#okay but he is still very attractive
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what i love about the Famous Actor Natori Shuuichi of it all is that...it's not just that he's famous and therefore widely recognizable wherever he goes. like yes that is very funny because he was an exorcist before he became a famous actor, which means he CHOSE, on purpose, a day job that would make it harder to hide his double life/secret identity from the hordes of his adoring public, but it's more than that. it's not just that he's famous, it's that he's famous specifically for being an ACTOR, aka a person whose job it is to dissimulate, to make believe, to inhabit roles and emotions other than his own. like he decided he was going to become as visible as possible (which again was literally not necessary! he could have gone into any other career for his day job!!) but in such a way that everyone would see him but no one would see him - they would just see his various made-up personas, including the Famous Actor Natori Shuuichi persona. i can't decide if he's a genius or if he just made so many absurd decisions that they canceled each other out and circled back around to working out. he's either playing 9-dimensional chess or he's eating the pieces. too soon to say.
#the other thing i love about it is that in a very real sense it's his actor day job that is his alter ego#being an exorcist is his normie job. he's just a famous celebrity on the side#which isn't that uncommon in secret identity setups but it's still very funny#natsume's book of friends#natsume yuujinchou#natori shuuichi#natsuyuu meta#my posts#f#i think probably the actual answer is that acting was a very natural career choice because he already masks so extensively#both to hide that he can see things other people can't (and that youkai exist and that he exorcises them)#and to hide what he's really feeling so that no one can use it against him#so if it's already something he has to do & he's good at it...why not have someone tell him exactly how to do it & get paid for it?#and the other part of the answer is that most ppl don't go into acting assuming they'll get famous. the fame was a side effect#so each decision as it was being made probably made perfect sense. but put them all together#and you have this hilarious assortment of elements that seem to directly contradict each other#okay also i would be remiss if i didn't mention the other possible answer which is that the attention came first and was unavoidable#and the acting developed from the need to protect himself from the attention that he was going to be attracting no matter what he did#because he's so beautiful. and (in the exorcist world specifically) because he's the last of the natori#the more i talk about it the more i'm like no becoming a famous actor was the only path that made any sense for him lol#1) he's gonna be watched no matter what bc he's him -> gotta figure out how to hide his secrets -> learn to act as self-defense#or 2) he's got secrets -> he's gotten a lot of practice hiding them -> hey you could make a career out of this!#all roads lead to actor natori shuuichi. and since he's beautiful...all roads lead to FAMOUS actor natori shuuichi#i love it when i ramble so much in the tags that i end up contradicting my own post lol#he's neither thinking ten steps ahead nor is he irrational. he's simply making sensible individual decisions#that follow logically from what is available to him and what his priorities are
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Having fun, more and more! (Patreon)
#Doodles#Unicorn Tails#Dangersoft#Villainsona#Just Desserts#True Villainy AU#Okay fine I'll talk about the really silly fixation I accidentally fell into lol#It's all Jello's ISaT stream's fault they mentioned Wall Day and I got curious!#Actually it was Jello reciting Will's line as the mad cultist in a kids' unicorn game that got me interested lol he just went all out#And it really is a kids' game! Like yeah some of the lore is dark and ominous and weird but it's genuinely just a nice unicorn game#And the character customization is cute and you can buy a spider hat! I want a spider hat#I'm fully onboard at this point lol I intend to buy it for realsies and play as an alicorn and go hunting for the Estranged Rabbit#Dangersoft is great of course <3 Neon green horse love that for her#Some happies <3 I've been quite happy lately :D Big Loves yay <3#If there is an article of clothing I can hide in I will take the opportunity every time lol#Regularly hiding in hoods and collars - it just feels nice!#More Charm more cutes <3 I've had the idea of her cutting her hair for S3 since she was created but I still don't Actually have anything lol#She's just cute and I love her! She's adorable no matter what she looks like#I think I was thinking something along the lines of her long hair being used against her in her True Villain form#Like how it's normally up and ice cream shaped but Kaiein wanted it down and it gave her a different look#But short it can't look like that :) She's always light and fluffy if it's short! I like it <3#Speaking of - her candle wings popping out from her Kaiein wings!#It's weird to see her with her hair down and glasses on in that context haha#I do like the symbolism of dark inky wings being cut through with fire and light :) Still drippy tho lol#And rounding off with a Just Desserts bee <3 I posted that one JD Pet Bee a while ago but I think bees are also wild animals#They're important for sweets production and pollination! Fruit-based sweets need them!#I personally really love bees I think they're the cutest but I also get really stressed about buzzing :'D#Does Not help that my hair is a colour they're attracted to so they come up right next to my head to investigate agh#So Charm is the same! Loves bees! They're wonderful and important and cute! But the buzzing...#She's being very brave tho <3
