#okay but you wouldn't believe me but they've gotten better

[velvetcloxds]

monique I love you and your writing but every time you write a kissing scene it's exactly the same thing </3

bestie ksjd

no bcs that's fair, for a girl who hasn't been kissed before it's definitely a struggle to write kissing scenes so I'm really trying my best, I swear

[midnight-bay-if]

~Hello~🤗

So, how would the ROs react if in an argument, the Mc got scared and flinched/pulled away (not necessarily out of fear or trauma, just a normal startle reaction).

Bye!

S: They didn't mean to do it. It's a rare occurrence in which S will raise their voice at all. They tend to veer towards ending arguments with telling glares rather than verbalise them. Today should have been the same, but exhaustion and personal frustrations had built up. They see you flinch, and instantly, their heart breaks. They were never meant to be this, another carbon copy of their parents.

With that cringe-inducing stray thought, S closes their eyes and takes a deep breath. Then, they shake their head, discarding the anger. "I apologise, MC, for my rash words. I would like to continue this conversation calmly, if and when you are ready."

Rain: They can't believe it. They can't even remember what made them so mad, to begin with. All they can think about is you recoiling from them, the slight flinch of fear repeating in their mind. Tears gather in their eyes as shame takes over. "I'm sorry, MC. I didn't mean to do that to you. How about we curl up over hot chocolates instead?"

Taj: They are too blinded by their anger to notice at first. Their voice has gradually gotten louder for the past five minutes; they haven't noticed you pulling away at the same rate. The tension culminates when, with frustration balled into their chest, Taj raises their hands, ready to rub their face, but the motion is too aggressive, and it startles you. Taj realises that, at that moment, you believe they are a person capable of hurting you. That scares them.

So, they walk away. They aren't calm enough to explain themselves just yet, so they do the only thing they can. Once the tension has died, they return to you with your favourite sweet snack and a letter. Words are hard for Taj in the moment; writing down their thoughts is easier. "Here, Koel," they mutter. "Read this. And, I'm sorry."

N: In any other circumstance, N would feel proud of having made someone flinch by merely raising their voice. But this time, it feels different. This time, they feel something akin to shame. Which is absolutely preposterous, mind you. Still... It wouldn't do to have you upset with them over such a minor infraction... "Now, my dear, this is unbecoming of us, don't you think? How about we skip this unpleasantness and relax with a nice bottle of wine?"

If you do not seem amenable to the suggestion, they will drop the pretence and soften their voice. Somewhat, at least. "Do excuse my abominable behaviour, MC. It is too easy to forget I am no longer battling the wills of other demons."

Umbra: How could they? What right did they have to do that to you?! They saw it. THEY SAW IT! The fear was there, momentarily perhaps, but it was there. They're monstrous.

Umbra spent so long convincing themself they could do better; be better for you... It made them lose sight of what they are. The kindest option left would be to leave you entirely, but they have never been that selfless. How do people usually go about taking back the hurts they've caused. In their panic, they can't remember. So, instead, Umbra lets instinct take over.

With tears in their eyes, they fall to their knees before you and reach up to grasp at the hem of your shirt with their eyes firmly set on the floor. They do not deserve to look at you. "I don't know what came over me, MC. I'm so sorry. These dirty hands have no right to be so close to you, but I'm too afraid to let go. Please, forgive me."

(I'm so sorry these are so long. But I hope these are okay, haha.)

[bunni-v1]

hii, congrats on 500 followers! if it’s okay, i’d like to request idia, trey and leona with D, J, K, M, and T for the NSFW alphabet ^^

🍓AGH I FORGOT YOU LAST NIGHT! I'm so sorry, I was so tired I didn't even notice you among the full list of requests. Please find it in your heart to forgive me!

TW: Idia is REALLY fucking weird; Incest mention (NOT between Ortho and Idia); Idia being a creep; Idia's kinks; Idia

Idia

D - Dirty Secret: Idia is known to watch the cameras at NRC. What people don't know is those cameras are EVERYWHERE (minus the dorm rooms and bathrooms). He sees the students "sneaking around" in broom closets and darkly lit hallways. He hears the muffled whines and moans of "exhibitionists" trying not to get caught. Little do they know they've had his eyes on them the whole time and he's enjoying himself right along with them. It's even better if you're involved (in the case that you're not together, though he's not against cuckolding completely). Seeing his crush be dominated (or do the DOMINATING) by someone else gets him all hot and bothered.

J - Jack Off: He is in a sexual relationship with his right hand. He jacks off all the fucking time -- at least thrice daily. It's always to the worst shit imaginable too, like fucked up incest hentai, anime girls that are HARDLY legal, the shit you'd imagine a shut-in to be into. He's embarrassed by it, 'cause the shit he does is so gross. He'd find it hot if you wanted to watch him though. He'd be all whiny and shy about it, but it's honestly the sexiest thing he's ever done.

K - Kink: The better question is what kink does he NOT have? Roleplay, marking, hardcore bdsm, cuckolding, blah blah blah. You name it, he's considered it and gotten off to it at least once. However, his favorite thing? Soft mushy sex. The kind where you hold his hand and tell him how good he's doing, how well he gets you off, how big his dick is, how pretty he is when he cries. Ugh, that's the shit for him.

M - Motivation: Brushing his hand with yours is enough to make him pop a boner. You can't blame him though, he's never felt the touch of another person who isn't his literal family.

T - Toys: Yeah of course he uses toys. He has a collection (that he HIDES like it's the nuclear codes or something) that he uses on himself when he feels like it. If you wanted to use them on him he wouldn't be opposed... if you want him to use them on you, well, that's even better.

Trey

D - Dirty Secret: Believe me or not, Trey is a fucking perv. He's REALLY ashamed of it because he's Heartslabyul's resident good-boy big brother. He's a role model for most of his dorm mates, so him creeping on the other guys in the locker room isn't something he wants to get out. Oh yeah, he's a panty sniffer lol.

J - Jack Off: Despite being a perv, he doesn't feel a need to get off all that often. Back at home, he doesn't have the time or privacy to. So he just learned to deal with a raging boner. However, when he does, which is rare, he prefers the fantasy of you under the table sucking him off during class over anything porn can offer.

K - Kink: Trey isn't all that kinky, other than the whole panty-sniffing thing. He likes things simple and easy, but he enjoys a power-dynamic kind of situation a lot. Never tell anyone this, but if you wanna play step-siblings with him, it's probably the hardest he ever cums in his life.

M - Motivation: Giving him personal attention over anyone else is a surefire way to get him up and going. Especially when other people want your attention, and you just hard focus on him. Sevens, he loves that, fuels a very rare possessive side of him that he doesn't let out often.

T - Toys: Nah, Trey's a pretty "I'm gonna do it myself" kinda guy. If a toy can give you more pleasure than he can, he's not really doing his jobe right, is he?

Leona

D - Dirty Secret: He wants to be DOMINATED. Put him in his PLACE, call him a good kitty, make him grovel, and beg for you to let him cum. It's his ultimate fantasy, and he wouldn't EVER admit it to anyone -- especially not you. He can't let you know you could have that power over him. (He's a hard dom until he's not, lol).

J - Jack Off: A lot of people say that Leona doesn't jack off but like...? Are we talking about the same character? There is NO WAY he doesn't just lay in bed and stroke it on a really lazy day. Like, yeah he doesn't particularly enjoy it, he'd rather have you, but you have to do what you have to do to get off.

K - Kink: Leona, surprisingly, isn't into anything too humiliating for his partner. I mean, he's got a humiliation kink that goes both ways -- but that's completely verbal degradation stuff. He's a choker, but he'd never slap you. He's pretty much into everything you'd expect a hard dom to be into, but he'd never physically hurt you. It's against his moral code.

M - Motivation: It's hard to get him motivated if he's not into something. So really, there's nothing that gets him motivated, he either wants to fuck you or he doesn't and nothing's changing his mind. Even that pretty silk set he bought you. He's tired now, come take a nap with him. (If you're insistent, he'll eat you out or smth, but don't expect much more than his mouth and hands.)

T - Toys: Leona, like Trey, is very much an "I can do it myself, we don't need toys" guy. And, he's right, he can. He honestly finds toys insulting to his ability and refuses ANYTHING like that ANYWHERE near him or you.

[elliesdin0saur]

Ellie hcs; you get hurt on patrol

first of all to be fair ellie would never want you to go out on patrol without her as your duo, she wouldn't want anything happening to you and her not being there. matter of fact ellie would do anything to stop you from getting hurt, she would throw herself in front of a clicker if she had to.

though on a few occasions there where times when maria needed an extra pair of hands with some other job, leaving you with another duo, though ellie would only leave you to either jesse or joel.

no way she was trusting you with some newer jackson recruits who had just barely figured out the routes on patrol and would flee at the smallest sight of clickers.

so you where on patrol with jesse, scanning this abandoned supermarket. you had encountered a small group of infected in the area that seemed quiet. as you navigated through the abandoned buildings, joking a bit with jesse, a sudden ambush by a group of hostile survivors caught you both off guard.

outnumbered and overwhelmed, a stray bullet grazed your head, leaving a bloody wound that made you lose consciousness. jesse somehow took out the raiders and managed to get you on his horse.

quickly riding you back to Jackson seen your condition, as you get there, maria would probably be the first to figure out. followed by ellie who knew the patrol schedule, figuring nobody could've gotten back so fast, knowing something is wrong. god forbid something had happened to you and she didn't know.

she would first definitely bark at Jesse, seeing the condition your in, "[your name]- Jesse what the fuck happened!? You were supposed to watch each other's backs out there!"

it was a bit rude but ellie honestly couldn't give a fuck, she was only focusing on you, she would without a doubt take you over from jesse. She would immediately take charge, barking orders to others nearby to clear a path to the infirmary.

"hey baby, c'mon, wake up," ellie would murmur softly, her voice a gentle reassurance as she cradles you. she would definitely be extremely scared and worried seeing all the blood on you, knowing if she where there she maybe could've prevented it. feeling somewhat guilty.

as the medical team works to assess and treat your injuries, ellie wouldn't lose her sight on you, her jaw clenched in silent determination. the occasional muttered curse under her breath slipping out.

after you got treated, they hooked you up to a monitor, giving you heavy pain medications that made you sleep.

once the initial chaos subsided, ellie would pull up a chair beside your bed, maintaining a vigilant watch. her fingers would absentmindedly trace over yours, a quiet gesture of reassurance, as she waits for any signs of your recovery.

ellie would sit beside the chair for hours, not leaving your side once. checking the monitor for you heartbeats, counting if it lined up alright.

joel would come by to see how you where doing and to check on ellie, "you should eat some dinner kiddo, heard they've got some good burrito's in mess ha-", but the poor man wouldn't even be able to finish the sentence before ellie interrupted, "no thanks, 'm fine". joel even offered to watch you while she'd get dinner but nope, she wasn't leaving your side whatsoever.

