#okay maybe i text him a lot
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Yeah, this is me, except I'm trying not to text him too much
#⊹˚₊‧꒰ა annabelle's edit ໒꒱ ‧₊˚⊹#ashita watashi wa dareka no kanojo#tomorrow i will be someone's girlfriend#manga#pinkcore#okay maybe i text him a lot
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Being the captain means always being the one everyone turns to.
#trafalgar law#one piece#my art#ITS LATE SUMMER DEPRESSION HOURS LADS#WE’RE STRUGGLING OUT HERE#(to be clear we’re fine I just cried a lot today)#anyway vent art put all that pain on law make him suffer#(he’s already suffering)#(it’s okay just refer to yesterday’s hug drawing i think that one happens after this)#(…sure I only gave him the amber lead scars in one of them…)#(…maybe they only appear when he’s stressed/upset)#(work with me here)#anyway vent art works I just got a text the seminar I’m teaching was pushed back two weeks
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https://www.tumblr.com/cementcornfield/754280825602932736
Hi new to this fandom and was told this is the Joe’marr blog . I’d love to know your favorite moment between these two and how would you describe this dynamic cause it seems like Ja’Marr don’t play
Hi anon, welcome to the fandom and to joe'marr in general! and lol yes i do definitely post about them a lot!
ja'marr does NOT play, i agree! neither of them do about each other i'd say <3. i've described my perception of their dynamic a few times in asks (and! important to remember it's just my perception because we don't actually know any of these men personally) but here goes way too many words about it below the cut 🫡
differences and similarities
to me, they're two good friends who are seemingly very different, but complement each other well, and are actually very similar on the inside! ja'marr is outwardly more extroverted, warmer and friendlier, while joe isn't cold, necessarily, but he seems to take longer to warm up to people in general; he's never friendly just to be friendly ("he'll walk right by you and not smile" per ja'marr), and, despite recent appearances lol, is more of an introvert. (although honestly, ja'marr recently has said he's starting to prefer staying in playing video games and joe has been more out and about! so it seems like they may be rubbing off on each other!) but at their core they're both stubborn, strong, brave and have an edge to them that i think they've recognized in each other since day 1 (all those fights at LSU practices! a love of taunting!)
taking care of each other
they care about each other a tremendous amount and it seems like they are always trying to take care of each other in their own ways. ja'marr with his (maybe???) buying joe clothes and taking him out and wanting him to live his life (he must be thrilled about France Joe), and always defending him in the press (and on twitter lmao). joe always getting in extra throwing sessions with ja'marr (including and most importantly ja'marr's rookie year when he was struggling and they'd stay after practice getting extra work in), always talking up ja'marr's talent and intelligence and work ethic in the press, and he basically guaranteed him a spot on the team during the 2021 draft.
mind reading - good
they've known each other for 6 (SIX!!) years now and according to both of them they "don't need words" to understand each other at this point. which is maybe my FAVORITE thing to analyze about them lmao. because that's definitely obvious on the field. i don't think i really understood how special their on-the-field connection is (despite announcers and coaches and analysts talking about it constantly!) until i finally started understanding how the game actually works (lol i didn't watch football until 2 years ago and started understanding it even later). like, ja'marr's ability to know when to break out of his route, when to improvise when joe needs him to, and joe's ability to know exactly where ja'marr's going to be??? and all of this is happening in SECONDS while people are actively trying to bring them down through any means possible?? that's such an impossible feat and it's one they pull off all the time! and this translates to off the field for them too. one of my favorite clips ever is ja'marr describing how he can tell how joe's feeling just by how he walks in the building, and that joe can do the same for him. "i know him like the back of my hand, he knows me like the back of his" like??? ok boys! that's some soulmate shit actually!