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2024 reads / storygraph
Song of the Huntress
historical fantasy set in 8th century Britain
follows three characters:
a woman who has spent centuries leading the wild hunt & reaping souls after being tricked into it, who disguises herself as a human to enter the kingdom
the queen of Wessex who never lives up to the demands of the court, despite leading their people in battle - and after a battlefield defeat they turn against her
and her husband, the king, deals with magic and political upheaval as his brother tries to usurp him and conflict arises between new and old religions
bi woman MC, lesbian MC, ace man MC
#Song of the Huntress#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#This is - okay? some very interesting and complex characters#i liked the women of the wild hunt and I liked how aethelburg as a warrior queen is just sort of normal not some kind of girlboss thing#it’s very slow paced - I doubt I would have gotten through it if not for the audiobook#the historical setting and details and complexity of the plot is interesting#I did read it for the ace character so:#unsure how i feel about how his asexuality's the reason for the problem in their relationship. like the book tries to make it the issue tha#he didn't TELL her about it but.....but ultimately it is just his asexuality as the issue. idk. not that I don't think that this kind of#ace narrative shouldn’t be explored I guess. it was just a smidge too portrayed as him being the problem#I feel like if he were aroace at least it’d be like okay; she finds in someone else what he doesn’t want to give her#but he literally does love her romantically lol. which makes the subplot of the romance between the women like......ok she's cheating#bc her husband won't fuck her? not to minimise complex characters down to surface level ships but also….#the sapphic relationship is kinda undeveloped/insta attraction and not much else -the book is conscious of this &#I don't think it tries that much to convince us it's something more than that (other than how it affects the character's personal journeys)#but still. idk. I guess I do like that it doesn't conform to perfect-narrative-romances but evidently unsure about how it did so#this makes it sound like I hated the asexuality and the sapphic relationship - I didn't hate either I just didn't love them lol#also his sister is also aroace and becomes a nun and otherwise she's offscreen - lost opportunity imo!
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truly did not expect to come out of my tmi reread a hardcore jimon but i should have known that the second i started ironically shipping them it was over for me
#i could dissect it for ages but i think their reluctant friendship combined with the fact that they are#objectively the two most attractive characters in the series just makes them make a strange amount of sense#like obviously their dislike for each other is mostly for comedic purposes#but its like.... why is jace avoiding physically touching simon after all this time still? even though they lived together etc?#and also the fact that most moments of intimacy between them are framed as either simon or jace 'losing control'#eg simon drinking jaces blood or jace moving in w/protecting simon when he was mentally in a very dark place#it basicallt perpetuates the narrative of jace (mostly jace) having some kind of positive feelings for simon which he prefers to repress#which makes very little sense. because thats his girlfriends best friend. unless there's something else at play there#do you get me. IM NOT CRAZY. okay maybe a little#vic reads tmi#(also yes simon is arguably the most attractive character in the series based on other characters' interactions with him)#(...and i would go as far to say that simon's attractiveness is as relevant to the plot of tmi as jace's is)#jimon
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Comics Read in 2024:
Her Tale of Shim Chong Vol. 1 by 비완 & Seri (2018)
Her Tale of Shim Chong Vol. 2 by 비완 & Seri (2019)
Her Tale of Shim Chong Vol. 3 by 비완 & Seri (2019)
Her Tale of Shim Chong Vol. 4 by 비완 & Seri (2020)
Her Tale of Shim Chong Vol. 5 by 비완 & Seri (2020)
Her Tale of Shim Chong Vol. 6 by 비완 & Seri (2020)
Her Tale of Shim Chong Vol. 7 by 비완 & Seri (2020)
Her Tale of Shim Chong Side Story by 비완 & Seri (2020)
Let's Hide My Little Brother S1 by Jihoo Chae & Chen Li (2021)
[ID: Covers of the aforementioned books. End ID.]
