#okay maybe I did let it rot for a bit BUT I DIDN'T FORGET ABOUT IT | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

redbullgirly · 9 months ago

Note

Hellooo 👋, can you write enemies to lovers with fernando alonso maybe with some angst? 🤭

It's totally alright if you don't want to! Thankssss :))

EL DESTINO [FA14 oneshot]

Fernando Alonso x reader

Masterlist

Summary: Y/N works for Alpine, and even though Fernando Alonso isn't part of the team anymore, they can't forget their distaste for each other. The driver seems to think she's just an irresponsible party girl and Y/N doesn't like him because he's, well... annoying and mean and doesn't care about anybody but himself. Though could they be both wrong in their prejudices?

Word Count: 4.5k

Warnings: Not much, maybe they're kind of mean to each other and stupid at the start, but that's the point of enemies to lovers, right? XD

Author's Note: Hello Anon and thank you for the request! I didn't expect it to turn out so long, but hey XD. I hope you and everybody else will like it. Also I tried for a little bit of angst, but I'm not sure if I'm good at it... you can let me know :).

If anyone could read your thoughts at the moment, you’d probably end up locked behind bars and with the key from your cell thrown far away. Whoever's great idea was to allow the group of inexperienced interns to touch the important data and statistics deserved to rot seven feet underground. Chopped into small pieces. And doused in poison that eats their lifeless body until there's nothing left.

Okay, that's maybe a bit too violent, but still not far from the truth.

You rubbed your tired eyes, not caring about smudging the mascara anymore. There was basically no one left in the building, just a few mechanics desperately needing the cars to be in perfect condition tomorrow – or should we say today? And then there was you, who stupidly agreed to fix the disaster caused by too much excitement and not enough cautiousness. You knew the interns didn't do it on purpose, and blaming them wasn't going to help you, but still. It wasn't them who had to sit there long after their working hours ended, staring into a too bright computer screen.

When you finally managed to save all the damaged data, it was almost three in the morning, and before you made it back to the hotel, you weren't sure if it was even worth going to bed. Because of the emergency, you didn't have time to finish your usual duties. And even though it wouldn't be fair to want the analysis from you, that wasn't how the game was played in motorsport.

Legs almost giving out under you, you dragged yourself to the elevator. The poor lady sitting at the receptionist desk looked at you skeptically, but didn't say anything as you stepped in and pressed the button with the number of your floor on it. Generic music started playing, numbing your brain even more.

The metal door was about to close, but then a hand came between it. Before you blinked and processed what's happening, a man slipped into the elevator right next to you, pressing his own number.

You see, everything could have been fine. You could've just survived the thirty seconds of embarrassing silence, then mumble a polite goodbye and go to sleep in peace. But no. Fate apparently had other plans for you.

Because as the man turned to you and the bright light hit his face, you realized it wasn't just some stranger.

Suddenly, the silence shifted from the normal elevator weirdness to tension. You pressed your lips together, silently cursing the higher power that decided to mess with your life just today, when you looked like a zombie. With smudged mascara. Perfect.

For someone, maybe it would be a fulfilled dream to be in an elevator with Fernando Alonso. Two time World Champion, great driver, loved person. And a dickhead that almost ruined your whole career.

“You look like you had a wild night,” he murmured with a thick Spanish accent. You narrowed your brows, trying to control the anger bubbling inside of you. Was he trying to insult you? You wouldn't even be surprised.

“Perhaps I did, thank you very much.” Your voice lacked any signs of friendliness, clearly trying to provoke him. It was quite funny, really, how a minute ago you didn't have energy to think clearly, and now you were ready to argue with this man over anything. Almost like the magic of despising someone.

You noticed his jaw tensing and knew it wouldn't be good. But still, his words hurt: “Maybe if you focused more on doing your job instead of wild nights out, Alpine would do better.”

The sting in your chest was strong, but by some miracle the elevator finally stopped, and the robotic voice announced the twenty-sixth floor. Even life itself took pity on you, it seemed.

Without any other word, you turned away from Alonso and walked into the empty hallway, hearing a quiet scoff and then the door sliding closed again behind you, leaving you all alone in the darkness. How poetic.

Every door you passed looked exactly the same, and you just hoped you remembered your room number correctly.

You didn't even remember taking out the card and entering your temporary home for the weekend. You didn't remember taking your clothes off, removing the remaining makeup with a tissue because you were too tired for your usual skin care routine. You didn't remember responsibly setting up your alarm and then falling into the soft mattress.

All you could remember before the exhaustion took over were his words that cut deeper than he thought, and deeper than you'd like to admit.

-----

You couldn't believe it.

As you walked out of the debrief, you could basically feel everybody's frustration crawling up your spine, mixing with your own. The team, all the mechanics and engineers, pit crew members and marketing, hundreds of people worked so hard the whole week. And for what?

It was already bad when both cars didn't finish the last Grand Prix in Silverstone. But for it to happen again? That was downright embarrassing. Not only did it bring exactly zero points in the Constructors' Championship, but the drivers were angry, disappointed. You could see that in the team, the motivation level decreased quickly. And honestly, you couldn't blame them.

Last year, Alpine was the fourth-best car on the grid. Best of the rest, as they'd call it. But this season, everything was going terribly. You honestly weren't far from crying.

To lighten up the mood, some of your colleagues decided to enjoy a night out in Budapest before you'd have to fly to Belgium tomorrow, to prepare for yet another racing weekend. At first, you declined the offer, insisting you needed to catch up on some work, do analysis for the car and figure out exactly what happened to it. But then, one of the mechanics you were friendlier with saw your drooping shoulders, and pulled you into the club despite all your weak protests.

Soon enough, you let loose and after an hour, you were a few drinks in. Your head was spinning, a big smile planted on your lips and giggles coming out of your mouth uncontrollably. Not that you had low alcohol tolerance, but the last time you got properly drunk was some time ago. Perhaps you just forgot how it felt. The freedom, the sweet mist of oblivion clouding your mind.

Currently, you were sitting at the bar, sipping on a cocktail. You already enjoyed your time on the dance floor, which tired you more than expected. Thank God you went to the club right from the paddock, so instead of high heels that'd kill your feet, you had comfortable sneakers on.

As you waved at the young barman to give you another round of whatever he mixed for you before, you felt someone's eyes on your back. You didn't bother to turn around, thinking it was just another drunken man checking out half of the women in the club.

Then, someone stood behind you. “The drink's on me, hermosa,” the man said, voice smooth like honey. You froze. You knew that deep, thick Spanish accent too well. What the hell was Alonso doing here?

He clearly mistook your silence for an impressed one, or so you thought when he came to sit down next to you, his hand gently brushing your back. That was the moment you turned your head towards him, eyes wide, and his face dropped. So did yours.

You hoped for a split second you could pretend you were total strangers randomly meeting in a bar for just a little longer when he instantly frowned and his demeanor changed from charming gentleman to pain in the ass.

“Y/L/N,” he uttered it in a way that made you wonder if there was something wrong with your last name. “Guess I shouldn't be surprised to see you here.”

And here it was — the instant wave of anger and hurt he managed to bring up by just a few poking words.

“Says the right person.” You rolled your eyes, the flowing feeling the alcohol gave you before now gone. You felt like you were going to be sick. “I bet if it wasn't me you tried to hit on, you'd bring the poor woman to your hotel room tonight.”

“Careful, or you might sound jealous.”

“Oh, you wish, Alonso,” you laughed humorlessly.

The bartender chose that moment to bring you the requested cocktail you already forgot about. You gave him the cash, though you had no intention of actually drinking it. As always, Alonso left a sour taste in your mouth.

“I see you're drinking the team problems away,” he pressed harder, knowing damn well it was a sensitive topic. You gritted your teeth, reminding yourself to be the better person.

Then you looked into his dark eyes, and your self-control was gone. For some reason, you couldn't stand the look he was giving you. It was full of something that was too similar to disappointment. You hated people being disappointed in you, even if you hated that very person.

Out of nowhere, the alcohol kicked in, and you remembered why you didn't drink in clubs too often — it made you emotional. So stupidly sensitive that you couldn't stop your eyes from tearing up. You shook your head, opened your mouth, wanting to tell him something. Anything that'd make him just as much hurt as you were.

Instead, you bit your trembling lip and abruptly stood up. You almost knocked over the bar stool, though at the moment, you didn't really care.

Was it cowardly to run away from him and his harsh words? Yes, you knew that. But you did it in the elevator, and so you could do it again.

In a rush, you got through other people enjoying their night out, oblivious to the lump forming in your throat. You needed to get out, breathe in the fresh air and just forget about everything.

It was probably nearing midnight, and even though it was late July, you still shivered when you stepped outside the club. Just then you remembered you left your jacket back in the paddock. And you also realized the mechanic and his group of friends drove you here, and you had no idea where you were or how to get to your hotel room.

“Great. Just fucking perfect,” you mumbled to yourself, a few tears running down your cheeks. You wiped them away, willing yourself to calm down. Budapest couldn't be too different from other European cities, so you'd just walk to the nearest public transport station and then see what you could do from there. Yes, that was exactly what you're going to do, and it's going to be okay.

Having a plan calmed you down, at least a little. You walked in a direction you hoped would get you to the center and took your phone out. The battery was low, and you cursed yourself for not charging it during the day.

“Where are you going?” You winced and nearly dropped the phone when you heard the loud voice calling after you.

When you turned around, you already knew exactly who was standing before the club entrance.

“That's not any of your business,” you tried to sound tough, but it came out tired and weak. So instead, you lifted your head, trying to save the remaining bits of your dignity.

Alonso tilted his head, brown eyes studying you for a moment before he made a step towards you. “Don't tell me you don't have anyone to take you back to your hotel?” The undertone of his voice was strange, and if you didn't know better, you'd think it was worry seeping out.

“Oh, then I won't tell you,” you fired back, satisfied with your own answer as you turned around and left him standing there.

You made it around the block when a strong hand suddenly grasped your hand, and you screamed, prepared to fight whoever attacked you.

“¡Ay dios mío!” Alonso cursed and held his red cheek, where there was a clear hand print now.

You stared at each other in shock. You wanted to kill him for scaring you to death, but at the same time, you were relieved it was just him and not a creepy kidnapper.

“I'd say I'm sorry… but I'm not,” you managed to mumble. A weak attempt, you knew that. But it still seemed to wake him from his trance and make him scoff at you in annoyance.

However, he didn't let go of your hand.

“Let's go,” Alonso urged you back towards the direction you came from.

“I'm not going anywhere with you.”

“Y/N, if you think I would let a drunk girl wander around a city she doesn't know, alone, at night… then you clearly don't know me at all.”

It took a few seconds for his words to hit you, and all there was left for you to do was to look up at him with surprise written all over your face. That seemed to annoy him for some reason, but with alcohol still very much present in your system, you didn't have the capacity to think about it too much.

“Let's go,” he repeated, though this time you didn't protest when he started walking towards what turned out to be his car. You knew it very well, from the years you used to work together, for the same team. Silently, you wondered how the hell did he get it to Hungary, but you soon forgot about that.

Fernando unlocked the car and opened the passenger door for you. Your mom would probably tell you to be more cautious about getting into the car of a man you didn't like and were sure he didn't like you as well. But hey, it's still better than being lost in a foreign city, right?

So you sat down, and before you could reach for the seatbelt, he took it and strapped you himself, mumbling something about safety hazards with drunk people. You were so surprised by that unexpected action you didn't even have time to feel offended.

You closed your eyes, the comfortable seat making you sleepy. You heard him get in the car as well and join the night traffic. For a moment, silence reigned and for the first time in a long time, it didn't feel horrible and tense.

“Isn't it illegal to drive with alcohol?” you whispered, eyes still closed.

“I didn't drink anything in the club. Too busy with you.”

Just then, you realized you actually asked the question out loud.

“Sorry for ruining your celebration night. Probably didn't want to leave it with me,” you laughed quietly. When he approached you in the club, he thought you were a random pretty woman with whom he could share a drink and take her to his bed for a fun night.

“Whatever.” You could hear him shrug his shoulders. “Sorry for ruining your night. Though you don't have much to celebrate.”

That made you open your eyes and gaze at him. He was looking straight ahead, concentrating on the road ahead. The lights of the other cars occasionally landed on his face, and you wondered if he was always so handsome, or it were the cocktails speaking for you.

“Wow, even in an apology there's a hidden insult,” you snickered, though there was a small grin on your lips now. Yes, definitely the alcohol speaking for you, you told yourself.

This time, Fernando actually looked at you before he averted his sight back to the traffic. “I wasn't insulting you, Y/N. I was insulting the team.”

You raised your eyebrows, but didn't comment on it. It was pointless to argue over this, he had his opinion about Alpine and given the fact both your cars didn't finish two races in a row, you didn't have exactly the best arguments to convince him otherwise. After all, he was part of the team last year. And the year before.

For the rest of your ride, there wasn't much more said between the both of you. You were tired — not just because of the night out and drinking, but from the whole week, from the whole season.

Finally, he parked the car before a building you recognized. You didn't ask him how he knew which hotel your team booked, perhaps he remembered it was the same one as the year before. Honestly, you were just glad he helped you get out of the car and walked you inside.

Then, you found yourself in an elevator alone with Fernando, again. Though unlike a month ago, he gently held your hand for support this time.

You told him your room number and somehow, he got you all the way in front of the door. You thanked all the saints in the world when you dug the keys out of your purse. After three unsuccessful tries at unlocking the room, Fernando's patience apparently ran out. He took the keys out of your hand and silently opened the lock.

“Thanks,” you muttered, and let him lead you inside your own hotel room.

When the light switch turned on and illuminated all the papers lying around, he looked at you, flabbergasted.

“What's all this?”

You shrug your shoulders and look at him like he was stupid. Which he was, at least in your humble opinion. “Work. What else?”

“Yes, yes. But why is it… here?” He motions towards the desk, nightstands, and bed.

“Because I don't have time to do it all in the office.”

“You work overtime?”

Now you were starting to get irritated.

“Yes, I work overtime. Maybe if you weren't so insistent in thinking I'm a dumb party girl ever since I made one stupid mistake in your car's analysis a year ago, you'd see I'm actually trying my best.” You hated how hurt you sounded, pathetic in your own ears.

But honestly, who was he to judge you? You never actually stood up to him before, defended yourself against his mean words. You always sucked it up, let him complain about you to your boss, who almost fired you because of the driver's obvious distaste for you. And when he left the team at the end of last year, you never tried to contact him, talk to him. Fix your non-existent relationship.

Today, though, you had enough. Maybe it was the alcohol giving you courage, maybe it was his shocked face when he realized you actually did your job.

“Y/N, I-”

“Get out,” you said in a tone that didn't allow for any objections. Fernando seemed to understand, but the pained expression didn't leave his face when he slowly walked to the door. Like he didn't really want to leave, like he desperately wanted to tell you something.

