doing that again. you spit some of it out and bare your red stained teeth at the attackers.

the prince behind you is, surprisingly, holding his own very well. he's enjoying it. a cocky smile plays on his lips as he toys with the man. taking a step to the right and then to the left, as if checking his footwork.

"not bad, tough guy!" the prince laughs, making you glance over your shoulder but the movement in front of you brings your focus back to your guys. tired of playing around, you juke one of them and cut off the hand holding the blade; the man's wailing music to your ears. whilst he cries, you stab the remaining man right through his chest.

the prince and his dance partner are still going at it. the man swings his blade at the prince and he deflects it with ease. he keeps taking steps forward, forcing his opponent to back up; it's clear who's controlling the fight.

but there's a very distincitve difference between him and you. while the prince uses every possible chance to taunt and mess with his rival, preferring to toy with them - you would never. it's what really reminds you, who you're fighting alongside with. this is not some random drunk in a tavern or a even a skilled knight on a battlefield - it's the prince. a boy, who's used to playfighting instead of surviving.

your heavy armored boot sinks into the ground as you step between them, swiftly slicing your sword across his knees, making him fall down with a sob. you wipe the blood from your nose, slightly smearing it on your cheek.

"this isn't a game." you deadpan to the price. it's uncanny, how good he looks. no. scratch that. it's uncanny, how excited he still looks. a smirk stays glued to his lips, his cheeks are flushed and his eyes are just about to pop out of his head, pupils so dilated that the crystalline blue color of his eyes is almost entirely gone. his lips are parted and he's panting a little, resembling a puppy - ready to do anything just to go outside and play.

"why not? i haven't had this much fun since – i don't know, fucking forever, probably."

the two last bandits cry on either side of you but you pay them no mind.

"these men are trying to kill you, your highness." blood pools in your mouth and you spit it out, wiping your mouth once more.

"whatever." he laughs. he plays with the blade in his hand but his eyes are cemented to your bloodied lips.

"whatever?"

another loud cry comes from the man with no arm.

"there are constantly people trying to kill me. it's no big deal." he drops the sword, aware he won't be needing it any longer.

"must i remind you – you looked pretty terrified before i arrived, your highness."

the prince's mouth falls agape. how dare you mock him? and how dare you look so good while doing it?

just when the armless man opens his mouth to let out another annoying wail, you end him with a strong blow, putting him out of his well-deserved misery.

"and need i remind you, i am your prince." he stands next to you, eagerly trying to assert dominance but the jutted out lip almost makes you laugh.

"oh, my deepest apologies for offending your pride, my prince." you bow down, just enough to really get your teasing point across. you spit out another clump of blood. stepping to the very last dying man on the clearing, you swat away his dirty hand and slice his throat. you watch the red liquid flow out of the wound and down his body. you watch the light go from his eyes and you let out a deep sigh. closing your eyes, you lift your head up to the sky, momentarely basking in the warm sunlight.

the silvery heavy boots you're wearing are absolutely tearing into the back of your heel and the constant irony smell and taste is getting rather annoying. your tongue hurts and your fucking nose hurts and if you're being honest, your whole damn body hurts.

gives you time to just look at him, though. his hair still looks soft as ever, like he hadn't been fighting for his life a few minutes ago. you know, he takes care of his hair - he just seems the type to spend inexplicably long in front of his mirror making sure the white tufts of hair sit nicely. his pretty little prince attire is messed up, though. it's dirty and stained green in some places; it's wrinkled, deep lines running all over his body. but then, you spot a patch of red on his beautiful pale skin. the dirt and the wrinkles you can look past but blood on the kingdom's beloved prince is a bit too much. he can't go back to the castle like that, can't have his parents worrying. can't have the king and the queen worrying. so, you abandon your place in the sun and walk over to him. the prince barely has the time to open his eyes before you're roughly grasping his chin and smashing his cheeks together.

"you uh- have a little something here, your highness." you wet your thumb in your mouth and bring it to his cheek, gently wiping it clean.

he should be at least a little disgusted. he's the prince! how dare you touch him like that! with your own fingers; with a saliva coated thumb, wiping at his precious face and oh, his thoughts are running wild in his head. he wants more of that. he needs more of that. sure, it's dirty – he doesn't know where your hands have been. well, he kind of knows, considering he literally just watched you decimate six men. but your hand cradling his jaw is something he doesn't get that a whole lot.

sure, his mother kisses him on the cheek every once in a while and there are people helping him dress and even wash himself but it's just not it. he wants somebody to really touch him. like you're doing right now.

when you finally release his face from your hold, his own hand rises to return the gesture but you harshly swat his hand away.

"none of that." you grunt as you for the nth time of the lovely afternoon, wipe your own blood off off your face. turning away from him a piece of clothing on the ground catches your eye.

"so you're allowed to be all bloody and muddy but i am not?" since your back is turned to him, you can't see his face but you're so sure you just heard him pout.

"because my appearance does not matter, your highness. all that matters is you being returned safely."

"right." his eyes bore into your figure, trying to take a mental picture of the cravings on the back of your armor. he doesn't recognise those either.

"i do believe this is yours, your highess?" you turn back to him and reach out your arm, offering it to him. he nods but makes no attempt to retrieve it from you.

"shouldn't you put it on, your highness? doesn't it hurt?" you inquire, genuine curiosity evident in your voice.

"no, i want to keep looking at you without restrictions."

usually, you don't fall for such simple words. usually. but this really caught you off-guard. your breath hitches just a little as you stare back at him. he confidentally holds your gaze, no regret in his eyes. if anything, a glint of proudness shines in them. you try to brush it off.

taking a few steps, you simply push it into his hands and a bright smile plays on his lips as he pickets the blindfold. he's annoying, you conclude in your mind.

in the background you hear a quiet neigh, breaking the sweet little moment between the knight and the prince – your horse letting you know that it has returned to you.

"he's very well-trained." the prince muses.

"he is." you look at your companion with pride and beckon it closer. stopping right in front of you, his dark mane glistens under the sunlight. you give him a few pats before adjusting the saddle.

"unlike you, of course." it's a mumble, if anything. a quiet breath under your nose yet the prince hears it nonetheless - his eyebrows shooting up.

"excuse me?"

you look up at him.

"you are excused, your highness. 'though, i really oughta return you home now, i'm sure your parents are terribly worried." you gesture to the horse.

he scoffs. "ah yes, surely, the king is worried."

you hum knowingly. you've seen him waltzing around town a few times, a bitter old man; desperate to keep his claim on the land and even more desperately trying to build a clone out of his son. trying to open up his brain and stuff it with battelfield strategies while the boy himself is occupyied with actually taking care of his people. that much you know about him.

stepping back from the saddle, you motion for him to climb on but to your displeasure, the man steps back.

"wait-wait! i don't even know your name! you just saved the prince, i really should now your name." he says loudly. he speaks like he's not afraid to take up space. you envy him.

"that is irrelevant, your highness. now, please." you motion to the animal beside you again.

the prince takes another big step backward into the centre of the clearing. he does a spin, enjoying the warm sun and completely ignores the dead bodies all around him.

"satoru."

you look at him confused. the boy stands in the field of blood with a beaming smile and an outstreched hand. inviting you in. "my name."

"i know your name, your higness." you stare at him blankly. this is the prince? your kingdom will soon be in his hands? you're doomed.

"well, i want you to use it."

"absolutely not, your highness."

"i command you."

...

satoru's lips twitch upward – awaiting for your reply; thinking he's won already. clearly not enough people tell him no.

"i pretend i do not hear, your highness."

his shoulders fall, his lower lip jutting out. "but you have to!"

"i do not, your highness."

"isn't a prince's command sacred?" he skips over to you. "or something?"

"or something, your highness." you sigh, looking at him, silently begging for him to climb onto the horse and be on your way to the castle and then to the nearest bed. you reckon you deserve as muc —

"where do you think you're going?"

a voice - coming from the other side of the clearing. it's deep, like thunder. and there he is. the seventh man of the group and he's big. this is who the guys were probably betting on doing the all of the work. shit.

"hey, who are you?!" the prince shouts and you almost push him into the bush next to you.

"i see you've already dealt with my dear friends. that's a shame. one of 'em owed me a drink."

"and you'll be dealt with, too, if you don't stop right there!" you yell back at him, making him laugh.

"listen here, tin can," the humiliating nickname makes the prince snicker and you have half the mind to actually smack him. "i'm not here for you. 'm here for your pretty little boyfriend."

"he is not my boyfriend!"

"no? so you're not on a lovely stroll in the woods together, hm?" he's now in the middle of the field and the reality of this man's size is making you gulp. he's very obviously towering over the both of you and well, armor won't really do anything if your opponent can just crush your skull.

"we actually are!" the prince answers with a smug smile. and this being the final straw, you hit his shoulder with everything you've got, making him stumble backwards.

"how dare you?" he whispers. you try your utmost best to ignore him.

unsheathing your sword, you start making your way over to the man.

"good luck!"

"oh, fuck off."

"what kind of a man doesn't fight his own fights?"

"the prince kind, you dumb fuck."

you meet him smack in the middle of the blood field. fingers gripping the handle of your blade; how does one fight a giant? you hold your ground, boots leaving a deep print into the mud. a flock of birds flies high above you, altering the way the sun bears down on you. it shines right into your eye and the second it's gone, the giant is a foot lenght away from you, angrily raising his sword – ready to make you bleed —

but then his mountain-like body moves a step to the side, a force pushing him aside and away from you.

the prince.

your eyes widen and you try to pull him away from the giant but you're too late – his heavy hand does it for you and prince goes flying back; falling back onto his ass, groaning and moaning. you lock eyes with the bandit boss and clang! — the sound of his rusted sword colliding with your polished one reverberates throughout the whole forest. the entirety of this man's strength is making your knees buckle and he chuckles at you. another clang and then another; one right after the other. you don't stop; with taking big steps you force him to lose his edge of towering over you. another clang but this time you spin youself from under the impact, pulling your sword upwards and scoring a hit on the giant. red blooms from under his shirt but he's unrelenting. a swish and a clang and yet another clang - and you manage to trip your rival; he bares his back to you and is punished for it immediately. a strong swing of your blade tears into the skin of his neck, the red now pouring out. he falls to his knees, facing the prince. a growl leaves your lips when you raise your sword for the last time for today - it smashes through the thick pinkish meat of his neck once more and with that, you've beheaded exactly two men today.

a clap.

a clap is what brings your eyes up from the lifeless body laying dead on the ground.

the eye roll you give him only irks him on. "all offense, i did not need your help, your highness."

"i don't know, definitely looked like you did, though. the sun seemed to be doing a number on you."

a few fast paced steps toward him make the corners of his lip pull up even higher. fuck, that's really beginning to get on your nerves.

"get up."

"nuh-uh."

...

"w- what do you mean 'nuh-uh'? get up, i'm taking you home."

"has anyone ever mentioned that you're very bossy?"

"has anyone ever mentioned that you're very irritating?"

"yes, many times actually." he says it like he takes pride in knowing that.

"that is not a good thing, you know."

"lay here with me a moment."

"are you fucking serious?"

his answer is a smile. FUCK.

"get. up."

"tell me your name and i will."

"this isn't a negotiation. get up."

"c'moooon."

"get the fuck up."

"you look really good from this angle, you know."

in one quick motion, the tip of your blade touches his jaw - the cold steel tilting up his head. his adam's apple bobs and the sharp edge slides an inch on his glassy skin. he would rather give up one of his precious balls than to admit that you do look a bit scary like this. but just a bit. it's the quiet anger in your eyes; he can see that you're holding yourself back. if he were anyone else, he'd surely be dead already. you're clenching your teeth, your jaw tensing. it's hot.

your burning eyes bore into his icy blue ones and a short breath of air escapes your nose. it's the twinkle in his eyes that's really pissing you off now. you're getting tired; this isn't a game. the tip of your blade presses more into his skin, making him back down with a breathy chuckle. he thinks you won't hurt him.

oh, but you will.

the prince holds his breath. a new kind of excitement running in his veins. blood rushing to... somewhere.

"up."

when all he does is blink up at you, you press the sharp blade deeper into the small wound, making him wince - a small ah-ahh leaving his pink lips.

"i will take you home now. understood," a final push. "your highness?"

the prince nods against your weapon; feeling his pants getting tighter and tigher by the second. he shakes his head to rid of these thoughts. you are his saviour, his angel, his knight. it is inappropriate.

to his surprise, you offer him a hand, which he so generously takes. the small and short-lived skin to skin contact making his crush only worse. pulling him up onto his feet he bumps into you, making him almost lose his balance if not for your hand in his. this is the same man from before? who was toying with his opponent? weird.

with a shallow breath and a gentle shake of your head, you grab the reins – letting your noble steed know you're ready to go.

the ride to the castle is quiet (you figure it would be time for the prince's afternoon nap anyhow). birds chirp on the branches growing over your head, squirrels chase each other down the tree barks. the late afternoon sun is slowly starting to set, warming the back of the sleepy prince behind you. an unexpected weight rests itself against your shoulder and you try to glance at it – and it really is the sleepy prince. his eyes are closed, his long elegant white eyelashes lay against his skin. his cheek is completely smushed against your armor, both lips jutted out as if awaiting his fairytale kiss. he's kind of cute like this. when he's not being a dick.

a gentle smile graces your lips as you continue on your ride to the castle. upon arrival, you're met with the townsfolk's glares. understandable, considering you have a knocked out prince on your back.

"hey!" a smooth voice calls to you and you're met with another knight. he's beautiful.

a sigh. "yeah."

"sure."

"i'll get him inside and then i'll bring you the reward." he slightly shakes the snoring man but nothing.

your eyebrows shoot up. "the reward?"

"for bringing him back? the king put out a reward?" it's the knight's time to sigh. his big hands wrap around the prince's waist and he pulls him onto his shoulder. watching him getting manhandled like a doll is quite funny to you. the knight does the smallest jump in order to move the limp body into a more "comfortable" position before looking at you.

"oh... no need." you tell him.

"no? the king put it out, not me, you know."

"i know. just... buy the sleeping beauty a new fancy little outfit with it, why don't you?" you can't hide the small little smirk on your lips, imagining his reaction to your words.

the knight snorts quietly. somehow he already knows the prince will be asking about you the second he opens his eyes. he'll bombard the black haired knight with questions about you as if he'd know any better. he's already preparing himself for the headache he'll surely get.

you take one last look at the prince on the knight's shoulder and rein your horse away from the men, setting your mind on finding a place to stay.

this prince — this irritatingly beautiful boy with an even more irritating personality and an even more beautiful smile won't definitely haunt you for the rest of your life. he won't.

right?

#if u see this u r legally obligated to read this fic or u will be cursed for the rest of ur life #I LOVED IT SOSOSOSO MUCH…… <333 #the vibes are immaculate the banter is so funny the writing is so pretty the dynamic is literally unbeatable #prince!gojo is a charming flirty puppy dog of a man & knight!reader is so attractive they distracted me from gojo #the action is also SO good and i love the brutality of it … esp contrasted w the soft n funny moments in between #ALSO KNIGHT!SUGU HELLO????????? worth at least three reads just for him alone <333 #i cant even speak mickey i loved every single part of this fic from start to finish #kisses u kisses u kisses u !!!!!!!#here is a bouquet for this masterpiece im gonna read it for the rest of my life 💐💐💐#im extremely eepy rn but i hope u can feel every single drop of the love i have for u and this fic !! my heart is just brimming w it :’3 #<3 <3 <3

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sup-hoes-its-me · 4 years ago

Text

Emotion (Kakashi x Reader)

A/N: Kakashi again...can't get enough of this mans tbh. U r an empath due to your kekkei genkai and Kakashi has always been difficult to read. Friend to lovers. Sharing one bed folks, we got some steamyyy shit here. Angst warning as well.