"you gotta wake up, okay baby? can't have you slacking off on me now," she'd say with a faint smile, attempting to inject a bit of her trademark humor into the heavy atmosphere.

her fingers would gently intertwine with yours, seeking some connection in the stillness. "you're tougher than anyone I know. we've been through worse, right?" she'd continue, a mix of tenderness and determination in her voice.

i feel like in this situation ellie would definitely start to question religion, feeling like if she believed in something it would somehow be easier. as if one prayer could somehow magically make you better again in a split second. though she knew she wouldn't believe in anything (yeah fuck face david ruined that for her), the thought of dina saying small prayers sometimes to stay calm and have hope seemed nice enough.

as you'd start to wake up, feeling the haze of unconsciousness lifting, ellie's eyes would widen with a hint of relief and surprise. she'd be right there, by your side, closely watching for any signs of movement.

the moment she notices signs of consciousness, a mixture of relief and tenderness would wash over her face. she'd lean in slightly, her voice a soft murmur.

"hey babe," she would say, a small, genuine smile playing on her lips. "took you long enough. thought I'd have to start telling bad jokes to wake you up."

even in the discomfort you'd managed to crack a small smile, ellie pressing a kiss to your head, slowly helping you into a more comfortable position sitting upright. she had already made sure to have 2 soft pillows for when you'd wake up, it being nicer for your back.

she'd reach for a nearby cup of water, offering it to you with a gentle touch. "Here, take it slow. You've been out for a bit," ellie would advise, concern evident in her eyes as she watches for any signs of discomfort.

your head was still hurting you a bit, despite the medicine. ellie wouldn't talk too much, just gently tracing patterns up you arm with her fingers.

as you become more alert, ellie would subtly check for any signs of pain or disorientation, her movements careful and deliberate. "how you feeling?" she'd ask, her tone a mix of curiosity and genuine worry. after telling her you're somewhat alright, seen you quite literally had a hole in your head, she'd calm down a bit.

during your mandatory 2 days in the infirmary ellie would do anything, literally anything to keep you entertained and cared for.

she'd share some stories, whether they're tales from your adventures or some embarrassing moments of her own. "so, once i mistook a clicker for a vending machine shadow...", making you both cackle from laughter.

you missed having ellie next to you, like physically being close to you instead of her sitting in that chair. you'd plead for her to lay next to you, scooting to make place. she didn't want to at first, afraid she'd might move and hurt you "babe, I don't want to hurt you".

though after some more pleading and you pulling the "i'm sick, i can get whatever i want and i want my girlfriend" card, she gave in.

ellie wouldn't really leave your side, still, only if she was doing something for you, like picking these flowers she knew you loved, just outside the gate, "just sprucing up the place. hospitals need some flair."

ellie would keep you updated about what's happening outside the infirmary, sharing updates about the community, plans, and anything else to make you feel more connected to the world beyond the walls of the room, she knew you hated staying in a room all day.

finally after 2 days you get discharged, meaning ellie can take you home. she'd completely bundle you up in warm clothing, she didn't want you catching a cold, even though the walk to your cabin was just 4 minutes.

back at your shared cabin, ellie would fuss over you, preparing a makeshift bed with extra blankets to keep you warm and comfortable. "you're on mandatory rest duty, alright? no arguments," she'd declare, a mix of determination and tenderness in her voice.

she would totally position herself near the front door, keeping a watchful eye on anyone approaching. "i'm not letting anyone disturb your sleep," she'd joke, a subtle way of expressing her determination to protect you and let you rest.

ellie would take on a makeshift nurse role, carefully tending to your wounds, changing the bandages for you. "alright, brace yourself for my top-notch first aid skills," she'd say with a grin, trying to lighten the mood as she tended to the injuries.

ellie, with surprisingly skilled hands (see what I did there) would offer to braid your hair, seeing how you hated it being all greasy but not being able to wash yet because of your injury.

your favorite fuzzy pajamas that you love to wear? washed and neatly folded on your bed, ready for you to wear. your favorite movie and snack? already waiting on the kitchen counter.

you'd watch the movie, though ellie could only look at you, cradling you in her arms as she holds you gently. incredibly happy her girlfriend is home again. hugs? kisses? anything you wanted, ellie's right there.

"love you babe", she'd gently whisper, a smile tugging at her lips, "love you more els".

honestly, you didn't mind being injured or sick, knowing ellie williams was there to pamper you x

===

[amethystina]

Girl you're calling that a sex scene? That was the ART OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. You are the best at what you do and I'm sorry I know I'm shameless but your fic got me thinking, understanding the boys as good as you do, how do you think Yo Han would react if he got some indications or evidence that Ga On is cheating on him? Not that I'll ever believe Ga On to be capable of it, but I'm just wondering if some signs pointed that way, what do you think Yo Han would do or think?

I have to say, this ask nearly gave me a heart attack x'D Because the notification only said: "Girl you're calling that a sex scene? That was" before it cut off, so I definitely had time to start panicking, wondering just how terrible that sex scene must have been. A part of me didn't even want to open the ask x'D

It was fine once I did, obviously, but man, I was scared there for a second.

ANYWAY. I think Yo Han's reaction depends on how long they've been together. And also what kind of hints and evidence he's seeing, of course, but his actions depend mostly on how long they've been together and how secure he feels in their relationship.

Like, I think that after a couple of years, once they've gotten settled, gotten better at communicating, and Yo Han has learned that no, he won't actually end up devouring Ga On because Ga On has enough darkness of his own to withstand whatever Yo Han can throw at him, he'll calm down significantly. He'll realise that Ga On doesn't want someone else and, even if Ga On did, he's bold enough to just flat-out say that. He wouldn't go behind Yo Han's back and cheat — he'd tell Yo Han to his face that he's found someone else and wants to separate.

Not that Ga On ever would, but he's too honest and righteous to sneak around and lie, basically.

So, like, after a certain point, even if they ended up in the cliché, dramatic scenario where Ga On comes home with lipstick on his shirt collar, Yo Han's first thought wouldn't be: "Are you cheating on me?" but rather: "Did someone try to assault you?"

Quickly followed by: "Who is she?" and "Where does she live?"

Yo Han, NO.

And when Ga On explains that he was just trying to help a drunk woman get a taxi home and she collapsed against him as they were waiting and must have smudged lipstick on his collar as she did so, Yo Han would just go: "Yeah, that checks out. That's definitely something Ga On would do — and much more reasonable than him cheating on me."

(Partly also because Yo Han kind of expects that if Ga On truly was cheating on him, despite all odds, he would be much better at hiding the evidence. He trained his sugar baby better than that, okay?)

But if it's earlier in their relationship? When Yo Han still thinks that he's going to suffocate or scare Ga On away? And Ga On hasn't learned to open up yet? So he won't tell Yo Han what he's feeling and thinking? Then things might develop differently — and can turn quite ugly, unfortunately.

Like, it can start with something as simple as Ga On being tired. Perhaps work is being difficult — forcing him to stay late a lot — and maybe it's getting close to the anniversary of Soo Hyun's death and Ga On is closing himself off more than usual. But Ga On doesn't want to bother Yo Han with something as silly as him being tired, or reawaken the jealousy Yo Han feels towards Soo Hyun, so he just doesn't say anything. And tells white lies when Yo Han asks if something is wrong. But Yo Han would notice that Ga On starts brushing him off, is home less often, and probably isn't as physically affectionate as he usually would be.

And once the thought that Ga On might be cheating on him appears, it'd be difficult for Yo Han to let it go. He'd probably push it aside at first, with the very reasonable explanation that, no, Ga On is too honest and good for something like that. But it would resurface the next time Ga On brushes him off, and get even worse when Ga On seems tense and a little awkward when he hugs Yo Han — as if he's feeling uncomfortable.

Or guilty.

And Ga On is feeling guilty, because he's missing Soo Hyun and he knows that Yo Han wouldn't like that if he knew. And so Ga On clams up even more, refusing to talk about it. But Yo Han would assume it's because of something else — something even worse.

And, sadly, once the suspicion gains hold, I think Ga On would be guilty until proven innocent in Yo Han's mind. Because Yo Han is never wrong, right? So, clearly, it's just a matter of finding the evidence. And so he'd try to find said proof by invading Ga On's privacy, having him followed and investigated — all that unacceptable shit Yo Han does. Because now Yo Han has something to prove and he'd lose sight of the fact that, in doing so, he might just be causing an even bigger problem that will, sooner or later, blow up in his face. He'd lose himself to the hunt.

Because it's not like there will ever come a time when he goes: "Okay, I've had Ga On followed for three weeks now and he hasn't done anything, that probably means he's not cheating on me." It'd be: "He just hasn't slipped up yet."

On pure habit, he'd start treating Ga On like a target — like someone he has to expose.

And since Yo Han can't exactly talk to Ga On about this — who is now one of the few people who'd try to hold Yo Han back when he crosses the line (R.I.P. K, we miss you) — there's literally nothing stopping him. And so it just becomes a question of what happens first: Ga On figuring out that Yo Han is having him followed for some reason, Ga On catching Yo Han invading his privacy, or Ga On getting unsettled enough by Yo Han's behaviour to ask what the hell is going on.

Because Yo Han wouldn't be able to just keep behaving normally. He's a good actor, yes, but Ga On knows the difference between Yo Han's genuine affection and when he's trying to fake it. And Yo Han has to start faking it after a while, once his doubts grow strong enough. Because it's difficult to keep giving it your all when you think your partner is cheating on you.

And Ga On would be able to tell when Yo Han starts acting weird. But there's also a danger that he might assume that it's because Yo Han has figured out what's going on with Ga On. As in, Ga On thinks that the displeasure he's picking up on is lingering jealousy over Soo Hyun, not this new threat that Yo Han has conjured up in his mind. Because the day Soo Hyun died is a date both of them know, and all that. So, maybe, Ga On wouldn't actually say anything at first, afraid that would just make Yo Han more agitated.

Meanwhile, Yo Han would be so goddamn confused because he really didn't think Ga On was this good of an actor. Because despite a bit of awkwardness, Ga On is still mostly himself, not showing nearly as much guilt as Yo Han had expected. Yo Han is surprised that Ga On can act that well.

(It's because he's not acting, you pickled cucumber)

So, most likely, I'd say that it all comes to a head when Yo Han gets caught snooping. Either because Ga On figures out that, yes, he truly is being followed, or catches Yo Han looking through his phone or something. And the resulting argument would, uh, not be pretty.