You didn't care about him. He never cared about you before as well, did he?

And so, with one last, regretful look in his dark eyes, Fernando Alonso left your hotel room. When tears ran down your cheeks, you weren't sure why you were even crying.

-----

You were avoiding him after that. It wasn't the easiest thing to do, but you managed and after surviving the Belgian Grand Prix in Spa, you were excited about the summer break as never before. Almost a whole month without races, which meant you wouldn't have to meet anyone from the other teams, including Fernando.

Usually, the team worked tirelessly through the summer break — it was a great chance to have a proper look into the car's engine and come up with new ideas and improvements. God knew you needed that. Typically, you were amongst those loyal employees, basically living in the Alpine headquarters.

However, this year you really wanted a break. So you used your vacation days and stayed in your flat, finally sleeping like a normal person for once, eating home-cooked meals instead of team catering and enjoying the summer, though the weather could be better in England.

It was the start of August when you started finding flower deliveries on the threshold of your door. First, you thought it's a mistake, though what woman would refuse a beautiful bouquet of her favorite flowers. When it happened a whole week in a row, you thought about having a secret admirer or, in the worse case scenario, a stalker. Though, you still took the flowers inside every morning, cherishing them.

And then, one day, there was an envelope attached to the bouquet, and you had to curse yourself for being so, so stupid. Of course it's him, Fernando. Begging you to talk to him, to let him explain. One dinner, he said. One dinner, and then he'll let you go on about your life.

When he tried to write a poem in the middle of August, you finally gave in. You found his old phone number saved amongst many other contacts and sent him a simple “okay”.

The next morning, there was a time and address of the restaurant in the envelope.

You didn't let yourself get too excited about any of it. It's Fernando Alonso, the man who almost caused you to get fired from your dream job, the one that was so mean to you after making wrong assumptions about you and your way of life. Yes, he was trying now, but was that enough?

When the taxi dropped you off in front of the fancy restaurant, you took a deep breath. You had a simple dress on, light makeup, and a few accessories.

You walked into the empty restaurant. The waitress smiled at you when you told her the name of the reservation and led you to the only set table. You could see the deep brown eyes looking directly at you from afar.

Suddenly, nervousness settled in your stomach. If you didn't know better, you'd think this was a date — it certainly felt like one.

Without a word, he helped you sit down on a chair across from him and the waitress handed you the menu. It was without prices, but you were certain this place was lavish and expensive. Perhaps Fernando didn't want you to worry about it and let you order anything you wanted. And you tried not to be too impressed by that.

“You look very beautiful, hermosa,” he spoke after a minute of tense silence while you pretended to be interested in the menu. You didn't miss the fact he used the same nickname like that night in the club, when he thought you were someone else.

“Compliments won't make it easier for you.” Maybe you lied, because you liked him calling you beautiful.

“I know, but I couldn't help myself.”

The waitress came back with a bottle of wine that Fernando must've ordered before you arrived. You took a sip and it tasted like heaven. It almost made you forget about everything, almost.

“Please, can we talk?” You never heard his voice sound so… unsure.

“Aren't we talking right now?”

“Y/N.” The way he said your name was so soft, so delicate.

“Fernando.” You saw him flinch, and you realized it was probably the first time you called him by his first name. Suddenly, the whole situation felt more intimate.

He gulped, but there was determination written all over his face. Fernando Alonso wasn't the type of man to give up, you knew that. His amazing racing career was proof of that.

“Listen to me, please. I know that you have the right to never speak to me again after how I treated you. But I want to fix it, Y/N.”

Those brown eyes were going to be the death of you, burying themselves into your soul, your heart.

“I want to fix all of it, Y/N,” he repeated with all seriousness. “If you let me,” Fernando added.

And how could you say no to him? Deep down, you always admired him. Liked him, even. Before that fuck up with his car's analysis, you thought he might like you back. You always wanted his approval, and that was one of the reasons why his words and insults hurt so much.

Sometimes, people deserved second chances. Especially when they were looking at you like you hung the stars in the sky.

Slowly, you nodded. “I think I might let you, Fernando.” You smiled, liking how his name felt on your tongue. “But it's not going to be easy, I'm telling you that,” you warned him with a raised finger.

“I wouldn't dream of anything less,” he replied with a thick Spanish accent that was stronger when he felt emotions. Fernando returned your smile and clinked his glass with yours.

-----

Brazil was a good race. Both Alpine cars ended up in points and Fernando, your Fernando, got another podium. You clapped along with others during the podium ceremony, eyes just for him. A proud feeling settled in you, and as he accepted his trophy for well deserved third place, he looked down at the gathered crowd. Mostly people from Aston Martin, McLaren, and Red Bull.

And then there was you — in your Alpine t-shirt, clapping for the driver who scandalously left your team last year, without a care in the world. That was when he knew he loved you, and that he'll always will.

You knew you loved him too when, after all the celebrating around the circuit died down or moved to clubs and private parties, instead of going to his hotel room, he knocked on the door of yours. Checking on you.

“Hermosa, I hope you're not working.” He rolled his eyes as he stepped in, seeing you indeed staring into your notebook at some data he probably shouldn't see as a part of a rival team.

“But Nando, I need to finish these-”

He cut you off the best way he could — hugging you from behind, gently turning your head towards him and placing his lips on yours. You instantly melted into the kiss, giving up the fight before it could even start.

“I think you need to properly celebrate your boyfriend winning,” he smirked, biting your lip teasingly. You felt like a teenage girl when the butterflies took off in your stomach.

Fernando slowly walked you to the bed, never parting your lips, as if his life depended on kissing you. You sat on his lap, your hips grinding against his as you moaned into his mouth.

And he couldn't help himself. He wanted to take you out on a magical date and tell you there, but how could he keep it a secret when you were sitting on him, so beautiful that his heart clenched. Smart and pretty girl. His smart and pretty girl.

“Te amo,” he whispered into your sweet lips, and your breath caught.

You pulled back a little, looking at him, silently asking if you heard him correctly.

“Te amo, Y/N,” he repeated. You knew enough Spanish for your eyes to tear up. “I love you very much.”

There was a heartbeat of silence, probably the longest one in your whole life.

“I love you too. So much,” you whispered back. And then, for him: “Te amo, Fernando.”

Now it was his turn to tear up, hold your face in his hands and press your foreheads together.

Perhaps the fate and its plans for you weren't so horrible after all.

THE END

Author's Note: Wow, if you read it all to the end, thank you very much! I'll be glad for likes, comments, reblogs, follows and every other way of support. Let me know how you liked this story and if you'd maybe like another oneshot from this "universe" because I have to admit, this version of Fernando and Y/N kind of grew on me... Have a great day and see you at the next post! :)

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joongernaut · 1 year ago

Text

glitter

⇢ pairing(s): park seonghwa x reader

⇢ genres: childhood friends to almost strangers to lovers, SMUT, fluff, a little angst but literally just a smidge

⇢ warnings: tooth-rotting fluff (i could not help myself with this one), subby-ish seonghwa because we love desperate men around here, oral sex (fem receiving), vaginal sex, cowgirl, reader gets called 'noona' once, creampie (i simply forgot to write in a condom but practice safe sex everyone!)

⇢ word count: 3955

⇢ author's note: well this took a bit longer than expected but i was able to proofread and tie up the loose ends on this fic last night and now here we are! this is also my way of wiggling into writing for ateez more as they are one of my favorite groups 😁 also the song title is based off the song glitter by jamilah barry <3 enjoyyy

✧

“Did you know your little boyfriend is back in town?”

The question stopped you in mid-sip of your cup of tea as you peered over the rim of the mug at your roommate, Hongjoong. He peered back over his own mug with a little smirk on his face and a lift of his eyebrow.

Slowly bringing the mug down you let out a heavy sigh. “Oh, I’ve only heard the news about a hundred times. Kinda hard to forget, y’know,” You bit back with a sarcastic smile, “Also, he was never my boyfriend. Why does everyone keep saying that shit?”

“Hm, I really don't know,” Hongjoong said with a shrug, taking a drawn out sip from his coffee before speaking again, “It’s not like the guy followed you around like a lost puppy before and you let him. Honestly, I’m a little surprised you two didn't tie the knot right after high school, I was so sure you would be childhood sweethearts turned old, disgusting married couple.”

Hongjoong hissed as your foot kicked at his shin from under the table, glaring at him before you finally downed the contents of your mug. “God, you all are so annoying! First, my own family and now you? I don’t care if he’s in town, okay? We haven't talked in like 5 years and I highly doubt that I’d see him anyways. It’s whatever.” You said exasperatedly, chair scraping against the floor as you got up to place the empty mug into the kitchen sink.

“What if you do see him, though?” Hongjoong asked, the question once again catching you off guard. “What if he hasn't forgotten about you in the slightest in those years you two have spent apart?” He pressed on with a pointed look, watching your mouth open and close as you blinked over at him.

Park Seonghwa, from what you recalled years ago, was a very sweet boy.

You remember the first day you had met him, walking into your elementary homeroom class clinging to his mother with a thumb in his mouth and fat tears rolling down his face as he refused to let her go.

You were only 2 years older than him but still had felt the overwhelming need to protect him from any harm. And that's also how you two became close friends.

When Seonghwa would fall down and scrape his knee or elbow, you were there telling him not to cry while dusting him off and helping him get back up. When he wanted to be like the bigger kids, who were taller and strong enough to get on certain parts of the playground, you were there to encourage him and give him a boost. And when his eyes sparkled with curiosity, wanting to learn more about this and that as he gained new interests, you were there to talk and listen to him ramble on and on about anything and everything.

That Seonghwa was the one you hadn’t seen in years. You had been really good friends leading all the way up to high school and then slowly drifted apart during that time. Once college had begun, it was like he dropped off the face of the earth and you didn't hear from him for a while.

It wasn't like you to be stuck on anybody for too long, you watched many people come and go into your life before. But Seonghwa wasn't just anybody and you couldn't help but wonder about the crybaby often and what he had been up to lately.

Okay so maybe you did care just a little bit that he had come back to town. But did it really matter? After all, neither of you really made the effort to reach out to one another after going your separate ways.

You shook your head, pushing those fleeting thoughts away before you reminisced too deeply. “Like I said, I highly doubt it.” You mumbled with a shrug before turning away, a part of you truly doubtful while a sliver of yourself remained hopeful.

✧

You were home alone the very next day. Usually Hongjoong would be the one to stay inside while you were out and about but he had run off to god knows where and he insisted that you stay at the apartment to relax. “Because you deserve it.” He had told you with a wink.

So, naturally, you were suspicious.

Not that Hongjoong was an untrustworthy person or anything but this almost, overly-nice front he had put on since this morning was just a little off-putting. Before you could really begin to question him, he had already flown out of the door and was barely responding to your text messages.

He did make sure to tell you to listen out for the door, however, as he said he was ‘expecting something’. You had almost forgotten about whatever that ‘something’ would be, hours into the afternoon, until you heard the sound of knocking coming from the front door of your apartment.

Dreading on leaving the comfort of your spot on the couch, you heaved a sigh before getting up from your seat and dragged yourself over to the door to answer it. “Hello-” You swung the door open and were immediately greeted by someone's chest in your line of vision. Your eyes traveled upward and you felt your breath catch in your throat.

“Y/N… It’s good to see you again.”

The man before you looked much different from the last time you had seen him. But even with the big and little changes in his appearance and how he seemed to carry himself differently, you could still tell exactly who he was just based on the look in his eyes.

“Seonghwa,” You gaped, still not entirely sure if you were seeing him in front of you or just hallucinating after watching TV all day, “H-How… How did you…?” You trailed off with furrowed brows as he gave you a sheepish look in return.

“Ah, sorry, this is rather impromptu of me. I bumped into Hongjoong a few days ago when I first got back and he mentioned you two were roommates so…” Now it was his turn to trail off as a small blush formed on his cheeks. You mentally cursed at Hongjoong, finally putting the pieces together that he had set this all up. You didn't know whether to kiss him or kill him.

“I see,” You muttered, reminding yourself to shoot the little mastermind a colorfully worded text later, “Well, please, don't be shy. Come in, come in.” You insisted, a smile spreading across your face genuinely as you stepped to the side for him to enter.

Seonghwa smiled back gently, a sight that made your heart soar as you saw a flash of the boy you used to know appear for a split second before he stepped over the threshold.

✧

It had been hours of just talking and catching up with Seonghwa. You had learned that he was finishing up his last year of college soon, reaching to earn his degree in astronomy, and planned to move out of his dorm and into a place of his own nearby. The university he had attended was well out into the city, roughly 8 hours away, meanwhile you had attended your local college in town and graduated with your art degree about a year or so ago.

“Definitely not as cool as studying the stars and planets, though. I’m like the definition of a starving artist.” You chuckled, albeit a bit bitterly, facing Seonghwa as you propped your elbow over the back of the couch and tucked your legs underneath yourself.

Seonghwa had turned to face you as well but a bit awkward in body language, one leg crossed over the other as his hands remained in his lap stiffly. “Ah, it's not all that interesting. Trust me. Once math is involved, then you’ll see what I mean.” He said, earning another laugh from you that made his shoulders less tense and a fond smile spread on his face.

“You were always the artistic type, though. That’s something I’ve always liked and admired about you. Never afraid to be yourself… Just being able to think of something so creatively, from a vastly different perspective than anyone else, and turning it into something so beautiful. That’s always been pretty cool to me.” He went on, leaving you a bit stunned at his words.

“Hwa…” The old nickname slipped from your lips in a whispered tone and his eyes found yours, locking onto them as a few seconds passed by in stretched silence. Seonghwa opened his mouth to speak again, hesitating at first before licking his lips, and asked, “Can I tell you something?”

Words felt like they would fail you right now so you simply nodded for him to continue. Seonghwa swallowed the lump in his throat before speaking again. “I’m really happy that you still remember me. I know that's silly to say because it's only been a couple of years but I wouldn't know how to feel if you acted as if I was a complete stranger…” He said, looking away with an almost pained expression despite the smile still on his face.

“I would never! We were important to each other back then.” You told him, scooting closer to him on the couch as you reached out to place your hand over his own. Seonghwa’s eyes shot down toward the movement, feeling the warmth of you from your body’s proximity and your fingers touching him so delicately, then back up to your face. “And now? He questioned, hopeful, as he placed one of his hands over yours and squeezed.

You squeezed his hand back and sighed. “I was scared of the same thing… that you would forget about me or pretend like you did. Or you would see me and want nothing to do with me so I figured I’d try to avoid you... But after you showed up and we talked, it feels like you never really left at all.” You admitted, feeling Seonghwa subtly shuffle closer to you.