#gigi.txt#2024media#okay SO her tale of shim chong is a rewrite of a classic korean tale except now. its gay. its a GL#its really really good tbh i super enjoyed it tho the misogyny was like. comical levels on occasion#overall its a very solid commentary on misogyny with good fleshed out characters and it was a very good GL! super enjoyed it#on the complete opposite end of the spectrum little brother is about a girl who isekais into a BL novel as the male lead's sister#except its one of those super shitty abusive ones. and shes like NOPE! NOPE! FUCK THIS! and immediately moves 2 get him out of the way#except SHE ends up attracting the attention of the villain instead who originally tortured the brother but now he is obsessed w/ her#except not in a torturing way. its... its an interesting way. im fascinated by his portrayal and kind of obsessed w/ him tbh#however it completely gets rid of everything gay like the og mc gets with a girl and they have a kid and the og love interest#is in love with the f!mc. and like yeah bisexuality exists but its NOT portrayed that way at all and so thats. yeah#theres a time skip and the villain ML is going to come back changed as soon as the next season drops and we'll see if i still like him#bc if he swaps to the domineering yandere type instead of his prev type then no thank u#i wouldn't recommend it personally LMAO its trash
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Behold, my latest and most enamouring new obsession:
Malina, Lady of the Chief of the Northern Water Tribe. As if Red Lotus child OCs weren’t niche enough
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#lok malina#still feel like that’s too vague of a tag but I can’t come up with anything better for now#and yeah. she has completely stolen by heart and I don’t know how to feel about that#don’t think I ever was this attracted to my own art before#to be fair the design isn’t mine. it’s very heavily based on something nina drew back in 2021#because I did not have the energy or creativity to come up with my own thing#but the art is all mine and I genuinely adore it. super proud of myself which is a rare occurrence#anyways. kat and I spent three days digging this niche lower and lower and now have a he#*hell of a lot of lore about this basically nonexistent character#for lore about a lady from the North Pole a lot of it is rather hot… to the point my cheeks are burning non stop#I would say I’d let her do anything she wants to me but in my very specific aroace-adjacent case it’s more like#I’d let her tell me to do anything she wants to her#if that makes any sense and I have not completely lost my goddamn mind yet#okay. enough yapping. back to the art itself#lazy background because I suck at those and am not currently attempting to learn them. I’ll probably do that over the summer#about time anyway. my characters have been placed against an off-white background for far. far too long#this is the first piece in just over a year that isn’t tagged with sotrl. which is kinda weird tbh#I’ve been drawing my OCs almost exclusively for nearly 5 years so it is genuinely surprise I’m branching out#*surprising#less branching out and more diving from one hole into another but y’know#anyway. in my personal and very correct opinion she turned out absolutely gorgeous#her servants are way too lucky and unalaq is way too much of an idiot. no offence to vaatu but he could never beat out this#and I also have Kat’s personal and very correct opinion to back up my own. two against the void. once again we’re winning#I wanna draw her a lot more bc she has completely possessed my brain. I just wish character interactions were easier to draw 😭#I’ll figure it out. just need to fight my visualisation issues for a proper idea. brb#okay I’m almost at the tag limit so. in summary:#she 🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵
