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#okay now that this worm is out of my brain
ringsreforged · 21 hours
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Season 2, Episode 6 - Nat's Rambles
Okay – SO – Paulina is still on holiday, and I’m obviously DYING OVER HERE (Natalie, in case you hadn’t guessed) so TUMBLR. I HAVE RETURNED.
Truly though, I don’t think I’ve done this since S4 of The 100 which probably aired 100 years ago at this point…what has this show done to me…
ANYWAY. My immediate thoughts on Season 2, Episode 6: WHERE IS HE???????
Paulina Voice: All opinions herein have nothing to do with me, so only judge Natalie for them.
Important Note: I have only watched once, in a haze of stress and emotion, so I reserve the right to delete all of this later if I change my mind on any of it.
Arondir – Hello! Nice to see you! Glad you’re joining us for the battle!
I did like the detail of confirming that not all the orcs are on board with Adar’s war, but I was mostly laughing that ‘running through the trees’ is how the show has reminded us a character exists for two weeks in a row.
Rhun – I think this was the first episode where I was like GO AWAY, RHUN, NOT NOW. Though, I want to stress that I am super excited to see the conclusion of this, probably in episode 8. The Dark Wizard, the Gaudrim, the fate of the Stoors (honestly, I’m assuming they’re all going to be massacred tbh…which…the optics…but we’ll worry about that later…). In today’s episode, it just felt a bit like ‘hey, these characters still exist.’
I did love the little snippet of Tom and the Stranger, though I felt like it could have just been included in their previous scenes. He is 1000% Gandalf, and I stand by my opinion that this isn’t supposed to be a twist or a surprise. It’s just the narrative telling the story. Destiny or friend is super intriguing to me. It’s very Luke and Yoda from Empire, but I do wonder if his destiny IS to choose his friend…and in so doing, THAT is how he finds his staff…
Nori talking with the Gund was very sweet, and her willingness to give herself up to protect everyone was super in character. Poppy and Merimac were cute (I pray to all the gods that THIS was the kiss Morfydd teased but I doubt it very much…), and Poppy wanting to fight for the Stranger made me pretty emotional. However, I have some bad news…
Guys…I think I’m adding Poppy to DEATH WATCH. And I HATE IT. BUT I CAN’T UNTHINK IT.
Moving on…
Numenor – This continues to be the choppiest of storylines this season, but I do think the broad elements are super on point. And, actually, where we end up makes the Eagle sequence make more sense in retrospect. Pharazon didn’t have things locked down, Miriel is very much still a player on the board, and Mr. Eyebrows is THE BIGGEST HYPOCRIT.
Then again, if you told me I’d see Halbrand in the Palantir I’d probably touch it too…
Ahem. Loved that detail by the way! Part of the reason I felt like Halbrand would be his Numenor form was the small scene he shared with Pharazon back in S1, while Galadriel was taking out the guards. A connection was formed then – perhaps his eyes even bored a hole – and if Halbrand rocks up as an enemy of the elves, that’ll only make him more appealing.
Everything with Miriel and Elendil was absolutely stunning. He was willing to give his life for her, she was willing to give hers for his. WHAT ABOUT MY HEART. Honestly, from the way Owen and Cynthia talked about this season, I felt like they weren’t going to get anything at all romance coded. But I’m just starting to think people in TV only see active kissing as romance, because HELLO?? THAT’S THE SCRIPT????? THAT IS ABSOLUTELY ROMANCE????
I’m very excited to watch the sequence with the sea worm again, and to really let it wash over me (heh), because I was starting to get time anxious at that point in the episode (my brain starts panicking ‘don’t end, don’t end.’ Honestly, my brain SUCKS). But it was incredible, the implications were wonderful, Elendil’s relief was beautiful, and so was Pharazon’s rage. Also, the whole sequence was UTTERLY STUNNING, WOW.
Note for the show overall, or maybe just for myself, though – PLEASE stop spoiling so much of the season through promotional material. My biggest gripe with this episode is that I felt like I’d already seen/put together 90% of it.
Anyway, I’ve left Earien until last because this was a MUCH better episode for her (though, not letting her have any reaction to Valandil’s death was CRIMINAL). To the point that I’m now reforging (heh) my thoughts on last week – who directed her to have such bratty energy last week? Weird.