mind reading - bad
BUT on that note, i do think that, ironically, this ability to "read each others' minds" sometimes could lead to miscommunication for them! or at least it could lead to them NOT saying things that maybe they should say out loud. i don't have a lot of concrete examples here (obviously because if they're not saying things to each other they aren't saying them to the press) but there's an interview where ja'marr's talking about his hip injury. and how he "never talked to joe about it" but he "knew in his mind that he'd come back when joe needed him" which ???? what are you talking about ja'marr?? the double mind reading there of a. expecting joe to know that he'll come back when he needs him but also b. expecting himself to know when joe would need him! like! that seems really complicated, you could just, talk to each other? maybe?
ja’marr also said that joe didn’t believe him when he told him that his presence was enough at practice, that joe thought he was joking (i guess it’s not commonplace for ja’marr to come right out and say how important joe is to him and the team! so joe probably wouldn't know what to make of that rare moment of sincerity!)
and i think they aren't talking to each other about contracts (which, fair enough, that's business), but people sure were asking ja'marr about joe's contract anyway (and they're starting to do the same for joe about ja'marr!) and we all remember a lot of ja'marr's comments that came around to bite him lol. and, i have NO proof for this one besides my projections/feelings, but i wonder if joe's worried at all about ja'marr's contract this year. if he's worried that if he doesn't perform, ja'marr won't want to stay. now, ja'marr tells the press (and twitter. and his twitch chat. and his dad.) that he wants to stay with joe, but does joe believe that? has ja'marr ever come out and actually said that to him? or is he expecting joe to just know that?
(oh man i wrote a lot in that section, and i have so little actual evidence, but it's something i love thinking about! i don't want them being too cutesy or perfect tbh. they're flawed! they're men raised in stoic sports culture and honestly i am so sure they suck at communicating. i'm sure they've had misunderstandings. i'm sure they've argued. and that's so important!)
balance
i think another thing i love about their dynamic is that ja'marr is such a good check for joe. if you haven't noticed, joe kind of runs the organization lmao. from day 1 he's been involved in the play calling, drafting, overall culture and philosophy. and that's his right! he is good at all of that! he's The Franchise (worshipped throughout the team, the city, half of the state!) and, in the beginning, i think ja'marr felt that way about joe too. joe led him to a perfect season and a national championship in college and then a super bowl his first year in the league! he himself said, right before the super bowl in 21, "he's like a god to me" which is...just a WILD thing to say about your friend :') like??? the devotion? the loyalty?? okay ja'marr!!
but, then they lose, and ja'marr "coaxes joe out of bed" to go celebrate anyway. he gets to be the one to see joe at his absolute lowest and he's the one to build him back up. and i think that really affected their dynamic from then on, to the point that ja'marr became the only guy to think of joe as an actual human being in the organization. i don't think (until very very recently with zac) that a single person other than ja'marr ever said no to joe (the way joe stayed in that titans game last year despite being hurt, at risk, and losing by so much cemented that for me!) ja'marr was the ONLY ONE to say that joe should sit out as long as he needed to for the calf. the only one not celebrating (in fact, he seemed PISSED) when joe was running around during preseason games despite not being fully healed 😭 the only one saying "come on joe let's go out" instead of just coming to him (and it seems that's finally worked lol) and joe NEEDS that. he needs that desperately! someone who will support him but call him on his shit, someone who sees him as more than just his abilities and wants what's actually best for him!
teasing <3
finally (oh my god this is SO LONG) i really enjoy how playful they are with each other. joe tends to be very Stoic and Serious (not all the time, but it's a tendency) and i think ja'marr is good at bringing him out of that. he's talked about how back at LSU he would joke around with joe and it took him a long time to finally figure out how to make him smile and laugh. and i think that's a skill he's perfected over the years! every mic'ed up between the two of them, we get to hear them tease and mess with each other. "you see that big blue thing over there??" "you couldn't overthrow me and get me in stride?" "my guy you were wide open!" (ja'marr's hands on joe's hips the entire time) "you're looking pretty slow" "be serious" and "he said you underthrew him" "yeah right" and "i ain't gonna lie, you look slow as hell" and "i'll start taking it off for you ja'marr" and "joe swears he's sneaky fast" and "hey man you're so cool!" and on and on and on! i HATE that we've never had a long form interview/podcast with BOTH of them on it because my god i want to know what an actual conversation is like between them. but i think it must be a lot of that. a lot of fond jokes, compliments hidden in teasing; we see them laughing together so often <3 and of course we CAN'T forget the UFC moves they practice on each other :) "we mess around every now and then".