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#I MEAN. I LIKE GIRLS. RIGHT. WHY DOES THIS FEEL SO WEIRD. I HAVE HAD ONE(1) CRUSH BEFORE AND THAT WAS A GUY.MAYBE BECAUSE OF THAT? BUT THEN#NOW WHENI THINK ABT IT WAS ONLY HOW HE LOOKED. ESPECIALLYY HIS EYES AND HE HAD VERY UHHH DRAWABLE FEATURES. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE#THINKING OF IT...I NEVER EVEN LIKE THOUGHT ABT CONFESSING OR DATING OR EVEN TALKING WITH HIM....I actively avoided even thinking about it#at that time i thought that was because in a way i was guilty of having those feelings for him considering we barely had interactedand it f#felt weirdly creepy thinking of osmeone that way without their knowledge(??)#now i still retain some of that sentiment but also...was i really romantically or sexually attracted to him at all?#when i see people and actors and characters online i do find them hot but irl...do I really want that sort of thing?#whenver i read stories of romance and close friendships too i aways want to have those in mmy life. but#like okay romance aside...even in friendships i.i just can't do them?#i like helping people and i o enjoy having casula conversations i like being nice to people too nut#but it. it feels sort of suffocating to be close to people emotionally?#i dnt know how to put it but there's always a limit after which it starts feeling weird. i want close strong bonds with people but ifeel so#uncomfortable when it starts happening.so many people around me love me in all different forms but o i really love them all back in the sam#intensity? I think I can only say that for my parents. my friends...i don't know.#do i really care about them asmuch as they care about me?#i do a lot of things...i say a lot of things that can only be said if i cared about the other person honestly and earnestly..#but. butto me it really feels like it isnt that deep#these ats of servic don't come from my heart nor my head#i just. do them because...i don't evenknow..that's just my response...i really dont think anything of it.#i don'tknw. this is all so stressful i wish icould just do whatever i ahve to do for a day interacting with peopel andleavingeverything beh#behind when icome home. but then it feelsso lonely but being around people also makes me feeluncomfortable when i try to establish bonds wi#them.#i don't knwo i wish i never gto close to them in first place.....life wouldve been so much easier
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watching the bear, loving the sydney and marcus chemistry, finding out everyone ships carmy and sydney instead.
#THEY'RE BOTH GOOD SHIPS BUT LIKE#i can 100% tell you carmy and syd won't happen for a bit and i'm okay with that#now i still have a few eps left in season 2#so please don't spoil it but#carmy needs to have a relationship with claire bc she used to be his dream girl#whether she still is or not doesn't matter#like it's either going to be endgame but this early in the show? probably not unless it ends next year#and i loved the casual very easily attracted (not just physically by looks but physically as in... physically??? lmao) he and claire were#thanks for coming to my ted talk#sydney x marcus for life though
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You know that meme that goes "say the weird thing"? So I'm gonna go ahead and say the weird thing:
Seeing Raphael having body hair made us feel so much better about the fact we're Not Smooth.
– Pharo
#pharo speaks#chris is all over raphael right now and considers him to be very attractive#and he's been having a bad body image time lately#really hating how our body looks for a billion reasons#and body hair was among them#so seeing someone like raphael have a considerable amount of body hair made him feel better about our own#raphael is usually depicted as a pretty hairy guy#not overly so but enough for it to be noticeable#and since chris is into him he went “wow okay if raphael is allowed to have body hair then so am i”#helped with like 2% of our body image issues but it's still something#personal
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something feels so wrong to me about making fun of sam smith’s performances. cracking jokes about the choreo, how they look doing the choreo, comparing their performances to mcdonald’s countdowns. when a lot of it... is the same shit so many other artists get praised for (harry styles being one of them).
like... what’s this really about? because it sure as fuck isn’t about their actual vocal talent or their musical talent because y’all really seemed to LOOVEE their music when you couldn’t see them.
is it actually about the “energy” of the performance? or the choreo? or is it maybe the fact that you’re made uncomfortable by the fact that after they took time off to recover, they look different from how they did before? is it maybe because you don’t like seeing people with body diversity be so comfortable in their skin, singing songs about sexual promiscuity, unless it fits your image of what is “acceptable” body diversity?
is it really the choreo that you don’t like? the costumes? or is it maybe their entire existence in the spotlight as someone you deem to be “other”?