Anyway, we saw much more of her conflict and fluidity in this episode. She isn’t Faithful, she believes the new order is the way to go, but she’s also struggling massively with it. Her desperate hug with her father broke my heart, I had instant tears in my eyes, but then I also cheered when she brought Miriel in! What a great surprise that was! I’m REALLY interested to see where she goes from here…I’m assuming in the finale? I was sure she was locked onto a super dark path, but she witnessed Miriel survive the Valar’s judgement…will that sway her back around?
I’m going to finish this section with something that’s maybe a bit controversial…Elendil sucks as Earien’s father!!! Now, I’m willing to put this on pacing/editing issues, because I don’t think the show really wants us to feel this way. But good god, man. HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH YOUR DAUGHTER. I really enjoyed their cell scene, but sweet lord baby jesus, these two needed a deep conversation in episode 3. Watching him turn to go when Miriel walked in, and just forget Earien was even there hurt me man…even though I enjoy the Miriel aspect VERY much…
Like, I know you’re mad at her, but you’re all she’s got left…and your pride might mean she watches you die…can you be a little kinder to her???
Dwarves being dwarves, AKA perfect – Flawless. No notes.
The initial sequence with the Durin’s and Annatar was PERFECT. Annatar being rejected (that Balrog glimpse was SO EVIL), and Baby Durin’s flicker of hope. But then the reveal that Daddy Durin is deep in the shit because he’s really just being greedy. My gooooodnesssssss. The show has done SUCH A GOOD JOB setting this up, because we know Daddy Durin isn’t this way! We feel Baby Durin’s pain!
Then Daddy Durin has his IT’S MINE moment with the ring and swats his son away. Anguish. And the anguish only anguished harder when we cut to Durin and Disa. Disa talking about her love for her father-in-law, and her own father, and then DURIN’S TEARS. UGH. UGH. UGH. I was weeping, honestly.
I feel like Durin being suss of the rings this early on is a pretty big change (don’t quote me on this) but I’m for it. Watching Disa turn back Narvi and the others (poor Narvi) was beautiful and then that I LOVE YOU. UGH. UGH. UGH. PERFECT, I SAY.
I doubt Disa has anymore bats to summon, though, so IDK how the heck they stop what’s coming next. Is Durin going to get drawn away by his desire to help Elrond, leaving Disa alone and vulnerable?
I REFUSE TO PUT DISA ON DEATH WATCH, SHOW. I REFUSE. DON’T YOU DARE.
Adar and Galadriel – I wish we’d gotten more, especially because they released a clip yesterday that I obviously couldn’t resist watching, but what we got was JUICY.
I felt that Adar knew Halbrand was Sauron back in the premiere, or at least suspected it. Getting that confirmation paints their scene with the talk of the wine, the tears, and the kneeling in such a different light. TASTY.
I’ve seen people question this, because why did Adar not try and kill him there and then? To my mind, that’s pretty straightforward. He killed him once and it didn’t stick. And last time he had the element of surprise. He knows that Sauron is powerful enough to get out of his chains/to not get caught by orcs, which means he’s here for a reason. If Adar tries to kill him, best case scenario Sauron is off the board for another few centuries, but he’ll likely take down some orcs with him on the way out. And for what? For him to just come back again?
I think Adar decided to play the long game. I think talk of Eregion and Galadriel let him know that something more was going on, and he was biding his time to act.
So, Sauron promised Adar children. Honestly, the Adar/Sauron/Galadriel dynamic that played across this episode was the stuff of my dreams. Adar is holding his own relationship with the fella up against hers, and there’s so much subtext for both dynamics. Was there romance between both? Was it solely manipulation for both? Is Adar what Galadriel might become if she succumbs?
Galadriel definitely wasn’t being entirely truthful with Adar when she mentioned that Sauron promised an army, because that was more what she thought she could get out of Halbrand. And yes, sure, Sauron might have nudged her that way. But Sauron’s true offer came later on the raft, after the army had been delivered. Adar even acknowledges that she’s not being truthful, that she needs to let go of her pride. I feel like we’ll see that play out over the last two episodes for sure…
The line that really stuck with me from a Hal&Gal perspective was Galadriel finishing Adar’s line about the world with Sauron being full of colour, and without him it’s a dull grey. It fits with how Galadriel has come across to me this season. Since Elrond shut her out, she hadn’t had anybody to open up to, and she’s certainly not being fully honest with herself yet. That dull grey speaks to how she’s mostly been…quite contained? The only moments where she’s truly come alive were with Nenya, and when she was fighting.