Because even if some part of Ga On could probably see that Yo Han's actions are mostly founded in insecurities — Yo Han thinking he doesn't deserve Ga On, being sure he'll scare him away eventually, thinking Ga On can easily find someone better, etc. — it's also incredibly painful to hear that Yo Han thought he'd do something like that. Like, I think Ga On could forgive the invasion of privacy and light stalking relatively easily, but the fact that Yo Han genuinely thought he'd cheat on him? That his trust in Ga On and Ga On's devotion to him is apparently that weak?

That hurts.

And, sure, Yo Han's doubts are understandable to some degree but, as per usual, it's the way he chooses to act on them that's the biggest problem. Instead of having Ga On followed like a criminal, he should have just asked to have an adult conversation about it.

Not at all helped by the fact that Yo Han would, of course, get defensive when Ga On points this out, and insist that he had very good reasons because Ga On was behaving so weirdly. Which of course means that Ga On has to explain why that is, and then Yo Han does end up feeling jealous over the whole Soo Hyun thing again, but also kind of terrible because Ga On has been suffering for weeks and he didn't notice. Like, jealousy and all that aside, Yo Han still loves Ga On with every fibre of his being and wants to protect him from everything that can hurt him — including the lingering grief after Soo Hyun's death. Ga On shouldn't suffer, period.

And it's not until after he's had that thought that Yo Han suddenly realises just how badly he's fucked up. Because Ga On would definitely be crying by then, in between the angry yelling. Like, Yo Han only has to look at him and see how devastated Ga On is, and then he'd realise that's all on him. It's Yo Han's fault.

He did that.

And, in that moment, Yo Han would also realise that he isn't immune to the concept of self-fulfilling prophecies. Since, in all the time he and Ga On has been together, this is definitely the closest he's actually come to scaring Ga On away. Because Ga On would, at the very least, move out of their shared bedroom for a while after that. If he still has his apartment, he might even go so far as to return there, too hurt and humiliated to stay at the house.

(Let's hope Elijah is somewhere else — exploring the world or something — because, otherwise, she would smack the everloving shit out of Yo Han)

And so they would both be miserable for a while and, not so surprisingly, Yo Han would feel terrible. Like, that man would spiral, probably faster than he ever has in his entire life. Because, understandable trauma and insecurities aside, this is his fault. The situation got out of hand because of his choices. And Yo Han can't say for sure if Ga On will be able to forgive him.

Meanwhile, Ga On has the dubious benefit of being the wronged party. Which, in theory, means you'll be hurt and angry, but don't have to take the blame onto yourself quite as much. Or at least it would — unless you're Kim Ga On. Whose abandonment issues run so deep he's rivalling the Mariana Trench. He'd of course begin to wonder if, just maybe, it's his fault. Maybe this happened because of something he did. He must have done something to make Yo Han doubt him that much.

And, tragically, that's probably what will eventually make him reach out to Yo Han again. Because Yo Han certainly won't try to approach Ga On but, for once, it'd be more out of guilt than pride.

And he'd be wary — then horrified — when Ga On comes to him and instead of being angry, Ga On is just sad and subdued and asks what he did wrong. What did he do to lose Yo Han's trust? Should he have been kinder? Less abrasive? Less angry? What can he do to earn it back?

Had he made Yo Han feel unloved? Neglected? Unappreciated?

Or was the love Ga On had to give simply not enough?

Should he give Yo Han more? Try harder? Be less of a burden?

And Yo Han would shatter.

Because there is not a single part of Yo Han that sees Ga On as a burden. And of course Ga On's love is enough. It's literally impossible for Ga On to give more than he already is.

It would break Yo Han's heart, especially since he can tell how desperate Ga On is. That if Yo Han told him that, yes, he has to try harder, Ga On would. Ga On would do whatever it took to try and fix this problem he now thinks he's the cause of. And, what's worse, Yo Han knows he could use that to push the blame away from himself. If Yo Han wants to spare his own pride and come out the victor, all he has to do is let Ga On believe it's his fault. And it would be so easy, since Ga On is already halfway there, all on his own. Ga On wouldn't even argue.

Suddenly, Yo Han has to make a choice between his own pride — his own kneejerk reaction to never admit to a fault, never appear weak, and never surrender — and Ga On's well-being.

And the only thing Yo Han has to guide him is his own sense of morals.

Which, as we all know, are not only questionable but, a lot of the time, entirely optional.

He'll obviously pick Ga On's well-being in the end — he loves him too much not to — but Yo Han hates himself for even considering the other option. Never mind that it's based on childhood trauma and years of abuse, Yo Han hates that his first instinct is to save himself, at Ga On's expense. That realisation, more so than admitting he's done wrong, makes him feel weak.

(... many of these answers are just (unintentionally) turning into various ways to make Yo Han break for some reason?)

And, to be entirely honest with you, I can't say exactly what Yo Han's reaction and actions would be without writing it in detail and following his thoughts more closely. Mainly because there are a couple of options and which one it ends up being will depend on literally the smallest shift in his and Ga On's expressions and mannerisms.

But what I can say is that it would be a struggle for him, both to find his words and keep his emotions in check.

And he would cry.

In that way we've seen him do in the drama, where his emotions overwhelm him to the point where not even he can stop them from spilling over. So not violently or anything — he'd try to talk through it, pretending it's not happening — but he would cry. Because he'd feel so wretched over how far he's accidentally pushed Ga On. Like, forcing Ga On to the point where he'd go: "Should I be less angry? Should I give you more? Will you love me then?" is exactly what Yo Han has always criticised Soo Hyun and Professor Min for. And now he's done it himself.

But, thankfully, that also means he's going to be pretty damn motivated to fix this. Sure, some part of him might feel that, maybe, he should just let Ga On go if this is what happens when Yo Han is left to his own devices, but he's a little too selfish for that. And, deep down, he knows that Ga On wouldn't actually want Yo Han to let go.

So they would Talk.

And it would be awkward and kind of stilted for them both, but, in the long run, they both love each other too much not to. And sure, the pain and doubts wouldn't magically go away, but they'll keep working on it. And, if nothing else, the whole disaster will teach them just how important it is to communicate — even if the issue might seem small at first glance.

Like, yes, Yo Han shouldn't have jumped to conclusions and gone to the lengths that he did, but if Ga On had been a bit more open, maybe Yo Han wouldn't have. That's not to say it was Ga On's fault — Yo Han was the one to blame — but it could have been avoided if Ga On hadn't tried to keep his suffering to himself.

Communication is key, and all that.

SO YEAH.

Something like that.

There is also a middle option that would probably happen when they are, unsurprisingly, somewhere in between these two scenarios. As in, they've been together for a while so Yo Han feels a bit more secure (and his Abyss tendencies have softened a bit), but not secure enough to just brush it off. Then I think he would be tempted to have Ga On followed and that whole shebang but, after some thinking, he'd realise how much Ga On would hate that. And, eventually, he decides to just ask Ga On instead.

And Ga On will look at him and go: "I'm sorry, what? And give you a reason to start planning another unhinged, ten-year-long revenge plot?"

Which, Yo Han can admit — fair point.

And then they'd actually talk it through, too, and Yo Han can (grumpily) explain why he's feeling insecure and Ga On can (patiently) explain why he doesn't have to. And smother Yo Han with little kissies until he stops being such an idiot.

... at this point, I'm basically writing fics in these answers, aren't I? x'D

AH WELL. Thank you so much for your kind words (even if they gave me a scare) and thank you for the interesting question! Clearly, I had a lot to say on this subject.

Take care! 💜

[inastarlesssky]

In Defense of Dramione - an essay

Okay, time for another Ted talk/ soapbox/ pointless rambling...Putting it under the cut because I have opinions.

In Defense of Dramione - an essay

First of all, I want to say I ship Dramione. Which is a recent thing, specifically about half a year ago. I didn't always because well it never occurred to me that you could. Of course, that's how ships are. We ship some ships bc they're canon, okay, fine. But we ship a whole lot others that aren't because you name whatever reason (they've got chemistry, they WORK, they're better than the canonically approved pairings whatever the hell else, idk). My point is, it had never crossed my mind that I myself would actually like the idea of Draco and Hermione. Bc naturally, you look at them and you think, "He did insult her when they were children. He was an asshat, etc etc." But...BUT.

You know that trope Enemies to Lovers? Ever heard of redemption arcs? Yeah, those are things. Of course, I don't speak on behalf of everyone in the fandom because we all have our reasons for why. But I ship them because there is potential in Draco's character for growth, for repentance, for redemption. I believe that he's capable, when he's an adult of realizing that he fucked up and that the beliefs he was spoonfed as a child are not the law of the land. I've read more fics than I can count that describe this character arc for him and they do it masterfully. Honestly, I think he's a pretty complex character and I believe that we see a sliver of that in the last few movies. Like look, in 6th year, Harry hit him with Sectumsempra and nearly killed him. But when the Golden Trio were at the Manor and it was on Draco's shoulders to identify Harry and basically seal their doom, did he do it? Did he rat them out? Nope.

Maybe this wasn't exactly Draco "forgiving" Harry, admittedly. But Draco saw that Harry was their only hope for destroying Voldemort or for having some sliver of a winning chance, of a possibility of surviving the mess Voldemort was orchestrating. He obviously deemed it important enough to dare to lie, especially knowing that Bellatrix would have summoned the Dark Lord himself in the next few moments. If Draco really didn't care about the outcome of everything, he wouldn't have done that. If anything, we see that he cares at least about the safety of his family because that could have also been the motive. But that gets me thinking, couldn't he also have confirmed Harry's identity? Voldy would have arrived, perhaps praised Draco and spared the Malfoys to die another die. So really, Draco might have gotten more out of it if he HAD confirmed Harry's identity. Hmm food for thought.

Second point, I'm not going to judge anyone in the fandom because of reasons stated above, but I will go so far as to say, please, if you don't ship Dramione, that's okay. Everyone has their own cup of tea, but please, do NOT claim that all of us (that every single one of us who happen to support this ship) are and I quote "are just a bunch of horny teenagers desperate for some pretty boy and pretty girl sex". That isn't fair and it frankly isn't true, so please don't. I know many wonderful people who have crafted amazing stories and shown great talent through their writing to express the complexities I've just spoken about.

I'll end by saying that we all have our ships, and that's okay. There's no real right or wrong inasfaras who you ship with whom. But it's a basic gesture of respect, I think, to let others love the pairings that they love. Spreading hatred, ill-will or just unkindness toward those of us who enjoy a particular ship, that's not cool and that's what brings us down in what should be something we all enjoy and go to find joy and share that joy with others.