Word count: 6000

He was always alone. Ever since his childhood, he walked the world completely alone with only a few people there to support him. No mother, no father, no mentor, no teammates. He was at the mercy of fate his entire life, things being stolen from him time and time again.

He just prayed that he could keep her. Y/N L/N, the only woman to have wormed her way into his heart and made a home there.

When they first met, Kakashi and Y/N, she cursed him for being such a weirdo. Apparently his mind was empty and his heart was seemingly full of sand. He was conditioned that way, and that is how he lived for the longest time. It wasn't a surprise for him to hear that.

But she thought it was stranger than anything she'd ever seen, and so she followed him. She would figure him out, bring him back down to Earth from his supposed high horse. That woman was determined, and frankly he didn't mind her being around. She was quiet enough that it didn't matter. Not to mention on the missions they had together, she was quite the partner.

Over time, she'd learned to read him like a book. It was part of her clan's kekkei genkai. The ultimate empath, I suppose. The ability to read a persons every single emotion and then turn that, if they so choose, into power.

She was never the greatest fighter, but her negotiation skills were the best they could possibly be. She would dive into the emotions of another and manipulate them backwards and forwards to get what she wanted.

It was overwhelming, walking into a room of people and immediately being bombarded with so many feelings coming at her all at once. Occasionally, if the situation was bad enough she'd have to take a seat and clear her mind, organizing each person in her mind like a filing cabinet of empathy.

But damn, did she try to weasel out every bit of feeling she could. It was just something that came so naturally, she couldn’t help but instigate whatever was brewing up inside him.

"Kakashi, if you're happy, you know you're allowed to express it. You don't have to hide it away," she told him, staring at the masked man sitting across from her at the table. He was watching as she sharpened her kunai, and she could feel the content running off his body in small bursts. He was feeling better. Better than he had in a little while. Of course she picked up on it.

He sighed, rolling his eyes. She was always reading him, he knew that. He just preferred when she refrained from mentioning it. It did, most times, feel like a bit of an invasion of privacy, how she could deep dive into the corners of his mind. There were things no one else could ever possibly know that she did. It was strange, but he was used to it.

"What? Want me to smile or something?"

"No, but you should let yourself go. Just drop the facade."

"Stop doing that. Getting into my head."

Quietly, she set down her blade and picked up the next one, taking a cloth and softly wiping away any dirt. Her eyes slide up to his for a moment, her all knowing gaze filling his vision. "It's basically impossible. Especially if you're the only one around. There's nothing else to focus on except you." He knew that. It wasn't like she had an on or off switch. That was the downside of this dojutsu. Unlike sharingan and byakugan users, hers was always pulling the strings of her brain.

"You've got that mission next week. With Naruto and a few of the other kids, right?"

"Yes."

"It's A rank, isn't it?"

She hummed in agreement. He had a habit of knowing about all her missions, more importantly being the dangerous ones. He wasn't necessarily scared for her, probably not. He was more cautious than anything. There was this nagging feeling in his head that he shouldn't let her go on these missions alone. That it was too dangerous for her to handle.

But he was wrong. She was stronger than he thought, and could hold her own in battle. He was just a worrier. He'd just lost too many, seen too many bodies in front of his eyes to trust. God, he wanted to trust her, but he couldn't. She was too vulnerable. His friend, one of the only ones who hadn't died yet. For all he knew, her days numbered, that's how paranoid he was about everything.

"You'll be careful?"

"That's a silly question." He gave her a look that said he was more serious than anything, and she sighed. "Of course I'll be careful. I have people that would miss me if I wasn't." He was one of them. She could sense his fear whenever she said goodbye and his relief when she returned. He really tried to remain objective, but his heart said otherwise.

And she would be a liar to say that she did not experience the same relief seeing him come home from missions, even if he was beaten and bruised to the bone, she was just happy he made it back. So many never got to come home. It was a sick world, they lived in, but she could relish in the little comforts.

"Don't worry about me. I'll always turn out fine. It's you and your dumb students we have to worry about."

"I hear you. Those kids are enough to drive a person mad." He rested his chin in his palm, the mere thought of those kids causing his blood pressure to rise.

"Thankfully my students never gave me any trouble. Sweet little things."

"Well, aren't you just lucky, Y/N?"

"What can I say? Kurenai and I got the luck of the draw with our students. You men had it rough, I have to admit," she laughed. It was funny that he was so unfortunate to have gotten assigned the Uchiha and the Uzumaki, two completely opposite but persistent forces. "Despite your perverted tendencies and your perpetual lateness, you still did a great job teaching them."

"Thanks. But do you really have to call me a pervert? I'm really not."

"Yeah? That explains why you read porn in public. Admit you're a pervert, you dumb old man."

"We're the same age-" he began to argue, but she just cut him off with her harsh words.

"Creep," she muttered, running the sharpening stone along her blade. He narrowed his eyes. She was being awfully annoying, and he knew she could sense his irritation building up. Yet she continued just to be a pain in the ass.

He warned, "Hey. Watch it, L/N."

"Okay, okay, I'll stop...Pervert." She ducked her head when his hand reached out to wring her around the neck for being so frustrating, and she continued to laugh. It was nice, having a friend she could joke with and be around without having to worry about what she said. He might pretend to be mad, but she could feel the happiness still rolling off his body thickly under all that fake neutrality.

He was happier than he'd been in a long while, and she found herself swelling with pride knowing that she might have helped make that happen. Her lips curled into the gentlest of smiles as she peered back up at him, and he found himself smiling back even if it was just through the mask.

He swore in that moment, he'd make sure Y/N didn't end up like all the others. She would live. He'd break this wretched curse just for her. He was sure of it.

______

"How could you be so reckless?! Do you want to die?" Kakashi shouted at his friend who could only stand there angrily, arms crossed over her chest and one foot in the other direction. She didn't need to be lectured by someone who took just as many risks every single mission as she did.

"Kakashi, I really don't want to hear it. You have no idea how it went."

"Yeah but Naruto does, and we were just talking."

She placed her free hand over her chest and exclaimed even angrier than before, "You're going to trust a kid over me? Naruto even?" It was just low to trust Naruto when she was right there to explain herself. Just let her speak for once, she wanted to say but he of course, had something else to say.

He waved his arm toward the ramen shop, eyes glaring. "Don’t be rude. He's right there. What is wrong with you?"

Indeed, Naruto was sitting inside Ichiraku with Jiraiya at his side, munching on pork ramen while the pair fought outside. Kakashi was eating with them, taking a break from his work to just relax with his master and student when out of the corner of his eye he noticed Y/N stumbling down the street on her crutch.

He heard when she got back home that she was in the infirmary for a couple days. He had no idea for what reason until Naruto explained to him what happened. She was being needlessly reckless on the battlefield, relying too much on her kekkei genkai and not enough on her brain. She threw herself right in the way of an enemy, for what reason, he didn't know. All he knew was that she could have died and she didn't seem to care one bit.

Rightfully so, he was mad. Normally he preferred not to make a scene in the open like this, but there wasn't anyone else around and he was red-hot.

She huffed. "He knows I don't mean anything bad by that. How could he not? I'm also his sensei, you know."

"Doesn't matter," Kakashi brushed off her words. "What you did was dangerous and you don't seem to care. Next time what are you gonna do? Run right into the arms of the enemy?"

"No, I would never. Kakashi, you're just being a jerk right now. I'm literally injured from the hip down and you have to yell at me? Jeez, just be grateful I'm alive, okay? Things happen," she tried to reason with him, but he didn't acknowledge it. He wasn't exactly feeling all that rational.

"Things don't just happen like that."

She groaned, "Well apparently they do, because it happened to me."

His eye narrowed and she noticed the way he clenched and unclenched his fists a couple times by his sides. Clearly he was just trying to channel his anger, but he really had no reason to be so upset. She hadn't done anything to him. He really needed to relax. "This is so like you L/N's. Always so emotional. Always thinking you're stronger than you actually are."

"Excuse you-"

"Get a grip, you aren't going to live forever."

"First off, don't interrupt me. Second, don't talk about my clan ever again, you hear me, Hatake? We don't live to please your dumbass," she cursed, how dare he say shit about her clan. That asshole. He was just being so...so unlike himself. She had no idea what had gotten into him, but she hated it and just wanted to continue on her way before he said something else stupid.

Normally, she didn't expect to be bombarded in the street nearly the second she leaves the hospital, but Kakashi never fails to surprise her.

"I've got to go. Don't bother following me." With that, she took off past him, rushing as fast as she could on her crutch, which was pathetically slow. Silently, she cringed at how ridiculous she must look waddling around like this in a fit of rage. Nevermind that. She had better things to do.

He huffed out the breath he had been holding to walk back into the ramen shop, taking his seat beside Naruto and slouching down into the stool. Immediately, Master Jiraiya met his eyes, wisdom about to drip from his tongue once again. "You need to go apologize."

"Why? She clearly doesn't want that right now."

"Well, to start, you insulted her clan which is a big no-no. Imagine saying that to an Uchiha. You're lucky she let you off so easily."

"Yeah, Kakashi. You kinda just attacked her out there in the street," Naruto added.

Jiraiya continued, "Mainly though, the longer you let her stay angry, the worse it'll be for you in the end. Trust me."

"She said don't follow her."

"And you're actually going to listen?" The older man laughed. "You and her fighting reminded me a lot of young Tsunade and I. And let me tell you, you don't just let a woman like that go. I sure did. It’s not a fun time."

"Yeah, Kakashi sensei, go find Y/N."

The jounin stood from his stool and slapped a ramen voucher onto the counter top to pay for his meal. This really didn't seem like a good idea, he had to admit. But he would trust the process. This was the author of his favorite romance series, after all. How could he get something like this wrong? To put blind faith into Jiraiya on realistic romantic matters was probably the not the wisest thing to do, but it was the only thing he had to go on. "I'll go, but this doesn't sound like good advice."

"If you let this go, she's might run into the arms of another man for comfort. Do you want that?"

Tch, there was no way she was gonna do that. She barely had any friends. If anything she would go see Kurenai. Still, he pulled back the cloth at the entrance and muttered, "I gotta catch up to her."

"'Atta boy," Jiraiya cheered, waving off the copy nin. "Another bowl, Naruto?"

"Yes, please!"

Kakashi walked down the streets, looking for the woman he was sent on a mission to find and apologize to. He searched through the shops and the stands for her, walked by her apartment no sign of her. It wasn't until he stumbled by the bookstore that he found her eyeing down the display out front, leaning comfortably on her crutch.

"Y/N," he called to her, and he watched as she tensed up without a second. He caught up to her, walking to stand beside her in front of the store windows. "I need to talk to you."

"What do you want?" She questioned, peering over at him with a quirked brow. He seemed calmed down by now. Thankfully. "Also, didn't I tell you not to follow me?"

"You did, but Jiraiya told me to apologize."

"So this isn't even on your own accord, you're doing it because Jiraiya told you so." He groaned. Of course she would twist his words and find some way to make things bad on his end. She was angry with him, what did he expect to happen? Her to accept him with open arms?

"Listen, I'm sorry for yelling at you. I was just overwhelmed."

"With what? I wasn't paying attention to anything but the anger." She picked at her finger nails in an attempt to remain casual, but really she was just itching to hear what he had to say. She was willing to give him a second chance, only because he was normally so sweet. This was just out of character for him.

He replied, "I was scared for you. Naruto told me about how you nearly died, and I was upset that you did that. I was upset because I could only think about what if you had been overpowered and the enemy killed you." His explanation was weak, but he hoped she would accept it as truth. He really wasn't lying. When he heard she was in the hospital indefinitely, he nearly had a heart attack himself. He worried for her every time she left on a mission without him. It just meant that if she failed, he wasn't there to protect her himself. He couldn't handle that thought.

"So you were worried?"

"Yes."

"Well, that's sweet of you, isn't it?"

"I'd miss you, you know. If you died."

She froze. That wasn't what she expected him to say. When she looked over at him, he was just staring into the storefront window, but she could feel the sadness in waves running off his body. She wobbled around on her crutch to face him, a hand getting coming up to rest on his shoulder. "It's okay."

"I don't want you going on missions without me because every time it scares the shit out of me thinking they'll bring you back dead. Every time. I don't know why."

"It's normal to worry for your teammates."

"It's not the same, and you know it."

"Ah." And she felt it. Even if it was just a little hint of something, she felt his infatuation roll off his body and she took it in like a drink of cold water. So refreshing. Was he attracted to her? She had no idea before this that he cared so much but from the sound of it, he had some strong feelings attached. She wanted to reach out and hug him, tell him it was going to be okay, but that felt too personal. Instead, she leant back and muttered, "You know, Kakashi, I worry about you too."

"It's good we both have someone who cares, right?"

"Right."

"Well, I should be on my way, but, uh, if you need some help getting up to your apartment-"

"I should be fine."

"Okay, good."

"Yeah, so uh, see you," she turned on her heel and started heading in the other direction toward her home when suddenly, his hand reached out to stop her.

"Wait, Y/N. I think..."

"What is it?"

"It's just that I need you. Please be careful from now on."

She stopped, turning around just enough to get a good look at his face. He only watched her, a glimmer of something she didn't recognize in his eye.

"As long as you take care of yourself too, Mister."

"Y/N, I…"

All she could feel was a rough fabric rubbing against her face for a second before the full picture came into view.

Mask to lips. I repeat, mask to lips.

She stared at him, as he kissed her right there in front of their favorite bookstore. When he pulled away after a second, he seemed just as shocked as she was. She pressed a hand to her forehead and struggled to find the right words to say.

Kakashi Hatake just kissed her.

And she definitely liked it. More than any other kiss she’d ever had before. She loved it. Mask or not, that was one of the best surprises of her entire life, and she honestly had no idea how to react. She settled for the easiest possible thing, running in the opposite direction, give herself time to think over what that meant for the two of them if anything at all. Kakashi wasn’t the type to have a girlfriend, he was always single. There just wasn’t room in his life for her.

There was plenty room in her life to fit him in comfortably. And there was more than enough room in her bed as well.

Flustered, with heat coming to sit in her cheeks and run up her neck, she turned and motioned in the direction of her home. She just had too many thoughts to sit here and pretend she wasn’t dying inside from the tension.

"I've got to run home now," she managed to say. "Well, not run, with these crutches and all, but you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I should be going too. I'll see you around,” he mumbled, running his hand through his hair and down the back of his neck.

"See you."

And into separate directions they went, just as confused as ever.

______

"Kakashi, I swear to God, if you don't stay on your side of the bed, I'm gonna-

"You'll what? Hit me? Go ahead. You're the one that keeps snoring."

"Shut up!" she exclaimed, rolling over in the bed and planting her fist directly in the middle of his chest. He didn't even flinch, she hadn't meant to hurt him anyway. She was just so annoyed. You would think that the stoic Hatake would be easy to sleep beside but no, he was a pain in the ass. He was rude. He was way too hot under the sheets. He still smelled like dog even after taking a bath. Just overall a bad experience, definitely 0 out of 10.

"What? It's the truth."

She groaned, throwing one of her arms over her eyes, burying her nose in the crook of her elbow. "Whatever. Don't ever mention my snoring again. It’s embarrassing me." She was self-conscious. She was usually so good at maintaining a cool and calm presence and now Kakashi was seeing that all crumble. Great.