Later in the episode, she DOES put aside her pride. She calls Adar Uruk!!! She opens up and sees the possibility of an alliance. And I think this goes back to Sauron too. She’s had a taste of darkness and the temptation of it, she knows she’s not secure from succumbing, and so her perspective of Adar – who was once an elf – has massively shifted. However, when he asks if he and his children will be able to return to their home…we all know the answer to that.
I actually never stopped to consider that Adar would be the one manipulating/tricking Galadriel, which is silly in retrospect. Because this much better explains how she ends up in a cage facing the elves (sorry guys, I don’t think she’s bait for Sauron…she’s facing the wrong way…). I’m looking forward to watching this bit again, as I feel it was a bit rushed on first watch. I would have liked to see these two chat for a good two scenes more, honestly.
Adar is falling into the trap, which is pretty devastating, and Galadriel is the one seeing through it. Honestly, I really don’t know how things roll out in the finale. I flip from it making no sense for it to be a S1 rehash, to being sure she’ll defiantly resist, to being sure the show is setting her up to not be able to. I JUST DON’T KNOW. I wish I’d never seen those stupid leak spoilers…the promo makes me think they are real, but then we MUST be missing full context.
Adar is still on DEATH WATCH but like…a little bit less than before, honestly? Mostly because I don’t see how we have time to get ALL the confrontations into the last two episodes. When Adar goes out – and he will – he deserves the biggest death.
Random aside: I am pondering sharing something of a Haladriel ramble/rant but I’m also like…IDK if I want the hassle, so we’ll see.
Celebrimbor and Annatar
Oh, Brimby. My heart aches. The sequence with him forgetting Mirdania’s name was so heartbreaking and watching Annatar isolate him so completely was chilling. First, by taking away the other smiths, then with the illusion.
I actually don’t think I have a lot to say on this section, because it’s been rumbling along all season and we’re just about to reach the climax. Sauron is Sauron’ing his hardest in this episode.
I am now quite convinced that Mirdania is not Celebrian (I already didn’t really believe it, but it’s firmer now) and I do think she’ll die. I think she’ll either be killed by Sauron himself, or she’ll be caught in the crossfire of the siege, and as she dies she’ll make eye contact with him and he’ll just coldly leave her. I feel like there has to be some sort of climax to the whole…you look like Galadriel thing, but I’m not really sure what that could be?? I don’t think there’s going to be a lot of time next episode, so maybe that really was a one and done so the viewer understood he’s thinking about her…
Celebrimbor trying to snap on Annatar, and that flash of true rage in Annatar’s face…oh god, next week is going to be soul destroying. I honestly can’t wait and dread it at the same time. Celebrimbor has fought so hard but then comes the illusion, then comes the lure – more talk of the Valar, of his work, of Feanor and the Silmarils. CELEBRIMBOR. GET OUT, PLEASE. GET OUT.
Sauron was then absolutely buzzing at the end there, as war came, and I wonder if there are more twists to come or if things play out fairly straightforward from here. We know the elves will charge the orcs. Does that happen straight away? Is there any communication? Because it’s complicated, isn’t it? On one hand, let Adar and the orcs try to take our Sauron…but then, you know innocents are being killed. You have to save them, surely?
And that’s that, I think? PHEW.
I must say, it’s harder to get through this season being in fandom because I KNOW SO MUCH MORE and I WANT SO MUCH MORE and people STRESS ME OUT. But, at the same time, it feels nice to love something this hard again?
Let’s get episode 7 and [redacted] out of the way fast, though, yeah?
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merakiui · 1 year
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more octavinelle thoughts (albeit more floyd-focused) but!!! a concept in which you are an idol and the twins are your bodyguards and azul is your very scummy, sleazy manager who would do virtually anything so long as his star angelfish can shine brighter than the other idols and their agencies. though the idol industry is cutthroat and stressful, thanks to azul’s quick wit, the leech twins’ connections, and lots of smart investments you manage to gain success relatively quickly. that’s the entire point, after all, and yet even with your success in recent years there are ominous shadows that stretch far and wide. 
floyd dwells in these shadows, always teetering between being happy for your newfound success and loathing the fact that you’re so popular and busy now. even though he follows you everywhere (he and jade are bound to you via contract, but floyd could care less about the legal bond between the both of you), it’s always for business. he’s forced to keep within certain boundaries so as to not cause legal trouble, personal trouble, and just overall trouble for the fans and you. there are times he’s thought of wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you against him after it became an irritating chore to watch you pose for pictures or sign various things when fans would recognize and approach you. he wants to prove something by doing this, but he’s not sure what. prove that you’re untouchable to the general public—that only he can lay a finger on you? prove that you are no one’s idol? prove that you belong to him? 