the end
okay i'm stopping myself because oh my god this is so much. anon i'm sorry, you absolutely aren't going to read all of this. but it's been two years and i STILL apparently have so much to say about these two. it's ridiculous. i'm ridiculous. (but so are they!!)
#holy shit i'm insane#this is almost 2000 words about two silly football guys#who i don't actually know and never will#so like - please understand this is all just my projection and perception based on the little evidence we have#and you could have a very different idea of them#and that's okay!#it's all fandom - it's all make believe baby!#but good lord do i think about these two a lot!#it's a problem <3#haha i went back and put in subheadings so this wasn't just a massive wall of text#maybe that will make this slightly readable lmao#oh and i didn't even start on my favorite moments#tbh i can NOT choose#game ball gifting....jersey wearing...clothes buying saga....i need him to sit back and look pretty....#a lot of options!#maybe i'll make a poll lol#joe'marr#joemarr
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Dear silm fandom, concerning Fandom meta. Might be provocative for some.
‘The silm fandom is misogynistic’ ‘Feanorian fans are misunderstanding the characters’ ‘Silm fans hate Elwing’ And so on.
Can we stop? Your opinions are not better if you like feanorians. Your opinions are not better if you like peredhil. This is not black and white. I won’t argue ‘not all silm fans’, because I recognise that we have problems. But condescension will not fix them. Thank you.
#Okay#I tried to keep this post as neutral and concise as I could#Because I’m having a lot of thoughts about it#and I’m going to get very opinionated in the tags.#I am sick of feeling hated by online strangers because they think I’m a misogynist#or they think I haven’t read the text#Or they think I’m not as clever#not as understanding as they are#Yes#I am fifteen.#Maybe you do understand the text more than me.#or maybe we both have valid opinions and you can stop telling me I belong in a category that isn’t mine.#I like celegorm#i accept that Celegorm has done vile things#i am still compelled by his character#I am not fucking reading him wrong#I am trying so hard to read him right#People will say ‘I am a feanorian stan but-‘ and proceed to insult all feanorian stans#Be nice#please stop acting all high and mighty#and I get it! It’s hard!#it’s hard to have opinions and be kind about them#Because not everyone’s opinions are the same#But for god’s sake you better think so hard about what you’re saying before you post it#because you sound like you are ignoring fandom discourse and the concept of ‘morally grey’ because of woke#And I know the very things I’m saying are exactly what I’m trying to stop#But I would like some counter-representation out there#I would like some honest conversation that doesn’t involve immediate side-taking#I also love arguing#i am also very hot-headed
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I think we gotta start recognizing that "things accepted online/in leftist spaces" and "things accepted by the general public in the real world" are two very different things. like no actually gnc men are Not suddenly seen as okay because there are drag queens on tiktok. men are still beaten and harassed and ostracized and Killed for being feminine. in the us. in my very liberal city full of ppl with blue hair and pronouns I am made to feel uncomfortable and unwelcome for being a gnc guy. the tiktok comments on videos of men wearing make up are not indicative of the beliefs of most people