Okay, it seems I really defended Draco more than Hermione here but I will die on this hill and defend my dorks. Fight me on it (joking here but really though. XD) Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

[bluejay-in-flight]

BRING IT ON: ALL OR NOTHING (2006) IS ONE OF THE GAYEST MOVIES EVER!!!!

here's why!

okay so not gonna do a whole essay cause honestly the proof is in the screenshots I took while screaming my ass off cause honestly the chemistry between the main Brittney and her enemy turned ally/girlfriend is just GIVING!!! I recommend all lesbians out there or just fans of women being down bad for each other should check this out!!!

let's start when they first go head to head during cheer tryouts where Britney is trying to show Camille that she has what it takes to be on their squad even tho she doesn't want to be a "cheer whore" and betray her old squad so she ends up refusing to join

sorry for the thing at the bottom in the last one but like THERE'S NO REASON FOR Y'ALL TO BE THAT CLOSE!!! as you can see the chemistry between them is electrifying oh and you can also see poor Kirresha in the background being like not in front of my lollipop!!! 🤣 seriously tho Britney pls give me one straight reason that you're staring at Camilles lips like that 👀👀👀

NEXT is a couple scenes after this one where Camille recognizes that they need Britney on the squad whether she likes the other girl or not so in a completely heterosexual move she decides to lean against the other girls car to wait for her and then this moment happens...

like I'm sorry but if someone looked at me like that while leaning against my car there is no way I could stop myself from kissing them right on the mouth! but alas we must move on and although they have so many good scenes I'm taking y'all to the end of the movie where it all comes to a head!

so we've seen them "fight" we know they don't get along well now they've figured out how to finally work together and are truly now on the same team which gives us one of the best moments ever!!!!!!

THAT'S RIGHT HOW SHE JUST GONNA GRAB HER GIRL BY THE ARM WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING AND TUG BRITNEY AGAINST HER NO PROBLEM!!!! like and the fact that Britney doesn't even fight against her just let's Camille pull her wherever she wants like GUYS!!!! GUYSSSSS!!!

This is one of the most lesbian movies I've ever had the honor of watching and this came out in 2006!! if this came out now they would have a huge following and so many fanfics but alas then it wouldn't be the same movie we know and love 🥺 And although this was one of my favorite scenes in the movie we do have one honorable mention!!!

I don't know if y'all noticed in the last scene but throughout the movie Britney has constantly been wearing studs while Camille has her pretty golden hoops if you can't tell here's this scene to give you a better look!

oh and you also get them standing way too close pressed against each other while Camille looks fondly down at Britney because as if they couldn't be more obvious 🤣 we all love a tall and short lesbian duo don't we ANYWAYS up until this moment at the end of the movie Camille has been wearing her golden hoops while Britney has her silver studs EXCEPT WAIT

THAT'S WEIRD THEY'RE BOTH WEARING GOLDEN HOOPS?!?!? I wonder where Britney could've gotten that other pair of golden hoops 🤔 I wonder who could've given her them cause god knows what completely normal heterosexual reason she must've had to change her earrings to the same ones as her rival girlfriend before their last performance together 👀👀👀 I can't imagine....

But yeah if any of y'all want to squeal about lesbians for an hour and thirty eight minutes you should definitely watch this movie!!! also cause it's just a bomb ass movie in general and mostly holds up even after god fuckin eighteen 😭😭😭 years later can't believe how time flies...

[wildernezz]

silly analysis for @just-a-living-meat-thing :3

OKAY I HAVE NO IDEA IF YOU WANTED LIKE. THE DEEPER ANALYSES I DO ON MY SIDE BLOG @analyzing-people-like-hell BUT I'M GONNA DO THIS QUICK LITTLE BASE ANALYSIS AND IF YOU WANT A DEEPER ONE FEEL FREE TO JUST MESSAGE ME AND I'LL GLADLY GIVE IT A SECOND SHOT.

now lemme drop the silly list ya gave me YIPEEEEE:

ANYWAYS, here's the analysis i could gather so far with just this list of characters and thru scrollin thru ur silly lil blog. hopefully it ends up being accurate, but if not, hopefully i'll get another chance to try again lolllll:

you are indeed a very silly guy. that is apparent. you get very passionate about the silly little things you're into and i have a large feeling that either you're already diagnosed with ADHD + autism or you've been questioning it for a pretty long ass time. if somehow it's none of those two, then you should probably look into it. you're definitely some flavor of neurodivergent, that's all i know. 

i feel like you've definitely dealt with some mental shit in the past but overall you've been pretty alright decently (i only say that because each time i analyze people who remind me of you, i try to see if i can pick out any specific things weighing them down and it always ends up being stuff that they've dealt with in the past but aren't so worried about anymore). however, i do feel like you probably still have a bit of a problem with bottling shit up. you're getting better at it and it's definitely a lot better than how it probably used to be, but every now and then the mental breakdowns seem a little too close for comfort.

you're probably a very sentimental person, but most people probably don't know that about you since you've never really found anybody to exactly share that side of you with. maybe there's a few people who have gotten glimpses of it, and maybe there's even one person who has seen that full side of you, but for the most part it stays hidden. most likely you keep it that way because you understand most people aren't gonna be as sentimental as you are, but i feel like part of you is also partially keeping it stored away because it's been wasted on somebody who didn't entirely appreciate it before. that might be why you know most people wouldn't reciprocate it to begin with.

i feel like every now and then you probably get the reclusive urge to just pull away from the people you care about. i only say that because i also relate to all of the characters you've listed and i absolutely do that a lot of the time. it might just be because you're tired and can't deal with people, or because it's that cynical depressive mindset that makes it hard to believe anybody actually cares about you. if that's the case, i'm gonna slap you right now and tell you "nuh-uh" because even though i do that exact same shit and i have a hard time believing it myself, you're wrong and you're stupid now sit down and keep being you you little shit.

you are mongoose. i will not explain that. you just seem mongoose to me. which is a compliment. go be mongoose.

okay i'm gonna leave it there because i feel like that's the majority of what i can think of right now, so hopefully it's at least a little accurate and maybe ya get something out of it. my bad if my grammar is shit, my brain thinks faster than my hands type and i'm in too much of a speedrun-y mood to go back and proof read all this. anyways thank u for sitting under my microscope and letting me analyze you, it is very much appreciated. i will gladly do it again. :333333

[scribblingplace]

A Good Reason - BG3 fic

It's been nagging at her all night, and most of the day.  Yesterday Dirk had finally gotten one of the things she'd been wanting.  A clear and definitive answer as to why Astarion had slept with her in the first place.

Protection.

Shame that doesn't sit right either.

Set right after the act 2 confession. Which honestly didn't clear up much for my poor druid.

It's been nagging at her all night, and most of the day.  Yesterday Dirk had finally gotten one of the things she'd been wanting.  A clear and definitive answer As to why Astarion had slept with her in the first place.

Protection.  

She wasn't mad.  Actually it had been a load off her mind to get it because she'd been mulling over his possible motivations since he'd first thrown the offer out all the way back in the swamp.  

And cozying up to her because he needed someone on his side made a lot more sense than anything she had come up with on her own.  Obviously she wasn't attractive or likable.

She'd sort of just settled on him being horny, and bored, and probably having struck out with everyone else.  Which felt like she was missing something.  And that was starting to make her want to tear her hair out.

Protection was at least flattering.  

But, it didn't sit quite right in the garish light of day. 

Honestly, it just left her with more questions.

Or maybe just the same questions rephrased and recontextualized.  

Because it did boil down to the same thing.

“Why me?”  

“Pardon?”  Astarion looks up from the small pile of gold he's counting.   It's the first moment alone they've had all day, tucked away in a quiet corner of the moonrise docks, taking inventory of Araj Obdalra's recently liberated wares.

“You said seducing me was easy but I turned you down flat the first time you asked.”  

“Why me, why fuck me for you little scheme?  I'm not exactly-” she flounders here.  “Impressive, or you know- and it wasn't easy!''

Okay maybe she resented the implication that she was an easy mark now that she'd had a chance to let it settle in.  Significantly more than actually being manipulated.  If she was being manipulated.  Because she still doesn’t think he did a very good job of that.  

Astarion opens his mouth, closes it again, shifts uncomfortably.  

“Well, alright, I may have been exaggerating that, but it wasn't exactly hard either.”  

Honestly he'd barely put any effort in when he'd asked at the party, he'd been considering giving up on the whole business and setting his sights on another member of their merry little band.  He'd been surprised when she'd jumped on the offer with only a little bit of dithering.  

“I guess.”  She says, sounding vaguely annoyed, because he's not wrong.  “But I didn't think you actually liked me, just so you know.  You're not that slick.  I just thought you were bored, or stressed or…something in that general area.” 

That hurts, because he is unfortunately in the position of liking Dirk.  Which genuinely is a bit embarrassing when he dwells on it too long.  

“And you didn’t answer.”  Dirk says, demands, nudging him slightly.  Which pulls him out of thinking about the mess of things he feels about her.  

There's a very strong instinct to sugar coat it, to flatter her, and heap on all sorts of praise that Dirk absolutely wouldn't believe for an instant.  

“Honestly, process of elimination,” he admits after a moment.   

She’s still staring at him, all tensed and chewing on her lower lip in thought.  Apparently that’s not enough of an answer.

“Do you really want to know this?”

“Yes.  Please tell me why I'm a better person to cozy up to for a bodyguard than Karlach.”  

“I can't touch Karlach.”  

“Lae'zel then?”  

Astarion just stares at her a moment.  

“Lae'zel?” He starts, sounding almost offended.  

“Really?  Lae'zel, who’s still doggedly opposed to making use of our little friends, and was ready to drag everyone to her Creche to get them all yanked out of our heads?  I need my tadpole. Honestly that one should be obvious.”  

He rolls his eyes, Dirk is usually quick enough on the uptake that he didn't think he'd have to spell that out.  

Dirk for her part looks a bit sheepish, because once again, he’s not wrong.

“And before you ask, Shadowheart Is in a cult, Gale was still mooning over Mystra, marvelous as I may be, I'm not going to try and compete with a Goddess, and Wyll-”  

There's a pause there, Dirk makes a face at the mention of The Blade of Frontiers.  Memories of two nights ago still fresh in her mind.    

“You know how he is as well as I do, I don't think I could stomach all that aching sincerity.”  

They share a shudder.

“It would be a bit of a long con.  He'd probably propose.”  She agrees.  

“Exactly,” Astarion says, relieved Dirk is seeming to follow his logic. Doesn't seem offended.

“Which left you.” 

“Best play in a bad hand, got it.”  Dirk nods.  Seeming genuinely satisfied With the breakdown.  

“Oh don't put it like that.” 