floyd hates this feeling. it’s as if he’s wrapped in fishing netting and there’s no escaping no matter how much he bites and claws. the more he thrashes, the more it winds itself around him, constrictive and painful. it hurts to see you shine so brightly while knowing fully well he can’t truly have you. you’re meant to put on an act to prove to everyone that you are accessible and loyal only to the arts. therefore no romance for you. even your personal and work relationships are difficult to navigate because no matter who you’re associated with fans will get envious, or they’ll make rash judgements. 
floyd’s thought about yanking you up to his height to kiss you square on the mouth while out in public with you. he’s thought about taking you in the recording studio so they’ll have recordings of your voice as it wavers with moans and sobs, and for the right price azul can sell it to tabloid journalists and they’ll release it and the whole world will hear their slutty idol getting fucked by a faceless, mysterious bodyguard. then you’d truly be his because no one would want you. 
he’s thought about keeping his hand planted firmly on your hip when at social gatherings or clinging to you like a luxury handbag. jade often advises against it. as physical as floyd would love to be, he has to follow the rules. floyd hates the rules because he never knows what half of them are or what they entail. he’ll get away with fleeting touches when he can, masking them with the excuse of his job. if a fan attempts to get too handsy with you, he gets to put his hands on your shoulders and steer you away while jade politely advises them of the rules. 
floyd spends so long trapped in this troublesome stage of pining from afar, never to surpass any boundaries, always remaining as your bodyguard, that he begins to wonder if anything will ever change. he wants to get married; you can’t. he wants to settle down and start a family; you can’t. he wants to publicize his love; you can’t. there are so many things you can’t do and it’s so annoying. floyd tries to tell azul that it’s not fair—that you ought to be given more freedoms (“fuck the fans,” he often says)—but he may as well be a petulant child whining over impossible, unsolvable problems. this may be a reality to everyone else, but it isn’t the reality he wants. the reality he wants lies in unreality—in the far corners of his mind, each one a sugared fantasy he often considers when he needs material to get off to. thoughts of you in your pretty, frilly, elaborate idol outfits, each one shredded to pieces to get to warm skin beneath (he’ll buy you a dozen replacement outfits if it means you’ll let him fuck you; hell, he’ll spoil you rotten just so you continue to allow him to stand by your side as your most loyal bodyguard), have him falling over the edge into orgasmic bliss. god, you’re so perfect. so sweet. so soft. so deliciously noisy when you’re practically howling beneath him when he fucks you so hard the bed shudders (and the dreams always fall apart right when he’s about to tell you he loves you in the aftermath). fuck. he wants you all to himself. 
at some point, as his love twists into something unfathomably crooked, he gets it in his mind to knock you up. it’s the perfect solution! secret relationships, publicized romance, and rules be damned; a pregnancy would unravel the carefully crafted spool of thread azul has spent so long spinning to perfection. you really would be his then because it would be undeniable proof. and when your belly is so taut and round with his child, even with azul’s silver tongue, it will be impossible to explain away. and everyone would know. everyone would know you belong to him. your picture-perfect, successful world will cave in on itself, fold itself away into a packet of misery, and from the tendrils of bad, terrible, hateful things floyd will pull you free—right into his arms where you’re meant to be.
today you smiled at him, brought him a snack to thank him for his hard work, and tomorrow he’ll return the favor when he slips something into your drink so you’ll fall into your own little fantasy.
the idol industry is cutthroat, but then so is floyd.
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a-drama-addict · 2 months
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noachi!!!!!!!!