“I thought about you almost all of the time during the years we spent not with each other, Y/N. I don't think I could forget you even if I tried.” He admitted back, similar to the words Hongjoong had said to you the other day. That had to have been something Hongjoong had heard him say when they bumped into each other and you mentally noted to punch the man whenever he got home.

Right now, however, you were going to focus on Seonghwa and what you wanted to do next.

Your hand came up to wrap around the back of his neck and he froze, his body stiffening as you leaned in close until your lips were a breath away from his own. “Tell me if this is okay. I want to show you how important you still are to me.” You murmured, the movement of your lips lightly brushing against Seonghwa’s causing him to exhale shakily.

A quick nod was all the confirmation you needed before diving in, catching his mouth in a deep kiss. You untangled your other hand from his lap and brought it up to join the one around his neck as you pulled him closer, crawling your way into his lap in the process until you were straddling one of his thighs.

Seonghwa’s body shook slightly underneath you, his hands hovering over your sides as if he were hesitating to touch. You pulled away briefly, nibbling at his bottom lip before tugging it and making him groan. “You can touch me.” You said, sensing his hesitation, and started to lick the seam of his parted lips.

He let you in with no resistance, the feeling of your tongue against his wet and probing as his hands gripped onto your waist tightly.

You licked in to Seonghwa’s mouth eagerly as you started to move forward until he was effectively pushed onto his back with ease. Feeling breathless, you parted from his mouth again to catch yourself but started to trail your lips from the side of his face to his neck where you began to bite and suck at the sensitive skin there.

“Y/N…” He gasped before letting out a whiny moan. Your eyes flitted up to his face to take in the sight of Seonghwa— already looking debauched and fucked out, and you barely even started. “What do you want, Hwa?” You mumbled against his skin and he shivered at the sensation.

“Whatever you want. You take the lead. Please.” Seonghwa replied in a strained voice, holding onto you as if you were a lifeline.

When you suddenly pulled away from him and stood up, Seonghwa shot up in panic wondering if he had said something wrong until you put your hand out for him to take wordlessly.

He kept his mouth shut and took it, letting you guide him all the way to your bedroom where you closed the door behind him with a click of the lock, officially sealing your fate together.

“You told me to take the lead, right?” You questioned once you were facing Seonghwa again, slowly approaching him. Your finger traced small shapes onto his chest as you backed him up into the bed, the back of his knees hitting the edge and making him sit down.

His ass hadn't been on the bed for more than 3 seconds before Seonghwa slid off of it and onto his knees in front of you, peering up with wide expectant eyes. “Yes. You can do whatever you want to me, I’ll enjoy anything you give me.” His tone of voice sounded airy as he uttered those words and you couldn't help but run your fingers through his hair as he leaned into your touch.

“You’re already on your knees for me… surely you already had something in mind.” You smirked at him teasingly, watching him shift under your gaze. “Can I…?” He trailed off questioningly as his eyes flickered quickly from your face to the crotch of your sweatpants and back up again. Heat pooled in the pit of your stomach seeing how eager he was to please. Eager to please you.

You tugged your sweatpants down until they dropped unceremoniously onto the floor, kicking away the article of clothing before stepping closer to Seonghwa. His breathing had gotten shallow once his eyes fell onto your panty-covered pussy, the thin layer of the material leaving little to the imagination. The small wet spot he could see near the center made his cock twitch, straining against his pants.

Seonghwa’s hands gently grazed along your ankles first, gradually going higher from there to the back of your knees and up the back up your thighs. A small shiver raked through you when his fingers traced the lining of your underwear, slipping under the band a little as he grabbed ahold of your ass.

“A-Ah… Hwa…” You moaned softly when he pressed you forward into his face and placed a lingering kiss onto your mound right where your clit was. You took a step closer to him, pressing his face fully into your pussy now, and what little hold he had of his composure immediately slipped.

Seonghwa groaned as he buried his face into every crevice he could fit into, his long tongue rolling out of his mouth so he could run it along the moist material messily. “Knew you’d taste good,” He mumbled against the inside of your thigh, “Smell good, too. I could only dream about something like this happening in real life.” He added before latching his lips onto your clit and sucking the bud through the fabric. This plus the friction of your panties still covering your pussy was enough to make your body lurch forward a bit.

The back of Seonghwa’s head was now pressed against the edge of the bed, pinned between the comforter as you began to grind against his face.

“You should've told me sooner. I think I like seeing you like this.” You told him with a breathless giggle, swiveling your hips as Seonghwa tried to follow every movement to the best of his ability. He didn't mind it. You were using him to pleasure yourself and he couldn't be any more happier.

His grip on your ass had tightened when he felt you begin to back up and you rubbed your thumb against his wrist to make him loosen his hold. “I just wanna move onto the bed, Hwa.” You reassured him and he reluctantly let go. Despite not being completely bare, the evidence of your arousal shined like a gloss on Seonghwa’s bruised lips when you got a good look at him.

You crawled onto your bed, peeling your shirt and dampened panties off before throwing them somewhere you’d worry about later, and waited for Seonghwa to join you. Realizing your lack of underwear now, he followed along until he was stripped bare and crawled slowly up the bed until he was situated between your spread thighs.

Seonghwa’s eyes stayed locked onto your own as he trailed kisses along the inside of your thigh, bringing his face closer and closer until he could finally taste you without restriction or barriers.

The first swipe of Seonghwa’s tongue starting slowly from your hole up to your clit had your legs spreading out wider for him. And when his plump lips wrapped around your clit sucking earnestly, you felt your eyes nearly roll to the back of your head as you reached out to grip his hair roughly.

Seonghwa groaned, muffled by his ministrations, and the vibration of it made your hips buck up. He unlatched himself from your clit briefly only to laser focus his attention on dipping his tongue into your hole to lap up whatever juices started to leak from it.

“Hwa,” His name came out in a shuddered moan as you placed your hands on his shoulders and squeezed to get his attention, “I really need you.”

Seonghwa’s response came delayed, spending a couple extra minutes using his tongue to simply savor your taste before he made his way up your body where his mouth came crashing into yours. “You have me, baby.” He panted between open-mouthed kisses as his hand came up between your bodies to grab ahold of his throbbing cock.

“Do I?” You smirked against his mouth, nudging his hand out of the way so you could wrap your own around his length. Seonghwa gasped lightly, bucking up into the tight ring of your fist. “You think you could switch places with me, baby?” You purred as you stroked his cock languidly. It didn't take long for him to carefully flip the two of you over and have you hovering above him.

“Fuck, you're–” Seonghwa breathed out, eyes glued to your face as you rubbed the tip of his dick through your folds, “you’re just as beautiful as I always remembered but this is truly a sight.” He said while trailing his hands along your thighs then higher up to your hips where he held onto them as you lined him up to your entrance.

The breach stung a bit once you started to sink down onto him and Seonghwa rubbed his thumbs gently into your hip bones as you took your time taking him all the way inside of you. “I’m starting to believe that crush everyone keeps saying you had on me.” You sighed out once your pelvic bone met his, moving your hips slowly in small circles as you relished the way Seonghwa felt so deep inside of you.

“Have,” Seonghwa corrected as he tried to keep himself still under your movements, twitching every time he felt your walls constrict around his cock, “I think it was obvious to everyone but you.” He licked at his lips before tucking his bottom lip between his teeth when you lifted yourself up momentarily only to sink yourself back down onto him.

Picking up a steady pace now, not going too fast or too slow, you simply enjoyed the way Seonghwa stretched you out and filled you up with every movement of your hips. A whimper-like sound punched out of him when you came back down just a little bit harder, clenching around his cock, and you cooed at the noise. “Poor baby. Am I at least making it up to you well?” You pouted at him with a tilt of your head, smoothing a hand down his chest soothingly.

“Noona,” Seonghwa whined, your body immediately stiffening at the sound of his voice sounding so wrecked, “Please, please go faster.”

You obliged without question, deciding that you would have a chance to tease him another time. You pressed your hand down flat on Seonghwa’s chest and used it as leverage to ride him the way you knew you would both love; bouncing on his dick as he thrusted upward involuntarily to meet the action.

This helps Seonghwa to go a little bit deeper, the head of his cock brushing along your walls just right until he hits directly at the spot that has you quivering above him.

You can barely hold yourself up and soon feel your arm give out as you bow your back and press your foreheads together. “Feel s-so good, baby…” You muttered while staring into Seonghwa’s eyes. His half-lidded gaze stared back briefly before pressing your mouths together in an intimate kiss.

He then caught you off guard by starting to buck up into you, almost frantically, as he wrapped his arms around your body and pressed you to his chest. “Cum with me, please, please, please–” Seonghwa begged, seemingly right on the edge of cumming.

Thankfully you weren't too far behind him with the way he had started to desperately fuck into you. And with the remaining body strength you could muster, you rode him with just as much urgency while still pressed closely to his chest.

Seonghwa had been the first to tip over, pleading over and over again until his voice became slightly hoarse. He stilled himself deep inside of you before you felt warmth filling you up in spurts, a pretty drawn out moan falling from his lips as you clenched around him tightly and followed suit.

You whimpered as Seonghwa helped you ride it out, his hands placed on your waist to help you grind down against him and giving your clit some added friction.

Feeling boneless, but most of all satiated, you finally collapsed against him as he started to rub along your back and traced over your spine. The delicate feeling of his fingers sent a tingle throughout your being that you could only chalk up to the resurfacing of those feelings you had kept hidden so deep within.

Seonghwa attempted to sit up and you grumbled in protest causing a laugh to escape him. “We have to get cleaned up.” He reasoned but you only clung on to him tighter as he rose and had you seated on his lap. “Will you stay afterwards?” You asked quietly, hope laced into your tone with a hint of vulnerability. Because now that you had him in your life again you would be damned to see him go so quickly.

“Of course. I’m not going anywhere without you again.” Seonghwa said, leaning forward to press his lips chastely against your forehead before looking at you with eyes full of love and sincerity.

Those same eyes that always held the stars in them that sparkled like glitter and reassured you that he would be right by your side for as long as you would let him.

#park seonghwa #seonghwa #ateez smut #ateez fluff #ateez fics #ateez reader insert #ateez seonghwa #ateez x reader #kpop fanfic #kpop fics #kpop smut fics

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mdhwrites · 9 months ago

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Do you think the show rewards Luz’s Selfishness too much?

So I normally frame Luz's decision to self martyr herself and stay in her own world as not wanting to bother with the effort to fix her mistake. Let's shift that a bit so we can talk about why the show couldn't have Luz tell ANYONE this deeply selfish choice. A choice that by all means, Camila seems to think is just a bad choice for Luz and for no one else.

But... Luz chooses that her pain and angst is so bad that she doesn't want to help Amity reunite with her siblings. Or to make sure they can live in a world where they're safe. Gus' dad, Willow's parents, Darius, etc. All of them can rot as far as Luz is concerned. She even explicitly states this in For the Future. "Once Eda and King are safe, I'm going home."

No one else matters. LITERALLY no one else matters to her but the people she has chosen to care about and there aren't many of those. This is framed even worse by the fact that by the end of this episode, Camila will effectively say that Luz has NEVER done anything wrong. That trying to critique her at all, to try and give her life skills and friends with the camp after she put people's lives potentially in danger (snakes and fireworks are not meant for school for a reason), was wrong. That Luz just needs to be 'understood'. Part of understanding Luz, especially in S3, means that unless someone attacks her about it, like the dream sequence, WHICH ISN'T HER OWN MIND BUT A FABRICATION AND LIE, she isn't going to think about others. Just her adopted family and herself. And even then, maybe not even her adopted family since they sure as shit didn't matter in Thanks to Them.

BUT. we are supposed to sympathize with her and believe she did nothing wrong, just like Camila. Do not question her motivations, or her efforts, just believe her words.

This is emblematic of the show as well. The first two episodes talk a big game about fantasy vs reality and like Luz's selfish motivations, warped way of looking at things and her learning to be a human being, not a walking, wanna be protagonist will be interrogated. But... Not really. She repeatedly does things that are mirrored in her favorite series. Her final battle line will be a reference to that series and her delusions with that series. People might get briefly upset about her actions but most of the time she either doesn't have to do anything, like Reaching Out or Adventure in the Elements (where she gets a glyph BEFORE making up the fuck up she did) or show how special she is like in Lost in Language and Covention. I can only really think of like one episode after the first two where Luz fucks up and genuinely has to take the brunt of punishment for it, Winging it Like Witches, and even in that one, she is saved before anything bad happens to her before winning with the same trick that hurt her friends, just... Now it's okay because they're all on the same page about it I guess. Couldn't have had Willow come up with something herself because Luz actually was willing to listen to Willow and not force something onto her. That'd be too much work.

It's part of why the more you interrogate Luz's intentions and motivations, it gets BAD. So much of what she does could be easily grafted onto a kid trying to play hero or not learning anything from past mistakes. Don't ever forget that Teenage Abomination says "Listen to your mentor about their specialty," then The Intruder says "Don't take shortcuts to magic" before then in Adventure in the Elements, Luz takes a shortcut for magic while also not listening to Eda and almost gets people killed for it. GREAT JOB LUZ! Much development, such depth.

And yes, lots of shows will have characters yoyo and the like but these are within HALF A SEASON of each other. It usually takes a little longer for most animated shows to straight up start repeating lessons. Hell, yes, it is theoretically a problem for Amphibia too with stuff like Bessie and the hibernation episode both featuring Anne's impatience but also S1 is genuinely about how Anne is fighting between the lessons she's learning and her growing empathy versus how she used to be with her selfishness and laziness. Also, both episodes might be about her impatience but they genuinely tackle it in different ways, with one being about disregarding the rules because of overconfidence and the other one is out of boredom. For TOH... It's just that Luz wants the magic she thinks she should have, as easily and as fun as she thinks it should be instead of weird and actually taking work, and fucks it up because of that same motivation.

That same motivation that doesn't treat reality like reality. According to the show though, that's just the best way to be. Follow your own version, fuck everything else. That's what Luz gets to do in the end after all and she's the one literally blessed by God to be correct.

So yeah, I think her selfishness might be a touch rewarded.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

#the owl house criticism #toh critical #toh #the owl house #luz noceda

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callsign-joyride · 2 years ago

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I'll Be Home For Christmas | Bob Floyd

Summary: Bob surprises you and your kids on Christmas.

Pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x f!reader (no use of Y/N)

Content warnings: A tiny bit of angst, a ton of tooth-rotting fluff, implied sex

Deployments were always the hardest. Bob told you about his new deployment at the end of October.

"I won't be able to be here for Thanksgiving, and it doesn't look like I'll be home for Christmas, either. I'm really sorry," he said after helping you put the kids to bed.

"Don't worry about it. We'll celebrate when you come home."

"Yeah, but by the time I get back, the kids will be back in school. I don't want them to feel left out when everyone else is talking about what they got."