"Fine."

"Can't you just stay on your side so we can both sleep comfortably?"

"Can't you just stop snoring so I can sleep comfortably?"

What a bastard. She could practically feel him snickering beneath his mask, and she felt frustration bubbling up in her chest. He was annoying. The audacity of this man, laughing and causing trouble in the night when they clearly had a mission to continue tomorrow. She could actually feel the delight radiating off his form.

She jumped up from her spot and threw herself onto the man beside her, attempting to make a vicious grab for the throat so she could maybe shut him up for just a few seconds. He dodged easily, taking her wrists in his calloused hand and lowering them to rest on his chest. Still, he continued to laugh at her. She felt like an utter joke sitting there on his stomach, looking at him through loose strands of her hair.

She grumbled under her breath, her cheeks puffing out full of embarrassment, "Stupid."

"Me? Stupid? Look at you."

She replied swiftly, "What about me? You're the one with that ugly grin on your face." Quickly, she snatched her hands out from under his to cross her arms over her chest. She rocked back a bit on her knees to get a better look at his indeed ugly face.

Except he definitely wasn't ugly, and that grin was more devilishly handsome than anything else. And honestly, she felt herself starting to get flustered in the position she'd put herself in. Of course she didn't hate Kakashi. He was one of her friends and coworkers. It was just that sometimes he could be casually attractive and she found herself falling under his spell.

He just looked so fucking good lying there, staring up at her with a glimmer in his dark eyes. She could see the smile outlined under his mask. His hands had felt warm and firm around her own fingers. She missed his touch, there she said it, any touch on her body from Kakashi Hatake felt like heaven. He was far too cute, and the soft contact between them drove her crazy.

She wanted to punch herself for thinking such silly things. This was Kakashi, one of her frenemies. Not boyfriend material. Stupid. Silly.

If only he didn't look so good, Jesus christ. Get your brain out of the gutter, Y/N.

Little did she know, his mind was already waist deep in those damn gutters and he was loving it.

"You really think that?"

"What? That you're ugly?" She asked, tilting her head to the side just a bit as if to think about it. Only a second later, another mischievous smile crossed her lips. "Of course."

He lifted his fingers to slid along her waist and down to her hips, fingers curling ever so slightly around her curves. She shuddered as his hands slid down to hold the sides of her bare thighs in his hands, his warm, strong hands with the softest fingertips. She wanted to die.

Had they kissed before? Yes. We're they somewhat romantically involved? Maybe. Did that give him any good reason to rest his rough hands on her thighs like that? Probably, and her thoughts were running a mile a minute at this point.

"Kakashi...stop that," she said softly, her voice lowering from how it was before. She suddenly felt a lot smaller, scared even. Hooking up with Kakashi wasn't something she planned on doing anytime in the near future, if at all. He was her friend, and she felt strange sitting in his lap with his hands all over her. It felt so right but wrong at the same time, like she was breaking the law. Well, laws of friendship that is.

She cared about Kakashi, more than she wanted to admit. He wasn't just a friend, he was something weirdly in between and she couldn't exactly put her finger on how she felt about him. All she knew was that if she was going to have sex with this man, it would be the right way. They would have to date first. She wasn't just gonna sleep around this time. He was different.

She wanted to impress him, to make him smile and laugh, to take him out to dinner and hold hands on their way home, to kiss at her doorstep. She wanted all of that before any of this.

His hands dropped from her sides and she crawled away from him, grabbing her blanket and cradling herself in it. "Listen, Y/N, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"I know, it's not your fault. Don't worry about it."

It was quiet. Just the sounds of both their breaths filling the air and the crickets chirping in the darkness outside. She shifted in her blanket to rest her head on the wall, leaning against it with her shoulder. He remained on his back, staring up at the empty ceiling tiles.

It was now so terribly awkward. Thanks, Y/N.

Finally, he broke the silence. "You, uh, don't snore all that much. I was just teasing you."

"Thanks," she exhaled. "You're not as ugly as I said."

"I know."

Wow, Kakashi. So modest.

Her words fell right into place as she spoke, emotions slipping out with each breath. She looked at his profile in the dark, the way his bedhead stood on end, his nose pointed upward and his lips sat calmly, the curve of his chin under the edge of his mask, the way his eyes just sat there unmoving and gentle, brows soft above the eye. She took in all of him as she confessed, "I just don't want it to be like this. I don't want to fall for you this way."

"I get it."

"I just think that you and I could be something different. You're not like the other guys to me, at least, I don't think of you that way," she took a deep breath. He still stared deep in the ceiling, and somehow it made her comfortable enough to confess everything she'd been feeling. It was as if he could just lay there and listen without words forever. "I don't want you to just fuck me before we really...well I don't know, we've never even been on a date. I...I think I'm ready to fall in love with you."

"Then let's do it."

She peered over at him, lips agape with surprise. She hadn't expected much at all, but certainly not that. "What?"

"When we get back to the village, I'll take you on a date, more if things go well. We can take it as slow as you want," he told her, turning to lay on his side, facing her. He watched as she cuddled further into the comforter, only a peek of her face in his view. She was actually kinda cute through all those worn and torn layers. "I don't think I can let you go this time."

"Really?"

"Anything for you."

She ducked her head down to stare at the hardwood beneath her feet. She was overwhelmed by how nice he was being. Normally, it didn't go like this. Things normally got sexual so quick there wasn't even a chance for these sorts of conversations. It was just different with Kakashi. She could say no to him and expect better, because she knew he could deliver. "No one has ever treated me like this before."

He smiled. "Well, it's about time someone did."

"Can you hold me?"

"Come on." He lifted his arm up with the covers attached so she could crawl over and burrow herself next him, tucked right against his side. He rested his arm around her shoulders and held her close to his chest. Things were looking good for the both of them. Better than they had in a long time.

He wished this kind of thing could last forever. The beating of her heart, the laughter in her voice, the shine in her eyes. He just wished he could have bottled it all up and held it close to him for the rest of his life.

But he waited too long, and the opportunity slipped from his grasp.

______

The pair fought hard. Kakashi was better than her, everyone knew that. The enemy targeted her for that reason. It was clear as day that she was important to Kakashi, and the enemy quickly caught onto that. He was quick to bring the knife to her neck, pressing the woman’s back tightly to his chest. The blade stung her skin, already piercing the flesh from the bit of pressure he applied.

She cried out, feeling a trail of blood begin running down her neck. Her nails clawed at his arm, desperate to get him to release her from his clutches, but he persisted. One hand held onto her chin tightly, keeping her face from thrashing, and the other continued to apply more and more pressure into the blade.

For the first time in a long time, she found herself feeling unrestricted fear. She was scared. Scared for her life. She’d never been in this situation before, feeling so completely and utterly helpless like a deer caught in the headlights. Kakashi was right there, she should have known everything was going to be okay. After all, she had the village’s strongest veteran on her side.

It wasn’t the pain that caused the tears to bubble up in the corners of her eyes, no, it was Kakashi. The way his eyes darted over to the them, and she could feel his heart beginning to race, the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end, and the fear creeping up into his heart. He never wore his heart on his sleeve. He was so closed off, sometimes she could only get a wisp of emotion from him, especially the ones that showed such vulnerability.

Now it all seemed to come tumbling out like a landslide. She was drowning in fear, his and her own.

“Let her go,” he called out, practically pleading with the man across from him, but it was in vain.

“Like I’d listen to some filthy leaf shinobi,” the spy replied angrily. He felt so hot, burning up with so much anger she wanted to throw up. What had they done to upset him this badly? Her jaw was starting to ache from being held so tightly, and she swore she could taste blood running down her throat. This was bad. This was so terribly, miserably bad.

Kakashi stood there, his hands hovering at his sides, unknowing of what to do. She was already bleeding out all over the collar of her shirt. If he made a single move, the man could easily finish the job with one fatal swipe. The copy nin felt cornered. Hopeless. What was there left to do? He’d let the love of his life fall in the hands of some petty criminal.

Come on, think of something. Anything. Just think of something.

“What? You upset I’ve got your little girlfriend here?”

God, he was so desperate. The man taunting him didn’t help at all. He just felt himself spiralling deeper into hopelessness. He bargained, “Please, just let her go. I’ll give you whatever you want.”

It wouldn’t work though. This man was set in his ways, and there was no changing that. He came into this fight knowing exactly what he wanted to do. And he was going to finish the job.

“This is for what you shinobi have done to my people,” he sneered before she felt the knife dip further into her neck, sliding painfully across her throat. He dropped her head from his grasp, and as soon as he had, her body crumbled down to the ground. She collapsed in a bleeding heap on the dirt.

The criminal quickly ran into the forest behind them, getting lost among the trees and the bushes within seconds. None of that mattered though. Kakashi could only run over to her limp body lying there on the ground, sputtering and coughing on thick blood filling her throat and lungs. Her cheeks and lips painted red now from spitting so much up. He fell to his knees beside her body, and for the first time in a long time, he felt a tear drip down his face.

She cried, hot tears running down her cheeks into the dirt on either side of her head. She cried for her pathetic self, having been attacked and injured in this way. She cried for Kakashi, feeling the pain and sadness, the panic, radiating off his form. She took in every emotion he was feeling, wanting to savor being with him for as long as she had, to fully take him in one last time.

“Y/N, it’s gonna be okay,” he whispered, his hands running over her hair and cheek, smearing blood on her skin and his fingers. “We’ll bring you back to the village. The Hokage can fix you.” His words were so soft into the air, like if he spoke any louder he would hurt her.

They both knew that none of what he was saying was true. She was as good as dead.

She lifted her hand weakly to sit on his other hand. “I…” The woman took a labored breath.. “Love you, Kashi.”

“No, no, no. Don’t say that,” he hushed her, feeling his heart grow heavier in his chest with every second that passed, every look at her bloody neck and face, her laboring chest as she took hopeless breaths. He was falling apart in this moment, desperate for fate to change, for her to magically be better. He choked, “You can’t die, Y/N.”

“It’s okay.” Her words were slurred and hard to hear, liquid bubbling up in her throat to the point she was almost incomprehensible. “I love you,” she confessed once again. She wanted those to be her last ever words to him, the words he would remember for the rest of his life. To know someone out there loved him more than anything else.

He had to know that he was her everything. He was the best thing that ever happened to her, and she was going to miss him so terribly wherever her soul went after this. She just wished there was more time to tell him everything she felt. Yet, time was passing faster than she thought, and all those words felt impossible.

“I love you, too. You have to live for me. Just keep breathing, it's going to be okay.”

“It...hurts.”

More misery erupted his chest, and he found himself wanting to scream. Tears dripped steadily down both his cheeks now as he watched this woman die in front of him, one of the only people he truly needed in his life. “I know, baby, I know. I’m sorry I let this happen to you.”

She nodded faintly, her eyes beginning to close. He was starting to panic. Was this his last moment to say goodbye? Their time together was so short, how was this fair? He’d already lost everyone he ever cared about, and now this? He felt like the gods were laughing down at him and his misfortune.

“You were the best thing that ever happened to me. I don’t know how I’ll do this without you.”

She didn’t respond, but she was still breathing.

“Y/N, please.”

And he watched as her chest fell still and her labored breaths were silent on his ears. He found himself gathering her form up against his chest, her head cradled in the crook of his neck, just sobbing into her hair, weeping for a long lasting love gone in an instant.

He carried her body home that day himself. Something he never anticipated happening, but should have prepared for. He always thought he was going to watch as someone else carried her home to him, death long gone before he had the chance to see. He never thought it would be right in front of him. He thought he could protect her, save her from the clutches of fate. He was so wrong.

Kakashi was alone once again.

#kakashi x reader #kakashi hatake #naruto x reader #x reader #naruto #kakashi imagine #kakashi fanfic #kakashi one shot #naruto imagine #naruto oneshot #naruto fanfic #oneshot #fanfic #imagine #kakashi hatake x reader #kakashi x you

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dis-weird-person · 3 years ago

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Accurate representations of my first reactions to each Harry Potter book.

Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone:

Aw look he’s so cute and tiny and he has little friends and OH SHIT DID HERMIONE SET SNAPE ON FIRE?! YES!

Who tf Kills unicorns? WHO THE FUCK LETS KIDS GO INTO DANGEROUS FORESTS WITH ONLY A DOG FOR PROTECTION?

Harry... I think maybe a giant dog is a pretty good reason not to stress over a shiny rock.

...Wait it was Quirrell all along?

Why does the dude have two faces tf?

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets:

look there’s little Ginny and my god I fucking hate the Dursleys!

House elf? I want a House elf!

Fuck this Lockhart guy.

Why did Harry never think to mention he could talk to snakes though?

Why are you arresting my guy Hagrid? That seems sketchy.

Oh of course I’ll slide down a big slide in the girls toilets because I’m fucking Harry Potter and why not.

WHY THE HELL IS THERE A BIG ASS SNAKE IN THE SCHOOL?! WHAT THE FUCK WAS SALAZAR SLYTHERIN THINKING?

So your telling me a twelve year old who only has two years of knowledge on the wizarding world was the first person to work out what the beast in the chamber of secrets was?

Imma never get a diary again. ( I did, in fact, get a diary again )

GO DOBBY!

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Fuck Aunt Marge and her crazy dog. Blow her up Harry.

No but how many students have fallen over at Hogwarts and accidentally summoned the night bus? How many wizards in general have fallen over in their own homes and summoned the bus?

I’m getting major evil vibes about this Sirius guy.

Yes. Snape is being sketchy again and so is Lupin.

We all remember that one kid who forgot their permission form on the day of a school excursion and couldn’t come, right? Poor Harry.

Fuck what’s an animagus?

Fuck he’s a werewolf.

Fuck the rats not a rat, Scabbers how could you?

FUCK SNAPE.

Omg is this Harry getting a proper guardian?!

Nope.

ooh time travel! Question, why are we saving the bird? Oop nvmd.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Okie so something just killed someone I’m getting major dark vibes rn.

Harry’s scar is hurting?! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!

Quidditch cups? Hmm. Seems boring. WHO THE HELL BRINGS PEACOCKS TO A SPORT EVENT-

WHAT IS THE DARK MARK?

WHY ARE WE BLAMING WINKY?

THERE’S MORE THAN ONE WIZARDING SCHOOL?

SIRIUS IS LIVING IN A CAVE? TF HAPPENED TO HIS OLD FRIEND LUPIN?

So... we just gonna let a fourteen year old compete in a deadly tournament? yep.. okay.. of course, it’s Harry so ig it’s alright...

Dragons-

MERMAIDS- TF U RUINED MY CHILDHOOD JKR!

I HATE RITA SKEETER

......

[Doesn’t read Harry Potter for 3 months after Cedric dies. In fact, doesn’t even finish the book for ages]

[Continues to live in a world where Cedric is not dead]

Voldemort is... WHAT DOES THIS MEAN...

baRTY CROUCH JR.

WHAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaT?

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Fuck Dudley - why tf are there dementors

Fuck Vernon. Fuck Petunia. FUCK THE DURSLEYS.

Fuck the Ministry.

This is shit. FUCK EVERYONE - oh hello Luna kid who sees apparently invisible dead horse.

Yea Fuck Umbridge.

Harry... you’re too young to start child armies...

You can do better than Cho! Like, Hermione, this Luna kid, Ron’s sister... Ever though abt being gay?

Who the hell is Marietta Edgecomb?

Harry, seeing visions = not good sign.