#idk its just very weird to see ppl imply that gnc men are accepted actually#like what world are you living in that thats true#strangers make weird comments to me all the time and I see a noticable difference between how I am treated and how gc ppl are treated#I am misgendered on purpose All The Time by randos#like absolutely point out that gnc women are treated worse/have not been accepted in spaces where gnc men have/etc#but you cannot be saying that being a feminine man is now seen as okay that is so wildly untrue in like the real actual world#this goes for a lot of other things as well#like when a woman is a creep and ppl are like 'well if the roles were reversed yall would say its bad'#and its like yeah maybe online or in your liberal friend group#ppl who call men out for things don't call out women for the same stuff#and that should be discussed#but for most of the public no one is calling out men for creepy behavior#like notoriously#also even online ppl are very hateful??? like all the time#the top 5 comments on a video of a man wearing a dress may be telling him that he hashtag slays#put I promise you for every compliment there are dozens of people calling him slurs#anyway please please please touch some grass engage in social issues outside of instagram I'm begging#ghost posts#text
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I like doomed narratives but my ultimate Wizard101 NPC ending is the Young Wizard living in a nice secluded place with all their friends (all the necromancers, Ceren, Nolan, fuck you Boris you can live outside, Dasein, the Schismist Soldier, Mellori and the Bat) like a little village but they're all roommates and they do things like farming and brewing hot tea on Sundays free from Ambrose and the rest of the damned Spiral
#ik thats a lot of people HALSJDLDHDH#but in my version of Wizard101 that's everyone's ending. they get to heal together#i know i said all of the necromancers but i think i like it better if duncan was like maybe separate#not because i hate him but because im a huge believer of not being able to heal when the person who hurt you is right there#AND EVEN THOUGH WE DIDNT HURT HIM ON PURPOSE we're still a source of his trauma and i cant see duncan living with us right away yknow#like maybe later on in life but i like him better on his own off in the spiral to see the world and humble himself#*with artur and susie because he loves them#BUT YEA my wizard lives with everyone else at the Very End. fuck you ambrose /lh but /srs#the odd ones out honestly are ceren and nolan bc iirc in canon they dont go thru any type of shit. theyre fine#the rest of the group i mentioned have FLASHBACKS. theres some Trauma Periodt. in their cereal for breakfast#but i mean ceren and nolan can come if they want its fine#i MEAN IT about boris he CANNOT COME#yeah i said the schismist soldier. thats just my personal fantasy ik he hates us#here i am saying duncan cant be around us but thr schismist soldier ABSOLUTELY cannot be around us. but in my world he can! im a hypocrite!#itd be funny if he was still like. just a liiitle bit obsessed but its not because of his inferiority and god complexes he's just gay for us#......yeah im biased okay look he's hot leave me alone /lh#wizard101#w101#wiz101#text posts
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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one of those crying in the shower kind of days
#my 'best friend' stood me up today#and by stood me up i don't mean canceled last minute i mean didn't show up and only responded to my calls and texts after 45 min#why? she was hanging out with some guy (she met him last week. he's not a christian.) and lost track of time#she's also initiated no contact with me over the last few weeks#the explenation was she thought i was busy with my thesis. as if you can't check in on someone when they're busy#she also gosted me for 3 days (like a month ago??) cause she was asked to share at student group and i couldn't go CAUSE I WAS SICK#I'm just so tired of it at this point#but it's also made me realise i dont really have any close friends#i have lots of friends. sure. and i trust them too. but it's not the kind of close where i can write to them when I've got a problem#like maybe I'd tell them live if they asked me? but I wouldn't really write to them it would just be weird#and so who do I tell that I met S's parents yesterday and even though so many things have happened since then already thats the only one#I can think about???? or that he actually CALLED ME afterwards specifically to tell me what they thought of our church#or that his mom apparently asked him if our relationship was still weird and he said 'yes' and I've been overthinking it cause i thought we#were finally okay and normal and genuinely just friends?#or that his mom said my look is that i dress vintage and it made me SO HAPPY!! that's my look!!! that's how I'm recognisable!!!#the answer is nobody. i have no one to tell :(#mine#s#I'm sorry I guess I had to vent this prolly turned out really really long