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lightbulb-warning · 1 month
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so has anyone figured out WHY there is the Need To Share our Artworks™ or is it just the vibes and our Soul apparently
#ive been running on “two cakes. u aren't BOTHERING people by putting art on their feed they can scroll past it/if they dont they get ”cake“”#and we love “cake”#“cake” is picture on the internet in this case#like okay the contracts and transaction format is a me problem!! i need to get rid of the “utilitarian brain worms” bc they're boring#this is supposed to be a hobby and the “get a good grade in hobby” wolf in the brain is just crying bc that's how they understand the world#the “get a good grade in x” wolf has valid pain but needs to stop controlling my life because they don't need to earn “enough value to live”#ect ect ect#and the life of minmaxxed utility is a life of trying to appeal to a “correct” that doesn't exist yaddi yadda = boring#i love you wolf. also shut up. affectionate. concerned. you get it#ok so we remove tangible purpose from act of experience art because THAT'S not “the point”#because “the point” is the joy killer eccetera ecc#but then what? “here check out this labor of love. i drew this fucker 15 times. no there's no story* there it's just a guy”#*story in this case being an emotional engagement/a situation/a context in which to ponder/other#so it's just a Draw. no further analysis. what do others Get from that?#i know i deeply enjoy art because im a fan of the process of People Making Stuff. i love when there was nothing but now there's something!!!#THAT'S what's it all about!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to me!!!! right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#so it stands to reason that creation is purpose enough?? to be experienced???? to be known????????#idk!!#this is a nothing burger of a thought people have always liked picture on the internet stfu maiora there doesn't need to be a reason#this is just the brainworms talking!!! because god forbid “something not have a purpose”??? blegh!!!!!!!!#sounds like unhealthy rationalizing instead of letting things be out of The Fear™!!sounds like depraving urself from joy bc of BRAINWORMS!!!#so like!!!!! picture on the internet doesn't NEED inherent value. creation is enough!! (plus there's the Attachment to Character. also.)#but then why are YOU *points at you* here? gen q!!#i made an image you like and now you are reading my word babble in some tags!!! what's THAT all about???????????#it's INTERESTING!! do you see what im trying to get at??#is it empathy??? person made something other saw something other made- other2other connection???? intrigue????????#.......all this is probably explained in some book or yt essay somewhere. oh well.#in the meantime thank you for your time! we can pretend we were stuck in an elevator together and then i started rambling#i hope you have a great rest of your day thanks for stopping by!! <3#maiora garrulates
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xviruserrorx · 1 year
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"Is it the smell of power in the room? I think this will never shift from me to you. My spot is taken, try different view." - Distressor by Gothic Tropic
For @polyamships polyshipday #31 "De-stress" (And a teeny tiny fic to go with it if it so Interests you)
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arklay · 2 years
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RESIDENT EVIL → DR. DIANA WESKER
but i will transcend and vomit this loser out of me i will become the next big thing
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#mine.#oc: diana#HAPPY BIRTHDAY BELOVED BRAIN WORM!! i care her so much she deserved something for her birthday hehe#periodic reminder that her name is pronounced as dee-ah-na not die-ana <3 i must be annoying about this because it's very important!! the#vibes are different!!! but okay. some credits: art is my commission of diana from psychoaciid (pointing you to pinned post pls support them)#first quote is by sheila dong from ''ouroboros'' published in old pal magazine / second quote is from a blog on here apparently#(widowbitesandhearingaids) – the post is on my oc blog in their tag somewhere if you wanted to find it / and lyrics in description are from#starchild by ghost quartet :) also don't look at my choppy cutting out of wesker in that comm by the way. graphic design is NOT my passion#that timeline is soo oversimplified for the absolute nonsense that's going on with her lmao many many years and events there... like not to#mention her very rough leave from the rival company and beginning to work with tricell oughghh then ofc the horror was for love of it all of#her spending two years completely isolated trying to heal him after what happened at the volcano :)#also. diana sharp under other names because it's an alias. not her actual surname in case you didn't know that already hehe#woke up super early from a nightmare so like. have this now. instead of in a few hours like i planned cause timezones for some people. but#it's the 27th here soooo heheh i will probably be annoying about this today and tomorrow cause of timezones also. birthday for two days <3#anyway happy birthday loml if al doesn't treat you right on your special day then i will!!!
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alchemistdetective · 4 months
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"Thank you all very much for coming! Hope to see you all next time!"
Fairy Tail Cafe
It was a small, humble cafe located at the base of a Youkai Mountain, and as the name suggests, it's run by... a fairy. And in this humble cafe, sometimes there are tons of customers, sometimes there are close to none.
"Sigh..."
Today is the latter, due to a certain individual in the premise.
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"... Another beer, please."
And like every good cafe, it has a TV connected into the internet for the guests to watch. Today's channel follows a certain white kitsune on stage, Shirakami Fuyuki.
Flan knows her. Very well, in fact.
Shirakami Fuyuki, also known as Eri Philomele. High School by day, Idol by night. Loved by all, multi-talented.. it's like he's just superior in... everything, compared to her.