Aww my god Neville is so traumatised... Hullo Lockhart no one likes you goodbye

HAHA SUCKS TO BE YOU UMBITCH

...

Harry, look at your past! DON’T GO TO THE MINISTRY FOR THE LOVE OF- well shit he went anyway.

Wow. Sirius isn’t here what a surprise.

Tf is Malfoys dad doing here?

Bellatrix???!!?!?!

The order is here to save the day!

[it was at this moment that the book was thrown onto the road for a car to run over - quite literally, i am not joking. I threw it outside and had to buy a new copy to finish it.]

[Again, continues living in world where musty curtains do not kill you]

Wow Dumbledore so glad you told us this before - OH WAIT

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

Honestly Harry should be depressed rn like I am. Sirius did didn’t die.

Secret lessons?

People can turn into couches now...

Omg no the ice cream man :(

SNAPE AS DEFENCE NOOO

What happened to your hand Dumby?

Draco is sus

this book is sus. Harry, did Riddles diary teach you nothing?

God Voldys backstory is DEEP.

oh no Aragog :(

HARRY NO- DOn’T TEST OUT RANDOM SPELLS WHILE PEOPLE ARE CRYING IN THE BATHROOM TF! HAVE SOME EMPATHY

oh no Ron is poisoned - Haha Lavendar you just got ditched - thank god Harry had that book afterall.

Why are we going into dark caves no no no no

Whaaaaaaaaaaat

WhAATTTTTTTTTTTT?

DON’T DRINK IT DUMBY-

TF ARE INFERI-

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT

DRACO-

SNAPE-

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT

GEHBFKEBKWBHFBK

[at this point in time I put all my focus into finding an astronomy tower to yeet my book off just as Snape had done to Dumbledore.]

[lol I actually just needed therapy - not kidding, i’m very emotional and it was a rough time. My therapist hated me though because I spoiled the book soo...]

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Yes because pretending to be Harry is suck a great idea

George :(

MAD-EYE-

HEDWIG-

[My therapist once again hated me for spoiling Hedwigs very traumatic death]

Wow Dumbledore really knows how to fuck with people after death...

Mrs Weasley wtf

I find it hard to believe Fleur didn’t throw hands with the death eaters after they crashed her wedding

Going on the run Going on the run

Horcruxes!

Omg poor Kreacher :(

Oh fuck Umbitch again.

Fuck Ron.

Fuck Bathilda Bagshot who really isn’t Bathilda Bagshot.

Wait nvmd Ron is forgiven.

Fuck Lovegood

aw poor Luna :(

HAHA STUFF YOU PETER!

OMG DOBBY!

[My therapist - Belinda - did, in fact, hate me. I can confirm.]

OMG A BABY REMUS YAS

I. HATE. GOBLINS.

ooh a dragon ride.

okie we break into Hogwarts :)

Oh Dumby’s brother - I have come to realise that Dumbledore is an well, I’ll curve the language...

Snape-

FRED-

REMUS-

TOnkS-

YOU HAD a baBY!

[it took me about half a year to gain the courage to finish the books]

[Belinda resigned. I think it was probably my fault. She started crying when I told her Remus died, I became the therapist that day]

#the cursed child doesn't exist #every single part of this is true

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alchemist-shizun · 5 years ago

Text

Anagnorisis

(AU belongs to @pistachiolan. Check the notes for more info!)

ἁναγνώρισις: Sudden and unexpected recognizing of the identity of a character in tragedies or other written works, which often determines the turning point in a story. (Latin: Agnitio)

Merry super extra late Christmas aaand at this point this can count as a happy new year gift? I've been literally working on this since last decade, this is some dedication. I hope you like it Lan!! Lov u

Read on Ao3!

Word Count: 3,812

Characters: Roman, Virgil (Patton and Logan are mentioned), Thomas

Pairing(s): pre-Prinxiety

Warning(s): Migraine (and its symptoms), implied mind control, self-harm, crying, implied panic attack, some metaphors might be a bit graphic, please tell me if I missed anything!

Summary: Roman couldn't remember exactly when all of that had started. What he was sure of was that as soon as it begun, all the happenings before became … hazy. He would start to forget specks of time, details, people. And then came the headaches.

Song used: Once Upon A Dream from Sleeping Beauty

A/N: I now have Once Upon a Dream stuck in my head. I like to call this "let me just take all the creative liberties I can get and distort everything about the plot". Okay I have no clue if this is at all the idea you had in mind so I improvised thanks to the lyrics, I hope this isn't too far off? Either way, enjoy the angst and these two pining boys cause I sure as hell had a good time. To all my regular readers: you have no idea what’s coming. (Don’t forget to check out @pistachiolan’s profile for their fantastically marvellous au which you can find in their blog under the #TsCultAu tag) The poem Roman recites is a rough translation I did of Catullus's 48th carmen (had a book of his poems and ended up using my fav ofc). The narrated parts in cursive are either thoughts or past events, the parts in cursive and bold are the song lyrics.

✾

❝I'm in love with a fairytale, even though it hurts.

Cause I don't care if I lose my mind,

I'm already cursed ❞

I know you!

A hand flew to Roman's face, which was contorting with unwelcome pain he hadn't seen coming, before he could even register it was his own.

His fingers pressed on a spot between his eyes and the bridge of his nose, his skin wrinkled around them and he had to steady himself against the rocky wall that led to the dungeons.

The dungeons.

Roman attempted to take a look at the stairs he was on: he was met with a flash, or maybe they were multiple flashes, attacking his vision like sharp blades diving into your skin numerous times, one right after the other.

He was blinded.

Eyes closed again, a whimper came out of his mouth; his free hand found its way to his forehead, getting warmer by the second along with his face, then it slid through his hair, barely able to feel its texture.

Too much of a recurring sensation.

Roman couldn't remember exactly when all of that had started. What he was sure of was that as soon as it begun, all the happenings before became … hazy. He would start to forget specks of time, details, people.

And then came the headaches. When he forced himself to remember or clear the discordance in his memories, pain would come.

Oh, come on Roman, his head would reprimand, didn't you learn by now you shouldn't do that?

Headaches turned into fully-fledged migraines.

And hallucinations.

At least that was what he called them. He would be certain of events that had never taken place.

For instance, dungeons.

Roman had been walking down the path leading to them when his mind started to drift away: it happened the same way you look at an object and a memory hits you before its meaning.

For some reason, he remembered being there with Virgil in the past, they had conversations about carvings in the back of the furthest cell, which became the symbol of a legend kids told to scare each other.

It was insane.

Insane his mind could ever fathom the possibility of interacting with Virgil.

Sure, his distress towards Virgil had diminished the more he'd been around without causing any trouble or suspicion, but a memory was a memory. They had yet to have a serious conversation that wasn't necessary, a memory meant they had already spent time alone together as if they had been childhood friends.

Doubt came in, but there had never been solid proof of Virgil himself being up to something, so he had decided to drop that theory.

Roman fell down, but didn't rise up like he usually did in conflicts.

The pulsing in his head made him nauseous; everything was spinning, even the void he was met with once his eyes were closed.

His arms went over his head, trying to shield it from any other malevolent deity that had decided to plague him.

It just all felt so real.

As if he had known Virgil all along.

I walked with you once upon a dream.

Months, months and still no sign of defeat.

Now, who the hell was thinking that messing up with Roman's brain was a fun activity to spend time with?

Even his subconscious had to shove him further down the hole confusion had created: his dreams often displayed all too familiar situations, all too familiar events he knew he had been in, but with that one particular difference in them.

Virgil was present in every single one of them.

It made him lose his mind, so much that he was barely able to bear his sight anymore. He'd feel somewhat embarrassment, he'd turn away after a single glance, as if he had gotten burnt by it.

And then he'd never tear his gaze off of him because, gods of the Empyrean, that boy had to be up to something or else he had no idea where to begin to look for clues.

What a terrible mistake.

Instead, he ended up with the image of Virgil constantly occupying his mind, everywhere he went to, there wouldn't be a moment where his thoughts wouldn't drift away from his task and focus on him.

Daydreaming and migraines became one, distinguished only by the type of pain they caused. Emotional and physical.

Overthinking was his main daily pastime.

And what if his mind was actually trying to tell him something? Dreams often had meanings, so what was his subconscious up to exactly?

That was Roman's train of thought upon waking up from one of those fated dreams, the pounding in his head a visitor who had now become a close friend.

Only thing he was sure of, was that what he had to concentrate on was the fact that it involved Virgil. He tried to recall all of his past hallucinations, all the fake memories, trying to connect the dots between them.

If only he had Logan's skills, he would've had cleared it up in a second. Of course, this one thought was something he was never going to admit and that he would have willingly taken to his grave.

Going into detail was a mess, all the events that had displayed in his mind or in front of his eyes had no correlation whatsoever; so he started looking at the big picture, put labels onto what he remembered.

Those memories. They were all … happy. Carefree little quotidian life bites.

And he felt serene, something that had to be ruined by the massive physical pain. His thoughts told him to stay in those memories, to hold onto them the longest he could, to endure the constant aching so he could stay that additional moment.

It was another him, another Roman who was desperately trying to catch his past and bring it back to himself.

Present Roman wouldn't have been able to perceive that conclusion.

Actually, present Roman was currently losing his mind.

Because just what if what he hadn't realized by then was exactly what he had been focusing on all along?

Feelings. Feelings for someone who had been infesting his thoughts ever since he had arrived.

I know you!

Roman was a knight walking around the village in a busy afternoon at the marketplace. One turn towards a figure in front of a stand, a few feet away, and he switched to distressed knight mode.

« You've got to be kidding me. »

Virgil kept himself from jumping in surprise and faced the owner of the voice right behind him. A single infuriating eyebrow was raised in confusion.

« Pardon me if I dare to show up and get Patton the stuff he needs. » everything was accompanied by a whispered “geez” and an eye-roll.

Again, infuriating.

« That's not- ugh, you're always putting words in my mouth! » Roman watched as Virgil started to walk away.

But he didn't sense the bitterness left in the boy's chest, the one he felt every single time their conversations resulted into senseless bickering.

Then, it happened again.

Virgil stood next to the fountain and Roman's head started spinning.

The way the sun rays hit the water, glimmering in delight, the sparkles that reflected onto Virgil's clothes, the sound it made when he quickly passed a hand through the small cascade.

Dumbfounded, the knight approached him again, searching the scene with his eyes for even the smallest clue to prove him either right or wrong, he simply wanted to get it over with.

Of course, the other noticed his staring. « Like what you see? » Virgil jokingly asked, a hint of sarcasm never leaving his voice.

Yeah, I'm trying to figure that out. Roman stayed silent for another second.

« Are you going to walk back? »

« I don't have a carriage, I apologize. »

He sighed and wondered if he really was considering having feelings for such a … a-

Virgil chuckled right after, ducking his head toward his hand, which shielded his smile.

Gosh, he was gorgeous.

Roman fought a peculiar instinct to pull the hand away and let the whole world be blessed by such a sight. And maybe it was the first time he had smiled like that in his presence, maybe it was the first time after so long of not being able to do that.

Maybe it wasn't the first time at all and Virgil was simply a master at hiding it when Roman wasn't looking. When he didn't want him to realize the truth that could've hurt both of them in brutal ways.

« Well, » Roman snapped back to reality, trying to ignore the headache at best. « It just so happens that I have a horse. » he gestured to the beginning of the plaza.

« No, you don't. » a cryptic expression crossed Virgil's face.

« Wha- » Roman turned just that much to notice that, yes, his horse had definitely freed himself and was now on the loose around the village. « Oh my gods. Oh- Oh my gods. » his hands flew to his hair. « Nope. No. Absolutely unreal. This isn't happening. »

« Dramatic much? » Virgil approached the broken ladder still tied to a fence and started examining it.

« What are you doing? »

« Helping you. »

Roman was getting drunk by all the deja vus he had been getting that day.

Virgil showed him the direction in which the horse had run away, judging by what was left of the ladder. « He might be in his favourite spot. »

« Favourite spot? » his words felt almost slurred, like he had cotton in his mouth.

The other pretended he didn't notice how odd his behaviour had been for the past week. « You don't remember your horse's own routine? »

Roman didn't even know he had one.

After some sighs and an incredulous conversation, they reached a clearing in the woods, where the horse was promptly considering whether or not to swiftly jump and reach one of the fruits on the trees.

« Samson! Really, running off like that on me? »

The animal happily trotted towards them, resting his face against Roman's hand before facing Virgil and surprisingly nuzzling his cheek. For some reason, Samson had always taken a liking into Virgil, which had made it really difficult to interact with the boy in the past.

It was as if Virgil had been his best friend before he was Roman's.

Like he had known him for as long as they did too.

The headache hit his forehead once more.

The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam.

Relax time, Patton had called it.

Stressful weeks had been pestering Roman, Virgil and Logan, all for different reasons, yet there never seemed to be time to catch some breath.

Patton had insisted some untroubled hours at night, sat around a little welcoming fire, would have helped their constant stiffness.

So there they were, watching flames try to reach the sky and fail with every attempt.

Oddly enough, their conversations were … simple. Nothing too heavy, no bickering or sarcasm, some jokes but not an overbearing amount.

Roman had his eyes fixated on the fire.

The voices started to drift away from his hearing and everything became muffled as he zoned out, leaving space for the familiar buzzing of nightly insects.

« Earth to Roman, did the gods finally take you away? »

Of course he was sitting next to Virgil.

Of course his whispering would bring his attention back despite having ignored any other louder noise.

He turned his head slightly, his head was resting in his crossed arms on his knees.

« I wish. » he let it out before he could stop himself.

Virgil simply chuckled. « Same, but I don't think Pat would be too happy with that. » And some others, too.

He faced the fire and let its light reflect in his eyes.

Roman believed he could see the stars. « Mhm. »

Virgil seemed to ponder something, reflect on a decision; he could have stayed silent, he could have simply not indulged in a certain matter any further, because that would have costed his life. But he needed proof.

And so he spoke.

« You'll be fine, princey. None hates you here. »

There it was again. Virgil made his best not to immediately check his reaction, but he could see from the corner of his eye how Roman was already raising a hand to his head.

Okay, he thought, something is up.

He bit his lip and ignored the anguished feelings rising in his chest.

Yet I know it's true the visions are seldom all they seem.

Where did that even come from? Why did he call him that, why did it feel so normal as if he'd been used to it his entire life?

What was happening?

Why was his heart beating so fast as he replayed the scene in his head? With Virgil's eyes glimmering against the sky and that smile hidden in the dark.

Who dared to send him so deep in the admiration zone to forget about the continuous pain he was subjecting himself to while being around Virgil so much?

When exactly did he sign the “I will dedicate my existence to destroy myself in order to be around such a human” contract?

To think that months prior he would have called him monster.

Then again, what a peculiar word it was. A mixture or positive and negative meanings, it was the extraordinary, a prodigy, a miracle. That incredible thing that also presented itself as a heinous atrocity.

And it had devoured his mind.

Here he was, now, countless migraines after, finally accepting his feelings because he was at the last stop before having that nightmare finally end.

Except it didn't.

Except non-existent memories of him and Virgil in a past he had never experienced came back to him at once and stronger than before. He couldn't almost breathe and he had no idea where he was going.

But he needed to find Thomas.

Last resort, as they say. A literal deity would have solved the problem in the blink of an eye.

Right.

Thomas had a weird twinkle in his eyes when Roman explained how often he had been getting the headaches and what was the recurrent situation the dreams displayed.