"Can we talk about this in the morning? I'm really tired and I'd rather not start an argument right now."

Bob nodded his head and motioned for you to get in the bed with him. Explaining this to the kids was hard. Bob had been deployed around holidays, but it wasn't often and they usually weren't considered very important.

"Okay, I'll try to talk to you and the kids as much as I can. Call Rooster if you need anything, okay? I love you," he said as you dropped him off at the port.

"I love you, too."

You shared a quick kiss before he checked in and boarded the carrier. Thanksgiving came and went. That was somewhat easy to celebrate because you celebrated with the members of the Dagger Squad who weren't deployed. Rooster helped you and the kids decorate the Christmas tree when the time came.

You knew that you would be emotional on Christmas Eve. As the end of Home Alone played, you started to get the kids ready for bed. Rooster and Coyote helped you wrap gifts and put them under the tree. They didn't leave until well after you had decided that it was time for you to start getting ready for bed. You wore one of Bob's old Navy t-shirts and a pair of sweatpants as pajamas because the shirt slightly smelled of him.

The sound of tires rolling into the gravel driveway woke you up. Probably Rooster. He's always forgetting something. If you listened hard enough, you could hear the front door open and close. As you rolled over, you could hear footsteps coming up the stairs. Maybe he left something in the guest room? You nearly jumped out of your skin as the door to your bedroom opened. It was hard to figure out who was standing in the doorway because it was so dark.

"Oh my God. Robbie, is that you?" You whispered.

"Merry Christmas," he said as he closed the door. "I didn't wake the kids, did I?"

You turned on your lamp and the two of you waited for noise to come from either of the kids' rooms.

"I don't think so. Now, come here so that I can kiss your face."

Bob didn't hesitate in getting in bed with you. The two of you had been so happy to be in each other's arms again that it was hard not to giggle during sex. Both of you woke up as the sun rose, and it was moments like these where you were glad that you had told the kids that they had to wait for you to get them because you were the last stop on Santa's list.

After you both showered, you quietly snuck Bob down the stairs. You told him to sit in front of the tree before you stuck a bow on his head and ran upstairs.

"Okay, you have to be quiet when you go downstairs. There's a special surprise waiting for you," you told the kids.

"We'll be extra quiet!" Your five-year-old exclaimed. You suppressed a laugh before guiding them down the stairs. She was the first person around the corner that led to the living room, and your two-year-old son was right behind her.

"Daddy!" She squealed. You smiled as you watched her leap into Bob's arms. The day went on swimmingly as the kids opened their gifts and started to play with them.

"You didn't tell me how you were able to come home early. I'm obviously not complaining but I thought you were supposed to be gone for another three weeks," you said at the end of the day.

"I pulled some strings with the admirals. That's all you need to know."

You let out a soft chuckle before snuggling into Bob's side while A Charlie Brown Christmas played on the TV in the background.

Taglist:

@littlebadariell @cycbaby @luckyladycreator2 @idontcare-11 @blue-aconite @maverick-wingman @shawty-fenty @littlemisstopgun @rosiahills22 @katieshook02 @justanothermagicalsara @caitsymichelle13 @smoothdogsgirl @adoringsebstan @cherrycola27 @alexxavicry @mrsjaderogers @mak-32 @thefandomimagines

#robert bob floyd #bob floyd x reader #bob floyd #robert bob floyd x reader #bob floyd fluff #bob floyd imagine #christmas fluff #top gun maverick #bob x reader #top gun maverick x reader #top gun

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helly-watermelonsmellinfellon · 2 years ago

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Mad Libs: Harry Potter Edition #1

As with Mad Libs, you replace every bolded section with the required type of word. Good luck!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remember our days back in Hogwarts? The night we were sorted into [House] was probably the best of my life. And I know that on your end, you really [Verb] it.

On our first morning, we ended up getting lost on the way to [Class] and ran into [Person #1]. Of all people too! Thankfully [Person #2] came out of nowhere to be a distraction so we didn't lose any points. You know, I don't think they made a map of the school yet. How are kids getting into trouble for being late when they are new and the classrooms literally change when they feel like it? Hogwarts is sentient! Hel-lo?

Seriously, [Person #3] needs to do something about that. As Head of the school you'd think some thought would actually be put into the rules. Wait, is there even a handbook? I don't remember ever getting one.

Anyway, onto topics that don't make me [Verb].

Remember our first Quidditch match? [House #1] against [House #2]. [Person from House #1] got hit in the face with a bludger and spent a month comatose. I never understand how magic couldn't just fix things in a jiffy. Like, [Hogwarts Teacher] was always going on about how amazing it was and how there were so few 'impossibilities' when magic was involved. You'd think the curriculum would improve to include the truth of the matter, huh?

After all these years?

Oh! Remember how you fell down a flight of stairs in our [Year]? I know you broke your [Limb] but it was kind funny how you rolled all the way to the bottom floor! It was strangely slow and somehow you didn't manage to catch yourself!

Hey! No need to get all [Adjective] about it! If you recall, I ended up flashing [Person] my knickers while climbing up to the Astronomy Tower, and then slipped and ended up taking us both to the floor. It hurt a lot and was embarrassing!

Also, that was the first time I ever wore a thong, so I'm not sure if they count as knickers since not much fabric was involved. Things were seen that day, I'm just saying!

Either way, I definitely had it way worse that you. I fractured my [Bone] in that fall after all. My ego and my body suffered. I was never the same.

No, I'm not going to tell people about how you [Verb] [Person] at [Hogsmeade Shop] and got laughed at for it. I mean, I'm totally mean but not that mean, you know? Friends first and all that rot.

Oh! I also saw [Person] in Diagon Alley last week. Remember that time you both went to the Yule Ball together? Yeah, that was the worst [Verb] I'd ever seen. And you never improved either. Don't look at me that way, you totally didn't.

Okay, fine, maybe you did improve a bit. I especially like it when you [Verb] with your [Body Part]. It's definitely something to my tastes.

What? Graduation? You mean with the Giant Squid [Verb] [Person] right off the boat on the way across and disappeared under the lake? Yeah, that was... not good. Bit not good. [Same Person] was never the same after that. I thought they were going to have the Giant Squid executed or something. The kind of tantrums we had to witness all the time made it a strong possibility.

Didn't you trip while coming off the boat?

No, I did not forget my hat in the [Hogwarts Room]! That was [Person]. Anyway, I never had a hat to begin with. I was always getting into trouble for it because [Hogwarts Teacher] didn't like it. Lost us [Amount of Points] every week I didn't have one. Same with [Item-Singular]. Never had that either.

I was woefully unprepared all the time. You were always giving me [Item-Plural] and having to bail me out. And then I would take the best notes and let you have them. We make a great couple, huh? No wonder we're [Relationship].

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just a little thing I did because I was bored.

Like it? I got a Ko-Fi.

#HP #writing #Watermelonsmellinfellon #Self-Insert #2nd pov

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justyoursimpleflower · 3 years ago

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Gorgeous

Pairing- James Potter x werewolf!Lupin!female!reader. (That's a mouthful)

Summary:- reader has a tiny bit of crush on school's golden boy and she finds him very gorgeous but she can't say anything to his face.

Word count:- 4.3k (damn)

Warning:- mentions of scars, alcohol, insecurities. (I think this is but inform me if any other) also lets pretend James has ocean blue eyes.

A/N:- so here it is the one shot promised based on the song Gorgeous, I wanted to make something silly kind of but it turned out different than that but alright. It is based on the song called gorgeous by Taylor Swift but I changed something. If you find any errors please inform me. Enjoy read! And thanks to @ultarviolence for actually suggesting to with whom the oneshot be. Credits for the pictures goes to their rightful owners, I only own the collage. Tiny bit of wolfstar too. Also a reblog will be helpful.👉👈

Masterlist

Petrichor. The earthy smell filled your heightened senses as you felt him coming near you. As much as it intimidated you, it was bliss, somehow it relaxed you. But maybe even in that bliss you were aware how he affected you. Your back still towards him you started walking away from him, everyone was congratulating him on quidditch pitch after his marvellous performance against Slytherin, and here you were walking away from him.

You told Remus that you rather snuggle in your blankets and relax before the full moon but he was stubborn, just like you, and dragged you to quidditch pitch. It was even alright till you had to sit in the rain and watch the match but it all blew up when he saw you sitting in the stands, still on his broom he caught your eye and winked at you, causing a rush a shiver to run down your spine and feel the gross butterflies (it's not like you were looking for him all around the pitch). Alright maybe you were. But that doesn't mean it meant something.

Actually it meant everything. He was gorgeous, more than beautiful. He was breathtaking.

You almost were out of the pitch when a hand wrapped around your scarred one and you internally groaned. Turning around and coming face to face with your worst fear.

He looked at you with those freaking ocean blue eyes. Inhaling deep breath, you stared back at him, directly in his eyes.

You didn't know if he was intimidated by your glare or just trying not to laugh at your cowardice, when his throat bobbed when he gulped.

He released a airy laugh and said,

"Won't you congratulate me for my amazing performance?" He tilted his head, acting innocent. And honestly, he was looking adorable.

Shut up.

'All I want to say is that you are gorgeous.'

"Your ego is big enough without me inflating it." Your words betraying your thoughts. It did nothing to him but made him smirk a little more.

You rolled your eyes and turned around and started walking away.

"At least come to the party!" His voice bounced and reached you.

Merlin, why he is so gorgeous.

You internally groaned as you felt Lily shaking your shoulders.

"Female Lupin, if you don't get up right now, I am going to get male Lupin and make you have a good conversation with him."

"But Lils!" You whined. You had no intention in going to that ruddy party, where James bloody Potter would be.

She sighed and sat down next to a lying figure on the bed. She started running her hands in your hair, humming softly.

You looked at her. Actually looked at her. What was there not to like? She was perfect in studies, had the most magical eyes, the softest hair and kindest heart. On the other hand you were nothing like her.

You were a monster.

Each full moon, you hunted for lives, each full moon, you became a monster.

But no one knew that, except a handful of people. And unluckily, he too knew that. What phased you more was that he was ready to take a risk upon his life by being with you and your brother in those dark nights where you both lose yourselves to your inner monsters.

You always felt comfort in thinking that it was all for Remus, you just got to be a part of it due to you having no other place than the Shack. Who knows that if it hadn't been because of your condition, he would have noticed that you existed?

You were shaken out of your thoughts when you heard a loud bang on the door. Lily looked at you in confusion but gave you a look when found you doing the same to her. She got up and opened the door and found Marlene smiling giddily at both of you.

"What are you two doing here?" She exclaimed.

"The party has started!" She exclaimed and now did you notice that her words were slurred.

At least there is alcohol.

"Marlene...the party just started and you are drunk." Lily said with sigh, disappointment evident on her face.

Marlene just grinned, flipped her hair and started descending the stairs whilst saying something along the line,

"It's just the starter."

Lily turned towards you and opened her mouth to say something but we're stopped by the sudden thumping sound that came from the stairs. You got up quickly from your bed and looked downwards with Lily on your side.

On the stairs, Marlene was laying face on the top most stairs, her hair sprawled on the floor just outside your dormitory.

A gasp left Lily's lips and she crouched down to look at your friend, while you were trying your best to stop the laugh that was about to leave your lips. You too crouched down to her level but before you could say anything Marlene suddenly jumped and sat with her legs crossed, facing you both.

Lily gasped and your eyes went wide with shock but when you both looked at Marlene, she was just giving you both a cheeky smile.

"Merlin, women! Thought you were possessed for a moment!" You exclaimed with a hand on your chest.

You got no reaction from her, instead she just stood up and pulled you both too in a standing position.

"I forgot that I was bribed to drag both of your arses downstairs."

You squint your eyes and raising a brow you said,

"Who bribed you?"

Her face light up and smiling widely, she threw her hands in the air and exclaimed,

"Pames Jotter!"

Lily smacked her hand on her forehead, you winced just thinking how painful it would have been, assuming by the sound.

You heard Marlene's giggles and turned towards her.

"Get it? Pames Jotter is James Potter!" She giggled harder and smiled widely.

You visibly shivered at the name. You eyed the blonde in front of you and started thinking of all the things that you could use to convince her and let you go.

You slowly approached the opportunity,

"Marlene..."

Marlene who had broken into a dance, swaying Lily with her stopped abruptly and looked at you. All humor was wiped away from her face.

You sighed then looked at her,

"You are not drunk, are you?"

She turned towards you and smiled sheepishly,

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"You are forgetting that I am the twin of Remus Lupin. We notice small things."

Marlene sighed and looked to be contemplating something before breaking the facade.

"Yeah, alright, I was acting." Lily hit her arm as soon as the words left her mouth and Marlene grumbled about how she was kind of pissed off by the Lupin siblings in a not so respectful way.

"Why?" You whined to Marlene.

She rolled her eyes and said,

"Because I know that you were not going to come unless practically dragged down.

"So?"

"So? So? Just because you have a crush on the school's golden boy doesn't mean that you should rot in the dorm when everyone else is having a swing."

You felt flustered about how obvious were your feelings for him, you opened your mouth to retort but you couldn't find a better reason. Afterall, it was the reason you refused to be down at the party. You sighed and tried to ignore your friends' pitying faces.

"Okay, let's do this, we go to the party, have the time of your life, whilst we find something that you don't have to interact with him."

"And how we do this?" You raised an eyebrow, seriously questioning your friend's mind,

"I mean, how are we going to do this? He was the one who organised the party."

Marlene let a smirk form on her face and said,

"Technically, the party was organised because of him, not by him."

"Yeah, and that helps a lot." Lily rolled her eyes.

"You don't get it Lils! We are going to be so drunk and stay as far as possible from him."

You clapped your hands and said,

"Yes! We will get drunk and stay in our dorms! Go Marls, bring some drinks!"

Marlene rolled her eyes and took a threatening step towards you.

"Okay, enough, now you are going to get ready or I am dragging you just like this."

You opened your mouth to say something but,

"Nope! No, no more whining!" She cut you off.

She then clapped her hands and said,

"Alright, both of you get ready, I'll see you downstairs!"

She smiled and kissed your cheek before descending down the stairs.

You looked at Lily and sighed. When you saw her smirking you gave her a dry look and finally accepted your faith.

"Alright, girl, slow down." Remus said from your side, where he had been standing and rubbing your back for the past fifteen minutes.

After you came to the party, you were convinced that Lily and Marlene were not going to leave your side. But who were you kidding? They left you ten minutes in the party, saying that you need to live up and actually let James have his way with you.

You almost scoffed at the thought. James wanted nothing but to tease you by just assuming you fancied him. Only if he knew how true that was.

You were about to take a sip from your cup when it was snatched away from your hand,

"Hey!" You hit Remus on his arm for it but he did nothing other than shrug.

"You almost had enough to last you a lifetime."