#this is literally ALL over my social medias.. it's GROSS#sam smith's music.. as far as pop goes.. is good#it is the SAME genre as harry styles#with VERY similar concepts of costumes and sexuality#the only REAL difference (besides the fact that they are different artists)#is that harry styles fits the skinny.. eurocentric beauty standard for men#and is VERY conventionally attractive#whereas sam smith.. who is STILL attractive.. doesn't fit that mold quite as well since taking time off to recover#and that's OKAY#it is a GOOD THING that they're healthier now and trying to STAY healthy#y'all want to praise harry styles for doing the same shit... while knocking sam smith down... and your REASON for doing it is so PAINFULLY-#obvious#you are fucking transparent in your hatred of fat and bigger bodied people#i swear... this happens so often. skinny people will hide their blatant fatphobia behind middling excuses in an effort to-#protect the fact that they are made uncomfortable by bigger bodied people simply existing in the spotlight#like... let's not pretend the way people's opinions suddenly changed on the song unholy... and sam smith's tour#starting... are not related#like... come on. you are made of fucking glass.#and this isn't just with fat/bigger people (and im saying bigger because i do not think sam smith is fat. i think that he is literally just-#a middle size that y'all are CONVINCED is fat)#this happens with people of color too#happens with artists of color. happens with queer artists.#you are so fucking obvious when you do shit like this. when you say you support fat artists.. queer artists.. artists of color... and then-#turn around and make a joke out of their art while praising some dumb fuck... straight... conventionally attractive man for doing-#the same thing.#and NONE of this is to say you have to like sam smith's music#personally.. i don't really like that genre of music#but you know what im NOT doing? making of a mockery of the way they LOOK of all things while simultaneously-#praising another artist for the same shit they're made fun of for#anyway... im pressed abt this
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why does b.asch have such attractive friends
#ash rambles 💚#you know how d.unban has that thing where all his friends suck?#yeah b.asch has a similar deal going on but.#this is a post about v.ossler y.ork a.zelas btw#i dont feel anything (romantically) for him but god that game gave us such good and attractive older men#my s/i actually beefs a lot with v.ossler-#is he still very handsome? yeah#ALSO. B.ASCH'S BROTHER... OMG....#it's the accent for me 🤭🤭🤭 b.asch i'm so sorry but your twin brother is so... AHJSJAKSJAS#okay yeah i had to say it-#again! i'm not about to leave b.asch for his brother! i am just saying that his brother's accent is very nice and pleasing-#i hated him a lot at first but his character arc is very cool!#also at the end of the game! ash gives him her scarf!#though his boss fights are quite entertaining since she always mumbles something about how this really isn't how she wanted to meet the#in-laws while she's drawing her knife LMAO#i thank f.f12 for giving us attractive older men#hell even o.ndore is really handsome- though he's just a comforting character to me in general#i like his accent a lot! i'm used to indian accents#since. you know. (gestures to myself)#again another character i disliked at first but grew on me#man f.f12 is so good. idk what to do now that i've finished LMAO been watching someone play r.evenant w.ings but it just doesnt hit the sam#man. i should really study. i don't feel like it though 😔. but alas! cruel world we live in
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But would you tho (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#Schuldig#ZEX#And again the Captain implied from offscreen lol#Two little things ♪ One that Actually happened and one speculation lol#I really like Schuldig :D He's the likeable asshole type and his quirk is very well written :)#I love how he gets on Zelnick's case about his wishy-washy-ness in regards to xenophilia generally and ZEX specifically hehe#Zelnick has no good answer for him! It's so cute hehe <3#But then he turns right around and is wishy-washy himself!! I get the feeling his frustration stems a bit from relating hahaha#Or maybe Zelnick's uncertainty influenced him! It's not such an easy decision to make when you're staring down the barrel is it now :)#Openly attracted to Max's body and flattered by ZEX's personality and outright attraction to him in turn but the alien aspect is too much pf#Sure right okay lol - I have no skin in this game so I'll have to take his word for it haha#Secondarily speculating around ZEX's attraction and standards lol it sounds like an oxymoron but no he is actually a bit picky!#Yes he loves humans generally but he is actually tempered by what mind inhabits what body! It's so interesting to me!