He made him sit down somewhere … he was too clouded by the pain to understand where he was exactly.

« I perfectly know what's going on. » Thomas had reassured him. « Trust in me, everything will be alright soon. »

Yet, when he placed his hands above Roman's head and he closed his eyes not to be blinded by an all too familiar glow, “alright” would have been the last thing he would have felt.

Or it wouldn't have been a word at all, because with the persistent twisting and turning and deleting and reforming of his thoughts and memories in his mind, there was no way he believed there could have existed anything else but pain in the world.

Roman didn't even have the strength to scream anymore.

And it was agonizing. Dangerously agonizing, as he fell to his knees and couldn't even feel the touch of his own hands vehemently pressing on his eyes, strong enough to push them far back into his eye sockets.

Maybe he was actually shrieking so loud his hearing had failed him long before.

His fingers dug onto the sides of his face and fell down on his cheeks, the nails traced red paths down both of them, white bits of dead skin left by them crossed paths with bitter tears that were somehow able to escape the limit his palms put.

« Everything will be alright. » Thomas had repeated while he nonchalantly destroyed the poor boy's mind. « You don't need him. »

That was the downfall of his discernment.

« I'll fix it for you. »

But if I know you,

When the blinding light ceased to hit his face, Roman's entire body plunged into the pavement for a split second, before immediately scrambling back to his feet.

His vision was back, the headache was gone.

But the confusion …

The thoughts that were now forming into his mind. Those were the doleful sting of skin thrown carelessly into flames: just as the skin burned and turned into an ashen damaged substance, so Roman's memories were filled with blank gaps and eroded by the flames of Thomas's power.

« I need- » he stormed out of the room without ever completing the line.

What he needed was actual reassurance.

If before his memories only conflicted with each other, now Roman felt like his whole life he had lived an illusion.

Gods, what was even true at that point?

So, he needed.

He needed answers, confirmations, he needed to feel authenticity.

Roman knocked on a door.

When Virgil opened it, he was met with the sight of a dishevelled and devastated boy, with red on his cheeks and in his eyes. This boy suppressed a sob, barely able to keep his lips from trembling.

« Are you even real? »

It was the exact same feeling as having a crowbar hitting his teeth: insanely painful and impossible to bear.

Followed by colossal quantities of resentment.

Virgil moved carefully, he let Roman in before closing the door behind them and let him sit on a chair in his room. In a second, he was already at the knight's side with a glass of water placed on the desk next to them. Eyes wide with concern, trying to fight the angered shaking of his hands.

He knew it all. That was just the confirmation. Yet, he couldn't talk, only help. Which was the first priority at the moment: care for Roman.

« What happened? » nothing. « Are you hurt anywhere? » still nothing.

His lips contorted with concern; Virgil watched the other try to steady his breath, looking around the room to see if he could still distinguish whether or not he was hallucinating.

Roman raised his arms and pulled Virgil close to him. It felt real. He buried his face in his chest, and still felt real. The tears wetting Virgil's shirt were real.

Real, real, real.

You're real, Roman. He's real. Your feelings are real.

He held him closer.

I know what you'll do.

How long Virgil had denied everything in favour of his safety.

And anyway, as soon as he was back, Roman had instantly hated him, who could even blame him for suppressing the truth?

Then things changed. He had noticed the alterations in Roman's demeanour, the loss in his focus, how disoriented he had started to become.

Townspeople constantly told him to pray to the gods, go visit Thomas for some “blessings”.

Yeah, right.

Virgil's heavy knot contorted in his stomach at the sole thought.

Instead of burdening himself even more, he passed a hand through Roman's hair, maybe embracing him with his other arm a little too tightly.

His feelings blossomed at once again, so much harder than before, as if he had bottled them up for so much time that they exploded simultaneously at the first display of affection he received.

Too long he had waited for something as simple as a hug. And there was only one to blame.

Roman wasn't even able to talk, he didn't want to move and face his issues, there was no way he would have wished to speak up about anything that had happened.

He felt damaged. He barely knew his identity at all and Virgil's presence was so grounding that he would have stayed in his arms forever.

Which Virgil would have gladly accepted.

« Can you tell me a place? » Virgil lowered at his level so he could look him in the eyes. « Somewhere safe, a comforting space? »

Roman sniffed one last time before being finally able to respond.

« The Black Lake. »

You'll love me at once.

Seeing someone calm down on the spot, with the breathing evening out nicely, was a rather cathartic experience, Virgil's own tight chest could finally be released from the grip of anxiety.

The two were sitting by the limit of the Lake, which was enlightened by the moonbeams.

« Follow me now. » Virgil called for Roman's attention. « Focus on the water. »

Roman did as instructed.

« What's your name? »

Grounding exercises.

« Roman Kingsley. »

« How old are you? »

« 22. »

Virgil waited for Roman to take a deep breath.

« What's your title? »

« I'm a knight. »

What is the name of your brothe- « Tell me the name of one of your friends. »

« You. Virgil. »

How can you even exist?

Virgil tried to hide a wide smile at best, while his heart jumped happily.

« Where do you live? »

« In this village. »

« Where are you now? »

« At the lake in the forest. » Roman took more breaths with his eyes closed. « You're with me. You're a friend, I think? I don't know it's all so confusing- »

« It's okay, let's talk about something else. » Virgil let the silence sink in purposefully, so the other could regain his focus.

He watched as Roman moved closer to the water and immersed his hand in it, pushing the water away in vain.

« Can you tell me something you learnt by heart? »

Roman didn't take his eyes off of the water.

He seemed to think about it for a second. « If someone, Juventius, would let me kiss your honey-like eyes to the bitter end, » the steady movement of his hand was almost hypnotizing. « I'd kiss them three hundred thousand times; never will I feel like I'm satisfied, » he raised his hand and stared at the drops falling back into the lake, creating the chaos that mirrored the one in his head. « Not even if the harvest of our kissing were to be thicker than the dried ears of corn. »

Virgil snapped back to reality when he felt Roman's head rest on his shoulder, his eyes closed again, but this time they weren't squeezed shut with pain.

« Thank you. » he whispered.

And, for once, nothing was wrong.

✾

« Want to know why this is my favorite place? »

In another memory, in another past, Virgil had turned to Roman with a small but expectant smile. « Why? »

« No matter how many times I come here, » Roman had returned the smile, holding so many more things he was never going to be able to tell him. « You're always here with me. »

The way you did once upon a dream.

#prinxiety #roman sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #character thomas #ts roman #ts virgil #ts patton #ts logan #sanders sides #fanfiction #read the warnings #purp's writings