And the only person in the other side of the counter, is...
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"Do you want to talk about it? You have been doing nothing but sighing while drinking beer for the past hour."
Crescent, music fairy, fire fairy, or hell fairy, depending on who you ask. Regardless, the fairy's going to comply to her request and open up another beer from the keg.
Sliding that drink to her, the vampire continued to drink her cup. A good drinker, especially when she's deep in thought.
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"... It's just about what I talked about before, Crescent. Even if I'm the little sister, even if I'm a vampire... I just... don't feel like I fit in. Remi tries to hide it, but I know she wants her sister back, Sakuya is doing her best to make me feel at home, although even I can't tell if she's doing it because I'm 'Flandre Scarlet', or because I'm... me, Eliza feels like she puts me on such a high pedastral at times that I feel like I may let her down, it's just... overwhelming."
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"I told you this before, but with time and Eri was in my body permenantly, everyone would be far more accepting to him than... me."
Her eyes were fixed on the screen, the white kitsune idol waving to her fans, laughing, rallying everyone up...
... Which the blonde fairy gave nothing but a sigh, turning the TV off.
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"I don't care about how good Eri is in ''replacing'' you, nor can I comment about whether that's true or not. I'm not your sister, Sakuya, or Eliza. But do you think what she's doing is out of obligation to you as you being her sister, or because she truly cares about you?"
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"I..."
The vampire sister could do nothing but look at her cup of alcohol, trying to think of words to say.
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"... I was similar to you once. Hell fairy, raised in the flames of battle. Even now, I'm still struggling to find a place among other fairies. But I'm thankful to just find a few people to be wit-"
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"Cress! I'm going to take Steve out for a walk! We're going to play fetch!"
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"STEVE IS NOT A DOG, PUT HIM BACK IN THE BOX"
Ah, usual cafe shenanigans. Crescent's going to clear her throat for a bit, before reaching to a notebook placed at the opposite desk. Ripping out a page from it, she gave that blank piece of paper to Flandre.
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"Ahem... anyways. What I want you to do, Flan, is that in your next cafe visit, write down the people who you think are the closest to. Those will be the only people that matter to you."
"You don't need everyone's approval of being the 'ideal vampire sister', Flan. Just the people who loves you for who you are. Cast that paranoia aside, and sincerely think about it. Alright?"
Flandre could do nothing but stare at the blank piece of paper, before folding it and putting it into her skirt pocket.
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"... I'm not sure how far I'll go, but I'll try. Let me finish this up, then I'll pay, Cress. Thanks."
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"Don't worry. And about Eri? Stop thinking about him. People love you because you're you. They don't want Eri acting as Flan, they want you. Even if he's somehow the perfect Flandre, no matter how good he acts, the original is what people want at the end of the day."
"Besides... the grass is greener on the other side. Good luck."
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pfhwrittes · 5 months
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i wake from my nap (dazed), check my notifications (fearful) and see that my mutuals have found the scrubs au post (sweet bliss, a wave of serenity and calm overcomes me). all is well with the world
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this-doesnt-endd · 2 months
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I WENT TO PUT A DISH IN THE SINK AND A ROACH WAS CRAWLING OUT OF IT AND THEN I WALKED BY MY BOOKCASE ABD THERE WAS A FUCKING CRICKET!!!!!!!!!!! I CANNNOT FUCKING DO THIS!!!!!!!!
#i have to go to the store tomorrow like i have to#i need to buy weather stripping since it likely came thru the hole in the corner of my door like that fuck ass worm did#cause both happened after big rains#i need drain cleaner and drain covers and a special drain cover for the bathroom cause the ac unit water comes out into my apts shower#for some fucking reason and i cant have stagnent water if a mosquito gets in here but i cant have anything crawling up that drain#i need hand sanatizer i have like three of the mini bath and body works bottles left#and honestly i use too much cause im putting it up to my elbows and sometimes i use it on my legs and feet cause if i dont#my brain is gonna convince me that im as good as dead#i also need something to trap them that keeps me as far away as possible if i have to get rid of bugs cause im so awful with it#AND BEFORE ANYONE WANTS TO BE A BITCH im sorry i dont like bugs okay if im outside i get it im in the outside its a me issue#i will panic internally but im my house absolteuly fucking not i just cant#and yaknow what i dont know why!!!!!!!#but its a big fear quite possibly verging on real phobia and if u make fun of my im gonna fucking cry#i dont know why its like this noe i uses to hold lady bugs abd worms as a kid no issue this is a recent change in my life#im also afraid of eating yogurt thats best by date was a week ago i know its irrational and i used to NEVER think abt it but now i do#and it gives me so much anxiety but i try not to waste food so i ate that yogurt in tears convinced i was gonna get terminal good poisoning#even tho i knew i wouldnt but i still cant help it it makes me so anxious brings me to tears much like bugs and i dont wanna be doing it#but my brain is wired backwards!!!!!!