When he saw your sour expression he sighed,

"Listen, I don't have any problem with how much you drink. If I am being honest, I love it when you get drunk, you spill all your secrets but I don't want you to grumble when you have the baddest hangover."

You gave him an odd look with your arms folded over your chest, you said,

"I don't tell any secrets when I'm drunk."

"Oh you so do."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Tell me about one."

"You got the biggest crush on James."

You opened your mouth to counter his remark but your words died in your throat. Swallowing hard you whispered,

"I didn't…"

A smirk formed on his lips,

"You did."

You held your head in your hands and propped your elbows on the drink table near. You wanted to have the time of your life and here you were, finding out that you told your brother about your crush on his friend.

"You don't have any problem with it?" You mumbled with your head still in your hands.

Remus saw your sour expression and pulled your arm lightly and said,

"Hey, don't be sad now."

"Yeah, my brother found out that I have a crush on one of his best mates is not concerning."

"If it makes you feel better, I think he likes you too."

You gave him a dry look and took one more cup and gulped it in a single sip. The liquid burned your throat but atleast it was good enough to lighten the pressure on your head.

"Have you heard the way he talks?" You asked Remus who raised an eyebrow, clearly finding amusement in your condition. You gave him an annoyed look and continued,

"He talks like he knows all about everything. 'At Least come to the party', bloody buffoon. He–he knew that I would react this way and still! His voice is like the clawing of nails on iron. It gives me headache!" You looked at Remus who still had an annoying smile on his face,

"Why are you smiling?" You asked him annoyed.

"Why don't you say this to his face? Maybe he will go away" He suggested and you thought about this, maybe he was right. You found him looking behind you, you followed his eyesight and you frown deepened. Another glass down.

In front of you was James Potter goofing around with his best mate Sirius Black when other people were gawking at their sights.

"Doesn't he feel scared about how much people are attracted to him?" You mumbled to yourself but Remus heard you anyway and chuckled. You turned and glared at him.

"Honestly, why don't you just say all this to him? You know, it would be better." He said.

"You wait Remus Lupin till I find out about the person you like, then we will see." You turned towards the table again only to find the person you were not so subtly judging only to find him gone from there. Frowning, you raise your cup back to your lips and empty its contents in your throat. A shiver ran down your spine as the liquid burned your insides. You were starting to feel the outputs of the alcohol inside your system, your head started feeling dizzy and it felt really light. You turned around to find Remus surrounded by the Marauders this time and one of them was looking at you, he was looking at you.

Sirius draped his arm around your shoulder, breaking you out of the trance. You stumbled a bit as the alcohol in your system started taking a toll on you.

"Where's your boyfriend Y/N?" He asked you in mock concern.

You rolled your eyes but it did nothing other than increase the slowly growing headache you had.

A chuckle passed James's lips making you look at him, and unfortunately (or fortunately) he looked at you at the same time. You quickly diverted your eyes and shoved Sirius's arm from around you.

"Very funny, Black."

He grinned at you whereas you were slowly getting more and more dizzy.

"He still looks so scared whenever he looks at James."

You tried to hide your smile but it slipped anyway. Maybe you didn't know but your smile made James grin.

"Wait, why is he scared of James?" Remus asked suddenly. Your eyes widened at his words.

Oh shoot he didn't know.

It seemed like they too realised their mistake. They started stumbling over their words and you knew it was all on you.

"Where is Peter?" You asked, trying your best to change the topic.

Remus gave you a curious look but didn't question further.

"Er—Remus, come dance with me, won't you?" Sirius offered his arm to Remus, his nervous expression fading into a wide smirk. His words caused a blush to tint on Remus' cheeks and a small smile to form on his lips.

"Sure." And with that, they both left your drunk self with a very sober looking James Potter.

"Um–I think Marlene was calling me, I am going." You were about to walk away before he caught you by arm and pulled you back. You stumbled a bit, clearly due to intoxicating alcohol, or was it because of him.

"You never spend time with me." He pouted looking at you with those ocean blue eyes.

You were in such a daze that you didn't even react to his words. One reason was that now you were completely intoxicated and the other was that it was him.

"Well...you should take it as a compliment that I talk to everyone but you."

He was about to reply when suddenly darkness spread across the room. Shouts and protests rang out in the room, all increasing your headache.

Your hands frantically searched for something to hold on, when a bigger hand enveloped yours in it. It took time but your eyes adjusted in the darkness and you could lightly make out the face of the person holding your hand. Suddenly all the voices seemed to dim, suddenly the darkness was enough for you, suddenly you felt calm. Your stomach was churning but you were damn sure it wasn't the firewhisky.

You should think about the consequence of you touching my hand in the darkened room.

He pulled you closer to him by his grip on your hand. He wrapped his other arm around your shoulder and instinctively your head leaned on his shoulder.

You felt his breath hitch but you chose not to say anything.

"Someone was informed that McGonagall was on round, the candles will be lit again soon." He almost whispered to you. And just then the candles were lit again.

James expected you to draw away from him as soon as the candles were lit again but you didn't move from your position. Still wrapped around his side.

And he was definitely not complaining.

"James...dance with me?" You asked, lifting your head from his shoulder. You looked so innocent and adorable that he couldn't deny your face.

Or because of the fact that he was never in a lifetime going to lose this opportunity.

"Okay."

And just like that you both started to sway along the rhythm, so lost in your world that no one else existed for you two.

"You know what, you always scared me." He admitted, making you giggle.

"Why?" You asked, your head on his chest as he guided you both in a swaying way.

"First, you are Remus's sister, second, you are damn good with your tongue." It took him a while to understand what he said but till you were in a giggling fit. You were laughing so hard that you had to hold him so you wouldn't fall.

"Wait—wait, I didn't mean it like that!" He exclaimed, his hand wrapped around yours which was holding his shoulder. But you couldn't stop laughing, and that resulted in you missing the smile on his face.

When you finally stopped, you looked up to find him waving to someone. Following his gaze, you found a beautiful brunette from Ravenclaw giggling and waving at him.

Something inside you bubbled, whether it was the alcohol in your system or you were actually being brave that time, you nudged his arm and made him look at you.

"Is she your girlfriend?"

His eyes widened at your words, he whipped his head between you and that girl before shaking it violently.

"Merlin, no! She's actually the daughter of one of Mum's friends."

"Oh."

James looked at you and the way your shoulders visibly relaxed at words and your head went between his shoulder and neck, resting there.

"If it makes you feel better, I'm single."

You again, moved your head from his shoulder and this time he found an adorable pout on your lips.

"It doesn't." You said. He raised an eyebrow and said,

"It doesn't?" And you shook your head.

"It's worse actually, because you are so gorgeous that it hurts."

Your eyes fixed at his face, and even intoxicated, you were able to appreciate his beauty. He was gorgeous in every way, he was a good person, he had an aura around him that made everyone around him happy, one of the reasons you hated him, he was beautiful. He was gorgeous. And his eyes, his eyes were enough to make you feel like, sinking, drowning, dying.

"Don't I make you feel happy?"

"You make me feel so happy that it turns back to sadness," your bottom lip jutting out.

"There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have, and you why? Because all my life, I lost so many things that I don't want to hope for what I can't have. And I'm so furious at you for making me feel like this."

James moved his hand and rested it on your cheek, making you look at him, he chuckled.

"It's not funny." You said, removing his hand from your cheek. Again resting on your head on his shoulder.

James kept swaying you both, still processing everything that had happened in such a less amount of time. He was slowly feeling you relax around him, the whole night taking a toll on you.

"Hey, honey, you can't sleep like that." He said lowly to you. When you didn't budge, he nudged your head from his shoulder,

"Don't sleep like that." He said, making a frown take over your lips.

"I'm not asleep, my mind is alive." You grumbled in a sleepy voice. You felt his shoulder shake from the soft laugh escaping his lips, making you look up at him.

James could see the exhaustion and sleep in your eyes and decided that it was about time, you both called it a night.

"Alright, I think it's time you leave."

A frown formed on your lips, removing any traces of the sleepy face that you had. A dramatic sigh left your lips, you said,

"Guess, I have to stumble home to my cats. Alone."

"Y/N, you don't have any cat, and you just need to go to your dorm." James said, too used to these kinds of antics, all because of a certain Gryffindor.

You pouted, moving yourself to hug him and resting your head again on his shoulder.

"But, Remus always takes me with him, whenever I'm drunk."

"Yeah, but I'm not Remus, and he might actually murder me for doing so."

You looked up at him, trying your best to do puppy-dog eyes. Your idea seemed to work as he sighed in defeat.

"Alright, but if Remus kills me in the morning, it will be your fault."

It took time but you both finally reached the Marauders dorm, and there was only one person there. Peter, and he too was sleeping.

James took you and made you sit on one of the beds in the corner. He was still standing over you, looking quite flustered. You ran a hand on the messy bed sheet and looked up at him again to find him filling a glass with water.

"Is this Remus's bed?" You asked.

"Yeah." He said before handing you the glass of water, which you quickly downed and handed him the glass back.

James crouched in front of you and started removing your footwears. You ran a hand through his dark curls and giggled when they got messier than before.

When he was done, he looked up at you, still sitting in the same position, he asked,

"You can sleep here now, Remus will manage, or at least Sirius would be happy to share his bed."

You pouted again at his words, making him frown a bit.

"What happened now?"

"You won't kiss me?" Your question took him by surprise. He didn't expect you to say that.

"What do you mean?"

You tilted your head at side and said,

"You don't like me?" Your voice was small, making him feel bad.

"Is it because of my scars?" Your eyes were slowly filling with tears making James panic. He jumped up and sat beside you, and quickly took your face between his hands. You were slowly sniffing till then, making his heart hurt.

"No darling, why would you think that?"

"My previous boyfriend left me because of that, didn't he?"

James pursued his lips at the thought of your previous boyfriend, remembering how heartbroken you looked that day.

"It's not because of that, love. It's because you are drunk." You scrunched your nose at his words and said,

"Did you just quote those stupid clichè books?"

He raised an eyebrow and said,

"I do remember you loving those cliche books."

"But, I want you to kiss me now." You said while your lower lip jutting out.

"How about, I kiss you in the morning?" He said with a hopeful look on his face.

You whined at his words,

"But James, I am sober enough to remember this."

He sighed in defeat knowing how bad it can get. After a while he said,

"Okay, so I will give you a peck on your forehead right now, then in the morning, I will actually kiss you?" That seemed to work and you quickly agreed. So that night James kissed your forehead and made you fall asleep. And still in your sleepy form, you actually told him how you felt for him,

"You are so gorgeous James."

Bonus:-

When you woke up the next day, you found yourself reliving all those things you did the night before and it certainly didn't help with your headache. You got up from the bed, trying your best to escape before things could get more awkward.

You almost reached the door when someone said your name,

"Y/N?"

You cringed, totally aware of the person to whom the voice belonged.

You turned around and came face to face with your worst fear. You opened your mouth to say something but he cut you off,

"Don't worry, everyone is downstairs. You were sleeping, so I thought it would be better to leave you. I didn't want you to commit an arson as soon as you woke, I have seen the way Moony gets if you wake him up early."

Suddenly there was an awkward silence settled between you two as there was nothing else to say. You clutched your head to stop the throbbing pain in your head.

James noticed this and made you sit on his bed. When you did, he took the spot beside you and handed you a vial. You looked at him confused, the he explained,

"Hangover potion, er—we kind of need it really often." He rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed. You tried to stop the smile forming on your face and drank the potion.

"Y/N?" He asked, his voice soft, full of warmth. You hummed, your heart beating wildly in your chest.

"Did you mean everything you said last night?"

You turned to face him, only then realising how close you two were. You started feeling lost again in his eyes, so you just hummed.

"Even about the kiss?" He whispered.

"Even about the kiss." And just like that his lips were on yours, moving gently and slowly, afraid that this moment might get lost if used in heat.

Your lips parted after what felt like an eternity, but even that didn't seem enough. He rested his forehead on yours then he said,

"You are so gorgeous, my love."

282 notes · View notes

xlostinobsessionsx · 4 years ago

Text

Everything has changed | Charlie Gillespie

Pairing: Charlie Gillespie x female Reader

Word Count: 2,854

Warnings: None, just tooth-rotting fluff

Hello, lovely fantoms! 👻💞

I’ve written my first Charlie Gillespie imagine ever. It’s been a while since I’ve last written anything. Furthermore I’ve never written anything in English because it’s not my native language.

A really really big thank you goes to @bass-ic-deaky 💕

Thank you for going out of your way to not only correct my syntax and grammar but also to even writing an entire part of it and making it way more emotional! (A/N: She refined the airport scene and now it makes me cry!) 💗

I hope you enjoy it!

(It’s based on the song Everything has changed by Taylor Swift ft. Ed Sheeran)

Masterlist

The first season of Julie and the Phantoms had been a huge success. It wasn’t long after for the second season to be announced. Kenny Ortega wanted to support even more young talent this time and had decided to give young songwriters a chance to write a song for the show. When (Y/N) had learned about this, she quickly had sent drafts of some of her songs to the executives in charge. (Y/N) couldn't believe it when she was invited a few weeks later to go to Vancouver to become part of the show. (Y/N) was not only allowed to attend the vocal coaching and the recordings of the songs, but also to be present during the shooting of the scenes for which she had written the song. The song was used for one of the performances of the band Julie and the Phantoms so (Y/N) hung around a lot with Madison and the boys. They all got on very well and (Y/N) liked each of them a lot. However she had to admit to herself that she had a crush on the canadian. Just a little one. Alright, maybe a big one, but she would never admit it.

(Y/N) always brought her guitar to set, so that she could play a bit in between takes. She was sitting apart from the actors, who were eating lunch, not feeling that hungry today. Not playing too loud to prevent her from disturbing anyone, (Y/N) lightly strummed her guitar strings before softly, she began to sing.

All I knew this morning when I woke

Is I know something now, know something now I didn't before

This was how (Y/N) had felt the first morning on set. She had been so nervous that she had been trembling slightly. What if the cast didn’t like her song? Even if she had been afraid, she knew that this was a unique chance. It had been a step out of her comfort zone and she had been aware that a lot of new things would be coming her way.

And all I've seen since 18 hours ago

Is green eyes and freckles

And your smile in the back of my mind making me feel like

The first time her eyes had met the ones of the young actor (Y/N) couldn’t stop thinking about him. From day one Charlie had been incredulously nice to her, trying to make her feel comfortable on set. He had made sure to let her know how much he liked the song she had written for the show. At the end of the first day she had gone home with a big smile on her face, thought of Charlie clouding her mind.

I just want to know you better, know you better, know you better now

(Y/N) had wanted to know more about him. And with every new bit of information she got from him about himself, her interest only grew and her heart beat faster and faster.