That makes him sound awful, which he is, but she doesn’t need to make it so apparent.

Even if Dirk doesn't have the good sense to be mad at him over this.

“You’re-” Again the impulse to heap on praise that will get him nowhere.  Which honestly is part of whatever he finds so appealing about Dirk, the fact that she doesn't need him to be charming, or nice, or to be anything really.  Daunting in its own right, but at least it’s a change of pace.

“You're more impressive than you give yourself credit for.” 

More likable too.  He keeps that to himself for a moment.

“Or have you missed the trail of bodies left in your wake?” 

“Well-” Okay, she is sort of a powerhouse these days but still.  “That's not special, you're also great at killing things.”  

He sighs fondly.  She's correct, he is great at killing things.  She's also absolutely impossible.  “”I am, thank you for noticing.”  

A beat.

“You see how easy it is to take a compliment?”  

“I acknowledged it didn't I?” 

“Barely.”  

Dirk groans, rolls her eyes, and goes back to counting alchemical supplies.  Wondering if the drow will have anything new tomorrow.  They didn't get a potion of increased strength, which was the point of talking her in circles while Astarion handled the easy part, but they got two hyena ears, which might be more useful in the long run.

She hears Astarion shift beside her.  

“I do mean that, about you being impressive to be clear.” He says, “I doubt anyone else could have handled Ethel with quite your ferocity.  It was, enchanting really.”  

He chances a quick glance over to Dirk to see if she's going to interject with some more self depreciation.  

None seems to be forthcoming so he continues.  

“I knew right then that you were someone-” he could use for his own ends- “valuable.”

He suspects she can read between the lines for what that means.

“Someone worth the effort of winning over.”  

For one rare moment she’s stopped fidgeting with the worn cuffs of her coat,  staring at him as he talks, flushing slightly.  

“Oh.” She says, there's a long pause.

“Thanks.  That's-” should She say it's nice, flattering, sweet? 

“New.”  She settles on.

[the-sky-is-my-home]

alright because it looks like they're losing by like 1 vote rn, here's some AtsuAranKita propaganda for @hqrarepairtournament

I truly believe they're the ultimate polyship. like every combination is great on its own but also adding the third only makes it better and also each individual member gets exactly what they need.

AtsuAran - childhood friends to lovers. literally what's not to like? from the "oh he just sees me as a friend" to the safety and comfort they get when they're together, knowing the other has already seen them at their worst moments and still loves them, so there's nothing to worry about. plus they're a comedy duo who miss each other so much when they're on separate teams :( they just belong together!!

AtsuKita - textbook definition of opposites attracting! both of them think the world of each other and they balance each other out perfectly. prime material for both of them to think "oh he's not into me because I'm nothing like the things he values" when in reality they see the other's strengths as extra amazing because those are their own weak points.

AranKita - perfect highschool sweethearts. they just vibe with each other. kings of quietly appreciating each other and shyly linking hands as they walk home together. this is the romance kita's grandma dreams of for him. they're so stable and supportive and good at respecting each other's boundaries you wouldn't believe they haven't been married for years.

But! Also!

Kita is here to kickstart things for AtsuAran. He makes Aran realize he's not actually okay with third wheeling all the time (whether that's for the twins as kids or for the blossoming AtsuKita romance), and Atsumu that taking Aran for granted is like the dumbest thing he could possibly do (and he's done many dumb things). Kita can point out the bad habits they've accumulated over the years and just gotten used to, to make them change themselves and their relationship for the better.

Aran can mediate between Kita and Atsumu. He understands each of them better than they understand each other, especially at first. He can bridge the gap between them when both of them think it's too big, and save them a lot of heartbreak, especially since they both trust him so much and confide their feelings to him.

Atsumu is like, AranKita's own personal hypeman. like both of them suffer from what I call "side character syndrome" where they think of themselves as secondary and not that special even when it's completely untrue (see Kita going "I'm just some guy, a human invited to a banquet of monsters" like every single of those 'monsters' isn't afraid of him and thinks he's literally flawless. and Aran is one of the best players, literally bokuto level but he's like "yeah this is the miya twin team. let me narrate their flashback, I'm just kinda also here"). but Atsumu would have none of this. he'll casually assume Aran will be there when he makes it to the olympics. he'll be so happy and proud and in awe every single time he gets to eats rice Kita grew. also he's the one to get things moving. after the 20th time walking home hand in hand he'll be like "okay I waited long enough give me a KISS I'm going insane here" while AranKita on their own would've waited like another 100 times until either of them would've brought up the possibility of a kiss even tho they totally want it.

And!!!

Aran gets to have a bf for any situation he could need one. Atsumu for endless, in-depth volleyball discussions at times of night where they should be sleeping, and for fun nonsense that makes him feel like a kid again. Kita for some peace and quiet and a rational, realistic perspective on whatever problems he faces. And of course, one bf to complete his jokes and one to laugh at them. This is what he needs.

Atsumu is a needy bf for sure, but with two partners who are more mature and patient than him, he never has to feel like he's too much, and they can reign in his worst impulses. (also both of them help with his most important platonic relationship because Kita can help him understand osamu's decision to quit and the value of making food, while Aran being in the pro leagues means Atsumu isn't alone there, he still has one of the people he started volleyball with right there, making it easier to accept). and with Aran around, he can always be boke instead of tsukkomi, which he likes way better, and with Kita around, he'll never have to worry about nobody laughing at their jokes (yes this is very important).

Kita loves and needs his routines, which both of his bfs are used to and know not to disturb. But they also bring some change and new, unexpected things with them whenever they return to him to keep him from being stagnant. Kita gets to look outside the bubble of his humble life when he watches them on TV and then proudly brag about them to anyone who will listen. and you guessed it, most importantly, they make him laugh. with how happy he always looks when they're around or he's talking about them, nobody thinks he's a robot or scary anymore.

hopefully you all see my vision now. please. vote for them.

[lmelodie]

TSCS Season 2 Episode 5

This episode...threw A LOT at me hard and fast, and me specifically. If you are also a fellow Council stan, you probably won't like this episode.

First, not too impressed that Cal is taking after his father and needlessly lying to Sandra to go fight Mad Santa. I love Cal, he brain really is empty, but come on dude. At least try rubbing your two braincells together.

I also keep forgetting that the way the lore is set up, Scott is the first and only human Santa. So, when it's said that Magus was Santa for centuries, I had to do a double take lol. Keeps throwing me for a loop!

Can't believe they got rid of Bernard YET AGAIN. IN A FUCKING FLASHBACK. It's almost funny how they've just given up on giving good excuses as to why Bernard can't be there. They just give him a mention and be like, "Yeah he's not here right now/anymore, ANYWAY."

And I wanna know why Bernard is at the very top of the maim list? What did he do that's worse than leading an actual coop? Good for him though, slay.

SO UGH!! My main beef with this episode is the fucking council! Because its utter BULLSHIT and completely out of character that they wouldn't help! I'm actually with Scott on this one surprisingly, you're telling me they can send Cupid to spy on him in his own home but not help the elves to rebel against a very clearly evil Santa???

They don't even give a good reason for it either! It's just a non-answer of "Legends can't interfere" which they most DEFINITLY CAN! Its bullshit! And I refuse to believe that the council would do this.

Like, you're telling me that this is the same council that seemed so sincerely supportive of Scott and his issues for the last two movies? The same council that came down to the pole to personally help pick up the slack in the third movie??? No, simply put I refuse to acknowledge that bullshit their trying to feed us, the council is nice and cares about the other members okay!

Also, I don't know how to feel about Befana being an ex-council member. I kinda liked her better as a cool forest dwelling Christmas witch that does her own thing and doesn't listen to a higher authority.

And maybe this could've worked better if there were any hints AT ALL to this being a thing, but it was never once implied up until this point that there has been any other council member's period. But of course, there wasn't! So, this development falls a little flat for me, not very impactful and a little jarring if anything.

He's a lemon...they turned him into a lemon. I can feel the years being taken off my lifespan...

And stealing the legendries powerful artifacts? NOT NECCESARY IN THE SLIGHTEST. Especially stealing cupid's arrows when normal arrows would've worked just fine! Are these arrows benign?? Are these gnomes gonna start falling in love when they wake up? Does the council currently know about all the stolen shit and have forgiven the elves and Befana? Do they STILL not know that this happened??

Also, really didn't need to use the arrows and sleep dust if you had Mother Nature's WIND AND LIGHTNING. LIGHTNING!! You couldn't win a battle with the actual (ill gotten) forces of nature???

This might be what I need to start drafting that hate fic. The spite fueled one shot. Because god damn there is so much petty CRIME happening here committed BY THE GOOD GUYS.

I don't even know how they're gonna possibly wrap all of this up, I am so tired.

[velvetshirtnumber3]

Thoughts About Last Twilight Finale as I watched it

One part of me is happy to seeing them flirting and getting along, but the other rage-filled part of me that has not healed from episode 11 is honestly kind of upset about them being able to do that again like the breakup wasn't as painful as it was. Like obviously its been several years and i'm glad they aren't holding onto any of the pain from it because that wouldn't be healthy but just.....it hurts a little seeing the characters be okay when i'm still not. (And like it was a painful breakup and we're seeing no trace of that with their interactions).

I appreciate Night and Porjai little attempts to get them to talk and Mhok being a bridesmaid makes me happy.

Ok so they've talked about the breakup and Mhok's thanking Day for it? And saying he was right? So we just aren't going to discuss that fact that Mhok's actions were a combo of things besides pity? Like his trauma with his sister? I want it to be addressed gosh darn it, they haven't talked about it enough in this show. They spent this whole show talking about how Mhok didn't pity him and now you're saying that in an instance where Mhok's actions could be explained by a couple different reasons, you went with "actually he does pity him" as the reason? I just feel like there were better ways this could have been addressed but they had limited time.

"I can't believe its been three years" 

*me, upset, staring at my screen* "Me too"

(You went three years without talking?!?! After breaking up over one argument!?!?)

"Whatever problems you have, talk to each other" where was this advice during episode 11, it could have saved a lot of time and heartbreak

You know what, I'm tired of being upset, bring out Poomjai, i want to see her and have Mhok see her

ok she's out of focus but she looks very sweet

the problem here is that I can't tell if Day is just hesitant to try again with Mhok or actually doesn't want to, so every time Mhok references it I feel awkward. I know its supposed to be a romance show so they'll probably end up together but.....

ok Day made a joke about it so I guess he's not too uncomfortable but still...