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ah17hh · 5 years ago

Text

Original by u/Hey-im-right-here via /r/emojipasta

Original by u/Hey-im-right-here

Free 🆓🆓 Churro Monologue

So I stopped at a Jack in the Box 🍱🍱🍱 on 🔛🔛 the way ↕️ here 👈👈, and the girl 👶👶👶 behind the counter said, “Hiya! Are you having an awesome 👍 day?” Not, “How are you doing today?” No 😣. “Are you having an awesome 👍 day?” Which is 🈶 pretty... shitty, because it puts the onus on 🔛🔛 me to disagree with her, like 😄😄 if I’m not having an “awesome day,” suddenly I’m the negative one 1️⃣1️⃣. Usually when ⏰ people 👫👫 ask how 🤔 I’m doing, the real answer ✅ is 🈶, I’m doing shitty, but I can’t say 🗣🗣🗣 I’m doing shitty because I don’t even have 🈶🈶 a good 👌👍🏾 reason to be doing shitty. So if I say 🗣🗣🗣, “I’m doing shitty,” then they say 🗣, “Why? What’s wrong?” And I have 🈶🈶🈶 to be like 😄😄, “I don’t know 🤔, all of it?” So instead, when ⏰ people 👫👫 ask how 🤔 I’m doing, I usually say 🗣🗣, “I am doing so great 🇬🇧🇬🇧.” But when ⏰ this ⬆ girl 👶👶 at the Jack in the Box 🍱🍱 asked me if I was having an awesome 👍 day, I thought, “Well, today I’m actually allowed to feel shitty.” Today I have 🈶 a good 👌👍🏾 reason, so I said to her, “Well, My Möm died,” and she immediately burst into tears 😂😂😂. So now I have 🈶 to comfort her, which is 🈶 annoying, and meanwhile, there’s a line 〰️〰️〰️ of people 👫👫 forming behind me who 💁 are all giving me these real judgy looks because I made the Jack in the Box 🍱🍱 girl 👶👶 cry 😂😂. And she’s bawling, and saying, “I’m sorry 💔, I’m so sorry 💔💔,” and I’m like 😄, “It’s fine, it’s fine” I mean 😏, it’s not fine but, you know 🤔, it’s... fine. And I would like 😄😄 to order 📑 a Double Jack Meal 🍽, and I’ve kinda got somewhere to be, so maybe less ➖➖ with the crying 😂 and more ➕ with the frying, huh 😕? [inhales] And the girl 👶 apologizes again and she offers me a free 🆓 churro with my meal 🍽🍽. As I’m leaving, I think 🤔🤔, “I just got a free 🆓🆓 churro because my mom 👪 died.” No 😣😣😣 one 1️⃣1️⃣ ever tells you that when ⏰ your 👉 mom 👪👪 dies, you get 🉐🉐🉐 a free 🆓🆓 churro. [Clears Throat] Anyway, I’m sorry 💔💔, that’s not part of the... [Clears throat] All right 👉. Okay 👌, here 👈👈 we go. Let’s do this ⬆. Here 👈👈 I am BoJack Horseman doing an eulogy, let’s go. Beatrice Horseman, who 💁 was she? What 😅 was her deal? Well, she was a horse 🐴, Uh, she was born 🐣🐣🐣 in 1938. She died in 2018. One 1️⃣1️⃣1️⃣ time ⌚, she went to a parade, and one 1️⃣1️⃣1️⃣ time ⌚, she smoked a cigarette 🚬 in one 1️⃣1️⃣ long inhale. I watched her do it. Truly remarkable woman 👧. Lived a full 🈵🈵 life 💓, that lady 👩. Just, all the way ↕️ to the end 🔚🔚🔚, which is 🈶, uh, now, I guess. Really makes you think 🤔🤔 though, huh 😕? Life 💓, right 👉👉? Goes by, stuff happens. Then you die ⚰⚰. Okay 👌. Well, that’s my time ⌚⌚, you’ve been great 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧! Tip your 👉 waitress! No 😣😣😣, I’m just kidding around, there’s no 😣😣 waitress. But seriously, that’s all I have 🈶🈶 to say 🗣 about my mother 👪👪👪. No 😣😣😣 point 🈯 beating a dead 💀 horse 🐴🐴, right 👉? So... now what 😅? I don’t know 🤔, Mom 👪👪, you got any ideas? Anything? Mom 👪? No 😣😣? Nothing 🈚 to contribute? Knock once if you’re proud 😤😤 of me. Can I just say 🗣 how 🤔 amazing it is 🈶 to be in a room with my mother 👪👪👪, and I can just talk 🗣🗣 and talk 🗣🗣 without her telling 🗣 me to shut up ☝☝☝ and make her a drink 🍹? Hey 👋, Mom 👪👪. Knock once if you think 🤔 I should shut up ☝☝☝. No 😣😣😣? You sure? I mean 😏😏, I don’t want 😋 to embarrass you, by making this ⬆ eulogy into a me-olgy, so, seriously if you want 😋 me to sit 💺💺💺 down ⬇⬇ and let someone else talk 🗣, just knock once. I will not be offended. No 😣😣😣? Your 👉 funeral ⚰⚰. Sorry 💔💔 about the closed casket ⚰, by the way ↕️↕️. She wanted ⚠ an open 👐👐👐 casket ⚰⚰,but, you know 🤔, she’s dead 💀 now, so who 💁 cares about what 😅 she wanted ⚠. No 😣😣😣, that sounds bad 📉. I’m sorry 💔. I think 🤔 that if she could’ve seen what 😅 she looked like 😄😄 dead 💀, she’d agree 👍👍👍 it’s better this ⬆ way ↕️↕️↕️. She kinda looked like 😄😄 a pissed off dinosaur 🦖. The coroner couldn’t get 🉐🉐🉐 her eyes 🤩 closed. So, now her face 😀😀😀 is 🈶 frozen ⛄⛄ in a mass of tremendous horror and anguish. Or as my mother 👪 called it, Tuesday! Tuesday! My mom 👪👪 called it Tuesday. Hey 👋, Mom 👪, what 😅 did you think 🤔 of that joke? You like 😄😄 that? You never ❌ did care for my comedy. Here’s a story. When ⏰ I was a teenager 👦👦, I preformed a comedy routine for my high 🆙🆙 school 🎓 talent show 📺📺📺. There was this ⬆ cool 😎😎 jacket 🧥 that I wanted ⚠ to wear because I thought it would make me look 👁 like 😄😄😄 Albert Brooks. For months, I saved up ☝ for this ⬆ jacket 🧥, but when ⏰ I finally had enough, I went to the store and it was gone. They had just sold it to someone else. So, I went home 👪👪 and told my mother 👪👪👪. She said, “Let that be a lesson. That’s the good 👌👍🏾 that comes from wanting 😋 things.” She was really good 👌👍🏾 at dispensing life 💓 lessons that always 🕔 seemed to circle 🉐🉐🉐 back ⬅️ to everything being my fault. But then, on 🔛🔛 the day of the talent show 📺, my mother 👪👪 had a surprise 🤨🤨 for me. She bought me the jacket 🧥. Even though she didn’t know 🤔 how 🤔 to say 🗣🗣 it, I knew 🤔 this ⬆ meant she loved me. Now, that’s a good 👌👍🏾 story about my mother 👪👪👪. It’s not true, but it’s a good 👌👍🏾 story, right 👉👉👉? I stole it from an episode of Maude I saw when ⏰ I was a kid 👦, where 🤷 she would talk 🗣🗣 about her father 👨👨👨. I remember when ⏰ I saw it, thinking 🤔 that’s the kind of story I want 😋 to tell 🗣 about my parents 👪 when ⏰ they die ⚰⚰. But I don’t have 🈶 any stories like 😄 that. All I know 🤔 about being good 👌👍🏾 I learned from TV 📺📺. And In TV 📺📺, flawed characters 🔣🔣 are constantly showing people 👫 they care with these surprising grand gestures. And I think 🤔🤔 that part of me still believes that’s what 😅 love 😍😍 is 🈶. But in real life 💓, the big gesture 🤲🤲 isn’t enough. You need to be consistent, you need to be dependently good 👌👍🏾. You can’t just screw everything up ☝☝☝ and then take a boat ⛴ out 🏎🏍 in the ocean 🦑🦑🦑 to save 💾💾💾 your 👉 best 🏆 friend 🐶🐶🐶, or solve a mystery, and fly 🐦🐦🐦 to Kansas. You need to do it everyday, which is 🈶 so... hard. When ⏰ you’re a kid 👦, you convince yourself that maybe the grand gesture 🤲🤲🤲 could be enough. That even though your 👉 parents 👪👪 aren’t what 😅 you need them to be, over and over, and over again, at any moment, they might surprise 🤨🤨 you, with something... Wonderful. I kept waiting for that, the proof, that even though my mother 👪👪👪 was a hard woman 👧👧👧, deep down ⬇⬇, she loved me and cared about me and wanted ⚠ me to know 🤔 that i made her life 💓 a little bit brighter. Even now, I find 🔍🔍🔍 myself waiting. Hey 👋 Mom 👪, knock once if you love 😍 me and care about me, and want 😋 me to know 🤔 I made your 👉 life 💓 a little bit brighter. My mother 👪👪 did not go gentle into that good 👌👍🏾 night 😴😴. She went clawing and fighting 🥊🥊🥊 and thrashing, hence the face 😀😀😀. If you’d seen her, I swear to god the only thing you’d be thinking 🤔🤔 about right 👉👉👉 now is 🈶 that I am nailing this ⬆ impression. I was in the hospital 🚑🚑🚑 with her through those last moments, and they were truly horrific, full 🈵🈵 of nonsensical screams and cries, but there was this ⬆ moment, this ⬆ one 1️⃣ instant of strange calm, where 🤷 she looked into my direction ☝☝☝ and said, “I see 👁 you.” That was the last thing she said to me. “I see 👁 you.” Not a statement of judgement or disappointment, just acceptance and the simple recognition of another person 👤👤👤 in a room. “Hello, there. You are a person 👤👤. And I see 👁👁👁 you.” Let me tell 🗣 you, it’s a weird 😕 thing to feel at 54 years old 👴👴👴, that for the first 🥇🥇 time ⌚ in your 👉 life 💓 your 👉 mother 👪👪👪 sees you. It’s an odd realization that it’s the thing you’ve been missing, the only thing that you wanted ⚠ all along, to be seen. And it doesn’t feel like 😄 relief 😅, to finally be seen. It feels mean 😏, like 😄, “Oh, it turns out 🏎🏍 that you knew 🤔 what 😅 I wanted ⚠, and you waited until the very last moment to give it to me.” I was prepared for more ➕➕➕ cruelty. I was sure that she would get 🉐🉐 in one 1️⃣ final zinger, about how 🤔 I let her down ⬇⬇, and about how 🤔 I was fat and stupid, and too tall to be an effective Lindy-hopper. How 🤔 I was needy and a burden and an embarrassment. All that I was ready for. I was not ready for “I see 👁👁👁 you.” Only my mother 👪👪👪 would be lousy enough to swipe me with a moment of connection 📶📶📶 on 🔛🔛 her way ↕️↕️ out 🏎🏍. But maybe I’m giving her too much credit. Maybe it wasn’t about connection 📶📶. Maybe it was a.. Maybe it was a “I see 👁 you,” like 😄😄😄, “I see 👁 you.” Like 😄, “You May have 🈶🈶 the rest 😪😪😪 of the world 🌎🌎 fooled, but I know 🤔 exactly who 💁 you are.” That’s more ➕➕ my moms speed 🚅. Or maybe she just literally meant “I see 👁👁 you. You are an object that has entered my field of vision.” She was pretty out 🏎🏍 of it at the end 🔚🔚, so maybe it’s dumb to try to attribute it to anything. Back ⬅️ in the 90’s I was in a very famous TV 📺 show 📺 called “Horsin’ Around. Please 🙏🙏🙏 hold your 👉 applause 👏👏👏. And I remember one 1️⃣1️⃣ time ⌚⌚, a fan asked me, “Hey, um, you know 🤔 that episode where 🤷 the horse 🐴🐴 had to give Ethan a pep talk 🗣, after Ethan finds out 🏎🏍 his crush 😊😊 only asked him to the dance 💃 because her friends were only having a dorkiest date 👫 contest 🏆🏆🏆? In all the shots of the horse 🐴🐴🐴, you can see 👁 a paper 🖨🖨🖨 coffee ☕ cup on 🔛 the kitchen 🍯🍯 counter, but in the shots of Ethan, the coffee ☕☕ cup’s missing. Was that because the show 📺 was making a statement, about the fluctuant subjectivity of memory and how 🤔 even two ✌✌✌ people 👫👫 can experience 💯 the same moment in entirely different ways?” And I didn’t have 🈶 the heart 😍😍 to be like 😄😄, “No, man 👦👦👦, some crew guy 👦👦👦 just left 👈👈👈 their coffee ☕ cup in the shot 🥃🥃.” So, instead, I was like 😄😄... “Yeah.” And maybe this ⬆ is 🈶 like 😄😄 the coffee ☕☕ cup. Maybe, we’re dumb to try to pin significance onto every little thing. Maybe, when ⏰ someone says, “I see 👁 you,” it just means, “I see 👁👁👁 you.” Then again, it’s possible she wasn’t even taking to me. Because, if I’m honest, she wasn’t even talking to me, she was looking past me. There was nobody else in the room. So I think 🤔🤔 she was talking to me, but, honestly, she was so far gone at that point 🈯🈯, who 💁 knows 🤔 what 😅 she was seeing. Who 💁 were you talking to, Mom 👪👪? Not saying, huh 😕😕? Staying mum? No 😣 rimshot there? God, whatever I’m paying you, it’s too much. Maybe, she saw my dad 👨. My dad 👨 died about ten years ago of injuries he sustained during a duel. When ⏰ your 👉 father 👨👨👨 dies, you ask yourself a lot of questions. Questions like 😄😄😄, “Wait, did you say 🗣🗣🗣 he died in a duel?” and “Who dies in a duel?” The whole thing was so stupid. Dad 👨 spent 😵😵😵 his entire life 💓 writing 🖊 this ⬆ book 📖, but he couldn’t get 🉐🉐 any stores to carry it, or any newspapers to review it. Finally, I guess one 1️⃣ newspaper ��📰📰 thought he was hilarious, because they wrote a review and tore him to shreds. So, my father 👨, ever the Proud 😤😤 Mary, decided he would not stand for this ⬆ besmirch ment of his honor. He claimed the critic didn’t understand what 😅 it meant to be a man 👦, so he demanded satisfaction in the form of pistols at dawn 🌇🌇🌇. He wrote the paper 🖨🖨, this ⬆ letter ✉️✉️, saying anyone who 💁 didn’t like 😄 his book 📖📖📖, he would challenge to a duel, anyone in the world 🌎. He’d even pay 💸 for airfare to San 🇸🇲 Francisco and a night 😴 in a hotel 🏨. Well, eventually this ⬆ found it’s way ↕️↕️ to some kook in Montana, who 💁 was as batshit as he was and took him up ☝ on 🔛🔛🔛 the offer. They met at Golden Gate Park and agreed: ten paces, then shoot 💫. But in the middle 🖕🖕🖕 of the ten paces, Dad 👨 turned to ask the guy 👦 if he’d actually read 🛋🛋 the book 📖 and what 😅 he thought, but, not looking where 🤷 he was going, tripped over an exposed root and basked his head 💆💆💆 on 🔛🔛🔛 a rock 🧗‍♀️. I wish 🙏🙏🙏 I’d known to go to Jack in the Box 🍱 then. I could have 🈶 gotten a free 🆓 churro. It would’ve been nice to have 🈶🈶 gotten something to show 📺 for being the son of ButterScotch Horseman. My darling mother 👪 gave the eulogy. My entire life 💓 I have 🈶 never ❌ heard her say 🗣🗣 a kind word to or about my father 👨, but at his funeral ⚰ she said, “My husband is 🈶 dead 💀💀💀, and everything is 🈶 worse now.” “My husband is 🈶 dead 💀💀💀, and everything is 🈶 worse now.” I don’t know 🤔 why 🤔 she said that. Maybe she felt that’s the kind of thing you’re supposed to say 🗣🗣🗣 at a funeral ⚰⚰⚰. Maybe she hoped one 1️⃣ day someone would say 🗣🗣🗣 that about her. “My mother 👪👪 is 🈶 dead 💀, and everything is 🈶 worse now.” Or maybe she knew 🤔 he had frittered away all her inheritance, and replaced it with crippling debt, which is 🈶 a pretty shitty thing to leave your 👉 widow with. “Bad news, you lost 🏳🏳 your 👉 husband, but don’t worry, you also lost 🏳🏳 the house 🏠!” Maybe Mom 👪👪👪 knew 🤔 she’d have 🈶 to sell all her fancy 💠 jewelry 💍 and move into a home 👪👪👪. Maybe that’s what 😅 she meant by “everything is 🈶 worse now.” Is 🈶 that what 😅 you meant, Mom 👪? You know 🤔, the first 🥇🥇 time ⌚⌚⌚ I ever preformed In front of an audience, it actually was, uh, with my Mom 👪👪👪. She used to put on 🔛🔛 these shows, with her supper club in the living room, and she used to make... she used to make me sing 🗣🗣🗣 “The Lollipop 🍭 Song” Those parties, they were really something. There were skits and magic 🎩🎩 acts, and ethnically insensitive vaudeville routines, and the big finale was always 🕔 a dance 💃 my mother 👪 did. She had this ⬆ beautiful dress 👗 that she only brought out 🏎🏍 for these parties, and she did this ⬆ incredible number. It was so beautiful and sad 😞😞😞. Dad 👨 hated the parties. He’d lock ⛓⛓ himself in the study 🔬🔬🔬, and bang on 🔛🔛🔛 the walls for us to keep it down ⬇⬇, but he always 🕔 came out 🏎🏍 to see 👁👁 mom 👪👪👪 dance 💃. He’d linger in the doorway, scotch 🥃 in hand 👍👍, and watch 👁👁 in awe, as this ⬆ cynical, despicable woman 👧 he married... Took flight 🛩🛩. And as a child 👶 who 💁 was completely terrified 😨😨 of both of my parents 👪👪, I was always 🕔 aware of this ⬆ moment of grace, it meant something. We understood each other, in a way ↕️. Me, My Mom 👪👪 and my Dad 👨, as screwed up ☝☝☝ as we all were, we did understand each other. My mother 👪, she knew 🤔 what 😅 it’s like 😄😄😄 to feel your 👉 entire life 💓 like 😄 you’re drowning with the exception of these moments.. these very rare, brief instances, in which you remember..you can swim 🐠🐠🐠. But, then again, mostly not. Mostly you’re drowning. She understood that too. And she recognized that I understood it. And Dad 👨. All three 3️⃣3️⃣3️⃣ of us were drowning, and we didn’t know 🤔 how 🤔 to save 💾 each other, but there was an understanding that we were all drowning together. I would like 😄😄 to think 🤔🤔🤔 that’s what 😅 she meant when ⏰ we were in the hospital 🚑🚑 and she said, “I see 👁👁 you.” You know 🤔 the weird 😕😕😕 thing about both your 👉 parents 👪👪 being dead 💀 is 🈶 it means you’re next ⏭. I mean 😏, you know 🤔, obviously it’s not like 😄 there’s a wait 🚏 list for dying. Any one 1️⃣1️⃣ of us could get 🉐🉐🉐 run 🏃 over by some Snap-chatting 💬💬 Teen at any moment. And you would think 🤔 knowing 🤔 that would make us adventurous, and kind, and forgiving. But it makes us small, stupid, and petty. I actually had a near death 💀💀 experience 💯, recently. A stunt went bad 📉 and I fell off of a building 🏭. I’m an actor. I do my own stunts. I’m on 🔛 this ⬆ new 🆕🆕 show 📺📺📺 Philbert. Im Philbert. Star ⭐⭐⭐ of the show 📺. It hasn’t come out 🏎🏍 yet, but it’s already getting Emmy Buzz. Oh, speaking 📢 of buzz... I’m supposed to take two ✌✌ of these every morning 🌞, but my days are so screwed up ☝☝ ‘cause of the shooting schedule 📅, I don’t even know 🤔 what 😅 morning 🌞🌞🌞 means anymore. There’s a joke in there somewhere, about a guy 👦 who’s been to so many funerals, he doesn’t even know 🤔 what 😅 mourning means anymore. Let you guys figure out 🏎🏍 that one 1️⃣1️⃣1️⃣ for yourself. Anyways, you know 🤔 what 😅 I thought.. When ⏰ I was falling off the building 🏭 and went into panic mode? The last thing that my stupid brain 🧠🧠 could come up ☝☝☝ with before I died? “Won’t they be sorry 💔💔💔.” Cool 😎😎 thought, brain 🧠. I don’t even know 🤔 what 😅 “they” I wanted ⚠ to be sorry 💔. My mom 👪, before she died, could barely remember who 💁 I was. And of course, my dads dead 💀💀. The last conversation I ever had with him was about his novel. He was so certain his book 📖 was his legacy. Maybe he thought it would vindicate him for all the shitty things he ever did in his stupid worthless life 💓. Maybe it did. I don’t know 🤔. I never ❌ read 🛋🛋 it. Because why 🤔 would I give him that? I used to be on 🔛 this ⬆ TV 📺 show 📺📺 called Horsin’ Around. Seriously though, hold your 👉 applause 👏👏👏. It was written by my friend 🐶, Herb 🌿🌿 Kazzaz, whos also dead 💀💀 now, and it starred this ⬆ little girl 👶👶👶 named Sarah Lynn. And it was about these orphans. And early 🕐🕐 on 🔛🔛, the network had a note 🔣, “Maybe don’t mention they’re orphans so much, because audiences tend to find 🔍 orphans sad 😞😞 and not relatable.” But I never ❌ thought the orphans were sad 😞😞. I always 🕔 thought they were lucky 🤞 because they could imagine their parents 👪 to be anything they wanted ⚠. They had something to long for. Anyway, we did this ⬆ one 1️⃣1️⃣ season ❄️❄️❄️ finale, where 🤷 Olivias birth mother 👪👪👪 comes to town. And she was a junkie, but she’s gotten herself cleaned up ☝☝, and she wants to be in Olivias life 💓 again. And of course, she’s like 😄😄😄 the perfect 👌 grown-up ☝ version of Olivia, and they go to the mall 🏬🏬 together and get 🉐🉐 her ears pierced like 😄 she’s always 🕔 wanted ⚠ and — Sorry 💔, spoiler alert 🚨🚨 for season ❄️ six 6️⃣6️⃣6️⃣ finale of Horsin’ Around, if you’re still working 🏗🏗🏗 your 👉 way ↕️↕️↕️ through it. Anyway, the horse 🐴🐴🐴 tried to warn her, “Be careful, moms have 🈶 a way ↕️↕️ of letting you down ⬇⬇.” But Olivia just thinks the horse 🐴 is 🈶 jealous, and when ⏰ the mom 👪 says she’s moving 📦📦 to California, Olivia decides to go with her. And the network really juiced the cliffhanger: “Is Olivia gone for good 👌👍🏾?” But of course, because it’s a TV 📺📺📺 show 📺📺, she was not gone for good 👌👍🏾. Of course, because it’s a TV 📺📺 show 📺📺 Olivias Mother 👪 has a relapse and had to go back ⬅️⬅️ into rehab, so Olivia has to hitchhike all the way ↕️↕️ home 👪, getting rides from from Mr 🇲🇷. T, Alf, and the cast of Stomp. Of course that’s what 😅 happened. Because, what 😅 are you gonna do, just not have 🈶 Olivia on 🔛 the show 📺? You can’t have 🈶🈶🈶 happy 😀😀 endings on 🔛🔛 sitcoms, not really, because, if everyone’s happy 😀, the show 📺 would be over, and above 🆙 all else, the show 📺... Has to keep going. There’s always 🕔 more ➕➕ show 📺📺📺. And you can call Horsin’ Around dumb, or bad 📉, or unrealistic, but there’s nothing 🈚🈚 more ➕➕➕ realistic than that. You never ❌ get 🉐 a happy 😀😀 ending, ‘cause there’s always 🕔 more ➕➕ show 📺. I guess until there isn’t. My mom 👪👪 would hate 😡😡😡 it if she knew 🤔 that I spent 😵😵 so much time ⌚ at her funeral ⚰⚰ talking about my old 👴👴👴 TV 📺 show 📺. Or maybe she’d think 🤔🤔🤔 it was funny 😃😃 that her idiot 😜 son couldn’t even do this ⬆ right 👉, who 💁 knows 🤔? She left 👈 no 😣😣😣 instructions for what 😅 she wanted ⚠ me to say 🗣🗣. All I know 🤔 is 🈶 she wanted ⚠ an open 👐👐👐 casket ⚰, and her idiot 😜 son couldn’t even do that right 👉👉. I’m not gonna stand up ☝☝ here 👈👈 and pretend I ever understood how 🤔 to please 🙏🙏🙏 that woman 👧, even though so much of my life 💓 has been wasted in vain attempts to figure it out 🏎🏍. But I keep going back ⬅️⬅️⬅️ to that moment in the ICU when ⏰ she looked at me and,...” I-C-U 👉.” “I..See 👁👁👁...You..” Jesus ✝️ Christ ⛪⛪, we were in the Intensive Care Unit. She was just reading a sign ⛎⛎⛎. My mom 👪👪👪 died and all I got was a free 🆓 Churro. You know 🤔 the shittiest thing about all of this ⬆? Is 🈶 when ⏰ that stranger behind the counter gave me that free 🆓🆓🆓 churro, that small act of kindness showed more ➕ compassion than my mother 👪👪 gave me her entire goddamn life 💓. Like 😄😄😄, how 🤔 hard is 🈶 it to do something nice for a person 👤? This ⬆ woman 👧 at the Jack in the Box 🍱 didn’t even know 🤔 me. I’m your 👉 son. All I had was you! I have 🈶🈶🈶 this ⬆ friend 🐶🐶🐶. And right 👉 around when ⏰ I first 🥇 met her, her dad 👨👨 died, and I actually went with her to the funeral ⚰. And months later, she told me that she didn’t understand why 🤔 she was still upset 😞😞😞, because she never ❌ even liked her father 👨👨. It made sense to me, because I went through the same thing when ⏰ my dad 👨👨 died. And I’m going through that same thing now. You know 🤔 what 😅 it’s like 😄? It’s like 😄😄😄 the show 📺 Becker, you know 🤔, with Ted Danson? I watched the entire run 🏃 of it, hoping that it would get 🉐🉐 better, and it never ❌ did. It had all the right 👉👉👉 pieces, but it just— It couldn’t put them together. And when ⏰ it got canceled, I was really bummed out 🏎🏍, not because I liked the show 📺📺, but because I knew 🤔 it could be so much better, and now it never ❌ would be. And that’s what 😅 losing 🏳🏳🏳 a parent 👩‍👦👩‍👦👩‍👦 is 🈶 like 😄😄😄. It’s like 😄😄 Becker. Suddenly, you realize you’ll never ❌ have 🈶🈶 the good 👌👍🏾 relationship you wanted ⚠, as long as they were alive, even though you’ll never ❌ admit it, part of you, the stupidest goddamn part of you, was still holding onto that chance. And you didn’t realize it until that chance went away. “My mother 👪 is 🈶 dead 💀, and everything is 🈶 worse now.” Because now I know 🤔 I will never ❌ have 🈶🈶🈶 a mother 👪 who 💁 looks at me from across the room and says, “BoJack Horseman, I see 👁 you.” But I guess it’s good 👌👍🏾 to know 🤔. It’s good 👌👍🏾 to know 🤔, that there is 🈶 nobody looking out 🏎🏍 for me, that there never ❌ was, and there never ❌ will be. No 😣, it’s good 👌👍🏾 to know 🤔 that I am the only one 1️⃣1️⃣1️⃣ I can depend on 🔛. And I know 🤔 that now and it’s good 👌👍🏾. It’s good 👌👍🏾 that I know 🤔 that. So.. it’s good 👌👍🏾 my mother 👪👪 is 🈶 dead 💀. Well, no 😣 point 🈯 in beating a dead 💀💀 horse 🐴🐴🐴. Beatrice Horseman was born 🐣 in 1938, and she died in 2018, and I have 🈶 no 😣😣😣 idea 💡.. What 😅 she wanted ⚠. Unless she just wanted ⚠ what 😅 we all wanted ⚠.. to be seen.