Suddenly, someone sat down next to her. She looked up, slightly startled. Charlie chuckled “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you. That sounded really good.” He complimented her with a wide smile. (Y/N) felt her cheeks turning crimson. “Is it yours? That song I mean.” He asked curiously.

(Y/N) nodded, hoping that Charlie hadn’t heard much of the lyrics. “Yeah, but it’s not finished yet. I can't seem to get any further from there.” She sighed.

“I could help you!” The young actor offered joyfully, as he quickly took the last bite of his pizza before wiping his hands as he turned to her.

“Uhm, you don’t have to.” (Y/N) nervously answered, feeling her face heat up further. She knew her feelings were unreciprocated and working with him on a song would only make things worse.

“Come on, it’ll be fun!” Charlie smiled brightly at her.

She paused, taking in his bright smile and the sincerity within his eyes. “Okay, fine.” (Y/N) gave in.

“Play the beginning again.” Charlie requested. (Y/N) took a deep breath, hoping the actor also won’t notice that it was about him. She started to play the song from the beginning and slowed to a stop at the same spot she did before. Charlie looked thoughtfully at her. “Hmmm, okay. So if I got this right, it’s a love song, right?” He asked her. (Y/N) nodded shyly. “Well, if you tell a story about two people meeting for the first time, why not go on from there? May I?” He pointed at the guitar. (Y/N) gave it to him relieved he didn’t catch up on her feelings for him yet. Slowly the actor started to play a few chords until he settled for a melody fitting the one she had played before.

Cause all I know is we said hello

His eyes met hers, a big smile forming on his lips.

And your eyes look like coming home

All I know is a simple name

He slowly came to a stop, unable to think of the next line. (Y/N) hoped he would just never stop singing to her. “What do you think of that?” Charlie interrupted her thoughts.

(Y/N) cleared her throat, shaking out her thoughts. “It sounds really good.” She complimented with a smile. “Could you maybe start again and this time end with G?” She asked him. Charlie nodded and started to play and sing the same part again he had just made up.

'Cause all I know is we said hello

And your eyes look like coming home

All I know is a simple name

Everything has changed

(Y/N) sang when Charlie played the G-chord. He looked up at her surprised. “Wow, this is amazing! The line is so fitting! Everything has changed, (Y/N) you’re a genius!” He exclaimed with a grin that stretched from ear to ear.

(Y/N) giggled, happy that Charlie liked it. “Thanks, Charlie.” She smiled brightly at him. With a nod Charlie started to play again.

All I know was you held the door

(Y/N) suggested, still remembering when Charlie had held the big doors that led inside the massive building with all the sets inside open for her. Charlie nodded encouraging her to continue but the words that almost left her lips next were too much. Instead Charlie continued, eyes never leaving hers.

And you'll be mine and I'll be yours

All I know since yesterday

Is everything has changed

He finished the chorus. Shocked, (Y/N) looked at him with big eyes. It was like Charlie had read her thoughts. But he couldn’t have. He was just trying to write a love song. He couldn’t feel the same about her! They just stared into each other’s eyes. A soft smile was forming on Charlie’s lips, so contagious that when it made any panic she felt go away, she had to smile herself. They were really having a moment, but all moments must come to an end. “We need you two on set again.” Kenny informed them from across the room. Charlie nodded at Kenny and rose from his spot next to her. The actor held out his hand for her. “You good to go?” He asked her. (Y/N) nodded and took his hand following him into the halls where they were filming the next scene.

Soon, it was (Y/N)’s last day on set. The scene in which her song was sung had been recorded. She said her goodbyes to everyone, one by one. “We have something for you!” Madison smiled at her. “So that you won’t forget us.” She gave (Y/N) a small box. Carefully, (Y/N) opened it. Inside was a necklace with a small pendant, which looked like a dahlia.

Tears were forming in (Y/N)’s eyes as she looked up at the cast, all grinning widely at her. “Thank you all so much for everything!” She hugged each of them goodbye. Charlie had insisted on taking her to the airport. They slowly walked through the halls, taking their time, wanting to spend every moment they had left with each other. Slowly, (Y/N) turned to face him when they arrived at security, as far as Charlie could go with her. A small sad smile was visible on his lips. “I’m gonna miss you.” (Y/N) admitted shyly.

Immediately she was pulled into a tight hug. “I’m gonna miss you more.” Charlie mumbled quietly into the crook of her neck. Slowly they pulled back from the hug, Charlie’s hands were still firmly situated around her waist, sending an electric jolt through her body. They looked deeply into each other’s eyes, each sparkling with a certain emotion neither could place. (Y/N) felt her heart pounding wildly as she saw his eyes flick downward. Did she just witness his gaze wander to her lips? No, that must’ve been her imagination. There was no way he liked her like that, but even still there was no denying the chemistry between them, the magnetism that pulled them toward one another. He was all she could see. (Y/N) could’ve stayed there forever with Charlie. Even as people hustled about the pair, all shouting, all rushing to catch their planes, it felt as though they were the only two people in the world. It was just them in their moment of pure bliss. All that mattered in this moment was Charlie, and him alone. She felt her heart speed up as she subconsciously found herself, just as Charlie had, leaning in closer to the actor. They were well and truly going to share a moment. But all moments must come to an end. “Flight AA73 will be boarding at gate 77 in forty-five minutes.” A voice came over the loudspeaker announcing details of her flight, effectively breaking their bubble of bliss.

“Your flight is going to depart soon, too.” He sighed, offering her a crooked smile. She nodded, a pang of sadness radiating through her chest. Slowly and reluctantly, he let her go, hands lingering on her for as long as physically possible, so she could go through security. As she neared the metal detectors (Y/N) turned around one last time to see the brunette still standing there. Her (e/c) gaze caught his. He offered her one last grin, sadness barely evident on his face as he waved. She returned the smile, returning a small wave before she disappeared from his sight. During her flight, (Y/N) tried to keep her mind busy, trying with great effort to not think about Charlie. Reading a book, watching a movie, listening to music, none of it helped. Her thoughts always returned to the brunette actor and that sweetly goofy grin of his. Every time she closed her eyes he was there, preventing her from falling asleep.

Once (Y/N) got home, she put her suitcases in a corner before flopping down on her bed. Tiredly, she looked at her phone, which showed that she had received several messages. “Hope your flight was good and that you arrived home safely. Can’t wait to see you again!” Madi had sent her. Owen and Jeremy also had sent her messages, but one particular message caught her eyes.

Come back and tell me why

I'm feeling like I've missed you all this time

Her heart was pounding so quickly, it felt as though it would jump out of her chest at any moment. Did Charlie maybe feel the same way? It was hopeless even if he did, she would probably never see him again. Only if she visited him or the other way around. Such a meeting would come about in a few weeks. Until then, (Y/N) could only dream of at that moment.

Once they finished the filming of season two, Charlie was back in Los Angeles. He immediately called her. “Hey, how have you been?” He asked her excitedly.

“Good so far. Missing the time on set though.” She replied, glad to hear his voice again.

“We missed you, too!” He told her, a smile tugging on his lips. “I missed you.” He added quickly after. “I actually missed you so much that I might’ve bought a ticket for you to come visit me in LA, you know, because you said you’ve never been.”

“You did what?” She asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, I’m gonna send it to you. And...now it should be in your e-mail.” She could hear his smile through the phone. (Y/N) opened up her mailbox and sure enough, there was a message from Charlie.

“You’re crazy!” She exclaimed.

The boy on the other end of the line laughed. “See you in three days!”

Los Angeles was great but spending time with Charlie was even better. (Y/N) had planned to stay at least a week so they had enough time together. Charlie first had shown her around his neighbourhood, taking her around all his old haunts. They had been to the beach together and had eaten at all of his favourite restaurants and cafes. But what she adored most about her trip was doing ordinary, usually mundane tasks together like cooking or watching a movie in the evening or even just jamming out a bit. Sometimes (Y/N) thought that this was how it would be to be in a relationship with him. “I’m going to run to the grocery store real quick.” He informed her one evening. (Y/N) was sitting on his couch scrolling through Netflix, trying to find a movie they could watch later. She nodded. “Do you need anything?” He asked her. (Y/N) shook her head. “Okay, I’m gonna hurry. Don’t do something stupid while I’m gone!”

(Y/N) giggled softly. “Shouldn’t I saying that to you? You’re the chaotic one.”

Charlie laughed. “Yeah yeah, I know. Be back soon.” He said while closing the door. (Y/N) huffed, not able to find a film they could watch. She decided to wait for Charlie to come back so that they could choose one together. She reached for her guitar she specifically brought to play together with Charlie. Softly she began to sing.

'Cause all I know is we said hello

And your eyes look like coming home

All I know is a simple name

Everything has changed

All I know was you held the door

And you'll be mine and I'll be yours

All I know since yesterday

Is everything has changed

Come back and tell me why

I’m feeling like I’ve missed you all this time

And meet me there tonight

Let me know that it’s not all in my mind

When Charlie had sent her the message she couldn’t get it out of her head for days so she decided to include it in the song. (Y/N) was so engrossed that she hadn't heard the front door open. Charlie was already back and standing behind her. “Did you finish the song? I thought we wanted to finish it together! And was that the message I sent you when you went back home?” He rambled with a furrowed brow.

(Y/N) turned to look at him with wide eyes, her cheeks taking a faint shade of red. “Charlie I - “ She began.

The actor took a seat next to her. “Why did you put it in the song? I mean it fits the entire love story thing because it sounds like a confession but…” He trailed off as he realised what he had said, his eyes grew wide. He had the feeling that he might have just admitted how he felt towards her. His cheeks turned crimson.

“Wait….are you - “ (Y/N) cleared her throat, which suddenly felt quite dry. “Are you saying you like me?” She asked, the hope inside of her started to grow. Maybe he did feel the same way after all.

“No! Charlie quickly exclaimed. Suddenly (Y/N)’s eyes grew sad. “I mean...maybe…” The actor quickly back peddled. “What if I am?” He nervously rubbed his neck.

“Well, uhm…” (Y/N) nervously fumbled with her hair “If you are then I would too…maybe… even though I don’t really have to because the entire song is one, I guess.” She shyly shrugged.

Charlie`s eyes grew wide “Wait...are you saying the song is about me? About us?” A big smile formed on his lips. (Y/N) nodded slowly making Charlie sighed, absolutely relieved. “May I?” He pointed to the guitar. She nodded handing it to him. He took it from her and placed it on the ground. (Y/N) looked confused at him. “It would have been in the way.” Charlie explained quietly as he gently grabbed her face, pulled her close to meet him in a soft, tender kiss.

Slowly they detached from one another, each smiling brighter than the other. (Y/N) chuckled “I can’t believe you feel the same!”.

“Well, I thought I let you know that it’s not all in your mind.” He quoted her.

(Y/N) laughed. “What do you think?” Charlie picked up her guitar and gave it to her.

He reached behind him where his guitar lay and placed it in his hands. “Should we play the song again? Together?” (Y/N) nodded joyfully. She took a deep breath, still trying to register what just had happened. Charlie smiled softly at her “You good to go?”

#charlie gillespie #charlie gillespie x reader #charlie gillespie x you #charlie gillespie x female reader #charlie gillespie x (y/n)#julie and the phantoms #jatp #love #everything has changed #actor #singer #fluff #fluffy #imagine #charles gillespie #luke patterson

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slut-for-mothman · 4 years ago

Text

Hell is For Children

Requested: Yes|No

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid

A/N: Special thanks to @oliverbrnch for editing this chapter and making it into what is is !!! I hope you all enjoy my first CM fanfiction !!!

Summary: After 13 years of trying to forget the man he was supposed to call his father, Spencer finds his phone riddled with messages from his father trying to catch up on "old times". He's met with criticism and shame when he reveals he has no want to talk to him. Everyone seems to think his father deserves a second chance. Everyone except for him. Aaron Hotchner. Logically it made no sense, Aaron had a kid of his own, would he not sympathize with his father for wanting to have a relationship with his son? Spencer finds comfort in the older man. Everytime his phone buzzes with a notification from William Reid, Aaron is always there to comfort him and distract him from the burning hole in his back pocket.

Chapter warnings: Angst, allusions to physical abuse. descriptions of violence and gore, swearing, and I think that's it.

Chapter One

December 16th, 5:15pm

"Hey son, I haven't seen or heard from you in a while. I hope you're doing okay."

Seeing that message was enough to twist the young doctors stomach in such intricate and painful knots he thought he might become violently ill.

"A while?" Spencer muttered to himself as he reread the message over and over. "it's been thirteen years, that's more than a while-"

A second message interrupted his train of thought.

December 16th, 5:27pm

"Why don't you come over sometime? My wife would love to see you, just something to think about..."

This message made something inside him break, the world shattering as his knees failed him. He swore he felt time stop as he reread those nauseating characters.

Wife? Since when was he remarried?

'Does she even know what he did to my mom, to me?' Spencer wondered, unable to tear his eyes away from his phone.

Does she even know she left a ten-year-old alone with his mentally-ill mother? Did she know what a selfish bastard he was?

Did they have kids?

Were they really that easily replaced?

Spencers mind was spinning, his apartment floor unsteady underfoot as his vision blurred. Tears stung his eyes, threatening to slip down his cheeks if he dared to blink.

His misery was interrupted as his phone buzzed once more in his palm.

Thankfully, it wasn't from the dreaded unsaved number, just Hotch.

December 16th, 7:14pm

"We have a case."

Spencer gathered his things, wiping the tears from his eyes on the cuff of his sleeve. He'd never been more grateful to hear those four words in his entire life.

His ride on the metro felt infinitely slower than normal, much to the young doctors dismay. The extra free time gave his mind permission to run away from his as much as it pleased.

His phone vibrated again and again with more messages from the unsaved number, each one more hostile and manipulative than the next when Spencer glanced at the device.

December 16th, 7:23pm

"Will you at least give me an answer? I know I screwed up, but that was a long time ago! I have a right to get to know my son."

December 16th, 7:25pm

"Imagine how I feel, not knowing my son has 3 PhD's and having to find out from my ex-wifes nurse. You're not the only one suffering here kid, remember that."

Spencer snapped his battered phone shut in frustration.

How did he even manage to make himself out to be the victim in this?

He's the one who left me.

'I don't owe him shit, not after what he did to me', Spencer thought furiously to himself, his knuckles white where they gripped his messenger bag.

'Maybe I should give him some kind of answer, let him know where he can stick-'

By the time the sentence popped into his head, his chest aching, he had reached his stop. Although cases weren't particularly a positive thing, anything was better than thinking about the man who had abandoned him and, subsequently, essentially ruined his entire life.

As soon as he stepped off the elevator and into the bullpen, he could feel his co-workers' eyes pierce right through him. It was almost like they could sense something was off with him the moment he entered Quantico.

Of course, while they were profilers, it's not like they were mind-readers.