Poor mhok.....I honestly hope that if they do decide to get back together, its because Day went after him and told him that he really did want to get back with him because I feel like too much of the show has been Mhok taking the steps forward with their relationship

looks like i get my wish....ah the classic airport scene

I highly doubt he actually left on the plane but you know what, maybe its good to let them sit with this emotion for a little while (I'm sorry, I'm still so mad)

So it was a setup...but how????? like???? what???? If you knew Mhok would be in there, when did he let you know, because there was no point in running around the airport if you knew he would stay....

Honestly I feel like the breakup was pointless now... like yeah they had the conversation about growth and whatever but it feels like Mhok acts the exact same so I don't feel necessarily if he can differentiate between he role as a caretaker and as a boyfriend, which was a legitimate problem. And I also kind of hate that he is apologizing. It just feels like Mhok is once again focusing on others feelings and not his own, and so they will run into the same issue as they did before.

As you can probably tell from all this, I now feel very protective of Mhok and it makes me upset that he hasn't gotten the chance to work through some of his issues. I know he is more the type to pretend everything is okay, but there has to be a limit. Like at the least acknowledgement of his pain

They're having a baby!?!?

We get a happy ending

Final thoughts: 

It was a good show and I enjoyed it for most of it. I understand why they did the breakup (though I don't think it was entirely necessary), and yes it may have been good for them as a couple, however I wish it had either happened earlier or they made the show longer because it felt very quick leading up to it, and I felt like the last episode just didn't have time for them to discuss it in a more meaningful way and actually show why it was beneficial for both of them. I also think it would have given more time for the audience to process everything (it resulted in me thinking too much about the breakup to be able to be happy at some of the good things about episode 12). We got one conversation about why breaking up allowed them to grow, and I just wish we had a bit more than that. I also would have liked it if it had discussed Mhok's troubles and emotions a bit more. It led to the relationship feeling a little bit unbalanced some of the time. Overall (!) I enjoyed it (with the exception of certain storylines that I have already discussed). I don't think I can ever classify as a comfort show again (as I did before episode 11). It was definitely not perfect, but it wasn't an awful show, and so I am going to try and remember the good parts of it.

[mieczyhale]

note: i spent quite a bit of time rambling, and it truly is rambling, so i have not gone back and re-read any of this.

-

you can hate someone all you want and say whatever you want about them, but to attack their appearance and a speech impediment is gross. idc who the fucker is. his appearance has nothing to do with his behavior and making fun of the way someone talks?? really?? not only does that also have nothing to do with his behavior, but a lot of people have speech impediments and he's not gonna see your ~jokes~ but they will

go after him for shit that's relevant. go after his actions

anyway

dude needs a psych eval, therapy, and anger management at the very least imo. he's never really hidden that he isn't mentally thriving, but there is a lot more going on up there than depression.

-

as someone who can react aggressively, even violently, when frustrated enough or angry enough - and has said some awful shit in the moment that felt out of my control (there is no brain to mouth contact in that moment) - i know there is shit that can be done to help that. medications, therapy, learning redirection, knowing when to exit a situation before you hit that point, and other shit.

i've been struggling with this again lately as my mental health is shit, but it's still better than it used to be years ago, and i'm aware of it and what a problem it is. bc real talk: i did not think it was an issue. it was like "yeah i'm yelling and screaming and throwing things and breaking shit (not all at once, thank god) but so what?? that's just how i am". you can truly be so unaware of yourself and your own shit it's ridiculous

not saying he's got the same shit in his head but from personal experience i wouldn't rule it out entirely. there are a lot of mental illnesses out there and things that can get messed up in you. nothing excuses his behavior, but there could be an explanation.

once again: explaining =/= excusing

and if there is something genuinely fucked up (well..) then he can get help. people don't like to think about or consider it for some reason, but even people who do abhorrent things can get better and change (if they want to) not that that would make up for anything but it would keep a repeat from happening with someone else. and idk i believe there is good in almost everyone. he fucked up a helluva lot but i don't think he's this unsalvagable evil demon. he's a human being

okay yeah editing one thing in and that is that there could be something mentally at play, or medically, or he could just be an asshole that needs to learn and do better (i'm not ruling it out entirely) or it could be a combination deal. idk. i'm just not a big fan of calling someone a piece of shit with the tone that that IS who they are. the end. that they've always been a piece of shit and they always will be and there is no hope for them.

and maybe that's one of the reasons i'm being so unwell about this. because, top 10 anime betrayals aside, i've seen bits of myself in his videos prior to all of this blowing up - the good and the bad. i've seen a bit of the worst part of me in the clips of his aggression and threats. but despite what i feel and say when i've gotten like that in the past i never meant it outside of that moment. you calm down and you genuinely hate yourself because what the fuck was that shit and you feel embarrassed (and for me getting embarrassed usually manifests as anger) and it's just shit

i dont tend to develop parasocial attachments but in the span of like.. a month maybe here we fucking are i guess. it's not great, i'm not thrilled by it - especially now - but it really got me out of nowhere and bc i have attachment issues (there are many reasons i'm in therapy thanks) that's.. probably also part of the unwellness i've been feeling (i keep calling it "unwell" bc truly i do not have the words to describe it beyond that)

there are people who say they "got a vibe" or "never liked him" or whatever but could not be less me. he quickly became a comfort channel and there was nothing that tipped me off that anything was wrong. his channels spark(ed) joy (serious videos aside, but even then there was comfort in seeing someone get so passionate about things that mattered)

i enjoy him and his content, both solo and joint, and - saying this bc i've seen more than one comment on it - i like listening to him speak and i like watching him speak. his lisp is cute and he has a nice voice. his humor is great, the fashion and vibes were immaculate before whatever the fuck happened that ended up in him removing color from everything he owns. and growing that mustache situation

he's someone who is seriously not well, he did and said godawful trash shit, and he should face consequences. none of this post is me saying he should be forgiven with zero punishment. people shouldn't push it aside just because they're fans

this was not a victimless situation, nor was it a first time, from what some people have said

you can be a fan and admit when the person you're a fan of fucked up / did something awful. being a fan does not mean excusing their every word and action. a*ex is a person. a human being. not a demon but also not a god. and he should be treated as such. stop putting strangers on pedestals. i might be incredibly unwell about things but at least i never thought he was perfect or whatever. anyone can let you down at any time, be it content creators or actors or whatever, so please be careful and be at least a little sane about them)

i'm sure i have more to say about this but my brain really said "we've done enough with serious words for now" and i can't remember where i was going with this - if anywhere. maybe this was just supposed to be a rambling vent - which, if so, mission accomplished. i know it was triggered by people attacking a*ex for the wrong things, bc going after shit like a speech impediment is so low and so not relevant to the situation, and then i just got my feelings and thoughts everywhere. eugh.

i've watched a couple videos on the evidence (sound off w/ captions bc reading vile things is easier than hearing them) (i do the same thing with my voicemails tbh. i never listen to them, i read them. not bc they're vile but bc i just get less anxious if i don't have to hear it. idk) and while each covered the biggest things (so far anyway) i certainly am not going to claim to know it all. but there have been video clips, audio clips, screenshots across them all - each video having some of the same pieces but also pieces the others don't show or touch on. so.. i've seen.. enough.

i really need to disengage from all of this, and i sure would like to, i'd love to not be aware of this level of "drama" regarding someone i'm a fan of as it's breaking, but i can't go back in time and stop myself from clicking on his channel and i can't undo liking his videos so here i fucking am

-

"he's cancelled!" bitch shut the fuck up. canceling isn't a real thing. look at anyone with a fanbase who has done bad shit. they still have a fanbase, they still do whatever.

"his career is over!" maybe, maybe not, i for one can't see the future but i wouldn't place bets that it is. because again: look at what people have been accused of, and have done, and even if they suffered real consequences for their actions they came back from it.

maybe focus on what genuine consequences there could be

OR - better yet - focus on showing support for the victim. yeah actually maybe lets do that. maybe care about a victim more than you hate their abuser. just tossing that thought out there as an option

-

i keep thinking i've reached the end of what i have to say and then some part of me, the apparently country part that stormed out the saloon doors, comes slamming back through a moment later - cowboy hat waving wildly - with a yell of "AND ANOTHER THING-"

-

on top of everything else - and i know this is going to sound so shitty and so immature - i do not like being told what to do. to like.. a really aggressive degree. it's one of the traits i got from my mom. if you tell me to stop watching something or stop listening to something, to do or not do something, you have almost guaranteed that i am going to do the exact opposite.

and tbh... if we cut off content from anyone who ever did bad things there would be like.. no content left. which might sound fine to you, you weird purity culture angel fucks, but i personally like to find relaxation and joy where i can get it. i personally like to enjoy life when i can. mostly because it isn't an easy thing for me to do, so if some band's music is a vibe or some guy posts random videos that make me smile or laugh then brother i am in. not necessarily on a personal level but then maybe yeah on a personal level. i don't know. i'm just saying words at this point. not that i don't mean them, but they're a bit of a mess.

i've been awake for over four hours

it is 7:52 AM

i don't know why i'm still trying to get my thoughts and feelings out.

maybe because i want those things to get across as clearly as they can. i don't want there to be a misunderstanding if it can be avoided. i want it to be understood (as much as it can be) why i think the way i do about all this and what i don't think about it all (like no, i don't think a*ex is innocent. do i think we have the full story?? i don't know. probably not. even with evidence we've only heard half directly, but he certainly did more than enough wrong and there should be consequences. real ones.)

all this and i still don't feel like i've gotten out everything i wanted to properly, which is whatever. i can make another rambling vent post later if i have to. i just hoped unloading all of this would make me feel a bit better, maybe a little less anxiety-induced nauseous, idk. it kind of worked i guess

-

wildly oversimplified and comically surface-level tldr: i'm not an empath but i can be intensely empathetic, as well as intensely sympathetic, to my own detriment and my brother in christ has all of this really driven that home

wildly oversimplified and comically surface-level tldr 2.0: person who is multiple mental illnesses in a trenchcoat and feels Too Much affected by situation Too Much at least partially due to mental illnesses

[thenightshiftcomic]

if you were to pair up lmk characters and the Nightshift who would you pair with who?

Disclaimer that these are character perceptions and not like, the reality of their situations. Also I need to re-watch LMK because my memory is a little rusty lol.

Ash & MK, two guys that are supposed to protect their families and keep making shit worse <3

Talia & Red Son, they have the same chaos vibes to me. Plus I think Red Son would love to help Talia screw around with making knives for some reason. Just, vibes?? Either way, they're gonna go burn down a village <3 /hj

Leo & Sandy, tanks with a heart of gold. Come on, you had to see that coming. But, I think it'd be good because I think Sandy would help try to walk Leo through his guilt a bit

Keef & Wukong. You know how much guilt these two have over little mistakes? Avoiding mentioning things until the last second because how do they mention it?? It's just going to be so many negative emotions and then by the time they're forced to confront it, it's too late. Delicious.