#I think it's especially funny how his various desires are in conflict with each other haha#Like it makes sense that he controls himself around Fwiffo - poor thing would have a heart attack - but he genuinely seems less attracted!#Which makes sense to me as well ♪ Spathi and VUX share several traits and were on the same side during the War so he's familiar with them#And he's specifically attracted to differences and novelty - it all lines up!#And then there's also his pride lol he tries to make more friends than enemies of course but he still gets petty and patronizing <3#If he's actually upset with someone /he's/ the one who would need convincing! It's all very interesting :3c#And then there's the matter of his own body vs. Max's body - he's so upset at the metaphysical implications of cloning his consciousness#I've never thought of ZEX in the context of the ''Would you fuck your clone'' questionnaire but I guess I know his answer now haha#Though I still wonder what his reaction would be to Max :0 He's probably not close enough to be ZEX but he is /a/ ZEX - of a sort#All his introspection about the body he's in has my mental ears perked haha - pity and worry for the potential life he's replacing#Discomfort at possibly being Max in some capacity including continuing to be in his body but also of overtaking his life entirely#And of being backed into a corner - Max is pitiful as well as pitiable! Neither of them want to be Max Vyer really#He loves humans but how far does that extend when push comes to shove ♪ It's been interesting watching him fumble through it :)
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I'm just sitting here mentally telling myself 'I don't have to like him just because I find him attractive, I don't have to like him just because he's hot, I don't have to like him just because I like the character' over and over until I start to believe it
#every single time I love a character I also start to love the actor. sometimes that sucks. I don't want to. I want to pretend he doesn't#exist#but he's got the same face and the same body and the same voice and I just. how do I not do this.#I don't like him. I don't want to like him. he's at the very least kinda gross about women. which I'm not okay with. so. just. ugggh#it's just that I look at him and my mind shuts off and it's like 😍🥰😍#rationally I know that's also fine. I'm allowed to like people who aren't perfect (and no one is perfect anyway)#buuut. it makes me feel disgusting.#idk. I guess I just. i dealt with this for so long when I was younger because like. most of the men I thought were hot were also#misogynistic. because the culture at the time was so much worse. and it was just accepted.#and I fucking hated it and I don't want to deal with that anymore#it's just. idk. it feels gross and bad and I don't like it#but. I do find him extremely attractive and I want him so so bad and I don't know what to do with that#ugh I need to just. not be attracted to people. it happens so rarely but when it does it only causes trouble.#or maybe I need to get over these weird morality standards that I have but I don't think that's possible? like how would that work? I don't#get it.#anyway. yes this is about Eliot/CK no I won't elaborate on that and also I hope he's actually a great guy and everything I've seen#that made me think otherwise is just wrong#I will still stare at his face and think about him and listen to his stupid gross music all day. and I will enjoy it. but I will also#feel conflicted about it 😔#(but damn it he is hot and his arms are big and I am just a human being and I am very very weak 😫 big arms make me fucking stupid)
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So finally watched JJK and the first episode of S2 (I also saw the movie but way beforehand) and uh
H u H
(tag ramblin)
#okay so i totally see now why people simp for gojo#but im gonna be real real and real cringe rn but im gonna admit i thought the volcano demon was kind of attractive#im d y i n g that when he first fought gojo i was like okay hold up... 👉👈 but why is he kinda hot 😰😰#the monsterfucker in me just jumped out OTL#gojo is pretty attractive dont get me wrong. i see it. i get it. geto can also get it but i still feel hes kinda creepy looking in s1.#rewind a little to like after s2 but slightly before the movie idk.#and i hate that i was watching this with a friend and i literally could not contain the question of if someone sneezed near gojo would#he be unaffected bc of his powers and vice versa.... unless he purposefully turned it off#also nanami is so freaking good im. weak. the massive thirst and desire to see him be ill during the time hes working an office job#and hella sleep depriving himself and working himself to the bone. like fuck i need him walking in the rain and having a cold#i am a woman with very simple needs and desires fck