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DON'T MANIFEST AKUTAGAWA'S FEELINGS BEING UNREQUITED WAGEHGAHTJSHHAJ
But does it count as manifesting if I'm just stating facts 🤔😔😔
#sskk#people asks me stuff#Jk. Or maybe not.#Idk I used to have a HUGE sskk-is-unrequited-love phase around June–#and in a way I still think as far as the manga events go Atsushi didn't feel anything but loathing for Akutagawa up to at least chapter 87#(While Akutagawa stopped hating Atsushi on the Moby Dick fight. C'mon guys. I've seen some.........#Questionable takes over who fell first in sskk recently. Do you really believe that Atsushi said to Akutagawa's face the words#“I think Dazai-san has recognized of you a long time ago” and Akutagawa didn't fall for him right there right now.)#But like... Okay I don't want to make this too big because there's so much to unwrap here and it wouldn't fit in the tags but#For how I see it. it's totally believable to read the manga thinking Akutagawa is in love with Atsushi. like seriously it's just there.#“As long as I can't deny your very being I'll never be able to move forward” “You know the reason yourself don't you”#“Is his life that precious to you” “From the beginning the hole was only for his ally to flee through”#I'm not making this stuff up I'm literally just reading the text#While Atsushi is just there being objectively the WORSE he's ever been with everyone @Akutagawa which is undeniably hilarious on one hand–#and tragically sad on the other. He really DOES NOT care about Akutagawa? He barely ever showed compassion towards him#Which tbh!! It's a lot and it... Doesn't particularly bother me‚ because even if negatively it does show Akutagawa is someone who's–#special for Atsushi#he's like no one else for him#and that's so juicy!!!#It's delicious to explore this hidden aspect of Atsushi's character through the effect Akutagawa has on him#And even though I believe Atsushi didn't love Akutagawa for the most time... There's still plenty of room for things to change.#We still have to see how he'll react to meeting him again. It's possible that Akutagawa's last deed might have changed the judgement–#Atsushi has on him‚ and I can't wait to find out! If anything‚ Akutagawa appeared in Atsushi's mind which is... Something
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MAYBE IT WOULD STRENGTHEN THE STORY IF THEY GOT TOGETHER ACTUALLY 🖕
#text#and fuck that one guy who was my mutual for yearsssss and i thought she was so cool but over time she started vagueing me like#all the fucking time 😭#forever thinking abt how she saidf one of my headcanons wasnt 'realistic' bc how could one character be 4'11'' and the other be like.#i dont remember the exact number but Tall. she was like Its not realistic .#?!?!?!?!? fellas is it unrealistic to be short and have a tall boyfrien d#BUT LIKE she was like yeah i hate when ppl who ship this thing make it their whole focal point of the story i think it cheapens the themes#of the story like GIRLLL. first of all who cares if someone posts about a fictional couple a lot. SECOND OF ALL#MAYBE in a story about isolation & belonging having a character whose ending is just. Being even more alone & isolated than he was at the#beginning would be improved by him falling in gay t4t love with the main character actually. BUT WHAT DO I KNOW#and i mean sure theres a lot of other endings he couldve had that didnt involve falling in love BUT THAT WAS THE ONE I WAS REALLY INTO#ON ACCOUNT OF HOW I WAS REALLY AUTISTIC ABOUR THEM. ANYWAY I DONT EVEN CARE.#i was rhe one to take the initiative and block her btw 😭theres only so many times u can see someone vaguepost abt u before its like#man if u cant bring urself to block me i'll do it for u 😭😭#OKAY DONE FOR REAL NOW SORRY.