Ink & Mei, just because chaos gremlins that adopt their enemies. They will prank everyone. Talia & Red Son specifically.

Kody & Wukong, but for different reasons. Whenever someone gets close they both run like hell and distance themselves again (even if it's too late, and people have gotten attached/they've gotten attached to people already).

On some less "similarity" notes and things I think would just be interesting:

Ash & Pigsy: The adopters. Ash takes the full responsibility for everything his group does and for protecting them in any way possible, Pigsy protects his kids but I could also see him recognizing that he can't protect them from everything. A nice cooking session with a talk over the differences in how they approach their teams running into danger would be interesting, I think.

Talia & Red Son: Okay okay okay, it's the same duo but for less gremlin-y reasons this time. They both had shitty parents, and I see Talia simply not understanding how Red Son is still willing to connect with them. I think she'd be incredibly confused and it could be an interesting discussion in Red Son's approach with his parents vs hers. (That is to say, Red Son's parents making a genuine effort to get better and growing a bond, where Talia's were only interested in getting worse and forced Talia away in such a way they can never recover from.)

Keef & Lady Bone Demon: I'm not sure if you'd count villains under this ask, but okay. So, Keef grew up in an environment where perfection was expected, and she always fell just short. She prefers the chaos of the world and the freedom of creativity, but also understands the appeal of constantly looking put-together and perfect, especially to other people. She still puts pressure on herself to do that, after all, even if she won't admit it. Furthering that, she's one of the few in the Nightshift who doesn't see her life as better after the inciting incident that led to her eventually joining. Maybe the same, but not better. She fully understands the appeal of a perfect world where she wouldn't have had the opportunity to make such a mistake that led her down this road, and feels the pressure to conform to something closer to LBD's version of the world, and I think that would make for a very interesting conversation.

Leo & Wukong: Two very different approaches to the same issue. Leo is worried he can't protect the people he loves, and believes (if unconsciously, to some degree) that he's at fault for his siblings' deaths. He's determined to not let the same fate befall his new family, and so becomes incredibly protective and even overbearing. On the flip side of this, Wukong took to distancing himself so he wouldn't hurt people any more than he has (and before they can leave him first). I think the drastic differences in approaches would be really interesting to pick out, especially since I think Wukong would see a degree of himself in Leo - the determination to protect the people he loves no matter what, but before Wukong lost vision of his previous goal for more power. Maybe he'd try to serve as a kind of warning tale to Leo, before Leo has the chance to make the same mistakes.

Ink & MK: Ink and MK would be really interesting to me to flip sides of a kinda screwed up coin. Someone who trusts and connects with everyone blindly (MK) and someone who picks and chooses who to trust carefully, because everyone's out to get you if push comes to shove hard to enough (Ink). They both love their family deeply, but Ink is more subtle about it so it won't be used/taken advantage of while MK is proudly loving of everyone he cares about. MK is crushed with guilt in how he thinks he hurts the people around him and, to some degree, fails to help people, while Ink genuinely has done irreparable damage to others and failed to save lives it was put in charge of, and learned to live with that reality. I think it'd be interesting because I think Ink would see MK, how MK keeps getting tricked and taken advantage of, how MK thinks he hurts the people he loves and fails to save those he tries to help, and the only way Ink would know how to help is through its own worldview: trust nobody, make connections but stay on your toes, yes you've hurt people and yes you've failed but the reality of life is you can't avoid that to some degree and here's some ways I learned to live with myself. Maybe they'll help you too. I think it would be interesting because Ink also doesn't see another side to this: that MK has never tried to actively hurt someone, that everything he blames himself for isn't necessarily his fault, and that MK's ability to see the good in people has genuinely helped them - not just in the sense of having connections, but believing in others (Macaque) in a way that Ink's more pessimistic worldview does not allow.

Kody & Macaque: I think this would be fun for their similarities leading to severe whiplash between them. Kody's been betrayed, used, tricked and manipulated more times than he can count, and they both follow a very similar "Look out for number one. Because if you don't, no one will." mentality, and while Macaque's "Wukong only values people by how useful they are to him" mentality might be more individual-specific, it's still something Kody can easily apply to everyone that's taken him in then discarded him once his use was up. They handle their respective betrayals extremely differently, with Kody content to just avoid the hell out of anyone that hurt them and Macaque hunting down Wukong and even using his student for revenge (which, would definitely piss Kody off, by the way), but at their roots they can see a lot of themselves in each other, down to Kody's more tricky nature even if he doesn't see it. I definitely don't think a conversation with them would go well, per say, because Kody would not hesitate to question why the hell Macaque went back to fighting for/with Wukong when he could easily be using him again (Kody pushes the world away so they don't get hurt again, and Macaque is willing to run right back to Wukong's side when he's called?), and would get extremely pissed off that Macaque took advantage of MK that way (in a very similar way they were in the past), but I think the similarities in root that bleed out into extremely different responses would be kind of interesting. I rewrote this last one like three times though, I'm not sure, it's harder to draw a connection with Kody than it is the others.

Honorable mention goes to:

Keef & Mei - Pressure to conform to what they should be while ignoring who they are.

Sorry for the ramble, I wasn't intending it to get this long lol! Anyway, there's your gremlin stuff and then you're deep-rooted trauma angsty stuff XD

[titanicfreija]

Something Else

Even before they got close, they could smell the death. The bodies strewn nearest the entrance clutched weapons and a few featured steaming green wounds. Not fresh but not old either.

"Our work?" asked Freija. "Looks like we've been here."

"I can't tell if it's us or Hive. It's really hard to tell," said Thomas. "It doesn't help that we take our enemies' weapons so often. There's definitely Hive magic here, but it could be relics or Thorn or Striga..." He shrugged.

"If it was the Hive, they'd still be here," Rex said.

"Then they've either gone or they've hidden their energy signatures," Sunny replied.

"Glimmer says the latter," Thomas agreed, checking his Perpetualis and adjusting his gloves.

Freija and Thomas ventured into the derelict Golden Age building, Ghosts over shoulders providing light. The lobby was empty except for puddles and dust and Eliksni corpses.

"I'm gonna guess you're more okay with genocide when it's Hive?" Thomas asked.

"In a cultural sense," Freija admitted. "Dunno about the species, but genocidal cultures get to die by the sword. Or gun. Whatever. It was your line, you know what I mean."

"It's another old one. Live by the sword, die by the sword," Thomas said. "I was being cynical at the time."

"I know. But Xivu is literally genocidal. There is no treaty to be had here. If-- when we get them down to the last thrall, it'll be trying to kill us just as hard as Xivu Arath herself, because all it wants is to kill. If this is where hunting to feed takes the Hive, they need a predator to keep them in check or they need to be wiped out."

"At least two entities in the universe believe that about us," Rex said snidely.

"I don't think they're wrong about us needing to kill, but we can kill each other just fine. If left to our own devices.... That's pretty much exactly what the Warlords did."

Rex didn't answer, but Thomas chuckled quietly. "He likes you."

"This looks a lot like hating you," Sunny said. "It means he'll actually hunt you down to be antagonistic."

"Oh. Then he's liked me for a while. Since the Imbaru Engine." Freija looked back at Thomas. "He all but stalked me any time I came back to the Tower, giving me shit about my names for the Hive symbols."

"Aww," teased Thomas. 

~

"If the Hive have been in here, they decided it wasn't worth nesting in," Freija said. "Looks like Guardian work."

"Corpse count is high. We're normally pretty bad about disintegrating everything."

"I don't see dead --ohhh."

The facility opened into a huge room of desks with screens, littered with Hive and Eliksni corpses. Mostly acolytes and dregs, with a couple of knights and Captains. A single wizard lay amongst them.

"If anyone survived, they fled," Thomas said. "Not that I blame them."

Sunny and Rex scanned the ruined computers while Thomas and Freija searched the room. Just corpses. Couple of ether tanks.

"There's another server room down the hall," Rex said. He and Thomas strode ahead while Freija watched his back.

Freija shot by reflex, immediately regretting it when she finally saw the dreg, but they didn't fall. They ran back into cover, glowing shield from its servitor saving it from the Guardian.

"Hey-- velaask?" Freija called.

Thomas watched the crack in the wall where they vanished into.

"I hate to kill a last survivor. Always feels dirty," Freija complained. "Why the fuck do they keep trying to fight?"

"Wouldn't you?"

"I'm immortal, that's different."

"If it was Hive?"

Freija's mouth twisted. "I wanna say I would be smarter than that but I'd be lying," she admitted. "So good point. Either way." She directed her external comm into the ruined wall. "Look, guy, we're here for data retrieval and nothing else. Not fighting. Get out. Illa tokal aaska."

Thomas turned back to his task, trusting her to handle this. "Your enunciation has gotten a lot better. You getting practice?"

"A little."

She deliberately moved past the gap so the alien could see her do it, went to a t-junction of the corridor, and pretended to ignore them. She watched her radar as they snuck through the wall and up the hall, away from them and toward the exit. She stuck her head into the room to check for others, finding nothing threatening.

Thomas banged around in the closed room and Freija did her best to keep still as he swore at the terminal and a chair he kicked, and the soft crackle of electricity immediately followed by a hiss of pain.

Sunny ventured in and Rex hovered out, refusing to look at any of them. Freija could hear the low hum of electric device working for the first time in centuries.

After a few minutes of silence, she called in. "Anything?"

"My name," Thomas said. "And an employment history. Apparently I did tech work. My name was-- You're kidding."

"What?"

"Ambros Zaunbrecher."

"What, like ambrosia? Or amber?"

"It translates to immortal. Roughly. Zaunbrecher means 'fence-breaker'."

Freija didn't make a sound, to the extent that Thomas wondered if she muted or changed channels.

"When we figure out time travel, I'm going to ask my original parents why," he promised himself. "I was cursed from the first life," he added under his breath. "Let me find out my middle name was wizard or something.... No. Schreiber. I think that might be worse. Cursed, cursed, cursed. And I'm a second! There's no way the other guy with this name is still dead! Suddenly I understand your feelings, Freija, calling him my father felt weird."

"Right? Even after Crow pointed out that dead family is still family. Got anything else?"

"Not much. I was with a Braytech subsidiary, doing network maintenance, according to this. Nearly ten years. Clean disciplinary file except one time listed as "insubordination" with no details, that sounds fun. Termination date 30-6-2471. Less than a year after that write-up."

"Sounds like you found the good dirt," Freija chuckled.

"With the name, I can find lots of other things, but not here. I won't have data in the Tower like you did, but first name and last name is fantastic. Secondary education was Heinmann Polytech, they're gonna have more details. Can maybe look up some news stories if I can find a good catalogue...."