Submitted March 08, 2020 at 10:22AM by Woman_Eater_ via reddit https://ift.tt/2TzhCFY

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zivitz · 6 years ago

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I can’t reblog this post so I’m just gonna copy and paste my reply. And then I have better things to do with my brain space than respond to people who are attempting to browbeat me into submission while simultaneously refusing to allow me to participate, explain, or elaborate on my POV. So I might be talking to myself here, but it makes me feel better. To my followers, I’m sorry for the novel.

@trashpandabarnes ( @trashpanda-barnes) wrote:

yeah, abusing and gaslighting your “daughter” whose family who burnt to the ground, whom you tried to manipulate and sacrificed AGAINST HER WILL, as she ACTIVELY EXPRESSED HER DESIRE TO FREE HERSELF FROM YOU but you threw her off the cliff’s edge because u want power, because you don’t actually care about your “daughter” but are ALL about making her tragedy of negligence and abuse ALL YOUR OWN self-vicimized manpain is totally the characteristics of a fantastique dad™, ooof i could go on and on on the Gamora thing alone but then there’s Nebula who you mistreated her whole life and constantly pit her against the only person who she felt like she could have a connection to, and never passed up a chance to insult her, saying killing her would be a “waste of parts”. Boi oh boi @zivitz never fucking have kids dude if you think saying/doing this kind of shit to your kids is still gonna get u the award of father of the year bc no matter how much u claim u love ur kids, it doesn’t fucking excuse the abuse and also never have a girlfriend if this is how you think women are to be treated in fiction/otherwise —its 2018, women deserve better than to be treated as plot device for a self-importance asshole’s cringey angst. Get tf outta here with your apologist attitude, dufe. Thanos shows no remorse or no acknowledgement of faults and therefore, no character growth. He is stubborn and self-absorbed and a deadass weak villian. Marvel went about wrong with constantly trying to sympathize him, he’s a purple egoistic maniac and that is not an appealing character trait and should NOT have been glamorized by marvel for edgy fanboys like you with barely one working braincell, end of.

First of all, and this must be embarrassing for you- I’m not a guy. At least, I hope it’s embarrassing, because you’re making a fuck of a lot of assumptions based on this belief and they’re all wrong.

There seems to be a lot of thought going around that I am, and I quote, “pro-Thanos”. That I defend his actions or justify them in any way. That I think he’s a swell guy who’s just a misunderstood woobie. Or something. I think you’re confusing me with the Loki fangirls, but whatever.

Thanos being both capable of love and actually loving Gamora doesn’t make him a good person. It’s pretty clear throughout the movie that Gamora is literally the only person he loves. At all. In the universe. Except for himself, that is. Just because he’s capable of loving Gamora doesn’t mean he loves Nebula- I mean, clearly he fucking hates her. He doesn’t love the Black Order. I have a hunch that they started out as his ‘children’ in terms of being under his protection, guidance, and doing his bidding, but he was taken by Gamora and she became his daughter in thought and deed as well as word.

I have never ever said he was a good father, either. He clearly was not; no good parent puts their child through that kind of pain. No good parent rips a child away from their family, kills them, forces them into a life they neither are ready for nor would have chosen. A good parent (even most bad parents) doesn’t pit children against each other. Gamora had an abusive childhood, flat out. No one’s arguing that. Thanos is a big fat child abuser. He abused her (and Nebula, and probably the Black Order) to suit his own purpose. It was bad and wrong and fucked them all up royally and none of them deserved that.

Now take a step back and get the fuck of your high horse for a minute, and look at it from Thanos’s perspective. He is the hero of his own story. That’s what we were meant to see in Infinity War. A peek at the story from his point of view. Not that we were supposed to believe he was right, not that they were saying he had a point, or that we should sympathize with him. We’re not supposed to see character growth because he’s not the hero and there is no redemption. We’re just seeing how things look from his vantage point.

He saw his world die and couldn’t stop it because no one was strong enough to do the terrible, awful thing that would have saved it. And he saw the same things happening all over, so he decided he was the only one strong enough to do what needed to be done. And he worked hard at it. He collected his ‘children’, those he could raise and train to be strong like him and carry out his work. Carry on his work, if it lasted beyond his lifetime.

Gamora came along and was Different. In that deleted scene, he said himself he saw himself as alone and he was okay with that (he says in a voice that very much says he was Not Okay With That) because he had ‘a new vocation’. Until Gamora. He loved her. Took her under his wing, trained her, challenged her to be the best she could be. Gave her a family. Thought she, his favourite daughter, would be his heir. Wanted her to choose it, choose him, and let her leave when she didn’t instead of dragging her back and punishing her. He doesn’t really care that she’s rejecting him because he loves her regardless, but is hurt by the betrayal of her lies because she was the one person he trusted completely. He hurts her, but only as much as he has to to get what he needs. If he didn’t need to, he wouldn’t hurt her (we see this again and again- he could have killed Bruce, Groot, Cap, Wanda- and he didn’t. He just wanted them out of his way). His Vocation is more important at this point. And even then, he struggles with the decision that he must sacrifice the one person he loves and again be utterly alone- and live with the knowledge that he’s killed his child, his ‘everything’- for the sake of the Greater Good.

That’s how Thanos views himself. Is that how I view him? Not really. I mean, objectively speaking he did pretty fucking unspeakable things for what he thinks in his own incredibly misguided way is the right thing to do. Did Gamora deserve all that? Fuck, no. No one does. Did he love her during all of that, think he was doing what was best for her? Yup. Was it actually what was best for her? Fucking hell. No.

I love Gamora. I feel a great affinity for her because I grew up in an abusive household, where I was groomed and manipulated to be what my mother wanted and needed me to be. I was made in her image, to be useful to her and do what she needed and prop her up. I was her enabler for a long time. I didn’t break away from her until I was long into adulthood. And yet, I was loved. My mother thought she was doing the right thing by me. She thought she was making me into a strong person. She was doing her best to make me the best I could be by her vision. Because she loved me. She was wrong about what she was doing. She fucked me up in ways I’m still learning about. I can see both worlds: the one my mother inhabits, and the real world.

I feel Gamora. I really, truly do. But liking Thanos, being able to see how he sees himself and yes, even feel bad for someone who’s suffering even if they’re a crazy abusive monster, doesn’t mean I have to agree with him. Doesn’t mean I think he’s justified, doesn’t make me an apologist. Doesn’t mean I love Gamora any less.

And it doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. That I support abuse, abusers, or would abuse anyone in any way. I work with very young children precisely because I was abused and no one helped me. And I want to keep that from happening to other children, to keep them from growing up like I did. It’s my own version of “There are little girls like you across the universe who are in danger. You can stay with us and help them.” You make a lot of assumptions about me, and we all know what they say about that. This is fandom, but we’re all people here. Maybe check yourself before you go shooting your mouth off about shit you know nothing about.

#Thanos #fandom drama #you don't have to agree with me #but fuck off with the personal attacks and assumptions #infinity war

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table-top-romulan-playing-games · 6 years ago

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Movies I have seen so far in 2018

A few of these arent new movies, just ones ive watched for the first time in 2018. I felt like doing this cuz I really love watching movies and felt that it might be a good version of those "good things" jars, but instead it's movies I saw. Some reviews are short, mostly cuz I didnt really have much in the way of opinions, but I did have something to say.

Just incase you havent seen them. I have tried to keep them spoiler free, but if you dont want even vague non spoiler spoilers, the list of movies is as follows;

The Grand Budapest; The greatest showman; Jumanji: out of the jungle, King Arthur: legend of the sword, The Black Panther, Shape of water, Thor Ragnarok, the Emoji Movie, the Good Dinosaur, Jurassic world, Incredibles 2, Hotel Transylvania 3, Ant-man, A Wrinkle in Time, Lara croft: tomb raider, Guardians of the Galaxy volume 2, Spider-man homecoming, Ant-Man and the Wasp, Avengers age of ultron (semi live blogged), Captain America civil war, Avengers Infinty War, Deadpool 2016, King Arthur the one with kiera knightly, Deadpool 2, The Nutcracker, four realms, Venom, Love, Simon, Ready player one, Aquaman, Solo, a star wars story, Ghost stories (2018), Wreck it Ralph, Ralph breaks the internet, Goosebumps 2, Hidden figures, The meg, Pacific Rim, Pacific rim uprising, Wrath of the Titans, Mission impossible: fallout,Oceans 8, The Breadwinner, Mune, Operation Finale, The House With A Clock In Its Walls, Bad times at the El Royale, Outlaw king, Gnome alone, Journey to the center of the earth, Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy, Vvitch, Ex machina, To all the boys ive loved before, Extraordinary Tales, The Golden Compass, Erramentari, the blacksmith and the devil, Dragon heart, The black klansman, Robin Hood 2018, The Princess of Thieves, First Man, Bohemian Rhapsody, What we do in the Shadows, Overlord, For the Love of Spock, Next Gen, Small Foot, The Spy who Dumped Me, The Nun, Kin, Crazy Rich Asians, Spider-Man, Into the Spiderverse, A simple favor, Predator 2018, Rampage, 47 meters down, 2036 Origin Unknown, 2001 A Space Oddessey, The Martian

The grand Budapest hotel - good, great visuals. I enjoyed it.

The greatest showman - wonderful music, actual circus parts were good, the rest was boring. Its really short, and I felt it focused to much on the drama in pt barnums life, too much focus on a silly fuax love triangle, not enough on the acts themselves. I went in hoping to see the acts interact and actually be presented as the forefront. The beginning showed this magnificent scene with the acts, with this wonderful musical number that made me tear up. But then, it was just about Barnum and his kids being boring most of the time. The songs and musical scenes though? Absolutely wonderful, magnificent, stunning, and entertaining. Zendayas and Zac efrons characters duets? Beautiful, I loved the song and choreography. I just feel like the emphasis should have been on the circus itself. Hugh jackman. Needs. To. Do. More. Musicals.

Jumanji: out of the jungle - hilarious omg I laughed my ass off!

King Arthur: legend of the sword: wtf was this movie bro? I mean. I have a new song in my cars playlist, but wtf.

The Black Panther - IT WAS SO COOL! I loved the visuals and the storyline. Shuri is my favorite genius and I can’t wait for more Black Panther

Shape of water: absolutely beautiful omg

Thor Ragnarok: you mean that was the actual movie, that tumblr wasn’t just fuckin with me, like, those were real ass scenes that were filmed?

the Emoji Movie: bad, forgettable, literally did not remember watching it till a friend asked me.

the Good Dinosaur: literally a children's movie, idek why I watched it tbh

Jurassic world: THE HUBRIS OF MAN! THE INDO RAPTOR! BLUE! They made... An indoraptor. Not just any raptor, oh no, that's not enough for the hubris of man, its an indoraptor. What's an indoraptor you may ask? Well it's when you mix a raptor, with the indominous rex DNA. But Cotie, didn't the indominous rex already have raptor DNA? Wasnt that the whole thing that it was a t-rex with raptor DNA? Yes, yes it was. But this one is different, it's smaller, it's smarter, it made to obey commands like a war machine, it's the I N D O R A P T O R! So it's just a super powered velociraptor? Yes, yes it is. So what makes it special? THE HUBRIS BEHIND IT!

Incredibles 2: awesome! I loved it! Those flashing scenes really were no joke though. I don't have epilepsy, but damn those scenes were hard to look at. But I absolutely love the fact that edna babysat jack jack for a night, and gave him a super babysuit. I hope we get to see more of the other superheroes helping out the incredibles!