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Okay I feel very silly rn because I keep thinking about Cousin's Cute Friend and I am literally squishing my face into my cat plushie (that my cousin bought for me btw <3) and trying not to scream. On the train chewing a string attached to the plushie and smiling like a wee teen experiencing a crush for the first time. And I keep checking my phone if he texted me back (I asked for his Instagram after we chatted a lil bit). And I also keep checking if my bestie read the messages from me where I told her about everything. Like a wall of text. Going insane. Good lord
#and like this isnt a crush i like im demi and i met him only two times and i don't know him well#but! hes very pretty and i am still not over just. someone liked me. someone outright told me they find me attractive#and my touch starved ass finally got some attention i love cuddles#i literally feel like i look like a stereotypical teen in love screaming into a pillow giggling blushing kicking feet twirling hair etc etc#i dont remember if i mentioned that in my previous silly posts but he kissed my forehead when saying bye#girl. okay. god#like this tall beautiful person held my head and leaned over and kissed my forehead how can you expect me not to go absolutely batshit wild#send help#bee buzz
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look i love making sae be the one who's so in love and showering hajun with so much love and affection but it's much more fun to think that HE fell harder than her
#it's the she fell first he fell harder thing. gooodd hjs have such common dynamic the frustrating and infuriating type#like look at first she have a crush on him right but as a model. that girl is literally a moth she gets attracted by those with light#though at first she admires him as a model and knew him through toma- her kamioshi. though i think... she just starts admiring him a lot?#she literally went through a 'highschool crush' phase but late since she was like. at college 😭#observed him... wow he's a lot similar to her than she thought. that guy puts up a smile in front of strangers and keep people at a distanc#he looked... strangely alone. why? even though he have friends too. she saw herself in hajun and... didnt want to be like him#will she keep putting up a face too? will she keep lying to herself? and would that make her alone in the end as well? she didnt want that.#so shes like yknow what? let's be shameless. her friends had been so loving of her unconditionally.#she thought that they'll leave after highschool and yet... and yet they stayed. they keep approaching her.#and come to think of it... they're always the ones giving effort for her right? when it comes to planning for hang outs-#they're always the one to reach out. never her. shouldnt she return the favor then? love them as much as they love her#pour all her heart out. she used to do it- she can do it again. love people unconditionally without expecting anything from them.#surely this time it'd be different. surely it wont drain her. even if there's a chance they'll leave her- it doesnt matter now.#she knows she gave her everything and that's enough for her. maybe she'll feel better if she had realized this when she was a child...#but that's okay now! so for now! lesson learned: dont be hajun#but also sae. just have a different view of hajun in her head 😭??? like she admits she didnt really know hajun before but actually meeting#him must be so complicated for her lol like this guy used to be her crush! and she got to talk to him but holy shit he's lowkey an asshole😭#not even lowkey but he really is a bitch lmfaaooo so like. damn 'i forgot i used to have a crush on this guy like i used to like him???'#'in what way??? (his looks dont even deny it sweetie)' i think her crush on him in the past made her more snappy towards him now lmfao#like 'gooooddd i used to have a crush on THIS GUY??? that's making me piiisseedd' LMAAAOOO 😭😭#i genuinely have NOOOOO idea how they started having this dynamic but it's just. them lowkey insulting each other? not really INSULT insult#but rather bickering masked by politeness? like 💢^^) (^^💢 selfish ohime-sama vs black hearted prince#but the one who's usually losing here would be sae ngl and hajun's mostly the one being playful tho tbf they CAN calmly talk to each other#sometimes they just become competitive? sae herself is a competitive one at first it would be 'oho~ let's see how long he can keep this up~#to 'give up already!!!! my social battery isn't gonna last long!!!!!!!!' and hajun's just watching her lose it every time 😭😭#ah.... my absolutely pathetic daughter im so sorry..... when it comes to him she gets unreasonably annoyed. just who does he think he is?#and yet she can't even feel arrogant around him. she knows bae are on a different league than her. that's why despite being very friendly a#expressing her admiration towards them she still puts up a barrier around them? it's not that deep she have her own close friends#yumeshipping — hajusae [prri]
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