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#my husband was in a weird mood on sunday and when i asked why he said it was because he is mad at my family#obvi I was like wut#but he explained they havent checked up on me very much if at all#but when they dont feel good or are sick or whatever i check in a lot and i organized covid care packages for them#and yeah he's right#my sister im with all the time texted me the other night#but that was it#havent heard a damn thing from my mom#talked to my dad on fathers day but mostly about him which was fine#nothing from my oldest sister#and maybe its because im still sending snapchats to them so they think im doing okay#idk i mean its fine but a little recognition would be nice#anyway i went to the bathroom now i feel like i could use a nap
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Absolutely horrific heart pounding nightmare woke me up for the day. That's. a start to it lmao
#text post#it started out so cool and had like. Jim as a diver? in something v futuristic for some docu that olu was narrating#but it just got. horrible minute by minute#Olu's narration revealed that the earth had been decimated by a war involving multiple nuclear weapons#and somehow things were like. okay enough for some survivors like him and jim to make it? but things were V Fucked lmao#then midway thru jims device/pod thing broke and it felt like i was literally controlling them thru an ocean under the crust of the earth#(no idea what that's abt lmao i think my brain spaced on set dressing this dream a lil bit)#and it was like trying to swim them thru pudding but with so many irradiated and fucked up and ANGRY sea creatures all around#i got them to the surface after floating past a bunch of bodies but they were basically out of air by then so they were gasping hard#and i woke up right then and woke up basically the same way lmao#it's been several minutes now and my heart is still pounding like mad#and im crying a little and can't seem to stop but today i set aside to try and force myself to have a good big cry#i need to find something to watch to make me cry tho so maybe s2 thus far again lol bc certain moments might do it#more likely i need to see what else i have from my past watchlists that are Guaranteed Cry items and try one of those#so i can get over this current thing with the ptsd and get my shit back together even temporarily#duct tape that all back together in the box in my brain until the next random trigger (bc i still dunno exactly what made this one go)#i think it might actually be my brain processing late a lot of Move Feelings re: mum & family bc that's what Housemate#and i talked abt last night a lot but ultimately im ???? as to a for sure trigger#anyway GOOD FUCKING MORNING i guess aksndjffjfj
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[image ID: a screenshot of a discord chat with username “wenge (when-gay)’ carrying out a one-sided conversation expressing her reluctance and fears regarding driving at 1:08 a.m. the other person in the conversation’s responses are not shown]
#when your boy politely suggests you move to the next difficulty level in driving#we were both speaking but i was typing my answers because i dont have my voice right now#i think in order he said 'you need to learn to drive faster' & when i asked how fast he said first 25 (wont kill me) then 40 (will kill me)#he then said we move from 40 to 65 to which i hit him with 50 50 50 what happened to 50#the keysmash happened when he told me to drive to his house#in other words you can see the moment my brain short circuited#i normally feel bad sharing text conversations but i dont feel bad here because its only my responses#the only one being blasted is myself for being a cant drive gay#i get that there arent many 30 zones but 25 to 40 is a lot okay#i went on a 40 road exactly once and it ended quite terribly. scared the driving instructor#why do highways have to exist why do highways have to be 60+ zones why me just why#i said merging because i thought that would be the next difficult skills to tackle and he was like um no#and hit me with the 'you need to learn to make turns at more than 2mph before you worry about merging lanes neo'#25 to 40 is a lot and im not even on 25s yet i am still in 10mph zones. i have to graduate up to 25 still#we started on 25s and he was like hmmmmmmmm maybe i over estimated you lets go to the 10s#like a disappointed teacher discovering the kid who bragged about ice skating actually cant ice skate at all#i cant drive i cant dance i dont know karate.... face it... im never gonna make it#neo rants#photo post#i know i need to drive and not hide behind mcr references but i just really dont like driving#i will get there slowly but surely but that doesnt mean i cant whine and cry about it on the way there#like sailor moon intended#also i took 3d6 psychic damage because after all the fighting about the plans for the car he suggested my own original idea to me#my idea was to leave the car with my mom and now hes presenting this idea the very first idea i suggested as if he came up with it#i cant live in this society