He fled to the break room and poured himself a generous cup of coffee. He wanted to focus on what was important, which was certainly not the unread messages from a fetid man on his cellphone.

While pouring practically the entire container of sugar into his travel mug, he felt someone's hand touch his shoulder. He flinched slightly at the unexpected touch, and he turned to see Morgan, his eyebrows scrunched together in a confused and worried look.

"Slow down, kid. Have some coffee with your sugar." He said, his voice half-joking as he, presumably, tried to ease the tension practically emitting off of Spencer.

His phone vibrated once more from somewhere in his pockets, and Spencer's face twisted in fervent discomfort.

"Earth to Pretty Boy. You good?"

Spencer realized he was getting absorbed into his thoughts again and tried to brush it off with a quick sip of the sickly-sweet caffeinated concoction in his hand and a quick nod.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking." as if Spencer ever stopped thinking in the first place.

"Well, I'm here if you need anything, kid. But for right now, let's go find out about this case." Derek clapped Spencer on the shoulder again, which earned an instinctual flinch.

Instead of dwelling on that, Derek and Spencer strode towards the conference room, where everyone else had already begun piling in ad Garcia and Prentiss introduced them to their present case.

"Three men were found dead on the streets of a Nevada strip mall last night," Garcia began, pulling up the crime scene photos onto the screen.

Spencer flipped through the folder that was handed to him, scanning over the photos while distantly listening to the rather gruesome but ultimately unhelpful details Prentiss and Garcia were describing.

All three men had one of their fingers removed, yet their wedding bands were later found in their stab wounds upon closer investigation. They were all three found in close proximity to different hotels and known "lover's lanes".

The incessant vibrations and noise emitting from the dreaded device in his pocket was enough to make Spencer have a brain aneurysm.

He retrieved the phone from his pocket only to switch it off and shove it into the deep depths of his messenger bag. It wasn't necessary for a plane ride anyway.

His sudden movements earned him a few more concerned glances, but their attention was quickly diverted as Prentiss announced, "Wheels up in 30." effectively dismissing the team to get their things.

Spencer was restless the entire plane ride. It was only thirty minutes into the trip, with an hour and ten minutes left.

Normally, he'd be playing chess or even reading, but neither of those things seemed to tempt him, as all he could think of were the numerous messages probably flooding his discarded phone banished to the bottom of his messenger bag.

The last message he'd read replayed repeatedly in his mind like some awful alarm.

'Imagine how I feel...'

It made fiery anger swirl in his chest.

He could imagine how he felt. Because the pain William Reid inflicted before he finally left was enough to make Spencer understand what it was like to be sent to Hell and back, if such a place existed.

The memory of watching his own father leave his house at age 10 was enough to make him feel nauseous. His father leaving was the final stake through the young man's heart.

The physical pain, he could probably forgive him for. He would never forget, but maybe he could understand.

But leaving your young on to care for his mentally-ill mother? After all the pain he put him through, that kick while Spencer was already down was a new low.

For all Spencer cared, the man could rot. It was almost funny, thirteen years of healing down the drain with just a few text messages.

Once again, Spencer was ripped from his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder, It was Hotch, with a guarded but concerned look on his face.

"You've been way too quiet; is everything alright?"

'No', Spencer thought to himself. But he couldn't admit he wasn't okay, especially not before a case. More important things needed to be tended for than his own "daddy issues".

"I'll be okay," Spencer settled for. "Just some weird stuff has been happening lately. It's nothing I can't take care of, though."

It didn't dissuade Hotch's concerned look. If anything, it intensified the worry Spencer found there.

"Is it your mother? Is she alright?" He asked, leaning forward with furrowed eyebrows.

"She's okay! I actually just called her the other night," Spencer assured him. He bit his lip and gripped his messenger bag. "It's actually, uh, my dad. He's been messaging me, and I haven't spoken to him in thirteen years."

"Are you okay? Have you messaged him back any?" Hotch asked, releasing the worried lines on his forehead.

"I haven't, yet. I figured I'd wait until the case was over. That way, there's nothing in the way." Spencer explained, shifting uncomfortably in his seat as his eyes darted around the jet cabin.

Hotch must have picked up the signal to wrap up the conversation, because he gently reminded the young man that he could talk to him whenever he needs to, or just whenever he wants to.

Spencer smiled and inclined his head slightly. "Thanks, Hotch."

"It's not a problem, Reid. Now, let's get back to work."

Spencer flicked through the gruesome photos once more, the swirling anger in his chest dwindling for the first time since his phone at first pinged with that dreaded message.

For once, Spencer was able to completely forget about the slightly outdated phone burning a hole in the bottom of his messenger bag.

#spencer reid #aaron hotchner #criminal minds #spencer reid angst #hotchreid #aaron hotchner x spencer reid

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fandominvolved · 3 years ago

Text

Falling head first | SamBucky

Sumary: What happened that caused Buky to ignore Sam's text?

Warnings: smut (it's fade to black), swears, angst, and internalized homophobia (Bucky refers to himself liking Sam as not normal so if you're triggered by such please refrain from reading this fic)

Bucky knew this was going to happen. He knew Steve was going to leave and stay with Peggy. Still, that doesn’t make it hurt any less. Somehow it makes it more painful knowing that Steve went to him, hopeful that Bucky would agree with his plan. That he would be happy for Steve.

And maybe he is a little bit disappointed that Steve didn’t change his mind. That Steve didn't return at the last second.

After all, It has always been Steve and Bucky until it wasn’t.

Bucky popped off the beer cap with his vibranium arm. He couldn’t even get drunk, but it was better than letting himself pretend everything was okay. Bucky brought up the bottle towards his lips, swallowing down the bitter liquid.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sam walking closer to him. He turned around, raising an eyebrow, keeping his gaze settled on Sam.

He looked anxious, worried, uncertain. Sam’s hands kept fidgeting around, picking at an old scar on his thumb. And Bucky couldn’t blame him for it. After everything that has happened, he would be more worried about Sam acting fine.

“Did you know?” Sam asked, his voice held a rough edge to it as his fingers fiddled around the counter picking at an invisible piece of flint.

Bucky took another swig of the beer, “Yeah, he told me the day before,” Bucky answered. “I tried to get him to stay, but you know how he is-” Bucky chuckled humorlessly “-once he sees something he wants, he gets it no matter the cost,”

Sam glanced at Bucky, his eyebrows knit together. “What about the shield?”

Bucky offered his beer to Sam, watching as he took it out of his hands and took a big gulp. Bucky kept an eye on Sam, watching his face scrunch slightly at the bitter taste.

“What about it?”

“Did you know he was going to give it to me?” Sam asked, scanning Bucky’s face.

“I did,” Bucky nodded, “He told me that there wasn’t a better person to give it to, that you represent what Captain America should be,”

Sam shook his head “I’m no Steve Rogers,”

“You aren’t,” Bucky said, craning his neck upwards fixing his gaze onto the corner of the roof, “But you are Sam Wilson, and that’s enough,”

Bucky walked around the counter, bending down to grab another beer from the mini-fridge, “There’s a reason he chose you,” Bucky stood up, popping off the cap from the beer as he walked over next to Sam.

“Let me rephrase that, I’m no Captain America. I don’t do the stripes and stars bullshit, that was Steve’s job and now he’s gone.” Sam leaned against the counter.

“You aren’t, but you could be,” Bucky mumbled, “you can’t just let Steve’s legacy die, rotting away in some museum where the only things that are spoken are lies and half-truths,” He took another swig of the beer. The sour taste grounded him. Reminded him he was here and not there.

“That’s the problem I can’t live up to him, I can’t ruin his legacy,”

“If Steve thought you were going to ruin it all he would have never given it to you,” Bucky glanced at Sam, “Why are you so worried?”

“It isn’t just about his legacy, how do you think people would react to a new Captain America,” Sam mumbled, finally breaking eye contact with Bucky.

“They’ll get used to it,”

Sam huffed out, “Of course you don’t get it, just forget it,” Sam shook his head.

Bucky grabbed Sam’s shoulder, and he doesn’t know why he did that. Maybe he craved the familiar sense of warmth Steve used to bring him. “What don’t I get?”

Sam glared at Bucky-but he didn’t shrug Bucky’s handoff on the contrary he seemed to have melted at the slight contact. “Just forget it,”

“Forget what?” Bucky kept on pushing. He wanted, no, needed to know why Sam couldn’t just accept the mantle.

Sam rolled his eyes “Man, why am I even talking about this with you?” Sam shook his head, “You probably couldn’t even care less about what I do, all you care is about that stupid shield,”

Bucky tensed up, he glared at Sam, “It isn’t a stupid shield, it’s more than that,”

“You’re right, it’s a piece of metal that you have an unhealthy attachment to, Steve’s gone and the shield won’t bring him back,” Sam exclaimed, glaring back at Bucky as he angled his body so that it was directly in front of Bucky. Barely any space left between them.

"You don't think I know that? But that shield is the only thing Steve left behind and if you even think of throwing everything he worked for away, then I'm not going to let you,"

And if Bucky was smarter he should have put a stop to the rapidly escalating fight. He should have ignored Sam and just drank his day away, hoping that the beer would fill the hole in his heart. He should have just told Sam to calm down, and try to understand him.

But he didn’t.

Bucky was falling, he was falling headfirst with nothing to hang onto. And it’s terrifying how in a mix of fury, frustration, and anxiety Sam’s mouth is suddenly on his. It’s even more terrifying how much Bucky enjoys it.

Sam’s teeth bite into his lip drawing out a low moan from him. And he might be falling, but he has Sam to hold on to.

Sam’s kisses are bruising. He sucks, bites, and licks every inch of Bucky’s mouth. His hands are gripping Bucky’s hips, it would have been painful had it not been for the super-soldier serum running through Bucky’s veins like fire.

And as much as he wants to act surprised that he and Sam are making out, grinding against each other as their hands grab at every part of their body. He isn’t. Maybe he isn’t surprised because they both lost someone they loved today. Maybe they both crave that sense of security, happiness. That Steve only could give them. But he isn’t here anymore, and all they have is each other. So, they might as well hold on to each other.

Sam guided Bucky’s vibranium hand under his shirt, letting him explore every single inch of his vast chest. And this was happening. Bucky wasn’t strong enough to put a stop to this. Because as much as he knows they can’t do this, that this is wrong, he is enjoying every single drag of Sam’s tongue against his neck and can’t bring himself to put it to a stop.

He let his hands trail up Sam’s chest, pinching one of his nipples enjoying the way it drew a shaky breath from Sam. Bucky let out a low moan as Sam’s thigh brushed against his hard-on. And wasn’t that embarrassing, he was painfully hard by just making out. But, he couldn’t bring himself to care as Sam’s hand cupped his balls through his too-tight jeans.

Bucky didn't want Sam to one-up him, so he clumsily unzipped Sam's pants. Pulling them down enough that they rested just right under his ass, exposing Sam’s light grey boxer briefs.

Bucky smirked as his thumb grazed over the dark patch on Sam's underwear. "You seem eager," Bucky whispered out, his voice rough and a few octaves deeper, against the shell of Sam’s ear, darting his tongue out to lick at it.

Sam shuddered against Bucky as he glared at him, "Shut the fuck up," Sam grabbed onto Bucky's hair and slammed their lips together. Sucking onto his tongue, swallowing down the moan that ripped its way out from Bucky’s throat.

Bucky started palming Sam through his underwear, gripping the long length tightly.

And this was happening. He was about to have sex with Sam, it’s a bad idea. A horrible one. But, he really can’t bring himself to care. Can’t bring himself to think about the consequences. After all, right now it wasn’t his problem.

***

He couldn’t sleep. Not that he normally even slept, but this time it wasn’t the nightmares keeping him up. No. It was Sam’s naked body pressed against his back, the slow rise and fall of his chest that was keeping him up.

This wasn’t Bucky’s first time sleeping with a guy. He used to get around before he got drafted, even during the war he used to hook up with soldiers. But, they didn’t do this. They never stayed with each other.

They didn’t even talk after the deed was done. It was dangerous to even hook up with them back then. Bucky knows times have changed. Knows that he doesn’t need to hide this part of him. That it’s not immoral to feel these things. To act upon them.

But that is new. It's a change. Another different thing he needs to get used to.

He isn’t used to whatever the hell this is. He never hooked up with a friend- unless you count Howard, but it was a one-time thing- it was always with strangers. Men he would never see or speak to again. And he was fine with that. He was fine with not having a relationship with a man, after all, it was the 40s.

And he knows he should probably wait for Sam to wake up and figure out where they both stand. After all, this could have always been a one-time thing. They could always go back to being, sort of friends, sort of enemies.

He doesn't need to ignore Sam's entire existence with the fear of someone finding out what they did.

But old habits die hard.

He sat up, being careful not to wake Sam up. Bucky rubbed his flesh arm on his face and stood up. He walked towards the bathroom door and locked it behind him.

He stared at himself in the small mirror on the wall on top of the sink. Dark red hickeys covered his neck downwards until it reached his pectorals. He brought up a hand towards the biggest of them all, located on his collarbone different hues of reds and purples mixed, and ran a light finger over it. Wincing slightly at the contact.

He drifted his eyes over his dark locks of hair, threading his metal finger through them detangling the knots that had formed. His mind drifted back to Sam gripping his hair tightly, pulling on it as Bucky’s lips stretched out around his cock.

Bucky took a step back, letting his arms fall limp. He should stop thinking about Sam, and what happened between them. He should leave, he already has a place in Brooklyn, he just needs to leave. But something is keeping him there.

“Fuck,” Bucky whispered out shakily, finally looking away from the mirror. He was a mess. Bucky doesn’t even know if he will be able to face Sam after this.

He should have stopped it before it escalated. Before they ended up naked writhing against each other. But he didn’t. And now he had to face the consequences of his actions.

Bucky didn’t want to lose whatever fragile thing he had with Sam. Sam was the only person he even remotely knew in this world. But right now he doesn’t know where he stands with him. Doesn’t know if Sam even tolerates him, at the very least.

Bucky was quickly spiraling down a rabbit hole of thoughts he’d rather never get into.

Bucky jumped as a knock on the door echoed around the bathroom, breaking him out of his thoughts.

“Bucky? You alright in there?” Sam asked, raising his voice making sure that Bucky would hear him in the bathroom.

Bucky swallowed down the bile that was threatening to come up, his throat feeling way too dry. “Yeah-” Bucky cleared his throat, “-I’ll be out in a minute.”

Bucky kept his ears peeled, waiting to hear the sounds of Sam’s footsteps leaving, walking back towards the bed. But he didn’t hear that. All that he heard was the soft pound of his own beating heart in sync with Sam’s.

“What’re you doing in there?” Sam asked, a yawn making his way out as he talked.