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zukkaoru · 1 year
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as much as it emotionally destroyed me, i do have to say those last two pages of bsd 109 are like. the perfect cliffhanger. and i'm kind of super glad bsd releases monthly rather than weekly so it can actually hold the weight it was given
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keeps-ache · 11 months
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watched Pride and Prejudice and Zombies 👍
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orcelito · 1 year
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i really am so obsessed with how Double Agent Midvalley is gonna change the vibes with Wolfwood too. like Midvalley and Wolfwood ALREADY have some vibes due to their fight(s) in the manga. but now theyre both double agents but in different directions. two Relatively normal guys who wanted nothing to do with this battle between the angels & are STUCK HERE
also imagining that spiderman meme if/when they ever find out about each other lmfao. like what do you MEAN youre a double agent too?!? what do you MEAN!!!! IT'S FOR HIM!!!!!!!!!!??!?
Yeah.
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fingertipsmp3 · 1 year
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Why did I cancel therapy and then cry about it
#i bet that woman put down the phone thinking ‘yep we’re gonna see her again’#calling up two weeks later like hiiiiiii actually i’ve changed my mind. i am not well <3#the thing is. i know i’m not well but the overall concept of unpacking all those issues with some random stranger makes me feel like i’m#going to throw up. in other words i’m resistant to it. which… idk. i just feel like i’m not going to get anything out of this until i’m#ready to accept that i need help. which right now; i genuinely feel fine most of the time#when i DON’T feel fine… brain worms. BRAIN. WORMS. but most of the time? i’m okay#the thing that has given me the MOST anxiety out of everything that has happened this past week has literally been the therapy appointment#if i can calm down and achieve equilibrium by just not going to therapy why wouldn’t i do that? i know it’s not a no brainer but it feels#like it is. like i know the anxiety is going to come back… i have a job interview on thursday and that’s going to be bad#on the other hand i still think it’s a normal level of anxiety. maybe i’m in denial but i don’t think so#i think i need to get my blood pressure down so i can go back on birth control. i’ve been avoiding salt really well and trying to move my#body more. my watch puts me at 111 over 74 which.. i feel may not be entirely accurate just because it’s a fucking watch#but considering i’m usually at about 100 over 80 i don’t think it’s far off#i really do think 121 over 85 was a one off. i believe it. i feel it#if i go back on microgynon my mood will stabilise so hard even god won’t know i have a problem#in other words. i can’t put salt on my potato wedges. :(#personal
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cheridraws · 2 years
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So I made it through season six of my spn rewatch
I hate the fact that season 6 is probably one of my favorite seasons because of the concepts and ideas for it, but the execution is just. not great and it sours everything for me
Like… I loved the plot point of Cas, in a desperate act to defeat Raphael, making a deal with Crowley, then letting his ego get in the way so much that he really thinks he can handle the entire power of purgatory. AND that he didn’t tell Dean until it’s revealed in the final few episodes, where everything falls apart around him!! Actually all of the Cas/Crowley stuff this season is really good. And even his act of saving Sam, but Sam coming back *wrong*… like, all of those plot points are really good and I really like them; it makes for a cool analysis of Cas’s character in the earlier seasons (aka his new free will that he’s not used to mixed with his desire to protect the winchesters at all costs)
…But the execution always makes me sad because season 6 *could* be my favorite season, but the majority of the episodes are kind of a bog to get through. Like… the soulless-Sam episodes are a huge meh for me (like there are good parts and parts that made me laugh but like. those episodes are generally hard for me to get through) and I didn’t really enjoy them. There’s also a lot of filler episodes which? okay? each season has filler but this one for me made it really feel like nothing actually happens for the majority of the season. Not much plot stuff happens until Eve finally shows up, and that’s with like 4 or 5 episodes left in the season
Idk. I really love the concepts for this season, and it’s probably one of my favorite Cas-es, but it just kinda upsets me that the execution wasn’t as good as it could be. In my opinion, anyways. That’s probably bc they had to rush to make a new season after suddenly getting a new one after their planned s5 ending but. yeagh
I will say it’s my favorite season to consume art of, bc the concepts are fascinating and it’s funny to dunk on their three episode break up with Cas okay
All of this is obviously my opinion tho so feel free to disagree with all of it
Welp… onto season 7!