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filling out this uh client intake form thingy. hand is starting to hurt from writing so much
#there isn’t a lot of space on the paper to request everything we would like to so we’re hoping when we see her again she’ll be okay with#us asking. or hm maybe it’d be alright if we grabbed some spare notebook paper and wrote everything down? maybe that would work#i know next appointment we’ll need to go into everything about us as the playing field system? i think#i hope she doesn’t make us do final fusion… we really don’t want that. we just need functional multiplicity#AH we need to do schoolwork now. okay okay#four: text (any/all)#five: text (he/they)#three: text (he/him)#nan: text (he/they/it)
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last night everyone was having traumas back to back and I wish none of it happened but it feels nice to be the first person they call
#at least your birthday was technically over#and poor kay#feel so sad for her#life mang#I wanna not be at my busy ugly job today#at least I ate my weight in mini blueberry pancakes today#didn’t sleep enough and have lots of anxiety today#listened to noah kahan on break because his voice soothes my brain#my poor niece man#the text she just sent depressed me so bad#I'm too sensitive to other peoples pain like whyyyy do I feel it too#it's also her tho and never want her to be heartbroken#maybe it'll be best in the long run though idk anymore#itll work out how it's suppose to but also idk if u can come back from that#asking and hearing that response l'd be done for sure#but it sucks and I wanna protect her from stuff like this#shes strong and she'll be okay with or without him#she just doesn't know that right now and is being delulu about it because she loves him#let’s see what happens this time#could just be smoothed over again but I’ll definitely see him differently now#and worry about this happening every few months because she deserves more#sucks cus he’s a really good kid and takes care of her but obviously needs to work through things alone rn and grow#just want her to be happy and feel emotionally safe especially with all the abandonment issues she’s gotta have hurts me#poor kid it sucks#she’ll be okay though
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📱😪
#well glad i finally stopped overthinking for three days and sent the damn text#i get if things are super hectic with work and everything immediate i do--but if we've still been feeling each other we'd still find a way#to connect?#i thought dinner with him went well a few weeks back--and would've gone better at mine if not for shitty super (big stressor) halfassing a#roof leak repair job in his closet making him have to go handle that after it rained a little during dinner#but we kissed goodbye saying we'd hang labor day and i told him to text me once home or about how the leak goes and he never did#but okay things were stressy and he forgot no worries#labor day came and i followed up day of not having heard from him and did an afternoon in the park after not hearing back#he apologized the next day saying he was going through a lot and i understood and said i'd still like to help take his mind off things--nada#he works weekends so i sent him a doggo video on IG to help some and checked in the next Monday asking if we did still want to hang again#and that i'd missed him--he apologized last Tuesday saying work was chaos and that he was two-weeksing his part time job#i understood and asked what he planned on doing from there to have us talking--nothing#but he did see the doggo video finally and said 'thanks for the doggo c:'#i did also have a free evening on thurs from a day off with mom so i low-presh said 'hey if you wanna hang?' and nothing#last thing was i asked on Sunday how his week was going and nothing#what confused me is that through all this he would still pop into my IG stories and like things which makes me think 'interest'#but i'd low-pressure like or comment a thing on his and i wouldnt get anything#and also still kinda seeing him on the site we met on with a guy leaving him a bj review a few weeks ago... which#it's fine it's been two dates so sure--but i'm also v much wanting to do things with him too and i'm kinda right there??#so all this to say that i felt like i had to just see if we are doing okay given it's been hard to tell#...but i did so much overthinking on how to phrase it the past 2-3 days before finally sending it#saying that if we are i'd like us to connect a bit more and that maybe Snapchat could help with that#[we probably should've traded SCs already 🥲]#anyway we'll see how that goes but idk as much as i've liked our chemistry i kinda feel like--to quote The Drums' 626 Bedford Ave--#i dont get near what i've been givin'#(space considerations for the hecticness aside ofc#so if we can communicate a bit better that'd be nice but could also gear toward an end so we'll see with the ball in his court#anyway thanks for reading that pre-bed vent#you're now imagining a corgi about to go paddling on a boat as a treat :)#🥱
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