"I could make a hobby of this," sighed Sunny happily.

"Did we want to make sure the Hive are cleared out?" Freija asked.

"What happened to sparing the last survivor?" Thomas teased.

"Shut up, I know it's a double standard, but Eliksni run and Hive don't," she grumbled. "I'll be right back."

~~

When Freija came back out, covered in ashes and carrying a lump of cloth, she found Thomas holding a glaive at the servitor's eye while it and the dreg dangled helplessly, tangled in green threads.

"I spared them for your sake," he told Freija. "But it shot first."

"I found why," Freija said, shifting the bundle. Thomas sucked a breath when he saw that the hatchling was dead.

The Eliksni struggled in its bonds with a harsh squawk and loud chittering. The servitor groaned as it tried to get an eye on them, fighting hard and losing.

"Tell me you didn't," he breathed. "And you brought it back up here?"

Freija shook her head solemnly and wrapped the bundle, securing the cloth. "I didn't. They wouldn't have gone if it was alive when we got here. They were guarding the body. They were trying to keep us away from it. Let them down." Thomas backed off and let the hold fall away. Instantly, the servitor shielded the Eliksni, which charged at Freija with two knives. She knocked one knife away and curled a shoulder as if protecting the hatchling. The Eliksni stopped short, stumbling back, second knife falling wayside.

Freija waited to make sure the attack stopped, and she held the bundle out. The Eliksni crept up cautiously and took it at the length of their reach. They brought the bundle to their chest, clutching it with their lower stumps and one upper arm. The other slowly moved across their torso to stop near the other shoulder, and they offered the subtlest of nods. Freija nodded in return and said, "Illa tokal aaska," again. "Sunny, can you give the servitor coordinates?"

"I... think so?"

"Can you send them to a waypoint and contact Three?"

Thomas almost cried out in surprise. "Three? You call up Three? Ever? Don't you guys hate each other?"

"Mutual distaste, but we agree on some stuff, including that the Eliksni need help, not war." Freija stepped away from the Eliksni, holding her hands clear of her weapons. Both Eliksni and servitor stepped backward, refusing to look away from the Guardians until they backed around the building's lobby door, out of sight.

Thomas watched Freija for several long moments, then sighed and shook his head. "I'll hear about this in the city later," he declared incredulously. "I'll go to the Eliksni quarter and I'm going to hear about this Guardian that found the sole survivor of a Hive attack and sent her a ride to the Tower with her dead hatchling for proper funeral rites. And you make this look easy, like it's easy to just peacemake, like she didn't try to kill both of us twice. You know fifteen words in their entire language and at least two of them are swears, and you--" he shook his head and turned away with a heavy breath. "You are something else."

"The Eliksni don't want to fight," Freija said with a shrug. "Most, anyway. Some of them are angry at us for stealing the Traveler, still, and some of them are angry because of what we've done to them and theirs, but fuckloads, even the raiders and warriors, would rather just fucking not. I can't do it in big groups or anything, laying down arms in front of an army is a great way to die, but one on one, one on a few, they  know I'm the biggest threat in the area, and if I stop, they don't wanna start."

Thomas nodded slowly and fixed his Perpetualis under his arm. "Something else," he repeated.

~~~

Request

Communication

The Database

Something Else

Campfire Stories

Jealousy 

Bickering 

Revealed

[archivalofsins]

Hey now that some folks are out of bounds- "LET'S PARTY"!

Gunsli what do you mean? Remember when I said I haven't talked about what verdict I've personally wanted for Kotoko. That's because I couldn't care less, I like both options when it comes to the narrative of Milgram.

I am in no way condoning Kotoko's behavior I'm solely saying this from a narrative perspective.

Let me explain through exploring how I view the options~

So why would some want Kotoko Guilty?

Well the reason for that is simple she jumped some people's favorites and could do it again if voted Innocent.

Haruka and Mu are still sitting at Guilty. Their fans have a vested interest in not indulging Kotoko's mindset further. Secondarily she threatened to kill Mikoto. Thirdly she's shown through her second voice drama and song that she no longer believes in Es' judgment and is vying for the role of guard herself. Anyone who recognizes any of these things and are opposed to them happening will vote her guilty.

Meaning fans of Haruka, Mu, and Es all have a reason to be wary of Kotoko getting a second Innocent verdict.

Though in the words of Utena,

"But was that really such a good idea?"

Kotoko's trials are questioning the degree of separation necessary needed to excessively punish another. Because no one knew her victims when this started it was easier to forgive her behavior. I mean we only have one side of the story and she's so passionate against evil doers. Why would anyone not take her at face value.

So, what will be gained from saying I'm okay with you jumping strangers who I viewed as in the wrong without knowing a thing about them based solely on your word. Yet, I know the people here I know them well and I think some of them are nice. These people didn't deserve the way you treated them.

Though what makes the prisoners better than any of Kotoko's victims? Is it such a good idea to present that people only matter dependent on how well we know them? Is that any different from for example Shidou's mindset.

"Someone’s value cannot be the same as another."/"Should choose between superiority or inferiority."

Is there a sense of equality if one were to instead just,

"Hate evil as the evil that it is."

Or are both ways of thinking to binary and rigid to fully be acceptable. Are the audience hypocrites in finding Kotoko Innocent for killing killers we don't know and then finding her guilty for simply harming some killers that some of us feel like we know.

That's the question of her trials. Do people hate the sin or just the sinner? That's the question of Milgram overall. How much can another person judge someone. Over what ammount of time will one become more lenient or forgiving on someone.

And should one even be more lenient on another person just because of how long they've known them or how well their beliefs allign with their own?

In the same vein people would want Kotoko innocent for the same reasons she stated she dislikes. Not because they believed what she's doing is right or acceptable but just because they like her. She would be innocent for no reason other than being a killer we've gotten to know. Enforcing once again that she is no different from anyone else here. A thing that she has been shown to be upset about and afraid of through her second mv.

She'd just be innocnet because the majority would think they know her well enough. That's she's good deep down, she just made a mistake, was a little too extreme. Even though her actions were bad it doesn't mean she is. To be forgiven under those circumstances. Oh, she'd really hate that I'd imagine.

Simply because she wants to find others that understand her mindset and behavior people that view these things in the same and truly believe she's right. Finding her Innocent while still stating her actions were wrong in this case finding what she did forgivable wouldn't be enough. Now she could assume that everyone found her innocnet because they agreed with her so hard.

However she was innocent by a pretty large percent last time and her mv still shows her anxieties around her own innocence... So, I personally doubt that'd be the case.

So I feel like being innocent again would just strengthen her feelings of being treated like the rest. Especially considering even more people are innocent including Mikoto. It just doesn't seem like it would give her the feeling of drowing in the knowledge that she's right that she's stated to want from the jump.

So, I think in response she'd do exactly what she's doing now and what was implied she'd do from her first cover Anti Beat. Lash out in order to hide her own insecurity and take some control over the situation. The best way for her to do that is to put herself in Es' position to prove how above the others she really is.

Which that outcome would be pretty cool too actually.I would like to see how they'd follow through on the foreshadowing in Yonah if she were Innocent. Even if I do have a good idea on how they would.

Personally I just think she'd lash out even more just to prove to herself that she's better. Because she simply always feels inferior on some level. Like it's not difficult to tell that she doubts her own feelings and philosophy. Especially since she seems to need to be told she's right because she already feels she's wrong but she hates being told she's right. because she knows better than anyone how wrong she is.

So, she'd just keep stepping over the boundaries of others and put them in a position beneath her. The same thing we see her try to do with Es over the course of her second trial just to assert that she's doing what must be done. She's doing what others are too weak to do themselves all to stregthen her own feelings of vindication.

It's a lose/lose situation no matter how I look at it. That's what makes it so lovely. When nothing can be right that in turn means nothing can be wrong. These are just events that are happening att that point. The label of good and bad is completely up to the observer.

That's the best part of Milgram. It goes exactly where the audience is willing to take it.

Oh but Gunsli you wouldn't want Kotoko to run the prison and Es to just defer to her would you? That could be bad. You wouldn't want Mikoto to possibly die? You wouldn't want anything bad to happen to Haruka and Mu the only two guilty? It's not about what the fuck I or anyone else wants.

It's about the characters wills after the last bell tolls everything that happens next is up to the sort of people they naturally are.

Isn't that exhilirating. Isn't the most equisite kindness a story and author can give. The opportunity for the reader to enact their own will on the media and the media enact its will on the audience in kind?Isn't there something so miraculous about that. It's a thing of immeasurable beauty a once and life time experience. At the same time isn't it also the most disgutsting thing one could ever do to others and themselves.

Doesn't everyone want to see it- What lies at the end of Milgram? The culmination of all these choices all these clashing wills. Kotoko's trial is so engaging to me because it sets the stage for trial three perfectly. It's interesting because Innocent or Guilty the cog will still turn.

The worst part is the question what is judgment? What good does it do? What would Innocent serve? To be told you're right or acceptable just because someone assumes they know you and sees the good in you. That they know what you'd do and who you are deep down. It's soul crushing isn't it? It can be painful can't it? Even heartbreaking.

The hero some see are they real was the victim? If a person doesn't push what can they learn? What will one do when the things they don't yet know become things they can't unknow? Will they lash out in anger saying this wasn't what I thought it would be? Will they dig themselves in even deeper? Try to force that thing into being the shape they wanted it to be?

To me the fact is with this case Innocent and Guilry are quite frankly the same thing. If she's guilty she's no better than the others she judged and if she's innocent with the rest of them that still means she's no better than they are. She'll never be drowning in that feeling of being right unless everyone is guilty except her.

I find that mindset of Kotoko's that insecurity which ultimately stops her from accepting any kindness. So, very touching and human. Though it's ultimately going to fuck us all over no matter the outcome. It's tragic she was last in line. So tragic that she was put there-

Jackalope must be laughing about that placement choice just a bit. The same with Muu who wanted everyone innocent. Maybe if they just showed up a bit earlier the things they desired would have been possible.

Too bad, so tragic... I wonder just who put them there again.

Regardless of if one knows the outcome. Despite what one speculates. I wonder... Should ones morals change based on that sort of thing. Personally I think a person should do what they'd regret least. That's usually how I do things.

This isn't a post I spent days on or anything just some thoughts on the verdict outcomes for Kotoko specifically. Plus what I think the logic around it is. I personally think both choices lead to bad things for each prisoner not just Kotoko. So, this isn't the only trial like this but it was funny for it to be the one where this is most apparent to me.

I'm really interested in both options because I'm the sort that would like to have both if possible. It's so incredibly unfair that there's no way to see it all here.