Bucky looked around the bathroom spotting a pair of red scissors, “Cutting my hair,” Bucky answered after a minute of silence. It wasn’t a lie, he had thought about cutting his hair just not now.

Bucky heard Sam hum, “Need any help?”

“Yeah,” Fuck, why did he say yes. He could have avoided Sam a while longer if he said no. He couldn’t face Sam, not now. But the longer he hesitated, waited, the more impatient, worried Sam would get. So against his better judgment, he unlocked the door, and not even a second later Sam opened it. Entering the bathroom in just his boxer briefs.

“Hey,” Bucky whispered, and he was a mess. He didn’t know what to do in a situation like this. But Sam, Sam just smiled and nodded towards the toilet.

“Sit there,” Sam pointed towards the toiled, “Do you have any hair ties for that rat nest you call hair?”Sam asked, grabbing a towel from the rack.

Bucky wordlessly opened the sink cabinet and took out an unopened packet of hair ties. He placed it on top of the sink, next to the soap. As his feet moved on their own accord, or at least it felt like it. He straddled the toilet, leaving his back vulnerable. And even though he knew Sam would never hurt him, he still felt on edge. Tense. Anxious.

He flinched slightly as he felt the rough towel be carefully placed onto his shoulders. Goosebumps rose in his skin as he felt Sam’s breath against his neck.

“Relax, I know what I’m doing,” Sam whispered, Bucky nodded, keeping his lips shut, not trusting himself enough to speak.

Bucky watched Sam. Watched as he walked over to the hair ties and placed a couple of them onto his wrist.

The silence that was stretching out over them bothered Bucky.

Silence.

He hated silence. It made him think. Remember. And he only ever allowed himself to remember at night. Where he was safely hidden from peering eyes, able to let the nightmares haunt him. Destroy him. Eat him up little by little destroying every single good memory he might still have. Because he is James Buchanan Barnes. He is the Winter Soldier. And he deserves it. He deserves to feel the pain he made so many other people feel.

“How do you know how to..” Bucky gestured vaguely to his head. He needed to break the silence and if the awkward small talk was the way, he would do it.

Sam shrugged, dividing Bucky’s hair into two sections. “I have a sister, Sarah, when we were teenagers she went through this phase-” Bucky winced as Sam pulled on a strand of hair, “-sorry, but she went through a phase of wanting to have her hair really short,” Sam smiled, tying one of the ties onto one section of Bucky’s hair.

Bucky hummed, keeping his gaze on his vibranium arm. Sam’s voice was nice. It was comforting.

“She knew if she asked ma' and dad they would say no. So, she forced me every month for a whole year to cut her hair. I'm sure I still have pictures of the first haircut I gave her, it was horrible,” Sam chuckled, leaning over to grab the scissors.

“Any way you want it cut?” Sam whispered, threading his fingers through Bucky’s hair.

Bucky shivered slightly at the contact. It was strangely domestic, and as much as he hated this. Hated whatever was happening between them because he was scared. Scared of what it could mean for them. Scared of what it could mean for Bucky, and his relationship with his sexuality.

“I just want it short,” Bucky whispered, “I want- need a change,”

Sam hummed, “I think I can do that, just don’t get your hopes up,”

And maybe Bucky doesn’t feel comfortable in his skin anymore. And maybe he still feels the anxiety deep within him of the consequences that this might have, but right now he wants to enjoy it. He wants to enjoy this moment before it’s gone.

***

The haircut wasn’t that bad. It reminded him a lot of a long time ago. It reminded him of days when he was still hopeful that the world wasn’t as bad as it seemed. Bucky licked his lips as he stared at himself in the mirror, Sam did a better job than he was expecting.

“You’ve been staring at yourself for a while, do you like it?” Sam asked, meeting Bucky’s gaze through the mirror. Bucky could tell he was nervous, what for, he doesn’t know.

“Yeah, it came out better than I expected.” Bucky forced a smile onto his face. (It was a grimace, but he is still getting used to this again)

Sam rolled his eyes, the smile breaking out on his face betraying the fake glare he sent at Bucky, “I’m guessing that as much as a compliment I’m going to get from you,”

Bucky nodded, still on edge. Tense.

“Alright,” Sam nodded, clapping Bucky on his bare shoulder, “I’m heading back to bed, are you..” Sam trailed off as he stared at Bucky, a hopeful glint in his eyes.

And it was too much for Bucky. The blatant hope that this could be something more was so unfamiliar. That this wasn’t just a fuck and leave situation. That he could have this.

But he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve Sam, he has so many problems and so many issues. He can’t burden Sam with it. And maybe a part of him still believes what he feels for Sam isn’t right. Isn’t normal.

“Some other time-” There was no other time, this was a one time thing only, “-I have to go to Brooklyn, I have, uh, mandated therapy,” Bucky whispered, watching as Sam’s face fell slightly. Bucky could somehow feel the hole in his heart get impossibly bigger. And it hurts.

Sam nodded, “Yeah, of course, guess I’ll see you some other time,” (There wouldn’t be another time to see Sam, Bucky would make sure of it,)

Bucky nodded, “Yeah,” He agreed, ignoring the way the pit in his stomach got impossibly deeper.

Sam walked closer to Bucky, he placed a hand onto Bucky’s waist, his thumb rubbing comforting circles over the skin.

And that just made Bucky leaving Sam even more painful, but it was for the best.

But he can be selfish, for a little bit he can be selfish. So, Bucky dove down, capturing Sam’s lips with his in a kiss. And Sam kissed him back just as passionate. And this isn’t right, this was a lovers kiss, a promise. Something Bucky can’t give Sam.

“Don’t be a stranger,” Sam whispered against his lips.

Days later he would be in his apartment in Brooklyn, sitting on the floor. Ignoring all of Sam’s missed calls and texts. Because Sam deserves better, he doesn’t deserve a mess. And as much as he wants to be selfish, he can’t.

Because whatever he is feeling? He doesn't deserve to feel it. He caused so much pain, he isn't allowed to feel this blossoming love that is slowly spreading.

He is falling. He is falling with nothing to hold on to. Except this time he just hopes it kills him.

#sam wilson #bucky fanfic #the falcon and the winter solider spoilers #oneshot #fatws bucky #marvel #bucky barnes angst #sam wilson deserves the world #sam wilson x bucky barnes #bucky barnes x sam wilson

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newbeginningsworld · 6 years ago

Text

Alive

For the longest time I've been unhappy with who I am.. just unhappy in general.

For the longest time, I've lived with this thing that's always been hard to explain..

My depression.

My anxiety.

The feeling of worthlessness.

I remember when it began.

It started when my father left when I was only 3 years old. He was in and out of my life until I was 10. It was then, at ten years old, when I decided he needed to stay out of my life for good.

He left me to grow up wondering if I actually really mattered.

He left me to grow up never being able to trust a man to stay. Never able to trust that anyone would stay.

He left me to believe that at the end of the day everyone would end up leaving me..just like he did.

As just a young child, I went through years of therapy, but it never really helped.

Talking to a stranger about what was going on in my ten year old mind did not help one bit.

The depression.

It only worsened during my sophomore year of high school.

I was lost.

My grades were slipping. I couldn't be on my lacrosse team anymore because of the results in my classes. My friends were going their own way, figuring out where they belong.

I, on the other hand, was alone.

I was alone with just my thoughts. The voices in my head were telling me I was unimportant; worthless. That I had nobody by my side. That I would continue to fail.

I was at war with my own mind.

I abused myself.

I neglected myself.

For years, I would look in the mirror and see nothing and felt nothing but hate.

I began to believe I had no purpose.

I had given up on life.

There was no point anymore.

I remember the exact moment when I completely gave up.

I was sitting in the corner of a running shower, tears flooding down my face, a razor blade in my hand.

That was the moment I attempted to take my own life.

I remember piercing my own skin, watching the blood run down my arm.

Instead of feeling pain, I felt relief.

All the pain. All of the sadness. All of the loneliness. All of the fear of failure. It was all about to end.

I would finally be set free from the prison cell of a body that I was trapped in.

But it wasn't enough.

I failed to take my own life.

And deep down, I was grateful that I didn't.

My physical wounds would heal, but leave scars as a reminder.

I remember the look on my mom's face when I told her what I had done.

The expressions of shock. The expressions of sadness and disappointment.

I had made her believe that this was her fault.

It wasn't.

It was the voices in my head. My depression.

I started going back to therapy.

Again, it didn't help.

Even though it was always going to be lurking behind me, I learned to keep it at bay.

And that was going to have to be okay for now.

Two years later, I graduated high school.

I persevered and overcame all of the obstacles and challenges.

Graduating means I survived.

The next two and a half years, I took time off.

Applying for job after job, just to get by.

I was trying to find myself, find my purpose in life.

But I still felt so lost. With no meaning.

Some days were better than others. Some days were worse.

Most days I lived in a state of pure agony and fear. My bad days usually involved me locked in my room completely numb to everything. Other times it involved voices, which sometimes became aggressive. At times, it made me believe things that aren't real. That don't exist. It made me feel things that aren't real, including physical pain. It made me relive the worst moments over and over and over again with no escape. At times it was terrifying and draining.

But I hid it. I shoved my feelings aside. As I always did out of the fear of judgment and being misunderstood.

I had come to terms that this was just apart of me and there was no fixing it.

Along the way, I found someone.

Someone who made me feel happiness. The happiness I couldn't yet give myself. Someone who put my mind at ease. Someone who was not only my love, but my best friend. Someone who taught me how to smile again. How to laugh. That I could be who I was and he would still love me. He made me feel okay, even when certain things weren't okay. In the beginning, he showed me the most beautiful love.

I thought I had found the one. My soulmate. The person who I could see a future with. The person who I could build a life with.

Then suddenly we were a world apart. But I promised I'd always wait for him and he promised to do the same.

Two months later, everything changed. Things were different between us. He had become cold, angry, and distant. At times, even ignoring me, pushing me away, and forgetting plans we made. I just wasn't a priority in his life anymore. I felt like I was walking on eggshells. Worried anything would set off his anger. I spent months lying awake at night, doubting myself. Wondering where I went wrong, if I was good enough, what I could do better. Trying to change who I was to better fit his liking.

Throughout all of it..I lost myself.

I have no idea who that girl was. I was so consumed in my relationship and trying to make it work, I couldn't recognize myself. If I would have listened to my friends and let go, maybe things would have been different. Maybe I wouldn't have lost friends. Maybe I wouldn't have lost myself. Maybe I wouldn't have been living through my boyfriend.

But I continued to fight for my relationship..to try to make it better than it was. Even though deep down, I knew it would never change.

He continued to push me away. He closed himself up. He would even cut off in the middle of a conversation and just disappear. He had given up on trying to fix things. He had given up on us.

I felt alone in this relationship.

It was then I had come to realize that all the words that were said were just words. All of the promises made were all lies. I found out I was not the only girl in his life, or at least he didn't want me to be. For months, he would have moments of extreme jealousy. He would see guys complimenting me and accuse me of liking it more than I should. He would accuse me of cheating and make me feel belittled.

When in reality he was the one who was cheating.

The plans of our future, the words of love, they all came crashing down. They were all replaced with the feeling of pain, betrayal, anger, and sadness. It hurt like hell. This feeling of pain and betrayal sits in the very core of my being. Its like a rotting corpse of our future together that was brutally murdered by his actions. Its foul. It's a stench I have no words for. I can not recognize the person I once had so much love for. Who I poured my heart out to and would have given everything to. He was a stranger.

I had let him in. He broke down all of the walls I had built to protect myself. I let him see all the parts of me, even the dark parts of me. I trusted him with my heart, just for him to walk all over it and treat like everything we had been through was..nothing.

I am the one who is going to have to live with this. Knowing the one person I trusted completely and fully not only betrayed me, but forever destroyed the trust I will place in others. How am I ever supposed to believe in anyone again? I won't be able to. Not fully.

I finally gathered up the courage to end it. To leave this one sided relationship. This toxic relationship. I realize now that at the end I was only holding on to this relationship because I was afraid of being alone. But sometimes being alone is exactly what you need.

So that you can finally see everything clearly.

I had been blinded by love, that I didn't see it for what it truly was. I know now that I'm better off. That I deserve better.

Even though I lost my relationship and a best friend,

I gained something so much better.

Me.

My entire life, I have been trying to fill this void, but nothing ever seemed to stick.

There was always something missing.

I know now,

That missing piece I had always been looking for

was Me.

I needed to find myself again.

To learn to love myself.

I had gone down a self destructive path.

I had not only lost myself, but I lost faith.

But now, I'm ready.

I'm ready to dedicate my life to something better.

I am ready find my faith again. I am ready to surrender all of my fears and worries. I am ready to go down the path that has always been meant for me.

I am finally going down a path where I can see light instead of darkness.

I'm finally on a path to getting better.

I'm finally on a path to learning to love myself.

I'm learning to not let my depression, my thoughts and my feelings consume me.

I am learning to forgive and let go of all that pain and toxicity.

I am learning to finally be in control of my own body and my own mind.

I am learning its also okay to feel emotions. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to not be okay. I know now that I am stronger than the struggles I face. I know I am strong enough to get through anything. There is a reason for everything. My struggles made me stronger and made me the person I am today.

I am learning that things will not always turn out how you planned. And it's okay if they don't.

It's okay if I lose people; if I lose friends. Sometimes it's for the best. I am learning to let go of the toxic people and I know now that I deserve better. I deserve to be made a priority; to be put first for once.

It's okay not to get the perfect score on every exam. Nobody is perfect.

I am learning not to compare myself to others. I was made the way I am for a reason. I am me and that is enough.

I am learning I do not have wear make up everyday. I do not have to play a part. I am beautiful the way I am.

I am learning that we only have one life and I am no longer going to take that for granted.

You only live once, so I'm going to eat that piece of pizza. Or the entire pizza. I earned that pizza.

I'm going to sing my favorite song at the top of my lungs, as if nobody is listening, even if they are.

I'm going to see more movies, even it's by myself.

I'm to make my dreams a reality. I'm going to study hard, graduate and become a Vet Tech.

I'm going travel.

Go on more walks and enjoy the world around me; because sometimes it can actually be beautiful.

Love unconditionally and be loved unconditionally.

I am going to actually live.

I am learning that I DO deserve to be happy. For me and nobody else. I am learning that I AM important. I am ENOUGH. I do MATTER. My happiness matters. My mental health matters.

Life is too short to be anything, BUT happy. Smile & take a deep breathe because everything we are facing is temporary.

After everything, I have finally found my purpose in life. I am finally moving forward.

I can finally see a future that I am in.

The weight on my chest.

It is lifted and I can finally breathe easy.

I overcame

I conquered

I survived.

I am ALIVE and I finally want to be!

#poetry #poem #poets on tumblr #poems #self love #recovery #anxitey #mental health #positive mental attitude #mental health awareness #mental heath support

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