Hotel Transylvania 3: it was a good movie. Its the only Adam Sandler movie series I can stand, but it was a decent movie. I like the introduction of the van helsing family, and the whole premise. Plus I love the message that its possible to fall in love again.

Ant-man: "in like the Flynn" niiiiiiiiice Tangled ref! "ANT-THONY!!!!" Ok that was a fun and hilarious movie. I fucking love the three wombats, especially Luis omg. Also I love Scott lang relationship with his daughter and that he was the driving force behind his motivation. Also not gonna lie, I kinda watched this one so I could go see Ant-man and the Wasp, but I liked this one too.

A Wrinkle in Time: FUCK ITUNES NOT WANTING TO WORK DURING THIS MOVIE! ok but Chris Pine as a Dad? Awesome. "Happy anniversary, if only you'd dissapear too" wow, these high school preps are viscous. Also I love the little kid calling out grown ups for being pieces of shits. Also this movie was adorable and heart felt and I loved the mix of fantasy and science that made it a science fantasy movie omg.

Lara croft: tomb raider: ok but the girl who kicked Lara crofts butt in the beginning has me gay as Fuck man. "OPEN IT! OPEN IT! OPEN IT!" OK calm down Nicolas cage.

Guardians of the Galaxy volume 2: omg that was indeed another real marvel movie I had just seen. I can't believe the stooges are a space family that just, does stupid things. I love them all.

We gonna start some parralels; a wrinkle in time - a movie about two siblings trying to find their dad who has been lost for 4 years. They get him back through the power of love; Lara Croft: Tomb Raider - a daughter finds some adverturing stuff to lead her to her father who had been missing for 7 years. Tries to get him back by killing men. Doesn't, and then kills more men; Gaurdians of the Galaxy volume 2: a boy finds his father after 34 years, but turns out he is a huge fucking jerk, also finds that Mary poppins was his dad after all, but then both Mary poppins and jerk dad died, with varying degrees of mourning from Boy.

Spider-man homecoming: omg so many second hand embarrassment scenes but it was so good! I laughed my ass off at the ending omg tony no. But also, that awkward moment when ur dates dad threatens your life and he actually meant it...

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Dude. Duuuuuuude that end credit scene. Duuuuuuuuuuuuuude. That movie was just as hilarious as the first ant-man movie omg! It was fun and incredibal and I'm so happy the 3 combats were there. I was losing my shit over the baba yaga stuff!

Avengers age of ultron (semi live blogged): god, I'm 9 minutes in and I hate this movie... 13 minutes in an ur telling me this could've been avoided if marvel hadnt turned two Romani (from what I remember of mutant canon) characters into, not only human expirements instead of mutants, but voluntary hydra agents. -sighhhh-... 20 minutes in and why, why Tony, just... Tell the team, why do we gotta have lazy 'i dont wanna communicate' writing bullshit...Jarrrrrviiiiissssss my boy T.T... Did they really just try to make dissimising female characters and using their achievements as a sort of 'my horse is bigger than yours' as quality character writing? God this Bruce/Nat romance is so forced... Oh no, Ultron fucking appeared, why does he sound like a bad Tony stark impression? Ultron is fucking annoying... Fuck man, the plot with the twins have arrived, and I hate it... -mentions Wakanda- thanks for reminding of a better movie I could be watching... God, the acting is either way too dry, or way too ham... Wow... Clint is... The most mature person in the movie... Wow, the scene where Nat reveals she is infertile, is worse than I thought it would be, and I knew it would be awful... Hour and a half in, still bad... Though ultron is now acting like a c h i l d... Oh no, now we creating Ultron 2.0 this time its Jarvis... Please discuss it with the team, pleeeease... Annnnnnnd U didn't... Fuck... I'm so tired, 1 hour and 31 minutes and the team is fighting... Thor coming in for the jarvis Saaaave! Yassss vision with the worthy of the hammer! Okay the battle scene with ultron was pretty cool. Still dont like the movie over all.

Captain America civil war: not as much fighting as advertised. Too much 'we arent going to sit down and communicate' trope. Honestly I was too bored and tired to really actually pay attention to closely... All I got from it is the russos need to learn what a get along shirt is and be better film makers.

Avengers Infinty War: wtf, what the fuck, was that. That was some fuck right there. You are telling me thanos was really able to get the soul stone like That? And the mind stone like That? And all that other bull shit? Y'all Russo better be ready to have thanos ass kick in the next avengers movie. But damn that was some shit that happened.

Deadpool 2016: I loved every bit of the movie omg, it was everything I hoped for out of a deadpool movie.

King Arthur the one with kiera knightly: That uh, sure was a King Arthur movie? Way less weird than King Arthur Legend of the sword. Merlin didnt cast magic, and arthur was a Roman, but guinevere is a kick ass archer, soooo acceptable...

Deadpool 2: THAT WAS FUCKIN HILARIOUS I LOVE DEADPOOL SO MUCH! god I love this movie, I would die for dominoe.

The Nutcracker, four realms: such a cute af movie omggggggggggggg. I loved Captain Phillip the nutcracker soldier and the gold highlight they put on his lips 💓

Venom: listen. I did no t see this film for quality. I saw it for the symbi ote ok. Ok. I lov it. But blease for the love of god.... Y.... Did...... The......... Symbiote........ Take the shape of a sexy comic book lady..... When........ The same sexyness could have been achieved by letting the symbiote be big beefy orc like lady....

Love, Simon: I'm not one for these films... I dont like these films... They are teary eyed wholesome cake frosting that make my cold gay heart sick... That being said... I relate, I relate so much... Also... If I was in simons shoes and the blackmailing weasle Martin outed me? They would still be scraping him off the pavement... That is all.

Ready player one: it wasn’t as bad as some of the things i heard about it on tumblr, but its not one I will watch again.

Aquaman: "show off, heh, I could've just pee'd on it" is the exact quality line I want out of my films. Also that was soooooooo awesome! I loved it! More Aquaman!

Solo, a star wars story: Not bad, but not great, it kept on plot really well, not memorable but I won’t knock it. I still say the actor playing Han Solo looks photoshopped and not real.

Ghost stories (2018): awful... It was slow and boring, and I didnt like it... I rented it through itunes and it glitched part of the way through and I stopped being able to see the picture. Even after I got it working again I still didnt like it... Though I did like the message of "dont be a bystander", but the whole this was boriiiiiinnnnnnnggggggggggg.

Wreck it Ralph: okay, technically I caught the beginning like 4 or 5 years ago, but I finally actually watched it and it wasnt bad. Will go see the sequel.

Ralph breaks the internet: WAYYYYYY better than the emoji movie, also, I really loved the princesses scene, the bright colors, and following Venelope through the internet... Also.... Ralph........ WTF..................... Also............................. that Stan Lee cameo.................................... Heartbreaking............

Goosebumps 2: Mr. Chu and his Halloween obsession is me... Stones appearence had me dying omg... Also where tf r ppl getting these awesome super cool Halloween stuffs!

Hidden figures: IM NOT CRYING UR CRYING! omg such a great movie i fucking loved it. Couldnt understand a WORD of math that went on, but damn girls, calculate that shit.

The meg: listen... Listen... The trailer looked stupid... And ridiculous... I just... Wanted to know how bad... And it was bad... But it was incredibally enjoyable omg... I loved it... In all seriousness, it was actually a pretty beautiful movie when it came to marine life and the wonder behind it, and it was anti shark culling for fins, and it was very clearly "not all sharks are bad, they do as they do, but megalodon is about to fuck our shit up."... It was also fucking hilarious... My favorite character was meiying, the little 8 year old in the movie... The love plot wasnt forced and they way they did it the two leads were not having it and had actual chemistry... Just... Also the dog... The dog does not die... Pippin lives... The wedding is not ruined... Also the shark ate a billionaire soooooooo... We good meg... We good...

Pacific Rim: yes I know, I took a long ass time to watch this movie... But Listen... Explody robots and monsters... Hannibal chau... Look... I just... Sometimes take a long time to watch movies... You wanna know how long it took me to watch Merlin BBC? I watched every episode as it came out and then put off the last episode for 5 years... Listen...

Pacific rim uprising: ok I watched the first one so I could watch the one with my boi John Boyega in it.

Wrath of the Titans: wtf kind of movie... Like really what the f... Since when is zues ever responsible and wise.

Mission impossible, fallout: I liked it. It's an action movie. Saw it for my birthday, kinda interested in the other mission impossible movies now. I appreciate the advance tech and the obviously stupid impossible shit.

Oceans 8: Listen, i have never been interested in the Oceans franchise, i dont want to see crusty men steal things, but lads, im gay. Extremely gay, just, shamelessly gay.

The Breadwinner: holy shit that was a good movie.

Secret of the Kells: eh, it was a good movie. Not my favorite, but it was good. I mostly just like the animation.

Mune: Guardian of the Moon: dat was a cute movie, and also i loved Munes Design, he is a little fawn

Operation Finale: Wow, that was an amazing film, absolutely superb. Not at all like the trailers. Seriously, what is it and trailers where everything has to either be an high stakes action movie or a romantic comedy? but this film, spectacular.

The House With A Clock In Its Walls: A Neat little movie. Corny, but i liked it. like, its a kids movie in the same way A Wrinkle In Time is, but this one was little less disney-fied in the way that they needed to have this overarching lesson of empowerment, and more “this is a kids movie to enjoy, like Halloweentown”

Bad times at the El Royale: neat movie, somewhat engaging, kept losing focus at the slow parts... Liked the Chapter title cards... Can't remember who that "important person" was supposed to be.... I think I may have missed it...

Outlaw king: I liked it! Way better than Braveheart! Also.... Cpine was not that naked.... Butt....

Gnome alone: weird, didn't like it, like a bad combo of Mean Girls and Coraline?

Journey to the center of the earth: I said old movies were gonna be on this list now didnt I? Also this movie was awesome and I wish the book was real too.

Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy: Nice!!! I had been meaning to read the book before I watched the movie, but I've packed my book away soooo, MOVIE. Also out of all thw sci fi movies that have destroyed planets, this is by far the only good one.

Vvitch: it was okay... By the middle I was kinda wishing it would go faster. But it was okay.

Ex machina: I'm not done with the movie yet but it's so fucking creepy holy shit... Also "its kinda non-autistic" in relation to "aware of her own mind and mine"???? Wtffffffff.uggggghhhhhhhhhh ewwwweeweeewewweeeewwwwwww the talk about giving the robot a sexuality is so grooooooooooooosssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss he gave her a working vag and hearing him talk about fucking the robot was baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. Mmmmmmmm no, did not like.

To all the boys ive loved before: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... Also that sibling relationship was..... Relatable.

Extraordinary Tales: tales based on Edgar Allen Poe and holy sweet Jesus I loved it, it has multiple different art styles per story and I loved them soooooo much!

The Golden Compass: okay but how could you end on that cliffhanger and not at least put out another movie????

Erramentari, the blacksmith and the devil: based on Basque folklore which I know nothing of, but it looked neat. It's also originally in basque but netflix has the English dub over. AND HOLY SWEET JESUS I KNOW THIS MOVIE IS SUPPOSED TO BE SCARY BUT THE VOICE OVERS ARE SO FUCKING FUNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

Dragon heart: I didnt like it, there were better movies I could have seen, I'm not gonna reach for this one again...

The Black Klansman: Damn, I might very well be speechless. That was a Fantastic Movie, came at you like a bag of Bricks, and the ending when it went straight from a cross burning to the 2017 neo nazi rallies, to trumps “good people on both sides” speech, to everything that happened in 2017. The movie did NOT fuck around with anything. God Bless.

Robin Hood, 2018: Antifa film of the YEAR! Yeah Robin, Be a Class Traitor to the ruling class, Spread Wealth, Down with the 1%!

The Princess of Thieves: OMG Kiera Knightly as the daughter of robin and also a kick ass archer that causes trouble!!!! Loved it!

First Man: dude that movie was incredible, it read like you were seeing snapshots of his life, not completely invested, but as though you were a spirit looking at memories. I kinda liked it. I loved the silent scenes that filled the viewer with anxiety, like a realization of the gravity of what was happening. Omg. Good film A+

Bohemian Rhapsody: OMG I LOVED IT SO MUCH OMGOMGOMGOMG MY QUEER HEART IS RESTORED AND THEY SAID BISEXUAL!!!!!

What we do in the Shadows: that was an enjoyable movie. I didn't quite like the reality show format but it was funny!

Overlord: That was a great movie! it had decently fast pacing, which is good that it was only an hour and forty-eight minutes long... They Plot-Ex-Machina’d alot of the movie, like the wounded soldier feeling fine for the main firefight, then remembering he was supposed to be wounded all of a sudden. I watched it with a friend who saw one character, turned to me and said “He’s cute, i hope he doesnt die” one (1) second before a landmine went off. Also, Ghouls created by science rather by supernatural means.

For the Love of Spock: -cries like a big baby-

Next Gen: screams of anti-tech ideals... Also.... Damn...... They are channeling the "addiction to iPhones" angle man, like, villianous angle...

Small Foot: Not bad, At least it was a Short movie, or at least it didnt feel like it was dragging on. The Songs were great though, I actually liked them and at least they were written for the movie and not like, a song that already existed...

The Spy who Dumped Me: I rented it through iTunes and it gave some Ukrainian nuts swangin in my face...

The Nun: it was okay, but let maurice theirult be a lesson; u see some creepy haunted shit, you grab a cross and you walk away. You dont go back to play hero, cuz then you get possessed.

Kin: there is a line in the movie that says "you got a decade of bad decisions under your belt" and I feel like that sums of this movies plot points...

Crazy Rich Asians: that was so gooooood! I don't normally go for romcoms, but ppl had been praising the film, and I actually liked it. I'm glad I saw the majong scene explain before I actually watched the scene, because it felt a shit ton more powerful.

Spider-Man, Into the Spiderverse: AMAZING! INCREDIBLE! the animation was TOP NOTCH, like, omg!

A simple favor: I didnt like it... It tried to be both a thriller and what seemed like a parody of a thriller.

Predator, 2018: I kinda liked it, it was a mindless action movie, and the ending left it open for a badass sequal. I havent seen the other predator movies so I have no idea if this is in faith for the series, but im guessing yes.

The Martian: It was cool and chill, I liked it, also Mark Watney cussing out a government agency via a hundred thousand dollar communications outlet is.... Mood.

47 meters down: 2hrs of one woman having an absolute panic attack and being right to worry about sketchy diving boats.

2036 Origin Unknown: kinda what I feel like 2001 a space Oddessey wouldve been like if I had actually watched that movie... Oh shit the Borg!

2001 A Space Oddessey: Have I ever told y'all that I dont like Kubrick or his movies? His movies are the epitome of that pretentious art school boi style that just does too much and tries to pretend it's more than it is and sweet merciful god why is this one 2 and a half hours long! I'm 40 minutes in and I have a head ache from the over ise of classical music and boring slow pace of the movie. 2001 a space Oddessey is 2 and a half hours long and only has 1 hr of actual relevant film... The other 1 1/2 is just unending, weirdly colored space shots, two color inversion shots of planets and eyes, theremin and flute noises, and classical music set to nothingness

RAMPAGE: a 30ft alligator showed up about an hour and 10minutes into the movie and the first reaction was "well that sucks" and it killed me on sight. The movie is awesome! In am so glad I picked this as my last movie of 2018.

#Year of Movies #Movie List #Movie List 2018 #New Years

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