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just-a-cinnamon-bun · 26 days
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Guess who’s struggling mentally because of their parents? :D
#personal#my mom this time#my parents have a knack for being completely normal and then taking a hard turn into judgment town#because it really does come out of nowhere when they start dissecting everything that’s wrong with their kids#and then of course they’ll get mad when we don’t like that and make it clear that we won’t stand for it#my mom: fine if you wanna struggle with your bad decisions then do what you want! we only wanted to help!#me: you literally suggested things that would’ve either made my situation worse or worsened someone else#I don’t want to give details but it’s stuff regarding my financial troubles#I’m not in as rough a spot now as I was a couple months ago#but it’s still not an easy time trying to crawl back up with the money I’ve managed to save#and my mom is under the impression that I don’t care and am only making things worse for myself all the time#(so is my dad but he didn’t text me out of the blue to tell me that today)#(he prefers to tell me in person)#hypocritical for a woman who only makes bad financial decisions and is in piles of credit card debt#like the call is coming from inside the house#I’m lucky I have my partner who’s been supportive through my struggle and of course for helping me get out of my parents’ house#but god I hate how they worm their way back into my brain so easily#make me second guess myself constantly and make me dislike every part of me#I’ll be fine in a few hours#tomorrow at the latest#just needed to vent#I know I’ll be okay#just gonna be not okay for a bit
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maraczeks · 1 year
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bcs s6 thread pt 6
#sept 21 2023#it's so freakin g full circle too the way he ends up in nebraska omaha beach where she came frim like#jerry from parks?😭#it is literally so terrible for me out here like first brad whitfield but only as josh lyman and then it got worse w will mcavoy but kind of#as a joke but not really but now this like this is the worst bc it's so recent so it's literally jimmy now ohhhh my god i can't help it that#still can't get over it ?????? the things they've gone through and then she LEFT?#like she had to but no nooooooboonobono the way they built them up like they are so forever#but it's okay i have so much bob rhea content and then so many fics <3#also it's so interesting that they chose to do the post brba scenes in b&w when that's usually signifying the past#the close up on heels i immediately assumed it was kim girl get a grip#i've never had a non endgame ship real breakup like i can't cope this is the greatest love story there's no way it ended#and they legally still married tho oh my godddddddddd ohh i have no wife i just whimpered so loud#wait i'm i don't think i can finish tn and i'm going to cv tmw oh no#i just wanna watch mcwexler edits and bob and rhea interviewssss#i think in a week i'll watch that scene again but i'm also just like. worm in my brain wants to watch the whole show again it was so insane#creasing over how excited jimmy is that kim asked about him as if he wasn't the great and only love of her life😭😭😭😭😭 im so miserable rn#yeah this is my first actual real non endgame tragic ship and they were so perfect OH MY GOD HES CALLING HER#AND KNOWS HER NIMBER !??????? WNDHHFBFNNSNDNBFBFJDNFJDJFHJ M SHAKINGGGGGGGGGG IH JDNFNDN#i cant believe he went to nebraska i cant believe he called her i can't believe she kept her name dude dudeeee what is going on i need to kn#staring into the distance dot gif simply cannot comprehend a workd where jimmy and kim are not attached at the hip#no okay there's the b&w gif of kim on the phone and them sharing a cigarette?#still using viktor😭😭 i'm so in shambles clinging and grasping it's slipping away#two episodes left we power through#oh now what the frick i burst into tears im sobbing#the divorce paperwork hit me out of nowhere i literally can't stop crying#crying so hard like ud think my parents died or smth i literally cannot#KIM#THAT UGLY BROWN IG PLEASD AINT NO Whhyy she's living with another man NOPE THIS ID NOT#AINT NO WAY BROTHER DHE SOULD NOG#THE SONF?babdbbdvfbdbdndjxbdbfnsndncncj u hate everything KIM NO OFNDBBABYYYSYDYDHFHFJSJCI CNANDJDJSNDJDJDJDJ EVERHTHINF HURTS AND I SCEAM N
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